#<- bc its abt that time period
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"They were never really that close pre-death" "Dick was mean to Jason before warming up" etc etc are the worst Dick&Jason takes possible. Why would you even say that about them
#my dc posting#jason todd#dick grayson#robin#jaybin#discowing#<- bc its abt that time period#my favourite interpretation of them is well. they were the og batsiblings. the first ones to meet n develop that bond out of all of them#they went from strangers to friends to brothers in my mind. but dc is stupid and wont give me that#and fandom is dumb bc they keep pulling this shit of dick having misplaced his anger towards jason or being cold towards him and its like#why would you write that. like in my personal opinion its literally just not good??#like straight up its just a bad decision for their relationship#the point that makes jason's death so sad is that he was loved. he was happy. its what makes it a fucking tragedy#but noooo dick was horrible to jason. source? uhh trust me bro. are there any benefits or point to this being in the story? uhhhh well uh#(no no there arent)#it adds nothinggggg of value its such a bad take i hate ittt#give me jaybin & dick being brothers or give me death#n im not saying i want them to have been perfect or non complicated or anything but just. this slander wears at me ._.
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round 2 of prelim designs for @philosophiums n my lovechild of an au
first year trio
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fanart#jjk fanart#jjk atla!au#gojo satoru#nanami kento#choso kamo#atla!au: design#atla!au: art#STILL NOT SHUTTING UP ABT THIS AU NOT SORRY#shoves more concept art in ur face but make it the Adults#spent entirely too much time figuring out how on earth to dress gojo#bc i knew i wanted him air nomad monk-esque#but the LAST thing i want is to put this man in orange. in fact i wld rather die#so i yoinked raava's whole Vibe every1 say thank u raavaaaaaaa#debated the hat also but im so happy i went fr it it brings the whole thing tgt so well#every1 say thank u painted lady kataraaaaaa#and the fit as a whole turned out SO good im ????? do i LIKE gojo in this ???????? hina like gojo challenge???????????#who knew all it took was billowy robes and twice as many necklaces as any one man has the right to wear#as fr the others#iv never Drawn choso period so i ws neutral on his design until i had th idea 2 make his furs bloody#now i think its pretty metal GHFHJS#n then theres nanami......not a Bad design i dont think but definitely pales next to th others gomen......#reffed the lok metalbenders pretty heavily n didnt do much else.....might workshop it probably definitely bc i refuse to let him flop >:(#lmhs
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i'm KIND OF REALLY BAD at making outfits/designs for characters so i'm not sure if i'm ever going to get around to anyone else.... but the isat tag can take my cultist au odile. as a little treat.
Odile - Siffrin - Isabeau
#i picked up a pen (art)#isat au#isat odile#in stars and time#i have to call it 'cultist au' bc if i said 'worship au' literally only three people would know. what i'm talking abt.#anyway anyone is free to enter my twisted mind. if they wish. i'll be thinking abt this maybe forever.#women when. women wheeeeen they stow away on a trade ship and go to another country to discover their past#only to find out that their past is. cults. its cults all the way down. its all fucking cults. shit. she threw her life away for cults. dam#the fucking research i had to do before i felt worthy enough to draw a period accurate outfit.#it's a kosode. from the muromachi period. which is around the same time when glasses were introduced to japan.#so she can wear those too
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He is going on my burn book for sure.
This fugly greedy little corporate rat be stealing wallets from twst players. DO NOT TRUST THIS RODENT‼️‼️‼️
#writing this bc how dare u set up playful land event along with sebek armor..birthdays..and tsum event IMPOSSIBLE for players to keep up#and save keys in time to get the cards that they want#this rat is responsible for not allowing the players to save or give a short period of farming#but NOOOOOO#keep your wallets in check yall#there are rats in the sewer systems 🙄🙄#and his name is mickey mouse🗣‼️‼️#Do not trust this mf#im screaming bc ive been WANTING to get the housewarden cards and now that theyre finally here ik i cant get them 💀💀#screw this greedy mouse#its on SIGHT when i dream abt that funky ahh mirror in my ramshackle dorm#hands will be CAUGHT#//and for anyone taking me seriously#//its all a joke LMAOOO#im just done with this twst game and its farming system#twst#twisted wonderland
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#a doodley#okkk 2022: the torture chamber....i only sparsely drew al and developed talon (he was borned...) bc my mind was occupied with other things.#2023: exiting torture chamber; it took me a tiny little bit to get back to drawing and ''interacting with'' al again but i did it even#though it was a reminder of the Bad bc he's my copium#summer 2023: i view and witness media and suddenly have like 5 fictional men i cant decide on which to focus... and september (talon month)#comes along so I decide to focus on Talon after not touching him much at all throughout the entire year#(forced this btw i did not wanna do it LOL i didnt even remember how to draw him)#september 2023 to now: talon has infiltrated the brain. but i want to swivel back to al#now: i've forgotten how to Talk to al (just like i did in beginning of 2023)#(and just like i forgot how to talk to talon for most of 2023)#so ive kind of just been replaying the smunker cow al daydreams from when they first met#so I can find my way back...retracing my steps#in doing so ive kind of also forgotten how to interact with talon but still havent gotten back to al#so rn my life is so boring without imaginary bf interactions. just the before sleep plot rehashing daydreams...#or sparse visions of em Sometimes#nobody in my brain rn just like the short period last yr and its distressing#what do i draw without a love obsession.....#how do i pass time without it....! so boring. idk what to do#i miss the me of several yrs ago when i was drawing 50 different aus with al....ive downgraded in skill and imagination and creativity#so bad since then. idk. idk. i hope they come back to me soon#maybe i shld just draw al a lot which is how i kickstarted caring abt talon again almost a yr ago ?#hoping i can get him to come back before my surgery i need my big sexy boy nurse for recovery#(complaining abt things usually fixes em for me so im hoping thats the case here)
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ive been staring at the naqtube channel page just doing analysis thoughts in my head for like 15 minutes and ive just been hit with the realization that Damn this is not normal. normal people dont do this. either the mental illness or the mild sickness is doing something to me right now.
#[cosmic heroes of dubious alignment]#IM NOT EVEN WRITING ANYTHING DOWN. IM JUST BRUTEFORCING THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD.#uhmmmmmm anyways. im trying to think of potential themes naq might have#and its like wow i am not good at recognizing themes bc im dense as bricks sometimes but i swear theres a repeating pattern of .. roles?#the expectation and breaking of stereotypical roles to be more specific#like listen to me here. obviously theres the line ive pointed out b4 with the 'theyre fighting evil/theyre [..] evil' line;#the lines in the unused takes video that paint n&q as less than morally good in /some/ sort of way;#queen buzzbeamer's whole deal as ive said ad nauseam; a more recent example i feel like would be part of the binary translated from hazard:#'this is who i am and who i will ever be'. accepting your role.#but also on a more meta sort of way with the games themselves. the female mcs getting more focus than the male mcs-#-in a time period where most video game mcs were male and the female characters were one-note is something noteworthy to me.#the fact that nebula is CONSISTENTLY framed bigger/more prominently in almost every piece of official art we see.#her name is first in the title. naq was conceptualized as a concept with her only first. shes always also featured in ads alongside quasar.#the only ad that features quasar prominently is the jumparound ad which alludes to it possibly being a request from sony#-and thus would want to play it more 'mainstream'.#by itself this doesnt stand out bc it could always be just the creators wanting some hashtag women in their unfiction series#which i would be fine with if that was the case. we love women. HOWEVER#its the fact that naq2 (from what we know so far) ACTIVELY TRIES TO BACKPEDAL ON THIS. which makes me think its INTENTIONAL.#both nova and nebula have seemingly been sidelined in naq2 with their screentimes reduced. nova reduced to a 'supporting character' and -#nebula into a possibly offscreen kidnappee. QUASAR takes their spotlights in naq2.#...maybe a way of 'making back lost sales' from naq1? pivoting too hard into the stereotypical from the unusual...#because obviously thats whats scaring away your customers. not the white room scandal. totally not.#'..ok is this leading up to anything mara. whats your conclusion statement' idunno man.#i just think its an interesting tidbit that keeps popping up. i am not a coherent theory guy#i am a pointing out things and throwing them at the wall to see what sticks guy.#there is also the very real chance that im completely wrong abt naq2 bc we still dont know a lot about it sooo. shrug.
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the last time i felt awake when my eyes were open (on this side of the globe) was when i was shooting 16mm film in chicago. which could mean nothing
#this one turned out really gay and cute but its in post-production purgatory bc iiiiiii havent decided what to do abt sound/music yet#i was so tired from being at pride the day before and miserably on my period but i cherished every second#not least bc the weather was so nice i got to wear my leather jacket the whole time. shes only weather-appropriate like 3 times per year...#chicago '24#**
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Ever came from someone eating you out?
Nope 🥲👍
#i get too anxious for that#bc i dont trust people to be genuinely patient enough and ACTUALLY enjoy it for incredibly long periods of time#(and stfu if youre all “i love it you just need to find the right person” etc bc literally stafu lol clearly its not abt you then so??)
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I have to figure out a way of getting more interest in my oc stuff without needing to draw as much because I dont have the time or energy to draw as much as I would like, which includes a lot of concepts and/or scenes that are in my head only but can't commit to drawing, but it feels like most people are only interested in visual stuff as opposed to just written stuff (and for good reason, visuals are flashy and all!) It just makes me a little sad that I cant draw and share everything Id like to show, and what I can do most is talk about it, but that barely ever gets responses unfortunately
#in general though its hard to keep an online presence recently im so tired from everything all i wanna do is play videogame or watch youtube#and I dont have that much time to even think abt ocs cause of irl stuff ^^; case in point- ive been struggling with CD a LOT#for many reasons. so i have been focusing on HR instead bc oughgh i love it sm. but even so I have trouble finding time to just#THINK about it?? its so wack. like just thinking abt it takes time!!#thunderclap#idk man kjdffdk this is so weird i dont like being in this weird transitory period of my life i want this to be done#a lot of the ppl i spent time with online are also incredibly offline lately as well so i dont have as much of a reason to be online myself#everyones busy everything changes. very strange feeling
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OH SHIT LENT IS. next week huh
#my shitty addict brain is already trying to weasel ways out of my lent sobriety promise BUT IM GONNA FUCKIN HOLD I SWEAR#i was originally gonna wait til friday/sat to try again bc last weekend i consumed an Absurd amt for how unaffected i felt#and i fear even like a 400mg today (2 days later) would be like. rinse of water#combined w the fact ive repeatedly Struggled with maintaining sobriety for longer than like. those 2 days FJKDSLJFGK#i gotta at least Try for fri/sat still. surely. i cant 1000% cold turkey myself#i gotta get it room temp like at Least#so fuck it. 4-5 day break instead and pray its enough for a Good Time before next wednesday#fwiw i dont reeeealllly care abt the religious aspects of lent but i did it as a kid and its good way to hold myself accountable nowadays#pope assigned 'maintain a new behavior' period. to me <3
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ITS THEM ITS THEM ITS LITERALLY THEMMMMM i have no words they literally just rewrote jackdoctor😭😭
#a handsome arrogant conman who meets the doctor in a historical period and flirts with him the entire time while the doctor is travelling#with a blonde companion?????? hello????#and the psychic paper bit!!!!???????#and he sacrifices himself to save said doctor and blonde companion???? and then its up to the doctor to go backa nd save him??#and he kisses the doctor right before he sacrifices himself???#its all the same i cant😭#like as much as their story was interesting and cute at the same etime its sooooo just make it fifteenjack you know??#like obv we dont want barrowman back but just recast him!!!! and it would all be the same bc this was written for them!!!!!!#gahhhhhhhhhhhh#im going insane over htem#i need somesone to write a fic from doctor pov abt this episode where he knows its jack but jack hasnt met him yet and its like#silence in the library but follows the plot of the ep#pls im begging whos gonna do it#doctor who#jackdoctor#doctor/jack#fifteenjack#dw spoilers#*
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naur my friend just decided drugs r banned from her birthday weekend event 😂 damn id been holding off on rolling so i would be able to do it then
#97#substance use#sad but c'est la vie lol#its definitely her right to not want it at her party so its not like im complaining abt her decision#just wish id known so i wouldve gone out to the club this weekend#part of it ig is that its a multiple day social event and i was also kinda counting on being high for part of it like..#so i could be social enough and not be super annoying#bc i dont trust myself to be someone you can have a good time with for an extended period when sober#but thats a me issue that i probably should be a bit more concerned about#she did say weed is fine so maybe if i buy some ill bring some
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The hard prt about having sideblogs that i actually use is. When im making stupid stats puns about being trans, do i post it to the stats one or the trans one
#sev rambles#im always really bored in my time series class#bc its longer than normal and the professor is hard to listen to for an extended period of tims#*time#so i was writing down jokes and puns in the margins of my notebook abt markov chains#theyre stupid but i love them
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idk like i think id be fine without testosterone sure but i Like testosterone i like that it makes me feel more leveled out emotionally and i like the way orgasms feel way more when im on a consistent dose of t and sure i dont notice changes or anything anymore but i notice its upkeep ya know. and ive been thinking abt going off t for a while just like. ruminating and debating if stopping is what is best for me bc i hsve such a hard time staying on top of it. but i really do think i want to stay on.
#im sure its bc its been 4+ years of living like this and thats the majority of my adult life#but i feel more myself when im on a consistent dose#and idk. every time ive gotten my period since 2021 ive been like. worrying levels of unstable mentally.#and i know theres other ways of mitigating menstruation but well. i like this one.#and like i dont always like the male masquerade ive had going on lately but i do appreciate#the buffer it gives to the women* in my life#both my fiance and a friend of ours have talked abt the difference between grocery shopping#with me vs another woman*#and like. idk. i dont want to lose that.#and ive been partly considering it on the chance im no longer able to as easily access t#but is that necessary? why quit before im fired. ya know.#im gonna try to be better at refills even if im not as good at shots#and like. idk man. what bathroom do i use.
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sry for posting so much im like introspective or something
#its bc i made myself sad in my journal again -_- wtvr.#also semi related not rly at all i guess but i do applogize for talking in third person sometimes i know its annoying it genuinely is just#bc like. i have a disconnect with me and with connor and everything and i do tend to thjnk of myself as a seperate entity than like. idk#it is me i know that but when i say Connor im referring to sort of the like. concept of him i guess. and sometimes what i say applies to me#but usually its just about him you know.#but i rly try not to there was a period of time last year where my mental sort of#like. the way i thought about myself was never i or me or we it was always it. like it is going to go clean the bathroom now. it needs to#eat. recently theyve started to be more like that again but i try not to post like that bc i dont want to seem weird or something. not that#theres anything wrong Another general rule of thumb whenever i say something is weird i mean it only for me and for the absurdly long list#of attributes i as connor am supposed to have and how im supposed to be percieved but that list isnt rly realistic for anybody else and#things that r evil when i do them r generally entirely neutral or positive when other ppl do them its judt umm. this is me being#selfcentered again i guess sorry. i always make it abt me in these ... my diary is even worse its always just abt me its very selfish. but#wtvr. not in a dismissive way it is bad i need to work on not being so selfcentered i just use whatever as like a. im done thinking about#this thought or discussing it. but it does come off as sort of dismissive which isnt what i mean .#but anyways. so when i am writing a post and i almost refer to myself as It instead of inor.me i usually edit it to just say connor or him#or whatever. but only sometimes sometimes i am just talking about connor.
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if anyone is willing to talk to me abt possible system stuff that would b great btw i have zero ppl to talk to abt it lol
(or if i can be guided to like. idk. server that helps w figuring this shit out)
#askin some hard questions rn WOOOOO#mainly .#fr context i realized i was a system at like 13ish#do not have the trauma to qualify for a diagnosis#and have been off and on about thinking of myself as a system or not#primarily bc my identity was in a period of upheaval throughout my teen years thanks to abuse#i definitely have experiences that i think are having alters#even if i AM able to block it out hardcore and ignore it for the most part#i guess it is like a conscious sticking my head in the sand thing#bc honestly. dealing w processing trauma has been hard enough by itself#and there is in fact an actual goal the entire system holds itself to#sighs.#the way im talking sure is yelling the answer at me#ig im just like. lays on floor#i need validation lol#on whether or not what im experiencing is a thing or not#or if its possibly my psychosis acting up again#bc i am legit never sure abt that one#granted i havent had any of my other psychosis symptoms#(i think)#and i feel . fine?#so it PROBABLY isnt that#but it wouldnt be the first time ive had a rlly intense delusion thats altered my identity#and i am in fact really gullible#but also it Does feel weird to refer to alters as kintypes . bc theyre so fleshed out and Not That#sits.#and i also do dissociate like crazy#i hate it when things get complex lol#in reference to psychosis. no what i consider alters are not hallucinations#theyre WAY too fleshed out for that
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