#Stolas : Oh satan someone died oh no oh no oh no | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lemonthepotato · 1 year ago

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So I finished Helluva Boss today. I like to make notes when I consume a piece of media. I never said those notes were peak maturity. Far from.

Enter.

Two seconds in: holy shit is that MORDERCAI?? 😰😰😰😰 no wayyyyyyyy.

And that kids, is how you traumatise a class of kids. I mean, I know I’m meant to feel bad for… whatever her name is, but those poor children 😭

HELP I LAUGHED LIKE AN IDIOT WHEN SHE THAT KID GOT CHOKEHELD IM A MONSTER OMG. IM SORRY 😭 it was just so funny 2 me I’m so so sorry.

She’s kinda hot tho when she’s a demon. Ngl.

I need the furry wolf’s number. IMMEDIATELY. I am DOWN BAD.

Is that fucking… stock horror music? HAHAHA- no no I’m imagining it, but imagine if it was.

HES BRITISH. THE BATHTUB GUY IS BRITISH.

BRUH. HES DOWN BAD, EVEN AFTER THE SHIT HES STILL RAMBLING ON?? HIRE A HOOKER!! GOD ITS ALWAYS… certain types of… I’m Irish, okay?!?! It’s a personal attack on me!

HAHAHA. L. L MOXIE L. The family just died anyway that’s a fucking LlLlLlLlLlL.

Closing thoughts: give me the satanic wolfs number immediately. I am down bad rn.

Rating: 3/5.

It kept me entertained, and hooked.

Episode 2:

This song reminds me of a particular band, I just don’t know what. There’s a certain “style” that’s familiar to it. I don’t know what.

Yeah I just. I saw that exact thing coming. Something going wrong, and something going wrong fast.

Octavia is just like me except my dad hates me and is just as unstable as my mom.

Okay so here’s my question: his eyes. Uhhh, the British bathtub guy. I forgot. It’s full red, is that his iris? How huge is his range of vision? Because MINE? Hun-knee, I have visual snow syndrome and shit eyesight, I’m nearsighted, this British fucker- see I’m Irish so this is a personal attack on me.

If you become a demon when you die, are their kids biological or did they die too?… dark thought.

Is there another… character that isn’t Moxie? Because I don’t care to remember his name tbh. So I’ll call him ‘Not Moxie’.

Blitzo, Stolas, I get it mixed up. And I can’t tell who Moxie is and who… the other one is. Moxie has a high voice, right??? I don’t know. I’ll learn it eventually.

Imagine your dad loving you. Couldn’t be me. Ever. Now I’m shedding. Skin or tears? You decide. (I shed my skin when emotional, like a snake. HISSSS)

Thoughts: Poor Via.

Ranking: 3/5. I liked it, I guess.

Episode 3:

God damn it why are all the female demons so hot. Damn you episode. I mean, *ahem* hello senora. ;)

I think my favourite characters so far are uh… what’s her name? Something -ica, and uh…….. the asshole. What was his name? Is he Stolas or Blitzo? I keep forgetting. 😭

Can I call her Titanic? No reason. She just looks like a… Titanic. Surely there are kids called that. (Rereading this I had a reason for this but I don’t fucking remember what the fuck?)

Blitzo. Gotta remember that. Blitzo. Ok. I’ve got it.

…UH OH. IVE BEEN CAUGHT. HELP THAT FOURTH WALL BREAK CREEPED ME OUT OK IM SORRY FOR BEING A SIMP IM SORRY.

Overall thoughts: None.

Ranking: 5/5. It was my favourite episode so far.

Episode 4

Uh… I liked how the piano switched places just to fall on his head? Yeah this episode kinda was meh.

2/5.

Episode 5:

Yeah I didn’t care much for this either.

2/5. Maybe I’m not paying attention enough.

Episode 6:

Okay so Red girl (what I’ve been calling in my head) is called Millie.

“Ee-dough” it’s pronounced Eh-doe period. In Japanese, ‘e’ means the ‘eh’ sound.

Is that. I was right, that’s just House Of Leaves or whatever?? It’s not bad to use horror stock music just funny.

Ohhh, Stolas is the bathtub guy. I think I’m developing a sexual attraction to him. Not as much as I was down bad for Loona. And the other one. Ika. I’m calling her Ika. Wait, Verosika?

Episode 7:

Okay… I am now realising that Moxie and Millie are married. I’m kinda dumb.

Season 2:

Lmao M&M.

HELP STOP GASLIGHTING MOXXIE INTO THINKING HES FAT EVERYONE IS SO MEAN TO HIM SHHSHSHS

Ah yes, the angel dust treatment. “Harder.”

Bro the pain of someone typing and then not responding.

Ok… why is season one episode 8 only out now? Huh? I don’t understand… (I checked the desc, nvm my words)

The mean girls reference XD.

I’ve heard of holding your breath, but not under honey?

The more I hear Kesha-

You: Her name is Beelzebub

Me: Anyway Kesha

The more I hear her, the more I might develop a Keshaccent. She’s cool but she seems like the kind of girl who would’ve bullied me for being autistic in high school.

So this takes place after uh… what happened again? I forgot. The night at the… lust club? Yeah whatever I forgot. Obvious from the start, just forget what exactly happened… anyway, how the fuck can Blitzo DIE ALONE?! HES IN HELL! You need a cold shower man…

Overall thoughts: I liked it. I’d give it a 7/10. I thought I wouldn’t like it, but I also thought that about XRA… I liked some characters, and even the ones that are like- beyond horrible people (like stella) I found entertaining to watch at the very least.

Pro’s:

- I liked the characters relationships with each other in various episodes. It made for comedic, or sometimes sad situations.

- I rarely found myself bored.

- It was pretty okay.

Cons:

- Some of the humour bordered on whiplash. Going from an emotional scene to comedic can be… really distracting. It wasn’t too much of an issue. I guess it’s intended as comic relief. Some of the humour was also immature which can throw some people off but I didn’t mind, I like vulgarity.

- Honestly, I can’t think of much else to critique. It was pretty good. It just didn’t impress me, or wow me, or make me feel much other than ‘oh, that’s sad’ or ‘oh, that’s funny’. But that’s okay.

Edit: I forgot to watch the pilot episode… and a new episode dropped today. So yeah, did that, been there. It’s been there did that, not… did that been- ugh why do I care about the semantics of this?

#lemons random rants #helluva boss #lemons first impressions

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g-on-ef · 4 years ago

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Hey if you’re still doing that 50 cliches and prompts, perhaps we can get a crumb of #23 for Blitzo x Striker? 👉👈

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A\N: Nonnie you ask for crumbs and I'll give you the whole bread ^^ also if you guys want send me some Striker x Blitz prompts of your own or one from this list ^^

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#23: “Just tell why you did it!” “Because I’m in love with you, okay!”

Striker was fighting to remain conscious, the past thirty minutes have not been kind to him...especially with the bitch Stella trying to get back at him for shooting her.

Earlier today Striker got a call from Stella to come to her as she had a new plan that she wanted Striker to carry out, a plan that could finally break Stolas.

When he came to her palace Stella told him her plan.

“Why kill the cheater when you can break his spirit,”

“Don’t you already do that every time he’s reminded that he’s marry to you?”

Stella glared at the imp, the one thing she hated about him is his mouth and his constant snide remarks.

“I will ignore what you just said, now onto the plan, the best way to get back at Stolas is to kill the most important person to him in all of Hell,”

“Octavia?”

“Touch her and I will kill you myself,”

“Well you did said you don’t care who I have to go through to kill him so technically-”

Her hand slammed on the desk she was sitting behind.

“Touch my daughter and I will put you through such agony that’ll make Lucifer himself coward in fear,”

Striker bit his tongue, he knew when he had pushed his luck and he could see he was pushing the last of Stella’s buttons.

“No the one I want you to kill is the piece of shit that ruined everything, the thing that Stolas continues to see, I want you to kill Blitzo,”

The minute that name slipped out of her mouth Striker did not hesitate to take his blessed tip revolver and shoot her with it.

Her guard was down so she didn’t have the time to move until it was to late, the gun hit her right in the torso going right through her, paralyzing her.

“Ahh!” she shouted, Striker was getting ready to shot her again when the door open and someone grabbed him or try to.

Striker was able to handle the bodyguards that came in, being a wrath imp mixed with Lilith’s bloodline gave him enough strength to beat the shit outta the guards...but not enough to defend himself from Stella who had her own gun and shot him, her aim wasn’t good so all she was able to do was shoot his shoulder.

Striker screamed as he felt the pain, before he could do anything, one Stella’s guards pulled out an angel weapon and stabbed him with it.

The pain was the unbearable, falling to his knees his attacker began to stab his back making the assassin scream.

“Stop!”

The attacker turned to his queen.

“Taking him to the dungeon, I will deal with him there,”

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Striker held Blitz closer to his body, he’s never been this gentle with someone before. Never took his time with someone and enjoyed their body.

Never appreciated every sound his partner made or the expressions they made whenever he was pleasuring them.

Normally he would fuck them as fast as he could and leave, with Blitz he couldn’t do that.

The past three nights have been amazing, ordinarily Striker didn’t do this he didn’t try to get to know people, hell he tried to keep them as far away from him as possible, especially if he was gonna go through with his plans he couldn’t afford to have any weaknesses, nothing the overlords or royals can use against him.

And yet here he was, pleasuring Blitz, slowly moving in and out of him.

The feeling of his walls around his cock made Striker groan in pleasure, he took in every moan, whimper, whatever sound came out of Blitz he listen to it and tried to engraved it into his memory, knowing this will be the last time they ever get to be like this.

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He opened his eyes and watched as Stella glared at him, her servants pushed her around in her wheelchair as she stared at him with such hatred that Striker was surprised that the bitch didn’t have the ability to turn him to stone or kill him with her glare.

“Why the fuck are you protecting him?! He chose my good for nothing piece of shit of a husband and you still protect him?! He doesn’t care about you!”

Striker stared at her, he knew what she was trying to do, his sperm donor always told him people would say anything to hurt you so if they aim low than you aim lower.

“It pisses you off doesn’t,”

Stella glared at him before Striker continued,

“That one lowly imp managed to capture not one but two powerful beings attention, your husband and me, Lilith’s bastard. One tiny lowly imp has two of your puppets wrapped around his finger. Someone who’s supposed to be superior than imps, and yet every dick that you want to be fucked by is either getting fucked or fucking the imp that you hate,”

Stella’s cool facade fell as she lifted her fist and punched his stomach, the punch shouldn’t have hurt but because Stella’s rings were made of angel weapons it definitely was going to leave a mark.

“Kill him, make sure he doesn’t make it out of this alive!”

Striker closed his eyes ready to accept death and Her embrace, the last memory he had was the last night he and Blitz made love to one another, the night were Blitz and he curled around each other silently promising each other a piece of their heart to one another.

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When he opened his eyes he was met with a bright light he blinked trying to clear the bluriness of his vision.

“Am I dead?”

“No but you’re gonna wish you were when I am done with you,”

Striker turned his head to the voice that sound awfully like Blitz’s.

Oh, it is Blitz and he was angry.

“Uhh...hi?”

“Hi! HI?! You’re ass has been lying in this bed for the past 22 hours we almost lost you and all you have to say is HI? YOU FUCKING DICK!”

Striker lifted himself up and watched as Blitz continued to glare at him.

“Do you have any fucking idea how scared I was! Fuck if it weren’t for the mating bite and Lady Lilith helping us we wouldn’t have saved you!”

Oh...right...he forgot that he gave Blitz a mating bite.

“Blitz-”

“Do you have any idea what was going through my mind when I felt your pain? What I was feeling when I heard your screams?!”

The city imp got up from the chair he was sitting on,

“I almost lost you! I almost lost the first person to show me respect, to remind me what it was like to be loved and all you have to fucking say is hi!”

Striker looked at Blitz who was crying now,

Striker grabbed Blitz and pulled him on his lap as the city imp cried into his chest.

“Lady Lilith told me, told me that bitch tortured you because she wanted me dead! Why didn’t you tell her about me?! Why didn’t you just tell her where I was at so that she could’ve let you go?!”

Hearing that made Striker growled.

“You fucker you really think I would let her hurt you?!” he pulled back and grabbed the imp by his shoulders.

“I’ll die before I’ll let anyone touch you!”

“Don’t fucking say that! You almost die because of me!”

“And I’ll do it again if I have to!”

Blitz was getting mad, he didn’t want Striker to die because of him hell he didn’t want Striker to waste his time with someone like him, he deserved better and yet Striker nearly died because of him, and here he was telling him he would do it again without hesitations.

“FUCK! Why?! Just tell me why the fuck would you do that?! Why would you sacrifice yourself for me?!”

“Because I’m in love with you!”

Striker’s eyes widen as did Blitz’s. Fuck that was not supposed to come out of his mouth, hell he was never supposed to tell Blitz that he loved him, that was a secret he was going to take to his grave and yet...and yet he didn’t regret saying, he didn’t regret telling Blitz the truth, his city imp deserved to hear those words.

“You...you dickwad no you don’t! You don’t love me! You can’t!”

Blitz curled in on himself not sure if he could believe what Striker was saying. He couldn’t be in love with him...right?

Striker wasn’t surprised that Blitz didn’t believed him, from the time they spent together Striker knew that Blitz had low self esteem and when Striker listened to him he thought he was playing with him but was surprised to learn that Striker genuinely cared for what he had to say, that he paid attention and wanted to learn more about him.

He had to tell him he meant it when he wanted to know more about Blitz even when he didn’t believe him.

“I’m in love with you,” he took Blitz’s face in his hands and place a kiss on his forehead, cheeks, the scars on his face.

“I love you Blitz, I’ve been in love with you since I heard about you,”

Blitz looked at him, before wrapped his arms around Striker’s neck and kissed him. the cowboy and the city imp kissed as if it would’ve been their last day in hell.

In a way it almost was, Striker thanked La Santa Muerte , for watching over him and making sure he returned to the one he loved.

Blitz was thankful towards Satan that Striker was alive and that he was here with him, the two pulled back for some much needed air, Blitz rested his head on Striker’s chest wanting to listen to his favorite sound in Hell. Striker’s heart beat.

“Promise me, promise me that you’ll stay by my side forever,”

“I promise you forever Blitz, when time wants to tear us apart I’ll stay by you, I promise you always; never will I wander from you never will I leave you; I promise you eternity, that even when our time comes and we are reincarnated into the next life I will always find you. I promise to love you Blitz my heart, soul, and body is yours forever and always and way pass eternity,”

“Wow...” Blitz pulled back and looked into Striker’s eyes.

“That was some fancy words you just used,”

Striker just smiled as he pulled Blitz closer to his body.

“For you and only you,”

#striker x blitzo #BlitzStrike #answers asked #anonymous #anon #Helluva Boss #helluva blitzo #helluva boss striker #helluva striker #helluva boss blitzo

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kathyprior4200 · 4 years ago

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Helluva Hotel/Hazbin Boss (Parody)

HELLUVA HOTEL (PILOT) October 82, 9102

THE PILOT IS HERE!

Starring the incredible talents of Wat-is Dis, Irma Imp, Johnny Hazbin and Red Doe 666.

In HELL, Imps are the lowest of the low in society, but what happens when one starts a hotel and recreation business? This happens!

Follow Blitzo (the “o” is silent) as he pursues his seemingly impossible goal to help demons peacefully express themselves to reduce the mockery of lower class sinners…plus the exterminations of fellow demons by Exterminators and a rival Heaven group. After a yearly extermination and having his previous office set on fire, Blitzo opens a hotel complete with an office for himself. He hopes that patients will become better individuals, grow to appreciate the imps and support Blitzo’s love of musicals and murder. While most of Hell mocks his goals and dreams, his father and his fellow employee Moxxie mocks it doubly so. Moxxie’s wife, erotic dancer and test subject Millie stick by their sides. When a grumpy Hellhound entity known as “Moonlight Howl” Loona reluctantly reaches out to Blitzo to help in his endeavors, his crazy dream is given a chance to become reality.

HAZBIN BOSS (PILOT) November 52, 9102

THE PILOT IS HERE!

Starring the incredible talents of Blonde Disney Princess In Inferno, SJW Aggressor Moth, Porny Horny Spider Boi, Diabolic Deer Daddy, Gambling Grumpy Cat and Maid of DisHonorly Lust.

Follow Charlie, the princess of Hell as she attempts to run a hybrid rehabilitation/killing residence in a very competitive market and careless chaotic society. She is the head of D.E.M.O.N. (Denizens End Misery Or Not) in correlation to I.M.P. (Immediate Murder Professionals)

She has help from her weapons specialist Vaggie, her powerhouse Angel Dust and torturer/receptionist Alastor. With the help of an ancient book obtained by one of the rich Eldritch family members, they manage to make their work possible by killing humans at the requests of their demon clients, sending them to the Magne Hotel to be tortured, redeemed or be stimulated by endless entertainment. They also attempt to survive each other while trying to keep their business afloat.

But a rival company exists as well in correlation to C.H.E.R.U.B (Cherish Human Existence Revive U Back): A.N.G.E.L. (All Nobody’s Get Extended Life) a.k.a. they reincarnate people so they have a chance to life their human lives, worship God, and not have to endure the forced rehab program.

The scene opened up with “Red Doe 666 Presents…” as shadow curtains opened…

Against a white background designed with eyes, a shadowy figure of Blitzo was seen riding a horse with horns and a spiked tail.

Blitzo was heard singing:

“Here I am…this is me.

There’s nowhere else in Hell I’d rather be

Here I am…what am I to do?

I hope someday I can make my dreams come true

It’s a new world, it’s a new start

Alive with the screaming and the fresh hearts

It’s a new day, it’s a new plan

And it’s waiting for me

Here I am”

A shadowy pentagram glowed and the camera moved down, showing shadowy figures of humans being killed by the three imps with weapons.

A shadow figure of Blitzo looked up at the princess and Lucifer, his face downcast. He wished for a better life, but Lucifer looked down on him as common dirt. Blitzo then turned to the right and encountered a silhouette of his father and mother. Blitzo appeared to try and reason with them, but they both pointed in the other direction. Blitzo sadly turned around, his parents not listening to him.

The city spun within a glowing white pentagram as white angels holding spears surrounded it. Imp City appeared to be burning as shadows of other denizens turned their backs on it.

“Why have I always been a failure?

What can they reason be?

Why don’t they see they can’t take me?

Why don’t they know I long to be free?”

Blitzo stood small and downcast under a towering horned silhouette of his imp father, Donner, yellow critical eyes glowing. Black tendrils made the screen go black. A spinning globe appeared with white eyes blinking at it. Silhouettes of Exterminators later posed with swords and bloodstained bodies around them. Each of them had an x over their right eyes and creepy grins on their faces.

The next scenes showed Imp City in disrepair, weapons and bodies littering the streets. The Pentagram moon stood out in the crimson sky. Homeless demons sat in despair under ripped cardboard boxes, with “Satan Bless,” signs around them. One old store read: “Tricksters and Trades,” another said “Pimp Imps: Strip Club.” The most prominent building was metallic with black and white stripped horns extending out for decoration.

Blitzo slowly walked out from the building onto a balcony. He leaned on a railing, briefly brushing his hand against his face. He was wearing his usual tattered navy blue work suit with orange pink buttons and a red undershirt with a pink straw pin with a face on it. He was also wearing silver cowboy boots.

Blitzo picked up a trumpet and blew a bugle sound, the notes echoing throughout the area, signaling that it was safe for the other imps to come out. The imps opened their windows and peered out from behind alleyways. Blitzo stared at his phone and the clock tower in the live video on it read “365 days until next cleanse.”

The title then appeared: “Welcome to the Helluva Hotel.”

A car barreled through an open portal and ran over a poor imp before screeching to a stop. A red imp with wild black hair stepped out, a bloodstained knife sheathed at her side.

“Wow that was some kill, thank for the backup sweetie,” said a male imp, Crosser. Both of them had just finished killing their target via a runaway chase. Crosser had dreamed of crossing over to the human world, and had wanted to run the human man over after the man had killed one of his sinner friends.

Millie shut the door, wearing her usual black tank top, torn black pants and black collar around her neck. Her horns were shirt and black with small white stripes on them.

“Yeah, listen, I don’t want to let word out that I’ve been helping random clients with unusual requests for their targets. It was just a quick cash grab, you got it?”

She smiled with large doe eyes.

“Whatever you say, slut,” Crosser remarked with a laugh that followed.

“Wow how rude can you be?” she exclaimed. She leaned in dangerously close. “Let me know who you find something better to call me, you scrawny runty pack of bird shit. Tell the boys at the club I said hi.” She blew him a kiss before stepping back. He grumbled and drove away before his car crashed with a sideways flip.

Millie strolled along the sidewalk and grabbed someone else’s stick of rotten candy.

“Hey!” the imp yelled as Millie ran off with a giggle. “You snooze you lose, sucker!”

She couldn’t wait to tell Blitzo of her successful day.

Later, Moxxie and Stolas were busy helping Blitzo prepare for his big speech. Moxxie was straightening up his navy blue jacket, while Stolas was massaging his horns. They were in Stolas’ room and the meeting would take place in front of the palace.

“Do you remember what to say, sir?” Moxxie asked Blitzo.

Blitzo smiled and stood up straight. “Yes, let’s do this!”

Stolas smiled as well, wiggling his eyebrows. “Just look at me if you’re nervous.”

“Come on guys, I know what to say!” Blitzo exclaimed. “I just feel like we need to…I don’t know, make things sound more exciting…”

He randomly played with bobble-heads of Moxxie and Millie before tossing them aside. Then he gasped, getting an idea.

“What if I…”

“Sing a song about it?” Moxxie asked with a huff of annoyance.

“Exactly Moxxie! Now you’re starting to get the hang of things around here!”

Stolas playfully poked Blitzo’s face, while Blitzo and Moxxie responded with grimaces.

“Please don’t sing,” Moxxie chided to his boss. “This is serious.”

“Well you know…” Blitzo said, climbing on top of Stolas’ dresser, knocking things down, “I do find I’m better at expressing my goals through song!”

“Blitzy, stop knocking over my belongings!” Stolas puffed up his feathers in anger.

Moxxie glared at Blitzo as he walked over. “Life isn’t a musical, sir. Even if it were, yours would be so atrocious, not even Vox would allow it on that unwatched channel!”

“Then I’ll just have to use more of your salaries to release a better jingle,” Blitzo responded with a glare and sneer. He reached over for his plastic cup of iced coffee and downed several gulps of the light brown and white liquid. He sighed in content after he finished. Stolas made a disgusted face as some splashes of the drink spilled onto the floor.

“I’d be more than happy to watch it,” Stolas replied to him. “In fact, I could watch you all day in any form…”

“Oh please,” Blitzo scoffed at Stolas. “Get over that one time thing already. My credibility is at risk of being lost here!”

Moxxie folded his arms and opened his mouth in frustration. “Your credibility? What about I.M.P.? You’re just making it look like a fucking joke!” He took a breath and pinched his nose briefly. “We are still a company, even if…things have changed a bit…”

None of them could forget when someone “accidentally” set their office on fire, and had to start over with several tasks.

Blitzo grinned and pulled out a piece of paper. “Oh, I have these other ideas of what to say. The highlighted bits are the best parts.��

Moxxie took the paper, and scanned it in disbelief. “It’s all highlighted. Are these drawings?”

“Yep!” Blitzo affirmed, pointing to the paper. On it were several drawings of horses of different sizes, colored in with brown, gray, white and black crayons. The drawings looked like those that a child would do. Beside the horses were several names labeled for each one: Thumbtack, Bottlecap, Stapler, Live Wire and Toothpick. The list read: I.M.P. History, Why Blitz Is The Best, Jingle Suggestions, and Ending Song. At the bottom was a crude drawing of Blitzo on a stage, dancing with Moxxie, Millie, and Loona as dead humans with xs on their eyes and tongues out piled up around them. Nearby, imps and demons tossed them money and flowers.

Blitzo’s eyes were shining in wonder. “See! That’s the ultimate goal! Everyone’s happy and appreciating us. And we still get to kill to our hearts’ content.”

“It’s not that simple, sir!” Moxxie groaned with a face-palm. “Just follow the talking points we went over.” He grabbed hold of Blitzo’s collar. “And Do. Not. Sing.”

“Whatever,” Blitzo said as he shoved Moxxie off him. “If not that, then I can always do my improv skills.”

Blitzo saluted and walked out of the room, while the others followed. They were soon outside the palace near a round table where several owls had tea one time. There was a camera crew and several imps taking pictures. Blitzo took his seat in a chair, while Stolas stood regally nearby. Millie grinned and gave Blitzo a thumbs up. Loona slouched in a chair and shot avatars of Moxxie and Husk in an app game on her phone.

“Hi I’m Blitzo,” said the imp to a wealthy demon with white tentacle hair, gray-green skin and a pink dress with fur and matching heels. Her gray skinned brother wore a green suit and a green top hat decorated with living yellow eyes and teeth around the brim.

“Helsa Von Eldritch,” she deadpanned. “I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you but that’d be a lie. You can put your hand away. I don’t touch imps and sinners. I have standards.”

Blitzo withdrew his hand. “How’s that working out for you, Hel?”

“Be glad that I’m letting you live after you so rudely forgot to address me as Lady Helsa Von Eldritch,” She fluffed her hair. “My time is money and no one really wants you here. You’re only here because Charlie forgot to show up for Hell’s Royal Vogue fashion segment. One that features me as the favorite, obviously.”

Nearby were magazines that showed Sevaithan, Helsa, Octavia and Charlie wearing fancy clothing while their faces were obscured under wide brimmed hats. Seviathan wore his usual green top hat with eyes on it and fancy green suit. Octavia wore a dress of black, Helsa’s was pink and Charlie’s was apple red in the pictures.

“But…” Blitzo began, before Helsa cut him off.

“So don’t get cocky with me clown or I’ll fucking strangle you.” She bared her sharp teeth as Blitzo silently gulped. Helsa sat down in her seat, painting her sharp nails.

“And I thought that bratty kid was a piece of shit,” Blitzo thought to himself.

Blitzo spotted Stolas’ daughter Octavia with her mother sitting in high throne-like chairs at an adjacent table.

“How’s it going, Via?” Blitzo called.

“Good until you showed up,” she replied in a British accent.

“Oh!” Stolas added. “We should all go on a family trip to Loo Loo Land sometime! I’ll bring some balloons and popcorn if you want.”

“That place reeks of corporate shame,” Octavia scoffed in her seat. “It’s just a rip off of Loo Loo World, anyway. Besides, I would much rather hang out with Helsa than die of embarrassment again.”

“So…you friends with her or not?” Blitzo asked in confusion.

Octavia rolled her eyes and retorted. “You and my father still a thing?”

“Blitzo,” warned the white owl queen Melodia, mentioning to the waiting crew.

Blitzo took his seat near Helsa and Seviathan, the two wealthy Eldritch siblings.

“Right,” Blitzo said, straightening his clothes and looking at the cameras.

“Hi, I’m Blitzo, the “o” is silent and I’m the founder of I.M.P. Are you a piece of…”

Moxxie shook his head and mouthed, “Not an ad.”

“…shit.”

Blitzo took a deep breath, his smile fading a little. “As most of you know, I was born here in Hell, and growing up, I’ve always tried to see the good in everything around me. Hell is my home and…”

A stray feather floated in front of Blitzo’s nose, causing the imp to sneeze.

“…some you are my clients, so I suppose I should try to be more concerned about you. We just went through another Extermination.”

Millie gave him two thumbs up.

Blitzo continued. “We’ve lost so many souls, including homeless people, and it breaks my heart to see other imps and hellhounds being slaughtered every year. Same goes for sinners. I mean, they brought it on themselves mostly, but then again, if there were no demons around, then there would be no business for me to run.”

Sudden anger sparked in his golden eyes. “In our society, imps are not even given a chance!”

He pounded his fist on the table, spilling his coffee drink all over his jacket. He swore and tried to lick some of it off. Stolas arrived and quickly wiped the stains off as much as he could. Blitzo brushed the owl prince away before continuing.

“Imps are the lowest of the low? Why is that? Because we’re somehow poorer than sinners? We’re lesser in numbers so imps and hellhounds can be called to service by random strangers anytime they wish? How are imps somehow lower than sinners, who are supposedly lower than the elite hellborn? I mean, imps are born in Hell…shouldn’t we get the proper treatment we deserve? I’m the founder of the most well-known company in Imp City, along with access to the human world, no less! That should definitely count for something! I cannot stand idly by while the place I live is subject to such judgement and death.”

Blitzo continued… “So, I’ve been thinking…isn’t there a better way to hinder ignorance, and in my case, hinder the lower ratings for my company? Isn’t there a more alternative way to change clients and souls through…recreation? Well I think yes, and that is what my project aims to achieve! Ladies and gentlemen, I’m expanding on my company and making…a conjoint hotel to encourage self-expression and I.M.P. appreciation!”

Blitzo spread out his arms at the table. He then muttered nervously at the confused faces. “You know…cause when demons learn to appreciate us more and be somewhat nicer…we won’t have to worry about those blasted Cherubs or the angels coming after us…”

“Angels?” laughed an imp as he watched Blitzo on TV. “Is that imp for real? Oh he’s nuts!”

Blitzo went on…”and those who come and cheer for me at my musicals will receive a 15% discount the next time they need my gang to kill people! Yay!”

“Stupid clown,” mocked an imp before Millie punched the cameraman right in the face, sending him off the stool.

Blitzo looked around in concern. “Look, I know that each and every one of you has something good inside you. I know you do.”

Then he smirked, getting an idea. “Maybe I’m not getting through to you…”

He mentioned to his black haired imp sisters Tilla and Barbie Wire, who suddenly walked in view of the camera, wearing black and pink circus outfits.

Moxxie face-palmed with an “oh no.”

Blitzo began his song while standing on the table…

“I have a dream, I’m here to tell

About a wonderful new I.M.P. hotel

Yes it’s one of a kind

Right here in Hell

Catering to bloodthirsty clientele”

Blitzo’s sisters provided harmonizing vocals.

“When you want somebody gone

And you don’t wanna wait too long

Call the Immediate Murder Professionals

Your vengeance gone wrong?

Are you looking for a song?

At my new hotel, we won’t do you wrong

I.M.P. just wait and see

Embrace you inner demons and live free

But we expect, to treat us with respect

Or we’ll have to break your neck

Yes it’s hard to learn to be good

But to escape stressful lives, you know you would

Give us some green and don’t be mean

This’ll be greatest show you’ve ever seeeeeen!

Don’t feel blue

We provide service to you

There’s no room for inner strife

When we could have a better life

There will be no more loss

And there will be no more schemes

Just horsey-horse nuzzles and iced coffee dreams

And traveling a better way

You’ll be like “Yay!”

Once you check in with meeee

We do or job so well

Cause we come straight up from Hell

We make your troubles go away

And you can find a place to stay

Via the Immediate Murder Professionals

Kids die for Freeeee!”

Blitzo and his sisters ended with poses on the table.

One demon with one eye said “Wow! That was shit!”

Everyone except Blitzo, Tilla, Barbie Wire, Moxxie, Loona, Millie, and Stolas burst into laughter. Blitzo buried his face in his hands on the table, while Millie fired her gun at the crew. Moxxie booed at Blitzo.

Helsa Von Eldrich sneered at the imp, her brother next to her.

“What in the Nine Circles of Hell makes you think people would give two shits about becoming a better person? You have no proof that this experiment even works. You want people to be good and pay attention to your measly company just…because?”

“Well,” Blitzo argued, “I have an employee already who’s dedicated to my cause.”

“And who might that be?”

“Oh just someone named…Millie. Oh and we also have a new guest coming as well…Mimzy!”

Seviathan glanced over and asked, “The flapper girl?” He had previously dated Charlie but would occasionally mess and flirt with sinner girls to mess with them. Mimzy’s fame had appealed to him.

“You fucking would, Sevia!” Helsa bared her teeth. “Anyway, I bet that girl wouldn’t bat an eye to your company unless you had a million souls.”

“Admit it, Blitzo,” added Sevia. “You and your gang of imps are dead to us and to Hell. How does it feel being a total failure?”

The sibling snobs cackled at a hurt Blitzo.

“Yeah, well how does it feel that your ex loves a sinner over you, huh? Bastard bitch?!”

Sevia and Blitzo managed to yell and land a few punches before they were forcefully separated via Stolas’ bird guards. The meeting ended abruptly on the spot. Blitzo and his companions felt dejected on their way back to the office. Stolas had generously given Blitzo some money to add another connecting hotel building with rows of rooms, a stage and a bar.

The three imps arrived at their building and after filling out some paperwork, they met in a lobby of the separate building. There were pictures along the walls of the I.M.P. members. Blitzo posing with his sisters after performing at a circus. Blitzo holding a puppy Loona lovingly. Moxxie and Millie in wedding attire, the couple gazing lovingly at each other. Millie and Moxxie sitting with a large Apple mascot for Loo Loo Land, Moxxie crying in fear and discomfort.

Millie walked over to the fridge and pulled out a box of popsicles. She happily sucked and ate a black raspberry one.

“You know you might as well get more food for this place,” Millie mentioned to Blitzo. “To feed all the wayward souls in this place.” She giggled and added, “I can help organize the car wash while you search the fridge for spoiled butter!”

Blitzo just sat dejectedly on a wooden crate of booze. Millie considered comforting him, but Moxxie gave her a look and shook his head. Millie sighed and followed her husband to let Blitzo be alone. Blitzo stepped outside and called a familiar person on his hell phone. The label read “Stolas, a.k.a. One Night Stand Bird Dick.”

“Hey Stolas, it’s me.”

“Hello Blitzy, how may I entertain you tonight?”

“No you really don’t have to.”

“Perhaps a show that can make up for today’s broadcast?”

“Yeah about that, I…don’t think I’m making a difference. I mean, I’m lucky to be alive after the Extermination but, everyone thought my plan was stupid.”

“Perhaps unusual,” Stolas mentioned. “Redeeming and trying to change demons is like trying to freeze Hell’s fires. It’s just not possible.”

“Not that I want to do it completely…but if things keep going wrong, I’ll lose my company and maybe even my families’ lives from those in Heaven.”

Stolas squawked with laughter. “Don’t tell me you’re scared of those flying cherubs and sheep?”

“Fuck that! Those dancing revivers are annoying pieces of shit trying to interfere with my hard work.”

“How about this way, C.H.E.R.U.B. or whatever those things are, revive humans so you have more humans to kill later on!”

“But having to kill the same people again and again? How boring is that! I.M.P. needs more variety, less repetition. Thumbtack, my horse, agrees.”

“Didn’t you tell me about how you killed that bratty kid twice?”

“It was Moxxie and then me but that’s not the point. If this company goes out of business, then I’ll never get the chance to live my musical theater dreams.”

“Don’t be sad, Blitzy,” said Stolas. “You have your associates and you also have me. I’ll make sure no one messes around with you.”

“I think my dad was…right about me…”

“You’re no failure Blitzy. He can hardly call himself a father to you. And if he ever tries to make you lonely and bring you down because of your goals…”

Stolas then ranted on with a series of curses and a lot of cringe-worthy sentences. Blitzo laughed nervously.

“If this is your way of trying to get into bed then I ain’t having it.”

“No, not this time.”

“Okay then. Thanks for the advice.”

“Anytime.”

“Good bye.”

Blitzo hung up by tapping on the phone screen. He wiped tears from his eyes as he headed back inside. He leaned against the door, eyes closed, frustrated and fatigued.

Just then, he heard a knock on the door. One loud knock that made it sound like someone had decided to punch the door. A smile grew on Blitzo’s face as he opened the door.

There stood Loona in her usual gray tank top with a black downward pentagram design below her neck. Her pants with a moon on it wore torn and she wore no shoes. Her eyes flared red, her red tongue just visible among her sharp teeth.

Blitzo beamed. “Loo…”

Loona slammed the door hard. Blitzo opened it.

“…ny!”

Loona slammed it again.

Blitzo eagerly turned to Moxxie. “Hey Moxxie!”

“What?!” asked the agitated imp.

“Loony is at the door!”

“What?!” Moxxie asked. “Oh?” asked Millie.

Blitzo was cheered up. “What should I do?”

“Don’t let her in!” Moxxie spat.

Blitzo waltzed right to the door and opened it.

“May I rant now?” asked the hellhound.

“You may,” Blitzo responded.

Loona stomped inside. “The nerve of you guys to just leave me behind like that. I mean, did you want me to sit through another segment of royalty bitching about their outfits. When my punk clothing is superior anyway. Man Blitzo, I haven’t seen anything so embarrassing since you decided to give me spiders and sleep with that privileged asshole. Heh, you were kinda pathetic.”

She had her sharp black claws out, and her breath smelled of alcohol.

Moxxie pointed a gun at her. “Stop right there! I know that look and I’m not gonna let you hurt anyone else here, you lunatic emo meth addicted bitch!”

Loona just lowered the gun with her fingers. “If I wanted to hurt anyone here, I would’ve done so already.”

She growled and bared her fangs. “Ya know, I came because…I was thinking of helping.”

Blitzo looked confused. “Say what?”

“I wanna help you run this place. Why not, nothing else to do.” She scoffed. “Though Blitzo, your plans are ridiculous as always.”

“Why do you still have her around?” Moxxie shook his head. “She hardly answers the bone phone and has skipped work too many times to count!”

“Don’t talk about her like that, she’s fine. Sometimes she has what some people would call…ruff days.”

Loona flipped the bird before searching the fridge. “Any avocado salads here?”

“No. I already ate mine early thanks to you eating mine last time.”

“Nobody claimed it and besides, people like you don’t need lunch.”

“Hey!”

“Alright,” said Blitzo. “I’ll be happy to have you help. Just…don’t fly off the handle or get into any trouble.”

“Fair enough, whatever.”

The hellhound looked around. “Any hotel visitors around here?”

Millie mentioned to a chubby short blonde haired woman reading a magazine and humming a tune. “Just Mimzy.”

“You’re never fully dressed without a smile,” she sang.

“Meh. Not enough. Hey Millie, any extra things you can do?”

Millie grinned. I can snuggle you and give you kisses.”

“Ha! No.”

“Your loss.”

Loona sighed. “Hang on, I’ll be right back. I can sniff you a few people who might be helpful.

About fifteen minutes later, she came holding a squirming blue anglerfish demon in her paw. He was wearing a gray lab coat, yellow goggles and a hanging light from his small top hat.

“This little amphibian is Baxter,” Lonna said, dropping him.

“I-I’m Baxter,” the fish stammered. “That mutt over there just tracked me down, right when I was about to gather my ingredients for my next p-project. It’s a top secret formula that I m-must complete.” He raced around to grab more beakers, vials and a burner nearby. “It’s been a w-while since I’ve seen new people. And I don’t want to see any more. No, no, no, stay back! Back off I say!” He pointed a white shrink ray at anyone who came too close. “If you’ll e-excuse me, I must get back to work!”

Several moments later, not too far from headquarters, a white and red hellhound was strolling along listening to rock music on 90s headphones. “Why am I even here?” she thought. “I can’t believe that I’m stuck in this vast scary place.” Music and a tough front hid the insecurity underneath. She received a tap on the shoulder.

“The hell? The fuck is this?” She turned around and spotted Loona. “You!” she broke into a large toothed grin. She wore black leather, metal rings on her pointed ears and a spiked collar. Her shirt was pink red with a white skull on it. Porn magazines lined her pockets.

“Crymini,” Loona greeted, hiding a small smile.

“So glad to see you again, Loona,” Crymini replied. “Anything on your mind? What shall we do? Go for a drink? Vandalize a building after a smoke? Or we could chew on some bones of demons…they’re my favorite snack!”

“I wish,” Loona rolled her eyes at the more hyper hound. “I feel somewhat obligated to help Blitzo and company recruit more people to help promote I.M.P.”

“I think I saw commercials of it,” Crymini mentioned. “That imp killing company?”

Loona nodded.

“Wait…you work there too?”

“Pretty much. A receptionist. Filled to the brim with paperwork, calling clients and annoying fellow employees.”

“Your condition still there?” Crymini asked.

“Syphilis can go fuck itself.”

“I wish it would for your sake and mine as well.”

“One wouldn’t say being in a rock band is much easier, but it’s still pretty fun.”

“I’ve seen you play guitar and sing. Pretty good I must say.”

“Thanks! I’ll be performing at a concert later this week. Will you be there?”

“Sure,” she replied with a shrug.

“Let’s go to your headquarters then!”

Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, Loona, Stolas, Mimzy, Baxter and Crymini were soon together at the building.

“Anyone want some booze and fresh meat?” Loona asked.

Everyone nodded in agreement.

Not too far away, concealed in bushes, a figure was watching them with orange eyes. Roo, the kangaroo Australian demon. She had white skin, wild aburn hair and wore orange. A large wide brimmed dark hat concealed her face in shadow. A parasitic creature slithered from her mouth, its body covered with white spikes and eyes.

She bared her sharp teeth, blood and liquid dropping from her mouth. One thought emitted from her head, the parasite in sync with her thoughts.

“Feast.”

#hazbinhotel #helluva boss #moxxie #millie #blitzo #loona #stolas #hazbinboss #helluvahotel

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magaprima · 5 years ago

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Part 2 Episode 3 Thoughts (1 of 4)

Okay, despite the fact I absolutely abhor the lyrics of the song used for Lilith’s first scene in the Lupercalia episode, I can’t deny I enjoy the use of irony, but also that it’s an irritatingly catchy tune. Also, can we just agree that many of us are Lilith on Valentine’s Day? Like even when I’m in a relationship I cannot stand Valentine’s and all the love hearts and ridiculously tacky love bears everywhere. I’ve never had a date on Valentine’s because even with long term partners I’m like ‘No. We are not joining that sickening madness’. So, yes, I feel Lilith’s vibe here.

But also, the previous episode was Lilith being ‘put in her place’ by someone who she fell in love with, someone who was meant to love her two, who were meant to be ruling hell side by side, but instead she’s been dismissed and ordered to remain posing as a mortal in a mortal high school, so all this ‘embrace your loved one. Show them you care’ is really, really bad timing for her. She’s already in a bad moon in general, and the romantic, mortal cheese surrounding her is just making it worse. No wonder she tore the heart down. And what are the odds it was Mrs Meeks who decorated Lilith’s office with those cherubs and love hearts? Well meaning but totally off the mark.

“Oh what fools these mortals be”

I love this quote. I also use it a lot myself, because for one, I’m an actor and Shakespeare geek, but also it just fits perfectly whenever you see humanity doing something extra stupid. But I do like that Lilith is quoting mortal literature. Like has she always been a fan of Shakespeare, did she go to his shows originally, or is it just because, working at Baxter High, and living in that cottage, she’s had a lot of time to read Mary’s books?

“It’s terrible, Stolas, this indignity I must endure, after losing my wager to our Dark Lord. Even though Sabrina no longer attends Baxter High, he wishes I maintain this humiliating pretense that I’m some unattractive, unhappy, spinster schoolmarm. I mean, please, look at me”

I think this is very revealing not just of how Lucifer views beauty and the importance of it, and how he views the value of women, but that Lilith is also very aware of how he views it. Look how she describes her current appearance and role when spoken about in context of his instruction. By the way she adds ‘I mean, please, look at me’ as if the whole thing is a ridiculous, unbelievable concept (which it is), you could even reason that she is quoting Satan when she says ‘unattractive, unhappy, spinster, schoolmarm’ because quite frankly, I can hear him saying those words. Like ‘Remain at Baxter High. Play the part of the unattractive, unhappy, spinster, schoolmarm until I say otherwise’ (and I’ve said in other posts, that as Lilith’s change of appearance is more permanent, that I believe Lucifer deliberately chose her to pick out Mary, so as to push Lilith aside, make her look like the Satanic Fairygodmother rather than the young Queen. In his mind, stealing her greatest power; her looks and sexuality. He is of course totally wrong, not to mention Mary was attractive anyway, but you can see that he would think that way).

But you feel Lilith’s whole resentment here, and we see how trapped she feels, how she has no choice but to remain. We’re seeing more and more now how much of Lilith’s actions are not her own, but orders she follows. And her orders now are to play the unattractive schoolmarm. I don’t think it’s coincidence that in this scene she is wearing one of the most dull colour dresses. She usually wears things that stand out, but this is not the best cut and is a drab brown. She’s fulfilling the role Satan has ordered to as best she can.

And then there’s Stolas, Lucifer’s spy, offering mass murder as a way to placate her. Satan obviously knows Lilith is feeling restless, that time away from him, and time amongst the Spellmans and mortals and Greendale is making her question things, defy him (after all, she dares to literally summon him and challenge him for the first time in the previous episode) and there Stolas is to offer distractions and other things to do. Not to mention if she did poison the punch bowl and all those mortals died, then she loses all those very same mortals that have perhaps been influencing her to start feeling defiant against Lucifer...so he kills two birds with one stone. Lilith is distracted and she’d lose her connections in the mortal realm.

“You’re quite right, Stolas. Though the Dark Lord forbids we harm a white hair on Sabrina’s head, he’s never said bull about her ex-classmates”

See, it’s all about pushing her in a particular direction. Stolas is giving her only this as an option, whispering in her ear, just as she whispers in Sabrina’s.

“Of course, killing them won’t solve my problems, but....it might help me forget them”

In the finale, Lucifer says that ‘you know what I’m like when I’m bored’ and Lilith looks terrified, suggesting very violent, cruel things happen, mostly to her, when he’s bored, and here we see that learned behaviour being copied. Lilith is bored, she’s stressed with her problems, she’s irritated, so she turns to violent, cruel things as a distraction. The millennia old abuse cycle being continued.

#episode stuff

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magaprima · 5 years ago

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A Midwinter’s Tale Episode Thoughts

Lilith’s first scene is her actually praying, in full on Christian parallel, though of course she’s praying to Satan. I find it interesting and very revealing that someone so close to Lucifer, his foot soldier, his concubine, someone who has been at his right hand side since the beginning, has to go through regular old prayer to reach out to him. Now, we know from a later episode, that because Lucifer was not born a God, he’s not omniscient or omnipotent, so he can’t be just listening into the prayer by chance, so despite it looking like a regular prayer, I suspect it’s actually a form of spell, and the clasped hands are a nice visual for Lilith’s devotion (and desperation), but it is distancing. It shows us that even though she does everything for him, she is at the back of the queue so-to-speak, just like everyone else. She doesn’t get the special treatment and attention she has rightfully earned.

“Answer me, I did what you asked, Sabrina signed her name in your Book of the Beast. Why have you forsaken me? Why have you not called me home to the Pit?”

This is all very revealing of what Lilith’s true relationship is, that she is more servant than foot soldier, that she has become what she initially refused to be for the False God. She has become, to use an ASOIAF term, a Kneeler (which as a choice of phrase, has it’s own related connotations). Also the pronoun useage and phrasing here shows how much she isn’t simply working with Satan, she is being ordered by him, it’s here that we see how little of what she did in Part 1 was not her own choice (we know she really doesn’t care about Sabrina signing a Book, or having an apocalypse etc) and is not even under instuction or guidance, but under order.

You know ‘I did what you asked’ is very abuse victim reasoning. Look I did this thing you asked me to do, and now you approve of me, right? And now I won’t be punished and maybe you’ll like me and I won’t have to be punished again and everything will be better. A lot of victim of domestic abuse constantly reason that if they do this one thing, fulfil this one request, then things will go back to how they were in the beginning and the abuser will stop being so cruel and treat them like an equal again, lovingly (and, in Lilith’s case, give her a crown).

This whole sentence is all about possessives and shows how much Lucifer owns. I did what you asked. Signed her name in your Book of the Beast. Why have you not called me home. All possessive and ownership. Even returning home has to be at his instruction, not her own free will.

“Has my mission changed? Say the word. Give my life meaning. Give me a sign”

God this sentence makes me thing, the whole ‘Give my life meaning’ is just vomit-inducing, the idea that Lilith’s life has no meaning beyond what the Dark Lord allows her. But that is exactly what her life has been since he changed and become the ‘twisted thing of darkness’. She has no existence beyond him, he is everything to her, because he has ensured that he is all she has. We can presume the whole killing Adam and making her eat him is not the first time that sort of thing has happened in order to stop her making emotional connections outside of Lucifer.

After she says ‘give me a sign’ Sabrina walks in and we presume, from the way she smiles at the girl and says her name, that Lilith thinks this 'sign’ of Sabrina entering is from the Dark Lord and that she’s needed to do some more Sabrina-related shit, but it could be theorised, from an audience standpoint, that actually the sign is Sabrina herself, trying to tell Lilith there are other people out there to attach herself to, that there are other viewpoints and attitudes and experiences out in the world other than the singular one she has known. But, Lilith seems, currently, oblivious to that concept and seems instead to be genuinely pleased that, apparently, the Dark Lord has another task for her, that her ‘life has meaning’, so when she smiles at Sabrina it’s genuine and eager.

“Remember when I went to Limbo?” “Vividly”

Lilith’s expression here is all prepared, it’s her whole act of the tired yet affectionate mentor who remembers the insanity her student drags her on, but when Sabrina adds she saw her Mother there, Lilith’s whole face falls like ‘well that’s brand new information I didn’t want to hear’, she just has a full wide-eyed oh shit expression, but thankfully, Sabrina is too busy personal monologuing to notice, because Lilith looks nervous as hell a she continues to effect being all ‘really? how interesting and shocking. hmmm’ And then Sabrina makes it even worse by adding she wants to do a seance to reach her. Lilith’s breathing is shallow and mildly panicked, like she thought she was done with all this, but Sabrina just throws more issues. Lilith is trying to think as quickly as possible here.

“And there’s no way I’m going to dissuade you, is there?”

I think this question is totally genuine, like there’s not a hope in heaven I’m going to stop you doing this and make my life easier? She knows Sabrina at this point and she knows that means she’ll go through with it.

“And if I deny you, you’ll just ask your chums at the Academy for a Book of the Dead, won’t you?”

Yeah, Lilith knows Sabrina extremely well.

“Well then, who am I to keep a daughter from her mother?”

Translation: well, what other choice do I have but to let you fucking do it and just try and sabotage it instead.

“But, Sabrina, be careful. Mind nothing unspeakable breaks through with your Mumsy”

She’s already sewing the seeds of the idea that things can wrong, that bad things can get in, so that when Lilith does sabotage it, Sabrina won’t be suspicious, she’ll think it’s just a downside of the seance. Also...’mumsy’??

“Thanks for the book, Ms Wardwell. You’re the best”

Another genuine thanks from Sabrina and Lilith dismisses it and can’t look at her directly as she does so. She’s playing a part, it’s true, but after the exorcism incident I think genuine thanks make Lilith so uncomfortable, because no one else has given them, that she can’t look at Sabrina when they happen, because it’s too unsettling for one, but it makes lying to her more complicated.

“Oh Stolas, a demoness’ work is never done, is it?”

No doubt she now thinks this is why the Dark Lord hasn’t called her home yet. She’s now able to reason that she hasn’t been forgotten or dismissed, but that she has more important work to do. Also, the fact she has stuffed Stolas and still speaks to him is her yet again, holding onto connections that have long since died (metaphorically in the case of the Dark Lord, literally in the case of Stolas). We get the vibe in Part 1 that Stolas (who might be more demon than familiar, if we consider his name origins) perhaps often belittles Lilith, reminding her that the Dark Lord doesn’t think her worthy etc, it might even be possible he was a spy before he was resurrected, we don’t know, but either way, she was driven to snap his neck in a fit of rage...and yet still she keeps him. Stuffs him and still speaks to him. This shows she’s someone who doesn’t shake connections off easily, but also that she is lonely, that she has no true companion of any variety, no one to talk to, and that is a very, very lonely existence.

“Who knows what disturbing things Mommy Dearest might say to her daughter fair?”

What things is Lilith thinking of? That Diana would reveal who Lilith really is? Or is it something darker? Perhaps the circumstances behind her death? Something even Lilith hasn’t thought of herself?

“And after we’ve just got her to sign on the dotted line”

Lilith shows real panic after saying this, hand to mouth, eyes wide. Lilith really, genuinely fears the idea that Sabrina will suddenly retract her signature, or something else will go wrong due to Diana, because if anything does change and/or go wrong, Lilith is the one who will be blamed and the Dark Lord would be angry and unmerciful. So Lilith determinedly sets into action; ‘No, best to interrupt the proceedings, I think’ she declares, and we can already see her mind whirring with ideas. She’s a quick plotter.

And then we come to the Gingerbread House and it’s inhabitants. Unless Lilith’s magical prowess involves being able to summon gingerbread creations out of thin air, for the purpose of this yuletide spell, Lilith freaking baked a bunch of gingerbread in Mary Wardwell’s kitchen, and then put it together and decorated it. Like, that is a hysterical image, so I don’t care if there’s a less crazy alternative theory, this is the one I accept; that Lilith spent hours baking sweet treats and decorating them. A process in which she decided Hilda should have green hair.

“Warden of the longest night, fey things fear the Yule fire’s light. But Yule flame dead and portals laid bare, now darkness comes to trick and to tear”

This spell is oddly haunting and festive, like it’s an enjoyable spell. But I also always enjoy when Lilith uses her witchy side rather than her demonic side, because that’s who she is originally, and her spells are always more old-school reflecting how long she’s been a witch, and I just enjoy it. Although, when my Mum and I first watched this episode on Winter Solstice, my Mum went ‘Oh well that’s not fair. You light a Yule Log, it stays lit. Putting it out with brandy down a gingerbread chimney isn’t fair’ so she was very annoyed by the invasive nature of that spell, haha.

The final Lilith scene where she eats the gingerbread I think proves that she baked it all and the reason why; to eat it. Also, I love that Lilith is a Dunker. Pops that Sabrina gingebread girl right in her tea.

#episode stuff

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