#Some of those notes were from myself
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I posted 1,157 times in 2022
That's 1,074 more posts than 2021!
74 posts created (6%)
1,083 posts reblogged (94%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@softichill
@calagua
@reffiespace
@regardsandregrets
I tagged 1,151 of my posts in 2022
Only 1% of my posts had no tags
#reblog - 1,051 posts
#text post - 141 posts
#reblog game - 133 posts
#my stuff - 90 posts
#video - 70 posts
#important - 70 posts
#birds - 43 posts
#tw caps - 41 posts
#tw swearing - 39 posts
#gif - 37 posts
Longest Tag: 124 characters
#the disappointment is immeasurable when i check out an album and find only one song has the right sound to it from that band
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
That post I just reblogged reminded me of how much I hate the color salmon, especially when I try to sort items by color, specifically Silly Bands.
I collected Silly Bands as a kid (still have them by the way) and there was this one...just this one that was salmon. Pretty sure itâs a fire extinguisher, but I would end up putting it in the pink pile, then the orange pile, then the pink, then the orange, and I just couldnât accept it in either pile so I left it all alone which also made me unhappy because it was the only one that didnât have any color matches.
Salmon is too orange to be pink and too pink to be orange.
7 notes - Posted July 6, 2022
#4
Gonna talk about some serious stuff.
If youâre not up to hear about sickness or hospital or personal stuff, please donât read under the cut because thatâs what Iâll be talking about and Iâll be giving some details which will probably be tmi (to much information) but I wanna let those who want to know whatâs up some detailed stuff about whatâs been going on.
If you donât want to read all that: I havenât been feeling good for about a week+ now. I have been trying to get a diagnosis. I got nothing so far.
For the past...a few days over a week now, Iâve been waking up feeling pretty bad. Rapid heartbeat, cold chills (usually), uneasy stomach, weakness, diarrhea, dehydration, it hasnât been fun. Itâs been hard for me to get into the right mood to eat something even when Iâm hungry, and recently Iâve also been unable to tell when my bladder is full and also the past two days when I woke up my feet were halfway asleep. This has never happened before and itâs been worrying me.
I went to an Urgent Care three days ago. They took swabs for covid and flu. Both were negative. They took a urine test, and they found nothing. They want me to bring them a stool sample, which I hope will give them the answers that they need to help me feel better, but some issues came up where that day I barely ate anything, then next I was able to eat, and this morning I incorrectly got a sample because they originally gave me the wrong stuff (AKA not enough stuff) and no instructions.
Yesterday I went to the hospitalâs emergency room to get some stuff done. They took blood samples, urine samples, and did a covid swab. All came back without any answers. I thought I may have been low on iron, but they said that my iron levels were fine, I was just dehydrated.
I have a doctorâs appointment in 7 days. I hope either Urgent Care figures out whatâs going on or I feel better before that appointment. I can tell Iâve already lost weight and my energy levels have been pretty low. I donât want to have to wait that long to possibly get an answer.
8 notes - Posted September 15, 2022
#3
Today is my birthday.
I know itâs 8pm and I could have posted this a lot earlier but I was distracted by getting and later eating cake.
9 notes - Posted August 28, 2022
#2
The fun thing about listening to radio static for hours on end is that you begin to hear things that arenât really there.
Voices, music, patterns, indistinguishable tones. You catch small glimpses of these sounds, small scraps of something that never was.
You hear the ghosts of stations youâve listened to, frequencies youâve picked up in the past. But itâs just you and the sound of undead air.
10 notes - Posted August 7, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
Oh shoot it's National Throw Short People Day.
Have mercy on me!
(â_â;)
12 notes - Posted October 21, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review â
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suicide cw
look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldnât wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i donât feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope heâs like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am.Â
ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.
this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while iâm not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i donât want to think he has, unfortunately, itâs been proven again and again that his word canât be trusted, as heâs known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. Iâm actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidzâ˘ď¸ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.
He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!
you canât tell me that supposed last message of his isnât meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame âlook iâm going to kill myself and itâs all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nickâs (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BADâ he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.
itâs also pretty ironic people are like âuhhh well hbomberâs fans harassed him!!!â like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesnât have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after heâs stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like âhey this guys an actual piece of shit.â and he canât handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesnât get that. he doesnât get that at all just because he couldnât handle the consequences of his actions.Â
what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT.Â
am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i donât care what anyone says, itâs so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didnât happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didnât glorify naziâs and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesnât straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying âonly the boring gays survived aidsâ like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!
yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).
The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didnât need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, youâre not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. youâre done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. itâs not on anyoneâs hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.
#warning: do not read this post if you want me to be nice to james somerton. i am extremely mean in this post.#before anyone accuses me of shit i legit never contacted him myself or anyone involved. i am someone who witnessed this behavior repeatedly#again. i hope hes alive and well. the fact is him lying about this WOULD BE THE IDEAL SITUATION. BC NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THAT. but.#he HAS to forever be the victim in his eyes. attempting doesnt automatically mean youre free of sin.#its just terrible to see that regardless whether or not he did do it#its very clear his attempts to run away from his consequences are working on some people#we need to acknowledge that if your shitty ex friend can weaponize a threat to kill themselves#so can this internet person after being called out for horrendous shit#like what was the alterative? what were people supposed to fucking do? be nice about it?#yeah as if poc and trans women arent historically given shit for being 'too mean' about wanting justice.#this isnt just the plagiarism this is the fact a white dude has been parading himself as THE speaker for the gays(tm) but has been using hi#gayness to shield himself from his misogyny racism transphobia and antisemitism#its very clear regardless this means that ppl r going to side with him and then give him benefit of doubt#if you cant handle the heat stay out of the fucking kitchen dude. this is the consequences of your fucking actions.#hes a disgusting person who cant handle being told no so hes going to drag everyone down with him#like. idk this entire situation is frustrating to me.#its also frustrating ppl trying to be moral abt it like 'see! i knew this was bad all along!' no you didnt. shut it.#for the record im like mainly talking abt twit watching those spineless uwu cutesy ppl basically saying hes done noting wrong#oh and also alt righters who are clearly weaponinizing this where u know they wouldnt give a shit if a right ytber did this.#james somerton#idk might delete this later its just. ugh...
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the complete eri guidebook (2023) full version under the cut ⥠pdf ver. happy birthday @xiaojuun !! <3
credits. with the help of: meg (@hozierbyrne) // brina (@aquablues) // alĂŠks (@possession1981) // vianey (@souladies) // lili (@ninqz) // aweks (@awek-s) // miha (@jaebeomtual) // rachel (@gnanii) // mare (@dongkwan) // ro (@sunghanbin) // rosie (@kimjiwoong) // lulu (@fushigojos) // sofi (@yukuz) graphics: gift boxes // broccoli // orange fruit watercolor // lip print textures // notion-style scribbles // healthcare vector icons // human anatomy icons // film cutouts pack // 3d travel icons // drinks vector icon set // coffee outline illustration pack // baby vector icon pack
#*mine#oorieri#genuinely thank you SO MUCH for participating @ everyone who did . and if i didn't contact u ... im so sorry i probably didnt fully realize#that u were friends with eri um . sowwie#thank you for finding the time to think about this and . for those who did . for sending in your answers i lob u this is only possible beca#because so many people agreed to help...#a note to meg!! specifically!! because you did so much (from being my first interviewee and my lab rat to responding to the few questions i#had . to suggesting people to include and offering your help with contacting some people (although it did not work out in the end as i said#i really appreciated the thought!!)#note for meg (2): i ended up not being able to use indesign at all... it was too big for my poor little tablet skjsk i got rlly excited abt#n downloaded it strategically for the free trial to expire today or tomorrow but. had to uninstall right away... sighs)#special thanks to lili for being so sweet . i think we became a bit closer through the messages we exchanged in between this project <3#special thanks to rachel and mare who i know are both really good friends with eri but who aren't exactly familiar with me... i was really#nervous messaging you both so thank you for being so sweet and for participating despite life not exactly helping!!#note for rachel: im sorry i ended up casually calling you rachie in my head the past month or so .. forgive me#special thanks to lulu for being willing to participate#a big thank you to everyone for opening up#and thank you to gabi and sarah who did try their best to find the means to participate#big thank you to gimp for crashing so many times while i was making this & to myself for overriding one of the most important files acciden#accidentally. good job#and finally. the BIGGEST thank you to OUR BELOVED ERI who. clearly. is just the biggest sweetest sunshine & the bestest friend to all of us#thank you for everything always ... i hope you're sleeping well by now#and of course: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i truly wish you all the best today. and this month. and the next year and the next one and the next one an#i love you. <3 i really do#and so does everyone! clearly!!
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not-yet-dead-person
silly comic of a conversation in-game i thought was too funny not to make something proper for instead of a doodle ww
(timelapse + wip images (thus silly process commentary in read more if you like artist commentary :3)
i think the sketch looks silly and goofy and funny so i find it important to share with you the mere presence of the faces i drew on it. i drew it on top of the boxes without staying inside its borders because i find my proportions can get wonky if i draw them cropped in a restricted space. and I feel trapped otherwise and i will draw BAD!!! give me spaceeeee to go wild!!!!
the head circles are there for emotional support
very low res speedpaint because truth is the canvas was much bigger than the space where my comic was placed. i didnt account when exporting my timelapse in 720px that that tiny space would look so pixelated ... but it's able to be percieved, so its okay.
(i will now comment on my process and it is not brief sorry)
usually i would try to clean up my sketches and figure out what goes on top before jumping into linework, but since there are multiple panels and drawings i chose to jump into inking right away for the sake of brevity. i just went in with a brush that uses pen pressure and drew what was needed. i added extra line thickness and contrast in areas around the face because it helps direct your eyes there more easily that way.
according to her equipment rei has a chain belt but i only remembered it existed once I was going to color, and i did not like that discovery... I chose to ignore it to maintain my peace. i already have the color palettes for these characters figured out, and i didnt really want to think about a new element at the moment www I tend to overthink those things a lot so i skipped it
the rest is rather straightforward! not that anything else wasn't, but in here i could turn my brain off and sing. linework and sketching require mumbling so i cannot turn my brain off. just block in the characters with a solid color so i can have a mask (something along those lines,) where the color can stay inside. then just color in !!!
Base colors just had slight cell shading on the skin, and for the hair i airbrush a bit of the skincolor in low opacity near the forehead... I'm not sure what it means, but i can look at the faces easier with it somehow. i like the gentle subtlety it adds even if you cant really tell. it makes things look nice.
background was just me blocking in the color of the wall and floor, shade the wall a bit, then slap a noise and free use wood texture on top. work smarter not harder ! yet it took a bit to make it look stylistically fitting with the characters, and even now i think bottom middle panel looks odd. whatever!!!
for the middle panel i thought itd be funny if the background was a solid silly and colorful one to contrast the next panel's sketchy black one. a contrast to how the word widow is seen. on that note my handwritting is not pointy. i gaslighted my hand into thinking that it was indeed pointy in that moment so i could write "not-yet dead person" in letters that didn't seem cute. my hand did not fall for it but it complied anyway
that's basically it! I'm not sure what else i could say that doesn't feel barebones because it really is that straightforward. if you're curious I used clip studio paint for this. only special brush used was for linework (a brush named Lemon Brush), the rest used were just the default. my computer gets the least credit. it was trying to convince me a 20mb file was going to nuke it all the time and hardly let me save multiple times so i do not appreciate it
#re:kinder#fanart#sayaka re:kinder#rei re:kinder#OH I ALREADY RAMBLED IN MY POST WHATEVER SHOULD I TALK ABOUT NOW IN MY TAGS UEEEEEEEđđđ#oh yeah do you want to know a fun fact about this drawing#i started it yesterday. i wasnt meant to I DID NOT HAVE PERMISSION...FROM MYSELF... i was meant to be on break#i self imposed a one week break from doing any rekinder related project after the transcript to avoid accidental burn out#NOT THAT I GOT TIRED OF IT AFTER THAT TRANSCRIPT NOT AT ALL#but jumping straight into more hours of creativr work after over 30 hours of it is asking for disaster. it is asking for burn out#yesterday was the last day . 12 hours were left but i was going to die if i didnt draw anything it would have been OVER#(aka my period started recently so i got very gloomy and depressed so i needed to run to my favorite stress relief...drawing rekinderâşď¸)#(on that note seriously what the fuck please explain the evolutionary advantage to getting horribly depressed every month)#(like hello?!?! rant real quickâ i get enough flashbacks everyday i DONT need them to last longer and have me more msierable ?!?!?)#(periods are so dangerous to my mental health for no reason can i get a restriction order on them or some shit what the fuck)#(anyway thats enough of that break of character DONEEEE :3333)#SO YEAH I DIDNT EVEN LAST 7 WHOLE DAYS i even played a new game in between those 6 days youd think itd het my mind of rekinder. WRONNNNGGG#not even another devastating rpg horror gamr could divert my attention for long i hsd to draw rekinderđ#using the newfound power of mt transcript i was decided on drawing rei because i dont draw her enough for how high she is on my fvaorites#i was initially doodling random lines but then i stumbled upon this interactkon and it doesnt really fit into my usual expression sheets#so i thought hey lets do it asife#i thumbnailrd it and from there i was like hey lets do it in comic format isntead of separated messy doodles in tint canvas#and the rest is hisotry .... aka i spent the last two days doing this instead of doing MY HOMEWORK!!!!!#on my defense when i wasnt drawing i was horribly depressed i had no other choice#(seriously fuck off periods WHAT what do you mean i need to be distracted 24/7 to not be struck by crippling meltdowns LEAVE ME ALONE?!?!?)#(they should be banned we as a society should find like a . cure to them it dont do me good to have a whole week where i cant function)#these tags have been more of a weird rant im sorry IVE BEEN FEELING PEEEVEDDD LATELY SO YOU GET. STRANGE DROTTER LORE ????
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I think as writers we should hold funerals for our WIPs more often.
Dearly beloved, gather us here today where this fic of some middle-aged man getting rawdogged and this other fanfic about the importance of friendship are laid to rest, because the author got really distracted playing that new video game.
We celebrate what could have been, cut-and-recycle those really good lines or ideas, because I swear I'm going to use them, I swear! And drag this poor document not to the great recycling bin or trash, but to the "graveyard" folder because sometimes I like to commune with the dead.
#fanfic#Writing#I just had to throw out 5k words of a one shot over something I can't change/control but I never delete old WIPs#I do just put them in a folder and still backup that folder with my other files#Yes some of my earlier ideas were horrendous but also there's a part of me still there in each of them#Sometimes it's less about the writing and more about who I was I want to sometimes revisit#Who was the teen girl writing gore at 15 and what would she think of today's writing#Who was the insecure fearful loveless boy who over expressed his masculinity online and wrote tough lonely guy characters#I don't want to be them anymore but when I hate myself sometimes it's nice to read what I've written#You hear the problems you never thought youd overcome in the author notes or in the subject and those fears and pain#You also see the first time you wrote a subject#I wish I hadn't deleted lots of my writing from when I was very young#Some I did because it legitimately could cause or encourage harm if left online#But I think I always smile when I see the old âthis year is 8th gradeâ because by golly#Still think it's hilarious I got really into writing in middle school because I was jealous of someone else's writing ability in 6th grade#I can remember the exact moment I looked at my 2 page story and was filled with jealousy because they wrote 12 pages and my story felt so..#I remember going home and going 'i know I can write something good!' and people will like it!#And then like while looking for some place to upload writing I found fanfic
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patron saint of being hot
and a lot of skill and really interesting anecdotes about your life and having professors that give me second hand anxiety bc they seem kinda awful and mean. But mainly just being hot
ty! admittedly my professors are not that bad, ive only had one bad professor that was more incompetent that awful. if you want another anecdote, ill tell you about the only teacher i truly despise to this day (on the tags, cuz its a very dark story)
ask gamerino
#i retook that course with a different professor and passed expectacularly. now for the horrendous teacher#on this story we have vomiting injuries and attempted suicide so watch out#in my last two years of our highschool equivalent i had PE with a teacher that loved to play favorites#if u were on a sport team you were immediately given special treatment and as you might already tell i wasnt. i hate ball sports#i loved exercising but i dreaded PE because of her#i have a condition that made my periods incredibly painful and meself anemic so those weeks were hellish#even though i was a good student she would NEVER let me sit out the navette test. even with a doctors note#i would do my best and then literally go vomit and pass out in the bathroom cuz if i did it on the court i would be berated#that wasnt enough to earn my absolute hatred tho. we now move to the worst day of my life to this day#it was just getting to school from lunch (we could go home and have it there) and i had PE#when i get a text#it was my best friend being cryptic thanking me for being a friend and saying goodbyes#he was going to commit suicide#i absolutely lost my shit as one does and went on a rampage#i couldnt get in contact with anyone (his ex stepdad was abusive and isolated his family) and they didnt let me get out of school#i was desperate and my friends were trying to help me but i didnt know what to do. i called my mom and she called his school and then i just#sat and waited with a friend. while the other classmates did the navette test#the minutes passed. i got message from my bffs number and it was his mom telling me she found him just in time#i broke then. i started sobbing and screaming and scratching my arms and my friend held me and tried to keep me from hurting myself#some other classmates came concerned and tried to help#then the teacher came. she just looked at one of the volleyball girlies who shrugged#she didnt ask if i was ok or if i needed to call someone or go somewhere. she just asked if i planning to do the test#i said no and she left and i kept crying#when i felt stable enough i went to see what had happened and she just failed me. i couldnt give the test any other day and that was that#she simply didnt care#i had to calm myself down while writing this. its no use getting emotional over a teacher that didnt care#but i hate her. she made the worst day of my life worse and she doesnt know and doesnt care#that memory fuels me to never surrender to indifference and make the pain in this world worse#my bff got help he needed after that and our bond is stronger than ever. he never pulled something like that again#thats the story! not gonna tag this babes
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last week's lab was so incredibly short and simple that i'm, like, staring at my lab notebook notes like, "is this it? is this really it?" because the experimental section of the report is literally 221 words and three paragraphs long.
#we made an ester but my only notes on the scent are 'crude product has rather strong unpleasant smell'#and 'washing glassware with water --> smells like almond jello'#like not even regular almonds it smelled Specifically like the almond jello from the mix you get at the asian grocery store#i'm also sensitive to strong scents so i also was like. deliberately trying not to smell things too closely#it's kind of funny bc i was also like. the first person in the lab to identify the smell they were like 'hey hua smell this'#n i was like 'ohhh that's familiar' n they were like 'i know right??' n we were like. but what could it be.#somehow i unlocked those memories of cooking as a child n i was like 'ohmygod *almond jello*' n they were like 'OMG YOU'RE RIGHT'#čąčŠą#anyway i also found a spectra database that is Not wiley spectrabase#(by which i mean that i went poking around the resources the prof has posted on the canvas n saw he linked to one)#so this means i can finally do those hnmr and cnmr spectra analyses! holy fuck!!#wiley spectrabase is my archest of archenemies because it doesn't!! let me see the spectra!!!!!!!!!!!#n like i Tried to go digging around for others but although i know of Some ways to find obscure but reliable data sites#i just Could Not find any others bc modern search engines are shiet#(but also it's kind of on me for not poking around the canvas a bit more myself lol)
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this website is not beating the piss poor reading comprehension allegations
#you seriously need to put like an essay of caveats on anything you write. like im asking a pretty simple question#how was your schools geography education and where did you grow up. easy enough#and you have people like well i dont know what to say because i taught myself a lot of geographyâŚ. OKAY. WELL DID YOUR SCHOOL TEACH YOU IT.#NO? THEN THE ANSWER IS FUCKING NO LIIIKEEEEEE#also of course there are the people in the notes like YEAH AMERICANS CANT BLAME THEIR LACK OF GEOGRAPHY KNOWLEDGE ON POOR SCHOOLING#THEY SHOULD KNOW BETTER AND EDUCATE THEMSELVES like ohhhhh my god. thats kind of the fucking point of this#like im trying to make my geography skills better bc i never had a class or even a unit of one devoted to it#beyond elementary school having us learn the states and capitals anything else was kind of a side effect of history classes#and those were focused most on central/west europe north and some of south america and then china and india#like. of course its important to know geography. is that what im fucking saying? no you fucking idiot#its literally that so many people from the us have poor geography because out schools dont prioritize it. why are you making it some moral#failing of the STUDENT instead. literally not helping anybody#alsoâŚ.. my godâŚ. what IF đąâŚâŚ that very lack of geography education could CONTRIBUTE to the culture of individualism and xenophobiaâŚ. đąđąđ¤Żđ¤Żđ¤Ż
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head in hands FINAL FANTASY
#đ.rambles#i just. really want to listen to dedicated to moonlight already it's driving me insane#n i really want to replay ffix 𼺠i still rmb playing a lot through yk terra n pandaemonium n stuff n that ancient tree#during those brownouts hehe. i still rmb very well#i remember going upstairs n crying to myself in a corner bcs of the ending#w vivi !!!! :c n then i got infuriated too bcs i didn't realize i accidentally turned off bgm midway my game or smth#i have no idea how i didn't notice#but i was waiting for melodies of life n it didn't play đđ so yeah that's how i realized. but i went back a bit tho#so i cld listen from around. hmmm i can't rlly remember but at least w behind the door & melodies of life yes#n then before ffix was ff7r i rmb apollo n i watching some ff7r stuff n cc on yt then#our dad saw n the day after he bought it :^) i love my family sm sobs#n then we used to take turns bcs only 1 ps4 then n we'd also sched like. 2 hours play n then 30 minutes rest or smth#i rmb when zack first appeared i was crying too man T_T i love video games n stories sm bcs#back then i rlly bottled my emotions even more n yk ^^ were an outlet :^) i love them so very much#OH YEAH finally finished ffxv too then đ¤ kh3 too around that time bcs. yk 2020 lockdown. a lot of switch games too#i still rmb my notes while playing those games T_T#& i rmb looking too around like. early october or even earlier i think. i was searching up a bunch of ff charas#hang on. i said i'll be productive but i really really don't want to work on this script#tmrrw i can rest though. don't rlly have much to do aside from. ah reviews on saturday i have to catch up#bcs i got sick last saturday n cldn't pay attention :c but other than that. the stuff due next week mon/tues r easy#n wed to fri no classes <3 just. have to get this bs done. i hate my group.
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noooooo i can't go downstairs to get water bc i was singing real loud and i don't wanna face my family and theyre down thereeeeee in the living rooooooommmmm :((((
#aghhhhhhh aoughh#but it could be hoursss :((#and im thirsty from. yknow. all the singingggg#went to a party with karaoke and didn't manage to do a solo song (tbf none of the songs were solo) even though my voice is pretty alright#it was definitely fun-priority mistakes-allowed-and-expected karaoke but that also meant i was supposed to pick songs they could sing#along to and i always forget those/have little point of reference for what others are likely to know#anyway made some bonds on that couch#one of the girls asked me for my number. she was real bubbly and considerate of like. trying to pick songs i knew and stuff#so hopefully i get a new friend out of this âď¸âď¸đŤś#(was that gay???? technically she asked for my ig mine's just not working rn. am i being gay flirted with??? whats happening. probably not)#whatever point is i spent a while working myself up but didnt end up getting to do my thing so my ass was in the bathroom for like an hour#just. singing wayyy too loudly. way way way too loud. these walls are thin the only thing protecting me is my family's knowledge that#any indication that they heard it would kill me on the spot. we've already had one mishap but he's outta the house rn so like. it's down#to the others#and i was Going for the higher notes (i mean theyre not THAT high i just sing deep so im not used to them) so like. even more noticable#ough
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I like the accessibility, but Iâd honestly have expected to see more âfuck you, mineâs betterâ fanslation takes and I am thoroughly disappointed.
I miss getting a bonus packet of translatorâs notes at the end of something as well.
I feel like we've lost something linguistically with the rise of professional subtitles for everything because they just adapt jokes and idioms into their nearest English equivalent and lose cultural context. I miss watching anime in 2002 with subs by some guy who was just really passionate about japanese and would fill half the screen with an in-depth breakdown of why a pun works. I'm serious I want that again.
#something something to do with copyright or translation rights that I don't 100% remember but it's a drag.#copyrights and wrongs#anime#world&history#BONUS TAKE: I often prefer to see the translation split the difference and have them go with the nearest Eng equivalent but with an *#where they go off on ''well they literally said this which is the same concept but is the most common take where the author's from''#and just do the full on translator's note/explain the reference for stuff that doesn't have an easier translate#my friend and I have had several arguments where we arrive at the same conclusion from different directions#the most recent one I think was about whether a restaurant deal had a direct English translation#in Machikado Mazouku and NO I do not know whether that is the correct quantity of ''u''s#And she paused the anime so I could see the translator's note and I said ''endless noodles''#''they're describing one of those ''infinite fries'' deals but with another food. they should totes keep the translator's note though''#''because some people want to know the background of just how well that actually looks like it translates''#''also to take pity on the .002% of people who won't make the connection of 'ohhhhh what WE have at Crapplebees'''#and she's like ''but that's not what the translator's notes are for'' and I'm like ''well it's useful when things serve multiple purposes''#I think our main argument is which phrase goes in the subtitle at the bottom of the screen and which goes in the translator note at the top#to which I concede ''who cares as long as you pause it so I can read them''#so yeah I think she's right except for formatting preferences#which are preferences and not better or worse methods#mad disrespect for whomever made Hibiki from Symphogear swear though in one sub we tried she doesn't seem like the type#even if the subs themselves were easier for me to read >_<#Iâll admit one problem I have with seeing more than one translation myself though#is that I end up wanting to Frankenstein the bits I prefer from each one into a new one#and I completely lack the technical ability to do that.
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Pizza delivery drivers of Reddit, what are some of the craziest reasons people have ended up on the âno delivery listâ?
gameryamen
I worked for a pizza place that was near a very large software company. Deliveries to the neighborhoods or offices where all the tech workers lived was usually pretty awesome because they'd tip rather well. But there was one apartment that started to become a concern for us drivers. The man ordering was always polite, always paid, always tipped $4, and he would have been a perfect customer. He'd order breadsticks and a salad twice a week, and sometimes he'd include a bottle of root beer. Except when he opened his door, you could see an alarming amount of our breadsticks boxes stacked everywhere inside. Not like a few on the counter and a couple by the trash, stacks and stacks of them. Even worse, it was only our boxes in there. He wasn't just ordering from us often, we were the only place he was getting food outside of work. Now, I've worked in some of those tech offices myself, I know that there's enough decent food options just hanging out in the break rooms that this guy was probably not malnourished, but the way his living space was a shrine of greasy cardboard was a clear sign that this guy didn't have a healthy relationship with our food. Our manager was a really cool dude though, and he heard the drivers joking about the boxes and asked a couple of us "Is this like a messy guy or a guy who needs help?" We agreed it was probably the latter. So on his day off, the manager went to the guys apartment with an envelope that had gift cards for several other restaurants that delivered in that area and chatted with him. Manager found out that the guy was an immigrant on a Visa who was struggling to find American food he liked, and too socially awkward to ask anyone. So he talked with him through a few menus and helped him with some recommendations. Then he helped the guy load all the old boxes into his truck to take to the dump, in exchange for a promise not to order from us more than once a week. For a little while, the manager had a note on the calendar showing the last time the guy had ordered, and a couple times he had to hold his ground and refuse the guy's order. But after that chat, I never saw the stacks of boxes again, and the guy would boast about the different meals he'd had.
what the fuck dude, this is so sweet.
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Every now and then I get haunted by my past as a dr fan because someone mentions it or smth and lemme tell you the worst case scenario is if they bring up v3 in an even slightly positive light because nothing will make me start giving a shit abt dr again except for my burning hatred of that damn game, I just spent like 30 minutes ranting to myself about how much of a nothing character Kokichi is in the bathroom after showering just to vent it out because if I don't rant abt v3 every now and then I'll explode and kill someone
#rat rambles#like I generally think I had a lot of dogshit takes and sucked ass at au making and character analysis back in my dr days#but like I still stand by most of my gripes with v3 even if my old rewrite concepts also sucked#look man those were dark times my previous main interest was cr and the one before that was hs#also I had never actually posted about my thoughts before so I was a bit trigger happy with saying shit with my full chest#Im still prone to having bad takes on things to be clear even with oni I had a lot of bad takes when I first got into it#tbf I was mostly trying to talk myself down from going deeper but I evidently failed. hard.#but yeah I should delete my old fandom blog became every day I see my old dr posts get notes and I die a bit more#oh wait one dr rewrite thing I still stand by is my humam chiaki shit I was onto smth#like I still agree human chiaki should have never existed but I also think her existing as an individual who was wildly different from#ai chiaki is deeply interesting and also leaves space for some fun fucked up tragedy shit for both chiaki's#like I still like a lot of my old ideas for my rewrite of that stuff especially likey characterization was off for most of the cast but I#was cooking with the basic concepts and narrative I <3 taking characters that ppl idolize post their death and shifting the narrative to#show that they weren't a hero nor could they ever have been they were just some guy who went through horrible shit and died miserable#its one of my favorite things to do in fiction even now so ofc Im still fond of my older stuff with it on some level#like mannn why did I have to go so hard on what ultimately amounted to an au character and proceed to drop the ball on everything else lol#anyways I need to sleep before I start talking abt chiaki more yall dont need to see that <3#I mean hey could be worse. I could start talking abt my old cr stuff. we'd be here for at least a week straight#my old cr stuff was mostly actually pretty good it simply makes me sad because I put so much work and effort and made some fantastic#pieces of worldbuilding and character concepts for a mobile cookie game that sucks absolute ass#I ofc will still happily recycle concepts from my old cr stuff but like so much of it is just impossible to remove from context its so sad#ok ok gn for realsies this time
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NOT SAYING âI LOVE YOUâ BACK.
ę°warningsęą not proofread pls donât yell at me *sniffles*
â ę˛ ` synopsis . . . [char] and you tend to say your i love yous pretty regularly, itâs become a subconscious routine for the both of you; what would happen if either one of you just suddenly didnât respond?
â ę˛ ` characters . . . venti, diluc, xiao, tartaglia, kazuha, ayato, alhaitham, wanderer, lyney, neuvillette, wriothesley, arlecchino
â ę˛ ` notes . . . ŕ´Śŕľŕ´Śŕ´ż(・â˘Ě á^) drabbles vary in length significantly becauseâŚiâm a little unwell with astarion brainrot rn and i will not rest till i get to kiss my beautiful vampiric man â also i apologise for making some of these more angsty than intendedâŚi couldnât help myself haha
VENTI â 渊迪
ę° him not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
Ę venti? of all people? not saying i love you to his beloved windblume whom heâd personally resurrect ancient gods for if they asked with that sweet, melodic voice of theirs?
�� the only viable reason for him not replying can most likely be bottled down to him being a brat. a spoiled one at that. you give him so much affection itâs a little scary sometimes to think someone just know all of his ins and out as if they held his heart within the palm of their hand meaninglessly. so how do you expect him to be satisfied with a mere phrase when he wants you so desperately?
âiâm leaving for a commission, iâll be back in a few hours; love you, honey.â you said per routine, fixing your hair in the mirror that stood perfectly near the doorway under ventiâs request (he likes seeing how his braids look after you do them in the morning).
what you expected was a reply, but certainly not the one that followed: âalright, bye bye~â venti tilted his head back as his body slinked on the couch, his eyes scanning yours upside down with that look on his face which suggested he knew exactly what he was doing.
âgoodbye, venti, i love you.â you re-enunciate, arms crossing firmly over your chest pridefully to mirror ventiâs stubbornness that fell immediately upon sight of your pretty face glancing over at his. oh, he really couldnât resist you for too long.
âiâll say it back if you stay with me today!â he giggled, teeth on full display as he grinned widely; fully aware youâd indulge him even if for only a little while.
ę° you not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
âwindblumeâŚâ venti sadly slumped his head on your shoulder, leaving enough space for his eyes to glance at the book in your hands as you continued to read despite his sulking.
âi accidentally packed my schedule full with a flurry of performancesâŚiâm afraid i wonât be able to indulge in your cuddles all day like i wanted to,â he whined, kissing the side of your neck to compensate for the lack of affection heâs going to have to put up with.
really, if he could, heâd pretend all the strings on his lyre magically untuned themselves into havoc if it meant giving an excuse to be back in your warm hold. but as a god of the wind, and one who shared the passions of music no less, it was more or less his duty to share his w with the residents of mondstadt when asked so kindly.
âi promise iâll return to you soon as i can! no quick stop at angelâs share this time either,â venti managed a chuckle despite the inner thumping of his heart at the mere prospect of returning home to you â an experience he never thought heâd fulfil in his lifetime. âi love you dearly, my darling, iâll see you soon~â
he leaned over the back of the couch to help reach the side of your face, lips pursing into a fish-like pout as he awaited to hear those beloved words that were always followed by a rewarding kiss. yet you merely hummed in acknowledgement of his presence and his soon departure.
who do you think you are?
ventiâs brows immediately knit down together in frustration. âwindblumeâŚi said, i love you,â he leaned closer, âsweetheartâŚcome on, say it back!â he finally nuzzled his cheek against yours, trying to elicit some sort of response from you that didnât border on full on ignoring him. usually that slight uplift of your lips would be enough, but with the additional context that heâd be away from you for so long, venti couldnât cope with a mere smile!
feeling a little flicker of breeze behind you, goosebumps prickle your skin and a delicate shiver runs down your spine, the little gust of wind disappearing as quick as it came. venti hooked his fingers beneath your chin, delicately forcing your eyes to meet his. âwonât you tell your god you love him?â
those gorgeous and elaborate white wings of his flutter quietly, twitching in anticipation as he excitedly awaits for what heâs been dying to hear. you sigh, leaning towards him to press the most featherlight kiss on the side of his face. âi love you too, now go along already, youâre going to be late.â
R. DILUC â 迪ĺ˘ĺ
ę° him not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
Ę youâve probably, unfortunately, caught him at a relatively bad time if he had completely ignored your affections. after all, while not necessarily a really active recipient, diluc is more than happy to indulge your carefree âi love yousâ and kisses.
Ę thereâs no way heâd ever intentionally ignore or not reply to an âi love youâ, especially one thatâs so sickly sweet to his ears
âiâm going to bed, luc,â you yawn, arms stretching far out in front of you as you push yourself away from the desk that was littered with several papers stacked on top of each other in various piles that were marked by different pen colours. âyou better come join me soon, alright? i love you.â
diluc hums and nods his head, eyes sunken into his skull as his fingers continue flipping the pen within his hand in a sleepy dance as he just barely managed to focus on the words that seemed to squeeze together. none of yours even register in his mind as you sorrowfully close the office door to head to your usually shared bedroom.
it only takes a little while for his brain to catch up to his heart. so thatâs why he felt it flutterâŚ
diluc immediately packs away his things to the best of his drowsy ability, hanging up his coat that he honesty forgot he still had draped on himself before he burst into your bedroom rather dramatically. panting from having rushed himself, his arms propping himself up with both sides of the door way, diluc looks away all flushed.
ââŚi love you as well, iâm sorry for not saying it,â he sighs in comfort as you raise a brow at him, amused at just how quickly he managed to wrap thing ups purely out of guilt that he failed to reciprocate your intentions.
ę° you not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
oh. wellâŚyouâve mustâve had a reason, right?
you wouldnât just leave right in the morning for a commission, tell him goodbye when he declared his love to you without you repeating the same routine back to him? right?
and yet, you did; and now diluc finds himself in the peculiar position of being overly worried. he has strength, power and stability beyond imagination, but without your affection as fuel, what use are those things?
staring back at the ticking clock continuously, the wet rag in hand helping him clean up some ink that spilled across his hands as a frustrated groan escaped him. what kind of man have you turned him into that he canât even focus on important tasks merely because you didnât say a few simple words?
maybe thatâs where the problem lies. the words âi love youâ always seemed simple to you, something that diluc can admit had found himself jealous of on occasion, so now that heâs absent from something so easy, itâs a little difficult to not overthink the possibilities that the phrase has become harder to swallow for you.
diluc nearly slams his head on his desk at such a thought. he canât lose his mind over something so silly, itâs fine. youâre both fine.
taking another meandering glance at the clock, dilucâs chair scraped across the wood as he flung on his coat, brushing it clean as he sauntered downstairs with the most grumpy expression dawn winery has seen in a while.
âhoney, why do you look so upset?â your sweet voice lured him back into sanity as dilucâs steps immediately calmed down, his eyes widening momentarily as you seemed to return much earlier than expected from your travels. shaking his head, diluc sighs, âitâs nothing, my love â letâs go out for dinner, is that all right?â
XIAO â é
not really a surprise, honestly.
xiao isnât necessarily known for being a fun-loving, happy-go-lucky, super affectionate bunny and as much as he wishes he could just vocalise the song that plays in his heart whenever you meet his eyes, heâs unable to reciprocate your affections in a way thatâs satisfactory.
youâve grown to accept such a fact. xiao, on the other hand, hasnât. itâs like a little itch for him that he canât scratch but desperately wants to. doesnât mean he wonât show his love in other more discreet ways.
there are the subtle things; like the way he ensures your favorite dish is always ready when you come over, how he lingers a bit longer during a goodbye hug almost as if heâs scared to let you go, or the times heâll simply sit in comfortable silence with you (though, that is common), his presence a quiet yet powerful testament to his feelings.
sometimes, he leaves small tokens for you to find: a flower carefully placed on your doorstep, a hand-written note slipped into your bag that you can tell was written in a hurry due to how sloppy the handwriting looks, a charm he crafted himself hidden among your belongings that he specifically sought the guidance of zhongli from. it's in these gestures that his love for you shines through, even if the words remain unspoken.
ę° you not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
there are times when xiao escapes his shell, and itâs in those quiet moments where youâre both completely alone without even the whistling of the wind to eavesdrop on you atop the comfortable slope of a mountain, that xiao verbally tells you how much he adores you. sometimes a little more poetically than intended, but he hopes his words pass through to you in the form of a flutter.
ââŚa vow as enduring as the sea and mountains,â xiao mumbled nervously, his hand awkwardly hovering over yours in hesitance before he sucked in a breath and decided to just give in and delicately interlock your fingers. watching as you tilted your head in confusion, xiao looked away and muttered again: âi meant that i love you.â
the silence and the little nod that followed, which was all meant as a little ploy to tease him for being so cute and flustered over a term you didnât even need to hear on the regular, resulted in xiaoâs chest to tighten anxiously. did you not feel the same way anymore? but then again, that devious smile of yours (which xiao could differentiate the style of pretty instinctively) made it certain there was a deeper meaning behind the quiet.
âit's alright," he whispered, his voice barely audible. "you don't have to say anything. i just wanted you to know."
TARTAGLIA â ĺ
Źĺ
ę° him not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
Ę petty petty petty, absolutely done out of pettiness and just being an overall ginger brat.
Ę you forgot to say good morning immediately after you woke up? haha, what was your name again? aw, you walked passed him on your travels even though he deliberately came over to see you? guess heâs not paying for all your stuff today⌠(he will, just ask).
one morning, groggy and half-asleep, you stumbled out of bed, forgetting to meekly mumble your usual "good morning, my darling, i love you" as you got up for the day. it was a small and rather insignificant oversight, but not for childe.
later that day, as you wandered through the vibrant streets of fontaine, you spotted his unmistakable ginger hair approaching. waving and smiling at your beloved, expecting some sort of hyper response back, you awaited his towering presence with a hand on your hip. he walked right past you. full on. turning your head with furrowed brows and jaw hung low, you notice that little playful, shit-eating smirk on his lips.
a little confused, you called out to him, "ajax! come back here.â
he turned, feigning surprise despite clearly having seen you (and, unbeknownst to you, having been watching you for the past couple minutes as you checked out several vendors). "oh, it's you. i almost didn't recognize you."
rolling your eyes, you walked up to him. "seriously?â both of you stared at each other in scrutiny, tartaglia fighting back the urge to squeeze you within his arms and whine at you for your negligence while you fought the urge to pull him down by his sunlit strands to coax some sense out of him. âare you mad at me?â
he shrugged nonchalantly, eyes twinkling with mischief you recognised immediately. "hmm, whoâs mad? i just forgot who you were for a moment." letâs not mention the fact he has your front, back and side silhouettes memorised to the point he could trace it with his eyes closed expertly.
when you both parted ways, tartaglia making up some excuse that he had to buy some souvenirs for his siblings despite you knowing full well he was just listening to your reprimand from a week ago that he needed respite from being brutalised repeatedly, you found yourself linking pieces of red yarn together internally.
oh heâs just such a little shit isnât he?
the sun set and bedazzled the sky in golden red hues, you walked back to your shared accommodation and a hefty amount of apologetic snacks filling your bag. normally, when you opened the door, ajax would jump at you. it was obvious from the way he sat leaned back on the couch that he was biting back that urge too.
grinning, you approached him, feeling a mix of amusement and frustration. "you know i love you, right?"
he glanced at you, his expression softening for a moment, god he really missed you so much even if only parted for a few hours at most. "hmm, do you? because i don't recall hearing such a thing in the morning."
you laughed, shaking your head at his childishness. settling yourself next to him, arms encasing around his wounded torso, you muttered a little compromise: "alright, honey. tomorrow, first thing. i promise."
tartaglia finally relented, pulling you into a gentle embrace that led to him exhaling a breath he was holding (probably a subtle way to get his loud heart to stop beating so furiously). "good. i suppose i can forgive you this time.â
ę° you not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
ajax had disobeyed your orders again.
even when being repeatedly asked by friends and his own lover alike, he just couldnât behave in a way that didnât result in at the very least, a few scratches and bruises on his freckled skin. it irritated you to no end.
irritation, of course, led to frustration. i mean, when you have to regurgitate the same instructions to someone you adore to death, it becomes exhausting. you didnât necessarily argue about it, you simply tuned off.
sitting in bed with a book cradled between your fingertips, a mellow tune humming in the background from your vinyl as you soaked in the fantasy you were thoroughly engaged in. none of those things could unfortunately deafen the whines from ajax as he cozied himself up next to you, a silent groan slipping past his lips as he incidentally tore at one of his bandages.
âkochanieâŚâ his nose nuzzled against your clothes as he found himself laying on your warm thighs. âi already apologised for being a dumbass, i swear i love you and iâll listen to you properly next time.â
he purses his lips into a pout as you ignore him and continue to scan your eyes over the ink. âcome on, i love you, sweetheart.â he nudged you, pinching you as delicately as possible but enough to elicit a gasp from you as you finally glance over at him.
âand i love peace and quiet, so if you could, zip it.â
surely you donât think that was a good enough response for someone as needy for attention as ajax?
âiâm so hurtâŚâ he pitifully grumbled, arms crossing over his firm chest as he continued staring up at you with a gaze that meant âyou are not getting out of thisâ.
âwonât even spare a small kiss for your wounded lover? a hug? a cuddle? even just a whisper of your voice? how am i meant to liveââ you hush childeâs antics by squishing his cheeks together, forcing a fish like pout to form with his lips.
âi love you too, youâre just annoying.â
heâd take that over you fully ignoring him any day.
K. KAZUHA â ćŤĺä¸ĺś
ę° him not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
Ę not possible, thank you next character.
Ę the only possible way kazuha would ever not indulge your i love yous is when heâs away to a different nation and he sends you a response letter that takes weeks to come to your hands, or if that same letter somehow gets wet or ruined while in transit and his affections get dampened and smudged
Ę otherwise? kazuha doesnât see the point in stubborn behaviour. if thereâs a problem, though there hardly ever is, heâs under the pretence a couple should talk about it with a clear mind before making a final decision or statement â or in this case, the retraction of affection.
Ę youâre his map, with the treasure being your heart. why would he ever choose to not tell you he loves you when he gets the chance? you already lack sufficient time with another, and kazuha prefers using the time he does have with you to show you how much he adores you (whatever way that manifest as).
ę° you not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
kazuha absolutely smothers you in his love. though that usually feels more like youâre resting within the comfort of a sandy beach as soft washes of waves tickle your skin. youâre never short of a supply of affection.
thatâs why a devious idea popped into your head. what if you just didnât reciprocate?
âmy heart,â kazuhaâs breathy voice popped the bubble that hung over your head. âyouâve been spaced out for a while now, do you need a kiss to help you refocus?â you had to stop yourself from jumping at the opportunity.
âuh, no itâs fine, you donât have to,â the reply made kazuha raise an eyebrow quizzically. thatâs certainly not something he expected to hear especially after not seeing you for a while; but, heâd respect your choice. itâs not like heâs desperate for something so simple, you could just genuinely not be interested.
âhmâŚalright then, beloved.â he smiled sincerely, head falling to rest on your shoulder as his hand gently rested on the small of your back, rubbing soothing circles that mirrored the shape of the moon that cast a glow on you both. âi love you.â
he couldâve sworn he just said he loved you, so why did the winds bellow a response instead? coughing into his hand to clear his throat, thinking that perhaps you just didnât hear him, he repeated: âi love you, songbird.â
met with silence again, kazuha simply stays quiet. he doesnât need a reply, thatâs not why he says sweet things to you like heâs writing a lyrical sonnet. he tells you he loves you because it helps write the song in his heart that beats whenever heâs near you in a much more coherent way.
K. AYATO â çĽé睍人
ę° him not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
Ę this man oozes with romantic appeal. even if heâs off voyaging to a whole other nation heâll find a way to not only say i love you, but also to say his good morning and good nights (accompanied with poorly doodled attempts at kiss marks to make up for the lack of physical touch).
Ę when heâs upset? gods no. he could be frustrated with you to the point he needs a break, and regardless heâll leave the room with a reminder he loves you. he doesnât need you getting second thoughts and therefore wonât ever plant them.
Ę heâs too busy? so? thoma has two hands iâm sure he can handle giving you letters that are merely love notes while he cleans the abode (assuming you and ayato live together separately from where he worksâŚyou can imagine how much thoma despises this errand despite his loyalty).
ę° you not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
âgreetings, love,â ayatoâs arms slid around your middle, chin coming to rest atop your shoulder as he hums a sweet tune as if he were a bird coming back home to his nest. a rather direct analogy, since thatâs exactly the occurrence.
plagued with hours of paperwork and meetings with government issues and secret organisations that god forbid you or ayaka ever found out about, ayato has missed you gravely. if he didnât know better heâd demand this sort of sin to be classified as a national crime with the sentence being told to stay home with your spouse all day (his literal dream).
now that heâs free for at least a little while, peace alas twinkling within his eyes as they close tightly to enjoy the silence as he clings onto you, ayato does feel like all the pain and ink he went through was totally worth it. if the price he had to pay for holding you oh so tightly is simply meaningless signatures on several documents, heâs willing to waste the entire supply of ink within inazuma â he wants this reward to last as long as possible, after all.
âmm, you smell divine, are you using the flower-scented perfume i sent you the other week? i love it,â he rambled, lips pressing against your nape as you busied yourself with some crocheting, ayatoâs eyes opening only to focus on the way your deft hands moved so skilfully. heâd make a comment about how he wished those hands were on him instead, but he had a particular reputation to uphold â and lewd impatient man certainly wasnât part of it.
âmore importantly, sweetheart,â ayato cooed, beginning to trail kisses around your neck and any exposed skin he managed to find, âi love you. so, look at me wonât you?â
merely turning your head to plant a kiss to the side of his jaw in a way of compromise, you otherwise remained silent. âyou know,â ayato smiled devilishly, his hand beginning to play with your hair soothingly. âi bought some stuff on my travels recently, a lot of things that are meant for you, of course.â
âi canât wait to surprise you tonight during dinner.â
that was a threat. maybe not a direct one, but you could recognise the slyness in that manâs voice soon as he mentioned buying âstuffâ â things that were definitely substitutes for poison (a little far fetched, but itâs best to assume whatever he conjures up will be the worst thing possible to save yourself the trip to a hospital bed).
âi love you too.â you appeased, and his face immediately lightened, arms returning around you as if finally satiated.
ayato huffs a stifled laugh, quelling your worries with a simple: âiâll have the staff know youâd like your favourite dish prepared.â
ALHAITHAM â čžĺ°ćľˇćŁŽ
ę° him not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
Ę lowkey, itâs a bit of a 50/50 with himâŚ?
Ę sometimes, he just genuinely doesnât hear you. whether itâs because heâs subconsciously disassociating, overstimulated from excessive noise (itâs pretty much canon that heâs autistic, you canât give me a character that constantly wears headphones and only speaks when spoken to and expect me not to connect the dots) or simply because whateverâs playing in his ears was a little too loud and had managed to drown out your words â these specifics are never intended, and heâs more likely to reply back if you repeat yourself (or give him some time).
Ę other times though, is simply him teasing you. remember that one scene at the end of the interdarshan festival where alhaitham said, âbest things are told thriceâ (or whatever the quote was), yeah he commits to that in this scenario too.
Ę heâll pretend he canât hear you just so he can see the sweet frustration in your eyes as you mumble the words âi love youâ through gritted teeth. heâll smirk it off subtly and reciprocateâŚafter a while of course. perhaps when youâre falling asleep on his chest once youâre finally cuddled in bed together, youâll manage to catch his hushed whisper.
the world was intent on making alhaitham break down today. he woke up without you in bed with him this morning, meaning he couldnât brush his teeth while next to you as he passed you things that you required to get ready to start the day. from that, none of the foods or snacks he liked were available and the only option were fruits or meals he didnât like or he werenât in the mood for.
already feeling irritated and grumpy, him nearly spilling a vase on the books he had perfectly stacked up to binge read as he bumped into the corner of the table couldâve made him bang his head brutally on the wall. this wouldnât have been a problem if kaveh didnât place something so fragile and wobbly on something thatâs in the way.
alas, when he finally died down for the afternoon, book in hand, a melody passing by his ear as he tried to focus on breathing, all a sudden that irritation just slowly came creeping back. the words on the page squished together like some sort of cartoon from fontaine as they began to make no coherent sense even as he went over every line twice.
to make it worse? you had just come back home.
that sounds bad, but for alhaitham it was a travesty. now he wasnât able to at the very least embrace you in greeting in fear heâd lash out at the sudden contact. noticing the scrunching of his brows and the way his jaw looked like heâd been clenching it subconsciously for hours, you smiled out of sympathy, knowing from experience that this was most definitely another case of the domino effect of bad shit happening.
âneed me to leave you alone for a bit?â you asked as quietly as possible but in an octave he wouldnât twitch at in frustration.
he shook his head. a little surprising, but you complied with his wish and sat down on the floor next to him as he laid back on the couch as if in an impromptu therapy session. alhaitham held out his hand for you and you gently but surely placed yours on top, a delicate reminder that he was free to express whatever was on his mind when the world finally felt a little more peaceful.
ę° you not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
itâs not like alhaitham really says he loves you verbally, he prefers showing his love to you though actions. after all, actions speak louder than words â whatâs the point of telling you he loves you if he doesnât have the actions to back it up?
but for the sake of the scenario, letâs imagine alhaitham decides to spoil you with one his few vocal affirmations. his hands slowly running up and down the spine of your back, chest rising and falling in slow steady breaths as you burrow yourself into his side. alhaitham was reluctantly reading a romance book that you forcefully recommended him in hopes heâd learn a few things that would make you swoon (despite him doing plenty such things already).
âi love you.â he randomly blurts, his eyes clearly having scanned over the same phrase within the page he was on since he rather quickly skipped past it once your eyes caught glimpse of it. alhaitham is a confident, sometimes arrogant, man â nothing ever truly bothers him when in regards to the words or actions of other people unless they pose a threat to someone he loves.
however, in this case, your lack of words makes his brows scrunch down, bright teal eyes now scrutinising you as you clearly try to hide away a giggle. âdonât you think itâs a little rude to not reply to someoneâs confession.â he asks in a monotone voice, attention returning to the words on the page that now seemed irrelevant.
âif you want me to be like the characters in your little romance stories, how about you also commit to that yourself?â a little harsh sounding, but when faced with alhaithamâs pettiness, this is probably the most lenient heâs ever been to anyone.
WANDERER â ćľćľŞč
ę° him not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
Ę another one thatâs not necessarily surprising.
Ę he likes using the phrase to tease or slander you, if anything. case in point: âoh i love you alright, but that doesnât mean you get to steal my blanket in the middle of the night.â or âi love you more when you keep completely silent."
âiâm convinced you donât love me.â ah god, not another one of your little helpless spiels again. this sort of conversation starter would normally set of a warranted number of red flags. in this case, however, both of you understood it was more like the start of a theatrical display of your pettiness.
âright, and whyâs that?â scara asked unamused, face not changing from his casual stoicism as he scanned over a possibly illegal book he snuck from the library (and if this conversation goes one way you might just tattle to auntie nahida).
âyou slept on the couch yesterday even after i cooked your favourite dish and got you out of that lecture kusanali forced you to attend by pretending we had chores to do,â you list off your good deeds on your fingers, your body sinking next to his on the couch that seemed more like a partner in crime than just a piece of furniture.
scara rolled his eyes. licking the tip of his fingertip to turn the page on his book, he huffed a response absentmindedly: âi do love you, but you just keep pushing me off the bed because of my cooler temperature so i got annoyed â simple as.â
ę° you not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
âoh, so just fuck me i guess?â
itâs already so difficult for him to even admit how much he cares for you, so to have such a hefty phrase leave his lips and be left with silence? heâs a little more than pissed.
scaraâs eyebrows crunched together, confusion written all over his face at the sudden change in your demeanor. youâre always the first to jump at the opportunity to coddle him soon as his sour lips turn sweet, so whatâs with the sudden negativity? the hostile fire that once flickered in his eyes was now replaced by a mournful sadness, and scara couldnât help but feel like he was staring at a stranger.
his chest tightened in a way that didnât feel good, and he found himself swallowing thickly, eyes flicking downward to where your hands swirled an ice-filled glass. guilt nipped at scaraâs conscience, and he scrubbed a hand over his face, letting out a heavy sigh.
âwhat did i fucking do wrong now?â he spits out.
scara tends to take even the slightest joke within your relationship as a direct threat or dig at him. not because he doesnât trust you, not even because he thinks your relationship isnât at a secure stage â but just because thatâs all he knows. he doesnât know how to respond to something lighthearted when all that heâs felt so far in his life is extremities.
âhm? what do you mean?â you ask, the teasing tone you took on dwindling upon the quick glance at how his bottom lip jutted out nervously. did everything have to be so irrevocably complicated?
scara shook his head, exhaling a small sigh before he just let the matter drop naturally. he didnât have time for stuff like this. heâd like to think he knows you well enough to recognise when youâre simply teasing him, but that fact alone isnât enough to make that ache in his heart go away.
he just needs a minute break. and perhaps for you to sneak into bed with him so you can cuddle him from behind.
LYNEY â ćĺ°ź
ę° him not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
itâs a little difficult for lyney to say the words âi love youâ to someone whoâs not technically part of his family. he trusted and loved you easily, you cared for his siblings as if they were your own and even gave up your own pride to protect him; but something itching within him tells him he has no right to confess his true ardour.
lyney is nothing but a pawn with a jesters hat, using sleight of hand to remove the idea that heâs deceptive from your mind with a few whimsical flower tricks. itâs hard to allow himself to be so vulnerable and open when he knows full well that if his father found out, the disappointment would be greater than the reward.
when heâs coated in that black circus show getup, his smile broad and stance wide with confidence, heâll reply pretty easily! after all, he had to please his audience. but, youâre not just a stranger in the crowd. youâre his beloved, someone he waits for before one of his grandeur shows as you press a kiss to his cheek as a lucky charm that he finds himself gently touching as he slowly enters the stage.
but when heâs merely lyney, a lonely kid from the house of hearth who trembles in the comfort of the dark, your mumble of: âi love you a lot, lyney,â makes him replywith a mere widened look as if a deer caught in headlights, his pale face blossoming into a rosey pink hue as he tugged down at the front of his hat to cover his eyes.
âme too.â sometimes that reply is easier and much safer for both his heart and yours than the actual words.
ę° you not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
lyney adores how easily you find yourself saying such a phrase, even a little jealous at time at both the idea of how many people youâve uttered it to and the fact he finds himself stumbling over his own consciousness at the idea of confessing his affections back.
heâs also a massive trickster! you pull silly and harmless pranks on each other constantly, from something dumb like switching out a singular chocolate chip cookie to a raisin one to see the astounded look on lyneyâs face as he bites down to something a little more sweet like lyney throwing out roses to an audience that coincidentally create a heart.
this is certainly a much crueller prank than any of the above.
lyney was a little jumpy backstage, constantly pacing back and forth with a genuine smile on his face that youâve rarely seen, his arms constantly stretching out in front of him as he played with the leather of his gloves tediously. lady furina was going to be watching him today, it was no wonder he wanted you to help out!
well, lynette did everything, but youâre here for something lyney said he absolutely couldnât go without. his good luck kiss.
hearing the familiar sound of the staff shuffling around their props, lyney sauntered to you with a smile as his lips tucked behind his arms innocently. âma moitiĂŠ,â lyney hums in a chipper, melodic tune, content at simply seeing your face light up once your eyes meet his, âiâm confident in my abilities as a magician, but i think you have the answer to quelling any of my nerves. care to share some of your magic wit me?â
you grin and tilted your head off to the side, giving him an encouraging thumbs up and a much less motivating: âbreak leg, lyney, i believe in you.â as much as he wished to coax it out of you, heâd have to unfortunately settle for the way you leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek.
yet, although he preformed flawlessly per usual, his execution even enthralling the ever critical furina who sat up in the crowd with a leg over her knee, you notice a slight hesitation in his movements, a brief moment of distraction that only you, who knows him so well, could catch. the show eventually concludes to thunderous applause, lyney and lynette taking their final bow as he nearly sprints off once the curtains draw closed.
backstage, as the crowd's cheers still echo faintly, lyney cautiously approaches you with a more serious expression. â[name],â he begins, his tone quieter, more introspective, âdid I... do something wrong?â
who knew just the slight lower pitch of someoneâs voice could make your heartstrings tug unceremoniously. you know it's time to end this silly prank. shaking your head, you take a step closer. âno, lyney. you were incredible, as always â lady furina seemed exceptionally impressed.â his breath catches in his throat â thatâs not really what he wanted to hear. but before he could brush it all off, you interrupt his overthinking: âand... I love you too.â
his eyes widen in surprise, then soften with relief and warmth. âyou really had me there,â he chuckles, pulling you into a hug. âyou're quite the trickster yourself.â
you laugh, hugging him back tightly. âi learned from the best.â
NEUVILLETTE â éŁçť´čąçš
ę° him not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
Ę for neuvillette itâs less about him not saying i love you, but just how convoluted and complicated he can make it seem.
Ę whether itâs by using outdated poetry and reciting it to you without the knowledge that the terms used completely flew over your head because theyâre so old, or doing something that to him is basically more intimate than physical touch like gifting you a piece of jewellery thatâs imbedded with a stone most certainly toxic to humans (he got it out of a rift from khaenriâah when it first emerged and kept it as a little token).
Ę this man is a dragon, heâs older than the snowy mountains of dragonspine and the deadly primordial sea itselfâŚyou canât blame him for being a little bit over the top and traditional with how he says he loves you.
Ę itâs all courting tactics! isnât this what you humans enjoy? no? âŚmaybe he should ask lady furina if she has some plays from the romance genre sheâd care to share, perhaps then he could learn a much more modern way of showing his affections.
Ę heâll say he loves you if you vocalise youâd just prefer that butâŚare you sure you donât also want this embarrassingly cute cup he made to match his dragon form?
ę° you not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
the more he thinks about it, the sadder he gets. and the sadder he gets, the rainier the heavens become. neuvilletteâs pen shifted between several of his fingers as the paragraphs in front of him shifted and blurred continuously.
you didnât reply to his i love you this morning. straight after waking up he mumbled the sweetest, âi love you,â directly into your ear with that rumbling voice of his, letting his affections linger on your skin as his nose snuggled itself safely against your neck.
and what did he get in response? a small giggle and a, âshould we get ready?â
at first, he merely internalised it as a mere misstep on your part. perhaps you merely didnât hear him, you had just woken up after all you mustâve been feeling a little groggy. that managed to ease his nerves just a little, but soon as you closed the door to his office without a chance for another i love you, he slumped into his seat with defeat.
you humans are tricky creatures and scarily good at making other overthink things that someone should be most confident on.
just the idea that he mightâve done something to upset you enough for you to not want to love him so dearly as you normally do makes the skies weep to match the mourning in his heart. you best come back this instant with your arms wide open unless you want fontaine to flood over.
he may be one of the strongest beings currently alive and awake in the land of teyvat, but his heart is rather fragile when it comes to you.
WRIOTHESLEY â čąćŹ§ćŻĺŠ
ę° him not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
much to the dismay of wriothesley, he rarely even gets to say he loves you. between managing the fortress of meropide and his countless responsibilities that range from being a guinea pig for sigewinneâs new test trials that she calls food to ridiculous requests from inmates, expressing his feelings often takes a backseat.
you, of course, understand his position, but it doesn't stop you from sending him love letters whenever you can. your letters are filled with warmth, affection, and little anecdotes about your day, hoping they bring a smile to his face during his busy hours â and they certainly do, he adores tracing your handwriting with the back of his gloved hand.
unfortunately, your letters piled up on his desk without being read. despite him desperately wanting to respond to every little i love you, he found himself way too preoccupied with other immediate matters that required his thorough attention. every time heâd open up his drawer to find a new pen to fill out a document with, heâd shamefully glance at the stack of unread papers that were littered with hearts.
each letter was one a piece of your heart â him stashing it away protectively would be a little romantic and rather ironic given his profession, but currently it felt more like he was actively giving you the sentence of a lifetime by withdrawing his affections.
no reply comes for days.
you understand that his duties are overwhelming, but a part of you yearns for some acknowledgment, a sign that your words are reaching him. however, wriothesley is determined to rectify this, he sat down at his desk after the first calm night in a while, pulls out a sheet of paper, and begins to write.
what you receive the next day isnât necessarily anything grandiose or swooningly romantic â but it was enough; a large bouquet of your favourite roses with a special heart shaped note attached that when you latched it off simply read: âi love you too, sweetheart.â
ę° you not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
alas, wriothesley finally managed to carve out a free day just for you. spending the day together ultimately meant either a completely lazy morning filled with sloppy kisses shared and your warm bodies all tangled within blankets, or a date where you bask in each otherâs presence.
this time, you chose the latter. you needed a little bit of a pick me up and what better than having a romantic outing with your beloved? âŚwhere you simultaneously wished to entertain yourself with a bit of mischief. who could get away with teasing the mighty duke if not you?
a day of activities left you a little exhausted, which is why wriothesley decided to share the last few setting hours of the sun by sitting on a comfy blanket near an empty, secluded beach far from the usual hustle and bustle of fontaine.
"thank you for being so patient with me," wriothesley said, his voice low and sincere. "i know it's not easy, but you mean a lot to me."
you reached out and squeezed his hand. "aww, i understand, wrio. iâm honestly just happy we get to spend time together like this at all.â
bringing your interlocked hands up to his lips, his calloused and rough ones ridden with scars and marks that told stories of their own holding yours as if made of porcelain, he pressed a few gentle kisses to your knuckles as he mumbled a sincere: âi love you, [name].â
ah the very words youâve been waiting to drawl from his lips. stifling a chuckle, you simply smiled and nodded, letting your hand wiggle away from his grasp as your focus drifted to stare at the crashing waves cleansing the shore.
wriothesley's brow furrowed slightly, a flicker of confusion crossing his face. "did you hear me?" he asked, trying to keep his tone light. "i said, i love you."
you nodded again, keeping your expression neutral. âi heard you."
his confusion turned into amusement as both his brows raised in disappointment â were you seriously teasing him right now? wriothesley leaned in appetisingly close, searching your face for a clue for your intentions. "and?" he prompted.
swallowing down another fit of giggles, you titled your head at him all coyly, âand what?â
wriothesley puffed out a chuckle before his skilled hand quickly swooped beneath your knees and atop the small of your back to land you on his lap. âdo you think youâre funny?â his muscular and scarred arms closed around your middle, keeping you firmly in place to face your trial.
âa little,â you muse before lifting yourself a little within his grasp, moving in to press a more than welcomed kiss on his cheek. âi love you too, wrio.â
âthatâs what i thought.â
ARLECCHINO â éżčžĺĽčŻş
ę° her not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
Ę arlecchino loves you, she really does. but unfortunately for you, youâre not the age of the orphaned children she protects and therefore she finds it useless to constantly reassure you of such a fact.
Ę surely if you want her to prove how much she loves you, youâd be less childish with it and simply ask for a real heart to be displayed in a glass box? sheâs kidding (perhaps), but given the nature of your dynamic, sheâs sure youâve said the words âi love youâ in this relationship enough to cover her half of the bargain.
âarle, i love you,â you muse, buzzing around her desk like a never satiated mosquito. yet instead of sucking blood you merely made her wish she had the heart to plug her ears to silence your relentless affection spillage. she wouldnât dare. but for the love of the tsaritsa wonât you be good and just sit on her lap and remain quiet?
âarlechinnooâŚâ another whine as you carefully sit yourself on her desk, her pen quickly brushing over lines, the ferocity at which she held it made the point look as if she was scabbing the paper.
âyes, bunny?â she looked off to the side at you, her expression holding an air of royalty that was most likely non existent in her blood, but definitely seemed present in the way she held herself. maybe it was just that natural posture of arrogance?
âi love youâŚwonât you love me back?â
âmy dear,â she placed the pen down and got up, a sight that made the two informants that stood opposite of the room with their heads hung low nervously hunch into themselves. she sauntered to you and encased your body against the edge of the desk, hands on either side of you.
âyouâre surely irritating our guests with your constant noise,â that crestfallen expression of yours was something she wished she could wipe, but that sinful, pyre of pride burned within her like vengeance, making her merely tap her hand over your cheek to refocus your forlorn attention.
soon as you tilted your head, her hot breathy whisper mumbled against your ear: âstay quiet and iâll be sure to spoil you.â
ę° you not saying i love you back ᥣđŠ.á âš
âiâve been issued another task within fontaine, do keep yourself out of trouble even though i have little hope youâll commit,â arlecchino teasingly mused as she nudged your hip with hers while fixing her coat. âi love you, dear â iâll be sure to send you letters.â
arlecchino is eerily fond of the silence that came after deafening screams. the scarlet stickiness that spreads across her grim face in splatters making her instinctively lick off that sweet residue. but right now, the silence was just a testament to how good sheâs been treating you.
if you think you can get away with a silly prank like this as sheâs awaiting your response like a puppy begging for a bone, you mustâve forgotten who has the collar and who has the leash.
catching your chin between her thumb and forefinger, she tilts your face upwards to meet her intense stare, stern eyes blazing with naked hunger. "i asked you to not cause trouble while iâm gone, but youâve already decided to start, have you?â
most people would crumble beneath her shimmering eyes that spoke volumes of violence, yet deeply within your own heart you know sheâd carry you over mountains of skulls that crushed beneath her callous heels if it meant getting you across into fairyland.
âadmit it - you crave me just as fiercely as i burn for you." she grins before flicking your forehead with her clawed fingertips. âdonât make me repeat myself or you wonât be getting any gifts from me when i return.â
thatâs the real threat you were waiting for. leaving a featherlight goodbye kiss atop her lips, you smartly respond: âi love you too, and donât forget my favourite cake!â
she rolls her eyes, finally letting you go. âwouldnât dream of it.â
ŠSTARYUEE do not copy, steal or repost ⥠á´sá´á´
á´á´ Ęá´ ÉŞĘá´á´Ęá´É˘á´É´Ęá´
#genshin x reader#gi x reader#genshin x you#venti x reader#diluc x reader#xiao x reader#tartaglia x reader#ajax x reader#childe x reader#kazuha x reader#ayato x reader#alhaitham x reader#wanderer x reader#scaramouche x reader#scara x reader#lyney x reader#wriothesley x reader#neuvillette x reader#arlecchino x reader
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Stress Relief
You convince your husband to take out his anger on you when he comes home very tense.
Warnings: (18+ MDNI) dom!spencer, sub!reader, oral (f), reader in handcuffs so light bondage?, choking, unprotected penetrative sex, multiple orgasms, aftercare and domestic bliss because heâs still our beloved spencer
Words: 5k for 5k milestone celebration! TYSM ILYđđ
A/n: I combined two requests asking for him to get all angry/frustrated because an unsub had a particular thing for winding him up (from anon 1) so he needs some kind of smutty release (from anon 2). You know who you are.
You could tell something was off.Â
A sense of unease settled in the pit of your stomach as the front door creaked open, and instead of the usual lively greeting from your husband, you were met with silence. It was as though he was physically there and yet you could sense his absence in the air.Â
"Spence?" You called out, stepping out of the kitchen. When there was no response, you tried again. "Baby, are you okay?"
Your feet guided you down the hallway where you found him standing by the door with his back facing you. Even from behind, you could sense the foul mood he was in. His shoulders seemed more tense than usual, his hair slightly disheveled, and there was an edge to his movements as he closed the door with a loud thud.
"Babe?"
His response was brief, his gaze flickering towards you before quickly darting away, almost as if he were intentionally avoiding your eyes.
"Hey."
"Hey?" you echoed. "That's all I'm getting?"
When his eyes met yours again, you could practically feel the tension radiating from him. It was clear that he was angry, his usual calm demeanor seemed to be replaced by a subtle but palpable edge. There was a tightness in his jaw, a clenched fist by his side, and his usually warm gaze now held a hint of sharpness.
Only one thought crossed your mind whenever he came home like this.
"Bad day at work?"
He slowly nodded.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
He shook his head.
"Do you want a hug?"
He hesitated momentarily, his brows furrowing slightly as if debating whether to accept your offer. Then, without a word, he closed the distance between you. His arms enveloped you, pulling you close as he buried his head in the crook of your neck. Your hand instinctively found its way to his hair, fingers gently running through the soft strands.
"Oh, honey, you're so tense," you noted as your other hand trailed along his shoulder. "Is there anything I can help with? A massage? A nice warm bath maybe?"
You felt him shake his head against you, but you persisted, wanting to offer him comfort in any way you could. When your hand smoothed down his back, his hold on you tightened. When your fingers brushed the nape of his neck, you felt his warm breath caress your skin.
Then it happenedâsoft lips brushed against the spot under your ear, tentative at first, before growing more urgent. It wasn't the tender, affectionate kisses you were used to, but a different kind of intimacy that felt almost desperate. His lips nibbled and sucked gently at your skin and it became clear to you what he wanted.
"You want another kind of release, baby? Is that what you want?"
His lips momentarily paused against your neck, his arms loosening their grip around you before he rested his hands on your hips. "I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why not?"Â
"Becauseââ he stopped, his grip on your body tightening. âBecause I don't feel like myself right now."
You grabbed him by the shoulders, pushing him away just enough to see his face. "What makes you say that?"
Spencer held your gaze. How could he explain to you that he was on the verge of acting out his frustration? That he was so close to losing control?Â
He knew how difficult he could be when anger took hold of him. In his younger days, he wouldn't hesitate to fire off sassy remarks and snarky comments, letting his emotions dictate his behavior. However, as he matured, he learned better to hide those emotions behind a composed facade.
But tonight felt different. Despite his best attempts to maintain his control, he could feel his anger slipping away, and it was unfair to burden you with it. Especially when you were offering yourself to him, so sweet and so pretty, when he knew love wasn't exactly what he could offer you right now.Â
So he decided to release you, his grip loosening as he stepped back.
"Forget it," he muttered under his breath before turning towards your shared bedroom. Your brow furrowed as he walked away, leaving you standing there with your mouth slightly agape, bewildered by his sudden withdrawal.
"Spencer Reid," you called after him, your voice laced with a hint of irritation as you followed him. "I wasn't done talking to you."
He paused, his hand halfway to his tie before he loosened it with a sharp tug. You leaned against the bedroom doorway, crossing your arms as you continued to study him. His lack of response only fueled your growing annoyance, but you knew better than to escalate the situation into a fight.
Taking a deep breath to calm yourself, you spoke up, your voice steady but tinged with frustration. "Honey, I can't help you if you're acting this way."
"What makes you think I need help?"
"The way you're wrestling with your tie gives it away," you replied, your words laced with a hint of sarcasm.
He shot you a pointed look, clearly unimpressed by your remark. "I don't need your help."
Your frown deepened. "Seriously? You're just going to shut me out like this?"
"I'm not shutting you out," he countered, moving around the room. "I just need some space."
"Well you're doing a pretty damn good job of it," you shot back, your patience wearing thin as you pushed yourself off the doorway. His jaw clenched, but he remained silent, his actions focused on undoing the button on his wrist now. You scoffed at his lack of response again.
"Oh, so now you're giving me the silent treatment?" When it seemed evident he was trying to ignore you, you pressed on. "Fine, keep your silence, let me do the talking."
His eyes flickered momentarily at you before he turned around, undoing the button of his shirt. You watched him quietly as he continued to avoid your gaze.Â
"Spencer," you began, your voice softer now. "I know your job can be hard, and I know you're going through a lot right now, but shutting me out won't make it any easier."
âI've already told you, I'm not trying to shut you out."
"Then what are you doing?" you pressed. "I tried offering you help when you didn't want to talk about it. And the one thing I can help you with, the one thing I'm sure will help you relax, you refused."Â
You let out a frustrated sigh, hating how much your voice wavered now.
"Spence... youâyou didn't even want to have sex with me."
His shoulders stiffened at your words, finally turning to face you. "You think I don't want to have sex with you?"
You swallowed hard, feeling a knot form in your throat. "I don't know what to think anymore," you admitted. "You're giving me the cold shoulder, itâs hard not to take it personally."
The room seemed to close in around you, suffocating in its silence. Then, you watched as he began to walk towards you. One step. Two steps. Until his presence loomed over you, casting a shadow that suddenly made you feel small and vulnerable.
"I'm refusing to have sex with you right now not because I don't want to," he said, his voice dangerously low. "I'm refusing because I'm trying to protect you."
You frowned, confusion furrowing your brow. "Protect me from what?"
There was a moment of silence before he replied, âFrom myself."
You felt a knot tightening in your stomach, goosebumps forming on your skin as you struggled to comprehend what he was trying to say.
âI⌠I don't understand."
"I don't want to risk it. I'm afraid that if we... if we cross that line, I might hurt you."
"Spencer," you whispered in disbelief, as if his words were the most absurd thing you'd ever heard. "You would never hurt me."
He shook his head. "You wouldn't be so sure if you knew half of the thought in my head right now."
You faltered for a moment, taken aback by his words. Then your gaze involuntarily flickered down his body, tracing the lines of his open shirt and the gentle rise and fall of his chest. Your breath caught in your throat as your gaze moved lower, taking in the way his pants hung low on his hips, and the trail of soft hair leading downwards.
You swallowed hard.
"Tell me then," you challenged, your voice trembling slightly as you met his gaze again. "Tell me how you'd hurt me."
He studied you, assessing, calculating. "You won't like it," he warned.
"And what if I do?"
His eyes narrowed slightly, a hint of surprise flashing across his features. "You don't know what you're asking for."
"I know what I want."
He regarded you for a long moment, weighing your words carefully. Finally, he stepped closer, his breath warm against your skin as he whispered, "You really want to know what I'd like to do to you?"
You held his gaze. "Yes," you replied. "Tell me."
His lips curved into a faint, almost rueful smile. With a slow, deliberate movement, he reached out and traced a finger along the curve of your jaw. "I want to use you," he murmured. "I want to feel you, to taste you. I want to make you scream."
You could feel the heat traveling through your body, a heady mixture of desire and anticipation flooding your senses. You reached out, fingers trembling as they brushed against his chest, feeling the heat radiating from his skin.
"I want to control you," he continued, his gaze darkening. "I want to tie you up leave you bruises, mark your skin. I want you helpless, begging for mercy."
He tilted your chin up, his eyes locking with yours.
"I want to see how far you'll go for me."
Your breath caught in your throat as you drank in his words, and you couldn't deny the heat spreading between your legs. "And what if I want that too?"
A tense silence settled between you. Then slowly, almost as if testing the waters, he wrapped his fingers around your throat, simply holding you there. "You don't mean that."
"Try me," you dared, holding his gaze. "Put your hand between my thighs and see just how much I mean it."
His grip around your throat tightened ever so slightly while his other hand hovered at the waistband of your cotton pants. You felt a jolt of anticipation as he slipped his hand inside, your breath hitching as the pad of his calloused fingers dipped inside your panties.
A soft hum of approval escaped his lips when the slickness of your arousal coated his skin.
"Would you look at that? Barely even touched you and you're already this wet?" A low gasp fell between your lips as he found your clit. "You really want this, don't you?"
You could only manage a whimper in response, your breath coming in ragged gasps.Â
"Tell me," he insisted, his breath hot against your skin. "Do you want me to stop?"
Your heart pounded in your chest as you struggled to find your voice. "No," you finally managed to gasp.
With deliberate slowness, he trailed his fingertips lower, teasingly circling your entrance. He started with gentle strokes, keeping his fingers only on the outer side as you tried to bite back a moan that threatened to slip out.
âYou dirty girl,â he muttered, and you feel yourself getting wetter as his finger continued to touch you teasingly. Then slowly, the grip on your throat loosened before his hand moved to cup your cheek.
âI need you to be sure," he whispered, "Because once we cross that line, there's no going back."
Your eyelids dropped lower as you chewed on your bottom lip, feeling the weight of his desire hanging in the air. It was a heady mix of uncertainty and anticipation, but one thing was clearâyou wanted him.
You wanted him to use your body.
âUse me however you like,â you confessed. "I-Iâm all yours.â
His lips were on yours in an instant. There was no mercy in his kiss, only raw desire and urgency. He kissed you as if he needed to breathe in your air, his lips moving desperately against yours, his tongue seeking entrance to taste you.
His hand then left your pants to cradle your face, holding you gently yet firmly as he explored every inch of your mouth, leaving you breathless and wanting more. Finally, he pulled away, his chest rising and falling heavily as he caught his breath.Â
He looked down at you, his gaze intense, and saw the dazed expression in your eyes. Your touch, taste, and scent clouded his vision as you trembled in his arms, the soft sounds of your labored breath sang in his ears.
Mine, mine, mine.
"Now listen to me," he said, his voice low and commanding. "I'm going to leave you for a while, and when I come back, I expect to see you lying on the bed naked with your legs spread apart."
You swallowed hard, eyes slightly going wide. You felt his hand gripping your jaw.
"Do I make myself clear?"
You quickly nodded. "Y-Yes."
His grip tightened momentarily before he released you, his gaze piercing as he held your eyes for a moment longer. Then, without another word, he turned and left the room.Â
With trembling hands, you began to undress, each piece of clothing dropping to the floor until you stood bare before the bed. The cool air prickled against your skin as you slowly climbed onto the bed.
You brought your feet onto the bed before spreading your knees apart. It felt weird, you had never felt so exposed and vulnerable, yet you couldn't deny the arousal pooling between your thighs. And then you heard him, his footsteps gradually coming closer and your heart pounded in your chest as you gripped onto the bed sheets.
His tall frame filled the doorway as he took in the sight before him, his eyes lingering between your legs. He watched your chest rise and fall, watched the way your legs fell apart even more as if you were offering yourself to him. Without a word, he approached the bed and stripped off his shirt.Â
Before you could catch your breath, he stood over the bed beside you. "Put your arms above your head."
You hesitated for a moment, feeling the weight of his gaze, but then slowly, almost instinctively, you complied, raising your arms above your head as instructed. You watched as he reached behind his back, and your heart raced as you glimpsed the glint of metal in his hand.
He didn't say a word as he reached for your wrists, securing them above your head with the cold metal of the handcuff, restraining you to the bed. The click of the cuffs echoed in the room before he stepped back, his eyes fixed on you with a predatory gleam as if he was admiring his handiwork.
Your pulse quickened as you lay there, exposed and at his mercy and you couldn't help but squirm under his gaze. He moved closer, his fingers trailing lightly along your skin, and you shivered, both from the chill of the metal and the warmth of his touch.
"You look so pretty like this," he murmured. "So helpless, yet so willing."
Your eyes followed his movement as his fingers moved to unbutton his pants. Then he was completely naked, and even though you had seen him like this countless times, the sight of his cock never failed to make your cunt clench in anticipation. He was thick and hard, with veins pulsing along its length and droplets of wetness glistening at the tip.
The bed sank under his weight as he positioned himself between your legs. You gasped when he leaned forward, the underside of his cock teasingly brushing against your wet folds as his lips met your collarbone. You bit down on your bottom lip as he kissed lower, stopping at your left breast, where he suckled on the supple skin just above your nipple.
His mouth latched onto your skin after taking a moment to try and keep himself from rushing into things. But he was a simple man. His lips worked precisely and diligently, and you watched as he left marks on your breasts, his teeth gently sinking into your flesh here and there, his warm saliva coating the faint markings.
The kisses left on your sensitive skin resulted in you whining for more. Spencer felt a rush of satisfaction like no other, his touches growing more urgent with each sound that escaped your lips. His tongue glided over your plump breasts, teasing and tantalizing, until finally, his mouth enveloped your nipple.
You squealed, squirming underneath him, and he smiled against your skin, his lips forming a knowing smirk as he continued to suck while his thumb flicked the nipple he wasn't focusing on. There was no doubt you would be left with bruises tomorrow morning.
Your eyes drifted downward just as he looked up, his gaze meeting yours, and you couldn't help but whine when the tip of his tongue circled your nipple teasingly. You reached out, craving the sensation of your fingers in his hair, only to feel the metal of the handcuffs digging into your skin.
"It's torture, isn't it? Not being able to do anything," he taunted with a laugh, shifting his attention to your other nipple. "But I guess that's the fun part.â
You whimpered as he softly bit your sensitive bud, and your back arched off the bed in response. He leaned back, admiring the marks he'd left on your skin.
"God, look at you," he murmured as his gaze lingered on your flushed skin, the swell of your breasts rising and falling with each breath. "I could do this all night."
Slowly, he lowered himself back down, his lips tracing a path from your chest down to your stomach. You squirmed, anticipation coiling tightly in your belly as his warm breath ghosted lower. His hair tickled your legs, and he took the opportunity to turn his head slightly to the side, immediately pressing a hot open-mouthed kiss against your inner thigh.Â
You gasped as he sucked your skin into his mouth, teeth grazing over the flesh as if he was intent on marking every inch of your body. His lips continued to trail along your thighs but never quite reaching the place you craved him the most.
For someone with pent-up emotions, his movements were agonizingly slow. It was frustrating, the way he toyed with you, drawing out the anticipation until you couldn't bear it any longer.
"Please," you whimpered, the chains rattling softly against the headboard as you continued to squirm beneath him.
He paused, his hot breath fanning over your skin as he looked up at you. "Please what?"Â
"Pl-Please touch me."
He kissed over your mound as he hooked an arm under your leg. His other hand reached for the heat radiating between your thighs before two of his fingers brushed along your outer lips, dragging your arousal along your skin. "Like this?"
You groaned as he kept on teasing you, stroking you with featherlight touches. âMore," you pleaded desperately, almost pathetically. "Please."
His fingers stretched your folds, his gaze fixed on the glistening wetness, on the way your cunt clenched around nothing. "You're so pretty, you know that?"
"Spence..." you breathed out, feeling his breath achingly close to your heat.
He didn't respond with words. Instead, he lowered his head, his breath hot against your flesh. The minute his tongue touched you, you were already a writhing, whimpering mess. Your head began spinning, nerves and pleasure swooping into one big fuzzy mess in your mind as his tongue teased up and down your slit.Â
"Oh my god," you whined the moment his mouth circled your clit before sucking on it, sending waves of pleasure along your body. And then, just as you thought you couldn't take it anymore, you felt his finger at your entrance, and without warning, he pushed in his digit, sending your head tilting back with a desperate gasp falling from your lips.
His groan reverberated against your skin as your walls clenched around him. He pushed his finger deeper, curling it inside of you as his tongue lapped at your dripping folds. With each movement, he pressed his face even further into you, relishing the sensation of your wetness coating his jaw.
Your eyes drifted downwards at the same time he looked up, locking gazes with him, and you let out the most filthy cry of pleasure. He held your gaze as his tongue quickened its pace, sucking your clit even harder as he added another finger inside you.Â
Your mouth gaped open as you felt the delicious stretch, and you couldn't help but buck your hips towards his face. Spencer always had a fixation on pleasuring you, but not like thisâit was never like this. He seemed desperate, almost possessive, as if he couldn't get enough of your taste.
He continued his relentless assault, his fingers pumping inside you with a steady rhythm while his tongue worked tirelessly on your swollen clit. The squelching sound of his fingers thrusting in and out of your dripping walla was so lewd that it made his cock stir against the bed.
You could feel the tension coiling tighter and tighter within you, the heat spreading like wildfire through your veins. Before you knew it, your climax hit you hard, without warning, without mercy, and you were gasping his name over and over.
You shivered and trembled beneath him, tossing your head back even farther, squeezing your walls around his fingers and your legs around his head. But he didn't stop or even slow down. Instead, he pulled his fingers out of you, only to push your thighs apart even when your legs were shaking uncontrollably.
"Stop moving," he ordered as he leaned in, tasting you all over again. He didn't care that you were a complete mess, that you were still reeling in from your climax, that you were trying to move back away from him. All he cared about was giving you the best pleasure imaginable, and he was intent on seeing it through.
"Spenceââ you gasped when his nose brushed your clit. âI-I can'tâ"
He gently held your fragile body in place to prevent you from running away from his mouth. "Hold still and give me another one."Â
How could you not relent when he treated you like this, so considerate yet so rough? You groaned, your eyes meeting the ceiling as you felt his mouth continue its relentless assault on your cunt. The sensation was overwhelming, yet despite your protests, you couldn't deny the building pressure.
Your muscles tensed. Your breathing hitched. You gasped for air. And just as the waves of pleasure threatened to consume you once more, you surrendered, letting out a pathetic cry as your body convulsed with the force of your climax.
His tongue lingered over your sensitive skin, savoring the taste of your release, before he finally withdrew, allowing you a moment to catch your breath. He then lifted his head, your juices glistening on his lips as he watched your heaving chest.
Spencer had never been so thankful for his eidetic memory. He took in the sight of your hands, bound above your head, the rise and fall of your chest as you panted, the tousled strands of hair framing your face. His gaze lingered on the way your legs willingly parted for him, your skin flushed and pussy swollen, all because of him.
It was a sight he wanted to etch into his memory forever.
You bit your bottom lip as his gaze lingered on you, feeling your body flush under his scrutiny. Then, as if something within him shifted, he reached for you, urging your body to turn until you were facing sideways, the chains rattling softly as you moved.
He settled behind you, and your heart quickened as you felt him grab your leg, lifting it in the air. With one hand gripping your thigh firmly, he positioned himself between your legs, his hard cock pressing against your slick folds.Â
You could feel the warmth of his body pressed against your back, his breath ghosting over your neck as he leaned in closer. With a deep, guttural moan, he eased himself into you, every inch of him sliding effortlessly into your wetness. You couldn't help but arch your back in response to the sensation of being filled so completely.
"Fuck," he murmured, the curse slipping past his lips in a breathy whisper. It sounded foreign coming from him and yet it only encouraged you more. You pushed your hips back into him, meeting his slow, deliberate thrusts.
"Needed this so much," he confessed, his breath coming out in ragged pants against the nape of your neck. "You have no idea how much I've wanted you like this for so long."
Your head fell back onto his chest, completely enveloped in himâthe scent of his skin, the warmth of his touch, the rhythmic movement of his cock thrusting inside you.
"Thought it was wrong of me to take control of you," he muttered, his breath hot against your ear. "But you're enjoying this as much, aren't you?"
You whimpered, unable to form words as the pleasure consumed you and you felt him picking up his pace. The room was filled with lewd noises of your wetness along with the sound of skin slapping against skin.
"You like being helpless like this? You like it when I fuck you while being cuffed to the bed?"
Your breath hitched at his words. His hand left your thigh, but only momentarily. The crack of sound pierced the air, followed by a surge of sensation coursing up your leg. The realization hit you like a bolt of lightningâhe spanked you.Â
And you liked it.
"Answer. Me," he demanded, each word punctuated by the rhythm of his thrusts.
"Yes," you managed to gasp out. "I-I love being helpless."
He let out a sound of pleasure as he released your thigh, only to tease your clit with his fingers. You gasped, your head thrown back as he applied just the right amount of pressure, sending waves of pleasure through your body. You felt the intensity building, the familiar coil tightening in your stomach as he continued to pump into you, his fingers moving fast against your clit.
You tried to speak and warn him about your upcoming orgasm but you couldn't even think properly. The squelch of his cock driving into you roughly rang in your ears and with a sharp inhale, you felt the tension within you reach its peak. Your muscles tensed, your breath caught in your throat, and then, with an explosive release, you cried out his name.
He groaned as he felt you pulsating around him, your walls gripping him tightly. He continued to move within you, riding out your orgasm as his thrusts grew harder, more urgent until he couldn't hold back any longer.
"I need to see you," he breathed as he pulled out of you. Then he flipped you onto your back, guiding one of your legs over his shoulder as he settled between your thighs once more. The change in position brought you closer, the heat of your bodies mingling as you met his gaze.
Without a word, he pushed himself back into you, the slick heat of your cunt enveloping him. You watched him through half-lidded eyes, feeling your body growing sticky, every inch of you glistening with sweat, but his gaze remained fixated on you, unwavering and intense.
"So pretty," he murmured, his hand finding your face and cupping your cheek, absorbing your features in the dim lighting of the room. "My beautiful wife."
You whimpered as he dragged his hand down your skin, thumb brushing over your lips as he felt your hot breath on his fingertip. He watched your eyes switch between widening and fluttering half shut while he began pumping into you.
Spencer couldn't keep his eyes off of you as you took his cock eagerly, your breasts bouncing each time he thrust forward, your mouth hanging open with your tongue slipping out of your mouth. A whine followed through as his hand moved down to your neck, practically holding you in place as his hips collided against your own.
He gave a slight pressure around your throat, and your head began to loll against the mattress, chin pointed in the air in pleasure. The squeezing sensation was now beginning to take over your body, spreading from across your cheeks, to your ears, and up to your eyes, tears pooling right at the corner. The feeling even reached your stomach, tightening and coiling with the signal of your impending orgasm.
Was this your fourth orgasm? Your fifth? You couldn't keep track; all you knew was the overwhelming sensation prickling your skin. The bed below you felt as if it was on fire. The metal digging around your wrist burned with absolute pleasure.
His thrusts grew more intense, each movement raw and unrestrained, as if he was pouring all his pent-up emotions into you. He seemed to lose himself in the moment, his grip on your neck firm but not painful, but it was enough to make you gasp, your body trembling with pleasure, eyes rolling at the back of your head.
You were instantly gone.
A filthy cry fell between your lips as another orgasm crashed over you, more intense than the last. At some point you were gasping for air, feeling your body going limp but he didnât stop. His hips had a mind of their own. You could feel them beginning to move like they were possessed, with no regard for your pleasure, and in a way, no regard for his.Â
âOh godâfuck!â You cried, arching your back as much in this position.
He groaned and leaned in, his arms pressing against the bed on either side of you as he pushed your leg up to your shoulder. He tried to kiss you, but the force of his movements made it hard. Instead, his lips hovered just above yours, both of you breathing heavily and moaning into each other's mouths.
Eyelids drooped a bit too low as your mouth went completely ajar, exhaling weakly. It didnât take long for another wave of pleasure to rush through your body. You convulsed beneath him, thighs quivering violently as you tried to angle your body away from him, the pleasure almost unbearable now.
Through the haze of your orgasm, you caught a glimpse of him throwing back his head with his eyes screwed shut. Then he finally groanedâhis movements slowing, breath sputtering from his lungs as he exploded, pumping once, twice, three times all before coming to a halt, cock twitching inside you.
You watched the sweat bead down his forehead as you both worked silently to relax your bodies, pulses pounding in ruthless rhythm. With a deep, contented sigh he finally slid himself out of you before going through his discarded pants on the floor.Â
After a moment, he returned to you and unlocked the handcuff from your wrist, the sound of the lock clicking echoing in the room. The chains fell onto the bed with a soft thud as he gently took hold of your hands.
âAre you okay?"
You nodded, offering him a reassuring smile. "I'm okay."
He pressed a tender kiss to both of your wrists, his lips lingering over your pulse for a moment. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asked anxiously, his eyes raking over your body. "Was I too rough? Did Iâ""
"Spencer, relax," you whispered, you took his hand in yours. "I'm good. I promise."
"You sure?" he asked, his face still tight with concern.
"Yes, more than good. Just come cuddle with me?"
He hesitated, his eyes scanning over your body for a few seconds longer. After he seemed satisfied you really were okay, he lowered onto the bed beside you and you drew his head to your chest. Your fingers gently played with his hair, watching as he slowly relaxed into you, throwing one of his arms across your stomach.Â
"Thank you," he whispered. "I... I think I needed that."
Your attention shifted to his face, happy to see his expression finally somewhat peaceful as he lay just above your breasts. His eyes were closed, the tension you'd noticed on his face when he'd arrived entirely gone now.
Gently running your fingers through his hair, you whispered, "Of course, baby. Anytime you need me, I'm here."
His lips curved into a small, contented smile as he nestled closer to you. "I love you."
A surge of warmth filled your chest at his words. "I love you too," you whispered back. "But are you okay? Do you want to talk about what happened at work?"
You felt him shift as he shook his head. "Maybe later. I just want to hold you right now."
You gently kissed the crown of his head before pulling him closer. Spencer sighed happily as he snuggled closer to you, listening to the steady rhythm of your heartbeat against your chest. He then reached over your breasts, his thumb trailing over the marks he had left on your skin.Â
"I didn't realize you enjoyed that so much."
You shrugged the shoulder beside his head. "It's hard not to. I mean, I think I've always liked it when you're in control, and that doesn't only apply to sex."
He leaned back to look at you. "Really?"
You nodded, a small smile playing on your lips. "Yeah. Remember the first time we started dating and someone broke into my apartment?"
"How could I forget?" he replied, a frown tugging at his brows as he recalled the memory. âThat was one of the scariest moments in my life.â
"Right. You thought some serial killer was targeting me when it was just a random robbery. But the way you handled the situation..." you continued, your voice softening. "When you took charge and made sure I was safe, I realized how much I trusted you. And I remember thinking, 'Damn, my boyfriend's pretty cool.'"
His frown melted away, replaced by a warm smile at your words. "You thought I was cool?"Â
You chuckled, nodding as you met his gaze. "You're cool, smart, and hot at the same time," you teased. "What I'm trying to say is, I like it when you're in control because I like to depend on you. You make me feel safe and cared for."
His expression softened even further, a tender warmth filling his eyes. "I like it when you depend on me too," he confessed softly. With a gentle tug, he sat up, bringing you along. "Come on then, let me care for you now."
You looked up at him. "Yeah? What do you have in mind?"
"I think we both need that nice warm bath."
You smiled, already feeling the tension in your muscles ease at the thought of a soothing bath with him. "Will you wash my hair too?"
He pushed a strand of hair off your face, his heart swelling with affection at the look in your eyes. How could he resist when you looked at him like he hung up the moon for you?Â
"Of course," he replied without hesitation. "I'll do whatever you want me to do."
#spencer reid#spencer reid smut#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid one shot#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds fanfic#gifwriting#spencer reid x reader smut#dr spencer reid#spencer reid x y/n
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#OP do you by chance have red hair or at least have natrual red hair at some point in your life?
nope i'm naturally blonde but with black eyebrows bc nature thought that would be hysterical
which is a travesty bc i have green eyes + the perfect skintone for it i look really good as a ginger
a fun and fucked up fact about me is that when i was in sixth form (16-18), approximately 10 years prior to being diagnosed ADHD, i drank SO MUCH store brand energy drink that 2 things happened
1) It became such an obvious and well known Thing about me that my tutors started putting "too much red bull can kill you" news articles on the walls. These were not present in rooms I didn't have classes in. It was not a college-wide initiative. That was for me, specifically. Nobody said it but we all knew.
2) Several friends suggested, in all seriousness, I contact the Guinness Book of Records to set a record for "most caffeine consumed with no physical effect" after I had 3x 1 litre bottles in about an hour and my heart rate was still exactly the same and nothing about my demeanour had changed at all. Meanwhile Ryan had 1 bottle and was physically vibrating. Because he's normal.
(I didn't do it because it would require having a medical professional present the whole time to verify and like absolutely nobody with a medical degree is going to do that in good conscience)
#'blondes don't have eyebrows' skill issue tbh#but nope not ginger just a chronic pain enjoyer#and most of us have some form of Liver Is A Bitch genetics for unknown reason#it's just a lot of people don't know that's what it is i think#because most doctors don't know it's a thing#like i know it's more pharmacology than anything but it really would be very useful and save a lot of time#if they were at least aware of the concept#i mean really it's 2 pathways responsible between them for the vast majority of medication#if they just learned common ones for those two they'd join the dots so fucking quickly#but no. here we are. had to figure that out for myself (mostly) (a very smart woman told me about the concept) (shoutout to trenchkamen)#and then do a study on myself to prove it#and prove i could alter it (one of them)#(i mean i can alter the other one too but it isnt worth the hassle)#and then give that study to an adhd specialist#to explain why we were failing and how to fo from an F to like a C-#so now one (1) specialist and my GP accept this as just a thing and will factor in accordingly#but every other doctor is still like 'that's not a thing'#buddy stop making the fact you don't know HOW drugs work my problem#it shouldnt have been my problem but it was and i solved it just sit down#honourable shoutout to my GP who just accepted i was a drug goblin before either of us knew why#and just prescribed anything new at max dose to start with to save us all the time#a duty psych once sent me away from urgent care with 2mg valium and when i told my GP that he straight up cackled#because not 3 weeks before we'd gotten to 60mg (triple max dose) before giving up#and if said psych had looked at my notes for like 5 seconds he would have known that
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