#Something always brings me back to you
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Good morning to everyone except Sara Bareilles who has me crying real tears this morning listening to “Gravity” on repeat and imagining an Aziracrow edit.
#good omens#aziracrow#crowley#aziraphale#ineffable husbands#something always brings me back to you#it never takes too long
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Stopped watching NCIS after Ellie left
But every once in a while I peek over the fence to see what’s going on
This is one of those times
#the chokehold this show has on me#it’s like a toxic relationship#something always brings me back to you#ncis#tiva hope never dies#tiva#keeping my pulse on the latest happenings
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do the silly thing. if you do not do the silly thing time will pass and it will not be the same silly thing it could have been. it will still be silly, and it will still be yours, but it will not be the same. this is both a blessing and a curse, but so is living; and if you do not do it now when will you? who will? it has to be you, it was always meant for you, waiting for you.
#this is about writing for me but could be about anything (that is not hurtful to urself or others. very important)#that's why it is silly (affectionate) or cringey (affectionate) like u gotta just let yourself go sometimes. you have to do the thing.#even if it is terrible horrible (not what you want) bc at least then it EXISTS. at least it holds space in the universe and it lives outsid#you can let it sit and rot and gather dust but at least then you can go back to it. even if it's horrible there is at LEAST at least -#one kernel of it that you can bring into the next piece. at least one shining pearl of something.#even if it needs work or months in those lil funky rock tumblers for geodes and gemstones and all. even if needs SO much work.#at least it is there!!! and it is yours!!!#it's your call to action if it's something u want w/ all your heart.#or even a piece of it. if it's something you want? well - it's already yours. it always has been.#you just have to take the first step / the first breath / and begin.#scribbles.
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#Taylor Swift#Don’t Blame Me#Reputation#The Eras Tour#Reputation Era#Reputation Stadium Tour#Rep TV#Taylor Nation#Swifties#Miami TS The Eras Tour#Miami Night 1#Getty images#take us to church mother#when she hits the high note#you look like Taylor Swift in this light we’re loving it#I think I’ve seen this film before#I will never change. But I’ll never stay the same either.#Your on your own kid. Yeah you can face this. Your on your own kid. You always have been.#Say you’ll remember me standing in a nice dress.#I once was poison ivy but now I’m your daisy.#Flashback when you met me.#There goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen I had a marvelous time ruining everything.#I can feel the flames on my skin. Crimson red paint on my lips.#So they filled my cell with snakes I regret to say Do you believe me now? I was onto something they all said nothing.#And in the death of her Reputation she felt truly alive.#Who’s afraid of little old me? You should be.#I said remember this moment in the back of my mind the time we stood with our shaking hands the crowds in stands went wild.#I was screaming long live all the magic we made and bring on all the pretenders I’m not afraid. One day we will be remembered.#I said remember this feeling I passed the pictures around of all the years we stood there on the sidelines wishing for right now.#What if I told you I’m the Mastermind?
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Dungeon lord Chilchuck
What would his wish as a dungeon lord be? What would he be like? Headcanons & speculation post for fun. But I’ll start with analytic lead up because that’s always fun for me, though feel free to skip and skim.
When it comes to what Chilchuck’s dungeon lord desires could/would be like we have mainly 3 hints: His nightmare, his succubus and what the winged lion says to him.
Why: — From what we see nightmares are based on the person’s worst fears and insecurities, both Laios’ and Marcille’s nightmare were closely tied to their dungeon lord wishes (Laios’ dream monster being summoned to crush the ghosts of relationships that represented the pressure to fit in and belong, Marcille seeking control over death and aging through magic to avoid loss), the fuel behind their desire/goal if you will. Fear and deep-seated desires are seemingly closely tied, something also supported by Thistle and Mithrun’s reigns as dungeon lords (Thistle proving his worth through fulfilling his given duty + protecting his loved ones, being listened to instead of having to listen, Mithrun escaping rigid two-faced elven society and living in a wonderland where he has no enemies and he’s loved, free from everyone he knew yet propped up by the person symbolizing his brother being chosen over him, the bastard child).
— I’ve talked about the significance I assign to the succubi often by now, but rundown: What we see of each character is all very telling if you care to listen, it shows not only someone’s "ideal form" but what they want from it. Izutsumi’s is familial, offering a hug and comfort, Marcille’s is romantic with a character she knows and loves, offering a kiss on a hand and a connection regardless of how distant it actually is, and Laios’ is platonic, arguable at first but then Laios’ fear of judgement is placated and he is offered the picture perfect friend group that accepts his interest (if you want my full look at Laios’ succubus go here). They take on the most alluring form, most ideal person of their victim, even uncovering deep subconscious desires, so precisely and effectively to the point it leaves victims physically frozen before the object of their desire. Succubi and the demon are themselves tied in lore and it’s easy to see how similar their core skill are. Succubi don’t give a good idea of what a character would wish for on their own but they certainly give hints on what they crave, regardless of how you want to read it.
— Last bit is self-explanatory. To placate Chilchuck and win his compliance over, the monster that reads your soul like an open book offers to give him something specific. But! It’s also important to remember that the lion isn’t offering to fulfill Chilchuck’s dream world wish here, it’s a second prize, because his goal with what he promised Laios is that they’d stay in this world, away from everyone and everything else. Chilchuck wants to get away but is kept back, and it’s here the lion placates him with "hey it’s okay! You can’t do that but I can still give you this! This is enough right? It’ll make everything easier on you".
What each bit says: — Long version in another post. Tldlr: His daughters and family are obviously important to him, and this reinforces that he takes on the role of protector a lot, he’s constantly worried for his party members’ lives and implicitly his family’s. Safety and stability, both economical and otherwise, are his core values and goals, and he berates both others and himself if someone fails on those fronts. Here, there’s the fear of not being enough, of not having been able to protect, and of course of loss.
— Chil’s succubi are obviously sexual, and not only that but agressively and straightforwardly so. It’s not like Marcille’s where there’s personality involved, all they do is give him sultry looks and pretty smiles before jumping on him. His succubi aren’t like Izutsumi’s, always the same exact person and appearance, so it’s not someone but an appealing general idea. The idea of a sexual being he can regard as simply a gorgeous piece of meat and a good time no strings attached. In my interpretation, especially with my reading of Laios’ succubus where even with deep-seated desires negative emotions can be too intense to effectively freeze a victim, I think this doesn’t contradict his character. Relationships have been painful to him in the past, in the succubus scene when his wife gets mentioned his immediate reaction is to yell "Don’t bring her up now!", like with his habit of drinking and as a tallman liking his senses feeling dulled, it’s about not having to feel emotions with how difficult they are to deal with sometimes and just feeling good, or at least not having to think, for a while. If a succubus showcases someone’s ideal connection with an ideal person, then Chilchuck’s is with a pretty person that doesn’t stir any negative memory or drama, someone low stakes and low maintenance that doesn’t require him to manage or talk out feelings because there’s none involved in the first place.
— Once more, wife and family are important! He does long for his family, not only his wife but his daughters, and vice versa. This suggests not only that he wants good relationships with them but that he wants them to be with him, a family life. Far from the cut communication they all more of less have during canon, and perhaps far from their life pre-canon when he worked away from home a significant amount of time. We’ve seen recreations of people by the winged lion before with doppelgangers and monsters (naga), and though he claims he can make satisfying imitations, what we’ve seen is that they base themselves on the best memories of that person, like with Marcille’s dad, or twist behavior to be more pleasant, like Mithrun’s lover (and possibly twist appearances depending on the person’s view of them, but that’s Mithrun analysis). The line does suggest Chilchuck would want his family members as they are in reality and not idealized versions, but the circumstances are chaotic and urgent enough in the scene (and again the lion isn’t fulfilling Chilchuck’s wish but trying to make him content for Laios’) that it could just be the winged lion saying what he needs to to convince him the fastest possible, and like we see with Laios that can crumble to give way to deeper or more complex desires.
On top of that we just have general info on Chil. How does Chilchuck deal w his issues? What does he like to do? He likes alcohol and ignoring his problems. We have to remember there is a split between what someone would consciously wish for and what their soul uncontrollably irrationally craves. As always with Dunmeshi, there’s a narrative of irrational deep-seated desires vs active wants, what you crave vs what you strive for, what you dream of vs what’s actually good for you, the animal vs the human inside you, heart vs mind. Chilchuck craving a harem of hot babes in his fantasies but wanting his family life & wife back again is not mutually exclusive. You may crave becoming a monster and tasting what humans are like a little but still want to save the world & your friends more.
Btw can we adress the irony of him terrified of being the last one alive, of being left by his daughters and wife, of having left and coming back home one day to see everything gone or rampaged, yet not caring about dying of liver failure himself, knowing every time that he enters a dungeon there’s a real risk he may not come out. Die somewhere I can’t see you. I prefer leaving you than being left behind. He’s selfish and shortsighted like that… Chilchuck is selfless in many ways of course, but perhaps also due to his own relationship with his parents, he often undermines the effects he has on others in his relationships, both the good and the bad (he talks himself down about being cowardly and greedy yes, but never hints at his bad health habits, alcoholism and starving himself, may have affected his loved ones, doesn’t question his wife falling into a bad mood the night before she left, and talks about the possibility of dying here and there very casually, though obviously he tries his best to stay alive when it doesn’t concern his health).
Chilchuck king of "Let me just avoid and ignore my problems surely they’ll go away, things might work out and if they don’t well tough luck I’ll survive and I probably deserve it anyways". If I don’t look at it it will dissapear <3 Why care when you can simply not think about it.
You might not understand Mister "my love will stay strong through months of work travel and also 4 years of separation" and Mister "well idk my siblings and me are kinda strangers and my dad is dead but that’s kinda whatever", but typically relationships need some form of maintenance and emotional availability…
The actual headcanons finally
I kinda have 2 routes in mind for dunlord Chil and both of them are centered on "I care too much, i wish things were easy", so first is a lot like his succubi, it’s full on indulging in his guilty pleasures like alcohol and bodies and it’s to keep him in a constant state of thrill and euphoria and distracted, unfeeling about stuff that really matters. "Nothing matters except that I’m enjoying the moment!" vibe. He gets to live a life worthy of Dionysus, with alcohol and women and debauchery and like— never having to think again, never having to feel anything but pleasure again, never have to feel guilty or shitty or angry or sad. He has a harem and gets everything on a silver platter.
Breaking news demon magic-induced rush of euphoria and power still not enough to cure this man of his self-hatred nor his capacity for thought!! But in his case a state of euphoria is what he seeks I think, to kinda mask or replace the Everything Else.
The other is what I think closer to what canon suggests, with what WL implied too with "I’ll make you a new wife and kids like the originals!! 😊", it’s a (spoilers) Wandavision type thing where it’s a slice of life where he’s never at work and always at home and the family eats lunches at the dinner table together and everything and everyone at any moment is just. Happy. No issues. It was all a dream, this is real and everything is fine and your family is perfect and happy. I like to think the timeline would be wonky, his daughters would fluctuate in age, but he’d want to be there for what he missed, would want them to still rely on him and look up to him like when they were young, would like to forget that they’re now independent adults and the distance that grew between Chilchuck and his siblings is happening between them as well. Chil would want doppelgangers of his family imo, at its core just a general wish for a peaceful happy family life with no drama, no need to compromise, a little paradise of unconditional love and no consequences. It’s for sure straightforward, but Chilchuck is a man with straightforward desires…
But see Chilchuck is a greedy man, and he wants it both ways without having to sacrifice anything or expanding any efforts himself. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I think playing with these two opposite directions and mixing and matching is most fun. Him leading a life where he indulges in all his worst habits while still having everything he wants… Him getting to have BOTH his wife and any woman he can imagine up, his life like two sides of a coin he can flip at any moment where he’s partying then he’s at home enjoying the quiet and his toddler daughters playing with toys on the carpet. Christ when you remember it’s all an illusion that’s terrifying, the doppelgangers and succubi from the winged lion playing chilchuck ping pong.
A safe little haven both security-stability wise and emotionally. Gets to have both the relaxing and the thrilling in any dose he wants, mixed or separatedly. What I’d argue he had pre-canon too: Can live it up in taverns away from home, stays away from home for long periods of time, and can come back to home aka the symbol of relaxation and safety whenever he decides to. Something he can leave and come back to at will, an anchor he can trust in (until it’s taken from him and his wife leaves. Or in his worse nightmare people rush in and kill his daughters). The ideal of a house and family to a working man, perhaps…
I think it’s fun to think on wether or not these desires would be interesting at all to the winged lion… In canon he seeks out "rare/complex desires", common simple things like I imagine riches, sex, substances and pleasure would be are boring to him, he’s eaten those so many times already. So perhaps he wouldn’t last long as a dunlord, the WL would want to eat him fully quick, can’t keep him interested or waiting long for a meager meal, too much effort raising the cattle and too low quality meat. By making it more twisted or layered Chil’s desire would become more desirable to the demon, it’s part of what’s fun with the third option to me. But whatever. Has he ever eaten a guy with this much repression and self-sabotage... Like trying to get the meat out of a walnut, enrichment…
Other dunlord Chil takes I’ve seen that are fun and good:
@feelo-fick and @pluvio-floret have a dunlord Chilchuck AU project dubbed "tragedy AU" where Chilchuck is said to be "on vacation", in a weird delirious state, only half-there half of the time… From which he doesn’t want to wake up </3 Quoting Feelo, this is why the vacation thing is only a half-joke cause he is 1) letting all his responsibilities go 2) indulging in himself and 3) "spending time with his family" <- lie but you get what i mean. Additional comments that have me vigorously nodding: because changing is hard why cant things just be okay right now without the effort !!! Life is hard he’s so so tired he just wants to feel good… he just wants life to feel nice and easy for a sec while he can learn to breathe again and lose the stress and trauma he’s accumulated…….. spoiler alert yes !!! in fact a depressed person can suck themselves into their job and lock out the world who wouldve thought !!!
And then Cabinette I know posted about his dunlord take once but I don’t have the link, in which Chil has a lot of nosebleeds because of mana overload which is fun and interesting to think about imo~
In dunmeshi, where characters get underground pockets of the world as their playground disconnected from everything outside and the rest of the world, it’s important to remember to face reality even if it has conflict and people with different views and stances from you, it’s something Chilchuck and Marcille and everyone needed to learn, and the thing with a dungeon lord AU is that you imagine a timeline where he fails to <3
A timeline where his dungeon lord wish is to desire nothing bc hope and want has only ever hurt him would also go so hard. Very universal thing though I suppose.
… And this is why a Chilchuck-centric Coraline AU is really really interesting and fitting and topical— Ok that’ll go in a separate reblog/post at @Fumiku I need to let this end
#Dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#Analysis#dungeon lord chilchuck#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#Wish we could put just parts of a post under a ‘click to read more’ box that scrolls open and closes neatly#Bc 3/4th of the post is just extra explanation for ppl who don’t See The Vision already but like that’s not what i wanted most of the post#to be really gdbdg#Headcanons#You could say the family also represents something he’s built up with how own hands. If he has self-worth issues and thinks he’s a screw-up#in the virtue/honor and likability department especially— his family destroyed/killed also represents the one biggest good thing#he’s done/created crumbling also. Like his wife leaving without a word while he trusted their relationship this can hugely impact#one’s sense of identity and self-worth and what you’re living life for. In his case it’s not too surprising he turned to simple#physical pleasures for comfort and enjoyment. Like with tasting good food having moments feeling good keeps you going#He always focuses on the bad relationships bring and never the good aghhhh#The reverse of Marcille who often idealizes. They both ignore problems in their relationships in opposite ways.#What do you mean why do i bring up marcille. Okay yes this’ll get a marchil Fumiku short brainstorm reblog as well#Chilchuck is so… curse of having feelings and not realizing the extent of them. Underestimating how much you care#It’s either ‘i’m fine who cares’ or falling into the pits of despair and blaming himself n spilling his whole bag no inbetween#Dunmeshi succubus#Fumi rambles#boy that’s what this boils down to i suppose#Family angst “Hey I came back home from work and i’m tired so don’t talk to me about problems or anything k? I’m here to relax smh damn”#< unwilling to admit he has issues he should be working on or that some things are affecting others negatively#Chil you are so enneagram 6w7 <3
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can the mtt commit more crimes that just murder please i know theyre the MURDER time trio but ppppleasse,,,, please,,,,,,
they'd be terrible to be next to on the highway. horror's going 160 mph amd has long past gone over the speed limit. dust's out for BLOOD and by blood i mean your tires. he's somehow sniping those round rubber wheels from the high moving vehicle with the precision of a master fruit ninja player. if your car explodes or flips over in the process that's not his fault. and then to make matters worse for everyone on the highway killer's in the backseat scratching up the doors and windows of your car with a knife everytime horror gets close to another car and oops he accidentally just disfigured your face also did i mention theyre all drunk during this
ok so theyve all got the classic face WHY DONT THEY ABUSE IT!!!! horror gets to do a little paper mache to cover up his head hole and then wearing glasses. killer i dont know what the FUCK he can do to get rid of his perpetual tears but let's just pretend that theyre conveniently gone for now. and then all dust has to do is put down his hood! anyways identity theft is cool. imagine how much they could totally fuck up classic's reputation with this. set up fake tinder profiles and then scam people for their credit card info/free dates (while ordering every expensive thing) and stealing wallets. walking into various grillby's's around the multiverse and telling terrible jokes. like ACTUALLY bad jokes. and then of course just being a huge piece of shit at the bar. god theres so many things they could do pretending to be classic. which one of us is hikaru looking ahh except the only difference between the three is the color of the stains on their clothes (either gray (dust) black (killer) or red. well faded red (horror))
ROBBERY!!!! ROBBERIES PLURAL!!!??? train robbery gas station robbery bank robbery GOVERNMENT robbery (what would you rob the government for?? documents??? idk) anyways. mtt robbing a train except its just a really shitty plan and they dont know jackshit about what theyre doing. killer's taken over the conductor's cabin and now he is booking it. how fast are trains allowed to go idk but the maximum. anyways meanwhile horror's on the tracks fucking up the rails with his strength or whatever (listen i know he's weak but picking and choosing what hcs i believe in is my art) and dust is there to teleport him away before the train crashes into him and turns him into a trolley problem victim. and then of course that shit doesnt fucking work and the train just ends up flipping over and catching on fire or something (killer survives because of course he does he's killer). and then in the end dust just has to flip the entire train over and they just stroll into the part that actually HAS the money
and then they go out and get ice cream. sometimes the murderers need to take a break from murdering and just do NORMAL crime yk???
#dragging this absolutely ancient draft out of the trenches because i've been having a scene in my head that fits this#i mean not REALLY related to this since its not a crime. more like him reckless abandon of life! their own lives! yeah they die#imagining.... trio driving around in the mountains. dust's driving ans horror's in the passenger and killer's in the back seat because he i#and dust just starts speeding up like...... much more than he really should be in the fucking mountains#and killer points it out and now all of a sudden horror is absolutely terrified LMAOOOO trying to get dust to slow down#and then they crash. but if there's no one more determined in the world killer can always load a save and theyre alive again#and dust is STILL speeding when they come back even with the knowledge that they die and horror's still terrified#but dust just tells him to calm down and loosen up a little bit!!! theyll come back afterwards anyways and they dont even die in pain#and after a few more deaths horrors just like. ugh. fine. you know what FINE ILL GO ALONG WITH IT#he says as he starts laughing along with dust because man!! the feeling of looking out at nature right before they die in a blaze of glory#is GREAT!!!! and then you know something something horrordust have trust in killer to bring them back after they all die#something something horror is willing to give up his usual reservations to have fun with the other two#and its so fun afterwards.... because nobody but them gets hurt!!! dust and horror wouldnt wanna hurt anyone after their au lore#and killer has no reason to in this scenario. so it all works out for them!! the only people getting hurt are them and lowkey they deservei#the sans in the au is probably sooo confused as to why the world is reloading even though theres no human doing so 💀 killer you GOOF#theyve probably all died so many times but only they remember it. soooo cute.... only they get to see each other at their weakest 💔💔💔#killer absolutely abuses the save point when theyre all together i just knowww ittttt sooooo well#he wants everything to continue not restart or go back??? ok but everything IS continuous with these two#not like they stay doing one thing over and over anyways so its not really perpetual. anyways dust and horror would get bored along with hi#if they just kept doing the exact same thing over and over trying to find every possible ending. nahhhh#triglycercule this is sooo unhealthy none of them would do this!! ok well they make each other worse who said it was ever gonna be healthy#screw EVERYONE in the violet banquet discord server who indulged me in my trio waltz dancing in a field of flowers at 3 am. brainrot now...#this scene i described in tags totally happened in my trio meet each other fic btw. just that it hasn't gotten to this point at ALL yet 💀💀#tricule rant#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#sans au#utmv
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One of my biggest pet peeves is the assumption that something has to be sad for it to be tragic.
I've always been a big believer of the 'Apollo has an awful love life'/'Apollo is plain unlucky with love' line of thinking but it does bother me that the general reasoning for that statement is given to the concept of 'Apollo is somehow undesireable and thus rejected' (Cassandra/Daphne/Marpessa) or 'his lovers die young and thus their love is unfulfilled' (Cyparissus/Hyacinthus/Coronis). I personally think that's a very unfortunate way of looking at things - not only because it neglects the many perfectly cordial entanglements and affairs Apollo has had, both mortal and divine - but because it presents a very shallow interpretation of the concepts of love and loss and how loss affects people.
Apollo can still grieve lovers that have a long, healthy life. The inherent tragedy of an immortal who knows his lovers and children will die and cannot stop it does not stop being tragic simply because those lovers and children live long, fulfilled lives. The inherent tragedy of loss does not stop being tragic simply because someone knows better than to mourn something that was always going to end.
What is tragic is not that Apollo loves and loses but that loss itself follows him. Apollo does not love with the distance of an immortal, he does not have affairs and then leaves never to listen to their prayers again. He does not have offspring and then abandon them to their trials only to appear when it is time to lead them to their destinies. He raises his young, he protects the mothers of his children, he blesses the households that have his favour and multiplies their flocks that they may never go hungry. He educates his sons, he adorns his daughters and even in wrath he is quick to come to his senses and regret the punishments he doles out.
Apollo loves. And like mortals, there will always be some part of him that wishes to protect the objects of his affections. Apollo, however, is also an emissary of Fate. He knows that the fate of all mortal things is death. He knows that to love a mortal is to accept that eventually he will have to bury them. There is no illusion of forever, there is no fantasy where he fights against the nature of living things and shields his beloveds from death. Apollo loves and because of that love, he also accepts.
And that, while beautiful, is also tragic.
#ginger rambles#ginger chats about greek myths#greek mythology#apollo#Listen man#I think there's something extremely beautiful about Apollo's affairs#Yes I know that Ares also loves and cares for his daughters but this isn't about him#There's just something about the way that Apollo put his all into it every single time#To the point that even when he does know better he still fights because of the strength of his love#The Iliad to me will always be a love story#Yes Achilles' wrath is said to come from his overwhelming feelings towards Patroclus#but what Achilles does has nothing to do with grief or love#By the end of everything Achilles forsook that love which ought to have defined his actions based on what he was saying#and warped it into a weapon meant to satisfy the void left by his loss#Apollo though - I am always taken aback by the sheer weight of his love#towards not only Hektor but towards all of Troy in the Iliad#And how he is very careful to balance that love and all the ways he wishes he could fight against their inevitably end#with his duties as one who is both aware of the impending end and whose position in the war#has put him in opposition with his elders#That delicate balance between a love so powerful that he is willing to take on the full weight of Athena and Hera's wrath#and an understanding that the battle he fights is not for victory but simply because for love's sake#How could you not think of that as beautiful and awesome and so achingly tragic#I feel the same about both Asclepius' and Actaeon's deaths#Apollo loved BOTH of his sons - Asclepius and Aristaeus - so so SO much#He was so incredibly proud of them both and delighted immensely in the both of their victories and talents#And so when Asclepius dies and it is by his own father's hand - I have always found his act of wrath so fascinating#Honestly this could be its own separate post - but the fact that Apollo does not beg Zeus to reconsider or to bring Asclepius back#when Apollo has made cases for lenience on things like that before speaks of a level of understanding from Apollo that Asclepius was always#going to die because of his pushing of the boundary between life and death#so he doesn't bother trying to reason with Zeus or plea his grief - instead going directly to destroying something important to Zeus
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Have you watched the musical "Spiderman: Turn of the dark"?, what is your opinion? (I love musicals, but haven't watched this one, first I want to know if it is good).
Also I would have expected that the one who would get a theatrical musical, would be DP. I bet that if the musical exist in the universe of the boys, Wade would be a little jealous. 🤭🤭
i actually haven't seen this one - i've listened to the entire soundtrack and read synopsises, and know all the lore behind it and it's a point of obsession for me but - all the cams of it are so poor quality that it's completely unwatchable for me. i get too frustrated that i have to just stop watching.
i always ask people the question, you know, if you could time travel to any moment in time, what would it be - and when they turn that question back at me, my answer, at the ready, is that i'd go see spider-man: turn off the dark, on broadway. i'd give anything to see it, honestly. i want one of the spider-man stunt-men to fall on me, so, so bad.
i have read the script, for - you know, some version of it. there was more than one version. i read one of them. and i have to say, i really like it. i think peter's actually really, really hilarious, in his socially inept sort of way. it's very fun. also bonus points for having it canon that flash would fuck a spider, even before spider-man was a thing.
hilarious. also! pretty obvious from the soundtrack but gg is immensely queer coded and honestly it reads as though he just wants to share a condo and adopt a dog with spider-man. you're a queer in tights? IM a queer in tights. lets be queers in tights together. it's so funny how he goes about trying to be peter's bff. most hilarious interaction between a villain and hero ever 10/10
uh-huh. uh-huh. (writes a note in my little gay notepad)
how to make friends 101
#sci speaks#obsessed.#i do make it a point that i need to eat every little bit of spider-man media lore that exists#and the spider-man musical.. god. i want it to come back SO BAD.#i know everyone hated it. but they're wrong. or even if they're right i don't care. bring it back for me exclusively.#does something have to be good? is it not simply enough to have. spider-man in it.#that's where all the recent sony spider-man spinoff movies are going wrong. they are bad. and they ALSO don't have spider-man in them.#if they had spider-man in them i would maybe forgive them for being bad.#except homecoming. not you homecoming.#the mcu movies don't count because they don't have spider-man in them until the third one. nwh. which i forgive.#because two spider-men show up in the last act to make up for all the spider-man-less-ness#sorry i always ramble in the tags. it's a curse.
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I need to talk about Julian's whole thing with Sloan in Extreme Measures cause it does actually make me feel a certain kind of rabid
Extreme Measures is a great episode for the Julian/Miles dynamic and has a lot of great moments with them but I think an underrated element of the episode is how it very plainly shows just how much the Dominion War has changed Julian, and how his morals have shifted into a much greyer area
Julian in this episode is very callous towards Sloan even as he's literally dying. he has no issues violating Sloan's mind, and when Sloan dies, the only reason he actually cares is because the answers and secrets Sloan has will die with him. truly cannot emphasize enough just how deeply Julian fucking hates Sloan, and sheer hatred isnt something we really see all that much from Julian, especially not to the degree he was with Sloan
even with that, though, Julian has never been like that with another patient. Julian doesnt let his personal feelings get in the way of being a doctor, and always treats his patients with the utmost care and his best work. Julian was willing to find a cure for the Jem'Hadar's addiction, simply because they asked for help, even if it meant potentially making them into a much bigger threat than they already were. Julian treated Tain in Camp 371. and, sure, Julian does treat Sloan, but he does so explicitly because Sloan has information they need, not because he has any care for Sloan's life
and I think that- his willingness to violate Sloan's mind to get what they need, and how he didn't particularly care that Sloan died- is a really bleak look at just how much the war has changed Julian and how much it's shifted his moral compass. throughout the war, Julian has been ordered time and time again to compromise his morals. add to that several traumatic events- multiple of which are orchestrated by Sloan- and a slide into deep depression, and it's no wonder he gets to a point where he can do the things he does in this episode
and I dont think it hits him until much later. I think one day, long after the war has ended and theyre still rebuilding everything that was broken, Julian lays awake at night and remembers how bad it got and what he became willing to do, and it makes him sick to his stomach
#star trek: ds9#julian bashir#luther sloan#Luther Sloan's death wasn't painful enough I need to bring him back and kill him again#Julian's hatred for Sloan is so compelling to me#I love when a character who is fundamentally kind and compassionate is driven to consuming hatred and rage#and Sloan does that to Julian in ways I dont think anybody else does#and that hatred is what allows Julian to do what he does#cause when you think about it- violating a dying man's mind- that is. INSANE#and not something you would expect from Julian who has always been so staunch about his morals#the morals he's been asked to compromise. over and over. by the people he looks up to#its so tragically ironic#Sloan wanted Julian to move into greyer areas and he got exactly what he wanted#except in the process it also got him killed#and yeah I think it does haunt Julian later#because Julian is a fundamentally good person#so one day he will have to contend with what he did#what he was willing to do#he's too good of a person to not have to wrestle with this at some point#maybe ill write a fic about it#I think about it often
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i haint watched the dang chibisode and idk if ill actually watch it with sound on sdfjk but i have a hurt feeling about them casually imbuing perry with speech for a one off gag because the idea that he needs to talk to communicate is fake. we had 4 seasons of wacky magic hijinks cartoon where perry never needed verbal speech to communicate. they couldve done this gag at any point in the show but they didn't, and the fact that they didn't felt significant. perry's muteness is such a core part of his character, to me, to the way i conceive of him/write him. i don't wanna overreact to a goofy little side cartoon (even tho i'm doing it anyway) but it's still the characters, and it still upsets me! ok that's it i've said my piece
#ill watch it at some point but despite my silence i have been like obsessively anxious about this cartoon#and pestered my friend to watch it for me sDFJKL#in a month this will have either ruined pnf for me forever or i'll have changed my mind and i like it actually its fine#for now anyway i have tons of comic sketches about perry's muteness that i no longer wanna finish and share...maybe someday but not now#i had a rly great day actually but now im falling asleep in bed tipsy and a little teary over this. cuz i love perry a lot he's#really special to me. i also got that star wars perry shirt in the mail today btw. and. it's such a good pj shirt#but back on topic#it sucks when an aspect of a character that is CORE to your appreciation of them becomes casually disregarded by the writers at some point#like im certainly not ever accepting an interpretation of perry like 'secretly hed really like to be able to talk' because its#never ever been communicated. like the idea that heinz wd prefer if perry was human. its just not in the show. the opposite is true in fact#so im left feeling stupid for caring about something that some writers(inc. dan) felt was unimportant. makes me not wanna continue my art#which sux cuz i like my comic ideas! id love to finish them. i hope i get over this.#i overreact to live-updating media when im fixated on it wh is why i prefer getting into dead fandoms haha#but they keep on bringing them back to life dont they...im never safe#it was funny me trying to explain to my friend why i efel so strongly about this meanwhile hes tried to explain why he feels so strongly ab#ut AYA and my stance on that episode has always just been “cute! its fine” lmao#@ dwampy you guys made the show that follows a specific rhythm and set of rules designed to appeal to obsessive autistic brained people ok#you invited my overreaction. unsheathes katana etc#ok im goint to sleep#meta
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I feel like I need to know more about Todo and Yuki’s relationship as mentor and mentee. Like they seem the same flavor of person which is very different from what gojo and megumi have going on.
But also Yuki is very adoptive “dad” coded in the way geto’s relationship to the twins is very adoptive “mom” coded.
In that Geto seems to take on primarily a caretaker role than a mentor while Yuki is more a trainer and life coach than she is a caretaker. Which is something you don’t really see given to female characters in anime.
Like Todo lives by her words and fights by her example. Everything he knows about jujutsu she taught him and Todo’s a very skilled and violent fighter and that reflects back perfectly on Yuki’s own fighting style. It’s so very anime mentor it’s insane she is just introduced to us as Todo (this absolute menace’s) teacher before anything else. I’ve never actually seen a female anime character be introduced this way.
in contrast to Geto who serves as the caring parent who was tragically taken from the girls violently and too soon and the girls wish to honor him and live how he would have wanted them too despite the ungodly situation they find themselves in. Which is such a stereotypical anime mom trope it’s almost funny. He even fits in with the still very much in love with and still speaks highly of the father that abandoned the family in hopes that the kid will one day understand and forgive them. He is essentially the mom from Full Metal Alchemist.
Gege that fucking deranged cat actually flipped the script on us and it’s so interesting which is why it’s so frustrating how little we actually end up getting off yuki when all her little scenes point to such an interestnn in character.
She is introduced as one half of a crazy dynamic that we never actually get to see put to screen and that’s such a shame. Because Yuki is such a welcome addition to the tropes of female characters we need more female “dads”
#am I making sense#somebody tell me if this makes sense#I’m half asleep writing this#not that there’s anything wrong with those moms but come on#have some pity on those mothers why are y’all always killing em off while the dead best dad gets to#thrive and be powerful?#she’s also still very feminine which is a nice m#her role in the story is just different#I just need more female kickass mentors that are also parental figures I don’t think this is too much to ask#gege when i fucking catch you#that fucking cat giving us amazing female characters and then never using them 😭#he just be spamming maki for real but atleast we get that#throwing thoughts to the void#gege akutami#jjk#justice for yuki and todo’s relationship#jujutsu kaisen#yuki tsukumo#tsukumo yuki#aoi todo#todo aoi#todo jjk#yuki jjk#geto suguru#satsugu#suguru geto#Geto jjk#I don’t even care how but the damn cat needs to bring her back#or give us another flash back or something#just expand on the complete insanity that would have been these two running the streets together
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from here
#this is so fucking important to me#im... so happy about how the manga tackled THIS scene#kingdom hearts#this part of kh3 always felt odd to me tbh#it felt like the writers wanted to do something and just. didnt go all the way#there were ideas and they just didnt fully write them down and put the same amount of effort into them as they did in other places#THIS feels so fucking... emotional. and for what reason?#it's just. sora cares about roxas.#it's just true. he cares about roxas and feels bad about the situation that him and roxas both were put in.#he never found it fair that he got to exist while roxas was told to unalive.#and while the sora writing in khDDD and kh3 definitely told us that#definitely told us that sora DOES NOT like this situation and he would be willing to do anything to bring roxas back#it wasn't this.#this feels like a friend you barely got to know. realising that you had it so rough.#and desperately trying to break down any barriers between you two and grab your wrist#to hold onto you tight and refuse to give up on searching for you and trying to help you out of your darkest places.#sora is so fucking insistent on proving that roxas is not just his nobody.#roxas is roxas.#donald being sorta confused makes complete sense#because he didnt see how roxas fought with every fibre of his being against sora to just try and beat him and prove his right to live#he didnt see sora bearing the weight of roxas' life and feel the betrayals and lies and deception that he barely understood as it was.#to anyone else. roxas probably is just sora's nobody.#sora may very well be the one person who knows that isn't true.
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i see your post about leo being relieved that hes trans because he learned his stripes would go away and i raise you: leo, who spends his entire childhood in fear because donnie told him that he will lose his stripes when he is younger, only for them all to realize hes trans when they dont
Oh…Leo having so much value in his looks and especially his stripes because they’re what make him stand out the most, and in turn it helps solidify himself a role in the team as the “Face Man.” Sure, he absolutely thinks himself good looking with or without the stripes, but his stripes are striking and he knows it, and they mean more to him than just looks anyway. Knowing all this time that his stripes were going to fade and yet still taking on his title and still being as confident as he is - imagine he’d already come to the conclusion that his worth on the team, in his family, was always on a timer.
Then that timer goes away. And he’s left with relief and tells himself that hey, he’d have been just as cool looking without the stripes anyway! But…he’s glad to keep them. Even if his role isn’t quite just “Face Man” anymore, his stripes are a part of him.
And it’s been really scary to think that someday he’d look in the mirror and see a part of himself missing.
#non au ask#Leo values his looks and clearly loves his stripes#but I think as well his stripes make him specifically unique from his brothers#and it’s scary that one of the things he has to offer that’s uniquely him could vanish without his consent#so knowing he’s actually trans and his stripes won’t fade - that’s a relief!!#he’ll stay looking as he is - his stripes are a part of his identity after all#Leo is the only one of the brothers who has anything on his face with no mask#his red stripes absolutely make him stand out#and he likes that - he likes how eyes immediately go to his face#being perceived and acknowledged and just#getting attention - he doesn’t take it lightly#so without the stripes…I wonder if he’d be scared of fading into the background#his persona is already larger than life - would he fall into it harder just so he doesn’t disappear?#and how silly will he feel when it turns out all his worries didn’t matter - that his stripes were there to stay?#how silly would he feel if he’s still scared they’ll fade anyway?#actually this kinda brings me back to a thought I had#about how the turtle aspects of the boys are really interesting#but also potentially really difficult on them#because - yeah they’re turtles#but they’re also half human#so you have to wonder if they’re always comfortable in their own skin#or if sormtimes something that would be natural for a turtle feels WRONG
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ouran high school host club fans, do i have the analysis for you…
im writing a comprehensive, large-scale analysis on the host club members, the anime, and the series as a whole (even diving into the manga)
currently it is sitting at 3k words and i fear im not even close to finishing it yet
my biggest rambling by far…
#i just love ohshc#like ouran holds such a dear place in my heart and i like cannot get enough of it#it’s my comfort anime#my comfort manga#something i can always come back to because it just brings me joy#I DONT CARE WHAT THE HATERS SAY THERES ACTUALLY A LOT OF GOOD THEMES AND DEPTH IN THIS SERIES IF YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND IT#it’s not even hard to find like it’s RIGHT THERE#if you just LISTEN to the characters you can SEE the development of the characters and how they are sooo much more than their stereotype#i can’t be analyzing in the tags i need to save this for the essay omfg#ouran#ouran hshc#ouran high school host club#ouran host club#ohshc#tess yaps
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(plays the butterfly soup 2 epilogue for the 200th time) you know what
#butterfly soup#butterfly soup 2#ppkm#sketchbook#roi draws#um. idk what the caption is about idk what to say. it's them. it's always them.#something something I can't draw kissing etc and so forth#i think it's so funny in the game how the text is like 'noelle YANKS her in by the shirt' but the cg she's just gently caressing akarsha#anyways the dichotomy of those two actions. personally I believe both happened and such is the essence of ppkm#recently forced my friends to play buttsoup one with me and it was SO fun and we are playing buttsoup 2 this weekend I'm so thrilled.#the joy of sharing something that brings you joy. u know. anyways I've been trying to feel a shred of joy and so I am trying to return#so expect . actually do not expect anything from me . but perhaps I will draw them more if I can get situation simulator 5000tm back on
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rdj the (whitewashed) electric boogaloo
This is a reminder to everyone who's excited about RDJ's casting as Doctor Doom that this casting is whitewashing. Victor Von Doom is a Romani character and has been a Romani character since his introduction in the 1960s. (Fantastic Four Annual #2 [1964]) Not only that, but his Roma identity and the persecution he and his family faced due to it is integral to his character, it is what forms his identity. (Books of Doom by Ed Brubaker) Even if on the off chance this casting is meant to not be Victor but instead be some variant of Tony or whomever else becoming Doctor Doom, it is damaging to the character to rob him of that important cultural background. Doctor Doom does not exist without that history. Fans have been pushing hard to cast Doom as a Romani actor for years, especially since the MCU has whitewashed other Romani characters. (Wanda, Pietro, etc) This casting is not a celebration moment, it's fucking heartbreaking that the MCU repeatedly ignores the important and nuanced cultural backstories of characters.
I know I can't change anybody's mind on whether or not you want to be excited about RDJ's return to the MCU. But I do think at the very least you should be mad that the MCU is baiting us all and destroying nuanced and interesting characters for the sake of self-referential easter eggs and nostalgia bait. Because that's what it is. Feel how you'd like to feel about RDJ's return, but personally, this is soul-sucking. I had such a deep love for the MCU as a teenager, it was obviously something incredibly formative to me, especially Tony Stark. This isn't recreating what I fell in love with the MCU for. This is turning a well-planned and artistic storyline of adaptations into cheap cash grabs and fan service. Because, I think we're past the point of being able to call the MCU an adaptation of anything. They can use existing characters' names and powers, but to say they're being properly adapted is laughable.
This is not an adaptation of Doctor Doom. This is RDJ the Electric Boogaloo because Marvel's fear of losing the interest of dedicated MCU fans overrides their willingness to tell stories that are genuine to the characters. I don't know what there is to be excited about that. The MCU has lost its authenticity and aside from a few projects, feels heartless. Every movie is a copy of a copy. This announcement isn't something celebratory, it feels like a death knell of a cinematic universe that's so desperate to cling to relevancy it's resorting to nostalgia for a character/actor who hasn't even been dead for a decade. We're not getting anything new, we're just rinsing and repeating the same song and dance.
I get it. I love Tony Stark, his death destroyed me and I to this day, rue the ending he got in Endgame. It misunderstood his arc and it robbed him of a satisfying conclusion. But the solution to that isn't dragging the corpse out of the grave five years later to whitewash an existing character with rich and interesting nuance, just to forcibly tie his existence in the MCU to Tony. Whether he is a variant or not. Why would you want someone else's fave's legacy to be destroyed simply so your fave's legacy can go on? Hell, if we were really all so hellbent on the return of RDJ and/or Tony to the MCU, we have the multiverse for a reason. There were other ways to do it that didn't whitewash and ruin someone else. This just. Isn't something to be happy about.
#... we will not be addressing that i'm a dead blog#no one say a WORD about my inactivity for 4 years this isn't about that /lh#also if anyone tries to get smart about “romani isn't a race” i don't care and you can shut up.#it's an ethnic and cultural identity. and it should be portrayed correctly.#ESPECIALLY for a character like *victor von doom* of all people. like it is fundamental to him.#i would've included panels of the comics mentioned but most of them use the g-slur and i don't wish to encourage that here#like listen i don't think you need to be a comics fan to be an mcu fan. they're so divorced from each other atp#nor do i think the mcu owes complete comic accuracy. but i do think you should at *least* care when characters are whitewashed.#look. i really don't want this to be a debate on if rdj's return is good or not#i've been frankly baffled at how many old mutuals are excited but. whatever if you want him back i get it.#but it shouldn't be like this. not at the expense of a different character.#this whole thing made me realize i'm *far* more jaded and turned off to the mcu than most of you guys are.#which is fair you can still be an mcu fan. if it brings you joy i'm so happy for you#but how does this like. bring joy i don't get it.#this is soulless. it's uninspired. it's done purely for shock value.#i occasionally get asks to this blog about why i left and asking me to come back#and i get it. i *want* to come back.#but i don't *care* about the mcu anymore. this is not the franchise i fell in love with.#i don't recognize what once meant everything to me.#winteriron will always hold a special place in my heart (as will tony stark)#but like. i just don't have love for it. and it sucks that this bullshit from marvel actively kills the love i had.#this sours tony stark to me. i'm sorry but it does. because was it really worth this? is this what his legacy has become?#this does cheapen his legacy btw. like without question. it turns him into a cheap cameo reference. heart of the mcu my ass.#my fandom circles have *massively* changed#i'm now entirely surrounded by comics fans bc my primary fandom is dc comics. that's what i'm up to these days#and the difference was actually baffling to me. everyone i follow now is *pissed* about this. comics twitter is so mad.#and then i see ppl on here excited and i'm just genuinely surprised this is something you want. i don't get it.#i don't say that to be rude. i just don't get it. how is *this* actually something people *want*.#do i still care about marvel? eh.#i like winter soldier comics and i could give a comprehensive rec list. and i read some other characters i deeply enjoy.
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