#THEY WOULD HEAL WASH
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May I present
#rvb#red vs blue#just katts art#i thought about it after my s17 rewatch#guys please its a valid ship trust me#rvb donut#rvb doc#rvb wash#agent washington#like cmon s17 has alot of washnut alr#and then still has some docnut#and ik docwash is a thing from recollection#what if they all started dating each other#THEY WOULD HEAL WASH#DO YOU SEE MY VISION
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viktor going on a 'fuck compassion and kindness and emotions ill achieve perfect humanity' rant only to give a place to hope, sleep and eat in peace with literal gardens and fresh fruit and clean water to vander and the girls, be the first person to tell jinx she can build to create not to destroy (a thing she hadnt heard since vi used to tell her she could fix anything), protecting vander/warwick from singed, snarkily deadnaming jinx to go along with her insults, deciding saving vander is worth loosing his power, inviting jayce to the commune the moment he had the chance and his eyes going back to the original gold for the split second he sees jayce. the arcane may have overtook his body and mind, eating away at him like a parasite but through these few glimpses we can see that viktor is still there. the same viktor who hugged rio through her pain, who clawed his way from the undercity to the top of piltover, who cheerily asked if hes interrupting a suicide attempt, who refused to let his invention be a weapon and still after everything refuses to let any weapons into the commune. the viktor who made the most powerful of the topside see the disabled kid from zaun and never let himself get manipulated into politics and supporting using science to harm. even as a husk of his former self, the arcane and parasitic chaos of magic, he lingers right on the inside of his own skin. you cannot make viktor actively and purposely choose to harm someone. because in order to do so youd have to murder him first and let a parasite use his dead body. and thats what happened. thats probably what is going to happen in act three and im going crazy already
#viktor arcane#im going fucking crazy over him aaaaa#viktor is the only character weve never seen choose violence towards Anyone#btw not saying that 'healing' people of the commune isnt harmful!!! it is!!! many people said how soul washing and inverting it is and#i agree its harmful obv#But Thats The Arcane Parasite Talking Methinks#and i dont think viktor has ever sought people out to heal them rather they came to him#basically its a very messed up and convoluted situation but my point that viktor would never willingly choose anyone to suffer or be harm#harmed*#ESPECIALLY because of his actions and inventions#and that compassion and kindness and understanding and hope still shines through in act 2#our vik is still there!!! and jayce killed him which im sure will be explained why#btw i hate and adore the choice to not have it explained in any way p much#might talk about it later#*
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I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#my stuff#i need to be beaten to death i need to be eaten alive i need to be slashed and stabbed and burned to ash#nothing i do will ever EVER be enough to make up for the existential guilt that gnaws at my soul#i’m hungry i’m tired i’m stressed about work and the safety and well-being of my family and friends#i miss my goddamn ex over a year after the end of a 6 month relationship like a pathetic wretch#i will never be pretty the way i wanted to be as a child and can only make myself enough of a freak that i don’t care#i want to be brutally harmed so the flesh of my body will show a fraction of the damage i feel inside#these wounds do not heal no matter how much i try to treat them with friendship and food and music and life#it is all insufficient. i was not supposed to live this long.#i try every day to be kind and to make the world a better place so that maybe just maybe i can say i earned the right to live that day#it never feels like enough. it probly never will#i’m so angry i’m so sad i feel incurable lonely no matter how much time i spend with friends#as soon as the call is over or i head home the darkness washes right back in and i feel like an abandoned cat on the roadside again#i want everything to be okay. It’s not right now#i want everyone i love to be warm to be safe to have enough to eat but I AM NOT GOD#i can’t fix everything no matter how much it makes me writhe inside#i’m a broke fucking grad student with a useless fucking project and they should bury me alive in the field research camp#perhaps a vegetable would cause less despair
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today i was such a good boy.
i...
neatened up my room (which involved cleaning up/organizing my desk, unpacking my overnight bag, and putting away my CVS purchases that were in my tote bag)
cleaned out expired stuff from the fridge and finally threw out some leftovers that were wayyy too old and washed the tupperware they were in
did TWO loads of laundry and TWO loads of ironing!!!
dusted and wiped down surfaces in the apartment
vacuumed and swiffered the entire apartment including moving heavy furniture to vacuum and swiffer behind/under those as well
vacuumed the couch and cleaned the fabric
ran errands and got some random kitchen gadgets ive been meaning to buy since moving in (garlic press & potato masher, mainly)
and now i am all done and its only like 4:30pm 😊 and later im going to get very spicy soup from the place near our building and my roommate is going to show me more of scream queens. i still have a little bit of a cough but overall life is good!!
#i was GOING to see anora finally this weekend but i think staying in is better for me right now.#i honestly might go see anora on tuesday to avoid having to think about the election lmao.#my roommates are gonna be watching MSNBC in the living room and i honestly cannot be around that#OH!! also ive been better about using lotion on my hands so all of the open bloody sores on them are basically healed and gone!!!#it would definitely be better to like. just not wash my hands so frequently and compulsively that they even get like that.#but baby steps i guess.#also i am now lying to multiple people IRL about being in counseling/therapy so thats fun i guess
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modern au where izzy plays an hour of powerwash simulator and becomes immediately nicer
#it would heal him i think#textpost#text post#beep beep likes ofmd#our flag means death#izzy our flag means death#izzy hands our flag means death#our flag bbc#ofmd#ofmd izzy#izzy ofmd#ofmd au#izzy hands#israel hands#ofmd izzy hands#modern au#au#powerwash simulator#power wash simulator#simulator
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ok i know ive already made a post abt carwash sibs hair before but like.. the idea of carolina shaving all her hair off after her fall to make her blend in more and wash being forcibly shaved in prison and both meeting each other again with this choppy, undyed hair and reclaiming their identities and personalities outside of their trauma by finding that connection with their appearance again…
the parallel of them dying each others hair for the first time when they were kids and now helping each other do it again as a symbol that they are finally trusting each other again
#augh and wash having such bad trauma about the back of his neck (his implant spot)#that he can barely handle anyone touching the back of his head#much less cutting or bleaching his hair back there#and him having to learn how to cope and heal from his trauma in order to find himself as his own person again#oh god i may have to make a new post abt this bc the idea of wash looking like the director if he doesn’t bleach his hair#but also having too much epsilon trauma to even begin to deal with his hair#BUT THEN THE EPSILON TRAUMA IS MADE WORSE BY THAT FACT THAT HE CANT LOOK IN THE MIRROR WITHOUT SEEING THE DIRECTOR#augghhhh the cycle of trauma and the pain of healing#and don’t get me started on carolina and how obsessive she would be about her blonde roots#like the idea that people in the project didn’t even KNOW she was blonde#and so she would be almost completely unrecognizable#none of this is even close to canon i love making things up#rvb#red vs blue#agent carolina#agent washington#wash rvb#rvb carolina#carwash siblings
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known we were a system for about 7 years now, probably been a system for far longer, and just realised. we got an intrusive self-fakeclaiming thought today and laughed it away
#it does get better it does get easier eventually you will not fear being wrong or out of place#the thought felt like it just rolled away like a little creek washing over stones#it used to be a tsunami size wave that would throw us around and leave us feeling like we're not fitting in or even in the right place#and now we're just. solid and sturdy and the water's calmed to a tiny trickle#this is the first self-fakeclaiming thought we've had in i think months#and honestly probably only brought on by very new system members not being used to being alone in front#(it's rare for us. we're almost always cofronting. but sometimes it happens and it's so jarring)#rejecting the idea that we could possibly be faking this gives us this massive sense of wholeness like. this is who we are. and it's right#it feels right it feels like. we're real again. we're healing and able to learn. we're doing better. we feel whole like this#sharing this body with a million others will only ever bring us joy this is home this is love this is healing this is right#i love being plural#i love having a system#i love my headmates#we're so so close to hitting our real milestone of being functionally multiple#our challenge kinda. the goal we have to say Yes we feel we have functional multiplicity now#is to just. be able to connect all the sidesystems and have dormant people come back now and then and recover lost headmates#(TOBY WE *WILL* FIND YOU EVENTUALLY)#and it's starting! we've discovered people from BEFORE the syscovery we've brought back Blank and Ro multiple times#we talked to Bee once!!!! Bee literally hasn't fronted since fucking 2020!!! AND BEATRICE CAME BACK AND SHE'S TALL NOW??#and Siren came back!!!!!!! he was so so so fucking scared of falling out of the front rotation bc he thought he'd be lost forever but!!!!!#system wise i cannot believe how far we've come EVERYONE can feel the difference Ro and Blank get shocked by how much more cohesive we are#they were used to a constantly terrified proxy host and gatekeepers that loved to section stuff off and no communication#now it's like walking into a real place for them. they aren't used to headspace being this solid#when we started out WE DIDN'T HAVE ONE we had to manually build it and it took so long and so much focus#now it's as easy as closing our eyes#god i fucking love this im so happy right now
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usamericans have got to get cool with nudity really fast bc when I tell you that showering with my partner makes the Sensory Nightmare™ of it all wayyyy more tolerable I am not kidding ... we can create a shared bathing culture like the Finnish and the Japanese if we try ... we too can scrub each other's backs and share shower thoughts in real time and even get a little sexy with it if everyone's on board
#i know most ppl already think showering is pleasant. my autism hates inconsistent temperatures so. alas.#showering w my bf is soothing and genuinely fun. he makes this hated activity bearable. i love him#wanna be with this man for a long time (dare i say forever)#that said if i am ever single again it would be so nice to wash up together with friends or family. the companionship is so valuable to me#so if we could maybe get over the body shaming and heal our insecurities ... by washing up together perhaps ... that would be real cool#snowswords#shower hateposting#the most hopeful shower hatepost i will ever make probably#shower#showering#public bathing
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what gets me sometimes w the idea of the calamity is that there are probably places in the deserts of thanalan where the fire of bahamut turned the sand to glass and it’s just. a few handfuls of sand there are layers of glass
#like eyrie hears about prospector types in southern thanalan#and might have gone on a few ventures to keep them safe in the desert#and hearing about and seeing these layers of glass in the sand#like that sort of stuff is what messes with their head the most after the calamity#these bits and pieces of the mundane of life that have been so utterly changed#coerthas and its people are the starkest of the bunch but in the city states it’s these small things#the parts of the shroud that are so twisted and gnarled as the elementals cannot heal some of these hurts#how the wind and the water and the creatures of the area are. wrong and off#eyrie has been to western shroud only a few times and they have regretted it each time#gnarled ugly things live in that dirt#the debris in the oceans around La noscea#how it changed the landscape of the oceans. the tides and patterns changing now that a moon is gone#u don’t like. put a moon in orbit and it not effect the oceans#how many dead fish and other sea life washed ashore. the heaps of death#tainted and unable to be consumed. fires for burning these dead fish#pyres for the dead sahagin that washed ashore#idk I think about the damage to the people of Eorzea—the emotional and mental#but the ecological damage#like. if eyrie had the gumption to write a thesis for the studium#which would be a very rare chance since they would much rather write a book for the masses to have access to#but it would be a compiling of their offhanded ecological and human responses to the calamity#that push and pull between them#as someone with a vague familial connection to what thrived in the earth of their home ie. akin to elementals#it’s puzzling to them
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i’m so tired i genuinely might cry ;-;
#might be the caffeine might be the 12 hour shift#just gotta get through another long ass day tomorrow#and then i’m off for two days#summoning the energy to wash my face and make some dinner but might lay on the floor about it#i think that would heal me
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handcanoning based on some frames/panels… this bastard is never going to die in my brain huh
#danbles#part4#💣#i wanna add scars from his nail biting tendencies but tbh i feel like finger injuries are the quickest to heal?#like i’ve put my hands under every kind of self-inflicted torture you can think of#(including cutting my nails by sticking them in a pencil sharpener (was 12 and curious))#but nothing ever leaves a permanent mark#the worst it comes to is the cracking/peeling from my excessive hand washing#but 1) kira moisturizes and i do not (hate the texture)#and 2) kira’s anxious tendencies are spread far apart so they would be completely healed in between#which i’d imagine is his default#much to think abt
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i was wondering why i feel so utterly miserable and then i realised i haven’t left the house in almost a week my god what a mess
#food deliveries are great when the weather is bad but sometimes i wish they weren’t an option so that i would be forced outside#because i forget#time to go to a nearby grocery store#because pasta with eggs and ice cream will not make for a good lunch#why am i such a mess#adhd#adhd things#mine#ON A POSITIVE NOTE my skin began healing from some awful acne that i tried to beat since early december so that’s fantastic#i think it’s thanks to using bioderma acne gel to wash it and then slapping the og nivea cream on
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really glad i don't have that much money in my bank account because i did i would have gone and gotten a tattoo today
#not in a manic way just in i want another tattoo way#i was thinking the little fleur de lis on my hand like how tim has it would be cute#but also i have Issues re washing my hands (i do it too much (OCD)) so that might not be good for healing
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#i cleaned my room i washed the dishes i completed my work paperwork#i started my homework and had a little walk. and i feel fucking fantastic!!!#my body is definitely not in good condition though#i don’t want to exercise because i don’t think my body can handle that yet#so i’m starting with talks to build resistance#*walks#keeping my body healthy is a priority right now because of my work#also cutting off fast food and i’m just gonna cook more#don’t really feel the need to drink caffeine which is something my therapist said would happen#truly feeling great emotionally like my feelings are balanced#i felt a bit of anxiety while i was watching the dishes but it quickly went away#and i think it’s because my body started aching#my heart is in good condition so it’s definitely the fact i don’t exercise#can’t wait to walk more#and then start exercising#also haven’t had intrusive thoughts today!!!#i mean not to say i won’t have them anymore because i just started treatment for my ptsd#but i’m basking on the feeling right now#here’s to healing!!!#slowly but surely#logan.txt#adventures in adhd#healing from trauma
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nothing quite beats the desperate post-cold skin care half-commitment of using two different products for lips and trying infinite combinations for the nose while the forehead continues to be completely ignored and thus flakes away like vitreous enamel on something spitefully inherited
#dont i feel just pretty#also the corners of my mouth are killing me#can i just fas forward to a time where they're healed and my nose is no longer stuffy#i'm otherwise fine#if i could eat skincare i would#like if there was a pill that hydrated my skin from the inside i'd be so game#i hate having my face wet#i hate getting it wet#i hate when the water clings to my hair#i hate when water drips down my neck and arms#i hate then drying my face and fighting against time to add any moisturizing serum or cream#i also hate the feel of left-over skincare product on my fingers#and i'm not a fan of having to wash it off my hands either#i just#i quite dislike every step of skin care tbh
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I have a yellow kazoo. I rediscover it every few years. I discovered it a few months ago, and finally got around to cleaning my room and washing it today. I am now armed and dangerous
#also every time i wash it the kazoo temporarily doesn't work#while the vent thing on the top (whatever you would call it) is wet i think#which sparks great concern each time but it heals
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