#So I'm only sort of alive | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

multifandom-nerds-blog · 7 months ago

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It was finally time for Shinsou and Monoma action in the anime, let's go! Also just Aizawa being Eraserdad to all of them kids.

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madamemiz · 1 year ago

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sad: falling out of a hyperfixation

tragic: watching your beloved friends and mutuals fall out of the hyperfixation while you're still in it

#oughhhhhhh #this is about the dca fandom but also about every other strong fixation ive had over the years lol #i know it's normal and inevitable esp for less popular works or minor characters with little canon content #and there's nothing wrong with smaller communities of course those rock #but there’s just something special about getting into something at the same time as a lot of other people all at once #and existing in this chaotic fandom space that's just bursting with creativity and passion #i've been in fandom spaces for as long as some of you have been alive and i've only come across that sort of unbridled joy like #a handful of times at best #it's just a heartbreaking feeling to see real lightning in a jar fandoms like that wither away as people drift away #(understandably so!)#anyway don't mind me i'm just having thoughts #musing about fandoms past as well #that i too eventually moved on from but remember fondly even if im not active in anymore #also my music just aint hitting right so im just sitting in silence which makes me more Contemplative(tm)

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worstloki · 6 days ago

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brodinsons AU where they are both acting the entire time the plot occurs. They both know both sides of what is happening at all times.

#brodinsons trying to plan a way to preserve both of them and it just keeps getting more and more difficult #like Loki tells Thor his arm went blue in the fight and Thor is like. oh. we SHOULD leave. and Loki is like yea u distract i'll get everyon #Thor hand Loki having a mind link of some sort idk like Loki falls and that genuinely wasn't meant to happen but then the link doesn't die #Thor knows Loki is being tortured with Thanos and Loki knows Thor is stuck on Asgard #Loki tells Thor to be Odin's favourite until the man dies and Thor convinces Loki to 'just attack Earth then'#they act out the 2012 movie #Loki goes to prison and is like ugh just leave me here ＼（´O｀）／#and Thor is like okay fine but only until father dies. BUT THEN THE ELVES ATTACK #they get out and pretend to be at odds #Loki dies #Loki wakes and is like hey im alive im going after Odin and Thor is like i'm a LITTLE BUSY FIGHTING FOR THE UNIVERSE!!!#and Loki is like mmmmmmm doing it now #Thor finally wins and is like whew im so exhausted........... loki? you there?#and Loki is like. well yes. im here. in Asgard. you should come back! Odin is gone btw #Thor: where did he... go...#Loki: aged care home #Thor: ........................................... *cackling*#Loki: :D #Thor: got em good

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tohjwcc · 8 months ago

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What if Yaz and Sammy are engaged in Chaos Theory!?

Like, I know them well enough to know they'd do anything to be with each other constantly. They love each other so so so much, and if that means getting married in their early 20's, then that's how it has to be!

Chaos theory will take place in 2022, which means Yaz will be 22 and Sammy will be 21, so I highly doubt they'll be married in ct. But I truly and highly believe they will be engaged.

Idk if the ones working on the show would let that happen, cuz they're not the "main main characters" and they're not "the main focus", but let's be real, it's YASAMMY we're talking about. The quirky lovely dovely couple that would propose to each other at the same time. They're not going to let some storyboard artists or show workers stop them from fianceeing eachother.

(lol, get it? They'd be fiancees and they're fianceeing eachoth- no, okay.)

But to summarize it all: I think, but mostly, I HOPE, Yaz and Sammy will be engaged in Chaos Theory.

Thank you.

#Sorry for my ramble. They're just the only thing i have in my head #I'm not complaining tho. They sort of completed my life. I wouldn't be the same without them #I love them SO MUCH. like. no words can describe my love for them #So if they are engaged in chaos theory then.. I just might be the happiest girl alive #jurassic world chaos theory #sammy gutierrez #yasmina fadoula #chaos theory #jwct #yasammy

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twentytwoarts · 19 days ago

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finished mother 3 for the first time last week so here's my take on a claus lives au

#thinking abt the irreversible damage done to claus' body and how much he must have suffered... :[#he's alive yes but many of his days are spent in discomfort...#only the pigmasks could give him the accommodations he needed to power through. but now he's without all of that. he has to live with it now #he's always freezing because of how much steel is in his body #that old jacket is the only thing that brings him any sort of warmth despite how much he hates it #this is a general hc but lucas went mute during the 3 years due to not really having anyone to talk to #it's also why he didn't learn much sign :')#i was in a lot of bodily pain the other day so of course i gave it to claus #mother #mother series #mother 3 #mother 3 fanart #mother 3 art #mother 3 spoilers #lucas mother 3 #claus mother 3 #mother 3 au #kinda wanted to draw more of this before i posted it but whatever i've been rotating this game around in my brain for so long . i'm so ill

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transmasc-rose · 6 months ago

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RULES: make a poll with 5 of your all-time favorite characters and then tag 5 people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favorite! (tagged by @seaweedstarshine)

Tagging (don't worry if you don't want to/have done it already!): @transgenderdoctorwhomst @27-27-gruff-triplets @quietwingsinthesky @lost-tardis-room @a-shard-of-quartz-lol

#rose rambles #thank you for the tag!!! :D #like Tree I tried to keep it to one per fandom #which meant I had to pick one from doctor who...#if I'd kept it to just dw It'd be Nine/Rose/Amy/Clara/the Master #also for the characters with the & symbol #its because both characters are Very Strongly Associated #Grima is the dragon/deity that possesses Robin in fea that he was like #born to be the vessel of. You usually prevent it from happening but the DLC/future story has it happen #and the story is preventing an event that by one view already occurred #as for Hermes and Fandaniel. Hermes was the ''full'' soul who took on the position of Fandaniel #and Fandaniel as mentioned on the poll refers to the soul piece in ''modern'' time that takes on the mantle of Fandaniel and body of Asahi #and has the memories of Fandaniel #but doesn't fully identify as Hermes #Fandaniel #or his most recent life Amon #he wants to blow up the world to end reincarnation👍#might as well explain the other two then for doctor who followers uhh #Jin is part of STREGA #a group of teens that were experimented on to awaken their Personas artificially #which is slowly killing them (their psyche is physically lashing out at them). So they also. Try to end the world.#The kids are left taking ''persona suppressors'' which is an experimental medication that is both the only thing keeping them alive and is #also slowly killing them. It doesn't get the chance to kill Jin though.#he's one of 3 (4 if you count the light novel) surviving kids out of 100 from the experiment and by the end of the game only Chidori is lef #And now Will Graham.#You probably all know Will Graham. And I have rambled long enough. But he's the origin of one of my names.#Most of these guys are villains thats just sort of how these themes get represented #and I'm nothing if not consistent lmao

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mad-hunts · 6 months ago

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this is a very specific scenario, i know, but barton trauma-bonding with a hero and vice versa because they got stuck in the middle of the desert together due to the fact that they were both simultaneously betrayed / LEFT TO DIE there, but they managed to survive after they spent some time vehemently refusing to help each other in the beginning. though, they soon began to help each other (albeit reluctantly) because they realized that would be the ONLY way that they would survive this. and barton tries to kickstart their bastardization arc™ by telling the hero to kill the people who dumped them there. and this is because, in his mind, they don't deserve to live. then barton goes on to tell them that he's planning on killing the person who betrayed him so it's fineee if the hero does it,, because he ain't a snitch + won't tell anyone they killed anyone (,: now whether or not the hero actually starts their bastardization arc is up to them, of course, but if anyone is interested in a plot like this... HMU because i think this would be such an interesting dynamic to roleplay 👀

#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ahh. we love... two people that normally wouldn't interact on friendly terms.... trauma-bonding? 🫠 idk LOL but something-#about this plot satisfied a dynamic that i've been wanting for a while and that is the ' people who hate each other become friends -#through a near-death experience / something that FORCES them to depend on each other ' type of thing and just. Thinking about how-#ruthless the desert can be in terms of survivability makes it that much more believable for me that two people would only really-#be able to stay alive there if they actually start collaborating with each other and set aside whatever differences they may have had-#from before so yeah. plus i just... idk why but i just kind of want barton to be friends with a hero okok though not through traditional-#means ofc because they would hate him which is more than deserved. though just imagining them trying to get 'back to normal' after this-#happens and by that i mean them having the usual 'hero-villain' dynamic BUT it doesn't work especially in barton's case-#bc they showed barton that they could trust him and he actually LIKES them as a person now so they just kind of. Meet in secret-#sometimes now and because they were out there for a while (i'm thinking probably around 2-3 months) perhaps they-#depended on each other for comfort too bc OMG is that a long ass time to be deserted somewhere and so man's will just sort of cuddle-#up to them like they did in the desert with his head in their lap as they run a hand through his hair and basically. Yeah they've got a-#complicated relationship now to say the least 😅#tw: mentions of murder.

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downtherabbitholewithlucy · 2 years ago

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Wes behind the scenes for the "Lie" Music Video

(x)

#you know how in the song he sings NOW I'M BURNING ALIVE JUST LIKE YOU #well watching Wes in all his behind the scenes glory has me 🔥BURNING ALIVE🔥#when I tell you this music video has a very special shrine in my heart i fucking mean it. so this bts stuff is like 🌽orn to me alright.#for one watching wes in his 'coon-eye make-up with the slutty smeared red lips and his wet hair and his painted body and those tight pants #🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵AND🥵#second... I'm a big 'ol sucker for bts stuff from music videos to movies. any media really. so this was like a thanksgiving meal for me.#I love how he had his 'lil spray bottle to wet his hair with them little 💧squirt squirts💧Wes... where does one apply for this job?#I can keep ya hydrated. I got'chu boo.#it wouldn't be a wes post without some sort of silly facial expression from him. only he would rock a 🤪b4 being dragged on the floor.#Wes Borland #Black Light Burns #Industrial Rock #Alternative Metal #Music Video: Lie #Limp Bizkit #nu-metal #down the rabbit hole #Wesley giving me that WAP on Wes Borland Wednesday

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stinkbeck · 4 days ago

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my cottagecore toxic yuri cousins who claimed to have good taste totally ruined me for a second there lmfao

#i was soooo put off by their taste + it's not like it was bad at all but it just wasn't for me #and like to only have them as role models was just too scary haha #i just hate isolation too much for all of that + there's an ignorance that comes with isolation + peace as well #idk. lots to think about. and like i just have different furniture tastes. layout tastes. i'm too aware of the structure of a room lol #i also just don't like being yelled at + i don't like being talked down to lol #i think it's hard when a lot of your family has gone. you have these great role models in youth and then they're gone and you can't #ask them for help and you might try to remember the layouts of their houses or the titles of their books but they're just gone #and you were too young to ask them about what really mattered when they died so it's like just too unfortunate.#but who knows. maybe it's better to have a space like that in your mind that's so untouched by adulthood. you can go back to a place #of pure idealism and twist it without realizing to become anything you want and then you can see in it just what it is that you want when #you've lost track of it in reality.#like i don't know a lot about the people i really looked up to but the impression i got was that they were insanely deep thinkers who #weren't afraid of living during tough times. who can say if that's true through and through but maybe there's a certain longing in grief #that's sort of liberating. like someone who you really admire becomes a place for you to look at the sort of person you'd like to be #i pick up books and think 'if she was alive today maybe she'd enjoy this too' and then i find myself pursuing something i wanted to pursue #but couldn't find the personhood within myself to do so

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dragoninahumancostume · 1 month ago

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My favorite part of being alive is that I've never felt welcome in any space except for that one year when I thought I was a non-binary bisexual asexual girl when I was 13 :)

#Before that I was a weird kid whose only source for human communication instructions was the shows on CN Nickelodeon and Disney XD/Channel #And even though I had friends I never felt loved enough #And AFTER that I realized I was more of a trans guy and that I don't trust women enough to know if I could be in love with one but that #maybe I like men but I can't know for sure because I have the bad habit of falling for any guy who pays attention to me for long enough #And I haven't felt included in queer spaces ever since I realized I wasn't any sort of girl because people in here seem to hate men a little #too much for me to feel safe being anything but a gnc emo girl #And not even getting started on being gay cause people on online spaces that I'm around often act like “girls and the gays!!” as if I'm #effeminate and flamboyant just for my sexuality when truly I'm heavily uncomfortable doing anything deemed as girly #vent post #And even the thought that I MIGHT be a straight trans guy makes me feel horrible cause so many queer people seem to hate straight people #Like hi did you forget that this place is supposed to make people feel safe and respected and proud of being themselves #Oooh and don't forget the autism! Cause I get why people complain about the diagnosis being only for cis white boys but like #I've literally never seen that. Ever. I'm not saying it doesn't happen I'm just saying that it's much harder for me to find any sort of #online diagnosis tool for someone who's not an adult or a parent or a cis woman than it is for me to find any for a girl #Like seriously man #And how I feel like I'm a horrible person for not having g empathy. DUDE I HAVE MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO KNOW ABOUT #like chill I'm not automatically a murderer and rapist and toxic and manipulative just cause I can't put myself in someone else's shoes #I'm just a guy who hardly feels alive or human. Of course I'm not going to reel very much about a stranger when i feel like I'm not supposed #to be this person in this place in this body in this mind. I don't feel like I'm here I don't feel like this is me and I don't feel like I #can care about other people and I don't know why but I'd really appreciate it if I could get yk some support instead of feeling like I #deserve death #anyway i'm normal

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get-a-snack-at-an-ungodly-hour · 10 months ago

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I wish people explored the fact that the player is an unfeeling husk more

#like. it has so much angst potential #bro is LITERALLY not even alive. they don't have any sort of free will whatsover #what if they gained sentience... what then....#ugjiugih i cannot be the only one insane about this i'm screaming #talking talking #get a snack at 4am #gasa4 snackcore

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invisiblemelonmoose · 11 months ago

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Thinking about how I rarely get the yuri I want in non-yuri specific media that has canon queer characters or a least a sizable yuri fanbase

#korasami was the first time I got what I wanted and bubbline the second and then never again #why don't most canon yuri ships appeal to me #99% of pokémon's popular game ships are objectively wrong #why are you shipping Hilda with Rosa when her childhood best friend is right there?#Jasmine canonically regularly hangs out with and admires Erica #stop making kris and lyra related when their only similarity is their hair style make them make out instead #mad that pricefield is technically canon when max regularly swoons over kate #still never understood how Kim and Ron got together (they never would have let Kigo become canon at that point)#but also Kim was too good for Ron tbh and I thought he'd be cute with Monique #I will probably never like HarleyIvy because Ivy was always a dick to Harley in btas and hardly a better option for her than the joker #(at least I can enjoy HarleyJoker knowing it's a terrible and toxic ship without having that reconned in all future media #and pretending I have some sort of moral high ground)#but also JokerHarley fans are terrible and keep them away from me #I bet you if the joker was female yuris would eat that shit up #where is my AkaneRanma yuri I'm dying please #I just need akane to be bi for ranma give me bi akane merch #invisible talking moose #someone watch Jubei-chan with me so I can stop being thr only person alive to ship her with Freesia

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royaltyfreeramblings · 3 months ago

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the leftism leaving people's bodies when someone is from the american south:

#prince.txt #i dont want to articulate my full thoughts bc it's. well i'm deeply sleep-deprived but the way the south is treated as a Monolith gets me.#every state is a monolith. every city is a monolith. every town is a monolith. we're all the same. there are no minorities in the south.#IT'S NOT AN EASILY DIGESTIBLE MONOLITH. IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE. THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE SOUTH WHO -AREN'T- A PART OF THIS IDEA #THAT PERMEATES THROUGH SO MUCH OF OUR CULTURE AND DISCUSSION.#The South is a multifaceted region with all sorts of people. there are so many minorities here. who are treated like shit by the system.#our politician's actions are the only things that speak for us in the eyes of some. because that's all they see when they look at the south #all they see is a place full of bigots. and not a place that's as alive as where they are.#fuck. this is not articulated too well. might delete but its been on my mind a lot because of helene.

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ectonurites · 1 year ago

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almost 4am can't stop thinking about the meaning of the idiom 'to have blood on [someone's] hands'—to be responsible for a person's death—combined with the fact that Zach is the one we are specifically shown with Daryl's actual blood on his hands (once for real and once in a dream)... Not Josh who had been holding the sword Daryl fell onto, but Zach who took the sword out.

#super dark times #+ part of it that's insane to me is: Josh COULD have easily ALSO gotten (literal) blood on his hands—we see him go to check for a pulse #after Zach did... but we don't see his hands during that—they're left out of the shot! we just see his face. and when we see his hands next #there's no visible blood on them (if any got on he theoretically wiped 'em off ig? similarly Zach's hands when seen AFTER the shot of him #touching Daryl ALSO don't rlly show blood anymore—we see his hands in the leaves tho so it prob went there) BUT SO there was a CHOICE made #to give us a close up shot of ZACH pulling his hand away from the wound with blood on it... but to NOT do the same/smthn similar with Josh.#and yet ZACH is the one who CAN'T ACCEPT THE ROLE HE PLAYED IN ANY OF ITTTTT!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!#this post brought to you by me rewatching the Zach + Charlie on the phone scene and needing to just. stop and scream at Zach being #like 'Josh‚ or fucking somebody else‚ they went up there and if they found Daryl alive—' LIKE BRO. YOU *KNOW* HE WAS DEAD.#YOU KNOW. YOU KNOOOOW. YOU WERE THERE. YOU KNOW HE WAS ALREADY DEAD. the denial. the trying to find any fucking way that #there could be even a sliver of a possibility that it WASN'T even PARTIALLY his fault.... shifting the blame entirely onto Josh...#[plus like. the 'somebody else' only added in after Charlie was giving him shit for trying to complicate this more—at first he was #straight up saying Josh was the one that fucked with the body]... aghghghsfd he makes me INSANE #also fwiw. i'm forever a 'Josh didn't harm anyone on purpose until AFTER his fight with Zach at Zach's house' truther. that provides #at least SOME sort of motivation to push him over an edge into... the shit that happens. anything before that just fuckin' doesn't make #sense. To Me. ive already written a lot on my thoughts about all of that though [uhhh in the tags of my gifset of the fight at Zach's house #anyways. im also NOT trying to say 'ah so we should Just Blame Zach' because nah nah this whole thing was a fucked up accident. they're all #to blame. plus Josh did horrible shit at the end On His Own there's no way of getting around that—but the messiness of how Zach handled the #initial incident and how that ripples out across the whole movie is simply soooooooo... ghghGHGhghGHGhghghgh. To Me.#in conclusion: im soooooooo normal about the characters in this movie (<- lying)

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obnoxiousarcade · 6 months ago

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I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think

#someone very recently acknowledged something that usually goes unseen and it wasn't even that great of an acknowledgement but ive just been #staring at the messages every once in a while. its great. not really i sort of feel like a real weirdo #im very lonely. i cant say why but let it be known that i am very lonely #ok i have a question to those who lie their eyes upon this post: tell me what you know about me please?#so much lies in my social perception and i am just. not being perceived. at all. darn #i have a lot to cry about but morally i dont think i should-- specifics would mean being mean to the people i love #talking to anyone anymore just makes me feel horrible. doing anything anymore makes me feel horrible..tmbg has my back though ill live for #another.week or a few. and then my birthday will happen and rhen um #.Well. it sucks that sucks man. i dont want to disclose my age but to elaborate on why ACTUALLY HOLD ON #the thing i am about to say is not true; it is a metaphorical thing: it is my 21st birthday soon.#i decided that i wouldnt live past this age around 5 years ago and the only reason ive lived five years is being killed this year. i dont #think every thing ive been desperately clinging on to for the past 2 (?) years can keep me alive past then..i think im going to die. i have #to #NO MORE BEING A DOWNER #fox (vulpes vulpes) on the Internet for the first time #okay maybe a little more..i dont know who im talking to in this post. my friends do not read my tumblr and. i dont know anyone else.really.#uh #I'm listen to tmbg right now i love them #hey reader; i can only think of 3 people who see enough about me to check my blog. so i have separate questions for the each of you.#one of you likes (liked? school came in and i couldnt see your blog much past then; idk if its changed) tmbg. what do you think of The Else?#and uh you there... the guyyy. Google john flansburgh..i dont have a reason to this one ive just not been able to stop thinking about askin #you what you think of him.#um third person..... um #okay theres nothing iecan ask. i do want to apologize to you though: im sorry.#iThis is bullshit #im gonna delete this soon #Um also sorry if my wording here is. really wack. i tend to do that #i dont think anyones going to see this as is always #i think i just like talking to the hypothetical beast. yeah

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sudokuplayer · 7 months ago

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i'm so angry and heartbroken and i think this is all i will ever be

#no it's not pms :( Jeremy is still missing and i haven't slept well waiting for him #it's getting so cold too #all my ''''progress'''' this year means nothing to me #also my sister is here because she didn't have to work yesterday and today and my brother video called her not knowing she was here #and when she picked up he was all cheerful and happy and it sounded like they video call often #(he texted me only a few times when he moved to the north and not a single time since he moved to Argentina)#and when he realized she was here he sort of got quiet and asked if i was around and she pointed the camera at me which always makes me sic #so i didn't look or wave and i didn't say anything and he said “she's got he headphones on” and my sister said no lol and it was awkward #then she told him we are all sad about Jeremy and said me in particular #i've been so sad and moody and angry #i can't do anything because of this anguish i feel #can't read or watch movies because i can't concentrate #i watched the emperor's new groove the other day to cheer up a little but it made sad #nostalgia doesn't work for me when i'm down like this because i see through it lol and i remember i spent my whole childhood scared #i remember i was certain something bad would happen to me (and it did but not as tragic as what i was scared of)#i'm rambling. i should be journaling instead #...#Keanu is with me now and i can't even look at him without tearing up because i start thinking about Jeremy #it's so cold and he's probably hungry. if he's even alive #the cats are all i have. i spend more time with them than with the only 2 humans i can interact with without throwing up (mom and sister)#you know how they say cats mirror twhe personality of their humans :( Jeremy is exactly like me. my mom and siblings used to joke about it #he hides when people come over to the house:( he pees himself when strangers touch him :(#we have the vet come over so we don't have to take him out of the house #and the vet is the only person he's forced to see. he pees himself when she touches him too #i can't stop thinking about how he's doing if he's still alive because he gets scared so easily and he's so anxious #i'm so angry because i should go outside and look for him but i can't even picture myself out of this house #i feel so betrayed too. because one thing is my stupid sick head thinking there's no amount of therapy or meds that could work for me #but why is my family listening to me when i say these things. why don't they get me lobotomized or something #maybe it is a bit of pms #📓

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