#Sirius black is sarcastic

[chasingthestarss]

Remus: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?

Sirius whispering: why are there little handprints all over the walls

Harry whispering: because I have small hands

Sirius: Becuase he has small hands

[evanpeterswhoresblog]

Guilty as Sin?

James Potter x f!reader (mentioned), Remus Lupin x f!reader

warnings: smut, protected p in v, lots of descriptions of what ifs (you’ll understand with the song), underage smoking, if you squint it may just be cheating but oh well, this is so good to me

summary: someone once told you, there’s no such thing as bad thoughts… right?

word count: 3k

a/n: i’m in love with this song from taylor’s new album!!! sorry if this characterization isn’t what you like but this concept has been eating me alive. i love remus tho. might be a part two if you guys want !!!

part two is here!!

~~~

Drowning in the Blue Nile

He sent me “Downtown Lights”

I hadn’t heard it in a while

~~~

“Oi y/n!”

You turned on your heels at the sound of your name being called. Down the hallway, you could see James Potter striding toward you. Despite the bodies of other students that filled the hall, you could see he was holding something in his hand. It looked big, and as he came closer and closer you could see more and more of what it was.

“Hello James, something I can help you with?” You asked once he was close enough to hear your normal tone. You looked down at his hands, you could see what he was holding clearly, it was a record. And from the cover of it, it looked to be a muggle one. “What’s that?”

James smiled his intoxicating smile and held the record up. “Something for you.”

You gasped and one of your hands moved up to cover your mouth. In his hands, he held the latest album of your favorite singer, Heroes by David Bowie. It had come out in October, and every time you searched for it, it was sold out. You traced your eyes over the beautiful shining black and white cover, you were practically speechless.

“How did you- when did you- James...”

“I have my ways, don’t worry about it,” the black-haired boy replied with a small laugh.

“It’s not close enough to be a Christmas gift, and you know my birthday isn’t till spring,” you observed out loud. Your eyes met his again and you blinked. “So, what’s this for?”

He shrugged. “For the past few weeks, I haven’t been the only one to take notice of how much you’ve been playing Bowie in the common room. And I heard you talking to Moony about how you haven’t got the new album yet... so here it is.”

He held it out to you and with delicate hands, you accepted the gift, still amazed. “James, you didn’t have to.”

“I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to,” he said as he ran a hand through his hair. “I’m surprised Moony didn’t already get it for you.”

“Yeah...” You looked down for a moment before meeting his eyes again, and you smiled. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

“Play it tonight, put it to use. Anyway, I’ve got to run, I’m supposed to be helping Peter with his Charms homework. See you at dinner.”

He gave you another smile before turning and walking back the way he came. You were too preoccupied with the flawless record in your hands to say goodbye. For a split second, you felt your heart flutter with a feeling you knew you shouldn’t have felt. So, you pushed it away and restarted your walk to the dungeons.

You knew better than to let those thoughts linger in the open hallway.

~~~

My boredom’s bone-deep

This cage was once just fine

Am I allowed to cry?

~~~

“James got that for you?”

You had just put the record on, and the sound of David Bowie's voice began to fill the Gryffindor common room. Your cheeks almost hurt from how much you’d been smiling. On one of the couches, your boyfriend Remus sat, his typical book in his lap. You turned and flung yourself on the open spot next to him, nodding your head to the beat of the song.

“Yeah, he gave it to me earlier, isn’t it wonderful?”

Remus nodded; his eyes locked on his book. “It’s definitely something.”

You rolled your eyes. “You like Bowie too last I checked.”

“You play him so much I’m surprised not everyone likes him,” Remus replied. Suddenly he shut his book and turned his head to look at you. For a split second, you felt hope that he was going to just listen with you. But of course, that wasn’t the case. Instead, he rose from the couch. “I can’t concentrate with it playing, I’m going to go read in my dorm.”

“But we barely spend any time together Rem, unless it’s a shag,” you protested, anger suddenly taking you over. “When’s the last time we went on a proper date? Or anything at all? I’m so bored of this.”

Remus as usual, kept his composer and showed no sign of any emotion. “If you’re so bored you’re welcome to leave me.”

“You know that’s not what I want,” you said.

“Then I’m not sure what to tell you. You’re welcome to join me, you know where to find me.”

He left before you could say anything else.

You ran your hands over your face in frustration. How did your relationship come to this? You started dating Remus in fifth year, and it had been the happiest moment of your life. He was your first love, the boy you shared almost all of your firsts with actually. You loved him more than anyone, yet it never seemed to be enough. So, you began to give up.

After all, it was your last year at Hogwarts, after it ended, you’d never have to see him again. Because really, was so much pain worth a moment of happiness? You didn’t believe so anymore.

Instead of following him up to his dorm as you would have the year prior, you simply laid back on the couch and enjoyed the first listen of the album.

~~~

I dream of cracking locks

Throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks

Crashing into him tonight, he’s a paradox

I’m seeing visions, am I bad?

Or mad? Or wise?

~~~

The first time you ever thought of James in the way you knew you shouldn’t be was about a year into your relationship with Remus. After he had begun his distant behavior, his cold manners, and all those awful things. Previously, you had only ever felt attracted to the one Marauder. You saw Peter as a sweet little brother, you saw Sirius as an older annoying brother, and you saw James as well, a friend. That was until one late December night.

You and Remus had one of your arguments and you went outside for a smoke to help with your anxiety. For a few minutes, you sat in silence, the cold air and smoke in your lungs a great distraction from the boiling fears that consumed your mind. You were afraid to lose Remus. More than afraid. So, you inhaled a deep puff of the cigarette to focus on something else.

“You’ll catch a cold out here you know.”

You jumped at the sudden sound of a voice. James sat next to you, and you were perplexed at how he managed to sneak into the spot so quietly. You were also confused as to why he was there in the first place.

“If that’s the case then why are you out here?” You questioned as you let out a cloud of smoke.

He held up his hand and you passed it to him. “I had a... date anyway Filtch was in the corridor, so I ran out here. I doubt he followed, he and Mrs. Norris hate this time of year.” He inhaled a deep breath and passed the cigarette back to you. “Why are you out here?”

“A date? Is that what they call a shag now?” You laughed for a few seconds before your frown resurfaced. “Remus and I had a disagreement. We both said some nasty things, I needed to clear my head.”

“Ah, lovers quarrel. Are you all right? Remus can say some pretty nasty things when he’s mad,” James said as he pushed his glasses back up his nose.

You stared at him in silence for a moment. Never before had you realized how attractive he really was. Sirius was known to be the most attractive of the Marauders, but his crude personality, at least in your opinion, always outshined his natural features. James, however, since the start of sixth year, had matured. That meant he was no longer solely physically attractive; he also had an attractive personality. He was funny, caring, outgoing, and a leader. And of course, he was six feet tall with curly black hair and a perfect smile. Who wouldn’t be attracted to that?

You swallowed away the tingly feeling that shot through your fingers as you passed him the cigarette again.

He’s your boyfriend's best mate, stop thinking like that. You thought to yourself.

But as you watched him exhale another breath of smoke you couldn’t stop yourself from thinking about how his perfect lips would feel against yours.

“I’m sure you two will make up by the end of the night, he really loves you,” he spoke. His eyes caught yours, you could see the small smirk on his all too good-looking lips. “Who wouldn’t fancy a girl like you anyway?”

“A lot of guys actually,” you responded.

His hazel eyes were practically glowing. “They’re blokes. Have you seen yourself y/n? You’re pretty, smart, funny, and you have a fascinating music taste. And anything Remus might’ve said to make you feel less than perfect well... he didn’t mean it. Trust me, that wouldn’t be possible.”

You laughed. “What? Me being less than perfect or Remus meaning what he said?”

“Both,” James answered.

He must’ve felt it too. That pull. You almost considered moving closer to him, but before you could make the decision James stood. You were relieved, the spell was broken. Your senses came back. You shouldn’t have even thought about what it would feel like to kiss James Potter.

“Let’s get back up to the tower, it’s pretty fucking cold,” he said.

You only nodded and threw your cigarette to the ground, crushing it with your sneaker after you stood. “All right.”

The two of you walked back up silently and you were greeted by an apologetic Remus. As he held you in his arms though, all you could think about were the thoughts you had previously thought.

~~~

What if he’s written “mine” on my upper thigh only in my mind?

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

Oh, what a way to die

My bedsheets are ablaze, I’ve screamed his name

Building up like waves crashing over my grave

~~~

You gripped the red sheets of Remus’s bed so hard your knuckles turned white. Your breathing was heavy and unsteady. You tried to lean your head up to kiss him, but he wasn’t paying attention. It was something you’d grown used to. He liked to fuck you hard, not soft, not lovingly. No. He liked it intensely. You did too, but you also liked being gently taken care of.

Too bad he didn’t enjoy that anymore.

“Rem I-”

“I’m- almost done.” He cut you off, his breathless voice which once made you squirm now made you angry.

It was despicable, it was so wrong. And yet, you couldn’t stop yourself from doing it.

You closed your eyes and began to imagine someone else on top of you. Instantly, you felt a rush of heat to your cheeks at the picture in your mind. He would be so much more careful, and considerate. You’d heard from many girls how good of a lover he was. All of them would dote on how much he liked pleasing them. With his fingers, his mouth, and his...

You tried to squeeze your thighs together.

You should’ve stopped, you knew that. But your mind kept going.

You pictured him on top of you. His curls would be so soft. His hands would be callused from Quidditch. He’d use them on you, make you cum over and over again. You imagined how he’d curl his fingers so perfectly inside you.

“That’s it, my perfect girl,” he’d whisper to you as he went on with it. “You’re so good for me, aren’t you?”

Suddenly, without warning, you felt yourself reach a peak you hadn’t reached in a while. You squeezed your eyes shut and came at the thought of how good James Potter's praises would make you feel.

When Remus was done, he lay next to you on the bed breathless. “You came?”

You only stared at the top of his bed. “Yeah.”

~~~

These fatal fantasies

Giving way to labored breath, takin all of me

We’ve already done it in my head

If it’s make-believe

Why does it feel like a vow we’ll both uphold somehow?

~~~

There was something so exhilarating about being around James. Especially when the two of you were alone. It was as though every time the two of you had a moment alone, he gave you another reason to keep your fantasies going. Often, it made you wonder if he knew of your terrible thoughts.

The two of you sat by the black lake, the rest of your friends were further away playing a game of football. It was funny watching Lily get frustrated trying to explain the rules to Sirius, but it was even funnier when James commented on it from beside you.

“Oh no, he picked it up again. Evans is almost turning as red as her hair, I worry for her health,” the boy with glasses joked.

You snorted. “She’s going to have a heart attack from that boy mark my words.”

“I believe that. ‘Suppose it’s a good thing she’s thinking about becoming a Healer,” he replied.

You threw your head back as you laughed, one of your hands flying up to grip James’s arm. After a few seconds though, you composed yourself and pulled your hand off him as though it had been burned. Your eyes immediately found Remus across the field. He paid you no mind.

“Y/n can I ask you something a little personal?” James asked.

Your eyes met his and you didn’t hesitate to nod. “Sure.”

“You and Remus, things aren’t good between the two of you.”

“What gave that away?” You faked a smile. “But that’s not a question love.”

He really smiled. “I know. Sorry. My question was why are you still with him if things between the two of you are like this? I understand being in love, Merlin I tried to get Evans to go out with me for ages. But you and Moony... You used to be in our room all the time, you guys used to be so happy and I dunno around each other. Do you guys even go out anymore? I haven’t seen a snog between the two of you in a while.”

You inhaled a deep breath, your attention moving to the blade of grass between your fingers. “I suppose I’m afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Yes, afraid. Rem he- he's my first everything and I dunno. If we broke up the friend group would be torn, and everything would be complicated. I suppose it’s just easier this way,” you answered. You hadn’t been this honest about how you felt in a long time. It felt good. And it felt even better when you caught James’s caring eyes.

“Do you love him?”

His question caught you off guard. “I did. I still think I do.”

You watched him look across the field for a few seconds before he did something you never would’ve expected. Ever so gently, he placed his hand over yours on the grass. All you could do was stare wildly into his eyes. Was this supposed to make your heart race and your face red?

“I care about you y/n, and I care about Remus as well. I want what’s best for both of you and if I’m being honest, I don’t think that’s with each other,” he said softly.

“Have you said this to him then?” You questioned, you found it hard to breathe with the feeling of his rough hand on yours.

James nodded. “Of course I have. He doesn’t like advice that much though.”

“He really doesn’t does he?” You mumbled.

“No, he doesn’t. But either of you can talk to me about anything. You know that right? You don’t have to be afraid of anything y/n. Even if you do break up I’ll be here for you, you won’t be alone. Course you have Lily and Mary and Marlene as well but...” You watched his face change as he trailed off. “I dunno. I thought it would be different with me.”

“Different?” You held your breath. “How so?”

His thumb moved across your skin; you bit down on your lip.

“You know...” he trailed off again, his voice quieter than before.

All you could think about was how good it would feel to pounce on top of him and kiss him till you couldn’t breathe. You’d do it, even out there in the open. You imagined how intense and fast it would be. A few minutes at most but a lifetime of pleasure no doubt. He’d make you feel things you hadn’t felt in ages, he’d do whatever you asked. That’s just the person he was.

“James, you don’t even know the half of it,” you admitted softly.

“Love, I think I do.”

You could’ve fainted right then and there. His eyes were so mesmerizing, his voice sent goosebumps all over your body. It was terrible, despicable, and tragic. But oh, how fucking good it felt to be seen again. And as it seemed, James really saw you.

“James we can’t-”

“We aren’t doing anything.” He leaned closer to you. “And besides there’s no such thing as bad thoughts. Only your actions talk.”

“So you-”

“Yes, yes I do.”

“James...”

“I know I must sound like a god-awful prat but believe me I don’t want the two of you to break up so we can... No. I want you two to break up because both of you are miserable. And I do really care about the both of you, you’re my mates.” He explained quickly.

You turned back to the field and saw Remus slowly approaching. Without thinking you ripped your hand away from James’s as fast as you could and stood up. You took a few deep breaths before you looked down at James.

“If Remus and I do break up, I want you to know it’s not because of... all right?”

“All right.” He nodded.

“Good,” you said before turning and making your way out to Remus.

You knew what he wanted to do, and you would oblige.

You had about ten thousand more fantasies to think of during it anyway.

[incorrect-maraudersaandco-quotes]

Remus: Do you have a favorite period in world history? Sirius: Well, as the resident history expert, I'm going to have to go with, uh, roughly 1959 to modern day Sirius: Yeah, I really think that history peaked with my birth and subsequent existence.

[springs-hurts]

"Most go mad in there, and plenty stop eating in the end. They lose the will to live. You could always tell when a death was coming, because the dementors could sense it, they got excited."

Harry Potter and Goblet of Fire, padfoot Returns.

Idk how so many people Read this part and went, "Oh Sirius is definitely a whiny kid, most immature, he's the one who cries all the time about how sad his life like get over it dude, they were just dementers nothing else!"

Like you definitely did not read this or any other part that describes azkaban if you think Sirius' willpower wasn't 200+ man survived hell for 12 years, and still remained Sane. Still remained powerful, give him some credit and stop turning him into something he's not!

[kingstarkingslay]

Sirius: “What if I told you I wanted to take you out?”

Remus: “You mean like a walk to the nearest exit?”

[child-of-icarus]

Sirius: This is a terrible idea Prongs

James: No it’s not! It has to work, Remus said—

Remus [walking by]: Okay I don’t have a fact book, sometimes I just say stuff

[oneluckygoose]

He likes sweaters, the way the envelop him like a soft hug. He likes chocolate, the warmth it brings in contrast to cold rooms and even colder chains. He likes the chairs by the fire, the way it eases the aches in his bones, the way it laps and crackles the wood, fuzzy flames seeming soft to the touch, like the worn fabric underneath him. He likes it when people snuggle up to him and steal the warmth he produces like a furnace, he likes knowing he can do something other than hurt.

He gets mad, he’s angry, he’s in pain. How could he not be? There are rips and tears in his skin that come from claws that are not his own. He wakes up with blood in his mouth, fearing it to be someone else’s. He rages against the cruelty of the world, and there are cold points that bristle from him as a warning. He gets mad when he looks in the mirror, sees sharp scars and even sharper teeth, a painful reminder of his untamable bloodlust, he can’t count how many mirrors he’s broken. He supposes the cuts he gets on his hands are just few added to the many. He wants to scream, he wants to snap, to let the world know his anger, he wants to become something the wolf may fear as much as he fears it.

Remus Lupin likes curling up, book in hand, the pages worn soft from years of use, by the fire. He likes how the paper smoothes against his fingertips, added with the glowing warmth of flame. Remus Lupin likes the soft things, the warm things. He likes how human they make him feel. He likes how it proves to himself that he is something other than the cold, sharp wolf. He likes taking joy in them, he likes how it makes happiness flutter in his chest, in stark contrast to blinding bloodlust that takes him over by force. He likes how he can become everything the wolf isn’t, he likes how he can be better, how he can be the softness: in smiles, in hugs, in tones, in love. He likes how he can be the warmth: in comforting, in touches, in laughter, in love. He likes how he can think of the wolf and be so overwhelmingly angry, and still be a blazing torch of happiness to the cruel world that cursed him. He likes that it’s spite, but he likes even more that it’s love. He likes how it was love that let him like the soft things, the warm things. He likes how it is love he gives the people around him, not the scars that he gives himself. He likes that it’s love that makes soft jumpers rub against old scars and he likes that its love that he feels the jumper instead of the wound. He likes Sirius’ smile when he tells him in the dark night that the wolf’s fur is soft and warm. Remus likes how despite everything, he is the person seek out if they need a hug, or warmth by the fire, or a cozy sweater, or a bite of chocolate, or a good book, or a piece of love. He likes how the wolf took over his life and he found a way to live around it. He likes how he found a way to live and live and live without cold chains, sharp claws, bloody bites. He likes how he’s mad and he likes how he found a way to love.

He likes how that’s the biggest “fuck you” to the wolf, that he is everything it can’t be.

[imsiriuslyreading]

genuinely nothing makes me happier than when people slide into my dms with an unsolicited fic rec 🫶🏽

like yes, catch me off guard. oh you know i love fluff n smut so you sent me some? i adore you.

if i planned on reproducing i’d give you my first born but kids are the devils spawn so instead i’ll send you a few fic recs back and we can be friends forever

[stupidstrawberrystars]

i’m writing a killer fic for the conan fest (just watch me) and it revolves around my very favourite personal headcanon;

Lily was the only person who called Voldemort by his name. Who didn’t chicken out and say “you know who”.

Who didn’t cave to Dumbledores demands about not speaking his name.

And Harry (subconsciously) got that from his mother. He got her spirit, and her ability to rolls her eyes and mock wizarding insanity.

[lupinekvinen]

Double Trouble (Professor Black & Professor Lupin AU)

I can't get the idea of Sirius becoming the Charms professor in Harry's 4th year out of my head!! I read a fic ages ago which followed this idea but it has since been deleted and I can't find something that scratches the itch in quite the same way. I've never posted on here before but I figured I'd share the part I've written and see if anyone is interested!

The night of the 1st September, 1994 started off normally, that is to say, with the wide-eyed panic of dozens of eleven-year-old boys and girls. The juxtaposition of these statements was, of course, entirely lost on the occupants of Hogwarts – the scores of wizards and witches perched eagerly on their benches, watching each tiny eleven-year-old child be engulfed in the brown patchwork of a wizened hat, to be promptly directed to their housemates by a somewhat reluctant cheer from the respective table. 

In fact, the only seemingly strange event was the reappearance of Remus Lupin, Professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts. This was not odd in and of itself; during the previous year, Professor Lupin had been well-respected by staff and students alike. However, excited gossip amongst the students confirmed that – at a shocking rate of employee turnover – no Defence Professor had ever been known to last more than a year. With the rumoured curse surrounding the position defiantly disproved, hushed whispers erupted throughout the tables, only to be quickly silenced by the stern gaze of Professor McGonagall.

Amidst the chatter, few students paid any mind to a seat left empty. Though those who did noticed that Flitwick’s usual space was lacking any sign of the cheerful Charms Master.

As the final first years found their seats, curious eyes turned away from the faculty table to instead focus on more important matters – the overflowing dishes of roast potatoes, beef, and yorkshire puddings which were rapidly materialising from the kitchens below. A few glanced back towards the teachers, confused, finding Dumbledore’s failure to regale them with the standard ominous warnings regarding the forbidden forrest somewhat disconcerting. 

What was more disconcerting, however, was the sudden and rather thunderous boom of the solid main door being slammed open. The intruder – a well dressed, black haired man whose primary goal appeared to be making everyone jump out of their skin (at which he succeeded) – paid no heed to the minor property damage incurred. Instead, he chose to saunter through the entryway with the air of a catwalk model. 

Silence, it seemed, was not the reaction this man had been expecting. In spite of his less-than-warm welcome, his confidence did not appear to dissipate.

“Apologies for my late arrival, Albus.” His voice rang out, aristocracy clear in his eloquence. “I was delayed by… pressing business.” 

No one quite knew what to make of that. At the faculty table, Professor Lupin could be seen with his head in his hands. 

Silence. A pin drop, and then…

“Is that Sirius Black?”

[valoflunar]

The black brothers like to talk bad about someone together infront of their faces in French because its the most convenient way of talking shit abt people right there and now

[atlas-the-bastard]

Not me falling in love with another dark haired, gay as hell, traumatised, sassy/sarcastic/dramatic fictional boy who only wears black clothes.

[tiredofthehumanlife]

Yeah okay dude you can't write fanfiction but you can write a full paged letter (front and back) explaining to your little brother that you love him and his mother is abusive okay dude whatever man

[mystaristhere]

Regulus is a bassist in a punk band.

Nobody: Why no tats, piercings or funky hair?

Regulus: I refuse to conform to society's expectations.

[fox-marauder]

I’m writing a “just a bit” jealous Sirius because someone he “absolutely doesn’t like” went on a date with somebody, while i’m listening to Lay All Your Love On Me. 

yes.

[anunfortunatekinlist]

My most liked post is talking about lesbian prongsfoot and crying into each others pussies, but when I think I write something angsty and explaining peters betrayal, it gets no likes…. None, what is Tumblr