#Sometimes self care is letting the 12 year old You in your head go absolutely ape shit on the people from her past :) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hwxnghyynjin · 2 years ago

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Rose Coloured Lenses

Pairing: jaemin x reader Genre: friends to lovers!au, slow burn, angst, fluff, suggestive Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, implied sex, mentions of throwing up, Haechan is an asshole, slapping Words: 11,136

Life is unpredictable. You never know what is going to happen, whether it be the future or the present day, and that’s in both negative and positive situations. Life can go one of two ways: you try your best and work to the best of your ability, getting your dream job and living your best life with your loved ones. Maybe have a significant other and get married, have children (whether that’d be adopt or make your own).

Or life can go horribly wrong. You don’t try and end up becoming this really shut off person to the world, constantly feeling worried about everything and not sure what to do with your life, so you end up turning to doing drugs to take the edge off, or drinking alcohol every night, waking up the next morning not being able to remember what you did due to getting wasted.

You never know the people who you meet in your life will be your best friend, your acquaintance, or your worst enemy. In this case, the brown haired 4 year old with chubby cheeks will, hopefully, end up being your best friend for life.

You saw the boy sitting in a sandbox, waddling your small self over to him. He had a bucket and spade, shovelling some sand into said bucket. It looked like he was trying to make a sandcastle, so you were careful not to scare him.

The young boy felt someone in his presence, lifting his tiny head up to see a young girl with chubby cheeks and big eyes, who looked around the same age as him. He gave a big smile, like his mom told him to whenever he saw someone approach him. He smiled cutely, showing his teeth. You smiled back at him as you waved, introducing yourself in your small, high pitched voice.

The boy in front of you introduced himself as Na Jaemin, his cute high pitched voice ringing in your ears. He let you join him in the sandbox, moving your little legs into the box, sitting beside him. While everyone else was playing in the playground, you and your new friend were by yourselves, playing in said sandbox, trying to make sand castles.

You went home that day telling your mum about the nice boy you met, getting all excited about your new friend. Your mum smiled down at you, seeing you all happy. You were excited to hang out with your new friend when you go to school tomorrow, and for the future days ahead.

As you grew older and you hit the age of 12, you and Jaemin were finally both neighbours. You used to live a few minutes away from each other, but his family ended up moving right next door, which you absolutely loved. You went to the same middle school, catching the bus together, both of your mums seeing you two off each morning.

You were never seen without the other, unless you were home. Then again, you’d hang out after school too. Sometimes, you’d even have dinner together at each other's houses. Like for example, every Saturday, you either go to Jaemin’s house or Jaemin goes to your for dinner, and it rotates every week.

As you got older and got through high school, your mental health decreased due to exams and stress, and it put you into depression. Luckily Jaemin was there to help you. He didn’t really care about his own mental health since he cared more about you than anything else. Whenever you were having a breakdown, Jaemin was there. When you couldn’t handle studying and just wanted to get away, Jaemin was there, and he would take you somewhere quiet. You were thankful for Jaemin during that time in high school, and he was thankful for you too, but you never actually told each other that, but you didn’t need to.

As you both hit 18 and you were in your last year of high school, you couldn’t be happier. You couldn’t wait to graduate and apply for your university of choice, and hopefully get your dream job. Jaemin, however, wasn’t as excited as you. You could tell the moment you stepped out of your house one morning and saw him.

It was a warm, breezy Saturday morning during the middle of March and you were going to spend the day with Jaemin, as usual. You skipped out of the house, a smile on your face. That smile soon faded as soon as you saw Jaemin, who had a small frown on his face.

“What’s with the frown?”, you asked as soon as you were standing in front of him, Jaemin’s hands in his pockets. “Oh it’s nothing”, he said, not sounding convincing, making you frown. “Come on, you know you can tell me, you know? It’s obviously something since it has you frowning”, you said as you were walking along the pavement. Jaemin sighed because he knows you’re right.

“It’s just… it’s our last year in high school and, what if we don’t end up in the same university? What if I never see you again? You’re literally the only friend I’ve ever had and I don’t want that to end”, Jaemin said, his voice sounding sad. It looked like he was about to cry so you didn’t even think before you hugged him, startling him. But he didn’t push you away. In fact, he brought you closer as he ended up crying into the crook of your neck.

You stayed like that for a while, just standing there while Jaemin cried. His crying finally ceased, sniffles escaping him. He lifted his head from your neck and looked at you, his bottom lip quivering a bit. “You ok, now?”, you asked him, to which he nodded his head. “Whatever happens in the future, we won’t lose contact, ok? Remember the promise we both made?”, you said as you put your pinky out, making him smile.

He linked your pinkies together and said, “best friends forever”, and you both giggled. “Whether we both go to the same university, or different ones, I won’t forget you. You’re too cute to forget”, you said without thinking, making Jaemin blush. “Y-you think I’m cute?”he asked as you widened your eyes. “I uh- bye”, you said as you ran off, Jaemin running after you.

The day went on as normal, the incident of calling Jaemin cute long forgotten. You did nothing extreme, just went to the park and talked about anything that came to your mind. You have other friends, but none of them make you laugh or smile as much as Jaemin.

It was graduation day, and you were feeling nervous, yet excited. You were in the middle of getting yourself ready, your outfit laid out on your bed. You were sitting at your vanity table, putting makeup on when you heard a knock at your door. You gave the person a signal that they could come in, and the door opened, revealing Jaemin. He was dressed in a simple black suit, and his pink hair was slicked back. You would be lying if you didn’t think he looked handsome because honestly, when you saw him, your breath hitched.

You didn’t realise you were staring until you heard a chuckle, making you come out of your trance. “You were staring. You think I’m attractive or something?”Jaemin smirked at you, wiggling his eyebrows, earning a scoff from you. “No, I just have never seen you in a suit before”, you said. You weren’t lying, you’ve never seen him in a suit before. You did find him attractive but if you told Jaemin that, you’d never hear the end of it.

You continued doing your makeup as Jaemin sat on your bed, making sure not to sit on your clothes. He noticed the black dress lying on your bed, along with your black heel. “Have we unintentionally matched our clothes?”, Jaemin asked as he let out a chuckle, looking at you as you did your makeup. You then realised what he just said: you both are wearing all black to your graduation.

“I swear I didn’t stalk you, I just love wearing black”, you said, still focusing on doing your eyeliner. “Babes, I’m messing with you”, Jaemin laughed, the sudden pet name leaving his mouth. That gave you butterflies in your stomach for some reason, but you didn’t think much of it.

You were finally done getting yourself ready, slipping on your black heels. You looked at yourself in the mirror and made sure you were happy with how you looked. You smiled and turned around, grabbing your graduation hat and robes, which were ironically black too. They weren’t all black though. They had stripes of red along the seams.

You both finally left to go to your graduation, Jaemin driving you both to the school. Luckily it was only a 10 minute drive, so you didn’t need to rush. Besides, the graduation doesn’t actually start for another 30 minutes, but it’s good to be there early.

As soon as you arrived, Jaemin parked the car and you both got out. You both walked towards the school side by side, people’s eyes on you. Whenever people saw you together, they thought you were a couple with how close you were, but you always told them that you’re best friends, nothing more.

Jaemin had his camera around his neck, you remember his words a few days ago that he ‘wanted to take pictures because it would be a nice memory’. The camera was given to him by his mum for his 17th birthday, and he was over the moon with it. She remembered hearing him mention something along the lines of wanting to start doing photography, and that gave her the idea of buying him a camera.

You walked into the school, seeing your other school friends all dressed up too. You smiled as you walked over to them, Jaemin walking to a different group of people to say hello. You greeted them with a smile, creating small talk before the graduation event starts.

You spoke to them for about 10 minutes, before meeting up with Jaemin again and heading towards where the graduation ceremony was being held. You went inside the hall where everyone else was going, and sat down in your designated seats. Luckily your seats were next to each other, which made you happy.

The ceremony went smoothly. Everyone got awarded a certificate for different subjects and clubs they participated in. Jaemin got awarded in performing arts and music, whereas you got awarded in English Literature.

After you all got your certificates and celebrated by throwing your hats in the air, you went and chatted with your friends and your parents both congratulated you on graduating high school. They both hugged you and, without your knowledge, Jaemin took a picture on his camera. He thought you looked really cute, with your big smile and your robes on.

Throughout the rest of the graduation ceremony, Jaemin took lots of pictures on his camera, but they were mainly of you. Some candid pictures which he would treasure for the rest of his life. He hopes that you two would be by each other's side until you grow old, not wanting to let you out of his life. You’re too precious to him for him to let you leave. He hopes that you feel the same way.

A few days later, you and Jaemin are sitting outside your house, holding an envelope in your hands. The envelope will determine whether or not you have gotten into your dream university.

“You first”, Jaemin said, nodding towards the envelope in your hands. You opened it carefully, before pulling out the piece of paper that was inside. You glanced at it, and your eyes lit up. “I GOT IN”, you squealed out of joy, and hugged Jaemin. He hugged you back tightly, happy that you got in.

“Open yours now, I wanna know if you got in or not”, you jumped up and down impatiently. Jaemin opened the envelope and pulled out the piece of paper. He looked at it and frowned. You saw him frowning, and felt yourself tearing up, preparing for the worst.

“Oh no”, Jaemin sighed, and you felt your heart break. “I guess you’re going to have to put up with me a little while longer”, Jaemin smirked as he teased you, earning a light hit on his chest. “Yah, don’t do that”, you said, pretending to be mad at him. Jaemin could see right through you though as he softly smiled at you.

You hugged him tightly, glad that you’re going to the same university. You suddenly felt yourself start to cry out of happiness, crying into his shoulder. Jaemin then felt himself start to cry too, crying with you. You stayed like that for a while, just crying with each other. Both of your parents came out of the house, seeing the both of you crying.

They were both about to ask you if you were ok, until you pulled away from each other and they saw your smiles. They immediately knew what that meant, feeling happy for the both of you.

For the next few weeks, you put all your things in boxes ready to go to university. Clothes, makeup, books, all your necessities. If you end up forgetting something, you could always just buy something from a shop nearby the university building.

It’s finally the day that you and Jaemin leave for university, and both of your parents are crying. They mention how much they are going to miss you and that they hope you enjoy your time at university. Thankfully Jaemin’s car is big enough to fit all your stuff in so you put both yours and Jaemin stuff in the trunk of the car, and some in the backseat. You both got in the car, and waved goodbye to yours and Jaemin’s parents, the sound of their voices getting quieter as Jaemin drove off.

The journey from Jeonju-si to Seoul is just over 2 hours, so you left pretty early in the morning to ensure you got there on time. Throughout the journey, you and Jaemin jammed out to music on the radio, turning the music up loud. You had snacks to snack on during the journey so you wouldn’t need to buy any food along the way.

You finally arrived, the university building coming into view. You got excited, a huge smile on your face. Jaemin found a place to park his car and stopped the engine. You both got out and went inside the university building, seeing other students congregating together.

The whole day was just spent going round the building, a woman who looked like she was in her mid 30’s showing you where different rooms were, and where you needed to be for your specific course. You were going to be an English major, while Jaemin was doing performing arts and music, which were thankfully in the same building as each other.

You were shown to your dormitory, and you looked around your dorm room. It was bigger than you expected it to be, and it felt nice and cosy. As you were looking round the room, the door suddenly opened, startling you. You turned around and saw a girl who looked your age, her dark brown hair tied up in a ponytail. She seemed nice but only one way to find out if she is, is by talking to her.

“Hello, you must be my roommate. I’m y/n”, you said as you put your hand out, waiting for her to shake it. She stared at your hand for a moment, which made you feel awkward so you retracted your hand back. “I don’t do handshakes, I’m more comfortable with hugs. Are you ok with hugs? I’ve been told that I’m huggable”, she said, which made you smile. You’re glad that she loves hugs because you’re the same.

You hugged her and she wrapped her arms around you and she was absolutely right. The hug felt really warm and you felt comfortable. You pulled away from her and took a step back. “I’m Yeji”, she said with a smile. You hope that you two will be really good friends during your time in university.

In the boys dormitory, Jaemin looked around his room and was waiting for his roommate. The door suddenly opened and in came a boy who looked around his age. He had a mole under his eye and he had a sharp jaw. Jaemin was starstrucked seeing this individual, and he was kind of awkward when meeting new people for the first time so he didn’t think when the next few words came out of his mouth.

“You remind me of a samoyed”

Jaemin’s eyes widened as soon as he realised the words that left his mouth and he felt embarrassed. Luckily though, the boy in front of him thought that was cute and he smiled. His eyes turned into crescents as he made the cutest eye smile ever.

“I’ve actually heard that a lot”, the boy said, making Jaemin look at him. “I’m Jeno by the way”, Jeno said with a smile. Jaemin notices that Jeno is literally the human embodiment of the sun, since he’s glowing, the sun coming in through the window and hitting his face.

“I’m Jaemin”, Jaemin replied back with a soft smile. He got more and more comfortable with Jeno the more they spoke, hoping they would be friends for a really long time. They both left their room to go and collect their things, getting to know each other more along the way.

You and Yeji also did the same, leaving your rooms and heading down together. You realised just how funny Yeji is as Yeji made y/n laugh without even trying, a huge smile on their faces. You reached Jaemin’s car and you smiled when you saw him taking his stuff out, grabbing your stuff from the back seat.

You’re not sure how long it took you to bring all your stuff to your dorm room, but you’re glad that everything is now in the room. You sighed and sat on your bed, before lying down. You would put your things away once you’ve had a rest, but also making sure that you don’t fall asleep in the process.

The first few weeks of university were easy. They were basically just introducing you to your course and preparing you for what you were going to expect to learn, and so on. You were glad that you didn’t go straight into the course since it was all new to you, so you felt less stressed about everything.

Well, they say that the more you progress, the tougher something becomes. And they were right.

You’re now in your third year of university, and you’ve not long turned 21. Jaemin threw you a surprise birthday party, and Yeji and Jeno were there, along with other people who you have spoken to. To say you got drunk would be an understatement. You got so wasted, you couldn’t even walk in a straight line. You were thankful that Jaemin and Yeji helped you back to your dorm. Once you were in your dorm room, you immediately went to the bathroom and threw your guts up.

You don’t even know how long you were throwing up for, but it felt like an eternity. Yeji rubbed your back up and down, moving your hair out of the way. You eventually finished throwing your guts up and brushed your teeth, then drank a full glass of water and took some painkillers. You didn’t even bother getting changed as you flopped on your bed and immediately fell asleep.

When you woke up, your head was killing you as you winced in pain. You realised you were in different clothes from the night before. You also found out that you didn’t have any makeup on anymore.

“Good morning, sleepyhead. Here’s a glass of water along with some painkillers for your headache”, Yeji said as she gave you the water and the pills. You put the pills in your mouth and took a big gulp of water, swallowing the pills. After finishing the glass of water, you noticed a bouquet of roses in a vase on the window sill, the red catching your eye.

Yeji looked at where you were looking and smiled. “They’re from Jaemin. He called me as soon as you fell asleep and gave them to me. Said he wanted to give them to you after the party, but you were too wasted”, Yeji said as she giggled. You mentioned in your first year of university that your favourite flower was roses.

You also thought that someone else might have found out about that as, every Valentine’s Day during your time at university, you received roses from a secret admirer, which you thought nothing of. That was until Valentine's in your third year though. A random boy with honey skin and moles on his neck gave you a rose, smiled and ran away from you. You thought it was cute and kept the rose, but you didn’t see him the rest of the day. Hell, you didn’t even know his name.

“What time is it?”, you asked as soon as you got up, trying to find your phone. You looked everywhere, being unable to find it, until Yeji handed it to you. “It’s 10am”, Yeji said casually, making you widen your eyes. “And you didn’t bother waking me up?”, you said feeling rather annoyed, but Yeji just shrugged her shoulders.

“You looked peaceful so I didn’t want to wake you up. Plus we don’t have lectures until 1pm”, Yeji said, making you sigh out of relief. You were worried that you ended up missing your morning lectures, until Yeji reminded you that you have afternoon lectures on Thursdays.

“What do you want to do before lectures start? Because there’s this really cool cafe that’s just opened near campus and I want to check it out”, you said as you entered the bathroom, going to do your usual morning routine.

Since it was warm outside, you opted for a cute blouse and a pair of shorts. You put some light makeup on and put your hair into a ponytail. You grabbed your purse, phone and keys, and left your dorm room, Yeji following behind you.

Luckily the cafe was within walking distance so you didn’t need to get the bus. Plus it was a nice day out so the walk was nice. You reached the cafe, opening the door. The little bell rang, making your presence known throughout the cafe.

You looked around the cafe, seeing a couple of people scattered around throughout the cafe. University students drinking their drink of choice as they type away on a laptop, a young couple sitting in a corner holding hands while smiling at each other, a frantic looking businessman who looks like he’s on the verge of a breakdown as he quickly types something on his laptop. Apart from that, it was rather quiet since it’s midmorning.

You both went up to the counter and the barista took your orders, grabbed a breakfast sandwich as you both paid for your orders, and went to sit down near the window. You both started eating your sandwiches, making sounds of content as the taste of bacon and egg hit your taste buds.

As you took another bite, the sound of the barista announcing that your orders were ready, Yeji getting up to collect them, thanking the barista and heading back to your table, giving you your drink. You finished chewing the food in your mouth, swallowing it before taking a sip of your iced coffee. The caramel iced coffee hits your taste buds, making you smile in content.

You finished eating the rest of your sandwich, shoving the rest of it in your mouth. The sound of the bell rang, indicating that someone else came into the cafe. You turned around, your cheeks full as you chewed the rest of your sandwich, and your eyes widened as you saw who walked in. You nearly choked on your food, but thankfully stopped yourself.

The honey skin, the noticeable moles on his neck. He was wearing all black and his hair was fluffy and messy. It was the same guy who gave you a rose on Valentine’s Day. You didn’t realise you were staring until the guy looked at you, giving you a smirk and a wink, making you turn around.

“He’s the same guy who gave me a rose on Valentine’s Day. Only, he was shy then. He seems different now”, you said, now looking at Yeji. “That’s him?”Yeji said as she pointed at said guy. You nodded and she sighed, sitting back in her chair. You looked at her confused, wondering what the sigh was about.

“That’s Lee Haechan. He used to be this sweet, nice guy. That was before his ex broke his heart, and now he’s kind of a heartbreaker. He’s a massive flirt”, Yeji says, you turning around to look at him again, seeing him collecting his drink and paying the barista.

He looked at you before leaving, giving you a cheeky smirk and winked at you again, and left the cafe. You know you should listen to what Yeji said, Haechan being a heartbreaker and a massive flirt. But you just can’t help the butterflies in your stomach. You’ve never felt like this before. Well, if you’re going to be honest, you have felt like this before, but you sort of pushed that at the back of your mind since you’re sure that the person doesn’t like you back, so you forgot about those feelings.

You and Yeji both left the cafe, heading back to your dormitory. You drank the rest of your iced coffee, the breeze hitting your face. You couldn’t seem to take Haechan off your mind, no matter how hard you tried.

You reached your dormitory, heading up to your dorm room to collect your things you needed for your afternoon lectures. You made sure you had everything before leaving, locking the door behind you.

You reached your class, going inside the room and sitting in your designated seat. Yeji sat beside you and got her stuff out, following suit. You were a bit early so you just had a casual conversation. You mentioned how Jaemin texted you before, asking you if you wanted to hang out after your classes.

You notice someone else walking into the class, and you froze. It was Haechan. He’s the same major as you? Why haven’t you seen him in your classes before?

Throughout the lesson, you kept looking over at Haechan, not paying attention to the teacher. You were in a daydream, staring at him. Yeji noticed you staring at him so she nudged you in the side, making you look at her. She mouthed something to you along the lines of ‘stop staring at him’ and you just denied it, even though you were basically caught staring at him.

After 3 long hours, the lecture was finally over. You packed up your stuff and headed out the classroom and texted Jaemin that you’re on your way to meet him. As you sent the text, you accidentally bumped into someone. You looked up and saw the one person who wouldn’t leave your mind. Lee Haechan. He was smirking down at you before he picked up your phone, giving it back to you. You didn’t even realise you dropped it.

“Be careful, doll”, his voice was soft and put you in a trance, wanting to listen to his voice all day long. “Sorry”, you said quietly, but still loud enough for him to hear you. He was only a few inches taller than you, but you still felt intimidated by him for some reason. That was until his usual smirk turned into a smile. His smile was so beautiful and contagious, you felt yourself smiling back at him.

Outside, Jaemin was waiting for you to come out, sitting on a bench. He sat there for a few minutes, checking his phone every now and then. He soon saw you walking out, smiling to himself. That was until he saw you walking with someone he heard bad stories about. The stories about how, after he was heartbroken by his ex, he turned into a heartbreaker and broke girls (and boys) hearts.

You saw Jaemin and bid your goodbyes to Haechan, running over to Jaemin. The first thing he asked you when you reached him was, “why were you with Haechan? He’s a heartbreaker”.

“He’s not that bad. He’s actually really sweet”, you reassured Jaemin and his worries, telling him that you’ll be ok and he won’t hurt you. The subject was then dropped and Jaemin asked you where you wanted to go to hang out, but your next words made him frown.

“Actually uhm, I was wondering if we could rain check? I know this is all so sudden but, Haechan asked me if I wanted to get a coffee with him and talk about this project we have to do for English”, you said, your voice full of guilt. You really wanted to hang out with Jaemin but Haechan insisted that you talk about the English project you have to do.

Jaemin put on a fake smile and told you it’s fine, you hugging him before running off to Haechan again. He saw you two walking off campus, a frown on his face. He then texted Jeno asking him if he was free, which luckily he was, so he asked him if he wanted to hang out instead.

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You and Haechan were sitting opposite each other in a coffee shop, debating what topics you should do for your English project. You sipped on your drink as Haechan rambled on. “I think the topic of how gender roles are portrayed in novels sounds really interesting, so I think I might do that one”, Haechan finished rambling on as he took a sip of his drink, the iced chocolate drink hitting the back of his throat.

“I don’t know, I kind of like the historical sides of novels and what types of themes are used in them”, you said, Haechan nodding at you. You carried on talking about the English project for a bit longer, wanting to ensure you were both certain on the topics you chose for the project.

You then talked about something else, wanting to get to know more about Haechan. You found out that he loves skateboarding and watching horror movies, and that he hates coffee. You realised just how funny and sweet he is, you don’t see a heartbreaker at all in front of you. In the short amount of time you’ve been with him, you’ve fallen for him. Hard. And you don’t want to get up.

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Over the next couple of weeks, you’ve drifted away from Jaemin as you hung out with Haechan more. He even asked you out, to which you said yes. Even Yeji noticed how distant you’ve become, spending less time in your dorm and more time with Haechan. The times that you are in your dorm though, you only talk about Haechan and how much of a sweetheart he is.

Well, that whole ‘sweetheart’ act began to change after your second month of dating. You saw all the changes in his demeanour, the once sweet guy was replaced with a cold and hurtful man. You literally had to tell him where you were going, even if it was just to go to the shops, scared that Haechan would find out and end up hurting you. He hasn’t hurt you physically, it was mainly verbal or mental.

Though, this time, you forgot to tell him where you were going, your stress making you forget. You were craving chocolate so you headed to the nearest convenience store, wrapping yourself up in your coat since it was a cold, winter evening. You headed inside, going towards where the chocolate and sweets were. You looked at the different chocolate bars, finally choosing your favourite one as soon as you found it. You also bought yourself a bottle of wine, hoping to share it with Yeji. You feel really guilty for being distant lately, so you wanted to have a drink with her.

You headed to the counter and paid for the items. The cashier put your items in a bag for you and you grabbed the bag off them, thanking them before leaving again. You walked back outside into the cold, heading back towards your dorm.

As you got near your dorm, you saw Haechan and panic rose up inside you. You realised that you forgot to tell him where you were going, and now you were going to suffer the consequences. Unfortunately there was no one else about, it was just you two, so you had to deal with whatever was going to happen to you.

“I’ve been calling you and you didn’t answer. Why didn’t you tell me where you were going? You were supposed to tell me, remember? Or are you just that stupid, you fucking forgot? Huh? Answer me!”, Haechan said rather loudly, but not shouting, as he ended up gripping your hair.

“I-i’m sorry, I’ve just been so stressed lately, I forgot. I won’t do it again, I promise”, you winced as his grip got tighter. He soon let go of you, and you sighed out of relief. But that relief soon went as you felt a stinging sensation across your cheek. Haechan had slapped you.

You held your cheek, tears welling up in your eyes as you stared at Haechan. You didn’t even recognise him anymore. The sparkle had gone from his eyes, his smile was no longer there and his warm heart had turned to stone. He was a completely different person, and you hated him.

Haechan just left you there, heading back to his dorm room, his silhouette disappearing into the distance. You ran towards your dorm building, going inside. The warmth hit your face, stinging your now reddened cheek. You headed towards the elevator, pressing the button. You waited for the doors to open as tears rolled down your cheeks.

The doors opened with a ping, alerting you as you got inside. You pressed the button to go to your floor as the doors closed. You were a sobbing mess as you leaned against the wall. Though when the doors opened again, you composed yourself and pretended you weren’t just crying your eyes out, heading towards your dorm room.

You fumbled with your keys, eventually putting them into the keyhole. You unlocked the door, shutting the door as soon as you were inside. You rested your head against the door, finally able to catch your breath.

“y/n?”, Yeji said, her voice coming from behind you. You put a fake smile on your face before turning around. “Hey Yeji. I went to the shops to buy myself some chocolate since I was craving some. I also bought a bottle of wine as an apology for me being distant lately”, you said as you took your coat and shoes off, hung your coat up and put your shoes on the shoe rack. You put your slippers on and walk past Yeji, walking into the kitchen.

Yeji stood next to you and stared at you, making you feel uncomfortable. You were about to tell her to stop until her words made you freeze. “What happened to your cheek?”, she asked. You stuttered for a moment before you made up an excuse. “I hit my cheek against a door as I opened it”, you replied, hoping you sounded believable.

Yeji gave you a look, but didn’t say anything. You put your chocolate in the fridge (you prefer your chocolate cold) and Yeji got two wine glasses out of the cupboard. You both sat down, pouring the wine into the two glasses.

Yeji was talking about something but you couldn’t focus. You kept thinking about what happened before with Haechan, and how scared you were at that moment. You wanted to end the relationship before it got worse, but you were scared. What if Haechan hurts you really badly? What if he doesn’t let you leave? What if-

“y/n!”, Yeji said, shaking your shoulder. You snapped out of your daze, looking at her. “Huh?”, you said confusedly, looking round the room for no reason. “You zoned out. Are you sure you’re ok?”, she asked as she looked at you, running a hand up and down your arm to try and calm you down.

You then felt yourself crying, the empty wine glass now on the table as you curled up into a ball in your seat. Yeji’s eyes widened as she put her glass down, going over to you and wrapping her arms around you. The both of you stayed like that for about 5 minutes, making sure you calmed down before she spoke again.

“You want to tell me what’s wrong? And where that mark on your cheek really came from?”, Yeji said, fearing for what the answer was going to be. “I went to the store to get some chocolate and wine, like I told you before. But, uhm, I’m supposed to tell Haechan where I’m going every time I go out but this time, I forget. And when I’m near the dorms, I see him”, you explained, feeling yourself about to cry again. Yeji comforted you and told you to carry on.

“He yelled at me and called me stupid for forgetting and then he slapped me”, you said, feeling Yeji’s grip on your arm getting tighter. Yeji felt anger bubbling up inside her, wanting Haechan to pay for what he did to you. “Does Jaemin know anything about this?”Yeji asked you. You shook your head, having been too scared to say anything to Jaemin, just in case Haechan finds out and does something drastic.

“We need to tell him. And I’m going to pay that bastard a visit. No one, and I mean NO ONE, puts their hands on any of my friends”, Yeji said as she got up, but you stopped her. “No please. Please don’t. I don’t want you getting hurt”, you pleaded, wanting her to sit back down. She listened to you and sat back down, holding your hand, squeezing it.

“I’m going to meet up with Haechan tomorrow and try to break up with him. I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired”, you said as your eyes started to flutter close, tiredness coming over you. Yeji got you up and made sure you didn’t fall as she helped you towards your bed. You got changed into your pyjamas and headed into bed, almost falling asleep straight away.

As soon as you fell asleep, Yeji tucked you into bed and got ready for bed herself. She had younger siblings who she looked after when her parents weren’t home due to work, so her parental instincts kick in automatically. She laid down, staring up at the ceiling, her anger still there as she thinks about what she’s going to do to Haechan when she sees him.

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It was a cold Saturday afternoon, and Jaemin walked along the pavement, his camera in his hand as Jeno walked next to him. They were talking about nonsense, mainly about how they hated the cold weather and wanted the warmer weather to come sooner.

Jaemin took pictures on his camera, admiring the scenery around him. He took some funny pictures of Jeno now and then, catching him off guard. Since it had been snowing, Jeno accidentally slipped on a bit of ice, Jaemin taking a picture of him mid fall. He couldn’t help it, he just looked really funny. He did help him up though. After laughing for a good few minutes.

They saw a fountain in the distance, and saw two people standing near it. Jaemin looked through his camera and zoomed in. He realised it was Haechan and y/n. He put his camera down and frowned, which Jeno noticed. Jeno saw where Jaemin was looking, and saw why he frowned.

They thought you and Haechan were having a normal conversation, but that’s not what you were having. You were actually trying your hardest not to break down in public, since there were other people around you. You took in a deep breath and the seven words finally left your mouth.

“I want to break up with you”

Jaemin and Jeno continued looking at you and Haechan, and were about to leave. That was until Jaemin saw Haechan lift his hand up, and hit you across the face. He hit you once, twice, three times across the face. Jaemin and Jeno ran over to you and Jeno grabbed Haechan, tackling him to the ground. Jaemin held you as you cried into his chest, holding you gently. People were looking at the commotion, wondering whether to help or not.

Jeno lifted Haechan up off the ground, gripping his arms. “Don’t even think about touching her ever again, otherwise you’ll suffer the consequences. Actually, you’re going to suffer the consequences right now. How about you get charged for domestic abuse, huh? What kind of person do you have to be to do that to your own partner? You fucking disgusting bitch”, Jeno spat, threatening to take Haechan to the police.

Haechan just shrugged him off and walked off, people giving him dirty looks. Jeno looked at you as you were clinging on to Jaemin for your dear life, crying into his chest. Jaemin was sitting on the floor, not caring about the ice or snow, he only cared about you.

“I-i’m sorry”, you managed to say through your tears, gripping onto Jaemin’s coat. He looked at you confused, wondering why you were apologising. “It’s my fault that this happened. I should have listened to you b-but I didn’t and I got myself hurt”, you cried even harder, finding it hard to breathe.

Jaemin held your face in his hands gently, making you look at him. He breathed in and out, hoping you would copy him, which you did. Your breathing went back to normal after a couple of minutes, your tears stopped.

“Don’t say that, ok? It’s not your fault”, Jaemin said, bringing you in for a hug, wrapping his arms around you. You reciprocated the hug, snuggling into him. Jeno stood there looking at you two, and he smiled, knowing that you’re not with that asshole anymore. Though it’s going to take you a while to get back to your happy self, and they are going to stick with you no matter what.

-------------------------------

It took you around a month and a half until you were smiling again. Not faking a smile, but smiling for real. You were still hurting though, but you had your friends by your side to help you.

It was coming up to Valentine’s Day and you were hoping you weren’t going to receive anything from him. You were dreading it and you didn’t want to run into him again. You haven’t seen him since that day, which you were glad about, but you still get paranoid that he will turn up again and ruin your life.

You finished your morning lectures and had the rest of the day off, so you texted Jaemin asking him if he was free and wanted to hang out. You were walking with Yeji, talking about nothing in particular. Your phone dinged, indicating that you got a reply back. Your smile that was on your face disappeared as you saw his text.

Unfortunately he wasn’t free. He mentioned that he’s been talking with someone from his class, and they have a date. You weren’t the jealous type, but something inside you twisted as you felt your heart drop.

Yeji saw the change in your mood, and took a glance at your phone. She felt sorry for you and had an idea. Whenever you’re in a shitty mood, she always takes you shopping since that seems to cheer you up 9 times out of 10. You liked the idea of going shopping so you agreed immediately. You both walked out of the building and walked off campus, heading towards the nearest bus stop.

-------------------------------

You spent the rest of the day shopping, forgetting about the fact that Jaemin is going on a date. You bought some cute clothes, and some new heels which you fell in love with the moment you saw them.

You were currently sitting on a bench, Yeji opposite you, as you munched on some food you bought. Yeji was telling you about a guy that she’s been talking to and hopefully will be seeing more of. You felt really happy for her, seeing her smiling over someone. She mentioned his name, Renjun you think his name was, and the way she was talking about him was really cute.

You took a bite of your jam doughnut, relishing in the taste. You swallowed the piece of doughnut, about to take another bite, until you saw Jaemin and the girl he was on a date with, and your heart stopped.

The girl he was on a date with was beautiful. Her long dark hair, her amazing figure, her perfect skin. You stopped eating your doughnut and just stared at it. You’ll admit, you're not the skinniest but you’ve never been insecure about your figure or appearance. You’ve always been rather confident about yourself but now, you’re not so sure.

Yeji saw the change in your mood, and looked over to see Jaemin with some girl. You felt yourself tearing up and a few tears fell down your face. “Ok that’s it, let's go”, Yeji said as she stood up, finishing her food and grabbed the bags of stuff she bought. You didn’t say anything as you put the rest of your food in the bin, and grabbed your own bags.

You followed Yeji, not knowing where she was going, but you didn’t really care, you just wanted to get away. Yeji has something in mind, which she hopes you’ll like. She knows you like plushies (since you have a couple on your bed) so she was going to buy you one.

You continued following Yeji, your mind still distracted. You walk for a few more minutes until you realise where Yeji has taken you. You saw a big shop which was full of plushies and you then looked at Yeji with big eyes. She smiled at you and nodded for you to go inside. You rushed inside and looked at all the cute plushies.

You looked at all the plushies in the store, not knowing which one you were going to pick. You already had a penguin plush, a bunny, a puppy and a bear. You soon saw a baby chick plushie, the massive yellow plush catching your attention. You headed towards it and picked it up, hugging it to your chest. Yeji saw you hugging the plush, and said she would pay for it for you, saying it was ‘her treat and you deserve to be happy’.

For the rest of the day, you just walked around before deciding to head back to campus, the both of you feeling tired. You headed towards the bus stop, waiting for the bus to arrive. Luckily it arrived a few minutes later and you both got on, scanning your tickets and sitting down.

-------------------------------

Back in your dorm room, you put your bags on the floor and threw yourself on your bed. You laid down, staring at the ceiling, and started thinking about Jaemin. Are your feelings for him starting to resurface? You couldn’t keep it to yourself anymore, so you thought it would be best to tell Yeji about it.

“Yeji, can I tell you something?”, you asked, looking over at Yeji. She looked up from her phone and a ‘hmm’ sound left her mouth. “I think my feelings for Jaemin are resurfacing and I’m scared”, you confessed, now sitting up. Yeji’s eyes widened at your confession, putting her phone down.

“Why are you scared?”Yeji asked, all of her focus now on you. You took a deep breath before continuing. “What if Jaemin doesn’t feel the same way? I mean, he’s on a date with that beautiful, perfect girl he was with today, so I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me in that way. Have you seen me?”, your insecurities were playing up now as you felt yourself about to break down into tears.

Yeji was now sitting next to you as she made you look at her. “Hey, you are beautiful in your own way. You don’t need to change for anyone, let alone Jaemin. So don’t think like that”, Yeji said softly but sternly, a single tear rolling down your cheek. You wiped it away as you nodded at her words, thankful that you have a friend like her you can rely on.

Over the next few weeks, you hardly saw Jaemin. The times you did see him though, he was with the girl he was dating. You found out her name was Jessi and she can be a bit of a bitch. You’ve spoken to her once and she wasn’t the nicest. You were going to talk to Jaemin, but Jessi saw you and stopped you, telling you he doesn’t want to talk to you or see you. You didn’t like the way she spoke to you so, in the nicest way possible, you told her to fuck off.

The first time you saw Jaemin and Jessi together, Jaemin looked happy. But now, whenever you see them together, he seems different. He didn’t seem like himself and lost his smile. You hated seeing him like that, and you were sure it was because of Jessi.

You were on your way back to your dorm when you heard Jaemin calling you. You turned around and saw him walking over to you, his hands in his pockets. You stopped walking and smiled. “Hey stranger”, you said with a giggle, but Jaemin didn’t smile back. Now you are worried.

“What’s wrong?”, you asked, the worry evident in your voice. Has Jessi done something to him? What’s going on? “I’m sorry it had to come to this but, we can’t be friends anymore, so goodbye y/n”, Jaemin said with a frown. He didn’t give you a chance to say anything before he walked off, going into the direction of his dorm.

You just stood there, feeling numb. Your best friend since childhood has just told you he doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore? Now you were confused as fuck. You ran towards your dorm and headed straight to your dorm room, slamming the door behind you as you broke down in tears.

Yeji wasn’t going to be back until later since she’s going on a date with Renjun, so you had no one to talk to. Well, except Jeno but you’re sure Jaemin will be with Jeno so you didn’t want to bother him.

You laid on your bed, crying for what felt like hours. You hurt all over and feel sick to your stomach. You’ve lost your best friend and the person you’ve loved for ages, and you don’t know what to do. You felt lost and hopeless, and you just wanted to go somewhere peaceful, away from everything.

In Jaemin and Jeno’s room, Jaemin was sitting on his bed while Jeno was pacing around. “You really did that? Bro, how fucking stupid are you?”, Jeno said as he glared at Jaemin. Jaemin didn’t say anything as the guilt was eating him up. He wanted to scream, cry, punch something, but he couldn’t do anything.

“You know she’s toxic, bro. I’m worried for you, and I’m scared something is going to happen to you if you don’t leave her. Plus, you said yourself that you like y/n, right?”Jeno said, Jaemin now looking at him. Jaemin nodded and realised that he does love you. He started crying, scared that he fucked up and you now hate him.

Jeno stood there, feeling bad for his friend. He’s not the best at comforting people but he still hugged him, Jaemin hugging him back. “I’m not sure if this will make you feel any better but, I overheard someone saying that there’s a party at the weekend being held at one of the frat houses off campus. You wanna come?”, Jeno said, hearing the sniffles escaping Jaemin. He felt the boy nod, which made Jeno smile. Hopefully having a few drinks will take his mind off things.

Back in your room, you were throwing up in the toilet, still crying as you continued to vomit. You literally cried to the point of making yourself sick, and you hated yourself. Suddenly, the sound of your door opening alerted you as you finally finished throwing up, flushing the toilet and brushing your teeth.

You headed out the bathroom and saw Yeji, who’s hair was a mess. “What the fuck happened to you?”, you asked, and then you saw the hickeys on her neck. “Did Renjun fuck you or something”, you joking said, not thinking too much of it.

“He did, actually”, she said, making you widen your eyes. You looked at her and gave her a look, which made her laugh. “Anyway, moving on. Why were you throwing up? Are you sick? Have you been crying?”Yeji asked question after question, not giving you a chance to answer.

You thought long and hard before you gave her an answer, explaining what happened before with Jaemin, and how he doesn’t want to be your best friend anymore. You also told her how you’ve been feeling because of everything that’s happened and how you’re feeling lost and hopeless, and you don’t know what to do.

Yeji was shocked when you told her about what Jaemin said. She knows Jaemin would never do that on his own terms, so she has a feeling who is behind all this. Anger bubbles up inside of her, hating to see one of her friends hurting, again.

“Tell you what. Renjun is throwing a party at his frat house at the weekend and I’m going, do you wanna come with? Take your mind off things?”Yeji suggested, hoping you would take up the offer. You thought about it and eventually agreed, wanting to drink your sorrows away, but you didn’t tell her that.

-------------------------------

Saturday came sooner than you expected, and you’re wondering what to wear for the party. You weren’t sure if you wanted to wear something casual and cute, or wear something out of your comfort zone. You were looking at the red, tight fit dress you bought a couple of weeks ago and opted to wear that with a pair of black heels.

You went for a quick shower before getting ready, doing your hair and makeup. You were soon done as Yeji came into the room, already dressed (since she stayed over at Renjuns, she got ready there).

“Everyone’s eyes will be looking at you tonight, you look hot”, Yeji exaggerated the word ‘hot’ as you laughed at her reaction, feeling confident about yourself at that moment. “Hey, before we leave, shall we drink some wine first? You know, since there’s some left”, you said as you got the wine out of the cupboard, taking a big gulp of the drink before handing the rest of it to Yeji.

You left the dormitory, walking off campus towards where the party was held. Thankfully Yeji knows where it is so you don’t have to worry about getting lost. You got there after around 10 minutes, walking straight into the house. There were already people who were drunk and it was only 5pm. People making out and sweaty bodies pushed up against each other as you pushed your way through the crowd.

You went straight towards where the alcohol is, pouring yourself a drink in a red cup, downing it. The vodka burned the back of your throat as you hissed, before getting another one. You had about 3 drinks before you put the cup down, wanting to dance to the music that was blasting through the speakers.

You danced on your own while Yeji went to find Renjun, wanting you to meet him. You were just enjoying the buzz, getting lost in the music. You opened your eyes and that’s when you saw him. Jaemin. Except, he was with Jeno instead of Jessi. Why wasn’t he with Jessi? Not that you cared, he said he didn’t want to be your friend anymore.

You don’t know if it was the alcohol or the desperation in you, but you walked over to Jaemin and stood in front of him. He was shocked to see you, especially after what happened. “Can we talk? Please?”, you pleaded, crossing your arms. Jaemin’s eyes drifted to your cleavage for a moment before looking you back in the eyes.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea”, Jaemin said as he began to walk away. You stopped him as you grabbed his arm. “Don’t give me that bullshit. I need to talk to you whether you like it or not”, you said sternly, and the pit of Jaemin’s stomach started burning. There was something in his eyes that made you clench your legs together, and after excusing himself from Jeno, you both went upstairs where it was quieter.

You pushed Jaemin into an empty room and locked the door, not wanting anyone to barge in. You looked at Jaemin who was sitting on the edge of a bed, his legs spread. “Are you still with Jessi?”, the question just slipped out of your mouth without thinking, and Jaemin scoffed. “So that’s what this is about. And to answer your question, no I’m not”, he answered. Something in the back of your mind was glad that he wasn’t with her anymore.

“Was it Jessi who told you to tell me you didn’t want to be friends anymore? Or was that off your own back? And don’t fucking lie to me Jaemin”, you said as you felt yourself getting more annoyed. He didn’t answer you as he just stared at the floor, not wanting to argue.

“For fucks sake, just answer me”, you yelled, startling Jaemin. He stood up and walked over to you, pushing you against the wall behind you. “You want the truth? Fine. It was Jessi who told me to tell you that because she was fucking annoyed about how much I talked about you”, Jaemin’s face was close to yours as he spoke, making you look him in the eyes.

All you could hear was the sound of your breathing and the faint noise of the music playing downstairs. You licked your lips before talking. “D-do you feel the same way that I do?”, you asked hesitantly, the fear of getting rejected. Jaemin furrowed his brows and took a step back.

“Are you confessing your feelings to me? Are you trying to tell me you love me?”, he asked as he looked you in the eyes. You closed your eyes before nodding, not wanting to see his reaction to you confessing your feelings.

What you didn’t expect, though, was the feeling of his lips on yours. You gasped before kissing him back, pulling his body closer to yours. You felt yourself being pressed up against the wall behind you, the kiss getting deeper. Jaemin’s hands held your hips, as yours went behind his neck. You played with the hair at the nape of his neck, his black hair soft between your fingers.

The kiss got more heated as his tongue fought with yours. He lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist, taking you to the bed. He laid you down on the bed, your lips still attached to each other. He trailed kisses from the corner of your mouth, down your jaw and across your neck, biting and sucking on the skin. You made sounds of pleasure which made Jaemin’s pants tighter. You flipped him over, Jaemin now underneath you.

“You sure you want to do this?”, you asked, worried this would ruin your friendship, even though you knew you both felt the same way. Jaemin nodded at you and rubbed your hips before bringing you back down to kiss you.

-------------------------------

You laid there and stared at the ceiling, catching your breath. You felt great. Amazing, even. You looked over at Jaemin who was breathing heavily and held his hand. He looked at you and a huge smile formed on his face. He brought your hand up to his lips and kissed your knuckles.

Luckily the room you were in had a bathroom connected to it, so Jaemin got up and got a cloth to clean you both up, before you both got dressed again. When you were dressed again, you went into the bathroom to check your makeup, and that’s when you saw the marks running up and down your neck. There weren’t that many, but still enough to make you smile.

You left the bathroom and went back to Jaemin, seeing him fully clothed as he put his shoes back on. When he was standing up straight, you wrapped your arms around his waist and kissed between his shoulder blades. You couldn’t see the smile that formed on his face but you didn’t need to.

You both left the room, unlocking the door and the music downstairs was still playing loudly, some hip hop song you didn’t recognise hitting your ears. You walked down the stairs, hand in hand, and pushed through sweaty bodies. You saw Yeji in the corner of the room with someone, who you assumed was Renjun.

You walked over to where they were, and greeted them. “Where the hell have you been? I’ve been waiting for you for, like, an hour”, Yeji said as she looked at you, you shyly smiled as you looked down and Jaemin chuckled. Renjun snorted as he looked at the marks on your neck, and that’s when Yeji realised.

“You finally both realised your feelings for each other, thank fuck. I was wondering when that was going to happen”, she said as she smiled. She then introduced you guys to Renjun, who seemed really sweet the moment you saw him. He wasn’t your usual frat boy who loved to party every night and date lots of girls. He loved studying and drawing, and he also loved cats.

You drank a bit more, the taste of alcohol running down your throat as you moved to the music. You don’t know how much longer you stayed, but you soon found yourself getting hungry, and you were craving pizza. So, you and Jaemin, along with Yeji, Renjun and Jeno, you all left the party and went to the nearest pizza place, which you unfortunately had to take the bus to get to.

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You were all sitting round a table, sharing 2 large pizzas between the 5 of you. You were all laughing and enjoying the company around you. You looked at Jaemin and admired his side profile. His sharp jawline, his adams apple, and his long eyelashes. Jaemin felt you looking at him and turned to look at you.

“You alright there, babe?”, the sudden pet name slipped out of his mouth and just hearing it made you smile, butterflies forming in your stomach. “Yeah, I’m good. Really good”, you replied, leaning your head on his shoulder, Jaemin moving closer to you so you wouldn’t strain your neck.

Neither of you needed to ask a certain question, already knowing what the answer was going to be. Jaemin held your hand under the table and squeezed it, kissing your forehead and you felt yourself feeling sleepy, eventually falling asleep on his shoulder.

Yeji was the first to notice that you had fallen asleep, smiling at the scene in front of her. Everyone finished the pizza between them before they left the pizza place, Jaemin picking you up and carrying you bridal style, not wanting to wake you up since you look so peaceful.

You all went to the bus stop, waiting for it, which arrived a few minutes later. You all got on and sat down at the back of the bus (thankfully you were the only people on there, apart from the bus driver, since it’s late at night).

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You felt yourself being placed on a comfy surface, stirring in your sleep but soon waking up to see Jaemin putting you down. “You fell asleep while we were in the pizza place, and I didn’t want to wake you up so I brought you up here. With permission of course”, Jaemin explained as he kissed your cheek. You leaned into him, still feeling sleepy.

You’re sure Yeji is staying at Renjun’s again tonight, so you’re going to be alone for the rest of the night, and you were hesitating to ask Jaemin to stay the night. But you eventually found the confidence to ask him.

“Jaemin, please can you stay the night? Yeji is staying at Renjun’s so I’m gonna be alone for the rest of the night and I don’t want to be lonely”, you said as you played with your fingers. You were hoping Jaemin would say yes, since you wanted to cuddle with him. When you’re tipsy, or on the verge of being drunk, you get really affectionate and hug the person closest to you.

“Of course babe. I hope you don’t mind but I tend to sleep in just my boxers and a t-shirt”, he said, feeling rather shy now. You smiled at him and grabbed his hand, kissing his knuckles and rubbing your thumb along them.

After wiping your makeup off and getting changed into your pyjamas, which consisted of shorts and a long sleeved t-shirt, you got into bed, making room for Jaemin. He soon got in after you, covering you both up. He wrapped his arms around you, putting your head on his chest. “I love you”, Jaemin said all of a sudden, making you smile. You buried your face in his chest and he chuckled at you, thinking you’re adorable. “I love you too”, you said back to him, Jaemin kissing the top of your bed before you felt yourself falling back asleep. The last thing you heard before falling asleep was the sound of Jaemin’s heartbeat which was beating rather fast. The reason for that: you.

#jaemin imagines #jaemin scenarios #jaemin angst #jaemin fluff #jaemin au #jaemin x reader #jaemin #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct dream angst #nct dream fluff #nct dream au #nct dream x reader #nct dream

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altruistic-meme · 3 years ago

Text

AFTG fic recs

Hi all! I just wanted to share some of my all-time favorite fanfics for aftg, for no real reason other than I want more people to read them and send their love to the authors :)

Under a readmore because it got. A little long. But please enjoy!

WIPs

Dangerous Habits by LovelyLittleGrim ( @lovelylittlegrim )

Andrew has run into problems while on undercover jobs before. None of those problems were anything like the troublesome runaway that is one Nathaniel Wesninski

Aka: the fic where Andrew is undercover as a hitman for hire and Neil is the guy who hires him. Things get complicated from there.

Undercover Andrew? BAMF Neil? Hitman AU?? Absolutely. I’m in love. The story is just *chef kisses*

Chapters: 8/9

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, past rape/non-con, Drake Spear (who is his own warning), Butcher Neil,

Negotiations by elesary ( @elesary )

This is what Andrew Minyard knows: his brother is dead, killed by a petty Raven prince who has never learned to keep his hands off of Andrew's things. His brother's daughters are his responsibility, a job that is made infinitely harder when their shitty grandparents want custody. Nathaniel Wesninski is a liar, but he might be the only way to avenge Aaron and protect his nieces. All Andrew has to do is watch Nathaniels - Neil's- back as he carves out his own life and identity from everyone who thinks they own him.

Andrew has always been good at upholding his end of the bargain, has he finally found someone willing to uphold theirs?

This fic has got me fucked up, honestly. I’m emotional over it. It’s fantastic.

Chapters: 11/?

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, attempted sexual assault, Butcher Neil,

the upper hand by plantelty ( @plantelty )

Shortly after losing his mother, Neil arrives in the small town of Palmetto, South Carolina, alone in the world and with an impossible plan to carry through.

At the age of eighteen, Andrew ends up helping a boy stage his own death.

Just two fucked up boys learning to trust each other during the course of a summer, but also: multiple references to songs, twinyard angst (Nicky tries his best), The Plotting of Neil Josten's Gruesome Demise, and shit hitting the fan in a variety of ugly ways!

The cliffhanger has got me on the edge of my seat, but it is 100% worth the read and the wait for the last chapter!!

Chapters: 10/11

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Canon typical violence,

The Butcher’s House by Fire_Bear ( @fire-bear )

Andrew thought something was odd with the house the Foxes had to move into after their Athletes' House had been burnt down. He just wasn't prepared for what was actually wrong with it.

For this was a house full of monsters.

Ghost story! Ghost story! Ghost story! I literally think about this fic every other day, it’s fantastic.

Chapters: 6/?

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: character death (major or minor is unclear), injuries,

Promise of an Unbroken Boy by elesary ( @elesary )

Neil is caught by the police with Mary's burning body and is sent to juvie in Oakland where he is assigned to share a cell with one Andrew Doe, who promises him Exy, if only Neil will tell him all of his secrets. With no access to tinted contacts and hair dye, he agrees, it's only a matter of time until he's killed after all. What does he have to lose?

But Andrew's found someone who knows what a promise means, and he'll be damned if he lets that go without a fight.

Ngl this is definitely in my very top favorites -- I LOVE the idea of Neil and Andrew meeting pre-series, and this fic just BLEW my expectations for that plotline out of the waters

Chapters: 14/?

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Underage, attempted rape/non-con, canon-typical violence,

~~~~~~~~~

Complete

The Nameless Monster by kanekicure ( @kanekicure )

Nathaniel Wesninski wants nothing more than to see his father dead and buried. But when his father promises him the title of The Butcher, Nathaniel quickly realizes that his destiny of following in his father's footsteps is closer than ever before.

So of course, when he gets forced to go undercover for the Baltimore police, he starts seeing what living could truly be.

Andrew Minyard is a newly recruited police officer for the worst precinct in Baltimore, who is dedicated on hunting down the notorious Butcher and his unnamed underling. But when Neil Josten is thrown into his midst as his civilian consultant; he starts to realize some things don't quite appear as they seem.

I love the story telling -- the secret identities, the plotting, everything.

Chapters: 14/14

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Butcher Neil, implied/referenced rape/non-con, implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced slef-harm (I believe there is a scene that is somewhat detailed on this subject), some characters also get drugged at one point,

that’s just something people say by nanatsuyu ( @theoctopusnods )

Neil makes the mistake of stealing the wrong car. Andrew makes the mistake of offering a ride to a liar. They both make the mistake of turning the whole affair into a road trip ‘home.’

Gonna be honest; the summary does not give a big idea as to what is in store and i am SO GLAD I gave this one a try so i’m telling you that you will be too

Chapters: 24/24

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, panic attacks (somewhat grahic descriptions of)

The Story After You by kanekicure ( @kanekicure )

Andrew Minyard does not understand how Riko Moriyama landed Neil Wesninski.

How the snot-nosed, small dick, rich brat, second son of the Moriyama family who also just so happened to own the largest EXY gear and merchandiser company in the world “RAVEN” - had landed smart mouthed, quick witted, stupidly blue eyed Wesninski, was beyond him. Well, unless Wesninski was a gold digger, but Andrew doubted it.

Or; how Andrew Minyard says he doesn't get into messy situations, until he meets Neil and suddenly he is in the most messiest possible situation ever imagined in his life - oh and also, he might be becoming a homewrecker.

Ok I am behind bc I haven’t read the final chapter of this but!! I love the story, it’s very emotional and moving, and I love the characterization in it.

Chapters: 10/10

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Abusive Riko/Neil, abusive relationship, implied/referenced rape/non-con, implied/reference child abuse, implied/referenced self-harm, graphic depictions of violence, some descriptions of injuries/scarring,

This Complicated Life by 5a5b5p5 ( @andrewsbutterflyknife )

“This is exactly why I don’t want you and Andrew to meet,” Aaron says grumpily. “You two would get along far too well.”

Neil grins. “I just like pissing you off,” he says, “It’s not my fault your brother does such a good job at it.”

—

Neil doesn’t expect much from his Sophomore year of college, but when he becomes a waiter at the Palmetto Bistro, his life gets a whole lot more interesting. As it turns out, maintaining friendships new and old as well as navigating an interesting relationship with the head chef of the restaurant—who just so happens to be his best friend’s twin brother—is a lot more complicated than he’d thought it would be.

A much more light-hearted fic than most of the others! Includes a secret relationship, and also chef Andrew >>

Chapters: 10/10

Rating: Mature

Warnings:

When I Fade, Keep Me in Your Memory by demesh

Neil Josten has a secret: he can flicker out of existence.

He can vanish with the turn of a thought; click his fingers, and suddenly he’s not there anymore. Invisible and untouchable, he becomes a living ghost.

Having promised his mother never to let his ability go, Neil teeters the line between faded and real, a person and an echo. He can’t risk getting hurt.

But then, one day, someone sees him when they shouldn’t be able to.

A (flower-shop) AU about how a faded and lonely Neil finds it in him to become someone real.

Another fic that I need to catch up on ;; but anyway it’s amazing and I love Neil’s ability in it, it’s so well explained and well-written about

Chapters: 12/12

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: mentions of past abuse, panic attacks

12 Ways to Woo a Minyard by NikNak22 ( @knickknacksandallthat )

Neil is a math nerd who, by a stroke of dumb luck, falls into a group of friends that are the closest thing to family he’s ever had. So, when he tells them about his new mysterious crush, he shouldn’t be surprised how immediately they come up with a plan to help win them over. One they insist that if Neil follows it, he’ll have them falling for him in no time. But things don’t always go to plan – or do they?

Nicky wants to set him up with someone else. Matt and Jeremy are confused but supportive. Allison and Seth offer lewd suggestions, while Dan does her best to keep everyone in line. Jean and Renee know something, Aaron doesn’t really care, and Kevin just wants Neil to join the lacrosse team.

But one thing’s for certain – whether Neil’s successful or not, everyone’s got money riding on this.

The romance-trope-filled fanfic of my dreams. Sometimes you just need a fic of pure joy -- this is that fic.

Chapters: 14/14

Rating: Mature

Warnings:

finders keepers by moonix ( @annawrites )

Andrew meets Nathaniel through a scavenger hunt app. As their team takes part in a hunt that sends each of them to creepy, abandoned places alone to solve clues and gain points, Andrew and Nathaniel begin a little treasure hunt of their own. The anonymity of getting to know each other in small increments, never meeting face-to-face, allows them a level of intimacy neither are used to. Meanwhile Renee’s friend Neil is acting weird whenever Andrew shows up…

This was one of the first fics I read for aftg!! And BOY what a great start!! All of the little pieces and parts that work together, and just the scavenger hunt itself is fantastic! (I also REALLY wanna know if there is an app like this out there because I would be down to do that)

Chapters: 8/8

Rating: Mature

Warnings: (these all come from the author:) “mentions of historical abuse in a mental asylum, mentions of suicide, mentions of murder and kidnapping, morbid facts, creepy abandoned places including a haunted house at a theme park with disturbing rooms, special appearance of a creepy clown doll, fatphobia and some introspection on body image/complicated relationship with food, mention of self harm scars”

-----

Scared to Live (But I’m Scared to Die) by Major_816 ( @major816 )

Neil Josten goes to the Nest for Andrew, but he stays for a lot more.

"I'm sorry Coach," he muttered.

"For what kid?" Wymack shifted. "You've got to give me something to work with here."

Wymack watched the thin traces of sorrow as paper exchanged hands and he was looking down at a contract with the Edgar Allan Raven's.

"I signed them Coach, I'm sorry."

The one where Neil doesn't come back from Winter Break.

It is VERY dark, and is one of very few fics that I have actually been almost unable to read one of the scenes, so DEFINITELY pay attention to the warnings -- both these, and the ones provided for each individual chapter. I did go through the fic to collect as many warnings as I could find in the chapter warnings, but be sure to take care of yourself.

Chapters: 36/36

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: rape/non-con elements, implied/referenced rape/non-con, discussions of rape/non-con, canon-typical violence, graphic descritions, physical abuse, panic attacks, descriptions of injuries (often graphic), psychological warfare, dissociating, psychological torture, physical torture, use of knives, alcoholism/alcohol abuse, pain-induced delirium, rape/non-con, emotional self-separation, suicidal ideation/thoughts of suicide, emotional distress (which sums up the whole fic and also me while reading it), handcuffs/chains used as restraints, referenced/implied abuse towards animals, vomitting, begging, excessive use of painkillers, drowning, waterboarding, physical restraint, mutilation of an animal, mild hallucinations, non-con drugging, sleep deprivation, starvation, humiliation, the Butcher,

Also one of the first fics I read and 100% my absolute favorite fic!!! Which is adfjhsd a little worrying, considering, but it is what it is. Anyway. This fic absolutely wrecked me, and while it is technically complete, there is a sequel in the works! So! But I am so so excited for the sequel, and I am working on rereading this. It’s amazing. 1000/10.

#also!! btw i would love if anyone has more fic recs >> just an fyi >>#idk if demesh doesn't have a tumblr but i couldn't find one :(#also major816 for some reason i can never tag and idk why #aftg #all for the game #andreil #the foxhole court #tfc #andrew minyard #neil josten #fic rec #rec list

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imagine-that-100 · 4 years ago

Text

Why No Answer? | Part 2 |

Description of Part 1: Alex Turner x Reader (Female) | You’re woken up in the middle of the night to find Alex drunk and high on your doorstep. Looking after him proves to be a tiring and revealing ordeal.

Word Count: 12.8k

Warnings: Angst (from the past) but lots of fluff.

A/N: So this was requested by the lovely @psychkunox, really hope you enjoy this. I don’t know what happened, but I got very carried away with the word count yet again sorry about that ahha. I would recommend watching the Restaurant scene from When Harry Met Sally either before or after you read. It’s quite comical and will give you more context. Anyway though, Likes, Reblogs, and Feedback is always appreciated, but thank you all for reading, I really hope you all enjoy xx

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Read Part 1: | Here |

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“Al stop.” You scorn him in a whisper as he once again kisses the back of your neck as you stand in the queue for Space Mountain.

You really tried not to indulge in the feeling of his lips on your skin because it was an extremely addicting sensation. But you were in public, in Disney World of all places where everyone had their phones and cameras out, and the band were all standing in front of you in the queue.

“Alex.” You whisper shout again and pull yourself out of the hold he had on your hips when you felt him do it again.

You turn around and shake your head when you note the mischief in his eyes and the slight smirk gracing his pretty lips. You wanted nothing more to have them on your own in such a beautiful place but that couldn’t happen since you both decided you wanted to keep your relationship between yourselves for a while longer.

You were their photographer which meant that you didn’t want things to get weird with them on tour. And after you and Alex both decided to keep your relationship on the downlow when you initially started going out with each other, you sort of wanted to keep it that way, so nothing changed the dynamic of your group.

You were only 2 years younger than Matt and Alex, 3 years younger than Jamie and Nick, so you’d always been pretty close with them all. You thought of them all as your brothers as you were growing up as Alex had gone to the same primary school as you and Matt and they had been best mates since the beginning.

They met Jamie and Nick in High School along with Andy who was obviously initially in the band, before he stepped down and Nick took over. They had always been your family who’d taken good care of you and you knew just how lucky you were to have them all.

But obviously to them you’d always been Matt’s little, and sometimes annoying, sister. When they were 14/15 they all wanted nothing to do with you and you were certain Alex had hated you once upon a time, but that might have been because you were a 12 year old who’d started growing up having crushes on all of your brothers friends.

Thankfully they didn’t disown you completely as when you reached the less annoying age of 15, they didn’t seem to push you out as much. You liked hanging out with all of them, and you saw them more because they always had to come to your house because Matt couldn’t move the drum kit unless it was for a gig.

You’d always liked music as it had always been an escape for you. Like when the band were first starting out when you’d go up to your bedroom to escape the utter shit music they were making, and you’d have your Pulp and Blur records on.

There was a new band you actually introduced them too at the time which was The Strokes, which is comical in hindsight because if you’d never told Alex and Matt to listen to that record when they caught you humming along to Barely Legal, you weren’t sure Alex would have had the motivation to keep the band going and get it as big as they had become.

It wasn’t a secret that Alex’s hero was Julian Casablancas.

A few years later the band was getting bigger and the excitement in your household at them potentially making it big was intense. So much so that your Mum and Dad threw a party for them all when they got scouted and got the record deal.

It was at that party that Matt and Alex drunkenly agreed to let you be their photographer as soon as you were done with your photography apprenticeship. It was something they never forgot though and they did actually let you become their photographer.

So as soon as your apprenticeship finished in the summer of 2006, your 18-year-old self joined the lads on their tour. To say it was a dream come true would be an understatement.

Both you and Matt had loved photography your entire lives, stemming from when your Grandma bought you both a digital camera each one year for Christmas. Since then, it’d become your passion and your plan was to be a photographer anyway.

But being the photographer for Arctic Monkeys meant that you got to travel the world and see places you never thought you would, and you never got home sick because you already had your family around you.

You honestly adored your job.

In the breaks between their tours and them writing new material you would take other photography jobs in the years off, but that didn’t really happen for the first four years of them all being big.

Alex asked Domino if you could do their The Age of the Understatement tour too which you were surprised by, but of course you did it. A job was a job and you weren’t going to turn it down just because your brother wasn’t there.

Usually on the tours you’d stay in a separate bus from the lads because after the first week into the first tour you joined them on you saw what an absolute shit tip they all created. They were all revolting and all typical lads, being messy, every other sentence was a sex joke, and they were just revolting creatures.

To you it was genuinely a surprise they actually showered after every gig.

But thankfully with the years passing and being on tour busses became a constant for them instead of something new and exciting, they all got better. So, their Suck It And See tour was the first full tour you’d actually stayed in the bus with them.

Although sometimes you wished you hadn’t because that tour was where he met Breana and you definitely heard things you’d never want to hear again. You don’t know how the other lads weren’t scarred from the noises that came out of Matt’s bunk those nights.

All you had to say about it was thank god for earphones and ear defenders.

But you think it was on that tour that you started getting closer to Alex and the other lads. Mostly due to Matt being a love stuck puppy who spent most of his time with Breana but also because you didn’t want to burden him with your emotions.

About a month before the Suck It And See tour started in the February of 2011, your arsehole of a boyfriend texted you saying that he didn’t want to see you anymore. He was an arsehole for doing it over text and then not answering your calls afterwards, but he was an even bigger arsehole for getting with who you thought was your best friend as soon as the tour started.

Matt and the lads obviously knew about the breakup but due to them all having no social media none of them knew what your best friend had done to you. So, you cried about that betrayal in your bunk at night when you knew everyone else was asleep and you cried when you found moments of solitude.

They had enough going on with interviews and tours and you didn’t want them to burden them with your issues too. But that stopped when Alex walked in on your crying in the back lounge of the bus about a month into the tour.

Your ex best friend had just posted a picture of her and your ex who you still had the misfortune of having feelings for and you just crumbled. When you saw it you just couldn’t bear the thought of being around anyone else, so you slipped out of their presence and cried your way back to the tour bus.

Thankfully no one followed you in your time of crisis which meant that you got your uncontrollable sobs out of the way alone. But of course, someone came back to the bus and found you.

And that person was Alex.

He’d come back for another pack of fags needing the extra nicotine in the hours before a show. But all thoughts of that stopped when he heard crying come from the back end of the bus.

He walked past the bunks and opened the door into the back lounge to find you sat on the floor with your head buried into your knees and sobs were ringing in his ears. His heart dropped at the sight.

“Y/N what's wrong?” Alex asks, rushing over to you.

And when you didn't answer he called your name again. “Y/N?”

But you just shake your head and continue sobbing into your knees. So he begs, “Please talk to me, love”

He was kneeling down beside you, his hand coming to the back of your head as if to slowly coax you out of your hiding stop. And after stroking the back of your head for a minute, your head rises from your hiding spot but your eyes remain shut and you continue to sob.

Alex tries his best to coax you out of your sobs but you’re pretty much hyperventilating in front of him. After another one of the longest minutes of Alex’s life he manages to get you to slow your cries enough for words to fall from your lips.

“My life’s falling apart” You sob, still refusing to look at him. Your breathing is better but still erratic when you continue to tell him in a pain stricken voice, “I can’t carry on crying myself to sleep like this every night... I- I just want to feel normal again”

“What’s happened? Why are you upset?” Alex begs for you to tell him, ripping the tears from under your eyes.

The only thing that comes to mind is your previous relationship, so Alex asks, “Is it about your ex?”

You nod, tears still pouring down your eyes, “He’s taken everything Alex... My life is fucking ruined”

“No he hasn’t Y/N. You’re here, you’ve got us” He tries to assure you, but you just shake your head.

After a second you open your watery eyes and Alex can see how much pain they hold. They somehow contain even more when you speak the words out loud, “He’s going out with Y/B/F.”

Even Alex’s blood runs cold when he hears that. His words almost get caught in his throat when he asks, “What?”

You nod, sniffling a bit and wiping your own tears from your cheeks when you repeat, “He’s going out with Y/B/F.”

“Please tell me you’re joking” The words fall from his mouth before he can stop them.

You and your best friend had been together since day one, like you’d practically been friends since birth. You were practically sisters.

It was only the odd time Alex would come to yours and Matt’s house growing up and Y/B/F wasn’t there with you. You were the annoying girls he couldn’t escape.

Not that he still felt like that as you yourself had become a really good friend but back when you were 12 you were both so fucking annoying. But everyone knew that your and Y/B/F came as a pair.

You were the best of friends, and completely inseparable.

“I don’t think I’d be on the floor crying if I was joking Alex.” You whine, trying your best to stop your tears now someone else was with you.

You nod towards your phone that you threw on the sofa when you walked in the room and say, “Just look”

So Alex does. He takes your phone off the side and unlocks it knowing your password was your birthday and he quickly puts the numbers in and watches as it unlocks.

And his heart sinks at the proof that lays in his hands. There on the screen he can clearly see the picture of your best friend and your ex-boyfriend quite clearly together.

They were posed in the way couples typically posed for pictures and then there was another of them at the same party and they stood kissing, and Alex found it repulsive.

“This isn’t okay.” Alex looks up from the phone to see your head no leaning back against the settee, tears falling freely down your cheeks now.

You make no effort to look at him when you say, “I know.”

“Why didn’t Matt tell me?” Alex asks, a little confused.

Surely this was something that was to be at least hushedly whispered to the people closest to you.

“Because he doesn't know.” You say simply.

“Why?” He asks, locking the phone so you didn’t see the pictures again.

You told Matt everything these days. There was no point in secrets between you as you were adults and you cared for the other’s well-being.

You’d always been open with each other, minus the time that you went out to a party when you were 16 and came back with a series of love bites on your neck. All of the lads had been really shocked when you walked in a little bit tipsy with those on your skin.

Matt had been furious and a little disgusted knowing someone had been touching you in a romantic sense. So, it was no surprise to the other lads that when you were questioned on if something more happened, you pressed your swollen lips together and slipped up to your room denying that anything else had happened.

It was comical because it was clear to everyone else that it had gone further than someone kissing your neck.

Everyone took the piss out of Matt that night saying that someone had just taken his sister's virginity and it left the drummer mortified. But you always denied it to the full band until about 6 months later when Alex had asked you in the kitchen if you were actually lying or not.

Of course, Alex didn’t actually tell any of the others when you confirmed what everyone already knew. But that was the last time you’d ever lied to your brother.

So, hearing that your brother didn’t know about this shocking and frankly disgusting news in your life was concerning.

You looked up towards your brothers’ best mate and told him the truth, “Because I can’t ruin his time with Breana…”

You had to trail off because the lump in your throat was getting too much. So you swallowed it away before continuing, your voice still pained, barely above a whisper, “He really likes her and he doesn’t need to be worrying about me... She could be the mother of his children for all we know... I’m not ruining that chance because my life has fallen apart.”

“He’d understand Y/N/N.” Alex told you, once again leaning forward to wipe away your tears.

You shake your head, “It’s not fair.”

“And you think what’s happened to you is fair?” Alex questions, knowing full well that it wasn’t.

No one deserved this type of betrayal. Especially you.

You just started weeping again then and Alex brought you into his arms, needing to console you in a hug. Thankfully you didn’t resist his hug and Alex let you cry into his shoulder as you clung to him.

After a while of him rubbing your back and whispering you sweet nothings, he had to tell you, “You could have told me Y/N/N.”

You shake your head into his neck then, Alex could still feel the tears falling onto his skin. He just about hears you say into his shoulder, “You’re happy with Arielle, I don’t want you dealing with my shit either.”

“Your family, what hurts you hurts me” Alex tells you, “You’ve always got me Y/N… Always.”

After another five minutes of you both on the floor, Arielle walks in and is immediately worried seeing you sat on the ground crying into Alex’s arms. Alex just politely asked her to go and get Matt though which she did, and you didn’t oppose it.

You couldn’t deal with that on your own any longer and you were thankful for Alex being so kind to you. Your heart just fully melted in your chest later on after everything had been explained to everyone and he pulled you aside and gave you another big hug.

He whispered to you, “You’re going to be okay Y/N/N.” before placing a kiss to the top of your head.

The rest of that tour was filled with him making sure you were always okay and so did the other lads. But maybe it felt more personal to you when Alex checked on you because he was the one that found you.

It was him that just told you to cut them from your life completely and block them on everything as ‘they weren’t good enough for you anyway’. After you did that you felt better about your life. You’d cleared them from your Instagram, leaving no trace on your page that they were ever in your life and it was a difficult purge, but it definitely helped you in the long run.

The years without them in your life were tough but it had proven to be for the best in the end.

Because once upon a time you thought you were going to marry your ex-boyfriend, but now you were standing in Disney World with your boyfriend trying to steal kisses from you. And you wouldn’t change it for the world.

You give your boyfriend of 4 months a warning look, but his eyes just held mischief. You had to remind him, “They are going to see.”

“Then let’s go somewhere else.” Alex says moving back towards you, and ushering you to move up the line a bit.

“After this we’ll try and escape.” You promise, but he was really shit at turning you down and you wanted it to be believable. “But you have to actually pretend you don’t wanna go.”

He rolls his eyes but sighs, “Fine.”

After Space Mountain you announced to the lads that you wanted to go see the Disney characters next which they all groaned at. You first of all pleaded with Matt to come with you knowing he wouldn’t before the rest of the lads and one by one they all dismissed you.

The last person you asked was Alex and he surprisingly put up a good fight until you ‘wore him down’ and got your own way. You spent the rest of the afternoon going round with him and getting pictures of the both of you with the characters and you got a nice lady to take a few pictures of you both outside the castle.

Those were your favourites, especially the one where he was kissing you.

As you were walking back to meet the others who were already back at the bus, you felt the need to tell him something which you’d yet to say. You didn’t think you’d find a better time than walking hand in hand in front of the Disney castle after one of the best days of your life.

So you pause your walk back for a moment to kiss him one last time before you make it back to the others. The kiss was sweet, just like the whole day had been, and you definitely felt like it was the right time to say, “I love you Alex.”

Immediately a smile found its way onto his lips, and he was practically beaming with joy. “You love me?” Alex asks you in a little disbelief.

“Yeah…” You nod, a massive smile on your lips “A lot as well.”

Alex leant down and kissed you again then, this time though his arms wrapped around your waist and lifted you off your feet, spinning you around in his arms. It caused you to giggle into the kiss a little but you loved it.

When your feet touched the ground again Alex told you, “I love you so much Y/N”

“I know.” You grin as he’d already told you once before.

Alex just chuckles at you, “Alright Han Solo” which made you giggle.

“I love you more than anything Al, thank you for making me happy.” You tell him wrapping your arms around him, needing a tight embrace just so he knew you meant every single word.

His arms obviously snake around you, making you feel secure in the warm hug. And your heart melts once more when he kisses your head and says, “I love you more Angel, thank you for letting me make you happy.”

~*~*~*~

“Al.” You said attempting and failing to pull away from the kiss he’d trapped you in.

If you were honest, you really weren’t really putting up much of a fight to stop the kisses. You were in one of their many tents that this festival they were performing at had given them.

There was one for chilling out in, one that was essentially a bar, and a few more you’d yet to explore. But Alex had pulled you into one with the mass of beanbags in it and he wasted no alone time to have his lips connect to yours.

“Yes baby?” He says in his low voice and you could hear his hunger for you in his voice before he kissed you again.

It made your stomach flip as you knew exactly what he was thinking as you’d heard his voice like that many times since you started seeing each other. You both had to show some restraint though as anyone could walk into the tent, there was only a flimsy curtain between inside and outside.

You pull on his hair to make him pull away as you couldn’t do it yourself as he’d trapped you between him and a beanbag. Once his soft lips parted from yours, you told him seriously, “Wait until the hotel.”

“But I want you now.” Alex then pouts at you, confirming the explicit thoughts that were running through his head.

You tell him truthfully, finding his pout very cute, “And I want you, but I’m not shagging you in a tent.”

“Why?” Alex questions, looking around for a moment before his gorgeous brown eyes meet your Y/E/C ones again. He chuckles, “It's a really posh tent.”

You guess it was too post to actually call it a tent. It was huge for a start and looked very expensive. You definitely felt privileged to get to experience all of this with him and the band.

“Hun you had me all last night...” You shake your head whilst smiling like an idiot, “You can retrain yourself until we get back.”

“Not easily.” He pouts again and it makes you giggle which he once again finds adorable.

Another kiss is exchanged then but you don't let it get to what it just had been like. You stop it after he tries to distract you and deepen it again but you’re having none of it.

“You need to go or there gunna be like ‘what’s he doing in there?’” You say knowing he’d be asked to drink with them sooner rather than later.

Alex smiles knowing you’re right, but he chuckles when he tells you, “You know we have to tell them at some point, right?”

“Yeah I know, I just want as much of this tour to be as normal as possible.” You say, aimlessly stroking your fingers up and down the short hair on the back of his hair. You grin when you say, “I’d like to escape Jamie’s jokes for as long as possible.”

Alex just laughs then before he pecks your lips once more. “I don’t blame you Angel… But you can handle yourself. We’ll be fine.”

“I know.” You smile, feeling very content in this moment that you had with him. “I love you Al.”

“I love you too.” He tells you before he steals another kiss and gets himself up. “Do you want a drink?”

You shake your head whilst you get yourself comfy on the beanbag, also reaching to the nearby blanket to cover yourself with. “Nah, I’m good thanks. I’m gunna have a nap before the show.”

Alex smiles at you then, turning back towards you when he gets near the curtain to leave. He just stops by the curtain that divides him from outside and when he sees you getting curled up under the blanket.

He can’t help but nod and say, “Yeah.”

“Yeah what?” You ask looking back up to him standing there grinning at you.

Alex nods down at you in your cosy spot and continues, “Yeah, you were definitely meant for me.”

You grin like an idiot then before you tell him, “Love you baby.”

“Love you too.” Alex smiles and sends a wink your way before he heads out of the tent.

You can’t help but shut your eyes and snuggle into your new ‘bed’ with a massive grin on your face. But when you hear Miles say, “Oi Al, you dickhead. Come and have a shot.” you just start giggling.

~*~*~*~

You were absolutely plastered, and it was really making Alex laugh. Even more so than it usually would because you were trying your best not to be obvious that you wanted his affection.

You were a clingy drunk which was absolutely fine, and all the lads knew that, but watching you slip up around him and having to make up for it with the other lads was really comical for Alex.

You’d just come over to Alex after you’d beaten him at pool and teased him for being shit. To which Alex was shooting digs back at you but all you did in response was laugh, call him a sore loser and ruffle his perfect hair up which you knew annoyed him.

So Alex had just forced your hands out of his hair by grabbing your wrists and stopping you from doing anything more. He gave you warning looks like he would have done any other time you annoyed him before you got together but you also noted the looks as a reminder of the secret that you’d set out.

That was what led you to sitting on Jamie’s lap and talking his ear off about Katie whilst playing with his wavy hair. He threatened you to get off it, saying he’d cut it all off which you at first drunkenly pleaded with him not too but then you changed your mind saying he could definitely pull off a Peaky Blinders cut.

Once off Jamie you went on to have some flirty banter with Miles as Nick and Jamie played pool. Alex was watching you with an amused look on his face as his best mate was teasing you about not being on the pull whilst being in a bar with everyone.

You came back with things like, “Aw Miles, I couldn’t do that to you. I know you’d cry yourself to sleep if I entertained anyone elses flirting besides yours.”

Alex also found your laugh adorable when Miles kissed you on your cheek and Matt told him to leave you alone and to stop flirting with you. It was times like that that made Alex glad his best mate didn’t know about the two of you yet.

But after Nick’s game of pool finished and Nick won, he was calling it a night, despite it being relatively early. It seemed that you knew your tolerance though and decided to head back to the bus with Nick.

So you then went around the other 4 lads who were staying and made a bit of an effort to kiss them all goodnight, Alex presumed so you could kiss him. Something which proved to be correct because you came to him last after kissing all the other lads, including your brother, on the cheek and came to give him one.

“Thank you for my drinks” You drunkenly smile at him and Alex grins down at you in an amused way.

“You’re welcome love” Alex chuckles at your tipsy state and you then force a hug upon him.

He obviously hugs you back but he’s aware of his mates looking so he doesn’t make it completely obvious that he’s enjoying the hug as much as he is despite him really wanting to. He wanted nothing more than to kiss your lips instead of you leaning in to kiss his cheek.

When you left his arms, he smiled at you and you moved back to your brother and made him give you a hug. Something which Matt did but not without a roll of his eyes, but Alex could tell it was a playful one.

“See you in the morning guys.” You say with a smile after linking your arm through Nick’s so he could help you walk back.

Everyone said bye to you then and their attention was on the new game of pool again. But whilst it was Matt’s go Alex let his eyes focus on you.

You were so cute, he wanted nothing more than to take you back to a hotel away from the others so he could just be with you all night. But Alex also understood why you wanted to keep it a secret for a while longer.

Tours were long, and he knew you’d both be bullied about it for a while from the others, which you were both prepared for. But you were due to be on the road for the next year with AM due out in September.

The plan was to tell them as soon as interviews back home started so you didn’t have to be around the joking for long. Alex was used to it after Alexa and Arielle, but he knew you weren’t, and he respected that.

So that was why he denied it when the lads began to question him on it about 5 minutes after you left.

“What’s going on?” Matt asks as Alex pots another ball into the pool table.

Alex grins thinking Matt was just fuming he was losing. As Alex moves around the table to eye up another winning shot, he says, “I’m beating you at pool

“No.” Matt shakes his head, earning eye contact from his best mate. “I mean with Y/N/N.”

“What do you mean?” Alex asks as he leans over the table to play his next shot, “She’s just gone back with Nick.”

“Don’t think he means that.” Miles grinned at him after he missed the tricky shot he’d chosen.

Alex raises his eyebrows in a questioning way, getting the feeling that people were catching on to how you were around each other.

And that suspicion is confirmed when Jamie says, “You’re very touchy with each other.”

“Touchy?” Alex laughs, as he watches your brother take another shot, “Jamie mate, she was on your lap earlier.”

“Yeah, but she keeps like teasing you and messing with your hair and shit.” Matt chips in with his observations after missing his shot on the stripped balls.

Alex rolls his eyes, “Matt, you literally fucked with my hair earlier today and Jamie did it yesterday... You all like to fucking annoy me by doing that.”

Alex continues to defend the both of you even though he wishes he didn’t have to. “You know what she’s like when she’s drunk, she doesn’t leave anyone alone.”

“He has a point; she didn’t shy away from me kissing her.” Miles points out raising his pint to the drummer.

Matt fakes a gag then and says, “Leave her the fuck alone Kane.”

“But she loves me.” Miles pouts, resting a hand over his heart like Matt’s words had hurt him. “You definitely want me as your brother-in-law.”

Alex smiles to himself knowing that he was now 6 months ahead of Miles in that category. God, he loved you. He could definitely see a bright future with you, and he had every intention to marry you one day in the years to come.

“I’d rather go to a Radiohead gig.” Matt says which earns a laugh from everyone, knowing how the hatred between the bands still hadn’t died out.

~*~*~*~

A month later you thought you were doing well. You were very careful around everyone after Alex told you about the questioning he got after the bar.

You were just normal with each other throughout the days, not overly interacting with each other. But when Alex’s eyes were hidden by his sunglasses, he couldn’t help but let his eyes wonder.

And it definitely helped that it was your job to take pictures of him. You could stare at him all day that way, even if it was through a camera lens.

Moments alone came when you’d stay in the bus when they went on nights out and Alex would venture back early meaning on nights like that, he actually got to give you goodnight kisses like he loved doing. Other moments took place when he would wander off at the multitude of festivals they were doing.

You’d say you were going getting pictures of different acts that no one else wanted to go watch. Alex would say he was going for a walk about 20 minutes later. Purely coincidence that you met up with him on his walk after you’d taken a photo or two.

Other times you snuck into each other's hotel rooms about an hour after you’d all gone your separate ways. But it was your nights in the hotels that you loved the most.

You got your privacy, and it was secure. The same as it was when he came to your house before the tour or when you went to his.

You loved being alone with him.

And tonight, all the other lads had gone out to a party somewhere and Alex had been faking an illness all day so he could stay in and they wouldn’t ask questions. They wouldn’t think it was weird you not going because you rarely went out with them.

They knew you valued your sleep too much.

So that was why you were alone in the back lounge with Alex tonight. And you’d honestly had one of the best nights being your normal cuddly selves.

You’d just watched a film with each other whilst being cuddled up on the sofa and you very nearly fell asleep in his embrace, but you weren’t wasting a full night alone with him. After the film you both went out and got yourselves a takeout from a place just down the road.

You made it into a full date night which was fucking adorable. After food, you coexisted normally for a little while, Alex letting you lean back against him whilst you edited your photos on your night off.

You were a pro at it after so many years, so it took no longer than an hour for the ones promotion wanted of them all. Alex was quite happily watching you edit the pictures of him and his friends as he absentmindedly played with your hair, placed random little kisses on your neck or on the back of your head, and at one point he even sang.

It was a really beautiful song, one that you’d only heard once before when he let you listen to the album when it was finished.

You only knew the title because he said it often in the song but having your boyfriend softly sing Mad Sounds into your ear as you worked you wished you could freeze time and appreciate it. His voice was amazing as everyone knew, but hearing it so close and so soft, it was hard to keep shivers from running down your spine.

“Such a beautiful song Al.” You smile closing your laptop as you’d finished what you needed to do and he’d finished singing.

You turn to him a bit more and he smiles back at you, tucking a stray strand of your hair behind your ear. “Like you then.” Alex grins before pressing his lips to yours.

You smile into the kiss as the comment was very adorable of him, but when you pulled back bullying was in order, “You’re so cheesy.”

“You love it.” Alex grins as you get up and put your laptop away, but you grab your small Lumix camera and come to sit back down.

You grin as you come and sit back down, this time straddling his lap so you could get a few close ups of him looking cute. You bring the viewfinder up to your eye and once you see his adorable smile on the other side of the lens you capture the perfection.

“I do.” You grin back at him.

You like that Alex never shies away from you when you have a camera in your hand. You knew after this much time that he trusted you with what you were capturing, especially in these moments together they wouldn’t be seen by anyone else.

“However…” You say, putting the camera down for a moment, “Me and your music are nothing alike.”

Alex frowns at you a little then, his hands running up your thighs, pulling you a little closer, “I think a certain track and our text message history would claim otherwise.”

You roll your eyes then knowing he was talking about Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High? But when he grins at your eye roll you quickly snap another picture of him.

“I guess I shouldn't have got involved with a lyricist if I didn't want songs about me, should I?” You ask with a knowing smirk as you pull the camera away from your face.

You don’t bother checking it on the screen as it pops up, you already knew it would be a good picture. Not because you took it, but because it was of him and he was happy.

“No, probably not.” Alex chuckles as he takes the camera from you before raising it to take one of you.

You give him a pointed look after the photograph and joke, “You better hope you get to release your B-sides before Matt catches on.”

“I’ll be murdered, I have no doubt.” Alex grins and you burst out laughing at him being dramatic.

Alex thinks you look gorgeous though, so he raises your camera back up and you let him, not having a problem with him taking your picture. You smile at first but after he gets the first picture, he keeps looking through the viewfinder so you then puff your cheeks out jokingly and move closer to the camera.

Alex chuckles from behind it and he moves the camera from his face so you can both giggle together. He steals a kiss from you which you gladly accept, and you can't help but bite your lip afterwards.

He just looked so good. His skin was flawless these days and the fact that all of his fair wasn’t around his face anymore made his stunning jawline stand out. His brown eyes that were usually always hidden by sunglasses were shining brightly and the smile on his lips really showed how happy he was.

And seeing him happy made you happy. You could safely say you truly loved him. You’d do anything to keep you both as happy as you are now.

Whilst you’re deep in thought, Alex raises your camera back up to his eye which breaks your daydreaming about his features and you playfully roll your eyes.

“Smile for me Angel.” He asks and you do for one shot because he is pretty cute and pretty impossible not to smile at.

“Beautiful.” Alex confirms when he quickly looks down at the screen seeing the picture, he just caught of you.

“Like you then.” You use his own words against him with a playful smile.

Alex then puts your camera down to the side and with his newly free hand he cups the back of your neck and mumbles a ‘very good’ before bringing you in for a kiss. Playful and sweet were the only ways to describe it.

You just adored this alone time with him, sitting on his lap at the back bus, which was usually a very crowded area for you all to use, and you were kissing each other like it was just yesterday you got together. Everything still felt just as exciting and new and you never wanted his lips off yours.

You loved that it was you who got to run your fingers through his hair and pull on it when you wanted a kiss to carry on longer, like you just did. You loved the way his large hands held your hips, keeping you close to him.

But mostly you loved that he was always wanting affection. You’d not been in a relationship for a very long time so it made you nervous initially but there was something about Alex that you craved, and his affection was definitely one of those things that you were addicted to now.

You never wanted moments like these to end. But of course, that wouldn’t be realistic.

“I fucking knew it!”

You both pull away from each other to see Jamie with his jaw agape by the door. And your heart dropped to the ground.

“Jamie.” Alex says before Jamie can run out of the room.

“Oh I can’t fucking believe it.” He says, still stood there with his jacket in his hand but he looks like his whole world has ended. “I’ve gotta go get Matt.”

The panic in you rises then and you practically just off Alex’s lap and grab your intruders’ arm before he can turn back, “Jamie no, don’t.” You plead, pulling on his arm to come into the room.

He turns back towards you then and he lets himself be pulled into the room. His head is still baffled though which leads him to say rather loudly, “You’re shagging, aren’t you?”

Your eyes go wide at the volume of his voice and you scorn, “Jamie.” quietly as you pull him further into the room so you can shut the door once more.

His eyes go wide impossibly wider though and he gasps, “You are!” looking from you to Alex who was still sat down.

“Matt is going to fucking murder you.” Jamie chuckles looking Alex dead in the eye as you ensure that no one else is on the bus by looking down through the bunks (thankfully all the curtains were still open) to the front lounge and you saw no one down the other end.

“Jamie please don’t start.” You hear Alex say, evidently not wanting this to get out of hand.

You close the door and turn around to the still very shocked man and say, “I’ll explain just please shut up and sit down.”

So you did explain that you’d been seeing each other for months. Jamie was shocked because he only started to suspect something a month into the tour.

But after he’d let the information sink in, it wasn’t really so shocking anymore. Which is why you’d got onto the conversation of why it was still a secret after you’d been going out for months.

“You know he’d be fine.” Jamie tells you, sitting down opposite you both, trying to persuade you to tell Matt. “He wouldn’t actually kick off, you can both do what you like.”

“It’s not really just about Matt.” You tell him honestly from your point of view. “It’s about all of you making jokes and shit for months. I didn’t want that.”

“Y/N we wouldn’t do that.” Jamie says leaning towards the both of you from the other sofa, but you’re having none of it.

“Cookie you’re the worst one for it.” You say with a pointed look.

You then point to Alex, who you were sitting beside now and say, “I remember what you were like with him and Arielle.”

And it was a lot. They joked about it all the time to start with, and it was annoying for you, let alone Alex and her.

“Him and Arielle were different.” Jamie states, a little on the defensive side, but then he follows it up with, “You don’t make funny videos for a living, I actually respect you a hell of a lot for putting up with us.”

You shake your head and tell the tipsy, but now definitely more sober man, “You’re not that bad.”

“Oh, we are.” Jamie says and you laugh because you were just being polite.

They could be a handful sometimes if you were telling the truth. But you wouldn’t change anything about any of them. You loved them all because of who and how they were, and they were all your family.

Jamie follows up with, “I'm genuinely surprised you actually want to go out with him after knowing what he’s like.”

You giggle at that and just pout as you joke, “I know, but you’re taken Cookie, so I went for the next best thing.”

“Hey” Alex scoffs, looking towards you, pretending to be offended.

You and Jamie just laugh at him though, and you intertwine your fingers when you grab Alex’s hand to hold as a little apology. You’d be sure to actually swear to him that you were joking later though.

Jamie notes the gesture and he can see the little knowing smiles on your faces and his heart melts a bit for the both of you. You were both pretty cute with each other to be fair and the more that Jamie had been playing detective about it he thought that the two of you would be a pretty good match.

So he was genuinely happy for the both of you.

“And as for the jokes…” Jamie continues, causing the two of you to look back around at him. But Jamie looks at you as he says, “If it upset you, you know I wouldn't do it”

“I don’t mind the odd joke about me sucking his dick or whatever, but I’ll go crazy if that's all I hear about for the next year.” You tell him honestly.

You could handle jokes, it wasn’t anything new. They joked about your first boyfriend to Matt for the longest time and had done each time you got a new one.

You could take a joke. But not 24/7 like this tour would promise it would.

“Okay, never say that again.” Jamie pleads, the shocked look not coming off his face, but you and Alex just laugh at his reaction.

His head goes into his hands for a moment but afterwards he looks at you both and says, “Yeah, you don’t have anything to worry about, joke wise, until I get comfortable with this dynamic because that was strange coming from your mouth.”

“You’ve heard me say worse than that, surely?” You ask, very amused by his discomfort.

Jamie just blankly says, “Not about Alex… And you’re practically my sister.”

“Sorry Cookie. I’ve got a right to say rude jokes about my boyfriend when I want to. He can say ones about me but from your reaction I don’t think you want him to.”

He then looks Alex dead in the eye and begs, “Please don’t.”

You both just end up laughing.

~*~*~*~

You decided after that night that you would think about being more open to telling Matt about everything that was going on. Thankfully Jamie was quite respectful of the whole thing and actually kept your secret.

He didn’t make things awkward for you both either, if anything he helped you both out a lot. Sometimes when you were out with them Jamie would keep the others entertained so you could escape with Alex for a little bit on a ‘fag break’ which would consist of stolen kisses.

Other times when you were all out, Jamie would lowkey guilt trip Alex into going back with you early so no one asked questions which you loved him even more for.

During this month that Jamie knew though, you’d been trying to come up with a way to tell Matt. Because you weren’t stupid, you knew this couldn’t go on for much longer.

Each time you tried to tell him though something would happen which meant that you didn’t. Once you froze, unable to tell him because you just genuinely didn’t know how to.

It wasn’t exactly something that you could drop on him and expect him to be fine with. Your nerves probably didn’t help but other times when you worked up the courage to do it, other things would go wrong.

Matt was in a foul mood one of the times, so that was a no go. Miles and Nick came in and interrupted another time before you got the words out and it was like a never ending series of unfortunate events that stopped you.

Alex had politely offered to do it after a few failed attempts but you said that you’d be more comfortable doing it. Partly because you thought that you should be the one to tell your brother and partly because you knew Matt wouldn’t hit you.

But there had been multiple failed attempts since then so you thought that you may actually make it to the end of the summer festivals at this rate.

It was nearing the end of August now and you were all staying in a hotel again tonight as you’d got to the city they were performing in the day before the show. You were pleased because it meant another night in with Alex so after you’d all had your dinner downstairs you’d given him your spare key card for your room so he could come to you whenever he liked.

Alex told you that he was looking forward to using it and he was excited to spend another night with you. It warmed your heart hearing that and when he rang you at 9:30 saying he was just running to the shop to grab the both of you some snacks, he said he’d let himself in about 20 minutes when he got back.

And that is why you were a little surprised when there was knocking on the door about 10 minutes later. You thought that was fast for a start but you gave him the key card so you wouldn’t have to get up and answer the door.

“Come in!” You shout across the room hoping he would hear you.

It seems that he does but his muffled response is, “It’s locked.” when the handle doesn’t budge.

You roll your eyes and mumble, “That’s why I gave you a key.” under your breath as you get up off your bed and head to the door.

And you’re about to scorn him but when the door opens you don’t find your boyfriend. You find your brother.

“Hey.” Matt says, stepping into your room after the door opens.

You’re shocked by his presence but try and act as calm as possible when you say, “Hey, you alright?”

Thank fuck you were still dressed. And thank fuck Alex wasn’t already here because you didn’t want him to find out like that.

But then you realised he’d be here in 10 minutes or so. And that made you want to get Matt out as quickly as possible.

“I’m fine, are you?” Your brother asks once he picks up the complimentary chocolate that the hotel had put on your bed which you were saving for later.

Any other night you would have ripped the shit out of him for coming in and doing that but now was not the time. You were borderline panicking as you were about to be caught out. But you try and disguise that as best as possible.

“Yeah, great thanks.” But really you’re just thinking, Shit.

Your brother asks you, “What do you have planned for tonight?”

Thinking on your feet all you can come up with is, “Just editing more pictures.”

“Fancy blowing it off and watching Netflix with me?” Matt questions and you all of a sudden feel really guilty that you want him to leave as much as you do.

You pull a little bit of a face at his question and try to carry on your lie, “Oh, I would but I’m honestly not feeling all that great after tea, so I was just gunna get an early night after I’ve done a few more pictures.”

“Funny that.” Your brother states when you turn away from him to grab your laptop from your bag as he sits himself down at the end of your bed.

You move towards the little desk that was in the room though and ask, “What is?”

“Alex isn’t feeling too well either.”

Well shit. You were too alike for your own good, coming up with the same excuses without telling the other.

“Oh?” You question, shitting it at this point, so you just open up your MacBook to distract you. “Maybe it was something we ate downstairs?”

All your brother replied was, “Doubt that because I had the same thing as you both.”

You choose no response as your best response and just continue to pull up a picture of Matt you hadn’t finished editing on photoshop yet. Being creative always eased your nerves so hopefully him watching you edit a picture of him would distract him.

“Y/N.” Matt says, trying to gain your attention.

You instead just carry-on messing with the photograph and suggest, “Maybe you should go check on our friend bro, could be being sick for all we know. Wouldn’t make for the prettiest show tomorrow”

“Y/N…” Matt says once more, and you know he wants you to look at him.

So you do and you see your brother sat on the end of your bed, looking at you. He asks in a serious yet calm tone, “Is Alex really ‘just a friend’ anymore?

Well. You guess you didn’t have to find a way to tell him anymore.

You sigh and shake your head, “No.” and as you close your laptop you tell the truth, “He’s a lot more.”

Matt can tell you’re serious straight away just by the way you were looking at him. And it makes him shake his head a bit in disbelief. He says calmly but in a tone that worries you, as he also runs a hand through his hair, “I knew it.”

“Please don’t be angry Matt.” You all but beg as you turn in your chair towards him more. “It’s my fault we didn't tell you sooner... I didn’t want things to be different with the group, so I was the one who wanted to keep it a secret.”

“You know you didn’t have to do that, right?” Matt has to ask you, feeling awful that you felt like you couldn’t tell him something. “I just want you to be happy... Al’s practically family so of course I want the same for him.”

“I know, I’m really sorry…” You trail off for a second, “It just got to a point where I didn’t know how to tell you and when I tried to things always got in the way.”

Matt nods completely understanding that. At least you wanted to tell him.

“When did it start?” Is the question Matt asks you next.

“New Year’s Day” You say quickly before wincing a little, hearing that it has been 8 months out loud.

You felt so bad.

Matt is shocked by that news too, “That long...? Really?”

“Yeah.” You nod, feeling awful, “I’m sorry.”

Matt ends up asking you a few more questions after that which were pretty much big brother sort of questions, making sure Alex was treating you right and stuff like that. Thankfully this had all gone very plain sailing and Matt was happy for you like you both knew he would be.

And he had forgiven you for not telling him for so long too which was a big relief. It felt like a massive weight off your shoulders.

So much so that you had to get up off your seat and give him a hug. Matt stood up for the embrace, so you got to hug him properly and it was such a lovely warm hug that you felt like you hadn’t had in such a long time.

Halfway through that long hug though, both you and Matt hear the door to your room unlock. You press your lips together and wince a little knowing exactly what is about to happen.

“Hey Y/N/N.” You hear Alex say from somewhere behind you and you let go of Matt and both of you look towards Alex now closing the door, not yet noticing the situation.

After he closes the door though, he begins to say before he turns towards you, “I got you thes- oh”

Matt smiles though seeing your favourite flowers in his best friend’s hand. You can’t help but smile at the sight of them too, and his face falling realising Matt was here was a little funny too.

He looked a little scared.

“I’m glad you’re treating her right Al.” Matt tells him, and Alex struggles with his words for a second and he looks to you for help.

“I just told him.” You nod confirming it out loud for him.

Alex’s eyes go from you back to his best mate then and he starts, “Listen Matt, I’m sor-”

But Matt interrupts, “No no I don’t need an apology.” He shakes his head, “Just don’t fuck it up.” He then looks between the both of you, “Either of you... Because that would make for a really awkward tour.”

You smile at that and say, “I don’t plan on doing, and I know he doesn’t either.”

Matt grins at you then and he looks back to Alex and takes a few steps towards him. He points a finger to his chest and says very seriously, “Make her cry Turner, and I'll castrate you.”

Alex slowly nods, “Noted”

Matt must then break into a grin because Alex does too, and your brother then heads over to the door.

Matt turns back towards you and says, “Have a nice night love birds.” and walks out with a grin and he shuts the door behind him.

Both you and Alex stay silent for a second looking at the door almost in disbelief that the thing you’d both waited 8 months to do, was now over. Alex turns around to look at you and you’re both just awkwardly smiling at each other.

Alex puts the plastic bag filled with snacks down on the table he was standing beside and says, “Well you could have pre warned me.”

You shake your head, “I didn’t know he was coming. But he asked me to watch Netflix with him and apparently I gave the same excuse as you.”

“Oh fuck. Clever, aren’t we?” Alex chuckles a little and you nod in response.

Alex holds up the flowers he got for you and you can’t help but smile, “Well, I was hoping to surprise you with these, but you definitely won on the surprise front tonight.”

You giggle at that and you lean up to kiss him after taking the flowers from him, “Thank you my love.”

You briefly put them down whilst you say, “At least we don’t have to stay away from each other anymore.”

“Never going to let you go now Darling.” Alex chuckles before picking you up in a hug and spinning you around. You can’t help but giggle.

The next morning you both ventured downstairs to have breakfast with the others and found that they were all there waiting for you at your table with knowing looks. You and Alex just had grins on your faces knowing Matt would have gone around and told them all before you even got the chance.

They were all of course happy for you but of course you got some jokes and some questions. Jamie had got a bit used to it now, so he was starting with his jokes in private to you but when you sat down, he asked the both of you, “Suck his dick last night?”

“Wow, you’ve been waiting for that one, haven’t you?” You laugh, sitting yourself down next to him, immediately reaching for the menu so you could see what was on offer for breakfast.

The table obviously all laughed, and it was all fun and playful as you imagined it would be. You were glad Matt wasn’t cringing at all the details that you were giving out, as it was things like how far back moments happened, like when Alex asked you out officially and stuff like that.

All of the lads seemed really happy for you and even some of your other friends that were a part of the crew were shocked but buzzing for you. Alex got loads of people saying, ‘You better treat her right’ which made you laugh a lot.

But thankfully it was business as usual, just with the addition of getting to hold his hand and kiss him the odd time when you wanted. You’d rather most of your affection be in private though so not much had really changed on the social front.

Even when you were trying to be discrete about it, you didn’t find it too hard because you were still just the same Y/N and Alex. You’d been friends for years, so the dynamic shift wasn’t all that drastic.

You both were just the same friends that you could walk next to each other and it just be normal. You didn’t have to be touching each other all the time, you’d go walk with Miles or Nick and just go spend time with Alex every now and then.

You were glad that things never felt too different.

You guess the only thing that marginally was different was the first night back on the bus after you’d been staying in the hotel. You were all heading to bed and when you came out of the bathroom after changing, you headed to your own bunk, but then realised you didn’t actually need to.

Alex’s bunk was the top bunk in the middle, so you walked right past your own and straight to his. He was just in his boxers like most of the lads usually were when they slept on this bus.

“Hey.” You say with a big smile.

“Hey.” Alex grins, his messy hair almost falling into his eyes. He makes you smile when he says, “Was just about to come kiss you”

“Vile.” You hear Miles gag from the bunk directly below and you look down at him and frown.

“Miles, he kisses you... What are you on about?” You question, not understanding.

They were literally always touchy feely with each other which you thought was cute and adorable. They’d always been great mates and were close enough to actually perform together using one microphone.

So it made you laugh when Alex lent down over his bunk to say, “Little offended there mate.” to his friend.

Nick bursts out laughing at your backchat and Alex’s hurt and you chuckle along before you glance back to your boyfriend. Once his head was the right way up again you smile at him.

“I can join you for the night now, right?” You ask him and you love the smile that comes to his lips.

He nods, “Course you can.”

So Alex shuffles back in the bunk, enough for you to comfortably jump up and once you lay beside him you can’t stop grinning. It definitely felt weird to be in a bunk with him for everyone to see but it definitely makes you happy, even if it was a tight squeeze.

“Hi” You grin at him as he’s on his side, his back pressed to the wall of the bunk, looking down on you.

“Hey beautiful.” Alex says before he leans down and kisses you.

You of course kiss him back but after a second you quickly part so you can reach down to the curtain and pull it closed. You doubt that Nick wanted to watch from the bunk opposite.

As soon as your lips were back attached to Alex’s though you hear Nick whisper shout to everyone, “It’s starting!”

If your eyes were open, you would have rolled when but you just try to keep the smile off your lips, so you don’t ruin the kiss. And thankfully you both controlled yourselves enough to hold your smiles so you could indulge in a very nice kiss.

“If I hear anything come from that bunk, you don’t want to know what will happen.” Matt calls out loudly and you break apart from the kiss to laugh.

It seems like everyone else found it comical too, but it was even funnier when Jamie asked him, “What are you gunna do? Cry?”

“Fuck off Cookie.” Your brother says back, and you chuckle at that too.

You and Alex keep your curtain closed as the rest of them chat away and you get yourselves comfortable in the bunk. You are basically cuddled together in the bunk, with the duvet over you both, you still on your back and Alex tucked into your neck as he lay on his side.

You were glad you didn’t feel like you were about to roll out of the bunk, so it definitely made sense you were that way around. That and Alex quite liked to pick his head up every few minutes and trap you in another kiss.

A trap you certainly didn’t mind.

Usually when you all got in your bunks, curtains would stay open as you would all chat to each other and one by one curtains would close until you were all knackered and pass out until the next day. So, it wasn’t a shock that tonight you were all talking for quite a while, you and Alex just chatting to each other quietly in your bunk, liking the privacy that the curtain provided.

But after about 15 minutes someone shouted your name, popping yours and Alex’s bubble.

“Y/N?” You hear Jamie call you.

You smile knowing a joke was bound to come your way and respond, “Yeah?”

“I’ve got a question for you.” He informs and you can practically hear him smiling.

You grin at Alex and shout back to Jamie, “Okay, go on.”

“You know because you’re a photographer... Does that mean you take pictures of you and Alex in the bedroom?” Jamie asks teasingly and your immediately roll your eyes, but it doesn’t stop you from playing along.

“Shit.” You say jokingly loud, “How do they know?” You scorn Alex jokingly and he’s just silently laughing.

“Matt.” You call and joke, “Maybe don’t go through that SD card tomorrow.”

Earlier on he asked to see some of the pictures after the gig tonight and you said he could look through them before you started editing them tomorrow.

“I’ll burn it” Matt says back, and you just start silently giggling.

“What are you both up to in there?” You both hear Nick ask.

Alex says in a teasing voice, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Both of you have another few kisses in the time between those jokes and the next time you were heckled. But you were just cuddled when they next started joking.

“They are very quiet up there.” You both hear Miles say.

You shake your head and Alex sighs a little as you hear the rest of them chuckle.

“You doing good? You getting it up, Al?” Miles asks and you both feel him punch the top of his bunk, subsequently the bottom of yours.

You aren’t surprised when Alex doesn’t grace him with an answer.

“Very quiet indeed.” Nick laughs, more than likely looking down at Miles so they could share a laugh.

Jamie seems to jump in then with, “They are definitely biting their tongues.”

“Fuck off all of you.” Matt gets defensive but that just makes it comical.

You decided to upset your brother then by pretending to be annoyed when you scorn them, “You’re all really ruining the mood.”

Alex chuckles at that then, even though you weren’t doing anything. That is what made it funnier to him though.

“Sorry, do you need silence for Alex to get you off.” Jamie asks and it makes you roll your eyes at the question.

You reply, “No.” as an idea comes to mind.

“So you don't mind us carrying on talking then?” Miles asks teasingly. You can practically hear the smirk.

You backchat with, “Not if yous don't mind some noises too?”

“Fire away Hun.”

You brother almost shouts in distress, “No don’t. Both of you stay very fucking quiet.”

Jamie defends you both then, “Oh right so it’s alright when you and Breana fuck but when it’s Alex and Y/N you’re suddenly a prude.”

An argument starts out then with Matt defending himself and then Jamie defending you and so on and then it becomes a big thing. But you find it quite funny that Matt is getting annoyed, so you decide to make your own joke too.

“Al” You whisper, and he looks up at you for you to ask him, “Have you ever seen When Harry Met Sally?”

“Yeah, I watched it with you on the last tour.” He whispers back, reminding you.

You remember him doing now. You’d all had a movie night on the bus during the Suck It And See tour and because you were a little depressed they let you choose the film and you chose that one because it made you laugh.

“Okay, good.” You smirk knowing exactly what you were about to do.

Your boyfriend doesn’t yet get it though, so he asks in a whisper, “Why?”

“Alex” You say a bit louder, a smile you couldn’t hold back drawing to your face.

“What babe?” He asks you and you have to close your eyes, so you don’t break and start laughing.

You try to make your voice sound sultrier and you fake moan louder, “Oh god.”

At that though the boys arguing dies down as Alex whispers, “What are you doing?”

You hold your laugh and, “Alex.” falls from your lips in a breathy moan. And it’s loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Y/N, fuck off.” You hear your brother shout, clearly not amused.

You however come straight back with a very load moan of, “Alex fuck.”

“Matt I’m not touching her.” Alex shouts and you open your eyes to see Alex propped up to the side of you, looking at you like he was scared.

You don’t give it a second thought before you gasp even louder, “Right there Al”

You can hear Miles cackling below you both and you don’t let up with the moans you’re making despite wanting to laugh too. Next you raise your hand up to the ceiling of the bunk as if you’re using it to brace yourself, “Fuck.”

“Oh my god, don’t stop.” You plead in a desperate way as you look to your mortified boyfriend.

“Y/N shut up.” Alex whispers, but it just makes you carry on more.

The fake moans fall from you lips, filling the bunks with your pleads and gasps. Alex is still mortified, but the laughter coming from Jamie, Nick, and Miles just fuels you on.

You go fully Sally Albright on them. A series of loud moans leave your lips like:

“Yes Alex yes!”

“Faster.”

“Oh god.”

“Don’t stop!”

Alex shouts over your loud voice, “Matt, I fucking swear I’m not touching her!”

The way you moan, “Fuck Al” seems to just dismiss what Alex said straight away though.

“Stop!” Matt shouts back, obviously angry now.

You immediately contradict in a fake moan, “Don’t stop!”

“Alex!” You all but scream as you bang on the ceiling of the bunk again a few times.

You go to take it a step further, but you’re apparently not allowed, “Fuck, Alex plea-”

Your boyfriend puts his hand over your mouth so you can’t carry on. However, you just start dramatically fake moaning, and it sounds a lot dirtier because his hand is over your mouth.

You carry on until you get a rise out of Matt despite Alex pleading with you to stop with a scared look on his face. But you know your brother was about to stop so you just looked at your boyfriend’s gorgeous brown eyes and carried on.

And before you know it Matt is swearing getting himself out of his bunk and the curtain of yours is practically ripped open. As soon as you see sight of your brother you stop the fake moans completely as if it never happened.

Alex holds both his hands up in the air as if he’s being held at gunpoint. Matt can quite clearly see you're fully clothed and have a massive shit eating grin on your face.

“Damn that was good, thanks Al.” You joke to your boyfriend but you’re looking at your brother.

Matt holds up a finger at you and warns, “You’re on very thin ice right now.”

He looks angry and embarrassed all at once. He’s bright red but looks absolutely fuming so you can’t stop your laugh.

You giggle questioning, “Why because you know your best mate can fuck your sister?”

Jamie bursts out laughing at that and you crumble into a louder laugh.

“Stop it.” Alex gasps, playfully hitting your shoulder once again looking petrified as he glanced from you to your brother.

“I don’t need to hear whatever that was.” Matt scorns you and you’re very quick to give him some backchat.

“Did you just admit to us all that you’ve never given Bre an orgasm? Because if you don’t know what those sounds were then I feel sorry for her.” You joke back trying to be cocky.

Jamie’s laugh echoes through the bus and you can hear Miles cackling from below. You could see Nick gasping for breath in a fit of laughter and Alex gasps in shock from beside you.

“You need to fuck off Y/N.” Matt gives you one more death glare before he stalks back to his bunk.

“Oh pull the drum stick out your arse!” You say getting a little annoyed at how your brother couldn’t take a joke. “You better hope our hotel rooms are never next to each other.”

“Shut the fuck up. I won’t tell you again.” Matt says as he gets back into his bunk and shuts his curtain in a strop.

“Aw…” You pout turning back to Alex in your bunk. You give him a quick kiss and then joke, “Better save the next orgasm for the next hotel Darling.”

“I’m begging you to stop talking.” Alex shakes his head, still looking at you a little shocked that you’d actually done what you just had.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you from Matt.” You giggle, and you say louder so the bus can hear you, “He’s not that scary... Just gotta bring up the time he shat himself when we were in the bat house in Chester Zoo and he quietens right down.”

You all hear Matt shout, “Fuck off!”

You and everyone else on the bus, bar Matt, started laughing then and you were still giggling away when you cuddled yourself into your boyfriend's body. Jamie and Miles begin to applaud you during their continued laughter which just makes your giggles difficult to silence.

Alex is still half shocked as he cuddled you into him, loving your humour but not actually believing you just faked an orgasm that loud on a tour bus surrounded by all your mates and your brother. He shakes his head and kisses the top of yours before telling you, “You’re gunna be the death of me.”

“Least it’ll be a fun death.” You joke and Alex laughs.

“You’re right.” Alex chuckles when you look up at him. You're grinning like an idiot and Alex tells you, “I love you, you psycho.”

“Love you too, weirdo.” You grin and proceed to kiss him sweetly.

After the kiss though you actually want to go to sleep in your boyfriend's arms peacefully. So despite Nick, Miles, and Jamie all still chuckling away, you turn back towards the curtain to redraw it and as you do you catch Jamie’s eye.

You wink at him before drawing the curtain and Jamie wolf whistles, which has you and Alex giggling away together as you cuddle yourself into him once more. You kiss Alex once more before playfully calling out to the others who were still laughing, “Night boys”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Thank you for reading x

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haitanirindo · 4 years ago

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zukka fics that live in my head rent free!

1. what did you bury before those hands pulled me from the earth (what were you digging) by draco_sollicitus status: complete (18k words) rating: mature pairing(s): sokka/zuko summary: Sokka is immortal; it's been tested, he knows that he can't die. He's immortal, but he's not quite a god like his sister, Katara. He's immortal, but he's not quite powerful like his friends Aang and Toph. He's just sort of Sokka: good at fixing things, good at playing pranks, good at helping people. When a bet against Toph goes horribly wrong, and an attempt to save him goes even worse, Sokka finds himself the unwilling guest of the Lord of the Underworld. And, strangely enough, every story Sokka's heard about Lord Zuko seems to be ... completely wrong. (Also, he's really handsome. Why does he have to be handsome?)

mythology nerds come get y’all juice. a very good fic. 10/10

2. Where I Want to Be by through-the-stars-to-the-pavement status: WIP (83k words) rating: explicit pairing(s): sokka/zuko summary: "'The fog was where I wanted to be.'" Everything is different. The pitch of his voice, his posture. The auditorium goes silent. No one can take their eyes off of him.… He's amazing. Zuko had to perfect the art of acting as a child to survive the horrors of his homelife. When he got older, it was only natural to take his talent to the stage for entertainment and escape. Enter Sokka, a craftsman and set designer with a giant heart who is haunted by plenty of ghosts of his own. A tale of trauma, disability, family, creativity, and love.

this is one of my all time favorite fics. it’s seriously so good and i think about it often

3. Teaching a Heart by @i-write-shakespeare-not-disney status: WIP (114k words) rating: teen and up pairing(s): sokka/zuko summary: Sokka is asked to go to the Fire Nation to teach the crown prince how to sword fight. When he arrives, he's surprised to learn he has to pose as a companion before he can teach the stubborn prince because he rejects every teacher. Far from home and among new customs, Sokka struggles to gain the prince's trust and friendship despite the uncertainties of the customs and dynamics he sees. As he slowly finds answers to his questions, his bond with the prince grows until it becomes something far more ardent than friendship. Doomed as it may be with the prince's approaching wedding ceremony and coronation, Sokka and Zuko find themselves consumed by what they find in each other.

i have no words, i just love this fic and it makes me weep.

4. The Road Between Action and Inaction by @donvex status: complete (17k words) rating: teen and up pairing(s): sokka/zuko summary: Sokka does a shitty k turn in the parking lot across from the bus station, pulls up to the curb where the boy is looking determinedly at his phone, and rolls down the passenger window. “Hey! Which way were you going?” He may die, but at least his conscience will be clear. The guy blinks at him. “Don’t.” Oh, he’s prickly. Or: the hitchhiker au, featuring Sokka and Zuko falling in love without even realizing it.

a classic. roadtrip fics own my ass.

5. purrfect for eachother by lesmiserablol status: complete (3k words) rating: general audiences pairing(s): sokka/zuko summary: “Let me teach you how to be a cat person,” Zuko says. “Learning from the master himself,” Sokka grins. “Alright, this can’t be too hard. Show me what you got.” (because sometimes, it takes going to a cat café four times to realize you're in love with your best friend)

this whole series is adorable, reading it is self care

6. Ashes Inside When You Finish Your Song by @muncaster status: complete (47k words) rating: teen and up pairing(s): sokka/zuko, aang/katara, mai/ty lee summary: Sokka writes lyrics for his sister’s band. Zuko plays piano and is unnecessarily nice. Fellas, is it gay to write love songs about your friend and his golden eyes? (AKA, a modern band AU featuring The Gaang, crappy software equipment, homoerotic lyrics, and the realization that maybe, if you think about a guy every night before you sleep, you just might be in love with him.)

i think this is the longest one-shot i’ve ever read and it’s so worth it

7. a study in matchmaking by @verdanthoney status: complete (12k words) rating: general audiences pairing(s): sokka/zuko, aang/katara, bato/hakoda summary: Zuko and Sokka try to play matchmaker, but things don't go exactly as planned.

this fic makes me want to scream, in the best way. it’s so cute

8. A Predictable Story by mindbending status: complete (7k words) rating: general audiences pairing(s): sokka/zuko summary: "On this night, you shall share a kiss with a great love of your life!” That lying, scummy Aunt Wu predicts a grand romance for Sokka. To disprove her "fortunetelling" once and for all, Sokka decides to spend the night with least romantic person he knows. Zuko.

again, i have no words. this fic is cute as hell

9. that’s murder, buddy by @bisexual-atla status: WIP (14k words) rating: teen and up pairing(s): sokka/zuko summary: Throughout the streets, on quiet nights, it was rumored the screams of those missing could be heard. Some say the sounds were coming from underground. Where were the young girls? And what was happening to them? Was an evil spirit haunting Gaoling, or something more human? More sinister? My name is Zuko, and you’re tuning into another episode of ‘That’s Murder, Buddy’. Or: Sokka has no idea that his crush is the host of his favorite podcast. (But everyone else knows.)

i love the entire concept of this one, we love oblivious sokka

10. We’ll play hide and seek (to turn this around) by @crosspin status: complete (5k words) rating: general audiences pairing(s): sokka/zuko, bato/hakoda summary: Sokka gave him a sheepish smile. “It’s…well, you see, there’s this boy…” Hakoda sighed and set down the sports section. This was going to take a while. “He works at Barnes & Noble. At the big information desk in the middle. Every Saturday. And I really want to ask him for his number, but it’s super awkward because there’s always this other guy working the information desk at the same time. He’s old, like you. But I have a plan." Sokka’s eyes lit up deviously. “You come with me to Barnes & Noble today when they’re working and distract the old man. And while you have him distracted, I’ll swoop in and get the goods!” Sokka has a plan to ask out the cute boy at the bookstore. Hakoda is a begrudging participant until he meets the boy's beautiful older coworker.

this fic!! this fic! adorable, incredible, magnificent

11. feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe status: WIP (88k words) rating: teen and up pairing(s): sokka/zuko summary: [Time passes oddly. Between one second and the next, Sokka has the Fire Lord pinned to the wall with his hands around the bastard’s throat. Golden eyes (one gold eye, his mind whispers) widen in shock. “Sokka?” he chokes out. And then he smiles. What the fuck? “Sokka, I—” Sokka slams his head against the wall, once, twice, and the smile wipes off his face. Good. “What,” Sokka bites out, “have you done to my sister?”] Or: An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends. Yeah, nah.

if you’ve been following me for a while you know this fic fucks me up beyond belief

12. breakable heaven by @fruitysokka status: WIP (43k words) rating: teen and up pairing(s): sokka/zuko summary: With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

this just in: sokka and zuko being oblivious makes me want to yell

this turned out a bit longer than i expected but it also doesn’t even cover all my favorites. i had to stop somewhere, or i’d be here forever. maybe i’ll make a part two someday.

anyway, enjoy!

#cas recs things #fic rec #atla #zukka #cas speaks #text #zukka fics #zukka nation

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scuttling · 4 years ago

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Small

Fandom: Criminal Minds Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Latina OFC Sophie Cortes Word Count: 1,077 Tags: 18+, NSFW, Pre-relationship, Loss of virginity stories, Jealousy if you squint Summary: Aaron overhears an interesting conversation on the jet. Collection: Sophie Cortes timeline, 7-12 Months at the BAU (See Masterlist for reading order) Link to AO3 or read below! Sometimes, Hotch’s team can be so impressive, so professional, so formidable, that it makes all the other bullshit—the constant bureaucratic red tape, the endless protocol, dealing with other law enforcement, even his divorce—actually worth it.

Sometimes, they act like a bunch of sixteen year olds, and it’s almost a nightmare.

“Oh come on, I want to know how Miss Emily Prentiss lost her v-card,” JJ says one night when they’re flying home from a case, too wired to sleep. Hotch takes care to pay absolutely no attention to the tales being shared of how the members of his team lost their virginity, because it just seems… wrong.

He is not only their superior, but far older than them at forty-four, and while he’d prefer they weren’t having this conversation at all, the least he can do is do his best to ignore it.

“Ugh. Mine is a long story, and a little unusual,” he hears Cortes say after a couple of minutes; his ears perk up at her voice, and he’d say he’s not sure why, but he’d be lying to himself. She always captures his attention, no matter the setting.

“Sweetheart, nothing about you is usual,” Morgan replies, and it earns a laugh.

“Thanks, I think.” He risks a glance, and she’s shifted forward in her seat, clearly prepared to tell a story. “So three things to remember going into this: I was 19, so I was stupid; I was 19, so I was horny as hell; and, you know—I’m small. So anyway, I was dumb and horny, and when a few of my friends found out I hadn’t had sex yet they acted like it was a huge deal, which we know as adults is not the case. But I said, okay, if it’s such a big deal, then help me have sex. It’s not like I didn’t want to.”

“So why did you need help? I’m sure you were cute as a button,” JJ teases, and Cortes scrunches her face like she’s embarrassed to admit it.

“Because I was stupid, and small, and... afraid of big dicks?” Hotch is glad he’s good at keeping a straight face, but the others don’t bother, laughing out loud and making her shriek. “Hey! It was a very rational fear! You don’t know what’s going on down here, or you’d understand,” she says, gesturing to her pants. “So anyway, they went on a mission to find me someone who would admit to having a small dick, which is fucking impossible on a college campus, because people like to overinflate their egos and proclaim to be gigantic.”

“Sophie, no.” Prentiss frowns, exaggerated, and Cortes nods.

“Yeah, it was so embarrassing. They didn’t name me or anything, but they described me, and it was pretty obvious. Anyway, they did eventually get a taker, a professor; he wasn’t my professor—or not at the time, anyway, but that’s another story.”

“A professor? Naughty girl,” Morgan chides playfully, and Cortes groans.

“Yeah, I know. He was 30, so it should have been weird, but he was really cute and shy and sweet. He took me out to dinner, and then we went back to his place, and… you know. His dick was like training wheels. Now when I sleep with someone I hand out one of his business cards after. ‘Like the sex? Thank Professor Lambert.’” The part about the business cards is clearly a joke, but he can’t believe the rest of the story either.

“I can’t handle you. Afraid of big dicks,” JJ says with a grin. “So was it any good? Did you, you know… feel it?” Cortes raises her eyebrows, smirks a little.

“It was really good. He knew what he was doing with what he had, which is honestly the most important part. And, uh. I figured out what I was doing too,” she says, a little self-conscious; she puts a hand in her hair, one of her tells. “I don’t have a very long list, but he’s easily the best so far. We made it kind of a thing for a couple of months, until he actually became my professor.”

“He could have been a psycho,” Reid chimes in, surprisingly enough, and Cortes laughs.

“So could someone I met on a dating site, or in a coffee shop,” she points out, but Reid makes a face of confusion, wrinkles his nose.

“But he was just… signing up to have sex with a girl he didn’t even know. Out of nowhere. That’s weird.” She leans in to look at him specifically.

“What if there was someone out there who was looking for a guy just like you, in particular, for some reason; you wouldn’t go for it?”

“I think I’d feel a little weird about it.” Hotch tends to agree, but he’s not in the habit of policing what other people do with their bodies, even if he doesn’t like this particular story.

“Well that’s okay, but he didn’t, and I didn’t. And it was mutually beneficial: He’s a little chubby and had confidence issues about it, and I helped him get over it. Apparently having a girl all up on you in every position known to god will do that to a guy.” She leans back in her seat, and Morgan smirks. Hotch makes it a point to unclench his jaw.

“So is he, like, ripped now? Your magic virginity unlocked the key to washboard abs?” She scoffs, shakes her head.

“No, he’s still chubby, he’s just happy with himself as he is. I follow him on Instagram.”

“Do you guys ever meet up?” Prentiss asks with a wiggle of her eyebrows, and although it’s a question part of Hotch doesn’t want to know the answer to, he can’t help being curious.

“No, he’s married now, but I might if he wasn’t. I’m telling you, it was memorable.”

“Okay but the real question is: did you get over your fear, or are you all about that small dick life now?” Morgan asks with a grin. This, of all things, is what makes Cortes blush.

"Let's just say I learned that with a little extra preparation, all things are possible.”

“Okay, okay. You get the award for best loss of virginity story. Can’t top that,” JJ says, and they shift to topics a little more comfortable, but Hotch has lost all focus and can barely make sense of the words in front of him.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner/original female character #aaron hotchner fanfic #latina original female character #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #small

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let-them-read-fics · 4 years ago

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Ghostin'

Requested By @heyziggy: "Song prompt -- 'Ghostin' by Ariana Grande. Reader is dating Rosé and misses her lost lover."

Pairing: Rosé x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~ 3,676

Warnings / Misc. -- Angst, Death, Crying, Some Cursing, Some Fluff, Happy Ending

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: Did I write this between the hours of 1 and 8am? Yes, yes I did. Inspiration struck and I was able to crank this one out pretty quickly for you! I'm happy with it, and I really hope you guys enjoy it. Let me know what you think :)

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

There they are again. Those eyes that have haunted you for the past year, turning what little progress you've made to dust within a second. People say time heals all wounds, and yet that's never felt further from the truth than it does right now.

A rough tremble wracks through your body as you toss and turn, your limbs reaching out for someone that'll never be there again. She's calling out to you, her arms outstretched as she waits in vain. Your feet are rooted in their spot and no amount of effort possible can make them budge. Tears roll endlessly down your cheeks, a steady stream that feels all too real in the moment. As you scream out her name, you faintly hear your own being called; it's distant, but accompanied by a strong grip on your shoulders.

"...Y/N."

Upon jolting awake, your eyes open to find Rosé hovering over you, propping herself up on her elbow. A thin sheet of sweat has formed on your skin, and you attempt to ground yourself by looking up at her. Slowly but surely, her features overtake the ones still burning in your mind from the dream and you're able to breathe again. She brings a hand up to your cheek, brushing her cool fingers against it lovingly.

Despite the darkness, you can see the bags underneath her beautiful eyes. "I'm sorry, baby."

She simply shakes her head in response, whispering, "Shhh, it's okay. I'm here to take care of you."

In one motion, you pull her into your arms and bury your face in her neck. This isn't the first time this has happened, and you curse yourself for forcing her to grow accustomed to it. She tries to disguise how much it affects her too, but her efforts are always futile; you can read her like a book, knowing that every time that name falls from your lips in a hushed shout, her heart breaks a little more. She doesn't blame you for a second, but neither of you can deny the strain it puts on your relationship.

She adjusts the two of you so that you're laying against her as she soothingly rubs your back. Sweet words of affirmation are whispered into your ear, and the tears you've been holding back soon begin to fall. Some drop from her eyes as well, but she takes comfort in the fact that you're in her arms, allowing her to hold you. Most of the time you push her away, leaving yourself to suffer alone in some cruel form of self-punishment. But now, if only for tonight, you let yourself sink into her warm embrace.

----

1 Week Later -- The Anniversary

12 months ago, today. That's when your world shattered for the first time and everything fell apart. Your heart had been free of such pain until that fateful day, innocent and unaware that sadness like that even existed. That was the first time you ever truly questioned a higher power, baffled that any 'benevolent ruler' could steal such a bright light away from the world. Your first love -- the girl you once imagined spending forever with -- was killed in a hit and run, left to die alone on the pavement.

A majority of your youth belonged to her: the two of you grew up together, slowly falling until you had enough courage to make her yours. Countless memories were made, back when you had no idea how much they'd mean to you in the future. Life was fun with her: she made the mundane things interesting, and the adventures unforgettable. She was unashamedly herself, never stopping for a moment to give a damn about what anybody else thought of her. The two of you had each other, and that's all that really mattered. She was everything to you.

She was.

You still find her in the little things. Whether it be a commercial for her favorite cereal, a bottle of her signature perfume catching your eye as you shop, or even just a flash of her favorite color, you swear that she's still around. After spending so many years with her, it's nearly impossible to imagine her gone. She was so full of life and enthusiasm when her presence still graced the Earth that the thought of her being faded, that twinkle in her eye forever extinguished, seems like an insult to her legacy.

How are you supposed to move on from something like that? Rosé has been one of the only things keeping your head above water ever since she walked into your life, but a limit exists to what even she is capable of. After getting absolutely no closure, not even being able to see the perpetrator brought to justice, you're left to pick up the pieces. You've always been the type to deal with things on your own, finding it selfish to bring your loved ones down with the weight of your pain, but even you have to draw the line somewhere.

Perhaps that dream had been a sign -- some type of cosmic warning for what was soon to come -- because that line was crossed today.

Her family requested for you to return to your home town and celebrate her life with them. The invitation was extended to everyone she had touched before her life was taken, and even those who wished to show their support despite not having the privilege of knowing her personally. You agreed, and spent the day surrounded by people just as sad as you.

It was strange, at first; being back in the place you had so desperately tried to run from to escape the reality of what happened. But seeing all of them again reopened wounds that had never really gotten the chance to heal in the first place. Her parents' faces, so tired and troubled beneath the mask they attempted to put on, struck a chord within you. Her brother tried to be strong for them, you could tell -- but upon hearing his stifled sobs coming from upstairs, you could see how much it all still affected him. Your old friends were there as well, and their stories of your shared escapades only broke your heart more. It was a physical pain now, the once dull pinch giving way to a full blown ache. As you walked around her house, replaying all of your experiences with her, you felt empty again.

She meant so much to everyone she ever uttered a word to, and yet she was gone in the blink of an eye. You'd think that someone as incredible as her would get some sort of divine protection, if you will -- a blanket of defense against such a cruel fate. But life works in ways we don't understand, and we have to find a way to deal with that. You'd hoped returning here would help you on that quest, but you've come to learn that no one really has access to that elusive answer.

Though the day brought on the reunion of so many of you, it ended just as it had started: none of you any closer to closure. It would take time, no doubt, but you wished more than anything that the road to peace was a little shorter.

-----

Rosé

Sweet, incredible Rosé. She waltzed into your life two months after the incident. A breath of fresh air in every way, she brought light back into your life. She refused to stand by and watch as you slowly destroyed yourself, letting the walls crash down around you. She made everything secure again, successfully keeping you sane and grounded.

Falling in love with her was never something you saw coming. The emotions took their time in building up, every considerate thing she did for you adding to your list of reasons for loving her. It all accumulated until you couldn't hide it anymore, and even she could tell that she was getting through to you. Your fragile heart seemed to forget about its brokenness, because it soared at the mere sight of her.

The day she asked you to be her girlfriend was an emotional one, to say the least. You accepted without hesitation, but a nagging voice in the back of your mind suggested that being with Rosie was a treasonous act. Trying to move on felt wrong; your confused heart sent mixed signals, thinking it possible to wait for your ex's return.

But Rosie dealt with it perfectly -- better than you could have ever wished for. Not one time did she try to take your ex's place; she always respected your process and boundaries, and she never drew comparisons between your relationships. Rosé knew from the get-go that times would get rough, but she never shied away. Arguments happened, as they do with any couple, but she watched her tone and always took time to think before she spoke.

Constantly, she worked to get you to let her in. Sometimes -- rarely -- she succeeded. On the nights that you found yourself crying over her again, your heart aching like usual, Rosie was always next to you in an instant. She hated seeing you so distant and hard on yourself, and she vowed from the beginning that she would be a positive influence in your life.

------

The Birthday

2 weeks ago, Rosé had requested today off in order to be by your side. Your ex's birthday is today, and Rosé knows you'll need her more than you're willing to admit.

"Baby, wake up. Let's get some breakfast."

She rolls over to wake you with a kiss, only to find you already sitting up with tears in your eyes. She reaches up to wipe them away, but you dodge her hand before she can. That's what she can't stand. Having you push her away, effectively keeping her at arm's length, hurts her so much more than you know.

Although she's talented at reading you, truth be told Rosé has absolutely no idea how today will go. You've yet to experience a day like today -- your ex's birthday -- without her here, and even you don't know what'll happen. Your mood is capable of changing in a whipstitch, so you'll have to see how the day plays out.

"Y/N, please." Her eyes are pleading as you look at her again, and they rake over your sad features. Your bottom lip trembles as more tears threaten to overflow, and you sink your teeth into it to quiet yourself. Wordlessly, you do as she asks: you press your forehead against hers and let out a broken sigh as she strokes your arm. Her touch is comforting beyond belief, and you can't help but feel like you don't deserve it. Constantly putting her through the same shit makes you feel like a terrible person.

"You're too good to me."

She goes to shush you like always, but you don't drop it this time.

You gently scoot away from her, meeting her eyes as she mimics your actions and raises her head.

"I can see that it gets to you, Rose. I hate myself for hurting you… I just keep letting you down."

She's prepared to ease your fears from the start, not willing to get into an argument right now. "Stop, okay? I knew what I was signing up for when we started dating. I'm a big girl, Y/N. I can decide when I want to stay and when I want to go. I knew from the beginning that we would have these struggles, and none of it has made me change my mind about you."

Her words make your heart flutter, but you still have plenty on your mind to discuss with her.

"You deserve someone without so much baggage. I can't pretend like I'm not still affected by it."

"When have I ever asked you to do that?" She cocks her head to the side, quirking an eyebrow as she waits for you to respond.

"You don't have to, babe. Seeing what it does to you is confirmation enough." You shrug lightly, allowing your eyes to break away from hers for a moment as you gather up what other words you want to say.

"You'll never admit it, not to the full extent, anyway, but I know I'm hurting you. That's the last thing I want; you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy."

"Jagi, do you really think our relationship makes me unhappy? I'll admit that this isn't always easy, but no relationship is, and never once have I even thought of leaving. You seem to forget about yourself in all of this; your happiness is just as important as mine."

She chooses to ignore the self-deprecating scoff you let out at her last sentence, opting to just continue with her train of thought; convincing you to value yourself is a battle for another day.

"So please, let me in. I want us to get through this."

"I do too, baby. So so much. I just can't help but think you could find someone better. I'm a fucking charity case at this point." You drop your head now, avoiding eye contact at all costs. You know she'll be upset with you for thinking so lowly of yourself, but her disappointment almost certainly pales in comparison to the contempt you hold for yourself.

With a heavy, tired sigh, Rosé hooks two fingers underneath your chin and gently lifts your head. "Y/N, look at me. I don't know how to make it any clearer to you: you are the person I want to be with. I want you in my future, and in order to make that happen I'm more than willing to help you deal with your past. I know it's not simple; I know it's never going to be easy; but I want you. All the strings attached."

You blink at the sincerity behind her words, a bit taken aback that she's so steadfast in her decision to stay with you. You've spent so much time convincing yourself that she's only with you because she feels sorry for you that you were blind to the true extent of her love. It's consistent and unwavering, and you've never felt more valued than when you're with her. To her, you never were nor will you ever be a charity case; she loves you because you're imperfect; because you need her just as much as she needs you.

"Okay."

The simple word from you is more than enough to put Rosie at ease, and she doesn't even try to stop the smile that spreads across her cheeks as you pull her into your lap for a hug.

A light squeak from the bedsprings serves as the only sound in your room as you silently hold one another. She knows that 'okay' was your way of telling her you're ready to let her in.

"I love you." You whisper against her neck, allowing your lips to brush against her soft skin. Both of your collars are wet with tears following the emotional moment you just had, but neither of you care.

"I love you, too, baby." She returns, pressing a kiss to your temple.

After spending a moment just holding one another, communicating your emotions through light touches and kisses, you lift up onto your knees and lay her back onto the bed. She cups your cheeks, loving how they feel beneath her fingertips as you stare into her eyes. Your hands sit on either side of her torso to hold you up, keeping you in place as you smile down at her. Intimate moments like these hold a special place in her heart, and she can never get enough of them.

"I'm so afraid of losing you, Rosie. God, you have no idea how much the thought of it terrifies me." You shut your eyes now, willing away the images of a life without her.

For some reason she had never really considered that to be a cause for your unreachability before. Looking back now, it makes perfect sense; losing someone so close to you in such an unexpected way can definitely make you afraid of getting close to people again. What if you lose them, too?

"I can't predict the future, my love, but I can promise you that I'll spend the rest of my days on this Earth next to you. And I'll find you in whatever comes after, too; you're not getting away from me that easy."

The last sentence is playful, and you smirk at her lightheartedness. She knows just what to say to lighten the mood.

"You're the greatest." You say, leaning down to capture her full lips in a meaningful kiss. She hums into it, pulling you flush against her body as she flips you over.

"Oh really?" She teases, pressing feather-light kisses to your jaw. She can feel your heartbeat pick up, and she grins cockily at the effect she has on you.

"M-mhm." You mutter out with a slight stutter, tracing your hands down her body before letting them rest on her hips.

"Why don't you show me, then?" She's straddling you now, and she pulls away from your neck to gaze down into your darkening eyes.

Soon the room is filled with a high pitched squeal as you pounce, pushing her backwards until her back hits the mattress again.

"As you wish, princess." You say, giving her a little salute before kissing her again.

She smiles against your lips and lets out a joyous giggle at your antics.

-------

The Second Anniversary

"Are you ready, baby?" She asks, turning to look at you and gauge your reaction.

You let out a jagged breath, the air leaving your lungs a bit unevenly as you try to steady yourself.

With a nod, you exit the car and walk around to open Rosie's door. "Such a gentlewoman." She says, garnering a genuine smile from you. Her playful tone calms you, and you peck her lips in a sweet kiss.

"Come on, let's go inside."

At your words, she slips her hand into yours and the two of you begin your journey towards the house.

The rest of the day goes by better than you had ever imagined possible: Rosé joined conversations easily, and she offered plenty of comfort to everyone in need of it. Her presence is enough to lessen anyone's pain, but she truly showed her skills today.

Towards the end of the celebration, your ex's parents pulled you away from everyone else and into the hallway for a private word.

"We want you to come visit her, with us."

Your first instinct is to adamantly refuse, but the looks on their faces are enough to give you pause. No amount of time can make up for the loss they've had to endure, and you know they wouldn't have asked unless they really needed you there.

"Okay, we'll be there."

They pull you in for a hug, and Rosé tears up at the emotional moment. She sends you an understanding look once you eventually meet her gaze from across the room, and you give her a sad smile in return.

----

The Visit

"Hey, baby; it's us again. Everybody came by earlier and it was so nice."

"You would've loved it, baby girl. We all miss you so much."

They hold each other close as they take turns speaking to her, their voices a little stronger than you remember them being last year. Slowly but surely, they're learning to adjust to life without their daughter.

You turn your head to the side, burying your face in Rosé's hair to distract yourself from the sadness creeping in. You hadn't come back to the cemetery since her funeral, so even just standing there causes the memories to come flooding back. Rosie's grip on you is strong, and you thank her for that; without her you'd surely be a wreck by now.

A few minutes later, her parents step to the side and look over to you in a wordless request for you to say something.

"Hey, champ." You crouch down next to her tombstone, missing the way her parents smile at the old nickname you used to call each other.

"It's me. I hope you're happy up there… you deserve to be. You'd better save us some good seats." You tease, reaching up to dust some dirt off of the sleek surface of stone. The material is beginning to become rougher, you note to yourself.

"Thank you for taking such good care of Y/N. I owe you the world." Rosie smiles bittersweetly, resting her hand on your shoulder as she looks down at the picture on the tombstone.

Something -- some unmistakable force, a gut feeling -- tells you to look up. You listen to it, slowly raising your head until you can see the expanse of the cemetery in front of you. The evening sun is giving way to a breathtaking sunset, and the remaining golden rays filter in through the leaves of the tall trees overhead. A flash of brown hair catches your eye, and you almost gasp at what you see.

There she is.

Your ex -- well, more specifically, the ghost of her -- stands amidst the tree line that borders the property. She raises a hand up to wave at you, offering a peaceful smile as she glances between Rosie and you. You smile your own lopsided grin at her, and soon after, she fades away completely.

Inconspicuously, you look up at her parents. They have a knowing look on their face as you stand up and loop an arm around Rosé's waist, pulling her in close to rest your forehead against hers. She kisses your cheek before using her finger to poke the soft surface adorably.

"Ya know," her father starts, pulling your attention away from your girlfriend.

"She visits us too, sometimes." He finishes with a smile.

A content feeling settles within your chest at his words, and you let out a soft sigh.

She always was a sucker for happy endings.

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agirlunderarock · 3 years ago

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Febuwhump Prompts 2022

For someone’s convenience, I don’t know if its mine or yours, I’m compiling a list of all the prompts I did for this year in one easy place. Hopefully I get to them all. We’ll see what happens. Almost all of these are going to end up being Obi-WanXOC or OCXClone OC or general. I’ll try to keep this updated as the month goes on.

Also a note on these, there are a lot things in these short writings that I absolutely would like to explore more of- I just didn’t have time to get to in these fics. LIterally these were pumped out in two three days at most with very little editing at times and it shows. Regardless of that though maybe you’ll enjoy them maybe you won’t either way they’re here.

Some of these are subject to change as I write, but I'm doing my best to keep it updated

1. Head wound: Obi-Wan is injured during the battle of Umbara

2. Failed Rescue attempt & Day 3 Blood loss: Sas tries to help her friend Pyrrha find her brother when things take a turn for the worst

4. Nightmare: Sas has the worst nightmare, Obi-Wan does his best to comfort her

5. "Let me see": Obi-Wan burned in his fight with Dooku during Geonosis I Sas has just the thing to take care of it

6 &10 Hypothermia "I dreamt you were alive" & "How long has it been": Hera has a dream about what could have been. An old friend does her best to help Hera work through some things

7, 17 & 20. Used as an experiement "I'll never forgive you," Left Behind & Caged: Bo-Katan reflects on her past while attempting to free Mandalore from Maul

8. No Anesthesia: Sas going into labor on tatooine

9. Kiddnapped: Crix being taken by Ventress on Christophsis

10. "How long has it been?": See 6

11. and 16. Chronic Pain and Hidden Scars: Sas' back pain. She only just realizes how much of an issue it is, but Obi-Wan takes care of her

12. Spiked Drink: Sas volunteers to shift into Padmé the first time the council wants her to spy on Rush Clovis

13. Won't Regain consciousness Friendly Fire: Chip's POV of 66 and watching Cody give the order to shoot down Obi-Wan

14. Can't go home: ROTS Sas and Obi-Wan dealing with the aftermath of 66. Sas finding out she can't go back to Zolan, the conversations leading up to them going to Tatooine

15. Hidden Scars: Crix and Balls- she finally sees the scar from where his chip was taken out and he tells her what happened during 66, how he never got to apologize or tell Obi-Wan that his brothers didn't choose to do it

16. Does that hurt?: Sometime after Kavados? Sas helping Obi-Wan clean some wounds so Chip can tend to Pyrrha

17. Self-inflicted wound Left Behind: see 7

18. Forced to watch: Kenobi to Mandalore AU: Sas captured by Maul. Obi-Wan made to watch her die/bargain for her life

19. Delirium: The first few weeks on Tatooine are rough for Obi-Wan, Sas does her best to help him

20. Caged: See 7

21. "Help them": Sas at the temple during 66 a dying creche master asks her for help to get the younglings out, could actually be combined with failed rescue attempt

22. Restrained: Getting caught during Geonosis I and being chained up

23. Don't Leave!: Sas going to help the 501st on Umbara

24. Too weak to move: Sas brings Padme onto the ship on Mustafar

25. Muffled screams: Crix and Balls-He's captured and being interrogated about rebels

26. Please don't do this: Sas begging Obi-Wan not to confront Vader on the death star

27. Shower Breakdown: Sas tries to clean the dirt and blood from Obi-Wan's face after his fight with Maul and Savage eventually suggesting he take a hot shower to try to relax

28. Presumed Dead: Sas has her own way of grieving

#febuwhump 2022 #star wars fanfic #sw fanfic #obi-wan fanfic #Kanera #Obi-Wan Kenobi #Anakin Skywalker #Star Wars Rebels Fanfic #Bo Katan #star wars oc #obi wan x oc #kanan x hera

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thotsforvillainrights · 4 years ago

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~Pivitol~

Summary: Things aren’t going so good...

Chapter: 17

Warnings: None

“Your phone is seriously bugging out. It buzzed so much you would think there was a fly stuck between the case. Is it your boyfriend?” Yuko reached over curiously and you smacked her hand away before grabbing your phone and hiding it in your pocket. “Um yes, and I’m not letting you step into the conversation this time either.” You huffed while continuing to work at your desk. Yuko sighed and rolled her eyes as she let her fingers fall back into line of the keyboard, meticulously tapping away at her work. “Chill, I wasn’t gonna pick it up and text him for you again. But anyway, I’m your friend right? Aren’t you gonna let me know what’s up? You seem off today.”

You zoned out and debated whether or not to spill your guts to her upon this last hour before clocking out. It had been a week since you last saw Kai due to busying work schedule, and things were feeling a bit different lately. He was always texting or calling, trying to come over and hang out. It would’ve been fine but you needed to keep him away at the sake of focusing on your work and the important report due. Some big people were coming to the branch soon and everyone had to be on their toes or else there would be termination. Personally you needed this job to pay rent...or at least you needed it to feel accomplished for a bit. But that was just leading you into the thought of the issue at hand:

Kai was fully intent into getting you to move in with him.

“Yuko is it...I mean can you maybe...” You looked at the clock and sighed in relief. 5 minutes remaining. “Yuko can you take a 15? I’m about to clock out for today and I could use your company in the breakroom real quick.” That was code word for ‘please take a minute and I’ll explain it to you’. She nodded eagerly. Within the next 10 minutes you two were at the table munching on grapes and little fruit slices. “So the thing lately is that I’ve been feeling different with Kai. I mean, I love him and all but he’s been up my ass a little bit lately. My main concern isn’t really that though. I mean I know he’s been more of a loner until I came around so of course he’s gonna want to hang out often. My biggest concern is that he wants me to drop everything and move in with him. He wants to pay all my bills etc. yknow? He even told me that if I didn’t want to quit this job when I moved in with him that he’d literally buy me a car so I could travel to work and back.”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS!?” She smacked the table with excitement. You shushed her and looked around to make sure no one was coming in on the conversation. “Sorry but what the hell??? Y/N that’s like a dream come true right?! You don’t have to work, but even if you did then he would get you a new car AND you can live with him??? He’s going to spoil you!” While her eyes sparkled with excitement and the will to live vicariously through you, your eyes were dulled with a bit of annoyance and exasperation. “It’s not a dream world like you would think. Some of us would like to have time to function as an adult with ourselves without leaning on someone else for a while. I literally haven’t even been working here that long. And having someone buy me an entire car?! I could never think to return that kind of generosity. I couldn't afford to even if I tried and worked my whole life. I just wish he would give a little time to think about this mess and I wish he’d consider my feelings yknow? If I had some time maybe it wouldn’t be too big of a deal, but lately I’ve been feeling like I’m backed into a corner. I mean, look at these text messages from earlier!” You reached into your pocket and pulled your phone out, sliding it on the table for Yuko to get.

“Woooowwww...”

“Yeah, a bit much right?”

“No no not that! I mean wow, a Mercedes? Figure you can take one for the team and give it to me instead?” You reached to take your phone and bonk her on the head a bit. “Cut it out, this isn’t time to joke!” You groaned and gripped the sides of your head. Yuko sighed and rubbed the top of her head before moving her chair to sit next to you and hug you. “Do you want my honest opinion even if it hurts? Or do you want me to sugar coat it?” She asked you as she nestled into you tightly. You sighed and hugged here back, uttering your answer for the honest opinion. “I don’t think you’re worried about taking things to fast with him are you? I think you’re content and comfortable with him. I also think you really love him and care for him. I really don’t think the timing of your relationship matters all that much because speed is different for a lot of people in this world and we don't all go by one set time limit for everything. I think that you’re just too prideful sometimes. Maybe you come from an environment where you had to depend on someone for so long that now you cling to the thought of singularity and independence. I think that if you were ever in trouble that you wouldn’t think to ask for help at all because you’d want to get out of things yourself even if you drag yourself through the mud to do it. I think even when provided with a means to keep working here that you still don’t move in with him because you might be worried about leaning on him and the fear of him possibly holding his acts of kindness over your head to manipulate you later on scares you. Because maybe this happened before in your life with someone that wasn’t so kind? But at the end of the day Y/N you need to trust him and fall back on him a little bit. You’re not losing your independence or your sense of self just by moving into a house with your boyfriend yknow? And when someone offers you an entire car just to get you by their side everyday? That means he really must love you. He wants this moving in thing so bad that he’s willing to get you whatever you need to do it. Maybe just think a little bit harder on it and get him an answer okay?” Yuko pulled out of the hug and smiled gently at you before peeking down at her watch. “Oh shit! I’m like 12 minutes over for my break, gotta jet! Text me later and let me know if things get any better!” Just like a jet of lightning she was out of the breakroom and back at her desk, furiously typing away and trying to catch up to herself. You laughed lightly and put your phone away as you headed out of the office and back home.

When you got off the elevator to your floor, you gasped at Chisaki standing right by your front door. “Oh Angel! You’re a bit late today. I took the liberty of bringing in your mail from your box downstairs by the way. Oh here, let me get this bag for you. Oh yeah did you think about the thing we talked about the other day? Can you get back to me with an answer now? I was looking into some good moving services the other day when I figure why not just have Rappa and Katsukame come lug the heavier stuff. We can move your bed to guest room or we can sell it if you want to. Oh and the extra Tv we can move to the-”

“Oh my God Kai please STOP. I’m literally begging you to stop this! You’re literally all down my throat with this shit. You’ve made plan after plan and I never gave you a yes for any of this just yet! I asked you for time and you’ve given me barely ANY to get my head in the right space for all of this! Why are you pushing me so damn fast like this?! You’re making plans to sell my stuff now too???”

“Y/N...I just thought-”

“YOU CAN TAKE A MOMENT TO CONSIDER MY FEELINGS PLEASE!??? What if I say no huh? What if I just never move in with you then what??? Will I be stuck for the rest of this relationship listening to you continue to make plans for me and beg me over and over and over until I say yes to whatever the hell it is that you want me to say yes to?”

“Y/N...”

“Kai please, I’m begging you to just give me some space.”

“...Understood...” He gently placed your mail on the table and headed out the door swiftly. You collapsed on the couch and sighed loudly, rubbing your temples and trying to navigate the throbbing of the oncoming headache. Worst of all, the overwhelming feeling of guilt was slowing trickling down and filling you up until you felt absolutely awful for everything you just dumped on him. You sighed and got up to trudge off to the shower where you could think and wash your worries away. Meanwhile, Kai wasn’t doing very good himself. After leaving your apartment in a hurry he was left in a state of confusion, sadness, and numbness wondering where exactly he went wrong. “Back so soon my boy? That was a quick trip! Is my beloved in-law out there with you? I assume you must’ve picked her/him/them up to come here instead yes?” Kai simply stared at Pops with annoyance before huffing and heading downstairs to his office. “Without a single word eh?” Pops sighed to himself and slowly stood up. “I suppose I had better go speak to him then.” The old man made his way belowground and went straight to Kai’s most likely location: his office. He knocked twice and listened at the door.

“Whoever it is I suggest you leave before cleanup crew has to mop your insolent body from the concrete.” Pops held in his chuckle and shook his head as he entered the office. “Still haven’t changed all these years eh? You know you were quite like this as a child too. When you used to get upset you would have a very mean way about you, but you never scared me kid. You don’t scare me now either. So now tell me what’s got you so upset today? Lovers spat perhaps?” Kai immediately snapped his head up and stared at Pops. “How the hell did you know that.”

“I wasn’t born yesterday boy. I was married with a kid once. I know more about this stuff than you think. I’m going to go out on a limb and say you must’ve caused this. Judging by your prickly personality, what did you do.”

“Victim blaming when I’m your own son? You’re a very cold man you know.” Kai joked dryly and Pops smiled. “If you must know, I don’t know what the hell happened. I was just visiting Y/N since we hadn’t been with each other for a few days. I can’t begin to imagine what caused the argume-” Kai paused and thought about the words pouring from your lips. Aside from all the bitterness he felt from being chewed out for the first time he actually heard what you said and pieced it altogether. “I suppose I may be laying a bit much on Y/N right now. I just crave her/his/their presence more often and every hour not spent with my Angel is driving me insane. I’m damn near on the verge of wanting to kidnap but then I remember how that’s shunned on by society.” Pops laughed and shook his head. Yes the boy hadn’t changed much at all, even throughout the years. “I want Y/N to move in with me so much so that I’ve gone about finalizing things without permission. Which by the way reminds me, there’s going to be a new car in the driveway in another day or two. Don’t panic, I bought it for Y/N as a gift. I used the money from those drug dealings I was doing for that week. And BEFORE you lay into me about it, I shut it down and won’t be interacting with it any more in the future.”

“You say that and you had better run through it for real this time young man, or it’ll be you moving out of this house instead of Y/N moving in. Do you hear me?” Pops threatened with a scowl and Kai rolled his eyes. “Yes.”

“Now beside all that, I would be over the moon if Y/N were to move in with us! However, you have to be gentle and take your time with these things. You always tend to take things far past their limits and I can understand that Y/N must be feeling drowned in everything you’re bringing forward. Take a moment, give some time, and I guarantee everything will be just fine between the two of you.” Pops stood up and placed a gentle hand on Kai’s head as he passed to leave out of the office. Once left alone, the young head stared at your contact in the phone debating on whether or not he would call you. He ultimately decided on giving it time to air out before getting in contact with you again. It was the hardest thing he would do, but he wanted to prove to himself he could take things slow. At least slow enough to let you calm down and make your choice.

Still...the silence was killing him.

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #kai chisaki x reader #kai chisaki #overhaul #bnha overhaul #Pivotal #pivitol #fanfiction #fanfic

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dianapocalypse · 4 years ago

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Alright y’all, with the release of Mass Effect: Legendary Edition, it’s time for me to share my playlist for the entire trilogy.

I’ve refined this over like six years so scientifically speaking it’s probably good right. oh also it’s four hours long. so if you have a road trip or a boring job, this one’s for you. disclaimer, it’s entirely possible I have garbage taste in music. I also missed some characters and moments because there’s 65 songs here and I am merely human.

If you don’t have the patience for four hours, I recommend starting at track 45 and listening to the end, as the Mass Effect 3 portion is the strongest in my opinion.

UNDER THE CUT FOR DESCRIPTIONS WE GO!

FIRST MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 1

1. Atlas - Coldplay Eden Prime

“Sometimes the wire Must tense for the note Caught in the fire, say oh We're about to explode“

I really like the atmosphere of this song. It’s ominous, but also somehow hopeful, and makes me feel like Something Huge Is Coming.

2. I Will Not Sing A Hateful Song - Constantines Paragon Shepard

“But I was also born and raised To always speak and listen clear To know the last sound that I make Could be the last sound that I hear“

OK, listen, I think this song is about vampires, and I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a metaphor or not. But I think this is a great song about controlling one’s temper, about knowing that you have to Rise Above the parts of you that want to lash out sometimes to get things done and have peace. Seeing as how paragon Shepard, to me, always seems like they’re three deep breaths away from snapping, but manage to keep it in check, it fits them to a T.

And also maybe they’re a vampire.

3. Hard to Kill - Beth Crowley Renegade Shepard

“So I let the rumors Turn me into a legend 'Cause I'm only human But a good myth is hard to kill”

This one’s a recent addition, but holy cow, I love it for Renegade Shep, particularly an Earthborn or Ruthless, but it works for any of them.

4. We Own the Skies - Five Iron Frenzy Joker

“My hands are bleeding where they often crack The stars will sometimes burn with longing Through the choking black Of night shifts piling each against the next”

This really vibes with Joker’s backstory for me, his super driven serious self in flight school, contrasted with who he is when he can fly a ship. He’s the best pilot in the goddamn fleet and I love him.

5. I Just Wanna See - Smash Mouth Kaidan Alenko

“Mister moon checkin' on how y'all livin' The stars all winkin' at the day that's dimmin' I just wanna see”

This song fits into his reactions to first showing up at the Citadel and his former romanticism about living in space. Ironically, it’s a song about Earth, but I feel like it works well for him. Also, Smash Mouth absolutely sounds like the kind of music Kaidan would listen to, no I will not be taking questions or constructive criticism.

6. Don’t Give Up - Noisettes Ashley Williams

“She's got a talented face and a suitcase Ain't got no desire to go no place In her case she's got no desire with her hand in the flame say's she don't feel the fire “

The energy of this song is just perfect for Ashley’s no-nonsense chip on her shoulder attitude.

7. About As Helpful As You Can Be Without Being Any Help At All - Dan Mangan The Council

“I was thrown in the boat/Cast out to sea Friendly with waves/There were sharks below Hungry for me/So I dangled my leg”

I mean, the title says it all.

8. The Captain - Guster Anderson

“Courageous, just like the captain Marching forward with no doubt in his head”

I have adored this song ever since my friend played it for me, and it’s the ultimate mentor-protégé jam for me.

9. Secret Agent Man - Johnny Rivers Garrus Vakarian

“Here's a man who leads a life of danger To everyone he meets he stays a stranger Oh, with every move he makes another chance he takes The odds are he won't live to see tomorrow”

I have to poke a little fun at Garrus and how seriously he takes himself in Mass Effect 1. I romanced him across four playthrus, I’m allowed!

10. I’m Getting Too Old For This Shit - Kill Lincoln Urdnot Wrex

“This random apathy/I swear it's killing me But I guess it's all the same, till the devil knows my name”

I don’t know ANYTHING about this band, but this song fits Wrex’s disillusionment with the Krogan well, plus, like. The title. (And also, that he secretly DOES care what happens to the Krogan.)

11. Bird Song - Juniper Vale Tali’zorah nar Rayya

“I want to dance on the horizon line But there is something I am caged behind I have a heart made for take flight But I'm low, so low”

I adore this song and the sound of Juniper Vale in general. The etherealness of this one, combined with the youthful optimism, feels very Tali. The line about ‘something I am caged behind’ works well for the suits, too. This one’s especially good if you’re a Talimancer!

12. 11. Green Garden - Laura Mvula Liara T’Soni

“And I’ll fly on the wings of a butterfly High as a tree top and down again Putting my bag down, taking my shoes off Walk on the carpet of green velvet”

I really like this song’s vibes and I feel like Liara fits it well, particularly in ME1, before all her youthful optimism is stripped from her. The scenery descriptions feel very Thessia, too.

13. Feed Me (Git It) - Little Shop of Horrors The Thorian

“The guy sure looks like plant food to me!”

Do you get it. Do you get my joke. It’s because the Thorian is a plant that eats people. (I’m not funny)

14. Blindness - Metric Matriarch Benezia

“I was a blind fool, never complained All the survivors singing in the rain “

I don’t love the use of blind here as a negative, albeit metaphorical, descriptor, but I think this song fits Benezia’s indoctrination and death well. If you have suggestions for another, though, let me know!

15. Technologic - Daft Punk Saren

“Buy it, use it, break it, fix it, trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it”

I just think it’s Neat

16. Watershed - Vienna Teng The Reapers

“ While you were building your empires I was still sleeping”

I think this is the song that inspired the entire playlist. Vienna Teng sat down and decided to write a song from the perspective of a natural disaster, and it’s so ominous and gut-wrenching.

17. Hourglass - The Hush Sound Virmire

“This is how it ends We believe every lie and say we'll be friends How long will it last? Before we scratch all the scripts and we rework the cast “

hahahahah rework the cast get it because you have to pick who DIES

Seriously tho I really like this song for Virmire and that moment of choice that feels like it lasts 100 years on some playthroughts.

18. Pompeii - Bastille The Siege of the Citadel

“ And the walls kept tumbling down In the city that we love”

Throwback to when this song was on the radio like three times an hour. Which is around the time I made the first draft of this playlist, incidentally! It’s such a good Final Battle Jam for the Citadel, and the part about “if you close your eyes/does it almost feel like nothing’s changed at all” I think work really well for Shepard in this sequence. Shepard knew the Reapers were coming, had been fighting them all along; this attack on the Citadel is just retreading familiar territory for them, as horrifying as the war being brought to their doorstep is for the Citadel’s citizens and the council. James Vega has some good dialogue about that kind of thing in ME3.

INTERLUDE THE FIRST

19. Starships - Nicki Minaj The Normandy Crew

Starships were meant to fly Hands up and touch the sky

I like to have a little fun OK

20. Gravity - Yoko Kanno The Death of Commander Shepard

“Am I alone? is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet still the road keeps on telling me to go on”

Welcome to mood whiplash, it’s my specialty! This is the part where you die. I think it also works for her coma very well, when she’s just drifting between life and death, not sure what’s going on, but something keeps trying to pull her back to the world.

SECOND MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 2

21. The Phoenix - Fall Out Boy The Lazarus Project

“Hey young blood, doesn't it feel like our time is running out? I'm gonna change you like a remix Then I'll raise you like a phoenix “

this song has no right to go as hard as it does and if you think it’s melodramatic shut up

22. My Body Is A Cage - Peter Gabriel Commander Shepard

“I'm living in an age Whose name I don't know Though the fear keeps me moving Still my heart beats so slow “

This works particularly well if you romanced The Virmire Survivor, but this song captures the energy of Shepard freaking out bc they are trapped with Cerberus, because Cerberus rebuilt their body from the ground up. That jarring, caged feeling is so palpable in ME2 that when they gave me back Joker the first time I played, I BURST INTO SOBS from relief.

23. The Lady is a Vamp - The Spice Girls Miranda Lawson

“That's all in the past, legends built to last But she's got something new”

Listen. She’s a bond babe. Handbags, heels and pistols rock. She’s got class. This is a song about Miranda. That is all.

24. Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down Jacob Taylor

“ I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon After all I knew, it had to be something to do with you “

This one’s about the Vibes for me. Also can apply to his past relationship with Miranda. I’m also super showing my age on this song, oof haha.

25. Stable Song - Death Cab For Cutie Colony Abduction

“Rows of deserted houses all Our stable mates highway bound “

I really like the mood of this one for showing up on the very first abducted colony, the eerieness and sadness of it all and Shepard’s resolve to do something about it.

26. Konichiwa Bitches - Robyn Kasumi Goto

“I'm so very hot that when I rob your mansion You ain't call the cops, you call the fire station”

THAT COUPLET ALONE MAKES THE ENTIRE SONG. I love how playful and cheeky it is.

27. Seven Nation Army Glitch Mob Remix - The White Stripes, Glitch Mob Zaeed Massani

“And I'm talking to myself at night Because I can't forget Back and forth through my mind Behind a cigarette”

Pretty sure we all had this on some playlist or another when it came out, and it’s the perfect Badass With A Grudge song.

28. Science is Real - They Might Be Giants Mordin Solus

“ And when a theory emerges Consistent with the facts The proof is with science The truth is with science “

This one actually got added by my wife to replace a song that wasn’t on Spotify, but that has the same energy; Hank Green’s “I Fucking Love Science”. I get more into the emotional side of Mordin in the ME3 section, but I also really just love his Hamster On Coffee energy and this song captures it really well.

29. Prove Yourself - Radiohead Garrus Vakarian

“I can't afford to breathe in this town Nowhere to sit without a gun in my hand Hooked back up to the cathode ray

I'm better off dead “

The absolute rock bottom mental state Garrus is in when you get back to him in ME2 is so heartwrenching. Might not always agree with my boy’s methods, but he’s one of my favorite fictional characters of all time.

30. Rat a Tat - Fallout Boy Feat. Courtney Love Jack

“We are professional ashes of roses, this kerosene's live You settled your score, this is where you come to beg”

It helps that Courtney Love sounds exactly like Jack to me, NGL.

31. Defeat You - Smash Mouth Grunt

“Hey I know what you've done It makes it that much better to defeat you “

Only I am brave enough to put two songs by Smash Mouth on the same playlist, to be shared in 2021

32. The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot - Brand New Horizon/The Virmire Survivor

“If it makes you less sad I will die by your hand Hope you find out what you want Already know what I am “

Hits harder if you romanced the Virmire Survivor. Mostly from Shep’s perspective. This is a Shep that feels Bad after that encounter rather than Mad, so Your Mileage May Vary.

33. Violet Stars Happy Hunting! - Janelle Monae Tali’zorah vas Neema

“I'm an alien from outer space I'm a cyber-girl without a face a heart or a mind”

I just like the vibes of this one for Tali! I know it’s more about an actual AI but...IDK. I like it. So there.

34. Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd Thane Krios

“There is no pain you are receding A distant ship smoke on the horizon”

This song works both on a Literal level with his Kepral’s syndrome struggles, but also Metaphorical re: his Battle Sleep. Plus, Thane is a dad, so he gets Dad Rock.

35. My Medea - Vienna Teng Samara

“For I have made her prison be Her every step away from me And this child I would destroy If you tried to set her free “

Mom of the year award, here

36. Toxic - Britney Spears Morinth

“There's no escape, I can't wait I need a hit, baby, give me it You're dangerous, I'm loving it”

If Morinth weren’t so under-utilized after recruitment and didn’t get killed off in the background of ME3 I’d probably actually recruit her sometimes. I almost did on my most recent playthru bc that Shepard just HATES SPACE COPS. Anyway the song explains itself

37. Turn me On - David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj EDI/The Collector Attack

“My body needs a hero Come and save me Something tells me you know how to save me”

I know this song is a metaphor but also it works really well both literally and metaphorically for Joker saving EDI

38. Robots - Dan Mangan Legion

“Robots need love too They want to be loved by you “

The Geth just want to live peacefullyyyyyy

39. Be Still - The Killers Love Interest Theme

“Be still / someday you’ll leave fearlessness on your sleeve”

This song works so well for the night before Omega-4. If you had an ME2 love interest, anyway. Also “fearlessness on your sleeve” is one of my favorite set of words ever written.

40. No Cars Go - Arcade Fire The Omega-4 Relay

“We know a place no spaceships go We know a place where no subs go “

This one’s pretty literal.

41. Rocketman - Elton John Suicide Mission

“ And I think it's gonna be a long, long time 'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home “

I like sneaking some Classics onto my playlists, and I think this is how I generally approach Shepard’s mindset during the Suicide Mission, mostly the chorus. I’m also a sucker for ballads during action sequences. This one isn’t a perfect 1:1 but the Vibes check out.

42. Blast Off - David Guetta feat. Kaz James The Normandy Crew

“Got all my people with me And none of us give a fuck So put dem hands up higher Let's smash this party up”

You have to imagine they partied HARD after recovering from Suicide Mission, but before Shep got arrested, right??? This is the Starships for ME2.

INTERLUDE THE SECOND

43. I’m Not Your Hero - Tegan and Sara Liara T’soni

“ Feeling like I am now lighting up the hall I was used to standing in the shadow of a damaged heart Learning all I know now, losing all I did I never used to feel like I'd be standing so far ahead “

This feels like a good coming of age moment for Liara, as she copes with the choices she made in the 2 years of Shepard’s death (giving them to Cerberus), losing Feron, etc. This is her coming into her own as the Shadow Broker. She’s not meant to be an uncomplicated Big Damn Hero, but she can do good from this position.

44. The Well and the Lighthouse - Arcade Fire The Alpha Relay Incident

“I'm serving time All for a crime I did commit You want the truth? You know I'd do it all again“

These opening lines I feel capture the Alpha Relay Incident really well, and how Shepard did what they HAD to do there, and would do it again, but it still feels like shit. I always wished there was more choice on that mission, but also, having something like that happen without player agency is interesting. Shepard is at their most interesting, I think, in times where we DON’T have a say in what happens to them.

45. Reignite - Malukah Commander Shepard

“Crush my heart into embers, and I will reignite”

Is it cheating to use a Mass Effect fan song on my playlist? I certainly don’t think so, and this is the best Mass Effect fan song ever written.

THIRD MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 3

46. This Is War - Thirty Seconds to Mars Leaving Earth

“It's the moment of truth, and the moment to lie The moment to live and the moment to die The moment to fight, the moment to fight To fight, to fight, to fight “

It feels Too Easy to use this here but I’m gonna anyway. You’ve seen AMVs of this set to everything. It’s the ending song of DA:O. It’s the quintessential World At War song.

47. Battleborn - The Killers James Vega

“Up against the wall There's something dying on the street When they knock you down You're gonna get back on your feet”

James Vega is massively underrated and I will love him til I’m cold in the ground. Aro icon.

48. Handlebars - Flobots The Illusive Man

“I can hand out a million vaccinations Or let 'em all die of exasperation Have 'em all healed of their lacerations Have 'em all killed by assassination”

The way this song escalates fits TIM and Cerberus’s fall back into being Just Full On Evil really well. Perfect song for a power trip.

49. Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - The Decemberists The Virmire Survivor

“And I am nothing of a builder But here I dreamt I was an architect And I built this balustrade To keep you home, to keep you safe From the outside world”

I like this song for how the Virmire Survivor feels about their survivor’s guilt and also about Shepard. I honestly wish they were both more heavily utilized in ME2 and 3, but I realize it’s hard to write a ton of content for characters who just aren’t in half of all peoples’ playthrus.

50. Heaven Knows - The Pretty Reckless Grisson Academy

“One, two, three and four, the devil's knocking at your door Caught in the eye of a dead man's lie Show your life with your head held high“

This song is so perfect for Jack and her biotic kids that she’s one of the only returning characters that gets her own song on this playlist

51. The Great Fire - OK Go Javik

“But when the flames die down, and everything is gone, Will there be fire under the ashes still?”

Self explanatory. Javik is the fire remaining under the ashes.

52. Bring the Hammer Down - Paragon Priority: Tuchanka/Kalros

“ Hammer strikes the anvil A rage that breaks the chain Strikes down like a lightening In our ranks “

KALROOOOOS

53. Wake Up - Arcade Fire Curing The Genophage/Mordin Solus

“If the children don't grow up, Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up. We're just a million little gods causin' rain storms, turnin' every good thing to Rust I guess we'll just have to adjust”

I just really love this song as an image of Mordin’s spirit looking out over Tuchanka as the genophage cure is dispersed, and watching over future generations. If you didn’t cure the genophage, how dare you. No song for you.

Anyway started tearing up listening to this one while writing the description don’t look at me

54. Ballad of a Politician - Regina Spektor Councillor Udina/Priority Citadel 2

“A man inside a room is shaking hands with other men This is how it happens/Our carefully laid plans”

traitor

55. Cyborgs vs. Robots - Ludo The Geth-Quarian War

“But your iron fist will never knock me down 'Cause I'm powered By a conscious right to conduct my life without fear.”

This is probably a bit silly for this awful war. But also. It does fit. You can’t tell me it doesn’t. Just save them both at the end and you can feel fine having some fun with it!

56. Artificial Heart - Jonathan Coulton The Geth

“It's not a real heart It is a real artificial heart”

Just a little fun with the Geth! This works best with Reaper Upgrades.

57. With A Little Help From My Friends - Joe Anderson, Jim Sturgess The Citadel DLC

“What do you see when you turn out the light? I can't tell you, but I know it's mine

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends”

I happen to prefer this version to any other because of how much fun it sounds like they’re having

58. Dark In Here - The Mountain Goats Priority: Earth

“Steal away at sundown, pick a place to hide Check for signs of ambush, hunker down inside Tired of running, tired of never standing still Hear them riding up the hill“

You know I had to get the Goats in here. Would it be a fan playlist if there wasn’t one?

59. Adieu - Yoko Kanno Leaving your Love Interest/Shepard and the Beam

“My love for you burns deep inside me / So strong Embers of times we had And now, here I stand / Lost in a memory I see your face, and smile”

...do I need to say more than that?

60. My Way (Minor Key) - Chase Holfelder The Indoctrination of The Illusive Man

“Regrets, I've had a few/But then again, too few to mention I did what I had to do/I saw it through, without exemption“

This cover takes this song from something I tolerate when I hear it to one of my FAVORITE songs. The frenzied way he sings the “through it all” verse is PEAK Indoctrinated TIM.

61. I’m Alive - Disturbed Refusal

“There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice To change myself, I'd rather die/Though they will not understand”

Honestly I didn’t “get” the Refusal ending until I heard this song, then I was like, OH, I SEE IT ALL SO CLEARLY NOW. This is my favorite in-universe Shepard take on the Refusal ending. I always got it from the player’s perspective of being dissatisfied with the options, but this one puts it into the world for me. This is a Shepard who does not trust the Starchild. This is a Shepard that chooses to end things on their own terms rather than submit to their designs.

62. Machine - Regina Spektor Control

“I collect my moments Into a correspondence With a mightier power Who just lacks my perspective And who lacks my organics And who covets my defects “

I used to have Adieu here, actually, because like Refusal, I didn’t used to GET the Control ending. Now, I do, in part thanks to hearing this song. I mean, just go look at the full lyrics. If this song hadn’t been written years before the end of Mass Effect 3, I’d swear it was a fan song for it.

63. Maybe Tomorrow - Yuki Kajiura Destroy

“The moon is gone And the night is still so dark I'm a little bit afraid of tomorrow“

I’m a Destroy Ending person, I won’t lie. Full on “the starchild is a liar and my synthetic friends are FINE” indoctrination theory level destroy ending. But this song is not about that. It’s about the canonical destroy ending, and if you prefer a Shep that survives it, this song’s for you.

This song captures the exhaustion and melancholy of the end of a long journey so well. Shepard is afraid of what comes next, the collateral damage resulting from their actions. But they know that, at least, it’s over now. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

64. Waiting For the End - Linkin Park Synthesis

“ I know what it takes to move on I know how it feels to lie All I wanna do is trade this life for something new Holding on to what I haven't got”

This is one of my favorite songs of all time. The hardest part of ending is starting again. Oof. Gets me every single time. Shepard finding the resolve to sacrifice themself for the hope of something better, of things not going how they planned, ever, of learning to make peace with that and the people who loved them learning to carry on without them? OOF.

65. Shine - Vienna Teng Epilogue

“Shine with all the untold Hold the light given unto you Find the love to unfold In this broken world we choose“

Vienna Teng is a master of capturing life’s softer emotions, and this fits perfectly with the epilogue scene for me. Tell me again about the Shepard.

“Find the love to unfold in this broken world we choose” has to be one of the greatest lines about the human experience ever written.

#mass effect #mass effect legendary edition #no one's gonna listen to this #but i need the world to know it exists #it took me as long as the playlist is to put this together

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fred-george-fic · 4 years ago

Text

In the Middle Pt. 10

George x Reader (Eventually) & Cedric x Reader (Mentioned, Previously)

~Masterlist~

A/N: Thanks for the continued support! (Also I absolutely ADORE Sirius)

Chapter Summary: Someone unexpected arrives at 12 Grimmauld Place and you head back to Hogwarts for your final year!

Pairing(s): Cedric x Reader (Mentioned, through Goblet of Fire) & George x Reader (eventually)

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: Slight injury? Bold italics= Flashback

Return to Hogwarts

The days leading up to September 1st were mostly uneventful. Although, you became pretty close with Tonks who always appreciated the pranks and would sometimes help you three with them. In the mornings before the twins woke up, you would sit with Molly, Ginny and Tonks at the table drink coffee or tea and chat. Hermione would typically be with Harry and Ron so she did not join often. It was always a great way to start out your mornings. Occasionally, Sirius and Remus would join.

The night before you’re supposed to go to Hogwarts, you’re sitting around the table with everyone, listening to Remus and Sirius, when there’s a small knock at the door. Sirius’s eyes get wide, but Remus just smirks. “I’ll get that.” He says, getting up from the table. You hear the door open and when you look at who walks in, you see a familiar face walk in with Mad-eye. Someone who you hadn’t seen in over a year.

“Mum?” You ask getting up from your chair. You notice that Sirius has also gotten up from his own. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I couldn’t let them reinstate the Order and not be involved.” She smiles brightly, taking in the surroundings. She really was beautiful, with long hair and bright eyes.

“But, what about Francis?” You’ve made your way in front of her now.

Your mother looks down at her feet and shifts uncomfortably. “I altered his memory. He doesn’t even know we exist.”

“You what!” Your eyes widen in disbelief.

She sighs. “He was a mistake. What would your father have thought if he saw me married to a man like him?”

You pull her into a hug. “I’m glad you finally realized.”

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have let him keep us away from each other for so long.” She returns the hug. “I’m also sorry I wasn’t there for everything you’ve been through.”

“Elenora.” You hear a deep voice behind you say your mother’s name. You step away from each other and she looks up and meets Sirius’s eyes.

“Sirius.” She smiles warmly at him. “It’s so lovely to see you.”

Sirius smiles back at her and puts one arm around her and one arm around Remus. “The three of us, back together!”

You’re not sure if Sirius is just happy to see your mother or if he’s getting bored of seeing the same people every single day. Remus puts on his best smile as Molly walks into the room with Arthur.

“Elenora! I did not know you were joining us!” Molly says, wrapping her in a hug of her own.

Your mother looks over to Remus. “Didn’t tell anyone?”

Remus smirks. “Not a soul.”

“Dinner everyone?” Molly asks, ushering everyone to the table. You all file in, taking your normal seats at the table. Your mum sits in between Remus and Sirius and kindly introduces herself to everyone else. Sirius sneaks a few glances at her as everyone eats and seems unable to wipe the smile on his face. You’re assuming Remus had told her everything, since she welcomed him like he hadn’t spent time in Azkaban.

After dinner, everyone goes their separate ways, but you stay back with the twins to talk to your mum a bit more. “Are you going to stay here?” You ask, looking at her.

“Yes. Remus informed me that theirs a room for me on the second floor.” She looks over at Sirius. “As long as that’s okay with you?”

“Of course!” He says almost too quickly.

“These two boys, must be Fred and George, correct?” Your mother asks, looking at the two boys.

“Yes, I’m Fred!” George says waving at your mother.

“And I’m George!” Fred says back.

“It’s lovely to meet you!” They say in unison.

She smiles at the boys and before she can say anything you interrupt. “Always the pranksters. That��s George and that’s Fred.” You point at each boy as you say their names.

“Ah, yes. Molly’s told me about you two. I’ll be on the lookout for any pranks.” She smiles brightly and notices Sirius standing in the doorway with Remus. “If you don’t mind, I think I am going to catch up with some old friends.” She pulls you into a tight hug and goes to follow the two men.

You might be upset that your mum would rather hang out with her old friends than her own child, but it had been even longer since she’d seen them. At this point, you were practically self-sufficient and wanted her to enjoy her freedom from Francis. So, you waved goodnight to the twins and head off to bed.

-------

You’re all walking across the bridge to get to Platform 9 3/4th accompanied by Mad-eye, Tonks, Molly and your mother, when a black dog brushes past you. You can tell Mad-eye is annoyed at this sight and whispers something to it. You immediately realize that it’s Sirius accompanying Harry and smile at the thought that he wanted to see him off. They pull over into a separate room while the rest of you continue on, reaching the train.

Tonks pulls you, Hermione and Ginny into hugs. “It’s been great meeting all of you! We’ll see each other soon.”

Your mother pulls you into a hug. “Be safe. I’ll see you when you get back.”

You smile at her as Molly also pulls you into a distracted hug. “Write… Be good…” The words drone out as she continues to hug through the children, accidently hugging Harry twice. You all get onto the train, waving goodbye.

“Shall we go discuss with Lee?” Fred asks looking and George and you. You nod your head and wave at the others as you follow George and Fred to your usual booth where Lee is waiting for you all.

“Hello Lee!” You wave and sit opposite of him on the bench.

“Hello Y/N!” He offers you a smile and waves as Fred and George come in. They immediately begin discussing their plan for their final year at Hogwarts. You’re listening to the boys talk as the train begins moving, you lean your head against the window and stare outside, watching everything pass by.

Before you know it, you’ve drifted off to sleep and you’re woken up by George whispering your name and shaking you slightly. “Y/N.”

You open your eyes and notice your head is no longer leaning on the window, but is on George’s shoulder. “Oh, George! I’m so sorry! That couldn’t have been comfortable!”

He shrugs, “It’s quite alright. Do you want something to eat?”

You look up and notice that the trolley was at the compartment door. “No, I’m alright.” You say rubbing your eyes, blushing slightly.

George, Fred and Lee each grab some snacks and you’re assuming continuing their conversation from before. They were showing Lee some of the “treats” they had for the Skiving Snackboxes. You continued to look out the window and before you knew it, you were already at Hogwarts.

-------

The entire walk to the Great Hall, they continued talking to Lee, finalizing their plans for the school year. George occasionally would look over at you, just to make sure you were still here. Every time you caught his eye, you would give him a small smile to ensure him that you’re doing okay. Along the way, you found Angelina, Katie and Alicia.

“Did you hear the news?” Angelina asks as she walks up next to you.

“What?” You all ask looking at her.

“I’ve been made Quidditch captain this year!” She says excitedly.

“Congratulations Ang!” You say, smiling at her.

“Since I am replacing Oliver, we need a keeper. So, I want all players to be at try-outs on Friday to find a new keeper.” She says, looking directly at Fred and George.

“We’ll all be there.” You say, also looking at the boys.

“Yes, yes, we’ll be there!” They agree. You all reach the Great Hall and take your seats. You notice a woman dressed in all pink, with a pink bag on the table. You’re sitting in between Fred and George as Dumbledore begins his speech.

“We wish to welcome our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Dolores Umbridge. I’m sure you’ll all join me in wishing the professor good luck. As usual, our caretaking Mr. Filch-“

“Ahem.” Professor Umbridge coughs, interrupting Dumbledore and gets to her feet. “Thank you, Headmaster. For those kind words of welcome and how lovely to see all your bright smiling faces looking up at me. I’m sure we’re all going to be very good friends.”

“That’s likely.” The twins say in union. You laugh quietly and all three of you receive a glare from her.

“The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital importance. Although each headmaster has brought something new to this historic school, progress for the sake of progress must be discouraged. Let us preserve what must be preserve, perfect what can be protected and pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited.” She finishes her speech with a wide grin, that makes you feel uneasy.

“Thank you Professor Umbridge.” Dumbledore says as she walks off the stage, dismissing the students. You all walk back to the common room and head into your dormitory to begin classes the next day.

-------

You’re sitting in the Great Hall eating breakfast with Fred and George when Professor McGonagall comes up and hands you three your schedules.

“What’d you get, Y/N?” George asks, comparing your schedules along with Freds.

“Transfiguration, Potions, Charms, Herbology, Defense Against the Dark Arts and Care of Magical Creatures.” You say looking over the schedule. “All classes to be a healer, plus Care of Magical Creatures.

“Looks like we have Herbology together.” Fred says.

“And we have Transfiguration together.” George says. “Also all three of us have Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts together.”

“With Umbridge.” You groan. “But first, we have Herbology.”

“Yeah, C’mon, if we get there early we might be able to sell a few Extendable Ears before Herbology.” Fred says collecting his things.

The three of you walk to the Greenhouse where you stand idly by while the twins sell some extendable ears to the students walking past. You leaned against the wall, watching the two boys sell a few extendable ears before Professor Sprout welcomed everyone inside. You and Fred waved goodbye to George and walked into the classroom. The moment you stepped into the greenhouse you were bombarded with memories from last year.

“Alright class! Today we will be extracting a pod from a Snarglauff plant.” Professor Sprout motions to the logs on the tables. “You’ll need to work in trios for this one!”

You look next to you at Cedric who is smiling down at you. “Care to partner up?” He asks.

Fred also slides next to the both of you, “Need a third?”

“Let’s do this!” You pull the log towards the three of you and a long, prickly vine flies out and whips through the air. All three of you take a step back, eyes wide.

“Grab the branches!” You shout. Both boys quickly grab the vines, each holding them to allow an opening in the middle. You reach your hand in and one of the vines, slips out of Cedric’s hands and wraps quickly around your arm. Cedric untangles the branch and you quickly pull your hand out, bringing out a pod. The vines all quickly snap back into the log, reverting back to its innocent looking form.

“Great work you three!” Professor Sprout shouts, walking over towards you. She plucks it out of your hand and demonstrates how to extract the green tubers from the pod. “These are best when they are fresh, class.” She continues showing off the tubers.

You look down at your arm and notice some small scratches on your arm. Cedric follows your gaze. “Y/N! Are you alright?”

You smile at Cedric, grateful for his concern. “I’ll be fine, Ced.” Professor Sprout dismisses the class after everyone had received their pods.

The moment you step out of the greenhouse, Cedric pulls you into a tight hug. “Promise me you’re okay?”

“I promise.” You blush heavily as Cedric plants a kiss on the top of your head and begins to walk you towards the Great Hall.

You realized you’ve been standing near the door way for quite some time. Fred is giving you a concerned look and puts a hand on your shoulder. “Are you alright?”

You nod your head and walk with Fred to find a spot at the table as Professor Sprout begins her lesson.

-------

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elysiashelby · 4 years ago

Text

In Another World - T. Shelby Imagine Ch. 13

Paring: (Eventual) Thomas Shelby x Aliena Welsh (OC)

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Word Count: 5,851

WARNINGS: ANGST, HEAVY ANGST, Alcohol Consumption, Cursing, Recreational Drug Use, SUICIDE ATTEMPT, Mentions of SMUT (doesn’t concern any of the main characters)

Summary: Aliena Welsh hasn’t gotten any better. Her mental health is in the dumps and she’s coping with alcohol and drugs. How will she recover?

MASTERLIST CHAPTER 12 CHAPTER 14

A/N: THERE IS A SCENE OF ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. YOU READ ALL OF HER THOUGHTS LEADING UP TO THIS POINT & I DO BELIEVE IT TO BE VERY TRIGGERING!! THERE WILL BE BLACK LINE BREAKS TO START THE SCENE. Not a whole lot of Tommy in this one.

That night on me birthday, I blacked out. Couldn’t remember a thing, but I do remember feeling like shit the next morning. Not just from the raging hangover, but emotionally as well. I’ve never truly understood how fuckin’ shitty it is to wake up with no fuckin’ memories of the night before.

But now I did!

The days after I attempted to cut down me drinking as suggested by Polly. I kept to it as much as I could, but I just turned to other vices when we went out. Instead of drinking, I was getting high. Same effect really except I was more affectionate than ever and wasn’t getting weepy.

Problem with weed? It made me sexually aroused a.k.a. horny. I started dancing with strangers. Men and women. I was truly not giving one flying fuck.

And it was scaring me.

I managed to get past the whole debacle of me assaulting that woman at the Garrison. Talked to Polly abar it, ya know, some of me troubles. Really made some headway. She started wanting me to work in the shop more.

Couldn’t tell ya why, though.

I didn’t mind, it kept me busy for a while. That was ‘til Polly told me she didn’t need me in the shop for sometime. So, now— I was stuck collecting money every fortnight, cleaning the house, cooking, and be an all-round delivery girl.

Have you ever heard of the saying, “High highs are followed by low lows.” Let me tell you abar the low blow I was dealt. I caught Tommy banging Lizzie.

Drop the mic!

Yeah! I caught the first love of me life having sex with a prostitute. Not knocking her down, a girl has to earn her coin somehow. It was the fact that Tom was paying for sex that got me. He would rather pay than use me.

Let me tell you the number that did on me self-esteem. I didn't want to make it matter, but it did. It was irrational, in a way. I knew that. It was just that I was so hung up on him and I couldn't find it in meself to let go of him, yet. It was absolutely pathetic. I realize that, but I was also used to it. Used to the ones that I want not wanting me.

Oh well! I mean I wasn’t obsessing over it, but it did hurt me heart, is all. It also served as a turning point for me. Now, I wasn’t just dancing with random fellas— I was making out with them too.

Kissing didn’t matter to me anymore. Ever since me first kiss was stolen by that bastard two years ago, or so.

I didn’t let it go any further. I was just making out with them. Men and women. Anyone who would have me.

I was laying in me bed. I didn’t feel like leaving it. So, I didn’t. I kept me eyes shut and was getting lost in me own world. I fantasized abar being back with me family. That I had woken up in de’ ozzy from a coma ‘n I made all of this up.

“Aliena, love. You need to get up now.” Polly whispered as she shook me gently.

I opened me eyes and blinked. I faked waking up for the first time today. I hummed.

“Come on, love.” She urged while uncovering me and taking me hand.

With our hands joined, I turned ‘round and rose to me feet. She took me head in her grasp before using the back of the head to check me temperature.

She tutted. “You don’t have a fever. Do you feel sick, Ali?”

I nodded, lying. She sighed and pulled me into her chest. I hugged her tightly while whimpering. It was better this way.

We stayed that way for a while before she pulled away. Me face in her hands again. “How ‘bout I make ya some soup? You go on back to bed and I call you when it’s done. Yeah?”

I nodded with a small smile. She led me back to me bed and tucked me in. I said nothing as the tears streamed down me face. When she left, I closed me eyes again.

I’m so tired.

When the soup was ready, she got me up as promised and helped me down. I was acting and not at the same time. I was just showing how I really felt. I knew tomorrow I would have to bottle it all up again.

It was just that I already used up all me rest days just laying around, so this was a better cover.

She sat with me as I slowly nibbled away at the soup she made me. I didn’t care for it. I wanted me ma’s chicken soup. We made small chat ‘til I was done and I was sent back to bed afterward.

I laid there doing nothing ‘til I felt like I was going stir crazy. I leaped from me bed and pulled out me journal that was full of me writings. Only once I had the pen in me hand, I couldn’t think of anything.

I threw it down and ran me hands over me face. I began doin’ some heavy breathing before I took a deep breath and just suppressed it. I just suppressed it ‘cause I felt like I was being overdramatic.

I do so much complaining. I should be grateful. I should be grateful for what I have. Why was I so miserable?

Because I wasn’t in a relationship with Tommy, don’t make me laugh! He’s just one man.

Is it because I’m not with me family? Come on, after all that wishing to experience something more exciting in me life!

Fucking kinel! I was lucky enough to be found by Jeremiah and not be chucked into some mental asylum or in a prison cell for being suspicious. For not having to sell me own body in order to make ends meet. No, nothing has changed. I’m still that sheltered little girl who is just so ungrateful.

I inhaled sharply and gripped me hair tightly.

Just so greedy. Just so lustful. So fuckin’ ungrateful.

“No!” I shouted before I slapped meself. The stinging sensation overwhelmed me and balanced me. I swallowed harshly before racking me head for a song.

I sang ‘Empty’ by Olivia O’Brien to meself. I sang a million of other depressing songs ‘til me head ached. Then, I sat there. Just sat there. Letting the stories that ran through me mind play out there since I couldn’t write them.

But even they weren’t bringing me joy. Awful scenarios triumphed the love stories I was trying to conjure. They would just turn sour with infidelity, broken promises, and death.

I placed me bent elbows on me desk and used me hands to support me head. I closed me eyes as a way to fight the burning in me eyes.

As soon as I woke up, I choked down a sigh. I just turned on me back and ran a hand threw me hair. After a second or two, I got up and began getting ready for the day. For the past couple of days, I’ve been waking up with anxiety. I haven’t felt this way since being in school.

College was different. I had more freedoms, but years six through eleven— they were absolute hell for me. It just triggered me anxiety disorders, especially me agoraphobia.

I looked at meself in the mirror and saw a dead woman. I placed me fingers under me eyes, tugged down, and then let go. I took a sharp breath before I opened the door and walked out.

I was finding it harder to breathe these days. Like if me asthma was back, or gotten worse. Which would be totally plausible since I have been smoking ciggies now. Still pace meself, though.

I had me hair in a bun, some hairs framing me face. I was wearing a light purple button up shirt with a darker purple, high-waisted midi skirt.

I walked down and cut me two slices of bread. I was gonna eat me regular bread and jam. I sat down ‘n ate it. When I was done, I began to clean up again. The same old routine. Sweep, dust, fold, sew, shine, or wash.

I was in the middle of fixing one of Finn’s shirts when he walked in, panting. His lips smacked before he spoke. “Tom-Tommy wants to see you.”

“What is it, Finn?” I asked while rising to me feet. What the fuck’s happened? “What’s happened?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I was out with Isaiah, came in and he told me he wanted me to get you.”

I let out a sigh of relief before annoyance took over me. I shoved his head away from me. “Dear lord, Finn. I thought something bad happened! Ugh!” I walked past him and into the shop.

The chatter of men overwhelmed me senses. I marched over to Tommy’s office and knocked before going in.

“Finn said you needed me.” I stood up straight with me shoulder rolled back. Me fingers were interlocked and resting at me waist.

Thomas nodded as he took a drag from his ciggie. “I need you to deliver this to Moss.” He looked up as he held up the package for me to take.

It was probably hush money to distribute, or his own allowance to keep him quiet, or something else.

I blinked furiously as I stepped forward and attempted to take the package from his hand.

Okay, the fuck is happening?

Tommy kept looking at me up and down and wouldn’t let go of the package. I cleared me throat and he let go instantly.

“Right. I need you to give that to him as soon as possible. So, it’s best if you go now.” He looked away from me and back down at his paperwork.

“Right.” I repeated softly before turning ‘round. As I stood in the doorway, I held onto the wall and snapped me head to Tommy.

“Tommy.”

He looked up, his eyes wide. “Yeah?”

I thought abar it. I wanted to ask what that was all abar. I cleared me throat before gulping and shake me head. “Nevermind. Have a good rest of your day, Tom.”

I didn’t wait to hear a response. I practically ran out of there. I got me coat and then out the door. The cold air stung me face, but I welcomed it. After all, that interaction got me all warm inside.

I didn’t want to think abar it too hard. I had negative and positive thoughts. Maybe he thought I looked nice, but at the same time— maybe he saw what I’ve been hiding too. I remembered abar that promise we made on December 3rd. Abar how I would go to him if me depression was getting bad, but—! I didn’t sit right with me. How could I complain abar all of me problems when he was unknowingly one of them?

I sighed and clutched the package tighter. Men and women alike greeted me as I passed. After the bar “fight,” some stares and greetings changed. I didn’t care.

Why should I? They probably bunched me in with the rest of the Blinders, now. Might call me a devil too, now.

I huffed. Well, as long as they kept their thoughts to themselves. A bizzy held open the door for me, so I flashed them a nod ‘n smile. I walked through the building ‘n ignored the stares. I walked over to Moss’s office and knocked.

“Come in.” He shouted.

I opened the door and walked in. Moss, instantly, sat up straight.

“Ms. Welsh.” He began. “What can I do for ya?”

With the package still in one hand, I thrusted it forward, bouncing it a little. “Mr. Shelby has a delivery for you.”

He ah-ed, rose from his seat, and took it. “Thank you. Miss. My wife was just saying the other day how she missed your company. She’d be very pleased if you visited her soon.”

I smiled and nodded. “Oh, well, I’ll make sure to stop by soon. Good afternoon, Sergeant Moss.” I nodded again and turned ‘round.

I felt the stares and heard the whispers as I walked. As walked out of the station, as I walked home.

I shook me head as I raised me fingers to me head. Whispers, gossip, chisme. It was all so fucking annoying. Me days were blending together. Day in and day out, I was just lethargic. Having to force meself to do all this stuff was so tiring.

But what else am I going to do? I’m so useless.

I was letting the music in me head envelope me. With me hands, I moved me hair to the side as I danced. I was hot. Like feverishly hot, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t thinking abar anything but dancing.

I felt someone take their hands in mine, so I opened me eyes. Cassie was in front of me.

“Dance with me.” She yelled before she started doing the Charleston.

I giggled and then began to do it with her. For this type of dancing, I had to tune in on the club music. The club we were at right now was owned by Sabini. Luckily, no one knew me face. Otherwise, we might have been kicked out or worse.

Well, actually, since there was no bad blood yet… I might’ve just been used as a tool for some sort of deal. Ya know, a messenger or something.

When I felt tired, I gulped for air and stopped dancing. As did Cassie. We walked into each other. Why do we fucking wear heels all the damn time? I want me trainers back!

“Let’s go back to the table, yeah.” I announced more than asked. I led Cassie back to the table where Angie and Tina were sitting with men.

I rolled me eyes. Here we fuckin’ go. “Angie!” I shouted. “We’re back. You can hit the floor if ya want.” Angie’s eyes snapped to Tina, excitement all over her face. Tina’s facial expression spoke volumes, “She didn’t want to leave the table.” But she gave a sheepish smile, and nodded instead.

“Thanks, Ali.” She said to me before looking down at her new friend. “You want to dance with me?” She asked him to which he happily took her hand. Then, the four of them were gone.

I let out a sigh of relief and sat down with me legs open.

Cassie snorted. “You’re so ungraceful.”

I tsked while waving her off. “Do one. I’m tired.” I reached for me glass of water. I wasn’t gonna be drinking alcohol for a while. However, I did reach into me bag and took out a rolled joint along with me lighter.

I lit it up and took a puff. I held it for as long as I could before exhaling. This wasn’t wise. I’ve already smoke so much, but I didn’t want to come down from me high— so, I was lightin’ up again.

“You got cards?” I asked before exhaling another puff.

Cassie shook two fingers as she replied. “Yeah, in my purse.”

I passed her the joint. Probably shouldn’t have since she was drinking too, but fuck it! She was a grown woman.

I sniffed and wiped me nose. Cassie took out the cards with one hand before getting frustrated since she couldn’t get them open. She passed me back the joint before taking one last puff. I took it as a chance to take another drag.

Cassie got the cards out and began to shuffle them. “So, what game are we playing?”

I shrugged. “Want to play Go Fish?”

Cassie chuckled while meeting me gaze. “That’s your favorite game, isn’t it.”

I shrugged again, exhaling while stubbing out the joint. “Easiest to play. That’s all.” So, that’s what we did ‘til I found meself getting more ‘n more sluggish. I felt the imaginary hand squeeze me heart as much as it was racing. That sense of dread better known as a cold sweat.

Before I knew it, I passed out.

When I came too, I felt a cold towel on me forehead. Slowly, I reached for it and dragged it off me face. I moaned as I sat up straight in me chair. I looked to me right to see Cassie chatting up some guy.

My moan caught her attention.

“Oh, good, you woke up, Ali. You smoked too much weed again. I got you a towel from the bar while you were passed out. Just stay there for a while. This is Henry.” Cassie motioned to Harry who greeted me.

Through squinted eyes, I nodded at him and gave him a little wave. I turned me attention back on the wet towel. I placed it back on me forehead and just looked ‘round. People were dancing, sitting and having a chat, and others were just drinking. Well, okay. I didn’t want to pay attention to it, but there were people having sex ‘n doing a whole bunch of exhibitionist acts.

I stifled a laugh at meself while covering me mouth. I swear this place is always a madhouse, but it was very freeing too. People were just free here. It made me feel like I fit in.

The bad thing abar sitting down by yourself when you’re high, for me, is that I start thinking. Thinking while high isn’t good. ‘Cause what you find out is that you don’t feel pain all that much. If you catch my drift.

I sighed. The same thoughts that’s been haunting me kept repeating in me head. The same stuff as always.

Why was I here? What was my purpose? What was I going to do with my life now? ‘Cause honestly, I was a 22-year-old Hispanic English-American, who was working on her first book as well as beginning the process of having a baby. I was going to have a baby.

And now, I’m here. Getting high and drinking meself ‘til I blacked out. I was having anxiety attacks under the same roof of the man I’ve been obsessing over since 2013!

My whole life plan was fucked. I’m stuck in the 1920s where Women’s rights are not the highest priority. Fuck, my children are probably gonna be put through the second world war.

I sighed loudly as I pinched me nose and started bouncing me leg. I let the towel fall off me head and onto the table. I picked up back up and started wiping me neck with it.

I miss my family and friends. I want the comfort of being in my own home back. The feeling of security. I knew that no matter what my family would be there for me always. But here, here everything was conditional. Everything came at a price.

Doesn’t it?

I mean, yeah, it does.

I stopped wiping and got up. Me chair scraped loudly against the floor. I got up too quickly. Me vision went black and I had to sit down again. I stifled the moans that wanted to escape me mouth out of embarrassment and pride.

When me vision cleared, I got up again. Slower this time. Then, I began to make my way over to the bar.

“Oi!” I shouted. The bartender looked toward my direction. I raised the towel and he walked over to me. “I wanted to give this back. Don’t need it anymore. Thanks.”

He took it from me hand while nodding. “No problem, miss.”

I nodded while taping the bar top rhythmically before turning ‘round and walked back to the table.

I have no idea what time it is. I don’t care. I fucked up. I groaned and doubled over.

“Get the fuck up, Ali.” Cassie slurred.

“Do one, slag.” I replied while trying to push her away.

She tsked. “You fuckin’ first. We’re almost at your stupid house.”

“You’re stupid.”

“Bitch.”

“No you.”

We glared at each other before busting out laughing. I started kicking me feet.

“I’m gonna piss meself!” I shouted. “I’m gonna-! I’m gonna piss meself!”

Cassie cackled even harder while clutching me arm with a death grip. I said “ow,” very childishly as I tried to pry her grip off me.

Anyway, I drank. I stupidly drank and was also high. I can’t describe the feeling except that I am extremely tired and numb.

I slumped to the side and tried holding me head up, but failed. I groaned loudly as me head slipped from me hand. I shot back up and held my stomach. I felt like I was gonna be sick.

I pried open the window and stuck out me head.

“Get in, you dummy.” Cassie shouted as she tried to claw me back inside. Her nails only leaving a little bit of sting. It was enough for me to register that she was doing it.

I breathed slowly and deeply. I tried making the cold wind sober me up. But then the clawing got annoying, so I shook off the heel of my left foot and used it to push her away.

I could faintly hear her groan. Should’ve known that wouldn’t have stopped her. She started pulling on me leg. I rolled me eyes and got back into the car.

“I was trying to feel better, Cass!” I shouted in face.

She pouted angrily, like a child, before burying her face in me breasts. I sighed and started stroking her hair. I did it for so long that I didn’t even realize we had made it to me house.

“Ms. Welsh, we’ve arrived.” Simmons repeated.

“Huh? Oh, okay.” I looked ‘round the car ‘n saw that everyone was passed out. I loudly stifled me laughter. “Simmons, they, uh.”

“I know, Ms. Welsh. I can take care of it.” He smiled at me through the rear-view mirror.

I trusted him as much as Cassie trusted him. He came with her and her father from America. He’s been with their family for a long time.

So, I nodded and slipped out from under Cassie slowly. I opened the car door with the same pace and then stumbled out. I was flailing abar like fucking Bambi! I gasped when I was able to balance meself. I took a deep breath and then tapped on the hood of the car.

“Thank you, Simmons.”

“You’re welcome, Ms. Welsh. Goodnight.”

“You too.” I said before giving him a salute and turning ‘round. I trudged over to the door and shifted through me purse for the keys. I groaned impatiently when I couldn’t find them right away.

Once I did, I cheered and unlocked the door. I stumbled through, me heels clacking against the floor. As I was taking off me coat, I noticed a coat that’s not often there. Along with a very familiar shoulder holster.

A whisper escaped my lips as me fingertips carefully touched the items. “Tommy.”

I slowly walked into the living room and saw that there was a fire lit along with a glass on the table. I walked even slower toward the couch, me heart in me throat. I looked over it and sure enough, he was sleeping on the couch.

I smiled with scoff. I, immediately, turned ‘round and slowly went upstairs. I didn’t want to disturb his sleep. Hardly gets any as it is.

As I closed my door, I let out a sigh of relief. I looked down and cured. “Fuck! I forgot to hang up me coat.” I tsked and ripped it off me. I threw it on me chair. I crossed me arms and took off my dress. I had to fight with it a little, though. I left it on the floor and walked to my closet.

I took out my matching white nightgown and robe. I put them both on. I tied the robe tightly around me stomach and then began taking the pins out of me hair. I trudged over to my desk and threw them on there.

I shook out me hair and finally looked at meself in the mirror. I smiled at meself softly. If there was something I was absolutely confident abar meself, it was me hair. I smiled again before looking down and getting the stuff I needed to take off all this makeup.

Once I was done, I walked over to me bed and sat down on it. I wasn’t tired anymore. So, I just sat there. I shuffled over the window and just looked. I would strain me eyes so much that black dots would appear and I would frighten meself.

What am I doing here? Why am I here? How is ma and papa doing? Are they grieving over me? How abar me friends? Did they know I was gone? Did anyone? Was this real? This is real, right?

Calm down, Aliena. That’s not your name. I took a deep breath. That’s not your name! You are not 18-years-old. Why is your body like this? Why can I do things that I couldn’t do before?

I raised me hand to me head.

What am I doing? How long am I going to wait for Tommy to look at me? How long am I going to stay with this family? Should I just move in with Cassie? No, no that’s wrong.

No, this is wrong.

Stop being so irrational. You’re just feeling depressed, right now. You’ll get over this soon. You’re overreacting.

But what if I’m not?

When Grace comes back, will Tommy still sleep with her? Does he love her as intensely as he did on the show?

Why would you think anything else? Well, we used to be close. Used to be! He made it clear many nights ago that you were to be married to someone else. He doesn’t like you like that!

I whimpered and gripped me head tighter. Me feet going back and forth on the bed, messing up my blankets.

Even if he did, you’re too insecure. You can lie to yourself all you want, but you’d be worried. Worried every time he left that door. Every time he had a far off thought. “Are you thinking of her?” You’d think. “Did you cheat on me?” You ask. “If you ever cheat on me, I’ll kill you.” You’d threaten.

Toxic, toxic, toxic.

Should I try to go back?

My eyes shot open and I gasped.

Should I try to go back? Maybe this is all a very complicated dream. If I die, then maybe I’ll wake up in my room at home. I see me ma’ sitting in the living room with her dogs. Papa would be in his room working or with her in the living room. I’d see my baby niece.

I gulped. I put down me hands and noticed they were shaking.

Things here aren’t that great. I’m not close to Tommy anymore. I’m depressed and I can’t recall most days. I’m drinking meself half to death. I should just…

I looked at the door with wide eyes. I felt tears sting me eyes. I took a shuddering breath and slowly, me feet touched the floor. I gasped and a tear fell from me eye. I walked toward me door and slowly opened it.

I savored every creak of the door. When I deemed that I opened it enough to slip through, I stopped and did just that. I twirled ‘round and closed it with just as much care. I walked past Tommy’s door with ease since he was downstairs.

I was at the top of the stairs when it hit me.

Should I leave a note?

I raised me hand to my mouth and nibbled on my fingernail. I shook me head, deciding against it.

I went down the stairs, one step at a time. Each more daunting than the last. I didn’t want to risk waking up Thomas. When I got to the last step, I let out a shuddering sigh of relief.

I tiptoed across the room all the way to the door. I went to get me coat and mentally cursed meself.

I left it upstairs.

I looked back at the stairs. My face contorted in discomfort. I looked back at the rack and stared at Tommy’s coat and shoulder holster. I then shifted my gaze to the couch where he laid.

I took a deep breathe and raised me hands at a snail’s pace. I took the holster into me hands and carefully lifted it up. I put it on with little difficulty. I thought I would have trouble since I saw Tommy having some from time to time.

The holster was empty. I knew it would be. I took a deep breath and tip-toed over to where Tommy laid. There on the little table was the gun. I held me breath as I walked closer.

I was in front of him now. I couldn’t stare. He would feel it. ‘Cause of the war. I reach down and quickly snatched the gun. I didn’t waste a second as I quickly walked back to his coat. With the gun clenched tightly in me hand, I exhaled as silently as I could. Me mouth opened wide as I slowly let the breath out.

When I didn’t see his head pop up, I swallowed me worries. I placed the gun in the holster and then hurriedly put on the coat.

It was so big on me. Me hands were lost in the sleeves and it reached me mid-thigh.

I could admire it later. I blinked and made my way to the door. I gripped the handle with a strength I didn’t know I had. Me hands shook as I slowly unlocked the door. Then, I opened it with just as much care.

Just like I’d done earlier, I slipped through the sliver. Once the door was shut, I let go an audible exhale. I looked ‘round me and instantly felt paranoid. I walked fast and looked at no one.

I brought the sleeves to me face. I took in the scent.

Cigarettes. It smelt of cigarettes and his cologne. I used to associate the smell of ciggie with me gran, but now— I was surrounded by smokers. The scent, I would think, would evade my nose since it was so common. I just adapted to it.

I took in the sights as I walked past them.

This maybe the very last time I walk these cobblestone steps. This last time I set eyes on these houses. No more gossips, no more whispers.

I took another gasp for air and quickened my pace.

I kept feeling like someone was chasing me.

There was this burn in me legs. They were begging for me to stop, but I was used to it. It reminded me of the times I would feel this burn in me legs when I walked to and from school.

So, I marched on all the way ‘til I reached my special place. When my parents’ headstones were in sight, it got very real. I was going to attempt committing suicide again. It was like white noise filled me head as I walked up to them.

I dropped to me knees when I stood in front of their headstones. Me hands instinctively began to trace their names.

Memories of them began to flash in me head. From when I was little to just, what, two years ago now. I have a feeling the childhood memories were fabricated, though. I hardly have any positive memories of that time. I lost them to my depression.

I sucked in breath and exhaled, shakily with my cheeks puffed.

I just kept thinking abar their faces. How much I missed them. That brought on longing for me friends. I met them in high school ‘n they meant everything to me. I thought they would see my babies. They wanted to be there for me ‘n now…

I let out a curt laugh to meself as I bent me head, in shame. Slowly, I got off me knees and sat on me bum. I brought me trembling hand to where the gun was. It was cold in me grasp.

I took it out. The holster made a noise as I did so. I held it with both hands.

My breathing got quicker and I felt more and more fear.

I was going to die. What if I die? What if I die and don’t wake up? What if I don’t see my parents’ again after all and I just threw away my life?

Isn’t that what you wanted! I mean you’re depressed, aren’t you!

Yes, but no. I had things I wanted to do before I died.

So, why are you doing this?

“Because I’m so fucking tired.” I sobbed as I raised my forearms to hide me face. I brought my knees to me chest as well.

I let out an “oooh” before blowing the rest of the exhale out.

Well, then what abar the Shelbys’? How will they react when they find my body? Will they weep? Will they hold a funeral? Will I change things?

I choked on a sob. Then, it hit me. Like a fucking revelation an idea struck me.

Let’s leave this to a high power. I don’t care who. God, Fortuna, Tyche, or just the laws that controlled fucking chance.

I opened up the cylinder, spread me legs, and emptied out the chamber. I let the bullets fall on me dress. I took the bullets and set them aside one by one. I held that sixth bullet in me palm. I rolled it ‘round in me palm.

This very bullet will decide my fate. It completely holds the fate of my life. This little thing.

I slid it back into a chamber, closed me eyes, spun the cylinder, and then snapped it closed. I opened me eyes ‘n a tear fell out.

When debating suicide, I only accepted two ways. Overdosing on sleeping pills and a bullet to the head, no pain. Peaceful.

I laid down between the headstones of my parents and looked up at the sky. Tree branches were slightly in the way, but it made for a beautiful picture. Tears were falling out of me eyes more now. Blurred me vision, but I didn’t care. I liked the way me tears rolled down me face.

Slowly, I raised the gun to me temple. I inhaled sharply and held it as cocked the gun. A sob wracked my body.

I placed me finger on the trigger gently. Thoughts in me head were racing a hundred miles per hour.

I kept apologizing to everyone that ever mattered to me. The Shelbys, my friends here, my family, and my friends there.

I licked my lips, threw my head back against the ground, and gasped. I closed my eyes.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered. “Tommy,” was left unsaid.

Then, I pulled the trigger.

TAG LIST: @amirahiddleston @nemesis729 @salvatoreitmeanssaviour @tlfshelby1 @halepea @lilymurphy03 @marsfireeyes @masumiyetimziyanoldu @i-love-superhero @thatweirddaydreamer

#thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby #thomas shelby fanfic #thomas shelby angst #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby x oc #in another world #Peaky Blinders #peaky blinders imagine

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docholligay · 4 years ago

Note

SM rewrite: any of haruka's first times meeting the inners

EPisode 92! 1960 words, I hope you enjoy, I AM HAVING FUN TODAY

“He’s SO HOT, Mina.”

Usagi was off on yet another one of her larks, talking about some guy she’d seen at the arcade. She’d thought, at first, that she was talking about Motoki, who Mina took to be her current obsession who was not Mamoru of the moment, but maybe that had been several moments ago. It was hard to tell with Usagi.

People always took her and Usagi to be alike, and if that gave Mina the benefit of being underestimated, that was fine with her. And it was true, that they both liked attractive people, in a way, but Mina was more of a freelancer, moving from this flower to that like a brilliant butterfly with no particular link to any one person, while Usagi fell in love with every man she ever met.

That too. Usagi was still under the impression that she was straight, and the delusion might yet follow her all the way to the wedding altar. That, in particular, was none of Mina’s business, who had realized since the age of 12 that attractive was attractive in her eyes, which became the fact that a bedroom was a bedroom, as she got older, and what it might say on someone’s driver’s license or facebook held little notice for her when it was time to go home.

Dating, on the other hand--well, she wasn’t bold enough to tell Usagi to never date a man, if she had other options, not while she was still enamored of Mamoru, but she certainly thought it hard enough. Mina had learned that lesson quickly. Men were like riding a roller coaster, exhilarating and fun, for a quick ride, but eventually you just get sick.

Usagi had not yet learned this, and it was in this that Minako allowed her to keep your youthful naivete. She had time yet to learn.

“His name is HARUKA,” she swung her bag around, “I heard the cashier say it. Isn’t that dreamy?”

Mina chuckled, “It’s one of the most popular names in Japan, Usagi. I go to school with like, 4 Harukas.”

“Well, it seems different on him!” She gave a little scowl and a stomp of her foot, but then smiled brightly and whipped around, “Come to the arcade with me and see him!” She narrowed her eyes playfully, “We can compete to see who he’ll fall in love with.”

This was the point at which Rei would have chimed in that Usaig had a boyfriend, if she had denied to leave off from her shrine duties and hang out with them after school, but she hadn’t, and Mina didn’t see why something like a boyfriend should get in the way of a good time.

“Amazing. I hope you like losing.” Mina cackled as she swanned toward The Crown. She hadn’t been in a while, not for any particular reason, other than she was doing a bunch of back work for a hostess club, which she hoped would hire her as a hostess the absolute second she turned 18. Unfortunately, they were too above-board to hire her for anything at the front right now. It was less than a year. She’d live.

Usagi rushed into the Crown, ever with the perfect idea of how to act casual, and gazed immediately over to the racing game in the corner, hand under her chin as she leaned against an old copy of Pacman.

“There he is!!!” she stage whispered, hissing as she grabbed Mina’s hand.

She sighed and turned to tell Usagi that he was going to hear them, but he didn’t look over even at all, and Mina’s brow twitched as she noticed it. His hearing must not be anything to write home about. He was wearing a blazer over the top of a sweater, over the top of a collared shirt, which seemed a bit like overkill to Mina, but hey, maybe he was cold.

MIna walked over to him, Usagi half-tiptoeing behind in a way that Haruka would find either cute or incredibly unsettling, and based on that, Mina would change her strategy. It was all a sort of chess game, flirting and seduction, and with men maybe it wasn’t even chess. Checkers, or something.

“Hi!” Usagi popped up, “Good afternoon! We saw that you were playing alone here, and were wondering, you know!”

Mina looped her arm across the back of the car seat, and leaned against it. “Care for a friendly game?”

Haruka ruffled his hair, and looked up at her, and Mina nearly burst out laughing. She hadn’t noticed, with the bulkiness of the blazer and other entrappings, and she hadn’t looked hard enough when she’d been standing with Usagi, but looking now, there was no mistake. Haruka wasn’t a man at all. Oh, she was tall, and gangly, and even given the sweater probably fairly flat-chested, but there was the unmistakable fullness of her lip, the softness of her brow, the way she looked at Usagi and Mina. Mina was a bit of an expert, in these matters.

She looked over to Usagi. No reason not to let this play out. Why not, she’d earned some fun. Maybe Usagi would have a moment of realization--Mina doubted she’d ever seen a butch lesbian outside of Takarazuka, and those women were made up to the high heavens, more drag than the genuine article.

So she smiled.

“Just a race or two.”

Usagi started to stammer, and step in front of her, but Mina dodged it effortlessly. Why have one bit of fun, when she could have two? Besides, Usagi may have been wrong about Haruka being a boy, but she wasn’t wrong about a certain quality of rough handsomeness that she carried, that sort of young, gentlemanly way, with a touch of insecurity, that Mina sometimes found very winning about the younger butch set. She could have a worse time.

“Sure,” Haruka smiled, and nodded, then added, “I always like to play with a pretty girl.”

Her voice was deep, but not overly so, and Mina found the feminine lilt at the end of her sentences quite charming. She rather liked butches, when it came down to it. They had a habit of picking up the charming parts of masculinity while letting the rest rot where it belonged.

MIna slid in next to her. She smelled good, like sandalwood and maybe a touch of motor oil, which Mina wouldn’t have thought would be charming. Usagi was salivating as they put their coins into the slot, but she stood and watched Mina. She’d played this game plenty of times, and beaten Usagi at it nearly every time, save when Motoki accidentally spilled a drink on her in the middle of a race. This wouldn’t be too hard, but she would be careful not to humiliate Haruka, and maybe even let her win in the last stretch--

She looked over to the map. Haruka was already out in front, her car on full manual and effortlessly gliding through it, swinging the wheel and tapping on the brake and gas at perfect intervals.

Minako, for a moment, became just a little enraged. She hadn’t even wanted to win before this moment, but for her to be beaten so easily, by whatever putz of a nerd was too old to be hanging out in an arcade but clearly WAS hanging out in an arcade, on an afternoon, and didn’t she have a job or college or something to go to?

She slammed down on the gas, trying desperately to catch up, to make a better showin, but Haruka just kept going and going, hitting checkpoints without a second thought, not even the slightest amount of wrinkle to her forehead.

Besides all that, Usagi was laughing and clapping her hands like the damn fool she was.

Mina tried to weave around the fake traffic in her way, but ended up broadsiding a bus full of fake schoolchildren, and she imagined their fake screams echoing her own as the Game Over flashed across the screen. She quite forgot her seduction, in the moment, as she slapped the middle of the steering wheel and laid her head down on it.

“I can’t believe I lost that bad!”

Haruka chuckled, “No, you actually did pretty good.”

Mina straightened up, smoothed her hair, and tried to regain herself.

“Sorry, it’s just,” she giggled, “I get so competitive. The uh….heat of the moment, you know what I mean?”

Haruka looked at her with a slightly confused sideways grin. “Sure.”

“Oh but I am sorry, Haruka, mother was forever at lunch, sometimes I swear she asks for things only to see the human limit of what a waiter will bear before smoke begins to run from his ears. It was never my intention to keep you waiting.”

“Oh, that’s okay.”

Mina saw Game Over flash across the screen a second time as Haruka looked at the woman who had just entered.

She was unquestionably beautiful, with a delicately rounded face that suggested a touch of foreignness at the eyes, eyes in green or blue but also somehow both, shifting a bit as the tides. Her hair was elegantly curled to her shoulders, and her carriage was straight and practiced, a show dog out for the afternoon with all the regular mutts. She wore a finely tailored blouse of silk with a demurely pleated skirt, round toe leather on that fit her perfectly on her feet, a bag at her side that was the sort of designer you wore if you were too polished for garishness of advertising that you wore designer. The whole of her felt wrong in the crown, like placing Italian marble in a kid’s playplace, and she smelled of rose and jasmine.

But none of that was what stopped Mina in her tracks, no, wealth and polish was not enough to frighten her off. It was the look Haruka gave her, that wide-eyed gaze like a tourist standing in front of some great masterwork, and the softness with which she had responded. Mina didn’t know if they were together, or if they weren’t but she knew one thing for sure:

Haruka was desperately smitten. She could have competed with Usagi for stupid in love, at that point. She and Usagi were getting nowhere with this one.

Haruka rose to her feet, taking her bag and tossing it over her shoulder in one motion. MIchiru turned to leave the arcade, and Haruka gave a nod back to Usagi.

“Hey, uh, you with the buns,” She smiled and tossed her hair, “We should play next time.”

Usagi’s eyes damn near became hearts, but Mina just gave a half-hearted wave and a nod. There were fights you could win, and fights you couldn’t win, and Minako Aino didn’t ever throw effort straight into a fire. She had more of a sense of self-preservation than that.

Haruka turned to walk next to her companion, who gave her the smallest closed-mouth smile.

“Well, aren’t we making friends so quickly today?”

Haruka chuckled. “You jealous or something?” She looked at the woman with what Mina noted was a mix of hope and fear.

“Oh, terribly.” she answered. This woman knew exactly what Mina knew.

Haruka shook her head, unable to keep up the ruse. “They’re high school girls,” she shrugged, “ They seem like such little kids. But they’re cute, right?”

“As kittens.” Noted the elegant woman, as they breezed out the door.

There was a pause for a moment as even Motoki stood beside them to watch them leave, the perfume still hanging in the air as if the entire place were surrounded by petals. Usagi put her hands on her hips.

“Is it just me, or were they both ridiculously good-looking?”

#Eight Days 2020 #SM rewrites #Anonymous

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shihozaki · 4 years ago

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Hi!! My pronouns are she/her and I’d like to matched up with a guy from Haikyuu! I am ENFJ, (but sometimes enfp). I’m outgoing and generally nice to everyone, but I have a very sassy, goofy personality. Naturally flirty and very affectionate, and my love language is physical touch. I have my moments when I get shy and anxious, especially around someone I really have a crush on. Yet at the same time I’m the person always trying to hug and cuddle my friends even after roasting them.

My favorite colors are blue, red, purple and pink. I love some teasing. I’m passionate about acting and singing. I love to listen to all kinds of music. I am African-American. I have really long curly blackish hair and I’m 5’0. I’m a Gemini Sun, Cancer Rising and Gemini Moon. I am a caring and adaptable person, and like to make people happy I always finding a way to slip a stupid joke in🙄( joking is my coping mechanism) .

I don’t have a specific type, but I do like someone with goals and passion. I like someone I can laugh with and also have real deep conversations with. I’m so into the romantic lovey-dovey stuff, yet sometimes I act like a little boy💀. I can be loud asf, even just when normally talking cause I usually have a lot of energy. As far as style goes, it varies from 12 year old boy with some joggers and a t-shirt wayyyy too big for me , to like a 90s baddie with some hoops on, to girly with skirts, sweaters and some knee high socks.

As far as accomplishments go, I’ve won state in theater and continue to pursue acting. It’s something I’m very passionate about and want to pursue as a career. Some flaws of mine are overthinking and my anxiety. Like I’ll overthink an entire situation before I really know what happened and assume that someone like hates me. My anxiety can get kinda bad, i get all shaky and I care a lot about what people think of me (although I try to deny it). I’ll kinds just shut down and get uncharacteristically quiet. But im like scary good at hiding it, since I’m such an extroverted person..and I don’t like feeling like a burden...you have to be good at paying attention to detail, or I’ve gotta be comfortable to enough to confess whats really going on in my head. So I’ll need someone who can bring me back to earth every now and then. But it’s getting better with time and I’m trying to stress myself out less. When I’m out I’ve got such a big personality and I’m making dumb jokes and dancing, but when I get home I’m just chilling and watching anime. (Although I will dance and make jokes if I feel like it). And I’m a night owl!

Sorry I know this was pretty long! Thank you for taking the time to read it 💗

Thank you for being so patient and understanding, I love that you put so much info for me! I also love acting :)) I hope you enjoy it!

I pair you up with Yamaguchi Tadashi!

- He’s absolutely whipped for you. When he confessed, he was half expecting you to say no, since he thought you only hung out with him because of Tsukishima. When you agreed, he was so happy!

- He appreciates you and always backs you up. You guys talk about everyone and everything in secret!

Sometimes like a parent- takes care of you, helps you… he’s not exactly loud but he can meet up to your energetic expectations.

- Did I mention he’s respectful? He always stops to make sure you are feeling safe and secure before doing anything.

- Always blushes so much when you flirt with him. It takes courage for him to flirt back, but usually it comes out more like a compliment. You find it adorable.

- Absolutely loves your hugs. He loves back hugs, whenever you surprise him with a back hug, he hugs back your arms. Hard to explain but you get it, right?

- He helps you with lines whenever you’re practicing theatre! He’s your number one fan, and quite looks up to you often.

- And when you cheer for him while playing volleyball? He feels like he won a million dollars. Tsukkishima tends to tease him for that, but Yamaguchi can’t deny.

- He notices whenever you’re anxious or when you shut down. He tries to talk to you about it, reminding that he’s there for you. He can surprisingly calm you down very well, probably because of his warm nature.

- He always reacts to your jokes first. Whenever you send something in the groupchat, he always watches it, never leaves you on ‘seen’.

- Overall, you guys have a well balanced relationship, often relying on each other!

Scenario: When you first meet!

“Look out!” That was the last thing you heard before your face met a volleyball. You lost balance and fell to the ground, scattering your books and scripts on the ground. A boy ran up to your side, gently helping you up. “Are you okay?” Said the green haired boy. “Maybe? Hard to tell.” You replied. You bent down to pick up your scripts. The boy crouched down and started helping you. When you reached for the last sheet of paper, your hand met with his. You quickly pulled your hand back. “Sorry!” Said the boy. “Here.” He handed you the sheet. “I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi… sorry about that.” He said. You nodded, not knowing what to say. He was cute. His freckles, his shy smile… all to your taste. He must have noticed you staring, because he spoke up, trying to break the tension. “Are you trying out for the school musical?” “Oh, yeah! I am.” You replied. You wanted to say something, anything. But your usual flirty self was gone, leaving a shy girl. “I’ve got to go, but…I wish you luck then. Although I don’t think you’ll need luck.” He smiled. “Bye!” He picked up the volleyball from the ground, then walked away. You stood still in silence. Then came the train of thoughts. Why were you so quiet? You could have at least told your name! And why was your heart beating so fast? You knew you could have done better at flirting. You waved your thoughts away and headed to the school cafeteria. What you didn’t know was that his heart was beating faster.

Song: I’m Yours by Jason Mraz

I hope you enjoyed it! I didn’t know if you did theatre, but it said acting so I added it to the scenario! Please let me know what you thought about the matchup. Thank you, I hope to see you again soon!

#haikyuu matchups #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu!!#yamaguchi x reader #matchups closed #matchups #anime fanfic

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quarantined-with-bucky · 5 years ago

Text

Happiest Year

Bucky x Reader

Words: ~ 2,700

Summary: Bucky thanks you for the happiest year of his life.

Warnings: Angst (again lol)

A/N: No trick ending this time! The song gives it all away :( “Happiest Year” by Jaymes Young. Enjoy!

...

Month 9

He would never get tired of staring into your eyes. Its how he wanted to fall asleep at night: watching as your eyes fluttered closed slowly, wanting to stay awake with him, pillow talking, gazing into each other’s eyes. Its how he wanted to wake up every morning: watching you squint your eyes open at the sunlight shining from the window, softly smiling as you rubbed the sleep from those eyes.

“What are you lookin’ at,” you mumbled, tilting your chin up, curling up into Bucky’s side.

“Your eye boogers,” he grinned back, laughing loudly as you swatted at his chest.

You giggled back, playfully trying to shove him off the bed – obviously not strong enough. He hooked an arm around your waist, pulling you towards him, burying his face in your neck. “You jerk,” you laughed, breathless.

“I’m kidding, baby.” He kissed your neck, then straightened up to kiss your lips. “You know I love your eyes boogies.”

And that’s how it went. From month 1 to month 11. Every night falling asleep in each other’s arms, waking up in each other’s arms. Constantly laughing and poking fun at each other; it was all light-hearted fun. It was nice to have found someone to laugh with; he hadn’t felt so free in years. To be able to laugh with someone without worrying if you were the butt of the joke. To be able to live with someone who didn’t care or even know about his past; there were no reminders of that side of him: no files labeled The Winter Soldier, no agents leaving the room as soon as he walked in, and no having to look at Stark’s face every day – a painful reminder of the things he had done.

You who he was, sure. You knew about his past; he’d let you in on a few things. He trusted you. He knew that no matter how much money TMZ offered you, how much your friends poked and prodded you, you wouldn’t break; you’d happily take his secrets to the grave with you. But you never pressured him to telling you anything. You understood his boundaries and his desire to not become his past – to go backwards.

So, you propelled him forwards. He relearned emotions: how to accept them, express them, and not cower away from them. He learned how to become a human again; more specifically, the human he was before the war: charming, charismatic, a sweet talker.

It was nice to feel like his old self. It was something he never thought he would’ve felt ever again. Even after he was free from Hydra, welcomed to the Avengers with open arms, he never felt right. With you it was different. He was comfortable; there was no pressure with you. He didn’t understand how someone could be so patient. You waited until he was ready for every step of this relationship. And then love hit him like a fucking freight train. He didn’t know what it felt like; he just woke up one day, looked into your bright eyes, and said: “I love you.”

I’m really on the ropes this time

I’ve been fighting all my life for you

Month 9

He realized that that feeling is what he’s been missing his whole life. It was the only piece left to the puzzle he’d been dying to complete.

Everyone around him noticed it, too. Steve, obviously, could not be more elated that Bucky had found someone. He liked being the one Bucky could confide in, but he knew there way always something missing. There was only so much friendly compassion that could get someone through life. Sam never let Bucky hear the end of it, constantly teasing him about how Bucky would smile down at his phone every time you texted him, how Bucky would come home in the morning after spending the night at your house, how he only came around the tower when he had to: workouts, meetings, missions. “Hey snow queen,” Sam called to Bucky after one debriefing. “You ever plan on sleeping in your own bed again?”

Bucky turned to the man, staring blankly at him. “What?” He stammered, “why?”

Sam chuckled, enjoying the fact that Bucky didn’t know he was joking. “I was just wondering, since you’ve been staying over at a ‘friend’s’ — ” completed with air-quotes “ – house.”

Bucky didn’t know what to say – he was on the ropes for sure.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Relax, man, I’m happy for you,” Sam said, walking over to the man and clapping him on the shoulder. “You should bring her by sometime. Everyone would love to meet her.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. The only person who had met you so far was Steve.

Bucky never brought you by.

Yeah, we made each other bleed

And we tasted it

Month 10

It was hard when Bucky went on missions, for both of you. You didn’t want him to leave, but you understood his obligation to do so. It would be selfish of you to keep him to yourself. So, you bit back your tears, kissed him goodbye, and told him to return to you in one piece.

Bucky came home from missions high with adrenaline every single time. No matter how long the jet ride home was, he’d sit on the plane, leg bouncing furiously, thinking about returning home to you the entire time. Sometimes, he’d come home to you, allow you to calm him down, pull him into a warm shower; he’d let you wash the dirt and blood off his hardened body, double wash his long hair, and let you hold him – that’s really all he needed: your body in his arms, standing with his head tucked down in the crook of your shoulder. You would rub circles on his knotted back, soothing him, relaxing him.

Other times, the adrenaline would get the most of him, he’d run through the front door, sweeping you up off your feet into his arms, chest against chest, pulling you away from whatever task you were doing. At first you would giggle – it was cute. But Bucky was all business. Where one hand remained hooked under your thigh, holding you to him, the other quickly snaked up through your back and hair, finding the back of your neck, pulling your mouth to his. Your smile quickly faded into a moan and release of breath as he met you with an open mouth kiss. He swallowed your noise and wasted no time in slipping his tongue into your open mouth.

The kiss was sloppy, there wasn’t time for perfection; he needed your mouth on his, your tongue on his, your ass in his hand – he gave it a firm squeeze and you moaned into his mouth: “James.”

He missed you; he missed the noises you’d make. Each breath, moan, whine. Each time you’d mumble his name, as if it was the only word you’d remembered; scream his name, as if it was your only salvation.

And when you breathed his name into his mouth, he bit your unsuspecting bottom lip, kissing it again, sucking it into his mouth to run his tongue around the metallic taste that was now shared between your mouths.

I’m here to admit

That you were my medicine

Oh, love, I can’t quit

Month 10

He woke you up the next morning with a kiss. He watched as your eyes fluttered open, shutting again quickly, following with a yawn and a stretch. Bucky watched as you cozied yourself back up in the sheets, the cold morning air creating goosebumps on your naked skin. You pulled the blanket up to your chin, turning your head towards Bucky, greeting him with a smile.

And it was this look that Bucky could never grow tired of. It made saving the world worth it, just so he could come home to you again. So, he could watch you looking up at him with lust-filled eyes, gazing up at him in adoration.

Those eyes could heal any wound, cure any disease, and mend any broken heart.

I never should have said goodbye

But maybe that’s what stupid people do

Month 12

“James, please,” you pleaded, sobbing – wailing – holding your hands to his chest, white-knuckling fistfuls of his jacket, unwilling to let him go. “Why?” You begged to understand.

God, he felt stupid. He felt like an idiot.

Throwing away the past year – all the memories, intimate moments, love the two of you had shared – for what seemed, to you, like nothing. But he had been thinking about it for quite some time. Hell, he’d been thinking about it since day one.

It was a part of his programming: the way he’d lived for the past seventy-plus years. At first, it was that he wasn’t deserving. He didn’t deserve love, compassion; he didn’t deserve the featherlike touches of you trailing your fingers over his scars, your soft kisses on his lips, you whispering sweet nothings to him, telling him how much you loved him.

Then it revolved around the fact that he was a monster. That he would hurt you. It was never his intention, obviously. He wanted quite the opposite. But he’d have nightmares. He would wake you up in the middle of the night; you were tranquil, and you calmed him down. You let him talk if he needed to – which he did sometimes – but you never pressured him. You understood his demons for him and understood that he needed to deal with it in his own way.

One month ago, he had a nightmare, and woke himself up thrashing in his bed. Quickly scanning his surroundings, he found you hunched over on your side of the bed, wincing as you clutched your ribcage in silence. “Oh my god,” was the only thing Bucky could whisper, in complete disbelief. He did that. He did that to you.

He elbowed you in the ribs as you were laying next to him. You woke up with a gasp, rolling over, wincing in pain. You quickly settled your breathing, rubbing the area furiously as the pain subsided. Nothing felt cracked, maybe it would be bruised tomorrow. You turned towards Bucky, now quietly panicking on the edge of the bed. You reached out towards him.

He stared at your outstretched hand, hanging in the open air between the two of you. He was absolutely paralyzed in both his body and mind. Why were you reaching out to him? How could he do that to you – when he promised to never hurt you.

“Buck,” you croaked. “It’s okay, you didn’t hurt me.”

“Yes. I. Did.” Each word was punctuated with a shaky breath. His whole body was shaking. He’d spent years and years inflicting pain against innocent people. But this one hurt the most.

You crawled over to him on the bed, Bucky matching each of your movements with a step backwards. You held your arms out to him. “James, please.”

…

“I can’t be with you. I can’t hurt you.” It was one month ago. You knew he was upset, and you knew he’d changed. He wouldn’t touch you anymore; he wouldn’t hold you at night. He let you curl up to him at night, wrap your arms around him, kiss him. But it became all you. He was scared to touch you; he didn’t know if he would hurt you again.

And it became increasingly clearer every day that passed by. What if one day he loses all control – just like that night? His mind was not secure; as much as he’d like to think that he was safe now, there was always a chance he could be brain-washed again – that his mind, his free-will, would be taken away from him again. After all that’s happened in his past, even his recent past, he could never rule it out as a possibility. And, as sad as it was, everybody knew that. Steve, Bruce, Tony – especially Tony – all kept an eye out. Everybody knew that except for you.

You didn’t know a few stupid words could trigger him into a murderous villain. It came out in the media that he was framed, yes, of course his record was cleaned; but you didn’t know the extent and the trauma that came along with it.

“You’re, hurting me now, how don’t you understand that,” you screamed through tears. He held onto your wrists, forcefully removing them from your deathlike grip on his coat.

“I’m hurting you now, so I don’t kill you later, (Y/N).” He was firm – you didn’t understand how he could be so calm when he was tearing your heart clean out of your chest. “I can’t put you through this anymore. I’ve hit you once and who knows if it’ll happen again. (Y/N), I don’t have control over my actions – you don’t get it – but I can’t explain it to you – ” he cut himself off, understanding that his rambling only made you cry further, dropping your face into your hands, choking back sobs.

You wiped the undersides of your eyes with your palms, sniffing loudly. “Then explain it to me. You know that I can take it – I don’t care what’s happened to you – I just want to understand.”

“I have to do this because I love you.”

Oh, I can’t quit

And I’m down on my knees again

Asking

For nothing

Month 13

It was thirty days that he spent in his room. He only ate what Wanda would cook for him, making Vision bring him – through his wall; it was invasive, but Bucky needed to eat. He only showered when Steve made him; he’d missed workouts and meetings, but when Steve barged into his room (through the door – literally), and pointed out how greasy and knotty his hair was, the brunet washed up in the shower, sitting on the floor with the hot water running over him for two hours.

He had to keep reminding himself that he was suffering for a reason. There was a reason. You were the reason. Protecting you. All your tears, your broken heart: to protect you. You would heal, eventually. It was hard to know when; but you were beautiful, intelligent, kind, you were everything good in the world. She’ll find somebody better soon, he reassured himself. But the thought of you with anyone – laughing with anyone, kissing, touching anyone – it brought him to his knees; his heart dropping six feet below him.

Bucky barred F.R.I.D.A.Y. from saying your name or anything related to you. He unofficially banned any of his housemates from saying it, as well. One day when Steve brought you up, Bucky punched him straight in the mouth.

That was about the only thing he’d done in the past month.

He didn’t read, didn’t watch TV, didn’t speak.

It was thirty days of silence.

He didn’t want anything.

He only wanted you.

He couldn’t have you any longer.

But there was nothing he wanted more.

So, wake me up when they build that time machine

I want to go back

Wake me up when you’re sleeping next to me

Cause I really loved you

Month 15

Steve wouldn’t let Bucky go on missions anymore.

Tony wouldn’t let Bucky leave the tower anymore.

Not that Bucky wanted to do either of those things. The only thing he found solace in was his bed. His bed with the lights off, blinds closed, curtains pulled shut. It was pitch black all the time. All he wanted to do was sleep.

But he couldn’t sleep. Not alone, anyway.

He wished he was comatose – on ice again. Nothing felt the same without you. There was no light, no taste, no color. The only color he could see was the color of your eyes, clear as day.

He wished he could go back. He would go back to any day in the last year; even if he didn’t get to pick the day. Any day with you was better than one without you.

Leaving you was the only way you’d be safe. He loved you enough to know that.

Thank you for the happiest year of my life

Thank you, (Y/N).

I’m sorry.

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