#So I'm only sort of alive
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It was finally time for Shinsou and Monoma action in the anime, let's go! Also just Aizawa being Eraserdad to all of them kids.
#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#shinsou hitoshi#monoma neito#bnha#bnha shinso hitoshi#bnha shinsou#bnha monoma#aizawa shouta#eraserhead#bnha aizawa#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#mha#Manga reader right here#Anyway I'm still alive#Or not so much#Pretty sure I'm getting sick again#I've been getting several bad headaches throughout the last few days#So I'm only sort of alive#Ninjago AU updates will still come#Eventually#byeeeee
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sad: falling out of a hyperfixation
tragic: watching your beloved friends and mutuals fall out of the hyperfixation while you're still in it
#oughhhhhhh#this is about the dca fandom but also about every other strong fixation ive had over the years lol#i know it's normal and inevitable esp for less popular works or minor characters with little canon content#and there's nothing wrong with smaller communities of course those rock#but there’s just something special about getting into something at the same time as a lot of other people all at once#and existing in this chaotic fandom space that's just bursting with creativity and passion#i've been in fandom spaces for as long as some of you have been alive and i've only come across that sort of unbridled joy like#a handful of times at best#it's just a heartbreaking feeling to see real lightning in a jar fandoms like that wither away as people drift away#(understandably so!)#anyway don't mind me i'm just having thoughts#musing about fandoms past as well#that i too eventually moved on from but remember fondly even if im not active in anymore#also my music just aint hitting right so im just sitting in silence which makes me more Contemplative(tm)
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圣人有情而无累
dihua + 情 | 莲花楼 mysterious lotus casebook
#莲花楼#mysterious lotus casebook#asiandramasource#dailyasiandramas#cdramasource#asiandramanet#cdramagifs#cdramanet#gifshistorical#cdrama#cheng yi#dihua#lhlgifs#jielin's edits#my posts#情 sentiments (not romance or love) / 圣人有情而无累 a sage possesses feelings but is unburdened by it#sgm lxy was described to be cold and unfeeling to the extent he's likened to a ''dead person''#not bc he was above feelings. bc clearly when he was made to face it...it went very badly#so llh ending at the point where he's so composed and at ease despite having to leave everything he cared about behind. yeah.#one would think llh would have been dead from bicha by then. but he's never been more alive tbh#very much a xianxia/cmyth narrative. by the theoretical definitions of xianxia/cmyth#it's a dihua thing to me also since it is them that evoked in one another each of their own ordeals with 情#dfs said to lxy that 你的弱点就是喜欢当英雄. what is good pretending your motivations are so noble#bc dfs had lived his whole life for himself and only himself. he does not pretend to be more than that#and the interesting thing is when it's followed by 一个剑客不该有弱点 as if he's speaking as the 理 of wulin.#being weak is bad and it means you'll lose. that's just the rule of wulin#he is that sort of paradoxical existence...#lxy goes on to prove otherwise as llh. while existing to bring to surface the 情 in dfs#-> just know i do not know what i'm talking about anymore i just have lots of convoluted thoughts about these two im incoherent about#uhhh enjoy some nice gifs!
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What if Yaz and Sammy are engaged in Chaos Theory!?
Like, I know them well enough to know they'd do anything to be with each other constantly. They love each other so so so much, and if that means getting married in their early 20's, then that's how it has to be!
Chaos theory will take place in 2022, which means Yaz will be 22 and Sammy will be 21, so I highly doubt they'll be married in ct. But I truly and highly believe they will be engaged.
Idk if the ones working on the show would let that happen, cuz they're not the "main main characters" and they're not "the main focus", but let's be real, it's YASAMMY we're talking about. The quirky lovely dovely couple that would propose to each other at the same time. They're not going to let some storyboard artists or show workers stop them from fianceeing eachother.
(lol, get it? They'd be fiancees and they're fianceeing eachoth- no, okay.)
But to summarize it all: I think, but mostly, I HOPE, Yaz and Sammy will be engaged in Chaos Theory.
Thank you.
#Sorry for my ramble. They're just the only thing i have in my head#I'm not complaining tho. They sort of completed my life. I wouldn't be the same without them#I love them SO MUCH. like. no words can describe my love for them#So if they are engaged in chaos theory then.. I just might be the happiest girl alive#jurassic world chaos theory#sammy gutierrez#yasmina fadoula#chaos theory#jwct#yasammy
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RULES: make a poll with 5 of your all-time favorite characters and then tag 5 people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favorite! (tagged by @seaweedstarshine)
Tagging (don't worry if you don't want to/have done it already!): @transgenderdoctorwhomst @27-27-gruff-triplets @quietwingsinthesky @lost-tardis-room @a-shard-of-quartz-lol
#rose rambles#thank you for the tag!!! :D#like Tree I tried to keep it to one per fandom#which meant I had to pick one from doctor who...#if I'd kept it to just dw It'd be Nine/Rose/Amy/Clara/the Master#also for the characters with the & symbol#its because both characters are Very Strongly Associated#Grima is the dragon/deity that possesses Robin in fea that he was like#born to be the vessel of. You usually prevent it from happening but the DLC/future story has it happen#and the story is preventing an event that by one view already occurred#as for Hermes and Fandaniel. Hermes was the ''full'' soul who took on the position of Fandaniel#and Fandaniel as mentioned on the poll refers to the soul piece in ''modern'' time that takes on the mantle of Fandaniel and body of Asahi#and has the memories of Fandaniel#but doesn't fully identify as Hermes#Fandaniel#or his most recent life Amon#he wants to blow up the world to end reincarnation👍#might as well explain the other two then for doctor who followers uhh#Jin is part of STREGA#a group of teens that were experimented on to awaken their Personas artificially#which is slowly killing them (their psyche is physically lashing out at them). So they also. Try to end the world.#The kids are left taking ''persona suppressors'' which is an experimental medication that is both the only thing keeping them alive and is#also slowly killing them. It doesn't get the chance to kill Jin though.#he's one of 3 (4 if you count the light novel) surviving kids out of 100 from the experiment and by the end of the game only Chidori is lef#And now Will Graham.#You probably all know Will Graham. And I have rambled long enough. But he's the origin of one of my names.#Most of these guys are villains thats just sort of how these themes get represented#and I'm nothing if not consistent lmao
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this is a very specific scenario, i know, but barton trauma-bonding with a hero and vice versa because they got stuck in the middle of the desert together due to the fact that they were both simultaneously betrayed / LEFT TO DIE there, but they managed to survive after they spent some time vehemently refusing to help each other in the beginning. though, they soon began to help each other (albeit reluctantly) because they realized that would be the ONLY way that they would survive this. and barton tries to kickstart their bastardization arc™ by telling the hero to kill the people who dumped them there. and this is because, in his mind, they don't deserve to live. then barton goes on to tell them that he's planning on killing the person who betrayed him so it's fineee if the hero does it,, because he ain't a snitch + won't tell anyone they killed anyone (,: now whether or not the hero actually starts their bastardization arc is up to them, of course, but if anyone is interested in a plot like this... HMU because i think this would be such an interesting dynamic to roleplay 👀
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ahh. we love... two people that normally wouldn't interact on friendly terms.... trauma-bonding? 🫠 idk LOL but something-#about this plot satisfied a dynamic that i've been wanting for a while and that is the ' people who hate each other become friends -#through a near-death experience / something that FORCES them to depend on each other ' type of thing and just. Thinking about how-#ruthless the desert can be in terms of survivability makes it that much more believable for me that two people would only really-#be able to stay alive there if they actually start collaborating with each other and set aside whatever differences they may have had-#from before so yeah. plus i just... idk why but i just kind of want barton to be friends with a hero okok though not through traditional-#means ofc because they would hate him which is more than deserved. though just imagining them trying to get 'back to normal' after this-#happens and by that i mean them having the usual 'hero-villain' dynamic BUT it doesn't work especially in barton's case-#bc they showed barton that they could trust him and he actually LIKES them as a person now so they just kind of. Meet in secret-#sometimes now and because they were out there for a while (i'm thinking probably around 2-3 months) perhaps they-#depended on each other for comfort too bc OMG is that a long ass time to be deserted somewhere and so man's will just sort of cuddle-#up to them like they did in the desert with his head in their lap as they run a hand through his hair and basically. Yeah they've got a-#complicated relationship now to say the least 😅#tw: mentions of murder.
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Wes behind the scenes for the "Lie" Music Video
(x)
#you know how in the song he sings NOW I'M BURNING ALIVE JUST LIKE YOU#well watching Wes in all his behind the scenes glory has me 🔥BURNING ALIVE🔥#when I tell you this music video has a very special shrine in my heart i fucking mean it. so this bts stuff is like 🌽orn to me alright.#for one watching wes in his 'coon-eye make-up with the slutty smeared red lips and his wet hair and his painted body and those tight pants#🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵AND🥵#second... I'm a big 'ol sucker for bts stuff from music videos to movies. any media really. so this was like a thanksgiving meal for me.#I love how he had his 'lil spray bottle to wet his hair with them little 💧squirt squirts💧Wes... where does one apply for this job?#I can keep ya hydrated. I got'chu boo.#it wouldn't be a wes post without some sort of silly facial expression from him. only he would rock a 🤪b4 being dragged on the floor.#Wes Borland#Black Light Burns#Industrial Rock#Alternative Metal#Music Video: Lie#Limp Bizkit#nu-metal#down the rabbit hole#Wesley giving me that WAP on Wes Borland Wednesday
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I wish people explored the fact that the player is an unfeeling husk more
#like. it has so much angst potential#bro is LITERALLY not even alive. they don't have any sort of free will whatsover#what if they gained sentience... what then....#ugjiugih i cannot be the only one insane about this i'm screaming#talking talking#get a snack at 4am#gasa4 snackcore
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Thinking about how I rarely get the yuri I want in non-yuri specific media that has canon queer characters or a least a sizable yuri fanbase
#korasami was the first time I got what I wanted and bubbline the second and then never again#why don't most canon yuri ships appeal to me#99% of pokémon's popular game ships are objectively wrong#why are you shipping Hilda with Rosa when her childhood best friend is right there?#Jasmine canonically regularly hangs out with and admires Erica#stop making kris and lyra related when their only similarity is their hair style make them make out instead#mad that pricefield is technically canon when max regularly swoons over kate#still never understood how Kim and Ron got together (they never would have let Kigo become canon at that point)#but also Kim was too good for Ron tbh and I thought he'd be cute with Monique#I will probably never like HarleyIvy because Ivy was always a dick to Harley in btas and hardly a better option for her than the joker#(at least I can enjoy HarleyJoker knowing it's a terrible and toxic ship without having that reconned in all future media#and pretending I have some sort of moral high ground)#but also JokerHarley fans are terrible and keep them away from me#I bet you if the joker was female yuris would eat that shit up#where is my AkaneRanma yuri I'm dying please#I just need akane to be bi for ranma give me bi akane merch#invisible talking moose#someone watch Jubei-chan with me so I can stop being thr only person alive to ship her with Freesia
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the leftism leaving people's bodies when someone is from the american south:
#prince.txt#i dont want to articulate my full thoughts bc it's. well i'm deeply sleep-deprived but the way the south is treated as a Monolith gets me.#every state is a monolith. every city is a monolith. every town is a monolith. we're all the same. there are no minorities in the south.#IT'S NOT AN EASILY DIGESTIBLE MONOLITH. IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE. THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE SOUTH WHO -AREN'T- A PART OF THIS IDEA#THAT PERMEATES THROUGH SO MUCH OF OUR CULTURE AND DISCUSSION.#The South is a multifaceted region with all sorts of people. there are so many minorities here. who are treated like shit by the system.#our politician's actions are the only things that speak for us in the eyes of some. because that's all they see when they look at the south#all they see is a place full of bigots. and not a place that's as alive as where they are.#fuck. this is not articulated too well. might delete but its been on my mind a lot because of helene.
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almost 4am can't stop thinking about the meaning of the idiom 'to have blood on [someone's] hands'—to be responsible for a person's death—combined with the fact that Zach is the one we are specifically shown with Daryl's actual blood on his hands (once for real and once in a dream)... Not Josh who had been holding the sword Daryl fell onto, but Zach who took the sword out.
#super dark times#+ part of it that's insane to me is: Josh COULD have easily ALSO gotten (literal) blood on his hands—we see him go to check for a pulse#after Zach did... but we don't see his hands during that—they're left out of the shot! we just see his face. and when we see his hands next#there's no visible blood on them (if any got on he theoretically wiped 'em off ig? similarly Zach's hands when seen AFTER the shot of him#touching Daryl ALSO don't rlly show blood anymore—we see his hands in the leaves tho so it prob went there) BUT SO there was a CHOICE made#to give us a close up shot of ZACH pulling his hand away from the wound with blood on it... but to NOT do the same/smthn similar with Josh.#and yet ZACH is the one who CAN'T ACCEPT THE ROLE HE PLAYED IN ANY OF ITTTTT!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!#this post brought to you by me rewatching the Zach + Charlie on the phone scene and needing to just. stop and scream at Zach being#like 'Josh‚ or fucking somebody else‚ they went up there and if they found Daryl alive—' LIKE BRO. YOU *KNOW* HE WAS DEAD.#YOU KNOW. YOU KNOOOOW. YOU WERE THERE. YOU KNOW HE WAS ALREADY DEAD. the denial. the trying to find any fucking way that#there could be even a sliver of a possibility that it WASN'T even PARTIALLY his fault.... shifting the blame entirely onto Josh...#[plus like. the 'somebody else' only added in after Charlie was giving him shit for trying to complicate this more—at first he was#straight up saying Josh was the one that fucked with the body]... aghghghsfd he makes me INSANE#also fwiw. i'm forever a 'Josh didn't harm anyone on purpose until AFTER his fight with Zach at Zach's house' truther. that provides#at least SOME sort of motivation to push him over an edge into... the shit that happens. anything before that just fuckin' doesn't make#sense. To Me. ive already written a lot on my thoughts about all of that though [uhhh in the tags of my gifset of the fight at Zach's house#anyways. im also NOT trying to say 'ah so we should Just Blame Zach' because nah nah this whole thing was a fucked up accident. they're all#to blame. plus Josh did horrible shit at the end On His Own there's no way of getting around that—but the messiness of how Zach handled the#initial incident and how that ripples out across the whole movie is simply soooooooo... ghghGHGhghGHGhghghgh. To Me.#in conclusion: im soooooooo normal about the characters in this movie (<- lying)
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I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think
#someone very recently acknowledged something that usually goes unseen and it wasn't even that great of an acknowledgement but ive just been#staring at the messages every once in a while. its great. not really i sort of feel like a real weirdo#im very lonely. i cant say why but let it be known that i am very lonely#ok i have a question to those who lie their eyes upon this post: tell me what you know about me please?#so much lies in my social perception and i am just. not being perceived. at all. darn#i have a lot to cry about but morally i dont think i should-- specifics would mean being mean to the people i love#talking to anyone anymore just makes me feel horrible. doing anything anymore makes me feel horrible..tmbg has my back though ill live for#another.week or a few. and then my birthday will happen and rhen um#.Well. it sucks that sucks man. i dont want to disclose my age but to elaborate on why ACTUALLY HOLD ON#the thing i am about to say is not true; it is a metaphorical thing: it is my 21st birthday soon.#i decided that i wouldnt live past this age around 5 years ago and the only reason ive lived five years is being killed this year. i dont#think every thing ive been desperately clinging on to for the past 2 (?) years can keep me alive past then..i think im going to die. i have#to#NO MORE BEING A DOWNER#fox (vulpes vulpes) on the Internet for the first time#okay maybe a little more..i dont know who im talking to in this post. my friends do not read my tumblr and. i dont know anyone else.really.#uh#I'm listen to tmbg right now i love them#hey reader; i can only think of 3 people who see enough about me to check my blog. so i have separate questions for the each of you.#one of you likes (liked? school came in and i couldnt see your blog much past then; idk if its changed) tmbg. what do you think of The Else?#and uh you there... the guyyy. Google john flansburgh..i dont have a reason to this one ive just not been able to stop thinking about askin#you what you think of him.#um third person..... um#okay theres nothing iecan ask. i do want to apologize to you though: im sorry.#iThis is bullshit#im gonna delete this soon#Um also sorry if my wording here is. really wack. i tend to do that#i dont think anyones going to see this as is always#i think i just like talking to the hypothetical beast. yeah
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i'm so angry and heartbroken and i think this is all i will ever be
#no it's not pms :( Jeremy is still missing and i haven't slept well waiting for him#it's getting so cold too#all my ''''progress'''' this year means nothing to me#also my sister is here because she didn't have to work yesterday and today and my brother video called her not knowing she was here#and when she picked up he was all cheerful and happy and it sounded like they video call often#(he texted me only a few times when he moved to the north and not a single time since he moved to Argentina)#and when he realized she was here he sort of got quiet and asked if i was around and she pointed the camera at me which always makes me sic#so i didn't look or wave and i didn't say anything and he said “she's got he headphones on” and my sister said no lol and it was awkward#then she told him we are all sad about Jeremy and said me in particular#i've been so sad and moody and angry#i can't do anything because of this anguish i feel#can't read or watch movies because i can't concentrate#i watched the emperor's new groove the other day to cheer up a little but it made sad#nostalgia doesn't work for me when i'm down like this because i see through it lol and i remember i spent my whole childhood scared#i remember i was certain something bad would happen to me (and it did but not as tragic as what i was scared of)#i'm rambling. i should be journaling instead#...#Keanu is with me now and i can't even look at him without tearing up because i start thinking about Jeremy#it's so cold and he's probably hungry. if he's even alive#the cats are all i have. i spend more time with them than with the only 2 humans i can interact with without throwing up (mom and sister)#you know how they say cats mirror twhe personality of their humans :( Jeremy is exactly like me. my mom and siblings used to joke about it#he hides when people come over to the house:( he pees himself when strangers touch him :(#we have the vet come over so we don't have to take him out of the house#and the vet is the only person he's forced to see. he pees himself when she touches him too#i can't stop thinking about how he's doing if he's still alive because he gets scared so easily and he's so anxious#i'm so angry because i should go outside and look for him but i can't even picture myself out of this house#i feel so betrayed too. because one thing is my stupid sick head thinking there's no amount of therapy or meds that could work for me#but why is my family listening to me when i say these things. why don't they get me lobotomized or something#maybe it is a bit of pms#📓
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Decided just now that it'd be really funny to have a whole bunch of different d&d characters who are all like former knights of the same order or crestfallen sellswords from the same mercenary company but also have all of them individually believing for their own reasons that they are the last surviving member of their group
#like they all think the others died horribly but all of them are alive and well just like not living near each other#like one of them saved up bought a spelljammer and set off to the astral sea#and she kept in contact via sending stones but during a pirate attack she dropped her stone overboard and is presumed dead#since that was her only method of communication with the material plane or something#One guy headed off to an ancient mystic mountain to hone their skills and everyone's just like ''Yeah NOBODY survives that mountain''#one guy who's like immortal and doesn't need to eat is just keeping an eternal vigil over some dead necromancer#making ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN he doesn't get back up#other member was injured presumed dead but nursed back to health by a nearby friendly peasant family#sort of thing#one dude just actually straight-up retired and just ghosted the group because he thought it'd be awkward#the warden of the keep heard the rumors they all spread and was just like ''Damn.. everybody's dead...'' and just locked the doors forever#which resulted in more gossip saying their order and/or company has fallen for good that all the others hear about#so they're all individually like ''Damn. looks like I'm the last knight and/or mercenary of the fallen order'' when they absolutely are not#I think it could be a funny concept to play with#Pun's text Posts
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!
#i love driving *so* much. like i was made to move i think. i was made to Go#i could do it for hours. days. just keep going and going. coasting. racing. cruising#i learned to drive stick today. and i drove down a highway that was pretty empty. and it wound through hills. groves of trees#tall grasses. i passed a winery and a small town or two with populations of only a couple hundred. large fields and farms#cows and horses. a rodeo fairground#it was beautiful. and no one was around. and i just drove and it's my favorite thing ever i think#god. it's like swimming in a moment. does that make sense? it's like i have nothing to worry about#and i love driving as the sun sets. i also love driving in the city at night when everyone is moving and living and doing all sorts of stuff#i love the lights and the smell of cold concrete. i also love the sun on my skin and wind through my hair and the smell of nature#and i love passing through it all. things slow down and speed up at the same time. i think i love it for the same reasons i love liminality#because that's also sorta what it's like#ugh#i hope someday part of my soul gets to fly a rickety old spaceship through the stars#there's an itch there that needs to be scratched. it won't happen in my lifetime but. maybe sometime later#anyways. i'm so glad i'm alive#sometimes i remember when i couldn't imagine myself older than 16/17#and i think about all my favorite things i've experienced. and everything i want to do. and i hold it so tightly#i'm just glad i'm here#sap says
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i am so tired of being out of shape but i have no idea how to fix this. someone should invent exercise that doesn't make me want to shoot myself in the head.
#i can only exercise when the exercise is secondary to some kind of activity with visible progress that makes sense to my brain.#i don't mind boring tasks! i can do boring tasks as long as they are visibly ACCOMPLISHING something!#if it feels like running on a hamster wheel i will simply stop doing it and there is no way to force myself to continue long-term.#i can soldier on for a little while but it just makes me exhausted and burnt-out and so so depressed.#i have tried habit-tracker apps i have tried habitica they do not work!!!#the activity ITSELF needs to be reinforcing. checking a box on an app after the fact is not it.#i need to be like...sorting a huge field full of heavy scrap metal into organized piles. or something.#i want to do hard physical work that has obvious physical results in the world around me.#lifting heavy things repeatedly for no reason = psychological torture to me. i feel like i'm in a lab experiment.#lifting heavy things repeatedly in order to accomplish some kind of overall task = rewarding and fulfilling. i feel alive and connected#to my body.#i am currently the skinniest and also the weakest i have ever been and i am having a bad time.
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