Tumgik
#if anyone sees this and wants elaboration i would be happy 2 :0
iiusia · 2 days
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everyday i restrain myself
#julia.txt#okay im not going to do a full fledged post abt this but i have got 2 het this out#nowhere in the Bible does it say that there shpuld be One Guy who teaches. or a select few appoimted guys. whatever#a pastor is in his essence no different from a priest#every single believer (who is called to teaching) has the potential of saying something edifying#every single believer has the potential to pray a good prayer#to suggest a good song#all with the caveat of being led by the Holy Spirit. ofc#a Fully Biblical church is one where every brother has the opportunity to speak to pray to suggest a hymn if the Spirit leads him to do so#like. will it be perfect. no we are human we are failiable there is not a single believer on earth that listens to fhe Spirit 100% of the#time#but the solution is not to put in place man-made order#the solution is to keep working on ourselves as an assembly#like#we will always fall short of the perfectness of God#does that mean we stop trying?#no!! we try HARDER. we give ourselves fully to Him we entrust ourselves in His hands and work on it!!!!#shakes you. there is freedom in the Holy Spirit.#have you been in a meeting where nothing is pre planned not who prays not the songs sung not the sermon#and Yet. everything lines up together#the songs suggested all follow the same theme#the prayers all follow the same theme#and then a brother gets up and says the Spirit put on my heart to say this AND IT FOLLOWS THE SAME THEME#do you Understand. its beautiful#man made order could NEVER compare to this#disclaimer a church having a pastor doesnt mean that its not biblically sound there are WONDERFUL godly pastors out there it is simply#What Is Normal right now#but. gestures wildly#you see#if anyone sees this and wants elaboration i would be happy 2 :0
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iaintkissingnofrog · 2 years
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This is going to be a long SatoSugu post so strap in
Satoru's last words to Suguru were a confession of his love for him and this confession was Kenjaku's key to his sealing.
To get the full picture we have to go back to their school days.
It's been well established that the two were the closest to each other. They loved and trusted each other and together they were the strongest duo.
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But when Gojo kicked his training into high gear and Getou was losing himself, Suguru couldn't keep up and Satoru became the strongest.
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Satoru could go on missions on his own, and Shouko barely went out on missions leaving Suguru on his own. Suguru was left behind and felt as though if he had continued by Satoru's side he'd only be holding him back. (Gojo fights alone now in the series so that could be related.) This is when Suguru begins to let go of Satoru, and this is when the relationship pulls apart for him. If they're not the strongest duo why would Satoru keep him around? What are they if they're not the strongest together?
Suguru doesn't know that Satoru loves him regardless of his power or abilities but because they were best friends, and their relationship wasn't only built on them being the strongest duo.
Suguru leaves Jujutsu Tech after murdering a village. On that busy road in Tokyo, he does not try to reach out to Gojo, to explain to him or convince him to see his viewpoint. This was the person who knew him better than anyone and in what was meant to be their final moment he keeps him at a distance, even adding that the strongest should kill him if he wants. At this moment they're not best friends or two parts of a duo, they're simply 2 sorcerers with conflicting paths.
Suguru leaves Satoru, believing that Satoru doesn't have any love left for him.
A decade passes and we're in JJK Vol 0!
During Yuta and Getou's fight, Getou doesn't understand Yuta's relationship with Rika and calls him a womanizer (or rude) and Yuta corrects him and states that it's pure love to which Getou responds with 'Then this is justice' as if the two are opposing sides. My interpretation of this is that Getou does not understand love or what it is to be loved which is why he misunderstands Okkotsu.
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After Yuta wins, Satoru finds Suguru in a weakened state nearing his last breath. Satoru lets Suguru know that he trusted him to not kill his students and Suguru is surprised to hear that even after all this time Satoru still trusted him.
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Satoru asks Suguru if he has any last words and he shares them. That he hates the monkeys and can't truly be happy in this world.
Satoru then shares his final words with Suguru and it comes as a surprise
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Whatever it is Satoru says was enough to bring joy to Suguru right after he said he couldn't be happy in this world.
The next two images below are translations of the Offical JJK vol 0 movie novelization
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I'm personally stuck on the line "He wouldn't have said such an embarrassing thing back in his student day." What I understand from this is that Gojo has never said this before and it's something that's endearing now but would have been considered embarrassing to say back when they were classmates and a love confession fits the bill.
Suguru Getou dies knowing that Satoru Gojo loves him.
Kenjaku in Getou's body knows this as well.
A key element of Kenjaku's plan required that Gojo be sealed away and this sealing required Gojo to be distracted for 1 minute. Under normal circumstances, this would be a difficult condition to meet. Jogo even states that even 1000 human lives wouldn't be enough.
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But Kenjaku didn't need 1000 human lives. Kenjaku in Getou's body knows the duo's history and can feel Suguru's feelings towards Satoru. This body remembers that Satoru loved Suguru and that's all Kenjaku needed for him to be confident in his plan.
There was no mind trick, there was no elaborate booby trap. What kept Satoru in place was as simple as
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Gojo's love for Getou and his confession of this love cursed him in the end. And to quote what he told Yuta the year before "Love is the most twisted curse of them all"
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kayzig · 1 year
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Rosen of Chroneria: Chapter 6
There's only a little bit on the "visible side" of this session, but I think this is the best possibly way to time it out since I have some background stuff to finish, and it just makes sense to have Rosen recover from their consequence before going on to their next bit. For starters, though....
Rosen is going to make one more appeal to Alistair to be a part of the investigation, a process to capture the assassin and bring him in.
He rolls a +2 Rapport, besting a +1 Will for Alistair's defense! Hilariously due to the dice rolls, both had a +1/-1 that made their result their default modifiers for the skill. I think it's interesting when that kind of thing happens, at least!
Let's oracle in, real quick: Q: Unlikely: Would Alistair actually believe Rosen to be an asset to the investigation? A: 15; yes, eh?
I also know that since I filled in some information about the assassin, the kinds of details that Alistair can offer.
The councilman was one who was responsible for the docks, much like Alistair is responsible for the security of the docks in particular. He was assassinated in his home, and there were no other victims, even though there was family of his in the building, hardly any signs of a struggle, and no witnesses.
It was a very high-up part of an elaborate house, and there was ABSOLUTELY no signs of a break in, according to the oracle. I know how to connect the dots on this story thread in my head, but we'll see if Rosen and Alistair even get those pieces of the puzzle!
And furthermore, the venom that was used in the killing has no other traces of being anywhere in the house, so on top of it being very unlikely that the wife of the councilman did this, there's also evidence to enforce that it wasn't them.
Rosen makes a +4 Notice to immediately draw the line between the portals and suddenly-appearing Sky Legion scouts that got into the estate. Alistair agrees that it seems like more than a coincidence, but has doubts over how successful and stealthy the assassination was, versus the raids on his own home, which were thwarted.
Rosen (quick to smugly point out): Well, clearly, I wasn't there to fight the assassin. Chelise (in somewhat catty fashion): If you knew Councilman Rutherford, you might have let it happen.
I think Alistair would be fondly aghast that his wife said this, but it was a fun way to drop a reminder of the fact that Councilman Rutherford, who has been unnamed up to this point, was not a well-liked man. The assassin could be anyone, and been HIRED by anyone.
Alistair will close out the conversation by adding that while it is a difficult trail to pin down, and it won't be easy, we'll be glad to have Rosen assisting, somehow; he doesn't currently know how he'd allow for this, after everything that transpired with Judge Regent Gregor.
Rosen states that he's simply happy to have Alistair's approval to join in the hunt, as Chelise and Alistair ready to retire to bed. The catch here - Rosen rolls a 0 Deception versus a +5 Empathy from Alistair. Alistair will see through the lie and send Chelise (who did as well with a +3) ahead as he steps aside with Rosen.
Alistair will remind Rosen that it is not a hunt, but an investigation, and he would be bringing Rosen in to ASSIST, not to start a reckless "hunt".
Alistair values his place as Judge Regent, and would not want to break or bend any rules.
Q: 50/50: Would Chelise? A: 86; no
Rosen will ask Alistair a VERY FAIR QUESTION, as to whether or not any other Judge Regents or Councilmen have had attackers materialize into their living room to beg his point of "please ask me to hunt this assassin down like a crazed dog," and makes a +6 Rapport roll! He rolled the Fate equivalent of a Natural 20 to get that, and I definitely think that the related dialogue probably makes a few other points about Chelise and the city's safety, to boot. Alistair's responding Will roll is only -2, so it's a hell of a succeed with style.
Rosen's goal was to leave the estate and investigate what the Good Ship Justice crew was up to; they were scoping out Alistair's home for SOMETHING, and have definite criminal ties. They're his closest contact to someone who may know something, even if they were a bit shady in their last conversation.
Alistair tells Rosen that if he can delay his hunt by one more day, he will take the time tomorrow to make sure Rosen is properly outfitted to wander Port Lamour - a proper writ that acknowledges him as employed by someone in the city to offer him identification, and some kind of clothing that can maybe be fitted, and not have him stand out, so much.
There's a bit more back-burner divination, etc, work to do for the opposite side where the Good Ship Justice crew, their boss and the Assassin are at. I'll update that in perspective when I come back to a place to reveal it in Rosen's narration!
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divinemackerel · 3 years
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so on the topic of the minecraft live 2021 mob vote :
yeah we have torches and lanterns
but people who may not have the best keen eyesight to visibly see the different light levels- like the difference between 7 or 8 (or soon to be 0 and 1)
which is literally just the tiniest of opacity of light difference
the glare would be able to tell
people use f3 to see those numbers and literally anyone who plays on a phone, switch, xbox, playstation, or windows 10 can not use f3, there is NO way to know light level in those games other than guessing
meanwhile for the allay
its not going to sort chests and it was said it cant even open them
BUT it does more than 'pick up items you've already dropped'
as we've been showed, it goes out on its own and gets an item that matches what you give it, seemingly quite a few of that item. thats good for being able to farm or get hard to get items like obsidian or certain plants
and it'll come back home to a noteblock- which previously has no use outside of redstone in game
literally both mobs are useful
and i know we're not talking about the golem that much rn but that has its own uses for the redstone community (which i want to say is probably the community which gets the least amount of attention in most updates- they got some good stuff this update but they've been fucked over the last several)
mojang got three mobs which highly benefit their largest communities (miners, builders, redstoners)
and then said 'pick one' and effectively told the others ':) too bad'
like, at least the last few mob votes were fore different hostile mobs or different mobs that dont like, help a particular community too much
like?? the one the phantom was in? it was just three hostile mobs which no matter what you would've ended up with something hostile either in the air, the ocean, or in the caves
moobloom, glow squid, and iceologer? like- they're all cool and did their own things but neither one of them benefited one large group over the other.
one was cute, one was funky, and one added another hostile mob
but *this one* ?
literally all three had uses. to see better, to get items easier, and to have randomness in redstone without making an elaborate set up
not to mention all three, if idle, are cute for builds? a broken robot, a lil angry bush, and happy fairy thing? if just sitting in your base like pets they look neat
but they all had huge benefits unlike last votes
and then mojang said 'ha but no, only one'
and no matter WHAT won, 2/3 of the community would've been upset or screwed over
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jade-parcels · 3 years
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Gift giving pt.2
With Zhongli, Diluc and Venti
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Zhongli:
Zhongli ‘doesn’t have money’ but that doesn’t mean he can’t buy you things! He has Childe, his walking wallet, and Hu Tao who pays him at work! So he’ll learn to save up (or just borrow from Childe) in order to buy meaningful gifts for you
He doesn’t really give gifts often. He thinks if he spoils you too much, the object he gives you won’t be as meaningful :( so he gives you very expensive things on special occasions or when he’s feeling particularly sappy
For your birthday, he’ll really go all out. You’ll wake up to plenty of decorations and fancy boxes to open! He doesn’t celebrate his own birthday but he knows yours is special to you!
However he does see more sentimental value in making memories together. That what Zhongli aims to do :) you’ll go on plenty of dates together where money isn’t a problem. He’ll take you to historical landmarks and pretty sight seeing locations with the intention of making memories together that the two of you can cherish :’) that means more to him than any ‘thing’ can!
When you give him gifts though, he’s always appreciative! You went through the trouble of finding/making something for him? It’s going to be displayed in his home somewhere!
“...So this mask’s origins are fairly important to the history of Liyue’s branch of the Adventurer’s Guild. Without that anonymous hero, those adventurers would have surely perished. And this is a seashell from my love’s latest commission trip. If you look closely, you can see a pattern that somewhat resembles a cat. I am quite fond of it”
He’ll hold on to anything you give him and cherish the moment. He can point to every object you’ve ever given him and he can tell you exactly what happened that day “Ah, yes. You gave me this belt buckle in Qingce village. You stole it off of a treasure hoarder after beating him to a pulp. I must say, I think I fell for you even harder that day, love” see?? He’s such a sap :’)
Diluc:
Diluc has plenty of mora to spend since he owns the winery and his tavern. He’ll want to spoil you so much, he has a hard time controlling his spending when it comes to you
Renovations on the winery are pricey...He’ll have to look at the budget and consider it. But he’s happy to blow hundreds of mora on you just for fun! Oh man...someone manage his finances
His favorite thing to get you is clothes! You’re so beautiful, he just wants you to wear the best of the best! Not to mention, he always feels a little proud when you wear the clothes he buys you cause hey! He did a good job picking that out! That cloak looks stunning on you- uh oh he’s gotta stop staring- Kaeya catches him staring at you constantly and is always quick to point it out
He’ll treasure anything you give him :) but the most valuable thing you can give him is your time. This man is so touch starved, he just wants to spend time with you. He loves laying on the sofa with you in front of the fire and falling asleep there with you in his arms. Waking up in the morning is always rough since you’re both stiff and your limbs are asleep but man oh man, the absolute bliss of getting to wake up beside you in the morning is enough for him :’)
^ eating breakfast in bed is another thing that will make this man melt, especially if you made it! He’ll be a blushing mess “You didn’t have to go through the trouble of cooking so early in the morning, honey” he’ll gesture for you to get back in bed with him so you can share your meal under the warm covers together
He’s very easy to please, you really never have to spend a cent on him :) but he’ll insist on spending thousands of dollars on you no matter what lol
Venti:
Venti also has very little mora so his gifts to you will usually be songs or picnics on hilltops!
He loves gathering little snacks for the two of you. He picks fresh apples, buys chicken skewers and other things to snack on while enjoying the weather, the breeze in your hair! These little picnic dates will almost always be random yet still happen just when you need to get away from everything :) he’s attentive like that
He’s a free spirit so he travels around Mondstadt a lot and just Teyvat in general so when he comes home, he’s got all kinds of stuff to give you! Snacks, trinkets, articles of clothing! Everything has an elaborate story which he’ll tell in great dramatic detail
If you drink, get ready to drink even more. This man will buy twice as much wine as he usually would when you’re planning on joining him. A little something you both can partake in! And you’ll only be a bit embarrassed the next morning when the two of you wake up on the back steps of the Angel’s Share :|
He’s always happy to sing to you :) whatever song you want, he’ll play it!
Venti isn’t the best at accepting gifts, sometimes he gets over excited or he’s so enamored with the gift that he goes quiet for minute or so :0 he loves it!! Give him a second to process! Lol
He’d love it if you made or got him little accessories to hang off of his belt or hat! Pins and pendants really add to his look! And they add to the jingling sounds his other accessories make when he walks! Those are gifts that can come with him everywhere and they’ll most likely never get lost since they’re secured to him! If anyone asks about what’s on his belt he’ll totally brag about you! “See this? It’s a tiny, gold lyre on a chain! My love commissioned it from a local artist! Isn’t it cute? Yeah I think so too! Allow me to sing a tune about love and adoration~”
He’s easy to please too :) he just loves ya :)
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My thoughts on Clementine’s story in the “Skybound X” Comic
Okay, so before I jump into my opinion piece on the comic, I’m going to give a little explanation and break down of the issue, for all of you confused as to why everyone’s talking about this story.
What is it?
A while ago, Skybound announced that they would be continuing Clementine’s story via comic. It is supposed to be a trilogy taken place in the same universe as both the game and TWD comic series (with Rick Grimes). It is intended to be a continuation of The Final Season.
Why is everyone yelling about it?
Back when the comic was first announced, the reception was mixed with some people excited to see Clementine again, some who expressed scepticism on how Skybound would treat our beloved characters (and the ending of TFS which seemed like a perfect end note to Clem’s journey and arc) and wanted nothing to do with it, and some who were “cautiously optimistic” - shall we say, to what a sequel comic would entail for Clementine.
How would Skybound handle the choices? does this mean half of the playthroughs will no longer be canon? how can you even continue Clem’s story at this point without messing with the characterization or the playthroughs? 
Well, the comic finally released and people read it and...yeah, our hesitance was justified. 
So, it’s impossible to describe this comic without spoilers, so for anyone who wishes to read the comic themselves and form their own opinion beforehand - do not read below this cut as I will be going through the entire comic plot. You’ve been warned!
The Story
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So, the story starts off early in the morning, with Clementine gearing up to leave the school.
We follow her as she leaves the school grounds (alone), goes to the hut to pack supplies and finds a map. She hears a noise outside, which turns out to be a walker so she leaves the hut and kills it. Then goes back to looking at the map.
So far, so good right? like it seems odd that Clementine’s leaving the school in crutches alone with no back up, but hey, maybe she’s just trying to regain some independence and get in some early morning hunting for the group or something, right?
Well this is when shit starts to go South...
Clementine hears another noise, and thinking it’s a walker she opens the hut door wielding a knife, only for it to be AJ.
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(Also I think it’s been a couple of years since TFS, because AJ’s looking pretty tall for a 5 year old and apparently they’ve got new settlements to trade with).
It turns out, that Clementine was planning on ditching the school and setting off on her own. Without even a single goodbye or bothering to tell anyone about it. AJ is rightfully confused by this (fucking same, little buddy). And it leads to this exchange:
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Yup. So Clementine, not only was planning on ditching her new family and home, but she was also going to leave AJ without a single goodbye and just vanish from his life. Breaking any promises or teachings she told him from their time spent together.
And you know what the worst part is?
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She’s doing it because she’s “not happy” (and no, she doesn’t elaborate on this, we’re just supposed to accept it). AJ just tries in earnest to convince her to stay and that he can make her happy and all Clem says is “you can’t”.
If I were to analyse this short scene, I would say that perhaps it’s an internal war Clem’s got going on in her head, where there IS no rational reason for her leaving, but rather it’s something mentally that she can’t get over (possibly depression) and she feels like she has to leave to deal with it better. Honestly, in any other story this would be an incredibly interesting character complexity to witness.
BUT
The issue here is that it does NOT at all match Clem’s characterization from the game.
Clem was happy with the school. All she ever wanted in her life was for somewhere safe to call home and spend the rest of her days without constant fear and having to be on the move. She wanted to belong somewhere after losing Lee and her family. 
Clem’s character has never been about this badass who’s always on the move for thrills or looking for adventure or excitement. Does it happen to her? yes. But her character has always wanted to settle down somewhere with people and to have a family. She’s a homebody at heart, and the ending of TFS even plays with this by having her be the leader (which is what the series was building her up for) who strategizes and sends other people out while she stays in the middle of it all. The reason that ep4 was so beautiful was it came full circle with Season 1 in that Clementine can finally rest and LIVE her life now, without fear of being on the run or having to feel alone anymore, knowing everyone around her is safe and happy.
You mean to tell me, that Clementine would risk her life to save a community of people and protect “a home” only to up and abandon it because “idk it’s not for me” - fucking bullshit, Skybound. Clementine loves the Ericson kids and AJ, even if she didn’t form a romance with Louis or Violet. Those people meant something to her, and even if she did feel like it was safe to leave them, she wouldn’t. Because she enjoys being with them and loves them.
Clem did not go through hell for these people and spend years hunting down AJ only to up and ditch them - WITHOUT EVEN A GOODBYE, mind you.
She has plenty of opportunities to leave them, and she didn’t. Not even when there was a risk to her life.
Also, the best part about this? after Clem gives us her pity me tears, a walker sneaks up behind her and AJ shoots it before it gets her. 
It’s supposed to represent how well Clem has taught him throughout the years, but I find it hilarious because we’re now supposed to be okay with Clem venturing out on her own after almost getting chomped (again).
AJ finally accepts her decisions and runs back to the school, while the final shot is of Clementine walking into the horizon.
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Final Thoughts
Honestly, the fact that even the writer of this comic couldn’t even bother giving Clementine a reason beyond that vague “I’m not happy” statement is a slap in the face itself, and just goes to show that even they don’t fully believe in the plot of the story either and it’s purely being used as a means to cash in on a Clementine spin off without having the other characters there and the potential backlash of referencing the game choices.
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Oh it was something special, all right. It’s like an angst fanfic.
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HOW on earth is this comic staying “true to Clementine’s journey”? did you even play the games, Skybound? because besides a few quirky buzzwords like “still not bitten”, I don’t think you understand the story of TWDG or Clementine’s “journey” at all.
Not only was this comic unnecessary, but I’m confident that even the writers of TFS never believed this to be an outcome for Clementine either give how often they spoke about ep4 as being the conclusion to her story and her arc being “finding a home and what it means to protect one”.
With all that said, please don’t send hate to Tillie Walden. If anything, it’s Skybound themselves that should be scrutinised for greenlighting this script and thinking it was an appropriate sequel for the game (if it even needed one).
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(Also apparently adventurer Clem is no longer tying her hair up anymore and is growing it out, which makes 0 sense when she’s out exploring).
In Conclusion
This short comic was a hot mess, but we’ve got 2 more to go.
The only way I can see this comic being salvaged is if they pull off the cliché storyline of Clementine realizing she was wrong and that the school IS her home and where she wants to be, so returns back to Ericson’s in the end.
But that would be both pointless and still make this entire intro nonsensical, so I guess we’ll just need to wait and see.
I’ve honestly no clue how Clementine is expecting to find something better out in the world for herself that makes her happy, when she herself knows how rare it is to find a home like that in the apocalypse and how dangerous it is elsewhere.
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ikleesfiction · 3 years
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Miss Americana
Fandom : Crossover Hawaii Five-0 x Chicago PD TV Word count : 5,610 words Pairing : Steve McGarrett x Danny Williams; Jay Halstead x reader
Summary :  You met Williams-McGarrett family in Los Angeles and they introduced you to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Your boyfriend, Jay Halstead, doesn't know anything about this. Yet.
Author's note :
This is the fourth one shot of "Will you follow through if I fall for you" fic continuation. It would be better if you read it first. But if you don't, here's the quick summary.
This happened after I listened to a few podcasts (1  🞂  2  🞂 3) of Scott Caan and Alex O'Loughlin, passionately talking about Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. 
This fic does not comply to the canon of Hawaii Five-0 or Chicago PD. So if you don't follow one of the other, it should not be a hindrance, I think. Here's hoping that I'm right.
Disclaimer
◢◤
"Would you like another cup of coffee?
You look up from the book in your hand to the waiter addressing you.
"Oh, I would love to. But it's already my fourth cup of the day," You grimace at him. "Maybe I'll take a bottle of water, please? Cold, if you have one."
The waiter grins at you, "Sure thing," then leave with your empty cup of coffee.
You are supposed to meet your friend, Tim, at his house on The Bird Streets to work on a song. However, he got a sudden appointment and asked you to wait for his call to reschedule. So here you are, sitting at a Cafe/Bistro somewhere in Los Angeles, drinking too much coffee.
You check your watch and your phone. It's almost lunchtime, but your phone is still showing nothing. Alright then, you thought to yourself, back to the book. Your eyes immediately find the last paragraph you read on Astrophysics for People in a Hurry.
Five pages later, the waiter puts a bottle of water on your table, "Here it is. You sure you don't want another cup of coffee?" He jokes with you.
You laugh in response, "No, really, thank you."
The waiter leaves with a smile and turns to the table across from yours. That's when you notice somebody's sitting there.
"Good afternoon. Only for two?" The waiter lays two menu cards on the table.
"Four. My husband and daughter are parking the car." The man answers him with a smile. He has a little boy sitting next to him. His son, you guess, since both of them have blond hair. Their noses look similar too.
"Danno, can I have ice cream for lunch?" The boy begs his father, pointing at one of the delightful pictures on the card.
"Hmm, maybe." The father hums his reply. He exchanges a knowing glance with the waiter.
"Do you want anything to drink while you're waiting?"
"Soda!" The boy yells from his chair, who laughs at his father's glare.
"How about two glasses of orange juice?" The father checks to his son before confirming it with the waitress.
"Okay, be right back with your drinks."
After the waiter leaves, the boy begins to prattle about everything to his father. About giraffes at the zoo ("They are so tall like Dad!"), about his favorite ice cream flavors ("Cookie Dough. But I like Kame's shave ice better, Danno"), about swimming at Venice Beach ("There's a lot of people there, Danno. I like our beach more")
The boy doesn't even look like he needs to breathe. You can't help but let out a chuckle. His father looks up at you and shares a grin. "That's great, Charlie," He comments to his son.
You let their conversation become a white noise while you read your book.
At your periphery, you see someone passes by. However, you don't expect a hand to suddenly sneak your phone from the table. Your hand instantly grabs that wrist, trying to stop it from stealing your phone. But the thief forcefully pulls his hand out of your reach and moves away.
Unfortunately for the thief, he runs straight to the father at your neighboring table. The man has no problem flipping the thief over and pushes him to their table. When the thief squirms away from his clutch, the man lifts the thief's elbow high up and turns it behind his back in a very painful lock. The unpleasant sound coming out of the thief's mouth proves how excruciating it is.
The man's eyes wander. Many shocked faces are staring at him, including yours. "It's okay, I'm a cop," He explains.
In contrast to the crowd, the boy looks at his father in awe, gleefully clapping his hands.
"Charlie, why are you clapping? You're not supposed to clap at this. Oh my god, you are just like your father! Happy to see any aggression," The man rants as he takes out a cable tie from his trousers' pocket. You don't even know why he got cable ties in his pocket. He efficiently ties the perp's hands behind his back and forces him to sit.
Only then, the man addresses the crowd again, "Has anyone called 9-1-1?"
"I did. The police are on the way," One of the cafe's staff squeaks from the door, with a phone still in her hand.
"Excellent! Did you hear that? Your ride would be here soon," The man tightly squeezes the thief's shoulders. The thief could only reply with an agonized grunt.
Everybody else resumes their activities with a sporadic look to their table.
The boy picks up the stolen phone from the floor. It fell near his foot during the short scuffle. "Danno," He hands your phone over to his father.
"Ah, thanks, Charlie," The man ruffles the kid's hair and kisses the top of his head.
"I believe this is yours?" The man returns the phone to you. "Hope it's still working?" He cringes at the spiderweb marks on the phone screen.
"Thanks. Probably not. But it's alright." You smile at the man and offer to shake his hand, "Y/N Y/LN, thanks again for helping me,"
The man takes your hand, "Hey, no big deal. Danny Williams. And this is my son, Charlie," Danny brings Charlie in front of him. You extend your hand to Charlie as well.
All of a sudden, you hear voices yelling from behind you. "Danno! Charlie!"
You look back to see a tall, dark, imposing man and a beautiful teenage girl rushing in your direction. Charlie shouts back at them, "Daddy! Gracie!"
So you guess they must be Danny's husband and daughter.
This new man drops down to Charlie's level and checks on him, trying to see if he's injured. "Are you okay? Charlie?"
"Dad! Dad! Danno was soooo cool! He pushing and then flipping and then that man went aaargh!" Charlie re-tells the scene to his father, holding his elbow behind his back to show him.
Couldn't really understand his son's story, the man asks his husband to elaborate, "Danny, what's happening here? Why are you arresting this man?"
"I'm not arresting anybody, Steve. We don't have jurisdiction to make an arrest, you know? Since we are in LA, not Hawaii? I'm just holding this man until LAPD shows up," Danny clarifies to his husband, Steve.
"But why?" Steve is still confused.
"This guy here, what's your name?" Danny barks at the thief. But his mouth stays glued. "Really? Would you prefer my ex-SEAL here asking you the question?" Danny gestures in Steve's direction.
Steve stands tall. His hands are folded in front of his chest. His biceps bulge in his tight t-shirt. The thief's face turns green, looking fearful. Steve's scowl was probably not helping either.
"Danny?? What's going on here?" Steve begins to lose his patience.
"What?? It's no big deal, babe!" Danny yells back at Steve. "This guy here tried to nick this woman's phone. I'm just helping her," Danny motions in your direction.
"Y/N, here's my husband, Steve McGarrett, and our daughter, Grace," Danny continues to introduce you to his family. You shake their hands and exchanging simple pleasantries.
"As I said, I just helped Y/N to get her phone back. Now we are waiting for LAPD," Danny ends his explanation.
Shortly a police car comes, and two officers quickly take their statements. Initially, the police officers are bemused to find the thief already sat with his hands tied behind his back. After Danny explains that he is a Detective from Honolulu PD and how he prevented the attempted theft, the police officers understand the situation. They ask if you'd like to press charges on Tom Norris, that's the thief's name according to his ID. Considering you're not hurt, you decline on pressing charges. The police are gone with the thief sooner than you expected.
"Can I treat you lunch for your trouble? Shoot! A super late lunch?" You corrected after checking your watch.
"Hey, don't worry, it's no trouble at all," Danny says to you with a big smile.
"No, no, seriously. You guys were on holiday, I guess. But still bothered to help me. Lunch is the least I can do."
Before long, they arrange to get a table for five and talk a lot during the meal.
◢◤
"So you guys are from Hawaii? That's nice!" You tell the family.
"See, Danno? That's what you're supposed to say about Hawaii. You're the only one who describes Hawaii as a pineapple-infested hell hole," laments Steve to his husband.
"I'm just telling the truth, babe. How about you, Y/N? Where are you from?" Danny tries to find out.
"Originally from The Netherlands, Amsterdam. But I moved to Chicago last year," You reply.
"Now that, Steve, is a city that would appreciate seasonal changes," Danny nods his approval of Chicago.
"Only you, Danno, who whines about constant sunshine." Steve grumbles.
Grace and Charlie don't react much to their parents' bickering. Too used to their silliness. But you still find it quite funny.
"So you guys are here for vacation?" You ask the family.
"Kind of. We are on holiday. Also, we are visiting the colleges here for Grace, who will graduate high school next year," Steve throws his right arm around Grace's shoulder.
"Yes, we are on an excursion to prove to Grace that LA universities are not better than the University of Hawaii," Danny quips from Steve's left.
Grace whines at his father, "Danno..."
"Danny here doesn't want his children to be far away from him," Steve enlightens you. "But I think going to school in LA would be better than The Netherlands. Wouldn't it, babe?" Steve winks at Grace.
"Do not joke about that, Steven!" Danny elbows his husband hard.
Grace looks thoughtful for a moment, "Y/N, did you go to college in the Netherlands? What do you think my chance to study there?"
"Gracie, can I come with you to This Otherlands?" Charlie innocently chirps to his sister.
Steve is laughing so loud, even after Danny punches his arm.
"What about you, Y/N? What are you doing in LA? Are you on vacation too?" Danny questions you after the laughter receded.
"I'm here for work. Most of the time, I'd do it remotely from Chicago. But sometimes I have to make the trip here or to Amsterdam," You tell them.
"What do you do?"
"I'm a music producer," You give a simple answer.
"What instruments do you play?" Steve is curious. "Guitar?"
"Mostly piano and synthesizer. I do play guitar, but I'm just an okay guitar player. I wish I could play better,"
"Dad plays guitar too!" Charlie happily declares as he points at Steve.
You cheer at Charlie's enthusiasm, "Does he? That's great!"
"Yeah, he plays very well. Maybe Dad can teach you to play better," Charlie directs you.
"Oh, yes, that would be awesome," You wholeheartedly agree with Charlie, as the rest of the table laughing at the idea of Steve teaches music.
◢◤
"Danny, I was wondering if you could explain something to me," You turn to the man.
"Shoot," Danny nods as he puts down his juice glass.
"The arm lock that you did to the thief. Where did you learn that? Did Steve teach you that?" You ask him, genuinely want to know.
"Well, even though Steve here was the Navy SEAL," Danny glares at his husband, who replies with a smirk, "I have been working as a cop for more than 20 years now. I know some moves too,"
"But that's not a cop's move," You contradict him.
"How do you know any cop's moves?" Danny confronts you back.
"My boyfriend is a cop in Chicago," You give Danny a sheepish smile.
"Ah, I see. Did your boyfriend teach you self-defense?"
"He did. I'm nowhere near good as Jay. But it's a start," You answer Danny.
"Of course. If he's not good at it, then he's not a good cop," Danny comments without sounding too arrogant.
"Jay also taught me about guns. Personally, I don't like it, but he needs me to know about it, especially gun safety. So..." You shrug.
Danny nods his understanding, "Yeah. Be glad that he doesn't bring home grenades or other explosives," Danny gives Steve a stink eye. "Unlike some Super!SEAL here,"
Steve is immune to that look. It doesn't seem to affect him anymore.
You smile at their interaction, "Jay was an Army Ranger. After he came back, he went to Police Academy,"
"Really?" Steve looks interested.
"Oh, here we go," Danny sighs at his husband.
Steve grins but decides not to comment on it any further. He goes praising Danny instead.
"But Danny is being too modest here. He is a great fighter. Sometimes he's even better than me. Which lots of people find it surprising, considering I was a SEAL,"
"and don't you forget it, babe," Danny smirks at Steve, who returns it with a chaste kiss.
You sigh internally. Looking at the lovely couple made you miss your boyfriend, Jay.
"In all seriousness," Danny begins, "I practiced Jiu-Jitsu since high school. That's where the moves come from," He pauses to sip on his drink.
"I got my Blue Belt when I entered The Police Academy. For me, I think, I learned how to fight better in Jiu-Jitsu than what they taught us there," Danny continues.
"Do you also teach it to Grace and Charlie?" You ask the parents.
"Yeah. Danny taught them both as early as possible. Grace already got her Yellow Belt when we first met. Now she is working for her Purple Belt," Steve brags. Danny also looks so proud. Grace, though, tries so hard not to roll her eyes at her parents.
"Me too! I will get my Yellow Belt soon! Right, Danno?" Charlie exclaims.
"Of course you are kiddo. After that, you surely can beat your Dad here," Danny ruffles Charlie's hair. Steve offers his palm for a high five, but Charlie punches it instead. He giggles when Steve is faking to be hurt by Charlie's tiny fist.
"Do you think I could learn it too?" You inquire to Danny.
Danny and Steve look at each other. You're waiting for their answer, hoping that they will agree.
Before they decide anything, Grace interrupts, "We can go check out the place that Sensei Egan told us, Danno."
"Yeah, that's a great idea," Steve agrees to his daughter's suggestion. "We can check that dojo for Grace, meeting the instructor. Maybe could show some moves too for y/n,"
"Okay then. Grace, share the dojo address with y/n. We can meet you there tomorrow morning, what do you say, y/n?" Danny asks you.
You're supposed to fly back to Chicago next afternoon, but what the hell, you are very interested in this offer. "Yes, sure. If you don't mind me crashing your holiday plan again?"
"No, not at all. We need to check out that place anyway." Steve waves off your worry.
Grace passes her phone to you. "You can puy your number there. I will forward you the address,"
You tap your number to Grace's phone before groaning when you remember that your phone is dead. "Could you e-mail me instead? I don't think I could replace my phone soon,"
Danny doesn't even try to hold his laugh at your poor luck.
◢◤
The next day, you take an Uber to the gym. No, it's The Dojo. You correct yourself. When you step in, Charlie is shouting at you from across the room. "Y/N!" Standing next to his sister, Charlie crazily waves at you, worried that you could not see him.
You remove your shoes, placed them accordingly at the remarked spot. Walking towards Charlie and Grace, you see the Williams-McGarrett clan wear similar outfits with other people in The Dojo. The only differences between them are their belts. Danny wears a Black Belt with a red stripe, while Steve wears a Brown Belt. Grace has Blue Belt, and Charlie has a White one. Knowing that you will do some workout, you wear a black t-shirt and training pants. Definitely a contrast in a room full of jiu-jitsu outfits.
Danny and Steve are talking to a guy on the other side of the room. This guy has a Black Belt with more stripes than Danny's, indicating that he is the instructor here.
"Hey, guys. Good morning," You greet Grace and Charlie. They reply with a big smile.
"Just out of interest, do you guys always bring your uniform on your holiday?" You gesture to Grace's clothes.
Grace laughs at your question, "It is called Gi. Yes, we are always bringing them along on holiday," She laughs again at your shocked face. "No, I'm joking. It's because we know we will visit this dojo, so we have our Gi with us,"
Soon Danny and Steve come over to your side. "Hi, y/n. So I talked to Sensei Marcus there," Danny gestures to the guy he spoke to. "We are going to follow their training for today. You can watch from the side if you're not sure you want to do it. The first hour would be the class for Kids and Teens,"
You see Grace and Charlie lining up in the center of the room with other children. They seem to be divided by belts instead of age.
"The next hour would be the adult class," Danny pauses for a moment. "If you want my suggestion, I encourage you to join the Teens class. I hope you don't feel insulted by that."
You chuckle at his words, "Not at all. I understand,"
"If it's too much, don't hesitate to stop and move aside. Everyone will understand," Steve adds.
You exhale softly, readying yourself, "Okay," before joining the line.
The first fifteen minutes, they start with stretching. So far, you have no problems with it. You practice Yoga for the last few years. You know how to stretch.
The next one, they teach you how to fall correctly. Which turns out to be a hard thing to do. At first, an instructor's assistant helps you. After a few moments, she moves away to help others. But you're still not doing it right. So Danny pulls you aside and teaches you privately for the rest of the hour.
You fall so many times until it tired you out. You cannot even get up from the mat. Your shoulders would have been bruised with so many times you landed incorrectly.
"Still interested to learn this?" Danny grabs your hand to help you get up.
Even though the lesson exhausts you, you feel great. You learn a lot, even from doing the same thing over and over again. "Hell yeah!" You grin at Danny.
"Crazy woman!" Danny pats your shoulders. Right where it hurts the most. You can't help but flinch away.
"Hurt, wasn't it? Why don't you go sit down on the outside of the mat with Charlie?"
Charlie sits on one side of the mat, a bottle of water in his hand. He is watching Grace, who has her hands on Steve's Gi, trying to throw Steve down.
Danny silently pays attention to his husband and daughter on the mat. But you can see his hands slightly move as if he's the one sparring.
Shortly, Grace has a chance to push Steve. Steve lost his balance for a moment before countering her attack. Grace would've fallen down hard if Steve didn't hanging to Grace's Gi so tight to slow her fall.
"That's great, Grace," Steve says to his daughter as he helps her up. They bow to each other to end the spar. Danny is clapping from outside the mat, "Good job, Monkey,"
Of course, you and Charlie follow Danny's example to cheer for Grace.
You still sit on the side of the mat, now also accompanied by Grace. You watch the next class practice, where Danny and Steve spar with other students for about an hour.
After the class is done, Steve taps on Danny's shoulder, "Danny, could you help me with this move?" He nods in the direction of the mat.
Danny responds with rolling eyes at his husband's antics.
Grace runs commentary in the background, "Dad didn't actually need help from Danno. However, you're not allowed to ask a higher belt to spar with. It's a sign of disrespect. But Dad and Danno often work differently between each other,"
You see Danny and Steve taking place at a ready position. It takes time before anybody falls, or one locks each other. They move fluidly. When one throws the other, they quickly bring them down along then keep them in a lock. The locks are soon countered, and they back up again. The great thing is they look like they enjoy sparring with each other. They share a laugh whenever someone throws the other or someone holds the other in a lock. You find that very interesting.
The sparring ends when Danny makes a grappling move that Steve cannot counter, so he has to tap out.
After the sparring, Steve sits back with you and his kids while Danny goes over to Sensei Marcus. Steve asks your opinion about Jiu-Jitsu, whether you're still interested to learn it.
"Very much, yeah. The first thing I will do once I'm back in Chicago is to find a Dojo," You excitedly tell Steve.
"Well, lucky for you, Sensei Marcus here knows a lot of Jiu-Jitsu instructors," All of a sudden, Danny joins your conversation. Sensei Marcus stands beside him.
"Sure, if you want to keep learning Jiu-Jitsu, I will give you some references of my fellows in Chicago," Marcus informs you.
"That would be awesome!"
Marcus shakes your hand, "Good luck!" and moves to shake hands with the rest of the Williams-McGarrett family. "Thanks for visiting our dojo. Please come again whenever you're in LA,"
They all look tired, but their smiles beam as bright as Hawaiian sunshine.
◢◤
Two weeks later, in Chicago,
You see your boyfriend's truck parked in front of your house as you walk home from the bus stop. You walk much slower than you used to. Your body is hurting all over the place, but you feel elated.
The day after you came home from Los Angeles, Jay was caught in a hard case. He had to fly out to New York and liaised with NYPD SVU to solve it.
You missed him a lot, for sure. Jay called you whenever he could for these past two weeks. Texted you every day too. But you have not got the chance to tell Jay about your new interest in Jiu-Jitsu.
After your last trip to LA, you promptly checked out the Dojo that Sensei Marcus referred to you. You were thrilled to find out that it's only fifteen minutes bus ride from your house.
You met with one of the instructors there and asked for a private class. Because that's what Danny advised you to do. "After you have a better understanding of the lessons, then I want you to go train with other people at the dojo. But for the first five or six months, you might've been better with one-on-one lessons,"
The instructor, Professor Louisa, is delighted to provide. You work on a schedule three to four times a week. The professor initially suggested only two meets in a week. But considering your occasional trip abroad for work, you prefer to do more lessons when you're in town.
This is the third week you've been learning jiu-jitsu in Chicago. Scraps and bruises are inevitable. Jay would freak out if he saw them before you could explain to him.
Jay's flight back from New York landed about two hours ago. He must've been coming directly to your place from the O'Hare. The house smells amazing when you enter the room. Following your nose leads you to the kitchen. You find your boyfriend pulling out what seems to be garlic bread from the oven, "Hey, babe. You're back!"
"Hey, you! Perfect timing!" Jay secures the tray aside before stepping closer to you. He puts one hand on your waist, the other one on your back. Moving even closer to kiss you.
His passion makes you forget your bruises for a moment. When Jay pushes you playfully, your shoulder hits the nearest wall. You instantly cry out in pain. "Argh!"
"What's wrong?" Jay stops everything he's doing to you right away.
"Nothing, I just got some bruises," You rub the pain from your shoulder.
"How come?" Jay begins to take off your t-shirt to check on the bruises, but you move away from his grasp.
"Hold on. Let me take a shower. I must've been rank from sweat. Then I'll tell you everything," You kiss Jay one more time before going to the bedroom.
As you eat the pasta primavera that Jay made, you ask him about his case in New York, "How was it?"
"It's done. We did what we have to do,"
Not interested in talking about his case, Jay interrogates you instead, "So, where did you get the bruise? I swear, I only left the city for two weeks, and you're already in trouble," Jay shakes his head.
"I'm not! I just joined this gym. Dojo, I meant. I'm taking Jiu-Jitsu lessons!" You cheerfully tell Jay.
"You what?" Jay pauses from drinking his wine.
So you told Jay the whole story. About how someone tried to snatch your phone when you're in LA. How you met the Williams-McGarrett family from Hawaii. How they got you into jiu-jitsu.
"It's so fun, Jay. Yeah, sure, I got bruises and scraps. But whenever I got stuck with my work, I go have a practice at the dojo, and then I come home feeling energized," You confess to your boyfriend.
"Really?" Jay looks at you, disbelieving.
"Uhuh," You nod as you swallow your spaghetti. "You know what, you should come and see the dojo. It might interest you too,"
"I know about martial arts, babe. I taught you how to punch, remember?" Jay reminds you.
"Yes, you did," You say in giggles, "Professor Louisa said she won't teach me how to punch,"
"Of course, Jiu-jitsu has a different approach than other martial art, say karate. Or boxing," Jay puts down his fork on the empty plate. "You sure you enjoy it?"
You hold Jay's hand and look into his eyes, "I am. This is something I want to do seriously, Jay. I admit part of it comes from you and your job. Like you always said, I need to be able to defend myself. Because you think I could get drag into your case one day,"
Jay puts his other hand on top of yours, looking somehow regretful, "Babe..."
"No, no. But I also do this for myself. Even though my body hurts, I feel great about myself. I feel more confident. It's really inspiring,"
Jay brings your hand to his lips, "Okay then, as long as you're happy with it. But I'm still going to take you to the gun range,"
You roll your eyes in response, "Of course, you will,"
◢◤
A week later, Jay walks up to The Dojo on the second floor. Someone greets him at the entrance, "Hey, man. Can I help you?"
"I suppose to pick up my girlfriend. She is training with..." Jay tries to remember the instructor's name. "Louisa?"
"Ah, yes, Professor Louisa. You must be y/n's boyfriend. I'm Professor Andy, the head of this dojo," The man offers his hand.
"Jay Halstead," Jay shakes Andy's hand.
"I think she will finish in ten minutes. You wanna see her practice?"
"Sure. If it would not be disturbing?" Jay hesitates.
"Not at all. Y/n is the only one in there right now," Andy directs Jay inside the dojo. He asks Jay to remove his shoes before stepping into the room.
Jay watches his girlfriend silently. He winces a couple times when you fall down. But he is amazed to see you immediately stand up again.
"She's resilient, your woman is,"
Jay chuckles at Andy's remark, "Yes, she is,"
Shortly after you bow to your instructor, you see Jay standing on the side with Professor Andy.
You walk towards them with a smile, "I see you met my boyfriend, Prof,"
"I did, yeah," Andy nods. "I don't think Jay would be interested in jiu-jitsu, though," He comments.
"Correction, I'm not interested to see you got thrown down repeatedly," Jay points out.
"Hey!" You hit Jay's arms as both Professors laugh at you.
"But that's how we are supposed to learn. If you don't know how to fall, you won't get back up again," Louisa says serenely.
Andy hums his agreement before ushering you out. "Alright, get out of here, you lovebird,"
When you're in the locker room, changing your Gi, Jay approaches Andy again. But before Jay could say anything, Andy hands a leaflet to him.
"Y/N told me you're a police officer. You might be interested in these classes,"
Jay takes it with a laugh, "Thanks, man. I'll check it out," He puts the leaflet on his jacket pocket and pulls out his card.
"If anything happens when Y/N is here. Or if you need anything I can help with, please give me a call," Jay sounds solemn.
Andy takes the card, "Don't worry, man. We take good care of our students here,"
"I know," Jay nods.
Soon you come out with a gym bag on your shoulder. "See you next week, Prof!"
Andy waves to the couple, "Bye, y/n. See you again, Jay!"
◢◤
Two years later,
You step out of the record store in Pilsen empty-handed, failing to find the vinyl you're looking for. You start walking west to the bus stop when you hear a commotion ahead.
You see a guy pushing people out of his way. He keeps looking behind his back like he's running from something.
"Police! Get out of the way!" You hear other voices shouting.
So this guy seems to be running from the police, you thought to yourself.
The man tries to shove you aside, but your reflex is much better. Your hands instantly grab the front of his shirt. When he tries to push you away, your right foot finds his inner left calf and sweeps him down.
When he tries to move away from your grasp, you lean down and grip his right wrist tightly with your right hand. You put your right elbow beside his right ear while your left elbow is placed underneath his elbow. Your left-hand moves to hold your right wrist from below his right hand. His arm is essentially locked when your left bicep snugs against his right tricep. You raise your elbow slightly from the surface. The more he wiggles his way out, the higher you raise his elbow from the surface, the more painful the lock is.
You hear an impressed whistle from above. When you look up, you find Jay and Hailey standing in front of you. Jay gets a huge grin on his face while Hailey is sporting a shocked look.
"Nice takedown, babe," Jay compliments you.
"Thanks. You might wanna take over from here, though," You say to your boyfriend as you hear few more steps rushing towards you.
You loosen the lock after you are sure Jay gets his hand on the perp. He grabs the suspect up from the floor and pushes him towards the wall.
You find a hand extends in front of your face, offering to help you stand up. You look up to see it was Hailey. You take her hand with a soft thanks.
Once you're back on your feet, you look around to see the other members of the Intelligence Unit staring at you. Adam, Kim, and Kevin are mirroring Hailey's initial look of surprise. Jay's boss, Hank Voight, looks impassive as always. But you catch an amused twitch at one corner of his lips.
"Man, at least give me time to feel my hand again! That bitch could break my arm, you know!" you hear the perp complaining when Jay prepares to cuff him.
Without saying anything in response, Jay folds the perp's wrist inside. The perp yells even louder because of the wristlock.
Kevin moves to take the man away from Jay before any further damage could happen. He ushers the perp right away to a nearby cop car.
Jay turns to check on his girlfriend, "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm good." You nod back at him.
"I didn't know you could do that, Y/N," Hailey tells you. "You never tell me that your girlfriend practiced any martial arts," She continues to slap Jay's shoulder.
You answer with a sheepish smile, "It's kinda new,"
"Blue Belt in Jiu-Jitsu is not "kinda new" babe," Jay elbows you playfully.
The team boss pats your shoulder once before walking back to his car, "Good job, Y/LN,"
Kim, who's partnered up with Voight today, quickly follows. But not before inviting you for drinks, "You have to tell me all about this over drinks!"
"See? Even Voight agrees. We'll make a cop-out of you soon, Y/N," Adam offers his fistbump to you.
You meet his with your fistbump but shake your head, laughing, "Not in a million years, Ruzek,"
He only replies with his laugh and walks towards Kevin and the perp.
Jay puts his arm around your shoulders with a huge smile, "C'mon, Kev and Ruz can take care of the perp for a while. Hailey and I will drop you home."
87 notes · View notes
satoriberry · 3 years
Note
heyy^^ could I ask for a romantic match up with a haikyuu boy? ://)
I'm a girl and use she/they pronouns (but I prefer they/them), I'm 18 and I'm demi- & pansexual.
I'm an entp/intp and I'd say I'm a open minded and kinda funny person. I tend to be extremely shy when I'm not comfortable with people but when I'm with people I trust I'm the most extrovert person in the room.
When people annoy me or hurt people I love I can get damn mad in seconds.
Others say I'm very loyal and a good listener. They also see me as responsible (and I dont understand why, because I act kinda childish sometimes)
If I'm interested in something I can lose myself in it really quickly.
I really like science (especially chemistry & astronomy) and video games and my hobbies are skying, skating, volleyball and cooking.
My favourite song changes from time to time but some of my all time favourites are video games (by the young professionals) and serotonin (by girl in red)
Thank you so much and have a nice day!
A mystery person looking for love chose me as their matchmaker! Let's see what they're getting...
↬ Berry's note: thank you for sending in a request lovely anon!! also dw, i got your second message so its all good ( ๑>ᴗ<๑ )
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You've been destined to be with none other than charismatic Oikawa Tooru himself! Wanna learn more?
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- First of all, you two make such a cute duo [jealous] </3
- BUT LET'S GET INTO IT! First of all, getting to know each other. You're shy with strangers, right? Oikawa's perfect for that! He's such a lively and extroverted boy, so he tends to start conversations with people (and keep then going).
- The way he first notices you, it could've been anything. Maybe he saw you sitting alone reading, maybe you were discussing practice with your volleyball teammates (if you're in the club) or maybe he just overheard you making a really funny joke with a friend.
- Whatever it was, it caught his interest so he approached you once before his volleyball practice started. You were caught off guard because 1) wait omg no he's talking to me and 2) omg it's oikawa? Not blushy kind of shy, you just weren't expecting his company.
- He looked so jolly (and for what?) while asking you questions to get to know you. Your name, class, extracurricular activities, mutual friends possibly? He rambled on and on to prolong his time with you that he didn't sense Iwaizumi walking up behind him.
- "Y'know that one old chemistry teacher? I had her this morning and sh- OUCH??"
- Yeah, Iwaizumi used Volleyball-to-the-head™, it was super effective. Needless to say, he had to leave but before leaving, he waved you goodbye with a huge grin.
- After this first meeting, you two started to interact more and more often. After getting to know you, he discovered that not only are you nice and really friendly, you're genuinely so funny and being around is never a bore.
- You two have the same childish humour, and sometimes it's like you two mentally communicate elaborate bullshit ideas every 2 seconds (please leave iwaizumi alone, he'll die if Oikawa and Oikawa's partner in crime start to mess around)
- He likes to take you out on nature walks or stargazing, and if he's feeling funky, he'll take you to an arcade. He'll try to impress you by attempting to win a 10k token plushie (he didn't succeed in the end, instead, you won a duck plushie and gave it to him).
- And it's not surprising that at this rate, he started to really like you <3
- And after a while, he confessed his feelings to you. He didn't leave out the parts on how seeing you walk through the school gate always made him feel giddy, how he would giggle when he reads your messages, how gazing at your face while you do your homework in his room always sent his heart into a frenzy. He really poured his heart out.
- And let's just say, you two hit it off >:]
- Now let's start with the adorable stuff <3
- Ok first of all, TREATS YOU LIKE A GODDESS AND WILL NEVER DISRESPECT YOU. SERIOUSLY!!! You mean so much to him so he wouldn't even imagine hurting you in anyway :(
- LOVES taking walks with you in parks and around ponds. Will hold your hand the entire time (kisses the back of your palm before doing it <3)
- PLANETARIUM DATES!!! If I'm not wrong, it's canon he likes aliens, and you like astronomy right? Perfect sense to buy two tickets and spend your day in a planetarium together. His eyes would be like saucers the entire time and everytime 5 minutes, he goes, "Oh my god Y/N-chan, look at these!!! :0"
- During school days, will frequently invite you over to his house to spend time together, play video games, watch silly videos, watch reality TV together or volleyball matches when he feels like it.
- Speaking of volleyball, he'll bring you with him to practice! Will wink at you continuously and shows off his skills (pls cheer for him). If he's up to it, he'll play a 1-1 with you in the local neighbourhood park on your way back home.
- THINKS YOU'RE SO COOL WHEN SKATING!!! YOU COULD BE FALLING OFF AND HE'LL GO, "Omg Y/N you're so awesome :D!". PLEASE TEACH HIM TOO!
- Even the basics are enough for him. Also if you hold his hands while guiding him, chances are he'll start to blush. You're just so impressive and the praise you're giving him is too much for his heart to handle <3
- Ok ok, we all know Oikawa has a problem with limiting himself and always overworks himself. He's aware of that, but he doesn't think anyone wants to hear him talk about it.
- Except, you're there for him. It takes him a while to open up but, after he does, he never goes one day without thanking you. For reassuring, for scolding him when he needs it, for caressing him whenever he gets injured. For being there for him :]
- In return, he'll shower you with so much affection and loving words. He'll always check up on you, whether or not something bad happens.
- Reminds you of things if you forget them! You lost your notebook? He'll help you rewrite your notes and lessons. You have an important assignment due tomorrow? He'll help you with it, even if it means half-assing it. He's always there to assist you and make your life easier, just like how you made him happier.
- In conclusion, Oikawa would fly to the moon and back just to see you happy <3.
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Runner ups!
➵ Sugawara Koushi (was so close to choosing him)
➵ Kozume Kenma
➵ Kuroo Tetsurou
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↬ Berry's after-writing note: *fucking dies* MY BAKER AND FLOWER LOVING S/O POSTS WERE SO LOVED??? HELP???? THANK YALL SO MUCH. also thank you so much for sending in your request anon!!! mwah mwah :>
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belfrygargoyles · 3 years
Text
I Answer Questions I Get About Star Wars Fanfiction
So, when I made this post a while back, I did end up getting quite a few people coming to me for advice!
And while I was happy to give what help I could through tumblr DMs, there was also quite a bit I was realizing was a bit Much to be conveyed just through the DM format.
So, while this is by no means a catch-all, comprehensive list of what to do and what not to do, I thought I’d make a post going into a bit more detail! I’ll specifically be addressing questions/concerns that have been brought to me, mostly
Because of the specific subject matter of the original post, most of the question askers were white/cis/het women, so much of what I cover will be directed at authors of that specific demographic.
The brunt of the post is about writing reader-characters of different demographics and why “gender-neutral” reader-inserts tend to fail to reach that mark, but the first two points I address are related to racism and fetishism in writing. Because of this, I want to preface: I am White, and I will never be an authority on what is or is not racist or fetishistic. These are questions I, specifically, have received, and needed more space to elaborate on. Everything I say, I have learned by listening to fans of color speaking out about the ways they and characters of color are treated and by doing my own research into the subject- my experience and advice is not exhaustive, I cannot cover every important facet, and my word should never, ever come before that of a person of color speaking about the same subject.
If while reading, you come across something that is not true, is offensive, harmful, or otherwise just not good advice for me to give, please contact me and I will remove or edit as needed.
I’m a White, cishet woman, and I like to write fanfiction about characters I find attractive who are men of color. How can I avoid writing fetishistic or racist stereotypes? 
To recognize fetishism, you first need to understand racial stereotypes and why they’re harmful, even if they’re “positive.”
First thing’s first: there is no such thing as a positive stereotype. All stereotypes bring with them the very real potential to harm people, demean or belittle them, isolate them, impact their social life, work environment, and how they interact with the world and the people around them, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, culture, or body type.
It is very important that you seek out and listen to the word of these people themselves. Understand why it is harmful to write a story about a “savage” tribal man seducing a White colonizer (and why “savage” is a terrible word to use to describe someone in the first place). Understand why it is suspicious to be obsessed with the sexual prowess of dark-skinned men. Understand why the common tropes and stereotypes you see associates with people of color are harmful, and understand that this is not about you. This is not about what you want to see as a reader, this is not about the specific fantasies you want to write out with a certain character, this is not about your fulfillment and enjoyment, because you are the person writing and putting your writing into the world for others to see and consume. The way you portray your characters and the situations they are in is important.
Second: you need to learn how to step back and examine your own thoughts and behavior for bias, conscious and subconscious.
Would you think the same way about a character if they were a woman? Would you write a character with the same personality if they were White? Would you think two characters have the same romantic tension and chemistry if they were different genders?
For example: In the game Subnautica: Below Zero, the player character is Robin, a Black woman. At some point in the game, she expresses defensiveness in response to unintentionally rude remarks about the human body, from a source that would have no idea that it was rude. Her offense and defensive tone is not at all unwarranted or unreasonable, nor does she hold a grudge, but upon first playthrough I found myself thinking, “man, Robin’s kind of a bitch.”
Then I remembered the fact that Black women are frequently seen as aggressive, rude, and “pushy,” and that Black women in media are commonly seen by (White) fans as “mean” in comparison to other (White) characters who act the same way, if not worse. I realized that at no point in the game does Robin ever act spiteful, cruel, selfish, or vindictive towards the source of the offending comments. She was someone who was proud of her physical capabilities and the hard work she put into her body’s fitness, and she was not in the wrong for getting offended at the implication that her body was flawed or inefficient. Throughout the game, Robin is patient, driven, compassionate, and forgiving, and expresses grief, frustration, offense, and anger as is appropriate for the situations she finds herself in.
What I had done was subconsciously put Robin in a set box of character traits based off of racist stereotypes and characterizations frequently seen in media and fanworks. I didn’t realize I was doing it in the moment, and had to take a step back to examine the source media and my own behavior, and realized I was projecting a completely false idea of what Robin, a Black woman, should be like as a character.
That is an example of subconscious racial bias. Subconscious racial fetishism can look more like...
- Believing male characters of color all have insatiable sexual appetites and massive penises
- Automatically headcanoning characters who are large, burly, strong, or aggressive as Black or dark-skinned
- Putting East Asian women on a pedestal for being beautiful, pure, innocent- or, on the flip side, as beautiful and “please queen roundhouse kick me” treating her as “beautiful but fierce.”
These examples, alone, in singular instances, aren’t fetishism- headcanoning a single man of color as sexual and being well-endowed isn’t fetishism alone, headcanoning a single physically large and strong character as Black isn’t fetishism, thinking an East Asian woman is exceptionally beautiful and elegant isn’t fetishism.
It’s how you do it in relation to how you interact with other characters. Do you only ever write about a male character of color in a highly sexualized context or only ever talk about how big his penis is and what you want him to do to you? Is that large and forceful character the only one you headcanon as having dark skin? Do you fawn over East Asian women as beautiful goddesses and “dragon ladies” but never actually explore them as anything else but just being there for decoration?
(Warning for the next paragraph: intersex fetishism, racist tropes in Star Wars fandom)
Something I commonly see in the Star Wars sphere of fandom is, particularly with the clones, use of the word “savage” or “feral.” For the sake of not singling anyone out, I won’t use URLs, but an example I recently saw firsthand was a prompt about Stewjonis (e.g. Obi Wan) all being intersex and “fertile” and as such exceptionally desirable to the clones, described as having a “hunger” and having “savage, animalistic instincts,” including having a violent, animalistic rage they unleash when they think the White man they think they own is in danger.
The author is fetishizing intersex people (making Obi Wan, a White man being paired with brown men, intersex for the sole purpose of making him “fertile” and able to be impregnated for the sake of a breeding kink- he’s not written as intersex just to be intersex representation, he’s written as an idealized fantasy of intersex for the sake of keeping him “male” but also able to get pregnant to fulfill the author’s bioessentialist fantasies of aggressive, animalistic cis men of color inherently desiring and being unable to help their “instincts” around a “fertile mate.”) and using a common racist stereotype for brown men: that they are “savage,” “animalistic,” sexually aggressive, sexually driven, violent, and sexually dominating over “smaller” (Ewan Mcgregor is 5′10, Temuera Morrison is 5′7. Even if you headcanon the clones as 6′0, as Wookieepedia defaults every adult male human to, that’s still only two inches of difference) light-skinned love interests (who have a vagina).
At a very, very basic level, I can get why the idea of such a dynamic might be appealing: the idea of someone finding you desirable and protecting you/fighting for you without reservation, the idea of “instincts” showing someone’s true feelings they can’t fight for you, etc. etc.. When that’s what you’re going for, it’s a case of you really, really needing to think long and hard about the characters you’re using and how you’re portraying them. I mean, you need to really think about it.
And I get it if it’s a trope you really like or a dynamic you really want to write, but I repeat: this isn’t about you. It’s about the image and stereotypes you may or may not be reinforcing about people of color, men of color, and intersex people to yourself and your readership.
This is the best advice I can give you: Take a step back. Check yourself. Check the way you think about a character, the way you write them, and the way they are portrayed in canon. Think about why you want to write the situation you want to write. Think about how you are portraying the character, and how it might be interpreted by people who aren’t in your brain. Ask yourself if you really think the character would act that way, or if that’s just how you think they should act, and then ask yourself why.
If you find that what you are writing might be falling into fetishistic or derogatory tropes or stereotypes, that’s where you stop. Identify what, specifically, about the situation or scenario appeals to you. Identify why the characters appeal to you. See if you can use those elements in a way that doesn’t reinforce those stereotypes.
2. When does a smut fic involving a man of color become fetishistic? What if an author is simply exaggerating pre-existing character traits for the sake of a smut scenario? Is writing characters partaking in specific kinks or tropes fetishism by default because they’re played by men of color?
I’ll go down the line:
- The short answer: when you use fetishistic tropes. The longer answer: when you use tropes in a context that could be considered fetishistic, and do nothing to add depth to the situation. Show that you put thought into your decisions, and show us why you believe the character would do/act/think that way. If you can’t because it doesn’t make sense and it’s just something you want to happen to engineer a specific trope (E.X. Clones never getting any sex ed ever and freaking out at the thought of a vagina), don’t do it. Are you focusing on a character as a dominant party in bed? Then analyze how you’re portraying that, if you’re using animal comparisons, references to how small and petite his submissive partner is, if you’re portraying it as a healthy sexual relationship or if you’re implying that he’s always possessive, domineering, and intimidating towards his partner- it very much helps to have beta readers.
- Then the author needs to put effort into the scenario they’re writing and really examine why those are the character traits they’re exaggerating in a character of color. Why, of all the character’s traits, are you choosing to play up his strength, size, and aggression in the way that you are? If you still really want to write it: write the characters discussing it as a BDSM roleplay scene or show aftercare that tells us that’s not what the character is normally like, but was an act he was putting on in a pre-agreed scenario. Oftentimes, the issue can be that the author makes no effort to show that this isn’t how the character acts outside of the bedroom, or even erases that line completely by showing no difference between how the character treats his partner in day-to-day life and in bed.
- Not at all. You can write Boba Fett being a Dom and having kinky sex all you want- but it needs to make sense. By that I mean-  writing OOC, shallow smut isn’t a sin, but when it involves men of color, especially in situations where they have already been highly sexualized and fetishized, you, as an author have to think about how you’re writing them. You have to think about if you’re just using them as sockpuppets to write out a dom fantasy you already had pre-engineered, and you need to think about why, exactly, you want to use that specific character in that specific role. Are you writing about the character, or are you using their name and face as a prop to play out the fantasy?
3. I’m White/cis/het/female and I write reader-insert fanfiction, I...
a. ...try to keep my readers ambiguous, but I think I still mess up.
First: Accept that some measure of character description is needed for your readers to not feel like they’re inhabiting the fictional body of a ghost. You’ll never be able to be 100% ambiguous, and that’s okay. Parts of who we are and the way we experience the world will always leak into our writing, and that’s just part of the experience. What’s important is that you’re able to recognize where your experiences are not universal, and decide on if that’s something you can change in your writing.
Next: Some basic tips for common whoopsies that are easy to overlook.
- Hair length, color, and texture
Instead of saying something that implies a particular hair type, such as the way it blows in the wind or how the reader-character brushes or styles it, you can reference that they just have hair without going into detail, such as:
“He found himself unable to sleep that night- normally, he would count the rivets in the ceiling until they blurred together, but now he had a new distraction catching his eye. Your hair against his pillow was new, novel- he found his eyes tracing the strands from root to tip, the way the dim light catching on the strands almost hypnotic, and before he knew it he was delicately tracing his fingertips along a patch near your ear that had grown in what was, to his sleep-deprived mind, an utterly fascinating whorl.” Vs. describing a character running his fingers through the reader’s hair.
- Body type
I will say: sometimes, it makes a reader-insert infinitely more engaging if we have just scant details about the reader character, but that’s usually if the details are uncommon in the genre. By this, I mean: if a reader-insert specified that the reader-character was actually buff and very tall, I would already be more invested, because I never see reader-characters like that.
This being said, when you want ambiguity, when it comes to body type avoid referencing the reader’s weight, size, musculature, height, and build- nothing about curves, nothing about hips, nothing about stomachs.
Again, you can reference that the reader has these things, but without specifying that their stomach is flat or their hips are curvy or that they look small and delicate compared to the love interest. What I see the most of is references to the reader being notably shorter, lighter, or weaker than other characters. If someone is targeting the reader over, say, Din, because they look like they’d be an easier target, instead of saying that it’s because the reader is the smaller, “weaker-looking” target, make note of it being because of some other vulnerability- armor, lack of visible weaponry, hands aren’t free, distracted, because they saw the reader choke on an apple seed in the market earlier and it made them think they were incompetent and easy to take out, etc.
- Skin color
This one is the most basic, but also easy to mess up. Along with things like hair type being correlated with race (ie if you describe a reader-character with long, fine, straight hair, you are excluding the possibility of the reader-character being Black), something that can be easy for lighter-skinned authors to forget is that blush, flush, sunburn, and pallor aren’t easily visible on all skin colors.
If you want to write things like that but don’t know how to portray them without indicating skin tone, try instead using temperature. Reference the reader feeling heat rise to their cheeks, or the uncomfortable warmth radiating from a minor burn, or how cold and clammy their skin feels.
- Unnecessary references to the reader’s gender (E.X. gendered bathrooms, dressing rooms, calling the reader-character things like “the girl” or “the woman”)
If you’re writing a fic with a gender-neutral reader, you do not need to use any of those in the story. I promise, you don’t. If you have to, either find a way around it or just... don’t. If you want to make the reader gender-neutral, you don’t need these. I promise.
If you’re writing a gender-neutral but explicitly AFAB reader: also don’t use these, because it defeats the purpose of you saying the reader is supposed to be gender-neutral. In fact, make the reader’s gender the absolute LAST thing you put in the fic. Write the whole thing as if the concept of gender doesn’t exist.
- Typically gendered characteristics such as voice pitch and tone, face shape, chest, hips, hands, height
See above. The thing is, none of these things are inherently indicative of gender, but for many people, they are. If you say you’re writing a gender-neutral reader, but include reference to very feminine-associated traits, you’re telling the reader that you wrote the reader-character as essentially Girl Lite.
Something not enough people realize is that there are AMAB nonbinary people, there are cis AFAB women who are very masculine, and so on. “Gender-neutral” shouldn’t mean “Female 2″ or “tomboy.”
- And think to yourself: Would I write a male character acting this way?
This is... self-explanatory. And also very important. And why I say to make gender the absolute last thing you put in the fic. I’ll talk more about this specifically at the end!
Something important to note: Nonbinary is not the same as gender-neutral!
Nonbinary specifically refers to the gender identity in which you are neither strictly male nor strictly female- your gender identity exists outside of the male-female binary.
Gender-neutral means that references to the reader’s gender are removed and it can be read by someone of any sex or gender without being taken out of the experience by gendered traits or situations.
...want to start writing readers who aren’t like me, but don’t know where to start.
Just do it, really. That’s the best way to do it. You don’t have to make it a major part of the fic!
I can only really speak on the experience of being nonbinary and reading fics written by cis authors, and again, at the very end I’ll go more into personal feelings and experience, but I really do mean just write it. Get a beta reader, or friends to look it over. Ask people from different reader demographics what they want to see. It doesn’t have to change the entire course of your writing.
...am afraid of writing a different kind of reader-character and getting something wrong.
It happens! No one can know every experience under the sun, and if you’re not writing from experience, you’re bound to get one or two details wrong.
But! That shouldn’t stop you from doing it! This is where getting a beta reader or having a discord server really helps, you can get viewpoints from people with different experiences to tell you what does and doesn’t work.
At the end of this post I’ll talk about things I, specifically, would like to see as a trans person, and how being nb affects the way I see things.
4. What’s wrong with dysphoria fics?
from here on out is personal conjecture
Nothing. I just don’t like them because, well.
They’re basically the only time I ever see fics with an explicitly trans reader, and they all follow the exact same formula: Someone or something triggers reader’s dysphoria, the reader is sad and having a bad time, the love interest comes in and validates the reader’s gender and it’s all better.
One: I’ve never seen this done with a trans woman reader.
Two: It’s... tiring, having the only representation you ever see of yourself being about dysphoria. A lot of the fics are written as personal comfort fics or were requested by a trans person with dysphoria, and that’s fine, but I want to see a grand, multi-chapter fic with an engaging plot and reader-character engagement that just... has a trans reader. It’s not a thing, they just are, because trans people’s lives don’t constantly revolve around how trans they are.
There are more “nonbinary” reader fics than there are fics about trans men or trans women. And all the nonbinary readers are AFAB- I have not seen a SINGLE AMAB nonbinary reader-insert in the Star Wars fandom.
It’s just one of those things that is just... it’s not bad, it’s just kind of exhausting? I’m the kind of person who wants to see stories of people like me just on adventures, not more about how miserable we are because our bodies are wrong or something.
I don’t speak for every trans person, I don’t and I never will. But I think a lot of the people who request dysphoria fic... don’t actually want to read about that. Body dysphoria is touted as the defining trans experience, and a lot of people genuinely believe you have to be dysphoric to be trans. Not only is this not true, but it’s also harmful. Hating your body sucks. Hating your body specifically because you know people use it to judge how to treat you super sucks. Thinking you have to hate your body or else you’re not really trans and are just pretending? Ultra suck.
I’m nonbinary, my partner is a trans man. I’ll paste his thoughts on the matter (minor edits to punctuation and paragraph breaks):
“But in all honesty it’s very very tiring, I think the majority of people asking for a dysphoria fic don’t actually realise they want something else. Many trans people feel dysphoria, myself included, but not all of them do, and it doesn’t make them any less trans, but the overall focus on dysphoria has made it this be all end all thing in and out of the trans community. It’s what people often think of when they think of trans people and while it’s certainly a thing, I think the focus has become entirely too toxic. I think newer trans people tend to internalise dysphoria a lot, especially if they don’t experience it to an extent which is ‘acceptable enough to be considered trans’.
Given that context I think that what a lot of people are looking for when they ask writers for dysphoria fics is actually validation and gender euphoria. They want validation of their gender identity because they’ve recently experienced dysphoria and are looking for escapism. It’s something I myself have only come to realise recently despite being out as trans for a considerable amount of time. I don’t expect cis writers to fully understand the intensely personal and nuanced relationship every trans person has with gender and identity, nor do I blame them for using dysphoria as a go-to, especially when the request was for a dysphoria fic. I am however asking writers to instead try more validation and less focus on the bad aspects of being trans such as dysphoria and discrimination.
Again, this is a very complicated subject, and I am only one trans person and one opinion. However I do believe people get stuck in that focus on dysphoria, and it’s not a healthy mindset to be in. For cis writings including trans people in their reader inserts, I’d recommend making them explicitly trans, whether it be male/female/nb, because you cannot have gn pronouns and call it a day, especially not if it’s an nb person because it’s simply not the same as gn pronouns in a fic. Cis writers tend to have a stereotype when it comes to trans people, especially on tumblr where trans men are always seen as soft twinky UwU Bois and it gets real old real fast. I cannot name a single fic I’ve read that’s had a trans reader not in a binder or on hrt. You don’t have to transition to be trans, but it would be nice to see some variation and have some guys only have top surgery or only have bottom surgery or have no surgery and be okay with it. Medically transitioning is by no means the be all end all but every trans experience is unique and it’s very bland to see the same trans story every time you read a reader insert. I am of course speaking from the point of view of a trans man, I can’t imagine what it must be like for trans women because those fics are even less common!“
5. Okay what was it you said earlier about stuff you’d come back to?
Glad you asked!
Look, I’ll be straight up and honest, this is something that’s hard to put into words because it’s such a nebulous experience, and I don’t know how to describe it to cis writers but.
Sometimes the way gender neutral, nonbinary, and trans male readers are written really comes across like the author wrote a female reader and just went back to change the pronouns.
The reason why it’s hard to explain at times is because there’s nothing overt, but there are specific patterns in the way authors write reader characters and their love interests, like... female-coding.
The way the reader-character interacts with the world, the way they’re written interacting with characters, the way characters are written viewing them, the way their body language is described- things that, if you take a step back, you’d realize “oh, I wouldn’t write a cis male character like this.”
Again, it’s... really, really hard to put into words, but it’s a pattern my partner and I have both noticed that’s made it hard to enjoy a lot of trans/nonbinary reader fics. The issue isn’t that the reader-character is feminine in any way, the issue is that that’s all anyone ever writes them like.
Reader-insert fics already have a very homogenized experience of “reader-character is extremely passive in their narrative and has little agency in their story other than to exist alongside a canon character for him to eventually fall in love with.” Even in fics where the reader is explicitly a cis woman, there are these... unnecessary references to her being female that, to me, just seem to serve no purpose.
This is. Incredibly just Me saying this here. But it’s genuine, from someone who hasn’t actually Had A Gender in over a decade now: Is... being a woman really that prominent in cis women’s lives? Is it really that big a part of who you are? I want to know, because it’s so wildly different for me, and if I’m going to give advice on how to write reader-characters of other genders, I kind of. Really need to have that one ironed out.
If your gender plays a large role in who you are and your perception of yourself: that’s great, chase your bliss, it’s good to know who you are and what you’re comfortable with! It’s just a theme I keep seeing in reader-inserts that... takes me out of it? Someone whose gender is featured so heavily in their identity and the way they interact with the world might not realize that, say, a nonbinary person, just... has a completely different relationship with gender.
And I’ll say this, too: Trans men’s experiences and relationships with their gender is also wildly different to that of a cis woman. There is overlap in some places, yes, but it is still a completely different relationship, and cannot be treated as the same.
I think this is where the problem lies, and why I never see trans woman readers or AMAB nonbinary readers: consciously or not, cis female writers write what they know, and are applying their experiences and relationship with gender to trans AFAB readers assuming it will be the same or similar enough.
I will say, as a general rule of thumb: it really is not. Do not treat it like it is, please. This is why I say to write as if gender doesn’t exist. Just write the character, write the story, and then worry about their pronouns. Don’t even think about what they look like or their voice if you find that stopping you.
Write the reader as a character, not as a woman.
Now that that’s out of the way.
6. How can I make my reader-insert stand out?
I’ll let my partner, Felix, take over for this one again:
“People write what they know so expand your knowledge by talking to others.
Reader inserts are often very passive, too. Try to have your reader become the driving force instead of letting plot happen around them. For example, try to imagine why the reader and the characters would have a reason to talk/bond, what would be reasonable motivations for the reader? Why would the characters care about the reader?
Easy ways to do this include having an already established relationship between the reader and character that you can draw from, the reader has to accompany the characters for an amount of time on a joint goal, anything other than ‘reader is sexy lamp and characters like reader because reader is sexy.’ If you’re gonna write about a one night stand, then write about a one night stand, but don’t try to shoe horn in a whole relationship.
if you’re gonna write tropes then you have to:
1) Make it your own. “School for superpowered kids” is the core of several IPs: my hero academia, Harry Potter and xmen, but all of them are very different to each other. If you’re writing for reader inserts, a common trope is ‘reader whisked away by character to start a new life.’ This trope is everywhere, and it’s fine, but art is all about that execution.Think more about why these things are happening; why is the reader being whisked away, why does the character care about them, why would they stay together after the initial danger has passed? Don’t explain it to me either, show me the events leading up to the scene you want. Don’t tell me ‘ever since character rescued reader he’s been in love with them,’ show me those events, show me the lead up, show me why I should give a damn. If the fanfic wasn’t specifically reader insert, would it still be interesting?
2) Execute your tropes well. Execution is the most important thing when it comes to art. You can have the most brilliant idea in the world but if you don’t execute it properly it’s worth about as much as dirt. A movie can have a great idea, but if the pacing is off or the lighting bad or the sound design shit it’s not gonna work is it? Best example are the original Star Wars trilogy vs the prequels, I could go on for ages about the differences between them and the behind the scenes, but the gist is that during the filming of the og trilogy Harrison Ford, Carrie fisher and mark Hamill were constantly rewriting the script during scenes to flow better and sound better, Lucas’ wife was the editor and was the reason we have those great scenes that are seared into the memory of our society.
With the prequels many people had credited Lucas as being the sole reason the og trilogy was so successful, therefore he had more free reign and bogged down the movies with things that, yes, might have been interesting lore wise, but served no purpose for the actual story. His execution was bad. Your execution of your fic doesn’t have to be on the grand scale of a million dollar budget movie, but you do have to make the effort if you want to make a good story. You wanna write a horny smut fic? Power to you, do research into bdsm and healthy safe sex practices. Go into depth about how that makes the characters feel and how it connects to them as people. You can do a fantastic character study just from bdsm practices because of how personal and intimate that situation can be. Even without hard smutty stuff you can still write a deep and personal fic about a character falling in love with the reader if you just take the time to actually develop the relationship between them.”
Phew, that was a lot. Those were really the Main Big Questions I hopefully answered to a satisfactory degree. Ask box is always open, though!
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joyrose-fandomer · 3 years
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Please, don’t fall for me (Sanders Sides fantasy school AU) Chap 3
Relationships : Future (Prinxiety, Intrological, Mocite, Platonique Moxiety and platonique Analogical)
POV : Virgil
TW : Water, Manipulation
Previous<<
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Virgil couldn't focus on anything after that.
He kept looking at the pamphlet and the folded paper on his laps. 
The pamphlet showed a picture of a big white building. It looked like a bad copy of Harvard. 
It was named "Pine hills High school and College of art, sport and science" which was long for nothing and boring like literally any school.
But most importantly, it looked pricy. So Virgil looked around the pamphlet but he couldn't find any price anywhere. 
Tss, of course, they wouldn't.
It said on the pamphlet that the school had good infrastructure and good results in every sportive, artistic and scientific field. That it had 100% chance for the student to have a diploma and list several students that became important.
Virgil didn't know any of those names and most importantly, never heard of that school.
  On the other hand, the folded paper was a lot less fancy. There was no picture only a name and a few commentaries.
It didn't look official in any way. In fact, it was very obvious that Remy had written everything.
But it gave a strange feeling, like the ink and paper weren't normal. Like it could disappear at any moment if Virgil stopped looking at it or if anyone else looked at it.
He knew it didn't make much sense, but he could swear that he saw the words glitter from time to time.
"The Argus school" was the name written on the paper. 
"School for young magical creatures to learn how to control their powers in safety."
So, like a school of magic? When did Virgil step into Harry Potter?
  It was so cliché and suspicious, Remy was surely messing with him. 
What if it was all an elaborate prank?
What if it was a kidnapping technic and Virgil was falling straight for it?
Should he call the police?
Would they believe him?
But what if it was not a joke?
It was so unrealistic but it explained so many things...
That day when school ended Virgil didn't directly go home.
He went to the pool.
"Hello, do you have a ticket ?"
The young women at the entrance asked.
Oh. Well, he needed to confirm that too eventually.
The high school boy took a deep breath.
"No, I forgot...sorry"
Her voice was suddenly a lot softer.
"It's ok, I can give you one. It's 7$"
Alright, he won't have to meet her again, he could do it.
He took off his mask and hood
"I'm sorry miss. I forgot to bring money"
She blinked like she was trying to adjusted her eyes after being flashed with a stong light.
"Alright, I will take your name and you can pay later"
"Wait really?" Virgil exclaimed, not expecting the woman to actually let him get away with it so easily.
The woman smiled. "Yes, but don't tell anyone, I'm not supposed to do that. So what's your name ?"
"Virgil Apkallu"
"That's an interesting name could you spell it ?"
Virgil spelled his name like he always did. Before remembering an important fact.
"I don't have my swimsuit!"
She laughed. Virgil couldn't blame her, he really didn't think that through.
"Do you want to go home to pick it up?"
If he got home it would be too late, his father wouldn't let him go back out again.
He looked up at the women. Making eye contact with someone for the first time in what felt like an eternity.
"If I go home I don't know if I would be able to come back..."
She froze and thought for a bit before walking away and coming back with her wallet. 
"Here, go to the dispenser and get yourself a swimsuit"
"Wha- but it's your money, I can't"
"It's fine kid, it's just 2$. Now go before we close"
Virgil sighed and bought simple black shorts. He thanked the woman and she let him get in.
He felt guilty. He knew he didn't ask her to do all that and she was the one who insisted. But he couldn't help but feel like he manipulated that woman.
But it's what he was trying to do, didn’t he ?
The pool was empty. It was late and during fall it was too cold to go swimming.
The pool attendants weren't here, probably thinking that no one would come at that hour.
So Virgil had the water for himself.
Time to get it over with.
The good thing with being an anxious mess like Virgil is that you end up collecting techniques to get rid of disillusions.
Often the biggest disillusions were the hardest to get rid of. It's the ones that make the less sense. 
Like thinking everyone you meet want to kill you, or that your parents were secretly robots.
But the good thing is. The bigger they are the easier it is to prove your brain wrong.
If you don't turn into a wolf under the full moon, you're not a werewolf.
If you don't have magic powers you're not a witch.
And if you can't breathe underwater you're not a siren.
A normal human can't survive underwater for more than 5 minutes, a trained diver can stay at best 12 minutes.
Virgil only had to stay underwater until he felt the huge to breathe.
If he could stay underwater for longer than that without needing to go out to breathe then... haha no, it was stupid last time he was just confused because he fell into the pool in the middle of a panic attack. 
He will be out in a few seconds.
He slowly went down the stairs. The water was colder than he remembered.
It was probably reckless to test that alone but at least no-one was here to stop him.
Once he was in, the cold was a lot more bearable. In fact, it was numbing pleasantly.
The only swimmer went around the pool using the border to hold himself. But he didn't really need it, it was mostly the lack of confidence.
Eventually, he let go of the side of the pool and swam to the center of the water.
He felt free. Like floating in space. Swiming was so easy, it was second nature.
Virgil set the timer at 0.
And go !
He let himself sink.
The echoes of the empty room, the lapping of the water, the far-away cars.
It all dissolved into silence.
The golden hue of the sunset reflected all around, slithering in the water like hundreds of glowing vines.
Virgil was still holding his nose under the water but he didn't feel the need to breathe. Actually, he was already breathing. 
He brushed the side of his neck. His skin was taking off but it didn't hurt.
He breathed in.
Water entered the gap in his neck.
He breathed out. 
Water went out of the gap.
Gills.
He never had gills. Since when did he had gills?
He let go of all the air he was holding in a string of bubbles. 
He watched them float away. Reflecting the sunlight, making them shine the away fairy lights would.
Bright and clear.
When he tried to breathe through the nose, the airway seemed blocked and he ended up breathing by his Gilles again.
He was breathing underwater. He could see underwater.
He could see and breathe better than on land.
His hair fell on his face.
He could see his own eyes reflecting in them like a mirror and his eyes reflected his hair the same way.
This was new. Usually, they were both jet black. 
He swam to one of the Hublot around the pool.
His hair reflected the pool around, perfectly merging with the water like they were trying their hardest to disappear. His eyes were hardly any better. They were glossy and blue with gold lights just like the water around.
Usually, his eyes were so dark he could barely see his pupils well now that his eyes were different... He still couldn't. Apparently, his pupils also got this mirror effect.
This one was probably not a new thing. The boy could remember every time someone had the great idea of pointing a flashlight at him only to scream because his pupils were shining like a wild animal.
The confused boy swam around. 
It was so simple, like taking a walk around the park.
So peaceful,
So comfortable,
So pretty,
So safe,
It felt like home.
Virgil didn't know how much time he spent here. He didn't want to look at the timer. 
He didn't want to walk. He didn't want to choke on air. He didn't want to feel the pressure of the world.
This was where he belonged. He was happy.
He didn't want to go.
He looked up. The golden light turned silver.
It was night. He needed to go home.
With a sigh, the half siren swam out. Posing the timer but not looking at it.
Everything was so heavy out there. Virgil dresses up slowly and difficultly. His clothes stuck to him and made moving even harder.
Taking a deap breath of his inhaler and dragging himself away from the pool.
The woman looked surprised that he was still here but she still waved him goodby with a smile.
The cold autumn wind gave him a headache, the boy hid his wet hair in is hood and walked.
By the time he arrived home, his body was freezing.
His mind bearly felt anything.
"Do you have any idea how late it is? 
I was so worried! Where were you ?!"
His father immediately yelled when he opened the door.
Virgil stayed silent. He didn't feel guilty, just, empty.
He walked around mindlessly, working only on muscle memory. His father still yelling behind him but he couldn't hear anything.
When he took off his hood his father went silent and stared at him wearily.
"Virgil, why are you soaked ?"
His son took a deep breath and locked eyes with his parent with a serious expression.
"Dad. Who is my mother ?"
***<>============<>***
Sorry, the story didn’t advence a lot this chapter, I really just wanted to right water again ! (^u^’)
Tag list : @angstysunshine @sander-sides-fics 
@moments-of-selves @sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes (I still don’t know if you want me to tag you or not so if you want me to stop just tell me ok ? (^u^))
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acloudkat · 3 years
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Gossip Girl 2.0
So. . . I was unsure of whether I was going to talk about this or not but… in the end, here we are!
I shall be talking about the Gossip Girl Reboot.
Now quick disclaimer and mild *excuse you* to HBO, please find ways to make your content accessible to Europe because there are those of us that are interested and unfortunately your "Max" service is US only and honestly i see no reasonable logic behind it. Therefore my means of getting access to this content shall not be discussed.
Extra disclaimer, there will be spoilers. Doi.
Now I am a big die hard fan of the original GG series and despite the outdated (to today’s standards) comparisons and slang, some of the topics hold up even today. For anyone curious or questioning my opinion, based on my generation, I am mildly in the middle as a Zelenial at 23. I did not grow up with GG, I learned about it when I was 14 but watched it for the first time when I was 19. Since, I have watched it up to 14-17 times; more than 10 for sure. So you can do with that as you please. The main reason I mention this is due to some articles and comments pointing out that maybe it’s a “Gen Z only media” or that “Millennials are just bitter cause it’s not theirs”. Keeping that in mind I will be as per usual showing the ups and downs of the show (so far and later on) from my own personal perspective.
After watching ep 1. (& now 2 which will be in a separate post after this) I have a few questions, comments AND concerns. So let’s get into those shall we :)
So let's do a little round up of our characters.
We have newcomer Zoya Lott that is moving to NYC on a Constance scholarship! But little did anyone in the show know, it was all a plot to get to be with her *half sister*. WHAT?! So the tldl on that is that Zoya and our other main character, Julien Calloway, share a mom! Mom, that i quote "left Julien's dad for Zoya's dad and the dads hate each other" because of which hate, they had absolutely forbidden their daughters from communicating. One thing led to another, a friend request was sent and this is basically the parent trap. . . . but for the kids. . .and they're aware of it cause they made it. . . I suppose? The parents haven't really been mentioned to matter in their plan, however, they do keep bringing up their middle names as "Zoya Jane and Julien Elizabeth" as clues left by their mother? Now some rumours around the web have connected the names to the Pride and Prejudice novels and while that would be extremely Gossip Girl-esque to do, and I am entirely up for that, hell yea!!! I'm wondering if it's as simple as... their mother's name was Elizabeth Jane... but maybe GG will be the one to discover that secret first? Other than that, Zoya is very much a very trusting "innocent type" character that probably has more past than we know about so it will be quite interesting to see how that elaborates going further into the series.
Then there is self-made influencer Julien Calloway. She is the new version of queen at Constance but as stated, they "don't do the patriarchy anymore". While she appears all smiles and kindness, personally i feel as if JC is kind of fake? She has things she cares about yes, but the moment someone or something interferes with her followers and her social standing or Obie (more on him later)
"the gloves come off and the claws come out" - Serena Van der Woodsen
When it comes to Julien I am honestly more curious to see who she is once you take away the followers and the media. Will she be an actual person or just a shallow obsessed spoiled brat? I just hope it won't be the typical story of "have to be perfect and have to have everyone like me because my mom left" ie. has mommy issues. That is how that cliche goes after all. So I am greatly hoping that's not going to be it for this one.
Obie Bergmann! We get introduced to Obie as Julien's boyfriend. Throughout ep 1, the things we learn about Obie are that he is basically the richest in the group, and lives in Dumbo. (irony from original GG for anyone that can guess it). He appears like a super nice and kind dude, a supportive boyfriend, kind of bland and tired of the relationship but the main thing that bothers me about him so far is his impossible to ignore "white guilt syndrome". For anyone unaware, "white guilt" is "remorse or shame felt by a white person with respect to racial inequality and injustice". While it's not a bad thing trying to make up for the in-equality in the world, here's hoping that's not his entire character cus that would get old quick.
Then we have the bestie, Audrey Hope. Audrey. . . is cold but to the point. Very analysing and observing. Definitely the type of character that would take all the info first and decide what to do after. I both like and am confused by her? Her cold mannerisms are quite enjoyable among the masses of drama and emotion I won't lie. However, i do predict a juicy threesome between her, boyfriend Aki and one Max Wolfe. Honestly, I am highly interested in how their relationship evolves.
Aki Menzies is kind of a mystery as of the moment. As to be expected with just 1 episode, we won't know too much about all the characters. He is the very supportive boyfriend that tries to keep the peace between everyone.
Max Wolfe on the other hand appears like the much more flamboyant version of Chuck Bass, if Chuck Bass had a supportive family environment and no limits on who he's dating. That's more or less for him but kuddos for his 0 hesitation to basically have a pic of his dick sent to everyone. I will never not find that hilarious. But again, between these three is my prediction for some juicy interactions. Cause to be fully honest, the chemistry is undeniable.
Monet de Haan. Ah. She is honestly the savage that we need around here. She is the control and the power behind Julien's brand honestly. I am curious how come she helps Julien with her brand rather than have her own? If we go off anything said in the episode, she is more feared than adored so maybe that's why? But Monet honey, fear can also have a following, just . . a different one.
And then there's Luna La, "The stylist" while we don't know much about her, some of her one liners are actively giving me life. Her and Monet are definitely a package deal and i wonder if there is juicier gossip there that we don't know yet.
Lastly, we have our new Gossip Girl. Young teacher, Kate Keller. I won't lie, i did not see us knowing who GG is from the get go. I am however wondering whether this will drag her down to the level of highschoolers (besides the fact that she looks younger than some of them xD) Something that is bothering me in the reboot however, is that technically, characters that represent adults, spying on minors??? Like they even make the point that "i shouldn't have these, i should be in jail" in regards to having almost naked pictures of the kids. Like it's not really okay??? In the original yea no one knew who GG was but they always knew it was someone their age. The teachers didn't care at those times. But they do now and I am not fully sure how okay it is.
And of course, the extras like some of the other teachers behind GG and the parents. We however, don't know too much about them as of now so we shall see soon. If any new characters are introduced they will be addressed but for now, onto the episode!
The half sisters plot is definitely interesting so I would love to know where the whole middle names thing will go. The story line I'm most interested in at the moment however is between Audrey, Max and Aki. I want to see that unwind into something horrendous but then beautiful! It has so much potential in my opinion. In terms of character development however i want to see who Julien is without all of her fame and followers. When the focus is not the media and the attention. I want to see that Julien.
The first episode definitely introduced us to a lot of things at once so far that is my take on them. I'm sure that in the future both the teachers and parents will be a bigger part but one thing is abundantly clear. Unlike the OGGG, there won't be more than maybe 2-3 seasons depending on the ages of the students. The teachers won't follow them onto college will they? Or will things drastically change along the way? It was rather amusing seeing them talk about all the old characters however, and reference the OG Gossip Girl. I am vaguely offended that they categorised twitter as "a glorified chatroom for memes for people over 30". Like dude. . . that hit me hard. I am happy that FB was never even mentioned as existing tho! Cause let's be honest that is not the "hip" thing anymore. But the rules they put down at the party definitely made my head spin. Had to listen to them twice to even get what was happening.
But that's probably enough of me babbling on about this xD If you want to find this on an apparently dying type of media, here's my blog post about it as well lol: https://acloudkat.wordpress.com/?p=960
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mrs-nate-humphrey · 4 years
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“#before he became evil aligned!!” poor dan lmao. actually, i’m curious, what’s your take on dan as a character, and his development throughout the show? season 6 really did it’s level best character assassination on him imo, but until that point i really enjoyed the direction his character was heading. curious because i absolutely adore the way you write dan (and dair) in your fanfics and i was wondering on what your take on him was
ahhh hi! getting this ask was a delight because honestly, talking about dan always brings me great joy. i’ve only watched gossip girl once (yeah, i know!) and i relate pretty heavily to dan (weird introvert, wants to be a writer, always felt out of place in high school but found my friend group in college, etc) so i am pretty biased. anyway this got long, so i’m putting it under a cut!
so, for the most part, i really liked dan in season 1. i don’t remember too much about him in season 2 or 3, like, specific details, because it’s been a while since i watched those seasons, RIP. i feel like season 4 was the last season we had a likeable dan (or at least, a dan i liked!). season 5 had some good dan moments, but at the same time i wasn’t very happy with some developments in his character, and i absolutely agree with you about season 6 slaughtering his character, haha. i’ll elaborate as much as i can.
things about dan’s character that stand out to me are moments like the one in s1 when he talks to blair in the stairway before they’re even friends and opens up about his mother. when i watched that i was like :0 because that was a very big expression of openness and vulnerability, and for him to offer it to blair, who he didn’t even like, just to show her that he understood/ could relate to having mother-related issues was such a big act of kindness, especially because it wasn’t something he owed her or something expected of him. he didn’t need to do that, but he did anyway! i found that sweet. 
in the same vein, when blair, vanessa, georgina and dan are all at NYU, dan taking blair along to georgina’s party even though they aren’t friends because he knows what it feels like to be left behind, and he doesn’t want to do that to anyone - like, that moved me, a lot. lonely kids get it! dan did the exact opposite thing with his newfound popularity that blair would’ve done; he did his best to ensure that everyone - even people he didn’t like - were included. 
since you’ve read my fic, you’ve probably seen my overuse of the “dan is not gossip girl” tag. i don’t think it makes sense for him to be gg, not because of stuff like him reacting in an empty room or whatever else, but mostly because of his arc. the whole charlie trout thing in season 2 (i think it was s2?) where he writes the story about chuck and his mom and then doesn’t send it anywhere because he doesn’t want fame at the cost of exploiting his friends, and then that bit where he doesn’t publish the bart bass fire in a building story because he knows it’ll hurt chuck, serena, and their family made it clear that dan understood that his words had the ability to do real, tangible harm, and was trying to be ethical about it. 
in fact, in the end of s4, when vanessa steals his manuscript, his reaction isn’t elation; it’s one of horror. he knows what’s in that will hurt people, and he doesn’t want it to see the light of day in the form it’s in. the phone call between dan and vanessa before she takes the manuscript and makes a run for it made me hold my breath while i was watching it - it was so clear that dan didn’t want it to be published. the fact that the choice was taken from him left me feeling pretty sad at the end of s4.
which is why when s5 began, i felt like it was pretty discordant for him to be so enthusiastic about the book in the way he was - his entire “it’s just fiction” spiel obviously didn’t fool anybody who he’d written about, and it felt inconsistent for him to feel that way? like, dan knew the potential of that manuscript to hurt people. him suddenly acting like it’s art and therefore justified & absolved from criticism felt really off to me, especially given his stance on this issue in the past. s5 dan reminded me a lot of a very specific type of writer - a really pretentious, sees themself as better than anyone else, “i’m not being rude i’m just being honest”  (when they are actually being very disrespectful) kind of character, and i didn’t like that much. 
however, s5 also had dan being a great friend to blair, and just, idk, doing his best in other spheres of his life, which is why i used the phrase “evil aligned” in that hashtag - i wouldn’t say s5 dan was evil, he definitely wasn’t malicious in the way s6 dan was. but he was callous in a way that i felt made s6 dan’s cruelty sort of believable to me - like i could see how s5 dan would evolve into s6 dan, especially given the season finale: blair’s rejection, serena’s manipulation (i usually love serena, but she was evil this season), and possibly his own self-hate/regret about cheating on blair - i think it makes sense for him to handle all of these emotions extremely badly and come out of the ordeal bitter. 
a lot of people say that dan’s very judgemental - i actually didn’t see as much of it as people make it out to be, probably because this is my first watch and this show is so full of things, like, so much is happening all the time? i wasn’t really watching the show with the intention of analysing dan, so i feel like a lot of stuff probably went over my head. 
i do see dan having a lot of harsh opinions about people he barely knows, jumping to conclusions too quickly, etc, but something i like about dan is (before he became vaguely evil) the moment he realised he made a mistake, he did his level best to fix it. like that entire incident where he’s supposed to be blair’s wingman with chuck in s2, and he sabotages it on purpose, and then serena goes ‘that wasn’t okay’ and then he tries to salvage it by talking to chuck? i feel like dan fucks up a lot and makes bad decisions but he also is aware that he isn’t perfect, or whatever. idk. maybe i choose to just see the best parts of dan.
also dan being nasty about serena hurt my heart, and my favourite thing about fanfic is that i can sort of go “fuck this, we don’t want this for dan or serena”. i like dan and serena as being exes who are still friends, and i wish the show had given us that - dan complains about serena a lot at various points and as someone who really likes serena (she’s my child, ok) i was really :/ about that. 
anyway, i feel like dan’s biggest flaw is that he can sort of get stuck in his own head sometimes? like, he forgets that there is more to reality than just his little dan-bubble. and this often leads to him acting like a dick, or not being thoughtful, or forming opinions about people too quickly. this isn’t really a small flaw. in the right context and in the right situations, i feel like dan can do a lot of damage and cause a lot of harm in a way that is in character for him.
the way the show did it though? nah. 
also, if they’d made him super evil from the start (like they did georgina), i would totally have vibed with it! but alas, they did not.
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theda-rison · 4 years
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Camp Nano July 2020 - Results, Discussion, and Conclusion
the Like, wow, Scoob! 
Camp Nano July 2020 is done, and here are some thoughts:
I always knew that writing a comic script was going to be a learning experience - I’ve never written a comic script so it really couldn’t be anything except for a learning experience - but hoooooo boy, was it ever!
Before starting I couldn’t find anything on how long comic scripts normally are; I don’t know why, that just seems information that isn’t really shared? (If anyone knows of a resource, please send it to me!) I’m guessing it has a lot to do with there just being less comic writers than there are say, book writers and movie writers. That’s probably what happens when your interests are niche in some way, it’s just harder to find anything about them.
FORTUNATELY, I have the fancy library-bound volumes of The Sandman, and there’s excerpts of the scripts in the back. Which like… thank you @neil-gaiman​, or whoever made that decision, because being able to look at an actual script and see how it’s formatted and what’s included has been the biggest help. Even the “How to Write a Comic Script!” videos I found on YouTube didn’t have example scripts which... I don’t know, I don’t get it. Please include examples, comic YouTubers. I am confusion.
Now is the time for a sexy graph, because we are the kind of people who keep Excel spreadsheets of word counts and make graphs for fun.
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Anyway, let’s look at…
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[Good. I was listening to As The World Falls Down by David Bowie over and over, and now this is stuck in my head again. I don’t know why I do these things to myself. Also, I love Peter Tork’s face during some of the “AAAHHHH”s lol]
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I can’t remember if I stated this before or during Camp at any point, but my goal was 60k words. I dislike aspiring for un-round numbers like “1667″ every day. Any number I could possibly pick is arbitrary, but for some reason the classic Nanowrimo number of 1667 seems even more arbitrary. “2000″ is a much better number. And, I can generally write 2000 words in two hours before running out of steam, so it works out well. It also divides better.
Having said that, you might be thinking, “Theda, the end Actual number on your graph is a lot closer to 90k than it is 60k,” and you would be right, good eyes. Were I Brandon Sanderson and you were one of my students, I would toss you a gummi bear. As it is, you’re not my student and I have no gummi bears and I’m not even Brandon Sanderson… so life is just upsetting I guess.
[But I am back to listening to As The World Falls Down, so I suppose it all works out.]
Back to the graph: The Actual. Look at this wavy-fucking-scalloped-fucking progression. Look at it. I can’t tell if it makes me happy or angry or what, but I know it gives me some kind of feeling. I think I like it from a purely aesthetic point of view, but from the point of the view of the person who made it, it annoys me.
I had a couple of days where I - in my infinite stupidity - didn’t really elaborate on what was supposed to happen in some of the scenes in my scene list and so I spent my “Writing!” time (as it’s labeled in my planner) not writing, but looking at the page cursing myself for not having written any directions for me, a directionless person.
You may also notice that the Goal bars suddenly jump up on the 24th day,. That’s because - in my infinite wisdom - I redid my goals after reaching 60k. It just makes more sense to me to be like, “Well, I punched that goal in the face. Let’s try and go WAY overboard,” because I have the Too Much gene and as Henry Rollins says: “Don't do anything by half. If you love someone, love them with all your soul. When you go to work, work your ass off. When you hate someone, hate them until it hurts.” I wouldn’t say that’s a personal philosophy so much as a Thing I Am Compelled To Do Or I Will Die.
But that’s just me.
As for the trend line, I prefer it looking more steep because that’s way more gratifying, but that’s what I get for writing parts of my scene list like, “That’s okay, Future Me will take care of it!” Past Me, you are a dick and you need to stop doing these things. You are a bastard.
Now for the table! 
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[I’m sorry if that’s very small.]
And this time I’m showing you the actual table I use to write down my words. Complicated? Yes. Sexy? Very yes. A little annoying? Also yes. Do we get a little worried that she works too hard and refuses to take a vacation? We do, but we also know that she does it because she loves her work, and we love and support her and bring her snacks throughout the workday to keep her going. What a great table.
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First of all: Yes, my first writing block is at 4am. It’s because I have a day job and if I write from 4-6 I can use my brain right when it’s freshly slumbered instead of using it for nonsense at work all day and being unable to write and aggravated because my mental capacity is nil and I no longer know what words are. In an ideal world I would be able to write all day but, here we are.
You might notice there’s a lot of 0’s in the 4am block, especially in the fourth week, and that’s more so because - in my infinite infiniteness (infinity?) - I am secretly an ice giant (but like, smaller) and it’s summer and the northern hemisphere is Too Hot and I literally will not be able to sleep at night until about December. Until then, I am forced to understand what it’s like to be a jacket potato for half of the year so I can empathize with their starchy pain because this is, for whatever reason, Important.
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It me. (Recipe)
Anyway,
My record day was 7519 on the 10th, which is just sexy and fun and cool and everything we want, and my lowest was a big fat 0 on the 16th.
I felt super motivated for reasons I don’t remember on the 10th. This is because I didn’t have my planner yet and was not keeping notes anywhere else at that time. (It’s an undated Daily Passion Planner, in case you’re also a slut for planners and wish to know ;) ). I think I was trying to do a 10k day just for funzies? Which, technically, at 2k words in 2 hours I should be able to do 10k in 5, but cell phones exist (and are too distracting), and until I shed my corporeal form I still have to do things like “make food and eat it,” and “get up to pee,” and “experience all the vagaries and horrors of human existence.” I’m hoping it clears up soon. 
The 16th was the day that Future Me took Past Me by the hand and said, “My good bitch, you need to stop doing that thing where you leave shit for me because you run out of motivation or executive function or whatever the fuck is happening where you decide you don’t want to do something anymore, seemingly at random. You deciding to leave school before the day even started because you were bored may have been cute when you were a kid - and also annoying for everyone around you, and just alarming that time they had to pry your hands off the door molding as you held on to it and screamed - but as an adult you are both the cause of and the person who has to deal with this bullshit, and you need to stop.”
On the 16th I went to the Shrine of the Self (sorry, I’ve been reading a lot of manga lately) and made an offering for forgiveness, and then hunkered down and added a TON of notes and partially written scenes to my scene list. You can see how much that helped; it’s almost like having direction is actually useful, lol.
BUT, despite all that direction and despite punching my goal in the face, breaking it’s glasses, and taking it’s lunch money, the script is not finished!
Here’s some math as of the 23rd:
There are 124 points in my outline On the 23rd, I had completed 44 of those points, at 363 pages or 59,601 words 124 / 44 = 2.81 Now we check: 44 * 2.81 = 123.6 (close enough) So as of the 23rd, the projection for completing the script was: 363 * 2.81 = 1,020 pages 59,601 * 2.81 = 157,479 words
Now, I don’t know what the fuck that means because I don’t really do numbers, but at the time of the 23rd it looked an awful lot like I wasn’t going to finish this Camp project. And uh… hey, that was correct.
So I’m going to be continuing Camp Nano July 2020, but also in August 2020, over about 20 more days (providing I hit my goal every day.)
So:
IF -> I need to get up to 158,000; 158,000 - 86,000 = 72,000 words need to be written. (I'm rounding the total up because I canNOT imagine this script being somehow smaller than that at this point, and I’m rounding my Camp total down because who cares about 72 words?) I divided 72,000 from a few numbers until I got a word goal I was okay with, that I think I can do, here’s that one: 72,000 / 20 days = 3,600 words a day (This would mean I can either do 2k in the morning and then 1600 later, or the reverse. You know, whatever way I feel spicy that day.) THEN -> I need to write 3,600 words a day for 20 days to (hopefully) finish this script before work picks up at the end of August.
And then I’ll chill from the end of August - October (except for maybe some short stories or essays. I have a lot of Thoughts and they need to be purged from my brain for my own good). And then I’ll use Nanowrimo Classic (November) to edit this fucker.
SO… that’s some stuff.
As I said at the beginning this endeavor was only ever going to be a learning experience. Having to write 158k words total doesn’t scare me, the longest thing I’ve written yet was something like 190k words. Trying to finish it before the end of August is the daunting part. Especially since being able to be creative right now just keeps making my brain puke out more ideas, and then there’s too many ideas and I’m just writing them all down and hopefully I can get to them later.
Anyway, good job on Camp Nano July 2020 everyone! We did it!
And if you didn’t do it: don’t worry, you’ll do it next time :D
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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years
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Whoa, me doing a bolding survey?
*lol bolding surveys are tough for me because I want to elaborate on my choices, which I did a lot of in this.*
NFP | mediator/idealist You get carried away by fantasies and ideas Always want to be hugged You’re energized by quiet time alone Constantly looking for the best in people People say you’re shy/calm/reserved So open-minded Can’t stop thinking about the future Probably a writer or artist in some way Compassionate and empathetic Insanely good listener Prefer a small group of friends Absolutely hate injustice Easily get lost in deep thought 9/13
ENFJ | protagonist/mentor Expert at communicating with others You’re sensitive and easily offended A natural born leader You strive for win-win situations Everyone wants to be your friend You’re basically everyone’s cheerleader  Hate seeing people excluded from things You stand firm for what you believe in You just want everyone to be happy Live for supporting people around you You’d be a great teacher You love to keep your life organized You’re probably an empath 6.5/13
ESTJ | executive/supervisor Incredibly practical about life You naturally step into leadership roles You can be very detail-oriented You’re very matter-of-fact You’re known to be very direct The first to take charge in a situation People say you’re very focused and driven Sometimes you can be too impersonal Strive in managerial positions Driven by results You love meeting and talking to new people You strongly believe in working hard You hate people who don’t follow rules. <<< I consider myself to be pretty rule abiding for the most part and I don’t condone crimes, but I can’t say I’ve never done anything wrong. Maybe nothing too serious, but still. I wouldn’t say I hate people who don’t follow rules, but I have an issue with people who don’t follow certain rules. It’s complicated hence the italicized answer and the need to explain a little further. .5/13
ESFP | entertainer/performer You love to live in the moment You’re energized when around people Avoid conflict like the corona virus You never forget anything Can be materialistic <<< I mean, I like my Apple products and Beats headphones, which are nice and expensive things, yes, but I don’t know if the term materialistic applies to me because of it. I think it goes bigger and beyond that. I’m not consumed with buying expensive things to fill a void or think it can buy happiness. I don’t have to be bigger and better. I don’t want to be flashy. I enjoy the items I listed above, but there’s more important things in life than worldly possessions.   You’re constantly changing your mind Way too friendly You could easily be an actor Often the life of the party Not a huge fan of deadlines or structure Independent af Constantly finding the light of a situation Sensitive to the needs of others 3/13
ISFP | adventurer/artisan Tend to hold back your feelings You live an easy-going life  You stick to a close group of friends <<< no friends anymore, but I stick to my family, who I’m close to and spend a lot of my time with. That’s how it was when I did have friends, though. I never had a big group of friends and that was perfectly fine with me. Hate long-term planning <<< I have to take things day by day or do short-term goals. Mistaken as “lazy” or “slow-moving” <<< Italicized because they’re not mistaken. You take things at your own pace So considerate to those around you <<< Italicized because I think I am? I sure try to be. Absolutely hate criticism and conflict Sometimes too hard on yourself <<< All the time. You could be an artist or musician You have a special bond with animals Have been called “unconventional” before Learn best with hands-on training 9/13
INTJ | architect/mastermind Everyone go away Very low tolerance for stupidity Small talk = your worst nightmare Have very dry humor Sarcasm is your first language You love researching everything Planning is your favorite hobby Can’t stand salespeople Known to be very blunt Probably could be a doctor or engineer A grammar nazi You like to silently judge people You love to create theories about life 3/13
ESFJ | consul/caregiver You care so much about others Take your responsibilities very seriously <<< Not these past few years like I should, but normally. You have a contagious laughter Tasks are your best friend You’re very family-oriented The most loyal person ever You absolutely hate feeling useless No one would ever call you selfish Probably strive as a nurse or social worker Overflowing with compassion and love Always seeing the best in others You value security and stability for everyone So down to earth <<< In some ways. I’m not a relaxed and stress-free person at all, but I’m also not arrogant or proud. I get along with and can work well with others. I don’t see myself as better or superior to others at all. 6/13
ISTP | virtuoso/crafter Very comfortable with change Easily find the solution in any problem Always want to know how things work Love to be constantly doing something Handle crisis-situations really well Efficient af in everything you do Stubborn when you know you’re right Hard for others to tell how you’re feeling <<< For the most part. My mom is good at it, though. 100% a hands-on learner Could easily be a mechanic or it the military You’re never afraid to make a mistake You dress for comfort more than style Easily bored and unfocused with tasks 3/13
ENFP | campaigner/champion Spotted constantly laughing So much enthusiasm for life Love to start new projects Constantly have a new hobby to do Hate repetitive tasks so much Expert at brainstorming new ideas Not a fan of micromanagers Very quick to understand people’s concerns So much energy Probably a comedian or counselor You’re never afraid to make a mistake Easily motivate people to join a cause Always looking at the big picture of life 2/13
ISFJ | defender/protector Very sensitive to others’ feelings Love to have a routine to follow every day Drawn to facts more than theories Hate the “unknown” in any situation <<< The unknown is generally scary to me, but some things I don’t want or need to know. Always want to keep others safe and sound Safety first You’re always obeying the laws/rules Known to procrastinate on certain things Easily taken advantage of, unfortunately Strives as a nurse or interior designer So detail-oriented and organized You love following traditions Probably quiet as a child 6.5/13
ESTP | entrepreneur/persuader Always seeking to have a good time Bubbly and happy almost all the time Love being the center of attention Like to live in the “now” Sometimes you can be too impulsive Life always seems to work out for you Expert at adapting the life changes Rules suck Very observant of the people around you Could be an entrepreneur or bartender So detail-oriented and organized People are drawn to your enthusiasm You’re a “get things done” person 0/13
INTP | logical/thinker You’re known to be quiet/thoughtful Can be distracted for hours by one thing Always hated group projects <<< Not because I have a problem with working with others, it’s just that group projects always gave me added stress. I didn’t like my grade dependent on other people and vice versa. I always stressed about everyone getting their part done. You find it hard to trust others Serious introvert Have a child-like sense of wonder Hate structure You never run out of things to talk about Can handle criticism pretty well Would strive as a lawyer or professor Will share educational articles with others Could easily win a debate with anyone Just generally pretty smart 5.5/13
ENTJ | commander/ceo Find the most efficient way to do anything Very goal-focused Can come across very assertive Born to be a leader Work hard and play hard Can motivate anyone to do anything Hate repeated mistakes Feel the need to fix everything Allergic to stupidity Never satisfied with your own work It’s so easy to get what you want Probably excel as a lawyer or ceo The word “impossible” doesn’t exist for you 1/13
INFJ | advocate/counselor Fear doing the wrong thing Genuinely want to please and help others Believe in the complexities of relationship <<< Not sure I understand this correctly, but I think so? Love encouraging others to be better Very likely an empath Could be a photographer or teacher Always avoiding conflict and criticism Feel the need to fix everything Really good at communicating with others Take relationships very seriously Sociable and fun but needs time alone too Loves physical contact with people Always the one to give advice to others <<< I used to be. 6.5/13
ENTP | debater/inventor Constantly coming up with abstract ideas Champion at debates Arrogant but also aware of your own faults The most introverted extrovert Getting really excited about sharing ideas Constantly changing your opinions Low tolerance for people but also social You overanalyze everything Known to take a lot of risks in life Picking accidental fights all the time Have probably argued with authorities So freaking clever Could be a detective or inventor as a career 1/13
ISTJ | logistical/inspector Take constructive criticism like a boss You thrive on organization Incredibly responsible You don’t rest until the job is done Actually really good with money Believe things should be done by the book Strive for structure in your every day life Absolutely hate getting in trouble Probably an officer or accountant Literally the most dependable person Sometimes too logical for people Take time to warm up to new ideas Some call you a perfectionist 3.5/13
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jadedjo · 5 years
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2019 End of Year Fic Review
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I am happy to say that I achieved 3 of my goals from last year. Compete Return to Endor and Crossing A Line and find a beta/alpha/cheerleader: The Fic Whining Circle helped me achieve all of this! I LOVE you guys!
But despite having written more last year than this year I take this year as a more creative journey. With the support and encouragement of people I look up to, I was able to broaden my horizons and stretch my creativity. But this also had its drawbacks. Namely, in the form of the White Rabbit (plot bunnies multiply when other creatives pass theirs on to you unintentionally)
2 White Rabbits that I chased this year were Apocalypse Yavin and the WIP Admiral Luke Au. They were not my ideas. They started as discussions from others that I ran with (with permission). So new goals for 2020 are to leave plot bunnies alone. I have more than enough projects that I do want to finish.
If any come across my path, I shall appreciate them but shall not fall down the rabbit hole. There was a post that came across my dash that said something along the lines of, you need to start x projects to find the 1 that will get done. So, if I need to drabble something to get it out of my head so be it but not let it balloon into the 50k or more that the Admiral Luke Au is turning into.
If anyone sees me chasing the White Rabbit be sure to pull me out of the Matrix STAT.
Goals for 2020:
I’m not sure what I want to accomplish next year. I have WIPs that I need to decide if I’m going to continue or let go of. Many of them I like and would like to finish someday, but they also pressure me with their very presence.
Right now, the Admiral Luke AU is first and foremost in my mind. The basics came out of a what-if discussion about what-if Luke never left military service. While he was a General in Shadows of Mindor we all agreed that a man in Admiral Whites was HAWT so he was switched from General to Admiral Skywalker. Then Mara was added to the mix. Luke would dislike her fringe neutrality and she would think him just another stuck up military leader who was given a position based on his name only. The premise was so she and Luke could have angry sex in his office.
That idea quickly morphed into an elaborate back story with both nu!canon and Legends mixed together to explain the current state of affairs and a re-write of The Thrawn Trilogy to include Hera Syndula, Ezra Bridger, Ahsoka Tano, Thrawn from both TTT and nu!canon, and why Luke is still in the military. But I think I overwhelmed myself with the scope and now have to take this is small chunks so as not to hide in terror of the massive fic it wants to be.
As for the WIPs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ We’ll see.
Some interesting stats for this year:
1.    favorite fic you wrote this year
Apocalypse Yavin
2.    least favorite fic you wrote this year
Drabble: Corellian Checkers (nothing wrong with it, but of my mini fics I like it the least)
3.    favorite line/scene you wrote this year
From Twilight: Time stopped and in the instant between day and night their lips met.
4.    total number of words you wrote this year
For Posted Fics its 35,937
For WIPs its 28,574
Total: 64,511 (last year’s total was 79,028, but I admit I had a 20k sprint last year.)
5.    most popular fic this year
I Get Off (ya’ll love that PWP)
6.    least popular fic this year
Return To Endor
This was a self-indulgent fic for long-forgotten made for TV Star Wars films. I’m not surprised this is the least popular fic
7.    longest completed fic you wrote this year
Apocalypse Yavin (12792)
8.    shortest completed fic you wrote this year
Spin The Bottle (376)
9. favorite character to write about this year
I was going to say Luke Skywalker or Mara Jade but… Cindel was a surprise and interesting to write about so I shall name Cindel Towani as my favorite this year.
10. favorite writing song/artist/album of this year
According to Spotify, it was Blade Runner 2049. Its mellow and easy to have as background music that will drown out other noises without making me want to actively listen to it.
11. a fic you didn’t expect to write
I Get Off
12. fic(s) you completed this year
In reverse posting order:
Apocalypse Yavin Reeling from the revelations that Vader is his father, needing to get used to a malfunctioning new right hand, and having to save his friend from carbonite, Luke is sent on a quest to find a kyber crystal for a new lightsaber. Unfortunately for him, Yavin IV is where he can find one. The moon is now a hellscape from the death throes of the Death Star and he has the eerie feeling that something in the Force is there, in pain, crying out for release.
Return Luke returns to Tatooine. But what kind of welcome will he find there? Owen Lives AU Flash Fic Crossing A Line (Getting To Know You Series) With a new Force bond firmly in place, Luke and Mara must now navigate this unexpected turn in their relationship. How do you go from friends to lovers because the Force wills it? Post-Nirauan story.
Not Just Another Day (Flash Fic) Luke gives Mara a gift on his birthday. 
Comfort (drabble) Han finds Jaina at the end of the Vong War. Prompts:  “War’s End” kiss & “You’re strong, baby. You have to be.” Reveal (drabble) Luke returns home to find Mara in an unusual situation. Prompts: “I do” kiss & “Frost the damn cupcakes.”
Spin The Bottle (drabble) Prompt: Spin the bottle & "Come over here and make me"
Corellian Checkers (drabble) Han hears Leia say something to Wedge Antilles he'd never thought she'd ever say to anyone.Prompts: “We’re playing checkers. If you don’t like it, leave.” & A Hoarse Whisper “Kiss Me”
Twilight (drabble) When Luke and Mara are forced to trek through the wilderness once again they find more than just pretty scenery.Prompts: Staring At The Other’s Lips, Trying Not To Kiss Them, Before Giving In & “You can scream if you want.”
Return To Endor Cindel Towani is alone in the galaxy. She returns to the one place where she felt at home. The forest moon of Endor. She just prays that the one person she most wants to see is still there.
I Get Off “He could have called you ‘Master.’ Like I do sometimes.” Mara's voice was a smoky purr in his ear. Her arms slipped around Luke’s waist from behind. Luke smiled. “I don’t think it would be the same as when you do it.” “It better not be … Skywalker.” Luke jumped as one of her hands gave his stomach a slap. — Destiny’s Way, Chapter 3. by Walter Jon WilliamsJust how does Mara call Luke 'Master'? In the sexiest way possible.
4 Times Mara Noticed Luke's Feet and 1 Time Luke Noticed Mara's Mara never thought of herself as finding feet attractive. Until she spotted the toes of one Luke Skywalker. ~~~ Luke never paid much attention to Mara's feet. But they'd never been encased in shiny black leather before.
Written for the fetish/Trope roulette 
13. fics you’ll continue next year
I assume this means fics posted but not completed this year. Since its technically 0 I’ll say: The next installment of the Getting To Know You Series
14. current number of wips
7 which is too many. I’ll be paring down this year and trying to keep the white rabbit in check.
15. number of comments you haven’t read
ZERO. I LIVE for comments.
16. most memorable comment/review
Anything from the Fic Whining Circle!
17. events you participated in this year
Fetish/Trope Roulette which resulted in 4 Times Mara Noticed Luke's Feet and 1 Time Luke Noticed Mara's and its spin-off I Get Off
18. fics you wanted to write but didn’t
This years Halloween fic was supposed to be a Cyberpunk Halloween fic featuring Shirlee Faughn, Mara Jade, and my OC Starry Ice crew. I never finalized the plot so it got pushed to 2020 in favor of Apocalypse Yavin.
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loptgangandi · 5 years
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so! literally no one asked, but these last 3 weeks have been a hell of a ride let me TELL YOU 
so happy mun-day now you get to hear all about it!! (with pictures, I’m not a monster)
here’s the cliffnotes version: 
december week 1: simultaneously moved back into a place and took classes then moved out of that place while taking classes and planning a 2-day overland trip from sweden to madrid. took said trip. 
december week 2: attended the unfccc climate conference COP25 in madrid, got kicked out for protesting in solidarity with indigenous ppl & kids, got let back into COP the next day & proceeded to go to more panels and also protests. no i did not see greta thunberg but she was there. I did not see harrison ford either. I did shake al gore’s hand tho.
december week 3: week #1 with my mom’s new twin one-eyed cyclops kitties (yes both of them), spent the week frantically writing 2400 words of nonsense that hopefully resolved themselves into two coherent enough papers to snag me a nice grade then took a 36-hour trip up to london to see my sister perform at her bitchin new job.
elaboration under the cut.
Hell Week (or) Why You Sometimes Should Fly to Climate Conferences
So, after the nonsense with The Roommate From Hell (reddit rant here), I moved out of my room at her place and back into the dorms (where I still had a lease through the end of December). That required a fair bit of effort, but I moved things bit by bit over the course of about a week, and it was manageable. 
But I had to be out of the dorms and have the place clean by the time I left for the climate conference, which in itself was a whole lot of coordination. Wednesday the 4th of December was probably among the worst, most frustrating days I have ever had, and I desperately hope I never have to deal with that level of fuck this fuck you fuck me fuck everything for a very, very long time. Somehow -- by some miraculous act of the gods -- I pulled it out, and managed to get my stuff into my friend’s basement, my plants into another friend’s apartment, my bags packed, my room clean as a whistle, my self moved into my hostel, and to every damn class that week. My interrail tickets came the day I planned to leave -- it was a tight fit -- and I managed to book trains and busses from Uppsala to Madrid with half an hour to spare, and get on the first train (Uppsala to Stockholm) in good time.
The next 48 hours went like this:
Stockholm -> Copenhagen (by train): uneventful, but Copenhagen train station on a Friday night is a little dicey, especially when you’re dragging around a 45 lb suitcase and another 15 lbs on your back
Copenhagen -> Hamburg (by overnight FlixBus): Uneventful, and I was sitting by a window with no one sitting next to me, so I was able to doze a bit on the trip. 
Hamburg -> Basel (by high-speed rail): This one I should have booked. The website said that a reservation was recommended, and I understand why. If I’d had a quiet cabin -- or even just a consistent seat for the whole 7-hour journey -- I’d have been able to get a decent night’s sleep. Instead, I kept having to move to give people their reserved seats, and didn’t get more than an hour of uninterrupted sleep.
Basil -> Olten (train): this one was a mistake
Olten -> Brienz (train): where the fuck am I
Brienz -> Lausanne (train): oh right yes that’s the direction I want to go yes good get on that one
Lausanne -> Geneva (train): oh thank fuck, I 100% know where I am and am back on track. Sunglasses & 30 hours without sleep is a Look.
Geneva: Spend 3 hours with my mom, put a week’s worth of clothes into a considerably smaller suitcase, eat dinner. meet mom’s new kittens, Saga and Luna
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Geneva -> Lyon (bus): Get confused about which bus to get on, get told off by the bus driver we were trying to convince to let us on his bus, realized mom had been trying to put me on the wrong bus. Get on the right bus. Go to Lyon with bus driver who speaks no French or English, only Spanish.
Lyon -> Barcelona (night bus): Hell. Just. Absolute Hell Bus. Wanted To Die all night. Assigned to aisle seat just before the very back next to a very, very tall man who was quite polite but had no room for his legs. Behind us were two men, one of whom was loudly chewing gum until he took off his shoes and fell asleep, the other of whom snored like a gd bulldozer. Aisle seat and wailing baby a few rows down meant that my chances of sleeping comfortably were 0. I did manage to doze off a bit, but only because I was so strung out from not sleeping the night before. Eventually made it to Barcelona alive and lent my phone to the very nice lady with the wailing baby (plus like 5 other family members, none of whom had cell service). 
Barcelona -> Madrid (train): Absolutely gorgeous train ride through the Spanish countryside that I really did want to stay awake to enjoy. Managed to do so until we got to an elevation where it was just thick, dense fog and I let myself fall asleep. 
Madrid: I arrived at my hostel groggy, dazed, and in pain from two bad nights in a row. I considered a nap, but also considered that I’d need to wake up early the next morning and would need to fall asleep. Opted to try to set up my COP25 blog instead. Failed due to aforementioned grogginess. Walked to the corner to get some food and tried to pay for it with Swedish kronor, which didn’t work. Apologized, explained to the amused man that it had been a long weekend, paid him in Euros instead. Used the hostel’s dry sauna (!!!!), took a shower, and went to bed. 
COP25 - The Old White Fuckening
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So, listen, I’m not going to go into detail about COP. If you want to read about how much of a tonedeaf clusterfuck the negotiations were (as opposed to the really interesting, inspiring stuff happening in the side sessions), BBC has some good articles. 
If you want to listen to some of the press conferences and plenaries, here they are. I especially recommend the ones by the Women’s Earth and Climate Caucus, Fridays for Future, and as many of the Indigenous Peoples’ statements as you can (most of them are in Spanish and/or Portuguese. Because the COP was supposed to be held in Chile, many of the registered Indigenous participants were from Amazonas because it was supposed to not be far to travel). 
If you want to listen to some of the side events, the webcasts have been recorded here. Click the link, and then click “Join the event.” I again recommend the ones by Indigenous groups (if you can understand them -- we all had translation headphones in the sessions, but I don’t speak Spanish, so I can’t really go back and revisit them). Also, this "feminist attempt at connecting the dots” on “climate crisis, corporate power, and climate finance” and this one session from a Nigerian NGO and the government about One Health and the connection between climate change, disease, and other health risks -- and how badass Nigeria is at tackling them. 
On the subject of tonedeafness, some absolute bullshit went down on Wednesday, December 11th. 
Here is the article on BBC, but it’s a bit incomplete.
Here’s what happened.
COP25 2: The Old White Fuckeninger (Starring Military Police!)
So on Wednesday, December 11th, Greta Thunberg -- environmental wunderkind with truly glorious bitchface -- sat on a panel before a hall full of condescending adults in which she demanded accountability and immediate action from national leaders. 
At the end of her speech, the delegation of Fridays for Future -- Greta’s own youth movement, which has become a global phenomenon -- stormed the stage. Representatives of Fridays for Future admitted that they knew what they were doing was against the rules, and they were ready to face the consequences: having their admission badges taken away (being “debadged”), and not being blacklisted from future UNFCCC events. 
Neither of these things happened. Instead, UNFCCC praised the young activists, and let them keep their badges. 
A few hours later, another activist group in attendance -- not an Indigenous one, a point that was raised by a young Native American man during the Fridays for Future press conference -- staged a sit-in outside the main hall where a large plenary meeting was scheduled. Said meeting was full of gimmicks, including a live call to the International Space Station so an astronaut could talk about the view of climate change from space. 
I was going to attend the plenary. I joined the protest instead. 
Admittedly, the decision was partly made for me by security. After pushing, shoving, and jostling the (mostly adult, heavily Indigenous, mostly PoC, heavily female, heavily Queer) protesters, as well as violently snatching their badges off their lanyards, security started herding them -- as well as anyone in proximity -- out into the open docking area outside the hall. One woman nearby, who hadn’t meant to join the protest and who had just been filming, tried to duck out of the group and got sternly told by a security guard “No. Keep going forward. No turning back.” A similar thing had happened to me -- I hadn’t made up my mind about joining the protest, because I didn’t have all the information -- but security made the decision, and in the end, I’ll always prefer to be with the people facing the police rather than those they’re protecting. 
It was... furious. It was emotional. The leaders of the protest had us form a circle and turn our backs on security and the door. WoC -- many of whom were Indigenous -- led not just standard protest chants, but songs. Renewal songs, fight songs. The common theme was the intersection of environmental justice and femininity, queerness and suffering under colonization, anti-capitalism, anti-exploitation, and a call for colonizers to repay the colonized for all of the loss and damage already caused by climate change (climate reparations). 
Eventually, UNFCCC made a decision. They decided to close the door on us. Security “escorted” us to the docking bay entrance, and the military police took over. Fortunately, none of them started anything. Obviously, none of the protesters did either. We made it back to the venue entrance eventually, but only those with journalist/media badges were allowed back in; the rest of us were not. Even people with Observer badges (like mine) who hadn’t been part of the protest weren’t being allowed in. But some people who were panelists, delegates, etc. came out to stand in solidarity with us. 
Once it became clear that no more joint actions would be taking place, I went home, and waited to see whether the negotiators would be able to talk UNFCCC into letting us back in. 
They did. Can you imagine the headlines? “UNFCCC Kicks Out Protesters, Bars Civil Society Observers From Climate Talks.” 
Talk about going down like a lead balloon.
Which is about what the conference in general did. I was able to go back and get some more stuff out of it... including another big protest, this time led by Fridays for Future and sanctioned. It was so, so good. Many of the people from Wednesdays protest were also there, and while spirits weren’t exactly high, the emotions being expressed were more along the lines of determination and tenacity than fire and fury. Both are valid, and both have their place, and it was nice to have a balance -- especially at the end of the week, when we were all flat-out exhausted. 
The Aftermath
And then I just didn’t stop moving. Saturday and Sunday I spent exploring Madrid and staying out late, Monday I flew back to Geneva from Madrid (because absolutely fuck Spanish busses and also absolutely FUCK FRANCE’s weeks-long general strike that I’m sure was for something very important. I’m sure. Because France never strikes over trivial things). 
Tuesday-Friday was a takehome exam that I swear to god was more labor-intensive than my actual undergrad thesis, and Saturday-Sunday I flew to London to visit my sister at her new job as an actor in Shrek’s Adventure. Mom was supposed to go with me, but she has a slipped disk and sent me up alone. Which was nice -- my sister and I almost never hang out just the two of us. But that’s another thing I’ve been dealing with -- quite a bit of extra Stuff To Do that Mom Can’t Do because Back Hurty and there have been days when she literally could not move. 
But now I am here! I still have work to do, and it’s holidays so there’s Holiday Stuff happening, but I’m hoping to get back to writing here in the next few days. 
And if you’ve read all of this, you’re fucking incredible and I love u and here are some one-eyed black babie kitty gremlins for ur viewing pleasure.
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<-Saga | Luna ->
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They’ve got little bare patches on their tummies because bbies gotta be spayed
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They got this tower two days ago and have learned to share, but the learning curve was steep
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Saga doesn’t like cuddles but she likes pats and being in the vicinity of humans
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Saga says hello
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Pictured: Luna in my arms, Saga in Proximity
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Luna stole my Spot!! >:C
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If Saga steals something and then tells u to answer a riddle to get it back pls let me know. she does that sometimes. it’s very naughty.
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