#Shadow surprisingly enough does not suffer from this issue | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wrenqueenisboss · 3 years ago

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You saved me, you know

TW: suicide, self-harm, depression, crying, cursing, arguing parents, mental issues, trauma, self-harm scars, abuse (physical and mental), self-destructive behavior, HEAVY ANGST Note: I believe that Tommy uses his phrase “big man” in a gender neutral way. The reader is gender neutral, but Tommy still uses the phrase because I think it just works.

Characters: y/n, Technoblade, Wilbur, Tommy, Philza, abusive mom and dad Pronouns: gender neutral Words: 2.1k+

PLEASE be careful. This could be very triggering very easily.

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Technoblade, Wilbur, and Tommy had burst into the room of their youngest sibling one night, concerned that they hadn’t spoken to anyone at all that day. When they saw the state that their sibling, Y/n was in, they called Philza.

While they waited for Dadza to climb the stairs and reach Y/n’s bedroom, Techno walked over and cautiously sat next to Y/n on their bed. He placed a gentle hand on their shaking shoulders, trying to calm their sobbing.

After what seemed like only a few heartbeats, Phil was already by Y/n’s side. Comforting; talking slowly in his soothing voice. Wilbur went to get his guitar, beginning to play a soft lullaby. Tommy just sat on the floor in front of his sibling. He knew that his presence was calming enough, as long as he was calm too.

“What’s wrong, Y/n?” Techno asked, rubbing circles on their back. “Why are you crying?”

For the first time since they’d walked in Y/n’s room, they lifted their head from their hands. Their eyes were red, cheeks streaked with tears. But surprisingly, Y/n was smiling. No, not the joyful smiles that hold captured sunshine or grins that shine with the light of the stars. This was a sad smile, a ripple in a puddle, a small ray of light in the clouds, a hazy rainbow.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Y/n whispered. “Not anymore.”

“What do you mean, big man?” Tommy was just as confused as the rest of the family. “Explanation please.”

So, with a shaky inhale, Y/n began their story....

I was in the darkest time of my life.

The darkness looked a little bit too much like home. It was too familiar. Death was starting to look a little too much like a solution. Drowning in my own shadowed thoughts became a horrible habit. It was a terrible cycle. One I knew I needed to break.

The problem was, I didn’t know how. Countless times, I tried to force myself back into the person I used to be. The happy, upbeat, extroverted, optimistic person I used to be. It didn’t work. Nothing ever did.

All the while, the pressures of school were beating down upon me like the relentless waves of a stormy sea. I couldn’t catch a breath. Between all of the pressure and work and expectations that were the waves, and the mental demons that were the ocean rocks, I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t swim up to get air.

At a certain point... I figured it would be easier to just... swim down. I figured that the only way to end the terrible cycle was to end me. For the first time since I could remember, I was being kept up entirely by my own mind. And not my parents screaming at each other.

As the days continued, I became more and more fixated on the idea of death. You see, that’s the scary thing about depression. Towards the beginning, you can ward off your intrusive thoughts. You can list reasons as to why you should remain living, breathing, and maybe suffering for a little longer. You preach words of hope to yourself. Make yourself promise to hold on for a better future. But little by little, you lose those reasons. Your reasons dwindle away. So does your hope.

They fade. And whither. And shatter. They leave. And they die.

And soon, you’re left with an empty list of reasons and no hope. An empty promise to yourself. I was getting closer and closer to ending it all. Ending the insufferable sequence of torture.

Shockingly, my teachers began to notice my change in behavior. I thought I hid my emotions well. I was wrong. I thought a lot of things. I was wrong about those as well.

When I was partnered with some random kid for an annoying English assignment, I already knew that I had decided. I knew that I was going to die soon. I just hadn’t decided when. For some reason that I’ll never understand, my mind insisted on waiting until I finished the project. Until I got my grade back. Even then, the pressures of getting good grades were still ingrained in my scarred mind. At this point, my mind was just as scarred as my wrists.

But to my utter surprise, my English partner wasn’t a total asshole. Sure, he might have had the vocabulary of a sailor, was loud and slightly annoying at first, but I could tell he was smart.

One day, we needed to work overtime to finish the assignment. You see, this particular day wasn’t a great day at all. I had managed to retreat even farther into the hellish depths of my depressing thoughts. Death began to look even more like release. Like the perfect solution. Not to mention, my parents seemed to be at each other’s throats more than usual.

But school didn’t care. Life didn’t care. My responsibilities couldn’t wait. Neither could my English partner. He needed to pick up his grades or he wouldn’t be able to go to his older brothers’ football games. I was an only child. I didn’t understand that. He was insistent that we work at my house. Kept saying that his house was too chaotic and that we’d never get any work done.

I tried to explain the same thing. I tried to explain, without revealing anything too personal, that we simply couldn’t work at my house. The library would work. So would the park. Anywhere but my house.

He wouldn’t listen. My stubborn English partner walked me to my own house. He had looked up the directions after finding my address in the directory and was practically dragging me by the hand.

I couldn’t let him see the disaster that was my life. I had tried for so long to keep my school life and my home life as separate as possible. One disaster could not mix with another. That would breed catastrophe. I couldn’t deal with that.

But still, he walked me to my house, practically shoved me up my front stairs and waited expectantly for me to open the door and let us in.

I tried, one last time, to convince him that we should work somewhere else. I gave one more half-assed excuse. Unsurprisingly, my efforts were fruitless. Too emotionally and physically tired, I opened the door....

We were greeted by screaming. Accusations thrown like paper airplanes with knives for tips. Hurtful names called like names at morning attendance. Some things were broken. Yesterday, I cleaned up a broken mug. The one that I put my fingerprints on when I was three. The shards left a few small cuts on my hands. Nothing I wasn’t used to.

This time, there are a few picture frames laying face down on the floor. I can tell just by the frames what they are. The three of us at Disney. Mom and I at my kindergarten graduation. Dad and I at one of my sports games. All of these pictures are more than five years old. We don’t take family pictures anymore. Those are for real families. Real families are not us.

I grab my assignment partner’s hand firmly and lead him upstairs to my room. We can still hear the yelling, but it’s a little bit better. I make a mental note to clean up the mess downstairs later.

He sets down his backpack on the floor before sitting down. With the most concerned expression I’ve ever seen, he asks if I’m okay.

Tears nearly spring to my eyes. I’ve never been asked that question this genuinely before. It’s a question that’s only been asked to me out of obligatory concern. No one has actually cared. But my classmate seems to be different.

As a reward for his sincerity, his concern, I answer honestly. I answer with a dark laugh and a heavy-hearted no. That tells him what he needs to know. He can tell I don’t want to talk about it. He’s smart like that.

We work on the project for another hour before the screaming and shouting and accusing gets too loud. We decide together to work on the project together after school at his house. Before he leaves, we exchange numbers. Then, he sneaks out of the house as quietly as possible, trying not to catch my parents’ attention. But he goes unnoticed. Of course he does. Mom and Dad are too busy tearing each other apart with words meant only for people you are supposed to hate. Maybe they do hate each other. Nothing is clear anymore. It stopped being clear a while ago.

Fulfilling only one of my many self-promises, I walk downstairs to clean up the broken picture frames. Another smashed mug has joined the frames on the floor. It’s shattered irreparably as well. Just like my parents’ relationship. Just like me.

But of course, just as I bend down to carefully pick up the shards of broken glass and ceramics, I get yelled at. I get screamed at too. My relationship with my parents is just as fractured as their own. Or maybe it’s worse. I get hit sometimes. A sharp punch to the face, a horrible punishment, a kick to the diaphragm. It’s not always physical, though. The hateful words they use on each other are used on me too. It’s as if they don’t realize I say half of those things to myself already. I doubt they’d care if they did know. I doubt a lot of things these days.

In both of their anger - with themselves, each other, or me, I’ll never know - I acquire a few more cuts. A glass shard is pressed into my hand. I was shoved so hard I fell to the ground, right on top of the neat pile of glass and pottery that I had compiled. The skin on my knees splits open, as does the skin on my hand. Thank god it’s not my dominant hand.

Finally, I’m sent back to my room. I check my phone. I see a notification. It’s from my English partner.

He tells me to pack a bag in his text. Tells me that his father made dinner and that his brothers aren’t that scary.

I contemplate whether or not I should end it now. It wouldn’t be that difficult, I’m sure.

But I promised myself. I promised, for some reason I’ll never know, that I’d wait until I finished the project. Wait until I got my grade back.

So I do. I shove back the thoughts that tease me with the thought of death, of release. I shove them back to the dark space that is my mind. They don’t have a designated corner anymore. They’ve made my whole mindscape their home.

I end up packing my bags. I end up gathering my school supplies, two nights worth of clothes - just in case - and other basic necessities into two bags. Just like my English partner, I manage to slip out of my house unnoticed. Again, Mom and Dad are too busy arguing.

My classmate texts me his address. It’s actually close. Close enough to walk. So I do.

As I walk, I receive another text.

He tells me that he never got my name. Or that he did, and didn’t remember.

I tell him mine. Or I remind him. Same difference.

Just in case, he tells me his.

It’s Tommy.

Tommy introduces me to his family. To his loving dad, Philza. To his older brothers, the twins, Wilbur and Technoblade. They are kind and welcoming. And they love each other. Philza and his long-time girlfriend, Kristin. The family helps me become legally independent from my mother and father. They adopt me on my birthday. Everyone sheds a couple tears.

But now I finally have a proper family. One where I am loved. The love is like the calm tropical oceans. I remember when I used to drown in horrible waves of hate and pain and suffering and despair. Now I drown in different waves. Waves of love and warmth and family and support. And I’m happy with the way that I’m drowning. Which is more than I ever thought I’d be able to say.

Everyone is in tears as Y/n finishes their story.

“Oh my fuckin’ god, Y/n,” Tommy breathes, his voice shaky with the effects of his crying. Phil doesn’t scold him for his language. He’s too emotional himself.

Wilbur has long stopped playing his guitar. He sits beside Tommy now, holding his brother’s hand. For his comfort or for Tommy’s, it doesn’t matter.

Even the stoic Technoblade’s face has tear tracks that glimmer slightly in the light of the room. He’s crying. Mourning the pain his sibling - adopted, but sibling nonetheless - had to go through.

Y/n wipes their tears. Flashes that bittersweet smile again. The ripple in the puddle. The small ray of light. The hazy rainbow.

They take a deep breath in. They exhale. “You saved me, you know.”

“You actually saved my life.”

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pa-panda-heroes · 4 years ago

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No one asked but take it hERE YOU GO bc I’m suffering and I just need a 2d baby to help me with my shit spine-

Megumi, Yuuji, and Nobara helping out their s/o with back issues!

Megumi:

He doesn’t know a thing about it and what it’s like, or even heard of your issue. That said, he’s quick to look it up on the internet to figure out exactly what’s goin on, what might help, and what he can help with. Really wants to help if he can’

Need your shit put back into place? Megumi’s your guy! He’ll watch dozens of videos to learn how to do it, and while he may be nervous about cracking your back and shifting things back into place, he’s a natural at it. He’s gentle with you, refraining from manhandling and yanking you around when he doesn’t need to, and he somehow knows exactly how much pressure is needed and where.

Even though he does so well, he’ll always remark a firm “You really should see a professional about it, though.” He’s just pushy like that, even though he’s always happy to help where he can. Megumi just thinks it’s better to have someone trained and licensed to do something like this.

Probably won’t be too thrilled when you ask for a massage for the first time. Again, he’s fine with learning, but he doesn’t feel apt enough and encourages you to have a pro do it. You need to be as stubborn as Nobara to convince him.

Once you do, though, he realizes it’s kinda nice. The two of you can chitchat idly about anything that comes to mind and it’s really peaceful. It’s quiet. Void of the “excitement” that daily life has, be it fighting for your life against curses or trying to keep a tight leash on Yuuji and Nobara. And if you fall asleep? He’ll swoon.

Eventually he’ll pick up on what aggravates your back and what doesn’t, as well as what helps and what doesn’t. Megumi will also quickly notice cues in your body language or demeanor that call for his help, painkillers, or a much-needed break.

If you’ve been out and about all day exorcising curses and the pain gets unbearable, asking him to carry you on his back can yield various results. If the others are around or if you’re in public, he’ll be pretty adamant you take some pain pills and rest for a little while.

It’s not that he sees it as a burden or anything; he likes that you’d ask him. However, the thought of carrying you on his back in front of other people is quite flustering to him, but if you’re actually wounded aside from your usual issue, he’ll follow along with a bit of grumbling. When no one’s around, though, he’ll offer before you can ask.

Yuuji:

You’d think he would be clueless and utterly confused, but nay! Yuuji knows lidocaine patches are a gift to this world, hot pads are a gem, and hot baths are an absolute miracle. Well, they can be. He knows that when it’s especially bad, it’s bad and your best bet is to find the most comfortable resting position as possible and leave it at that.

Sympathetic as hell. Yuuji has seen what back pain can do to someone - he saw that with his own grandfather, even if the old man’s issue was brought on by his age. While he doesn’t experience it himself, Yuuji just knows. He doesn’t know how to pop you back into place, though. The old man was stubborn about letting him do that, so he has no experience.

Great at cracking things back into place once you teach him, even if he can be a bit clumsy actually getting into position to do it. “No, you have to stand so that I’m facing you.” “Oh, so... like this, with my hands this way?” “Yuuji, sweetheart, you can’t pop my hips back into place from my knees-“

He tries so hard to help out. Whether it’s popping up out the blue (and giving you one hell of a fright) with painkillers, keeping a literal stockpile of lidocaine patches in his pockets, or constantly asking if he can “crack” you (much to the bewilderment of everyone else because he gives no context-), Yuuji nearly smothers you.

It’s cute, though, and he’s smothering you for all the right reasons! When you happen to be in the city after a job well-done, he’ll offer to buy you ice cream, “since you worked so hard today and your back is probably killing you.” “Yuuji, are you using my shit back as an excuse to gorge on sweets?!” Yes, yes he absolutely is. And with the massive puppy eyes he gives you, there’s no way you can say no.

Loves loves loves to do the thing where he hugs you from behind, squeezes real tightly, and jerks you up. He’ll say it’s because it seems to help and the relief he sees on your face afterward is wonderful to see, but it’s really because he just likes squeezing you.

Gives you piggyback rides all the time. You can refuse and tell him your back is fine to walk all you want, but it won’t work. He’ll come up with an excuse along the lines of preventing your back from getting bad. You have to somewhat admit he has a point, and he honestly does believe in that. But he’s just happy to carry you.

Horrible masseuse. Dear Fujisan keep this boy the hell away from your muscles. Popping and cracking you entails quick, hard pressure and maneuvers, while massages entail constant pressure over periods of time and slow, graceful movements. Yuuji is neither slow nor graceful. He tries so hard for you, tho

Nobara:

This poor girl has no idea what the hell is going on with you but still somehow does everything right. And she’s totally bewildered when a wild guess in the dark actually works, like.... what?? Are you sure you’re not faking it so she doesn’t feel bad for being clueless?? Y/n?? Hello??

Scared of her own shadow when it comes to helping crack you or put your back into place. Remember Noboara’s little “muri muri muri” dance when she found out Yuuji ate a cursed object? That is exactly what you get when you bring it up to her, because she’s afraid she’ll hurt you.

You will have to show her on her own body what you need before she’ll consider doing it. Or, you can taunt her. That always works! But once she’s got it down, Nobara might even ask you if you can work on her back or refer her to the chiropractor that you go to when you’re able. She’s curious to see how an adjustment could help her even though she doesn’t have any problems.

Pain killers and heating pads galore. She has so much stockpiled in her cabinet, you wonder if she eats pills like candy. In reality, she just likes to be prepared. She keeps plenty of other things of a medical nature, too. “Hey, hey, hey, y/n! Have you tried a back brace? I’ve got this kind, and this kind...”

Actually gets super interested in your condition. Nobara will scour the internet trying to learn everything she can, be it looking at x-ray samples or treatments. She even saw a video detailing the process of drilling screws and metal bars into the spine to treat scoliosis, once. Needless to say, she gets a handle of what your condition is rather effectively.

Unless you’re a fair amount under 160cm/5ft3 in height, you’re probably not getting any piggyback rides from Nobara. You can bet she’ll try, though, especially when the others (or you) tease her about it. She’ll pull it off out of hard spite, just to prove them wrong because she can do anything she puts her mind to and she’s stubborn.

Ask her for a massage. Do it. You will not regret it! Nobara’s lithe fingers are perfect for rolling out any built-up tension. She knows just what kind of pressure, where to put it, and how to move her fingers over your muscles to help reduce pain, tension, and just overall stress.

And she has fun doing it, too! She loves helping you out, and every once in a while when she’s really focused, you can catch her humming to herself with a tiny smile and cheery glint to her eyes. Nobara is surprisingly a quiet masseuse because of her intense focus, so you’ll have to do most of the talking if you feel like it.

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #fushiguro x reader #itadori x reader #kugisaki x reader #megumi x reader #yuuji x reader #nobara x reader #fushiguro megumi x reader #itadori yuuji x reader #kugisaki nobara x reader #disclaimer:this was entirely self-indulgent and definitely led by my own experiences with scoliosis whoops

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vaguely-concerned · 4 years ago

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X-men Evolution; the great 2021 rewatch liveblog

exactly what it says on the tin, about halfway through the show I had TOO MANY FEELINGS and had to start writing some of them out haha (gets quite gambit & rogue/gambit heavy in the latter half, Because of Who I Am as a Person)

- this is my childhood’s x-men, my formative experience with them, and I’m happy to report that still seems like a good thing. the little eleven year old within me gets to geek out and have a good time with the characters and the surprisingly good animation and writing, adult me gets to CACKLE at regular intervals at the fashion/technology/absolute bonkers hot garbage comic book nonsense they use to justify a storyline every now and then, it’s been a good time

- I was like ‘ah well it is super dated it probably won’t be quite the same now’ and then rogue’s HAIR did the THING in the opening and ‘it’s all coming back to me now’ started playing in the background... the little baby queer in me swooning across time and space

- such a good beast, both his design and the writing, my heart aches for him all the time. he’s just so passionate! about being a teacher! helping young humans learn the stuff they’ll need in life! the most wonderful nerd man, just let good things happen for him

- I’m going to go ahead and assume that rogue’s ‘crush’ on scott is more of a deeply complex psychological process about desiring normalcy and intimacy and trying to figure out if she’s queer and dealing with her emerging sexuality and latching on to the first and best safely unavailable and nonthreatening older boy to project these issues onto rather than actually being a real thing, because I respect her so much as a person and I cannot bring myself to imagine she’s honestly attracted to a man who has POSTERS OF CARS on his bedroom wall. (I’ll give jean a break just because she seems to have a longer deeper history with him that might counteract some of that libido-kill, and also she’s a jock so lol)

like I am very sorry but can u imagine being a teenage girl with any interest in a boy with model cars in his bedroom when gambit’s swanning around being a much, much, much worse choice on almost every possible level but in a teen girl kryptonite kind of way? inconceivable

(I drag scott quite a few times in this and it’s not because I don’t love him, it’s just his tragedy to be the most draggable man in the world)

to be fair by the time gambit shows up that whole Situation has mostly played itself out I suppose but still

- toad’s design is so ineffably brilliant, I can’t quite tell you why but that ugly cute charm has really stuck with me, he’s one of the characters I remembered the best to this day just visually

- poor evan... he truly never had a chance, did he, they just saddled him with the most 90s teen bullshit they could come up with like he’s some kind of ‘what adult writers think teens like’ frankenstein’s monster ;______; it’s not your fault honey

- poor poor POOR storm, she gets one focus episode and they were like ‘we’re going to make an episode so racist -- ‘

I’m still STUNNED at how bad it was, but undeniably I laughed hysterically to the point that my neighbours were probably worried when that dude was earnestly like ‘He [stunningly breathlessly racist caricature of a ‘witch doctor’ guy] has stolen her powers, and he’s going to use them to take over Africa!!!’ fhajsdlfhsakjldfh oh really? tell me more, like how the fUCK this could be on television within my life time fasdlfhsdkjfhsad f just... fahjksdfh

- it’s a testament to gambit’s appeal as a character that his charm can survive what they’ve done with his hair and beard choices in this one fajskfhs regrettable but true I still fuckn LOVE him and in my highly biased yet Correct opinion he should have been around much more. get you a man who manages to stay hot through sheer Vibes even with a bowl cut

- aw scott/jean is kind of sweet in this show even if it’s taking them forEVER to get there, I like it

- it’s very nice of rogue to not mention magneto’s romantic daydreams and nostalgic memories about charles xavier after touching his face that one time... or maybe her brain did her a service and repressed it, there’s some stuff you shouldn’t have to know about your father figure

- the danger room is the very definition of ‘why do we even have that lever’ and I wonder what the fuck prof x does to have enough money to replace everything that gets busted all the time

- I’d say that a lot of the writing holds up surprisingly well! (but some of it is also incredibly inexcusably racist in ways that beggar belief, so... not full marks here) the characters have distinct voices and their arcs are set up and delivered on solidly for the most part, and there’s a lot of love showing through in small moments that are just there to have a funny/interesting thing to say about the characters and how their powers work separately and in combination. listen, sometimes I get so thirsty for like. basic goddamn competency in storytelling, let me have this

- ugggggh why is there captain america in my x-men have I not suffered enough... very very funny when prof x goes ‘sounds like you knew rogers personally’ and logan is like ‘I did ;)’ *all the students ganging up on steve rogers* “did you fuck our teacher, captain america?!”

- fskadfhas WHY are you showing me hot young-ified magneto’s ass fksjahfskj charles is not even here to see it, what a tragic waste erik

- ...I was sort of kidding before but uh I think logan genuinely did fuck captain america (or at least wishes very much that he did lol)

- wanda can have a little watching the world burn. as a treat for the way every single adult in her life has fucking failed her (’aren’t they treating you well here’ professor x she’s in a straightjacket)

- poor rogue tho can you imagine finding out after your biggest crush on a girl yet that she’s your fucking MOM in disguise... I would break out in cold sweat every time I thought about a boob forever after

- well seems like they really just had all that homoerotic rivalry stuff between quicksilver and spyke in their first ep only to never do anything with that again ever?? I mean even without the gay undertone that seems like a dynamic you spent most of an episode setting up writers what the hell haha

- dslhfkasjlh GAMBIT THERE HE IS MY BOY IS ON THE SCENE THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! I don’t even care about his awful hair situation or the fact that his eyes are wrong here (coloured contact lenses, maybe, for a watsonian explanation? though he’d probably have to get them made special, considering he needs the sclera and the iris covered up in different ways, I’ve seen some comic panels indicating he has been known to?)

(cute little detail: when he shuffles the cards the first time we see him he ends with removing the top card to show the ace of hearts beneath <3 foreshadowing baBEY he’s a... good-ish boy deep down. hey he tries okay shit gets complicated sometimes lol)

- cracking UP at gambit perched cheerily on the edge of a crate dispensing cards in the middle of the battle... he’s like ‘eh it’s a livin’ sfsajkhf remy stop working for supervillains just because you had nothing to do on a thursday afternoon and they said they’d pay you

- I’m guessing magneto must have imposed a strict order of silence on these guys or something because I cannot imagine any other reason for him to shut up, especially once he notices rogue is a QTE (or, far more likely, they hadn’t settled on any voice actors for the new characters until next season haha. it is kind of odd that they’re all keeping up near monastic silence, though, even sabertooth lol)

- WHAT an epic first meeting for us rogue/gambit fans here... first his shadow like there’s fireworks going off behind him lighting him up and then he gives her the fuckn king of hearts and she’s so enchanted by his dumb handsome face she doesn’t even notice it’s about to blow up in her hands and it all happens in heavily meaningful silence afjsdfjashjk no wonder this ship ingrained itself in my hindbrain

yeah look smug while you can remy she’s gonna have you on your knees one day and you’ll be happy about it lol

- god storm is so COOL, everything just fading out of focus when she really gets going... give her more screen time, show!!

- mystique is every person... this person... that person... that bird... that cat... that wolf... I’m not even sure she’s not also me... are you sure she’s not you?

- holy fuck I respect the hell out of the decision to just... blow up the entire status quo in a season ender, I only vaguely remembered that (actually in general I appreciate how good the continuity is -- buildings and places that get damaged in battles need to be repaired or rebuilt, it makes the consequences feel more real even when no one gets seriously hurt. where they get the money to restore scott’s car and logan’s motorbikes every time they go cablooie is still an open question tho lol is it credit card fraud, professor? is it telepathically acquired blackmail???)

- I first watched this when I was nine or so, so it’s a real experience to go from my starry eyed intrigued ‘oh my god... they’re teenagers’ to my horrified adult perspective of ‘oh my god... they’re TEENAGERS D:’

that goes double for the brotherhood boys honestly, I’m here with tears in my eyes like ‘I’m sorry the system has failed you so badly you’re all just a bunch of dumb kids whose caretakers clearly fucked up spectacularly’

like lance is always waiting for mystique to come back because she’s the closest thing he has to a safe parental figure, may we speak about how crushingly depressing that is

- rogue is so ready to throw hands at literally any moment and for that I love and treasure her immensely (I think getting to see her be so surly and unreasonable and sometimes difficult and jealous, like any teenager, meant a lot to me as a kid who was not really allowed to be any of these things, this version of the character has stayed with me so deeply. she holds on so fiercely to her right to feel what she feels and be what she is even when it’s ‘ugly’ or unreasonable, which I think plays in really interestingly with how her powers involve getting invaded by other people’s thoughts and memories to the point of overwhelming her own sense of self and the fact that she clearly has a lot of self-loathing and self-consciousness and confusion about her identity as well. I love her so much)

- oooof this is the ‘the gang experience a microaggression’ episode huh (well more like macroagressions really)

hits a bit different with adult eyes and perspective huh

- hearing jean sound almost like a child when she says ‘that’s so unfair!’ somehow has me like ;______; -- she has to be so adult and responsible all the time, and having her be reduced to the kid she still is and should get to be in front of this awful awful man she could squash like a bug with the flick of a thought... ugh I’m Big Sad (it is funny that jean seemingly plays Every Sport tho djfhaskj)

- MY BOY IS BACK!!! this time with the duster coat and his eyes the right colour, im so happy (too bad about the subdued colour scheme tho; I adore his dumb bright pink getup with my whole heart)

it’s kind of adorable that he takes the time to take the bullies aside and go ‘I know these guys can’t wreck you without getting expelled, but I think you’ll find no law set down by god or man would stop me from doing so whenever I wanted to. so piss off and leave them alone’ lol he’s looking out for them, in his own way

- in this episode: remy lebeau wrangles some kids while looking bored yet mildly amused the whole time. what the fuck does magneto have on you for you to agree to this level of babysitting duty buddy

- fun detail I noticed b/c when I get a fave I hyperfixate: he gave rogue the king of hearts before, but he ‘introduces’ himself to the brotherhood here (lol) with the jack of hearts, probably to symbolize he’s here as someone who works for magneto in this setting and not as his own man? it’s a demotion he’s given himself there, anyway, might be he’s not very pleased about his current position huh

- I like it when rogue and kitty team up, they’re not very effective together but their squabbling is so cute and non-aggressive

- pietro is what draco malfoy would be if I ever found malfoy interesting to watch for even one moment, every time quicksilver talks I’m like ‘what wonderfully insufferable thing is going to come out of your mouth this time you little shit :’)’

- a) why are scott and logan shirtless for this scene? I am not complaining on the logan side of things at least but why and b) I laughed so hard I almost fell off my couch when scott asked logan if he’d ever been in love and he was like ‘once. she was the most beautiful bike I ever saw’ falsdfhaskjfhsakjlfhasklhjfd THE BEST VERSION OF WOLVERINE EVER, ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES

- mystique’s sheer dedication to being a petty bitch is kind of inspirational tbh, almost makes me want to go on a completely bonkers and extra crusade of personal revenge myself

- oooh they’re doing some genuinely cool things with vision/lack of vision in this one (it’s the scott left on his own in the desert without glasses one btw) even visually, dang! I’m so sad this show didn’t get more seasons than it did, honestly, it deserved it

- hell yeah jean wreck her, go get your man with the suspiciously specific clothing damage normally done to female characters

awww :’) okay yeah they’re super sweet, I love the tiny loving animation details like how he leans his head against her and her stroking his hair away from his eyes

- nooo don’t bully evan leave my t0tally r4dical sk8er boy alone :(

- I love the running joke of people fleeing in blind panic only to reveal that what they’re running from is kitty’s cheerful well meaning little face fskfaskh

- scott and jean are already peak married after officially being together for one episode and it’s adorable, and they just stone cold threw logan under the bus, rip wolverine we hardly knew ya

fjasdlfasldfhslajdkfhsadkjlfhsdkjalfhsdakfh h jean establishing herself as the alphabitch of this relationship by throwing her man to the wolves right after dsjfhaskjfhaskjhfsakjdhfaskjhfaskdhfskjahfskdajhf get smarter or get volunteered scott

- ...eyepatch lady is so hot ngl

oh evan went to the place hank used to go to calm down ;________; (honestly he’s kind of won a place in my heart just by being a pretty normal teenage boy haha)

- jesus fucking CHRIST can you imagine being storm having to look her sister in the eye as she tells her ‘I lost your only child, he’s *vague gesture* somewhere in the sewers we think’ this poor woman

- amanda the self admitted monster fucker you are so VALID (I love her and her family’s design so much tho!)

- it’s so cool that even in his human ‘disguise’ kurt’s fingers follow the shape of his actual hand beneath it rather than moving like a five fingered hand, it’s such a lovingly consistent little detail

- magneto and mystique in a breathless race to see who can be the shittiest parent... tune in next week for yet another parental nadir (also some low-poly gambit appearances in this one, for those at home keeping score (me), he’s in the background looking like someone drew him with their eyes closed fakjldfhasd look how they massacred my boy)

- someone please teach the brotherhood boys about consent huh

- jean ‘soccer mom before her time’ grey and her SUV dfhakjlhds :’)

- im sobbing rogue baby girl i’m so sorryyyyyy, this voice actress is so good, my parental instincts suddenly kicked into overdrive hearing the crack in her voice :( (bb me was right tho rogue centric episodes ARE the best episodes. that tension between ‘do I identify witn this character or am I crushing on her?? both???’ now has the fun new addition of ‘oh god oh no you are a baby I want to shield you with my body from everything trying to hurt you’)

- mystique is like ‘so you see despite you telling me you never wanted to see me again I completely disrespected that and posed as a friend your age, manipulated you by offering you the mirage of direly needed emotional intimacy and belonging and added some sprinkles of homoerotic tension to it just to massively worsen your already existing grievous psychosexual trauma and identity issues... out of love’

god go jump in a black hole you fucking monster

- there’s some very interesting and quite subtle subtext about the people she’s morphing into and what that says about her mental state/how it shows off some of her emotional baggage with the rest of the team. it’s like she’s switching between people/powers that fit the purpose as if she’s going through cycles of fight/flight (and then bursts of freeze where she’s herself, which is... so sad)

- this whole episode is hurting my heart but rogue at full power is undeniably epic

- ‘professor x get your goddamn act together and get this poor girl some fucking tHERAPY’ challenge

- SAFE PAPA LOGAN ;_____;

- EYYYYYY opening straight on My Lad, I cannot stop winning!!!!!

fasdfhsad disintegrating the window with a smiley face... remy I do love you more than my heart can bear honestly, hello may we speak about the fact that his urge to be a little shit is so deep and strong it survives mind control (that little breathed out ‘hiah!’ as he vaults the fence too dsakfjsd)

hahaha and he does up the coat fhsalfdsaj

- magneto dismissing other telepaths like ‘puh-lease, your Meaningful Looks have got nothing on my ex-husband’s’

- :’) rogue and kurt sibling timeees

- say what you want but this pyro guy’s got job satisfaction in being a creepy arsonist with a weird recurring horse theme (well at least twice but still weird)

- I love how beast is the kindest man to ever walk the earth but also straight up savage, this man drags people so hard their ancestors wince in their graves

- gambit taking the time to complete the guard’s game of solitaire -- this episode is giving me everything I want. u little disgrace mr lebeau

and THEN he takes the spider out in the most hilariously bonkers way my heart is so FULL

(I love that when magneto moves by he looks startled and has to quickly move his head out of the way to avoid getting kicked in the temple too that’s a fun detail)

I’m so INTO how this sequence shows off that his greatest strength isn’t even his powers (which are pretty straightforward, really, he makes go boom, longer time and bigger thing bigger boom) but that he’s clever and creative and always extremely ready to be the most harebrained-bananapants-extra-in-a-deceptively-laidback-sort-of-way person in the room (I actually have some genuinely Deep Thoughts about how his whole character does a really interesting thing with having the straightforwardly destructive nature of his powers yield to what his nature as a person is, and how using the playing cards play (heh) into it, maybe I’ll write it out some day. just the fact that he could use anything, but he deliberately chose something that adds style and playfulness and corny charm to it and that also limits the damage of the explosions compared to if he habitually used something with more mass... I find it fascinating how much he’s made a story around himself with it and how deeply it shows he does have a good heart, at the end of the day, in almost a metatextual way. he doesn’t want to destroy things or people, he’s at worst (and best lol) a thief.)

- I honestly have literally no memory of white nick fury (which seems so weird now isn’t it funny) in this series from when I was a kid, he clearly did not make an impression on me lol

- mr wolverine ‘assigned canadian at birth’ x-men

- oh man I dig the androgynity of x-23′s outfit (even tho they had to compensate with the long hair, which... kind of doesn’t make sense in-universe but does on a design level because it’s a crucial thing that she’s a female clone of logan so yeah okay fine whatever have your arbitrary gender markers if you must haha)

ooooooh that’s actually really clever, they make her gender gradually more obvious as she unravels through the episode and her outfit changes -- first the mask coming off, and then her jacket opening to show her silhouette more clearly, that’s cool!

- my god what really sets this show apart is how much it invests in little character and relationship moments, it’s just so fucking GOOD! it gives laura looking in on those moments such depth and weight because it’s new to her but established to us as an audience, this is how you make found family devastating people (storm growing bonsai trees is so charming too haha)

- ooof this is honestly quite harrowing

SHE’S SO SMALL COMPARED TO HIM I’M CRYING (at least that part of his genes translated over faslkfsjdh short king, I say this with all the love and support of a fellow short monarch)

- tabitha seems to just be running around doing precisely whatever the fuck she wants and you know what I support her even if she is an asshole her father left her a bunch of trauma and no fucks left to give

- still thrilled about professor x explaining the spider key fuckup to magneto after the fact like ‘magnus you dumb bitch this is why we split up’

- awww kitty has anime and movie posters on her wall and sleeps with a stuffed toy :’)

- remy rogue

🤝

doing completely unnecessary parkour around the brotherhood living room seemingly just for the hell of it... I’m not saying soulmates but fucking soulmates

- fhsadkjlfhsakjldfhsadjkfhsdajkfh just as gambit’s soul-level need to be a little shit survived his bout of mind control, rogue’s deep and urgent desire to kiss gambit full on the mouth survived hers I can’t breathe

she looks so pleased with herself too GOOD FOR YOU GIRL at least get something out of this other than more trauma

also not only the fact that he’s smart enough to figure out what’s going on (though he’s only partially right about who’s behind it. I do so enjoy gambit/mystique deep and sincere antipathy as a constant across all universes tho lmao pure wlw/mlm hostility) but also that he keeps fending her off like he’s not trying to hurt her even though she’s in nigh on unstoppable and invulnerable terminator mode... awww

- gambit having absolutely no patience for wolverine and sabertooth’s bullshit macho-off and consistently being this little biker trio’s one brain cell is adding years to my life with every passing moment

his voice is a little different in these scenes too, a bit softer and less like he’s trying to impress someone, it’s nice

- hank: well I barely recognize any of these (completely made up) ‘ancient egyptian hieroglyphs’ but from what I can make out -- *proceeds to infodump a perfect coherent narrative* fjdhfak

listen this whole thing is such nonsense on so many levels, I’m just turning my brain off so I won’t have to think about it okay, the compulsion to put ancient aliens in egypt haunts us as a culture

- I am CACKLING about gambit in the snow after having to listen to these two chucklefucks ooze testosterone at each other for hours

he started out taking it in good cheer and is now reduced to ‘dieu would both of you just jump off this fUCKING mountain please’

- ah. a little oops-a-daisy there, we seem to have unleashed the apocalypse. please stand by (they really don’t pull their punches with the season cliffhangers in this show haha)

- opening the season on gambit’s merrily grinning face is the easiest way to gain my favour. yes good this season may commence

baby u r my

ANGELLLLLLLL

(he’s so cute here tho haha I think it shows the design isn’t unsalvagable, just get him better hair and stubble more like logan has and you’ve basically got it)

love his exasperated eyeroll when the dude gets spooked (by his eyes? or just the general weirdness?) too

he’s just trying to keep this crazy family of evil mutants together and unmurdered by one another until they’ve managed to avert the end of the world, bless him

- oh NO rogue’s LIP wobbles my hhhhhheart ;____; such a good animation detail to put in

- like... I know kurt is just a sad scared teenager with a lot of shit going on and all the adults are too busy averting the end of the world to help him... but buddy maybe don’t ask your sister to wake her abuser (who forced her to kickstart the end of the world!!!!!) when she feels utterly unsafe even with her statue version around huh

- ...wanda is good and I want only good things for her. and for her dad to be disemboweled for what he did to her both the first time around and when he forced her to forget I mean what

- magneto throwing an epic satelite-slinging tantrum b/c ‘no I am the biggest sexiest strongest mutant of the pack :(’... erik fucking get over yourself

- yes boys absolutely go along with a plan suggested by a dude who looks at you like this

nothing bad can come of this surely asdfkhsa

- lance’s quarter of a braincell always trying to go ‘hey wait, maybe... not do this???’ and it never helps lol

- in this episode: Logan Has A Bad Day

...some very specific bondage positions he’s held in here, I am sure this episode awakened something in someone once upon a time lol

- logan shielding x-23 with his body... im fine it’s okay I’m not crying don’t look at me

- afsdhlsdfjasdlk those sure are some ‘scottish’ accents flsadkjhkdsjahfsd

- scott relieved to finally be able to cede the position of ‘charles xavier’s least favourite son’ to someone else fjsaklfhsajd (poor scott it’s not your fault honey)

supremely cowardly to suggest there is an ex-wife involved rather than charles slutting his way around the british isles back in the day but okay

- kurt with a cold is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. it’s okay kid it’ll get better soon

- ...is there an implication here that professor x is naturally blond. because I am losing my entire little mind about it (i mean he at least has to carry the gene, as does this lady?)

ETA: upon doing some research into this I can indeed confirm that charles xavier does seem to be naturally blond, and after this knowledge I will never be the same

- “listen, dracula” fskdafghasd oh scott you sweet baby angel I love you

- I know jean’s abilities are a bit ‘as strong or as weak as the plot needs right now’ at this point (so you can have the setup for what’s going to happen with them eventually and she’s basically invincible ;____;), and normally I’m cool with it but god I want her to just squash lucas like a little bug

- ewwwww please don’t ever say ‘daddy’ like that again

- ...what the fuck is even going on this episode’s a mess

like okay the split personality thing could be something but the way it’s done... what just happened lol

- MY BOY EVAN IS BACK! with a real glowup too (...though kind of weird how he suddenly looks like a grown man)

- augh scott’s eyes are so pretty oh my god ;__________________________;

- that episode in the first season where evan makes the ‘this is my new family!!’ video is so sad now (also, again, his poor poor parents)

- time for: life affirming road trip with gambit (involuntary) faskljdfhaskjd

stunt therapist remy lebeau

- I mean the way he goes about it is batshit insane and it’s very much secondary to what he’s actually up to but this is the first time rogue’s sounded genuinely hopeful and confident and like herself in like a season <3

- he is disconcertingly pleased about her nearly throwing him off the train, and may I just say I agree it’s so nice to see rogue with her old fire back

- the first time I watched this it was of course dubbed into norwegian, so I had no idea either of these characters were southern lol (though to be fair I probably wouldn’t have had much context for what it meant exactly either, I was like ten at the time and not too interested in america) I seem to dimly remember the norwegian voice actor did a little more of a ‘french’-tinged accent for gambit all over tho haha

- you know what respect where it’s due, pyro dude knows to live his life for the lols and one has to admire his sociopathic dedication to it

interesting that he, too, seems to have fucking hated magneto -- I wonder if the implication here is that he kept all the acolytes in line with blackmail or by keeping something/one hostage? (except sabertooth maybe he’d just have to say ‘you get to fuck shit up and fight wolverine’ and that’d be enough)

- fsdakfhsd he’s so focused on her he doesn’t notice that guy about to hit him fkafhsa

- fuck everything else except whatever the hell these two’ve got going on

- it’s weirdly cathartic to have rogue have a conversation with someone who was not happily adopted as well, I don’t think kurt like. gets it because his parents loved him unconditionally and still do

birds of a feather motherfucker

- fun detail: when the x-men team are on the shore and logan is sniffing around scott is stepping in something and trying to wipe it off his boots in the background

- when he wakes up after passing out from the touch he’s smiling even though she’s standing over him looking like the rage of god outlined by the moon fsajfsa well the last time he passed out like that it was from a kiss, maybe he still has some hopes and dreams in that direction lol (also he recovers from the tumble down the hill first and is checking on her before accidentally brushing her cheek with his hand, which I thought was sweet)

and it was in that moment he knew he fucked up *passes out*

- ‘I can explain’ can u remy. can u

- did it ever even occur to you to just. ask her. to help you. I mean I know it didn’t but like rogue’s always one second away from throwing hands with some bully and is stupidly ride or die, if you’d given her the puppydog eyes she would have crumbled immediately (fair enough I guess this entire episode is telling us he’s not from a background where he has much experience with people just helping him without a price haha)

- his eyes glowing when he’s angry or upset or using a lot of his power is undeniably cool as all hell. I’m just saying it would be Big Sexy if they sort of flickered with light in moments of genuine vulnerability okay

- his coat... his coat is what makes the Silhouette tm and I could not be happier about it

- another parent of the year contestant enters the running lol “hey remy have you ever considered that you’re more of a walking bomb factory than a person? that’s certainly how I think of you hahaha c’mon kid let’s go”

- the running joke of jean luc getting dollar signs in his eyes seeing the other mutant powers and gambit being like ‘nO!!!!’ and pulling him along is amazing haha

- from the way he looks when he touches rogue accidentally and the way he talks to his dad I’m sort of getting the feeling this gambit might actually be a bit younger than he looks?

here too -- idk why but it’s making the ‘wait is he baby???’ alarms go off in my head haha. very early twenties at most.

- and we’ve officially seen him with all the face cards in the heart suit folks! (yes this is the sort of thing my brain notices no I don’t know either)

- poor logan running his ass off this whole episode in a panic and then she’s like ‘nah he’s fine (in several meanings of the word ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) please put him down’ hfaskfsda

- rogue without makeup!!! her eyes look so naked like this haha <3

- oooh here’s a really interesting thing that tickles my brain a bit in this specific part of the scene where gambit frees his dad -- the part where he’s leaning against the door frame waiting for jean luc, who’s about to suggest using the opportunity to ruin the rival gang from the inside rather than slipping away while they still can

from his expression here he knows what’s about to happen, what jean luc is about to say, and it’s clearly a ‘man who thought he’d lost all hope loses last additional bit of hope he didn’t even know he still had’ sort of situation. he KNOWS what jean luc is like, and it still hurts that he really, honestly can’t give him even this, can’t appreciate that remy’s already done all this shit for him when he extremely didn’t have to, without immediately (no really, it took him less than ten seconds to go there? jesus) demanding more.

remy tells him “I’m just here for you” and jean luc does not understand it. remy seems to be sincere in this motivation -- rogue certainly thinks so, having experienced it second hand and found enough at least emotional merit in it to decide he was worth saving even after all his bullshit (lol a bit of a running theme maybe. I think it’s very telling that after she absorbed mystique she was like ‘what the FUCK you’re a fucking monster’, and after she absorbed gambit she went ‘you did the wrong thing for the right reasons’ after she got over the first wave of outrage)

there’s also what he says as he stands there: “You don’t need me for that”, with the distinct implication that jean luc would only keep him around because he has a use for him and for no other reason -- and then jean luc shamelessly doubles down on that by specifying that it’s not even him he’s got a use for as such, just his powers. that’s some kicking puppies level of deliberately missing the point, it’s almost impressive in how cheerfully mean it is haha

this idea of using people is really important in this episode because remy’s doing basically exactly the same thing to rogue to begin with; it doesn’t really matter to his plan that it’s her that’s with him through this, just what her powers are. (I think it’s p r e t t y solidly implied that he does actually like her a lot outside of that too and maybe there is some comfort in having her around for this, but mostly he’s behind a smokescreen of lies through the whole thing sooo I doubt he’s even aware of it, honestly)

but then it does matter that it’s her when she comes back for him, even after what he did. and unlike jean luc he understands what that means, that she did that for him, and that she didn’t have to. and instead of asking her for more, in return he gives her the thing it’s been established is what he considers the most valuable thing he has; his ‘last card’, the thing he’s credited with keeping him alive many a time, basically. it’s gone from using to mutuality, a tentative place of friendship, and at the end of the day he is a different man than his adoptive father, with a capacity for selflessness and love he lacks. which is of course some of the same stuff going on with rogue and mystique too, except rogue acted from a more fragile and unstable place and did something she regrets, or at least has a LOT of doubts about now, and she found some catharsis in helping someone make a different choice in a similar situation. man there’s some Stuff going on under the surface here haha

(by the way it’s a weirdly... meaningless yet intensely meaningful thing, the gifting of a symbol? of an idea? but he’s putting something very crucial of himself into her hands, is the subtext, and he expects her to understand, which she also does seem to do. at the beginning of the episode he’s proving that he’s seen something true about her -- “You’re such an unhappy girl”, knowing where she comes from, the way she’s mourning her lost confidence and autonomy with her abilities -- and here she’s proving she’s seen something true about him. :’) I wish this show had gone on long enough for this dynamic to progress, it’s really interesting and touching)

- gambit dragging himself up onto dry land seeing someone approaching (to help?!): :D

gambit seeing that it’s logan and the look on his face: D:

- rogue using her powers so confidently and fearlessly in this episode tho!!!!

- *me crying* and then her FAMBILY comes to take her home and he says he’s looking out for her too and kurt still loves her even though they’re having a conflict thing between them and she’s finally able to use her powers without so much fear again and --

- ...did I just watch some baby lesbian love at first sight shit right now???

- okay last two episodes let’s go

- HELL YEAH STORM (I love that she’s like ‘don’t give me a dumb order like that and I won’t have to disobey it’ too sdfjsaj) her voice has such command I’m usually very much not the ‘step on me’ type butttt

- y’know I feel like apocalypse’s main fault across all versions I’ve seen of him is that he’s like an immortal superpowered god king and he’s not even sexy. like at least make him hot if he’s going to be insufferable in every other way

- also callout post for apocalypse: one time he made gambit into the Horseman of Death... and didn’t even make him sexy!!! you were handed remy lebeau, supreme bi disaster slut of the x men universe, and you couldn’t even make his brainwashed superpowered evil side hot?? a beautiful stubbled twunk with glowing red eyes and extremely charming :> face practically delivers himself into your hands and you do that to him???? I mean I’m sure apocalypse did some other bad stuff too but that was the worst one

(comics are so dumb y’all)

- having to watch jean cry is emotional terrorism!! ;___; she has such older sister/mom energy, whenever she gets sad and helpless it hurts

- oh, OH so PROFESSOR X you’ll make into a hunk and ~*strategically*~ rip his clothes to show off a nipple and a flawless pec in a way that makes me extremely uncomfortable because he’s like The Dad??? apocalypse you are rotten to the core this is unforgivable

- so wait wanda never actually gets her real memories back. what the FuCk I hope that was a dropped storyline because they ended the show tragically prematurely rather than like. the plan

- why is spyke calling storm ‘storm’ show that’s his auntie o!! >:(

- as a society we need to acknowledge that apocalypse looks like a fucking clown

- ooooh yeah I have been thinking that this show’s greatest visual weakness so far has been not having a visual way to show telepathy/battles of the minds, but this is a pretty cool way to do it! better late than never

- I’m so happy rogue gets to end this herself, since she was forced into starting it against her will, it’s just nice and neat storytelling

- YEAH FUCKING TELL HER KURT AND ROGUE I AM SO PROUD OF YOU and she has the temerity to look pissed off oh my god

the only valid thing mystique has done in her entire life is be in love with destiny. literally everything else she gets up to is a travesty. like I know objectively she’s hot but my loathing for her stops me from even appreciating it. I do enjoy loathing her tho so please don’t change her haha

(a bit odd to have kurt’s attitude to her swing so much but I’m just going to assume he and rogue had a good long conversation after ‘cajun spice’ and that he understands what’s going on better now)

- this last part is such a cruel tease faskdfhsdaj ‘here are all the cool-ass things we had planned. sucks you never get to see it huh’ im devastated

- magneto without his helmet and playing charmingly with children like charles is going ‘well at least I saved my marriage finally’ fsadkhfjsd (honestly tho I would be super interested in seeing how they’d redeem this magneto because he’s been a real bitch the whole time lol)

there’s an interesting thing here where magneto looks down at wanda as the last thing he does on screen before this epilogue part (yeah I hope it fucking haunts you forever what you did to her erik you absolute piece of hot garbage) and the last thing charles does is look at jean b/c he knows what’s going to happen to her and it breaks his heart... Dramatic Parallells

- just the hint of jean as the phoenix has me in full D:D:D: mode tho maybe I wouldn’t have survived it

- gambit in the last groupshot with his arm around rogue ;^) I mean I’m sure they’re headed for some turns and roundabouts along the way but what’s that thing she says as her wedding vow, that she’ll always find her way back? anyway that got me in my heart

- man I really wish this show had been given more seasons, we were barely even getting warmed up here :’(

#x men evolution #x men #gambit #rogue x gambit #aaah this is like therapy for me... just dumping all my emotions into a tumblr post and then let them go into the ether #I am now wondering if I'm desperate enough to go all the way back to the x-men animated series (which I've never seen before!)#like am I willing to go there for more Contente. time will tell I suppose #happy tag #...this is very long #MAN why can't I channel this dumbass energy into fiction writing I'd get so much DONE

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krabmeat · 4 years ago

Text

𝚜𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚕𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜: Wilbur Soot

𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚜: he/him

𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: physical pain descriptions, paranoia, overdose, hospitalization, alarms, descriptions of hallucinations

𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎:

this is the 2nd part to my 7 part series of making all of the songs from YCGMA into short stories! this one is for saline solution, hope ya like it! :]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One, two, three and four

The seconds tick by on the clock in my workroom. The sound sensitive LED border of the clock lights up whenever I cough. I find it hard to breathe, the wheezes between breaths are loud, so I take a puff of my inhaler sitting on my desk next to my pc. It’s been difficult to walk lately, I’ve made a steady recovery but my legs sometimes feel like the pores are being replaced with lead- heavy and cold. Despite this though, I make my way over to my bedroom. My roommate isn’t home yet, despite how late it is. The walls of the hallway echo my footsteps, the pain I’m in not reflecting with the sounds. ‘I need to take my meds…’ My room, surprisingly not as messy as I thought. Clothes here and there, an undone bed, but overall everything is where it should be. My legs shuffle into the bathroom connected to my room, locating my paracetamol and prozac. Click, click!

I think this time I'm dying

I open the paracetamol with ease, it hypnotizes me. Quickly opening the prozac, my breath becomes jagged- confused. Water flows after the pills, hindering the struggle it would have been, but I feel the same. Panicked and afraid. What's wrong with me? Do I need more? Is there something else? I'm scared, pissed off and lonely- ‘I'm overthinking this.’ But am I? Nonetheless, nothings happening. My legs still feel like hell, and the cold invisible hand is pinching the skin behind my neck, but when I claw at it nothings there. My eyes distantly shift to the pill bottles on the counter. I can feel myself trying to look elsewhere, but my general focus is on the pills. I need more.

I'm not melodramatic

Just 1 more of each should do. Just to be safe. I'm just being safe!

I'm just pragmatic beyond any reasoning

Better safe than sorry, right? I take another drink of water and wait for the relief to set in, but it never does. My legs are aching even more and the fact that there's no effects is just making me panic more. What's wrong with me? Why isn't it setting in fast enough-?!

For thinking I've got f*cking rabies or something.

More. I need more. Maybe that's the problem, I'm just not taking a high enough dosage! I look down at each of the bottles, reading the label for the prescription. “Take 2 per day when symptoms arise. Contact your psychiatrist if a higher dosage is needed” ‘I know what I'm doing.’ There's something wrong with me, I can't bother contacting anyone. I need relief now. Out of impulse, I down both of the bottles and drink more water to allow the pills to travel with ease. Then, I just wait.

I think this time I'm dying

Pain shoots up from my stomach and sprouts to my head like a sapling. The room morphs and shifts and scrunches up like clay. Am I in a dream? I look down at my hands to pinch myself, shaking, blurry and full of vibrant colors.

I think this time I'm dying.

F*ck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think I've lost my mind.

The world morphs and moves without my eyes permission. My stomach hurts more than my legs do. The reflection in the mirror, a pale, sad and confused blur. The pain isn't going away, it's growing worse and worse. Pins and needles pricking and scraping along the inside of my abdomen, there's millions of them. Every deep breath I take is a dulled stab into my chest. Was the original concern as big as I've made it now?

Blurring the fact and the fictions

Everything is so unreal. Why did I do this again? Where am I? My memory becomes a flickering bulb, dying out from being strained of its power. My concept of time and object permanence is foggy, but that's how I know something is wrong. But what? Am I blowing things out of proportion or is this bigger than a prescription?

While simultaneously fixing myself up with a girl named panadol.

I looked down at the empty paracetamol bottle, I did the right thing- right? My intentions feel like they've been beaten and whipped with a fork, scrambled and confused with each other. But I did what I did, it still hurts though. A pang of regret stabs at my throat for a second, but the desire for relief overrides it.

Bite the tablet, elixir

The elixir! My hands swiftly open the cabinet again, desperate for elixir. I quickly find, it- half a bottle of elixir should do. As quickly as I found the bottle, I downed half of it and quickly drank more freezing cold water from the sink.

Disintegrate, mouths a mixer

That's 3 different types of pills. 3 different remedies! I'll be alright now, right? I should be, but I can't stand steadily anymore. My arms are violently shaking and my legs are about to drop. The sight is horrifying, everything is flickering from absolute darkness to furniture and walls melting like an ice cube. Am I blinking? I can't tell.

I think I've lost my mind

I can't handle this. Am I in mild pain or are things dire? I want the pain I had before, less overwhelming. I have no control anymore. The front door opening and closing shut was barely audible for my ears. “Wil? Sorry I came home so late, I had a client come further into the day.” My legs give in, and a loud THUMP rumbles through the house as I fall onto the tiled floor of the bathroom. I feel the satisfaction of my eyes rolling into my head as my eyelids stay confused on whether or not to close or to stick open to stay alert. “Wil?! Wilbur are you alright?!” Her footsteps rush to my room and into the bathroom to see my frail and hurt body on the ground with the pill bottles strewn on the counter.

I think I've lost my mind.

“WILBUR!!” She rushes to my side and drops to her knees. Her shout was so loud, it made me snap back into the present. After checking my pulse and checking if I'm still breathing, she frantically digs through her coat pocket and dials 999.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I could just break one more night

I can hear my roommate crying distantly after hanging up and putting away her phone. I don't understand...why do I need an ambulance? I was helping myself, wasn't I?

Maybe I could wake up and feel alright.

I could have gotten past on my own if she hadn't found me. I would have been just fine. I'm tired, just in general.

I optimistically set my alarm clock time

I had something to do today? I forgot. I can hear my alarm clock from my bedside table blaring at me, screaming at me to get up. There was a subtle jolt of excitement that shot up my neck, or was it anxiety? Fear? Adrenaline? Denial?

Serves only to mock me with flashing lights.

The sound seems to go on for longer, despite my roommate rushing to turn it off. Its turned off, but I can still hear the sound of it echoing through the room, bouncing into my ears. My hands raise to cover my ears, but the sound just gets louder and louder. I haven't gotten up yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think I've made my choice

Everything is jumping around slightly, the paramedics in the ambulance looming over me, reaching for tubes and clear pouches. I feel something warm on my right hand, my roommate is sitting there with my hand in hers while trying to keep herself together. “Don’t worry Wil, they're gonna fix you up and you'll be just fine...!” She says it like she’s trying to reassure herself more than me- she's more worried about me then I am for myself. One of the paramedics sitting next to her speak up with a clipboard in hand. “You said he overdosed?” “Yes, I came home from work and there was a loud thud from his bathroom. I ran over and he was barely conscious on the floor with pill bottles all around…”

I’m a deceased playing victim

I...I overdosed? How did I not notice? No no, there was something wrong with me, that's why I took so many! But...was I wrong? I was just scared! I didn’t know that this would happen, its not my fault!

Slip the face, slip the victory.

I can't run away from myself, I’m my own shadow. I was scared. I am scared. This is all my fault. I took the pills, no one forced me to. It was me who did this. But, I’m not too angry with myself. Despite my impulsive actions, I don't hate the situation I've thrown myself into.

I think I’ve made my choice

If I don't make it out of this, I won't be disappointed. If I do, then that's alright too. I dug myself into this, so don't I deserve to suffer the consequences?

Sit secluded in hatred

I’m such a bother to her, this is the second time she's had to deal with me like this. The hospital probably hates me, but I won't bother to apologize. I meant what I did both this and the last time I was sent there, they shouldn't be helping me. But I’m not suicidal, I insist.

Void the plans friends are making.

I shouldn't have set my alarm. I would have stayed asleep, made things less stressful. Why did I even set my alarm? Nothing special was happening today, I don't have plans with anyone and the only thing I was supposed to do today is work, and that's later in the day. Most of my friends don't even like me that much, they don't invite me to places or acknowledge me so can I even consider them friends? The only person who even tries to pay attention to me is…is…

I think I've found my voice

“I...I’m..-” My roommate quickly looks down at me when she hears me speak. Her eyes show it all, shocked and relieved. Her skin is still puffy and red around her eyes, but she doesn't bother to hide it. “Thank the lord your alright...what were you thinking?!” She speaks in a hushed tone, intending to not startle or overwhelm me more than I already am. She doesn't deserve this, my paranoia and issues aren't hers. “I’m...I’m sorry..” I hear my voice for the first time in a while, it's gravely and dry. She looks down at me and her features seem to have softened. “We're almost at the hospital, you're gonna be alright.”

I'm a leech sucking blood bags

I've been living off of her this entire time. My hardships were always nonexistent, weren't they? All of my tolls were never mine to begin with, her generosity is what she replaced it with. And this is what I'm giving her, more and more to deal with. But she doesn't have to, right? It's her choice, it's her fault. I'm not guilty.

Taste defeat, it's a sandbag

As soon as the vehicle stopped, I was urgently rolled out the back and rushed into a hospital room. I can hear the doctors and nurses arguing back and forth rapidly, one after the other.

Saline solution

I hear from the wad of voices. Hm, so they're desperate as well it seems… My mind decides not to bother with their procedures, instead I just leave it all to them. It won't be on my hands if they fail after all, right?

Saline solutions to all your

A set of doctors rush into my hospital room while a nurse rolls in a cart filled with who knows what for me. IV tubes are hooked up to a hanging pouch and attached to my arms.

Saline solution to all your

My eyes are squinted from the obnoxiously bright lights scattered in the hospital, the white walls making me develop more of a headache. My head flops to the left, seeing my roommate outside the window in the hallway. She's pacing around frantically with her phone up to her ear. I then turn my head to the right to see a slightly foggy pouch of saline hanging above me, the IV tubes connecting the liquid to my internal damage.

Saline solution to all your…

One of the doctors helps me drink a small amount of the saline solution and then hands me a small trash can. My stomach is crying and screaming in pain and mercy. Tears prick the corners of my eyes from the guttural pain, but it'll be out of my system soon.

Problems.

#wilbur soot #ycgma #saline solution #angst #series #writing #wilbur soot fic #wilbur soot fanfiction #wilbur soot fanfic #mcyt fic #mcyt fanfic #mcyt fanfiction #dsmp fic #dsmp fanfic #dsmp fanfiction

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just-a-random-duckin-book-nerd · 4 years ago

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Opinion on ACOTAR's Azriel

WARNING WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS

As stated in my previous post, this will be my opinion on what I believe should happen to AZ if he ever gets a book mainly focusing on the relationship side since so many people think he should be paired with someone. So in this post, I will remove all personal feelings I have on the series and characters, so this can be unbiased. In a later post, I will discuss my thoughts on the books.

Now that that is over, here is a recap of the last post before I go into what I am going to add for those who haven’t been able to see my other post:

Ok, ok, I know this will probably be an unpopular opinion, but...

I think if a book is made about Azriel, it shouldn't be about him magically finding his "mate" or there being the main love interest for him, or honestly him being with anyone at all. He deserves all the happiness; I agree that only leads me to encourage me more, hear me out...

· Azriel has gone through a lot of suffering emotionally, physically, and mentally (outside of emotional). As a result, it would be harder for him to express who he is, let alone try to open up to someone"new" that he would surprisingly learn is his mate.

· If he was to get a book, I think it should focus on how he went through his difficulties and what he does in the shadows outside of the knowledge already shared of his job. We already know he plays a large part in what goes on in the background of the Night Court, so it should be foremost in what he has seen, which no one shall know.

· Another point is maybe if SJM wants to introduce a love interest, it is done not through a sudden crush but slow-building of perhaps the love interest being caused through a mission which he ends up being forced to get closer without want and reluctantly develops feelings.

· Also, like Nesta, along with implied multiple times in the story, he releases his emotions through one-night stands, and we readers just need to accept he isn't a relationship man but not wanting a long-term thing. He has always been represented as closed off, along with never being implied as someone who actively wants a commitment yet to be left to his own, so maybe it should be shown as so.

Now, I want to add evidence to support what I am trying to communicate with everyone.

In the books A Court of Mist and Fury, A Court of Wings and Ruin, A Court of Frost and Starlight, and A Court of Silver Flames, they slowly pull information about what Azriel had to deal with what his job was in the stories. Unfortunately, as the books progress mainly in ACOWAR and ACOSF, people started to try and ship him with many people, not considering what he has gone through with his past, which would only lead to issues if a relationship were to develop at some point in the series.

That is where I will be starting, about how if he does get a book, what should happen with his past, then we will go through how his “relationships” should proceed throughout the series.

In ACOMAF, the author SJM introduces him as part of the inner circle, consisting of Mor, Amren, and Cassian. He is the spy of the Night Court who is constantly working with the shadows to gather information for the High Lord Rhysand. Even when Feyre first met him, she was off-put about how he acted with the shadows. “With approval as the shadows seemed to wrap tighter around him. As if he were the dark have from which they flew from.” This only shows more into the beginning of how powerful he could probably be, like foretelling, which is introduced more and more throughout the series.

Azriel is very quiet and keeps to himself most of the time, even to those he loves and cares about profoundly, unless something has him become protective. For example, in the meeting in ACOWAR, he jumps to attack Eris because he insulted Mor. Another example was when Feyre was being offended by Tamlin, he said, “Be careful how you speak about my high lady.” This line shows that even when he is quiet, he contains anger that has not been explained about how far it runs. He is considered a very mysterious character when described throughout the story because none of his past has entirely been told mainly. After all, no one knows what happened to him.

Taking this information into careful consideration implies more going on behind the scenes with him and his powers of controlling the shadows, which have not been introduced. The information provided through the stories about him being a captive song with abused for a while also gives insight into how much pent-up anger and emotion he carries with him that could affect him dearly, leading him to possibly do things behind the Lord’s back even as friends. The latest book states that he has been dealing with a lot to the point Rhys gave some work to Cassian. What was the work, though? What work was so much that it forced Rhysand to split the trade with Cassian?

Going into the idea of his book, if it was to be created, it should bring in the information about what he has gone through and what he has to do as a shadowslinger. It should also include information on his job as a spy because honestly, does anyone know? If he gets a book it should be about his career and how his past has affected the way he is. So many aren’t focusing on the fact he has gone through many difficult times, always forced into positions where he has risked everything because many people only focus on how he acts with the others or how the others interact, not him. Because of all the emotions most likely pent up and the distraction of constantly running around, it has probably only affected him more.

Now finally going into relationship side. Many people are shipping Az with Gwen or Elain and even arguing over it, which is ridiculous because first off, let everyone have their ships stick to your own belief don’t belittle others. Back to the point, when shipping him with all these people, no one realizes there is no solid development of the two characters of the chosen ship together in any book. Even if nothing leads Azriel to be emotionally available for him, even to realizes he can get in a proper relationship.

If he were to be in a relationship, he would need to be able to sort out his emotions more, being able to be at least able to open up slightly to heal instead of hiding from his mind, which he has been doing, or at least what has been implied of him doing. When in a relationship, someone must openly communicate and stick to the other if something happens. With his past crush, Mor (who still hasn’t shown if he is completely over her), he never showed much emotion or opened up much with his claim to love her. If SJM established anything in the book, it shouldn’t be a relationship but just him having one-night stands that honestly shouldn’t be needed if it is written well enough.

Another reason why he shouldn’t have a mate because mates are considered rare in that world, meaning if he has a mate, how would that be rare considering that he would be the 4th person in that group to have a mate that randomly appears. It wouldn’t make sense.

All in all, I think Az shouldn’t end with someone, and the book should main on him growing mentally, so he becomes stronger. Please ask any questions; if you think otherwise, please I’d love to hear it, I’m always open to listening to others’ opinions on matters considering them.

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acephysicskarkat · 4 years ago

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Redemption, Forgiveness and She-Ra S5

So just to spite the anon who told me to stop posting my opinions, I’m gonna post another opinion!

This will contain spoilers for SPOP, Avatar: the Last Airbender, The Good Place, and Steven Universe.

So the most common take that I’ve heard about S5 from Catra stans is that it’s a story about redemption and forgiveness and that if I’m in any way critical of it then I’m saying abusers can never redeem themselves.

To which I say: the second part is a strawman argument, and the first part doesn’t help because it’s a bad story about redemption and forgiveness.

Part 1: Redemption

The problem with S5′s stories about redemption is that they are, universally, undercooked. For things that the fanbase had been wanting for months, they’re surprisingly lacking in meaningful impact.

Catra’s is the least bad, because Catra is at least on-screen long enough to tell us that it seems to be sticking, but it’s still not good. It’s rushed, it’s weightless, and it feels like they didn’t even check what she’d done in the past three seasons that she would need to find redemption for.

At no point does she meaningfully confront her actions (which, in case you’ve forgotten, ranged from bringing about the death of Queen Angella (S3E6), to repeated attempts to murder or permanently harm Adora (S1E11, S1E13, S2E5, S3E4-6, S4E3), to bullying Scorpia (present throughout but most obvious in S4E6), to taking part in a war crime (S4E8)), nor does she really confront the jealousy and spite that drove them. Indeed, the episodes that could have been spent showing us her character development are spent showing us that she still has a very unhealthy attitude towards Adora (S5E6) and telling us that she underwent her character development offscreen, while we were distracted by Double Trouble (S5E8).

Hordak’s is even worse, because Catra at least admits she wronged people, even if the focus is put almost entirely on Catra feeling bad about it. Hordak realises, accurately, that being made into a cog in a machine of conquest is bad (S5E13)...but he never makes the leap onscreen to it still being bad when he did it to other people, as he did to Adora and the other Horde kids (S2E7). It treats Hordak’s decision to break free of Horde Prime as if it in and of itself makes him good, overlooking that the life he’s trying to go back to was the one where he ruled over an empire of stolen children.

I don’t even want to get into Shadow Weaver.

AtLA gave a compelling redemption arc to Zuko by having him confront the consequences of his actions. SU gave a compelling redemption arc to Peridot by showing us, in great detail, her evolution from antagonist to ally. SPOP just kinda tells us that characters are good now and expects that to work out okay.

And the really depressing thing is that both these characters actually could have sustained really compelling redemption arcs! I would have loved to see Hordak meaningfully realise onscreen that the universe does not consist of him, Horde Prime, Imp, Entrapta, and a bunch of largely interchangeable pawns for him to treat as he sees fit. I would have loved to see Catra wrestle with and overcome her resentment of Adora, maybe come to understand that being Shadow Weaver’s favourite fucking sucked actually. The show just didn’t bother, and so what we got was on par with a bad fanfic or the backstory for a D&D character.

Part 2: Forgiveness

For my money, one of the best stories about forgiveness in modern media is in a third season episode of The Good Place called “A Fractured Inheritance”.

Explaining it with as few spoilers as possible, protagonist Eleanor Shellstrop discovers that her cartoonishly neglectful mother Donna faked her death and seems to have built a new life where she’s a good stepmother to a child. Eleanor spends most of the episode convinced that her mother is running a scam, but eventually concludes that this does appear to be sticking and gives up her plan to reveal Donna’s secret, cautioning her not to go back to how she used to be. At the end, she opens up to a friend about the trauma she sustained as a result of her upbringing.

SPOP could never.

"A Fractured Inheritance” tells a more compelling story about forgiveness in 15 minutes of screentime than she-Ra S5 managed in four and a half hours because The Good Place cares about Eleanor’s trauma. It’s portrayed as pretty understandable that she has a grudge against her mother, and working through that takes time and sustained proof that Donna has changed. More than that, forgiveness isn’t portrayed as a magical button that instantly solves Eleanor’s issues; just because she’s letting go of her anger towards Donna doesn’t mean that the harm she suffered as a result of Donna’s neglect goes away. Her fear of opening up or being vulnerable, stemming from a childhood of constantly being shat on when she did, is still there, even after reconciling with her mother.

Contrast this to She-Ra S5. The second Catra says she’s sorry, Adora is willing to forgive her and go across the universe to help her (S5E3), even though in their last interaction, back in S4E3, Adora actively tried to kill her for pretty darn compelling reasons (you may remember those reasons from S3E4-6). Adora gets, like, a brief rant in S5E4 where she seems to be confused about this, but there’s never a point where she meaningfully seems to process the trauma she’s suffered as a result of Catra’s treatment of her, which we know has been toxic, controlling and unhealthy since they were kids (S5E3).

More than that, there’s never really a point where any of the people Catra victimised in the first four seasons gets to deal with that. Glimmer seemingly never realises that Catra is why her mother is dead (S3E6), which is especially jarring given that the effects of Angella’s death on Glimmer drove the entire previous season; Entrapta barely remembers that Catra betrayed her and sent her to her presumed death (S5E6); Bow thinks someone who’s done nothing but attempt to hurt his friends for as long as he’s known her is adorable (S5E8); Scorpia forgives her before she even finishes saying sorry (S5E13); and both Frosta decking her in S5E9 and Perfuma’s understandable irritation with the woman who bullied her GF in S5E10 are portrayed almost as jokes, the latter never escalating beyond mild rudeness.

This also extends to Hordak, who, after his tissue-thin face turn in S5E13, gets a baffling montage that tries to portray his picking up an abandoned child and indifferently turning her over to an abusive sorceress (S2E7) as somehow heartwarming and a big bonding moment, and then the notion that Mermista might have some grudges against the guy who burned down her home and displaced her people (S5E7-8) is framed as comic.

I’m not even saying that neither of these characters should never be forgiven by anyone! Just that the forgiveness they get in the show is lacking in dramatic weight, because the actions that are being forgiven don’t feel like they mean anything. Catra has hurt Adora, Glimmer, Entrapta, Scorpia, Mermista and countless unnamed innocents, and it’s all treated like it has the same impact as borrowing Adora’s Xena DVDs and forgetting to give them back. Hordak should be considered Etheria’s greatest monster given the number of people who’ve died as a result of his actions and maybe one person is slightly irritated at the prospect of having to send him a Christmas card this year.

(This is without getting into the fact that Glimmer and Entrapta are expected to deal with the consequences of their actions to some degree, with each getting an episode focused around that (S2E2, S2E4). It’s kind of wild that Glimmer nearly destroying the world because she took a reckless risk in a desperate gamble to try and save the people she cares about from the Horde blitzkrieg, a gambit that she immediately tried to fix when she realised she’d fucked up (S4E10-13) is treated as something that causes a notable rift in her friendships, but Catra nearly destroying the world because she was just that jealous of Adora (S3E3-6) is breezed past with an “I’m sorry.” Entrapta building the robots causes the Alliance to hold grudges; Hordak waging 25 years of warfare is [shrug] Just Horde Clone Things.)

3. Salvaging These Plot Points

Now, as I implied above, the notion that I think these characters are irredeemable is a bullshit strawman, a thought-terminating cliche that Catra stans use to dismiss criticism without processing with it. So how would I go about it?

Catra

I would start by having Catra and Glimmer be in the same escape. Having her attempt to sacrifice herself in S5E3 had some weird thematic issues given her previously established self-destructive streak (S2E5, most of S3). If we have to keep the bad plot point where Adora recovers the friend who loves and cares for her and immediately goes “well, we gotta leave our friends back home to deal with a colonial invasion while we charge across the universe to save my abusive stalker ex who’s never respected my personhood or autonomy”, I’d probably look at the two biggest missed opportunities in the season: S5E6 and S5E8.

S5E6 is terrible, and should just be expunged mercilessly with fire for its baffling endorsement of the sentiment “yes i abused u but now u hate me so i’m the victim really”. Its replacement should probably be focused around Adora genuinely processing the harm she’s sustained as a result of Catra’s treatment of her, probably deciding at the end that she’ll accept Catra’s help but is still understandably suspicious of her given the established mistrust (S1E8) and hostility (S4E3).

S5E8 is easy to fix, though; instead of it mostly being the characters bumbling around a haunted house, I’d make the setting actually do stuff for the characters’ arcs. We already know that First One ruins can bring up memories, so I’d turn it into a reversal of S1E11 where Adora and Catra’s friendship can actually be rebuilt, probably culminating in Catra saving Adora from falling off a cliff as a symbolic rejection of the resentment she would have been struggling with throughout the episode. This is probably where Adora starts to actually believe that Catra has become a better person.

Basically, the goal here is to show the audience that Catra is working to overcome her issues and become a better person, instead of telling us that it happened offscreen.

Hordak

The problem with Hordak’s face turn is that at no point in the show, including after we’re supposed to treat him as Good Now, does he seem to give a shit about anyone not on a list that contains maybe 4-5 names. I’d probably put in some scenes earlier where his experiences seem to be actually changing him for the better: maybe his response to Entrapta asking him to spare Catra isn’t to commute her sentence to a suicide mission, or he feels a sudden sympathy with a captive Etherian after the fall of Salineas, as the shared feelings of loss line up, and orders their release. Basically, the idea is to put in some groundwork so that it actually feels like he might be safe to have around, instead of him betraying his tyrannical overlord because he misses his life where he was, himself, a tyrannical overlord.

I also would not play the idea that people might be a little bit suspicious of a man with a 25-year history of ruthless oppression, colonial violence and unprovoked warmongering as a joke. Just one of those personal quirks.

4. Summary

In conclusion:

S5 is a bad story about redemption because it doesn’t give the characters being redeemed engaging or compelling redemption arcs, favouring a blind rush to the ending, and it’s a bad story about forgiveness because it treats the actions that are being forgiven as though they don’t mean anything, even when episodes or entire seasons have been built on the effects of those actions. It’s not that these ideas are bad in general, that these characters axiomatically couldn’t be redeemed or that forgiveness is problematic; it’s just that the execution is bad.

Anyway, thanks, jackass anon, for inspiring me to set down my thoughts in detail like this!

#s5 salt #spop spoilers #writing thoughts #redemption arcs #forgiveness

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cheseyre · 4 years ago

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good news, sluts! my brain's no longer being completely stupid (only mostly), i've seen the new asides and...have some thought-y thot thoughts:

*deep inhale*

Okay, first things first: this art style is soooo fucking cUTE and I'm a jealous, squealing bitch. Anyone who knows who the artist is, could you link me to them, stat? I think Thomas mentioned them at the beginning of the ep, but nYeh, brain hurt, doesn't wanna do wooork-

Okay, I'll admit, I was a little...apprehensive when I first saw the thumbnail and title. Part of it's just me being a bitter Remus Stan, but also...okay, deep breaths, controversial opinion time, get ready:

I don't ship Prinxiety.

Like, at all.

I can see the appeal, and these dorks were so very, VERY cute in this particular ep, but I was honestly turned off by the ship long ago due to how overwhelmingly popular it is and how some fans characterize these two and treat this relationship as if it's the only valid one, y'know, the works—slight tangent, but that's also why I don't ship Logicality or Remile. I honestly vibe much better with ships like Roceit or Analogical, y'know?

Cutting in for another brief tangent: I'm surprisingly okay with Demus/Dukeceit/Receit/Trashnoodle/Whatever-Their-Ship-Name-Is-Oh-God-Why-Do-They-Have-So-Many-Fucking-Names; maybe it's cause they haven't actually interacted in canon and the fan content gives me such good Gay Disney Villain content, idk man im weird—).

Still, their interactions were both hilarious and sweet and like I said, I see the appeal, it's just not my cup of tea. y'all Prinxiety fans got fucking FED and I'm happy for you nerds. Enjoy ze happy boys!

I guess another factor in my...low-key hesitance when I first saw what the ep was about is that...okay, get ready, another controversial opinion, le gasp: well, I'm not a big Virgil fan. In fact, at times, he swaps places with Patton as my least favorite sides—especially with some of his recent behavior in eps like DWIT (the "prohibit your breathing comment" really triggered me, for example). Sometimes, his attitude, especially around other sides like Roman or Janus, reminds me a little too much of my sister, who I don't have...a very good relationship with. Add to that how the more...intense side of the fandom has a disturbing tendency to turn him into the 'uwu precious woobie emo baby who can do no wrong' while unnecessarily villainizing other CERTAIN sides in the process, and...I think you all see where I'm going with this little rant 😅

However, upon actually watching the ep, he wasn't...that bad? I don't think? I enjoyed watching him be a flustered, disaster-y mess and genuinely excited at the end, his interactions with Roman were nice enough, and him literally pushing Thomas to make a move with Nico despite his obvious panic attack was a nice moment of genuine character development. I like seeing that, that's the good shit right there. And him being all flustered and shit, and smiling so much at the end of the vid was just...well, adorable. This man has no fucking right to be this cute, my god

alsoooo

pURPLE EYESHADOW

PURPLE EYESHADOW HE LOOKS?? SO GOOD?? WTF?? SLAY EMO, SLAAAAAAAY FUCK, DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO CHANGE MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME NOW?

alsoooo

hAPPY ROMAN

YESSSSS~ MAH BOI MAH SON MAH DUMB BITCH HIMBO PRINCE MAH EXTRA MESSY CINNAMON ROLL

ITS BEEN SO LONG

AND HIS LITTLE HEART EYES THROUGHOUT THE VID, OH MY GOD-

IMMA JUST IGNORE THAT "ADDING [MISTAKE] TO THE LIST" COMMENT I AM LOOKING AWAY I DO NOT SEE IT LALALALALA

THOMATHY, SIR, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING THESE TWO GAY IDIOTS SO BAEBY

Okay, but Virgil not realizing that "cyberstalking in real life" is literally just stalking is both a big ass mood and further proof that, yes, Logan is indeed the only one holding the braincell out of this disaster of a lot. God help them all if he ducks out in the next ep.

👀

And Thomas x Trash Can is my new OTP. I dub thee ✨ "Trashmas" ✨

we sTAN TRASHMAS

Wait, does that mean Remus actually WAS in the ep? Cause, y'know, trash man?

hmmm

👀 👀

Okay, okay.

With how much Virgil and Roman were going off about Thomas constantly lying, I was (understandably) a tad bit disappointed my snek son didn't even make a fucking cameo, but y'know what? In hindsight, I'm okay with this it's fineee~

He was just off playing with shadow puppets and stealing money from us desperate, content-starved peasants with his sheer extra-ness and, honestly? Gotta respect the hustle.

Get that precious, precious coin, dapper snake! Wring us poor losers dryyyy!

*evil snek laugh*

Also, this is a breather ep and adding Janus in probably would've caused unnecessary drama with the Roceit breakup and the constant antagonism between Virgil and him. It probably would've distracted from the point of the ep (flirting with social anxiety, exactly what it says in the tin)—much like it wasn't really Virgil or Remus's place to show up during POF. Does that make sense? I think it makes sense. Sorry, brain going brr-

Still, I can't believe the "Fuck Janus Sanders" Club is actually canon now 😂

God, first Patton in a skirt and now this.

Thomas Sanders, you delight in fucking feEDING this gremlin nest of a fanbase, don’t you? You RELISH our screams of joy and pain and suffering, dON’T YOU?

What's next, actual canonical Janus and Remus interaction? Patton saying the fuck word? The Dragon Witch comes back? Janus's bowler hat gains sentience and takes over the world, Doris-style? What do you have planned, Thomas? Joan? WHAT ART THOU PLANNING, I MUST KNOW YOU HEATHENS YOU FIENDS-

And Virgil's little "would it be fair to him" comment, tho.

👀

Like, I get in the context of the ep, he was likely talking about Nico and how it wouldn’t be good for a potential relationship with Tomas to be founded on lies, but still...my anxceit heart aches, man.

Gimme that sweet, sweet angst with a side of mutual regret and possible future reconciliation and maybe something more wink wink nudge nudge on top, pls

...and fries.

Honestly, tho, that entire bathroom monologue was fucking beautiful, man. And relatable, too—i can't tell you how many times I've talked to myself in public restrooms because I just didn't know how to get the words I wanted to say out. It's...kind of embarrassing, tbh

Speaking of embarrassing, uh, crying stall guy.

Just...

Crying Stall Guy

Like, I was expecting someone to come out the bathroom stall after Thomas stopped talking, but...I honestly wasn't expecting that. God, that whole scene was so cringe worthy and fucking hilarious

Honestly, Thomas in the ep in general was a huge ass mOOD and we collective gay/bi disasters ALL related with him, and if you say you don't, you're either lying to yourself or a demon.

There is no in between

sorry I don't make the rules

Like, I get this series is literally a gay disaster talking to himself for thirty minutes or longer, but like- EMPHASIS on the 'disaster' part 😂

Like...Thomas, you're lucky you're such a goddamn bean, because GOD, I cringing so hard when he first started talking to Nico

Although, I too have apologized profusely for genuine mistakes and am a flustered bi mess around my crush sooo

😅

And god, Roman's "thirty = old man" jokes made me feel old...and I literally just turned twenty, like, come on, man!

Maybe that's because I was literally watching this ep after finishing my ACT and had been sitting with a bunch of high schoolers, with their tiny fucking desks and tiny fucking water fountains smeh

*clears throat*

Anyways, uh, we STAN Nico Pintrovert Florés in this house

He gives me such big Carlos from WTNV vibes for some reason and this makes me sooo happy

and YESS, he's a WRITER

And he's??? So sweet?? A pure bean?? Just sits on his laptop at the mall food court all day, like a god-fucking iCON?? A Nightmare Before Christmas fan?? weARS GLASSES??

my hEART

*cries*

The fandom seems torn between "Nicomas" and "Karrot Kings" as a ship name atm—personally speaking, I'm casting my vote for the latter

*crosses fingers* please dont be another janus x remus multiple ship name issue guys, please please please I can't keep track of them all-

*clears throat*

On that note, I'm guess I'm gonna go try and whoo over my crush with carrots now. If THIS disaster can do it and make it actually fucking work, god damnit, so cAN I

Meanwhile, in hell, my brain's just screaming "CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST-"

God, I hope Nico isn't just a one-shot character, he's too pure and Thomas and him are adorable gay Disney fans and I stan

Oh, I wonder how the other sides'll react to him.

Wait.

Oh god.

This ep just unleashed a new fresh hell of potential Nico x Sides ships, hasn't it?

Welp, time to prepare for ze incoming flood of fanfics, I guess. I'll get my umbrella and rain boots.

That last shot of Virgil during the endcard was so fucking ominous oh my god mom im scared can you come pick me up-

Goddammit, Thomas and Joan, I'm NOT fucking ready to be traumatized again, fUCK

I wish I wasn't a broke ass university student so I could contribute to Thomas's gloriously extra Patreon—both so I can support my favorite content creators who make this amazing blessed content and also, to join my boi Janus in fucking destroying society by giving money to the people who actually deserve it, fuck YOU GOVERNMENT-

Okay.

New headcanon time as to why Patton, Remus, and Logan weren't in the ep: they were helping Jan film that Patreon promotional video.

Remus directed it, Logan helped with the lighting and script, and Patton was just there as the cheerleader.

The reason Janus made a dog with shadow puppets wasn't just to flaunt his deity status and prove how he is truly above us mere wretched mortals

despite that being the absolute truth and we all know it, don't lie to yourselves

No, it was really him trying to do something cute and silly for Patton, because Moceit rights, daMMIT

*inhales*

noww

guys, gals, and nonbinary pals

it’s time forr

the most wonderful time of the yearrr

WAITING FOR THE NEXT EPISODE

Step right up, folks! Hear ye, hear ye, my prediction for the next episode: Prinxiety v. Moceit! With special guest stars: Karrot Kings vibing in adorable gay and Intrulogical, bitter at being excluded aGAIN

Who will win? Who will lose?

here’s a hint: we all will because in this sick twisted game they are no winners only losers-

Place your bets, folks! ✨

Haha im not readyyy~

tl;dr

this episode has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and ended my suffering—an adorable calm before the... angsty fucking shitstorm that’s coming far too soon. Prinxiety stans, enjoy your food. Place an 'F' in the chat for me and my fellow grieving Remus stans. Trashmas is the true OTP, but Karrot Kings is cute too I guess. I've only had Nico Florés for 24 minutes, but if anything happens to him, I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself. Purple eyeshadow Virgil makes me question my sexuality aGAIN, and happy gay disney prince rights y'all. Say a big ole 'fuck you' to capitalism by giving your local dapper snake moneys. Concussion makes brain go brr and imma go buy some carrots and be gay now.

psst hey @quarantinevibes2020 you wanna join me in being disaster-y? i’ll bring my best gay stare and you bring the wine

Until next time, my lovelies! ~ Ches 🖤

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notthatiwilleverwriteit · 5 years ago

Text

I don’t usually give these kinds of deeper analyses on the chapters because people who are way better at deciphering how I feel but just can’t put into words usually beat me to it (@casually-inlove and @call-me-ala to name a couple). Writing analyses can also be exhausting, and I tip my hat to those people who take the time and energy to answer all the asks and whatnot. But ch 297 just wouldn’t let my brain rest, so I decided to gird my loins and give you my thoughts.

Yesterday I answered an ask by @i-got-these-words about what was my favorite 19 Days quote, and even though I will stick to my answer, a very strong contender might have come to challenge my original pick. What He Tian said about Mo Guan Shan - and essentially about himself - just keeps on giving the deeper I dig into between the lines. It felt like HT and Tianshan have somewhat come a full circle.

“I chose you because there’s something I admire about you.”

What a nice callback to ch 138 and the origin of Tianshan in general:

HT “picking” MGS is an interesting aspect of their relationship. After the fight with ZZX, MGS’s palpable disdain of HT is surprisingly enough met with HT saying he admires MGS for that exact reason. Imagine finding someone respectable because they look down on your character. And not only that, you choose to pursue that person. I think that says a lot about HT’s struggle to distance himself from his “destiny” and the heritage of his family.

For that, we have to go even further back, all the way to when we just started to see other sides to HT. Why HT is living by himself in his uncle’s empty apartment isn’t fully clear to us. He said it’s more convenient because of school but judging by how tense his relationship with his father is, I bet there’s more to the housing situation. My headcanon is he’s living alone as a truce to ease the atmosphere at home. I also suspect He Cheng had something to do with it. Maybe it had gotten so bad he suggested HT lived by himself and used the school as an excuse to persuade their father.

Be that as it may, the obvious bottom line is, HT doesn’t agree with his father and the world his family is involved with. He’s been raised according to certain principles, but the older he grew the more they sickened him and the more stubbornly he wanted to defy them.

Before HT got involved with the fight between MGS and ZZX, he seemed to be somewhat of a lone wolf. Sure, he had his horde of fangirls but no one knew the real him. This, I think, is especially apparent in ch 115:

It’s as if he’s living a double life. His destined place in the world is in the shadows. The shady underworld he despises so much. But at the same time, the shadows seem to serve as a refuge of sorts. It’s a familiar place. From there he can observe people, deep in thought, and be himself. Out in the open, we rarely see him that serious but rather he often plasters a fake, outgoing smile that doesn’t scare off his classmates.

He doesn’t seem to have any real friends. JY and ZZX appear to be more of acquaintances, maybe something more, but they don’t know much about HT either. The way HT is with JY and ZZX makes me feel like he’s “above” them. He knows more about the world and life in general, he’s not a teenage boy they are despite often acting like they do. The difference becomes clear when JY bumps into MGS and HT steps in to effectively put an end to it. He has the confidence to take on delinquents without hesitation, even openly look down on them.

But he’s not doing that just out of the goodness of his heart. It’s true he wants to help his friend but he’s also on a mission to become something better than his father and brother. He Cheng told him to grow strong, but HT wants to use his strength for good instead to exploit and submit others. The more he will not become like his brother the better he will feel about himself and like he’s not a part of that shady world. His goal is both admirable and selfish.

MGS becomes a project of sorts for HT. Someone for whom he can be the hero he so desperately wants to. But also a living, breathing beacon of light to remind him to not give in to the darkness and use his strength for good. And no one is allowed to corrupt or snuff it out.

But that kind of relationship is quite one-sided. To be a hero and constantly strive to better oneself is exhausting, and in time, HT’s armor appears to have more and more cracks for MGS to see. He can’t just power through of it all by himself and see MGS, who is a person with his own will, that passively. Without necessarily even realizing it, MGS is forcing HT to admit certain things to himself and acknowledge them.

“You are not fake or sneaky, and you don’t cheat.”

For this analysis, I’ve used the translation by @yaoi-blcd and it seems they’ve used the word “fake”. I’ve seen a couple of others which had translated it as “hypocritical” (I don’t speak Mandarin, so I can’t say which is more accurate). I suppose there isn’t a big difference between the two but I find “hypocritical” quite interesting.

It reminds me of She Li in ch 294:

SL isn’t wrong in saying that HT and MGS are from different worlds. Or rather, they’re from the opposite sides of the same world; the villains and the victims. MGS’s family has suffered greatly by the hands of people like HT’s family. The connections between those two families aren’t clear but I don’t believe it’s far fetched to think MGS’s father might have been mixed with some shady people. For example, maybe he had had to borrow money from them and then had trouble paying back. And it’s from this injustice and the hardships that followed that MGS’s disdain of HT and people like him ultimately stems.

SL obviously doesn’t recognize HT’s efforts to befriend MGS because he doesn’t believe in that kind of approach (but that’s a whole other story). So, to take out his frustration on something, he goes with the truth even HT can’t deny and reminds HT of his “destiny” and place in the world.

HT might see himself as a hypocrite for trying to play a hero for MGS when he’s in fact meant to be the villain. Does he have the right put himself into the victims’ lives when his side of the world is the problem? This becomes even more of an issue if HT’s family was directly involved with what happened to MGS’s father.

Either way, words like “fake, “sneaky”, and “cheat” yet again speak loudly about the kind of world HT lives in and the kind of people he’s surrounded by. The opposite of those words is what he admires in MGS but is he also admitting those words describe him? Does he already see himself in them?

Which leads me to “You aren’t afraid ‘darkness’.“

This was probably my favorite part of the quote. Obviously, HT isn’t just talking about plain darkness although it’s another nice callback to HT being afraid of the dark.

One of the many things I love about Tianshan is that the power dynamic is actually more balanced than meets the eye. HT might be physically stronger and often push MGS’s buttons but MGS is in no way weak. HT can be quite forceful in his affections, so he needs to be paired up with someone who can push back and hold his own. In MGS’s case, all of that comes down to his pride and not wanting to depend on anyone (which is also mentioned in some of the translations instead of “cheating”).

“Darkness” can refer to the violent criminal world in which HT grew up. Interestingly enough it’s the common denominator in both of their lives. They might be from different sides of the darkness, but it’s still the same darkness they’re both familiar with. And MGS won’t back down when it comes to holding his ground, so he’s tough enough to survive in that darkness.

Also, HT needs someone strong enough to handle him at his worst. The latest case in point, ch 295:

It took me a while see behind that behavior. My initial reaction was to be disappointed because I thought we had gotten past HT being like this already. I didn’t like the way he barked orders and was physical without the usual mischevious undertone. Then I realized that despite being mature for his age, HT isn’t really good at using words. Instead, he often chooses action. It was obvious SL’s threat had upset and unsettled him. And it made him even more uneasy when MGS seemed oblivious to the danger. But he wasn’t being forceful and possessive but in need of reassurance.

He literally went from “bad mood” to promising to kill anyone who gives MGS trouble before we finally got to the root of the problem: he’s worried about losing MGS.

Now, he can’t be that way with the girls or his classmates. With them, he couldn’t act out every time he’s upset about something. Ideally, he will grow out of it or at least work on it, but in the meantime, he needs someone who can handle him at his worst.

It’s also obvious HT carries a lot of darkness in a form of trauma, as in his inner darkness. MGS isn’t a stranger to that either given that he’s also been through traumatic experiences at a young age. HT’s nightmares might scare him but he didn’t run away. Instead, he offered what clumsy comfort he could. This is connected to my earlier point of HT not just seeing MGS as someone who needs protection but also as someone he can rely on when it becomes too much. In the process, HT is “forced” to deal with his problems when he can show them to someone.

As an interesting side note, HT is kind of looking down when he talks about the “darkness”. Is he ashamed of being afraid of the “dark”? It’s a weakness, and I’m sure something that wouldn’t be accepted by his father.

“Don’t abandon me.”

HT finally ends his confession of sorts with the kind of plea we’ve never heard out of his mouth. It’s his greatest fear that’s always been in the background and the motivation to his actions but something he’s never said out loud. Not to mention while openly facing MGS like that.

Obviously, that line is heartbreakingly sad in and of itself but take a moment to really think about it. Imagine if the worst happened and MGS wasn’t in HT’s life for some reason anymore. What would he have left at that point? To go back to lurking in the shadows and fake smiling through his days? His goal of a better person would become that much abstract again, and he’d lose the one thing that grounds him in this side of the darkness.

It’s a very thin thread for HT to cling onto. I think @mestizo-efp had a good point in their answer about HT looking defeated. He’s used to being ready for anything and everything and is also asking for MGS to keep his guard up. In that light, HT’s plea is almost unfair. Anything could happen, and realistically speaking neither HT nor MGS could do anything about most of those scenarios.

Also, given HT’s somewhat difficult personality and shortcomings, it can also be read as a plea for MGS to put up with him. As in “I know I can be an ass but don’t give up on me”. It’s the fear of MGS losing hope in HT which could be even a worse punch than losing MGS some other way.

So, yeah. This might, in fact, be my new favorite quote.

#19 days #He Tian #mo guan shan #tianshan #my 19 days post #loooong post #sorry about that #took me hours to put this together #jc #i'm spent

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bytheangell · 4 years ago

Text

I Only See Daylight

Fluffotber Day 3: Sunlight (Read on AO3) When Raphael first became human again, one of the things he was most concerned with was that all of the friends and acquaintances he had in his life - all of which were part of the Shadow World and had been for decades - would find him boring.

Some of them did, but not all of them. Not the ones that mattered. Surprisingly, among those who mattered Raphael finds himself noting one Maia Roberts.

“You’re a difficult person to track down,” Maia says, sitting down beside him. “I showed up a few times to check on you but Magnus just kept telling me you were ‘out’.”

Raphael laughs at that. “Yes, well, I think I’ve been indoors long enough to last a lifetime,” Raphael says. He’s sitting on a bench at the park, jacket off and sleeves rolled up despite the chill of the fall air around them. His face is tilted up toward the sun as he speaks, eyes closed against the light.

“Good point,” Maia admits. “You seem to be doing well,” she observes. “I mean, it’s totally weird to see you smiling for no reason, but it’s nice.”

Raphael opens his eyes and sits up properly, turning to face her as they speak. “Why were you looking for me?” He asks, his mind catching up with what she first said about him being difficult to track down. “Please tell me Lily isn’t causing issues with the werewolves already-”

“No, no, nothing like that,” Maia’s quick to stop him. “I was just… looking for you. To check-in, see how you were holding up. That’s all.”

Raphael raises an eyebrow at that.

“What? The way I see it, turning human again isn’t any different from being turned into a vampire or a werewolf. It’s a huge change. And having people around during it helps.”

She isn’t wrong. In fact, despite his initial desire to insist he’s fine, she may be right about the benefits of not isolating himself for once.

“I’m holding up just fine,” he says, but adds. “Thank you for checking, Maia. I do appreciate it. You’re welcome to stay if you’d like.”

She does. She stays much longer than he first anticipates.

----

Maia doesn’t stop after that first visit. She shows up again, and again, and again. If it were anyone else Raphael would’ve told them to go away. In fact, he does tell several others to stop bothering him, but not her. She doesn’t push the way others do, or treat him like he’s fragile now, or lesser. She treats him the same as she always did, and he appreciates that more than he can say.

It helps during the long winter months when Raphael’s forced to wear numerous layers to combat the cold he can suddenly feel, the kind that chills him to his bones. Maia invites him to the woods for fires and marshmallows and on bus rides to the beach after it snows, showing him the beauty of winter even though he now feels, and hates, the cold of it.

One night, after he falls asleep on her sofa, she asks if he wants to stay the night. He’s afraid that this is it, that this is the night it all falls apart when he admits that he isn’t interested in anything physical.

Maia stays even then, content for whatever they have forming between them to form without that expectation. That night it’s Raphael who chooses to stay as well, curled up along the length of Maia’s body under the comforter in her room, and falls asleep with someone he cares about for the first time.

---

Winter gives way to Spring, and once more it’s impossible to keep Raphael indoors. Maia slept in after a late night at the Hunter’s Moon and Raphael didn’t want to wake her, so instead he scrawled a hasty ‘Going to the park. Be back later.’ before heading out early.

Raphael is still at the park around noon when Maia finds him, this time stretched out in a patch of sunlight in the grass between the shadows of two trees.

“Are you sure you weren’t a cat in another life?” Maia jokes. “Maybe we can get Magnus to chip in and buy you one of those expensive penthouse apartments with floor-to-ceiling windows on every wall.”

Raphael shakes his head. “If I were a cat in another life, I don’t think Chairman Meow would hate me as much as he does,” he points out. When he looks over he’s surprised to see Maia spreading out a blanket next to him, still carefully in the strip of sunlight.

“What’s that?” he asks, more out of surprise than anything else.

“It’s a picnic,” Maia announces proudly, bringing a bag onto the blanket and pulling out cans of soda and sandwiches from one of Raphael’s favorite Deli’s. “I can’t just let you wither away in the sun all day, so I figured I’d bring the food to you.”

Suddenly, the warmth Raphael feels isn’t coming from the sunlight on his skin, and he feels the care behind the sentiment Maia manages to say so nonchalantly. He walks over and sits himself down beside her on the blanket, then leans in and places a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth, moving slowly enough that if she wants to move away at any point she can.

He expects her to.

She doesn’t.

When he pulls away Maia catches the expression on his face and laughs lightly. “Why do you look more surprised than me right now?” she asks.

“I wasn’t sure how you’d react. It’s difficult to tell sometimes, without the physical intimacy, if someone’s feelings are romantic or platonic,” Raphael points out.

Maia hums in consideration. “Hmmm. In that case, would now be a good time to admit I’m falling in love with you, and it definitely isn’t platonically?”

Raphael smiles. “That makes two of us.”

The picnics become a frequent occurrence that spring, as does the occasional exchanging of casual kisses. They’re all he’s comfortable with, but just as Maia was more than willing to be with him without them, she’s just as willing to accept them as the extent of what Raphael wishes to do, physically. He realizes after a little while that she never kisses him first and decides to bring it up.

“You know I’m always okay with it. I wasn’t sure if you were all the time, or if it was more particular, so I figured the safest bet was to let you instigate,” Maia explains. Raphael never imagined it’d be this easy, to find someone so willing to let him set the boundaries and not question them, to be so willingly confined to them for his sake. He never imagined having someone he could be entirely himself with, and never once feel like it’s a burden.

He isn’t sure it’s possible for him to love her more than he does at that moment.

---

“Listen. I know the beach is like... a quintessential warm summer day thing, but I really don’t think you’re going to like it,” Maia insists.

Raphael rolls his eyes. “I’ve been to the beach before, Maia. I was human before I got turned.”

Maia purses her lips together. “If you insist,” she relents.

When they get there it’s particularly windy, with sand kicking up into his face every time it blows. By noon he can feel the start of what he fears may be a particularly bad sunburn, which is entirely his fault because he dozed off once or twice in the sun and didn’t turn over or put on more sunscreen.

Raphael has to admit by about 2:00 that Maia was right. He hates the beach. There’s sand everywhere, and when he went into the water to both cool off and wash off some of it that only made even more stick to him by the time he got back to his towel.

To Maia’s credit, she doesn’t say a word the entire trip back to the city. At least, not until they’re home and Raphael takes off the t-shirt he slipped on as they left, exposing what is now the fully set-in sunburn radiating off his red back.

“Oh, dear…” Maia says, literally biting down on her lip to not laugh.

Raphael sighs. “Go ahead, you can say it. You told me so.”

“I did,” Maia says, trying not to laugh. “Good thing you like being warm so much, considering the fact that you’re a human radiator now,” she adds, this time allowing the smallest chuckle to break through.

It’s true. Raphael feels as if he’s giving off more heat than could possibly be healthy, suffering the lingering, pulsing burn until Maia vanishes into the bathroom and comes back out with a bottle of aloe to soothe the worst of the burn.

There are no more beach days that summer, or any summer to come if Raphael has a say in it.

---

As the weather cools and Raphael switches shorter sleeves for scarves and jackets once more, he’s surprised to find that he isn’t dreading the upcoming months as much as he expected.

In fact, watching Maia roll over in bed and greet him with a lazy Sunday morning smile, he finds himself thinking (with the sort of sappy sentimentality he often berated Magnus for) that he has all the warmth and light he could ever need right here.

#maiaphael #maia roberts #raphael santiago #shadowhunters #elle's adventures in rare pairs continues!#elle writes a few deadbeat lines #flufftober 2020 #long post

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dappercritter · 5 years ago

Text

Random She-Ra Season 4 Thoughts:

After much thinking and suffering, here are some random thoughts I had about season 4 inbetween feel episodes.

Going into S4 be like.

Coming out of S4 be like.

Grief and failure to communicate. This season is off to a great start!

You know, I still like Swift Wind but I’m starting to see why most people, uh… don’t.

If you told me before I started the show that I would hate a sexy catgirl and feel sorry for a creepy-looking cyborg conqueror, I would have called you a liar, paused, then said, “No, wait. Yeah, that sounds like me.”

Queen Glimmer looks nice, but I’m definitely going miss her old Cutie Honey-esque hairstyle.

Shame that Huntara didn’t join the Rebellion full-time but it’s for the best. Not just so she can liberate the Crimson Wastes, but let’s face it, nobody in the Rebellion would be able to think straight with a butch Amazonian warrior goddess hanging around.

I really can’t give Double Trouble enough praise: they have so much personality, a fantastic design combining reptilian and theatre-kid traits (two of my favourite kind of characters!), are morally ambiguous but likeable, and help alleviate all the dramatic stress that this season is packed with.

Flutterina and her village has thoroughly convinced me we need more moth people in fantasy.

Why? Simple. THEY’RE SO FLUFFY

I have some minor issues with the Flutterina controversy: yes, Adora and the Rebellion recruited a young girl to fight in a war and took her from her home and all that, which is a valid concern to have and indeed just a little hypocritical given that was how she was forced to grow up, but I feel like the fact that Flutterina is actually Double Trouble, a young adult spy with what I assume is a fair amount of combat and espionage training, makes it ring hollow for me.

Also, do we know if there’s a real Flutterine that Double Trouble impersonated or is she just a persona they made up?

Either way, it’s funny to imagine the Elberon locals trying to make sense of this little girl that just showed up out of nowhere, went off to war, and then the real one shows up right after and everyone just has to go along with it otherwise people will think they can’t keep track of their own kids.

Okay, so I’m not happy about Shadow Weaver slowly being treated as just another member of the cast, but I’m also sort of glad that it’s being implied that we’re still not supposed to trust her either.

That said, leave it to Shadow Weaver to go and potentially destroy Glimmadora on us.

Rogelio confirmed for best boyfriend.

Watching Kyle’s near sacrifice gave me some Chaos Vortex PTSD. (Pit-Truama Stress Disorder)

(If you understood that reference, you have earned my respect for life.)

Light Hope, you’re scaring the adults now, too.

Emily has a holographic projector and was at one point wanted by a ruthless conqueror of worlds. So I guess she qualifies as an astromech droid now?

Speaking of holograms, seeing Catra, Scorpia, and Entrapta when they were all friends was the worst kind of bittersweet.

(After watching Scorpia leave her toxic friendship to embark with Emily on an adventure to save Entrapta) *on the verse of tears* Fricking superb you funky little lesbian! *sniff* Fricking superb…

That’s right, Catra. You reflect on the consequences of your actions like a good kitty-cat.

Sea Hawk surprisingly looks the part for a good noir protagonist.

In his own head, of course.

Is it just me, or is Frosta acting mature again? Hyperactive Little Sister Frosta is fun, but The Only Sane Person in the Room is a Literal Child Frosta would be a missed opportunity.

Oh no, Adora and Glimmer are fighting!

Yay, they were just pretending to catch Double Trouble!

Oh no…

“Boy’s Night Out” or, “How to Delight and Emotionally Destroy Your Audience At The Same Time”

Believe it or not, Sea Hawk possesses special abilities like the Princesses. Those being:

Great singing

Superhuman positivity

Nigh-invulnerability

I’m not sure if Madame Razz is a time-traveller, a Doctor, or just has some sort of Alzheimer’s, but regardless, I’m proud of how the crew handled it.

Swift Wind might be annoying at times but if showing concern for the elderly doesn’t make him a likeable character, I don’t what does.

Looks like I can add “Hero” to the list of She-Ra episodes that deserve an Emmy or Annie.

Words cannot describe how happy I was to see Scorpia pop-up in Bright Moon amid all the drama.

Glimmer is tip-toing the line between “pure-hearted character forced into morally grey responsibilities” and “grey-area wet wipe” and I am not loving it.

So between She-Ra, Huntara, and Scorpia, we all agree Perfuma has a type now, right?

I know it’s just Double Trouble making fun of her (and my love of Elvis Presley, Johnny Bravo, and Kishidan showing) but I think Adora looks pretty dang cool with a pompadour.

Beast Island: It’s Annihilation for Kids!

Yay, King Micha really is alive!

However, he still doesn’t have a wife to come back to and his daughter is making some poor life choices. Bummer.

Nice to see Bow’s still on the Hates Shadow Weaver bandwagon.

Entrapta’s got a Kamen Rider mask now and no one call me otherwise.

And she’s got a mecha that used Godzilla’s roar.

Well, even if my She-Ra-fan-heart is dying, my tokusatsu-geek-brain is happy.

How Entrapta adjusted to life on Beast Island is both nothing and everything I expected from her at the same time.

Well what do you know, Glimmadora saves lives!

BREAKING NEWS: Non-binary reptilian theatre-kid makes breakthrough with angry lesbian cat!

Light Hope, you’re breaking our hearts…

I’m glad that the show is hopping on the anti-power-up bandwagon as well. As someone who grew up with shows like Power Rangers where everything was immediately solved by new merchandise or powers, I get a sort of twisted satisfaction seeing that the shiny merchandisable new toy is more trouble than its worth.

Oh, and of course, it makes a for a good lesson on the danger of absolute power.

Before I started S4, I hated Horde Prime because he wasn’t a giant eldritch cyborg monster anymore, but I’ve actually gotten quite accustomed to his new design. Now I hate him for being a callous perfectionist world conqueror with no sense of personal space that may or may not be into selfcest.

(*praying intensely*) Please let Adora turn into She-ra through sheer-will power next season, please let Adora turn into She-ra through sheer-will power next season, please let

Yup, I was right! This season didn’t fix damn thing the last one broke!

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 4 years ago

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Character Bio: Jack Fairchild

[TW: Jack the Ripper]

Yes, he gets his own trigger warning when it comes to book related stuff, mostly just as a precaution because he gets up to a lot of fucked up stuff. Let this be your warning because at the very least his bio mentions some of the disturbing things he did.

Also, to clarify, though this gives him a tragic backstory, please don’t think this is an excuse. None of what happened to him in his life justifies what he did. Do not stan him. He may be sexy but he’s evil.

Born in 1860 to the prostitute Mary Anne Browning, Jack spent the first thirteen years of his life being smothered with affection by hi mother and being told what a great man his father was. At age 13, Jack finally was able to reconnect with his father, a surgeon by the name of Arthur Fairchild. Fairchild, seeing an opportunity, decided to take young Jack under his wing nd etach him his ways. Arthur Fairchild was a firm believer in might makes right, and that hose weaker exist to serve those stronger. He attempted to prove this by having Jack’s mother shipped off to an asylum where she would later die, which led to the beginning of Jack’s downward spiral.

Over the years under his father’s tutelage, he suppressed a lot of rage and resentment, especially towards his father. At age twenty, Jack set out into the world, hoping to get away from his father and find somewhere he could live in peace. Eventually, he found himself at Dracula’s school, and there he met Rose Milliner. He fell for her almost at first sight, and the two soon became rather inseparable. Rose often felt deep concern for him due to the serious anger he had inside him, but he promised her it wouldn’t be an issue, as he was in control.

During his time at the school, he grew rather close with Eve as well, speaking with her often whenever she decided to visit. She would often claim he would make an excellent vampire, but he wanted Rose to be the one to turn him when the time came. Eve, for her part, respected this, but soon enough Jack’s attitude began to shift as Rose began to suffer more bullying and harassment from peers after a heated interaction with Marianna Cross that inadvertently led to Rose getting the nickname “Rotbrained Rosie.” Jack began snapping at other students more frequently, getting into fights, and in general was far more belligerent and protective of Rose.

This came to a head after the Order was disbanded and Eve was weakened by Dracula and Yefim Rasputin. Going to Jack, she promised him the power to gain revenge on everyone who hurt Rose, and in a moment of anger and weakness, Jack allowed himself to be turned. The amount of venom Eve filled him with exacerbated his rage and unleashed the madness he had suppressed for years. He went forth and butchered nearly every student in Dracula’s school, as well as cornering Rose and begging her to stay by his side. When she rejected him, he snapped even further, and it was only with the intervention of Amon and Rose’s brother Rex that Jack was able to be subdued.

After regrouping with Eve, he went to Whitechapel where he would go on to become known as Jack the Ripper, although his killings were not random; he killed prostitutes as a point, one which he presented to his father. If his father’s philosophy were true, then why was the public so appalled by the so-called lowest humans in the city being so horrifically butchered? His father was unable to respond, and so Jack spent the next week slowly dissecting him while still alive, utilizing the very techniques his father had taught him. His madness had internalized his father’s old philosophies, that might makes right and the weak exist to serve the strong; now that Jack was a vampire, even the strongest mortal was insignificant compared to him.

His anger and bitterness was not quelled until a trip to Berlin, where he picked up a young man from a bar and had a night of intense sex with him. That man, Johan “Jojo” Fuast, was also a vampire, and so Jack shrewdly asked him if he might be interested in joining his coven. Excited to meet others like him, Jojo agreed, but in the time it took him to get settled in, Jack acquired an obedience collar from Rhiannon Rhydderch and put it on Jojo, making him into a compliant slave for Jack’s sexual desires, much to Marianna and Amon’s disgust and to Eve’s indifference.

Jojo suffered for a few decades until Jack met Alexis Icke, one of the Five of the Silverwings in the 60s. The two fell in love and soon she was spouting secrets to Jack, which eventually caught the attention of her superiors. She was taken away and Jack never saw or heard from her again, once again inciting his rage. Jojo began to be tormented and abused by him again until the late 70s/early 80s, in which Jojo went off with Rex and visits from Jack became very infrequent.

Jack is one of the few vampires Eve fully considers a child, and ‘loves’ him to the extent she can love anyone. Likewise, Jack completely and utterly loves Eve and views her as a surrogate mother, and greatly admires her power. Jack is a cannibal, occasionally eating his victims so that they do not go to waste. Surprisingly, aside from Jojo, he does not engage in sexual assault. He has severe mommy issues thanks to what happened to his mother, which is just another issue on top of all his myriad of mental health problems that were exacerbated by Eve’s venom. He also has a foot fetish (this is entirely canon, I swear).

He has the power to sink into and travel through shadows. This makes him almost impossible to defeat in the dark. He is incredibly fond of knives, and has a specially made one from Rhiannon known as the Holy Nail. It is supposedly made from the nails that were used to crucify Jesus, and the knife causes incredible pain even from the slightest cut.

Jack is obviously based on the real life criminal known as Jack the Ripper. He also draws inspiration from characters like Alex DeLarge of A Clockwork Orange and Patrick Bateman of American Psycho, namely in how he presents himself as a handsome, charming individual while being absolutely demented and vicious beneath it all.

#the vampirino story

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dragonloverdoran · 5 years ago

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Adding on from the Paff ask, I really love how DQ handles trauma and mental health issues, better than most examples of mental issues in media (which are often in series intended for adults or teens, curiously enough), Doom was and still is horribly traumatised, for eleven years and more, and that enabled him to empathise with Paff, much to his detriment, because he wanted to spare her the consequences of her actions, but ultimately didn’t because Lief asked. (1/2)

Paff herself could be interpreted as an example of an emotionally vulnerable person being used as a weapon (like with child soldiers irl) and perpetuating the cycle of violence that she herself suffered through, alongside being isolated and left alone to deal with her trauma. The struggle against the Shadow Lord can be seen as a metaphor for battling depression or PTSD, he can only be repelled and never truly defeated, etc, which makes it surprising, because this is a children’s story. Basically what I’m saying is that DQ is surprisingly sensitive in its handling of mental health issues and trauma and how they can never be cured completely. I think the Star of Deltora touches on this but I haven’t read it yet. Compare to ninety nine percent of media showing an easy way of healing (Snap! You’re all better because gave you a pep talk!) and that’s the last thing you’d expect coming from a children’s story of all things. It’s one reason why I love them as much as I still do.

I’m definitely with you, anon. I’ve read the books many, many times since I was like 8, but one thing I remember distinctly from the first time around was being taken aback by how the characters just... weren’t suddenly OK after the first series, the way kids’ books usually go. For example, I definitely expected Doom to go back to being Jarred and a doting dad to Jasmine, as well as becoming generally more pleasant. None of those things happened, but really it was much better to show the character moving forward, carrying experiences both good and bad. I think it’s amazing how Rodda not only tackles these challenging concepts sensitively in general, but also does so in a way that kids can understand and handle, even if they’ve never encountered the ideas before.

#deltora quest #paff #meta #anonymous #paff anon this analysis is great

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eldritchsurveys · 5 years ago

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641.

Would you convert to a different religion if your fiancé/fiancée was of a different faith? >> Fortunately, this was never an issue. Even if she did have a religion, there’s no obligation for me to share it. I tend to be the one interested in religions (although the jury’s still out on whether I’d ever actually feel comfortable adopting one).

The world is ending, and you can save one group of five people: who would be the five people that you save? >> First of all, if the “world is ending”, then I do not want to be stuck as one of the six humans left to deal with the aftermath and trying to survive in an inhospitable landscape. Also, this is just way too implausible a situation for me to take seriously.

Is happiness a delusion? Is happiness only real when shared? Why or why not? >>The idealisation of happiness is a bit delusional, I guess, but it’s a shared, social delusion -- just look at all the “wellness” “self-help” “self-care [the “buy this thing” kind, not the real, practical kind]” nonsense being peddled to us on a daily basis. Any feeling that is not happy-cheery forced positivity is aberrant and pathological and has to be “fixed”. That’s not a healthy way to think, and I hate that we’re all made to feel that way about perfectly normal ass emotions. I don’t know if happiness is only real when shared. I’ve always had someone(s) Inworld to share my happinesses (and everything else) with, so I can’t speak as to what it’d be like if I didn’t.

What would the cover of your biography (presumably written by somebody else who never knew you, postmortem) look like? >> I... really have no idea.

Write about a really good or creative Tumblr URL that you see frequently on your dashboard. >> inflagrante-delicatessen is a funny one.

If swear words were not things like “shit” and “fuck” what would they be otherwise? >> That’s, like, impossible for me to predict.

Write a very vivid description of what is/would have been your most perfect way to lose your virginity. What is your exact definition of ‘losing your virginity’? Also: will you/would you have liked to save your virginity for marriage? Why or why not? >> I don’t really care about this, you know? It’s not like if my first experience was earth-shattering, it would have somehow made up for all the horrible experiences I had later. I don’t have a definition for “losing one’s virginity” because that’s not a phrase I like to use. I don’t like making a point of dividing people’s experiences into “before sex” and “after sex” to begin with, but also, just focusing on a certain kind of sexual act as a “goal” to reach or whatever is... kind of weird to me. The whole shit is just weird the more I think about it.

Write a six-word fortune cookie. >> I’d rather not.

Why do you think eyebrows exist? >> I don’t have a hypothesis about this, but I’m sure there’s some educated theories out there if I was ever curious (right now, I am not).

If you could only have one contact on your phone, who would it be? >> Sparrow is the only person whose phone number I actually use on a regular basis, so, her.

Your bucket list is limited to three items. >> I don’t have a bucket list, period.

Do you wake up first or do you open your eyes first? >> I assume that I wake up first, and then open my eyes? But maybe it’s the other way around, what do I know.

Write a love/thank you/appreciation letter to someone you take for granted. >> No.

What makes you feel infinitely sexy? >> Can Calah makes me feel sexy. King Crimson makes me feel sexy. Sexiness isn’t something I feel outworld.

Make a video and talk about something for two minutes. Anything. And don’t edit out any parts of it. >> Uh, no.

Write a poem you’d stick on a refrigerator. >> Also no.

Are you afraid of aging? Why? >> I’m not afraid of ageing. I actually look forward to seeing what the rest of my life will bring, especially internally. What I am afraid of is infirmity, degenerative illness, that sort of thing. I’m afraid of losing my personal quality of life. (I know there’s a lot to unpack in regarding one’s quality of life as diminished if one develops a physical disability or something, because people live full lives with those things all the time. But I cannot predict how a change of that magnitude would affect me, personally, and I worry that I will not be able to adapt.)

Describe one time you basically thought you were the shit, when your self-confidence was soaring through the roof. This is meant to be a positive thing. >> Hm. I can’t remember a time like that right now.

If there was one person you could get drunk with and kiss and then later blame it on alcohol, who would it be? >> I would not do that.

Does perfection exist? If the word perfection did not exist, what word would be in its place? What would perfection mean instead? >> I guess the concept exists, at least. I don’t know if it’s something I can measure and perceive.

The next book you see that has over 300 pages, open up to page 136. Find a sentence you like, copy it down, and then write about it. >> I don’t feel like getting up to grab a book.

Who makes you laugh the most? >> ---

What is one thing that you are proud of, that you think lacks praise/lacks appreciation from the people around you? It could be a simple thing; it could be a secret thing. >> I don’t really seek appreciation from the people around me, so I don’t know.

If you could accuse somebody of being fake/a bitch and not suffer any repercussions, who would you accuse, and how would you do it? >> I’d really rather not. What even would be the point?

What is the funniest one-liner Tumblr text post you’ve ever read? >> Dude, there are so many funny ass posts on this website. I collect them at @officialaynrand.

Rewrite a verse of lyrics from your favorite song. They have to sound good when you sing it out loud along to tune of the song. >> Nope. But I will say that my brain insists on hearing the “heavy metal broke my [heart]” line in Fall Out Boy’s Centuries as “heavy metal Pokémon” and even though I know the lyrics I still sing it like that because it just kills me every time.

If the SATs/grades did not exist, in what way should colleges/teachers evaluate applicants? >> I have no suggestions.

Do you feel at home in your home? Is home a place for you? A book? A thing? A person? What would you want your home to be? >> I feel at home in Xibalba. I feel at home in my room here in the apartment, too. But I guess I’d feel equally at home in any place as long as I have a room of my own, a controlled environment that belongs solely to me.

Write your own eulogy. >> “Mordred Shadow Lastname wishes to inform us, the gathered, that it is just as surprised by this turn of events as we are. Except it actually isn’t surprised, or anything else, because It’s too busy being dead. Surprisingly. The unbelievably-deceased would like to request that if someone asks how it died, it will haunt whoever dares to say something stupid like ‘natural causes’. Make up a good story or pass the mic to someone who will.” Dunno what else I’d put in a eulogy about myself. That’s not really for me to write, anyway. Funerals are for the living, they can write the damn thing.

What is something you felt like you deserved or should have belonged to you, but you never got? >> There is nothing I feel that way about.

Do you feel ‘connected to nature’? Do you frequent outside? Do you believe that a connection with the earth we live on is necessary in the first place? >> I mean... I love to be outdoors, but I also love to be in a server room. I feel the same sense of awe and connection in both settings. For me, there is no real difference between the organic states and the transmuted states of matter. It’s all matter, innit? I don’t believe that feeling connected to Earth is necessary. I believe it’s healthy, sure, and common, but I don’t believe it’s unhealthy to not have that connection, or to feel connected to something else instead. It’s possible that some future generation of Homo sapiens will be born on another planet. What happens to that supposedly-innate “connection to the Earth” then? (Will they feel connected to their home planet instead? Or, something else? Or, nothing?)

Your opinion on oral sex? >> I don’t have an opinion on it, exactly. Just a preference: I prefer not to give or receive it. That’s all.

If one TV show could be real, which one would you want it to be? Which one would screw our world over? >> That is a complex question with a lot of variables and I don’t think I feel like devoting mental energy on it right now.

How many kinds of love are there? >> I… don’t know? As many kinds as people can conceive, I imagine. Or maybe it’s all just one kind, with different expressions. *shrug*???

Which word needs to exist (or be used again)? >> I mean, if I thought a word should be used again, I’d just use it. That’s literally how it works. If it’s been phased out completely enough that no one remembers it and it’s not recorded anywhere, then I can’t want it back, because I’d have to know a thing used to exist in the first place in order to want it to exist again.

What is the absolute hardest thing about staying alive? >> This pesky nag called “death” that keeps asking, “are we there yet?!” from the backseat.

What is a book that has been recognized as ‘great literature’ that you dislike? Why? >> Oh, I don’t know. The only time I ever read “Literature(tm)” was in high school, so I don’t know how I’d feel about any of it now. I'm just not really interested in it.

What is one change that you would make/have made to your life that will make/has made it better? >> *shrug*

Is everything you do for yourself? Can you truly be selfless? >> No, not everything I do is solely for myself. I do things for others as well. But I don’t like doing things for others if doing so threatens my quality of life, survival, or mental health. I don’t think it’s possible for a human being to act without a single note of self-interest. I mean... isn’t the survival instinct an instinct of self-interest?

Are you the same person you were two and a half years ago? >> I’m not the same person I was a second ago. (I also am not the same person I was about... 5 or so years ago, but that’s a... different thing.)

Can you possibly conquer the labyrinth? >> What labyrinth? Jareth the Goblin King’s? I’d try my best to conquer it if only to get to dance in the ballroom scene with him.

As a hyper intelligent pan-dimensional being, what is the answer to the ultimate question, the life, the universe and everything? What is the ultimate question? >> The ultimate question is obviously “how the fuck does CatDog poop?”

#surveys #survey #random survey

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