#Self-Certainty
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"Death's child"
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#.... sorry#agathario#agatha all along#rio vidal#agatha harkness#nicholas scratch#i was overcome with the concept of Nicky always sensing Rio#as a metaphor for Death looming over him both out of love and quite literally... you choose#But mainly it was the concept of Rio not showing herself to Nicky ever#and not being able to touch him at all#not because it's a certainty that he'd pass#but because she didn't know if he would or not. couldn't risk any contact#not knowing if it would be a self fulfilling prophecy or not#idk if i'm making sense but EITHER WAY#there are a few ways to interpret this comic#in the first draft Agatha was smiling fondly#in this one it's bitter sweet. her saying ''he loves you so'' is also for herself#despite everything#they both love Rio#and on that note! i'm going back to bed. i'm sick as hell#BYE#maryneart
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i have suddenly become obsessed with a theme that HoO established but never proceeded to extrapolate on, which is:
You are Percy Jackson, and you have been swapped with a boy who was allegedly everyone's favorite person, but they have decided to replace him with you. They just met you. You stand next to his best friend and the people he's known his entire life. In his home. In his cloak. In his place. They stopped looking for him.
You are Jason Grace, and you have just found out you have a long lost sister who completely replaced you in her life with this girl you just met. Your lives and personalities are mirrors. She is you, living the life you were robbed of.
You are Annabeth Chase, and you have just become starkly aware that you have been inhabiting the void left behind by your best friend's long lost brother. You and Luke were just replacements for him. Now you have to look him in the eyes when he has nothing and know you took that life from him.
You are Piper McLean, and you have just found out your relationship is fake and built entirely on the memories of Annabeth Chase. You have been given a boyfriend when hers has been taken away. You have no idea how much of it is real or not but regardless you feel like if your relationship isn't exactly in their image that you have failed.
You are Leo Valdez, and you have just learned that you are the echo of your great-grandfather. You are not your own person. You just exist to be a mirror of him. A doppelganger. An actor and stunt double facing all the danger he never had to but wearing his face. To be there for his best friend decades later simply because he couldn't. You are playing a role. A seventh wheel and a pawn for a goddess who carefully sculpted your entire life for her own purposes.
You are Hazel Levesque, and the only reason you are alive is because your brother couldn't save your his sister. You are a consolation prize. An apology. Your existence here is misplaced in every way but you inhabit it anyways.
You are Frank Zhang, and you are a shapeshifter. Inhabiting your own body feels strange and clumsy when you could be literally anything at any time. You are anything and everything and live your life with the simple certainty of knowing exactly how you will die.
#pjo#hoo#heroes of olympus#percy jackson#riordanverse#jason grace#annabeth chase#piper mclean#leo valdez#hazel levesque#frank zhang#meta#analysis#me shaking hoo: what if we actually address the interpersonal dynamics of the characters. please. please. please. please.#frank is the only person on the boat not having an identity crisis tied to another member of the crew somehow and that is FASCINATING#but also WHERE is all the interpersonal literally anything. hello. please. making grabby hands. everybody identity crisis go.#i wanna see the entire argo ii crew stumbling through trying to figure out their places and senses of self!!!!!#particularly in relation to each other!!!!! we get snippets but we rarely ever get the full thing or a resolution!!!#like. HELLO??? Piper acknowledging that her relationship with Jason is artificially sculpted in the image of Annabeth and Percy???#and that her ideals of what Jason and her can be are just that she feels like they need to be like what Percy and Annabeth have????#and thats just DROPPED COMPLETELY????#poor Jason is getting replaced twice. Leo is not his own person.#Hazel at least gets the resolution that Nico does not truly see her as a consolation prize#but Annabeth gets to be hit with the like EIGHT YEAR DELAY of learning the place she inhabits in Thalia's life is the echo of someone else#cause like. yeah she knew Thalia had lost her brother but i dont think it clicked for her until she met Jason that oh. she *replaced* him#Frank at least has some certainty about his identity in one aspect (his curse). everybody else is floundering a bit#except for maybe Percy but its kind of the camps of ''i replaced this person and it weighs on me'' versus ''i have been replaced''
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Self-Certainty
By Earl Smith As it happened, Racoon was resting on a sunny morning in a grassy area next to Brook that Wanders Through the Woods. Her morning foraging had yielded two crawfish, and a particularly nice young eel. She had fastidiously washed, then eaten, each. A satisfying ritual that, at least partially, lightened the burden she carried. A singular event had brought into question her…
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#academy of the heart and mind#academyoftheheartandmind#Earl Smith#fable#Fiction#philosophy#Self-Certainty#short fiction#short story
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Demon-haunted computers are back, baby
Catch me in Miami! I'll be at Books and Books in Coral Gables on Jan 22 at 8PM.
As a science fiction writer, I am professionally irritated by a lot of sf movies. Not only do those writers get paid a lot more than I do, they insist on including things like "self-destruct" buttons on the bridges of their starships.
Look, I get it. When the evil empire is closing in on your flagship with its secret transdimensional technology, it's important that you keep those secrets out of the emperor's hand. An irrevocable self-destruct switch there on the bridge gets the job done! (It has to be irrevocable, otherwise the baddies'll just swarm the bridge and toggle it off).
But c'mon. If there's a facility built into your spaceship that causes it to explode no matter what the people on the bridge do, that is also a pretty big security risk! What if the bad guy figures out how to hijack the measure that – by design – the people who depend on the spaceship as a matter of life and death can't detect or override?
I mean, sure, you can try to simplify that self-destruct system to make it easier to audit and assure yourself that it doesn't have any bugs in it, but remember Schneier's Law: anyone can design a security system that works so well that they themselves can't think of a flaw in it. That doesn't mean you've made a security system that works – only that you've made a security system that works on people stupider than you.
I know it's weird to be worried about realism in movies that pretend we will ever find a practical means to visit other star systems and shuttle back and forth between them (which we are very, very unlikely to do):
https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/09/astrobezzle/#send-robots-instead
But this kind of foolishness galls me. It galls me even more when it happens in the real world of technology design, which is why I've spent the past quarter-century being very cross about Digital Rights Management in general, and trusted computing in particular.
It all starts in 2002, when a team from Microsoft visited our offices at EFF to tell us about this new thing they'd dreamed up called "trusted computing":
https://pluralistic.net/2020/12/05/trusting-trust/#thompsons-devil
The big idea was to stick a second computer inside your computer, a very secure little co-processor, that you couldn't access directly, let alone reprogram or interfere with. As far as this "trusted platform module" was concerned, you were the enemy. The "trust" in trusted computing was about other people being able to trust your computer, even if they didn't trust you.
So that little TPM would do all kinds of cute tricks. It could observe and produce a cryptographically signed manifest of the entire boot-chain of your computer, which was meant to be an unforgeable certificate attesting to which kind of computer you were running and what software you were running on it. That meant that programs on other computers could decide whether to talk to your computer based on whether they agreed with your choices about which code to run.
This process, called "remote attestation," is generally billed as a way to identify and block computers that have been compromised by malware, or to identify gamers who are running cheats and refuse to play with them. But inevitably it turns into a way to refuse service to computers that have privacy blockers turned on, or are running stream-ripping software, or whose owners are blocking ads:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/02/self-incrimination/#wei-bai-bai
After all, a system that treats the device's owner as an adversary is a natural ally for the owner's other, human adversaries. The rubric for treating the owner as an adversary focuses on the way that users can be fooled by bad people with bad programs. If your computer gets taken over by malicious software, that malware might intercept queries from your antivirus program and send it false data that lulls it into thinking your computer is fine, even as your private data is being plundered and your system is being used to launch malware attacks on others.
These separate, non-user-accessible, non-updateable secure systems serve a nubs of certainty, a remote fortress that observes and faithfully reports on the interior workings of your computer. This separate system can't be user-modifiable or field-updateable, because then malicious software could impersonate the user and disable the security chip.
It's true that compromised computers are a real and terrifying problem. Your computer is privy to your most intimate secrets and an attacker who can turn it against you can harm you in untold ways. But the widespread redesign of out computers to treat us as their enemies gives rise to a range of completely predictable and – I would argue – even worse harms. Building computers that treat their owners as untrusted parties is a system that works well, but fails badly.
First of all, there are the ways that trusted computing is designed to hurt you. The most reliable way to enshittify something is to supply it over a computer that runs programs you can't alter, and that rats you out to third parties if you run counter-programs that disenshittify the service you're using. That's how we get inkjet printers that refuse to use perfectly good third-party ink and cars that refuse to accept perfectly good engine repairs if they are performed by third-party mechanics:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon
It's how we get cursed devices and appliances, from the juicer that won't squeeze third-party juice to the insulin pump that won't connect to a third-party continuous glucose monitor:
https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2020/01/unauthorized-bread-a-near-future-tale-of-refugees-and-sinister-iot-appliances/
But trusted computing doesn't just create an opaque veil between your computer and the programs you use to inspect and control it. Trusted computing creates a no-go zone where programs can change their behavior based on whether they think they're being observed.
The most prominent example of this is Dieselgate, where auto manufacturers murdered hundreds of people by gimmicking their cars to emit illegal amount of NOX. Key to Dieselgate was a program that sought to determine whether it was being observed by regulators (it checked for the telltale signs of the standard test-suite) and changed its behavior to color within the lines.
Software that is seeking to harm the owner of the device that's running it must be able to detect when it is being run inside a simulation, a test-suite, a virtual machine, or any other hallucinatory virtual world. Just as Descartes couldn't know whether anything was real until he assured himself that he could trust his senses, malware is always questing to discover whether it is running in the real universe, or in a simulation created by a wicked god:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/07/28/descartes-was-an-optimist/#uh-oh
That's why mobile malware uses clever gambits like periodically checking for readings from your device's accelerometer, on the theory that a virtual mobile phone running on a security researcher's test bench won't have the fidelity to generate plausible jiggles to match the real data that comes from a phone in your pocket:
https://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2019/01/google-play-malware-used-phones-motion-sensors-to-conceal-itself/
Sometimes this backfires in absolutely delightful ways. When the Wannacry ransomware was holding the world hostage, the security researcher Marcus Hutchins noticed that its code made reference to a very weird website: iuqerfsodp9ifjaposdfjhgosurijfaewrwergwea.com. Hutchins stood up a website at that address and every Wannacry-infection in the world went instantly dormant:
https://pluralistic.net/2020/07/10/flintstone-delano-roosevelt/#the-matrix
It turns out that Wannacry's authors were using that ferkakte URL the same way that mobile malware authors were using accelerometer readings – to fulfill Descartes' imperative to distinguish the Matrix from reality. The malware authors knew that security researchers often ran malicious code inside sandboxes that answered every network query with fake data in hopes of eliciting responses that could be analyzed for weaknesses. So the Wannacry worm would periodically poll this nonexistent website and, if it got an answer, it would assume that it was being monitored by a security researcher and it would retreat to an encrypted blob, ceasing to operate lest it give intelligence to the enemy. When Hutchins put a webserver up at iuqerfsodp9ifjaposdfjhgosurijfaewrwergwea.com, every Wannacry instance in the world was instantly convinced that it was running on an enemy's simulator and withdrew into sulky hibernation.
The arms race to distinguish simulation from reality is critical and the stakes only get higher by the day. Malware abounds, even as our devices grow more intimately woven through our lives. We put our bodies into computers – cars, buildings – and computers inside our bodies. We absolutely want our computers to be able to faithfully convey what's going on inside them.
But we keep running as hard as we can in the opposite direction, leaning harder into secure computing models built on subsystems in our computers that treat us as the threat. Take UEFI, the ubiquitous security system that observes your computer's boot process, halting it if it sees something it doesn't approve of. On the one hand, this has made installing GNU/Linux and other alternative OSes vastly harder across a wide variety of devices. This means that when a vendor end-of-lifes a gadget, no one can make an alternative OS for it, so off the landfill it goes.
It doesn't help that UEFI – and other trusted computing modules – are covered by Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA), which makes it a felony to publish information that can bypass or weaken the system. The threat of a five-year prison sentence and a $500,000 fine means that UEFI and other trusted computing systems are understudied, leaving them festering with longstanding bugs:
https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/09/free-sample/#que-viva
Here's where it gets really bad. If an attacker can get inside UEFI, they can run malicious software that – by design – no program running on our computers can detect or block. That badware is running in "Ring -1" – a zone of privilege that overrides the operating system itself.
Here's the bad news: UEFI malware has already been detected in the wild:
https://securelist.com/cosmicstrand-uefi-firmware-rootkit/106973/
And here's the worst news: researchers have just identified another exploitable UEFI bug, dubbed Pixiefail:
https://blog.quarkslab.com/pixiefail-nine-vulnerabilities-in-tianocores-edk-ii-ipv6-network-stack.html
Writing in Ars Technica, Dan Goodin breaks down Pixiefail, describing how anyone on the same LAN as a vulnerable computer can infect its firmware:
https://arstechnica.com/security/2024/01/new-uefi-vulnerabilities-send-firmware-devs-across-an-entire-ecosystem-scrambling/
That vulnerability extends to computers in a data-center where the attacker has a cloud computing instance. PXE – the system that Pixiefail attacks – isn't widely used in home or office environments, but it's very common in data-centers.
Again, once a computer is exploited with Pixiefail, software running on that computer can't detect or delete the Pixiefail code. When the compromised computer is queried by the operating system, Pixiefail undetectably lies to the OS. "Hey, OS, does this drive have a file called 'pixiefail?'" "Nope." "Hey, OS, are you running a process called 'pixiefail?'" "Nope."
This is a self-destruct switch that's been compromised by the enemy, and which no one on the bridge can de-activate – by design. It's not the first time this has happened, and it won't be the last.
There are models for helping your computer bust out of the Matrix. Back in 2016, Edward Snowden and bunnie Huang prototyped and published source code and schematics for an "introspection engine":
https://assets.pubpub.org/aacpjrja/AgainstTheLaw-CounteringLawfulAbusesofDigitalSurveillance.pdf
This is a single-board computer that lives in an ultraslim shim that you slide between your iPhone's mainboard and its case, leaving a ribbon cable poking out of the SIM slot. This connects to a case that has its own OLED display. The board has leads that physically contact each of the network interfaces on the phone, conveying any data they transit to the screen so that you can observe the data your phone is sending without having to trust your phone.
(I liked this gadget so much that I included it as a major plot point in my 2020 novel Attack Surface, the third book in the Little Brother series):
https://craphound.com/attacksurface/
We don't have to cede control over our devices in order to secure them. Indeed, we can't ever secure them unless we can control them. Self-destruct switches don't belong on the bridge of your spaceship, and trusted computing modules don't belong in your devices.
I'm Kickstarting the audiobook for The Bezzle, the sequel to Red Team Blues, narrated by @wilwheaton! You can pre-order the audiobook and ebook, DRM free, as well as the hardcover, signed or unsigned. There's also bundles with Red Team Blues in ebook, audio or paperback.
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/17/descartes-delenda-est/#self-destruct-sequence-initiated
Image: Mike (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/stillwellmike/15676883261/
CC BY-SA 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/
#pluralistic#uefi#owner override#user override#jailbreaking#dmca 1201#schneiers law#descartes#nub of certainty#self-destruct button#trusted computing#secure enclaves#drm#ngscb#next generation secure computing base#palladium#pixiefail#infosec
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not scared of my 30s as all bc the amount of drop dead gorgeous women ik in their 30s is tremendous. please let me march into the room w that unwavering confidence i beg of you
#the lady who owns the cafe i usually study at is in her early 30s and every time she walks in my jaw DROPS#bc her fits r fire after fire#the knee high boots the dress the leather jacket the dior earrings. please go off.#she apparently also just had a kid and then bounced back so fast#and there's that certainty of self that does not allow for nonsense. i want to be like this one day
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Philosophy is to be studied, not for the sake of any definite answers to its questions, since no definite answers can, as a rule, be known to be true, but rather for the sake of the questions themselves; because these questions enlarge our conception of what is possible, enrich our intellectual imagination and diminish the dogmatic assurance which closes the mind against speculation; but above all because, through the greatness of the universe which philosophy contemplates, the mind is also rendered great, and becomes capable of that union with the universe which constitutes its highest good.
Bertrand Russell, The Problems of Philosophy
#philosophy#quotes#Bertrand Russell#The Problems of Philosophy#questions#answers#possibility#imagination#certainty#uncertainty#awareness#self#world
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Sometimes I don't understand how people can not understand George and then I remember not everyone grew up Catholic
#super passive aggressive? check#magical thinking? check#depression? big fucking check#constantly trying to reinvent a sense of meaning in life while haunted by the creeping certainty that you are fundamentally defective?#......check 😭#the complement to this is paul being the waspiest dude i have ever seen#if you're confused by that keep in mind that upperclass wasps and middle/working class wasps are different breeds#and he's got the nice boy emotionally closed off self righteous hardworking vibes of the ultimate wasp#op#george harrison#paul mccartney
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I am astonished, disappointed, pleased with myself. I am distressed, depressed, rapturous. I am all these things at once, and cannot add up the sum. There is nothing I am quite sure about. I exist on the foundation of something I do not know.
— C.G. Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections (Knopf, January 26, 2011) (via Make Believe Boutique)
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so many people have said that as you approach your 30’s things start to fall into place but I don’t feel that at all. the closer I get the more it feels that everything is dissolving and falling apart
#it’s not all in a bad way!#I’m hoping Wendell Berry is right and it may in fact be that when we have lost our way our real journey begins#and there is something where in the dissolution of certainty God enters and directs us the way He wants us to go#and reminds us that we’re not strong and independent from Him but children in His hands#but I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss the certainty of 2018/22/younger Maria#I don’t quite know this new self#except for teaching everything is uncertain and I sort of daren’t pick up the colored pencils of life to do anything with them#I guess that’s what makes me really grateful for teaching#it’s firm and sure contact between me and the outside world#but everything else is just drifting and I am at sea!#anyways I am so sorry for putting personal self-reflection and analysis on your dash on this Easter morning#ewww ugh disgusting blegh I’m sorry#but trying to gain some clarity through words#Happy Easter! thank you for listening!! praying for you all
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"To be in doubt is a more normal condition than certainty. To confess that you doubt, to admit that you never know for certain, is the supremely human condition; for to be able to suffer the doubt, to carry the doubt, means that one is able to carry the other side." — C.G. Jung
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making dragon age ocs is so dangerous bc they're so easy to spontaneously generate but then you get really sad about this guy you made up like 5 seconds ago..............
#i did this to myself i started thinking about a guy (gn) with no stable or core sense of self#cooked up the exact trope that makes me foam at the mouth & yet still im surprised with myself#anyway. charming antivan crown qunari rook mage if illusion magic were real in dragon age they'd use it#master of disguises and lies and identities and fluidity with a vast aching hole in their heart where the certainty of the qun would be#their name is raas (nothing)
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ok sorry the OTHER thing about lucienne is like. as previously stated she is dream's handpicked emissary from the waking world to the dreaming she's the diplomat in chief she's the translator she's the bridge. because the dreaming is, in a very real way, dream's own psyche, this is tantamount to giving lucienne a tremendous degree of access to his interiority and by transitive property also tantamount to entering into a deeply emotionally intimate relationship with her (unimportant for the purposes of this post whether that relationship is platonic or romantic).
now, in general, looking at the pattern of dream's close emotional relationships—dream doesn't share himself with people as a rule (beyond the access that all things that live have to the dreaming; but i'm talking about his self here, the one he doesn't like to acknowledge he even has), but when he does share with people, it's with people who have some shadow on the soul, so to speak. just looking at attested relationships in show canon, his deepest emotional connection seems to be with death, who embodies the duality of light and dark even better than he does himself. calliope is the muse of epic poetry—heroism and tragedy—and also bears the sort of divine pride that led her to cut dream off for hundreds or thousands of years when he wronged her. the less said about that other guy, the better, but he's no sunshine-rainbows-unicorns type—he's a soldier of fortune, a bandit and a killer, a man who profits from the sale of human life. even best bird matthew, in comix canon, had a sordid past that will maybe be partially retconned for the show but has still been gestured at.
dream likes the complicated ones. he's drawn to them. they speak to something in him that he won't acknowledge in himself (he has to be Whole, fully integrated, without reservation, because he is the king and he is the dreaming and if the dreaming ain't whole then the universe is in trouble—but he feels that ache nonetheless).
all that is to say: when people try to portray lucienne as dream's Designated Well-Adjusted Neurotypical Friend, i begin to harm and maim.
#chatter#as usual there is a larger pattern of behavior around this post that has been making me crazy for some time#it's the ''holder of the braincell'' trope but it's also just like the flattening of female characters of color in every possible dimension#so many people are terrified. TERRIFIED. to imagine a woman of color's pain#because the demands of shallow progressivism are such that they require you to acknowledge that A Black Woman Has Suffered More#Than Anyone Else Ever In The History Of The World Ever; Because Of Racism#but the demands of wider fandom are such that they require you to buy into the concept that A White Man's Suffering#Is The Only Suffering Worthy Of Care Attention Or Interest.#can't handle the dichotomy so instead they create the imago of a Black woman who has never suffered anything ever#she cannot be mentally ill; she cannot be disabled; if she is queer then it is in a way that is wholly self-contained and complete#and not ambiguous or in flux in any way; and most important of ALL she can never have experienced racism.#because racism As We Know is the worst form of suffering. so if she'd suffered racism then that would make her more worthy of#compassion than White Guy No. 37. which must not be#the very idea that lucienne is simply at peace with herself and the dreaming with no further complication.......like!#WOMEN OF COLOR ARE NEVER AFFORDED THAT KIND OF CERTAINTY. ARE YOU STUPID.#and by the way being reserved/calm/unassuming/practical are NOT absolute indicators of mental wellness.#y'all can see this when it's a white guy what is your fucking DAMAGE when it comes to women of color.#OPEN YOUR EYES. USE YOUR POWERS OF DEDUCTIVE REASONING. DREAM DIDN'T CHOOSE HER TO BE HIS THERAPIST.#DREAM CHOSE HER BECAUSE; PRESUMABLY; SHE ACHES. SHE CONTRADICTS. SHE GRAPPLES WITH THE SHADOW ON THE MIND.#SOMETHING IN HIM SEES A KINDRED SOUL IN HER. WAKE UP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
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To whom it may concern…
Manifesto: 0
For those of us who came out a considerable time ago and those who came out before that, the implication and reality of being hurt for who we are never and couldn’t deter us. Because we found the thought of not living authentically to be much worse; to be akin to having not lived at all.
Life comes with guarantees; we will be hurt along the way some more than others and the sleep of death will not be refused. Rather I have found as have others; life is meaningful because it has an end.
Those of us who came out, stepped forward, and live authentically have considered this. We have considered the gift it is to live. And we have considered what we wish our lives to mean; that is to say we have considered how we’d choose to greet death which is the factor that makes life significant.
For those who came out before me and you? They showed me and you that it is possible for us to live. If we so dare. You see it is possible? Possible to say I am what I am and to live that. In fact I must because I see no other desirable way.
You have come out; stepped forward at a certain time. And now you live. And now you must consider what will this mean? What will your example be to our coming generations? Will you be one that runs away? Will you be one that hides in the face of adversity? Will you be one who dares?
Consider your life carefully my friends. Because it will have meaning.
#live laugh love#queer#to whom it may concern.#gay wizards#nonbinary#transgender#gay#life lessons#love#self love#life#life affirming#life and death#for your consideration#tranny#rainbow#luminous#that’s life#guile#dare i say#dare#double dare#bet#adoration#be bold#revolution#future#certainty#way of kings#my manifesto
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Me cry laughing when people think Arthur is an arrogant king who slayed for his title.
Me sobbing uncontrollably because he was just a boy. He wasn’t allowed to be anything else other than a prince, and now he struggles finding himself because in order to do so he has to acknowledge the beast he became and look through it to see himself.
#.| about#.| study#.| arthur#I’m not okay#lemme lay down#now he’s a grown man and doesn’t know himself or what he wants#his self assured nature only stems from one certainty and it’s what his father gave him#you are king
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Yes i'm selfish. Yes i'm jelouse.
Don't seek others attention and love if i'm here.
Don't act busy or make yourself busy on purpose because you feel uncomfortable or you don't wanna be here.
If you wanna be here in my life just because you feel petty on me. or you think your existence will prevent me from killing myself. JUST DON'T. DON'T DO THAT. IT'S SUCH AN INSULT TO MY FACE. AND IT MAKES ME WANNA KILL MYSELF MORE THAN EVER.
Don't be here because you afraid of being alone. or concerned about what i will think about you if you are not here.
Please Don't do that.
If you are here and the reason is NOT that you WANT ME or LOVE ME. Just leave. simply leave me alone.
If you are here and the reason is NOT that you NEED MY LOVE FROM ME THE WAY I DO IT and MY EXISTENCE. Just leave. simply leave me alone.
Don't talk or speak to others and make me feel like i'm not enough.
Because i know i'm enough. I'm more than enough. and i'm worthy. and my worth makes me verry sure that there is no women on this earth worthy my kind of love and worth. but it happened that i loved YOU. unfortunatley.
i'm the man who can love a pure love an unconditional love. like mothers hahaha. No man can afford that.
If you are here know and be sure that i WILL LOVE YOU. even if you don't deserve that and I'm killing myself to do so. but i will never stop.
So. Please. Make Sure Of You Being Here.
and tell me. ok? ....
#personal#love#love of my life#deep thoughts#thoughts#you and me#certainty#think about it#unconditional love#here and now#breeze#petrichor#petty#insults#stop#self worth#romance
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Certainty
There is no urgency anymore
One can not take the steps and be complete
There is an ongoing process to it all
THere is no final destination
The road to healing is challenging
It brings forth an uneasy way
A way that is not defined
or surrounded by barriers
There is no set path
As there is no set destination
The heart of the traveler
Knows the way.
The heart must be followed
on the individual journey of life
The path varies for all that travel
The path can lead to many places
My place and my destination
is different than yours
My path includes lots of battles
I must see them through
I must see them as they are
They are things to get over
Things to help me grow and be better
They are the obstacles on my path
My journey and my steps
THe way my life needs to go
I chose which foot to put forward
I chose which way to go
Society tells you a certain way
But when your path does not line up
it is trivial
Trivial for all the people watching your life
Which path will she take?
What growth will she encounter?
How will it change her?
Who will she become?
The wonder and unknow present themselves
The curiosity of what will happen
Where will she end up?
Where will she go?
There is no certainty anymore.
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