#<- bc its abt that time period
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"They were never really that close pre-death" "Dick was mean to Jason before warming up" etc etc are the worst Dick&Jason takes possible. Why would you even say that about them
#my dc posting#jason todd#dick grayson#robin#jaybin#discowing#<- bc its abt that time period#my favourite interpretation of them is well. they were the og batsiblings. the first ones to meet n develop that bond out of all of them#they went from strangers to friends to brothers in my mind. but dc is stupid and wont give me that#and fandom is dumb bc they keep pulling this shit of dick having misplaced his anger towards jason or being cold towards him and its like#why would you write that. like in my personal opinion its literally just not good??#like straight up its just a bad decision for their relationship#the point that makes jason's death so sad is that he was loved. he was happy. its what makes it a fucking tragedy#but noooo dick was horrible to jason. source? uhh trust me bro. are there any benefits or point to this being in the story? uhhhh well uh#(no no there arent)#it adds nothinggggg of value its such a bad take i hate ittt#give me jaybin & dick being brothers or give me death#n im not saying i want them to have been perfect or non complicated or anything but just. this slander wears at me ._.
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round 2 of prelim designs for @philosophiums n my lovechild of an au
first year trio
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fanart#jjk fanart#jjk atla!au#gojo satoru#nanami kento#choso kamo#atla!au: design#atla!au: art#STILL NOT SHUTTING UP ABT THIS AU NOT SORRY#shoves more concept art in ur face but make it the Adults#spent entirely too much time figuring out how on earth to dress gojo#bc i knew i wanted him air nomad monk-esque#but the LAST thing i want is to put this man in orange. in fact i wld rather die#so i yoinked raava's whole Vibe every1 say thank u raavaaaaaaa#debated the hat also but im so happy i went fr it it brings the whole thing tgt so well#every1 say thank u painted lady kataraaaaaa#and the fit as a whole turned out SO good im ????? do i LIKE gojo in this ???????? hina like gojo challenge???????????#who knew all it took was billowy robes and twice as many necklaces as any one man has the right to wear#as fr the others#iv never Drawn choso period so i ws neutral on his design until i had th idea 2 make his furs bloody#now i think its pretty metal GHFHJS#n then theres nanami......not a Bad design i dont think but definitely pales next to th others gomen......#reffed the lok metalbenders pretty heavily n didnt do much else.....might workshop it probably definitely bc i refuse to let him flop >:(#lmhs
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He is going on my burn book for sure.
This fugly greedy little corporate rat be stealing wallets from twst players. DO NOT TRUST THIS RODENT‼️‼️‼️
#writing this bc how dare u set up playful land event along with sebek armor..birthdays..and tsum event IMPOSSIBLE for players to keep up#and save keys in time to get the cards that they want#this rat is responsible for not allowing the players to save or give a short period of farming#but NOOOOOO#keep your wallets in check yall#there are rats in the sewer systems 🙄🙄#and his name is mickey mouse🗣‼️‼️#Do not trust this mf#im screaming bc ive been WANTING to get the housewarden cards and now that theyre finally here ik i cant get them 💀💀#screw this greedy mouse#its on SIGHT when i dream abt that funky ahh mirror in my ramshackle dorm#hands will be CAUGHT#//and for anyone taking me seriously#//its all a joke LMAOOO#im just done with this twst game and its farming system#twst#twisted wonderland
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#a doodley#okkk 2022: the torture chamber....i only sparsely drew al and developed talon (he was borned...) bc my mind was occupied with other things.#2023: exiting torture chamber; it took me a tiny little bit to get back to drawing and ''interacting with'' al again but i did it even#though it was a reminder of the Bad bc he's my copium#summer 2023: i view and witness media and suddenly have like 5 fictional men i cant decide on which to focus... and september (talon month)#comes along so I decide to focus on Talon after not touching him much at all throughout the entire year#(forced this btw i did not wanna do it LOL i didnt even remember how to draw him)#september 2023 to now: talon has infiltrated the brain. but i want to swivel back to al#now: i've forgotten how to Talk to al (just like i did in beginning of 2023)#(and just like i forgot how to talk to talon for most of 2023)#so ive kind of just been replaying the smunker cow al daydreams from when they first met#so I can find my way back...retracing my steps#in doing so ive kind of also forgotten how to interact with talon but still havent gotten back to al#so rn my life is so boring without imaginary bf interactions. just the before sleep plot rehashing daydreams...#or sparse visions of em Sometimes#nobody in my brain rn just like the short period last yr and its distressing#what do i draw without a love obsession.....#how do i pass time without it....! so boring. idk what to do#i miss the me of several yrs ago when i was drawing 50 different aus with al....ive downgraded in skill and imagination and creativity#so bad since then. idk. idk. i hope they come back to me soon#maybe i shld just draw al a lot which is how i kickstarted caring abt talon again almost a yr ago ?#hoping i can get him to come back before my surgery i need my big sexy boy nurse for recovery#(complaining abt things usually fixes em for me so im hoping thats the case here)
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the last time i felt awake when my eyes were open (on this side of the globe) was when i was shooting 16mm film in chicago. which could mean nothing
#this one turned out really gay and cute but its in post-production purgatory bc iiiiiii havent decided what to do abt sound/music yet#i was so tired from being at pride the day before and miserably on my period but i cherished every second#not least bc the weather was so nice i got to wear my leather jacket the whole time. shes only weather-appropriate like 3 times per year...#chicago '24#**
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I have to figure out a way of getting more interest in my oc stuff without needing to draw as much because I dont have the time or energy to draw as much as I would like, which includes a lot of concepts and/or scenes that are in my head only but can't commit to drawing, but it feels like most people are only interested in visual stuff as opposed to just written stuff (and for good reason, visuals are flashy and all!) It just makes me a little sad that I cant draw and share everything Id like to show, and what I can do most is talk about it, but that barely ever gets responses unfortunately
#in general though its hard to keep an online presence recently im so tired from everything all i wanna do is play videogame or watch youtube#and I dont have that much time to even think abt ocs cause of irl stuff ^^; case in point- ive been struggling with CD a LOT#for many reasons. so i have been focusing on HR instead bc oughgh i love it sm. but even so I have trouble finding time to just#THINK about it?? its so wack. like just thinking abt it takes time!!#thunderclap#idk man kjdffdk this is so weird i dont like being in this weird transitory period of my life i want this to be done#a lot of the ppl i spent time with online are also incredibly offline lately as well so i dont have as much of a reason to be online myself#everyones busy everything changes. very strange feeling
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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"Ruby wouldn't be angry at Jaune because she would understand it was Penny's choice" as if grief over losing a close friend again after going through so much to save her again wouldn't manifest in absolute rage that blocks out suicide fetish logic. The writers refused Ruby her anger not only to protect their precious Jaune, but because they think certain emotions are evil
I'm constantly thinking about Blake in V5 attributing spite to Adam as if it's a bad thing. Spite is the emotional version of "hold my beer," and is responsible for some incredible things
Lord of the Flies by William Golding is a spiteful response to The Coral Island by R. M. Ballantyne, a story with the same premise of several middle class English boys being stranded on an island. Where Ballantyne has the boys having "wonderful adventures" such as... saving women and children from being killed and eaten by the native Polynesians, Golding depicts the boys falling into savagery as time and isolation grows their paranoia to the point where they start killing each other. Golding was pissed at the saccharine portrayal of English boys as the height of humanity because he was a teacher who taught that exact demographic and damn well knew better
After a teacher said he wasn't smart enough to get into college, Huey P. Newton taught himself how to read and got into law school. When the college committees were more into intellectual talk than action, he said, "Fuck this, I'm gonna make my own group," and he did! It became an international organization that had the FBI shitting themselves! That's the power of spite, baby!!
The writers are using emotions as a shorthand for a character’s morality, which is why Ruby can't be mad at Jaune without losing her status as a hero and why Adam's anger at injustice makes him irredeemable from day one. Ruby's ptsd disappears with a triumphant smile and musical number while Ironwood's vilifies and dehumanizes him even after his death
The writers have tied "negative" emotions to evil and "positive" to good when they're neither. Emotions are a body's response to stimuli, similar to goosebumps and crying. Think of it as a "check engine" light on your car's dashboard. What someone does because of their emotions can be good or bad, but emotions in and of themselves are morally neutral
Really wish people would learn that
#rwde#the demonization of anger is particularly troubling esp in the context of injustice#like??? sorry people dont wanna be sally sunshine abt their rights being taken away#i think it falls into respectability politics and 'the good victim' idea#the only victims considered strong are the ones who take their abuse with grace and poise#youre too weak if youre crying and scared bc of your trauma#youre too afraid if you build walls between you and the world bc of your trauma#youre too hysterical if youre pissed off and lashing out bc of your trauma#the only respected way is to grin and bear it until the abuse stops#which is absolute bullshit#people deserve to have any and every emotion without immediately being judged for having the 'wrong' response#we have so many emotions for a fucking reason!!!#and its super unhealthy to repress any emotion for long periods of time!! thats why so many people are miserable these days!!#fuck that sally sunshine perpetual positivity bullshit. let a mf be pissed off#and for characters let them be pissed off and wrong!!#let them lash out and hurt their friends or smash a car or punch a wall bc thats character conflict!! its drama!#its an opportunity for characters to grow and atone for their mistakes and ask for forgiveness they may not get#let rwby characters be full fledged people i am BEGGING
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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?
#txt#audhd tag#just venting a little#its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This#like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning#but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no#one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like#Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved#cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating#okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick#want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post
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ITS THEM ITS THEM ITS LITERALLY THEMMMMM i have no words they literally just rewrote jackdoctor😭😭
#a handsome arrogant conman who meets the doctor in a historical period and flirts with him the entire time while the doctor is travelling#with a blonde companion?????? hello????#and the psychic paper bit!!!!???????#and he sacrifices himself to save said doctor and blonde companion???? and then its up to the doctor to go backa nd save him??#and he kisses the doctor right before he sacrifices himself???#its all the same i cant😭#like as much as their story was interesting and cute at the same etime its sooooo just make it fifteenjack you know??#like obv we dont want barrowman back but just recast him!!!! and it would all be the same bc this was written for them!!!!!!#gahhhhhhhhhhhh#im going insane over htem#i need somesone to write a fic from doctor pov abt this episode where he knows its jack but jack hasnt met him yet and its like#silence in the library but follows the plot of the ep#pls im begging whos gonna do it#doctor who#jackdoctor#doctor/jack#fifteenjack#dw spoilers#*
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probably the worst part abt whatever condition I'm living w is I get (at most) a week every month free from its rein of terror and the whole time I'm sitting there like
where's the blood
#so paranoid that i think im safe but secretly have been bleeding thru my pants for hours#like i do not want to be wearing pads every single day just in case this fucker shows up again#ahead of its own dumbass schedule#oh wait i gotta tag for people who hate to hear me complain abt my fuckass periods#bloud#fuck off lou#my post#i say 'worst part' as if i wont say that abt amy aspect of this situation#and i swear im okay dont worry im just complaining bc i feel like im being stalked by some large toothed beast at all times
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absolutely despise (pos) it when a south park episode ends on a melancholy note. like youre just supposed to accept the world is sometimes horrible and not everything gets resolved.
#i know mostepisodes that end like this have an aftermath#but it still leaves that impact#youre getting old#- just ends with the note that everything is shit and the same shit plays out over n over again just in a different way#ass burgers#- almost ends on a positive note of stan finally being excited abt change in his life but then everything going back to normal and returnin#to shit#the hobbit#- ends with wendy after desperately trying to help out others realize how photoshop is ruining the self image on youung girls and sets up u#nrealistic expectations on bodies being pressured into photoshopping herself and crying#AND I CANT FIND ANY AFTERMATH FOR IT? LIKE IT JUST ENDS LIKE THAT ?#auhrg#dead kids#- during the episode sharon is really upset over the recent school shootings happening at stans school and is upset others arent upset bc i#used to be a big deal but suddenly it isnt and the whole time randy is thinking it must be her having her period and hes also expecting an#apology from her for being emotional often#and instead of that getting resolved by the end sharon does fuckingapologize to randy right as he was starting to understand her. and then#theyre told that stan -their CHILD- got SHOT and neither of them even bother to see him- sharon saying its OK????#im not sure if theres an aftermath episode of that ??? heck if i know#south park#sp
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if anyone is willing to talk to me abt possible system stuff that would b great btw i have zero ppl to talk to abt it lol
(or if i can be guided to like. idk. server that helps w figuring this shit out)
#askin some hard questions rn WOOOOO#mainly .#fr context i realized i was a system at like 13ish#do not have the trauma to qualify for a diagnosis#and have been off and on about thinking of myself as a system or not#primarily bc my identity was in a period of upheaval throughout my teen years thanks to abuse#i definitely have experiences that i think are having alters#even if i AM able to block it out hardcore and ignore it for the most part#i guess it is like a conscious sticking my head in the sand thing#bc honestly. dealing w processing trauma has been hard enough by itself#and there is in fact an actual goal the entire system holds itself to#sighs.#the way im talking sure is yelling the answer at me#ig im just like. lays on floor#i need validation lol#on whether or not what im experiencing is a thing or not#or if its possibly my psychosis acting up again#bc i am legit never sure abt that one#granted i havent had any of my other psychosis symptoms#(i think)#and i feel . fine?#so it PROBABLY isnt that#but it wouldnt be the first time ive had a rlly intense delusion thats altered my identity#and i am in fact really gullible#but also it Does feel weird to refer to alters as kintypes . bc theyre so fleshed out and Not That#sits.#and i also do dissociate like crazy#i hate it when things get complex lol#in reference to psychosis. no what i consider alters are not hallucinations#theyre WAY too fleshed out for that
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UPDATE NOBODY ASKED FOR I SURVIVED THE DAY (context in tags yippee !!)
#it was in fact not that serious. kinda.#BASICALLY erm i saw him twice today once in the morning and another time after before 4th period and uh#in the morning i was talking w my friend and he was kinda there and kinda trynna butt in our convo#but my awkward self only semi acknowledged him and then his other friends came and he left#CONCLUSION: THINGS ARE NOT WEIRD BETWEEN US BUT ALSO I WHIMPED OUT ABT EXPLAINING MYSELF >:(#so i was like CHERIE. THE CLOCK. IS TICKING#bc i kinda knew that i'd see him before last period but i wasnt quite sure cuz its just me memorizing his routine#but routines change yk. ANYWAY#I DID SEE HIM#AND IT WAS LITERALLY FINE he showed me an april fools fish in his hair and i stuck another on his head and took pics lol#so lowkey. i think we're fine#and we talked abt other stuff#did i ever mention the text. no. did i need to. who knows#CONCLUSION PT 2: i mightve overthunk it OR he doesnt care OR he isnt questionning it#OR hes questionning it and didnt say anything. evil ending#erm. idk what else to say#w day overall bc i have pics of him now :-)#cherie's chats#this is so embarrassing oh my days
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In case it's hard to read/understand: "If I had a nickel for every time I had a story with a blonde girl named after a plant, who has a German father and a French mother but absolutely hates said mom, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice."
weird, extremely-specific tropes in my stories: pt 1
#oc liveblogging#ughhhhhhh i really CANNOT afford to be procrastinating rn but i know this happens when im extremelyyyyyy fucking stressed.#creative/art related classes always get me for this reason bc ill use 'wait but i need to find inspiration!' as an excuse to procrastinate.#fuckkkkkkkkkk. UGH IM NOT EVEN WRITING SOMETHING FROM SCRATCH ITS JUST A FINAL REVISION BUT IM CONVINCED IT SUCKS#the worst part is hkjhkjGHKJ I HAVE TO PRESENT SOME OF THIS SHIT AT AN. INTERNATIONAL FUCKING CONFERENCE GUYS. GUYSYSSSS#anyways this post is sadly not related to that. nothing im presenting is related to my ocs [un]fortunately lmao#ive just been thinking rotating various oc stories around in my head again ourgghhhh.#and i realized this LMAO. i mean maybe technically not 2 separate stories anymore because im recycling a lot from one for the other?#one of these was already established lowkey and the other was something i made for an assignment for a class like 2 years ago#i actually don't know if petunie will be blonde in her final incarnation?? ive always imagined her as silvery blonde ig but idk#if ill keep that. she doesnt have proper colors like colin but at least colin has his design set more straight somewhat.#and all the recent petunie development is lowkey really fucking funny to think abt. i girlbossed with her character development so#hard that she really replaced lucian as a protagonist HAHAJSDHKGJ. ok well not 100% kamille's story is a shoot-off#of lucian's technically? i guess? it started becoming that and now its solidified as that lowkey bc same town same place time period people#but man if im not careful i might accidentally make kamille/petunie's arc THE default one and lucian's main one the offshoot instead#a lot remains to be seen. but also yeah the other one who's story is mostly getting recycled (myrtille) actually ALSO HAD HER MOM#COME FROM THIS SAME FUCKING PLACE BASICALLY. a few decades later but still bruh given developments for lucian's story too its just like#at this point im noticing a pattern man wtf is wrong w/ women who come from this town specifically lol. 😔🥴#this town in general is just fucking cursed though i think ahkjshkg. i mean that jokingly and literally lolololl i gotta. work on it. but y#I HATE IT HERE WHY ARE WEIRD LITTLE FUCKING TOWNS WHERE BAD SHIT HAPPENS ALWAYS A CONSISTENT TROPE IN MY STORIES /silly#I DONT EVEN COME FROM A WEIRD LITTLE TOWN MY HOMETOWN IS LIKE. AVERAGE NORMALISH NOT SUPER LARGE??? IDFK?????#haaaaaaa fuck i need to finish this by the end of TODAY I S2G!!! SO I CAN MOVE ON TO ALL THE OTHER SHIT I OWE FUCKKKK
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every single time i open my mobile firefox tabs hes right there. looking at me.
#its always open bc every time i close it i need to open it again to see smth after increasingly harrowingly short periods of time#i always keep that mf thang on me#i vividly remember bakc in july. i was hanging out w my friends and we started talking abt him and my friend asked a question#i said 'oh ill check that on the wiki rn' and they looked over and was shocked how fast i got there like 'why did u already have that open#and i had no answer. this is just how i live#angel.txt
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