#i hate having a job why cant i just draw and write these three all day

[fayewoodss]

dont fight the dnn demons, after all of this we deserve to let them out. Snf should go one either side of dream to try and atack him with Kisses but dream crouches and snf end up kissing each other. Dream laughts but now snf are going to declare war now

You know what, hell yeah!! Release the demons!!! I shared this little idea with my discord homies hehehe:

Now that Dream is canonically autistic (hehe) and George and Sapnap also being clearly neurodivergent, I was thinking a lot about pressure and body weight. It could work for any pairing, but focusing on DNN at this moment in time, Dream just being very high anxiety nearing a meltdown and none of his coping strategies and regulation tools are helping. Sapnap and George find him in his office and gently lead him to the bed. They throw off all pillows and blankets, just their bodies on a mattress. George climbs on top of him first, spreading out over him, chest to chest with his face in his neck. Sapnap is always the top of the sandwich. He's not as even in spreading his weight as George is, but he'll lay in ways that still provide that comforting pressure while not overwhelming either of them. Eventually, their breathing all falls in sync and they just lay together quietly for however long Dream needs.

And if they fall asleep together it just gives me more reason to revive this old drawing:

[amethyinst]

god im thinking gale post war. he's got a kafkaesque middling bureaucrat position on government or perhaps something like 'minister for outreach' or some bs job. mostly there to be the attractive young face of the new government.

his friends are all 40yo rebel leaders turned bureaucrats and posy his 6yo little sister who writes him pen pal letters from district 12 where she is going to school (its an assignment where you write to a pen pal from another district and she was like i pick my brother Comrade Gale Hawthorne Of The Rebellion and the teacher is like well i meant another kid from another district but okay then.)

she's only now learning to write so its mostly little kid stick drawings in her new gel pens he bought her with a note from hazelle asking if he's eating enough and that katniss asked about him. and he reads them crying while getting whiskey drunk at 9pm. and he writes back like hello posy what a lovely drawing tell mummy im doing absolutely fine and please dont bother katniss about me but also is she okay does she talk about me is she happy is she mad please and thank you lovely pen colour by the way.

he is engaged to a female rebel about his age maybe a little older. i have named her evjenny a future dystopia spelling of yevgenia russian form of eugenia meaning 'good breeding'. because its funny to me for him to go full bolshevik. she's from district 5 a slightly wealthier district in comparison to the outliers like 10, 11, 12. she's a little uptight, very type-a, respects gale, loves the state, believes in black-and-white justice. thinks katniss is mostly a propaganda creation and that she's a little weepy but good for morale. has a pet bird she is wanting to teach human language to.

vaguely know each other from the little inter-district rebel communications that coin allowed. coin off-handedly mentioned that she respected her so when The Powers That Be were arranging propaganda couples to marry (they didnt call it that ofc) he was like yeah okay she seems fine.

meet each other at panem galas that are about like fostering relations between the districts. TPTB are like ah gale this is evjenny you are attractive young people you should chat. we did not plan this we did not have several meetings planning this. they bond over hating all the former capitol turned rebel folks.

evjenny (evjen for short, she says, because it is efficient) mentions that she enjoyed gale more than katniss in the propos because gale was an 'actual working man' as opposed to katniss (who is the equivalent of a kardashian to her). and gale is like. Eye twitch. thank you. i enjoyed when you organised that power plant to get blown up and she goes thank you it did take a lot of work. she is not joking she's just a very serious person. they go on like five 'dates' (paparazzi outings) and they agree to marry with a handshake three months after meeting. (there is a more official ceremony where evjen pops the question on tv with a sensible steel ring)

their marriage is like an absolute flop cos gale has a drinking problem and evjen is like if a robot was a 15yo girl and that 15yo girl got parentified because the russian revolution happened. she's not even like jealous about katniss at first until it becomes insanely obvious that gale has like deified / villainised katniss in his head not even deliberately she just represents the past/future he can never have. so evjen is like okay but why cant you just repress it better why are you making it my problem? this is not important we are literally rebuilding a government and you are getting winedrunk over your childhood situationship Man Up.

they have a daughter the first year of marriage who plutarch wanted to name peace but he got outvoted and they (evjen and gale but also The Powers That Be) settled on pax. gale calls her sweetpea :) pax hawthorne is kind of a child star from birth which evjen is fine with cos its for The Greater Good but gale is like. This Is What They Did To Katniss. but he cant say that because he banned all mentions of her.

after a few years of fail marriage they choose to get pregnant again to try and save it (BAD IDEA) and they have another daughter. The Naming Committee was a nine month process all the way till the fuckn day of childbirth. they wanted something evocative of olive branch imagery. olivia was considered but they vetoed it cos it sounded too capitol (plutarch was miffed about it and left that committee) then olive but since that's the skin colour they vetoed that too even though gale liked it. eventually went with dove :) because gale has apparently not had enough damn birds in his life

i think they do divorce once an appropriate amount of time has passed where its not bad optics. gale 3Ds (drunk, divorced, dilf) is very important to me. anyway this post is long enough my bad

[hballegro]

chapter 8. the biggie. part 1.

it is now i reveal a terrible secret to you all;

you can ctrl+f this chapter and compare it to If-- by Rudyard Kipling. and you will find that every god damn word in that stupid poem appears at least once. there are also a few paraphrased lines in there that you might notice.

WHY???

[i am very bad when it comes to gaging ppl's knowledge of poems i think everyone already knows, so yeah, the poem they're sharing is If- by Rudyard Kipling. easy for me to recognize personally because my mom memorized it all in school and would say it to me sometimes]

this process included me writing the whole thing out by hand, ctrl + f for all of the words, highlighting the ones that i had yet to use, and then keeping the list next to me while editing the first draft

and if you didnt notice this fact at all. that means i did a GOOD JOB!! cause its SUPPOSED TO BLEND IN SEAMLESSLY!!

yknow. its the moment hawkeye fell head-over-heels. and bj too, maybe. so ofc i had to include it in the chapter where they finally Kiss. they havent worked it all out yet yeah but. cmon. i cant just not. my options were to either have one of them reference it directly [im bad at that, and would be ham-fisted], or do this insane strat. and i picked the worst option. fuckin Knaves i hate you rudyard kipling for this and other reasons

also; shouted out in the ao3 endnotes but ill do it here to all sneaky-like, shout out to serpercival for both motivating me to put trapper in this chapter via loving the guy a lot and for letting me use their marvelous brain to pick out some subtle nods to Trapper John MD. i dont wanna @ people but hehe i can still link their page >:]

anyway: the painting peg talks abt being erin's favourite is California Spring, as she says, and here it is

folks i can finally use this meme i made back before i even finished chapter 4

shoutout to this video for being great to have in the bg underneath my sad love music to really set the scene. Loon moment

if you liked how papa Daniel Pierce acted in this, good! hes based off my childhood best friend's mom! she was very intimidating and always had this serious look on her face but the very first time i went over to their house she went 'psst. [best friend]. hball. come over here my husband is gonna come up the stairs and you should jump out and scare him' within the first 20 minutes!!

so basically hes stern/serious/intimidating [formal letters, the kind of man to not want to worry his son, idk just feels right] but goofy as shit and its all a facade [had hawkeye so he gotta be a lil silly, dinner table talk in Sons and Bowlers]

if you liked how i described hawkeye's childhood home GOOD!! i was describing my grandmother's house the whole time and you didnt even know. that ugly sofa is a thing my grandpa did. get pranked. always draw on experience when possible folks

i plan to have the next chapter out two days from now. THREE at the LATEST. and tomorrow i plan to publish the next Operating in Limbo chapter ~sometime~ before midnight [my time. central time.], or like 1am at the latest since i can stay up late tomorrow. unless the Troubles.

reward for scrolling this far; my saga of proto-names being shit like 'ooga booga' continues in the form of this being the working title for the Big Conversation chapter;

[breaniebree]

hello. im new to tumblr so i dont really know how asks work but im going to try. my question is what made you make theodore notts boyfriend harry 2.0? if you dont know what i mean im going to describe either sebastian kane or harry potter and you can tell me which one im talking about

- tall

- dark hair

- short dark facial hair

- muscular and fit

- beautiful eyes

- very well endowed

- is an auror

- speaks french

- has two siblings

- has pets

- has three kids, two boys and then a girl

- is the center of a trio —> two best friends, a boy and a girl

- amazing in bed

- loves quidditch

- highly skilled and powerful

- very brave

- powerful and intimidating but is actually a huge softie

- has deep rooted insecurities because of how he was treated in the past

- soulmates with his partner which is supposed to be extremely rare

- matching patronus with his partner

- has a partner who is a victim of sexual assault

- can be grumpy/moody at times

- crime fighting duo with his male best friend

- hes often teased especially for being so adorable

i could go on. but can you tell which one im talking about? because i cant. they r essentially the exact same character only kane is older, taller, more muscular, more skilled, higher ranked auror, etc,. it seems as though most of your female audience is in love with harry or in love with kane and no one notices how similar they are. but as a sirius girl myself i view it more objectively. its not a bad thing i just noticed and want to know why you essentially copied and pasted a character in a slightly different font. kane seems like a gay, upgraded version of harry in my opinion. is it supposed to serve as a parallel between ginny weasley and theodores notts characters? i enjoy analyzing literature and its hidden meanings so i just want to know if this is intentional in your fanfiction

p.s the epilogues are great i really enjoy reading them

Hi, Anon,

I do think Harry and Sebastian have a lot of similarities, yes, but I do not consider Bas to be Harry 2.0 at all. Both tall with dark hair and nice eyes really isn't saying much as I can personally list five people I know like that. Harry's eyes are green, Bas's are blue. Bas is lazy with his stubble and hates shaving, but doesn't have a beard. Harry keeps a stubble beard. Muscular and fit is part of their jobs. I think most people tend to have a trio when it comes to friends so to me that makes sense. Bas is highly skilled and powerful because it's his job, but he's not as powerful as Harry by any means. Yes, there are a lot of similarities, but he's very different from Harry and Ginny and Theo are a bit similar but that's what draws them together as best friends.

You can analyze all you want, but I can promise you, no author writes with the intention of their work being analyzed in that fashion. I've never once written something and thought "I wrote that their eating spaghetti but someone is going to see that symbolizes the need for comfort due to blah blah blah" which I always found funny when taking English class in school. It wasn't intentional for me to make them similar and while I do see similarities between the two characters, there are a lot of things you listed above as being a bit reaching in my opinion.

But I find it fascinating that you think so.

Thank you for reading and I hope you continue to enjoy (and analyze if you like) my story. Thank you very much!

[pettyprocrastination]

for the love of god please give us some austin powers!whiskey headcanons o queen of au's 😔we're just sluts for ur content

My mf babe boo lee validating this dumb au that i love so fucking much aksksks i have like two hours before all the thanksgiving stuff happens so if anybody wants to send me whiskey shit for this au DO IT!!!

warnings: uhh talk of sex and porn, foul language. theres zero organization or skill put into these i just threw ‘em out there lmao

So the general consensus of this au for those who dont know, is an austin powers au. Yes i said that. 

Jack “whiskey” Daniels is an statesmen from the 70’s who is hailed as a legend for all the lives hes saved and ploys for global terrorism he’d stopped. In his prime, he was cryogenically frozen until the statesmen would need him at a later date (reasoning behind this is vague, even whiskey himself doesnt remember why. He get flashes of distant memories and emotions around it all, but they're gone as soon as they come.)

Cut to modern time, you’re scotch. One of the best agents who’s known for getting the job done with little to no issues, but not known to be a socializer. You are tasked as agent whiskey’s new partner as he is unfrozen and helping him adapt to the new world. 

Now lets get into the fun stuff

With adapting to the new world, you had to teach whiskey about the internet and my god was that tiring. 

He still doesn't get the point of dating apps. “I don’t need a little device to help me get laid, i do just fine with my charms and southern hospitality.” you're pretty sure he only says that because he cant figure out how the fuck to use tinder but you let it go. 

Whiskey hates porn. Like DESPISES it. This is something he decided to tell you with an “urgent” phone call at three in the fucking morning. 

“She’s faking! Thayer all faking!! What’s the point if she doesn’t enjoy it? It’s all a lie! This poor woman looks like she’s in pain!! They’ve made sex a production!! What has this world come to!?!”

You hang up and go back to sleep. 

But yeah whiskey hates it. It’s all fake and over the top and just...not what he thinks sex should be. 

To him sex isn’t a production or a race. It’s a celebration of attraction between consenting adults.  

He enjoys the ametur made stuff, where there’s legitimate attraction between those involved

This doesn't mean he’s vanilla in anyway, he just hates that porn isnt really...sex. Its not mutual pleasure, its all jarring categories, fake moaning and very sexist foundation. 

Once he finds the animal video part of the internet? Oh he’s as good as gone. He thin begins to send you links to videos' showcasing friendships between unlikely pairs, such as a sea lion and a horse, or a monkey and a ferret. You don’t tell him that you watch them all late at night when you cant sleep.

He fucking loves nature documentaries. Especially deep sea ones, focusing on fish that light up or are see-through and shit like that. 

If you watch them with him you admit its...kind of adorable. Like seeing a kid all wide-eyed at the aquarium. 

“You know what’d make this really interesting??”

“We aren’t doing lsd while watching blue planet, stop asking me that.”

He’s done drugs, like, a lot back in the day. Statesmen is stricter now, with regular mandatory drug tests so whiskey cant go out, partying like a madman and taking whatever he pleases. 

Whiskey is bisexual . As is basically everybody i write so when you tell him same sex marriage is legal in all 50 states he legit tears up. 

“Never thought I’d live to see the day.” hes so overjoyed at the news. He knows there's still a long way to go but seeing that, something he’d only dreamed and fantasize about while drawing shapes on the chest of his lover? Oh it makes his heart soar. 

Whiskey is a man with brazen sexuality but of course aware of boundaries. First day you met him you turned down his advances, he accepted this and then decided to latch on as your best friend AND wingman! :D

You cannot escape this fate you're stuck with him now. 

Anytime you go out to a bar he scouts for potential suitors. “How about the blonde at the counter, they're your style!” and before you can tell him NO he’s already swaggering over and chatting you up to them. 

Whiskey, although you hate to say it, is a charming man. Hes kind and suave and will sing the praises of somebody hed only just met and have them melting in a puddle right in front of him. It’s annoying really. You have to listen to all the women at work swoon over him and talk about how youre soooo lucky to be working with him. He must be such a dream in the field. What's it like?

You plainly tell them that the other day you saw him get stuck in a revolving door and he asked for your help.

To get out

Of a door. 

You will NEVER admit this to him but when you were a green agent?? Just starting out?? You had a major crush on the legendary agent whiskey. You’d only seen the photos and heard the stories but god you thought he was amazing. 

Then you became a skilled agent yourself (perhaps also talented with a whip and lasso) and finally met the man himself when he was unfrozen. 

Whiskey calls you “little filly” and will make jokes about how you need to respect your elders. You know since he’s technically like 89 years old lmao. 

Whiskey hates that women gotta shave, he thinks you should do it if you want but the societal pressure of it? He hates it. 

And lets be real, he’s a man of the 70’s so he fucking worships bush. (the pussy not the president) (i have a lot of thoughts on this)

He can and will go down for hours on end, almost selfish with it because he gets as much pleasure from it as you. Pressing kisses and nips on your thighs, mumbling praise against you, homeboy gets straight up pussy drunk and doesn’t know how to speak coherent sentences anymore. 

He’s a cuddler. Even before you started dating he was just very affectionate and touchy. You once had to sleep together for warmth on a mission where you were stuck in the middle of nowhere during winter and he nuzzled and cuddled you all night long with a dazed smile. (he’s also your own personal space heater so that’s nice)

You thought you were over the hype and worship of agent whiskey,and you are, but when you get to know him as a friend and not an agent. As Jack, the fool who cuddles and tries to pair you up and sings out of key while cooking? God help you, your heart starts beating when you see his dimples and big goofy smile and all you can think is. “Oh fuck.”

anyways i reall y love this au and have many thoughts please sedn requests or hcs or anything you want me to expand on <3

[shedaresthedevil]

It doesn't matter if you read this; i just need to get it out. (T.W; mentions of unaliving)

I'm tired.

I'm. so. tired.

I write to escape and process trauma. I write about love and intimacy and adventure so well because these are things that I crave and want but are too afraid to have or feel unworthy of having. I have resigned myself to dying alone with my best friend and our cats. And I'm fine with that, I really am. The less people you have in your life, the less pain you go through when you eventually lose them. I write to escape the reality that myself and my best friend both work full time jobs and make over 15/hour and still cannot afford a place together. I write to escape the grief that my platonic soulmate and their fiancé were taken from this world and that maybe, JUST maybe if I had listened to that little voice that said "Go left" they would still be alive. I write to escape from the reality of my life falling apart because poverty and capitalism feed off each other and capitalism always wins. I don't want to die but that might be easier than trying to fix everything. I tell everyone to just keep going, push through, take breaks if you need to but don't quit. I am exhausted by resilience. I am exhausted from being strong but I literally cannot afford to just rest. I am tired of trying to fix everything. why do I have to shoulder the blame and the responsibility? I find joy in little to nothing. I laugh at a lot of things because if I don't Ill just cry, but i am not happy. I am drowning. I can't force myself to cosplay anymore. I don't draw, or paint, and I barely read. The drum set I have sits in the corner of my room because i am too afraid of one more failure by trying to learn. I've lost three people I love in tragic ways in a span of less than five years, all before I am thirty. Every time things seem to be going my way, something kicks me in the teeth. Every time.

"Happiness is a choice."

BITCH, no the fuck its not. I would not actively choose to be this miserable if it was.

And I feel like a teenager again, complaining about things on the internet but I cant really complain anywhere else. Here, I'm anonymous. I cant talk to anyone I have left in real life because then its just days and days of people checking on me and worrying constantly and while its wonderful that they care, I do not want the looks of pity and I do not want them to carry that burden.

I want my Mom back. I want my friends back. I hate it here.

so, if you made it this far, im sorry. thanks for listening i guess.

gonna go write another matt fic and trauma dump about my dead mom to feed yall some angst.

[sa-suga]

all roads lead home

༶•┈┈ tsukishima kei x gn!reader | angst, eventual light fluff

༶•┈┈ general m.list | see it all in bloom m.list

warnings: language, childhood friends, they’re exes but it gets better i promise, almost all the karasuno boys stay on in miyagi

word count: 3.42k

prompt: i’ll name this city after you from my 500 followers event! - requested by anon and lyra @pyblos!

hi!!!!!! congratulations on the milestone! 🎉🎉🎉 I'll name this city after you + tsukki! for the event???

a/n: i hope you enjoy this! :”)

i have no clue how many i can request but i'm here to change my req to 16 with yachi and if you're willing, 12 with tsukki too!! hsbdjd i cant wait to see what you write i love your works pls they are so yUMMY

a/n: HI LYRA ILY i really appreciate you having been here since my very first fic aohdodsah,, i hope you like this!!

summary: You want (an apology, an explanation) to forget, and to get on the next train back to Tokyo, never mind that this is your first time visiting Miyagi in two years. Tsukishima wants to quit his shitty job as an overworked barista (at your favourite cafe, as if the night shifts weren’t tormenting enough). Tadashi just wants the three of you to have lunch together again. 

»»------------- ------------- ------------- ¤ ------------- ------------- -------------«« 

The sun is setting when you step off the train and onto a platform that you haven’t laid your eyes on in nearly two years. 

The vending machine that you used to rap your knuckles against in the hopes of knocking free an extra drink is still in the corner, as dirty and forlorn as you remember. It’s oddly reassuring. 

“Y/n!” Someone calls your name, and instinctively, you know who it is. 

Tadashi looks almost the same as he had when you’d graduated high school.

You throw your arms around his neck and jump, laughing at the small oof he wheezes out as his hands wrap around your waist, barely managing to keep the both of you upright.

“It’s nice to see you again, Y/n.” He smiles, bright and earnest, and you let go of his shoulders to pull at his cheeks. “Hey, stop that, or I’ll drop you!”

You stick your tongue out at him childishly, but relent. He sets you back on the ground, and you turn back to pick up the bag you’d dropped. “Come on, let’s go home.”

»»------------- ------------- ------------- ¤ ------------- ------------- -------------«« 

The peace doesn’t last. 

You really should have known, what with the way Tadashi has been sneaking glances at you on the way out of the station. You’ve known him long enough to know what that expression means - he looks at you like he has something to say, but isn’t sure if he should, and that’s perfectly fine with you. 

You’re starting to think you just might make it all the way home when a corner of the night sky chips and falls away, cracking right down the middle as your best friend says softly, “You should go home.” 

You freeze. You know, instantly, what - who - he’s talking about. 

The betrayal stings the back of your throat like bile. 

You look away, fixing your eyes angrily - you can’t help it, Tadashi knows that you hate talking about this, about him, but he’d asked anyway - on the dried leaf skittering across the abandoned playground, at the mercy of the wind. “I am home,” you point out uncooperatively, “that’s why I’m back in this shithole.”

“That’s not what I meant,” your best friend says into the night air, still in that annoyingly gentle way of his that makes you want to scream into the empty streets of this empty town, but says nothing more. 

Two years later, and Tadashi still reads you as easily as he had when the two of you were six and tracing the lines on your palms. Dancing on the edge of a cliff but stopping just short of falling over. 

“Y/n?” Fuck, of course you’d wander into him on your first night back, the universe has a personal vendetta against you, how could you have forgotten. 

Next to you, Tadashi has gone very, very silent. And still. A little like a mouse stuck between a cat and a snake; relieved to have been momentarily saved from the clutches of one, newly worried about both, and too afraid of drawing attention to run away. 

You’d laugh, if it weren’t for the rage rising in the back of your throat like bile. 

“Y/n,” the bastard behind you repeats, “I didn’t know you were back.”

Slowly, you turn. Tsukishima looks just as you remember - stupid glasses on a stupid face; as aggravating as he is beautiful. 

(Something in your chest - no, not your heart - aches. You reach down and crush it between your fingers the way you used to crumple the torn pages of your notebook into little balls, to throw them at Tadashi, or-)

“Tsukishima,” your voice is even, good, “I don’t see why it’s any of your business.” 

He flinches - a minute action you would have missed if you didn’t already know him better than the old callouses on your palm. Good, you think again more vindictively - except his eyes are widening just slightly in shock, two gold pools like shadowed streetlamps, and suddenly you’re eighteen again.

You’re eighteen, and in love, and you’re blind enough to say, I would do anything for you, I would scrape my knees on metaphorical sidewalks everyday for the rest of my life if I had to, just to make you smile. 

You’re eighteen, and you’re foolish enough to think, I would give you the world if you asked, surely you’d let me have your heart; your tiny hometown, your little safehouse. 

You're eighteen, and you’re in love - and then you realize he’s not, not the way you are, and you fall on your empty sidewalks because it hurts and it tears you apart, but most of all you hate that you still care. 

You hated being eighteen.

“If that’s all you wanted to say,” you continue coldly, “I’m leaving.”

You turn on your heel, avoiding Tadashi’s eyes. You won’t make him choose - you can’t do that to him.

Tsukishima says nothing as you stalk away down the empty streets and towards the house you grew up in. 

(Somehow, you’re disappointed.

You tell yourself it’s because it’s been a long day.)

“Y/n, wait!” Tadashi calls, and you lengthen your strides even as you hear his puffs of breath behind you. “Y/n!”

“What,” you hiss, stopping short. You don’t turn - you don’t want to check if Tsukishima’s still there. 

(You’ve seen enough of his back to last you a lifetime.)

“Are you okay?” Your best friend asks, and you look at him in disbelief.

“I thought you were on his side,” you say dumbly, before realizing that that’s a road that leads to ugly places. 

“I’m not on anyone’s side,” Tadashi says diplomatically, “I just want us - the three of us - to have lunch together again.”

You scoff, and start walking again, adjusting the strap of your bag on your shoulder. “Sure, I’ll text Hinata, I’m sure he won’t mind as long as we agree to volleyball practice with him first.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Tadashi says for the second time tonight, this time with a hint of frustration, “and you know it.”

“I do,” you acknowledge, “the same way you know that I want nothing to do with the four-eyed bastard.”

“You liked his glasses,” he tells you indignantly, catching up with you easily, “you used to steal them-”

“Liked, used to,” you snarl as the taut string of your patience finally snaps, “as in past tense. Leave if you’re just going to torment me; we both know I’ll get enough of it once I’m back home.”

Tadashi falls silent at that. A small part of you feels guilty, until you remember that it’s not your fault that he’d chosen to drag up old, unpleasant memories from beyond the grave where you’d buried them. 

“Do you want me to stay for dinner?” He asks finally. An olive branch. 

You throw him a tense smile. “If you’d like.”

“Okay,” he breathes, and it’s like you’re looking at six year-old Tadashi again - young, painfully innocent, apologetic. “Okay, I’d like to. It’s been two years, after all.”

»»------------- ------------- ------------- ¤ ------------- ------------- -------------«« 

(You still think of him.

You could be baking in your kitchen in your apartment in Tokyo and all you an see is the curling steam of buns bought at Sakanoshita store after practice. You could be walking past an electronics store and you’d find yourself looking at the TV screens, half-wondering if they replay the matches from high school.

They never do. 

It doesn’t stop you from seeing in your mind’s eye the surge of a block, the curve of taped fingers.)

»»------------- ------------- ------------- ¤ ------------- ------------- -------------««

Because the universe hates you, you run into Tsukishima again, just a day into your brief return to Miyagi.

Walking through the glass doors of what had once been your favourite cafe and not paying attention to anything beyond one feet of you as you text Hinata that you’re there early, you don’t immediately notice that the barista has frozen in place. 

You look up.

Tsukishima is staring at you, a carton of milk in one hand, the other resting on the blender. His fingers are painfully elegant even against the battered machine. 

(Bandaged fingers against red and green and white. Pale fingers entwined with your own. A flash of memory too painful to be anything but a curse.)

“Y/n?” He says, and it’s too much, it sounds so much like the way he’d said your name when you were seventeen, when you were eighteen, that your heart stutters and does a few flips on its way up your throat out of the sheer combined force of bad habits and shock. 

You turn around, and walk back the way you’d came. 

The bell tinkles mockingly as the door swings shut behind you. 

“Y/n?” You flinch, but it’s just Hinata. “I knew it! It really is you, Y/n!” Hinata, bless him, beams. Then, as his eyes fall to your white-knuckled grip on your phone, he asks, “Is something wrong?”

Nothing, you want to say, let’s go for brunch, shall we? Instead, what comes out is, “You didn’t tell me he worked here.” It ends up sounding a tad accusatory. You only regret it a little. 

“Oh, Tsukishima?” He asks casually, and you barely resist the urge to flinch at the name, “Sorry, I forgot.” He scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, and - it looks genuine. Hinata’s a terrible liar; you’d know if he was pulling a fast one on you. 

You sigh. It’s not even eleven in the morning yet, but you want to go home already. “It’s fine,” you reassure him, even though it’s very much not, “let’s just eat.”

»»------------- ------------- ------------- ¤ ------------- ------------- -------------««

“Do you have to leave?” He’s leaning against the door to your room, but there’s no relaxation in his posture - with his arms crossed and his brows furrowed, his face shut like a window screen, all Tsukishima looks is aggressive.

Something about the way he says, “have to”, like it’s something unreasonable you can’t let go of, grates on your nerves.

“It’s a good opportunity for me,” you’ve lost count of how many times you’ve said those six words, in that order, “and it’s a scholarship, too.” You can’t quite keep the irritation out of your voice. 

This is good for you, why can’t he just see that?

“Oh, so you’re one of those,” your boyfriend says, and there’s something ugly in his sneer that has you recoiling, “just going to up and leave, aren’t you? Build a new life for yourself in the fancy city?”

You frown, properly frustrated now. “I’m not severing ties,” you say, “I know being in different prefectures will be tough, but it’s something that we can work around.” 

You hate that it almost sounds like you’re pleading. You shouldn’t have to. 

“We’re still in the same country - it’ll be easier to visit and call each other, with no time-zone differences in the way.”

Tsukishima laughs. It’s as sharp as the broken glass of a shattered photo frame. “Yeah, like I don’t know how these stories go.”

»»------------- ------------- ------------- ¤ ------------- ------------- -------------««

Tsukishima sighs as eight p.m finally hits and he can turn the open sign on the door to closed. 

He goes through the routine that comes with working the last shift mindlessly - wiping down the tables and counters, pushing the chairs back into their neat places. 

(He wonders how long you’ll be in Miyagi.)

The trash bag crinkles as he ties it up, dragging it behind him to the back door. 

He’s only just hefted it into the dumpster specifically for un-recyclables when someone punches him in the face. Hard.

His glasses go flying, his annoyance skyrockets, and he barks, “What the hell?”

“I should be saying that!” His assaulter yells right back at him, “What the heck, Tsukishima?”

At the familiar voice, he stops, a retort on his tongue. 

Tsukishima squints, and the person who’d punched him shifts, hair glowing orange in the flickering light of a half-dead streetlamp. 

Ah, it’s the annoying, tiny boy. 

“What do you want,” Tsukishima says as flatly as he can muster, even as his stomach sinks and he knows, he knows what Hinata is here to talk about. “Hinata.” 

Hinata only grows more upset. Though, Tsukishima observes, as distanty as he can, that it doesn’t seem to be due to his tone. He’s gotten rusty. 

Then Hinata squares his shoulders and says, cold and unforgiving, “You didn’t tell them.”

Tsukishima’s blood freezes in his veins. 

“You didn’t apologize.” Hinata steps forward, until they’re chest to chest, and Tsukishima doesn’t need his glasses to know that Hinata’s eyes are accusatory and angry. “Y/n came back and you still didn’t apologize.”

I know, he thinks, I know I fucked up. Tsukishima isn’t dumb; even if Hinata hadn’t said it, he knows he should have gone after you last night. 

(He should have gone after you two years ago.)

He thinks Hinata already knows what he’s feeling. It’s not a pleasant thought. 

Tsukishima deals with this the only way he knows how, even as that voice pounds on the walls its trapped within and screams itself raw saying don’t do it, not again - with as much disdain as he can. 

“It’s not your business,” he snaps, and it reminds him of your words; it sinks into his flesh like a knife cutting into pliant bread and it tugs him apart like a million tiny hooks, “don’t stick your nose into things you don’t understand.”

“I understand enough,” Hinata hisses right back, “to know that you hurt Y/n and that you never bothered to apologize.” 

He pauses before going in for the kill. “And I know that you know that they know that it was complete bullshit and all you’ve managed to do is hurt the both of you.” Cocking his head slightly, he adds, “And Tadashi. All of us, actually.”

Tsukishima opens his mouth to argue, but - he finds he doesn’t know what to say. Nothing Hinata has said is wrong. 

It’s not even surprising - Tsukishima has known all of this for a very long time. He’d just been deliberately ignoring it in the hopes that it would gather dust and fade into some distant corner of his mind, or out of existence entirely.

Hinata sighs, and trudges in the direction Tsukishima’s glasses had probably flown in, bending to rummage about on the ground. 

Tsukishima takes this brief moment of quiet to reevaluate his position and get his feelings under control before his body decides to do something uncooperative and ridiculous. Like leaking tears.

“Don’t break things you don’t intend to fix,” Hinata says into the silence as he hands Tsukishima his glasses. The barbed words he’d been trying to find die on his tongue. He slips his glasses on for wont of something to do with his hands, and immediately wishes he’d just stayed half-blind instead.

Hinata’s eyes aren’t angry, or even disgusted. They’re disappointed. And that makes everything so much worse. 

Tsukishima loses control of his body. He opens his mouth. Closes it. 

What could he even say? It’s not Hinata that he owes an apology to. 

“Thanks,” he says instead. Hinata nods and smiles. 

(“Y/n misses you,” Hinata says later, as they’re walking down the street. He offers no elaboration, but it’s enough.)

»»------------- ------------- ------------- ¤ ------------- ------------- -------------««

“I’m sorry,” Tadashi says as the last whistle for your train blows and Tsukishima still isn’t here, “you know how Tsukki is on the weekends, he might have slept in-”

“Till four in the afternoon?” You raise a brow. Tadashi’s mouth snaps shut, his face stuttering, and you sigh. He shouldn’t be apologizing. 

“It’s fine,” you say, as you step onto the train. You take your heart into your hands and rip it apart like a party favour. 

Tadashi, and the rest of the Karasuno team, waves at you long after the doors have shut and the train departed. 

You watch them through the window till they fade into shadows into specks into sky, and you know that you won’t be coming back for a long time. 

»»------------- ------------- ------------- ¤ ------------- ------------- -------------««

You’re only in Miyagi for the weekend. 

It’s been nice, seeing everyone again. You’d even had dinner with the rest of the team. 

(Tsukishima hadn’t been there.)

But the weekend has come to a close, and now it’s just you and Tadashi on the platform again. 

“Will you visit again?” Your best friend asks, and you tear your gaze from the tracks to meet his eyes. 

(You know what Tadashi is really asking.)

“Maybe,” you answer after a pause, “you’re my friend, after all. And I won’t put it past Hinata to get lost in Tokyo.”

Tadashi smiles in understanding. 

(It feels like all you’ve been giving him is compromises.)

“I’m sorry,” you say finally, glancing to the old vending machine on the opposite platform, “but I just-”

“He misses you,” Tadashi cuts in, “and I think he wants to apologize.”

His words take you aback. Then, “He wants to apologize,” you repeat, and it’s like you’re eighteen again, “but Tsukishima’s too proud for it, isn’t he?” 

“Tsukki’s changed,” Tadashi mumbles, “maybe next time-”

“Y/n!” The both of you turn at the voice.

The breath rushes out of your lungs. 

»»------------- ------------- ------------- ¤ ------------- ------------- -------------««

For you, Tsukishima has always been synonymous with Miyagi. 

Miyagi with the pork buns, with the school full of crows. The prefecture with the hills and the mountains, the small stores and marts run by ex-volleyball players. 

Miyagi, your hometown, where the sky above and the grass below and the people beside you had witnessed you asking a boy for the second button of his gakuran at graduation. Your little safehouse of dreams dreamt of flight. 

Tsukishima was the boy with the gakuran whose second button you had wanted. He’d been the boy with the glasses you’d hated on anyone else but him, the boy who had dreamt of the endless blue with his feet still on the ground. 

He’s the boy you see in every empty, half-lit street at midnight, and behind every fading sign. The lamps in every lit house become his eyes, golden like the light of a possibly-dead star, and every window reflects the shine of his glasses. Like a haunting - a boy becomes a town becomes a memory. 

»»------------- ------------- ------------- ¤ ------------- ------------- -------------««

“What do you want?” You ask when it becomes clear that Tsukishima isn’t going to break the silence. “My train’s coming soon.”

(Tsukishima has always been Miyagi to you.

You don’t really want the train to come. Not when you’re finally about to get a goodbye two years overdue.)

“I’m sorry,” the boy with the glasses that you had liked, the boy with the gakuran whose second button you had asked for and received, says finally. “I was afraid.”

He doesn’t say what of. You already know. 

“You were too proud,” you tell him softly, “I was willing to be afraid together.” 

This isn’t anything new either. Tsukishima isn’t dumb. He must have known.

“Did you regret it?” You ask as the train pulls into the station. 

The boy who is Miyagi to you smiles. “I’m glad you got the scholarship.”

His eyes are bright. His hair is a little longer, now. 

You step forward. The last whistle blows. 

You press a kiss to his cheek. 

You turn, you get onto the train.

The doors close. 

The boy who is pork buns and dimly lit streets holds up a hand, joined by a shorter boy you know is Tadashi. 

They get smaller and smaller until they’re shadows, then specks, then nothing but sky. 

»»------------- ------------- ------------- ¤ ------------- ------------- -------------««

For you, Miyagi has always been a boy.

Maybe it shouldn’t have been - there’s Tadashi, after all, and your senpais.

You tear your safehouse down brick by brick. You hand one to everyone you’ve ever talked to in Miyagi, to everyone you’ve ever loved. 

Tsukishima is joined by Tadashi, and the homeroom teacher who’d confiscated most of the balled-up notes passed between the three of you in class. You add Hinata, Tanaka, Nishinoya, Sugawara in, you build a volleyball court and see crows in the sky. 

Miyagi is Tsukishima is Karasuno is volleyballs is the sting of skinned knees on dimly-lit streets. 

(Tsukishima’s contact is still saved in your phone. You had never been able to bring yourself to delete it.

You think about your next holiday break. You think about the extra shifts at your part-time job you’ll have to take in order to afford the train tickets.)

»»------------- ------------- ------------- ¤ ------------- ------------- -------------««

see it all in bloom taglist: @ruewaves, @roseonfireinwinter, @yikes-buddy, @kingkagss, @yams046, @voxamcris, @miyaosamoo, @sneezefiction, @kageyeaman, @sanemisthiccbih, @thatartsybitch, @anseoo, @miyafeuille, @bxckvpmxrz, @bap-kingdom, @angrylittleriri, @drippinginhoneyandgold, @owlywrites, @aprettyfruit

if you’d like to be added to any of my taglists, feel free to send me an ask!

[ganondoodle]

demise backstory (summary)

I didnt actually plan on wrtiting a summary of demises backstory (that i came up with, idk if its any good) but im realizing how long it will take me to draw it all, especially with job related things getting in the way all the time, so i guess im gonna post a badly summarised version of it right here right now, some things might change but thats always the case with my writing, nothings set in stone.

(please be aware that im not the best writer and didnt put much effort into this, it got longer than i thought but well meh :V ignore the typos, i wrote this at 1 am ;O; )

I didnt proof read anything, so this is a mess, anyway here goes nothin:

As far as i know, there have been multiple cases of hyrule having some sort of alternate mirror version of itself or just an alternate world somehow somewhere, so my personal idea about this is that demise WAS what hylia is for hyrule, a deity of protection. thats also where the whole inverted triforce symbols come from in my design for him, im not saying its lorule, but its definitely inspired by it to some degree. so they also had a triforce (here simply called "relics"), but it was split into the three pieces, for each of the three main nations/countries one, originally it was split like this as a way of sharing it equally AND to keep it safe, since if someone was to want the whole thing, theyd have to fight three different giant nations for it, which was thought as being pretty impossible.

as i said before, demise (might not have always been his name idk) was their deity of protection, he was there to keep the peace, to prevent the three countries from going after the relics themselves, tho he was always a cocky bastard he wasnt as destructive and hateful as he is now, back then he was still the servant of their gods after all. for a long long time he was successful at keeping everything as it was supposed to be, but of course, it cant go well forever, i dont have all the details yet but basically, those three nations started war after war, he was able to keep it from escalating for quite some time  but at some point, the people found out that if they destroyed his statues (just like hylias in canon) to prevent anyone from praying to him, he wouldnt know, at least, not immediately (my idea was that the statues are a sort of communication link to whatever their god was, so in ancient hyrule, if you prayed to one of hylias statues, and asked for her protection/help, she would know instantly and show up within seconds) 

alot of battles were fought without demise hearing anything about it, until someone found a statue that wasnt fully destroyed. when demise showed up however, the person had already died as they were wounded when fleeing from the battlefield. wondering how this all came to be he went to look for where that person came from, since if there was actual big trouble he should have known about it much sooner.  

he must have missed the biggest battle his world had ever seen, given the sheer size of it .. and the amount of corpses scattered all over it.

this only happened because of the greed of the people in power for the rest of the relics, which promised power, more power than they already had, plus who wouldnt want to know what happen if the relics were combined again, given how they've been seperated since the beginning. 

Fueled by anger and grief over how many people had lost their lives without him even KNOWING that a war of this size was happening, demise tried to ask the gods as to what he was supposed to do, how could he stop these needlessly cruel wars over something so small ? but the gods were silent. 

so he had to decide on his own, what was the best thing to do ? after careful consideration he couldnt think of anything else but to destroy the relics, after all, he could touch or use them himself as means to prevent him, as an already powerful deity, from falling for that greed for power, just like the inhabitants of his world did now.

the first one was the easiest, they didnt know his plan and let him wander their sacred halls with no second thought .. until he raised his sword once he stood in front of that cursed relic that led only to bloodshed and death. of course the news started to spread that their protector had apparently turned against them, some thought it was because they destroyed his statues, others because they thought he feared they would be more powerful than him once they gathered all the relics. on his way to destroy the second one he was met with resistance, but nothing he couldnt get through. the third one was a fight of an army against one deity. demise won, but not without killing some of the people he swore to protect .. and the only reason he was doing this, was for their own good.

after the deed was done, instead of everything getting better, it was getting worse. the people were more united than ever. against him that is. and the world fell apart. the oceans started to shrink, the winds would blow more harshly with each passing day, plants would wither away as if robbed of life before it began. demise was never overly beloved by anyone even back in the beginnings, but he could deal with them hating and resenting him, as long as they wouldnt go to war against each other, he was happy, more or less. what he couldnt handle was watching as his world started to die a slow and agozing death, right before his eyes, without him being able to do anything against it. and the gods stayed silent.

was it because he destroyed the relics ? were the gods mad at him for going against their orders and deemed it appropriate to punish him by having to watch the people suffer ?or was it that the gods that were bored of playing with this world and moved on to the next ?

he would never know the answer. 

the world died slowly over hundreds of years of painful suffering, desperately trying to to stay alive. even then the last remaining survivors knew him only as the destroyer of their world, responsible for their suffering. his former self wiped from memory, and only hate remained. 

after the last mortal died, the last tree withered and the oceans were gone. there was nothing left to guard, nothing left but the ruins of the past and the painful reminder of how this all came to be. the question of why it had to happen, was never answered, as the gods abandoned him and his world a long time ago.

in a fit of rage he sought to destroy the last temples, the once sacred places which inscriptions have long faded away and the place he once called his home, where he used to speak to his gods before they fell into this agonizing silence and as he drove his sword through the sculpted stones which once housed their voices, it split into two . ..

..and through the cracks blew a wind carrying the scent of a world that was still alive.

[crystallized-iron]

Fic Recs

I really don’t read as much as I should, but there have been some really great ones. MCU and X-Men recs under the read more.

I think... if I counted right, this is 25 recs here. I may have gotten carried away a little bit. Enjoy.

--- --- ---

Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked by Kellyscams Rating: Explicit

Steve's just moved back to Brooklyn after spending ten years in California trying to make a life for himself as an artist right after high school. Having escaped to the other side of the country following the sudden death of his mother, Steve feels guilty about abruptly leaving all his friends for so long, unfulfilled, scared and nervous about started college at his age, and unbelievably lonely. So when he meets Bucky Barnes, a young sex-worker, at a bar the night before his first day of classes, temptations might be too high to resist.

One night paying for sex with the most sinfully gorgeous guy is nothing to brag to the papers about, huh?

S'not like he'll ever see him again anyway...

...Right?

And we pulled each other like gravity by hllfire Rating: Explicit

Erik accompanies Charles, Crown Prince of the Xavier Empire, to his first diplomatic meeting on the planet Themis, where he finds out something about the Prince and they end up talking about the past and how their paths had crossed before.

Fill for the Day 1 of Cherik Week: Space AU.

Bitter Sweet by LadyDarkPhoenix Rating: Teen

Bucky comes home from the war, finds out he has a daughter he never knew existed and now he must cope with life after the war while taking care of her.

Alternate timeline where Bucky's rescued after falling from the train, but Steve was never told and goes into the ice anyway.

Broken by NotEvenCloseToStraight Rating: Explicit

It took months of therapy for Bucky to break his Winter Soldier conditioning, and Steve was there for him, encouraging him to talk about his past, his fears, his time as the Soldier. And Bucky talked about everything-- except why the barest mention of an Alpha makes him panic. When Steve brings Bucky home, Alpha!Tony is ready to welcome Bucky with open arms and wings, but Bucky can't look at him, can't be in the same room without his wings flaring out to keep the Alpha away, a broken Omega panicking in the presence of a strong Alpha. But Tony is a good Alpha, and the team pulls together to help Bucky, showing him what it means to be loved, to be healthy and whole, and one day when Tony holds his hand out, Bucky trusts him enough to take it. And Bucky realizes that with a family behind him, with the safety hes found in the Omegas, the companionship from the Betas, and the unconditional love from the Alpha--HIS alpha, he isn’t broken at all. But with a team like the Avengers, tragedy is never far off, and this one rocks the family to their core. How can they fix the broken pieces of their lives when their Alpha is gone?

Close to you, I’m home by OneWithoutAName Rating: Teen

As Erik is searching the manor, he finds something strange in the attic. He knows that he needs to go to Charles, if he wants some answers. After all, why would there be a nest in a small dusty attic room, when there were countless rooms with ridiculously soft beds all around the manor?

Goodbye Brothers by LadyDarkPhoenix Rating: Teen

A look at Dum-e during the events of Iron Man 3 and beyond.

It’s Not What You Think... by LadyDarkPhoenix Rating: Teen

Bucky walks in on Tony dirty talking in the lab but it's not what he thinks.

Letters to Bucky by NotEvenCloseToStraight Rating: Explicit

Stuck in rehab after a near-fatal accident, Tony reaches out via letters to a soldier overseas, and Bucky is more than happy to write back, drawn to Tony for a reason he can't quite name. One or two letters turn into a years worth, then come the phone calls, with Tony quickly realizing that Bucky's voice, with that rolling Brooklyn accent might be his new favorite sound. When Bucky shows up unannounced at Tony's door, one thing leads to another and maybe a confession or two is made. But Bucky's tour overseas isn't over yet, not even close, and they have months more of distance between them. Then Bucky disappears, missing in action, and Tony doesn't know if he will ever get his soldier back. And if Bucky DOES make it home, will he be the same boy from Brooklyn who sent Tony love poems, or has his time away and his injuries changed him for good?

BONUS CHRISTMAS CHAPTER ADDED 12/10/18

Let your light shine by OneWithoutAName Rating: Teen

Inspired by Moomin TV series from 1990 and the episodes “The invisible friend” and “The invisible Child”. It’s the start of the summer break and Erik, a 13 year old boy living in a small house with his mother in the outskirts a small(ish) English town, is stuck in home because of the rain. The evening seems to get interesting though, when a strange man arrives with an invisible telepath boy and asks them to help him become visible again.

Loving a Vampire by Feelingsinwinter Rating: Mature

In the 19th century, Tony is a greatly appreciated and skilled inspector. His dire need to find the murderers and killers to every case he is given is well known among the people and while it doesn’t always help him to get the answers he needs, at least it makes it easier to convince people to talk to him. When Mary Ann Nichols is found dead, Tony Stark doesn’t know the investigation will put his life in harm’s way, put his marriage with one James Buchanan Barnes on shaky ground and shove him in a situation he wasn’t ready to face.

When a murderer does their best to earn the name of a monster, Tony is ready to do anything to stop them.

My beacon in a storm that is the world by OneWithoutAName Rating: Teen

Erik hated this planet. And he had seen a few along the years as a pilot of the most troublesome research team that had ever existed.

Or, they find a new alien species and Erik catches a bad case of feelings ragarding his relationship with Charles.

Of Broken Dreams and Mended Hearts by Kellyscams Rating: Explicit

When the House of Barnes is left in massive debt after the death of George Barnes, their oldest son and heir, Bucky, is forced to sacrifice his own hopes and dreams by entering an arranged married to Steve Rogers. Steve seems kind enough, has a prominent job in the government, and was even voted Society's Best Catch. But the House Rogers is significantly higher in status than Bucky's family, which means Bucky is marrying up in Society, and marrying up doesn't only come with rewards, it also comes with certain...expectations and losses--some of which Bucky might be willing to do anything to avoid. And those opportunities might come his way.

Unless, of course, he actually starts falling in love with his new husband...

Pirates Heart by NotEvenCloseToStraight Rating: Explicit

The 1700s, the Golden Age of Piracy, and Captain Steve Rogers has all he wants: a ship, a loyal crew, Bucky at his side, and the horizon offering a new adventure everyday. But an impulsive kiss gone wrong leads to a marriage between Steve and Tony Stark, and now Steve doesn't know what to do about ANYTHING. Steve loves Bucky, but something about Tony draws him in. Tony is too innocent for this life, but he picks up a sword anyway. Bucky is Steve's, but when he offers his hand to Tony and now the three of them are something new. When the truth about Steve's mission to ruin the Stark name comes out, Tony runs away, leaving Steve and Bucky behind in search of answers to the secrets hidden from him his whole life-- about his company, about Uncle Obie, about his parents death.

Steve and Bucky cant abandon their mission against Stane and Tony cant deal with the answers he finds in New York. Is this the end? Is Tony gone forever? Or will he leave his old life and return to the sea and the Pirates that hold his heart?

**BONUS CHAPTER ADDED 2/4/19!!** **BONUS CHAPTER ADDED 5/15/20!!**

Random Encounter by g33kyclassic Rating: Explicit

Charles is just a typical London commuter...until he sees the most gorgeous man on earth standing a few feet away from him.

Regret is in the past by OneWithoutAName Rating: Teen

Six years after first class, the cold war escalates and the missiles are fired, destroying the world as it was known. Those who managed to live, fight for survival against each other and against the living dead. One would think that the mutants have advantage, but Shaw was wrong in his assumption that the radiation would make them stronger. On the contrary, it made them weaker, their powers only half of what they used to be. In this world of waste land, Erik and what’s left of the brotherhood are trying to survive. It’s five years later, they are cornered by the zombies while they were trying to gather supplies in abandoned town. The situation seems hopeless, until a silver haired boy appears out of nowhere and tells them to be ready to run.

Small Indiscretions (Can Save the World) by LadyDarkPhoenix Rating: Teen

Captain Steve Rogers has defeated the Red Skull but lost his own life in the process, leaving behind a grieving Peggy and guilt-ridden Howard Stark. After looking to Howard for comfort following her great loss, Peggy finds herself facing the scariest mission she’s ever encountered: motherhood.

While this news is devastatingly unwanted for Peggy, Howard sees this as a golden opportunity to give his bride Maria the child she never thought she could have. With a little convincing and promises that she won’t have to be involved with the child’s life if she doesn’t want to be, Peggy agrees to keep and have the baby for the Starks, own personal comfort be damned. She wasn't planning on it being so hard, or finding someone she didn't want to lie to along the way. AKA what if Peggy Carter was more than just Tony Stark’s badass aunt?

The Consequence of Hiding by g33kyclassic Rating: Explicit

Charles is completing his PhD at Oxford when he finds himself in dire need of a new job to support himself and Raven. Erik is a grumpy Mutant Student Counsellor who has yet to fill his student assistant position. Enter Prof. MacTaggert and her matchmaking ways to bring her student and her friend together (in platonic, professional compatibility, of course). Will things stay platonic for Charles and Erik? Only time will tell.

The Funeral by LadyDarkPhoenix Rating: Teen

Tony attends the viewing and funeral of his parents. The other members of the company's board are not amused by his actions there.

The Risks by OneWithoutAName Rating: Teen

Inspired by post on Tumblr It takes Erik by surprise how Mystique doesn't seem to remember just how much Charles has done and risked for them, for their kind. But it seems that Erik wasn't quite aware of the risks either.

The Robot Who Could Feel Pain by slightly_salty_ace Rating: Teen

In which Tony leaves Afghanistan more machine than human. Or rather, Iron Man leaves Afghanistan. To the world, Tony Stark is dead.

Or...

Steve is convinced that Iron Man is just a robot with sass because the future is a strange place and he's stopped questioning things.

But when someone from Tony Stark's past returns, putting Iron Man in danger, Steve is forced to start asking questions. Specifically questions about his feelings towards a certain red and gold robot.

The Shared Dream by TurtleTotem Rating: Teen

Charles's cryo-pod malfunctions and wakes him up a century before everyone else. Will he spend the rest of his life alone on a ship full of sleepers? (A Passengers AU.)

The Soldier by LadyDarkPhoenix Rating: Explicit - Read Warning and Tags!

There's something wrong with Bucky. Something very wrong and it may have dire consequences for his friends and loved ones.

Time Falls Away by NotEvenCloseToStraight Rating: Mature

The Battle of New York: Tony flies himself and the nuke through the wormhole and when his suit shuts down and he starts to fall, he knows he's going to die. But then he wakes up in an alley in Brooklyn, two strangers staring down at him in confusion and Tony is sure he is dreaming when he shakes hands first with pre-serum Steve Rogers, and then Bucky Barnes. Trapped in 1942, Tony befriends Steve, and falls in love with Bucky but America is at war, and Bucky and Steve ship out to join the cause. Tony knows all the stories about the Howling Commandos and knows what’s coming for the soldiers, and has to live through history as first Bucky falls, and then Steve disappears. Tony is left alone in the 40's, crying himself to sleep in the house he had shared with his best friend and his lover. But then he wakes up on the pavement in New York, the Hulk roaring in his face, Steve staring down at him, and he has to wonder if it was all a hallucination. When Tony fell through the sky, did he fall through time as well? Why does Steve act so cold towards him? Were he and Bucky really that happy together?

Did it all really happen, or is Tony in love with a life he can only have in his dreams?

We want the same thing by hllfire Rating: Mature

Charles is locked up underground, where his telepathy won't be a problem, deemed too dangerous now to be kept free. Erik pays a visit.

Fill for the Day 2 of Cherik Week: Dark!Charles.

Your Love Alone Is Not Enough by LadyDarkPhoenix Rating: Explicit - Read Warning and Tags!

In an alternative post Civil War, Clint and Bucky fell in love and tried to make a life together. But then Thanos happened and Clint embraced the darkness within himself trying to cope with all his loss.

This is how after Bucky returned, Clint still can't cope with what happened and who he's become. How even though he seems to have it all, his own mind is his now his greatest enemy. Bucky tries to help but how do you help someone that doesn't believe he should be saved?

[yakovlev-vad]

Hello, Yakovlev-vad. I know it sounds a bit abrupt but, may I ask that back in time when you were in college(as you mentioned in the antiquated pic of twi overselpt in bed and cant get up at 8) what did you study, how did that field benefit you after you left there? And as an avid hobbist, what encouraged you to draw at the beginning, I'm also so intrigued about what kind of lifestyle you are having or had for you to become who you are today?

Heh, this is really suddenly but interesting questions, and I don’t remember if I ever answered on similar question…

So:I graduated from St. Petersburg architecture-сonstruction сollege.Don’t know why but from my childhood I was absolutely sure that I want to be an Architect)And I really love to study, my favorite disciplines were:Drawing(Черчение), Descriptive geometry and Architectural graphics*Lol, in english “Рисунок” and “Чертеж” have the same translation - Drawing. This is funny cuz our teacher hated with holy wrath of the one who accidentally said “нарисовать” instead of “начертить” XD But we deviated….

So, answering on your question about “how did that field benefit you after you left there” I can say the next:1 - I have good memories from my teenage age2 - I learned a lot about the profession of architect3 - The Diploma is a great addition to my wallAnd… I think this is all^^_________________________lyrical digression_________________________

Almost immediately after graduating from college I was lucky to get an assistant architect in a construction company.And… honestly this was not at all what I would like to do.Don’t know how to explain, this is really long theme but if saying short - in college I loved to draw (Чертить) and we did it by hand, all models of our drawings we also did by hand and this was what I really loved to do.If you do everything neatly then the finished drawing looked like a printed and this really brought me pleasure.All technical documentation was what I didn’t like ^^So my real work contained ONLY technical documentation. Absolutely no drawing/models.

One more Fanny moment:In company where I worked on the wall hanged a big drawing of the facade of the Winter palace drawn by hand on three square stretchers meter on meter and this was like an example of what the present drawings are.But this was time of USSR, Unfortunately for me now all drawings drawn in AutoCadWant to draw by hand? О_о Pfffff HA Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  Are you a savage?Yep, looks like I am, cuz I tried to draw in AutoCad, and this program is really good, this allows to create drawing much faster but this is not Drawing, not for me anyway. I had absolutely no that feelings what I feel when drew my drawings in college.So I disappointed and leaved. This was not what I wanted.My place was near that drawing of Winter palace on the wall XD

Okay, Work of an architect was not what I wanted, but as I said - I also loved to do a models so I found place in model studio.We worked on models of buildings and whole neighborhoods and you know, I really loved to work with this >wOnly one thing was bad - this is long way between my workplace and houseAnd…. almost no pay^^Actualy for 6 month I erned A bit less then 30k Rubels, this is almost 140$ per month by the old rate (1$ = 36Rub)So I was have to leave.This was really pity for me cuz I Really loved this work.

What was next? Funny to admit, but my next works was much worse.After that I worked as a Seller Consultant, Postman, Loader, CourierBut it was a temporary job while I was trying to find a major jobAnd most funny is that I tried to back to Architect job XDYes, I didn’t like it now but this much MUCH better than others works I triedUnfortunately I could not find architect work again so I continue to work as freelancer.

Unfortunately I live in big city, and a lot of professionals come here from different parts of Russia, and you always can to find worker with experience so people like I just not need.

Sorry for so long wall of text, I even don’t know why I write this…So…. as you can see, I have Architect education but don’t work as Architect.

_____________________End of lyrical digression________________________

What about “what encouraged you to draw at the beginning”:1 - I had free time and own wishes to draw2 - I saw a lot of works of other artists which brought be a lot of inspiration.3 - MLP gived me a great impuls to try to drawSo… I just tried to draw and I was like it)

“I’m also so intrigued about what kind of lifestyle you are having or had for you to become who you are today?“- Am… I think this is Lifestyle of a log and this is really exact comparison X)I can’t saying about other Artists, but for me drawing is really hard and I spend a lot of time for it. But I like it.So for most part I have lifestyle of Autist who always immersed in their own thoughts.

[myuun]

i feel like every once in a while i want to make a whole rant here just for the good ol times. plus i think everyone across the world is most likely asleep or busy and i kind of like being in between that time. 

ive been meaning to rant but i feel like i dont have any right to really complain about anything really. i dont have it that bad. i have a wonderful husband. three cats. i have food and a roof (lol while it lasts). idk i feel like my complains are very minor. 

but tbh i dont really have any friends and any friends that i did/do have i kind of dont. i use the term friend... very lightly too. theyre.. people. idk i just... kind of destroy friendships and/or ignore them enough that they just kind of disappear. friendships are like a plant. i kill plants and/or forget they need water. or my cat eats them. 

i went through a period when i began dating jack that i felt so enthralled with the idea of my entire life being dedicated just for him. my everything is just... for jack. everything. i dont need anyone or anything else. i know how unhealthy it was. hell, i’m still sort of like that. of  course, jack isn’t like that back. jack is a smart human being, he has healthy relationships with many people and i just happen to be his wife. i know how much he loves me, cares for me, and when i dont dig too deep into my own insecurities of him hating me, i truly believe that we are equal in how much we care for each other.

lol when i dig though, thats another psychotic story im gonna tuck for a later cry 

i think it was last year when i got the smallest taste of a world outside of just jack. my volunteering position in the animal shelter i volunteered at escalated to assistant, and within that role, i held a lot more power than just a volunteer. i was in charge of adoptions and that... to me was power. and i loved it. i loved staying there all day writing notes into the computer, talking to people, showing them dogs. and my god, i knew i did an amazing job. i know i do. i know that i am confident, capable, and dedicated. i know. 

and for the first time, i really meant when i said, “i am good at this”. i never ever believed that... ever. I have hobbies and shit like drawing, but i never considered myself good. but i know with all my soul i was good at this. and this is the point where i discovered that this is what i wanted. i had found a bridge outside of my world dedicated to jack. and jack was happy for me. and i was unsure. but excited. 

dropped out of school, focused on working at a doggy daycare with the simple dream of one day having an actual job at the animal shelter i work at. there isnt a high turnover obviously. i told everyone. everyone. everyone. and finally... a job application. i was interviewed. 

i was a perfect candidate. my life has been a dedication and exploration of my love for animals. 

i didn’t get the job. 

i had gotten rejected many many many times. many times. 

but this is the only time where it hurt with every ounce of my being. i sobbed my eyes out. 

the only reason i didn’t get hired... was that i couldn’t drive. 

i could hear my dad laughing in the background. 

that was the only thing and i knew how important it was, but i was more than willing to learn and get a car and figure it out. i would take ubers and friends and whatever to get me to  where i need to be.  i thought that my own desperation and commitment would get me by. 

i had no money, no car, no one to teach me, but god in my heart i wanted this more than anyone. and the girl who got it... all i needed was to see who it was for my whole spirit to shatter. i didn’t know her that well, i had spoken to her a fair amount of times. i knew she had dogs, she was a foster, she worked with animals. she was radiant, a light, a beautiful girl. her entire life she knew this was for her. she hadn’t taken the courses in animal care i had, but she was ready to learn and most of all... she had a license. 

it shattered me. everyday it shatters me.

and i could get another job. 

i could. but what else is there in this city? someone tell me, anyone. I had asked everyone around me, what else? What else? Please someone GUIDE ME. 

 I have no job because I can’t legally have one due to my visa not having arrived yet. The job waiting for me is a casual job at a doggy daycare. I live in a small city where the jobs are scarce and the only thing that could possibly POSSIBLY set me straight into the animal care business would be studying. i can’t get a car to get any other possible job. hell, i can’t even afford the fee of the drivers license test. 

But I’m a girl without a job and with a dad who will be disowning her at the end of this year.  Who’s only revenue comes from her amazing husband who breaks his back working casual hours and studying. I can’t even think about studying when I don’t even have the money to pay my rent. We are so... so close to getting evicted. Inches away. 

I could get any other job, I could. And I will. But i know that if I want to stay in this city and be happy, that that is literally.. the one and only job I want and probably won’t ever get. 

 I could move. I could. But what about my cats? What about everything we have here?  I could sell everything, our TV, or couch, our kitchenware, and just go. Take the three cats, and go somewhere else in this country. But no matter where it would be, I would still be... like this. In this spot right now, in a bed, typing something that doesn’t matter because the only solution is just to have money. 

that is all. just money. i could study animal hydrotherapy if i had money. i could pay my bills on time or even buy a house if i had money. i could take driving lessons if i had money. 

i want to have faith. i want to believe in god. i want to believe that there is a reason why all this is happening. that there is a reason why this entire year so far has been so so hard. that there is a reason why this month has been so hard. 

i know its my fault. its my fault i am scared of driving. its my fault i never got my license. its my fault i don’t try hard enough to keep friendships. its my fault. but why.

why does my dad have to come to this country in the worst of times? is it to mock me? is it to show me that he is the man with all the money who could change our lives but chooses not to? 

why did a dog have to die on jacks arms? why did it have to happen? why did this have to happen at our daycare and change everything for everyone forever? 

please tell me what to do. please god, just give me ... a sign. Any sign. i love this city so much i just want to stay here and work here at a job that i love and be with my husband. i just want to work and earn a living and be happy. 

it pisses me off that i was so close... so close to feeling like i amounted to something more than just jack’s wife. 

before i met jack my life amounted to nothing. which it was so easy to give it up. so easy to call it quits and go die somewhere. my life now amounts to being jack’s wife. i dont have the option anymore to die. i can cut myself over and over but i know ill never take the plunge anymore because i cant. 

 i find it funny that when i say i dont want to die to doctors, they sound so relieved. i want to disappear. i want to disappear just for a while and wait until the world fixes whatever i cant fix. 

but i know that the world doesn’t give a shit. god doesnt give a shit. 

i found a glimpse of something else. i found a little crack that showed me that i didn’t have to be just jack’s wife. i didn’t have to dedicate my entire being to him. i always felt like jack’s knight. he is the person i will die for. i will protect. and i still am his knight. but i never felt worthy enough to be a ruler next to him. 

and i thought that if i could also show him that i can be something great too like he is, if i could show him that my life can also amount to doing other things besides being by his side, that i could prove to him... and myself, that my own life has meaning. 

i dont really know anymore. 

there is nothing i can do but wait. i can just wait until my interim visa is over and my visa arrives. i can wait for that moment. but what then, what will i do then?

i really dont see a path anymore in front of me. i dont see anything at all

[scartale-an-undertale-au]

I guess i owe you a reason why i was radio silent for the past couple of months. To be honest, a lot happened. I was diagnosed with crohn's disease four months ago. I was put on budeson, which is a kind of a steroid that should regress the infection along with my immune systerm. But the side effects were too extreme and it didnt help shit with the infection, only made it worse. I had mood swings, my monthly gift turned to nearly three months of hell, i was more anxious and depressed. I had a short temper and a short crying fuse. I hated that. I finally stopped the medication on my own and my body became much better. Now i am starting on permanent medication and i hate the thought of taking pills for the rest of my life. On the other hand, my work's doctor forbade me from the garage and i was stuck with paperwork and basically be a secretary. I hate that job and although i befriended some people i wouldnt have otherwise, i was really depressed that time. And i fought back again and again that my new status doesnt mean i cant work. Like i was seriously told that i could be kicked out for that and isnt that a nice thought. Towards the third month i was 'upgraded' to be the boss' secretary and i seriously cried for two days when i heard and i fought harder to get back to work since desk work was killing me slowly inside. Finally, i was able to find a loophole and managed to terminate the ban and went back to work so im so glad for that. Just on the first day back i was glowing with happiness. And then i am wondering what i should do after the leash is up. Should i continue there on a better paycheck? Should i quit and try to pursue something else when im not even sure what i want? Life crisis on the age of 22, lovely. And then i have my writing. I just dont seem to be able to write. I try so hard, but i just seemed to have lost my writing abilities and since then i have been drawing nonestop since i feel that the minute i stop all meaning for me would disappear. I am really in a bad place emotionally and im so thankful for moshe for being there. Now, i know that you guys are here for me. But... i dont know. Seeing the unanswered asks and the unanswered pms just make me shudder and close the tumblr tab every single time. I am worse socially now. Barely able to be in packed rooms, even if it's people i know. I feel like i regressed to what i was nearly three years years ago and im terrified since i thought i was over that. I thought i was doing so well. That i became ilanit, scar, alecki. Whatever you guys know me as. I feel like im losong against myself and i dont want that. I want to return to the times that we had shitpost war on my blog. Laughing at what people sent me and crying from happiness from the kindness of others. I hate what i had become. Im so sorry that i ignored you guys. And im so sorry i wasnt there for you when you needed me. Im sorry for being a failure as a friend and as a creator. I want to be better but i dont know how anymore. ... Welcome... welcome back?

[blckdtd]

"Train"

i had a crush on a college friend for like three years already... maybe longer than that. im writing this post because ive dreamt about him this morning. i tried to sleep again as i still want to continue that crazy dream since it was a bit beautiful. we were happy in that dream. but im not sure if because we are together as a couple or as something else.

i actually really like seeing him smile most of the time, thats why whenever we go home together i try to talk to him and make him laugh or smile as much as possible. but, being a funny person was not my best asset, so its always... awkward. it also fascinates me whenever we dont talk at all, or when his face is blank with unreadable emotion, though sometimes im having anxious thoughts that maybe he was annoyed on why do i kept talking and talking when he is clearly not interested. those moments taught me to shut my mouth most of the times.

but how did everything started? ill try to recall everything dont worry.

it was summer, and we were still freshman in college, group chats for sections in our department were already made and people were already having some clicks and groups. i also found our class' group chats, and while scrolling on the member's list, he was the first person i added on facebook since i noticed he was quite good looking (young me dumb me. always lookinh for the face. apologies). but i never messaged him personally on facebook.

first day came in, he was the first person i talked to actually since he was the person i first recognized. but, during freshman year, he was not my seasonal crush. had a crush on two person on different sememsters, one for each sememsters, but i dont think theres a need to elaborate on that i guess. maybe another time.

sophomore year is starting to come in. summer after fresh man year, i found out that the four of us will be in the same section, me, him, T, and A. the thing is, we actually belong in the same group of friends, we also have the gc (group chat). when i found out that the four of us are in the same class, i started to have some panic or thinking, that "oh shit. he is my classmate. this year. he ll be on the long list of my seasonal mandatory crush (i know. it sucks to have this mentality, like i cannot move forward to my life without having a crush on anyone or anything). i tried to avoid the feelings because he is quite a nice person. but it happened after that event.

swimming class, this was the first day i guess??? i cant remember. but i know it was the swimming class. the four of us were kinda huddled together since we dont rrally get alonv with everyone yet, and the instructor said to group ourselves in to two. to be honest, during the time, i quite sure o dont have the feelings for him yet. so me and him like automatically paired ourselves, since t and a automatically paired themselves. then he said "lets go there". then we grabbed each others hand, under the water. i can still remember that time because after that day, i did not exactly have it in mind, but the longer the time passes, the more i can remember, and im pretty sure he dont even remembered that day.

we hold hands under water and he lead the way. it was not the romantic type holding hands, the one where people actually intertwined their hands, it was just simple holding hands. then we let go, and started the routines we need to do.

being that im the fat one, i did feel how his hands are kinds bony since hes quite thin. and he is also lighter, i even believed that i could piggy back him if he ask me too. i know that he is lighter when our instructor ask us to do a simple floating where we simply lay flat on the water surface. it was fun knowing that he actually cant do that given that he is a really good swimmer and he is lighter too, but i can, a non good swimmer even if it could save my life. i almost like carried him in my arms to guide him how to float, thats how i found out he is light, but thats okay, i also liked that about him.

then one day, i woke up, i said to my self. "shit. im having a crush on him. this is not good". what i hate about this, is because i have the constant need to show off or have his attention or be in the same grouos or anything with him... like? we are already going home together cause we take tge same train or something, im so greedy, attention seeker, obsessed, annoying. i also chat him on facebook most of the time, like i always need to find a reason to talk to him or something. almost the whole year of second year college was me being a bother to him or something, and i just fully realized it now. and if ever for some reason you read this, yes, this is about you, and im really sorry for bothering you all these years thinking that you might, well, "reciprocate" the feelings, in short, sorry for being immature.

til this day, some parts of my heart, wished that there are times where he did enjoy our small talks on the train, or if he did enjoy having me as a "friend".

i can still remember how we talked about the girl you almost become girlfriend, about how you felt when one of our classmate gave you something on valentines day, how i fucked up and confessed of having feelings for you, and how we somehow remained as friends even after that day. i know you told our other friends that i confessed my feelings for you, thats why they started teasing me about it.

i missed you needing me to go somewhere sometimes because youre not much of a streetsmart or always forgets how to go some certain place. i remember how i said that you can rest your head on my shoulder when we were on the train on our way to one of our friends house to make a costume, how i lend my earphones to you so you can listen to some music even though i actually love listening to music, how you waited for me on train station even though i was late. we had a meet up.that day because you want to buy something that we found while looking for some naterials to make the costume, well you waited because you barely remember how to get there in the first place. not gonna lie, i was kinda happy how you waited for me on that station.

i can also remember how we talked throughout our jeepney ride on our way to the station, im sorry to say this, but during that day, i somehow had a hunch that you were just talking to me because i kinda led our way on how the two of us will get home, because you dont always talk to me in first place, ever since that day you knew, which i did understood, but i dont know why i still.stood my ground on seeking yoir attention. ha! but yes i can still remember how i take you to your station on your way home because you dont know your way, i got off of the train even though i could have just stayed and have my way home. it was fun though, and so foolish of me.

why am i even head over heels on you even after all this years? yes until now.

third year college, i promised my self that ill try to stop having feelings for you. but i didnt. but we were on that level where we just accepted that yeah i know that you know thatbinhave feelings for you but we will just be civil about it. we were kind of a pair tbh, you can use my phone whenever you want since that was the time when yiu dont have your own phone. you actually have more photos on that phone than me lol. we were in a civil state to the point we even became automatic pairs on an activity in botany class. we even became thesis groupmates. you probably had the most contribution on that thesis so i still thank you even till this day.

i also remembered when you asked me to come with you to get your birth certificate since you actually dont know how to get one, not gonna lie again, i was kinda having a moment back there since we were in the middle of thesis day, more like finishing it up, but you asked me to come with you. we travelled like for almost an hour for that, fell in line just to have your id photocopied, then i instructed you on which line you should take next, how to get this and that, then i waited for you, again. so we can also go back to the university. i had some realizations that day. on the lengths that my feelings for you drove me.

i also remembered how we went home together like we usually do after that earthquake since the station had a bit of crack on its foundation. but we went to separate ways you rode a jeepney on your way. i walked to mine.

one of the things that touched me was when you asked me about my favorite band, why did i liked them, and you somehow, had some small history, that you listened to them before or something.

but there are also those days where we dont even talked about anythibg at all. we just stayed silent. and bid our goodbyes and take cares. maybe those were your favorite days, just kidding.

im not trying to paint you as bad guy for not reciprocating or anything. im just remembering things, and i need to let them out.

it kinda sucks when i didnt saw you on the last day where we need to return our graduation gowns because i need to leave early that day because of an emergency family trip to the beach. just a celebration because i just graduated.

im sorry i still havent picked up your drawings that i said i will buy just to help you. because i had a job that time and you still havent because youre supposed to go to a medical school.

our company had a job opening but i was too shy to send the invite to you, idk why. i did tried to talk to you again just like a normal friend but, i know i cant. even while writing this, i can attest that im still not in the best condition to talk to you because i still... cant move on. this sucks.

there are parts of me that wished i didnt approached you on the first day of class. or maybe i shouldnt held your hand under water. or maybe... i shouldnt have just let this.feelings swallowed me.

i dreamed of you last night. but dont worry, nothinh sexual. i dreamed of holding your hand again. and seeing your smile. softly playing your hands until they were intertwined. it was a good dream. i wish i didnt woke up. but i need to.

your smile was so beautiful, i rarely saw them actually even after hundreds of train trips we had together. i loved the sound of your laugh actually that will soon give your smilling face. i can even remember your eyelashes they were so beautiful, though i hope you werent freaked out when i looked at you.

youre a beautiful person, your smart, you sometimes dark humor, you being lowkey gentleman, your creativity and artistry. everything about you.

to end this, i hope you know that it is not late to pursue your artistic passion or to go to a medical school. youre a brilliant person Eli, i hope you know that also. and i loved you, as person, as a friend, as someone who i went head over heels. right now, i do wish we meet again, but in a different time, but now, i only wish you happiness and success. thank you for being part of my life as a simple college student.

[echelonlab-blog]

Interview with Hazeleyedleto

Your URL:

Hazeleyedleto: https://hazeleyedleto.tumblr.com

Echelon Fiction (fanfic account): https://echelonfiction.tumblr.com

Your name: Monique

Link to your Masterlist: https://echelonfiction.tumblr.com/mystores What was your first experience with 30 Seconds to Mars? The Kill, when I was an 18-year-old, how amazing was your first time seeing the Kill? Your Favorite Mars song? Attack Has anything ever happened to you solely because of being a 30STM fan? I met my best friend <3 What is your favorite thing about the fandom? Your least favorite? Fav: no matter what I know there is always going to be a place where I fit in, I’ve never had that before Least: The bitches who think they're better than other bitches, and the daddy kink Is there any advice you would give to someone who is new to the fandom? We’re obsessive, protective but not all that bad, the bad eggs are few and far between but they are loud, try to ignore them How long have you been writing? 18 years. Why did you start writing? (Either in general or for Mars specifically) When I was 12, I had so much stationary that I didn’t know what to do with so I started one story. . . then another then another. Still, have too much stationary but am a writer so its okay Do you write for other fandoms? If so, which ones? Depends, I Like writing the Linkin Park guys and Bucky Barnes, but whatever inspires me really Do you share everything you write? If not, is there a reason why? Hmm, no. I only really share mars stuff, my non- fanfic stuff will be turned in to novels and my non-mars related stuff I don’t really have a platform to do so on. Have you written things that aren't fanfic? If so, could you tell us about those works? Many, my writing is 50/50 fanfic vs Fiction. My latest novel that I finished a couple of weeks ago ended about 85k words is about angels and demons and a prophecy that will either unite or destroy them all Of all your works, which is your favorite and why? Iridescent – (mentioned in above question) because it’s the novel that took over my whole life and kept me hostage until I wrote it from beginning to end rendering me with Stockholm syndrome to the point that I still miss them Stand Tall, They’ll Break Your Heart – first novel I ever finished. and Bright Lights – I’ve never had such a positive response from anything I’ve ever written and get yelled at because I don’t update often enough Is there one that was particularly difficult to write? Why? They’re all difficult to write. I write very emotionally driven novels, they can be draining as I take on the characters at such a personal level that I live what they tell me in a way, I’m crazy, ignore me. What is the ideal writing environment for you? At your desk? Quiet? Music? Anywhere anytime, I usually write sitting on my bed, but can literally write anywhere in any environment. Prefer loud music and a comfy place for my butt What type of fanfic are you most comfortable writing (drama, fluff, angst, drabbles, series, etc.) Mushy series filled with drama What is your favorite fanfic trope? I don’t know what that is but I THINK my answer is dramatic chicks being involved with music or rock bands Is there any trope or subject that you won't write? Daddy kink? Are there any special tools that you use when creating or writing your story? My fingers!? My stories are often inspired by songs or video clips or something like that J Do you write your story in order or do you jump around and then string it together at the end? Sometimes, especially with fanfictions. Like with Bright Lights (my biggest Mars fanfic) I have four future versions, but the reason I do that is to better understand them in the ‘bright lights’ version. Do you outline, or do a great deal of prep work or do you 'fly by the seat of your pants'? Up until my novels Attack and Iridescent I ALWAYS prided myself about being a pantser, but I really enjoyed being a planner for those two novels. How do you usually get your inspiration? Music and Video clips, sometimes dreams and other places. Do you have ideas on the drawing board or in progress currently that you haven't shared yet? Yeah, Beautiful Disaster, my bff would kill me if I wrote it though, but I have another one in the holster I am thinking about starting April 1st If you have an unpublished work in progress, please pick two to three sentences and share them without context. “Armani,” Stephanie smiled, “I trust you are well?” Mike looked between the two Angels as the embraced in a slight hug and a kiss in the cheek. Stephanie stepping back between him and Chester. “Of course,” Armani smiled. “I’m betting this isn’t a social call?” the other angel asked. “No, Armani, this is Chester and Mike,” she said pointing to the demon who owned the names. “I’ve come to make a request,” Stephanie said looking to Armani from under her eyebrows, trying to gauge her reaction. Her face was poised, it always was, but the mood in the room changed, it was now tension filled. Armani was no fool, she knew this angel was standing before her with two demons. “You will need to-” “I am a direct crown descendant ” Stephanie said. “You are also standing her with two demons,” “And you are breaking the rules,” “yeah but” “If I was willing I could turn you into ash, right now,” Stephanie pointed out. “and I would be in the right,” she told. Armani held her gaze. “now, are you going to follow the rules and grant me my appearance for request, or am I going to have to take care of things another way?” Stephanie’s lips curl upward Armani’s lip curled downward as she turned slightly. Do you like requests? Would you like more or less of them? I haven’t had any, but would be happy to take them. Is there an upcoming project from you that you are excited about? Why, and what can you share about it? I can’t wait to edit and Publish Iridescent The best piece of writing advice you've ever received? Can never pick just one Put your butt in a chair and your hands on the keyboard and something will happiness. Writer's block is just an excuse, write anything even the crap, it can always be changed later And, Aim to write every day, even just for 15mins per day, get in that habit and you will find you self-finding 5 mins or 10 mins slots more often then you realise The worst piece of writing advice you've ever received? I don’t know. Wasn’t important, was it? What piece of advice would you give to someone just starting to write fanfic? Give it ago, see how if feels, you don’t have to share it, just try. Three (stories, series, scenes, etc) written by others that you really like or that inspire you? Closer – partcually Tomo in this story, even though the whole story is fucking amazing and Black Fuel and Bikes @fyeahproudglambert Provihitofics had a story about camping, it was great she doesn’t fic no more tho

Are any of your characters closer to being “you” than others? Any reason in particular? Hmmmmm, yes I guess. The characters are all like different parts of me, Phoebe is an angry psycho which is a part I never get to express often, but there are parts of her that are not like me. Same with Helena being independent to some extent.

One thing about me is I like to find things I have in common with people, if I look hard enough, it could become obsessive.

Are any of your characters based on someone you know? Hmm a lot of my male characters look like rock stars if that counts. Are any of your plots based on something that happened to you? No, but one day Favorite font for writing? Don’t have one Do you have a 'day job'? If so, what? I am a student studying Bachelor of Social Science (psychology) with hopes to get good enough scores to get into Psychology. I am Also an Author and a qualified Mental health peer worker. Do you consider yourself a reader outside of fanfic? Yup, Your favorite book? Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson Your favorite things to do when you're not writing? What does ‘not writing’ mean? .  . . nah I like to watch Safari live, see my niece and nephew, explore the wild and hate on frogs The strangest thing you've ever eaten? My brothers used to make me eat grass stalks, oh oh CAVIAR I got told it wasn’t Caviar, it was freaking caviar Looks at @Fyeahproudglambert Two truths and a lie? I hate frogs, I’ve never met my best friend, I love the feel of fallen out hair Five albums you'd want if stranded on a desert island? Cant I just take my Spotify? I actually don’t think I can answer this? I don’t just listen to albums all the way through, . .  . This is war (plus attack and the kill) LLFD Breakaway kelly Clarkson Hybrid theory A thousand suns Something surprising about you? I have a really good memory And I usually come off as pretentious and up myself, because I am highly critical of things and probably way too opinionated, but I am actually a really nice, loyal and caring person who just wants to do good and help as many people as I can Favorite food to enjoy while watching Netflix? Anything, maybe a packet of sea salt chippies. Favorite way to spend a Saturday night? Writing Blankets Tucked or Untucked? Right side untucked, left side tucked Do you have any pets? Would you like to tell us about them? Dog, Ella - She shares my birthday, Sasha – not my dog, my brother's dog but I grew up with her and am temporarily looking after her, Cats: Ollie, Angel, Sully. I got Ollie first (After my cat Joel died) and then my brother got Angel (she was being mistreated somewhere else) Ollie and Angel bonded n such a human love type way, and we decided they could not be separated, so I got Angel too, guess what though, 9 month old cats can have babies, Angel had three Kittens, Lucky, Sully and Heat, my brother kept heat, I kept sully and Lucky went to a loving home J Musicals, yes or no? If yes, what movie/show would you like to see made into a musical? No, thank you Tell us a joke. Mars fans who hate and bitch on everything the band does Are there any particular battles or struggles in your life you'd like to tell us about? Hmm, I mean I am an open book with the things I have been through, and am happy to talk about them at any time, there are many things from abuse, abandonment, isolation, major depression, self-harm, suicidal ideology, my brother was recently in a coma ,my mother’s cancer journey, my heart issues, social phobia, PTSD, horderism and crippling self-doubt and anxiety, to tell the short story. While some things still plague me, I find all of it also drives me to make my life better, and t do the best I can every day. Life struggles are hard, but they also enrich me to not only help people in my ‘day job’ but to help me write richer stories. Anything you'd like to add? You guys are doing a great job. When I started Echelon fiction, this is kinda what I wanted it to be but I never had the drive to pull it off, I love how innovative you guys are being and changing things up getting your followers involved, its really cool! Good job, keep going

[differentcollectionpersonaus]

Getting it out there

I have no idea what to write. I have so many plans and hobbies I want to become good at but its like im chained down with ankle weights. I want to become a writer, I also have a strong passion for art. But in the age of 18 I haven't been drawing as much as I should have so I could actually come as far as to how long I have been drawing. I have also written since I knew my letters. I think its awkward to write in my own language so I stick to English but my vocabulary is unbelievably weak and I try to read books in English but I can't focus on the sentences. I have that problem even if i'm reading Norwegian texts. Its hard. I know I just have to get up and write. For hours. Thats why im sitting here now. I fall in love with what others write and spends hours researching what others have to say about it when i could've used that time to improve myself.

I'm really scared to go out there where they are. I don't even have that much real life friends so how im i gonna make it in the internet? I don't understand anything. My dreams are so big and strong but i just walk on time. I have a lot of it. I'm in my younger years there is no rush. But then suddenly im older. Everything moves to fast and i'm not noticing it. I had the exact same thought four years ago and i still havent done anything. It's sad. I can sit in my bed. Have my laptop open and reading all these wonderful tips and looks at peoples book collections and art and I look up and see the dim light surrounding my desk. It's the perfect time to write, draw or play the piano. But i cant get up to do it. My bookshelf standing there with all my book waiting for me to pick one up and open it. And i don't. What's the point of reading if you can't even catch the words? Suddenly I am three pages in front when I realize I haven't paid attention at all. I try to go back and re-read it but it won't stick. Frustration and anger fills me. “why can't I do what i love so much?” At least what I loved. Now it's just a dark spiral of me standing there with all these directions and nowhere to go.

Still I think this is much better written than the other biography-character thing i tried. This is coming straight from my heart. It pains me that i'm like this. I want to start a small bookstore since no one of the other stores where you can leave your stuff in my area takes in old books anymore. I want to become a great pianist. Not necessarily for the stage but for the joy. The family parties and quiet moments for myself. I want to become an artist. Let others enjoy the pictures I create with my mind and some paper. I want to become a writer to show people my world and thoughts.

All the pressure about school and people telling me what i can't or shouldn't do doesn't help much. But luckily i'm not the one to lose hope. I want to do everything that i want. I'm ready to work for it. But i'm so unbelievably scared. I know I have people around me. That supports me. This is big and important to me. But i don't have any connections. I have no one to ask questions. I'm not the person to ask just freely on the net, even anonymously. I have no idea what i'm doing. I went to a lovely piano school where i learned a whole lot, but had to quit since we didn't have the money for it. Now my keyboard stands in my room collecting dust since i no longer know what I can do. I have tried apps and searched online but it's really hard to keep it up. I got myself a cheap iPad from my birthday money, and its great but i have lost all energy and motivation to pick it up and use it.

I have used a lot of money on my hobbies. Money that's just burning up because I can't control my will. One day that iPad is gonna break. No surprise but then, what did I use it for? Following my dream and doing what I intended in the first place or letting it sit on my desk untouched or just used for looking at the things I wanted to create. What about all the art supplies and pens i have gotten myself saying “this will do the trick” even if i know that it won't. Only I can do the trick only that i don't know how to manage it yet. Even if I do.. I don't really know what's holding me back. I know that if i fuck up. I can delete my account and start over as somebody else. Its easy but still my mark will be set, but even then they may not be able to find me. I know people can easily find me with some posts and a deleted account if they really wanted to. People have done things like that for less of a reason. I guess i just want to become part of something. I try several different things to see where I fit in. All I have ever wanted most in my life is a gang i can call my own. Not that im the boss but just that feeling of being part of something. I have never truly been together like that with anything. I have had friends but never many. Just one close friend at the time and their friends. I got further inn. I was just there because of my one connection to the group. I could call some of them friends but we never hung out together alone. I hate that. I want to be in a group where I can feel close to everyone. I'm really shy and anxious, especially on the net and over messages, but i have worked really hard for this.

I don't know how it got to my personal life but.. That's how writing just straight from your heart is. You never know how its gonna end. I could take this to a nun in some kind of mountain if I wanted to. That's one thing i love about writing. It can take you anywhere, and you don't need to go anywhere. Even better: I can take whoever reads this to my paradise. I can take you to a distant world that is my mind, just with some movements of my hand. I can tell you about a waterfall hidden behind a wall in the mountain and you`ll stand there with me with your own colors and and pictures. You and I cooperate to make one picture. I describe the scene and with your mind you fill in the lines and color the whole thing in whatever you want. I love that. I can help hundreds or maybe thousand create a scene in their head with my words and your minds. I like the sound of that. I know i'm not alone in this, and after sitting here, just spewing out words from inside of myself for the last 45 minutes I have realized that I can't write anything without help. Without people to read my stories there will be no picture. Just some small lines without color or pencil streaks. I know that even if that wasn't the case i still need you to read it, but something about that way of thinking can really boosts someones mind. Of Course I always have a picture of what my lines look like, but that's not the most interesting. I can sit here and speculate for hours of what that picture may look like and you can read that line once and have a clear picture of what it looks like.

I wish i could read better. I haven't manage to color anyones lines for a long time. Even of i keep buying books and hoping that one day I get to read them.It's quite silly and stupid really. I feel weak that I can't pick up anything that I love and continue to work my way up to love it more. I have gotten myself up to school and jobs that i hate when I just want to give it all to stay home and do what really calls my heart but then i get the chance and I don't take it. If i don't start now i may never get it either.

I don't know if I want to post this. I feel weak and ashamed of myself for not doing all the things I should have, but on the other hand maybe someone needs this. They can use my low point to get just a tiny step closer to their high points. It's a quite long post, but if someone actually reads it and find it helpful it will be more than enough for me. I just wrote this to get it out of my system really. It will maybe benefit us both. I have touched a lot of themes and parts of my life and thoughts so I think I will end it here. I feel drained in a good way. I haven't written anything like this in a long time and it was good to finally get it out.

[mrmagoriumswonderpussy]

ummm hi how about uh 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50??

I have no idea if this is a joke or not but I’m bored and feeling kinda numb rn so lets do this.

1: What color pen do you do usually write with? - any color on paper, i love colorful pens but usually use black or blue tbh; when i write on my hands i use black

2: Last three youtube videos? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPAKFZ9hLbo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVOGpaGItNU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bii_dQIY2y8 (can u tell i was on a falsettos/andrew rannells kick again today)

3: What subjects does your favorite teacher teach? Is it the same as your favorite subject? - acting and hell yes

4: How many pillows do you sleep with? - usually 3

5: Favorite warm beverage? - hot cocoa or warm apple cider

6: What was the first poster in your room for? - the beatles

7: What creeps you out the most? - eyes

8: How many scarves do you own? - LOTS (i had a Phase)

9: Favorite piece of jewellery? - my chokers

10: How long do you toast your bread for? - i put it on the setting 2 or 3 and wait

11: You’re going to have a party, and anyone you invite is guaranteed to come. Who are the first 5 on your guest list? - answered this in the last ask

12: Earliest memory? - i was two and a half or three and i woke up with my reindeer stuffed animal named bambi and my favorite blanket which was a pastel pink, blue, and yellow knit blanket with holes in it and i heard loud music playing from the living room so i went to turn it off and a few of my dad’s old friends had stayed the night and had crashed on various pieces of furniture in the living room. they were still fast asleep so i turned the music off and went to wake my dad up. he asked what i wanted for breakfast and i said french toast. so we lit incense made french toast with apple butter for everyone who was still there and i pretended that my reindeer stuffed animal helped us cook and i helped flip the french toast too. everything was warm and happy and peaceful and its the very first vivid thing i remember

13: What is the oldest piece of clothing that you own? - i have a winter hat shaped like a frog somewhere in the downstairs closet that ive owned since i was like 4

14: What was your childhood stuffed animal? - a lamaze caterpillar named poozy that my mom received at my baby shower. i still have her :)

15: Childhood dream job? - veterinarian as a little kid but actress now

16: What is a recent dream that you remember? - lots and lots of nightmares ://

17: Do you often wake up in the middle of sleeping? - yeah lots

18: What was the best gift you ever received? - hamilton tickets!!!

19: What was the best gift you ever gave? - i gave my father a booklet of little drawings of all our best memories and traditions

20: What languages would you like to learn? - french i guess? idk like id love to Know spanish but i dont want to Learn spanish ya feel?

21: Pastel or neon? - ooh i love both but lately neon

22: Favorite element? - for periodic curium or iridium and for like,, the four elements water

23: Did you/do you believe in fairies? - i always did but now i like,, lowk dont have beliefs either way in stuff like that because like i dont know and nobody really Knows so why should i care ya know?

24: What does your name mean? - star

25: Does anyone hold your heart right now? - answered this in the last one

26: Biggest surprise of the last month? - finding out that david from the new normal is the same guy as riley from national treasure (im sure this isnt the actual biggest surprise i just cant think of any others right now)

27: What was your first ship? - like before i knew what shipping was i had a few but my first conscious one was exr (les mis)

28: Favourite thing to bake/cook? - ooh i like making pancakes or brownies

29: How long does it take for you to trust someone? - a frighteningly short amount of time

30: What was the last bad idea that you followed through with? - idk??? the only one that comes to mind is when i ate paint cause it was pretty but that was last year and im sure ive had bad ideas since then

31: First five things you do once you get out of bed in the morning, GO! - turn off alarm, find a flannel, put on clothes, brush teeth, wash face

32: Thoughts on dystopian novels/films? - some are good but they give me an existential crisis every time

33: Thoughts on romance? - god id sell my soul for that shit im such a hopeless romantic 

34: How do you want to die? - happy

35: Top two things on your bucket list? - perform on a broadway stage, meet andrew rannells

36: What song do you get ready to? - ooh lots of different ones, usually showtunes

37: Heels, sneakers, or boots? - boots

38: You now have 500 dollars. What do you do with it? - good things for good people

39: Favorite lyric? - right now its either “love reads like a bad biography - all the names are changed to protect the innocent” or “lovers live and die fortissimo” (both from falsettos”

40: Earliest childhood memory? - same as number 12

41: Who do you wish you could live with? - my dream is high key to get a cool group of drama-free friends and live in a cute apartment in nyc but on a completely separate side of things if my teacher and his wife adopted me that would be a good time

42: How do you balance work (school etc) and personal enjoyment? - i dont im awful at time management

43: Which teacher inspired you the most in high school? - my acting teacher (im still in high school but i can almost guarantee the answer will be the same when i graduate)

44: Where do you see yourself in 5 years time? - ideally starting college in nyc and auditioning for broadway shows

45: Think of one person you like. Now describe them in one sentence. - already answered

46: Think of one person you don’t like. Describe them in a sentence. - he doesnt realize how much his bigotry hurts me.

47: Showers or baths? - baths as a concept seem nice but i havent taken one in years so ig showers

48: What do you do when you get hiccups? - repent

49: Extrovert or introvert? - a little of both

50: Do you like caffeine? - i hate the taste of coffee tbh but chocolate or caffeinated tea is good