#STARTER CALL :: ⌜about goddamn time. lets do this.

[rowdydevs]

Milkshake - Rafe Cameron One Shot

+18 Minor DNI

OlderPerv!Rafe x BestFriend!Reader

both are in their 30’s

⭐️ republished ⭐️

+18 Minor DNI

🪄 (spoilers) Cheating, swearing, name-calling, oral (male receiving), cum play, choking, Rafe’s a perv 🚩, has pictures and videos of reader w/out her consent, mentions listening to her masterbate,fetishizes simple things (reader licking whipped cream and drinking from a straw) because he’s a perv

📖 OlderPerv!Rafe is obsessed with his best friend (reader) and is willing to do whatever it takes to get you. Based off of an ask: Perv daddys best friend paying yn to only put the tip into her Because thats not really cheating on his wife it is not all the way in is it? But it feels so good too her and she just pushes herself all the way down rafe is totaly in awe as she starts riding him Her putting his hands on her tits

✨ “What?” You cut him off, pulling back a little, staring into his lust-blown eyes. He leans in, not wanting to explain any further. You take your hand, resting it on his neck, pushing him back to the headrest, making his eyes flutter shut. Rafe releases a primal groan, the vibrations felt against your palm. He likes this. You squeeze his throat a little tighter, making him moan. ✨

2.8 K lightly edited (<- mostly smut)

Reader’s POV:

“My mouth is watering, Rafe,” you groan. “This is torture.”

His eyes cut over to yours, rolling back in annoyance. “If you think you’re drinking a milkshake in my car, you’re crazy. I don’t even let my wife bring food in here. This ride is my baby. It’s ten-minute tops.”

“You don’t eat or drink in your car… ever?” You pout, poking out your bottom lip as you look around his pristine ride. The answer is so plainly written in the details.

“You can fuck up my bimmer, my G-Wagon, hell even my Escalade. Aight? Dealer’s choice. But you’re not eatin’ in the DB5.”

“Did this come with your mid-life crisis starter pack or what?”

Rafe sucks his teeth and laughs. “Yeah. Yeah. This and that fleshlight-“

“TMI!”

“TMI?” He gasps through a laugh. “It’s the only thing fuckin’ me these days. M’always in the doghouse. Always…”

“What did you do this time, Cameron?”

“Nothin’.”

“Bull-fuckin’-shit,” you retort. Rafe rakes back his hair nervously, scratching at his 5 o’clock shadow. Fuck, he’s handsome… You stare at him a little more. His head snaps your way, catching you with a smirk on his lips.

“You like what you see or what?” He challenges.

You roll your eyes and scoff. “What did you do, Ray,” you mimic his Sofia’s voice, making him cringe.

“Fuck, you’re too good at that. Don’t do that shit.”

“What?” You mock her again.

“Like nails on a chalkboard. I swear. Use your voice. Please.”

“Mhmm… If you let me eat in your car and IF you tell me why you’re in trouble.”

“You’re a nosy little shit. You know that?”

“Ray…” You breathe in her tone again.

“Shut up about your goddamn milkshake,” he huffs. “It ain’t gonna happen. What adult drinks a milkshake anyways?”

“It’s got booze in it.”

“And?” He sasses.

“Island Club makes the best mudslides. You know that. Stop stalling and tell me what’s up.”

“Fine! She found pictures on my phone. Okay?”

“Pictures?”

“Pictures.”

“Of what?”

“It’s personal.”

“Of who?”

“Leave me alone!”

“Pussy.”

“It’s none of your goddamn business. Alright?”

You turn toward him, dramatically swiping your finger across the whipped cream, bringing it to your mouth. Rafe’s eyes dart from you to the road and back. “C’mon, Rafey.” You slip your finger between your lips, leaving a little mess on the bottom. Rafe lifts an eyebrow in your direction, a smirk pulling on his perfect lips.

He punches the gas, making you grip your seat wide-eyed. “We’re almost there,” he smiles as his car barrels through the night. Your heart starts to race along with the speed of his Aston Martin, the pointer kissing seventy miles an hour.

“R-Rafe. The speed limit is twenty-five.”

“It’s optional.”

“Rafe!” You squeal, grabbing onto the door as you round a tight curve. He lets out a wild laugh, eyes trained on the road ahead as the engine roars.

“This is so fucking dangerous!”

“Please… You should have thought about it before you did whatever the fuck that was,” he groans. “And it isn’t dangerous, baby. You’re safe.” Baby…

The trees around you melt into the night as you fly by them. Nothing is visible but the road before you. Rafe doesn’t look frightened in the slightest, completely confident, blissed out even. “Where are we even going?” You spit.

“Our spot.”

“Our spot? What spot?”

“The spot where we smoked weed for the first time… Riddler Cove – Beach Access,” he blurts breathlessly. “You were wearin’ that little red bikini,” he smiles as he wets his bottom lip, twisting his hands a little tighter on the steering wheel as he recalls something from 16 years ago.

Rafe reaches for the speaker, cranking up the music. The bass bumps in your chest, dueling with the rapid beating of your heart. You see the Riddler Cove parking lot come into view, vast darkness stretching ahead as you near the water. He smiles in your direction, his mood changing in an instant. A shameful look spreads on his face as he slows his roll. “I should have asked,” he sighs. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Jesus Christ. Just give me a fucking warning next time,” you let out a nervous laugh, punching his arm hard. Rafe coasts down the route, sailing into the vacant parking lot. Your heart rate slows, and your grip loosens on the leather seat.

Rafe quickly cuts off the engine, turning toward you hastily, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Show me.”

”Show you what?“ You laugh lightly as you turn your body toward him again.

His eyes lower from yours, landing on your cleavage. Rafe’s breath hitches as he takes in the sight of your tits pressed together. ”Uhh.. That thing you did with the whipped cream. Show me again. It wasn’t fair… I didn’t get to see.“

Your cheeks burn from your smile. You shake your head dizzily. “No, Rafe.”

“Pretty please.”

“We’re friends. What the fuck do you wanna see that for?”

“Why did you do that in the first place? Huh? What do you expect from me?”

“I don’t know…” You scoff. “Perv.”

“‘Scuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“I’m no perv. I’m just a guy. Sue me.”

“If I do it again, will you let me have my shake in here?” You relax your head into the seat, fluttering your lashes.

“If you do it again, you can have whatever you want.”

“Depends then. Are you telling me your secrets?”

“You don’t wanna know.”

“I really, really wanna know,” you smile.

“Ugh. FUCK! Fine. They were… pictures of – well… Pictures of you.”

“We’re best friends. Why wouldn’t you have pictures of me?” You sneer as you think about his perfect little housewife.

“Uh… Yeah. Not those kinds,” he laughs weakly.

“Tell me. Please.” You throw your gaze down to the shake, hand drawing toward it slowly. Swiping again, you collect the sweet cream on your finger, bringing it to your lips.

Rafe’s gaze follows you closely, watching as it passes your lips, grazing your tongue. His lips mirror your own, slightly parted. You leave a little mess just like before. “Kelce,” he mumbles, too lost in the moment to even think straight.

“Excuse me?” You laugh breathily.

“Sorry – umm,” he fumbles as he watches your tongue slide across your lip. “You guys dated.”

“Duh,” you scoff.

“Been… Mmm,” he moans, watching you wrap your lips around the straw, watching you suck.

“Been?”

“I’ve been stealing your nudes off his phone for years.”

“Rafe!” You gasp through a broad nervous smile.

“Yeah – Yeah. You seem real upset about it, sweetheart,” he teases you as you try to act serious about it all.

“Why? I mean do you want me?”

“Obviously. I’d do anything. I mean anything to have you,” he sighs. “Even a little.”

“Even a little?” You ask, riding off the high of your beautiful best friend’s admittance. I mean, I should be upset, but I’m not. Not in the slightest.

“Just the tip. Please,” he pleads. “I’ll – I’ll pay you even.”

“Jesus, Rafe. Pay me? What the hell?”

“No – No. Stop. Think of it as a thank you. Okay? And it’s just the tip, so it’s not technically cheatin’.”

“Would your Sofia say the same?” You ask.

“Do you care?” He questions louder as he cocks an eyebrow in your direction. You think about it momentarily, shaking your head no before looking back into his beautiful blue eyes. “I don’t.”

“Yeah. That’s what I thought. So, please,” Rafe whispers, lessening the space between you.

“I should be upset about the pictures, Cameron,” you whisper as you match his movements.

“You really, really should be. But you aren’t,” he subsists as his lips hover mere inches from yours. Rafe’s hand works up your arm, toiling around the back of your neck. “10k.”

“10? Are you kidding?”

“I’ll make it 15 if you stop askin’ questions-”

“Deal.” His lips crash into his, taking your breath away. Mouths, parting; tongue, greeting his as you throw your seatbelt off. Rafe reaches for you, pulling you onto his lap. He grabs your hips, driving you closer. You can feel the chill of your wetness as your panties graze his belt buckle, making you moan softly into your kiss. Rafe smiles against your lips.

“20 if you just let me play a little,” Rafe hums like he snorted a line, finally getting his fix. “20 G’s.”

“Rafe…”

“I’m serious. No more questioning me. C’mon. Your moans sound so much prettier close like this-” he pants.

“What?” You cut him off, pulling back a little, staring into his lust-blown eyes. He leans in, not wanting to explain any further. You take your hand, resting it on his neck, pushing him back to the headrest, making his eyes flutter shut. Rafe releases a primal groan, the vibrations felt against your palm. He likes this. You squeeze his throat a little tighter, making him moan.

“Fuckkk,” he drawls. “You’re killing me,“ he rasps.

You lean in closer, brushing your lips against his, making him whine when you pull away slightly, causing him to chase your mouth. “How do you know what it sounds like when I moan, Rafe?” You whisper against his lips.

“I’ve heard it before. So, so, so many times…”

“How?”

“Through the wall, on my phone, out your window, behind a door. I know what it sounds like when you cum on your fingers, your vibrator, or a dick. Just – Just please don’t stop. I’m sorry. 40… Alright? 40k. 50 if you let me take off your clothes. Me. Not you.”

He rests his head on your shoulder, burying himself in your neck as you think. His lips press against your skin; wet kisses planted as he moves to your jaw, working his way back to your neck, sucking lightly. “You smell so damn good,” he groans hungrily, making you pulse below. “So perfect.” Your hands fall slowly down his chest, working lower and lower.

He breathes your name against your skin as your fingers graze over the top of his jeans; his cock, rock-hard underneath, making him suck in a breath. “Rafe,” you pant against his lips as your fingers continue to outline his length, working down his thigh.

His hands skim higher, pinching your lace thong between his fingers. “I’m begging you,” he pleads pathetically.

“Okay.”

“Okay? Seriously?”

Rafe grabs the door handle fast, pressing it open before you can change your mind. A strong breeze whips through the car as the two of you step out. Rafe shuts the door, quickly backing you into the vehicle as his hands work around your neck, kissing you deeper. His hips drive into yours, tongue slipping through your lips. You moan his name softly, making his hold on you even tighter.

His hands fall to your hips, gripping tightly, turning you away. Your hands rest against the driver’s side window as he works up your thighs, slipping under your skirt. You look over your shoulder, matching his gaze as he seizes your hips. You can feel his cock through his jeans, stiff against your ass. Rolling slowly, you work yourself against him, listening to his muttered praise. His fingers dig deeper, a bruising hold on your body that’ll surely leave marks.

“Fuck, baby,” he groans. Rafe reaches under your skirt, looping his long fingers around the string of your panties, pulling them over your ass. Rafe quickly grabs them from the ground, tucking them in his pocket for later. You feel the chill of your wetness against the open air, the warmth of his hand following close behind, gliding up your inner thigh, drifting closer and closer. Rafe’s thick fingers sweep up your wet pussy. “Shit…” He moans, huskily quickly stuffing them in his mouth, sucking you off. Rafe reaches forward and grabs your neck, pulling you back to his lips. He kisses you, causing chills to fall over your body and nerves buzzing from head to toe as you taste yourself on his lips. “Get in the back.”

Rafe grabs the door and pulls it open, letting you sink inside. He follows closely behind, snatching you and pulling you back onto his lap. You pinch the bottom of your dress, but he stops you. “You said I could-” He huffs. “We had a deal.” You give him a nod, and he smiles boyishly, pinching the little zipper between your tits, tugging it open achingly slow; Rafe hanging onto every moment. His mouth falls agape, eyes wide as he drinks you in. ”Goddamn,“ he groans as he tosses his head back, a broad smile painted on his lips.

You draw your mouth to his neck, kissing him roughly. He lets out a sinful chuckle, taking a grip on your ass, spanking you, circling your bare skin. “Mmm… Let me look at you, baby,” he says. Rafe bites his kiss-bitten lip, studying you carefully as his fingers trace up your spine slowly. He lands on the clasp of your bra, unfastening it. The fabric slips off your shoulders and onto his lap. His eyes follow the lace, journeying up your body again, landing on yours. He takes your nipple in his mouth, swirling and biting, before moving to the other side.

BEEP.

Your stomach drops. The gravity of the situation is setting in as you see a text notification from his wife. You pull away, grabbing your bra off his lap. “Hey. No – N-No. Stop. Please. Just – Just c’mon. I need this. Please. I need you-”

“Who said I was gonna stop?” You whisper as you toss your bra to the floor.

You lean over, grabbing his phone, declining his wife before flicking your finger a couple of times, angling it straight at the two of you, pressing record. “Did you just… Are we? Oh my god,” he babbles as you help him out of his polo. You let out an airy laugh, resting your hand against his chiseled chest, using the other to trace his signature gold chain.

“Am I recording this? Yeah. Yeah, I am,” you hum. Rafe’s heart bangs under your palm, the man unable to catch his breath. “Just the tip.”

“Just the tip,” he stammers as he races for his belt, quickly fighting with the button and zipper. Rafe strips down to his boxers, letting you do the rest. You tease him, taking your time, revealing his length inch by inch. His dick springs free, slapping against his toned stomach; his fat tip messy with precum. Your gaze flicks to his as you lower your mouth to his cock. Rafe’s lips part, eyes hooded. His thick breathing and moans fill the car. “Shit,” he hisses as you pull away, looking down at you with a mix of emotions. “55… 55k?”

You hover over his tip, running a line of spit onto the head of his cock. His muscles tighten, fist slamming down on the leather seat.

“60,” you tease.

“Just – just take it. The black one. Fuck the black card in my wallet. I don’t care. Anything you need… Anything you want… Anything you think about, it’s fucking yours.”

“I’m not taking your money,” you whisper, blowing lightly on his cock before swirling your tongue around his head, collecting his precum.

“Oh fuck,” he moans. Rafe’s mouth falls open, his long, thick dick cumming in ropes of white almost instantly. His apologies get caught in his throat as you lick a line up his stiff shaft, cleaning the mess. Rafe reaches for air as he watches you suck him off some more, using what remains to stroke his cock as you tap his tip against your tongue. He looks over at the phone in a fucked-out daze, smiling in satisfaction before throwing his head back. “Yeah… Yeah you are. You’re taking my goddamn money.”

He grabs you, pulling you into his arms, lips crashing into yours. Rafe wraps his strong arms around your body, pulling you nearer, his bare chest pressed against yours. Your heart races a little faster as your adrenaline starts to kick it. ”The tip?“ He asks hopefully between kisses, getting greedy, hoping you’ll cave and give him more.

“Only the tip,” you respire as you thrust your hand between the two of you, taking hold of his cock.

“I’ll take it,” Rafe whispers as his head meets your cunt. He lets out a deep groan, thundering in his chest. His eyes meet yours again. “This is for me?” He asks shakily. “Please say it’s for”

“You, Rafe. It’s all for you.”

He takes control, gripping his cock in his fist, running his fat mushroom tip through your slick folds, swirling softly on your clit. Rafe shudders in overstimulation but there’s no fuckin’ way he’ll stop for anything. He slows down slightly, a smile spreading on his lips as he glides lower.

“Mmm… Right there,” you whisper against his mouth as his head toys with your entrance. His lips press against yours as you widen your thighs, dropping down on his tip, feeling a big stretch.

“Fuck me,” he pants.

“Feels so good, Rafe,” you whimper.

“So damn good. Holy shi-” You sink lower and lower unable to stop yourself. Rafe lets out a long, drawn-out moan against your lips. “Oh… Oh fuck,” he stammers as he clutches your hips when you’re fully sat, pulling back to look at you in awe. He pushes you down a little more, making your eyes roll back in your skull, filled to the brim with him. The sight of your pleasure is almost too much to take.

The two of you watch as you rise up, Rafe’s thick cock glistening with your essence. You hook one hand behind his neck, leaning back slightly, gripping the leather seat. You start to ride him, grinding and bouncing on his big cock as his large hands hold onto your tits. Rafe grabs your hips and slap your ass; just playing with your body, worshiping your curves like he’s always wanted.

“I’m not gonna last – just keep going. Please-” He begs.

“Just keep cumming for me…” You moan as you start to roll your body, working him in and out of your soaked pussy, 60 thousand dollars richer.

[kennahjune]

HEAR ME OUT?? Please—

I LOVE love LOve when like, in fics, Steve has this really weird talent or interest that nobody knows about or like nobody expects but then oddly enough it sort of fits him.

And just like— it opens up so much possibility for character projection.

My favorite is writer Steve but I’ve been growing increasingly obsessed with Steve who’s hyper fixation is snakes.

The image in my head is like— everyone’s hanging out at the trailer park for one reason or another, and they hear Robin fucking /screech/.

Everyone’s on their feet in a split second, worry and confusion and deep dread forcing the way into the forefront of their minds.

Turns out: it was a snake. A really small one at that.

Eddie and Wayne offer to take it and dispose of it, the two of them having done this various other times with the other snakes people find in the trailer park.

But Steve pushes to the front of the group yelling and scolding.

“No absolutely not!”

Eddie shares a look with Nancy, both chalking it up to Steve’s hero complex acting up and him trying to protect them from the potentially dangerous critter.

“Look, Stevie—“

“You are not going to kill that little sweetheart!”

Eddie paused, shared a confused furrow of brows with Nancy and Robin, and turned to face Steve fully.

“Stevie, baby, that’s a snake.”

Steve stood with his hands on his hips, a determined glint in his eye, and nodded. “No I thought it was a squirrel.”

Eddie sighed loudly. “Then what do we do with it?”

“Well not fucking kill it for starters! It’s harmless. Aren’t you baby?”

Eddie and everyone else watched Steve step up to the snake that was hanging from the trailer’s side door. “Um, Steve what’re you doing?”

Steve ignored them completely and simply plucked the snake from its place on the door. From somewhere beside Eddie Robin squeaked in horror and Will groaned while Lucas gave a violent shudder.

“Such a small baby aren’t ya?” Steve cooed at the little snake wrapped around his hand.

“Steve— that’s a snake,” Nancy said warily, eyeing said snake like it killed her mother. “A potentially dangerous snake.”

Steve scoffed while the snake lifted the front of its body to peer at him. “She’s not dangerous, she’s a goddamn rat snake. They’re harmless.”

Just as he said it, the snake turned its head and not his finger. Where Steve didn’t even blink, everyone else freaked.

Eddie and Robin rushed over to him, Eddie immediately taking a look at his hand but keeping his hands away from the snake. Robin kept her distance but rambled about rabies or whatever.

Steve huffed and laughed quietly. “Guys, seriously. It’s a rat snake, they’re completely and utterly harmless to humans. They have such a small amount of venom it doesn’t bother humans. And besides, this little baby’s so small she couldn’t even break the skin.”

He was right, there was no sign of breakage or even redness on Steve’s hand where he was bitten.

Eddie looked at his boyfriend a little in awe and even more in love.

Jesus Christ.

Dustin and Mike walked slowly over to Steve, each asking to hold the snake.

Steve held it out gently, Dustin taking it first and holding it delicately in his hands. When he passed it over to Mike, the snake wrapped itself around his hands and a bit up his arms. Eddie was a little in shock at the giggle the younger Wheeler let out.

Dustin, Mike and Steve sat on the trailer’s side steps and held the snake together, going back and forth about random animal topics that Eddie couldn’t be bothered to remember.

When he asked later, Will and Lucas were delighted to explain that the entire reason Dustin was allowed to join The Party was because in 4th grade he brought Mike a frog he found. Lucas explained that Mike and Dustin had both gone through and extensive reptile and amphibian phase in elementary school and still held onto some of that obsession.

From then on, whenever anyone in the trailer park found any form of snake or rodent that they wanted gone, they called Steve.

[avocado-writing]

Kinktober #26

26. Pegging // Edgeplay // Seduction (Logan Howlett x Reader x Wade Wilson)

“Not once?”

“No,” says Logan, the timbre of his voice suggesting that Wade had better drop this subject. Wade, being Wade, doesn’t.

“You’ve really never even had one prostate orgasm? Aren’t you like, two hundred years old?”

Logan growls as he drinks his beer. You exchange a look with Wade across the table, brows raising as one. Yeah, you’re pretty surprised too. But then, thinking about it… Logan is usually the one doing the fucking, whether it’s you or Wade, not being fucked. At least not that way.

Hmm. You tap your fingernails on the tabletop, one at a time, drumming with each second which ticks by.

“Do you want to?” you ask, and coming from you, Logan almost snorts beer out of his nose. Wade tries not to light up like this is the best idea he’s ever heard.

He doesn’t say no, though. Instead he narrows his eyes. He’s thinking.

Logan doesn’t approach it again that night - the conversation instead turning to something asinine (Wade’s fault) and lighthearted (yours)… but when the three of you are in bed a couple of days later, and he’s kissing up your neck, Wade’s fingers walking along his spine… he pulls back.

“Who’d do it?” he asks. The two of you immediately know what he means, but Wade can’t help teasing.

“Who’d do what, Peanut?”

Logan growls again and you think he’s going to call off the whole thing, but you tangle your fingers in his hair to get his attention.

“Me, baby. It’d be me. I have something that’s a good starter.”

Wade nods and pats his junk. 

“For sure. If you took all this for your first time, you’d be ripped in half I think, Peanut.”

Logan goes to snap something at Wade but you’ve been waiting for him to say something dumb, so you shove the dildo you’ve fished out of the drawer straight into his mouth to shut him up. It’s only six inches, not the biggest one you own, but a nice introduction for something like this.

“Get that ready, you goddamn nuisance. I need to go find the harness.”

Wade grumbles and removes it with a pop, grabbing the lube and nodding to the closet.

“It’s hanging up on my side, between my shirt that says ‘baby slut’ and my maid outfit,” he states, as easily as if he’s stating the colour of the sky. Logan watches as the two of you move in tandem, getting things ready, his knuckles going white as he grips and releases the bedsheets over and over in anticipation. When Wade slips his fingers in between his legs his growl is only gentle, letting himself be spread and worked open. You can tell from Logan’s face he’s not used to the strange intrusion but he doesn’t mind it, in fact the more Wade moves his fingers in and out of his hole the more relaxed he gets, his mouth falling into a little ‘o’ of pleasure. 

“You okay, big boy?” Wade asks, as you take the readied silicone cock and tuck it into your harness. Logan nods and Wade retreats, allowing you to line up your fake dick with his needy hole.

“Tap out if you need to, it’s okay if you don’t like it,” you say, gently. Logan doesn’t strike you as the kind of man who’ll tap out at all, but you need to let him know he can’t just suffer in silence. You don’t draw attention to the way Wade threads his fingers through Logan’s and Logan squeezes them, a quiet act of support and reassurance.

You push in and Logan throws his head back, heavy cock bobbing up against his happy trail and smearing pre on his stomach. You grin as your hips fit against his. It’s comfortable here, his thighs pressed up against yours, a strange 180 on how you usually are in bed. 

“Feel good, baby?” you fuck him with gentle little movements, nudging the cockhead against that spot inside of him, and he huffs out an enthusiastic breath. Wade reaches over to slowly stroke his cock and Logan jumps like he’s just touched an electric current.

“Fuck…” he growls, slinging an arm over his eyes as his body gets stimulated in a whole new way. You’re glad he trusts the two of you enough to let you do this, help him have new experiences.

“Can you take more?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, baby, okay,” you sigh, and begin to move your hips properly, dragging your cock out to the top and then slamming it back into Logan’s hole. He grunts and huffs with every movement, cock jerking wildly to Wade’s touch.

“Look at you, honey badger! Taking your first pegging like a champ. I’d finished by this point, so I’m impressed that—”

Before he can get to the end of his sentence, Logan comes so hard that it hits Wade in the goddamn face. All you can do is look at the scene with a grin so wide it hurts your face.

“Welp, that’ll be the prostate orgasm,” Wade mutters, gathering the spend off of his face with his fingers and then licking them clean. Logan shoots him a look.

“Stop goddamn talking, Red.”

“Okiedokie. Just this once.”

“Enjoy it?” you ask with a little laugh, pulling out of Logan’s hole. He considers this for a moment as his senses come back.

“Not bad,” he surmises. You and Wade exchange a twinned look of victory.

[celestiallystella]

Hi! I absolutely loved the Mer!Legend piece you did, and I was wondering if you'd be interested in writing some NSFW headcanons for him too? If not that's completely fine but I've been STARVING for Mer Leg content ❤️

omg YES, looove mer leg sm, he and sky are my two bbys! glad you enjoyed the first post anon :p

Mer Link/Legend x GN!Reader NSFW

as always, gn reader (no specific genitalia for the reader mentioned!) and in this case an established relationship! if you want context as to how the relationship began, read my first post on mer legend here! my nsfw headcanons tend to devolve into random hcs tht are vaguely sexual, so apologies for that!

since this request is clearllyyy based around mer legend, expect him to be half fish for 99.9% of this.

also, just like in my other post, he'll just be called link since none of the others are included. there may also be vague references to some stuff from that post, but dont fret if you havent read it <3

hope you enjoy :D

unfortunately, even the bunny bullshit gets him in his merform, and he's ALWAYS down for sex (never once does he bother to consider that maybe he's just a horny guy regardless, but yk)

oral. this man LOVES giving oral

especially when he has the mermaid suit on

half in the little river by your house, you laying on the shore, his head between your thighs

i say that there's definitely more changes that come with the mermaid suit besides JUST a tail, fins, and a small set of gills

he has a longer tongue, for starters. throws him off a lot when he first transforms because he has to curl the end of it in his mouth and it feels weird to him

but for this? oh goddesses he is so in love with having a longer tongue

compared to giving you oral when he's hylian, he can just get more of you like this. taste more of you

its horribly arousing to him

more little changes include his teeth

mers live off of seafood, and so i say that link probably has slightly sharper canines in this form

nothing drastic, and honestly even during his journey it took him a while to realize

he likes nipping your thighs a lot.

mouth latched over your skin, tongue pressed flat, and teeth digging in gently

sharper nails, so when he inevitably grabs your legs or hips, his nails dig in a bit too

he's not a rough lover by any means, despite what one might assume

he's careful and a bit shy, to be honest

he takes his goddamn TIME with this too

your thighs and the creases of your hip and legs will absolutely be covered in little hickeys, as long as you dont mind

as for actual sex when he's in his mer form, it's a bit odd

honestly who knows how it happened the first time, probably that weird in between time period where he didn't know how to tell you he was hylian

either way, he kind of loves it now

there's something so different about how sensitive his dick is in this form

there's a small slit in his tail where his dick comes out of, and the way the water is, the way you are.. yeah it does something to him and he doesn't really last all that long with you, like, ever

i don't think he'd care about how you guys go about it tooooo much

you want him on bottom? yeah sure, he'll lay there half soaking in the river while his tail twitches and he lets you do whatever the hell you please with him

you want him on top? he's all for that too, like...yeah of course hun.

you guys have found it is easiest, and most comfortable for him when he's in this form for you to sit in his lap and ride him

he's all soft and shaky with his moans, hands on your hips to help guide you

you guys are half situated in the water, his fins are completely spread out, twitching pointlessly as you take him and take him and take him

it's not like it's anything fast, even

no matter how desperate the two of you are, fast fucks and hurried, passionate sex is saved for when he's hylian and you guys can really go at it, no awkward struggling with body parts involved

so, it's always slow and soft when you guys have sex like this

the water drags at your legs, and it tires you so much quicker than out of the water

eventually he's pretty much completely lifting you and rocking you down onto him gently

it's hell on his near permanently sore body, but oh he adores the little noises you make

he's a big fan of praising you!

he definitely murmurs soft, gentle, near mindless praises at you as he helps you along

when he orgasms it's never all that obvious

like he's not a normally vocal man, and he isn't during sex either, but during sex while he's in his mer form??

yeah no, this guy is SO quiet

don't get me wrong, he will definitely moan, and make all SORTS of cut off little noises

he just doesn't want to risk dragging attention to you guys by any potentially passing travelers

anyway i also want to say this man is very weak for you and will almost always cum first

there's usually a discussion, before sex, about whether you want him to pull out or not, and all that

when he doesnt pull out, it's really hard to notice because he'll just keep guiding you along without even a stutter

and because you guys are in the water, and your legs are tired, and you love your boyfriend and are thus kind of busy kissing him in some way, you don't always realize until after you've orgasmed and he bases stopping off of your needs

overstimulation is even worse in this already overly sensitive form for him, so when he continues fucking you after he's orgasmed, one of the biggest tells is how his arms shake a bit, how much more he near whines, and how much he huffs out little pants into your neck and kisses

when he does pull out, it's much easier to notice since he has to lift you entirely off of him, cum, and then he'd probably ask you if you wanted him to continue like that or if you wanted him to make you cum on his tongue

if you want him to continue, he will

if you want him to lay you on the shoreline and get you to cum into his mouth, he will

if you've had enough and are good, even without an orgasm, he's content with that too

some other things?

he likes when you kiss his neck in hylian form, but it is so much more arousing in mer form

his gills are there, his way of breathing underwater, and they're SO fucking sensitive

your lips even just brushing against them is enough to have him bright red, pupils dilated

it has something to do with the merperson instincts he has, the vulnerability that comes with letting someones mouth - their teeth - so close to one of his two breathing points

all his fins are super sensitive too, and I say he probably has some on his arms to help with swimming

he's an entirely different species in this form, so it takes a bit of experimenting to find out how to touch his fins without it being too much for him

but once you do?

oh boy, he's a needy mess and he will 100% beg you for anything

one general thing - he's a switch, just dependent on how you want or need him to be, which bleeds over into his mer mindset as well

so even if he's a needy little mess, if you tell him you want him to take control suddenly, he'll probably just buffer for a moment before shrugging and going yeah, kay hun, and getting it on

he has things that are probably akin to heats, but only if he's consistently in his merform at least once a day so that his mer biology is able to settle and work out a time frame for it

Aftercare!

giving aftercare as a hylian and giving aftercare as a mer are two VERY different things for link

since 9/10 times you guys have sex with you riding him while he's a mer, the most common way for aftercare to go is this:

he'll have you cuddled up against him on his lap, one hand pressing firm, yet still gentle, shapes into your lower back and the other cupping the back of your head

if he didn't pull out, he'll end up slowly moving the hand from your lower back to your abdomen, massaging gently, before his hand moves entirely to gently clean you

if you make any indication you don't want him to do so for any reason he stops, no questions asked, and just holds you

big cuddler. like BIG cuddler

you guys are, unfortunately, still in a river though, which is guaranteed to get freezing (at least for you)

so he'll end up setting you on the shoreline at some point, gentle kisses pressed to your thighs again (he can not help himself)

he'll help you put on your clothes, and then you'll do one of two things

either you end up heading back inside the house, which means he pulls himself out of the water, returns to being a hylian, and lays on the shore for about five or so minutes while the pins in needles in his legs fade before he shoots inside to affectionately cuddle with you or.. well or, ykyk

you could ALSOOO end up throwing your feet into the river, shoes and socks off, and link will very happily settle his head into your lap

his cheek is all smooshed against your thigh, and your pants are definitely wet thanks to him, but he's all relaxed and happy.

if you ask him for anything, he will do his best to comply, but certain things he just needs to be hylian for in order to help care for you with.

when it comes to receiving aftercare, he's pretty easy and content with just being able to have his arms around you in some way.

maybe a drink of water, and this man WILL just duck his head to take a mouthful of water in

he's in his mer form, so he probably assumes that even if it'd make him sick in his hylian body, it's fine for his mer body

he's right about that much at least

but, yeah as long as he's able to hold you, he's pretty happy

if you try and take care of him in any way, he'll get all huffy about it, but his cheeks will probably flush a bit and he'll melt for you

yeah... yeah, i fear i definitely devolved and it wasnt JUST pure nsfw headcanons, so my apologies, oopsies!

honestly might just do smut in the future of mer leg and reader since half of this was vaguely sexual nonsense 💀

hope you enjoyed reading though! requests are open! :D

[ashprompts]

𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

a collection of sentence starters from dropout tv's game changer. feel free to alter pronouns/text as you see fit

“I’ve been here THE WHOLE TIME”

“It’s hard to hold this much anger in my body.” 

“If you never hear from me again, you know what to do!.”

“If they don’t find me it’s because I was chopped up and fed to the pigs!”

“I SOLVED YOUR LABYRINTH, PUZZLEMASTER. THE MINOTAUR’S ESCAPED, AND YOU’RE GONNA GET THE HORNS, BUDDY”

“I. CANNOT. WIN!!!!”

“A lot of people have been saying that ___ is a singularly evil, wildly incompetent, befuddled nepo baby silver spoon motherfucker. This is what people are saying.” 

“If you can do ONE swing on the swing I will let you play with all the math puzzles that you want” 

“You’re not getting a FUCKING JOKE OUT OF ME until you let me out of this room! You want bits?! You let me out of this room for bits, motherfucker!”

“Are we gonna die before we get outta here?” 

“I’m gonna lose so fucking hard it’s gonna blow your fucking mind”

“But in this sick rodeo, this bizarre fucked up clown festival, we’re here celebrating what I can only describe as the sickness at the core of America.” 

“Give me the assignment and I don’t miss. I’m gonna DIE before this is over.”

“Your tower’s gonna fall. Laugh it up now.” 

“A river of sweat is running down my back right now.”

“I do hate zombies and I will have nightmares about this tonight. But in this moment I just feel like I’m surrounded by friends.” 

“We don’t give a cum.”

“If you’re in a hole, DYING. I WON’T BE THERE.”

“I showed them my feet, [name]! I SHOWED THEM MY FEET FOR NOTHING?”

“Stop shaking your cock in the middle of a fucking huddle, dude!”

“I’d fuck that pie.”

“If you’re like me, you eat a lot of ass.”

“I hate capitalism but I also hate losing.”

“I get my tongue so far up somebody it’s like I’m tasting their tonsils. I get so deep in there I’m gonna burn myself with stomach acid.”

“I like perching like a little bisexual gargoyle”

“If you were performing on a subway I would take money away from you.”

“I’VE ONLY JUST BEGUN TO PULL THE THREAD ON THIS SWEATER.”

“Icarus flying too close to the sun, but it seems Daedalus our little mastercrafter over here had some WAX WINGS OF HIS OWN, didn’t he? Wanted to see his son fall, faaaalll from the sky, OH HOW CLOSE TO THE SUN HE FLEW”

“Hey can I get an ah? … Don’t scream at me.” 

“You kinda have the vibe that your kids call you by your first name.”

“The day I DON’T curse when a body falls from the sky, call somebody.”

“Could I place an order? I’m hungie. What do you think would be the best pizza to order if I’m quite hungie? Um, I like cheese, what is your largest pizza? Yeah let’s get an extra large because I’m hungie. I’m hungie, I’m hungie, I’m hungie.” 

“WE ARE NOT ANIMALS!!!”

“So long as I am on this stage and drawing breath, you can good and goddamn believe I’ll be trying my best in every challenge.”

“Was it bad that we just started smashing shit?” 

“You didn't count on INGENUITY did you motherfucker?!”

“FIGHT THE BOURGEOISIE. I WILL VENMO YOU $20.” 

“This could be hell. This is very Satre-esque.”

“YOU ARE NOT GOD. THE MACHINE IS GOD.”

“Can you tell us why you’d do this to us?”

“I won’t be made a fool”

“I do feel like I’m in a nightmare”

“I’m the only one OUT of the loop it seems”

“Everybody do the wenis! The wenis is a dance! Everybody is a genius! Who knows it in advance!” 

"DANCE IS A SIN!"

"You think I'm gonna fucking roll over?!"

"It'll be a COLD DAY IN HELL when I go out like a fucking chump!"

"I don't care about winning, I just don't wanna lose"

[dr5amatic]

THE ADVENTURE BEGINS ,

a sentence starter prompts list comprised of quotes from the d&d actual play fantasy high from dimension 20. please be advised that this list may involve topics including, but not limited to, murder, death, violence, and religion. change verbiage as needed.

she can’t have been that good an oracle if she didn’t see the storm coming

why would it be impractical to fight with a two foot diameter orb?

i don’t have a lot of friends even though i’m pretty social so that’s weird. 

it’s not great that you’re doing this. 

i can be your man on the inside. 

why am i encouraging this? don’t do this.

try and tell me even one good bard that learned how to bard in school!

i’ve got a song called “my dad is a demon but he’s also a deadbeat.”

do you want this metal flower?

a hero is someone with the strength of heart, courage of spirit, and the might of will to go to strange lands and enact violence on things there. 

a hero is a violent wanderer who enacts their will bloodily and with strange magicks upon the world. 

does a hero truly stand alone?

the strength of the hero is the strength of the party. 

never forget that the greatest magic of all is chronomancy, the magic of time. 

where i’m from is the same place i’m going, buddy. nowhere. 

god, i’m just like jesus!

you’re just another maternal figure that has let me down. 

i am hashtag blessed. 

it’s not your time. you have more work to do. 

i met god and it was really disappointing. 

you gotta not touch the body!

oh, don’t be spiteful!

i’ll put you in the ground before i let you kill me. 

what do you think about rage?

i’m sorry, you’re a little freak and i love it. 

i’m really mad but that’s okay because this song is about being mad and that being fine. 

as the poets say, the heart wants what looks good. 

there is no one in this world more important than you. 

i actually met god and he sucked. 

dude, i think your mom’s bi. 

there is one law and only one law: the law of the blade. 

now why did you draw steel last night?

your objective was to draw weaponry until it got less scary?

i have no use for dead men, only men that can make me richer. 

i fear no one. 

death, to me, is nothing more than a joke. when the time comes, i will jump into hell and kill the devil. 

my dad is so metal. 

are you starting a religion?

did you kill something with a ladle?

who can truly know what lives in the heart of another?

i need three cc’s of coffee!

you know, kindness begets kindness. 

there’s no god. there’s no devil. 

wind chimes are fucking annoying. 

plant some trees or some shit. 

if you’re not playing for your own team, how can you expect anyone else to?

the time is coming and it’s worse than you think. 

maybe i should hit people more. 

you and i were raised very differently and i’m realizing that now. 

we are not going to get our security deposit back. 

you have a ton of work ahead of you that in a more just world you wouldn’t have to do. 

so i think i maybe accidentally started a war. 

be careful on ships because when shit goes sideways there’s nowhere to go. it’s just ocean. 

when push comes to shove, i imagine you’ll make the selfish choice. 

i’m glad you’re alive. 

you always got to be kind, you always got to try your best, and there is no sense in being a fucking pushover. 

you have to fucking pull yourself together. 

fuck. i should’ve killed that dude. 

quit it, dad!

the only thing special about you is that some god decided you were special randomly!

you’re not clever enough for the library, and you’re not brave enough for the world.

your father’s more man than you’ll ever be.

so unlovable that your father would rather go to hell than stay with you.

you might have a jail cell waiting for you.

it’s really bad!

having panic attacks is not a character flaw. you are not a coward, you have a goddamn medical condition. 

i came here to fuck shit up and help children. 

did you kill god?

recreation is the highest form of self-medication. 

the heart and soul of magic is having a good time. 

so you’re a god now?

bad things happen to good people because things happen all the time and it’s up to the people to determine whether they are bad or good. 

in the same way that your heart feels and your mind thinks, you mortal beings are the instrument by which the universe cares. 

if you choose to care, the universe cares. 

what is a god worthy of worship?

i had a whole plan! i did everything right!

everything in this world is bullshit, but understanding how is the key. 

[j-l-kepler]

BG3 In-game Models vs How I Draw Them

def late for this neat blink-and-you'll-miss-it trend, but whatever, work keeps me too busy to draw for myself these days and imma do whatever i want yippeeeeee

i'm definitely going to have to start this save AGAIN when patch 8 inevitably obliterates all of my saves due to corrupting my mods again but c'est la vie, the world's slowest and laziest gamer will eventually beat this goddamn game. and i will do it with my 3-man no-starter-companions run!!!!

also everybody please acknowledge Bagel the Crow

please

character descriptions below if ya interested

i know those who know of my tavs prefer the markolac twins but this is my current fave save (i'm even writing a way-too-lengthy novelization of the playthrough focusing on their perspectives). In order I've got:

Dark Urge - Dark Urge character (duh), Dragonborn Storm Sorcerer Though he calls himself the Dark Urge, Briar calls him Whitey while Dyven calls him Frostbite. He's stoic and rather withdrawn, but well-spoken with quietly expensive tastes. He says very little, but what he does say can be a little pretentious and surprisingly verbose. As expected, he's quick to annoy, and often seethes with frustration. He's also somewhat infatuated with Briar because of the unique bond they've built through their experiences. His subconscious weeps for murder and calls him to spill blood, but his disconnect from these urges cause him to reject them in every way he can. That being said, he is also the most willing to get his hands dirty to feed the urge in small ways. He will never let himself take another innocent life, but the urge hopes otherwise. He's very observant of the goings-ons around him, but he's actually pretty terrible at remembering names and faces. Though he knows he is from Baldur's Gate, he couldn't tell you a thing about it.

Briar Lockren - Tav character, Half-drow Gloomstalker Ranger (and Bagel the Crow) Cursed to cause supernatural levels of misfortune and horrible nightmares of the one who cursed her, Briar's a surprisingly cool-headed and kind person (probably on account of the extreme sleep-deprivation). She works hard to stay positive despite her circumstances and protect people from monsters and her own bad luck. She's also rarely phased by things, having seen some crazy shit due to her curse and also because she's not usually conscious enough to process the severity of what's happening. Her heritage is only really noticed by drow or people who know her parentage (with only the white flecks and her slightly discolored skin acting as proof of her drow lineage), and otherwise her terrible luck is the only thing that keeps people at a distance. She's too willing to put herself in harm's way, though the tadpoles seem to have cut her off from the effects of her curse. She's also very likely to fire off a round of perfectly-aimed arrows and then immediately turn around and walk into a pole she was warned several times was right behind her. She's originally from Luskan, but has been to many places on the Sword Coast and has settled in Cloakwood recently.

Dyven Courten - Hireling Character, Zariel Tiefling Life Cleric of Ilmater Dyven's middle aged life was cut short when he was tadpoled and then cut down while serving the Absolute. Furious at the cult for taking away the life he'd struggled so hard to find meaning and contentment in, Dyven was all too happy to accept the call to assist in taking down the Absolute. Though he has the disposition necessary for a healer as himself, he's a bit of a rotten priest, often causing trouble: poking his nose into others' business, skimming off of offerings to the church, and generally acting impiously. He's fiercely paternal of Briar and even the Dark Urge, having failed his own estranged daughter in the dark times before he found purpose under Ilmater. He's keenly aware that he won't be going back to a normal life after the Absolute is defeated, but he's long-since given up on only living for himself. He'll drink and steal and see whose age-appropriate pants he can get into along the way, sure. And yet, he's giving this mission everything he's got despite his proclivities. He hails from Rivington, and he's understandably nervous to see his friends at the Church of Ilmater one final time.

--

tee heeeeee im having a lot of fun novelizing their story, even if it's taking forever, keeping me from playing, and also really not working with my strengths (my style works better for visual novels bc i can do a lot of showing AND telling - novels are fuckin hard, man)

the party's basically The Most Socially Awkward Angst Machine, The World's Sleepiest Idiot Savant, and A Chronically Divorced Corpse

no wonder i havent beat the game yet, theres no way the world's resting on these fucking idiots

[arpmemething2]

The Last of Us sentence starters

Taken from both the TV show and all video games. Send one for my muse's response. Feel free to change pronouns as needed.

"I've struggled a long time with survivin', but no matter what you have to find something to fight for"

“So you went from teacher to preacher; because what? It fuckin' rhymes?”

“You can't stop this.”

"You live in a broken world that you could have saved."

"That is... a hat on a dinosaur."

"There are a million ways we should’ve died before today, and a million ways we can die before tomorrow."

“Fuck Seattle.”

“But she gets to live...”

"I would do it all over again."

"That's gotta be hard. Leaving all of your stuff behind like that."

"Now get the fuck out of my town."

"We let you both live and you wasted it."

"To the edge of the universe and back, endure and survive..."

"It's called luck and it's gonna to run out."

"Everyone I have cared for has either died, or left me. Everyone ... fucking except for you! So don't tell me that I would be safer with someone else, because the truth is I would just be more scared."

"The only people who betray us are the ones we trust."

“Hello? Anyone? Cure for mankind here!”

"I don't ever want to see your goddamn face again."

“I can make it quick or I can make it so much worse.”

"I was never afraid before you showed up"

"I walked in to my sister's room and slipped on her bra. It was a booby trap."

"After years of wandering in circles, we’re about to come home, make a difference, and bring the human race back into control of its own destiny."

"It wasn't time that did it."

"Every bad feeling… Your palms sweating, your heart racing… They're all signs you're actually stronger."

"Light on the reading, but it has some good photos."

"That was lame. You're lame."

"Those were your fucking people!"

"Go. Just take him."

"Well, here's your chance to bring your kid into a better world."

"Hearing them talk, it's good to know they're scared of you."

"A bad reputation doesn't mean you're bad."

"I was supposed to die in that hospital."

"I swear."

"Endure and survive."

"If I were ever to lose you, I'd surely lose myself."

"I mean it's why you took off on me, right? To make up for the things we did."

“I'm just a girl. Not a threat.”

"You'd just after her."

"You have no idea what loss is."

"If you lie to me one more time, I'm gone."

"I'm sorry for getting older faster than you."

"Our luck had to run out sooner or later."

"I had a sixty-foot yacht."

"We're not murderers. We just survive."

"I guess you can't outrun your past"

"You mattered to me first."

"Okay, one more. What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a mad cow? An animal that's in a baaaa-ad mooooo-ood."

"Well, maybe in all that research they turned into fucking monkeys."

"Once upon a time, I had somebody that I cared about. It was a partner. Somebody I had to look after. And in this world, that sort of shit's good for one thing: Gettin' ya killed."

"Bomb this city and everyone in it."

"Why are these pages stuck together?"

"It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery."

"I got you."

"No, fuck you! You handcuffed me!"

"I dreamt about flying the other night."

"I've lost something. I'm failing in my sleep."

"I think they should be terrified of you."

"All the promises at sundown. I meant them like the rest."

"Think I'd let you do this on your own?"

"And just so we’re clear about back there, it was either him or me "

"Lets wait it out. You know we....we can be all poetic and lose our minds together."

"So... why don't you fix one these cars?"

"People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow... Too soon."

“Maybe you should have.”

“You took that from me.”

"What is the downside to eating a clock?"

"Holy moly. I guess this is what these buildings look like up close. They're so damn tall! So, what happened here?"

"You think I can still handle things, but I'm not who I was."

"I believe that everything happens for a reason."

"Why don't you say whatever speech you have rehearsed and get this over with."

"Just one peaceful night; a clean conscience…all gone…"

"Drugs. I see hardcore drugs."

"Let's see, scorpions are pretty creepy. Ummm, being by myself. I'm scared of ending up alone. What about you?"

"I don't want to be a burden."

"I don't want to lose you."

"What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, you idiot!"

"I'll make her pay."

"I'm gonna find... and I'm gonna kill... every last one of them."

"My friends' problem are my problems."

“It's called a hatosaur.”

"I got one for you. What's the quietest animal on a farm? A Shhhhhh-eeep. When you're older, you're going to have a deep appreciation for these jokes."

"Save who you can."

"I worry. Just... let me see her. Please."

"Whoa! How the - how the hell would you even walk around with that thing?"

"Arby's didn't give free lunches."

"You're such an asshole!"

"You're lucky you're still drawing breath! That was plan A, B, all the way to fucking Z!"

"I don't think I can ever forgive you for that."

"You don't think he got what he deserved?"

"Well, you're a burden now, aren't you?"

"We lose"

“’80s means trouble. Code broken.”

"Yeah, well try not to let your guard down."

"After all we've been through. Everything that I've done. It can't be for nothing."

"That ain't the hard part."

"We did those things. And they weren't things. We murdered people."

"What you say goes."

"We've got a family now. She doesn't get to be more important than that."

[andismemestash]

Marianas Trench Ever After lyric starters - other Marianas Trench album starters

“Don’t pull away from me now.”

“Can’t you stay where you are, just for now?”

“Apologies, I’m not myself.”

“Don’t wanna think about it.”

“Now stand back up and be a man about it and fight for something.”

“I’m just suggesting you and I might not be the best thing.”

“If you leave now, I’ll come back and haunt you.”

“We just got the start wrong.”

“If you want me, I’ll come back and meet you.”

“I just wish we could go back one more time and begin it.”

“Don’t you need it? Don’t you want this at all?”

“I’m just suggesting you and I might just be the best thing.”

“How’ve you been? Can I come in?”

“Just came to get my things and then I guess I’m leaving.”

“It’s only temporary.”

“I’ve been taking you for granted.”

“I thought you’d feel the same as me.”

“For now can we just both pretend to sleep?”

“Sometimes the one you want is not the one you need.”

“What goes around don’t come around.”

“You should know me by now.”

“You should keep the apartment, so here’s my keys, changed all the bills.”

“You’ve been taking me for granted.”

“You don’t gotta worry about us.”

“Let me show you it’d be so, so, so nice to know you.”

“Do you see what I do?”

“You don’t need to be so worried.”

“After all, we’re all friends here.”

“These desperate times call for desperate measures.”

“For a first effort this feels kinda last ditch.”

“I got you right where I want you.”

“I’ve been pushing for this for so long.”

“Kiss me, just once, for luck.”

“Yeah, well, payback is a motherfucker.”

“Forever, for worse or for better.”

“My poor heart will only surrender now.”

“You thought by now you’d have it figured out.”

“It’s alright if you don’t know what you need.”

“I’m right here when you need someone.”

“When your heart releases, you won’t fall to pieces.”

“Everything reminds me of you.”

“It’s easy to say it’s for the best.”

“I know you’re fine, but what do I do?”

“I’m on the ledge while you’re so goddamn polite and composed.”

“Don’t tell me to fight for you, after this long I shouldn’t have to.”

“I’m awake and trying while you’re sleeping like a babe beside him.”

“I know I never make this easy.”

“It’s easier to disappear.”

“I just can’t stand leaving you alone tonight.”

“For the life of me, I don’t know why it took me so long to see.”

“Here I am, you can take or leave me.”

“Don’t fail me now.”

“Don’t you want love?”

“I deserve a little more, wouldn’t you say?”

“Don’t you think I deserve better after all that we’ve been through?”

“Don’t you look so shocked, it’s not the way I planned it.”

“Don’t you fight back, this’ll hurt a little less if you just submit.”

“They don’t know you, not like I do.”

“One day you will learn to love me.”

“If I can’t have you, no one can.”

“I’ll never tell how I fell for it.”

“You say you want someone just like me, so why am I your plan B?”

“You know you love the way I linger.”

“Sometimes, it’s like I hardly know you.”

“That don’t mean I don’t think about you.”

“I don’t wanna see you happier with somebody else.”

“Why can’t you just be lonely?”

“This just feels so soon.”

“Maybe I’m too proud to say I missed you.”

“It’s not so easy to wish you well and let you go.”

[chimchiri]

Poll Adventure: Rarijack Dinner

Index | [prev] - Part 02 - [next] Special thanks to @babydarkstar for major support with the writing

Previous Poll:

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Minutes pass and Applejack still has no idea what to say. She’s drafted a few starters, but none of them feel right, or even like something a normal person would say to initiate conversation.

[You. Me. Saturday. Dinner?-] Delete, delete, delete…  [Hey Rarity, do you have any pla-] Delete, delete, delete…  [So Big Mac’s plannin to smoke some BBQ this weeken-] Delete, delete, DELETE.

Frustration builds—right in her chest all the way up to her ears. She can’t find the right words, and she’s usually so good at that—in her own way. 

This should be easy! It’s not a profession of undying love. 

Yet progress is a stick in the mud when it comes to her feelings for Rarity.

The legs of the chair squeak across the worn hardwood as AJ gets up and starts pacing around the kitchen, talking to herself. She takes her hat off, ruffs her fingers through her bangs, puts her hat back, runs a hand down her face. A huge, frustrated sigh escapes her when she throws her hands up.

“It’s Rarity. How goddamn hard can it be to ask her for somethin’?!”

That’s it. 

Tired of her own inaction, she slams her thumb on the call button.

Ring…

…ring…

With each ring the reality of her actions washes over her, and by the third ring she is fully aware of what she’s about to do. Her frustration morphs into panic and doubt, soaking her in dread. 

Is she actually doing this? Like…following through instead of letting her ideas fizzle out? 

This is happening, the phone is ringing, it’s sending the signal to Rarity’s device and she’s gonna grab it and answer and—

No, it’s too soon, they’ve only known each other for forever—

Before she can cancel the call, she hears a click—

“Applejack, darling!”

AJ’s gut leaps at the sound of that silky voice, clear elation in its tone and excitement at the chance to answer her call.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?”

AJ can feel her heart pounding up to her throat. Why is her mouth so dry all of a sudden? 

“Uhhh…howdy.”

Not her brightest greeting, but this isn’t the first time she’s acted without thinking it through. She doesn’t even know where to start.

The weight of reality makes her feel awkward, like a bull in a china shop. Too big for her britches indeed.

Silence rings in her ears.

Why is she freezing up at a time like this?

“Applejack…? Are you still there?” chimes Rarity on the other line, but she might as well be talking to a brick wall. 

It takes a few seconds of blank thought before AJ realizes it’s her turn to speak. 

“Agh! Sorry, I just—I thought I’d give you a call. See how you’re doing…make sure you—and the business o’course—make sure it’s goin’ ok and whatnot.”

She wants to smack herself upside the head. 

The business?

If she could go dig a hole outside and lay in it while the seasons change, she would; but she’s got a family to take care of and a farm to run. Surely this isn’t the worst moment of her life. Surely. But she doesn’t need to see Rarity’s face to feel the effect of her clunky greeting.

This is not like her. This is getting worse by the second, she doesn’t have a clue what to say, and she’s kicking herself for even calling. 

Why can’t she have even an ounce of the romantic charm that her parents had? Why is she so bad at flirting, especially when it comes to Rarity? When she tries to be intentional, it’s like she doesn’t know up from down; she stutters and fumbles like a bumbling buffoon. All this romance stuff seems so easy when she doesn’t care.

After a moment she hears Rarity give a little laugh, a sound like a sparkling stream running through fields of green. It makes AJ’s knees weak, a one-two punch to her joints. Elegance, grace, poise. When Rarity laughs, it’s flower petals dancing in the breeze; it’s birds chirping after a summer rain; it’s the shimmer of quartz shining in a dusty path.

“Oh, I’m spectacular, darling. Just putting the final touches on some designs for next month. I’m confident about my next line, but as always—I have too many ideas. You know me.”

AJ grins at that. “Yeah, I do. Knowin’ you, you’ve got at least a dozen too many.”

The chaotic, unrelenting artist inside Rarity used to annoy the hell outta AJ when they first met. Now she can’t help but find it endearing.

“Quiet, you,” Rarity says coyly, and AJ can hear the smile in her voice before she switches the topic, “How’ve you been, darling? You sound positively stressed.”

There it is again. The feeling of her nerves tying themselves to knots.

“I…uh…I’m doin’ fine. I just-”

“Is everything alright, dear? Anything I can do? I’m glad to offer my assistance—though nothing that could ruin my manicure; I just got a fresh coat. It’s a new formula…supposed to be hard as diamonds. Of course, I don’t believe such ridiculous claims until I try it myself…though I’d hate to push them too hard after I just had them done—Oh, but darling, please. Do tell me if everything is okay with you…?” Despite her rambling, Rarity sounds concerned. Great. And normally AJ would roll her eyes at the manicure excuse, but her nerves are shot, and that’s NOT what this is about.

“No! I mean—yes…I’m alright. Just—you know how it is. Farm and all. Exhausted,” AJ tries to give a lame excuse, though she can hear her voice break in between, and prays Rarity won’t notice. She clears her throat.

With the way it’s pounding between her own ears, AJ’s sure everyone and their mother can hear her heart beating in her chest, running like a wild horse. But that’s just what Rarity does to her.

“Oh, I do know, darling. Work can be a chore, especially for you. Ooh, we should go to the spa—it has been far too long since you spent a day pampering yourself! They have a new treatment that I just know you’ll love...”

“Yeah…yeah, that sounds nice,” AJ says distractedly, chewing on her thumb as Rarity raves about the newest spa services.

She’s blowing it.

She’s. Blowing. It.

Partly because now, she’s thinking about all that beautiful, smooth, creamy skin put on display next to her at the spa, all while she tries not to stare too much or say something stupid. It’s hard for AJ to admit to herself that part of the reason she finally took Rarity’s initial offer of a spa day was because of the promise of seeing her in way less clothing than usual. She got used to it eventually, but—did she really? Is it ever boring to see Rarity, in all her grace and glory, wrapped in nothing more than a towel? She’s all soft curves, and smooth skin, and pretty hair piled up on her head and held together with a big clip. With her hair up like that, it’s easier to see the cute little mole on the curve of her neck, one she probably forgets she even has. If AJ could, she’d lean over and press a kiss right there, feel her tremble under her lips—

“…but Applejack, really—are you alright? You don’t sound a bit like your usual sunny self.”

Fuck. Okay. Moment of truth. C’mon AJ. Stop stalling. Stop fantasizing when you could have it for real.

“Rarity, I’m callin’ ‘cause I—…well, I—“

AJ could ask her for a date, plain and simple. Which would almost surely be a confession. Something about dressing nice and holding doors (which she does anyways). It’s the most unambiguous choice for sure, but…is that what she wants? She’s never been in this situation before, wanting to change the dynamic between her and a close friend to something closer to the heart. She values her dynamic with Rarity, whether it’s romantic or not.

AJ could also just ask if Rarity wants to have dinner, no mention of a date in sight. There’s no obligation there, no real pressure to “get it right.” She knows she’s playing it safe this way, but maybe she should test the waters and make sure she doesn’t completely ruin her friendship with Rarity by confessing right away.

Either way, this means too much for her to blow it off again. She has to decide now.

Tag List: @mrrrpmeow @babydarkstar

[goodnightmemes]

LONGLEGS (2024) SENTENCE STARTERS

❛ There she is, the Almost Birthday Girl. ❜

❛ That kid smelled like narcotics. ❜

❛ Just relax. I'll go take a look. All right? ❜

❛ Half-psychic is better than not psychic at all, I'd say. ❜

❛ You can read about it in the file. ❜

❛ I'm telling you, she's not ready for this. ❜

❛ It's hard to explain. It's like something tapping me on the shoulder, telling me where to look. ❜

❛ Anything like that ever happen to you before? ❜

❛ Well, maybe we'll just call you "highly intuitive". ❜

❛ You know, there's such a thing as looking too long. ❜

❛ I must have lost track of time. ❜

❛ You didn't call to say goodnight. ❜

❛ Even veals grow a little. ❜

❛ Is it scary being a lady FBI agent? ❜

❛ Do you have to let the phone ring so long? ❜

❛ I'm okay. I just can't sleep. A lot on my mind. ❜

❛ Somebody's birthday's coming up. ❜

❛ Still your only daughter. ❜

❛ I don't think the Bureau has a division for nice things. ❜

❛ Are you still saying your prayers? ❜

❛ Xs mark the spot. ❜

❛ I know you're not afraid of a little bit of dark...because you are the dark. ❜

❛ I don't know what that was supposed to be. ❜

❛ I've seen you before, ain't I? ❜

❛ Gosh, I don't ever wanna forget him. ❜

❛ If'n he told me to kill you right-right here in this room with my bare hand, I'd surely do. ❜

❛ Just happy as peaches to watch your heavy heart go pop-pop, and your eyeses to go all to blood. ❜

❛ Yeah, that couldn't be anything but a coincidence. ❜

❛ [name] is just a man, not a witch doctor. ❜

❛ What aren't you telling me? ❜

❛ I never said my prayers, never once. They scared me. ❜

❛ All our prayers don't help us. Prayers don't do a goddamn thing. ❜

❛ I can't believe it's gonna be your birthday again so soon. ❜

❛ What a day that was. I bled...bled... bled...bled… ❜

❛ No one ever came to visit us. Not any family. No strangers. No big, bad wolves. No anybody. ❜

❛ But these are things a little girl shouldn't know. ❜

❛ I'm not a child anymore. ❜

❛ You're not a child because you were allowed to grow up. ❜

❛ This is a cruel world. Especially for the little things. Not all of them are allowed to live. ❜

❛ I might have forgotten everything I possibly could, for both of our sakes, but I never threw anything away. ❜

❛ You really don't remember this guy? ❜

❛ You sure you wanna start a manhunt with this? ❜

❛ I mean, he worships the Devil, that's for sure, but in the United States of America, he's allowed to do that. ❜

❛ I'm more concerned about the fact that he knows who you are. ❜

❛ He's downstairs. Right under your feet. ❜

❛ I'm a friend of a friend. ❜

❛ We had such a big laugh about it. Although, it was only me who laughed, not she.❜

❛ You don't work alone, do you? Someone's been helping you. ❜

❛ I knew then that the work we were doing was immaculate. ❜

❛ But your work's over. It's done, and you're gonna be in here for the rest of your life. ❜

❛ Well...I'll let you get started now. ❜

❛ Hail Satan. ❜

❛ We had the guy, and now we got nothing! ❜

❛ You didn't have to come with me. ❜

❛ I wasn't gonna let you drive after what you saw today. ❜

❛ It's okay. It's...it's done now. ❜

❛ You could've made nice with me, but you didn't...and now that has led to all of this. ❜

❛ That was the deal that she made. ❜

❛ Why are you doing this? ❜

❛ If they don't die, then we will burn...and twist, and burn, and twist, in hell, forever and ever. ❜

❛ I'm doing this for you just like I've always done. ❜

[gamerdog1]

Deadpool and Wolverine Review

If third time's the charm, Deadpool is the whole goddamn bracelet. I kinda grew up alongside the Deadpool movies. I saw the first one at overnight camp at 16, then saw the second in theaters at 18. Now, at 23, I feel like I've grown as a person, which means I can actually articulate how I feel about these films (though specifically, the newest one). I guess that whole 'wisdom comes with age' thing was right after all.

For starters, Ryan Reynolds absolutely kills it. I know the phrase 'born to play this character' is thrown around a lot, but it really fits here with him. Reynolds once again is a delight as Deadpool, with all his usual snark, pizazz, and heartfelt moments. He's always on point, either with a quick jab at another character, comical reactions, or his character's usual fourth-wall breaks.

He isn't always all happy-go lucky, though. The film, like the previous 2, has a story beyond gratuitous violence, one that centers on Wade Wilson's sense of inadequacy in comparison to other famous heroes. We see how his life has changed since the previous film (go watch that before this, it will not make sense otherwise), both for better and for worse, and watch him continue to grow as a person in a satisfying way. That, I believe, is what separates these movies from other ultra-violent movies of its type: that there is an emotionally-driven story, and it remains important beyond getting characters from setpiece to setpiece.

Though, that's not to say that this is some deep philosophical mediation on the character. Fear not, there's still as much, if not more, violent fight scenes and action here like the previous movies. After all, what would a Deadpool movie be without a few dozen (read: thousand) bad guys to kill, in creative and gorey ways? This film ups the ante, by giving more interesting fight scenes that revolve around different set ups (tower defense, 1v1 in a car, etc) to keep everything visually fresh.

There's never a dull moment in this film. Heart-to-hearts are full of little sneaky one-liners that take a minute to register. Tension between the two leads is thick enough to see, let alone cut with a knife. And all the while, the film keeps bringing in new reveals, fully using the 20th Century Fox backlog of C-listers to call back to this franchise's history, and keep them from fully being forgotten. Add that, with an army of multiverse Deadpools, and you've got yourself a film that even non-comic book nerds like me gush over.

Above all this, beyond the not-quite-irritating-like-most use of the multiverse, or the hundreds of liters of CGI blood shed, this movie did something so profound, I'm still reeling. It made me love Wolverine.

Growing up, Logan always felt like a gross old man type of character. The kind who pressures you to drink at a young age, and owns at least 20 guns that he refuses to part with. Any portrayal of his animal-ness always felt like lip service. But here... its like I've met him for the first time, and now I'm obsessed.

Hugh Jackman has practically been playing this character since I was born, but only here do I really feel like we get to meet Wolverine in full. No longer is he that hunched-over, stoic gruff weirdo that X-Men have around, now he's a deeply emotional character with valid reasoning behind it, and strong motivations. We are finally in an era where tough guy characters are being done justice and allowed to have emotions, and it is glorious.

X-Men Apocalypse gave us a taste of what he could do, but putting Wolverine in an R-Rated movie was the best decision anyone could have ever made. His animal fury is on full display here, and with a higher age rating, ever stab and slice is shown in bloody, glorious detail. Pairing him with another character who can take hits and survive, like Deadpool, was a match made in heaven.

The two are perfect foils, playing off each other in such a satisfying way that had me disappointed when it was all over. Deadpool has worked with bigger, tougher guys in the past, but Wolverine's short temper and guardedness go well with Deadpool's silly, jokester persona. Platonically, romantically, sexually, I don't care. They're meant for each other.

Above all, Deadpool and Wolverine is a loving send off to the studio that made the X-Men film franchise. Its a culmination of all the passion and hard work that went into those movies, and stands as a testament to how far we've come since the first X-Men hit theaters over 2 decades ago. With a film like this as a sample of what's in the future, we won't have anything to fear.

[fea-resources]

Best Unhinged Commentary As RP Starters Pt.2

Why do you eat so many bullets?

Oh man, I didn't mean to use my grenade like that but that sure happened.

"Don't let him near you." ...proceeds to practically makes out with the damn thing.

Someone needs to teach that purple smurf that No means No.

_____'s fine. Her breasts make for some hella fine armor. She's so padded a bullet could just hit them tits and lose all velocity entirely.

Death By Tree Sap.

I need me a pair of jeans that are as durable as ______'s.

Oh I don't think I like this spot. I remember this spot. This is not a spot I like.

Its a nice place to die, to be fair. I would fight you for this quality grave.

No, that's a bad. Oh god, that's a double bad.

FUCK UP SHIT, WAY TO FUCK UP YOUR AIM.

ITS TIME TO SLAM -- AND WELCOME THE JAM.

...and I wonder why my family hates me. Making shitty commentary on everything.

Can Ms. Tits actually kill anything or are they just comfort back-up so you don't feel so alone?

I am very bothered by how steady they are standing in that water.

The fuck kind of sniper wags his gun around like that. Is he fapping? Fap sniping.

YOU ASK FOR MY OPINION AND THEN YOU SPIT ON IT. HOW DARE.

This is why you should have taken the dragon sniper.

Oh I'm here already? ...Oh god I'm here already.

Just sit back, relax, pick your nose, eat some freetos, and let _______ do the work.

Here let me just dance a bit before I die.

I should hope so, he took Ballet.

Its weird being ace because I can't even be positive how serious I am about some things. Like... do I really like guns and knives, or am I into THAT? I just don't know.

Oh hi, sorry I didn't greet you, I was in the middle of dying.

Death... dying deader.

He's such a graceful dancer though. I wish I had his moves.

He got them moves like Jaeger. The jump and flop.

There was this one time where ______ got stuck between these two wires and looked like he was vibrating faster than the speed of sound. Ask _____, they can tell you.

VIBRATING ______. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. I WEEP.

Oh... so licking the resin would have been a terrible idea.

Its fine. Her titties protected her.

There is no god here.

I SCREAMED FOR YOU. I SCREAMED FOR YOU THAT TIME. SWEET FUCK. STRANGER DANGER.

Where does he keep getting all those grenades?

From his asshole. Why do you think he's so uptight?

Just fucking somersault to your doom.

You know, he says he's going to crush _____, but... filling someone full of shotgun isn't crushing. I demand to be crushed by your Russian gorilla arms. This is bullshit.

NO, NOT MS. THICC. THE WORLD IS WORTHLESS WITHOUT THAT ASS.

Look what you did. Everything you fucking touch.

I don't know about you but... carrying people doesn't work that way, no matter how ripped you are. It's a pain in the goddamn dick.

She's ascended to titty heaven. At least her tits have, I am sure of this.

That guy can get fucked 365 ways to next year with a cactus.

I hate his hair, therefore I hate him.

I don't judge people based on many things, but if your hair sucks... you probably suck as a person. And if you got no hair, I'm on a fucking fence because I don't know what to think.

Its okay, ______ can just lay there for a while with his face in the floor.

You can't get me to eat after my own family, but I'll share a fucking blunt with three people I barely know. I disappoint myself.

Apparently there's a sandwich shop called Vore. Google it. VORE SANDWICH SHOP. Wait no. Hang on. Vore food truck.

Oh a knife, this changes things. Gut me baby one more time!

FUcking old people.

I LOST MY SHIT ON THE SPOT. AND I REALIZED WHY PEOPLE THINK I'M A STONER.

Did it moan at you?

I MOANED AT IT.

I was gonna buy this fucking root. It was only 98 cents but ______ was pissed at me because I was embarrassing her with a root.

Its _______. A much happier ________. Also a much taller ________.

RIP ________. Wait. I better not say that.

You'll find out who Furry McFuckGoat is.

I'm the reason _______ dies guys cuz I gave him hypothermia.

I Tarzan'd my ass right down the chasm.

Was that Furry McFuckgoat?

*sings* More water that's cold as Hell~ HYPOTHERMIA~!!

MEMO TO ME: DO NOT GO INTO THAT CORNER.

We can look at how weird they are-- ...okay, I'm gonna look at how weird they are by myself then.

...'til you died to dead.

________, its time for you to learn an important lesson on being a ______: Hardcore Parkour.

WOOOW okay, I don't know how that happened but I'm gonna take it.

RIP _________. May he forever grace the afterlife with his vibrating.

Furry McFuckGoat brought his friends.

Yank that motherfucker!

I-- somehow avoided that.

Wanna know what I did all day today? Too bad because I'm gonna tell you anyway.

HQ to ______ -- HQ to _______ -- we have lost contact.

Peek your head out. I'm pretty sure you're still alive.

FUCKING EAT IT, SHITHEAD.

Wow, that was a fucking wake-up call.

Thanks for the grenade, I need it a lot more than you.

Are those bullets? yeeeah. Are those grenades? YEEEAAAAH.

I think that was a kidney shot, I'm not 100% sure.

Watching ______ shoot people is like watching them play duck hunt. (Insert annoying dog laughter at every miss)

AAAAIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Its a tank, how scary can a cow on wheels be?

Hijack it. Hijack it and conquer your fears.

Dramatic ass death. Clutching his chest as if he just got dumped by his baby blue.

Oh, wanna know what I learned about myself yesterday? Too bad again because I'mma tell you anyway -- again.

How to kill an edgyboi trying to be an asshole in less than 3 seconds -- not take his insult as an insult.

We were beginning to think the 8 year old went feral and ate you.

Hey you never know. He might just do it one day. Children are statistically more likely to eat you than an adult.

The entire time they were eating your fucking organs everyone else would be saying "AWWWW SO CUTE".

C A R N A G E.

Married people are wild, man.

Dodged that by the hair of your balls.

Let me see if I can... shove you... BYYYEEE.

Don't be like fancy feet, be an elite.

Did we say rope? We meant hope, as in an intangible thing that doesn't exist.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO THROW MY GRENADE, WHAT.

The void appreciates your contribution.

I'M STILL SO MAD ABOUT THE FUCKING GRENADE.

Subtle? What's that. I don't know what that is. Not now, not ever.

The only thing subtle here is your ability to shoot everyone in the goddamn dick without even trying.

I will leave your aim out of this when you stop handing out dick shots like Halloween candy.

There was no reason for the yoink.

Drop down ______, Jesus, why did you have to be ExTRA.

Unfortunate. My jokes will be less appreciated due to ill timing now. Truly a tragedy in three parts. 

Everyone named ______ is Extra.

Today you taught that man an important lesson... a lesson in flight and physics. And that lesson is that people can't fly.

Long Time No Fuck My Life.

hSSSSSSSSSS.

I hate you for having that fucking good aim.

If I heard that in my last seconds of life, I would resurrect just long enough to kick them in the balls so goddamn hard they'd invert into a Y and never return to normal.

Mmmm gratuitous ass shot.

Where is the dragon sniper because I really, really, really would like to have it right now.

I wouldn't mind getting shot by you in real life as long as I got to hear some of this quality commentary before dying.

I think ______'s just a lil bitch and died of a splinter. Can take a hole in the liver but not a splinter. Anything but a splinter.

You said no -- but mommy said yes.

PLOT INCONVENIENCE.

Come on _______, squirrel your fucking way up there.

The amount of splinters...

Them pants are tighter than they are thicc.

YOU'RE ALWAYS SAYING YOU NEED A GRENADE, BUT WHEN THEY OFFER IT YOU'RE LIKE "Naaaaah".

(blu q. kazoo voice) SUSPICIOUUUUUSSS.

Hey ______... what brings you here... behind this crate?

The eight year old ate them.

Gonna replace the word bored with vored now just for the fuck of it.

Because that's average. Everyone expects "cock shot" but who's gonna see "shlort shot" coming?

I'm shlort sighted.

You killed me the last time and I did not appreciate that one bit.

If you're going to be launching 'nades, you gotta expect to get shot in the nads by the one and only Vibrating Nate.

I'd be vibrating too if I was being shot at all day, my fucking nerves would be fried.

I did not like that-- that was not cool.

I didn't see the rope and I thought you finally launched yourself. I was proud but also upset because that seemed like the most disappointing launch.

Can't believe I wanted to hang with someone who can't even appreciate Skyrim Shuffle. What a disappointment of a stoner.

New test on anyone who wants to be my friend -- has to appreciate the Skyrim Shuffle.

I wanna die that way. Just be staring into the void debating my life, then suddenly "Bye Bitch". I'd start laughing. I'd die laughing before I hit the ground.

I'd die laughing on a roller coaster if my organs weren't shoved into my throat.

Prepare to be Swiss'd.

Are you firing stink bombs?

Shot his ass off. Literally.

NOPE. Get shredded.

A WHITE PERSON WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE CHEESE? DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT BABYBEL IS.

Have you ever had double cream brie with black truffles? THEN GET OUT OF MY FACE, CHEESE HEATHEN.

That wasn't the ________ sound. That was the Furry McFuckGoat sound.

That's a god damn butt plug. A very sharp one.

Smooth things over with him via a shot in the back of his goddamn skull.

I slipped and it fell into the void. That's what you tell them.

I don't think they can use the void as an excuse.

We've established that he likes me better than you.

God that'd be a great way to go...  direct hit with an RPG. Just... feel something whack me in the back then KABOOSH.

Your bullet count was 69 there for a moment and that was pretty rad.

I'll boost you! Off the side of a fucking cliff.

Oh look -- its a life-sized statue of your ego.

Prepare yourself. You're about to get one of your many wishes.

Vore? Are you sure its not vore? That's a lot of mouths.

No its Furry McFuckGoat and his friends.

I'd SCREAM OF JOY IF MY THROAT WASN'T FUCKED.

You just got pounded by a furry. How you feel about that?

Just getting straight up gangbanged here.

I'd kill him so he didn't get the satisfaction of seeing it all. DIE, CURIOUS HOE.

I am a far bigger dick than the Russian.

Good aim for being stiff.

They're fucking dead and still better at aiming than you.

There's always time to sight-see, you stupid slut.

Catch me enjoying the scenery outside the vehicle of my killer's vehicle. Catch me asking if we can stop and get a slushie at this nice slushie stand before I die.

He's a Russian -- he's already immortal.

[ultimateplaylistmaker]

Ultimate Talent Development Plan - Makoto Naegi Event Notes

fkamfkjan of course it starts with him getting hit by a soda can

Wait what why are you here Kiyo, also Makoto called him Kiyo. Also what the fuck kind of metaphor is that, what are you thinking about with Makoto Korekiyo-

Alright fine you have a point Korekiyo

Damn he's poignant at times

Have you considered simply getting taller?

Angie no!

Sayaka I love you but this is SUCH a strange conversation starter

Makoto looking at this luck singularity: ah well, this'll get weird

Celeste's character is so so so fascinating and i'm guilty of girlbossing her a bit too hard like many people, her views of luck were very much the foundation nagito was built on

Also if we're talking about the mahjong thing, my ranking of winner to loser is Nagito, Makoto, Celeste, Jin. Celeste gets lost because as she doesn't bet anything it's not gambling, her talent doesn't activate but her skills carry her enough to beat jin at least. Makoto almost wins but loses last minute with a super lucky move from nagito, which nagito views as unlucky as he wasn't supposed to win.

Ouma is such a fucking MENACE in this scene I fucking love him

Why the fuck did you say that like that Makoto I'm laughing why are you saying it like its some criminal nickname or something

Girl what do you MEAN you have friends

OH NO MAKOTO

Makoto this is going to be REALLY awkward!

This is the most awkward moment of his fucking life goddamn pitching nothing but strikes my dude

Too many ahoges.

Wait what huh

The fourth wall is in fucking tatters, truly the true mark of a protag isnt ahoge, its a gift giving love language

Who let you two be in a room

GET HIS ASS

Togami that's gay

Alright sum up

Makoto never really grows into his hope talent due to the lack of killing game, and as such tends to get pushed around a lot and dragged into things. However he's still very kind and quite perceptive on small details, able to push people to improve and open up.

He also stays somewhat hung up on his luck talent to the very end, while he does get a bit more confident, he never really embraces into being an ultimate. That doesn't mean he doesn't end up with a lot of friends and good memories with him and Kirigiri still managing to bond.

All and all a very average school life.

Outside of Makoto, Ouma keeps up his 'hardest difficulty' thing from v3 even in a not killing game scenario, Togami continues to hate everything going on ever, all the protags bonds over being protags and being gift givers, Shuichi still has self esteem issues, and Kirigiri keeps up a very stoic no emotion business relationship with her father. Also Usami apparently is working with the Reserve Course? Well can't get any worse then canon I suppose.

[artemivsa]

𝐆𝐔𝐓𝐒 (𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐀 𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐎) 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒.

sentence starters taken from olivia rodrigo's new album guts (2023). change pronouns as you see fit. 

all-american bitch.

❛ i am light as a feather. ❜

❛ i'm as stiff as a board. ❜

❛ i pay attention to things that most people ignore. ❜

❛ i'm alright with the movies that make jokes 'bout senseless cruelty, that's for sure. ❜

❛ i feel for your every little issue, i know just what you mean. ❜

❛ i make light of the darkness. ❜

❛ i forgive and forget. ❜

❛ i know my age and i act like it. ❜

❛ got what you can't resist. ❜

❛ i got class and integrity just like a goddamn kennedy, i swear. ❜

❛ i'm a perfect all-american bitch. ❜

❛ i know my place and this is it. ❜

❛ i don't get angry when i'm pissed. ❜

❛ i'm an eternal optimist. ❜

❛ i'm grateful all the time. ❜

❛ i'm sexy and i'm kind. ❜

❛ i'm pretty when i cry. ❜

bad idea, right?

❛ haven't heard from you in a couple of months. ❜

❛ i'm out right now and i'm all fucked up. ❜

❛ you're calling my phone and you're all alone, i'm sensing some undertone. ❜

❛ i know we're done, i know we're through, but god, when i look at you. ❜

❛ i cannot hear my thoughts. ❜

❛ seeing you tonight, it's a bad idea, right? ❜

❛ fuck it, it's fine. ❜

❛ yes i know that he's my ex, but can't two people reconnect? ❜

❛ i only see him as a friend. ❜

❛ the biggest lie i ever said. ❜

❛ i just tripped and fell into his bed. ❜

❛ i know i should stop, but i can't. ❜

❛ i told my friends i was sleep but i never said where or in whose sheets. ❜

❛ i'm sure i've seen much hotter men, but i really can't remember when. ❜

vampire.

❛ hate to give the satisfaction asking how you're doing now. ❜

❛ how's the castle built on people you pretend to care about? ❜

❛ just what you wanted. look at you, cool guy, you got it. ❜

❛ i loved you truly, you gotta laugh at the stupidity. ❜

❛ i've made some real big mistakes, but you make the worst one look fine. ❜

❛ i should've known it was strange you only come out at night. ❜

❛ i used to think i was smart but you made me look so naive. ❜

❛ every girl i ever talked to told me you were bad, bad news. ❜

❛ you're so convincing, how do you lie without flinching? ❜

❛ you said it was true love, but wouldn't that be hard? you can't love anyone 'cause that would mean you had a heart. ❜

❛ i tried to help you out, now i know that i can't, 'cause how you think's the kind of thing i'll never understand. ❜

lacy.

❛ aren't you the sweetest thing on this side of hell? ❜

❛ did i ever tell you that i'm not doing well? ❜

❛ i linger all the time, watching, hidden in plain sight. ❜

❛ i see you everywhere, the sweetest torture one could bear. ❜

❛ i'm losing it lately. ❜

❛ i feel your compliments like bullets on skin. ❜

❛ well, aren't you the greatest thing to ever exist? ❜

❛ my stomach's all in knots. ❜

❛ you got the one thing that i want. ❜

❛ it's like you're made of angel dust. ❜

❛ you poison every little thing that i do. ❜

❛ i despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you. ❜

❛ i despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you. ❜

ballad of a homeschooled girl.

❛ cat got my tongue. ❜

❛ i don't think i get along with anyone. ❜

❛ i'm on the outside of the greatest inside joke. ❜

❛ i guess i should go, the party's done and i'm no fun, i know. ❜

❛ i told secrets i shouldn't tell. ❜

❛ i stumbled all over my words, i made it weird, i made it worse. ❜

❛ each time i step outside, it's social suicide. ❜

❛ it's social suicide. ❜

❛ searching 'how to start a conversation?' on a website. ❜

❛ i talked to this hot guy, swore i was his type. ❜

❛ everything i do is tragic. ❜

❛ oh god, what did i say? ❜

❛ don't let me out at night. ❜

making the bed.

❛ want it, so i got. did it, so it's done. ❜

❛ another conversation with nothing good to say. ❜

❛ i thought it, so i said it. ❜

❛ another day pretending i'm older than i am. ❜

❛ sometimes i feel like i don't wanna be where i am. ❜

❛ push away all the people who know me the best. ❜

❛ it's me who's been making the bed. ❜

❛ every good thing has turned into something i dread. ❜

❛ i'm playing the victim so well in my head. ❜

❛ they tell me that they love me like i'm some tourist attraction. ❜

❛ i got the things i wanted, it's just not what i imagined. ❜

logical.

❛ god, you're so good at what you do. ❜

❛ i'd put myself through hell for you. ❜

❛ hear all the rumors lately, that you always denied. ❜

❛ you convinced me, baby, it was all in my mind. ❜

❛ now you got me thinking two plus two equals five, and i'm the love of your life. ❜

❛ love is never logical. ❜

❛ you built a giant castle with walls so high i couldn't see. ❜

❛ i'm sure that girl is really your friend. ❜

❛ said i was too young, i was too soft. ❜

❛ i know i'm half responsible and that makes me feel horrible. ❜

❛ i could've stopped it all. god, why didn't i stop it all? ❜

get him back!

❛ i met a guy in the summer and i left him in the spring. ❜

❛ he said he's 6'2 and i'm like, dude, nice try. ❜

❛ i miss him some nights. ❜

❛ do i love him? do i hate him? i guess it's up and down. ❜

❛ i wanna get him back, i wanna make him real jealous, wanna make him feel bad. ❜

❛ i really miss him and it makes me real sad. ❜

❛ i want sweet revenge and i want him again. ❜

❛ i miss the way he kisses and the way he made me laugh. ❜

❛ i wanna kiss his face with an uppercut. ❜

❛ i wanna meet his mom just to tell her her son sucks. ❜

❛ i'm gonna get him so good, he's not even gonna know what hit him. ❜

love is embarrassing.

❛ i told my friends you were the one after i'd known you, like, a month. ❜

❛ god, love's fucking embarrassing. ❜

❛ i consoled you while you cried over you ex-girlfriend's new guy. ❜

❛ my god, how could i be so stupid? ❜

❛ i give up everything. ❜

❛ i placed my bets and it's not worth anything. ❜

❛ i'm planning out my wedding with some guy i'm never marrying. ❜

the grudge.

❛ one phone call from you and my entire world was changed. ❜

❛ took everything i loved and crushed it in between your fingers. ❜

❛ i doubt you ever think about the damage that you did, but i hold on to every detail like my life depends on it. ❜

❛ my undying love, now, i hold it like a grudge. ❜

❛ i hear your voice every time i think i'm not enough. ❜

❛ i try to be tough, but i wanna scream. ❜

❛ how could anyone do the things you did so easily? ❜

❛ it takes strength to forgive, but i don't feel strong. ❜

❛ i try to understand why you would do this all to me. ❜

❛ do you think i deserved it all? ❜

❛ you built me up to watch me fall. ❜

❛ you have everything and you still want more. ❜

[memeapple2]

Aqua teen hunger force sentence starters 2 the electric boogaloo

"Good! Because I am "done" listening to you! I've got a curse for you, it's called "tomorrow morning, your ass is outta here". I'm going back to bed."

"The curse of the mummy is actually just a figure of speech. Vomiting locusts for a thousand years is just an old wives' tale. The real curse of the mummy is that he is completely socially inept, devoid of all manners, gold-digging, manipulative, and a selfish brat. Don't ever wake him unless you have a lot of time and money on your hands. Thank you for buying "Mummies for Dummies."

"Yeah. Well. Dracula called and he's coming tonight"

"Plaque is a figment of the liberal media and the dental industry to scare you into buying useless appliances and pastes. Now, I've heard the arguments on both sides, and there is nothing to convince me of the need to brush your teeth."

"I don't know if I believe in God, but... I think he must hates me."

"There ain't enough SPF in the world to protect you from that..."

"Or... WE COULD SHUT THE FUCKING GRILL OFF!"

"The Highlander was a documentary, and events happened in real time."

"Commence the jiggling."

"I just put it in there to get you excited about your real dinner... this... uh... celery stalk right here. Mm!"

"Well, it ain't workin'. Now, if you expect me to eat this, you gonna have to supply me with some wing sauce."

"How about a twist of I gouge your mother fuckin' eyes out? Get me the Goddamn wing sauce!"

"That's a good little smoker!"

"You don't think they're "dicking around" over there do you?"

"I doubt it. They're professional dick hunters. They crave dick... as we all do."

"Hey y'all, look at this! Just rip it and win! [rips the bottom off his cup, spilling soda everywhere"

"Hahahhaaaa... yeah... no, actually, I did talk to your mom, and she said to call you."

"Look brother, these ain't nothing but disco lights."

"No, the installer said that they were prison laser rings and I... I believed him."

"It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, whether you're white, black, or Sasquatch, even. As long as you follow your dream, no matter how crazy or against the law it is... except for Sasquatch. If you're Sasquatch, the rules are different."

"You tell me a lot of things, but that doesn't mean I have to listen."

"You touch those and your G.I. Joes are gonna be M.I.A. my friend! and then who's gonna call Little Momma Joe, to tell her that her boy ain't coming home? Cause SOMEBODY was asleep on guard duty!"

"There are no swine evil enough to sacrifice upon a bed of EVIL! [pause] And lettuce. [longer pause] BED OF EVIL AND LETTUCE!"

"Hell no, that sumbitch had an axe!"

"Oh, sweet nectar. This pool is freakin' sweet. It's like I'm tearin' ass around the back yard but I'm standin' totally still! Yeah, still waters run deep."

"Write yourself a prescription for shutting the fuck up."

"You think you're gonna live forever, but you won't. Someone'll kill ya. Someone'll kill ya with a knife."

"You're both yo-yos. Shut up ya yo-yos."

"I'm an adult and I deserve an adult glass!" *spills spoiled milk and cries*

"You know, mayonnaise aside, this is the best damn sandwich I've ever had."

"How can you sleep when Assisted Living Dracula is on? I know it seems a little slow but when you really get into it, when you see it from the beginning..."

"See? Kids love pizza. And they love squalor!"

"Why don't you shut up and let me do what I want for a change?"

"The toilets run on lasers! This is like Star Wars! This is how Darth Vader craps!"I haven't payed taxes in six years, and I'm not getting busted by a sandwich."

"You know, you're like the A-bomb. Everybody's laughing, having a good time, then you show up, BOOM! Everyone's dead."

"World domination? You guys couldn't take over a damn bowl of Jell-O!

"Plans are for fools! When he gets here, we melt him … and laugh … on into the night!"

"What do you know of fire? You prance around like you have laser eyes. You don't!"

"The real spaghetti got wet when I was boiling it so… it’s in the dryer!"

"Using keys to gouge expletives onto another's vehicle is a sign of trust and friendship."

"So maybe you be a good person to ask who wrote The Moon Rulez #1, on my car, with a key!"

"Yeah? Well then you should know something. When he was pushing me, he mentioned something about not liking you."

"I don’t want candy anymore, that’s childish. I need candy."

"Gentlemen! Vegetables have threatened man for generations. I have obtained funds to solve this vegetable nightmare."

"Right, it's a reverse vampire. They crave the sun."

"That's not a vampire. He would die in the sun."

"Where's my whiskey? I'm 'bout to get tore up!"

"What's that word that's the exact opposite of scary?"

"A car cannot be killed, It was murdered. "

"Someone hook me up with a flame, I'm having a nic fit!"

"The explosion will be of extrordinary magnitude..... just hang on."

"We smoke as we shoot the bird!"

"Your neighbor was gracious enough to let us rip him off."

"Easy brother, don't harsh my buzz!"

“Fart all y’all. Y’all go fart yourself.”

“You shall not live to see the next decade. You will never learn that turtlenecks are coming back - in a big way."

“Bury me with all my stuff, because you know it’s mine.”

"We dont listen to people who dont like us."

"Well, that sounds like a personal problem."

"Everybody hates me 'cause they die or get hurt."

“Hmm…that last bite reminds me OF THIS SEVERELY LONG STORY about how the chickens became the master race”

“You’re like a fricken cheese grater on the soul”

Well boy you said it was a chip. So where's the dip? Or am I lookin' at him?

"Look, they're harmless. If they give ya trouble, hit 'em with the shampoo." [holds up a bottle of Pubio Pride Shampoo]

"You say that about everything you own. You should own toys. They're fun."

“Look at my car! It is crushed to bejesus and back!”

"I'm just sayin' that if you continue rippin' off my idea, my unique graphics, someone's face is gonna get ripped off. And that ain't a threat, that's a guarantee."

"I guess my eyes rolled back in my head once it reached the height of demonification."

"You don't own space, so stop actin like you do!"

"No, the real point is: I don't give a damn."

"He needs his brain! Or else he's just gonna' float in the water forever saying Do what now."

"I wish Superman was here. I’d say ‘Hey Superman, you mow the lawn while you here."

“Well Hallelujah! How are you guys?”

"This line, here? Line of Death. You cross it, and your freedoms no longer exist. Um-kay? Have a good day."

"Hey dog, where you at?"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, you have hair, you have beautiful, sticky, wet hair."

"Yeah, you keep throwing around words like "blood"

"That's what I do to a-holes. But not you!"

"Hello- I would like to order one million... no, wait- FIFTY MILLION LARGE PIZZAS!"

"The time for maturity is OVER!"

"It's the middle of fucking July! I was sleeping!"

"Oh, boy! Invisible robot meat! My favorite."

*whispering* "F.A.R.T.S"

"Hey, quick question: Can you help me blow up the moon?"

"Well, my face wasn't looking, and my ears weren't fucking listening!"

"Now it's gonna be ready for the bitches we got comin over this summer."

"I'm not fixing that gas leak for me or anyone else, you son of a bitch!"

"Time IS money! You GIVE us the money!"

"You make our house bleed right now!"

"Oh, I'm sorry Professor! I didn't realize knowledge could also transform you into an arrogant ass!"

"Curse! Curse!! CURSE!!!"

"Well maybe your next plan should be to tell me what the plan is."

"Look, I need candy. Now, are you going to give me some, or are you going to lose some teeth?"

"I know it's shallow, but hey, I want some. It's a status thing. That's what separates the men from the animals!"

"No, jackass, I'm not working with any plastic scorpions. These things are beyond gay."

"I got a question: can you make the blood flow up the walls?"

"If I woke up lookin' like that, I would run towards the nearest living thing and kill it."

"Well, it was your own damn fault for making noises like a ghoul."

"I thought the plan was to barbecue with him."

"I'm friends with a toilet paper tube, an apple, and a box. I'm crazy in the head."

"Ow! DAMN! You hit me in the chin!"

"So it IS grass. I'm eatin' it!"

"Hey, here's a trivia question: Why would I wanna do that?"

"One minute, I'm going in for a job interview and the next, BOOM, I'm in Hell!"

"Hey, Satan my man! What's up, man?"

"Thank you, bitch. Suck it dry!"

"I ain't talkin to you. I'm talkin to assface over here. What do ya think, assface?"

"You can expect a forecast of vengeance in the near future."

"Here. It's a Fruit Roll-Up. I was gonna make ya a casserole for your loss, but, uh... but I didn't."

"King-S-U-C-to-K-I-T!"

"Get in that net you crazy whore!"

"Come on, hippies. We are the dope-men."

"Gimmie that phone! Look, before I start speaking don't even think about getting angry, because if you do, I swear, I will hang up on you!"

"I have an advanced dick-ree in dick-nology!"

"No, no, no, it's not a prop gun, it's a shotgun. They use it for uh, for death."

"Word up, bitch. We're scoring big with your wheels."

"Gettin' his ass WHUPPED ON!"

"Now remember: You have NO regard for human life, especially women, because they have the organs that you wish that YOU had! So you want to make a suit from them."

"Don't mind me, I'm just a sailor on shore leave... from the Ship of the Damned!! Muah hah hah."

"No I'm with you. I don't think violence solves anything."

"Not “today"! It’s the first day of eternity, because I just found out... that I’m Done immortal!"

"Well, congratu-damn-lations!"

"I hope not, but you could be! You know, he loves the poor and the gross and slimy and worthless and... look at you! You’re all those things!"

"Well now it's been shattered by the monster. Pretty scary, right?"

"If he said he fell down some stairs, he fell down some stairs! People get clumsy sometimes! Is there a problem her

"Shut up and fish!"

"Wow, he really did write all that. What an asshole!"

"Look, I'm... I'm pretty... hardcore. I mean... I've been know to..."Do a number" on plenty of "cats.""