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#SILLY ASS MIDDLE AGE MAN
gins-stim-emporium · 6 months
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WARNING : THIS BOARD CONTAINS GIFS OF VIDEO GAME BLOOD AND GUNS (no real guns or real blood)
self indulgent postal 4 dude stimboard ! o(>< )o
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toilet / yarn / pitbull yawn
postal / 🎆 / dude
pitbull pup / coffin cookie / stairs
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jorenilee · 8 months
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watching a playthrough of tgaa 2 and I think its very funny you open the game and immediately get flashbanged by lesbians, and then you finally reunite with the other protagonist and he's had sex with fucking sherlock holmes
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immamapletreekid · 8 months
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i am the most predictable person with the most predictably pathetic tastes in the history of predictable pathetic taste
#give me a character that is just in it for a good time. problem and conflict free#living their best life unbothered. moisturized. thriving and absolutely glowing#but is also like an actual big deal. has a reputation making them equal parts feared and admired#and give them the weirdest most incredibel fashion choices. bonus points id they are goth#and give off vampire wine aunt vibes#sprinkle in a pinch of middle aged man who somehow ends up the adoptive father of 2 and#pls he is so unserjous. he is living his best life in that fucking tiny ass boat. great unit of a black bejeweled sword on his back#lace sleeves and high heels sailing across the ocean chasing a pirate fleet bc he wanted to kill some time#he is peak gothic wine aunt malewife energy to me#HE LIVES IN A FUCKING CASTLE???? ? HIS FAVOURTIE FOOD IS RED WINE HE LIKES TO READ HE ONLY WEARS A SHIRT WHEN HES NOT WORKING#wheb i started this series i did not know who he was#and my predictions for top 3 favorhite characters were in no particular order zoro law and ace#now two od those i have not met yet. but for now#the tentative big 3 are mihawk nami and usopp#nami bc i care about her i adore her i cherish her i fuckijg love her she is so silly#usopp bc the vibes are immaculate#mihawk bc. actuslly no explanation needed im not foing to embarras myself further#but also i love all the strawhats ive met so far#they are one big happy family and they love each other and would die& kill for each other and they have a place to belong next to each other#and i think thats beautiful.#rambling about stuff
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jocelynships · 1 year
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Anyways I hope if y’all followed me for an F/O that wasn’t Kurt or D.raxum I apologize bc let’s be honest I very VERY rarely talk about my other F/Os ever.
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liselke · 9 months
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i hope we get to have an old woman doctor someday. im seeing her in my minds eye... mean and cranky and nonbinary..
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manaosdeuwu · 1 year
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can I PLEASE sleep. what the fuck do you mean it's projecting golden kamuy images powerpoint slide style in my head o'clock
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Doodling some characters and this one was particularly silly
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backseatloversz · 3 months
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i think its silly sometimes when people place characters or celebs on that high femme->stone butch scale or call someone a twink or a bear and theyre just. like. SO off and its like no thats literally just some guy(gn) youre just saying words
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thelastofhyde · 1 year
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OMG such a tease, can't wait to read part 2 😩😩😍😍
i'm sorry but i promise it's coming soon, just hang on a lil' longer for me! 🥴
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mrskokushibo · 2 months
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Warnings: Sex, Smut, NSFW, MDNI, 18+, Funny
Summary: It gets both steamy and funny when you manage to rile up Sanemi. And the man really has a short fuse. Modern AU.
A/N: For all you MHA fans, you are welcome to replace Sanemi with aged-up Bakugo. I can almost hear his voice in Sanemi's lines.
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Masterlist
The afternoon was going well until you made the fatal decision to go to the arcade. It was ages since you both last been and the silly in you wanted to try if it was as much fun as you remembered it to be. At first, Sanemi was enjoying himself but very soon things went south. You were winning, time after time, beginner luck at first, but when your winning streak continued, he was no longer able to contain his frustration.
‘This shit is rigged. How the fuck can you be winning all the time?’
You laughed impulsively.
‘Seriously Nemi, how can it be rigged? Do you think I am in cahoots with the owner?’
Your grin became vicious and you lowered your voice into a conspiratorial whisper while leaning closer to him.
‘Maybe I slept with him to get ahead?’ You followed this with a wink.
He was not amused. He glared at you pursing his lips and continued the game.
‘Fuck. How do you do it?’ He almost growled out after losing yet again.
You shrugged and gave him an innocent but triumphant smile, and even did a little victory dance. And…you shouldn’t have.
‘Enough! We are going. This was not a good idea and I am not coming back here again.’
You giggled and put your hand into his as you began walking out of the noisy arcade.
The cool evening air and your mild hand softened his mood and by the time you came back home, he was seemingly fine. But, once on the sofa, his eyes flared up in vicious intent.
‘Let’s play Battlefield. I bet you can’t beat me there.’
It was his favourite online shooter that you only played a handful of times. You did not take to it and, to be honest, you weren't interested in gaming that much anyway.
‘Yeah, whatever. But don’t you just want to watch a movie and cuddle?’ You asked with a flirtatious smile.
‘We can do that later.’ He was already pulling out the controllers and logging in to the online portal.
He passed you the controller and a few moments later you were moving through a village in the middle of a desert, first-person view of your surroundings, trying to avoid or shoot the enemy. For each time Sanemi got shot and revived, you stayed alive and kicking. When you quickly glanced at him, his jaw was tensed and his eyes had that half-insane focused look in them.
‘Nemi, you are taking this far too seriously.’
‘This is serious.’ He barked out, which caused you to burst out laughing.
He paused the game and looked at you. A long, drawn-out, crazy stare. “If looks could kill” was probably the best description of what was being projected from his light-purple pupils.
‘Relax, babe.’ You put your hand on his thigh and began riding up to his groin. ‘Let me help you.’
You cooed and started rubbing him through his jeans, the bulge slowly growing from your treatment. He was alternating staring at you and down at your hand.
‘Do you really think I am some primitive gorilla that can be pacified with sex?’ He was seething with increasing irritation.
‘No, of course not, I don’t think that. Why would I?’ You cocked your head and smiled, biting your lip while continuing to rub his now quite prominent hardness.
‘Fuck you.’
‘Yes, fuck me, Nemi… ‘
This was followed by a moment of silence after which he suddenly growled quietly and flipped you over on your stomach.
‘Alright, I will fuck you. But don’t say you didn’t ask for it. Because I don’t intend on holding back.’
You bit your lip in anticipation. You liked it when he was rough, but it would probably piss him off even more to know that right now you wanted him to be exactly that, heavy-handed. So instead, you just lay still, tiny, pinching, shivers running down your spine as his hands touched your ass and began pulling up your skirt. 
His hand disappeared momentarily, and the sound of his zipper being pulled down sent even more electricity up your spine. He grunted as you could hear him get up and pull down his trousers. And then he was back at you, slapping your ass repeatedly, you moaning in response.
‘Now, bitch, I will show you who is boss here.’ He rubbed you to excessive wetness and began pressing his cock into you, without much consideration for positioning himself properly. He was too eager to be tough.
‘Nemi, that’s my other hole. You need to reposition.’
‘Argh! You don’t need to tell me what to do. I know what I am doing.’
He shifted and slammed into you, missing your opening entirely and burrowing himself into the sofa. He was so consumed with the combination of rage and arousal that he managed to give the sofa a few hard thrusts.
‘Babe, you are not inside.’
‘Stop talking. I know I am not.’
‘Should I assist you? In finding the hole? It’s like pinball, you know..’ You giggled. You could not help yourself to make the arcade allusion, because his reactions were simply too entertaining.
‘Do you think I’m funny, huh? Let’s see if you think this is funny then.’
This time around, he pumped his fingers into your pussy, positioned himself correctly, and slammed into you causing you to gasp.
 ‘How do you like this?’
‘I like it.’
His bare teeth were now grazing up your back and finished up on the side of your neck, the proximity of his warm, strong body causing you to clench a little extra. His breath was near your mouth and he hissed in a raspy voice:
‘Brace yourself, fuckdoll.’ You loved it when he called you that.
He kept his proximity to you and started to hammer his hips into the softness of your ass. You were a little shaken as his pace increased. Your breath started to sync with his thrusts, but he kept it up so fast you were left gasping for air. He pushed deeper and harder until you were whimpering from his force.
He then pushed the whole length of his cock into you, and you could feel the head pushing at your cervix. The pain and pleasure sent shivers throughout your body. Your legs were shaking uncontrollably now, and you could feel your pussy start to gush. He continued his thrusting as if you weren't even there. Your knees were about to buckle, but he pulled you up again by the waist, his fingers digging into your flesh, and started his relentless thrusting once again.
You could barely breathe, and you were starting to see stars, the only sounds you could hear were your own heartbeat, his ragged breathing, and the sound of his cock driving into your soaked pussy. You started to lose consciousness, your vision narrowing to a point.
‘Nemi, I’m coming.’ You whimpered out as the familiar feeling of needing to pee was turning into a full-blown climax accompanied by your pussy gushing like a fountain.
As you slipped into a blissful abyss, his cock finally erupted and released the thick, white cum that had been building up. It coated your womb and dripped out onto the sofa. His breathing started to slow down, and he released his grip on your waist. Your legs gave out, and you slumped forward, resting your head on the soft cushions.
He grabbed his sweatshirt off the floor and cleaned himself and your leaking pussy. He then pulled you upright and wrapped his arms around your waist, leaning his head on your shoulder. You placed a hand on his head and caressed his hair.
‘Are you calm again now, my dear?’ You whispered into his ear.
‘I was never agitated. What are you implying? That I lost control?’ Irritation was beginning to simmer up in him again. You let out a giggle. You could feel him tense up behind you, and his hands went for your throat. You tried to get away, but his grip tightened.
'What's so funny, hmm?'
You struggled to get out a few words. 'Nemi...please.' You begged.
'Please what, slut?' He replied, his grip getting tighter.
Your head was going fuzzy again, but his grip was not tight enough to make you black out. He was not a monster, after all, and besides, you did enjoy it, your juices running down your leg from his grip on your delicate flesh. You felt his cock growing stiff again. He really was insatiable. He let go of your throat and turned you around. He sat down on the sofa and pulled you into his lap.
'Now, we need to get a few things straight, doll. If I am going to continue to put with you, then you are going to need to understand that I am the one in control here, do you understand?' This was his usual way of asserting himself, that never really worked on you other than make your pussy drip.
‘Just like you were in control of the game controllers just a moment ago?’ You giggled while grabbing his cock and lowering your full weight onto him.
He could no longer keep up the tough façade, the cracks showing by a playful spark appearing in his eyes. He laughed through closed lips and shrugged.
‘Yeah…just like that. Well, I guess we both know that you are the boss here, my kitten.’ He groaned as you began riding him. And this was the beginning of a long, adrenaline-fueled night filled with sensual and passionate sex. Lesson learned? Annoying Sanemi was well worth it.
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Dividers by @cafekitsune
Hope I can make you laugh with this oldie but goodie. Imagine Bakugo instead of Nemi 😅 @doumadono @crystalwolfblog
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bunnys-kisses · 1 month
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hii bunny!!! can I get a chocolate cake and whisky with seb or jenson???
bakery menu
want to order your own? take a look at the menu! there's a little something for everyone! i also write for fandoms outside of f1 so if that interests you let me know! i love getting orders! this one i chose jenson button, ever day i get seb from someone hahah, and i will write them. but thank you for the request!
chocolate cake ("do you feel that? that's what happens when i think about you all day.") + whisky (degrading language) served by jenson button (formula one)!
cw: smut/pwp, dirty talk/degrading language, age gap (20s/40s), mean!jenson, brat!reader, thigh riding, masturbation, non-penetrative sex, clothed man/nude woman, couch sex, nipple play, references to spanking
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jenson liked good behaviour from a good girl. a good girl meant a good life, without any troubles. but, there was something a spitfire little thing that he could fold to his pleasure and fuck submission into.
you had been the hardest brat to break, and jenson lived for it. there was nothing like after a long day taking you and fucking any stress of the day out of his body. pushing his cock as deep as he could get it.
letting the messy tip kiss your cervix.
it was a rainy day in july and you had tracked your wet socks through the house after you came back inside. you were soaked from head to toe, but you should've waited for him to come get you from the front door with a towel.
now he had you naked with your wet clothes in a pile on the floor. the older man had his hands on your bare hips and his lips on your hard nipple. he was massaging it between his inscors.
your ass was burning from his earlier smacks, you were surprised you didn't get a spank for every drop of water you got on the hardwood floor. now your nipples were being bit up as you straddled his thigh.
he pulled away a little and rubbed both nipples between his pointer finger and thumb, even giving them a big tug. which made you squirm, "you have to behave, love. you can't be bringing your wet clothes into the house." his voice was firm, "you're such a silly little girl, aren't you? just making a huge mess for me to clean up." he shook his head with slight disappointment which made you whine.
you whined, "please ah! c'mon, you're being so mean!"
he looked at you, eyes went for for a moment. he laughed, "i'm being mean? you got an entire puddle right in the middle of my living room in the house i pay for." he put his lips back on the soft skin and tried his best to leave dark bruises on the skin.
you rubbed your slick pussy up against his thigh, the rough jean material he wore made the hairs on the back of your neck stand out. you were painfully hot like this, naked while he was clothed. a visible sign of submission.
he pulled away from you and relaxed against the couch. he took his cock out of his jeans and spit in his hand before he started to jerk himself off. he said, "come now, love. hop to it. if you want to get yourself off, i'm not helping you. brats have to do things for themselves." he was going to love the sight of this.
you started to move up against his thigh. you straddled it and rubbed your achy clit across it. shivers ran up your spine and made your bruised nipples hard. oh, you were just painfully adorable. look at the sight of you, the little brat he had trained so well.
you were capable of being good, you just needed reason to be. but, don't worry jenson would give you reason after reason to be on your best behaviour.
he continued to jerk himself off, occasionally spitting i his hand more. sadly his hand really wasn't like the sweet cunt that was being dragged across his clothed thigh. he eyed you up and down. from the blissed out expression on his face to the bounce of your bruised breasts.
"who owns this pussy, huh? who owns it because you can't be responsible for it. who owns it the way this house and your car are owned?" he panted heavily as he felt his heartbeat in his ears.
this was just too much and he knew his words were making you crumble.
you croaked as you continued to ride his thigh, "you own it. you own it, jenson." you swallowed roughly, "just like you own everything else." you whined as you felt the pleasure race up your body.
you clothed onto him tighter and continued to move your poor cunt up against his clothed thigh. it was almost pathetic, a woman much younger than him was getting her clit stimulated by the over priced denim he wore.
he cupped your ass with his free hand, the bruised cheek still felt hot under his broad hands. you swallowed and continued to move, he maintained eye contact with your body. you looked so painfully erotic, like a good proper whore.
"you're mine, got it?" he asked as he continued to fuck his hand. as much as he'd love for it to be your soft pussy or perfect throat. but, for now he just had to make due.
you couldn't deny it, it was a fact. you were his, he had sank his claws into you long ago and wasn't letting up. so you better be a good girl and continue to fuck yourself on his thigh.
"please, honey."
he landed a smack across your ass and goped the cheek once more. he felt the thrill of pleasure course through your system as he continued to thrust his cock. the pre-cum was all over his hand as you left a wet mark across his pant leg.
you looked like a horny little puppy. it was sickeningly disgusting and only riled him up further.
"you're such a bad girl." he said, "getting off like this." he grabbed your hand and made you touch his slick cock, "do you feel that? that's what happens when i think about you all day. and then you turn around and act like such a brat." his voice was laced with venom
it was all a little too much for you.
you dug your nails into his shoulders as you came, making a mess of the rough jean of his pants. it left a pretty stain as your wetness seeped into the fabric. a big dark spot from his baby girl.
you rested against him and panted heavily, pressing a lot of your weight into him. he relaxed further into the couch with his cock still in his hand. he said to you, "you're such a dirty little slut." he panted, "you always want more, more, more." he swallowed, "but i'll always give you what you want."
"jenson." you whimpered.
a few more jerks of his hand and he finished. ropes of cum got all over the front of his white t-shirt, but he didn't care. he got to see his naked little slut get herself off on his thigh.
he knew his jeans needed a good clean thanks to you. he let go of his cock and panted heavily. his cock twitched when he watched you lick at the cum on his hand. you did it on instinct and moan when the saltiness hit your tongue.
"you're going to be the death of me, honey.' he said as you cleaned him up. he knew he couldn't survive another round like that. so he whispered in your ear, "why don't you put all of our clothes in the wash and meet me in our bedroom. i'll take good care of you." then groped at your bruised ass cheek.
you knew how to behave, jenson ensured that over the time you have been dating. and while he loved your firecracker spirit, nothing got him harder than you dutifully getting up from his lap and going to wash the clothes like a good girl. <3
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kisseobie · 6 months
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Hello🫣🫣 may I request p1harmony reaction to you wearing something short/revealing when going out clubbing? Thank youuu☺️☺️
p1harmony reacting to you wearing revealing clothes
pairings: ot6 p1harmony x reader
warnings: suggestive
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tags: established relationships, clingy piwon, the boys are.. boys, clubbing, drinking (aged up for seobsoul), non idol au
a/n: it’s funny bc i was JUST reading an exact post like this a few minutes ago so anon if u were the same person who sent @ntoniac a request for the same thing i hope i can do it justice bc hers had me giggling and kicking my feet .. ANYWAYS! once again i apologize for slow updates i unfortunately am a student amidst a depressive episode soooooo it takes me a bit longer to write :( i hope u all can understand
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𖧷 keeho
is honestly so cheesed. the type to insist to take pictures of you on his phone before you two actually make your way out, already mentally planning out which photo he’s gonna use in his next photo dump. is always super grabby with his hands, but its somehow amplified tonight. constantly has his arm lazily perched on your shoulder, and he often whispers cute little compliments into your ear every now and then. doesn’t really mind when people approach you to talk to you, doesn’t even necessarily care when said people make quick glances at your cleavage and the short length of your skirt. you two have an immense level of trust in your relationship, so he’s not one to feel insecure when people admire his girl. i can see kyo as the type to drag you onto the dance floor too, just so he can spin you around and feel your ass rub against the frontside of his jeans. eventually does end up posting those photos he took of you earlier on instagram, but not without captioning it something like “that’s all me”
𖧷 theo
doesn’t care about how short and tight your mini dress is, just wants it off of you by the end of the night. when you first skipped into the living room, beaming as you showed off your outfit of choice to him, theo had to hold himself back from kissing you silly. just like keeho, the simple concept of his girlfriend wearing a revealing outfit doesn’t make him super possessive, but he does make himself known to onlookers as your boyfriend in other ways, whether that be holding your drink and purse for you without you even asking him to, or sneaking up behind you to pepper kisses along your neck when your in the middle of conversation with someone. he makes his presence known but also wants to ensure that you have a carefree, enjoyable night without feeling like you have to tend to your boyfriend the entire time. taeyang definitely does admire your cleavage when he gets the chance too though, shamelessly stares at your chest and just giggles in reply when you scold him for doing so… loves to flirt with you even more than he usually does tbh
𖧷 jiung
is the overly possessive boyfriend that will whine and beg you to change. in reality, he doesn’t actually expect you to change your outfit, but lets you know (whilst pouting) that although you look hot and he wants to devour you, he also is very nervous about the unwanted attention you might get. it’s not a bad thing really! jiung just wants to be the only man that gets to see you in such a tiny top. although he might complain at first, you don’t miss the obvious blush on his face, silently signaling to you that he secretly loves when you dress this way. he’s not a very touchy person, but that doesn’t mean that he won’t interlock your fingers the entire night, even giving your hand gentle squeezes when you give someone else a little too much attention for his liking. glares at anyone who might whistle at you or even just look in your general vicinity for a bit too long. quickly shuts down offers himself from other guys that have the balls to ask you to dance. yeah, your not being let out of his sight looking that good. he’s just obsessed with you and wants you all to himself, sorry!
𖧷 intak
actually is the one who helps you pick out your outfit! tak himself wants to spend the night out showing off his beautiful girlfriend so he purposely convinces you to wear the shortest denim skirt you own, paired with an equally revealing spaghetti strap crop top. comes up behind you when your adjusting your outfit in the mirror to wrap his arms around your waist and perch his chin on your right shoulder, shooting down any concerns you might have about your outfit being kind of “whorish” (your words, not his!). is your personal hype man. you look good and he’s gonna make you feel good. loves to watch you on the dance floor from a nearby barstool, having the time of your life with your friends. after you’ve tired yourself out, you walk towards him to join him at the bar and he doesn’t miss the opportunity to eye your entire body from top to bottom and let out an obnoxious whistle. he’s sooooo sweet frat boy coded… definitely asks if he can take a body shot off of you whilst winking and you just roll your eyes in response. when he ends up drunk out of his mind and you have to drag him inside your shared cab, he’s mumbling the sweetest praises to you before he falls asleep against your shoulder
𖧷 soul
doesn’t really have much to say, but his body language speaks for itself. like most of piwon, his possessiveness is at a minimum, and like intak, he loves when you feel confident enough to dress this way. maybe it’s the introvert in him, but he lives vicariously through your bold outfit choices. loves to give you kisses on your exposed collarbone as he smoothens out a crease on your silk skirt. he also loves the way your stomach peeks out of your cropped top, and he holds onto your waist when kissing you to circle his thumbs on the area. stares at you lovingly the entire night, and doesn’t falter when your eyes meet every now and then. he comes up to you towards the end of the night and whispers into your ear about how he thinks you look so pretty and that he loves this outfit. you definitely end up seeing a more vocal side of him when the alcohol kicks in, and you swoon at how lovey dovey his words are. he just wants you to feel pretty and confident and he ends up succeeding in proving that to you! makes really bad attempts at flirting which ends up in the pair of you laughing your asses off. overall shota makes you feel beautiful and you make mental notes to bring him out wearing revealing clothes more often
𖧷 jongseob
djsjdkajdjsj i have to write my boyfriend as clingy as possible. he’s definitely the type of boyfriend to sit on the end of your bed, aimlessly scrolling on his phone and taking little peeks at you every now and then while your doing your makeup on your vanity. when you finish your makeup and go to your closet to change into the tiny little dress you’ve chosen for the evening, you’re honestly a bit nervous as to how your boyfriend will react to how bodycon and short the attire is, but you look and feel hot and that encourages you to step out in front of him. he notices your presence right away and looks up at your face, then chest, then thighs, and then turns off and tucks his phone into his back pocket and grabs at you to sit on his lap. gives you the sweetest kiss imaginable and pulls away to look at you with disbelief. asks you something along the lines of “how did i get so lucky?” and his hands run all over the material of your dress. his boldness is new but very welcome and he spends a good while complimenting you, asking you where you bought this dress, and playing with your hair with a smug grin on his face. gets soooo excited to take you out and wastes no time in calling an uber so he can show you off to the world. feels like he’s on cloud 9!
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taglist: @woozixo @hearts4chanhee @kyokopi @astro-doll-the-star @soobiary @kyaaramello @t3ssamoodboard @angelcbf @idontknow-1s-world @vivienne-sim @elissasimp @imjustayapper @ihatewreckingballmains @theyluvsosa @seobing @www90kitsch @khfviq @barbiekh86t @bbyjjunie @taeyangi @fullsunstrawberry @jihnyah @intheemptymirror
© kisseobie, please do not repost my writing!
𖧷 ₊ ° .
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DBF! Miguel O'Hara
You always wanted him. The older man in your life. At first, you thought it was a silly crush that developed during you senior year, as you finally started to notice him. Your father's best friend.
Miguel O'Hara.
Mid 40's, but didn't look anything like his age. 6'9, rippling muscles, clear skin he obviously takes care of. He wears tight shirts and jeans that hug his thick thighs. Dark brown hair with streaks of silver.
Every time his dark eyes glanced at you, heat pooled in the pit of your stomach and you fought to keep your composure. He's your father's best friend. You've known him your entire life. Additionally, he has a baby mama. There's no way you can do anything with him...right?
That's what you thought until you reached your junior year of college. You still ached for the older man's hand on your soft, trembling body. Any guy you've been with hardly satisfied your needs.
What you needed was a real man - Miguel O'Hara.
You lived off campus at your parent's house. It's cheaper that way. But the house needed to be fumigated. So, for the weekend, you and your family stayed at Miguel's house.
And that's when your dreams became a reality.
plap plap plap plap plap
"Ah~! M-Miguel!" you moaned out into the silk covered pillows, gripping the bed sheets as the older man pounded into your pussy from behind.
"That feel good? Huh? Love having an older man's cock inside your tight little pussy?" Miguel growled into your ear, rolling his hips and slamming himself into you.
The force of the thrust rocks your body up the bed and back down on his massive cock, skin making contact with each other.
"Ah! Yes! Oh, Miguel!" you mewl, eyes rolling to the back of your head as his veiny cock pumped in and out of your wet pussy. His thick shaft rubbed deliciously against your velvety walls. You feel impossibly full, as if you were going to burst open at any moment.
You never expected Miguel's cock to be so massive. 10 inches at the minimum. So thick that with every thrust, his cock rubs against your clit, stimulating you oh so deliciously.
plap plap plap plap plap
"You know," he pants into your ear, elbow propped up on either side of your head, "you're such a dirty slut for coming into my room and begging me to fuck you. Who does that?" He then wraps his long fingers around your neck and squeezes, forcing your head up. "Only a filthy little slut like you would."
Miguel would be lying if he said he never wanted to fuck you. Oh, that would be far from the truth.
Miguel craved for the warmth of you essence on his tongue, wrapped around his cock, or you just on your knees, tears wetting your lashes as you struggled to take his fat cock in your slutty mouth.
But he was waiting for you to initiate things. He was afraid of scaring you off.
Then, he came into his room in the middle of the night. Miguel was staying up to catch up on paper work and you walked into his room wearing those teasing little shorts and a tank top that struggled to keep your breasts contained. All you had to say was, "Miguel, please, I need you." And then he was all over you.
Miguel pounds his fat cock into you repeatedly, your mewls and cries music to his ears. He sucks a hickey into your neck, removing his hand from your throat and sitting up on his knees. He grabs your hips and makes you meet this thrusts.
plap plap shliiiick plap plap shliiiiiick plap
You bury your face into the pillow, screaming in pleasure as fluids gushes out of your warm cunt. His bed rocked back and forth with how harshly he was penetrating you, the headboard slamming against the wall. He grabbed the pillow you were holding and places it in the empty space, quieting the slams.
"What do you think would happen if we got caught by your daddy?" Miguel teases, digging the heel of his palm into the soft flesh of your ass. Your cunt clenches tightly around his cock and he groans, smacking your hips. "Oh, you want that, don't you? Want your daddy to find out how much a little slut his daughter became?"
"N-No!" you mewled, noises muffled by his mattress. "I would be so embarrassed!"
"What? Think it's shameful for him to find out I'm fucking his little girl?" Miguel chuckled, tongue darting out to moisten his thick lips. "Can't help myself, cutie, you're just too fucking desirable for me to pass up on. Wanted this pussy for so long and I'm never letting go of it."
Streaks of white cream are left on his throbbing cock. He pulls out, leaving the tip in, and then slams into you. Your arousal jumps out of your slutty hole, spilling onto the sheets.
"Ah! Miguel!"
"Mmm, c-call me Daddy," he purred. Your back arches, plump ass grazing his lower stomach, pussy once again clenching his cock, attempting to keep him in place. He grabs the head board with one hand, the other going to wrap around your neck and forcing you to look at him.
plap plap plap plap plaP
Miguel's dark eyes brew with insatiable hunger and lust. His lips slightly agape, body glistening with sweat. He leans down to place a couple of kisses on the corner of your mouth, licking your cheek.
"Call me Daddy, baby, or I will stop right here and now." Literally the world's worst threat.
"D-Daddy, please, don't stop!" you cry out, screwing your eyes shut. A coil tightens in your stomach and you moan loudly, squirming. "G-Gonna cum!"
plap plap plap plap
"Yeah, baby girl? Gonna cum all over Daddy's dick?"
"Ah~! Yes, Daddy!"
"Want Daddy to fill you up? Or do you want Daddy to paint your backside?"
"I'm-ah!-on birthcontrol, Daddy," you moan, licking your lips. "P-Please, I want Daddy's cum inside me. Want to be filled so badly."
He groans. "Such a fucking slut, I swear."
Miguel is slamming ruthlessly into you. He places a hand on the back of your head and shoves your face into the mattress. His head falls back on his shoulders, eyes rolling into the back of his head as he abuses your puffy sex.
plap plap plap plap pLAP PLAP PLAP-
"Oh, Daddy!" you wail, your orgasam wracking through your body, white filling your vision.
Miguel soon cums deep into your womb with a loud groan, his hips stuttering. Your cunt milked out loads and loads out of his cock, right up until he swears his balls are going to shrivel up and turn to dust.
He slowly pulls out, gushes of your fluids and his semen spilling from your stretched hole. He lays down next to you, pulling you into his embrace. He kisses the back of his neck, nuzzling his nose into your hair.
"Did you enjoy yourself, baby? I wasn't too much, was I?" he asks, checking in on you.
"Mm, Daddy, it was amazing," you purr, rubbing his hip. You grab his hand and bring it to your lips, kissing it. "You weren't enough, actually."
"Oh, really?"
"Mmhmm."
"Then I'm going to have to do something about that, right?"
"Yes, please."
You and Miguel fuck all night until the morning, and have to act normal during breakfast.
So worth it.
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babygorewhore · 1 month
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•Headcannons for Cooper Adams•
Requested by anon!
These are my opinions and just from what I observed from the movie! I’ve seen it twice. So it’s okay if you disagree! But it’s just my opinion BE NICE!!!!!!!
These are both SFW and NSFW but the top half is not smut.
Warnings! Mentions of oral! Both receiving! Choking! Talks of masturbation! unprotected sex, bondage, Dom/sub dynamics, mommy kink briefly talked about but not in detail. Very very minimal mention of spitting. These aren’t really in order. Talks of his mother. Brief talk about if there was an age gap (most likely would be lol) Nothing graphic tbh. These are very generalized. I mean he’s a killer but I didn’t really dive into that. Mwah!
-Cooper would initially have reservations about dating someone younger than him. He’s middle aged and was married for a while (until she’s dead RIP)
-You immediately had a crush on him and he knew that. He’s a smart man. He knows how human beings work. He knows how to read people and their body language.
-But finally after weeks of tension, Cooper finally asks you to go out with him.
-I feel like Cooper is creative with dates. He would like the traditions, going to dinner but I also feel like because he’s so observant he would know exactly where to go.
-carnival, museum, park, cemetery, concert, Cooper would go wherever you want.
-Cooper would stalk you. No questions. He’d find all your social media, learn everything about you, but he wouldn’t reveal it. He’s an expert in pretending to be calm.
-He’s not completely without conscious or a heart. He does love his children. He’s capable of it. Cooper would frequently check on his kids while he’s with you.
-Cooper has OCD (Same) and I feel like a lot of that has to do with his mother. It was a way of coping with severe anxiety and intrusive thoughts. He does compulsions to soothe himself. He often fidgets.
-Speaking of his mother. Cooper had a complicated relationship with his mother. Obviously we weren’t told that much in the film but my guess would be that she neglected him. She saw signs in him that weren’t normal but instead of helping him, she either pulled away or punished him.
-Cooper wanted to please his mother. He wanted her approval so this carried into his adult years. He tends to avoid conflict when he can, as we saw with the other mom and why his family seemed so shocked by his outburst. Normally, Cooper shoves down his anger in front of people.
-But when he finally snaps, well, we all heard the horror of his crimes committed. Cooper has so much rage inside of him and he only allows it to come out on “special.” Occasions.
-Cooper probably loves his job as a fireman. I feel like he trains younger men who work there. I also hardcore believe he has saved many lives but he has that entitlement that he can also take it away when he wants. But when we saw him help that young girl, he automatically knew what medical care to give her. Again, he probably has kept people alive on the way to the ambulance.
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-Okay Cooper is a fucking freak. Let’s not lie.
-I don’t think there’s much he isn’t into tbh. But I think one of the biggest kinks he has is utter dominance or corruption.
-Cooper loves to play the role of an average, easy going guy and silly guy but once that bedroom door closes? He has you bent over, arm around your throat and ass in the air.
-since he’s so big, he can easily overpower you and he enjoys this. Cooper loves to wrap a hand around your neck, controlling your breath as he thrusts into you.
-I feel like cooper, which would normally go against his need for cleanliness, he would love spitting. I’m not gonna go into a ton of detail but I feel like he would love to spit on your cunt, or drool into your mouth after eating you out.
-Speaking of oral…Cooper wouldn’t usually ask or expect it, I feel like one of the fastest ways to make him whimper is to suck his cock. His entire career is about other people so for someone to sink to their knees, wrap their lips around his dick and take their time to lick and suck…it would drive him crazy.
-While you give him head, Cooper tends to bob your head up and down or cup your jaw so he can feel it. He also goes inside if you slap his cock on your tongue before you take it.
-Cooper loves eating pussy. I’m talking, burying his entire face, he can’t hardly breathe but why does he need air? He pins your thighs down, spreading you as wide as possible as he fucking devours you. He humps the bed, moans and grunts from your sounds. Honestly, he eats you out for his pleasure too. Coming home, and just sinking his tongue in your pussy? He loves it.
-Cooper loves to tie you up. We all know this. He really appreciates it :) He ties your wrists in front of you. I don’t feel like he’d love it for himself though. Bonus points if he ties you up and then eats you out.
-Okay. Cooper loves to get marked up. He has a very very high tolerance for pain. He took being TAZED multiple times and was only down for a few minutes. Scratch his back, slap him, hell even bite him and leave marks. He fucking loves it. If you drag your nails down his bare back…he looks like a fucking animal.
-But Cooper also likes to be submissive. Hear me out. I don’t think I would classify him as a complete switch. But a Dom/switch leaning. Like 70 percent of the time he likes to have control, as he said. “I’m in control.” However, if you call him a good boy, play with his hair, praise him and give him kisses? He’s puddle in your hands. If you call him a sweet puppy though…he would let you walk him like a goddamn dog.
-Submissive cooper has a mommy kink in my opinion. He loves to worship your chest, play with your nipples. He wants your approval. He wants to know you’re proud of him.
-Cooper I feel like wouldn’t regularly…sext? I think if he was gone a while he would love an occasional sexy picture but I don’t think he wants to tell you what he wants to do. He wants to physically show you. But sometimes on a phone call, his breathy and deep voice saying “can’t wait to see you when I get home.” You know what he means.
-Cooper isn’t shy about PDA but I don’t think he’s over the top. I feel like he has an arm around you, or hand on your waist/hip or hold your hand. Kiss on the head. But I don’t think he’d be overboard. He’s extremely possessive though. Don’t let anyone else look at you…
-Cooper likes to have alone time. But for some reason I don’t feel like he jerks off a lot? I mean anything he’d want I’d be ass in the air, but you know what I mean? I don’t feel like he THINKS about it? Very rarely, he will jerk himself off in his fist. Thinking about you.
-Cooper is the master of dirty talk. He has the perfect balance of praise and degrading. “Fucking needy little slut huh? Mmmm, such an obedient little princess for me.”
-Cooper has more…old time nicknames for you. Sweetheart, honey, sugar, babydoll. Sometimes princess or baby girl. But primarily, I think sugar or honey.
-I feel like Cooper would have a firm pressure if he held you. He’d love to hold you on his lap, rub your back. If you rest your head on his chest, he doesn’t “play.” With your hair; but more so massages your scalp or neck.
-Cooper likes to read I think or listen to audiobooks. He’d love to listen to you talk about books to if you enjoyed reading. And he’d love recreating scenes from romance books you like …👀
-Cooper I think is a spanker. He smacks your ass as you’re walking away. Especially when you’re bent over. He’d spank it so hard it would be red. Or if you’re straddling him, he’d grip your ass. But I think he likes tits too. He’s not picky.
-Cooper doesn’t have a “type.” In my opinion. But I think personality wise, he likes nurturing and caring. Someone sweet. He can find beauty in everyone. If you’re goth like me, he’d love that too. But whatever makes you happy.
-Coopers love language towards you is gift giving and physical touch. He likes to give you things or special gifts. And he loves to touch you. I think physical touch and words of affirmation make him feel loved though. Things he didn’t get growing up.
-Last but not least, Cooper loves dad rock. (Me too) but I think he has a guilty pleasure for pop music.
If I forget anyone; I’m sorry! Tagging @xxbimbobunnyxx @lovalova444 @rosaleelovesdilfs @cryobabyy @stillwjk-channie-lixie @redhead1180 @id-rather-be-in-middle-earth @rubyfruitjungle @dinbrowneyes @cellophane-wasp @cattt777 @horrorpiggy @oceanblvd111 @waywardtigersandwich @cherryinterlude @the-ghost-code @wildgirllz @redpillbluepill @velvrei @faelvz @sararuno
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I have an odd request… perhaps a captain price fic where the reader is much younger and edgy- likeee covered in tats and stuff,, and price isn’t rly used to that but finds it hot as hell… idk maybe they work together ?? Smut ensues …
IDK I have tatts and wonder what he’d think of that 👹👹
Just an idea 💡❤️😫
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Fire it Up (John Price x F!Reader)
Word count: 7.8 k
Tags/warnings: Smut 🔞 mutual pining, flirting, swearing, older man/younger woman dynamic, forbidden love, smoking & drinking, voice kink, a tiny brat taming kink squeezed itself in here too. Reader has tattoos and works as a coder at the base. Rough ~10yrs age gap described, reader is of age I hope to god it goes without saying (Price is canonically 37) Also: no use of 'daddy' in this fic
A/N: I'm so glad for this request anon and I hope you like what I made! Also people please be gentle, this is my first Price fic 🥹 God I wish I could attach the fat scent of cigar here to give you the full experience. 
You don't know what caught your attention first.
The cigar, perhaps. Or the beard? Might be his hips, the ass that tells you this man can fuck a woman for hours.
Or maybe it's the fact that he's too old for you.
No, not too old…
Just older than you. A decade, perhaps, if you were being gentle with him and lenient with yourself.
He certainly isn't old enough to be your father, but he wasn't the type of man your eyes usually drifted on either.
He looks like someone who's supposed to be fishing in Alaska, sucking that fat cigar while taking in the view of mountains while trying to catch wild fish in some wide, free stream. 
He's supposed to come home to a remote cabin: to his little wife who pours him a scotch after he has shown her what he caught today. Make sweet love to her while stars shoot and speckle the indigo night.
He looks like someone who makes love to women.
You, on the other hand, want to ride with him to the sunset on the back of a Harley, clutch his jacket as he drives you to some bizarre highway motel. You want to watch him drink that scotch from your navel. 
You'd do all kinds of crazy shit with him, keep his head between your legs with both hands, grind all over that mustache, and see how wet it gets. You want him to pound you with those narrow hips, take you from behind while you look back with parted, swollen lips and relish the sight of what must be a grown man's hardened body, covered with hair and scars and–
"The bug's still there."
You return to reality, look at the code on your screen, and then at your colleague, a 20-something bloke who looks at you with the lethargic stare that only belongs to techies. You've just been caught daydreaming your eyes off in the middle of a lazy afternoon. Coffee doesn't do shit after 2 PM…
"Yeah I know. I'm working on it," you say. But when the dude leaves, you decide it's time for a creative break. You tell yourself it's only because the code jumps on the screen, not because you hope to catch a certain someone smoking outside. 
The leather jacket is a little too much these days, but you throw it on out of pure habit. You realize the weight of your mistake when you go outside from the ventilated building and notice the sweltering heat. Spring has finally turned into summer.
Coffee doesn’t do shit, but it’s time for another kind of wakey-wakey. And butterflies are a funny term for something that mainly feels like it’s eating your insides out of pure excitement. 
Because he's here too.
Jonathan Price, although no one calls him Jonathan. Few call him John, either. 
Mostly, he goes by the title Captain.
He's stressed; you can tell. But his eyes soften immediately when they fall on you, a brief look to the side, just to know who else comes out to have a breath of fresh air or a smoke. He looks like he's been expecting you, but that might only be a silly girl's daydream. You two share a vice, and you've never been more grateful for your bad habit before this place and him.
And you wouldn't call it necessarily a bad habit. It's simply stress relief if you do it once or twice every few weeks. It's not like you smoke two packs a day. It's not like you even smoke one cig per day. 
Although ever since you started this odd little job in this odd little place, you've smoked one or two nearly every day… And it's not because of the stress.
It's because of Price. 
John. You’d like to see his reaction to you moaning that word in his ear…
"How long have you been here?"
His eyes are still on you, mouth covered by a hand as he makes love to his cigar. And that bedroom voice always gets you. It's better than the upcoming slow drag of nicotine. You're not here for tobacco at all.
"Two weeks." You reach for your excuse and try to prevent your hands from trembling as you light the cig. Usually, you're not this shy with people. Not with men, anyway. But with him, your wits and words disappear. 
You blow the smoke through the air with a quick, lively wisp where he lets it roll out his tongue in a heavy cloud. He's still watching you as if to weigh what kind of woman you are exactly.
"How about you?" You continue the small talk with nervous ease.
He chuckles; the little smile even shows a flash of teeth as he steals a look at the clouds, calculating years with those surprisingly lively eyebrows curled up toward the sky.
"Ages."
He's not that old. Perhaps well over his thirties, might be knocking his forties. The statement is merely an underline of his stress today. You can only wonder what kind of pressure the captain of Task Force 141 is under when you get sleepless nights from a stupid source code. There are a few wrinkles around his eyes, but they only tell you that this man smiles a lot. He might be the only one in this compound who smiles a lot.
"Have you ever tried a cigar?"
There's a glint in his eyes as he offers the thick roll of tobacco to you. It's suddenly difficult to breathe, difficult to even keep your thoughts together.
"No," you shake your head as if your answer wasn't enough to tell him he's the first person ever to offer you such a thing. Then you realize the word does not precisely deliver your eagerness to try that stout cigar.
"Would love to," you hurry to add with a soft smile. "Can I have a taste?"
He walks to you slowly, and your eyes drop to those hips, which sway like he's purposely trying to seduce you.
Fu–ck…
Then your eyes sink even lower, between his legs, to his fucking junk, and it's too fucking late–
Jesus–get your shit together…
You force your eyes back to his and see the little glimmer in them gain a surprised spark – you're totally caught red-handed on checking him out.
Fuck. How can you be so stu–
"Gently then, kid."
You swallow your heart and thoughts down and take the offered cigar; of course, your first thought is how thick and heavy it is. And somehow, you decide right then and there that you will no longer be the nervous, hot-cheeked woman on the corner.
It's time to make him flustered.
So you take a hollow-cheeked, slow suck on the fat cigar. A chaste, savory taste, more like, but there's nothing chaste in the way you raise your eyes to his, putting every ounce of soft seduction in that stare.
He draws breath slowly – his face is full of expression for an allegedly cold-hearted elite soldier. You don't know how often women flirt with this hunk of a man, but he sure looks taken aback by your sudden play. Probably thinks you're too young for him – and you curse the second time you put that jacket on. You want to see his reaction to your sleeves.
"Mm. It's thicker than I thought," you weigh the cigar between your fingertips and let the smoke roll out your mouth. The man switches his weight from one foot to another, speechless, and you suppress a big beam of a smile.
"The taste," you emphasize as if innocent, as if you didn't see that shocked little shift. "Round, and… god, it's almost sweet."
You smile as you give it back, and he chuffs an approving laugh through his nose – those eyes are bear-warm playful now, his mouth curves into an easy smile.
"Nice," you look him up and down as if you're talking about the man and not the cigar.
"Beats those little sticks." 
His voice drops down a few notes; it's almost a husky growl. You barely make out the words he's saying. The tension in the air could form little balls of lightning around you, the flirt is over the roof, and there's even no roof because you're outside – and you take your jacket off, slowly, to make it clear it's summer and not spring.
His eyes fall on the ink immediately, and he blinks a few times, draws some more breath – you tweet your thanks accompanied by another smile and go back inside.
You know he's checking your ass in those black jeans as you walk away.
….....
It doesn't end there.
You see him again and again and again, and at some point you realize he has to walk almost 100 meters from the other end of the base to get to the little corner where the two of you smoke. 
He's intrigued but decent. Holds a distance, never says anything that could be taken in the wrong way – or even in the right way. But he's fucking you with his eyes. 
No… making love to you.
And it drives you crazy.
You don't want that. You don't need that. To be that little wife in the cabin. Pouring him a drink, climbing in his lap, ghosting a finger down the stubble on his chin, see how wide and proud it makes him smile to hold you like you're his and his alone...
God. When did it come to this?
You suck on his fat cigar every now and then. Look him in the eyes while you do it. Once, it makes his tongue dart out, it wets his bottom lip, and then he does that thing with his mouth... the thing where he kind of purses his lips and it makes the mustache dip, and you realize, you learn it's a sign that he's restless, he's flustered.
You make the big, burly captain of Task Force 141 flustered.
And he doesn't smell like the people inside smell. Of stale coder sweat and Joy Division and soft drinks and mommy's home-cooked meals. He smells of rich forest and fine bourbon and half-burnt gasoline. Maybe Saxon on vinyl. Definitely beats those little sticks that are your nerdy co-workers at the hacker department, as you call it.
He may have a flask somewhere; perhaps he takes a sip or two every now and then, whether at work or not. And you don't blame him. Even with those laugh lines and that brown bear benevolence, you can tell he's seen things. 
You wonder what he's like out there in the field. Brutal? Or just efficient?
He never asks about your tattoos, but he eyes them often. There's a certain admiring esteem in his stare. He's checking you out, scratches his chin, and rips his eyes off when they start to drift down. He forces his eyes to stay above your neckline no matter the cost. You mourn that you got rid of the septum a few years ago: you're pretty sure he would've liked that, too. After all, it's a piercing that screams 'warrior' the most. Break after break, you return to your desk, aroused and giddy and surrounded by the rich, masculine aroma of his cigar.
One night, he drives by when you're walking home after what was supposed to be one or two pints.
The car is a big, black pick-up, and when it slows down and starts to inch by your side, your first reaction is a silent curse of why the fuck don't you carry some pepper spray in your pocket.
"Hey, you ok?"
Your head rises from the asphalt the second you recognize that smooth, pleasant voice of a man you had compared every guy to at the pub that evening. The whole man is brimming with burnt sienna, he's hard alcohol with no ice…
You stop and turn, a little wobbly from the pint turned to two or three. Or four.
"Yeah. Had a little girl's night out."
The car rumbles softly, not two meters away, and the sound reminds you of his voice. A soft purr that can turn into a growl, even a roar if he wants to. 
He looks like he's going fishing, even without the boonie hat. The dark hair is cut short, so you won't have anything to tug if he ever ends up between your legs. But you don't really mourn that fact, because he looks so damn good.
He looks you up and down, and you notice the briefest blob of his Adam's apple before he gives you another offer.
"Want me to give you a ride?"
Would love a ride.
Would fucking love to ride you.
"Sure. That's kind of you." 
Your eyes must be sparkling like the fucking stars.
"No problem at all," he leans his elbow on the open window and waits while you round the car and get in. You try to tone down your drunken state, but your moves are a little too brash for a calm and collected coder lady this man has usually caught leaning against the wall of the workplace you two share.
"Did you have fun?"
He sounds like a dad picking up his girl from a school disco, and you purse your lips in slight distaste and amusement.
"Yeah. You know how it is when someone asks you for a pint."
He gives a short laugh and starts to drive. "That never ends well."
You smile and turn to look at him.
"Mm… This one kinda did."
You enjoy the brief look out the window, the sight of someone so formidable and robust and experienced trying to find his way out by feigning something caught his attention in the black, empty distance of a quiet city.
"Glad I could be of service," he brushes off your flirt like it's nothing more than a speckle of dust on his coat.
The rest of the ride is silent, too silent. He turns the music off in case it "bothers you," and it turns into an awkward, overly polite fight about whether to keep it on or not. 
It's a minor shock to notice he was listening to some classical. Not 80's rock, not country, not even BBC. He was just soothing his nerves.
You can't put your finger on what makes you feel so sheepish around this man – usually, you put men on a leash with a few dry jokes and a hearty laugh or two. Now, your flirting is shy and does nothing: there's a wall built up, and from behind that wall, only a few stolen looks…
The pick-up is humming, the engine is running at idle next to your place far too soon, and it's time you get off the car – but you have vehemently decided you will knock down that fucking wall even if you have to drag him to your bed. 
"You wanna come up and have a nightcap?"
Another look out the window as he raises his hand over his mouth, fiddles with his mustache, and avoids the rising heat between you two.
"Thanks, kid. But you need to sleep."
Your heart is pumping, and you feel like a harasser as you place your hand on his thigh.
He doesn't move, but you can hear the audible swallow this time. He doesn't move a single finger even when you slide your palm down that leg, then drag it over to the inner thigh, and start to drift back up slowly, slowly, to give him the time and space to stop you before you reach….
….the visible bulge between those legs, the absolutely gorgeous, ample bump pulling at those pants, something so delicious that you must fight tooth and nail not to race your hand up there and give it a fond grope.
His hand falls over yours just before you reach it.
"Kid. Let's leave it here and call it a night."
His voice is strained and tight, and he's still looking out the window. You don't move your hand away because he doesn't move it away. His warmth stays there, keeping you against him, and you feel like shit for thinking it's not a no… That it's a yes when he seems to hold your hand as a prisoner, wanting to feel your dainty little palm against him.
Your fingers curl slightly, a hopeful gesture to imagine how it would feel to curl and claw at his hips and that ass while he's fucking you.
"Listen. You're a nice girl. A very nice–"
You give a heavy, demonstrative sigh and finally draw your hand away.
"Come on Cap… You're seriously going to give me the "you're a nice girl" talk?"
Finally, he turns. His nostrils quiver as he tries to keep his breaths calm. Your lips part like it's a whole caress he just gave you – and his gaze drops to your mouth instantly. You start to see where the problem is.
You're too young. 
You're forbidden.
"I offered you a nightcap," you tilt your head slightly. "You can come up or you can go home."
You wet your lips, give the bottom lip a tiny little bite, and offer him the last, inviting, soft smile. It must hold an equal amount of sorrow because you can't drown the bitter feeling of rejection, no matter how many drinks you've had that night. No matter how much he seems to want you, it doesn't change the fact that he's apparently decided to stay strong and keep his hands off the cookie jar.
You turn and get out of the car, lean on the door for the final fucking time...
"Didn't know I'd only get to suck your cigar... You're all smoke and no fire, Price."
The door flies closed with a louder slam than you originally meant. 
Now that was a little bit passive-aggressive, you have to admit. But you're drunk, and he's being a pain in the ass, calling you a kid, looking at you like that, having a fucking hard-on and giving you nothing.
…But it does the trick. 
You smile like an idiot when you walk to your place and hear the purr of the engine stop. Another car door opens, then closes, wide footsteps follow you…
A nightcap it is, then.
He looks even bigger when inside a place with walls and a roof. He stands inside your apartment tall and wide as if he's waiting to call attention. Those large hands are over his crotch, concealing the swell of erection you already saw in the car. 
You know the tank top you wear reveals even more skin covered in tats as you throw your jacket away and go get him that drink. The glasses glide on your table, slide nearly to the floor, and the bottle of Jim Beam meets the counter with a devastating clank. You look at the excuse to get him into your place and sigh. 
"You know what… Fuck this."
Offering cheap bourbon to someone like him seems a bit ridiculous. So you offer him something he might actually like. Something he actually came here for. 
You walk to him and throw your hands around him – he stiffens from the middle but looks down at you with a heated glimmer in those eyes. You could've sworn they were charred brown, the same color as his cigar, but up close you see they're actually molten iron. Mercurial.
"You sure about this?" He asks softly.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
He unclasps those hands from over his groin, and the warmest weight falls to rest on your waist, even steals a caress to your hip. You want to hurl yourself at him, press yourself against his crotch and grind until you bleed from just that tiny touch he finally gives you.
"You've had one too many, love."
Love…
Shit.
The warmth spreads from his eyes, from that hand, from the word that rolls out of his mouth like a beautiful puff of smoke. It unfurls inside your heart, swells inside your throat, plummets to your groin, and you switch the weight to your other leg to feel how that hand gains more weight as it gets pressed more firmly against you.
"Doesn't change the fact that I want you."
Your voice is nothing short of a purr. When have you ever purred like that to a man? You sound like a housecat, tame and adoring, waiting for a gourmet meal.
"You really want an old man?"
He still has that reserve in his eyes, decent and distant, but underneath, you sense a terrible heat, like the glow of a cigar lit in darkness, an adamant smolder that never dies out.
"You're not that old." 
Your purr turns into a deprived meow. You dangle from his neck, and the smoke, the fire that surrounds him, blends into the gentle scent of a man, the musk of a mature beast. You know he's hairy under those clothes; he fucking has to be. The vision of how his cock must look, surrounded by untame, coarse fur, has tormented you night after night.
And now he's finally here. In your apartment.
You skate your hands over his chest while slowly dropping into a squat, then languidly kneeling in front of his crotch.
He doesn't stop you, not even when you open his belt and the zipper and crawl your fingers down the waistband of his underwear. You have to stifle a delighted gasp upon seeing how his cock springs free and stands proud in front of you in all its glory. And fuck yes he's hairy – the hairiest man you've ever had. 
Cigars feel like tiny little sticks when you wrap one hand around him and lick the weeping slit like it's your favorite ice cream. The groan that follows is a husky eruption above you and gets stuck in his throat as you take him in your mouth.
"Fucking hell, kid…"
He's thick, broad, and the musk fills your nostrils, but what he just said makes you pull back and whisper on the bulbous tip–
"Don't call me a kid," you breathe on his cock, swirl your tongue around him, and his thighs bunch. "Old man."
You finally manage to push some buttons.
The back of his hand brushes your cheek, then slides over to your throat. He's gentle but firm as he forces a thumb under your chin, curls fingers around your neck as if you're a cat who's about to be force-fed some medicine that's only good for her.
"Is that how you wanna play it?"
His thumb brushes down the ridge of your throat. Tentative, promising.
"Perhaps," your lips quiver with anticipation as you smile; your voice is a pitched vibrato before it drops, just to give him a reason to put you in your place... "Old gum–"
The hand pulls up, the grip tightens just enough to guide you back to your feet and up to meet his face.
"Didn't know you asked me here to tame a brat."
Fuck…
You almost moan. 
The hand doesn't choke you; it makes love to you. Claims you as his. 
"Really…?" You sigh. Flash him a filthy, guiltless smile.
The fire surges forth and nearly buckles your knees. His eyes flash in rhythm with your grin, like a sudden flicker of a campfire in the middle of a dark, parched forest.
"This what you want? Hmm?"
The rumble reminds you of the engine of a Harley roaring to life. His throat is burned from the fire of his cigars, the hand on your throat is used to squeezing dead metal and pulling pins from frigid grenades. But even they can't stand a chance against his woodland fire and sycamore smoke. He could bring a cold, inanimate rock back to life with all that fire.
"Yes. I want it. John."
His name on your tongue is a cat's meow. It has the exact effect you hoped for.
"Let's get the brat tamed, then."
"Hah," you finally moan. "Promises, prom–"
The fingers around your throat pull you to his mouth with a python strength. His lips spread yours with soft devouring as he coats you in fire. The coarse beard smells of sweet tobacco – nothing like a pungent cigarette. It's like an old memory: safe and sturdy and strong. Male.
You moan in his mouth – god, what will it be like when he's inside you? – and he capes both arms around you and crushes you against him. Broad shoulders envelop you like a shroud of thick smoke, the cock gets trapped between you like a hot spear, and you mewl like a slut.
Your pussy clenches, just from his warm mouth, the rich velvet of his lips. He takes everything with that kiss, and you're weak in his arms as he bends and molds you against him just the way he wants, opens your mouth with his own and breathes you, samples you like those puffs of smoke he sucks from his cigar.
Your brain short-circuits, you barely notice how your top slides up as his hands go under it. It's dragged up, up, over your breasts and then over your head as he detaches just enough to rip that piece of clothing away. 
You look at him like he's Christmas, then reach for your bra while he opens his pants more to get them down. Your jeans are accursedly tight, and he's breathless, too: the whole room is dark and filled with heavy breathing and rustle of clothes as you claw your socks off, slide your strings down and away, watch him get out of his shirt and throw it on the floor too, all propriety gone.
And then…
Jesusfuck–
He picks you up, lifts you from the ground like you're nothing but a leaf, and strides with you in his lap until your back meets a wall.
The barrel-like chest presses the air out of your lungs while your back travels up – you don't know if his arms or chest do the lifting, but you're being positioned for his cock to enter. Your hands try to grasp something solid before it's too late – his back and neck – your legs wrap around him, feet hooking over his ass as the thick of his tip pokes your soaked folds, and after a few seconds of probing, slides in. 
"F–uck…" you gasp, sounding so needy that it could be a voiceline from a bad porno movie. His lips find the place between your ear and neck immediately.
"Be good for me now," he gruffs, dark and round like the sweetest bourbon, although you know he's the finest single malt in the world. "Be good…"
"Ah–John…"
I'll be good… 
Just for you, I'll be so, so good.
He pants heavy on your neck, grunts as he starts to fuck you against that wall. You knew he might be intense, but apparently, you had no idea. The man is needy as fuck, and has concealed it up until this point. 
You could cry, scream from joy from the thickness that spreads you, fills you with every fat glide of a thrust. The sex borders on rough but is so incredibly tender too, so needy it makes your heart collapse, compress into a taut knot in your chest. It's the softest rocking, the gentlest fucking as he retreats, then ruts into you again and again with sharp, rusty moans. You're in a slow but steady rodeo with this man, your breasts pressed against a solid chest covered with hair, and it tickles, even if his pecs threaten to crush your ribcage.
"You're one hell of a girl," he gruffs in your ear, beard grazing up and down your neck. "Taking me so– Fucking hell, look at you…"
His eyes are embers as they sweep over you: your abundant ink, the helpless, adoring look in your eyes, the little mouth that opens with a gasp, the trickle of sweat that forms between your breasts and meets the hair on his chest. 
He doesn't have to look down to see how greedy your cunt is for him. He can feel it.
"This is what you wanted the whole time? Huh?"
He's all smoke. All fire.
"Yes…"
"Wanted me to take you against a fucking wall? Eh?"
"Yes…just, just take me," you moan and purr some more, giving him everything he wants. "Fuh–fuck me good…"
"Ahh shit..."
You know you're a drug to certain decent men. But to him, you're a forbidden fruit in all its aspects. 
A calm, collected captain who enjoys wide respect, eyeing an edgy, younger woman from the tech department? That's not how this was supposed to go. Thirsting for someone who did what they wanted, looked just the way they wanted, walked this earth like a dark fairy – that's not his usual go, surely. He was supposed to settle down with a proper lady. If he were to settle down at all.
"I've dreamed of this," you whisper in his ear, lips moving just enough to deliver your secret to him.
"Yeah..? Me too," he gives your throat more love with a velvet growl. "Know I shouldn't, but–"
"Shh. Don't–don't…" You grip him tighter, taste the spruce and salt as you breathe his neck. "It's good. It's all good."
He rumbles in approval. Your skin is raw from his beard; even the coarse hair dusting his thighs feels too rough on your skin. And your skin is used to being needled, shot full of ink right inside the dermis. But this… This is branding.
You're silk in his rough embrace, and plundered with no remorse. You sigh and moan, hug him... And then he dares to stop, panting and throbbing inside you.
"Darlin'. Where's the bed?"
The soft question makes you panic. If you go to bed and let him push inside you while you're lying on your back, if you brave a look into those eyes while he takes you, you'll develop more than just a horrid lust for this man. If he collapses on top of you, spent and spoiled while you're at your most vulnerable, you'll tie a string from your heart to his, and you can't, you just can't allow that to happen.
Because he's untamed too. He's not a man who settles down, he's not up for domestication; he's a wandering fire.
"No–no bed," you pant on his muscles, the shoulder that keeps you safely pinned on the wall. "John…? Please."
He's breathing wild too, disguises his surprise well.
"Alright."
He sounds disappointed, and it's not because he doesn't have the strength to maul you against that wall. The rejection stings him too. It makes you want to offer a truce, a little something. When he rocks you again, you graze your fingers up the back of his neck, knowing he will feel ripples across his scalp from your caress.
"We can smoke a cigar after," you propose, not knowing why your voice still comes out as an airy whisper. "Together. I'll pour you that drink…"
His chest swells with a deep breath, he huffs fire on the hollow trench between your collarbones.
"Fuck, woman…" 
It's dense syrup that surrounds you much like those shoulders and arms, that coarse hair, that bold male want.
"And after that I want you to…" You catch your breath and sound like a mouse with your next shy question. "Would you go down on me, John?"
It's like you're under a bear attack, but he stills; his head tilts a little to the side and meets your temple. 
"You wouldn't tease a man like this," he says. A soft warning, brimstone coated in velour, but the core of it is despair. So much need, so much forbidden, distant want… 
"Right? No more teasing."
He's still thinking that you're teasing him… That it's some kind of a joke that you want him.
"I'm serious... I want your mouth on me. I need your–"
"I'll put my mouth on you as soon as we're done here, love."
You have to bite your lips, suck them between your teeth to prevent another deprived moan from escaping.
"Want you to fuck me all night," you continue to whisper on his neck. You should shut the fuck up because it doesn't take a bed to tie that string from your heart to his. After all, they're right there, beating against each other through bone and skin and chest.
"Yeah? That's what you want?"
"Want you to… F-fuck me slow and good from behind and–"
You sniff. Whimper.
You should be ashamed: mewling for more when he's already buried inside you. What kind of a brat are you, wrapping your thighs around that narrow waist like you never want him to pull out?
And you're not crying. 
It's just that the cock inside you is throbbing against your walls as if he's making a home there, his hands dig into your ass cheeks like you're his already, the breath upon your sweat and skin feels far too affectionate. When exactly did a raw wall-fuck turn into such an affectionate, gentle taste of love?
And it's not enough. You want to climb on top of him every morning, ride him slowly and watch him unravel as the sun climbs the sky and coats that fur in gold.
"Could you do that? Please… John, please," you whimper and whine, beg like you're tame already. 
"I'll fuck you all night if that's what you want. Fill this pretty, tight cunt up every way you like."
It's coarse smoke. It caresses you until your legs start to shake. He adjusts his grip, drags the pull-outs like he drags those pulls from his tobacco. Keeps you nicely in place for him to drive back in–
"I'll fuck you 'till you cry, love. Yeah?"
He punctuates that promise with another good, fat thrust. You moan all tame now – a rippling stream, laughing and crying in his molten hold.
His cock fills you while your thighs quiver and tremble in his hands. Your pussy throbs; it sucks him already, the orgasm is seconds away, and your fingertips search for support but only slip over sweaty, hard muscle.
John. John.
"Fuh-…"
He spreads you a little. Those arms are pure iron as they mold you for him to plow. You know he can feel the waves, the way your cunt grips him with longer, deeper pulls as you start to sound downright pathetic.
"Just like that, just like… hah…"
"M-hm. Yeah," he bends the vowels, daubs them with smoke. "That's it. You're doing good. Doing so well my love."
He huffs between the thrusts that have turned into slow, intense love-making. He's making love to you – god, why does he have to be like this…
"Cum for me. Nice and pretty, yeah? Come on."
He encourages you with words, but you can't hear them anymore.
Heat coils in the pit of your core just before you burst with a heady scream.
The spasm is so sudden you almost hit your head on the wall. He's at your throat the minute it's exposed, and your scream turns into a weak wail when his tongue grazes your skin. It's blazing, and dips into the hollow between your collarbones like it's a shot glass full of scotch. Next thing you feel is fire, even some teeth on your neck.
And you thought Price might, just might be intense…
Your head drops as the blunt of the orgasm leaves you. Your feet unclasp, and next up would be some soft waves, but the man continues to fuck your shattered cunt and marshmallow soul with a good, intense pace. The words that pour out of your mouth are those of a brainless person.
"Ah–hah, God–"
"Where's that cheek now, mm..? Pretty little thing."
"John–h…"
The thrusts rub you against that wall like he wants to staple you there.
"So nice and good for me now, ain't ya? Cummin' on command…" An amused chuff right on your poor, chafed skin… "Begging for my mouth and cock."
You travel up and down in a limp heap, trying to hold on to him with weak limbs as he drives into you with a tight series of half-thrusts. Your legs hang loosely on the side, but he has no trouble carrying the full weight of you.
"Slow–slowly, Cap…" 
"Ahh fuck–"
He swears on your ink, right on the trotting pulse on your neck. Through the vapor of man sweat and rich smoke and a whiff of cedar trees bending in the wind, you feel him tense and thicken.
"The fucking things you do to me…" he pants with a low growl, hushed but intense. Your pussy answers with a good, demanding pull. 
"Fuck… fuck–!"
You're a limp doll between him and the wall when he comes. Pressed between a rock and a hard place, literally. His chest being the rock, an entire boulder that whips the oxygen from your lungs as he drives deep, his balls giving a few taut pulls against your ass as he empties himself into you with a satisfied, dry moan. A dark, ripe blossom, shooting straight to your core while you're sealed tight around him.
The world goes still after that; the only thing that moves is your breath and his, a refreshing hot breeze coursing through the stale air. The darkness of the room isn't half as snug as the safety of his arms.
Your fingers find his neck, the short-cut hair and the skin pounding with a rush of blood. He lets you go reluctantly, bends a little to set your feet back to the solid ground. He doesn't pull out, keeps huffing all over you even when you're returned back to the earth. 
And you never want to come back. Your cunt still throbs around him and cries a tiny, thick stream down your thigh. His upper body still pins you against that wall, his breaths still mist your skin, caress the red burns of his beard.
He feels so good. Too good…
When he pulls out, he does so with intense care. He gives you some space to catch your breath, and you finally notice he has fucked your legs into splinters.
"I'm…" You break the hush of heavy breathing with a soft laugh. More viscous load pushes out of you with it. "I don't think I can stand."
"Yeah? Tried to take you to bed," he muses softly, sounding annoyingly content with his achievements.
"Gotta admit it was a good idea."
"As was the nightcap," he rasps, voice drenched in soft smoke.
"We'll get there eventually."
"I have no doubt about that."
You give him a soft, warm chuckle as you cast your eyes between the crest of his pecs. Rough, tight muscle meets your soft breasts with heaving breaths, and teases your nipples to taut little points. The wet hair on his chest looks good paired with your inked, smooth skin… You two look so goddamn fine together.
"I hope I didn't make you deaf with that scream."
He stands at his full height, but tilts his head down and slightly to the side as if you were a new, interesting species he's just found on his travels.
"Wouldn't complain, love," he says. More wet syrup, just for you. He weighs you with his stare, curious and appeased, and you feel shy. For fuck's sake, you still feel shy even though this man was inside you just a moment ago. 
"The bed. Now be a good girl and tell me where it is."
"Down the…hallway." 
A delicate little whisper, again.
It's laughable, how the veteran of Task Force 141 turns you into something so dainty and meek. Captain John Price takes you against a wall like you're nothing but a doll, makes you purr and beg, reassembles you into a weak-willed woman who gets carried to bed. 
This is not how it was supposed to go...
He lifts you back in his lap while you continue to hold onto him like he's your prince Charming. A laugh spills on your lips when he tries to lay you gently on the bed and you manage to pull him down with you. You end up tumbling there in a sweaty, messy heap. 
"Knew you were trouble," he's smiling too as he settles beside you. You curl and wrap yourself around him, your bodies mold and curve together like they're made for each other.
He's so solid, so warm, the kind of man you'd love to fall asleep on every night. No more cold sides of the pillow, no more tossing and turning and trying to get the code out of your head. Just… this chest, those ember eyes burning in the night. Some soft breathing, a roaring engine standing still, waiting for you, just for you…
"I hope this wasn't a one time only occasion," you test the waters.
"No." He shifts a little, disentangles from you slightly. "Unless you–"
"No."
You bend in his arms like a young willow, cut his doubts off with a kiss. It's passionate, and so sloppy it threatens to make the same sounds as your cunt and his cock a while ago.
The hand on your hip tows you closer, then steals its way down your leg. You hike your thigh up, perfectly willing. You're a sticky mess, but so is he: his rock-hard thigh meets your still soaked pussy like these two have always belonged together. And this man's full fire has escaped you until now. There are so many hidden, wild things in him too. 
He would look so good on a Harley… He would look good on a motel bed after riding for days and days with you attached to him like an eloped dark bride. The nights would be smeared with hot sex and cinder and smoke, a dash of scotch on top, he could drink it from your lips. You would serve it to him from your mouth, round the taste a bit so that it wouldn't burn so much…
"Have you ever been to Alaska?" 
The liquor is leaving you, but you don't feel any more sober. The lava in your veins has only been replaced by another kind of fire.
"No."
"Would you like to go?"
"What'ya mean," he murmurs on your tongue, and you know he's hard again just from the thick lust coating his voice. "What kind of question is that?"
"I was just thinking."
"What were you thinkin', kid..?"
"Don't… call me that," you laugh. In truth, you're growing quite fond of it. It reminds you of old movies. "Here's looking at you, kid" and all that.
His laugh is a charred roll in his chest. To him, you're a brat – an unruly kitten – no matter what you say. 
"Kid. Why Alaska?"
He's curious. Borderline hooked. You steal a peek into those vulcan eyes. 
"You'd look good in Alaska. Old man."
"Really," he rumbles a soft purr against your heart. 
Another soft kiss follows. Affectionate… He plays time, but he's also a probing, scanning. You bloom in his embrace, unfurl on his lips like he just wrenched you wide. He could haul you to the cabin right now and you would only cook him dinner.
It's too late, even if you try to shift after such a kiss. Escape to press your cheek against that place between his pecs, the spot where the hair is darkest and thickest. You want to lick that valley where his heart meets his musk. That scent must be born from a good, stout heart.
"Would you take me with you…? If you ever decide to go."
It's a fragile question. A baring of the heart. It holds so much more than an inquiry about whether he would whisk you away on a secret leave. It's strings, pulling from your heart to his, taking root.
"Sure. But you're quite a handful, love."
"Is that so…?" 
You crawl over him as gracefully as you can. He allows you to straddle him, and of course he does. You're no threat; you're only a one woman show. The only thing he's probably missing right now is a glass of scotch and a thick roll of tobacco. 
He takes in the view with hunger: not satiated by that pent-up fuck, just like you're not... 
But then his hands come to rest on your thighs to check if they're still shaking. The touch bleeds possessiveness: it's a thoroughly absent-minded, instinctual attempt to reach for you. It tells you you're exactly where you belong. 
"You seem like the kind of woman who's not for the faint of heart," he says like you didn't just mewl in his arms like the tamest fucking housecat.
And perhaps that's what intrigues him. Contrasts. And even more than that, the odd place where black fuses into white, the gray area where everything is possible. The split-second moment when the skin accepts the ink and traps it in. 
Everyone always says you get buried with your tattoos. That you should think twice before staining your skin with such permanent hookups.
But the thing is, you get addicted to it. It's like standing on the edge of a cliff before a bungee jump. You know you'll never be the same person after you jump, and you know you can't leave that cliff without jumping. It's a stalemate until you clear your mind of doubt and just plunge.
And you don't want to leave this earth without getting stained and sweaty, without dipping your soul into the full experience. You're supposed to get a little dirty. This is Earth, after all.
Your fingers disappear somewhere in his slick fur. Sunrise is hours away, but his eyes spark aflame. They're always, always smoldering like the butt of his cigar. He's a man who causes wildfires at the end of the world – he's a reckoning, a flicker in the dark forest, roaring into a bonfire as soon as the wind passes through the trees.
And you've always loved fire. Wild, and free. The only thing that competes with such freedom is a wide, wild stream. 
"But you can handle me. Right?" Your fingers curl softly around the hair surrounding his navel. "Tame me and everything?" 
It's an offering that causes even fire to tilt its head in curiosity. In the end, you're not sure who tamed who.
"Someone has to," he grabs your hips with rich promise. 
You'll pour him that drink. Light him a cigar after his mouth is full of your taste, see how well it pairs with fire and smoke. You'll toast to the Harley, the crazy motel… 
And Alaska. 
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foldingfittedsheets · 9 months
Text
One of my earlier jobs in life was at a little pizza place. I worked there when it was first starting up. It’s the only job I’ve ever been fired from and it was because a new manager came in and cleaned house. Because my state requires a reason to be fired he said I used too much pepperoni. So now on job applications I get to write that I was fired for “excessive use of pepperoni.” Never fails to get a laugh.
Anyway! For this story to make sense I’ve first got to set the stage. This pizza place started out as the Wild West of management but one of the original investors was super committed to work programs through the prison. We hired a ton of ex convicts and they were all, to a one, super hyped on Christianity. Like born again for the sole purpose of lauding Christ with their every breath.
I hadn’t been working there long but I’d definitely noticed the Jesus bug had gone around, and as I’ve never been religious at all I tried to steer clear of the topic for my own safety.
The day our story takes place, I was folding boxes. Anyone whose ever worked pizza can attest, there’s so much box folding. It’s something that happens at every lull, the pizza machine demands box folding on a grand and epic scale.
On my right folding his stack of boxes was a guy wider than he was tall, made of pure muscle, Corey. He was newer on staff, and due to a stutter he didn’t talk much. All I knew about him was that he got hired through the rehabilitation program and had done time.
On my left folding was a tall middle-aged woman who loved to yell at me, Cindy. She and I rubbed each other the wrong way and had nothing in common, leading to a tense working relationship.
We folded boxes in silence. This was really my best case scenario as a quiet Cindy was a Cindy not riding my ass, and Corey intimidated me.
But the weight of the silence grew too much for Cindy, who finally said, “I really want to go to bible school.”
I folded a box. I had less than no idea what bible school even was and I didn’t want to get sucked into a religious topic.
On my right Corey said, “W-why, Cindy?”
“Well, cause I believe what’s in the Bible, but I just don’t know it all.”
He nodded sagely to this.
Cindy continued, “And every time I sit down to read the Bible I get real sleepy. And I know it’s the devil.”
It’s so hard to convey her tone in written format. It was delivered with the emphasis and exasperation of an inevitable inconvenience. Like, I just know it’s the squirrels eating the bird seed.
I froze in place at this pronouncement. My only exposure to Lucifer was Neil Gaiman’s Sandman comics and I was trying to mentally twist into a frame of mind where The Morningstar cared enough about this one middle aged lady expanding her knowledge of the Bible that he followed her around cursing her with sleepiness when she picked it up.
I think I expected Corey to say, “Well that’s silly,” or something to acknowledge what a bizarre thing Cindy had just said.
Instead he said, “Yeah!” In a tone of complete agreement.
I didn’t look up. I tried to keep my face neutral at this development.
But something must have shown. Corey said, “You don’t believe in God?”
I shrugged casually and said, “If I did I wouldn’t talk about it at work.”
“C-cause it’s t-true. If y-you t-ry to r-read the B-bible on unsanctif-fied gr-round the d-devil m-makes you s-sleepy!”
I made a noncommittal sound and fled into the back room.
Over the next week it drove me crazy though. The logic of it wouldn’t leave me alone so finally one day when it was just Corey and I in front, and the restaurant was empty, I said, “Hey man, I have a question.”
He shrugged and listened.
“I really don’t mean this with any disrespect, I just genuinely want to know about the logistics-“
“J-ust ask.”
“Okay, so if Cindy gets tired when she reads any book, is it only the devil making her tired when it’s the Bible?”
His face went purple with fury and he yelled, “F-fuck you!” at my retreating back as I fled once more into the back room.
It will forever remain a mystery.
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