#Seriously why do I do this to myself lol
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carriedreamerx · 3 months ago
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One of my main heroes is a software engineer: I barely understand a03 code
Another of my mains is a biochemist- I barely passed chemistry in high school.
#Writers problems
ppl talk about the difficulty of writing characters smarter than yourself, but the real challenge is writing a character who is funnier than you are
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oatmealcrisp-freak · 4 months ago
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"shipping saiki is aphobic because he's aroace!"
stares at you with my demiromantic asexual in a committed relationship eyes then looks at the camera like im in the office
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pleasedontcareaboutme · 3 months ago
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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good--merits-accumulated · 17 days ago
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going through some old left-for-dead projects and just found this one where I was like. INTENT on dissecting jeff's brain on the operating table (i.e. google docs) but only from todd's weird skewed pov
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[professor voice] it's about brothers as eternal combatants and it's about being so convinced of your own goodness you excuse your shitty actions. it's also about comparing yourself to a dog because you feel less fully formed than your brother. lol.
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#“so-and-so is an irredeemable character with no depth” jokes are funny sure but unfortunately i'm unable to not take things seriously#anyway: i remember people being like [about hymnal] this is crazy! this fraternal dynamic is so fucked up! and being kind of non-plussed#because the dynamic i wrote into the fair folk wip [this one] was like fifty thousand times more. argh. bites#THIS WASN'T EVEN SCRATCHING THE SURFACE#also i've always been an advocate of writing cruel characters with sympathy because the best feeling as a reader is when#you're reading and start nodding along with a particular guy and have to take a step back and recoil at how receptive you were to them#when the character is kind and jolly and cares but he's still letting the abuse happen under his nose :eyes:#anyway this ALSO isn't an accurate jeff portrait because todd's pov is weird and jaded and sardonic at the beginning of the story#and also he's like three seconds away from exploding. lol#hm. i never explained it to myself fully [probably why i never finished this] but i think the issue was that#todd is Too understanding and he's perceptive enough to see everyone's motivations but that makes it worse because now he's too#not forgiving. but he can excuse people's actions very easily#and thus when people actually do shitty things and it makes him mad he can't really justify being mad to himself - but he still is#and this makes him sooooo volatile. and becomes a problem later on in the wip when he's trying to work on cameron#because understanding isn't the ending point you have to do the action sometimes! lol!#goddamn. i miss writing this au.#dead poets society#tristan writes#dps#dps fic#todd anderson#jeff anderson#SORRY THIS IS VERY LONG. I JUST REDISCOVERED THIS AND IT BROUGHT A LOT OF MEMORIES BACK.
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odakota-rose · 1 year ago
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leaving this on my tumblr where i can actually find it bc i posted it on twitter last week and it's already evaporated into the void lmao
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silly-lil-scribbles · 3 months ago
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me when i cant be someones favorite person all the time forever for no fucking reason: ah i see. hm. okay. i should go abandon everyone and everything and then kill myself
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titsthedamnseason · 11 months ago
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since i haven’t pissed off enough people today i’ll say something else. i’m actually not a fan of surprise song mashups and i’m glad this wasn’t a thing when it was my show
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sluttyten · 1 year ago
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My afraid-of-romance ass has just been asked by another regular customer for my number and the stupid thing is that again I do think this guy is kinda cute and I really probably should say yes
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burningcomputerpersona · 2 months ago
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ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut
#i was planning on growing it out for real i swear#but then the back of my hair got to that length (like it always does) where it starts touching the back of my neck wrong and i cant stand it#so i figured I'd juuuuuust get a trim maybe only the back so it wouldn't keep bugging me#and it started off pretty good too she was doing well with everything and i liked the way it looked#then she asked me a question with two options. and i answered the question. and she repeated my answer. good enough right?#well i think she maaaay have forgotten my answer in the span of like 2 seconds bc she started cutting SUPER short suddenly#and now my perm is completely gone lol#i think she's used to going a bit shorter so it looks good in like a week when it's grown out a bit#and you don't have to go back for a haircut every 2 weeks#but like. i would rather not hate my reflection (more than usual) for a week or two while it grows out yknow#eurghhhh it's not that bad tbh ive had haircuts where i wanted to kill myself and this is just 'hmm maybe i should wear a hat for a week'#but still. very annoying. and especially so bc i was actually feeling optimistic with where we were going at the start#anyway there's this weird phenomenon that keeps happening where I accidentally get my hair cut too short#then i decide this is going to be the time i finally grow my hair out for real#and after a while the back reaches that length where it starts bothering me again#and ill get a haircut juuust for a trim#then i somehow end up with a bowlcut#it's an emo bowlcut to be clear. so im not super hung up about it bc i still love that haircut for reasons i cannot comprehend#but everybody else seems to go 'ew a bowlcut why' except for the alt queers who go 'omg gender'#which i consider to be one of the biggest compliments i could ever get. and have gotten. seriously that moment will never leave my mind#like having someone that you consider Gender to look at you and say *you're* very gender? my crops have been watered my cattle have been fed#etc etc. anyway this currently has the shape of a bowl cut but it's too short esp on top#so im back in my 'okay im gonna grow it our FOR REAL this time' phase again. as it goes. like fucking sisyphus.#anyway. im gonna be tearing it up in the pit at origami angel tomorrow so if anybody's also going feel free to join me there#just gotta let off some steam. goddammit i knew i should have gone the queer route and just done it myself. in my defense i still had a perm#and i didn't trust myself to cut curly hair. turns out i shouldn't have trusted the barber either bc she just held it straight out#and chopped right across. and soon the curls were gone and everything was straight. ...that sounds like a metaphor for conversion therapy#'yeah just head into that place by the time you leave you'll be straight'#anyway. sorry for the waterfall of tags if ur still here kudos to you and may you have a wonderful day#mine
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solradguy · 1 year ago
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Whenever I see someone being transphobic on twt in a bridget thread i reply with three pictures of my mains: ky kiske from ac+r, ky kiske from rev 2, and ky kiske from strive.
it self selects for people who actually play the game. it’s canon that he’ll fight off transphobes with the blade. and if they actually played guilty gear they’d get the underlining messages
While it can be really funny to bully these guys back, please keep in mind that nothing you can say or do to these people will hurt them or waste as much of their time as what they say will stick with you or waste your time. It might be funny to send them a bunch of Ky pictures, but what they're doing is laughing that the only response the people they hate can give them is sending a bunch of pictures of anime boys.
The only thing that works is blocking them. They've turned being an asshole into a recreational sport and getting any sort of response in return is a victory for them.
#asks#Unfortunately I was an asshole on the internet once (not a vicious transphobe just a basic internet asshole)#I know exactly how these people function because I was there once...#When you don't take the person you're arguing with seriously it's very easy to laugh at every single thing they do#Which is what these guys are doing. It doesn't matter how well thought out the counter argument is. They don't care and they won't care#All you can hope for is that they're young and they grow out of it (I did)#I feel bad for them because I think about what led to me being like that decades ago. Are they going through the same thing?#I was like that because I was in a hopeless situation and hated myself and hated everyone else#People arguing back just proved my point that everything sucked and my hate was justified#It's an awful feedback loop. People being kind to me felt disingenuous. Why should they be kind? I hated them. They had no reason to be nic#I had to get to a point where I was willing to help myself crawl out of that pit before I let anyone else even get near me emotionally#I still remember the day when I realized I was being a fucked up little shit to everyone lol#Early June 2011. It was sunny with no clouds and there was a cool breeze. I was listening to In This Moment and I realized#'What the hell am I doing? Do I want to be like this forever? Get your shit together man'#It was a slow process from there but I did get out of it. Slowly. Very slowly.#There's a lot I did that I regret and can't ever apologize for because it was so long ago and the names and faces are gone now#Apologizing at this point would be selfish and only for my benefit anyway. I can only hope that what I did didn't hurt people permanently#Anyway. I've never talked about this on here before because it's the kinda shit that gets put on callout posts out of context#So. I am laying my naked soul bare and raw for the sake of underlining my original point: Internet trolls don't care
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strangeaxel · 4 days ago
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Hiii, I came to check on you today, how have you been? Have you eaten well? I would like to know how you are. ⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
Hi!! Omg thank you, that's sweet and kind of you /gen, Im doing okay today (i just woke up, it's 3 pm jajsjs) i been playing the sims 4 all day yesterday just building the pd1 house xD and doing other stuff :/
I haven't eaten that well tbh, i been eating lots of recipes with potatos and ordering stuff with potatos because my mom doesn't have any good money so we've been struggling a bit with money and stuff for a long time so im used to it i guess jskdk and potatos are all that we had at home.
I have been okay but at the same time very bad because I don't know if i wanna come back here, some of y'all postal art is very triggering for me and im a little disgusted at times, i just wish i could have a little bit more fun you know? Not feel intimidated. I think that or I'll either leave and just post occasionally or just keep posting and blacklist the postal tag :/
(i like this type of asks a lot btw thanks, makes me feel good and happy)
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Here's a doodle that one of my friends requested xD it's postal dude 3 eating a massive burger...tf
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5-htagonist · 5 months ago
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i am genuinely so crazyyyy about lbruuuuu.... like Genuinely Genuinely. its pretty bad guise
#like. im crazy about the.m#unfortunately ive been touched by autism and therefore the pattern seeking. they are so dirkjake#and also so me nand my husband <3#its kind of freaky actually#my husband and kabru both have ptsd overthinking masking disease. he said he didnt like kabru (anime only) and i told him about those trait#and he was like is he me. is that why i dont like him. and i was like LOL#he was ilke i dont like that he says what he needs to get what he wants... and i was like sir we literally just talked about how bad your#Fake Conflict Avoidant has gotten bro dont even play#im laios ofc.... ofc... not only is our autism like. similar in presentation. but also the whole never fitting in#and getting told off by a friend granted i wasnt told she always hated me but i was told about how annoying i am and on another occasion#how unreliable i am so LOLLLL that entireeeee scene seriously wrenched my soul#anyway im gonna commit egregious acts against myself to atone for this#alsoooooohis relationship with falin... is really relatable..#now this may sound harsh against laios but im his number one fan i will defend him to death but...#he left his struggling sister to avoid his own pain and didnt reconnect with her for years#like. Yeah. wow. i will say i was much more cruel to my sibling than laios ever was to falin lol he was just kind of a normal brotherly ass#and ofc he was a kid when he ran from home! and i was a kid when i had severe unmanaged adhd (with tism) and had 0 hold on my emotions#and then i withdrew from my sibling once i got on antidepressants lol#it was really difficult to deal with the guilt of having mistreated them to the extent i did while also acknowledging i was failed by our#adults its hard figuring out what exactly youre sorry for#anyways#i love oversharing here. do you guys like it. does anyone ever read these rants#DM
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milfbrainrot · 13 days ago
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it is just equal parts validating and infuriating that I've apparently always been right about certain aspects of mental health but resigned myself to the opinions of professionals who disagreed when... no lol I was right! And it's at least nice to know I'm right to advocate for myself in the future too bc I'm not making things up lol
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sacrilegiousoul · 1 year ago
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real personal but hey chat am i an abuser & manipulator for trying to get someone to understand how their actions hurt me, how their behavior sometimes is somewhat inconsiderate and emotional support one-sided, but that’s me calling myself a victim even though I’ve always been able to admit my wrongdoings and where it’s been my fault and correct my behavior try to be better etc. also me trying to talk about very real personal issues that is vulnerable to me, my mental health issues is “too much” and i should just “get over it, grow up” but whenever its about their mental problems i suddenly have to understand everything and why and how i have to be so they don’t react differently & always there to talk about whatever they’re going through. also my hobbies and interests could never be talked about, only theirs mainly or whatever few interests we shared. trying to get them to acknowledge this without berating me and trying to paint me as the worst person ever is draining. yeah i’ve been struggling horribly this past year, so fucking bad. the past five years it’s been great together bc i usually keep everything to myself and I don’t push my issues onto anyone else, hate being a burden but i thought i could go them since this year has been absolute hell for me bc we are “best friends” yk for some understanding, support, love, just someone to talk to me. I bear my soul to them but all I get is nah I just need to get over myself i guess and they know ive been neglected horribly during childhood that’s the worst part. i wish i could just get over it all lmaoooo wish it was that easy fr
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therealandian · 7 months ago
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ITS YOU! YOU HAVE RANDOMLY APPEARED IN ME FEED, HII!
I am fully caught up on Redeath and Search Through The Stars, and im sad because not only is this fic almost over, but another unrelated long-shot fic I’ve been reading for a while is ALSO almost over. Send help I don’t know what im going to do with my life. Find more fics I guess.
aww this is such a sweet message to wake up to. and hey don't cry cos it's over smile cos it happened or whatever the quote is lmao <3
if it's any consolation, after 4 years spent in this au, i'm also at a bit of a loss on what to do now XD (probably i should catch up on rrr, which i'm guessing is the other fic you're talking about lol)
i'm gonna try to do some more original stuff, though, so feel free to stick around for more silly gay people fucking around and finding out XD
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blackswallowtailbutterfly · 2 months ago
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So anyway it's not showing up because it's a fairy child.
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