#Social Anxiety Be Damned I Can Do This

[running-tweezers]

I was invited to a Small Social Gathering for a friends birthday and there will be people there I have not met yet, pls send me an ounce of energy.

[stiffyck]

You know when you know a person who you could see yourself being friends with if they weren't such a cunt-

[totheidiot]

all i can think about is that i am going as L for halloween. I AM GOING AS L FOR HALLOWEEN EEE.

[cat-tranzer]

ugh i kinda wanna get back on tumblr and rot my brain out some more

[slippery-minghus]

gods, why didn't i get a college degree in anything useful?

[stars-and-cows]

Once I made a whole Excel form that served as my timeline to my Haikyuu future au with all the kids and pairings and ocs that all made one big story. I still have it, it's not finished tho. I might finish it soon.

Yes this is just my excuse to say I am very not normal about this show. Special interest babeyyy

[lovewarmthandloneliness]

my coworker randomly came up to my desk and talked about something which reminded him of his age (he's like..50), and then he went into dad-mode and said "you truly need to enjoy every second of this life. it's way too short."

i just gave him a smile and said that he was right, but damn, whenever i hear such "advice", something inside of me breaks. what if i don't enjoy life? what if i haven't enjoyed life for so long now? i am completely and painfully aware of how many things i've been missing out on, and i doubt that it's going to improve in the future. going to therapy has only been uncovering all the reasons why i've been feeling and acting the way that i do, but it's not helping in solving anything, because most of these things cannot be solved. i am stuck in this shit, and if i ever reach my coworker's age, i'm probably going to have a gazillion regrets.

[bread-tab]

Re: that last post I reblogged with the worst case/best case/realism; some thoughts from what's happening in my life these days

Somehow in the last few weeks I have stumbled into a leadership position, which has happened before but this time it's In Real Life and I'm sitting there (in real life in a conference room) moderating a group of 10-20ish people in discussions

I'm an autism with severe social anxiety. I might have decided to do something like this on my own initiative, eventually, after a lot more therapy. But it's uh... not something that comes natural. The previous group leader was having some hard times and I was like "hey, if you need someone to fill in for a couple sessions I can do that" and they were like "oh thank god, take over forever" and I was like "um okay sure" so here we are

And I'm not kidding myself into thinking I'm good at this, but. Sometimes there's a group of people who need someone to do the admin work, and in an ideal world that person would be charismatic, full of energy, and an organizational genius. But it's not an ideal world and I'm the one who stepped up, sooo... I'm doing my best

Part of that is keeping myself from having any socially anxious "aaaaa wtf am i doing" meltdowns. So, I've been avoiding thinking about worst case scenarios, because good lord, can I ever catastrophize. I've thought a little bit about best-case scenarios, because you gotta have goals, but... obsessing over ideals can make you lose sight of the good things that are actually happening in front of you.

That's what I've been focusing on, in the end. What good is happening. What little choices can I make to grow that good.

And when I'm sitting in that conference room, sometimes it's awkward, but mostly everyone's just there, seeing each other and feeling seen, making connections, making community.

In the end it's not about me and my anxiety. It's about showing up, turning on the lights, and bearing witness to the magic

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

breaking:guy who specifically did the research journals for some characters to try and save their stuff after isbs died, groans loudly upon realizing he has to go check his own posts to find the research journals he himself kept the record for

[late-tothe-party-07]

"My life isn't affected by my disability that much."

I say as I do school at home, operate well in the stores we go to (and still have issues from time to time even then) because I've gone in them for 7 years, and the main source of stress is on business trips most of the year.

Disability will have you thinking shit like “I’m not even that disabled. I can manage as long as I limit myself to very specific careers, never go shopping for more than an hour or two at a time, keep my plans open so I can cancel and stay in if need be, and only go out a few nights per week at the most”

[jamiebluewind]

Innocent bystanders and my ride: *minding their business*

My oblivious ass leaving the chiropractor: MY BUTT DON'T GO THAT WAY HOW DO I WALK!???

[pyroshrooms]

I cannot believe I stopped annoying people in their inboxes, probably my biggest failure

[emmaspolaroid]

AHH YAY I get to be done nannying early today :’)

[noonslullabies]

And so, I officially graduated from therapy!

After 2 1/2 years, I'm in a good place, and ready to move onto the psychiatry cos the physiological effects from my chronic illness need medicinal aid!!

[void-tiger]

…okay I swear there’s a joke somewhere in “Tiger’s not belting out singing to cover one half of the room? Must be in the kitchen!” and sure enough, there I am. There must be one.

[daincrediblegg]

no you know what I'm going to scream about the stuff I talked about in the tags of this post publicly

I'm tired of the well-meaning "don't feel bad if your work only gets 20 notes your genius is what counts and do it for you!" bullshit. I've had a good handful of friends who have straight up DEACTIVATED in recent months because their work was not getting reblogged AT ALL. No, it wasn't from lack of not being well-liked, no it wasn't from lack of trying to make sure it was getting out there to the people they knew would engage with it. It was because no matter how much they were praised privately for their work, when push came to shove, absolutely NOBODY reblogged it and gave it the audience that it was due, and I'm tired of people shoving the "unsung genius" narrative as an excuse for it. Nothing excuses that. And the boop event really proved that.

because I know given the opportunity, indiscriminately pressing a button (sometimes 10 thousand times, as I did) is not beyond this website's capability. y'all loved doing that. and look at what it wrought. nothing but love and affection and happiness. just from a couple of quick clicks of a little paw button. sure. nobody knew who you booped but the other person (which is how likes used to work on this website, btw). there was an element of anonymity to it. but that is kind of the core of this website that no other social media platform still has: the ability to be anonymous. and hyper-curating a blog on here like you might on twitter or instagram to project an image is simply not viable. and hey. you wanna know a secret: literally nobody cares what you post or whether it goes with the "theme" of your blog or not. yeah. I know. CRAZY concept in this day and age. but literally. I myself have reblogged things that have had nothing to do with whatever I am currently fixated by and you know what happened to my follower count? not a damn thing. in fact, I actively try to reblog things specifically BECAUSE it's my friends who made them (even though I'm not always good at KEEPING UP WITH HOW MUCH THEY POST @prismatica-the-strange will NEVER GO UNRECOGNIZED by me).

And you know what fucking sucks? I have to deal with this too. surprise right? you ever wonder why I reblog fics or art I post like 20 times the day that I post them? do you ever wonder why I ask about tag lists and beg for asks all the time? IT'S BECAUSE EVEN I GET LIKE. 5 LIKES ON THE THINGS I POST. AND THE REST OF THE REBLOGS ARE MINE SO I CAN MAKE SURE THAT PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SEE WHAT I MAKE GET TO SEE IT. and I say that knowing that I'm certainly not an unpopular blog, or an unpopular writer. I know that people love the stories that I create. Hell, half of the people that I've talked to about lady terror have told me that they consider her to be canon (AND EVEN SOME!! THOUGHT SHE WAS!!! WITHOUT EVEN HAVING WATCHED THE SHOW! WHICH IS STILL SO SO WILD TO ME!!!) But especially in the last 4 years (which really dates this phenomenon), my posts, no matter how well received they've been amongst people I've talked to about them directly, I still go into the notes and at least half (often more than half) are MY reblogs to make sure people saw what I posted. and it happens every single time, and I can't tell you how much it crushes me considering that it used to be that I would be able to post it only once, and people would reblog it sometimes even HUNDREDS of times.

It's not about popularity. it never has been. it's not about anxiety. or shifting website cultures. even if you lurk, the simple fact is, that if you want people to keep making what you love. you have to reblog. your theme won't suffer because you reblogged a fanfiction that you really admire. your posting won't be ruined because you reblogged some fanart from someone in a different fandom. really. I promise. and if people do unfollow you for that? who needs em. followers come and go but you should NEVER have to cater to them. on this website it has ALWAYS been the other way around. lean into it. make it yours. put stuff you ACTUALLY WANT to be seen and that you love and appreciate on your blog. no matter how old it is, how new it is, no matter how niche or off-theme it is.

so please. if you really want to show your appreciation for someone's work? you reblog. it's really as easy as that. check the tags. add some when you reblog if you like. but please for the love of god reblog. it's as easy as booping and even more rewarding for the people who you reblog from. if you want to let someone know that their work is genius and appreciate it? show it. reblog. then DM them if you're too nervous to say what you want to say but not in a public forum. but for christ's sake. REBLOG.