#Sometimes u gotta get back to basics
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tapeworrmart · 2 months ago
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Been replaying gtav (again) to give myself some serotonin and yeah. So. Still obsessed with Mr Philips. Expect more art of him perhaps
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lightblueminecraftorchid · 2 months ago
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What the food pantry on campus does:
- gives me snacks and drinks to supplement my regular groceries, breakfast stuff, maybe ingredients for 1-2 actual meals
What the food pantry is really bad at doing:
- giving me food I can make into proper meals for the week
Oh you want juice? Here’s 2 little juice boxes. Nothing else; they’re limited. You want pasta sauce? 1 can; limited. You want produce? 2 produce item limit, except for the apples which are starting to spoil. You can have all of those. You want frozen chicken? One container only. Oh, they’re all stuck together and frozen? Sorry, you can’t have two; no chicken, I guess. Pasta? One box only. Rice? Two small bags, max. Breakfast bars? Yeahhhh, those are a snack, and you can only have five snacks, total. But if you put those pop tarts back, you could have some! Oh, you want donuts instead? Sure! But that’s a bakery item, and you can only have one baked good, so you’re gonna need to put that bread back. You want ziploc bags? Here, have two. Not two boxes, two bags. Item limits. Sorry. You can come back next week!
How the fuck are people supposed to actually *use* these things for weekly meal planning if there’s not enough to last a week???
I swear I am grateful for these resources I’m sure they’re doing the best they can with what they have I’m just *frustrated*. I’m trying to spend less on groceries bc I can’t really afford them. It’s nice that the food pantry gives me these small portions to last me a couple days. But that still leaves several days with not enough food unless I’m really creative or go grocery shopping, and I simply do not have the energy or time to be really creative.
#blue chatter#yes yes u have pasta noodles that’s GREAT#that’s not a full meal until I have sauce and meat or veggies to go with it#and your produce and meat stock are very limited if they exist#oh you have rice? great! rice on its own is not enough for a meal. what is going Into The Rice.#like obv if I have to I will just eat the pasta or the rice but a lot of the food bank’s stuff focuses on shelf stable staples and not like.#ingredients you can actually make into a full meal. like. protein and fat and vegetables or fruit.#carbs are super important but if you only have carbs then your body is gonna suffer#same if you only have protein or only have veggies/fruit or only have fat. you need all of them.#and like yes. they do have a couple basic staples like peanut butter. if I needed to make a balanced meal I could probably eat a spoonful of#peanut butter and some rice and snag a bag of apples and eat those. and I will do that if I gotta.#but the effort it would take to turn that into a dish I would enjoy and feel full after eating is. so much.#and they don’t have staple ingredients like flour or sugar or eggs#sometimes they have butter. sometimes. they had eggs once but they were rotten.#like I am so grateful for the free food believe me I am but I don’t understand how they expect students who don’t have grocery money to eat#you could get everything they let you take and still go hungry or feel sick from lack of nutrients or be unable to make food bc they don’t#have spoons or the equipment or both#also. the food pantry is SUPER not wheelchair accessible. and the parking situation is DIRE.#why are there only two (15 min limit) parking spots. but 38584847 meter spots. and the closest non-meter lot 10 minutes walk away.#I had a pain flare yesterday from lugging my groceries all the way back to my car. my gosh.#I should not have to pay for the privilege of parking a reasonable distance from the food bank when there’s spots RIGHT THERE UNUSED#nobody goes to this part of campus! everything is closed except for the food bank! why are these meter spots!
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kissingarthurclaus · 1 year ago
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I am not exactly a newcomer, but I still enjoy giving people opportunities to talk about their OCs. So, please take this as a space to talk about Kepler as much as you would like to, if that's alright!! I may not be 1000% familiar with the intricacies of Star Wars, but I'd still be happy to hear ^-^
Hiii omg thank you so much for asking! 😭💖🫶💖 I really appreciate it! And tbh even a basic understanding of star wars is enough to get u thru most of it, what I love about the universe in general is that yes there are lots of rules but at the same time there's no rules at all?? You can do whatever you want as a fan and there's not rly anything ppl can do to stop you 😂
but for people who ARE seeing this for the first time, my star wars s/i is a Jedi Knight and my bff and I worked together to basically make an oc to be her Padawan! his name is Kepler Quinn and he's my perfect beautiful boy that I love 🥺
a lot of his character development comes from both coming into his own as a person through his training and through his relationships to others. He's been through a lot of rejection in his life already, so he kind of put up walls and has to learn to let people through them! Especially my s/i, who decides to dedicate herself to training him and making him see himself the way she sees him: as amazing! He's got a lot of really impressive skills, he's very in tune with the force when it comes to listening to it for insight, he's just not naturally a good fighter. That doesn't get you very far during a war 😅 but she thinks he's perfect! and she, and the other friends he makes are all part of his story.
(ps. here's some drawings of him made by my bff @star-whores69)
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satellitefeed · 2 years ago
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the performance of nostalgia on social media is smth id love to explore more like i just find it so unsettling that theres a niche of ppl on ig and tiktok that spend all their time talking abt what it was like to be a teen 15-20 years ago to the point that theyve made a career out of it like. babe i think at some point ur gonna have to get a real job and accept the fact ur in ur 30s im sorry
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orcelito · 7 months ago
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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merevide · 1 year ago
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#hmm its been an interesting week i suppose#very busy in a good way. but that is always how it starts. i make myself so busy and it feels good and then i wobble and fall out of my body#so im feeling wary. also bc ive been under sleeping more than ususal but im not really tired but im also not boiling out of my skin with#energy. i just feel ok. so thats good. but also a demon in the back of my head is always like: then stay up all night. lets see how far we#can push this. which is not good. and in fact ive been proscribed like basically emergency mood stablizers to knock me out if i start like#losing my mind and not sleeping lol. bc i dont wanna b getting ready for something big and like completely unavailable to control my#ability to think. and ive also been proscribed birth control to get a handke on my fucked up hormones. so we'll see if that makes things#less all over the place. hopefully it works bc im so busy i kinda dont have time to like freak thr fuck out#but i am a lil apprehensive bc like i can count on my hormones to make me feel things when a lot of the time i dont have much emotional#range. so its like fuck finally i can cry abt this. or like fuck this is so beautiful. but then i also cant function sometimes#so i guess i just gotta see what happens. sigh. also the typical frustrating in having to read so much. like ppl hear im dyslexic and r like#oh do u want accommodation? like literally wtf r u gonna do to help me as a grad student? it just takes an agonizing amount of time to#understand thing. i have my computer read to me and i suffer. theres literally nothing else to b done abt it. and fucking next week i have#to teach a fucking lab abt reading scientific papers. they have to read a paper in class. fuck off. those r the types of exercises that make#me feel so fucking stupid. like do this thing right now. read it right here and answer questions abt it. and i fucking read it and retain#fucking nothing. im fucking 26 and literally in my grant writing class i have to apologize to every person before i give them feedback like#lol sorry i can barely fucking read. i fucking cant understand language. its fine but it sucks. theres nothing to do abt it. it just makes#me mad i have to teach a class that would have made me cry as an undergrad. so ill prob hold their hands thru it more than the other TAs#will. bc fuck u im not making them read a whole fucking paper in class. fuck u#plus the frustration of not being able to express myself well in thr moments. like theres a delay in my brain so i feel so dumb when im#trying to convey myself off the top of my head. like give me time and ill write it all out for u i just cant actually process wtf ur saying#to me. also i probably spaced out for a sec so i missed part of the convo lol. frustrating but at this point its just how it is. it makes me#more empathetic when i have to teach i guess. like listen ive got all kinds of fucking learning probs i just wanna help u learn something#how can i help? fucking dyslexia. god. i dont wanna prep for class this weekend. ive gotta show up like yea i kno reading papers is hard at#first but it gets easier! fuck u. its worth the suffering if i enjoy to topic but its always suffering. but thats what i get for going into#academia. thr dr who proscribed me stuff was like well sounds like u have a stress trigger and ur a phd student where life is stress... u#gotta figure out whats gonna work for u. sometimes thats a career change. not in like a pushy way just like: if what u do makes u suffer#then wtf r u doing? and hes got a point. but in contrast to what i was doing this is a massive improvement#well see if its manageable. ugh. i just wanna draw#unrelated
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kiwi · 11 months ago
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everybodys gotta get back into the practice of using pseudonyms online... i remember the time of screen names where u never ever told anyone ur real name and that was just understood as basic internet safety. plus having a screen name is fun because sometimes it sticks so well that it becomes part of ur identity that u can use in whatever facet of ur life you choose. it rocks to pick your own name
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nvuy · 8 months ago
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do u think boothill would be obsessed w readers waist . literally holding it pinching it using it to move them around etc he makes me a little crazy
yup.
always has an arm around your waist. and he always has to call you my man/my lady, otherwise it’s ‘honey’ and i’m not elaborating. he thinks he’s so smooth (dont tell him you can hear the fans whirring below his body). you’re, what, 2 years into this relationship and he’s still blushing at the ears and stuttering when you smile at him.
he can be smooth, sometimes. it’s all in the southern drawl, and also just him being quite touchy in general. has also like, 100% said, “well, hello, nurse” once or twice with a whistle when you walked in the room.
he’s not the biggest hand holder—he doesn’t like his hands at all—so he’d rather just squash you in tight next to him as much as he can.
he’s basically your guard dog. he’s always attached to you somehow, will bark and bite at anything that he doesn’t like coming close to you, and he feels like the king of the world knowing that he, some stupid hunk of scrap metal and junk, bagged you. nobody knows how he did it. he doesn’t even know. sometimes he thinks he’s dreaming.
he’s feel like an absolute gentleman as well, so there’s that too. he’s going to tickle you at any given opportunity, as well as give you a little squeeze. he’s got that sort of cuteness aggression inside him i think. if your back is turned, he’ll pinch your sides and nip at your neck like a puppy. he’s like that.
speaking of your back, somebody’s gotta call the mechanic if you’re wearing a top with a low or exposed back, or if you just take the damn shirt off entirely. he’s like a victorian man seeing ankles for the first time if he sees even an inch of your spine. why are you seducing him like this. please stop staring at him with heart eyes when he’s stumbling over his words.
he can’t join you on beach days unfortunately—sand and water not great for the robo-body—but he will be reluctant to let you leave, considering you’ve got basically nothing on and he wants you all to himself.
he also loves your legs. please swing them on his lap and use his as a foot stool. he won’t even complain. don’t get him wrong, he loves you in formal wear; suit, dress, whatever you want, but by the gods when you wear shorts or a skirt his brain melts.
appreciates nice shoes as well. fancy formal wear sort of stuff. he’s a total sucker for it.
if you wear heels, he loves those too (makes you look taller so rawr) (he will do that cat purr rolling tongue noise i have no clue what it’s called) (also he knows any sort of fancy shoes hurt your feet so YAY he gets to carry you home!!!!!! he wins!!!!!!!!!) (he’ll hold your shoes in one hand and carry you like you’re made of glass. doesn’t matter if you’re embarrassed. to be fair, he thinks you deserve to be carried everywhere. you’re way too ethereal to be touching the floor in any sort of way).
i just like the idea that he’s the biggest most loserish simp in the world. loves his partner more than anything in the world. whipped to all hell. will put a bullet in his head if it would make you smile.
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awrkive · 2 months ago
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Wer is grumpy jk! We badly need it 😫😭
summary: you and jungkook are getting closer, moving forward – but to where, exactly? what does that entail for your relationship? 
w/c: 3.3k
note: this is for all the girlies who asked for part 2 for this drabble. nothing but fluff in here ): ive been thinking abt college jk lately and i lowkey like this grumpy!jk guy… basically this takes place two months after the first drabble u may read this amm for grumpy!jk for a brief bg on what their relationship has become before u go read this parr. anyway the ending is a bit diabolical and im saying sorry in advance
also pls listen to come here by kath bloom, its literally so them 😮‍💨😖
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It’s almost natural the way Jungkook immediately slings his backpack on one shoulder, heads straight out of the lecture hall, and starts the almost ten-minute walk from his department building to yours the moment his last class for the day was dismissed. 
He waits outside by the hallway along the lecture room, scrolling through his phone mindlessly, knowing that any minute now you’ll be coming out of the door. 
And just as a slew of students’ chattering becomes louder, their heavy footsteps coming out from the hall, Jungkook instantly spots you; talking to a friend animatedly – Joy, maybe? – before you look to the other side and finally see him. 
“Jungkook!” You exclaim with excitement, smiling up at him and even doing a little wave. Jungkook watches as you turn to your friend. “Sorry, I gotta go. Zoom meeting at five, right?” He hears you say before she nods, bidding your goodbyes to each other before she goes in the opposite direction while you saunter towards him with that usual dashing grin on your face. 
Jungkook meets you halfway, lips curling up slightly at your enthusiastic greeting. Even more so when you don’t fight off the way he goes for your tote bag, taking it off your shoulder and wearing it on his own, the weight not adding that much to his own bag perched on his back. 
He remembers the first time he tried to do it (awkwardly, might he add), and you vehemently refused. But Jungkook can be persistent sometimes when he wants to, and eventually you gave up trying to resist.
Currently, as you walk along the hallway out of your building, standing close together, Jungkook tries not to think too much about how easy this feels. Like it’s normal the way you immediately interlock your arm around his own, skipping a little bit upon your walk as you begin speaking.
“You really did cut your hair.” You marvel at him when he looks down at you. And he can’t help it; the blood rushing to his cheeks and certainly on his ears. 
“I sent you a picture.” He simply says. It was yesterday. He originally went to his barber for just a trim but he remembers you saying something about a particular actor’s haircut… and look, it’s not like he was trying to look like that man but it may have influenced the decision a little bit… 
Anyway, he thinks it looks okay on him. He trusts his barber and Hoseok said it suits him. From your response, you also said it looks nice. 
And you tell him so. “I like it! You look so good. Especially with this frame!” You point to his eyeglasses, smiling up at him. “I was thinking you were just sending me a random picture last night.” 
Jungkook chuckles. “I wasn't, and uh, thank you.”
“You're welcome. Anyway,” you say, “Did you wait for long earlier? Sorry ‘bout that. Prof. Shin had to extend a little bit ‘cause there were a lot of questions about our new project.” 
“You have a new project?”
“Yeah, but nothing really heavy. Just a hotel lobby interior design. We got a week and it’s a paired task thing, that’s why you saw me with Joy earlier—”
He sees a flock of students ahead huddling by your side of the pathwalk, and because you have a tendency to not really pay that much attention to your surroundings, he takes you by the waist slightly to avoid bumping with them, causing you to stumble closer to him. 
You crane your neck to look behind you for a moment, gaze falling back up to Jungkook with widened eyes. “Sorry.” you say with a jutted lip and a little frown. 
“It’s okay.” Jungkook says with a reassuring smile. He means it. He likes being close like this and if you don’t watch your surroundings, he’ll just do it for you. He doesn’t mind. 
You grin. “Anyway… I was saying, it’s a hotel interior. But! The thing is, it’s a themed hotel, which I’m really excited about ‘cause I’m tired of designing contemporary, luxury ones. They always tend to be so redundant.” 
Jungkook nods. “I think so too. What’s the themed hotel about?” 
“Have you heard of a film called Metropolis?” He shakes his head. You nod at that. “Well, yeah, me neither. At least a week ago. Prof gave it to us as an assignment and it’s a silent film from the ‘20s. A sci-fi tale, so very futuristic – at least for that time. So that’s the theme of the hotel, right, and Joy and I immediately thought of art deco.” 
Jungkook intently listens as you go on about your initial ideas, and he doesn’t even have to worry about the terms he doesn’t understand because you always take time to explain it to him in layman’s. It’s funny, really, because ever since he’s learned that you study interior design and started to talk to him about it, he found himself taking interest in it as well. Two months ago, he couldn't have given a single care about a couple named Charles and Ray Eames and their weird chair called La Chaise, but here he is, anyway.
Maybe it’s because of the way you so passionately talk about it. Your zeal oozes out so much when it comes up as the topic of conversation, and there’s always been something about you that pulls people right in. And Jungkook’s at peace with himself now that he’s just one of those people. 
He’s willing to be pulled right in, anyway. You don’t exactly make it hard to. 
And Jungkook finds that the newfound dynamic between you two isn’t… so bad. He finds excitement at the prospect of seeing you after his classes are concluded, going to Fro-yo for a quick snack because you’re obsessed with it, and studying together at his place later in the day.
A lot of people would say he’s making up for all the times he’s ignored you. The times when he pretended to not care about you. The times when he was just unprovokedly mean and treated you the way he regrets now. And sure, it may have started that way. Ever since your Environmental Science project was finished and the term was over, Jungkook started to feel like he couldn’t go back to the life where you weren’t within his perimeter. Couldn’t imagine you both being back to – practically – regular strangers, so he just… opened up to you more.
He shares his own stories now. Tells you about his day after you do so, and invites you to Fro-yo and other cafes and restaurants around campus whenever your schedules align. 
And maybe at first it was, indeed, because he was trying to make up for his past behavior – but that may have only been what he convinced himself of for the first few weeks. When the week stretched into months and the months suddenly involved you doing sleepovers at his place whenever his roommate, Hoseok, is not around, Jungkook is starting to question himself if this is all still about simply making it up to you. 
Because frankly, he’s starting to feel like it's a little more than that.
He’s not just buying you frozen yogurt and helping you with any assignment (that requires his silly and minuscule math and science expertise) and letting you borrow and keep his hoodies and shirts whenever you sleep over because he’s trying to make up for the past – he’s doing all of these because he genuinely enjoys your company and would like to do more for you… with you… to you… and just… just more. 
He wants more with you. 
And every single day is a daunting battle for his internal mullings. 
Because he knows he’s been stupid all this time not to realize right away that he’s got romantic feelings for you. That his confusion when it comes to you didn't come from the reason that you were extremely extroverted and had way too much energy – it was that those things made him like you and his little heart and brain couldn’t comprehend any of it the way he can easily wrap his head around math equations and concepts.
But he keeps himself on the sidelines. Thinks about keeping himself there until he’s sure of what you truly think about. 
You’re always nice to him. But you’re kind of nice to everybody… so that gets him a little twisted.
On Monday, when you were supposed to hang out – when you usually sleep over at his place, you bailed on him to study with Jae, as per Taehyung's words, your mutual friend.
He just can’t tell if the way you treat him is different to the way you treat everyone else, and that’s what’s been on his mind lately. 
“Oh, Kookie,” you say as soon as Jungkook takes out his keys, going for his keyfob when you arrive at the parking area. He looks at you in question, completely ignoring the way his heart flutters a little at the nickname. He kind of hates it, thinks it's too childish when other people call him that – but with you it sounds so much like an endearment, so he doesn't protest. You press your lips into a thin line before you say, “I can’t go to Fro-yo today. Joy and I agreed to have a zoom meeting later to start conceptualizing.” 
“Oh,” Jungkook blinks. “Rain check?” 
You pout. “Yeah.” 
“You can do it at my place? Hoseok’s doing an all-nighter with his study group, so he won’t be there ‘til the morning.”
“But I didn’t bring my laptop today.”
With furrowed brows, Jungkook steps closer to you. “It’s alright. We can drive to your place, get your laptop then go to mine,” he smiles. “Sleepover?” 
Jungkook doesn’t want to toot his own horn but he may have seen your face light up at that. But it comes off easily and he begins to worry.
“I want to, but I don’t want to impose.” You say. 
Instantly, Jungkook’s forehead creases. “You won’t be imposing.” When he sees that you’re about to decline again, he lets out a, “Please?” 
At that, you stop. You stare at him for a moment. 
“Uh…” you trail off. “You sure? Are you not busy tonight?”
He shakes his head. “I’ll probably start on an assignment so we can be both busy–” you nudge his arm at that, laughing. “– but other than that, no. I’ll cook us something. Or do you want to get take-out instead?” 
“I’d really, really appreciate your black bean noodles tonight.” You muse, looking at him like he holds the stars in the sky. With you gazing up at him like that, how can he say no?
“I think we have the ingredients in the fridge. Black bean noodles it is, then.” Jungkook says before you’re muffling your own squeal in your excitement, saying your little delighted “thank you” when Jungkook ushers you in the passenger seat after opening it for you. 
He rounds the car before he settles on his side, and when he starts the engine, he can’t help but smile slightly at the way you lean comfortably on your seat, as if you’re so used to being in his car – which you are.
And Jungkook finds he likes that. He likes you that way; being used to being around him. 
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“You’re done?” Jungkook looks up from his computer, seeing you doing some arm stretches and leaning into his gaming chair to do it on your neck as well. 
“Yep.” 
“Then come here already.” He shuts his laptop close, places it on the bedside table, and pats the space on the mattress next to him. 
It’s nearly 10pm and your zoom meeting with Joy went for nearly 4 hours. You got on it immediately after you two ate your dinner, and like clockwork, asked to borrow one of Jungkook’s shirts because your top was getting a little too uncomfortable on your body. You’ve both already showered – separately, of course – and that’s one of the many things that Jungkook smiles about when he enters his bathroom sometimes. Because the fact that you shower in his bathroom means your essentials are slowly making a space for themselves in his own place; the yellow cup holder of your toothbrush sits next to his blue one, and a bottle of your moisturizer is also in his lavatory cabinet. 
“‘M so tired” You let yourself fall on the mattress, bouncing a little on it face down, sprawling across the bed like some starfish, your other hand landing on Jungkook’s abdomen. 
“Meeting went well?” Jungkook asks, and he’s a little disappointed when you remove an arm on him, but that’s okay, because soon you’re leaning sidewards to properly look at him and it makes him smile to see you so cozy like this. Barefaced and in his shirt. 
“Yeah, we got some work done,” You say. Jungkook watches as you try to get comfortable on your side of the bed. “I think I’m sleepy now.” 
“Yeah?” He follows after you, and he doesn’t hide his huge smile when you go and turn your back to him immediately after he slides his arm under your neck, spooning you from behind. Snuggling closer to him, Jungkook wraps his other arm around your waist and lets out a contented sigh against the back of your head. “My first class is at one thirty pm tomorrow.” 
“I have one at eight am. Then the next one is at ten.” 
“Tough.” 
“I know… I wish I didn’t enlist in morning classes.” 
He chuckles, closing his eyes as he starts to feel that familiar lull of sleep dancing behind his eyes. But truth be told, he doesn’t want to give into that just yet.
“You were with Jae on Monday?” He asks, carefully treading through the subject. It’s Thursday now. It's not like Jungkook’s a jealous guy… it just kind of threw him off a little, because you didn’t tell him you were with Jae. 
“Uh… yeah?” Jungkook feels you freezing in his arms. “How’d you know?” 
“Taehyung told me.” 
“Oh.” He can practically hear the wince. “He has such a big mouth.” You say drily. 
That earns you a laugh from Jungkook. But he decides to take down the jokes for a more honest and open conversation with you tonight. 
“Why didn’t you tell me?” It’s not accusatory. It’s soft and gentle, the way he asks it, with his thumb rubbing the exposed skin of your hip due to the hem of your – his – shirt riding up. 
Your answer takes awhile. 
“I was… getting help with estimates.” 
“... Okay,” Jungkook tightens his hold around you, growing confused. “But I’m really good with estimates. I could’ve helped you.” It was easy math for him. And you never shied away from asking him for help before… why now?
“Well, he offered.” 
Jungkook’s brows crease deeper. “That’s not…" he trails off, then continues, "You know you can ask me for anything, right? Jae’s not even on the dean's list. How’d you know he’s teaching you the right stuff?”  
Silence hangs in the air before Jungkook hears your laughter. Shuffling in his arms, Jungkook loosens his hold around you to let you turn to him. When he sees your face, there's a huge grin on it.
“He’s not even on the dean’s list?” You sound intrigued.
Jungkook assumed you were curiously speaking, and so he nods, looking into your eyes seriously. “He isn’t. Look, I’m not saying–” when he notices your smile only getting wider by the second, he realizes you’re just trying to fuck with him, so Jungkook cuts himself off, letting out a sigh. “I’m sorry. I sound like an asshole.”
You scoot closer until both the front of your bodies are stuck. Jungkook tries not to think too much whether you’re wearing a bra underneath his shirt or not. 
You shake your head. “Not really. I believe you’re way smarter than him.” 
“Then why come to him and not me?” 
You stare at him for a moment, then you let out a heavy breath. “I just feel like you’re doing so many things for me nowadays. You were also really busy on Monday– don’t deny it–” you say before he opens his mouth to oppose that. He shuts his lips close, listening to you go on instead. “– and I was just being considerate. Jae offered because we saw and sat next to each other at the library, and I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to disturb you.” 
Jungkook blinks, processing your words. After a pregnant pause, he slowly nods, still dumbstruck. 
“Ah… okay. I understand.” he says, embarrassment slowly filling his system. 
You smile at him. Playfully. “Sorry for asking help from someone who’s not on the dean’s list.” Jungkook drops his expression into a poker face at that, which makes you laugh even more. You nibble on your bottom lip before you stretch your hand to his cheek and pinch it. He doesn’t bother dodging your hand. With a giggle, you say, “Sorry, sorry. That was just so funny. You’re so funny without even trying sometimes, you know?” 
“Not really.” Jungkook says and you can tell the tell-tale signs of his grumpiness starting to kick in.
What he doesn’t expect is the way you suddenly squeal and launch yourself on top of him, causing him to lie fully on his back with you sprawled all over his body, hugging him tight and burying your face in his chest. 
“You’re so cuddly and warm. Can we stay like this for awhile?” You break away from his chest and look at him from a low angle. 
Jungkook meets your gaze. 
Sure, you’ve been cuddling (platonically) all these past few months – but they never went to this length. And he’s not sure what the difference is, anyway – just that you’re much closer like this and Jungkook can feel everything. Still, that doesn’t deter him from wrapping his arms around your waist, slightly locking you in the position. Quite frankly, he doesn’t even want you to move. 
“Alright.” Is his simple answer. Not like he needed to think about it.
“I’ll sleep now, okay?” But you don’t wait for his response before you lay on his chest again with your cheek pressed on his hoodie.
Because the moment just feels right somehow, Jungkook lets his hand wander on your head. Then slowly, he lets his fingers comb through the strands of your hair, tentatively at first, lest you didn’t want him touching you or something like that – but once he hears a sound akin to a purr coming from you, he continues and finds himself getting comforted by the action as well. 
“The Jae thing really bothered you?” You ask suddenly, not breaking away from the position you’ve assumed on top of his body. But your words are slightly slurred in the haze of sleep.
Jungkook hums. “Yes.” 
“Sorry for not telling you myself.” 
“It’s okay,” Jungkook reassures you. His gaze falls to the ceiling, hand still caressing your hair. The surface is empty, and there’s not really much going on. Meanwhile, in your own bedroom, you have those glow in the dark star stickers pasted on your white ceiling. He’s never slept over there, but he thinks it would be nice to lay under your makeshift galaxy with your homely scent surrounding the two of you. “Are you not gonna ask why I was bothered?” He says after a beat. 
“I was gonna. But I think I know.” You answer, and Jungkook doesn’t expect that one bit.
He stops his ministrations on your hair, and it’s obvious that you’re about to question it when you suddenly peel your face away from his chest again. 
When you do, Jungkook meets your gaze and with a leveled tone, he asks the question he’s been mulling about for the past two months.
“__, what are we?” 
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mikajunie · 10 months ago
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rediscovering shame and giving yourself compassion (how to deal with shame as someone with ADHD)
this is directed towards my fellow ADHDers who have trouble with reoccuring shame while leads to hindered productivity.
signs that your productivity is hindered by shame (compiled by my own experiences):
you feel negative physical symptoms when you think about your responsibilities
you find ways to avoid the responsibilities
every time you make progress, you feel like you don't ever wanna touch it again
when you present your progress, you feel ashamed of yourself because it's not finished (on time & according to ur standards).
you feel like you are a constant failure. you never win, despite achieving good things here and there.
you are a walking ball of anxiety
you have a fear of being perceived
there's probably more, but eh those are just from my own experiences
below i will write down what y'all should remember, what you can do to help yourself, etc. this is compiled from dr k, my own journaling time, and my firsthand experience from having shame 24/7
some things u gotta remember
shame is what exists in the gap between your ideal self and where you are currently.
your ideal self doesn't have to be unrealistic, it can be yourself when you were at your peak or someone who is very similar to you.
shame brings negative thoughts, because it makes you see progress as a negative thing.
instead of being happy that u made progress, u grumble to urself and ask "why didnt i just do it sooner? im so stupid". it's a reminder of your failures, so u avoid progress altogether.
shame can become a part of you, to the point where you feel uneasy or vulnerable if you dont feel ashamed at yourself
shame doesn't do anything to ADHDers in the long run except self-loathing and hindered productivity.
what should u do?
basically self-therapy, but instead of stopping at why, i try to solve my shame one-by-one.
examine past moments where you felt a LOT of shame. this can go back to elementary. the stronger the emotions, the better. now, write them down. you're probably cringing, but that is good. feel all the cringiness running through ur veins.
why did you feel shame? why did it happen? what did you feel?
reframe your thoughts. instead of immediately running away from it, accept it and justify it. give it compassion. give it a hug. was it your 7 year old self? hug yourself. it's okay to fuck up and do silly things sometimes, and it's okay to have ADHD. it's not our fault.
remember that ADHD is a lifelong nerudivergency, you can't just push it away. coping mechanisms and tools help, but give yourself some grace when you screw up. it's our first time living anyway.
calm your body down. make sure your physical body is doing okay.
now... think of one thing you want to do but can't because of shame and do these steps carefully. think of the reasons why you might be ashamed, and reframe your thoughts.
WARNING!! TAKE IT ONE PRESENT ACTION AT A TIME. don't do this for every action you want to take, let your body slowly learn that it's okay to make progress despite the shame you feel, and you are allowed to feel compassion for yourself.
train your body to accept compassion slowly. life is tough with ADHD but it's even tougher knowing that shame will get in your way. give yourself a break, it's fine to fuck up, we all go through different things anyway. even if it's not fine, you will learn and make those mistakes a lil bit lesser in the future.
ok hope this helps.
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upmost-rylan · 3 months ago
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S/O DATING THE CREEPYPASTAS *✧⁺˚⁺ପ(๑・ω・)੭ु⁾⁾
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Author's note:
This was just supposed to be a #Rylan Rambles but u h I may have gone too far. So THIS IS MESSY SINCE I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. so please don't expect anything good, I am good at art not story things.
T.w.:
for Eyeless Jack's part is cannibalism ofc
Jeff the killer
Jeff's type is very motherly like he loves a partner who's sweet but will basically drag him by the ear and lecture him for being a bitch. he is loving and sweet in his own way BUT you do have to have thick skin. at least for a while. he'll be throwing every insult in the book at you trying to get you away from him. he is scared of being vulnerable. So as he figures out his emotions it'll definitely be rough for a while and if you play into the "bit" and insulting him back, HE'D BE BLUSHING thinking you know how he feels. Be prepared since that'll be you two's love language! But for anyone who wants a relationship with this man there will definitely be some obstacles with him not being able to properly communicate his emotions in a healthy manner, his anger issues, the fact that this is probably his first ever relationship so it'll be rocky no matter what you do. But when you get over those obstacles and you are still there holding his hand with a smile you'll have a boyfriend FOR LIFE. Also become a sweetheart for those who love the idea of Jeff being soft to his partner.
Eyeless jack
His type to me personally is someone who treats him like he is a normal human being. That's it that's the one thing that'll make him fall head over heels in LOVE with you. But bonus points if you like to crack jokes and puns those ALWAYS make him laugh! He is a simple demon. However, THIS relationship is very much a MESS for at least the first half of it, you're in a relationship with a giant fluffy demon who eats human flesh did you expect it to be normal? This relationship is definitely a game of tug of war of him wanting to basically make you his dinner and wanting to keep you around because he loves you. You'd have to walk a really thin line to make sure this demon doesn't take one of your kidneys. But after a LONG while he'd start to actually act normal for the MOST part. Listen, I love to imagine this guy to be VERY creaturely. you know this if you have seen my design of him after a one or two years of being around you and not eating you; he leave a corpse (whether it's human or animal up to you) at your door like it's some gift from one giant cat.
Tim Wright/Masky
Tim/Masky's type is very "wife"-like if that makes sense (I headcanon him to be Bi-romantic Ace-spec so gender doesn't matter) like Tim to me loves the idea of having the white picit fence dream! it lets him feel like he's normal even for abit. Loves the idea of coming home from work to hug his partner from behind as he watches them cook dinner. Very domestic very demure. To most he's a pretty rough guy considering Masky but to me he's definitely a softy. compliment him and he'll be putty in your hands. 10/10 would 10000% smooch. But you two definitely sometimes have some trouble especially when Masky takes over. With that one YOU WILL N O T be able to sleep. every time you try to sleep be prepared to be shaken awake because masky finds it funny to startle you awake.
Brian Thomas/Hoodie
Listen we had Tim now we gotta do Brian, THEY ARE TWO PEAS IN A BOD YALL👏. His type to me personally is just a funny good vibes person, who loves being on the go and not in one place for too long. Now, this relationship is basically MADE OUT OF POSITIVE VIBES. Brian to me is definitely the type to praise his partner AT ALL HOURS OF THE DAY he is a absolute sweetheart. You'd also definitely love him if you like nature walks and hikes. You definitely had to be the first to confess though because if you didn't this situation would definitely be just mutual pining. Also definitely the type to always be following behind his partner since I like to think bro is a TALL man, he wants you to see whats Infront of you and not block the way. His nickname for his partner something nature relationship "duckling" "lil mushroom" "sunshine" or something similar!
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ghostwritermia · 9 months ago
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Jegulus x reader request?
Where the reader is also a quidditch player and basically she is in hufflepuff/ravenclaw and their team wins, but one of the boys get mad preferably regulus and reader gets upset james comforts her. Basically angst to fluff
P.s u don't have to do it, I hv been writing a poly moonwater for a week and haven't completed yet. Ik writing is hectic
Lots of Love, babe
Hi Hi! Sorry this took so long. I was in a writing slump...
Anyhoo. Here it is, I hope you enjoy!
totally didn't feed my overdramatic personality into this...
No warnings I can think of? Overthinking? Getting lost in your thoughts? Tears?
Poly!Jegulus x ravenclaw!reader
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You were absolutely elated when you found out you had been assigned the captain position.
Sure, you were on a team that normally didn't win, but you were fine with that. You enjoyed the sport, the crowd, the family your team became, the community and environment.
It was the last game of the season and your team had finally won against Slytherin. Earlier in the season you had led your team to victory against Gryffindor. So, with one boyfriend left to beat, you had finally done it today, but apparently it had come with a price to pay.
As you were being crowded and tackled by your team you peeked over your best friend's shoulder, seeing Regulus storming off. And with that, your mood instantly dropped. 
You slipped an easy smile back onto your face as you hugged the rest of your team before slipping off into the changing tent and then back to your common room. 
You understand that Reg wanted to win his last game of the season, you did. But, it was your last game too, and only the second game you had been able to win that season. Shouldn't he be proud of you too?
When you finally made it back to your dorm, you quickly slipped into one of James's shirts (which were huge on you), and a pair of sleep shorts, before curling on in an armchair, pulling your knees to your chest and a blue fuzzy blanket up to your chin.
You didn't know how long you sat there. You also didn't know when James had slipped into the room, not even realizing he was there until he gently wiped tears away from under your eyes with the pads of his thumbs.
You startled, eyes lifting to meet his, to see sorrow swimming in his gaze. “You just gotta give him time, darling. You know how he gets about these things, he’ll come around.” James swiftly picks you up and takes your place in the armchair before resting you back into his lap.
You sighed, curling into his side, resting your forehead in the crook of his neck. “I know, it’s just hard sometimes.” You sniffle into his shirt, and he tugs you tighter against him.
“He will come around darling, I promise.” He says, leaving a gentle kiss to the top of your hair.
You lose track of time as you get comfortable, cuddling into James (stealing all of his warmth), yet he doesn’t complain. You smile into his shoulder as he starts running his fingers through your hair. You playfully bite his shoulder; he tugs on a strand of your hair in reprimand.
You had started to doze off when the door creaked open and James spotted Regulus’s head peek in. He gently tapped your shoulder and when he had gotten your attention, pointed to Regulus.
Your gaze met the stormy gray of Regulus’s before you looked away, finding a loose thread of your blanket far more interesting.
“Mon Amour, I’m so so sorry.” Regulus rushes over to you, crouching down in front of you. “My mind blanked, and I didn’t think before I walked away, and I’m so sorry.” He grabs your hand, pressing a kiss to the back of it before running his thumb along the back of it.
You frown, your eyebrows scrunching and slide out of James’s lap and onto the floor next to Reg. “It’s okay, my love. I understand what it’s like to have loads of pressure on your shoulders, I do too. It can overwhelm you at any moment; sometimes it can even come when we don’t want it too and take control of our actions.” You say wisely. “You had a moment, it happens to the best of us. You may be a wizard, but you are still a human. Bound to make mistakes for the rest of your life,” You remind dramatically, talking with your hands. Regulus laughs, his eyes lighting up again and grabs your hands, holding them stationary.
“I’m glad that you forgive me, mon amour, but you are over dramatic.” Your boyfriend dressed in green states.
You scoff as James slides down from the chair to sit with the two of you on the floor. “I love this make-up session you two are having, but you both are full of crap.” He tugs you both into his sides, one arm wrapped around each of you.
Regulus turns his head, biting James’s hand as you dramatically raise your hand before swatting him on the back of his head.
James quickly pulls his hand away from Regulus, retracting his hold from the two of you and holds the back of his head. “Hey!” You both turn your head and blink at him feigning innocence. “This is not attack James day.” 
He smiles, teeth flashing. You dramatically cover your eyes, faking passing out; falling back from your sitting position and onto your back. “Ah, too bright. Can’t see. James you’re blinding me, can’t you see? Because I sure can’t.”
“Regulus was right. You are so over dramatic.” James rolls his eyes before leaning towards you and pulling your hands away from your eyes and pulling you into him.
“I. Am. Not.” You pout, crossing your arms and leaning out of James’s embrace.
Regulus leans towards you smiling and kisses your forehead. “Yes you are.” He whispers, tackling you to the ground, tickling your sides. “You are dramatic, and I love you for it.” You grin and Regulus gives you a skeptical glance as you turn and smile at James.
Before Reg could blink he was pinned down to the ground; roles reversed. James had his arms pinned to the ground as you straddled his hip, returning the attack of tickles that he had been serving you.
“You lose, Reggie.” You state in a sing-song voice, giggling.
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hoshifighting · 4 months ago
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HELP ME!!OMFG GGJFHC OKAY SO I GOT THIS ONE THOUGHT IN MY HEAD SEEING THAT I READ YOUR WONWOO AND JOSHUA THREESOME!!! (WHICH BTW IS REALLY FUCKING GOOD ) BUT AT THE PART WHERE IT SAID THAT JOSHUA AND WONWOO WAS BOTH REALLY CLOSE TO CUMMING I HAD THIS VISION WHERE JOSH IS FUCKING YOU AND HE IS SO SO SO CLOSE TO CUMMIN AND IS SO WHINY ABOUT IT LIKE A WHIMPERING MOANING MESS (I LOVE WHINY BABYBOY JOSH) SO YEAH SEEING THAT YOU'RE A REALLY GOOD WRITER MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS TO ASK YOU BECAUSE YOU WOULD SEE MY VISION AND BRING IT TO LIFE ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS MAKE HIM SUPER DESPERATE AND WHINY AND BASICALLY A MOANING MESS
And oh BTW are you bi (just asking for a friend)
warnings: smut, babyboy whining mess!joshua.
a/n: yes i am, bi pride all day, hope your friend is happy dsoiasdhishd 🙃
hmm moaning mess joshua that you definitely CANT fuck with in public because of his loud ass? FUCK YES! like, the man does not know how to be quiet, and honestly, you kind of love it. there’s been so many times you’ve had to cover his mouth or beg him to keep it down because the walls in your place are way too thin, and your neighbors? yeah, they’ve had enough of his 1 a.m. symphonies. but the second you tell him to shush, he gets all flustered, blushing like crazy, mumbling, “sorry, baby, i’ll try,” but it never lasts. like, two seconds later, and he’s right back to being a whimpering mess, burying his face in your neck, trying and failing to keep it together.
and the thing is, you’d think he’d be the shy one, right? but nah. he loves the idea of getting caught, even though he’s always so embarrassed after, stuttering through his apologies when someone hears you two. you’re touching him, teasing him just a little, and he’s already making those soft little noises, all breathy, like he can’t even help himself.
you remember one time, exactly 3 a.m., because you were wide awake, trying to calm him down. your neighbor had already banged on the wall twice, and you were trying to be good, keep things low-key. but joshua? nah. you were barely touching him, just running your hand down his chest, and he was already gasping, hips jerking up into your touch like he was starving for it. and you had to be like, “josh, you gotta be quiet, seriously,” but he was biting his lip so hard, trying to keep it together, and failing so bad. he just looked up at you, all wide-eyed, breathing like he’d just run a marathon, and whispered, “i’m sorry, i just— i can’t help it.” and then boom, he’s back to moaning into your neck, trying to muffle the sounds but doing a terrible job at it. like, you swear he wants to be caught sometimes. his hands are gripping the sheets so hard, his body trembling, and every little thing you do makes him fall apart even more. you’re barely even teasing him, but every time your hand slides lower, he’s whimpering, like actually whimpering, all desperate and needy.
he tries, he really does, but the moment your lips brush his collarbone or you move a little too fast, it’s over. and public? god. he’s a nightmare in public, but the best kind of nightmare. like, it’s a thrill for him, but he’s so bad at keeping quiet. you’d be out, somewhere so normal like the back of a car, and he’s already panting, eyes darting around like someone’s gonna catch you two, but you know he loves it. he’ll try to hide his face, but the moment your hand slips under his shirt, just a little, you’ve got him trembling again. his breathing’s all erratic, and you can feel him trying to hold back, but it’s not happening. and you’re teasing him, whispering, “u really can’t stay quiet baby?” and he’s just shaking his head, a soft little whine escaping his lips before he finally loses it. it’s always the same—he starts out all shy, biting his lip, cheeks burning red, whispering “i’ll be good, i’ll be quiet,” but it never lasts. you press just the right button, and suddenly, he’s a wreck, moaning so loud you’re half-worried someone’s gonna hear. but at the same time? you love it. you love how he can’t help himself, how he’s so lost in it that he forgets where you even are.
you remember that one time in the kitchen, it was early in the morning, like, nobody should’ve been awake, but there you were, kissing him against the counter. and you weren’t even doing much, just running your hands under his shirt, feeling his abs tense under your touch, when he let out this softest, neediest sound. and you had to stop, look at him, like, “seriously? here?” and he just nodded.
you were trying to be nice, trying to keep it slow, but the more you touched him, the louder he got. “you gotta be quiet,” you said, but he just whimpered, nodding, trying to bite his lip again but failing. and every time your hand moved lower, you could feel the tension in him, the way his body was practically begging for more. he was trying so hard to keep it together. and then it happened—he let out this loud, shaky moan, and you had to cover his mouth with your hand, whispering, “joshua, seriously, someone’s gonna hear.” but he just groaned into your palm, eyes screwed shut, hips bucking up into your touch. and honestly? you love that about him. that no matter how much he tries to be quiet, he just can’t. you’re the only one who can turn him into that moaning mess, into someone who’s so lost in you that nothing else matters.
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suzukiblu · 4 months ago
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Thank-you sentences for u-h-h-g-h behind the cut; Billy adopts Conner and it actually goes pretty good! (( chrono || non-chrono ))
. . . wait, actually, is he gonna have to start reading biographies and historical stuff? He’s a dad now. The other dads are gonna expect him to know stuff about the Civil War and World War II and, like, lawnmowers and how to grill, aren’t they. His dad didn’t even grill, Mom did! Dad always got distracted by his book or something and let the hot dogs burn! 
Billy is not optimistic about his capacity to mow a lawn, though at least they’re in an apartment. Like–probably somebody handles that, right? That’s gotta be a thing, doesn’t it? 
. . . he should check with Batman about that, maybe. 
. . . . . . and also figure out what the wisdom of Solomon knows about how grilling works. 
Or, uh–work on the focus thing, maybe. Definitely the focus thing. It’s just–it all feels like so much, and Billy doesn’t wanna mess up and wreck Lynn’s whole entire life and make him miserable forever or ever make him feel like any of those foster “families” and social workers ever made him and just about all the other kids he knew in the system feel or– 
Billy wonders if he could maybe find a god to talk to about asking to borrow, like, the forethought of Apollo or the precision of Arachne or the strategy of Ariadne or something sometime (though definitely not the concentration of Atalanta, because one golden apple and he’d be right back where he started). Like if he could maybe swap it out with the stamina of Atlas or the courage of Achilles when he needs to, that’s all. Just when it’s, like, situationally useful or whatever. 
. . . he’s really not doing a good job with this focus thing at all, yeah. Which he’s pretty sure he’s thought a few times now already, too, just–
He’s just really nervous, still. He’s really glad Lynn doesn’t hate him or think he’s lame, but he could still totally do something that’d make Lynn hate him or think he’s lame and–
Focus. 
“Want me to serve?” Billy offers, pointing at the plates. “I mean I know I don’t know how much you need to eat yet, but neither do you, and I’ve seen a lot more people eat than you have, sooo . . .” 
“. . . you’ve seen Superman eat?” Lynn asks, looking–uncomfortable, briefly, and looking down at the plates in his hands. Billy’s gonna have to start finding stuff for him to look at instead of people, he’s pretty sure. Like, little puzzles Lynn can be messing around with or little crafts he can be doing or something, so people just figure that’s why he’s not making eye contact with them and not, like, him being antisocial or something. 
“Oh, yeah, tons of times,” Billy says, since that’s a valid question and all, considering actually the way big majority of the people he’s seen eat were human and Lynn is actually not, so actually that might not be helpful anyway. Superman’s diet would be way more useful to know about. But the problem there is–“But like, I don’t ever really know if he really needs to be eating or if he’s just doing it to be polite? ‘Cuz I do that sometimes, definitely. But also sometimes it’s just ‘cuz something looks good? So yeah, I dunno. I’ll have to ask him when I get a chance, maybe I can catch him after the next League meeting. Or I guess I could email him, I guess that’s a thing . . .” 
He doesn’t really use his League email or messaging accounts or anything like that, like, basically ever, but Batman did give them the phones and all, so he’s not gonna have to go to the library to do it anymore, sooooo . . . 
Lynn doesn’t say anything; just keeps his eyes down and on the plates he’s still holding. Billy tries not to frown. Lynn doesn’t talk much or make eye contact all that much, so far, so it’s not like it’s new. Just–he doesn’t know, really. He’s still got this weird feeling like something’s wrong, all of a sudden. 
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grapejuicebrat · 5 months ago
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"I love you, i’m sorry”
PAIRING: rafe cameron x reader
SYNOPSIS: could you love me at my worst?
SUMMARY: part 2 of “i miss you i’m sorry”. basically it’s a story about rafe trying to be better just for you. even tho you broke up a few months ago.
WARNINGS: heave angst, mention of addictions, swearing, a happy ending i guess, some smut like you touching each other, grinding and kissing.
NOTES: rafe is such a babygirl again!
my masterlist
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“I love you, i’m sorry”
“We’ve been here before, Rafe. You promised me”.
“I know, and uh, I’m sorry, okay? I just can’t do this”
“I know. But you promised me something”
“Alright, yeah. Sure. Well, tell me something about you.”
“You have something specific in your mind?”
“How is your job?”
“I proved to kooks that a dirty pogue can be so much more than just a piece of shit. I’m not a waitress anymore, I’m the manager now. Fuck, i’m so excited for this”.
Rafe can tell you are smiling right now. So he is. He is really proud of you because you really deserve this. You’ve worked for this days and nights, telling Rafe almost every day about how your work is so stressful. But you love your work and you love people. This job was made for you.
“You’ll never be a dirty pogue, baby. You deserve this. I’m so happy for you”.
“Baby?”
“Shit, i’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Well, no, I mean it, I just, uh… I forgot that you’re no more, um-m, my you know. You’re not my baby anymore”
Saying it out loud was so much harder than just thinking about your break up. Sometimes Rafe would even forget about this. But then he remembered and realisation cuts deeper than a knife could.
“Chill, Rafe. Wanna know a secret?”
“Sure, what is it?”
“I still have a habit calling you in the middle of the night when i can’t fall asleep”
“You do know that you can call me wherever you feel like you need me?”
“Sorry, Rafe I gotta go. Bye”
You quickly hang up not even waiting for Rafe to say goodbye.
And then Rafe got a feeling that you’ll never need him again.
“Everything in this house belong to you. Even this fucking pillow belongs to you. That’s why Rafe secretly loves to hug this thing in the middle of the night. Part of him still remembers how Rafe used to hold you through the night, protecting from everything.
Sometimes Rafe would think that this is scary. How easily he would give up on anything just to be with you again. He refused doing drugs again, trying to be better. Rafe still tries to help his dad with business and he is doing his best not to mess up everything. Again.
This is scary how easily Rafe would choose you over his family. Because you were always here instead of his family who refused to believe in him. You were here when he wanted to give up on everything. He opened his rest to you and you were so grateful for this. Rafe could tell it just by the look in your eyes. Your eyes were shining with love and stars.
And that’s what Rafe dreams about. Just to see you smile once again. To hear you laughing and complaining about his mean jokes. To see those beautiful doe eyes. shining just for him.
How bad Rafe wanted to go to the restaurant you’re working in, but god knows it’s damn hard to realise that you’re doing just fine without him. You want to move on and it’s not your fault that he can’t do this without you. Of course he wants nothing more than just to hold you like he used to. On the other hand, he doesn’t want to fuck your life up just like he fucked up his own life.
Rafe can’t completely give up on you, because in the back of his mind he still believes you’ll get your second chance to do it all over again.
“Hey, u-uh, god it is so damn hard not to call you baby again” Rafe nervously laughs, holding his phone with shaky hands. “Do you think you’ll have five minutes after you’re done with work? I need to tell you something”.
It was an hour ago and you still didn’t reply. Of course you are a busy girl and you don’t have time for this crybaby but fuck, Rafe could swear on his life that it is so damn hard not to check his phone every five minutes in case you replied to his voice message.
“Sorry, didn’t have time to check my phone. Sure thing we can catch up. Are you in trouble?”
“No-no, don’t worry. Just want to tell you something, but I don’t want to just send you a message, you know?”
“Yeah, I understand. See you then”.
“Yeah, see ya”
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Seeing you again was a biggest mistake Rafe have ever made. Your eyes were shining with happiness and your smile made Rafe remember why in the first place he fell in love with you.
Your smile.
The way your smile still makes Rafe smile back. The way your laugh makes his stomach do backflips when Rafe speaks to you. You’re the first thing Rafe thought about in the morning.
“Thank you for reminding what butterflies feel like” Rafe suddenly says, hugging you tightly. Feeling your skin under his fingertips was like some new kind of drug. Rafe couldn’t even describe how bad he missed feeling your soft body in his strong arms. He can’t even describe how bad he wants to kiss a top of your head now like he used to. It’s not like he has any right to do it though.
“I missed you, Rafe” you sigh, wrapping your arms around his waist. As long as you can remember, from the very beginning, you were literally obsessed with your height difference. Rafe is so much taller than you, so you could hug Rafe and literally get into his body. Rafe brings you so much comfort just by his presence. Yeah, he still does. Even if you’re the one who broke things up, you still missed him. You still have this stupid habit telling “I love you” to the photo of you and Rafe, hanging on the wall next to your bed.
And you still don’t want to change this habit. That would mean that your relationship is fully gone and you have to let Rafe go. To let him move on, because he deserves this. And no matter how selfishly this sounds, you didn’t want him to move on without you.
“Y/n” Rafe whispers, still not letting you go.
“Yeah?” you speak into his chest, trying not to break into tears.
“You know, this break up made me realise that uh-uh, that.. that i can’t do this without you. When I first met you, I honestly didn’t know you were gonna be this important to me. But somehow I fall in love with you and I can’t forget about you, about us. There are a lot of things we used to do together and I can’t stop doing them because it would mean the end. And call me selfish, baby, but you made me a better person. I quit drugs, I work with my dad. You know, a year ago I would say that you don’t even need a job but now I understand that it’s your life. Your decision. You love your work and I have no right to tell you what to do. The only thing that matters to me is you. Please, baby, come back to me. Give me a second chance. Please.”
You were listening to Rafe and still, you lost your ability to speak for a good minute. He really did change, like he promised. But still he is your Rafe. The same boy, you fall in love with when he hated all pogues but you. Meeting you changed his vision. Meeting Rafe changed your life and turned it upside down.
And honestly, you didn’t want to change your life again.
“God, I fucking love you, Rafe”
And you grab his face, finally smashing your lips against his. Even if he wanted this to be so delicate and sweet, you made this kiss feel like a hungry, animalistic kind of one. You grabbed each other by neck and arms, not wanting each other to let go. Your hands made their way to his buzz cut and god you missed feeling this sharp feeling under your fingertips.
His hot tongue is dancing with yours, exploring your mouth and teeth. You moan into his mouth, already feeling a little wetness in your panties. Sometimes you hate how easily Rafe can make you beg for his cock, or fingers, or mouth but now… you were fucking thankful for this.
Your hands slide under his t-shirt, exploring his chest like you’ve never this before. His veiny hands grab your ass with such passion and you feel like you can come even right fucking now.
In the twilight room your fingers caressed each other's skin as if afraid a heavier touch would break the heady magic. You became one, one mind with one goal and purpose, each utterly drunk with love for the other.
Rafe's finger tips are electric, they must be, for wherever they touch your skin tingles in a frenzy of static. As his hands move over your skin your body has a transitory paralysis, your mind unable to process the pleasure so fast. His head moves around to your left ear and he whispers what's coming next. Suddenly your body is off pause-mode and you pull back for a kiss that's both soft and hard. Both of you move in an intoxicated dance of limbs, never making the exact same moves twice, not in the decade yo’ve been lovers. He's your cat-nip, you are his whiskey on ice.
“I missed your body, baby. Fuck, I fucking missed you.” Rafe whispers, starting to kiss your neck and collarbone, gently massaging your boobs. You tried to grab his neck or hug his back with your hands and it feels like you are genuinely scared of loosing him again. Your legs wrap around his thighs, bringing Rafe close to you.
“I love the way your breathing changes as soon as I touch your body”
Rafe grins and smashes his lips against yours in a loving kiss.
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“I waited for you my entire life and you were worth every minute”
basically this is the end. hope you liked it!
TAG LIST: @maybankslover
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