#So ''what way of thinking about myself is most useful to me'' is the real question.
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God, I’m just so mad and upset and I need to rant for a minute:
I live in Wisconsin, where the last several years winters here have been scarily mild. It’s not uncommon for us to have a mild winter every few years or so, but we’ve been having milder and milder winters for the past several years in a row. Winters here are supposed to be long and snowy. It’s supposed to start snowing in November, sometimes October, and the snow doesn’t melt all the way till April, sometimes early May.
Last year, I felt like we barely even had a winter. There was snow on the ground for maybe two months total, it kept melting and then coming back, which isn’t supposed to happen. The snow will maybe melt after the first couple times, but once you get to December, it’s supposed to stay on the ground until Spring.
Same thing is happening this year. It’ll snow for like two days, stick for maybe one day, and melt. It’ll stay that way for a couple of weeks. It’s January now. The fact that there’s no snow on the ground, in fucking Wisconsin, is alarming. The fact that this has been happening several years in a row now is alarming. I’m seeing it happen right in front of me. We’re all seeing the effects of climate change now, and we’re seeing how it’s directly destroying and harming the planet. We can see it with our own eyes.
I’m thinking about the fires in LA right now. I saw someone talk about how they were alarmed they were getting these kinds of winds in January. (I’m not familiar with LA climate but this person talked about how abnormal it is).
Everything the scientists have been saying about climate change is coming true. It’s happening right in front of us, for the whole world to see. And still, the people responsible, the right-wing politicians and businesspeople that profit off of this just deny deny deny. How can you deny what’s happening right in front of everyone? They are destroying our planet, and they still think they can deny it happening. It just makes me so angry. That a handful of people have the power to destroy our planet and refuse to even acknowledge it. They act like the words “climate change” is liberal propaganda. As if it’s not something we can see happening right before our eyes. They pretend it’s political, they pretend it’s a conspiracy, because they have no other way to justify being against protecting the planet.
One thing that angers me most is that the only thing people seem to do about this is complain on social media. (I know, that’s exactly what I’m doing, but hear me out). LA is burning to the ground because of climate change, and what’s anybody going to do about it? Make a post on Twitter? Maybe write an article about it?
That doesn’t change anything. We need change. We need direct action. It’s only going to get worse if we keep letting companies and governments continue as they are. They cannot continue as they are.
If you haven’t heard of the book How to Blow Up a Pipeline, go look it up. The author talks about a lot of the stuff I want to get at here, but he puts it a lot better.
My hope is that these LA fires will start a movement for stopping climate change. Not just a general shift of opinion like we’ve seen the past few years, but a real movement where people show up in person to do something. We exist in a time where Luigi Mangione is seen as a hero for his actions, I hope people will get inspired to take more direct action in regards to climate change. (That doesn’t mean shooting more people, I’m not advocating for murder, but we need to start taking action beyond just complaining on social media).
I’m going to start researching resources to help myself and others to get more involved with preventing climate change. I hope one day, we’ll have an actual winter in Wisconsin again. To everyone in LA, please please stay safe❤️
#long post#climate change#global warming#la fires#los angeles#los angeles fire#la#california#Luigi Mangione#activism#social justice#direct action#how to blow up a pipeline#sorry for the long rant#I just got this feeling of anger and terror while looking at footage of the fires#this wasn’t supposed to happen#this is the result of manufacturers fossil fuels#corporations that will destroy the whole world if it made them an extra dollar#it’s sickening#deny defend depose#delay deny depose#social activism#United States#environment#Wisconsin#winter#january
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“it’s a wonder how they do it, right? i mean, they don’t even speak our language and somehow they just know if you’re a good or bad person, and what your intentions are. do you think they can read it off of our body language? or what’s happening in their heads?” thinking out loud, pale blue eyes fixated on the back of her head as his hand continues to travel across her back. over her shoulder, along the bumps at the nape of her neck, inching closer and closer to her other arm. olive skin covered in suds. “mhm,” he hums softly, praying she doesn’t turn around. he doesn’t want her to see him blushing like a schoolboy. “when i first walked in here, i thought that you’d ran away, but then i saw reva blue and began to wonder why you’d ever want to leave her behind… and started to question my own sanity, asked myself if you were real or a figment of my imagination,” he admits, chuckling sheepishly because it’s embarrassing to a certain degree. “i will never cause you any harm, lucy gray. i just need you to know that, okay?” even if she won’t instantly put all her trust in him. “and if ever want to go your separate way, i won’t go after you unless you want me to.” he’s not his brother. “and your favorite dessert is blueberry pie.” noted, he remembers. but he still leaves enough room for her to correct him if he’s wrong. “but not all desserts make you happy? that doesn’t make sense,” he playfully argues, just trying to provoke her to convince him otherwise. “horses.” what an easy question, he thinks. “i love and respect all animals.” even the squirrel that became their dinner as hard to believe as it may be. “birds and dogs and cats and cows and butterflies, but horses are just so special. my mother’s friend, back at the capitol, had stables bigger than whole neighborhoods in district twelve. plenty of stunning thoroughbreds. most of them had probably been imported from district eleven or something. anyway, there was this one chestnut mare that i really admired, could watch her for hours. she could run so fast…” eyes alight at the memory, but then he realizes that he’s been rambling for a long time and must be boring her to death. “sorry, got a little carried away. um, what’s yours?” he inquires, meaning her favorite animal. too bad there are no horses in district thirteen. it’s been so long since the last time he was near one… “thanks for trustin’ me enough.” to show him the wound on her leg. thank god he had that jar of iodine with him. “and how will that be your fault? don’t blame yourself for things that happened because other people put you in a certain position. what were you supposed to do? grab a brush on your way out? you had more important matters to worry about. it’s really not your fault, lucy gray. it’s not like you’re a slob by nature and let this happen out of laziness. you’ve been through a lot. it’s only natural,” he softly corrects, reaching around her petite frame and handing her the soapy washcloth so that she can scrub her legs and torso. calloused fingertips sinking beneath the surface, getting wet before gathering her long hair with nothing but affection. “we won’t be cuttin’ it to your ears. if we can’t get all the tangles out, we’ll braid it and… well, maybe my mother,” the one who’s most likely sick with worry back in thirteen, “will find a way to help us.” but right now, he’ll focus on combing through these pretty locks with his fingers, careful not to pull too hard.
“i think they can definitely tell, who’s a good person and who’s tryin’ to bring harm. animal’s are intuitive like that.” lucy gray reassures, smiling softly as her arm stays around her bent knees, her free arm tracing circles in the water. “oh…yeah?” brow lifting, looking over her shoulder at him before eyes glance back towards the water. shying up momentarily again. “of course not.” leave him as a single parent. a twitch of amusement pulling at her lips before softening at the thought, thinking how she can’t run. but even it she could, would she? not… exactly. not when she doesn’t have a gnawing fear in her chest yet towards him. just like the animals they speak of… if she doesn’t have a reason or sense a reason, she won’t leave. just like deer and birds, she too has those same instincts. “sort of. i mean, i can choose a favorite dessert. i can choose a favorite month. but i can’t choose a favorite color, animal or flower. all flowers, colors and animals make me happy. hard to choose just one.” a soft laugh emits, gently shrugging her thin shoulders. “what’s your favorite animal?” questioning before hearing the awful story of the man he knew and before too long her face is contorting into disgust and stomach churning, vomit reflexes on the rise when he starts saying thing about smells. “lord, then, i sure am lucky you found me in time. i might’ve suffered the same thing. that’s sickenin’, bless his poor soul havin’ to suffer all through that.” feeling sympathy and disgust, quickly trying to think of something else. she definitely doesn’t want to suffer like that and scared up to keep watching her wounds. “i hope not, i really like my hair. but then again… that’ll be my fault, maybe i’ll learn.” scolding herself— to at least brush her fingers through it and keep it from getting so matted. “it’d be devastatin’ cutting it off to my ears.” that gives her the notion to quickly start trying with her fingers to start pulling some knots out, feeling a little panicky on needing the answer if she’ll get to spare it or not. the rubs on her back feel so pleasant, too. the most soothing feeling she’s felt in awhile but she can’t exactly relax with her hair on the line.
#billysgirllol#PLS SAME NEVER GETTING OVER THIS LOL jksndfs fckin idiot BILLSY DONT BE SO HARSH ON YOURSELF BABY DOLL#also pls falling in love in less than five minutes runs in the family lol#i dont know if they have horses in the capitol but i assume they can have anything they want so if some rich guy wants to play rancher he#could?? they later on have chariots for the tribute parade with horse chariots right? so snjkdsg LETS PRETEND
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Hello! I'm someone with autism (and I'm suspecting ADHD too) who's planning multiple projects. Do you have any advice when it comes to overthinking a lot about decisions on a project? Be it the first step, planning, questioning if you're moving too fast, etc?
ouuuu I think the biggest thing I struggle with personally is just like... the overbearing weight of expectation that isn't necessarily even there. Like, expectation to do everything right all the time, to never make mistakes, to never fall through on promises, to never break any 'rules' (real or imaginary) and most of all, for everything I do to matter in some big, recognizable, memorable way - but the steps to that goal aren't defined, I just know what the goal looks like, with no clear path as to how to get there, and so it often results in me aiming at my own "best guess" and then beating myself up for not hitting the target LOL which is completely unfair to myself and my own work!
What I try to regularly remind myself of is that I am one person, who is only capable of what one person should reasonably be able to accomplish on their own, no matter how much my auDHD tries to convince me otherwise that I "should" be able to handle more than what's reasonable. And in that same sense, there isn't any more pressure on me to put out something perfect than there would be on any other person. I am not Atlas carrying the fate of the greatest work known to mankind on my shoulders - I'm a chronically online dweeb making stuff that's interesting to themselves and sharing it in the hopes that even just one other person will like it too. That isn't a diss on myself, that's me embracing what I am so that I can keep doing it better and more confidently each time.
Though I don't know if this exactly applies to you, I'm gonna say it just in case: I know when it comes to balancing multiple projects, it can be hard not to go "oh well I SHOULD be working on xyz!" but at the end of the day, you're not a failure for preferring to work on something else or needing space from projects that used to thrill you and have now become monotonous. In fact, it turns out that's how it is for most neurotypical people too! I know they make a lot of shit look easy, but even they have shit they loathe doing - they just don't have to deal with the unique hurdles of being neurodivergent.
Always remember to set boundaries with yourself and your work. Remember, just because you're really excited to work on something, doesn't mean you have to work on it all the time. I've learned to appreciate those moments when I'm stuck doing my day job and I'm excited to get home and work on my passion project, because it means I can actually look forward to it and it'll feel all the more rewarding when I finally get to do it! Pushing yourself too hard to fulfill that excitement all at once right off the bat often just means you're gonna spend it all way too quick, and that won't feel good because then you'll be left wondering where all the love went.
Set little goals for yourself. Stuff that's manageable and achievable within a reasonable amount of time. I know we tend to dive into thinking huge right off the bat, because that's what's exciting to us, but when it comes time to actually do the work, those smaller goals can keep us moving forward far better than the big, far off, ambiguous goal hiding somewhere off in the horizon. While it's good to plan ahead, not setting smaller milestones for yourself can burn you out faster because it's really hard to work towards an "end goal" that might be too far away for us to even conceptualize. The small goals allow us to reward ourselves along the way, and they do ultimately still build up to the bigger picture in the end, even if it feels like we're "not doing much". It can be anything like "get to this chapter that I can finish in the next few weeks" or "fully write out this scene that's been living in my head rent-free".
As for the overthinking... yeah, I wish I had some magic solution to that, but it's really just about learning what you enjoy doing vs. what you don't, so that you can have confidence in knowing when your creative decisions suit the project you're working on. This is something that gets better with practice and experience, but I feel like it's better tackled by reminding yourself that any project, no matter the outcome of how popular it gets or whether or not it "takes off", is an opportunity to learn and grow. Treat every project as a learning experience and you'll hopefully find the process itself more enjoyable, which will subsequently buff up your confidence. It's all a process of honing in on what works for you, what you excel at, and what you enjoy doing; while learning what doesn't work for you, what you could improve at, and what you don't enjoy doing.
Finding a writing buddy or someone who's willing to read your work and give you feedback is super helpful for this, too, because sometimes it takes another perspective to help us navigate the fog of indecision and find a solution.
And again, remember - you are one person, and you are under no obligation for any of your projects to be some perfect, infallible holy grail. You will write stuff that you will inevitably look back on with disgust and cringe. You will create projects that you will eventually outgrow or move on from. That does not invalidate the time and effort you put into those projects - it's proof of experience and growth. Embrace the growing pains, find peace in the process in whatever way you can.
It's not a question of right or wrong - it's asking yourself what feels true to you and your voice, and finding out along the way.
#writing advice#ask me anything#anon ask me anything#anon ama#ama#and that is my bag of cents!#idk how helpful this is but i hope a little bit of it resonates with you!#it's definitely hard esp when it comes to the imposter syndrome and self-doubt#but the biggest thing is just being patient and kind with yourself#you're allowed to write stuff that isn't perfect! most stuff isn't perfect! even the stuff that we really enjoy!#and you're allowed to take your time and create things at your own pace#there's no divine punishment waiting to strike you down if you don't accomplish everything right this second#just take it one day at a time and find your joy in the process of creating your art <3
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[image description: a pile of chocolate chip cookies on a counter in front of a plastic bag with more of the same cookies]
I saw that Colton died last week, and almost immediately couldn't process it. Closed the tab and walked away. I didn't think I deserved to be sad about someone who I had never met in real life. But today I looked through @penroseparticle-memorial and was so fucking moved. So here it is:
I met @penroseparticle, like many of us, through Glee. It feels strange to say I met him, when I never met him in person. But I did meet him. I did know him. Just because it happened online doesn't mean it didn't happen. I met him when I was 17. I'm 31 now. I knew him for 14 years. That's almost half my life. Even after Glee ended and we stopped screaming together every week about the Everything that was that show, I always enjoyed seeing him on my dash. He was like a neighbor that I'd nod at sometimes, or enjoy a chuckle as he told me a funny story by the mailbox. Hell, even my fiancé knew him just based on how many of Colton's posts I would show him.
I never got to meet him in person so I don't have any pictures of him. But what I do have is a pictures of the chocolate chip cookies that he and @into-the-weeds politicked their way into getting through my follower give away. Never Forget Cookiegate. For literal years after that, every time I made cookies I thought about you guys and would laugh to myself. You guys waged a campaign that could have overthrown countries for those cookies. I remember you had people voting for you from across the world! You gathered so many people together, all for the sake of cookies and most importantly, in dedication to the bit.
I feel like that really sums you up. Bringing people together with food and laughter. I wish I had sent you more cookies. I wish I could have given them to you in person
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I may have mentioned this phrase before, but I was introduced to "would anyone be swayed by further discussion" in college to put an end to debates where people simply would not agree and (in that case) to just put it to a vote or make the decision that was being discussed. The thing is, on the internet there's not the same impetus to wrap it up already because we're doing this all asynchronously and aren't actually people who need to work together in the first place, and so two differing opinions can endlessly sling mud without real consequence, and I think the discourse has reached the point of "you're stupid" "no you're stupid", and to be clear, I have participated heavily.
I don't actually mind if the discourse remains that way, for reasons that will become apparent in the course of this post, but here's what I propose: this isn't the kind of discussion that vagueing forever can solve. It requires actual back and forth with opportunities for requests for more information (eg: if I'm not understanding the themes of this campaign, what are they, in your own words, and how are they being demonstrated throughout the course of the campaign) and a cessation of ad hominems and at least the appearance of an assumption of good faith on both sides.
Here is the other thing, though: it is my hypothesis that most people posting about why they don't like Campaign 3 are in earnest: they don't like Campaign 3, they are articulating why (perhaps imperfectly! perhaps even incorrectly, in your eyes), and that's that. I think the people complaining about those people, ultimately, are mad that their personal preferences aren't shared by all. Or, to descend back into the mud for a moment: I think when I call you an idiot it hurts your feelings, and when you call me an idiot I say "Likely thing for an idiot to do." I think if the discourse continues, anyone who dislikes Campaign 3 will keep posting and say "wow it's a little annoying that people keep complaining about me expressing my opinion but them's the breaks, I know what I'm about" and the people complaining about those posts are simply going to feel worse and worse, no matter how much they yell about the other side's stupidity, because what they really want is agreement and validation. In other words, there's a pretty clear advantage, because one side doesn't rely on the good opinion or really any actions of the other. Or in the words of what I consider to be a far superior campaign, you need me more than I need you.
So with that in mind. If you'd like to make a good faith attempt to convince me of Campaign 3's excellence (and I can only speak for myself but if anyone else wants to do this, be my guest), my inbox is open [note: if you're doing this, you'll need to be off anon as I'm not carrying on a discussion via 20 annoying asks that clog everyone's dash - we're using replies], you can @ me, and if you are blocked and you're someone who does not have a specific history of direct harassment of which I'm aware, have a friend message me and I'll unblock you for the duration of this discussion. Ad hominems in the course of this specific discussion constitutes an immediate failure on behalf of the person saying them. The focus is on the text of Campaign 3; bringing in external circumstances as supporting information is valid if relevant but I hope it's obvious that "WELL IT'S THEIR CAMPAIGN AND IT'S ENTITLED TO CRITICIZE A THING THEY KNOWINGLY PUT ON THE INTERNET" is an automatic forfeiture as well due to the utter lack of argument and the fact that I cannot be swayed of the belief that little is above criticism and even less above judgement. Otherwise, I'll leave your posts and inbox alone while saying whatever the hell I want and you can deal with that accordingly. You want to make this an actual discussion of literary criticism in which you need to structure arguments and provide evidence instead of yelling "but I like it and I think it's brilliant so you have to agree with me or you're a mean anti-intellectual [broadly despised group]"? Sure. I can do that. I think most people who agree with me can also do that and would love to.
(this is nonrebloggable because I don't think it needs to spread, but feel free to link it. Also, I hope it's obvious: yes I'm aware I sound like an anime villain; it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make to either elevate the discussion to the point where something can get done; or call your bluff and keep doing what I was doing)
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Origins is of course the DA game most closely in conversation with and playing around with Tolkien (right down to the walking talking poetree haha) -- and even more so than most works in the larger western fantasy tradition derived from Tolkien's work that DA:O also hails from and owes a lot of its Stuff to, what makes the game so great to me is that it's doing so very deliberately, and is subverting and deconstructing those tropes and entrenched ideas in some very interesting ways without at all denigrating what it's commenting on. (it doesn't have the almost disdainful undertones of the vein of fantasy that seeks to make the world more 'realistic' ala the more tedious reactions to G.R.R.Martin's work, for example, despite having the darker fantasy bent to it.) among other elements it adopts, what I find the most fascinating is the choice to use the same literary device/conceit Tolkien did in ostensibly only having in-universe biased sources and works to deliver the world through (which I feel is an underappreciated thing about his approach but is part of what makes his world so enduringly compelling and real-feeling -- the feeling of real scholarship devoted/applied to a made-up world. the grounding effect of a good diegetic footnote about source criticism, truly).
many things to be said there, and I'm glad each following game has taken on different perspectives and lenses and traditions to view the world of Thedas through because if you stick with that one too closely for too long I fear we could teeter precariously close to Pratchett's famous and bitingly accurate accusation of most modern fantasy of that era just being about rearranging the furniture in Tolkien's attic lol. and while you could accuse DA2 (my perfect wife who has never done anything wrong in her life to be clear) of many things, that's not one of them, they are pulling on some completely different strings for that one and both the game and DA overall is better for it, to my mind. as so many things in this series: worth staying with and exploring for an installment even if it might get stale if all of it was like this! people are understandably sad about the elements from previous games that they liked which were lost along the way, but that capacity for reinvention is to my mind a huge strength of dragon age as a whole.
(I think Veilguard is coming in as a close second in Tolkien conversation-ness if only in outlining/revealing the worldbuilding that indeed may have been planned since DA:O around the animosity that SHOULD by all rights exist between dwarves and elves in this universe (as per Tolkienesque tradition standards). but doesn't really because you see: politics and the many pitfalls of conservation of knowledge over the ages. our ancestral enmity got semi-intentionally lost between the floorboards of history and you know what. maybe for the best. the humans are already up to so much shit you gotta keep your eyes on them at all times you can't be brawling with each other in the deep roads while they're still around getting up to their nonsense or they'll just pile up even more of it)
#dragon age#dragon age origins#been thinking about the unreliable narration/in-universe texts only element being the thing da:o took from tolkien that's most defining#for a LONG time and I want to write something smart about it sometime but alas. this is what I've got right now haha#I think *some* da:o nostalgia is about that familiar safe childhood feeling of Fantasy World in a pattern that was so deeply entrenched#for many many MANY years. it's been in the groundwater of the genre for so long it's only fairly recently the patterns were broken#on like a mainstream sort of scale. I know I'm getting older b/c I keep going 'how do I explain to some of these people#that the world (both the real one the fictional one and the gaming one) was a very different place back in 2009' lol#and I agree there's something so tremendously comforting about it even with all the grimdark elements more in the martin vein#that's also in da:o. the same way you get satisfaction out of the structural familiarity of fairy tale logic but for a whole genre#da:o follows the Rules of a fantasy world in post-tolkien tradition -- even when it's subverting them it's doing so in reference#to a set of tropes and ideas both you and the game are deeply familiar and comfortable with#(da:o IS also just a really fucking good game I'm NOT saying people's love for it comes from being blinded by nostalgia haha#just an observation of a thing I've recognized in myself as well. there are elves there are dwarves there are talking trees and dragons#and basically orcs. all is as it should be and everything makes sense <- the part of me that grew up on lotr and derived works lol)#and while the other games also have all these elements they don't USE them in the same way and it doesn't feel the same. it's so interestin#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#only in the vaguest way but still#you know what veilguard occasionally feels more like actually. sci-fi! and it's not an accusation or a bad thing for me I think it's great#da:i veers more to high fantasy and da2 feels weirdly low-fantasy -- it's a story where magic also happens to exist but I almost forget lol#it's a magical world and magic is integral to the plot but thematically it's so much about real-feeling political conflict#da:o is a Quest in da2 you're new in town (and it gets worse)
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It's been a year since I redrew that one Snorkmimi render...
So yeah I did it again ofc I would, why oh why wouldn't I? Tee hee silly meee
Attaching the 2023 redraw and og cause- uh- I donno, because yes, why not!!!
#This also means updated banner HECK YEAH 🔥🔥🔥#These redraws of mine are so different style-wise it's funny lmao#shoutout to Snorkmaiden one of my fav characters ever she's so perfect in every way my little baby#oh and update : since last year I still have NOT tasted “Snorkmaiden's dreamy chocolate” moomin coffee maybe one day I will or I'll do the#smart thing of making choco coffee myself without buying the maybe overpriced thing that just happens to have Snorkmay on it (I don't even#like sweet coffee 😭) buuut... you know... I could always just get it once and keep the package as a treasure! Cause I'm a hoarder. It might#or might not be a problem but I don't have time to think about that and work on it I have 100 possible uses for this old straw what if I#reeeaaallly need an old straw one day and I DON'T have it because I threw it away? Yeah! END OF THE WORLD!!!#Tbh hate to admit it but Snufkin's hazelnut coffee sounds the most inviting from all of the moomin flavoured choices to me I LOVE hazelnuts#I don't even know what licorice tastes like and I am NOT eating anything that is advertised with Stinky on the cover (jk Stinky's great)#I'm already sick of everything salted caramel flavoured it's just sugar n' salt with a different ribbon and blueberry... I'll pass. And like#I said before - I'm not a fan of sweet coffee. Sorry Snorkmaiden :[#okay enough of it no one reads allat time for real tags#snorkmaiden#snorkfröken#niiskuneiti#moomin#moomins#moomin books#Snork mimimimimimi Snork mimimimimimi
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Hi! I am an ardent fan of your writing, and I hope to be as sorted and planned as you some day in my own writing journey.
My question is: you have a keen eye when it comes to planning character personality, dynamics, and such. I've also been wading through your ask replies, and your insights into how you write people and how you make them play off of each other is so wonderful to read. If it's not too personal a q, how did you learn how to write like this? Did you go to school for writing, does it come from years of observing people, do you have reading list recs for "how to write real people and real interactions"?
Thanks! This is a really flattering question. I'll try to answer it honestly, because I wish someone had been brutally honest about this with me when I was a young writer.
I didn't go to school for writing. I started doing it when I was about nine years old. It sucked very badly. I kept writing throughout high school, and it still mostly sucked, but some of it was occasionally interesting. ("Interesting" here does not mean "good," by the way.) I took a break in college, and then came back. I've been writing ever since. Sometimes, I feel good about it. A lot of the time, I don't!
I hate giving this advice, because I remember how it feels to get it, and it's the most uninspiring, boring-ass, dog shit advice you can get, but it's also the only advice that is 100% unequivocally true: you have to write, and specifically, you have to write things that suck.
I do not mean that you should make things that suck on purpose. I mean that you have to sit down and try your absolute hardest to make something good. You have to put in the hours, the elbow grease, the blood, sweat, and tears, and then you have to read it over and accept that it just totally sucks. There is no way around this, and you should be wary of people who tell you there is. There is no trick, no rule, no book you can buy or article you can read, that will make your writing not suck. The best someone else can do is tell you what good writing looks like, and chances are, you knew that anyway — after all, you love to read. You wouldn't be trying to do this if you didn't. And anyone who says they can teach you to write so good it doesn't suck at first is either lying to you, or they have forgotten how they learned to write in the first place.
So the trick is to sit there in the miserable doldrums of Suck, write a ton, and learn to like it. Because this is the phase of your path as an artist when you find what it is you love about writing, and it cannot be the chance to make "good writing." This will be the thing that bears you through and compels you to keep going when your writing is shit, i.e., the very thing that makes you a writer in the first place. So find that, and you've got a good start.
Some people know this, but assume that perseverance as a writer is about trying to get to the point where you don't suck anymore. This is not true, and it is an actively dangerous lie to tell young writers. You are not aiming to feel like your writing doesn't suck. You are aiming to write. You are aiming to have written. Everything else is dust and rust. And of course, you'll find things you like about your pieces, you'll find things you're proud of, you'll learn to love the things you've made. But that little itch of self-criticism, in the back of your brain — the one that cringes when you read a clunky line, or thinks of a better character beat right after it's far too late to change — that's never going away. That's the Writer part of you. Read Kafka, read Dickens, read Tolstoy, you will find diary entries where they lament how absolutely fucking atrocious their writing was, and how angry they are that they can't do better. A good writer hates their sentences because they can always imagine better ones. And the ability to imagine a better sentence is what's going to make you pick up the pen again tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that.
Which is what I mean, and probably what all those other annoying, preachy advice-givers mean, when we say: a good writer is just someone who writes every day. It's that easy, and that hard.
#by the way a lot of this draws on ideas inspired by 'letters to a young poet' by rainer maria rilke if you're interested#that's a formative text for me as an artist#it won't teach you how to write but it will teach you how to think perhaps#and once you know how to think. well. life is just pretty good#and i can't say the writing gets easier but when life is pretty good i find myself enjoying it a lot more#this word vomit was prompted by the question 'how do you write real people and real interactions'#because that's like — i'm not trying to be pedantic but—#that's kind of just 'how do you write literature'?#because that's all literature is. what are human beings? how do you write a person? how do they interact with each other?#like shoutout to the void if you know for sure how to write real interactions then please for the love of god tell the rest of us#because i think most of all authors in history have just been giving it our best stab#'this is how the world looks for me. is it how the world looks for you?'#so my advice on that score is: try to see how the world looks for you#and then try to share it with me#don't worry about whether it looks the same for me. it won't
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i’m pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions that’s pretty impressive
ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is
#snap chats#i dont even check twitter specifically for rgg its just that my algorithms been formed that way cause friends send me tweets#on the real though jvALEKJEKL ive always. how you say. played with dolls alone#so being alone online isnt hard or anything particularly 'impressive' to me its just how i roll#ive always lived in my head i guess- with my interests that is. its fun up there vlkeajkla#i still like to hear from other people of course but for the most part im happy with just myself im not all that pressed for others#i think its also just. i have. other interests? so i dont really think i want to look at One Particular Thing that day. at least for tumblr#i MIGHT just cause thats how the day goes but i dont think 'i feel like looking at rgg art today'#whatever i see I See and that'll be that yk i love a lot of things and think of a lot of things#evidently SOME things take a hold of me more than others- or ill wanna be more public bout it at least#but thats jsut cause i just feel SO MUCH for Whatever Thing It Is At The Time that i want to share it. so then i do jvlskjs#with that in mind can i really say im 'in' a fandom when i dont particularly interact with it LMAO#again always happy to do so but im like an estranged uncle if anything#come over once a year to drop gifts off then i leave. ill still respond to holiday cards though if theyre sent#also for discussions ill usually just talk to my brother about it since he'll usually be The Main Sponge for my rambling LOLOL#god's strongest soldier i promise i try to hold back but im afraid i feel my brain physically tickle my skull#my brother always has to watch in real time me be consumed by a piece of media. like its a symbiote its really funny#cause at this point we'll meet in the kitchen and ill start like 'you know whats really funny..'#and he'll just. 'ok so who's it about today' LIKE PLEAAAASSSEEE. anyways prepare for my ninth 90 minute lecture about This Character#i also have a friend that i talk about my interests with- not all the time but enough that im like. Yeah Im Good Talkin Bout This#like the dopamine in my brain is activated JUST enough when i get to have quick short convos bout it with her#honestly maybe i should use my blacklisted main and rb ALL of my sideblog posts there#just so the people following that can Also witness me be consumed in real time <- will not do this
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hmm thinking about the idea of love songs. i think the idea of what a love song is that we have in our culture is inherently a little bit flawed because we have the idea that any song written about romantic feelings is a love song and im thinking thats not exactly true because there is a difference between "romance" and "love". what i'm saying is not that love is a broader category and applies to things that are not romantic in nature. this is in fact true, but it's not what makes the important distinction here. the true distinction between "romance" and "love" is that romance is a societally defined type of interest in another person, whereas love is, essentially, a promise that you make when you build a relationship.
as such, what i call "love" here might be better defined as "care", as that implies more time and effort, but that's a different suitcase to unpack and largely unimportant to my point here, which is more about the societal conventions of what we call love songs. the point is, relationships can be built with other people, yes, but also animals, places, organizations, ideas, so on and so on, whereas romance requires another person, hence the difference between the ideas of "romance" and "love".
with that in mind, there are two types of songs we in western, english speaking, society call "love songs":
1) songs that are about a person's romantic interest in someone that is either definitively known to be unrequited (existing monogamous relationship, sexuality that doesn't align, etc) or simply not requited (aka romantic interest being unknown); and
2) songs about an existing relationship (keeping in mind my points about relationships not just being with people, but also places, things, etcetera) as is.
(some examples of the latter category: mountaintop by relient k, which defines the relationship in question as non-romantic; or i miss my mum by cavetown, which is - as the title implies - a song about the singer missing their mother.)
now, the thing that makes distinguishing these two difficult is the fact that songs about an existing relationship CAN be about wanting certain aspects of that relationship to change. in these cases, determining that a song is one or the other will hinge either on a) authorial intent or b) whether the song is more about what the singer wants (thereby implying #1) or the lack thereof in that relationship (which would imply #2).
to get back to the subject at hand: the term "love song", as we think of it, is an umbrella term that include both of these two categories, and i think that perhaps it is reductive to do so. with that in mind, i think perhaps it would be more appropriate for "love song" to mean only the latter, whereas the former is a category of its own. WHICH is not to say that the two can't overlap — just that if a song is about a person with whom the singer has no relationship, it cannot be considered a love song due to the fact that it is a song about infatuation, not love.
(another interesting wrinkle this provides is the fact that a song might start out in the first category and, as the writer develops a relationship with a person, might move into the second category as they write more.)
#anyway. just some of my thoughts on this as an aromantic songwriter#ari opinion hour#this goes a good deal to reconcile my constant writing of love songs with the fact that none of them are romantic#which im fine with as long as im keeping them to myself but it DOES feel dishonest when i hide that theyre love songs.#however this did also go some way to convince me that maybe care songs is an alternative that i SHOULD use because it is more applicable to#me than the concept of love which MOST people do not have the same perspective on as i do and having different definitions of the same word#is an important barrier to consider in communication#i will admit i do think im clinging to my care songs being love songs due to my relationship with an organization to which love is very#important as i dont want to go back on my promises to that organization as it IS very important to me#anyway. can you tell ive been reading house of leaves by the fact that this appeared fully fledged in my head in fully academic language#but for real like thinking about it now and even my old love songs like most would probably think to see them that they would go in the#first category and they just. DO NOT. at least not the ones that were written after i was like Yeah im aro again#its interesting the ones i wrote in the brief period where i thought i WASNT aro in like mid hs those i WOULD put in the first category#even though like i do NOT think i was right about it being romantic#but the ones after i was like Yea im aro again are like. Thats definitely the latter#part of it is i did find a voice that was like genuinely Mine and wasnt just writing sort of generic love songs#love songs in the typical usage i mean so they were really more infatuation songs#but like i was still with the last person irl who i wrote these about divorced from like... my aroness because of how much i liked him#and i would still put those in the second category#so part of it is awareness as well#so. yeah. its interesting#i probably should just suck it up and start calling them care songs. even if people dont know what i mean to say that
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a large amount of time I've been spending on -untitled undefined scope original fiction project- since the last time I posted about it has been trying to develop the protagonist concept I came up with last summer or whatever into like, a character that would feel real and era appropriate.
it's fun research to do. naturally a lot of the details I assigned to her are things that I already think are cool, so it's been a lot of fun trying to trace her traits back through the relatively recent past, getting reminded of how much things have changed, or where the gaps in my intuition are, and then doing a flurry of reading to get a sense for exactly how someone like her and the people around her could have happened and what her life was probably like leading up to her present day. hopefully this results in some good good verisimilitude.
#I wrote a short story from her perspective over the holidays and then didn't know how to continue it#and then I got distracted by real life stuff for a few months#I forget if I posted about that#and then I've been picking through archive dot org for the last few weeks looking at this stuff#the last big rabbit hole was trying to get a better feel for era appropriate ts/tv subculture#the current one I'm looking at is how she would've gotten into language learning and how that would've worked#nettle has been prodding me about the setting thing lately so I've been thinking about that more too#probably the biggest hurdle by far is figuring out how I want to play that#and how I want the thing to be divided up#since the original coc scenario I'm developing this out of is centered on a flight from LA to honolulu#and the airport dungeon was definitely meant to be a hook for a larger campaign#some amount of it is going to cover protag lady's failed life in LA and some of it is going to be worse things happening in hawaii#but it's like. how much do I want to balance it one way or the other#and realistically how much does the aesthetics of 20th century air travel add to the story#besides me personally thinking it's compelling ofc#a lot of what I find compelling about hawaii is that it's an east/west cultural crossroads and realistically that's also true of socal#and I can wax poetic about socal as much as I want without worrying all that much about mishandling something#and there's also a lot of socal specific history along similar parallels to pull from that I'm more familiar with#I guess it comes down to whether curiosity re: 'doing it right' is enough of a motivator to do the increased amount of research#which I guess it has so far with the above character details. so hopefully that will continue#but it also feels like using machine translation a bit yknow. it's hard to know how effectively I'll be able to sanity check#although depending on where this goes I might be able to get other people involved to sensitivity read down the line#with most of the creative things I do I just have a tendency to always rely really heavily on figuring things out myself#I also want protag lady to have a Cool Car and idk how to get that from point a to point b narratively#this is like an entire second or third post's worth of tags but I don't feel like unfucking this so whatever. suffer. I guess.
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dysgraphic artiƨts risɘ UP!!!!!
#raise your pencils!!!! and erasers. to fix the backwards letters 😔#sorry still thinking about my weirdness with my art professors. yknow a lot of em have been really pushing us as#students to make our personal identities a major part of like our 'brand' as artists#which. well from an art history major perspective thats a very contentious and nuanced topic. i love a lot of artists who live this way#and i think its great seeing my peers who focus on identity thrive. but also as an fine arts major (double major fool LOL)#i keep getting pushed by teachers into like. specific '____ artist' identities???#specificaly woman artist. which is a little bizarre because im a bit fat and a bit gnc so im generally like. ungendered? in day-to-day life#(which doesnt actually matter to me directly that much honestly LOL people tend to view me as like. buddy? buddy or pal.)#(not man. not woman. not anything human. sometimes i remind people of a beloved dog. which. hkdsahjk thats its own can of worms)#(a can of worms that also doesnt matter much to me directly because im a wannabe furry who chose to be the dog when playing house as a kid)#(LOL so um. well. theres that) but yeah i dunno i dont really consider myself a woman artist. its been. shockingly (and sometimes luckily?)#irrelevant to most of my life and experiences and art (although dont get me wrong misogyny is very real and very present) so i dont#have a whole lot to say about it from an art perspective. you could also call me all kinds of things. a queer artist. a mixed race artist#again technically correct. some aspects more visible in my work than others. but also very technical. i focus on race a lot in in my#art historical work but i dunno how much my drawings have to say. except that i keep making too many mixed ocs LOL#i dunno i just think my professors gotta focus that energy away from tokenizing me and over to supporting like actual#capital W Woman artists capital Q Queer artists capital A Artists of Colour who are doing far more interesting things than I#far more thought out and engaged in these topics directly. i just kind of stumble into my art blindly and confused <3#sorry that was a long tangent WHAT IM SAYING Is despite all that: i do consider myself a capital D Dysgraphic artist#i think its an unmovable constant of my art and the way i draw and the way my hands move. the untrained eye doesnt seem to be as aware#of it directly. but those who are familiar can probably see it. the dysgraphia LOL if not just from whenever i write a letter or number#half of them are busted and frantically fixed HDKJSDJDS but its in all my art. if u can see it <3 ive been trying to embrace it#dygraphic artists raise your pencils indeed!! and throw away the eraser!!! make the legibility of your words everyone elses problem!!!#what does that say? what is that sketch? none of my business! none of your business!! its the business of my hand and the pencil alone#motor skill and spatial issues take the wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel
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accidentally took a fairly objective step away from myself today and went. oh shit. i’m like REALLY hard on myself aren’t i?
#i’m so hard on myself that it’s maybe single handledly causing at least 80% of my problems#and the crowd goes…. well yeah no shit#and like i knew/know that im hard on myself#but it’s just like. honestly am so convinced i deserve it that most of the time i don’t even think im being hard enough on myself#but then i’ll finally vocalize one of my thoughts out loud in front of someone and they’re like dude What the fuck are u good??#and i’m left sitting there like 🫥#i literally got a grade back on a final today that was not only higher than i expected#but it meant that i passed a class id convinced myself i was gonna fail#and the first and only real thing i could feel was so much guilt bc i didn’t think i deserve that grade#(still don’t but eh)#but it’s like bro you passed a class unexpectedly#got proof that your prof clearly doesn’t think you’re doing as bad as you are#or at least has empathy for the fact that it’s clearly been a bad semester#and now you also get to take that worry off the list and STILL#my brain finds a way to ensure i can still only feel bad about it#it’s like i feel like i deserve bad things so much that ill find any way to twist things around to make me feel bad#i really go ‘is nobody gonna torture the living hell out of this white boy?’ and then DONT wait for an answer#ugh anyway#i need to go to therapy#silas speaks#anyway my tip for the day is maybe try being nicer to yourself and giving yourself more grace and understanding#at the very least try to be more aware of how mean your thoughts get bc sometimes u get so so used to it u don’t realize ur doing it#or how bad it’s getting#mental health#mental illness#self hate
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Recent things.. mostly just writing screenshots lol
#There's a water problem in the apartment so thats been taking most of my attention lol.. the way maintenance happens here is just#this big long vague wait with no clear communication. You just send in a request to the apartment building and then you might hear from the#any weekday from 8am - 4pm any time after that. Sometimes it's quick but sometimes its like days before you hear anything. So then#you just have to be operating under the assumption that at any time during working hours you might get a call or a knock at the door#Like if you were expecting company at any time for a week straight ghjhj.. ANYWAY.. I've been working on making a little discord#server thing for the game maybe for playtesters to communicate in initially i guess but then also after it's out or... something like that.#no idea how all of that works. but you hear about people doing it. or something... Still not entirely sold on the idea since I'm not really#a big user of discord format speaking (like little chats and stuff) but.. again idk.. seems like.. common.. for things...(< socially odd#hermit fumbling through trying to imitate what '''normal''' people do/enjoy/desire lol..). Since I think my biggest issue is I am very bad#at socializing and thus marketing since a lot of that is social. The type to just google ''what do people do about games once they've#made them'' and just go after whatever the top 10 things apparently are hjbjhbjh... But like I said. still unsure it will be utilized. it#all feels very awkward to me. then again most things do. But that's what the ''overall progress'' screenshot is from. the little channel#where I've been posting updates to myself lol. Also ''coding'' in that being used very lightly consdering it's ren'py and I'm only using#the very bare bones most basic functionality of it lol. Extremely intense highly daunting master level coding such as ''if x then y''. gbjh#slacked on writing a lot due to the evil maintenance and such things... and just general... appointments... events... aughhhhhh#I think it's Goose Time here or something because nearly every day I hear big V shaped rows of geese flying by like multiple#times a day and they're so pretty and neat to watch. They've really inspired me somehow. Today it was rainy and gray skied and high winds#and cold (some of my favorite most beautiful weather) and I went out to check the mail and like 6 or 7 rows of geese fluttered#by in the air. I felt like that meme image of that guy that looks kind of weird (william dafoe??) and its like black and white and#he's looking up at something almost teary eyed wide eyed in awe.. The goose... those are my goose.. the universe sent those gooses just#for me and the high speed winds blowing my coat open and chilling my face... a tender platonic kiss from the world is often delivered#by way of chilly weather and bird formations.. peace and love on planet earth truly..#OH and of course.. boy with boy!!!! shout out to those little mcdonalds toy animal plushies from like 2006 or something. I found the#gray cat one and was like.. hrmm.. I have one of those as well (a real life gray cat). surely they're friends now.
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hmm I really want to change my name
#i have since high school but i just dont know. what to do bc nothing feels right or really stands out#my current one doesnt vibe with me and there are people who i am genuinely very wary of who know me by it so i just want to distance myself#from any association..#but then what do i do w my real social medias. like do i just change it and not tell anyone.#anyway since im moving to a new state its perfect bc No One there will have any idea who i am and theres no chance to run into someone who#knows me by my current one..#idk ive tried some and theyre fine but they dont click. sometimes i think ive found it and later its just like eehhh#and i would rather die than name myself some shit like sock or other infantilizing thing. and all the people i can think to name myself#after either have the most boring monosyllable or something way too fkin cool for me#cant win! its hard to ask people Well What Do You Think Fits Me bc thats a big ask lmao and ultimately i would have to rly think about#it. sm f h......#that being said if ur reading this 1st of all damn 2nd of all u could suggest a name. could use the help lol
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"oh hey a real person followed me, I should look at their blog"
soon
"...perhaps I should listen to Eskew."
oh boy you caught my blog after an exciting weekend lmao
I absolutely recommend eskew! I don't have a lot of coherent thoughts, since I got into it over a very physically and mentally draining summer job and have yet to relisten, but it left an impression for sure. I will say what there is of an overarching narrative felt a bit jolty to me in places, for lack of a better term— I think you get the vibe of a show that’s figuring itself out somewhat as it goes, however the ideas are very interesting and I could make a long list of moments that really really affected me. my recent posts probably give a good sense of what I liked most abt it; david ward is just. endlessly interesting as a character imo. the writing’s good— there's a kind of.. ironically humorous edge to a lot of my favourite episodes, something I’d have to relisten to properly articulate. there's a tic of referring to one-off characters by a title instead of a name— the correspondence editor, the architect, the witness— that scratches something in my brain. in contrast with the slimy fleshiness of much of the horror, the sound design is just nice, actually— the rain never stops in eskew and the tone of the narration stays pretty level no matter what’s being described. there are only two narrators and I found both of their voices pleasant enough to close my eyes to on the subway after a long day. very solid show
#ask#eskew#I don’t usually post this much abt eskew but that jonathan sims vs david ward most sopping wet podcast man poll awakened smth in me .#got me itching to write like 1000 words abt how it’s ultimately an unfair comparison#but I havent listened to either podcast in A While so I don’t trust myself to be like. right. abt anything#I’ll just say.#eskew has its narrator in the middle of the horror right off the bat. it’s more immediately immersive and far less grounded—#early episodes you have rlly no guarantee that anything david is perceiving is real or what ‘real’ even means within the rules of his world.#even later on it’s p ambiguous how many of the people he interacts with are actually people and this uncertainty gets exploited a lot#basically. in tma the world looks broadly like our own and is being affected by outside forces where in eskew the setting IS the horror#if I were writing an essay abt this I might make it abt the ways each show plays w humour and absurdity—#the caricature of jon’s initial presentation is a grounding force at the start#where eskew consistently uses absurdity to unground you and keep you uncertain#ofc the initial security to this divide between jon and the statements gradually dissolves#but tma just has a lot more structure the whole time w both the epistolary kind of format and the world.eskew gets. abstract .#what I’m saying is david is infinitely wetter and more miserable bc his story both requires and allows for it. tonally.#and because the rain literally and metaphorically never stops.#david never gets a fucking break even when he gets a fucking break bc he can never KNOW if he’s really getting a fucking break#or if the city that loves him soso much is about to turn on him#(also hes far more chaotic morally I think on account of just being. further out of touch).#at least tma has enough supporting characters who are definitively real people by the rules of its universe#for you to have found family expectations it can repeatedly subvert.#david is a half drowned rat.#. however jonathan sims has more fans and could never lose 😔
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