#THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT IM FUCKIN SAYING
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so when are we as a society going to talk about how cait hitting vi and then leaving her sobbing on her knees is a direct parallel to vi hitting powder and then leaving her in season 1
#i haven't stopped thinking about it all day#cait says vi has jinx's madness and vi responds saying look in the mirror#when they're all goddamn foils of each other#arcane#arcane spoilers#not to fuckin mention what that moment means for cait and vi as a partnership#'begs the question young kiramman.. what are you shooting for?' as she hits vi with the rifle that was meant to protect people#as she hits vi wearing the enforcer uniform that enacted so much violence on vi throughout life#looking down on her with zero remorse or care all the while knowing exactly vi's history#god im not fucking over it#caitlyn finally became another asshole criminal in a fancy uniform
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OH ARTHUR BENNETT.. such a gorgeous and intriguing character. terribly burdened by a GRUESOME set of crimes, his light suffocated by a HEAVY century of GUILT. so tragic, so dark and broody, and yet PAINFULLY awkward in any social setting ever
#jrwi fanart#cw blood#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#arthur bennett#OUHH THIS ONE WAS SITTING IN MY WIPS FOR SO LOOOONGwhen i took it out there was mould on it :sob:#BUT i think i was able to fix it up okay#i keep seeing SO MANY MISTAKES RRAAAHHH BUT YOU DONT SEE THEM RIGHT?? THATS ONLY ME. RIGHT?? EXACTLY.#THE KEY IS TO SAY. AND REPEAT AFTER ME. 'FUUUCK IT WE BALL#so anyway. arthur bennett huh? grizzly says that arthur is reaal fuckin difficult to play. and i SUPER get that. i mean LOOK AT HIM..#grizz often needs a minute to think abt what hes gonna say in a way that matches w that Stoic Personality. which is FAIR but also that#ends up making way for awkward confrontations like: the lady in the parky lot. he took too long to answer and scared her away.& I LOVE THAT#arthur is tragic and sad and cool and stoic but hes ALSO awkward and silly and kinda dumb and short sighted. HE HAS COMPLEXITIES#I LOVE WHEN TTRPG CHARACTERS HAVE A GOOD SET OF SHORTCOMINGS. ESPECIALLY WHEN U FIND THEM ONLY AS U PLAY THEM.#I COULd go on and on saying the same things w different words abt arthurs intriguing and entertaining character but i shall spare u. for no#ILL ALSO MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVE HIS FLAVOR THO.. I LOVE TALL HOT BOY WHOS ONE W THE DARKNESS.. I REMEMBER WHEN HE FIRST MENTIONED THE#BADLUCK. N I WAS LIKE OOOHH THATS WHY HIS DESIGN IS SO COOL N CHAOTIC N ASYMMETRICAL. HES UNLUCKY!!! i love love love his design so much...#GRaaauruguguraguhhghghgh what else what else is there for me to spew on abt...i think im reachin a limit here..OH MAGNUS. i hope that#we get to know more abt how magnus and arthur met.. like How they became besties... ouuhh... I ALSO WANNA KNOW MORE ABT MARY DAVIS. LIKEHOW#he also apparently spent alotta time in a zone dominated by edward twilight? all he remembers is constant partying? I WANNA KNOW MORE..#i think i got room 4 one more ramble SO. THE ART PIECE.as i said its gone a lil stale BUT. im still very proud o the bits where hes allScar#I WANNA SEE HIM GET SCARYMORE. I like the idea of shadows solidifying to make him strange and eerie.like TEETH n CLAWS n SPINES n YESS#also the SILVER EYES.no1 does silver eyes like the show Claymore. they make em look so striking and eerie...i also like to think that#human arthur had deep beautiful brown eyes.just in my beaitufl heart.i mean look at him..i wanna cook him n eat him.ANYWAY#i think thats all my ramblin for this piece. now i gotta go cancel a single day i had ata hotel bc my work schedule change last minute FUCK#feel free to ramble in my tags aswell tho i read all of them and i chew on thenm and i love them so sos os mcuh
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I'm kinda baffled that I've only seen one Callum Crown ask blog so far. And it's... wildly out of character if I'm even allowed to say so. It must've been made before we got all this information on him or by someone who just doesn't know much about him. I don't mean to sound rude in any degree, I'm just surprised, is all.
(Please, someone make an actual callum ask blog, or I may have to do it myself. Which I am admittedly scared to do so.)
#dusty yaps#i would opt to make my own callum ask blog but#i am also dreadfully afraid of makin him out of character#i also dont know enough about him to confidently say i could pull this off#not to mention i already have a tobias ask blog that ive been neglectin#but it would be kinda funny nonetheless#every time i see that callum blog a piece of me dies inside#HE WOULD NOT FUCKIN SAY THAT!!!#i say#not knowin exactly what he would say either#BUT HED BE MORE RESPECTFUL THAN THAT#sorryyyy#the demons are gettin me#i dont even know if that blog is supposed to be callum durin his presidency#or after#its so inconsistent#sorry i just hate to see people get my fave characters wrong#but sayin that makes me feel like an ass#im scared people are gonna think im some self conceited guy who thinks he knows better than everyone else#aauuuhggghhh THE DEMONS
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ooooh man oh man the Asexual Angst™️ is hitting HARD tonight 😭😭
#WHY COULDNT I HAVE BEEN ACE AND ARO#MY LIFE WOULDA BEEN SM EASIER#BRO DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD ITS GONNA BE TO FIND A GUY THAT DOESNT WANNA BONE??? 😭😭#like im sitting here thinking a what the ideal scenario would be#n like the thought of telling my hypothetical boyfriend 'hey i dont wanna have sex ever' n him being ok w that???#like i literally cant fathom it#even in my IMAGINATION i cant think of a guy being ok w that#sigh..#jus. why me#how come everyone else gets to like#be in a relationship n stuff#n my irl friends are like 'oh youll find someone!!'#best friend saying that doesnt make it TRUE#like whatre the fuckin odds#could i not jus have been allo#ngl this ace thing kinda sucks#like truly honestly think abt it#could you honestly imaginr a guy being cool w not having sex for the rest a his life???#exactly#why did i get the asexual heteromantic combo#its ace but with Horrific Yearning#i think ive come to terms with it atp#but like damn...#shit sucks#doomed by the narrative to never know the (romantic) touch of a man ✌️🤪#hey God if You could jus like#make me not asexual overnight#thatd be appreciated#n like im not even depressed while typing this. jus resigned#asexual
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Okay so while everyone's making killer theories and observations about the teasers we have for Dreadwolf on top of piecing together more and more of the lore and imagery from Inquisition and 2 and even Origins, I just needed to put this observation of my own down as well.
So, the final, incomplete, Solas mural in the rotunda, right?
Clearly, the dragon slayed with the sword, and a.... beast, of some sort. I've seen it referred to as a wolf, a dragon in and of itself, and just some representation of the Inquisition itself.... maybe.
But that's always not quite fit for me. It seems odd that Solas, who is beyond skilled at painting and iconography/symbology, would make something so…. hard to parse. And granted- this was clearly roughed out in a rush, to put it lightly. He's left at this point, the mural forever unfinished.
But in Tevinter Nights, it's described specifically (as written by Lukas Kristjanson):
"The eighth and final panel of the fresco, meant to commemorate the battle against the blighted magister Corypheus, was unfinished. It showed only rough shapes, outlines...."
"... The story was well known- the Elder One, the false god Corypheus, had torn a hole in the sky to steal power from the heavens. He couldn't be killed until his blighted dragon was dead, and the Herald, the Inquisitor, had somehow countered with a dragon of their own. And there was a dragon on the panel, with an Inquisition blade in its neck. But according to the story, both creatures had fallen first, leaving the final victory to the Inquisitor.
But here, unfinished, was the outline of a beast that stood over both dragon and sword. This was not the battle, or the victory. This was after. And the beast was not a dragon. The outline alone might have allowed that assumption, but now, filling with black and red, it was something other. The creature was reptilian, but also canine. The snout was blunted and toothy, but edges came to a point in houndlike ears. [.....] revealing scales and tail, and paws with talons. It looked like two figures painted on either side of a pane of glass, then viewed together, their forms confused. A wolf that had absorbed a dragon, and now stood crooked over all."
Now, without getting too deep into spoilers for that short story (I really recommend it, and the rest of Tevinter Nights!), the depiction could be warped by what happens in the story (and is unfolding in that scene). But due to the reason it's warped, what 'colors' it, I think that the depiction is still accurate (it just becomes a bit more Spicy, let's say). I think that what Solas was starting was a creature like that - a wolf, that absorbed a dragon.
Of course, the question then is what that means.
As lore's revealed over the series, dragons aren't just associated with Archdemons, or even with the potential legends of qunari 'origins' (as dragonkin). Dragons are also specifically associated with the Evanuris - from the fact that only those as powerful as might-as-well-be-god mages could shapeshift into dragons, to their personal symbolism, to hints that different archdemons might be connected to each one (their numbers match, for one...)
Was it Solas leaving some hint as to who, what he was, then? The Dreadwolf, but also the Trickster God? Perhaps how despite simply attempting to free/help his people (he speaks of the loyal, steadfast wolf in the game more than once, wise and wonderful), he was elevated to the status of legend and god (dragonhood)? Was it symbolizing the blended might of the Inquisition, both protector Wolf and godlike Dragon? Some blend thereof, or extrapolation beyond?
Fuel for thought, for sure. But beyond that... the silhouette kept reminding me of something.
It took me a little too long to realize - it wasn't until I was idly staring at the Steam startup image for it while waiting for Origin to hurry up and connect that it hit me.
It's.... it's right there on the box/start screen.
It's... way, way closer to the creature Solas had begun to depict than what we've seen in dragon silhouettes in the past. And I get it- even as I write this, I hesitate, because I mean, the whole silhouette included has wings, right?
(sidenote, but major props to whoever designed this piece, the details are so good, including the fade/fireball/comets shooting off the 'wings' to look like support bones for wing webbing)
That's why I hadn't really thought about it before. But when that hit me, I went back to look at dragon silhouettes in previous games, and I mean-
That's the usual Origin one - and yeah, that's.... way more narrow a snout, though of course you're still getting that dragon spine spike along the neck. The neck itself is far more narrow, too, and its teeth more needlelike.
Okay, what about DA2?
Alright, now we've got some framing that is like DAI. (also, more props for the designers, and the silhouettes of Kirkwall friends/foes, hot damn).
But that face - the dragon's face. I keep catching on it. DA has a really great track record of being pretty specific about its silhouettes, symbols, and general representations, at least where it matters.
The dragon-made-by-silhouette in the Inquisition cover art is significantly blunted in its snout, the neck much broader, shortened in horn (or ear), and even the angle of horn (ear??) is different from past dragon iconography.
I dunno. I definitely don't think it's unreasonable to leave it at artistic representation/liberty, it just ended up a bit rounded, whatever. But where I get less inclined to leave it at that is when coming back to this final incomplete mural panel.
... It's all of it. The down-rounded snout, the way the teeth are depicted, the horn-ears, the spikes-that-could-be-fur, the obviously shorter and wider neck, the over-exaggerated sternum bone that strikes as dragon (/reptilian) before you think it could also be wolf rib cage-
It's.... close. Awfully, curiously close. At the very least, the Inquisition splash art feels like it could be the middle step between dragon and this. The splash is dragon, but wolflike - this is wolf, but dragonlike.
........... now, why the heck does this matter? Well, maybe it doesn't to most people, haha. But I'm an imagery and lore-reference obsessed nerd, and Dragon Age really does go hard with it's laid lore and hints of the future. So I can't help but ask-
Is the mural really depicting the Inquisition Defeating Corypheus?
... even the Tevinter Nights story, the way it's phrased casts some murkiness.
"The story was well known...." ".... This was not the battle, or the victory. This was after."
.... With dragons representing the Evanuris, perhaps.... is this instead a note, a hint, left depicting Solas' intent? To slay the dragon, the true dragons, what remains of the Evanuris after he tears down the Veil - because it would not only cause chaos, but also release them from the prison he'd made via the creation of the Veil?
Is the dragon-wolf not the Inquisition, but Solas, or rather - more importantly - Fen'Harel?
The shape of the maw, the way the ears point back, the trailing scruff/magic along the neck 'spine'....
Even the way the rips are traced, and the paw is drawn-
Hmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmm.
... I think it's depicting more than Corypheus' defeat.
But too, there's two other elements that keep rolling around in my mind with all this-
) "... On the mural, all Messere would say is, 'Skyhold is [their] fortress' (meaning of course the Inquisitor). 'These are [their] actions.' "
If these are their actions........ how does the potential for this image to be depicting the downfall of elven gods play into the picture (literally)...?
And thus, the second thought:
2. ) On that very same splash image for Inquisition, the silhouette of the dragon (with hints of wolf) is made via the energy of the Mark coming off the Inquisitor's hand. The dragon-ish creature is of the Inquisitor's making.
The creature is what the Inquisitor has made. Their actions. The mural, a depiction thereof; their choices, their efforts, their impact.
Their impact - a changed Solas... or, perhaps, one all the more committed to his cause. Fen'Harel, or a wolf-dragon hybrid, roaring at a slain dragon, sword of the Inquisition buried deep.
Trespasser, revealing just how much further Solas' network of spies and agents has expanded through the Inquisition. And whether through friendship/love or rivalry/antagonism, Solas coming away from it with his determination redoubled, his mission certain.
Whether it was intended to depict the effect of the Inquisitor on things they don't yet grasp, or their affect on him and his intent to bear out his mission........... I think this mural's about a lot, lot more than just the defeat of Corypheus.
#dragon age#dragon age theories#solas#dragon age inquisition#solas murals#long post#i spent way too long on this but i can't get it out of my head so here it is#a whole essay just to say HEY GUYS I DONT THINK THE MURAL MEANS JUST ONE THING#(i say 8 years fuckin late to the party)#buuuuuut i haven't seen anyone pointing out the dragon-wolf transition exactly so who knows maybe this#is interesting to someone else#and before anyone tries to say that the creature on the splash isn't anything BUT a dragon pls reread what i wrote#i just mean to point out the similarities and the curious transition in how its all depicted#it doesn't feel coincidental is all i mean#i know im reading too far into it lol don't worry#we're all just having fun in the sandbox#i should add - solas absorbed mythal (possibly w ogb essence added depending on your world state) as a direct result of all this so!#wolf absorbed a dragon indeed. and likely he had to make that choice as a direct result of his orb being broken in the final battle…#again- the actions of the inquisitor for better and worse alike
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working here is making me a little bit nuts abt antibullying again <3
#i mean ive always been a little nuts abt it. but its worse rn :)#i have been saying For Years that the reason antibullying campaigns have been so toothless is bc theyve ignored root causes#you cannot fight bullying while ignoring discrimination in our larger society#its not a fucking 80s movie people dont (frequently) get bullied Just for being nerds irl. the go to examples are so outdated#i could get into specifics but i think i dont need to! its ableism its racism its classism etc etc etc#we need to be actively teaching kids from a young age that at the bare minimum? acting on discriminatory beliefs is wrong#there needs to be actual consequences and understanding of why its wrong#we need to talk abt these issues WITH specifics. talk abt exactly whats wrong and why#call out specific common jokes explain slurs talk abt current events related to these issues#and fucking get rid of the 0 tolerance bullshit ive never heard of it doing anything but punishing the victim for fighting back#and i know some people will still be missed by this programming bc of their home life or influences. you really cant win them all#but you at least need to fucking try and attack this problem from the root instead of snipping vaguely at leaves#levi.txt#and i dont want to hear SHIT abt how your precious baby is too young to learn abt discrimination bc itll make them sad#as long as there are kids their age facing it? theyre not too young to try and understand#i just. aughhhh#like. ive been there dude i got bullied for a long ass time#didnt know why at the time but looking back it was absolutely bc i was nd#and that was so long ago and its still not better. it fuckin kills me man we should be getting over this#delete later#im very tired and this is a Big Rant but idfk man!! im mad#this shit ends lives youd think wed take it more seriously
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Apparently the scene you get with Shadowheart if you get her approval all the way up and then tell her you want to get to spend time with her is the same one you're supposed to get at the tiefling party, which means if you trigger it early you may not get any scene with her at the party at all. This made things pretty confusing when I showed up expecting to advance my romance with her and instead she just gave me some generic "lol wine is good huh" dialogue meanwhile every other companion* BUT her was actively trying to jump my bones... Literally just had to beat everyone else off of my Tav with a stick and then go to bed alone 😔
*Except Lae'zel, who instead went on an unprompted rant about how she knew I wanted to fuck her sooo bad but I had Pissed Her Off by making her be Nice to People so now she would NEVER allow me the pleasure of having crazy hot githyanki sex with her. (She propositioned me a few days later anyways)
#i seem to have accidentally started a romance with lae'zel astarion AND gale in addition to shadowheart 😭#like the next day i had a notice to talk with astarion and it was the scene where hes talking about not being able to see his reflection#and it was literally like dodging fucking bullets trying to pick an option that wasnt flirting#i ended up having to pick some mean dialogue that was like 'maybe its for the best youre not exactly aging gracefully'#bc the ONLY other two options were like 'tell him you think hes beautiful' and 'gaze lovingly into his eyes' or some shit#and i was like '...okay im picking the mean one but i mean it as a joke. maybe it can be a joke' and i picked it an he was all horrified#but then the next dialogue gave me an option to say 'lol im just kidding' and i was like PHEW#but then he just went back to being fucking flirty again and was like 'really~ well then tell me what you like about me the most' or smth#and i was like FUCK. NO#but then the next dialogue tree in addition to having the normal flirty options had three additional options#that were like 'youre fine. but lae'zel/gale/shadowheart? now theres real beauty'#and i was like. fuckin. OKAY#ill wonder wtf those other two are doing there later but for now ill pick the one where i tell him in interested in shadowheart#so i picked that option and this bitch fucking APPROVED. told me he was going to have to work harder to keep up with his competition#like SIR. what do you MEAN competition. i let you bite me ONE time bc you said you were dying of thirst and i wanted to help a bro out#and then the next morning i immediately told you i didnt like it and i never wanted it to happen again#what do you mean competition dude you arent even on my radar 😭 im a DYKE#and why were lae'zel and gale there as options too??#the next night i got gales weave scene where he shows my character how to use magic#(my tav was pretty unimpressed as a fellow mage tbh but hes my friend and i was being polite)#and when i clicked the option to clearly say at the end that i was not interested in having an intimate moment with gale#he got all misty eyed and was like 'oh how quickly these moments fade away...'#like bro the moment didnt fade away i politely shut it down on purpose bc im not interested. what are you talking about#and THEN i got lae'zel trying to fuck me and when i turned her down she gave me the exact same dialogue#about how i would miss out on having hot githyanki sex with her. AGAIN#yall im JUST trying to romance shadowheart 😭 leave me alone#if anyone else is gonna try to trap me into flirting with them then at least let it be karlach next time please 😭🙏#(ill come back for lae'zel on another playthrough bc being between her and shadowheart sounds like a safety hazard tbh)#rambling
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i was playing about dropping Fifty Drawings onto everyone's dashboard this week but the unfortunate reality is i am in fact being assaulted with images
#snap chats#this is what happens when i go on three hour walks i guess#might abandon some but i will spitball the ones on the forefront of my brain..#more for my sake so i dont fuckin forget cause I Am Starting To Forget Already dont read if. you dont want spoilers ???#not y7 spoilers. or i mean i GUESS there'll be y7 spoilers but i mean for my psts. i guess. only i care about that ANYWAY#i wanna draw a comic of aoki getting SOME kind of butterfly memorabilia or something with him and butterflies#i Was having a chortle with myself about Like A Butterfly but i was also like... Yk Butterflies Still Are About Rebirth#lame as hell ik but shut up anyway next one i wanted to do was Troubled Teen Jo getting in a scrap with arakawa#idk if i want this to be AFTER arakawa's become a father or not.. im still chewing on exactly what i want the direction of it to be..#i have an IDEAAAA just.. nothing concrete yet..#and then the one i wanted to see if i could do tonight was Beach Day With The Arakawas :) Cause IDK <:)#i really dont know.. for some reason i just got visions of them three at the beach.. maybe its cause of tonbi idk...#though the more i thought about that idea the longer it got and the more i was like 'maybe i can turn this into a fic instead'#a terrible sentence cause generally i never get anything done when i say that but it'd fr be too long to make a comic of#so at least for now maybe ill make a short fic.. just tryna figure if i want a jo or arakawa pov#i always think of jo's pov so i wanna challenge myself with arakawa. i always focus on jo and his pov of 'becoming a father'#but sometimes i also really wanna explore arakawa's pov on jo becoming another parental figure for masato. or smthn like that idk#ANYWAY LET ME COOK. im not a good chef but i can at least cook an egg lemme see what i got...#bye bye for now ill be in the kitchen (google docs) if anyone needs me..
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boy i really wish the pokemon company would give their games like...at least another year in the oven on average
#spitblaze says things#im still gonna play it#i feel like a bad person bc i feel like im gonna genuinely enjoy it#but then again. man what the fuck am i SUPPOSED to do about this other than say shit on the internet and feel guilty.#what possible form of recourse could i possibly have as an individual on this multibillion dollar franchise#and its parent company thats been tightening the noose on every IP it owns since Iwata passed#and having a fuckin. protestant guilt complex about a#Product that was made under Less Than Ideal Circumstances#will do. what exactly lmao#i dont have a solution i just want to have a pokemon game thats both on par with current triple A standards#and made ethically by a pokemon company that dumps considerably more money into merchandising than. the fuckin game itself
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#good fucking god#im hanging out w my mom and i remember why i dont love hanging out with my mom#she gives in to toxic diet culture and is a huge reason why my relationship with food is so fucked upppp#minding my business making myself a rice bowl w sweet potato and avocado w miso tahini dressing 🤌🤌#and unprompted shes like#‘im on a new diet i cant eat any of those things i can only have 200 calories per meal#i miss avocado so much but i’d rather be skinny’#im like BITCH????????#thanks for sharing and also that ‘nutrition center’ u went to and bought a bunch of frozen food from is a scam#once u stop eating their special food they upsell you then ur gonna gain it all back i hate to break it to you#and also the key to losing weight is to exercise enough to offset what you eat#she does not exercise at all.#she made me fuckin weigh myself in front of her the other day and when she saw the number she was like ‘thats not that bad’#HELLO??????#is she trying to give me another ed? cuz her saying that is exactly how i developed an ed 7 years ago :-)#losing my mind actually#ive genuinely put in so much work and its such a conscious and constant effort to not fall back into those patterns#and here i am holding back tears while i try to finish eating
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I do think it's funny that predatory normie-type mobile games are pouring so much into making their advertisements queer flavored like
"come play Generic Empire Building PTW #327, you can be gay!"
and honestly the strategy works better than it should on me
#advertisements do make me grouchy tho bc they NEVER represent actual gameplay#when the actual gameplay isn't BAD. boring a bit but not bad.#the art is usually p nice and-- when translated properly-- the actual writing is serviceable!#don't just be gimmicky if it's a generic hero collection and empire builder/resource farmer just fuckin SAY IT#im looking directly at king's choice and bloodline for this#and even isekai! the games are shockingly similar when comparing their advertisements. they each have their own quirks but#at the end of the day they are almost exactly the same game just with slightly different focuses#not bad to play! just predatory ptw that can't TELL YOU WHAT THE ACTUAL GAME IS
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ALSO OMG THE NEW TEAM CANADA CTM SERIES SKJDFSDJKFK
#IK I'M LATE TO IT BUT I NEVER CHECK YT ANYMORE. ANYWAYS I JUST WATCHED THE 2 EPS LAST NIGHT#theyre exactly the same. sobbing crying im soo normal abt it#alSO ETHO SAYING THAT HE'S WATCHED OLD COMPS OF THEM DOING MAPS???? king i cannot be normal abt this im so sorry#team canada ctm videos. what's better huh? yeah thats right you dont have an answer#Top Moment Of All Time on yt is them doing that one fuckinnnn puzzle w the sound effects and the hoppers. u know the one#beef in full mom mode. theyre all about to break up forever. fuckin beautiful
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Man
#My friend forgot that they said theyd come to my house today and even though i texted them.aboht it at 1pm which they read at 3pm they#didnt bother saying ANYTHING to me until literaly rivht now (its nearly 7pm so tge day is effecrively over)#and like. my friend is autistic (so am I obviously) so on one hand im like yeah they probably dont know any better but on the other hand i#WOULDVE known better not because im good with empathy or social stuff but just bc i put in an effort#and like . well what would i say cause. like i said theyre autistic im sure its not great to get upset with an autistic person for doing#something autistic BUT LIKE ITS STILL HURTFUL!!! AND IM AUTISTIC MYSELF#but my mom raised me to be like so painfully aware and competent (in real life online obviously i act like a madman) that its near#impossible for me to hang out with other autistic/adhd people without feeling like their fuckin dad bc they refuse to put in any effort#into our friendship beyond exactly that they feel like doing#and stuff like this is constantly happening like hanging out with them is always overshadowed by the fact that i have to plan everything#and take care of everything and remind them of everything bc otherwise they literally want altho i KNOW they can#*wont#but at the same time im TOO weird to hang out with neurotypicals but with other nd people its always shit like this#and there are few things i hate as much as having to take care of people in contexts like this esp cause it just means i have to mask way#more cuz the others wont put in the slightest effort meanwhile ANY social interaction is like moving a mountain for me ive just gotten#so used to the effort BC WHAT ELSE DO I FUCKING DO I DONT WANNA DIE ALONE#but neither of my friends are as driven with tbis as i am. like if theyre not motivated to do something they literally wont do it#and like im rarely motivated either but THERE IS NO CHOICE BUT TO DO IT !!! but bc i guess their parents never enforced any rules now#they are exhausting to deal with
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im too high to be thinking this hard about simon alkenmayer
#one would really REALLY think this would be one of those like.. tumblr deepdives or something#id say somebody should make one of those but like i feel kinda sick thinking about it too hard in general#it's just. such a strange experiment#and like in my little search thing i was doing#there was all this stuff. all this variety of horrific shit they wrote or whatever#but like . i cant even get through a paragraph or whatever#like if i read too much of that faq or whatever#i just feel genuinely sick. like. this 'experiment'#like.. i cant even talk about individual issues here because like. theres just the constant implication and context within every post#like 'yeah i eat people and you 'gentle readers' who are aware of me are the only ones who are off the menu'#like . girl you do this and insist you Care Not For Petty Human Squabbles or whatever#and then say something antisemetic . like dont you fry human fingers and restore antiques. why are you taking time OUT OF YOUR DAY--#and that's exactly it!!!!!!! what i just did!!!!! you can't even point out like actual fucking issues#because you gotta give the fucking cryptid legitimacy . like what the fuck am i supposed to do here#and like i'm paranoid . genuinely paranoid now for like . safety now#and dont get me started on the cop shit. fuckin grey light yagami or whatever the fuck#im thinking about this too hard but i need a deep dive and some genuine conversation and not on their terms lmao
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one of the most frustrating things about the situation w my abusive ex is how ppl act like they're an uwu innocent child with 0 agency? like as if i ~manipulated them~ into believing conspiracy theories about "freemasons brainwashing children" with me, rather than me genuinely being terrified of the ideas put forth from others about it and being terrified that was happening to me and i just didnt remember it bc I was trying to figure out why I was sexually abused by someone close to me and nothing was done about it and this was the only fucking way i could explain to myself ~why~ it happened? like yall have to convince yourselves im like this nefarious strategic alt right type with ulterior motives rather than someone who was fucking scared out of my mind, doubly funny if its someone ik irl from HS because like dawg- i definitely dropped everyone i knew because I was terrified, how in tf do you see that and think "well clearly hes being strategic and trying to control our poor sweet innocent babu who totally isnt 4 years older than you and totally isnt an adult who went along with you in believing this stuff because they wanted to", gotta be bc i forced them somehow right. give me a fucking break. they're not a child with 0 agency, they knew what they were doing, only when they realized it might hurt their image did they stop and try to blame me for alllll of it and why they believed in it rather than them wholeheartedly and willingly going into it. and even if you want to pretend that they are just a dumb baby and they just follow in peoples footsteps like a toddler, i still wasnt being fucking nefarious or strategic regardless,
I WAS F U C K I N G SCARED.
#vent#part of the reason it was so easy for both of us to believe-- i mean first of all let me say that i personally think they knew what they we#doing and thought it was funny to enable me and make me even more paranoid about this shit. but i digress-#the reason it was probably easy for both os us to believe is bc there were a lot of similarities between some of our ocs#like vince and ass having the same piercings- or how smiley and shit are similar to eachother in ways in spite of us hardly interacting irl#and not knowing about eachothers ocs and esp not knowing eachother during the conception of our ocs#and theres this whole thing in the Evil Freemasons belief about 'twinning' and i dont exactly remember the details of what that meant#but i think it was something about us being mirrored with eachother or some shit?? or we were both 'brainwashed together'#or something. idk. but thats the most charitibility im willing to offer them on this bc like i said i still think they were 'believing' tha#shit just to enable me and fuck with me- bc why else would it be so easy for them to just *drop* believing in this stuff if they#genuinely did and if i was totally for sure manipulating them into believing it with me? usually its not that fuckin easy and ya gotta#carefully deconstruct the shit you started believing in- and i doubt they could do it that quickly.#esp if they were totally for sure scared of it too like they pretended to be 😒#personally i would flip flop back and fourth on believing it was twinning or if we were 'soulmates' bc it felt really weird to see so#many similarities? but then i realized the things that were similar between our ocs at the time were just look too common of tropes anyways#and i clarify at the time bc this was before they were trying to fully be like me/my self insert specifically and then pretending some1#like me was just a common trope they could easily emulate 😒 bitch you wish you were half as unique as me thats why you emulate#dont front.#you had to literally copy my art style to make your art look unique bc it was so average before.
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tag rant but man i fuckin hate the new direction for loz
#its like. this is more on like. why is it bad that theres a zelda formula. why is it bad that all of the games follow this formula#that’s their identity??? like pokemon games and fire emblem games all have their own formulas so to say#and so thats their identity thats what you expect going in thats their niche their gameplay experience identity#and i just. really fucking hate how loz seems to be going the route of just. throwing shit at the wall and trying everything else#and nothing sticks so the more recent ones just feel like open world slop that dont excel at anything#so fuck this im going to play elden ring with a double jumping horse and great and challenging combat. i’ll play minecraft#yknow? and i dont understand why loz games feeling ‘similar’ is so fucking bad like???? every game series’ entries feel similar thats the#point yknow. if they suddenly made a fire emblem that was an fps for no reason other than to break convention and break away feom the#formula then what the fuck thats not even fire emblem any more. like. idk. i kinda just despise the newer stuff bc its so. middle of the#road whatever and has just about nothing i actually like and look for in the series. they dont have that niche identity any more#its a shift that just makes them like part of the open world white noise every aspect is honed down and done better in other games#its not like the formula causes every loz game to be really predictable or blend together fuck no#theyre still each very unique from each other even if they follow the same guidelines thats the fun???#like woah i wonder how the dungeons will differ what the new story and characters will be what new items#fucking hell boo hoo this game series’ games are similar to each other. almost as if they share the same central identity#absolutely just letting off steam and frustration here i hate when ppl treat the formula as a bad thing when it’s like. what makes them loz#like fuck its not like theyre exactly the same like i said theres a great deal of variety in what each one offers no need to just chuck it#all thats the kind of shit i come to loz for. i go to fire emblem for the specific leveling up strategy gameplay i go to pokemon for the#creature battling and specific world feel botw/totk just. do not carry with them the same signifiers of loz and they dont really have#identities beyond go do whatever the fuck which is not very compelling??? like can we at least commit to something here?#im yelling at shadows here im just. fuckin tired and feeling pessimistic abt this future of this game series whose core gameplay is one of#my all time favorites i really like the tightly designed linear-with-freedom dungeons and puzzles and world and all that#like the aesthetics changing is great and its fun to see different takes and tones on it but that core sense of things is like. The Point#of choosing to play loz yknow what i mean. like just bc its got ‘legend of zelda’ slapped on it doesnt gonna mean im gonna want to play a#vastly different experience if that makes sense. thats not the precedent thats not what you like. expect and associate with this#i feel like i sound like some entitled fuck abt this but like. is that tried and true style just going to be trashed in favor of this#honestly kinda bland everyman-ass style just bc it started to seem like it was getting stale. fuck this im gonna see what tunic’s about#likely delete later this was just a vent. ‘the zelda formula is a bad thing-‘ are you fucking serious rn#like hesitantly hopeful abt eow bc someone i know is excited for it so ill def play it but just. man
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