#btw i hate and adore the choice to not have it explained in any way p much

[denkilightning]

viktor going on a 'fuck compassion and kindness and emotions ill achieve perfect humanity' rant only to give a place to hope, sleep and eat in peace with literal gardens and fresh fruit and clean water to vander and the girls, be the first person to tell jinx she can build to create not to destroy (a thing she hadnt heard since vi used to tell her she could fix anything), protecting vander/warwick from singed, snarkily deadnaming jinx to go along with her insults, deciding saving vander is worth loosing his power, inviting jayce to the commune the moment he had the chance and his eyes going back to the original gold for the split second he sees jayce. the arcane may have overtook his body and mind, eating away at him like a parasite but through these few glimpses we can see that viktor is still there. the same viktor who hugged rio through her pain, who clawed his way from the undercity to the top of piltover, who cheerily asked if hes interrupting a suicide attempt, who refused to let his invention be a weapon and still after everything refuses to let any weapons into the commune. the viktor who made the most powerful of the topside see the disabled kid from zaun and never let himself get manipulated into politics and supporting using science to harm. even as a husk of his former self, the arcane and parasitic chaos of magic, he lingers right on the inside of his own skin. you cannot make viktor actively and purposely choose to harm someone. because in order to do so youd have to murder him first and let a parasite use his dead body. and thats what happened. thats probably what is going to happen in act three and im going crazy already

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Meet Strange: What's the most memorable way your OC has ever met a new person? Was it a good experience? Bad experience? Just plain weird? How's their relationship with that person now?

Past: Does your OC have any past partners? How did the relationship(s) end? Are any of their exes still in their life, and if so, do they get along?

I’m curious if Diane had partners pre-hobie

Yay I love these!!! Especially the first one AAAAAHHHH

Also I'm sorry this is seriously so long don't feel forced to read it all if you dont wanna i just like having it typed out also a lot of reaction images

Meet Strange:

Hobie & Diane's First Meeting

Meet Strange: What's the most memorable way your OC has ever met a new person? Was it a good experience? Bad experience? Just plain weird? How's their relationship with that person now?

Hobie and Diane's first meeting would most likely be described as 'mortifying'. (In her eyes) Because of their proximity in era, Hobie was actually the one sent to recruit her. The usual protocol is simple - follow them home from patrol and give them the whole 'joining pitch' - very boring. Hobie hates doing it. But he follows Diane and instead of going home after patrol - she goes to the club. Like - was just beating a purse-snatcher's ass in an alleyway to changing in the discotheque bathroom. Hobie is like '?? okay. i suppose. WEIRD choice but okay' and he hadn't planned on trying to approach her in a CLUB but sure They come across each other in the club, and by the time he's spotted her in the crowd and they're face to face, she's drunk. She's plastered and she wants to dance and she cannot hear him or understand his accent for the life of her but she's vibing tho. Has no idea what's happening or who he is but all she knows is a hot guy is standing in front of her and he's handsome and tall and british and she needs no more information He has to buy her a drink just to get her to sit still and then when he even tries to explain she's like

Thinking 'this man is fine as hell but he be talking a lot'. Cuts him off mid-sentence just to be like "yeah, yeah i can dig it -btw how tall are you? You like 6'5? Anyone ever told you you're pretty?" cause WHY ELSE would he be approaching her in the club?? She spends the whole time flirting and Hobie is like 'luv, ur adorable but imma need u to focus.' Finally he gets her outside and she's thinking she's gonna score. But instead to finally get her to understand he uses his webslinger in front of her but instead of mystified realization Diane is like

She's immediately sober and screaming like 'How did you do that?! That's impossible!'

And Hobie is like "How's it impossible??? You can do that-" And Diane goes "How'd you know I can do that?! That's impossible!"

Good. Now she's drunk and freaked out. At that point Hobie is ready to give up and he's just like 'you know what we need to get you home'. Meanwhile Diane is dazed, drunk and confused cause since when are there British Spiderpeople????

Eventually he does get her home and she passes out asleep. Wakes up the next morning - starts screaming again cause she thought she was on psychedelics and dreamt him or something.

After everything he finally gives her the pitch and heads back to HQ - heads to Miguel - and she's mortified the whole time.

Can't look him in the eyes, deathly embarrassed that she spent last night hanging off of him and saying x-rated shit to her new coworker.

Miguel is already pissed cause he's like 'what took u two so long'

and Hobie, thinking this is all hilarious just goes "We slept together."

Meanwhile Diane's about to die of embarrassment in front of her NEW BOSS

and she's like "YA'LL He means in the same apartment. I don't know why he said it like that- We slept in tHE SAME APARTMENT-"

thus starts a cycle of his tourment. He don't even call her 'luv' he call her 'Daiquiri' or '4 Daiquiri Diane' because that's what he had to buy her to get her to sit still. She can't live it down.

"Oi, there you are, Daiquiri Darlin'."

__________________________________________

Past: Does your OC have any past partners? How did the relationship(s) end? Are any of their exes still in their life, and if so, do they get along?

Yay I love this one. Yes! Diane has been through (kinda speed-ran) all of her 'canon' romances, except one. Hobie kinda has a Scott Pilgrim situation on his hands (yeah right) because a lot of them still hang around her

Betty Brant - a.k.a Brian Bett - A high-school sweetheart she dated for a couple-years. Currently goes to ESU, journalist student, plays it straight and dislikes Diane's "black extremism". She thinks he's a chump

Gwen Stacy - a.k.a Glenn Stacy - a guy she met shortly after joining the society (back when her and Hobie didn't know each other fairly well). They dated for about 8 months and were thinking about engagement. Hobie tried to disrupt Diane's canon event but was unfortunately too late to save him. He helped her with that trauma a lot

Mary-Jane Watson - Martin-Jean Watson - THIS GUY. A couple months after Glenn's death, Diane finds out through Margo that her Mary-Jane canon event is coming up. She's over the moon! Tells Hobie how excited he is, gets all dolled up And she runs into him and it's just..NOT IT. He's punk like Hobie, and a Guitarist, like Hobie. His humor is the same as Hobie's - a vest like his too. Except he's an arrogant manchild. He's like Hobie - but he's what she would've been into if she hadn't met Hobie. And it's like just knowing Hobie has dirupted her canon event. Because she's just not into this guy. And if she didn't know Hobie. She would've been. She tries to dates Martin for a couple of weeks before he does something and Hobie is like '...damn he's doing you wrong you should throw him out.' and she does. Funny thing is Martin KNOWS about Hobie and has met him at Diane's shows. And they would get along AMAZING, but Martin hates his guts and Hobie thinks it's funny as hell - so he instigates. After Diane and Martin break up her and Hobie start getting more serious and exclusive and since Martin is her guitarist back on her Earth he just has to deal, which Hobie can't get enough of.

thank you so much for this and if you read this far please let me know id love it if anyone read this far cause this is a LOT okay thanks byeeee

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

:((((((((( i ran out of tags . tumblr hates to see me thrive!!!!!!!

ok niku just . read the tags first and then come back here ok 🙏🙏 i have a lot i still need to say this is so important to me . this fic changed my life .

(WARNING this got long ….. really long ….. mysteriously. i got carried away 💔 PLS don’t feel the need to respond to any of this btw i mean that sincerely i know this is kind of a Lot i just need you to know much i adored this fic <3333)

BACK TO GOJO ok so his talk w reader…… it was just so satisfying to see them finally get to tell someone about their experience. it must’ve been such a great feeling for them !!!! to get some of it off their chest :((( … and to have Gojo Fucking Satoru our safe harbour of a man there to believe them and listen to them and reassure them. he’s so mature when it comes down to it and you captured that so well…… like as much as he acts childish and teasing this is exactly how i picture him interacting w someone he doesn’t know in a situation like this!! he’s flirty and unserious but he tells you he’ll protect you and means it. (i’m so down bad it physically hurts)

sorry i’m abt to go on a tangent i think BUT I JUST 😔😔 really… REALLY love their dynamic…. how it evolves so much even though he doesn’t even know reader exists for most loops!! and to them he’s just this beautiful Something that they can’t help but look at…… ”inhumanly attractive” is a great way to put it like he’s just….. this magnetic force……….. and i feel like even before they speak to him for the first time they probably find some kind of hope in him.

AND that’s so important bc to me that’s like . the main Theme of the fic? hope. reader has to find some kind of hope to make it through shibuya and more often than not they find it in gojo!!! in just seeing a familiar handsome face, in learning how to navigate the timeline through his actions, in talking to him and finally having him on their side. their choice to trust him fully at the end just made me soooo insane. and obv the hope theme continues even after that because gojo believes in them!!! believes that they’ll be okay in the prison realm….. more on that later actually bc i Still. have a lot to talk abt 😔👉👈 i’m just wildly flipping through my notes at this point i’m sorry to throw this at u when we’ve barely interacted but in my defense this fic reached into my actual skull and started rewiring my brain so!!!! yeah.

i got completely sidetracked there but . yes!! the conversation between them when gojo gets sent back in time is. so good!!!!! so wonderfully written!!!!! i haven’t mentioned it that much yet i think but i love your writing i devoured every line…… i struggle w the flow of my own writing SO much but this just flows so incredibly well??? it was sm fun to read????? and the rhythm of the paragraphs (that sounds. Insane but i hope u know what i mean 😭😭) is so distinct!!! and ofc there are SO many banger lines in this in general…. the gore descriptions and the lines abt reader and their fixation on hope. on gojo!! ”He's a terrifying sort of beauty and you can't help but be captivated by him.” <- this is just one example but!! idk i’m just so enamored by ur writing style.

and the dialogue!!!!!!!! i cried!!!!!! it’s so consistently gojo…. him going all ”oh?” ”interesting…” but not explaining anything … the ”ding ding ding!” after making reader guess what he should just be telling them (it’s the teacher in him <33) AND AND AND these too!!!! :3

“Just think of it like having a lot of MP.”

“You know, your technique kind of reminds me of save scumming.” 

THEY JUST FEEL SO CANON that’s our gojo…… that’s exactly what he would say…… he’s so unserious and so funny and so charming 😔😔 sigh.

ANDDDDD reader telling him good luck!!!! gojo beaming and squeezing their shoulder!!!!! the lil wave!!!!! 🥺🥺 that made me smile so wide niku he’s so infuriatingly cute . it felt so genuine!!!! pls know that this gojo will probably live in my brain forever like genuinely . i’ve been brainrotting over him all week and this was the final nail in the coffin. i’ll never be free.

ok but also !!!! extremely important !!!!!!! before i get to the ending i just need to tell u . how much i loved kenjaku in this ……….. kenjaku nation (me & six others) will never forget these crumbs of content like he just feels so real!!!!! and he’s so interesting!!!!! made me realize how truly down bad i am for him bc these lines made me so fucking happy 😭😭 brain started releasing serotonin like CRAZY i’m so ashamed.

“You can come out, you know.”

”How interesting.”

"I'll be nice, though. I'll make it painless."

…….. he’s just ….. yeah. yeahhhhh. 😔😔 i’ll never be normal abt him. i think it’s SUCH an interesting detail that he always makes reader’s death painless in every single loop…. he never lies about it. that feels so in character to me too!!! he’s kinda fascinated at first and when that interest disappears he kills them. but he doesn’t make it unecessarily cruel because there’s just. no need. kenjaku is a sicko but he’s oddly polite at times and i’m just……. yeah. gonna need you to take over for gege akutami actually 🙏🙏 get in the writer’s chair!!! the fandom needs u!!!!!

wait while we’re on this topic pls just know the entire confrontation between reader and kenjaku was one of my favorite moments in the entire fic <333 not JUST because i’m a kenny stan ok……… reader’s resignation and ”I appreciate it.” made my brain spin because it’s just . kinda chilling? kinda sick? that they aren’t even really afraid of death anymore… or more like they’re just so frighteningly used to it.

AND AND ANDDDD niku your writing in this scene 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 gutted me like a fish.

Time doesn't flow in the box. He didn't lie. You die again.

i exploded btw . ackkk i wish i could explain it better i just!!! :< adore your writing. these lines made me go completely batshit they’re just so good. and the ”time doesn’t flow in the box” line … how that ties in with the ending and reader’s choice. whewww.

segway time <3333 this is the final rant i promise!!! i just need to talk about the ending bc it was so perfect and like many other things in this fic it made me insane …. have i said that already …. probably at least a couple times 😔👉👈 it’s true ok!! it’s just sooo interesting to me and obviously so wellwritten and fitting and just. thematically ties everything together so well? i was FLOORED

hhhhh i don’t know where to begin so i’ll just start w the final convo between reader and gojo :> he asks for their name !!!!!!! i cried !!!!!!!!!! calling someone by their name or knowing their name as a form of like . Closeness or Affection is one of my greatest weaknesses and i also think it’s soooo telling that GOJO wants to know Your Name. he wants to know you. to hear that from someone who seems so inhumanly beautiful and violent….. for him to kind of extend a final olive branch and attempt to connect w you :((((( it just says so much without spelling it out and i. started chewing at my desk. it’s so good!!!!!!! such a genius way to tie everything together!!!! and reader’s final words to him…

“Thank you, Satoru Gojo.” You burn the glittering glow of his brilliant bright blue eyes into your mind.  And then, everything is engulfed in an unending black. 

first of all!!! so so sooooo pretty. wowow. second of all THE THANK YOU ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ that’s also such a perfect conclusion…….. reader finally put their trust in someone and had that faith returned. and they thank him!!!! i like to think it means something to gojo too…. likeeee how often do people really thank him for what he does? how often is his hard work to protect people acknowledged and appreciated? sorry to bring gojo back into the discussion all the time sadly i AM in love w him….. 😔😔 and this fic made it worse so technically it’s your fault. kind of.

okay so my brain is kinda spinning away again so i’ll get to the final final thing!!!! for real this time!!!!! reader’s decision to be imprisoned in gojo’s stead… that’s so . genius? i’m so in awe??????? it makes so much sense from a character perspective based on what they’ve been through — after being at the mercy of time for so long, wouldn’t it be nice to be free of it? completely? it’s almost kind of chilling and just the idea of it scares me LMAO but it makes sm sense that reader would be drawn to it.

AND like i mentioned before!!! how it leads to a deeper connection between them and gojo, and how at the very end of the fic he’s the one who has faith in them. faith that they’ll be alright, of sound mind.

…… and that brings me to the final final final thing because. it’s just like the opening poem!! reader is the cat in the box. nobody can say for sure if they’re alright, not to mention alive, until the box is opened. and we don’t get to know!!! you leave us on a cliffhanger and that’s so good bc it really is like the cat in the box…. we can only wonder but it also gives us the freedom to decide for ourselves if we think they come out okay or not and i’m just………….. in love. with this fic. and the ending and the reader and gojo and you.

hopefully you’ve noticed atp but i really did go completely insane reading this 😭😭 i said it at the beginning but just to reiterate!!: for SURE one of my all time favorite gojo fics . AND loopfics in general…. thank you sm for your hard work :’3 aaaa i can’t tell u how much i admire the time you spent working on this??? your storytelling and writing and characterization skills????? i genuinely feel sooo giddy and excited and happy rn bc. i just adored this fic!!!! i’m so lucky i got to read it!!!!! :33 pls pat your gojo on the head from me and let him know i love him…. it’ll boost his ego but that’s a risk i’m willing to take 😔😔 i hope you have theeeee loveliest day or night a human being can have bc you made mine <3333333

beyond the unending night (reader + satoru gojo)

notes: it's finally here. the long awaited halloween fic. yes, i know it's march, but i did start working on it in september. haha. there's so much i could say, but i will leave it at that this fic is, in every sense, a fic that i would not normally write. and yet here we are.

contains: f!reader (no physical description or gendered language is used), no explicit romantic pairing (though you don't have to look hard to find the reader x gojo implications), major character death (played with), semi-graphic depictions of death, blood and violence, minor suicide ideation, canon retelling (lines of dialogue are pulled from the jjk english dub because i'm a dirty dub watcher). opening poem is from higurashi no naku koro ni (minagoroshi-hen). fic title is from giga's beyond the way.

please note that this is a time loop fic and, by nature contains repeating scenes (particularly from canon). please do not read this fic if you do not like that sort of thing.

wc: 21,883 read on ao3 (account required)

Please tell me what happened in this night. It's like the cat inside the box.

Please tell me what happened in this night. You don't know if the cat in the box is dead or alive. Please tell me what happened in this night. The cat in the box was dead.

The first time, it is instant— you don’t even know what’s happening.

The second, it is by flame, but you barely realize it, barely feel it— a second of mind numbing heat before nothing.

The third time, it is something slicing across your throat; you see the blood spilling everywhere, then the pain follows— a moment of pure agony before nothing.

The fourth time you realize what’s going on; what’s really going on.

You realize you’ve been dying.

You think your head is going to explode.

At first, you think it’s because the subway platform is crowded, insanely so— there are hundreds of people shoved into this space alongside you, packed like sardines in a can. You’ve never been one for crowds, but it’s the reality of things when you live in Tokyo. For the most part, you’ve learned to accept it, but even this crowd is a little much and you wish you hadn’t listened to your friends when they said you should go party in Shibuya for Halloween; you don’t even like partying.

There’s a sharp pain in your temple followed by a thought so loud that it feels like someone is screaming it at you through a megaphone positioned right next to your ear.

It’s the night of October 31, 2018— Halloween in Shibuya.

For the eighth time.

Before you can even question the thought, images flash in your mind’s eye, blurry at first before they come into focus. The platform gates open. Chaos ensues. People dropping onto the subway tracks— spontaneously bursting into flame— their heads, necks sliced off, stomachs cut open—

Bile rapidly builds up in your throat, and you clamp your jaw shut, trying to force it down. Not here. Not now. You try to focus on something else, anything else happening outside of your brain. There’s a pair next to you musing about the people standing on the subway tracks, wondering what the two (the four?) of them are talking about. You blink back tears as you look. You can only see two: a freakishly tall man with white hair dressed in all black, and another man, dressed in strange, yet more traditional looking garb. Are those costumes too? You don’t have a lot of time to think about it as another image forces its way into your brain.

Your corpse— lifeless on the ground.

Your corpse— burning to ash.

Your corpse— bleeding out.

You can’t hold it in any more. Every fiber in your being screams at you to get away from the subway tracks, but instead you rush toward them, shoving people left and right as your hands desperately reach the stability of the gate. You grip it like a lifeline as you retch over the side of it, the contents of your stomach spilling all over the subway tracks.

There’s a quiet murmur of disgust behind you but you can’t be bothered to respond. You need to get out of here. You need to leave. You need to do it before—

The gates open and the crowd starts to move like a tidal wave, pushing and shoving their way through the gate. You’re swept away, vomit long forgotten as you and a few dozen others tumble onto the railway.

Alarm bells go off in your brain, loud and deafening. A voice in the back of your head screams for you to get off the track! Get off the track now before—

The platform erupts into a cacophony of screams, drenched in horror, saturated in fear. You are surrounded by people, by corpses— beheaded, sliced open, bursting into flames.

Your terror roots you to the ground as the carnage ensues around you. It’s only when another person, another corpse, dressed in a magical girl costume collides with your body that you can finally move. But it’s too late, you realize, despaired and helpless, as your bodies fall to the ground.

It’s too late.

You die an eighth time.

You think your chest is going to explode.

At first, you think it’s because it’s so hard to breathe, frustratingly so— there are hundreds of people squeezed into this space alongside you, packed like cattle for slaughter. You've never been one for crowds, but it’s the reality of things when you’re in Shibuya. For the most part, you’ve come to accept it, but this crowd is way too much and you wish you had just stayed home and ordered a pizza; though honestly, the thought of pizza kind of makes you sick.

There’s a dull throbbing in your forehead, followed by a thought so loud that it feels like someone’s hollering at you from a loudspeaker that’s been installed in your brain.

It’s the night of October 31, 2018— Halloween in Shibuya.

You think it's the ninth time now.

Behind you, you hear a woman screaming, her voice crazed and terrified. You turn your head automatically to look at her and when you see her you realize you recognize her yellow and white magical girl costume. You can say with certainty that you’ve never seen her before and yet—

Before you can ruminate more on it, images— memories assault your mind’s eye with a clarity that is absolutely sickening. That woman colliding into you, your bodies slamming into the subway tracks before you both— Your stomach churns violently,

and you feel like you’re going to puke, but you force it down— can't afford to right now. Instead, you make your way over to the woman.

Her head is in her hands as she mutters over and over again about how everyone is going to die. People around her figure that being stuck in here with the crowd has probably gotten to her. You, however, know better.

“...hey,” you say softly.

Her muttering comes to an abrupt halt and slowly she raises her head to look at you. There’s a flash of recognition in her eyes and she grabs you violently by the shoulders. “You! You know, don’t you? That we’re going to die?”

If it weren’t for the fact that you have indeed experienced death here eight times already, then you would have thought she’s lost her mind. Slowly, you nod and she seems relieved by it, her grip on you loosening.

You can’t help but feel a little relieved too— glad to know that you’re not the only one experiencing this nightmare. There’s a voice in the back of your mind that’s confused though. Why is she only remembering now? But then again, it took you a few times before you realized yourself.

Around you people start to gasp, and you glance back toward the railway to see an abnormally tall man with white hair and dressed in all black jump down from the atrium onto the railway. He lands rather gracefully for someone who jumped at least one floor and starts to converse with the other three people (you think they're people— two of them are in some pretty wild costumes) on the track.

Wait. Isn’t it supposed to be just two people: the tall man and the one in the traditional clothes? Where did the other two come from?

“We have to get out of here,” the woman says. “Before they kill us.”

Her grip shifts from your shoulders to your arms and she starts to shove at everyone around you, trying to force her way through. She seems to know, just as well as you do, that any second now the gates will open and the crowd will start spilling onto the railway, littering the tracks with bodies and ash. Neither of you can let yourselves get swept up with the rest. If you do and you end up on those tracks, you’re as good as dead.

People move aside at a snail's pace, many of them too focused on trying to see what is going on on the subway tracks. This isn't good. You need to move faster or else—

The collective sound of the gates opening echoes in your head, a metallic hiss that makes your stomach fold into itself. Before either of you can stop yourselves, you both whip your heads back to look, to confirm, but it’s a mistake.

The briefest lapse in attention is enough to pull you both into the current of people, and try as you might to fight against it, the crowd splits you and the woman apart as it swallows you both whole. You’re both spat onto the tracks at the edge of the platform and your head collides with the metal rails of the track. It feels like your skull is about to crack in two, and it takes every fiber in your being to scramble to your feet. You're close enough to the platform that if you can just climb up it, then you'll be—

“Help! Help!”

It’s the woman’s voice. You turn to see that she ended up a couple meters away from you. She’s staring at you, eyes brimming with fear filled tears as she extends her hand in your direction. You take a step toward her, reaching out.

And then, her entire body is engulfed in flames, the skirt of her magical girl costume a ring of fiery death around her.

Her blood curdling scream is the only thing you can hear, her burning flesh, the only thing you can see. You don’t know what to do.

You can’t save her.

There's something touching your back. You can barely feel the pressure, but it's hot, scorching hot, mind numbingly hot, painfully hothothot.

You know this sensation. You have felt it before. The scent of burning cloth, burning hair, burning flesh clogs your nostrils. It's too late, you realize, helpless, despaired as the flames eat at your body— your soon to be corpse.

It's too late.

You die a ninth time.

It’s October 31, 2018— Halloween in Shibuya.

This is the tenth time.

Your head hurts, but you ignore it. There’s something more important that you need to attend to. You immediately make your way to the woman you met during your last round, the one you watched burn to death. Her costume is still pristine, unmarred by fire and death.

For now.

She’s not screaming this time and while there’s a little voice in the back of your mind that’s concerned by this, you try to ignore it.

“Um, excuse me?” you say when she doesn’t acknowledge you as you approach.

The woman turns to look at you. You’re taken aback by the distinct lack of recognition and it feels almost as if the woman you encountered previously and the one before you now are two separate people. In a way, they technically are.

“Do I… know you?” she finally asks when you don’t say anything.

Your mouth is dry. How do you even answer that? You don’t know her. You just watched her die twice. You know her. She begged you for help. You couldn’t save her.

If you explain all of this you know she’s just going to think you’ve lost your mind. Maybe you already have— you’ve died nine times after all.

You give her a weak smile. “I… just wanted to tell you that you think your costume looks great.”

She blinks, taken aback by your words. There’s no doubt that she wasn’t expecting you to say that. It’s the truth though, her costume is nice; she’s dressed up as a character from a magical girl anime that was popular a couple years ago.

“Thank you! I made it myself!” The woman breaks out into a genuine smile and your heart hurts. In a few moments she’ll die and the costume she worked so hard to make will be nothing but ash on the subway tracks.

“Sorry,” you blurt out before you can stop yourself.

“For?”

For watching her die. For not being able to save her.“...I just kind of came up to you all of a sudden…”

She laughs. “It’s okay.”

It’s not.

You consider telling her that she should try to move. That if she stays here she will die. You don’t want her to die. Again. You can still hear her screaming in your ears as she burned to death. You want to tell her.

You don’t.

“Stay safe, okay?” you say. It almost sounds like you’re begging.

She gives you another smile, kind and gentle and you think you’re far too undeserving of it for not telling her what fate will soon befall her. “You too.”

“I’ll try,” you say and move away from the woman just as the gates open and the crowd surges toward the railway. You do not fight it as you are swept up into the crowd and despite what you said, you do not try, this time, to stay safe.

You die for the tenth time.

It’s October 31, 2018— Halloween in Shibuya.

This is the fourteenth time.

There’s a slight ache in your head, but it’s subtle enough that you can ignore it. The pain you feel lessens with each round and you think it’s a sign that your body no longer feels the need to remind you of the precarious situation that you’re in.

Or maybe you are just becoming numb to everything: your death, the death of the people around you, the death of the woman in the magical girl costume—

You try not to think about it too much as you reach into your bag to check the time on your phone: 8:37PM. There’s not a lot of time: you need to move.

At the very end of your last attempt to escape this nightmare you realized something. You need to know exactly what is going on around you so you can plan accordingly: where to not stand, where to not go. Up until now, you’ve relied almost solely on the knowledge gained from your previous failures to try and survive, but obviously it’s not enough to keep you alive. You’re not sure why you didn’t realize this earlier. The panic, maybe? The fear?

Maybe you really are becoming numb to all this.

Unlike previous iterations, this time you elect to move closer to the gate, positioning yourself somewhere against it where you’re unlikely to be pushed off the platform in a couple minutes when they open. You take great care to place yourself where you can see the ones responsible for the slaughter very clearly. At the beginning, you could only see one, the one who looks the most human, but with each repetition, the other two have become more and more clear. You wonder why. You don’t have time to think about it.

Murmurs nearby alert you to the arrival of the fourth major player involved in the night’s events. You look up and see the white haired man dressed in all black descending upon the platform like an angel from the heavens. This is your first time really looking at him and you realize there’s something almost inhumanly attractive about him. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but it occurs to you that you shouldn’t even try; you don’t have the time to be drooling over some handsome stranger.

You’ve naturally never taken the time to try and listen to whatever the conversation the man and his opponents have before all hell breaks loose on the platform, but you try and lean closer to listen. It’s hard to hear over the dozens of conversations going on behind you, but you try anyway. There might be a clue to what’s actually going on— or better yet, a clue on how to get out of it.

It’s obvious that you’re missing context from what bits of the conversation you do manage to hear, but honestly it all sounds like stuff out of a shounen battle manga. There is one part of the exchange that you manage to hear with a startling sort of clarity. It feels almost as if your heart stops beating as your blood turns ice cold in your veins.

“If I run away, you’re just gonna kill everyone here, right?” the man in black asks.

There’s a pause, and if your heart was still beating it’d be long enough for just four heartbeats.

“If you run away?” The monster with cane repeats, the sadistic grin spreading wide across its features, displaying its charcoal black teeth. The gravelly sound of its voice sets fire to the blood in your veins, your stilled heart thumping wildly, in fear, in anticipation. Soon. It’s happening soon. You brace yourself. “We’re going to do that even if you don’t!”

You die a fourteenth time.

It’s October 31, 2018— Halloween in Shibuya.

This is the seventeenth time now.

Things are going surprisingly well, even as the people around you tumble onto the tracks. You manage to hold on, desperation keeping you from falling into the abyss. This is good, you tell yourself, despite the fact that it’s not the first time you’ve achieved this. Every little victory is worth celebrating, but you have to remain vigilant. This is yet another information gathering loop, and while you know that maybe this time you’ll be lucky and live, there’s still a chance, a big one, at that, that you will die again.

You have to make the most of each and every death.

It’s such a morbid thought, but the ends justify the means, or so you tell yourself. If you have to die a few times to make it out of this unending nightmare, then so be it.

The spot you’re in is a good vantage point; it’s easier to see everything happening below you. It’s so good that it’s actually sickening. You watch as the monster with the cane and one with what looks like branches for eyes slaughter the people on the track, mowing them down, setting them aflame. In another life, in another many lives, that was you down there, and for what feels like the first time in forever, you feel like you’re going to be sick. You feel like, at some point, you likened the scene before you to some kind of shounen battle manga, but you think that was wrong.

This is borderline horror.

Everything plays out before you like a scene out of an action horror flick. If you didn’t know better, you’d think you were just an extra on set, but you know the reality is that you’re just an extra to whatever phantasmal battle is taking place in front of you. The monsters and the strangely dressed man all try to attack the man in black, but he manages to block every hit effortlessly, as if he is protected by some sort of invisible barrier. When it seems the two monsters are about to hit him, he merely jumps out of the way and the two monsters seem to collide, the force of their combined strength sending a gust of air throughout the crowd. The man in black neatly lands on a nearby platform half wall and says something about curse users, whatever those are, to the monsters, before he starts to mock them, pulling down his strange blindfold in the process.

And this, you’ve found, is where you start to get in trouble.

You clearly remember thinking, at some point, previously, that there was something attractive about this man. You still don’t know what it is. You haven’t had the time to try and figure it out, but there is one thing that you do know: you can’t keep your eyes off of him.

He drops back down onto the tracks, antagonizing his opponents in an arrogant tone as he approaches. When he comes to a stop between the two monsters, the second round of their fight begins. They try to hit him, but he dodges still, gracefully, fluidly, like the three of them are embroiled in some sort of passionate, yet violent dance.

You cannot turn your eyes away as he cruelly rips off one of the arms of the one-eyed monster.

You cannot turn your eyes away as he brutally kicks the branch-eyed monster in the abdomen, sending them flying to the other side of the platform.

You cannot turn your eyes away as he effortlessly hurls the one-eyed, now one-armed monster in the same direction, sending them smashing into the wall.

Only when the man in black seems to fly to the other side is the spell over you seemingly broken. Still, your eyes give chase, and your body too, rushing from one side of the platform to the other. You can’t lose sight of this fight, you tell yourself, settling in a spot you recall being safe during your last round. Doing so could mean another death, another loop, another October 31.

You watch as the man in black acrobatically dodges what looks to be vines or roots that the monster with branches for eyes seems to have summoned from the depths of the Tokyo metro. He lands on the monster’s shoulders, balancing on them as he uses its branch-eyes for leverage. The look in the man’s eyes is so crazed that you can see it from where you’re standing. He says something to it and then—

With a feral and sadistic smile, he rips their eyes straight out of their skull.

Your heart is pounding wildly in your chest as you watch the fight unfold. It is horrifyingly, disgustingly violent, yet still you watch as people on the track are killed by the human-like person, blood raining down as their freshly beheaded skulls go flying into the air. He and the one-eyed monster launch their counter attacks against the man in black and the blowback is so intense the power goes out causing everyone to scream.

There’s a faint glow where the man in black is standing that starts to grow brighter and brighter. You can make out his form turning to face the wall, and it seems almost like he’s slammed the monster that had branches for eyes against it with some sort of telekinetic power. Despite the panic from the people around you, you manage to hear him, chuckling like a mad man as he draws closer and closer to the monster.

The one-eyed monster yells out a name, a name you think must belong to the man, but he doesn’t hear it. He doesn’t hear the one-eyed monster as he extends his hands out toward the eyeless monster, exerting some kind of force that you can’t really see. He doesn’t hear the one-eyed monster as the eyeless monster’s entire body is vaporized in a flash of blue light. He doesn’t hear the one-eyed monster, as the lights flicker back on revealing a smoking crater stained with purple blood where the eyeless monster once stood.

But you do.

Satoru Gojo.

You make sure to remember that.

It’s October 31, 2018— Halloween in Shibuya.

And this is the eighteenth time.

You watch as the man called Satoru Gojo stalks through the crowd of people on the subway tracks, chasing after the one-eyed fire monster. It throws people at him, in a clear attempt to slow him down.

It does not work.

Satoru Gojo climbs back onto the platform in a way that you can only describe as inhuman, and the people nearby shriek and move away from him, out of terror, out of fear. You, on the other hand, draw closer, refusing to lose sight of him.

He is relentless in his pursuit of the one-eyed monster. It continues to throw person after person at him, but he does not stop and the people float there, suspended in midair before they are gently lowered to the ground by some unseen force and scramble away.

No one dares get close to Satoru Gojo, everyone on the platform seems to know that doing so means certain death, yourself included. But you still feel the need to keep an eye on him. The monster and the strangely dressed man are focusing more on him than the crowd— anyone in between is just collateral damage.

But not you.

Especially since you’ve made it this far— you’ve never made it this far before.

A voice echoes throughout the platform; you realize it’s the automated announcement.

An eight car train is pulling in. Please wait behind the yellow line.

You can hear everyone’s relief coming from all sides. The train is coming! The train is coming! A ripple of hope makes its way throughout the crowd. With the train comes the chance to get off the platform and the senseless violence that’s been happening here. Some of the people around you are talking excitedly and others are running toward the gates, toeing the yellow line they’ve been instructed to wait behind. And you, you should be excited, you should be hopeful.

All you feel is dread.

It eats at your stomach, at your chest, at your mind. Clawing and gnawing at you in a way that leaves you paralyzed on the platform. There’s something wrong here. You can’t be sure because you’ve never made it this far, never survived long enough for the train to come, but something is just not right.

No.

You must be paranoid. The train coming is a good thing. It has to be a good thing. You are just paranoid. It’s normal. It’s natural. Dying seventeen times would do that to anyone— rob them of hope, condemn them to an existence full of fear.

It is not lost on you that the thought of dying more than once, much less, dying seventeen times is not normal or natural in the very slightest.

But you need hope, you crave it, wildly, desperately. The hope of freedom, of escape is the only thing getting you through this unending nightmare. Every time you die, every time you wake, it is with the hope that maybe, just maybe this iteration will be different, maybe this one will be the one where you make it out, make it back to your friends who must be waiting for you, make it back home where you can be safe and sound. You need the hope to keep going. Because without hope, what will you have left?

The train screeches as it pulls into the station and the people around you laugh in both disbelief and relief. They start to push and shove toward it, fighting to be able to board because there’s no way everyone here will be able to get on an eight car train and being left behind at this point is practically synonymous with death. Unable to decide if you believe in the train as a symbol of hope or a new layer of fear, you are pushed along with the crowd toward it.

The doors of the train cars slide open and the current passengers all rush off as they disembark. You as well as everyone else on the platform can see with a horrifying clarity that the train is filled to the brim with monsters. Monsters that reach out and grab anyone their hands can reach. The woman to your left. The person to your right.

You.

Hope is gone.

What do you have left?

You die for the eighteenth time.

It’s October 31, 2018— Halloween in Shibuya.

This is probably the twenty-sixth time now.

If there is anything this entire ordeal has taught you, it is that you are resilient. Whether it is some innate trait that you never had any reason to uncover before or just a byproduct of being trapped in an unending cycle of being dead and not dead, you don't know. What you do know, though, is that even if you no longer have hope, you at least have your resilience.

Whether you want it or not.

You check the time. It’s 8:35PM. Something flickers in your chest, like a faint light in a sea of darkness, but you ignore it. You don’t have time right now.

With a nimbleness born from your previous failures, you weave your way through the crowd. You’ve done this enough times to know where the gaps are— who will yield and who won’t. Your destination is the escalator that leads off the platform and up to a higher part of the station. You’d noticed previously that the escalator along with every other entrance onto the platform will eventually be blocked by vines or roots of some sort (the work of the branch-eyed monster probably). It’s not a perfect plan because you don’t know what happens on the other side, but whatever it is has to be better than whatever is happening on the side that you’ve been on.

You’d tried to get to the stairs during your last two rounds, but you’d just missed it. You hadn’t been fast enough and had gotten caged and slaughtered along with the rest. But this time, this time you have more time. It’s just one minute, but it’s enough. You know it is.

The flickering in your heart grows stronger. Hope. You try not to pay attention to it— you don’t want to be disappointed yet again. But you want to so badly. A voice in the back of your mind tells you to focus on the good, tells you that if there was truly no way out of this endless nightmare, then why would you get more and more time with each round to escape your fate?

With that thought in mind, you break out into a run, recklessly rushing through the crowd, shoving anyone who will not yield to the side. Out of the corner of your eye you can see the stark white of Satoru Gojo’s hair as he descends upon the platform.

You need to get up those stairs.

Now.

If you remember correctly, the roots and vines don’t close off the area the moment he touches down, but a little after they start talking, so you think there is probably some time, but you can’t leave it to chance.

The stairs are packed, and for some reason no one is moving. The escalator right next to it is just as full and the power doesn’t seem to be working. You don’t have time for this. You clamber onto the escalator’s rubber handrail, ignoring the weird feeling that passes through your body as you do so. You don’t have the time to worry about whatever that is. The people around you start exclaiming around you, but you don’t care, you don’t listen. You wobble as you try to balance yourself and when you think you’re steady you try to run.

But you trip.

And you die for the twenty-sixth time.

It’s October 31, 2018— Halloween in Shibuya.

This marks the thirtieth time.

And you have, finally, finally made it up the escalator, up the stairs with barely a second to spare. You pause, glancing back as the roots or vines or whatever the hell they are seal off the entrance to the platform. You notice that the area where the plants come down is actually fairly clear, despite the crowd. It seems weird, but you don’t dwell on it.

A strange feeling envelops your entire body and your legs turn into jelly. As you sink to the floor, you realize what you’re feeling is relief as all the tension, maybe thirty iterations of Halloween 2018 worth, seeps from your being. You don't remember the last time you felt anything other than fear and dread; it’s weird, but not unwelcome.

That voice in the back of your mind tells you that you can't relax just yet: October 31st isn’t over. Even though you have repeated this night again and again, burning the events that play out on the platform into your memory, you do not know a single thing that happens over here. It would be smart to scope everything out.

Legs still shaky, you rise to your feet and start walking. You think it’s probably for the best to try and head up to the surface and you make your way up to the next floor.

It’s packed with people here too, but relatively peaceful, especially when you compare it to the pandemonium taking place beneath your feet. Still, you can make out the undeniable hum of displeasure resonating throughout the crowd. People complaining about how uncomfortable their costumes are, people complaining about how much they want to go home, people complaining about how much their nights have been ruined because they couldn’t meet up with their friends and—

A thought hits you like an eight car train.

You were supposed to meet up with your friends.

That’s why you were on the platform in the first place— you were waiting for them to arrive, but then the trains stopped working, and people just started pouring into the station out of seemingly nowhere (you think you heard some people say they’d come from the crossing?). Soon after that is when everything went to shit.

You check your phone, though, for once it’s not to look at the time (8:56PM). Instead, you open LINE to check your friends’ group chat. There’s no signal here, for whatever reason, so if there are any new messages, you haven’t received them. The last one was from Kei, mentioning he was enroute, but as far as you know, you’re the only one who made it to Shibuya before the trains stopped.

Did one of them maybe make it here though? Surely, you would have run into them if—

The image of a woman in a magical girl costume fills your vision, burning to death before your very eyes as her screams echo in your ears. It is the first time in what feels like forever that you’ve thought about her and your stomach churns violently. You couldn’t help her, you can’t even help yourself, so how could you even expect to do the same for your friends if they were here? The mere thought of having to watch them die over and over is almost enough to send you over the edge. You don’t know if you could do it.

Would you even have a choice?

No. You can't think like that. You have choices. You've had choices. If you didn’t then, you would still be down below, among the fire and brimstone. Dying, if not dead already. However, instead, you are up here, where, for the moment, it is quiet and peaceful.

That thought, in of itself, is enough to give you a shred of solace, a glimmer of hope.

You take a deep breath and fiddle with your phone a little more, changing your lock screen to a picture you and your friends took at a photo booth not too long ago. The four of you are huddled together, faces squished as if you're all struggling to fit in the frame, despite there being plenty of room. You're mid-laugh because it's the first time you've been in a photo booth in years, Mio and Shin are grinning mischievously and finally, Kei is smiling, but only just slightly, the embarrassment clear on his face. It's probably only been a few months since you all took this picture, but the fact that it feels like it's been years makes your heart ache.

You press your forehead to the screen, like a prayer, like a promise.

You will make it out of this nightmare.

No matter what.

A shrill scream yanks you from your thoughts and you are instantly on your feet, alert as your eyes flit around frantically to identify the source. It doesn't take long for you to find it and when you do, you think you might have stumbled upon a new layer of horror to this nightmare.

It’s not the corpse, dangling by a noose, that terrifies you— by now you’ve seen dozens upon dozens of dead bodies that the sight of just one more doesn’t faze you in the slightest. The thing that’s the most mortifying, that’s the most disturbing is that right next to where the body is tied are two girls, two teenage girls still dressed in their school uniforms.

You can accept monsters and weirdly dressed men being responsible for the carnage tonight, but children too? Both girls look like they’re barely in high school and try as you might to rationalize things, to chalk it up to coincidence, you cannot ignore the ominous energy radiating from them.

The very notion that these two children could have killed someone here is a hard pill to swallow, but so is the fact that you’ve died.

And you’ve had to swallow that pill thirty times now, so what’s once more?

“Listen up!” one of the girls yells over the crowd, but she is mostly ignored; you don’t think everyone here has noticed her and the corpse dangling from the rafters. She scowls and turns to the other girl and says something quietly to her. The other girl nods and almost instantly she’s stringing up another person, another example. You want to look away so badly, and yet you cannot bring yourself to and you watch the poor soul choke to death.

“I said listen, you dumb monkeys!” the girl shouts, and this time she’s caught most of the crowd’s attention. “If you don’t want to end up like these two, you’ll listen to what we have to say!”

There is clear dissent among the crowd, people dismissive as they utter their disbelief. Some seem to think it’s a prank, but you know better. It takes two more examples before the crowd goes silent before the two high schoolers.

“About damn time!” The girl roars and then points toward the atrium, which is currently covered by roots and branches. “All of you move over there!”

You have a bad feeling about this.

Still, you comply; the girls have made it abundantly clear that failure to do so will result in death, though, at this point, you're almost certain this iteration is a bust and death is all but imminent. You try to keep positive— thinking you can at least gather information or, who knows, maybe there's a chance that this one is the one.

Yet when you step onto the mound of vines and branches that cover the atrium it feels as if you've crossed the threshold into hell. Your footing is stable… but for how long?

An eight car train is pulling in. Please wait behind the yellow line.

It's faint, but you can hear the announcement from below. The liquid in your stomach curdles at the sound as you recall the train and, in particular, what is on board. Soon enough, those monsters will be swarming the platform, massacring everyone in reach, guzzling down their blood, feasting on their flesh—

It dawns on you that the people on the platform are the monsters' first course.

And you, and those around you here in the shrubbery, are the second.

As you realize this, the branches and vines disintegrate beneath your very feet and suddenly you are mid air— falling, falling into the abyss below.

You die for the thirtieth time.

It’s October 31, 2018— Halloween in Shibuya.

You've done this nearly sixty times now.

After countless failures, you've decided that you're just not going to go upstairs any more. No matter where you try to go, you still end up herded onto the death trap above the platform where you ultimately fall to your death. You've tried positioning yourself in the same spot, tried bracing yourself for the drop— but nothing seems to work: upon landing, assuming you manage to land without hurting yourself or dying in midair (which has happened a couple times) you get grabbed and killed by one of the monsters from the train. It's probably not impossible, you just don't have the physical prowess or reflexes for it.

If anything, you can try again later, but you sincerely hope you don't have to.

It's 8:32PM, and you have plenty of time to get to your chosen spot for this loop— it's close to the stairs, in the very center of the platform. Here, there's little risk of getting pushed off onto the tracks when the gates open. You'll probably have to move when the train comes, or even before (assuming you survive) to avoid the monsters, but you'll get to that when it's time.

You can't really see the fight once it breaks out after Satoru Gojo arrives, but you still try to keep track of it as best as you can. You see when he hurls both monsters across the platform and you're not sure if it's muscle memory or what but you have to fight the urge to move to the side and watch. It's been a while, yes, but you've seen the fight countless times before— it doesn't change. Satoru Gojo will give chase. He will rip the branches from the branch eyed monster's skull. He will use some kind of power to eviscerate them.

You don't need to watch, but there's something in you that wants to.

It doesn't make sense, you've seen it all before; if you're unlucky you'll see it all again.

The lights go out and people start screaming; Satoru Gojo is ending the life of that one monster. Soon enough he'll be back on the platform, in pursuit of the other. You think at that point it would be good to move, reposition yourself as far from the incoming train as possible.

When he rises from the tracks like a demon straight from hell, you realize it's the first time this loop that you've actually gotten a good look at him. You remind yourself, again, that this isn't the first time you've seen this man, this scene. You can't help but watch, but stare at Satoru Gojo as he stalks through the crowd in pursuit of his prey. His expression is an eerie sort of calm that's at odds with the acts of violence you've seen him commit— his eyes an unnaturally bright blue.

He's a terrifying sort of beauty and you can't help but be captivated by him.

An eight car train is pulling in. Please wait behind the yellow line.

The sound of the announcement sends your heartbeat into a frenzy, snapping you out of your little trance. The train is coming and you need to get moving. As you dart to the edge of the platform, the thought occurs to you that even if you avoid the initial wave of monsters, it's likely you will inevitably be caught by them and killed. It wouldn't be impossible for Satoru Gojo to turn his attention to them instead of the two he's currently facing, but he's just one man— can he truly defeat all those monsters?

You can see the train pulling in and you brace yourself, praying that it'll work out somehow.

The doors hiss open and the screaming starts again as the monsters come bursting out of the train, biting and mauling anyone they can get their hands on. Those who were lucky enough to not be at the front start to scramble away and the monsters give chase. Your body is taut, ready to try and dodge any that come your way.

Out of the corner of your eye you notice something moving through the air. A person? With blue hair? You take the risk to look— they're attacking Satoru Gojo. He tries to punch them but they fly away from him to dodge— disappearing into the crowd.

You hear a loud cracking sound over the cacophony of the crowd and your stomach twists; you know what that sound is. The roots above the atrium disintegrate and bodies from above start to rain down onto the platform.

And then, you're not sure what happens— it's so quick that you only manage to see what looks like an explosion of blood surrounding Satoru Gojo. Corpses litter the ground around him and even from here you can tell he is shaken by the carnage.

The monsters have finally reached where you're standing, and you duck under one as it lunges at you. Although it's big and scary, you realize it's moving kind of slow. Right after it another one comes at you and you take a side step to avoid it; this monster is kind of slow too.

Maybe you can do this.

As soon as you think that a strange feeling courses through you. Every hair on your body feels like it's standing on edge and the voice in your head is telling you to look at Satoru Gojo. You don't understand why because you think he's the least of your worries right now, but you do it anyway.

He's in some sort of stance, one hand raised to his face, fingers bent in some kind of gesture. There's some sort of aura, oppressive and frightening emanating from his form.

Satoru Gojo is doing something.

You just can't tell what.

It’s October 31, 2018— Halloween in Shibuya.

And you are utterly confused.

Barring your first few loops when you weren't fully aware of what was happening, you have very distinct memories of how each of your previous iterations of this night have gone— of each and every one of your deaths. But for your last round, the last thing you remember was feeling the immense power radiating from Satoru Gojo's body, but that's it.

You do not remember dying.

In fact, you don't think you did.

And yet, here you are again, back at the start: it's 8:32PM and the monsters and strangely dressed man are standing on the subway tracks waiting for the arrival of Satoru Gojo.

You don't understand what's going on; you didn't die but you're still stuck in this damn loop. Up until now, your death has served as the trigger to restart the loop. It's not impossible that maybe you suffered a quick and painless death but you're almost certain that isn't the case.

Something else must have happened.

Something having to do with Satoru Gojo.

You have to find out what. If you don't, you won't know how to avoid it, and if you can't do that, then you really might spend an eternity stuck in this nightmare. And so you take great care to repeat the steps of your last round. You need to make sure to survive to the same point you made it to last time.

Miraculously, you do.

The moment you feel that sensation again, a prickling sort of feeling that envelops your entire body, your eyes are on Satoru Gojo— trying to figure out what the hell he's doing. His eyes are crazed with a desperate kind of focus. You see his mouth move— he's saying something. A spell? A prayer? A curse?

You don't know.

You do know.

Your brain feels like it's going to explode.

Again.

It’s October 31, 2018— Halloween in Shibuya.

Again.

You do not know how many times it's been the night of Halloween in Shibuya: you stopped counting around the hundredth loop. It feels like it's been a while since then. Or maybe it hasn't? You don't know any more.

What you do know is that this night ends up going one of two ways before you are forced to repeat it. Either you die, in some way, shape or form or something happens just after nine that forces you to reset. You still don't know what it is exactly; you only know that Satoru Gojo is responsible for it.

You do prefer it to dying— it's far less painful.

But if anything, you wish you could just die permanently and never have to repeat this night ever again.

Unfortunately, you know better.

The only good thing you’ve noticed about all of this is that you really do seem to keep waking up earlier and earlier. The last time you checked, it was at around 8:30. It might take hundreds of thousands of loops, but eventually you’ll certainly wake up early enough to avoid this damn entire mess.

But by the time that happens… will your sanity still be intact? Will you really be able to go back to a normal day to day life after living the equivalent of hundreds of years, repeating the same night over and over again? You don’t even know how you’ve managed to stay sane all this time and as much as you want to believe you could do it…

There has to be a breaking point.

For both your mind and this time loop.

If you’re lucky, you’ll reach the latter first.

There’s a dull ache in your head that feels foreign yet familiar. Your mind is foggy, all your thoughts hazy as you try to recall what the word for this feeling is.

Groggy.

It feels as if you’ve woken up from a nap and you blink the sleepiness away from your eyes. When was the last time you took a nap? It’s been a while… You think you maybe tried once or twice, but you were too nervous, too on edge. Awake or asleep, it didn’t matter because, either way, you were doomed to repeat this nightmare.

As you think this, you realize that something is different.

You’re used to how the start of each loop feels like waking up suddenly and abruptly and it becomes clear to you that you haven’t looped. This is completely uncharted territory.

You need to find out what’s going on.

The first thing you notice is that it’s quiet. Almost eerily so, especially when the last thing you remember was screaming and chaos. You glance around you and find that it looks like all the monsters from the train are dead, the ground littered in their bloodstains and corpses. There were so many of them, you don’t know how someone could have wiped them out so quickly… Could it possibly have been Satoru Gojo’s doing?

More concerning than the complete eradication of the monsters is the fact that nearly everyone else on the platform is standing stock still, their mouths ajar with blank expressions on their faces. It’s almost as if their souls have completely vacated their bodies…

Were you like that too before you woke up?

You hear voices, and your body immediately goes tense as you turn your head in their direction. A little ways ahead of you, you see a man dressed as a monk conversing with the blue haired person from earlier and before them is—

Your heart nearly stops: it’s Satoru Gojo, restrained and on his knees.

Honestly, you can’t make heads or tails of the conversation they’re having; it’s more shounen battle manga nonsense. Satoru Gojo doesn’t seem to be enjoying their conversation either, and he interrupts them, clearly annoyed.

“Are we gonna do this or what?” he asks. “The view sucks and I’m just kinda bored.”

“I wanted to enjoy this sight for a little bit longer, but you are right,” the monk says. “I wouldn’t want anything to happen— gate, close.”

When he says that, Satoru Gojo’s restraints move, the weirdly shaped cubes at the ends of them closing in around him, trapping him in a giant red cube. It starts to shrink until it’s small enough to fit in the monk’s hand.

You gulp and hope they don’t notice that you’re awake. The fact that they haven’t slaughtered the rest of the people standing around you is a good sign, but you don’t want to find out what happens if they know you’re cognizant.

It’s not hard to play the part of a living statue, especially when you compare it to everything else you’ve had to suffer through on this night. You watch as the monk’s allies, the ones who had attacked everyone on the platform, wake up, but before they can do or say anything, the box holding Satoru Gojo slips through the monk’s fingers and makes a dent in the concrete. The look on the monk’s face makes it clear that it’s a problem he wasn’t expecting.

You don’t know a damn thing about Satoru Gojo, but you feel like this kind of thing is the norm for him.

The blue haired person suddenly looks in your direction and you nearly stop breathing. Have they noticed you? It takes everything in you to keep perfectly still, in hopes that maybe they didn't, that maybe they’re looking at something else. They raise their arm and it extends, their hand acting like some kind of projectile. You almost shut your eyes and brace yourself for impact, but their hand flies upwards and hits something on the ceiling, destroying it.

Inwardly, you breathe a sigh of relief— you’re still safe.

For now.

You listen to their following conversation and while you still don’t fully understand everything, it’s clear they’re talking about what to do next since they’ve taken care of Satoru Gojo. Something having to do with someone named Yuji Itadori? The group seems split on what to do about him but it’s clear he’s their next target.

Eventually, everyone but the monk (you heard the blue haired person, who is apparently named Mahito, call him Geto?) runs off, probably to find this Yuji Itadori person. Once they’re gone, Geto speaks and, at first, you think he’s talking to you, but it becomes clear he’s addressing someone else. “Those cursed spirits are actually smarter than the two of you.”

“Give him back!” a voice hidden among the crowd hisses. Your blood runs cold at the sound. You recognize it; it’s one of the high school girls from the upper floor.

“We cooperated with you fully and kept dropping monkeys for you,” says another voice; it must be the other girl that was with her, the one who hung all those people.

“Now give us back Master Geto’s body like you promised!”

“Don’t toy with Master Geto any further than you have!”

You blink in confusion. Isn’t the monk named Geto? The way the girls are talking it sounds like they’re talking about someone else… Is it possible that the body is ‘Geto’ but the person they’re talking to is someone else possessing it? It sounds kind of crazy, but then again, so is every single thing you’ve experienced tonight.

Your suspicions concerning this ‘Geto’ are confirmed only seconds later as he says, “Now begone, or is it your desire to be killed by this body?”

One of the girls vows her revenge and you hear shuffling somewhere else in the crowd as they scurry away. Now you think it’s just you and whoever it is that’s puppeting Geto’s body. You see him plop down in front of the box (the prison realm, you think he’d called it) that’s holding Satoru Gojo.

“You can come out, you know,” he says after a while.

You freeze. The rest of the platform is completely silent. This time you think he might actually be talking to you.

“I know you’re there,” ‘Geto’ adds, his voice casual. “If you’re insistent on hiding, you should know that I’m not afraid of using whatever means necessary to smoke you out.”

Given everything his allies have done, there’s no doubt in your mind that he’s serious. You were hoping to hide out among the crowd until he decided to leave, but it looks like you won’t be able to now.

Looks like this loop is a bust after all.

Your heart starts to race as you weave your way through the crowd. In every single one of your loops, you were always treated like a bit character, never noticed or singled out by any of the major players of the night. Although this is your first time encountering this ‘Geto’ it’s clear to you that he’s involved with everything that’s happened here and honestly, you get the feeling he might actually be the mastermind behind the massacre.

That makes you even more nervous.

You come to a stop in the place where Satoru Gojo was once kneeling before he was put in that box. Now that you’re out in the open, ‘Geto’ looks you over with some sort of nonchalant curiosity.

“You’re…” he starts, sounding thoughtful, "not a sorcerer, are you?”

Sorcerer. You heard that term thrown around by him and his group a few times. It’s what they’ve been referring to their enemies as. It probably wouldn’t be smart to lie and say you are one; you get the feeling he’d see through your lie anyway. “I’m not.”

He hums. “How interesting.”

“...what do you mean?” you ask before you can help yourself.

“It’s just you have an abnormally large amount of cursed energy for a non-sorcerer,” he explains. “Though, I suppose that all just sounds like gibberish to you."

You nod and look down at the box lodged in the floor. It has eyes, big creepy looking eyes. "...are you going to do the same thing to me as you did to that man?"

He laughs, "...fortunately for you, the prison realm only holds one person at a time and I need him sealed away more than you."

"...does that mean you're going to leave him in there forever?"

"If I'm feeling nice, I might unseal him in a hundred years or so."

One hundred years? At this point, you've probably lived roughly that amount of time through your loops alone, but for Satoru Gojo… "Won't he die first?"

"Only if he decides to," 'Geto' says, looking completely and wholly unbothered. "Time doesn't doesn't flow in the box, so when I unseal him, he'll be the same as he was just now. Physically anyway. Who knows how deteriorated his mind will be after all that."

Time doesn't flow in the box.

The words echo in your mind over and over. Time doesn't flow in the box. In other words, that means time has stopped in the box, and if that's the case then—

"Anyway, rather than worry about him, shouldn't you be more worried about yourself?"

You look at 'Geto' and he's smiling at you, it's friendly, but ominous. There's no doubt what is going to happen next, though you had already resigned yourself to this iteration being a bust; it was only a matter of time.

Time doesn't flow in the box.

"I was thinking I might keep you around, even if you aren’t a sorcerer, your wealth of cursed energy would serve my plans well," he muses. "But… it would be too much trouble trying to teach you how to use it in time."

As he talks, you realize this is probably the first time your death is intentional— every other death you've suffered has just been a byproduct of the ongoing slaughter. You were just another casualty, a victim, never a target.

You're scared.

Even though you know that once he kills you, once you die, you'll just loop back to around 8:30 again. You'll be on the platform again. And you'll play out some sequence of events before you eventually die again. And again and again.

Time doesn't flow in the box.

"I'll be nice, though," 'Geto' says, raising a hand and another monster appears out of nowhere. You don’t even bother trying to figure out from where. It doesn’t matter, especially since this monster will surely be the one to end your life. "I'll make it painless."

"...I appreciate it," you say and close your eyes hoping that he's not lying about it.

Time doesn't flow in the box.

He didn't lie.

You die again.

It’s October 31, 2018— Halloween in Shibuya.

And you're trapped.

You don't know how and you don't know why, but you are stuck in a time loop— forced to suffer through the horrific events of the night before you die and begin it all again. It's been a long time since you stopped counting how many loops you've gone through, but if you had to guess, it's probably somewhere in the hundreds now.

You are so very tired.

But it doesn't stop. It won't stop no matter what you seem to do. You are stuck. You are trapped. You are doomed.

“Time doesn't flow in the box.”

Ever since that first loop where you heard whoever is possessing Geto's body say that, the words have been stuck in your head, playing on loop.

You finally realize why.

“Time doesn't flow in the box.”

It's 8:25PM when you wake up; that should be plenty of time.

You need to find Satoru Gojo.

After hundreds of loops you've come to a singular conclusion: you need to prevent him being sealed in the prison realm. You've witnessed it enough to know that you won't be able to do it alone; you'll need his cooperation.

You rush upstairs as fast as you can, ignoring the shiver that runs down your spine as you step onto the stairwell. According to your previous loops, Satoru Gojo arrives on the subway tracks at 8:40PM. With how crowded the upper floor is, you don’t know if you’ll have the time to intercept him and talk to him, but if you can at least figure out where to find him, then you can try and talk to him during a subsequent loop.

When you reach the fourth basement floor, however, you don’t know where you should even start. He’s pretty tall so you think you could spot him in the crowd, but… there are still so many people. It occurs to you that maybe it would be better to try and look from a higher vantage point so you head to the stairs that lead up to the third basement floor. You check your phone again. It’s 8:35PM; you need to hurry.

Luckily for you, you find him very easily on the third basement floor.

The only problem is that he’s in a hard to reach spot— squatting above a sign hanging over the crowd.

You check your phone again. It’s 8:38PM and he’s starting to move, presumably to meet with those waiting for him on the subway tracks. It’s good that you found him, but there’s no doubt about it.

You’re going to need more time.

The moment you wake up, you immediately bolt toward the stairs. It's taken many, many more loops, but you've finally brought the time you wake down to around 8:15. You're still not sure if it's enough time, but there's only one way to find out.

You barrel your way up to the next floor and zig zag through the crowd to get to the next flight of stairs. By the time you get to your destination, you're completely out of breath, your chest heaving as your lungs clamor for air. You’ve done this so many times, yet your body acts like it’s always the first. It sucks, but there’s nothing you can do about it. You slow to a brisk pace to catch your breath and check the time. It’s 8:27— a new record. Hopefully it’ll be enough.

The goal is to catch Satoru Gojo before he moves to his lookout point above the crowd. While not impossible, it would be difficult for you to follow him there. You eye the safety barricade that blocks off the area where he’ll be moving in just a few minutes warily.

Yes, getting over there would be extremely difficult.

You don’t want to think about it right now; you’ll deal with it when the time comes.

Especially since Satoru Gojo has now entered your field of vision.

Your heart starts to race at the sight of him and it feels like it’s beating a million times a second. There isn’t a lot of time. You need to talk to him, but your legs only wobble, your feet planted firmly to the ground. This is not good. You need to move. You need to move.

Finally, after what feels like both an instant and an eternity, your feet finally budge, propelling you in Satoru Gojo’s direction. The beating of your heart only grows louder as you make your way toward him, mingling with the single thought that’s echoing throughout your mind right now: will he even hear you out?

You need to make him.

“Excuse me!” The words nearly come out in a stutter as you realize that you are actually talking to Satoru Gojo. You have watched this man at a distance for so long that it almost felt like he wasn’t real, like he was just another fixture in this nightmare that you’ve been living for far too long. And yet, here he is, right in front of you, in the flesh.

And his attention is on you.

All sound stops: the crowd around you, the thoughts in your head, the beat of your heart. Even though you cannot see them through that blindfold of his, you know that Satoru Gojo’s eyes are on you and the thought of that, the knowledge of it is actually a little overwhelming. Your mouth is dry and suddenly you don’t know what to say, but you need to say something. You need to say something before he thinks maybe you bumped into him by accident and just walks away without a word.

“I need to talk to you!” The words just burst out from your mouth and something about it is just absolutely embarrassing. You’re not sure if it's desperation or the fact that you haven’t really talked to anyone other than the existence occupying Suguru Geto’s body in nearly forever.

Satoru Gojo’s lips slowly start to form a smile, “Oh, yeah?”

The sound of his voice makes your mind go blank. There’s something different about it right now; more playful, amused even. Maybe it’s because he’s talking to you, a harmless human being and not a monster trying to kill him. It’s almost kind of jarring, but you know, with certainty, what Satoru Gojo’s voice sounds like. And the fact that he’s actually talking to you right now has you kind of excited. You nod, doing your best to not show how thrilled you are that he’s not ignoring you.

He hums thoughtfully, “Sorry… but unfortunately I kind of have some business to attend to right now.”

“I—” You start to say that you know that he’s headed down to the platform below to fight with…Choso and Jogo, you think their names are— you don’t know the name of the monster with the branches for eyes. “It’s— it’s really important!”

Gojo tilts his head a little, clearly thinking. You should probably say something else, something to try and convince him to stay a little longer and hear you out, but your mind is both full and blank. Where do you start? From the beginning? Or do you start with what is most important? Maybe you should say what you think will get his attention. You’re not sure, and you realize you really should have thought about this earlier because you’re running out of time right now.

“...mind handing me your phone?”

You stare at Gojo, completely and wholly confused, but he just holds out his hand expectantly. When you don’t move, he wiggles his fingers a little, a silent gesture telling you to hurry it up. Without thinking, you reach into your bag and unlock your phone before handing it to him.

“Kind of sucks that cell service isn’t working right now,” he remarks as he types something into your phone before handing it back. “But! Here's my number.”

You look down at your phone and, sure enough, Satoru Gojo has added himself as one of your contacts. He’s even added a little star to the end of his name. That’s… a little unexpected. Why his number though?

“Are you… hitting on me?” you mutter in your confusion.

He laughs, “Well, you said you had something really important to talk to me about, right? So just give me a call when you get home or some time tomorrow and we can talk then!”

You’re not going to make it home, or even to tomorrow, and neither will Satoru Gojo. As you start to tell him this, he steps past you. Desperate, you try to grab him, but somehow, for some reason, you can’t. You remember he did this with Jogo and the other monster, made himself untouchable.

This is not good.

He gives you a little wave, cheery as he says, “I’ll talk to you later!”

You watch, helpless as he hops over the barricade beyond your reach.

Gripping your phone tightly, you take a deep breath. It's fine, it's not like you didn’t expect things to go well anyway.

You'll just have to try again.

Every time you’ve tried to solicit help from Satoru Gojo, it has gone the same way. He just won’t give you the time of day, and in some ways you can’t blame him; he’s clearly here to deal with the monsters down on the platform. You’re fairly certain that he probably thinks that whatever is going on with you is a much lesser issue in comparison.

Plus, it probably doesn’t help that in the times that you’ve approached him, you haven’t been able to articulate yourself particularly well. Once you start talking to him, you just get hit with something akin to stage fright and the connection between your mind and your mouth just stops working. It’s gotten better with each attempt, but…

It’s just so frustrating.

It is interesting that Gojo has given you his number every time, star symbol and all. You’re not sure what kind of person you were expecting him to be, but after witnessing him literally and viciously rip monsters apart, you’d figured he’d be a little more somber. However, in the fragmented conversations you’ve had with him he’s come off as far more friendly and playful than you would have thought. Is he the type of person to get more serious when the situation calls for it? You can’t help but wonder, but ultimately, it doesn’t really matter.

What really matters is that you’re able to convince him to help you.

You have to convince him.

“Excuse me!” you say, stepping in Satoru Gojo’s path. You don’t stutter this time, and your voice is more sure. This is good.

“Yes?”

His head turns in your direction and you gulp. Gojo’s gaze, despite that blindfold of his, still feels just as overwhelming as it did the very first time you approached him. You have no doubt that he’s sizing you up, but there’s just something about it that makes you feel like you’re being picked apart.

You take a deep breath and step closer to him, hoping your voice sounds firm enough as you say, “I need your help. I’m trapped.”

He chuckles a little, “I know, but yours truly is on his way to go beat up the bad guys keeping you all trapped here, so soon enough you’ll be all free to go on your merry little way.”

Right. You were so caught up in your own plight that you nearly forgot that technically you’re not the only one ‘trapped.’ Satoru Gojo obviously knows that everyone else is confined to this station, but you doubt he knows that you’re confined to this night alone.

“That’s not what I mean!” you sputter.

“Then what do you mean?” Gojo asks. Should you tell him that you mean that you’re trapped in a time loop? You’re honestly not sure— in the movies and manga you’ve read about time travel, revealing that sort of thing risks creating a time paradox which seems to be a bad thing. If you have to tell him, you will, but— “Oh, I get it.”

You stare, bewildered. Did you maybe just spew all of that aloud?

Gojo gives you a mischievous smile. “You’re hitting on me, aren’t you?”

“No!” The word comes flying out of your mouth. You can’t deny he’s attractive— you’ve thought it all this time, but that is not what’s happening here.

“No need to be embarrassed,” he continues, ignoring you. “I totally get it, so if you want, I’d be happy to give you my number!”

Again? You’ve received Satoru Gojo’s contact details in every loop you’ve talked to him, star symbol and all— you even have his number memorized. There’s something kind of odd about how he keeps giving you his number. Part of you wonders if he’s got some sort of ulterior motive, but you haven’t thought too deeply about it. There are way more important things going on.

“I don’t need your phone number,” you say. “I need to talk.”

Your response seems to give Gojo pause. Did you somehow manage to get through to him? No way. Your suspicions are all but confirmed when he gives you that familiar apologetic smile.

“Like, I said, I’m sort of in the middle of something, but…” Gojo reaches into his pockets and rummages around until one hand fishes out a folded up piece of paper. The other hand keeps digging around in his pocket and when Gojo seems to give up on whatever he’s looking for, he turns his attention back to you. “Got a pen?”

What?

Gojo tilts his head. “Well?”

“I do, but…” You trail off, unsure why he’s asking.

He holds out his hand waiting for you to just hand him the pen. You still don’t get it, but you reach into your bag’s front pocket and pull out the pen and hand it to him. Gojo looks almost like an excited child when he takes it from you, quickly scribbling something onto his paper before shoving it and your pen back into your hand.

You look at the paper; it looks like a receipt. For a disturbing amount of mochi that Gojo bought earlier today. The amount of money he spent is almost sickening; way too much to be paying for mochi. More importantly, you notice something juxtaposed over the receipt’s print.

It’s Satoru Gojo’s name and number.

He even drew a little star next to his name.

“If you change your mind later, just give me a call!” he tells you cheerily. “I promise I’ll make it worth your while!”

You gawk at him. He cannot be serious. You literally just told him that you didn’t need it and yet he still gave it to you. He must want you to contact him later, but you can’t even begin to understand why. It can’t have been something you said or did, right? Unless, he’s actually—

“Later!” Gojo’s voice cuts through your thoughts and you notice him walking off with a wave.

You can’t let him get away.

Again.

You crush the receipt in your hand and rush after him. Despite the crowd, Gojo seems to move through the people with ease and it almost seems like they are yielding to him naturally. It’s good for you. Makes him easier to chase.

“Wait!” you yell, but Gojo doesn’t even look back. Bastard. Your muscles strain as you try to run faster. You know you won’t be able to grab him if you get to him, but there has to still be something you can do to stop him. Circle around him? Cut him off before he—

Satoru Gojo reaches the barricade.

“Wait!” you yell again. “Satoru Gojo, wait!”

He does not even acknowledge you.

You’re almost there though. Almost. If you reach out your hand, then maybe, maybe you can grab him. Something in your head tells you that it’s useless; you’ve never been able to touch him. But, you don’t care, you don’t care because you have to try. You stretch out your hand, desperate and hoping, but just as you do, Gojo effortlessly jumps over the barricade, moving to survey the crowd.

Due to your momentum, you almost collide into the barricade, but you manage to stop yourself. You stare at Satoru Gojo through the glass. He watches the crowd for at most three minutes. Is this just another bust? Is there really nothing you can do? There must be a way you can get his attention. Is it possible to climb over the barricade? No, it’s too high. There’s nothing you can grasp onto or use as footing either.

This fucking sucks.

Another minute or two and Gojo will be on the move again, and there will be no way you can follow, no way you can get his attention. You press your hands against the glass, pushing against it. Naturally, it doesn’t budge. Why would it? If only you could get it out of the way. If only you could break it. This stupid barricade is the only thing between you and Satoru Gojo and there’s no way you can climb it, but if only you could break it.

If only you could fucking break it.

Suddenly, the glass feels warm. Satoru Gojo’s image starts to look a little distorted as the warmth beneath your fingers grows. Something is happening. The glass starts to vibrate and shake. Violently. The tremors grow stronger and stronger. You should stop. You should back away.

You don’t.

The barricade starts to crack and fracture and soon the sound of shattering glass resounds throughout the entire room. Everyone starts screaming. No one knows what’s going on— not even you. But you don’t care. It’s gone. The barricade is gone.

You take a step forward, toward Satoru Gojo. He’s on a beam that’s about a two meter drop from where you’re standing. That’s fine. That’s okay. You can make it. You have to. Without a second thought, you jump—

And you land on the beam. You look up and Satoru Gojo’s attention is back on you. He’s finally, finally turned toward you, face twisted into an expression you can’t decipher or even comprehend, but—

Something’s wrong; your world is turning on its axis, but—

Satoru Gojo is looking at you, and—

Up is very quickly becoming down, and—

Satoru Gojo is coming closer, but—

You’re slipping—

But he’s right there, and—

You’re falling, but—

He’s trying to catch you, but—

It’s too late. It’s too late.

The last thing you think you feel—

—is Satoru Gojo’s arms around you.

It’s October 31, 2018— Halloween in Shibuya.

And you are causing a commotion.

“Shit! Fuck!” you curse loudly. The people near you start to shift away but you barely notice; you don’t really care.

You were so close, so fucking close and yet… yet here you are again. It’s quarter past eight and you are back on the goddamn platform. You don’t know what happened; you remember falling and thinking you were going to die, but you are absolutely certain that, once again, this time, you didn’t die.

Is Satoru Gojo at fault again? Did he do something? Like he did all those other times you looped without dying? When you think about it more, you don’t think so. You don’t know what happened; all you know is that you tried to get to him, but you slipped.

And he caught you, you definitely remember that.

You still don’t understand why you looped, but there’s not much you can do about it now; it’s not like you can go back anymore. It just sucks, because you think he might have actually listened if you’d talked to him.

Or he would have come after you for… whatever happened with the barricade. It could have been taken as an attack on the crowd… But if he thought you were doing that, then why would he catch you?

You don’t know.

All you know is that you have to try again.

The only problem is that you don’t know how you managed to shatter the barricade. You think about it as you make your way up to where you’ll find Satoru Gojo. There is the possibility that it wasn’t you and something else happened to it instead, but that feels way too coincidental. It had to be you. That’s the only thing that makes sense. You just can’t figure out how you did it outside of wanting, wishing, praying for the barricade to break. It’s not like you have supernatural powers like Satoru Gojo and his enemies.

Despite your mind being completely and wholly occupied by trying to figure out how in the world you managed to break through that barricade, you still manage to make it to the second basement floor of Shibuya Hikarie by 8:25PM— a brand new record. Satoru Gojo doesn’t show up until around 8:34PM, so that gives you almost ten minutes to try and figure out what you need to do to try and replicate shattering the glass barricade again.

Except—

Except Satoru Gojo is already here.

The thought that maybe you’re mistaken flashes in your mind before it’s quickly dismissed; there’s no way you’d mistake anyone else for him. There is absolutely no denying it: that is Satoru Gojo. Bewildered, you double check the time on your phone. Maybe you misread it and you’re actually late but sure enough you read it right— Satoru Gojo is here early.

What the hell is going on?

Of the thousands of times you have experienced this night, this hell, this sort of thing has never happened before. Everything happens at a specific time, as if adhering to an unseen schedule. It’s likely that what happened in your last iteration did delay Satoru Gojo’s arrival onto the platform, but other than that there has never been a deviation to the time table.

And yet, here Satoru Gojo is, nine minutes early now.

You realize that that’s not the only thing that’s strange: he’s not moving. In previous rounds, when you encounter Gojo here, he’s walking to the lookout spot beyond the barricade. But, right now, he’s just standing there, hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket. It almost looks like he's waiting for something.

Or someone.

This unexpected turn of events has you rooted to the spot. You’re not sure what you should do. No. This shouldn’t change anything. You need to talk to him. As concerning as a change like this is, the extra time it gives you should be a good thing. Despite knowing that, your feet are still firmly planted to the ground.

The crowd shifts and you see Satoru Gojo start to move. Toward the barricade? No. He’s not heading in his usual direction, rather he’s—

You stop breathing.

He’s headed toward you.

All sound stops: the crowd around you, the thoughts in your head, the beat of your heart. Even though you cannot see them through that blindfold of his, you know that Satoru Gojo’s eyes are on you and the thought of that, the knowledge of it is absolutely mind numbing.

He comes to a stop before you, lips curled up to form an amused sort of smile as he says, “Soooo, you needed to talk to me?”

You try to answer but no words come out of your mouth. Are you dreaming? You have to be, right? There's no way that this is actually happening. Could it be that, after thousands of loops, you’ve finally lost it? Your mind shattering along with the glass of the barricade at the end of the last one?

Gojo tilts his head, indicating that he's still waiting for an answer. When you open your mouth, at first, nothing comes out, the words stuck in your throat. You force them out, your voice cracking, “...how did you know?”

He smiles, looking almost mischievous as he reaches up and lightly taps the side of his head. “I remembered, of course!”

All you can do is stare at Satoru Gojo. He remembered? How is that possible? From his perspective, this is the first time you’ve met and while it shouldn’t be possible for him to remember there’s something in your mind that’s keeping you from completely dismissing the possibility.

Gojo laughs, “I take it from the look on your face that you’re not used to this sort of thing happening. Is this the first time?”

“No.” The fact that the word is out of your mouth before you can even really think about it surprises you and you really have to think. Your face scrunches together as you try to remember. Is this really not the first time? Then, the memories assault you, overlapping as they replay simultaneously in your head— a woman in a yellow and white magical girl costume— begging you for help as she burns to death— smiling as she tells you she made her costume herself. “...it happened just once a long time ago.”

“‘A long time ago,’ huh. Sounds like you've been at this for a while now.”

“...unfortunately.”

Gojo hums. “So when you said you didn’t need my phone number…”

“You’d already given it to me a few times,” you say, figuring that’s where this conversation is going.

“Really now?”

Does he not believe you? Or is he just being an ass? You’re not sure, but since you had taken the liberty of memorizing Satoru Gojo’s phone number you recite it back to him to prove your point.

Just when you think you may have stunned Gojo into silence he starts to laugh, obviously finding something funny about the fact that you know his cell phone number. “Seems like you've got quite the fascinating technique there.”

Technique? What is he talking about? Your confusion must be plain on your face because he adds, elaborating, “The time travel.”

You continue to stare at him. You don't think you'd consider what you've been going through time travel, because traveling implies moving from point A to point B, but you've been stuck walking in circles at point A for a long time. What really gets you is… “What do you mean by ‘technique?’”

“You mean you don’t— oh. I get it; no wonder you’re trapped.”

That does not answer your question in the slightest. “Can you please explain what you're talking about? What do you mean by ‘technique?’”

“Right, right… So basically, a technique is like a special sort of power,” he finally explains. “Like I said, your technique seems to be a kind of time travel. Whenever you activate it, your mind is sent back in time.”

What he's saying makes sense, but… “How come you were sent back too?”

He laughs again. “Isn't it obvious? Think back to before— do you remember that I caught you as you were falling?”

You nod slowly. The memory of his arms around you is almost embarrassingly vivid. “...is it because we were touching?”

“Ding, ding, ding! That's correct! Anyone you happen to be touching when you activate your technique gets affected by it too!”

Something about his tone annoys you, but you try to ignore it. He could have just told you rather than make you guess. “How do you know that for sure?”

“Well,” he continues. “You’ve done your little time loop a bunch of times, right? If your technique affected everyone, or even a few people in a select range you would have noticed for sure. And if it affected only just you then we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now, now would we?”

When you think about it, you do think that the woman in the magical girl costume might have bumped into you before the loop where she remembered.

“That’s honestly just conjecture, but I've got pretty good eyes, so I’m hardly ever wrong.”

Gojo gives you a grin and while you do think that his reasoning is sound enough his confidence is a little grating. More than that, though, you’re glad that this conversation is actually going really well.

“Either way,” he says thoughtfully. “It doesn’t look like you can control your technique. Usually a person’s technique manifests when they’re a kid, but you seem to be a special case… in fact, I bet your technique activated for the very first time tonight— probably under some pretty extreme circumstances, too.”

“...dying counts as an ‘extreme circumstance,’ right?”

“Oh, absolutely. Or legitimately thinking that you’re gonna die, but it seems like your body has been unconsciously activating your technique as a sort of defense mechanism. Which is why you’re trapped.”

“So, if I could control it I’d be able to make it out of this time loop.”

“Yeah, but in this case it probably wouldn’t end very well for you,” he points out with a chuckle. “It’s not like you actually want to die, right? I mean, if you did, then your technique wouldn’t even activate in the first place.”

You don’t; what you want is for this night to finally end. To be free from the endless cycle of dying over and over again and again. You don’t think death is quite the answer; even if you were to learn how to control this supposed technique of yours, there’s no guarantee that you would just unconsciously activate it when the grim reaper comes knocking on your door. No, the answer is…

“Anyway!” Gojo’s cheery voice cuts through your thoughts. “I highly doubt that you’re the type that makes a habit of jumping off ledges for the funsies, so the fact that you’ve been dying tells me that some pretty gruesome stuff is about to go down, so, tell me what happens tonight.”

The sudden drop of his voice sends a shiver running down your spine. If it weren’t for the fact that you’ve seen how serious Gojo can get, the sudden shift in demeanor would probably freak you out a bit, but it doesn’t. This is the Satoru Gojo you’re familiar with.

You do have one concern though. “That… won’t create a time paradox or anything, will it?”

“Nah,” Gojo shrugs. “You wouldn’t cause one with the way your technique works, besides, if you’ve only been going back at most an hour or two in time it’s hard to believe you’d be making a really big impact… unless you really believe in the butterfly effect.”

You’re still not quite sure.

“Trust me, it’ll be fine.”

His voice sounds strange. Gentle. Kind. It's the most soothing thing you've heard in a long time and it makes you want to believe him.

“...okay.”

Anxiety is still gripping at you, but you try to dispel it, taking a deep breath before beginning your explanation. For the sake of brevity, it’s probably best that you’re as concise as possible. There isn’t much need to really get into the nitty gritty of things unless he asks specifically.

Naturally, you begin with his arrival onto the platform and how soon after a fight breaks out and how the crowd is unfortunate enough to be involved. Gojo’s expression is passive for the most part, but he does crack the faintest hint of a smile when you mention how he manages to eviscerate one of the monsters.

It disappears once you tell him about the arrival of the train. Between the dozens upon dozens of people being dropped onto the platform by those two high school girls and the hoard of monsters disembarking from the train, everything devolves into pandemonium.

“Wait,” Gojo holds a hand up and you pause. This is his first interruption since you started recounting the night’s events for him. “Everyone is able to see the monsters?”

You stare at him. What a weird question. “...yeah?”

His mouth twists and it looks like he’s thinking about something. You can’t even begin to imagine what. Finally, he comments, “Makes sense.”

It does not, but you don’t ask him to elaborate. Surely if it was important he would have just done so.

“Anyway, in the middle of all that, you… you do something.” Your brows bunch together as you remember the stance Gojo took, the crazed and desperate look in his eyes, the feeling of your head about to explode. “I don’t know how to describe it. At first, it would just force me to… activate my technique, I guess. But now, it just knocks me out for a few minutes.”

Gojo frowns and he rubs at his chin, obviously thinking about what you’ve said. Eventually, he raises a hand and bends his fingers into a familiar gesture. It’s the one that preludes whatever he does on the platform. “Do I do this?”

“Yeah.”

He hums. “Interesting.”

You wait to see if he’ll explain. He doesn’t. Great. Even if he doesn’t think you need to know, it certainly would be nice to. It’s annoying otherwise, but you ignore the feeling and continue. “I can’t tell you what happens when I’m knocked out, but when I come to everyone is basically a zombie and all the monsters from the train are gone. I think you kill them.”

“I probably do,” he says casually. “But what about Volcano Head?”

“...you don't…get a chance to kill him,” you say slowly. Gojo tilts his head, waiting for you to elaborate, but you hesitate. You have to tell him, you know you do, but…

You have seen the interaction so many times and though you don't know the exact nature of the relationship between them, you can tell that seeing Suguru Geto (or rather seeing his body) shook Satoru Gojo to his very core.

There's no doubt in your mind that he will not take this news well.

“Come on now,” Gojo's tone is light-hearted, unaware. “Don't keep me in suspense here.”

It's as if you're withholding the punchline to a joke. In a way, you suppose you are, but you don't think he's going to find it funny.

You take a deep breath. You need to tell him. The worst thing that could happen is that he doesn't believe you, but if that's the case… you'll probably just end up repeating this all again until you find a loop where he does.

Having made it this far, you'd like to avoid all that.

“Before you can get Volcano Head you get restrained by something called the prison realm,” you say slowly, “by someone calling themselves… Suguru Geto.”

The second the name leaves your mouth, there is a clear and obvious shift in the air. Gone is Gojo’s laid-back and frivolous demeanor, replaced with something more somber and almost frightening. The tension grows more and more palpable to the point that you think it might almost choke you.

You almost wish that it would.

“You can’t be serious,” Gojo finally says, once your words have fully sunk in.

“I—” You start to speak, but come to an abrupt stop when you see him shove his hand into his pocket to yank out his phone of all things.

The both of you know full well that there’s no reception here, but you don’t think that he’s planning on making any calls. Gojo scrolls and scrolls on his phone before he stops and shoves the screen in your face. It shows a picture of three people— a teenage girl with a cigarette in her mouth, a younger, happier version of Gojo sporting a pair of round sunglasses and—

“When you say ‘Geto’ is this who you’re referring to?” Gojo demands, using his other hand to point at the third person in the frame— a handsome young man with long dark hair pulled up into a bun.

“Yes, but—”

“That’s impossible. It can’t be him,” Gojo interrupts, his voice firm, cold even. “He’s dead.”

There’s a note of finality in his words that is definitely meant to leave no room for argument. It doesn’t stop you, though. Instead, you glare at Gojo’s stupid blindfold and say, “...being dead doesn’t mean a damn thing! I’ve died hundreds of times and yet I’m still fucking here, but—”

“Your situation is different,” he interjects, the temperature of his tone hiking up, his words like heated hissing. “I killed him almost a year ago. There's no way—”

“You didn't get rid of the body properly!” You cut him off, raising your voice in hopes that he'll take even just a second to stop and listen. It seems to work and you add something you remember ‘Geto’ saying. “You should have had Shoko Ieiri get rid of it, but you didn’t and now some… some kind of gross brain thing is possessing the corpse!”

The air between you both is silent as the grave. Though you can't see it, you can feel the weight of his gaze pressing down on you. He’s definitely having second thoughts about everything you’ve said so far. There’s a chance he might even think you’re his enemy now. You stare him down though, refusing to look away. You’ve made it this far, you can’t— you won’t back down.

“...you’re not lying, are you.” Gojo’s words are more of a statement than a question. There’s no doubt in your mind that he knows the answer, and yet he’s still asking. You wonder if maybe he’s clinging onto some vain hope that maybe, just maybe this all a sick, cruel joke that’s gone way too far.

“I’m not.”

Gojo holds your gaze for a second longer before he lets out a curse. “Fuck!”

“...I’m sorry,” you say quietly, mostly because it feels like the most correct thing to say at this moment. You don’t know the whole story, but it seems like they were close. If so, then it must have hurt Gojo a lot to have killed him, and must hurt even more to know that someone is desecrating the body. You hate that you, a complete and utter stranger, happened to be the person to tell him, but…

It had to be done, for the sake of getting past this unending night, it had to be done.

Gojo runs a hand through his hair and lets out a ragged sigh. “Okay. What happens after that?”

You give him a rundown of what follows; he gets sealed, the monsters wake up and all but ‘Geto’ leave in search of their next target. When you mention the high school girls demanding the brain give Geto’s body back, Gojo snorts loudly.

“Fat chance of that,” he says derisively.

You nod in agreement. It was clear to you that the brain parasite has no intent on giving it up any time soon. “After they leave, he… talks to me.”

“Probably couldn't ignore all that cursed energy you have,” Gojo remarks offhandedly.

You stare at him, expression twisted in a way that shows that you have absolutely no clue what that means. It should be fine for you to ask this one question; it actually concerns you after all. “What does that even mean?”

“Exactly what it sounds like, though… probably doesn't make much sense to you, does it?”

You give him a pointed glare and all Gojo does is laugh.

“Just think of it like having a lot of MP.”

“...Like in a video game?”

“Exactly!” Then, Gojo tilts his head, clearly thinking. You don't bother asking; you don't feel like he'll explain.

“He does ask me if I'm a sorcerer, whatever that is. Is that why?”

“Probably. Ordinary people don't have even a fraction of the energy you're packing.”

‘Ordinary people’ he says as if you’re not an ordinary person who got caught up in all this supernatural sorcery bullshit. Or at least you were, but if the time loops are really a product of your own doing…

“Does he kill you when you answer?” Gojo asks to get the conversation back on track.

“Not right away. What happens next kind of varies,” you answer. “He usually lets me have a question or two before he kills me; I've asked him a couple different things.”

“Really taking advantage, aren’t you?” Gojo says and you're not sure what to make of his tone. Is he mocking you or is he easing back into that laid-back persona of his?

“If I’m doomed to repeat the same situation over and over, I might as well make the most of it,” you respond flatly.

“You know, your technique kind of reminds me of save scumming.”

He’s definitely gone back to acting almost completely unserious— all signs of his earlier agitation are nearly gone.

“So what did you learn?”

“Well, the prison realm only holds one occupant. Once they’re sealed, time stops for them and the only way out is if the bearer unseals them or if they choose to kill themselves.”

“I see… And what about our body jacker?”

“He didn’t go into detail but he said something about… striving toward the evolution of mankind?” You frown a little at the memory. He didn’t explain further because he said that you wouldn’t understand.

“Huh. Interesting. Wonder how he was gonna go about doing that.”

“I don't know, but I can't imagine you'd like it since he goes out of his way to seal you into that box,” you say. “Said you’d get in the way because you’re too strong.”

Gojo shrugs his shoulders and grins a little. Cocky. “Well, I am the strongest sorcerer around, you know.”

You would think him overconfident if you hadn't seen the magnitude of his strength first hand.

“Anyway, that's as far as I ever go. When he's decided he’s done talking to me, he kills me and I loop back.”

“So, in short, what you want help with is getting past that point, right?”

“More or less.”

“And all I have to do is avoid getting caught by the prison realm?”

You nod.

“What’s it look like?” he asks. “A big cage with a bunch of metal bars?”

Now that you think about it, you haven’t woken up early enough to see it before it traps him, but you can’t imagine it looks that much different. “No.. It’s a small box with eyes… It gets big enough to fit you in it, though.”

“Huh.” He stretches his arms out above his head as if he’s trying to emphasize how large he actually is and shoots you a grin. “Should be easy enough then. I bet our body snatcher used the shock of seeing Suguru to trap me but since I'll see it coming, avoiding it'll be a piece of cake.”

Gojo makes it sound so easy, and maybe it really is as simple as that, but you can't help but be worried still.

“Don't tell me you don't think I can do it,” he says, tilting his head.

“It's not that,” you admit. “I'm just concerned I might die before we can get to that point.”

Truthfully, since you know that will just result in another loop you're less concerned with dying itself and more worried about losing the progress you've made in convincing Gojo to help you. Even though it's been clearly proven you can loop him as well, there's no guarantee you'll be able to make the physical contact needed to do it upon death.

“You've made it pretty far on your own, though, right?”

“Yeah, but… I’ve messed up plenty of times.” More than you can even count. “There's also the possibility that taking the time to talk to you might have thrown things out of whack.”

Speaking of time, you check your phone. It's 8:39PM. You curse.

Gojo leans over to check your phone. “Let me guess, I'm supposed to be somewhere right now.”

“Yeah, this is when you’re descending down onto the platform.”

“You know where I am down to the exact minute?” He asks and you tilt your head back and forth a little. It’s not exact per se, but it’s close enough. Gojo chuckles a little. “Man, I didn’t realize that you were actually that into me.”

That earns Gojo a glare from you, but he just laughs it off. “I doubt being a few minutes late is going to make a big difference.”

You certainly hope so.

“Don't worry,” Gojo says and you notice he's using that tone from earlier. “You won't die.”

It’s hard to argue with him when he uses such a reassuring sounding voice and yet, you still open your mouth to try— to voice your doubts, but what he says next silences you before you even can.

“I'll protect you.”

You think your heart stops beating in your chest and your words dissolve in your throat.

He grins at you. “Did you fall in love with me just now?”

That catches you a little off guard. You're willing to admit he's hot, but surely he must be joking. “How could you even think of something like that at a time like this?”

Gojo laughs again. “Well, since someone is so worried about their time table being all messed up, I better head down there; can’t keep Volcano Head and friends waiting, right?”

You blink. Is that it? “Wait, shouldn’t we make a plan or something?”

“Isn’t the plan for me to not get caught in the prison realm?”

Yes, but… “But what about me? Is there anything I can do?”

Gojo stares at you, or at least you think he does. “...I don’t know, is there?”

You’ve seen the encounter between Satoru Gojo and those monsters so many times and you try to picture a version of it where you intervene and… all you can see is yourself getting in his way. You’re no fighter, no… sorcerer, or whatever he is, you’re just some ordinary person that was unfortunate enough to get all caught up in this mess. The most you can probably do is kick the prison realm out of the way when the time comes, but otherwise… “...no, I guess not.”

His expression turns sympathetic. “You’ve done plenty by telling me everything that happens. So just wait up here, and let me handle the monsters.”

You almost nod. Almost. But then you remember what transpires up here above the platform. You know it sounds safer up here where you’re less likely to get involved in the carnage, but… “Wait, no, if I stay up here then I’ll fall to my death when those girls—”

Gojo laughs, interrupting you. “Don’t worry about that. It’ll be fine.”

“How?”

“Just trust me.”

“I…” It’s hard to. After everything you’ve gone through it’s hard to trust in anything, to believe in anything. Even though you’ve made it this far this time, the worry that something will go wrong and that you’ll have to do it all again still lurks in the back of your mind.

Despite all that, you want to believe.

You want to believe that you can make it past this unending night, that one day you’ll wake up and it’ll no longer be October 31, 2018. And the first step towards that is trusting in Satoru Gojo.

“...okay,” you say quietly. “Okay.”

Gojo chuckles then asks, “Anything else before I head off?”

You start to ask if there’s anything you should say, in case things don’t work out, but you stop yourself. You’re choosing to trust him, to believe in him— you can figure out that stuff later if things end up going south after all. So, instead you give him a smile and it feels a little weird because you don’t remember the last time you did. “Good luck!”

For a split second, Gojo looks almost surprised, but then he laughs again, beaming widely at you. He starts to move past you and reaches out to give you what you think is meant to be a reassuring squeeze of the shoulder and then he’s off. You turn to watch him go, the crowd, once again, parting almost naturally for him.

When he reaches the barricade, he pauses, raising his hand as if he’s giving you one last wave. Then he jumps over it onto his little perch and then less than a minute later he’s gone, descending to the platform below.

Now, all you can do is wait.

You check your phone again and it’s 8:44PM. If you remember correctly, the high school girls start threatening everyone right before 9PM. With Gojo’s arrival being shifted back almost five minutes, does that mean that they’ll be shifted back too? It would make sense, but you’re not too sure.

Out of habit, you keep checking your phone and at nearly 9PM, you hear the shrill voice of one of the girls over the crowd, commanding everyone to do what she says, her partner stringing up bodies until everyone listens. Everything plays out just as you remember it, which is mildly comforting, though you know that the events that happen up here are more or less independent from what happens below.

Surely, just as Gojo said, a few minutes aren’t going to change anything, but—

No.

You agreed to trust him. To trust that everything would be fine.

When the girls start to demand that as many people as possible climb onto the roots and vines covering the atrium your heart starts to hammer in your chest. In just a few minutes, all the foliage will disintegrate beneath you, and you and everyone else here will fall into the abyss below.

You are afraid.

There isn’t a single loop where you’ve really survived this fall. If you don’t die in midair, you die right after landing. It’s a death trap, and that’s why you’ve stopped coming up here. There’s a part of you, the part that knows what’s about to happen, that wants to try and run back onto stable footing. But you can’t, because you know if you do then the girls will kill you for sure; you have to stay.

It’ll be fine, you tell yourself, it’ll be okay.

You just have to trust Gojo.

An eight car train is pulling in. Please wait behind the yellow line.

You hear the announcement faintly below you. It’s almost time. You brace yourself and try to stay calm. Gojo said he would protect you, that you wouldn’t die. You don’t know how he intends to keep that promise, but all you can do is believe in his words.

It’ll be fine. It’ll be okay.

The vines and roots start to crack and the ground beneath you starts to give out. You squeeze your eyes shut as that sickening weightless feeling overtakes you. It occurs to you that this is actually quite literally a trust fall— will Satoru Gojo really be able to catch you?

As you fall, you realize almost instantly that something is different.

You’ve experienced this fall dozens of times and so, even though it has been a while since you’ve gone this route, you are very familiar with what it feels like. Something is different. You’re falling faster. The trajectory is changing. It’s like some force, other than gravity, is pulling at you.

Is this Gojo’s doing?

Just as your body collides with the ground you hear the sounds of mutilating flesh meld with the screams surrounding you. Blood and severed limbs litter the ground, but you try to ignore it. You need to focus on your own survival right now. Quickly, you scramble to your feet scan the area around you; you’re on the platform right now and right in front of you is—

Right in front of you is Satoru Gojo.

His back is turned to you, his focus currently elsewhere. Looking at him you realize you recognize this scene, though it’s much closer and at a different angle. He’s about to do that thing, that thing that knocks you out.

Something in you tells you to move closer to him, after all, he used his mysterious powers to deliberately bring you closer to him, right? You rush toward him and as you do something he said earlier pops up in your mind.

Anyone you happen to be touching when you activate your technique gets affected by it too!

Whatever he’s about to do… Is that his ‘technique?’ And if it is, would it work the same way as yours? If so, there’s only one way to find out: you need to touch him. You dodge monsters and other people as you run toward Satoru Gojo and—

A monster still manages to grab you, its large hands wrapping around your wrist. You try and yank it free, but it's much stronger than you are.

“Shit!” you hiss as the monster starts to pull you toward it and away from Gojo. What do you do? Your other hand is still free, should you try to punch it in the face? Or—

Before you can do anything, something blasts the monster’s head clean off. Shocked, you stare as the monster’s body slumps onto the ground, its grip loosening on you instantly. You whip your head around to find that while Gojo still has his back to you, his arm is bent back in your direction, his palm open as if he fired some invisible blast from it.

Then you feel it again, something pulling at you, but this time it's more forceful. Your body is yanked toward Gojo and the second you feel his hand press against you, you see him make that gesture with his other hand.

“Domain Expansion,” he whispers in a strained voice. “Infinite Void!”

Something happens and your vision flashes for a fraction of a second. And then—

The room is enveloped in an eerie stillness; all the violence and bloodshed coming to an abrupt stop. Monsters and humans alike stand like the living dead, unconscious with their eyes wide open as if they are staring into an infinite abyss. You recognize this scene, you’re familiar with it because it’s similar to the one you wake up to after being hit by Gojo’s ‘domain expansion.’ The only difference is the presence of the monsters, who are all but gone when you regain consciousness.

The pressure from Gojo’s hand is gone and he says to you, his voice still low. “If you’re squeamish when it comes to blood and gore, it might be best for you to close your eyes.”

And then he’s gone.

You do not take his advice. You do not close your eyes. How many loops were you unable to witness what’s about to unfold? A few hundred? A few thousand? And if all goes to plan, then you will never get another chance again: there’s no way you could possibly look away.

And what you see unfold before you is that Satoru Gojo was right.

He is the one to kill all the monsters.

It’s not as if you really had any doubt, after all, it seemed like the most logical conclusion to come to and yet…

There’s a difference between knowing and seeing.

All the violence resumes and the platform is engulfed in the sounds of carnage and slaughter once more. The lack of terrified screams makes everything more disconcerting— without them, all you can hear is the squelching echo of mangled flesh and blood splattering all over the place. You can’t really see him, but you can tell where Satoru Gojo is in the crowd as he leaves dozens upon dozens of decapitated heads soaring in his wake. Once or twice, he leaps out of the crowd and even from where you stand you can see the crazed glow of his inhumanly blue eyes as he massacres monster after monster.

Even though you don’t think you have anything to be scared of, you are still terrified: Satoru Gojo is no longer a man, but violence incarnate. You want to move closer to where Gojo gets trapped, but you’re afraid to. What if you get in his way? What if he kills you by accident?

Dying again when you’ve made it this far is definitely not ideal, but isn’t being killed by Gojo the best case scenario? Because then the two of you would probably loop together again and—

No.

Gojo said you wouldn’t die.

He said he’d protect you.

It’s hard to believe when he’s in the middle of a massacre, slaughtering monsters left and right, but you remind yourself yet again that you have to believe in him.

You take a deep breath and start moving, taking care to keep an eye on where Gojo is. You don’t know how long this is supposed to take, but you do know where he ends up when he’s just about done. The closer he gets to that spot, the sooner the prison realm will be unleashed upon him.

There’s a small group of zombified people nearby and you settle yourself among them. It’s not super close, but you think it's close enough that you'd be able to run over and kick the box away from Gojo if you have to. You do a quick survey to see if you can spot the body snatcher, but he's nowhere to be found. Hopefully, he hasn't noticed you moving around, or, if he has, he's more concerned with Gojo than he is with you. Given that you always seem to be the last thing he acknowledges, you'd like to think that he doesn't consider you a threat.

Which you're not, not really anyway.

The sounds of slaughter start to die down and you look to see Gojo approaching the spot where he gets caught. He looks beat, his eyes unfocused and his breathing heavy. You do another quick scan around him and notice a small box a few meters away from him, wrapped in what looks like paper charms or seals or whatever they're called. That has to be the prison realm— though it looks different than what you saw before. Gojo seems to notice it right after you do, his gaze honing in on it, examining it with some measure of bewilderment. Then, some invisible force slices through all the paper seals covering the box and it expands, the corners of the box floating up in midair to reveal what looks like a large sheet of dark red flesh with a large bloodshot eye stapled to the middle.

Disgusting.

If Gojo didn’t realize before, he seems to now, because he takes a step back, away from the grotesque thing. Good, good—

“Hey! Satoru!” Your blood runs cold at the sound of the body snatcher’s voice. He emerges from the crowd, smiling widely as he gives Gojo a wave. “Long time no see!”

Satoru Gojo’s entire body goes rigid. Shit. You told him, you warned him about what was going to happen, who he was going to see, but was that not enough? It’s possible that no amount of warning would have been enough to mentally prepare Satoru Gojo for the sight of the man he said he killed a year ago. After all, you know that there’s a stark difference between knowing and seeing. Even then, if Gojo doesn’t gather his wits and move now then he’s going to get caught and you can’t let that happen.

Your body moves before you can even think about it.

You scramble out from your hiding spot in the crowd and throw yourself in between Satoru Gojo and the prison realm. There’s no way you can kick it away from him now, not when it’s in this form, but maybe, if you get between them you can at least keep it from capturing him.

The eye quivers erratically, as it flits from Gojo to you. Every hair on your body stands on end as it watches you, the pupil dilating and contracting uncontrollably. You can’t look away from it, your own gaze fixed to your image reflected in the black abyss of the pupil. Something in the back of your mind tells you to stop, to get away, it’s dangerous, but you keep your feet firmly planted to the ground.

A second, or maybe even a minute passes and the prison realm shifts, its fleshy form morphing to restrain you.

The body jacker looks at you, his frown tinged with disgust. “Don’t you think you’re being rather rude by butting into what could have been a touching reunion?”

You scowl. Is he still trying to play the role of Suguru Geto?

He sighs and looks past you at Gojo. “Satoru, I thought bringing lesser sorcerers to fight alongside you was more trouble than it was worth?”

You hear Gojo snort from behind you, “It is… but this person here isn’t a sorcerer… Just like you aren’t Suguru Geto.”

The faker almost pouts and presses his hand to his chest as if Gojo's words have wounded him. “Satoru, I’m hurt, how could you say such a thing to your best friend?”

“Cut the bullshit,” Gojo snarls. “You can’t fucking fool me. You might be in Suguru’s body but I know with all my heart and soul that you’re not him.”

The corpse snatcher stares at Gojo, expression blank before he sighs once more. Then, his gaze shifts back to you, his eyes narrowed as he looks at you with sheer disdain. It feels as if you’ve been drenched in ice cold water. There's no smile this time but you already know what's going to happen.

He’s going to kill you.

“I intended to deal with you later since you seemed harmless enough,” he says, raising a hand to summon a monster— the same one he always uses to end your life. “But you’re in the way. So, I think it’s for the best if I just get rid of you right now.”

Instinctively, you try to take a step back but the prison realm’s restraints keep you in place. Not that it would have mattered much, even in the loops where you’ve tried to escape the faker’s monster, it still kills you, too fast and too agile for an ordinary human like you to avoid. All you can do is squeeze your eyes shut and wait for the monster to kill you. At least, it’s always painless.

Something touches your back.

Your eyes shoot open.

Before you is the monster, wiggling and writhing only mere centimeters from your face. It gurgles and snarls at you, desperate to fulfill its master’s wishes and kill you but it doesn’t move any closer. You stare at it with wide eyes, unsure of what to do.

Someone behind you clicks their tongue— Gojo. You try to turn your head to look at him, but your movements are too limited, the most you can do is turn your head to the side. The sounds the monster is making start to change, sounding more frenzied, almost as if it’s in pain, and you flit your eyes in its direction just in time to see its entire body explode. The monster's guts and bright purple blood fly off in every direction, getting on the floor, the ceiling, the zombified bodies of the people unfortunate enough to be nearby, but not on you.

This is Satoru Gojo’s doing.

He steps in front of you, half turned towards you as he moves in between you and the body snatcher. His hands are shoved in his pockets as he loudly says, “Did you really forget about me?”

You’re not sure if he’s talking to you or the body snatcher.

Past him, the imposter scowls, raising his hand once more, probably to summon even more monsters, but Gojo’s quicker, and it almost looks like his eyes are glowing even brighter, the blue looking almost white as he whips his head in the faker’s direction. The sound of mangling flesh and breaking bones echoes throughout the room as Gojo, using that mysterious power of his, seems to break the faker’s arm.

The body snatcher hisses loudly and despite the fact that his face is twisted in very obvious pain, he tries to shoot Gojo a mocking smile. “Do you really think you can kill your best friend again?”

“I already told you,” Gojo turns to fully face the monster inhabiting Geto’s corpse. He tilts his head a little to the side and some force starts to squeeze at the faker’s neck. “You’re not Suguru.”

You hear a loud crack as Gojo telekinetically snaps his neck.

The head rolls onto the ground and you almost look away, but then you notice his eyes still moving, looking around. Is he still alive? Then you remember: the thing possessing Suguru Geto’s body was some kind of parasite. “Gojo! Wait! The brain!”

He reacts almost instantly, head turning and in an instant the skull is crushed and all that remains is red splotch on the ground.

You almost relax. Almost.

But the body is still standing.

Horrified, you watch as it quivers violently before falling to the ground. Then what looks like dozens of black spirits start to erupt from the corpse and the entire room is engulfed with a shrill howling.

What the hell is going on?

“Those must be all the cursed spirits he consumed,” Gojo explains uselessly, voice barely audible over the screaming. “Guess he was empty before.”

You don’t bother asking what he means. There are bigger problems right now. “What do we do?”

“No choice to exorcise them,” he answers plainly.

For him to exorcise them, he means. You both know that there’s not much that you can do. You still can’t move and honestly, you don’t even know if it’s possible to get out of the prison realm’s restraints. Not without dying. And if you die now…

Everything will have been for naught.

You’ll reset time and have to do this all over again— assuming you can even get to this point again.

There has to be something, you just have to think outside the box.

Or rather—

“Gojo!”

He glances back at you.

“You need to seal me in the prison realm!” you exclaim. He turns to face you fully, looking bewildered and you start to explain as fast as you can. “Those things are going to attack any minute right? I can’t move or try to hide and I can’t expect you to protect me the entire time and if I die then I’ll end up looping time again, but— but, if you seal me in the prison realm then that won’t happen.”

Gojo frowns, looking conflicted. “You don’t think I can do it?”

“Wouldn't it be easier if you didn’t have to?”

He tilts head and you think he’s conceding your point.

“Please,” you beg, staring at him desperately. “We don’t have much time. The other… cursed spirits will wake up soon too!”

You don’t have to explain that you mean Volcano Head and friends.

It takes only a second for Gojo to consider the very few options you have. “...how do you seal it? Do you know?”

“I think so,” you answer. “There’s no guarantee it’ll work but I think that if you say ‘prison realm, gate close’ it should seal me inside.”

If anything, it’s worth a shot.

Gojo nods. “Do you know how to break the seal?”

“I… don’t,” you confess. You never asked, and you don’t think the body snatcher would have told you even if you did. He only told you that it holds one and that…

That time doesn’t flow in the box.

“...you don’t have to break the seal.”

Gojo frowns, “Wait a sec—”

“Even if I make it past tonight… What if this all happens again? What if I inadvertently trap myself in another time loop?” you ask. “I… I don’t want to have to go through all of this again. It’s better for me in a place where time doesn’t pass.”

You don’t know for sure if it’ll be better, but right here, right now, it seems like the best option.

It feels like an eternity passes before Gojo says anything.

“...fine,” he agrees and you don’t quite know how to feel about it. The howling around you all grows louder. You wonder why the cursed spirits haven’t attacked yet. Maybe Gojo’s power is holding them at bay… for now anyway. You both know that he can’t ignore them forever.

“...before I do, though, mind if I ask you just one thing?”

You blink. “Not sure what I can do for you in this state…”

He laughs. “I just want to know your name.”

What an odd request. Though, now that you think about it, you don’t think that during this loop or any other loop really, you’ve ever told him your name. It only seems fair to tell him, since you’ve known his for longer than he’s known of your existence.

You tell him your name.

He nods, looking as if he’s committing to memory. Probably easier to remember than his phone number. “Any last words?”

You try to think of something. Nothing comes to mind and you just shake your head.

Gojo takes a deep breath, “Alrighty then… Prison realm, gate close.”

Just as it did the many times you’ve seen Satoru Gojo sealed away, the boxes and restraints around you vibrate a little before they start to close around you, growing large enough to fit your body as they approach.

You won’t see it, but once you’re inside the box will shrink and become small enough to fit in the palm of someone’s hand.

Will it be quiet inside?

In your final seconds, some words, some last words come to mind, and you say them, hoping that he hears them in time. “Thank you, Satoru Gojo.”

You burn the glittering glow of his brilliant bright blue eyes into your mind.

And then, everything is engulfed in an unending black.

It’s November 30, 2018— morning on the campus of Tokyo Prefectural Jujutsu High School.

Satoru Gojo strides through the school grounds, casually tossing a small silver box with eerie blue eyes known as the prison realm up and down in his grasp. Walking at his side is Shoko Ieiri, a pretty woman who’s been unfortunate enough to have been Satoru’s friend since high school.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Shoko asks, twirling a few strands of her long brown hair.

“What do you mean?” Satoru responds nonchalantly. “All my ideas are good ideas.”

Shoko hums in clear dissent, but doesn’t say anything more. Even she knows better than to try and waste her time trying to argue with Satoru. “I’m just worried about their mental state. Didn’t you say that time doesn’t flow in the box?”

“I’d be worried if it was some normal person,” Satoru says. “But after what they’ve gone through I think they’ll be fine.”

“...well, if you say so.”

The two arrive at their destination: the largest training area on the Jujutsu High grounds. Satoru places the prison realm at the center and takes a few steps back with Shoko standing behind him, in case anything happens.

He doesn’t think it will, but it’s always good to take at least a few precautions.

“Gojo, are you sure we should be doing this?” Shoko asks again. “Didn’t they want to remain in the box?”

“Of course I am,” Satoru says with his usual air of confidence before looking back at the prison realm nestled in the grass. He grins and then—

“Prison realm, gate open.”

if you made it this far. thank you. it's my sincerest hope that you enjoyed the ride. 3

[pourquoiyyy]

This episode was so good wtf

Like I know it was 1 hour and 27 minutes so they had time, but still, something I don’t like with dramas is that very often an issue drags on for a whole episode or several episodes or a season, but in lovely writer so many things happen in each episode and in this one damn

So much happened???? And it’s very often sadly easy to see where the plot of a drama is going but I keep getting surprised by lovely writer, like they don’t take the easy BL route

This got quite long so…

First, Aey is trying to mess with Gene and Nubsib’s relationships ? Well, yeah, but actually he’s in love with Gene and I really have to watch the episodes again because I really didn’t see that coming, I was so convinced he liked Nubsib??? What clues did I miss?

(also Aey has a very very bad problem with his own self-image and self-worth, he did some very bad things this episode, but this scene of him watching his reflection in his phone, boyyyyyyy, Bruce is a good actor. And like it was a long scene, but it didn’t feel like it, it didn’t feel like time wasted in the episode)

Nubsib is angry at Gene ? Nope, just worried

Aey drugged Nubsib and Gene is trying to find a way to get out this night pUrE? No, my boy Gene is just worried about having sex with Sib for the first time AND actually Sib is somehow just feeling hot and not under any influence, he was just really really into Gene that night

Also so much kissing in this episode?? Like Sib and Gene are in the honeymoon phase of their relationship and they can finally admit to each other how much they love one another. I’m not saying kissing is essential to show in a drama btw, but it sometimes feels in BL dramas that the characters are allowed a quota of kisses per season or episode and once they’ve reached it, it’s DONE, you’ll get a cheek/forehead/hair kiss or a hug, or a high five, but that’s it, and again, it’s not that I absolutely want the characters to kiss, but I can’t help but think sometimes that would it be reality, these people would be kissing right now. So like before Sib’s mum arrived when they were on the couch, the situation they were in really called for a kiss, they were just gazing at each other, excited about this new development in their relationship, but I was in my usual BL mindset of « well, they’ve already kissed enough in this ep » and then they went and surprised me with an another kiss? And not just like a small peck like I’m used to in BL (which again, these aren’t bad, but realistically speaking, this really wasn’t what Gene and Nubsib wanted at that moment) It shouldn’t be surprising, but still it was

AND BAM! The coming out to your parents plot (that is sometimes THE WHOLE ISSUE OF A SEASON, I’m looking at you Korn and Knock) that I didn’t expect in an episode where so much had happened already. So I thought, yeah, they might just pretend they’re not together, we’ll hear some not too good comments from the parents about BL because Gene writes BL novels and Nubsib is acting in one, but nope, they wanted to prove my assumptions wrong again and Gene said he didn’t want to lie to their parents anymore! So yeah, we did hear some homophobia, interesting comments about BL fangirls and how much of a trend BL is right now and it almost seemed like Sib and Gene had changed their minds, but then Gene surprised me AGAIN and they revealed the fact that they’re dating to their parents.

And usually coming out plots drag on which I can understand because coming out to your family isn’t easy, but in lovely writer, in 30 minutes they did so much! Also, in the preview they showed only some parts of this plot carrying on, but I’m pretty sure that like usual with this series, it won’t take the whole episode, maybe the first half of it. And if it does take the whole episode, I won’t be disappointed because I quite like what they’ve done with it already

The double standard of the mothers finding BL cute, but maybe not if it’s their sons. They were saying it would be nice if their sons were actually together, that two grooms in suits would be adorable and that their families would be even closer, but really when Gene and Nubsib admitted they were really together, they went quiet, they cried, they didn’t defend their sons’ relationship to their husbands.

Aaah, the fathers! I expected them to have the worst reactions to Gene’s and Sib’s coming out and also sadly the most « typical »  that we see in series. And they did but not in the usual way it goes. It was really interesting to look at them and see how completely different their reactions were. Nubsib’s father was more about: be careful about my reputation, the reputation of my company and the reputation of this family, and treated his son’s love for Gene like a child’s infatuation that’s gone too far. The authoritative father that won’t even let his son speak and explain, Nubsib could only follow his orders.

While for Gene’s father, it was completely different. He was really really quiet and seemed really suspicious of their relationship before they revealed it and after they did, he just didn’t say a word while his wife kept throwing him worried glances. Then, when it was just their family left, he refused to talk to Gene, just telling him to go to his room until Gene got angry (and again surprised me) saying he was gay (an actual character saying he is gay in a thai bl series, it shouldn’t feel like victory but it does) and loved Nubsib and wouldn’t stop so why couldn’t his dad accept it? Before, AGAIN, dropping a big ass bomb, Gene’s father dated men (or a man) before marrying his mother. As much as this episode surprised me, this shocked me the most lol, I really didn’t expect THAT, but it’d explain Gene’s father’s reaction

Homophobia of course still exists today, but it was even worse when he was young and he never came out and probably chose to leave his partner and lead a « normal » straight life. Seeing your son at around the same age in the same situation but making completely differents choices, choosing to embrace his homosexuality and his love for Nubsib, well, I can understand that he needs a little time to accept this situation and talk to his son

This has become very long and I didn’t think I had that much to say about this episode, but boy I have even more, I loved so much about it. But first:

I HATED that Aey pretended to have drugged Nubsib, especially since he actually wanted to drug Gene and what, rape him??? And then laughing about it? Uh uh boy. Still, I really love Aey’s character, he keeps surprising me and I’m looking forward to his character development.

Otherwise, loved this episode. Gene in particular was really interesting: his conversations with Aey, the way his first time with Sib went (and wow, Sib’s innuendos in this episode, I still can’t get this image of him with his toothbrush in his mouth out of my mind), his bravery coming out to his parents and saying he was gay and forcing his dad to have this conversation and not avoid it.

Loved how supportive the brothers were, trying to tell their parents that society was much more open and accepting nowadays, helping their brothers as well as they could.

On a same note, Gene’s brother getting angry at their father on Gene’s behalf. I loved how their dialogue went about expectations and disappointment in a parent-child relationship, love me some family drama.

Gene and Nubsib holding hands under the table while facing their family’s disapproval

I’m going to stop here because this post is way too long for something probably only me is going to read, but I needed to write my thoughts to get them out of my head

Very raw thoughts btw, I need to reflect on this episode A LOT and rewatch it probably

[itsclydebitches]

Godddddd I'm so upset that I dislike yen this much, doing main quests in skellige and Freyas ppl were doing stuff and she again disrespected other cultures with Geraly being against, "I may be inhumanly beautiful" I know she's meant to be confident but wowww. She's not confident and worried for Ciri she just comes off arrogant and selfish and vain. Like, fuck.

The ultimate mood, anon. My Witcher fandom life would be so much easier if I enjoyed Yen ... but I just do not lol. Remember how I mentioned that things were going to get even worse than her stealing and using a potentially dangerous artifact? Yeeeaah. She also resurrects Ciri's friend to torture him for information, all while destroying another sacred garden to get the power to do it! It's not even a "She's so evil and I love it 😏" situation for me because the game tries so hard to convince us that she's still The Best. Geralt's sexy soulmate, Ciri's adoring mother, the baddest bitch around who gets things done and does it with an effortless confidence... all while ignoring how horrific her actions and attitude are. Oh sure, other characters speak ill of her at times, but considering how much Geralt is written to adore her, no matter what you choose, that's all undermined. I love morally gray/evil characters, but I've never enjoyed them when the text refuses to appropriately acknowledge that side of them. Nothing is more frustrating to me than a story that frames disliking a character as the unambiguously wrong thing to do, especially when the text is piling up reasons to dislike them and, as a result, ignoring or shrugging them off their actions as not that bad. Yen is a rather extreme example of that for me. Despite her attitude, her choices, and other characters outright going, "Why do you like her?" the story as a whole works under the assumption that it's correct to like her anyway because Geralt loves her. And he loves her for... reasons.

They do meet before the wish, but only just. Major "The Last Wish" spoilers in this paragraph, so feel free to skip. Basically, Geralt and Dandelion run into trouble with a djinn, he goes to Yen for help since she's a sorceress (first time meeting her), he instantly falls for her because she's gorgeous and such (there's an elf there who is also madly in love with Yen. Men just... fall for her, instinctually), she heals Dandelion, Geralt agrees to pay her, but Yen has already decided on the payment she wants. She takes control of Geralt's mind and forces him to attack the town to seek revenge on those who have insulted her, resulting in him waking up in prison awaiting execution for "his" crimes. Meanwhile, Yen has gone after the djinn for herself because power/trying to regain her ability to have a kid. Geralt escapes, finds her failing to master the djinn (an attempt which btw has endangered the whole town) and despite what she's done to him, Geralt tries to get Yen to escape with him. She refuses, set on capturing the djinn even though it's obvious she can't. So as a last resort he uses the final wish to bind their fates together, saving Yen from the djinn in the process. Aaaaaand then they have sex.

So yeah, their rocky relationship is one of the main reasons why I can't enjoy Yen. For some their tumultuous history is evidence of realism, for me it's evidence that they're not actually very compatible and they're only together because a) that's the fantasy trope: protagonist men get together with the hot sorceress and b) because the magic is literally ensuring that they can't escape one another. I mean, canonically their fates are tied together by magic and canonically they spend about 20 years swinging between passionate love and fearsome fights... but there's supposedly no connection between these two things? No chance at all that they keep coming together because magic is drawing them rather than because they actually want/should be together? I wrote a meta a while back about the short story where they meet, which includes a present day scene where Geralt is criticized by another character — Nenneke — for running out on Yen. Thing is, he tries to explain that he left because she was "too possessive" and this is... flat out ignored. By both Nenneke and the fandom. There's a strong trend of ignoring Geralt's words in favor of a pro-Yen interpretation of events. He says he left because she was too possessive and she treated him like ____ — he's not allowed to finish the sentence and say what she treated him like because Nenneke interrupts him, saying she doesn't care about his version of events. Major yikes imo! She turns a claim of being possessive into Geralt not being man enough to stick around. The fandom likewise turns this into a case of Geralt getting cold feet and running out because he's a bastard who hates commitment. Likewise, Nenneke and the fandom claim Geralt is trying to get Yen money as a way of appeasing his guilt for leaving, he claims he's doing it simply because he still cares for her — even if he doesn't want to be with her — and knows she needs it. Geralt's words are frequently dismissed, in the same way others characters' opinions of Yen are dismissed. Any mark against her is treated as either a lie, or a convoluted claim that they don't really know her... never mind that an understanding of why she may act this way doesn't excuse the behavior itself. (Plus, the whole "Yen had a horrible upbringing, so of course she struggles being kind" perspective always fell flat to me when so many, including witchers, had horrendous upbringings too. The whole point is this world is a mess and most everyone suffers). It's supposedly true love, yet if someone came up to me and went, "I magically tied my fate to this woman to keep her from getting herself killed and we've spent the last couple decades having what many would term a rocky relationship, to put it kindly. I left once because she was too controlling. She once cheated on me. I likewise hooked up with others during our frequent breakups. A mutual friend used magic to get me to have sex with her — also while my lover and I were broken up — and though I view it as a dumb decision I'm happy to forgive her for, my lover is ready to commit murder because again: possessive. A lot of the time we're only a family because of our daughter. I once thought she'd horrifically betrayed us both. She didn't, but it says something that I was so ready to believe it, huh? Hmm? Permanently separated? Of course not! I love her. We're destined to be together after all :)" I'd be like, "Uh... you sure about that, dude?"

Not that Geralt doesn't make his fair share of mistakes in the relationship — he absolutely does — but I don't think it helps his case that he's immature in other ways and, frankly, that he's a very strong, badass witcher. It's easy to turn the hints we get about their relationship into a simplistic "emotionally naive man can't give the poor woman the commitment she wants" situation. Given Geralt's status as the badass fighter of the tale, it's likewise easy to dismiss his admissions of her being "possessive" and his general discomfort. He's the man. He's the witcher. If he's making any claims about how Yen isn't treating him well, they must be excuses, or exaggerations, because real men, especially physically powerful men, would do something about that — a something that's not sneaking out in the middle of the night. A lot of people read Geralt leaving as the ultimate proof that he's an immature bastard who doesn't deserve her. I read him leaving and think, "What were you trying to get away from? What was going on that made you think you could only leave by sneaking out without a word?" To me, that doesn't read as someone who felt safe, comfortable, and respected enough to do anything but slip away and try to wash his hands of things. And I'm not just pulling this "Geralt is at least somewhat afraid of Yen and isn't comfortable establishing boundaries with her" reading out of my ass. When Yen wants Geralt to kill the golden dragon for her and he refuses, saying he doesn't care anymore, his thoughts are:

He expected the worst: a cascade of flames, flashes of lightning, blows raining down on his face, insults and curses. There was nothing. He saw, with astonishment, only the subtle trembling of her lips. Yennefer turned around slowly. Geralt regretted his words.

And everyone is like, "See! Yen has improved so much. Geralt nearly made her cry, but she's supposed to be the bad guy here?" Meanwhile, I'm going, "Uh... anyone want to unpack why he expects fire, lightning, insults, curses, and blows to his face for telling her no? Why he's astonished that she wouldn't use her magic against him? Anyone think that Yen refraining from attacking Geralt when he refuses to murder on her command is a pretty low bar? No? Just me?"

Geralt and Yen's relationship makes me uncomfortable and a great deal of that discomfort derives from how much of the Witcher fandom shrugs off the fictional warning signs. I mean, I post primarily about RWBY. We watched a man in that show try to sneak away with his kids when his villainous wife planned to use them for a eugenics plan... and the fandom still blames him for that, refusing to admit that he was in an abusive relationship. Because that doesn't happen to men, right? I'm not saying it's the same for Geralt and Yen, simply because they are written to be soulmates. An abusive relationship was, quite obviously, never the authorial intent. However, I am saying that the a "This isn't a healthy relationship" reading is there, it exists as an interpretation, and both the story and fandom's tendency to dismiss it is something that hasn't helped me enjoy Yen's status as an otherwise well written, complex character. Their equality supposedly stems in part because they're both so flawed, yet each time I see a list of Geralt's supposedly equal faults they're... lacking imo. "Geralt bound himself to Yen without her consent." Yeah, to save her from dying from the djinn she was trying to enslave, after she refused to leave, while her actions threatened a whole town. "Geralt ran off without a word." Mmm hmm, anyone care about why? And my personal favorite is a scene you may not have gotten to yet (or may not get depending on your choices), but suffice to say, Yen is supposedly justified in physically attacking Geralt if he dares to challenge her in any way. That's the main takeaway across the fandom: If Yen is pissed off, you must have done something to deserve it which, in the relationship deliberately written to be "stormy," is something that sets all the alarm bells in my head off. Honestly, it kinda makes my skin crawl to go, "Geralt didn't deserve that" and get responses back of, "Yeah he did because he [insert basic human action here]." The Witcher world is hard and cruel, absolutely, but that doesn't mean I personally enjoy seeing an equally messed up relationship presented as something that's enviable in its flaws. "That's actually true love because the magically bound man who often expresses discomfort with his lover, written by a male author with a very iffy perspective on women, says it's true love." Crazy theory here, but... maybe it's not?

Idk, lots of rambling on my end tonight! For me, Geralt/Yen reads as something rather tragic which, in a canon that unironically upholds the relationship, and in a Yen-adoring fandom, doesn't make enjoying her character any easier. I keep coming back to Witcher 3, the comics, the show, even the books going, "Maybe I'll like her this time?" but nope, still trying lol.

[laulink]

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THOSE WHO ONLY WATCH THE HAMEFURA ANIME AND HAVEN’T READ THE MANGA OR LIGHT NOVEL

(it’s gonna get a bit long so putting this under a cut but it’s about Katarina and her reactions to the harem members expressing their love for her. Can’t get more specific than that without spoiling, sorry)

Rereading Maria’s confession at the graduation ceremony, I had a thought : had the rest of the harem not intervened and made confessions of their own, would have Katarina understood Maria’s romantic intent ?

Let me explain.

As we all know, Katarina has known all of the harem, except for Maria, for years. They grew up together. Keith is her brother. Whatever way she views them, it’s ingrained in her now and it’s gonna be extremely hard for her to change this view, because for years, nothing (in her mind) hinted at the image she built of them being wrong or incomplete. So she believes she knows them. She believes she knows what they think and how they feel. We know that’s wrong, but that’s what Katarina believes.

And Katarina believes that none of them are in love with her. It is her pre-conceived idea, even before she meets any of them, that NONE of those people will ever fall in love with her.

She believes that the guys are in love with Maria, that Mary is in love with Alan and that Sophia just really adores her big brother. Nothing more, nothing less. She doesn’t fit in any of that. Her friendship with them is an anomally. She doesn’t even expect them to defend her during the Judgement Event. She believes that those relationships listed above are the only ones either of them would consider really valuable. Because, in her mind, the game takes precedence over anything else. In her mind, even if she is on friendly terms with Giordo and Keith and doesn’t attack Maria, the game could still force the world into incredible gymnastics to get her to the point where Giordo or Keith would kill her.

She is convinced that, no matter what, they can’t love her. Because the relationships of the game are the ones that truly matter here and everyone involved with Katarina in said game wanted her demise. That includes all the boys, especially Giordo and Keith, but because of that belief that the game’s relationships and fates are more or less set in stone for those six characters that she knows so much about and could therefore never misunderstand or misjudge, every one of them has already been put in a box they’ll have a hard time getting out of.

Maria though ? Maria is a lot more complicated of a character to get a grasp on for Katarina. As the otome’s main character, her relationships with the others depended entirely on her choices and her backstory has never been as expanded upon as the capture targets’, so Katarina has a really hard time understanding what she wants and how she feels. Katarina didn’t even know that Maria and her mom had been ostracised because the towns’ folk thought Maria was a noble’s bastard child. She didn’t know how much Maria had suffered because of that. She still doesn’t seem to understand btw, but that’s not really important here. The point is, Katarina doesn’t know a lot about the in-game Maria and the now real life Maria’s relationships, except that everyone is susceptible to fall in love with her and that in-game Katarina hates her. But, for that last relationship with Katarina, things have gone competely off-trail compared to the game, so Katarina has no idea what to expect out of it.

To sum it up, Maria is different from the other harem members because her relationships, including her relationship with Katarina, are building up right in front of Katarina’s eyes and they’ve only known each other for a year. On top of that, contrary to what happens in the game, Maria and Katarina become friends. That’s one totally new and unexpected relationship for both of them. So, because of all of those factors, Katarina has no pre-conceived idea of what Maria feels about her. Maria should have been afraid of or angry with Katarina, but now they’re friends, so to judge how Maria actually views her now, she only has Maria’s words and acts to go off of.

And what does Maria do at the graduation ceremony ? She tells Katarina the ONE sentence that’s supposed to be reserved to the capture target in the final event of the game. The timing is right, the words are right, this looks exactly like the final confession scene ; except that Katarina is the one Maria says those words to. And she’s stunned : for this girl who believes that the game takes precedence over everything else, this event is a conflict in and of itself : Maria should confess to a capture target, but Katarina is not an initial capture target. But those words are that of the confession, so it must be one, right ? They are supposed to convey Maria’s romantic feelings, right ? But she’s telling them to Katarina. And Katarina has no idea how to understand any of that. Did she become a capture target or did the words’ meaning change, conveying only friendship ?

Katarina could have, maybe, leaned toward the first explanation, especially if Maria had been given time to explain her words, or if Katarina had asked for clarification. But then Mary came over and said the same words to Katarina. Then all the others as well. And the choice was made for Katarina.

Her friends, who could not, ever, love her in a romantic way, were saying these words to her. Therefore, these words could not have a romantic meaning. So it was just a friendship confession, meaning that they had reached the friendship ending... and that Maria wasn’t in love with her.

TL;DR : Katamaria could have been canon by the end of their first year, but then the rest of the harem had to squeeze in between and make Katarina completely misunderstand what Maria meant.

I might write a fix-it fic where they DON’T and my girl Maria manages to get her feelings across to Katarina. Let that girl feel loved, damn it !

[shynetyme06]

Sorry this took so long, I got distracted so many times and then kinda forgot about it for a while entirely😭but here it is now !!

Just talking about the context necessary to understand their dynamic in this post, (+ the dynamic itself obv) but I plan on explaining a lot more about this world later on

SO, starting off, this world is a human one, but not at the same time. And by that I mean most of the main characters are disguising themselves as human to survive in a world that is not accepting of what they really are.

Omni is still a pluris, but they haven’t shape shifted in a long time because of the consequence of being discovered.

PJ is really weird and his deal falls into the "explain later" catagory, but he is made nearly entirely of liquefied “dark magic”, and he wears a device engineered by his creators that allows him to appear human.

And lastly, Lux is part demigod. She’s the only one out of these 3 who can use her abilities freely, and that’s because of her relation to Dream. (Shattered Dream to be specific, but I plan on changing the name since her corruption has to do with an overabundance of positivity rather than eating one of the black apples. Oh yeah btw she’s a woman here)

Dream is the ruler of most everything in this world, and is the reason certain people have to hide themselves.

Background out of the way, time to talk about the yuris💜

Omni and PJ: they have been traveling together for a while before they met Lux, and romantic feelings have bloomed between them in that time. But thing is, PJ is very oblivious and doesn’t recognize her feelings toward Omni for what they are, despite Omni’s adoration becoming increasingly obvious the more time they spend together. Most would assume they’re already dating with how they act around each other, but nahh they’re just best friends on a mission that like to hold hands all the time.

PJ and Lux: they hate each other so bad starting out. (and also a bit in the middle but not really.. It's complicated) It's understandable on PJ’s end, with Lux having been raised by a “benevolent” dictator and adopting her views. (tho she didn’t have much of a choice in the matter) PJ is one of the very few people who has the guts to tell off the princess, and her reaction to this judgement is mixed to say the least. their relationship warms up later on and things get silly when you combine PJ's inability to tell when someone is crushing on them, and Lux being so adamant to deny when she has any at all. (especially if it's on PJ)

Lux and Omni: Omni was the first of their and PJ's duo to put faith in Lux. (Not to be confused with blind trust, as revealing certain things that early on would've easily brought trouble) They held up hope for her, and that hope payed off when it counted most. Lux was actually surprised with the amount of patience Omni showed her, they gave her hope for a future she hadn’t let herself imagine in a long time. It was definitely easier for Lux to come to terms with her feelings for Omni when they bloomed than with PJ, but I still wouldn't actually use the word "easy" to describe literally anything to do with this girl's emotions. (to quote my friend because they put it best: she's the biggest hopeless romantic. emphasis on the "hopeless" part)

Lux had a funny way of showing it at first but she truly appreciates them both. The 2 were on near opposite sides when it came to how they thought of her, but it was shocking how freeing it felt to interact with people who don’t hold her on some sort of pedestal for once, people who treat her like an equal and not as someone who needs to be sucked up to. (God there is so much more on these guys but this is already so much text😭if anyone has any questions feel free to ask, I don't plan on hiding anything for spoiler reasons cuz I need a developed au I can yap about freely on here for once)

Is poly Omni x PJ x Lux a thing,,,

[ilkkawhat]

I rewatched the Nigel episode not too long ago with new eyes and it struck me how much he has in “common” with Nick! Catherine and Warrick sorta brush off Nick’s concerns about his dry cleaned clothes and prom date photos, as if he’s just paranoid. He’s not taken seriously which results in being thrown through a window and Warrick feeling guilty and the only person who humored him in small talk is Nigel about cable channels. Nick hates that Nigel is him in some way, deep down. Thoughts?

I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS

(warnings for mentions of abuse and Nick’s trauma and suicide attempts. Also warning for possible mischaracterization of Nick and Nigel because SELF PROJECTION cause I really can’t tell anymore nor do I claim to be any sort of expert on Nick, just a really really big fan of him)

So one quote from another fav show of mine that’s always just kinda stuck out to me is during this episode where SSA Aaron Hotchner is interrogating an unsub with a similar history of abuse as him, where the unsub claims “some people are born killers” and then Hotch says “and some people are born to catch them.” 

I think we all know which one Nick is, but honestly? I think Nigel is that other side of the coin. 

We are never told outright about Nigel’s past so just bear with me here and imagine how his childhood could have shaped who he is as a person. He may have grown up with a family who told him the world was dangerous and filthy, who thought the absolute worst of people and thought they were better than everybody else, which explains why he looks down on people so much. He could have witnessed his parents mistreat each other, perhaps to the point where maybe one of them didn’t fight back and was weak because of it (he goes on that rant about how humans are lifeless puppets and ants and all that). Perhaps he sees how his father controlled his mother, and that’s how he learns to control Jane Galloway--a girl who I’m sure, he would have considered to be more than just his “girlfriend” had their relationship “developed” in Nigel’s eyes.

He could have grown up in a neglectful household so he had to sort of fend for himself and make friends for himself but didn’t have the social skills to do that, so he he kind of became that creepy outcast kid that everybody wanted to avoid, so any, and I mean any positive attention he got, he misconstrued to be a sign of friendship which explains his fucked up idea of what friendship and love is. He gets obsessively attached, possessive--which is something I recently talked about Nick being in another ask--even if the other person doesn’t feel the same way towards them.

Or, he could have had a perfectly normal childhood until the age of nine, when a last minute babysitter turns his world upside down and reveals to him that life is not the land of sunshine and rainbows that all children should believe, that trust is a thing so easily broken just as his innocence is. That the horrors he hears spoken about from his family when they regale tales from the courtroom (though I’m sure the Stokes parents would not do it in such an obvious way, using code words and euphemisms that Nick’s older siblings catch onto and educate Nick on as well) are real and not just made up stories to scare him into eating his vegetables. That he doesn’t deserve the life he could have had, he deserves this trauma and this pain and is sentenced to carry it with him for the rest of his life with absolutely no choice in the matter. 

That his life was ruined a long time ago, so what’s the point in even trying to make it better? Connections were severed, connections to a happy childhood, to a happy home life, to a happy healthy view on the world that he’ll never get back no matter how hard he tries because that happened and he sentences himself to a life of investigating how it could happen to others, too. 

Or watching how it happens to others. 

Or in Nigel’s case, becoming the monster in the closet. The monster under the bed. The monster in the ceiling, watching the suffering through a tiny hole that’s not even noticed to the untrained eye.

Whatever happened, Nigel also seems to hate himself for it. Hate himself so much that he sees Nick and wants to become a whole other person, just as Nick strives to become the person Grissom wants him to be, or Grissom himself. And yet, Nigel also seems to have a bit of an ego, bragging about his achievements and deeds and while Nick is for the most part, modest, he does partake in his own share of bragging though it’s not often and usually only to tease somebody rather than some sort of show of superiority--like when he brags to Warrick during his high points in the Anonymous case they bet on. And I’m not saying Nick 100% hates himself but he definitely has confidence issues, definitely takes his mistakes to heart, it’s why he’s always looking for validation, working harder than he should have to in order to prove himself. 

And though Nigel hates others, too, most notably just...people in general, he still observes them. Still watches the world from a bird’s eye view (Nick loves birds, btw...and I think it’s very fitting that his like, antithesis is named after one) and is good at it, too. He’s good at what he does, so good that he’s able to add extra channels when installing cable and presumably doesn’t get in trouble for it. Good enough to sneak into somebody attic and live there for days...weeks?...months even? Who knows if Jane was his first, and we don’t exactly know how long he was stalking Nick for, I would imagine for more than a week though? 

And Nick’s good at what he does too, as he’s often told. He’s got a great eye for details--he always seems to go above and beyond in his evidence collecting (even with...pizza box sized swatches hehe) and seems to be a great photographer (just as Nigel’s a great videographer) He’s a good listener, too...and so is Nigel, taking the time to get to know somebody, even if he doesn’t let them know himself while he lets them take the spotlight. 

But when the spotlight is on him...that’s when things begin to change. Nick’s a very private person and obviously Nigel is even more so to the point when Nick got closer than anybody to discovering who he really was, he attacked and threw Nick out of a fucking window. Even when Nigel talks about himself it’s usually about how he sees his victims, again we don’t get much of any detail on his backstory, unless...he’s revealing details about himself...through those victims. The reasons of why he chose them. His almost...empathy of them, which we all know Nick goes a little overboard with. He doesn’t tell victims why he understands them so well, he probably feels he doesn’t have to or doesn’t want their pity--which is why he doesn’t talk much about his trauma even though it would probably helped a few times (like with the male sexual assault victim in 10x06 though I feel like there was some subtext there with it all, or if he outright told that vic in 15x09 that he had the same thing happen to him as a child, too) 

Nigel doesn’t seem to want any pity, either. He just wants to be adored. Wants to be loved. 

Nick may not necessarily want the adoration but does want acceptance. Understanding. Wants validation from people he feels qualified to give it to him (Grissom) He wants to be liked, and wants to like everyone...but he doesn’t. His faith in humanity seems to shrink throughout the series, but also with it, does that little bit of ego he starts off with in how he wants to pack heat. Wants to be the man. Wants to be a “good CSI” in Grissom’s eyes and by the end, all he wants is his friends. His family. 

The things Nigel can never have.

But also with the empathy thing--something I picked up on and always sort of thought about for a while is the final showdown scene between Nigel and Nick. How Nick puts on his brave face (and some poorly chosen sass like c’mon buddy is it really a good idea to piss off the stalker with a gun) and does finally kind of flex his strength, “this isn’t the first time I’ve had a gun in my face,” as if to say “what you are doing right now to me is not affecting me in the slighest” but it’s not anger we see in Nigel’s face after that. 

It’s almost...concern. 

He doesn’t believe what he’s hearing. He’s threatening Nick’s life, probably to expect him to beg on his hands and knees like the worthless ant he is just so Nigel can prove to him that he is the one who deserves to be Nick Stokes but here, he’s just watching as Nick throws the worth to his life away, acting as a man with nothing to lose and Nigel hesitates.

And his plan changes.

Nigel had to have known from the minute the psychic entered that the game was over. There were two ways out of this, either in a cop car or a body bag and suddenly he can’t do it. He can’t shoot Nick. He can’t become him anymore, ironically even if Nigel was going to throw his life away to “become Nick” he can’t seem to become a version of Nick who’s willing to just die, too. 

So back against the wall? No way out? No options? Time is at an end? He points the gun to himself. Wants Nick to remember his name. 

And Nick...what did Nick do, when his back was against a Plexiglas wall? With no way out? No options? Time is at an end?

Points the gun to himself. 

Leaves a message on a tape, starts that tape off with “My name is Nick Stokes,” because he wants everybody to remember his name.

And I mentioned in the other ask how I’m sort of touching upon some of this theme of Nick and Nigel being similar in this fic I’m working on, where I currently have this line of “He acts tough, acts with an air of superiority but when the light is shined on him, he shrinks away and the facade is broken, revealing the coward at the other end of the gun.”

Just as Nigel hesitated, couldn’t seem to shoot Nick, showing his true cowardly nature...Nick couldn’t shoot McKeen, who also declared his cowardice. Couldn’t become the man that McKeen is, just as Nigel couldn’t ultimately become Nick. 

And that’s the thing with Nick, is he does have that line that he never crosses, the one that doesn’t make him a killer, and he’s aware of that, and takes pride in it, even if he doesn’t tout it around. He’ll always have that bit of an ego that he’s better than the scumbags he puts away--he probably even thinks he’s better than the 15x09 vic in the way that while he can’t forget his past and didn’t murder his abuser, he didn’t beg for mercy or become vengeful or become a crazed stalker always searching for the connections he lost at a very early age...he just...deals with it. Carries it. Lets it be part of the person it made him to be. Nick Stokes, Crime Stopper. 

But he also knows that if he did have the chance, he wouldn’t hesitate to do it...he just knows how not to get caught...unlike how Nigel did. 

[bunnylouisegrimes]

Episode 9 Review (The Future: What Does It Hold?)

Tagging @coldsoba per request

This episode was a headache for me. I was anticipating it, and although it wasn’t entirely bad and it wasn’t the worst, I think this episode highlights all the bad aspects of this season and brings them together. It brings some of the good that this season brought out together as well, but it’s evident to me now that we’re reaching the end so far that the bad is outweighing the good. This episode has me worried about the future of the series, and angry overall. I’m concerned that if this series does continue and has a season 3, it won’t be good, and it will turn into a shit show like The Walking Dead did (they want a season 3, although, based on the low ratings and low viewership, AMC might cancel, no one truly knows yet, especially if BBC and all that other stuff helps boost it).

Before I start this review, I’d like to say right here and now: this is a pretty critical analysis, and possibly has a bunch of unpopular opinions, but I’m saying it anyways. I’m mad, I’m annoyed, and I’m ticked. Last week’s episode ticked me off, this... Oh, man... just know I’m cool if you disagree with me, but I’m hoping by the end you all understand why I feel this way.

Now, don’t get me wrong: like most episodes of this show from this season, despite entire scenes and plot points being bad, it has great moments to enjoy. Did this episode contain lots of action and intensity? Hell yes, and I liked that. Did it stay true to the book ending so far? In a few ways, yes. Pretty much all the ways it didn’t due to the changes they made that were already questionable were the things I didn’t like, which leads me to this: Do I like the direction the story is going, based on what we know and have so far? Hell no. Of course, we don’t know 100% the direction it’s going until next week’s episode, but right now, I’m very on the fence.

Because there is a lot of bad I’m going to discuss, let’s get the good out of the way.

Lou and Vic in the beginning, as per usual, are sweet and I love them. Tabitha and Lou’s interaction was sweet as well. Seeing Charlie frightened and shook was oddly cute, but also funny. And Wayne and Charlie’s interaction... I’m sorry, it was just adorable. I like the idea of Maggie and Vic going to Christmasland together, that was a good choice (although now... I’m uncertain).

To begin the negativity, we’ll start with Charlie and the house scene. I like Charlie confronting his own fears, it’s a very interesting concept. I find it kinda stupid and confusing Charlie wouldn’t know this house exists in his own mind, I mean, it is a part of his own mind, even if it was in the back of it. Why would he not know? Despite that, we’re gonna move onto the meat and potatoes. Now, Cassie’s POV, based on how she was presented in the show (which I still hate, btw, and I am greatly annoyed with how she is not the abuser she was in the book, but I’ve discussed this already a million times), makes sense. We get why she’s pissed, she should be, although I don’t think she understands that her ex-husband had all of this shit happen to him as far as creating Christmasland and becoming a vampire and all that by having a mental snap. It all happened due to his mental pressure. He didn’t have full control (if any control!) over that entire situation. It happened, his life depended on souls and energy from that moment on, and he had to make do with the shitty end of the stick being presented to him. Christmasland is both good and bad, and vampirism is both good and bad, and Charlie has to try to make do with what he can to give himself and his daughter happiness, and focus on the positives. Cassie could’ve maybe given him at least that credit, but she makes it out like, “You’ve brought her happiness in presents and candy, not making her a woman.” Uh... Cassie? Charlie and Millie became vampires out of his control. All this shit happened, how the hell could he reverse all of it? Is there anyway he could? It’s not even explained if he can, but the writers ignore this fact and make it out to be like, “Look, he’s so evil!” Writers, is there anyway he could change these things, even if he wanted to? “Well, no, not exactly, but look, he’s still evil!” So... you’re not even allowing him to have an opportunity to change, and then when he’s stuck in the situation and making the best out of it, even if it isn’t 100% the best way... he’s still super heinous and evil? “Yes!” Okay... whatever... see this is another reason why it annoys me how they’re writing Charlie as “the worst person in the world,” when really, he isn’t. He’s not an angel, but he is not as evil as this show wants to present. Pretty much all of Cassie’s criticisms are valid, but she could’ve at least given Charlie some credit. Nope! But the thing that really bothered me in the back of my mind was how much better this scene would’ve been had they actually written his backstory properly. I kept thinking how much better it would’ve been if an abusive Cassie comes back to haunt Charlie and taunt him, degrading him, and mocking him, how much more sense it would’ve made. And if Millie pointed these things out to him, it might’ve changed his mind some (he would think, “oh, even my daughter kinda agrees with the abuser”). It works here with the way they portrayed her, despite the point I mentioned about Charlie making the best of shit falling flat on Cassie’s end, but it would’ve been 1000% better if they made her an abuser and she scared Charlie, then Millie brings up similar points and Charlie’s POV starts to change a bit.

(Plus, I’d like to add that by doing that, you’re setting potential up for a Charlie redemption arch, and he wouldn’t have to die, Vic and Maggie wouldn’t have to die, and season 3 has interesting potential, and you still have your main characters that we enjoy).

On the topic of this scene, here is a take a friend of mine gathered from it that I definitely can see as well: The point they were trying to make in this scene is that Charlie is a coward. This is their interpretation of Cassie being ‘abusive,’ they didn't leave it out (her being angry at him) like we thought they would. They wanted to give her a concrete reason to hate him so much and call him out for his bad deeds. Also, this house, which was hidden away at the back of his mind, is a mesh of Charlie's fears and his guilt. Based on his facial expressions and his mannerisms, and how he forcefully held Millie, this was all out of fear and guilt for what he did to them that first time and how The Wraith pretty much consumes you. She's literally trying to tell his stupid ass that they can never leave, otherwise, they'll turn to static, which they will. Millie can't go anywhere because she's stuck there and Charlie knows because he was selfish, he robbed her of her future without intending to. Charlie is highkey a yandere, even for his own kid, but it makes sense because he's never really had anything, Also, as to why he’s sort of controlling in a sense: he's driven by fear and also anger if you think about it. Christmasland is how he projects and saving other children because he had a rough and traumatic childhood, he has some serious mental health issues. This I see 100% presented here too, which is a good aspect coming out of this scene. This season does show us a really vulnerable Charlie as they explore his past and give him a breaking point, which we like! But we both definitely agreed that they wanted to make Charlie more of a dick than needed throughout this whole season. Maybe these writers really wanted more drama, especially Manx family drama, through Charlie acting worse? Not so sure. Either way, it gets on my nerves, and it’s almost inconsistent with the narrative they want to spin. They keep going back and forth with “Charlie’s so sad” (which, I would agree, he is, but they even mess that up and somehow still make him look worse) and “Omg he is the worst person ever.” I hope I’ve explained myself well enough in this area, it’s a very complicated and convoluted topic that has me conflicted and annoyed myself.

I think most importantly, the thing that annoys me about all of this Manx family drama the most is: How tf are they gonna “live normal lives” and “escape?” Millie grabbing onto the ornament prevents her from disappearing, which really doesn’t make sense. I’m sure they’ll clarify it next episode, but how is she gonna become a woman and live a normal life? For Christ’s sake, Charlie can barely understand the modern world as an adult man! You think a kid like her is gonna truly enjoy it or understand it? I have my doubts on this and how they’ll write all of that. Plus, she’s a vampire! If she returns human and all the other kids do when their ornaments break, and this is something that confuses me even in the book... where will they go? Oh yeah, they’ll somehow find normal lives! Honestly, it would make more sense to have them move onto the afterlife. Are they gonna keep them human and alive to make them the stars of the show? That possible concept of, “Oh, the kids are gonna be the stars of the show now!” No, writers... just no. Nobody is gonna care about that. Again, it’s a possibility, and it’s a possibility I’m not thrilled by personally. I don’t want them to be the stars. They can be awesome supporting characters, but not the main focus. Idk man, I’m just saying right now, I’m not so sure how this whole concept is gonna work and I fear how they’re going to write it.

Next up: Wayne’s shitty behavior. Wayne is acting like a really big asshole, and it’s getting on my nerves. “He’s now a vampire!” I hear someone say. “Of course he’s acting this way!” Yes, but the reason why it’s especially annoying is because Vic keeps trying and trying to get the point across to him, and it’s all for nothing. We know Vic’s opinions and her heartfelt feelings for her son, and she ends up having to repeat herself when she might as well be taking to the wall. What’s the point? Filler? We already know Vic’s determination is strong. In the book, how Wayne was acting was better. He held onto himself, but he also didn’t, but Vic’s words managed to get across to him quite a few times throughout his journey. This would’ve been much better on screen, but the writer’s were like, “HA HA NOPE!” The scene that really angered me: what was the point of Vic making her speech (which was really nice btw) only for Wayne to not listen... you’d think that’d be the scene where he changes, but the writers decided to turn it into a shock value filler moment (similar to Chris’s death, which, btw, all this nonsense is making his death for near nothing). And, let’s not forget my question from last week.. where is Craig in all of this? Hmmm... guess he decided to take a vacation from helping his biological son, because he’s just gone! Why?! What was the point?! He better at least appear next week, but even then... too late now, buster! Probably should’ve been here earlier! I mean, for real, what was the point of Craig’s character at this point? What a waste of potential...

The worst part imo from this entire episode: Okay, so the writers make Charlie an even worse villain, even giving him those subtle sadistic undertones even as Vic is trying to talk to Wayne (alright, I get it, there’s that element to “saving” Wayne that’s vengeful when it comes to Charlie, but it’s honestly just too much darkness; it’s almost out of character, especially when it’s in a scene like this. I get it, he likes the idea of getting revenge on Vic, but does he have to be THIS dark? That laugh he gave was funny, yes, and I couldn’t help myself but laugh just because of how stupid it sounded, but looking at the reason why he laughed... if anything, he would’ve stood there with a smug smile and say something like, “I told you he loves me more.” They make him way too dark and it really takes away from the fact he is a villain with moral code, but these writers have seemingly forgotten that with the exception of the one scene in episode 7 where he condemns Bing’s rape. Of course, the rapist might be getting a redemption arch anyways, not Charlie, but uh... moving on from all that past shit!). Yeah, as I was saying, they make Charlie darker. Okay, let’s forget my opinions on that for a moment: the characters have the opportunity to make him, this super evil and irredeemable villain, weak to the point he couldn’t get up at all... But Maggie stops him from being in this state? WHAT?! That shit is very out of character for her, and it’s very out of character for Vic to just stop! Vic would’ve persisted, and if the roles were reversed, Charlie would’ve persisted. That’s the thing about them both: they are persistent and protective about their kids. Why did Vic need to stop? “We need to find your son!” MAGGIE! You’ve both tried multiple times already! Focus on Charlie when you have the chance! How stupid are you two?! And better yet: Why would Vic drop the weapon?! She would’ve grabbed it!!!! What the hell is this shit?! I can’t even express how stupid this is... I get you can’t exactly kill him, but you could make absolute certain he would be subdued and unable to even have the chance to get up and grab his weapon. But nope! They need to attempt for the thousandth time to save Wayne in the exact same way, when it has shown not to work. You’d think they’d at least attempt to think of something else, even if their options are limited, but nah, we’re gonna do something very out of character instead... why?

Things aren’t looking too good for Maggie, so I have to ask: is Maggie gonna die? And if so, that is beyond fucking stupid. They set up the potential for a plot with Tabs and Mags for the third season. I didn’t pick up that they officially broke up, rather just separated for now, and... for what?! If she’s seriously gonna die, I’m gonna be extremely pissed. That wasted potential and insult to her character would be so fucking stupid. Yes, she dies in the book (in a different fashion, and it’s probably not that great how she goes there either), but look at all they’ve done for her character, especially giving her a girlfriend, a character that’s become even more important. Her death would be questionably more insulting here for sure!

Overall, while there were things I liked about this episode, I am majorly disappointed and concerned for the future of the series. I’m afraid it will take directions that are not good, and if it does continue, I am afraid it will be a living dead show of sorts. I think the only true way this show can carry on and be good is if all our main most important characters (Vic, Maggie, Charlie, Lou, Wayne, and Tabs) are all alive. Now, Vic and Charlie might be the only exception to this, just because they both do die in the book, and although even that is rough and not the best, it is expectant and I think this show can still be good with Maggie, Lou, Tabitha, and Linda taking care of Wayne (I’m not gonna go into the potential with Millie in this scenario because that’s a rocky topic lol). But if this show follows the path of TWD, where we have a whole new cast of characters you’re not really gonna care about and all the old cast you got to know and love is just gone... that’ll be the cherry on top of this shit sundae. I am excited for the concept of exploring the world of other Strong Creatives, as many rumors speculate the next season will contain, but if the show that explored the world of zombies failed by getting rid of pretty much their whole old cast... what about this show? They’ve already messed up quite a few things I don’t like this season I’ve discussed before, and if they go the route of doing anything that can get worse... I can’t describe how disappointing it would be. Not saying things have to be perfect or my way all the way, but it has to be generally good and enjoyable for everyone. Growing attached to a cast of characters only to erase many of them and focus on a new one is not a way that is good and enjoyable for everyone. AMC: This happened with TWD; for the love of God, don’t let it happen with NOS4A2.

As I said in my last review: let’s hope next week is better, and AMC, for the second time in a row, doesn’t deliver a disappointment of a show.

[silverselfshippingchaos]

[Dorky-self-shipper] Free Pass to talk about any s/i you want? 👀

Thank you so much for this @dorky-self-shipper!!! Made me smile a LOT!!!

The FF7 world has been living in my head rent free ever since I played Remake for the first time. So I’m gonna talk about my FF7 s/i. She’s... really something. She’s not completely fleshed out yet, but I still think she’s pretty cool. 

Let’s gooooooooo!

My self insert for the ff7 world is a Turk working under Shinra Inc. Shinra are the villains for the most part, and the Turks do some pretty morally-gray stuff for them.  She looks pretty much identical to me/my fe3h s/i. Tan skin, red glasses, black hair, and the signature Turks suit. She doesn’t have anything too special going on with her suit. Just a white shirt along with a black tie, a black coat, and black pants paired with some black boots. She occasionally leaves the buttons on her blazer open.  She’s also pretty short (I’m around 5’2 😭). Tseng and Rude both stand at around 6 feet, so she always looks pretty small next to them. 

Since she’s a Turk, she sometimes has to fight her way out of sticky situations.  Her main weapon of choice is the same as my fe3h s/i! She’s a spellcaster!

She’s a Materia specialist and fights using different kinds of orbs of Materia, and is always sure to keep many on her so she’s always prepared. She mainly keeps elemental types of Materia with her, but she’s sure to keep some healing ones along with a Time Materia. She’s not against a few summons either. She has a little belt of them that she wears because carrying around that many fragile glass-like orbs without it + her clumsiness? ...Yikes.  (Also she can, will, and does do the fe3h Trickster thing where she shoots magic out of fingerguns. One of my favorite classes in the game for sure. Felix in a suit with fingerguns is one of the best things I’ve ever seen.) 

She doesn’t use a physical weapon very often whatsoever, but when she does, it’s usually a handgun. Swords are cool and she likes them. She’s not too skilled with then and isn’t keen on the sight of injury, but she has an admiration. They’re usually too bulky for her to keep on her suit, though, so she usually just has her Materia along with a gun. Please don’t be surprised if she whips out a sword every now and then though. She sometimes pairs her Materia with her gun as well because ✨elemental bullets✨

One of my headcanons (but wait.. if it’s my s/i... wouldn’t that be canon...? anyways-) is that Materia can be embedded in tattoo ink which is then applied to the body to infuse the person with the power of that Materia very slightly. Now, it can’t be anything major because in the Turks side game, one of the characters has shards of Materia in her arm, and it slowly eats away at her life force. So let’s, uh, avoid that. I like to think that maybe (I’m still thinking about this one) Ash has some very small hand-tattoos embedded with either Cure or Fire Materia. The Cure one helps her both cure very small wounds on herself and/or on others when she doesn’t have her full Cure orb on her. As for the Fire one, there’s a lot of handy situations in which just a little bit of fire can be useful, so that’s that. Again, this is just a thought, but I think it’s pretty goddamn cool! Also would explain why I’m so tired all the time lmao!

Also Materia is pretty and I love it. The colors are interesting too. 

Adding onto that, she also really likes jewelry. Materia infused jewelry was something I thought of, but I’m not quite sure about that? She already has a wide assortment on her, so I think she would just settle for normal jewelry. Just like many of the other Turks, she’s always wearing small earrings. However, on missions where she can’t have all her gear on her, she will have Materia infused jewelry. Also, sometimes it’s just cute so. It depends on the day. Also! Since part of the uniform is gloves (she prefers fingerless), she doesn’t really get a chance to wear rings, unfortunately. When she’s not wearing gloves, though, she usually has some rings on. 

Is part of the Turks initiation process a trip to Claire’s?

I like to think that she’s pretty friendly and that she gets along well with her team. She’s either very serious or a total goofball depending on the situation. Expect many bad puns and snarky comments. She tries her best to fulfil her duties as a Turk, but they can sometimes be difficult for her since her emotions can sometimes cloud her judgement. She’s a very emotional person. The Sector 7 Job screws her up quite a bit. I’m not sure if she’s a Turk then or not, but just knowing that her team was responsible for that many deaths puts a bitter taste in her mouth. 

When combat can be avoided, she will take that route. She’s no pacifist, she would just prefer to do things with her words than with her flames. However, there are exceptions to this (*coughs in Don Corneo* She will gladly rip that man apart.) When she’s not on the active field during missions, she’ll stay back with Tseng and go through information, helping him guide the team. Her and Tseng are pretty close, despite being so different. 

Being completely honest, one of her favorite parts of her position is having access to so much information. She enjoys reading a lot, along with gaming. 

As for relationships with her team, they’re all pretty strong. 

Her and Tseng have some differing values, but they get along fairly well. She’s very cautious about her wording around him at first. He’s a scary guy, and him being leader doesn’t help. He can be very cold sometimes, but he’s a good listener. She relaxes around him eventually, and he becomes someone who she goes to very often for support. I like to think that she goes to him after the Sector 7 situation to talk about her feelings about it. I also think that he may have been the one who recruited her into the team in the first place? She owes a lot to him, and looks up to him a lot. Learning about how caring he was when he was younger only increases her admiration. She sometimes doesn’t agree with some of his more twisted logic, but she also understands that he has duties to fulfil and a team to manage. He’s trying his best to comfort them. 

Her and Reno are bros. Reno brings out her more wild side, and those two together are the very definition of chaotic. They’re always cracking jokes with each other and for them, being together is a blast. He was one of the first who reached out to her back when she was still new on the team, and when Rude isn’t available, he talks to her a lot. He appreciates how easy she is to talk to. They share the same braincell, and their jokes are very stupid. Their team missions are pretty fun. I also like to think that they play video games together in their free time! I love their friendship SO much!!! Ash definitely has her smarter moments, and is very knowledgeable on a lot of things, but together, they share a singular braincell.  An important thing to add about them is that sometimes she can be a bit of a mom-friend towards him when they’re not fooling around? She knows when enough is enough and when to rein him in. They both have their more serious moments, and their understanding of each other definitely helps on more serious missions. In a nutshell, they’re just two bros and I love them a lot. They understand each other.  Also, their fighting styles compliment each other quite a bit, so that’s fun. 

Ash and Rude is a friendship I really appreciate. Rude is not a man of many words, and Ash is very talkative. However, you quickly learn that Rude is very caring and prefers to show his affection in smaller gestures and actions. It takes a while for Rude to become more open with her, but it happens. He always listens to her rambles and although he might not say much, he remembers every single detail. She reminds him a bit of Reno, and he’s been dealing with a Reno for the past 7-some years. Their relationship is very wholesome, and Ash always encourages him to voice his thoughts. Also, he gives very good hugs when she needs them. She’s very sensitive and can be very affected by some of the stuff she sees while on duty, and he’s very protective of her. Her attitude and rambles confuse Rude sometimes, but he tries to be a good friend. Also they can kick ass together big time.  In conclusion, Rude and Ash = big soft hours. 

Okay, let’s talk about Ash and Elena. Elena is a character that I personally adore so much because it took me a while to like her. My initial reaction to playing the original ff7 and seeing her was simply, “Oh, great. Yes, make the only female Turk super clumsy and shit at her job- And give her no personality outside of that and crushing on Tseng. I mean, mood, and same, but really?”  But then I researched the Turks game.  (I have yet to read the novels btw)

And I realized that me and Elena are similar in so many ways other than being very clumsy and simping for Tseng (he’s hot, okay- then again, I simp for all the Turks. they are VERY fine.) We have very similar personalities, constantly want to punch things, and also have similar relationships with being the youngest sibling. I really understand Elena and I love her. You look into her character and realize that she’s super strong and dependable, smart and gorgeous. She’s amazing. 

Ash and Elena, like I said, are pretty similar in terms of personality. So they really understand each other and get along very well!! They’re very close friends, and kinda live on the same mental wi-fi. They click very well on first meeting, and that click stays for very long time and only gets stronger as time passes. Ash feels as though she can discuss anything with her because Elena gets it. Also, missions in which they’re paired up together are always fun. They’re both pretty smart, but have a tendency to let their emotions cloud (heh, cloud-) their judgment. But when they’re together, they can keep each other check and in turn, kick ass together. They also have a mutual hatred for Don Corneo. I hate that man. Fighting together is pretty fun since Ash can stay back and spam her spells while Elena punches the crap out of their target.  In conclusion, these two are very close and they’re besties. They have a mutual understanding of each other in a lot of different fields. 

Thank you SO much for the opportunity to spill my thoughts about this, my friend!! Was a very very fun time! The Turks are always living in my head, so I’m glad to speak about them anytime. This definitely helped me organize my thoughts a bit and helped sorta motivate me to write about Ash and her Turk friends?? I can feel my half-written Felix fics in my drafts glaring at me, but regardless, I’m very excited. They have a super fun dynamic.  Thanks for listening!

[dylshoney]

when you’re ready

 requests:  maybe a shawn fic based on “when you’re ready” but you’re not the girl he sung about? and the girl shows up 10 years later and tries to get him back and you guys have been together for like 3 years and it just causes insecurities ?? does this make sense?? (love your work btw❤️)

Hellurrr! I have a request, if you will? TW Anxiety Attack Like if the female!reader has an anxiety attack because she thinks she's not good enough so Shawn helps her and holds her?

a/n: this was my first time trying to write angst (cause im usually an optimistic ass bitch) so if its bad just lie and scroll post ahahaha but i wanted to try and @superiorsoph sent this request in and i couldnt resist. im sorry i didnt follow it exactly, but i hope you like it love.

warnings: language, angst

“Stay still!”

 You hear him say for the umpteenth time, but you pretend not to hear him, twirling around in the dress, laughing and shaking your hips.

 He makes noises of disgruntlement and soon you hear the shutter of his camera go off, the flash blinding you for a few seconds, but you don’t care. You glide over to the full-length mirror on one side of the store and smile at your reflection. He was right, the dress is gorgeous.

 You push down the fabric, loving the smoothness under your fingers and twirl once more. You can see Shawn roll his eyes in the reflection, but you can see the hint of a smile threatening to peak through. He places his camera back in the casing and walks over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist, leaning down to press his head on your shoulder.

 You’re both silent for a moment, just staring at the pair of you in the mirror. You hum, your head falling back into him, “I think we found the one.”

 “I told you I’d be useful,” he tuts, pinching your hip. You flinch, turning around to smack his chest, “You only just started being useful. The past hour has been torture.”

 He’s laughing, the beautiful crinkles on his face making your heart melt but you love teasing him, so you can’t give in just yet, “Trying on twenty dresses definitely wasn’t necessary.”

 “No.” He agrees, smiling down at you with a shit- eating grin. “But we had to test all out options, didn’t we?”

 You shake your head, turning back around to see yourself in the reflection, triple-checking that this was the right choice.

 “You have to delete those photos, you know?”

 “No!” He sounds almost offended. “Those are memories, there’s no way I’m getting rid of that.”

 “But I look horrid,” you pout, blinking innocently.

 “Don’t give me that face,” he shakes his head, “They’re all blurry anyway.”

 You grin victoriously, winking at him, “The music in here is just too good – I couldn’t resist.”

 He pauses for a moment, raising his finger to the ceiling, eyebrows raised. You focus on the sound of #Selfie by the Chainsmokers, your ears getting hot as you begin to nod slowly, “It has a nice rhythm?”

 He shakes his head, but you’re already dancing again – thankful that there was no one else in the store on an early Wednesday morning.

 “If you dance like that tonight, I’m going to pretend I don’t know you.”

 You ignore him, taking his large hand into yours and spinning into him, his laughter getting louder as the two of you stumble around together.

 The music changes to Troye Sivan’s Dance to This and you squeal a bit, getting overly excited as the two of your start shouting the lyrics at the top of your lungs. You can see the nice sales associate trying to contain her giggles as she pretends not to watch you, but you don’t care.

 You’re watching Shawn. Your eyes never leaving him as he throws his head back, laughing as you mess up the lyrics. His hands pull you into him, your chest hitting his as you begin doing some sort of heightened version of a slow dance. His hands are warm against you, sending a current of energy through your body.

 You’ve never smiled wider in your life, your heart clenching as he places a kiss on your forehead and you can’t believe that you’re still so in love with him after two years of being together. It’s never stopped being butterflies and sweaty palms with him – you’re body reacting to his touch like it was the first time.

 Everyone around you recognized that as well, even the sales associate as she checked out the dress a few minutes later. You two are adorable, how long have you been engaged?

 Shawn had squeezed your hand extra hard as the two of you tried to contain your giggles, explaining to her that the ring on your finger was a promise one. But Shawn made sure to add that he was hoping to fulfill that promise soon.

 You felt like you were on cloud nine, leaving the store with a flutter of butterflies in your stomach. You knew that Shawn was it for you, never once doubting that he was the person you were going to marry.

 You just didn’t expect that maybe; you weren’t it for him too.

 *

 Later that night you found yourself at yet another event with Shawn, wearing the pretty red dress and smiling widely as people approached you.

 You were happy to find that you could easily recognize and talk to many people, a stark comparison to how you were when you had just started going out with Shawn. You were more confident now, excepting that you belonged next to Shawn, that if you stood up straight and acted like you were meant to be there – people would believe it too.

 You were sipping a Shirley temple, bopping your head lightly to the beat of the song radiating through the room, talking to Lina – the daughter of a famous record producer. She was probably your closest friend related to the industry, but she was usually too busy to attend these kind of parties – so you were taking in every second you could get with her.

 “Ok look at Marsha,” Lina lifted her chin, motioning to a woman a few meters away from you, “She’s about to go talk to Roger. For the sixth time tonight.”

 “No way.” You shook your head, cringing as Marsha started making her way over to the older man again. “He’s said no to her single like a million times already.”

 “Have you heard it?”

 “No.” You paused, “Wait? Have you?!”

 She snorted, “I wish I didn’t.”

 “Come one!” You threw your head back, “I would have paid to see your reaction.”

 “I can perform some for you, if you’d like?”

 You were quick to shake your head, but she was already going.

 “If I could fly … I would never leave you dry ….”

 “Stop! Please!” You were bent over, holding your stomach as you tried to contain your laughter. She was so off pitch that you were tempted to cover your ears.

 “Maybe we could last forever ….”

 “I don’t know what sadder,” you heaved, “The song – or the fact that you know it by heart.”

 “She made me listen to it six times!”

 “That sounds like – ”

 “Excuse me.” You turned around at the sound of the voice, feeling a light touch on your shoulder. You were greeted with the sight of a beautiful blonde staring at you with a small smile.

 “Hi.” You were quick to return the grin, trying to figure out if you remembered her from somewhere. She looked oddly familiar.

 “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m looking for Shawn?”

 You smiled, “I can go get him for you. Give me just a second.”

 “Thank you so much!”

 You found Shawn in the back, talking to someone you recognized to be very important, but his eyes lit up and he was on his feet the second he saw you.

 “Hey angel, everything okay?”

“Hey,” you nodded as he wrapped a hand around your waist pulling you to the side, “There’s someone looking for you.”

 You took his hand in yours, leading him through the mass of bodies in the space, over to where Lina and the stranger were waiting.

 “Hey!” Your tone was light as you called out to her, “Found him!”

 She turned around, an expectant look on her face before her eyes finally settled on your boyfriend.

 “Kate.” Shawn’s voice was laced with shock, a smile gracing his features as he let go of your hand and shot forward to hug her.

 You made eye contact with Julia from behind them, her light ones wide and looking at you with something you could only describe as sheer worry. You tilted your head, trying to understand what she was mouthing to you.

 “It’s been so long.” You could hear Shawn say as they pulled apart, his tone laced with something you didn’t recognize.

 “It has. You look amazing, Shawn.” Now that was something you did recognize.

 You placed a hand on Shawn’s back, his eyes wide as he turned back to look at you, almost as if he’d forgotten you were even there.

“Kate,” his eyes were back on her immediately, “This is y/n, my … girlfriend.”

 You hated the hesitation in his voice, but you didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, smiling gently at her, “It’s nice to meet you.”

 “So, how do you two know each other?” Julia stepped forward, sipping on her drink as her narrowed eyes trained on Kate.

 There was a moment of reluctance, which definitely didn’t help with your unease.

 “We go way back.” Shawn finally said, Kate, giggling in response. Your smile faded. So they went way back. That was definitely code for used to date.

 You hated the jealously that flooded through you. Your stomach clenching as your boyfriend continued to stare at the girl with an unrecognizable look.

 Everyone was silent for a moment, Shawn’s eyes not leaving Kate, something you weren’t too happy about. You were used to being the center of his attention. And you felt selfish the second those thoughts filled your mind.

 “What are you doing here?” He asked, the wide grin never leaving his face.

 She smiled for a moment until her eyes traveled over to you and the expression faded, “I uh – was hoping we could talk?”

 You didn’t like the look she was giving you, and you definitely didn’t like the sound of that. But Shawn was nodding and not even a second later he was turning to you, “I’ll be right back.”

 You didn’t respond, he didn’t give you the chance to. He was already walking away, hot on her heels.

 “What the actual fuck.”

 You didn’t know how to answer. So instead you turned over the bar, immediately ordering four shots, making Lina talk them with you.

 You had hoped that the alcohol would ease your nerves, but instead, you found yourself pacing in the bathroom, your head spinning as you tried to explain to Lina what was going on in your mind.

 She did her best to try and calm you, easing your mind that it was nothing. Shawn loved you. It didn’t matter that he was slightly tipsy. Alone. And talking to his ex.

 You trusted him with everything in you, but you didn’t trust the look in Kate’s eyes. And the look in his.

 Shawn came back a half hour later, his eyes bloodshot and begging you to leave with him. You didn’t hesitate to agree, taking his outstretched hand and following him to the car.

 You were both silent for a few moments but there was unspoken tension hanging in the air, your hands folded in your lap – trying to figure out how to phrase your words.

 “Are you going to tell me what happened?” You finally blurted, hating the way his hands tightened on the steering wheel.

 Shawn was silent for a few seconds, before he cleared his voice, “Everything’s fine. Kate just wanted to catch up.”

 You rolled your eyes but didn’t argue. “How long were you together for?”

 You could see him tense again, his shoulders tightening, “We weren’t. Almost though.”

 “What happened?”

 “I don’t know. She wasn’t ready, I guess.” His tone was clipped; sounding like he had uttered those words millions of times before. You could feel your breath catch in your throat.

 She wasn’t ready.

 You replayed those words in your head a million times before you could finally utter something else. “When was the last time you saw her?”

 Shawn could sense the uneasiness in your voice, the unfamiliar tremble as you tried to calm your breathing.

 His hand was quick to take yours, twisting it out of the clasp in your lap and holding it in his tightly, “Baby –”

 “I’m just curious – I know there’s nothing to worry about I just –” your voice was higher than normal, Shawn’s hand tightening around yours.

 But he was silent. Staring straight ahead at the stoplights. The bright red glow illuminating his impassive features.

 “There is nothing to worry about, right?” You found yourself saying.

 “Of course not.”

 Your heart was in your stomach, and you suddenly felt like there was no room in the car – no air.

 “Shawn,” you whispered, “Did something happen?”

 He swallowed again, “No.”

 You were both silent for the rest of the ride home, Shawn’s hand holding yours – the only thing stopping you from falling apart.

 The second the car parked in your driveway, you let go of him and jumped out, not waiting for him to follow – speed walking to the front door. Your hands were shaking as you tried to stick the key into the lock, your blurry eyes making it hard for you to focus.

 “Y/n – ”

 You could hear Shawn coming up behind you, but the door burst open just in time – saving you from having to look at him, “I – I have to go to the bathroom.”

 You could hear him shout something back but you were already sprinting up the stairs and into your shared room, shutting the door behind you and bolting into the bathroom.

 You were shaking, pulling your phone out and googling the one thing on your mind since the second you heard it.

 The lyrics to Shawn’s When You’re Ready showed up on screen and you tried to calm your breathing, scrolling for a moment before your tears began collecting again and you were sobbing.

 You gripped the sink, your breaths choked up as you tried to control your heart rate.

 You could feel a tightness expanding through your chest, like a weight that was pulling you down. You were on your knees before you had a chance to blink, your hands wrapped around your dress as you tried to get a grip on yourself.

 Moments passed but your breathing wasn’t picking up, you tried to blink away the tears, but they kept flowing as your shallow breaths increased.

 You stood; your head spinning at the sudden movement, making you fall back and steady yourself against the sink. A jewelry box slid off at the impact, falling and smashing on the floor.

 You flinched back at the noise, your ears registering a muffled yelling from behind your door, but you couldn’t make it out. You didn’t understand any of it, your chest heaved as you fell back onto your knees, sounding like you were chocking on air. Black spots began to cloud your vision, the room starting to spin.

 Arms wrapped around you, pulling you back into a hand chest, but your mind was too cloudy to process any of it.

 “Breathe – ” you could just make out his words, “You’re having a panic attack.”

 “I can’t I –”

 Shawn spun you into him, on his knees before you, his hands cupping your cheeks as he placed his forehead on yours. You tried to make out the golden color of his eyes but you couldn’t focus on anything but the tightness in your chest.

 “I need you to listen to me, okay?” His thumbs were lightly massaging your jaw, “You’re going to inhale for me on the count of three.”

 “1.. 2.. inhale.” You obeyed, your chest filling up with air as you shook in his grasp.

 “Now exhale,” he said, his voice shaky, “Now again.”

 “Inhale…exhale…inhale….exhale.”

 It was working, your mind slowly clearing as you focused on the sound of his voice.

 You sighed easily for the first time in a while, your eyes finally opening and meeting his tear-streaked ones.

 You pulled away from him immediately, falling back onto your butt as you crawled further away, the cold tile the least of your concerns.

 “You – you.” You heaved, trying to catch your breath, “You wrote it about her.”

He tilted his head, looking like a devastated, confused puppy, “Angel I don’t know –”

 “When you’re ready! You wrote it about her, didn’t you?”

 Shawn blinked, a single tear falling from his eye as he crawled over to you. You flinched, scooting away until your back hit the wall.

 “Y/n I –”

 “The song was written four months into our relationship.” You sniffled, wiping your nose on the sleeve of your dress, not caring about how much money you had spent this morning. Now, that seemed like a lifetime ago.

 “You had said that Teddy wrote most of it. That it was a spur of the moment thing. That none of your songs were based on anyone until you met me.”

 He was silent, tears streaking down his cheeks as he tried to catch his breath, “Baby –”

 “You were waiting for her. This entire time. Weren’t you?”

 ���No!” He tried to get closer, but stopped at the expression on your face, “No! I love you, I –”

 “Cause ain't n –nobody like you. F- familiar disappointment every single time I do.” You began to recite, your hiccupping sobs making it hard to understand.

 “Y/n. Baby, please let me explain – ”

“Every single night my arms are not around you. My mind's still wrapped around you.” You shut your eyes, your entire body shaking as you wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to figure out how this was happening to you.

 “Baby, tell me when you're ready.” You opened at the sound of a choked sob coming from the other side of the room. Shawn was on the floor, his head between his hands as he sobbed, shoulders shaking.

 You were silent, trying to stop yourself from rushing over to him and holding him in your arms – something you had grown so accustomed to that now you felt like you were having an out of body experience.

 “Do you still love her?” 

That wasn’t what you had planned to say, but you needed to hear it. You needed to know if the last two years were a waste, if the ring on your finger had ever meant something to the boy you thought was going to be yours forever.

 Shawn was silent, his shoulders slumping as he threw his head back.

 “Shawn?” Your voice was sterner than it had been all day.

 “I – ” Another wrecked sob flew through him.

 You covered your mouth as you felt your chest close up again. Shaking your head, you took a deep breath – you were not about to have another panic attack right now.

 You gripped the vanity to your left, using it to pull yourself to your feet. Your mind went hazy from how fast you rose, your head already pounding from how hard you’d been crying.

 “She told you she was ready, didn’t she?”

 All Shawn could do was nod, his eyes not opening as he placed his head back in his hands – his elbows on his knees as he started crying again.

 You threw your head back, urging yourself not to cry – but nothing could stop the whimper from flying out of you, your eyes shutting again.

 Everything was silent again. For a few moments, you hoped that he would say something. That he would get to his feet and explain that everything was a misunderstanding – that he would take you in his arms and hold you, telling you that you were the one he loved. The only one he loved.

 However, things weren’t that simple. They never were with Shawn. But never before had you doubted where you stood with him.

 “I – I can’t do this.” You found yourself saying, his head snapping up – bloodshot eyes meeting yours.

 He was on his feet before you could blink, “No. Y/n – let’s talk about this, please.”

 You hesitated, before shaking your head. It was too late for talking now. You had waited for him to act and he had left you dry.

 “You need to figure yourself out before we can do that Shawn.” You spun the ring on your finger. “I can’t be with you if you’re not a hundred percent sure about me.”

 “I love you.” His voice cracked, a single tear traveling down his sculpted cheek again.

 “I love you too.” You sniffled, taking the ring off your finger – Shawn immediately flinching back, “Please. Please don’t leave me.”

 “You lied to me. You used me as a placeholder for her. You still love –”

 “I don’t. I don’t.” He was shaking, his hands coming up to fold behind his head, “It was a spur of the moment, baby – ”

 “I know you, Shawn.” You were tired, and he was delirious. You couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore, and you were afraid that if you kept this up any longer – he could convince you to stay.

 “Call me when you figure everything out. And then we can talk.”

 You placed the ring on the counter, the clang of it hitting the marble making Shawn flinch again, but you didn’t let yourself get phased.

 You took one long look at him, before turning around and walking out of the bathroom – and ultimately the house.

 He didn’t call after you once.

__________________________________________________________________

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[putschki1969]

Wakana Winter Special Live Matataki Osaka Live Report

So, I thought I would use the opportunity to write a quick report on my Shinkansen ride back to Tokyo.

Venue: This was my first time attending a concert at a live house so this was a pretty new experience for me. Everything is so small and intimate. Thank God they had seats prepared. For a long time I was worried this would be an all-standing live (which I absolutely would have hated). Umeda Quattro was a pain in the ass to find though. It’s hidden quite well on the 10th floor of a pretty inconspicuous building. And if you have ever been to Umeda, you know it’s a pretty spacious station. The elevator is out of service in the morning so we had to take the stairs to line up for the goods. I am so happy that her Osaka lives were completely sold out, Wakana deserves all of her concerts to be sold out! I really hope the Tokyo venue won’t be too empty, it would make me really sad, especially since it’s her birthday. Btw, I really love how it pays off to be a fan club member these days! I remember back in the Kalafina days being a fan club member never made a difference when it came to your seats. But I have always gotten a good seat with my Botanical Land application. So as always I suggest you get yourself a membership if you are planning to attend any Wakana lives in the future.

Acoustics: The acoustics naturally weren’t the best but I thought they were decent enough. During the Day performance I had a seat in the very first row right in front of Wakana. The sound was well balanced in that area. During the Evening performance I was in the third row all the way on the right side so the sound wasn’t too great there (it wasn’t balanced at all and since the speaker was right next to me, everything was a little too loud for my taste but it was bearable). I thought Wakana’s microphone had just the right volume to suit the instruments. She wasn’t overshadowed by the drums or anything.

Stage production and musicians: There wasn’t any special production, just the musicians behind Wakana. As far as I am concerned they all did a good job, especially the girl on percussion, she was really into it. I didn’t think they could make all her songs work with just piano, percussion and guitar but they managed to make everything sound great. Enjoyed all the arrangements!! Wakana was wearing a gorgeous flowy red dress that was giving off major Christmas vibes. She just wore her own pair of boots, the one we have seen her wear all the time recently. For the encore she put on her Aki no Sakura outfit. Couldn’t help but look at her pretty ankles, I have never seen them this up-close *feels like a perv saying this* There were obviously no cameras so there is zero chance of this being released in case anyone was wondering. I always get so many questions regarding releases :P

Vocals: Personally I thought Wakana was flawless during the very slow ballads but I didn’t enjoy her singing all that much during the high-tempo Kalafina songs (I never really did). Then there are songs like Kinmokusei and Yakusoku no Yoake where I know she is purposefully using a higher pitch but at times she is treading a fine line between sounding lovely and screechy. But overall, she delivered a strong performance despite doing so many songs in one day. I was expecting her voice to get a little weak during the Evening performance but for the most part, she did well. You can tell she has really worked on her stamina.

MCs: Wakana was much more nervous during the day performance. She kept screwing up and saying the wrong thing in the wrong order XD It was utterly adorable. She was constantly holding her water bottle/towel. It happened at night as well but she was much more confident there. During the first MC of the Day performance Wakana noticed me in the first row and pointed out that someone was wearing one of her outfits. Imagine my happiness!! I was over the moon! To have her say this in front of all these people. Waaaaaahhh!!! Senpai noticed me XD At the end of the Evening performance during the final greeting Wakana started crying because she was overwhelmed with feelings. They were happy tears because she was reflecting on all the things that had happened that year. It was a good and productive year for her after all, she can be proud. She tried squeezing her nose to stop crying but it didn’t work. Precious baby *sobs*

Day vs. Evening: In total three songs were different at the Evening performance. She sang Hard Rain instead of Boku no Kokoro no Tokei, snow falling instead of Yasashii Uta and she added a double encore to sing Ato Hitotsu. I am expecting the Tokyo lives to follow a similar - if not the same - pattern. Overall the evening audience was a bit more engaged. Louder clapping, proper singing along and a standing ovation at the end.

Thoughts on various songs: Not gonna go into detail regarding every single song. Eve was most definitely one of the highlights! I originally said that lyrics would seem overbearing with this sort of song but the way they arranged it made it work. Such a gorgeous song!! And Wakana’s vocals are simply outstanding. I remember her saying in an Instagram post that she was struggling while rehearsing this song since the notes were so high. At the time I read that post I was a little confused because she doesn’t actually sing that high in the short studio version. Now it makes sense because this full version with Japanese lyrics has super high parts and oh my God, Wakana sounds amazing. She is using a fuller voice which suits the song much better. Cannot wait to hear this two more times!! *so excited* I really hope this song is re-released soon!! I need to have this on CD!!! Orange was really good but nothing to write home about. I always enjoy Boku no Kokoro no Tokei and this time was no exception, I was a little bummed to have it replaced with Hard Rain during the night performance but hey, at least this way we got more songs. And she did a good job with that too. I actually liked this performance more than the one from the Voice tour. Her singing was nicer and she improvised a bit towards the end. I already mentioned Kinmokusei earlier, I absolutely love this song and generally enjoyed the performance but occasionally Wakana is getting to a range that doesn’t sound pleasant to my ears anymore. I know she is going for a pentatonic sound and maybe I am just not used to that but some notes were just too high for my liking. But it didn’t take away from the performance, it’s one of my favourite songs from her album so I am super happy she decided to sing it. As expected, I liked Yuuyake much more once I saw it performed live but it’s still not among my favourites.

Ahhhh!! The Christmas section! I was hoping she would sing a few Christmas pieces and YAY, she actually did!!! A staff member brought out a small chair and a lyrics stand for Wakana (since all the songs were in English she struggled quite a bit so I am guessing she had some notes to help her with the pronunciation). That Silent Night performance was utterly gorgeous! It started with the pianist using a fancy organ setting. Wakana started slowly by using a very warm and ethereal singing style - almost operatic I would say. I literally broke into tears, it was so unbelievably beautiful!! Wakana needs to release a Christmas cover album RIGHT NOW!!! After the first epic verse the other band members joined in and the song became a bit lighter and joyful, towards the end it was almost a pop-like arrangement, not sure how to explain it. Quite fascinating as a whole, I genuinely enjoyed the different styles used in the song. I didn’t know the second Christmas song at all and Wakana’s Engrish made it very hard to decipher the lyrics. But thankfully I understood the word “eskimos” so I just looked for a Christmas song that had “eskimos” in the lyrics XD Turns out there is only one, The Christmas Song. Not sure why Wakana decided to sing this. Maybe it’s very popular in Japan? No idea! Anyways, it was okay. She sounded lovely. Don’t really care for the song though, there are MUCH better Christmas songs out there that would have suited her better but I am sure she had her reasons. All I Want for Christmas is You on the other hand was PERFECT for Wakana. Such a pleasant surprise. You could tell that she had sung that song many times before, she felt much more comfortable with the English lyrics. And she slayed!! It’s no easy feat to cover a Mariah Carey song but she did it quite brilliantly. This is not a song I usually enjoy but Wakana made me like it!!

Now we get to Kalafina’s section which was surprisingly my least favourite. I will be honest, I didn’t like her Kalafina song choice here at all. The fact that she decided to stick with the original fast arrangements didn’t help either. I wonder why she didn’t go with a slow acoustic arrangement...that would have helped her a lot....Wakana has always had a hard time with these songs, you could tell she was straining her voice even back then during Kalafina days when she had Keiko and Hikaru singing alongside her. All by herself the songs got so much harder. Wakana admitted that these songs were super hard for her but she wanted to perform them for the fans. Seeing everyone’s happy face was worth the struggle according to her. As always the cheers were super loud for the Kalafina songs. Eden was okay, I know the song means a lot to Wakana and she really did her best but meh, she was out of breath a lot. Into the world was definitely my favourite in this section. I actually thought she was gonna sing Natsu no Ringo because the intro sounded just like it but no, it was just a fancy intro that transitioned nicely to the more familiar sound of into the world. She sounded solid during all parts and it’s just such a perfect fit for the journey she is now taking. It was quite moving to have her sing it. Her final “into the world” was amazing!!! Didn’t like ring your bell at all!! Probably my least favourite performance of the live. I never liked her singing style in this song and except for the final “ring your bell and raise your song” I found her singing quite screechy (mostly during the chorus). And for some reason she didn’t sing the bridge which is hands down my favourite part of the song (where she typically uses a more fitting and lovely singing style). Such a shame. (;_;)

Wakana is so much better with her own mid/high-tempo songs. Tsubasa and Kimi Dake no Stage were lots of fun!! Everyone was clapping along! Nothing out of the usual, pretty similar to her Voice performances I would say. But the best was without a doubt Koi wa Itsumo!!! Still cannot believe how much I love this song, it’s so freaking good!! Just wish she would have sung the “baby, baby” parts but since some parts are overlapping with her other lines she obviously couldn’t do it XD At the end she was asking us to sing along to the “haha koi wa haha itsumo haha sekai wo kaeru no” part and eventually we were singing all by ourselves. It was really nice. I am happy the audience participated. Usually it’s hard to get Japanese audiences to engage in something unexpected like that. During the Evening performance everyone had already figured it out so they were much more involved. She ended the main part of her live with Yakusoku no Yoake. Once again we got the gorgeous organ setting and Wakana sang a slightly slowed down version of the intro. It was so much better than the studio version or the performances from the Voice tour. Reminded me a lot of the first verse of Silent Night. The rest of the song was good but a little too high pitched at times.

As for the encore, OMG, Wakana’s solo versions of both Yasashii Uta [Day] as well as snow falling [Night] were PERFECT!! Utterly flawless!!! I am so grateful she sang these two songs, I was really hoping and praying for snow falling!!! Don’t even know what else to say about it. I personally didn’t mind the absence of Keiko and Hikaru, Wakana managed well on her own. Aki no Sakura was slowed down a tiny bit for the live I think...liked it much more like this. Generally it was a very good performance that made me appreciate the song a lot more. Ahhhh, so happy we got Ato Hitotsu as double encore during the Evening performance. It wasn’t as moving as her Voice performance but still super lovely.

Okay, that’s it for me. I had a blast. Not regretting going for all four Wakana lives. Cannot wait for tomorrow.

[moon-beam95]

Friends and Family

By Moon-beam95

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy

Pairing: Ben Hargreeves x Reader

You weren't entirely sure how it happened but one moment you were being held hostage and the next you've seemed to have gained two limpets. One a sarcastic shit starter and the other an angry bad-ass with a knife kink.

You'd just gotten in from a long day of College followed by hours at work, you had just toed off your shoes when you felt a sharp pain in the back of your head and the world tilted before turning black. You came too, tied to one of your kitchen chairs while some idiot ransacked your front room.

"Ugh" your head ached like fuck "Really, what the fuck did you hit me with?"

"Shut up" the figure said slamming a drawer closed, another you hadn't seen slapped you upside the head, yeah ouch as if you weren’t in enough pain.

'In case you haven't noticed, this place is a shit hole. The most expensive thing in this place is those shiny ass boots you have on."

"I said shut it," the first man snarled.

"Wow," you said raising your eyebrows, "just trying to make a little conversation."

You tilt your head to see the other man before jerking it towards the first, as if saying get a load of this guy. "But, seriously, fuckin' moon shoes, kinda throws off the whole ascetic you got going on."

The silent one said nothing, exchanging a glance with his partner, who stalked towards you pulling out a gun.

You let out a low whistle. "Yikes, someone's a little touchy."

The man cocked the gun as two more figures appeared behind the gun roaring thug wearing black eye masks. One grabbed the first and the curly haired mask wearer moved to the silent thug.

While grateful for the save all that was running through your mind was. "How the fuck do you people keep getting in my house?"

As a fight broke out your two saviours seemed to have the upper hand as they wrestled through the flat banging into everything.

"Hey watch the TV"

"Ouch that gotta hurt"

"Careful! Blood is a bitch to get out."

The thugs thoroughly out if it, the knife toting hero cuts you lose while the other rocks back on his heels. "You know most people would be grateful."

Springing out of the chair, you ignored him pushing past. Seeing the mess you drop to the floor and gave a wail.

"Hector."

"Errr Lady, you ok?"

They crowd you wanting to see what caused such a sound only to see you carefully cradling a cactus above a broken plant pot. The curly haired one gave a laugh, but knife kink just looked extremely bewildered, before tentatively patting you on your shoulder.

"There, there," he said. "Sorry about the mess and err, your loss but we gotta go."

And with that remark they were gone and you were left with two passed out thugs gazing around a wrecked apartment, looking mournfully at Hector, wondering how the hell you were going to explain this to your mother.

The next night after a long conversation on home safety with your mother and questions by the police the doorbell rang. Opening it you were greeted by the two men from the night before.

"You," you said, shaking a finger at them dramatically.

"Klaus" said the curly haired one.

"Diego" said knife kink.

They held out a rather large plant pot containing a small cactus wrapped in a sparkly green bow.

"For you know," Diego snorted, "Hector."

You opened the door further and invited them in taking the offering cooing and saying. "I shall call you Judith." Before kicking the door closed.

That was the start of a rather strange, albeit dangerous friendship. You learned that Klaus could see the dead and that Diego despite being extraordinarily good with knives, it was not his power but could in fact hold his breath for an astonishing amount of time. Which, BTW, prompted a lot of jokes.

You three often stumbled into weird situations and you watched them fight off crime from the sidelines providing a running commentary. They were beyond cute, despite often bickering you could see how much they cared for each other. Klaus seeking any sort of thrill to hide from the dead and Diego a total mother hen, a worrier.

It was one such situation that saw you meet Ben. Who worried about Klaus' disappearing and thinking he was out scoring drugs saw the two of you and followed you intent on warning you away from his brother. Which quite frankly was adorable!

You can see why he got the wrong end of the stick, you were after all skulking around an alley in the dark.

After leaving the two brothers you began the trek home, slipping down alleys to make it quicker. You could hear footsteps behind you and sped up only to let out a shriek when a hand grabbed you, spun you and pressed you against the wall.

Eyes wide, you stared up at the Hooded Hottie™ caging you in, one arm across your neck the other above your head.  You gulped as the boy glared down at you, despite the situation you noticed that he was rather beautiful, even when looking like he was inches away from killing you or perhaps that was what made him so attractive.

He opened his mouth but paused at the sound of people running and suddenly he was wrenched from you as you gulped air. Klaus and Diego. You slid down the wall, body shaking as they stared at the boy.

"Ben," said Klaus. "What the hell?"

Ben, you thought, their brother, as Diego helped you up and dusted you off

"Why" Diego bit out when he didn't answer, "did you have Y/N by the throat?"

His eyes flickered between his brother and the girl who shifted behind Diego more, eyes wide in fear. Diego would never allow Klaus to buy drugs which meant that he had royally fucked up. He lowered his hood.

"I thought you'd gone out to get drugs."

"What" Diego said crossing his arms.

"He's been acting shifty, leaving at all hours, more hyper than usual."

Klaus laughed, slinging an arm around Ben's shoulders, tugging at his cheeks cooing. "Awe, so sweet. He cares."

Ben slapped his hand away looking at the half hidden girl, before rubbing his neck rather sheepishly.

"I'm so sorry about all that."

You stepped out, smiling. "Eh, shit happens."

He let out a laugh, grin stretching across his face. You blushed, he really was cute.

The brothers looked on in amazement at you both flirting.

"You act like this is an everyday occurrence."

"Well, when your friends with these two," you trail off, jerking a thumb in their direction. "Also a guy usually buys me dinner before we get to the whole choking thing."

His laugh rang out, echoing throughout the alley and you were gone, never knowing that the sentiments were returned.

The three amigo became four and you all often holed up in your apartment. It wasn't uncommon that you'd get home from work or school and find them there, having tea with your mom, helping make dinner, just making themselves at home.

Your crush on Ben grew and you found yourself a blushing mess often lapsing into silences. You were drew in by his rather obvious devotion to his brothers and his mischievous personality .

Unknown to you, Ben had noticed you change in attitude whenever he was around vs how you acted when it was just his brothers. He hated that you didn't feel comfortable around him, especially since he was becoming rather attracted to you.

Ben scarcely talked about his powers and you soon found out why. All four of you had just left the cinema after watching a musical (Diego's choice) when on the way to the pizza shop you came across a robbery. A rather large group if people holding up a gas station. The boys jumped into action and you stepped a safe distance away but still close enough that you still had a full view of the fight. It never ceases to amaze you how they moved so separate yet as part of a unit. You were eager to see how Ben would fit into the dynamic.

With Klaus and Diego getting quickly over run, you let out a gasp as Ben stepped into the centre of the room drawing fire. He doubled over, clutching his stomach before springing back up and tentacles burst forth from his chest. They whipped round subduing the predators. His eyes caught yours and his face went white. Now that the robbers had been dealt with you all quickly made your way from the crime scene. Slipping down an alley you all pause, catching your breath. You turn to face Ben and he shifts not looking at you.

Diving at him, his eyes go wide as you fling your arms around him, he raises his arm pulling you close. He breathes in your scent, relishing having you close. You squeal into his ear -

"That was so cool."

He lets out a relieved laugh, before you pull back and whack him upside the head.

"How could you do something so dangerous, idiot."

He stares on in shock as you rant, Klaus in the background letting out a mournful "You never say that to me."

Ben's eyes drink in your impassioned figure, admiring the fire in your eyes. Steeling himself he surges forward, one hand wrapping round your waist the other reaching to cup your face and pressed his lips against yours.

You pull back blushing in shock and he starts to apologise before you return the favour.

So there you were down a grotty alley pressed against a blood covered boy while his brothers hooted and whistled in the background.

It was about damn time.

[thefandomsurfer]

Top 10 favorite TG/RE characters? I dont think ive seen a sorta list other than really liking Suzuya. haha.

I’ve actually done a top 20 one for Tokyo ghoul before! However...It changes all the time so its probably a good thing you’re asking me this! Chances are if I get asked this question again in the next month it will all be changed around lol.

 Also I love explaining why I love characters and stuff so Im actually happy to be doing this.

Heres some honorable mentions because there is a chance that if theirs a next time for this-They will be in it because I love them that much:

(Some one I previously didnt care for but now after rereading it like)Furuta-

Ui-

Rize:

Tsukiyama-

Kaneki-

Uta-

Eto Yoshimura(Oof I love her why isnt she in the top 10 wtf me-):

Now onto the list!!

10. Karren von Rosewald

I really...really feel for this character. I dont think shes trans-So I will be using female pronouns and her real name. Karren is someone that I at first had a hard time liking-She was hurting another character I liked after all-But as her arc went on and her character got more fleshed out-I started to like her more and more. Her desire to be loved and just seen by Tsukiyama pulled at my heartstrings and made but just want to hug her. I will forever wish we saw more of her.

9. Hairu Ihei

I really liked her-Even in the very beginning. She was cute and had a funny personality that meshed well with Ui. And then the more intriguing side came out of her-The sorta sadistic and badass side. Hairu was fun to watch fight and I really loved her quinque. And her want to be seen by Arima-It was very similar to Karrens want to be loved-Although not as fleshed out. Over all I wish I had seen her more, especially with Ui because that would have been great and she would probably be higher!

8. Amon Koutarou

Amons someone weve seen since the beginning. He was someone who was really into justice and killing ghouls because that was justice was to him.  However after he was taken and turnt into something he hated most his veiws changed and with that my feelings did-I’ll be honest he was sorta...boring at first. I laughed at his ‘push ups for the dirty minded’ and I also rooted for him and Akira-However there was just something...Missing. And then his return came and that something that was missing was put their. An extra layer and a change of heart! And because of this and his actions in Re: He made it on this list. 

7. Kurona Yasuhisa

I have a soft spot for twins in general-So me loving her was almost decided right off the bat. Her stone cold sass and love she carried for her sister-It made me love her a lot in the first series. And in the second when shes driven by revenge and anger I still loved her and continued to do so. I think her little relationship with Kaneki, Seidou, and Ayato was really cute to! I would have loved to see more as it was both really amusing to watch as well as fun to see the fight scenes with them. Her sass carried onto her later form-maybe to a even greater extent tbh however her character grew to move passed vengeance and even admit jealousy. I just grew to love her even more as time went on.

6. Seidou Takizawa

I wasnt fond of him at first. He was mean to Akira, Annoying to Juuzou, and just overall...bland. So normal and trying to one up other characters then getting bitter because he couldnt. But you see...After rereading the story I realized that he was supposed to be normal. A completely normal guy who never did anything he wasnt supposed to. And thats why when he got taken with Amon and he broke and turned into something completely different it made such a huge impact on the viewers. It was because of how normal he was that his return was so...great. And after that I really, really loved him. Everytime he was on screen and grew I craved for more. And his relationship with Akira and Amon, as well as later on with Kaneki and his little group that teamed up was so interesting and fun to watch. Although it could be just as heartbreaking as fun when it comes to Akira and Amon.

 5. Saiko Yonebayashi

Saiko wasnt someone I liked at first tbh. She was kinda annoying and I wondered why she was their in the first place but then...She developed and got so, so much better. And before I even knew it I realized I was falling in love with her throughout the whole series. Her compassion and want to do the right thing, the actual right thing, made me love her so much. And her love for Urie and Mutsuki-Ow my heart. She was funny and loving and made me smile almost everytime I saw her. And her backstory, although definitely not the saddest in the series, was still enough to make me understand her and pity her. And Something else I loved about her was the fact that it didnt define her. A lot of the other characters got stuck in the past-She didnt. She moved on. And I loved that about her so much.

4. Akira Mado

Akira~Oh geez do I love her. Someone who, in my opinion, is very underrated in the fandom. Shes so wonderfully written as a dominate female character in the show. She is feminine looking wearing skirts, dresses, heels, and having long hair and unlike most shows this doesnt stop her. She is one of the best investigators, rising in rank above a lot of the male ones. Akira has a sharp tongue when need be as well and doesnt take anyones shit. But despite this she inst just strong. Her emotional side is very vulnerable. She cries and makes choices that make her second guess herself. And her journy to forgive Touka and starting to care about Ghouls and their safty-It all made me love her even more. And thats not even getting to the topic of her relationships with Amon, Haise and Seido haha

3. Touka Kirishima

Touka is a wonderfully done character. Her development from a girl who was very angry and hurt to a woman who was understanding but still willing to fight for the people she loves was done great in my opinion. She had to grow into something else then a hateful ghoul and she did. I always loved her. I thought she was a very strong woman that still had depth to her. Her relationship with Ayato and Hinami being the first things that I started to love about her. And when everything started to crumbling for her she mourned but then she got right back up again. She started another Cafe and then she met Haise and got her life on track again. She fought when she had to and protected who she needed to. And overall my love for her grew more and more powerful as the manga went on.

2. Mutsuki Tooru

Now, Once again, I know this character is hated. Like excessively. However I...always loved him. Yes him. Unlike Karren I believe Mutsuki is trans so I will be using male pronouns. Mutsuki in the beginning was just so damn relatable to me. Having Anxiety, being more on the shy side but wanting to do the best you can. That was just...me. I really loved him for that reason and with that came the cuteness he brought. I thought he was really adorable. But then he changed. And the broken parts came out. I...felt so, so bad for him. And Mutsuki is also one of the most interesting characters to me. For me to analyze and watch his actions. And I understood why Mutsuki is the way he is. He was abandoned and hurt, Confused and broken. I felt things for Mutsuki on a different level then I did for almost any other character in the show. And thats why I love him so much.

1. Juuzou Suzuya

Is it really a surprise who my top spot is? Juuzou, My boy. My love. My hope. He is...My favorite character, maybe of all time, for so many reasons. Hes smart, and strong, and so very interesting. His growth into someone who is more intuned to others emotions was so very great to see. He has a squad now and some of my favorite things about him was his relationship with them and their respect and love for him. And juuzou is just so very cute but is also a complete badass. Something I love about him as well is his ability to say such...profound things in such a abstract way. And his love for Shinohara...now dont get me started. I could go on, and on about why I love him. But I’ll save you the trouble haha.

And there you have it!! My New Top 10! It was super fun doing this btw so thanks for that. ^^

Now Im going to go cry over how much I love these characters T.T

[dealingdreams]

Okay TROS thoughts...here we go. I’m putting them all below the cut in case somehow you’ve avoided spoilers

so general thoughts...i didnt hate it nearly as much as i thought i would so thats pleasant but im gonna break it down more

things i liked:

Adam Driver.  just Adam. Fucking. Driver my dudes. This is like a backhanded compliment because JJ is so fucking lucky Adam was cast because the emotional depth of the film rested literally all on his shoulders for me. I only felt the weight if he was acting in a scene. 

I’ll admit im biased but I did adore the interaction between Finn and Poe. Their bickering amused me and the tenderness between them was wonderful...I think Oscar played Poe a bit jealous as well which i liked.

the Reylo scenes to me where beautiful. Ben never lied to her, she tried to deny it but she knew he never did. I loved that he was kinda guiding her, protecting her, loving her, and antagonizing her all at once. I loved how soft their kiss was, their smiles are literally the light of my life. Rey’s face when she healed him. Ben just staring at her as she tells him she did want to take his hand...just chef’s kiss

I loved the saber fights. Ben’s fight at the beginning was hot as fuck...and his fight as newly redeemed Ben Solo was even hotter somehow.

 I enjoyed the fight scenes between ben and rey! how often ben just let her walk away, and despite that one scene which i will mention below...i like i even tho rey was rather aggressive idk...it didnt really feel like she was trying to hurt him much either? i just think they had a lot of chances to kill each other and didnt take it...so i like that

i knew she was looking at ben in that clip i knew it...she only makes that soft face at him

I always enjoy stupid ass C3PO jokes for some dumbass reason

Han and Ben’s scene was heartbreaking and beautiful. Again tho JJ is fucking lucky to cast Adam cause recycling dialogue from TFA wouldnt have worked at all had Adam not been so fucking amazing

the save chewie hall blaster scene was fun 

i liked how fucking dramatic children ben and rey were with that damn ship lol...no im gonna force pull it...no im gonna...what dorks

while i didnt like the entire way the force bond was used i did enjoy seeing it still strong and growing

confirming canon soulmate reylo was a highlight

ben’s hair looked bomb

finn’s outfit was cool

Jannah was beautiful (please correct me if i misspell her name)

dark rey was glorious tho 

that new little droid is literally me so i adore it

that sith cave thing was really fucking cool looking 

the visuals of the film were most of the time stunning 

sooooo...now to what i didn’t like:

I think this first one is the most obvious for those who know me but...Ben’s death just feels so utterly useless to me. especially when they gave him a metaphorical death earlier in the film. i feel extremely hurt and betrayed. Disney has gone out of their way to make us sympathize with Ben Solo. They’ve revealed more and more of his past...how alone he was, the abuse he suffered from snoke and palpatine. just fuck...they just kill him...the moment he realizes he’s free and loved they end his life....literally WHAT THE FUCK. it’s a chicken shit way out of a redemption arc honestly. Not letting u just breath after his death was also so horrible. We barely got to see Rey mourn, we got a split second of it then it jumped to another scene...another second of her looking sadly at her sabor to have the moment interrupted 

tag on to above but...they didnt have him as a force ghost cause Disney is intentionally keeping where he is ambiguous so they can sell more shit which pisses me off so much

thats not how the force works

there couldnt have been that many sith could there??? cause like there can only be 2 at one time....fucking rule of 2 so how the hell were there that many

palps being like...see i actually want you to kill me...is ridiculous

rey palpatine is the most idiotic thing i have ever heard. Rey being a no one from no where was such an amazing thing. Just anyone can be strong in the force...you dont need royal blood to make you worth something....then they just retcon that??? the fuck I MEAN THE FUCK. 

Finn does nothing but worry about Rey the whole film. I know folks dont like his storyline in TLJ and while i understand that and do think it could have been written better i still adore it because Finn grew. He grew from just caring about a small group of people to caring about an idea to caring about something bigger than him. I didnt see any growth in his character in this film. His heroics were beautiful to see and I enjoyed seeing his heart but that was John’s acting more than the writing it think. 

sidelining rose was fucking disgusting 

the trio felt forced to me

the leia scenes didnt work for me honestly and they mostly just made me sad

bringing in lando now felt weird 

ive wanted force sensitive finn for a while but didnt feel right

why the fuck have finn want to tell rey something but never do...ugh i hate storytelling like that

they never explained how palps is back...he just is

rey stabbing ben felt odd to me. i loved the moment when she healed him, and i know technically her anger and darkside was coming out and she acted on instinct...nevermind that even before leia called out to him ben coudnt follow thru with the killing blow. 

....i’m sure i’ll think of more as i get angrier 

anyways over all...id be lying if moments didnt make me laugh or smile...if i didn’t feel a sense of nostalgia and enjoyment for 80% of this movie. The thing is that even with so much of it being enjoyable to me it still felt void. An action movie, with new characters, a confusing plot and very minimal emotional depth.

The emotion hinged soooo much on Adam or me. The biggest reason for that aside from that fact that Ben Solo is one of my all time favorite characters, is that the things Rey is dealing with in the film are directly related to her being a palpatine...and i HATE THAT. Like straight up wanna fling it into the sun. 

Rey never needed to be related to a force royal bloodline. She should have been allowed to remain strong because she was just strong. Kylo’s equal in every way, not because she was the granddaughter of a sith which btw you can’t inherit force powers. Retconing something so touching and unique from TLJ was just...fucking idiotic. All to please the loud but small misogynistic fandom that thought a woman couldnt be that strong on her own so she must be related to someone

The biggest thing....tho is killing Ben. it felt so unnecessary and just...i feel so betrayed. The interviews leading up to the film got my hopes up that i was worried for nothing. I always thought they’d kill him, because cinema seems to not know what to do with characters has tragic as him without just killing him in the end. we already got a redemption = death plotline in this franchise...why couldnt we get a redemption = life instead??? My friend who doesnt even like sw that much...tros was actually the 2nd sw fim she’s ever seen...thought it was unnecessary as well and agrees with me a lot about my feelings despite not having the same intense emotional attachment to him as me. She for a moment thought they’d be together at the end but nope. Its just...pointless to me now, the sacrifices han, luke, and leia made to reach Ben are for nothing. Their deaths...pointless...Ben means so fucking much to me. I’ve never felt such an intense emotional bond with a character before so im just hurting so fucking much right now.

Rey taking the name Skywalker isnt hopeful or cute its a slap in the face honestly...and it’s just weird! 

The last Skywalker died loved and held by the woman he loved and that is beautiful to me. He died happy and a hero thats a balm at least...but to not let him be the one to kill palpatine...after everything EVERYTHING he put him and his family thru was another just fuck...i wanted justice for him and he just got thrown away

Ultimately...Ben and Rey are soulmates and their force bond was severed. Palpatine didnt take that from them because he couldnt have...again not how the force works....but JJ used that bond to be a battery???? the fuck...but ultimately hes forcing Rey to live the rest of her days with a gaping wound in her soul. a wound unable to be filled and will be with her for the rest of her life...thats so fucking tragic to me. you give rey someone who is her equal, who understands her, and you take him from her and force her to be alone for the rest of her life?? and we are supposed to not see that as a tragedy? Her being fineishness at the end of the film seemed like direction from either the writing or in the moment, but just further proves he didnt bother to even understand the lore he was using. Force bonds were considered i quess legends in the current SW canon but Rian brought it back...so it’s back. and well

  "A bond between two living beings is not something easily broken. It is not a choice… it is like breaking a feeling. Like turning away from the Force. To break a bond, your feelings would have to change, or one of you would have to die—but even then, the bond wouldn't go away, it would simply… it would simply be empty, a wound."―Master Zez-Kai Ell[src]

and .... the only way to break it was to turn away from the Force, as Surik did on Malachor V. So basically it all came down to creating a wound in the Force”

sooo yeah...im pissed i’d give this movie a 1 1/2 out of 5 

thank you for those who have read my rantings! I hope at least some of this made sense

[superkitty21]

So, The Rise of Skywalker was a thing

I laughed, I cried, I sighed in disappointment, but somehow, despite everything, I liked it. (Major fucking spoilers for the whole movie btw)

Okay, I don't know where to start so I'm gonna talk about the Palpatine thing. This film feels like the writers went in and tried to "fix" alleged plot holes in the previous films. As someone who loved TLJ, Rey being no one special was something I found engaging about that film. The Star Wars franchise is really obsessed with legacy and blood and heritage (especially that of your male line) and Rey being nobody was a refreshing break from having to justify your character as a protagonist by proving them to be the special. I'm really annoyed that Rey couldn't just be Rey she HAD to be someone special, the granddaughter of someone IMPORTANT to 'explain' her talent and skill with the force and to justify her role as protagonist of this franchise.

On top of this, revealing Palpatine to be the master manipulator of this whole conflict felt so cheap to me. TLJ completely shifted the status quo and took the Star Wars franchise to places we haven't seen before. So returning to the plot line of "we must defeat the evil Sith" betrays the ending of TLJ. I was excited to see where this franchise was going next after the explosive ending of TLJ and finding out that we were just going to rehash plot beats from 40 years ago was more than a little disappointing.

The sequel trilogy has been a balancing act between pulling on our nostalgia strings and telling a new story and The Rise of Skywalker, in returning to Palpatine as the villain and making Rey his granddaughter, tipped the scales of this trilogy to boring rehash and it all feels like such wasted potential.

The romantic subplots in this one were... messy (to say the least). It felt very clear to me that the writers didn't know where they were going with Finn's romantic arc at all throughout this series. I'd like to start by saying RIP to Finn/Rose shippers because the writers utterly dismissed Finn and Rose's ENTIRE relationship. It's not even acknowledged that these two even know each other outside of the context of co-workers. The complete sidelining of Rose in this story is almost shameful. I can only assume this was done in response to the massive harassment campaigns targeted at Kelly Marie Tran post-TLJ. Not only was caving to the racist trolls and removing Rose from the story disrespectful to Rose's character, but it also made Finn's romantic arc so incohesive. They brought back the Finnrey dynamic from The Force Awakens, but then never developed on Finn and Rey's relationship in any meaningful way. It seemed as if they were going to make the stormtrooper defector, Jannah, a love interest but then never really went there either (thank god). It was messy and unfocused and I had no idea where they were going with any of it, and it turns out they didn't either.

They also decided to give Poe a love interest. out of nowhere. in the last film of this trilogy. Pour one out for Stormpilot shippers because that ship sank harder than the titanic. In trying to fully assert Poe Dameron's heterosexuality they felt the need to add a completely irrelevant and frankly out of place romantic subplot for Poe. Did doing this add to the story in any way? No. Did it add anything to Poe's characterization? No. So I have to assume its there to make sure everyone in the audience knows that Finn and Poe could never, in any way, shape, or form, under any context, ever, EVER be in a romantic relationship despite their obvious chemistry. Legit, the scenes with Poe and Zorii in Kijimi felt like an ad for a Poe Dameron tie-in prequel novel.

Kylo's redemption arc isn't the best I've seen. I'm generally not one for redemption arcs being motivated by external factors (ie your mother dying) rather than an internal realization and growth. There is an argument to be made that Kylo has been explicitly shown in struggling with the light the whole trilogy, but I still would have liked more lead up to his eventual switch and for the choice to be more his own rather than compelled by his mother's death and his girlfriend giving him puppy dog eyes.

Absolution through sacrifice is also a big pet peeve of mine, but somehow it worked for me in this one. It's probably because Ren's redemption is really isolated to his relationship to his family and Rey. Given that his most egregious actions were to his immediate family I wouldn't could it as a flaw in the film and it certainly made it easier to buy in to arc. And I never got the feeling that TROS never fully absolved Kylo of his crimes against the galaxy. Similarly to how despite his final sacrifice, Darth Vader is still seen as evil by the wider galaxy, I get the sense that Kylo Ren despite his heel turn will be in a similar position. I won't begrudge anyone who thinks his shift to the light feels to sudden, or that his motivations felt a bit weak, or those who generally just can't buy it, but it worked or me. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Now's probably a good time to mention that I'm a massive fucking Reylo and ate every scene of Kylo and Rey up like it was candy. I get why some people don't like this ship and I think if you're not on board with these two by the end of the film the ending to Ren's story won't be very satisfying. Given that I already loved these two's relationship that Ren's ultimate sacrifice got me straight in the feels and that contributed to my ultimate satisfaction with the film.

Okay, That's everything I wanted to be analytical about. Now here are just some random, unrendered thoughts.

*I absolutely adored the main trio in this movie. Their dynamic was fun and they all clicked so well together and made me what a whole nother trilogy about these three precious beans. Imma be reading a LOT of jedistormpilot fics after this because that unit was fantastic.

*I'm a bit peeved that they fake out 'killed' C-3PO cause his final goodbye was actually really touching. Bringing him back undercut what I thought was a really touching farewell.

*I don't think I've gushed enough about how much I adored all of the force bond stuff that happened in this movie because that shit was beautiful. I could not get enough of the Reylo force battles. Their final scene was *chef''s kiss* and I'll be rewatching it as much as I do the praetorian guard fight.

*Shout out to this film for remembering force sensitive Finn was a thing. I respect that.

*RIP Hux. I know I'm one of the 7 people who actually care, but I'm upset that he was given such a minor role and killed off by nameless first order general guy. Like he couldn't have even be killed by Kylo. smh

*The new droid was super cute. 10/10. Would buy a lifesize plush of that guy.

*This movie made me imagine Sheev Palpatine impregnating someone and I can never forgive it for that.

*The Knights of Ren were so unintentionally comedic to me. I genuinely burst out laughing every time I saw them because they were these back goons with these silly weapons that did basically nothing. I feel bad for anyone who was hyped to see them cause they were so inconsequential. The porgs in TLJ had more characterization than they did. One of the best moments in this whole movie was when a random stormtrooper that saw them and simply said "squad goals". I almost fucking died. That stormtrooper and Cait Salt-Licker are absolute legends.

*This may be the least visually interesting movies in the sequel trilogy. Don't get me wrong there is some gorgeous cinematography and shot composition in this movie. Every single scene with Palpatine was amazing and gave me chills, but it did feel like there were less jaw dropping stunning scenes in this one compared to The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi. No one moment really sticks out to me as much as say, the Holdo maneuver did in TLJ or the forest lightsaber fight in TFA.

I don't think this movie will be well loved by many people. People who've hated the sequels thus far may be won over by the return of Palpatine, but I don't think it's enough to win over the detractors. I think people who genuinely liked the direction these films seemed to be taking after The Last Jedi will be disappointed in how this one plays out. There was a lot to love about The Rise of Skywalker, but there was also a lot of missed potential.