#THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A TEENAGE GIRL

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

@luci-in-trenchcoats

Hello sweetie! 🤗

I just want to start by saying that I love this concept so much and I haven't found it anywhere before so I am very excited to read it! And the song reference for the title is SO Ben/Soldier Boy! 🥰

Having Soldier Boy for a father wasn’t exactly filling you and the warm and fuzzies.

Amen 👏🏻

I really love how sassy this reader is and that she's not afraid to tell him what she really thinks, especially when she references Homelander and Soldier Boy killing him. It actually is funny to me because the reader is acting like Soldier Boy, probably without her knowledge, and Ben is just stunned that someone has the nerve to give it back to him.

“Who would have thought my teenage daughter had a bigger set of balls than that psycho of a son ever did.” You didn’t move, didn’t dare suck in a breath as he sized you over again. Suddenly he straightened, staring over your head at the wood behind you. “I’m your father whether you like it or not and you’re under my care until you’re 18. You’ll want for nothing.”

Oh goodness I can imagine Ben saying that line about his teenage daughter having more balls than Homelander. It's so good. My only wish is that Homelander can hear it from beyond the grave lol.

“I used to look at my father like that you know.”

Girl, no. This line KILLED ME. Because we all know the kind of relationship Ben had with his dad and all I can think of is that deep down Ben does want her to like him, but he's just hiding it well the way he hides all his other emotions.🤔

“Or you can just man the fuck up and say you’re scared because you’re alone and I’m all you got.” He stared you down, trying to intimidate you but you didn’t miss the way his eyes watered ever so slightly before he was gone around the corner.

Okay... she wrote A PAPER SAYING HE NEEDED THE DEATH PENALTY?! Oh dang their relationship is definitely starting out rocky...

But oh goodness she hit a nerve, and I want them so badly to find some kind of compromise, because Ben really is alone and he wants her in his life, even if he is too "masculine" 🙄 to admit it. Not to mention he probably does have some unresolved things about killing his son. Ben already had daddy issues and now he's gonna have "I killed my own son (and possibly grandson)" issues. 😂

I absolutely LOVED this! I would definitely read more of their dynamic if you wrote about them again. They have really great banter, and I haven't read another fic on here with this premise 🥰

Too Sweet For Me

Summary: Seventeen year old Y/N isn't thrilled when she finds out her father is somehow Soldier Boy and she's now meant to live with him...

Pairing: Soldier Boy x daughter!reader

Word Count: 1,400ish

Warnings: language, minor fight

A/N #1: I noticed I've never done a Soldier Boy x daughter fic and decided to remedy that! This was meant to be a very short fic but it spiraled a bit. Not sure if there's any interest in this going forward but I have ideas for where it could go if I were to continue...

A/N #2: This diverges just a tad from The Boys. For the purposes of this story, imagine that Soldier Boy killed Homelander at the end of S3 and is now running The Seven. The reader is seventeen for this story...

________

You swallowed as the man that was apparently your father strode around the corner. He was tall and broad, the green fabric of his uniform stretched taut over his strong muscular form. All you’d wanted for years was to find him, have your birth dad miraculously come take you out of foster care so you could stop the constant moves, the constant disappointment. 

At seventeen you knew better than to expect some instant connection. Mom hadn’t been shy about the fact he was an anonymous donor, even when you were little and asked who he was. You always figured he didn’t want you but after she died when you were eight, you hoped he’d show up somehow, like something out of Annie and you’d suddenly have a permanent family again.

Having Soldier Boy for a father wasn’t exactly filling you and the warm and fuzzies.

At least it explained the super strength when you hit puberty, a fact you’d kept hidden from everyone. Every foster parent, schoolmate, social services employee. You weren’t about to wind up in Red River and have your life destroyed before it even started.

“I’ll leave you two to get acquainted,” said Andrew, the brand new case worker assigned to you. You didn’t take you eyes off the man before you, green eyes watching you cautiously, as a door to the apartment in Vought tower closed behind you.

Soldier Boy’s gaze wandered lower, taking you in fully. Your fists clenched by your sides. You didn’t care what the news said about how he was the hero that took out Homelander. About how he was a war hero. About how somehow he got your mother pregnant after he supposedly died and that made no sense at all.

All you could think about was the gossip forums you scrolled through last year during your annual supe school project on him. Manipulative. Abuser. Sexist. Violent. Damn near sociopathic with how little he cared for the victims left in his wake. 

Finally his gaze met yours again, his mouth curling up in a smile when you clenched so hard the whites of your knuckles showed through your skin.

“No need to be afraid of me, Y/N,” he said politely, taking a few steps forward but giving you plenty of space. “I know you’re confused and I’ll explain but I am your father. I wouldn’t harm you.”

“Funny. Didn’t you kill your last child six months ago? Homelander? Instilling me with a lot of confidence.” His eyebrows raised, his smile flashing a bit of surprise. “I’m not some delicate flower, old man.”

“Yes, you are,” he said, stepping right in front of you, staring you down as you failed to fight back a thick swallow. He gently wrapped his hand around your wrist, your breath hitching when he gave it a squeeze. “I’ll make you a deal.”

“Put your dick anywhere near me and I’ll rip it off.” His hand shot to your jaw, cradling it and forcing you to keep your head up, staring straight at his angry eyes. 

“You’re sick in the head if you think I’d ever touch you. You’re my child for fucks sake and you will learn to watch your mouth.” You kneed him in the groin, Soldier Boy’s whole body jerking as his hands shot to his midsection, doubled over in pain.

“Don’t you confuse the fact that I’m a good person with weakness,” you spat back. He recovered quickly despite you putting all your force behind the hit. Shit. Just how strong was he? You backed up straight into the apartment door, Soldier Boy crowding in on your space. A tremble ran through your body. He’d killed Homelander and his grandson had disappeared off the face of the planet and they hadn’t even done anything to him.

Soldier Boy leaned down, his face barely more than an inch away from your own, his hands splayed out on either side of your head. You kept his gaze though, something flickering in his green eyes for the briefest of moments.

“Who would have thought my teenage daughter had a bigger set of balls than that psycho of a son ever did.” You didn’t move, didn’t dare suck in a breath as he sized you over again. Suddenly he straightened, staring over your head at the wood behind you. “I’m your father whether you like it or not and you’re under my care until you’re 18. You’ll want for nothing.”

“Nothing but an actual father,” you mumbled, wincing when you realized he had super hearing and stifled at the response. After a long beat, he strode away over to a liquor cart, carelessly pouring a large glass of whiskey for himself. 

“Where’s my room?” you sighed, reaching to pick up your backpack and duffel from the foyer. 

“Second floor, second door on the right,” he said, getting to the duffel before you could take it. He held it out for you, taking a long sip, the only indication that it burned the small hiss of air he let out.

You got one hand on the strap when he didn’t release it, your eyes narrowing.

“I used to look at my father like that you know.”

“Let me make something clear,” you said, yanking the bag away, Soldier Boy allowing you to take it. “I don’t know what this is but I’m not going to fall head over heels for you just because you’re my dad. You have to earn that and if you’re not going to try, then stay out of my way.”

He smirked, leaning back against the bar cart with. “What a big little girl you are with your ultimatums. You think a temper tantrum is how to get what you want?”

“All I want is you to not hurt me and for you to be nice. It’s a low fucking bar and until you can clear it, it’s better if you leave me alone.” 

“You’re too sweet for me,” he said, throwing back the rest of his drink, pouring himself another. “A girl who writes a paper on how awful Soldier Boy is and how if he were a normal citizen would have been thrown in jail isn’t someone I would ever expect would give him a chance.”

You lifted your chin even as your heart rate picked up, Soldier Boy quickly by your side and leaning down to whisper in your ear.

“I’d expect a bit more ruthlessness from the girl that said I deserved the death penalty.” Your gaze fixated on the sleek wooden floors beneath you, his arm brushing yours. “It’s okay to admit you want a daddy, baby girl. I’m not a monster like you think.”

“It’s okay to admit you’re scared of being alone. Why else would you come and get me?” you said, his body tense beside you. You turned your head up, his gaze hard once more. You smiled. “I hit a nerve, old timer?”

“It’s cute that you think I give a shit about you.” You couldn’t hide the flash of pain on your face, his eyes narrowing. “Like I said, you’re too sweet. I can break you with just a few words.”

“Then why find me?” you asked as he shoved the whiskey in your hands and took the bags from them, storming off across the apartment for the stairs. “Why did you take me out of my foster home?”

“Because you’re mine whether I like it or not.” He looked over his shoulder. “And you will not fuck that up. Now drink that, calm the fuck down and get used to it or I’ll make sure you get tossed in Red River without a second thought.”

“Or you can just man the fuck up and say you’re scared because you’re alone and I’m all you got.” He stared you down, trying to intimidate you but you didn’t miss the way his eyes watered ever so slightly before he was gone around the corner.

You sighed, closing your eyes and breathing deeply. Okay, that could have gone worse. Much worse. While you weren’t exactly thrilled about how things had gone, at least you knew one thing. 

Somewhere deep, deep down, that man cared about you, only so he wouldn’t be lonely. You wouldn’t trust that it was anything more than that. Those days were long gone, especially when Soldier Boy of all people was your father. It was far too dangerous to trust whatever act he put on once he decided to start playing nice.

You took a long sip of the whiskey, the fiery liquid burning down your throat, making you cough violently. You swore you heard the asshole laughing all the way from the living room.

_______________

A/N: If you'd like to read more of this story, please let me know in a comment, reblog or ask!

[lillaydee]

Head Over Heels Part 2

Jackson!Joel / Reader

Special Guest Appearance by a Certain FBI Agent who may or may not look a lot like Joel.

You left the loneliness of your home and headed to Jackson with Joel and the teenage girl he was with, hoping your new life would be less lonely. You should've stayed alone.

WARNING:

Non-canon Compliant, Pining, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Joel (The Last of Us), Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Joel Lives (The Last of Us), Protective Joel (The Last of Us), Soft Joel (The Last of Us), Jealousy, Loneliness, Trauma.

MEGA WARNING: Descriptions of Attempted Sexual Assault.

@copperhalfcent @joelalorian @vickie5446 @peelieblue @nandan11

SERIES MASTER LIST

Part 1

---

You watched as Ellie stomped her way into the single bedroom by the kitchen, rather than the very girly one upstairs she had used the last time, slamming the door behind her. Joel looked at you, an unreadable expression on his face. He climbed the stairs to the second floor, stopping in the hallway, opening a door, before walking on, opening another door and closing it behind him. You heard some shuffling and the thud of a backpack being thrown on the floor before a small squeak of a bed followed. By the time you dragged your own feet upstairs, there was no sound to be heard from the room across from the only open door on the second floor landing.

He had taken the master. You guessed this meant this was your room then. The girly bedroom, along with the ensuite that was attached. You closed the door behind you and threw yourself on the dusty bed. The house seemed different now, compared to the first time you stepped in it months before. You remembered wishing you could stay; press the restart button on your life.

But now…

**********

The first couple of weeks on the road was actually okay. Ellie was the definition of a curious child – having grown up in the QZ orphanage and then sheltered behind the walls of the FEDRA school. Every single thing, things that you didn’t even think were odd or out of the ordinary were ‘awesome’ or ‘cool’ to her. You had been worried that things would be awkward, but there was no such thing when Ellie was around. So many questions. So many wonderment. She asked you about your life before the outbreak, asked how old you were, your family, what exactly a secretary did, Bill and Frank, your brothers, if you had a boyfriend, the questions were endless.

Joel drove and drove. Didn’t speak unless Ellie asked him a direct question. You didn’t even know if he listened. He got flustered when Ellie found Bill’s… special magazine, begging her to get rid of it. You smiled to yourself when you saw the magazine, one of the ones that distracted Bill so much during a supply run that the two of you narrowly escaped with your lives intact, way in the early days, when it was just the two of you. You remembered him trying to hide them from you, blubbering that he got them for you when they fell out of his shirt.

Sure Bill, the men on men magazine was for your private entertainment. He looked panicked at your implication. You just rolled your eyes and told him it’s not like you had anyone to snitch to, Bill.

When Ellie fell asleep, he asked what you were smiling about, shocking the living crap out of you that he actually spoke to you, using words that didn’t involve needing to stop to refuel, change drivers or have a bathroom break. When you told him about it, he actually let out a small huff of a laugh, making you startle.

“What?” he asked, “I laugh.”

You shrugged, “All evidence so far to the contrary.”

You couldn’t say for sure, having your head turned towards the views outside your open window, but you thought you saw his head turn and looked at you for a while when you said that. Of course, when you turned, his eyes were dead straight on the road, his face serious again, all traces of that tiny laugh gone.

Meals were basically canned foods and MREs – Bill had found a stash and insisted they be saved for last, should it come to that. Ellie was shocked at how much food a soldier was given for one meal, the three of you basically flat out on your backs after sharing one. Frankly, you were more shocked that none of you got sick from the twenty years old food, but you supposed those years had somehow strengthened your stomach linings with steel.

Every now and again, you saw a different side of Joel, particularly when it came to Ellie. When she fell asleep in her sleeping bag, he would lay a folded blanket under her head, tightening the bag around her to make sure she wasn’t cold. When she went for a bathroom break, he stood guard with his back towards her, standing way too close for the teenager’s liking, humming to himself when she told him to, so he couldn’t hear her do her business. Whenever he thought he heard or saw something, his body automatically shielded hers. Even the way he reacted to her seeing the less than PG pictures in those magazines gave you a glimpse of the Joel before. The single parent Joel. The one with the teenage daughter.

With you, though, he was a different person altogether.

You were cleaning yourself in a stream when you stopped to make camp, using a small towel to cleanse your body without taking anything off. You had gone down as Ellie and Joel were setting up camp, intending to get water for the night. The bubbling and running of rushing waters had muffled the surroundings, overwhelming your senses. You thought, why waste the water you were bringing up to the camp when you could just clean first and bring more water for the two of them to use? You were dipping your head in the water when you heard a scuffle, immediately getting your gun, only to see Joel sliding a knife across a man’s throat, another already dead from what seemed to be a stab wound to the chest, Ellie standing by the trees with a gun in her hands, her back to the both of you, checking for other threats.

He barked at you to get back to the camp with Ellie, grabbing the gun from her, quickly rinsing his knife and parts of his body with water from the stream. He put the fire out, grabbing everything from the camp and practically tossed you and Ellie back into the car and driving off. He didn’t say anything, but you knew he was angry at you. Ellie didn’t say a word, realizing that this was not the time for one of her puns.

You didn’t dare speak. His hands were gripping the steering wheel so strongly you could hear his skin stretch. His jaw was clenched so tight you could hear his teeth grind. His breathing was so heavy, his eyes focused on the darkening road ahead. No one spoke for what felt like hours. You got out of the car when he stopped every hour to refuel, gun at the ready, as he quickly poured gasoline into the truck, very quickly jumping back into the car once he was done.

During the last refuel, Ellie whispered to you through the slightly cracked window, telling you she was hungry. You dug your hand in the bed and got her some of the energy bars you made, handing them to her and shoving a few more in your pocket, taking a bottle of water with you back inside when Joel dumped the fuel can back in the truck bed.

You took an energy bar out of your pocket after a few minutes of driving, peeling the baking paper off the sticky meal and broke it into two pieces, handing one half to him as he drove. He ignored you, pointedly turning his body the other way, driving with only his right hand.

“Joel don’t be stupid. I know you’re mad at me, but you hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. Eat it. You can yell at me later. But eat, Goddamned it, we don’t need you passing out while driving,” you snarked at him, annoyed that he was being so egotistical to prove a point.

His head snapped towards you, his eyes sharp, his nostrils flaring.

“You think I’m mad at you? ‘Mad’ doesn’t begin to explain what I’m feeling Elena! What the fuck were you thinking? You didn’t tell us you were going to the stream. You were so distracted you weren’t watching your surroundings. Those people were not infected, Elena, they were men. Do you have any idea what they could’ve done to you if Ellie hadn’t noticed you were gone?”

“I was getting us some water, Joel, I just wanted to clean up a little bit. Is that so wrong?”

“None of us smell like lavender, in case you haven’t noticed, but is that worth the risk sneaking off without telling us? They could’ve killed you, Elena, worse, they could’ve…” he stopped talking, turning his eyes back on the road, taking a deep, annoyed breath, eyes closing momentarily, a shiver visible on his body as he controlled his anger at you.

“I’m sorry, okay? It won’t happen again. You can leave me at the next camp if you feel I put you two in danger, but please, Joel, eat something.”

He ignored you, but you swore you could see his eyes flashed with something in the darkness at your words. There was a few seconds of complete silence in the car, save for the sounds of the engine as he sped through the night.

A loud, crunching noise broke that silence, both you and Joel jumping a bit at the suddenness of it all.

“Sorry,” Ellie mumbled through crunches. “I’m so hungry.”

You were still holding the half of the energy bar out to him, your other hand feeding your half to yourself.

“Joel don’t be stupid. Eat the fucking food,” Ellie sighed out loud.

You could see Joel’s resolve waver, snatching the bar out of your hand and eating it, his face still dark with anger. You finished your half before breaking the other one in half and handing one part to him, which he took. You passed the water bottle around for the three of you to drink before settling in your seat, telling Joel now he could seethe at you in peace. You won’t bother him again.

You fell asleep sometime later, your sleep only lightly disturbed by what was obviously a dream – one where a soft-faced Joel was caressing your face lightly and wrapping a blanket around your body. You woke up with the car in the bushes, Joel sleeping soundly in the driver’s seat, hugging his jacket close to his body, Ellie in the back seat with a blanket of her own. You placed the blanket you didn’t remember putting on yourself on Joel, before quietly leaving to boil some water for his coffee using one of Bill’s camping stove, a pistol in one hand at all times. You stayed right by your door, not wanting Joel to scream at you again. You filled the thermos for him, before taking a cup for yourself. You made breakfast next, pouring the instant porridge mixtures you and Frank made into the small pot enough for the three of you to eat while driving, dividing the contents into thermal mugs before packing the stove away so you could leave as soon as possible.

The sun was nearly up, and you were bursting for a pee. So you went to the back of the truck to cop a squat, pistol still out just in case. You felt the truck sway, before the door was wrenched open, Joel’s heavy footsteps and breathing followed.

“I’m right here, Joel, don’t come back here, I’m peeing.”

He cleared his throat, and you could hear his feet turn, but he didn’t go back into the car.

“What did we talk about last night? Why didn’t you wake me? It’s not safe, I told you that.”

You pulled your pants back up, Joel standing by the driver’s door, facing away from you. Funny enough, without seeing his face, you could see his grumpy expression, thunder-filled, annoyed at you. Again. You rolled your eyes and went to wake Ellie, telling her to go pee so you could get moving.

Ellie staggered out and went into the bushes next to the car, while you got your gun, going to the bed of the truck to watch out for threats for Ellie, telling him his coffee was in the thermos, and their breakfast was on your seat. He stood there, just staring at you, not that you noticed.

“You should do your business too, we should move soon. I’ll keep watch,” you told him.

He didn’t move until Ellie came back. He kept quiet after that, grumbling to himself when you insisted on driving, but let you drive, he and Ellie quietly eating their breakfast as you drove along.

He whisper-yelled at you when you got into hiding after the whole initial incident at Kansas City happened. You came out of hiding to help when he got overwhelmed trying to defend Ellie alone. He had insisted that you and Ellie go into hiding, but it quickly became clear that he was losing. So you came out to help him, sure that Ellie would be safe where she was. Another guy surprised you, and although you managed to take care of him yourself, Ellie was the one who shot the guy overpowering Joel when your gun got kicked out of your hands. Joel finished the guy himself but was far too angry at you for leaving Ellie alone to talk to you after.

Sure Joel, let yourself get killed, why don’t you? Cause obviously that would’ve been the better choice. The two of you were his responsibility, he argued. He needed the two of you to be safe. And how could he protect the two of you if he was dead, you fired back, to which he just glared at you before huffing an exasperated breath and walking ahead to check on Ellie.

He kept telling Ellie she was too young to see something like that, to do something like that. The two of them went to a corner and whispered among themselves, Joel giving in and letting her have a gun all to herself. He spent the rest of the day ignoring you, and you, him. Ellie went back and forth between the two of you, trying hard to keep both the adults who were supposed to keep her safe from killing each other.

When Henry and Sam joined the three of you, Joel kept with Henry, and Ellie with Sam, and for a while, Joel seemed happy to see Ellie with someone her own age group. You could tell then, he was starting to care a lot for her. As was your lot in life, you stayed behind them, the tagalong, just listening in on their conversations, too used to being pointedly ignored by Joel by this point. Heck, being ignored by him was a hell of a lot better than being yelled at.

Despite everything, the two of you seemed to work well together when the army of infected attacked, you helped make sure Ellie was alright on the ground, being there with her, weaving and fighting through them all, making sure she was alright, Joel protecting her from his spot, shooting the infected you couldn’t see as you fought others off her.

That night, Joel asked Henry and Sam to join the three of you, and Henry happily agreed.

You woke up before them the next morning, going out to scavenge for anything you could find for the road, now that there were more of you to feed. You came running back when you heard gunshots, opening the door to a panicked Joel pointing a gun at you, immediately lowering it when he realized who it was, Henry and Sam dead on the floor. Ellie shook uncontrollably when you held her tight, stammering the events of what happened to you and Joel, who was at a loss for words.

She was quiet for days after that, staying close to the both of you, doing what she was told without any arguments. And all the while, Joel remained quiet with you, only speaking when necessary. He spoke to Ellie, though, telling her about his dreams to have a sheep farm, and her about wanting to be an astronaut.

With you, Ellie was more interested in the books you had read, movies you had watched. You were reading your very tattered copy of the Lord of the Rings, the only book you chose to bring with you from home. Your brother Will used to read it to you growing up, and you waited eagerly for the movies to come out, you told her. Such a shame the outbreak happened before the third movie was released, it would’ve been a great movie, you thought. If only cordyceps were generous enough to delay their plans to take over the world another three months.

You only had the first book with you, choosing to leave the other two back home – they were not exactly travel sized. You would do anything to have them back, though, you told her. They were your favourite books, mainly due to the memories it brought.

You told her about the Chronicles of Narnia, shocked that she had never heard of Aslan. You told her you would look for the books, she simply must read them. 

She slept close to you at night after the incident with Henry and Sam, clutching onto your jacket while at it. You heard her mumble Sam’s name in her sleep a few times, sometimes a Riley, other times Tess. Every now and again, you thought you could see Joel looking at the two of you. When it was your turn to stand watch, you often caught him lying awake with his eyes on you, closing them only when he knew you caught him watching. You wondered if he still thought you were going to harm the teenager, slightly offended at the thought. He had known you for 15 years, and still, he didn’t trust you enough to have his and Ellie’s back. You chose to ignore him, not wanting to worry Ellie about it with more bickering.

You looked at his sleeping form one more time, and of course, his eyes were opened and on you, his lips twitching and you could just see him take a deep breath before settling his head further into his backpack, closing his eyes again.

**********

When you got to Jackson that first time, Tommy greeted you enthusiastically, finally meeting you after hearing about you from Tess all this while. He had never visited, Bill was far too weary to have two men visit – he wasn’t even happy Joel was privy to the place at all, even after 15 years. Maria took you to the house across the street from theirs, showing you around. Three bedrooms on the second floor – two with bathrooms attached, one bathroom at the end of the corridor. It was obvious the owners had a girl, the bedroom painfully girly. One single bedroom was on the first floor, a bathroom right next to it. There was a garage, a nice-sized garden too. Whoever lived here had money.

While she had you alone, she kept asking you if Joel was making you stay with him, if he was coercing you somehow, if you were being held against your will. She seemed to have a certain… opinion of him, telling you of the stories she’d heard from Tommy about her brother-in-law. She tried to ‘get you to see reason’, but you told her she was lucky if she hadn’t had to do what they had to do to survive, and if she was thankful to have found Tommy, maybe she shouldn’t judge the man responsible for him being alive. He travelled all this way to find Tommy, convinced that he needed rescuing. And while you were glad that he didn’t, you had no doubt that Joel would’ve done anything, including giving up his own life to keep Tommy safe.

She seemed to back down after that, staring at you a while, deciding whether or not she liked you. You didn’t know if she did, but she seemed to let her judgment of Joel go while she was with you. She told you where you could find Joel, the town bar, called the Tipsy Bison, taking you to the back door. You needed to ask him the plan for the next day. You were about to go in when you heard Tommy say your name.

“So, that’s Elena, huh?”

You didn’t hear Joel answer, but whatever he did seemed to confirm it with Tommy.

“I see what Tess meant. She’s real pretty. Are you two… uh…”

“Don’t be stupid Tommy. What would I do with someone like her?”

“Hey… I was just asking…”

“Well don’t.”

You turned around and left as quietly as you could.

God. Even with the way he ignored you throughout the journey here, barked at you when you didn’t do things to his liking, drew a much deeper breath than he needed to when he got impatient with you, you couldn’t deny – you were still crushing hard on him. You even wondered, after the few instances that he let out what passed as a laugh with you, if he would ever feel the same way for you one day.

Well… there you go. You didn’t have to wonder anymore. You had your answer. You heard him, loud and clear. The idea of him being with you was a stupid one. You heard him say so yourself.

Right. Of course it was.

You couldn’t help but laugh at yourself a little at your own stupidity. Get your head out of your ass, Elena. The man closed his heart when his daughter died, and now, his partner of more than 15 years died. What were the odds that he would ever look at you as anything other than Bill and Frank’s neighbour?

You were here because he didn’t want the responsibility of leaving you alone to die. And he needed a woman to help out with Ellie. That’s all.

And now, you had arrived at this place. Maybe you could come back here once the whole thing with Ellie was done. Start over. Make friends. Get a job. Live out your life. Have a purpose again.

You went back to the house, running into a freshly showered and dressed Ellie who was going to Maria’s. You were bone tired, so you decided you were going to take a nice, hot shower and rest. Power up for tomorrow. You went into the master bedroom. Maria had left you some clothes to change into. She must’ve had the same idea as Tommy, seeing as she left the clothes for him next to yours on the bed. Your heart ached a little at the insinuation, given what you just heard, but hey, you repressed this for 15 years, you could do that a little longer; until you got over this stupid feeling you had.

As much as you had decided to try and get your crush on Joel over and done with, you couldn’t help but weep a little in the shower. 15 years you had a crush on this man. 15 years you cried every time he left, knowing that he would never want you. He had Tess, who was nothing short of wonderful. And he didn’t even acknowledge her as his girlfriend. Bill told you he referred to her as his. That’s all. His. The word girlfriend didn’t even make it out of his lips. 15 years he ignored you, so why the fuck would that change now? You must be some kind of stupid for still crushing on him.

Enough. Stop. Delete. Restart. Reset.

You wrapped the towel around your chest and stepped out into the room, only to find Joel standing next to the bed, staring down at the clothes Maria left for him. He stared at you for a second, before seemingly realizing it was you standing there in a towel, quickly turning around, grabbing the clothes and leaving, muttering a gruff apology as he did so, going into the bathroom in the corridor instead, slamming its door behind him. You rushed over to shut the bedroom door, shaking your head to get the stupid fantasy you used to have about him out of your head. The fantasy that he would tear the towel off your body and ravage you. Now that you knew what he really thought of you, you needed to grow the fuck up and get that out of your stupid, vapid brain.

You got dressed and threw yourself on the bed, closing your eyes, willing the tears not to fall again. Enough, Elena, enough.

But your mind betrayed you. Your nap was filled with dreams of you, Ellie and Joel living in this house, him sharing the bed with you. A family. A real one. With neighbours and everything. You woke up in the dark, disappointed in yourself. It’s okay, you coaxed your heart. 15 years was a long time. It’ll take some time, but you will get over him. You just needed some time.

You’ll finish your mission, then come back, restart.

And you will get over this stupid crush on Joel Miller, the man who thought the idea of you and him ever being together was stupid.

**********

That night, as you were repacking your pack, you heard Joel and Ellie yell at each other from the room across from yours. Apparently, he had asked Tommy to take her to the Fireflies instead, insisting that he would do a better job. Ellie had protested, understandably. She didn’t know Tommy from Adam.

And then, you heard her mention Sarah.

Shit.

Joel stormed out after that, slamming the door across from yours. You heard Ellie sob. You waited a while before going to her, holding her close as she cried her heart out, telling her that he was just going through some stuff. He will see sense. Let’s wait until tomorrow, okay?

“Are you going to leave me too?” she asked, not looking at you.

“Never.”

The next morning, Tommy came to get Ellie. You stepped out too, telling him he’s not taking her alone. He nodded, leading the way to the stable. Once there, Joel was waiting, telling Ellie he was giving her a choice. Ellie didn’t hesitate, immediately dumping the bag of supplies into his arms, going to the horse he was about to steal.

As you were saddling the mare Tommy had lent to you, Joel came over, cleared his throat and gruffly asked if you knew how to ride. You grew up in the suburbs, you told him. You took horse riding lessons. It’s been a while, but you knew what you were doing. You promised Ellie you wouldn’t leave her, so you won’t. If he’s worried you’ll slow them down, feel free to leave you by the roadside, you won’t hold it against him, you said, pulling on your horse’s rein and walking out, leaving him standing there alone before he could say anything back.

You remained quiet with Joel throughout your journey, just standing by looking out for threats whenever you stopped. Ellie seemed to have forgiven him rather quickly, laughing and joking with him as he taught her how to shoot. The journey was not as long, being on horseback, and those two merrily chit chatted throughout. Once you got to the university, though, all chatter stopped.

For a place that was supposedly a port for the Fireflies, it was quiet. Far too quiet. Eerily so, despite the monkeys that roamed. And of course, upon finding the information you needed, your luck ran out.

You will never forget the way your head went cold when you saw the piece of broken bat in his torso. You wanted to yell at him to leave it in, but it was as if all the clamping up you were so used to practicing around him overpowered you. You watched helplessly as he pulled it out, blood gushing from the wound. You helped him up onto his horse with Ellie, and told her to ride, turning around to shoot as many as the men that came running after you, cursing yourself when two managed to escape.

When you turned around again, Ellie and Joel were way ahead of you, Ellie screaming for you to come along. You caught up to them, riding hard until the horses were sweating before slowing down when you came to some housing area. You let Ellie and Joel ride in front of you, looking around, gun at the ready, just in case anyone or anything jumped out at the three of you. As you were looking behind you, you heard a loud thud, turning around to see Joel on the ground, his face ashen.

You needed to get him out of there. You told a teary Ellie to get her gun out, going into the nearest house, finding an old mattress, dragging it out as fast as you could, Ellie coming to help you as soon as she saw you. The two of you rolled him onto the mattress, tying it to his horse before slowly riding into the most discreet house you could find, practically dragging his body down into the basement before going back to cover your tracks before bringing the horses in and closing the garage door. You went back into the house to Ellie scrambling around, looking for something to help Joel out with, tearily telling you he told her to leave him there and go back to Jackson. She found a spool of thread, a needle stuck to it.

You told her to calm down and follow you back down to the basement. You took out the small first aid kit you had with you, courtesy of your neighbour Bill. You cleaned his wound as best as you could with what little you had before wiping the needle with an alcohol swab, stitching him up as best as you could as he silently screamed from the pain, holding on to Ellie’s jacket for dear life. This won’t help much, you thought. He needed antibiotics. You didn’t have any. But this’ll have to do for now. You will go out and find some once he’s settled. Please be a skin wound. Please don’t bleed internally. Please don’t die, Joel. Please don’t die.

After stitching him up, you were relieved to find that he was no longer bleeding. He needed rest. You were not worried about hydration, there was plenty of snow on the ground. You needed to hunt. The rations won’t be enough if he had to recuperate and survive. He needed the calories to heal. Think, Elena, think.

You couldn’t sleep that night, or the night after that, or the night after that, watching him like a hawk, Ellie sharing the mattress with him to keep themselves warm. Every now and again, he opened his eyes, watching you as you sat right next to him, worry written all over your face. It was never for long, though. His eyes would close again as soon as you noticed he was awake.

Hmph, even in this condition, he didn’t trust you enough to have his and Ellie’s backs to properly rest.

The next day, you told Ellie to watch him as you went around scavenging the nearby houses for medicine. It was all in vain, and you knew it as soon as you walked into each and every one of them. You had done enough scavenging to know the potentials a new location held. Food and medicine were always the first to go. Clothing and blankets next. Especially in areas as cold as this. You did gun down a rabbit, boiling it in a house a few streets over to avoid detection before bringing the meat back to Ellie and Joel.

The third morning you were there, his temperature skyrocketed. His wound, as you feared, was infected. You told Ellie he needed penicillin. Antibiotics. You were trying to remain calm, but the lack of sleep and the avalanche of worry was getting to you. Joel was a constant in your life after the outbreak, despite his indifference to you. You couldn’t let him die. Not like this. You wet some rags with snow and placed them on his head, trying to get his temperature down. You gave him some 20 year-old Tylenol from your kit, hoping they would help, but with the infection still raging, all they did was reduce his temperature for an hour or so, before he was shivering again. At one point, he shivered so badly, groaning and whimpering in pain, you laid next to him and covered part of his body with your own, hoping to stop his shivering at the very least, not daring to start a fire to keep him warm in case it alerted others to your location.

With how tired you were, you fell asleep, your head on his chest, your arms wrapped around his torso, desperately trying to keep him warm. You dreamt that he woke up and wrapped his arms around you, caressing your hair as he did so. You woke up almost instantly after that, Joel still asleep. It’s strange, you thought. Your body felt the remnants of his dream hug and caresses. Wow, you must’ve been really tired if a dream seemed that real to you.

You didn’t hunt the day before, snowfall too heavy for you to go out. Your rations were gone, both you and Ellie surrendering your portions to Joel, hoping that they would help him fight the infection. You turned to pick up your gun, wanting to go hunting.

But your gun was gone.

So was Ellie.

Shit. Fuck. Fuck! FUCK!

You couldn’t leave Joel alone. How long had she been gone? How long were you asleep? Which way did she go? You went outside, realizing that she had taken one of the horses. You followed the hoof prints to what was the main road, seeing how far she had gone, knowing you couldn’t possibly catch up to her in time, not without leaving Joel in a vulnerable state.

So you went back inside, worry clouding your head, and waited.

And waited, and waited, and waited.

You wanted to scream at her when she came back, but she excitedly told you she got the penicillin, handing them to you, dropping the leg of deer she was carrying. All you could see was the antibiotic, giving Joel the shot he needed, telling Ellie with a stern voice to stay with him, to never disappear on you like that again. She reasoned that you were too tired to go out, so she did it for you. You were asleep, and you needed rest too. Let her do what she could.

All you wanted to do was knock some sense into her, what if she was followed? What if she was attacked? What if she was taken? Killed? A slew of horrible imageries invaded your mind, before abruptly stopping, looking her in the eyes.

Where did she get the penicillin?

She was silent for a beat, but ultimately told you about the guys she ran into after killing the deer, the ones who were looking for what could only be described as the three of you. You wanted to knock her head into the wall, but she told you it was snowing again, and the hoof prints would be covered. She went a ways away, she said, you should be okay for a few more days.

In truth, you were devastated. You had let two of the men escape. They alerted their camp, and now, the men were looking for the three of you. And Ellie just led them back here.

It’s not like you could do anything. Joel was weakened. You now have food, and Joel received his first dose of penicillin. Make the best out of a horrible situation. You sliced the deer meat into thin slices, taking some a few houses over and roasted them before stripping them down into threads to make it easier for Joel to eat.

After a few more dosages, Joel’s fever receded. The wound was drying. Not fully, but enough to give you and Ellie hope. The whole time, you were uneasy. You knew those men would track her down. You knew they were coming. You kept telling yourself to think on the brighter side, but you couldn’t.

You were a few houses over, boiling some of the meat when you heard hooves. You put the fire out and ran back, only to see only to see one of the horses gone again.

Ellie! You wanted to yell but saw someone sneaking over. You ran inside, waking Joel up, dragging him into hiding. Ellie, he whispered, she had gone to divert the men, he told you, showing you the knife she had given him. Let’s get you hidden first and I’ll go find Ellie, you told him, guiding him behind one of the nooks in the basement.

There was a flash of something in his eyes, but you had no time to decipher anything. The man you saw was slowly making his way downstairs. You put yourself in front of Joel, your own knife out, hoping to God this man was really as malnourished as he looked, and that you had the chance to overpower him, even if it was only to stab him. You knew it was a vain effort, but you needed Joel to be okay. He could protect Ellie better than you ever could. So if you could weaken this man before Joel could come in to help, it would be better for him.

You stabbed the man in the kidney when he walked past, pulling the knife out to stab him again, but he had turned and came at you, snarling. You managed to stab him one more time in the stomach before he swungthe butt of his rifle to your head, and then all was dark.

**********

When you woke up, your head was throbbing. You were still in the basement, only you were on the mattress Joel was lying on the past few days, a blanket wrapped around your body. No one else was there. Not Joel, not even the man. Certainly not Ellie. You sat up, disoriented for a bit, slowly getting up to a standing position. Your gun was next to you, so was the knife you used. Your pack under your head. You gathered everything, slowly walking up the stairs, trying to get your bearings. There was no one in the house, and when you went out to the garage, none of the horses were there. It was hours after you blacked out, you realized. It was nearly dark, and it was morning when you went to boil the meat.

There was something sticky on your face. You swiped your hand on it, realizing you had blood all over. You went to the nearest car, swiped the snow and dirt off the side view mirror and looked. There were bloody handprints on both sides of your face, and a massive bruise on your forehead. Right. The guy had hit you on the head with a gun. Whose bloody handprints were those? And why weren’t you dead? Where’re Joel and Ellie?

You sat on the snowy ground, taking some snow and cleaning your face off the blood, icing that bump on your forehead, gathering your thoughts. Once you calmed down, you noticed a massive lump of clothing by the garage. It was the man. Dead.

It was then you realized what happened.

Joel went after Ellie.

He had left you behind. Injured and alone.

---

Part 3

[yshzai07]

-> part 2

By some fault of your own, you hadn’t been home recently.

Lots had just… happened. School had been way more stressful than anticipated, and home had become just out of your reach, pushed further and further by looming deadlines and the never-ending tutoring sessions you’d taught for a little extra cash. No weekend had been freed from the shackles of your irritating schedule. Not to mention, you hadn’t exactly been… welcome.

But school was over, and you’d been summoned back home by the imposing, strict woman in the hospital bed beside you.

“Tuberculosis?” You sounded out the illness named by the smiley doctor with the clipboard, glancing down at your scowly mother. “That’s, ah, kinda bad-sounding.”

“We can start treatment asap,” the doctor said, flipping a page. “Your mother will be fine, but she’ll be in the hospital for quite a while.”

“Oh. Okay,” you scratched your neck awkwardly. “Let’s do the treatment then.”

Your mother squawked in disapproval, while the smiley doctor nodded and stepped back.

“Alright then. I’ll get that paperwork arranged for you, then,” the doctor drew back the curtain. “Have a good day.”

“You too.”

The silence stretched thin, and you cleared your throat.

“Stupid doctors… hospital for months… what idiots…” the ominous grumbles from your mother reached your ears, and you sighed.

“Ma, tuberculosis is serious. You can’t just go home and brush it off, yknow?”

“Of course I know that. I’m not a fool, y/n,” your mother glares. “I just have actual responsibilities in my life, and I’ve a right to be concerned about them.”

“I’ll take care of the boarding house, Ma.”

“Like hell you will,” she sniffs. “You could hardly wait to get out of here once your precious school started. You don’t even want to take care of the house!”

“Yeah, well, you’ve got no other option, have you?”

Silence. Again.

You sighed, for the millionth time that day. Your mother evidently hadn’t changed in the years you’d been gone. Not that that was unexpected.

“I’ll take care of everything,” you muttered, shoving your hands into your pockets. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

Without waiting for a reply, you turned on your heel, leaving and drawing the curtain behind you. You were no stranger to hospitals, but you were certainly a stranger to seeing your once-formidable mother laying there, vulnerable. Shivering, you shoved the thought away.

Instead, your mind focused on the boarding house. Having inherited it from her in-laws, your mother had run the place like a sergeant, raising you and the house simultaneously. You’d grown up with your mother’s priorities clear; it was the boarding house first, and you second.

You wanted to leave.

You didn’t want to stay, for God knows how long, running the house you’d practically leaped to get away from. Or maybe it was your mother you'd ran from. Internally, you cursed yourself for answering the phone. It was a terrible habit of yours, giving in so easily.

By the time you got home, the sun was setting. There were no guests, but you were greeted by the few other people in the house, two older girls who were employed by your mother, Mei and Yua. They helped with the household duties, and had been around since you were an unruly teenager.

Yua smiled at you welcomingly, her brown eyes warm. “Is she alright?” she asked worriedly, her hands clasped. Mei stood silent behind her.

“Uh, yeah. The doctor said she should have a full recovery,” you nodded. “She’ll be in hospital for a while, though.”

Yua shakes her head. “Oh dear,” she whispered. “Don’t worry. We’ll help you out with the house, of course-“

“You are staying, right?”

Mei’s voice was sharp, cutting Yua off. With her eyes narrowed on you, you couldn’t help but shift on your feet.

“I am,” you said flatly.

“Good,” Mei sniffs. “You do seem to have a history of leaving.”

The silence stretched thin as you took in the low blow. Evidently, she didn't like you.

“If that’s all, I’ll see you both tomorrow,” you meet her gaze. The distaste was mutual.

The sun had set, long ago, yet sleep evaded you. Thoughts ran through your mind endlessly, crashing up against each other like waves. Having given up on trying to sleep, you'd resorted to sitting in the communal dining area, staring down at your phone. As expected, your messages to your mother went unanswered.

Before you could lose yourself in your mind, sharp raps sounded at the door, startling you back to the present. Hesitantly, you rose from your seat, padding to peer out of the front window. It was late into the night, the moon high and bright. Usually nobody came knocking at this time of night.

"Hello?" His quiet voice pierced the silence, momentarily freezing you in place. He sounded tired.

Fumbling with the locks, you swung open the door, coming face-to-face with the stranger.

He blinked.

You blinked.

"Can I help you?" You say, eyes narrowed up at him. His gaze never faltered, his grayish-yellow eyes focused on your face. It made you feel uncomfortable.

"You're not the owner," he muttered out, his voice low and raspy. "Who are you?"

"Does it matter?" You retorted. "Do you need a room?"

"No, I'm just here at a boarding house for kicks," he deadpans. "Is there any space available?"

You stared.

He stared.

You should never turn away a guest, y/n, your mother’s voice echoed in your mind. It's bad practice.

You leaned against the wall in the dining room as the man ate. You didn't turn him away. No, you offered him a room. Then food. After all, you were taught to be nothing but hospitable.

"The previous owner never stared at me whilst I was eating," you ignored his piercing gaze on the side of your face.

"I'm not looking at you," you muttered.

"Liar."

You slid your gaze over to him, before turning away, towards the kitchen.

"Stay."

You paused, tilting your head. Nothing but hospitable, you reminded yourself. Sitting down opposite him, you observed the man who's name you'd taken down as Suna Rintarou.

Suna Rintarou had sharp eyes, high, defined cheekbones and hair that was dark brown and stuck out in tufts. Eerily, he was akin to that of a fox, causing an uncomfortable sensation to ripple down your spine. Suna Rintarou wore dress trousers, and a creased white button-up that was rolled up to his elbows. His jacket was hung on his chair behind him, and his knuckles were bloody.

"You do have a staring problem," a slight smirk played on his lips. Suna Rintarou apparently was also an asshole.

"Sorry," you diverted your eyes. Nothing but hospitable.

"No, you're not," he said casually. "But I'll take the apology."

"How kind of you," you grit out.

"It's one of my many gifts," he grinned to himself into his bowl. Definitely an asshole. "So, who are you?"

You blinked "Huh?"

"Who. Are. You?"

"Y/n. L/n."

He tilted his head. "L/n? So you knew the previous owner?"

"She's not dead," you said defensively. "She's my mother."

"I didn't know Ms.L/n had a daughter."

"Now you do." Was he seriously not done with his food? You wanted to go to bed now.

You could feel his gaze on you again, as you intently studied the grooves of the table. For some reason, meeting his eyes made you feel odd.

"Got no questions for me?" Suna sounded bored.

"Why should I?"

"Am I not interesting enough for you, Y/n?" Your name coming from his lips felt familiar, almost as if you'd known each other beforehand; impossible, of course.

"I already know your name," you answered after a beat.

"Ask me a question," his gaze intensified, his grip tightening on his chopsticks. You glanced at his bloody knuckles and swallowed.

"Why are you here so late?" You blurted out.

Silence. He tilted his head. "I needed a place to stay."

No shit. You nodded. "Okay."

Abruptly, he set down his chopsticks, flexing his fingers. "I'm done. Show me to my room, please." Not an ounce of politeness in that statement, but you complied nonetheless. Nothing but hospitable.

His room was at the top of the house. Something in your gut had told you to distance yourself from him, setting him as far away as possible. It felt like he was breathing right down your neck as you climbed up, and up, and up.

"Here's your room." you said, your voice barely more than a whisper.

"Thank you, Y/n." He slipped past you, hand pausing on the doorknob. "How long are you staying here for?"

You swallowed. Telling this seemingly-dangerous man how long you'd stay in one place for? Stupid idea.

"The foreseeable future," you divulged. Idiot.

Unable to see his face, you were unaware of the smirk forming.

"Interesting."

No response was needed from you, as he slipped into the room before you could open your mouth, leaving you unsettled and nervous.

Who was Suna Rintarou?

[deansapplepie]

Use me as you Wish

Summary: Catherine Greene’s life was upside down and Daryl’s hopes were shattered in a million pieces. They found some solace in each other that night.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Catherine Greene (OC)

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: mentions about death, mentions of putting people down, mentions of sickness, smut, sex, unprotected p in v, cum eating (?), vulnerability, Cath is 30 yo. Slightly proof read, so may contain mistakes. Minors do not interact, 18+.

A/N: there’s been years I don’t write and OC and I don’t write in first person, so I’m somehow excited about it and anxious too. I wanted to create an OC again and I had this wish of writing a Greene character different from the ones I usually see on the stories and how I actually think would be a Hershel daughter in a relationship with Daryl and also how I think Hershel would have reacted. No Hershel here, but here is my Greene OC on this first piece of story. Also, nothing against other Greene readers or OCs I saw around, I just wanted to do mine.

I didn’t want this first story to be smut, but it looks like everything I touch becomes smut. 😅

I never believed the dead people walking around were actually sick, I saw sick people before. I saw my stepmom and step brother getting sick and eventually dying. Those were not them anymore but they looked like them and because of that I didn’t do anything when my dad locked them in the old barn. What could I do? We had no information about anything anymore so I just trusted whatever my father believe, who could be wiser than him at the moment? Later I learned the dead people should be put ‘dead’ again, but I would never have it in me to do that to ‘them’. I also didn’t do anything as he continued to lock neighbors and other ones that were found wandering around the farm. I couldn’t kill a chicken, would I ever be able to kill one of those creatures? I didn’t know how to shoot, I also didn’t know how to stab. Once, my dad tried to teach me how to kill a pig, I missed the heart and just put the poor thing into more suffering.

All that being said, the mixed feelings I had, when the group that came from Atlanta opened the barn and shoot one after the other, the neighbors and my family, could be easily explained. Well, some people could understand that at the same time I felt relieved they were put to rest and we didn’t had to worry with the danger, I also felt sorrow because if there was any hope they could be cured or brought back, it didn’t exist anymore.

After that so many things happened and I didn’t know exactly how but I remember one minute I was in the kitchen and the next I was standing in the middle of his camp a recipient with dinner in my hand, offering peace, maybe? Since they arrived I couldn’t take my eyes from him and he would haunt my thoughts night and day, like a teenage girl with a crush, but the thing was… I was far from this.

The curiosity brought me closer to him, or as close as he would allow me. I tried to help as much as I could about the girl they were looking for, I brought to them the things my dad allowed us to share with them, I helped taking care of him when he got injured. So we would talk, he was witty, sassy and grumpy. He was masculine, rustic and handsome. I was bewitched by him, and he didn’t even know he could do this.

“Watcha doing here?” I was startled by his voice, lost in my thoughts in the middle of his camp which he had changed for a place farther than everyone’s.

“I brought you dinner, you didn’t join us.” I answered calmly although I sensed the bitter tone in his voice.

“What? Did ya expect me to join you after all that happened and play house?” He towered me, the moonlight iluminated his skin… he was so handsome, but also could be intimidating. I constantly felt intimidated, but there was just something to him that kept me going on.

“I… I never expected it, Daryl. Never wanted you to act as if nothing happened. I know how much effort you put on it.”

“Yeah… why did ya hid the fact the girl was there all that time? Why didn’t ya say anything about the barn?” By that time he knew none of us knew Sophia was there, but I got it. He was upset. He was upset with me, I never said anything about the barn. That was something I knew. Something I could have shared.

“I was scared, ok? My dad said to not tell a thing! Do you think I ever felt comfortable having them so close?” My voice tone got higher for the first time.

“Didn’t seem uncomfortable ta me.” His eyes burned into mine, eyes so gentle before seamed able to make a hole into my soul at any moment.

“I was! It was so difficult knowing my stepmother and stepbrother were there. I couldn’t do anything for them.” I still remembered the day we locked them there.

“Could’ve put an end on this for them.” It’s so easy to say it when you’re Daryl Dixon.

“Could I? You saw how I shoot, you saw how I hold a knife all kind of wrongs! Do you think I could have done that and survived?” Our chests were pretty much against each other and how we got this close is still a mystery to me.

I could listen to his breath, loud and raged. I felt his chest every time he breathed. His warm breath fanned over my face and his blue eyes that bored into my brown ones had something that I couldn’t read this time. Was it understanding? Defiance? There was something else in it. “Cath…” The nickname rolled easy from his tongue it was the first time he didn’t called me Catherine or any other silly nickname he decided to use.

“Yes?” I answered breathlessly, the air had been stolen from my lungs, my eyes glued to his face, descended to his lips, the same lips I had seen my name rolling from.

My lips were parted as if they seek for air, his eyes descended to them and in the next moment I understood that when my nickname left his lips, that was an alert, a warning. I wouldn’t listen to it anyways. His lips crashed against mine, fervent, urgent, a surprise I was willing to reciprocate. All those days feeling bothered, flustered… the attraction I felt for him finally having the upper hand.

When I hit my back against a tree, I noticed we had walked and now his body pressed me to it. The recipient with his food? I had no idea where I lost it. One of his hands laid on my waist while the other grabbed my thigh lifting my leg and pressing our centers together.

“Tell me ta stop… tell me…” His lips hovered mine, so close but stopping the kiss completely.

“Daryl… use me.” The words I never expected saying left my lips. “Do everything you want, use me as you wish…” I murmured feverishly, I would be lying if I said he was the only one that was going to use someone. I was also using him, at that moment I just wanted to forget. Forget everything that happened earlier, forget my dad had disappeared, forget the state Beth was in the moment and to begin with… forget how angry he was at me when that conversation began.

He crashed his lips against mine again, my back pressioned against the tree. My legs locked around his waist and his fingers burried in the flash of my thighs, his hands were warn against my skin my dress skirt rising up. I put my arms around his neck and my finger locked around his short hair.

We stopped the kiss, gasping for air, but not for too long. He walked with me on his arms taking me to his tent and laying on the cot, not very delicately I must say, but at that moment I didn’t mind. I needed him. Fast. Raw. Primal.

I kicked my boots the faster I could. He took off my dress urgently, his eyes popping when he noticed I didn’t wear a bra. I sensed he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. He immediately mouthed one of my breasts, nibbling it and swirling his tongue around the erected nipple, I caressed the back of his head pressing his face more against me. “Oh, Daryl…” I moaned, as he bit my skin harshly. That would definitely leave a mark, thankfully a hidden one. He changed his attention to the other one, it was delicious.

When I said he could use me, I thought he would do it, think only about him, but here he was making me feel so good. Maybe, he needed this and I had told him to use me as he wished, hadn’t I?

I heard the noise of his belt being unbuckled and excitement rushed through me. His mouth left my skin and before I had the chance of doing anything, or taking a peak at his hard cock, he got me in a sitting position. He was on his knees, sitting on his legs, and me? Well, he lifted me to sit on him, his hand descended to my clothed pussy, the anticipation consuming me… He put my panties aside and positioned his cock with my entrance going all the way in in just one swift movement. A loud cry left my lips while he groaned, almost painfully.

“Ya okay?” He asked, talking for the first time since we started.

“Yeah, just keep going. I need this, we need this.” I was so full all at once that it felt a little overwhelming but that’s how it was supposed to be. That’s what I wanted to feel.

He helped moving me up and down on him, he trusting his hips against mine. My lips encountered his one more time, I could never get enough of it. Our kiss muffled his groans and my moans, his hand grabbed firmly on my waist and thigh, his fingers imprinting on my soul.

His mouth descended to my jaw, my neck and went back to my breasts where he got back to his earlier work. Definitely a tits man, or maybe just a man that knew how to appreciate a women’s body because the way he grabbed my thighs and ass… I continued pressing his face against my skin, my hand on his nape locked on his short hair while our hips moved frantically against each other making the most sinful sounds.

I was close, that coil was building in my lower stomach and my walls contracted around him. “Daryl… I’m close…” I felt it could be at any moment.

“Come on, kitten. Let it go… cum fer me.” He said by my ear when he raised his face.

I crumbled in one big electrifying wave, my hips moving aimlessly, my head thrown back as my body convulsed against his. His voice muffled by my excited brain that couldn’t focus on anything but pleasure. His cock twitched inside me and that moment as a device I clicked back to reality as he lifted my body and hot spurts of his spending painted our torsos. That was probably the hottest thing I ever saw.

When he seamed that be back at his senses, he looked at my body taking in the mess we had done, and as ‘mess’ it could have many different interpretations. What was he thinking about? It was so difficult to know, till he moved and his hand made it’s way up my body ‘cleaning’ the cum he had let printed on me, just shove 2 fingers inside my mouth… which I cleaned, no questioning, just savoring the salty flavor of his seed mixed with our sweats. I just accept whatever he wanted from me, I told him to use me. Didn’t I?

He took a rag from somewhere inside his tent and cleaned our bodies, silent, no words and no harshness. Very delicate if compared to the way he manhandled me to whatever he wanted. When he finished putting my dress again and dressing his pants, I started to look for my boots and was stopped by him.

“Stay.” He said, freezing me in place. Again he surprised me, I never expected he would want me to stay. I never took him for a bad person or a man that would just throw away the women he conquered, but I new he had his boundaries and I wasn’t really expecting for that. He wanted comfort.

“Ok.” I answered and stopped looking for my boots and started looking for the place where we’d lay to sleep.

Daryl Dixon never stopped to amaze me.

Wanna be added to my tag list? Let me know. (Please tell me if you want to be tagged on everything or just specific series)

Cathy Greene’s Taglist: @silentlysurffering98

Everything Taglist: @lilyevanstan1325 @hayley1998 @vaniniweenie @cupidelocke @avabh12 @whore4romance @dixondystopia @dixons-sunshine @bigbaldheadname @negansbestie @gabriella-aesthetic @fluffy-dixon @lunajay33

[catharsistine]

The scene in the Barbie trailer when Barbie is skating around with Ken and asks "Why is everyone staring at me?"

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE AN ADOLESCENT GIRL.

Living in Barbieland (childhood girlhood) but then suddenly you're all grown up in the real world subject to scrutiny and sexualisation (the guy slapping Barbie's ass) and feeling like existing is a crime?

Being forced by adult men into a box (which leads to the not like other girls syndrome) and exploring the 'real world' (being forced to grow up too quickly) while fighting the realisation that maybe the world sucks and being a woman is so difficult while hoping with all your heart that it's not always going to be this way.

Losing touch with the very things that made you happy because they're considered immature and girly? (The group of teens that said they hadn't played with Barbies since they were five.)

Older women telling you that you have to learn the truth about the world and that you can never have your old life back (Kate Mckinnon's Barbie) despite it being the only thing you yearn for, but also older women being a bright spot and support (the old woman on the bench) in the endless slough of life.

And this is just the trailer!!! I'm so excited for this movie I can't breathe, Greta Gerwig the woman that you are 😭

[sing-me-under]

I have a lot of opinions on fanon Tim. I am a fanon!Tim Drake anti. I’ve never been an anti of anything before, but I am very anti fanon!Tim Drake. He’s basically just a Mary Sue, but it’s worse because Tim Drake is a real canon character who is SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING. What the fuck did y’all do to him. Why can’t you just project your childhood trauma on a self insert like the rest of the internet. Look at him! You could replace him with a single packing peanut, and I couldn’t even tell the difference!

[bayetea]

just all of this from moa regarding frank/hazel/leo. the most uncomfortable romantic tension ever because nobody understands it and nobody involved wants it to be there

especially "Hazel's eyes glittered like gold. 'Gold is easy,' she said. It didn't seem that way to Leo--not when he looked at her." like we can interpret this in a few ways. what an interesting thing to think about a girl you just met

and the whole "if this is a private special thing that she's only done with her boyfriend then I either really don't want to try it or I really really do want to try it" like STOP cut the cameras

[smalltowndoll]

Just say you're obsessed with me already ♡♡♡ look at all this attention, I know I'm pretty but my goodness! @fademotion I'm sorry but I'm taken, you have to find someone else to harass and degrade 😘

[aejiee]

I feel like I call myself weird to protect myself. As if people calling me weird won't hurt as much if I think its already something I am.

[baileyfox1999]

Couple months ago I asked my brother which bsd character he thinks he would like and he told me he think he'd like chuuya

And I am not at all surprised

When I got into bsd I remember thinking chuuya would be the kind of character my brother likes

[rintinningvt]

Started watching the Bayverse movies with my besties and... Are we just too gay for these movies??? Admittedly we only finished the first two and got through a quarter of the third, but the second one was such a drag to sit through at times and it probably doesn't help that we do NOT care about Sam that much. I hope that there is a character arc for him in the rest of the third movie. Because so far he has not been fun to watch in that one. He just comes off as a slight manchild to me, like... I can see why he would be frustrated with where he is in life but the way he acts with others and lashes out does not help him in the slightest. I do have to admit though that seeing him go to Cybertronian Heaven in the second movie was the funniest part for me and my besties lol.

I'll just hope that the other guy in the next movies will be at least a bit more interesting. Doesn't even have to be a good guy, just an interesting guy for me lol

[coldflasher]

started rewatching arrow and far be it from me to defend oliver queen but what the fuck is wrong with this man's family?? your missing son comes back from what you believe to be a five-year stint on a completely deserted island. alone. zero human contact and no concerns other than survival. and you want him to put on a suit and be in charge of a company despite having no education or training and being freshly returned from said deserted island

HELLO? do they realize what a miracle it is that this man is even coherent. he's riddled with ptsd! moira is like "oliver i am deeply disappointed that you didnt experience personal growth during your five-year survivalist nightmare. i thought you would come back and somehow not only be normal but also socially well adjusted." like madam the fact he is walking and talking and wearing clothes and acting fairly normal is astonishing in and of itself. he's been eating birds and sleeping in a tree. what does this man know about shareholders and ROI

[neil-neil-orange-peel]

I love reading your asks, so I wanted to ask you if you had any favorite female characters from Rik and Ade projects?

Helloooo! Thank you, that's so sweet. ❤️ Let's see... I'm going to single out some TYO characters specifically and then talk more generally. This post is absolutely going to become a big, incoherent mess. 😂

Sue from Sociology is my favourite minor TYO character. Don't get me wrong, I love Helen the Murderess too, but there's something that draws me to Sue. To be fair, I'm just seriously weak for Jennifer Saunders in general, and she's basically done up as a female Rick here, if Rick was actually cool. I like inserting her into fanfic sometimes (okay, once... but I have plans). She's very much a background character for the majority of Interesting, but Interesting itself is one of the first (and only, possibly the only?) time there are lots of women in a TYO scene at once, even if they're not getting to do much. Shout out to Dawn's Christian who gets crushed by the gigantic sandwich too, of course! (As an aside, I find it funny that both Jennifer and Dawn got to strangle/smother Mike on the sofa on different occasions.)

Vyvyan's mum. Pauline Melville pops up a couple of other times in TYO as well, and she's just very good whenever she does. I believe she gave French & Saunders a bit of guidance when they were all on the standup circuit. Vyv's mum is a great character because she's just SO awful. Let female characters be awful! She's so spiky and sharp in every way, and she's probably the only semi-developed female character who appears on the show. I think letting the audience meet her gives Vyvyan a bit of texture and depth - sure, we could imagine any family background for any of them, but we're being told THIS HERE is Vyvyan's. Poor Vyv. Pauline Melville herself, of course, is a prize-winning writer now! The dream.

The devil and her condemned soul is one of my favourite TYO cutaway segments. The condemned soul is Helen Atkinson-Wood, who is most well-known for playing Mrs Miggins in Blackadder the Third. She also has a small role in the Comic Strip episode Consuela (and possibly others, but I looked up the cast list to that one yonks ago because it's my favourite). I wonder if Lise wrote this sketch, considering the subject matter. Either way, Dawn and Helen's delivery is great, especially the faux discrete way Dawn says "period pains". I hope it put stuffy men's heckles up.

Aside from TYO, Jen and Dawn were often the only female presence in the Comic Strip episodes, particularly the earlier ones. Of the first two series, Dawn wrote Summer School and Jen wrote Slags - neither were standout episodes of their series, the kind often recalled today, but with Slags especially, the female characters within them were given more agency and stake in the plot than usual. Jen played five different characters in Happy Families in 1985 - a little gem written by Ben and also starring Ade.

I'd like to give a little shout out to Helen Lederer, who popped up a lot in Rik and Ade's - and French & Saunders' - comic output, while never really being given her own opportunity to shine on TV. Oh, and I'd also like to give a shout out to Marsha Fitzalan, who played Sarah B'Stard in The New Statesman - she did such a good job of playing an intensely flawed, funny female character. There are countless male characters who are basically terrible people - I mean, Alan B'Stard for one - and it's vital women are also allowed to be that awful in comedy.

Comedy has always been a pretty male sphere. Even these days, there are definitely still men Ricky Gervais who believe women can't be funny. Misogyny is still massively prevalent in society. Male comics attract female attention; female comics attract male abuse. That's a simplification and generalisation, of course, but it's broadly true. And I don't see younger generations of men getting better with this, to be honest. Actually, I see them getting worse (thanks, Andrew Tate). Sorry to be all doom and gloom!

When Rik and Ade started out in comedy, women getting to play characters other than wives or the like - that is, straight characters and caricatures there largely for the male characters to bounce off of for their laughs - was still uncommon. Despite the existence of successful female comics across the pond like Lucille Ball, and beloved 1970s sitcom The Good Life having a main cast split evenly gender-wise (I know Richard Briers technically had first credit, but Penelope Keith as Margo Leadbetter was absolutely the funniest of the four of them), there was a genuine belief that women couldn't (and maybe shouldn't) be doing comedy.

Women like Victoria Wood were pushing boundaries in important ways around the time of the alternative comedy boom by writing specifically about women (and, quite often, northern women - which I personally think is important, since Last of the Summer Wine had such a chokehold on portraying almost all of its female characters as ostensibly the same). Her sitcom dinnerladies was both melancholic and hilarious. Her sketch shows and other comic output, quite often featuring Julie Walters (her friend and muse), Celia Imrie, and many others, were all written entirely by her. She was also a gifted pianist and wrote several comic songs.

All of this is to say, Victoria Wood definitely helped pave the way for French & Saunders. She even referred to herself as an alternative comedian in her material. But honestly, I don't think it was until much later that women stopped being regularly restricted to straight roles in comedies created by men (which, of course, most comedies were). This was part of why Absolutely Fabulous, written by Jen, was such a breath of fresh air in the 1990s. For once, every single major character was a woman - men were the scarcity! And Jen has mentioned before that producers would constantly pressure her to write more roles for men. Meanwhile, we can observe that Girls on Top (dubbed the female TYO, which is... sort of true and sort of not), which Dawn and Jen starred in with Ruby Wax and Tracey Ullman in the 1980s, isn't very well-known today. I'm not 100% sure how well it was received at the time, but clearly it wasn't as popular as TYO had been before it. Ruby Wax and Tracey Ullman have both also had successful careers in comedy, but I'd argue that's mainly thanks (particularly in Tracy's case) to opportunities in America.

So I'm not saying women never got to be the funny (also I'm just talking about the UK), but the fact is: if your comedy has a completely/majority male cast, with women only popping up in supporting roles or in guest appearances, it's obvious which characters are going to be better developed, more beloved, and just funnier. I mean, even the Vicar of Dibley, which was obviously written for Dawn and showcases her comic prowess, features a supporting cast of funny men (there was also Emma Chambers as Alice and Liz Smith as Leticia - before she was killed off - but the women were outnumbered by the men). I get that this perhaps fits with the idea of a tiny, slightly backwards village in Oxfordshire - and the fact Geraldine was a female vicar shocking these men was very important to the premise - but still.

We know certain men just REALLY struggle at writing women, too, so they've either done a really bad job or just avoided trying altogether. I do have an example for this, but I don't want to name them since I do love the show they created - it's just, y'know, writing women is definitely not their strong suit! And I'm really not trying to poo poo any shows here by pointing this out. I'm just making observations. All of these comedies I'm referencing here are very old now.

So! To get back to where I started with this!

I love that Lise Mayer was one of the writers of The Young Ones. In some ways, the fact one of the writers was a woman feels pretty incredible for 1982. At the same time, though, it's not surprising that she's often the forgotten one when people talk about who wrote TYO.

Rik and Ade were/are feminists, and it obviously wasn't their fault as individuals that comedy was so male - comedy was also restrictive in other ways before them. In terms of social class and political attitudes, they were definitely something refreshing and new. That said, it wouldn't be until later, with people like Caroline Aherne (who really changed the fundamentals of the sitcom genre with The Royle Family), that working class voices who weren't fucking Bernard Manning actually got some notice in comedy. And I've not even mentioned race in this ramble. If comedy was male, it was even more pale. There were comedies starring black and Asian comics in the 1980s and 1990s that started to break through - The Lenny Henry Show, Chef!, Desmond's, The Real McCoy, Goodness Gracious Me - but there's no denying BAME people, BAME women especially, have had to struggle a lot for a voice in comedy. Comedy is more diverse today than it was 40 years ago. There has been progress. But it's absolutely still male dominated, and still very white, at the top.

Rik was pegged as the golden boy of the alternative comedy movement, and he was and is undoubtedly remembered for so many different comedies. But in terms of pure success and fame? Actually, I think Dawn and Jen have been the standouts of their cohort. I don't think anyone would've predicted this 40 odd years ago - I mean, Christ, Rik had to speak up just to ensure they got equal pay at The Comic Strip. The boys were given their chance to shine first, there's no doubt about that. But it was Dawn and Jen who were the subjects of a BBC documentary last Christmas.

...Maybe there is hope for funny women, after all.

[yourqueenb]

Feeling another random burst of self confidence (probably due to lack of sleep honestly) so have a heavily made-up eye reveal I guess? 😂

[iconnnnnn]

me in my room!!

[burning-sol]

I can NOT be relied on for good taste because the amount of overlap between things I like and things that are objectively good or reasonable to recommend to people are off the table. I like "bad" singing because voice cracks sound good to me, I want to be visually blasted with janky animation, I want dialogue and vocal delivery that is unnatural in fascinating ways...

Mouthwashing was good but you know what its imagery didn't quite hit the same as in the vocaloid song "Our Anniversary" when Miku playfully and neurotically is rocking her head back and forth, a pitch black figure with a crow in the background, compressed voice humming speeding up and slowing down frantically, and you can tell that she is giddy thinking that she IS death and yet there is some part of her that is disturbed and trying to desperately not think about how she brutally murdered someone until she can no longer not think about it.

You made an entire game about an abusive figure coping with the guilt of their horrible misdeeds? Sorry but barely any of that imagery stuck to my brain and here is who youre losing to

To get on my list of media I most thoroughly enjoy you have to *flips through clipboard* make your art worse