#Stanley deserved a better life and parents

[withwritersblock]

The Fall of Home

~The Fall of Home by Los Campesinos!~

Author's Note: idk honestly it's mostly word vomit ngl Italics are flashbacks Summary: Nate wins the cup and needs his childhood best friend to celebrate with him Warnings: Swearing, implied smut, shouting Word Count: 3,990 Nathan Mackinnon x fm!reader

She sat on the couch watching the dying minutes of the Stanley Cup finals. She watched Nate push Gabe towards the bench, her heart beating hard against her chest. It was t0o close. Not enough to feel as though they had done it. The Avalanche jersey covering her frame had Mackinnon on the back. It was Nate’s old jersey from his first few years in the league before the Avs switched to their new ones. 

Her childhood best friend had done it as the last ten seconds of the game the puck was in the Avs offensive zone.

It was like watching in slow motion as she watched the bench itch with anticipation as the clock winded down from five seconds. The buzzer goes off and the entire team throws their gear everywhere as they cheer and scatter on the ice. Her hands cover her mouth as her eyes well up in tears.

It had been his dream since the second Nate realized what hockey was. She watched him pretend to lift the cup on the lake behind his house countless times. Now in mere minutes she would get to see it done in real life. Except it is on her TV. 

Her fiance smiled widely as he hugged her side. “The cups coming back to Scotia!” Daniel mumbled as he kissed the side of her cheek. She smiled politely as she stared at the screen seeing Nate on the screen.

Daniel didn’t know that Nate and herself grew up next door to each other or that he was her first kiss. Or the first person he called after he got drafted first overall. Or the fact that they act like they're in a relationship every time they see each other again. Cuddling, kissing, dinner with each other’s parents.

And sex. A lot of it.

Except Nate hasn’t been home in two years. His family has gone and visited him in Colorado instead. She visited him once in Denver and stayed with him, in the same bed. Except nothing happened between them because of Daniel. Daniel entered her life during a difficult time. It was two months before COVID really went rampant. They went COVID crazy and moved in together right when the lockdown happened. His idea.

Nate stayed in Colorado, despite many of his teammates using the time to visit and stay with their families. But she had Daniel. She didn’t need Nate.

Except she still missed him as the months progressed and the further they had time apart it was as if the feelings she had for him were getting less and less suppressed. But he had a new life, new people, new and better successes. Hell. He just won the Stanley Cup. 

She even had a new life. Sure, it was still in the same community she grew up in but she had Daniel and a life that she’s supposed to be happy about.

“Are you crying?” Daniel questioned, a small furrow in his eyebrows. She shifted her gaze towards him for a brief second as she blinked rapidly. She looked back towards the screen to see Nate get handed the cup.

“Cole Harbour, you got another cup!” the announcer shouted as Nate shook the cup in the air with a wide smile on his features. She hasn’t seen him smile so wide since he was drafted.

“It’s just-look at ‘em,” she was referring to Nate.

“Yeah, they’d deserved it from the beginning,” Daniel said as he stood up from the couch to get another beer. 

She watched as Nate handed it off to Jack Johnson, a player who’s waited over a thousand games to achieve this. She tilted her head back as she wiped the tear that fell onto her cheek.

~~~

It had been several hours later and multiple Instagram story reels that have kept her up as she watched the team celebrate. She remained on the couch, a glass of wine in her hand. Her phone screen lit up with a call coming from Nate. She furrowed her eyebrows harshly as his contact photo popped on the screen. It was a picture of them back in his Halifax days. He was kissing her cheek, sweaty and still in his jersey.

Pulling the phone to her ear, it was loud on his end of the phone. “Y/N!” Nate shouted, “I need you in Denv-ver, when I get there tomorrow!” he shouted. He sounded blacked out. She smiled to herself, happy to hear his voice. His voice was practically gone but it was still amazing to hear. “I need to see you, we’ve got to-to celebrate,” he slurred. 

“Ask me again tomorrow,” she said laughing, “Enjoy your night Nathan,” she said, getting ready to hang up.

“Wait! Wait,” he chuckled, “I’m sorry you couldn’t come to Tampa, I wanted you here so bad,” he explained, the words taking forever to leave his lips. “Bu-but you’ve got a fi-fiance,”

Her features scrunched together as his voice was rasped as he was fighting hard to get the words out. “What does Daniel have to do with-”

“Because-” he hiccuped, “Because he has you and I don’t,” he let out. Her eyes widened as the words left his lips. Her stomach began to do flips as the words played in her mind on repeat.

“Because he has you and I don’t,”

“Because he has you and I don’t,”

“Because he has you and I don’t,”

“Oh dude, come on! Give me the phone, Nate! Give it to me. We said no drunk calling!” Erik’s voice rang out on Nate’s end of the phone. “Sorry, Y/N. He’ll call tomorrow when he’s sober!” Erik’s voice was closer to the phone as he spoke.

“Oh okay,” she mumbled as the phone call ended. Her hand began to shake as she pulled the phone from her ear. What the hell did he mean by that? 

It was hard to take anything he said seriously because he was drunk, he probably won’t even remember calling her. She brought her wine glass to her lips as she drank it all in one swig.

She lifted her gaze from her lap to the sound of loud footsteps coming from her hallway. “Baby, we’ve gotta get up early for that thing with your parents tomorrow. Remember? Come get some sleep,” Daniel said, his voice groggy from probably just waking up. 

She met his eye, praying for an ounce of butterflies or a feeling in her chest that told her he was the one. Or the spark that everyone talks about when you meet your soulmate. But nothing came out of it. She took a deep breath as she nodded, “Yeah, I’ll-” she cleared her throat, “I’ll be there in a minute.”

“So, things are pretty serious with him,” Nate mumbled as he messed with his fingernails, avoiding her gaze. She hummed as a reply as she avoided meeting his gaze. 

She was laying in his king sized bed in his apartment in Denver, contemplating on why she decided staying with him was better than a hotel. Because all she wanted to do right now was kiss him. It’s been three hundred and forty three days since she last kissed him and she missed the feeling of his lips on hers. 

“Why didn’t he come with you to visit me?” he asked, turning his gaze to her trying to read her features. She pulled her lips between her teeth as her eyes widened slightly. She took a sharp breath before looking towards him, her eyes landed on his bright blue eyes. His eyes were slightly swollen as he was recovering from a broken nose still from a few weeks back. 

“He doesn’t know that we’re friends,” the last word difficult to leave her lips, “He just thinks that I’m on a trip with friends to Denver to see a few games,” she explained. Nate fought off a smirk on his lips as he ran his tongue over his bottom lip.

“How’s your mom keeping that secret? If I remember correctly all our childhood photos together are all over the living room,” he said, raising his eyebrows. 

She chuckled as she inched towards him, slightly. “My brother decided to have four kids in the span of three years. So she replaced all of our photos with my niece and nephews.” 

Nate let out a huff of air as he shook his head, “I don’t envy him. Triplets, right?” he asked and she nodded.

“They’re adorable, but a handful,” she muttered.

She met his gaze as she took a deep breath. He smiled softly as he adjusted the pillow under his head. “Is he a Penguins fan or Avs fan?” Nate asked, referring to Daniel. It was common in their small community to be either a Pittsburgh Penguins fan for Sydney or a Colorado Avalanche fan for Nate. 

She scrunched her features together and Nate’s hand hit his chest like a fake dagger. “You couldn’t find an Avs fan to date?”

She rolled her eyes playfully as she laid onto her back, forcing her gaze to the ceiling. “You should get some sleep,” she muttered. 

Nate laid facing her still, admiring every detail about her. The way her hair laid across his pillow. The curve of her lips and the flutter of her eyelashes. “Y/N,” he let out barely above a whisper, his heart racing. She turned her head to meet his gaze. His eyes trail from her eyes to her lips. Needing to kiss her but he couldn’t. Nate was not one to make moves on someone else’s girlfriend. 

But this was Y/N. She was everything he’s ever wanted. Even down to the fake wedding they had when they were nine, it was the first time they kissed. They were nine, kisses at that age barely count but it was the first of many. 

She met his gaze, pursing her lips forward slightly as she watched his eyes flicker between her lips and her eyes. “He’s lucky to have you,” he let out finally. She smiled softly, “But I’ll beat the shit out of him if he hurts you,” 

“You would knock him out with one punch, he’s not very strong,” she muttered as he chuckled.

The next morning she was woken up by Daniel shoving her awake, “Wake up,” he mumbled as he began pacing in their bedroom. She rubbed her hand across her eyes as she was adjusting to the sudden touch to her body. “What the fuck is this?” he asked, shoving his phone into her face, she pulled her hand away as she stared towards the Facebook post that her mom shared early this morning. 

It was hard to read as his hands were shaking, “What-”

“What the fuck is this?” he asked again, dropping his phone onto her chest. She furrowed her eyebrows as she looked over the Facebook post. 

The caption said  From the lake behind our houses to the big stage! Our family couldn’t be more proud. Can’t wait to see the cup in your hands this time! #GoAvsGo #NateDogg

She cringed at the wording but her breath caught in her throat as she saw the collection of photos she added. Each photo shows Nate with her family. Majority of them with Nate and Y/N cuddling cozy and even one of them with him kissing her cheek. “Daniel, I can explain,” she said as she began to stand up from the bed.

“How fucking long were you going to keep this a secret?” he accused as she dropped his phone onto the mattress. Her mouth opened as she tried to find words to say. There was nothing to say. “I mean his contact photo in your phone is him kissing you!” 

“Wait, you went through my phone?” she countered as she looked at her phone in his hands. 

“No, he called you and I saw the picture. I mean, is the jersey you wore last night his? Like off of his fucking back?”

“I never wanted to lie or keep it from you. What was I supposed to say? Oh by the way, my best friend growing up is now this super famous athlete, I never see anymore.” she expressed. 

“He’s not your best friend, all these fucking pictures your mom posted is you two looking coupley. This one is from a year ago when you were in Denver, I mean what the actual fuck. Have you been cheating on me?” 

“What no! Will you stop shouting and sit down and have a conversation?” she countered. He shook his head while taking a deep breath. He reluctantly sat down beside her on the bed, refusing to meet her eye.

There was silence for a moment, “Nate and I grew up beside each other. We were born four months apart, our parents are best friends. He was my first friend. We had a weird relationship,” she hesitantly looked towards him, he was still fuming. “We were never in  a romantic relationship but,” she let out a huff of air, “Sometimes it felt like we were?” 

“I haven’t seen him since the last time I was in Denver, and nothing happened between us. He knows about you and Nate would never even try anything,” she explained. He shook his head.

“So what? You guys have had sex?” he questioned. Her mouth clamped open and shut and he groaned. “I can’t believe you’ve kept this from me!”

“He’s my past, Daniel, he doesn’t matter!”

“But he was a huge part of it! And clearly still is! He’s called you like four times!” he let out as he stood up from the bed. “And you know what, I don’t want to be with someone who keeps such a massive part of their life secret. I’ll move my stuff out by tomorrow,” he expressed, furious. He took a hold of his phone and stormed out of the bedroom.

“Daniel!?” she called out. She let out a huff of air before switching her gaze to her phone that was now lying on the floor.

“You look at those fucking photos and tell me how to feel!” Daniel shouted again. “I can’t compete!” he said before he left.

She tried to feel something for Daniel leaving. Her body was stiff as her mind was racing with thoughts of Nate. Instead of Daniel. She was wrong. He does matter. He always has and despite all of the time apart, he was still so important to her. 

~one week later~

She laid in the bed that she once shared with Daniel. He moved out the next day from the apartment after several more fights regarding Nate. He took the ring from her finger and threw it out of the window. Y/N knows she should’ve told Daniel about Nate. It was easier having him be a celebrity in her life than someone she loved. Someone she loved in more ways than one.

She’s spoken to Nate every day since they won. He would call twice. Once in the morning to recap the drunken things he would say well into the night. His drinking slowed down as the weeks progressed but he’s been celebrating every day since. Each night he would call and beg her to come see him in Denver. Every night she would consider it until she would realize he was too drunk to remember. She’d always leave it out the next day they’d talk.

She laid naked beside him as she traced her manicured finger along his chest. Tracing each line of his muscle, each outline. His hand fluttered his fingertips along her skin. He would trace his index finger from the base of her neck in a zig zag to her lower back.

“When do you go back to Denver?” she questioned barely above a whisper. He took a few seconds to reply as he continued the pattern on her back. 

“Tuesday,” he let out, shifting his gaze from the ceiling to her. She lifted her head to look down towards him. She leaned down and pressed her lips against his softly. He lifted his other hand from his side and rested it onto her cheek. “This might be the last time I’m back here for a while,” he let out as he stroked his thumb across her skin. 

She raised her eyebrows teasing as she pecked his lips, “Let’s make the most of it then,” she muttered between kisses. He smirked into the kiss.

It was sensual and slow, something they’ve perfected over the years as if they know exactly what the other person wanted. Nate pulled away from her lips, resting his forehead against hers. “I’ve missed you a lot,” he said as his hand on her cheek moved to the base of her neck. She opened her eyes to meet his gaze. Her cheeks heated up as she smiled.

“Me too,” she mumbled as he leaned towards her, kissing her.

She shook her head as her phone began to vibrate beside her, she lifted her phone up to see Nate was calling her. She took a deep breath as she put the phone to her ear. “Hi,” she mumbled.

“Come to Denver,” Nate said simply. His voice groggy as if he hasn’t spoken much yet. Pulling her head back against the pillow, she scrunched her features together.

“What?”

“I know you and Daniel broke up, I don’t know why you won’t tell me about it. But all I know is that I’ve been trying to see you because my dream has just happened and I want my best friend to be with me. The other half of this conversation can’t happen over the phone, so please come to Denver. Don’t make me wait till I bring the Cup home, please,” he let out as if he’s rehearsed it. 

She was stunned. Her eyes blinked slowly as she swallowed hard. “How’d you know about Daniel?” she asked, ignoring the rest for now.

“Y/N, our mother’s still live next to each other and they talk a lot. Come to Denver, I’ll book your flight. I just really need to see you,” 

“Okay,” she let out faster than how her mind could process anything.

“How fast can you get to the airport? I want to give you enough time to pack and get ready,”

~~~

She was walking through the airport in Denver trying to find Nate. It took about thirty minutes for her to find him sitting near the passenger pick up doors. He lifted his head, as if he could sense she was close to him. 

She stopped as she saw him stand slowly from his seat, shoving his phone into his pocket. He was glowing. It’s been over a year since she last saw him in person but her entire skin began tingly when she saw him as every moment between them played in her mind like a flipbook. 

Every kiss. Every intimate moment. Every conversation. Hockey games she wore his jersey to. Her graduation from university he flew from Denver to see. Their very first kiss at nine years old, their fake wedding. 

She walked towards him and he began walking towards her. Once they met, she let go of her suitcase and her carry-on bag and jumped into his arms as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist as he squeezed her tightly against his chest. He took a sharp breath, breathing in her floral perfume. Her hand rested on the base of his neck, running her fingers through the small pieces of his hair.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he muttered into her ear before she slowly pulled away from him, his hands remaining on her hips.

“I just spent way too many hours on two airplanes, don’t lie to me,” she muttered as she met his eyes. They were brighter as well as his smile. He was happier than he’s ever been. 

“Still beautiful,” he mumbled as he pulled her against his chest again. 

~~~

It had been a few hours since she got to Nate’s apartment. She had showered and got rid of the airport smell from her body and they were now sitting on his couch watching an action movie he had picked out. They were quiet but there was a looming tension between them. 

“What happened with Daniel?” Nate asked, keeping his gaze on the screen, trying to avoid looking towards her. She dropped her gaze to her lap, the conversation they’ve been avoiding.

“The day after you guys won the cup, my mom had posted something on Facebook,” she said as she let out a huff of air.

“I saw, it was nice,” he mumbled, Y/N fought off a smile.

“He felt blindsided because he didn’t know that we knew each other. Or knew each other that well and you had called a few times before I woke up and he saw my contact photo for you,” she paused again.

“He claimed I was cheating on him with you and he thought when I visited you in Denver that I cheated on him with you. He then threw my engagement ring out of the window and stormed out. Stayed with my mom that night so he could get his stuff out of my apartment,” 

“What the fuck? He threw your ring out of the window? That’s a dickhead move,” he said while shaking his head.

“I mean, not telling him about us was a dickhead move too, Nate,” 

“I don’t understand why you didn’t tell him,” Nate muttered, shifting his gaze to her. She tilted her head to the side as her lips fell into a pout as her eyes lowered to his lips before she met his gaze again.

“What did you mean when you said ‘he has you and I don’t’?” she asked him. His eyes widened as he pressed his lips together.

“You remembered that?” he asked. She nodded. “I’ve always thought one day we’d end up together, married with like four kids or something. I always thought one day I could convince you to move to Denver with me. Or after I retired we’d start a life together. But you started dating Daniel. I realized I waited too long. And I was going to go back to Halifax during those first months of COVID. But you were with Daniel, I couldn’t be around you and him. So I stayed in Denver.”

“And then he proposed and I lost my chance. I lost my chance because I wasn’t going to make a move on you when you were with him. So, I thought that if we stayed apart, I stopped visiting home, these feelings would just go away. It’s worse, Y/N.” he muttered as he scooted closer to her, forcing their faces to be near inches apart.

“I think sappy romantic stuff is bullshit. But Y/N, you’re my soulmate. I’m in love with you, have been in love with you long before I even knew what love meant,” he rested his hand on her cheek, “At fucking nine years old, I knew who I wanted to marry and seventeen years later I still know who I want to marry. It’s always been you.”

She delicately rested her hand on his chest as she smiled, “I can’t believe you did that math so fast,” she teased. He rolled his eyes playfully.

“Shut up,” he muttered before he pressed his lips against hers urgently. She returned the kiss quickly as she climbed onto his lap, straddling him as her hands were holding his cheeks.

“I was scared,” she muttered as she pulled away, “I was scared that you’d become this famous athlete and forget about me. So I pulled away,” she mumbled before pecking his lips. “I’m in love with you too.”

He smiled as he kissed her again. “Best fucking year,” he let out.

[mycartoonmonster]

Like Ive stated before in this post; Bill shares one or two things with the zodiac members but if we're talking about the Pines;

Bill is detached from reality, prioritizes his fun and desires over other people's as well as rejecting that life doesn't always goes his way not unlike how Mabel would be without her family and friends and past relationship since she can accept she's wrong and decides to self improve whereas Bill doesn't, he wants things to be his way and refuses to improve

Bill's confidence in his smarts, attention to detail and knowledge does make him pridefull and arrogant with no one to call him out for it, he can be over-zealous and constantly demands to be taken seriously due to how he was treated back home but he's self centered and ruthless on the pursuit of his goals and he's not above breaking the law to have fun but to negative uncontrolling extremes like Dipper would be without his family.

Bill's mutation made him a social pariah which started his delusion that he was special hence he's arrogant and feels entitled to respect to lessen or soften the hurt he was feeling and cant let go of stuff easily, doesn't wanna admit the shame he has and refuses to admit hes wrong not unlike Ford but he didn't have any family nor genuine friends that pulled him back to reality and make him realize the error of his ways (As much of a jerk he was to McGucket, Ford let him go when he saw Fidds was hurt by his actions and didn't pursue him and he doesn't ask for forgiveness cause he feels he's not deserving of it)

Both scam and lie to people for their own benefit as a result of a mistake they did that forbides them from going back home but Stanley did it for survival (and thanks to the website we now know what stuff he had to go through) and his family whereas Bill can get by and he doesn't have a family that cares about him anymore so essentially he lost his impulse control/moral compass with the death of his family not to mention they both harmed Ford the most but Stan does know this whereas Bill refuses to accept the guilt and downplays everything he ever did to Ford and still seeks to be with him cause he sees him as his other half (in a more romantic context than a brotherly one) but Stan, although saddened by the fact Ford initially wants him out of his life, respects Ford's wishes cause it's thanks to his family that Stanley is selfless, willing to sacrifice his happiness and memories and why he got the happy ending Bill wanted.

And also he projects onto other members of the zodiac who deep down are miserable like him like Gideon and Pacifica;

Gideon was originally an outcast, just like Bill, who gained power at a very young age which speeded his growth into villany and ended up creating a rivalry with the Pines and both deeply crave connections and affection but dont know how to do it in a healthy way and damage those around them and think its the sibling of the twin they're pursuing who interposed in their relationship when in reality it was their own actions that did and both not only try to paint Stanley in a bad light but they essentially have the same plan in both seasons finale of taking over certain place and its up to the Pines to stop them and they get outdone by Stanley which makes them hate his guts for meddling with their plan for absolute power and both end up in jail where they do art therapy after failing to talk their way out of sentence.

The thing that differentiates them both is that when confronted for their actions and explained why what they want is impossible, only Gideon realizes the error of his ways and tries to do the right thing even if it ends up bad for him which is something Bill would never do.

Pacifica and Bill were nice kids before the abuse they went through by their parents (Bill's was accidental/didn't mean to but their actions hurt him and it peeved the way to his descent into villany) turned them into mean individuals who seek to hurt others to feel better about themselves and their miserable lives and both act like they dont care what others think of them but they secretly do (Bill is a monster but deep down craves connections and was hurt over his and Ford's breakup), can't admit they need help cause that would break the mask they're presenting to people which would reveal they are nothing but a weakling seeking help and the riches they have access to dont make their lifes better and they see themselves as monsters covered in blood for their sins (Euclydian's blood in Bill's case and human blood in Pacifica's case) but Bill already accepted that (cause there's no undoing what he did) but refuses to admit it whereas Pacifica suffers cause she's genuinely trying to change for the better but thankfully she's not alone in doing so (she's got the Lumberjack's spirit and she's working at Greasy's dinner and Lady Susan is a much better influence for her than Priscilla and Preston ever were); the same cant be said about Bill, I'm afraid.

And on a minor scale, Robbie and Bill are heavily inmature for relationships with both of them being jelaous of the partner's friends which did eventually lead to their demise in one way or another and it was their own actions that led to the break up which they did not take well and did message their ex in attempts to get their attention but nothing but at the very least Robbie is aware enough he cant force Wendy back into the relationship and was able to move on and find someone else whereas Bill became abusive and aggresive towards Ford to the point of physically harming him either by puppetering his body or using his neurons to cause him pain and is still down bad for Ford even 30 years later and refuses to move on hence why he tries to offer him several chances to join him as an ally or why he gets better treatment (in Bill's standards) than the townsfolk in Gravity Falls or his Henchmaniacs during Weirdmageddon.

Everything boils down to family if you think about it; Bill is shown able to form relationships and feel guilt/remorse but he's so detached from reality that he refuses to recognize his wrongs and he cant help but project onto others as soon as he sees anything that makes another person similar to him cause he cannot take or recognize the pain that he's carrying cause that would break him and unlike old times he's got no one to sing him a comforting lullaby to lessen his hurt.

No parental figure is flawless in Gravity Falls;

Dipper and Mabel's parents's troubling marriage situation does worry their kids and is why they're never homesick and they decided to focus on other stuff during their summer and why Mabel was terrified of going home all alone to a place that would be broken, she couldn't bring Waddles, she wouldn't be able to go back to the Mystery Shack next summer and she'd have to face the horrors of high school all alone (which can be pretty terrifying lemme tell you as someone who spent the first year separated from her brother and it was among the worst school years ever) and there would be no one at her birthday party to say goodbye to her.

Priscilla and Preston did abuse Pacifica by essentially treating her like a dog with a bell and installing the idea she needs to be pretty and perfect.

Bud and his wife let Gideon do as he pleases cause they're terrified of him and dont give any discipline.

Fildbrick was a bad father with his kids by constantly treating Stan badly and Ford as the golden child but not truly respecting him or valueing his wants and essentially raising them to be abuse victims throughout their adulthood (Stan was only 18 when he had to fend for himself and thanks to the website we now have clues about how awfull his expierences were in a decade of homelessness and due to his need for validation he never got from his dad, Ford became trapped in a toxic relationship with Bill where he felt he couldn't get out and was helpless and alone when facing Bill) and Carynn, as loving as she was, she couldn't stand up for her son when it mattered the most. Plus, we still dont know how bad Shermie had it between living in Ford's shadow and fearing to be a dissappointment like Stanley was, not only to his dad but the entire town he was growing up in (and doing the math assuming he's the youngest of his brothers, it would mean he got married at 19-20 and moved to California probably in an attempt to get away from it all but thankfully he broke the cycle of abuse if Mabel and Dipper's parents dont want the kids to witness their rough patch going through which shows they care for their kids)

Stanley does gaslight Dipper and lies to everyone around him in an attempt to protect them which surprise to no one did get them into trouble more than enough times that could have been avoided if Stanley warned them or how he could of told them head he had a brother sooner to save himself the trouble, not to mention he struggles with Dipper when it comes to masculinity because of how he was raised but he would never lay a hand on him like how his father did. And he does try to be a better parental figure to those closest to him like Soos or Wendy, but again its hard.

Ford, although fond of his niece and nephew, can't help but project onto Dipper a bit and is why he offers him the chance to study in Gravity Falls as his apprentice for his well being but in reality this is bad for him as its stealing Dipper the chance to grow up and miss on many life expierences he wont get to expierence if he stays in a lab (said by Alex Hirsch) and Ford doesn't take a moment to think about Mabel's feelings regarding this situation and assumes she'll be okay all on her own just like he was in collage but fully overseeing the fact that she's still 12 years old and just like his brother, Ford hides the truth in order to keep them safe but with the addition of shame for not seeing past Bill's manipulations and tricks and he cant talk openly about it cause he was never given the proper tools to deal with it and he cannot bring himself to be fully trusting his family save for Dipper aka the person that resembles him the most (not unlike Bill sharing with Ford what truly happened to Euclydia) and it's exactly that distrust which causes Weirdmaggedon.

Scalene and Euclid as well meaning as they were; medically abused their kid and installed the idea he was different from others and Billy deflected that onto him being special in order not to feel bad for not fitting in and being the weird one in his home. Worst part is that Bill seemed to be aware that as bad as his treatment was, he knew his parents wanted the best for him but went about in the worst way possible and despite everything they did to him, he still loves them as seen in how he continuosly draws red and blue triangles or the fact he's wearing what remains of them aka his bow tie and tophat and he drops the sass and becomes serious upon hearing his mother's name coming out of Time Baby's mouth. He misses home but can't return. And now their baby boy is stuck somewhere somewhat resembling the past expierences of medical abuse he had back in his childhood and he cannot get out without exterior help which he lacks and tries to convince himself he'll get out of there, but can't.

It's sad and I do pity the small child who just wanted to show others the stars Bill once was but I cannot extend the sentiment towards the sociopathic megalomaniac monster that seeks to hurt others he became later on.

....im gonna read happy fanfics to cope now.

you ever think about how bill is who the pines could have been if they didn't have any kind of support from anyone in their lives

[fandomnutwasmine]

OK S O

I finished spiritfarer last night and I have SO much to say. Its taught me so much and i would most definitely recommend you go play it. If you have xbox game pass it's on there for free. However in you wanna buy it buy it it's like 30 dollars. It's also on switch and PC.

This game is so cute and so so heartbreaking, it gave me so many bitter sweet emotions and I love [almost] all the characters. (Elena can stay OFF my fucking ship thank you VERY fucking much)

But I would play the game again and again, I love the designs for the characters and all their personality complement one another so well, they feel so alive. It feels like I can look at the screen and talk to them and they will actually talk back.

For a game about saying goodbye, it made me feel like maybe sometimes goodbyes are a good thing. Sometimes you need to goodbye, sometimes you dont always get a goodbye. Something about this game just made me feel whole again.

It made me remember that it's ok not to be okay, it's ok to cry and be sad. And it's ok to not feel sad about someone leaving and that you can still miss them but feel better knowing that they're gone.

I will forever love this game. The animations, the characters and the scenes.

[askthestans]

Wanna look up fanart of yourself?

Stanley: Way ahead of ya, kiddo! I've seen lots of great fanart and stories of myself before. Just think, I used to be a conman livin' off lottery tickets and fast food in the Stanleymobile, to having my best friend back and bein' cherished and adored online by tons of fans!

I tell ya, you fans are great! I used to think I was worth nothing 'cept what dough I could make. And I know it's not good to get confidence based on outside validation, but... after Weirdmageddon and stopping Bill and Ford callin’ me a hero, and now with all this praising me for bein' a good brother and how protective I am of my family in general, well... makes a man lift his chin a little higher, know what I mean?

As for Ford, I tend to limit what he can see on our internet connection. Wendy showed me how to put on parental controls. See, I've had fans on this blog before try to tell Ford about stuff like Rule 34 and whatnot. Then I had to borrow Ford's nerd gun and get out my brass knuckles and yell at 'em to start runnin'. Literally, check back to some early posts. Protectin' family. It's what I do!

I mean, you do you, internet. No hate. But Ford was away from the world for thirty years. He hasn't seen the depravity the internet can descend to like I have. I know he's tough - survivin' in the Multiverse for decades will make sure of that - but y'know... baby steps.

Stanford: Stan, may I remind you that I am an adult man? The same age as you? It’s been over a year since I got back to this dimension. And I’ve seen some horrifying things in other dimensions. I think I can handle unrestricted internet-

Stanley: You mini-nuked a picture of yourself in a speedo, Ford.

Stanford: See? Perfectly and healthily handled.

Stanley: Really? Mini-nuking a piece of paper wasn’t overkill in the slightest?

Stanford: No.

Stanley: *Sighs.* Y'know, you could use your high IQ and science gobbledygook to like, I dunno, improve the world instead of destroying fanart and gettin’ revenge on your poor old twin brother for dumb shit that didn’t deserve nearly the level of response it got.

Stanford: *Smiles in smug satisfaction with no regret whatsoever.*

Stanley: Or like, I dunno, invent somethin’ to make my life better as thanks for savin’ your ass from the portal, or that annoying Dorito, or all the times I rescued you or punched somethin’ for you on our Stan-O’-War II trip?

Stanford: *Hands Stan something from his trench coat.*

Stanley: This is deodorant.

Stanford: Yes, you said you wanted something to make your life better. *Pulls Stan into a one-armed hug and pats his cheek.* It’ll also make mine better, too.

Stanley: You’re dead to me, Ford!

Stanford: Love you too, Stanley.

[presidentstalkeyes]

Stalkeyes Headcanons: Dipper & Mabel Pines' Parents

It's occurred to me that I share a lot of headcanons on the Discord channel I'm in, but few if any of them find their way here: so have some'a these.

Dip & Mabs' parents are called Louise and Emile. Lou is Shermie's only daughter - Em married into the family.

They first met when Em was working as an assistant in Shermie's computer appliance store in Glass Shard (that used to be Pines Pawns before he took it over) and Lou came over for her grandma Caryn's funeral.

Lou works as a private investigator, albeit the boring real-life kind that mostly works on insurance fraud cases. Meanwhile, Em works in silicon valley. The couple stumbled upon a lot of money when he joined the tech industry at the right time and place in the late 90s, which is the only reason they can afford to live in Piedmont.

They only moved there in the first place at Shermie's insistence; they both had their doubts, mostly because it seemed a bit too dull and suburban, but they eventually decided that their recently-born twin kids deserved to grow up in a 'safe' environment.

The couple see themselves as 'undercover weirdos', infiltrating a bland suburbia, and 'unleashing' their kids upon the unsuspecting. They're pretty good at hiding their quirks to anyone besides friends and family - even Stan is sometimes fooled.

In general, Lou has more in common with Dipper, while Em has more in common with Mabel. Dipper got his investigative mind, constant anxieties and love of mystery novels and board games from his mom, while Mabel got her goofball sense of humour and optimistic energy from her dad. Lou often wears pine tree earrings, while Em has a shooting star tattoo.

On the other hand, however, Em was an amateur astronomer, ufologist and X-docs fanboy when he was younger, while Lou enjoys wearing sweaters and used to make an unholy sugar concoction called 'Louce' (short for Louise-Juice).

Dipper has kind of a fraught relationship with both his parents. He doesn't hate them or anything, he just wishes they'd better understand his interests. Lou, as a P.I., is skeptical of the paranormal and sometimes gets into arguments with her son over it. She wants to encourage him to use his critical thinking skills, but Dipper just sees her as a 'doubter'. As for his dad...

When Dipper was little, Em used to tell him bedtime stories about how he was secretly a kickass space pirate, and how Dipper's birthmark was a sign of his 'cosmic ancestry'. At that age, Dipper ate it all up without question, to the point that kids at school made fun of him for genuinely thinking his dad was a space pirate. He really didn't take it well when Em told him the truth. Even years later, he doesn't trust his dad to take his interest in the paranormal seriously, because 'it's all just dumb bedtime stories to him'.

Whenever the kids' teachers at school bring up some of their odd behaviours - particularly after they came home from Gravity Falls - they typically say 'our children work in mysterious ways' and leave it at that.

The couple have known Grunkle Stan for years - Lou in particular used to know the 'original' Stanford Pines as a kid and later became convinced that Stan simply changed his behaviour to deal with the grief of losing his brother Stanley. She never mentioned Stanley to the kids out of respect for his and Shermie's wishes to not foist the Pines Family Drama™ on them. They've never visited Stan in Gravity Falls, but he's come over to them to take the kids on fun outings. He's one of the very few members of their extended family they even know, since Lou is an only child and Em more-or-less wants nothing to do with his own family, on account of growing up in a strict religious household that Dip & Mab like to call a 'cult'. The Pines family is quite small - they don't even know any cousins besides, like, three incredibly distant grandkids of their grandpa's mom's sister.

They're even closer with Stan after that summer, since they credit their kids' increased confidence with Stan's guardianship.

[the-haunted-office]

2, 3, 4,6, 13, 14

@parables-for-days

@katsuko-rp-blog

2. someone they love

"Cyrus! Even though we didn't always get along, he's grown to be like a father to me. To be honest, I never had a stable father figure in my life. I won't dump all my baggage onto you, but my parents divorced when I was about eleven years old and my step dad basically left our family in shambles after my mother died. Cyrus has been the most stable one I've ever had. We've been through so much together both as Narrators and as friends that yes, I can say I love him."

3. someone they miss

"Stanley. I miss him so much. I'm glad we got some extra time with him and there's some comfort in knowing that he isn't gone gone, but it still feels... less than without him. I hope he's happy with his family and sitting by a swimming pool sipping martinis and listening to Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel like he always talked about. He deserves that."

4. someone they admire

"My mother. She was the kindest, gentlest, most generous person I've ever known. She always knew the right thing to say when I was feeling down and just had this way with people. Especially me. There has never been another person who has understood me and been as patient with me as she was. I can only hope to be half the person she was."

6. someone they feel dislikes them

"September. 432. Although I don't really understand why she would dislike me. We used to be friends, back before we all got sealed in the office and the mist attacked. We used to meet up in the break room during our lunch breaks and talk. She was very shy, very sweet. She deserved better than everything that was handed to her. Maybe she dislikes me now, but I still think she deserves better."

13. someone they have conflicted feelings about

"Austin. Because I love him with all my heart, but I don't think he really returns my feelings. And I don't know if I can be with someone who doesn't return my feelings. Whatever he wants, whether that's us together or not or somewhere in the middle, I am happy to oblige. I just hope that if and when he decides that, it's what he really wants, and that his decision isn't made based off what he thinks I want just to make me happy or out of some fear that I'll want nothing to do with him otherwise."

14. someone whose choices have drastically impacted their life

"Maso. He's done a lot for me, met me more than halfway on a lot of things. I don't know if I'd be the person I am today if we hadn't met when we did. I guess you could say his choice to smoke a bunch of weed out in that hallway one day changed my life, ehehehe. Seriously, though, he did actually save my life, pretty much. I might have died a couple months ago, but he gave me strength to go on, to fight back. He stayed with me even when I was sick and sleeping all the time and hallucinating during the times when I was awake, too weak to get up and get my own tea. Gave me pain medications. My life wouldn't be the same without him."

[fruitcoops]

Part 3 of the disowning fic where Sirius calls Reg and Remus tells James (with Sirius’ permission ofc) and when Walburga calls Reg, he rips into her like never before. James rushing to Sirius’ house and basically having to be restrained from going to her house with Reg in tow.

Hopefully that makes sense. Sorry it’s probably really badly phrased

This makes a ton of sense--thank you for sending it in! Writing Regulus is such a neat challenge, since he and Sirius are so similar and yet so different. Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!

Part 1 II Part 2

TW for disownment and past child abuse (mentioned)

If Sirius ever met the person that invented showers, he would kiss them on the mouth. With tongue, if requested.

His phone hummed on the coffee table; when he made no move to grab it, Remus reached over and flipped the screen up. “Reg is on the way.”

Sirius hummed and cuddled into his chest, tightening his hold on his waist. Gentle fingers combed through his damp hair and he was warm all over in the best way. His face and eyes still itched a little, and his throat was raw from crying so hard, but at least he finally felt clean. The ache in his gut had dulled.

Remus pressed his lips to the space just above Sirius’ ear and wrapped his arms around him, tracing patterns on his upper back beneath his shirt. The skin-to-skin contact was something he never knew he needed so much—he couldn’t imagine living without it now. “We should go on vacation sometime this summer,” he mused, absently braiding a few locks of Sirius’ hair.

“Where?”

“I dunno. Somewhere warm, where we can swim and you can get all sexy and tan.”

Sirius laughed against his chest and breathed in the honey-lavender smell of his soap. “As long as you promise to freckle.”

He could feel Remus smiling. “I’ll do my best. It wouldn’t have to be a long trip, either—maybe a week in Florida, or California.”

“Alabama?” Sirius teased.

“Honey.” Remus kissed his forehead. “If you take me to Alabama—” Another kiss. “—I will take the biggest spider I can find—” A third kiss, so sweet in comparison to his playful threat. “—and put it in your shoe.”

Sirius snorted. “Just divorce me, that would be nicer.”

“Mmm, no, you’d miss me too much.”

“Put a spider in my shoe and we’ll see if that’s true.” Remus’ shoulders shook under him as they laughed and Sirius kissed his collarbone, then closed his eyes. “Do we have time for a nap before Reg gets here?”

“Maybe. How fast does he drive?”

“Not as fast as Pots—”

The doorbell rang, and then kept ringing; someone knocked insistently on the door, and Sirius groaned as he untangled his limbs from Remus and wandered over.

Regulus was not alone on the porch.

“What’s her phone number?” James demanded, practically smoking with fury as he and Regulus stormed into the house. He let out a furious breath when he saw the open envelope on the kitchen counter.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at his little brother. “Did you call him?”

“Of course I called him,” Regulus scoffed. “We also called Logan.”

“Isn’t he in Canada for the rest of the week?”

“Yeah, but he said he’d be here on Friday.” Regulus gave him a quick once-over and a stormy look came over his face. “When did she drop those off?”

“She didn’t. The mailman did, just after five.” Something bitter tinged Sirius’ mouth. “That was after she tried to make Remus give them to me.”

“What a bitch.”

“Reg!”

“It’s true,” Regulus snapped, though his anger was clearly directed elsewhere. “She’s a horrible coward and you deserve better.”

James held his phone up to get Sirius’ attention. “What’s her number?”

“I’m not giving you her phone number, J.”

“Reg, what’s her number?”

Regulus bit his lip for a second, then shook his head. “She won’t know who you are, and she would sue your ass faster than you could blink if you lost your temper on her. Me, on the other hand…”

Sirius put his hand over Regulus’ phone. “Don’t do this. If she disowns you, too—”

“If she disowns me I’ll throw a fucking party!” Regulus all but shouted. The room went silent. “I am sick and tired of hiding and watching them hurt you. She doesn’t control me anymore.”

“I’m not letting you get hurt for me.”

“And I’m not asking for you permission.” Regulus stepped back and dialed a number; in the kitchen doorway, Remus and James watched them in a mix of shock and concern.

The call connected and Regulus’ whole face went stony. “What is it, Regulus?” a tinny voice asked.

“Is it true?”

“Is what true?” Walburga sniffed. “Please, Regulus, we’ve discussed this. You have to clarify your intentions—”

“Did you disown my brother?”

“He’s not your brother anymore.” Disdain dripped from her voice and Sirius’ throat constricted as cold fire lit in Regulus’ eyes.

“He’s more family to me than you ever were.” His tone was even and deadly.

“Don’t be ridiculous—”

“Shut up.” A protective urge jolted in Sirius’ gut and he almost smacked the phone out of Regulus’ hand. “Just shut up.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You’re a coward and a liar, and I hate you.” A fine tremor slipped through and Regulus gritted his teeth. Remus touched Sirius’ elbow gently, and he gripped his hand tight.

“Listen here, you silly boy—”

“You don’t get to hurt him anymore. Sirius is a better person that you could ever dream of being and the fact that you can’t accept when your own son is happy—”

“He disgraced us—”

“You disgraced us!” Regulus snapped. “You and your rules, your blood money, your parenting that belonged more in a prison than a house! I’m not stupid, Mother, I know what you did was wrong!”

There were a few beats of silence. “I did what I did to prepare you for the real world.”

“The real world doesn’t give a ten-year-old a black eye for breaking a plate.”

Sirius closed his eyes and clenched his jaw as Remus inhaled sharply next to him; James cursed under his breath. The plate had been one of his grandmother’s, part of a twelve-piece set that they were using for Thanksgiving. One flipped corner on the rug had sent him flying, but the porcelain shard in his hand had hurt less than Walburga’s fury.

She was breathing hard on the other end of the line. “The world is a cruel place, Regulus.”

“No crueler than you.”

“Watch your mouth, you ungrateful child, or you’ll find yourself in the same shoes as that stain on our family tree.”

A flinty look came over Regulus then; if Sirius didn’t know better, he’d say he looked almost smug. “Do it. I dare you to look the media in the eye and tell them you disowned one son for being happy and the other for calling you out on your terrible parenting.”

“We disowned him for being a failure and a disgrace.”

Grey met grey as Regulus spoke next, his gaze never flickering from Sirius’ eyes. “Happily married to the love of his life, youngest captain in the league, with two Stanley Cups under his belt? Doesn’t sound like a failure to me, and far from a disgrace.”

Remus squeezed his hand as Sirius swallowed back a few tears that had started to gather. He offered a weak smile and the corners of Regulus’ eyes crinkled slightly.

“I’m hanging up the phone now,” he said, smooth and collected. Walburga was utterly silent. “Never contact me or my brother again. If you disown me, at least have the dignity to do it in person.”

He hung up and slid his phone into his back pocket. “Jesus,” James half-laughed behind them. “Remind me never to get on your bad side.”

“That was really brave, and really stupid.” Sirius said as he walked forward. Regulus met him in the middle, tucking his head under Sirius’ chin in a tight hug. “Thank you.”

“Brave and stupid, huh? I’m turning into you already.”

Sirius flicked his ear with a grin, but never loosened his hold. “Brat.”

“Love you.”

He closed his eyes and felt Regulus’ heartbeat through his palm. “Love you, too.”

“Will you at least give me her address so I can egg her house?” James asked once they separated, already moving to give Sirius another hug. He melted into it; James had the incredible ability to make him feel completely and utterly safe, like the world couldn’t touch him as long as he was there.

“As amazing as that would be, I’d rather not see you arrested.”

“Fair point.” He pulled back a bit and James searched his face. A wrinkle appeared between his brows. “How can I help?”

“This is nice.” Exhaustion made Sirius’ limbs heavy and his head was starting to throb from his earlier breakdown. James pulled him back in and two more sets of arms followed, forming a shield all around him. He felt Remus kiss his cheek and Regulus’ hand splay over his ribs; James was steady, an anchor in the storm. “How am I going to tell people about this?”

“You don’t have to,” Remus murmured.

“If I don’t, she will.”

“Then tell them the truth,” Regulus said. “Maybe not everything, but the relevant parts.”

“We’ll be here with you.” James’ voice was soft. “Us, and the rest of the team. Anything you need.”

Sirius didn’t say anything, but he did sink into the warmth of their embrace and let the weight of fear and unease lift off his shoulders. The burden wasn’t his alone; it never had been.

[malfoysmaybank]

drivers license - stanley barber

a/n: i was having some writers block on my requests and i’ve been sobbing to this song on repeat, so here’s a fic for my bebs stanley barber. i also changed one lyric from “blonde girl” to “one girl” because it fit the plot more!

warnings: angst, you might cry (i did while writing this lols), parent absence, fluff at the end because i couldn’t break my heart with this one, but some straight angst is coming soon!!!!

word count: 1.7k+

------------------------------------------------------

You had been best friends with Stanley Barber since you were young, maybe 10. You had stood up for him when some kids were pushing him around because of his outfit. 

“Hey! Get off of him!” You said, yelling at the trio of 5th grade boys pushing another boy to the ground. “Or what, Y/N? You’ll tattle? We aren’t scared of a girl.” The leader of the pack said. You clenched your jaw and punched him straight in the nose. You weren’t going to let a man talk to you like that. The leader started crying and ran off, his sidekicks following after him. You walked over to the boy on the ground and helped him up. “T-Thanks for that.” He said as he got back up. “No problem. I’m Y/N, by the way. Y/N Y/L/N.” You extended your hand for a handshake. He took it. “Stanley. Stanley Barber.”

You’ve been close ever since. You ate lunch with him that day and  bonded over silly things like tv shows and favorite colors. In middle school, he helped you develop your style and you bonded over new things like favorite bands and books. You had his back and he had yours. He truly was your best friend.

However, you started seeing Stanley in a new light in eighth grade. He had gotten taller, his face a little more structured. He also learned how to play guitar that year. He wrote a song about you, of all things. Nobody had ever done something like that for you before. You started noticing the little things he did for you. He would randomly bring a bag of your favorite candy to lunch if he saw you were having a bad day. He taught you how to play piano because he thought it sounded nice with your voice. You fell in love with Stanley Barber. Fuck. Of course you’d NEVER tell him. You couldn’t fuck up the only good thing in your life right now. So that meant silently suffering whenever he had a crush on someone.

That’s the issue, you couldn’t be happy for him when he was with someone else. You spent countless days crying alone in your room after he’d go on for hours about his newest crush. This continued for a straight 3 years. His newest crush was Sydney Novak. You thought this one would blow over, just like his past few, but it didn’t. In fact, this one was the strongest crush he’s ever had. He’d been ditching you to hang out with her. He wasn’t even there to see you get your drivers license, something he’d been so encouraging about. He basically taught you how to drive because he knew how much it meant to you. He didn’t even know you had passed your test, never once asking. But in the sparse moments when he didn’t blow off plans, he’d constantly be talking about her. One of those sparse moments being tonight.

You were currently in his room/basement and he was going on one of his Sydney rants. “She’s so cool, Y/N. I mean, I’ve never met someone who I’ve clicked with more.” Um ouch, but whatever. “I don’t know, she’s just different. Like, in a good way though.” Three deep breaths, Y/N. 3… “We even hooked up the other night.” 2… “I think I’m in love with her.” 1. “Look Stanley, not to be rude, but do you EVER shut up about her?!” You spat. He looked over at you in shock. “I can’t do this tonight… I’m leaving.” You grab your ‘save the earth’ backpack and start jogging up the stairs to leave. 

He follows as you open the door to his garage. “Woah, woah, woah, Y/N. What’s up?” Stan calls from behind you. You grab your skateboard and lift up the garage door. It’s pouring outside, but you don’t care. You go to leave but feel a hand on your wrist stop you. “You’re not going out in weather like that, just come inside and we can talk.” He says gently, still slightly confused. “About what, Sydney again? Don’t you get it Stanley?!” You snap in his face. His eyebrows furrow and you let out a sarcastic laugh, tears building in your eyes. “Of course you don’t. You’ve been so wrapped up in Sydney that you forgot who I was! I’m so done, Stan. I can’t sit here and pretend that I don’t care anymore. Don’t bother hanging out with me anymore.” You snap and rip your wrist away from Stanley’s grip. 

You drop your board and get on, pushing as fast as you can. He calls after you but you block him out. When you’re a far distance away from him and his house, you just sit down on the side of the road and cry. Hurt that he’ll never be yours. Angry that he doesn’t care about you anymore. Frustrated because you tried to be the glue that held your friendship together, but even glue can’t fix the titanic.

You didn’t go to school for the next week. Your parents wouldn’t care, they weren’t even here. Still on some ‘business trip’ just like every week. Instead, you did something that calms you. Wrote music about how you were feeling. You played piano basically all week. Singing anything and everything you were feeling. It made you feel worse sometimes, but in the end it felt worth it.

Stan pulled into your driveway in his dad’s piece of shit car. He needed to work this out with you, he hadn’t seen you all week and he was worried. He missed his best friend. As he quietly closed the car door, he heard the piano playing. He didn’t recognize the song, he was curious. He didn’t even bother knocking, knowing you would slam the door in his face if you knew it was him. He quietly shut the front door and he heard your voice. It got louder as he walked closer to your bedroom door. He’d always loved your voice, it put him to sleep some nights. He could see you slightly, the door left ajar. He listened in.

“I got my drivers license last week,

Just like we always talked about.

'Cause you were so excited for me

To finally drive up to your house.

But today I drove through the suburbs,

Crying 'cause you weren't around”

You sang flawlessly, not a single note out of tune. There was so much emotion behind your voice. So much hurt, anger, frustration. He continued listening, trying to find out who caused you so much hurt. He’d bash their face in, that’s for sure.

“And you're probably with that one girl

Who always made me doubt.

She's so much older than me,

She's everything I'm insecure about”

With that first line, it hit him. He’d caused this hurt. The anger, the frustration, that was him. He was so angry with himself that he almost missed the next line… almost.

“Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs,

'Cause how could I ever love someone else?”

You… you loved him? He’d spent so much time on Sydney that he hadn’t even realized what was in front of him all these years. Except he had.

“And I know we weren't perfect, but I've never felt this way for no one.

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone.”

God damn it! He could’ve confessed sooner, instead of ignoring his feelings. And for what? A mindless hookup with Sydney?! He could’ve had you this whole time, but he fucked up.

“....Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me.”

You said that line softly. No anger, or frustration, or even confusion behind that line. Just hurt. He saw a single tear fall down your cheek as you stopped singing. There was more to that song, you just couldn’t continue. He’d be sure to ask you to sing the rest of it later, but right now he needed to fix this. You stood up from the piano bench and he burst through the door. “Stanley, what are you doi-” You couldn’t even finish your sentence before he wrapped his arms around you and brought your head to his chest. “I meant every word of that damn song. Every word. I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry.” Tears flowed down your face as you tightly hugged him back and buried your face in the crook of his neck. “I love you. And I’ll be better for you. I should’ve treated you with the respect and love you deserve. I swear I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. Please give me a second chance, please.” He cried. “I love you too, Stan.” You started. “But I don’t know.” He squeezed you tighter (but still as gentle as possible, he didn’t want to hurt you), with more tears flowing out of his eyes. “Please, Y/N. I’ll be better. If I give you anything less than the love and attention you deserve, you have my full permission to punch me square in the face and kick me to the curb.” You both giggled, still crying. 

He let go of you to hold your face in his hands. “Please?” He begged. “...Okay, fine. But we need to go over how you’re going to do better in the future and what we can do to help each other communicate better and stuff.” You said. He picked you up and spun you around, making you squeal. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, Y/N!! I promise I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” You laughed as he set you down and leant down to whisper in your ear. “Want to hear a secret?” He said, sending shivers down your spine. “I never liked Sydney.” He laughed as you hit his chest. “You dick!” You exclaimed, shocked. He swiftly pulled you in by the waist, your faces inches apart as your hands rested on his chest. “You love me, though.” He whispered. “That I do.” You said and finally closed the gap. Damn, you could kiss this boy forever. Alas, the moment is cut short because unfortunately, humans need oxygen to survive. “I love you too.” He says and smiles, giving you a peck on the forehead. “Could you sing the rest of that song for me? I love your voice but that songwriting was INCREDIBLE.” He says and you nod.

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permanent taglist: 

@loonylunaandthenargles​

[jiantan]

Operation: Cheer Up Buddy || Jian & Minjoon

When: May 7, 2021

Where: Jian’s apartment, Santa Monica, California

Featuring: Minjoon Song (dialogue provided by Katie @minjoonie-song) 

Triggers: Drunkenness 

Joonie dropped his phone on the couch where he’d been laying around after Jian’s last text, making a checklist of things as he dove head first into Operation: Cheer Up Jian. Hm. Scratch that. Operation: Cheer Up Buddy. Code name: CUB. During his internal rambling, that admittedly did make him smile, Joonie grabbed one of his favourite blankets and threw it into the dryer to make sure it was warm when he took it over. After steps two, three and four of his amazing plan; put on pants, gather food and get the blanket out, Joonie was using his foot to knock on Jian’s door, hugging the blanket to keep it as toasty as possible.

Jian was laying on the floor of his living room, three drinks in. Who would’ve thought Mike’s Hard Lemonade would actually taste good? Not Jian. His co-worker Stanley was right. But now Jian was drunk and thinking about his ex. He remembered that he was dumped by the person he thought was his soulmate two years ago to the date and had to throw himself a pity party to celebrate. As he heard a knock on the door, he groaned and rolled around before getting up and answering. “Minjoon, hi...” he said, realizing in that moment that he was wearing Christmas penguin pajama pants.

Joonie greeted Jian with a smile and a quiet hi as he set down the picnic basket so he could drape the blanket over his shoulders.  “Warm and soft always makes me feel better.” Minjoon smiled, retrieving the basket again and patting the lid lightly. “Food too. I brought things to make you either the best mushroom risotto you’ll ever eat ever or the best pizza bagels you’ll ever eat. Depends on how soon you feel up to eating.”

He blinked at Minjoon in confusion, almost forgetting about the texts he had sent not long ago. “I, uh, I’ve never had pizza bagels before,” he admitted. His parents considered it to be junk food, and they never kept much junk food in the house. As an adult, Jian internalized their lessons about healthy eating, but he occasionally went to drive-thrus after long days at work. “Have you ever had Mike’s Hard Lemonade before? My co-worker said it was tasty and I didn’t believe him, but it does taste like lemonade!” He snuggled up in the blanket, bringing it closer to his face. “This smells nice.”

“Pizza bagels it is! And they’ll be the yummiest you’ll ever eat ever and they’ll ruin all other pizza bagels for you forever.” Minjoon nodded confidently. He may have been biased, considering he’d made both the bagels and the sauce he brought over. “Um.. nope. I can’t say I have. I like making cocktails because it’s about flavours and that’s like my one skill. I mostly like wine though because of how well it pairs with food and I love food so that’s mostly what I drink if I’m at home or a friends.” He felt his face flush when Jian commented on the blanket. “Ah, that’s my uh.. I have a pillow mist? It’s lavender, jasmine and sandalwood. I put it on my blankets too because it’s supposed to be soothing.”

“Oh. I guess I’m trying new things today.” He was genuinely interested to see how this would turn out. “I don’t like too many alcohols because of the taste. I liked the cocktails you made that one time because they tasted like fruits. Every beer I’ve ever tried tasted like wet bread. I think I tried wine once and didn’t like it.” Most of his alcohol-based misadventures occurred during college. He tried a bunch of different things but disliked most of them. “Your pillow mist is nice. You’re nice.”

“You’ll have fun, I promise. If not fun, you’ll at least have a full tummy.” Joonie put his hand on Jian’s shoulder to guide him back slightly and let himself in so he could close the door behind himself. “We don’t want the little ones escaping. Ollie, really. Reggie will probably take some time but better safe than sorry.” Minjoon could only nod in agreement at the opinion on the drinks. “Yeah, I’m not really a beer drinker. I don’t really like it but cocktails that don’t taste like alcohol are the best. Except for the fact that you can just drink them like juice and get drunker than you want to. Do you really like it? I can get you some.”

"Having a full tummy is a good idea. I didn't eat dinner yet." He didn't have any plans for dinner and was most likely going to eat leftovers before Joonie arrived. "Reggie is in his tank. I'm not sure where Ollie is. He's probably asleep on my bed. Or in my laundry hamper." If he was awake, he would have already darted for the door. "I don't think I need any more alcohol. I'll just become more sad." Too much alcohol made him sad and he never figured out how to fix that.

“This won’t come as a surprise but I’m full of good ideas when it comes to food. Mostly because my ideas just involve eating and that’s always a good idea.” Joonie nodded when Jian explained where the pets were, not quite sure where Jian’s room or the hamper was so he couldn’t try and peek to wave at Ollie. “No, I don’t think you should drink any more unless it water or juice.” He paused slightly, looking at the bags he brought before he set them down where he stood and opened his arms. “Do you want a hug?”

"You do love food... I don't mean that as a bad thing. Just an observation. You make good food and you have good taste." The last thing Jian wanted was for Joonie to think he was insulting his weight or eating habits. When asked whether he wanted a hug, he hesitated. He knew a hug would feel very nice and comforting right now, but he was afraid he'd start crying if he was hugged. He didn't want to be perceived as a pathetic baby, even though he felt like one on the inside. After a moment of silence, he caved in, burying his face in his friend's shoulder.

“I really do. It’s always been that um.. Like a constant? It’s always been a source of comfort for me.” He wrapped Jian up in a hug when the other leaned into it, his crooked fingers stroking the hair at the nape of his neck before he was massaging it the way that always helped soothe him. “I’ve got you.”

“My computer and my gaming consoles have been my source of comfort since I was young. If I feel lonely or sad, I can play a game and become someone else for a little while.” As soon as he finished saying his thought aloud, he realized just how sad it sounded. He thought to himself, ’I really am pathetic.’ He took a few deep breaths, trying to keep it together as his friend touched his hair, until he finally snapped and started crying into Minjoon’s shoulder.

“That’s the same for everyone, isn’t it? Why we have so many games where we’re the hero? Where at the end of it, we’re the ones who save the day and everything is okay.” He hoped his reassurance came across as exactly that, a reassurance, and not him trying to invalidate Jian’s feeling of comfort. Joonie understood how hard it can be to open up, to spill secrets no matter how big or small. He wrapped his arms tighter around Jian, rest his chin on his shoulder and held him closer; another quiet “I’ve got you.” leaving him.

“I— I guess so. I haven’t put too much thought into it.” He wanted to be able to save the day and make everything okay in his own life, but he didn’t even think he was the main character of his story. If anything, he was the villain who ruined everything. “Why are you so nice?” he mumbled, squeezing Joonie even tighter.

“And that’s okay too. Not everything has to have a reason, you can enjoy things simply because they’re enjoyable.” Minjoon spoke softly, trying to be as gentle as possible with Jian so he knew he was in a safe space. “I’m not so nice, I’m Minjoon.” Even with the joke, he kept his voice light but still, the corners of his lips curled up slightly in amusement at himself as he squeezed back.

Jian sniffled, asking, “Like Animal Crossing?” He truly did play Animal Crossing just for the sake of playing it. There was no winning or losing in that game, just colorful animals. “No, but you really are a nice person. I don’t know what I did to deserve a nice friend like you.”

[occasionaloneshots]

Club Mom- Losers Club

 Sequel to Gang Mom (technically I’m writing them together so I don’t lose interest in my own writing.)

 summary/blurb

words 557

    Everything felt wrong that year, seeing her on her own like that. The pink jacket that once covered her arms now abandoned, no one had seen it since before the, bowers incident. The old leather replaced by a green sweater that made those who took pity on the girl frown in her presence. Those who didn’t take pity on her however, let the rumors spread like wild fire. Some said she asked Henry to kill the others, a last result out of the friend group. Others thought it had been a trap for her that she barely escaped. There was even some of rumors that she planned to run off with Victor Criss and Henry killed him to stop it. And there was nothing she could do to stop them, because how do you tell the whole town that an evil clown possessed your first grade best friend to kill the other two? That would get her locked away with him for sure.

    It was even more confusing when they saw who she was around now. The losers club tided to her hip and in ways, the group seemed to fit her more. The gentleness that once seemed to out of place beside Henry and Patrick made perfect since between Mike Hanlon and Stanley Uris. She still would carry snacks and band-aids in her bag but they changed, picking up new things and being careful of allergies she never had to worry about before. Now a spare inhaler would fall from her bag from time to time, obviously not hers and people just, knew. And then there was little things that made new rumors fly, just like back when she was with bowers. People seemed to believe she moved on to younger guys. It was in the way she would ruffle Eddie’s hair, the gentleness of her helping Mike by picking him up to carry his deliveries. That blue trans am she bought off Ms. Higgins being his god sent when he needed to run deliveries in the rain. It was in the way that Bill looked to her to relax when his stutter seemed to worsen and the way that she seemed to be the only one that could make Richie quiet. The times you’d find her in the library with Ben or the park with Stan. She was always there with one of them, many wondered if it was guilt, making up for what Henry did. But those rumors that she would be with one of them never truly faded no matter what group the girl found. 

     Everyone in town remembers the day she graduated, six boys all pretending they weren’t going to cry in the crowd next to her parents. And the day she left, no one out side of the losers club ever saw her cry that hard, and they hadn’t seen it since ‘89. Then it was University of Maine and moving to Atlanta. And for the first time, in her middle school classroom, Hailey felt at peace. Becoming friends with the aunt of one of star students who introduced her to accountant husband (who was truly a big help during tax season). And something about the two of them felt so safe and nostalgic, the friendship just seeming to click. But then there was the phone call, and Hailey Black realized she may never truly have the peace she craves. And she could never have a happy ending with childhood friends. 

Hailey “Hales” Black

“I bleached my hair in college and I just remember thinking ‘He’d say you were copying him’ and to this day I’ve been trying to figure who it was. But, Victor, it was Victor.” 

nostalgic (luvsick) - renforshort

“ Always thought that we weren't like the rest/But I guess the world knew we were bluffin'/Lookin' back, we were all that we had/How did that just go and turn into nothin'?/Now every time that I drink Jack/I get those flashbacks/And go down a rabbit hole.”

Richard "Richie" "Trashmouth" Tozier

“You see, that sign never stopped me as a kid, can’t stop me now. Dance with me, ladies!” 

The story- Conan Gray

“ And when I was younger/I knew a boy and a boy/Best friends with each other/But always wished they were more/'Cause they loved one another/But never discovered/'Cause they were too afraid of what they’d say/Moved to different states”

Stanley “Stan” Uris 

“You will be at dinner next week right? Patty will be disappointed if you aren’t. So will I, of course.” 

27 - MGK

“What is a beautiful life without a beautiful death?/What is a beautiful mind, how is our beauty defined?/Is it for you to decide, is it my duty to die?/No matter how I’m remembered, just let me be remembered”

Beverly “Bev” Marsh 

“They really did grown into a handsome group of old men, didn’t they?” 

Love song- YUNGBLUD

“ All I learned growing up/Was that love chewed me up/Spit me out on the pavement” “ Sweetheart, you are/Changing my mind/Nobody taught me how to love myself/So how can I love somebody else?/There ain’t no excuses/I swear that I’m doing my best”

Michael "Mike" Hanlon

“You know, I always knew you’d end up working with kids, you were always so, maternal.”

Long Story Short- Taylor Swift

 “ Actually/I always felt I must look better in the rear view/Missing me/At the golden gates they once held the keys to/When I dropped my sword/I threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door/And we live in peace/But if someone comes at us/This time, I’m ready”

William “Bill” Denbrough

“You know what Mister? She was fast enough to beat the devil.” 

Almost is Never Enough- Ariana Grande

“ If I could change the world overnight/There’d be no such thing as goodbye/You’d be standing right where you were/And we’d get the chance we deserve, oh”

Edward "Eddie" Kaspbrak

“That’s going to take forever to burn”

favorite crime- Olivia Rodrigo

“ It’s bittersweet to think about the damage that we’d do/'Cause I was goin’ down, but I was doin’ it with you/Yeah, everything we broke and all the trouble that we made/But I say that I hate you with a smile on my face/Oh, look what we became”

Benjamin "Ben" Hanscom

"I mean, it's weird right? Now that we're all here everything just comes back faster."

Best Friend - Rex Orange County 

“ I should've stayed at home/'Cause right now I see all these people that love me/But I still feel alone/Can't help but check my phone/I could've made you mine/But no, it wasn't meant to be and see, I wasn't made for you/And you weren't made for me/Though it seemed so easy”

[heartachebf]

16, 17 (Tweek), and 25 -Batz 🖤💜

fandom asks

16. favorite behind-the-scenes insight ive actually got 2 answers for this !! first off, i love the fact that kenny is based off a Real Life kid trey knew growing up, who was Also named kenny n wore an orange coat that nobody could hear him over And was the poorest kid in town. and i rly love that kyle is blatantly based off matt stone ^_^ i have a big gay crush on matt so obvi that makes kyle one of my favs

17. 3 things you love about [insert character]

1. the fact that he can play piano And sing And act ^_^ i love that artsy little dweeb so much 2. the fact that his tics slowly got better over the years... sobbing n wailing.... AND the fact that he barely tics when hes around craig.... love wins 3. i love that he can kick ass should he choose to ^_^ he could maim someone so easily and i think he deserves to bonus number 4 bc i love him so much. i love that he can bake ^_^ i like to think that he stress bakes and will try out new recipes n then he'll take what he baked to school to let his friends try ^_^ hes god tier actually

25. favorite episode of [insert season] u didnt specify which season, so ill give my favs of each season (below the cut bc this post is getting long) (id also probs do this even if u Did specify which season bc. peace and love)

s1: i cant pick between episode 7, black friday (bc i Love the feel of all the early halloween episodes) or episode 10, damien (bc damien supremacy ^_^ im forever obsessed w the fact that he, the son of satan, has a super high pitched voice)

s2: EPISODE 17, GNOMES !!!!! i think that was tweeks first introduction and as such, its my fav ^_^ i rly love his voice in that ep <3

s3: episode 5, tweek vs craig, bc duh ^_^ the beginning of an era <3 plus its proof that tweek is tough n doesnt need protecting

s4: either episode 6, cherokee hair tampons (bc i love how fiercely stan tries to help kyle + its revealed that kyle has diabetes ^_^ i will forever cry over the fact that stan didnt hesitate to offer his kidney to save kyles life) or episode 8, something you can do with your finger (bc i love their silly little boy band + i love wendy joining their boy band + kyle wanting to be the tough one of the band + randy backstory/him being a lil insane but in a funny way)

s5: episode 3, super best friends ^_^ the origin of stan n kyle being super best friends ^_^ i also kinda love episode 10, how to eat with your butt, bc kenny is very endearing in it And we finally get to see what kyles hair looks like <3

s6: either episode 9, free hat, or episode 11, child abduction is not funny bc theres so much excellent tweek content ^_^ i also like ep11 bc of how dumb the parents are in that one, thats always amusing

s7: either episode 8, south park is gay (the fact that everyone was acting a lil fruity ^_^ gay rights ^_^ and also kyle rejecting dressing fruity and getting made fun of for that. so funny considering the fact that he Is gay, i prommy, kyle told me himself) or episode 14, raisins (bc butters was very sweet that episode + goth stan was introduced ^_^)

s8: omg this ones so hard to pick. i love episode 4, you got f'd in the a, bc stan having to get in a dance battle??? comedy gold. i love episode 6, the jeffersons, bc we stan n kyle being dads to blanket, gay ptide. and then i also love episode 11, quest for ratings, bc i love the guys having their own news team And i love that craig had a show dedicated to just showing cute animals. dork craig rights

s9: episode 10, follow that egg ... more silly little stan n kyle content ... stan gets rly fruity here and im obsessed w it. that whole episode gives me silly little au ideas ^_^

s10: episode 14, stanleys cup. froths at the mouth. that one anon of mine, hockey fic anon? theyre writing a silly little fic based off an au of That episode ^_^ that ep is so quality

s11: goes insane. episode 8, le petit tourette bc i loved seeing cartman in anguish + dork craig content. episodes 10, 11, and 12 aka the imaginationland trilogy bc. god. just so good. i cant even explain it. episode 13, guitar queer-o bc it gives me Another great au idea + stan n kyle are fruity in it. and finally, episode 14, the list, bc there was lots of good wendy content And kyle got a little unhinged ^_^ as he deserves <3

s12: this is another one where its so hard to pick... episode 1, tonsil trouble, bc kyle got to go in attack mode again. episode 3, major boobage, bc we got silly little kenny content ^_^ episode 9, breast cancer show ever, bc thats when wendy beat the shit out of cartman <3 episodes 10 and 11, pandemic and pandemic 2, bc. craig content ^_^ and also ive already talked on my blog abt how its the best 2 parter ever. and episode 13, elementary school musical, bc stans gang was particularly goofy n their musical number was so fun ^_^

s13: episode 8, dead celebrities, bc kyle and ike content!!! i love them so much!!! and also episode 11, whale whores, bc stan Attacked And Killed all for the love of animals, n i love him for it

s14: episodes 11, 12, and 13, tha superhero episodes ^_^ i loved getting to see everyones superhero costumes in action And we got to learn more abt kennys immortality, which was so exciting !!

s15: episodes 7 and 8, youre getting old and ass burgers. starts sniffling and crying and collapses on the floor while sobbing. thats all i have to say about that, peace and love

s16: episode 5, butterballs (bc stan is so! hes just so !!! yknow. the anti bullying song in it is So good, And i live for butters standing up for himself ^_^ also the song at the end is god tier), episode 6, i never shouldve gone ziplining (its so fuckn funny, and i live for the live action bit at the end), and episode 11, going native (bc of that sweet, sweet butters n kenny content ^_^ i also live for butters Attacking in it)

s17: episode 4, goth kids 3: dawn of the posers. probably my fav goth kids centric episode ^_^ its so good n funny

s18: episode 3, the cissy. starts sniffling and crying again, but this time in transgender mode. i also love episode 6, freemium isnt free bc we get another Glimpse into stans issues w addiction ^_^ peace and love on planet earth

s19: episode 6, tweek x craig. love wins, gay ptide, etc etc

s20: um. i actually kinda hated this season. but ig if i Had to choose one, itd be episode 10, the end of serialization as we know it, bc it finally ended that season ^_^ no offense to any s20 stans out there, i just thought it was so boring

s21: episode 2, put it down. tweek n craig content, gay ptide ^_^ this is also the one where we learned that tweek can sing, play piano, And bake, and we also got to see craig learn how to support tweek better, which was very sweet ^_^

s22: episode 10, bike parade. i didnt super love this season either, so its kinda a case of picking the one i wasnt bored with. plus in a way it kinda felt like one of the original episodes, it was like a lil blast from the past !

s23: episode 2, band in china ^_^ we got stans band, crimson dawn !! it was great learning more abt how stan felt abt having to move to a farm, plus butters ripping it on a guitar was so funny. and then randy did stuff too idk

s24: this season has just been the 2 specials so far, but i liked the vaccination special, episode 2 the best ^_^ bc 1, the brovorce arc started, n im rly excited to see what happens with that. and also the way it ended left me hopeful that maybe the shows gonna go back to the way it used to be a little bit <3 i also liked how we saw stan gettin really mentally ill with freaking out over the pandemic, but that mightve been in the first episode instead...

[helpingwithhealing]

8 Ways to Rebuild a Positive Life After Trauma

The word trauma is a derivative of the Greek word for 'wound'. This term, of course, encompasses physical, psychological, and emotional ordeals, one commonality between all types of trauma is that it interferes with the daily functioning of a person's life, sometimes to a severe degree.

"Trauma is the glimpse of truth that tells us a lie, the lie that love is impossible, that peace is an illusion." - David Morris, author

From nearly the beginning of the 21st century, people have had to deal with conflict increasingly. Without a doubt, the individuals that have suffered the most have been the men, women, and children placed in harm's way. In addition to the obvious physical damage caused by war, there is a high psychological cost. PTSD is a form of psychological trauma that is most commonly associated with war or violence. While this may have brought the condition to the surface, there are various reasons why someone develops PTSD. The condition usually results because the person saw or lived through a dangerous event.

The most common adult symptoms of PTSD include flashbacks, nightmares, frightening thoughts, emotional numbness, depression, difficulty sleeping, angry outbursts, and hypertension.

For children who experience PTSD, symptoms may include: bedwetting, re-acting the event, being clingy with parent or adult, and loss of verbal skill. Teens often experience symptoms closer to those of an adult. Regardless of age, symptoms can be reduced.

PTSD is one obvious form of trauma, some other there are many others. Some other situations and events that can lead to trauma include:

Acts of violence; ex: assault, child abuse, domestic abuse, r*pe, s*icide

Disasters; ex: earthquake, hurricane, flood

Serious vehicle accidents

Regardless of the type of trauma experienced, there are ways to cope. You can build a life after trauma- any trauma.

Here are 8 ways to build a positive life after a traumatic event.

1. Remember that your past does not define you.

When someone experiences trauma, they become haunted by the event for a long time. Given the nature of what trauma sufferers have seen and experienced, this is understandable. Acts of violence, disaster, and war are absolutely abhorrent events for someone to live through.

Remember this: your past does not define who you are. The brain is very adept at replaying events that strongly impacted your life - this includes trauma. This cannot be stated enough and is a recurring phase on this site: be present. Study meditation, prayer, spirituality- whatever you need to do to keep your mind focused on the present. You can do it.

2. Forgive yourself and others for past hurt and resentment.

This is understandably difficult, especially those that have experienced acts of violence. Just remember that you don't have to forgive someone because they deserve it, but because you deserve it. Forgiveness can liberate you from the resentment and anger occupying your heart and mind, allowing you to replace it with something far better.

Again, forgiving others is not about them; it's about you. Holding onto anger and resentment damages you far more than it does who committed the act. Release and let go of this negativity, my friend.

3. Take time for self-love and self-care

Of course, be good to yourself by taking care of your body and mind. Do things that cater to your physical and mental health - exercise, meditate, eat healthy, etc.

People who experience PTSD, including soldiers in combat, have experimented with mindfulness meditation and found it to be beneficial. According to Dr. Elizabeth Stanley, a professor at Georgetown University, and former U.S. Army Captain, "It's clear that mindfulness can lower stress in many contexts. We (also) think it can work for soldiers dealing with the extreme stress of combat."

4. Replace negative thoughts

This is another area where meditation may help in dealing with trauma. Negative thought replacement is an actual method designed to reduce the amount of depressive and negative thoughts.

It's not normal to believe new, introductory thoughts at first; however, making a habit of introducing new thought patterns works if one keeps at it. According to a study in Psychology Today, speaking positive thoughts and words breed positive thoughts and words. It may take some patience and work but replacing the negative thoughts will have a profound impact in the long run.

5. Take small steps to make subtle shifts

"The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step" - Lao Tzu

What a beautiful quote, one that is directly applicable to those affected by trauma. This may be one to commit to memory.

Again, in dealing with trauma, healing will not happen quickly. You must remember to be patient and gentle with yourself while allowing the process to unfold. It is important not to be harsh with yourself. Indeed, you've already experienced enough.

6. Learn to trust life again (trust people, new experiences)

Traumatic events can make it extremely difficult to trust life itself- the process, the experiences, and the people.

This is certainly true if a person has hurt you, which makes it more difficult to trust people as a whole. But you must move past this barrier.

You must have faith and trust in people and in life. Think about the repercussions of living a life in which no trust is given. You are resentful, angry, and discouraged. Instead, trust in people, trust in yourself, and trust in life. Reframe your mind.

7. Keep a close positive circle (people who uplift you and encourage your healing and new life)

Being surrounded by positive people is important for everyone, but especially those who have experienced traumatic events. If you've experienced trauma, make a commitment to be around people who will encourage your healing process and not judge you.

Refuse to be surrounded by those who will make your transition more difficult. negative people breed negative people. When people of a negative disposition present themselves, walk away, or ignore them. There are plenty of good, positive people that will assist and encourage your healing process.

8. Acceptance of personal tragedy is liberating- suffering should be expected as a part of life experience. This is when we learn the most.

As with most experiences, you can learn and grow from what has happened to you. Even though it may not resonate now, what you've gone through has made you stronger, not weaker. Sure, you may feel weak and even hopeless at times, but there is an inner strength and courage far beyond what you can imagine.

[exyrpf]

#51“You stole my heart like it was nothing.” With tk and Sid please

Ours; TK/Sid

Prompt from here: “You stole my heart like it was nothing.”

Word count: 1k

Rating: T

Tags to note: Making Up/Breaking Up, Miscommunication, Hurt/Comfort

Other: So this is technically a sequel to this blurb, which I’m actually turning into a full fic (that’s why this is 1k). Angsty but also very very cheesy. Sid’s an idiot, basically, but he means well.

-

Sid exhales, trying to find the words to explain it. “My entire career, I’ve had to give up things because nothing was mine. No part of me was just mine, unless I forced it to be. Everyone felt like they were - like they were owed parts of me. Just because I’m Sidney Crosby they were entitled to parts of me that I didn’t want anyone else to have, to see. Parts of me that were mine. You are -” Sid paused, feeling his heart clench in his chest. “Were. You were just mine. Not Sidney Crosby’s, or Captain Canada’s, or Sid the Kid’s, or the Next Wayne Gretzky’s. Just - Sid’s.”

“Why are you scared, though?”

“I’m scared because I’ve never felt like this before. I've never...given parts of myself so willingly. And telling people just feels like giving away another part."

-

"You stole my heart like it was nothing. You walked into my life and turned it upside like it was the easiest thing in the world. So much of me is yours, because I give myself to you so easily,” Sid said softly, staring at his hands. “And that terrifies me.”

“Why?” It was a simple question, said without judgement.

Sid exhales, trying to find the words to explain it. “My entire career, I’ve had to give up things because nothing was mine. No part of me was just mine, unless I forced it to be. Everyone felt like they were - like they were owed parts of me. Just because I’m Sidney Crosby they were entitled to parts of me that I didn’t want anyone else to have, to see. Parts of me that were mine. You are -” Sid paused, feeling his heart clench in his chest. “Were. You were just mine. Not Sidney Crosby’s, or Captain Canada’s, or Sid the Kid’s, or the Next Wayne Gretzky’s. Just - Sid’s.”

“Why are you scared, though?”

“I’m scared because I’ve never felt like this before. I've never...given parts of myself so willingly. And telling people just feels like giving away another part."

He was interrupted by Travis placing a hand on his chest. His touch felt like a brand, like he could feel it straight on his heart, and Sid couldn’t stop his quiet intake of breath.

“This…this is ours,” Travis said, gesturing between them with his free hand. “Ours. No one else’s. I know you’re scared, but my heart doesn’t beat for them.” He clenches the fist in Sid’s shirt. “No matter how many people know. The world could know, and it would still be ours.”

“Travis -” Sid’s voice was coming in gasps now

“You can’t do this to me again," TK said, interrupting whatever Sid was going to say. "I refuse to let you do this to me again. I’m not asking you to tell the world, or even to tell your family and closest friends. I understand what it’s like to be in the closet. But don’t just push me away.”

Sid felt his heart stop; surely Travis could feel it under his fist. Surely he could feel the way Sid was barely holding it together. “What are you saying?”

Travis rolled his eyes; it was fond and familiar. “I’m saying if you ask really nicely and grow from your mistakes, I won’t break up with you.”

“You’d - you’d do that? You’d take me back?”

“Only if you ask nicely and grow from your mistakes," Travis repeated. It looked like he was trying not to laugh at Sid, but Sid didn't care. Travis was here, was giving him another chance.

“I want to tell the team," he blurted out. “Or - more of them.”

Travis looked shocked for a beat, which was understandable. Sid hadn't even asked for him back, technically. He'd always been zero to sixty, though - Travis knew that.

“Flower and Tanger already know,” Sid admitted. “Taylor knows.”

“Patty knows,” Travis added, a smile slowly spreading on his face. There should always be a smile on TK's face. "My brother, too."

“Tell your parents. You can tell your guys, too," Sid said, because he needed Travis to know they were equals in this.

“Even G?” TK's smile was crooked.

Sid rolled his eyes. “Even Claude.”

"Wow, you're pretty serious, eh? If I can tell Claude Giroux."

"I'm in love with you. That's about as serious as it gets."

TK used the hand still clenched in his shirt to pull Sid into his arms. Sid shuddered a breath, tucking his face in TK's neck. His arms were around Sid’s waist now, both of them clutching at each other.

"I love you, too," Travis whispered against his temple. 

Sid pulls his head back to place a soft kiss on TK's lips in response.

"Sorry I told you to shove the Stanley Cup up your ass," Travis snickered against his lips.

"I deserved it,” Sid said, pulling away.

"You did,” Travis nodded. “Pretty sure there's not enough lube in the entire world for that, though."

"There's not enough room in the human body for that, Trav."

TK leered at him. "If anyone could do it, it's you, babe."

This? This was the man he'd chosen? Multiple times?

"Okay, tell me something,” Travis hummed. “Did you ever jizz in the Cup?"

Sid pulled back, horrified. "No, I never jizzed in the Cup."

"Hm. Next time."

"Next time?" Travis saying he’d win another Cup was almost as far fetched as him taking Sid back.

Travis nodded. "Yeah, when the Flyers win the Cup you can come to my Cup Day and we can jizz into it. It'll be fun."

Sid rolled his eyes, trying to stifle the fond smile.

"Is it too late to say I don't want to make up?"

"'fraid so. You're stuck with me,” Travis beamed.

"Damn. Guess it could be worse."

"You're damn right it could be worse."

Sid buried his face into TK's chest. "I'm keeping you this time." His voice was muffled.

“Good,” Travis said in his ear. 

It wouldn’t be the last time they’d fight, far from it, but maybe next time they’d communicate a little better.

“Ours?” Travis pulled away to look at him, eyes searching his face. 

“Ours,” Sid nodded.

[themysteriousauthor18]

It had been years since the events of the weirdmageddon and the pine twins like those years that passed, had grown with time.

Each summer they visited the mystery shack the others had gotten the chance to watch them grow. And things for those four years were normal. 

This year, well this year was special. And it wasn’t just because the twins were turning eighteen. No, it was because of something that was soon to come, something neither Mable and especially Dipper wouldn’t have seen coming. 

As the bus neared their location and the forest blurred past the window a certain brunette was sitting by the window, his lips turned down and eyes hazy as he was once again in deep thought. Dipper pines. Currently seventeen, he hadn’t changed much in those seven teen years. The only noticeable changes were that he’d grown much taller. His hair still had the same style and length. He’d traded his baseball cap out for the hat Wendy had given him and traded his shorts, red t-shirt and blue vest for some jeans and strangely a blue hoodie. 

His voice had finally gotten deeper but not as deep as his uncles but it was indeed noticeable and a sign of his maturity. His facial features had also matured with time and he no longer had the childish face but a more defined jawline and facial features.

His sister had been the same mainly, her taste in sweaters hadn’t changed. Nor had her taste in fashion. The only thing really changed was that of her hair style which was not more often than not usually in a single long braid. The large star earrings she wore were also new as well as the make-up. 

All that aside you would think with their last year of highschool coming up next year at least one of the brunette’s would have had a love life. Mable certainly had quite a few boyfriends during highschool Dipper had lost count. It seemed none of them could handle her overly enthusiastic attitude. That was fine, none of them deserved her. 

But Dipper was a different case. He had been through middle school and then almost highschool. During all that time he hadn’t one girlfriend. True there were a lot of pretty women in highschool but none of them really peaked his interest, not like they would take an interest in him. He had always had his nose in books, intrigued in novels and real world mysterious. But in all these years there was still one mystery that kept him awake at night. One thing he couldn’t take his mind off, not because he liked it, but because he didn’t understand them.

Bill.

Just thinking of the name put him on edge.

The bus soon came to a stop and before Dipper could properly move away from the window his sister tackled him from the seat behind. “Mable.” He grumbled and the young women only laughed, grinning mischievously. 

“Come on bro bro, we’re here.” As if that weren’t obvious. The nicknames didn’t seem to wither with time either. Dipper grabbed his backpack as he got up from the school bus seat. They’d been here enough times over the summer that they had a lot of their belongings here. Such as clothes, personal items ect. So normally all they had to take on these yearly trips were themselves and if necessary a bag of anything they needed.

In this case Mable chose waddles who had gotten rather big, and for Dipper just his bag filled with things he used for research. He had his own notebook now which he jotted down things into for studies. 

As they got off the bus they were greeted by their uncles each aging with time. Zeus wasn’t currently here, the shack would be opened tomorrow. Tonight they would throw a party to celebrate the twins arriving in gravity falls once again. 

Dipper's uncles or, grunkles, did the usual introduction with the pair. Each welcoming them back, Stanley denying missing them were as Stan openly admitted to missing them. And like every year since Dipper got to highschool they teased him for not yet having a girlfriend in his young life. 

But this year Dipper hadn’t wasted any time in returning their gestures only giving them a small wave before setting off into the woods. This wasn’t abnormal considering every year when the male twin got off the bus he wouldn’t waste a minute in heading off into the woods. Looking for the mysterious the best he could. He would be back later for the party and dinner, Mable would remain with the grunkles.

As Dipper walked deep into the woods, the usual sounds of nature greeted him. Ever Since the incident the weirdness around gravity falls had completely vanished. Of course the people living there were easily fooled, Wendy and Pacsfica aside. Dipper frowned as the memory as he stepped over fallen trees and mossy rocks.

The first time it happened was when he’d returned back to gravity falls when his 14th birthday would be at the end of that summer. He had been so excited to return, to look around and find or discover new things. But he had found nothing...there was never anything strange after that day. No signs of anything either...it was just, nature. Even the animals were normal, no sign of an animal with an extra appendage. Nothing.

It was just….normal. 

And Dipper had realized that day that he had a rather unhealthy obsession, attraction and fascination with that abnormal. While his sister didn’t mind being normal, he didn’t like it. He liked things that were different that were strange and that didn’t belong.

With this his summers here had become mundane, boring, normal. He still liked seeing his grunkles and friends here but otherwise...there was nothing to look forward to any longer. 

Having said all this, there was truly only one thing that remained that didn’t quite belong. 

It seemed to be the last slice of weirdness he had in this world. 

He walked into the clearing that seemed to be lost somewhere in the woods, and yet, he had been able to find it each and every year. Everytime. 

The brunette paused, his eyes looking down at the small statue that stuck out of the ground. It hadn’t moved an inch in all these years, that one large eye still looking at nobody in particular and that hand still being held out. Just waiting for someone to grab it.

Dipped glanced at the hand; he’d never touched it. The thought made his anxiety rise. Even if it was just a statue it was still Bill. But now that he was nearly an adult he questioned if the paranoia was worth it. He was sure at least one child had come through here and shook the statue's hand, and yet..here it remained. And there was no yellow-eyed child running around either nor adult. 

Was it bad of him that this disappointed him? Did it make him a bad person? 

Dipper shook off the thought as he seated himself down across from the statue like he had every year. He sighed, taking his hat off and setting it down on his lap, next he shrugged his bag off allowing it to fall behind him. He stretched his shoulders out, rolling his head around before finally settling his eyes on the statue. 

He glanced around making sure nobody was around like he had done every year. When he deemed the coast clear he returned his attention back to the statue. 

“....Hey Bill.” Dipper began, his voice shaking a little as it always did. Another look around. “It’s me again. Dipper.” A pause and his eyes fixated on the statue. “..Pinetree.” He muttered. “Things have been pretty..normal. Is it weird that that’s boring for me? That normal is boring? I should be happy about that shouldn’t I...but I’m not.” 

Dipper sighed, he never understood why he felt this way especially considering everything that happened. He understood even less why he only told Bill--well his statue--this. Maybe it was because he was afraid of anyone else thinking he was crazy. Afraid that they would deem him to be insane like Bill, a machine of chaos. 

He wasn’t like that..

Maybe he only told these things to Bill because he couldn’t be judged for them. Not by someone like Bill and all the things he’d done. 

“Maybe it is.” Dipper laughed nervously to himself. “I couldn’t tell my parents or anyone back home about everything you did. What our first summer here was like..They wouldn’t believe me anyway, they’d put me into some kinda crazy house.” Dipper ran his hand through his hair. “I should be mad at you for what you did to my family. And I am..” Dipper frowned, staring at the statue in thought. “But I’m also annoyed that you probably took all the weirdness with you when you left. I mean---what am I supposed to do now while I’m here? It was one of the only things that actually got me interested in life and something besides screens..”

Dipper huffed out an annoyed breath. He pulled his legs to his chest, resting his chin on his knees. “And you had to take that away too.”

It was silly to expect the statue to responde, but he did expect it. He had even waited several minutes..just staring down the statue in the eye expecting the yellow triangle to pop out of nowhere and say something to him. To suddenly come to life again and tell him that he’d been toying with him all these years. That he was really back and so was the weirdness. 

But nothing happened….

Dipper sighed, defeated as he slowly got to his feet. “Guess it’s time for me to head back.” The brunette grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulders and setting his hat back on the top of his head. He turned, ready to leave but something prompted him to pause. 

The outstretched hand, the same hand that offered him a deal..One in which Bill screwed him over. One in which screwed Mable over, and the same type of deal that nearly killed them all. 

So then why for the love of god was he even considering touching it? 

Dipper chewed on his bottom lip.. 

Nothing will happen. He assured himself, it was just a statue. Bill was gone..if he had been able to come back he would have by now. There was no point in him wasting all this time when he could have returned and gotten back at all of them. No it was...just a statue. 

Against his better judgment the brunette turned back towards the statue and nervously extended his hand towards the outstretched palm. He swallowed heavily, his mind asking if this was a good idea. His curiosity had won..and his craving for something abnormal to happen again. 

And that one choice was what would change everything…

Dipper clutched the hand tightly not attempting to actually shake it for fear of it breaking off. Nothing had happened just as he suspected. And the disappointment had settled in….

But as he attempted to pull his hand away he found it stuck there….Did someone seriously put glue on it? Dipper tried to pull it again but to no avail he had even stationed his foot on Bill’s face and tried again. Nothing. His hand was really on there and it wasn’t budging. 

His heart raced, maybe he should call grunkle Stan--

Before he could do that a bright blue light emitted from their joined hands. It was the first thing to happen in years and it outweighed Dippers vision. Only a hot feeling engulfing his hand..but it didn’t feel like it was burning. Just warm.

When the light had cleared, Dipper gave one last pull and fell onto the ground. He groaned, rubbing his behind and sat up. The statue was still there...the blue light fading. Without thinking Dipper got to his feet all too quickly. “Bill!?” The words escaped his mouth, in desperation or fear, he wasn’t sure. 

No response. 

He didn’t understand what happened…..that was, until his right arm began to burn. He winced, quickly pulling up the sleeve and there, he saw it. 

The markings...covering his entire right arm from his bicep down to his wrist. Marks of all kinds and at the center was Bill. The marks were glowing a soft blue until they faded into a black looking like a normal tattoo. 

Dipper looked back at that statue, his mouth agape and eyes wide. 

“What have I done..” 

[melchron]

Nightmare Time Episode 3 Thoughts

I usually save this for the end of my thoughts but I have to say this now. OMG MATT DAHAN!!! I WILL NEVER NOT BE IMPRESSED BY HIM! Usually with the episodes I catch 1 or 2 motifs but I swear I caught everyone this time. And they all fit so well. My attention was evenly split between the music and the story this time. It was so freaking good. Matt deserves all the awards like omg.

I think this is the least laggy the theme has been. Good job going all out for the last one!

I said to my mom "Did Shashona record this video?" and she did!! Great cinematography Shashona!!

I also pointed out the Tim's daddy mask. I said "Aww he's wearing a mask for his son!". I guess my mom got confused and forgot Tim's name because she thought I was talking about Dylan's (nonexistent) son.

THE DRILL PRESSES!!

LEX AND ETHAN

I kind of already knew this but I love that Ethan knows cars. I just likes that he has a hobby.

Lex cares about Tom so much I love it.

WHY DID JANE TRY TO KILL ETHAN?!?!?!? TOM DOESN'T WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO HIM!!!! DID SHE HAVE SOME PERSONAL REASONS LIKE WHY!?!??!

That Lexthan interaction was so cute. I love how he saw she was super sorry and scared and he just stopped being mad and comforted her. They are so cute I can't handle it!!

KENDALL!!! Ok so through out this whole thing I know everyone was excited for their favorite character to come back but I really just wanted to see Kendall again. I guess after BF I assumed we would never see her again because I couldn't see them working with children becoming a normal thing. But when the original cast announcement came out I got so happy to see her name. So I was super excited to see her.

Her covering her hair with a beanie looks better than the wig

UNCLE PAUL I'M SOFT I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!!!!!

Cineplex Teen is like Larry from tawog. I guess we should start calling him Obnoxious Teen then. Until we get a name.

I love that Tim immediately likes Becky. Wish I could say the same for my stepparents.

Santa Claus Is Going To High School bb. Also I want to hear the rest of that song. Also also how many wigs does Lauren own?

TONY GREEN

Why must they make love to this movie everytime? Can't we simply just watch it and make fun of like normal people? That way Tim can enjoy it too.

Good for Jane for making sure her son doesn't have to eat disgusting school lunch. She gets good mom points.

Aww Becky reassuring him he's not a Dummy

Becky is like really horny this episode. Honestly Tom's into so go ahead girl

JAIME IS JANE

OK OK OK SO Jane said they were driving home from her parents house. Which means they were still alive when Jane died. That was only a year and a half ago so the Perkins parents might have died more recently than we thought. It's like Spring of 2019 right? So Jane died around Fall 2017. I don't remember if this was said in the show (it probably was and I'm saying nothing new) but I think Black Friday takes place about a year after her death. Tgwdlm took place October 2018. They have to have died only a few months before then. How long had Emma been in Hatchetfield before tgwdlm? Maybe there is a possibility we can see a flashback of an interaction with her parents depending on how long it's been. Also that means Emma lost her whole family in the span of a few months omg. And Tim lost his mom and his grandparents in that time. I want to see how they grieved with all of that. Also I know I'm crossing universes here but Emma also almost died the same day Jane did. Some strange force must really have it out for the Perkins family. Good on Emma for surviving like a champ.

Ok so I thought they went scouting for girls because Jane didn't want the man she loved to have to devote the rest of his life to a car. I thought she was trying to help him move on. She was getting good lover points but those have since been redacted.

Jane is definitely bi and I love that for her. I don't care if she tried to kill her new crush. It was new enough for it to mean nothing.

GREENPEACE GIRL

Tom does look like a creep ngl

Jane reminds us she's a car a lot. Like girl we get it.

No. No. No. NO NO NO NO NO NO NOPE! We're not talking about it. I don't want to. I stared at James the whole and honestly same dude. I saw Nick in my peripheral vision and loved/hated that he was laughing. RIP to me watching this with my mom. RIP to Kendall. Actually rip to everyone who had to sit through that. RIP to Jaime and Dylan for having to perform that. RIP to the cursed rehearsals. Matt and Nick seriously took the time to sit down and write that. What the heck you two?!? This made me more uncomfy than the entirety of mamd and Ted's character combined. I wish I was exaggerating. Maybe this was just me but it felt longer than it needed to. The relief and worry I felt when Tim walked in is a feeling I can not explain. Glad he was clueless.

Tim sweetie I love you but SHUT UP

Jane is crazy and Jaime is doing such an amazing job at portraying that.

Yes Tom. Because grave digging is way crazier than possessed cars.

I asked my mom why the didn't just go grave digging for Jane's body but my mom said the body is probably all rotted and gross so that explains that.

Why didn't Becky just go inside? If she went far enough I doubt Jane would have been able to hit her even if she managed to break into the house. Also let's assume Becky's house had an upstairs. There, perfect safety.

Did Becky seriously die in the same woods as Stanley?

Ok so I thought the tree thing was a reference to little Irish girl Becky from the Black Friday sk10 stream. But now it seems like something more serious and bad happened so I'm curious.

DID JANE GET TOM ARRESTED?!?!? It seemed like she could drive herself at that point. Why not let him get out and get Becky yourself? Is this that self confidence thing Tom talked about?

Is she really about to have her son be obsessed with Ms. Becky for the rest of their lives or is she gonna tell him?

This next episode made me physically jump twice. I say literally a lot but I promise you I'm using it correctly when I say I literally jumped.

KENDALL'S SINGING

I saw the thing about the ukelele being a bday gift from the cast so this was super sweet

Ok personal time. My grandmother's name is Pamela and my mom decided to permanently cut ties with her a few months ago due to her abusive behavior. Me and my sibling are still allowed to talk to her whenever we please but we haven't seen her as much as we used to. I got kind of scared watching this with my mom because I was scared this would trigger something. She didn't say anything and I didn't want to bother her about if she was fine so I didn't say anything. Anyway this just kind of hit different for me.

JAIME'S RANGE OMG

"I want to be alone with my man." Ms what are you about to do to your Tv?

DON'T GIVE HER BEER

Duke seems chill. I like him.

LEX AND ETHAN GOT ARRESTED!?!?!? FOR SELLING HER PILLS!?!??! THAT SHE TOLD THEM TO SELL!?!?!? I HATE HER!!!

Does Ms. Foster have a type or is being male good enough?

Hannah's 14? I thought she was the same age as Tim. I could have sworn in the BF commentary track they said she was 9 or 10. Did my brain make that up?

How does Kim change her hair so quickly? She did this in episode 2 too? I could never. I am very impressed.

Curt and Kim talking over the phone while standing shoulder to shoulder was funnier than it should have been

Ms. Holloway is cool. YAY MOSTLY GOOD WITCHES

How does Ms. Holloway know? I need a backstory please!!

Ok so I saw Jon in his cape and thought he might be the with. But then I saw James in his cape I y'know stopped thinking that. Anyway I'm obsessed with Jon and James in capes. Kind of wish Corey had one too.

OH I JUST THOUGHT THIS AS I'M TYPING NOW ok so that tree she was talking to at the beginning was one of the tree people. I'm embarrassed it took me this long to realise it.

Hannah is way too calm about these talking trees and sometimes spider ladies. I respect that.

There was a lot of black and white theming in this episode. More than normal. It makes me more curious about what exactly Hannah's connection to it is.

Hannah almost died in her own mind. I was kinda hating Ms. Holloway in this moment because she forced Hannah to go into her mind. But I know she had to so I'm cool with her again.

THE STARLIGHT THEATER

Did she really say just don't be scared next time? Like miss some actual advice would help.

CAN MS. HOLLOWAY'S MIND LEAVE HANNAH ALONE?? Like I know you didn't get the reaction you wanted out of her but you're seriously gonna give up and go for a little girl instead. Pathetic.

"What's shakin', Banana?" That was the first time I jumped.

WIGGLY

What exactly is that 6-legged girl? I wish we had a visual. Also how couldn't Ms. Holloway help her? What was her issue? Npmd you got anything for me?

Wiley. Just seeing him come up. That was the second time I jumped.

Also everyone already said this but props to Joey for his commitment. Shaving in between episodes like omg sir you didn't have to go all out for this. But you did and I appreciate you for it. Also HE KEPT THE JACKET?? WHAT!??! Just fully committed to this character go off Joey!!

Usually I would laugh at stuff phasing through the green screen but this just made it creepier.

HOLLOWAY AND WILEY/WILBUR BACKSTORY PLEASE

But also I love how the script had him listed at Wilbur above his lines. I remember Nick called him Wilbur once in the commentary track (possibly by accident) but it's nice to have it in cannon. I don't remember I any of the characters called him Wilbur because I'm so used to seeing Wilbur and Wiley used interchangeably but this was just nice to have canonized.

DUKE PAY ATTENTION!! FREAKING USELESS RIGHT NOW!!!

Dang Wiley she was already being choked in the physical world you didn't have to choke her in her mind too calm down

YAY MORE DOLLS

NICK I WAS KIDDING ABOUT AN APOTHEOSIS DOLL

Is the mouth one (I see we've named him Nibbly. Good because his full name is too long to type out) gonna be the npmd villain? The pick color theme seems cool.

ANGELA'S TRANSITION THOUGH!!! Omg she switched roles seamlessly. And her voice too!! Go off Angela.

MARIAH IS WEBBY

This is random and unrelated but I never noticed how big Mariah's eyes were before.

So Webby and the Doll Gang are all siblings? I find it interesting that the were described to all where black. And Webby's color theme is white. Like how the good and bad ukeleles were white and black. This might sound really dumb see as we don't have a 100% accurate visual of the black and white but I wonder if Webby ever left would it be 100% black? Like if Wiggly went through the portal would it become a little less black? Does this make sense? Also I'm starting to see the black and white as less of a bad place. Its starting to see more ominously neutral.

Hannah's favorite show is He-Man no I do accept criticism.

Ms. Holloway is a nerd. She saw Hannah make the reference and was like "Huh. I f she likes He-Man maybe making this hat a reference will make her like me." She would only know if she watched the show. But then again she seems to be stuck in the 80s so maybe she just thinks that's what's popular with the kids.

MS. HOLLOWAY PLEASE GET LEX AND ETHAN BACK

AND ANOTHER GREAT SONG TO END IT OFF

This episode was......a lot. So much happened. Loved all of it. I am scared of Nick and Matt's minds but also incredibly grateful for them. As usual everyone's acting was top notch.

I love this episode.

Also I'm just gonna say it. Jon ruined Nick's season one reveal.

[a-solitary-marshmallow]

Salt Water in my Veins

Stan had always loved the ocean.

Maybe it stemmed from the countless days he and his brother had spent on the waterfront, building sandcastles and splashing in the shallows and chasing each other with seaweed up and down the beach. Ma had used to joke that they had salt water running through their veins. Which of course Ford rebuked on the principle that it was anatomically impossible for a living human to have salt water for blood.

Ha – rebuked. See, Stan did know some big words. With a brother like Ford you were bound to pick ‘em up. Stan also knew ‘photosynthesis’ and ‘phospholipid bilayer’, though he wasn’t quite sure what the latter meant.

And wasn’t that just the icing on the cake? Of course the only big words he knew came from Ford. Apparently Stan was good at leeching offa his brother. Well, you had to be good at something, right?

The beach was cold and dark. Sand that was once sun-soaked now leeched the warmth from his bare feet as he padded down to the shoreline. Black water barely glinted in the thin beams of moonlight peeking out from behind stringy clouds. The chill breeze sent a shiver down his back.

But even after everything, the rhythmic rush of the waves was soothing. The beach had always been a safe haven – his only one now, apparently, since Pa had been all too eager to give him the boot. Of course the bag was pre-packed. The stingy bastard hadn’t even put in five dollars, too.

Stan gritted his teeth. Yeah, he could crow and bullshit all he wanted – “I don’t need you! I don’t need anyone!” – But what exactly did the world have to offer for a dirt-poor kid with no qualifications, no papers and no job? Hell, he didn’t even have a high school diploma! What was he gonna do, start up a business and become a billionaire? He couldn’t even pass a fucking maths class.

Plus – Stan always managed to screw up whatever he had going for him. Apparently his brother was no exception. He could still see the coldness in Ford’s eyes as he closed the curtains – how had that only been a few hours ago? – and it stung, it hurt like a bitch, and even though he deserved it he couldn’t help but wish like an idiot that his brother would have fought for him.

‘Us against the world!’ Yeah. Sure. Like Ford would need a leech hanging off him for the rest of his life, a freeloader doing nothing but drag him down. This was better for both of them. Stan’s family would be free of him, and Stan… well, he wouldn’t have to listen to that nagging voice in the back of his head that always told him how much of a failure he was.

Stan walked forward into the water.

Icy-cold waves lapped at his skin. The cold burned. He pressed forward and in no time his pant legs were soaked. Every step had the water crawling higher over his waist, then his stomach, then his chest. The ocean sloshed against him playfully – it felt like an elbow to the ribs, an arm slung across his shoulder, a cheerful punch to the arm. It cradled him. He couldn’t even feel the cold anymore. His mouth tasted like salt.

As inky-black water closed over his head and he let the ocean take him, Stan could have sworn that he heard distant shouting.

 Fuck, drowning hurt.

Flickers of thought flashed through his mind like electrical sparks as they broke the surface. He tried to gasp in air and instead got a mouthful of water. Stan hacked and choked and would have sunk back under if not for the hands grabbing him. He couldn’t see. Partially from the dark and partially from the salt and partially from the blinding pain in his lungs, lancing through his body with every rattling cough.

Then there was sand beneath him. Stan collapsed forward onto it, body heaving with coughs. He was so tired. But his body revolted against the near-drowning for him, hurling up what seemed like buckets of seawater that burned his throat on the way out. There were hands on his back and a voice in his ear but Stan couldn’t understand what it was saying.

Finally his body had rid itself of salt water and he slumped numbly. Cold, damp grains of sand pressed against the side of his face and stuck to his lips. The beach was solid and gritty beneath him.

“-ley! Stanley! Don’t just lie there, say something goddammit!”

Ford? His brother’s voice was shrill and cracking with panic.

“LEY!”

“Mmph.” Not very eloquent, but he couldn’t make his mouth work how he wanted it to. Ford let out something that sounded like a sob.

“Thank god.”

Stan was being pulled into his brother’s lap now – cradled, with fingers running through his hair. He didn’t have the energy to pretend to put up a fight. Ford’s clothes were just as drenched as Stan’s but through them he was warm, and he trembled as he rocked them back and forth in the sand.

“Don’t you ever do that to me ever again. Do you hear me? Never again. Oh my god. Oh my god Ley. I almost lost you.”

Maybe Stan was dreaming, because the last time he’d seen his brother Ford hated his guts. Yeah, this was probably one of those hallucinations you supposedly got before you died.

He lifted a wobbly hand to pat Ford’s shoulder and accidentally got his face instead. Not his fault. The world was still stubbornly swirling.

“S’okay.” He managed to slur out. Ford gave a watery, hysterical laugh. “I’ll be outta yer hair, n’ pa w’ll be happy fer once. T’ll be like yer an only child-”

“I don’t want to be an only child! I need my brother!” Ford all but shouted in his ear. Stan whimpered at the volume. Immediately Ford quieted, stroking his hair, running his hands fervently down Stan’s arms as if he needed an assurance that he was there, alive and breathing. “No, shh, it’s okay. It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

“M’sorry I broke your project.”

“I know. I’m sorry too. I know you didn’t mean to break it, of course you didn’t. I was stupid.”

“M’sorry.” Stan whispered again. And then it hit him over the head like a brick – oh shit. Now he’d made an even worse mess. He’d worried Ford and now the nerd was gonna blame himself because that was how Ford thought. And if a hospital found out what he’d done they would contact his parents and force them to deal with him. Maybe he’d even get tossed in the loony bin. Oh god. He’d really fucked up this time.

“I… I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, Ford.” His voice trembled and he gasped for breath. There was more salt water on his face now but this was warm, and it streaked down his cheeks. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’msorryI’msorry-”

“Stan, Stan it’s okay.”

No it wasn’t and it would never be okay, and now he was blubbering like a baby, sobs rattling his tired frame as he buried his face in Ford’s jacket. He whimpered pathetically. “I’m so sorry-”

“Shh, it’s okay.” Ford pressed a fierce kiss to his hair. “I forgive you. We’re – we’re gonna be okay, Stanley. I promise.”

And, well, it was a done deal. Ford never broke a promise.

“We gotta get you warm.” Ford said frantically. It was then that Stan noticed the violent tremors shuddering through his own body. Huh. “We need to get inside. Do you think you can walk? Home is only a few minutes away and-”

The worlds struck a chord with Stan and he reached up desperately to grab Ford’s shoulder. “No! I can’t go back. Pa’ll kill me.”

Ford let out a bark of what wasn’t quite laughter. “Right, right. At least let me take you to your car. And get you some dry clothes. God, Ley, you’re freezing…”

Ford continued to talk, as was his way when he was stressed and frightened. And Stan was content to be held and rocked on a dark, wet beach, with the sound of the waves close by and his brother’s arms around him.