#Something’s up with my physical health (again ) but I don’t think it’s anything too serious ! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mbti-notes · 4 months

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Anon wrote: Hi mbti-notes, I am a INFJ in their late twenties. My purpose for this inquiry is to better understand, on a mbti-function level, why I am feeling emotionally overwhelmed and burnt out.

For additional context: I am currently in a graduate program that I detest—to the point where I’ve had to keep myself from crying at my desk in public. Usually, when I’m dealing with something arduous I can engage in some sort of Ni-led vision of what I want in the future to encourage myself to keep going. But lately I’ve just been so tired of trying to ‘inspire’ myself to keep moving.

On top of this, I feel like I can’t express my disdain for my work life to friends because they either work in the same field (and they enjoy it) or they are going through other issues of their own. In general, I find that people are (reasonably) concerned with their own sources of stress, and I don’t want to bother them about it again unless its serious.

Additionally, I have found it hard to meaningfully engage with such people about their own life. Instead of being attentive and curious about others’ lives, I now feel like I’m always thinking of my own problems. Is this because I am over-exerting myself (Fe) and not reflecting enough (Ni)? If it is a lack of Ni, then why do I feel so tired of trying to work with Ni (please see ’inspiring myself’ sentence earlier in my post)? Thank you so much for reading and considering my long entry—I really appreciate it.

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There are several factors that can contribute to burnout, so the solution will depend on which factors are most influential in your case. You'll have to reflect on it yourself and tailor the right solution. Possible factors include:

1) You are in poor physical health. Your body can only operate at peak efficiency if you eat well, sleep well, get enough exercise, and moderate stress. If you lack energy due to poor physical health, then you need to develop better physical habits.

2) You are expending more energy than you are generating. Ns often need to be reminded that physical and mental energy are finite resources. There is a limit to how much your mind and body can do every day. Everyone needs rest, relaxation, and recuperation time. This is especially the case for introverts. If your workload is too heavy, find a way to reduce it and/or schedule better. Proper work-life balance is necessary for making sure that you take enough time for yourself to recharge.

3) You are taking on too much. Are your work roles and responsibilities clearly articulated? Are you taking on tasks that don't belong to you or should be done by someone else? It's not uncommon for Js to be controlling and Ns to fear missing out, which means they end up doing more work than they should. If this is the case, you need to learn to manage your workload better by prioritizing, deferring, or delegating tasks more appropriately.

4) You are in a disadvantaged position and don't experience all the advantages of your peers. This can happen for a variety of reasons. For example, you might be experiencing overt or covert exclusion because of being a minority and not fitting in (due to class, race, gender, etc). Another example is that you have lower professional status than others, which you might be able to change through hard work and getting promoted to a higher position. Another example is that you haven't done enough to build professional relationships and aren't reaping those social rewards.

5) Your workplace is toxic. A workplace is experienced as unhealthy when you have unsupportive authority figures to contend with, overly competitive or undermining peers to watch out for, and/or unfair practices that don't reward people based on merit. When the social environment is toxic, you can try to improve the situation, or you can leave if you don't have the power to change anything. When leaving is not an option, try to limit engagement and increase positive engagement elsewhere in your life. The more time you spend in a toxic social environment, the more energy it will drain from you until you have no motivation at all.

6) You lack a healthy support system. You seem to downplay or ignore your own needs, which is a common INFJ issue. Yes, you should be professional when dealing with peers/colleagues in a workplace, so it's understandable that you don't want to be constantly discussing your personal issues with them. However, this raises the important question of why you don't have family or friends outside of school/work to lean on and get support from. It sounds like you're not doing enough to build a community for yourself, which leads to isolation and alienation, and eventually, depression that saps away your energy. Neglecting emotional and social needs means you're not taking care of your mental health and well-being. When you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to attend to others.

7) You lack control and/or confidence. When people don't feel in control or don't feel confident enough to tackle their challenges, they're more likely to waste energy in feeling anxious, preoccupied, distracted, fixated on trivial matters, etc. If this is the case, you may need to be more assertive in: expressing your needs/wants and fulfilling them; organizing your environment to better suit you; clarifying your goals/aspirations; seeking help for improving knowledge and skills that would help you feel more self-confident.

8) You focus too much on the negative and discount the positives. Why is it that two people can work in the same environment but experience it completely differently? Part of it is due to perception. You don't like the work you're doing, so you are full of negative feelings and emotions that then cast everything in a negative light. If this is the case, you need to make more of an effort to recover the positive aspects of the situation. Looking on the bright side involves seeking out and realizing positive possibilities/potential, which should be easy enough with healthy Ni. Positives exist in the present, and you can create them in the decisions you make today. If you're always waiting for happiness to appear in a distant future, chances are, it's not real.

9) Your work doesn't seem to matter or get rewarded. Does this career align with your identity and values? It's hard to feel motivated when you don't believe in your work or others don't recognize your work. Does your work matter? Are there ways your work matters that you're not seeing and appreciating? If others aren't appreciating your work, have you done enough to show it off and keep people informed of your activities?

10) You are on the wrong life path. If you truly believe your work doesn't matter or isn't the right fit for you, why are you still doing it? Why aren't you listening to your own heart? This would constitute going against Ni, which is self-sabotaging. It sounds like you're using Ni-Ti to rationalize. Lying to yourself is only going to make you more and more miserable every time reality slaps you and debunks the lie. While it's true that it's not always easy to change paths, is it really harder than staying on the wrong path forever? I'm not telling you what to do but simply raising the possibility that you haven't done a proper reckoning of the path you've chosen and compared it objectively to the alternative paths that might be better suited to you. Remember that it's not foolish to make a mistake because mistakes are necessary for learning and growth. What's foolish is to deny a mistake and keep suffering from it for the rest of your life.

#infj #burnout #emotional intelligence #career #ask

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bunnysnuff · 20 hours

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Poly!Nick & Charlie with a Clingy!Partner Headcannon.

Pairing: Charlie Spring x reader x Nick Nelson.

Tw- none! I don’t a gender neutral reader (but it is m!reader), cringey use of nicknames, Poly relationships, use of Y/N because I got carried away and was too lazy to type ‘you’.

Request.

Poly! Nick and Charlie with Clingy Y/N Headcanons:

Constant Cuddles: you’re always seeking physical affection, and Nick and Charlie are more than happy to provide. Whether it’s snuggling up on the couch or holding hands while walking through the park, youre always attached to one or both of them.

Charlie: He’s more reserved but absolutely adores how clingy you are. It helps ground him, and it’s a nice reminder that you is there when he’s feeling anxious. He might blush at public displays of affection but never pulls away.

Nick: He’s a total softie, and he loves it when Y/N throws themselves into his arms. He’ll often tease them playfully, calling them “my little koala,” because Y/N clings to him so often.

Group Hugs: Nick and Charlie are used to Y/N initiating group hugs at random times. Whether it’s after a stressful day or just a moment of happiness, Y/N will wrap their arms around both Nick and Charlie, pulling them into the most comforting sandwich of affection.

If Nick and Charlie are cuddling, Y/N will immediately join, squishing themselves between them or lying across their laps.

Texts and Check-Ins: Y/N sends constant cute texts to both Nick and Charlie throughout the day, just to let them know they’re thinking about them.

Nick responds with heart emojis and always sends something sweet back.

Charlie will sometimes get flustered but replies with something heartfelt, even if he’s shy about it.

Protective and Reassuring: While Y/N can be clingy, they sometimes worry they’re being too much, but Nick and Charlie are quick to reassure them.

Nick is always verbally comforting, telling Y/N how much he loves how affectionate they are.

Charlie reassures them with quiet, gentle touches and soft kisses, showing them without words that they’re never a burden.

Jealousy, but in a Cute Way: Y/N gets a little jealous when Nick and Charlie are spending time together without them, but it’s never serious. They’ll just pout a little until they’re pulled into whatever Nick and Charlie are doing, reminding them that they’re equally loved.

Nick and Charlie think it’s adorable when Y/N gets pouty and will make extra efforts to shower them with affection afterward, ensuring Y/N never feels left out.

Nick Being the Middle Ground: Nick is often the one who helps balance things out when Y/N’s clinginess is a bit overwhelming for Charlie, especially if Charlie is having a bad mental health day.

Nick will pull Y/N into a bear hug while also holding Charlie’s hand, making sure everyone feels connected and comforted in their own way.

Late-Night Talks: Y/N loves to keep Nick and Charlie awake at night with deep conversations, pulling them into pillow forts or nestling between them in bed. Nick is usually up for it, happily talking about anything and everything, while Charlie listens quietly, chiming in when he feels like it.

Cute Nicknames: Y/N comes up with the cutest (and cheesiest) pet names for Nick and Charlie.

For Nick: "Nicky Bear" or "Pooh bear.”

For Charlie: "Char" or "pickle.”

Nick will grin every time Y/N uses them, and Charlie will blush but secretly love it.

Always Holding Hands: Y/N has a habit of holding both Nick’s and Charlie’s hands whenever they’re walking anywhere, even if it’s just a short trip to the store. They love being physically connected at all times.

Sometimes Nick or Charlie will tease Y/N by letting go just to see their reaction, but they always grab Y/N’s hand again, laughing at how cute Y/N is when they scramble to reconnect.

Helping with Anxiety: Y/N’s clinginess helps both Nick and Charlie when they’re feeling anxious.

For Nick, Y/N’s constant presence helps him stay grounded, especially when he’s feeling unsure or insecure.

For Charlie, Y/N is a calming influence, their affection reminding him that he’s loved no matter what.

Nick and Charlie absolutely adore how affectionate and clingy Y/N is, seeing it as a beautiful way that Y/N shows their love for them both. The trio is a perfect balance, with each person bringing something unique and cherished to the relationship.

#heartstopper imagines #heartstopper x reader #heartstopper season 2 #nick nelson #nick nelson x m!reader x charlie spring.#charlie spring x m!reader #charlie spring imagines #charlie spring x reader #nick nelson x m!reader #nick nelson imagines #nick Nelson x reader #bunnysnuff writes✨

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eego0 · 1 year

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You know I love hearing your opinions on MCD stuff.

Thoughts on Shad?

Correlations between Shad/Irene and their relationship vs Aphmau/Aaron?

Opinions on Shad and his relationship with his daughter Alina?

Conflicts in Aaron over his past family (Lily and Jacob, I believe?) and his relationship with Aphmau?

This one is for a potential future fic, depending on the opinions of the rest of aphblr on my most recent poll: If Aaron ever asked Aphmau to marry him in MCD, would the stone in the ring be red or light lavender?

Sorry to ambush you with all these questions, but I couldn't help it. Take whatever time you need to answer <3

1. FUckkkkk Shad is SUCH a good character. Like he’s THE embodiment of a villain. Hero gone bad. And as much as I hate how he used Aaron’s body not only for a physical form but for his voice to manipulate Aphmau, it was brilliant and it added to how fucked he is. He’s like a top 5 favorite Aphmau character for me.

2. The characters having these powerful past lives and becoming powerful reincarnations is interesting in of itself, but even more interesting when you see how similar they act and their similar storylines. (How much do we want to bet that Irene also woke up in the middle of nowhere and suddenly had a conscious? Or would that be pushing the bounds of this time loop too far.). Irene makes a playful atmosphere when battling with Shad. Aphmau and Aaron’s relationship is serious to the naked eye but has an underlying playfulness, if that makes sense. Irene and Aphmau are both nonchalant, playful, extroverted, but most importantly, willing to help anyone who needs it even at the expense of their own mental and physical health. With Shad and Aaron, they both face a situation that leaves them scarred, distrusting, and angry. They solve everything by making others feel similar hurt, or as Aaron says, he solved everything with his sword. The difference is that Aaron found someone to make him a gentle and full being again, but Shad stayed consumed by his rage and continued to hurt others. Aaron changed, Shad got worse.

3. I honestly don’t know. Everyone seems to believe that Shad had a deep love for his daughter, showing when Irene turned her into a relic, but not only do we not really know anything about WHY she was turned into a relic, I just can’t place my finger on why Shad seemed so upset. “That’s his daughter too!” Is the argument but in mcd, Shad only focused on Alina being the keeper of his relic. He actually dehumanized her so much that he called her “my relic”. The only times he called her Alina was when he was attempting to manipulate Aphmau into telling him when Alina was. Maybe he could understand that Alina meant something to Aphmau in a way that didn’t connect to her holding a relic, but I don’t really think he cared about her in any other way. This is a controversial topic in the Aphmau community tho and I haven’t watched in awhile so feel free to educate me if you know more

4. There doesn’t seem to be much conflict about Aaron’s past family besides confronting his grief and allowing himself to love again. I would say that maybe Aphmau felt like she was competing against Lily for Aaron’s love but Aphmau was more mature than that. Aaron loved Aphmau separately from his late wife. Aaron loved Lilith separately from Jacob, so any conflict was likely internal.

5. OKAY. THIS QUESTION. I LOVE POTENTIAL FANFIC QUESTIONS BECAUSE IT GIVES ME INSPIRATION OF MY OWN <333 So personally I think he’d give Aphmau a light lavender ring. He knows she’d love the color and she’d love to wear it. I was originally going to say red so that she could always have a reminder of him with her but theres nothing more telling of the love someone has for their partner than picking a special accessory out in their favorite color. BONUS PIECE THO, a garnet ring to say “Lilith Garnet brought us together in a way no other situation or person could’ve”

TYSM FOR ALL OF THE QUESTIONS MWAH MWAH MWAH! I HOPE MY ANSWERS WERE HELPFUL! I’D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE SAME QUESTIONS AS WELL!

#minecraft diaries #aphmau #mcd aphmau #mcd #aphblr #aphmau mcd #mcd aaron #mystreet #aarmau

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jlarchives · 1 year

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OCEANS AND ENGINES

a #JENLISA one-shot AU.

[Disclaimer: everything in here is purely FICTION and DOES NOT reflect the artists themselves. Enjoy!]

—

LISA’s POV

It’s our last concert day here in Jakarta. Weather in here is so hot I think I could fry an egg on the floor. No kidding. But I would be lying if I say the girl I’m looking at right now isn’t as hot. Heck, she’s the hottest.

The second I heard the sound of my scooter’s bell, that’s when I snapped back to reality.

Jen is happily riding my airwheel luggage while I’m sitting on a chair holding my ice cold sparkling water and I have Alice beside me, as always.

“Ah! Let’s run away!” she exclaimed.

I was staring at her with a huge smile plastered on my face when she turned her head and gave me this look that I somehow can’t decipher.

“What?” I asked. Confused about what she’s trying to tell me, I asked again. “What is it?”

She then drove the scooter in reverse. Still wearing the huge smile on my face, I waited for her to stop right in front of me.

“It’s yours.” Ahh. She thinks I would mind if she steals my airwheel. Is she being serious right now? I would give anything for her.

Anything..

For her happiness.

“It doesn’t matter.” I said. Well, it really doesn’t. What’s mine is hers. We basically shared the same wardrobe. Duh.

Shared. Past tense.

“Really?” she asked in a baby tone. I nodded in response to assure her that it’s fine. Such an adorable little bear.

I was taken aback when I saw her lockscreen. It was his picture with kuma.

“You’re very generous, aren’t you?” she said, while looking at her phone. She must’ve received a text or something. I have no idea. But the way she smiled after reading that message feels kinda bittersweet. It stings that I’m not the reason why she’s smiling that way but I’m genuinely happy for her. I really am.

“Byeeee!!” she yelled as she took my scooter away in full speed that I didn’t even have the chance to answer her.

“You’re very generous, aren’t you?” her voice echoed in my brain like a beautiful melody.

“Maybe you’re right. I am generous. I’d give up everything I have just to make you happy. Even if it means giving you up too. And I will do it over and over again if I have to.”

—

“Something beautiful died too soon.”

—

We were never gonna last anyway. I knew it the moment we first started going out. Being in a conservative country and the whole world’s eyes pinned to us, it’s a tough battle. But that said, there’s never a day that I didn’t love you or think about you. Even now that you’re not mine anymore.

Nobody knew what we had. Or maybe they did, I don’t know. Is it that obvious?

—

But I'm letting go

I'm givin' up the ghost

But don't get me wrong

I'll always love you, that's why

I wrote you this very last song

I guess this is where we say goodbye

I know I'll be alright

Someday I'll be fine

But just not tonight.

—

“You okay?” Alice asked when she saw me with my head down.

“I mean.. I have to be. Right?” i replied with a wistful smile. “Just kidding, I’m fine, Unnie. See??” I did some jumping jacks to prove my point. “Go do your thing. I’ll come out in a bit.”

“You got this, Lis. I’ll be heading out to the barricades now, alright? Call me when you need me. Have a great show. Fighting!” Alice must’ve thought I was talking about my physical health.

“Yes Unnie. Fighting!” I cheered and waved her goodbye.

“You got this, Lili.” I told myself and stood up.

—

We have 3 more minutes before the show starts so I ran as fast as I could to get to the backstage. Thank God I made it on time. Aha!

“Hey, you alright? and why did you run? It’s so dark in here you could’ve tripped.” Jen asked, rolling her eyes. Annoyance is very evident on her face. Oh crap, I’m so doomed. For the most part, Jen can be the cutest little kitten but when she’s mad, she’s a mad MAD lion. It’s scary.

As she wipes my sweat from sprinting, our eyes met and for a second, my whole world stopped.

“There. Now you’re ready.”

“Oh thanks, Je.. Unnie.”

“You know you can still call me Jen, right?”

“I know but..”

“But what?”

“It’s different now.”

“Yo yo yo! Let’s go!” Jisoo exclaimed as she steps on the lift. Rosie followed her.

To my surprise, Jen suddenly held my hand. “We’re good, right?” she asked, almost whispering. I can see her holding back her tears.

“Hey. Ofcourse we are. We talked about this.” I held her hand tighter.

“I’m sorry, Lili.” her voice cracked. “I’m so—”

I didn’t let her finish her sentence and immediately hugged her with my arms around her neck and my hands caressing her back. It was instinct, I guess. And hers wrapped around my waist.

This is home.

I am now facing Jisoo and Rosie who were shocked by my sudden action for a brief moment but gave me smiles and looked at each other. Ohh. They know for sure.

“Don’t say that. You didn’t do anything wrong.” I broke our hug and cupped her mandu cheeks. “Promise me one thing, alright?” She nodded. “Never blame yourself. And be happy. Please?”

“I promise.”

I guided Jen to the lift and we joined the two crackheads waiting for us.

“I thought you guys forgot we’re in a middle of a concert. That was smooth, Manobal.” Jisoo jokingly said and winked at me.

“Shut up.” I said and pushed her lightly.

“You knew.” I told Rosie. “Ofcouse, you idiot. We knew since then. We just didn’t wanna say anything.” she replied.

I looked back at Jen who is now making sure her in-ear is well adjusted.

“Now let’s conquer the world, shall we?” I said. Nodding in unison, we both let out a sigh of relief.

“Let’s do this!”

The lift slowly went up and we did what we do best since we were teenagers in training rooms.

Perform. As if it’s our last.

Last.

—

I have so many questions

But I'm pouring them into the ocean

And I'm starting up my engine

And I'm letting go

I'm givin' up your ghost

It's come to a close

I marked the end with this last song I wrote

I'm letting go

This is the last falsetto

I'll ever sing to you

My great lost love

—

Will my love for her fade away in time? Ofcourse not. She’ll always hold a special place in my heart. But I already came to terms with the fact that she is now happy with someone else and that’s all that matters to me.

Cliché as it may sound, but seeing her happy is everything.

It’s never too late to throw your unanswered questions to the ocean and start your engine in order to move forward.

Letting go doesn’t always mean cutting people off your life. Letting go can also be in a form of..

acceptance.

‘Til our next life, Jen.

————————— fin. —————————

#jenlisa #jennie #lisa #jenlisaau #au #blackpinkau

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limeade-l3sbian · 4 months

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Can I ask your advice on something?

My mom and I spoke on the phone a few weeks ago.

I rarely open up deeply about stuff that upsets me to the people I know IRL, not because I don’t trust them but I just tend to have a hard time being emotionally open when it isn’t in writing. I’m usually always however open to listening to others emotional troubles and either just be a shoulder to lean on or should they want it, I also give advice.

Now back to the conversation from some weeks ago. I was opening up about something that had been troubling me deeply for a long time and had only gotten worse. It was physical health related and had gotten so bad it also veered into mental health. I wasn’t asking for advice, I simply had a rare moment where getting it off my chest verbally felt nice. The conversation came to a lull and she suddenly said “can I tell you something that can come across as a bit harsh?” She sounded hesitant but also had slight laughter in her voice. I said sure, not thinking it was anything actually serious. “I’m glad it’s you instead of me”, she told me, actually chuckling. I was so stumped. I didn’t really know what to say so I just said yeah and changed the subject while she sounded kind of embarrassed over the phone. Weeks passes and that sentence doesn’t leave me. It’s like i need a very long time to process it. I act normally in our conversations in between and I wasn’t faking that, I truly just felt like if I didn’t focus on that sentence anymore, the hurt and actual disgust from it would disappear. It hadn’t. It’s like the pin finally dropped this sunday. Like I was finally able to accept my mother, my own parent, was happy I was in deep pain instead of her. I can’t imagine thinking that about any of her pains, much less saying it. I feel so off center. It brings back a lot of old feelings of neglect caused by her. When I was younger she basically put me in a troubled kids home because I was too depressed for her to handle after half a year of me rotting away. I felt deep betrayal in that and didn’t speak to her for a year. I haven’t lived home since then and now i’m obviously not a teenager anymore and we have long since resolved and spoken about feelings on that instance, I had even come to believe again it wasn’t easy for her to throw me aside, but now it’s all back. All that resentment. All those feelings of inadequacy.

I know a lot of the time we expect parents to lose themselves in favor of their children, especially moms. I don’t. I’m not saying she shouldn’t be able to also pick herself. But to kick me while i’m down like this all of a sudden, I don’t know if I can ever truly feel close to her in terms of trust again or if something is irreparably damaged this time. I feel like all that was built up has been cut away now. What should I do?

When someone (anyone) shows you who they are, believe them, anon. It's very interesting that you've sent this to me specifically, because I've recently been coming to grips with who my father really is. I've written think pieces about him on here but even then, there is always some image of our parents that we think we can work towards or get back to. That image, generally, being their shell with our sense of morality and decency.

I won't go off on a bunch of stories about my dad because this ask is about you. But just know he's said equally fucked up things to me and laughed them off. Because what your mom said to you was fucked up. I want to be very clear about that. That's a really fucked up thing to say to anyone, let alone your child.

I'm always wary to give advice to cut a parent off because people's situations can vary so widely that that may not be a reasonable response. And I'm not even saying this shit will be easy, because cutting off a parent can be one of the most painful decisions you have to make. But I think your present and future will suffer needlessly if you do not allow yourself the process of starting to distance from your mother. I think if you are dead set on SOME kind of relationship, let it be distant and on your terms. Your childhood was on her terms, but your adulthood is on yours. Please remember that.

You did not ask to be born and you did not ask to deal with your private ailments. You do what you know is best for your life and your peace. 💜

#ask

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amprella · 2 months

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My mind is and was occupied with relatively serious stuff and changes past 2 months. Maybe it’s time to say things out loud and get them out of the system.

Moved houses, that can be considered as a good change, that’d improve my ways of living, in a smallest sense, even… the process was tough and time consuming with painting etc but again, this was a good occupience.

And then, for about a month, im having digestive issues. And it’s going nowhere as of today. Had many tests, blood, urine, feces, X-rays, ultrasounds… all came back clean but i still have issues with stomach… which leads to either more serious shit like cancer etc or an allergy that i have been tested in the past but developed somehow later on in my life… at least the two options I can think about now.

I feel so preoccupied with thinking. And my ways, my character doesn't help with the situation. I’ve had a similar issue 4 months back, but it had a name (gastroentiridis) and it was clear what it was and could’ve been solved within a month.

Now with this new shit, nothing shows up on blood, ultrasound, X-rays, feces etc and the uncertainty is eating me up, alongside of almost bi-daily stomach pain.

Hear me out, I took precautions. Whoever knows me knows that I like to cook at home, amongst all, it serves my year long diet. I rarely order something from outside, especially when I’m alone, which is most of the times (no complaining)

I had this issue for about 2 weeks, then when it did not go away, went to doctors, did the tests etc, used antibiotics, stomach regulator drug, and after all this treatment, plus 2 weeks, today the issue seem to persist with the doctors could not have pinpoint where is and what is the rootcause of it.

And this last 2 weeks, i’ve took steps extra carefully, even bought bottled water thinking something might’ve been off with water since I don’t consume anything else that is out of ordinary from outside. Stopped alcohol altogether, for a whole week. Took my antibiotics every 12 hrs exactly, why I’m elaborating this is that I did everything by the book, and they still cant find/know what is wrong and my body cannot seem to resolve it.

Now, on top of all that, I tried to maintain my lifestyle, went to gym even with pain, or resisted the urges to my vices to eat out or drink alcohol etc, but mind-wise, I was so preoccupied with uncertainty, when I finished antibiotics and got a bit better, I relaxed a bit, but it returned today, seems like I cannot recover.

Now, being alone in a country with not many people that keeps tabs on you (life, what can you do-everyone has their own life too) ~ your mind tends to go to darker places; especially when there is uncertainty about health stuff.

And when mine did too, it thought of genetic factors, since there were no logical reasoning the tests can came up with. And those genetic factors are the family history with cancer and tumor; losing 3 of 4 uncles (one from dad’s side at around late 50s, 2 from mom’s side, at 33 and 45 years of age) , my grandma having 7 operations in various places on her body due to cancer (survivor) ~ I kind of went existentialist on this, and accepted that it could be something serious for me too.

I mentioned this to doctors too, 2 weeks back, in case she’d want further examinations for internal organs, but she had said that it was not needed (public hospitals ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) for the moment being, and I needed to check myself within a month to keep on trying to find a reason for this problem.

We’re within 2nd week of that 1 month of recovery period, and I have the issue back like the first days it seems.

I don’t know what to think about, not mentally only but also physically. Having to go through anything you do, even drinking water without a subtle and constant pain feels like long history. How tf do we take granted being healthy, and forget like we are going to be healthy forever. I guess that’s called being human.

This human is tired of thinking about uncertain health issues and dealing with physical pain and also having to maintain a social and a professional life, like everything is normal. I am worried, but not scared, worried of not knowing what I need to face with.

And I can’t stress this enough, I have made peace with the idea

If in any outcome or possibility, I know; I can adapt, accept and be okay with it. But not knowing is eating me up.

#personal #diaries of the last month

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talkingwithghosts555 · 6 months

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Trauma, Cellular Trauma, Cellular Memory-Conversation with Paul Walker

K: Hey. I’ve felt you around. How are you?

P: I’m good. You know…(bringing an ankle over a knee) I’m good.

K: Thank you for your help for the last couple of weeks. Working with Sam and all that.

P: You’re welcome. (picks at the cuff of his jeans) Life…right?

K: For sure, life. Just keeps on goin’.

P: I don’t know if you’ve felt it lately…that charge in the air. The picking up speed?

K: I have. It generally feels like there is a hard line drawn in the sand of what was and what’s going to be. It’s not even anything general or subtle. There is a hard line and you either cross it or you don’t because now is the time to choose.

P: That’s part of it, for sure, that’s part of it. I think people are having a difficult time in recognizing that because it’s really never happened before. It feels a little like now or never but that’s a bit extreme.

K: That’s exactly what it feels like though.

P: I feel it too. I really do. Which, you know, is why I’m here. (shrugs like it’s no big deal)

K: I had a curiosity about cellular memory including the trauma that’s stored there.

P: Okay.

K: In the past few weeks or months, I have had this very heavy suspicion that the back stuff that I have…

P: Yep.

K: Isn’t an injury. I feel like it’s deep trauma that’s coming from my root and to move that, it’s causing a lot of discomfort and pain.

P: I would have to agree with you there.

K: Can a person tell that the body is releasing past trauma through the kind of pain it’s experiencing.

P: Absolutely. But before we get into it, we have to let people know the usual.

K: That we aren’t doctors or healthcare professionals and anything here is not intended to be used as diagnosis or as a health resource. (blah, blah, blah)

P: It just protects you, Kim.

K: I know.

P: There you go. Now everyone knows. That’s done. Have you ever had the experience of trying to take something from a child and they hold onto it for dear life and there’s this bit of a tug of war?

K: Sure.

P: Because they don’t want to release what they have in their grasp and the thought of losing that, even if it’s something that can hurt them, is really scary.

K: Yes.

P: That is what’s happening at a cellular level right now. Let’s take you, for example.

K: Sure.

P: That spasm you feel, at a cellular level, is the back and forth of your trauma not wanting to let go of the place that it’s held in the body for a long time. And when there is that pretty big tug of war happening, it can feel crippling. Again, people need to make sure if they’re having a lot of pain, to see a doctor but if we’re gonna put it in the energetic or spiritual sense, it’s trauma being forced to vacate but it’s not willing so it’s gonna cop a squat where it wants to. If a person has had trauma while growing up, it will manifest in the root of that person. If the person was sexually abused, they will have those trauma stores in the root and sacral…heart…throat…it can spread like a virus into any center of the body that had anything to do with feeling that, going through that…enduring that. That’s a pretty extreme example so let’s look at something simple. If a person grew up poor…they had nothing. They lived in the slums…that can give serious hip and back pain. If someone felt neglect, they can have that pain or discomfort in the chest that feels like heartburn or upper back pain. If people needed to grow up before their time…they can feel that a lot in the neck and shoulders and find it really hard to express themselves. I will put out there that the diagnosis of “fibromyalgia” (finger quote) is an umbrella term for pain that can’t be diagnosed. They don’t know why it happens…where is this inflammation coming from and it’s really coming from a cellular level where there was trauma, at some point, that happened and now it’s being felt in the physical and mental bodies because it’s stuck there.

K: I see a lot of pain coming up for a lot of people. I also see a lot of…over-awareness…hyperawareness about it that’s causing the other extreme and trying to do everything to get rid of it.

P: And the over-awareness or the hyperawareness of it is trying to solve a problem as fast as possible so it can be done as soon as possible without really understanding why it’s there in the first place and not doing the work to really heal it, so it doesn’t come back. That hyperawareness about trauma is fleeing for your life…trying not to get caught with your hand in the cookie jar. If traumatic cellular memories aren’t cleared properly or intentionally with that love…that self-love and self-awareness and truth, they will continue to thrive.

K: I know people do a lot of past life regression and things of that nature to try to heal a specific pain in the body…

P: They do and that’s cool. That’s cool to clear all that past life stuff from a body because we all carry it. Me, living as Paul, carried it and I died from it…but that’s a side conversation that we’ve had.

K: Yes.

P: But that’s past life stuff and that’s stuff that maybe makes up 10% of the pain someone is feeling. The other 90% is this life right here (pointing down) that people tend to forget about because they’re so wrapped up in what happened as they played a different part that they ignore who they are right now and the importance of that. Especially when there’s trauma involved. Let’s talk about birth for a second.

K: Okay.

P: No matter which way you slice it, birth is traumatizing. Some women handle it and love it and that’s great. A lot of what goes unsaid from women is that they don’t love it, it caused them to feel dissociation and a lack of connection with their child and it takes months to even feel like they can call themselves human, let alone a woman again. I’ve seen it. I’m pretty passionate about this actually.

K: I know.

P: That’s stored in the body for the next child, if they choose to have another one so not only is it affecting the mother that doesn’t want to talk about it because they might feel shamed for feeling something different than what’s the “norm” (finger quote) that a woman “should” (finger quote) feel after birth, it’s also affecting the child and creating a trickle down generational affect. That’s huge and that’s from that first woman worried about shame and being judged for honest feelings of trauma and not being able to heal from that because birth is “beautiful” and connection to the woman’s body and what it can do…and that child…is “blissful”.

K: Holy crap. You’re on a pedestal about this.

P: I’m glad you’re bringing this up. (slaps the back of his hand into the palm of the other) People, get your trauma helped. Get it out. Understand that you are not your trauma, and it isn’t your fault and let it go so you can feel better in your body, mind, and heart and be an example to others that shit happens but so do you and you’re worth a life without pain, suffering, shame…blame.

K: Cancer?

P: I want to talk about breast cancer.

K: Oh boy.

P: How much hurt, pain, abuse, self-loathing…no self-confidence…lack of self-acceptance does a woman need to inflict on herself…telling herself some story that she’s not before her body says enough, I can’t take your hate anymore.

K: Again, we are not doctors.

P: No, we’re not. Cancer…the term…it spreads like a cancer…

K: Yes.

P: Cancer hears the negative that you don’t speak out loud and women do this to themselves a lot and it will start very small…something harmless…and feed and build and get bigger until you cannot ignore your health anymore. Cancer doesn’t just feed off cells or manipulate itself into your cells. It feeds off the negativity that you have stored and it loves it. Miracle healings take place with acts of love. They take place with acts of care. They take place when two or more gather in HIS name but when people gather in HIS name it isn’t gathering to gossip or judge or hate…they gather in love for themselves and for another because that’s what Jesus stood for. I see it, time and time again with women. The comparing. The lack of self-esteem because someone told them or they told themselves they don’t make the cut…they don’t make the grade. Cancer…it hears that and even when there is a history of cancer in the family…that’s that generational stuff that I was talking about. Grandmothers, mothers, daughters…

K: The trauma that gets stored through the mother…in those genetics from mother but even father? Because the father came from a mother at some point.

P: Absolutely.

K: Wow.

P: Cells are wise. They are smart. They are loving but they are also very innocent and just doin’ what they do and they can be imprinted on and they keep that imprint like a child not wanting to give up what’s in their hands even if it’s dangerous.

K: So then how can we support the healing…the cellular trauma healing.

P: Let it happen. You need to let it express itself to free itself and there are supports out there. Depending on the trauma is how hard or difficult that process will be. When is the last time someone really took a look at their pain or their illness and spoke to it and showed it love and compassion instead of covering it…despising it?

K: But people don’t look at pain and trauma like that. It’s looked at as something to fix or deal with. Not love.

P: We have always told people…when tragedy strikes…to love those effected back to standing. When tragedy strikes the body…love it back to standing. There are certain feelings that people experience when their body doesn’t cooperate or doesn’t feel like their own or just gives them a hard time. They can get resentful of their bodies. That can get mad…mourn themselves because they aren’t “healthy”. The word can’t escapes their lips more than it should. Do they show it love? Is it easy to show pain love when you are feeling the worst of it? Is it easy to show a mental illness, brought on by trauma…love? This is a key factor in healing. Acceptance that things happened is a key factor for healing. Healing doesn’t happen when a person tries to forget what’s happened. Accepting it…accepting that trauma has happened, that your body is trying it’s best to let go of its trauma is really the first step in true intentional healing. People don’t like to hear that they chose this path. They hate that. They hate being told that they chose it. Sorry. That’s the human experience you chose. But you also choose how to live it. You also choose how to love it. You choose how you want to look at it through the eyes of perspective. It’s a tough love lesson from Paul right now because these sorts of things are…it’s seen a lot right now.

K: Yes. For sure.

P: No one likes to hear, you chose this path before you came. But trust me when I say that no one loves to hear…when you get here to my side…You missed the point. You forgot yourself.

K: Wow!

P: My work here is so people don’t have to hear that when they get to my side.

K: Do you think that trauma is part of the human experience…it’s meant to be a part of it?

P: It doesn’t have to be. There are some people that equate the human experience to one of hardship but that’s not…that’s not correct. The human experience is a really cool experience. It’s the ultimate experience right now but people are always searching for that experience that they believe exists beyond this one. Knowing and understanding that this experience is your creation and your response to the ultimate creation…it doesn’t have to be filled with trauma. It can be filled with something different but it’s a choice. Yes, shitty things do happen. Trauma does happen. It’s what you do with it that creates the outcome. A person never has to be a victim of something. That is continuing the story that trauma is part of the human experience. Thriving over surviving…that’s a true human experience and…you know…it’s considering that there’s more than what you assume there is…there’s more than what you feel you’ve been handed…that’s the human experience. There’s always more through the lens of perspective. It’s just where a person’s head and heart are at that determines that. Trauma is being released right now but that’s not something to fear or succumb to. It’s something to sort of get happy and excited about because…think about it…what does the human life…the planet’s landscape look like when trauma’s released…loved back to standing and doesn’t exist anymore?

K: I guess that’s a personal question for anyone.

P: Exactly. It’s a choice to answer that…honestly. Roll those credits.

#Paul Walker #Trauma #cellular memory #pain #spiritual growth #spiritual journey #mediumship #channeling #channeled message #spirit communication #psychic #message from spirit

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commoncorps3 · 6 months

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lol im not sure my mental and physical health has ever been this bad.

im kinda suicidal again instead of just being numb, empty, and having depersonalization/derealization but I don’t even know who to tell. my friends are probably getting overwhelmed with me/tired of me doing so bad all the time. it’s gotta be a real bummer. can’t tell my family bc they freak out or the complete opposite just tell me it’s gonna be ok. my girlfriend has DID and hasn’t fronted in several days because she’s been having a hard time mentally and physically so one of her alters (who I am not dating) has been in control. this alter doesn’t really talk to me nearly as much as my gf usually does so my bpd (and general shit mental health atm) is having a fucking field day with that. i miss her a lot. Unrelated to her but I don’t sleep or eat enough. my house is disgusting and I can’t get myself to clean it. the stupid lexapro my psych made me try gave me so many fucking side effects and I stopped taking it days ago and I’m still having the worst fucking time. i have so many bruises and scabs from how bad my skin picking has gotten from the medicine. my jaw hurts so bad bc the med made me start clenching it/gritting my teeth all the time now. my teeth feel so weak and sensitive like I’m scared they’re gonna fucking break into pieces when I eat. my acne got worse too but idk if that’s bc of the medicine or bc my hormones are crazy OR bc I’ve been on my period for basically two months at this point. i have sores on my tongue that are painful and overstimulating just to feel and i want to bite them off or something. my wisdom teeth are hurting too. im so tired. I have no excitement. im just detached from life. I’m not enjoying anything. people’s concern for me is not even fucking hitting me like it should be. I’ll be like “I want to kms” and they’ll be like “holy shit I’m worried about you i love you don’t die” and I’m just like “🤷”. it’s very frustrating. everyday feels like a shitty dream. but i never wake up. ive barely even been listening to music. which is fucking wild for me. I just listen to YouTube at work. and it’s mostly like videos on disturbing/scary shit lately. like shit I’ve barely even touched before the last few weeks. I don’t know why I’m suddenly so interested in really fucked up stuff but nothing else hits the same. I guess I subconsciously just wanna feel something. so fear and discomfort is my go-to. I’m always in pain. I have the desire to abuse drugs or drink or SOMETHING to make myself feel better. but I still really don’t even do that. oh yeah and I relapsed twice this week. once wasn’t that bad but the second time was pretty fucking rough. it’s even worse bc I literally broke apart someone’s fucking shaving razor at my friend’s house and used one of the blades. then had to wake my friend up bc the cuts wouldn’t stop bleeding. I need serious help. I don’t want to be hospitalized though. I did that earlier this year and it was a complete waste of time. I wish I could just die. I’m so tired of pushing through this hell. And I can’t help but think “well i guess it could be worse” which is true but also every time I think that something else happens. I want out. Please. I wish I had the fucking balls to kill myself like ive wanted to for the past like 12 years. No one can help me. I can’t even help me. I genuinely don’t know what to do. I take the medicine. I go to therapy. I reach out to loved ones for help. I try to live my life. But it’s not fucking working. I’m so miserable.

#stfu lexy #text #very heavy stuff I’m ranting about please be warned #these are just for people’s blacklists btw #self harm #suicide #suicidal thoughts #medication #dermatillomania

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maddithecurlyfry · 2 years

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09/28/22

So much has happened since I last posted. The previous post was written in the dorm of the friend of a girl I thought I was talking to before that weekend she then out of nowhere said that she wasn’t looking for anything serious. I was so happy and excited that day... then reality hit. No luck on the dating front since then. There’s one girl who I’ve talked to a little, but I’m not thinking it’ll be romantic.

In other news, I’ve gotten better at going to class. It has been hard, but I’m getting better although I’m not feeling too great right now. Yesterday night I was feeling like utter shit after the org meeting that I tried to watch Gilmore Girls and even that didn’t help any. I ended up reading for a couple hours. That has been the best thing for me. It is the ultimate escape. I have gotten so invested in ACOTAR that I almost don’t want to do anything else. It is getting to an obsessive level, but that world is so much better than living in my reality. That’s sad to say, but I can’t deny it. The fanfic for ACOTAR is kind of lacking though... I’ve also had mini spoilers through trying to read fanfiction, but nothing too crazy. The audiobook is pretty erotic I must say. I tried to listen at work and I was blushing the whole time. There were real kissing noises and moans that I could not help feeling like I was melting. I’m listening to ACOTAR and reading ACOMAF. I don’t want to listen to the audiobook first. There is something so pure about reading a physical book.

Something else that has happened is that I have fallen out of favor with my parents. I don’t think they realize that they’re doing it. I mentioned it many times over the weekend when my parents came for Family Weekend. It has been extremely hurtful. I don’t even know what to do about it anymore. Not sure what there is to do...

I still don’t feel like myself. My mental health is still not where I want it to be and I keep wondering if it ever will be again. I still feel very lost. It is exhausting just existing at this point. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t here anymore... Not too serious, but just enough to notice.

#diary of a confused college student

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bratz-kitten · 4 years

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random thoughts on the moon signs

moon in pisces is literally my favorite placement ever. something about these people makes me feel safe. as a capricorn moon, i repress my emotions constantly and i’m deadly afraid of showing vulnerability, but pisces moons give off this vibe of constantly being consumed by their emotions – and it’s fascinating. you make me feel like it’s okay to express my deeply emotional side; even better, you encourage it. you’re the type of people who i love crying with while eating ice cream, even cuddling with. your empathy and passion for your interests is your biggest strength.

moon in aquarius reminds me of that shrek quote of him being an onion – you guys have layers upon layers upon layers. my brother is an aquarius moon and sometimes i feel like i’m the only person who knows how emotional he really is. you hate showing this part of yourself – it’s hidden safely from prying hands; you racionalize your emotions, repress them, attempt to conceal them; but ultimately, your deeply compassionate and intuitive nature will be shown – even if only to the very few you trust. your dreams are your biggest strength.

i have never met a cancer moon without raging mommy issues yet who was deeply attached to their mother. you always share this very close bond and she’s very present in your life – yet its so obviously this very toxic dynamic. you guys get this fame for being the only ones with ‘stable’ emotions because your moon is exalted but you’re like.. not. your emotions aren’t stable; much on the contrary, and even if you’re very emotional, you don’t particularly like showing it. most of the cancer moons i’ve known are iffy about expressing their feelings. you joke a lot about your trauma, though, and so you give people the impression of knowing you when really, they don’t know the half of it.

moon in sagittarius makes it feel like life is worth living. you dream so much and so high; you’re so open about your love for adventure and freedom, so optimistic and fun-loving – to the point where most people don’t understand how turbulent your emotions are underneath the façade. you give off the vibe of the funny friend who’s depressed and afraid to show it because you’re supposed to be the one who raises the spirits. doesn’t it hurt when you try opening up to others and they almost seem bothered by it because they prefer it when you’re just this bubble of fun? you need to learn to take that weight off your shoulders – stop trying to entertain others and realize that they’re the ones who need to entertain you. this is your show, baby. your resilience is your strength.

is it possible to be a capricorn moon without having strict parents and a terrible childhood in which you had to raise yourself? because i think it’s kind of a given. it’s so funny how literally everyone sees you as this cold, unemotional, strong person yet you probably cry everyday. a lot of problems with self-worth every time you’re in a bad place mentally, which is constantly. extremely calculating – you always do shit with a clear purpose in mind and it can come off like you’re using people for your own gains. your ability to survive even unsurmountable odds stacked up against you is your strength. i almost feel like you thrive on pain because that’s how you’ve learned to grow and adapt.

moon in aries people are so smart, and most of all, dedicated. you make me want to get my life together so bad – you’re the type of people to set a goal and go through with it no matter what. you’re always on to something, looking for opportunities and recognition. you see what you want and you go for it. you’re so easy to rile up and lose it, though, it’s so funny how you’re so bold and passionate yet so big of a crybaby (all aries placements are tbh).

moon in scorpio stop being so pessimistic pleathe i will kiss you in the lips just don’t lose your faith in humanity /yet/. trust is the most important thing in the world to you which is funny because you have raging trust issues. so sensitive but you cover that up with anger. you be looking like you wanna commit sporadic murder when on the inside you’re just so hurt. you’re so dependable, things might be in deep shit but as soon as you’re in the room i know we’ll find a way to fix it. if the l*ve of my life doesn’t end up being a scorpio moon i’ll be so pissed.

moon in leo YOU’RE SO INFURIATING PLEASE SHUT UP OR I’LL FUCK YOU??????? massive egos, you know you’re the shit and you won’t shut up about it. likes to start arguments just to rile everyone up and then laugh maniacally in the corner at the chaos they created. always have a wicked plan in mind and i’ll go along with it because you’re also stupidly endearing. the best friends, literally always there when you’re down and sosososo supportive. i’ve noticed that feeling insecure is quite possible the worst thing you can feel, it’ll start to take a toll on your physical health. your ability to be a fucking idiot but also a /pretty/ idiot is your biggest strength.

moon in virgo if you say “well actually, that’s not how that works” one more time i’ll throw hands. incredibly nit-picky and obsessive but also the types of people to have a pile of dirt on their room?? mom friend, WILL take care of her babies/friends. you always ruin the mood yet.. you’re so fun to be around? how does that even work? i could listen to you talk for hours. i don’t think you know what the concept of relaxation is. also pleathe stop with that need to fix others. the fact that you’re so focused on your goals and willing to do just about anything is your biggest strength (it’s also kinda scary).

my mom’s moon is in libra and ma’am can you please stop transferring your mommy issues onto me? i get it, you had a codependent relationship with her and she showed you she loved you while also constantly criticising you and treating you like an extension of herself. my bestie is a libra moon too and it’s also like that. just.. mommy issues and insecurities for days. a passion 4 fashion and people love to be around you. also, i can’t understand how you feel. like, you’ll cry a lot and love so hard yet when you break up with someone you’ll never spare a thought about them again? it’s almost like you can turn your feelings off. which is funny, because that’s supposed to be a capricorn moon thing but i’ve never met one who can stop caring, they just act like they’re heartless to protect themselves. either way, libra moons can switch from sweethearts to cold and aggressive in a literal second and it’s scary but also cool.

moon in gemini please don’t ever shut up you have so much to say, your interests are so fascinating and the way you talk with so much passion about literally anything makes my heart do the flippy thing. also so complicated, can you name one person in this world who fully knows and comprehends you? very secretive, people feel like they know you because you talk a lot and are very open about certain things but as soon as something actually serious happens you turn into allison dilaurentis real quick.

moon in taurus why are you so pretty? you’re so extra too, you always leave the house looking straight off the runaway. you’re literally so caring for your friends and overprotective too, possessive of even them. you prioritize comfort a lot, wether it be on your home or concerning yourself. you’re very good with people, i feel like you’re the ex that your ex-boyfriend’s mom doesn’t ever shut up about because she misses you and wants you to be The one. you need to learn that change isn’t the enemy!! change is fundamental for personal growth. hold grudges for a crazy amount of time. very weird sense of humor, in an oddly endearing way. your mentality of “if they’ve hurt you, they’ve hurt me too” is your biggest strength.

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seokjinsonlyone · 3 years

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this what i think bts love language is

a/n: this just my thoughts besties i ain’t do no formal type of research or nun just let my lil imagination sprint 🥸🤪

namjoon:

physical affection/words of affirmation

okay so i said physical affection for one bc like he seem to like initiate contact with people around him a lot

like in interviews he be having his hand on whoever next to him thigh or like when he be performing if it’s someone next to him he throws his arms around them a lot

not to mention like whenever jimin or jk or whoever start feeling up on him he never rejects it or makes a face or anything like yoongi does he just accepts it

like there’s so many stage clips where jimin will come and rest his chin on joon’s shoulder and he just lets him

or jk will just start touching on him some way grabbing his arms or sumn and it doesn’t phase him at all

another example is like on day 2 of sowoozoo when tae randomly came and linked arms with him and hobi during mikrokosmos hobi was like 🥴🥴 but joon was just 😌

and then there was that magic shop muster moment when jk was talking about how much he loved joon and how he was his beginning you know as president of the joon fan club does and namjoon couldn’t help but to go over and give his number one admirer a hug you know the moment

same thing with compliments he lowkey be eating them up

like you know how whenever hobi gets complimented he be like “😶 don’t say those things” joon don’t do that

like when they was asked to take their jackets off during the butter shoot and namjoon was like yeah okay and everyone started hyping him up and he was just 💁🏼‍♂️😜

and again on day 2 sowoozoo when he pushed his hair back from his forehead and everyone went OHHHHHSWJJSJS SEXY NAMJOON and then he decided to murder us all by tilting his head back on top of that adding insult to injury i would insert the picture but for my mental health i will not

and again whenever they talk about him being such a great leader he never shies away from it doesn’t cringe always accepts it so you know it must mean a lot for him to hear those things

aside from that tho he’s such a poetic person

like he is definitely involved in an intimate affair with language so there’s no way he wouldn’t appreciate you verbally telling him how he makes you feel

like just think about how many times he’s said he wants to sit down with each army and listen to their story

that being said if this was your man i think you’d definitely have to both show and tell him how you feel

like if he was about to head out for work you definitely got to kiss him before he leaves

and if you on the phone with him the last words you’re saying are i love you

and he’s definitely gonna cherish it each time always gonna have that cute little smile dimples caved in his cheeks bc you love him and he feels it

seokjin:

acts of service/words of affirmation

alright so ngl the reason i said acts of service for seokjin is like almost 100% based on his reaction to tae setting up that birthday event for him where he had his friends send him messages

he talked about it for WEEKS like he was genuinely so moved that i just like he has to love it

and then there’s like how much he bothers jk to like do simple stuff like i’m specifically thinking about that one moment in bon voyage 4 when he was sitting down at the table and called jk to help him up

and then there’s also little things he does for others like when he peeled tae’s tangerines for him or when he offered to feed yoongi bc he was driving or how he always offers bites of his food before even gets a chance to taste it

now i say words of affirmation bc he always searching for a compliment

my minds going to when jk hurt his foot and jin was pushing him in the wheelchair and kept feeding him lines to say about how he was such a good hyung and how he loves him

or in the behind the scenes for the boy with luv video and he kept tryna get tae to compliment him for being witty

and my boy never misses a chance to introduce himself as worldwide handsome

even though he does a lot of those things jokingly there are moments when he’s serious too about giving compliments and shy when he receives them like in those be interviews when he called jk a singing genius and jungkook was talking about how he had the most range and he got all ☺️☺️

or that moment from in the soop when he was comforting yoongi about like not having regrets and when yoongi told him he wanted to be like him just those kinds of moments let me know words are important to him

which just made me remember how hard he tries with his lyrics and how important they are to him like when he was writing awake and he talked about how he kept getting rejected but he was super insistent bc it was important for him to sing the words he wrote and don’t even get me started on moon i just-

anyway jin done said many times he is a man of the present so if you’re with him you gotta actively show/tell him

if you’re at the store pick him up some gummies

if you know he’s got a long day ahead of him maybe pack him some snacks to take with him in the morning

if his hair looks nice tell him

send him messages throughout the day even if he can’t respond immediately

he claims he’s a man of the present but whenever he takes a moment to reminisce the past he’ll look back and know just how much you care about him

yoongi:

quality time/acts of service

listen as much as this man loves spending time alone the time he spends with others means a lot to him

like how he always go fishing with jin even tho he ain’t particularly fond of it

or how like in in the soop he had made plans to play games with jimin and did so extensively

also from in the soop when he had spent most of his day outside reading but then he had heard everyone starting to make the theme song and immediately ran to get his equipment to record and what not

not to mention his poem from the end of that one run episode where they went on like a mini trip or whatever and he was like “what a relief that we have seven members. what a relief that we have each other.”

like being all together is important to him

like i just think about that one scene from one of they movies ion remember which one but they were all gathered around the table and it was when he had told them how he actually hurt his shoulder and they was talking about how they was worried about jk and how he need to come out his room and it’s not even the content of the scene but just like the fact that he ain’t have to be there but he was

and also can’t neglect to mention how he whined for y e a r s about how ain’t nobody come to visit him on set when he was filming the videos for his first mixtape like mans wouldn’t let that go and then how touched he was when they made appearances on his daechwita set even if he couldn’t express it properly

and how he begged for them to make cameos in the video and how happy he was when jin and jk did

and he doesn’t ever forget to mention whenever him and hobi hang out he’s like yeah we went for a drink and dinner and talked and blah blah

he loves it when people make an effort to be around him

now acts of service i got this all on a whim okay like… listen… we all been there we have all watched an ideal type video on youtube don’t lie okay

and up there it be like he want someone to bring him food in the studio and take care of him and stuff like that and in this case the math maths

you really can see that in how he treats others

like just the other day i saw a gifset somewhere and the boys were like yeah yoongi always takes care of us he don’t make eye contact tho

not to mention how he always cooks for them when they go on trips

and even though he ain’t give seokjin his song yet we know it’s coming! eventually!

and whenever they be ganging up on jungkook yoongi always the first one to be like “stooooppp you gon make him cry”

my baby just always be doing little things for others to show he cares okay 🥺

so if you got with my baby you gotta take care of him 🥺🥺🥺

he really needs someone that understands him bc he not gonna say anything

if you’re all hanging out together make sure you’re by his side so he knows you want to be there with him

if he’s busy stuck in his studio drop by even if you just end up laying on the couch he’s gonna appreciate you just being with him

and bring food my baby getting buff he need all the veggies and protein he can get

hoseok:

receiving gifts

i really had to think about this one but once i connected the dots yeah it makes total sense

like he looooves shopping loves getting stuff so when other people give him stuff i know he just 🥰🥰🥰

hobi lights up when he gets gifts they don’t always have to be big but i know he very much appreciates them

like how in the army corner store festa video when asked to bring something meaningful to them he brought those figurines which was the first gift a fan gifted him

which makes me think about how those limited edition figurines dropped and hobi was like i need to get one for namjoon and then namjoon was like i need to get one for hobi and so they ended up with like two of them or something like that

also from festa in the little photo booth mission every time he won a prize he was like yaaasss omg and was thinking of ways to put it to use like when he got that picture frame he immediately stuck them film strips in it he probably got it hanging in his room or in his studio by now tbh

and i think it was on the canada run bts episode where jk bought him those slippers and he was super happy

even when they were in hawaii and him and jin were hungry on the bus and he asked jin for gummies like ofc jin had to get on his nerves first but when he finally gave him his snacks he went from 😐 to 😚

or how he still has that change purse that namjoon bought him in malta (probably still got the money in there too tbh)

speaking of malta got me thinking about how tae went out of his way to win hobi that flamingo bc he said he’d never seen one and when tae gave it to him he went parading it around telling everyone that tae won it for him and then said he was gonna put it in his studio

and he got that chicken leg pillow they gave him from you quiz on the couch in his studio

and i think it was from the 2020 winter package he was so happy when jin bought him those ugly little troll elf things with the hat you know what i’m talking about

and he commented like three times when jungkook drew that picture of him for his birthday

and we know mans be giving gifts too

like how he got yoongi that coffee truck on the set of daechwita

and when they were on the speak yourself tour and he went out shopping on a day off and bought jin a sweater or something

and how he slaved through like 2 or 3 lives making bracelets for the members and then gave it to them on the bang bang con live

and the most devastating one of all when they had to give each other gifts i think it was on the run episode with all the water games but i could be wrong anyway and like most of them gave each other gag gifts like their merch or whatever but hobi gave jimin (and the rest of the members) a cd for his song promise it had a little photo book in it and everything 😭😭😭

so like whoever gets with this fine specimen gon have to throw a few dollars together to make sure this man is kept

not really i’m sure he doesn’t expect you to sell your car for a gucci peacoat or your soul for a rolex

but if you did decide to save up for some time to get him a little extravagant gift i know he’d more than appreciate it

more often than not though it’d be the little things that got to him like if you bought a simple t shirt from the store but then kinda like upcycled it drew little doodles on it wrote “i’m your hope” somewhere on it there would definitely be a picture uploaded of him on weverse or twitter wearing it

or if you decided to compile the pictures of you two together into a scrapbook or something he’d keep it somewhere accessible like in a drawer in his desk in his studio and flip through it with a little smile on his face when he’s missing you

and even if it was something even smaller than that like say he mentioned in passing that like idk he was out of eggs or something and you bought him some he just might marry you

jimin:

physical affection/quality time

the first thing that comes to mind with this for jimin is how he comforts his boys

like there’s so many behind the scenes clips from tour where like jk or tae will be upset with their performance and crying and jimin would be the one to come up behind them and hug them and wipe their tears

same concept for that one moment in bon voyage 3 when they told him that tae was crying and he just kinda hugged him and wiped his tears and hovered around him to make sure he was okay

or when they left hobi at the gas station in bon voyage 4 and then went back to pick him up he still hugged hobi even as he was laughing evilly

also in bon voyage 4 when they went on that helicopter tour and they was on the mountain and him and tae tackled each other and was rolling in the snow

and he is just like always in jk arms like he just jumps on him for no reason like in that video where lee hyun is acting as one of bts’ management

also in the behind from i think when they were practicing for the 2019 bbmas i believe at some point jungkook was holding that man spinning him in circles or sumn like that

and there’s also that one comeback show when him and tae were in the comic book cafe and they were just cuddled up together looking at tae’s phone practicing english i think

and on that one joon live when him and tae crashed and just caused a whole lot of commotion i’m pretty sure at one point they were cuddled on the couch and then jimin told tae his breath stinks and tae proceeded to open his mouth over the air purifier

anyway clearly he is a man with hands

but he also is someone who loves to spend time together it’s important to him

like i just think about how when they had their “break” back in 2019 he talked about how he just traveled the entire time and he went with various friends and family

and i’m pretty sure it was bon voyage 3 when they were doing their friendship trips and trying to make fresh pairings or whatever he was like i don’t think there’s any surprising pairing with me and it’s like… that’s true

like you got minimoni, minimini, jikook etc… all tried tested and true man gets around his band

and he’s the main one who’s always like “yeah bro we should live in the dorms until we’re 50”

and he always talks about how he can’t be alone and how he’s always gotta be doing something with someone

and his lives!!! his lives!!!! when he spends time with us it’s always so intimate and personable

like you can’t tell me that i ain’t have dinner with him and jin after a show in the hotel room and we drank off camera even after the staff told us we couldn’t 😤🤚

there’s also that time he went live and someone said they had some kind of condition and then he took it upon himself to look it up and try to find treatments

just liiiike whenever he goes live every minute counts bro and yes this is me trying to summon him bc we ain’t had a solo jimin live since october and i know they super busy but i miss 😓😓😓

so for this mans i just feel like you just gotta really be with him

just like he makes every second count you have to as well

like he’s gonna want to have your full attention and you’ll definitely have his he’ll be obsessed with you tbh

however he doesn’t always have the time and his schedule definitely isn’t the most accommodating so he’s gonna want someone to put in the effort

but as long as you make sure he knows you’re all in he’ll always meet you halfway

taehyung:

words of affirmation

now this one has been stated explicitly multiple times and he’s admitted it himself

specifically during let’s bts in their segment within the segment and namjoon was like taehyung the kind of person who grows from compliments

and i ain’t even got the right words to express how i feel about the smile he couldn’t help when hobi had them all tell tae that they like him

not to mention the story he told during the festa video last year about how he always tried his very best to get hobi to praise him and how disappointed he was when hobi didn’t get it

and i may be tripping but didn’t like earlier this year he didn’t post on weverse or twitter for like a month or so because he wanted to keep seeing us say how much we miss him???

and in bon voyage season 2 when they had to write letters to each other and he wrote his to jimin and then cried when he read it

there’s also a moment in bon voyage 4 when he and rm were about to sleep in the same space and he asked joon if he could cuddle him and joon was like 🥴🤚 how bout no and tae was like you do like me right? and rm was like yeah of course but let’s not cuddle bro

also in that weverse magazine interview they did he talked about how depressed he got when they weren’t able to perform and he only felt happy for a while when he was able to communicate with us

and in turn he’s very verbally supportive as well

like at that one fan sign they was talking about bon voyage and they asked army which season they liked better 1 or 2 and someone said 1 and taehyung was like “😐 now why would you say that bc namjoon won’t even in that” even though really it was only like 1 or 2 episodes he missed out on

and like he’s always hyping seokjin up like when they were doing the map of the soul 7 comeback live and jin was talking about how he wasn’t a good dancer and taehyung was like 😡 don’t say that bc it’s not true you’re good and you always been good

and in the let’s bts thing again it was important for him to let jimin know that he likes him best like they really are best friends y’all 😭

and when he talks about how much he loves suga’s raps

and that moment in the soop when he set up a date for him and jungkook to talk out whatever tension they had or whatever

and how during those individual be interviews he had hobi flustered when he complimented his passion for music

and he always be saying like the most comforting stuff on weverse letting army know he’s there as a source of comfort at all times even when he can’t be

like this man is literally the creator of borahae meaning that we’ll love and support each other for a long time

so if you get with tae communication is key!!!

you gotta tell him how you feel about him

if you’re out and about and see something that reminds you of him? tell him. if you like his hair that day? tell him. if he does something that pisses you off? tell him. if you miss him? tell him. if you love him? tell him.

like y’all gon talk about everything and nothing at all some days you’ll be discussing aliens and parallel universes other days you’ll be like discussing the future of your relationship

and ya know he a busy man so you not always gon be having long and drawn out heart to hearts so i think he’d love it if you just sent messages throughout the day something that let him know you were thinking of him even if it’s just a picture of a possum you chased down or if you spammed him with tiktoks you thought he’d like

he’d be looking at his phone like 🥰🤳 thinking about how much he loves you

jungkook:

physical affection

now this lil menace right here is touchy

always down for a cuddle

like on the canada episode of run when they were about to pick out rooms and he was like firmly latched onto hobi on the couch while they waited

and when they were practicing home for the magic shop muster and yoongi sat in the arm chair and immediately jk sat in his lap and tae sat in his lap

or how in in the soop after they were done eating he just went and latched onto jin’s back

and how tae had went to go wake jk up that one time and they ended up falling asleep

or how jk had went to wake up jimin that one time and they ended up falling asleep

there was just a lot of jk cuddles going on in in the soop so i’ll move on

let’s talk about the pool water debate run episode where in the end jk decided to latch onto jin’s back yet again

i’ll take this moment to mention the jinkook moment that lives in my head rent free for no valid reason it’s from the life goes on countdown video where they were reading the post cards and he was wearing that big pink sweatshirt and jin was wearing that pink and black bomber jacket and jk just grabbed jin’s arm and held onto it and played with it and when he was done he just threw it away i… i think about that moment a lot there’s an entire section in both my head and heart dedicated to that moment anyway continuing on

i’ll talk about that time they were backstage for a show and they had them blow up mattresses and suga was minding his business resting and jk just rolled up and moved his legs and laid beside him and then hobi decided to pile on top

and whenever they’re on stage he’s always the most delighted when joon would suggest a hug he’d be the first one over there nose scrunched up giggling he loves it

there’s also many instances in interviews and lives where he just can’t keep him hands to himself

just like that last butter live when tae ended up with a crown of forks thanks to mr kook

and he never misses an opportunity to feel up joon

which makes me remember that time he kissed namjoon on the forehead

and he is just always carrying jimin for some reason

so in conclusion… physical affection

and if he was your mans you’d be on the frontlines of receiving all he has to give

not necessarily in public or around a lot of people but in a space where you both were comfortable yes

you’d just have to accept that when you’re standing around he’s going to give you a shoulder/neck/back massage for no particular reason

and he will latch onto you in different positions for extended periods of time

and you gotta do the same! like that’s your man! go give him a hug! a kiss! let him know you love him

cuddle up to him while y’all chilling watching tv

hold his hand while y’all talking

just like grab onto him and never let him go

he’ll be hoping you don’t

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astroyongie · 2 years

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Ive Reading - July Edition

Note: Please keep in mind that you have to read this with a grain of salt. This is simply info I got on my reading, it doesn’t mean I am 100% right. Have fun !

Yunjin

Yunjin is currently in a relationship. They have been dating for three months now (a 4th gen idol), but they know each other since 7 months ago. Despite everything going very well for her, I still feel that this person has a strong influence over her life. Probably because it’s either her twin flame or a very strong soulmate. She is happy but their relationship need to be careful so it doesn’t become toxic

Recently she got into a heavy argument with a member of her group (and even staff) concerning their group work. Yunjin feels like she has been working her butt off but she isn’t being payed fairly compared to others. Some of her opportunities were taken back after these arguments.

Physical Health:She have been having pains in her hips and lumbar area, needs to be careful with her liver. Also her digestive system, she isn’t eating correctly lately. Mental Health: Low self esteem, she has been dealing with some traumatic experiences. But she is fighting on and mediating a lot.

Gaeul

She too is currently in a relationship with someone, however it’s something very recent and she still keeps secret from people. Gaeul don’t want to share this relationship she has. Mostly because of his partner’s situation (trainee). There’s a lot of desire between them.

When It comes to her career, there’s opportunities that have been given ti her, but she imagines too much and she has the tendency to fantasy a lot about it. However she is happy about it and she will make her own decisions concerning these opportunities that were represented to her. She might be scared however of the backlash she might receive from fans

Physical Health: She is overly okay Mental Health: She needs to adapt herself to her own emotional rhythm. She feels angry a lot lately and too easily; she also has a lot of inner doubts and she feels very lonely at times. She needs to take care of her mental health.

Rei

So Rei isn’t in a relationship however she sees someone often. They aren’t together because this person does not wish to have anything serious with her. They are a 3rd gen idol who isn’t in their group anymore (disband), and he isn’t very interested on her romantically. Their relationship doesn’t seem to be physical either, more like company. However she interprets his feelings wrongly. Their relationship is quiet discreet but despite not being official she is starting to get very dependent of this person

Her career seems to go very well, she will have the opportunity to write her own verses, her own songs, or anything related to that creative part of her. She is very happy with how things are right now

Physical Health: there’s definite something wrong with her body and physical health, something related to her bones, the spleen. The bones are also related to her knees, joints and ligaments in general. She has been losing a lot of her lately. Mental Health: She is overall okay but she thinks a lot about the difficulties she had when she was younger

Wonyoung`

Her history is just so complicated and I will try to sum up this. Basically she hasn’t the right to date anyone. There’s someone in the company that does whatever they want of her. Anyway, she is young, she fell in love, she got with someone secretly (non idol). However this higher up threaten this person, so her lover have broken her heart by cheating on her so she would break up (it’s like a whole drama ?). Anyway, things happened recently

Again, this higher up is very present in her life and he is the one giving everything to her. I see a lot of opportunities with her career and things are starting now. She has been destined to be very big and everything in her career path show success

Physical Health: she needs to be careful with her lungs and her breathing system because she has been having some difficulties in that area Mental Health: She is actually stronger than what she looks. It’s clear that she isn’t okay, but she works so much on herself to be a better person

Liz

Liz isn’t in a relationship at the moment but she had an interest on someone who is divorced. However this person won’t give her any opportunity due to their age gape, and simply because this person already has a life and a family set. She is a little disappointed, but it shall pass since she has other crushes.

I see that her career is going well, she knows what she has to do to achieve success, there’s new things coming for her but she needs to be careful how she will handle things in public so it doesn’t backfire to her

Physical Health: X Mental Health: X nothing either only that she has a good intuition at the moment

Leeseo

I didn’t really got anything about her love life, she is single and it shall stay that way at the moment. Leeseo is someone very sure of herself, she isn’t interested to open her heart at the moment and focus on her career only

There’s something that came to her, but Leeseo is still very immature to take care of things herself. She lacks strategy and understanding. I feel like sometimes she regrets being an idol but now she dreams big and she knows she has to work a lt and put order in her career

Physical Health: There’s something wrong going with her sexual system (it could be urinaty problems or her colon) There’s high changes it’s linked with her hormones. Mental Health: she is very vulnerable at the moment, she feels tired

#ive #ive astrology #ive reading #ive tarot #ive headcanons #ive imagines #ive reactions #ive scenarios

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redrobin-detective · 3 years

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Ben 10 lore that exists in my heart regardless of canon

- Ben’s personality in his mid-late teens is a mix of his Alien Force and Omniverse self. On the surface, he’s very cheerful and kind even if he is a bit of arrogant showoff. He makes jokes and plays around and acts as if he isn’t bothered by the things in his life. Those who know him best understand a good portion of his outward confidence and cockiness is just a facade to cover up his insecurities and to project the ideal, effortless hero. While sometimes seen as immature, most beings know Ben 10 means business as he takes his unofficial job and people’s safety very seriously. He’s clever, adaptable, charismatic and empathetic which makes him a formidable opponent and a loyal friend. Doesn’t open up easily but if you get to him, he become so dearly attached.

- Drinks smoothies so much for several reasons. Comfort food go brrr, reminds him of the good easy times with him Gwen and Kev. It’s also a light but generally nutritous food to give him energy for heroing. Anything too heavy and he’ll be puking (both from physical and emotional stress). Though he jokes about his mom’s health foods, his are a crazy concoction of add in proteins and vitamins/minerals bc he knows he’ll out and out collapse without it. (Still has on occasion bc boy still doesn’t eat right/enough)

- While Fame is exciting for him at first he soon begins to detest it. Not the fans, no, he can’t bring himself to hate the people who look up to him. But he hates the constant attention, that he can’t walk outside without being mobbed. the only place he feels safe is his hometown where most people are so used to him and his weirdness that they don’t react much anymore. Takes to wearing a cape and face shield when going out anywhere so he can actually get things done without being recognized and mobbed.

- Part of the reason Bellwood isn’t concerned with Ben is partially because ben’s been weird and alien for as long as they can remember but also many don’t realize how famous/powerful he is. Yeah that’s just Ben Tennyson over there, sometimes he turns into funny creatures- wait what do you MEAN he’s the savior of the universe?? He cried over a spilled smoothie the other day.

- Does mostly online schooling by the time he’s 15. At first he tries to do half day things to maintain something of a normal life but it quickly becomes overwhelming and dangerous him/the school. Finishes his GED early but the Plumbers and Azmuth make him take additional college level and alien courses to prepare him for his future role. Ben gripes but really does love learning all these things, especially on his terms (ADHD and stress + the public school system do not always go hand in hand). He’s a quick learner when he deems the information important and is made accessible to his learning needs.

- Ben definitely has ADHD speaking of which, it was nearly uncontrollable as a child bc his free-spirited parents didn’t believe in medicating. Ben convinced them he needed it and after some trial and error, found meds that worked. As he became more involved in heroics/growing up he had to change his medicine regimen (resulting in him being a bit more off the rails in OV) and needed antidepressants and therapy to manage it better. As an adult he has a whole litany of coping mechanisms (good and bad yes) and regularly checks in with his therapist and doctors to keep things under control.

- Has a complicated relationship with his necrofriggian children. Considers himself their mother and worries after them. They too feel a connection to their parent despite this being unusual for their species. A few visit (some more than others) while they grow while others maintain distance. Ben never breathes a word of them to the media for fear of them being targeted. Still he keeps an eye on them and ensures all 14 mature to adulthood (another rarity for the species). Checks in every now and again with the ones who don’t want to see him and those that do. Two join the Plumbers and Ben is both proud and worried. His youngest becomes partners with Rook Ben.

- Just in general loves kids, they’re his favorite fans and while he’ll grumble at pushy adult fans he always smiles and kneels down for the little ones. Not so secretly wanted to have children of his own but knew it was a risk overall and used a lot of that energy with mentoring and teaching. Eventually had Kenny later in life (late 30s-40s) and was over the moon, becoming such a loving and doing parent or as much as he could be with his hectic schedule.

- Omnitrix can’t come off, never has at any point since it first latched onto Ben’s arm. Azmuth tried and failed to get the device off, doesn’t let Ben know for many years as he feared the consequences. The watch loves and protects Ben even beyond it’s programming making him much more durable to damage and releasing energy charges when he’s threatened. Not even removing Ben’s arm would separate them. They’re stuck for life.

- Ben does have Anodite heritage but the Omnitrix actively suppresses it and uses the built up energy to power the transformations which is why ben is mostly unaffected by what should cause a massive energy drain on him. Theoretically if Ben learned to harness and safely use his Mana at an early age like Gwen he would have been fine but letting it build up without safe outlet meant activation would have killed him. Omnitrix Ben, however, went his whole life not knowing of his latent abilities and how the watch saved his life.

- Ben’s eyes get more green and glowy as time passes from the Omnitrix. At first they think its a trick of the light but by the time he’s an adult his eyes are pretty much glow in the dark. His veins light up too after long stretches of using the Omnitrix. Its vaguely unsettling to people who aren’t used to Ben.

- Max and the Earth Plumbers work so, so hard to keep teen Ben on Earth when half the universe is blowing up their comm lines asking for The Ben 10 to help with whatever problem of the day. Ben himself doesn’t quite understand when he’s younger the prestige and expectations on his shoulders. Max throws up a million and one roadblocks so Ben can live as normal a life as possible while he still can. Still, while doing that he Still overloads Ben with expectations and responsibilities on earth and beyond. He becomes a soldier again with Ben as their greatest weapon. He never forgave himself of losing sight of his grandson underneath the hero esp after Ben’s breakdown.

- Rook partnership with Ben ends not long after Omniverse with his promotion to Magister. Ben tries to play it cool but the thought of another loved one/teammate leaving his tears him apart. Max revealing that Ben most likely wouldn’t get a new Plumber assigned partner since he’s almost an adult and won’t need it and Rook accidentally missing their last smoothie run due to a scheduling mishap causes Ben to snap and have the nervous breakdown that had been building for almost a decade. He completely loses it for a little while and needs to take an extended leave of absence from school and heroics that lasts about a year. Spends time recovering both on Earth and Galvan Prime, does some diplomatic training, learns about aliens, actually confronts the stress and loneliness of his life. He comes out the other side stronger but still fragile and exhausted.

- Ben’s above mentioned breakdown brings him closer to all his friends who didn’t quite realize the extent of Ben’s burden. Rook had been under the impression Ben didn’t like him all that much so the knowledge that his departure was the final straw for friend/hero’s collapse was shocking. Ben and Azmuth also become closer, the Galvan becoming fiercely protective of the boy seeing as his Earth family didn’t do well to keep him safe. It takes years for him to get over his anger at Max for putting so much on his grandchild. Ben makes more friends, in and out of the hero business, finally gets a therapist and gets some of his burdens eased a bit. It’s not a sure fire fix and Ben has several smaller breakdowns the rest of his life but its something.

- Azmuth was straight up suicidal before he met Ben for the first time. Ben gave him back hope for the universe and his ability to create items for peace not weapons. The boy infuriates him, frightens him, frustrates him but Azmuth cannot deny in his heart of hearts that he loves Ben dearly. He’s very upset at Ben’s breakdown and doesn’t know how to handle the worst of the initail outbursts. Azmuth talks Ben down from a suicide attempt. He reaches out to Ben that he Too felt overwhelmed by pressure, thought himself only good for war. Ben’s arrival in his life saved him and now he will do the same for Ben. It’s the first positive step forward in Ben’s recovery.

- For no other reason than I like it, Azmuth primarily refers to Ben as Benjamin (mostly to annoy the kid but he likes the way it sounds too) and Ben in softer, more serious moments.

- Professor Paradox continues to flit in and out of Ben’s life. He says its because Ben is the most equipped to handle universal peril (true) but he’s also just very fond of the boy. Ben, existing in so many forms and having such importance also exists a beat outside of normal reality which Paradox identifies with. Ben is naturally attuned to time related problems because of this (instantly IDing Spanner as from the future before being told later deducing him to be his unborn son). Plus Ben named him, way back when. He’s just drawn to Ben.

- Adult Ben, while being seen as an impressively skilled fighter and champion, really has his strength as a universal diplomat of sorts. Based out of Earth, he helps mediate and defuse conflicts, advocate against tyranny and overall preserve peace and balance. He’s not perfect, he makes mistakes and sometimes is forced to become violent (and yes kill) but overall is regarded as a peacekeeper, something younger ben simply couldn’t understand.

- Gwen gets her degree and primarily does work with advocacy and teaching about magic/alien culture. While she and Ben are still close, there’s a bit of a frustrated divide in that she isn’t helping him share the burden of the universe. Gwen never wanted to be a hero and has enough worth to not shackle herself to a job that’ll burn her out. Ben loves heroing but gives too much of himself away trying to fix everything. They get into screaming arguments that it wouldn’t be so bad out there if she just helped him but she refuses to budge and says he shouldn’t make himself do so much. They always make up and thy still are each other’s closest relationships.

- Ben marries Kai in a political move, Kai is Asexual and Ben Aromantic. They didn’t love each other but they got on well enough and Ben was really feeling the stress of carrying the hero burden so Kai also being involved made him feel like he wasn’t alone. Both were also so tired of the universe constantly asking about their love life and said ‘fuck it we’re married leave us alone’. Gwen was always mad about it feeling Ben deserved better but the two of them were happy with it. They had separate rooms, mostly separate lives but they became strong friends and supports with their strictly platonic marriage. They had Ken via Invitro in an incubator and were loving if extremely busy parents.

- Also from the moment he appeared, Ben knew that Spanner was his future son, Kenny. He played ignorant and then was kind of deliberately teasing him in future encounters. He knew the rules of time and didn’t want to disrupt things further even if he was angry and worried as heck about why Ken felt the need to time travel. When future Ben catches up in the timeline, Kenny gets SUCH a lecture.

- Ben isn’t quite immortal but he’s also not entirely human anymore either. The Omnitrix not only keeps him safe from most harm but it lightens the effect of aging. Ben 10 is active many, many years when most humans would have been forced to retire. He’s not sure how long the watch will keep him alive and it terrifies him. Gwen too is functionally immortal however she ages like a normal human, then when her natural death came, shed her skin and became a fulltime Anodite. So in the end, it was her and Ben together wondering which of them will die first. Gwen has trouble retaining her humanity as pure energy and swears she’ll let herself fizzle out when Ben goes. When that’ll be however...

#Ben 10 #this took sooo long whoops #i wanna write about ben's breakdown so mad you have no idea

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