#THAT SANDWICH JUST... WAS DEMONIC I DONT EVEN KNOW

[cowboy-robooty]

guys i made a egg sandwich because legoshi eats one in beastars right but that shit had the devil in it like i made it and ate 3/4 of it and i liked it even it tasted great but oh my god within 15 minutes it made me nauseous it gave me a tension headache it made me feverish i literally was woozy and wobbling and hitting the wall stumbling to my bed to lay down and i had to take a nap and when i woke up i took two tylenols and i felt okay enough to do my tasks and shit but goddamn i still have a light tension headache i took another tylenol like that egg sandwich genuinely is demonic i dont know what caused it to be so vile it literally wreaked havoc on my poor little temple body

[voidimp]

cant believe ive made furry au AND college au of characters that are all technically in an au of what they were originally created for but now the things they were originally created for are the aus instead

[jyoongim]

Alastor who’s pretty little wife no one knows about shows up to the hotel with his lunch for something that her and Rosie took so long to prepare. She’s a bit taller than Alastor and completely mothers him it seems- idk just thought it was cute

Charlie beamed as she opened the door, but her eyes widened “ Woah! O-Oh hello! Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel! Are you looking to be redeemed from your sins?”

You tilted your head in confusion.

”No. I’m here to drop off Alastor’s lunch”

Now the Princess gave you a confused look.

You were here for Alastor?

”May I come in dear?” She widened the door to let you in and ushered you into the hotel lobby.

Your husband had said he had a new venture he was invested in. What a lovely hotel.

The Princess showed you around a bit and talked about the purpose of the hotel.

”And this is our enthusiastic bartender” she gestured to the bar

Husker’s eyes widened when he saw you before he tilted his hat at you “Madam”

You smiled “Husker! I didn’t know you were here. Alastor ain’t workin you to the bone is he?”

Charlie looked between you “you two know each other?”

You let out laugh, waving your hand dismissively “oooh we go way back” you took a seat on a sofa.

You chatted with Husker and waved as Niffty greeted you before she ran after a bug.

”Woah who’s the glass of water?” A flirty voice said,making you turn and see a tall spider stroll into the room.

Everyone was curious about the tall demoness.

You checked the clock “Not to be rude but is Alastor here?”

That made several faces gawk.

Why were you looking for the Overlord?

”I heard senseless chatter do we have a guest?” A radio-filtered voice floated into the room.

Alastor eyes flitted over the room and they landed on you, his usual smile stretched wide across his face

”Dearest! What do I owe the pleasure? You should have gave me a rang” You grinned as you stood and approached the demon.

Everyone watched in disbelief as the tall woman towered over the Overlord and snatched him in a hug, squeezing him in her arms.

”Alastor!” You squealed, nuzzling the demon who just had a loving look on his face.

You set him down and finally a scowl graced your face, you pointed your finger at your husband, disapprovingly.

”You left so fast I didn’t get a chance you give you these”

You pulled a container from your bag.

Alastor hummed as he opened it, ears flicking happily at the meat sandwiches. You beamed proudly “Me and Rosie spent all day on those and you didn’t even get a chance to taste them. I made sure to drizzle extra blood on yours dear”

”I will never understand how I was lucky to have you dear” he said, dipping his finger in the sauce and tasting it.

”A token of appreciation would be nice” you chirped, leaning down towards the demon, turning your cheek.

Alastor pressed a kiss to your cheek.

Yeah everyone was flabbergasted.

Charlie cleared her throat, looking between the two of you “h-how do you two know each other?” She asked nervously.

You blinked in confusion, before you smiled “I’m his wife of course”

WHAT??!!!

You ignored their stares and turned back to your husband, looking him over.

Your clawed hands grasped his face, turning it, examining him. Your brows frowned “You’re looking thin baby. And pale. Dont overwork yourself and for the love of the all that’s damned please take a rest when you need it. No broadcasting all night. I know you, you’ll be cranky and tormenting souls because you’re tired. Oh! I have tea for your throat too” you happily pulled out tea packs and tucking them in his pockets.

Alastor just let you fret, loving the attention.

Once you finished being a  worrywart, you gave him one last hug.

”well i ought to get going. I promised Rosie I wouldnt be long. I just wanted to drop your lunch off.”

You pressed a kiss to his forehead, waved to everyone, and let Alastor walk you out.

Alastor sighed lovingly as you disappeared in a mist of shadow, once you were gone he went back inside the hotel, where everyone was still gawking

His eyes narrowed “what is it?”

Angel was the first, along with Charlie to literally combust with questions

”You have a wife!?”

”Why don’t you every bring her here?”

”Can’t believe you actually fuck”

”she seems so lovely”

”how the hell or really why the hell she marry you?”

”You should invite her over more!”

”How do you two fuck?”

Alastor’s eye twitch and he turned around to walk out as he carried the lunch you brought with him, ignoring the two.

Angel turned to Husker and smirked “They have kinky sex don’t they?”

Husk flicked him off with a eye roll

”Ill take that as a yes”

[refractionfish]

rating akira's outfits from the devilman manga because he's a fashion king and i'm tired of the denial

FIT ONE: little shit goes to school. 3/10.

not off to a great start. every anime boy who likes beating the shit out of people walks around their shirt unbuttoned — UNORIGINAL. points are only granted for the confidence, eyeliner, and being so dedicated to this stupid look to unbutton both the uniform jacket and undershirt.

FIT TWO: matching striped jammies. 6/10.

tits out even while in pajamas! no wonder miki won't leave the guy alone. plus, one can't not appreciate the kitschy charm of a pajama set. real honk shoo honk shoo mimimimimi vibes. however, points lost because all go nagai protags own this set.

FIT THREE: perfect for sitting gayly in a chair. 9/10.

if there is one thing that i liked about 2010s fashion it was the ringer shirts. i fucking love a contrasting hem. we're also seeing an effective use of the sandwich method: light top, dark pants, light shoes. bell bottoms always a win. points lost because i dont think converse are the move when your pants are a little too short.

FIT FOUR: even gayer than the last 10/10.

this could be the fit as above and nagai just forgot details of it, seeing as he forgets the lace up neck on literally the next page. however it looks different enough that im counting it separately. considering the prev, we have an already great fit made even better by the deeper cleavage + sexy neckline. literally no complaints here.

FIT FIVE: goth rugby player. 20/10.

personal bias for monochromatic fits coming through here but whatever!! the flares + rugby shirt w/ contrasting collar is absolutely incredible. sleek with visual flare from the collar, of which the contrast serves to draw attention directly to the tits. which was the intended goal, i'm sure.

FIT SIX: literally double breasted. 0/10.

i'm sorry akira but what is this. "double breasted" because he has two jackets on, a look that i think only works if the under-jacket is lighter. a uniform jacket under a blazer just warrants the question of why doesn't one wear a heavier jacket.

FIT SEVEN: goth steve jobs. 100/10.

THE CLASSIC DEVILMAN FIT. the fit for a reason. all black is always so sleek and so sexy. add that to a turtleneck and little gay booties and you have a fit that defines alluring. the class of it all is somehow more sexy than the deep cleavage favored earlier in the story.

FIT EIGHT: the boyfriend fit. 8/10.

yes that is ryo's shirt and blazer — akira's got all ripped when he fought the demon army. clearly ryo's got more reserved tastes compared to akira, and the result is classy. i prefer flashier, so most points are awarded for pulling off the wearing my boyfriend's shirt look.

FIT NINE: inappropriate apocalypse attire. 6/10.

back in his own clothes and thus back to showing off the tits. looks like a white shirt and black pants, which is nothing to write home about despite tailoring looking nice. cleavage is the only thing pulling this above 5.

average score: 18/10!! i hope to have made my point!! put some respect on akira's name for knowing how to dress.

[fayewoodss]

dont fight the dnn demons, after all of this we deserve to let them out. Snf should go one either side of dream to try and atack him with Kisses but dream crouches and snf end up kissing each other. Dream laughts but now snf are going to declare war now

You know what, hell yeah!! Release the demons!!! I shared this little idea with my discord homies hehehe:

Now that Dream is canonically autistic (hehe) and George and Sapnap also being clearly neurodivergent, I was thinking a lot about pressure and body weight. It could work for any pairing, but focusing on DNN at this moment in time, Dream just being very high anxiety nearing a meltdown and none of his coping strategies and regulation tools are helping. Sapnap and George find him in his office and gently lead him to the bed. They throw off all pillows and blankets, just their bodies on a mattress. George climbs on top of him first, spreading out over him, chest to chest with his face in his neck. Sapnap is always the top of the sandwich. He's not as even in spreading his weight as George is, but he'll lay in ways that still provide that comforting pressure while not overwhelming either of them. Eventually, their breathing all falls in sync and they just lay together quietly for however long Dream needs.

And if they fall asleep together it just gives me more reason to revive this old drawing:

[enthusedbambi-jjba-au]

monster au fun facts (OOC)

diavolo keeps having to try to prevent doppio from summoning any more demons

Thanks to the monster hunter's guild, italy doesn't really have prominent lycanthrope packs.

I'm sure someone could figure out how to make a drug out of moondust and im sure it's very likely to fucking kill you

ghiaccio is mildly allergic to himself, at least according to melone

squalo can't swim in his land form

tiziano makes accessories out of his own moulted and preened feathers. this is actually a sphinx tradition!

melone never met his father but was raised with constant reminder that whoever he was, he was pretty horrible, and growing up in that 'shadow' made him swear to himself he'd never turn out like his father. this is why melone acts sort of 'fatherly' towards babyface and often avoids actually even touching most women

i dont know if pesci actually knows hes undead assuming we go with idea 2 about him. he does kinda black out every full moon but nobody including himself addresses this. he knows well and good that prosciutto is undead but he assumes he himself is a normal human and that the Necromancy Doses that prosciutto uses for their form upkeep is just a Magic thing he doesn't Understand

Prosciutto literally has no beef with illuso illuso just keeps calling him a fucking bitch for having the nerve to zombify himself when illuso didn't really have a choice in becoming a ghost

illuso appears if you say his name 3 times in a mirror but says he does this by choice.

melone is immediately drawn to the sound of his own name (as in 'melone', not his real name) but conversely implies this is involuntary

my two ideas with cioccolata (hang on give me a few seconds for the rage to pass) and secco were 1. cioccolata is his own frankensteinian creation and experiments with other cryptians, secco is a werewolf and 2. suggested by others, secco is the frankensteinian creation but honest to god he still gives me werewolf vibes.

Ghiaccio always curls up to sleep and everyone who has seen him do this wonders about his spinal health

i cant tell whats the funniest way to go with gelato and sorbet: 1. Gelato is human, Sorbet is nonhuman (perhaps was once human). Gelato is insane and just a monsterfucker because of course he is. 2. sorbet is a human, gelato is a fucked up monster thing. unfortunately, sorbet is into that. 3. werewolf vampire romance. 4. gelato is a demon yet his stand is still angeleyes and sorbet still calls him angelface. 5. gelato is a turned being of some kind and sorbet is the one who turned him and gelato voluntarily let him do this because he thought it was hot

i had a thought that Limbo (my OC) could work at libeccios as like. a waitress and thats why (other than her being with narancia) she's super close with the bucci gang

squalo knows nothing of capitalism and relies completely upon tiziano

babyface glitches when going up against giorno

Fugo might have magical lineage, but it's been surpressed

Pesci knows a lot about the other members of la squadra due to Beach Boy's ability; in the monster au, rather than just hooking hearts and stuff, Beach Boy also just goes right for the soul and hooks the aura. unlike mista pesci knows well and good that hes surrounded by nonhumans but like what do you want him to do about it

animals are pretty much naturally alarmed by Formaggio's presence. ghiaccio tends to fluff up when Formaggio is too close to him.

prosciutto's eyes don't follow movement but he can still see

gelato is afraid of seagulls, chickens and most fowlbirds. this isnt monster au specific i dont know why but i imagine gelato is STUPIDLY fearless but when a seagull comes after his sandwich or a bird starts strutting towards him a little too fast he starts screaming and grabs a knife

regardless of what he is, gelato bites without warning whenever he gets the impulse

Narancia isn't too careful with hiding his formshifting from Mista but as long as he doesn't take a lupine form mista just assumes narancias weird like that

The bucci gang 'have' a 'cat' that's named narancia. it's actually just narancia in a cat form that he takes when he wants to seek physical affection or just be a weirdo, but mista doesn't know that

squalo knows how to write but can't spell or read. so he doesnt actually know how to write he just knows how to copy the letters.

narancia WILL tear up the couch if you leave him alone too long

along with turning blood into metal objects, in monster au, metallica also works the other way, allowing risotto to turn iron into blood. he eats a very iron-heavy diet to get his fix of blood without needing to directly drink it.

i also had the idea that he can drink your blood through your aura

melone and ghiaccio possibly have known each other for a really long time, and assuming ghiaccio is a turned ailuranthrope, melone might have known him before he was Turned and helped console him after the Incident.

bruising is common in physiological shifters like narancia, ghiaccio and limbo. Narancia, unlike the other two, though, is in semi-complete control of the way his cells assemble, so he's able to un-bruise himself, though the spot is usually still a bit sore. since he's been able to formshift most of his life, he's used to it, and doesn't really react beyond his weird 'teething habits.

with limbo and ghiaccio, they're more unfortunate, and often look bruised upon shifting back from theriomorph. most zooanthropes have 'morph hangovers' when a night is particularly bad, but they often learn to cope with it and carry on with their normal lives regardless.

MANY cryptians experience moon hangovers after the full moon.

though many aquabound maricrypt don't have lungs, maricrypt like sirens are able to take in air for the sole function of mimicking human speech.

selkies retain human vocal chords in seal form, and can seaspeak as well, but have a "seal" accent

most seafolk are sleek and pretty (in their water forms, at least) and that's why many seafolk are mistakenly thought to be all-female, because a lot of the males look twinkish or have "breasts" (breast-like organs which serve non-breast-like functions, usually).

limbo and narancia developed a stupid ass greeting of barking at each other in human form. they blame this on the adhd. they also blame the fact that the barks are REALLY convincing on the adhd.

honestly soft machine arc is just fucking disrespectful

squalo used to sleep with his eyes open until tiziano got too freaked out by it

[uwuowotf2waslife]

What does your husbando/waifu/nonbinary barbie-crotched S/O says about you?

TW: slight teasing,but oh well...., also nsfw themes and swearing ( sowwy)

TEAM FARTRESS 2

Scooter/weanie man: complete morosexual or the unhuman need to take care of Boston inhabitants with room temperature EQ ( en englais: you have the mommy/daddy/parent kink and you want to show that boi all the love he deserves)

Soldier: you are a human carpet ( sub) or so Dom my sibling in Christ I am terrified. You think his bravery/randomness is endearing or you got roped in by every tumblr/wattpad headcanon potraying him as the ultimate beefcake ( cant argue with you, mofo built like a brickhouse on steroids without the roids.)

Pybro: A. you are a nonbinary peep and any nb representation makes your ovaries/balls/reproductive parts COMBUst with excitment. B. intense latex/leather kink with slight burn/wax play on main. I am both afraid and faschinated by your ability to flesh out on a person we barely know the most basics of their personaility, Godspeed you allmighty bAstERD <3

eNGIe: cowboy appreciator, daddy seeker and parental figure creamer connesuer, you fell in love with the ( here ) so much you actively search and look out for the gruff, wrench handling and guitar-playing texas man of your dreams. No matter your gender or sexuality engie hits that hotspot only the daddiest of daddies hit !

Heavy: rare breed of bear enjoyer, probs an older sibling that wants to make the older sibling ( tired, unhydrated and slighty (( extremely)) in need of therapy) pair. Probably not a huge shipper since you view HeavyMedic as more of a platonic pairing, or you are of the rarest Medicx Reader x Heavy poly sandwich. Please dont hug him too tight, hell hug tired and make your eyes pop like a cheap pop eyed toy.

Demo: contrary to popular belief, you are not a bbc enjoyer/seeker, Demoman isnt just a sextoy to you. He is just the only level headed person you see in a team of morons ( for u) or manchildren with murder tendencies and well, JUST LOOK AT HIM, HE IS BUILT WITH ABBS LIKE A WASHBOARD AND LOVES HIS MOM, HE IS NOT HUSBAND MATERIAL. HE IS SOULMATE/LOVE TILL DEATH ( WONT DO YOU PART, HE KNOWS MAGIK TO RECITATE YOU) , PLEASE I SALUTE YOU YOU GLORIOUS TAVISH ENJOYER!

Medic: WE GET IT HE IS HANDSOME AND SOUNDS EITHER LIKE A CHICKEN WITH A TOP TIER DANTE DEMON OR HOT GERMAN GILF! Please dont canoodle him so hard, youll throw out his back or break his hip. Also very questionable kinks ( i see you blood kinksters). You unironically are the I cAn MakE HiM So MUch WorSE squad and you scare me.

Sniper: yes he is the ratman ofyour dreams and yes he is also really pretty, but please stop treating him like a man who aint also a hired killer. Yes he wont even think to correct his Macas orders, but he will and can make you swoon so hard you look redder than Pyros suit, mans gots that outdoors, unshowered , rugged swagg and he is rocking it harder than the fricking 80s <3 <3

Spah: yesh you have a french kink, yes you want him to whisper in your ear soft french while he btters your bagguet, probably into dilfs or gilfs in the distance because none is a dilf /suave/sensual enough for you. ( perfume isnt a shower, go to shower now, mon petit coucou

RESIDENT EVIL VILLAGE ( or the bimbofied RE4)

Lady Alcina Dimitrescu: a cis male/ a sapphic soul/trans,enby vagabond who respectfully wants to drown while motorboating he absolute units of bazoongas. Perhaps slight size kink and perhaps a person who doesnt mind a good blood slurped by their F! S/O if their tumm had the ramblies. Please dont go overboard, or youll enter the unholy assemblange of vore/stuffing kink irl

Donna Bienevento: creepypasta kid, you unironically got spooked first time you read Jeff the Killer. Probably into some questionable types of literature, hardcore horror enjoyer who also has a sanrio addiction. You have tried some kinds of handcraftmanship and might even have some hobbies that involve handiwork. I applaud you, but please dont give the basement FEOTus monster your choccy milk, itll have the zoomies and knock of angies card-castle.

Salvatore Moreau: the epitome of I can fix him! peeps, probably slight hurt/comfort enjoyer. You saw how dirty all the other treat him and you crave to make fish man happy. Both feet in monsterfuckening domain, unironically want to do the dirty while he is at monster form. Maybe you saw the Shape of Water and your brain did the thingy, but oh well, please continue on and make the lord of the reservoir the happiest fish in the sea!

Karl Heisenberg : you slimy, daddy kinked bAsterds, cant we have one game with a slight rat man with a good VA without yall flocking to him like lycans to his factory for french toast scraps??? slight bdsm enjoyer, or person who wants metal rat man happy and softened out like a soviet made breadcutter blade after a top tier professional restoration. Either way, please handle with care he may cry if you hug him the good way

The duke: an absolute chad who may or may not want to drown all your sorrows to a large, beautiful, suave man hug ( or man-thing, you never know.) You seriously deserve the world, because you be pumping fics faster than a heated political debate on Reddit. Also probably a slight hand kink, we all show those monsters at the Shadow of Rose DLC.

[noomiithesnail]

HIII! I came to hunt you down from ao3 🪓 your fics are absolutely ✨️amazing✨️ I am a sucker for angst and you really cook the angst sandwich SO WELL. Thank you for writing these stories! ☺️ I saw you asked for prompts, and I have an angsty one brewing here if you'd like to hear it :3

I was thinking of a scenario where Muichiro and Tanjiro went for a patrol or mission or what have you together, and thats all fine lalala until they come across an UGLY 🤢😱😫 sight of maggots (idk how, maybe the remains of a human or animal caused by a demon or something). And since Mui has now recovered his memories, he gets super triggered by the nasty things because they remind him of those days he spent with Yuichiro's corpse and the maggots eating them both (thats such a nasty thought to even think about, the poor babies getting eaten by maggots 🤢🥺). So then he gets a full blown panic attack and gets really stressed etc since I dont think he actually sat down and processed his past and healed, yk??? but luckily for him (and all of us) the best ray of sunshine Tanjiro is right there to help him and give him the biggest hug to let him know that he isn't alone anymore like he was in the past 🥺 but ngl seeing Muichiro freak out also freaks out poor Tanjiro because he's so used to Mr Hashira being calm and collected and strong, and seeing Mui starting to proper disassociate as a trauma response to the trigger makes him freak out even more, another poor baby 😢 but he's determined and finds a way to help Muichiro through this (maybe he gets Shinobu's help or figures out something on his own)... so now Tanjiro sees a super vulnerable side of Muichiro, which Mui doesn't really like. but that eventually leads to an opportunity for Mui to fully share his past with Tanjiro because I remember that he only spoke about it a little in Bonfire and Marigolds? He's grateful to remember his family but he's not soo keen to go back to that space and face what happened yk? But yeah then the angst comes to an end with a lot of fluffy and cute happenings between the two :3 and Tanjiro becomes a safe space for Mui to be vulnerable in 🥰

Thats the prompt, i hope it inspires you 🥹 if not then thats okay, i just wanted to share this with you 💖 byee *runs away*

HELLO!!

first off thank you for hunting me down i appreciate it LMAOO

Second HOLY. SHIT. I love that prompt sm smsmsmsmms aaaaaa

in some of the wips I haven't posted, I did mention mui having a trauma around seeing maggots and them sort of representing his past experiences and omg you're absolutely right there is so much angst potential there

you've DEFINITELY inspired me!! as soon as I finish bonfires, or Marigolds I might move onto that one! I have got another muitan one I've been slowly writing at the same time that I might post first, however. but that is such a good prompt and God I love me some angst

thank you for this idea! even though idk who you are, I'll still mention it got this prompt from you if I post it!

and ofc i would love to receive any more prompts you have in the future!

[lamentingocean]

~Work by ocean~

°Moonlight executioner x reader•

warning: slight NSFW, murder, disastrous, a bit of ptsd, kidnapping, death, cussing, blood. (No shit)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You were alone in the world and grew up in a worn down chinese village that enslaved their own people for profit and money, like selling a child for a good amount of yuan. You were one of them, being tied up in chains, living by a crumb of bread, and only a small food item can nourish your hunger plenty. but someone you got freed by the time you reached 8 years old. enough to be molested by men since they don't know how to act right. it exists in the world so often, and it even freaks you out just thinking about it. you once had been given bread, but it's been stolen by kids of the same situation you are in. only being selfish to eat for themselves and their sheep of a group. What I observed from bullying is that. They come in pacts. And their leader is the most cruel and controlling out of all of them. The sheep are the one that want to be cool and fend off other people to satisfy their needs. but a faction officer took them down so fast that you stared in awe at their concept of destruction within your eyes. he once looked at your reminiscent self. wearing clothes that are torn enough to make you half naked, he didn't find any need to kill you once he commanded his squad that a certain demon passed this village to head for the cliff somewhere in China.

your eyes closed in fatigue, but it was all a dream back to your memories from when you were a child experiencing something like that. you screamed right when you got back into reality. you formed shaky breathing, seeing your hand tremble at your memories that are supposed to camouflage as a dream. But it wasn't. your hands were full of scars, it goes to your soul as well, tears formed into your eyes and emotional impact stare to trodden the back of your throat. a disciple. wearing dark clothes. opened your doors to your figure, trembling like an injured, scared dog towards a abuser of animals. You were 20 at this time

"What are you doing? I heard you scream once our squad had been finished eating. It's 2am in the afternoon. I don't have time to give you a pity party over your truama. get up and get dressed."

"I-i-i-i..I c-cant...I d-dont know h-how to-.." He got one ounce of pity for your tears starting to mark the blanket. he gave you a cooked salmon sandwich in a wrapped bag and left with no word. you couldn't come back. it's like being trapped in dispair and darkness if it was a dimension. reality didn't want to be in touch with you right now since it doesn't know how to come in at the right time. you took the time to breathe in and out when your breath whooses in the air like sage. the trembling had stopped, and reality held your hand since it's supposed to be harsh.

you opened the bag to see some orange juice and a salmon sandwich that smelt good even when it was packaged a bit to protect it from bacteria. you unwrapped it slowly and took a small bite from it. It had sesame. It had rosemary, it had herbs and cut vegetables, and it smelt good with a hint of lemon and spice.

skip the meal for the day, and can easily heat it up tomorrow

you had a variety of black uniforms. since it's mandatory for the dark faction. wore one since they all look identical. it had sleeves, a hoodie, some large pants, good enough to fight in, and gloves. normally, the dark faction would spread out their name in training martial artists to be evil and disgusting across the land of china, but amongst masters are able to fight them off and take them in as insane subordinates with a purpose to serve under a clan or to under a rule. yes. China people enslaved their own kind, but it wasn't on purpose or without one. The common reasons are for money and workers at farms and provinces to grow vegetables and crops. For the rich. It's always the rich.

you went out the door, nobody was in the hall, which is odd, you looked back and forth but there was nothing. Until.

you heard your leader's voice to yell out troops and trainees for inspection, or it's to tell them daily missions and things they need to do in the daily as a faction sign up. Your first thought was, "Oh shit I'm late." You went frantic and looked for any nearby exit to go to your estimated group. that was his voice. But exits to headquarters are hard to get by. You managed to find one. and then saw a large variety of men and women, looking at you like you were the problem and that you were an embarrassment to the faction group. you got into your position with your anxiety through the sky. stares were from all over, it terrified you a bit. but when it came to the leader...

You had your tears suddenly appear again in fear.

"I would expect this from you since you are late to our group session almost every day, but I'm not tolerating this any longer. You either have to fix your nightmares or be permanently disbanded from this group until you're lucky enough to get approved into another position. Do you have that clear or not?!"

"I d-do..I'm trying to fix it the best that I can..but It's too hard..because of my small breakdowns in the morning..."

"Does it look like I care about your outbursts? let me give you a small challenge. It should be easy but to you. It's hard. You will have to wake up early in the morning like we do, eat, and remove your nightmares before 12 am. hits tonight. If you succeed. I will keep you in our group. But if you don't. You are out. understand me?" He said with a tone that held back much anger from trying to put you in a breakdown since he knows how fragile you are. you looked around, unable to speak since everyone snickered at your state of unstable emotions untamed.

"I d-dont know.. I will try my best to win this challenge, I'm really sorry that I caused a disruption like this..please forgive me for my actions. I will try my best master." he scoffed like your words are nothing to him, even though those words felt like a college essay to put out to the teachers.

"We have important matters to do other than to consult with useless bullshit, Welcome trainees. and today, we have an important issue to discuss. we have a master named "jaha lee" in just north of china. and he killed off the main leader of the heavenly generals, black rabbit clan leader and claim it as his own, doing a crime like that is usurpation, killed the elder dragon king, black sea wolves, the battle pavilion arena joint, the southern ming alliance, killed the two leaders of the cloudburst clan, this isn't a laughing matter. this master is extremely dangerous to handle. and he issued a mark onto us as the factions of china. so I asked for all of us to deploy a all out war with this "jaha lee" dont hold back on your true combat skill and kill him. simple as that. we dont need any more masters to die by his hands. We will end it. here and now. we deploy at a full moon tonight. that will give you enough time to train and prepare yourself for this monster of a master. Go.

Oh, and Y/N. I need to discuss this with you in my office. come with me." a jolt of fear came right into your veins, as you pointed at yourself in question.

"Yes, you." You followed him into his royal looking office, plastered with gold and kissed with silk and other rare items considered to be only for the richer class. he told you to take a seat, so you did so. "What has been going on with you? You have been like this ever since you have been put in my group's position. so tell me why?" You closed your eyes. A squelch of wet tears nearly came out of your eyeballs of mental exhaustion.

"I been reliving my past or experiencing nightmares from my childhood. and my childhood wasn't pleasant to hear about to most people. It's been haunting me ever since my last leader took me out of their group when I had the same problem. I don't know how to fix this or I just need to manifest good energy in order to make it stop but its giving me a trigger to sob and tremble about it right at the end of these nightmares..and it's so irritating..I wouldn't expect you to fix it for me. The only reason I joined the factions of china is to give myself a purpose. But these nightmares are ruining my purpose off everything. I don't know how to get help, and I'm stuck in a wall with no corner to escape right now. that's all I'm gonna share.." it's like his breath been taken away at your entire speech. you honestly had some hope that some leader. Any leader wouldn't make it out to be an excuse. But he's just like the same as everyone else qualified to be a master. snobby and no hardships to go through.

"You.. hehe.. you honestly believe I wouldn't believe you?"

"Huh?"

his face turned to a picture of his grandpa. being a warrior in ancient China by his armor on the battlefield. "We all have our own hardships to recover from. I always go off as too blunt or too harsh upon people with trauma or upon people with hardships that is a pain in the ass to deal with. For example. my dead grandpa was a fine warrior working in the light faction of ancient china.. but then he got killed..by the mad demon. but now that he's dead.. I won't be able to avenge him. Sure, my grandpa was a criminal of his own, but he had a mixed heart. that's it. I will make the challenge a bit easier for you to pass. since I don't want the other disciples to think I'm a soft hearted general. go on.. just train and wait for the mission to deploy." You felt calmer. He tricked you. I think? You didn't know if he did, but he didn't. you left the office. walking in the hall with the exact group that snickered at you. but after what he said after being shoved aside constantly by each and every leader and general around the faction headquarters. It felt like a breath of relief that you didn't care about the judges and the whispering of negative words to you. but that disappeared quickly.

a girl shoved you on purpose, all eyes in the hall. "Haha. How is a pick me like you able to get into a high-ranking group like us? You will ruin our reputation. stop being such a baby and get over those nightmares."

"O-ow.." A small bead of blood oozed out of your scrapped arm, a hard hit on your back sent more jolts. you were being stepped on by her. "This is funny. A loser like you could never be as powerful as us. You should just give us already and die on the spot. the faction doesn't have time for weaklings like you. tch..bitch." Nobody raises a hand to help you, leaving you in a shocked state, but what did you expect? her laughing was right up your ears. but a stench went right along with it.

her boot had dog poop on it, you whined in disgust and tried to wiggle off her boot on your back. It didn't work. "WHAT? You don't like the stench. I put the dog poop on my heel just for you? Don't you like my present?♡" You had a pocket knife in the side of your pants. It's forgotten, but it's mandatory to be on the ground under the sheep of this world. You don't deserve that. you sliced her leg as a deep cut and ran off to her blood curling scream of pain and evil anger. you went right upstairs to a random room so you wouldn't be located after what you just did. but that didn't work either. that girl knew all the places in this headquarters. So your chances of hiding are so low that it might as well be a video game score when you're very bad at it.

bangs were on the door, and it was that girl, screaming cuss words and anger at you like a physical aura. you sobbed right there, wishing it would stop. You don't want to hurt people, but when people try to make you get put into the ground and serve as a humanoid carpet, If you defend yourself then your the victim and your the problem to take down just for being human. but it stopped for over an hour. tears and snot were makeup on your face at this point. the same guy who gave you food this afternoon came in. sighing at your terrified expense.

he took you up, trying to ease your frantic reactions from being hit, but he didn't even say one insult like usual and stayed quiet while carrying you to his room. It was a secondary hour later. he gave you a napkin to wipe your tears away once you calmed down, "what...what happened to her..??"

"I gave her a laxative and knocked her out. Always does that to literally anybody in our group. There is such thing as human emotions...well. I found no need to scold you for crying in someone else's room. because that person would have a trivial reaction."

"....thank you." you continue to wipe your tears in a awkward situation such as this.

"Did you train at all? or did you just be in your room all day. I had to get my advisor to sign papers for me. so annoying how busy I am dispite of the factions being martial arts on the main note.

"Noo...I just had a little talk with master and now I'm unfortunately caught in this situation of when a girl probably hates me to death now.."

"Ah, right. Sorry about that..wh-"

+DEPLOYING FOR URGENT MISSION. THIS IS YOUR GENERAL REPORTING TO ALL GROUP MEMBERS. BE PREPARED TO DEPLOY AND FIGHT THE BEST YOU CAN. KILL THE TARGET AND END THIS ASAP+

they both stood up in the bed. He handed you a weapon, which is a pretty strong, durable sword to fight in, you were pretty good in martial arts dispite of being so fragile and weak to be in the battlefield and being in tough situations such as healing wounds and seeing death right in front of you, even with a blade. you were almost exceptional in combat. but just not mentally. everyone walked outside, with the moonlight glowing directly above the cliff. it was a scary experience but we don't know what to expect or happen while targeting only one man.

And that's jaha. you know nothing about him but he's very dangerous and it's the same for martial arts too, you either have to live or die if your a enemy of him or be a subordinate under the madness of his antics. half of the group swallowed their fear by the time they got the full information of this target that they had to kill on their own. It's a 50/50 win. towards highly trained martial artists all in one group to one man. that's scary to think about. whoever this man is must have some hidden power to him. either way don't give up hope and fight the best you can't.

it was midnight once they arrived at the black rabbit union, all of them were wearing their faction masks, but it's dangerously quiet in the grounds of the clan, your sweat turned to the suspicious silence. having so many thoughts in your mind, like over filled papers in a printer. "It took so long to get here and this is what we get?"

"s-shhhh..stay alert."

"Since when do I take orders from you, little miss truamatize?" The rest of the group shut both of them up when the moon started to glow red.

is that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing? It's so quiet in black rabbit, almost like everyone, and even the subordinates have been decimated into thin air. The air is thicc, and it's getting heavy to breathe slowly. It's not the mask they're wearing, but it's some presence starting to take in effect of their lungs. "Something's up."

"Well no fucking shit. What do we do?" Some group members started to get a little frantic, and even some tried to abort the mission at the silence, starting to crush their sanity to death. "Don't fucking abort the mission what are you doing?" you squinted your eyes to the Golden jade palace.

it was a red glow coming from outside of it. You directed your attention to the group arguing about what is about to happen and why is it so silent enough to hear blood course through their veins, it freaked all of them out, so much for being powerful martial artists without handing good silence from a area. "What is it?"

you pointed your finger to the entrance, slightly trembling in gushing fear at that light starting to form into a eye, everyone was like "what the actual fuck. is this a horror story, or is this death coming for us?" A figure landed right in the middle of the grounds. The group stood in caution and instant attack if they were hostile or an enemy of a clan against the factions.

"WHO ARE YOU?"

"me?" He revealed his so-called "figure"

"Is this the jaha lee they were talking about? Why didn't they accompany us into defeating this guy? Tell me again. who. Are. You."

he pointed his sword right at them as if they were a target and he's not, but for some reason. Your face kept staring at him. He does have a face, but you wanted to see what he looked like. You want to get to know him. You do not want to battle him. It's like some like of electric connection between aura and vibe. "So I would assume I'm a target. huh..very expecting of you dark faction. sending your minions to kill me when you can't even do it yourself, casual rich men in that faction, drinking booze and sitting in their ass while their fighters got their blood spilled on the ground."

"I asked who you are. That isn't my question." Every one of the members slid out their weapons in slo mo, just in the right time for him to attack at any time, his aura was mysterious, but randomly intimidating to them. "Oh, you want to know who I am..well.. let me give an introduction before I try some with you all. Son of a bitch.

I am the moonlight executioner. the God of martial arts, Master of the black rabbit clan, master of the black sea wolves and the low down, Master jaha, and the one that will taken down the factions and the league no matter what. So I recommend you all. To get out of my clan before I mutilate your bodies and send them back to whatever hell rich den you guys came out of. got that fucking clear?"

...to you. what he said was so cool, while everyone else tensed up in anger and hungry for battle. some details are that his outfit was covered in old blood, and his mask was also spattered with it like he's just experimenting with a freshly dead person in a lab to test their blood. but enough talk. you have to be ready to be focused on your target and deal the killing blow.

instead of waiting on you to attack all at once, they lunged at him recklessly and pathetically. but once you closed your eyes expecting them to at least spread out to get into fighting formation. you didn't hear any of their voices in your ear. like they just vanished.

It was silence once again, like you entered a spacial paradox with no sound enough to drive someone insane, but then you felt pain, ripping you out of this mindful paradox. Your foot got slashed open, but it wasn't deep. That pain forced you to open your eyes. And then was everyone ok in good hands.

That's the complete opposite.

you saw their bodies brutally killed, and their blood was all over your body since this master had a way of slaughtering opponents so horrifying. all of them were dead. forcing into the gates of heaven or hell by only a man they just met, the guy eariler raised his hand with his fingers cut off. he attempted to shoot a dagger at this master. but it didn't even cut off a strang of hair. His face was stabbed in by his peculiar pattern of a sword. and his back was turned to their blood all over his body as his black hair just boosted it even more. he was terrifying, but he is also interesting before your brain decides to shut in fear and an income of unstablity shutting your martial arts prowess to slime. but then.

He did something else.

he put his mask in his hand. You were so eager to see his face, but he had your heart stop. his red pupil shined along with the reflection of the moonlight like water but it grew smaller.

He laughed maniacally and had so many shots of insanity within that laugh that it scared it into backing away. The smell of blood disgusted you right when it continuously oozed it from their bodies. Oh! How you thought what your masters would think of this horrible incident. you opened to whatever door that led out of this clan so you can save your own life.

No.

he slammed your head down to the stone ground so hard, his body was on top of your back. you tremble so timid to his hand grappling all the chunks of hair he can grab within your scalp. "pls...s-spare my life..ugg.." he didn't say a word. and his sword to your neck.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you, dark faction minion bastards. I don't care if you're a woman. whatever enemy i face, then I face. Don't care." his grip is so strong. You can't even move your body from the force. "I ahh..I didn't want to hurt or kill people...I only joined the dark f-faction to give myself a purpose in life. I don't mean to mess with you...I'm not one of them...so please.." he slowly raised his body down to your ear. He had a cold breath and felt the strands of his hair circled around your waist and arms. his abs pressing through your small back. "If I spare you..If you try to charge at me with a weapon or even a hold a weapon in general. I will kill you. Understand me?"

you nodded for that. his grip lessen a bit. he made you drink something that knocked you out so fast. Surprisingly, you didn't have those nightmares every night in every dream with him. it was jaha. and only jaha weirdly. to a guy you just met and made his first experience like a badass. your vision was blurry when you slowly woken for your slumber. Your wound was bandaged up, but you were set in chains. "Help.."

the same man last night came right in when your vision got blurry again. It was doing it on purpose for you not to see this man's face. His hair was so luscious when he unlocked the chains on your arms. your vision finally backed away, and then you looked up to see his face to investigate a written book about you.

"J...jaha lee.?" he looked down right upon you on his glaze, but It didn't terrify you. Not one bit. He was extremely attractive. I guess you can say he's hot. His red eyes, his perfect skin, and his long black hair in a ponytail had your face in complete awe. no words could distinguish how beautiful he is as a man. he squat down to your wound and took a shed of blood to his finger. "Hmmm shallow. not much. You will be fine. Your wound wasn't that bad. Now let me question you. who are you?"

"Im y/n....a member of the dark faction.. or I might quit because my purpose there is erased.."

"I see. I will issue out a warning broadcast that you're dead, and they will have no point in trying to get you back to their shit faction. I've been trying to face those bastards for almost a decade. I'm surprised they even have a system for a martial artist like me. I will keep you safe since you don't seem to post a threat to me. since you're so weak and timid." You chuckled at him like it's nothing. For some reason. You can't help but feel like this madman can give you true peace and harmony, happiness, and joy since it's been a lost emotion to you for such a long time. This is a first. you stood up, feeling cold since the prison you were trapped in had a cold space. even goosebumps just took in signature for your skin.

"Are you cold?"

"Mhm.. I don't really find you as a dangerous master like everyone says about you.. you got your plans decked out like a master.. you are so cool." he smiled and turned his body to you.

"Yeah.. I don't kill innocent people. I only kill masters who are chaos to everyone and use people to get what they need. the terrible ones in the shortest term."

"Hmm.. interesting.." something unexpected happened. He wrapped his arms around you. He didn't have any other options to do since their isn't a blanket or anything to warm you up in the cold space. he was warm. like a pillow with bricks around it, hard and soft. "Here.. I have a guest bedroom for you to sleep in. you don't need to be a servant to me but just relax. Because I can tell that you been through a lot by your aura. Follow me." it was a royal looking palace in the inside that was only the basement, a lobby, training grounds, a palace, and food. it was 2 in the afternoon. feeling the sun this time. Peacefully made you smile warmly at the beauty of this earth. "here."

It was a big bed, like muscle memory. You laid your head down in letting all the mental exhaustion go from your mind and release from your veins like soft pressure. it was so soft, in fact, that you fell asleep so fast in a short amount of time.

"I only just met you, but.."

he gave you a small kiss in the forehead, letting the webs of his hair spread out like legs, and then left the room.

(This is the longest x reader I ever made. But how do you like it? Is it good or not? I'm planning on doing Detective jaha and French jaha, right? (Totally not trying to fit into reality so I can be included in everything), but this took so long😭

[ask-carmenpondiego]

Chapter 4: The plot thickens! Dun dun duuunn!

Days went by and Carmen had been napping here and there to pass the time, occasionally practicing standing and squatting to keep her legs and body stretched. As she felt more healed, she went back to her normal morning and evening stretches and exercises. She barely saw M outside of him grumpily dropping off food on the dresser and stalking off to brood. On this particular day, she hadn’t seen him at all so she decided to get dressed in a loose calf length maxi dress, and adventure out to explore the safe house. It was very small, barely two rooms other than bathrooms. She found the kitchen and started to raid the pantry when she heard voices outside. She peeked outside the window to see M pacing the beach on his phone, arguing with someone. Finishing making her peanut butter sandwich, she bring it out in a napkin and nibbles it as she walks towards him. “No, I dont give a fuckin flyin rats ass what your damn investigators say, you find his body! I aint accepting ‘erh it git burnt up in da fire’ No. I know how to fuckin burn bodies! You want me to demonstrate that to ya?! There WILL be a body if he is fuckin dead and you better fuckin find it before I fuckin find you! Capish?” He roars in frustration and slams his phone against the rocks, smashing into pieces. Moments later the pieces disappear and the phone is back in his pocket.

She sits down behind him on the sand, munching her sandwich quietly. He paces a little bit then turns towards her. Visibly startled, he takes a few steps back, “Geeezus-What the fuck is wrong with you?! Gawd damn you are like a fuckin ghost, sneaking up on me.. fack.. give me fuckin heart attack. I thought you were a demon baby, I was gonna punt ya head right in!” She looks up at him, crossing her ankles and leaning back on one hand, not even bothered, still eating her sandwich. “Soooo, Who was that?” He runs his hand through his hair and starts pacing again. “That was the fuckin medical investigator, they can’t find Wal’s fuckin body.” She scowls, “Even after all this time?? The museum would have been doing renovations by now! How could they miss a body?” He shrugs and puts his hands on his hips, “No fuckin idea. Somethin dont seem right. And I know my accidents, I specialize in them. This was no random accident. No body, no realistic cause of fire, it was arson to cover up somethin and it aint like Wal to abandon shit like family. If he were in trouble, he called me. He didn’t call me and he didnt call you. He’s the dumb hero type, so he would have helped people get out. It just dont make fuckin sense. Everything is telling me he screwed outta there to save his hide but that aint like him. Not one bit. And everyone is sayin he didnt get out, no one saw the fucker leave, and the only way outta there after evacuation was in a body bag! He wasnt there either!”

Carmen let her head drop back as she looked at the clear sky, a few gulls glided past, tossing them the last bits of her sandwich crust. “We can’t trust the medical nor the police. I even tried to get them to help and they just arrested me for my past warrants.” She sighed, bringing her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. He looked at her confused, “Why the fuck would they arrest you? Did you like assault the pig? What was yer name again? Caramel Cruz or some shit? Wally always called you his light. I’ll be honest, I tuned him out when he talked about you.” “My name is Carmen Cruz, not Caramel!” She frowned annoyed, ears back. He snapped his fingers, “Yes, that was it, Carmen, like that famous robber.” “Thief. I’m a thief.” She snarled. “No, you’re wrong. I think it was robber.. cat burglar? Ya know, you look a bit like her… wait.” He tossed her forward, her face in the sand and her tail in the air, he pulls up her dress and looks at the marking on her rump. “Well fuck my ass, the globe with the magnifier. You are her! Name change and everything! Holy shit! My brother really knew how to fuckin pick em!” She scrambled and covered her ass back up, her face bright crimson red in embarrassment. “You seen me naked almost this whole time and you never noticed it?!” He laughed, watching her panic to regain composure, “I wasn’t looking at yer ass. There were other important things I was paying attention to. Like not having you bleed out and die.” He held out a hand to help her to her feet, “At least that nugget of info explains why you are so nosey for details.” She dusts off her dress as she stands, “Yeah, well, I like having answers. And this whole thing with Wally’s body missing and me being redirected specifically to a place where they forget people? Someone wanted us out of the picture for good, and I need to know why.”

M kicked the sand a bit with his hoof, some grains sticking to his shaggy forlock fur. “Maybe they just wanted you gone, I mean, you do cause quite the fuckin ruckus when you steal something, like I dunno, an entire fuckin landmark!” Carmen rubs her forehead below her horn, “I quit doing that, the challenge of it was great and all but the practicality wasn’t there. I stopped thieving in general when I met him. Disbanded everything to settle down. Looks like thats one thing I can’t escape from, stealing.” She watches the waves a moment. “But I can change the targets of my stealing. If I cant escape the ship, form a mutiny and take control of the ship’s wheel!” She grinned, turned to him, “M, we’re going heisting!” And begins to jog back to the safe house. M just stood there, dropping his arms, shaking his head, yelling after her, “What the fuck are we even stealing? Hey! You can’t just say that and run off! I would like to know what bullshittery you’re dragging me into! Are you listening?! What are you even doing?! We’re not the cliffhanger end of a chapter in a mediocre self-insert fanfic on a Tumblr Ask-Blog, so don’t fuckin act like it!”

[8thwonderz-ofthewrld]

Oh, gingerbread man. That reminds me of the time when I had a crush on the Lego gingerbread man. It all started in 2015. i wish that in season two of fionna and cake and steven universe they do a collab with mr beast (ross federman) and make a solo album thats just splat noises (see: undertale two by tony fox) and the record label "i stepped on a lego" inc hears it and is like "wow this is dogshit" but they record label them anyways and so back to fionna and cake and steven universe It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a shot rang out! A door slammed. The maid screamed.Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon! While millions of people were starving, the king lived in luxury. Meanwhile, on a small farm in Kansas, a boy was growing up. so fionna and cake and steven universe and shrek and bill cipher and acht splatoon and gandalf the grey and gandalf the white and monty python and the holy grail's black knight benito mussolini and the blue meanie and cowboy curtis and jambi the genie robocop the terminator captain kirk and darth vader lo pan super man every single power ranger bill s preston and theodore logan spock the rock doc ock and hul hogan all become members of tally hall and make the new album "i hope that the members of weezer d1e in a car crash" which includes such hits as "grandma got run over by a reindeer" and "we sued santa for 69 million dollars but its not enough to pay the hospital bills" and went on to become the best band of all time... if it was opposite day!!!! haha!! so fionna and cake and ross federman are all broke and living in the streets,.. until someone comes to rescue them... who is it? it's the b-52's of course!! even the dead one!!! wow!!! but they're not actually rescuing them, they're just here to give them a kick in the ass. talk about rubbing salt in the wound! anyways they decide to do a collab with roddy rich to make a mashup of grandma got run over by a reindee r and ballin, guess what? it sucked. LOL!!!!!! so when there is no hope, the best thing to do is to travel to Weirdness Town Oregon? ...Yeah, I Live There. In my day, we didn’t have fancy coolers, so everyone took turns blowing on the meat to keep it fresh, unless you hired a Dutch family to blow on your food for you. Breezies is what you’d call ’em. It was quite the scandal when a breezy married a smusher– those were the fellas you hired to flatten your sandwiches by sitting on ’em– and the whole town came out to throw tar… and so, bill cipher became the 5nd member of tally hall after k1lling ross federman in a car crash (by accident!!) and releasing a song that was 5 hours of screaming over nikocado avocado videos. everybody loved it! except for the hottest music critic in town, bugs bunny's hipster cousin. bugs bunny's hipster cousin was so insulted, he transformed into his ultimate super sayan form and kamehameha'd bill cipher. "MY ONLY WEAKNESS!! ANIME!!!" shouted bill, allegedly. nikokado avocado sued the estate of bill cipher for 333 katrillion dollars, and since all of bill cipher's family are dead (L+Ratio) he had to pay it from beyond the grave. talk about a.... i dont know! Listen, Ford, if you just tell me that equation, finally your dimension will be free. (Projects himself drawing a smiley face in the midwest United States, then takes a bite out of the Earth and flies past his friends, who are destroying other planets, then to Ford, who is standing in the middle of a galaxy) Anything will be possible. I'll remake a fun world-- a better world! A party that never ends with a host that never dies! No more restrictions! No more laws! "man this blows youre so not sigma you wont stop playing an endless loop of banana man by tally hall and the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny by neil cicierega aka lemon demon and grandma got run over by a reindeer by tally hall youre so not sigma im gonna go become the 5nd memebr of tally hall, aroace flag tie" [ford moves in a way that my brain is unable to comprehend due to "autism" and is now in MICHIGAN??? MICHIGAN IS REAL??? WHAT????] and so he did, and their new sing

seeing art of source for the first time in weeks. no i am not gay what the fuck

[xatsperesso]

What if the boys know mc before going to rad?

It was 3 AM

Of course it was 3 am

I was just in the kitchen making myself a sandwich to avoid the existential crisis that's waiting to happen

And i do my lil-not-safe-around-knives-habit of closing my eyes and kinda doing things blindly when im tired. Then i saw a flash of light through my closed eyelids

That was the first time.

I open my eyes quickly and immediately see a chest

That is not my fluffy white cat's chest. That's a man

My eyes squint at the chest in front of me before looking for the head. It was fluffy orange head staring at my plate. The sandwich i blindly made using way too much cheese, pickles and tomatoes even though i dont like tomatoes.

I give the guy my sandwich

He smiles at me, gulps it then disappears

I really need to sleep. It's not funny anymore

--

The second time it's happened I was lounging in my living room enjoying a lazy day with my cat. Just scrolling through the tv, trying to find anything-

Ahem

I whip my head around and see green impatient eyes looking down at me.

"Did you summon me here to just stare or do you have a reason?" He glares at me

I stare back

He starts getting angry

I raise my cat's head as a peace offering

He looks at the cat, no anger could be seen and starts to pet it. I imagined the corner of his mouth twitching.

"Is that all?" I nod

"You're sacrificing this cat to me?" I pull my cat closer, profusely shaking my head.

He looks annoyed but he disappears like the first one

This isn't a one time thing

Dammit, i need to deal with this

--

It's taken me a couple of sleepless nights and endless research, but that's probably what i need to do.

I light the candles around the scripts, try my best to pronounce the words correctly, and wait as smoke encases the room.

"You are in the presence of The Great Solomon. Tell me, young sorcerer, why-" i grab his black robe and stare dead in his eyes

"Is talking to demons dangerous?? Will they steal my voice???" I ask as my voice wobbles, tears threatening to fall

"It's just that last time he was talking to me and i was afraid cause this has never happened to me before but it felt so rude not to answer when he started asking me and it was like he was judging me and-"

"Woah woah, calm down! Demons cant steal voices unless it's in the contract" I stare at his awkward, uncomfortable smile trying to find any signs of lies

"Thank fuck" I let out the hugest sigh of relief, and let go of the sorcerer "I sorry, this has been stressing me out but i shouldn't have grabbed you like that. Tea?"

"Yes, thank you, and it’s alright. This is why i made it possible for magicians to summon me. I take it that you've been summoning demons lately?"

"Nah, they just sorta appear out of nowhere"

He blinks at me

I blink at him

"What-"

--

I was engrossed in the horror movie. The music was getting louder. They were hiding from the it. they were running. One of them tripped cause of course they have to trip. The music is so loud now. They barely manage to hide-

"I, THE GREAT MAM-" I scream so loud the white haired demon gets startled.

"O-OI! What’s yo de-" screams from the tv interrupts him as the character got dragged by that-that thing and it started torturing them for fun-

Lots of screams, huddles, and complaints were heard that day

--

"Gosh, i wish they weren't so busy today" I sighed as i continued playing mario carts alone "i really wanna kick someone's ass"

Just say the word and god will deliver

The light appeared once again, and out came a blue haired demon and-ohmylord is that a tail!

Thank whoever keeps summoning them, now my boredom will cease to exist

"Ugh, why did you have to summon me now, normie"

...Ya know, maybe im not that bored

Still, i pick the extra controller and toss it at him. He caught it with his tail (damn i want a tail)

"Wha-! Don't just throw controllers-"

"Wanna play? I bet I'm gonna win"

The demon stared at me for a second, looked at the tv to see the mario cart game. He seemed tempted

"Tch, I'm not gonna lose to some normie" he plopped down besides me and chose a character

...I'm gonna decimate him

--

"Hah! Noob"

"Shut up! You must be cheating!"

--

My cat gave me something

This was the first time

I was not ready

A red-head suddenly appeared in the living room

He looked mildly confused, but was smiling nonetheless. He looked ready to say something, probably cheerful.

I burst out crying

That made him panic, and that's probably when he noticed the blood in my hands

My cat gave me a headless bird, and that left me shaken

Somehow, he ended up cradling my hysteric form as i cried

After i calmed down and thanked him for trying to comfort me, he said it was nothing and left

He looked very confused the whole time

--

Halloween was around the corner, and i decided I'm aiming for traumatizing people.

i took out my make-up, pulled up a 5 minutes craft video, and tried my best to imitate.

turns out im very good at make-up. it looked like someone cut up my face and blood was oozing out!

of course, a demon had to show up now of all times

i look at the light, and the demon comes out of it twirling like a ballerina.

he seems like a weird guy

"You've summoned me, Asmo-oh my! you're hurt. sorry, but I'm not really fit for this kind of things" he said, eyeing me up and down "unless you have a good payment for it~"

"...ignoring that, I'm not actually hurt. This is just make-up!"

"Oooh! That is pretty good, would fooled anyone! but it's not cute at all. let me show you how to look hella cute" he comes close, nabbing a make-up sponge out of nowhere

"W-wait! I'm doing this for halloween!! I want to look scary!" He grabs the makeup remover and grabs my face

"C'mon, sweetheart, scary is overrated! Just let Asmodeus take care of it~"

--

Once again, it is 3 am. I need a better sleeping schedule.

I'm in the kitchen making some hot chocolate, when he came. In all his grumpy glory holding a pillow.

"Dammit, what the fuck do you want, human"

Oh

His voice was laced with malice

His eyes stared me down with hatred

He was murderous

I need to be careful around this one

...but

It's 3 am. I'm tired. Too tired to deal with this shit.

I return to my hot chocolate on the stove "want some hot coaco?" He squinted at me, warily

Fair. I'm a stranger after all

"What kind of ploy-"

"Just hot chocolate" i grab more milk, more choco. Maybe I'll add more marshmallows too "I'm planning to drink some at the roof. The stars look bright tonight. Wanna join?"

He was still untrutsful, he was still wary, but when i put a cup im front of him and headed upstairs, he followed.

He just sat quietly, i tried my best to not look at him a lot, try making him feel safe.

It was nice. We didn't talk, we stayed far away from each other. He left his cup for me to clean.

But it was nice

--

Shit shit shitshitshitshi-

That's all i can think of as i scramble to get on top of the table. Im so not fit for this

A light, my savior, appeared leaving behind green haired demon

Yes, he's gonna-and he's already on top of the fridge, staring in fear

"WHAT Are you doing?!" I screamed cause what the fuck??

"You must have Misunderstood something. I am not to be summoned for such things"

"... WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF YOU HAVING ALL THIS DEMONIC POWERS IF YOU'RE SCARED OF A FUCKING RAT"

"May I remind you that you too-"

Meow

"*Gasp*, Satan!" I yelled in relief as my fluffy hero came and chased the mouse out of the room

"Pfft"

"You got a problem with my kitty?" I grumbled, getting off the table on shaky legs to get tan-tan, my hero, some treats and cuddles

Unlike a certain someone who's still on top of the fridge

"Not at all, it just reminds me of someone" he hopped off the fridge and came to give my kitty a few pet

I smiled. Seems like demons like cats.

Or maybe satan is a demon cat

"if that's all, i will be going then. I still have duties to finish"

And just like that, he vanished.

Squeak

Oh. Right.

The mouse is still in the house somewhere

--

Alright, time to work

I'm sitting cross-legged, tablet on my thighs, stylus in my hand and trying figure out how hair works

"Ah. Where...am i?" He asks, looking very confused

A bright light, much brighter than any other appeared, and the person who came out of it seemed to glow

That's a first

"You're in my house. You don’t..look like a demon?? Sorry if that..offends you?"

"Don't worry, I'm not offended at all" he waved his hand dismissively "I'm not a demon, though. I'm an angel. Were you trying to summon a demon?"

"No, they actually just suddenly appear around me. I didn't know this could happen to an angel"

"Well, i didn't know an angel could be summoned" he looked kinda dazed

Im not sure what to do

"Are you..okay?" He looked at me for a moment, a soft smile plastered on his face

"No"

"...do you, want to drink something? I could fix you some coffee"

"Yes, that would be delightful. Thank you" he slowly dropped to the ground, staring at a spot on the wall

It was very awkward until he realised he could just leave

I think he's got an existential crisis to deal with

--

This time I didn’t see a bright light, i heard a 10 year-old scream

I ran out of the kitchen, an egg still in my hand to see who the fuck is screaming in my living room

Lo and behold, it was a 10 year old

"Wh-where am i?! Why am i here?! Did-did you do this??!" The kid was near tears at that point

"Hey, hey hey, calm down" i slowly drop to my knees "it's alright, buddy. i know suddenly being transported here is very scary. Is this your first time?"

"Alright, thank you for telling me," he's glowing like the other angel. An angel too? "You're in my house right now. Do you know how to do magic? Like teleports and stuff? So you can get back home?"

"Y-yes" he's still near tears. He’s also far away from me, untrusting, but he's not screaming. I call that a success

He sniffs, then lowers the arms that were shielding him

"No, b-but I'm sure simeon will know that I'm here and will come get me!"

"That's great! But it might take him a while to figure out where you are. Do you wanna help me make some cupcakes until then? You'll of course take some home with you" he brightened up at that. So cute

"Y-yes! What kind of cupcakes are we making? Is that the kitchen? I happen to have these ingredients that are from the celestial realm and will make the cupcakes taste better!"

I smiled as i entered the kitchen behind him. He's so cute

"Seems like you know how to bake"

"Of course! I love baking things, and all the angels say that my baking is good! Don't worry, with me here your cupcakes will be the best cupcakes you've ever tasted! Simeon says that-" and like that he's taken over my batter and started adding stuff to it, only needing my assistance when something is on a higher shelf

An hour later, the same angel from before ("Simeon, look! We made cupcakes! Want one?) Came and took the lil' guy ("what's your name? I'm luke!") Away, promising him that he can have more play dates with me when I'm free

The guy, Simeon, looked like ge has yet to recover from his existential crisis

--

And just like that, the demons and angels kept being coming

"Oi, you will not believe how much money this scheme got me-"

And going

"Sorryy, but i gotta go now. How about we go to that centre next time?"

They kept coming with their antics

"Hah! Noob"

"At least not a normie anymore"

With their surprises

"What do you mean you're the prince of devildom? How the fuck do you keep ending up here?? Aren't you supposed to be the hardest to summon???"

With their favors

"MC! I am so happy i got here I've just found a new recipe in this book can we try it??"

With their worries

"My twin has been acting weird. He’s less objecting of lucifers plans, but its..very strange? and of coming out of nowhere"

Some still get shaken whenever they come

"Oh. I'm here again. I, thought it was gonna be that one time. Ha ha."

"...how about you sit down. On the couch this time"

And some decide to leave the second they see my face

"Oh, my apologies, but i must-"

"You will sit your ass down and you will drink the tea i make you or i swear i will-"

...Some have found out my address and just decided to make my house theirs

"Hey, apprentice! How about we learn how to-"

"Solomon, we've trained for 5 damn hours yesterday. I'm not uttering a single spell until I, at the very least, eat some damned breakfast"

I started learning more about them

"You named your cat after me?!"

"Your name is satan?!"

I started seeing them grow more comfortable around me

"I don't like humans, but, maybe not all humans are bad"

"...that sound kinda racist-"

"You know what I mean"

Months passed by, and I'm pretty sure i became close with all of them

Until the unimaginable happened

I got summoned

In a flash of light, i was somewhere else wearing different clothes(do their clothes also change?) I looked around to see-

"Guys!!" I screamed happily, it's always fun being around them

"MC!!" They screamed, their enthusiasm matching mine, but they all suddenly froze

"Wait, you know mc??" They turned to each other very confused, and suddenly questions were thrown, their voices growing louder and louder, and im just looking at them contemplating whether to break up the fight that will inevitably star-

"Silence!" A black haired demon suddenly yelled, and everyone stopped yelling "how do you all know of this human?"

Everyone stared at him, gears turning in their minds.

"LoL, Lucifer's the only one who doesn't MC"

They all joined forces (except for beel, the sweetheart) to tease black hair( Lucifer?) Over not being summoned before

"...are they always this loud?" I turn to Barbatos, who's looking very amused

"Yes, they've always been like this"

"Did you really never meet Lucifer, mc?"

"Ive heard of him. They always complain about him, especially satan and belphie"

"Well, worry not! I'd be more than glad to tell you all about Lucifer! I know the most about him, as he's my right hand man after all"

"...I thought you were talking about Barbs, your literal butler. The same guy who's taken care of since you were a baby" i heard a sigh from the greenette beside me

"One can only dream"

-- *bonus*

Knock knock

I looked at the door tiredly. Why would they willingly come to me at 1 am

still, I get up to open the door, and behind it was no other than Lucifer.

Weird, i could've sworn he was trying to avoid me all day

"Ahem, i apologise for disturbing you at this late hour. May i talk to you for a moment?" I let him into my room, then plop myself on one of the cushions on the floor.

He looked at me hesitantly

"You dont have to sit on the floor. There are chairs over there if you want" i say, but he shakes his head. He then attempts to, very awkwardly, sit on a cushion on the floor

Alright then

"So, what do you want to talk about" he looks out of his depth. Like he doesn't know what to say

Fair. No one knows how to talk properly at 1 am, and he looks like he'd rather get a seizure than talk in anything less than formal.

So I just accepted that this might take a while, and started playing with a rubiks cube satan gave me

I hate this cube

After a long moment of lucifer staring at me, he sighed

"I heard that you're the reason belphegor's..views on humans have changed"

"I guess that's what happened? I'm not really sure I'm the reason though. All I've done is give him some drinks or food, lend him my bed and occasionally talk to him. I didn't even try to change anything" i scratched my neck. This is somehow more awkward than Simeon's first visit

"Nonetheless, you were a big reason for what my brother's change, and I've noticed some changes in my other siblings. Positive changes."

"Well, it's nice knowing that I'm a good influence?" I really want him to just get over it. It's late and he's in my room and it's just very awkward

He looks at me for a moment, open his mouth to say-

"For fuck’s sake, Lucifer, just thank them already"

"Belphie! What are you doing in the exchange student's bed?" He asks very accusatory, as if he's not in the 'exchange student's' room so late into the night

"He’s been passed out there since dinner"

"And where were you planning on sleeping tonight" that's a trick question that i know the answer to

"LoL what's sleep" and i instantly regret saying that. That was not the right answer. His face is screaming it

"Just stay out of trouble, human" he gets up and goes to leave the room

He stops at the door way, and looks me in the eye

"Continue being a good influence on my brothers" then he closed the door behind him

"Don't worry," belphie yawns in his pillow " he's just like that. I'm sure you're be able to turn him around"

"Just make sure not to capture his heart too" he mumbled as he went back into deep slumber

Hah. Don't worry belphie

There's no way someone could like me in that way

I continue tinkering with the cube, solving it a couple of time, forget how to solve the xube and get frustrated, and before I knew it the sun was up again

Another day of trying to survive the boys' shenanigans

And I cant help but smile at that

[ordonianhero]

Spicy cucoo sandwich

Legend: hylia, this is spicy. Good but- witnesses Twilight just full on wolf it down. What the hell Rancher?!

Twilight: what? It’s good.

Legend: but the spicyness

Four: spicyness is not even a word.

Legend: okay book worm.

Sky:how’d you’d make this?

Wild: eyes twilight

Twilight: eyes wild

Four: just tell him, or I will.

Warriors: fanning his mouth, like that would help.

Time: drinking milk, he knows all to well what spice does to him.

Twilight: Sky, you know the Cucoos at Lon Lon Ranch?

Sky: yeah, they are so cute.

Legend: they’re demons with wings.

Wild: you’re eating a cucoo that was is battered in goron spice. Then deep fried.

Sky:

Twilight: farm animals are not often kept as pets, often they are used to make food. Either killed to be eaten or used to make things like milk, butter, farm for their stuff, like eggs. Sorry bud.

Sky: I understand.

Wild: but you asked so i will share with you how i make this. So i told you in make a batter with goron spice. Then fry it. Next you put spicy mayo on the under part of the top bun. Put the fried spicy cucoo on the other bun, ad some cheese (Usually to help cut the bite of the spice) top it with pickles and then place the top bun on top, and there you have it. Spicy cucoo sandwich.

Warriors: to Twilight how the heck are you able to handle the spice?

Wild: oh, I can answer that one. He has a high tolerance for spice. Not everyone can.

Twilight: also being around the Champion meant expect the unexpected chuckles and hands Warriors a bottle of goats milk.

Wind: I bet we could make a spicy challenge one day.

Four: and have messed up tummy for day, no thank you.

Legend: I am game.

Warriors: me too.

Twilight: you’ve all ready lost, you sweating like a water fall and can’t even finish it.

Time: I will be the wise one and not part take.

Hyrule: yeah i dont think i could handle that.

Sky: same, but thank you for lunch wild.

Everyone: thank you champion.

Wild: you’re welcome.

[jackdoe]

Ok, i actually love the depiction of the Lord of Hells in EXU: Calamity. Very classical Biblical Devil, "I hate that God loves humanity more then Perfect Me, So now I will devote my life to torchering them for existing!" Combined with a great performance by Brennan. Hes menesing, deranged, and charismatic all in one, A+ character work.

That being said, (and if you've been paying attention I probably sound like a broken record here), At some point we have to address the Elementals.

The Betrayers are certainly not good guys in this situation, they very much seem to be motivated by their own selfishness, but I don't think it's out of line to say the Primordials were kind of Justified in their campaign against the Gods. The Prime Deities came to Exandria and started Terraforming it, now from what Asmodeus said, they did so with the blessing of the Primordials, he is howevera big liar so who's to say what is the truth here, my interpretation is that he was using the Truth to manipulate, in that I dont think he actually cares about the Primordials, he just uses their story to make himself look like a hero but I digress. The gods then over extended on their contract when the they gave mortals the ability to use Magic.

Now we don't really know what the Elementals relationship to magical energies are but from this context it seems like it's a fundamental resource to their existence that the Gods started siphoning away to give to their creations. And then when the Primordials began a campaign to take back their home and resources, they were smacked down, incarcerated, or out right killed.

And if you think this story sounds familiar, you're where I am now.

And I understand the mentally of "The Gods were just defending mortal life." I get it. I am a mortal life and I would be very bias against an Entitie who wishes to destroy me, I would value my own existence over something that's very nature is alien to my own, but this is D&D, where anyone and anything has the right to Personhood and Existance, no matter how alien they may appear, including but not limited to Robots, Slimes, Demons, Giant Bugs, Psychic Squid People, and sometimes even Sentient Sandwiches that float around using a Mage Hand.

At some point I hope that Critical Role does give these beings the Dignity and Nuance they deserve. To do anything less would be a waste.

[flower-of-assiah]

shiemi love:

- she's very strong. even tho she's portrayed and seen as weak in the beginning, izumo was totally right in chapter 18 (i think) when she said that shiemi is "indestructible as weeds" (at least that's the german version, i dont know the english one sorry. it's when both shiemi and izumo were send to pick herbs in kyoto)

- kind, gentle and patient with everyone, hardly yells at someone or loses her temper

- stubborn, but in the "i'm not giving up" and "i need to protect my friends" kind of way

- she cares so much about everyone else, it makes me tear up

- she's literally always thinking about her friends and how to protect them (even when she was taken away and didn't see them for more than a year)

- i love how she's with people who hate(d) or dislike(d) her, like with izumo. even after izumo told her that she hated shiemi, shiemi didn't hate her back, instead she was even kinder

- how she's with nii, kuro (see extras) and basically every other nice demon uwu

- it makes me sad that she tries so hard to pretend to be an adult and to catch up to everyone :( girl you're perfect, you just need confidence

- when she made sandwiches for everyone (even for takara)

- and said they maybe aren't that tasty but very healthy

- there are so many things about her i love , big and small things

YES! I agree on all of these so much! thank you for sharing all the Shiemi love and reasons you adore her!

gonna add some Shiemi images here:

[msmarvelouswinchester]

Chan's 1k Followers Challenge!

To commemorate my 1k followers milestone, I decided to hold a little writing challenge for you guys!

Now there's a twist, more like a spin because it'll be Spin The Wheel Challenge! The rules are a little...baffling, so please read them carefully and you have to be 18+ and you don't necessarily have to follow me but it'll be nice!

The general rules are as follows -

You can write for both Sam and Dean (I wouldn't say no to a Winchester sandwich either). All versions of the Winchesters (demon, soulless, AUs, are welcome)

Other than the SPN fandom, you can write for Marvel, Lucifer, Shadow&Bone, 911, Bridgerton

You can also write for Jensen and Jared (or a J2 sandwich), Ben Barnes, Chris Evans too. Honestly, if you want to write for characters not mentioned here, go for it! No worries, let the imagination run wild.

Characters x male readers are welcomed as well

The only donts here are - No Wincest or Destiel (not a fan, not a shipper), no underage smut, no wife-hate.

AUs and A/B/O verse fics are highly welcomed as well as non-cons and dubcons.

Minimum words - 500, maximum - there's no limit but I will prefer if you keep it as an oneshot or even a three parts miniseries.

Now that we are done with the general rules, let's dive into the rules specific to the game!

So I have five sets of different prompt lists - Set A include Song Prompts, Set B includes AU prompts and so on.

There are fifteen prompts in each sets (if necessary, I'll add more)

What you'll do is that you'll send me an ask or a message with the letter of your chosen set (A, B, C, D or E) and then I'll spin the wheel and on whichever number the arrow lands, is your prompt.

To participate you have to choose at least one set but the maximum number of sets you can choose? All five of them! Let the creativity run wild people!

Due date for submission - 30th January (but of course, if you need more time, just lemme know)

Tag me in the A/N when you post your fic and you can also use the #chans1kspinthewheel when you post!

That's it for the rules, if you have any questions, feel free to ask me, happy writing!

You can find the prompt list down below and this is the online spin the wheel which will be used.

Prompt List

A - SONG PROMPTS (I put my spotify on shuffle for this)

Exile by Taylor Swift, Bon Iver

You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC

Favourite Crime by Olivia Rodrigo

Creep by Radiohead

The Night We Met by Lord Huron

Happier than Ever by Billie Eilish

Never Worn White by Katy Perry

You Are The Reason by Calum Scott

Hey Jude by The Beatles

Perfect by One Direction

She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5

Love The Way You Lie (part 2) by Rihanna, Eminem

Night Moves by Bob Seger

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

Say You Won’t Let Go by James Arthur

B - AU PROMPTS

Neighbors AU

Hospital AU

College AU

Serial Killer AU

Hallmark AU

Domestic AU

Mafia AU

Soulmate AU

Road Trip AU

Witch AU

Professor AU

Rockstar AU

Royalty AU

Stripper AU

Single Parent AU

C - TROPES PROMPTS

Enemies to Lovers

Fake Dating

Bestfriends/Friends to Lovers

Blind Date

Arranged Marriage

Bed Sharing

Fix-it

Mutual Pining

Hurt/Comfort

Huddling for Warmth

Slow Burn

First Time

Opposites Attract

Friends With Benefit

Secret Admirers

D - Dialogue Prompts

“Can you kiss me again? I wasn’t ready.”

“You weren't there when I needed you the most.”

“I didn’t think it was possible to love someone this much.”

“Do I look like I’m messing around? Do I look like I won’t punish you?”

“Don’t pretend like you’re not happy to see me like this.”

“You’re not giving me much of a choice.”

“You’d better be quiet if you don’t want to get caught.”

“You look so good on your knees like that.”

“Those things you said yesterday…Did you mean them?

“Do you want me to leave?”

“How was I such an idiot, to believe that you, out of all people, could ever love me?”

“Take my hand. Just trust me.”

“I could never get tired of you.”

“It wasn’t supposed to end this way.”

“Oh honey, you know, you really shouldn’t tease me.”

E - NSFW PROMPTS

Sex Pollen

Fuck or Die

Beard kink

Breeding Kink

Publix Sex

Shower Sex

Mutual Masturbation

Dirty Talk

Cockwarming

Mirror Sex

Orgasm Denial

Oral Sex (fem or male)

Edging

Sexting

Roleplay