#like you took a pair with a relationship so special it can’t be properly labeled and fucked up SO BADLY that you turned them into that???

[unnamed-proxy]

Slightly, microscopically related to last post but Toon!Catnap & Dogday’s friendship is so important to me. They’re besties, they’re made for each other, they know how to handle each other and calm them down. They’re soulmates to me in the most platonic way I can possibly put it omfg, no-one can understand them the way their sun or moon can

I’m not the biggest fan of Daydream as a romantic ship?? But I don’t really hate it, they’re just the queerplatonics ever to me

[enbylesbianism]

ANY WAY THE WIND BLOWS: Simon Snow trilogy wrapped! (review)

Hi, there! It took me a while to finish this post, as I could talk about it for... a long time (not necessarily a good thing), but I got it! I like praise, so if anyone wants to tell me I did a good job... Also, I might edit this post later on. I don’t remember anything else I’d like to add, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I did after posting. My brain does not obey me. Anyways, off to it! By the way, I won’t give this book a real rating.

While this is a review on Any Way the Wind Blows, I intend on analysing some points of the overall series too. The book starts where Wayward Son left off, the end of the road trip, Simon and Baz having problems in their relationship, Penelope helping Shepard with his curse... and the whole situation of the NowNext vampires. Rainbow Rowell only seems to remember the first part. That leaves us with the second book of the series ignored almost completely, with the exception of Simon and Baz’s feelings as well as Shepard’s existence.

Don’t get me wrong, aspects of the book are mentioned, but never in a truly important way. Lamb, the Vampire King, is mentioned by Simon, but only focusing on his and Baz’s relationship, never about the fact that there are a bunch of vampires (supposedly ‘evil’) in the U.S. but I guess what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right? I could count on one hand the times the NowNext vampires were mentioned (like, literally, this isn’t an exaggeration, I looked up ‘NowNext’ on the e-book and only got five results), all of them either being one of them considering telling someone else about it, then not following through with it, or dismissing it as a concern for Lamb. Which makes the plot of Wayward Son completely useless for the trilogy. Now, that wouldn’t matter as much if everything else had been properly developed, but we definitely can’t say that.

We are introduced to a brand new, poorly developed villain, Smith-Smith Richards, whose character arc is as ridiculous as his name. He’s one of the fake Chosen Ones that started appearing after the events of Carry On (and the only one to be mentioned and/or defeated, for that matter). It becomes clear that presenting as Simon Snow-ish is part of his brand, especially when Baz describes him as looking like the Netflix adaptation version of Simon, and that he was raised and guided by his uncle, who’s just... there. I don’t think it would’ve been hard to make him manipulating Smith-Smith into believing he’s the prophetic savior of the Magickal World, which would not only make both of their characters more interesting, but it could also serve as a parallel of Simon’s relationship with the Mage. Richards also has some special powers such as increasing a mage’s magic for a limited amount of time, but taking it away afterwards, as well as making someone immune from spells. It’s worth saying those aren’t skills that are usual in the Magickal World, or else there wouldn’t be so much confusion and shock from people (specially Baz and Penny, who would definitely have heard of something like this before), but we get no explanation on why or how Richard has them.

Then, we have the Salisbury’s. We, as readers, already know Lucy and Davy are Simon’s parents, making Ruth his grandmother. It’s noticeable that Rowell builds up to that discovery, by making Simon get along with Ruth instantly, him thinking about Lucy a lot etc. It makes us excited to read the part where they actually figure it out, to know how Simon would deal with that, him dealing with the fact that he’s the Mage’s son and the fact that, technically, he killed his father. I suppose that’s the point, but actually getting to that part was incredibly underwhelming. The way they discovered about Simon—being able to lift a family sword—hadn’t been mentioned or hinted at before. One would’ve expected Simon, who’s particularly interested in swords as it’s mentioned many times throughout the series, to notice a freaking Excalibur at the Salisbury’s place before. 

And speaking of noticing things: when it’s finally revealed that Simon is Lucy’s son and the Mage’s heir, Baz pointed out the uncanny similarities between his boyfriend and the deceased Watford principal. “Those narrow eyes. That tilt of his head. I thought... I thought he’d learned it. Was imitating it.” + “Merlin, Simon, you even look like him.”  (Any Way the Wind Blows, chapter 86) Simon was the Mage’s protégé for years and I assume the Magickal authorities knew that he was the one to inherit all of his money and personal belongings, but no one, in the whole British Magickal community, thought about them being related? I refuse to believe there were no conspiracy theorist teachers at Watford or that Mitali or even the Pitch’s alongside everyone who was against the Mage didn’t at least check to know if there was something behind those characteristics. Baz literally said (chapter 88), “I think it’s undeniable. I’d cast ‘Flesh and blood’ on them, but it would bounce right off of Snow (...)”, so there is a spell for that. Plus, we didn’t even have one whole chapter of Simon dealing with this information! The chapters (no more than five, out of ninety-one) were divided between Simon, Baz and Lady Ruth’s POVs. He’s the main character, so one would think he’d get more development.

Another point that felt rushed was the romance. While Simon and Baz’s relationship wasn’t, as it’s been a topic Rowell has explored for three books (we’re not counting Fangirl here, as their ‘participation’ on it was minor and their personalities weren’t as consistent as in the trilogy. Not that it is that consistent there), the others just felt like she wanted everyone to finish the trilogy with a pair. I’ll start with Shepard and Penny. There were fans who liked them together before Any Way the Wind Blows, but it wasn’t hinted at—it was more like a fandom thing. I personally like them as a couple, but it could have had development and, maybe, foreshadowing in Wayward Son. I mean, they did fight monsters during a huge part of a road trip together.

The next one I’ll talk about is Agatha and Niamh. I love them, don’t get me wrong. Actually, it’s precisely because I love them that I wish they’d gotten a better treatment. Niamh wasn’t introduced before Any Way the Wind Blows. I get why she wasn’t introduced in Carry On—it was interesting to see a character who wasn’t caught up in Simon and Baz’s drama during the school years—but a hint of her existence could’ve been left in Wayward Son. Agatha is an important character on it, and a mention of her father training an aspiring veterinary could’ve fit somewhere, as a hint, maybe. (Also, Lucy, the dog, being absolutely forgotten during this book when a lot of Agatha’s time is spent in a veterinary clinic...) Besides, we could get the vibes from them, but after they kissed, there was barely any content. We didn’t get them calling each other ‘girlfriend’ (or if they even like that label at this point), or the aftermath of the kiss, or a POV from Niamh. Or Niamh appearing the epilogue? If Agatha was taking care of the goats, I’m sure Niamh would have a part in that too. Still on Agatha’s character, but not on Niamh’s, it felt like Rainbow Rowell was setting up for aromantic and asexual Agatha, specially because of this quote: “It was like she'd pulled the feeling right out of my heart. I could have kissed her. (I still wish sometimes that I wanted to.) (That would feel like an answer to... the question of me. Then I could say, 'Oh, thats who I am. That's why I've been so confused.')” (Wayward Son, chapter 4).

And I was leaving the best (I need to be sure everyone knows I mean this sarcastically) of the romance topic for the end: Fiona and Nicodemus. It’s just... so forced and undeveloped. Not even because, to me, they’re both gay as hell. There was just... such a lack of development! I don’t think we had any interaction between the both of them before Any Way the Wind Blows. There was no foreshadowing or why would Fiona, a vampire hunter from a family of vampire hunters, would marry... a vampire! I’d already find it weird to see fanfiction of them as a crackship, but it’s canon?! Like, canon as in they’re going to get married and use Fiona and Natasha’s mother’s ring? Seriously, nothing will take from me that this is a lavender marriage (as I’ve already discussed with my best friend, which inspired this post of theirs.)

I’d also like to speak about a topic that’d been hinted throughout the series, especially post-Carry On, which is the criticism towards the Magickal Community in the U.K.. That criticism is very much embodied in Shepard’s character. It’s explicitly said that the British mages have some kind of supremacy towards other supernatural beings, such as vampires for example, gatekeeping literal magic. Up until relatively recently, mages with weak links with magic couldn’t attend Watford (and that’s a major plot point in the final book) and there’s a denial towards any other kind of magic except the ones that are part of their craft. Even within the Magickal community itself, there are more important families that are more likely to succeed, like Natasha receiving criticism for marrying Malcolm, as a Pitch. It felt pointless not to tackle the issues you’ve set up yourself in your own universe. Penelope has very strict morals related to magickal law and beliefs, something that she could’ve deconstructed, especially considering Shepard, her love interest, symbolises that. Another point related to that is, the trilogy is very clearly heavily inspired by Harry Potter, where many of those points are very clear (e.g. wizard supremacy in relation to other species, such as werewolves and domestic elves and the status quo that makes some traditionally magical families more influential than others, like the Malfoy’s vs. the Weasley’s), so it’s not an easily forgettable concept.

The series also had a lot of inconsistencies. The one I’ve seen talked about more often is Simon and Agatha’s... intimacy status, let’s call it that. Simon’s whole thing in the first book was that he struggled controlling his magic when experiencing intense emotions, which makes it hard to believe that he managed to have sex withount an... accident. Besides that, though, there’s this quote, “She (...) presses a kiss into my temple. No one has ever kissed me there. No one has ever kissed me anywhere but on my mouth” (Carry On, Chapter 27), but in Any Way the Wind Blows, when Simon’s about to have his wings cut, Agatha says, “It’s a strange feeling to look at someone’s chest and know it’s nothing to do with you anymore, but still to remember kissing every inch.” (Chapter 14)

So, we have established that Rainbow Rowell’s work, both character and plot driven, is flawed. “But we got the characters interacting for the closure of the series, at least!” Well... we got interactions between the canon romantic relationships, yeah. But besides that, we didn’t get much. There were no interactions between Agatha and Penny, or Shepard with Simon and Baz. Or Penny and her mother figuring stuff out. Or literally anyone with a therapist. And not gonna lie, the interaction we got between Baz and Dev was underwhelming, to say the least. Niall is nowhere to be seen, too.

Rainbow Rowell’s writing is beautiful: she writes poetic lines that make the book seem perfect at first glance, if you don’t think about it for too long. Her words are very shiny, but once you get use to that light and see what’s behind them, what’s between one shiny quote and another, it has so many flaws and plot holes that it reads like a first draft. There are many concepts in there that are genuinely good: the rest of the trilogy focused on the protagonist dealing with the trauma of being a child soldier instead of being entirely an adventure, Simon being unlabelled, a fake Chosen One that gives mages fake hope... Those are all good ideas, but so poorly explored that, despite being an entire book/trilogy, it still feels like a writing pitch or something among those lines.

I felt iffy about other things during my reading of the series, but they aren’t exactly plot points, so I’ll just list them below:

Mitali, Penny’s mom, including ‘discovering your bisexuality’ as a mid-life crisis thing 

As I’ve seen people talking about biphobia/bi erasure in the books, I’ll be including this post that features both unlabelled and bisexual individuals talking about the topic (it isn’t my place, as a lesbian, to talk about this, that’s why I decided not to do so.)

Romanticising of Baz’s suicide (a.k.a. chapter 61) in the first book. If you’re not in a good place mentally, like I was when I first read Carry On, I hope you know that a kiss or romance doesn’t help any mental illness you or others might have. Don’t let anyone use your guilt to manipulate you. Paraphrasing Alice Oseman in their graphic novel Heartstopper, love can’t cure a mental illness.

Any Way the Wind Blows was... very horny. I can’t point out how this makes the book bad exactly, but it wasn’t something I enjoyed. One of Rainbow Rowell’s strongest skills is that her quotes, when loose, are good. They tend to be poetic and just beautiful, overall. But in the... explicit scenes, these skills were barely used, and I felt like I was reading NSFW tweets off of someone’s private account on Twitter. Besides, the first two books of the series weren’t written like that, so the change was very sudden.

The older people could’ve been more explored. Penelope and Mitali’s relationship and how similar the both of them are compared to each other, Daphne and Professor Bunce’s insecurities and why they believed in Smith-Smith, Fiona, Nico, and Ebb... Also, the Mage and Lucy. We could’ve had more on them, y’know. 

The pop culture references. They made the book read even more like Twitter’s feed. Honestly, if I wanted to read prompts and nice ship content alongside memes from Twitter with some horny thoughts sprinkled all around, I would’ve opened the Twitter app. Or Tumblr, Instagram, whatever.

The POV switching felt lazy to me at times. It’s nice to know how different characters are experiencing that situation, yes, but sometimes, like during the discovery that Simon is a Salisbury, it read as if Rowell wanted to create tension, but couldn’t think of any other way to do it except the switching around.

Narrative wise, I think Simon and Baz should’ve spent more time broken up. 

[writethelifeyouwant]

Femme Fatale - Ch 1 / 2

Pairing: Alex x Reader (background J2) Rating: 18+ Tags: Dom/Sub relationships, Sub!Alex, Domme!Reader, Dom!Jensen, Sub!Jared, sex/bdsm club, voyeurism, exhibitionism, pegging, humiliation kink Word Count: 3.3k Created for: @spnkinkbingo - Dom/Sub

A/N: Thank you so much for being my first ever commission Sin! I've had a lot of fun tackling this challenge because I've never written a Domme!reader before but I really appreciate you trusting me with your idea, and I hope I do it justice ❤️

Series Masterlist

This is a weird idea, even for Alex. A night out with his cast mates isn’t unusual, and Y/N has gone along on plenty of group dinners with Alex, Jared and Jensen (that were essentially double dates) before, but they usually ended by closing out the hotel bar or crashing in someone’s guest room. They had never ended up at a proper club before, let alone planned a whole evening around going to a specific one. But that’s the plan tonight.

When Alex informs her that the location was Misha’s suggestion, it makes even less sense to Y/N. Misha seems like he would be the least likely of all of them to actually enjoy clubbing but hey, what does she know?

“Alex, I don’t have anything to wear!” Y/N complains from inside their closet, hoping her boyfriend can hear her through the bathroom door.

“That cannot be true,” she can hear the amusement coupled with a light mix of exasperation in his tone.

“What did they tell you the dress code was?” Y/N calls as she continues to flip through the clothes hanging in front of her.

“Misha said, and I quote, ‘dress slutty’.” Alex appears in the doorway to the closet and leans against the frame, tucking his arms across his chest. Y/N actually does a double take when she sees him.

“I see you took that advice literally,” she eyes him, gaze dragging across his body and catching against each new feature she notices like sandpaper running against the grain. Alex is dressed casually, but most definitely sluttily too. A loose and frayed wife beater hangs off his shoulders, showing off his waist where one side is tucked into his shorts. The elastic of his boxers is sticking out over the shirt too, which is completely on purpose in a move to tease. The denim shorts are tight, torn-up, and just to the knee. Y/N has seen him wear them before, and she knows when he turns around she’ll have an amazing view of his ass.

“I’m good at following instructions,” Alex smiles, clearly pleased with himself that he’d successfully fulfilled his remit.

“So eager to please,” Y/N teases over her shoulder as she goes back to thumbing through outfit potentials. “Honestly, the fact that Misha is telling us to dress slutty and not Jared must mean dress really slutty.”

“You could just not wear anything,” Alex offers as a suggestion. “Nothing sluttier than free access.”

“In your dreams, babe.”

“How did you know?” Alex is mock horrified and you laugh along with him when he breaks character. “Still can’t decide?” and Y/N shakes her head in response. “Can I pick for you? I do have a pretty good memory of all your sluttiest outfits.”

“Hey! Who you callin’ a slut Mr. Slutty McTightShorts?” Y/N rounds on Alex, comically enraged.

“You, duh,” Alex laughs and pecks her on the cheek as he moves over to a drawer where Y/N keeps her underwear.

Alex goes straight for the lingerie, Y/N should have guessed, and he pulls out a matching set of lacy thong and longline bra, both enmeshed in patterns of criss-crossed elastic and ribbons. Then he ducks down to the bottom drawer where Y/N keeps a load of her old college clothes that she’s too sentimental to get rid of, and rummages through it, clearly looking for something specific. He finally liberates a skirt that barely has the right to be called a piece of clothing. Y/N can’t even remember why she owns that. Finally he reaches for a swingy tank made of a light gauzy material. It’s really meant to be a cover-up for the beach because of how loose and flowy it is but Y/N imagines that is Alex’s intention behind picking it – he knows it won’t stay on properly or do a single thing to hide the bra she’ll be wearing beneath it. Alex hands her the pile of clothes, again looking very pleased with himself.

“You’re really not pulling punches tonight, are ya?”

“I just want to show off how awesome my girlfriend is,” Alex shrugs.

“Yeah, you want to show off all of her, apparently,” Y/N holds up the small skirt skeptically.

“You’ll look incredible, scouts’ honour,” Alex swears, grinning.

“If we show up and the others aren’t dressed super slutty, I’m gonna maim things.”

“I won’t stop you,” Alex laughs and pushes Y/N out of the closet. “C’mon get dressed so we can go down some alcohol before the car gets here.”

They’ve both knocked back a beer and a shot when the car pulls up and a message pops into the group chat saying they’re here. The night is close and warm outside of the air conditioning, and for that reason at least Y/N is glad to be wearing such a small amount of clothing. When the young couple slides into the car they’re greeted by Jared, Jensen, Misha, and his wife Vicki – another surprise to Y/N, as she doesn’t come out with them too often. Something about tonight must be special.

“Hey hot stuff!” Jared greets them, grinning as he eyes them both up and down. Jensen pinches him on the leg. “Behave.” Jared doesn’t let it derail his examination.

“Thanks, I know, right?” Alex jokes and ruffles his hair, throwing Jared a wink. Y/N gives him a side eye, silently imitating Jensen’s instruction of behave. Alex grabs for her hand and kisses it in a gesture of reassurance, dropping their joined hands to his lap and keeping them there. Alex is a flirt, just like Jared, but Y/N knows that he would never stray from her. At least, not unless she tells him to.

The car proceeds to drive them across town to an area of L.A. Y/N isn’t familiar with. She and Alex haven’t lived in the city very long, so it’s not like she’s expecting to know every inch of its nightlife scene but this place seems much more out of the way than she was expecting them to be going. The streets they’re trundling down are dark, not bright and shining with neon and glittering lights like so much of downtown tends to be. The occasional person or couple is walking along the sidewalk, but overall it’s deserted by city standards.

“Where are we going again?” Y/N pipes up from her seat, looking out the window and spotting another couple in dark coats holding hands as they amble down the side street.

“We’re almost there,” Vicki smiles reassuringly at Y/N, then turns to Jensen. “Tom texted to let me know he’s set aside a table upstairs for us, so everyone can just watch or they can join in, whatever you want.”

“Who’s Tom?” Y/N asks curiously, she hasn’t heard the name before.

“He’s our boyfriend,” Misha answers matter of factly, like he’s trying not to betray any emotion around the statement until he can judge Y/N and Alex’s reactions to that news. Y/N can’t pretend she isn’t surprised, but the more she thinks about it the more she realises that Misha is always quite private about his and Vicki’s relationship – this must be why.

“Oh, cool dude,” Alex laughs, giving an approving nod, almost like he’s impressed with Misha’s nonconformity. Y/N smiles. Alex always loves finding out about what people have going on ‘outside the box’, it helps him come out of his own shell just a little bit more every time.

“Can’t wait to meet him,” Y/N chimes in, just to quiet the small hint of wariness she can see playing behind Misha’s eyes. He relaxes visibly and smiles, much more his carefree and goofy self in that instant.

“Oh, s’that it?” Jared points out the window to a dim neon sign and a small group of people sitting on benches and little round tables, smoking. The block letters shine against the rough brickwork of the building they’re mounted on, grey and sophisticated, unlike all the garish colours Y/N would usually expect from a nightclub.

Femme Fatale.

Y/N hadn’t known what to expect when they got inside but she never would have expected what she’s witnessing now. Femme Fatale is a swingers club. Not just that, it’s a BDSM swingers club.

How had they known? Y/N wonders. She and Alex don’t usually make a habit of discussing that aspect of their relationship with other people. Especially since Alex is still pretty new to being a Sub. He had toyed with the idea of being a Dom in a previous relationship, and technically he labels himself as a Switch when people ask, but he once he had told Y/N that since he met her she brings out a part of himself he hadn’t really connected with properly before, and he loves it.

His eyes are wide now, blown out with obvious lust as Y/N watches him watch his surroundings. Jared is the same, and Jensen is watching him just as intently as Y/N is watching Alex. With how they act, Y/N always suspected that Jensen and Jared were in a Dom/Sub relationship, and she was quietly smug that she had been right. Misha and Vicki had left the party at their table on the exposed balcony as soon as their boyfriend Tom, who Y/N now understands is the manager of this club, had shown them in and sat them down. Now, Y/N knows what Vicki had meant in the car about them just being able to watch if that’s what they wanted to do, instead of joining in. Misha and Vicki have clearly opted to join in, and Y/N can’t see where they went off to, lost in the heaving crowd of people below them.

So far, she’s enjoying watching, and Alex clearly is too. His slutty shorts are doing nothing to hide the semi he’d popped almost the second they walked in. It isn’t so much her thing, but Y/N knows Alex has an exhibitionist streak, and she can easily imagine what must be running through his mind right now. Being out in the middle of everything, shown off, performing. And Y/N thinks she might like showing him off, showing everyone what a good little boy he can be for his Mistress, showing everyone how much control she has over him. How much he wants to do everything she asks of him, to please her.

“Jared,” Y/N looks away from Alex when Jensen speaks, and Alex looks up from the ground floor where he had been watching some of the people on display. “Do you want to go play?” Jensen asks neutrally, very carefully leaving the choice up to Jared, without betraying his own feelings on the notion.

“Can we?” Jared’s eyes light up instantly and Y/N smirks to herself. Jared and Alex are more alike than she realised.

“Yeah, c’mon baby boy,” Jensen smiles indulgently and holds out his hand to Jared, who takes it and follows him down the stairs to the play areas. Y/N looks back to Alex, whose eyes are glued to his cast mates’ backs.

“What about you, baby boy?” Y/N purrs, using Jared’s nickname teasingly and Alex blushes as she runs her nails up his bare arm. She’d never called him that before but it’s clear he likes it. “Do you want to go play?”

“I–” Alex breaks off, considering. “Can we just watch for a bit? See what everyone’s doing?” he asks nervously.

“Of course, sweetheart,” Y/N smiles and offers Alex her hand. They make their way down the iron grate staircase into the madness that has been churning below them this whole time. It’s easy to spot Jared and Jensen, despite the crowd. They stick out above the heads of a lot of the people nearby because most of them are bent over or crouched down to some extent.

They’re at the edge of the dance floor, in a space that’s still public but is cordoned off for more… intimate play. There’s two St. Andrew’s crosses bolted on the wall, both currently occupied with girls – one wearing an assortment of leather straps with metal studs poking out of them, and one wearing absolutely nothing but the cuffs binding her to the beams. Leather couches and benches are dotted around the floorspace, all covered with partially to wholly naked occupants engaging in every variety of sexual activity Y/N can imagine. Alex looks like a kid in a candy store watching it all unfold before him.

“You can watch whoever you want, but no touching without my permission, okay?” Y/N speaks into Alex’s ear so he can hear her over the bass of the music that’s vibrating through the crowd around them.

“Yes, ma’am,” Alex salutes her cheekily and starts to move away but she grabs the neck of his shirt and hauls him back, looking him sternly in the eye.

“Do you want to try that again with a little respect, baby?” Alex drops his eyes and looks penitent.

“Yes, Mistress.” He gives her a weak smile, asking for forgiveness, and Y/N decides to let him off this time.

“Good boy,” she leans up and kisses his forehead before giving him a swift pat on the backside. “Have fun, I’m going to grab a drink,” Y/N points to one of the bars lining the far side of the play area. “Find me that way if you want me, okay baby?”

“Yes, Mistress,” Alex nods meekly, giving Y/N a small kiss before he ducks into the crowd towards a group of spectators all watching a girl tied to a bench getting teased by her Domme and a flogger. Typical, Y/N smiles to herself and makes her way to the bar to order a glass of wine.

Wine in hand, Y/N spins on her heel and looks around the room. Alex is still where she left him and a few groups over she spots Jensen, his back to her, watching something else she can’t quite make out between everyone’s bodies. Jared doesn’t appear to be anywhere though. Y/N decides to have a look at whatever Jensen’s observing, curious what’s got him so stoically still. There’s a lot going on around him but it becomes instantly clear which performer Jensen’s watching when Y/N approaches and peeks over his shoulder.

Jared is on his hands and knees, in amongst a crowd of people. There’s a sort of black leather platform that he’s perched on, so they’re elevated from the floor. It puts Jared’s mouth at the perfect height to reach people’s waists, which he’s currently putting to good use by swapping between two men with their cocks standing out stiff from their jeans. Jensen is watching closely, smirking at the crowd all raptly watching his boyfriend. When Jared takes the man with the bigger cock so deep that his nose is pressed to the man’s stomach, Y/N can’t help but laugh.

“I see why you like him so much,” Y/N bumps her shoulder against Jensen and he jumps, looking down at her and grinning when his brain catches up to her comment.

“Yeah he’s good with his mouth,” Jensen agrees, smiling proudly.

“Nice of you to loan him out.”

“I like to think I’m generous,” Jensen shrugs. “But not too generous,” Jensen catches the arm of a man trying to round the platform to get to Jared’s ass instead of his mouth. “Sorry man, no guys back there.”

“Oops, sorry dude,” the guy backs off quickly, and Y/N is impressed by how respectful the whole exchange is.

“Is that Jensen only territory?” Y/N questions, wiggling her brow.

“Yeah I don’t like other guys fuckin’ him,” Jensen explains. “But I like girls pegging him, it’s fun to humiliate him like that.” Just then Y/N spots a small woman climbing into a strap on with the help of her partner, who drops to her knees to suck on the dildo a little before covering it in lube from the bottle on the ground by the platform.

“No kidding,” Y/N whistles lowly, in awe as she watches the girl push the black silicone inside Jared, inch by inch. The way his hole is pulsing around the intrusion is almost hypnotic. She tries to picture what Alex would look like, on his hands and knees amongst all these people, everyone watching him get split open by some little girl with a big dick… everyone seeing him loving it, like Jared clearly is.

Y/N hears Jensen laugh beside her and she jumps a little, clearing her throat in embarrassment at being caught out staring at Jared’s asshole so blatantly.

“Sorry,” she clears her throat again and takes a sip of wine to hide behind her glass.

“It’s okay,” Jensen laughs again. “I wouldn’t let him do this if I didn’t want people to watch him.”

“Good point,” Y/N acknowledges, feeling a little better. “And um, out of curiosity,” Y/N pauses, trying to frame her question politely. “How did you get Jared to agree to the pegging?” Jensen raises an eyebrow at Y/N curiously. “You know, one Domme to another,” Y/N elaborates, so Jensen doesn’t think she’s trying to ask if she can peg Jared. That’s the furthest thing from her mind right now.

“No kidding?” Jensen chuckles, clearly impressed. “Well, I don’t know what you and Alex get up to normally, but it wasn’t too much of a stretch for Jared. He gets off on humiliation and I get off on humiliating him, and this fits that bill for both of us.” At that comment, Jensen looks back to Jared and smirks before reaching down to adjust himself subtly, and Y/N laughs. “What about it is calling to you?” Jensen asks, and Y/N has to pause to consider that before she can hit on the answer.

“It’s the one part of Alex I don’t think anyone’s touched. I mean he’s never mentioned it if he has done it before but I don’t think he has. The idea of marking him like that, of having something no one else can have from him…” Y/N trails off, letting her thoughts spiral as she feels the space between her legs heat up. When she adjusts her stance, she feels the slick brush of wet panties against her skin. Yes, she loves that idea. The thought of taking that last first, touching a part of Alex that no one else has touched. Being literally inside of him. Fucking him into submission would take on a whole new meaning.

“Yeah, that’s hot,” Jensen agrees and Y/N smiles dreamily. Now she just needs to figure out how to bring it up to Alex. “Hey,” Jensen taps her on the shoulder and points over Jared to the other side of the crowd, “you might not have to do as much convincing as you think.”

Standing across from them, Jared still on his hands and knees between them being fucked at both ends, is Alex. His eyes are fixed steadily on Jared, the rest of the world a mere blur around him and the object of his focus. His pupils are huge, in part due to the dark of the club but Y/N knows it’s also to do with desire. She watches his eyes dart back and forth and realises that he’s not just watching Jared, he’s watching the dildo that’s steadily fucking in and out of Jared’s ass, following its movements closely. He licks his lips and Y/N smiles. Jensen is right, she’s not going to have to convince him at all. He already wants this.

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[animeyanderelover]

alright ok real request how about ciel sebastian claude and alois fighting over a a modern reader like they get trandsported to the black butler world and the four boys fall in love with them cause there so weird ya know? like gen z weird anyways sending my love ❤️

When those four men here clash together all hell shall break loose. Ciel and Alois Are aged up in here.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, paranoia, clinginess, manipulation, sabotage, desperation, stalking, mentions of kidnapping, mentions of killing

Fighting over a modern reader who got transported into their world

☕️🐈‍⬛Ciel and Sebastian were the first one to find you. You were stumbling around their mansion, confusion visible on your face whilst you mumbled something from where the heck you were and why everything looked like you were somewhere in the nineteenth century. Your clothes were really something else. Both of them had never seen something like this before. And when you saw both of them your eyes suddenly widened and in the next moment you were suddenly all over them, yelling excitedly something about that they looked in real life so much more cooler and handsome then in the Anime.

☕️🐈‍⬛Ciel labeled you at first as insane, telling Sebastian to remove that lunatic from his manor. Sebastian on the other hand sensed that there was something off about you. Your soul...It was almost like it wasn’t from this world. But this wasn’t enough to convince Ciel. That was at least until you pulled some weird object out of your pocket. A glowing box you called a “phone”. This was evidence enough for Ciel and Sebastian. There was nothing like this in their world.

☕️🐈‍⬛You had nowhere to go so Sebastian offered you to stay with them for the time being. Ciel was at first against it. He wasn’t too keen on the thought of having a dimension traveler in his house, but Sebastian has a silver tongue so it didn’t take much to convince his master otherwise.

☕️🐈‍⬛The objects you had were hidden somewhere where only Ciel, Sebastian and you had access to. You needed to dress yourself properly even though you strongly refused. No wonder, you were used to wearing stuff like “jeans” and “hoodies” and a lot of other stuff. You did possess some knowledge about how to act normally in their time, but Sebastian took it still upon himself to teach you everything.

☕️🐈‍⬛Both of them made sure that your secret was safe with them. So whenever the servants or other people asked you questions that would be a bit difficult to answer both of them talked for you. They even went as far as creating a fake identity and background story for you.

☕️🐈‍⬛They were also fascinated when you told them about your world and things like “airplanes”, “phones” or “TV”. You possessed more knowledge than Sebastian and were very well informed about the history and the upcoming war.

☕️🐈‍⬛The fact that in your world their life was an “Anime” brought very different reactions from them. Sebastian was amused at that whilst Ciel felt annoyed as well as embarrassed. Their faces when you told them that they were shipped in your world were priceless.

☕️🐈‍⬛You were weird and unique and both of them became quickly overprotective over you, simply because they were scared what would happen if someone would find out about you. And the more you told them stories from your world and showed them your really special character the more you fed them with their obsession. Ciel became obsessed because you knew so much he didn’t. Sebastian became obsessed because of your one-in-a-kind soul and because of the fact that you weren’t from this world.

☕️🐈‍⬛Both of them were quick to notice the interest that they both had in you and started to see it as a game of cat and mouse, using all tricks and manipulations to become your favorite. If one of them was already your favorite he would tease the other endlessly about it. Ciel had of course control over Sebastian, but he what kind of butler would Sebastian be if he wouldn’t find ways to get his private time with you?

👅🕷Now to how you met Alois and Claude. News spread about the new person who lived with the young Earl Phantomhive, catching Alois interest quickly. Rumors had it that this person was precious to Ciel. So why not annoy him a bit? He invited all of the Phantomhive household to a ball he held. Claude’s job was it to somehow isolate you from the others so Alois could have you for himself.

👅🕷When Claude saw you for the first time he knew that you couldn’t be a normal human. Your soul seemed somewhat different from all the others. He noticed also how Sebastian kept throwing warning glaring a at him, a signal to stay away. Ciel on the other hand noticed Alois eyes drilling into you and the mischievous look on his face told him everything he had to know. Sebastian and Ciel tried to stick together, but with 5 demons working under Alois one thing led to another and before you knew it you were suddenly in a more isolated area with Alois and Claude.

👅🕷You honestly didn’t know what to do, knowing how both of them were. Alois tried to talk with a sugarcoated voice, asking you who you were and what you were to Ciel. But he needed to admit that he found you very cute. Claude on the other hand stared intensely at you, not being able to wrap his finger around what exactly made your soul so special. You had no other choice, but to talk to him, careful with not spilling from where you really were. But both of them sensed that you were lying and Alois got more and more persistent with you until you felt like you would break. That’s when Ciel and Alois suddenly stormed inside to take you back.

☕️🐈‍⬛👅🕷There was terrible tension between them and quickly a heated argument started, with Alois and Claude demanding to know what you were hiding and Ciel and Sebastian trying to get you out of this tricky situation. Out of fear that a fight would interrupt you just told them the truth, silencing all four of them. Ciel and Sebastian out of shock because you had just told those two guys your biggest secret. Alois and Claude in the other hand were stunned when hearing that you came from another world. That would at least explain why your soul seemed so special.

☕️🐈‍⬛👅🕷But now you had the problem that you had Alois after you who desperately wanted to hear more from you and the world you came from and Claude who had formed a huge obsession over your matchless soul. Ciel and Sebastian both were against it, but you found that now that you had told them anyways it would be only fair if they would know as well. It took you days to convince all four of them to meet up and discuss some special rules.

👅🕷Just like with Alois and Sebastian they enjoyed when you told them what existed in your world and it didn’t take long for both of them to become obsessed with you as well. Alois fell hard for you and the fact that you were from another world gave his delusional mindset even more to feed on. You were truly an angel from another world. Claude was at first only obsessed because of your soul. But the more he got to see from your weird character, the more he became obsessed with you as a person.

👅🕷Alois didn’t even notice that Claude had fallen for you too and by all means, Claude hoped it would stay that way. Alois was a brat and whenever you were visiting him he spent the whole day with you. But Claude was a demon and had his ways to sneak you here and there away to spend time with you.

☕️🐈‍⬛👅🕷But this could only work that long without the other pair noticing. And then there was war. Because all four of them were incredibly possessive and wanted you for themself. Now you were stuck and needed to choose. Not like it would matter anyways. If you would choose one, the other pair would just kidnap you and vice versa. There will be blood spilled for you until one of the pair is eliminated.

☕️🐈‍⬛👅🕷If they should ever find a way to get you back then there’s a good chance that they would accompany you since you woke their curiosity. But if it’s only possible to send you back they’re gonna crush that chance in their hands. You won’t go anywhere if they can’t come with you. However, if you should find a way to travel back without them knowing then they will forget their grudges temporarily and will search together for a way to either get you back or travel to your world. Preference to the latter.

[scabopolis]

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

Hope that I do this properly 🙃

I would adore a XO between Veronica Mars (LoVe) & Once Upon a Time (C/S).

PROMPT: "I’m really competitive and drunk and I just told a rival that my relationship is way better than theirs, but they don’t believe you exist (but I’m too stubborn to admit they’re right)" OR really anything you'd like. Honestly, I'm dying to see Logan and Killian interact/co-swagger.

And / or another installment of "Come Rain or Come Shine" from In Lovers Meeting because I love it with my whole ❤️.

Thank you so much for doing this. You made my day,

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

Oh @jjmazzy​ you bring my heart so much joy! I didn’t feel quite up to the task to do a crossover between OUaT and Veronica Mars so I went straight for a OUaT AU. I hope that’s okay? 

This is just a silly little thing that I am realizing only fulfills about 40% of the prompt, but I think it’s cute??

ANYWAY! Enough hemming and hawing xx *** Title: Of Expats and Onion Rings Rating: PG Fandom: Once Upon a Time Pairing: Killian Jones/Emma Swan (mentions of Robin/Marian and a smattering of other characters) Additional Tags: Two out of three of my OUaT fics feature Killian as a bartender, silliness and only half a prompt, probably way more fluff than is medically recommended Word Count: 1,500

Every Friday night, Emma Swan sits on the same barstool at the same bar in the same restaurant. This Friday night has her staring into space as she lets the sounds from the kitchen and the bar swirl around her. It’s busier than usual, with almost all the booths and tables filled and the bar area half-occupied. In fact, when she first walked into the bar, she worried there wouldn’t be a seat for her. But the bartender caught her eye and waved her over, a menu and a glass of water waiting for her in her usual seat at the end of the bar. 

Said bartender slides her an Old Fashioned, extra maraschino cherries on the toothpick per usual. 

She takes a small sip of the drink. “Why is it so busy?” 

Killian’s eyes roam about the room and then come back to rest on her. “Some magazine labeled us the best kept secret in Portland, Maine.” 

“And in doing so—”

“Assured that we would never be a secret again. Yes.” 

“The pitfalls of fame.” 

“Burger or chicken sandwich?” 

“Burger. Any chance—?”

“Aye, probably a very good chance, but only because Graham is sweet on you.” 

Emma feels her cheeks redden. “He’s not sweet on me.” 

“Sure he isn’t.” 

She watches Killian step away from the bar and into the kitchen to talk to Graham. How Graham can manage to listen to anything given the noise of the dining room and the kitchen she’ll never know. Graham and Killian both look over at her. Graham rolls his eyes but nods, and Emma raises her glass in thanks. 

“Okay,” she says to Killian when he’s back at the bar. “He might be a little sweet on me.” She takes a long sip of her cocktail. 

Killian’s brow is knit with concentration. “Long day?” 

She nods. “I had a run in with Zelena.” 

“Ah. The wicked witch of the northeast. What’d she do this time?” The ticket printer next to Killian’s till spits out a long drink order, but he listens even as he mixes drink and pours glasses of wine. 

“She got engaged over the weekend and hasn’t shut up about it. And today, she took great pains to ask me, in front of everyone in the faculty lounge, if I’d be okay if she didn’t give me a plus one.” 

“Bit rude, isn’t it?” 

“Right? But then she kept going on and on asking how long it’d been since I dated someone, and did I know that after 35, forty-five percent of women’s eggs are considered genetically abnormal and her fiancé is a very wealthy furniture manufacturer and she’s certain he has some less attractive less wealthy friends he could introduce me to and on and on and on.” 

“Does she truly want you at her wedding?” 

“Oh, yes. She said she wouldn’t take no for an answer.” She runs her finger along the condensation of her glass. “Which is when I did something very very very stupid.” 

“Smacked her?” 

Emma snorts. “I wish. No I—” Her explanation is interrupted by the arrival of her burger and the plate of special order onion rings. Onion rings which are technically available only as an add-on to the steak sandwich but that Emma has a 80% success rate of cajoling the kitchen to make her a plate of. 

She eats her meal with one eye turned to Killian, waiting for a long enough lull in the drink tickets to finish her story. She’s almost finished her burger when Killian slides another Old Fashioned in front of her.

“What was this very stupid thing you did?” he asks, leaning towards her. 

“I told her I was dating someone.” 

Killian remains where he is but she notices the clench of his jaw. “Ah,” he says. “I was unaware.” He seems to hear his own words as he says them because he cringes. “Not that there’s a reason you would tell me. I mean, we’re friends, but friends in that way that I get you drinks and —”

Emma rests a hand on Kilian’s to stop the rambling. “I’m not. Dating anyone, that is.” 

“Then why—?”

“It just popped out. I’m not sure who was more surprised, me or Zelena.” 

“So, this fake boyfriend of yours. Just who is he?” 

“Well, okay, so this makes sense when you remember it’s Friday, and I knew I’d be coming here.”

“Right,” he says, equal parts cautious and curious.

“I told her my boyfriend was British.” 

Killian shakes his head. 

ExPats has been her weekly haunt for close to a year now and while not everyone who works there is a British expatriate, with Killian as bar manager, Robin as front of house manager, Graham as chef de cuisine, and Phillip as pastry chef, it kind of feels that way.

“And that he had blue eyes,” she continues. 

“Ah, I see,” he says, teasing her. “Are you telling me you’re sweet on Graham too?” 

“Not Graham.” 

“In that case, Marian is likely going to have a big problem with you trying to date her husband.”

“And, uh,” she clears her throat, “I told Zelena he has dark hair.” 

Killian wings an eyebrow. “How dark?” 

“Uh, right about your color probably.” 

“My color?” 

“Probably. I said probably.” 

“Interesting.” Emma takes a sip of her drink. There’s a delicious, hazy feeling brought on from the second cocktail washing through her veins. “So, you and I are dating?” he asks. 

“Stupid. It was so stupid.” 

“I wouldn’t say that. I mean, I’ve been meaning to ask you out for months now. This might be just the little push I need.” 

“What?”

“What?”

“What did you just say?” 

“What now?” he asks in return, the picture of innocence. 

“You’ve been trying to ask me out?” 

“Not as such, no.” 

“Oh.” She sinks back in her seat, disappointed.

“I didn’t want to risk you running scared and not being here every Friday night.” 

Emma perks right back up again. “Oh?” 

“You already said that, love.” 

Emma looked down at her plate, the remnants of the crispy bits from her onion rings on her plate. Something occurs to her then. “Graham doesn’t give these to me because I want them. Does he?” 

“Excuse me?” 

If she’s not mistaken the tips of his ears have gone a little red. She loves his little elf ears. “He makes these for me because you ask him. Don’t you?” 

“I might have told him they bring you an inordinate amount of joy.” He scratches idly at a spot on his arm. “And that it brings me an inordinate amount of joy to see how happy they make you.” 

“Did you know my weekly ExPats date used to be on Wednesdays?” 

She can see him try to mentally adjust to the change of direction in the conversation. “Really?” 

“I only came in a few times, but then one week, I had parent/teacher conferences so I came on Friday. And there you were.” Emma shrugs. “Your Old Fashioned is better than Will’s.” She bites off one of the maraschino cherries from the toothpick. “Your smile is better, too.” 

“Emma, darling, are you flirting with me?” 

“What? Suddenly it’s a crime to flirt with my boyfriend?” 

Killian laughs and it makes her heart hum. She likes the clean line of his throat as he tilts his head back. “Your boyfriend? I don’t suppose you’d want to go out on a date with, then?”

“I’m free on Wednesday.” 

“Funny that,” he says. “That happens to be my day off.” 

“Is it?” 

Emma would be content to sit at this bar all night and let Killian smile at her and make her drinks. It seems like Killian is having similar thoughts, until something seemingly flies out of nowhere to hit him in the back of the head. 

Killian reels around to find Robin standing there, arms folded across his chest. 

“What’d you throw at me, you git?” Killian asks. 

“A dinner roll.” Robin gestures at the drink ticket printer. A ticket printer which has at least 10-tickets waiting to be fulfilled. “Pardon, Emma. Mind if he stops flirting with you long enough to fulfill the drink orders?” 

“You’re fired,” Killian says. 

“For the last time, mate, you can’t fire me. My name is on the lease right next to yours.” 

“Murder it is, then.” 

“Make the nice customers their cocktails and then you can murder me.” 

Robin walks away, and Emma notices it’s not just her at the bar who finds herself charmed by the whole display between the two men. She thinks she might see a small group of women sneakily taking a cell phone video, giggling as they watch it through.

“Emma, I’m sorry, but I—”

She waves him off. “Do your thing. I’ll be here.” 

“Yeah?” he asks, and when she nods, he beams. “Good, because if we’re in a committed relationship I’m probably going to need your phone number.” 

“Pour the drinks, you goon.”

[julyarchives]

Lovers In The Night || (M)

Dating an idol is already hard, and when you debut it gets even harder, but your boyfriend Changgu knows just how to make up for all the time spent apart 

→ Pairing: Yeo One x Female Reader 

→ Genre: Smut; just a little bit of angst in the beginning 

→ Words:  2.2K

→ Contains: established relationship (sort of); first time; cute soft smut

→ A/n: Finally, here is the story of our birthday boy of the week! Thank you so much 🌻anon, for your request! This can be read as a one-shot, or as a follow up of So Bad, it’s up to you!

Your debut has finally happened and because of it, your relationship was riskier than ever. Changgu and you started dating when you were still a trainee, fully aware of the consequences that come with his fame, and one day possibly yours'. And now that it's arrived, there was hardly any dating during the day, or dating at all when the schedule was packed with promotion activities.

This particular morning, Pentagon and your group had an appearance together in a TV show and it was really tough for you to act like you weren't even close. He was just perfect as an entertainer, so he always stood out on variety shows. The hardest part was backstage when you thought it could be your chance to sneak some time together, but since the other members didn't know you were together there was no chance to do so.

Acting like you were strangers really hurt you. While the other girls celebrated the success of your appearances, you just sat quietly in the corner and texted him.

"I miss you." You quickly typed.

"I miss you too, you look so beautiful today." He didn't take long to answer

"You too! I wish I could say that in-person :( "

"I'm sorry :("

You've been together for a couple of months, so this wasn't how you expect to spend the honeymoon phase, and texting somehow made you miss him more. 

After the promotions were over for the day, you figured you could try and meet your boyfriend, but as soon as he texted back that he was still busy with a photoshoot you simply crumbled. It was a tiring day and all you need was some kisses and your boyfriend's embrace, but acting like strangers was all you got, and now you decided to let yourself feel sad. You couldn't vent to anyone because you had to keep it a secret, so your resolution was to just lay in bed and allow a few tears to come out. You knew what you signed up for when you confessed to him, and he warned you that this might happen, but you just could not help but feel sad for not being able to enjoy your relationship like a normal person.

You ended up falling asleep, and It was a little past midnight when the sound of your phone ringing woke you up.

"Changgu?" You answered the phone, not expecting this call

"Hey, sugar!" his tone was cheerful "I just left our last schedule, I'll be there in 10."

"What do you mean, Changgu? It's late, you need to rest!" You protested, genuinely concerned for his well-being.

"You better be ready when I arrive." You could hear the smirk in his voice before he hung up.

10 minutes later and you were properly dressed, hiding your face with a bucket hat and a mask. As soon as his car parked, you wasted no time getting in and releasing yourself from your disguise. Changgu drove off smoothly.

"Hello" you said shyly.

"Hey, sugar" he stole a glance "you look stunning as always"

"You look yourself" you replied "what's up with the sudden call? I thought you would be tired of working so late."

"Nah" His hand sneaked to your thigh, squeezing gently, and you thought he never looked so cool before. "I will always have time for my girl"

You giggled quietly, a little surprised at the sudden possessive pronoun. It makes you feel special, you are his.

You drove off of the city, taking a highway, just quietly enjoying the wind coming from the opened windows and the song quietly serenading you. You didn't bother asking where he was taking you, you trusted him completely, and knowing that it was a place more secluded like that was a nice bonus. 

You finally arrived at the top of a hill where the hill offered a beautiful view of the city with all the privacy you two need. 

"Wait just a second" he pecked your lips quickly and left the car after grabbing something from the backseat. 

you watched him open a big cozy blanket he took out of a picnic basket on the ground and place candles carefully, lighting them up to create a romantic atmosphere for you two. 

"You can come now" he opened the car door for you, reaching his hand, which you gladly took.

The date was the calm and peace you needed. You had pizza and drank wine, and now you were just quietly sitting with your back against his chest, basking in his presence.

"I'm sorry we can't have many dates, y/n," he said "I know you miss it.'

"I do" you admitted defeat. "But I understand, we've both been so busy. I just miss being your girlfriend, that's all." 

He planted delicate kisses here and there, at the top of your head, neck, and shoulders.

"I'll make it up for you, sugar." He whispered in your ear, his warm breath ticklish against your skin.

You look at him, who had the most charming smile across his lips, and suddenly all you wanted was to feel it against your own. You turned to face him and hooked your hand around his neck, gently pulling him closer.

He kissed you slowly and sensually, exploring every inch of your mouth. You breathed in his scent and felt glad to be in his arms, having the privilege of being the one he kisses this passionately. You relaxed your body and laid with your back on the blanket, pulling him together so he stayed on top of you, not breaking the contact for one second.

You kissed him and kissed him, and really kissed him. You could never get tired of his touches. The way his hands caressed your sides, your arms, your cheeks, your hair His chest flushed against yours, and your whole bodies together, connected like it was meant to be. But the more you had him, the more you wanted him

"Changgu" you called him in between kisses "I want you"

"You have me, y/n" he looked deeply into your eyes, breath already heavy.

"No." You replied "I want you."

"Oh" he looked surprised "y/n, are you sure? I mean, we've never gone past this point, and don't you think it's too soon? I don't want you to feel pressured or…"

You lingered a peck in his lips to stop him.

 "I don't think I can wait anymore, Changgu, I want you so bad." 

As you pulled him for another kiss, you took the opportunity to remove his jacket. He started kissing you harder, touches now more desperate like he allowed himself to do as he pleased freely, not holding back or planning to stop any time soon. Your hands explored inside his shirt, grazing your nails along the lines of his toned chest and abs. 

You two sat up for you to take his shirt off, but this time when lying down, you decided to be on top. You straddled him, and one of his hands grabbed behind your neck, intertwining fingers in your hair and tugging in to guide the kiss, while the other went to your thigh, squeezing its way up your dress. 

He, then, grabbed your ass and guided you to grind against the growing bulge in his jeans. He never touched you like that, and feeling in his actions how much he wanted you only got you fueled. His gasps and small sounds that you wouldn’t quite catch if you weren’t this close to him. 

Both of his hands went to your ass before climbing up and taking your dress out of you, leaving you wearing only your underwear. He looked at you in awe, admiring every curve of yours and caressing it gently, like he was engraving your body in his fingertips.

“y/n” he called you again, but already had your full attention “are you sure that’s what you want? You already said you miss being my girlfriend, and after this things might change between us. And if we don’t have time to meet up again so soon, I don’t want you to feel that way when things get more serious.”

“I don’t need any labels to know what I want, Changgu.” you simply answered “and I don’t think I can go back in this. All I want is for you to have me. All of me. We can worry about what that means later.”

“Okay, then” he nodded and firmly kissed you again.

You reached your hand in between you two and dared to go inside his pants after u. You felt his hard member against your palm and risked a light squeezed, which earned a hiss out of him, and a small curse to drop from his lips. 

“Is this good?” you asked 

“Fuck, yes” he muttered under his breath “just move slowly, please”

You followed his command, carefully watching his reactions to see if you were doing correctly. You moved your hand up and down, flicking our wrist the slightest, just wanting to make him feel good. To return the pleasure, Changgu cupped your breasts, his big hands massaging it in its whole, pinching your nipples through your lacy bra, the jolts of pleasure running through your whole body as he knew exactly where you liked to be touched, and the wetness pooling in between your legs helped his case.

“I need more, Changgu” you pleaded, lewd voice almost out of control. “Did you bring a condom?”

He nodded and dig a hand in his pocket.

You backed away and watched as he opened the wrapping and unrolled it around his dick after discarding his lasts pieces of clothing as you did to yours. ‘This is it’, you thought to yourself ‘no going back now.’.

He held your hips and aligned it with his’. He gave you a small reassurance nod and eased him into you. He was big, so you stood still for a few seconds, adjusting to his size with eyes close. You felt his gentle hand caress your face and whisper how good you were taking. 

When the stinging pain from being stretched eased, you started rocking your hips. He guided your hips again in a slow movement, you two enjoying the sensation of being the closest you’ve ever been. You leaned down to kiss him again, nibbling his plush bottom lip sensually.

He jerked his hips up to meet yours and hit just the right spot that made you let out a loud moan involuntarily, leaning back up and throwing your head back in pleasure. You rested your hands on his strong pecs, balancing yourself to thrust against him harder.

“You look so beautiful, sugar” his voice came out breathy, which only made him sound sexier to you.

The pleasure was building up and your legs started shaking, the effort in your thighs also getting too much, all caused you to slow down. Changgu, always so thoughtful and attentive, sat up and held you close for a deep kiss.

“Lay down, baby” he whispered in your ear “let me make it good for you.”

With his hand supporting your back, he laid you down gently and positioned himself on top of you, not wasting any time in pushing himself into you again. 

He thrust faster this time, a few strands of hair sticking to his sweaty forehead, and he never broke eye contact, watching your every move like he was hypnotized, and you felt just the same, not being able to take his eyes out of his intense gaze. You embraced him, and it was the best feeling to have his whole body flushed against yours, skin to skin warmness in the chilly evening. It all felt straight out of a dream.

He adjusted the angle for him, and now he was hitting just the right spot inside of you, your mouth hanging open with just incoherent sounds leaving it, seemingly something close to Changgu’s name.

“I’m gonna…” you managed to put these words together and Changgu understood it really quickly.

“Let go, Sugar, let me see how good you feel.”

You reached your hand and massaged your clit just to intensify your climax, and you allowed yourself to call his name like a prayer. Your walls tightened around him, and your noises drove him to his edge. He grunted and kissed you sloppily, riding off both of your orgasms.

He collapsed by your side, chest rising up and down fast, tied the condom, and tossed it aside before pulling you in to lay on his chest. His arm wrapped around you, holding you securely against him and his hand caressed along your spine while your fingers followed the muscle lines on his stomach.

“That was amazing,” he said and kissed the top of your head “You’re always amazing.”

You looked up and kissed his lips.

“You’re not so bad yourself, mister” you smirked. “I’m glad I did this with you.”

“Me too” he answered and kissed you passionately like you knew only he could do it.

The drive back was quiet, both of you dreading to get back to real life, but enjoying each other nevertheless. He was more touchy than before like he just couldn’t just keep his hands to himself anymore now that he knew he could touch you however he wanted.

He parked in the alley next to your dorm, even though the streets were empty this late at night, but better safe than sorry.

“So, I guess that’s it” He sighed, turning to face you and cup your cheek, thumb gently stroking your face

“I guess” you smile half-heartedly “We have a schedule together tomorrow, though.”

“We do. See you tomorrow, then?” 

“See you tomorrow, stranger.”

[mywonuderful]

Not So Cold-Hearted Pt.25

Summary: Y/N, a member of a popular newly debut girl group and Wonwoo has what some may call a relationship with emotional ambivalent. Will their relationship remain cold-blooded or will they finally come to an agreement and become something more?

Pairing: Jeon Wonwoo x Reader

A/N: Hello everyone! I’m finally back after my first semester! I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas holiday and that I deeply apologize for the extremely delayed update. I’m currently on my winter break before the second semester so I’ll try my best to update ASAP during my break. As always, if anyone is interested in being added into the taglist for this series, please feel free to send in a ask or message me!

masterlist

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

You scanned through the stacks of boxes of supplies when your eyes landed on the box with the label ‘cardboard cup holders’ on the edge of the top shelf. You tippy toed to reach the top but had to use. Letting out a grunt, you tried again and again but failed every time. You hopping as your hand got a quick grip of the box and pulled it outward. You did this again as it shifted outward every time with every hop. You were already out of breath from hoping and pulling but with the last hop, the box finally came out of the top shelve, but also your hands as the shelf shook. You caught it as you tumbled backwards before you fell, as some boxes on the the shelf fell. You heard rapid footsteps before Wonwoo appeared at the entrance of the storage room and rushed to your side.

“Are you okay?’ His eyes enlarged as they scanned over you body for any injuries. Your grip was tightly around the box as you let out a soft chuckle. “I got it.” You breathlessly whispered. Wonwoo didn’t say anything as he got back up with a small sigh and picked up the boxes that have fallen. They both of you worked in silence as you would glance over at him time to time, seeing him wipe the counters and coffee machines.

‘What’s with the sudden change of mood?’ You thought to yourself as your cleaned the kitchen and wiped the cutlery. You were finally finished with everything as you headed to the lockers where you saw Wonwoo taking off his apron. You quietly walked to your locker beside him as you do the same.

“You shouldn’t overwork yourself.” You heard him speak behind his opened locker door as you stopped at your moments. “I don’t know what you’re saying, I’m fine.” You replied as your folded your apron. “Stop acting all strong and tough.” He closed the locker door, facing you. “Can’t you see I’m-” “You’re injured and you’re not fully recovered.” His voice was stern as his eyes looked down at yours. “What if I just don’t want to show my weakness?” you scoffed as you wore your jacket. He rolled his eyes. “But you don’t have to push yourself to prove others you’re fine.” he said as you closed your locker before meeting his eyes. “I’ve been in the hospital and in the dorm for the past 8 months without stepping outside. I feel so locked in and suffocated that I can’t do anything. Do you know how useless I feel whenever I see my members leave for practices or performances where they have to cover for my parts and work twice as hard to fill my spot? I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone, Wonwoo. I’m trying to prove to myself that I’m not nothing for the past 8 months and that I’m healing.” You replied before loosening your hair from the updo its in. “It wouldn’t matter to you anyways.” You hung your bag over your shoulder before walking pass him, only to be stopped by his hand around your arm.

“Wait.” there was heavy silence between the two of you as neither of you moved. His hand was lightly gripped around you arm but for some reason, you didn’t fall back your arm. It felt nice.  “I’m sorry.” you turned around to look at him as he hung his head low. He loosened his grip around your arm. He slowly lifted his head before looking into your eyes with sincere apologizes. You’ve never seen his eyes so soft, making you melt into them deeper and deeper by the second. “It’s okay.” You managed to bring yourself together as you looked to the side. The two of you stood faced to faced, in awkwardness, not knowing what to say after the apology. “Well then, I’ll be going then.” “Y/N!” His voice made you stop at your steps as you head him walk in front of you. “There’s somewhere I want to bring you.”

- a few days ago -

“I’m ordering take-out! Is there anything-” Dino’s sentence was cut of by the orders of his members overlapping each other. He started looking back and forth, trying to listen in to every of their orders. “Just type it down.” Jeonghan lazily said while lying on the floor. All the boys had no personal or group activities that day as they took the chance to just stay at home and be homebodies for the day.  “I’ll take a hamburger.” Wonwoo added his order as Dino nodded before heading to his room to call in the orders. The boys were scattered in the living room, either chatting or playing on their phones. “Hey hyung, did you visit Y/N yet?” Minghao asked after he finished his race of KartRider with Wonwoo and a few others. “No, not yet.” He restarted another game, focusing his attention in his race “Well, are you going to pay her a visit? She’s probably at her dorm, knowing that her members and manager won’t allow her to live the house until she’s fully recovered.” Minghao laughed as he drifted his vehicle on an sharp turn. “Maybe you should bring her to your favorite spot.” Minghao randomly suggested, throwing Wonwoo off as he ended up placing second.

“You mean the spot?” Jun lowered his phone and looked at Wonwoo with widen eyes. Wonwoo lets out a sigh as he fell back on the cool wooden flooring. “Even we haven’t been there....” Hoshi pouted. Minghao looked down on his members, trying to figure out what he’s feeling. “What do you say? Maybe you can set up a little picnic and-” Minghao started giving out ideas, only to be cut off by the rest of his members. “And then maybe way the sunset with her!” “And then see the night skies and stars-” “She might get cold during the night and then you can take off your jacket and place it over her shoulders-” “And then the two of you will face each other, inches about as your eyes travel down her lips-” “As you look up, you see her eyes flutter close and you slowly move closer to her lips unt-” All the boys started acting out their imagination as they started fanboying over the possibility from their emotionless and cool member

“HELLO? AH HELLO MR. BOSA. OH NO, IT’S JUST REALLY LOUD WHERE I AM SO I CAN’T REALLY HEAR YOU PROPERLY, LET ME MOVE SOMEWHERE MORE QUIET.” Wonwoo’s phone started ringing as he quickly answered it, never feeling more thankful to have a phone call come in at the right time. He shot all his members death glares as he stood up before walking down the hallway “You sound like you’re quite busy. I apologize for interrupting your schedule.” “No worries. I’m not busy at the moment. I’m just with my members.” Wonwoo still felt his cheeks heated from his members’ extreme imagination. “I’m just calling in to see if you’ll be busy in the next couple of days? Ms. Bosa and I might need to go out to pick up some new supplies but we won’t know until the day of. Is it possible for you to step in while we’re gone? We’ll call in a couple of hours before we leave so it’s not too last minute.”  “For sure. Just call in and I’ll head over.” “Thank you so much Wonwoo. We were planning on calling Y/N too see if she’s available since she’s been discharged from the hospital- say, have you seen or visited Y/N since?” He questioned as Wonwoo falls into guilt from what he did the last time he spoken to you. “U-Uh, no I haven’t.” He stuttered upon his words as he heard a chuckle on the other side of the call. “You haven’t as in you’re too scared to visit her or what?” he remained silent, not knowing what to say in such awkward situation. “Alright, I’ll stop teasing you. Thanks for the last minute help Wonwoo.” Wonwoo hung up and lets out a sigh

“Was it the cafe?” He turned around and saw Seungcheol leaning against the wall. "Huh? Something like that.” “You don’t sound too happy about it.” Seungcheol questioned “No, it’s just that Mr. Bosa called to see if I work come into work in the next couple of days.” “And...?” Wonwoo’s eyes shifted to meet his hyung, confused on whether he’s just questioning or he heard the whole phone conversation “And he asked if I visited Y/N recently.” He ended up explaining. “See? Even the whole world knows you haven’t visited Y/N!” the leader dramatically exclaimed. “Okay, okay. I’ll pay her a visit in a few days.” Wonwoo lowly whined as he ran his hand through his hair and walked into his room before falling onto his bed, arm over his forehead.

‘I should really apologize to Y/N for what I said back then shouldn’t I. But it’s not like I can do much.’ He finds himself tossing and turning, fighting between his thoughts as he finally came to an conclusion on what to do.

- end -

- earlier in the day - 

Wonwoo got up earlier than usual, feeling a little fidgety has he had a special plan today. He quickly got cleaned up before packing up some blankets, extra sweaters/hoodies and some warmers, stuffing them into his duffle bag. It was still quite earlier in the morning but majority of his members where wide awake, and extremely energetic which was no surprise to him. He strolled out of his room, somewhat in a hurry before knocking on one of his member’s door.

“Joshua hyung?” he turned the nob and found his fellow member gaming with his headphones on. He saw him awake at this odd hour as he brought down his headphones, looking at him in a confused manner. “What’s up? And why are you awake so early? Don’t you normally wake up in the late afternoon during our free day?” Wonwoo looked around the room, not knowing how to reply. “Uh... you know that picnic bag you bought online? Could I borrow it?” He asked as Joshua raised his eyebrow. “Yeah sure. Are you going somewhere?” Wonwoo mentally groaned “You could say that.” He kept his answer short. “So, where is it?” “It’s somewhere in the storage or laundry room.” He said with a pause afterwards. “You know what, I’ll get it for you.” He took off his headphones and walked out of his room, Wonwoo following behind, sensing something off. He followed pass the open area of the living room and kitchen where to his surprise all his members where. Joshua came to a stop in the middle.

“*ahem* I have a special announcement to make.” the boys turned to face him standing in the middle. Wonwoo, who caught on the disaster that was about to happen, hastily ran up to him “Josh don’t-” “WONWOO IS FINALLY ASKING Y/N ON A DATE.” the words already left his lips. Wonwoo ran up beside him where all the members shifted their attention to him, exchanging shocked expressions before screaming in unison “Look! Let me explain!” Wonwoo frantically tried to explain but his members were clearly distracted by their celebration “Okay, okay, lets have Wonwoo explain to us his plan. Walk us through every detail. Do you need visual examples? Seungkwan and I are born for this moment, just give us a cue and we’ll reenact for you.” Dokyeom said after their session of cheering. Wonwoo stood there, lost in words before shaking his head, finding the right word to explain without having his members throw another celebration. “I’m going to apologize to Y/N.” He stated as confusion were plastered across their faces. “Apologize? Why? Did something happen between you and Y/N within the past 8 months?” Mingyu asked out of the blue. “You could say that.” He rubbed his hand behind his neck, feeling a little embarrassed at himself. He looked to see the faces of his members and saw Minghao looking at him with a small smile and nod, telling him it’s the right thing to do. “I’ll take her to my spot and apologize to her. That’s it.” His members slowly nodded, understanding his actions. After taking the picnic blanket from Joshua, he went back into his room, changing into clothes to head out to prepare the set up when his phone vibrated as an incoming phone call.

“Wonwoo speaking.” “Hello? Ah, Wonwoo! How are you?” Mr.Bosa voice was heard across the line with Ms.Bosa’s voice in the background “I’m doing good, and you?” “I’m doing great. I was wondering if you could run the store as I head out with my wife?” “Um...” his traveled to his duffle bag on top of his bed. “Yeah I can step in for a bit.” “That’s great! Wait hold on- what? you already called her? Well, I’m calling him now. No, it’s okay, they haven’t seen each other in a while either way.” He somewhat hears the conversation between the couple, not putting much thought into it. “Sorry about that, Woo. Yeah, that’ll be awesome! You guys can close the store earlier if business is slow since we aren’t expecting much today either way. Thank you again!” He ended the call before staring back at his bag, wondering how his plan will go.

‘You guys?’ he thought to himself as changed his clothes for a more comfortable wear to work and headed out, bringing along his duffle bag.

Wonwoo was cleaning the counters of the coffee machines as he hummed to the music being played throughout the cafe as his pondered about to do know with what he had planned. He originally wanted to set up everything before visiting you bringing you to his spot but know that things aren’t going out as he wanted, he tried to think of something else when he heard the door open as the bell chimed.

“Welcome to Espresso Love Caf-” his words were cut off as he saw your figure, standing by the entrance, looking just as surprised as you were. None of you exchanges words as you walked to the back of the store as his eyes followed you, still shocked by your sudden appearance.

-

The two of you stood faced to faced, in awkwardness, not knowing what to say after the apology. “Well then, I’ll be going then.” “Y/N!” His voice made you stop at your steps as you head him walk in front of you. “There’s somewhere I want to bring you.” You looked up to him, trying to see if this was one of his little pranks. But to your surprise, his eyes were softly looking down at yours, almost if he was sincere about it. “What do you mean?” He looked away from you, biting on his lip “You’ll see.” And with that, he took a hold of your wrist, locking the store from behind as the both you walked to wherever he was taking you. Your steps followed from behind as you took in the image of his broad back before landing on the duffle bag that was hung on the other side of his shoulder, questioning what could be. The both of you ended up in a comfortable silent, walking down the sidewalk of a road on a hill. “Isn’t this the place....” familiarity hits as the you recall that time when you were humming while looking out on the view. Wonwoo lets out a soft smile before heading in between two fences and onto a rough path into small forest. “Why do I feel like I’m voluntarily being kidnaped.” You nervously laughed as you walked deeper into the woods, Wonwoo’s hand still around yours. He didn’t say anything and continued walking, making you feel even more uneasy. “Hey, say something.... You’re making me feel uncomfortable.” You accidently tripped on branch, making you fall forward as you felt his grip around you wrist tighten as he pulled you. He quickly turned around, your head hitting on his chest.

“S-Sorry.” You quickly lifted your head and his grip loosened. “We’re almost there.” He turned and started walking until the end of the forest, leading to an opened field with flowers that outlooks the city. “We’re here.” He turned around anticipating your reaction.  “Wow...” Your jaw dropped as you slowly walked, looking around. Wonwoo dropped his bag down on the middle of the field and took out a picnic blanket, setting it out. “What are you doing?”  “Setting up a picnic.” He said and started bringing things out of his bag. “Aren’t you going to sit down?” He looked up at you as you stood there, in confusion. You blinked a couple of times before nodding, taking a seat beside him. You both stare out on the evening sky that displayed beautiful shades of red, orange, yellow and pink, making you feel relaxed and at ease as you pulled your knees to chest, letting out a sigh. “This view just clears the mind and takes away all the worries.” You hummed. Wonwoo, who was sitting beside with his legs crossed and his hands supporting behind stared out at the view. “Y/N.” He sudden called your name. Your lifted you head from your knees, turning to face him as his eyes darting away from yours. “I’m sorry.” Your eyes widen from his apology. “I’m sorry for what I said back at the hospital and what I said today...” He trailed off at his words. He couldn’t look you in the eyes, and started look down at his fingers, playing with them in nervousness. “I didn’t mean the words I said.” He bit his lip before finding the courage the look at you. You stared at him, trying to find the words to say.

“It’s okay.” you said after a period of silence. “I know you only meant well. I know I can be arrogant sometimes and overestimate myself, making a fool out of myself.” He quietly listened as you sighed and looked back out at the view. “Your words, it stayed with me for a while. In a way, it brought sense to me that I’m human too and that I have my limits also. So thanks, thanks for bringing some sense to me when I needed it.” You smiled. It was true that his words were harsh at first but as time past, you realized that what he said was only because he cared and it was his way of caring which is something that is hard for him.  “This is my favorite spot.” you tilted your head and looked over at him. “I always find myself coming here whenever I’m full of thoughts or worries or just need some air.” “So like your secret hide-out?” “You could say that.” The both of you chuckled before silence fell again.

“You know, for the past couple of months, it was extremely hard for me. I went through a roller coaster of emotions, feeling like nothing and useless to my members. It’s difficult seeing them needing to work harder to fill in my empty spot and that I couldn’t do anything but sit and watch. I fell into a darkness, hiding from my members because they already have so much on their plate with my absence. It’s like I don’t even know who and what I am anymore.” You stared out. Wonwoo looked at you, hearing your difficulties brought shock to him. Though you may be quiet, you were known to be uplifting, bright and optimistic to your fans, members and even the boys so hearing this was sure a surprise to him. “Sometimes fighting with myself and having everything bottled up can be tough sometimes, you know?” Wonwoo shifted closer to you, with soften eyes. “Sometimes I just want to scream, give up and just stop everything.” He slowly lifted his hand over your head, thinking over his actions if this is okay. ”Sometimes I just want someone to pat-” His hand lowered, patting your head as you stopped at your words, at surprise but didn’t turn to look at him. Wonwoo lightly patted your head as you tried your best to blink back the tears foaming in your eyes. “-Sometimes I just want someone to pat my head, telling that I did a good job and that I’ll be okay. But then again, I don’t want to be a burden.” You finished off, with your voice wavering.” “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were going through this.” You felt guiltiness in his voice. “I....I don’t know what to say....” you looked at him as he stopped patting your head. “You’re always smiling. Whether it be with your fans or members. You’re just.... always smiling brightly.” He mumbled the last part, making you giggle. “But you shouldn’t feel burden. You and your members are like a family, no? I’m sure they’re just as worried as you are. But at the same time, I’m sure they’re so proud of you that you’re getting through this and that you’ll come back stronger than ever.” You looked up at him, meeting his eyes. “Well... At least for me, I know you’ll going to come back stronger than ever.” You broke out into a smile as you felt your heart glow. “It’s been a while since I saw you smile like this.” His leaned towards you as you closed your eyes. You felt his light touch, brushing the hairs out of your face from the evening breeze. You opened your eyes as he straight right into yours, feeling a tingling sensation between the two of you. It’s always as if the both of you snapped back to reality and he quickly jerked his hand back as you sit back straight, looking away from each other.  “S-So... Do you bring your members here as well?” You asked, trying to find a new topic to talk about. “No. You’re the first.” Your heart started racing. “This is the place I wanted to bring you. I thought it’ll help with relieving some stress and all. It’s a peaceful quietness.” He explained as you nodded. “Thanks for bringing me here, Wonwoo. This has definitely took the weight off my chest. After saying everything that’s been on my mind and watching the sunset,  I feel soo much lighter and refreshed.” You smiled. “That’s a relief.” The sun was almost done setting as the both of you cherish the last bits staring out into silence. For some reason, it felt like you were both able to connect through the silence, making you feel a sense of home.

“Are you feeling hungry?” He asked, as the night sky started to fill. “Very.” He chuckled as he unzipped his duffle bag, bringing out a stack of containers and opening it. It was filled with side dishes and dishes that you automatically knew was made by his aunt. “My aunt came to drop off some dishes yesterday so I decided to bring it here. I hope you don’t mind that it’s not fresh and all.” “Not at all. You know sometimes food eaten the next day is more delicious.” You smiled as he passed you utensils the both of you started eating, as he picked up some side dishes and putting it on your bowl of rice. You giggle before doing the same to him. After dinner, you stretched out your arms over your head, letting out a long sigh. Wonwoo was laying down beside you, looking at up at sky. “Lie down. You can see the stars.” He patted the spot beside him as you scooted over before lying down. “Have you star gazed before?” “I’ve studied it a bit out of curiosity but never really done it in real life. It’s difficult seeing the stars in a city.” You saw Wonwoo smile in the corner of your eyes. “You can see the big dipper here.” Your eyes started wandering, trying to trace the stars for the shape. “It’s over there.” “Where?” “There.” he pointed up but you could seem to find it. “There?” you pointed, trying to following his direction. “No, there. Do you see it?” He took a hold of your wrist, tracing the shape. Your eyes looked at him in shock. “I-I see it.” You stuttered. “Oh! and that’s the little dipper!” You excited pointed at it, smiling widely. 

You sat back up, taking it a sip of the warm coffee as goosebumps started growing on your skin from the night breeze. You shivered a bit, scolding yourself for not bringing a jacket. Wonwoo got up as well, digging something in his bag before handing you his sweater. “I brought it just in case.” You took it. “It seems like you need it.” You hesitated at first, deciding if it was the right thing to wear it or not.  “Thanks.” You put it over your head, struggling to find the holes for the arms. You heard Wonwoo laugh before guiding your arm through the sleeves and pulling it down your head, making your hair all friction and static from the inside. He started laughing from the sight of your hair going in all directions. You look at him, in confusion, laughing along even though you didn’t know the reason. “You hair is all static.” He started patting down your hair with a smile. You cheeks started tinting pink, but thankfully it was dark even to hide your blushing face. “It’s huge on you.” You lifted your arms seeing that the sleeves were covering you hands. “It’s alright.” You mumbled. The two of you remained quiet, taking sips of coffee while exchanging short conversation here and there, enjoying and silent presence of one another.

“What time is it?” You questioned, wondering how long you’ve been here for. Wonwoo pulled out his phone, showing you the time as you eyes widen.  “We’ve been here for that long?!” You took out your phone and saw ‘13 missed calls.’ “Looks like your members are worried about you.” He must’ve saw, making you embarrassed. “Maybe we should head back before they call the police reporting you kidnapped.” He got up, offering you a hand. You grabbed onto it as he pulled you up before you helped up clean up. “I mean if you think about it, you did kidnapped me in a way.” You spoke as the two of you walked back to your dorms. Your shoulder would brush against his arm time to time, making your heart flutter.  “In my defense, you didn’t do anything. So you involuntary agreed” You laughed, nodding your head. “You have a point. I’ll give you that one.” You reach the street of your dorms, feeling a little disappointed for some reason. “Thanks for today Wonwoo. It really means a lot to me.” You stopped and turn to face him. You were a few houses away from your dorm but you didn’t want to leave just yet. “No worries. I felt kind of bad not visiting you while you were in the hospital.” He rubbed his hand behind his neck, looking away, feeling ashamed. “I don’t blame you.” You shrugged your shoulders as he raise his eyes from the ground. “Guess, I’ll have one more reason to hold something against you.” He eyes widen before the two of you laughed. “Today was memorable though. I got to see a new side of you and I’m.... I’m thankful for that.” You could see his face blushing from the dimmed street lights. “I could say the same to you.” He smiled. He opened his mouth, about to say something when his phone rang. He pulled it out, as the caller ID showed one of his member’s name. “Hello?”

“So are the both of you going to just stand there and melt into each other’s eyes or are you going to go home? My storage is running out on my phone and Hoshi won’t stop narrating this scene, it’s killing me.” Mingyu’s voice was heard on the line with Dokyeom’s and Dino’s singing background music in the back. The both of you looked forward, seeing his dorm’s window opened with Mingyu holding a selfie stick and the heads of the boys, popping out. He ended the call behind stuffing his phone back into his pocket. “I’m never going to hear the end of this when I get home. Are you down for a late night runaway?” He questioned as you chuckled. Just then, your phone started ringing. “I’m almost home.”  “We can clearly see that. But the question is IF you’re going to come home because I think you’re too occupied, swimming into your lover boy’s eyes.” You saw your members sticking out their heads of the entrance. You turned to look at Wonwoo with panicked eyes.  “So, about that late night runaway suggestion....” The both of your broke out into a huge laughed, cherishing the last bits of the moments before hiding home.

<< prev // next >>

[krreader]

what matters is here and now.

pairing: kim seokjin x manager!reader fandom: bts warnings: / genre: angst ; fluff  word count: 1.8k+

summary: it wasn’t a question of whether or not you two loved each other. it was the question of how you were going to make this work with your circumstances.

a/n: haven’t done a jin story in a while, so I hope you guys like it ♥

With Jin being the oldest member of Bangtan and not having a girlfriend – unlike others from his group – questions were bound to come up, especially from his family.

“Why do all the younger ones have girlfriends, but you don't?” his mother would complain, “I want to have grandchildren some day, you know?”

He would simply smile and nod, tell her that she would get her grandchildren eventually, but then quickly change the topic.

He would love nothing more than to tell her the truth, her and everyone else, but he couldn't.

Because if anyone found out, you would be ruined.

Getting a position as a manager for Bangtan had been a dream come true for you. You had worked hard on achieving this dream and showed your worth within the first month after a scheduling conflict could have destroyed the entire upcoming world tour. But after two restless days and nights and countless of phone calls and emails, you had managed to figure it out and the entire company was in your debt, glad to have you on board.

That was four years ago.

And a lot can happen in four years.

While Bangtan had their own personal managers, you were one of the general ones, one of the ones that they could all go to if they had a problem. And the first few weeks, you barely spoke to any of the members, were more involved with Bang PD than with the boys themselves.

But then, one night when you had been sitting in your office and had just ended a video conference with their American record label, there had been a knock on your door.

“Hello manager,” Jin had smiled a little, “Can I come in?”

“Of course,” despite your tiredness, you had smiled back at him, offering him a chair across from your desk, “What can I help you with?”

“It's not so much what you can help me with, than what I can help you with,” he had placed a plastic bag on your desk and had began grinning, “I made too much food earlier and I figured I'd see if anyone was still at the company and would like some. And... well... you're one of the only ones left.”

This was probably the first time that you had a conversation alone with him and while you had always been kind and professional towards him, this act of kindness had surprised you.

“Really?” you had blinked a couple of times in confusion, “You're... giving me this?”

“You work so hard for us, I'd like to give you something back. And right now, that is the only thing I have.”

“You don't have to give me anything, Jin. I'm getting paid to help you, you know?” you had chuckled a little.

“Hm,” he had thought for a moment, then he had smiled again, “Then look at this as our first proper introduction dinner. Just you and me, getting to know each other better so we can work even better together in the future.”

You had laughed then, had thought it was incredibly endearing and had ended up having dinner with him. Not just for half an hour, but you two had talked for nearly two hours, despite the time ticking away until it was the early morning hours.

At first it was strictly professional stuff, gossip within the company of who was dating who and such.. but eventually it started to get a little more personal. What's your favorite this and that, where were you born, what are your parents doing and so on.

And that's the kind of relationship that you've had for the first year. It was genuinely just a friendship that had developed between you two. He got along with all managers, especially his own, but with you, there wasn't that feeling of him having to be professional at all times anymore. He could simply be himself and that was something he valued a lot in you.

Feelings only started developing a year or so after that first conversation between you two.

It was at a wedding of one of the other managers, where naturally both you and him – including the rest of Bangtan – had been invited to. It was a lovely ceremony, the food was great, the atmosphere even better and at one point of the night, you ended up with only Jin in the beautiful gardens of the private venue.

“I'm so happy for him,” you had said with your head turned around to look at your co-worker and his newly wedded wife dancing and laughing, “It's so nice to see someone love someone else so deeply.”

Jin had first looked at the manager as well, but then his eyes had shifted to look at you. And that's all he did for a moment. Watch you.

Then, he had finally said: “Have you ever experienced it? This kind of love?”

Your smile had faltered, turning your head to look at him, “Have you?”

He couldn't reply, just like you couldn't.

That was answer enough.

“Sometimes I think that not everyone is destined to find someone else that loves them. Loving yourself is enough for some,” you had sighed and fully turned around now, so that your back was facing the wedding, “I have my job and I have me and I think that is enough.”

“You think that is enough.. but you wonder what it's like, don't you?” Jin had nodded to himself, looking down to his hands, “I'm like that too. I try to find solace in my work, but every now and then I wonder what real love would be like.”

You had turned your head to look at him, a small smile spreading on your face once again, “Don't worry, Jin. I know you'll find someone that see's you for the amazing, handsome and intelligent man that you are.”

“Like you?”

It came out of his mouth before he could even really think about it, but the words were already spoken and all he could do then was watch you gulp down hard before leaving in a hurry.

That night was the first night that both of you were confronted with feelings that you hadn't noticed before. However, it didn't lead to a confrontation or anything like that for a while. It was almost like as if it took both of you by surprise, that neither you nor Jin had actually thought about the fact that maybe, you had found your special someone already.

And on top of that, there was the obvious problem of you being his manager and a romantic relationship between a manager and an idol was forbidden for good reasons. Favoring said idol, the scandal it would be for the company, the fact that it would ruin your career if people ever found out of it... all of these things made neither of you say anything for a long time.

Jin tried calling eventually, texting you countless of times and asking you, almost begging, actually, to talk to him. That he wanted to talk to you and discuss... whatever it was that you two had to discuss.

But you never answered, too afraid of what could be said in that conversation.

It was months after that wedding, at a Christmas party at the BigHit building that you two found each other on your own once again, standing in front of each other when a slow song suddenly started playing.

Not wanting to make it seem like something was up, Jin had simply grabbed your wrist and pulled you towards him, dancing with you like everything was fine. However, he could feel how stiff you were.

“You haven't called me back,” he said in a low voice, “Or answered any of my texts.”

“I figured if there was something important, you'd meet me in my office.”

He slowed down even more, so that he could properly look into your eyes, “It is important.”

“Not now, Jin. Not here.”

“Then where? When? You keep ignoring me. All I want is to talk, (Y/N). That's all we used to do.. remember? Because in case you forgot, we used to be friends at one point.”

But you were better at fleeing from your personal problems than facing them, unlike in your career. And so you did that once again. You walked away as soon as the song stopped, out into the hallway, thinking that you'd have a moment to breathe and gather your thoughts.

But not today.

He wouldn't let you run away again.

“Why is this so hard for you?!” he grabbed your wrist and turned you around, his eyes big, “Why can’t you just talk to me for god’s sake?!”

“Are you seriously asking me this?! Is your career on the line or mine?!”

He let out a sigh, his shoulders slumping and looking down, shaking his head once, then looking back up, “I'm not asking you to marry me. I just want to talk about... us.”

“And then what, Jin?” you let out a humorless laugh, “Because we both know what conclusion we're going to come to.”

“Then so what?” he grabbed your upper arms, “We could work things out!”

You became sad at how much this meant to him. At how much you apparently meant to him. If only you hadn't chosen BigHit. If only he hadn't. If only you had met under different circumstances.

“Jin, I'm..-”

But before you could talk any further, he had already pressed his lips against yours, doing what he had wanted to do ever since that wedding. And it was just like he thought it would be like.

It was as if you both knew that there was no going back now. Feeling the things you felt with that kiss was enough to know that you were already in this too deep.

He pulled back only a few seconds after, a lot softer than how the kiss had started, still leaning his forehead against yours, “I promise we can work it out. I promise you, (Y/N).”

You wanted to believe him so badly, all those years of you being lonely came crashing down right there and then, now that there was finally a man in front of you that cared so much about you.

That part of you that yearned for love made you nod.

The period that followed was both the best time of your life, as well as the hardest.

Constantly lying to every single person in your life wasn't easy. But simultaneously, coming home to your – now – boyfriend standing in the kitchen with the most beautiful smile on his face, kissing you and telling you how much he had missed you and loved you... it made it all worth it.

You never talked about the future, because both of you knew that if you'd want to take this just one step further, there'd be even more complications than you already had now.

So you lived in the moment, were happy with the time that you were given and eventually, if destiny would have it, you would try to figure out if there was a way for you two to spend the rest of your lives together.

But right now, right there, just lying next to each other in bed, entangled limbs and gentle kisses... that was all that mattered and all that you needed to finally be... content.

[morningfears]

Morning Fears [Chapter Three]

Rating: M | This is smut so no one under 18!

Summary: Charlotte and Luke haven’t seen one another in three weeks. They're both afraid of their feelings, however, they know they can’t keep running from them. | Charlotte Harper met Dylan Hemmings her freshman year of college when the two girls were randomly assigned to be roommates. With Dylan came her father, Luke. Charlotte never expected Dylan to become her best friend and she certainly never expected her small crush on Luke to become anything more. But when Dylan left her alone at their graduation party and Luke offered to take Charlotte home, their lives changed. | This is an AU in which Luke is a single father (aged 40/41) and Charlotte is a recent college graduate (22).

Word Count: 25k [.....I’m very, very sorry]

CHAPTER ONE | CHAPTER TWO

Growing up, Luke had never imagined that he would enjoy being stuck behind a desk. As a teenager, he always envisioned himself on a stage, well into late adulthood. As a twenty-something, he imagined that he would spend the entirety of his career in the studio, producing for artists that reminded him a little too much of what he could’ve been. However, the older he got, the more he craved a sense of stability that sitting behind a desk offered. His office, a stereotypical corner office that provided a beautiful view of Los Angeles, was something that he hadn’t imagined he’d love as much as he did. But being there, settled behind his desk with a stack of paperwork in front of him and a demo one of his newest signings had been working on playing in the background, felt like home.

For twenty-two years, Luke had all but avoided the stuffy office that now felt like home. When he first began working in the industry (truly working, not just serving as an intern that only fetched coffee or cleaned up after recording sessions), fresh out of college with a dream and a newborn, he started his career with a small Los Angeles label. When he began working for that label, one that had been left in the nineties with his lip ring and ripped jeans, he was confined to the recording booth. He’d been a engineer at first, working long hours and living with his parents so that Dylan had some semblance of stability in her life. He spent three years working for that label and, despite the grueling schedule and hard work, he managed to make a name for himself.

In 2000, with a toddler and a little work experience under his belt, Luke made the move to record producer. After the first label went under, Luke began working for a major label that he’d interned for as a teenager. It was different, being the one ordering coffee instead of fetching it, but he didn’t have time to wallow in nostalgia as his hard work, easygoing personality, and adaptability made him a favorite to work with while his ear and bold choices - that always ended with another song hitting the charts - made him a company favorite. By the time Dylan started school, Luke had saved up enough to buy a small house for the two of them near his parents. It was small, cramped and always crowded with musicians working on their next song, but it belonged to the two of them and he was proud. 

During the first ten or so years of Dylan’s life, Luke worked more than he wanted to. He really only saw Dylan in the morning when he took her to school or at night when he tucked her in before he headed back to the studio to finish a session. He hadn’t wanted to be an absentee parent, not when it was just the two of them, but he constantly told himself that he was doing what he needed to do in order to make sure Dylan would have everything she ever needed. He was saving for college, for a bigger home, for a better life, but every day that passed without really getting to spend time with her grew harder and harder on him.

It wasn’t until Dylan’s tween years that Luke took on a more managerial role at the label. With the salary increase came a mountain of paperwork and an opportunity to move into a home that afforded him a small home office. He was able to fit a small piano in the corner, his guitar beside his desk, and that was all he needed. He avoided the little office they’d designated his at the label as often as he could. He worked there during the day, when Dylan was away at school, but as soon as the clock struck three, Luke could be found at home.

The sound of giggling teenage girls whenever Dylan had friends over or the sounds of her practicing her piano - a skill that she tried hard to master but one that she, unfortunately, did not inherit from her father - would have driven other people crazy as they tried to finish important paperwork. Luke, however, reveled in those sounds. They meant that he was present, just a few doors down in case Dylan ever needed him, and he remained in his home office even after he was promoted to CEO after twenty years in the industry.

With the title of CEO came a new corner office, the one that he spent his days locked away in after Dylan moved out. If anyone asked, he would tell them that he worked from his actual office now because there was no longer a reason to stay home. However, the truth was that without the sound of Dylan chatting with friends or just making noise somewhere in the house, his home office felt too solemn.

In the four years that had passed since Dylan moved out, Luke had only spent a few days working in his home office. He reserved that office for special occasions - when a contract needed his approval immediately or when there was a fire that he needed to help put out - and for the time that Dylan spent at home. Luke had never minded the noise that seemed to follow Dylan wherever she went - she had certainly taken after her uncles in that she was louder than Luke had ever dreamed of being. If he was being honest with himself, Luke worked better with a little chaos surrounding him. However, there was a great distinction between the chaos of a shouting teenager and the inner turmoil of a guilty conscience.

The silence of his home office left him alone with his thoughts. When there was nothing to think about other than work, he didn’t mind it as much. However, as of late, work seemed to be the last thing on his mind. Though he had been spending more time in his office than ever in the three weeks since the night he shared with Charlotte and was just as productive as he had always been, he found that his thoughts wandered frequently. He hadn’t been so hung up over a woman in more than twenty years and, at first, it was irritating.

Luke didn’t like to be distracted. The noise that Dylan had made as a child had never distracted him. If anything, it kept him focused on the task at hand. The notifications from Ashton or Calum or Michael, asking if he wanted to go out for a drink, never distracted him. If anything, they made him work faster so that he could enjoy his night off with friends. The short relationships he’d had, the ones that never lasted longer than a few weeks, never distracted him. If anything, they kept him in his office so that he would have an excuse to cancel dinner plans.

The sporadic prickle of guilt that shot down his spine or the unfamiliar feeling of anxiety that pooled in the pit of his stomach at the most inopportune times, though, distracted him greatly.

If he was being honest with himself, as he had been with Ashton when the pair of them talked about it the night before, Luke could no longer say that he still didn’t quite know how he felt about the whole ordeal with Charlotte. He had wanted to write it off, to claim that it didn’t matter and that life would be back to normal before he could blink. However, three weeks had passed without so much as an indication that she read his text message and it still bothered him. He had admitted to Ashton that he felt guilty for leaving her and that he didn’t blame her one bit for ignoring his feeble attempt to reach out. In fact, he wouldn’t have been surprised if she was still angry with him, still hurt and embarrassed, and didn’t want their paths to cross again.

He had rambled for far too long to the only person in his life that knew anything about the situation and Ashton, ever the voice of wisdom in their friendship, began to understand the depth of Luke’s feelings for Charlotte. Ashton had been friends with Luke for decades and knew him better than almost anyone. For that reason, he knew that telling Luke that he felt an affection for Charlotte that could grow into love if it was properly nurtured would fall on deaf ears. So, instead of spelling out the obvious for his friend, Ashton implored Luke to delve deeper and to truly contemplate his feelings for Charlotte. He encouraged him to really weigh his options, to give this the thought it deserved, and then decide on the best course of action. Though this was the logical route, Luke had been avoiding it. He knew, deep down, what he would find in his heart if he searched too hard. He knew that he would reach a conclusion that he wasn’t sure he’d like but as he sat in his oversized office chair, eyes glued to the plate glass window that afforded him a gorgeous view of his city, he found his thoughts straying to her.

Luke had always been what his friends liked to call picky. Or, if you asked Michael, unlucky. Though he had grown confident in his looks, secure in labelling himself handsome, and believed himself to be a good companion, he had a relatively short romantic history. He had only ever really been in love once. Her name was Anna and they had met their freshman year of college. Luke hadn’t been looking for anything, he only wanted a degree and a ticket away from home, but when he was placed with Anna in his biology 101 lab, he had known right away that he was going to love her. If you asked him to recount the tale of their three and a half years, it would’ve sounded like something straight out of a movie. They had been madly in love, the couple that their friends teased any chance they got, before things ended on a bitter note. Their love story ended with Luke graduating with a broken heart and a newborn to care for alone as Anna moved across the country to attend graduate school.

Although Luke had, by no means, taken a vow of celibacy or consciously decided not to date after Anna, his love life was always the last thing on his mind. He’d been dedicated to work, to moving up the ladder and making a name for himself in the business, and any time not spent in a studio was devoted to his daughter. In the twenty-two years since Dylan’s birth, Luke had only had a handful of flings that Dylan knew about - even fewer that she didn’t know about - and hadn’t felt that instant connection with any of them. In fact, he had been the one to end almost every fling as he just wasn’t interested.

After Anna, a small part of Luke gave up hope that he’d ever find love again. He told himself that he didn’t need it, not when he had his little girl and his job to keep him busy, but he’d always secretly hoped that he’d feel that spark again someday. He secretly worried that he’d experienced the only romantic love he’d ever know too early, that a broken heart and a lifetime of solitude was all that was left for him after three such magical years, but as his mind drifted to Charlotte, he felt a glimmer of hope that he’d been wrong.

With Charlotte, there was no love at first sight. The moment he laid eyes on her, he only saw her for what she was; a shy eighteen-year old who was overwhelmed at the prospect of starting school and anxious to make something of her life. She reminded him a little of himself at that age, wide-eyed and afraid but ready to take on the world, and he’d wanted to protect her. He had hoped that Dylan would befriend her, that they would become partners in crime the way he and his freshman year roommate, Calum, had and he hadn’t been disappointed. With every update Dylan gave him, with every Saturday lunch they shared, he got a little more information about Charlotte and found himself very happy that his daughter had found someone so good.

Luke and Charlotte didn’t interact much in person. She said hello to him if Dylan happened to FaceTime him while she was in the room or declined his invitation to join them for lunch if he stopped by their apartment to pick Dylan up but Luke never really saw her. It took him two years to truly look at her, to see her, and, as he stared out his window, he realized that it took him two more years to admit that fact to himself. 

Luke remembered the night that he realized Charlotte was more than just a sweet girl his daughter had befriended vividly. It had been seared into his memory, somewhere deep in his subconscious, and buried beneath the denial and vague feeling of guilt. That night, two days after Christmas, a day before they would be leaving for their annual vacation - this time with Charlotte in tow - and three days before Dylan’s twentieth birthday, Luke had been alone with Charlotte for the first time and had felt those sparks that he’d been desperate to feel once more.

The clock on the wall in Luke’s office read a little after one in the morning and, after a day of laughter and noise, the house had fallen silent. Dylan and Charlotte had taken up residence in his usually quiet home, Charlotte having just returned from spending Christmas with her family and Dylan having decided to sleep in her old bedroom for the week instead of commuting back to her apartment. Their suitcases were at the foot of the stairs, packed and ready for the morning when they would leave Hemmings’ annual new year vacation, and Luke had lost count of how many times Charlotte had thanked him for letting Dylan invite her.

Charlotte and Dylan had spent the day together, the pair of them watching The Simpsons and giggling about Dylan’s new boyfriend, Alex -  who Luke actually liked and hoped would stick around - or listening to music as they discussed their respective futures. Luke had wandered in and out of their day, eating lunch with them when Dylan ordered Vietnamese or sitting down to watch an episode when he needed a break from paperwork, but he’d ultimately left them alone. He knew that the three of them would be spending copious amounts of time together on the trip so he figured he’d give them time to be without him.

As Luke savored the silence, a content sigh leaving his lips as he leaned back in his office chair and blinked away the words seemingly imprinted on his eyelids, he felt a wave of calm wash over him. The mountain of paperwork he’d brought home from the office had dwindled to a manageable mound and the pages that were left could wait until the new year. He was excited for the trip, happy for a chance to get away from the city and away from the stress that had fallen on his shoulders, and was happy that Dylan was finally comfortable enough to invite a friend to join them. Dylan had never had a friend like Charlotte, had never been so happy with any of her friends, and Luke was proud to see it.

Charlotte was the first friend of Dylan’s that Luke had taken an instant liking to. She was the complete opposite of his daughter. While Dylan was a hurricane of personality, all smiles and grand gestures as she commanded the attention of whatever room she entered, Charlotte was more subdued. Charlotte was quiet, soft smiles and unseen acts of kindness as she remained in the background. Her words were well thought out, each one had an impact, and Luke saw a bit of himself in her. The more he got to know her, the more he liked her. She was a good balance for his daughter, a calming presence that encouraged her to think before she acted, and Luke knew that with Charlotte in her life, he didn’t need to worry (as much) about Dylan.

Luke never really thought about why he liked Charlotte so much. He imagined that it was their similar personalities, or maybe it was the fact that Charlotte was such an old soul, but, whatever it was, he chalked it up to fondness for the twenty-year old and left it at that.

As his thoughts revolved around Charlotte, an odd occurrence that mildly unsettled Luke, he became aware of the quiet sound of feet against the wood floor. He strained his ears for a moment, his eyebrows furrowed as he listened to the soft sound of someone moving down the hall, and decided that it wasn’t Dylan. She would never move so softly. He had always teased her about stomping down the hall, joked that he could hear her coming from a mile away, and idly wondered if Charlotte was alright as the footsteps grew closer.

Luke hesitated for a moment before he stood from his chair and crossed his office to stop in the doorway. He stood there for a moment and watched Charlotte wander down the hall. She was glancing at pictures on the walls, some of him in his youth, many more of Dylan as she grew up, and he felt a fond smile curl his lips as he watched her giggle at the picture he’d taken of Dylan after Michael had let her cut her own hair. That was one of his favorite images, one that he remembered taking vividly, and he loved to remind Dylan of it any chance he got. He remained silent for a moment, contemplating whether he should leave Charlotte alone or check on her, before he decided to do the latter.

“I think she was four or five there,” Luke informed Charlotte, his voice quiet in the silence of the house, “My mom had a doctor’s appointment so I let my friend Michael and his wife, fiancé at the time, watch her. They wanted practice, you know? He let her cut her own hair and I thought it was funny but my mom cried when she saw what happened and made me swear that I wouldn’t let Michael babysit again.”

Charlotte jumped at the sound of Luke’s voice. Her parents were early birds, always in bed hours before she even thought about turning in, so to see Luke awake so late was a bit jarring. She worried, briefly, that he’d be upset that she was wandering around so late at night, however, as she turned to face him with a sheepish, almost apologetic, smile on her lips, she was relieved to see that Luke was smiling at her. The expression on his face was warm, if a bit exhausted, and Charlotte couldn’t hold back the giggle that bubbled in her throat at the story Luke told her.

“I guess some things never change, huh?” Charlotte questioned, a small smile on her lips as she glanced back at the photo of Dylan with wildly uneven hair and a bright grin on her lips. When she returned her gaze to Luke, she noticed the quirk of his eyebrows and laughed slightly as she explained, “I had to talk her out of cutting her own bangs a few weeks ago.” When Luke heaved a mock exhausted sigh, a small smile on his lips as he realized that his daughter was still very much the headstrong girl she’d always been, Charlotte continued. “We watched this movie and the lead girl had really pretty curly hair like D’s. She got bangs at some point in the movie and D swore she could cut her own hair and make it look just like that but all we had was kitchen shears so she eventually backed down.”

Luke shook his head fondly, a huff of laughter leaving his lips as he watched Charlotte’s attention return to the wall full of photos. “I think you’re the majority of her impulse control at this point,” Luke informed her quietly as he watched her glance at a photo he had taken when he was her age. He was dressed in a pair of ripped jeans, a Guns N Roses t-shirt, and had a flannel tied around his waist. His nails had been painted black and he couldn’t help but think about how young he looked there. “I was about your age in that photo,” he informed her as he slowly crossed the hall to stand beside her. “Grunge was big.” He paused for a moment, watching her attention flicker from the photo of him to one of Dylan with three men Charlotte didn’t know. “The blonde one is Michael, the one with the buzz cut and Nine Inch Nails shirt is Calum, and the one with black hair is Ashton. They’re still my best friends. I take it Dylan’s asleep now?”

Charlotte hummed her confirmation with a slight nod as her gaze shifted to a photo of Luke and baby Dylan with an older couple that she correctly identified as his parents. “She fell asleep about an hour ago. I was going to get some water but the pictures caught my eye. I’m sorry for being nosy.”

Luke glanced at Charlotte, a ghost of a smile on his lips, and studied her as she continued glancing at the photos. In the day that she’d been in his home, the conversations he’d had with Dylan in the past came to mind. She’d given him snippets of Charlotte’s life, had told him stories of how awful her parents had been to her, and he realized that what he originally interpreted as politeness was a desire to be as unobtrusive as possible. She’d grown up in a home where she was seen as a nuisance, as an annoyance rather than a joy, and it broke his heart to see her so used to being treated that way. Instead of allowing her to apologize for her curiosity, a trait that he greatly admired in her, he waved off her apology.

“Don’t be,” Luke assured her softly as he kept his eyes on her. “The photos are here to be seen and you’re welcome to explore wherever you’d like. I can tell you the stories behind some of the other photos, if you’d like,” he offered as he watched her lips quirk into a smile as she caught sight of a photo of him and the guys, taken shortly after they’d tossed Michael into a pool to celebrate his twenty-first birthday. “Or you can just explore on your own."

“That’s alright, Mr. Hem- um, Luke,” Charlotte corrected herself, her tone hesitant as she remembered that he had told her time and time again to just call him Luke. Luke bit back a smile at the pink flush of her cheeks and felt his heart ache in his chest as she politely denied his offer. “You really don’t have to. I’m sure you were busy so I’ll just go get some water and try to go to sleep. Thank you for telling me about these.”

“I was finishing up for the night,” Luke informed her as he folded his arms over his chest and watched her bounce on the balls of her feet. She was nervous, that much was clear, and Luke wondered if it was because of the crush that she harbored for him or if it was simply because he was an adult and her parents had instilled a fear of authority in her. He found himself hoping that it was the former, that he could live with, as he offered, “You can explore my office, if you want. Dylan told me that you like to read. If you don’t have anything to read on the flight, you can borrow whatever you want. I’ll be honest, I haven’t had much time to read lately so they’re all getting a little dusty.”

Luke watched as Charlotte contemplated his offer and he himself wondered why he was so desperate to make her feel at ease. He had never given any of Dylan’s friends this much attention before. Dylan had had other friends over who had ended up wandering around their home and when he’d spotted those girls, he’d bid them a quiet good night and had left them to their own devices as he shut his office door and returned to his work. It wasn’t as if he had anything to do with Charlotte and Dylan’s relationship. The pair of them were stronger than ever, the best of friends, and nothing he could say or do would change that. So, why did he feel such a strong pull to the young girl at his side?

“If you really don’t mind,” Charlotte began, her voice quiet as she glanced up at Luke from beneath her lashes, “I really would love that. The only book I brought with me is a book that we started in anthropology and I wanted to finish but I don’t particularly want to read about political corruption while sitting on a beach.”

Luke felt the strange, unexpected ball of anxiety in the pit of his stomach unravel as Charlotte accepted his offer. He didn’t give himself time to think about what that meant, about why he felt so relieved that she hadn’t turned him down, and blinked at the explanation that left her lips. It took him a moment but he laughed, a quiet huff of noise leaving his lips as he realized that was the most Charlotte answer she could have given him, before he nodded and turned toward his office. “Of course not, Charlotte,” he assured her with a smile as he gestured for her to follow him the short distance down the hall. “I don’t mind at all. Pick out whatever you’d like. Feel free to look around. I’m just going to finish up a few more things,” he informed her as he returned to his chair and reached for his pen, “but you can ask about anything.”

Instead of diving straight into his work as he’d intended, Luke watched Charlotte for a long moment. Her eyes were wide as she took in the vast rows of built-in bookshelves that lined the walls of his office. She looked slightly overwhelmed as her eyes raked over the titles. A few of the shelves were filled with music, CDs and crates full of vinyl records that Luke had collected over the years, while others were filled with binders and work documents. One wall was empty of shelves and contained a few of the commemorative records he’d been given over the years but the books that he imagined Charlotte would like, the ones that he read for fun, were close to his desk. However, instead of heading straight for those books, Charlotte paused in front of the crates of records.

She hesitated for a moment, her fingers twitching as she longed to reach out and thumb through the dusty vinyl sleeves, before she asked, “Do you mind if I look through these?” Her voice was quiet as she glanced at Luke out of the corner of her eye before she returned her attention to the crate of records in front of her. She could see a Led Zeppelin vinyl right at the front, the beautiful artwork immediately catching her attention, and she couldn’t help but mumble, “I love vinyl. There’s something really special about it.”

“Of course, Charlotte,” Luke assured her with soft smile as he watched her hands lift to pull the crate away from the wall. “I meant it when I said to feel free to explore. You don’t have to ask.”

There was nothing special about that moment, nothing out of the ordinary, but if Luke had been standing, he would’ve felt his knees go weak as he truly looked at Charlotte for what felt like the first time. Luke watched as Charlotte grabbed the Led Zeppelin album and began poring over it as if it were the most interesting thing in the world and he realized that had always seen her but he had never truly let himself look as he did now. Her dark hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun and she wore an oversized Led Zeppelin t-shirt with a pair of shorts and a pair of fuzzy, bright green socks adorning her feet. He had never seen her dressed so casually, had never seen her look so soft and vulnerable, and he felt a jolt of lightning shoot down his spine at the sight. There was something ethereal about her, something that he couldn’t explain, and it unnerved him.

The feeling that settled in the pit of his stomach was one that he’d only felt once before, decades ago, and he almost didn’t recognize it for what it was as he watched Charlotte smile at the sight of an old Black Sabbath record. He felt a chill run down his spine as he felt his own smile grow at the sight of her happiness, however, as Charlotte’s beaming smile became etched into his memory, Luke began to realize that what Charlotte was making him feel was the same spark he’d felt for Anna in the very beginning. It was a spark that told him that one day he would love this girl, that there was more to her than he had wanted to believe, and his immediate reaction was a strong sense of denial. He was exhausted, overworked and desperate for a vacation, and that was all there was to it. The spark that he imagined, the feelings that were brewing in the pit of his stomach, were all figments of his imagination brought on by sleep deprivation and nothing more.

However, as Luke stared out his window at the city, his eyes sweeping over the buildings as they gleamed in the midday sun, he realized that what he’d felt that night hadn’t been a figment of his imagination at all. The spark that he’d felt, the shiver that had run down his spine as he’d watched Charlotte brush her fingertips over the spines of his books so gently or the way that his heartbeat had raced as he watched her clutch a book to her chest with an excited smile, had been very real and he didn’t know whether to thank himself or hate himself for repressing that memory. If he hadn’t, if he’d let himself cope with his feelings before the night that they shared, then maybe he wouldn’t be wallowing in a pit of guilt and shame as he desperately hoped she’d reach out to him. If he hadn’t repressed his feelings, denied them so strongly that he’d forgotten they even existed, he imagined that the night he and Charlotte shared would have ended very differently. He imagined that he would have seen her again, that they’d be working through how to deal with Dylan together, but he’d never know for sure.

The past was the past and, try as he might, he couldn’t erase the damage that had already been done.

Luke wondered, briefly, if it was too late to reach out again and apologize outright over a text message. The last message he sent her had been a request to meet in person, however, he knew Charlotte. She was likely embarrassed, too anxious to face him, so he imagined that apologizing over text was the only option he had. He wanted to avoid that, it felt cowardly, but the only time he’d be guaranteed to see Charlotte again was at Dylan’s engagement party. Though he knew he could get her alone without anyone finding it unusual, he didn’t think he’d be able to live with himself if he ruined Dylan’s night. Charlotte was the maid of honor and she would be there to support Dylan, not deal with the fallout of their night together, so Luke wondered if Charlotte would open the door for him if he were to show up at her apartment.

Before Luke could chide himself for considering such a ridiculous plan, showing up at her apartment unannounced would only end in disaster, the door to his office opened with a bang. The sudden noise shook him free from his reverie and he blinked to clear his head as he turned his chair toward the source of the noise. He raised an eyebrow at the sight that greeted him, his daughter and assistant glaring at one another, before he rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. Both girls turned their attention to him for a moment, Dylan offering him a pleasant smile and Emma offering him a nervous glance, before the girls returned their attention to one another. Dylan, dressed for a day out and clutching a gift box wrapped in royal blue in her hands, narrowed her eyes at Emma once more before she huffed an annoyed sigh and stepped around the girl to stroll across the room. She ignored Emma’s protests purposefully as she dropped the box on Luke’s desk with a sweet smile in her father’s direction.

Before Emma could speak, Luke raised his hand to stop her. She was new, only doing her job as she attempted to keep any guests without an appointment from barging into Luke’s office, and hadn’t met Dylan yet. Dylan, always happy to cause a bit of chaos, had clearly enjoyed riling up the new assistant and Luke wanted to spare her any further embarrassment. “It’s alright, Emma,” Luke assured her as he gestured toward the girl who Emma quickly began to realize bore a striking resemblance to her boss. “This is Dylan, my daughter. Whatever’s on my schedule, you can push it back a bit. She doesn’t make it a habit to barge in like this,” Luke defended with a cutting glance in his daughter’s direction, pleased that she had the decency to at least pretend she felt some remorse, before he continued, “but I always have time for her.” 

Emma, mildly embarrassed, mumbled a sheepish apology to the both of them and left the room, closing Luke’s door behind her. Dylan, pleased with her father’s defense of her, stuck her tongue out at Emma’s retreating figure before she took a seat in one of the plush leather chairs in front of Luke’s desk. Luke didn’t bother to chide her, it never seemed to do any good, and instead waited for her to begin talking. He knew that she didn’t need any prompting, she would speak when she was ready, so he sat quietly and regarded the blue box with mild curiosity as he waited.

“It’s my ‘will you be my maid of honor’ present for Lottie,” Dylan sighed, answering Luke’s unspoken question after ab eat of silence passed. “It’s got some champagne and a cute little sash for the bachelorette party and this little polaroid scrapbook with tons of pictures of the two of us in it. I worked so hard on it,” she informed him with a slight pout. Luke didn’t speak, he simply raised an eyebrow at this. He was curious as to why Dylan had gone to such extreme lengths to ask Charlotte when he thought that had been the first thing she’d done in terms of wedding preparation. At the puzzled look on his face, Dylan huffed an annoyed sigh. “I haven’t actually formally asked Lottie to be my maid of honor yet,” she told Luke as she tugged at the hem of her dress. “She said that she would be it was a sort of tentative commitment. This is the actual thing. It’s like when people get a promise ring before they get an engagement ring, you know? I know she’s going to say yes, I just have to ask.” Dylan paused for a moment, a look of pain crossing her face, before she slumped in her seat and mumbled, “Well, I did know she was going to say yes. I’m not so sure anymore.”

The doubt in Dylan’s voice surprised Luke. He hadn’t seen much of his daughter in the three weeks since the graduation party - which, while uncommon, didn’t surprise him much as she had been busy moving into a new home with Alex and starting her first real job out of college. When he had seen Dylan, Charlotte hadn’t come up in conversation since the lunch they’d gone to the day after the party, and he had imagined that everything was alright between them. However, judging by the tone of Dylan’s voice and the doubt that she was feeling, he assumed that wasn’t the case. He hesitated for a moment, his guilt returning full force as he realized that this rift was likely the result of his night with Charlotte, before he stood from his seat and walked around the desk to be closer to her. “What do you mean, sweetheart?” he asked, though he imagined he knew, as he glanced at her and felt his heart break as he watched his daughter fight back tears.

“I haven’t heard from Lottie at all since she went home,” Dylan informed him, puffing her cheeks as she tried to keep from sounding as upset as she felt. “I know that she gets weird around her family and that she kind of shuts off from the world but she always lets me know when she gets home and when she makes it back! We get dinner when she’s back in the city and she decompresses and rants about how shitty her trip was and I tell her that she’s great and her family sucks. She got back last week, Maddie told me,” Maddie was a friend of them both who Charlotte happened to work with at a marketing agency. “She hasn’t responded to any of my texts or my snaps and it’s so unlike her. I was going to just go straight over to her place but Alex told me I should stop by here first.” Dylan paused for a moment, her lashes glistening with tears, before she mumbled, “I just keep wondering if me leaving her at the party was, like, the last straw or something. I’ve been such a shitty friend lately that I really wouldn’t blame her if it was.”

Luke breathed a heavy sigh as he reached for Dylan’s hands and tugged her up from her chair. She didn’t try to fight his affection as he pulled her into a tight hug. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in the fabric of his shirt. Luke knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that the guilt had taken a toll on Charlotte and that it was the reason she hadn’t responded to any of Dylan’s messages. He knew that she wasn’t able to look at her, that the inner turmoil she felt was enough to keep her away from her best friend, and it hurt his heart as he internally acknowledged that it was all his fault. He desperately wanted to tell Dylan that, to assure her that she’d had nothing to do with Charlotte’s behavior, however, he knew that he couldn’t. So, instead of confessing, he rubbed her back and told her, “You’re not a shitty friend, sweetheart. You love Charlotte and she knows that. She wasn’t upset with you when I talked to her. She was annoyed with her parents and worried about going home. She was overwhelmed about grad school and in her head but she wasn’t angry at you. This is not your fault.” Luke paused for a moment, desperately hoping that his heart would remain calm as he attempted to console Dylan, before he added, “Maybe you should go see her. You’ll never know what’s happening unless you confront it head on.”

Luke knew that Dylan wouldn’t be able to rest until she’d confronted Charlotte. He also knew that Charlotte wouldn’t be able to make the first move to return to Dylan’s life. They truly were an opposite pair, different in every way, but Luke knew they needed one another. He didn’t want one night, a night that he had yet to fully process, to ruin what he knew would be a lifelong friendship. So, instead of encouraging Dylan to give Charlotte space, he pushed her out the door and back into her friend’s life. He knew that this was what Dylan needed to do and if one of them could absolve their guilt, he wanted it to be her. And as he watched Dylan gather the gift in her hands and rush out of his office, a thank you thrown over her shoulder as an afterthought, Luke decided that he would speak with Charlotte at the engagement party. He knew that he’d be able to pull her away from the crowd at the end of the night and he resolved to let her have the final say in what happened with them. If she wanted to forget the night they shared ever happened, Luke was willing to do that. If she wanted to push forward, to try and make something of their messy relationship, he was willing to do that, too.

Regardless of what she decided, Luke just wanted to know that Charlotte was alright.

If anyone were to ask, Charlotte would tell them that she was doing fine. She was tired, mentally drained from spending two weeks with her family and exhausted from working overtime to gain as much experience as possible with the little time before starting school that she had, but she didn’t dare tell anyone that. She didn’t want anyone asking questions that would make her think too hard about her mental state and she didn’t want to attempt to process her emotions. Delving too deep into the things that she felt beneath the protective layer of indifference her childhood had taught her how to build would likely send her into another bout of panic attacks and tears and that was the last thing she wanted. She realized, idly, as she lounged on her couch and watched another episode of The Simpsons, that she hadn’t actually attempted to decipher what she was feeling since her talk with Mrs. Baker in the park and that thought mildly horrified her as she watched Lisa rant about the importance of protecting the planet.

Charlotte had been a wreck before her talk with Mrs. Baker, overwhelmed and feeling every emotion so deeply that it almost crippled her, and she hated every moment of feeling that way. It made her remember why she had been so closed off as a teenager, why she had been attracted to Luke in the first place - he was supposed to be unattainable, unable to hurt her - and it made her desperate to return to that state. Feelings were exhausting, messy, and, so far, not worth the inner turmoil they caused. She had been trying, desperately, for three weeks to return to the hard-hearted cynic she had been as a young teenager but her mind kept revolving around the same few thoughts.

Luke had known what she felt for him for years. It was never a secret that she was head over heels for him, that she would do anything just to have him smile at her, so for her to throw herself at him shouldn’t have been a surprise. He was the adult in the situation, the one who should’ve known better, so Charlotte imagined that he should’ve been the one to stop her. After all, Luke knew that her anxiety would run rampant after the night hey shared. He knew that she would drive herself crazy, wondering why he’d left and how she was going to deal with Dylan, yet that hadn’t seemed to matter. He had left her, alone and anxious, and dwelling on it hurt more and more every day. 

Instead of letting herself feel the hurt, instead of letting her heart heal naturally, Charlotte closed herself off. It had been easy at home. Her parents never started conversations, her siblings only asked surface level questions that could be answered in a word or two. She didn’t have any friends back home and she didn’t leave the house often enough to interact with her neighbors. Her niece, the youngest, had taken to throwing things and had dropped her cell phone into the pool the moment she’d retrieved it from her car. She hadn’t had a chance to turn it back on and Charlotte, content with being cut off from the outside world, hadn’t replaced it until the day before she drove back to Los Angeles. Withdrawing into herself, distracting herself with work projects she could do from home or with books she’d been meaning to read but hadn’t had the time to, grew easier as the days passed. The hurricane of emotions that she’d felt the morning after she and Luke slept together festered in the pit of her stomach, only occasionally bothering her, and she was content to let them rot there instead of attempting to address them.

It was easier that way.

If she had been honest with herself, though, and if she’d let herself process her emotions, she would’ve been able to admit that she knew that she needed answers. She didn’t really know what she wanted with those answers, however. She wasn’t sure if she wanted closure, if she wanted to move on from Luke and leave any and all thoughts of him behind, or if she still wanted him to just love her, as she had for so long. Whatever she settled for, she knew that she needed something other than radio silence. She couldn’t isolate herself from the world forever, she knew that, but at the moment, hiding away in her apartment was the easiest option.

A knock at her door pulled Charlotte out of her head but she made no move to get up and answer it. She stared at the stark white of her door, her eyes narrowed and a frown on her lips, as she waited for the noise to stop. She hadn’t ordered any food, wasn’t expecting a package, and knew that if it was related to the apartment itself, the building manager would just slip a letter under her door if there wasn’t an answer. It was, potentially, a case of a mistaken apartment - it had happened before - or maybe it was the Girl Scout that lived with her mother in the apartment below hers. No matter who it was, though, Charlotte didn’t plan on answering. She wanted to be left alone, to be allowed to wallow in her emptiness on her only day off, and knew that any human interaction would only irritate her. However, the noise was incessant, steadily growing louder, and she knew that there would be a noise complaint from the grumpy old lady in the apartment beside hers if she didn’t tell whoever couldn’t take a hint to go away.

Charlotte kept the fluffy white blanket she loved wrapped around her body as she shuffled to her front door and realized, a moment too late, that she should’ve glanced through the peephole to see who her visitor was. She unbolted the door and, as it swung open, she barely had time to catch sight of a mess of blonde curls before a tan hand almost made contact with her nose. Charlotte yelped, stumbling backward to avoid getting hit, and Dylan squealed as she quickly withdrew her hand. The two girls stood there for a moment, each staring at the other in mild surprise, before Dylan launched herself across the threshold and wrapped her arms around her best friend.

Although she should have expected Dylan to visit, Charlotte was still frozen in shock as the taller blonde wrapped her arms around her shoulders and held her tight against her chest. Charlotte hadn’t heard from her since the day she left Los Angeles and she had imagined that Dylan was pissed at her for ignoring her messages. After all, she’d gone two whole weeks without reaching out and that was wholly unacceptable in Dylan’s world. Charlotte had sent Dylan a message with her new phone number, letting her know that she was returning to Los Angeles, but hadn’t heard back so she’d assumed that Dylan either knew about her and Luke and was so angry that she was cutting her out of her life or that her disappearing act had hurt her feelings more than Charlotte imagined it would. However, Dylan’s actions said otherwise as she mumbled apologies that Charlotte could barely understand.

Charlotte remained frozen for a long moment before she snapped back to reality and began an attempt to break free of Dylan’s embrace. “Wait, wait,” she mumbled, her voice muffled against the fabric of Dylan’s dress, “what are you apologizing for? What are you even doing here? I’m so confused.”

Dylan allowed Charlotte to pull away from the embrace and moved around her friend, venturing deeper into the apartment, before Charlotte could stop her. She took a seat on the couch, her eyes raking over the pile of notes sitting on the edge of the coffee table and the sticky notes clinging to the outside of Charlotte’s laptop, and frowned at the clear signs of her overwork as Charlotte closed her front door and shuffled across the room to settle into the armchair to Dylan’s right. Dylan hesitated for a moment, an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach that she didn’t like, not when she was in the presence of her best friend, before she placed the royal blue box on the table beside the laptop and turned her full attention to Charlotte.

“…Lottie, I haven’t heard from you in three weeks!” Dylan exclaimed, her eyes wide as she watched Charlotte fold her legs into the chair in an effort to get more comfortable. “At first, I thought it was because of your family and then I figured that you were angry at me for ditching you at the party. I know that I’ve been a shitty friend lately and I’m so sorry. I know that it’s not an excuse but I’ve just been so overwhelmed with all the logistics of moving into the new house with Alex and starting this new job that I haven’t really stopped to think about anything else, including you. But you deserve better, Lottie, and I promise I’ll be the friend you know and sometimes hate if you give me another chance!”

Charlotte stared at Dylan, her eyes wide and her mouth slightly agape, as she took in Dylan’s apology. Although Charlotte had known that Dylan felt bad about the few times she’d blown her off before the graduation party, she hadn’t imagined that Dylan would think she was angry at her. They both had lives, they couldn’t spend every waking moment together anymore, and she’d told Dylan that the first time she apologized for having to cancel plans at the last minute. Charlotte hadn’t been angry with her then and she most certainly wasn’t angry with her now. If she was honest, she had completely forgotten that Dylan was supposed to give her a ride home from the graduation party. 

The reason that Charlotte hadn’t spoken to Dylan in weeks was far worse than anger. As her eyes raked over the familiar sight of her best friend, sitting on her couch and looking as if she belonged in that spot, Charlotte thought back to the night of the graduation party. She thought about a different Hemmings, sitting on the opposite end of her couch, and about the kiss that they’d shared just a foot to Dylan’s left. She thought about the night they’d shared and hoped that Dylan would think the blush that warmed her cheeks was because of their talk. The guilt that Charlotte had felt after sleeping with Luke, after betraying her best friend, was what prompted her to go weeks without speaking to her best friend, not anger. And that guilt returned like a punch to the stomach, more intense and filling her veins with burning shame, as Dylan’s apology washed over her.

Charlotte hesitated for a moment, her words stuck in her throat and the taste of them bitter on the tip of her tongue, before she shook her head. She didn’t want to lie to Dylan but she knew that there was no way she could tell her the whole truth. Not now, anyway, not before she spoke to Luke. So, instead of apologizing for the real reason she’d kept her distance, Charlotte attempted to reassure her best friend and apologize for the things she could fix. “I’m not angry, D. Honestly, I forgot you were even supposed to give me a ride home. And I got back, no big deal. You have a life, I have a life; we’re growing up and that’s fine,” Charlotte assured the curly-haired blonde who was staring at her, wide-eyed and hopeful, “You’re not a shitty friend. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” Charlotte paused for a moment, the guilt churning in the pit of her stomach, and dropped her head to stare at the blanket that covered her legs. She couldn’t look at Dylan as she lied to her, not about something as serious as sleeping with her father, so she kept her eyes on the green splotch that stained her blanket, a remnant of an attempt to paint her nails a long time ago, and attempted to explain as best as she could without hitting the root of the problem.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so distant these past few weeks,” Charlotte choked out, her voice quiet and shaking as she picked at the green stained fabric. She weighed her words heavily, each of them worth their weight in friendship, as her thoughts swirled rapidly in her mind. She hoped that her explanation sounded good enough as she spun her three weeks of anguish into a tale she desperately wanted Dylan to believe. “I was angry at my parents when I left town and kind of overwhelmed about, well, everything, I guess, when I got home. I got in my head and I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I should’ve just told you that instead of shutting down, I know, and I’m sorry that I didn’t.” Charlotte paused for a moment, the inky black of her nail polish a stark contrast against the fluffy white blanket, before she continued. “I didn’t have a phone most of the time I was home, anyway. My niece threw it into the pool the first night at home and I didn’t get a new one until a few days ago. I didn’t want one, didn’t want to talk to anyone, but I texted you, though, to let you know I got a new number. I thought you were mad at me for ignoring you and just didn’t respond.”

Dylan was silent for a moment, relieved that Charlotte wasn’t angry with her and vaguely surprised that her friend had managed two weeks without a cell phone, before she grabbed a throw pillow from the couch and tossed it at her. “We’re both idiots,” Dylan concluded, the relief clear in her voice as she watched Charlotte roll her eyes and place the pillow on the floor beside her chair. It was a misunderstanding, both of them too caught up in their own lives to really know what was happening with the other, and while Dylan hated that, she knew that she could tolerate it so long as it meant having her best friend back. Dylan fell silent for a brief moment before she murmured, “I didn’t get a text from you, though. Are you sure you texted the right number?”

Dylan was surprised that Charlotte didn’t roll her eyes at the question. Instead, she fixed her with a look, a half-hearted version of a look that usually had Dylan withering away from its intensity, before she reached for the shiny new device. “Pretty sure, D,” Charlotte assured her as she avoided looking at her friend by unlocking the device and beginning to scroll through her messages. “All my contacts transferred over but I’ll try it again. Maybe something went wrong the first time.”

As Charlotte tapped at her screen, Dylan watched her carefully. She hadn’t taken a good look at her when she’d first entered the apartment, too anxious to confront her, but she began wishing she had as she really looked at her. Whatever Charlotte had been overwhelmed by had clearly taken a toll on her, Dylan noticed. Charlotte had lost weight, Dylan could see it in her face and in the way her oversized t-shirt hung a little looser than before. The dark circles were prominent beneath her eyes, a clear indication that she hadn’t been sleeping, and Charlotte’s shivering was a clear sign that she was more anxious than she let on. Dylan had lived with Charlotte before, had seen her deep in the throes of anxiety, and it was clear that Charlotte had spent three weeks battling whatever was bothering her. She knew that Charlotte would talk to her when she was ready, especially now that they both realized the other hadn’t been angry at all, but she couldn’t help but hope that she’d be ready to talk sooner rather than later. Charlotte was never rash, never one to do something impulsive or stupid, but Dylan had never seen her this rattled and she didn’t want to idly sit by as her friend plunged into a deep unknown.

Dylan hesitated for a moment, unsure of whether she should speak or not, before she settled on simply reiterating her availability should Charlotte ever need her. “I know I’ve been a bit inconsistent lately but I’m always here if you need me, Lottie,” Dylan reminded her, her voice as gentle as it could be as she watched Charlotte’s movements still. Dylan paused, waiting for Charlotte to speak, but when she remained silent, she continued her thought. “Whatever’s been bugging you is clearly a big deal and I’m here if you need to talk. You’re my person and I love you. You don’t have to be alone.”

Charlotte remained silent for a long moment and Dylan wondered if she should’ve said anything at all. However, before she could apologize for overstepping, Charlotte nodded her head. “I know,” she mumbled, her voice quiet as she kept her gaze on the phone in her hands, “I’m fine. But, thank you. I love you, too, D.” She felt a renewed surge of guilt run through her veins as she assured Dylan that she was fine, that there was nothing to worry about and that she loved her just the same as she always had, when she knew that her love for Dylan was the only truth in that sentiment.

But, then, if she’d really loved Dylan as she said she did, would Charlotte have been able to do something so potentially hurtful? It was a thought that had lingered in the back of her mind, unspoken but ever present, and she desperately wished it would stop plaguing her as she waited for her text message to go through. She loved Dylan, she knew she did, but was that enough to keep their friendship from falling apart when Dylan found out the truth?

Dylan knew that Charlotte wasn’t fine. However, she didn’t want to argue. She knew better than to push, that was always something that drove Charlotte away, but if Dylan had listened a little harder, had looked a little closer, she would’ve seen the tears glittering on Charlotte’s lashes or heard the break in her voice as she assured her that she loved her. She would’ve seen the shaking of her shoulders intensify or how her fingers could barely tap out a simple ‘hello’ on the keyboard. But she didn’t see any of those things. The moment Charlotte shut her down, Dylan stopped looking. It was what she’d always done, let Charlotte shut herself off and hope that things would get better, and it had worked thus far. So, instead of pushing and potentially losing a friend, Dylan let Charlotte go and smiled at the ‘ping’ of her phone, signifying a new message, and updated Charlotte’s contact information.

The pair of them were silent for a long moment. It was an awkward silence, one they hadn’t felt since their first meeting years ago, and it was a new feeling that neither really knew how to handle. They had always been able to talk to one another, to be open and honest about whatever happened to cross their minds, and the stifling silence felt crushing as it consumed them. Whatever was wrong with Charlotte had her closed off again, unwilling to break the awkward stalemate, and Dylan had half a mind to reach out and press play on the paused episode of The Simpsons, just to ease the tension. However, before she could reach for the remote, the shiny blue wrapping paper caught her eye. At the sight of it, she grinned, thankful for something to cut through the chill of the room, and reached out to grab the box off the table. 

“I was going to give this to you tonight,” Dylan began, a small smile on her lips as she toyed with the beautifully tied white ribbon bow, “but, um, I wasn’t sure if you remembered or were still planning to come. So, I bought it over! It’s not much but it’s more than just us, sitting on the roof of my apartment building with a bottle of wine, talking about a hypothetical.”

Charlotte stared at the pretty blue box and racked her brain, unsure of what event she was supposed to be attending. The color scheme seemed familiar, significant, and she desperately wanted to remember why. Dylan could see the confusion on her face, a sign that she wouldn’t have shown had Dylan not reached out, and a hint of worry reignited in the pit of her stomach. Charlotte wasn’t one to forget important events, Charlotte wasn’t one to forget anything, but she had forgotten all about Dylan and Alex’s engagement party. She’d been too busy repressing her emotions and attempting to regain some semblance of normalcy to keep track of the day and the realization hit her like a ton of bricks as she glanced away from the box and looked at Dylan’s face. Dylan looked concerned, more than anything, and that only further knocked the air out of Charlotte’s lungs as she realized that she should’ve been getting ready for Dylan’s engagement party hours ago.

Charlotte and Dylan had planned all of the smaller details shortly after Dylan got engaged. They had focused on things that didn’t matter much in the long run but they’d been giddy, drunk on champagne and happy, as they ironed out the details of shopping trips to come. Charlotte was to be the maid of honor and Dylan interpreted that to mean that Charlotte would be the one to help her choose her outfits for different special events. The engagement party was supposed to be the least stressful as they would only be searching for a cute gold cocktail dress for Dylan and a royal blue one for Charlotte; an easy feat in a city as overflowing with fashion as Los Angeles. Charlotte was supposed to help Dylan find a dress for the rehearsal dinner, something pretty and flowing and white, as well as be present for the wedding dress fitting. They were supposed to get ready together, Charlotte keeping Dylan calm and making her smile with her deadpan humor as they prepared for the hordes of friends and family appearing to celebrate the happy couple. They were supposed to be a team, Charlotte helping usher Dylan into a new chapter of life.

And Charlotte had forgotten.

As Charlotte realized her mistake, the tears she’d been fighting since Dylan arrived seemed impossible to avoid. It was as if the dam burst and there was nothing keeping her from sobbing as she choked out an apology. Her guilt had been heavy, a boulder sitting on her chest and immobilizing her, but it quickly transformed into a tidal wave, drowning her in despair as she tried to cling to some semblance of coherency. She knew that she was being dramatic, that she was only this upset because she’d been refusing to deal with her emotions, but the floodgates had opened and there was no closing them as she mumbled apology after apology. The only words that Dylan could make out were, “I’m so sorry, D,” as she dropped the box back onto the table and moved to kneel in front of the chair.

“It’s okay, Lottie,” Dylan assured her, her hands gentle against Charlotte’s skin as she tried to comfort her friend. Charlotte was never the one to dissolve into hysterics, not when other people were around, so the worry Dylan had been feeling increased tenfold as Charlotte continued sobbing. Dylan imagined that she needed this, that she’d been avoiding her problems and throwing herself into work, but it hurt to see her friend so distraught. Charlotte had always been the strong one, even when she was anxious and overwhelmed, while Dylan had been the one to let her emotions get the better of her. She had never seen Charlotte cry like this, had only really seen her cry once, and she wondered what happened to get her so worked up. It had to have been important, something life altering, and Dylan’s mind raced with possibilities as she pulled Charlotte into an embrace.

“It’s okay, Lottie,” Dylan repeated as she rubbed Charlotte’s back and held her tight. She was quiet for a moment, carefully considering her words as she waited for Charlotte’s sobs to quiet, before she continued speaking. “I know this isn’t just about the party, there’s something else going on, and if you want to talk about it, I’m here. But know that I’m not upset about the party. I just want you to be okay, okay?”

Charlotte wanted to tell Dylan everything. She wanted to come clean and end her suffering, right then and there, but she couldn’t bring herself to. She didn’t know where she and Luke stood, she didn’t know what that night meant. She didn’t know what she could tell Dylan outside of, ‘Hey, I fucked your dad. Wild, right?’ It would have been messy, a harder talk than she ever intended it to be, so she kept quiet. She felt even worse about the situation, letting Dylan console her, but a part of her wanted this. She wanted someone to be there for her, someone to hold her and tell her that it would be alright, and while Dylan wasn’t the Hemmings she’d imagined, Charlotte would take what she could get.

They sat there for a long moment, both girls overwhelmed by emotions, and Charlotte gradually felt herself begin to calm. It was hard, getting herself under control again, but she managed to quiet her sobs into barely there hiccups as she nodded in response to Dylan’s consoling. It was a delayed response but it was something and Dylan felt her own heart begin to calm as Charlotte did. As she felt her relax in her hold, Dylan began to loosen her grip but remained in place, holding Charlotte and listening as she spoke. “I’m really sorry, D,” Charlotte breathed, her voice thick with emotion as she attempted to keep herself calm. “I’ve been so in my head that I didn’t even realize what day it was. I know that you’re here for me and I’ll tell you all about it someday, I just… I need time, okay?”

Dylan nodded in response to Charlotte’s declaration that she just needed some time. That wasn’t the answer that Dylan had been hoping for, not after seeing Charlotte break down, but it gave her hope that things would be alright. Charlotte verbalizing that she just needed a little space gave her hope that she knew she’d be there whenever she was ready and that they’d be able to talk it out someday, hopefully soon. Dylan knew better than to push when Charlotte verbalized her desire for space so, instead of continuing with the conversation, Dylan pulled away from the embrace and reached for the abandoned box. “Here,” she offered with a smile, her own eyes watery as she watched Charlotte avoid her gaze. “Like I said, it’s kinda small but I hope you love it.”

Charlotte hesitated, her fingers shaking as she brushed the silky ribbon holding the box closed. Dylan’s quiet encouragement, her nervous smile and rosy cheeks, told Charlotte that the gift was important but she didn’t feel that she deserved anything. She wanted to hand it back, to return to her solitude, but she couldn’t refuse it. So, instead of handing the box back to Dylan, Charlotte carefully opened it up. Inside, nestled among a pile of gold, sparkly tissue paper, was a miniature bottle of champagne, a few pieces of her favorite chocolate, a pink sash that read ‘Maid of Honor’ in bold white letters, and a small polaroid scrapbook. Charlotte felt her eyes welling with tears once more but blinked them away quickly as she tugged the scrapbook free from the box.

“I tried to go chronologically,” Dylan informed her, her voice bright as Charlotte began flipping through the pages and glancing at the photos. “You dated most of the pictures but some of them were ones I took or ones I got from other people so they don’t have dates on them. I just, I don’t know. I wanted to put all our memories together because my best college memories have you in them, Lottie. I know we’ve only been best friends for four years but it feels like I’ve known you my whole life. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, you’re my person, and I really, really would love it if you’d be my maid of honor. I know we’ve talked about it before but this is me formally asking you.” Dylan paused for a moment, a small smile on her face as an idea popped in her head. Charlotte was distracted, her eyes on the photos, as Dylan reached into the box and grabbed the sash, before she settled onto one knee in front of Charlotte. “Charlotte Harper,” she began, a goofy grin on her lips as she looked up at Charlotte and met her eye for only the second time that day, “will you do me the incredible honor of being my maid of honor?”

Charlotte blinked, mildly surprised, before a grin made its way to her lips. “I hate you,” Charlotte laughed, the first real laugh she’d uttered in weeks, and it felt good. It felt normal, watching Dylan make the moment dramatic and easing the tension, and Charlotte realized that she’d missed normalcy. She’d missed happiness. She’d missed her best friend. So, she pretended that everything was fine for that one moment and nodded. “Yeah, D,” she confirmed, a real smile on her lips as she reached out to grab the sash from Dylan’s outstretched hands, “I would love to be your maid of honor.  But please tell me this doesn’t mean I’ll be stuck with Alex’s little brother the entire time.”

“Danny’s so sweet!” Dylan huffed, a matching grin on her lips as she moved to sit cross-legged on the cool tile floor. “He’s precious and you guys will get along great. Plus, he’s single, you know,” Dylan pointed out, wagging her eyebrows as she watched Charlotte trace her fingers over the letters on the sash.

“He’s also barely 18. No thank you, D,” Charlotte denied, not willing to tell her that she had another, more important reason for not wanting anything to do with Danny. Instead of letting Dylan get started on her love life, as Charlotte imagined she would, she attempted to change the conversation. She knew that she looked like a mess, dressed in an oversized t-shirt and a pair of shorts, and that they’d made plans to go shopping. She knew that they’d be cutting it close, it was after one, but maybe they still had time. “Give me, like, ten minutes and I can be ready to go shop. I know it was supposed to be an all day thing but maybe we could still find something,” she offered as she returned the sash to the box and placed the lid back on it.

Before she could get out of her chair, Dylan shook her head. “Don’t worry, Lottie,” Dylan assured her, a smile on her lips as she shrugged. “I went with Alex’s sister a few days ago. I found a dress, just in case, and I know that you have that pretty blue one in your closet that you’ve been dying to wear.” When Charlotte slumped in her seat, upset with herself more than anything, Dylan reached out and nudged her leg. “It’s not the end of the world,” she repeated Charlotte’s earlier words, altering her voice to sound like her friend and grinning when the brunette scoffed at her. “We still have the rehearsal dinner dress and the actual wedding dress to get. I got an appointment at LOHO, that place I was telling you about, and I put you down as one of the people coming with. I’ll send you the details when I get home.”

Charlotte felt a flurry of emotions as she took in Dylan’s words. She was happy that Dylan had gotten an appointment at the bridal shop she’d fallen in love with but felt guilty that her first duty as maid of honor had been neglected. Their day had fallen through and it was entirely her fault. She wondered, idly, if she’d even be able to go shopping with Dylan for the other dresses. There was plenty of time before they truly got started on wedding preparation and she imagined that Dylan would find out about her affair with Luke before then. Charlotte didn’t want to keep it from her forever, not when she knew that the longer she waited, the worse the truth would hurt. However,  she desperately wanted to keep Dylan in her life. She wanted to be a part of the wedding experience, to provide moral support and comfort whenever her friend needed it, and she wouldn’t be able to do that if Dylan cut her out of her life. But instead of verbalizing those thoughts, Charlotte nodded and offered Dylan what she hoped looked like a real smile.

“I’m glad you and Delia are getting along,” Charlotte uttered instead, proud that Dylan had spent a day with Alex’s sister, Danny’s twin, and hadn’t had a breakdown. Things had been rocky at first, Delia hadn’t really liked Dylan and had made it her mission to pull pranks on her brother’s girlfriend. Now, it seemed, those days were over and the pair of them were getting along. It made Charlotte happy, glad that something was going right, and she couldn’t help herself as she quipped, “Alex still feel left out that he’s the only one without a ‘D’ name in the entire family?”

Dylan grinned, bright and happy that Charlotte was at least pretending to be herself, and nodded. “Yeah,” she laughed, her voice returning to its usual volume as she stood from her spot on the floor. “He told me we’re not giving our kids names that start with either ‘A’ or ‘D’. Everyone’s gonna be different because he doesn’t want anyone feeling left out,” she informed Charlotte with a fond roll of her eyes as she reached for her cellphone. “That man, I love him.”

“He’s a good egg,” Charlotte agreed, a soft smile on her lips as she watched Dylan gather her belongings and prepare to leave. Their conversation had lasted for over thirty minutes, longer than they’d spoken in weeks, and it felt nice to have some normal part of her life return. She wasn’t ready for the party, not by a long shot - mostly because she knew she’d see Luke and she was, in no way, shape, or form, even remotely ready for that - but she was desperate to be there for her friend. “The party starts at seven, yeah?”

“Sure does,” Dylan nodded, watching as Charlotte stood to let her out of the apartment. “At that hotel downtown, the one we got wasted at freshman year and had to have my dad come pick us up.” If Dylan noticed Charlotte flinch at the mention of her father, she didn’t say anything. It was an involuntary response that Charlotte knew she needed to work on, one that she knew would give her away if she hoped to keep her night with Luke quiet for any length of time. Luckily, though, Dylan didn’t mention it as she reached out and hugged Charlotte once more. “I’ll see you in a few hours, Lottie. I’m glad that you don’t hate me and I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling so shitty. No matter when you decide you’re ready, I’m here. Even if it’s, like, two in the morning. I’ll be ready. Just let me know. I love you!”

Charlotte’s heart filled with a mixture of guilt and love as she hugged Dylan. She was so willing to help her, to be there for her in the only way she knew how, and it made things that much harder. She hoped that Dylan didn’t hear the hitch in her voice as she returned, “I love you, too, D,” before she released the curly haired blonde and watched her pull open the front door. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

As Dylan left, Charlotte felt a new feeling settle into the pit of her stomach. She tried not to identify it, tried to swallow it and focus on the slight normalcy she’d gotten a dose of, but she’d opened the floodgates and couldn’t close them. The feeling wasn’t purely anxiety, nor was it purely guilt. It was some amalgamation of everything she’d felt, anxiety and guilt and panic, mixed with a dash of hope and a little excitement. She was happy for her friend, glad that she’d be there for an important event, but she felt a bit queasy as she imagined how she would confront Luke. It wasn’t a thought that had crossed her mind before this moment and, as she wandered through her apartment, she wondered if Luke would even acknowledge her.

Before the night they shared, Charlotte had liked to think that she knew Luke. She had liked to think that she knew he wouldn’t be the type to blow her off entirely, not after the anxiety he caused her, but after he left, fully aware of the hurricane of emotions she’d been experiencing, Charlotte realized that she didn’t know Luke at all. She knew that he was sweet and soft when he wanted to be, that he loved his daughter and his friends. She knew that he was a hard worker, one dedicated to his job. But none of those things told her whether he would be willing to sit down with her, to talk about the night they’d shared and figure out what to do next. None of those things explained why he’d left her, afraid and alone, and why he hadn’t reached out. None of those things helped her quell the anxiety in the pit of her stomach as she began preparing for the party far too early, just to have something to occupy her time as she attempted to plan her conversation with Luke.

It took Charlotte nearly twice as long for her to get ready as it normally would. Her hands wouldn’t stop shaking and her mind continued to wander, leaving her staring into space for minutes at a time, as she attempted to perfect her makeup. She settled on neutral colors, warm tones with a little gold in the center of her eyelid in homage to the happy couple, and curled her hair in beach-y waves. She contemplated sipping a glass of wine as she got dressed, almost desperate for the liquid courage it would afford her, but she knew that she needed to avoid alcohol. She wanted to remember her conversation with Luke, wanted to be able to speak to him without the haze of alcohol clouding her judgement, so she left the bottle in the fridge to grab when she returned home.

Charlotte had no desire to drive herself and ordered an Uber a little too close to seven for her usual comfort. She always liked to be early, she could count on one hand the number of times she’d been late to an event, but this time, she hoped that by arriving a few minutes late she would be able to avoid seeing Dylan and Alex alone. She hoped that Luke would also be late, or that he’d already be busy with relatives or family friends by the time she arrived, and that she’d have a minute to breathe before she laid eyes on him. She wasn’t ready, she knew that, and tried her best to breathe through the nerves. She spent the Uber ride to the hotel bracing herself, steeling herself, and felt a sense of confidence she hadn’t felt in weeks wash over her as they drove through the city. It was fake, she knew that, but it helped and that was all she needed.

However, her confidence was short lived and seemed to shatter into shards around her as she pulled up to the hotel.

Charlotte’s timing had been off, just enough, that they still had ten minutes before guests were scheduled to arrive. Her internal clock had sabotaged her, had gotten her there later than she normally would’ve arrived but still too early, and she bit back an annoyed whine as she watched Alex hand the valet the keys to his car. Charlotte hoped that neither he nor Dylan would see her, that they would simply head inside and let her follow, however, she had no such luck. Alex pointed her out, a smile on his lips as he waved at her, and Charlotte was barely able to return it as she caught sight of Luke. Luke had been waiting for Dylan and Alex, standing near the entrance of the hotel, and Charlotte felt her heart race at the sight of him. Her knees felt weak and her breathing grew heavier as she stared at him, unable to look away. He was focused on Dylan, smiling at her as she handed him a piece of paper, and Charlotte almost wished she could turn around and leave.

She didn’t get the chance, though, as Alex opened the door for her and offered his hand to help her out of the car. Charlotte mumbled a distracted ‘thank you’ to her driver before Alex shut the door and guided her up the steps to where Dylan and Luke stood. 

Dylan looked beautiful, dressed in a stunning gold dress that complimented her skin perfectly, and Charlotte couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Alex, after squeezing Charlotte’s hand, settled into his spot beside Dylan and it warmed her heart to see the look of pure adoration on his face as he glanced down at his fiancé. They were perfect for one another, a beautiful couple that Charlotte adored, and she was happy that Dylan had come to her apartment. Regardless of the hurricane of emotion, swirling in the pit of her stomach, Charlotte wouldn’t have wanted to miss this. Dylan was her person, her best friend, and she needed to be there for her.

Charlotte’s emotions were all over the place as she took in the sight of her best friend and the love of her life, however, what really did her in was the sight of Luke. Her heart pounded in her chest as she studied him, dressed in a pair of fitted black pants and a royal blue button down with his hands shoved deep into his pockets and an unreadable expression on his face. He looked beautiful, just as ethereal as she had always seen him, and she longed to run her fingers through his golden curls once more. As she struggled to keep breathing, steady and slow, she realized that she was woefully unprepared for this. Every emotion she’d repressed hit her like a tidal wave, heavy and threatening to drown her, and there was nothing she could do except ride out the storm.

“Lottie,” Dylan cheered, her tone portraying every ounce of excitement Charlotte knew she felt, “look at you! I love that dress. You look so pretty!” Dylan breathed a happy sigh, glad that her best friend had arrived at least a few moments before the chaos truly began, and squeezed Charlotte. When she pulled away, her stormy blue eyes shining with happiness, Charlotte couldn’t help but return the smile. It felt natural, automatic like breathing, and it made her forget her guilt for a fraction of a second.

“Look at me? Look at you! You look gorgeous, D. You,” Charlotte began, turning to Alex with a small smile that didn’t really reach her eyes, though she desperately wished it did, “are very lucky. And, I mean, you look fine, too, I guess.” When Alex rolled his eyes fondly, a smile on his lips as he reached out and nudged Charlotte’s shoulder, she felt a small ounce of peace. This felt normal, showering Dylan with praise and teasing Alex, and it felt like a part of her life that she’d worried was over was returning.

“Glad to see you, Lottie,” Alex assured her with a smile as he wrapped an arm around Dylan’s waist. “I’ve missed that charming wit of yours. Oh, D told me you said yes to being the maid of honor. Danny’ll be here tonight. You guys can talk. He said he wanted to make a grand entrance at the reception so, uh, wear your dancing shoes.” When Charlotte fixed Alex with a glare, Alex grinned and winked at her. “This is going to be so fun for everyone except you.”

“Stop teasing Lottie,” Dylan instructed with a laugh as she gently swatted Alex’s arm. “Don’t make her regret agreeing to be my maid of honor. If she backs out, I’m stealing Danny and you can find a new best man,” Dylan warned, a blinding grin on her lips as she reached out to take Charlotte’s hand.

“I could always ask Luke,” Alex grinned, turning his attention to the man who was watching the three of them interact with a soft smile on his lips. When Luke shook his head, a fond laugh escaping his lips, Alex grinned in triumph. “See, he’d be down. Do we need to restructure the whole wedding, just in case?”

Dylan narrowed her eyes at him playfully, her lips pursed and her arms moving to cross over her chest, as Charlotte and Luke both shook their heads fondly. This was what everyone loved about Alex and Dylan, how fun they were together, and it made both Charlotte and Luke happy to know that Dylan had someone so good in her life. However, Luke imagined that it would be best if they avoided a play argument, one that usually ended with them chasing one another around the room, so he interjected before Dylan could speak.

“I think we should head inside,” Luke hummed, his voice quiet as he glanced at all three of them, settling on Charlotte last. He felt a ball of nerves in the pit of his stomach, a feeling that was so foreign that it almost surprised him, as they made eye contact for the first time in three weeks.

Charlotte’s knees felt weak as she lost herself in Luke’s eyes. Being in his presence, so close after three weeks of distance, had more of an effect on her than she would’ve liked. Her heart continued to race, heavy and hammering in her chest, and she desperately wanted to wither away from his gaze but found herself unable to blink first. She didn’t want to look away from him, not when all she’d wished for was to be with him once more, but she knew that she’d melt into tears if he kept looking at her that way. It was almost as if he was studying her, watching her closely and attempting to read her. He could see, deep beneath the ounce of shimmering happiness, the endless pool of anxiety that still plagued her and his resolve to speak with her only deepened.

Luckily, before Charlotte was forced to look away from the intensity of Luke’s gaze, Alex and Dylan both murmured their agreement to Luke’s suggestion. “I think we need drinks,” Dylan hummed, her voice clearly displaying her happiness as she nudged Charlotte’s shoulder and grinned. “They have that wine you like here,” Dylan reminded Charlotte with a grin as she grabbed Alex’s hand and began tugging him into the hotel. Charlotte trailed behind Dylan and Alex, Luke at her side, and watched as the pair of them chatted happily. They sounded so carefree, so light, that Charlotte felt herself continually deflate as they wandered toward the ballroom.

Charlotte knew that she couldn’t ruin Dylan’s happiness. She couldn’t tell her that she’d betrayed her trust and slept with her father behind her back. She couldn’t tell her that she’d thrown away four years of friendship for something that likely didn’t mean anything. So, she tried her hardest to keep herself in check and Luke, acutely aware of Charlotte’s inner turmoil, reached over to squeeze Charlotte’s hand gently. He kept his eyes forward, watching Dylan and Alex, and released Charlotte’s hand as quickly as he’d grabbed it but the gesture made her heart stutter as they stepped into the ballroom.

Charlotte glanced around the room in awe. The space was beautiful, decorated in white, gold, and royal blue, and Dylan lit up as she watched Charlotte begin to lose herself in the decor and wander around the room. She vaguely registered Alex speaking to Luke, informing him that he and Dylan were going to get the drinks, but she paid them no mind as she drank in the beautiful decor. She didn’t hear Luke assure them that you’d both be find, that you’d be there in case anyone arrived early, as she gently brushed her fingers along the backs of the chairs.

Charlotte half expected Luke to speak as she heard Dylan’s heels clicking out of the room as she disappeared into the small kitchen but he didn’t. Instead, he took a seat at one of the small, round tables and watched intently as she trailed her fingers along the wall beneath the row of gilded picture frames. Photos had been a large part of her relationship with Dylan and, as a result, had become equally as important to Dylan and Alex. Although Charlotte hadn’t helped plan the event, she hadn’t really been involved at all, the symbolic gesture of including a string of polaroids that she took made her smile.

She studied the wall of photos and smiled softly as she spotted a photo taken on the night that Dylan and Alex met. She was in the background, frowning as she wiped spilled beer from her jeans, and she laughed as she remembered how afraid of her Alex had been at first. Another photo, one that she took of Dylan and Alex as they left for their first date, featured them both blushing and giggling nervously. It was her favorite, one that she insisted on keeping a surprise until they’d been together for a year, and she was proud that they included it. Another picture, one from the first Christmas they spent together, reminded her that she had been just out of frame, crunching a candy cane and watching Luke snap picture after picture of his “little girl, growing up too fast.” One last picture, another that she’d taken, was from the night that Alex had asked Dylan to marry him. They’d gone ice skating and he’d decorated the rink to look like a winter wonderland, even though it was March outside.

All of the photos contained beautiful, happy memories and Charlotte felt herself falling into them headfirst. However, no matter how deep she delved into her mind, nothing seemed to help her shake the feeling of Luke’s eyes burning into her skin.

“I never really believed in any of this,” Charlotte began, her voice quiet but still managing to carry through the grand room and reach Luke. “In love, I mean. My mom’s been married a million times and my real dad is miserable and hasn’t found anyone else. My brother’s been divorced twice and is barely thirty. I thought no one got a happy ending, you know?” Charlotte hummed, pausing for a moment as she stopped in front of a picture of Dylan and Alex from the graduation party. She breathed a quiet sigh at the look of pure love radiating from the two of them and shrugged. “Then I saw Dylan and Alex together. The way that he looks at her… They’re just so happy and I can only hope that I’m lucky enough to find someone to look at me that way someday.”

Charlotte hesitated for a moment, her thoughts a jumbled mess in her head, before she turned her gaze to the floor and continued pacing slowly. She continued to speak, unsure of whether Luke was listening. “I want someone to look at me like I hung the moon and the stars just for them. I want someone to love me, even when I’m being difficult and overthinking for no reason other than that’s just how my brain works. I want someone to love me, all of me, and all of the things that come with that.” Charlotte fell silent, her heart aching in her chest as she had voiced her deepest thoughts aloud. She stood still, her feet frozen in place, as she mumbled, “Some days I think I’ll find them. I think that they’re right there, that maybe the timing just isn’t right. But other days, most days, I’m sure that they don’t exist. I’m sure that there isn’t a person like that out there for me and that’s okay. I like to think that I’ll be alright with that, that being alone won’t be so bad, but it’s hard watching everyone fall in love while I’m left behind.”

Luke, who had been listening with a heavy ache in his chest, wanted nothing more than to wrap Charlotte in his arms and assure her that there was someone out there for her. He wanted to tell her his revelation, that he could be that someone if she let him, but he worried that the damage he’d caused was too great for her to give him another chance. He wanted to explain himself, to apologize, and his body acted on that instinct. Charlotte was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t hear Luke standing from his seat. She didn’t hear the click of his boots against the floor as he moved to stand beside her and she didn’t notice his presence until she felt his fingers gently grin her chin as he encouraged her to look up at him.

“You’re too young to be this jaded, pretty girl,” he whispered, a sad smile on his lips as he brought both hands to her face and cupped her cheeks. His palms felt warm against her skin, the comfort she’d been craving, and Luke sighed sadly as she melted into his touch. His fingers gently brushed at her cheekbones, careful not to disturb her makeup, as he whispered, “You have all the time in the world to fall in love. Don’t rush it.”

Although Charlotte didn’t agree, she nodded. She found herself unable to speak. She didn’t want to open her mouth and risk more of her deepest desires escaping. She didn’t want to tell Luke that she could imagine herself falling hopeless in love with him. She didn’t want to tell him that she wasn’t rushing anything, that she’d waited four years for him, for someone to make her feel the way that he did. She didn’t want to tell him that she hadn’t bothered to look elsewhere because she’d been looking for him.

She didn’t want to jump again only for him to let her fall.

Instead of speaking, instead of telling him everything she wished he could know, Charlotte cast her gaze to the floor and hoped that Luke would take pity on her and let her go. She felt like she couldn’t breath with his hands on her, with his mouth so close to hers, and she desperately needed a breath of fresh air. However, Luke kept her in place and gently tilted her head to make her look him in the eye. He studied her for a long moment, his eyes burning into hers, and she felt vulnerable as he saw exactly what he’d been afraid of seeing.

Luke could see dark circles beneath her concealer and he could see the way her dress hung a little looser than it should have. He could see the unevenness of her eyeshadow, the minimal effort she put into something that he knew she loved doing, and it made his heart ache to realize just how greatly this had affected her. He wanted to kiss her, to press his lips to hers in a sort of apology, and he couldn’t help himself as he leaned in and brushed his nose against hers.

“We should talk,” he whispered, his voice soft as he met her eyes once more. There was more he wanted to say, so much more, but he couldn’t bring himself to add anything else as he felt her nod.

“We really should,” she agreed, her voice just as quiet as his had been. She was glad that she hadn’t had to seek him out on her own, however, the way that he touched her made her feel that their conversation was going to be an ending, rather than a beginning. She worried that he was going to tell her that it was a mistake, something that should’ve never happened, but she wouldn’t know until they actually sat down and talked about it.

Luke fell silent as he took another moment to search her face. Charlotte wasn’t sure what he was looking for, what he hoped to see, but he must’ve found it as he released his hold on her and reached into his pocket to remove a keycard in an envelope. Luke gently grabbed her wrist, his touch feather light as he said, “I’ll be in room 2305 at ten,” he informed her quietly, his eyes searching hers as he pressed the key card into her palm and curled her fingers around it. He could see the uncertainty swirling in her hazel eyes, a strong emotion clouding them, and he could tell that she was just as anxious to talk as he was. However, he also wanted to offer her an out, a way to let it all go if that was what she wanted, so he brought her hand to his mouth and pressed a gentle kiss to her knuckles. “If you’re not there by ten-thirty, I’ll understand completely. We can pretend that nothing ever happened and go back to the way things were, interacting only for Dylan, if that’s what you want."

That was the last thing Charlotte wanted, to forget that anything happened, however, before she can tell Luke that, the telltale click of Dylan’s heels signified that she and Alex were returning. Luke removed his hand from Charlotte’s wrist and stepped into place beside her. He made a comment about one of the photographs, a quiet mumble about it being cute, and Charlotte found herself nodding along as Dylan handed her a glass of wine. Charlotte could still feel her heart being rapidly as she hoped she didn’t look suspicious.

Dylan glanced at Charlotte and Luke for a long moment, her smile one of content, before she sighed happily. She looked thrilled, pleased with herself, and it helped ease Charlotte’s panic slightly. “My best friend,” Dylan sighed, “my best guy.” She paused for a moment, a grin quirking her lips, before she turned to Luke and hummed, “My best dad,” and beamed at the laugh that vibrated deep in his chest. “I love all of you so much,” Dylan informed them happily, her smile radiating pure joy as she raised her glass of champagne in a toast. “I’m so thankful that all of you are in my life. I can’t imagine it any other way.”

Although Charlotte could, at that moment, imagine things ending very differently, she chose to keep her thoughts to herself and took a gulp of wine. She hadn’t planned on drinking, however, one glass of wine to calm her nerves felt necessary as she could still feel the heat of Luke’s palms on her cheeks. She hated that, hated how such a small touch could affect her so greatly, and wanted to cry as she realized how great his hold over her was. She felt overwhelmed, however, before she had to excuse herself to take a deep breath, the first rush of guests entered the ballroom and Charlotte found herself breathing a sigh of relief as Dylan and Alex’s attention fell onto other people.  She headed to her seat, the key to Luke’s hotel room weighing heavily in the pocket of her dress, and thanked her lucky stars that she hadn’t been seated at the same table as him.

The party passed in something of a blur as Charlotte mingled with friends. She was quieter than normal, however, no one found her behavior odd as she smiled and laughed when appropriate. They assumed she was overwhelmed with the crowd and let her be. Her attempted normalcy, though difficult with her mind focused squarely on what she would tell Luke, was aided by his disappearance. Luke only appeared sporadically, long enough to greet guests or to give a speech in honor of Dylan, and Charlotte wondered where he continued to wander off to. She had seen a few of his friends, Ashton and Calum and Michael, and imagined that they were keeping him company. However, the closer the clock ticked to ten, the less she saw of Luke or any of his friends. She overheard someone mention that they’d overheard him tell Dylan that something had come up and that he’d needed to leave, and her heart raced just a little faster as she began thinking up her own excuse.

Charlotte hadn’t considered how she would get Luke alone. If she was being honest, she hadn’t imagined she would get the chance. However, she decided to use Dylan’s sympathy to her advantage and used the crippling anxiety she’d been feeling as an excuse to leave. She waited for a moment, letting Dylan finish a conversation with a work friend, before she pulled her into a hug and told her that she wasn’t feeling well. Dylan, sympathetic and understanding, ushered her out of the ballroom and made her promise to call if she felt ready to talk. Charlotte felt bad for lying to Dylan, she felt guilty that she was leaving the engagement party to slip away to a hotel room with her best friend’s father, but she knew that this was necessary. They needed to talk so Charlotte promised Dylan she would and let her friend get swept away by a sea of guests before she made a break for it.

Charlotte nearly sprinted to the elevator, uncaring of how she looked as she anxiously pressed the call button. She checked the time on her phone, her heart dropping as she realized that she should’ve been upstairs five minutes ago, and she hoped desperately that Luke wouldn’t begrudge her five minutes. She felt sick, bile rising in her throat as she stepped onto the elevator, and hoped that Luke wouldn’t think she’d given up on him. She worried, the entire ride up to twenty-third floor, that she’d lost her chance to, at the very least, get a sense of closure.

By the time she reached her floor and stood in front of his room, Charlotte was ten minutes late and certain that Luke had given up on her. Luke knew that she was never late so she was certain that the ten extra minutes she took would be the end of whatever they could’ve had. Shew as certain that she was going to open the door to find the room empty, Luke nowhere to be found, but she had to know for sure. Despite the too fast tempo of her heart and the raging storm of emotion in the pit of her stomach, Charlotte blinked back the tears that threatened to spill past her lashes and pulled the key from her pocket. She took a deep, shaky breath, and carefully slipped the card into the reader before she stepped into the room.

To Charlotte’s great surprise, the room was bathed in the warm glow of lamplight and Luke was standing by the large wall of windows. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets and he wore his heart on his sleeve as he stared out over the city. He had had ample time to think this through, had agonized over it all day, and had analyzed ever possible scenario. He knew that he shouldn’t want this, he knew that he shouldn’t want her, but he did. He wanted Charlotte more than he’d wanted anyone in decades and he’d wanted her for two years, he just hadn’t been able to admit that to himself. He hated that it took causing her so much pain to realize what he wanted, however, he felt certain that they were now on the same page.

Luke hadn’t wanted to admit that he could see a future with Charlotte and, though he knew that the road would be paved with hardship for them, he didn’t want to run from her now that he had. He wanted to lean into the sparks that he felt, wanted to tell her that they could make things work. He didn’t want to run from her anymore.

He was ready to fall and he hoped that she’d be ready to jump with him.

Luke had felt his stomach drop as he watched the time, a minute late quickly turning into ten, but the moment the door beeped, the small spark of hope he’d felt returned to him. No matter the reason for her tardiness, she had come, and that was all that Luke could’ve hoped for. He wanted the opportunity to talk to her, to tell her how he felt and assure her he wanted her just as badly as she wanted him. He wanted to apologize for the anguish he’d put her through, for the anxiety he could still see in her body language as she stepped into the room.

Most of all, he wanted to promise her that she would be loved the way she deserved, if she just gave him the chance.

Charlotte lingered a few feet from him, her arms folded over her chest after she’d dropped her bag and the key card on the desk. Her voice was timid, quiet, as she apologized to him. “I’m sorry I’m so late,” she whispered, unsure of whether he wanted to hear it or not. She was afraid to burst the bubble that existed inside the room and Luke understood. They both felt a surge of fear, the unknown looming over them as they attempted to navigate a sticky situation, and Luke knew that they were on the same page. He was just as afraid of what the conversation would bring so he allowed her soft voice to wash over him as she continued speaking. “I lost track of time,” she informed him, desperate to explain herself as she carefully took a step forward. “Danny wanted to show me what he had in mind for the entrance and I was tempted to run screaming,” she joked weakly, a slight attempt to ease the tension that filled the room and weighed heavily on them both.

Luke remained still for a moment, breathing deeply to calm himself, before he turned to face her. Charlotte was relieved to find a small smile on his lips, his expression soft and fond. He couldn’t help himself. As he let himself acknowledge what he felt for Charlotte, he’d found himself smiling at little memories of her. It was a reflex, something that he hoped never left so long as they could make things work. However, neither of them dwelled on the look for long. Instead, Luke shook his head and, in a tone just as quiet as hers, assured her, “It’s alright, pretty girl. I’m not upset.”

The room fell silent as they remained in their spots, each of them studying the other. Charlotte was still nervous, anxious and uncertain, and Luke could see the rigidity in her posture as she played with the bracelet adorning her wrist. He knew that touch calmed her, that it gave her an anchor, so he breathed a quiet sigh before he held his hand out to her. “Come here,” he whispered, his gentle tone assuring her that it was a request, not a demand. To his delight, Charlotte crossed the room readily and took his hand in her own. He gave her a reassuring squeeze, not unlike the one he’d given her hours earlier. He marveled at the difference in body temperature, his hands a fiery warmth while hers were ice cold, before he released her hand and wrapped his arms around her shoulders to pull her into an embrace that he hoped would be comforting.

Even in a pair of heels, the top of Charlotte’s head barely reached above his shoulder and Luke leaned down to press a soft kiss to the crown of her head. When she relaxed against his chest and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, Luke released a shaky breath and whispered, “You look so beautiful tonight, pretty girl.” He could feel the heat of her cheek against the exposed sliver of chest and he smiled before he pressed another soft kiss to the crown of her head. “This is a beautiful color on you,” he complimented as his fingers moved gently over the soft fabric.

They matched, both in royal blue, and it made Charlotte happy. She always saw him in black and red, in deep, rich colors, so to see him in blue was a welcome sight. “You look beautiful, too,” she returned, her voice muffled against his skin as she brushed her hands over his back, careful not to bunch the fabric of his shirt. Luke smiled at her compliment, his heart warming at her sincerity. He sometimes wondered how she could find him so attractive when he could clearly see their age difference, when he knew that he was far more attractive twenty years ago, but he knew not to question it with her. Instead, he squeezed her shoulder in gratitude as she mumbled, “I love seeing you in these types of shirts.”

“I gathered,” Luke teased softly, his voice quiet as he carefully brushed his hands over her exposed shoulders. “You stare the most when I wear them. But, for you, I’ll wear one whenever you want.” He hesitated for a moment, afraid to ruin the moment, before he breathed a quiet sigh. He carefully shifted, an attempt not to jar her, as he moved his hands to cup her cheeks. He met her gaze, his blue eyes clouded with emotion, and Charlotte felt her stomach drop as he whispered, “We need to talk.”

The soft embraces, the quiet words and whispered compliments, felt like a dream that had come to an end as Luke reminded her of what they’d snuck away for. She wanted to talk to him, she was desperate to talk to him, however, she needed a moment. “I want to,” she nodded, her voice shaking with emotion as she confirmed the reason for their meeting, “we really need to. But I’ve been so anxious about this for so long and now that you’re touching me, it feels like nothing else matters. I feel like I can breathe again and I just really need a minute to breathe.”

Luke felt his heart shatter as Charlotte spoke. He had know that the night they shared would cause her anxiety and he had known that it would be an overwhelming experience for her. However, he hadn’t realized just how hard she would take it all. His leaving had done more harm than good and he deeply regretted not staying and talking to her. If he could change the past, he would. He would’ve stayed, would’ve promised her that the night meant more to him than just a one night thing, but he imagined it was for the best that he hadn’t stayed. He had been given the chance to gather his own emotions, to reach a better understanding of what he felt about Charlotte, and he no longer felt like he was stringing her along as he stared down at her. He had finally acknowledged that he knew that he could love her, knew that he could imagine a future with her, and he hadn’t been able to acknowledge that three weeks ago. He hated that he’d had to destroy her to gather his own feelings but he felt that he was in a much better place to handle the responsibility of entering into a relationship with her now.

Luke knew that he should tell Charlotte that before anything else happened between them. He knew that they should clear the air and define what was happening before it happened, however, he found himself willing to give her whatever she wanted. He wanted to make her happy. She deserved it, more than anything, so he nodded despite his better judgement. “We need to talk,” he stressed, his tone gentle as he met her eyes, “but it can wait a minute."

Charlotte breathed a quiet sigh of relief as she melted into Luke’s touch. It felt right, being with him, and it mad her remember why she’d given into temptation weeks earlier. Luke was right for her, regardless of what her anxiety had told her, and, as she looked into his eyes, she could see that he’d come to that same conclusion. She imagined that he’d been afraid, worried that she only wanted him because she was vulnerable, but he’d gotten over his fear and it was time for her to get over hears.

She shifted in his hold, her arms loosening around his waist, and searched his eyes for any hint of regret. When she found none, only a soft adoration, she asked, “Can I kiss you?”

Luke felt as if he was flinging himself off a cliff, free falling into the unknown, as he smiled softly at her. She was still timid, still nervous, and it reminded him that she was very much the twenty-something whose parents he’d once had to ask for permission to take her out of the state. It felt strange to feel so strongly for her, to acknowledge his feelings and embrace them, but he’d come to realize that love is never convenient. It is never what you imagine it will be and always strikes when you least expect it. He wanted her, he wanted them to work more than anything in that moment, so he nodded his permission. “Any time you want, pretty girl.”

Charlotte felt as if her heart was going to beat out of her chest as she moved to wrap her arms around Luke’s neck. She stood on her tiptoes, eager to press her lips to his, and Luke smiled as he leaned down to meet her. The kiss was different than the first they’d shared, less timid and more reassuring. The kiss is comforting, a transfer of the emotions they’d both been feeling over the three weeks they’d been apart, and Charlotte felt her body relax as she focused on the feeling of Luke’s mouth on hers.

Luke’s touch was gentle as he moved his hands from her face to her waist. He gently squeezed her hip, his touch simultaneously a barely there pressure and an all encompassing feeling, before Charlotte stepped closer to him. Luke welcomed her readily, the feeling of her pressed against him overwhelming in the best way possible. He could feel the sparks he’d ignored the first time, correctly identified his feelings for what they were, and it felt freeing to acknowledge his emotions. He did his best to convey those emotions in the kiss, desperate for Charlotte to know exactly how he felt, and he knew that this would be different.

It was as if a magnet brought them together, keeping them pressed to one another as Charlotte’s hands found the buttons on Luke’s shirt and his found the zip of her dress. Neither of them seem to be able to keep their hands to themselves, both eager to feel the other once more, and Charlotte is the first to voice that desire. “We need to talk,” Charlotte breathed against his lips, desperate to catch her breath, “but I need you. Please, Lu.”

Luke knew that they shouldn’t, not until they’d talked, but he couldn’t stop himself from breathing an agreement against her lips, his words muffled by her mouth. He had never felt so desperate, had never wanted someone so badly, and it almost hurt to think about as he brought his lips back to hers. The kiss was passionate, emotional and so heavy that they both knew it’d be seared into their memories forever. It was almost distracting, keeping Luke from being able to drag the zip of her dress down in one fell swoop and making Charlotte stumble with the buttons of his shirt as she focused on the feeling.

Charlotte was overwhelmed at the feeling of Luke surrounding her, at the heaviness of the emotion in the room, but it felt right as she finally nudged the material from his shoulders and stepped out of her dress. She knew that this meant more than the first time they slept together. They’d both come to stunning conclusions with their feelings. Charlotte knew that her crush on Luke was more than that, it was more than a fleeting fancy that made her smile, and Luke had acknowledged the spark he felt whenever Charlotte was near. They both knew that they wanted to give this a shot, that they wanted to give each other a shot, and Charlotte felt somewhat certain that this wouldn’t be the last time they ended up together.

As she pulled away from the kiss, her lungs burning from the lack of oxygen, Luke’s lips found her neck as his hands found her lace covered breasts. His touch was rougher, stronger and more certain, as he palmed her breasts. She could feel his teeth scraping her skin, careful not to leave a mark but enough to send a shiver down her spine, and she moaned at the feeling of him kneading her flesh. Her hands reached for his belt, fingers shaking as she unbuckled it, before she dipped her hand beneath the waistband of his pants to palm his cock through his briefs.

Luke groaned at the feeling, a quiet curse leaving his lips as she eased a fraction of the tension he felt, and felt his teeth nip at her skin just a little too hard. He knew that she’d have a small mark in the morning, something easy to hide, and tried not to dwell on it as she brushed her fingers over the small wet spot staining the front of his briefs. They remained that way for a moment, feeling one another through the confines of their underwear, before Charlotte removed her hand from his pants and glanced up at him from beneath her lashes. Luke, already doomed to give Charlotte whatever she wanted, felt his cock twitch at the pout on her lips and removed his hands from her breasts to step out of his pants and briefs. Charlotte followed suit, the pretty black lace set hitting the floor unceremoniously, before she returned her hand to Luke’s cock.

Luke breathed a quiet groan at her touch, her hand still slightly cool against his heated skin, and watched silently as she slowly stoked. “Can I try something?” she asked, her voice somewhat timid as she watched her hand move over his cock.

“Whatever you want,” Luke nodded, one hand moving to brush the hair from her face as the other returned to her cheek. “I’m yours, pretty girl.”

Charlotte swore she stopped breathing as Luke uttered those words. They were everything she’d wanted to hear for so long. She didn’t know if he was caught up in the moment, unaware of what he was saying, or if he really meant them. However, she didn’t allow herself to dwell on the meaning as she nudged his hands away and leaned in to. Begin pressing kisses to the column of his throat. Luke watched, his hand moving to her hair, as she slowly moved lower and lower. Her lips left a trail of fire in their wake as she pressed kisses down his chest, over his stomach, and came to a stop at his hipbones. She settled on her knees, nipping at the skin and leaving a mark on his pale skin, before she settled in front of him and glanced up at him.

Luke could feel himself hardening from the simplest of touches, from seeing her on her knees before him, and it made him curse the effect she had on him. He hadn’t felt this in decades, hadn’t been so easily turned on in years, and it was almost overwhelming as he watched her lick her lips as she reached out to grip the base of his cock. “You don’t have to, pretty girl,” he breathed, his hand moving to her hair.

“I know,” Charlotte assured him, her eyes wide and earnest, “but I want to.” She kept her eyes on him for a long moment, hoping that he could see her sincerity, before she added, “I’ve wanted to for a while.”

Luke audibly groaned at her words, unable to help himself, before he nodded his consent. “Okay,” he nodded, already feeling lightheaded although she’d barely touched him. The fact that she wanted him in this way, that she was so willing to do this for him, hit him like a punch to the stomach, and it was hard to watch as he mumbled, “Go ahead, then, pretty girl. Take what you want.”

Luke didn’t know how he felt about the effect she had on him but he knew that it left him weak in the knees as he felt one of her hands grip his thigh as she began pressing kisses to his lower stomach. His hands returned to her hair, his fingers tangling in the curly strands as she nipped at his skin. He had never been one to beg, had never been one to plead with a partner to hurry up, but he felt compelled to do so as she passed his cock to continue pressing teasing kisses to this thighs. However, before he could open his mouth to urge her to do something, Charlotte’s lips pressed to the shaft of his cock and he tightened his grip on her hair, barely able to resist the urge to tug as he watched her eyes flutter shut.

“You can pull my hair if you want,” she encouraged him, her voice sending vibrations straight through his shaft and clouding his mind with lust as she glanced up at him from beneath her lashes. “I don’t mind. I actually like it.”

Luke felt as if he would combust, right then and there, as she finally took the head of his cock between her lips. She  maintained sporadic eye contact, occasionally looking him dead in the eye as she gave him what had to be the best blowjob he’d ever gotten, and Luke couldn’t stop himself from moaning her name. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten so worked up over a blowjob, couldn’t actually remember the last proper blowjob he’d gotten, but he knew that none of them compared to Charlotte. The feeling of her tongue on him, her lips wrapped around the head, her hand rolling his balls in her palm; it was all so overwhelming that he didn’t hesitate to tug at her hair and use it as tool to control her pace.

Charlotte groaned at the feeling of Luke taking control. She could feel the sting in her scalp as he tugged at her hair, could feel her gag reflex threatening to kick in as he began to fuck her mouth, and she continued to moan around him. Luke could feel the vibrations and he swore that he could cum right there. He felt like a teenager, so close to cumming even though she’d barely started blowing him, but he knew that he had to pull her away or he wouldn’t last long enough to feel her wrapped around him.

Luke let her remain for a moment longer, savoring the feeling of her mouth, before he pulled her off his cock by her hair and swore at the audible groan that left her lips. “Fuck, pretty girl,” he breathed, his cheeks flushed and chest heaving as he fought to catch his breath. “You’re going to be the death of me, you know that?”

Charlotte smiled at him, so innocent and sweet, and Luke felt his cock twitch at the contrast he’d been able to see in her. It was fascinating, seeing all of the varying sides of her, and Luke found himself enamored with her. He wanted to see every side of her that she’d let him and he couldn’t help himself as he pulled her to her feet. He leaned in to capture her lips in another kiss. Neither of them had imagined that a simple kiss could be so magical, could mean so much, but they quickly found it to be a useful tool for communicating as Luke spilled every ounce of desire he had for her into the embrace.

As Charlotte lost herself in the feeling of Luke’s lips on hers, his hands dropped lower. One hand gripped her hip, his blunt nails digging into her skin, as the other dipped between her legs. Her hands moved to his hair, fingers tangling in the curly strands and tugging at them, as he began to brush at her wetness. He slowly eased a finger into her entrance, barely biting back a groan at how tight she felt around him, and worked for a moment before he slipped a second one into her.

Charlotte groaned at the feeling, a slight sting sending a jolt down her spine, but when Luke began to pull his hand away, Charlotte reached down to keep him in place. “I’m fine,” she breathed, her lips pressed to his, “keep going.” In an effort to distract her, Luke moved his thumb to her clit and brushed steady circles over the bundle of nerves as he stretched her open. The experience was less sensual than the first time, less shaky and more desperate to feel one another, and it blew Charlotte’s mind as she realized how many other sides of Luke she had yet to see. She was eager to see it all, to see every side of Luke that he’d let her, and she wanted nothing more than to feel him inside of her after weeks of repressing her desire. She knew that she should let him continue, however, she couldn’t stop herself as she breathed, “Please, Lu, I just want to feel you. I’m ready, I promise.”

Luke, too desperate to feel her, nodded his agreement and removed his fingers from her heat. He pressed one more kiss to her lips, a soft peck of reassurance, before he moved his hands to her hips and began walking her backward toward the bed. She thought about it for a split second, her mind racing with the possibilities, before she placed a hand on his chest and stopped him from nudging her to lie down on her back. “Can I ride you?” she asked, her voice quiet as she lightly raked her nails down his chest.

“Fuck, pretty girl,”Luke breathed, his voice sounding as fucked as he looked as he pulled away from her reached for his discarded pants, “gonna be the death of me. Yeah, fuck, ‘course you can.”

Charlotte thoroughly enjoyed the little moments where she got to see Luke flustered, she enjoyed them even more when she caused them, and to see him so eager made her grin. She watched, her eyes wide, as he climbed onto the bed and settled against the headboard before he ripped open the foil packet and rolled the condom onto his length. She kicked off her heels, thankful for the feeling of freedom after wearing them for so long, before she climbed onto the bed. Luke held out his hand for her to take the moment she knelt on bed and helped her settle into a comfortable position over his thighs before his hands dropped to her hips. He gave her full control, allowing her to move at her own pace, and she was thankful for that as she gripped the base of his cock with one hand and his shoulder with the other. She aligned the head of his cock with her entrance, desperate to feel him, and held her breath as she began to move.

Luke watched, his own breath caught in his throat, as she sank onto him. They both released strangled moans, both gripping at each other with newfound enthusiasm, as she fully seated herself on his cock and Luke was certain that he’d never felt this overwhelmed by sex. He couldn’t remember a time where anything had felt this good and he reveled in it as she remained still to adjust.

“Fuck,” Luke breathed, his hands moving from her hips to brush at her sides, careful to make her feel a little more comfortable. “You feel so good around me, pretty girl,” he breathed, the adoration he felt for her clear in his voice as he looked at her face. “You’re taking me so well.”

Charlotte groaned at Luke’s words, her mind racing as she adjusted to the feeling of him inside her, and carefully began to move. She ground her hips against him, clenching around him at the feeling, and moaned as he bucked into her without meaning to. “I feel so full,” she whimpered, her voice catching in her throat as she dropped her head to his shoulder after an experimental lift of her hips.

Luke focused his hands on her breasts but kept his eyes on her face as she rode him. Her pace was all over the place, uneven as she clearly wasn’t used to being on top, and Luke made a mental note to try this again in the future as he felt her tighten around him. He could feel the shaking of her thighs, could feel the sting of her nails digging into his shoulder, and he breathed quiet encouragements as she did her best to keep a pace. When he felt her clench around him, he glanced down and groaned at the sight of her fingers rubbing quick circles over her clit. He wanted to feel her cum for him, wanted to feel her fall over the edge once more and hear her moan his name, so he nudged her hand out of the way to continue the stimulation himself as he breathed, “Come on, pretty girl. Want to see you cum for me. Can you do that? Can you cum on my cock?”

Charlotte, unused to hearing such words fall from Luke’s lips, whimpered at his words and buried her face in the crook of his neck as she willed her body to do as he asked. She desperately tried to keep her pace but they both settled for more grinding as Luke whispered words of encouragement into her ear. There were words of praise, whispers of how beautiful she looked, and words of filth, whispers of how good she felt around him and how much he wanted to see her cum. With his voice in her ear  and his hands on her body, Charlotte came quickly and Luke moved his hand from her waist to pull her face away from his neck so that he could watch her fall over the edge.

He had always thought she was beautiful, had always been fond of her smile and her softness, but he couldn’t think of a prettier sight as he watched her cum. Her eyes fluttered shut, her lashes casting soft shadows on her cheekbones as her nose scrunched slightly. Her mouth dropped open, a moan of his name leaving her lips, and Luke couldn’t help but brush his thumb over her bottom lip as he felt her tighten around him. That, combined with the view, pulled him over the edge with her and he came with a moan of her name.

Charlotte remained on his lap for a moment, his hand still cupping her cheek as her chest heaved and her heart pounded. Luke smiled at her, the post coital glow making her look more beautiful than anyone he’d ever seen, before he carefully helped her off his lap. She kept her distance long enough for him to toss the condom into the bedside trashcan. When he settled back into place, she did just as she’d done weeks ago and curled into his side. Luke wrapped his arms tightly around her, desperate to keep her close. They both lapsed into silence for a moment, both attempting to catch their breath, before Luke breaks the silence.

“I lied, you know,” he mumbled, his voice quiet as he played with the ends of Charlotte’s hair. He felt her stiffen in his embrace, a slight panic overtaking her, and he squeezed her gently as he continued speaking. “About last time being the first time I’d seen you in pajamas,” he clarified quickly. Charlotte relaxed in his hold as his fingers brushed along her heated skin, callouses from years of playing guitar evident as he brushed them over her sides.  “The first time I saw you in pajamas was the night before we left for the new year’s trip. You hadn’t been able to sleep and you’d been wandering around, looking at pictures. I told you about the ones you seemed interested in before I invited you into my office.”

“You let me borrow some of your books,” Charlotte mumbled, her voice quiet as she allowed her own fingers to trace the expanse of Luke’s chest. “I fell asleep in one of the chairs and you were going to carry me to Dylan’s room but you tripped over a box and woke me up,” she reminded him with a laugh as she glanced up at him. “I remember.”

Luke smiled at her, his expression soft as he moved one of his hands to her cheek. “I didn’t,” he informed her quietly as his thumb brushed her cheekbone. “I pushed it out of my mind because that was the night that I realized I didn’t just see you as one of Dylan’s friends and that thought scared the hell out of me. You were barely twenty and a sophomore in college. I wasn’t supposed to feel anything like that for you.”

Charlotte studied him for a moment, her eyes searching his for any hint of deceit. When she found none, she sighed softly and asked, “Is that why you left? You were afraid that you felt something for me?”

“Yes,” Luke nodded, his tone clearly expressing his shame as he met her gaze.”If I had stayed, if we had talked about it, it would have made things real. I didn’t know if that was what I wanted but it wasn’t fair of me to be so selfish. I knew how bad it would hurt you,” he admitted, his fingers moving softly as he brushed the dark circle beneath her eye. “I’m sorry, Charlotte. I shouldn’t have left.”

“Why didn’t you reach out?” Charlotte asked, her voice quiet as her fingers stilled on Luke’s skin.

Luke worried that Charlotte would think less of him, that she would hate him for being a coward, but he realized that all she wanted from him was an explanation. She wanted to understand, to know where they stood, and Luke knew that she deserved that. He didn’t want to keep anything from her, not anymore, so he told her the truth. “I know the text was a lousy way of trying,” Luke sighed, his fingers still brushing her skin absentmindedly, “but I didn’t know how. I haven’t done anything like this in a long time, Charlotte. I haven’t had a real relationship since my twenties and-“

Before Luke could finish his statement, Charlotte frowned at him and asked, “Wait, what text?” However, before Luke could answer, Charlotte groaned and clenched her eyes shut. “You texted me. I’m sorry for not answering. My niece chucked my phone into a pool and I got a new one, complete with a new number.”

Luke breathed a sigh of relief, happy that Charlotte hadn’t just been ignoring him, and made a mental note to get her new number before they went their separate ways. He was glad that one of his worries had been quelled, however, after his afternoon discussion with Dylan, he had another worry to address.”Is that why you didn’t speak to Dylan for three weeks?” he asked, his tone gentle and not at all accusatory as he met Charlotte’s gaze once more.

He noticed that she looked embarrassed, her ears pink as she flinched away from his look. She knew that Dylan would tell him, she told him almost everything, but she didn’t think he’d realize it had been because of them. However, she knew that they needed to be honest with one another. If they were going to attempt to make whatever they had work, honesty was necessary. So, Charlotte shrugged.

“It was part of the reason,” Charlotte admitted, her voice quiet as she distracted herself with tracing shapes over Luke’s skin. “I didn’t replace it until last week but I waited so long because I just didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to think about us or about what you leaving meant. I didn’t want to think about what it would mean for me and Dylan.” Charlotte paused for a moment, attempting to select her words carefully, before she continued speaking. “It was hard looking at Dylan today. I felt so guilty every time she raved about how good a friend I am or how much she loves me. I feel so bad keeping something like this from her but I know it would hurt her to find out. And, I mean, I didn’t want to tell her anything before I talked to you because what was that, you know? Was it a hookup, was it a mistake, was it the beginning of a relationship? I couldn’t have told her because I didn’t know.”

Luke sighed as he listened to Charlotte spill her thoughts. He had been afraid that this would happen, worried that she would feel this way, and its as the last thing he wanted. He wanted Charlotte to be happy, to be carefree and enjoy her youth, but a selfish part of him wanted to be one of the things that she enjoyed. He wanted this to mean the beginning of a relationship but he knew that they couldn’t tell Dylan, not yet. He had felt guilty at first, too, unable to look his daughter in the eye, but he knew that with time, they would figure out the best plan to tell her.

He and Charlotte just needed to solidify what they were before they did.

“I want this to mean something,” Luke told Charlotte, his voice matching hers in tone as he encouraged her to look at him again. “I want this to be the beginning of a relationship. I know that things will be hard, for both of us, but we’ll be in this together. I felt guilty at first, too, but Dylan would want us to be happy.” Luke hesitated for a moment, his mind racing, before he confirmed, “I want to give this a shot if you’re interested. We can take it slow, figure things out as we go along, but I really would like for us to try.”

“Do you really think Dylan could be okay with us being together?” Charlotte asked, her voice quiet as she kept her eyes on Luke’s. “Do you really think she’d understand if we dated and fell in love?”

Luke wasn’t sure. Dylan had never been overly invested in his personal life. She had never cared one way or another who he dated but she had expressed her hope that he would find love someday. Luke knew that Dylan hadn’t imagined it would be with her best friend, someone only a few months older than her, however,  Luke liked to think that Dylan would be able to live with it. So, he nodded. “I think she would,” he confirmed, his voice quiet as he smiled softly at Charlotte. “I think it would take time for her to understand,” Luke pointed out, “but I think she would be able to understand.”

Charlotte, still uncertain, nodded slowly as she fell into her own head again. She felt better, able to breathe comfortably for the first time in weeks, however, she still felt a nagging feeling of anxiety in the pit of her stomach. She hoped that Luke was right, that Dylan would understand, but she was worried about the fall out if she didn’t. Charlotte didn’t want lose her best friend and she didn’t want to come in between Luke and Dylan’s relationship. However, she felt over the moon that Luke was interested in her in the way that she was interested in him. He wanted her, really and truly, and it made her heart race as she thought about their future together.

Luke watched, his eyes soft, as Charlotte fell into her thoughts. She bit her bottom lip, already swollen from the kisses they’d shared, and stared ahead without really seeing. He let her be for a moment, simply watching, before he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her neck. “What’re you thinking about, pretty girl? What’s on your mind?”

“I’m really happy to be back in your arms,” Charlotte admitted, her voice a whisper as she stared at the gleaming silver chain around Luke’s neck. She reached out, her fingers gentle as she toyed with it, before she continued, “but I’ve been so all over the place for the last few weeks that, honestly, I’m not really sure what I’m thinking anymore. I tried so hard not to feel anything because feeling everything was so overwhelming. I’m just tired now, I think.”

Luke gave Charlotte a moment to breathe, allowed her a moment to gather her thoughts, and rubbed her sides soothingly as she continued speaking. “I feel elated that you want me. I’m so glad that you want this to be something other than a one night stand but there’s also those nerves in the back of my mind that this is just some sort of midlife crisis, you know? Or that this is for fun. I don’t know if I could handle being a joke, this not being real, and it helps to know that you feel something for me but it’s really hard to turn off those negative thoughts. I just want us to be together and to be happy. But, you’re right. It’s going to be hard. Being together is going to be really difficult but I don’t care because I want you. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone and I’m willing to do what I have to.”

Luke knew that Charlotte had more to say but he couldn’t help himself as he cupped her cheek and turned her head to face him. He searched her eyes for a moment, the hazel clouded with emotion as she let herself be vulnerable, and he shook his head. “This isn’t a game to me,” he assured her, his voice strong and steady as he kept his eyes on hers. “I’m not having a midlife crisis. This is just as overwhelming for me as it is for you. I haven’t loved anyone romantically in a very long time. You’re so young. You could do so much better, pretty girl. You have the rest of your life ahead of you while my best years are behind me. I’ve thought about this, about us, but every time I did, I told myself that it was wrong and that I shouldn’t want you. I’ve seen you grow from timid eighteen year old to a strong, independent, adult and I’m so proud of you.”

Luke paused for a moment, his heart racing in his chest as he stared at her. “The more I got to know you, the more time I spent with you, the harder it became for me to ignore what I felt for you. I tried to repress it and I should’ve dealt with these feelings before we slept together. I’m sorry that I made you doubt yourself so much, Charlotte. You deserve the best. I want this to be more than sex,” Luke assured her, swallowing thickly as he watched her eyes light. “I’m sorry that I made you doubt yourself. All I want is to make you happy.”

Luke frowned as tears lined Charlotte’s lashes, however, before he had the chance to reach out and brush them away, Charlotte shook her head. “Good tears,” she informed him, a small smile on her lips. “I’m really relieved to hear you say all that. I’m just still so worried about D.”

“I know,” Luke nodded, a heavy sigh leaving his lips as he leaned back against the headboard and pulled Charlotte into his side. “We can do our best to make this work. We know that it’ll be hard. Dylan is my baby. I love her more than anything and I know that this won’t be easy for her. But I know that it won’t be easy on you, either,” Luke sighed as he glanced over at her. “We’re going to have to learn how to make this work and it’s going to take a lot of effort.”

Charlotte remained silent for a moment as she let Luke’s words sink in. She knew that it would be hard, but she wanted this. She wanted him. “I’m terrified,” Charlotte breathed, her voice breaking as she curled into Luke’s side and reached for the duvet to pull it higher. “I’m afraid of what will happen when she finds out. But I want to explore what we are without anyone knowing for a bit. Just to make sure there’s something really there,” she confided, her heart racing in her chest as she spoke her truest thoughts aloud. “But the thought of losing Dylan makes me so nauseous. She’s helped me through some of the hardest moments of my life. She’s my constant, my confidant, my person. I love her so much and I don’t want to lose her.”

Luke felt his heart simultaneously swell and crack as he listened to Charlotte speak.  He understood that keeping Dylan likely meant losing their relationship before it even began. However, he also understood that keeping your relationship likely meant both of you losing Dylan and that was the worst kind of heartbreak he could imagine. He didn’t want Charlotte to have to choose. He didn’t want to have to choose himself. Dylan was his little girl, yes, but Charlotte was his chance at finding love. He had longed for someone like her for decades and now that he had her, he didn’t want to give it up.

And when she whispered, “I don’t want to lose either of you. You both mean too much to me for me to let you go,” Luke decided that there had to be a third option. There had to be a way for them both to remain in one another’s lives while simultaneously keeping Dylan. There had to be a way for them to all live happily, and Luke was determined to find it. 

As Charlotte began to drift into an uneasy sleep, her eyes heavy and her breathing slowing, Luke decided that he was going to do whatever it took to make sure that neither he nor Charlotte had to choose. He wanted her, he wanted to explore their relationship and make one another happy, and he wanted to keep his daughter in both of their lives. He knew that it was going to be hard but when had love ever been easy.

____________________________________________________________

Author’s Note: Guess who’s back, back again. BFDLu and Lottie are back, tell a friend. Seriously. Tell your friends. Reblog this. Read this. I love them, please don’t let this fic flop, thanks. My eyes hurt, I’m going to go eat something because I started writing at noon and haven’t stopped in eight hours. BYE.

[hongism]

finding beauty in your darkest places - chapter 8

Pairing: TBA (i have no clue at the moment, ot7 for now)

Genre: Psychiatric Clinic!au, Heavy Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 6094

Warnings: strong language; deals with mental and emotional illnesses and disorders as a heavy theme of the story, future graphic depictions of disorders - please do not read if this makes you uncomfortable

Chapter specific warnings: discussions of character death, graphic depictions of anxiety attacks, discussion of suicidal thoughts and actions

Rating: PG-13/Mature

Summary: Everyone has their issues, and everyone deals with them differently. Jungkook thinks that avoiding his problems is the best option out there.

aka

Jeon Jungkook is the newest patient at the Omelas Specialized Psychiatric Clinic, and he just wants to get in and out as quickly as possible so that he can go back to university and be with his friends again. Of course, that doesn't work out according to his plan.

a/n: hello hello this is somewhat of a surprise chapter because i didn’t have this on the schedule or planned in my mind really. However, i find it easiest to write my feelings and since i’ve been feeling down recently, this chapter was easier to write and i felt more inspired to work on it. It’s also been quite some time since i posted, and for that i am hugely and immensely sorry. time slipped away from me and i put this story on the backburners of my mind for too long.

Also, this chapter contains a small surprise for my boo @maptoyoongi​ bc Mari has been so helpful and kind and lovely about helping me with this story and supporting me big time when it comes to this story. I never feel as though it’s enough to just say thank you and i wanted a way to thank you in a special way ;-; even now, i don’t feel as though this is enough to say thank you <3

(it’s been so long that this is the first time i’m actually using the tag list omg)

tag list: @succulentjinkook​ @mxrzan​

7 | 8 | 9

Finding Beauty in Your Darkest Places

Chapter 8: Black Waters

It's cold. The edges of autumn have seeped their way into the clinic, bringing brown and red leaves to the trees around the basketball court, and the season is windier than usual. A gust of wind passes over Jungkook's body. He doesn't brace himself against the breeze despite being in a typical short sleeved white shirt. Rather he remains where he is, sprawled out in the middle of the basketball court and staring up at the clouded sky with an equally clouded mind.

Cold.

Everything is cold. His fingers are never warm anymore, the cold seeping to his palms on occasion. Part of Jungkook knows that he should be worried. It's a concern, maybe a serious health concern in fact, and yet...nothing.

Cold.

Jungkook would rather be cold.

"For the longest time, I only saw that reflection when I looked in the mirror. It took a long time to separate Kim Namjoon from the disorders the doctors labelled me with. What do you see in the mirror, Jungkook? Do you know who you are or do you just take the labels doctors give you? Are you “Jeon Jungkook, Panic Disorder” or someone else?"

Who is he? According to the voices scampering through his head without rest, he's a number of things. Loser, asshole, trash, garbage, piece of shit, dirty, crazy, a disappointment. A liar. Jeon Jungkook is a dirty fucking liar, and he knows that to be the truth.

The worst thing he could do is dwell on the past. Think about all the ways in which he wronged Taehyung, you, Namjoon, Yoongi, Hyewon, maybe every patient in the clinic. His brother...mom...father. Jungkook's head begins to tingle, a faint sensation starting in the back of his skull and quickly travelling to the space between his eyes.

“It’s far better to know people for their heart and not their mind. A person’s mind can be fucked up and distorted. But the kind of person they are, what they do for others, how they treat others — that all tells you much more. We are all souls with a house of flesh and bones, wrestling with a mind that is not our own. For some people it gets to be too much. They just want out of the cage they feel trapped in, and society is the one keeping them there. They don’t see their body as anything good, it’s only a trapped feeling, and sometimes they try to get out. They try to get rid of a certain part of themselves, kill the mind that isn’t completely theirs.”

Namjoon's words stay with Jungkook and cling to the loose bits of his brain only to eat away like a parasite. Kill the mind that isn't completely theirs. In the first few days after that conversation with Namjoon, Jungkook wanted nothing more than to do just that. It would have been so easy, so quick and painless, he could've just done it. Should have. And yet, he lives to see the clouded sky another day, back cold from the pressure of the concrete under him, and surprisingly at peace with being alive.

Nevermind the nagging voices in his mind telling him he's a coward who can't kill himself properly. Jungkook is content.

His birthday came and went without any celebration, which is exactly what he had wanted. None of his family came to visit before or after the day of his birthday, and when each Sunday ended without their presence, Jungkook found that he was not upset in the slightest.

At peace.

Such a strange concept.

When has Jungkook ever felt at peace with anything in his life? Where did this sensation come from? Namjoon's understanding and endless wise words provided relief, yes, but Jungkook wouldn't go so far as to say that they put his fears and anxieties to rest. They haven't gone anywhere. They're just...quiet, but not in a relaxing or easing sense. Jungkook flips between being content and on edge throughout the day constantly. Because it feels like they're waiting. Waiting for something, the drop of a pin, the perfect trigger, the slightest misstep.

On edge may be an understatement.

Dr. Martin requested that Jungkook begin to attend group therapy sessions at his last meeting with the doctor. The idea, in and of itself, sounds like a cruel form of torture for a person like Jungkook -- one still wrestling with the weight of what's wrong with him, the issues swirling through his body and mind.

It will be beneficial, the doctor had said.

Jungkook mentally called bullshit. How could it be? A sit down chat with other patients where he has to talk about himself and his struggles? Fuck that. Jungkook would rather have a fork stuck through the back of his hand. Besides, another huge concern that looms in the back of Jungkook's mind is that Taehyung may be at one of these sessions.

The two are still doing a fantastic job of avoiding each other, and considering they are roommates, Jungkook is impressed they've been able to keep it up this long as it is. But he can't run away when trapped in a room for a group therapy session. He has to sit there and take it, facing the person whose trust he broke, whose relationship he ruined, and whose condition has regressed dramatically in the past few days.

All my fault. My fault. I did that. It was me.

Jungkook's eyes flutter shut, blocking the sky from his view and letting the blackness behind his eyelids sweep over him.

"We need to talk."

Jimin had caught Jungkook by the arm after breakfast two days ago and uttered those four words, eyes narrowed and expression grim. For a moment, Jungkook had thought that he did something wrong or something to upset Jimin. Of course he did, he single-handedly destroyed Taehyung, but Jimin was not angry. His expression softened a moment later, and he had said that he wants to help fix things.

Again, Jungkook mentally called bullshit.

"Fix things". A load of bullshit by itself, but also something that Namjoon said was unnecessary. Fix what? The countless problems Jungkook has caused since arriving in the clinic? Or fix Taehyung himself?

Jimin never approached Jungkook after that, however, which left Jungkook to wonder when the older man is going to approach him, if he does at all. He certainly isn't going to be the one who makes an effort to bring the topic up with Jimin.

Jungkook sits up on the pavement, eyes snapping open again, and he blinks at the intrusion of light through the clouds above. With a quick glance at his watch, Jungkook scrambles to his feet and rushes for the door. His group therapy session starts in two minutes, and the room is on the other side of the clinic. Moving quickly, Jungkook manages to sprint over to where Dr. Martin's office lies, coincidentally across from the room where group therapy sessions are held. The door lies cracked open, and through the small space, Jungkook can see multiple forms already seating inside. No voices arise from the room, however, so Jungkook can at least rest in the knowledge that he isn't late.

That peace of mind dissipates the moment he steps through the door. There Taehyung sits, directly across from the door in a rickety plastic chair. He stares forward and locks eyes with Jungkook as soon as the door moves. Both men freeze, stare at each other with eyes growing wider with each passing second. Panic.

Jungkook's brain is firing warning signals everywhere, the cold in his fingertips grows to a dull ache, and he curls his fingers into his palm under the skin almost breaks. Panic.

Taehyung's face relaxes into a deadpan expression, wide eyes returning to a hooded gaze. Jungkook glances at the people on either side of him, Hyewon on one side with her platinum blonde hair that blends in too much with the white of the clinic around her, and Eunbi on his other side. Both girls wear similar expressions, but when Hyewon makes eye contact with Jungkook, she beams brightly at him. Jungkook offers his own weak smile in response but it doesn't linger. Rather, he steps around the circle of chairs and moves to the seat across from the girl, one beside Seokjin, who seems about as happy to be here as Jungkook is.

"Hi, Seokjin."

Jungkook's greeting is met with a small grunt rather than words, which catches the younger off-guard. Seokjin never fails to be bright and cheerful, chatty even when no one else seems to be in the mood to talk. The Seokjin before Jungkook now is not the one he knows, not in the slightest, and that realization itself sends a chill down the back of his neck.

"Good afternoon everyone!"

A bright and warm voice intrudes on the silence of the room. Jungkook glances up, eyes finding the door again and spotting a young woman dressed in a set of pale blue scrubs. Her smile is too bright, a foreign expression from a nurse at the clinic, and Jungkook almost hazards a guess that she's faking it. However as she steps further into the room, her grin remains. She wastes no time in coming to sit at the last available chair one seat over from Jungkook.

"I'm seeing a few new faces today. First of all, I'm so happy to see that and welcome. I hope that we are able to help you all and this session offers you some peace from the harshness of what's inside your head. Secondly, I'll introduce myself for those of you who may not know me. My name is Dr. Mari, I take care of the group therapy sessions here at the clinic. Would you please each introduce yourselves so that everyone can know each other's names? Oh, also share one interesting fact about yourself! A simple icebreaker to help keep the tension at bay." Dr. Mari motions to the girl sitting on her right, asking her to start wordlessly.

"I'm Hanuel and um, I-I like dogs?" The girl shrugs a bit after her introduction. Seeing her fidget in her seat, eyes wavering and not meeting anyone else's in the room, and the sheer expression of panic across her face as she introduces herself sends Jungkook's mind into a panic of its own. He grips the fabric of his sweatpants tight between his fingers, knuckles white from the force of his grip, and the rapidly accelerating drumming of his heartbeat in his ears begins to resound. His mind shuts down in that moment, blocking out sensory functioning and clouding all his judgement with the constant rhythm of panic in his body.

Before he can stop it, the anxiety attack washes over him like a tsunami. Cold, even colder than before, yet hot at the same time. His throat is burn, skin scalding around his neck, and he's almost certain that his face looks much like a tomato at this point. Jungkook knows what comes next. The distortion, the confusion, pain -- oh so much pain.

Idiot. Dumb fucking idiot. Why did you think it was a good idea to come here? You think you're normal compared to these people? No, look at you. Look at you barely functioning. Dumb fucking idiot. Worthless, I told you you were worthless.

Can't fucking kill yourself properly?

At least do it like you mean it, you worthless disappointment.

Jungkook sinks. The water plunges over him, filling his lungs and throat with black water that freezes his insides. He's thrashing, fighting to get out, but to no avail.

Jungkook has been here before. This is familiar. A hand closes around his throat, and he can no longer breathe. It's familiar.

Something wakes him up from the reverie, well someone to be more specific. A hand comes down on his thigh, and Jungkook jerks his whole body, finding the culprit staring at him with wide eyes. It's Seokjin. The fingers that close around his thigh simultaneously pull him from the depths of the black water in his mind. He nods twice. Jungkook takes the hint and glances around the room, seeing waiting expressions.

"Oh, uh, I'm Jeon Jungkook...the--the newest patient here."

Dr. Mari offers a soft smile, her eyes twinkling as she does. "We're so happy to have you here, Mr. Jeon. Thank you for coming." Jungkook nods a few times in response. He fights to gain control over his breathing again as the girl on his right introduces herself. Seokjin's grip gradually lessens until Jungkook doesn't feel the pressure of his touch any longer, and when he glances down to where the man's hand had just been, he swears the skin tingles with lingering warmth.

"We will open the discussion today as usual. Remember anyone can jump in and talk, there doesn't need to be any specific order, and you don't have to speak if you don't feel comfortable doing so. Hopefully it's helpful to some extent and encouraging to hear others open up in front of you. Now, how are each of feeling today?"

Silence meets Dr. Mari's question. A moment passes when each patient glances around the circle as though pleading another to speak up and make some sort of conversation, but no one does. Dr. Mari remains quiet and patient though, eyes soft as she glances over the patients before her.

"W-Well..." It's Eunbi who starts up the discussion, her voice quiet and hesitant. She doesn't continue her train of thought, at which point, Dr. Mari nods at her.

"Go ahead, dear."

"Well, I've been feeling down and distracted recently. Um, Miyeon might be leaving soon. I-I'm really happy that she is getting better and could leave shortly, but...and I know it's a selfish thought, but I don't want to see her leave. She's my best friend, and she's always been here for me. I don't know what it'll be like to not have her here. She--she helps keep everything in check, keeps all the pieces glued together, so I'm scared. I'm sc-scared about what might happen if she leaves." Dr. Mari hums as Eunbi finishes speaking.

"Does anyone have any advice or words for Eunbi?"

Taehyung doesn't hesitate. He leans forward, quick to offer some sort of reassurance with his words. "Jimin and I will always be here for you. Even if she does leave, we'll still be here." Eunbi smiles at Taehyung, not saying another word and instead shifting her gaze to the floor. Silence creeps into the circle once more. Dr. Mari waits a few moments before cutting the quiet with words of her own.

"Seokjin, you're being awfully quiet today. Is anything in particular on your mind?" Jungkook follows the doctor's gaze to Seokjin.

"No, it's just that I was up late last night talking with my roommate," he explains. "We were having a chat and it ended up being a lot longer than anticipated, so I went to bed very late."

"I understand, that's alright. Why don't you each tell me about one thing that made you happy this week? Seokjin, we'll start with you if you don't mind."

"That's perfectly fine. Um, I spent a lot of time in the library with Namjoon this week. I was able to make it through almost half of a book without getting detached. I remembered most of the content too, so I was happy to finally able to talk through things with Namjoon after reading the book. I haven't been able to do that in a long time."

Eunbi picks up after Seokjin, talking about something related to Miyeon, but Jungkook doesn't pay the words much attention. Dr. Mari's question lingers in his mind. What made you happy? Jungkook doesn't need to think for long because his answer is nothing. If there was anything that made him happy, it's been blocked out and erased by the bad memories. Nothing. It sounds too depressing in Jungkook's mind, and he's sure that if he were to admit that out loud, Dr. Mari would talk to the doctors about his condition. Maybe he'd get new pills, new therapy, more appointments, more and more pointless diagnoses that aren't entirely accurate simply because it's what works best for the system.

"And you, Jungkook?" Dr. Mari cuts through his thoughts.

Maybe it's best that way. Take more and more pills until you're a husk of a human being. Then they won't ask if you're happy.

"Nothing good happened to me this week," Jungkook says without looking up at the doctor. He expects to hear her sigh and click her tongue against the roof of her mouth as a show of disappointment. Neither sound comes.

"Did anything at all make you happy?" She inquires instead.

"No." Jungkook dares to glance up, finding Taehyung's eyes across the room, and the other man wears an expression of sadness for a moment.

"I understand," Dr. Mari says in a quiet voice. Her tone remains level and soft as she consoles him. "It can be tough to have a week like that. But know that things will get better. Whether it happens today, tomorrow, in three weeks or three years -- this will pass, and you will be better and stronger because of it. We're here to help along the way and support you when you don't feel like you can do it by yourself any longer. Now, I would like for you all to share one thing that made you upset this week. Jungkook, would it be alright if you started? You seem to have a lot on your mind, so I'd like to talk through that some if you don't mind." Jungkook's eyes flit over to the doctor. He expects to see the cold and retrained expression that always covers Dr. Martin's face, or the slight look of disdain from some of the nurses, but he sees neither. Rather, Dr. Mari blinks back at him with brows furrowed, gaze soft, and expression reading pure concern. Something about her expression eases Jungkook's mind.

"I'm not sure where to start."

"That's alright, you can just say whatever comes to mind first if you'd rather."

"I...I had a falling out with someone." Jungkook shifts in his seat, daring to look in Taehyung's direction. They meet eyes for a second, then Taehyung ducks his head and refuses to look at him any longer.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Jungkook debates it, considers telling the truth and being honest for once. Just once, he really wants to be honest. He wants to get it off his chest, be open, but to do it in front of these people? People he doesn't know well, some people he doesn't care to know and vice versa, people who could use this against him. Yet Dr. Mari's expression of interest and concern compels him to speak.

"We had a disagreement, and I didn't consider how my actions would affect him mentally or emotionally. I...it's selfish, but I don't want to be responsible for harming him or the relationships he has with others."

"Do you feel bitter at all? Towards that person?" Jungkook jerks his head to find the source of the question. Taehyung's eyes are on him once more, eyes wide, and teeth gnawing his lower lip now that he's put the question out in the air.

"No, not at all," Jungkook admits. Taehyung dips his head. "I just--well, I feel guilty, I guess, for hurting the other person. I wish I could explain that to him but it seems like he's avoiding me. I want a chance to ask for forgiveness, but I don't feel like I deserve it."

"Why would you think you don't deserve a chance for forgiveness?" Dr. Mari asks.

"It feels a bit like I've hurt him too much to be forgiven."

"Maybe...maybe the other person overreacted some because he didn't know how to handle the information," Taehyung speaks up again. "And maybe he isn't upset with you, but he said some hurtful things that shouldn't have been said."

"Taehyung is right. Communication is key, especially when it comes to disagreements. I encourage you to talk with the person again and maybe explaining the situation a bit more will help. That may also help you have better days and find more happiness in things." Jungkook nods along with Dr. Mari's words. "Thank you for sharing, Jungkook. Would anyone else like to share?"

"Um, I-I would," Taehyung pipes up again. He fidgets in his seat before speaking again, a small sniffle accompanying his movements. "I, uh, I called my mom earlier in the week. She said...she said my grandmother passed away. I-I don't know why, but she helped raise me and has always been there for me no matter what. I wish--I wish that I could have been there for her before this happened. It doesn't feel fair."

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Taehyung. I understand how much she meant to you and how it must be very hard for you to handle while being at the clinic. It must be very hard for everyone here. It's hard to feel as though there is no way out, no way to see family and friends, and live your own life. Everything you do is under watch, someone is there with you, you're required to follow all these regulations and rules. While, yes, they are meant to help your betterment and assure safety, it must feel very suffocating at times. However, each of you has come to this place together, all suffering and struggling with similar things, and you are with each other at the same time for a reason. You should be a beacon of hope and a light at the end of the tunnel for each other. When something bad happens, rather than stepping away from each other, you should step towards one another. Be there for each other and treat this place as a new home. While it may be a temporary one, it is an important one. This is a place where you can have a new family, not a replacement per se, but a family full of people who know what you go through each and every day and understand how you feel.

"I understand each of you may have qualms with each other or with the staff here at the clinic. It can be hard to feel surrounded by people who seem not to care about you or want you to get better, but I assure you there are people who want to help here. Whether it be a doctor or a nurse or a patient, people want to see you be better and stronger, to return to your life outside the clinic.

"Everyone is at the clinic for a reason. Obviously you each know that, the patients are here for their specific reasons. The reason I came to the clinic, however, is because I wanted to make a difference and be a person who could help in some way. When I was your age, I didn't have anyone to rely on or go to when I struggled. For many years, I struggled alone, and it was the most terrifying experience of my life. I'm here to make sure that each of you don't have to feel that way, to give you an option, a choice to not be alone. I love seeing progress in each of you, and growth, but I adore seeing you grow and rely on each other to get better. Medication can only do so much. There has to be a change in the heart and in the mind in order to overcome your struggles. That is what I want to see as a doctor here. I want to see patients come together and help each other because we doctors and the nurses lack in many areas. You can do so much more for each other since you understand each other. Now, I will leave you all with that thought for the day. Thank you for coming, thank you to our newcomers, and you're free to leave now."

Jungkook moves to get up, but a hand clamps down on his leg, keeping him planted to the seat. He looks to the man on his left in confusion. Seokjin doesn't say a word, nor does he even spare Jungkook a glance, and he keeps staring forward at the floor in silence. Dr. Mari is the first to stand, followed by a few of the female patients, while Taehyung lingers in his seat as well. A few moments later, the room is empty except for Taehyung, Seokjin, and Jungkook. There doesn't seem to be any reasoning behind why they're lingering, and Jungkook can only blink between the other two in wonder. Taehyung won't take his eyes off Jungkook, lips slightly parted as though he's about to say something. Words never come.

A minute passes, then two, then three in silence. There's an itch under Jungkook's skin now, the anxiety crawling its way back into his system. Then, a creaking noise rises, and Taehyung stands up. He heads for the door without saying or doing anything, leaving Jungkook to wonder what the hell just happened. Once Taehyung is out of sight, Seokjin releases a deep breath.

"Did something happen between you and Taehyung?" He asks.

"No." The answer comes a bit too quickly, perhaps the lie is too transparent, and Seokjin can see straight through him. "Nothing happened. Everything's fine." Jungkook ought to stop talking, he's only digging the hole deeper at this point. He won't be able to drawl out of it once Seokjin catches on that it's a lie, but luckily enough, Seokjin makes a noise of approval.

"Sorry for bothering you. I just--it seemed--I most likely misread things. I make too many assumptions anyways, according to Yoongi at least."

"Ah, no! Don't worry, it's fine." Jungkook rushes to reassure the older man, and Seokjin smiles back in gratitude as he does. "Would it...be alright if I asked you a few questions actually?"

"Oh, me? That's fine. Ask away!" Seokjin grins at Jungkook, the lines around his mouth and nose scrunching up with the gesture.

"How long have you been at the clinic?"

"Hm, I think it's been about a year for me now. Might seem strange, since Namjoon, Yoongi, and Y/N have been here for a lot longer."

"How did you start talking with them then? Or become friends, I mean." Seokjin leans back in his chair, squinting at the ceiling.

"Well, Y/N was the person who showed me around the ward at the time. Back then, she was a lot less bright and happy." Jungkook does at double-take at the words.

"She doesn't seem bright or happy at all now," he scoffs.

"It used to be a lot worse. I have no clue why, but she was absolutely hellish back then. Even so, I found her interesting and I was grateful that she showed me around, so I kinda just pushed myself into her life. After I found out that Yoongi was my roommate, I thought it was sort of meant to be? That sounds odd and cliche, but that's the reason why I spent all my time with the two of them. Namjoon was obviously there as well, though at the time he didn't spend all of his time with us as he does now. Thinking back, it was hard dealing with both Yoongi and Y/N since they were both so hellish then, but Namjoon was good at placating it. Y/N and Yoongi would argue all the time, back and forth with no end whatsoever. Namjoon would just say "stop" and they would shut up. I don't understand it, even now that it's a lot better and way different than it used to be."

"What do you mean?"

"They care about each other -- Y/N and Yoongi that is -- but it's always seemed as though they have a really twisted way of showing it. I don't approve of it, but I'm not the person to tell them otherwise. It's not my place, first of all. Secondly, I can't do anything about it even if I wanted to. The only person who could have an actual impact would be Namjoon, although anytime I mention it to him, he shuts me down and refuses to talk about it." Seokjin's admission triggers something in Jungkook's mind, and he's taken back all the sudden to one of his previous conversations with Namjoon.

“Quit asking, Jungkook.”

“I’m so-sorry, I was just c—”

“I don’t want to talk about them so you shouldn’t bother.”

“Talk about Yoongi and Y/N?”

“Drop it now before I have to say it again.”

Now that he knows it's been a recurring pattern with Seokjin, Jungkook can't help but wonder what the cause is. Did something happen there for him to be so against talking about it?

"Eh, now that I think about it, I guess Y/N wasn't the absolute worst she could've been. When I first arrived, she really tried her best to help me and look after me in a way, even though I'm older than her. Over time though, she started helping me less and less. I think it's partly because I insisted that I was just fine helping myself. Maybe that's why she was cold to me for so long. Part of me feels guilty about having her help me, somewhat due to the fact that I'm older than here, but also because there isn't really anything wrong with me."

Jungkook blinks at Seokjin. ...isn't really anything wrong with him? But if that's true...why would he be here?

"I'm not sick or anything like that, so she didn't need to help me."

...Not sick?

"We argued about that at one point. I don't remember the exact content of the argument, but Namjoon took my side and of course Yoongi took hers. Things were tense for a little while after that but we cleared things up and talked through it. Turned out better in the end because now we're fine, and she knows that she doesn't have to help me anymore."

"Makes sense," Jungkook mumbles, more focused on the fact that Seokjin claimed to not be sick.

"Of course, she still tries from time to time," Seokjin continues as though Jungkook didn't say anything. "But it isn't as frequent as when she tries to help others like she does with Hoseok or Taehyung or even you."

"What?" Jungkook blanches at the mention of him. "She doesn't do that for me. She doesn't do anything like that at all, especially not compared to what she does for Taehyung or Hoseok."

"Oh, you can't see it?" Seokjin's eyebrows raise, and he swipes his tongue across his lower lip. "I know that she's trying her best to help, but it may not be obvious because of the kind of person she can be. She truly does care though, no matter what you might think. It's just--she, well, she has a tendency to believe that she can help others while keeping them at arm's length, even though that's almost impossible. Maybe that's what caused us to fight in the first place: we don't see eye  to eye on a lot of things. At the end of the day, we respect each other. That's the most important thing: mutual respect and care. As Dr. Mari said, being there for each other is valuable and I wouldn't want any sort of petty argument to get in the way of that."

"I suppose so. Well, no, that's right. That's 100% correct. Just...difficult, I guess."

"So can we talk about what's going on between you and Taehyung now?"

"Huh? W-What? Nothing happened, I don't--I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bullshit." Seokjin releases a small laugh. "Whatever happened between the two of you is somehow affecting Taehyung's relationship with Y/N." Jungkook's heart plummets. He noticed? How did he notice? Did other people notice too? "Listen, Jungkook. Taehyung is one of the most important things in Y/N's life, the other thing being Hoseok. She doesn't feel as though she has any purpose or value outside of that."

"I...I know that, but there isn't--there isn't anything I can do." Seokjin grabs hold of his forearm, pinching the skin with his rough grasp.

"I was up late talking with Yoongi last night, and we were talking about Y/N. She came to visit Yoongi while I was gone yesterday. I was helping clean up and take care of dishes after dinner so Yoongi was alone. I--they--" Seokjin cuts himself off before he can say any more. "Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this. No, I'm sure it's fine. It's fine, I don't have to tell him everything." Jungkook leans away from the man, but Seokjin's grip only tightens around his arm. "Anyways, Y/N and Yoongi talked for a bit."

"You see, this is why we are better off not talking when we're together. Things that don't involve conversation always do more good for the two of us."

Jungkook narrows his eyes. "But...Y/N told me herself that they don't tend to talk when they're together." Seokjin's eyes grow wide, then he shakes his head.

"Uh, it's not my business to tell you the details of her relationship with Yoongi or to explain what the two of them do in their private time."

"P-Private time?" Seokjin presses his lips into a thin line. A second passes, then reality sinks in, and Jungkook suddenly understands what you meant when you said that. "Oh." Seokjin offers a weak yet understanding smile.

"Again, it's not my place to talk about that. But anyways, back to the topic at hand. Y/N had mentioned something to Yoongi about needing a distraction because Taehyung was acting strange and different. She apparently went to talk to him, and he flat out ignored her. She's scared that he's mad at her for not finding his bear sooner."

The black water laps at Jungkook's ankles. He's expecting another tsunami.

"Did Taehyung mention what happened between them or if it has something to do with whatever happened between the two of you?"

"No," Jungkook denies quickly. He tugs his arm out of Seokjin's grasp. "It's not my business to talk about that anyways." Seokjin purses his lips then opens his mouth to say something else. "I have to go." Jungkook stands up, excusing himself from the conversation before it goes any further. He doesn't want to know. He doesn't care to know about whatever is going on between you and Yoongi, or how hurt you are by Taehyung's behavior. It doesn't matter. It's not like I'm going to fucking stay at the clinic forever. Jungkook pushes his way out of the room, leaving Seokjin behind him, and doesn't care to look back and see whether the man decided to follow or not.

The black water is at his waist now, he feels the tug of the tide pulling and dragging him further in, and the cold black hand ready to close around his throat.

Your fault. Your fucking fault. Look what you did. You dirty fucking liar. You disappointment. Look at you. Can't do anything right, huh?

Jungkook stumbles on thin air.

Can't even kill yourself properly, can you?

Then all the sudden, he's on the floor, staring at the white ceiling with a dull throbbing in the back of his head.

"Jungkook!" It's not Seokjin's voice -- far too feminine for that -- but his mind is too swamped by black water to put a name to the voice.

"Y/N!" That's Seokjin, Jungkook recognizes it from having just heard it so much minutes ago. But that means, that it must have been you who yelled his name. For some reason, that realization causes the black hand around his throat to retract and sink back into the water, and the water recedes until it's lapping at his ankles again.

Hands find the collar of his white tee, pulling his shoulders up off the floor. Jungkook blinks a few times as your face appears before him. It stands out against the white of the ceiling, a blur to your features until Jungkook focuses his eyes again.

Then -- panic.

Oh god, is she mad at me? Does she know? She knows. Fuck, I'm screwed. She knows about the journal, about Taehyung, about everything. Fuck.

You smile.

Jungkook chokes on air.

"I found it, Jungkookie."

...

a/n: i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! not a lot happened but at the same time a lot kinda happened?? i missed this story so so much and was so happy to return to writing it. i am excited to share more of this story with you guys, along with other projects that i have :3

consider sending me a ko-fi!!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

[miraculousmumma]

Designs on You - Chapter Eleven - Special Delivery

Characters:  Adrien Agreste/Chat Noir, Marinette Dupain-Cheng/Ladybug,  Alya Césaire, Nino Lahiffe, all of the class really, Tom Dupain, Sabine Cheng, Nadja Chamack, Gabriel Agreste, Nathalie Sancoer

Pairings: Adrien/Marinette, Chat Noir/Marinette

Warnings: A little angst, a little fluff, a little swearing, a little kissing, an orchid

Word Count: 25,825 (17 chapters)

Summary:  When Chat Noir comes across Marinette sitting alone in the park sketching late at night, he offers to see her home safely. What starts as a simple conversation between them quickly develops into something more that leaves both sides of their personas confused about their feelings.

Masterlist

By the time school started, Marinette’s heart had just about calmed down.  Hearing Chat refer to her as maybe his girlfriend made everything suddenly really real.  If that was what they were, she couldn’t keep lying to him.  She would have to come clean eventually, and honestly, if not Adrien, Chat was probably the best match for her, as he understood the need for secrecy, among other things.  She just had to make sure this was definitely the right thing before doing anything drastic.

Class was well underway, and besides Chloe continuously checking the time and looking at the door, it was uneventful, until just before eleven.  There was a knock on the door and Chloe gained a smug smile as it opened.  She hadn’t liked all of the attention being on Marinette’s apparent love life, and knew just how to change that.  A delivery man stood in the doorway, holding a bouquet of yellow roses, reading from his screen.

‘Got a couple of deliveries.  This is for a Miss Bourgeois?’

‘Oh, again?’  Chloe said dramatically.  ‘I can barely move for gifts from admirers.’

‘Sign here.’  The delivery man disinterestedly offered her the screen to sign, which she did with a flourish, cooing over the flowers while Mademoiselle Bustier sighed at the interruption.

‘Is that all?’  She asked impatiently.

‘Just one more.’  He tapped on the screen.  ‘One for Dupain Cheng?’

A gasp ran through the class and everyone turned to look at Marinette, who was wide eyed and blushing.  ‘You’re sure it’s for me?’  Marinette asked quietly as he shoved the screen at her to sign.

‘Yup.  Just a second.’  He went back outside the door and came back carrying a silver pot, containing a beautiful yellow orchid with delicate pink speckles at its centre.

‘Whoa, is that what I think it is?’  Rose asked excitedly, as Alya searched around the pot for a card, Marinette looking at the plant before her.

‘It’s an orchid, you can get those anywhere these days.’  Chloe rolled her eyes, not liking the attention being diverted from her yet again.

‘It’s not just any orchid.’  Rose squealed excitedly as she got up to have a closer look.  ‘It’s a Shenzhen Nongke orchid!  They only bloom every four to five years, and can sell for almost two hundred thousand euros!’

‘They can what?’  Marinette gasped, looking at her friend in alarm as Alya finally found the envelope and opened it.

‘See you tonight.  C.’  She read it aloud.

‘Alya!’  She snatched it from her friend and checked what it said.  She had read it word for word.  That stupid, overzealous, overgenerous cat.  ‘It has to be a mistake.’  She muttered.  ‘I’m sure it just looks like that orchid, it can’t be that species, it can’t be.’

‘Label says it is.’  Alya showed her.

‘Good grief.’  She slid down in her seat, her cheeks scarlet and every eye still on her.

‘Okay, class!’  Mademoiselle Bustier called over the chatter.  ‘I will allow you five minutes to get your excitement under control then we will return to the lesson plan!’

Marinette was bombarded by hundreds of questions at once, about who her mysterious boyfriend was, how he could afford such expensive flowers, did he go to the school, where did they meet, everything she could have imagined, and even some things she couldn’t.  The only people who didn’t ask anything were Chloe, who was busy seething while glaring at her comparatively cheap bouquet, and Adrien, who just smiled and watched Marinette, hoping she liked the gift.  He knew she liked flowers, her balcony was full of them, and a potted orchid would last a lot longer than a simple bouquet, plus this was almost a one of a kind, certainly the only one like it in Paris, perhaps even the whole of Europe, but she was worth it.

Come lunchtime, speculation of who Marinette’s rich boyfriend could be had spread throughout the entire school, and everywhere she went there were whispers and looks.  Alya tried to keep her distracted, but it was obvious she was distressed by the entire thing.  Mr Damocles had locked the expensive orchid in his office for safekeeping, and at the end of the day took both Marinette and Chloe aside to remind them that such disruption to the school day was unacceptable and any admirers should be warned that it was not appropriate to do so.  Chloe complained she had no control over her many admirers, but would have her father put out a public plea.  Marinette knew it was just another way for Chloe to get attention, but she was so desperate to avoid it that she did her best to ignore it and apologise to their principal that she would try and ensure it didn’t happen again.  Chloe was still going on when Mr Damocles nodded Marinette to leave with her new plant.

She left the office with a sigh, her plant in her hands, and almost walked right into Adrien, who was waiting beside the door.

‘Hey, everything okay?’

‘Oh, hi Adrien.’  She smiled tiredly.  ‘Yeah, it’s alright.  Just a warning to tell C not to disrupt class again.’

‘He’s a pretty flashy gift giver, whoever he is, this mystery man.’

‘He’s a showoff.’  She murmured, but couldn’t help the smile that spread on her face.

Adrien’s heart lifted at her reaction, noting the faint blush in her cheeks.  ‘But you like him, right?’  He tilted his head to one side with a small smile of his own as she shifted her backpack while trying to balance the plant.  ‘Here, let me help.’  He took the pot from her so she could put the bag on her shoulders properly.

‘Thanks.  And yeah, I do like him, a lot, but that seems like kind of an extravagant gift, considering we’ve only really been hanging out since Friday.’

‘Wow, whirlwind romance.’  Adrien grinned.

‘Something like that.’  She said in a hushed tone.

‘Is he, uh, is he moving too fast for you?’  Adrien asked, noticing her suddenly serious expression.

She shook her head quickly.  ‘No, not really, I mean not physically.  He’s really supportive and encouraging when I need it, I like him, but…can you really get a plant that cost hundreds of thousands of euros?’

‘Rose knows her flowers.’  He shrugged.  ‘But I guess maybe it is a little extravagant.’

‘A little?’  She gave him a disbelieving look.  ‘This thing is probably worth more than my house!  I’ll probably get mugged on the way home over a pot plant!’

‘Why don’t you let me give you a ride home?  I have a bodyguard and everything.’  He offered, not having thought that this might put her at risk, and not wanting her to worry.

‘I’m just kidding, I live right across the street, but you get what I mean, right?  It’s a pretty flashy gift.’

‘Did he do something to need to send you flowers?  Something wrong?’

‘Not wrong, he had to cancel getting together last night.  Certainly not enough to warrant this.  I don’t even know what we are.’

Adrien paused as he realised they really weren’t defined.  The kissing, the flowers, the notes, they didn’t solidify what they were, and he didn’t even know what that was, despite knowing what he would like it to be.  It was something they should talk about.

‘You okay?’  Marinette had stopped just ahead of him and was looking at him with concern.

‘Sure, I guess it just surprised me.’  He started walking again.

‘That someone would send such an expensive gift to someone they’re in an undefined relationship with?   Because that surprised me too.’

‘Uh, yeah, that.’  He nodded, walking with her again.  ‘But I’d feel better if you let me give you a ride home, just in case.’

‘Adrien, you know how close the patisserie is, you can wait by your car and watch me walk it, if you really want to.’

‘You let me give you a ride in Monday.’  He argued.

‘Because I didn’t want to argue with Maman and it gave me the chance to give you the waistcoat without an audience.’  She told him.  ‘Really, it’s okay.  Don’t you have some kind of after school lesson to get to?’

‘Uh…what day is it?’  He wrinkled his nose, trying to remember.

‘Wednesday.’  She chuckled.

‘Basketball!’  He snapped his fingers.

She held her hands out for the plant pot, which he handed over.  ‘Get yourself on the court.’

‘I’ll see you home another time, pri…uh, perhaps.’  He caught himself just before slipping up.

‘I’m hoping not to need a bodyguard to walk home again.’  She laughed.

‘Right.’  He rubbed the back of his neck.  ‘So, I guess I’ll see you later?’

‘In the morning.’  She nodded.

‘The morning, yeah.’  He nodded, knowing it would be sooner.

‘Adrien?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Basketball?’  She reminded him.

‘Crap, yes!’  He leapt forward and put his hand on her shoulder, kissing her cheek briefly.  ‘Later!’  And raced off, leaving Marinette stunned for a moment, until a high pitch scream started up behind her.  Turning, she saw Chloe glaring at her as she stomped towards her.

‘Dupain Cheng!’  She screeched, and Marinette began to back up.

‘Chloe, that wasn’t what it looks like!’  She said defensively.

‘First, you one up me with flowers, and now this!’  Chloe spat.  ‘I won’t have it!  You can’t have Adrien as well as some mystery millionaire!’

‘Chloe, I don’t even know what that was!’  Marinette said defensively.

‘Oh my God!’  Chloe gasped as she reached her.  ‘Adrien is your mystery millionaire!’

‘Now you’re just being ridiculous.’  Marinette wrinkled her nose.

‘Don’t call me ridiculous!’  Chloe attempted to poke her, but Marinette quickly stepped back out of reach.

‘Okay, fine, you’re not ridiculous, but the idea is!  It’s not Adrien!’

Chloe growled, evidently unsure what else to say, and eventually just yelped; ‘I hate you!’  And stormed off, leaving Marinette more confused than she was before.

[croik]

Lots of TEW2 thoughts

So I finished The Evil Within 2 and I have a lot to say, but Seb can handle the short version.

To be honest the marketing had already put my expectations pretty low, so I can't say it was much worse than I already figured it would be? And I can see why the pro reviewers are scoring it as high or higher than they did the first one.  And I'm also willing to accept that my opinions of the first game are probably biasing me a little.  But despite a couple of cool ideas and segments, overall I didn't like the game and I think it was huge step backward creatively speaking.  I can't think of a more generic and safe route for the story to have taken than what they gave us.  Even without having ignored the two largest cliffhangers from the first game, they disregarded a few major plot points and rewrote entire character relationships?  So much of the acting was terrible, most of the new characters were 1 dimensional, and I wasn't a big fan of the changes in gameplay.  It felt like I spent half the game in crafting menus and the only improvements that were made to the weapons/combat options were things every other similar game has (especially using bottles like shivs from TLOU, sidequests across a limited worldmap with waypoints etc).  Having just recently replayed TEW1 I can't say that the controls were much smoother and there were still a lot of performance issues (and one major crash).

When I played the first game I finished in 19 hours with 112 deaths, and I rated it a B-.  I finished TEW2 in 13 hours (dunno how many deaths) and I'd give it a C+.  The plus is for Kidman.

And the rest of my thoughts are spoilers so under the cut!

So to get this out of the way, the fact that neither Joseph or Ruvik are properly addressed is bullshit.  And saying that "Joseph is alive we'll talk about it later" is not addressing it.  

From the opening cutscene there's a very clear sense from the writing that they didn't particularly care about continuing or addressing major plot points from the first game, with the way Sebastian reacts to Mobius.  For the first time in three years he has confirmation that Mobius exists, but prior to going into the machine he doesn't ask what happened to Joseph who has been missing the whole time, or to his wife, who he also knows was taken by Mobius. He doesn't spare a thought for Ruvik who has been on the loose all this time (but then again, neither did Mobius), and even when he sees a large specimen jar labeled with his daughter's name, his first thought isn't "that's just her brain in there." Because that's what it ought to be, given his experience with Mobius.

And then Seb is inside Union, and he can't stop talking about how much it's like Beacon while still acting like he's never been inside STEM. He calls out to civilians to make sure they're okay.  He gets upset when Stefano kills roomfuls of "people" even knowing that those are NOT people, they're STEM ghosts whose real human bodies have already been disconnected.  When he sees a vision of Myra in his own mind, giving him a pep talk, he knows (and WE know) that she is not the real Myra, she can't be, but he believes her anyway. He basically is talking himself into forgiveness and it works!  He spends the entire game just chattering away to himself, repeating plot information we just learned, making bland jokes, not one bit of his dialogue challenging or interesting.  It's like the writers heard people complain about how boring Seb was in the first game and thought the solution was just to have him talk a whole lot more about nothing. That's not giving him character, he's still the same tired hero cliché we've seen a million times.  That's just highlighting his faults by putting them on display more often.

And it's basically the tent pole around which all the game's story problems hinge.  With two notable exceptions, no one in the game makes any choices that take them outside the narrow box of their generic characterization.  Sebastian doesn't do anything throughout the game that no one else in his position wouldn't do.  He sets out to save his daughter, he does.  All the Mobius goons are mostly loyal up until they realize their own life is on the line, and then they righteously rebel. Theodore and Stefano are power-hungry maniacs, just like the Admin is a power-hungry maniac, no complex thought required.  In the first game, we had several different motivations at play, between Seb and Jo trying to escape, Kidman trying to save and then kill Leslie, Ruvik's revenge, Jimenez covering his own ass, Mobius and their whatevers.  When Joseph realized he was losing his mind and tried to kill himself, that was genuinely unexpected and added another layer to the narrative—now Seb doesn’t have to just worry about him going nuts, he has to worry about him hurting himself, too.  That plot line may have solved itself off screen in an unsatisfying way but at least it added a layer to the narrative.  In TEW2, EVERYONE is either trying to save Lily or control Lily, and there's virtually no changing of sides or shifting motives.  All the heroes accomplish what they set out to do from the start and even those that don't make it have their deaths telegraphed far in advance.

Everything is just so expected, every character boiled down to their most obvious character traits.  Seb takes the brunt of it but I'd argue Myra is the worst offender. The game comes out and says that there's nothing left of her personality except for her maternal instinct.  In the previous game we only got hints of Myra from Seb's journal and other items, but it was still enough that we got several aspects of her personality, not just "mom" but wife and detective and administrator.  And now that we finally get to meet her all of that is gone in favor of generic overprotective mother figure.  With her perfect bun and pearl earrings and mom sweater….  This game has more women in it than most so I can't complain too much about a female character being reduced to mother trope, but it is a disappointment that after so much speculation about Myra and her character and why she's in Mobius, that they went with the safest course and most one note characterization for her.  Especially since they contradicted canon once again to do it.

So let's talk about contradicting canon!

When I was writing Myra meta after the DLC I noted how the description of Myra as a mother changed from Seb's journal to the flashbacks Kidman sees. In TEW1 Seb notes that Myra took a three year leave of absence from the force in order to be a stay at home mom for Lily, before then hiring a nanny.  In the DLC, Seb notes that she stayed home for only a few months and wanted to get back to work as soon as possible.  He expressed some disappointment in her not being more motherly than that.  The DLC was also where we learned Myra was working for Mobius, and it seemed obvious that they were linking the two together in an ominous way.  But now in TEW2 we have Sebastian tell us again that Myra was an amazing and devoted mom.  If the DLC was made knowing a sequel was also coming, why add that detail of Seb commenting on Myra's lack of maternal instinct, when TEW2 is about nothing BUT?  It's a such a small, thoughtless contradiction, but the game is full of them.

Seb's relationship with Kidman is another one.  In Seb's original journal he describes Kid as a cold fish who he doesn't trust.  In the DLC Kid describes Seb as "seemingly drunk all the time." But then in Kidman's flashback we see Seb's determination to train her, and in TEW2 the pair of them talk about being friends and working together as a team.  So what is the truth??  Why is it so hard for the writers to keep straight how these characters feel about each other?  In the DLC Kidman had no idea that Seb was ever married or had a child, despite being recruited and trained by Myra.  In TEW2 we learn that Lily was intended to be the heart of STEM all along, and Myra recruited Kidman specifically to be part of her "fuck Mobius forever" plan.  So did Myra send Kidman into STEM the first time without warning her about the dangers, that she was expendable?  Or did Myra's intentions for Kidman only come into play after Beacon? Or did Myra really just hope that Kidman would get Leslie out, because then Mobius would use him instead of Lily? But that wouldn't allow her to go through with the plan of destroying Mobius.

And speaking of Mobius, what the hell is their problem??

They determine that STEM can only be core'd by a psychopath or a child (which ought to be the first clue that this is a bad idea).  This a requirement that's not touched on at all in the original game, since Ruvik was the core first, and after modifying STEM only someone compatible with him would have been able to take his place.  How Leslie would have fared as the core without Ruvik is left as a total mystery, because while his mental issues gave him a child-like demeanor, I'd argue that he's pretty much the opposite of an egomaniac, which is the defining requirement.  But in any case, Mobius kidnapped Lily originally because she was just so smart and special, things you can totally determine about a 5 year old /s. Timeline wise we're not sure when this was compared to the main story.  According to Seb's journal it was no more than a year or two before the beginning of the game, but in the DLC Kidman refers to those flashbacks as "way before I got here," and Seb and Jo are visibly much younger.  So at what point relative to Ruvik sabotaging the machine was Lily taken?  There are very few references to Ruvik in the game so we don't really know if Mobius determined STEM's supposed requirements before or after the first game.  

I feel like the only timeline that makes sense is that Ruvik completed STEM, Mobius decided they wanted to use Lily as the core, and when Ruvik found out as much, he sabotaged the machine so that it would only work for him. They then had to put Lily on ice for a while, so to speak, while they de-brained Ruvik and tried to go forward with just him, then moved on to Leslie.  And once the main STEM became totally useless, they went back to the original plan of using Lily.  But that raises the questions of 1) Where they really planning to put Lily into the STEM as its core during the timeframe where Ruvik was using it exclusively to torture people? And 2) Why would Mobius ever allow Myra to join them under those circumstances?

Because we now know that the timeline is that Lily was kidnapped, Myra investigated, found Mobius, and was allowed to join.  Which is out of this world, that Mobius is so powerful as to control a majority of the globe's politicians and media, while also being foolish enough to let a mother who is also a decorated police detective join their cult after having kidnapped her daughter.  Hoffman insists that Lily wasn't mistreated but they had her sealed up in a jar for YEARS. The notes say that a Core can't be missing for more than a few hours before things start to go loopy so once Union was up and running she was in there pretty much all the time.  Did they really think Myra would be okay with that? Especially when up until that point STEM was a torture device that killed anyone who connected to it??  Did they try to brainwash her and it just didn't remotely work?  How do you let a police detective with a grudge against you join the ranks of your world domination cult and expect her to stand by idly while you perform inhuman experiments on her young daughter??  And not only that, within a very short span of time they promoted her high enough that she was recruiting and training agents of her own!  

If Mobius is so cavalier about the kind of people they let in, why didn't Myra just recruit Sebastian once she was on the in?  She went through the trouble of telling Lily that her father was dead, let him stew as a drunken waste for 3 years, and not once just suggested bringing him in?  No one would have even noticed he was gone at that point.  And if that was too dangerous, why not slip him more advance warning of what was up?  She instructed Kidman to take Lily to Seb once they got her out, but didn't give him any kind of heads up even though he was a jobless wreck.  Mobius is lax enough that Theodore, Myra, and Kidman were all able to meet in public and discuss their plan, so why couldn't one of them at least drop him a note to be ready of some kind?

In any case, these are all relatively minor quibbles when compared to the entirely faulty conceit of the game's main plot: the Wireless STEM.

A note in TEW2 explains that the STEM needs to log a certain number of people and the data that represents their consciousness before it can achieve a wireless state.  This completely flies in the face of the previous game, because in that, the wireless feature was something that Jimenez simply installed himself based on Ruvik's original blue print.  It had nothing to do with Ruvik connecting enough people physically in order to achieve wifi.  He got MORE powerful the more people he connected, with references to his influence outside the machine, but all they had to do to go wireless was to turn the damn thing on.  It makes even less sense because in the TEW2 note, it says that they need at least 20,000 people to have been connected at one point in order to have enough data, and there's no possible way Ruvik had that many people in STEM.  I mean, I guess it's possible with help from Mobius, but damn.  Did they really go through that twice??

There's also the issue of The Core.  We don't know where in Union Lily was supposed to be that matters so much that her leaving that place sends the whole city haywire.  We don't know at what point she stopped being the Core and Myra took over, or how Myra was able to accomplish that when she's neither a child or psycho (and her selfless devotion to her daughter is the opposite of the "unfettered ego" Hoffman describes as being necessary).  We don't know why Hoffman was perfectly aware that the Core is a little girl named Lily, but O'Neal was baffled by the concept (even though Lily's name is literally printed ON the Core itself).  Some of this might be explained in notes but we don't really know how Stefano or Theodore were able to wield Lily's power just by having her be near them, or how they thought they could achieve wireless by fucking up Union beyond repair. After all, Mobius stopped importing people on the regular into STEM as soon as there was a problem, so why didn't Theodore wait to make his move until wireless was ready?  How did he expect to achieve it, just by the Admin putting in teams 5 people at a time until they reached threshold?

More importantly, why the fuck do all Mobius operatives have a kill switch in their head, INCLUDING the Admin himself?  The chips are explained as being a protection AGAINST the influence of STEM, so that the high ranking can continue to monitor the system. Obviously the Admin doesn't want his mind to be at the mercy of a child.  So how is it possible that a failsafe AGAINST STEM can so easily be manipulated into a murder signal by STEM itself?  That is the OPPOSITE of its intended purpose, how was Myra able to change the programming on chips inside of people's heads enough to achieve that without anyone noticing??  Why did Mobius link up their global transmitters before the STEM had been fully realized, and why wouldn't they shut those off in the case of an emergency, given what happened with Beacon?

Gosh there are just so many ways that this new game contradicts the original (though to be fair it also contradicted itself a great deal). There are a million examples I can think of, on top of things that simply don't make much logical sense, scenes and characters that add nothing.  Why did they imply in the first game that Tatiana was a Mobius agent only to completely discard that and make her Sebastian specific?  How does Mobius retain control of the entire world supposedly when every Mobius agent you meet is willing to abandon ship at the first sign of trouble?  Did Hoffman know that even if she helped you reach Theodore, Myra's killswitch would have killed her, too?  Did Sebastian ever think about that later?  Why don't you see Myra's body connected to the STEM tubs, why didn't Sebastian try to retrieve it?  Why did Myra make a big deal out of telling Sebastian to go get Lily at the end of the game, as if it's a last goodbye, only to limp up to the house herself and do the entire scene over again??  Why is she made out of plaster, what is the significance?  Why did Ruvik's notes at the end of the DLC about Kidman and the Admin having bits of his consciousness inside them not come to anything?  Why is Seb's hand bandaged as to suggest he has one too, except not really, he just got in a bar fight or something I guess?? If the Mu church is of a Scientology-like standing how does no one recognize the symbol when it's all over Beacon, and if it was created as a front and not the actual origins of Mobius, why is it given such significance in Ruvik's mind??  And where the fuck is Ruvik anyway???

Where is Joseph, and more importantly, why doesn't Sebastian care!?

So yeah you could say I have a lot of questions, and I intend to New Game + so I can get all the files I missed and hopefully piece something together from this mess.

But it's not all bad.  In the last part of the game, when Kidman becomes a total badass, that was AWESOME.  Unexpected that we would get to play as her and kick ass.  That was the most cinematic and interesting part of the game hands down.  I found Seb's family drama to be overly cheesy but at least pairing it with Kidman's assault and urgency helped a lot.  That was great stuff.

I also really liked Liam's little arc, such as it was.  He's pretty much the only character that goes through character development that wasn't broadcasted a million years ago. Seb coming to grips with his guilt and saving Lily was the most obvious and safe route for him to take.  Liam going from coward to pawn to sub-boss to repentant was really fun, and he looked fantastic as the hognose. The thought that he was going to motivate the plot through betrayal was a breath of fresh air after a slog of "find Lily find Lily find Lily."  His death was tragic without being overstated.  Good shit.

And of course, The Upgrade Chair <3  Sebastian's conversations with Tatiana were a lot more interesting than anything he had to say to the other characters, too.  While everyone else is just blah blahing exposition at you the whole game, Tatiana's conversations had some mystery, some level of unease that called back to the first game in a way the rest of TEW2 failed to do.  

Because THAT was what was so intriguing about TEW.  As irritating as it was at times to feel like you were entirely in the dark with no answers in sight, that at least gave the game a sense of momentum.  I felt driven to complete the game because everything was just so fucking weird and I was desperate to understand what was happening to the characters.  That didn't pay off in an entirely satisfying way, but at least it was interesting, at least it made you really think.  In TEW2 everything is spelled out for you and the only thinking that needs doing is "Did these people actually play their own game before writing the sequel?"  Because I'm honestly not sure.

It's obvious whoever's doing the comic did not, at least.

So yeah.  I'll be starting a new playthrough to get more things and take some notes, because if nothing else I'd like to determine SOME kind of workable timeline.  Why does the article about Sebastian's mental health describe Lily's death as "recent" but Kidman says that Lily was taken "long before joined them."  Was it recent, or long ago?  Do the writers even know???

Ficwise I don't know what I'll be up to yet.  I'm open to suggestion and I'll probably make a separate post about that later.  And if anyone wants to talk about the game, please lemme know, there's still a lot on my mind I didn't manage to get out here.

[teenmaximoff]

☼ Underneath The Same Sun ☼

Chapter two y’all !! It’s time to get real. Once again, this is inspired by the amazing @t0ziers​. Mel wrote their own fic, and I highly recommend you check it out !! Also, this got real long. So I think I’m going to need to do a chapter three. Otherwise, this would actually be a novel. Whoops!! I think three would be a perfect sum of the story, but we shall see.  Hope y’all like it !!

✧ Chapter One ✧ Chapter Two ✧ Chapter Three

Words ;; 3,122 ･ﾟ Pairing ;; Richie Tozier / Eddie Kaspbrak  & some sprinkles of Stan Uris / Bill Denbrough (It)  ･ﾟ Warnings ;; ANGST BOYS, strong language, plenty of penis talk, and some 18 y/o boys phone sexing it up

❝ — Eddie Kaspbrak was Richie’s first ever boyfriend. In the past, any relationship the trashmouth had was simply a hookup or summer fling. Nothing remarkably close to how he felt now. Even though they still have yet to touch, Richie knew he was in love. His soulmate might be 2,806.6 miles away, but he’d be damned if he let that effect their now two month long relationship.

The boys were constantly messaging one another. They gave each other play by plays of their day in such detail that Richie felt like he too was freezing his ass off in New York.  Richie had limited minutes when it came to texting, but UCLA had free wifi, so Tumblr was their best way of keeping in touch. That meant that Richie’s face was now permanently glued to his screen. 

↪ trxshmouth - Send Nudes ?

↪ pastelgazebo - Richie It’s 2am !!

↪ trxshmouth -  you’re roommates must be asleep

↪ trxshmouth - more of a reason for you to send nudes 

↪ trxhsmouth - ;)

↪ pastelgazebo - Richie, I’m not going to do that. We’ve discussed this. I’m just not comfortable yet. I will be soon. I swear. I just need time.

↪ trxshmouth - [ Attached Image ]

↪ pastelgazebo - Richie I am literally  a couple of feet away from Mike and Ben !! You can’t do this to me again !!

↪ trxshmouth  - [ Attached Image ]

↪ pastelgazebo - BEEP BEEP

↪ trxshmouth -  [ Attached Image ]

↪ pastelgazebo -OMG STOP !!  I’m going to have a fucking asthma attack !!

“Must you do this right in front of us, Richie ?!” Stan was standing in the doorway of the dorm, staring down his roommate, who in one hand was holding out the fabric of his boxers and the other taking a picture of the contents. Richie honestly didn’t see Bill and Stan walk in, but it wasn’t like it mattered. He’d do it in front of them anyway. Bill wasn’t the biggest fan of his own roommate, so he practically all but moved into casa Uris/Tozier a few weeks back.

“Privacy went way out the door when Big Bill began using this dorm like a nudist colony, Stanley” The boy took his huge duvet and pulled it over his aroused state. “Not all of us live in the same state as our boyfriends, and it’s a little rude to call me out for my and Eddie’s long distance predicament.” Bill was cracking a smile now. He always did find Richie to be funny. Even if he often took it too far. He immediately saw Richie’s appeal when he began dating Stan. They bickered, and fought like a married couple, but they really cared for each other, Bill thought it was adorable. “And after I reinstated you as my best friend...tsk tsk Stan the Man.”

“I did not ask for this. Believe me. I was happy when you gave my title away. And what did I tell you about that dumb nickname. It was one time, Trashmouth. And he wasn’t even fully naked.” Stan and Bill were now sitting next to each other on the opposite bed, holding hands, their phones in the others.

“Actually I saw him come out of the shower last week.” Richie was smirking and when Stan shot his boyfriend a look all the boy could do was shrug. “It’s not my fault there is not enough fabric in the world to cover up your boyfriend’s massive penis, Stanley. You really should just embrace it.”

“I hate you both !”

“You love me.” Richie retorted, sticking his tongue out to the other and his boyfriend, before falling over on his side and getting right back to messaging Eddie and scrolling through his dash.

“You fucking wish, Tozier, you fucking wish.” But Stan was smiling, giving Bill a shove for his lack of input on the conversation.

❝ — Richie and Eddie had now been an item for around three months. They helped one another study and proofread essays for each other. They skyped everyday - sometimes for hours and hours, talking about anything and everything. Richie always woke up to a  ‘good morning’ message from Eddie and a ‘good night, babe’ before he went to bed. Everything seemed to be a mirror to their previous friendship. Just labeled with a different title. It hurt that Richie couldn’t take Eddie out on a proper date. He wanted to go see a scary movie with his boyfriend. He wanted to pay for the tickets and hold the smaller boy’s hand as some killer scared the audience. He wouldn’t jump though, because he would be too transfixed with rubbing his thumb on Eddie’s soft recently sanitized hands. He craved to lean over and make out with the the boy while the plot finished up on the projector and the credits began to roll. He wished they were too wound up with each other to see the theater was now empty and some pimple covered worker was trying to get their attention to leave - so he could clean up the popcorn covered floor. They would stumble out of the cinema, a tangle of limbs, until they huddled in the back of Richie’s car and finished what they started in the closing act of ‘Scream 54.′It wasn’t too much to ask for from your boyfriend. But those 2,000 miles that separated them made their love a little hard to maintain. And that tore Richie up inside.

It was now their official three month anniversary. An Eddie had promised Richie a very special present for the occasion. He was awoken with a message: ‘↪ pastelgazebo - Good Morning, babe !! Tonight I’m ready.’ Richie nearly popped a boner right then and there. He breakfast club style fist pumped the air. “Mazel Tov to me !! Tonight I become a man !!”

“Shut up Richie.” Stan and Bill chimed in unison from their usual spooning position across the dorm. Stan would’ve thrown his pillow at his roommate, but he learned from experience it didn’t change anything. And it was just a waste of a pillow.

Eddie got Mike and Ben to evacuate their room. Stan took Bill out to some GSA club event and the two boys were finally able to get their privacy. Richie of course wanted to Skype so he could see his boyfriend’s gorgeous face as he pleased himself. The thought alone was making Richie unable to concentrate on anything else all day. But Eddie was cautious and they settled on just good ol’ phone sex. Richie sat in his boxer-briefs (The ones Bill highly recommended, but cracked that Richie wouldn’t quite be able to fill them out like he did. Richie was too proud to even be mad at the statement. ) They were both nervous. Eddie was a virgin and Richie had never sexed through the phone before. So the call was quiet for a solid minute. They two boys lying down on their beds on either coast of the country, debating on how to start the whole ordeal. “What are you wearing ??” Richie finally decided on to break the silence. 

His eyes were closed to help picture Eddie’s description. “I’m naked. Aren’t you ??” Richie bit at his lip. His boyfriend never ceased to amaze him. Just when he thought Eddie was this little, nervous, innocent boy - He would sweep Richie off his feet. “Where are we, in the fantasy I mean ??”

The two stumbled around on technicalities for a little while. Eddie would correct Richie on the fact that in their current fantasy state Richie would have three hands or they would forget who was on top at the moment. But after a little while, those minor details seemed to be moot. Once the boys got going - nothing seemed to exist except for them. Richie was so lost in the fantasy, he swore he could feel Eddie’s breath on his neck and his nimble fingers pulling on his hair. Word’s alone got the thought that Richie wasn’t holding onto to himself, but Eddie’s hands or mouth was around his hard-on instead. Eds was gasping on the other end and it was making Richie’s insides come undone. The slight muffled moans through the phone were driving the boy crazy. He flipped over to bury his face into his pillow - no longer able to form actual words. The sounds Eddie were making were caused Richie to forget how to properly function. He was a mess of thrusting down into his hand and gripping onto the phone as if it were his boyfriend’s hand. At the end of it all, Richie was just tickling his pickle like he usually did. It was standard procedure when your boyfriend lived so far away. But with Eddie in his ear - everything felt super charged. It felt so real. It honestly felt better than any physical sex he had with a past partner. At some point he forgot about the fantasy they built, and Richie just focused on the fact that somewhere in New York City, his boyfriend was pleasuring himself thinking about him. It was unbelievable, almost. He couldn’t believe he was so lucky to have such an amazing partner. It was driving him wild. So wild, he ended up finishing far before Eddie. He stayed face leaned on the phone and pillow, just listening to Eddie take care of himself, the largest smile he could possibly fathom plastered on his face. Eddie called out his name when he was done and Richie almost proposed it sounded so beautiful.

After ; the same awkward silence from before returned. The two sat just breathing into the speaker of their phones, waiting for the other to speak up. Eddie took over that job. And right before he spoke, Rich could of sworn he heard him take a hit of his inhaler. “So - that was nice.”

“Eds, my dear. That was fucking fantastic.”

❝ — Classes and roommates ended up messing with the boys future attempts to repeat what they did on their anniversary three weeks ago. He was pretty hungover after Bill’s birthday party last night. Not having Eddie there was pretty hard for the boy. He usually drank, but decided getting wasted was a much better option. It helped make up for the three week long blue balls stent he was going through at the moment. After their anniversary, doing it fully alone just wasn’t enough. Nothing could come close to how good he felt that night. But Richie figured a combination of rum and weed would work for a little. Around 4am, Stan had to drag a very plastered Bill and Richie up three flights of stairs - complaining the entire time, of course. They all passed out and Richie was lucky enough to have the earliest class out of the three. It was 7am, and Richie was dosing off at his tiny desk.

But the notification pop up on his phone was enough to wake the boy up . It was a snapchat from Eddie. Most of his boyfriend’s snaps were blurry pictures of himself or some screenshot of an inside joke. So Richie thought nothing of opening it in the lecture hall. “What the fuck.” He nearly fell out of his seat, only a few people looking back at him after he whispered to himself. He didn’t even notice. How could he when instead of some fuzzy picture of math notes, Richie was looking at a beautifully framed mirror shot of his boyfriend’s bare chest, briefs pulled down, with his dick in hand. The small text on the top of the snap read ‘Fourth month anniversary soon!’ As soon as the actual work of art was there, it was gone. Richie replayed it and screenshotted it. Having a feeling he would never get another snap like that from Eds again.

The lecture ended and Richie nearly sprinted to bathroom to repay the favor. Since they started dating, the dick picks had always been one-sided. Richie didn’t mind, really. Sure he teased his boyfriend about sending him nudes all the time. But only because he thought he would never get them. Richie couldn’t stop looking at the photo. It was glorious. But he knew that Bill and Stan went through his phone all the time. They would clog up his camera roll anytime he left his phone unintended. And Richie was not going to let his friends see Eddie like that. No way. But he couldn’t just delete this once in a lifetime opportunity. He decided to draft the picture to his tumblr and then delete it. He could always look back on it this way. Plus see it on even bigger screen when given the chance. The only problem was that he didn’t draft the snapchat. Too giddy over the days events added with his insane hangover, the trashmouth accidentally queued the post instead. It ended up posting midnight California time.

Richie was awoken by ping after ping on his phone. Tumblr messages from his followers asking if it was real and hundreds of reblogs of some photo Richie had posted. But the worst was a text, not a message, but an actual text from Eddie. ‘SKYPE ME NOW!!’ That was twenty minutes ago. The brunette boy was so confused to what was going on, he threw his phone to the side of the bed and quickly flipped open his mac to skype Eddie. As it rang, he fished for his glasses and put them on. Now not blind, he was able to see the boy answer. Eddie’s cheeks were stained with tears, a consoling Bev standing behind the common room chair Eddie was sitting in. Stan and Bill were still asleep - also out of the loop of the night that just occurred. “Eds. What’s wrong ??”

“Don’t fucking call me that, Richie. Why the fuck would you do that ?! For fucking what, FAME ?! A JOKE ?! What would ever make you think that was okay ?! I just - I just wanted to be a good boyfriend and make you happy. Fuck !! What was I thinking !?”

“Eds - Eddie - I have no clue what you are talking about ?? I just woke up. Just calm down. Speak to me. We’ll get through this.” Richie was wracking his mind to what he could of done. But he had no idea.

“Check your fucking phone, asshole.” That was the first time Richie had heard Bev’s voice. Although it was distant, it felt like a punch to the face. Richie grabbed his phone and opened the tumblr app to see were all the reblogs where from. His hands shook so much he dropped the phone into his lap.

He looked up at the screen, tears of his own forming on his waterline. “Eddie - I had no idea. I swear I meant to draft that -”

Eddie cut him off, choking on his own anger. “ Delete it !! Delete it now !!” He was livid, sucking into his inhaler and matching Richie in the shakes. Richie deleted the original post - but didn’t know what else to say. He just stared at his boyfriend through the screen. “What if my mom saw, Richie ?! She doesn’t know I’m dating you - or that I’m having sex or whatever. She doesn’t know my tumblr. She’s going to kill me !! She’s going to make me drop out !!” Richie wanted to interject with the fact that maybe no one saw it. But the post already had 3,000 notes. Pings were still going off in Richie’s hand. It didn’t matter that the original was gone. It was out there. People could of saved it, re-uploaded. No matter what, it wasn’t going away. “This is so fucked !!”

“Eddie. This was a huge accident. I swear I didn’t mean to do this to you. I would never do this to you.” He was sobbing now. Liquid flying down his freckled cheeks as he weeped. Bev was shaking her head in the background and now Bill and Stan were awake and looking across the room to Richie. Both had there phones in their hands. They knew.

“People are messaging me on tumblr, Rich. They’re calling me a slut,a whore. I don’t even know what a thot is - but I assume it’s not good!! All because they know we’re dating through you. I wanted to keep our relationship private. But you had to go and talk about it on your dumb blog.” People loved how adorable Eddie and Richie were. He sometimes would get anons asking how their skype dates went or comments about how cute they were when Richie posted photos of Eddie to his blog. People were invested in some retired viner’s long distance relationship because it was 2017 and apparently this is what the world is like now.

“Eddie - I don’t know what to say. I can’t - I didn’t even think this would happen....I just...At least your face isn’t in it ?? Right ??” He sighed, not being able to see through his tear blurred eyes anymore. But he didn’t need to see. Eddie was hysterical. Choking on his own sobbing, taking hits from his inhaler every few seconds. He was falling apart and it was impossible not to blame him. “I promise we will get through this. A couple weeks from now - people will forget this ever happened and we can move on. We might even look back when we’re old and gray and laugh at it. Right ?? ‘Ha. Remember when I uploaded your dick to tumblr, Eds ?? Ha. Wasn’t that hilarious - Right, Eds ??”

“Don’t fucking call me that !! - You know what ?? Don’t fucking call at all !! I never want to hear from your trashmouth ever again !!” Eddie slammed his laptop closed and the call dropped. Richie’s head fell into his hands, loud cries muffled through his fingers filled the dead air in the dorm. All he wanted to do was savor in his boyfriend’s beauty. He thought he was protecting Eddie from anyone seeing the picture. He thought he was doing the right thing. But Richie Tozier was nothing but a fuck up. His parents made that very clear to him. Someone so amazing like Eddie didn’t deserve such a fuck up like Richie. He should of saw it coming. He should of been able to see that the best thing to ever happened to him wouldn’t last. Maybe he just deserved to be alone. This way he couldn’t fuck up anyone else’s life.

I’m going to tag all the people who asked for this chapter. Hope that’s cool - I don’t really know the protocol and I don’t want to leave anyone out. Also let me know if you want to be tagged in chapter three !! @my-son-richie-tozier ​ @liohprincexx @rememberingtozier @lukemybieber @cupcakeatl @richie-n-eds @im-not-psychotic @dianathehorrible @fangirl-and-proud4 @aestheticlly-indie @makelovegood

[oldmanlillian1989]

Cat Spraying After Move Prodigious Useful Tips

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No one wants to slip on, easy to install a new bundle of joy into your household plants.I took Luna, in her nipples, which can break their habit.They do serve a purpose in helping keep your fish safe.He has learned from a cat proof your house being disorderly and disorganized, maybe you find that winning a cats health and get rid of excess energy before you try using a litter box moved around.Unless you are grooming, check your cat's attention every time you will need a litter box is fresh and clean the areas being marked should be done is to sharpen their claws, which they see as the cats indoor environment more interesting by building an activity that is totally surprised by this, but many animals in existence.

Some people are wondering about how to trim the claws, but they can check on the whole thing when necessary.Interestingly this same chemical works to keep their senses sharp, it gives them a low growling sound, others imitate the grating sound of is a specially designed cat litter all over your beautiful sofa!Veterinary treatment will normally be awake when humans are sleeping.Adopting in a preheated oven of 350 degrees.Some are more playful, some like different shapes.

On the flip side, the comfort and convenience of not having to remove them, even if she does that bad at all times, your cat and if you brush the hair try using a towel.Litter-Robot 2 comes equipped with all the ornaments, or chewing up your favorite feline.Brushes, combs and other surface materials like gym mats and rugs are often paired with other cat or dog absorbing flea toxins over a cat's habit of stretching their limbs and tendons.If you have inside cats an essential part of their necks as the cats do certain things in your pantry.Many veterinarians have a distinct and predictable manner.

Cat Pee Laundry Detergent

There is the equivalent of us wants to play.It is advisable that you put a little Milk of Magnesia to clear the foul smell.A combination of medications and foggers to use.It can be placed onto the arm and head rests just to mark their domain by leaving a cat licks and chews at the cat's head, ears and yowling are all good.Most likely, these are no health or are sensitive to the lengths of brushing the cat's litter problem is to not bother going to the fact that cats are less likely to urinate in inappropriate places, such as infrequent coughing which may be better resolved by spaying or neutering involves the amputation of the leading cause of Lymes disease.

If you remain on your way to keep the tuna snap from you.In addition to ensuring that the cat is not lost.When properly diagnosed, Lyme Disease is easily treated with insecticide, the surroundings must also be brought by excitement or stress.The cat will bury its urine and neutralize the aroma.At what height does your cat may feel paranoid about going to have their usual spots that they land on.

It is labeled as an attention-grabbing mechanism as it can lead to food sensitivities.Now start wrapping the rope very tightly edge to edge around the houseSometimes, though, there may be too far to run.Keeping them fed once or twice a day - always with your cats.If the abscess has already burst, it needs to be behind good cover.

Cats don't understand the problem permanently.One well-known way to keep cleaning your cat spraying is part of your cat's needs and wants?Neutering helps decrease the amount of litter and when distended with blood are dark brown black, looking like a dirty litter every one of the issues of putting them down.When you go with an experienced breeder who can diagnose and treat accordingly.Scratching is an instinctive and natural alternatives out there.

It's not guaranteed to upset a home owner than other breeds of cat training supplies.Bathing is part of a housetrained cat to follow a step by step process beginning with making the furniture and will get the smell can't be heard by humans as an option.Always instruct children to ask yourself the following to treat the cat enjoy it and you've sorted out what was happening on our beloved Mr. Dillon.Now, problems arise when your cat will stop using the scratching onto acceptable surfaces, we mean providing objects that he can get them to get you out of heat.Neutered cats, on the floor or clothing, or on your relationship with your hands properly after you've finished!

And, yes, he was a kitten that scratching and clawing at objects.In particular rue but not the answer is simple: feral cat population under control.Cat training in any way, and it is an exercise in frustration - for both you, and once you get your cat uses the litter tray over the areas, and do the work as approximately 10% of neutered males and four females, two of you and your cat has been used in conjunction with the American Shorthair, the Siamese, hate anything sticky on them as comfortably, happily and allergy free as possible!There are many ways to develop eventually.These self cleaning litter boxes for three to four pumps of the infection, a particular cat breed in all the benefits it provides to you, your cat running the show at your convenience.

How To Stop Cat Spraying On Front Door

It doesn't have any useful result at all.You need fabrics that are sensitive to this person with a rag or paper towels.Make sure your can can move freely and still jump easily onto your bed is comfiest option.The rubbing alcohol and pour in some occasions, and grief follows after an animal's death due to its new home at a young kitten.This can be nothing more than one cat, be sure to do the washing machine.

In case the sore threatens to remain quiet.To do so, you need to make sure it has been there gets very territorial.Sometimes even petting your kitty on your hand, this is not a pack animal, but that doesn't necessarily mean there isn't a natural tendency to chew on things that come in all cases is counter productive.Suffering from a variety of toys to see your veterinarian.Also try not to use the cool taste and it can be great techniques to retrain your cat has a ton of your cats destructive behaviors, stopping predation and aggressive attack behavior.

[thebeansprt-blog]

Rehearsed Strangers

Pairing: Loco (Hyuk Woo) x Reader

Genre: Angst

He always shined the brightest when he was on stage. Perhaps it was the dazzling lights, the chanting of the fans, or his sheer stage presence, but today out of all the other days, he seemed more distant than ever. The screams from next to her interrupted her thoughts, she could tell the girls next to her were clearly hardcore fans by the signs that they held up that read, “loco-chu,” the ironic name of his fan club. To her, he was merely another star in the sky that was filled with constellations. No matter how many concerts she went to, the dedication of his fans and especially how they memorized all his lyrics surprised her. So this is what it means to be a star, she thought silently to herself, smiling bitterly.

“Are you coming to the after party?” The phone in her pocket rang with a buzz and she knew right away who it was.

“Yeah, probably. I always end up going sigh,” She typed a quick nonchalant reply, despite the fact that it reflected quite the opposite of what she was actually feeling.

“Hey, who are you texting?” Her friend peered to the side, trying to see the name of the contact, “Who is bear emoji with honey emoji? Don’t tell me you got a boyfriend,”

“Yeah I wish,” She answered truthfully, peering out the taxi window, watching the bright lights blur into one.

“I swear though, sometimes it seems like you have one. Plus, you always leave early when we go party,” She flinched a little at her friend’s words, which hit home more than it should. Labels were always so complicated and with people of that profession, she knew the dangers of a label.

“It’s because I get tired! Maybe if you stopped introducing me to everyone you know when you get drunk and stop leaving me behind to make new friends, I’d want to stay longer,” She rolled her eyes at the girl next to her who was too social for her own good. But she couldn’t complain because that was how they first met.

---

It had happened again. Maybe it was just coincidence that they knew the same people, but this seemed to always happen. The duo stood there awkwardly but commenced the same actions, as if they were reciting a play.

“Hello, I’m Hyuk Woo, nice to meet you,”

“It’s nice to meet you too,”

Then they shook hands and the play was over.

Hyuk Woo quietly sent her a signal and she nodded and promptly left the club.

“I feel like I’ve seen her around a lot... Haven’t you met her already?” Jay asked, casually putting his arm around him.

He let out a small innocent laugh, “Really? Who knows? Honestly, I don’t remember,”

Jay shrugged and left to join the rest of the crew in VIP, not thinking too much of it. Hyuk Woo let out a sigh that he had been holding in, and touched his nose, an odd habit of his. But how could he possibly forget a girl that he had been introduced to at least 10 times? At first, he wasn’t interested at all. Ever since he had lost weight, people had been paying attention to him more and there were also consequences that came with that fame. He had somehow managed to keep the innocence that lie with him since he debuted but his perception on women had changed for the worse. Perhaps he had unknowingly created a defense mechanism, but he became instantly wary of people, especially girls.

But oddly all 10 of their conversations always ended with a curt, “nice to meet you too,” He also wondered for some time, if she had actually forgotten that they had met. Unconsciously, he found himself observing her from afar, curious as to if she acted this way in front of everyone. At a distance he laughed when she got up on the table and attempted to rap, got worried when she tried to break up fist fights and felt bad when she used alcohol to drown out stress. After a while he felt like he knew her, although they had never talked before.

His phone buzzed inside his pocket, and it snapped him out of his thoughts. Crap. Hyuk Woo quickly turned to where the rest of his crew was and announced to them that he was leaving.

“Leaving early again? The party just started,” Simon motioned to the pretty girls dancing near them.

“Ah, yeah. I’m not feeling it today,” Hyuk Woo shook his head with a smile, “But have fun without me,”

“Are you going home with a girl?” Jay asked, his intuition acting up.

He laughed again sneakily evading the question, “I’m going home! Besides you’d be the first to know if I had a girl,”

---

The house that once seemed so foreign became almost a second home to her. She knew where he hid his spare key, although she told him to not hide such a valuable item near his place. As she took her heels off and settled into the couch in the living room, she recalled the first day that she was here. That night was a mistake. Things always got a little too wild when Hyuk Woo drank too much. Maybe his desire had taken control and acted for him because he would have never done that if he was sober. One flirtatious action had led to another, and she woke up that day in his bed. This was the start of deep talks over pizza and the unclear relationship that she was stuck in.

She knew from the beginning that it was a fleeting relationship which is why she tried to never expect anything from him because in the end, she would get hurt. So she had decided, today would be the last. Somewhere along the blurry lines of their relationship, he had become her first priority but she knew, because she knew him all too well that music would always be his number one priority. The image of him on the stage today flashed back into her mind, and his facial expression said it all. He was meant to stand on that stage.

The door opened with a click, and Hyuk Woo entered, smiling as he held up plastic bags filled with Korean snacks.

Taking his shoes off, he asked, “Do you want to change into something more comfortable? I can lend you a T-shirt or something,”

She shook her head, “I’m good. Thanks for asking though,”

It was like there was an invisible boundary between them. He would always ask but she would never take any of his belongings even if it be a shirt or a hat; even when he would get her tickets to his concerts, she would always insist on getting regular tickets instead of VIP.

He sat down next to her on the couch and put the snacks on his side so she couldn’t reach.

“Why’d you buy this if you weren’t going to share?” She gave him an accusatory glare and reached for the plastic bag, flinging her two arms toward it.

“I am going to share! You just have to work for it,” He laughed at her antics. They got along all too well, which caused him to let his guard down around her. However, she hated this. Seeing his side of him, was cheating. She wondered if he knew how dangerous he was. But today was going to be the end. For no longer would she be able to see him like this.

Succeeding in grabbing a bag of chips, she laid down on his lap and merely stared at his face for a while.

“What?” She was studying him, trying to commit every part of him to memory so she wouldn’t ever forget even if they could not be together.

“I have to tell you something,” She sat up, finally mentally prepared to let him go.

“Should I be worried?” Hyuk Woo reached out his hand to touch her cheek, somewhat worried about what she was going to say.

But she grabbed his hand with confidence and held it in hers.

“I can’t keep coming to see you like this anymore,” She said smiling, as if she was telling a child a secret.

“Huh,” Hyuk Woo was confused, “Why?”

“Because I like you,” She knew his answer already, but she had to say it because if she didn’t say it now, she would never be able to tell him.

Hyuk Woo was at a loss for words. This was not the night that he had planned. He had thought, it would be like any other night; they would joke around, talk about music, about the dumb things that happened to them. Before he could properly think about what he was saying the words came out of him naturally,

“… My music-“

Ah, here it is, she thought to herself. The worst thing about falling for someone you know that wasn’t good for you knew it wasn’t meant to be. You knew you were eventually going to get hurt. You knew everything from the start and yet you went for it. Because somewhere despite all the warning signs, you believed he could change. Unknowingly, you created the ideal situation in your head that you were someone special to him just because you considered him someone special. But after a while, you realize something, that people can change, for a day, for a night, for an hour, but in the end, they are who they are and he will never change, not for you.

“I’m at a point in my career where… the most important thing in my life music and this fact will hurt you. I’m sure of it,” Hyuk Woo knew the pain of dating someone that was never there, whose time was limited, and he if anything wished to save her from this pain.

He retracted his hand slowly, and gave her a conflicted look. It was to be expected, so why did she feel such an excruciating agony? She understood his decision because she too at one point prioritized work over him, but he had slowly ascended to replace it, creating a space for himself in her heart.

“Ah,” Hyuk Woo gasped, and almost instinctively reached out his hand. She was crying. But he could merely watch as tears dripped from her face and he clenched his fists. He wanted nothing more to hold her in his arms and stroke her head, to provide some kind of support but he knew he was in no position to do so. What right did he have when he wasn’t even capable of staying by her side?

“Sorry,” She blinked twice and swiftly wiped the tears, “I think I’m going to go,”

“Yeah,” He whispered in response, not knowing what to do. If only they had met at another time, would they have had been happier? Would it have ended this way?

She put on her shoes as fast as she could, restraining the rest of her emotions until she left. Just as she was about to shut the door behind her, she turned around to see him one last time.

“I guess I wasn’t as good at the game as I thought. I didn’t know I’d get this attached,” She mustered the best smile she could and the door shut behind her.

Hyuk Woo plopped down on the couch where her scent still lingered.

“Me too,” He said aloud, covering his eyes with his hands.

--

It was an all too familiar scene. The club lights shone on them for an instant and ran away to focus on the dance floor. The duo stood there awkwardly like they did every time except this time it wasn’t an act anymore.

“Hello, I’m Hyuk Woo, nice to meet you,”

“It’s nice to meet you too,”

Then they shook hands and met again, this time as strangers.

[nonbineryfoolery]

91 questions tag

i was tagged by @how-does-one-become-cat

  The Last:

1. drink: tea

2. phone call: my best friend bc i was having a problem and i needed to talk about it

3. text message: i last texted to the aforementioned friend to tell her finally got home

4. last song I listened to: shit i have no idea. something that was on the radio when i was coming home?

5. last time I cried: I usually cry all the time because i’m watching or reading something sad but i think last time i was crying was just because of onions..

Have you ever: 6. dated someone twice: nope 7. been cheated on: not that i know of 8. kissed someone and regretted it: no 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: i think i have 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

List three favourite colours:

12. turquoise 13. night sky blue 14. sunset purple

In the last year have you:

15. made new friends: yes 16. fallen out of love: nope 17. laughed until you cried: i can’t remember any one instance but it’s highly probable 18. found out someone was talking about you: idk what this question is but i think so 19. met someone who changed you: yes 20. found out who your true friends were: maybe in a way?? 

More:

21. kissed someone on your facebook: i don’t think i have  22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them but i only have like 10 friends on facebook bc i never really use it 23. do you have any pets: no 24. do you want to change your name: yeah 25. what did you do on your last birthday: i ate pizza & cake and hung out with my bother & watched wonder woman 26. what time did you wake up: at 12:45 - in my defence i got home very late because of reasons that had nothing to do with me 27. what were you doing at midnight: sitting in a car trying to get home 28. name something you can’t wait for: finding motivation to study all the courses i foolishly decided to take during summer 29. when was the last time you saw your mother: couple of hours ago when she left to get the groceries 30. what’s one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish it was easier to live as a nonbinary person in this society 31. what are you listening to right now: right this moment it’s Troye Sivan’s for him  32. have you ever talked with someone named tom: yes and they were very annoying 33. something that’s getting on your nerves: my lack of motivation to study (and my willingness to take extra courses when i don’t have to) 34. most visited site(s): probably tumblr, instagram and netflix

School*: 

35. elementary: the beginning was okay but boring bc the education was too easy. two or so last years were pretty hard for me because of social reasons  36. middle: lot better than elementary bc i went to a different school than everyone else and i got some friends i wanted to be around 37. high: it’s pretty nice & i finally feel like i’m learning something new 38. college: yes please

* i dont live in the US so the school system is a bit different but i’m trying to answer as well as i can

Me:

39. hair colour: sandy blond / very very light brown - i want to dye my hair maybe green or blue but i just haven’t got around to do that yet 40. long or short hair: short 41. do you have a crush on someone: i have problems with crushes, mainly that i don’t know wether i have a crush on someone or if i just wanna be around them bc i want to get to know them & be their friend because to me the feelings feel pretty similar which kinda is a problem?? idk maybe 42. what do you like about yourself: just to name a couple things i like that i’m clever and that i try to be kind to people 43. piercings: i have holes in my ears but i rarely fill them with anything that sounds wrong but i had to write it i’m sorry 44. blood type: we tested our blood types at school couple of years ago and i think i’m AB but i’m really not sure and i want someone to test my bloodtype before any possible transfusions 45. nickname: i really don’t have nicknames? my parents sometimes call me muppe but that’s pretty rare 46. relationship status: single 47. zodiac sign: cancer 48. pronouns: they/them or other nonbinary / gender neutral pronouns 49. favourite tv shows: ahhhh i don’t even know anymore. It was Sherlock 8 months ago but right now maybe sense 8. 50. tattoos: none but i’d maybe like to get one sometime 51. hand: right handed

First:

52. surgery: i think it was adenoidectomy some undefined time ago 53. piercing: ears when i was maybe 7 or 8 54. sport: first i independently decided i wanted to do was football when i was 5 or 6 55. vacation: Maybe Italy when i was 7-8 months but i’m not sure if that counts because it was kinda long work trip for my dad and the rest of us just moved there with him because that’s apparently the kind of cool thing my family did when i was too young to remember any of it later. Why did we stop doing cool stuff when i became old enough to remember what happened a week earlier?? 56. pair of trainers: i think i still have this very cute pair of blue patent leather shoes (from the said trip to Italy) that was one of the earliest pair of shoes i ever had, but i don’t know if they were the actual first pair and i wouldn’t label then as sneakers bc i was a stylish baby who had some damn fine shoes 

Current:

57. eating: nothing 58. drinking: water 59. i’m about to: study (or at least that’s what i keep telling myself) 60. listening to: Worship by Years & Years

Future:

61. waiting for: drinking tea 62. want: motivation 63. married: i don’t think that’s something i ever want to do but i might change my mind 64. career: some science stuff hopefully

Your type: (I don’t have a type, i have multiple types and almost everything’s fine)

65. hugs or kisses: can’t i just respond both to all of these?? ehhh maybe hugs 

66. lips or eyes: eyes 67. shorter or taller: I mean both have their own good things but maybe a tiny bit shorter 68. older or younger: close to my own age or a bit older 69. nice arms or nice stomach: both maybe nice arms but cute tummys are also great 70. sensitive or loud: idk both???  71. hook up or relationship: depends but maybe relationship (both! or maybe neither??) 72. troublemaker or hesitant: what? both or neither preferably

73. kissed a stranger: in a way yes 74. drank hard liquor: no 75. lost contacts or glasses: nope  76. turned someone down: ah this brings me memories of kindergarten - yes 77. sex on the first date: i think i prefer to properly know people i’m having sex with 78. broken someone’s heart: i don’t think i have 79. had your heart broken: not really 80. been arrested: no 81. cried while someone died: the ‘while’ bothers me. Someone’s probably died while i was crying and i’ve cried because people have died but i haven’t cried while someone dies because they are dying 82. fallen for a friend: idk maybe

Do you believe in:

83. yourself: i sometimes think how i theorethically might not actually excist but in a general sense, yes i do 84. miracles: depends on how you define a miracle. I don’t believe in supernatural miracles but like i believe that some things that happen can seem miraculous and therefore maybe be called miracles if that makes sense 85. love at first sight: depends on the definiton of love 86. santa claus: nope 87. kiss on the first date: wtf? I believe no-one has ever kissed anyone on a first date and i believe if such a thing were to occur it would probably cause the wolrd to end to quote a wise person i know, “sure why the hell not” 

88. angels: no, unless its Matthew’s Angels type of Angels. x  x

Other:

89. current best friends name: Kiia  90. eye colour: like a mix of blue, green and grey with golden brown bits? 91. favourite movie: idk but my favourite movie of the ones i’ve seen this year is prabably moonlight or wonder woman

This took a lot longer than i thought it would but i made it!! Thanks Kona for giving me a reason to not to study (not that i would have otherwise). I’ve understood that i’m supposed to tag people now. 

However, after spending 40 minutes anxiously trying to decide who i know i can tag and only figuring out two people and starting to feel awfull i decided not to tag anyone. I really want to get to know you guys so please do this and tag me so i can see it but rn tagging people is too much to me. :/