#Sometimes gatekeeping isn't actually that bad actually.

[ivan-braginski-2001]

Antis are a prime example of why gatekeeping is actually good sometimes....

[lord-squiggletits]

It actually really annoys me how "expecting people to read the source material" is considered gatekeeping these days because like. Besides the obvious reasons, it's pretty off-putting trying to have conversations with people who only know a bite sized chunk of the overall story they claim to be a fan of? Like it's so off-putting to try and jump into a headcanon conversation like "oh yeah I think you could also add this aspect from this part of the comics" and the response you get is either "I haven't read that part" at best or "I literally don't care" at worst because it's like. Okay. I don't really want to hang out with people who seem disinterested or outright hateful towards the things that I like, so I'm literally just going to leave that space.

I guess you can be a fan of something without consuming every story it has to offer, but it's pretty fucking annoying to share fandom spaces with people who basically don't give a damn about the source material and will call you a meanie if you point out how this is perhaps a little bit strange.

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

I’m sorry but can you write more stuff about Vox being a gaslighter? I’m actually obsessed with your analysis

Thaaanks I'm obsessed about them too~ 🩵❤️

So, Vox is like the ultimate gaslighter. Manipulation and brainwashing? That's his whole freaking business plan. I mean, come on, the Voxtek slogan is "Trust Us," and somehow, people actually do.

Oh, let's talk about Voxtek - he's the worst, most manipulative boss ever. He's always pulling stuff like withholding essential information for a task someone's supposed to do, then publicly blaming them for screwing up. And he's sneaky about it too, acting all concerned and disappointed instead of just yelling. It makes people feel useless and insecure, so they bust their butts trying to please him and win back their colleagues' respect, never daring to stand up for themselves. Plus, he's a pro at keeping relationships between higher-up managers tense and distrustful by spreading rumors and creating a competitive vibe. And don't get me started on how he's a total hypocrite - Voxtek, like every other company, preaches its values and missions to create this fake sense of safety and purpose, but then he goes and acts against them or lets someone else do so. It leaves people feeling confused and helpless because they can't play the game when the rules keep changing. Let me tell you, Satan might work hard, but Voxtek's HR department works even harder.

And manipulating people on a personal level? Way too easy for him. People who don't know him well enough think he's some kind of genius (bless their hearts), so they give him way too much credibility. It's crucial for him to be seen as competent because that's how he stays in control. That's why he loves to question the competence of his business partners (Not to be that guy, but those numbers don't look great. Are you sure you can handle this? I don't want to waste my money.) or Valentino (Babe, I've got this. We both know you're not great with financial planning.). Thought hardly ever works on Velvette because she's got zero bullshit tolerance.

Now, when it comes to Valentino, Vox has zero remorse about gaslighting him. To him, gaslighting isn't even violence; it's just a way of handling things, all neat and effective. Why bother yelling and arguing when he can just manipulate Val into agreeing with him? It's like what we saw in episode 2. And even when Val has every right to be angry because Vox acted like a jerk, Vox tends to devaluate his emotions (I don't have time to deal with another temper tantrum, Val; You're always so pissy, why can't you just chill?) or tries to make him doubt his own reality (Maybe you'd remember it better if you weren't high all the time.). He hates arguing with Val, but also is unable to admit that he's wrong, so in his mind, undermining Val's ability to call him out on his bad behavior is a way of keeping their relationship healthy. But it's risky because sometimes Val sees through his manipulations, especially when they're about his feelings, and then things get even messier.

I like to think they trust each other when it comes to serious stuff, like protecting each other from outside dangers, but at the same time, it's like Mr. Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss is married to Mr. Manipulate Mansplain Manwhore - you never know if he's being genuinely nice or if he's trying to get you to do something.

[charismaofobedience]

Joseimuke fandom dashboard simulator

🦚 worldsbestessayist follow

heyy today i bring my analysis on the latest event and their impact on the characters lol

[very bad essay. the worst you've seen, even.]

( 8k2 notes ) ⇄ ♡

✒️ 1n28lsp9 follow

[the most beautiful and intricate piece of art you've ever seen in your life but you'll never be able to find it again due to the accounts name being just some numbers and letters]

rkgk

( 10 notes, 6 of which are you ) ⇄ ♡

🌄 sunnyimagines follow

s/i reader gets f*cked hard by [character] with a 43 cm d!ck hcs 💕

i won't let you escape now, kitten.........

keep reading

[most out of character thing you've ever seen]

( 600 notes ) ⇄ ♡

🐇 charactersirlblorbo follow

waah im so glad i didn't have to whale so hard for mongus newest gacha card... i thought i wouldn't be able to get him after i accidentally broke my leg and twisted one of my wrist while grinding for it on a public street and being fired from my job but after spending just some few money (200 dollars) he's home!!! isn't he such a scrunglo 🥰

[png of the most mid animeman you've ever seen]

🐍 shredoffandomsanity follow

I don't think that's normal.

( 103 notes ) ⇄ ♡

🌺 yourbestieskip

Hello! I'm skip and today I wanted to analyse blingus actions on the latest chapter of the event story since I've seen quite a big amount of people not understanding exactly why they acted that way and mischaracterizing them as this extremely evil and bad character! While they may indeed be someone flawed and who has done bad things, I think we should recognize they're not horrible and have a reason to act the way they do!

keep reading

[long amazing essay on the character and how the fandom can't understand character nuances at all because everyone has 0 media literacy. exactly because the fandom has 0 media literacy, people won't understand this at all.]

#fandom #character #analysis #please i hope i dont get canceled for this...

( 328 notes ) ⇄ ♡

💏 fujoshover follow

TIME TO SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL.

👾 yurilover69 follow

Really telling how op is new to the fandom by now knowing that mongblos are basically siblings due to their circumstances and how they grew up while not even acknowledging how on the event with a Ligma reward card they said that they love each other and want to forever be by their side :/

[please leave this post before you get to see all of the insane amounts of discourse and drama on how "they're not actual siblings" that will happen eventually because characters can't have nuance.]

( 946 notes ) ⇄ ♡

💏 fujoshover follow

hii im really sad ill have to do this post :/ but this is a callout on @/yourbestieskip and how they're contributing to gatekeeping and toxicity in the fandom with the way they treat others and people who don't read any of the stories and are only there for how pretty the characters are and the ships!!! proof under cut

keep reading

🐍 shredoffandomsanity

Please get out of your phone and go touch grass.

( 2k4 notes ) ⇄ ♡

🐇 charactersirlblorbo follow

[10 images of a character, be it different images or not]

MONGUS. YOU AGREE. REBLOG

#oajwosbaoebfkdhoahdoshakebflduspskdljs #isnt he so pretty!!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺

( 6k4 notes ) ⇄ ♡

🕳️ rabbitbarrithole

god it isn't just me that thinks sometimes mongus fans can be a bit annoying right??? like I get it that it's the main poster character of the fandom and all but the others also exist :/

🐍 shredoffandomsanity

No, you're right. I understand enjoying a character and all but I don't think it's healthy to reduce your whole existence to a character? Fandom people really have to let go of things a bit and focus more on their well being...

🐇 charactersirlblorbo follow

SHUT UP you all just don't get mongie like I do 🥰

( 67 notes ) ⇄ ♡

💫 bellbellart follow

look i drew spinglus:) please and reblog to support me!!!!!

[meme drawing done on mspaint in 4 minutes]

( 4k7 notes ) ⇄ ♡

🫀everbeatingheart follow

Hiiii im new to the fandom and im looking for new moots to be friends with!!!! basic info and more under the cut ^-^

- hea, 19

- [extremely personal info that shouldn't be shared online]

- Mongus kinnie, so if you're a slimpoo kinnie interested in kindating...um 👉👈

keep reading

🐇 charactersirlblorbo follow

A REAL LIFE MONGUS KINNIE??? kyaah... as slimpoo irl you don't mean... 🥺👉👈👉👈👉👈

🐍 shredoffandomsanity

No. I can't allow this to happen.

🫀 everbeatingheart follow

Why not!?!?! I've seen you around and you sound annoying as all fuck goddddd just get out our safe space fandom 😡

🐍 shredoffandomsanity

Well the truth is... I, too, am slimpoo irl and... Just like their canon selves who fell in love through fights and issues, might have developed... Feelings, for miss irlblorbo......

🐇 charactersirlblorbo follow

waah...?!

( 536 notes ) ⇄ ♡

😃 fandomfunnyman follow

[10 textposts memes with pngs of the fandom characters above them. one of them is identical to the rabbitbarrithole post.]

yippeeee:) today's memes lol

( 749 notes ) ⇄ ♡

[transmutationisms]

along w ur plato post uve also mentioned disliking marxist syllabi that make you go chronologically just to understand one author (ie greek philo - hegel - marx)

i was planning to go down this route this yr to combine both my long overdue dive into theory and philosophy, and i actually found this to be less overwhelming than immediately diving into say, continental philosophy or critical theory. i wonder then what other route you'd suggest for philosophy? (since for marxist theory youve pretty much alr answered it in a past ask)

are greek philosophers still "useful" to read for beginners or is it much better off to start with contemporaries? is this a case of "we've actually been doing the math curriculum wrong this entire time" or is it just personal preference. help

depends what you're trying to accomplish, but if someone's in my inbox asking how to get started reading theory or philosophy then i think it's a) unhelpful, and b) needlessly deferent to received ideas of 'canonicity', to perpetuate the notion that there's a single correct order in which to read, and it begins with the same 20 ancient greeks writing about geometrical forms and elemental tetravalence. like, it's worth remembering what's missing from a typical global north university's philosophy syllabus: perhaps most obviously, reams of islamicate scholarship and centuries of dialogue between 'western' and 'eastern' writers often suppressed in favour of a 'dark ages' narrative that just sort of jumps up to the 'renaissance'... and there are so many other, egregious, historically unjustifiable lacunae like this.

it's noble enough to want to know where an idea comes from or what its genealogical lineage is, but to try to discover this by reading through a list drawn up by classicists or philosophy departments is dangerously optimistic about the politicking that shapes and perpetuates such lists. even just reading the works that an author is openly citing or arguing with is lacking: what about, say, hegel, whose idea of freedom and enslavement developed partially in response to reading newspaper coverage of the haitian revolution? he didn't exactly announce that in the text! to read the phenomenology of spirit as merely the next intellectual step after kant is deeply distorted; for that matter, kant's own intellectual influences came not only from a supposed philosophical canon but also from the scientific and anthropological discourses underpinning his biological theory of race and defence of racism.

my issue with the "read chronologically" approach isn't that it's bad to follow a topic over a process of historical change. it's that these received lists of 'canonical' thinkers are artefacts of their own social and historical contexts, and are both produced to certain ideological ends, & then appealed to later in order to enforce and even naturalise those ideologies. if what we want is the context to understand what hegel or marx or adorno were really talking about, we need to engage with the texts as historical documents and with the histories as products of imperfect, biased, and ideologically laden human labour.

i'm not here to tell you not to read whatever you were planning to read. for one thing, sometimes the intellectual influence named in the syllabus is a useful one (there are certain questions about marx and marxian ideas that are easier to understand and answer if you have read at least a little bit of hegel). but, in the context of the overwhelming gatekeeping of knowledge, and the hegemonic use of ideas about canonicity and the 'right' way to read 'classics', if someone asks what they need to do in order to read xyz, i'm pretty much never going to default to "start by reading plato". read things that are interesting to you, however old they are; read about their authors; make liberal use of online resources like the SEP if you need a crash-course on certain concepts or jargon. you certainly don't need to be afraid of reading one text to better understand another. i just don't think you need to be beholden to that mode of reading, either, especially not in a context where the common wisdom on whose work belongs in such a genealogy is predicated on centuries of colonial and imperial scholarship and disseminated by institutions structurally positioned to defend the idea of an enlightened and ennobling western intellectual tradition.

in a certain twisted way, these 'standard' (to whom?) or 'traditional' (since when?) reading lists are often presented as the shortcut to the 'correct' understanding of landmark texts or authors—only, this is a 'shortcut' that considers ideas as disembodied from their real contexts, relating only to one another in an intellectual realm and developing in more or less linear fashion often to some teleological end; and, by dint of the sheer amount of material involved, it's also a 'shortcut' that many people will never actually traverse. i don't have an inherent problem with reading chronologically. i just don't automatically defer to these kinds of syllabi, and i think dethroning them could do us all a lot of good.

[11-eyed-rook]

About crafting, ableism, accessibility.

I've been wanting to bring this up for a while, actually.

I hate that there are people out there who call loom knitting "cheating at knitting". I've TRIED regular knitting, it makes my hands hurt very quickly (it's also why I don't often write on paper with a pen - my hands have never handled that well to begin with).

I find loom-knitting infinitely more accessible and incredibly easy to pick up on, as well as endlessly versatile and even addicting. It offers me an option to enjoy a hobby I otherwise wouldn't have been able to get into at all. If anything, I see it as a good thing that knitting looms are becoming more popular.

It's just bizarre to me how something like a CRAFTING HOBBY, something for purposes of self-expression, and the desire to create, can have communities still be full of gatekeeping.

This also applies to types of yarn that people choose to use in projects, if you can believe it. "You use acrylic? U know acrylic's plastic, right? Acrylic bad. Ew".

Like, there are people who are allergic to natural wool (I've known people who had to use acrylic because they're allergic to all regular wool yarn); there are people who are physically sensitive to how real wool feels on their skin (which was the case for me for much of my childhood, and that would lead to frequent sensory overloads)...

Maybe the only alternative to regular yarn wool available, IS, in fact, acrylic? (And yes, I know there are non-wool non-acrylic options, but some of them aren't suitable for most projects, some are simply unavailable to most people (like myself; I don't have access to yarn brands that North Americans have access to, thus, my options are fairly limited), and some offer no warmth whatsoever).

And I get it, plastic bad (acrylic, most knitting looms - all plastic), but those are options for more accessible crafting. But, honestly, can we please fucking stop pretending like some crafting communities aren't just fucking ableist for this gatekeeping sometimes, whether intentionally or not?

So much of what some people hate in crafting communities, boils down to gatekeeping hobbies and being mad when it becomes more accessible to people who can't do it the regular way for any particular reason. Of course this isn't EVERYBODY, but I've seen it happen enough times to bring it up at all.

I've seen regular knitting enthusiasts get pissed at people who make projects with knitting looms (calling it "cheating at knitting" etc.) or use acrylic yarn for any reason. I've seen people get discouraged from showing any more loom-knitting projects because of these (and other) reasons. I've seen some very intense judgement from people, when somebody talked about preferring acrylic yarn for their specific projects.

Maybe it's just what I think, but I feel like hobbies shouldn't be so full of gatekeeping. I don't think John KnittingNeedle will come to my house and make me explode forever, just because I used a knitting hook on a knitting loom, instead of torturing my hands by using regular knitting needles.

Nothing ever stands in place, including ways to do a hobby. There are tools and materials available to us now, that we wouldn't have had back in the early days of crafting, and all of that makes it easier than ever, to make something on your own.

[aviancataclysm]

CBF DETECTED, LOSER!

i made nullscapes real. any/all pronouns

gatekeeper. he is coming for you at night

voiceclaim zeronium

mimic type of shapeshifter pretends to be his sibling shardscapes <- dead. he killed them. (sort of a twisted first mission)

after that she likes to masquerade as shardscapes because they look much less intimidating than her form. oh and in place of og shardscapes they will fight the player but without transforming into true form

cryptid horror type of being until you get to know her personally (if you are close enough they just turn into the biggest yapper of the century)(be warned they have bad opinions)

physically capable of effortlessly performing even the most miniscule and precise movements (probably carves rice grains as a hobby)

200cm tall (6' 7")

they can attack using the geometrical spikes floating around or on their body, but they can also heal using magic that looks like the orb deco but put on the target wound

the cbf blocker is what is causing nullsc to have such horrid takes; it's sorta like a hate generator brain parasite/tumor <- phrase "get out of my head" now has a double meaning which is prob nullsc's og personality or smth calling for help

the blocker also causes them to have frequent headaches that cannot be identified

on top of the war crimes he is also a cannibal of some sort

when they are extremely stressed they are prone to feeling sick

without the blocker they are much more genuine and less hateful, is overall a "polite" guy, though will still not hesitate to resort to violence on occasions + brutally honest but mostly brutal

still lacks in empathy sometimes, but... even after the removal of the blocker, a core part of its psyche is its obsession with what is fair and what isn't. they think about it way too much and if something remotely "unfair" happens to him he just absolutely loses it

he is also capable of getting all big brain abt psychology stuff (if he himself is calm) he just . does not use it for good sometimes. most of th time actually

very emotionally confused and feels strongly and does not deal with ANYTHING well and first instinct is to run and stuff which isn't. good for relationships!

more lore coming soon if i can think of it

[utilitycaster]

I just want to say, that I agree with almost all of your Critical Role takes and you have 1000% better and more nuanced takes than all of Twitter and I greatly appreciate it! The takes over there regarding Liliana and the gods are just wild and you bring some much needed sanity to the content I see

Thanks! I hope you don't mind because I've been thinking about this re: the Twitter takes but the thing about Twitter and Liliana specifically that I've seen is that there's this really bizarre fetishization of like, the fact that she is a (white) southerner (this also weirdly happened for Birdie though to a much lesser extent, and the person who spearheaded that wasn't even American so I have to assume this is a specific corner of Twitter Culture At Large). And like, here's the thing. It's true that fantasy tends to be very British in its accents, and it's also true that accents in a fantasy world are used to convey the same things we'd assume in our world - RP British for educated, southern American for rural, Cockney for rougher types, etc.

It's also true that laying the exact socioeconomic parallels from our world onto, say, Liliana and Orym (who reads to me as non-regional but I, like Liam, am from the Northeast originally) is a recipe for disaster. Or rather, it's not, but it is going to reaffirm your own biases, some of which are dangerous to reaffirm.

There was a popular post on Tumblr a while back, probably not long after Trump was elected, of someone talking about how they were convincing a relative with the confederate flag towards socialism by appealing to the idea of "isn't in unfair how uneven wealth distribution is and how a small group has so much control" and a number of people were rightfully like "uh, maybe you should focus on the racism" or "hey OP ask your relative who they think that small group in control is because I'm getting a really bad feeling they're going to say it's The Jews." And I feel that a lot of the empathy for Liliana from those spaces feels like that OP. Or in other words: I get that you see your relatives in Liliana. Unfortunately, I cannot help but see me and mine in Orym.

You see someone trapped by circumstance and desperation in a dangerous ideology. I see the fact that I haven't gone to a synagogue in easily 6-7 years without there being a security guard present and usually, the doors locked with someone looking through the window to let you in, and then in the sanctuary there's been an installation so that you can quickly bar all the doors in case an alarm goes off or you hear shots in the lobby.

I think there's a great case for seeing yourself in Imogen, who is in a painful struggle with the fact that her mother does love her very much but is in dangerously deep and has done a number of incredibly terrible and harmful things. That latter point is important, incidentally; I get that cult members sometimes rise through the ranks but all but the leader are being manipulated. But the fact remains that a brainwashed person can still commit atrocities, and in this story, they have, many times over. It's especially true because like...sure, plenty of people are like "I lost my relative to a cult and I just want them back and I couldn't harm them," but also, as we've seen, this cult can and will harm Imogen! Plenty of people are also like "yeah I gotta cut them off, it hurts but unfortunately my horribly bigoted and violent relative, while a victim of brainwashing, is a threat to me too." It's not even the full picture of the Temult side of things, let alone the picture that includes the Vanguard's victims.

I also think the Southern gatekeeping is unhinged because it's like. guys there's QAnon members and other cults across the country; the Confederate flag example above was actually notable in that OP wasn't even Southern so you couldn't even write the flag off as deeply misguided heritage but rather was explicitly being used as a hate symbol. It's awfully presumptive to assume all southerners have the same experience (especially since the Temults are portrayed, physically and in accents, as white southerners, not that the experiences of white southerners aren't also incredibly varied). It's awfully presumptive to assume that people find Liliana threatening because they have no personal experience with people like her; often, it's because they have all too real experience with people like her, and it says something even worse about you if you can say "but you guys, I see me and my family in Liliana" when people are telling you that they see them and their families in Orym. I would not, personally, publicly admit that one's empathy extends to the people who remind you of your family but runs out before it reaches their victims. Nor would I publicly admit that I assume everyone who disagrees with me clearly has never had personal experience with this topic.

I should also note that, as I've noted a number of times before, that these are fictional characters and not real people. Twitter seems to be really fucking bad at grasping that. Like, yes, this is the other thing; I do not think that OP should kill their Confederate flag-toting relative, whereas if Imogen did so to Liliana I'd be like "hell yeah." The former is a real person who I do hope gets deprogrammed, just, you know, maybe adjust those priorities; the latter is a fictional character in a story.

[shantismurf]

Same anon as before. Anon due to security reasons. I know you have to be aware that take is not well liked. It sounds like you're trying to say you support it without being irreparably canceled. A frankly disappointing sentiment. I agree those that those who use it shouldn't be harassed but they also shouldn't be given a voice or a platform which is unfortunately what you offer them. It speaks to a lack of integrity. I have seen evidence in your server very recently that suggests you outwardly support it. If I'm reading that wrong then you have not said anything to convince me to the contrary. In fact I asked the question to begin with to give you the benifit of the doubt. I would rather you come out and say that you support it and face the conciquences then poorly playing both sides.

Thank you for taking the time to answer the question, god speed in your days. Proverbs 11:3 and Luke 12:15

(Conversation continued from https://www.tumblr.com/shantismurf/764912386766503936/)

I am painfully aware of how unpopular my stance on this issue is with a subset of our fandom. Believe me, it would be a lot easier for me to just say exactly what you want to hear and rail all day about the evils of this big bad technology and how anyone who breathes a word that isn't hateful about it is morally defunct. It's actually precisely because I am a person of integrity that I cannot do that. I say what I mean. If you can't read my words without twisting them to your preconceived notions, I cannot help that.

I'm just not capable of boiling an issue as complex as this into simple black and white terms. AI is too broad, and the applications too diverse. I believe my position on this topic is that of an informed and reasonable adult (I am 46) who recognizes that the world is complex and that life is an unending process of trying to make the best choices that you can given the information and energy available to you.

So, what is your ideal outcome in all this? Would you like to see all Al eliminated? Do you expect no one to use it, ever? Who decides what's okay to use and what's not, and what gives them the right to make that determination? Where should the priority of fanfic writers using AI tools sit alongside abortion rights and genocide and, you know what, I don't have the energy for this. I have cancer. And I have four young children. The only reason I am investing my precious personal energy into this issue is because I cannot abide the fact that a certain group of individuals feel it is their right to gatekeep and impose their morality on others, to bully young writers whose first experience in fandom was being singled out when their writing tripped some ai detectors (but not all, because they are useless...and why are people going around policing other people's work like that anyway?)

I just want to read, and maybe sometimes write, stories about a fictional Hobbit and the fictional dwarf he loves. And I want to tell people who share their creations of those characters how amazing they are. And I want to talk about how much I love this fandom with other people who love it too. But you don't think I should have any of that because I won't say that people who use a certain technology in a certain way are immoral and should be shunned. 

You threaten me with being "irreparably canceled" and I personally find that practice completely repugnant. Witch-hunts where people run other's work through faulty ai detectors is what should be canceled. This intolerant culture of unilateral humiliation and scorn for that which does not fully align with one group's personal worldview is what is immoral.

Oh, and regarding the discord conversation you referred to, it occurred between an actor and screenwriter who has been directly impacted by the infringement of Al in the industry, and a fanfic writer who has learning differences, and myself. The person with learning differences expressed how they wept with joy and relief when they saw how an Al tool could correct thousands of errors in their writing in a tiny fraction of the time it would take them to do so manually. It makes writing more accessible for them. The actor expressed frustration and despair over the future of their career and also has shared the ways they use Al tools to support their creativity and their career. I was supportive of both of their experiences and celebrated their bravery in speaking openly when it could leave them vulnerable to harassment. We each talked about our experience with and questions about the technology. It's precisely the kind of dialog that I value; uplifting, non-judgemental, and informative.

These issues are complex. You can't cut it down a line and say yes this and no that. You don't know where other people are coming from or what their reasoning is, and you don't have the right to judge them. You are most welcome to join our community and participate in our discussions in good faith, but if you are only there to lurk and spy and look for dirt on people, you should take a good hard look at your motivations for that behavior.

By the way, I understand why you would make the assumption that I am Christian based on my previous statement about Jesus. I admire the ideals that Jesus represents, but I put no special weight on the words of the Christian Bible over any other historical text. I am choosing to overlook the references you made that seem to imply I am duplicitous and greedy. My formative experience in a non-denominational Christian cult left me with a deep need to reject absolutes, and respect individuality. I am agnostic, which means I don't think it's possible to know what is and is not true, but I am always learning and always seeking that truth. That's actually a good metaphor for this whole situation. I'm agnostic about Al too.

Say it's playing both sides, if you must. This is who I am. I do not pander to anyone. I can't spend any more energy on this. I'm not going to judge or punish people for the software they use, and I'm not going to stand idly by when people around me are hurt by this senseless vitriol. Intolerance and discrimination are never okay.

I believe we've said what needs to be said, but I'm not going to turn off my anonymous asks. If you feel the need to offer a private rebuttal, feel free. I will not respond publicly again. You can dm me here or on discord if you really want to have a sincere conversation. I'm not interested in holding a grudge. I just want you to leave people alone.

Scripture references:

- Proverbs 11:3 NIV - The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.

- Luke 12:15 NIV - Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”

[richierambles]

Cartman's system: headmate list 2.0

Been thinking thoughts idk

This list would be their alters when their body's 15yo (sorry it's long I might make a shorter one later-)

Thanks to @mischieviousmusic and @everythingwasnormalhere for standing my infodumping about this au XD

Littles:

Anne:

6 yo

She/her

Loves playing tea party (main fronter during it)

When it's the other littles playing, she mainly roleplays as the Polly Prissipants doll

Sometimes cofronts when they're at class, but isn't allowed to talk to their classmates

Almost always at cofront when Love's fronting

After they come out, she's closest to Stan and Butters

They're not out to Karen, but Anne's spent time with her too

Whenever she talks to Kenny she asks him how she's doing<3

Ginger in headspace (it felt important to mention this don't ask why)

Finn:

8yo

He/him

Main fronter almost all the time they're playing

Roleplays as most of the other toys when they're playing tea party though

Loves playing cowboys

Frienemies with Artemis, they'll either hate each other or be best friends all the time

After they come out, he's closest to Kenny (but will much rather hang out with his sysmates)

Looks and acts like a Typical White Boy™

Artemis:

5yo

He/they

Introjected from Artemis Clyde Frog (the stuffed animal), but lost almost all his connection to it since the day it died (and exclusively goes by Artemis, hates his other names)

Roleplays himself when playing with the other syskids, never a main fronter while playing

Spent a long while (2-3 years) dormant, only came back after they came out, one day when the system was hanging out with their friends

The gang were all like "wtf who's this idk this alter-" but finally figured it out (mainly Kyle did)

SUPER close to Kyle

Actually whenever Artemis fronts they'll text Kyle first thing no matter what

Also close-ish to Butters

Has dark skin in the innerworld, his iw appearance is human but he always wears a frog hat

Hosts:

Sam:

15yo

he/him

The meaner, stronger Cartman

Is also a protector besides a host

Split from Collins on the Kenny Dies episode

He's the one who used fetuses to built the pizza place because otherwise the guys would've thought he was weak (his thought process is fucking crazy)

One of the few alters who remembers Kenny's deaths

He also knows there's something weird going on in their brain, but has no idea what

Used to cleaning up after everyone else's messes (like acting as if Jenni was Mitch Conners and as if all the Henniffer Lopez thing was just a joke (which backfired so bad...))

After they come out, he hangs out with everyone the same way they always do

Insys, he's trying to get close to 8

^ completely idolatrizes Hitler

Huge on the antisemitism (and general bigotry tbh)

Collins:

14yo

he/him

Split from Sam on the Kenny dies episode

He did want to use the fetuses to save Kenny, and he does consider Kenny his best friend

But he switched out when they got the news Kenny was dead (he was unable to cope with that) and so that's why Sam did what he did

Acts much more like a normal kid than Sam

Actually he's pretty normal for South Park standards

After they come out, he's best friends with Kenny but still friends with the rest of the gang as usual

Not as bad as Sam but definitely not good either

Kyle doesn't hate him as much as he hates Sam (but he'd never say this)

Cartman-sonas (idk how else to call this category):

Irick:

120yo

he/him

Grand Wizard King

Gatekeeper

Fronts mainly while playing SoT (but not every time they do)

Definitely their most responsible alter

^ the others often ask him for advice and stuff

Mildly connected to source

The first time he fronted it was during a SoT game, he found all of it normal (his memories are of the SoT universe) but when they stopped playing he was so weirded out by everything since he's used to a fantasy world

"Cartman stop rping we finished 2 hours ago" "who trapped those guys inside that box 😰" (they were watching TV 💀)

Now (after they came out) they don't play SoT as much, so he only takes full control on special occasions or when Kenny is on a Princess shift (otherkin Kenny 💯)

Only actually close to Kenny because of that, doesn't talk much to anyone else

Grim:

18yo

it/raccoon neos/he

The Coon

Physical protector

Formed because of Cartman's hero persona, but that was long before they started going out as The Coon (they made the first concept for that sona when they were around 4-5yo)

But one day it fronted and decided why not go out fight crime

The others didn't know about this at first

They just knew they had a weird fixation on that "Coon" hero (which, they didn't know where they saw him either but wtv)

But one day Sam decided to go out as Coon (in a rp manner) and found he looked exactly like him

Grim fronted in the middle of it and yk Coon'd for a bit

And Sam did remember that time

So what made more sense is that he'd been The Coon since the beginning

(which wasn't exactly a lie-)

After their syscovery, they assumed Grim formed after they started going out as The Coon

Grim has never confirmed nor denied this

Every single time Kenny's in his Mysterion shift fur gets yeeted to front just so they can argue for a while 💀

Talks to pretty much all the gang but mainly Mysterion'd Kenny

Gets called a furry 24/7 by both his headmates and Kenny (and the rest of the gang sometimes, not as much tho). He fucking hates it.

Adrian:

16yo

he/him

Sexual protector

Metrosexual Cartman

But he's a full-on homosexual

Cartman's metrosexual phase lasted longer than anyone else's because "it's not a phase mom it's who I am 🙄💅"

It was a phase for everyone but Adrian

He's still in that phase

Has hooked up with half the system and even a couple guys out of it

Nothing serious though

Before they came out he respected Cartman's image and didn't flirt with their friends, but after they did there's not a conversation in which he's not telling them the gayest most explicit shit ever

The gang are between confidence boost and absolute utter cringe fucking kill me pls

Theodore:

17yo

he/him

Persecutor (misguided protector) + academic

Formed during Tsst, he's the nice submissive version of Cartman

Would let basically anyone boss him around

Good intentions all the time

Won't do anything bad on purpose

All his submissiveness has gotten them in trouble though

To the point the others try to avoid him fronting as much as they can

He switched in when they were going to kill Liane though, that's good

Goes exclusively by Theodore, some people have tried to call him Theo but he hates that

After they come out, the gang are kinda uncomfortable with him, but Butters warms up to him eventually

(the reason why they're uncomfortable is because Theodore has such a Not Cartman way to act, and also because he's kinda really fucking lame)

(also a bit because Sam has told them all about the times Theodore has messed up)

Sunny/Love

Ageless

love-related neos

Cupid Me

Sexual protector

Hypersexual

When heart's at front, heart'll flirt with Kyle so much it's insane

Is it because fluff's in love with him? Is it because fluff ships kyman? Is it because of a secret third reason? Who knows

Btw everyone else (/sys) was so confused about it at first, like, "...wdym I was acting weird yesterday? I was flirting with you?? And calling you Ky-boo??? Good one dude but quit the bullshit I never did that"

Then when they had the syscovery nobody associated that with some alter doing it

Until a few months after they came out Kyle connected the dots and almost instantly told Sam (who was so pissed off at Sunny 😭)

Love's mostly close to the girls (Nichole, Bebe, even Wendy), but a lot closer to Collins and Anne

Also 💘's never stopped flirting with Kyle, and will never stop (slay)

Introjects:

Eight/8/H:

56yo

he/him

Hitler factive, really connected to source

Protector + Prosecutor

Formed soon after they learnt about Hitler's existence

Fronts at times in which they have to act commanding, such as The Passion Of The Jew or Ginger Kids

Also fronted during some of Tsst, and was who planned (and tried) to kill Liane

After they came out, he didn't front much in front of their friends (he found them lame)

But one day something Bad happened when they woke up and he got triggered to front, so he had to go to school

When the gang noticed he was acting different, they asked who he was

Well, Kyle did, but Eight refused to answer

Stan asked again and H told them his name was Adolf Hitler

Kyle refused to even look at him the rest of that day (and rightfully so)

When someone else switched in, Kyle told them that if 8 didn't at least change his name he'd never talk to any of them ever again, so that's why he goes by Eight/8/H (that was the most he'd accept to change it)

When he's at front (not often) Kyle has to resist the urge to beat him up (he doesn't wanna hurt some of the others), but to find them both in the same room is practically imposible

Jenni:

25yo

she/her

Jenniffer Lopez factive

Talks in spanish sometimes, it's horribly incorrect but she doesn't care

She's the one who does most of the drag

Also the other one (besides Adrian) who hooks up with random guys

She's mostly at cofront rather than full front (talking with the hand because it "looks less weird"), but she's been at full front sometimes too :3

Fucking hates Mitch

After they come out, she hangs out with Bebe sometimes (but not really too often, she'll much rather go with celebrities)

Mitch Conner:

31yo

they/he

Sam first made him up so he could "get rid of" Jenni without looking too insane

But then they actually split

Jenni and Mitch fucking hate each other, Jenni because he steals her identity and Mitch because he thinks she's annoying

Whenever they front they'll find out everything they can about the other alters (and everyone in general) just so they can get stuff from them later

Kyle is so annoyed by his existence for some reason

Other (idk where else to put her soo):

Mae:

21yo

she/her

Persecutor

Originally split when they were a little kid (3-5), to take care of them when Liane didn't (she was kinda neglectful back then)

Also to have them grow up in a hopefully healthier environment

But she started obsessing over growing up and maturing to the point she actually made them unsafe

Such as in 1%, when she mutilated their stuffed animals and almost killed them (by burning down their house) in the process

Now she almost never fronts, and only Irick knows where she is and is allowed to talk to her

[syscultureis]

I'm a 15 year old and I've done some heavy research on osdd1a and I have almost all of the symptoms. I know if I tell my parents, they will probably get mad at me. And, I've had alot of traumatic things happen to me but I don't think any of them is bad "enough" to make me a system, what should I do?

I am absolutely not qualified to tell you if you are or aren't a system, but I can tell you that if you don't think it's safe to tell your parents do not tell them

Ik it sucks, we were aware of our system at 15 too, but when we were that age our safest option was to just focus on day to day and not worrying too much about the system

Sometimes all you can do is wait until your in a safer environment before you start doing more than just being mildly aware of what's going on in your head

And chances are if you aren't in a safe environment, trying to discover more about your system isn't going to actually work all that well

Most of what we've learned about our system only actually happened once we moved out. Before then we had a gatekeeper who was actively confusing us and lying to us just because he thought it would keep us safer in the environment we were in

Look into coping mechanisms, try to set yourself up a group of friends you trust that can help you heal

For now it's likely your best option is just going to end up being a kind of "wait until you can talk to a professional"

Especially because there's a possibility you have traumas you might not remember, and trying to remember those with out professional help can cause serious harm

Just try to give yourself breathing room, figure out what helps you best

And again, we aren't professionals, take everything we say with several grains of salt

[not-goldy]

Thank you for your answer, I get it on some level. I’ve listened to their music for a while now but am new to this whole shipping thing, and it’s a wild ride for sure. Out of interest, which songs do people think are about JM? Apart from their actual song Friends? Why does part of me think that if this is the case maybe Tae needs new inspiration for his work or something. Someone of his own to love. He didn’t write he album though did he? It’s a crazy world out there I guess I didn’t release that a member would fuel the shipping wars, so wow if he does that.

It depends on how delusional one is. Could be a few or all of them if you're deranged 🤷🏾

I like to think of myself as moderately delusional so I stick to the basics.

You can check out his song about writing a letter to the moon which was inspired by a time he was alone in the park with Jimin late into the night

From 4'Oclock.

Other than the setting and moon references, he actually ever did write a letter to Jimin which he cried while reading it to him. He poured out his heart in that letter. Here, read it and cry

And theres one song he complained he wrote with the intention of singing it withJimin but a producer thought putting Jimin on it would be gay due to the lyrics.

Don't want to talk about the others cos it may sound controversial but do have a listen for yourself. And be mindful of the Jimin "symbolisms" or at least I like to call them that.

Whenever he talks about the moon in his songs we make the connection to Jimin- its obvious now due to JMs moon tattoos but there was a time people thought that was reaching.

The moonchild is Jimin. And it's not far fetched cos V is the same person who shared fan art of Jimin with the moon tats that he's currently spotting and all. Meaning he understands the connection between JM and the moon.

This has nothing to do with his songs but he used to complain a lot about a certain member gatekeeping Jimin to himself and not allowing him and Jimin to hang out. So for me when this theme recurrs in his music I feel he's alluding to Jimin cos why not dudes a menace🤣

Let's give Tae some credit. Don't blindly buy into the hateful rhetorics people spew about him.

He exposed the company for dragging their feet before allowing JM to debut. Exposed them for their homophobia towards Jimin. If anyone moves funny with Jimin trust him to expose them one way or the other. I'll actually bet my life on this.

Perhaps you should look into their friendship. V can be chaotic but he's loved Jimin so hard too and when he says he loves Jimin the most I don't think he's lying .

Jimin has a special place in his heart. Perhaps because he says Jimin was the one who showed up and out for him when his granny passed. I think he's going to be eternally grateful to JM for that.

Don't hate on Tae or Judge him based on his quirks. He's not one to fake his feelings so sometimes when he's annoyed with Jimin you can pick up on that energy. It doesn't mean he's evil. He just have bad days too.

Unfortunately the Fandom isn't as forgiving and would tear him apart for the least funny feelings towards Jimin.

They are friends.they are allowed to fight and make up. We shouldn't hold that over their heads when they "fight" argue or have a misunderstanding. Leave them room and space within their friendship to be ghetto with eachother. What matters is the bond they share the growth they experience as friends and how pure they try to be with eachother.

They are a work in progress

[your-average-teenage-mess]

Okay but like. I see so many people complaining about people trying to ship aro/ace characters, claiming that "oh you wouldn't ship a gay character with someone of the opposite gender, right?" And, like... Yeah, there's definitely a double standard here, but... I mean, as someone who is on the aro spectrum, the argument that shipping is not done as an act of appreciation to the canon characters and their arcs, but just to scratch the itches in your brain, really isn't wrong. So, em...

Can we stop gatekeeping monosexual gay characters?

Like, people look at me weird wherever I say that Angel Dust and Cherri Bomb have trauma-bonded-lovers energy. I had people calling me a lesbophobic bigot (yes these were the words used) for saying I wish Willow Rosenberg had stayed with Oz. None of it is about interpreting canon in one of the ways the authors allowed, it's about imagining the story I wish I got to hear. Like, if you really think the reason fanfiction exists is to honor the story that the canon work was trying to tell, I'm sorry but it just doesn't look like you understand fanfiction. And no, it's not disrespectful to wish you got to see an allo character's story instead of the story of this aro/ace character. Sometimes, a given story would be served better by being about an experience which you as an individual can never have. Like, I'm someone who never really believed in trusting ultimate authority, or in fighting with all your might for justice, these are not necessarily things I think are BAD to believe in, I'd actually probably be happier if I was able to believe in certain versions of those ideas, but I just can't bring myself to. However, I wouldn't be upset if I saw someone, for example, writing a fic about Sherlock from BBC Sherlock, which canonically basically shares that lack of belief with me, learning and internalizing the fact that humanity is actually worth believing in. Like, is there a scenario that aligns with his canonical characterization in which he'd be able to do that? No, probably not. But do I think there could be a story about that that's worth telling? Absolutely. So yeah, on the same dime, I think if you find a hypothetical, non-canonical story about a character who is canonically aro/ace in which that character experiences romantic/sexual attraction to be a valuable story for you, I don't believe anyone should judge you for writing or enjoying that hypothetical story. So, em, yeah.

[saintsenara]

there is so much new stuff on your blog that i need to catch up with omg and i swear i will get to it BUT. BUT FIRST. i have a question (which, funnily, is really relevant to my actual offline life rn): if tom riddle was a doctor, what specialty would he practice? [he gives me major neurosurgery vibes] and, more laterally, what do you think makes a good surgeon? as in, what kind of personality types fare the best in a surgical program?

now this is the sort of content i like to see!

while i can certainly see good old dr riddle [bmbch oxon] very much enjoying having a rummage around in a patient's cranium, he strikes me as someone who would prefer specialties on the medical, rather than surgical, spectrum - and, especially, would like specialties which require a lot of sifting through evidence and solving mysteries. he's clearly a puzzle girly [why else would he spend his teenage years coming up with anagrams of his own name?] and so i think he'd very much like the parts of his job which allowed him to spend half his time running a lot of invasive tests on people and the other half skulking in a lab getting an enormous amount of money to run research projects...

so he's applying for:

haematology

aka: staring at blood - which is right up his alley. his particular interest is coagulation disorders in pregnant women - and their contribution to these women dying in childbirth.

histopathology

aka: staring at slices of tissue. he's determined to find out whether or not the soul resides in the liver.

neuropathology

i think we can all picture him presiding over a collection of brains preserved in formalin. one of them is dumbledore's.

forensic pathology

cutting up corpses by order of the state? he's in! his team of graduate students have conned several million out of the wellcome trust and are spending it trying to reanimate their specimens.

forensic psychiatry

because while if you want to be a good psychiatrist you need an iron will and well-developed sense of empathy, if you want to be a bad one you need to be able to gaslight, gatekeep, and girlboss. and our tom's got that nailed...

now.

the above flippancy is about to make me look quite bad, because i am also a puzzle girly, and i like medicine precisely for the sort of mystery solving and research paper publishing it enables. but i'm not a mass-murderer, which i feel it's important to clarify...

i'm not a surgeon either - i didn't struggle with the gory bits of the work, i just didn't find any of the surgical specialties i shadowed during my training particularly compelling in re: that element of mystery.

while the reputation they sometimes have - especially on tv - for being scalpel-wielding jocks isn't accurate, it's certainly true that the defining trait you need as a surgeon is total, unshakeable conviction. in all medical specialities outside of emergency medicine you have the option to adopt a wait-and-see approach a lot of the time - but you do not have this option if you've got someone open on the table in front of you. you need to be enormously decisive, capable of tunnel-vision, incredibly good under pressure, and also a little bit arrogant - the only way you can get through the terror of knowing that you're responsible for slicing and dicing someone [particularly in specialties like neonatal surgery or neurosurgery] is to believe unquestioningly that you're going to smash it.

these are probably all traits you already possess - they're certainly something it benefits all doctors to have, in moderation - and they can also be learned and honed through practise, but they're going to be most crucial in surgery because - the vast majority of the time - your issue won't be working out what's wrong with a patient, it'll be pulling off the operation without a hitch.

surgeons still get to do academic work, clinical research and so on, but if you think you want to be a surgeon, you really have to like that slicing and dicing, in-and-out aspect of the work. if you can't see yourself performing thousands upon thousands of the same operation, it's not for you.

[goodluckclove]

Is there someone willing to explain what Therapy Speak is? And maybe tell me if the people who talk about how unrealistic and impossible and stupid and manipulative it is has ever been to therapy?

This got long. I am genuinely upset over this so pardon my intensity and here's a read more. It does not feel good to have the first thing you see online be calling the way I communicate in the world as a human being "unrealistic, stupid, and poor writing". So just humor me.

Like this sounds gatekeeping. And in a way it is. I know therapy is a privilege and good therapy a luxury. As I type this I realize some people dissing Therapy Speak might actually be people who either had a bad experience with a therapist, or just don't have the resources to form a relationship with one at all. And if your way to cope with that is saying it actually would suck to have one - I kind of get that. I'm still going to share my perspective though.

So therapy, like literally everything else in the world, is a spectrum with tons of nuance. One therapist might hand out worksheets or practice CBT or DBT or EMDR or have an endless list of specialities. One therapist might encourage "I feel" statements, but that's a structure that's smart to help you develop a new skill in your own personal style. Much like how no one expects every writer to create only using prompts forever, they're not telling you to rely solely on the "when you X, I feel X" Mad Lib from now on.

When you first start actually using "I feel" statements, it might look like "When you blow me off for plans, I feel upset". It's vulnerable, but it's actually an effective thing to say in conversation.

Flash forward a while later, and you start saying things like "when I make plans with a friend I really put a lot of faith in that structure, and when it's taken away - even for a good reason - it sort of makes me feel anxious and unregulated. It takes me a while to get back on track."

If you have relationships that are platonic, romantic, sexual, familial - I promise you that is important information. You tell someone that and they might be able to recontextualize behavior from you that they perceived as an attack. Virtually every relationship can benefit from knowing the reason why people do things. Miscommunications are inevitable but often easily solved if you're willing to slow down and be vulnerable.

It is not trauma dumping if you do it without relishing in the trauma and throwing the responsibility on the other person. Saying "I get anxious at social events because I'm used to being outcast and sometimes I just assume that'll happen" is not trauma dumping. If anyone in my life said something like that to me I would be so glad to have that information. That's a way to progress in a dozen different ways.

I get there are bad therapists. There are also bad doctors, dentists, and people who work at your local deli. I had a mean barista at a coffee shop I went to. So now I go to a different coffee shop with different baristas.

But like holy shit, if you think it's not worth anyone crafting characters that actually know how to express and explore their emotions in a human way that matches their personality? If you don't think a book can have that and still be interesting? For anyone????

Skill issue. Flat out. And while there is really nothing that would make me believe someone is a bad writer - I do think an inability to explore something this basic and insist no one else explore it either is terrible work ethic.

Also like my therapist saved my fucking life. I've been in therapy for almost ten years, and if I wasn't my life would be drastically worse. I would probably still be in California, a victim of Munchausen By Proxy for the rest of my life.

So yeah, expositional dialogue is bad when handled badly. People who use therapy language as an excuse to manipulate are trash. Sometimes assholes go to therapy and the therapist sees immediately that there really isn't anything they're capable of doing to help them because they just want to be justified for their current mindset. Thats what my mom did.

But like people communicate their emotions. Everyone should be able to learn how to communicate their emotions with at least one relationship in their life. I would really love it if people stopped perpetuating the belief that that is not something that ever actually happens in life. I want to feel sympathy because I'm sure there's a reason why someone would think that, but frankly that was an existentially horrifying thing to read first thing after waking up.

Anyway if anyone has an alternate perspective I'm happy to hear it. I'm going to eat some guac and try to calm down.

[elminx]

Elminx considers: Graveyard etiquette as a witch or other magical practitioner

Note: I am going to use the term graveyard here to refer to all types of burial places. Yes, there are differences. For this purpose - they don't matter. Note: I am going to try to make this an ongoing series about graveyard etiquette and dealings with the dead in general. If I have done so, I may have made a masterpost which I will try to remember to link, here. If you think that this should be on a masterpost, message me.

It can be a hard thing to wrap your mind around (and I am sure that you are trying to do the Right Thing) but your Graveyard Etiquette isn't worth shit if the spirits of the graveyard don't follow the same etiquette.

That means that it is not one size fits all. Go figure.

A Catholic graveyard will demand different etiquette than a Baptist graveyard that will have different etiquette from a non-denominational graveyard from the 1700s. Fuck it, a French Catholic graveyard will have different etiquette from an Irish Catholic graveyard.

I see a lot of posts floating around with things like: always carry iron, always bring a gift, always wear protection, always cover your head, always pay the gatekeeper with coins, etc.

These are all culturally specific superstitions (nothing wrong with that) but taken out of context they mean absolutely nothing.

The big thing that those of us from Western cultures need to get over is the idea that things are universal. They just aren't. The dead are just people who lived within a certain culture. That culture and their own lives determine what they will view as rude or polite. We actually get no say in the matter.*

They are just people. Dead people. Some were lovely old grandmothers who will dote on every living child they encounter. Some were angry teenagers who died too young. Some were infants who don't really know what it is to live or to die. Each individual in a graveyard has their own story and each graveyard has its own story.

Those are the things that you need to take into consideration when approaching a graveyard.

Spirits should be treated in the same way that you would a loved one. We all know Uncle Jake can't drink so we don't drink around him. Grammy doesn't like apple pie so we make cherry instead. Cousin June can't eat the gluten so we make it a gluten-free pie instead. Spirits are the same way - they have the same likes and dislikes they had in life (for the most part? my dead family does at least).

This is why a random food offering, while well intended, might not work out so well for you. (I don't mean getting haunted not well, it just might just go over like a lead zeppelin, ya know?)

So here I am telling you that nothing is right?

More truthfully what I am trying to confer here is that nothing is AUTOMATICALLY right and that if you want to work with and get to know a graveyard, you need to fucking ask. Just like you would with any other spirit or human being. Something like "Hi, <name on grave>, I would really like to bring you something to eat. Do you like blueberry pie? My grandma just made some." or "Hi, <name on the grave>, I would like to give you some whiskey. Do you like this type of whiskey?"

Sometimes, nothing will happen. You can take that as an assent. It could mean that the spirit of that grave is no longer present in this world, or it could mean that they aren't paying attention to you, or that they just don't care. But if you get a bad feeling or something bad happens immediately afterward, skip it. Sometimes you'll get a good feeling too - that's an obvious yes.

If you are more comfortable as a spirit worker, you can ask the spirit what it would like you to bring it. Please remember to be careful with boundaries and not promise anything because spirits - very occasionally - ask you for some pretty weird stuff. Then, listen. Wait. Be patient. You might smell fresh doughnuts as you are leaving, or have a sudden craving for rose tea. Over the next few days, look for synchronicities that could be the spirit answering you. If you are new to this, divination can be a great tool to help you understand what is and is not spirit communication. I would point out here that there is an inner knowingness that happens for a lot of people during spirit communication - you smell church incense and instinctively know that the spirit misses the smell of frankincense and myrrh, for example.

If there is something that you feel that you need to do before you enter a graveyard - by all means, do it. Magic that is meant for you will resonate WITH you - if you feel the need to cover your head, cover your head. But be wary of doing it because some rando (even big-name Tumblr-wise people because they are still randos, just randos with a following) told you that you "had to".

There is no absolute or right answer. There's only the right answer for you and that graveyard. And that's something that you have to figure out for yourself.

*We get no say in the matter about what a spirit finds to be rude or polite. We obvs get boundaries about what we think is rude and polite, and those are equally important.