#Sherman pines

[tinfoil-jones]

Jerk Ford AU: Silliness VI (Family Edition)

17-year-old Shermie: *holding out a lunch pail* Stanford, don’t forget your lunch. I don’t want you to be hungry.

12-year-old Jerk Ford: Whatever, b***h.

12-year-old Stanley: Ford! You can't talk to our brother like that!

Jerk Ford: Sure.

-45 Years Later-

57-year-old Jerk Ford: *holding up a paper bag* Dipper, your lunch. I don’t want you starving.

12-year-old Dipper: Whatever, b***h *flips him off*.

[Directly From This]

-

Jerk Ford: Hey, runt.

Mabel: Yes, Great Uncle Ford?

Jerk Ford: I was reading through the entries and 'corrections' you and your brother oh-so-kindly put into my Journal, and I noticed something.

Mabel: What?

Jerk Ford: You defeated the gnomes?

Mabel: Yup, with a leaf blower!

Jerk Ford: And this whole kerfuffle started because... they wanted you to marry them and be their queen?

Mabel: Oh- uh, yeah. I was disappointed because they weren't secretly a vampire.

Jerk Ford: You don't say...

-Later-

Jerk Ford: Now, what is the age of consent in the state of Oregon?

Jeff, hanging upside down from a tree: *sobbing* Eighteen!

Jerk Ford: And what's the age of consent for anyone with the last names Pines, Corduroy, Ramirez, or McGucket?

Jeff: Infinity!

Jerk Ford: Good, we're at an understanding. However, just in case- *continues to blow on dog whistle*

Jeff: *screeches in anguish*

---

17-year-old Stanley and Jerk Ford sitting in the Stanley Mobile.

Stan: Ford, I know what you're thinking.

Jerk Ford:

Stan: You cannot blow up the state of Jersey.

Jerk Ford: Why not?

Stan: That wouldn't solve nothin'!

Jerk Ford: Yes it would.

Stan: What problem could blowing up New Jersey possibly solve??

Jerk Ford: The existence of Jersey.

(In all seriousness, Jerk Ford would definitely leave with Stanley. They would struggle being homeless in Stan's car for a few weeks or months depending on when they were kicked out, but they both still had scholarships to Backupsmoore so they'd be good once they went to college. Jerk Ford would conduct so many séances around Pines Pawns in the meantime that it would be super haunted forever)

---

Stanford: I was stuck in a dimension where the arm of the galaxy I was in was in the midst of a galactic war. And all of the men - and about a hundred other genders across the different alien species - regardless of age were required to serve in the war. But, there was a loophole.

Anyone who worked at Hooters, in space or terrestrial, was exempted, to improve the morale of the remaining civilian population of women - and about a hundred more genders across the different alien species - the real reason I was in trouble for not putting in my two weeks notice isn't just because it was bad work practice, but it made me a war deserter.

Stan: Please never speak of this again, and don't try it again.

Stanford: I can't anyways, lost too much weight. No 'hooters' to speak of anymore.

Stan: Please, stop talkin'.

Stanford: I made so much money, too.

Stan: Sometimes I wish ya didn't know words.

---

During a Game of Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons

Old Man McGucket, the Dungeon Master: You realize what you are facing is a type of ooze - a corrosive monster called a Black Pudding.

Jerk Ford, playing a Bard: Quick, is anyone's character a vegetarian?

Dipper, playing a Ranger: My character lives off of the land, so no.

Soos, playing a Druid: Same here dawg, no.

Wendy, playing a Tabaxi: Heck no.

Mabel, playing a Satyr: Surprisingly, no.

Melody, playing a Warforged: My character doesn't even eat.

Jerk Ford: Da-rn it! A vegetarian would be immune to the Black Pudding.

Old Man McGucket: ...And why do you think that?

Jerk Ford: Don't you know; if you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding?

*collective groaning from the other players*

Old Man Mcgucket:

Old Man Mcgucket: I'm giving you a negative inspiration point.

[divine-draws]

my take on shermie pines!!

[wolfythewitch]

Shermie!

[gruvu]

They are siblings. And Sherm needs to be caught up on all the shenanigans.

[paintedcrows]

Had a silly thought about hypothetical cat curse shenanigans with @dark-lord-of-awesomeness's How to Cat Burglar a Family ;)

Bonus doodle!!

[csodaturmix]

So basically, Ford's back, and I've been pretending to be him for the past 30 years, also I faked my death -

[ID under cut]

[Image description: digital art of Ford and Stan from Gravity Falls. They're smiling as Ford waves to Dipper and Mabel in an offscreen bus, and Stan wears his goodbye sweater. Stan's smile dissipates as he suddenly says: "Wait..."

Ford turns to look at him, and Stan exclaims: "Shit! We forgot to tell Shermie!" The last panel cuts to Shermie, who has gray hair and a mustache, sitting up in his bed in a dark room. He's holding the phone up to his ear with a weary expression, and his dialogue bubble just has a "..." (ellipsis). End ID.]

[knockknockwhosthereartistism]

Family Photos

[whateverthought]

I know there's a lot of debate about the Stans' age, and personally I've calculated it as 62, so Shermie would have had to have His Son(Dip+Mab Dad) at 16 and then the twins were born when their parents were 18 or vice versa. To me, I like the thought that Shermie didn't escape Filbrick's bad parenting and got a girl pregnant as a teenager and his son only managed to be slightly better and married the mother of his children only for their marriage to not work out. Bill Cipher referencing Dipper hearing his parents fighting.

It's the consequences of Bad Parenting and Abuse afflicted by this man that's haunting the narrative.

[mandareeboo]

Random Shit in Gravity Falls I think about constantly even though most of it was one-off gags

Dipper and Mabel probably have a criminal record (this could be viable for all sorts of shit they've done but I'm quoting specifically the counterfeiting that got them thrown in the county jail. I feel like that counts idk.)

The sheer existence of Sherman Pines. We know next to nothing about this man but the Pines family we know hinges entirely on him having fucked somebody who went on to fuck somebody else. We've only seen him as a baby.

The fact that the party in Double Dipper was just. Casually implied to have been Stan and Ford's birthday.

Dipper and Mabel share so much they unintentionally shared their first kiss with the same fucking guy. He's now presumably married to a manatee.

Stan petitioned the government to have a day removed from calendars so Soos would stop being sad. He's no longer allowed on airplanes because of this.

Ford got a tattoo before Stan did.

Stan probably lost all his teeth because of chewing his way through the trunk of a car.

Alex Hirsch didn't intend to make Pacficia's episode an abuse allegory but he did it so damn well I physically cannot unsee it as such

Stan is simply a better conman than Bill Cipher.

[the-shy-lonely-weirdo]

The Twin Noogie is Shermie’s big brother signature move.

[gampix]

The Pines (1972)

[dontmixpaintinyourcoffee]

Thinking about Stan faking his death again. He canonically was there for the birth of the twins and that leaves me with so many questions. Did he hide his hands the whole time? Did he just pretend to be Ford and hoped no one would notice the lack of extra fingers? Did he even bother pretending at all? Did he just hope that his entire family mixed up which Stan Twin died? Was anyone fooled by this? If Sherman was the baby in A Tale Of Two Stans then he would've been super young by the time the both of them left, it's at least an 18 year age difference, so it's not like he would notice a personality change. But he must've seen pictures. Did he notice and choose to not say anything? I honestly could totally believe that Stan just bullshitted his way through the whole event, both of the twins were so thoroughly isolated since they left home, and neither of them ever went back for visits or anything. None of their family would've actually known who they were as adults. God the Pines family makes me so sad

[tinfoil-jones]

Has Stan ever questioned Jerk Ford the reason why he is the only person he isn't a jerk to, since he's an a-hole even to the other members in their family?

"You don't know him like I do."

- Both Stans at the same time.

On Jerk Ford:

Throughout their lives, Stan insisted that just because Ford’s a jerk, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about anyone. He does care! Really! He just has a hard time showing it. No one ever believed him. You could just say that it’s a twin thing when Stan says something along the lines of “You don’t know him like I do” and they’re like well no shit he’s not a jerk to you. But, give Stanley some credit here, he’s more observant than you think he is.

---

Retired tech billionaire "Old Man" Fiddleford Hadron McGucket starts his mornings as he often does; going into his garage/workshop with a cup of coffee so he could re-tune his banjo for a few songs, quietly so as not to wake his wife.

He almost drops his cup of coffee when he see's theres something on his workbench that wasn't there last night.

A multitool.

One he hasn't seen in thirty years, but recognized instantly.

Carefully, he picks it and and inspects it, maybe it's just a replica.

FHM

Engraved in his late fathers handwriting, a loose scrawl that almost looked cursive if it weren't for the letters not being attached.

It's the same multitool. It's in pristine condition.

---

When they were just little boys, they were hiding behind the counter as their Pa was arguing with a customer, who ended up calling Filbrick a word they never heard before. Filbrick kicked the customer out, but it was clear he was more upset than he let off, in fact, he seemed almost sad, something neither twin had ever seen from their Pa. Filbrick then gave them a lecture that they can never repeat the word they just heard the man call him, because it was a very bad word that people used to insult and put down people 'of their faith'. 

A few minutes later, that same customer slipped on a banana peel that ‘came out of nowhere’, and sprained his ankle.

When they were a little older, Caryn was taking the twins out for a walk, when they passed a construction site and the construction workers started whistling at her, and giving her ‘compliments’ that she didn’t seem to like. She ignored it, but her little sons noticed her pace sped up and she almost rushed them away. 

That night, as those workers were double checking the work they’d done for the day, they were baffled to find that the concrete hadn’t set; the concrete had been tampered with, as if someone had poured a bunch of sugar in it while it was mixing. They’d have to redo it all over again, and it’d cost the company extra for the wasted concrete.

When the twins were in high school, Shermie, who had long since moved out but was visiting, was in tears telling their parents that his boss refused to give him the day off on the day his wife was due to give birth to their baby.

A week before the baby was born, his workplace was suddenly so badly infested with termites and roaches, that it would need two weeks to be properly fumigated, so the workers didn’t have to work while the fumigation was going on, and they’d still get paid because they were salary workers. Shermie was there with his wife when she gave birth to their son, and he got to dedicate a few days to just being with his wife and baby.

Their Ma would help out with Shermie's son sometimes, because both parents worked, but she also worked and would have her two younger sons help out with babysitting as well. And although Ford would gripe and complain about 'dealing with a brat all day', Stan had seen more than once that Ford would put the baby to sleep more than once by simply holding him in his arms and lying down with him, and also falling asleep.

In Backupsmore, Fiddleford was being bullied by a professor who looked down on him for being ‘a hick from an inbred, uneducated family’, and he was told to suck it up when he tried reporting her because she was tenured. In the middle of the year, she was unexpectedly replaced by a new, and much nicer, professor, and they were told their original professor was taking ‘an extended leave of absence’. 

She never came back, and it later came to light later on that the dean found a box full of documents and VHS tapes under his desk that hadn’t been there when he left his office the night before. All of which were extensive proof that the professor had been secretly embezzling the schools budget. 

When Ford comes back to their dimension after thirty years in the multiverse, no one who knew him from before is surprised that he’s still a huge indiscriminate jerk, and people who hadn’t personally known him but knew about him because of their yearly holiday that celebrated his disappearance were unpleasantly surprised to find out he was as bad as everyone said he was. And Stan didn’t necessarily disagree, but even after decades apart he could still see right through his twin as if he were made of rude glass.

Dipper's pens are suddenly indestructible to his chewing habit so no more mouthfuls of ink, and Mabel mysteriously never runs out of glitter; lately, it's also been more shimmery and almost... magical?

It doesn't matter where either of them fall asleep, they always end up waking up tucked into their beds, even though they told Grunkle Stan in the beginning of summer that they were too old to be carried and to just leave them wherever they’d crashed. 

Soos had been complaining all summer about his van making weird noises and having really poor mileage. Out of nowhere, Soos’s vehicle starts running like a dream and he’s getting ninety miles to a gallon, when it’s been twenty to the gallon at most as long as he’s had it.

Also, he didn't remember when he'd upgraded the graphics card of his home computer, but he sure is loving the higher FPS when he's playing video games.

Wendy is beside herself distressed and crying to Stan, Soos, and the Mystery Twins that her house had roof leak when a surprise summer rainstorm hit, and her favourite framed photograph of herself with her late mother was water damaged beyond repair, and is nearly unrecognizable.

The next day she asks her father when he’d made a copy of her photograph, and he replies that he has no idea what she’s talking about. She then takes a closer look at the newly framed picture she'd found on her desk that had been placed right next to her damaged one- did someone paint this…?

People assume that Ford only cares about his twin brother and no one else, because he's the only person he's never been a jerk to. But Stanley knows that isn't true; Ford loves just as strongly as he does, he just has a hard time letting people know.

As for Ford not being a jerk to him? Why would Ford bother, when Stan can see right through him? His twin is the only person who can see him, really see him.

---

Hours after Fiddleford had stormed out of the cabin with his bags in tow, Stanley looks over disheartened when he see's Stanford calmly place the multitool onto his own workbench.

"There were other ways to make him leave, Ford."

"I needed to make sure he wouldn't come back. That was too close of a call."

Ford had intended to give it back when the project was over, too bad it was on his belt when he was pushed into the multiverse.

[gruvu]

Sherman "Shermie" Pines, it took me far too long to make you a proper full body pic. I first had doodled him up in late.. 2016? I believe and he's been a favorite of mine for awhile. Who would have thought I would like a character that's never been seen mentioned like.. Five? Times. And take me nearly a decade to give him a mustache.

Anyway this is my Sherman, the eldest of the Pines boys. War Vet, divorced, and loving Grandpa regardless.

[a1m3v------two]

I know the implications of Sherman Pines and his son, Mr. Pines, being teen dads were unintended by the writers of gravity falls, but i think it is an interesting idea

it could be a factor as to why Dipper and Mabel’s parents have been fighting a lot recently, as implied by the Book of Bill. maybe Mr and Mrs. Pines got married as soon as possible after the twins were born, which is a rocky way to start a marriage, and could lead to it falling apart

[csodaturmix]

get Shermed idiot