#SLEEPING PILLS!!!!!! GOD!!!!!!!

[mobileleprechaun]

Oh boy I can't wait to depersonalize at the Christmas party with this bad boy 😍

[queerstudiesnatural]

i think my brain should be studied i'm being fr

[tillman]

Learned today everything I thought I was reading way too into the assassins guild is all literally real and fully canon and fully intentional and so much more fucked than I ever thought has me still reeling. Im still so insane over this.

[dormiloncito]

it's so over

[mars-ipan]

woke up to use the bathroom (well. bedside commode. trying to reduce/prevent foot pain) and folks i am so comfy. i love the pressure from the compression boots they have me in and OH MY BIRTH CONTROL I NEED TO TAKE THAT

[aceofspades4]

Humanity is so big it’s insane. Like 8 billion people, 8 billion on our planet. And it’s like, with that many people, how can we ever truly know we experience the same things? Has anyone else taken a walk in the morning light with dew on the grass, enjoying the quiet yet loud woods? Has anyone else sat on the porch and watch the sun come up and think “this is what life is”? Has anyone else imagined what it would be like to be someone else? Has anyone stared up at their ceiling and listened to a song with the quiet feeling of melancholy? Am I alone? Do I share this with a stranger across the globe? We have 8 billion people and so many languages, cultures, ideas, identities, bodies, ways to cook, ways to say “I love you”, ways to play a game, ways to make a house, ways to make a toys. We have 8 billion people and we all cry. We all laugh, sing, love, feel bad for the worm on the sidewalk, wrinkle our nose at a bad smell, smile at babies and children, comfort those who need it, make sure the ones we know are safe. “Do you know I am here for you? Do you know I pick up your traits and they will stay a part of me even if you don’t? Do you know I love you?” There’s 8 billion people and we’re all humans. Why would anyone want to destroy someone else? Why is hatred so common when we all are human? Why can’t they sit back and think about how crazy it is that we’re on this planet together, a space rock hurling through space that we play on together. I want to sit in a field and watch life pass me by as I chat with people I don’t know, learn their languages and how to play their games. I want to sit back and watch someone dance because they love the feeling, sing because they enjoy how it makes them feel. I want to sit back and be a human, not a robot or a machine or a cog in something I don’t like. I want to love and live.

[yoohyeon]

I’ve managed to have no mosquitoes bites until now, but those fuckers got me today 😭

[1327-1]

one of the most wretched nights to try and sleep + i shluld kill that damn *******************

[kat-ryn]

Anxiety!

[futzingbarton]

talkin to doctor: hey so let's order my medication thru this online ordering service so i can get a 90 day supply and get it here faster so i don't have to worry about running out

doc: yeah that's perfect, i am placing the script now, on june 18th

me, june 24th: hi, yes, express scripts? what the fuck it has been a week and everything is still in processing. can we please expedite this

express scripts: yes sure thing. we will add a charge of 2 day shipping but we are filling this now.

me, june 27th: HI YES EXPRESS SCRIPTS?? my order is still in processing on the website and i have a single day of medication left, what is your deal

express scripts: hi we filled and shipped this out but just didn't update it. also it's standard shipping because no one added 2 day shipping. good luck

[shearah]

i know i'm just in the post-migraine blegh hours but

everything sucks and nothing is fun all food tastes like cardboard

i am a melted pile of headachey goo and i don't wanna be conscious

[apatheticlexicographer]

MOTHERFUCK i did not realize how much those antidepressants made me feel physically psychologically and dare i say spiritually like a peat mummy

literally 2 days off them and i've experienced more joy, lucidity, motivation and general good vibes than i did in the whole 2 months i was on them 😭😭

[martyrbat]

the batman's grave #8

[ID: Bruce Wayne talking to Alfred after a breakthrough in a serious case. They start to discuss the different possibilities before Bruce announces, “I need to think about this.” Alfred advises, “No, sir. You need me to tend to your injuries, and then you need some more sleep. I prescribe one of my famous hot toddies.” He presents a tray with a single glass on it. Bruce replies, “Aren't those mostly whiskey?” Alfred adds on, “With a crumbled sleeping pill garnish.” Bruce takes the glass with a small, acquiescent comment of, “Sounds good.” END ID]

[attackradish]

Hello my mental health is the worst it’s been all year. If not longer

I could verify this by going through my vent tag but I am not going to because that takes time. This trait of mine is part of the problem but I’m not in a place to fix that right now.

ANYWAYS why am I like this. I have some inklings as to why.

Work is now opening an hour sooner. Meaning I have to wake up earlier and I have been losing sleep as a result. This is not good for the Mental Health

Current drama with a coworker that I am not going to go into that because it’s complicated and rather stupid.

Today was supposed to be my Tax Day where I did my Taxes but I was hit by dread this morning so I didn’t get around to it until like 5PM and then realized I don’t have one of my W2 forms and I can’t go looking around for that because my dad will tell me how stupid I am and how I never care about anything and am doing this on purpose. And I actually can’t care about anything I feel, but it’s not like I’m not trying it’s just that I have no soul.

I cannot give my friends the attention they deserve. I am burnt out I have no energy left for being a friend and yet there are people who miss me. And I can’t be there often enough for them not to miss me. I am neglecting them and I am a terrible person but I need to be alone.

I really do feel that I have reached my full potential. There is simply not enough caring or gumption or whatever it is I’m missing in this body of mine to achieve anything further. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to move out or date or even get a job I like better than DQ. I’m done being closeted in my parents house and I’m ready to quit early.

I can’t quit early. Firstoff I have friends who care about me, and I can’t imagine what it’d do to them. I’ve got a baby niece in the house too who smiles when she sees me so I gotta live for her too. And that’s not mentioning how difficult and impractical non-painful methods of dying are. Seriously. Best option I have is locking myself in the walk in freezer with a CO2 canister, but I learned from a cool book I read that high concentrations of CO2 will make you feel like you’re suffocating, and the best gas for that purpose is Nitrogen. Which costs money and is very conspicuous.

I also don’t want to die. I just want the suffering to be over, and death really seems to be the only way out aside from Miracles like universal housing passing within the next year or two, or I attain Godhood and can just do as I please. I think about dying and it makes me want to cry. Being on the verge of tears for long periods of time really does something for my perception of my mental health, being that I haven’t been like this since the family dog died. Maybe crying would do me good.

I should probably get a therapist but I don’t have time or energy for my friends, scheduling these things takes time and effort and I don’t want to have to talk to my parents about it. I should probably get antidepressants. Also my laundry basket from yesterday isn’t even all the way filled up and it’s 9:58. And I have work tomorrow but no uniforms. God I just need to rest.

BUT HERE’S THE THING ABOUT REST. I’VE ALREADY HAD A WEEK OFF OF WORK BECAUSE OF THE FEVER. MY JOB IS UNDERSTAFFED AND I CANT MAKE THEM SUFFER THROUGH THAT AGAIN AT SUCH SHORT NOTICE.

Anyways I have been putting no effort into finding a place since like last year, or finding a therapist. Or really anything. I’m not sure if I can even do that. I have reached my limit. I’m simply not much substance. I’m nice to have around and talk to but quite frankly I don’t have it in me to actually survive on my own. I don’t have it in me to die either. So who knows what is going to happen. I’m going to rot forever. Dying a slow death with nothing but fantasy to dull the edges.

I have a friend who’s offered to let me crash at their place, but I can’t take them up on that offer because I’ll just be the same lifeless rock that I am. Forever. And I can’t do that to them. If I can’t break free on my own then I’m afraid I never will. My chrysalis will just stay gathering dust. Sapping resources. I need to grow wings but I don’t know if I can.

So here I remain. Closeted at my parent’s house. Probably forever. The brain does not engage. I’ve been dead for years but the body still breathes. This is all I am and it is not enough. I’m gonna pretend I live in Star Wars now until I forget the useless thing that I am. I have work tomorrow.

[daz4i]

good morning. i am a dumbass

[anaalnathrakhs]

...i'm starting to wonder if i wasn't actually pretty often failed by the adults in my life as a young kid tbh.