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torturedtypewritersdept · 3 days ago
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blue eyes + bruises - part one
✯ pairing:
doctor!rafe cameron x fem!reader
✯ summary:
a tragic car accident looks like it'll be the end for you, but dr. cameron is here to make sure that doesn't happen.
✯ warnings:
mature themes, mentions of anxiety, nostalgia, and fear, car accident, death of a spouse (not rafe or y/n), major surgery, injuries, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, etc.
✯ a/n:
nothing!! please don't engage if you have a hard time with any of these topics <3 this was origianlly posted on my old blog @/illicitfixations, @/lovelornanonymity back in 2021/2022 and i have rewritten + reshared it here :)
Sarah doesn't have lunch often with her brother, but she does today, placing the responsibility of taking care of him on herself, as she always does. Her latest manifestation of this fact is you – her best friend since her college days. He doesn’t know it, but she’s coming to him with a proposition; your sweetness and his intelligence – she knows they’d meld together like a puzzle and that’s precisely why she’s set up a date between the two of you for this evening. She enters the hospital cafeteria slowly, spotting him from across the gigantic space. His shoulders are slumped and she clocks a limp in his step, instantly sure he’s been on his feet for far too long. She smiles softly as they lock eyes and notices his are far more sunken in than she’d like them to be; in fact, they almost resemble the dark black holes of a skull missing its skin and as he makes his way feverishly through the cafeteria line, she wonders if he’s okay. 
“Rafe – you look like you haven’t eaten in six days.” 
She scolded as the older Cameron made his way to the table and sat his tray down across from her. 
“I eat.” 
He grunted in response, rolling his blue orbs into the back of his head at her incessant need to pick him apart in the form of worry. This was why he didn’t return to North Carolina after college, after all. Though he couldn’t in part blame it all on his baby sister, the discontent of his father and the enthralling energy of the city had wooed him and his bride. 
“Yeah, okay, hot shot.” 
She replied, laughing, throwing a french fry in his direction.  
“You’re gonna be mad but I've promised your hand to someone for the evening.” 
She said, giggling. 
“Dammit, Sarah!” 
He replied, the huff that escaped like that of an agitated dog.  
“Come on, big brother! Please – she’s my sweet friend from college and she’s nice and shy and she –” 
“I don’t care. I’m not going.” 
Rafe interjected aggressively. 
“Well, too fucking bad. I already told her you agreed and I’d really hate it if you stood her up. It was like pulling teeth to get her to agree to even give you a chance.” 
“Too. Fucking. Bad.” 
He gritted out. 
“No – don’t play with me, I know you. Rafe Cameron is a lot of things, but he isn’t cruel and it took a lot of convincing for her to come out anyways, so please.” 
Squinting her eyes in annoyance and shaking her head, she waged her war with him blatantly, tired of his bullshit only five minutes into the conversation in only a way that he could ignite.
“Tell that to Molly. She thinks I am.” 
He whispered. 
“No she didn’t – doesn’t.” 
She caught herself, two years later still not used to talking about her sister-in-law in past tense. 
“Just go – please. Get out of this hospital and those fucking ugly scrubs.” 
She pleaded, her soft blue eyes always something he had to give into. 
“Fine, Sarah, I’ll fucking go.” 
He growled, jerking his plate closer to him as he began munching on the chicken tenders that sat in front of him.
— 
Rafe was dreading this date, he didn’t know you or what you were even like and let’s be honest, he hasn’t dated in literal years, hasn’t even given it a thought. After Molly departed from him, he ate, slept, and breathed life in the hospital, too afraid to be in his home alone – too afraid the silence and lack of love would swallow him home; death by a thousand cuts. He felt like that was probably normal for the situation he had found himself in; divorce in the form of death. He stared at himself in the mirror of the locker room, being sure he was ready as his hand tousled through his unruly hair. 
“Sarah’s right – I do look like shit.” 
He muttered, suddenly wondering what this unknown woman would think of him.
 He made his way down the linoleum lined hallway and out of the hospital door a few moments later, the familiar red shine of ambulance lights just out of his peripheral and the screech of the alarm coming from the rig coming to a stop. He watched carefully as they pulled a young woman from the back, her limbs splinted and blood covering her. He wasn't sure what it was; fate or an uneasy stomach, these days he hardly had the capacity to tell the difference. But, whatever the force behind it, she pulled him toward her and as he got close, the date he had planned for suddenly slipped his mind. 
— 
Everything hurt – that was the first thing your brain registered as you pulled your eyes open, the sound of a siren and the beat of your heart blaring simultaneously in your ears. The siren was close, you could tell, but you seemed so distant from it at the same time, so far away and fleeting. You closed your eyes, the darkness overcoming you. It only felt like they had been closed for five seconds, but you were sure it had been longer as you heard the sound of a man’s voice and felt wind around you, signaling your brain that you were moving by the sound of rickety wheels beneath you. The man sounded handsome and kind, his voice deep as it bellowed in the air around you. 
“What do we got?” 
He asked with urgency, looking pointedly at the paramedics, a team of doctors surrounding him. 
“25 year old female, car accident. She went through the windshield – crush injuries, concussion, internal bleeding – she’s barely hanging on.” 
He gingerly nodded at the words of the paramedic and brought a pen light from his pocket, pulling your eyelids back and shining it into them. A groan escaped your lips at the intrusion. 
“Sweetheart, can you hear me?” 
His voice penetrated your ears and for some reason unbeknownst to you, your brain pulled your eyes open, fighting to get to whoever the voice belonged. As you took in the blue eyes that stood over you, you registered who the voice belonged to – sounds and words you could barely register coming from his mouth again. 
“I’m Dr. Rafe Cameron, I’m gonna take care of you, okay?” 
He spoke, sliding his hand in yours, giving you a kind smile. 
“Can you squeeze my hand, for me?” 
Your senses weren’t intact, numbness infiltrated your being but you could feel his calloused hand as it slipped into yours and with all the energy that remained in your body, you squeezed his hand weakly. He smiled – bright and breathtakingly beautiful, teeth so perfectly in line that you were sure he had orthodontic work at some point. You noticed the crinkles by his eyes as his lips parted and his lips turned up. You suddenly regretted not shaving your legs this morning, taking in his handsomely sculpted jaw as he turned his head sideways, stretching his hands across you. You were unsure what was happening until you felt him unhooking the straps that you now realized were draped across your body, securing you to the bed you laid on.
“Move her on three – one, two, three.” 
He chanted out, voice bellowing as his words controlled the move of every person in the room. You weren’t sure what kind of doctor Rafe was, but you knew he was important, that he was a leader, as every nurse and bystander operated under his sole instruction. You closed your eyes as the hands of the people around you lifted you from one bed to another, the jostling of your body breaking through the heavy cloud of numbness and what started as a whimper but quickly turned into a full-fledged bloody murder scream escaped your lips. 
“Easy, sweetheart. I know it hurts.” 
His hands made their way to your hair, pushing the blood-stained strands away from your forehead. His touch was gentle and calming, you had never been touched by a doctor like this, you thought to yourself. 
“R-Rafe?” 
You croaked out, eyes pleading. 
“Hmm?”
He questioned with all his attention on you. His blue eyes raked over your form, studying your face, taking in the distress and the pain that laced it. 
“Gonna die?” 
You questioned, mumbling, incoherently and before he could even respond your eyes rolled into the back of your head, your back arching off the bed as you your body shook into a fit of convulsions. 
“She’s crashing!” 
One of the nurses yelled out.  
“We’ve got to get her to the OR now, get me a neuro consult and page Dr. Richardson, I have no doubt in my mind she’s hemorrhaging.” 
As soon as he muttered out the words, Rafe was straddling you on the gurney, legs on either side of your hips as his palms laid flat against your chest, fingers interlocking with each other as he violently, urgently pressed up and down in an attempt to restart your heart. 
“Not today, sweet girl. Not today.” 
He whispered, continuing chest compressions as the nurses and doctors wheeled the gurney the two of you were on into the operating room. 
masterlist:
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@maybankslover @inthelibrarybtw @luvrcndy @silkylovey @yagirlwrites @obxbabygirl @rafeecameronsbitch @klutzy-kay24 @roseczbalt @akobx @allsmilesreally7
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agentrouka-blog · 2 days ago
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I try not to rely too much on the hope that they will be made canon (ultimately i will ship them even if the books don't go that route, and will then just marvel at how GRRM accidentally created the perfect solution he didnt see/want to see) but since this is a Book!Jonsa theory blog can I just say that I really appreciate how you're one of the few Jonsa speculation blogs who is hopeful about them getting a happy ending? I know it's not the most realistic ending (GRRM saying he finds lovers NOT ending up happy together more romantic and fulfilling than an ending where they live happily ever after) and there's a huge chance that if (big if) they do become canon it'll end with them separated but it makes me so sad to think about Jon being punished for existing/the romantic notions him and Sansa have not being fulfilled.
It's nice that among a sea of people constantly theorising about the most tragic way for them to end up, there's your blog offering some hope that maybe a bittersweet ending DOESNT mean (in case of them having kids) Sansa raising a bastard child who will never know their father like Jon never knew his mother/Jon never being allowed to be part of his kids life etc. Maybe the bittersweet aspect of this all is the "big romance" ending up being about two kids who thought they were siblings. And the bittersweet ending is already being fulfilled by the overall narrative (fire and ice threat over but at what cost, tragic villains, reluctant kinslaying, the "heroes" getting what they wanted but not how they thought ...).
Hi there! Glad to see my optimism is appreciated. :)
And the bittersweet ending is already being fulfilled by the overall narrative (fire and ice threat over but at what cost, tragic villains, reluctant kinslaying, the "heroes" getting what they wanted but not how they thought ...).
That there is where I think a lot of people get lured into expecting a much darker ending that GRRM has in mind. Because it's the overall balance that is bittersweet. Not a strict ratio of bitterness and sweetness for every single character, which let's be honest, usually errs on the side of bitterness in people's expectations.
(Also what would be sweet about Dany's ending? Is Tyrion going to wipe a tear thinking about that prostitute he violated, about murdering Shae, as he stares into a melancholy sunset with no discernible consequences? No. Some people just have grim stuff coming, and what happens to the ratio then? It doesn't exist, is what.)
A bittersweet ending contains pain within it. It is an ending that doesn't fix everything that went wrong. It's an ending that - much like the whole book series - gives its due to the importance of grief. Horrific things happen in the book series and they leave scars. The world is forever changed. But. There is a future, too!
In order to have an ending that is not simply bitter, you will need actual sweetness. The spring, the rebirth, the renewal of it all.
Couples separated and children growing up fatherless is not that. Because it's just piling more grief on grieving people. Only for the sake of preventing them being happy, essentially. We already know that these characters will sacrifice personal happiness for the sake of duty/doing the right thing/safety/justice. Nothing significant would be revealed by that. So what would be the point? Some dogmatic allergy to happiness?
No. Sansa did not rebuild that castle from snow that tastes like lover's kisses to find no true joy in the future. Bran did not feel the strength in the deep roots and the stones, in order to preside over a world of regret. Jon did not love his family so deeply in order to spend his days forever banished over some arbitrary pretext.
It's illogical to me. Nope, sorry, they are going to be happy.
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disgruntleddemon · 1 day ago
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i though i'd try and do designs for the better world from J3 as fun lil challenge! i went w middle age-ish, since we don't rly see that in canon.
McGucket gets to be fun and silly. he gets into eccentric button ups (i firmly believe the Hawaiian shirt Stan puts on the skeleton was McGucket's), and just generally enjoys getting ridiculous with his outfits. also, return on the mustache! and a ponytail for the hell of it. kind of a fun uncle vibe.
i think Ford just likes plain colored button ups. that's basically all he wears in flashbacks lol. besides that, he's a bit more outdoorsy. best believe he has a shit ton of random things in the vest pockets. he also doesn't have any tattoos from Bill, so that's nice
for Stan i basically just went w his sea grunk look. his hair is just starting to thin out a bit. his chin is also scruffier since i'm still not sure how to give a dog stubble. idk, his design was the trickiest to figure out.
Stan and Ford's matching earrings were from an incident where they were drunk and one of them thought it would be a great idea. both of them insist it was the other's idea. they never got rid of the earrings though lmao. McGucket teases them about it sometimes.
anyway, long ramblings on my timeline headcannons under the cut:
so, the main thing that ended up changing the timeline, was Ford reaching out to Stan Sooner. things had just started to go bad, like in cannon, but Bill played one of his cards too soon.
he did the zombie possession thing, and that's enough to scare Ford into contacting Stan. the idea that even death wouldn't be enough to escape Bill was pretty terrifying y'know?
he hadn't yet come up with the plan to hide the journals, so primarily he wants Stan to help buy him some time. basically, he needed someone who could babysit him and make sure he was restrained if he fell asleep.
given his goal, he has more time to just sit down with Stan and explain the whole situation. he's a bit more trusting than cannon Ford, but in a "this is a last ditch effort, idk what to do if this fails" way. obviously, Stan agrees to help, which also means they're now living together and forced to work through their issues. it does go a bit smoother than would have in cannon tho. at some point during this time period, they do hide the journals. they're basically throwing anything at the wall trying to see what sticks.
Ford believes they REALLY need McGucket. with some convincing from Stan, he works up the nerve to call Fiddleford's home. only to be met with Emma saying he hadn't come back, and not to call her anymore. i kinda picture a scenario where Ford and Stan desperately try to find McGucket, only to, ironically, get snatched by the blind eye after seeing something supernatural
i'm not entirely sure how i'd have the confrontation play out. i do think this gets to be a moment where Ford is the one to excel in a social situation. like, i think it'd be a chance to see some of him and McGucket's friendship, and show how much Ford does actually care.
either way, McGucket agrees to help at the end. idk what to do with the blind eye, but i'm thinking similar to the ending of the episode in the show. except maybe more open ended if all the members got their mind erased in case i want the blind eye to make a reappearance as antagonists later.
i've seen a couple different ways people go about protecting Ford's mind from Bill in mystery trio aus. unicorn hair, metal plate surgery but riskier, metal helmet, etc, but i'm surprised no one ever uses project mentem!
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for one thing, it just SCREAMS fiddleford to me. i already headcannoned better world McGucket gave cannon Ford the blueprints for it, so of course i'm gonna use it as part of my better world timeline. i mean, if he made the memory gun, i can def see him making the brain protector too lol.
after that is a couple various events:
Ford and Stan have to help McGucket recover from his memory gun addiction. while not as pronounced as cannon obviously, he still has memory issues left over
they start dismantling the portal
Ford publishes his research like McGucket originally suggested, and does get quite a bit of money from that
Mcgucket and Emma get divorced and have to figure out their situation. i think it'd be awhile before Fiddleford gets proper custody, but i do think Emma moves closer, and Fiddleford gets to see Tate
the trio opens something similar to the mystery shack, but an actual anomaly natural history museum. Stan ends up doing tours, while Ford and McGucket do the displays + research for that. it's around this point those two officially get together. they'd been kind of dancing around it for awhile lol
surprising everyone, it's Fiddleford who thinks they should revisit the portal, and that he has ideas on how to get it to work safely. still not entirely sure how to have that play out, but obviously they do figure it out in the end
at some point the institute is founded
when the portal is actually finished, and dimensional travel becomes more of a thing, Ford and Stan start exploring together. they don't go sailing, but the do get to go on adventures as brothers :]
at some point, shifty is revisited. having seen a few aus where he ends up as Ford and McGucket's kid, i'm kinda leaning in that direction. haven't decided what to do with him yet
now, when cannon Ford shows up, and gets some of the basics of what happened in this world he asks Fiddleford something to the effect of "so, did Stan hide the journals?" and he technically did hide them, WITH Ford, so McGucket is like "yeah, i guess so, but-" before cannon Ford cuts him off and changes the subject.
i think cannon ford was already overwhelmed by seeing what was essentially his dream world, that finding out what happened to Stan would be too painful. if they reconnected, that would hurt, if they never saw each other again, that would also hurt. so, cannon Ford, king of repressing his feelings, just avoided the topic.
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tribalauthor · 21 hours ago
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THE WISEWOMAN (roman reigns ff) <chapter 5>
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Word count: 2.3k
After the show was over, a big part of the roster came to congratulate me. My friends Samantha, Tiffany and Bianca. Also the boss, Triple H seemed very impressed.
As of now Austin Theory is standing in front of me pouring his heart out.
"You were amazing, Soph." he praised me. "How could have Paul dared to hide such a gem from us?" the man shook his head and I just chuckled.
"Better late than never." I shrugged. "And hey, hope you win the next time." I pointed my finger at him.
"If you become my Wise Woman, it will be possible." he winked at me.
Roman's POV:
Everyone was hugging and congratulating Sophia. She really made quite the impression. My colleagues looked very thrilled from what they saw. Myself included, of course.
Everything went so smoothly for her first performance. That's a huge deal. She may not be my wise woman for long but I can say that I definitely see a future for her here.
I also see a future of her being with me. It has to happen and I have to act fast because I don't like the way my male colleagues are looking at her. Especially the ones who are close to her age like Theory, Carmello and Waller.
They looked like hyenas staring at the prey. But one thing about hyenas, they get the stuff that's left from the lion.
And I'm gonna make sure there is no stuff left for them.
I approached Sophia with the intention of taking her away from here.
"Soph, private jet is ready to take off." I didn't lie, though. After a show I take off immediately.
A 5-hour flight is upon us.
Sophia looked at me and nodded her head.
"Okay. I just have to grab my things." she said bye to everyone and headed to the locker room.
The three men were giving me strange looks and I just crossed my arms, stared a hole through them and headed to the room.
I think I just made my statement in front of the colleagues.
I knocked on the door and I heard a "Come in" from Sophia.
The second I got in the room, she looked puzzled.
"Since when do you knock? This is your room." she said.
"I thought you might be dressing up." I scratched my neck and she chuckled.
"Weren't you offering me help with the dress up before the show? Why you act so nervous now?"
Touchè.
"You said it alone. I offered you some help, so you could dress up faster." I gave the most dumb explanation ever and she squinted her eyes.
"Do you think that it would be faster?" Sophia looked at me with a note of scepticism.
"No." I just gave up and looked down. "Not at all."
After a few seconds I glanced at her and she looked very proud, trying to surpress a laugh of victory.
"Is this funny to you?" I managed to ask in a chill tone.
I put my hair into a bun and then went to the couch to grab my backpack.
"Kinda, not gonna lie." she said as she put on her beige fur coat on and reached to grab her little suitcase but I stopped her and did it for her.
"Thanks" she said softly.
As we went to the plane and all four of us took our places, I saw Sophia loosing her bun and her beautiful long, blonde hair fell on her back like dominoes.
It looks so soft. Must be nice running your fingers through it.
She started fixing it a bit.
This view looks like those slow-mo movie scenes where there is a pretty woman doing the most normal thing and a guy who drools over her.
I am the guy.
I caught her suddenly looking at my side since she is at my left on the other part of the plane. This caused me to react quickly and turning my head at my front.
"What are you looking at?" she giggled.
"I think there is a spot on your window." I immediately lied and I know she knows I am.
Sophia took a look at the window next to her.
"I don't see anything." she said and then pulled a book from her little suitcase. "You should probably see a doctor."
"What are you implying, miss?" I furrowed my eyebrows from offence.
"That you might need glasses." she replied innocently. "They would look good on you, actually."
It's the way I was ready to drop a little scold session on her but the last sentence really got under my skin and I tried to surpress the down bad giggle that was about to come out.
"You think so?"
"Yeah." she replied certainly. "You are probably gonna look like a professor. Professor during the day and wrestler during the night." she said in a dramatic narrative tone and started laughing and I followed her too.
However, I started thinking.
Would she like me if I was her professor?
Has she liked any of her professors?
Or older men in general.
"I don't think a professor with my looks exists." I spoke confidently.
"I don't know but there was this one Media Law professor." she shook her head, closed her eyes and pressed her lips.
WHAT?!
"What about him?" I asked in a super cool tone meanwhile I could feel burning inside.
So she has crushed on older men before.
"Nothing." she just replied and then it hit her what impression she might have left and suddenly became uneasy. "Nothing happened cause I am all about business since day 1."
"But if you had the opportunity?" I raised my eyebrows and she stared at me in distress, her teeth on her lower lips wishing it was mine teeth instead.
"I don't know. Forget it." she turned around and opened the book.
No, Sophia. I am not gonna forget it.
I need to know.
Sophia's POV:
I hope this will leave him wondering.
But yes, clearly I have crushed on some elder men before but never been in a relationship with one.
"What are you reading?" Roman continued asking me questions.
"'Goddesses in every woman'. It's from 1984." I stated.
"A year before I was born." my jaw dropped pretending to be surprised.
"So you are 1985?"
"Yup." he confirmed.
"I thought you were younger." I still acted shocked.
I saw how Roman fumbled from my comment. He can't really hide it.
"Stop." he waved his hand.
"It's true. Your skin is amazing and with a little beard dye you might look like my peer." I continued testing him and he looked as if he is gonna melt any second.
"I mean what can I say?" he bit his lip and shrugged. "A beard dye?" his expression changed suddenly as if he is still digesting what I said.
"That's just a suggestion." I shrugged and he started touching his beard.
"It's kinda long, too. I have to book an appointment for the barber." he concluded and I started giggling.
The girls are right. Maybe he likes me for real.
"How often do you go?" I asked.
"Every two weeks cause I also have to fix the hair and stuff." he pointed at his side hair that is kinda starting to grow already.
"Your hair is amazing." I complimented him yet again and I swear I saw a little blush on his cheeks.
"Not as yours though." he laughed and looked down. "Is this how you ask your uncle for money?"
"Never needed to ask him. He just gives it to me." I flipped my hair.
"Valid." he slightly tilted his head and started thinking something.
"Do you have nephews?" I crossed my legs.
"I have 4 siblings. Each of them have two kids. Do the math yourself." what I notice about him is he moves his hand a lot while talking and explaining things.
That hand looks big as hell, though. It would cover my face twice.
"That's so cute." I slightly pouted. "I would never be an aunt since I am an only child." this is like one of my weak subjects.
"Well, you can be if you marry a man with a lot of siblings...like me." he added the last part quickly and chuckled slightly.
I followed him and did the same.
"Guess I have to put that in my future husband requirements list." I shook my head.
"Have you ever met a man that completes all of these requirements?" I knew he would ask this. I iust knew.
What I'm hoping for is I don't get the 'What's your type' question cause we've all been there.
I showed him my hands.
"Do you see a ring on these fingers?" I asked rhetorically and he laughed softly.
For a man of his size, his laugh is very soft, comforting even.
"You are still so young, you have time." he reassured me. "As an elder, I would advise you to really choose wisely. I know you probably got this a lot, I know it's clichè but it's true."
I nodded my head.
"It's just I'm 26, soon to be 27. Most of my friends and acquaintances are married or engaged, some of them are expecting kids and here I am fresh after ended relationship." I said my life story in a nutshell.
It's really not funny. I still hang out with my friends from college and high school but it turns out I am the only one that's focused on her career at the moment.
I thought Robert was the one for me but the second we started living together, it just didn't work at all.
"I am freshly after ended marriage and look at me." Roman just shrugged as if it's nothing. "See my cousins, my siblings they all have kids except for me."
"You are divorced?" I acted shocked once again.
"Yup." he did one of these deep breathing outs men usually do and leaned back on his seat.
"And how you deal with it?" I managed to ask the question now that we are in the topic.
"Better than most people, honestly. The whole process was just scarily smooth. Maybe because it was a mutual feeling." Roman pressed his lips and slightly nodded his head.
"That's very important, yes." I stated. "But you probably wouldn't wanna marry again."
"Wrong. Why wouldn't I? The fact that I didn't make a right decision once doesn't mean I won't try again. I want to have kids, Sophia." he seemed pretty determined.
I like the way he thinks actually. Most people like him just give up but he seems certain he won't. I mean let's be real. There are millions of women dying to marry him, so he will really be okay.
"I wanna have kids, too one day." I sighed. "But I have to find the right father."
There was a loud snore coming from behind. It startled me and Roman causing us to turn back.
It was from Jimmy. Him and Solo have been in a deep sleep ever since we got on that plane.
"Quiet, big Jim." Roman playfully scolded him and then looked at me. "He won't hear me."
"They have earbuds." I mumbled as I looked at them.
"Usually after a show if we have a long flight with the jet or ride with the bus, we fall asleep immediately." he explained to me.
"Then why are you not sleeping now?" I called him out.
"Cause I wanna talk to you. Get to know you. You are my Wise Woman." he pulled out the defending tone. "We are a team now."
I smiled at him and looked away.
"Valid." I managed to say while trying to calm myself down and took my book but he suddenly got up to the little bar amd opened the fridge that was underneath it.
"You want some glass of wine?" he pulled out a bottle of wine. Cabernet Sauvignon to be exact.
Of course he would buy the expensive stuff.
"You and your obsession with giving me drinks." I squinted my eyes at him.
He just laughed out loud and opened the bottle with the corkscrew pretty smoothly then pulled two wine glasses from the cupboard next to the fridge.
"It was your big night. I think we deserve a lil' celebration." he turned his back in order to sip the drinks.
"Okay, but just one glass." I said with my index finger up, pointing one.
"Alright. Whatever works for you." he took the glasses and came to me to give me one. Roman was towering over me and I was staring at him with doe eyes.
The way he makes me feel so small and soft and feminine. I know this is how you are supposed to feel around men but nowadays, it's rare to get this effect.
I was about to thank him but he beat me to it.
"As I see you don't trust yourself when you are drunk." he commented and my jaw almost went to the floor.
"Maybe I don't trust the people I am drinking with. Thank you so much." I said with aggressive tone while grabbing the glass.
Now Roman seemed like he was offended.
"Are you saying that I'm not a trustworthy man?" he is kinda cute when he gets offended because his whole face wrinkles and you can barely see his eyes.
He is so funny.
"I am not saying anything. Just that as a woman, I have to be careful always. Thinking two steps ahead of everybody. A lot of men have been trying to get me drunk and sleep with me but..." I shook my head.
"I understand but you should also understand that I am not like your peers. I know how to impress a woman without using alcohol." he spoke confidently and licked his lips while looking at me straight in the eyes.
Okay, Roman. Okay.
He knows how to talk too. I mean are we surprised? It's what Geminis do best.
I raised my eyebrows and pressed my lips, plotting my next repsonse.
"I'm sure you do." I said and he flashed his pearl smile at me.
"Cheers." he lowered his glass near mine so they could cling.
We made an intense eye contact as we drank from our beverages.
He is a charming man, indeed.
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aplaceinthedark · 3 days ago
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chapter 4: SOUL on my SLEEVE
Summary: The Appalachian Mountains hide numerous monsters, and it's up to Taylor and the Bad Omens to prevent them from causing any harm.
Word Count: 2.2k+
CW: Supernatural themes, one misgender, angst as in the cute couple argues, brief suggestion of sexual assault
Banner: @saradika-graphics
A/N: Sorry this one is so short. I got tired of looking at it.
This is RPF, and thus will contain real people, but names and events will be changed. If this bothers you too much, then please leave this temple without causing harm.
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NICHOLAS
A FEW DAYS AGO
The past few days, he had been searching through the translated hex books to see if there was anything to be done about the Pale Things, or to prevent whatever might come lurking next. Unfortunately, the ones he had translated had mostly been about various methods of scrying or folklore-y ways to cure basic ailments. So he had to start working on the ones that still needed to be translated.
And then he wished he hadn't.
Nicholas did the first thing he could think of. Noah, we need to talk, he projected into the forest.
WHATEVER IT IS, I DIDN'T DO IT.
Nicholas let out a weary sigh, knowing that it would still transfer into Noah's mind. It's not about you for once–
WOW, RUDE.
Do NOT interrupt me. It's about what's causing the disturbances.
There was a moment of silence, in which Nicholas thought to prod, before he got a reply:
BE THERE IN A FEW.
It was more like a minute later when Nicholas heard the tell-tale creaking wood sound of Noah converting into human form, then the sound of him hurriedly walking to the door and opening it. Nicholas looked up just as he heard the clatter of antlers knocking against the doorframe; Noah reeled back and bit out the words, “Ow, fuck!”
“Watch the door,” Nicholas said flatly.
“Every time!” Noah swore once more, ducking his head as he entered. “What’s up?”
Nicholas sighed. “You’re not gonna like the answer.”
“I figured that out already. What did you find?”
Nicholas pointed to the two notebooks on the table in front of him: Granny’s hex book and his translation notes. “Since there’s no nice way to say it, I’m just gonna come out with it. The Stag was sacrificing people for a good reason.”
Those words had the effect he had anticipated on Noah. “What's that supposed to mean?” he growled, eyes nearly turning black.
“The forest needed something to keep it quiet, and the Stag gave it blood: your guys’ blood,” Nicholas explained. “When you took over, you didn't kill anybody ever since we… destroyed the cult. Nothing has been given to the forest, and now the darkness in it is waking up.”
Nicholas watched Noah's face slowly fall. After a few moments, Noah looked back up and quietly pleaded, “There's gotta be another way.”
“I… think I might've found one, but it's a lot more complicated,” Nicholas said.
“More complicated than killing someone?” Noah asked.
“Well…” Nicholas trailed off, then flipped through another hex book to a marked page. “Granny's great-grandmother once was a part of a ritual that was dedicated to the Green King–”
“Another form of the Watcher,” Noah said.
“Yeah, when they worshipped him before they found out the Watcher was in the form of the Black Stag,” Nicholas confirmed. The Watcher of the Woods had many faces in which different groups believed in, but it had been the Black Stag that had held dominion over the Woods for millennia.
And it was the Towering Man who now held the title.
“Alright.”
“Well, she uh… she went with a guy and they… Well, they fucked,” Nicholas said.
The blank face on Noah's was almost comical. “Okay?” he said. "How is that more complicated?"
“Because that guy, who I think might be my great-great-great grandfather, stood in for the Watcher. We don't really need a stand-in when we have the Watcher in a human form.” Nicholas motioned up and down.
“Yeah, well, you're gonna have to find a stand-in, cause no one is gonna want to go near a guy with these things growing out of his skull,” Noah bit out, pointing at the antlers that were nearly at their fully grown point.
“I said it was gonna be complicated," Nicholas said. “And believe me, I would love to fuck Taylor out in the Holler, but I can’t channel you when you're... out there.”
There was a beat of silence, before a diabolical thought popped into Nicholas' head. His eyes snapped up to Noah's at the same time Noah's eyes snapped to his; maybe Noah read his mind, or maybe he came to the same conclusion.
“There is no way–” Noah started.
“They already know about what you are!” Nicholas argued back.
“There's no way they would agree to it!” Noah snapped. “Are you listening to yourself, dude? You're talking about someone else fucking your girlfriend!”
“Partner!”
“Whatever! Just because they have the parts, doesn't mean it'll work!" Noah sucked in a breath. “Find something else. I'm not doing that.”
“And if I don't? It could take ages to go through the rest of the hex books. And we don't have that kind of time.”
Nicholas could almost see the war going on behind Noah's eyes. Nicholas didn't want Taylor to do this either, but if they had no choice? Either Noah kill as innocent person or fucking his best friend's partner?
Noah would have to swallow his pride.
But would Taylor?
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TAYLOR
PRESENT DAY
You could hear a pin drop, or a book in my case, as the hex book slipped from my suddenly numb fingers. I caught Noah’s eyes following it. “What– Why me?!” I shouted.
“Told you they wouldn’t take it well,” Noah sighed.
My head whipped around to Nick, who visibly winced. “You thought of this?” I asked incredulously. “What?!”
“Taylor, it was the only thing I could come up with,” Nick said in a rush. He was slowly rising out of his chair, hands out like he was trying not to spook a wild animal. “You said it yourself; the other options were to hope someone would have sex with him, or he killed someone innocent.”
“So what, I’m the lesser evil? If I don’t do this, things will get worse?”
“Pale Things were just the start,” Noah said matter-of-factly. “If we don’t figure something out, other things will start coming back. Things like Folio or Jolly.”
Whatever the Thing that I saw in the library's parking lot came to mind. “But… you’re suggesting I… have sex with…” I trailed off, looking back at Noah.
Nick opened his mouth, but Noah cut him off. “What, am I so bad that you'd rather the evil come out of the Woods and attack people?” His upper lip twitched into a snarl as he pushed himself off the counter and rose to his full human height. The tallest points of his antlers nearly touched the ceiling.
“Noah.” I could hear the warning in Nick’s voice.
“No, I want to hear why they won't do it,” Noah snapped. “What’s your excuse?”
There was a moment of silence as I tried to register if he was serious or not. I sputtered out, “Well, isn't it obvious?!” Noah raised an eyebrow, and I realized that I'd have to spell it out for him. “Because I'm not in a relationship with you!”
“Semantics,” Noah scoffed. “The Woods don't care. Nick doesn't care either.”
“Dude, I do care. I care about Taylor, and I'm not gonna force them to do something they don't want to do,” Nick stated. He took his hair tie out, letting his long dark locks tumble down over his shoulders.
He then turned to me. “Believe me, if there was some other way, I wouldn't have suggested it. But we're running out of time.”
“When? The solstice?” I asked. It was less than two months away, but at least I would have two months to find another way.
Noah shook his head, but it was Nick who spoke. “Too long. We have to hurry this along, and this kind of ritual would need May powers.”
“B-but like, late May… right?” I asked, failing to keep the uneasiness out of my voice.
“The next Day of Power is May Day, the halfway point between the spring equinox and the summer solstice,” Nick said, grimacing. “Which is May First.”
I quickly looked over at the kitchen calendar. May First was next Wednesday. Less than a week away.
“You could've given me a warning!” I said through gritted teeth.
“We wanted to find another way, Taylor!” Nick shouted exasperatedly, sending the cats scurrying for the bedroom. His patience was snapping. “I didn't want to pressure you into doing this! But unless you have a better idea, this is all we got!”
I didn't have a better idea, and with two pairs of eyes on me, I could barely breathe, let alone think. I needed out.
“I need some air,” I said more to myself than the guys. I turned away from them to grab a jacket.
“Taylor, wait–” Nick started to say something, but I had purposefully walked past him and Noah to the back door to the back porch.
Currently, the back porch has been settled for an outdoor storage area. Empty plant pots dotted the space, some holding down a kiddie pool to keep it from blowing away. Pretty soon they would be filled with various ferns or flowers for Nicholas to grow, kept separate from the garden we had already plotted out.
Normally, I would sit at the glass table in one of the lawn chairs we had acquired, but various tools and smaller pots sat in them. And I was too frazzled to deal with the hammock. So instead I sat down on the steps that led down to the backyard. My toes curled as I hunched over, still cold and now slightly damp. At least the rain had stopped.
My mind was buzzing loudly. I had to have sex with Noah; someone who I would call a petulant little brother on a good day. The fact that Nick was actually encouraging it made it feel harder to comprehend.
I had never cheated on anyone. I had strong feelings about anyone who cheated on their partner. My first girlfriend had cheated on her boyfriend with me for several months, and I hadn't known until she broke up with me. Ever since then, I swore that I would never cause that kind of heartbreak.
But was this considered cheating?
“Hey.”
I looked up to see Noah's tall form looming over me. “What?” I asked flatly, not showing the whirlwind of emotions that was going on inside of me.
“You've been out here too long, and it's after dark. Nick got worried,” he stated. He then folded himself down next to me. The wood steps groaned under our combined weight.
“So why didn't he come out here instead?” I asked. Instead of looking up into his face, I focused on the intricate lines of green and black ink on his left arm. Over the winter, I had found the runes and images twisted within: a wolf howling at the moon, a fish jumping out of a river, an owl mid-flight. All tied together by Celtic knots and symbols of binding and power. It all ended at his wrist; the back of his hand was clear, unlike his right hand.
“Because he thinks you hate him and don't want to see his face right now,” Noah said.
“I don't hate him,” I muttered, turning away from him and resting my chin on my knees.
“You know, I didn't want to do this either.”
I looked up then. “Mainly because the thought of fuckng my best friend’s partner made my skin crawl. But I got over it, cause it was that, or kill somebody. Or the third, more horrible option.”
“What–”
“Also, this is gonna be hard for me, too, you know?” He said.
“Cause it's me? The bane of your existence?”
“No,” he scoffed, annoyed. “Because it's been more than five years since I've even had sex, and the last girl I had sex with stabbed me later that night.”
Elin… I had completely forgotten about her. No one liked to talk about her, so the only thing I knew about her was that she lied and told everyone that Noah ran away, and she was killed by him in revenge.
“I feel like my feelings are invalid,” I said.
“You've got five days to talk to Nick about this. I'm sure you two will figure something out.”
“You seem really sure for someone who was upset at me back in the house.”
“Because I thought it was something stupid like you thought I was ugly,” Noah said, “or some shit like that.”
I elbowed him in the arm, making him snort out a chuckle. He then grabbed the hood of my jacket as he stood up. “Come on. It's late and I don't wanna have to babysit you all night out here.”
Noah didn't follow me into the house, instead waiting outside the back door until I locked it. The inside of the house was dark. I managed to feel my way through the laundry room and into the kitchen, but I could easily tell that Nick wasn't in the living room. I tiptoed down the hall and into the main bedroom, where the shape of him rested under the blanket on his side of the bed.
I silently changed into pajamas before sliding under the covers to curl around Nick's warmth. As I wrapped my arms around him, my bare hands settled on his tummy, and the cold alerted him into wakefulness. “Tay?” he groggily asked, sounding as if he'd been asleep for hours.
“I love you, Nick,” I said over his shoulder. I felt his hand wrap around mine, and he gave them a small squeeze.
“I know,” he said before settling back into my embrace. I kissed his shoulder and tightened my hold on him, like I would never let him go.
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tysm for reading! If you enjoyed this, please reblog to share the word of the Revered Father. Next chapter coming soon.
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grison-in-space · 3 days ago
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The best fucking thing is that there's this gigantic fucking pipeline of young PhD students who see NSF broader impact statements and get super into public outreach, including often
And there just isn't any funding. Or there's no grant program. Or there's no job for entry level scicomm writing. Because private media doesn't think, bluntly, that educational programming is worth a damn on a battleground drawn for and by entertainment; because media has reorganized, because everyone pivoted to video, because no one pivoted to video.
People agree that this job is crucial, so crucial that the NSF makes people submit pitches about how they're going to help fix the problem every time they submit a proposal to study paper wasps or stars or peculiar rocks. They train everyone who wants a PhD to do or at least half ass it, even if there will never be enough academic jobs for all the PhDs minted.
and then we almost never fucking publicly fund a one of them ever again and they get to compete for funding based on compelling audiences or bigger outfits to pay same as any other young starry eyed entertainer because some fucking asshole thought it would be nice to gut the Public Broadcasting Service and privatize the National Public Radio and completely ignore all the goddamn reasons that it makes sense to have government employees engaged in spreading factual information to a the public for the common good.
We had an apparatus for this shit and we gutted it and sold it for profit, and now we're mad that the profit driven version is more concerned with the corporate shareholders than the common good. And every fucking time I tell someone that the money at the NSF earmarked for broader impacts (lol there is no money) would be better spent funding and sheltering professional public educators instead of research scientists haphazardly putting on a fifth job in between the other four, only one of which is really reckoned to be worth anything, they look at me like I've had some sort of genius insight. We have so many talented, educated people desperate to be doing this job. It's just that we have no mechanism to pay them as public educators, because we have not decided to fund these things as a matter of adult education.
Does communication matter? Pay for people who can do it. Set funds aside for specialists. Ask how much you'd need to pay for someone to settle into the position as a stable job you could have a kid on. If it matters, devote people to doing it and money to pay them. As it is, it often feels like a pit trap that serves to weed out diverse students—most likely to feel called to community outreach, in my experience, as they straddle key understanding gaps between home and discipline—before they can ever get too close to one of the choke points where people consider whether to stay in research academia at all.
I have been saying this by the way since 2013 when I was a baby PhD student. I don't like thinking about how many people have stared at me for saying this like I had invented a totally new way to understand human organs. If the job matters, pay someone the dedicated time to take it seriously. If it doesn't, there's your answer.
Actually, (Biden HHS secretary) Xavier Beccera, going toe-to-toe with social media WAS your job. And you were bad at it.
“I can’t go toe to toe with social media,” Becerra said in a wide-ranging interview Wednesday, arguing that even a Cabinet secretary can be hemmed in. As examples, Becerra cited the lawsuits the Biden administration faced after urging social media companies to take down posts the White House considered disinformation. And he noted that officials can’t formally disclose many details about negotiations to lower prescription drug prices. “I don’t get to write whatever I want,” he said. The health secretary never mentioned Robert F. Kennedy Jr., but the longtime anti-vaccine activist’s shadow hung over Becerra’s answers. President-elect Donald Trump’s pick to run HHS has relentlessly criticized the agencies he soon may lead, amplified false claims about vaccines and offered alternatives to what he called government misinformation. Now, Kennedy, who has said he is not anti-vaccine, could occupy the office where Becerra was giving his exit interview.
Okay, I hear what he's saying, but here's something I've been saying since the first days of the last plague:
Effective public science education is a core part of the job of public health.
As soon as it became obvious that nobody in public health was doing public communication at all well, I started asking around. There's a first-rate college of Public Health just up the road from me; how many semesters of communication do they require to graduate with a masters degree in public health?
One. At the college sophomore level.
Yikes.
Y'know, my ex-wife was a technical writer, entered the field just as they were switching from hiring male engineers to female english majors, specifically because they found out that it was easier to teach engineering to english graduates than it was to teach engineers how to write coherently.
Public health administrators and staff don't need to be first-rate epidemiologists. They need to know enough about epidemiologists to understand what they're being told by the people in the actual contagious-disease labs and by the statisticians. What they do need to be is first-rate communicators. And they're just not. All the first-rate (and even more of the second-rate) communicators are on the anti-public-health side. May god have mercy on our souls, though mercy merit we none, because as a society we gotta fix this.
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uncanny-tranny · 1 year ago
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If you mess with somebody's mobility/life-preserving aid and all you got was yelled at by the disabled person in question, just know you got off easy. Fucking with somebody's aid can easily become a matter of life-or-death, so you have to understand why somebody would "lash out" about that.
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sheliesshattered · 1 month ago
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All eleven pieces of my Yule dress cut out and ready for sewing!
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And the swiffer-type dust cloth I used to wipe down all the velvet fuzzies after cutting out each piece. Despite my best efforts there's still velvet lint everywhere, and probably will be until this project is done, lol.
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#my sewing#velvet Yule dress#2024 mood#fwiw the sleeves are laid on top of the skirt -- but upside down with the shoulder near the end of the skirt#and I _still_ can't see any difference in the nap on this velvet#I might have been able to squeeze the pieces in slightly tighter if I was really confident about the no-nap situation#but even cutting everything with the same end of the fabric as the 'up' I still ended up with a nice buffer of left over fabric#just long enough to re-cut a piece or two if I really needed to. but thankfully I don't think I'll have to#there were a couple of little marks on the velvet from where I hung the fabric while it was wet after I handwashed it#I managed to avoid cutting a piece directly on top of any of them -- or so I thought#then I found a little round marred spot right below the waist on one side-front panel#pretty visible and the sort of thing I would notice all the time even if no one else would#so I thought about re-cutting that panel and checked to make sure I had enough fabric#but then I thought: why not at least try to iron out that spot before trashing the whole panel?#since it's already been washed the key is getting it wet again and then ironing it on a velvet board with zero pressure just heat and steam#so I used a little spray bottle to put water just right where the spot was (spraying on the back) and then steamed it dry with my iron#with the fabric face-down on the velvet board. by the time the water was all steamed off the spot was completely gone!#so thankfully I don't have to re-cut anything. which means that I have enough left over for another small project or two later on#next step on this project will be doing a little stay-stitch ~1/8'' in from the edge of the fabric#and then I can start pinning pieces together and sewing the long princess seams#I am so excited to make this pile of fabric into an actual dress! :D
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starpros-sunshine · 10 months ago
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I exist in this weird personality limbo where i somehow have so little sense of an individual self that that over time warped into. whatever this is. I have something going on here i'm sure but I am 99% sure that it's either indescribable or just very difficult to define beyond "Nice with an interesting sense of humour"
#talked to someone today and all I could think about after was how off that felt#the whole experience I mean#not the person I like the person#I was meant to sit alone in a room and do my own thing honestly that's what life keeps signaling to me#but I like being with people is the issue I enjoy being out and about it's a change of something it feels like the normal thing to do#i mean what normal teens get up to and all that it doesn't feel very normal to me but you understand#I enjoy doing stuff i can talk about afterwards is all I mean#but at the same time it's very...like...I know if I behaved off protocol right now you would not enjoy me#I have nothing of relevance to say I have a lot of half-knowledge nobody can actually do anything with#I'm a little dull but it works for me so i don't mind#but on protocol is literally just basic curtesy rules and polite behaviour thats. well. nice.#people say they enjoy talking to me but I dont think a lot of them really do i think they just think I'm pleasant company because I'm polit#and don't really have a set opinion#but again it works for me#I do wonder sometimes if people can sense that#that I'm not all there I mean#i wouldn't want to seem like I don't care I do kind of I don't like the thought of getting very attached to people but it's nice#to have something like friends I mean#or rather people you get along with very well#It's just a bit of a strange experience is all#boy I'm going way out of my comfort zone here with the introspection sebastian sir since when were we so willing to self reflect#that sounds wrong it's not like i have a problem with that#ahhh I need to do my art thing....#sigh the deadline is tomorrow and I am not done yet it's 11pm and -i have to get out early tomorrow#I just want to sleep#and then sleep in. let me have my twelve hours of cozy in bed time :/
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demonpiratehuntress · 2 months ago
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they make you cry
featuring - Zoro x F!Reader, Ace x F!Reader, Kaku x F!Reader, Law x F!Reader, Luffy x F!Reader, Sanji x F!Reader, Usopp x F!Reader
summary - sometimes you just can't handle the things they say/do
warnings - angst, fluff, hurt/comfort
taglist - @kabloswrld
a/n - this took forever to write, and I'm sorry! had to fight my writer's block real hard to get this out ☠️ some of them seem rushed and im sorry about that too!
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ZORO
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Zoro could be mean, you knew this when you started dating him. He didn't mince his words, nor did he sugarcoat anything. Especially when he was angry, that's when he could be the cruelest. You just never expected to be on the receiving end of that cruelty.
You were just trying to help, honestly. You thought it might be a nice gesture if you wiped his swords clean for him while he napped, and you thought he'd appreciate it. But the moment you dropped them while putting them back and woke him up, it was like something had possessed him.
"What the hell are you doing?" He demanded, sitting up and looking at you, his eyes hard.
"I'm sorry, I just wanted to clean them for you," you tried explaining yourself, hoping he wouldn't be too angry. Hoping he would calm down and stop looking at you like that.
"Why would you think that?" He scoffed. "I clean them myself, there's no need for you to do it. There's no need for you touch them at all, actually."
"I'm sorry," you apologised again, shrinking away and feeling hurt by his tone already.
"Just don't do it again," he snapped, "You don't know anything about swords. It wouldn't be such a problem if you were more like me and less like you."
"Less like me?" The tears filled your eyes before you could stop them. "What does that mean?"
"Nothing, just go away and let me nap."
And go away you did. You left his room with your eyes almost overflowing, hand covering your mouth to stifle the sob that was about to come out. You didn't understand what brought that on, why he had been so mean to you.
"(Name), wait-"
You ran off the moment his door opened again, trying to put as much distance between him and yourself as possible. You were hurt, so incredibly hurt, that you barely made it to your room before you broke down in tears, burying your face in your hands. You tried to calm down, you did, but his unprovoked verbal attack struck you right where it hurt the most, your heart. You didn't understand what he meant by "less like you", and you didn't think you wanted to. It was insult enough already.
A knock on your door startled you, and you quickly wiped your face to try and get rid of the tears but your eyes were still red and puffy. Which was immediately noticed by the swordsman when you opened the door, and he frowned.
"Were you crying?"
"What do you want?" You asked him, sniffing. "Did you come to insult me more? Maybe tell me again to stay away from your precious swords? Save it."
"I'm sorry," he interjected, taking you by surprise. He shifted nervously, not really knowing how to apologise but wanting to try because you meant more to him than he could ever say and he hated that he'd hurt you.
"Is that it?" You scoffed, about to close the door.
"No, no wait!" He stopped you, swallowing thickly and looking at the floor. "You know I'm not good with apologies. But I mean it when I say I'm sorry for what I said. You were just trying to do something nice for me and I snapped at you because I was in a mood. The stupid cook annoyed me earlier and I...didn't mean to take it out on you."
You crossed your arms, trying to look mad but you only looked sad and it tugged at Zoro's heartstrings, "Okay."
His expression softened, and when you allowed him he pulled you into his arms and hugged you, trying to show how sorry he was through his actions since he couldn't say it. He rubbed your back soothingly, pressing a gentle and apologetic kiss to the top of your head.
"But if you speak to me like that again, I'm throwing your swords into the ocean."
He chuckled, "Deal."
He spent the next few days making it up to you in various ways, either buying you a special gift from any island you stopped by, or hugging/cuddling you a little longer than usual, or teaching you some moves with his swords to prove he trusted you with them. Eventually, when his overbearing affection started worrying the crew, you had to forgive him.
ACE
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The crew was celebrating a big win. Stopping by a nearby island, majority of the crewmembers could be found in bars and taverns, drinking their weight in alcohol. You were amongst them, not drinking as much but joining the merriment regardless. You smiled at the antics of your crewmates, who were trying to drunkenly flirt with woman around the room.
Your smile vanished the moment your eyes settled on your boyfriend, who was busy entertaining a crowd of younger women with the tale of your victory.
Now normally that isn't a cause for upset with you, but he tended to get a little overfriendly and even though you've spoken to him about it many, many times, he hasn't made an effort to stop his flirting - even if he didn't see it as flirting, those women certainly did. And that was the problem, he always let them think that and allowed them to get handsy with him.
You rolled your eyes, downing your drink so you could get out of here. When you lowered your pint again, the sight of one of their hands on his arm made you sick. Usually you would get angry and storm over there and break up the party, but today the sight brought tears to your eyes. It hurt you that he always did this, even when you'd asked him not to.
"(Name), where you going?" One of your crewmates asked you when they noticed you getting up. "It's still early!"
You forced a smile, trying to hide your glassy eyes, "I, uh-"
"(Name)!" Ace called you cheerfully, waving you over, "Come here!"
You frowned, then shook your head before turning and leaving the bar, letting the tears fall now that you were out of sight from the rest of the crew. Your vision blurred on the way back to the ship, but you somehow managed to get there without hurting yourself and broke down into quiet sobs as you sat on your bed and buried your face in your hands.
Sometimes it felt like you weren't enough for him, whether it was physically or emotionally. He could make you feel like the worst lover sometimes, like you couldn't give him what he wanted, even if he didn't mean to. You knew he had commitment issues, but you thought your relationship was getting more serious at this point.
"(Name)!" Ace burst into the room, looking worried. "Hey, why did you leave?"
You didn't answer, turning away from him and curling up into a foetal position facing the wall your bed was placed against. You couldn't look at him right now, not when the tears wouldn't stop.
"Baby?" He called again, the bed dipping beside you to indicate that he had sat down. "I know you're not asleep."
He reached out and gently touched your shoulder, urging you to turn around and face him. You sighed and shifted around, looking at him with a tear-stained face. His eyes instantly went wide and he flew into a panic.
"What happened? Did someone do something to you?"
"Ugh, stop it," you groaned, sitting up. "Don't pretend to care about me when you constantly do what I tell you hurts my feelings." Just mentioning it again brought the tears back, and you cursed.
He frowned when you said this, "But I wasn't flirting with them."
You gave him an exasperated look, "Do you ever realise that they consider it flirting? That they try to seduce you with all their little touches and stupid flirty smiles? No, you don't." You hastily wiped your eyes, now getting angry.
"I'm sorry-"
"No, Ace. You do this all the time. And it really, really hurts."
His expression softened, and he grabbed you and pulled you onto his lap with ease. No matter how mad you were at him, your body never fought his touch or embrace.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled into your hair. "I didn't realise they were trying to do that. I was so caught up in telling the story, especially the part where you took out all of those pirates, that I didn't see they weren't really interested. I'm sorry I'm so stupid."
The sincerity in his voice eased your mood, and you slowly stopped crying and pulled away to look at him, "Next time just ask me to come sit with you."
"I'll do better than that baby, I'll put you on my lap."
"You know that doesn't end well."
"On the contrary-"
You sighed and shook your head, unable to help the smile that formed on your lips. He really was an idiot, but he was your idiot and even if he did stupid things a lot of the time, you loved him very much.
KAKU
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You and Kaku hardly ever fought, because he was a very patient and very reasonable man. He never gave you any reason to be upset with him, because while he was a ruthless assassin, to you he was an absolute sweetheart. The only problem was that he sometimes left for long missions, and you were left worrying about him at home and not knowing what was going on because he was deep undercover that he couldn't even contact you.
Like now, where he was working undercover as a foreman in Water 7. You had asked him once again if you could come with, seeing as neither of you knew how long he'd be away this time. But he refused, gently reminding you that he didn't want to put you in any danger and that your house - so far off the grid absolutely no one knew about it - was the safest place for you. You had no other option but to agree.
After many, many months spent worrying about him and struggling to sleep not knowing what's going on, your boyfriend stumbled in through the front door one night absolutely destroyed. You'd come down with one of his swords in hand - one that he kept around the house for you - only to stop dead at the sight of Kaku standing there. Actually, standing was generous. He was barely keeping himself off the ground, tall frame hunched over and trembling.
"Oh my god, Kaku!" You dropped the blade and rushed to his side, laying one of his arms around your shoulders so you could at least help him to the couch. "What the hell happened?"
"It's a long story," he groaned, laying his head over the back of the couch and closing his eyes. "Short version - the Straw Hats."
You frowned at his brief response, going to fetch your first aid kit - you'd learned after the first few times he came home that you'd need one - and bringing it back to him.
"I think I deserve an explanation," you pressed, sitting beside him and starting to tend to his more obvious wounds. "You owe me that much."
"I don't want to talk about it," he grumbled. "I'm sorry."
You didn't respond, and he cracked an eye open to see why. When he noticed how your eyes had become glassy and your bottom lip was trembling but you were biting it hard to stop it, his expression softened.
"Oh, honey."
He gently took the first aid from you and set it aside before bringing you into his arms, wrapping them around you securely. He pressed gentle kisses to the top of your head, ignoring the pain as he held you against his chest.
"I'm sorry."
"This is the worst I've ever seen you," you managed to get out, your voice small and hurt. "I had no contact with you for the longest time since you started working for them, and then you come back looking like this..." You couldn't help it, the tears just kept falling no matter how hard you tried to stop them.
He held you tighter, then moved one hand up to wipe your tears away, "But I came back, didn't I? I'm here."
You knew he was trying to reassure you, but it was difficult to be reassured when he constantly did this to you. You looked at him sceptically.
"Why would I ever risk dying?" He questioned softly, cupping your cheek in his large hand. "I have you to come home to, I don't put myself in a situation I don't think I can come out of." He kissed the tip of your nose, to make you smile like it always did. "Besides, did you ever think that maybe I like having you play nurse for me?"
You managed a small smile, warmed by his words, "Oh you do, huh?"
"Mhm."
"I guess I can forgive you. On one condition."
"Anything, honey."
"I'm coming with you on your next assignment."
"...I don't have a choice, do I?"
"Nope."
He sighed, but planted a loving kiss on your forehead, "If it will ease your mind, then okay. But you have to let me make sure your cover is safe too."
"Deal."
LAW
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Law was a very complicated man, with a lot of baggage and trauma he liked to keep away from everyone else. He was reclusive, and he never quite expressed his emotions as healthily as he should. Most days you did your best to understand, to step back and be the more rational one. But sometimes his actions don't make sense, and he ends up hurting you a lot more than he thinks - or notices.
Take the last few days, for example. You two had grown quite close over the course of your relationship and he was now quite comfortable with you and showing you affection - although still privately. But ever since you'd met the Straw Hat crew and he'd been introduced to their smartest member, Robin, he'd been a lot more distant and a lot less affectionate. Like he was beginning to forget you existed.
You started to feel insecure about not being as intelligent as her and not having anything in common with your boyfriend. You'd never liked books, they paled in comparison to the adventures you embarked on on a daily basis. But now it had come back to haunt you, and in the worst way possible.
"Law, do you want to-"
"Not now, (Name)-ya," he didn't even look up from his work. "I'm just finishing some notes on something that Robin asked for."
"Oh, okay. Let me know when you're-"
"I will be heading to their ship shortly, she has a collection of books I would like to study."
"...Right. Okay."
You blinked back tears, knowing he would just get irritated with your emotional display. Turning away from him, you left the room to go get some air and maybe feel sorry for yourself. It did hurt, him immediately dismissing you for another woman, even if it wasn't romantic. He was spending less time with you, and more time with her.
"(Name)!"
Your face lit up, thinking Law had finally come to his senses. But when you turned around, you saw him making his way to the Thousand Sunny while Bepo was the one who had called out to you. And then you couldn't hold it back anymore; you burst into tears.
You usually didn't cry like this. You were good at keeping your emotions in check. It was a side-effect of being around the stoic captain so much - you'd learned how to control your own emotions. But right now, it was too much to bear and your insecurities and fears came crashing down around you, drowning you in sorrow.
"What's wrong??" Bepo asked worriedly, immediately pulling you into a hug. "Did something happen?"
"No," you hiccupped, "I mean, yes, but it doesn't matter."
Your eyes drifted to the deck of the Sunny, where Law was engaged in what looked like a meaningful conversation with the female devil fruit user. Sighing, you tried your best to wipe your eyes and gently pushed Bepo away.
"I'm okay, I just...I need to be alone."
As you walked off, Bepo followed your gaze and spotted the issue. He frowned, having also noticed that his captain had recently been preferring Robin's company over his own girlfriend.
"Captain!" The bear called, rushing over to Law and Robin.
"Not now, Bepo," Law dismissed him, returning his attention to the raven-haired woman.
"But something is wrong with (Name)!" Bepo protested, whoch was a half-lie, half-truth. There was something wrong, but it wasn't with you. He just knew Law wouldn't follow him back otherwise.
"What?" Law instantly felt worry start to fill him. "Where is she?"
"I don't know, I saw her just now, crying, and then she ran off."
Law frowned. He didn't like it when you cried. Not because it was irritating, but because he always got this weird, ugly feeling when you did. You should never have to cry, you should never have to feel pain. Instantly, he goes back to the Polar Tang but not to look for you. He just simply uses his devil fruit to get you back into his room, and when he does he feels guilty by the sight.
Your eyes are red and puffy and you're sniffing like you're sick, but you're not sick. You're avoiding his gaze and casting your eyes downward to the floor, unable to look at him. And you're hugging yourself.
"(Name)-ya," he calls, hoping to get you to look at him.
"I thought you were with Robin," you tell him quietly, the hurt evident in your small, vulnerable voice.
He frowns, "I was, but-"
"Then we don't need to talk about anything," you cut him off. "I'm fine, go bacl to your conversation." You can't help being a bit snippy, tired of crying and even more so of being sad.
"You have been crying," he argued, "That is my concern."
"Oh really?" You suddenly glared at him. "I didn't think you'd notice. But you didn't, did you? Bepo had to tell you, because you were so engrossed in your new girlfriend!" You scoffed, rubbing your face and getting up. "Leave me alone."
"No," Law blocked your path out of the room. "I want to talk about this. And...I want to apologise for hurting you." He paused awkwardly, never good with apologies. "I didn't mean to spend so much time with her and neglect you, I promise. I just kept losing track of time, and I got a little bit eager that someone else was interested in some of the same things I am."
"Yeah, I know," you mumbled, "I'm sorry I'm not that person. I'm sorry I'm not your ideal girlfriend." The tears started falling again, and the ache returned to Law's chest.
"That's not what I meant," he moved closer, "You are perfect just the way you are. I don't want you to be like me, I don't think I could date someone like me. I often wonder how you do it."
Your eyes widen at the vulnerable revelation, and that leads you to start listening to his sincere words and slowly calm down.
"If I neglect you like that again, please just tell me," he pleaded, taking your hands in his. "Don't suffer in silence, I don't like seeing how it's affected you. And I don't like being the reason you cry. So please, just talk to me when I hurt you. Pull me away from any conversation, throw my books, whatever. Just make sure I listen."
"Okay," you slowly smiled, nodding. "But you can't yell at me if I do."
He sighed, but felt relieved that he was forgiven, "I won't."
"Great. Now you owe me a lot of cuddles and even more kisses," you pout. "And double the amount of hugs."
"Done, done and done," he murmured as he leaned down to kiss you sweetly and gently.
LUFFY
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If Luffy hasn't upset you in some way, you'd be suspicious. His carefree nature was bound to anger or frustrate you in some way or the other, and his tendency to overexert himself in fights often ended with you concerned for his health in general. He's never made you cry, because if there's one thing Luffy can do well it's keep his promises.
Until he meets Boa Hancock.
And you get it. She's gorgeous, she's powerful, she's a queen. She's everything a woman should be, and you can't help but feel envious of the attention she gets from men. Luffy doesn't really care for her looks, which is a little comforting, however she found the way to his heart and every time you guys met her on the ocean she had the nerve to throw him a huge feast. And your beloved, naive boyfriend always thought she was just being nice and gorged himself on her food, missing the way she looked at him longingly and not understanding her flirtatious advances.
But you understood them very well.
But as mentioned before, she's a powerful person. Not just because she's a devil fruit user, but also because she's a Warlord. You knew you couldn't piss her off in any way, for the safety of the crew, but she had no such qualms. It seemed she knew that you hated how much she attended to Luffy, she knew how much you hated her advances and how Luffy always ate whatever she offered. And she abused her title, doing it on purpose because she knew there was nothing you could do.
Most of the time it was just frustrating beyond comparison. But slowly it ate away at you, and one particular meeting had you excusing yourself in an attempt to escape what seemed like a suffocating situation.
Boa was once again on your ship - it seemed like she purposely sought it out just to see your boyfriend, and she probably did. Luffy was enjoying yet another one of her feasts, and she was sat right beside him. Touching his arm and saying sweet things to him like he didn't already have a girlfriend. Batting her eyelashes at him and offering him sweet smiles that would knock the socks off any man other than Luffy. Once again, he didn't seem to notice how uncomfortable it made you, and you felt your eyes brim with tears.
Maybe he did notice and just didn't mind. Maybe he did notice and actually enjoyed her attention like everyone else did. Maybe you had him all wrong in this particular situation. He had spent a long time with her on her island, after all.
"Excuse me," you mumble to no one in particular, rising from your seat and swiftly exiting the room. It was like you couldn't breathe, your throat burning as the tears started falling faster and faster, until you could barely see.
You were sure he hasn't even noticed you were gone. He probably hadn't even seen you leave. And that thought had you clinging to your pillow harder as you screamed into it, hot angry tears rolling down your cheeks in unstoppable waves. You were so hurt and upset that you didn't notice your room door swing open and a certain captain barge in.
"(Name)?" Luffy called, sounding confused. "Are you okay?"
You felt your body bounce a little as the overeager captain jumped onto your bed, but in your stubbornness you refused to look at him and turned away instead.
"Go away, Luffy."
Luffy was not used to hearing those words from you. Nor was he used to hearing the sadness in your voice, the way it cracked halfway, and the miserable sniff that came afterwards. He was not used to seeing you like this, so sad.
"What's wrong?" He tugged on your shoulder, trying to get you to turn back around to face him. "Are you sick? Is your stomach sore?"
"No, Luffy!" You sat up and yelled in exasperation. "I'm tired! I'm so, so tired okay!" You rubbed your face and curled up, thighs pressed tightly to your chest. "I'm tired of my boyfriend letting some other woman fawn over him with no boundaries. I'm tired of watching my boyfriend be sweet-talked and flirted with by some other woman. And I can't do anything, because she's a Warlord!"
Luffy's eyes went wide, and then he burst out laughing, "Are you worried about Hammock?" The incorrect name almost had you smiling, but you managed to keep your face stoic. "(Name), I only want you. You know that right?"
"Yes," you sighed, "And I trust you, Luffy. It's just...you never stop her and sometimes it makes me feel like I'm not enough. Like she does more for you than I ever could." Your gaze fell. "Sometimes I think you actually like her."
Suddenly his arms were around you and he was squeezing you in the tightest hug he'd ever given.
"I don't like anyone the way I like you, (Name)," he promised. "ANd I never will. You are the only person who makes me feel like this, and you do enough for me already. You cook for me! I bet Hammock doesn't even make the food herself. If it came to choosing you or her, it would always be you."
Your cheeks burned when he said that, and slowly a smile formed on your lips, "That's really sweet, Luffy. Thank you. I needed to hear that."
He nuzzled his face against yours affectionately, "I will remind you as many times as you want!"
SANJI
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Sanji's most annoying habit tended to irritate you majority of the time, and every instance ended with you practically fuming and storming off after telling him off angrily. He would normally appease you with something sweet, or your favourite dish. In some extreme cases, both. But you never stayed mad at him, because he made it impossible for you to do so. You just never expected that one day the hurt would become too much for you to handle, and you'd react with sadness rather than fury.
The crew had been given the day off to explore another island. Everyone had split to do their own things, but the cook insisted on accompanying you because it was one of the rare times he got to spend alone with you for an entire day. So the two of you strolled through the vibrant town, enjoying the atmosphere and each other's presence.
That is, until Sanji forgot about your warning to not flirt with anyone on this island. He deemed it just being a gentleman, but you knew better than that.
When you caught him staring as your words faltered, you expected the usual bout of anger to flare within you. You were ready to tell him off again, a dozen insults coming to mind for that woman, when you felt a sharp pang in your chest instead. Your words caught in your throat, and a sorrow like nothing you'd ever experienced filled you.
Had he been staring the entire time you were talking to him? To make matters worse, he seemed to forget you were speaking and drifted over to the lady to compliment her dress.
You felt humiliated. No one here actually knew you two, but it was embarrassing that you couldn't even keep your lover's attention on you. Your cheeks burned, your throat along with them, and your eyes brimmed with tears. It was made worse when you glanced around at all the other couples, and found them happily clinging to each other and acting like they were the only two people in the world.
"What do you think, mon cherié?" Sanji's voice suddenly filled your ears. "Do you like it?"
You hastily wiped your eyes, trying to look like you did before, "Um, like what? Sorry, I wasn't listening..."
He didn't seem to notice the sadness in your tone or the forlorn expression on your face, he just barrelled on, "This pretty young woman's dress, what do you think of it?"
"A-are you serious?" You choked out, feeling the burning in your throat get worse.
"Yes! Doesn't it look nice?"
You couldn't take it anymore. You were hyperventilating at this point. Scared of being embarrassed further with your impending sobbing, you turned and sprinted as fast as you could away from the scene. He called after you, but you weren't listening.
He arrived at the ship at the same time you did, leaving you confused. You were about to push past him when he grabbed your waist, stopping you.
"Wait, my love, I'm sorry," he apologised, "Don't cry, please."
You smacked his hand away from your face, "No, don't. If you were really sorry, you'd stop flirting with every woman you see like I told you to! But no, you keep doing it." Your eyes watered again. "Do you have any idea what it's like? Seeing your own lover interested in someone else, not even listening to you?"
Sanji was speechless. He had no idea it affectef you this much, but he blamed himself for going on with it even when you told him not to.
"How would you feel if I flirted with every guy I saw?" You demanded.
"Oh no, please don't," he begged, heart sinking at the thought.
"But it's okay for you to do it?" You looked away, and his heart broke.
"I'm sorry," he apologised again, "I am, really. But I wasn't flirting with her, I promise! I was just asking where she got that dress because it looked so nice and I thought it would look good on you..."
Your eyes widened when you heard this, "Wait, what? Is that why you asked if I liked it?"
"Mhm," he smiled, "I wanted to get it for you if you did."
You were the speechless one now. All that time he had been thinking of you, and you'd gone and assumed the worst. Now you felt even more embarrassed, but for a totally different reason.
"Sanji, I-"
"No need to apologise, love," he immediately hugged you when it seemed like it was okay for him to. "I haven't exactly given you reasons to trust me not to flirt. But I promise, I am doing my best to not do it. I don't want to lose you."
He really was too cute to stay mad at, or even to stay sad about, and you ended up smiling and leaning in to kiss him.
"Fine, but do it again and I'm going to leave you for Zoro."
His face paled, "No no, mon cheriè, you can't be serious! Love, wait! Are you serious??" And he followed you to your room, begging you to tell him you were lying.
USOPP
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You were well aware that Usopp had had a romantic interest in a girl long before he met you. He would never tell you about her, but Nami and Luffy told you about her and what they knew about her relationship with Usopp. As far as you could tell, they had never done anything more than kiss once.
You felt like you were getting in the way of their relationship, and most days that thought just put you into an emotionless daze. You felt like you couldn't compare, because she seemed to be his first love. And as bad as this sounds, you started to feel like you were a relationship of convenience to him. Someone to keep him company while he longed for another.
"You know that's not true," Nami would reassure you when you confided in her. "He's not like that. He really loves you."
"I can tell he thinks about her sometimes," you argue, "And we don't know whether or not he imagines her in my place when we kiss or do anything remotely romantic. Who's to say he wouldn't go back to her if we somehow made it back to the East Blue?"
Nami couldn't give you the answer to that, and it hurt all the more. You tried not to let it get to you, you really did, but some days were worse than others. Some days you felt inferior, like you were not as pretty as she was, even though you'd never seen her. If he was so crazy about her to still be thinking about her months after he'd met you, he surely still loved her, right?
"Usopp, I have a question," Nami asked the sharpshooter one day.
"Uhhhh, no I did not borrow any money from you..." He replied nervously, eyes darting around the room.
The navigator's eyes narrowed, "We'll get to that later. Anyway, if we went back to the East Blue, what would you do? Would you want to rekindle your relationship with Kaya?"
Usopp's face paled, "What kind of question is that?!"
"Just answer!"
"I...I don't know!" He cried, then attempted to flee only to see you standing in the doorway, your eyes glistening. "(Name)-"
"I get it," you swallowed thickly, "She was your first love. I just wish you'd stop pretending like this relationship means anything to you." You turned and retreated to your room, locking the door and falling down against it, tears flowing freely.
You knew it was unfair. You knew he'd known her his whole life and you just a year. But you kind of hoped that since you'd actually developed what you thought was a meaningful, deep romantic relationship with him, he wouldn't have to think about it. You kind of hoped he would just choose you, simple as that. And you know it was unfair to him, and selfish of you. But you couldn't help it.
"(Name)!" The sharpshooter knocked on your door. "Please let me in!" He sounded panicked, like he did before you all went into a fight.
"Go away, Usopp," you yelled, but the pain in your voice was too clear for him to ignore.
Normally he would give up. He does that very easily. But when it comes to you he doesn't stop, and he never will. He hates leaving you on your own, especially when you're upset and even more so when he's the reason you're upset.
"Please, baby," he pleaded, "Let me explain! I never said I would! Please, just open up. Let's talk about this!"
"You can say what you want through the door," you told him, "Otherwise we don't talk at all." And yes, again this was unfair to him, but again you couldn't help it.
"I know what you must be thinking," he immediately started, "And you're wrong. Yes I used to love Kaya, and yes we almost had a relationship, but that was clearly not meant to be. Because I met you, and I fell in love with you, and I can't imagine loving anyone else now that I know what it feels like to love you." He paused for a moment, thinking of what else to say, and then, "You're the love of my life now, and I know that it will stay that way even if we were to somehow end up back in the East Blue. You are my girlfriend now, and I only ever want or think about you. Please believe me, it'll only ever be you."
Hearing all of this slowly calmed you down, and you didn't even notice when the tears stopped. His sincere, loving words hit you right where you needed them the most, and you stood up to open the door.
"You mean all that?"
"Yes," he looked like he was on the verge of tears himself. "Please don't break up with me."
"Oh, Usopp," you laughed and wiped your eyes, "I could never do that. Especially not after such sweet words. You're stuck with me."
"And hopefully always will be," he added, immediately hugging you and almost crushing your bones. "I'm so sorry (Name), I'm sorry I made you cry!" And then he actually started crying.
"Usopp..."
2K notes · View notes
niningtori · 3 months ago
Text
an iron man | oneshot
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pairing: choi beomgyu x you
summary: beomgyu has only ever known how to live function as a rental sexbot. he fucks whoever and whatever comes his way with a forced smile plastered on his face. that is, until you, a self-proclaimed trainwreck, come along.
genre: android!au, sexbot!au, angst, romance, fluff (more than i ever thought i could ever write i fear...), skippable smut at the very end (will be marked)
warnings: very brief and vague mentions of beomgyu being forced to engage in sexual acts he does not want with previous clients, skippable smut at the very end (will be marked)
smut warnings: unprotected sex, creampie, cockwarming, praise, dacryphilia, sub!gyu
word count: 14.7k (trust i will not be writing this much again if this flops BWNWJSJEJDK)
notes: terrified to post this one because this is probably my favorite thing i've ever written and if it gets a bad reaction i might die :,) also very unsure if this is the best time to post it since it's during kinktober so i'm not sure if the demand is there but i love this work so so much i pray you all like it. if you don't read anything else from me, i hope that you read this bc i rlly care ab it :,) please don't be mean i beg
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beomgyu doesn’t know how long he’s been living like this. living is an odd term, too, and it’s not just because “life” is ill-defined for an android, but because to call what he experiences a life feels like a bastardization of the term. his power is turned on at some point, usually late at night, he fucks or gets fucked by somebody he probably doesn’t know, then he does the same shit all over again. so yes, he may be “alive”, but he wouldn't dare to call what he experiences living. living is too precious of a term to be used so cheaply on a sex android who’s made available for rent for the highest bidder of the night.
he’s seen how people live through his scattered vignettes of human life. he only gets them when he’s powered on, but he soaks them up with pleasure because they’re the only thing he’s ever known. some people do it wildly, living unattached to everyone and everything. their lives are not completely dissimilar to his, in a way, except they have a choice in the matter. they have time to find themselves, what their likes and dislikes are, and they get to connect with people in a way he will never have the power to. others, though, live the kind of life he really wants. they live by loving and being loved, knowing and being known. he wonders what it’d be like to know somebody outside of whatever secret deviant sexual pleasures they have. he wonders what it’s like to be known, too, but he guesses you would need to have something for someone to care enough to know about in the first place. he has no such thing.
it’s a night like any other when he’s powered on by a total stranger. he briefly takes in his surroundings and notices that it’s a really nice place, but you wouldn’t be the first rich person to rent him — not by a longshot. next, he takes you in. now, there’s no reason for you to dress up, really. you have no need to tempt him, as he will be able to feign attraction no matter what you look like, but he still finds it odd that you seem to have forgone any effort to appeal to him, if only because most people’s fantasies require them to look and feel sexy; but you don’t look sexy at all. you look like you’ve just gotten home from a long day at work, and honestly? you kind of smell like it, too.
“do you think you could do the dishes for me? i’m exhausted,” you ask with a perfectly-timed yawn. what… ?
he short-circuits for a moment as he tries to think of an appropriate response. he’s never had anyone try to get him to do chores for them, but maybe this is some sort of weird roleplay? maybe you want him to act as a house husband for you before doing the deed, which isn’t necessarily a problem since he’s well-versed in acting, but there’s just one issue.
“i don’t know how,” he tells you honestly.
“you don’t know how to do dishes?” you ask curiously, 
“it’s not in my programming,” he replies. if you didn’t know any better, you’d say he’s embarrassed because of the way he hesitates and looks away from you when he says it. he can’t possibly feel that, though, so it must just be your imagination.
“oh… that’s alright. okay, do you know how to clean a room? mine’s kind of dirty,” you try. 
“n-no,” he says, and he wishes the earth would just swallow him whole. he’s never failed at living up to expectations, and never so badly, at that. just what kind of fetish is this? 
“that’s okay,” you sigh, and he may not fully understand it, but he can sense your disappointment. “well, what can you do?” and the question is not asked maliciously, but with what seems to be genuine wonder. ah. he knows how to answer this one. slowly, he walks up to you and loosens your hair. you look up at him in shock, but he just cups your face, swiping his thumb across your lower lip. 
“i can do whatever you want me to, baby,” he whispers alluringly. “just tell me how you like it.” you’re so stunned at his switch in demeanor that you forget how to speak for a moment, but you quickly recollect yourself and pry his hands off of you.
“i don’t want you to do anything,” you insist. “i’m just tired. if you can’t help me clean, that’s alright. you can watch something if you’re bored. i think that’s it. well, goodnight.” beomgyu is malfunctioning at the moment. he thinks the gears in his head might be sparking while he tries to understand this new development. you don’t give him time to process it, though. you just slam your bedroom door shut behind you. he thinks he hears you lock it, too.
genuinely at a loss at the thought that he has nothing and no one to do, he sits himself on your couch. he tries not to make himself too at home at first, just barely making a dent on it and scooting to the very edge of the cushion as to not appear to be too relaxed. what if this is some sort of test? what if you’re actually going to come out soon so you two can fuck? until then, what should he do next? thoughts like this plague him until he accepts the fact that you are actually sleeping. your obnoxiously loud snoring is a dead giveaway, and he finally, finally feels brave enough to fiddle with your remote control. 
he scrolls for something to watch. movies and shows have been on as background noise during sex before, so he’s somewhat familiar with them, but he’s never gotten the opportunity to pick for himself or actually pay attention to what's happening on screen. he settles on a romantic movie about a robot who joins human society. the robot falls in love with a human girl, but in the end, the robot has to leave the girl because the town won’t accept him, even after using him. she marries a human man and has children, and eventually grandchildren, too. she still loves the robot even though he’s gone, which he thinks is supposed to make him feel sorry for her, but all he can feel is pity for the robot, who spends the rest of his life alone. 
it’s enough to make him cry, which he shouldn’t be able to do in a non-sexual setting, but he does it, anyway. it’s just so unfair to him. the girl is able to live a normal life while the robot is doomed to be alone forever. why? because he was born different? it’s not his fault that he was invented, but he spends the rest of his time on earth paying for the crime of existing in a world not built for him. the more beomgyu thinks about it, the more wronged he feels. he’s outright sobbing by the time you plop down on the couch beside him. he jumps up and straightens his posture while trying in vain to regain his composure.
“yeah, this movie makes me cry, too,” you quietly remark. he’s silent, not because he didn’t hear what you said, but because he genuinely doesn’t know how to act after being caught red handed.
“can i ask you something?” you ask in lieu of his lack of a response.
“yes,” he feebly answers.
“why are you crying?” you question with a tilt of your head, but something in him tells him that you already know.
“because the movie made me sad,” he admits after a pause.
“are androids supposed to feel things like that?” 
“... no,” he replies after a pause. 
“then why can you?” 
“i… i don't know. just please don’t say anything to my owners,” he pleads. he knows that if the company that owns him were to find out about this, he’d be scrapped in a heartbeat. or worse, they’d analyze him like a labrat to try to find the anomaly within him. his “life” as a sexbot will be over, and he’d really rather be a box of scraps than live as a case study in a lab somewhere. 
“it’s okay,” you tell him with a reassuring smile as you watch him trying not to spiral. “i won’t tell them. it’ll be our secret.” beomgyu has never had a secret to share with anyone before, so he feels an overwhelming amount of excitement at the idea that he will finally have one. his chest feels warm at the thought.
“thank you,” he says with a grateful smile.
“no problem,” you reply with a yawn. “i’m tired, so i’m heading back to bed. i just wanted to get some water. goodnight, for real this time.” 
“goodnight,” he murmurs softly. you return his words with a sleepy smile and go back into your room. he finds that he’s smiling even when you leave. 
he spends the night consuming as much media as he conceivably can before he has to leave. usually, he'd be powered off after he’s done being used, so he greedily savors every moment he can. who knows if he'll ever get this chance again. when you wake up, you're surprised to see that he's exactly where you left him, still watching the screen intently.
“good morning,” you say while stretching your arms. 
“good morning,” he replies. 
“are you ready to be returned?” you ask. 
“... yes,” he lies. 
“okay. i think somebody will be here to pick you up in an hour or so. you hungry?” 
“i don't really eat,” he bashfully answers. for some reason, he's embarrassed at the fact that you're treating him like a human while he's unable to fully act like one.
“oh. i guess that makes sense,” you nod. 
things are quiet until he’s picked up, but it’s not an awkward silence. you sit next to him on the couch as you wolf down some breakfast and let him watch whatever he pleases. when he eventually hears knocking at your door, he feels an incomprehensible sense of dread.
“i think that's them,” you remark, breaking the silence. 
“y-yeah,” he replies. 
“well, it was nice to meet you,” you say, reaching out your hand for him. he’s unsure what to do with it. not missing a beat, you gently grab his hand and shake it. he's stunned at the physical contact, and he's still reeling when you let the man from the rental company in. you have a brief conversation with him before he walks towards beomgyu.
“goodbye,” you tell the android with a smile and a little wave. 
“... good—” and the man switches him off.
-
the next time beomgyu is powered on, he’s in your house again. relief floods him when he realizes it. you don’t seem as exhausted as the last time he saw you. when that was, he has no idea, but if he had to guess, he’d say it was just last night because of the fact that he’s so popular he’s rented almost every day.
“hey,” you greet him with a smile. he’s still feeling relieved before he realizes that tonight might be the night where you ask him to have sex with you. maybe you were just tired last night and had no desire to fuck, but he can tell that you’re feeling more energetic tonight. 
“i didn’t catch your name,” you add. 
“... beomgyu. i’m part of the choi line, but i’m a custom model, so they gave me a name,” he tentatively replies.
“nice,” you nod, and you briefly introduce yourself before asking if he wants to watch a movie. 
“watch… a movie?” is this some sort of euphemism for fucking? it wouldn’t be the first time he’s heard of something like this. as mentioned before, some people like movies as background noise. 
“yeah, you can pick,” you say, casually plopping down on the couch and patting the cushion next to you. he hesitantly takes your cue, and he’s mentally preparing himself for what comes next before you take a blanket and cocoon yourself in it so tightly, it’d be impossible for him to touch you.
“what’s wrong?” you ask, and he jolts a bit when he realizes that he’s been staring in disbelief. “oh, are you cold? do you want a blanket, too?” 
“‘m fine,” he replies.
“are you sure? the clothes they make you wear look a little thin,” you observe with your nose wrinkled, and he feels impossibly small under your surveying eye. “here, i’ll get you some sweats. i think soobin left some the last time he was here.” 
“who’s soobin?” he asks a little too quickly. so quickly, in fact, he doesn’t even have time to process why he even asked.
“my friend. stay here, i’ll grab them for you.” 
when you return, you have a long pair of sweatpants in hand and a big t-shirt. 
“you can change in the bathroom. it’s down the hallway and to the left, okay?” he nods in response.
he strips his clothes off as best as he can, and it feels like he’s shedding a second skin. when he’s finished undressing, he pulls on the clothes you gave him and stares in the mirror. it’s in his programming to always be mindful of how he looks, but he feels especially self-conscious now that he’s wearing a normal outfit. he fixes up his hair and clears his throat before exiting your (messy) bathroom and making his way back into your living room. he finds you fiddling with your phone before you look up at him.
“took you long enough,” you tease, and he blushes, which stuns you. just how human is this guy?
“s-sorry, i —” 
“hey, i’m just kidding. you’re fine. you look pretty good in those clothes — soobin would be jealous,” you chuckle. his ears perk up at the mention of soobin again. is he your boyfriend? he must be. why else would he have clothes at your house? is that why you don't want to sleep with beomgyu? because you have someone already? if that's the case, why rent him at all? but he is not brave enough to ask these questions, so he settles for a soft “thank you” and returns to his spot on the couch.
you toss him the remote and he catches it with ease before unsurely flipping through your streaming services. he finds something that piques his interest and turns to you with an uncertain look before you nod encouragingly. he selects it and lets it play. he doesn’t mean to, but he finds himself sinking further and further into the cushions as it progresses. 
it’s a sweet movie — a romantic comedy about an amnesic woman whose memory is wiped clean every morning, but a man falls in love with her, anyway. she never remembers him, so he has to make her fall in love with him in a new way every day. he finds himself smiling throughout it, but a particularly funny scene has him actually laughing for the first time. it’s a squeaky sort of thing, and he has never laughed before, so he’s somewhat surprised as it leaves his throat. he looks to you in trepidation, but you just smile warmly and respond with a soft chuckle of your own. he finds that he looks to you every time a new development occurs, and you always answer encouragingly. 
the end of the film surprises him. it’s bittersweet in that she never does get her memory back, but the man makes a video recounting their entire love story for her to watch every time she wakes up. it ends with them living happily together in spite of everything, and it’s enough to make him sob. he turns to you and sees that you’re teary-eyed as well, but you seem to be enjoying his reaction so much that there’s still a grin on your face. after the film ends, you can tell that he has something on his mind.
“what’s wrong? didn’t you like it?” you gently ask.
“i did. i just don’t understand,” he replies timidly.
“don’t understand what?” 
“why he would do all of that for her, i guess,” he says. 
“because he loves her. when you love somebody, you’d do anything to be with them. you always find a way,” you tell him, and the sentiment seems to strike a chord within him.
“even if they’re that different?”
“of course.”
-
beomgyu spends the following nights with this same routine. he’s switched on, sees you standing in front of him with a smile, gets comfortable, and watches as much media as he possibly can while you two chatter away about every scene. he learns much more from it than he ever did from experience with his previous renters, and he finds himself becoming more and more emotional by the day. you never try to question him or press him to explain any of his feelings, and it just makes him feel even more comfortable with you. 
one day, he even feels comfortable enough to ask you a question. the question. 
“can i ask you something?” 
“of course! what is it?” you reply in earnest. beomgyu has never directly inquired about you.
“why do you rent me? i mean, i know we watch stuff together now, but why rent me in the first place?” and even when he feels exponentially more at ease with you than he ever has in any other context, he’s still nervous when he asks it. 
“oh, my friend did it as a joke, i guess,” you shrug. “he thought i needed to get laid or something, but i’m not into stuff like that, so i just thought i’d ask you to help me clean. obviously, that’s what i actually need,” you giggle. what he feels at your words can only be described as disappointment. “stuff like that”? so you’re not into sleeping with sexbots? is it because you find them disgusting? is it because you find him disgusting? he’s not sure what he expected, but this wasn’t it.
“oh. so why don’t you buy a cleaning bot?” he asks softly, and while you are usually pretty perceptive of his emotions, you don’t register the fact that he’s at a loss right now.
“i dunno. my parents were always against that sort of thing. they thought it was wrong, i guess, so i didn’t grow up with them like everyone else did. i didn’t really have an opinion on them until i met you,” you tell him while grinning and lightly nudging him with your elbow. he tries his best to smile because, in theory, your words are really sweet. you see him as more than just another android, so why does he feel like that’s not enough? 
the fragile connection you two have made seems even more fragile now. at least, it does to him. you only met each other because of a joke your friend just so happened to make, not because of fate or the divine intervention that he always sees in the movies. maybe in another world, your friend rented a different sexbot. maybe you’d even treat them the same way you treat him. the thought alone makes something ugly burn in his chest. 
still, you are oblivious to the internal war raging within beomgyu. 
“hey, i’ve got an idea,” you tell him, and he perks up a bit. “have you ever listened to music?” 
“not really,” he replies solemnly. people have played it in the background of their sexual escapades, but he hasn’t really gotten the chance to listen the same way humans do. you finally register his crestfallen appearance, but you chalk it up to him feeling like he’s missing out. 
“why don’t we listen to some? i can play a bunch of different genres so you can find what you like,” you suggest, and he agrees to it. truthfully, he doesn’t fully understand how music can be better than movies and shows, but he is curious to find out what makes it so special. 
and special, it is. he doesn’t like every song you play, he realizes, but that’s only natural given how different they are from each other. he finds himself being drawn to the more emotional and moody ones, but he can’t help but enjoy the way you quietly sing and nod along to the more upbeat tunes. 
as you continue to sit together, you begin to fiddle with your hair. you’re scoffing and loosening it for the umpteenth time before you’re about to give up, but beomgyu stops you.
“let me do it,” he says.
“do you know how?” 
“i think i can. i’ve been watching you,” he says simply.
“... okay.” 
you turn your back to him to give him access to your hair and he scoots closer to you. closer than you’ve ever been. his touch on your head is careful as he gently gathers your hair and begins to braid it. you’re not sure how much time passes because he’s actually quite slow, but it’s relaxing all the same. you find yourself softly humming to the tune of the song playing. the lyrics are a little dark, but you follow along in earnest, and beomgyu thinks he finally understands why people like music so much. for moments like this. he tries to soak up every detail he can, from the way the light hits your frame to the melody you hum, and he wishes this moment could last forever.
but you only have so much hair, so the moment does have to end, eventually. he ties up your hair and you pull out your phone camera to admire his handiwork. admittedly, it’s a lot better than anything you could’ve done. it seems that he’s a fast learner.
“this looks perfect! thanks, beoms,” you say warmly. he’s stunned for a second at the nickname.
“beoms?” 
“yeah, like beomgyu. beoms,” you say with a casual shrug, and something in his chest blossoms. “i give all of my friends nicknames.” and something in his chest explodes at the title of “friend”. 
“you do?” he asks excitedly.
“yeah. like, i call soobin ‘soobinie’ or ‘soobie’, sometimes,” you giggle, and the bloom of hope in his chest dies with it. 
“are you two close?” he asks, even though he knows the answer will probably hurt him.
“very. he’s my best friend,” you answer fondly. oh. you’re beomgyu’s best friend — you’re beomgyu’s only friend, and tentatively at that. the idea that the deep connection he feels with you is even deeper with someone else, at least in your eyes, makes him feel sick. do you let soobin play with your hair? do you hum along to songs you’ve shown him while he does it? do you smile at him after he’s finished and compliment him on his skills? probably, probably, probably. the ugly feeling that was previously completely foreign to him now takes its usual place in his chest, and it makes his stomach hurt so much that if he could vomit, his metaphorical dinner would be all over the floor.
“oh,” is all he can say. 
-
days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months, but every time beomgyu awakens, he finds you smiling up at him. this can’t be good for your bank account — he’s quite expensive to rent, after all — but he’s far too afraid to actually bring it up. what if you realize just how much money you’re sinking into him and want to stop renting him? what will he do if you don’t want him anymore? he feels an incomparable sense of dread at the thought. 
he prepares to sit on the couch and watch something, listen to music, or even play a video game with you. you two have gotten into them recently, and he’s discovered that he very much enjoys playing with you, even when you’re yelling at him and demanding that he stop letting you win. he can’t help but grin when he thinks about it. you start playing a song, and you do, indeed, invite him to sit on the couch, but you don’t sit down next to him and start babbling away about your day like you usually would. 
“do you think you could do me a favor?” you ask. 
“what, do you want me to wash your dishes?” he jokes, and you share a laugh before you say your next words, but all laughter and joy is profusely sucked out of him when you say them.
“no, smartass, but can you braid my hair for me? i’m going over to soobin’s tonight, and i want it out of my way.” 
“soobin’s?”
“yeah, it’s been a while since i’ve stayed the night, and he said we’re way past due for it,” you tell him, and the world as beomgyu knows it comes crashing down around him. 
“you’re staying the night with him?” 
“mhm. he’s right, it’s been too long; but don’t worry, i bought a pass so you can play video games online. there’s even a headset so you can talk to people, if you want. maybe you’ll even make some friends,” you say while playfully waggling your eyebrows. beomgyu’s silence is pensive, to say the very least, and you worry that he’s apprehensive of making a friend that isn't you. 
“seriously, you might like it. it’ll be good for you to meet more people, honestly. i’m sure it’s driving you crazy to only have me to talk to,” you jokingly add, but to beomgyu, it’s the worst joke he’s ever heard. no, it does not drive him crazy to only talk to you every day. in fact, even though he’s not conscious during the time you spend away from each other, he thinks, deep down, that he still somehow misses you when you’re apart. and no, he does not think he needs to have anyone but you. you are more than enough for him, so how could you ever think he needs more? again, he is taunted by that same strange and implacable feeling he’s been having ever since he met you, yet he can’t quite put his finger on it, even when he nods and tells you that he’ll try making new friends. 
but as he brushes out your hair and you sing along to the words:
"i’m glad i didn’t die before i met you
but now i don’t care
i could go anywhere with you
and i’d probably be happy"
he finally understands what that feeling is. that warm, all-consuming feeling. that feeling of comfort, safety, and unconditional understanding. that feeling of infinite curiosity about the other person. that feeling of wanting to known and be known in a way so profound it physically aches. 
yes, as he gathers your hair and ever-so-gently twists it in his hands in preparation for you staying the night with a man you clearly prefer over him, the feeling becomes clear as day. love. what he feels for you is love — an emotion he should never be able to even fathom, yet he does. 
and it makes him loathe himself to a degree he never thought he was capable of.
he’s so put off by this sentiment, he almost can’t finish the braid because his hands are shaking so much, but somehow, he finishes, anyway. 
“are you done?” you ask as you fiddle with your hair and look back at him.
“mhm,” he replies. 
“yay! thank you!” you say giddily. 
“you’re welcome,” he mumbles. you’re not stupid, so you notice that something is off about him, but you just assume it’s because he’s nervous about being left alone to make new friends. you feel guilty in a certain sense, but it’ll be good for him to branch out and meet new people, so you tuck the feeling away as best as you can before packing your nightly essentials and getting ready to leave.
“i’ll be back tomorrow morning,” you tell him, and he only nods with his lips pursed, which makes your heart feel sour.
“try not to miss me too much,” you tease, but it doesn’t seem to cheer him up in the slightest. 
“have fun,” he replies weakly, and your previously sour heart now kind of aches, but you have to do this for him. you can't always be beside him for everything, right? besides, it's only for the night.
you open the door to leave, but before you go, you turn back to him and he senses hesitation in you. before he can question it, you’re opening your arms, and his eyes widen when he realizes you’re inviting him in for a hug. you almost regret doing it as soon as you open them for fear of making him uncomfortable, but he embraces you before you have time to process such feelings. on beomgyu’s end, he has always been wary of touch for obvious reasons, but he gravitates towards your open arms like he was meant to be in them.
he rests his chin on the top of your head for a moment and you spend an unknown length of time just standing with your arms wrapped around each other. 
“i’ll miss you,” you admit, and before you can smack yourself for being so dramatic and sentimental over what will ultimately only be one night, you can swear you feel his grip tightening even more around you.
eventually, you break away and look up at him with a smile. you ruffle his hair and promise to see him later, and he answers you with a nod. then, you're leaving and locking the door behind you.
immediately, beomgyu feels a sense of loss he’s never felt before. after all, to experience loss, you must have something worth losing in the first place, and he has never had anything like that. at least, not until you. so he stands at the door for who knows how long, just like a puppy waiting for his owner to get home. 
-
soobin can sense you’re out of it before you even finish crossing through his doorway, and it puts a halt to your typically overdramatic greeting. 
“what’s the matter? are you feeling okay?” he questions concernedly as he pulls you in for a hug. you nod before you break apart from him and walk through the threshold. 
“y-yeah. it’s just, i don’t know, i guess i just feel bad about leaving beomgyu all by himself,” you tell him as you plop down on his couch. 
“the android you’ve been renting?” he asks incredulously. “i’ve been meaning to ask you about that, actually. why’re you renting it so much? i barely even see you anymore. is the sex that good?” 
“you know i don’t use androids like that,” you snap in annoyance, partially because he’s calling beomgyu “it”.
“i know, which is why i’m so confused. why rent it in the first place if you’re not getting anything out of it?” 
you struggle to answer his question. you promised beomgyu you’d keep his secret, but you trust soobin, and you know he won’t judge him, or worse, report him. besides, it’ll be good to have an unbiased third party weigh in on the situation. with this in mind, you tell him about beomgyu, skipping over some of the more personal details. he’s in disbelief at first and actually thinks you’re just fucking with him, but as you tell him more and more about the time you’ve spent together, his smile falls and his face turns serious. 
“so that’s why i feel so guilty about leaving him alone,” you finish with a deep sigh. he’s silent for a few moments before collecting his thoughts.
“god, i can’t believe this is actually happening,” he whispers.
“i know. it’s insane, but it’s true. he’s just so… human. you should've seen the way he looked at me when i told him i was leaving. i don’t think i’ve ever seen anyone look so sad before.” 
“well, you’re right about him needing to make friends,” he says with a nod, and it validates all of your misgivings about leaving him alone. “but don’t you think you should, i don’t know, think about what all of this means?” 
“what do you mean?” you ask, and in that moment, he knows you have no idea about the way beomgyu probably feels about you. he’s not 100% confident in his deductions, but the way you describe how beomgyu acts around you pretty much tells him everything he needs to know. 
“i mean, you basically have a completely sentient creature who relies on you for everything. if he’s as human as you say he is, then he can probably feel everything that we do. right now, i’d guess that he feels like you’re all he knows.” and the sneaking sense of guilt that was previously threatening to creep up on you is now completely overwhelming. you’re all he knows. and you left him all alone to fend for himself and make his own friends. yes, he needs to learn how to make connections, but how could you expect him to know how to do that? it took weeks for him to finally seem comfortable around you, so how could he possibly know how to make them on his own? moreover, even though it's nothing to you, you're his entire world. he must feel like you abandoned him.
“i’ve gotta go,” you mumble.
“what?” he asks. 
“i–i’ve gotta go home,” you repeat as you hurriedly stand up and hug him goodbye. 
“wait! i think you should —” 
“love you, bye!” you shout as you book it out of the doorway. 
-
when you return home, you open the door to see beomgyu listlessly staring at the television screen. when he hears you, he turns to look at you with watery eyes. he looks so lost in this moment, and all of your suspicions are confirmed.
“beoms, i am so sorry,” you tell him as you rush over and throw your arms around him. 
“for what?” he asks with a gulp as he stays in your embrace, shakily wrapping his arms around your waist.
“i’m sorry for leaving you all by yourself. i thought it was just for one night, so it’d be alright, but you don’t have anyone but me right now; and i realize that it’s unfair for me to expect you to meet other people all on your own when you’ve never had to do it before. if you want friends, i’ll help you, okay? i’ll be there with you as you do it,” you tell him, and you feel his body trembling. 
“i-i’m sorry. i know it’s not a big deal, but when you’re not with me, i feel so scared. i… i don’t know how to do anything by myself. i’m s-sorry i need you so much,” he whispers, and your heart breaks. 
“don’t be sorry,” you say gently. “how about this: i’ll join you online and we can talk to people together. then, when you’re ready, you can start hanging out with my friends in person, too, okay? we can keep going until you don’t need me anymore.” beomgyu outwardly agrees, which seems to put you at ease, but there’s just one issue: he’ll always need you.
-
gaming online is actually really fun, but making friends is hard for someone like beomgyu. he’s quiet and a little awkward at first, but after a few nights and with your help, he finally warms up to the people he games with. he gets so comfortable, in fact, that he’s even able to shit talk with them a little. 
“fuckkk, that’s so unfair!” his new friend, kai, wails over the headset. 
“it’s not unfair, you just suck,” beomgyu chuckles, and kai whines again. you laugh at their interaction before kai continues.
“how are you so fucking good at this game? you’ve only been playing for a few nights, and you’re already better than me!” he pouts. 
“i’m just gifted,” beomgyu boasts.
“very true,” you add, and he beams, but kai’s next words throw him off-kilter.
“whatever. stop asking your girlfriend to argue with me — you two make me sick,” he jokes with his signature maniacal laugh, but the two of you are too stunned to laugh along. you look at each other in sheer embarrassment, and you can see beomgyu’s ears turning bright pink beneath his blond hair. you’re not sure why you feel so mortified, but you do. this is beomgyu, for god’s sake. there’s no earthly way you could ever see him in anything other than a purely platonic way, so why does your heart feel uneasy at the notion? while you’re still too stunned to speak, beomgyu tries to pipe up and respond.
“sh-she’s — we’re not, uh —” 
“damn it!” kai yells as his character dies yet again, and any momentum beomgyu previously had to clear up the misunderstanding is killed stone dead in its tracks. 
he turns to look at you unsurely, but the awkward moment seems to have passed for you as you laugh at kai’s character’s death. if only he could be as unfazed.
after kai goes offline, you two decide to quit gaming for the night. you turn to beomgyu nervously, and he immediately knows that you’re going to say something serious. he hopes beyond hope that it’s not about what kai said.
“can i ask you something?” and his heart sinks. oh god, you probably caught onto his feelings. he’s not sure he has the confidence to tell the truth, but how could he lie to you?
“y-yes,” he replies, voice a bit unsteady.
“okay, you can say no if you want, but soobin invited us to a get together he’s having pretty soon. it’s not anything too crazy, so there’ll only be a few of us. i think it’ll be a good start for you. maybe you’ll even make some new friends, you know?” he’s silent at your words just out of sheer shock. he’d definitely missed the mark when guessing your intentions. 
“it’s okay to say no,” you hurriedly add, “but my friends are really nice, and i’d be with you the entire time. even if you don’t talk to anybody, you can talk to me.”
“okay,” he agrees before he can even really think about it. he guesses he’s just relieved that you still don’t know about his feelings, but part of him aches even still. 
“really?” you ask incredulously. “oh my god! i have to tell soobin — he’ll be so excited!” you babble, and his lips curl upwards at how happy you are. he wishes he could always make you happy like this, and it seems that he’d agree to absolutely anything if you were the one asking.
-
work has been especially taxing today, which is nothing new, but you have this insatiable suspicion that something feels… off as you finish up for the day. as you’re about to head out for the night, you wonder what beomgyu will want to do once you get home. maybe he’ll want to play games with kai, or maybe he’ll want to watch a movie with you. maybe he’ll let you cuddle up to him for warmth, which he’s been very willing to do, lately. the unspoken rule that you two will never touch has become blurry for some reason, but you’re pretty touchy with all of your friends, so it only feels like a matter of course to you. 
you’re thinking about all of the potential ways tonight could play out when it hits you: you didn’t reserve beomgyu. you spit out a curse and hurriedly take out your phone to book him, but it’s too late. he’s already assigned to someone for the night. fuck.
when you get home, you’re anxious beyond belief. you haven’t spent a night without beomgyu in months, but more importantly, he hasn’t spent a night without you. you try not to think about how scared he will be when he’s powered on in a stranger’s home. you hope he’s able to just switch back to his initial programming, but somehow, you just know it won’t be that easy. you feel sick with worry when you think about how someone so human will have to involuntarily turn his feelings off and pretend to enjoy something he’s being forced to do — with no compensation, no less. he must think you abandoned him. he must think you don’t care about him. how could you forget to reserve him when he needs you so much? fuck how busy you were with work, his wellbeing should have been your first priority.
so you sit and watch the hours tick by. you try to relax. you try to tell yourself it’s only for one night, and he’s been doing it for years, but something just feels wrong, wrong, wrong. you’re about to try to force yourself to go to sleep so the night ends more quickly when you hear a rapid knocking on your door. it’s strange for someone to call on you so late, indeed, but when you look through your peephole, you see none other than the very boy you’ve been worrying about. 
“beomgyu?” you say incredulously when you swing open the door. immediately, he embraces you, and you feel hot tears streaming down your neck as he nuzzles his face into it. you hold him as best as you can as you rub circles into his back and try to shush his cries.
“it’s okay, i’m here,” you tell him, and he whines. you try to break away to get a good look at him, but he just pulls you in even closer, as if you’re his only lifeline in this world, and in a way, you are.
after his breathing slows and his sobs die out, he reluctantly parts from you, so you hold his hand and lead him to your couch. his eyes are swollen and bloodshot while his nose is a bright pink, but he never once takes his eyes off of you for fear of letting you out of his sight. in his mind, you can’t leave as long as he can see you.
“are you alright?” you tentatively ask, hand still holding his and soothingly caressing it in an attempt to calm him down. he goes to nod before stopping himself and shaking his head in the negative. your eyes soften even more at the action.
“do you want to talk about what happened?” you try, and he nods before clearing his throat.
“i, um, i woke up and i was at this woman’s house. she… she wanted me to get undressed, but i didn’t want to, so she started doing it for me.” you wince at his words, but he’s not finished yet. 
“she kept touching me, and it was so disgusting i just — i just couldn't stand it, so i ran away and came here. i don’t mean to make your life harder, and i won’t ask for you to stay the night with me anymore, but if you could just let me stay here, i promise i’ll learn how to clean or do anything you want. please, just don’t make me —” 
“beomgyu, stop it,” you say softly, but firmly. “you are not making my life harder. you can stay here as much as you want and do whatever you want while you’re here. i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean for this to happen. i was just so busy with work, and by the time i realized it, somebody had already booked you. i promise you that it’ll never happen again, okay? so you don't have to be afraid. i’m not leaving you, and i won’t let anyone hurt you, either.” 
you don’t think you’ve ever seen anyone look so relieved before. it looks as though you just saved his life, and to beomgyu, you essentially did. he holds your hand even tighter, as if you’re the only thing keeping him from falling off the face of this planet. 
“wait here, i’ll get you some clothes,” you say gently, but as you go to leave, he holds you even tighter. your eyebrow quirks in a silent question at his actions, and he looks sheepish for a moment before saying his next words.
“c-can we just stay like this for a bit? just for a little while? i’m still scared,” he mumbles, and your heart melts.
“of course. come here,” you beckon, and he falls into your arms and rests his head on your shoulder, breathing your scent in as he tries to imprint this moment into his hardware. you stay like that for a while before you finally convince him to change out of his uncomfortable clothes. he reluctantly lets you go, and his eyes follow you everywhere you walk. 
that night, you stay up later than usual to spend more time with him. he stays glued to your side and ensures that he’s always touching you in some way, which is endearing in a way you can’t seem to put into words. when you’re about to head to bed for the night, you swear you hear him whimper, but he lets you go, anyway. as you lay your head down and get comfortable under the covers, you hear a timid knocking on your door. you call him in, and his gaze shyly flickers between you and the floor. 
“c-can i stay with you tonight? i won’t bother you, i swear. it’s just — i just still feel weird. y-you can say no! i just thought that —”
“come here,” you softly interrupt, and he doesn’t hesitate to listen. he closes the door behind him and shuffles towards you, stopping uncertainly at the edge of the bed in a silent plea for permission to enter it. you feel a weird, warm feeling in your chest when he does it. you scoot over and pat the open space next to you before he gathers enough courage to slide in. you cover him with your blanket, and he stiffly accepts it. you giggle at his awkwardness and cuddle up to him, placing your arms around his waist before thinking better of it. how could you just invade his personal space when he’s clearly traumatized? you go to remove your arms and scoot away before he firmly locks you in place.
“it’s okay,” he whispers, settling himself into your embrace and mindlessly toying with the ends of your hair.
“are you sure?” you ask.
“i’m sure.”
it isn't long before beomgyu hears your breathing slow down, and eventually he hears you begin to snore. he smiles at the sound. he can't really sleep, but he's perfectly content with watching you rest. he continues to play with your hair, and you nuzzle into his touch every so often. he doesn’t want to repeat the events leading up to tonight, but he would do it all over again — any number of times — with a smile on his face if it meant he got to be with you like this again. 
-
the next morning, beomgyu waits for the usual delivery guy from the company to pick him up, but it’s currently way past the usual pickup time. he’s most certainly not complaining, but you don’t seem even remotely fazed by the matter. however, while you’re casually flipping through your streaming catalog literal hours after he’d already be gone, he can’t stop himself from asking:
“um, d-do you know when i’m being picked up?” you pause, and he worries that he may have said the wrong thing before you turn to him.
“do you want to be picked up?” you ask solemnly.
“n-no! of course not. it’s just, you know, i’d usually be gone by now, so i —” 
“do you want to stay here? with me, i mean,” you interrupt.
“i… i do,” he replies with a gulp. usually, that’d be all you get from him, but it feels like the perfect opportunity to be honest about his feelings. “i always want to stay with you, but i know i’m expensive, and i don’t want to be a bother.” he looks ashamed as he admits it, but if he had the courage to look in your eyes, he’d note the fondness that lies within them.
“i told you that you’re not a bother to me. i also told you that you could stay here for as long as you want, remember?” and he does, so he nods. 
“alright. i meant it when i said it last night, and i mean it now. if you want to be here, you can stay for as long as you’d like. you don't have to worry about your owners anymore, i promise.” and he thinks he’s never seen you as serious as you are now. he wonders what you mean before it dawns on him.
“you… did you buy me?” he asks in disbelief.
“y-yeah. i’m sorry, it sounds so gross when i hear it out loud, but that doesn’t mean that i own you or anything. what i really wanted to buy was your freedom, so you can stay as long as you want, but that also means that you can leave whenever you want, too.”
“i’m so sorry,” he says in a hushed, hurried tone. “i know i'm expensive. i’m really sorry.”
“money is not an object to me,” you dismiss in faux arrogance with a wave of your hand in hopes that it’ll lighten the mood, but beomgyu can’t stop the tears from falling over his waterlines, and you’re afraid your attempt to help him only made him feel more indebted to you. all worry is promptly washed away when you feel him pull you into his arms. 
“thank you,” he just barely breathes out. “i don’t know how i’ll ever pay you back, but i’ll try, i swear.”
“you don’t have to do anything for me, beoms. i should’ve done it a lot sooner, but i’m just a little slow, i guess,” you muse, and he chuckles softly into your neck.
-
sleeping with beomgyu should’ve only happened once, but every night when you say you’re heading to bed, he looks at you with puppy eyes and you find yourself inviting him to come along. each time, he looks so excited that if he had a tail, it would most certainly be wagging. he obediently follows you to your room and settles into the empty space next to you before holding you in his arms as you drift off. he’s even taken to humming the tunes of songs he likes when you struggle to settle down, and his baritone voice lulls you to sleep like a charm every time. he spends his time by just looking at you and trying to reconcile with his new reality. this is real. he gets to spend however many nights he wants next to you, as per your own words. even if you didn’t mean them, he plans to take them seriously. he is perfectly content with spending the rest of his life just sleeping with you, looking at you, being with you. 
-
soobin’s get together is tonight, and you look different than usual. your typical look is very casual, which makes sense because you’re only ever at home when you’re with him, but you are now primped and ready to be seen, and it makes him anxious because you look even more lovable. he knows these people are your friends, so they must’ve seen you dressed up before, but that only makes him all the more uneasy; they know a side of you he is only now seeing, and it makes that same old ugly feeling he's grown so accustomed to sprout in his chest. 
when you arrive at soobin’s place, the first thing you do when soobin swings open the door is jump in his arms like you didn’t just see him a week ago. he spins you around with a dimpled grin that’s so sincere, beomgyu feels emotionally decimated by it. you both giggle as you break apart, and the jealousy beomgyu feels brewing within feels unpacifiable. 
“is this beomgyu?” soobin asks, grin still very much apparent.
“yes! you’re gonna love him,” you answer giddily. 
“it’s nice to meet you,” soobin says warmly while stretching out his hand, which beomgyu awkwardly shakes while he tries to force his lips to curl upwards in what he prays is a believable smile.
“nice to meet you,” he mumbles.
“everyone’s already here, but you’re late as always,” soobin playfully chastises, and you pout in response.
everyone greets you when you walk in, mostly by hugging you and lightheartedly scolding you for not coming out anymore. they’re very clearly bantering with you, but each reproach feels like a knife to beomgyu’s heart. he’s the reason you haven’t seen them in so long. 
clueless to it all, you introduce him as your friend to everyone, which only makes him feel worse, somehow. he is just one friend out of many, meanwhile you’re his entire world. you’re far too caught up in the joy of seeing some of your favorite people after so long to notice his dismay, however.
you lead him to soobin’s couch to have a seat with you and one of your friends, taehyun maybe, offers him a drink, to which he awkwardly declines. you quickly follow up with something to the effect of “he isn’t much of a drinker,” and beomgyu nods in affirmation. you try your best to include beomgyu in conversation, but they’re all talking about people and places he doesn't know. all he knows is you, and the world you two built together seems smaller and smaller with every new topic of conversation. 
he notices that soobin seems to be eyeing him somewhat strangely, though he tries his best to play it off. he could just attribute it to surface level curiosity, but his intuition tells him it’s much deeper than that. is soobin sizing up his competition? maybe so, but there’s not much to see. beomgyu is handsome, and he knows it, but soobin knows a side of you beomgyu has only ever heard stories about. you’ve told him about your friends and the goings on between you and your coworkers, but it pales in comparison to actually meeting them. he makes an internal note to ask even more questions than he usually does the next time you’re telling him about your day. until then, he sits as close to you as humanly possible and clings onto your arm, which is so second nature to you, you don't even notice that he’s doing it. 
soobin, who is usually not the inquisitive type, can’t help but question the dynamic between you and beomgyu. at first, the lingering glances and intimate gestures were innocuous enough to be written off as mere friendliness, but when you whisper something in beomgyu’s ear and he flushes a bright pink, soobin knows he can’t ignore it any longer. he especially can’t ignore it when you turn away from beomgyu and he raises a hand to the ear you just whispered into as if he’s reliving the moment. well, time to test his theory. 
soobin slides into the open cushion next to you and begins excitedly chattering about how pretty you look tonight, and he even takes your braided hair into his hands and twirls it between his fingers.
“your hair looks pretty,” he muses.
“beomgyu did it, actually,” you grin, and soobin glances over to said boy, who is currently glaring daggers at him. the look in beomgyu’s eyes is so intense, he almost wants to back off, but he has to get to the bottom of this. 
“did he? you know, it’s been a while since you stayed over. wanna have a sleepover tonight? you have some clothes here from last time, and we can cuddle, i know you like that,” he says as innocently as he possibly can. 
before you can even reply, beomgyu is slamming his hands on the coffee table. you turn to face him in surprise, and the look on his face is the angriest you’ve ever seen him. his eyes are dark and his nostrils are flared as he heavily breathes. he’s never been angry at all in front of you, actually, so to say you’re taken aback is the understatement of the century. 
“beoms? what’s wrong?” you ask concernedly, completely turning away from soobin. your voice is enough to somewhat placate him, but before he can fully calm down, soobin is saying his next words.
“i’m sure he’s fine. beomgyu, you can find your way home tonight on your own, can’t you?” beomgyu is positively seething at this. before you can question him again, he’s gripping your hand so tightly it’s like it’s the only thing keeping him from drowning, so you excuse the both of you and drag him to the bathroom for some privacy.
“are you alright?” you ask, frantically scanning his figure for some sort of sign of pain or discomfort. 
“i-i’m fine, i just, uh, i don’t feel good,” he says flatly. 
“what’s wrong? is it too much? do we need to go home?” he’s so flustered, he barely registers that you’re calling your house “home”, but he still notices it in spite of everything, and it’s like a balm on his aching heart. 
“y-yeah, can we go home? please?” he pleads, and you hurriedly nod. 
“of course, just let me say bye to everyone before we leave, okay?” and he wants to say no, but he’s as weak as ever in front of you, so he relents.
that doesn’t stop him from gripping your hand, though, as you say goodbye to everyone. you go to give soobin your usual hug, but beomgyu pulls you back to him even more tightly. you write it off as him not feeling well and just wanting to leave as soon as possible, to which you oblige, and before you know it, you two are scurrying out of soobin’s place like there’s something chasing you.
as you’re driving home, you feel your phone buzz in your pocket, but it isn’t until you’re walking through your doorway that you check it. 
soobie: we need to talk. call me as soon as you get home
you’re worried beyond belief at his serious tone, so you tell beomgyu that you’ve got to make a call before ducking into your bedroom. you don’t shut the door behind you, because why would you? 
you quickly call soobin and the line connects after just one ring.
“what’s wrong?” you ask anxiously, and soobin just sighs, which makes you all the more anxious.
“we have to talk about beomgyu.” 
“beomgyu? what about him? is something wrong?” you question.
“yeah, i mean, maybe. this might sound crazy, but i think — i know — he likes you.” you’re stunned silly for just a moment before bursting into laughter.
“likes me? what the hell are you talking about?” you dismiss, and you sense his agitation even through the phone.
“i’m serious. i had a feeling before, but tonight just confirmed it. he likes you.” you’re silent for a moment, just trying to process his words, but once your mind somewhat clears, you can’t help but deny, deny, deny.
“you’re wrong. it’s not like that at all. i’m just the first person who’s ever treated him nicely, and i —” 
“you’re not listening,” he cuts in irritatedly. “he looked like he wanted to skin me alive tonight. how else do you explain that?” 
“soobie,” you sigh. “you’ve got it all wrong. maybe you’re right and maybe he was feeling insecure, but that’s probably because i’m the only person he knows. he most likely just felt like you were stealing my attention away.” 
“you’re always so dense about these things, you know?” he groans. “okay, look, i’m not sure how they came about, but i do know that he has feelings for you. maybe it started out as dependence, i’m not sure, but it’s definitely much more than that now.” 
“that’s impossible,” you snort, actually feeling a bit impatient now. how could he possibly think that your relationship with beomgyu was anything other than platonic? 
“why? because he’s a robot?” oh, that shuts you up. “just think about it. if he were a human, would you still be saying the same thing? like i said before, if he’s as human as you say he is, he can feel the same way we do, and he’s definitely capable of feeling love, too.” you are, again, stunned into silence. suddenly, as if there was a fog that covered your brain before, things that you never really considered become clear to you. the soft touches, the gentleness. sleeping in the same bed and waiting for you to get home. wanting you — needing you — around all the time. the way he plays with your hair. the way he’s so interested in everything you have to say. the clinginess, the dependence. it all makes so much more sense to you. 
“i —” you begin, but you just so happen to glance up and see beomgyu right outside of your doorway… looking absolutely devastated. 
“i’ve gotta go,” you tell soobin as you hang up, not even bothering to say your usual goodbye. 
“beoms, did you hear us?” you ask tentatively, and he flinches a little bit before looking down at the floor and nodding.
you’re unsure of how to navigate this situation from here, but while you’re still trying to figure it out, beomgyu speaks.
“i-i’m so sorry,” he says hurriedly. “i understand if you don’t want me anymore.” 
“w-what? no, i —” 
“i’m just really sorry,” he says, looking as ashamed as a person ever could. “i know it’s wrong, i know it’s disgusting, but i —” 
“beomgyu.” 
“but i can’t help it. i wish i could, but i just can’t; and i understand if you want to return me or whatever, but if you could just —” 
“beomgyu, stop it,”  you interrupt firmly, no room for argument. he stares at you with defeated eyes, and you feel your heart break in two. “i am not disgusted, and i don’t want to return you.” his eyebrows furrow as if he doesn't quite understand, so you continue. 
“your feelings are not disgusting to me, don’t ever say that again, okay? please? it makes me sad,” you plead, and he hesitantly nods. “i think it’s normal, actually. you don’t really know anybody else other than me, so of course you’re confused.” 
“confused?” he asks incredulously, eyes snapping up to meet yours.
“confused,” you nod. “it'll change once you meet more people, i swear.” you try to smile reassuringly, but suddenly, you see tears welling up in beomgyu’s eyes. 
“beoms?” you carefully try.
“i don't need to meet more people. i just need you,” he chokes out. “don't tell me i'm confused because i'm not. i-i'd rather you just say you don't want to be with me than tell me that.” your heart clenches at his words, but he continues. 
“i just want to be with you, no one else,” he tells you desperately. “i can understand if you don't feel the same way, but i can't stand to hear you say i don’t love you, because i do. i really, really do.” and as if you're dissociating, your mind is bombarded by times where he's shown you this exact sentiment. again, you go back to every intimate moment you two have ever shared. it was easy to just chalk it up to his lack of experience, but when he's telling you that's not the case so earnestly, is it truly possible to still believe it’s nothing? after a while, you decide that it most certainly is not. 
the question is: do you feel the same way? you try to put a name to the feelings you have when you’re with him. the trust you have, the understanding. the desire to share everything you know and like with him, no matter how mundane it may seem to others; and consequently, the endearment towards him when you see how eager he is to listen. more than that, the intimacy between you two. how you like waking up to him smiling down at you, and how when something happens, he’s the first one you want to tell, good or bad. how when you listen to new music, you feel excited at the prospect of sharing it with him. 
you realize you want to know more about him, the happy things and even the sad things. why he is the way that he is, why he thinks the way he thinks. the peace you feel when he’s running his fingers through your hair and holding you close when you watch the same film for the dozenth time. you try to picture a world where somebody else rented him. a world in which somebody else got to see him as soon as they wake up or as soon as they get home from a particularly grueling day at work, and you finally understand that you wouldn’t like that at all. but why? you’ve only ever thought of him as a friend, right? so why does it matter to you? 
your eyes focus on beomgyu again, and you notice how utterly defeated he looks. his heart is on full display for you — and you alone — as tears stream freely down his pretty, doll-like face. are these tears just for you? you think so. is it safe to trust that these feelings he has for you are real? you’re not sure, but you want to. still, there’s something stopping you.
“i think… i think i feel the same way,” you admit, and his previously downtrodden appearance immediately lights up with hope. “but we shouldn’t.” and the words are like lead in your mouth. 
“why not?” he asks, clearly distressed. you just gave him an inch, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t take a mile. he never in a million years would have thought that you’d ever reciprocate his feelings, so he can’t just let them go so easily.
“i just… it’s just not something that i can —” 
“is it because i’m an android?” he questions, voice teeming with self-loathing. 
“n-no! i mean, we’re just so different,” you tell him, trying to skirt around the topic as best as you possibly can, but he won’t have it.
“whatever it is, i’ll change it. please? i can do anything,” he pleads. 
“it’s not like that. i want to, but we can't. i-i'll get older. i won't look the same — i won't be the same,” and it’s embarrassing as hell to admit it out loud, but you mean it. beomgyu’s urgent gaze softens, and he inches closer to you before he’s standing before you. he reaches out to gently cup your face and tenderly pushes your hair behind your ears.
“and what about me?” 
“what about you?” you scoff, but you don't pull away from his touch, though your eyes do dart away. “you’ll still be you, and i’ll be old and —” 
“what about when my parts start creaking? what about when i don’t remember things like i’m supposed to? you’ll still love me then, right?” he asks, but he already knows, and your eyes snap back to his.
“th-that’s different. you can get repairs. i can’t —” 
“then i won’t. you’ll get old and gray and i’ll get rundown and out-of-date. i don’t care what happens, as long as i’m with you.” you’re silent in the wake of his heavy words, so he quickly continues.
“you told me that when you love somebody, you’d do anything to be with them. you said you always find a way, and i want to find a way to be with you.” your heart simultaneously warms and aches at this sentiment. 
you consider what it would be like to be with him. things would be difficult, yes, but not impossible. maybe you’ll come to regret it someday, but you don’t want to think about that right now. you feel like the luckiest girl in the world when you think of the fact that somebody so beautiful, inside and out, wants to be with you. you don't think you’ve done anything particularly special for him, but he still wants and accepts you for everything that you are and ever will be.
“okay,” you say shakily, and you finally recognize that his hands are still very much cupping your face, fingers lovingly rubbing against your cheeks. he smiles in pure relief at your answer, but he makes no move to break away his hold on you. 
you notice how his gaze flicks between your eyes and your lips, and you decide you'll have mercy on him as you lean up to him and press a chaste kiss on his pouty lips before parting. he’s visibly red at the action, and you grin at how flustered he looks. on beomgyu’s end, he feels another bloom of excitement and swell of hope threatening to overcome him. when he looks at the playfulness in your eyes, he smiles even wider. 
“i love you,” he whispers affectionately.
you pause before you tell him:
“i love you, too, beoms.”
-
that night, beomgyu is even clingier than usual. he sticks like gum to your side. when you head to sleep, he eagerly nestles in your bed and holds his arms wide open. you follow his lead and settle into his warm embrace. he sings you one of his favorite songs you’ve ever shown him. the last words you hear before you sink into sleep are:
“to die by your side
is such a heavenly way to die
to die by your side, well
the pleasure, the privilege is mine”
notes pt. 2: sfw work ends here!
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you and beomgyu have been “together” for a few weeks now, so the relationship is still very new. surprisingly or not, things seem more or less the same. you guess you never realized just how intimate you two have always been until you put a label on things. the only tangible differences are that instead of just a mere hug when he greets you, he plants kisses all over your face before finding his ways to your lips. and when you’re watching movies or even just talking, he’ll steal a kiss or two. and when you head to bed, you know you can expect him to catch your lips like a man starved before you sleep. things get heated, sometimes, but they never lead to anything besides labored breaths and promises to calm himself down. you take his hesitancy as him wanting to take it slow and treasure your first time together, and you realize he still may be traumatized from the years he spent as a sexbot. 
you have apologized to him for telling soobin his secret. you let him know your reasoning for telling him, and he accepted your apology quite graciously. honestly? he was never mad, and he tells you that very clearly, but you still feel somewhat guilty even when he says he understands. your guilt is only absolved when he says he’s thankful you told soobin because things may have never changed without his wise input. he says that he’s grateful to soobin for being a voice of reason in the face of your emotional density. you blushed when he told you this, and apologized for being so slow on the uptake, but he just assured you that he wouldn’t have you any other way, which made you love him even more, somehow. 
you’re now about to go to soobin’s again for another get together with your friends. second time’s the charm, you cheekily told him when you brought it up, and he blushed in response. when you two walk through the doorway, everyone cheers. you greet everyone as usual, and beomgyu tries his best to keep his searing jealousy at bay, but his anxiety starts clawing at him as soobin seats himself next to you and asks you how you are. 
you giggle and tell him you’re doing well, and he responds by updating you on his tumultuous work life. beomgyu immediately wonders why you haven’t told soobin about your new relationship. are you embarrassed to be seen with him? it’s not like he doesn’t understand, what with him technically being made out of wires and machinery. of course a human like you wouldn’t want to be seen with a metal man like him. you could have the entire world in your hands if you wanted, so what’s the point of playing pretend with a fake like him? maybe, if he were you, he’d be embarrassed, too. he likes to think that maybe you aren’t like that, but at the end of the day, how could you not be? he’s nothing more than a robot masquerading as the real thing. 
his anxiety worsens the more in depth your conversation with soobin gets. you try to include him by briefly giving him context about the stories soobin tells, but he can’t stop himself from worrying. again, he feels like soobin is stealing you away from him, and his mood sours. 
your other friends try to talk to him, too, but he’s very obviously in a bad mood as he watches you two continue to laugh together. when you finally do turn to beomgyu, you immediately notice how awful he looks. 
“beoms? are you alright?” you ask gingerly, but beomgyu’s discomfort is not at all placated even at the term of endearment. 
“‘m fine,” he mumbles, and you’re genuinely in shock at his change of attitude. soobin looks very concerned, but he excuses himself to get a drink so you two can work it out, though he has an inkling of an idea of what’s triggering beomgyu. 
“what’s wrong with you?” you ask concernedly, but he shakes his head sulkily.
“do you wanna go home?” you offer, and he immediately nods. you look torn for a second, but when you see how sad he looks, you know you can’t deny him.
you say your goodbyes to your friends and apologize for leaving early, but everyone says they understand. soobin makes you promise to host the next get together, though, to which you happily agree. 
the ride home is mostly silent, but you look over to beomgyu in concern every so often. you grab his hand and squeeze it in a way you hope is comforting, but he doesn’t look any better at all.
when you enter your house, you immediately head to your bedroom, and he follows you in silence. you sit on the bed and pat the space next to you. 
“beoms, what’s the matter?” you ask pleadingly as you grab his hands, and his heart, which was previously aching, is (a little) soothed by your concern. 
“i-it’s nothing,” he answers, but you can tell that he’s lying because of the way he refuses to make eye contact with you. 
“baby, i can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong,” you say. you’re right, and he knows you’re right, but you’re already doing him the favor of a lifetime just by deigning to be with him. how could he dare to ask for more? he’s ashamed at the thought, but you look so sincere, and he knows in his metaphorical heart that he needs to be able to communicate with you if you two are going to have any shot at a lasting relationship.
“i-i’m just j-jealous,” he sputters. 
“oh, baby, why?” you ask. 
“because i’m not like you,” he admits after a pause. “i already feel like i’m not good enough for you, so seeing you with someone who actually is makes me feel awful.”
“who? soobin?” and you’re absolutely petrified when he sheepishly nods. 
“honey, it’s not like that at all,” you tell him. “we’re just friends, i promise.” 
“but it would be so much easier to be with him. you wouldn’t have to be ashamed about telling everyone you’re with an android,” he argues. 
“beomgyu, i am not ashamed of you. i just wasn’t sure if you felt comfortable with me telling everyone. if you want me to tell them, i’ll happily do it. you’re so good, how could i ever be embarrassed of you?” his eyes soften.
“do you mean it?” he asks, and you nod. 
“do i not show it enough? how much i love you, i mean.” he furiously shakes his head no, but you know it’s a lie. beomgyu himself will admit that he needs more validation than most people, and it’s going to take him a while to ever get over it because of his own issues. that doesn’t mean you can’t try to help him, though, so you brush his cheek with your hands before wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a kiss. 
“does this make you feel better?” you ask after you pull away, but he still looks somewhat depressed, so you pull him in again before pressing your lips against his. this time, you swipe your tongue on his pout, which makes him gasp. you tease your tongue against his and electricity thrums between you two when you do it. he reciprocates your enthusiasm immediately, and before long, you’re both sucking and teasing each other until you’re out of breath.
you pull away again and rest your forehead against his. 
“better?” you question.
“a little,” he says. “m-maybe a little more?” you grin at his coquettishness, and you go in for another kiss. your tongues tangle, but you don’t stop there. your mouth travels, peppering kisses down his jaw to his sensitive neck. he shivers at the contact when you swipe your tongue over his unmarred skin before lightly sucking. he lets out a broken moan when you do it, and it reverberates throughout your entire body and straight to your core. 
“better?” you ask again.
“m-more,” he pants. 
“anything you want, baby,” you tease before your lips hungrily capture his. one of your hands snakes its way up his shirt, and he gasps when you roll his hardened nipple between your fingers. beomgyu is more sensitive than most people, as is the nature of his model, so every little touch drives him crazy. 
you seem to have noticed this, so when your other hand palms his hardened length through his sweatpants and he almost screams, you have to bite back a giggle. 
“d-don’t tease,” he begs, and you’d do anything for beomgyu, really, but not this time.
you palm him even more harshly and his breath catches in his throat. 
“more?” you ask, and he fervently nods. you oblige, sliding your hand under his waistband and teasing the sensitive skin around his length. your fingers brush against it every so often, and he involuntarily bucks every time you do. 
“c-can i touch you?” he practically implores.
“of course, my love,” you tell him as you remove your devious hands and pull your top off before unclipping your bra. 
his mouth waters when he sees you, and you can see him gulp almost comically as his big hands meet your breasts. he copies your movement from earlier, rolling your sensitive buds between his very clearly experienced fingers. you let out a contented sigh at the action, but you won’t let this be all about you, so your hand sneaks it way back down his pants. this time, you grab his girthy cock and give it a harsh tug. his actions stutter, and you smirk devilishly at how fucked out he is when the fun part hasn’t even begun. 
you pull at his waistband, and he eagerly tugs his pants and boxers off as soon you do it. he even goes as far as to tear his t-shirt off over his head before he pulls your half-naked body flush against his, falling onto the bed as he desperately kisses you for everything that you’re worth. eventually, he situates himself on top of you, rutting his thick, long cock onto your still clothed thigh. you didn’t really get a chance to get a good look at him before, but you’re able to look down at him now, and you realize his dick is gorgeous. just like every other part of him. it stands tall, blushing profusely at the tip and practically weeping precum. it’s a bit hooked, too, no doubt to elicit the most pleasure out of his clients. your pussy is drenched just thinking about how it’ll feel when it’s inside of you.
he almost rips your bottoms off of you and his mouth waters even more at the sight of your pussy, all slick and glistening in anticipation for what’s to come. 
“so gorgeous,” he whispers as he prepares to lay himself between your legs, but you hook them around his waist before he can do so. tonight will be all about him, you’ve decided, so you tug him closer and put one of his pretty nipples in your mouth, swirling your tongue on it and occasionally nipping at the sensitive skin. your other hand continues to tweak the other one before you alternate between the two, causing him to let out a low, guttural groan. 
eventually, he goes in for another kiss, all tongue and teeth and saliva, and you take one of your hands and harshly clench around the base of his throbbing cock. 
“is this what you needed, beoms?” you tease, and he nods pathetically as you tug again, harder this time, and let your hands stroke all the way up to his reddened tip. your thumb glides over his slit, and he’s seeing stars. 
“i don’t know why you’re so jealous of someone else, my love. you’re so perfect,” you praise, and his ears get even redder, somehow, in spite of the situation you’re both in.
“i — nghh — i don’t like when you’re with him,” he pants, in spite of everything you're doing to him. “only want you with me.”
“oh, baby, you have me,” you coo. “always.” and with that, you begin to feverishly jerk him off with one hand while the other returns to his nipple. his hips buck with every movement, and his eyes are screwed shut. you can tell he’s about to come before you completely take your hands off of him. 
“n-no! w-why?” he asks with a crack in his voice, watery eyes shooting open at the sudden action.
“don’t you wanna come in my pussy, instead? it’s warmer and wetter than my hand,” you ask with faux innocence with a tilt of your head, and his previously aggrieved demeanor morphs back into pure lust. 
“that’s what i thought,” you giggle as you grab his length and rub it against your slickness. he groans at the feeling, but you don’t immediately take him in, opting to instead roll your hips up, just barely letting his flared head catch against your entrance. 
“baby, please,” he whines, and with a smirk, you finally wrap your legs around his waist and line him up with your entrance. you just barely take the tip in, easing it into your pussy, before you force him out again. he gasps raggedly at how tight you are, and he’s wound up so much, he feels like he’s on the brink of exploding. he’s about to take matters into his own hands before you guide him back inside of you, and he feels your walls struggling to accommodate him. 
“s-so tight! h-how are you so tight?” he hisses, eyes reddened and face strained, but you’re far too busy with the euphoric feeling of him finally inside of you to reply. he eases in inch after throbbing inch, and it is a snug fit, indeed. he almost wonders if he’ll even fit, but though the stretch burns you, the pleasure is too great to ignore. finally, your walls slightly relax, and he’s able to completely sheath himself in you. you both moan as his tip pulsates against your cervix, and he considerately gives you time to adjust, walls contracting wildly around him, before he attempts to pull out and really begin. 
“stop,” you command before he can do so, and his eyes fill with worry at your words. 
“w-what’s wrong?” he stutters. 
“oh, nothing,” you say between pants. “i just want to see how long you can last.” 
“w-what do you —”
and you interrupt him with a kiss. he ravenously reciprocates it, and he can’t help but unconsciously thrust his hips, tapping deliciously on the deepest parts of you, but you prevent him from ever fully pulling out. you tangle one of your hands through his hair and grip it — not hard enough to hurt, but enough to make him groan into your mouth. 
“c-can i move?” he pleads, but you shake your head no. 
“why?” he whimpers, but you just smirk as you kiss him again and bite his bottom lip. 
he doesn’t know how long you two stay like that, but it’s far too long for his liking. he feels his dick swell, and you still refuse to let him move, but you teasingly scrape your fingers against his balls and it’s all he can do not to come. 
“p-please let me move, it hurts,” he cries, tears now flowing from his eyes. for once, sex is all about beomgyu and what feels good to him. he could cry just from the sentiment alone, but his current tears are the direct result of how you’re teasing him.
“and where does it hurt, baby? use your words, i know you can.” 
“h-hurts, my c-cock hurts,” he sputters out. 
“and would pounding my pussy make you feel better?” you goad, and he whines even louder at the imagery. 
“y-yes,” he sobs, and you smile as you say your next words.
“such a good boy. you can move.” and that’s all it takes, really, before he’s pulling out despite your cunt’s attempts to suck him back in, and ramming himself back inside of you again and again.
the curve of his cock hits places previously untouched, and your walls spasm around him at the sensation.
“does it feel good, beoms?” 
“s-so good,” he mumbles as drool pools off of his tongue and out of his mouth, eyes rolling to the back of his head. “so warm and t-tight.” you clench against your will at his filthy words, and it makes a strangled cry leave his throat. 
“pussy so good, baby. your pussy is the b-best,” he babbles, and your lips meet his again before your mouth travels down, sucking a blooming hickey onto his neck. he trembles at the pain that comes with the pleasure, but somehow, he still has the presence of mind to roll his skilled fingers against your clit. just a few touches, and you already feel your orgasm approaching. he can feel every spasm of yours, and it makes his dick twitch inside of you as he wildly fucks you open. 
he’s drilling into you so hard, you have to dig your fingernails into the skin of his back to keep yourself grounded. with each thrust, you feel more and more like you’re about to burst. 
“gonna come!” you whine. 
“do it, baby. c-come all over my cock,” he pleads.
“come inside? want it so bad,” you mewl.
“of course, my angel. a-anything for you,” he tells you as he tenderly brushes your hair out of your sweaty face, and he hammers himself into you at an inhuman pace as you feel the pressure in you crescendo into a searing hot orgasm. you clench even tighter around him while you come, gripping him so forcefully he can barely pull out, so his thrusts become sloppy and uncoordinated before he rams himself into you one last time and paints your inner walls with his cum.
you two stay like that for a while, just panting and basking in the feeling of closeness you feel. he presses a kiss on your forehead as he relaxes his arms and lays on top of you. you giggle at the intimacy and he finds himself sharing your laughter, your joy. 
“you’re so beautiful,” he says between breaths, nuzzling his face into your neck and sighing. “i love you.”
“i love you, too, beoms,” you tell him, and you do love him. unconditionally.
notes pt. 3: :,) :,) :,)))))) i'm very sorry if this was disappointing but i hope it was worth it! i would love to hear your thoughts or answer any questions you may have about this fic/universe. feedback is needed to a disgusting degree bc i need validation to survive #sorry
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httpsleclerc · 1 month ago
Text
the second date
pairings: Charles Leclerc x Single!Mom!Verstappen!Reader, Charles Leclerc x Romy Verstappen (BABY!OC)
summary: A peak into yours and Romy's second meeting with Charles
warnings: none for this part!
word count: 1.7k
a/n: I really love this little part I think its so cute! Let me know what you think by leaving a comment here or in my inbox!
series masterlist // main masterlist
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The sun beamed down on Monte Carlo, an accurate symbol of how you had been feeling in the days since your first meeting with Charles. Talking to and with him, you felt like you could almost forget everything that had happened with Lukas - Almost. You were well aware that you would always have constant reminder of your ex, but that was in no way Romy's fault, you had spoken to Max and Kelly, proposing the idea to them that until or if she asked, you wouldn't tell your daughter about her father, and even then, depending on her age, you would only tell her the appropriate parts - That at some point he had been a good man, and that there came a point where you did what was best for her.
Max had laughed, saying that you were being too polite by calling Lukas a good man - Claiming that that would have been like calling Jos father of the year. Kelly had elbowed him after that, telling you that that sounded like a good plan.
You looked down, smiling at Romy as she curiously eyed all of the trees and greenery above her, giving you a gummy smile as she saw your face in her vision. You adjusted the umbrella to cover her face, protecting her sensitive skin from the harsh rays of the sun - You and Kelly had laughed as you asked Max if he could help you try and apply a layer of sunscreen onto Romy, which you two had known would be no easy feat. However, your older brother, seemingly the baby soother, had managed to apply not one, but two layers of heavy duty sunscreen onto your daughter.
"I see you, Romy," You spoke to her, fondly smiling as she babbled back to you. "Oh you're very talkative, I think you know who we're going to see." You said, scanning for the brunette Monegasque, waving over to him as you saw him sitting on a bench.
It had been Charles' idea to meet you in Romy in a more secluded park in a beautiful area of Monte Carlo, Max had told him that you would most likely need worked up to going to busier areas, especially with Romy. You had always been anxious, your older brother knew that better than anyone did, but he couldn't imagine how you would be feeling having been isolated for so long and going back into such busy environments, never mind adding the single most precious thing in your life into the mix. So, Charles had thought of the small, yet beautiful park that his parents had brought himself and his brothers to as children.
He was trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach he got when he saw you make your way over to him, smiling as he heard Romy babbling from within her stroller. He knew that it would be wrong to propose a relationship to you right now, considering the relationship you had just come out of - He understood if you just wanted to be friends for a bit, he loved both you and Romy too much to miss out on anything.
"Hello you two," He greeted you, a charming smile on his face. You had to admit, Charles was incredibly handsome, but you had always known him to be.
"Hi Charles, nice to see you again," You said cheerily, putting the brake on Romy's stroller so you could lift her out and on to your lap, settling down on the bench beside Charles. "You picked a beautiful day." You told him, smiling as you placed your daughter on your lap, letting her play with the rings on your fingers. 
"I know, you know my parents used to bring me and my brothers here? I thought that maybe it could be something we could do with Romy," He said, only to stumble over his words as you looked at him, your eyebrows furrowed. "Nono, I-I didn't mean like a date or anything like that...not that I don't want something like that with you! I think you're really pretty and Romy is the most perfect little girl and-...I am making a fool of myself, aren't I?" He held his head in hands, his cheeks heating up as he realised how much he had been rambling.
You giggled, placing your free hand on Charles' back as a means to try and comfort him. He looked up at you, a blush creeping over his cheeks as he made eye contact with you.
"I'd love to do this with you as a tradition, Charles, I um...I just don't think that I'm quite ready for anything more than friends right now," You told him - Charles was at least happy that you could be honest with him, instead of dating him out of pity for his inability to shut up. "I really like being friends with you, Cha, Romy loves you too. You really make me feel listened to, in a way that Max and Kelly don't really get - they look after Romy and I but you..you're different, but in a good way." You assured him, smiling as you ran your hand up and down his back.
As if sensing his sadness, Romy started wriggling in your arms, babbling as she reached for Charles, who immediately perked up as the small girl reached out for him.
"Can I?" You nodded, you loved how he asked before taking your daughter out of your arms. You softly smiled, seeing how content both him and your daughter were with each other - You had seen Charles in interviews, talking about he had wanted 3 children, you could see him outnumbered by girls, begging their daddy to do their hair and play princesses and tea parties. It was funny, you had never imagined yourself having kids, especially not one at 22, but now that you had Romy, you couldn't imagine your life without it, it felt like her being here with you, she completed you - She was your baby and you were her mother, nothing could ever, and would ever change that. "She's so cute, and I see that she let you put her socks on her this time." He recounted, making you laugh as you remembered the day that you had first met up with Charles, more specifically you remembered the 15 minute battle you had with Romy about putting her socks on.
"Max actually got her sorted for today, you would be surprised at how good he is with babies," Charles nodded - He, more than anyone, was probably most familiar with how you and Max were raised, so hearing you talk about how great that your older brother was with your daughter, was almost a shock; Two people who he had expected to want nothing to do with children, had become in closest contact with them, with you being a mother and Max having such a close bond with Penelope. "I'm going to go get something to drink, do you want anything?" You offered him with a smile, watching as Romy, who normally screamed and cried any time you left her, remained perfectly happy in Charles' arms.
"Just a water please, cherie," He responded, gently bouncing Romy on his knee as he watched you nod and walk away, over to the small concessions stand. "Such a pretty girl, aren't you Romy? Just like your mama." Charles spoke to the baby girl on his lap, grinning as she giggled and clapped her small hands together, babbling to him. He sighed as he sat back against the bench, Romy resting against him as she settled down - Charles was thankful he hadn't made a complete fool of himself, although disappointment did weigh on the fact that you weren't looking for a relationship at the moment; However, he understood, and would continue with your friendship.
You made your way back over to the bench where Charles and your daughter sat, Romy having settled against him, almost asleep on his chest. 
"Oh, she um...I think she's asleep, Charles," You said quietly, placing a hand on your daughter's small back. He looked down, noticing that Romy, had in fact, fallen asleep on him. He looked up at you, clearly never having had a baby fall asleep, judging by the almost bewildered look in his eyes. "It's okay, just relax, I'll put her in the stroller so she can sleep with the sun umbrella covering her." You told him, lifting your sleeping daughter off of his chest so he could move without fear of waking her. Making sure that she was in securely, you sat back down, handing Charles the water you had bought him.
"She's so calm, I don't think I've seen a baby sleep so much or fuss so little," You chuckled at Charles' thoughts on your daughter. "Uh oh, that tells me otherwise." He grinned, prompting you to tell him more.
"She's cute, but she uses it to her advantage. She's got her uncle Max wrapped around her little finger already, Kelly and I told him off the other day because she was being fussy because Max had a stroopwafell and she wanted some," You told him, smiling as you remembered the look on your brothers face as Kelly told him off, while you attempted to take the sweet treat out of your daughter's tight grasp. "Getting her onto solids has also been a nightmare, she's a fussy little monster sometimes."
"I bet you wouldn't change her for the world," Charles smiled fondly at you, watching as you studied your sleeping baby carefully. You shook your head, turning to look at the Monegasque once more.
"Absolutely not, I wish I could change her father, but the only plus from him was that he gave me her...my baby girl," You smiled widely, your heart beaming with nothing but adoration for the life that you created. He also smiled, watching you with the same adoration, even if you didn't share the sentiment right now, Charles was almost certain you shared the same feelings, and he would wait until you were ready.
<3
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soaps-mohawk · 1 month ago
Text
Cherry Red, Cimson Blood
Chapter 41: Revenge
Summary: A surprise trip to America has things turning in a direction no one thought they would
Pairing: Poly 141 x reader
Word Count: 6,390
Warnings: Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, a/b/o, alternate universe, dead dove: do not eat, graphic violence, torture, on screen death, stabbing, knives, choking, punching, blood, aftermath of death, emotions, angst, trauma, very small hint of comfort
A/N: Please, please heed the warnings. This chapter deals with some heavy topics and rehashes a lot of Chapter 34. I've put a trigger warning before everything starts and if you don't want to read it then skip from there to the next section. You'll be able to put two and two together from there.
Also if you haven't seen, I went back and changed a pretty major plot point from chapter 34 onward and it will need to be read to really understand this chapter
MASTERLIST | <- Previous | Next ->
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“You’re in charge.” John says, passing over the keys to Dr. Keller. “Hold down the fort. Take some time for yourself.” 
“Invite over Ashley.” Kyle winks as he passes. 
“Cute.” Dr. Keller says, rolling her eyes. 
“Call if anything happens.” John continues, ignoring Kyle’s remark. “You know how to get a hold of us.” 
“I do.” Dr. Keller nods. “I’ll make sure the cottage is still standing when you get back.” She glances at the car. “Take care of her.” 
“We will. We’ll make sure she’s still in one piece when we get back.” 
“You better.” Dr. Keller says, giving him a look. “Safe travels.” 
Kyle closes the car door, cutting off the rest of the conversation. You’re squeezed in the back of the car between him and Johnny. It is a tight squeeze between the two of them and their broad shoulders. It’s not the most comfortable position, but the decision to leave one car behind has sealed your fate. 
Simon is in the front passenger seat, looking about as happy to be there as you feel. His arm is leaned against the door, his gaze set out the front windshield. His scent is thick in the air, musky and leathery. It’s a mixed cocktail of scents in the small enclosed space, but Simon’s is the loudest. 
John opens the driver’s side door, climbing into the car. It felt cramped before, but now it feels almost claustrophobic. 
“Just an hour drive and you can stretch your legs.” He says, and you know he’s talking to you. 
“Where are we going?” You ask as he drives down the long driveway. 
“America.” He says, giving you the same answer he gave you before. 
“Why?” You ask, knowing what the answer is going to be. 
“We have some things we need to take care of.” He answers simply. 
“What things?” You pry, already guessing where this conversation is going to go. 
“I already told you.” He replies. Simon glances at him, but says nothing. 
“You told me nothing.” You purse your lips. 
“It’s a surprise.” He says, almost like he’s rehearsed this before. 
“I hate surprises.” You say, leaning back in your seat, your scent souring a bit. “If you bothered to pay attention you’d know that.” The last bit is hardly more than a murmur, but you know he heard you in the enclosed space. 
It falls silent in the car, the five of you sitting there awkwardly after the exchange. It’s been a long time since you’ve been so bombarded by their scents all at once, and it’s been a long time since they’ve been so surrounded by your own scent. It reminds you of that time months ago after Simon returned from his solo assignment when you’d kissed in the car and nearly drove them all insane with an explosion of your scent. 
Only this time, your scent has gone sour with your displeasure and agitation at the lack of information from John.
This time Simon is the first to cave, cracking the car window to let in some air and disperse the heavy scents. 
It’s going to be a long hour. 
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Traveling is your worst nightmare. 
Or, at least, traveling like this. 
It’s only the five of you on the plane, some private jet that Kate had procured. It’s a nice plane, but at the same time, being enclosed with your pack for nine hours isn’t exactly ideal. You thought the cottage was bad at times, but at least there you could go outside and escape from them. 
Now you’re really stuck with them. 
Thankfully they’ve mostly left you alone for the duration of the flight, letting you sit in your seat with a book in silence. John and Simon have been in a corner conversing for the better part of the flight, glancing at you every so often. Johnny has slept through most of it, reclined in a seat not far from them. You wondered for a moment if he was faking it to listen in, but when the snores started you knew he really was out. Kyle is in a position not unlike your own, huddled in a seat with a book, minding his own business. 
You really want to know what John and Simon are discussing, what has held their attention for so long. It’s gotten heated a few times, John’s brows pulling into a frown, his lips moving rapidly. Simon’s shoulders keep squaring and relaxing, giving you insight into the rise and fall of emotions during the conversation. You can imagine his face mirroring John’s, his brows pinching in worry or frustration or perhaps even anger. 
Whatever it is, it’s serious enough to last a good part of the flight.
You’re ushered into a car almost as soon as the wheels touch the tarmac and the plane has stopped. You’re stuck between Johnny and Kyle again, but at least the SUV is spacious enough to not have you crammed in like sardines. Your legs are stiff and sore after sitting for the better part of eight hours, but you’re not about to complain. Not with the way John’s hands are gripping the steering wheel. 
If you didn’t know better, you might have thought he was having second thoughts about whatever is happening. 
You still don’t know. 
They still haven’t told you. 
The airstrip the jet landed in looked to be a private one as well, isolated in a grassy area with rolling hills of green and a few sparse trees missing their leaves. You almost fear it might be Texas again, given the warmth of the air for a time so late in the year, but you want to believe they wouldn’t be that cruel to you. At least you hope that’s the case. 
The drive takes longer than the one in England, time seeming to stretch on endlessly as it did in the plane. You’re tired after the flight, but curiosity is keeping you awake and aware. You almost wish you had your book, but it’s stuffed in the back with the small bag you’d been allowed to bring. The others had small bags as well, and you can only imagine what is inside them. 
It makes your insides crawl with nerves. 
The exhaustion becomes too much as the naked trees and rolling hills continue to pass by outside the car. It’s quiet in the car, the tense silence not even enough to keep you awake as your head begins to droop onto Kyle’s shoulder. 
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You’re jolted awake as the car comes to a stop. 
The muffled sound of car doors closing outside reaches your ears as you peel your eyes open. 
“Come on.” Kyle says softly, gently shifting you with his shoulder. “Time to get up.” 
You let out a quiet grunt, rubbing your eyes. The world outside is full of grey sky and naked tree limbs from the angle you’re at. John and Simon’s doors slam as they exit the car, the warmth on your other side disappearing as Johnny gets out as well. Gravel crunches outside as Kyle opens his door, easing you so you’re sitting upright. 
The SUV is parked facing another one, and the world behind it opens into more green fields. Kyle slides out of the car, hitting gravel before offering you a hand. You blink the sleep from your eyes, taking the offered hand. 
There’s three other SUVs parked in the gravel, people dressed in plain clothes moving around an old, rickety barn. John is standing halfway between the car and the barn, conversing with Kate. You blink in surprise. You haven’t seen her since she dropped you off with your pack almost a year ago now.
Whatever they’re discussing, it seems to be serious. 
Kyle puts a hand on your back, leading you towards them. 
“Hi honey,” Kate greets you with a small smile, the seriousness melting on her face in almost a performative manner. “How are you holding up?” 
“I don’t know.” You say, wrapping your arms around yourself. “Depends on why I’m here.” 
“You didn’t tell her?” Kate says in surprise, turning back towards John. 
“I knew what she’d say if I told her.” John says. 
You purse your lips again, disliking being talked about as if you’re not standing right there.
Kate looks like she wants to say something, but she doesn’t, instead she takes half a step back. “Better get this over with, then.” 
John turns towards you, wrapping a hand around your wrist. “Come on.” 
You almost dig your heels in and demand he tell you, but you don’t. You have a feeling you’re about to find out regardless as he leads you towards the barn. Simon and Johnny are waiting by the doors, Kyle following close behind you. Nerves are starting to flutter in your stomach, your insides twisting in fear. What the hell is on the other side of those doors and why does everyone seem so serious about it? 
Johnny’s face is hard set, Simon’s eyes blank as John pauses in front of the door for a moment. 
They’re not themselves. 
You’re looking at Task Force 141. 
Simon slides the barn door open, your stomach clenching painfully. It’s dark in the barn, but not dark enough you can’t see. Grey light seeps in through holes in the roof and sides, giving the barn an eerie look, like you’re about to step into a horror movie. 
John’s hand tightens around your wrist, tugging you forward into the musty air inside the barn. You want to dig your heels in now, fight him and scream not to drag you inside. Your hand is shaking, curling in on itself until your nails dig into your palm. 
“Hi darlin’. Didn’t know you’d be joining us too.” 
You feel like you’ve been punched in the gut, the breath leaving your lungs. 
“Phil.” You breathe, nearly choking around his name. 
He’s seated in the middle of the barn, restrained in a chair. He looks far too comfortable and casual sitting there, greeting you like he would an old friend. 
There’s a table beside him filled with all sorts of instruments. Knives, scalpels, an ice pick. 
Your stomach twists as you realize what’s about to happen. 
The other four approach Phil, leaving a gap so you can see him as you linger behind. You have half a mind to turn and run out the now closed door, but something keeps your feet frozen to the ground. 
“You’re wasting your time.” Phil says, addressing the four members of your pack now. “I don’t know where Shepherd is.” 
“That’s not why we’re here.” John says, his voice deeper and rougher than it had been just outside. “You tortured a member of our pack.”
“Our omega.” Johnny says through gritted teeth. 
“Oh I see, a little revenge then.” Phil says, a smirk lifting on his lips as he stares at you. “And you brought a little audience.” 
***Content Warning: Torture ***
You jump as Simon takes a step forward, rearing back before punching Phil across the face. His head snaps to the side from the force of it, a grunt leaving his lips. Simon grips his chin, yanking his head back to the other side so Phil is looking up at him. 
“We’re going to do the same to you that you did to her.” He growls out. 
The words have a shiver tickling down your spine. 
Simon releases Phil before drawing his fist back to throw another punch. Nausea churns in your stomach as something cracks, the sound echoing in the silence. 
“Solid hit, big man.” Phil grins, spitting onto the floor before sitting up straight again. “You’re going to have to hit me harder than that.” His eyes flicker to you as you stand there in shock. “You can ask your omega how hard I hit her.” 
Johnny surges forward, wrapping his hand around Phil’s throat. “Give me a knife. I’ll cut his tongue out.” 
Phil lets out a choked sound, your own throat constricting a bit from the memory of Phil’s hand choking you. Tears fill your eyes as Phil’s face begins to go purple from the lack of oxygen. 
“Easy.” John says, easing Johnny off of Phil. “We’re not done yet.” 
Phil lets out a choking cough, his hands straining where they’re tied to the arms of the chair. “Not bad.” He coughs out, his face still red. “Gonna have to try harder than that.” 
John punches him in the face, sending his head snapping the other direction. Blood trickles from his lip, his tongue darting out to lick the wound. 
“Of course the alpha would spill the first drop of blood.” Phil says, letting out a chuckle, his gaze returning to you. “This is going to take a while, sweetheart. Why don’t you go back outside and wait for your boys to be done, hm?” 
“No.” John says, his hand closing into a fist again. “She’s going to watch every last bit of this.” 
Your stomach churns as he throws another punch at Phil, this one landing with another sickening crack. You don’t really want to watch this, but at the same time, there’s a sick sense of satisfaction filling you as your pack takes revenge on your behalf. Your omega is nearly purring, watching in glee as they drive punch after punch into Phil’s face. 
“You’re going to have to try harder than that.” Phil chokes out around Simon’s hand where it’s wrapped around his throat. 
“We’re just getting started.” Kyle says, grabbing a knife from the table. 
Phil lets out a pained yell as Kyle stabs the knife into his bicep, slowly dragging it down his arm. It’s deeper than Phil had cut you, blood pouring out of the open wound. Your stomach twists, nausea bubbling up into your throat. How easy this all seems for them. 
How easily Phil had tortured you. 
Your fingers trace the thin, pink line down your own arm, your skin burning with a reminder of what happened to you. 
The realization of what’s happening settles in as Kyle drives the knife into Phil’s chest, dragging it downward in another deep cut. You do want to turn around and go outside. You don’t want to watch this anymore. 
The soft call of your name has you coming back to yourself. Your pack has turned to face you now. You hadn’t even realized that you had turned your head away. Tears have trailed down your cheeks, your breath hitching. 
It’s John that’s called your name, his hand outstretched. He’s holding the ice pick. Your shoulder throbs at the sight of it. The memory of one almost exactly like it being stabbed into your scent gland has a whimper leaving your lips. You know what he’s asking, what he’s offering. Phil inflicted the worst pain you’ve ever felt onto you. Now you’re being offered the chance to do the same to him. 
Your omega is screaming, yelling at you to take it, to return what he did back to him. It’s his fault this happened. Weeks of pain and agony that you will always remember. He did that to you. 
You’re moving before you even realize it, your fingers wrapping around the cold metal. Your omega is taking over again, driving that instinctual violence forward again. Simon is standing behind Phil, holding his head to the side. He looks like shit, his face already bruising and covered in blood. The metallic scent of it is strong, your mind flickering back to those soldiers, his soldiers, the ones you killed with that knife. You wonder what happened to it, if it’s still laying out in the forest, the last lingering remnant of the violence that happened there. 
You stare down at Phil, at his exposed neck. He’s jerking against Simon’s hold, as if he knows and understands what’s about to happen, as if he can already sense the pain that’s about to be brought on him. Does he? Does he really understand? 
He’s about to. 
Your hand moves before you can stop it, driving the ice pick as hard as you can into his scent gland. He lets out a yowl of pain as the metal slides under his skin and into that sensitive spot. You remember it, the lightning-like pain rushing through your body, every nerve-ending on fire, every movement agony for days and days and days. 
“Hurts, doesn’t it?” You say, pushing the ice pick as far as you possibly can into his body. “It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt. Worse than all those years I sat in that institute thinking about my family, the family you helped tear me away from.” You take a step back, leaving the ice pick in his shoulder. “You’ll never forget it, that kind of pain.” 
Simon wraps his hand around the ice pick, pulling it free. Blood seeps out of the hole, pouring down Phil’s chest. He jerks in his restraints, his eyes squeezed shut. 
“You deserve to feel that kind of pain.” You say, taking another step back. 
“Look at you.” Phil laughs, tilting his head up with a wince. His eyes are on you, focused solely on you as you stand there. “Tough little thing. Turning more and more like your father, aren’t you?” His words bite at the back of your brain, your omega screaming at the insult. His eyes leave you, instead roaming over the three members of your pack standing in front of him. “No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t hide her away from this world, could you?” 
He’s not talking to you anymore. 
“You’d always leave a stain on her. Eventually it would come around. She’d get caught up in a life like this, a life of violence and bloodshed. Proud of yourselves?” He lets out a chuckle. “You ruined such sweet innocence.” 
“Shut yer fuckin’ mouth.” Johnny growls as Simon moves back around so he’s standing next to you. 
“Ooh, hit a nerve did I?” Phil laughs, turning his gaze to you. “You know your dad never checked you made it to the institute? As soon as you were out of his sight he could finally stop caring about you.” Phil licks his lips. “I should have just taken you right then. No one would have known the difference. None of this would have happened. You’d still be just a sweet little innocent girl, just like you always should have been.” 
Anger and rage burns through you at his words. Years of repressed fears and emotions surging out all at once. Later you’ll wish you could blame it on your omega, that she took over in this moment, but that’s not the case. It’s you in your true form, in your own rage at Phil for his words, for his actions, for the ways he’s ruined your life even still years later. 
Time slows as your fingers wrap around the knife strapped to Simon’s side. It slides out of its sheath easily, your body moving forward as you grip it tightly in your hand. It won’t be the first time, your brain flashing back to all of those men, men who would have done worse things to you had your omega not acted on instinct. She’s screaming at you now, still, clawing at the poorly constructed cage you’ve forced her back in, calling for violence. 
You’ll give it to her. 
The knife cuts through his skin easily, sliding downward as you stab it into his neck. Blood spurts out, coating your hands in the slippery liquid. Adrenaline courses through your body, your vision going red as you yank the knife from his throat, blood spraying out of his artery from where you’ve severed it. It’s like some gruesome renaissance painting as you’re pulled back, an arm around your waist tugging you backward away from the quickly fading body in the chair, your mouth still open in an enraged scream. 
The knife drops from your hand as you’re tugged backwards, your body falling against a solid one. Your legs feel like jelly as the adrenaline pumps through your system, your blood covered hands shaking as you stare at the lifeless body of a man you once thought of as a family friend. A man who played such an integral part in your life behind the scenes. A man who was almost your alpha, a man who would have been your alpha had it not been for the woman standing outside. 
The man who tortured you and brought you more pain than you’ve ever felt in your entire life. 
He’s dead now. He can’t ever hurt you again. 
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Nausea churns in your stomach as you sit there, staring down at your blood-soaked hands. It’s deep red and sticking to your skin, no matter how much Kyle tries to wipe at it with a t-shirt. Your body has gone numb as reality has settled in. 
You just killed a man. 
“Easy.” Kyle says, his hand warm against your chilled skin as he wraps his fingers around your arm. 
You’d jerked away from him, nearly slipping off the edge of the trunk. The trunk of the SUV is open and you’re seated on the edge of it, toes pushing into the gravel below to hold yourself up. Kyle had been trying to wipe the dried blood off of your hands, but no matter how hard he scrubbed, some of it wouldn’t come off. 
“Here.” Footsteps approach in the gravel, the rocks crunching under boots. “Go help Simon.” 
Rougher hands replace Kyle’s, wrapping around your wrists. You jump when the cold water hits your hands, shocking you out of your dazed state. You lift your gaze up to John’s face as he wipes the blood from your hands, the shirt quickly becoming stained with red streaks. 
“This wasn’t our intention. I just want you to know that.” He says, his gaze focused on your hands. “We didn’t bring you here to kill him. I just thought you might want to know what was going to happen to him. Closure. Maybe you could rest easier knowing he wasn’t ever going to see freedom again.” 
“He won’t see anything ever again.” You murmur. 
“It doesn’t make you a bad person. Heat of the moment. He was saying some vile things to you.” John tries to comfort you. 
“But that doesn’t mean I had to kill him.” 
“Maybe not. He wouldn’t have lived much longer regardless.” Your hands are starting to feel raw with how hard John is scrubbing them. It’s almost like he’s trying to wipe the fact you’re a murderer from your hands. “None of us will think any less of you for what you did.” 
You stare down at your hands as John finally relents his scrubbing. The blood is gone, but you’ll always remember the look of it staining your skin. “I’m sorry.” 
John squats down in front of you, his hands closing around yours. They’re so warm compared to your own chilled skin. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” 
“But I do. Phil was right. I’m not innocent anymore. I’m not a good omega. I lost that when I let her take over.” Tears slip down your cheeks, warm against your skin. 
“That doesn’t make you a bad omega.” John says, reaching up to wipe the tears from your cheeks. “You’ve done what you had to do to survive because of our failures. We failed to protect you like we promised and we forced you into situations you shouldn’t have ever been in. We will never be able to apologize enough for what we did.” 
“I’m scared, John.” You whisper. “I don’t want to be like this anymore.” 
His brows furrow. “Be like what?” 
“I still feel like she’s in control.” You say, more tears sliding down your cheeks. “I don’t think I’ve come back to myself at all.” 
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Tears still sting your eyes as you sit in the back of the car, watching the flames through the rearview mirror. 
“Unfortunate that the old barn burned down.” Kate says, her voice slightly muffled through the closed car door. 
“Feel sorry for the poor soul stuck inside.” John says. 
“Too bad they’ll never be identified.” 
Their words nearly make you sick again. How easily they talk about it, how easily they can detach themselves. It is their job, you suppose. This is just a normal occurrence to them. It scares you, how easily they confront death and dismiss it. It’s cold and unwelcoming, just like their attitudes had been upon your arrival. You should have known just by that. You should have turned and left when you wanted to. 
Maybe then you’d have less blood on your hands. 
Phil did deserve it, after everything. At least this way you know he won’t try to find you again, won’t try and get revenge of his own against your pack. One less loose string to worry about, John had said. 
There’s just one more that needs to be tied off. 
“Any sign of Shepherd?” John asks. 
“None yet.” Kate answers. “Alex and Farah are investigating a couple of leads. You’ll be the first to know if they find anything.” 
“Good. The sooner we can find him, the better.” 
“He can’t hide forever.” Kate says. “We’ll find him eventually.” She glances towards the car. “You’ll be alright?” 
John is quiet for a moment. “Eventually.” 
“You need anything...” 
“We’ll be sure to let you know.” 
Cold air rushes in with the smell of smoke as Kyle opens the car door. He slides in, quickly closing it. 
“We’re almost ready to go.” He says, shifting so he can put your seatbelt on for you. You’re glad he’s doing it. You’re not sure you could have managed it anyway. “Another long flight back to England.” 
You feel like you’ve spent more time on a plane in the last few hours than you have in your lifetime. You’re not even sure what day it is, or what day it will be when you get back. A week could have passed and you’d never even notice. 
“We’ll stop and get food before we go.” Kyle continues. You know he’s trying to talk to keep you distracted. “Anything you want in particular?” 
Food is the last thing you want right now. 
“Something we can eat on the road I suppose. Don’t want to linger too long anywhere.” Kyle trails off as the doors open, Johnny and Simon climbing in. It’s a tighter squeeze this time thanks to John’s coat that he put on you to keep you warm. You don’t really need it in the car, but his scent is the only thing keeping you sane right now. 
“Ye doin’ alright?” Johnny asks as he puts on his own seatbelt. 
You hum in response, not trusting yourself to answer. You don’t trust yourself to say much of anything right now. 
The smell of smoke hits your nose again as John opens the driver’s side door, climbing into the car. “Let’s get out of here.” He says, putting on his seatbelt before the car rumbles to life. 
You lean back in the seat, staring at the smoldering ashes in the rearview mirror until they disappear around a bend as John drives away from the scene. Warm fingers brush the back of your hand, Kyle’s gaze down on your lap as he slowly curls his fingers around your hand. You stare at his hand for a moment before you look away, curling your fingers around his. 
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You don’t remember much of the flight back. You slept through a good part of it, reclined in a seat just like Johnny had been on the flight to America. You barely remember the drive back to the cottage, spending most of it in a sleepy daze with your head propped on Kyle’s shoulder. 
Dr. Keller is there to greet you when you return, some delicious smell wafting from the open door of the cottage. It makes your stomach churn after hours of no food. You haven’t had much of an appetite, the memories of what had happened too fresh to allow you much else but the blissful ignorance of sleep. 
You drag your feet up the steps of the cottage, passing Dr. Keller in a haze as you head straight for the comfortable familiarity of your bed. You can hear quiet voices through the wall as you manage to work your heavy limbs out of your clothes and into something more comfortable. 
You just want to sleep more, sleep forever if it were possible. In sleep you don’t see the blood staining your hands, the spurt of blood from Phil’s neck where you’d stabbed him. You don’t see the light fading from his eyes, his body falling limp as he dies by your hand. In sleep you’re not a murderer, you can go back to when things were easier, when nothing mattered but being a good omega for your pack. Back when your only stress was making a good impression and doing your job like you’re supposed to. 
What a shitty omega you’ve become. You can’t even hold your pack together anymore. 
It’s not like they’re putting in much effort themselves, though. 
Maybe you should let things fall apart. Maybe it would be easier on everyone if you just moved past this, moved on to an unhappy, short life in a care facility while your pack got to live out the rest of their days with nothing but a painful memory of the short stint they got as a full pack. 
Phil was right. You’re not a sweet innocent little girl anymore. That person died as soon as you were forced into this pack. Maybe this was inevitable. By being forced with them you would always become like them. Good omegas learn to adapt to mesh well with their pack, giving up personality and wants in favor of making alphas happy. Maybe this is what they want, maybe this was the way things were always going to end up. You were doomed from the start to become just like them. 
You press your face into your pillow as tears slide down your cheeks, willing yourself to fall into the sweet embrace of sleep once again. 
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“John told me what happened.” Dr. Keller says as you sit outside in the cold morning air. “I just want you to know that it doesn’t make me think any less of you.” 
You wish she would. You wish she’d yell and reprimand you for killing someone. You wish any of them would call you a bad person, a wicked soul capable of taking the life of someone else. 
They’re all acting like it’s normal, like it was nothing. 
You hate it. 
“You’re not a bad person.” She says. 
“I killed someone.” You retort. 
“Did you?” 
Her words make you pause. You did. You remember the blood staining your hands, the warm spray of it from Phil’s neck. It was your hand that drove the knife. 
“I want you to walk me through what happened. Step by step.” She says. 
You let out a sigh. It’s not the first time you’ve been over it in the last day. “They were torturing him, but he wouldn’t stop talking. He said that he wished he had just taken me instead of sending me to the institute, and how that way I’d still be an innocent little girl.” Your voice starts to shake. “I got really mad. I barely remember grabbing the knife.” 
“Right there.” Dr. Keller interrupts you. “Walk me through that second by second. What were you feeling beyond just anger?” 
You pause for a moment, thinking it over. What were you feeling? “Blinding rage.” You say. “I was so angry because he helped ruin my life just because he wanted me.” You swallow the lump in your throat. “Just the idea of being his...” Nausea churns in your stomach. “It’s like my brain went numb. It acted on instinct. I didn’t even know Simon had a knife until I was grabbing it.” 
“What was your omega feeling in those moments?” 
You pause to think again. You hadn’t taken into consideration your omega during your ruminations, when you’d told Dr. Keller your side of the events the last few times. “She was...angry too. But, at first, she liked it. She liked Phil being tortured. She wanted me to stab him with the ice pick.” You swallow thickly. “Why did I do that? Why didn’t I say no?” 
“Revenge is a fascinating part of human thought processes.” Dr. Keller says. “In the moment, it fires up those reward centers of the brain. It feels good, feels satisfying. The desire to act on those impulsive needs to dole out justice against someone that wronged you is natural. While it’s not the best idea, it’s just human nature to want to get revenge. In the heat of the moment, logic is the last thing on your mind. Throw in an uncontrolled omega and you may find yourself doing things you don’t want to do, and you don’t know why.” 
“So it was her fault.” You say, wiping your nose. 
“Not exactly. Instincts are complicated things to consider. Instincts don’t care about your feelings or what society considers acceptable. They’re natural, ingrained behaviors in response to certain stimuli and events. A bear chases you, you run. An alpha threatens you, your omega fights back. While yes, what you did may be morally questionable, in the moment, your omega didn’t care about morals or societal expectations. You felt threatened and uncomfortable and your omega acted on your behalf.” 
“It’s because she’s out of control.” You say. 
“Yes. You let her out of that specially crafted cage you learned to keep her in, and now she’s going to fight tooth and nail to stay out. You’re in a very delicate state and it’s not surprising your omega decided to act for you.” 
“She’s so violent.” You say quietly. 
“Omegas and alphas only show themselves for a handful of reasons. Usually those involve danger or extreme emotions. Omegas especially show themselves when violence is needed. We are all fighters at our core, even omegas. You yourself may not be a violent person, but your omega is unsettled. She’s on high alert and any perceived threat could set her off, or any moments of high emotions, such as witnessing what you did.” 
You look down at your hands, imagining them covered with blood again. “I wanted to leave. I should have.” 
“We can’t change what we’ve done in the past. Your omega was likely largely responsible for what happened in those moments. While that doesn’t absolve you of guilt entirely, that also means you weren’t fully in control of yourself when it happened.” She reaches out, putting a hand on yours. “I believe you when you say you didn’t want to do it. I don’t think you’re capable of it in your right mind. You’ve been through a lot over the last few weeks. I thought it was a bad idea to take you, but you know John.” 
“He thinks he knows what's best because it’s what he thinks is best.” You murmur. 
“You can confront him about that.” Dr. Keller says, leaning back in her chair. 
You snort. “That will go well.” 
“It might. Your pack has expressed their willingness to change, to adapt to what you want. You have the power to change your pack. If you don’t like the way they’re doing something, then tell them.” She gives you a pointed look. “They won’t know what to change if you don’t tell them what you want to change.” 
“I’m scared to ask them.” You admit. 
“Why? Why are you scared to ask them?” 
“Good omegas adapt to their pack, they don’t ask. They don’t ask their pack to change just for them.” 
She gives you another look. “Don’t go regressing that far on me.” She shifts in her seat, leaning closer to you. “We’ve talked about this before. You’re a part of this pack too, just as much as they are. You have a right to communicate your needs and your wants just as much as they do. You’re an equal in this pack, and they’ll be the first to agree with that. While their actions of late have been questionable, they do still care about you and want to make you a true equal in this pack.” 
“I’ll believe it when I see it.” You huff. 
“Then let them show you.” She says. “What’s the harm in asking?” 
“They say no.” You say. “I don’t think I could handle it if they said no.” 
“But what if they say yes?” Dr. Keller squeezes your arm. “You’ll never know until you ask. In my professional opinion, I think you hold more power now than you realize. A lot of things happened to you, but a lot of things happened to your pack as well, and within those bonds.”
“Yeah. They’re all fractured now.” You say. 
“They’re in rough shape, but they’re not unfixable. You have to want to fix them. You’re the only one that can fix them.” 
“I don’t like that power.” You say. “Part of me wants to end things.” 
“But, that means there’s a part of you that wants to repair them. As your doctor, I suggest listening to those thoughts more than the ones telling you not to. It won’t be easy, but I think it’s worth your time to try.” 
Tears fill your eyes as you sit there, thinking over her words. You do want to try. You want to try so badly, yet you can’t help that nagging in the back of your mind that everything will go back to the way it was before. 
“What do you need?” Dr. Keller asks softly, brushing some of the hair from your face as you cry. 
What is it you need? A new brain, a reset button, some amnesia? All things you can’t have. You’ll have to choose with what you do have. What do you have? A pack that desperately wants to help you. They’ve told you that themselves. Kyle told you things would get better, but here you are with more blood staining your hands. Kyle wouldn’t lie to you. Not like that. 
You have the power now. 
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“Johnny.” You sniffle. “Get me Johnny.” 
NEXT ->
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boysmentfs · 17 days ago
Text
The trip to the beach.
A collaboration with @misctf .
Steve was the most cliché of the word "nerd" with only 5'4 tall, with pimples and with irritating little voice he was the target for the jock boys in his university. But despite being victim of sneers and bullying, he was the happiest student in college, he always smiled, helped people and was quite studious. So the mockery towards him mattered little to him. Today was a beautiful Saturday afternoon, Steve was studying hard in his room, he didn't have any plans for today and he didn't care to have one either, his parents were not home so he enjoyed being alone quietly until someone knocked on his house door.
"Who could it be?" Steve sighed, “I’m really behind on my work.” He looked at the essay he was in the midst of completing, “I should...” The second knock was louder, “Must be important.”
Steve quickly made his way to the front door. As he went to open it, he paused. He could hear the boisterous laughter from the other side, the frequent use of the word ‘bro’, and a few belches. His stomach dropped.
“What could they possibly want?” Steve thought miserably, “I should really...” He sighed. It wasn’t in his nature to just ignore someone. What if they needed help?
“Oh shit! Look who it is! What’s up lil’ bro?” Garrett laughed, emphasizing the word ‘lil’. He put his arms behind his head, his biceps bulging.
“Uh hey.” Steve stammered, “Uhm, I...I...” His mind was racing, trying not to stare. Garrett was rather good-looking- dark hair and eyes, his chiseled face framed by a well-groomed, short beard. And looking further down, it was obvious that his years on the baseball team did wonders for his body- all of which was framed nicely in his tight tank-top, “Sorry, just studying today.” Steve blushed, mentally admonishing himself for making it so obvious that he had a thing for the star pitches on the team.
"Studying?! Lil’ dude, come on.” Garrett groaned, nudging one of the other jocks, “Seriously dude, how lame. How about this? We came here to invite you to the beach.” He placed his firm rugged hand on Steve’s shoulder and grinned, “Lil’ dude, it’s gonna be fuckin’ lit. Cheerleaders, booze, you name it. When’s the last time you did something like that, huh lil’ dude?”
Hearing this, Steve raised an eyebrow. None of these things were as appealing to him as Garrett likely thought they’d be. Although, the naively optimistic part of Steve wanted to imagine this could be the start of a friendship with Garrett. Part of him yearning for closeness with the jock. But Steve shook his head before adjusting his glasses- on what planet would he ever be friends with Garrett?
"I don't want to be rude or offensive, but why are you inviting me?” Steve questioned, “Jake and Logan were just bullying me the other day.” The two jocks behind Garrett snickered, earning them a disapproving look from Garrett.
"I know... Dude, but believe me we want to make peace, me and my bros promise we won't make fun of you again!” Garrett replied, no hint of insincerity in his tone, “Besides, it's Saturday and being at home? It's boring as hell."
Steve sighed, mulling over the offer. Would it be nice not to be bullied by these meatheads? Yeah. Would it be nice to spend time with Garrett? Yeah. Did he really think they’d make peace after this? Steve sighed again- the rational part of him saying to shut the door. The other saying to give these bros a chance.
"Okay, okay... I’ll go.” Steve said, the uncertainty of his choice evident in his voice.
“Oh sick lil’ bruh, but like, don’t sound too disappointed.” Garrett laughed, slapping him on the back and knocking the wind out of his small frame.
“But really, I’m doing this to make peace.” Steve insisted, “No funny business.” He tried to sound confident and stern. Garrett smiled and gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up, “Oh and..." Steve bit his lip, “This is so embarrassing but it’s been so long since I’ve been to the beach. I don’t really have any appropriate swimwear.”
"That shouldn't worry you bro! Give me a second." Garret grinned, “You’re just in luck, lil’ dude.” Garrett seemed way too excited, “Check out these!” His bro reached into a bag and handed him some green shorts with a bit of blue and gave them to Steve. "Here! These shorts belonged to one of our bros. Well former bro. He went on to bigger and better things.” Garrett sighed, “Internship or some shit. Brains and brawn, can you believe it?” The other jocks snickered.
Steve looked at the shorts and made a face of disgust. Did Garrett and his bros really think he would wear someone else’s shorts? Why did they seem to have them ready too? Steve awkwardly grabbed the shorts, and looked back over at the group of jocks.
"Garrett... I uh." Steve could see the look of excitement in Garrett’s eyes. Like he was proud of something, “I don’t really feel comfortable wearing another guy’s shorts. And besides, these aren’t going to fit me."
“And why not, lil bro? I wear my bro’s stuff all the time.” Garrett grinned, “I understand that you don't have the same muscle mass as us, but they’re shorts, shorts look good on everyone."
"Yes... but..." Steve sighed- how was he going to make these oafs understand his discomfort when they clearly had no shame?
"Dude, just get changed. We’ll wait here for you." Garrett grinned, “Come on bros, I’ll get the car started. I got a bomb playlist.”
Steve watched as they walked back to their car, all chuckling and talking about their beach plans. And before long, loud obnoxious music filled the air. Steve cringed, worrying what his neighbors might think of the loud music.
“The faster I get this on, the faster we get out of here.” Steve figured, walking back to his room.
Once there, he quickly undressed and examined himself in the mirror. He frowned as he examined his short and lanky frame- his skin pale from the hours spent indoors studying. His brown hair a curly mess atop his head. Nothing compared to the healthy tans and meaty muscles Garrett and his bros sported. Steve shook his head, ignoring these negative thoughts. Instead, he turned his attention to the pair of shorts in his hand.
"This is so disgusting...” Steve mumbled, taking a whiff of them, “Oh god, did they even wash this?” Steve was instantly teleported back to his high school locker room- the smell wafting from these shorts an unpleasant reminder of his days in gym class, “What have I gotten myself into?”
He grimaced as he slowly pulled the shorts up his skinny legs, where they rested over his Marvel boxer briefs. Yet despite his initial disgust, he was surprised to see how well they fit. He figured he owed Garrett some credit- shorts do look good on anyone. Steve walked over to his closet, rummaging around until he found on of his old discarded tank-tops. After placing that over his skinny frame, he smiled.
“Okay, I kind of look the part.” He commented, flexing his skinny arm, “Almost.” He laughed, thinking how ridiculous he must’ve looked.
And as he turned away from the mirror, he felt a wave of vertigo wash over him. He stumbled forward, catching himself against a wall. Steve groaned and wiped some sweat from his forehead, trying to make sense of the sudden dizziness. But as quickly as it had come on, it had passed. And Steve awkwardly walked to the front door, each step feeling somewhat heavier and requiring more focus.
“Oh lil’ dude, you look great!” Garrett said, approaching him, “You’re more than ready for the beach.” He raised an eyebrow, “Ah wait, lil’ dude you forgot your shoes. Logan! Grab ‘em a pair from the trunk.”
Steve only nodded, not really paying all that much attention. His mind felt foggy, his body heavier. When Logan threw the pair of worn-out sandals at his feet, Steve just slid them on. They were clearly too large for him, but he didn’t have the mental bandwidth to make a comment.
“Lookin’ good on ya!” Garrett grinned, putting an arm around Steve’s shoulder and leading him to the car, “God, you reek, lil’ dude.”
Steve shook his head, “No... it’s... it’s the shorts.” He replied, “They smell...”
“Sure, sure lil’ dude.” Garrett chuckled.
Steve wanted to say something in response, but he felt a slight achiness in his feet. And when he looked down, he could have sworn that they looked bigger and now sporting tufts of hair. In that moment, Steve could’ve also sworn that his nostrils were being invaded by an increasingly intense odor- reminiscent of the locker room but somehow worse. Sour and musky, all at once.
“Alrighty lil’ dude, get in.” Garrett said, "Let's go!"
Steve could barely focus. The smells, the boisterous laughter, and the blaring laughter from the bros around him. He grimaced as a can of beer rolled around in the backseat, hitting his foot. He watched as Logan reached down and smirked, before shot gunning the can of beer while his bros cheered.
“Lil’ bro, why don’t you try one?” Garrett asked from the driver’s seat, “Pregame for me, since I’m drivin’ and shit.”
“I’m good.” Steve replied, clearing his throat. His voice sounded off, “I’m not feeling too...”
A beer was thrust against his skinny chest and he looked over at Logan, who had a wide grin on his face. Steve held the beer, staring at it closely. And with his meatier hands, cracked it open. Steve never drank- it wasn’t his thing. But as he cracked open the can, he felt compelled. He was gonna chug it. And as the bros cheered him on, Steve did just that. As he did, he couldn’t possibly realize the bulge in his shorts was growing. His member growing in size, going from a measly 5 centimeters to an astonishing 14 centimeters, a dense forest of pubes sprouting around his new member.
“Buuuuuuuurrrrrppppppppp.” Steve grinned slightly as he crushed the can in his hand as his bros cheered, “That wasn’t so bad.”
“Fuck yeah lil’ dude!” Garrett cheered from the front.
“That was sick bruh!” Logan playfully punched Steve’s arm.
Steve looked down at where Logan punched him and his eyes widened. His arms... his skinny arms... they looked bigger? More defined. Muscles Steve knew he had but never saw were suddenly becoming quite obvious to the naked eye. He looked up at Logan and then up to Garrett.
“Hey somethin’s...” Steve froze. That baritone voice couldn’t possibly be...
But no one paid him any attention. They were going on about the cheerleaders, although Steve noticed Garrett was oddly quiet during the conversation. Occasionally glancing at Steve through the mirror. Steve stirred uncomfortably as Garrett stole glances at him. Why did he keep looking at him? He blushed slightly, trying to appear smaller, but his growing pecs and widening frame made that difficult. He was taking up more space now, becoming uncomfortably close to Logan.
“Dude, can you...”
“Not my fault this car’s so fuckin’ small.” Steve’s eyes widened. He would never talk like that, “What the fuck?” The fogginess in his mind was starting to dissipate. He was becoming acutely aware of his newly massive frame, enlarging pecs, and arms that looked more like tree-trunks than sticks.
Garrett turned to look at him and smiled. "What's wrong bro? You look good.”
“I... don’t... fuckin’...” Steve groaned as his tank-top ripped and he tossed the ruined fabric into the trunk.
He grunted as his muscles pulsed again and again. His frame expanding larger and larger, while Logan just grinned, despite losing more room in the back of the car. Steve gasped as small blond hairs erupted from his massive arms and traveled up. And when they finished coating his massive forearms, the hair in his pits exploded into a dense, musky forest. He grimaced at the smell wafting from them, yet at time went on, the smell was becoming familiar. Somewhat nice actually. He brought his hands to his head as his head started pounding. And in the car’s mirror, he saw that his hair was becoming blond. His curly locks reshaping into a sporty cut. His face becoming sharp and defined, his lips puffing up and forming into a permanent smirk.
“Eric, bruh, you good?” Garrett asked.
Steve let out a baritone groan, “Nah bruh, who the fuck’s Eric?” He grabbed his head again, “That’s... not... my... name...”
As he made eye contact with Garrett, he could feel it. A set of memories. Gym sessions with Garrett. Going to sporting events. Playing videogames. Waking up in each other’s arms... tearing each other’s clothes off... fucking... Steve realized in that moment. Garrett and Eric. They were more than frat bros... they were... A small smile formed on Steve’s lips as he felt Eric’s personality and mind overtake his. And in that moment, he came. The climax so intense that he passed out in the back seat.
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“Took him long enough.” Logan chuckled, “You happy Garrett?”
Garrett nodded and parked the car, “Alright bros, give him some time to rest.” Garrett smiled at his sleeping boyfriend, “I’ll be right behind you all.”
As his bros started walking to the beach, Garrett opened backseat door and smiled at his hunk of a boyfriend. He ran a hand down his jaw and gave him a quick kiss, before grabbing his cum-soaked shorts.
“Was hoping you’d save that for me.” Garrett smirked, “But all good, bruh.” He kissed him on the cheek, before quietly shutting the door. He’d let Eric get some rest- besides, they had a long night ahead of them.
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tpwk-formula1 · 4 months ago
Note
Heyy<3 I'd like a Pizza with Sicilian Crust,RedSauce ,Salami, Basil, Spinach, Broccoli, Roasted Artichokes ,Prosciutto and with that a Dr Pepper,Diet Coke and a littel Dessert
scenario: Lando and reader are dating and just having fun. But Lando wants to try something new and asks reader if he can film them. <3
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Lee-Lee's Pizzeria Menu
sicilian dating red sauce rough sex salami "Such a little cum slut" basil "I love to watch my cum leak from your pretty pussy" spinach "Awe I love to know I stretched you out just enough to take all my cock" broccoli "Made just for me huh?" roasted artichokes “im gonna put a baby in you” prosciutto "I love making this pretty pussy squirt" dr pepper dirty talk diet coke recording dessert yes served by Lando Norris
AN - OKAY! So I went a bit insane with this one and totally did something completely different and I really hope you like it! Any of the words in italics are a part of the scene and if it is regular that means it is either plot or current time!
Lando x gf! reader
TW - rough sex, sweet sex, oral (m & f receiving), squirting, multiple orgasms, face fucking, breath play, creampie, THERES A LOT GOING ON, MDNI 18+
WC 3300+
Y/N POV
"So I was thinking about something I think would be fun to try," Lando tells me softly making me perk my head up.
"You do that?" I question softly making Lando stare at me a bit confused.
"Do what?" He questions back after a few seconds of not understanding.
"Think. You think?" I joke making Lando instantly scoff and roll his eyes at my antics.
"You muppet," Lando groans before busting out into a little fit of giggles with me.
"Anyways, I was thinking maybe one of these times in the future I could maybe film us? I totally understand if you aren't comfortable I just would love to have a film of us together," Lando tells me softly making my face grow slightly hot at the thought of being filmed.
"Well like, would someone else have to film us? Will anyone see it? I just have a few questions," I tell Lando softly not shooting down his idea but not agreeing without clarification.
"No one would need to film us, we can hold the camera or get a tripod and I would never let anyone see it," Lando tells me softly making me nod my head letting him know I understand.
"Can I have some time to think about it?" I ask not fully sure I am comfortable with the idea just yet.
"Of course love! Whenever you know or think you're ready to do it we can rediscuss," Lando tells me softly while pulling me into his lap and placing a few soft kisses on my lips.
It has been a couple weeks since Lando had asked me if he could film us and with 2 back to back triple headers coming up I figured this break would be the best time to film some content so the both of us can have it while Lando is out traveling, especially since I'll only be able to go to a couple of his last races.
"Love, I have an idea," I tell Lando softly crawling into his lap and making him raise a brow for me to continue.
"Go on," Lando urges while I bite my lips letting the nerves get to me.
"You know how you wanted to film us having sex, I was thinking since we were gonna be traveling a bunch this next month while you're on break we could film little scenes and snippets in different places and then I can edit it all together so instead of it just being one time we have sex it's like I don't know how many, we have a lot of sex," I ramble making Lando smile at my last comment.
"Are you sure?" Lando asks me making me nod my head.
"Ya, I think it would be nice to have when you're away," I admit softly while my cheeks heat up realizing that I just admitted to touching myself when he was away.
"Oh my god, my once innocent girlfriend is admitting to touching herself when I'm away," Lando says with a smirk making my face heat up even further.
"Lando," I say while swatting at his chest softly.
"Do you get into our toys too?" Lando with an even more menacing look in his eyes.
"Don't act like I have noticed things go missing when you're away," I tell him softly with a raised brow. We both start laughing lightly. We had definitely sent enough pictures and videos throughout the year of us dating to know damn well we both touched ourselves when he was away but it was truly the first time we had talked about it.
"Can I make a request?" Lando asks softly.
"Ya of course, love," I reply making Lando's face heat in embarrassment just thinking about what he's about to ask.
"I kinda want a video of you touching yourself in the edit," Lando tells me softly making my face heat just thinking about touching myself in front of Lando.
"I'll film one of myself too and you don't have to do it in front of me. I actually would love for it to be a surprise," Lando continues making me relax slightly.
"Okay, I'll film is when you least expect it and it can be a surprise for you," I agree making Lando's face heat up at the thought.
"I think we have time to make our first film," Lando says with a smirk making me laugh lightly be quickly agree.
It's been almost a month since we came up with the plan and Lando leaves for Austin tomorrow which means tonight I give Lando our movie we created.
"Lan, come to the room when you have the rest of the night to yourself," I tell Lando softly peaking into the sim room where he was streaming with Max Fewtrell.
"Okay, do you need me right now? I can get off!" Lando tells me quickly making me laugh when I can hear Max telling Lando he was too damn wipped.
"No, it can wait! Enjoy your stream," I tell him softly.
"I'll be on no more than an hour," Lando tells me making me smile and retreat back into our room where I went into the bathroom and started getting ready.
I did my makeup and hair before I changed into a new lingerie set I knew Lando would love. Once I was all ready Lando was knocking on the bathroom door and asking if I was in there.
"Ya, just give me a minute," I tell him softly while taking a pic in the mirror and saving it for when Lando is away before typing my black silk robe around my body and heading out of the bathroom.
"Where are you going? I thought we were gonna be hanging out," Lando tells me softly making me laugh and shake my head.
"We are, just was bored while you were streaming," I lie softly knowing damn well I just wanted to look good for this moment.
"So I finished editing the video and its kinda long but I wanted to watch it with you," I tell him softly watching his face light up.
"I really hope you like it," I tell him softly making him pull me into his lap so I was stratting him.
"I'm gonna love it! You're the star of the film, nothing better than that," Lando tells me with a smile before pulling me in for a kiss and then letting me turn around so I was sat between his legs letting my back rest against my chest while I load up the 45-minute video of some of our sex adventures the last few weeks.
Scene 1 - Taken right after they agreed to make the video
"Oh fuck Lan," I moan looking right into the camera that Lando was holding and angling it to make sure to get all of my upper body in the shot.
"Fuck, it's like you were made just for me huh? always taking ym cock so well," Lando grunts in reply making me moan out louder.
"Lan I might cum again," I moan out making Lando's thrusting speed up while he brings one of his hands down to my clit where he teases it while I fall over the edge all around his cock.
That's where the video ended and a new scene was in front of us.
Scene 2 - Taken later that night right before we left for dinner. Quicky in the bathroom mirror
"Fucking hell, so goddamn tight," Lando grunts making me throw my head back with my eyes closed.
"No, fucking watch us," Lando says aggressively while he takes ahold of my hair and makes me watch Lando fuck into me from behind.
I was doing my best to hold the camera steady but I was failing miserably so Lando takes it from my hand and continues to fuck into my pussy from behind making sure to focus the camera on my face and the way my tits are bouncing around with each thrust.
"Fuck Lan," I moan loudly when I start cumming all over Lando's cock. He quickly pulls out of my soaked pussy and angles the camera to show him painting my ass with his cum.
We hadn't planned to fuck before dinner but with the idea of making a movie for each other, we were like little teenagers again fucking any chance we could.
Scene 3 - On a yacht off the Meddeteraian coast.
"Lando!" I scream feeling myself fall over the edge again squirting my pleasure all over Lando and the expensive couch we currently were on.
Lando had propped the camera up on the couch making sure to get his and my lower half in the frame of the camera.
"I love making this pretty pussy squirt," Lando groans after watching me squirt for the third time in a row.
"I want you to cum for me again," Lando groans against my lips.
"It's too much," I whine but Lando only speeds his actions up taking me over the edge rather quickly.
"Fuck squirting so much you could fill the sea," Lando teases.
That last comment had both Lando and I laughing lightly.
"Can't believe you kept that in. So embarrassing," Lando whispers into my ear while squeezing my waist a bit tighter.
"I thought it was a good comedic relief. I edited out most of the silly comments you say," I tell him making him groan realizing his post-nut clarity most of the time turns him into a comedian.
Scene 4 - In Y/N's childhood bedroom after visiting family.
"Fuck watching you with your niece is gonna make you a mother," Lando groans while pumping into my tight pussy.
"Fuck Lan," I moan once the words sink in.
"You want that? You want me to give you my babies," Lando grunts through staggered moans letting the pleasure get to him.
"Yes please," I gasp out trying to keep my volume down not wanting my parents to hear us.
"Fuck, I'm close. Please cum with me," Lando grunts out while bringing 2 fingers down to my clit and giving it a rub in small circles bringing the both of us over the edge. As we are cumming Lando grabs the camera from the little stand it was on and brings it to show my face as I'm cumming.
“I'm gonna put a baby in you,” Lando grunts as he continues to fuck my pussy through both of our orgasms.
"Fuck, you look so pretty like that," Lando grunts sending one last thrust deep into my pussy before slowly slipping out and putting the camera close to my core so the camera can pick up his cum slowly leaking from my pussy.
"I love to watch my cum leak from your pretty pussy," Lando grunts before the video is cut off.
"That was some of the best sex we've had," Lando groans out making me smile.
"Ya it was," I reply softly leaning back farther making Lando grunt out. I wiggle aroung for a second and that's when I feel it. Lando was hard. I just smirk wiggling around another second before Lando is gripping my hips to stop my movement.
"Don't act up," Lando roughly whispers into my ear.
Scene 5 - Lando's apartment after playing paddle with Max Verstappen
"Why the fuck would you do that," Lando says towering over me kneeling on the floor in front of him.
"Lando, I didn't do anything! I was just talking to Max," I reply looking straight up at him.
Lando set up the tripod at the end of the bed and it was currently angled down so it could catch me on my knees on the floor.
"You didn't do anything? Cause from what I seen was you getting all up and close with Max when I went to the bathroom," Lando's voice booms out into the room making me whimper at his anger.
"Lando he was showing me something on his phone," I argue back only making Lando roughly slap my tit.
"No more talking," Lando says before roughly shoving his cock into my mouth making me gag instantly around his cock.
I could feel Lando's hip starting to shift a little trying to grind into my back.
"Of all things you using me is what's getting you to dry hump me like a hormonal teenager," I say shifting my head slightly looking at Lando as his face flushes red and instantly stop his actions.
"Oh you can continue. Be a good boy and keep grinding," I say confidently making Lando groan and start bucking again.
"You'll pay for your little comment later," Lando grunts into my ear and I giggle lightly.
Scene 5 Cont.
"Awe I love to know I stretched you out just enough to take all my cock," Lando grunts as he continues to fuck my face making tears run down my cheeks.
Lando roughly shoves his cock deep into my throat and holds his hips completely cutting off all of my airflow. I count the seconds in my head and once I reach 12 seconds Lando yanks his cock out making me gag and start coughing.
"Fuck," I cough out trying to get as much air as possible.
"We're going again," Lando grunts tangling his hand in my hair again before shoving his cock back in.
Lando roughly fucks my throat making me continnously gag and cry around his cock. My face has become a complete mess ruining any speck of makeup I had on.
I was a true and proper whore for Lando in this moment and I loved every second of it.
"Fuck, I'm cumming," Lando grunts before he shoves his cock all the way into my throat and unleashes a massive load down my throat. I swallow as best I can with Lando so deep. Once he pulls out of my mouth I make sure to collect as much cum off his cock before opening my mouth and showing him the cum pooling in my mouth.
I watch as Lando gathers a large wad of spit in his mouth before leaning down and slowly spitting it into my mouth mixing his spit with his cum.
"Hm, you're such a little cum slut. Swallow," Lando finally says making me close my mouth and swallow his cum and spit mixure.
"I think that's the sluttiest thing I've ever done," I admit softly when the scene in front of us ends. Lando had stopped his grinding as soon as he saw himself shove his cock all the way in my mouth cutting my airflow off. I think when you're in the moment everything seems so normal but then watching it back you realize how rough it really is.
"Do I do that often," Lando asks softly making me shift my body to face him realizing he needed a serious moment.
"Cut my air flow off? Not often but love, it is not something you have to change. If it was I would have asked you to stop. We have safe words and safe actions to get us out of every scene we ever do, I haven't used it for a reason," I tell Lando softly while stroking his cheek. I can tell he's not convinced but he's become more relaxed.
"I didn't realize that was what you looked like when you were struggling for air," Lando admits making me smile softly.
"Pretty slutty huh?" I joke I try lightening the mood while also pulling him in for a kiss trying to show him that I was really okay with it.
"Promise, you don't mind it?" Lando asks softly.
"Promise!" I reply back with a smile turning back around to face the laptop once again.
Scene 6 - Home alone while visiting Lando's parents
"Lan! They might come home," I whisper against Lando's lips as he pulls my body even closer to his.
We were in the pool enjoying the sun when Lando set up the camera right on the poolside clearly showing his intentions.
"They won't I promise," Lando replies while lifting my body out of the water and onto the edge of the pool. Lando changes the camera angle to make sure to get his next actions in the frame.
"We'll be quick if you're worried," Lando replied while pulling off the bottoms to my bikini leaving my lower half completely bare. Lando instantly brings his mouth down to my clit giving it a strong suck and making me whine.
"Fuck," I moan softly when I feel Lando shift his hands to the front of my robe teasing me over my lingerie. Lando's mind finally registers that he's feeling lingerie instead of my regular thong so he's pulling the front of my robe open to see his gift under.
"I'm surprised it took you this long," I reply with a smirk when he's opened the robe to see a specially made lingerie set to have similar accents to his Hungarian GP helmet.
It was a pretty light blue set with little hand-sewn embellishments to look like the hand-painted flowers that littered the helmet.
"Fuck baby, how did you even get this?" Lando asks softly when he realizes it is more than a light blue set.
"Made just for you," I reply with a smirk making him groan and throw his head back.
"You're the best. One of the most thoughtful things ever," Lando replies back softly as he brings his hand back down to my pussy and starts teasing me over my panties.
"Already soaked for me," I feel Lando smirk against my ear.
Cont scene 6
"Lan, feel so good," I gasp when I feel Lando softly push 2 fingers into my busy making me gasp at the feeling.
"I want you to cum," Lando grunts into my pussy sending a whole new wave of pleasure coursing through my body.
"Oh god," I cry out when Lando speeds up his actions bringing me closer to my orgasm.
"Cum for me," Lando roughly tells me sending me straight into a squirting orgasm.
"Fuck," I scream out as I watch my pleasure spray all over Lando and into the pool soaking him with more than just the pool water.
"Good fucking girl," Lando says while riding my orgasm out before he's slipping his fingers out and slipping them into his mouth to clean them off.
"Fuck, I can't take it anymore," Lando says roughly while slipping his fingers out of my lingerie and turning me around so I can face Lando.
I pull him in for a kiss while I feel him pulling his boxers and sweats down to reveal his leaking cock.
I'm instantly climbing fully into his lap with my lingerie pulled to the side so I can sink down taking all of Lando's cock deep into my pussy.
"Fuck I don't think I'm gonna last long," Lando grunts when I start bouncing on his cock clearly pent up from watching some of our sex over the past month.
"Me either," I moan loudly bouncing faster while Lando brings a hand between our bodies and starts teasing my clit knowing that will throw me over the edge far faster than anything else.
"Fuck Lando," I cry out as I feel my orgasm start to build at an embarrassing rate.
"I'm gonna cum," Lando grunts bucking his hips up to meet my thrusts trying to bring the both of us over the edge quicker.
"Oh fuck," I scream out as I start cumming all over Lando's cock pulling him with me and making him bury his cock deep in my pussy and filling it up with his cum.
"Fuck," Lando grunts making me sigh in contentment.
"The rest of the video can be a surprise. I wanna spend my last night between these thighs," Lando tells me softly still fully seated on his cock.
"Deal," I reply softly pulling him in for a kiss while we relax until the next round.
True to Lando's words we did go at it almost all night not stopping until we saw the first light of the sun rising.
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dovveri · 4 months ago
Text
upskill from student to parent
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synopsis: one of your students has the most obvious crush on you, but you have the most obvious crush on his mother.
warnings: swearing? maybe idek AHAHA
w/c: 6.9k
a/n: kind of an homage to my fav person on this app @miinatozakiii ‘s first published work the kindergarten teacher sana 🙂‍↕️ happy late one year anniversary babe 🥰
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“alright kids, don't forget i'm seeing most of your parents tonight so if you want to make a good impression, you better start doing your homework because i know most of you don't!"
there are collective groans across the classroom as they pack up their things and leave, thanking you as they head out the door to their next period.
you giggle, recalling the days you were a student in their position, you rarely did your math homework as well.
"ms. l/n?"
you look up from your desk with a smile.
"i- um- i just wanted to s-say- thank you for this lesson. i was really- um- struggling with derivatives when you introduced them last time but you made it really clear this class."
you beam, appreciating the feedback, "that's great to hear hideki! if you have any more trouble in the future please be sure to let me know, i'll be happy to set up bonus small group classes or even individual sessions if you guys need the help."
"t-thanks ms. l/n. that's really nice of you."
"it's my job hideki." you smile, "did you need any help with anything else?"
he shakes his head shyly, hand at the back of his neck, "that was all! thanks again miss!"
"no worries, i'll see you tonight?"
he agrees happily, darting out the door with his cheeks flushed.
it wasn't the first time a student had had a crush on you. it was normally harmless. some of them had tried to confess to you over the years, usually waiting until after they graduated because they thought it’d be okay if you no longer had a student-teacher relationship. some of them would confess while you were still their teacher regardless, those were a little tougher because you had to continue teaching them and watch them pout and lose motivation to do their schoolwork and act awkward around you, no longer wanting to participate in class or ask questions if they didn’t understand something. you’d try to let them down gently, and if you noticed they were struggling with coursework, you’d pull them aside or ask another one of the teachers to check in on them.
most of the time though, they were just simple little crushes that would pass with time or after they moved out of your class. you didn't entertain them but it was cute seeing your students in their awkward teen years discovering feelings for the first time.
you stretch, yawning, but yelp when someone's finger jabs into your exposed armpit.
there's a burst of laughter and you frown, staring at the intruder.
"really nayeon?"
the english teacher rolls her eyes with a cheeky grin, "saw hideki on the way out. did he give you that confession note?"
"what confession note?"
nayeon hops a little, a hand covering her mouth, "oh shit."
you narrow your eyes. "tell me."
she grins, not really apologetic for having accidentally spilt her student’s secret, "saw him decorating a card and everything in english class today. his grammar was a little off so i just helped him correct it a little. oh ms. l/n. how i wish to be able to call you by your first name. how i wish to be able to hold you and-" she puts on an exaggerated romeo-like voice and pose, back of her hand coming up to her forehead.
you stand up, slapping her lightly with a blush, "why did you encourage him?!"
she shrugs with a laugh, "i'm an english teacher. gotta make sure the kids are using the language right even if it's for illicit love notes."
you huff, packing up your desk and getting ready to go to lunch, "can't he find a nice girl his age to be in love with? i'm sure he has so many options since he's the star player of the school basketball team and everything."
"something about you attracts the kiddies y/n."
you scrunch your nose, "ew. that sounds gross. i don't even like younger men."
"women?"
"no preference. just someone in the same life stage y'know?"
"wait should i be offended? how come no student has ever confessed to me? aren't english teachers supposed to be like a gay girl's awakening?"
you laugh, ignoring the woman's question, dragging her out of your classroom and to lunch together before you both have to attend to your kids again.
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you enjoyed your job, but parent-teacher interviews were probably your least favourite part of it. if you wanted to deal with parents all day you'd have become a primary school teacher.
there were all kinds of them, some who didn't show up, some who didn't care, some who cared too much, some who were clueless, and some who thought they could do your job better than you.
you rub your temples, grateful for the little 5 minute break you're afforded in between quick 10 minute interviews that would normally go on for longer than that. you blink around the room, the other mathematics teachers gathered in the same classroom, nayeon was down the hall with the other english teachers. you were the youngest of them all, there was a pretty big shortage of secondary mathematics teachers across the country, so it meant maths teachers were putting off retirement for longer so they can continue to support kids, but it still left a lot of gaps that could be filled to give your students the best education they deserved.
you've dazed off enough that you barely register hideki almost bounding in, still in his basketball uniform from after-school practice.
he grins, sliding into the seat opposite yours, "hi ms. l/n!"
you return the smile, "hey hideki." even though you knew about his obvious crush on you, he was still one of your favourite students, maybe it was because he had the crush on you that he was more eager to follow instructions and to prove himself and ask questions whenever he was confused that made him one of the easiest to teach.
and then a woman in a sleek beige coat next to hideki catches your attention. your gaze flicks over to hers. and it can't seem to break away.
she's the most beautiful human being you've ever laid your eyes on. her hair is dyed an autumn brown, wavy locks tucked behind ears, expensive gold jewelry adorning her neck, ears, hands. her eyes match the colour of her hair, a deep fawn brown you could stare into for hours. she's got the most perfect nose you've ever seen, you almost itched to measure it, find the angle of it, the way it led to her pretty lips, full and parted, inviting, pulling you in. and then you realise they're curling up slightly, and you snap your eyes back up to hers to see a mirthful glint in them.
you cough, blushing brightly, "h-hello mrs. hayashi."
"just sana is fine. minatozaki sana. i never married hideki’s father." her voice is silky smooth, there's a certain drawl to it too, it makes you want to listen to her voice on repeat, teasing out every inflection in tone.
you can feel your blush reaching the tips of your ears, "o-oh sorry! i didn't know i apologise!"
sana laughs, it's bright and airy, you don't think you've heard anything purer. "nothing to be sorry about. we broke up a long time ago. when hideki was still very young."
you nod, deciding you can't continue staring at her or you may just faint, so you look down at your files, shuffling them around with no purpose, just to give your hands something to do.
"so how's hideki doing in class?" you can hear the smirk in her voice, her attentive eyes watching as you fumble around.
"he's um- very good- he always makes sure to ask questions whenever he's stuck on anything, and he's probably one of my only students who keeps up with his homework."
"well that's good isn't it deki? what were you so nervous for?" sana teases her son as he blushes, mumbling something under his breath.
you speak up again, "nothing to be nervous about. hideki is one of my best students, he keeps up very well despite his extra curriculars."
sana snorts, "i wish we could say the same about his other subjects. it seems maths is the only thing he tries in."
"mom!"
"what? you heard what your english teacher said. you need to spend some more time editing your own work than you do shooting hoops."
you laugh, "i'm sure his english is alright. nayeon can be a pretty harsh teacher."
sana looks at you again with an eyebrow raised, you quickly look away. "just wait until you read some of his work ms. l/n. you'll be surprised."
hideki blushes again, deciding he won't be giving you that love confession note he has in his bag after all.
"is there anything else i can do for him then? any particular areas he may be struggling in or any recommendations of what we can implement at home to make sure his maths marks stay consistent?"
"homework really. maths is a very practical subject so the more practice he gets the better grasp he'll have. especially with strange or out-of-the-box questions exams may throw at him; it helps a lot if he's practiced with as many question varieties as possible, most people are going to get those 1 or 2 markers, but the bigger questions that really need you to apply the concepts you learn are where you'll start to see distinctions between the students that just study and the students that really have the aptitude and patience for mathematics."
"never was me." sana jokes.
you smile, still avoiding her gaze, your cheeks pink, "i'm sure you would have been a prize student ms. minatozaki."
"just sana." she has a teasing smile on her face.
"r-right. sana."
it's quiet for a few seconds, hideki looks between his mother and you, squinting a little in confusion.
sana coughs, beginning to stand and holding out a hand, "well it was nice meeting you ms. l/n. i can finally understand why hideki goes on and on about his gorgeous maths teacher."
"mom!"
you blush again, taking her hand, almost melting at how soft it felt against yours, forcing yourself to meet her eyes again to be polite. you have to bring your other hand to hold your wrist when you shake it, to support your jelly-like arm in her presence. "it was nice meeting you too sana."
she tightens her grip, smirking a little, "i hope this won't be the last i'll be seeing you. have a good night."
and with that she's off, hideki whining and complaining next to her about how she's embarassed him. it was a little funny considering their height difference, hideki was a basketball player so he had to be tall for his sport, and sana was just a few centimetres shorter than you, though her aura commanded attention, her posture was perfect, you're caught staring at the slight sway in her hips as she walks away, but you quickly reprimand yourself, blushing even brighter at having realised you were just checking out your student's parent.
god she had your mind a mess, and you had a feeling it wouldn't be the last time for this to happen.
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you were so out of your comfort zone. you barely knew anything about basketball. but nayeon just had to drag you to be co-supervisors for your school's basketball team since you didn’t have the funds for a real P.E. teacher. even worse, the parent volunteer just happened to be minatozaki sana, the parent you hadn’t been able to stop thinking about since your first meeting with her weeks ago.
nayeon noticed your odd behaviour immediately of course. so being the annoyingly loveable best friend she was, she made herself scarce, herding the kids away with every opportunity and trying to get you and sana alone as much as possible.
that’s how you were now stuck with the woman of your dreams, sharing a hotel room in the place you were staying for the duration of the games.
“are you sure you don’t want me to get another room? the individual room was originally supposed to be meant for you- i can’t believe nayeon let herself get sick and stole it from you.”
sana giggles, plopping down her weekend bag. “it’s alright ms. l/n. i don’t mind sharing rooms with a pretty woman like you.”
you blushed brightly. that was the other problem with sana. she was a flirt. every chance she got she’d make some sort of teasing remark on the way here, or brush a little too close than what was acceptable for friends, and you were barely even friends.
“j-just y/n is fine. i feel weird if someone my age is calling me by my last name like that.”
“how do you know i’m your age?” she smirks.
“o-oh! i just- i mean- i- i’m in my early 30s and you look quite young and but hideki is already 16 so i just assumed um-“
she laughs again, “thank you for the compliment. you’re right. i had hideki when i was 19. his dad promised to take care of him, provide for us, y’know… all the works. he couldn’t take it and left not even a year into hideki’s life. i ended up having to drop out of university and learn to balance work and a baby. my parents weren't any good either, said it was my fault for getting knocked up so early in my life and that i should've been prepared for the consequences."
you perch on the end of your bed, listening attentively while she unpacks her things, "i'm sorry you had to go through that."
she shrugs, "made me who i am today. and plus i have hideki now. and he'll always have me. what about you? any kids? partner?"
you blush as she turns back to you, copying your stance and sitting on her bed facing you. "no. i’ve always been around kids so there’s not exactly a ton of romantic prospects.” you joke.
sana laughs, “what about nayeon?”
you cringe immediately, “ew gross no. we’re just friends. there aren’t that many young teachers that aren’t already married and who aren’t spread all over the country so nayeon and i easily clicked because we’re similar in age and single. not that it’s difficult to get along with the older teachers there’s just some things that we’ll be able to do that they might not necessarily want to anymore… like drink or whatever.”
“are you looking for anyone then?” there’s a smirk on sana’s face that you know can only mean she’s up to no good.
“u-um- well- i mean- uh- like if it comes it comes i’m not actively looking for it. i’m happy with the kids even if i die old and alone because there’s always going to be more kids to teach so i’m never really going to be alone unless i quit or get fired.”
“i really admire teachers y’know. you can take care of a classroom of kids and offer them knowledge when someone like my ex boyfriend couldn’t even handle one child.”
while you were talking, you didn’t even notice that sana had moved onto your bed, sitting next to you, shoulders touching, eyes peering into yours.
you chuckle awkwardly, “w-well i’m actually not that great with younger kids.”
sana frowns, “don’t do that. bringing yourself down to defend a shitty man are both things i don’t want to hear. from what i’ve seen, you love your job and you really care about your kids. you should be proud of that. teachers don’t get enough of the appreciation they should.”
“t-thank you sana.”
“of course.”
it’s quiet after that, and more than awkward. you have no idea where to look, suddenly conscious of her body pressed against yours, fiddling with your hands, feeling sweat build up.
sana just watches you with a glint in her eye, observing all of your actions.
she breaks the tension that seemingly came out of nowhere first, “how do you feel about me?”
your eyes widen, not expecting such a straightforward question, “s-sorry?”
“you’re nervous. do i make you nervous y/n?”
your blush was pretty much permanently fixed on your face now.
“u-um-“
“it’s okay if i do. i just hope it's for the right reasons." she pouts. it's criminal. "you'd tell me if there was something else right?"
"r-right! yes of course yes-"
"good. so you're nervous because you find me attractive?" her pout morphs into a smirk within nanoseconds.
"um- i-"
"you said you'd tell me if it was something else remember?" and then she's straight back into a pout. it was giving you whiplash, the change in expressions, dizzying you.
"um- i- yes- you are- yes you are very pretty and-"
"so you want to kiss me?"
"um-!"
sana finally lets you go, laughing brightly and moving away to give you some space before you burst or melted.
"just joking y/n. i'm sorry you're just too easy to tease and your reactions are adorable!"
you can breathe again, the oxygen finally reaching your brain now that sana wasn't so close to you, and your lips turn downward, imitating her pout from earlier, "sana!"
she continues laughing, going back to unpacking her things while you collect yourself and think just how you were going to survive the two days away sharing a room with the potential love of your life who also happened to be a massive tease.
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thankfully, the rest of the night was pretty uneventful. you checked in on all the boys, made sure they had all had dinner and weren't planning anything irresponsible like a party behind your backs or anything. you also checked in on nayeon who in your professional opinion, looked absolutely fine, having ordered room service and was in one of the hotel robes with her feet kicked up enjoying a face mask and a bottle of wine all to herself.
sana also didn't try anything else when you retired to your own hotel room after doing the rounds on the boys' rooms again to make sure they were all in bed and getting the rest they needed before their game tomorrow. you're not sure if you were grateful or disappointed she didn't, but you quickly pushed her out of your mind, needing to rest as well before having to wake up early to take all the kids to the stadium.
you're knocking loudly on the last room you were meant to check on, annoyed the boys were taking so long, you were all meant to meet in the lobby 10 minutes ago for your bus to the stadium.
when you sigh, prepared to rap your knuckles against the door again, it falls away, revealing a distressed hideki and his roommate for the trip.
"ms. l/n! i'm so sorry we're late eric had some trouble um-" he looks behind him, "we're pretty much ready now! just got to grab some last minute stuff and-" he leaves the door open, continuing his ramble while you cross your arms, tapping your foot impatiently, watching the boys run around the room collecting last minute things and throwing them into gym bags.
by the time they're almost done, sana's snuck up behind you, peeking over your shoulder.
"deki! what are you doing? are you the one holding everyone up? what kind of example are you setting for your team if the team captain's late?"
you jump at her voice, not having noticed her standing right behind you. you turn, admiring her side profile, she's got her hair up today, but still looks as expensive as the first time you saw her.
hideki blushes at his mom yelling at him, picking up his pace a little and jabbing eric, telling him to hurry up.
sana notices you staring at her and turns with a smile, "hi y/n. missed you this morning."
you fluster immediately, snapping your eyes away, "u-um sorry! i uh- got up early and didn't want to wake you and decided to get breakfast early on my own before making sure all the kids were awake."
she pouts, "you should've woken me. we could've had breakfast together."
"s-sorry i'll remember for next time."
"next time? you planning on waking up next to me again y/n?"
you can hear the teasing tone in her voice without needing to look at her, "i meant tomorrow! tomorrow morning."
sana giggles next to your ear, relenting when hideki and eric finally finish up, slightly out of breath when they come up to you, hideki apologising to you profusely, almost bowing down in the hotel hallway while holding all his heavy gym bags before you stop him, embarrassed enough by his mother watching the interaction closely with a curious glint in her eyes.
by the time you get downstairs nayeon already has most of the kids on the bus, reprimanding the two late boys again before letting them go and telling them to get on the bus as well. she had claimed her sickness was miraculously cured overnight, and that all she needed was a good night's sleep in a hotel room by herself.
she had teased both you and sana, asking sana innocently if she'd want to change rooms again now that she wasn't sick, but sana had said it'd be too much work and she didn't mind sharing a room with you anyway. nayeon elbowed you making an exaggerated show of her eyebrows wriggling around when sana wasn't looking, winking and looking all too satisfied with herself. you ignored her, strutting ahead and onto the bus, crossing your arms and pouting.
sana comes up next, giggling at you and plopping down on the seat next to yours. thankfully, the bus ride to the stadium wouldn't take long this time, the ride here was almost 5 hours long, and sana had taken a liking to sleeping on your shoulder almost the entire way there. you were stiff and couldn't wait to fall into bed when nayeon pulled her sick move and ruined your plans of being able to relax, not possible in the presence of the other woman.
the kids are rowdy and energetic, hyping each other up on the bus. you have to tell them to quieten down a few times but you let them get away with most of what they do, smiling at the sight of them so eager for their game.
when you arrive, nayeon's the first to stand, using her loud voice and commanding attention, her voice that should've been at least a little hoarse from her apparent sickness yesterday.
"alright! remember you're representing your school district now! and you're sharing this space with other people so i don't want to hear you guys as loud as you were on this bus okay? i won't hesitate to bench anyone who fools around too much and that means you won't get to play and you'd have come all this way for nothing understand?"
nayeon really was strict as a teacher, but you knew she loved her job as much as you did.
the kids nod, determined to be good, adrenaline running from the excitement of almost getting to the court.
you step off the bus first, talking to the bus driver and letting them know when they can come back and pick you guys up to go back to the hotel. then the kids are hopping off the bus one by one, and you're making sure they don't run off or do anything stupid while waiting for everyone to assemble.
by the time the team is actually on the court and warming up, you're almost as excited as them, the atmosphere of the stadium hyping you up, sitting on the sidelines with towels and water bottles ready for their breaks. you had tried to study up a little on what exactly went on in basketball, the rules and the basics, the kids may not have a coach but you still wanted to be as supportive as you could even though your job only required you to supervise them safely between the venues and the hotel.
"have you come to a lot of these games?" you ask sana mindlessly, watching as the boys start doing practice shots and drills.
"yeah. i try to go to as many of deki's things as i can."
"that's very sweet. it's really good for the kids, when the parents show up to things they work hard for."
sana hums. "i try."
"he's lucky to have you."
"i think he may appreciate you a little more though." she teases, bumping shoulders with you.
you laugh, "he'll get over it. they all do."
"this has happened before?"
you shrug, "i swear i don't do anything out of the ordinary. maybe i'm just nicer than nayeon."
"so your type obviously isn't kids. what is it?" sana teases.
you blush, "i don't know. i don't really have one i think."
"oh come on. everyone says that. tell me the truth. i won't judge i promise."
you roll your eyes, smiling, "well... i think at this point in my life i just want someone who wants to settle down. i'm not that young anymore and i've already achieved what i wanted in my career so all i really want now is someone to share the rest of my life with."
"boring! c'mon gimme the juicy stuff. like personality, physical attributes." she pokes you with a grin on her face as well.
"fine fine. i guess when it comes to women i tend to like slightly older women, extroverted, good with kids obviously, i don't reaaaally care for all the physical stuff but probably someone around my height i guess."
"stand up for me."
you do as she asks, confused, then she stands up as well, stepping in almost eye-to-eye. you flush immediately. she brings her hand to measure the top of her head, knocking it against your forehead.
then she smirks, "so i'm pretty much your type then?"
you stutter, falling backwards and back into your seat, mumbling incoherently. sana giggles, sitting back down as well.
"if it's any consolation, my type in women tends to be slightly taller, good with kids, a little awkward, gets flustered easily, but loves her job."
you blink at her, still processing her words when the buzzer sounds signaling the start of the game.
sana winks, then turns her attention to the game, cheering on your school's team as they get in starting position. nayeon jogs over to join you both on the sideline bench, cheering as well. you put your muddled thoughts aside to focus on being there for the kids, but sana's confession? was it even a confession? never left the back of your mind.
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your school won. the boys are ecstatic, clapping each other on the back, streamers are thrown, the crowd is wild, loving the game they witnessed.
eventually, the stadium clears out while the boys cooldown. the janitors come and kick everyone off the floor soon enough, the kids still whooping and parading around their championship trophy, taking pictures with smiles all around.
you smile fondly as well, watching them leave the stadium, so proud of themselves. but then there's a cough behind you, and you turn, surprised to see hideki still there, not leading his team off on their victory lap.
"you okay hideki?"
the boy blushes, rubbing the back of his neck shyly, still in his team uniform, sweat running down his body.
"i um- i was actually wondering if we could talk?"
you frown, immediately concerned, "yeah of course. what's up?"
his eyes flit around, making sure the stadium is pretty much empty except for the janitors cleaning up after the game. and then he looks back at you, you're struck then how much he looks like sana, he has her nose, her eyes, you never noticed before but after spending more time with sana, you can start to see parts of her in her son.
he clears his throat again, obviously nervous, wringing his hands out, "u-um- so i promised myself that if we won this game, i'd finally be truthful to both myself and you. so um- ms. l/n... i think i'm in love with you!" he bows deeply with his confession.
you stand there, slightly in shock despite knowing about his feelings for a long time now. and then you feel terrible, having to reject him on what was supposed to be one of the highlights of his high school experience.
you tap his shoulder lightly, non-verbally asking him to straighten up, he flinches at the touch, eyes fierce when they meet yours.
"hideki... i'm sorry. i don't feel the same way about you. you're my student, i care about all of you equally, but never as more than a student."
his face breaks your heart, you see sana in him, it's almost like you made sana cry.
"is it my age? what if i graduated? would you be interested in me after i graduated?" he's desperate, reaching for any possibility where you could return his feelings.
you shake your head, offering a gentle smile, "i'm sorry hideki. i know you'll find the right person for you one day though. that person just isn't going to be me."
his head droops down, hair coming to cover his eyes as he stares down at his shoes, trying to hide his tears. "i understand. thank you for taking the time to listen to me ms. l/n. i'll get out of your hair now." and then he's jogging off behind you towards the exit.
you sigh, turning around, surprised to see sana there, frowning when she sees hideki in tears approaching her.
she looks between him and you in confusion, but hideki reaches her first. she cups his face, asking him what happened, but he refuses to speak, and sana brings him down into her hugging him and patting his back.
she glances at you then, still frowning. your heart sinks, not sure what sorts of conclusions she could be drawing, but knowing right now, it looked like you had said or done something that made her son cry.
she leads him away, you ache to tell her what really happened, but you know you should keep your distance for the sake of your student right now, you just pray sana doesn't think of you any differently.
⋆✐ೀ⋆
the rest of the day goes by in a blur. the boys go out for celebratory dinner. they notice their captain is a lot more down than usual, and they try cheering him up, playing games at dinner, laughing and teasing each other, but nothing seems to be working.
you couldn't help but feel a little guilty, and sana hadn't spoken to you since the game. you're not sure if it's on purpose or if she's just busy keeping the kids entertained and checking on hideki every once in a while, but not wanting to smother him with all his friends around. he doesn't seem to mind though, in fact he only responds to sana, even when his friends try and include him he stays quiet, picking at his food aimlessly.
when you get back to the hotel, you give a speech about how they shouldn't sleep too late even though you could understand their excitement still remaining from winning the championships, they still had to get up early tomorrow so you could take the bus back home. nayeon would normally give the speech since she was a little more threatening than you, but she was also currently wasted, having gone a little too hard on the celebrations with the boys. she was currently leaning on you, almost dozing off as you rattled off instructions and rules before sending them all off to their rooms.
sana's gone with them before you can speak to her, so you sigh, wrapping an arm around nayeon's waist and helping your friend back to her own room, setting her in bed and pulling the covers up, turning off the lights and leaving a cup of water next to her bedside for when she wakes up later.
you feel nervous going back to your own room, unsure of what sana thinks of you now.
you open the door, almost grateful to hear the shower on, indicating the other woman was cleaning herself up.
you anxiously start packing your things up, cleaning around the room a little and grabbing clothes for your shower.
the shower turns off and your heart rate increases tenfold. you still have some time before she comes out though, so you continue to busy yourself, cleaning anything and everything.
"y/n?"
you turn quickly at her voice, almost fainting at the sight of her wrapped only in a towel. you yelp, turning back around just as quickly, "s-sorry!"
sana giggles, padding up to her bed, "it's okay. i left my clothes out here."
you can hear the rustle of her towel being dropped and her starting to dress yourself. your face is burning up, trying desperately to clear your mind of thoughts of a very naked sana standing right behind you, probably watching you make a fool out of yourself.
"i'm dressed." she teases, plopping down onto her bed.
you turn with a sigh, but tense up when you realise her definition of dressed was a very thin camisole and shorts that really shouldn't be considered shorts.
sana smirks at your gaze, crossing her legs and watching the way your eyes follow the movement, drinking in the skin.
"so what happened with you and deki?"
your eyes snap back up to hers at the reminder, the guilt of it all coming back.
"i'm sorry- i didn't- i hope you know i didn't mean to-"
sana giggles, grabbing the towel to start drying her hair, "relax y/n. i figured as much. he wouldn't tell me what happened but i assume it had something to do with his feelings for you?"
you gulp, nodding, not trusting your voice.
"like you said at the game, he'll get over it."
"you're not mad at me?"
she frowns, "why would i be mad at you?"
"well i- i thought you were avoiding me at dinner and- i mean i did just reject your son-"
sana lets out a loud laugh, "i think i'd be more mad if you didn't reject him. and i wasn't avoiding you. were you looking for my attention y/n?" she teases, wringing out her hair.
"oh. i'm glad then. that you weren't avoiding me. i was worried." you mumble, ignoring her question, knowing she was just trying to get a reaction out of you.
she stands up, brushing her hair behind her shoulders, walking up to you slowly. "why were you worried?"
you focus on a spot on the hotel carpet, avoiding her gaze, "i didn't want you to think i was- i don't know- i just didn't want you to think of me differently i guess."
"why do you care what i think of you?"
you blush, "well- i mean- i- you're- you're a parent of my student."
sana hums, still moving closer at a painfully slow pace, "is that all i am to you?"
"uh- well- no... you're um- you're sana."
she giggles, now toe-to-toe with you. "i am."
you almost let out a gasp when her cool fingers touch your chin, tilting your head up slightly to look her in the eyes. her eyes search yours, then they move over your face, tracing your features. you lick your lips unconsciously, the tension between the two of you unable to be explained by a simple parent-teacher relationship, or even a friendship anymore.
"it's funny." her voice is lower now, spoken right onto your lips, there was no need for volume, you were only inches apart. "i almost wonder if my ex would've fallen for you too."
you're dizzy from being so close to her, mind playing catch up. "t-too?"
"yeah. hideki fell for you. i wonder if you could just have my whole family wrapped around your finger."
you gulp, not really following, just letting her do whatever she wanted to you.
she leans in even closer, eyes dropping to your lips.
"what about me?"
"w-what about you?"
"you rejected deki. how about me?"
you inhale shakily, "are you confessing?"
she smiles then, "was it not obvious?"
"no." you breathe out.
"why not?"
"you're too- you're unbelievable."
"what does that mean?"
"i literally can't believe you're real. that someone as perfect as you could exist."
sana giggles lowly at that, "there it is. do you know how long i've been waiting for you to just say how you feel about me?"
"w-what?"
"all that teasing, all the flirting, i paid nayeon to fake sick y'know?"
"you what?!"
she throws her head back, laughing fully now. your eyes follow the lines of her throat.
"deki talked about you all the time at home. i was curious to meet the maths teacher he was so obsessed with. and then i did. and you were just so adorable. i could tell you really loved what you were doing, and you really cared for all the kids. but i didn't want to ask you out in front of my son who has the biggest most obvious crush on you. so i resigned myself to thinking i probably wouldn't be able to see you again. and then you happened to be on this trip. so i tried everything i could to get closer to you, get to know you better, and you didn't disappoint. i can safely say i'm just as obsessed with you as hideki is, dare i say even more."
"y-you are?"
"mhm. and i knew you liked me too. you're almost as obvious as deki is." she giggles, "i was just waiting for you to do something about it. but you're too nice aren't you? didn't want anything that could be between us to affect your job and your relationship with the kids."
you hadn't even noticed sana had paid so much attention to you. she had picked you apart completely, you felt so exposed in front of her now, but it wasn't unwelcome, you were just embarrassed at the way you've acted around her, thinking how many times you've replied dumbly or said something stupid while she knew you had a crush on her. you cringe at the memories.
sana laughs again, poking at the scrunch in your nose, "so can you say it officially now?"
"say what?"
"don't play dumb with me. you know."
you whine, blushing still, but close your eyes, taking a breath again, "i like you sana. i think you're the most beautiful person i've ever seen and your personality and actions are just as consistent with your looks."
sana giggles again, and then all of a sudden, her lips are pressed against yours.
it's soft, sweet, she's curling a hand around your waist and the other around your neck. you weren't the greatest with words, that's why nayeon was the english teacher, but you try make up for it with your actions, pulling her into you deeper and wrapping your arms around her, smiling into the kiss.
sana returns the smile, reattaching your lips, kissing you easily, your lips slotting together with no rush, taking as much time as you wanted to explore each other.
that night, when you come out of your shower, you find sana curled up in your bed, patting the empty space next to her for you to squeeze into, making sure she had enough space so that she wouldn't fall off the edge. you find that she's a big cuddler, not that it should've surprised you, she was always a very physically affectionate person, and you were still getting used to being on the receiving end of all of it, but you adored it.
the next morning, you'll keep to your promise and wake sana up with a gentle kiss on her lips, brushing her hair out of her face and studying her sleeping features carefully, committing everything to memory, still in slight disbelief that such a woman felt the same way you did.
you talk over breakfast, finding yourself much more at ease now that you knew she knew how you felt about her. she still takes every opportunity to tease you though, loving the way you blushed and stuttered around her.
what's hard is deciding what to do after you get home. you still wanted to keep your distance from hideki so that he could get over you, and sana agreed, saying it would be best if the both of you kept your relationship a secret for now. she was almost excited, talking about how it would be exciting and fun to sneak around like kids again, having to hide your relationship.
she's right of course, but being with her specifically probably makes it ten times harder than it normally would. she'd come to your school with bunches of flowers and lunch, acting innocent and surprised when you have to hide her and find an empty classroom for you to spend the lunch date she springs on you. she'll never stop loving to tease you.
you finally tell hideki about 2 months into your relationship. he seems to take it okay, but when you're curled up in sana's bed later, she tells you he complained to her about how she 'stole his woman', and you both end up in a giggling fit, laughing at the turn of events. regardless, you're still grateful, grateful you were able to meet her, and somehow bewitch her into falling for you. you were the luckiest person alive, and only sana would disagree, saying that was only true for herself.
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