#THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE STORY WAS SO GOOD
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Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girl found dead in a hidden room.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan xichen#jin guangyao#jiang cheng#wei wuxian#qin su#EDIT: Tumblr published an earlier draft with only half the notes I wrote so: late entry on my JGY thoughts.#Unlike the mystic powers of the stockmarket (what the OG meme is referring to) I think this situation calls for more active investigation.#qin su is such a deeply tragic character to me and I really wish we got a bit more from her.#Love everyone who sent me messages about her after the last time she appeared.#I think she needs a spin off of her being a transmigrator SO badly.#MDZS has so many interesting characters - but it sometimes fails to give them the proper room to really develop past a role in the plot.#That's just the consequence of writing a story like MDZS. Not every character in a book *needs* to have a rich inner life and backstory!#To do so would bog down the story and obliterate any notion of pacing. It's just not possible.#Jin Guangyao (nee Meng Yao) is unfortunately not free from this leeway rule. He is the culprit of this murder mystery plot#and thus NEEDS to encapsulate the themes of the book. And personally he's a 7 out of 10 at best on this front (in the AD).#MDZS is about rumours twisting reality and working towards truth. And about how people & situations are rarely ever black & white#JGY has his motivations. He's well written in regards to his actions making sense for his character.#What started as good traits (drive to succeed & improve his image) became twisted over time (do anything to maintain his image)#and it's a good parallel to WWX! He has the same arc (with different traits)! Bonus points for IGY in that regard.#but man....by the time we confront this guy for murder there's not a lot of grey morality. He's just...deep in the hole *he* dug.#There's a beautiful tragedy to it! More on JGY in later comics - this is getting pretty long already!
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One of the strongest points of Mass Effect, if not the strongest, is just how well written the characters are. From Shepard, to the squad, to the side characters like Anderson and Bakara, to barely-there NPCs like Ereba and Charr the lovers, Etarn Tiro the enthusiastic turian merchant, Kargesh the krogan who wanted a fish, Lia'Vael, the quarian who gets falsely accused of theft, and the Salarian who wants to buy a memento to his asari lover to remember him by once he's dead.
I feel like so many of them are memorable, and they all serve a purpose to the overall world building. The krogan show that they are not the violent thugs the galaxy has made them out to be. The salarian shows the struggle born out of building relationships with people of a species with a life expectancy so beyond your own. Lia'Vael illustrates what Tali says about the quarians being treated like second class citizens. Those small little side quests have a meaning and a purpose, it doesnt feel like they are Just There, and they add more to the lore of them game to those who care about that stuff.
#Romance is an exception- I am 100% an outlier here but most of them are hmm. not quite as developed as they could#Most shippy feelings I've acquired are more like headcanons based off the stuff that happens in canon#Than canon things that happen during the game (but MAYBE it's because femshep can't romance talizorah)#That's just my opinion though lol and I don't think it makes the game bad. I think it's logical#You can't make space for too many branches based off romance or it'd be madness#So to keep the story more or less linear they have to be independent of the story by default#Mass effect#Mass effect liveblog#Txt#Of course I'm sure there are exceptions. And contradictions (ahem samara being the mother of all ardat yakshi)#But overall and taking into account just how many there are it's pretty good
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I love how a well-written romance is so often structured as a mystery. A person starts with a certain idea about another person, and over the course of the story, they uncover more evidence that gives them a fuller picture of who the other person truly is. They learn about layers to the personality and backstory that give the other person more depth. They learn how the other person's personality meshes with theirs. Even the third-act misunderstanding fits the mystery structure--it looks like they've uncovered the final secret to the other person's identity, which is that they're not the worthy person they seemed to be, but then discover that they misinterpreted that evidence, or the other person takes steps to apologize and repair the level of trust. When the mystery is resolved, they've reached a full understanding of each other and know they've found a partner they can trust their whole future to.
#also comedy works along a mystery structure#so a romantic comedy is like a double mystery#two different types of mystery clashing with each other and causing hilarity before the truth is finally revealed#if nothing else this batb diversion will spark some interesting romance thoughts#this came to me because i've been slowly rereading beth brower's 'the q'#and i just hit the scene where quincey gets to observe arch outside of work for the first time#just a lovely moment of revelation#and i think that's the one thing that story does really well#and the author in general is very good at applying this mystery dynamic to all her character dynamics whether romantic or platonic#i rarely find myself able to believe in the strength of her characters' bonds that are supposed to exist before the story started#but the developing relationships are so good because of this endless uncovering of mysteries deepening the bonds in a very compelling way#adventures in writing
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Imagine A flying scene with grown up Alcor and Oscar (Remember Adeona? "Little" flying dog or Marmors) Imagine like something happens and Oscars abandons Adeona or Alcor snatches him from it
#Sculptor#*cough* Sorry reflects#Just thinking that would have been so cool... Like Marmors have these suits to fly#I still imagine in my head a bad plot if Alcor doesn't fir to their society and they basically try to get him away or kill so he steals the#suit and snatches Oscar and Ecliptica looks at them flying away and stops other from flying after them#Gah this story actually have so many ways to develop with the fact that characters are not stupid and have their own opinions and ways of#interacting#Help good luck to Cass with all this disaster WHEEEEEEZE
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*sigh* thoughts on Nintendo's botw/totk timeline shenanigans and tomfoolery?
tbh. my maybe-unpopular opinion is that the timeline is only important when a game's place on the timeline seriously informs the way their narrative progresses. the problem is that before botw we almost NEVER got games where it didn't matter. it matters for skyward sword because it's the beginning, and it matters for tp/ww/alttp (and their respective sequels) because the choices the hero of time makes explicitly inform the narrative of those games in one way or another. it matters which timeline we're in for those games because these cycles we're seeing are close enough to oot's cycle that they're still feeling the effects of his choices. botw, however, takes place at minimum 10 thousand years after oot, so its place on the timeline actually functionally means nothing. botw is completely divorced from the hero of time & his story, so what he does is a nonissue in the context of botw link and zelda's story. thus, which timeline botw happens in is a nonissue. honestly I kind of liked the idea that it happened in all of them. i think there's a cool idea of inevitability that can be played with there. but the point is that the timeline exists to enhance and fill in the lore of games that need it, and botw/totk don't really need it because the devs finally realized they could make a game without the hero of time in it.
#i really do have a love-hate relationship with this timeline#because it's FASCINATING lore. genuinely. and i think it carries over the themes of certain games REALLY well#but i also think it's indicative of a trend in loz's writing that has REALLY annoyed me for a long time#which is this intense need to cling to oot#and on a certain level i get it. that was your most successful game probably ever. and it was an AMAZING game.#and i think there's definitely some corporate profit maximization tied up in this too--oot was an insane commercial success therefore you'r#not allowed to make new games we need you to just remake oot forever and ever#and that really annoys me because it makes certain games feel disjointed at best and barely-coherent at worst.#i think the best zelda games on the market are the ones where the devs were allowed to really push what they were working with#oot. majora. botw. hell i'd even put minish cap in there#these are games that don't quite follow what was the standard zelda gameplay at their time of release. they were experimental in some way#whether that be with graphics or puzzle mechanics or open-world or the gameplay premise in its entirety. there's something NEW there#and because the devs of those games were given that level of freedom the gameplay really enforces the narrative. everything feels complete#and designed to work together. as opposed to gameplay that feels disjointed or fights against story beats. you know??#so I think that the willingness to allow botw and totk to exist independently from the timeline is good at the very least from a developmen#standpoint because it implies a willingness to. stop making shitty oot remakes and let developers do something interesting.#and yes i do very much fear that the next 20 years of zelda will be shitty BOTW remakes now#in which botw link appears and undergoes the most insane character assassination youve ever seen in your life#but im trying to be optimistic here. if botw/totk can exist outside the timeline then we may no longer be stuck in the remake death loop#and i'm taking eow as a good sign (so far) that we're out of the death loop!! because that game looks NOTHING like botw or oot.#fingers crossed!!#anyway sorry for the game dev rant but tldr timeline good except when it's bad#asks#zelda analysis
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I rarely make tumblr posts, but I am so infuriated by this situation I need to say something about it.
Five Hargreeves, who spent 45 years alone in a post-apocalyptic world, and every single moment of his life since was spent trying to get back to his family. The Five who ran himself dry for 2 weeks straight trying to stop the end of the world, and reunite his family. The Five who slaughtered an entire board of directors just to ensure him family's safety. Who turned back time himself, while bleeding out on the floor, just to save his siblings. You're telling me, that the Five whose entire motivation for living was once saving his family, is the same Five, who in s4 has entirely given up, and in the Subway is the one trying to convince Lila to stop looking after 6 and a half years? The Five who never once stopped trying to return to his family in all 45 years of surviving alone, decides to settle down in a greenhouse and live out a cottagecore life?
Furthermore, the same Five who told Lila that Diego loved her, who reassured his brother that his wife wasn't cheating on him and loved him dearly, the same Five who got on with Lila only due to the fact that they both cared for and loved Diego, the person they had in common, is the same Five who stole his brother's wife, whom he had three children with, just because the writers were excited that Aidan Gallagher was finally legal?
Five who hated authority, who despised when people gave him commands, who wanted nothing more than to retire in s3, is now working for the CIA and willingly calling his boss, 'sir'?
Five who used to be so paranoid and suspicious of everyone and everything, who used to solve problems alone and came to epiphanies that saved the world, who didn't even trust a past version of himself, also didn't realise that his boss of many years had an umbrella tattooed on his wrist?
Everything that once stood out about his character is now gone, as if the writers themselves entirely forgot about his existence until the last moment, and added him in as an afterthought, without thinking of the effect he would have on the story.
#Diego's “You’re a good brother” near the beginning of s4 directly paralled Klaus' “You’re a good brother”#which showed that Five cared about his family more than anything in the world#which he constantly showed through his actions in the story#only for him not to care anymore? and become a homewrecker#Lila and Five were my two favourite characters only for them to boil down to nothing#Lila and Five always interacted in such a brother/sister way#and they spent so much of s2 and s3 building up that the idea of them dating is so bizarre#Lila and Five's roasts towards each other were some of my favourite parts of the seried#only for it to be soured because of the s4 developments#i have so many more issues with this season but I had to focus on this one#the umbrella academy#tua s4#tua#tua spoilers#the umbrella academy s4#five hargreeves#diego hargreeves#lila pitts#im so sad#tua season 4#they wanted five to have a romance and yet completely forgot about Dolores
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I watched Blue eye samurai, so some mizu doodles today
#blue eye samurai#mizu#mizu blue eye samurai#blue eye samurai fanart#never had so much gender envy over one person#the character development and nuance of story is so good and unparalleled
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Still, will this pain ever go away?
Transcript:
[Following the investigation update, I wanted to vent to Nancy. But I stopped when I saw her mum] Janessa: Sweetie [face full of uncertainty] Where are you going? Nancy: Oh! I'm just going to see Vincent for a bit. I'll be back by the evening.
George: [storms out of the house] No you can't. Stay away from him. Nancy: Daddy…why would I do that? George: Vincent will bring danger into your life.
Janessa: We've not heard good things about his father. There are online rumours and all the neighbours gossip about who he is. We looked up the case and Nancy, you're putting yourself in danger being with him. Nancy: What does his dad have to do with us being togethe-… [sees her dad's face and stops]
George: [gets riled up] You can't be with him ok? Your safety is the most important thing to us [softens a bit] Sometimes you have to sacrifice your safety, there are many other people out there- Nancy: B-But what about my happiness? He makes me happy and doesn't that mean-
George: Nancy. Go back inside. I don't want to hear anymore. Nancy: Let me explain [starts crying up the staircase due to frustration] you don't know anything about him! [I sat there with my shoulders slumped feeling like the world was becoming my enemy]
[It was a curse for me to have him as my father: he was just too powerful. Even with him out of my life, his presence still loomed over me as if he was dictating my fate. I turned on my phone to message Nancy]
Nancy: [calls Vincent] Later. At midnight. I'm not changing my mind. Vincent: Nancy don't. I'm going back home, it's for the best. Nancy: [begs him] No please don't go. Stay right there, I'm coming for you now.
[I don't know what changed my mind, but I just wanted to escape for a little while] Nancy: They'll just ground me or take my phone away. They can't stop me from being with you. Vincent: [grabs hand] Let's go then.
#ts4#sims 4#ts4 gameplay#ts4 legacy#ts4 story#postcard legacy#postcard gen 3#story: scars#vincent kingsley#nancy montford#janessa montford#george montford#plc x tjolc#vincent thats not a good idea...#it just makes things worse#hes being so impulsive because of love 🫣 please dont get caught!!!!#but its painful for him to hear. things were going so well then this#from my pov: they are not meant to be her parents dont approve (i dont approve) 🗣 VINCENT YOU WILL MEET RENEE!!!#this is hard because it may be true that being with him is dangerous#the case isnt solved (in present too)#there is so much uncertainty#but we will get there with ppl like renee isaac and new developments
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forgotten playthings, forgotten child 🧸
Jack from my series Lost & Found Children 🤍🖤
i hope to showcase more of my ocs in 2024 hehe! im FINALLY getting around to finishing art i left to rot in my folders (the pandora hearts drawing last month being one of em). if you saw the WIP of THIS particular drawing 2 yrs ago... no you didn’t 💔
my charas are very personal to me, but tbh ive always been a bit hesitant to share their stories. over time i realized ... it’s kind of a shame to not make art from one’s heart. which is something i regret a lot year after year whenever i make my yearly art summary reflection. i'm like damn i need to make more emotionally evoking pieces!!! so i'm gonna keep going in 2024 with that in mind ❤ i have to admit, although this drawing started 2 years ago, and there's a lot i would do differently if i were to supposedly draw it now - this concept goes pretty hard.
the final drawing stayed pretty close to the original concept which im so relieved for! i think part of the reason why i left it on the backburner for so long, was the fact that i included so many details, and i was unsure of how to colour the "background". (not to mention stuff like cons & real life getting in the way).
i'm glad for discovering a really handy watercolour brush, it's helped me a lot in my last few drawings, bc i dont have to colour in each detail. especially since the witch hat atelier: eternal ephemera zine piece i did. otherwise if i coloured this back in 2022 with my usual method, i'm pretty sure i really would have included a shading and highlight layer for each individual toy... HAHAHA. much to think about
oh yeah and in the last few days of drawing this i was listening to some visual kei bands. i love how some of the band members literally have been performing since like the 90s or something and DO NOT AGE and are literal vampires. every so often i fall back into visual kei (you can tangentially thank aggretsuko although yes i know it's not the same). and i kind of realized. i like Jack's edgy design so much because he looks like. a visual kei esque vampire.
#illustration#artists on tumblr#original#original character#my ocs#jack#i will post more on my ocs eventually... slowly.. this coming year#2024 will be the year of the oc..... definitely want to lean into developing my stories & charas & gothic aesthetic a lot more hehe#leaning into like. whatever late 2000s manga had going on with their dark aesthetics - pandora hearts. black butler. d gray man etc#those mangaka were drinking some good shit. permanently altered my little teenage brain forever#i also managed to record a timelapse of this drawing#but my computer cant handle timelapses on csp so i had to like. save this drawing in different parts#so ill have to stitch together the timelapse videos#sorry. got rid of the closeup bc it didn't look that great#ill post it in the read more later#lost and found children
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Mha chapter 429 Spoilers! Deku hugging ochaku mirrors exactly ochako's hug when Deku's 'heart' went out of control back all those chapters ago. In both cases, both their hearts were out of control because of someone else. Izuku because of Katsuki and Ochako because of Toga. Again, they're mirrors. They've been mirroring each other for a long time. Izuku knew exactly what to say, because he literally understands. He really does. Now, I absolutely loved the tenderness of the scene. The 'hey, you can let the ugliness out, I'm here, it's okay. You can let it out." Izuku has been dealing with his own closed-off heart for a long time, and we still haven't seen HIM open up properly. I'm not sure how the manga will handle it, IF it will. But it feels like there's something missing, for Izuku's character to round up. I vote for Deku vs Kacchan 3, a reversed of 'The only one that can accept Kacchan's feelings is me'
#bakudeku#togachako#somehow they made it gay#im not downplaying the moment between deku and uraraka btw#theyre great and tbh as they are? they're a wonderful pair. Theyre great friends and that's every good relationship's bones#im also self indulgent as fuck and have been a fan of the whole bkdk slow SLOW uphill slope development so Im also rooting for them#but tbh bnha was never about the romance. its a story of heroes. in many ways and forms. And I loved how hopeful this last chapter was. The#The breaking of cycles despite the ugliness of it#im very happy. its such a hopeful ending. no fights. no big..something. I fucking loved it#Im a sucker for 'this is just the beginning' at the very end of stories#fuck#uraraka ochako#izuku midoriya#katsuki bakugou#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#mha leaks#bnha leaks#boku no hero spoilers
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you are so lucky to not have watched s4-8
people always ask me 'katie why did you only watch half of voltron??' and i'm just like guys i thought we all agreed that voltron was not a very good show 💀
#so like why would i spend time watching something not very good LMAO#ask#anonymous#actually i was wrong i did watch season 4 and parts of season 5 and season 6#but i had to stop because the lotor plotline was pissing me off too much#if they had kept zarkon alive as the primary antagonist and made lotor a reluctant ally to the team then i would have liked that a lot more#but the whole... lotor becomes emperor and then voltron allies with the new galra empire plotline was just sooo bogus to me like#it was such a shallow way to resolve the voltron vs galra empire story#also i hated the plotline where keith leaves the team mainly because i think the bom are also very boring#i really do think the idea of allura and lotor being the inheritors of altean alchemy is a compelling idea but the way they executed it...#finally i strongly dislike all the random forced timeskips. it just felt like the writers would use a timeskip#whenever they wanted to force a plot development offscreen that they didn't want to devote time to in the story#at the end of the day idgaf about ships i care about the story and character arcs. and i liked nothing LOL
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"They were never really that close pre-death" "Dick was mean to Jason before warming up" etc etc are the worst Dick&Jason takes possible. Why would you even say that about them
#my dc posting#jason todd#dick grayson#robin#jaybin#discowing#<- bc its abt that time period#my favourite interpretation of them is well. they were the og batsiblings. the first ones to meet n develop that bond out of all of them#they went from strangers to friends to brothers in my mind. but dc is stupid and wont give me that#and fandom is dumb bc they keep pulling this shit of dick having misplaced his anger towards jason or being cold towards him and its like#why would you write that. like in my personal opinion its literally just not good??#like straight up its just a bad decision for their relationship#the point that makes jason's death so sad is that he was loved. he was happy. its what makes it a fucking tragedy#but noooo dick was horrible to jason. source? uhh trust me bro. are there any benefits or point to this being in the story? uhhhh well uh#(no no there arent)#it adds nothinggggg of value its such a bad take i hate ittt#give me jaybin & dick being brothers or give me death#n im not saying i want them to have been perfect or non complicated or anything but just. this slander wears at me ._.
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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Simulanka fed us so well that was great....a W for the scara fans especially. The parallelism with Durin linking important pieces of the lore together while creating a heartwarming storyline with a solid message made for a pretty worthwhile investment.
The crumbs regarding Scaramouche's personal feelings and his lingering scars and insecurities, the subtle hints towards future plots that remain unresolved, and Scara's character development as overseen by traveler and Paimon were satisfying. Moments like when the traveler silently gave him a VERY loaded look after someone mentioned the hero of simulanka, and his snide and dodgy responses, his awkwardness and avoidance and Traveler's giddyness, absolutely sent me lol. The idea of making Scara act kinder to himself via extending kindness to his thematic match is pretty good, and having Durin put more words to the pain they share was nice. Scara is a refreshing hero to follow because he's self-aware and is more savvy than the other characters, so he comes off grounded and easy to empathize with in a more profound sense and he cuts through the bullshit and gets to the heart of things efficiently. I think it's cool and good writing that Scara was the hero of Simulanka because of his strong sense of compassion, one willing to show bravery in following that big heart of his. Coming immediately after the Sumeru archon all I can say is that his characterization is solid and very consistent. Plus, he's very fun when he's being mean, and while he shows that he knows what to do in his self-aware state of villain redemption limbo, he still acts in ways that make Paimon yell at him LOL.
Plus seeing scaramouche get flustered and angry because he's acting nice was like, crack cocaine, so.
It was very nice to see Navia and Nilou and Kirara as well. Surprisingly enough, this ragtag group of people worked well together. In my opinion, Kirara's presence was the weakest, but the Narrator Footnotes story was very, very fun to play through with the 4th wall breaking stuff and bright sense of humor. The themes in this event were rather interesting and heavily pandered towards some theories I've held about Teyvat its lore. I'm still confused about a lot of the lore drops so I gotta check out what the theorycrafters and meta posters are cooking up about this event. Nilou's chapter felt the weakest but she as a character came off pleasant still. Navia was gorgeous and I took a hundred screenshots wherever she was on screen.
That's about it for my thoughts I guess.
#genshin impact#genshin wanderer#scaramouche#simulanka#genshin simulanka#genshin impact 4.8#summertime scales and tales#finally finished. I'm so late lol but I got back into genshin in the middle of the event and I had to do all of Sumeru first so-#that I get to experience Scaramouche's character development linearly lol. it payed off because I made up my mind that he's a#pretty good character after I played through his story properly and refreshed my memory on what we know of him from the Inazuma patches.#I was never a huge fan nor payed much attention to him at the time.#now on to fontaine lol (after this kaeya centric chapter of the archon quest(?))#genshin
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🤍🌷 @stevesbipanic and @the-winged-doe asked to see ugly unpolished unrefined words, soo—
cw & tags: past major character death, grief, attempted time-travel fix-it(s), eddie&robin besties || potential wip
Eddie takes a long drag of his cigarette, the biting hot smoke hitting the back of his throat and clawing its way into his lungs, going as deep as he allows and leaving a permanent mark that brings neither relief nor calmness tonight. His fingers shake where they’re pressed to his lips, but the rest of him is unmoving where he sits on the front porch of their new trailer.
It’s quiet out here. It’s always quiet in Hawkins these days, the city a fucking ghosttown.
And he knows it’s not because of the one they lost. He knows it’s not because of him. But still the emptiness is stark and the silence oppressivem more so than it ever has been.
Everyone still looks for him, months later. Dustin still begins to speak, cutting himself off mid-sentence, and Robin still stands with enough space to either side, like she expects him to just show up and invade her space like the home he made for himself in there.
And somewhere among all that is Eddie. With his very own history. Or, non-history, as it turns out. But history and non-history leave wounds alike, and the memories feel just as real. A small mercy, at the end of the day, for them to feel real when they’re all he has left anymore.
He takes another drag, not quite exhaling before he obliterates the cigarette and fishes for a new one before the butt even hits the ground.
Fumbling with the lighter in his pocket, he only gets as far as placing the butt between his lips before a hand snakes into his field of vision to snag it from his mouth.
“Hey,” he complains halfheartedly but makes no attempt at getting it back, watching instead as Robin comes up to sit beside him, grimacing at the stink of tobacco that must be heavy around him.
“You’re disgusting,” she says with no real heat behind her words.
Eddie shrugs, because yeah, sure. He’s been called worse things. Robin’s called him worse things. This is her being nice. Her complaininig about his incessant smoking is nothing new. What is new is what she does next, placing the cigarette between her own lips and reaching for the light he’s been holding in a loose grip since she arrived.
She starts coughing immediately, pulling a face at the disgusting feeling of smoke in her lungs and tobacco on her tongue. But she keeps going. Eddie can only watch in surprise and mild horror.
“These things’ll kill you,” he says then in an echo of her usual sentiment, aware that he sounds as bewildered as he feels.
“Well,” Robin says, aiming for casual, but quickly interrupted by a wheeze and a cough that’s almost adorable. “Let them try.”
Eddie huffs, a pale little smile lingering on his lips as he leans back against the stairs behind him, resting his weight on his forearm to watch her. There is something captivating about her. Eddie always wonders what it is, wants to study her forever.
Maybe it’s only the lingering traces of Everything Steve Harrington that clings to her every breath, her every move, her every fucking cell, with how much he was a part of her and she of him. Maybe it’s their shared grief that has made Eddie fall a bit in love with her and with the way the moonlight catches in her hair and in the smoke wafting from her cigarette.
But somehow he refuses to believe that all he loves about her is merely the memory of Steve.
Robin, in turn, is kind enough to let him stare. Kind enough to let him find out what it is between them. If this friendship is more than a misguided projection of grief and mourning and trauma; more than co-dependence and the obsessive will to keep this one person in your life. This one person who understands.
After a while of Robin just holding the cigarette between her fingers, becuase no matter how strong her will to self destruct, she never quite got it right with the smoking, Eddie snatches it back before it goes to waste completely. As if pulled in by a string attached to his hollowed out chest, Robin leans back and into him in one smooth motion. It’s too calculated, though, and Eddie can feel how much she sags once she doesn’t have to hold herself up anymore.
He’ll hold her. It’s fine. She gets to rest if she wants to. God knows she needs it.
The night is warm for mid-September, but still Robin shakes against him. Eddie holds her closer.
Silence settles over them, and it’s not an easy one. Silence is never easy anymore, especially with them. He feels so deeply hollow that even the silence echoes in there, creating an ever-present, uncomfortable thrumming of apprehension and anxiety within him. A certain sense of doom, one that can’t quite decide if it’s only an echo itself.
“I wanna stop time,” Robin says at last, the cigarette long dead between Eddie’s fingers, but he somehow can’t bring himself to flick it away. “I don’t want tomorrow.”
I don’t ever want a new day. I don’t ever want another tomorrow. I just want Steve.
They ring in his head still, another echo that only hollows him out further every time it reaches him — Robin, overcome with hysterical grief, screaming and crying, curled up on that hospital floor, her cries quieting down and making Eddie wish she would be loud again, because the quiet was what killed him. The quiet, the whispered words, the declarations that tomorrow could go fuck itself if it came without Steve made him wish, irrationally, desperately, that their roles were reversed. That he could have died and Steve could have lived, and Robin would never have to wish tomorrow never came.
He’s not entirely sure if she remembers the words, too. If she even said them in this world.
So he takes a deep breath, breathes away memories and non-histories, feels the heavy weight of his guitar pick hanging around his neck, resting on the scarred flesh of his chest, and tries not to think of the one string left on his acoustic guitar. Tries not to think of his one last attempt. One last try.
“I know,” he tells her. “Me neither.”
He peers over her head, lifting his left wrist to check his watch. Ten minutes until midnight. Ten minutes until Steve’s birthday.
“It’s not tomorrow yet,” he tries lamely, and Robin huffs — the sound wet and bitter and hopeless, making Eddie’s eyes sting.
“It’s always fucking tomorrow,” she rasps, her voice flat and wavering, and Eddie knows her well enough to know she’s about to cry. And she knows him well enough to do it.
“I know,” he says again, and reaches for his necklace through his shirt. One more attempt. One more try. One more chance. His eyes burn.
She turns to him after taking a moment to compose herself, peering up at him through her lashes.
“Tell me again?”
His heart falls, the tense apprehension vanishing from the air, bur quickly replaced by something a lot more heavy. Something that looks and smells and feels like grief.
They both know he’ll do anything she asks. He can’t really bear saying not to her. And not about this, anyway — she’s the only one who knows.
She’s the one who should have had the chance.
“Which part?” he asks, holding a new cigarette out for her to light it. She does, and the both follow the flame of the lighter Robin always keeps in her pocket these days.
She leans forward and takes a drag. Eddie lets her.
“All of them.“
Eddie sighs, pain welling up inside him, and he closes his eyes against the night sky. “Robbie,” he pleads, but he doesn’t finish his plea. He’ll do it. He’ll do anything she asks.
But before he starts recounting the tales of how he almost saved Steve Harrington, he finds himself saying something he never thought he’d tell her.
“There’s one more.” The words hang in the air, and Robin doesn’t react. Has no idea what’s coming; what he’s about to tell her. The guitar pick is heavy on the necklace around his throat. “There’s one more try. One more chance. I’m… I have one more—“
He can’t even finish the sentence. Can’t bring himself to say it, lest it all be jinxed forever. He doesn’t want to hope. Wants to carry this weight for all eternity and never think about all those times he failed to save someone he was never meant to save at all. People like Eddie, they’re not made to save anyone. Hell, they can’t even save themselves.
Steve was supposed to be the one doing the saving.
And he did. God, he fucking did. But he was never supposed to—
Cold fingers wrap around his own as Robin fits their hands together.
“I hate you a little bit for telling me.”
Eddie nods, trying to focus on the cold hand and the nicotine in his lungs, trying not to let panic and grief and guilt and the heavy weight of one more chance win. “I know.”
“Hey, Eddie?” Robin says after a while, the silence stretching on, and it’s almost midnight now. “Can you— Would you do something for me?”
He turns his head, flicking the butt of his cigarette out into the darkness beyond them. “What’s that?”
“Don’t— Don’t try to, to save him. Don’t— Just… Just maybe, could you celebrate his birthday with him? Make sure he knows he’s… God, make sure he knows he’s loved? Last year, no one really made time on his birthday and we just moved it backwards but God, could you— It’s almost midnight, and—“
“Robbie,” Eddie interrupts her, his voice hoarse and wavering, his eyes burning with tears as he tugs her close and holds her to his chest. “You should go. Don’t you wanna…”
But she’s shaking her head against him with a vehemence that can hardly be misunderstood.
“No,” she cries, and it’s more of a sob than anything. “I think if I ever saw him again, I’d… I don’t know what I’d do. Burn the whole fucking world to the ground for him or some shit, I can’t— I’d probably just cry all the time and that wouldn’t be helpful, really.” There’s a weak, wet laugh that bubbles out of both of them, and Eddie’s wiping at Robin’s face, drying the tears and making way for new ones to fall.
“I’d light a fire for you,” Eddie says, the same weak smile on his lips that Robin meets him with now. “Nineteen fucking fires, you hear me?”
She laughs again, then buries her face in his neck in a way that never quite fit. In a way that Eddie always knew was supposed to be someone else’s neck.
But he’s not here anymore. And Eddie can’t get him back. No matter how much he aches for it, no matter how much he learned over and over and over again how easy it is to love Steve Harrington and how hard, how fucking impossible it is to lose him. Over and over and over again.
And to live without him. This one fucking time they all get. It’s not fair.
And now Robin is asking him to go back one more time and make sure that Steve knows— That he knows.
Somehow the thought of that feels nobler than any attempt to save him, to bring him back; to rewrite history from a lonely boy’s perspective and hope that no one else is reading along.
It feels right, too. Fundamentally and suddenly, and with such an intensity that Eddie knows the decision has been made the second he started telling her.
Still he hesitates. Robin’s sobs have calmed down, and Eddie’s hand finds its way into her hair.
“Do you really mean it?”
She nods.
He nods, too, but slower. Like he’s trying to sway himself. Which way, he doesn’t know.
“Make him happy.”
“Okay,” he decides after a while, feeling hollow and desperate, but feeling purpose burning underneath his skin again. “One last time.”
He unwinds his arms from around her and heads inside to grab his acoustic guitar. The last remaining string, badly untuned because he never dared to touch it, stares back at him in both mockery and invitation. A dare. A chance. A promise.
Outside, Robin is waiting for him, looking anxious. Eddie wants to hug her. He doesn’t, only tightens his grip around the guitar’s neck.
“Listen, Eddie, if this is goodbye or something—“
“It’s a birthday party, Robsie,” he interrupts her, aiming for light, aiming for brave. “I’m coming back right here.”
“I know,” she rushes to say, taking a step toward him and wringing her hands. It’s endearing. It’s genuine. Eddie really is a little in love with her. “But, y’know, you don’t mess with time, and I don’t know what all you already changed before and I don’t wanna know but… If this is goodbye, if something happens, I just wanna tell you that I’m gonna miss you. And that I think you’re really cool. And that Steve’s— he’s really missing out, okay. Okay?”
Eddie breathes, taking in her words and letting them soak into his body, his every last fibre.
“Okay,” he smiles. “Thank you. You’re… I’m kind of in love with you, Robin Buckley. So there had better be no change in the universe, ‘cause that would really suck.”
They smile at each other, Eddie with his guitar and Robin with her lighter, and somehow this feels like a deja-vu. The antithesis to a moment forever burned into his memory.
Make him pay.
Make him happy.
Eddie tugs on his necklace and plays the string before he can think about it too hard; before he can decide otherwise.
Distantly, he hears the church bells announcing midnight as the world around him fades.
🤍 permanent tag list gang: @skiddit @inklessletter @aringofsalt @hellion-child @cryptic-cryptid @hotluncheddie @gutterflower77 @auroraplume @steddieonbigboy @n0-1-important @stevesjockstrap @puppy-steve @izzy2210 @itsall-taken @mangoinacan13 @madigoround @pukner @i-amthepizzaman @swimmingbirdrunningrock @hammity-hammer @stevesbipanic @bitchysunflower @estrellami-1 @goodolefashionedloverboi @awkwardgravity1 @devondespresso @bookworm0690 (lmk if you want on or off, for this story or permanently)
#steddie#steddie fic#eddie & robin#eddie munson#robin buckley#robin and eddie are grieving besties now#me writing another story about death and the inability to grieve?? it’s more likely than you think#this one probably doesn’t make sense yet because they’re both refusing to think about what’s real or think about anything at all#so past present and future need time to develop above the damaged psyche of two entirely too young adults#so bear with me and give us time#anyway i’m posting this despite its unpolished ugliness bc this is as good as it gets#if i were anything like my self this would be a 7k study but as it turns out writing about grief is exhausting#(hi taglist gang i hope it was okay to tag you for entirely too raw a draft for anyone to lay eyes on lmao 🤍)
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no one can convince me that sherlock didn’t fall in love with liam at first sight
sherlock u bastard i know what you are
#or at least develop The Biggest Crush on him#i will not be taking opinions because i am Right#jk lol but i just finished reading the series and gosh i love them sm 😭#i love the entire cast they’re all so so good#but especially i love william’s story and following him along on his journey of healing is just ❤️🩹#ALSO SHERLIAM OFC#they are so dear to me they make me ill#yuukoku no moriarty#moriarty the patriot#sherliam#sherlock holmes mtp#william james moriarty
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