#So might as well try and keep it longer
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Warm Coco (speedpaint)
#kris#deltarune#kris deltarune#speedpaint#hallo#i was able to draw for myself finally now that the semester was over#i died for two weeks and am arguably still dying (work... again...) but am doing my best to keep doing things#will try and iron out some details for another magma soon since there was a lot of interest in another one after the halloween one#i *was* gonna see if anyone was available this week but i was too drained to make a poll and a plan#so it might have to wait until after christmas#but soon! ...hopefully#anyway i tried the default watercolor brushes mixed with the one i usually use#they work well together :>#between those two and the pencil brush i was able to get in a lot of fun textures and smears#will try this again but it took a lot longer than what i normally do#so next time will be a lot more planned#also i'm proud as hell of those hands lets gooooo#ooh i just realized i forgot to finish something#i won't say what in case nobody notices it but i will know#but i am too lazy to fix it and redo the speedpaint so it shall stay like this#favorites
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as of late i have been haunted by the thoughts of venti + vennessa + nameless bard polycule . they are . in mybrain
#i think seeing all the ventinessa arts while working on bard of ven week prompts shifted something in my brain#like they would all get along well …………….#sniffles and then i think about them being childhood friends and it just spirals#special shout out to my friend arson and all his lovely lovely lovely ven + nessa doodles/arts 🤍#ITS JUST#okay hear me out#i say as i cant decide between two#THE FIRST#is that ven and nessa are already good friends before meeting bard in like . middle school or smthn#then one day ven sees bard in a class and is like .. ouhh .. pretty boy ……. and then gets delivered the news that he will be working with#him on smthn and then proceeds to get even more endeared to this guy#and keeps coming back to nessa like .. SNIFFLES HE . HAS BIRD THEMED EVERYTHING . HE HAS A LITTLE BINDER OF BIRD ENCYCLOPEDIA#to the point nessa is like . teasingly . sevens you talk so much about this guy im starting to yearn#i might ask him out before you do#ven looking like that one teary eyed hamster meme: NESSA 💔💔💔#and then she bumps into bard one day and they hit it off after realizing oh THATS who you are ??? hello !!!!!!!!!!!! i know you !!!!!!!!#and she has a moment like . oh . oh yeah no okay im getting it . he’s really cute . oh no . we just had a long debate and he kept#pushing his glasses up because they kept almost falling when he gestured very widely#oh no . <- realizing that it is no longer /joking when she says she is yearning for him#then bard is promptly pursued by one determined ven and nessa who are like 🤝 we gotta have him in our lives#THE SECOND !!!!!!!!#on the one hand it would be such fun if some way like maybe ghost bard …. appearing before them ….#and it just spiraling from there where bard and nessa are like leaning into each other as they try to work out details and ven is watching#them with such a dopey smile BC HIS FAVORITE PEOPLE .. together ….. and then nessa beckons him over and they all start talking and hsut#ven and nessa love kissing bards cheek at the same time bc it flusters him immediately and makes him really red and he’s this 🤏 close to#throwing pillows at them. bard and nessa also have turns of which two the others lay on bc they give nice cuddles+ven wld rather be held#they also keep giving ven stuff when theyre done with them bc he likes eating it/doing smthn with it. give him an apple or paper#AUGH okay .#lantern says stuff
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D:BH Rarepairsweek 7 | @dbhrarepairs
Day 3: Hank/Markus After the revolution, Markus and Hank are both trying to deal with the new situation they've been handed. Their paths cross.
#dbhrarepairsweek#hank anderson#dbh markus#hank x markus#hankus#??? idk but ive seen someone else at least use this tag so i might as well#detroit: become human#d:bh#dbhrarepairs#aight. this might be the rarest pairing im doing this week. maybe.#IM BRINGING MY HANK/MARKUS AGENDA TO THIS EVENT#IVE BEEN KEEPING IT LOWKEY (the fics are wip) SO FAR BUT. NOW IT IS TIME.#look ive been examining these two in my brains for a while now. it makes sense to me.#you will understand my vision.#i was debating writer a longer caption but once again: i'd let you fill in the blanks for this one#i might make more specific content for them in the future#like i had even more interesting scenes to use but im doing this gifset for now hehe#MY VIEW ON THIS was like. Connor getting more involved in android stuff because he wants to support Markus#Hank relapses a bit with his mental health issues but manages it better than he has ever done before#Markus who is burnt out and trying to find rest and dealing with his own demons#manages to notice Hank's struggles. Helps him out lowkey. Is interested in him.#then TO BE CONTINUED#I THINK THE IDEA OF THEM TALKING IS SO FASCINATING ALRIGHT#also. obv. if you see this as platonic only then that is up to you i cannot take it from you and feel free to reblog i absolutely wont mind#but to clarify: markus would be down bad for hank. that's MY canon. I know it in my heart.
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it’s sunday im in sucks <- experiencing the horrors, none of which are actually connected to church
#first of all. thought it was fast Sunday and it’s not. that’s on me#secondly. i keep SNEEZING#so im sitting in the hall. trying to listen in to the meeting. bc ive already gotten up three times so might as well stay out#im invested :( i want to be in there :(#but i am a worse distraction than the nursery kids in sacrament meeting atp 💔#sigh. and there’s still 2nd hour. and a linger longer#i can do this i can do it ive got this
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I feel so fucking helpless sometimes. It gets harder and harder to hold onto any kind of hope. Any feeling that things could realistically get better. That I could get better. I hoped and hoped so hard, and I don't think there's any hope left in me at this point.
The temptation to just give up is always there, constantly on my mind. And the fact I know I won't actually go through with it is starting to just become one more reason I hate myself.
#vent post#I keep heavily reconsidering if I even want to post this or if this is too much even for vent post standards#but fuck it#I'm not getting anywhere by staying quiet#to be clear you won't actually have to worry about me killing myself or anything#as much as it's constantly on my mind#like I said I don't think there's any chance I go through with it and I don't think that'll change any time soon#just feeling at a real low point at the moment#it'll probably get a little better in a few hours when my friends wake up and I can feel the slightest bit less fucking lonely#but yeah#honestly not much of a point to this post#not asking for anything#not heading towards any kind of solution#just...#desperation I guess#not sure what I'm even desperate for#I don't know what's wrong with me or what I need#if I did I could at least try to find a solution#but whatever#I'm rambling far longer than I intended#far too long for a post that I'm not even sure I'll actually post#because I don't want to worry people with things that I don't know they can help with#that I don't know can even be helped#but at the same time keeping to myself has never helped so far#so I guess I might as well
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Do you have any thoughts on “kaichou wa maid-sama?” You seem well read on shoujo!
I haven't actually read Maid-sama, though I did watch the anime a few years back. Love seeing Nobuhiko Okamoto get to be the love interest, thought the romance was pretty interesting, don't know if I'd heartily recommend it to anyone (sort of was a product of its time)
#asks#my shojo knowledge is mostly like...anime I pick up#that i am then inspired to imbibe through my eyeballs#plus a few I pick up here and there from friends who having been reading shojo much longer and with much more focus than me#i have a rotation for which manga i choose to pick up when#and i try to spread evenly between shojo/josei and shonen/seinen#as well as webtoon/manhwa#so i wouldn't say i'm deeply read but i do keep abreast of quite a few#when i watched maid-sama i was told the ending was kinda. meh#and after hearing what it was i decided not to read on. i might change my mind soon#since i think i'll be writing a maid-sama AU for bingo#so i'll at least be rewatching if not actually reading the manga#but shojo from this time LOVE to do the whole like. every MC becomes a SAHM at the end after not seeing their LI for a billion years#and like. listen. i'm a SAHM myself but it's like that tumblr post. not every woman's journey is being a mom. not every mom is the same#fruits basket made sense. but kamisama kiss? maid-sama? that's some japanese government interference friend
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young and he fine and he tall and he handsome
#mingi.#i usually save the brainrot for my kpop insta but ive been trying to word this post 3 diff times and one pt got close enough to post#but insta corrupted the image so i deleted it and gave up#so i feel like here is better. safer. etc. even if no one will see it#ANYWAY#i keep seeing edits of this with yunho and like theyre not wrong HOWEVER this song is so mingi coded to me#both in terms of musical sound and like. vibe …#if i had to associate yunho with a song it would be like. fearless era or speak now era taylor swift#like mingi is the boy that turns heads on the sidewalk and yunho is your childhood sweetheart boy next door that you cant seem to forget.#you feel#do you understand#like theyre neighborhood icons but for 2 diff reasons#(and they were best friends <3 and they were both boys) what?? did someone say something?????#i realize this view is reductionary and tropey! however they are simply like blorbos in my head#irl song mingi + jeong yunho i hope you live very happy lives and never see this#anyway hes So fine#i think i have to add him to the bias list * hissing *#(and at this point if ur biasing half the group u might as well not have a bias line at all. go big or go home. 8-hit combo.)#hgh#edit- like i think there has to be some amount of … gritty boy swag (forgive me) for this song to apply to you. yunho’s image is too clean#like you’ve got to be a Little bit frat bro. you know what i mean.#other ppl i would apply this to- 1. choi san 2. bang chan (though he isnt super tallwhfhsnfsbfj)#like seungmin is also tall (ish) but he’s like yunho he’s got a very proper image/aesthetichejfbefjh fuck. i have a type.#FUUUCKKK#JAN 22 EDIT THIS VIEW IS NO LONGER REDUCTIONARY OR TROPEY BC SONG MINGI CONFIRMED IT HIMSELF BY USING THIS SONG ON HIS INSTA POST.#i am right all the time.
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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I've only written three requests today and I'm so burnt out holy fuck I don't think I'm ever gonna get through them all 😭
#🧚🏽♀️ — luxe chit chat#i love them all dont get me wrong#but i just keep looking at my inbox like????#HOW do i write all of these!!!#ugh I really wanna try but i might have to call it quits for today#but then i get stressed bc the longer i dont write them the bigger the pile will get AAAAA#i have no will power either bc im reqs are closed and people are still sending them and they are always so juicy so im like :)#well i HAVE to write that#ugh pls im dying gjfahslkgadkl
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iiii kinda wanna change my name
#i dont mean my legal/deadname ofc obviously i wanna change That#but the name i picked for myself instead a few years ago#i kinda picked it in a hurry bc i was realizing my gender was transing and i needed my deadname detached from me asap#i had a couple of halfhearted excuses for picking it but it was mainly an excuse to switch my online alias to F/eph#since the name started with f#and since then i figured i might as well keep it to continue justifying the eph alias#but. i am no longer so concerned w my own lore tm that i feel i need an excuse for eph#and im realizing that if im gonna be going through the process of medically + socially transitioning id rather do it with a new name#and i do have one in mind#that i think would give me more (gender) euphoria to use and that would lend itself well to both english and my first/home language#unfortunately im not fully out to anyone irl and the few ppl i do talk to online just use eph sooo#i dont rly have anyone to help me try it on. as it were#hmmmmmmmmmmm#personal
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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weeoo
#this is gonna be me talking in tags today#ive been rather sleep deprived lately trying to keep up with everything around me#and its been taking a toll on my health like#if i go too long like this i tend to feel more lethargic and my allergies kick in#i got a sore throat bc my room has been Freezing and then i get headaches way way easier#often times my face will flush but its just my nose and idk why#well anyways lmao i just aint feelin great due to lack of sleep#so i emailed my teachers and stayed home and others might say this wasnt it#but i can barely get to sleep at all these days and just bed ridding myself#seemed like the only way for my body to be like#'fine 🙄 u can sleep' lmao#thats actually one of the worst symptoms is im restless i just Cant grt to sleep no matter how hard i try#ive had a couple days where i was running on 2-3 hours bc i spent even longer Laying there#anyways i hope this makes a difference im tired of feeling tired and shitty#luckily my mood has weirdly been high#its just my sleep and health that are low#i think when the sleepiest soldiers are unable to get sleep thats when u know smths wrong#i think also so much is happening and me trying to keep up is taking more outta me than i expected#im a gal who gets overwhelmed easily even if im happy w whats happening lmao#tho im not Happy im more In a Good Mood lmao#side tangent but i HATE being an adult who doesnt have like idk Help lmao#like my dad was so nice to me sometimes and helped me sometimes#i could go a whole day sleeping bc id be fucking exhausted#and hed qake me up and ask me when i last ate and if i couldnt decide but itd been too long#hed make smth for the both pf us or hed make it For me and id just be able to like recover lmao#ah adulthood is hard lmao#alright im done#gata#no need to read <3 yall
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One of my fave jackets is this green jacket with a fur hood im wearin rn because 1.) its green 2.) my dad gave it to me 3.) it reminds me of saejima. Who also reminds me of my dad
#snap chats#p sure i talked bout this jacket before but idc read my diary#sorry that every other middle aged man i see i say reminds me of my dad its a compliment#tbh love how i clowned on ichi for being on premium copium bout arakawa but highkey i woulda done the same bout my dad.. i get it ichi..#anyway :) i legally get to talk about my day with him now :)) HE SAID THE FUNNIEST SHIT UPON SEEING ME#HE SAID ‘oh wow we dress similar :)’ and keep in mind. he was wearing a latte brown coat with a black turtleneck and pants and shoes#meanwhile. i approach With Black Pants And Shoes Admittedly but then im in this goofy old ass jacket with a red scarf#and a crane-decorated dress shirt that i got two buttons undone on like DAAD you are senile. hes so funny#so fun my dad actually recognized this was the jacket he got me- it was one of the first things he bought for me after i told My Secret 🙈#also i finally asked how tall he was and i can’t believe my dad matches the criteria to be an rgg character he’s fuckin 6’1 like i thought#AH but today was really nice- i got to hang with my sis and her husband as well as my dad’s wife :)#it was awful tho cause the second my sis saw my dad’s outfit she’s just like ‘it’s so kdramacore’ AND SHES RIIIGHT 😭😭#we later found out dad’s wife loves kpop…. and she bought him his new clothes…. so we are no longer surprised….. AWFUL.#honestly i could write a drama based off my dad’s life i really could it has elements for it. i mean ig i kinda do that already dont i#i borrow. anyways. today was fun :) even if i almost lost my mind trying to take the train the first time#this train system was weird… it wa worth tho it was great seein popop again#yeah….. ugh i have to still drive home from the station. and hope my car is still there#i get very paranoid leaving my car alone so openly i dont like it…#anyways. bye bye :) i might nap til my stop or work on a fic i started#‘snap what happened to’ dont worry about it i need to look at something else or ill scream#ok bye 👋
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At the crossroads between wondering if it's worth it to basically completely rewrite all my WIPs or just take a break from writing for the rest of the summer
#i noticed every summer i get progressively worse lol#like not in terms of writing but in terms of everything else goin on in my head#i mean if anyone is craving some dark and depressing shit i've got bits and pieces here#it's like i'm writing for an audience even in my own mind. can't finish anything because it's __ __ __ etc and my niche is too niche.#did my last fic really burn me out that much?? i mean it was basically 30 thousand words and there was a LOT packed into it#maybe i should finally respond to comments and i'll feel better.#something's been going on with me for the past couple months (maybe longer) and i'm just annoyed ALL the time#feel like i want to give up everything and stop talking to everyone. ((it could be my out of whack hormones mind))#so if i haven't been as active and haven't drawn or written much that's why. i'm pulling away and curling in like an atrophied limb.#my brain is just permanently in school mode. i can feel it gearing up for the oncoming year that's going to be super intense.#like would it even matter if i post any more work before september? idk why i can never seem to chill or take a break for even a minute.#i still have drawing projects i want to finish at least! taking me literally all summer because of surprise health problems.#partner was consoling me about how i feel for writing '''weird''' stuff with almost no focus on romance#saying that SOMEbody has to write what i write so that should keep me going. i just tell myself that it could be worse -#- i could be primarily a femslash writer. they are the real heroes and they get no respect.#idk why i'm getting so angsty#i think i might be romance/sex repulsed atm. not in real life at all but in fandom. i'm bored of it. and i'm bored of conversations about i#i'm sure i'll change my mind in what two weeks or so.#maybe i'll try to write something original#i have things in my ask box i should respond to. like asks about my writing. i just haven't been feeling well#so i haven't had the right brain to respond :( but i see the asks and i'm grateful <3#anyway peace and love
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I wanted to have a sleepy lie in today but instead I got a horrible dream about an elephant chasing me so I guess I’m awake now
#mobbtalks#it was a huge pitch black elephant… didn’t start off hostile but My God did it get there#it was super fucking scary because like. I certainly was not faster than this elephant#I couldn’t climb a tree to get away. no vehicles to carry me. no hiding places#the area was roped in by barbed wire fencing (in dream- to keep cougars and bears away)#but essentially all that did was seal me in. there were a few other people running with me#one of them was a bus driver who knew this area quite well. our little group split up a few times because the elephant couldn’t chase all of#is at once. to try and call for help. and I thought ‘oh it’ll be okay help will arrive in the nick of time probably’ but the bus driver was#like ‘THEY’RE GOING TO THINK WE’RE FUCKING JOKING’#and the longer we ran the more true that felt#eventually the bus driver and I found a huge wooden building#it was a historical recreation of something because there was a hiking trail nearby#but this was the off season so no one was there and nothing was inside#and for just a second we thought we might be safe when the bus driver went ‘oh no…’ and he pointed out this other room#which had a floor to ceiling window#and he said ‘i’m so sorry’ and I looked out the window and the elephant noticed me#and as it thundered towards us… I woke up#some of the noises that fucker was making were genuinely horrifying#like if a bagpipe could be evil. and worse.#mobbdreams
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hey guess what my car trauma includes the *inside* of the car too apparently! :D :| idk i feel like getting made fun of for having to eat fast food in my car between work and school while my catalytic converter shat itself to the point that my back seat footwells were filled completely with various QSR trash maybe gave me some sort of complex. Just a hunch though, who knows.
#i fucking despise my father today#perhaps instead of making fun of people who are exhibiting signs of struggle we find out what their struggle is#and help them out with it might be a more 'christian' thing to do Dad#but that would also require me to be a people to him and for anyone's struggles to be categorized by HIM as struggling#and his criteria is *narrow* on that front#god i hate this man so much right now i am just furious#yes there was a (only sort of) related incident that set me off on this - no it's not important or actually relevant#because i live with *nice* people now who understand that folks be going through some shit and also are willing to help when they can#but also my anxiety spiked so hard and fast my body only registered it as anger and i ended up snapping at my partner for no good reason#and i'm frustrated and embarrassed and sad about that even though we just talked it out and it's okay i think#because like...they didn't need that. they don't need to deal with all of this nonsense - neither partner nor meta do#and the fact that things like this happen on a semi-regular basis makes me so....#well frustrated embarrassed and sad#and angry but i try to direct that where it's actually meant to go and not at myself as much because a lot of the things i do#are coping mechanisms and behavior patterns that i no longer need to keep me safe#but i don't have as many backup options as I had previously thought and it's hard to reach for new ones when i'm In A State#so we're just...handling it. It's fine. I'm fine.#i do hate my father though
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