#and the spider-man musical.. god. i want it to come back SO BAD.

[sciderman]

Have you watched the musical "Spiderman: Turn of the dark"?, what is your opinion? (I love musicals, but haven't watched this one, first I want to know if it is good).

Also I would have expected that the one who would get a theatrical musical, would be DP. I bet that if the musical exist in the universe of the boys, Wade would be a little jealous. 🤭🤭

i actually haven't seen this one - i've listened to the entire soundtrack and read synopsises, and know all the lore behind it and it's a point of obsession for me but - all the cams of it are so poor quality that it's completely unwatchable for me. i get too frustrated that i have to just stop watching.

i always ask people the question, you know, if you could time travel to any moment in time, what would it be - and when they turn that question back at me, my answer, at the ready, is that i'd go see spider-man: turn off the dark, on broadway. i'd give anything to see it, honestly. i want one of the spider-man stunt-men to fall on me, so, so bad.

i have read the script, for - you know, some version of it. there was more than one version. i read one of them. and i have to say, i really like it. i think peter's actually really, really hilarious, in his socially inept sort of way. it's very fun. also bonus points for having it canon that flash would fuck a spider, even before spider-man was a thing.

hilarious. also! pretty obvious from the soundtrack but gg is immensely queer coded and honestly it reads as though he just wants to share a condo and adopt a dog with spider-man. you're a queer in tights? IM a queer in tights. lets be queers in tights together. it's so funny how he goes about trying to be peter's bff. most hilarious interaction between a villain and hero ever 10/10

uh-huh. uh-huh. (writes a note in my little gay notepad)

how to make friends 101

[madxyy]

Selfish

| pairing : peter x reader

| summary: your boyfriend comes home injured--as usual--late at night and you can't help but want him safe from his life as spider-man

| warnings: fluff, touching wrists (sigh, again), y/n used once, baby used, peter being cute and angsty as usual, reader also being cute, light angst

author's note: i am trying to write angst so bare with me lol

2 am. 

It’s always when you hear that faint knock on your window that makes all your worries wash away in a split second. But not today, no, today was different. You were waiting all night to hear that thud on the firescape or the cries of the window seal being opened. All night you were absorbed in your own anxieties and worries. Your hopes were dreading as time went by. You were getting scared for the local crime fighting hero and you did everything in your power to take your mind off it.

You really did. 

Drawing, watching tv, listening to music, cleaning the room—which was a bad idea as it just bought you a reminder of the boy who has your heart. You would stumble upon Peter's belongings that were scattered around your shared apartment like confetti: his engineering notes, his sweaters, his latest sketch of a brilliant idea he had to improve his spider-man suit. It only made your heart ache even more, longing for his presence and increasing your worries for your vigilante boyfriend. So you would take another route and try binge-watching a new season of a recent tv show you are watching, which would likely just be collecting dust in the column of ‘continue watching.’

Your mind keeps on going back to him. ‘He’s okay. He’s okay.’ You thought to yourself. ‘He’s coming back to me. He’ll be alright. He’s probably on his way right now. It’s just going to be a scratch, hopefully. He's going to be okay, right? Oh god. Oh god.’ 

As much as you love and adore that your boyfriend is helping the city and its people by saving anyone from another lab experiment gone wrong or from a dangling car that’s about to fall off a bridge, you can't help but wonder if he would ever take care of himself. It’s hard seeing him everytime he comes through your window with a new bruise on his keen jawline, a wound on his ribs, a scar on his hip. You couldn’t deal with it anymore. You wish he stopped just for his own safety. You know it’s selfish but is it so wrong to want him safe? Just the thought of turning on the news and seeing J. Jameson reporting: “Breaking News: Our local friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man reported dead by …” 

You want him back with you already, his arms wrapped around you, drowning you into his warm embrace, so distinctly Peter, while he whispers soft and reassuring words that always mend your heart. You long to hear his random facts about science, see his lopsided smile that always welcomes you back into reality whenever you wake up next to him each morning. You yearn for his contagious laugh that makes your heart throb in delight over the euphonious sound. You want to smile at the tics he does when he gets nervous or the way he avoids eye contact and scratches the back of his neck when he is stuck in an awkward situation. You want him to be back so you can smooch the newly embedded scars that are planted all over his body which you love kissing away everyday when he wakes up. You want to see his dimples that adorn his face when he smiles wide enough because he finally got his web shooters to work, followed by a triumph fist bump to the air. You want to see his eyes, oh his eyes: brown, soft, autumnal, brimming with love and warmth, despite the grief and cruelty he has been absorbed in. His scent, a mix of cedarwood and asphalt (due to his high-flying urban adventures). You want to see the way his hair sticks up in the morning whilst the sun gives it a mixture of honey and bronze aura, running your hands through the mused up tufts of hair, which always leads to the corners of his eyes crinkling up as a sleepy, boyish smile tugs up on his rosy lips. 

Selfish. You can’t help it. 

You waited as long as you could; staring at your window for who knows how long. Your eyes were trained on the window for a good while, but you couldn't help it, all this anxiety finally got to you and you were feeling drained and your posture slumps with exhaustion. Your eyes burn from keeping them open, and soon those same eyes start to slowly droop. Blinking back sleepiness proved futile; your head eventually settled onto the cool silk of your pillow. The material greets your cheek, making it easier for you to be welcomed into slumber. 

It was 4 am, yet your worries haven’t gone down at all. Your eyelids started to grow heavier, and darkness gradually enveloped your senses, until you heard a faint knock on your window, piercing the silence. 

Your heart leapt, and you twisted towards the sound. In an instant, sleep was gone.

Not even a second later you heard your window opening—mm the sound of the cries. Your tired, red eyes snapped open. You were met with a disheveled and drained Peter Parker. His hair sticking to the nape of his neck and forehead, sweat giving him a post-shower appearance. A large laceration marred his chest. Oh. Your stomach dropped, eyes widened with horror at the sight of the injury. It looked like he was scratched -- no, clawed by someone or something. With quick motion, you quickly peel away the sheets, disentangling yourself from its soft embrace, and quickly hurrying to his side.

“Peter” you gasped softly. A hand settles onto his latex-clad one, the other arm wrapping around his waist to support him as you guide both him towards your bed, placing him where you had lain just seconds before. “It’s not that bad, don’t worry about it, seriously, I mean you should see the o-” Peter quickly swallows his words upon seeing your stern glare. He slumps his head downwards as he sighs in defeat. 

You sigh, telling him quietly that you'll be back soon. You left him for a few moments before coming back with a wet rag. Gently, you tug at the suit, trying to cautiously take it off him without aggravating his wounds. Soon, you were met with his bare torso, which is marked with a huge claw mark. You mentally steel yourself before starting to lightly clean around the injury, dabbing the wet rag gently onto his toned chest as you avoid his eyes. It’s not like you were trying to make him feel bad, but you were also trying to cope with the situation. You don’t know if you were mad, relieved, sad, maybe all of the above? Uncertain emotions swirl within you, but one fact anchors your turbulent thoughts: he is here, safe, and alive. That's what truly matters.

Peter seems to catch your avoided gaze, he studies you for a few minutes. Biting the inside of his cheek as he purses his lips to the side, trying to figure out how to approach this situation. He takes in your furrowed eyebrows, the way you’re also biting the inside of your cheek as you put all your strength into avoiding his worried amber eyes. He knew the consequences of inviting someone into his dangerous life, it wasn’t exactly a warm and inviting embrace, nor was it appealing, but what he didn’t fully grasp is how it truly hurts you, in more ways than one.  “Y/N…” he whispered, rough hands that have been through so much and experienced so much, reaching for the comfort of your skin but you gently dodge his touch, leading to a sudden twinge of anguish in his heart. You give him a slight smile to distinguish any suspicion – I mean, you weren’t doing a good job at it – before you continued cleaning the dirt away from his injury. Peter’s eyebrows furrow while his lips start to droop downwards, a frown laid upon his lips at the rejection. 

Biting the inside of your cheek harder to stop the tears from flowing down the curve of your cheekbones. You keep on wiping his cuts clean, overs and overs again, getting flashbacks of his visits from the last time you had to patch him up. Blurred vision starts taking over your eyesight and all you can think about is his pain, what he goes through, his blood, the thought of losing him, life without him, the many ‘what ifs.’ The many times he almost visited death's door. You couldn’t keep it in anymore, it was like a burning sensation bubbling in the back of your throat, the sadness was too hard to keep buried down now. You started shaking and before you knew it your sobs filled the walls and all your fears were coming out of you in the form of a liquid pea that contained so much. As soon as the warm liquid left a path down the curve of your cheeks, peter panicked and rose to action just like the hero he is—your hero. 

Quickly sitting up and fixing his posture, which made him wince slightly from the injuries but he pushed through, his mind set on you and only you. He wipes the tear away with the pad of his thumb and takes the wet rag away from your slightly shaky grip; gently putting it on your nightstand before he lightly reaches both of his hands out and holds onto your wrists.

“I can't” You choke out a sob. 

“Hey shh it’s okay baby, what’s wrong? You can’t, what? Tell me,” He coos. 

He hunches down, trying to find those eyes of yours that he swears are otherworldly, but you just can’t. You can’t see him like this. Hurt. In pain. Suffering. It pains you that he is in this much pain -- you can’t. “Peter I just… ” he gently takes your face in his hand, caressing your cheekbones with his thumbs that are growing wet from your moist cheeks. His heart hurts from the sight of you crying, it conjures a deep-seated throb of pain in his eyes. “Look at me,” he whispers softly, gently nudging your head up with his right hand that is slowly descending down to grasp your chin as if you were a treasure, in a way you are, to peter you are his treasure, the main reason he even gets up or even tries, you are his rock, the only thing that makes sense in his life, and god does he love you, he loves you so much that his heart hurts. A quiet sigh escapes you, it sounds defeated. “Please,” He pleaded oh-so-gently, his gaze unwavering but patient. You sniffle before swallowing down a ball of saliva forming in your throat. As soon as you look up you are met with a pair of almond-shaped umber eyes that are filled with the utmost care, worry, and a hint of guilt. 

“Talk to me..” he whispers desperately, his heart crushing at the pain you are experiencing, he just wants to take it all away with his soft whispers but he knows they will be in vain. Shakingly exhaling “I can’t,” you frantically shake your head. “Please baby…” A few silent beats pass before you finally look back up to find those amber eyes looking back at you with nothing but worry and sincerity. 

You take a deep breath before swallowing deeply ”Peter...I just…” another beat passes. You take a sharp deep breath. “I just really wish you would take more care of yourself, I...I know you love saving people and fighting crime and trust me I love you deeply for that but you come home everyday with a new wound that’s even deadlier than the last one,” You pause, licking your salty lips. “aren’t you worried that maybe those people that you save won’t have anyone to save them if they’re local neighborhood spider-man won’t be there to save them anymore..?” You ask him, almost in a plea. Peter bites the inside of his cheek, thinking over your words with a solemn expression forming on his face that are littered in small cuts from his last escapades. He diverts his gaze to the floor and the room is quickly overcome with silence as he takes in your words, letting the heaviness of your words sink in.

The silence fills the room, it lets you both engulf into your own thoughts. Peter knew what it meant when he finally told you he was the unmasked superhero. He remembers spilling his deadly secret on a rooftop late at night, where you both were admiring the stars, laying on a blanket and talking about anything and everything. He remembers looking over at you and admiring the way the moon was cascading down on you, making you look even more angelic and completely ethereal. 

Peter looks at you hurt and guilty and god do you hate that. Both of you guys shared a gaze that held so much that it made the room feel denser as the distant sounds of ambulances filtered through the slightly open window. A breeze wafts in, brushes against you both, causing small goosebumps to prick up on your skin. Peter grew to learn from his past relationships and the impact it had on his partner knowing he was Spider-Man, which is why it hurts him to know he is the one making you feel like this. A calloused hand slowly creeps up, gently grasping your cheek with the utmost care, as if you were made of glass and he was scared of causing further harm. “I know, I know,” He murmurs, his voice breaking while his toughened fingers absentmindedly traces the curve of your cheek. “It’s just so hard to stop when I know I can make a difference.” 

You swallow the lump in your throat as his words sink in. Your heart breaks knowing how much his words are true and the scary reality that he won’t stop until crime is put to bed and everyone can roam around the streets freely. You shook your head, one hand gently grasping his wrist. “But at what price, Pete?” you ask ever-so-softly like the question itself was forbidden territory. Those eyes that he loves so deeply, look up into his eyes and it causes a gnawing feeling in his chest, almost making him wince from how hurt you look, how scared you look. Peter bites the inside of his cheek a bit harder while furrowing his brows, trying to think of what to tell you because he himself doesn’t know.

He takes a shaky breath, adjusting the grip on your face and slowly pulling your head a bit closer until both of your foreheads are resting against one another, a silent plea for understanding in his eyes. The brush of skin itself was tender-filled, telling a millions of words with just one movement. “I am just sick of all the crimes happening here and the cops not even doing anything about it.” Peter whispered, his voice a low blend of anger and helplessness. You could feel the raggedness of his breath, each exhale a testament to the battles he fought alone in the shadows of the city. The close proximity allowed you to see the subtle tension in his jaw, the way his eyes shuttered as if bracing against a storm of inner conflict. “Peter, I know you care – it’s one of the things I love about you,” you respond gently, reaching up to smooth a stray lock of hair from his clammy forehead. “But you can’t carry this burden alone. It’s too much for one person, even for Spider-Man.” Your voice was a soothing whisper, trying to pierce the armor of duty he wore so steadfastly.  

Peter simply nodded, the weight of the world momentarily lightened by your understanding. You saw the fortress around his heart crumbling, if only just a bit. His eyes, usually so vibrant and full of life, now shimmered with unshed tears, reflecting the constant battle between his duty and his love for you.

“I’m sorry…” Peter’s voice broke through the silence, each word heavy with remorse. He leans forwards, delicately kissing your forehead which grounds you and makes you close your eyes momentarily as you cherish the soft kiss that eases your heart just a bit. “I am sorry for not fully understanding what you are going through. I am so, so sorry,” He whispers into the dark night, the words flowing into the air as gently as ever. A few beats of silence pass while you take in his words. It gave your weary heart time to mend. Peter leaned back slightly so he could get a better look at you, his gaze locked with yours, conveying a depth of sincerity and vulnerability. “I’m truly, deeply, sorry” He whispers once more before he starts to softly press kisses underneath where your ear and jaw meet, your cheeks, forehead, nose, the wrinkles in the middle of your eyebrows, smoothing them out with the pad of his thumb, and finally kissing your lips, so delicately, it makes you want to cry even more. 

The kiss was so deliberate, it was a bundle of promises that his lips sealed to keep, an abundance of love, tenderness, deep affection and care that runs so deeply into his veins that it affects his touches and kisses, he can’t help but pour it all into the kiss, he just wanted you to know how sorry he is. He wanted you to know that he never meant to hurt you, whether it was indirect or direct. It makes your heart flutter and reassures your timid heart. Slowly one hand moves to cup the left side of your face as his other hand descends down towards the side of your neck as peter tastes the saline on your moist-tear lips, but even that doesn’t stop him from pressing gentle kisses against your lips, it only fuels his love, turning the kisses even more tender. Each kiss conveys a message of “I’m sorry, I love you, please know I love you.” You can taste the metallic on his lips as your lips were caressing his back as equally gently and lovingly, your kisses filled with a message of “It’s okay, I love you.” 

Peter slowly pulls back from the kiss, his mouth hovers over yours, his breath fanning over your lips, noses rubbing against each other in the tenderest manner ever. Both of your eyes were still closed, taking in everything, cherishing one another. His right hand moving back up to cradle your face, both hands cradling your cheeks and caressing them with the pad of his thumbs in a feather-like caress. You nuzzle your cheek against his right hand, feeling the rough and calloused palm that you grew to admire and adore. It always provided you with such care and comfort, always caressing or reaching out to gently touch you. Both of your hands now encircled around his wrist, caressing the inside of it so softly that it makes Peter almost melt.

Slowly, Peter opens his eyes. His amber gaze held nothing but love and the utmost care. Shortly after he opened his eyes, your eyes opened as well. Both of you search each other’s eyes as a white noise of admiration passes you both. After a moment of silent communion, the air between you both thickens with unspoken words and shared feelings, Peter finally speaks, his voice a soft murmur against the quiet room. “I can’t promise there won’t be more nights like this,” he says, his honesty laying bare the truth of both of your lives entwined with danger and uncertainty. “But I promise you, no matter how many crazy guys in suits I have to fight, I’ll always do my best to come back… to this, to us.”

This promise, simple yet profound, strikes a chord within you. It’s not a heroic declaration from Spider-Man, but a heartfelt vow from Peter Parker, the boy behind the mask, the one you fell in love with. His words acknowledge the reality of his life—danger is part of the package, yet he’s equally committed to your shared life, to you, and he isn’t going anywhere.

You feel a surge of mixed emotions: fear for the dangers he faces, gratitude for his honesty, and love for the person he is. “And I’ll be here,” you say, matching his tone with a blend of seriousness and affection, “not just to patch you up and be your personal nurse, but to love you.” The corners of his lips quirk up, his eyes twinkling with love as he takes in your words. He leans in, pressing a soft, lingering kiss on your forehead, a silent vow of his commitment. “Thank you,” he whispers, gratitude resonating in his voice, “for everything.”

“Of course,” You whispered. 

The two of you stay like that, embraced in the warmth of your love for one another, finding comfort in the silence that now speaks volumes. The world outside, with its chaos and challenges, seems momentarily distant as you both cherish this safe haven of understanding and love you’ve created together.

[the-prettiest-teardrop]

Mike Schmidt HCs

Pairing- Mike Schmidt x Artist!Reader

Warnings- Spiders, nightmares, panic attacks, Mike worries he isn’t good enough, tooth rotting fluff.

A/N- Thank you guys so much for supporting me! I’ve posted so many headcanons, so sorry about that.

———

𖡎 The only reason he was able to stay awake during his shift was because he knew he had you to come home to.

𖡎 He would cuddle into your chest, humming in contentment when you played with his hair.

𖡎 Whenever he had the day off, you guys would order pizza and cuddle down on the couch to watch a movie with Abby.

𖡎 If he came in the room while you were sketching, he’d peek over your shoulder to see what you were doing.

𖡎 He loves watching you teach Abby how to draw, he thinks it’s sweet how close you two are.

𖡎 Begs for you to use him instead of pinterest references or whatever else you use.

𖡎 “Baby, I don’t understand why you are looking for photos of other people to draw when you could just draw me.”

𖡎 He actually gets worried if you don’t call him a pet name.

𖡎 “Mike? What? What happened to ‘baby’? Are you mad?”

𖡎 Comes up behind your, arms around your waists to whisper shyly in your ear.

𖡎 “D’you think you could teach me a few things, so I can connect with Abby?”

𖡎 You guys watch Coraline, The Corpse Bride, Nightmare Before Christmas, etc.

𖡎 Abby’s favorite movie is Coraline, even if it terrifies Mike.

𖡎 He’s a little worried, but calms down a bit when you tell him it’s your favorite movie.

𖡎 It can’t be bad for her if it’s your favorite, he can’t find anything wrong about you.

𖡎 You’re his savior, he practically worships you, and honestly, if he thought there was a god, he thinks it would be you.

𖡎 He doesn’t want to get up in the mornings, so you have to coax him out of bed with kisses and cuddles.

𖡎 This man will not shower without you, and that’s that.

𖡎 Totally will ask you if you took your meds before you leave the house, he doesn’t want you to have to go without them.

𖡎 He sleeps better with you there, when you hold him, he feels safe enough to get sleep.

𖡎 If he does have a nightmare though, you guys will go sit near a window and watch the stars until he’s calmed down enough to get back to sleep.

𖡎 And if you struggle with nightmares or get panic attacks at night, he’s getting you water and holding you until you’re okay.

𖡎 He never wants to see you upset. 

𖡎 If you have a rough day at work, he puts on music after Abby is in bed and makes you slow dance in the kitchen with him. 

𖡎 He secretly loves Rom-Coms, and makes you watch them with him, no matter how awful they are.

𖡎 Back with the spider headcannon, so beware.

𖡎 This man is terrified of spiders, but is also too scared to squish them and feels bad killing them, so he makes you take them outside.

𖡎 Whenever you two are walking somewhere together, he has one arm around your waist.

𖡎 All I can think about is forcing him to do face masks with you.

𖡎 He kinda hates it, but you have fun and that’s all that matters.

𖡎 Sometimes you have to remind him how good he’s doing, when he sees all the people he knew in high school getting married, getting fancy jobs, he feels like he’s not enough.

𖡎 “I just- you could have better.”

𖡎 It took a while to get him to be able to celebrate his accomplishments without feeling guilty.

𖡎 He doesn’t take you out on many dates, but does sweet things at home.

𖡎 Sometimes he’ll try his best to make cookies, or he’ll make you coffee in the mornings.

𖡎 He’s really just a sweet guy, who wants to make you happy at the end of the day.

𖡎 He actually gets worried if you don’t call him a pet name.

𖡎 “Mike? What? What happened to ‘baby’? Are you mad?”

𖡎 Comes up behind your, arms around your waists to whisper shyly in your ear.

𖡎 “D’you think you could teach me a few things, so I can connect with Abby?”

[thegrimreaper-probably]

plz more of gravity falls x plant monster user, maybe include some weird cult that worships user like a god? a name for user like "Venus" from the venus flytrap, or Primula, it comes from the Latin word for Daisy, or straight up Audrey the second, lil reference to the little shop of horrors, and it makes reference for how mabel placed a sticker on their pot? user getting accidentally sold to a random kid (guess who sold them) and maybe...user learning to swear by (guess who again) but PLEASE, I NEED MOREEEEEEEEE

Gravity falls x plant monster reader part three

Mainly your relationship with Stanley

(Don’t need to read all of them to understand) Gender is once again not a concept for alien plant. It/they/she/he

Imma be so honest I wrote an entire thing, hated it and everything I tried made it worse. So I scrapped it and now it’s late, my bad.

This is set in the past, so before the twins. During and after the portal.

A lot and I mean a lot has happened in the last month. First Ford and FiddleFord, broke up. As lab partners, not as boyfriends. I may be an evil plant from outer space but cheating is wrong, eating people isn’t. Those two were as queer as Orin Scrivello D.D.S. was addicted to laughing gas.

Now Ford is going crazy, or Bill is? It’s rather complicated. Ford shut down the portal, something about how Bill wanted world domination. I could’ve told you that, I mean why else would I be here if world domination wasn’t possible with these two? Anyways currently Bill or more accurately Bill possessing Ford is punching the door to the basement.

“Does he remember any of this?” Bill stops and turns to me.

“Not a single memory, why? You got something Twoey?” Where did Twoey come from? Bill refuses to use the name Ford gave me.

“You let me in on world domination, I let you in downstairs.” He blinks, similar to a frog.

“Just gotta feed me so I can slip under the gap.” My vine points to the bottom of the door.

“I got plans for you, Sixer will give up soon.” And that was the second to last time I saw him. After that he possessed Ford and brought me along. I’m deeply traumatized seeing a shirtless Ford rolling around and eating spiders. I didn’t need to see any of that or be apart of a tramp stamp tattoo session.

Ford had gone crazy and I was well, mainly hungry but I guess…lonely. There was no FiddleFord to scare, no more experiment to see what I could do, no more music around, and no Ford to learn from. Bill wasn’t any better, that man was acting like a teenager going through a break up.

And eventually things happened, Stanley, Ford’s twin brother, had came to the house. You know the rest, and I ain’t gonna talk about it.

“Mullet!” Stan drops his beer on the ground, it shatters on the floor. He looks up at me and pauses.

“You- you can talk?”

“You see anyone else here? No? Then yes I can talk, do much more then talkin’ tell ya that much. This?” I move my vine to point at the window. “Sunlight, it ain’t enough, I need food. So either you feed me or I feed on you.”

“How much did I drink?”

“If I didn’t need ya I’d drain ya dry. Go grab that book got the number 1 on it. Got it or do I gotta dumb it down for you mullet boy?” He nods and turns to leave then pauses.

“I’m doing this for Ford, not you.” Stan leaves and that was the start of mullet boy’s identity theft of Stanford Pines. It was mainly just him questioning his own or his brother’s life choices, coupled with drinking, smoking, and crime.

There were moments where he’d bring me downstairs and it wasn’t so lonely.

“None of this makes senses, what is wrong with-.”

“It stands for e.” I point to the symbol.

“You know the rest?”

“You find e you find the rest easy.”

Or

“I just got him back, I can’t lose him again.”

I don’t answer for a bit I move my vines, like how Ford would fidget with his own. “He was already lost, a long time ago.“

“I could’ve help him if he just-.”

“You couldn’t.”

“Why didn’t he just call me before this?”

“You know the answer, you just refuse to accept that, that’s the answer. It’s not satisfying, human rarely are.”

Others where I learned more about English, one of the many human languages.

“Son of a bitch, what the hell?!” Stan yelled when I first nipped him.

“These shitheads don’t know anything about marriage, it’s a scam.” Stan says as the tv plays some awful movie.

“Where the fuck is it?” Stans asks as he looks for a wrench. And much more as life went on, with many other stories to go along with them.

Was a few times where he’d fall asleep and I could easily drain him. I didn’t though, as stupid as it was, Stan was my key to opening that portal again…for world domination of course. Over the years he became more of a con man and the house became a tourist trap. While he would still work on the portal, the basement wasn’t a room I could survive in. So I got put upstairs in the window.

Where I met little tiny Soos, now my hatred for kids and human kind was very much strong. This kid was cute enough to eat, not that I’m picky. Soos had soon started to work at the shack, where I tried to eat him.

“Mr. Pines? I fixed the-.” I go to eat him and Stan throws his cane at me.

“There was a- uh- bug. Go back to work I ain’t paying ya to talk.”

“Okay Mr. Pines!” Soos walks off and Stan looks back at me. I smile and a customer walks in.

“Can I buy that?” The man points to me, Stan smirks and hands me over.

“$500. New species, called Spatium Praereptor.” 500?! What am I? A Monstera Deliciosa?

“Fine.” He hands Stan the money and Stan gives him me. I move my vines around to look like I’m sticking a middle finger up. He does it back and the guy puts me in his car.

Come to find out I was joining a cult. Cult? Religion? Who cares? Only downside was I was not being praised but killed by some stupid blind eyes meatheads. Sometime between eating people and throwing them Stan somehow found me and brought me back. Stan was reckless, irresponsible, a con man, gross, and a loser.

Though he was my friend, and I will still have world domination even if I care for two humans. Just cause I like two people doesn’t mean I’m soft. Shut up.

[iluvangel]

🖇·˚ ༘ ┊͙[Cleaning with the Akatsuki] ! ˊˎ PT 2

{Akatsuki x reader}

FT - HIDAN, KONAN, OBITO

❥๑━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━๑❥

𝑯𝑰𝑫𝑨𝑵🩸:

⭑ wouldn’t like to clean for shit (he would secretly love sweeping) “im an immortal god why would I want to clean?” If you ask enough of course he’d help you but it would be you doing majority of the work

⭑ out of everything he doesn’t like about cleaning, he would hate doing the dishes. No matter how much you ask he would refuse

⭑ it wouldn’t be a bad habit per say he would just always try to convince you that the cleaning can be done a different day and time would be better spent doing something else together

⭑ if this man were real he would LOVE slipknot. Music would be the only thing that keeps him “cleaning” his loud singing would last up till the last minute of each song. He would allow you to play your music if you ask but he would be the type to take your phone and skip through all the songs till he finds one that peaks his interest

⭑ after he finishes with his half ass part of the cleaning whether your done or not he would rip you out of the room the two of you are in and practically throw you onto the bed “im ready for a nap that wore me out” (he was “cleaning” for like 10 minutes)

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𝑲𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑵 🗒️ :

⭑ she wouldn’t mind cleaning but she would never initiate it. Her favorite thing to would be the yard, whether is summer, or the middle of winter. She would enjoy raking leafs, pulling weeds, or even shoveling snow. But yard work in the summer would be her favorite

⭑ she would hate taking out the trash, the smell of it and the warmth and smell of the garbage outside would gross her out

⭑ her bad habit would be watching all of the insects move around, she would watch every butterfly land and leave, along with the ladybugs. She would watch all of the ants and spiders come up from under the dirt

⭑ she would enjoy music in the background, she wouldn’t need it but it’s nice to have it. She would enjoy listening to you hum and sing the lyrics so she would try her best to join along even when she doesn’t know the song

⭑ “let’s go for a walk” even if you both are sweaty to the point your shining like a diamond, she would always insist on going on a walk after. It wouldn’t have to be a long one, just a simple back and forth. When you both return “I’ll run some cold water for a bath, then we should make food and read”

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𝑶𝑩𝑰𝑻𝑶 🎭 :

⭑ would love doing Laundry, the warmth of them when there fresh from the dryer would be one of his favorite feelings

⭑ he wouldn’t like any other part of cleaning tho. He wouldn’t like the feeling of anything touching his hands (like when ur washing dishes and there’s something oily he would hate it)

⭑ his bad habit would be dozing while folding the fresh clothes

⭑ I don’t think he would mind listening to music while doing laundry but I think he would prefer to watch movies/shows they would keep him more entertained and it would most likely help him stay sitting instead of getting up and wandering off to do other random things

⭑ he would always insist you both go cuddle in bed together after everything is put away. Since the warmth of the clothes is no longer there he wants something else, thus you, him, a blanket, and whatever movie you two want to watch

❥๑━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━๑❥

Click here for 🎀part 1🎀

[marvelobsessed134]

Halloween party shenanigans

Pairings: Early 2000s!Tommy Lee x Fem!reader

Warnings: drinking, drunk reader and her shenanigans,Tommy punches a guy for hitting on you cause I think it’s hot, age gap, reader has an Elvis obsession because yes.

Summary: you go to a Halloween party with your boyfriend

You’re dressed as none other than Priscilla Presley this year because your obsession with Elvis is ever growing and your love for his wife was growing too. You love her hair especially. So you have a black wig with the giant beehive. You’re wearing a shorter version of her wedding dress with a veil on top of your head. Her iconic makeup adorning your face.

You walked down the tile stairs to the foyer where your boyfriend was waiting. He was dressed as spiderman, ever the kid at heart. Especially after the new Spider-Man movie with Tobey Maguire came out.

The drummer heard your heels clacking and looked up to see you walking gracefully down the stairs. “Holy fuck, babe. You look beautiful.” Tommy had nothing but love and adoration in his eyes.

You giggled, “Thank you. You don’t look to bad yourself.”

“Yeah well, I definitely don’t look as sexy as you holy shit.” He held his arms open for you and you walked into them after reaching the floor, the two of you in an embrace.

The moment was interrupted by his cellphone buzzing. “Ugh, it’s probably Nikki saying ‘where the fuck are you?’ He can’t stop being an asshole outside of work. So fucking glad I left motley.”

“Oh but you love him.” You gave him a teasing smile.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go before he personally shows up to our house.”

The two of you made it to the party which was being hosted at none other than Saul Hudson’s house or as most people know him, Slash.

You’re pretty good friends with him since you produced a couple of his songs. Yep, you’re a music producer and damn good one at that.

Making your way through the crowd you greeted the man himself, who was dressed as a vampire but still adorned his iconic top hat.

“Slash!” You cheered with open arms. The two of you had a brief hug because someone is a little territorial. You love him for that though.

“Y/n!” He exclaimed back with a wide smile before exchanging a brotherly handshake with Tommy. “You make a great Priscilla.” Slash commented.

“Thanks. See I wanted this one to go as Elvis but as soon as he saw Spider-Man he was dead set on his costume.” You pointed you thumb to the drummer.

“Hey, in my defense it was much easier to get a Spider-Man costume than an Elvis costume.” You playfully rolled your eyes at that, “Whatever. Come on let’s go find everyone else.”

When the two of you spotted nikki who was comedically dressed as Michael Meyers, freaking you out just a little bit until he took the mask off when he realized it was making you feel uneasy.

“Sorry sweetheart, didn’t mean to scare you.” The bassist apologized and you smiled with a shake of your head. “It’s fine, I’m just a not a slasher person.”

The terror twins continued to have a conversation when you were distracted by one of your friends, Holly Madison. You quickly told Tommy you’d be right back as you rushed over to her.

She was dressed as tinker bell looking beautiful as always. “Holly!!” You exclaimed and her face lit up when she saw you. The two of you hugged tightly before letting go. “Oh my god you look beautiful.” The two of you said at the same time looking at each other’s outfits.

“Ok I’ve been waiting for you to show up so we can get drunk!” The blonde cheered and you laughed with a nod.

Four drinks later you were already drunk. Dancing on the counter top, Tommy watching you carefully to make sure you didn’t get hurt. When you got down with the help of some random guy who you didn’t know would cause you trouble in just a few moments, you tripped and almost fell when you were caught by him.

“Whoa, careful babe.” He chuckled and you immediately pulled his hand off of you. “Thanks for helping me.” You said.

He waved you off, “It was no problem. Hey, you’re that music producer. You produced for my band once.” You don’t even know this guy. “I did?”

“Yeah. Always thought you were pretty. You wanna go out someti-“ he was cut off by a punch being thrown at him, knocking him to the floor. Your boyfriend stood over him, anger in his eyes.

“Stay the fuck away from my woman. Got that?”

The man nodded and hissed in pain.

“Oh my god Tommy! You can’t totally do that!” You we’re slurring your words and he knew you were very drunk. “Come on, let’s get you home.” The brunette whispered.

“Noooo I wanna stay right here.” You made a show of stomping your foot on the ground with your arms crossed. Tommy wrapped an arm around your waist, “No, you’ve had enough partying tonight. Cmon baby.” And with a huff, you let him take you home.

[lostonehero]

Tma x mechs

Jonny archivist baby

"Is there a reason you're in my office, Sasha?" Jonny looked up from the statement on his desk.

"I've figured it out." Sasha smirks.

Jonny raised a brow. "Figured out what?"

"Why you suddenly became a dick after the promotion." Sasha hums. "You've fallen hard for Tim and Martin and me, but I'm aromantic, so sorry about that, bud. You're trying to cover your tracks by being a dick and pretending you hate everyone."

Jonny scoffs. "Of course not. I'm perfectly being just here as me and.... have you noticed Martin has a spider collection above his desk?" Jonny sighs. It's only been a few decades. How has he gotten so shit at lying?

Sasha raised a brow. "Jon, come off it." She crosses her arms as Jon sighs. "I'm sure if you talked to them they would be on board."

You're mortal all of you. Is what Jonny wanted to shout, but he couldn't. Even with the metal heart, he was falling hard and fast, weird horror be damned. Maybe he could use the weird horrors to keep them around long. He groans. "You have to be included aromantic or not. You're going to be a part of it, even if it's just sex."

"I'm sure I could arrange something." Sasha finishes her text, and there's a shout from Tim outside Jon's office.

"BLOODY KNEW IT." Tim shouts.

Jonny covers his face. He was screwed.

......

It's only been three weeks since they tried out the dating thing. He can only recall one other time truly where he was in love, and that was with Tim, not Stoker, but Gunpowder. It didn't end well. They remained friends, but it hurt. Tim blamed him for his eyes, but Carmillia was already dead to their knowledge, and they didn't mean to find him. They tried again a few times, but it was never the same, and everything it just hurt him more. DTTM was the final straw that broke the camels back. He's happier now than he has been for a long time. His crew probably doesn't even care that he's gone.

"Jon?" Martin's soft voice broke him away from the self hatred. "Jon, are you ok?"

Tim hugged Jonny's arm. "What ya thinking about, boss man?"

"We are literally in bed together. Don't call me that." Jonny sighs. "My ex, his name was also Tim. We became friends after but it was never the same yaknow. We were a part of this group like a family. I had a really bad falling out with them. That's how I ended up here." He sighs. "I'm not good at being open."

Martin sighs and moves Jon to his chest. "You feel like with us, you're betraying what you once had."

Tim nods. "Well, I'll be a better Tim." He hums softly. "You still have your memories even if they aren't great."

Jonny tries to hide his face in Martin's chest. "Enough! You're making me soft."

"That's the only thing soft about you. You're way too thin." Tim chuckles.

Jonny whines as Martin traps him in a soft hug. "Stop. I am a vicious man."

Tim smiles, joining the hug. "Mmh, yes, you're so scary."

"Yes, you make the statements come alive. Even if toy think they're fake." Martin smiles.

Jonny was absolutely fucked. He had to figure out how to keep them alive, and he'll be damned if Carmillia got involved. That bitch better stay the fuck away from here. She better be dead.

.......

It took a year for everything to go to shit. A fucking year. Jonny sat in the empty archives. It started when Sasha got bit by a moth of all things. He didn't think moths had mouths. Then she got sick. Elias was being a dick about it, and soon she was coughing up worms and talking about music she could only hear. She disappeared after that, claiming she was sick and he hadn't heard anything.

Next was Tim. He started to get sick and pale, claimed the light hurt. He wore long sleeves and sunglasses inside, but he didn't change mentally he just... physically, he was changing, and he tried to help, but one day, they were walking, and a cars shadow passed by, and he vanished. He mourned with Martin.

Last was Martin he helped get to the bottom of things. These fear gods were changing his loves, but they were supposed to have a choice. He rubbed his burned hand. Martin went to hill top road and didn't come back.

He should have known better. He can't just play pretend like he was some mortal. He wasn't even human. He could feel something wet drip down his cheeks. He was crying so much lately he was fucking pathetic.

A soft knock on the door made Jonny rub his face and sit up. "What is it?"

"Sup boss man." It was Tim he had sharper teeth, and his eyes were pitch black, but it was him.

"T-Tim?" Jonny shot up out of his seat.

"Yeah, it's me." Tim rubs his arm. "I can promise you I didn't want this. I've become some sort of monster, and you deserve to -" he gasps as Jonny knocks him to the floor in a hug.

"Fuck that, monster or not I still love you." Jonny freezes he never spoke those words since....

Tim pulls Jonny into a kiss. "Are you sure?"

Jonny nods. "You have to help me find Martin and Sasha now. Im a monster, too, I think. I got this weird knowing thing. Elias won't tell me anything, but I know he knows more than he lets on. We I know about the fears, and you've become an avatar. So what? I don't care."

"Jon, I could kill you." Tim still wraps his arms around Jonny."

"And?" Jonny scoffs. "A lot can kill me. it doesn't mean it will stick."

"What?" Tim blinks.

"I'll explain later." Jonny gets up, grabbing Tim's hand. "We have to find Martin."

"Jo-Jon, wait." Tim can't really stop as he's pulled along.

It wasn't hard to find Sasha next her apartment complex was condemned due to infestation. It also took no effort to break into.

"Tell me again why you know how to pick locks?" Tim sighs.

"Immortal space pirate, Tim please keep up." Jonny smirks as the door opens.

"Just because you survived being dragged through the dark doesn't mean I believe you." Tim pinched his brow as worms splattered Jonny, and soon enough, he exploded in worms, leaving a metal heart on the floor and a half eaten corpse. "Jesus fucking christ."

"Don't you hear.... oh hi Tim." Sasha waves as she makes her way across the room. "Seems you've been busy following a different song."

"I didn't have a choice in the manner." Tim frowns, staring down at Jon. He pauses, and his eyes widen, and he jumps back.

Jonny suddenly sits up as his skin knits back together. He now has ears that flare out like a cow and horns. His teeth are sharp he has claws and a long tail. "Ok, the first time I died like that."

Sasha blinks, and the swarm pulls away from Jon. "I'm sorry my brood ate you, and you exploded. Not that I'm mad, but how?"

"Immortal space pirate." Tim and Jonny say at the same time.

Jonny brushes himself off. "Aw shit my disguise failed. Anyway, do you know where Martin is? I'm pretty sure you guys aren't fired, and I'm in love, and I'm not giving up just because you're weird horror creatures. I've fucked weirder."

"I have so many questions." Sasha pursed her lips. "Let me get dressed, and I'll help you look."

"I also have questions." Tim pauses for a moment. "I love you too."

.......

A woman answered the door at hill top road. "Archivist."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, where's Martin?" Jonny crossed his arms.

"Oh, dear archivist mother has plans for him."

"Ew." Jonny scoffs pushing past the woman. "Martin! I don't care what weird creature you've become. I'm not human, so it will be fine."

A confused response from Martin. "I.... what?"

"Martin!" Jonny runs towards the voice, getting caught in a web. "Fuck."

"Hello Annabelle." Sasha waves at the door she looks almost normal minus the moths fluttering around her.

"Mother doesn't want him dead." Annabelle pauses. "What is he hoping to accomplish?"

"True love." Tim dramatically swoons under his umbrella.

"We also warned him not to just run into here but as you can see." Sasha vaguely motions.

"FUCK!" Martin shouts. "WHAT THE FUCK JON?"

"What you act as if this is the first time I've knawed off a limb to get out of something. See, look, it's already growing back." Jonny motions to his newly reformed arm. "Also spider centaur is pretty hot."

Martin pulls Jonny up and kisses him roughly. "You are the weirdest man I've ever met."

"Technically, not a human man." Jonny snickers.

......

Elias was about to pull his hair out. He had no idea how his new archivist had gotten his assistants back after they turned into avatars. It's actually impressive, but since one of them is now the web, he can no longer spy on his archivist. The hats were new, but he couldn't understand why Jon insisted that it's his new thing. It's the middle of summer. He does not need to wear winter hats.

.......

Nastya had returned to the Aurora too much fanfare, and it only took a day for her to ask where Jonny was. She stared at Tim, who crossed his arms. "So?"

Tim sighs. "After we realized we're yaknow truly immortal. He took it the worst and didn't accept it like the rest of us, and he left. Stole a ship and a bunch of shit, but he's been gone for 100 years. Lyf took his position as lead singer, but we have been looking for him."

"We don't have a way to track him." Brian adds. His metal body has been changing to reflect how he looked before the mechanisms. He was very quiet about it, but it was extremely noticeable. His top hat covered his fox like ears. "We all want him back. We found you by accident looking for him."

Nastya frowns. "He's gone?"

Tim frowns and looks away. "He didn't even take the metal box he keeps under his bed."

"Bullshit." Nastya touches the wall. "Aurora, track the ship Jonny stole. I'm getting my brother back. You're going to apologize." She points to Tim. "He's our captain."

Tim nods. "I fucked up."

.....

"Man, you human holidays are fun." Jonny's tail flicked happily behind him. The Magnus Institute was throwing a massive festival for Halloween. Elias was taking statements he insisted on that. "Didn't have anything like this on my astroid."

Martin followed behind with normal legs but 8 eyes and three pairs of arms. "Well , we will remedy that."

Tim seems to have hair that floated like rising darkness. His eyes were pitch black, and his mouth was full of sharp teeth. He was wearing a shirt. Jonny made him say the better Tim. "Martin, I think he likes it for the amount of sweets he's able to get."

Jonny scoffs. "I like the costumes."

"You're not even dressed up." Sasha raised a brow. "You said that was your normal outfit in space."

"Well, yeah, but it's not normal here, and humans don't have ears teeth or a tail like mine." Jonny huffs.

"Point taken." Martin chuckles. "Oh, looks like Elias got a band to play for the festival."

"It's not a band it's an open mic. A feast of stage fright." Jonny hums. "I'll perform something."

"Spoiling us?" Tim purrs.

"Yes, always." Jonny gasps as Martin picks him up.

"You're a hopeless romantic for someone who has lived as long as you and claims to be just as bitter." Martin smiles.

"Only for you guys." Jonny kisses the right side of Martin's mandible. "We could just skip this and have fun in the bedroom."

"Horndog." Tim chuckles. "How about after we hear you sing song bird?"

"Tim's right." Martin's gaze darkens. "You have to both earn it."

Jonny shudders. "Yes, sir."

Tim nods eagerly.

.......

"Impressive costumes." A cheery soft voice came from a tall, muscular sailor captain.

Lyf blinks. "Um, hello."

"Costume?" TS tilts their head.

"I didn't think Nikola would change for Halloween." A man wrapped around the sailors arm.

"Um, right...." Lyf sighs. "Um, could you help us? We're looking for a man going by Jonathan Sims." He hopes Nastya was right in the fake name Jonny chose.

"You're looking for my archivist?" The man's eyes flash green.

Lyf's eyes flashed rainbow. "I'm sorry. Did you say archivist?"

"Correct. I'm Elias Bouchard. This is a nice Halloween festival for my insistute. Jon is with his partners traversing the festive scene." He gives a sinister smile. "I highly suggest the activities while you look."

"That Sounds Like Jolly Good Fun." TS drags Lyf into the festival grounds.

"W-wait, TS!" Lyf groans he had more questions to ask.

......

Inspector: At the Halloween festival with TS. It's being thrown by the Magnus Institute. TS has prevented me from asking more questions to the head of said institute. However, Jonny might be the head archivist.

Archivist: There is a 100% that's bullshit.

Fire Fire: that's a good joke kid

GP: there's a open mic here to perform.

TS: I Made A New Friend.

There's a picture of TS next to a mannequin who seemed nervous in clown makeup. There appears to be human skin stretched tightly around the plastic body.

TS: This Is Nikola.

Inspector: Tim why the fuck didn't you warn us about earth?

GP: What the fuck are you talking about

GP: TS what the fuck.

Drumbot: I am with Nastya. We have found a meat themed activity. I agree with Lyf. This doesn't seem very human. However my phone will be taken for this so I will talk later.

GP: meat?

GP: Brian?

Doctor: I am going to the mushroom tent! Lyf invitation open to join. I think they will enjoy the fact I am poisonous.

Inspector: Marius we still haven't figured out what you are.

Science officer: Not for a lack of trying. Anyway, I'm going to find that meat tent.

Fire Fire: there's a woman named Jude Perry and she's all about Fire I'm going to find her.

Nastya: They did not let me in with Brian. However, they did give me some sort of meat on a stick. Jonny would love this.

GP: ill play my song. If he's here, he'll come to watch right?

Nastya: I will join you.

.......

Brian stumbled out of the tent. His throat hurt from screaming. He stopped in his tracks and when he looked down at his hands and saw flesh. He blinks and continues to stare. He could feel more so than he did before. He could hear the heart in his chest. He can feel his fox ears twitch under his hat. He could feel his tail. When did he get a tail? He always had one before...

A man bumped into him. "Oh shit sorry man." The man paused, tilting his head. "You ok?"

Brian stared at the man, and it was Jonny. He had glasses on and his normal outfit. "I uh...." He could feel everything, and he was getting overwhelmed. "I think... I." He felt Jonny grab his arm.

"Come on, you look like you're about to pass out." Jonny says softly, leading him to a table where three other people are already sitting down. "Hey, I know promised snacks, but we'll he looks like he's about to panic." He sits the man down who stares down at his hands.

Brian blinks as a bottle of water is put in his hands. He can't eat or drink. Why was this... he unscrewed the cap and drained the contents. Something wet dripped down his cheeks. A soft warm had patted his back, and Jonny sat to his left.

"Hey, are you ok?" A soft voice came from Brian's right. A man with eight eyes and a spider mandible gives a soft smile. He hands over half of a sandwich. "I know the tents can be much for anyone."

"Because avatars run them." The man with shadow like hair sighs. He hands Brian a few tissues. "It's impossible to stop others from being dragged inside."

Brian nibbled on the sandwich. It's been millions of years since he ate anything since he could taste. He couldn't even feel the metal in him, but he knew it was still there. It was changed and he couldn't understand, but this was the best meal he had ever had.

"So what's your costume? It seems very realistic." Jonny smiles.

Brian swallows and wipes his face. It was still so overwhelming, but he could handle it. He pulls off his hat to reveal two fluffy fox ears.

"Oh, let me guess! A foxy magician!" The woman chuckles as moths flutter around her.

"No, he's obviously an animal tamer turned animal." The man nudged her and they both giggle.

"He could just be a furry." Jonny wiggles his brows and the table erupts into laughter.

Brian can't help but laugh along.

"Wait, I have one he's a musician." The spider man smiles.

Brian giggles and nods. "Correct!"

"I'm an ex musician." Jonny smirks.

"No, you're not. You take every chance to perform." The man throws a crumple piece of paper at him.

"Ok, fine, I'm a part-time musician and full-time archivist." Jonny smiles. "Ah, right, let me introduce everyone. The man in the better Tim shirt is Tim, the lovely lady with the various moths is Sasha, and the spider guy is Martin. I'm Jon, the archivist of this insistute, currently dating the two handsome gentlemen, and fucking Sasha because she's happily aromantic."

Sasha salutes.

Martin waves, and Brian notices he has three pairs of arms.

Tim throws finger guns. "You're free to join us. Jon's got a sweet tooth, and double boss man got some American sweets for a few booths."

Jonny nods and gets up. "He's an honorary assistant for the day then."

"You probably shouldn't say that, Elias might actually hire him." Martin chuckles.

"To be fair, he hired you." Sasha winks getting up.

Martin chuckles, holding one hand out to Brian. "Come on, we'll help you navigate this place."

Brian realizes Jonny doesn't recognize him. Which makes sense if he wasn't metal anymore. He also left before his body started to change to reflect what he looked like before mechanisms. He sighs and nods. Might as well see what has happened to Jonny.

"I'll lead the way!" Jonny hops up.

"Eye eye boss man." Tim chuckles.

Jonny rolls his eyes. "We are literally together. Don't call me that."

"Fine, sorry, cowboy." Tim smirks as Jonny blushes.

"... go back to boss man." Jonny says with a deep blush on his features.

.......

Drumbot has changed his name to Brian

Brian sent a photo

It's a picture of Jonny between two men looking happy. Both men are kissing either cheek, and he has a sign that says little cowboy and his partners.

Brian: Jonny doesn't recognize me, but I also don't recognize me.

GP: I'm sorry, but Jonny got hitched!

Nastya: He's wearing wedding bands? Isn't that a human custom?

GP: Brian, what switch are you on

Brian: None

Archivist: impossible

Brian sends another picture

It seems to be a selfie. He has grayish goldish skin, soft, long hair, and big fox ears. He doesn't appear to be made of metal anymore.

Brian: The meat tent was actually a guise for a Flesh god.

GP: this literally can't be earth

Doctor: I think I accidently poisoned the nice mushroom man.

Lyf: I need to bleach my eyes.

Fire Fire: I think I believe Brian becoming flesh again over Jonny getting hitched

Archivist: this is all highly unlikely scenarios

Science officer: I am grabbing you Brian.

TS: My New Friend Stole My Arm Then Screamed When It Reattached

Lyf: I'll get TS from causing a panic.

Doctor: Wait let me come with you my love.

Lyf: not until you bathe in a bath of bleach

Doctor: only for you.

GP: I'm going to rip my eyes out.

........

"Brian!" A woman swoops down mechanical wings spread out as she grabs Brian's shoulder. "It even feels like flesh."

"Ah." Martin pauses. "So, is this a former crew member?"

"Yup." Jonny hums and sips on his bright orange drink.

"So how many are there, like 9?" Tim raised a brow.

"Well, Nastya left, but Lyf joined, and Aurora can be considered a mech as well." Jonny shrugs.

"Isn't Brian supposed to be metal?" Sasha nudges Jonny.

"You know that explains what he looks so familair and yeah he is supposed to be metal." Jonny shrugs again, watching Raphaella poke and prode Brian.

"No wonder why he had a panic attack." Tim hums. "I probably would too if I went from metal to flesh."

"Jonny...?" A Russian accent caught Jonny's attention.

"Nastya?" Jonny smiles. "It's been a while and it's nice to see you."

"What happened to you?" Nastya stops right in front of Jonny.

"Therapy mostly, got hitched, and git a degree, became archivist, and just enjoying life with weird horror gods. What's up with you? It's pretty fucked up that you broke up with Aurora because she changed physically but not mentally."

Nastya blinks and opens her mouth, but Jonny cuts her off.

"Yaknow, I spent decades helping her through the breakup and losing my sister." Jonny sips his drink obnoxiously. "Eh, I'm mostly over it, Marius was right. Therapy does help. Anyway, congrats on rejoining the mechs or whatever you're doing."

Raphealla and Brian have both stopped and stared at Jonny.

Brian takes a breath. "I think my ears are malfunctioning."

"No, I heard that too." Raphaella blinks.

Nastya stared stunned at Jonny.

"Have a fun time and stay away from the tents, you'll get pretty fucked up in you go into them, and not in the fun way." Jonny gets scooped up by Martin.

"I think that was very emotionally grown of you." Martin smiles.

"Does this mean the other Tim is here? Oh fuck yeah I'm going to fuck with him." Tim runs off and jumps into a shadow.

"Follow him!" Jonny climbs to Martin's shoulders. "This is going to fucking confuse Elias to no end."

Martin chuckles. "With pleasure."

[nezumithewriter]

magnus archives season two was REALLY good

ep 41: "as a certain Melanie King would put it, 'EXPLORING THE UNDERGROUND TUNNELS OF MAGNUS INSTITUTE AT 3 AM (GONE WRONG) (SOMETHING IS WATCHING ME)'"

ep 42: absolute dogshit musician wows crowd with worst music ever made (the crowd dies)

ep 43: "hello police officer, good statement, um, could i have confidential evidence please?"

ep 44: 最悪なんだ 涙が 乾かないんだ ずっと

ep 45: "hey jon do you want tea-- what the hell are you doing" "*holding stalkerish pictures of his colleagues after muttering creepily to himself* nothing"

ep 46: oh my god he jumped

ep 47: "oh that's awful you shouldn't have been able to get back" - Michael, before dragging Helen back through the door

ep 48: the power of parental love saves the day

ep 49: "lol this dogshit drug smuggler got himself caught in a sweeney todd situation" - gregory before getting his arm taken

ep 50: jon gets possessed by the spirit of an old 1800's man and gives one of the best vocal performances so far for a statement excluding Jane Prentiss

ep 51: simon fairchild is very silly, and """"sasha"""" is very normal and very human

ep 52: The Hunts don't give a shit about the prison system. also acab

ep 53: "it's hot as hell in this fucking ass hot ass catacombs i'm in. IS THAT THE CEASELESS WATCHER?!?"

ep 54: "they may be terrifying eldritch abominations or whatever but they're not laundering money! :D"

ep 55: "these mfs smell rank when burned on god" "How do you know what they smell like when being burned?" "long story"

ep 56: this is the strangest romcom i've ever listened to

ep 57: 2020

ep 58: "come on babe i'm a snack. literally"

ep 59: The promised neverland but with more spiders

ep 60: "Jon this is an intervention. you need therapy."

ep 61: i love daisy tonner i love daisy tonner i

ep 62: "I enjoy a bit of ritualistic murder and book binding, but I draw the line at using it for money" "you enjoy ritualistic murder???"

ep 63: MY CAREER IS OVER????? (WENT TO MAGNUS INSTITUTE) (THE NEW GIRL IS KINDA CUTE)

ep 64: "please god i just want to die"

ep 65: yapper vs listener, "finally some good fucking food", and then my parents start fighting

ep 66: Bad and naughty customs officers get sent to the box

ep 67: Sucker for Love be like

ep 68: "Yeah I finally got something cool to share with y'all it's really cool!!" dies two days later

ep 69: nice.

ep 70: gertrude robinson really fucking hated books

ep 71: "guess i'll die"

ep 72: "yeahhhh i probably ate some guy's wife but at least it tasted good" the same guy about to cut off his ankle

ep 73: "you know what, i fucking quit" - Basira Hussain after the world's strangest hostage case

ep 74: Sleep is overrated

ep 75: sibling prank goes horribly wrong and it's all michael crew's fault

ep 76: EXPLORING AN ABANDONED TRAIN CAR AT 3AM (GONE WRONG) (GOT STABBED) (THE MAGNUS INSTITUTE IS GASLIGHTING ME)

ep 77: "ah fuck sasha is dead isn't she" jon 'sasha is the only trustworthy one' sims

ep 78: "It is remarkably easy to buy an axe in Central London." jon 'about to break the only thing keeping himself safe' sims

ep 79: Sasha fucking dies again

ep 80: "rent's due" BRUTAL PIPE MURDER SFX

[badchoicesworld]

omg hi i love your blog so much!! could you please write a story where the reader is trans and healing from surgery but his suit is making it uncomfortable and they’re on a mission together as spider-people and reader’s chest hurts and he has to explain to his boyfriend noir that he’s trans and shows him his scars? :) fluff and wholesomeness ensue etc etc

thank you!!

spider-noir finds out you’re transmasc on a mission !

omg tysm ur so sweet !! so very happy to do this for you, my friend !! hope you don’t mind i’ve done it in this format

im assuming you’re from a more progressive dimension in comparison to Noir, something more modern or even a little advance

that being said, if you ever find yourself recovering from surgery, let your body heal !! and don’t try to be spider-man at home plz

warnings: none, just noir being the most oblivious man alive and then being a golden retriever boyfriend

requests are: open !

★⋆ ⋆☆⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆☆⋆⋆★✧

so, let’s set the scene rq. you’ve finally managed to undergo the gender affirming surgery that you’ve been entitled to your entire life, all’s well and it’s incredibly accessible (one can only dream)

but, you’re also your dimensions one and only spider-man.

naturally, you rationalise that oh dear god what will the multiverse do without me ? you’ve gotta get back out there as soon as you can, even if it means popping open, like something busting at the seams.

tight spandex, whatever accessories you’ve got on, supporting your whole weight in one arm while you swing from place to place isn’t exactly the most comfortable thing in the world now, is it ? so uncomfortable that it absolutely effects your performance, one would assume

but, since this is something that you’ve went through independently and without sharing with those you find dear, it was only a matter of time before Miguel sends you on your merry way to carry out some kind of mission with your dearest: spider-noir.

now lets be honest, Noir’s probably clueless when it comes to trans issues and top surgery. not in an arrogant way but I imagine his reality isn’t exactly caught up with the times yet.

that being said i don’t think he’s never heard of them, considering he’s been around more modern spider-people and has likely been exposed to some kind of media about it

still, when you two are out on your mission together and he notices how much you’ve been awkwardly and as discreetly as possible pulling at your suit, he’s probably gonna side eye you a bit until he recognises the discomfort in your face too.

i imagine Noir would rather not see his boyfriend in discomfort for long at all, so pulls you aside into whatever’s nearest- an alley, anything for a little privacy

gentle as ever, examining the suit that you’ve been tugging at all day long while gently patting you down to see if there’s anything that he can identify

probably firing an ungodly amount of questions like “what’s wrong?” in several variants

most likely makes some kind of reference about your tugging that you’ll never understand, slang from his era. is probably assuming that you’ve washed your suit wrong and is in fact suggesting that while he pats you down, but mumbles about it not being pilly so is at a loss

finds nothing, but hears the clear hiss of discomfort when he pats the sides of your torso that are still healing.

you’ve gotta face the music someday, right ? but this is your boyfriend, and Noir is nothing but accepting and open minded to new things

so, deny all you may at first and insist everything okay. your suits just a little uncomfortable today, you say ? yeah after that hiss, he’s not buying it.

Noir’s gonna coax the real answer out of you if you’re not already willing to share right off the bad, he wants to understand you.

Reminding you of his trust, calling you as many pet names that you’re comfortable with. “Come on, sweetheart. Honey, who am I gonna tell?” super persuasive, who can resist the man ?

only, and ONLY when you’re feeling secure and comfortable enough to share this part of yourself with him will things still make absolutely zero sense to Noir

absolutely clueless. if you say “i’m trans” as simply as that my guy is just stood there not knowing what kind of riddle this is, but he knows this much: he doesn’t know wtf that means. trans…ition ? i mean yeah technically

if you go the step further right off the bat and show him your scars, Noir’s colour blindness is straight up preventing him from noticing the subtle difference in your scar tissue and healthy skin.

he’s stood there with his eyes as narrow as a thread while those cogs turn away in his head. until you finally explain it, Noir has forgotten his own name

actually explain it to him, and Noir’s perception of you just does not budge. his thought process is just “boyfriend is still boyfriend, good” after you’ve explained to him all about being born in the wrong body and all that

admittedly does not understand that concept. poor baby can’t fathom the idea that you’re anything but what you’ve told him- you’re a boy, says you, therefore you are a boy !

cosmetic surgeries however were gaining traction during the 20’s and 30’s thanks to war, skin graphs and all that

naturally, gobsmacked after it clicks in his head that you’ve managed a mission after surgery considering his dimensions surgery is a lot less advance

will now not let you swing and insist he’ll take care of the mission. if there’s ever a point where a fist fight breaks out, Noir’s throwing insults like usual, references no one understand because it’s the 30’s and says something along the lines of “my boyfriends watching, you better make me look good” before absolutely thundercunting a car at them

will let you walk independently but is happy to carry you- this includes swinging

if you’re still uncomfortable in your suit it’s incredible how fast this gentleman is wrapping you up in his coat if you wanna tie the top half of your suit around your waist. Still not ideal, but it’s less friction.

when you two get back to whatever you both call home together, Noir is likely to be super delicate with the actual subject and is kinda treading on eggshells. figured that, you never talked about it before, would you be okay talking about it now ?

still has a little bit of a hard time understanding the importance of gender affirmations since you are simply a boy to him, why do you need to be reminded ?

would probably be really sheepish about asking if he could touch your scars, since he can’t see them all too well. With your permission and ideally when they’re less irritable and sore, he’ll like to trace his thumbs over the scars as gently as possible with his gloveless hands. May not understand the exact significance of them, but he appreciates all of you regardless

is probably amazed at the advancements in surgery

"honey? i may not understand, but i'm trying" he loves you so much

we learned from the first movie that Noir is an extremely open-minded person who’s willing to learn about new things (like the rubix cube) and he’s determined to understand. he wants to understand you, even if just a little bit more

won’t tell a soul about you being trans. honestly forgets a lot of the time, actually. not out of arrogance, it’s just as simple as you’ve said you’re a boy, so that’s how he sees you. that being said, it’s hard for him to identify when people are intentionally transphobic because it just doesn’t make sense to him. it’s obvious you’re a boy, idiot

but when it clicks, the guy can’t control his temper “NOW WAIT JUST A SECOND, YOU’RE ONE OF THOSE TRANSPHIBIANS!” close enough, Noir. we love you.

yeah anyway, is willing in that moment to go to jail for you

show him the trans flag, watch him crumble as he guesses the colours

overall, clueless but supportive nonetheless and loves you unconditionally.

when he does eventually learn for you and it finally sticks, he starts to make a conscious effort to start asking people their pronouns through an incredibly rigid and rehearsed dialogue tree you helped him come up with. uses his lil detective notepad to keep track of peoples preferred names and pronouns with little doodles of the people so he can differentiate

★⋆ ⋆☆⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆☆⋆⋆★✧

i hope this is okay, i'm not massively confident with my noir capabilities

[brighterdaysarebeforeus]

This went…slightly off the rails, I think. I really only wanted to put a quick reference to the whole Mumbatten scene and ended up…rewriting it. Again. (>.<) god, that’s embarrassing. Anyway, enjoy!

Part 1 here

The whole ‘canon events must happen to all Spiders’ debacle that Miguel set off lasted a lot longer than Miles was expecting. Time stretched differently across the multiverse, which he hadn’t known or been expecting,and which had thrown him off of his semi-regular cycle. All this to say that when he finally went back home, it was the nearly four months from his initial leave date (the day of the block party and his dad’s promotion), he was still battered and bruised from several different fights (starting with O’Hara and, ironically, ending with O’Hara), he still actually had to fight the Spot (who had landed back in regular 1610 New York approximately two minutes before Miles did, that was kinda lucky, right?), and the cherry to top it all off, he’d missed his rut and could already feel it —

Wait, wait wait wait. Wait. Let’s back up.

So Gwen finally found a way to visit, and showed up the day before his dad’s official promotion. They hung out for a bit, and then Miles realized that she’d had an ulterior motive for coming to his dimension. Which, weirdly enough, had to do more with the Spot than him. When she pulled up communication with an unfamiliar woman who’d sent her to a different dimension to catch the Spot, Miles made a split second decision to go after her.

Finding himself in Mumbatten was…an experience. He thought that having different dimension Spiders in his New York would be as different as things could get, but he was…very wrong.

Mumbatten was loud. Yes, New York could also get loud, but not this way. There were people everywhere talking in Indian. Scooters with more people on them than they were designed to hold, Indian music playing nearly everywhere. Traffic was similar enough, surprisingly, but there were more clotheslines than Miles had been expecting, and the buildings were shaped differently. It was an entirely different sort of beauty than Miles knew from his own New York, but it was still breathtakingly beautiful, and the Spider who protected it was no different.

Pavitr was bright and funny, and Miles liked him almost instantly. He didn’t particularly care for how fast he clocked his crush on Gwen, and Gwen clearly hadn’t expected the younger Spider to point it out so blatantly. Still, Miles was down for helping Pavitr as much as he could, considering how long the kid had been Spider Man for (seriously, six months and the kid got a watch?? Miles thought he’d been doing a great job at being Spider Man, he’d been doing it for over a year on his own, why couldn’t he get one?) and considering the Spot had initially come from his universe anyway.

Also, and Miles in no way ever wanted Pavitr to figure this out, his alpha instincts kicked in around him almost immediately. He wanted to protect this (apparently beta) Spider he barely knew, keep bad things from happening to him and his world. And, honestly, that meant following both him and Gwen to Mumbatten AlcheMax, despite his sporadic glitching, to help stop the Spot. He’d tried to show off, tried to display to Gwen and Pavitr a new trick he was working on, and though he’d just nearly had it working —

Omega pinged on his senses, and before Miles could even try to figure out what was going on, there was an additional Spider.

He was tall and thin, and Miles felt himself going haywire in the rush to protectprotectprotectprotect this brand new person he didn’t even know, this omega who quite literally came out of nowhere. He turned to Gwen instead, slightly indignant when she clearly knew this new Spider, and feeling his instincts to impress flare up when Pavitr thanked this new Spider for breaking the barrier he’d been trying to break. Not only that, but then! Then, this new Spider gave Miles advice on how to do better next time, and also implied that Gwen, an alpha, spent the night at his, the omega’s, place recently.

It was a lot. It was a lot for Miles, especially in the middle of a fight, and a fight with the Spot to boot. He tried to show off where he could, but it wasn’t working like he hoped it would. Because of Spot, of course, not because of anything else. Miles wasn’t even sure who he was trying to impress at this point; on the one hand, there was Gwen, who he’d had a crush on since she’d introduced herself as ‘Gwanda’ and he’d stuck his hand to her hair on accident (the way she’d physically snapped her compact mirror shut and later verbally snapped at him about her new haircut had made his blood boil in the best way).

And on the other hand…

Look, Miles had been focused on Gwen, kind of. Hung up on her, on one of the only other people his age he’d known who would understand the dangers and risks and rewards of being a Spider. He never really cared to make overtures at others in his universe, omega or otherwise. As far as he’d been concerned, Gwen had been the be-all, end-all.

But now Hobie. Hobie, with his spiked mask, his vest, with his pink outline every time Miles got close, with his guitar and his boots and that super enticing omega scent he kept catching whiffs of…Miles found himself trying to show off for him even as he tried to poke holes in the other Spider’s logic (“I don’t believe in teamwork!” “Aren’t you in a band?” “I don’t believe in consistency!”). He was failing, miserably.

And then when the Spot got away, and Mumbatten’s AlcheMax started falling apart. Pavitr looked to them, and so did a bright pink Hobie, and Miles automatically gave out the orders to get things done quickly to save the civilians. He’d felt a burst of pride that was quickly popped when Hobie agreed to do what he said even as he pointedly mentioned it wasn’t because Miles specifically wanted him to, and he and Pavitr worked to get civilians to safety as quickly as possible. In this, they worked together much more seamlessly than they had fighting the Spot, and by the time Hobie and Gwen had dropped the AlcheMax building, everything was almost peachy.

And then Pavitr had to save the bus, and couldn’t save the Inspector in time, and Miles saw his opportunity. He could help Pavitr, he could get noticed by the Spider Society Gwen was a part of and get himself an inter-dimensional watch to see Peni and Peter and Noir and Ham again, he could prove himself as a viable alpha to Hobie Gwen, prove himself to Gwen.

She tried to stop him, clearly worried about him, and he reassured her as best as he could before jumping into the fray after Pavitr. And he did it, he saved the Inspector, he saved the little girl, and though Gwen was the one who pulled the rubble off of the three of them, Miles found himself looking for Hobie in spite of himself.

He was still caught off guard when the Spider himself grabbed him from behind, shaking him and crowing praise in his ear like he couldn’t help himself. Miles felt warm all over, smiling up at his bright pink outline as best as he could even though it wasn’t clearly visible through the mask; though he’d stopped tensing up when Gwen appeared to be all right, Miles found himself relaxing even more now that Hobie was for sure ok. He’d barely even registered the people cheering for them all, the way that all four of them were waving back and Pavitr was almost bouncing on his feet. Hobie still had his arm around Miles, and though he wasn’t quite sure of what was proper or not, Miles found himself wanting to wrap himself around Hobie in return.

And, honestly? That was an entire can of worms he did not feel like opening. Ever.

[eriexplosion]

Tribe! Another fun one off.

Honestly with all the stress and everything of TBB lately given the Wait for season 3, I'm just appreciating these one off adventures, I honestly wish we had more of them putting me at odds with a ton of the fandom.

God I love Tech insisting they do not need to check the chain codes because HE MADE THEM HIMSELF like bby they don't know you and also that is the MOST suspicious thing you could have said.

I feel like Echo is on guard duty because they had DISAGREEMENTS about delivering fake chain codes to whoever the hell. Also the way Omega doesn't even wait ten seconds after Echo goes inside to start wandering off because she just feels something is Wrong.

GUNGI <3

His reaction to clones is painful, it makes complete sense after Order 66 but still. My heart ;_;

The droid hearing "We have a situation" and immediately looking up at the batch like this has to be their fault.

"The cause of that blaster fire is either Echo or Omega..... most likely Omega." Tech is the funniest man in this show.

God Gungi with sad eyes is the SINGLE MOST HEARTBREAKING THING. BABY. I want to cherish and protect this carpet.

Echo and Hunter conferring is one of my favorite things still, they're really co-leaders at this point, even if the orders still come from Hunter.

"He's a Jedi, he's not safe anywhere" WAILING

I'm sorry Hunter calling it a laser sword like he's never worked with a jedi before is still SO funny.

Gungi only remembering Kashyyyk from his dreams is the kind of thing I will think about and then immediately get sad again that is the saddest possible thing to say ever.

The music when they arrive at the destroyed village is GREAT.

"The Empire destroyed our home too. Don't worry, we'll find your people." - this is something that's going to come back in season 3 I'm sure, when Pabu is destroyed. This is why I think that what will end up being irrevocably lost through the show isn't people, it's places, dealing with the loss of a place you Belong, and moving past that by having your People, your community and your family, with you. It permeates through Echo's focus on rescuing other clones, Omega's desire to keep the batch together and reunite everyone, Pabu as a city of refugees who found and support each other.

Ugh the destroying the carved stones, the importance of culture and how the Empire just destroys it without any care while Phee tries to restore and preserve it. But tying in with the previous - as long as the people survive, not everything is lost.

YANNA <3 I LOVE YANNA

"Jedi or not, he's still a child. He needs his people." MORE THINGS THAT MAKE MY HEART HURT IN THE BEST WAY.

Today on 'Cultural Sensitivity With Echo' we cover 'eating unknown foods'

"We'll stay and help you fight them. You don't have to do this alone." AGAIN, THEMES THAT ARE IMPORTANT.

I love how open and chill they are with 'the trees have a plan' like fuck why not, we're following the trees lead here.

Goddddd waking up the giant spiders to attack the Trandoshans, I love it.

The bad guy just being dragged away screaming. Don't want to see what happens to Venomor! Though to be fair, we don't see him die he might be fine. Still, dragged into the spider nest is generally considered Not Fun.

The cut between 'the fire is spreading too fast' and 'the fire is out never mind' is still AWFULLY ABRUPT.

Echo finally trying some soupdrink and proclaiming it Not Bad. See your extreme disgust was unnecessary.

"They're both just kids. But they don't get to be. Not in this galaxy." "When a young one leaves, the trees weep. But when they return, the trees sing. As this child has found his new home, perhaps one day we all will find a new path."

This episode I think also gets passed over as filler a lot but literally Tribe lays out the themes of the show SO explicitly. I think that it would feel a little less terrifying to think of season 3 if we remembered more about episodes like this.

[stupidspidey]

AJR - Living Room

if you told me in 2013 that this was the absolute pinnacle of music and that it would get no better than this, chances are i would’ve told you “that’s nice, leave me alone creep” and went to go kick the shit out of my brother at Mario on the DS. Now if you told me now that these guys ended up being my favourite band, i’d probably give you the same response but i’d go play a Spider-Man game instead. Regardless, Living Room by AJR is just… not good, by any sense of the word realistically, don’t get me wrong it’s got its merits but holy fuck, it’s really hard to listen to. Now, i don’t want to be too unfair about this, believe it or not sitting here for a good 5 minute read yelling about how bad something is is REALLY undesirable in a review, and it’s even more undesirable since my girlfriend refuses to sleep with me because of it. (jk rose ily) So, i’m gonna take their advice from one of their next albums that came after this and well, skip to The Good Part, which unfortunately should only take me like, 20 lines, maximum, before i start either repeating myself or talking about how a line in “The World is a Marble Heart” is was reused as a backing vocal in “I Won’t” like, 10 years later.

The Good

My GOD, do these guys know how to write a decent line or few. Sure there’s a few “Thirsty, Thirsty, Thursdays!” in there but, every one of those is definitely made up for by the honestly-adorable Infinity or the surprisingly-hopeful My Calling, each lyric will either strike you as cheesy in a really cute way, or inspiring in a really dumb way, the album could honestly be mistaken as written about someone with how directed and loving each line feels from the start to the end and briefly sidestepping around at least 49.2% of each song. Big White Bed especially, but as i wrote that down all i could think to describe the song was “I love you… BITCH. I ain’t ever gonna stop loving you… BITCH.” from a vine like 10-or-so years ago. So, really, pretty appropriate for their timing on the albums release realistically. A really specific praise for the album but, i think the art itself is really pretty? something about it feels so real. Like, if you made an album with two of your brothers and basically pro-tools, a mic and a big idea (yeah, that’s a quote from one of the songs, Big Idea.) would you not just make the album art you all sat on the comfy family sofa in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere with your band name splattered on the wall in a nice deep red? I know i would if i could fit all 5 of my brothers onto one tiny-ass couch. Now unfortunately i can only realistically think of these two points for the positive part but, i will say this: Every track on this album, has thought behind it. It sometimes comes across as them just lobbing the entire processing power of a Windows 7 computer running pro-tools at you, but if you listen to the audio-commentary edition of the album (because, for some reason they made that?) it really is easy to tell the three of them had passion for the thing, especially seen in Jack’s (the J in AJR) enthusiasm about finally making it out of slummin’ it in the streets while his two way-fucking-taller brothers tap danced and sang, outside of his appearance in Pink Panther 2 and Sesame Street of course. (seriously, i’m deadass, look it up, he even has an iMDB page.) Now, unfortunately, on that point, i can’t realistically stay on the positives forever on this without ending up on some TikTok calling me a brainrotted liberal or some slur that hasn’t been unsealed since some crusty fucking 4channer woke up from his food comatose over a reddit girl with fat tits so, with that point.

The Bad

Ok right so, you know how i mentioned this was considered some sort of principle of music back then in 2013? Well guess what, motherfucker. I wasn’t even joking, the way people view Bruno Mars now is the way people viewed Living Room in 2013, though it was hard not to when their brain cells rubbed together and they decided the best way to promote their album was to tag every artist under the sun on gods green-motherfucking-earth and tell them to listen to it. Even then, the only one who listened really was Sia, and realistically what the fuck have you actually seen Sia do in the past like 5 years? This is a real question seriously please for the love of GOD tell me i have no idea past *Chandelier*. Anyway, enough of throwing Sia some strays (i’m sorry ma’am i’m sure there’s a grammy somewhere i didn’t bother googling), back onto Twenty-One Pilo— Coldplay— I mean, AJR. The album had passion behind it, don’t get me wrong here, but it is completely misplaced. The only way i can describe this is that, if this was the latest release around the time of E.T. for the Atari 2600? Music probably wouldn’t have survived past that either. Though realistically it was probably one of the better albums of that era since by then every other song was the most bassy-pile of “please dance to this” you’d ever seen, but i’m sure there’s someone still out there hitting the dab to fuckin’ The World is a Marble Heart, surely. The album itself had some pretty… interesting, approaches, but really you can only get around 30 seconds into the first song before that fucker starts yodelling? why the fuck is he yodelling? Regardless, no matter how many times you make a sequel to Turning Out or how many times you make some good shit like The DJ is Crying for Help, to those guys at TikTok? you’ll allwwaayyss be the guys who made Thirsty. You could get a treaty and a vulcan salute from half of space, but all those motherfuckers will still only know you for Thirsty. Personally? i’d be so fucking mad. I mean, you look to your left and Kanye has just dropped Yeezus, and what do you have to compete against that? a new national holiday celebrated exclusively by kids who get bullied at school, Thirsty Thursday, if i were them i wouldn’t have even made it to The Click without some sort of apology statement.

The Ending

Now, if i’m being completely real here. I can’t entirely slander Living Room, it’s got ideas, it’s got (marble) heart, and most importantly… It let Neotheater exist so… some good out of the bad right? Sure, for anyone else, unless you’re subconsciously subscribed to every single opinion on r/Music like some sort of absorption sponge. And just… in future, for anyone reading this, Include yodelling in your song and i will fucking SLICE you, not for poor mixing choices, not even for poor taste, but for reminding me that i sat here for an hour, and reviewed an album. Worst part? one out of five baby, i’m not down until i hear the fat lady sing, i’ve still gotta drop my useless thoughts for The Click, Neotheater, OK ORCHESTRA and *The Maybe Man. So, i’m gonna go out with a BANG! and by that? i mean get gunned down by the mexican cartel for even daring to include a good section in this slice of piss.

4/10 - Not enough yodelling really.

[xcomics4]

I've been obsessed with Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark lately. I didn't know much about it when it came out because I heard about the injuries and didn't want to feel responsible via any financial or other support.

It's been over a decade since Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark came out and it was such a flop that I can now rest assured it is never coming back and I can indulge guilt-free.

I can't believe this thing was made. If you put this musical up against Goncharov I'd swear the musical is the fake.

Bono and The Edge from U2 did the music, so the whole thing sounds bizarre. Bono clearly did not know how to write sings for anyone other than him to sing, so Peter Parker just sounds like he's doing an impression. You can go and listen for yourself. It's bad, but if you're a U2 fan you can get on board.

The original version of the Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark had a plot that makes zero sense: the spider that bites Peter Parker is actually a manifestation of the spider goddess Arachne who becomes infatuated with him. The musical ended with Peter agreeing to be with Arachne, who, by the way, has spider legs, to spare Mary Jane's life. The whole thing ended with a love making scene between the human Peter Parker and this anthropomorphic spider.

Obviously that wasn't well received so the whole musical was reworked to follow the plot of the first Spider-Man movie with Bono and The Edge writing songs for the Green Goblin.

So far I'm delighted by every new fact I learn about this god-awful abomination.

[getmemymicroscope]

So I knew from the moment this movie was announced that this wasn't going to be a remake of the original (which was then confirmed by the trailer). Which, to some extent was a good thing, because these guys aren't going to be Govinda/Amitabh. However, now that we've seen this - maybe that would've been more fun. Not that this is 'bad,' per se, but it's excitement factor really is not what you would expect for something of this scale, and with the names attached to this project.

It feels like every action movie nowadays has to be super grandiose - taking on the world, etc. It's the same trap that the MCU has sorta fallen into (Spider-Man movies aside), and even movies like Pathaan and Jawan have taken on this crazy approach. Maybe that's what makes movies like Mard Ko Dard Nahin Hota, or Thelma, or whatever, more fun - the small scale keeps things somewhat contained. Bollywood's love of "ex-soldier (or whatever) who feels slighted and decides that the answer is to destroy everything" is both too real (as we sit here on independence day) and like ... a lot. How does no one else have any other story?

Alaya F's intro/initial bits are super annoying - but, at least (I guess) not in the same way Tara Sutaria's character in Heropanti 2 was annoying. Also, thankfully, it also gets sorta toned down - though that maybe also just be because she disappears for half the movie. She, and Manushi Chhillar do get a couple of instances to be pretty badass - though, of course, most of that is saved for our heroes. They do thrown in the BMCM 'twist' of duplicates, though in a slightly weird way here - and definitely not with the fun that the duplicates brought in the original. Sonakshi Sinha shows up pretty much to play, or become, damsel in distress over and over again. Hell, in that final sequence, they keep cutting away from the action to focus on her for a second, as if to say "look at this drugged up/knocked out girl, not even waking up to help." It's ridiculous, made more-so by the fact that it isn't even leading to a moment where she does wake up and do anything during the fight sequence.

The bit where the movie names come from is ... well, meh. The songs are, quite honestly, trash - even the 'remix' of the title song (though saying that is an insult to all the remixes Bollywood has given us lately, and that's saying something cuz most of them have been downright bad) from the original, though the theme music that plays during many of the fight sequences is not bad. The whole 'literally pull a manual override switch' at the end is just dumb. The concept of putting so much power into the hands of one person, as our villain wanted to do when he on the correct side of that 'genius/psychopath' lines that he mentioned, is straight-up dumb.

The banter between our leads had its moments of fun, but beyond that, the movie just really meh'd along until is was over. I think Bollywood needs to tone down the grand scale of their movies (not necessarily the money that goes into them/the effects, but just how wide-reaching the villains always are). Why can't be just have the bad guy be someone within a town doing small-scale activities - whatever happened to that. Enough of evil politicians and traitors and terrorists and corrupt politicians - lets just go back to smaller-time criminals doing smaller-time things, please.

And for the love of god, please stop remixing the old songs into new trash.

[daggerzine]

Pernice Brothers- Who Will You Believe (New West)

It’s been five long years since the last Pernice Brothers album. I had the pleasure of hearing some of these songs performed at Kiki’s House of Righteous Music in Madison last November. I’m still amazed I was finally able to check off another artist on my bucket list, especially in such an intimate venue. But back to the new album. Joe wrote and produced all of the songs on the album. He’s joined by Michael McKenzie, Liam Jaeger, Patrick Berkley, Michale Belitsky, Peyton Pinkerton, and we can’t forget brother Bob Pernice. The album kicks off with the title track, “Who Will You Believe.” Jangling guitars, beautiful harmonies, and soaring guitar solos that seem like a track right out of early REM’s songbook. “So, don’t cash out ‘cause some rumor says it’s over. Look here, I stagger, but I swear to God I’m sober. Who will you believe? Who will you believe?” Next up is “Look Alive,” my favorite on the album. It’s a beautiful, upbeat piano-driven, indie-rocker complete with strings and horns! ”At best a shaky maybe. Strumming the old banjo, baby. Snuffing out a torch that was held for me. I wish I could sing that song... The one that makes the ordinary extraordinaire.“ Track 3, “Not This Pig,” is a short foot-tapping number complete with dreamy keyboards and howling guitar solos. Next is “What We Had.” A slower, sad acoustic guitar number with trickles of echo-laden guitar bits. And the lyrics add an extra punch to the sorrow. “I can see the way it’s playing out. It’s a comedy of errors, but it’s sad. I think of what we had. It’s hard to watch good love go bad.” In comes more explosive guitar jams that eventually leave as the song drifts off. Track 5, “December in Her Eyes,” if I recall, Joe introduced as a 60s Motown song that he said to imagine strings and horns. It’s a beautiful, sad song, and yes, those gorgeous strings and horns are way upfront on this one. “We’ve been friends for so long, I would tell you that I might break down and cry. I hope you can find her and find out ‘cause I swear I don’t know why she’s got December in her eyes.” “A Song for Sir Robert Helpmann” is a short, highly orchestrated instrumental dedicated to the Australian ballet legend. “Hey, Guitar” is the fastest rocker on the album. Searing guitar solos and a bopping rhythm section highlight this one. Next up, “A Man of Means,” is a flashback to Revolver-era Beatles. I’m thinking “Taxman” with its heavy bassline and chiming guitars. Track 9, “I Don't Need That Anymore,” features another Dagger favorite, Neko Case. When I first heard this performed at Kiki’s, Joe, strapped only with an acoustic guitar, did a hilarious version by tilting his head when he sang “the Neko part.” Couldn’t wait to hear the full-blown version with Neko, and it surely doesn’t disappoint. Next up, “Ordinary Goldmine,” also captures the vibe I felt at Kiki’s. Not sure if he sang this at our set. Love the repetitive ending. “Tell me where. I swear I’d be on-time.” Track 11, another acoustic beauty, “How Will We Sleep” is one to move any listener to tears. It’s not just the beauty of his acoustic guitar, the lyrics really grab you, especially me. “Growing old seemed like death to me when I was young. Now I want to grow old. And I want to belong. Oh, how will we sleep to the crash and the clang, as the hell-bent hell fires burn on in our names? How will we live: By the dove or the blade? Will we keep our eyes closed as the dream slips away?” The album ends with “The Purple Rain.” Dedicated to the loss of his cousin to cancer. The emotional lyrics say it all, “Here’s a man one heartbeat from a ghost. Here’s a vein, it spiders coast to coast. One thousand quiet cuts, and I do believe we’re close. Been bleeding out for years and years and years.” Dedicated to one of the many people close to Joe that left this earth recently. Joe’s heartfelt vocals, acoustic guitar, swelling strings, and gorgeous choir truly add to the sorrow of this piece. ERIC EGGLESON

https://www.pernicebrothers.com/

[simply-breeee]

a VERY long catch up

June - June was really a transitional period in time. My niece was released for the hospital and I was officially n at home auntie now! I love her so much my baby my baby 👩🏽‍🍼 I also started tapping into my it girl energy and realizing that I am exactly who I always wanted to be through Christ. I worked on my self image as well as my relationship with God. Other than this life was pretty low key. 

July- July was another month filled with just working… nothing exciting to write about or at least nothing notably exciting I remember. I got a spider bite perching on my cartilage but other than that nothing really. 

August- It was SM birthday! I installed a wig for the first time in a few years and it looked really cute. So we went out with her family for dinner that food made my head and stomach hurt so bad after that I went home and took off that  wig because I ad a hair appointment the next day! My blonde and brown bee braids were soooooo cute and they did the thing for our trip back to Texas. This trip was mostly her birthday celebration with a little bit on looking at places. While here she disappeared for the day with irrelevant and Tornado ended uo in the mix with his gf who brought me up in conversation .. it’s giving fan club. All the while I took the rental car and sight saw. Went to a campus out there and just spent the day alone. I felt at peace as if this was gonna be my life and from November’s section yk how that went. I enjoyed my day alone and I finished it by getting really high and watching HBO Max. When SM did come back she was basting break up music as if something happened with irrelevant even thigh they had called it quits in May im pretty sure but whatever. I got some pretty bad news while there but I won’t harp on that because God worked it out and everything is much much better now. When we came back I was already planning my next trip to Dallas and I was so excited to go again. I LOVE TEXAS like it just makes me feel so little with so much to do and so many places to explore ❤️ 

September-September was slow and boring, classes , work and tryin at the YouTube thing again. So at the end of sept. I went to Dallas again mostly just to get away and while there on the first day we (me and SM) went to a water epic water park… yall on the first day there tmw my phone gone jump in the pool with me and broke. Spent the second day if he trip going to apple in the yt people area just fro the dude to talk to me like I was slow and made me walk out. Went to my phone store and had to get into a lease to get my new phone 😭. I was not in the mood to be paying monthly fro no Rangoon phone but whatever I was still in Dallas fro three more days so I NEEDED a phone. Went to Olive Garden asa. Comfort place and called apple and went OFF bc how yall advertising the phone is water resistant and can last x amount of minutes under water just for my phone to be in for 30 seconds and break… yea no. I got transferred 3 times to finally get to someone who said they will pay for my phone to get fixed so that was that. So that trip stared off really poorly AND the 🍃 man got locked up so we had nothin. Ended up going to a shop and getting some really overpriced 🍃 that did the job ig. So the rest of the trip was cool. Went to church with my aunt and really enjoyed being in a community Christ again. Following that my flesh wont and I decided to be messy giving into my flesh… so Tornado told SM he has a pick up bball game that night which ofc made me wanna go. I had to go see him play in real life and the opportunity presented itself. 

He said no at first bc his gf was gone be there as of that meant anything to me I just wanted to go to a game. YALL why this boy stare me down the I walked in and kept looking at me every time the game come close to where I was sitting and whole time his gf is there and I know she could tell what was happening. I started rooting of the other team so. Are it a point I was not there for him and SM gone say im petty… NO im trynna save face bc aint no one gone say im here for him. He played good enough still needed work on somethings I pointed out before but whatever. When the game was over he said sum to me that I didn’t hear (SM later asked he said Hey) and we left that was that… some time later they broke up hope to wasn’t bc of me but let my man be staring down his ex I would leave him too 

We went to a (Mexican) farmers market and yall was sooo fun they had chickens and goats and horses everything! Plus hella clothes and food. I really enjoyed that. Me and SM looked a two or three moths laces and that was the end of September 

October- Honestly this month was a filler month … nothing really happened I mostly just played in my hair  October was a month of great hair styles 

November- Boy oh boy November really showed upend showed out. So at this point me and SM had not found a place yet and was still on the fence about a few places so I had decided I was going to back to Dallas (alone this time) to mostly get out of indy but ofc go look at more places. While there I did reach out to Tornado and we had planned to go look at these places together for two reasons - 1. I didn’t want to rent a car 2. I wanted to be there with someone. YALL this goofy boy did EVERYTHING to annoy me and at a point just came out and asked to hump on me as if we hadn’t been or terrible terms for the past year. So being someone who JUST got off my cycle and was practicing abstinence again I was like nah. So me turning him down really set it in his mind that it was f me and he aint wanna help me out . Coo whatever if im just choochie to you then you nothing to me and I hit up his friend for some 🍃. We ended up smoking in his car and just chatting which let his friend now that im really that girl. He ended up texting me on snap about when id be back out there/when im officially moving so we can get some food. So yea that just reassured me that I was that girl and Tornado RUINED it for himself. Also while out there I decided to follow my spirit and trust God. So irrelevant told SM a week before my trip that his dad had been diagnosed with cancer again. And as b-made he is I was like nah he NEED his Deddy so by happenstance in bible study we talked about this book on unlocking you relationship with Christ and healing. I ordered the book and got in by Saturday with my trip on Tuesday. I first asked Tornado to deliver it for me and he was asking like a scared little kid “ion wanna get in trouble… if you want him to have it you should talk to irrelevant bc that got nothing to do with me” yall would think im trynna sell a dying man health insurance 😭 so I said whatever and mailed the book to his house the day I left. A week later tornado, irrelevant, and irrelevant Deddy BLEW UP SM phone on Thanksgiving goin off about ME sending a book. Just fyi SM said I shouldn’t have done it and I told her its beyond me im doing something with the Lord. I tell you bout niggah  bc why irrelevant Deddy talmbout this isn’t my religion, it makes me uncomfortable that she would send this and all this other childish stuff TO A TWENTY YEAR OLD sir you’re 50… and from this yall can see I wasn’t EVER pinned into this call that was all about me… weirdo behavior. *at work* So the following Tuesday SM gone say she wanted to talk to me after we haven’t spoken in an entire week so im like okay whatever. She gone try to make it seem like it’s my fault this boys called her. First of all everyone has my number and if its as really that much of an issue why didn’t you add me into the call? Exactly you just wanted to freely talk mess and THINK I was gone be okay with it because they stressed you out oh so much blowing up your phone. The phone you pay the bill on and if you didn’t want to talk you wouldn’t … remember you aint say nothing to me all week and im your best friend weird. So I tell her about herself because wheat you not gone do is try to play victim and she gone come out and say “you have a lot of drama its just always drama with you” HOW when I do all I can to not be in mess. So I told her if thats how you feel dont be coo with me she gone say “no I still want to be friends” *why would you want to be friends if I just bring drama to you?* so I say well ion wanna be your friend and left it at that. She huffed her breathe and walked out the room and I listened to my music and finished eating my lunch. So November ended on a sour note and I continued looking for a place in Texas for me now. Everyone I talked to said she did all this because she was scared to move and didn’t know how to tell me. Girl you could’ve said something when I was out there and I could’ve looked at one bedrooms but whatever. 

December- For December I spent my days looking and applying to new apartments in Dallas and Houston now. This was such a LONG and drawn pout process again but it made me feel better to know I was going to be alone not having to worry about anyone at all. Since I was still in indy but not working my mom asked me to come help run breaks for a day I said sure. So im running bathroom breaks first in order of who got there. So the girl who she was in a room with came in first and (SM now named scary)Scary was one of the last people on my list so I go ask the girl if she needs a break she say no and I start to walk out as I get out the door Scray gone say “raggedy Bitch” girl now lets be for real… you had to wait till my back was turned to you because you and I both know you couldn’t say it to my face… was it for laughs? So yk what I did went and told management… now you gotta go home for verbally assaulting a coworker who was simply doing what the list said… goofy

AND when I went back in for her break oh girl she was with was hush quiet bc I really wanna know who THINKS they can really step to me. From how it all happened ik that oh girl charged Scary up bc when she talked to the manager she said that oh girl said I wanted to fight her… if I wanted to whoop you I would’ve said from my mouth I wanted to dog walk you I dont need no help talking for myself and I thought that was clear to her by now. Oh well more money in my pocket 🤷🏽‍♀️ December went and now its time to move!

January- I moved two days after my birthday which made me a little sad just because I wanted to be in my own place by my birthday but now that I’ve been there for a while im glad everything went he way it did. I spent my birthday with my sister(s), cousins and a few friends getting high and eating some good food. The move was hard on me, trying to pinch pennies I rented a mini van instead of haul and drove those 15hrs. The trip itself wasn’t bad it was just sooooo boring because it was just me and my thoughts. I got soooo tried by the time I ht Arkansas so I stopped and ate which made it so much worse, ngl I almost ran off the road bc I was so sleepy. BUT the Lord had me so I made it safely to Houston! The place I moved to was my first time ever seeing it and I got to Thank God because he made sure I washing in no rat hole I returned the rental and ubered to a car dealership where I was turned down. I knew this much God had a plan for me because I was supposed to start working that Wednesday and it was Monday. So in Tuesday I called around and a dealership ubered me to them in Northern Houston 45 min away. We went though all the steps and I got approved for my Nissan ✨ yes im a Nissan girly now lol . January was mostly me learning what was around me and getting to and from work which was in Deerpark Tx. If you know Houston then yk Deerpark is 40 min away. I didn’t realize where I was applying until I was already there with the job. So this was a hurdle I had to work around but with God I prevailed. 

February- So February… the shortest month and the longest at the same time. On the first a coworker hit my car as she was pulling out of the parking lot and dented the mess out of my rear passenger door (its still not fixed 4 months later) being a good Godly woman I said I dont want to get the people involved and she can just get me a new door and have her husband install it. Sometime is think I should’ve involved the people but whatever shoulda coulda woulda whatevers. So that started off my black history month but the storm was still in store. So there was a literal tornado that came so very close to my job which made me just want to got out of there. The girls I was in a. classroom with didn’t know how to react under pressure lookin out the window at the sky and said “the sky looks green thats weird” girl that means the nado is close get these kids in the hall. The lights went out and its thundering just a mess. Since it came so close to us the power was knocked out for a few days and I got paid time off to sit at home and plan my break to a new job. So now it’s valentines day and im at work minding ym black owned business and Tornado text me on some BS like the biggest BS he could’ve came up with 

*in invisible ink* So we f*ckin 

*reg text* naw im jp but happy valentines day 

Me very confused … marks it as unread and doesn’t reply until March (said I need a plug when I was stuck out there for a night at the end of Feb he read it like a bitch)… so later that night I talk with ym cousin she was reading instagrams saying men who text their ex on valentines day are criminal and if God dont talk LOUD then idk what he does because that was all him. I was debating tectonic him back something slick but God shut me up through her. So I fihsish washing my dishes and get in the shower and bed. February was boring. Me and my other cousin started going on nature walks on Sunday as a way to walk her dog and catch up (see how I arranged that… its about the dog the catch up is just because we are both there) So we did that a few times but around April we stopped honestly I think its because I kept having reasons not to go that it was more effort to see if we were going or not

March- So march was really so slow nothing really happened… I texted tornado 

Hey so I feel like we should clear the air since we are so close now… lets talk 

Huh no

Ion except that

I feel like you got some stuff on yo chest 

Im in a relationship nigga tf (me hearts the message)

Im so happy for you…. No no more valentines texts? Coo coo thanks 💋

Wym (deletes message)

Not to be mean 

Just sayin 

Why you delete yo other messages… yk I already seen it

But any the ways I aint take nothing w offense it aint mean shit its a good thing… good for you imhappy for you go be happy for yourself and not be in my phone… (he questioned the message)

Bc tbh when you sent m that all I thought was he aint got no one else to say that shit to 🤔…

I gotchu 

So that was the beginning of March… shortly after this I transferred to a new daycare center which just let my know I never really wanted dot work with kids. The director was not the best at her job and it showed with the staff so I got a job for a daycare temp/ substitute. I still dont like working with children and am trying to get out of it day by day. 

April- In April I went back to Indy for a week or two for my dads birthday and by the end of it I was OVER it all. Me and my dad swapped some words which ended with him saying “its fine shell be gone in a. Few days” which really drove into me that ion need to be around this energy. I was so excited to return back to my place 1000 miles away and told myself and mother that I will not be coming back for his birthday any more. 

May- May was like every other month but on the 21st it was my nieces first birthday! So ofc I had to come back to indy for that yall I came May 20th and im still here… its June 25th and my flight back isn’t till July 7th😭 I miss my bed so bad. Since being here nothing really has been happening just working at the daycare tryna get them kids back together. Scary messed them kids up real good because they are and asf now. Most of my first few weeks was just getting back into the mindset that I am the teacher and they have to listen to me. We just now getting back to being fun with each other

June- Quick add on From the end of December to the first week of February me and FWB were on regular speaking terms and that whole thing is a story in itself but its comes back this month… alright so now June. It hasn’t really been all that as you can see fro the last post I been bored so chose to be messy but other than that nothing really. So FWB reacted t my story on some flirty vibes which I steered into hyping my head up which he did. He trynna come see me in Houston but boy ik you just wanna hump me and im on my abstinence journey until I get my ring. We stopped talking in Feb because I flat out told him ion care about his situationship with his ex and that I wanted to get otp to talk about a show. If anything I was being a stingy friend but whatever.