#THE NATURALS NEEDS ONE SO BADLY
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I just realised that if the inheritance games were ever turned in to a show (which i would absolutely DEVOUR btw), people who haven’t read the books would come at my girl Avery for just existing 😭
NO BECAUSE SHE’S ALREADY SO UNDERRATED AS IT IS, AND WITHOUT HER INTERNAL MONOLOGUE SHE WOULD BE COMPLETELY MISCHARACTERISED AND PEOPLE WOULDN’T LIKE HER BECAUSE THEY WOULDN’T SEE HER FOR WHAT SHE IS.
I DON’T KNOW IF I COULD TAKE THAT.
like she would constantly be overshadowed by the four brothers because they are meant to have quirks and distinct personalities to show that they grew up to be cultivated a certain way.
Avery had none of that. She grew up normally, and has a very normal personality. She doesn’t speak in riddles, or wear suits everyday, or singe her eyebrows off, or even have hardcore dedication to the cowboy aesthetic. She is just a girl who gets sucked into a world where everything is so foreign to her and she’s just trying to make sense of it all. Even though she feels incredibly awkward she still does an amazing job as establishing herself as the heiress she is.
I love her because I see myself in her. She could blow up the houses of parliament and I’d forgive her for it. But in the books there are certain moments where she acts insensitive and is ignorant of other’s feelings. For example when she forgot Max’s, her besties, birthday. And though in the books you see her grow and become more caring for those around her, a show wouldn’t do justice to it. People wouldn’t like her for it, and keep on not liking her for it.
The show would become just about the brothers, and whether you were Team Jameson or Team Grayson, and everyone would overlook Avery even though she’s the MAIN CHARACTER AND ITS HER SHOW.
anyways, I LOVE LOVE LOVE AVERY AND EVERYONE ELSE SHOULD TOO.
#but like since were on the topic of book adaptations#THE NATURALS NEEDS ONE SO BADLY#I WOULD EAT IT UP#the inheritance games#the brothers hawthorne#the final gambit#the hawthorne legacy#avery kylie grambs#jameson hawthorne#the grandest game#grayson hawthorne#averyjameson#grayson x lyra kane#xander hawthorne#nash hawthorne
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do i finish dunmesh tn ..
#JOOO IM SO SCAREDD im going 2 sit at my desk tmr night like when i finished trigun just staring ahead . nothing 2 do .#but its sooo good i want to see it through😭AUGGGHHF#girls .. marcilles dungeon lord outfit …orz… omg ..#two standout scenes one from vol 11 and one from 12#loved kabrus panic @ his inability to stop laios and co from moving forward . loved how the panels were arranged#and i loved laios dismissive tone vs kabrus stuttering and the sleeve pull imagery again and again and it slipping through his fingers#and the attempts 2 explain utaya but not knowing how and later on feeling rooted in place w fear . SOOO GOODDD !!?#second being marcilles descent into mad mage type of headspace .like wanting and needing so badly to see her desires out#but recognizing the overhwelming nature the powers n wishes have granted her and the insufficient timeframe which 2 accomplish things#that one panel in particular of her yelling for laios to shut up!!shut up shut up shut up#STOPPIF ORS SOOO GOOD I LOVE THE ART THERE#eehee ok maybe ill get through vol 13 and hold off 14 a little longer just 2 have a little smt left over😭#plus i need to see chimera!laios so bad. at least i think thats a thing that happens idk for sure but im a believer .#dunmeshi#dunmeshi spoilers#dungeon meshi spoilers
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Let him dad her!! (Patreon)
#Doodles#Adventure Time#Fionna and Cake#Fionna Campbell#Simon Petrikov#I cannot BeLieve that they didn't hug at any point - illegal. One million years dungeon#She slapped him (deservedly) but they didn't hug by the end??? I had to fix it#Jerry is my favourite episode so that at least was an easy choice lol#If anywhere would be a good place to cross that line it would be to comfort her! I can't imagine he'd initiate tho haha#She's just seeking comfort so badly <3 I know she's at least legally considered an adult but she's still a kid!#And Simon just keeps adopting kids lol#He's a good dad :) Not a perfect one but y'know? He helps where he can#Sometimes all we need is a parent figure giving you a hug and saying ''You know what? You're right - this sucks. But I see you''#Fionna's quite interesting 'cause like - she's meant to be a Finn but there are a lot of differences between her and quite a few Finns!#A lot of that is Because she lived in Simon's head for so long but I wonder - most Finns have decent support systems and she seems a little#Well not lacking Exactly but her fallbacks aren't as numerous - and she's not able to fulfill her life's purpose so she's just kinda wayward#Seeing that kind of Finn finally able to spread their wings but still have a lot of Finn trappings like naivety and impulsivity ♪#She's interesting! I quite like her :D Plus it's cool to see her natural EQ when she calls out Simon later in this episode unknowingly haha#I stopped at episode eight for a while but year her line about ''Then you got on the bus right? :D'' and him refuting it#Hmmm ♪ It was certainly interesting - I'm glad they addressed it :)#Plus she's fun to draw haha ♫ Her bunny ears! And the jacket she took from Martin </3 She has a fun design#And as always Simon is fun to draw :) Especially piecemeal here haha - just his mouth or just his eyes ♪ Cute :)
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Was going through it last night so I took some pictures of my Prime!Sonic and Nine figures
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic prime#sonine#miles nine prower#nine the fox#nine sonic prime#I mostly just did dumb stuff#I had them hug for my soul#and then I had them implied kiss for my soul#I think it would be enough just for Sonic and Nine to meet again and have the biggest softest and longing hug you ever saw#I need Sonic to miss him so badly while Nine assumes he naturally forgot about him#I need them to meet again one day#i just be ramblin
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God I'm so fucking annoyed how come she gets to treat me however she likes and then gets to say she didn't mean it?????
#have u considered not constantly comparing me to ur abusive husband who hit u??????#since i was like 8 its really fucking weird#like who in their right mind tells their child theyre naturally destructive just like their father and then says ohhhhh but i didnt mean it#are u fucking insane#doesnt help that i look like him too everyone tells me that#and now she acts like me raising my voice once means she needs to walk on eggshells around me wtf#what about how u treated me from ages 13-16#freak#i cant believe this shes treating me like im some scary stranger as if shes not the one with full financial control and that im this horribl#person go kill yourself omgjdjsjsjwjwwhwhhw#fuck u#last year was the worst year of my life and that was wholy bc of u you showed me what place i really have in this family and that it was not#hing. how is sveryrone so ready to throw me away??#yet everyone else gets to say shes sooo proetctive and loving fuck off you wouldnt even tell them youre treating me badly diedie diediediedi#i want to cut so bad bro#but i promised myself i wont so#i mean i dont even have any way of gettibg blades so whatver#just remembered her reaction to me cutting#nothing. yeah absolutely no reaction. i thought the worat thing that could happen was her gettjbg mad at me again but no#i realised there was somwthing worse. she just straight up doesnt care#useless mother#im fine w u treating me like shit ive accepeted it that i have no place in anyone's life unlesss i hive into this but at least#at least stop trying to confront me like this#just let me rot in peace#i really dont want to do this anymore#any time now she'll ask me if i was pretending to cry so i wpuldnt have to go out w her now#as if that isnt insulting#and then she'll say i wasnt trying to be rude!!! as if she hasnt always treated me like none of my feelings r real. i only ever overeact. ok
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preemptively sorry for how fucking long this is it is YOUR FAULTT THOUGH!!!! large bowl of seeds for u. it is almost 2am sorry.
SO. there are. two ways to assign the prime defenders powers etc. the first way is just, like, categorize their existing powersets within the prt framework, & the second is to give them entirely new abilities based on the way worm works. delightfully, all the powers they Do have work really well for the most part, so even that doesn't require a ton of shuffling.
categorizing their pre-existing powers:
wiwi-- breaker w/ a shaker subclass. neither of them rated very high, but that's already a rare and versatile enough combination!!
dakota-- brute babeeeey!!! brute/mover its so straightforward. hell yeah babey. i don't know what he'll end up looking like post-heart removal & stuff but my guess is that'll end up looking more like a mover/striker.
vyncent-- now THIS one gave me trouble. i... hm. to say this without talking about stuff that i don't think has come up much already, (hey!! you're at that clockblocker pov! directly related to what flechette says!) i'd call him a grab-bag cape, irt the greats at least. post-greats-- again, i don't know what his powerset will look like after this arc! but if he's going all in w/ the fire magic, that would for sure be some striker shit! :]]]
giving them new powers... man i'm reining myself in so hard from five more paragraphs on Why exactly i'm saying all this.
wiwi still breaker for sure, maybe breaker-master, maybe master-stranger. yknow. powers are fluid, the prt categories are pretty rigid. i... don't know. enough about his situation yet to be clearer than that vague idea yet-- i really like the idea of him just. ditching his body & using a noncorporeal form but he still has to keep an eye on his body i think that's great. the noncorporeal form would b able to change its visibility but still b limited by proximity to the body. & fluctuating energy shit powered by fluctuating amounts of recent-death in the area, maybe probably also limited in that it's only accessible in his breaker form.... also i think u will appreciate this style note from the [UNNAMED PARAHUMANS TTRPG] i'm referencing a lot here.
dakota--in this situation he probably would not. have that mechanical heart and shit. he' would still be a mover/thinker-- thinker rating is for faster mental processing + senses imminent pain for the people in his immediate vicinity. not danger, just pain; it immediately registers ambiently & can be generally traced back to whoever it is. no he can't turn it off ever, it manifests as feeling a similar level of pain, yes it works on himself. + mover-- he can fucking fly. no super strength, just very fast flight & the general "won't splat himself flying into something" capabilities, which meshes well w/ the faster processing & reflexes. i'm split on how exactly this would work mechanically but i will NOT go into that now. i am also not going into the 15k discussion in my brain on why dakota 'notoriously bad at thinking about things' cole would be a thinker but u gotta trust the process ok??
vyncent-- trump!!!! somehow this is the only straightforward one to me? he can copy powers at the full strength or ability level of the original for an unspecified amount of time that's usually 1-30 minutes by touching the cape. crucially, he doesn't have any edge on how to use these powers + can easily misuse or become extremely overwhelmed by them. he's easily the most powerful out of the three of them <33
ashe-- ashe is NOT HERE currently and also it's 1:30 am so i gotta go fucking sleep soon BUT they would be a master. easy. :o) they can make some lil guys n do stuff with them!!!!
in general these are pretty fucking cracked abilities, all of them would b oosely above a seven or so in a number rating once they're really settled in their powers-- this is mostly because i'm assuming that they would still be heirs-apparent to the prime force equivalent, which would b the triumvirate :]] anyway. good lord. this is like the cliff notes edition of what i've been thinking and scribbling in the notes app for the past several hours. sorry if it's fucking incomprehensible. gn!!! <333
AAAAAH FUCK YESSSSSS OKAY OKAY OKAY my response is probably going to be equally as long. so it's fine. oooouh buddy.
I KNOW WHAT BREAKER MEANS NOW !!! I dontttt think ive learned shaker yet. breaker is like.... breaking the laws of physics/shifting planes or whatever. PERFECT for william hell yes. for putting them actually in worm world ... ughhhh breaker/master william is REALLY cool. I havwnt learned stranger yet but i think he would develop a complex over being classified as stranger <3 (like how weld doesn't like that he's classified as a brute even though that's not exactly what it means, he just doesn't like the word) . GODDDD just thinking abt putting pd boys in worm is fucking me up haven't they been through enough. I want to see them all in a fit of despair. william ditching his body is SO good I miss when he would do that, also the powers being limited by how far away he is AND THE AMOUNT OF RECENT DEATH IN THE AREA. holy shit. that's so fucking good . im sure he would not overthink at all the fact that he is stronger when more people around him have died . I'm sure he'd do awesome in the leviathan fight for sure for sure .
DAKOTA BRUTE <3 DAKOTA BRUTE/MOVER I LOVE THIS A LOTTTTTT hellbyes. awesome. it's so perfect for him <3 worm world I'm SURPRISED u didn't stick with brute for him. eyes emoji. I trust your judgement but now i am Thinking... Hmm..... YOU BRING INTO QUESTION something I have been thinking about. and I'm going to probably get derailed a little here but stay with me. how the way powers manifest directly relate to the trigger event. because for a WHILE before we learned taylors I was like "OH i bet the powers are going to be directly related to what traumatic thing happened to them" and then we learn about taylor and grue and a couple more and I kind of lost that theory because while you can. technically draw relations between their powers and their events it seemed like too much of a stretch to do . HOWEVER now my thinking has changed AGAIN and I think the powers ARE related to specific trigger events but it's not as straightforward as "oh something scary happened to you with bugs so now you have bug powers" I think it's gonna be more complicated than that. WHICH. THE WAY THIS RELATES. BACK ON TOPIC NOW. to DAKOTA . assuming his trigger event is still he and katori falling off the building I think it's AWESOME that his powers would manifest as FLIGHT for one. and the fucking. pain sense thing. fuck me up. dakota extreme hero complex cole would be so fucked up by a power where he ambiently senses pain from the people around him at all times and cannot turn it off. I'm sure he would feel so normal about being around william chronic pain wisp 24/7. also I can SO CLEARLY imagine how this power specifically would lead to him getting super overwhelmed in chaotic situations like he does in canon. and just fucking. bolt out of there because it's too much. again. he'd have such a wonderful time in the leviathan fight
I AM AT CLOCKBLOCKER POV !!!! actually technically I'm on kid win pov now but I haven't finished his chapter yet. vyncent grab bag cape..... yeah... I think it would be EXTREMELY funny imagining the PRT in pd world trying 2 classify vyncent like. what the fuck does this kid do . what do we do with him. hes got other guys in his head that give him powers. is he a master??? no he can't fucking control them. is he a striker??? only SOMETIMES. is he a blaster?? AGAIN ONLY SOMETIMES. cannot classify him bitch!!!!!!!! giving him worm powers though.. UGH. being able to touch someone and COMPLETELY copy their powers but only for a short period of time???? I fucking love that a lot. he WOULD be the most powerful out of them!!! I can hear taylors inner analysis dialogue about him now and it's very similar to the clockblocker "DONT LET HIM.TOUCH YOU" panic. loooove imagining this playing off of the rest of pd,,, i know there was AT LEAST one time where he had william sort of transfer some of his ghost powers for a minute? I think it was during the lich fight in the theatre but i just remember vycnent floating and going intangible and NOT KNOWING how to control it or anything. loveeee that. in world dynamics I feel like vyncent would be a late addition to their team (instead of coming from another world maybe he just. had his trigger event happen way later than the other two..or something.) and not trusting them as much at first/being REALLY shaky using either of their powers but after a while being really comfortable in a fight with using either Williams or dakotas powers in a fight. Just like. imagining the fluidity of how they'd work together in a tense situation assuming they're not being complete dumbasses <3333 UGH it's really good
AAAASHE ASHE ASHE IM SOOO SO GLAD YOU INCLUDED ASHE IN THIS I miss him.so much every day. from what I know so far master involves having/making/controlling some sort of minion (cannot think of a better word than that rn) AND I THINK THATS REALLYYYY perfect for ashe. i assume he would actually work pretty closely to canon in that his limitation would be the book? or if he doesn't have the book maybe his limitation would be a) having only a few different types of things he could summon (the big hand, the water fairy, duck etc) and/or b) only being able to control them.for a short amount of time after they're summoned so he has to be quick about dismissing them. can't keep the demon hand around for too long or it might start picking things up and throwing them at random. putting teammates in danger bc he can't control it anymore etc etc. alsooooooo in clockblocker pov they VERY briefly mentioned the possibility of having secondary trigger events (?!!!!?!?!) and you know I locked onto that SO FUCKING HARD. ashe being born with powers and then his secondary trigger event being his mom's death <3 im.NOT even going to attempt to talk about how the trickster would work in worm world/if it would even exist in this setting bc i don't know enough about the types of powers and things yet..but just know. I am keeping this in the back of my mind "this is a fun surprise tool that will help us later" style
#also side note but can i say. thw whole time i was reading the leviathan fight a persistent thought in the back of my mind was#“man i really wish they had a cape here who could control water- THEY NEED TIDE... THEY NEED TIDE SO BAD”#so like..really normal about putting prime defenders SPECIFICALLY in the leviathan fight. teehee (<< most diabolical laugh youve ever heard#I HAVE A LOT MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT WILLIAM TOO BUT..HMMMMMMMMM DONT THINK I CAN SAY SOME OD THEM YET#EXTREMELY interested 2 see whether ur thoughts on specifically him and dakota#will change after both the training arc and certain other events <3#hehehehehehehee#GOD I CANNOT STOP IMAGINING. PD IN WORM.WORLD. they would suffer so fucking badly man.#william wisp guilt complex about his powers turned up to 200#HAVING A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT ASHE ALSOOOOO . AS ALWAYS#now that i know more abt power classes i am VERY confidently going to put mark down as a tinker/striker.#with the tinker rating being SLIGHTLY higher than striker bc he uses the things he makes to amplify his naturally weaker striker powers.#tiiiiiide im thinkingggg would be. whats the elemental one.#not breaker bc thats specifically about breaking physics and i dont think that works for him.#is it shaker?????? i dknt think ive learned shaker yet.#U ARE MORE EQUIPPED AT THIS THAN ME whats tide. tide would also for sure be a case 53 right. i havent exactly learned what that means yet#but im assuming its the whole artifically giving people powers thing and. thats tide baby. idk if clones would work in worm world#so maybe its him and his regular siblings all being specifically given elemental powers#so they could work together as some super crazy powerful team. and then. that Doesnt happen <3#(idk if u have listened to the tide oneshot yet but. its good. if you ignore dodgeboy)#ANYWAY. i should start getting ready for work now. im having so many thoughts about this norlw#hollyyyyyy shit#infected my brain with worms (pun intended)#asks#friends!!!#intertexts#wormposting#jrwi pd#<< only tagging so i can find this later when i learn more and can properly yell about it#new haven wards
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oh yea they gave the mob vote the axe, good on ya mojang! genuinely wasn't sure you could manage it
#june speaks#minecraft#mojang's been killin it with the little things lately#i was amazed to see em pull this off cuz they almost certainly had to tussle with microsoft over it#the mob vote has always been a neat lil marketing trick for generating engagement which is essnetially free advertising#so naturally even as it started to cause worse n worse problems microsoft probably didn't want it to stop#but now it's gone and we're all gonna be better off for it#it was cool at first but like#the increase over the years of criticisms towards how minecraft is developed#(which can get a bit silly sometimes but i think is better than simply kissing mojang's collective ass)#plus how disgustingly popular members of the community could easily skew the vote#it just wasn't workin out anymore. it just generated hostility in the community and animosity towards the devs#and i'll be honest as much as i want new content in the game i don't think a new mob every year is sustainable#that shit would bloat the game so badly#aside from the copper golem and the inferno all the vote mobs fall into three categories;#largely cosmetic and forgotten about until you stumblr upon one#useful to a very niche subset of players and ignored by everyone else#and hostile mob you would likely actively avoid#which isn't to say these sorts of things are bad! plenty of non vote mobs also fall into these#but we don't need one of those every single year
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Quick round-up of a few small projects; Scarf. It is a scarf. Used the remaining silk/wool yarn I had left from when our yarn store closed, the yarn was really thin so I ended up holding it double and yeah, got a really cute, comfy Halloween-y scarf. Very happy to have it. I do regret making the stripes as thick as I did, like they look cute but between that and me making the scarf a smidge too wide, I ended up having to cut the scarf shorter than I would've liked because I didn't have enough yarn to make it any longer- at least not with evenly sized stripes. Like had they been thinner I could've repeated the pattern a little longer, but oh well, it is what it is. With the scrap yarn I just made this ugly little neck warmer, and yeah, it'll keep my neck warm indoors.
And then, using the scrap yarns from the bleeding heart sweater, made a very Crimbus-y beanie. Sidenote but I did actually pre-wash the fucking red yarn before knitting this, because I did not want a repeat of the dye bleeding incident. But yeah, it's a beanie. Again, held the yarn double this time and I'm glad I did because oh, it made the beanie so soft. It is so comfy y'all, I can not wait for December so I can wear it. I still have more of that red yarn left though. No clue what I'm doing with it.
#Moon posting#Yarncraft Diary#Yarnblr#Knitblr#Knitting#Why yes you ARE getting two crafting posts in one day today#Look if my neck gets even a little cold I will end up with a sore throat in an instant. But nothing I own has a high collar/turtleneck#And I don't want to wear scarfs indoors that's just inconvenient for me#So the little neckwarmer actually works fine for me#Hilariously I did actually run out of the white Malabrigo when doing the rim of the beanie#And I was just gonna leave it the way it was but once I was done and looked at it... I just needed a white pompom SO BADLY#The hat looked so sad and miserable without one#So while I was getting the plushie stuffing I did end up getting one ball of like some Drops wool/alpaca yarn (it was on discount too)#Just so I'd have something to make the pompom with because. Yeah I had no white yarn in my stash beyond some thin cotton yarns#Which do not work for making pompoms. (Trust me I tried and ended up wasting yarn) (Used it for plushie stuffing but still)#The natural white of the Drops matches the Malabrigo perfectly though so you literally wouldn't be able to tell it's a different yarn#Like maybe if you looked closely you might notice the rim is knit double (so the actual yarn there is thinner) but that's it#IDK I know what I want my next actual knitting project to be but my scrap yarns are haunting me and I wanna use them up first...#And it is nice to do smaller projects like these from time to time#But also yeah I'm getting tired of trying to figure out What The Fuck To Make with small quantities of yarn
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I have a very funny memory from my dad. When he came out to our friend as not only a system but a fictive of Leonardo he explained that he only formed at the tail end of last summer. Our friend's immediate response was "So you've never gone swimming before" to which internally he just began screaming "WATER?!?!"
The turtle instincts kicked in poor guy wanted to find the nearest lake
#no but I get it I've never gone swimming before either but dang does it sound good#I wanna go swimming SO BADLY....#I could just fill up the bathtub and soak...#but last time one of us took a bath water came out from the kitchen light downstairs 💀#I JUST WANNA SOAK IN SOME WATER..... BE IN MY NATURAL HABITAT....#Just let me be a turtle..#god I need to go swimming when summer starts I'm gonna start clawing the walls#🟢 Coolest guys ever#🪷 Kraang creature talking!!#🪷 Weirdos! (/aff) ➕👤
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"You use the wind to carry you here. You use the forest to hide inside."
"You use all this and you don’t even want to be here."
"You don’t want to live."
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Like, fuck yes, that's exactly it!
How can you lament that a place wants you dead when don't even want to live in the first place?
#Why do you want so badly to possess a place when all you do is fear and despise it?#I really do think this needs discussed more#I'm obsessed with it#They spend so much time thinking that their conflict is one of Man vs. Nature#Not just with the landscape itself but with Tuunbaq as a representative and protector of that landscape#When really it's anything but that#Man vs. Man#Man vs. Self#Man vs. Society#Take your pick!#Mix and match!#The Terror#The Terror AMC#I'm definitely going to think more and write something longer about where each character fits on that spectrum of conflict#At which points they move between the points on the spectrum#At what point they realise they're doing so and if indeed they realise at all in the first place
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HELP. SORRY. I CAN ONLY VAGUE ABOUT THIS. BUT. HELP. HELP. IT IS ACTUALLY SOOOOO FUCKING UNSETTLING AND DISTRESSING....... god I HOPE this has half as much of a visceral reaction in you guys as this does me bc. Ohhhhh my god it's SO DISTRESSING. IMMENSE PSYCHIC DAMAGE TO ME.
#LIKE. LIKE#it was MEANT to be more subtle. esp more subtle of an expression. still like. ohhh my god i need to make a guide but#it was supposed to be subtle. but it just wasn't Having the Effect. that Jumps out at you and fills you w this unplaceable Horror#IT'S SO FUCKED. IT'S SO FUCKED. IT'S SO UNNATURAL. IT'S SO UPSETTING. INSANELY FUCKED UP#i can't give any more details. i can't spoil this one. just know i'm Dying. BADLY.#ggggooodddddddd this comic is so. beat after beat after beat after beat. like. YOU CAN SEE. THE PARALLELS.#AND THE INFINITE FEEDBACK LOOP. it's just soooooo funny to me bc a lot of it wasn't even intentional#EVEN THOUGH. A LOT A LOT OF IT. WAS METICULOUSLY PLANNED. but like. these guys just Do That themselves.#you put them in a room together and they just do that. naturally. for all of eternity.#something deeply wrong w both of them.
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rant incoming, see prev post (transphobia tw)
#i didn't want to add on to the prev post but yeah that kinda hit home#i came out as trans to my parents about 2 months ago#i was so scared to tell them for years exactly because of what prev post was talking about#i had no idea how they'd react#and then when i finally told me they said they needed time#which sure i understand that#and the first week they still talked about it but in this way that felt like i was the cause of all their suffering#and why would i do something like that to them?#and you're not really going to mutilate yourself are you (meaning medically transition)?#and you can't expect us to use different pronouns for you that's ridiculous#and how dare you even think about changing your name etc#and they say it's because they're worried about me#because what would other people think? what would the family say?#and surely no one will ever fall in love with you if you're trans#they think I'm purposefully setting myself up to be isolated from society forever#meanwhile they are the only one's who've reacted this badly#so that was all said the first week so naturally after that i was scared to bring it up again#and they haven't really talked about either since then#except for the way my mom keeps suggesting i dress more feminine and keeps buying me clothing from the female section#and send me pictures of girls with pixie cuts when i told her i wanted to change my hairstyle a bit#and during Christmas dinner my grandma brought up someone who I don't know who came out as trans#and spoke about how that person's mother or grandmother had reacted badly#and my mom was defending the transphobic person in that story#while i was sitting right there!!#meanwhile my aunt and grandma (who don't know I'm trans) where definding the trans person#and i just urgh like i know it's not easy for them but they just make me feel so guilty like I'm somehow ruining their lives#and i feel stupid for wanting that unconditional love and support from my parents#like they'll say they love me but it feels so hollow when they won't even acknowledge this major part of me#and i really just don't know how to feel about it all#vince talks
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Last week I helped with a training for one afternoon and we were in a lovely little park by a lovely little stream and many of the salmonberries were ripe! And I couldn't figure out how that snuck up on me so completely. Someone pointed out that it's June and I just laughed it off as how time flies by. Only many hours later I realized-it’s because of my new job. I started at the beginning of May. A month of not being significantly outside near daily after two years of it. That's all it took. Such a short time to come so untethered
#I really am happy about my job! but I have been thinking melancholy thoughts about this#I've really come to value the low key awareness of natural rhythms#Not for a purpose just in general like oh the osoberry leafs out first in the spring and watching the relative order of things#I don't want to be like one of those white girls but when I volunteered on Kuaihelani we had a huli 'ia practice#And regularly communicating our observations of seasonal changes across the landscape legitimately improved my ambient awareness#And...idk I felt like that skill made me more...in context as a creature of the world#So yeah 2 years outside almost every day and I didn't have a log or anything but the general awareness has been a part of me#So to be blindsided so badly#To miss all the middle stages of salmonberry ripening. Not to have a first day of seeing a ripe berry in the field#It's grief. A small petty tremendous grief#Like I'm ok and it's a valuable reminder I need to figure out how to get myself outside closer to every day again but on my own time#But it's real#And so is being happy about my new job genuinely! I just needed to express this too and I don't have great spaces to do that#So here we are! Thanks for listening if you're still here haha
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The way my sister's arrival here is still over two weeks off but the nightmares are back already. I KNOW im gonna be in the fucking trenches
#all i want is a prayer circle she WILL as she said only be here for three weeks and then fuck right off again#thats shes not just gonna arrive here dump her shit at my moms and be like surprise......im not leaving again no backsies#apparently her life is turning to shit in every way possible and shes been pretty deep so my mom has said like#if youre actually suicidal id rather have you come home and rebuild your life again from here instead of being dead#and im like wow thats heavy @my mom i understand you saying that.#but also. shes ruined things here so badly no one actually wants her here again so it's like. my mom already has too much going on.#the cancer has improved her mood and energy is better and to think my sister would come here and be that burden again. absolutely not.#very much a make your bed and lie in it type of situation. youve burned all these bridges. do us a favour for once and maybe stay gone tf#ANYWAY right after her arrival theres a school holiday so i know my sleep is gonna be even worse w my upstairs neighbours rip#the week after the school holiday is my week off though. i NEED to look into quiet nature stays and get tf out of here somewhere safe#she doesnt have my address my mom doesnt keep it written down either but the knowledge there'd be some miles between us....yeah.....
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you what I think isn’t fair.
#people#WOW CRAZY MARI????#yeah yeah just listen#hypothetically…#if I know someone and yknow I love them and I understand that yknow not everyday is the same#and that we have off days and people have problems#shit I know I do#but it’s not a reason to just completely ignore someone for any reason#I’m aware that I do it but under certain circumstances you would think that people who you would assume are close and yknow just real good#friends would just be like hey I can’t talk today or I’m feeling this way and boom communication.#I get that things are over bearing and that sometimes life fucks up#but that’s still not a reasonable explanation as to why you act differently with people#especially when all they are trying to do is be there#I know some people will need space and time to deal with themselves but even then#when is that a good time to just push people out#all you do is hurt the other person on a deeply emotional level and make them just not wanna be around you#and that to them makes them feel shitty cause the way you treat them they will sometimes do the same#a person who just kinda realizes something’s wrong WILL STEP AWAY FROM YOU#if that person has a feeling they will do what they can to protect that sensitive lil part of themselves#it’s really hard for the person being hurt to wanna be around a loved one that simply just does not get what they are feeling#people will change when they feel you change and it’s a natural reaction to a situation that they are being actively hurt in#that person so badly wants to be able to do all the things they used to do with the person they love#and they just can’t#it’s like a wall is there that only the other person can break down#it’s been done so many times and yet that hurt person is gonna be there with an open heart as long as you treat#the heart they give you with care.#🕷️ — rambles!!
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Slightly, microscopically related to last post but Toon!Catnap & Dogday’s friendship is so important to me. They’re besties, they’re made for each other, they know how to handle each other and calm them down. They’re soulmates to me in the most platonic way I can possibly put it omfg, no-one can understand them the way their sun or moon can
I’m not the biggest fan of Daydream as a romantic ship?? But I don’t really hate it, they’re just the queerplatonics ever to me
#I love the idea that Catnap is the only one DD is vulnerable around#or expresses his negative emotions with#Dogday is the first to hear Nap’s voice and is the only critter to hear it more than once#their relationship is special and I don’t think they need to call each other boyfriend to keep it that way#just thoughts#berryboxed#proxy rambles#which also makes the BBI versions more interesting for me#like you took a pair with a relationship so special it can’t be properly labeled and fucked up SO BADLY that you turned them into that???#skill issue#instead of forming that special bond with Dogday maybe it got mistranslated into Catnap’s obsession with the prototype#Theo’s prior… favorable opinions of it and my interpretation of Nap’s nature would certainly cause that after all
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