#when I draw old guys there gonna be silly and there gonna be dumb

[classics-cocks-and-concoctions]

Doodling some characters and this one was particularly silly

[enemyoflactose]

To start this off, I want to mention the extremely weird obsession you have with watering Ryou down to this dumb Femboy for having feminine characteristics. God forbid a boy- yes, a BOY, a 16 year old, anorexic and confused guy to not be the manliest guy alive. Also all the overly sexual things directed to him or in relation to him? They are just downright revolting and can be in no way justified. You wonder why people can’t recognize your Ryou art when you dumb him down to a fucking femboy. Ryou bakura is based off many other characters and is supposed to be ANDROGYNOUS. (hence his Female VA and overall appearance.) he is NOT a girl. Also, stop making him to look really fucking dumbed down. If you even read the manga, ryou is actually really fucking smart. He isn’t a bimbo, he isn’t some kind of fucking stupid silly uwu boy. HES A TEENAGER GOD FORBID HE EVEN EXISTS

The next thing I wanted to allude on, Marik's mischaracterization, oversexualization (again) and woobification? How are you gonna dismiss one of the best written Characters in the entire show just for a few petty arguments, rude and impolite at that too. You’re also a giant hypocrite. Being as Yami Bakura (your favorite character) is a bad person AND I WOULD EVEN SAY, HES AN AWFUL PERSON. more so compared to Marik. His redemption arc i can get as to why you’re so pissy about it but you need to realize that this is also a kids show with limited writing due to 4KIDS, manga is more well constructed. Honestly i just have a giant problem with your Marik. I’m not even gonna talk about the thiefshipping, angstshipping, and opinions abt YM..why is Marik in your head like a fuckass. Like, your perception of him is so weird. Marik is equally as bad as every villain in Yugioh, you constantly make him out to be a hypersexual sex craved MANIAC. Also not to mention the blatant racism on your blog (it’s self explanatory.) I don’t understand all the hate, from his arc to the character design…pick a side, do you hate him or do you only like him because he pounds ryou in your head :T

Also the pure, unadulterated watering down of SA in your "crimes of marik/yami marik" post? I can't put into words how extremely shameful it is, to disregard such an important and scary topic and to make a joke of it honestly. IT WAS NOT SA? the scene was ryou bakura about to FALL OVER because he is INJURED. Marik isn’t trying to do anything to him. Thanks for dumbing down real life situations you’re an awesome person

Where did you get that Ryou was anorexic? Being thin and not really eating a lot doesn't make you anorexic. I would know, I was almost diagnosed with it.

I head cannon Ryou as a femboy not because I'm sexualizing him, but because I want to draw a character that I like and relate to in outfits that I just want to see him in.

Do I end up drawing Ryou in sexual outfits? Yes. I'm sorry this upsets you, but I find certain typically sexual outfits such as maid outfits and MEIKO's Blue Crystal model to be very pretty and cute. Not to mention they're just fun to draw.

I have plans to draw Ryou in other dresses and skirts that aren't sexual, I wouldn't have this head cannon if I didn't.

I'm well aware that looking androgynous doesn't automatically make someone a femboy or tomboy. I may be dumb, but I'm not an idiot.

The kind of stupid that I think Ryou is, is the kind that makes you unable to see certain social cues or just be ignorant about a lot of things. I give him the same stupid that I have because I'm projected on to a character that I like and relate to.

I'm also still new to writing, so the way I characterize Ryou hasn't been shown to its fullest. I write him and acknowledge him how he's already written, but I add things to make myself happy. That's how fanfiction works.

I never said that Ryou was a bimbo, I said that he's stupid because he makes objectively dumb choices like keeping the millennium ring and not telling his friends about it. Also, yes I do know that he's being abused. From an outsiders perspective however, his choices just come across as looking stupid.

I am making light hearted jokes about a fictional character and projecting myself on to that same fictional character, and you have a problem with that?

And to talk about your insults to my art, I know that the reason I'm scared people won't recognize Ryou is because I draw him to like this:

Instead of this:

I'm well aware of that because despite my low intelligence, I can understand that he doesn't really look like Ryou.

Also, why are you so intent on telling me that Ryou is a boy? I know he's a boy. I constantly say that he's a boy and acknowledge that he's a boy. You need to identify as a boy to be a femboy 💀.

For your Marik takes, I have no clue what woobafication is. I also don't hate Marik because he's a bad person, I "hate" him (it's fucking theatrical you dumbass) because he has a poor redemption that needed to be explored more. Marik is a character that I genuinely like and I think he's fun and hilarious, I just have problems with how he was redeemed since in my eyes, he did nothing to deserve it.

Yami Bakura is also not my favorite character. Weevil and Joey are. I just talk about Yami Bakura way more because there's more for me to say. I like Ryou more than him as well because Ryou is my projection character.

I'm well aware that Yami Bakura is a worse person than Marik, he did almost kill all of Egypt is I'm remembering things right, but that doesn't mean that Marik isn't also a bad person.

Just because someone is worse than another, doesn't mean that that person's sins are cleaned completely.

Of course you don't wanna talk about the angstshipping thiefshipping discourse you little pussy.

Marik is objectively worse than Pegasus, Noah, Gozuburo, and the Douma trio. He kidnaps, brainwashes, steals, kills, abuses his brother, and all the while he still blames Yami Yugi for how he is.

Marik being hypersexual is just a fandom trop. That's why I think he is, because a pretty big number of people also think that way.

Where is the racism? I'm genuinely concerned about this one it is not self explanatory.

I do actually like Marik as a character, it's not because he pounds Ryou in my head, it's because he's entertaining. He's fun, I like fun villains. (His purple shirt is ugly as hell tho)

Now to talk about my biggest issue with you. You think I can afford to just read the manga and watch the sub, don't you?

Well guess what chuckle nuts, I'M FUCKING POOR

I don't have the money to buy more of the Yu-Gi-Oh manga or to pay for a Crunchyroll subscription.

I'm broke, no money, poor, jobless.

You're making the assumption that I can fucking afford to buy the manga. I have to ask my family to buy it for me as gifts for birthdays and shit. I literally have no money.

So let me put everything you need to know in a little list so you, and anyone else, can understand things about me.

I project onto Ryou

I think pretty boys in pretty dresses is cool

I actually really like Marik

My favorite character is Weevil

I happen to like angstshipping

I happen to not like thiefshipping

I think certain sexualized outfits are pretty or look fun to draw

I have media literacy

Fuckass is not a word in my vocabulary and I don't know what that means

Please block me 💕

[jacenotjason]

So small question just for the sillies how would each of the opposite Welcome home characters flirt with someone?

OOOO i love this ok hold on

How the opposite au characters flirt >:D this is a little cringe but i am FREE

Eddie: Eddie doesn’t really flirt in the commercial way, like pickup lines or whatever, but if you know him you know hes flirting. Like normally he’s very stoic and quiet, responding with one to two word answers, speaking very deadpan, not at all interested in you. But if he’s flirting, he’ll answer more interested, speak with a little more emotion, maybe even smile! And if he really likes you (if you’re Frank) he’ll be very interested and speak very much :D! Everyone else witnessing him flirting is like “?????? He has emotions???”

Julie: shes not gonna flirt she has a girlfriend how dare >:( but for the situation.. shes probably very flirty I can totally see it. Doesn’t matter if you’re the most hardened person, never getting flustered, when a preti girl like Julie is flirting with you you’re gonna be red. Anyway she probably says things like “what’s someone like you doing in a place like this?” Like complimenting you while insulting everyone else, makin u feel special hehehhhe

Sally: Ok, IRL Shes not much of a flirt. Shes very shy and might just give you a lil sticky note with a heart on it :3 HOWEVER on the rare occasion she’s flirting with someone online, shes a master >:D cuz its all over messages and shes not worried about the person judging how she looks or acts cuz shes a different person! So Julie gets flirty messages all the time lol

Howdy: oh he’ll let you know he’s flirting- hes like leaning on the counter n stuff idk- if you don’t reciprocate he just thinks your dumb. “You ain’t givin’ me much to work with, love..” tell him to back off and hes just gonna like roll his eyes and get back to whatever he was doing. Probably says something mean under his breath- lmao “yeah whatever you werent that hot anyways…” howdy is a frat boy apparently

Barnaby: barnaby is still figuring out his sexuality and stuff bc cult trauma, but if he was flirting I can totally see him doing that hand kiss thing lmao- very respectful flirting :3 old man language. He doesn’t call you hot or pretty, he calls you stunning and breathtaking i think everyone needs to be complimented by Barnaby once in their lives

Frank: lmao he’s very dumb, he’s gonna give you a card with crayon drawings of you guys holding hands. Lmao he does one of those “Do you like me? Yes ◼️ No ◼️” letters

Poppy: oh she is not shy about her feelings- if she likes you shes screaming that she thinks you look hot from across the room “THOSE PANTS LOOK FUCKIN’ GREAT ON YOU!!” Yknow

Wally does not flirt hes Wally

[quijabored]

SPOILERS FOR UP TO EP6 S5 OF BUNGO STRAY DOGS

HERE WE ARE AGAIN

It's been far too long for not watching BSD, but in my defense I've been playing bungo tales, drawing more bsd, (Dazai doodles will hopefully be up soon? If theyre not theyll be up tommorow) and I've also been in the midst if reading and writing for a book I'm working on.

So long story short, I haven't had much time to watch it, BUT IM BACK

AND DEAR GODS DO I HAVE TO SAY THINGS

FIRST OFF, *AKUTAGAWA*

FIGURED OUT WHERE THE NECK SLASH PANNEL CAME FROM, *BUT WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS*

MY SON, MY BABY, MY WILL TO LIVE, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GET HURTTTTT

HES NOT DEAD THOUGH I DONT THINK

THEY HAD ME IN THE FIRST HALF BUT THEN THE VAMPIRISM SHIT STARTED HAPPENING AND I WAS LIKE "OH THANK GOD"

If he does die I'm actually gonna start sobbing

I kid you not I went outside of my room and was like "HES- HES NOT DEAD. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE- UH-"

While like on the verge of tears

IT WAS SUPER FUN THOUGH

STILL A FUCK YOU FUKUCHI

HATE THAT GUY FR, I GOT SO EXCITED WHEN THEY FINALLY GOT THE PAGE BUT I KNEW IT WASNT OVER JUST YET BECAUSE THE ABRUPT ENDING WAS TOO ODD AND I LOVE CALLING THINGS IN SHOWS BUT NOT LIKE THIS MAN

ALSO AKUTAGAWA BACKSTORY KINDA????

HIS YOUNGER SELF LOOKS SO DEAD INSIDE PLEASE I WANT TO PAT HIS HEAD :((((

He would kill me if I got too close BUT SHHH

AND THEN BRAM????

I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

HES SO SILLY LIKE AAAAAA

IM GONNA GET TO HIM IN A MINUTE BUT I GOTTA TALK ABOUT TACHIHARA AND JOUNO FIRST

FIRST TACHIHARA

I KNEW HE WAS GONNA LOSE THE FIGHT AGAINST FUKUCHI, BUT GOD DAMN IT DID HE HAVE TO USE HIS STUPID TIME SWORD???

I HATE THE TIME SWORD SO MUCH IM GONNA MOP THE FLOOR WITH FUKUCHIS BLOOD

OH OH ALSO ALSO

TECCHOU AND JOUNO ARE *NOT* STRAIGHT BRO LIKE AINT NO WAY

I TOOK A SCREENSHOT FOR IT, THE LINE WAS, I KID YOU NOT, "Stop jabbing me in the ass!"

*MY MOTHER WALKED IN WHEN IT WAS PLAYING*

Most horrifying experience I've ever had, she just slowly walked away

ALSO THE FACT THAT JOUNO WAS LIKE "Wait till the other guys and Tecchou hear about this!"

Like why didn't you lump them together 🤨 kinda fruity if you ask me 🤨🤨🤨

I'm delusional

OH AND JOUNO BEING LIKE "You made the mistake of showing me how to care for the life of others"

LIKE AAAAAA???? I LOVE MY SON

ALSO HIS ABILITYS COOL ASF

And then Akutagawa bit him

SPEAKING OF AKU

I WAS STARVED FOR LIKE THE ENTIRE SEASON BEFORE I SAW HIM AGAIN, *AND THEN HE GETS ALMOST KILLED??? HELLO?????*

Seeing him w/o his coat was super fun though, I can finally figure out how his shirt looks for my artings

Makes me really sad how he sees everything as a test for Dazais approval though :(

Knowing he's gonna die due to a lung disease hurts, like I knew he was sick and stuff but still :(

WHEN THEY WERE LIKE "Im gonna kill you Atsushi! RAAAHHH!!!" AND THEY STARTED RUNNING AT EACHOTHER I WAS LIKE OH FUCK YEAH THEYRE GONNA TRICK HIM

And then Fukuchi went back in time.

ALSO TACHIHARA BEING LIKE RAAAAHHH IM A PORT MAFIA MEMBER NOW RAAHHHH LIKE I LOVE HIM

AND AND AND NOW FOR MY FAVORITE SEGMENT

BRAM AND AYA!!!

THEYRE SO SILLY OH MY GOSH I LOVE THEM

Imagine putting your pink children earbuds into a Gothic Victorian man's earlobe, ant other person from that time would've called it witchcraft

THE WHOLE RADIO THING I LOVE IT

"Im trying to sleep." LIKE ANY TIME HIS COFFINS OPEN I LOVE HIM

I just have to hope nothing bad happens cuz everyone's like on the brink of death right now

KUNIKIDAS NOT GONNA DIE, I KNOW THAT FOR A FACT (If I turn out wrong by the time the series ends Im crying)

I love how hes yapping about old stories and how he's super strong and then Ayas just like "The huh??"

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

OH ALSO

WHEN JOUNO WAS IN THE MEETING WITH EVERYONE AND HE STOPPED BEFORE FUKUCHI LEFT THE ROOM I WAS LIKE "HAHAHA ITS OVER FOR YOUUUU"

AND WHEN HE TRIED TO PLAY DUMB I WAS LIKE HUH??? AND RHEN HE WAS LIKE "I knew before this, Fukuchi." AND I WAS LIKE CALLED IT

I love bsd I love bsd I love bsd I love bsd I-

TERUKOS SO SILLY I LOVE HER SO MUCH

ALSO RANPO AND POE ARE SO SILLY LIKE YOURE TELLING ME POE WROTE A BOOK FOR RANPO AND THE AGENCY TO HAVE A MEETING IN JUST BECAUSE HE ASKED??? I LOVE THEM

THERE HASNT BEEN MUCH TECCHOU CONTENT BUT WAAA WAAAA WAAAAA I LOVE HIMMMMM

HES SO SILLY AND ADORBS

Not as much of an adorbie worbie as Akutagawa tho, no one can top my son

Love Mori when hes not being a creep, I still hate him but his character interests me to say the least and Ill analyze him further eventually.

OH

I THOUGHT I WAS ALMOST DONE BUT NO

DAZAI AND FYODOR ARE FUCKING INSANE

I love both of them.

POOR SIGMA BRO HES WATCHING THEM WILLINGLY PUT POISON INTO THEIR BODYS???

IS DAZAI GONNA LIKE USE HIS HEARTBEAT SHIT TO SLOW DOWN THE THING OR IS NIKOLAI GONNA BE LIKE "Yeah Im gonna help you because I want my bestie to die :3"

NIKOLAI CALLING FYODOR BESTIE IS WHAT GIVES ME LIFE I LOVE THEM

I didn't see a chess board when Dazai and Fyodor were in their weird bubble cells, but Fyodor called Dazai his chess buddy, so I'm 90% sure they just kinda...

"I move my rook to E5."

"You dont think I saw that coming? Knight E5."

"Hm, whatever. I already planned this out anyways. Queen, E5"

"Hah, youre only just starting to fall into my traps. Ill play the waiting game. Pawn, D3"

BUT LIKE IN THEIR HEADS

HELLO???? THEY??? HOW???

I love playing chess sm though, very fun game would reccomend

I play chess with my therapist actually :3

It's really neat, live laugh my therapist bro

I THINK THATS IT BUT IF I REMEMBER ANYTHING ELSE ILL SAY IT LATER!!

LIVE LAUGH ASAGIRI BRO

[thewrongwarrior]

Opinion on Frazel?

I don’t understand when people say that Frazel was rushed in the books, because I don’t think they were- they crushed on eachother throughout the entirety of the series and only officially got together during the blood of Olympus. I think they were pretty cute up until then, to be honest.

When people see this ship, they’re like ew the age difference is weird, and to be honest, it kinda is. But their on a trip of life and death and they don’t have time to think about who they’re dating and whatnot- in another time they would’ve thought it out, but the time that they’re in now didn’t let them do that.

And arguing that Hazel is canonically 80 years old is dumb because the same goes for solangelo and Caleo- Nico is like 80 something years old and Calypso, who’s thousands of years old. If your gonna call it weird on hazels part, then you call all those other ships weird. Also, mentally and physically, she’s still 13. Or, 14, I think she turns 14 in the books.

Age is weird in this series so arguing about all of this is kinda silly- the age difference is weird, I agree, and it’s kinda uncomfy, but-

I think their relationship is pretty cute, if we excuse the age difference. We need to understand that throughout the series, they’re kinda in a very traumatising and tough situation, and they’re kinda becoming each others life-lines.

I think that the whole Leo plot line is so fuckin stupid, I understand why Frank felt threatened by him but like- ugh, I wish Hazel and Leo became good friends by the end of it. We got like a couple of scenes of them being friends, but it wasn’t enough for me.

But the scene where Leo describes Calypso and Hazel draws her and then he keeps the drawing in his workspace is really nice.

BACK TO FRAZEL- I like the plot line of Leo telling Hazel and Frank about him sacrificing himself, I think it weighs a lot on the both of them but it’s a nice point for all of their characters. I wish we got a scene of Leo and Frank being friends instead of it being Frank hating Leo, Leo helping Frank with his firewood problem and then him bursting into tears when Leo tells him he’s gonna die, like-

What are you doing Frank, c’mon; get it together. You hated him all you’ve known him and now you weep at him announcing his death to you guys? What? Like a scene of them talking together would’ve been nice- in this fictional scene, I imagine that Frank might’ve asked Leo, ‘hey, what flowers do you want me to put on ur grave?’ Lmao, yk?

Anyways, Frank and Hazel.

They’re really cute, I think them ruling new rome together is really adorable. The age difference is weird but it’s weird for almost all of the most popular ships in this fuckin book series, so-

okay, FRANK, HAZEL AND PERCY LIKE THEIR TRIO IS SO GREAT OMGGG <3

[lpsgirl109]

INFO DUMP ABOUT X MEN OC SBN OW

AAAAAAAA OKOK

This is gonna be just the most basic rundown of all of them cause there's many and if I went in detail about them we'd be here forever

Alkali Ashford

Alkali was my first x men OC. Her ability is turning into dinosaurs. In her regular form, she has stripes and a tail, so she needs one of the camouflage watch things. She's besties with Kurt, but her arc is sort of opposite to his in the sense that while he wants to fit in and hide who he is, she wants to stand out and let the world know who she is. She's very fun I love her. Also fun fact this is the character that got me in trouble in that one rp server I mentioned a few nights ago, where they yelled at me because they decided shapeshifters aren't allowed only after I submitted her. They hate her because she's too swag for them to handle

Milo

This guy and the next character are basically recycled versions of ooold old OCs of mine. Milo has two water serpent things that he can control. He starts out kinda scared of them because, unlucky for him he has a fear of water due to almost drowning as a child. But overtime he learns to appreciate them

Marigold

Other aforementioned old recycled OC. Her mutation is physical in the sense that she has cat ears and angel wings, so she also needs a camouflage watch. However unlike Kurt and Alkali, she never really faced a lot of discrimination growing up because her mutation is considered beautiful by most (There's lots of angel devil comparisons with Marigold and Kurt it's so fun it's so fun). She's known Milo since they were kids because she is the one who saved him from drowning. They're dating now. Ew romance

Peter Maximoff

"Peg that's not an OC" yeah so I made an Evo version of Peter because I was STUPIDLY obsessed with this man in like 2021 idk what was wrong with me. Anyway he's the twins' half brother and I have yet to figure out what happened between Erik and his mom. He has a really dumb rivalry with Pietro its so funny

Ezekiel

Or Zeke for short. His thing is seeing and talking to ghosts. Lance recruits him to the Brotherhood for all of two seconds before Zeke befriends Kurt and jumps over to the X Men instead. He also dates Kurt later so i can live in my RogueKitty delusions but shhh

Indigo

These next few are part of the new mutant squad. Indigo's power is bringing drawings to life and she has a fun sibling relationship with Peter. They're also a little bit Too wiling to commit murder

Niko

Also a recycled old OC. He has a snake that sticks out of his back. Not much more to him yet, he just has a snake

Ozzy

Cool guy who turns into a fish person when in the water. May or may not have been inspired by Luca. Also for anyone who knows my habit of making Harry Osborn inspired OCs and naming them Ozzi. This guy is not one of the Harry clones, he came way before the raimi fixation attacked me and dragged me to hell

Markus Lang

Member of the X Men and one of the mentors alongside Ororo and Logan. He can turn into a dragon. He might end up dating Logan idk I think they'd be silly together

Gwen Ashford

Alkali's adopted younger sister who has rock powers. She's part of The Brotherhood and she is an absolute menace to society

Wyatt Elsher

This guy is able to turn into like a goop furry thing and I'm being so honest to god I based him off the fucking Transfur Outbreak game on roblox. Embarrassing. Anyway he was childhood friends with Marigold and lived in her old neighborhood, and I imagine initially his mutation was just becoming some sort of werewolf thing. Then he got sent to this lab place that claimed they'd 'cure' him but ended up fucking him up. So now he's goop. He also joins the Brotherhood and has a rivalry with Marigold

Harper

Regular ass human girl who Alkali meets at a party and falls head over heels in love with her. She also sort of adopts Kurt into her friend group after the mutants get exposed, seeing he's alone now and wanting to help him. She does guess he's also a mutant, but she's fine with it

Thats all of em!! It's entirely possible I'll make more soon, but this is who I got right now. I also have like the crumbs of a fic for these guys on wattpad but it has like one chapter that was written in 2021 and also features very shitty old art. If yall want it though I'll link it. I do plan on working on it again eventually

[gutwrenchflowerbomb]

And I’m not even an Elite girly or whatever. Everyone knows I’m Team Best Friends. And I was a HUGE Punk fan from back in the day.

And I'm gonna rant a little. Or a lot. But I'm gonna put it under a cut because I know many won't care and I don't expect them to. I'm not even going to tag it. I just wanna use this like I used to use tumblr back in the beginning times - like a journal to vomit words all over.

Look, I’m just some bitch who has a lot of experience with people of all personalities. I’m almost 38 years old, have been working legit tax-paying jobs since the age of 14, 85% of which have been positions where I deal directly with the public. I think it’s not hyperbole to say that in 24 years I have learned how to spot a fucking asshole from 15 miles away, both with customers and coworkers. It makes the job so much worse.

Especially when one of the employees is that guy who wants everyone to think he’s the hardest dude around so badly but then fails to realize that nobody gives a shit. It’s a stunted 16 year old mindset coming from a 40-something year old man. And it’s not like this whole situation was an anomaly. He has a clear history of this kinda shit. He’s gonna do something shitty again, it’s just a matter of time.

And yet, here he is. Why? Because he can draw? Okay. Yeah, sure he will sell merch and tickets or whatever. But is that worth it if it results in a big chunk of your employees being unhappy? Will it be worth it when the people who have been there from the jump - the ones who carried the shit through the pandemic, the ones who went along with shit fucking booking - don’t renew their contracts? Will it be worth it when the toxic situation drives away the FANS who have been there from the jump?

I've been a wrestling fan for nearly 30 goddamn years, I am well aware there has always been real beefs and shit between people. That shit was just never as transparent as it is now. Social media, the fact that kayfabe doesn't really exist anymore (which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I digress) leads to this kinda shit.

Like. I just wanna watch fucking wrestling.

I wanna be taken out of the reality of everyday life. I wanna make silly jokes about gear or promos or dumb storylines. I don't want to have to sit and watch and wonder if every single line in a promo is a subtle jab at someone else, if someone is 'shootin' on someone else, oh no! who's gonna be mad, what will the dirt sheets say?

All of the attention is taken away from the performances and the talent busting their ass, literally breaking their bodies for fans. It's fucking selfish.

I just wanna watch wrestling.

[arinsanity]

woah 1 year anniversary to my first ever post !! i still find it funny how this all started becuz i basically just looked at this one random day and decided "yeah why not i'll post that on tumblr"

i'm gonna just ramble a bit here about my experience, it'll be long since i love typing whole ass essays on the littlest of things for some reason so yeah! :]

inscryption tumblrposting has been very fun! :D it was my first time using tumblr so i was also learning how tumblr worked along the way

i usually only use instagram for posting my art, but the main reason i ever started posting anything on tumblr is becuz i was early into my (sudden) inscryption fixation back in like february 2023, and i was searching EVERYWHERE for inscryption fan content to consume like a starved madman. but the thing was that i became a fan of it like 2 years late so all of the content i found was old and i thought the fandom was dead at that point..

that is until i noticed that most of the fanart i saw on google seemed to be from tumblr, so i just ended up scrolling through the inscryption tag for a while. though i realised that there were still new posts coming in on the tag, and i thought "woah is it still alive on here?!"

eventually i posted my silly p03 with legs drawing one day to tumblr becuz why not? funny thing is i wasn't even planning to post more stuff after that.. but i did, posting more of my inscryption fanart on here later on not really thinking much of it :3

when i saw that my dumb silly stuff actually seemed to be getting some attention, it just fueled more of my surprise seeing that there were still people who were active in the fandom. that's when i decided i'd be posting all of my inscryption stuff on tumblr, and eventually this became an inscryption dedicated account :D

and now i am where i am, and i'm very happy about it :] i love this game sm and i'm glad to be making content of it whether it's silly art or dumb memes!! i also love seeing new cool content being made for this amazing game, the community has been very nice and i'm very thankful for all the support and new friends i've gotten along the way! :D i love interacting with you guys and y'all are amazing, love y'all! :3 💖💕/p

have a kitty! as usual :]

greetings, inscryption fandom!

i am making this my first tumblr post because i can and there's nothing better than P03 with legs!

[enhyupn]

paring: jake x gender neutral reader

disclaimer: this isn’t proof read so there might be som mistakes here and there :[

word count: 2.3k+

genre: fluff, just pure fluff + crack!?!? reader and jake are insanely oblivious

a/n i kinda realised this was centred around jungwon and sunoo messing around but! there is kinda some romance… anyways i wrote this on my other account and and this is pretty bad since i feel like the ending is rushed too T___T

yang jungwon and kim sunoo were taught to never, big emphasis on never, meddle in things that weren’t their business. however, it’s safe to say that the two threw away that lesson for something they found more important. and that was y/n and jake sim, their loving but yet so so oblivious friends. at the start, the blushing and giggling at each other’s terrible jokes were tease-worthy, maybe even cute? but now, it’s so unbearable and exhausting that even their homeroom teacher can’t even understand why they aren’t dating.

that’s why the two friends devised a plan, actually multiple plans. plan a, for when things will go smoothly. plan b, for when there’s a tiny bump in the road. plan c, for everything above have failed. three plans filled with clichés to get their friends to finally ask each other out, what could go wrong?

i. PLAN A

the plan was simple, a (fake) love confession placed inside the locker of an unsuspecting y/n. the contents of the letter were laughable, the pair having a good time trying to make jake sound childish and silly in his love letter.

“you’re making him look like a seven year old jungwon” sunoo told him in between laughs. “why did you draw this in crayon? you and i both know jake’s a muji pen user”. the two were standing right in front of y/n’s locker, both keeping an eye out to see if one of the two oblivious idiots were passing by.

“it’s all i had on me!” jungwon cried out as he eyed the end of the hallway, ‘okay hurry! the coast is clear no sign of dumb and dumber’.

sunoo, not really trusting jungwon’s eyes, takes a good look of their surroundings. he made sure to look out for sunghoon too as he tells jake everything, and that means everything. the boy will never forget about the time jake had teased him for telling a cashier to ‘keep the change’ when he still owed them thirty more cents, something only sunghoon was present for.

“okay” sunoo carefully slid in the love letter into the thin opening of y/n’s locker. “it’s in, hurry and hide! i swear their class ends in- ”.

“hurry!” the sound of the bell causing the two to run off in opposite directions, their hiding places letting them get a good view of the show they (technically) directed. the pair watched as y/n left their classroom, unsurprisingly with jake following closely behind them. the sickly sweet smiles plastered on their faces? the heart eyes? the giggling at every single word being said? they were in love, but the two fools were so oblivious to it.

eyes followed them as y/n headed to their locker, sunoo and jungwon couldn’t understand why they were sweating so much. was that a sign that their plan wouldn’t work? nah, it was bound to work. only someone incredibly stupid would not see the huge letter right in front of them-

“ready?” jungwon overheard jake speak. jungwon knew that sunoo was just as confused as he was. did they not see the love letter? it was so big and stupid looking that they couldn’t have missed it. maybe he shouldn’t of doubted the two, maybe they were as incredibly stupid as he had doubted them to be.

“yup!” y/n said cheerfully. sunoo could feel his forehead wrinkle in annoyance when he realised the two didn’t even acknowledge the letter, in that very moment he knew he had to make the next step.

“y/n! jake!” the boy walked up to the pair, jungwon’s eyes widened when he realised his partner left his hiding place, what is he doing? he watched as sunoo glanced over at him with a look that basically said ‘leave this to me!’.

“sunoo!” jake greeted him warmly, “i thought you had algebra now?”

“nope! i have a free period right now”

“oh, then why are you here?” jake sounded and felt confused, sunoo never visited him during free period unless he wanted something or he needed something. “i don’t have five dollars by the way”.

“i don’t need money! it’s kinda harsh that you think of me like that jake” sunoo pouted through his words. “i just wanted to say that i’m inviting everyone to my house tonight! since it’s a friday and we haven’t all seen each other in a while”.

“oh! that sounds fun” y/n replied with a cheery smile, “i’ll be there, well jake and i”. sunoo couldn’t help but notice the growing blush on the boy’s face at the sound of his name, gross.

“great, see you two tonight”

sunoo smirked as he waved the two off as they headed towards their next class. not forgetting jungwon, he signalled the boy towards him to tell him the rundown of what had just happened.

“so plan a was thrown away after a mere three minutes?” jungwon looked at sunoo confused.

“stop thinking it failed!” he rolled his eyes, “it didn’t! it just, helped us get on the next step”.

“so basically plan b is a go?”

“plan b is a go”.

ii. PLAN B

what could get more cliché than a movie night date? a scary movie night date. sunoo and jungwon both knew that this was the plan that was going to start the blossoming relationship of jake and y/n. the plan was simple, jake and y/n will obviously be sitting together and when a jump scare shows up, y/n will jump into his arms! sunoo bets that they’ll look at each other in the eyes and confess their feelings right then and there. jungwon bets the opposite, he thinks that they’ll awkwardly pull apart from each other, the rest of the night they won’t stop think about each other and when they walk home together that’s when they’ll simultaneously confess to each other!

“y/n! sit beside me!” a voice across the room caught the attention of the two boys. they knew for a fact it wasn’t the voice of jake, meaning it could be the only other person glued onto the other hip of y/n.

“ riki!” y/n flashed another smile, “of course”. the two boys watched as they left jake’s side to sit in the empty space beside the fifteen year old.

“what do we do now…” jungwon whisper shouted in sunoo’s ear. the boy flinched at the loud noise before swatting the boy away. the pair could tell that this plan wouldn’t work as well as they thought, maybe it was the dependance they had on clichés? maybe it was that the two were unpredictable at times? they didn’t know, all they knew was that they wanted all the credit for the (almost) new couple.

“don’t worry my good friend, i have the perfect plan” sunoo’s annoyed expression morphed into a smirk.

“you said that last time! now riki’s the one that’s gonna be in y/n’s arms during scary jump scares while jake is sitting crisscross applesauce right in front of them!” jungwon’s frowned, “if anything let me handle it”.

“do whatever you want but i’ll- ”

“riki!” a sudden voice in the room causes the bickering boys to turn their heads, “don’t you need help with your world history homework? you asked me if i could help you while they watch their movie”.

“i did?” riki replied in a rather confused voice.

“yes, you did” heeseung said through gritted teeth. the group of boys watched as the oldest lightly dragged the youngest into sunoo’s kitchen. y/n watched in concern, not knowing if they should help riki or scold heeseung for being so uptight during a movie night.

“can i sit here?” jungwon and sunoo squinted when they realised jake was asking the question. the two didn’t know why they felt butterflies over the simple question.

“sure!” another one of y/n’s signature smiles blinding the boy in front of them. “i mean now that riki’s been taken away! wait no- i didn’t mean it like that. obviously i want you to sit beside me- ”

“y/n it’s okay” y/n’s embarrassingly long spew sending a second hand embarrassment shiver down the two boy’s body. jake laughs quietly as he place’s himself down beside them, a growing blush placed on their ears and cheeks.

“do they both not realise the whole room is watching them?” jungwon whispered into sunoo’s ear. sunoo looked around and it was true, the scary movie was quickly replaced by the bashful (almost) couple.

“what are you two doing?” sunghoon joined their conversation. the boys jumped in surprise, not expecting him to even talk to them. everyone knew that sunghoon took movie night seriously, he would watch the movie without making a comment unlike his talkative friends and finish his night up researching the movie’s end and plot.

“talking about the movie obviously!” sunoo smiled innocently.

‘“liar” jay whispered, “we all know your little scheme, you never invite us over”.

“hey” jungwon whisper shouted at the group of boys surrounding him, interfering so the two wouldn’t start bickering. “wouldn’t jake and y/n get suspicious over the fact we are grouped together in the corner of the couch whispering to each other?”.

“dumb and dumber wouldn’t even notice if we threw a rock at their heads right now” the group glanced over at the pair, their stiff positions and the small i’m-in-love smiles plastered on their faces were enough proof that the two were in la la land.

“you guys meddled too?” jungwon tilted his head in confusion.

“why did you think riki was so confused when heeseung said he’d help him with world history?” sunghoon sighed, “he doesn’t even do world history!”.

“you could of told a better lie” sunoo rolled his eyes, ‘jungwon and i had an amazing plan- ”.

“but heeseung! i don’t even do world history, why do i need help with homework?” sunoo couldn’t understand why he kept getting interrupted.

“i guess it would of been smarter to let riki into our plan” jay rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

“riki, i’ll explain! now get back in the kitchen, don’t you want to know who anne frank is?” riki and heeseung entered the room, heeseung with a frantic look on his face while riki looked annoyed.

“i know who anne frank is!” riki frowned, “you weren’t even asking me about world history anyways! you kept asking me about our dance club, the one we are both in”.

“i’ll talk about world history now! um, world war one?”

“wait” riki squinted his eyes at the jake and y/n, who were sitting rather close. ignoring the oldest’s question, he walked closer to the pair.

“what is he doing…” jungwon whispered.

“are you two dating?” the sudden question from the youngest’s mouth caused y/n to flinch in their seat.

“oh my god” sunoo blurted out.

“did he just start plan c without even knowing what plan c was?”.

iii. PLAN C

plan c, or what the two boys would like to call it, plan confirmation. the final plan if all things went wrong, in all honesty nothing in plan b went wrong. however the curiosity of nishimura riki quickened the pace up. the contents of the plan were simple, straight up asking the pair if they were dating. it was a simple but not so romantic way to start dating, and that was the main reason it was the ‘if all else fails’ plan.

“no” the group of boys didn’t know that one word could shock them, i mean they saw it coming due to the fact they were completely oblivious but they didn’t know it would shake them up this much.

“no it’s okay you can tell them y/n” jake’s words only shocked the boys even more, their eyes widening in surprise to hear the almost confirmation of their relationship.

“what do you mean? you said the letter in my locker wasn’t from you?”

“it doesn’t mean i don’t don’t like you?” jake said confidently.

“wait…” jungwon stared at the two, “you found our letter?”.

“jungwon! you weren’t supposed to say it out loud” sunoo scolded him through gritted teeth.

“shut up” jay whispered in their ears, “something’s gonna happen i can feel it”.

everyone could notice the red tinge on jake’s ears. they watched as he rubbed the back of his neck while y/n stared at him in utter confusion.

“i like you, y/n” the blushing boy said quietly but just loud enough that they could hear it. “i swear i was going to confess in a better way but i’m kinda under pressure right now…”

“oh?” y/n tilted their head to the side, “i thought you rejected me?”

“i did?” jake looked as confused as everyone else in the room.

“you told me on new year’s eve to wait and i thought that was you letting me down easy”.

“you did?” the bewildered look in jake’s eyes confused y/n even more.

“that’s why you left early?”

“i feel like they needed to speak about this a while ago” sunoo whispered into jungwon’s ear.

“it doesn’t matter now! what matters is that i like you too” y/n smiled happily.

“oh” jake let out in surprise.

“this is way more sickly than i thought this moment was gonna be” jay mumbled bitterly.

“so you two are dating?” riki asked, not really processing what had just happened.

“are we?” jake turned to y/n.

“yes”

maybe the plans a to c did work? i mean if it wasn’t for the help of the meddling jungwon and sunoo did, the almost couple turned into a real couple. the pair in all honesty really didn’t care that much, they were just happy they got the real thing they wanted.

the satisfaction knowing that they were the ones that played wingmen.

“thanks riki, i couldn’t of done it without you” jake smiled at the youngest.

or maybe, this was gonna be a long night.

[umbrenshadow]

ok so it was at a movie theater. long ass rant ahead, with pictures for your viewing pleasure

very VERY fancy looking, like the interior looked like a fucking palace, i was in a suit and tie and felt very under dressed, like jsdfhsdb that was the fancyest place ive ever been in, there were so many chandeliers. marble work, winding staircases to get to the upper floors.

so i go up those stairs and sit in the interview room...because its a group interview. the. fuck idk the word. people wanting this job slowly start coming in, and like everyone looks like there from everywhere. we were all the token whatever you wanna call us. but the people wanting the job werent important hdbfhsd

the guys coming to interview us finnaly arrive, and...it was an old guy, some guy named steeve and elon musk from wish. theyre all in polo shorts and just massive fucking dorks, but not the cool kind.

they all give us sticky notes...and ask us to write our names, and our favourite movies. i freaked out and put everything everywhere all at once, because i had just seen it and forgotten every other movie ive ever seen.

then they ask us to get into groups and give us a problem youd expect to find working a movie theater, and asked us how wed solve it... and heres where i tell you what the job title actually is: host. nothing fancy, just. host. take tickets and make sute customers find their seats. not a high position AT ALL. just some dumb fuck first job for a teenager.

after the group problem solving...they passed out printer paper and pens...and asked us to draw what movie or tv show character is most like us.

what

the fuck

what kind of improve class do you think this is sjdfjhdbdsh

im usually one for drawing my top kin or playing silly improve games, when im in an acting class of some sort.

not for my first job interview??? at a movie theater that looks like a palace??

anyway, i just found picters of it

like. look how fancy that is. what the fuck

anyway, they asked us to draw a movie or tv show character is the most like us, their words not mine. i...freaked out cause this isnt what im expecting what the fuck is going on and drew...idrew light yagami

not the best photo ive ever taken and they didnt let me keep it, sadly

then they made us talk about the characters and explain why we think were like them. i, again, freaked out inwardly and i actually forgot what i said lmao. something about being the youngest in any group job thing and...hm yeah nope thats all trama blocked. (also..there was a chinese girl who drew a minion because "were both yellow" 😭 girl no dont say that)

anyway, after the art bit they brought us into this weird tiny ass back room that was almost compleatly bare besides some furnature and this massive candy jar and asked "why do you think youre a good fit for this job" type questions, and as i was leaving someone dropped the "so, near or mello" question, and i said "no" then just left the room sjdhbfbhsd

OH WAIT before that, they also said "ok so this is the most important question. what.........is your favourite dinosour." that. i. fuck i dont even know.

look back to how this place looks. they asked me those questions in a compleatly serious manner.

what

the

fuck

anyway. i didnt get the job which is fine, becayse they werent gonna pay you the first month for some fucking reason, which is the whole reason i wanted to get a job is cause i wanted to buy these bad boys for halloween.

spoiler alert, i didnt get enough money for them in time, ended up having to use the ones i already had for my costume

sad, but i did end up getting the contacts after christmas

i cant find a good picture where i have both on lmao

anyway, that has been the story of my whack ass job interview that asked me about near and mello

[the-acid-pear]

I did my homework and i did my chores, time to tackle on the third book of this series, Son of Ogre

Chapter 1

Okay but the fuck is Baki planning to do if he stops fighting? That's literally all he has, he's not smart

WOOH THATS A BIT REALISTIC

PREHISTORIC ELEPHANT?!

King just went to have a snack. Also FUCK does that meat look tasty FUCKKK

This baby so cute 🥺

I'm so glad Yuji is doing stupid hilarious shit again it had been a while

Congrats on Baki for that mantis

Chapter 2

Who tf is this kid?

Poor kid lmao, i assume he will meet Baki

Look at my boyyy

HSTSRFAYDF DON'T CALL HIM A MANLET

Imagine Baki actually kills this kid HSJDYSSHCBT

Third comment with a ton of likes is "we do not condone child violence. We do, however, find it hilarious"

Chapter 3

AH SHUT UPPP KIDDO

But i like Baki memeing a round a lil

Chapter 4

🥺🥺 that's so sweet...

HELLOOOO STRYDUM MY GOD YOUR TITS GOT FATTER SIR 😳😳

Yujiro is such a fucking threat to society lmao

I love seeing Baki with his eyes open, he's looking more like his old self

Oh, shadow boxing incoming, alright

Chapter 5

Yuri? 🥺 /j

THE RETURN OF IRON MICHAEL?!

Chapter 6

I love how there's our silly little mains after every cover LUV em <33

Baki just dissociating his ass out and using it on his favor, the king

Why is Baki eating sour prunes aren't those meant to be sweet?

We all salivating

Chapter 7

Love to see there are even more swears there now

I can put my face next to my foot too tho

FAGDRJSEHARD YUJIRO CAN BEAT THE CANCER HOW ICONIC 😍

Also i would LOVE to see Yuji fight an Orca

WHAT?!

I love how everyone in the comments is calling out Rumina for not seeing issue going down to a dark hidden basement with a shirtless man older than him

Chapter 8

"piggy back me" USHSYFLFUDSY

This fight is going to be good

Chapter 9

Imagine Baki dies right here right know against an imaginary mantis lmao

Okay Baki getting damaged makes sense but the WALL?

Baki's dead (GOD IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I HAVE SAID THAT)

Ffs it's true Baki COULD create himself a stand 😰

Chapter 10

OH FUCK IT'S TRUE

Chapter 11

This fight is so boring i had to take a 6 hour break

Baki just can't win against nature eh

This reminds me of Garland pulling a suplex on that Anaconda

Chapter 12

I can't wait for the main cast to ACTUALLY appear, instead of just, you know, them in the covers

This fight is slow but cool but slow

To fight a mantis you must think like a mantis 😎

Though it's true in this manga you will most likely win if you steal your opponent techniques so

Chapter 13

I MISS IGARI FUCKKK

This is so dumb i luv it

That mantis be swearing lmao

Love it when Baki goes full Yujiro

Chapter 14

TOBA...

Holy fuck do mantis fly?

Secret Chapter?

Is this how Yujiro got born?

Idk girl i would have killed him if i was you

WHAT.

I KNOW THOSE FROGS THEY ARE FROM PUERTO RICO I THINK

I might just be sleepy but this is so confusing

AKSHSKGSKSGSJSG JUST KILL THE BABY IT AINT THAT HARD

Chapter 15

GAIA...

Why is he like this?

Is "he" with us right now?

...gotta admit that IS true...

I love Strydum sksgwhwg

Yujiro really went XD

I don't think my man Arun in the comments is aware how gay what he said is, though maybe I'm wrong

Chapter 16

GOD THESE FUCKING COVERS MAKING ME SO NOSTALGIC, LOOK AT SPEC!

ANIME KENNEDY?!

I can't believe Bush is dead

AN ASIAN BOY HAS JUST KIDNAPPED THE PRESIDENT...

8 of January? My god he's a Capricorn

I'm sorry, what?

LAHQIGWKQFWKSFWIWG 😭😭

I love Baki so much, THIS IS THE KID THAT I MISSED SO MUCH

This explains why Baki was in prison clothes in the anime teaser

Chapter 17

BIG NUMBER

That one mf like 😐

Glad Baki is 18 now at least 😌

Love to see Oliva back

Chapter 18

This page not even bothering to charge the pages anymore

I'm sure there were better ways to go to jail, well, actually, no, but still

Toba used to just chew that off

Baki did that mantis hit you in the head too hard?

I. I watched way too many prison movies and shows. I don't like seeing someone as young and pretty as Baki in such a place. I rlly don't.

Chapter 19

Yanagi baby i miss you...

IRON MICHAEL?!

Mfkhsjsys 😳🥴

Eh got my hopes too high

CHE BAKI PIBE... LA PUTA MADRE NI ACA ME ESCAPO DE MIS COMPATRIOTAS

I hope he swears too i want to see a boludo o pelotudo PLEASE

I mean para pelotudos lo veo a Yujiro todo el tiempo pero igual JSGWKEGWG me pone bien argento ver al Che carajo

Chapter 20

HE SAID BOLUDO SUAHWKWGAKSGSKSGSKGD

I can't take this omfg new fav I'm sorry Doppo but he just said boludo 😭

Pendejo is more used as pibe here but i will let it pass bc idk the lingo in Cuba and he spent some time there so

Why don't i speak like this too ffs? All i do is say eh and call it a day

He's cocky enough to call anybody any age pibe so I'll let that pass too

Por favor no lo hagas che sksgwj

Chapter 21

Che, pibe, it's a good day to die...

Chapter 22

GSHAGSTSG he should have said "no boludo"

I'm falling in love with this boludo myself

That's talented and brutal

OH RIGHT YOU LOSE YOUR BALANCE WHEN YOU DONT HAVE THAT

Chapter 23

Hm that's, cringe

YESSS HE SAID PELOTUDO

OAHWLGWKQFSKSGSJS SIII ROMPELO TODO CHE, ROMPELO TODO POR DECIRTE YANKEE KSGSSJGS

Honestly i too get pissed off when called American or European, though i won't throw shit to Baki, he's some random 18 yo japanese boy, no way he would recognize latinoamerican lingo lmao

King shit Baki boy

Chapter 24

Oh that's why he's called Jun Guevara, that's fair

I like how they are mixing a bit of truth and a bit of lie it's fun at least

Chapter 25

I like how they are drawing nipples now, occasionally

I can't wait for Viêt to complain about propaganda in the comments

OH SHIT

😳 :Y

He's sooo nice 😍

Chapter 26

Only three? You mean the third is... 👁️👁️

HAHA YEAH YUJI-CHAN <3

I can't believe he works for the USA I'm crying and shaking rn

What a progressive manga, the three strongest and most dangerous men and none of them are white 😍

GET HIS ASS BAKI

Chapter 27

Why is this guy sweating sm?

LDYDYSUGFUDT BAKI PLS

I like how the only time Baki was willing to kill a person was when he thought Sikorsky had hurt his girl

Chapter 28

I feel like Ian will die

Man i love how Baki is drawn in this book

Ffs i called it, i have watched way too many prison things to know how shit goes down

I have seen these three before in fanart but I'm curious to see what they can do

Chapter 29

Their faces remind me of Doyle

OH I CANT WAIT TO SEE EM IN THE ANIME

ASSHOLE DON'T CALL ME STUPID 😢💔

I'm gonna struggle to tell em apart but i think I'll manage

Okay I'm not the only one who thinks they look like Doyle, fair

Chapter 30

The mouth vs Yujiro when?

Someone mentioned the have the same vibe as the dudes that worked with Gaia and like 👁️👁️

Chapter 31

Lmao someone in the comments recommended the same thing

These three must be great at sex (sorry)

KSHALDHDKD NEW FAV COMMENT: "go to Japan and look for the word "defeat". That way you won't feel cocky anymore"

Chapter 32

Hehe hello Junnn~

KSHAKDHKWGS

La luna

Chapter 33

LOS TRES...

Okay that's funny, hocico instead of mouth (hocico is used for animal mouths)

I'm so glad i know Spanish

The two things that drive me insane and make me ramble are Doppo's beauty and this stupid argentinian

OSHSKWGSKSG

Chapter 34

Imagine he's doing that illusion thing Dorian did

With his own blood, that's so cool...

Hoho...!

I did that once when i had a terrible nose bleed, didn't go well

Chapter 35

This book is fucking boring NGL

"now that you got no more urine left in you"

AH.

GAHDYR LMAO

Chapter 36

HO THAT TITLE, PLEEEASE I NEED SOMETHING, ANYTHING, TO HAPPEN

HHH he kinda cute...

Oww :(

JDJSJFRGAJ

God piantao is an old word i had never heard it before

AND he took a piss.

LOCO NO SEAS HOMOFÓBICO NINGUNA MINA ACA ES MEJOR QUE ESTE PIBITO TE LO ASEGURO SKSGSKGSJAAGS

Se me cayó un ídolo y yo que le quería dar 😔

ÑSHWQLSGOSGDKW

Let's see if he lied to Baki about just liking eh /j

Chapter 37

I luv Oliva lol

AJSGSKSLAGHS BAKI SNAPPED

I too wonder where the fuck Kozue is

Chapter 38

LSHSLDGSLSGSIEG

He is jealous of what you two have, it's normal, el Che just rejected his love after all ;/

Oliva is a king

OH A HANKERCHIEF I THOUGHT THAT WAS UNDERWEAR SHSGS-

Oh shit Oliva is like 45?! He looked so young

Te fuiste a la mierda, Che, el chabón estaba siendo re bueno con vos

Baki is just dead

Chapter 39

I love how realistic Che's fear is, he's rather smart, though not this time

POOR GUY AJSGSWJW

I didn't realize Che said "what more, it may be a woman!" but to be fair they ARE in jail so

Chapter 40

I'm feeling kinda bad for him ngl

I feel happy for him tho 🥺

Bruh they added one page after the ending of some naked anime girl tf 😐

Chapter 41

These prisoners having fun is kinda sweet

YO INSANE

Bitches be complaining about Maria's looks are just jealous 🥰

Chapter 42

Damn she lorge

He loves fighting naked eh

Only valid person is the one saying Oliva deserves better treatment which tbh true

Chapter 43

Fun fact i wear my jacket like El Che too, unless it's too cold

El che with the hair lose is so cute bro,,,

Something something fingering joke

Sikorski could fold a coin too

I bet the bandana will break

Chapter 44

I would have just fallen on top of him, how is he gonna counter that, eh?

Oh that super fun to know!

Oh the good ol dirty technique, i have seen this one before!

Chapter 45

NOOO MARIA DON'T DO THIS TO HIM

This fight is super cool tho i love these two characters

Chapter 46

They just keep changing the rules i think Itagaki is just flexing at this point

LAAOSFKAGSKAGSKAF???

Baki wants his protagonism back

I'm getting pissed off they keep putting semi naked underaged girls at the end of every chapter 😐

Chapter 47

Bruh just realized, the mouth got so hyped as this new cool villain and they died in their first appearance 😭

His damn bandana...

[incorrectlumityquotes]

FULL REVIEWS: “Lost In Language”

Lost in language and I don't know much. Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch? But I'm back on my feet and eager to be what you wanted.

Seriously? Nothing? You guys have never heard Air Supply? I mean, they’re old AF but still. It’s a funny pun. Whatever.

Back in the day (like it was so long ago) I didn’t know what to expect from this episode. The only thing I caught from the description was library, but hoo boy, we got so much more!

I love the cold opens to this show. It always reminds me that Luz is a silly ass hyper fangirl who still wants life to play out like it does on TV. 

“Learning about love and life through the eyes of a child.”

Spoken like a true person who have never done any actual babysitting. The Bat Queen gets her own soft intro for another episode, which I’m noticing more and more re-watching this show. She pays Eda to watch her baby in exchange for a butt-ton of money. Eda, in classic Eda fashion, would rather not split the cash with Luz and gives her an errand to run so she doesn’t have to do it. 

I don’t know about you guys, but liked going to the library when I was a kid. It was the only way I could play computer games or go on the internet. Getting online is the easiest thing in the world today, but when I was a kid, it was a luxury my parents couldn’t afford. And dumb-dumb kid me didn’t know that you can borrow movies and comic for free at the library too. That’s how I saw Jaws for the first time.

The library at The Boiling Isles is almost exactly what I expected. Kinda like the Hogwarts library, but with a lot more teeth and eyes everywhere. Luz has a bunch of fun just messing around, until she stumbles upon the cutest goddamn thing ever!

Amity reading to kids at the public library in her free time. My god.

I’m with Luz here. Holy hell, I did not see that coming. I thought Amity was the rival character, the Draco Malfoy of the show, the reluctant ally, the jerk with the heart of gold DEEP in there somewhere. Instead she’s at the Kid’s Corner reading her favorite childhood classic to toddlers. I didn’t know there were angels in the demon realm.

Stop. Stop! You’re already cute.

Seriously this moment made me go “aw” and laugh at the same time. It was weird. Also how does this library have a manga section? Do they import these books from JAPAN in the HUMAN REALM? Is there a publishing company that acts as the middleman? Or are these just the books that the trash slugs ended up barfing on the beach somewhere? I’m thinking too hard about a throwaway joke in the background. Big brain hurt.

AND back to reality...

Luz tries to extend the hand of friendship to Amity and Amity rejects it. I have...thoughts.

First, they this up with another parallel to Azura in the beginning of the episode. I get it. It’s a theme that they are doing, but I would have rather have Luz try to befriend Amity because she wants to, not because Azura did it. It’s not the only reason she does it, but it does kinda bug me a bit. It kinda goes back to Luz wanting life to play out like a story. 

Also, a part of me thinks that this is something Amity likes to do alone. Her way of getting away from everyone else and just do something that she enjoys and makes her feel good. We have no proof that it gives her extra credit, so she could just use that as a way to save face. She seemed so happy to do it too. 

Finally, you know what this else this reminds me of? The Karate Kid and Cobra Kai. There’s a popular fan theory that has been around since the eighties that if you look at The Karate Kid from the rival’s perspective, the protagonist is the bully. I’m more than sure that’s what going on here. From Amity’s perspective, Luz just gets her into trouble. We’ll get more into that later.

Luz walks off dejected and we get the second big surprise to punch me in the face.

Holy hell, why the fuck are you two so goddamn fucking pretty? I mean, holy shit, look at these two. My god. And ERICA LINDBECK as Emira? Jesus Christ, I’m going to be feeling things I shouldn’t be feeling in places I can’t say!

Joking aside, we get one of our first full introductions that didn’t come with a soft intro from a previous episode. Enter Emira and Emira, Amity’s older siblings who in true sibling fashion like to give Amity a hard time.  

“Hey, mittens!”

This seems normal at first. Siblings always rib each other. No big deal.

Amity storms off. The twins introduce themselves proper to Luz (and the audience) and they mess around for a bit. 

In fact, they have so much fun messing around with Luz that they decide to invite her back afterhours to check out The Wailing Star. Luz thinks that this is a great way to get on Amity’s good side by befriending her siblings. Why she would think this I have no idea.

Meanwhile the B-plot continues its adventures in babysitting. I don’t like using the word filler (so I won’t) but this B-plot is really just for two things: setting up Escape of the Palisman and jokes. It does both. No harm, no foul.

Also the twins said for Luz to meet back at midnight and Luz was at The Owl House for like a hot second. There’s like a huge gap of time there. What did she do until midnight? Whatever. If it was important it would have been animated.

Also also, I love all of Luz’s little saying in this episode. She does it a lot but they cranked it up in this episode. Featuring great hits like:

“This sour lemon drop has a hidden sweet center.”

and

“I thought we were as cool as cucumbers but we’re as sour as pickles.”

and my favorite

“Call me a library book because they were checking me out.”

I hope they keep doing that.

Back at the literal Wailing Star (I laughed so hard), The twins and Luz discover that The Wailing Star brings the content of the books to life. Does that work for all books in The Boiling Isles or just the library? Enough. No more big brain. The three proceed to...mess around some more.

The twins discover offscreen (Really? Really.) that if you edit the contents of the book, you change what comes to life. Then the twins reveal their true objectives. Apparently, Amity has been tattling on the twins whenever they cut class or do whatever it is that they want. They’ve decided to look for her secret little hideaway (that they somehow know is in the library), find her diary and post all the pages all over school to teach her a lesson. 

Um, fucking no.

And here we enter the true lesson of this episode and probably the reason why Hecate is draw with two faces. People being more than just what they appear to be at face value. 

Amity appears to be the bully character of the show, and while she did bully Willow, Luz and King, there’s more to her than that. Amity is lonely. As a fellow person who grew up lonely, trust me. I can tell from a mile away. She puts pressure on herself to be the best at whatever she’s doing and to be the best. She hates that she follows the rules but people like her siblings seem to get rewarded for breaking the rules and doing whatever they want free of consequence. She sees the double standard that they live by and it angers her. But at the same time, everyone seems to give the twins a free pass so she can’t do anything about it. 

Even worse, there’s no one for her to confide in. It wouldn’t make it better but it would make it easier for her to just vent and get the bullshit out of her brain. She doesn’t like her friends and the one friend she did like...that’s for another episode. Hence, the diary. Amity is a big ball of frustration and loneliness. I know because I grew up in a very similar way.

When you’re forced to keep your anger inside you, you lash out at any little thing that bothers you just to ease your frustrations. It doesn’t make it okay but it’s the only way to cope sometimes just to get by.

The twins on the other hand seem like everything you’d want in a friend. They’re fun; they like you; they’re attractive; they’re attentive. But in reality, they live in a world where they believe consequences and accountability don’t apply to them. And they’ll do anything to keep it that way. Even humiliate their sister.

Luz seems like a happy-go-lucky, friends to all things kinda person, but she can also be innocently insensitive. She just does things hoping they turn out the way they would for Azura without considering how the people around her would feel about it.

It doesn’t make any of these characters two-faced. We just are different things to different people.

Amity discovers what’s going down and Luz (being the empathic person that she is) decide to try to go talk to her. 

Then I’m reminded that this is a horror-comedy.

My god, you’re ugly.

One climax later (don’t laugh), and Luz and Amity try to make amends with each other. They both have to think about how they’ve been treating the other, earning the title of bully or not. They’re not friends yet but this is...better.

FINAL SCORE: 5 - Loved it.

Damn, The Owl House is one a roll. That’s what? Three 5 scored episodes already? Hot damn. This episode was fun but it really hit hard with the character work on Amity. She quickly became one of the most interesting characters and a fan favorite. And the third act provided a good amount of horror to call this a horror comedy. The B-plot is fine but probably one of the weakest only saved by several funny jokes. This is one of those episodes I kept coming back to and a favorite to watch.

Could you two please not? I’m gonna get in trouble.

[luvhypen]

wingmen!

paring: jake x gender neutral reader

disclaimer: this is my first fic in a while and also this isn’t proof read :[

word count: 2.3k+

genre: fluff, just pure fluff

a/n i kinda realised this was centred around jungwon and sunoo messing around but! there is kinda some romance... anyways i hope this isn’t too bad :)

yang jungwon and kim sunoo were taught to never, big emphasis on never, meddle in things that weren’t their business. however, it’s safe to say that the two threw away that lesson for something they found more important. and that was y/n and jake sim, their loving but yet so so oblivious friends. at the start, the blushing and giggling at each other’s terrible jokes were tease-worthy, maybe even cute? but now, it’s so unbearable and exhausting that even their homeroom teacher can’t even understand why they aren’t dating.

that’s why the two friends devised a plan, actually multiple plans. plan a, for when things will go smoothly. plan b, for when there’s a tiny bump in the road. plan c, for everything above have failed. three plans filled with clichés to get their friends to finally ask each other out, what could go wrong?

i. PLAN A

the plan was simple, a (fake) love confession placed inside the locker of an unsuspecting y/n. the contents of the letter were laughable, the pair having a good time trying to make jake sound childish and silly in his love letter.

‘you’re making him look like a seven year old jungwon’ sunoo told him in between laughs. ‘why did you draw this in crayon? you and i both know jake’s a muji pen user’. the two were standing right in front of y/n’s locker, both keeping an eye out to see if one of the two oblivious idiots were passing by.

‘it’s all i had on me!’ jungwon cried out as he eyed the end of the hallway, ‘okay hurry! the coast is clear no sign of dumb and dumber’.

sunoo, not really trusting jungwon’s eyes, takes a good look of their surroundings. he made sure to look out for sunghoon as well as he tells jake everything, and that means everything. the boy will never forget about the time jake had teased him for telling a cashier to “keep the change” when he still owed them thirty more cents, something only sunghoon was present for.

‘okay’ sunoo carefully slid in the love letter into the thin opening of y/n’s locker. ‘it’s in, hurry and hide! i swear their class ends in-’.

‘hurry!’ the sound of the bell causing the two to run off in opposite directions, their hiding places letting them get a good view of the show they (technically) directed. the pair watched as y/n left their classroom, unsurprisingly with jake following closely behind them. the sickly sweet smiles plastered on their faces? the heart eyes? the giggling at every single word being said? they were in love, but the two fools were so oblivious to it.

eyes followed them as y/n headed to their locker, sunoo and jungwon couldn’t understand why they were sweating so much. was that a sign that their plan wouldn’t work? nah, it was bound to work. only someone incredibly stupid would not see the huge letter right in front of them-

‘ready?’ jungwon overheard jake speak. jungwon knew that sunoo was just as confused as he was. did they not see the love letter? it was so big and stupid looking that they couldn’t have missed it. maybe he shouldn’t of doubted the two, maybe they were as incredibly stupid as he had doubted them to be.

‘yup!’ y/n said cheerfully. sunoo could feel his forehead wrinkle in annoyance when he realised the two didn’t even acknowledge the letter, in that very moment he knew he had to make the next step.

‘y/n! jake!’ the boy walked up to the pair, jungwon’s eyes widened when he realised his partner left his hiding place, what is he doing? he watched as sunoo glanced over at him with a look that basically said “leave this to me!”.

‘sunoo!’ jake greeted him warmly, ‘i thought you had algebra now?’

‘nope! i have a free period right now’

‘oh, then why are you here?’ jake sounded and felt confused, sunoo never visited him during free period unless he wanted something or he needed something. ‘i don’t have five dollars by the way’.

‘i don’t need money! it’s kinda harsh that you think of me like that jake’ sunoo pouted through his words. ‘i just wanted to say that i’m inviting everyone to my house tonight! since it’s a friday and we haven’t all seen each other in a while’.

‘oh! that sounds fun’ y/n replied with a cheery smile, ‘i’ll be there, well jake and i’. sunoo couldn’t help but notice the growing blush on the boy’s face at the sound of his name, whipped.

‘great, see you two tonight’

sunoo smirked as he waved the two off as they headed towards their next class. not forgetting jungwon, he signalled the boy towards him to tell him the rundown of what had just happened.

‘so plan a was thrown away after a mere three minutes?’ jungwon looked at sunoo confused.

‘stop thinking it failed!’ he rolled his eyes, ‘it didn’t! it just, helped us get on the next step’.

‘so basically plan b is a go?’

‘plan b is a go’.

ii. PLAN B

what could get more cliché than a movie night date? a scary movie night date. sunoo and jungwon both knew that this was the plan that was going to start the blossoming relationship of jake and y/n. the plan was simple, jake and y/n will obviously be sitting together and when a jump scare shows up, y/n will jump into his arms! sunoo bets that they’ll look at each other in the eyes and confess their feelings right then and there. jungwon bets the opposite, he thinks that they’ll awkwardly pull apart from each other, the rest of the night they won’t stop think about each other and when they walk home together that’s when they’ll simultaneously confess to each other!

‘y/n! sit beside me!’ a voice across the room caught the attention of the two boys. they knew for a fact it wasn’t the voice of jake, meaning it could be the only other person glued onto the other hip of y/n.

‘riki!’ y/n flashed another smile, ‘of course’. the two boys watched as they left jake’s side to sit in the empty space beside the fifteen year old.

‘what do we do now...’ jungwon whisper shouted in sunoo’s ear. the boy flinched at the loud noise before swatting the boy away. the pair could tell that this plan wouldn’t work as well as they thought, maybe it was the dependance they had on clichés? maybe it was that the two were unpredictable at times? they didn’t know, all they knew was that they wanted all the credit for the (almost) new couple.

‘don’t worry my good friend, i have the perfect plan’ sunoo’s annoyed expression morphed into a smirk.

‘you said that last time! now riki’s the one that’s gonna be in y/n’s arms during scary jump scares while jake is sitting crisscross applesauce right in front of them!’ jungwon’s frowned, ‘if anything let me handle it’.

‘do whatever you want but i’ll-’

‘riki!’ a sudden voice in the room causes the bickering boys to turn their heads, ‘don’t you need help with your world history homework? you asked me if i could help you while they watch their movie’.

‘i did?’ riki replied in a rather confused voice.

‘yes, you did’ heeseung said through gritted teeth. the group of boys watched as the oldest lightly dragged the youngest into sunoo’s kitchen. y/n watched in concern, not knowing if they should help riki or scold heeseung for being so uptight during a movie night.

‘can i sit here?’ jungwon and sunoo squinted when they realised jake was asking the question. the two didn’t know why they felt butterflies over the simple question.

‘sure!’ another one of y/n’s signature smiles blinding the boy in front of him. ‘i mean now that riki’s been taken away! wait no- i didn’t mean it like that. obviously i want you to sit beside me-’.

‘y/n calm down!’ y/n’s embarrassingly long spew sending a second hand embarrassment shiver down the two boy’s body. jake laughs quietly as he place’s himself down beside them, a growing blush placed on their ears and cheeks.

‘do they both not realise the whole room is watching them?’ jungwon whispered into sunoo’s ear. sunoo looked around and it was true, the scary movie was quickly replaced by the bashful (almost) couple.

‘what are you two doing?’ sunghoon joined their conversation. the boys jumped in surprise, not expecting him to even talk to them. everyone knew that sunghoon took movie night seriously, he would watch the movie without making a comment unlike his talkative friends and finish his night up researching the movie’s end and plot.

‘talking about the movie obviously!’ sunoo smiled innocently.

‘liar’ jay whispered, ‘we all know your little scheme, you never invite us over’.

‘hey’ jungwon whisper shouted at the group of boys surrounding him, interfering so the two wouldn’t start bickering. ‘wouldn’t jake and y/n get suspicious over the fact we are grouped together in the corner of the couch whispering to each other?’.

‘dumb and dumber wouldn’t even notice if we threw a rock at their heads right now’ the group glanced over at the pair, their stiff positions and the small i’m-in-love smiles plastered on their faces were enough proof that the two were in la la land.

‘you guys meddled too?’ jungwon tilted his head in confusion.

‘why did you think riki was so confused when heeseung said he’d help him with world history?’ sunghoon sighed, ‘he doesn’t even do world history!’.

‘you could of told a better lie’ sunoo rolled his eyes, ‘jungwon and i had an amazing plan-’.

‘but heeseung! i don’t even do world history, why do i need help with homework?’ sunoo couldn’t understand why he kept getting interrupted.

‘i guess it would of been smarter to let riki into our plan’ jay rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

‘riki, i’ll explain! now get back in the kitchen, don’t you want to know who anne frank is?’ riki and heeseung entered the room, heeseung with a frantic look on his face while riki looked annoyed.

‘i know who anne frank is!’ riki frowned, ‘you weren’t even asking me about world history anyways! you kept asking me about our dance club, the one we are both in’.

‘i’ll talk about world history now! um, world war one?’

‘wait’ riki squinted his eyes at the jake and y/n, who were sitting rather close. ignoring the oldest’s question, he walked closer to the pair.

‘what is he doing...’ jungwon whispered.

‘are you two dating?’ the sudden question from the youngest’s mouth caused y/n to flinch in her seat.

‘oh my god’ sunoo blurted out.

‘did he just start plan c without even knowing what plan c was?’.

iii. PLAN C

plan c, or what the two boys would like to call it, plan confirmation. the final plan if all things went wrong, in all honesty nothing in plan b went wrong. however the curiosity of nishimura riki quickened the pace up. the contents of the plan were simple, straight up asking the pair if they were dating. it was a simple but not so romantic way to start dating, and that was the main reason it was the “if all else fails” plan.

‘no’ the group of boys didn’t know that one word could shock them, i mean they saw it coming but they didn’t know it would shake them up this much.

‘no it’s okay you can tell them y/n’ jake’s words only shocked the boys even more, their eyes widening in surprise to hear the almost confirmation of their relationship.

‘what do you mean? you said the letter in my locker wasn’t from you?’

‘it doesn’t mean i don’t don’t like you?’ jake said confidently.

‘wait...’ jungwon stared at the two, ‘you found our letter?’.

‘jungwon! you weren’t supposed to say it out loud’ sunoo scolded him through gritted teeth.

‘shut up’ jay whispered in their ears, ‘something’s gonna happen i can feel it’.

everyone could notice the red tinge on jake’s ears. they watched as he rubbed the back of his neck while y/n stared at him in utter confusion.

‘i like you, y/n’ the blushing boy said quietly but just loud enough that they could hear it. ‘i swear i was going to confess in a better way but i was kinda under pressure right now...’

‘oh?’ y/n tilted her head to the side, ‘i thought you rejected me?’

‘i did?’ jake looked as confused as everyone else in the room.

‘you told me on new year’s eve to wait and i thought that was you letting me down easy’.

‘you did?’ the bewildered look in jake’s eyes confused y/n even more.

‘that’s why you left early?’

‘i feel like they needed to speak about this a while ago’ sunoo whispered into jungwon’s ear.

‘it doesn’t matter now! what matters is that i like you too’ y/n smiled happily.

‘oh’ jake let out in surprise.

‘this is way more sickly than i thought this moment was gonna be’ jay mumbled bitterly.

‘so you two are dating?’ riki asked, not really processing what had just happened.

‘are we?’ jake turned to y/n.

‘yes’

maybe the plans a to c did work? i mean if it wasn’t for the help of the meddling jungwon and sunoo did, the almost couple turned into a real couple. the pair in all honesty really didn’t care that much, they were just happy they got the real thing they wanted.

the satisfaction knowing that they were the ones that played wingmen.

[lollytea]

Fearless (part 2/3)

( PART ONE okokok some parts of this are pretty good. some not so good. but the important part is im tryin my goddamn best out here.)

[OCTOBER 22ND, 7:02PM] The sun had melted away beneath the distant hills and Louie had somewhat calmed himself down.

At least, he was no longer hyperventilating. The feathery tufts on his cheeks were not as fluffy as before, now clumped together from his waterworks earlier. 

He lit the last of his lights, drawing the match away and allowed the head of the flame to seize its last moments. It danced with delight, flickering as it devoured the thin strand of poplar wood.

Louie watched it too long, finding solace in the glow of gentle orange. Just as it was teasing to taste his fingertips, he snuffed it out, not nearly as interested in the arising string of pale smoke. Seven illuminated oil lamps circled his room, washing him in warm, yellow light. But still, It would breed an array of shadows, outlining everything with subtle pools of gloom. Shadows made Louie uneasy. They gave him the strangest feeling that he was being watched. Reminded him of people and powers that were best not to think about. But a shadowy room was preferable to pitch black. He was scared of the dark. Come to think of it, he was scared of a lot of things. Louie had a complicated relationship with fear. He was, by no means, the skittish kid from five years ago. He simply couldn't live with that mindset for long when thrust into the life of McDuck royalty and all the madness and danger attached. So, he adapted. His busiest days tended to fall in the order of breakfast, adventure, magic, certain doom, barely escaping with your life and then sleep. Rinse and repeat. Living like that didn't phase him much anymore. How could it when he was surrounded by the most courageous family put on this earth? And when you continue to survive when that was your Day-to-Day, it had a tendency to boost your confidence. He had gotten braver for sure. Much braver. And yet, he couldn't help but feel like he was lying to himself sometimes. Being afraid of the world around him had never quite faded, he just gotten much better at handling it. Recent years made things all the more messy. His brothers weren't as brave as they used to be these days. Not after what they went through. As a spot of hope, Huey was starting to rebuild a stronger, improved version of his old self. But Dewey still needed time. It made Louie wonder if his intrepid brothers could be broken like this, should he even bother trying to toughen up? He had never been like them. Not naturally, at least. He didn't stand a chance when his time came. He figured that with all he's experienced, he should've at least developed past his more irrational fears. But he didn't.  Deep down, silly stuff still unsettled him. Spiders, violence, surprises. The dark. Ty knew he was afraid of the dark. Ty knew most of the stuff he was afraid of. And despite teasing Louie for pretty much everything else, never his fears. He claimed his brother was the same so he didn't find it all that weird. Louie called bullshit on that one. From what little he knew about Ben, it was impossible to picture that guy being scared of the dark. Ty was most likely trying to ease his insecurity. It didn't work. He felt uncomfortable sometimes, being somebody scared of so much, being close with somebody like Ty. Fearless. It sorta made him wonder if he was inferior. As if standing alongside Ty just wasn't right. The balance didn't seem equal. Wow. Louie was never gonna be good enough, was he?   Wait, no, stop it. Fucking stop it. He had no right to be feeling all sorry for himself for the probability that he wasn't good enough for Ty. On the grounds that he wasn't brave enough? No. Of course Louie wasn't good enough for Ty. That was an irrefutable fact. But what mattered right now was that his carelessness had almost gotten Ty killed today and he couldn't, in good conscience, be focusing on anything else. He almost got Ty killed. He almost got Ty killed. He almost got Ty killed. That was a little more important than "Boohoo, cute bear boy is never gonna kiss me. I'm sad." To make matters worse, Louie had gone and chosen the perfect time to figure out he was in love with Ty. Sure, It had left him happily dopey at the time. But now, after everything that happened, it was like his imaginary little love letter left a paper cut on his heart and splashed it with lemon juice. Ty was going to resign as his retainer. The more Louie said this to himself, the easier it would be to accept it when he received the news. It was truly possible Ty was currently out of his life for good. As much as Louie was trying to talk himself into hunting the boy down right this minute and begging for forgiveness, there was a part of him speculating that Ty would prefer not to see his stupid royal face ever again. It hurt. It really did hurt. But if that's what Ty wanted, Louie would silently abide by the request. He hated to admit it but the spineless side of him didn't want to face Ty either. The last look at him had been his still body laying on an iron bedstead in the castle infirmary. Beakley had assured the stricken Louie that Ty was not dead but refused to divulge the details as she ushered him out and exiled him to his room for the rest of the night. He needed to see Ty conscious. He needed to see him alive. It would be one weight off his chest just to know his retainer had bounced back. But also.....he didn't want to know the damage he'd done. He want to know how badly Ty had been wounded nor how close he had brushed by death. It had been Louie's fault. And he knew that. But the thought of confronting it head-on was a difficult reality to swallow. Even though he should. He should. Completely unrelated but another dumb, embarrassing thing that made him jump out of his skin? Sudden noises. Still completely unrelated but there was a knock at his door.

___________

[OCTOBER 22ND, 11:24AM]

The sky was clear, the autumn air wasn't chilly but pleasantly crisp and there was a lively gathering in the forest. It was held in a wide clearing, bursting with happy people, milling around and chatting. Surrounding them was an almost perfect circle of tangled old oaks, their branches wreathed with strings of homemade lanterns and flower garlands. 

Ty and Louie were quick to turn on tunnel vision towards the table with a large arrangement of party food. They came away with armfuls of bread, cheese, fruits and two tankards of apple cider. They found a spot for themselves, hiding away behind a stack of bailed hay just on the outskirts of the festivities. They set up their little feast, which they wasted no time in devouring. 

There were minstrels playing a vibrant tune. But even with all their flutes, fiddles and practice, they fell short in comparison to the natural music of Ty Cloudkicker's laughter. Louie was talking fast. He was gravitating into Ty's space as he did so, lured in by the bubbling sound. He was eager, grinning deliriously as he spouted out more and more of his story to keep the laugh from fading.

As if it was a lifeline. Like the back of his mind was utterly terrified it would stop. Yet he was entranced with a flood with endorphins, so enamored with the resonance that he couldn't help but be elated as he rattled on to keep himself alive. "Okay, so nobody specifically told Uncle Donald that keeping snacks in your crown was not considered "Kingly" behavior. But see, he just saw it as an extra pocket. He didn't get what the big deal was." 

When Ty laughed hard enough, he started snorting. He attempted to control himself. Louie wished he wouldn't. "So imagine being one of those advisor buzzard dorks, right? And you're having this big, important royal audience with the new king. And then right in the middle of discussing warships or something, he reaches into his crown, (not breaking eye contact.) and starts munching on a fish sandwich. They looked at him like he just spat on their mothers' graves." The octave skyrocketed and Ty disintegrated into high pitched cackles, tightly clutching his side as if he would split in half. It swept away the narrative in Louie's head, fizzling the thought process as he continued to gaze at Ty as if he were channeling golden light. However, his brain did not send the memo to this mouth that it was time to stop talking. Which led to Louie stuttering out "And the--....He--...uh, he--,um...." a brainless smile slapped on his face all the while. He couldn't stop smiling. He was crashing and burning and he couldn't stop smiling. He was certain he would be humiliated over this blunder later but right now, it was pretty funny. Thankfully, his subconscious had mercy on him, cutting him off with a nervous, breathless giggle. Ty was oblivious to whatever kind of gay breakdown Louie was having as he was trying to regain composure from his own hysterics. He was beginning to calm down, occasional wheezy yet delighted noises still sputtering out of him. His shoulders relaxed and he leaned back with a shaky exhale, still stuck with that huge sunny smile. They fell into a silence in the aftermath, content to sit and just listen to the music. Ty picked up his cider and took a gulp. Louie mirrored him. Then Ty's entire frame bucked with a surprise hiccup and Louie nearly choked. He was pretty sure he saw his whole life flash before his eyes as he collapsed into a coughing fit, Ty thumping him firmly on the back. "I'll live, I'll live!" Louie gasped, regaining himself. "Stop hitting me, I bruise like a peach." "Sorry." He drew his hand away. Then he hiccuped again and Louie lost it. "It's not funny!" Ty insisted, a desperate crack to his voice. It was pretty hilarious, actually. Not just the ridiculous little noises, but the way his shoulders jumped and how he would blink in split second afterwards, startled and bewildered like a baby animal. Ty gave him a shove, Louie still snickering and flailing his hands to halfheartedly fend him off. "Hey, hey, what gives you the right to attack me? I nearly choked and died 'cause of you." "Sounds like a "you" problem." "Where'd those hiccups even come from? Your papa bear never teach you not to drink your cider so fast?" Ty's bottom lip jutted out, irritated. He shook his head "Nah, it's--" Hic. Louie snorted. "Shut up!" He snapped. Yeah, his face was definitely a darker shade of pink than usual. "Sometimes I get hiccups if I laugh too much." "Huh. that's a thing that can happen?" "Yeah. A thing I gotta live with." Hic. "Lemme guess, this hasn't happened in a while?" "Huh?" Ty turned to him, perplexed. "Nah, it happens all the time. And when I tell ya it's the most annoying thing--" "You can't be serious." Louie smiled with a disbelieving shake of the head. "You, like, barely laugh anymore." "What's that supposed to mean?" "What?" He shrugged. "You don't." Ty rolled his eyes and directed his vision elsewhere. "I usually do whenever I go back to the glen." "Are Ben and Lottie really that funny?" "They are the least funny people I know. Also they suck and they're cheaters and I hate them." Hic. Let's see. So, he was clearly pouting. Acting all petty about his siblings. The Glen. Laughing to the point of hiccups. "Lots of tickle fights, huh?" Louie deduced, a smirk playing across his beak. Ty considered him for a moment, as if he was thinking about decking him right then and there but ultimately decided it wasn't worth the effort. (Louie was offended.) He then looked off into the distance, an indescribably haunted look in his eye. "Soooo....I'm gonna guess you usually lose the tickle fi--?" "I do not!" Ty abruptly yelled, shooting him an indignant look. "Let's get this straight, if it's one-on-one, I win. I always win. You better not forget that, your highness." He jabbed Louie's chest with his forefinger. "I'm the best fighter out of the three of us. In fact, I probably got the potential to be the best fighter in the whole kingdom!" "Real modest." "It's just if they team up, then it's unfair! That's why they're--" Hic. Louie watched, delightfully entertained as Ty hissed "God. Damn. Hiccups." "And how often do they team up?" He didn't answer right away. Then reluctantly grumbled "Most of the time." "So what I'm hearing is--...." Louie casually leaned against Ty's side, propping his elbow on the latter's shoulder.  "You do lose most of the time?" "Shut up." "No." "Okay, so here's the thing. Let's say you're a big, strong brave knight. You're super cool and heroic and everybody respects you." Hic. "Then you go back home and then suddenly you're just someone else's baby brother and they see you just standing there, minding your business and they're just like "Well! Guess I gotta obliterate him!" And they do not hold back." "Ohhhhh, I get that, I totally get that." Said Louie. "Well, not the brave knight part. But y'know. Me and my brothers had to share a room. It was tiny. There was always a foot in your face or whatever. And sometimes when were bored, they started getting rowdy and throwing hands and it's not like I asked but I got dragged in too. When I was just trying to sleep, man! I wasn't asking for a spontaneous duel at 2am." Ty snorted. "Oh yeah, and sometimes Dewey calls me a little bitch." "He's right." Louie knocked his body against Ty's, making a sound of faux outrage. Ty only found that funnier. Huffing, Louie pawed around for the cluster of grapes at his side. He twisted one free and twirled it around his fingers for a moment. "Watch this. I can feel it. I'm gonna do it this time." "Are you now?" Said Ty in such a distinctly pleasant tone that Louie could not possibly interpret it any other way than "I do not believe that but I'm humoring you but I also want you to understand that my sweet voice is oh, so bitterly sarcastic. Fuck you." "I see you're doubting me." "Me? Doubt my liege? I could never." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a real court jester. Now shut up and observe." Louie wiped all expression from his face and inhaled deeply to obtain peak tranquility. He relaxed his whole frame. If he could pull this off, this would be his day for sure. Ty was watching. This moment would define his life. Thinking a hasty prayer to every known God, force and entity  that had ever favored the unlikely ones, he tossed the grape in the air, threw his head back and opened his beak. The grape finished rising and gravity took control. It fell. Down, down, down, down. Louie now understood the concept of meditation. He was so in the zone, he could've sworn the grape was descending in slow motion. Yes, yes, it was aligning directly below his beak. He was gonna catch it! Down, down, down, down. Then Ty snatched it right out of the air and swallowed it whole. Louie sat, slack jawed, attempting to process what had just happened. He slowly turned to Ty, completely blank. Huh. That moment really did define his life. "You bastard!" He squawked. "Me bastard!" Ty exclaimed, looking insufferably proud of himself. "How could you?! I know our allyship has been complicated but this is high treason!" "Sorry, sorry, I just--" He sat back a little, shaking with silent laughter. He then formed a square with his hands and hovered it before Louie, squinting one eye. "I just needed to see the face you would make and god, it was worth it. You think you could hold that face for a few hours to get a portrait made? I'd get it framed and hang it in my room." He was teasing him. Louie knew he was teasing him. And yet he still blushed bright red from the fragment of fondness blurred in the implication. "W-well, well I would--I'd--" He floundered, racking his brain for a retort. "You think there's any musical instruments that could replicate your dorky little hiccups? I'd hire minstrels just to have them play it for me! Y'know, for when I need a laugh." Ty's smug grin dropped and his eyes flicked about uncertainly. "I--..." He dragged the word out, face flushing at a rapid rate as he folded his knees up to curl in on himself. He crossed his arms. "I think they're gone now anyway." He mumbled. Hic. God, that never got old. "If you laugh one more time, I'm putting you in a tree and leaving you there." Louie laughed again, out of spite. "Nobody's fault but your own. Imagine you've just fought an epic battle and you think there's no more enemies to take on. But as soon as you say that out loud, boom! Second ambush! You would think a warrior like you would get that." "Your highness?" "Yeah?" "Shut your huge mouth." "No." "Okay. Dunno why I thought that would work. Never does." "Y'know I would offer to spook your hiccups away. But we both know that wouldn't work." "Yeah, probably not." Said Ty with a shake of his head. He perked up a bit. "Lottie gave it a shot once. Nothing." "Well, it's just like you said that one time." Louie shrugged, then faltered when the back of his mind took notice of the dimly glowing orange irises he was met with. His voice softened involuntarily. "You're fearless." He didn't know what he said wrong. Ty's face fell. He looked so utterly devastated that Louie, completely lost to why he was even upset, felt his own heart shatter to pieces. He wanted to start sobbing just from seeing him. "Oh..." Ty whispered. He clutched one of his hands with the other and began fidgeting with his fingers. "Well, see. Uh, the thing about that is--...." Concerned, Louie scooched in closer, peering at the face that had once again turned away from him. He hesitantly touched Ty's upper arm. "Hey. Ty. Are you--?" "HEY, LOOK AT THAT!" Ty blurted out, his voice nervously rising in pitch. He attempted to subtly clear his throat. Louie followed the direction of Ty's pointer finger which was gesturing out to the thick expanse of forestry. There was nothing there. But then he caught a flash of movement and noticed two figures tucked away in the shadows of the trees. A young man and woman, probably only a few years older than them. "The couple?" Louie asked, puzzled. "The what now?" Then Ty did a double take, then snapped to attention as if he had just noticed them. "Oh! Oh, yeah, them, sure. I mean, yeah, that's what I meant. Them. Uhhh....look at them!" "Uh. Okay? Why?" "Theeeyyyy're....cute? Gross? They're something. They're definitely something." Louie hummed, taking the two into consideration. The girl was letting out a peal of laughter and the guy was blabbing away animatedly, looking thrilled with himself that she was finding him funny. He was trying so hard.... Louie didn't know if he wanted to gag or coo out an "aww!" "Grossly cute." He decided. Ty snapped his fingers. "That's it!" "You know, I don't get why they're over there. There's tons of people around here. Why would you wanna show up to a party if you're just gonna hide away and hang out with one person the whole time?" "For real though." For the next few minutes, Ty and Louie observed the couple, keeping up a running commentary on the guy's obvious nerves and the girl's less than subtle advances. Ty and Louie learned a lot about themselves in those few minutes. Namely that they were both terrible at lip reading. "He said Pants." Ty was certain. "No, he said Nance." Louie countered. "Her name is probably Nancy." The girl clapped her hands together, nodding eagerly. "Then what's that for, huh? Clearly he just offered to tailor her a personalized pair of pants." "You are so dumb, that's not what's happening here at all." The guy took a dramatic step back and twirled his wrist an unnecessary amount of times before offering her his hand with a half-bow. She took it, giggling. The two them scampered off, out of the shadows and into the heart of the party, where other couples were twirling around as the minstrels played. He curled an arm around her waist, smiling as though this was his greatest honor and they spun into the motion, flowing so naturally amidst the other dancers as if they were simply another cogwheel in the world's most elegant clock. "Dance." Said Ty and Louie in unison. "Pretty sure we were close." "Pretty sure we're idiots." "Yeah, I know but just let me pretend." Ty suddenly snickered, his eyes glinting. "What was that thing he did with his hand anyway? And why did she eat it up?" "It's called flair, Tiberius." "Kinda dumb." "You're just mad that flair is not something you possess." "Bullshit, watch this!" Ty sat up straight and bent his arm into a perfect ninety-degree angle. "Prepare to be amazed." And then his entire forearm began to spin and spin and spin and spin and spin like a windmill in a hurricane. "Flair, flair, flair, flair," He was chanting and Louie had already collapsed in a giggle fit. It wasn't even remotely funny. It was dumb, it was so dumb. But Louie could admit to himself that dumb schticks get like ninety percent more humorous to him if there's a really cute boy performing them. He was easy like that. Ty was extremely committed to the joke as he kept spinning and spinning for over ten seconds. He kept shooting Louie glances and his grin got wider and wider every time he looked away. "FLAIR!" He let his arm go, throwing out an open palm and nearly knocked it against the side of Louie's head. "Hey!" He dodged. "Watch where you swing that thing, you could've whacked me!" "But I didn't!" Said Ty gleefully. He lowered his hand but did not withdraw. It remained unwavering and offered out to Louie. He took it. He didn't think, he just took it. It was only when they made contact that Louie woke up and his heart promptly spiked. But besides a light blush, he managed to keep his face neutral. "So, I guess it's not just that girl who's impressed by this stuff." Ty was nonchalant. His smile then twitched, as if aching to stretch wider but he was reigning it in. "You are too." They were still touching, which, by all accounts, should continue to fluster Louie. But as seconds ticked by, a sense of calm was settling over him. The very thing originally causing panic was now bringing him comfort. It was the weirdest thing, "I was laughing at you, not with you." He said evenly, catching Ty's contagious smile. "Ehh," He shrugged. "I'll take it." Louie would count this as a new domain for sure. Uncharted waters. As if he and Ty had stumbled in accidentally but now they were here, their curiosity was urging them to explore. Not to a dangerous extent, of course. But maybe just edge along the sidelines and see what they could discover. "Your hands are so tiny, it's crazy." Ty commented, tilting his head. Turning it over, he slid his thumb thoughtfully across Louie's palm. "How do you even hold anything?" Louie wasn't even eyeing their hands but was regarding Ty's pensive face. "It's kinda the worst. Whenever we find treasure and I get my cut, the fancy rings and bracelets are huge. I always gotta go to a jeweler and get them resized if I wanna wear them."' Ty was fiddling with Louie's fingers now, fixing him with a decisive nod. "I'll get you a ring for Christmas." "Woah, woah. For real?" "Yeah. I'll put it in one of those fancy boxes. But then you'll open it and see it's made out of grass and try to have me beheaded." As they were speaking, their hands continued to play around. Ty had flattened his own, aligning his palm against Louie's. Louie spread his fingers and Ty laced his through. "Uncle Donald says I'm not allowed to say "Off with his head" anymore or I'm grounded 'til I'm thirty-five. It "makes the people want to revolt."" Louie air-quoted with his free hand. "But I would fire you for sure." Ty snorted. "You would not and you know it." There would never be any proof that they held hands that day. Not a single eye witnesses, including themselves, as both boys had turned a blind eye to their own actions. They were afraid to look down, as that would be an acknowledgement. Louie had no mental image of the moment, fuschia fur intertwined with snow feathers, only a rush of heat and a hazy ponder if the dampness was his sweat or Ty's. And if the feel of Ty's touch was just an illusion of the mind, there was one poignant hint of the reality and that was how gentle their voices had gotten. "Oh, so, you're really gonna test me like that, Tiberius? Pushing me around, stealing grapes, calling me a little bitch. Is this any way to treat your liege? You don't think I'm at the end of my rope with you?" "Nahhhh...." Ty drew the word out, grinning. He twisted his muzzle into an exaggerated pout and batted his eyes. "You would never because I'm awesome and cool and smart and you love me." It was Ty's utter nerve that left Louie too astonished to even blush. Instead, he simply tilted his head, an eyebrow cocked. "Do I?" He challenged. To his credit, Ty did not relent either. However, the impishness gradually died from his eyes until he was left solemn. "Maybe?" He spoke softly, as though too much force would crack the delicate little word. He bore into Louie's eyes, like he was searching for an answer. Pleading for an answer. Louie felt his own hand squeeze Ty's. He inhaled. He knew he was going to say something, he was just leaving it up his own scattered subconscious to determine what. He would open his beak and whatever words wound up tumbling out would seal his fate. He didn't have a second to panic, to fret, as he was already speaking and he was petrified by how fast this was all going. "I--" Something shattered and a woman screamed in pain. Indistinct shouting and Ty cursed under his breath. Louie scrambled around to see the commotion and the last few things he registered were the gleam of sunlight catching unsheathed weapons, the girl he called Nancy with crimson pooling from her forehead, Ty demanding "Get down!" and knocking him stomach-down into the ground. 

“Stay there and don’t move.” Then Ty had rushed off and everything went to shit.

___________

[OCTOBER 22ND, 7:13PM] Louie was well acquainted with that knock. Firstly, one firm rap against wood, proceeded by two more rapid-fire. He associated it with a twinge of annoyance, high sun beams streaking in his window and somebody near, dear and insufferable to his heart, pestering him from the other side to rise and shine already or his breakfast would go stale. This usually occurred around 9:30AM. If given a say in the matter, Louie would sleep til noon. But he didn't have a say in the matter because every morning, without fail, there was a retainer banging down his door. Something was off this time. Once he knocked, Ty had fallen uncharacteristically silent. No continuation of drumming out an obnoxious little tune and and no insisting he open up. Louie was hesitant to do much of anything. It seemed his door was the only thing protecting him from facing repercussions right now. If he fell deep enough into denial, he could pretend Ty wasn't there. So long as he kept his door shut, he could pretend everything was alright. Ty didn't almost die. It was a tempting thought. It resounded in such an appealing voice inside his head that Louie seized his latch before he could give in. The brass shocked a chill to the pads of his fingers as he held on tight. He had to open up. He had to. His hand fidgeted, stalling the moment. He thumped his forehead against the door, heaving a steadying sigh. "You don't wanna see me, do you, your highness?" He heard Ty say in hushed tones, his voice startlingly close to where Louie had situated himself. "Ehh, if we're being honest....not really." "Oh...." "Do you wanna see me?" "I mean....I kinda don't? The idea of seeing you right now is making me nauseous." The statement skewered Louie's heart. He shook it off. "Why'd you knock?" "'Cause it doesn't matter what I want, I gotta see you right now. It's important." An prolonged pause hung in the air, buzzing with a mutual uncertainty. Louie tapped his fingers to the wood and after a second or two, Ty did the same. Their respective rhythms aligned. "But..." Ty continued, his voice faltering. "If you don't wanna see me, I can go--" "Convince me." Louie was blurting out before he thought twice about it. "Huh?" "I need to open this door but, like surprise surprise, I'm scared. You've done it before. I get scared and you talk me into stuff. Do your big strong hero magic and get me to suck it up. Please, I need it." "Oh, uh, I--" He could hear how flustered Ty had gotten suddenly being put on the spot. "Well, I--...I guess you don't have a choice 'cause if you don't open up, I'm strong enough to barricade the door down. So, I figure we should just do this the easy way." Despite the circumstances and the scruple wrung tense in his stomach, Louie felt the corner of his beak twitch at the tentative touch to Ty's tone. He felt his stiff shoulders relax. "Is that a threat, Tiberius?" "Uh, no." Ty admitted, sounding sheepish. "That was just a joke. See, it was the first thing that came into my head and then suddenly I was saying it. Sorry, I dunno for sure if now is "joke time" and I figured it'd be kinda weird to ask so--" He didn't get to finish rambling. His hair whipped to the side with the rush of air that came with the swift swing of the door. Louie fixed him with a hard look, processing the sight of his retainer standing there, alive and bright eyed. Ty's hand was still hovering awkwardly in the air, where he assumed it had been resting against the door. He blinked back at him, puzzled and a little alarmed, as if caught under a spotlight. He didn't look angry. But Louie knew better than to lull himself into thinking he was in the clear. Whatever resentment Ty was feeling would spill out in time. Louie braced himself. "Hey, Ty." He said stiffly. "Come on in."

[neighbourskid]

Dave? Dave.

It's been quite a bit since I've written anything here, huh? Well, I guess as it has been for pretty much everyone, life has been kinda strange for a while now. Despite vaccine roll-outs and continually changing safety regulations, there's still a global pandemic on, and everyone is trying to navigate this reality the best they can. For once, we are all, generally speaking, in the same boat now (sure, there are huge differences between countries because capitalism fucking sucks and rich greedy humans are once again proof that things need to change asap, but overall, we all have to deal with this pandemic).

But I don't actually want to talk about the pandemic, it just exists as a frame of what I do wanna talk about.

As I have mentioned before, when the pandemic hit, I was in the last semester of my undergrad studies and writing my Bachelor thesis. Or that's what I was supposed to do, anyway. I did do a lot of reading for it, early in the first lockdown after university closed and we were all attending from home. I was lucky, I had no classes, I only had like three scheduled meetings to check in on progress of the thesis, but otherwise I was free of zoom calls and attempting to attend university digitally. So I read.

After a while, reading became taking a book with me into the sun, glancing at one or two pages, and then just napping for most of the day, and spending my evenings either playing video games or watching some tv show or movie. At some point, I felt like now was the perfect time to rewatch all fifteen seasons of CRIMINAL MINDS, so I did that, instead of writing my thesis. I still occasionally read, but most of the days I just felt exhausted and unmotivated so I stayed in bed and binged my crime show.

As the deadline for the thesis started approaching, and the time I had left fell under a month, a switch in my brain seemed to be activated and, oh, hello, suddenly there was a certain drive there for that thesis again. Which lasted exactly until an email from university dinged into my inbox a few days later, informing me that I would get another month for my thesis, due to the pandemic. And away that motivation and drive went, immediately.

Not much later I had a session with the therapist I was seeing at the time, because of the hormone treatment I had started early that same year. I had talked to him about my concern that I might have ADHD before because I didn't feel like there was anything we needed to talk about related to my transition, so I brought it up again here. I told him how my thesis was going -- or rather, how it wasn't going at all -- and finally, as I told him about some of the issues I experienced while trying to do work for it, he acknowledged that I may indeed have some attention regulation issues. He prescribed me medication to try out, and -- wonder oh wonder -- suddenly I was writing my thesis. I ended up finishing it on time (even though a week before I had a moment of "all of this is garbage, I will never pass, I should start the whole thing from scratch") and got a decent grade for it, too. I've been on those meds since.

Over the last, I don't know how many years, I've always known that there was something a bit wonky about my brain. There were always these things that seemed to come so easy to other people, and try as I might, I just couldn't make them happen. I, presumably, had a lot of neurotypical friends. I also have friends with depression, BPD, anxiety disorders and other neurodivergencies. I have family members with autism. I know my mom suspected I might be on that spectrum as well.

Reading up on many of those things I never felt like any of them described what I was experiencing. There were certain traits, sure, but mostly there was a lack of what I actually did experience in most of them. Even ADHD, when reading about the "required" issues and traits, doing those self-diagnosing questionnaires, I just never saw what I felt represented. And then I started reading about what people with diagnosed ADHD had to say about how they experience things. I ignored the more medical or clinical information, and just looked for people talking about how they navigate their lives with ADHD. And then all of a sudden it was, oh, yeah this, this is relatable. This is where my brain's at.

Suddenly it made sense that caffeine didn't do nothing for me, that a nice, warm cup of coffee put me right to sleep. It made sense how, after only a month, suddenly a well beloved hobby or tv show was suddenly of no interest whatsoever. Staring at the wall for three hours instead of doing a simple task. Drawing in class so that I could pay attention to what is being said. The inability to remember much of my life before 6th grade. Having to bounce my leg so I could read a simple text. Needing to visually break a book down into chapters with colourful post-its to keep me from being overwhelmed by the length of the book. And so many other things. Suddenly, there was a reason for that.

I've always liked doing personality quizzes. Or doing stuff related to my zodiac sign even if I don't believe in astrology per se. Finding out what my Enneagram number is. Or my Myers-Briggs type. Not because I think those things define me or describe me to a T, but because they give me a vocabulary. They give me options. I love answering a bunch of questions and then getting a wall of text telling me This Is Who You Are and then I get to pick out what is accurate and what isn't. It gives me words to describe who I am that I didn't have before.

And it is the same thing with posts or videos of people with ADHD. It gives me a vocabulary for the things I experience and it lets me express those things in a way I wasn't able to before. Before, I was like, doing things that my brain doesn't want to do, feels like running headfirst into a wall because there is no way above, around, or underneath it. There is no door, no ladder, no tunnel, no nothing. There is only running headfirst into it until maybe, hopefully, it cracks. Preferably before my head does. But that is exhausting and most of the time, I prefer to not get through the wall at all, if what it takes is going headfirst through it. Now, I know that what that is, is a dopamine deficiency. The task that needs doing, the task that this wall is, doesn't give my brain enough dopamine. There is no satisfaction, there is nothing to gain from that task, so the brain isn't interested.

One of the things that I recently discovered and helps me a lot in this quest of figuring out how my brain works, is this guy Connor on tiktok, who also has ADHD. His videos are both hilarious and informative. And also incredibly relatable. They might be silly haha funny videos on the dear old internet, but I walk away from most of them going, oh! oh that makes sense, good to know.

He occasionally talks about how ADHD is completely misnamed and how Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder does not actually accurately describe what exactly people with ADHD lack. In one of his videos, he calls it DAVE instead. It's silly, and sounds a bit dumb, but I kinda like it. Dave. Dopamine Attention Variability Executive-Disfunction. Dave. I like Dave.

Y'know, I don't mind having ADHD. Presumably, I've lived with it my whole life so far. And it's annoying as shit some of the time. Especially when things need to get done and they just won't. But I don't mind that, especially now that I know that this is what it is. I've always feared that if I finally do go to a therapist and try to figure out what my brain is up to, they'll just tell me that I'm fine and there's nothing to worry about. And at first, my therapist did say I was psychologically unremarkable. But I guess if you've lived like this your whole life and nobody has really picked up on it, even a therapist doesn't notice (it's called masking, I've learned, thanks Connor).

But knowing is good. Knowing means I can learn things that help. I can take medication when needed. And, looking at the grades I'm currently getting in my graduate studies? Hells yeah, taking that medication and knowing how to deal with certain aspects of my brain helps a lot. It is incredibly funny to me that the best grades I have gotten in my entire academic career have been achieved in my Master's studies during a global pandemic. There is currently an actual real possibility that I may graduate summa cum laude. In my MA. That is insane!

Anyway, I am avoiding tasks by writing this right now. Oh, the irony. I'm gonna try and do those tasks now. Y'all take care. Cheers!

[wokeuptired]

every perfect summer

Finn is steady on her own two feet but Niall is a hurricane, determined to bring to the surface what she’s long buried. If only he weren’t so beautiful at sunset, she might be able to resist. 

written for​ @majorharry ‘s 20k fic celebration 

prompt #29: “stop looking at me like that.”

niall/ofc, 6.2k

Summer in California is hot and sticky, the kind of sticky that makes you feel silly showering, because as soon as you walk outside, you’ll be sweaty all over again. Even with the fan on full blast, Finn’s thighs are sticking to the leather of the couch she took from her mom’s house when she moved out. She’s read the same page a hundred times, over and over again. The heat makes it hard to think. 

The heat makes it hard to breathe.

And mostly, the heat makes it hard to write.

Finn’s about to put the book down when she hears footsteps on the stairs outside. Her apartment complex is a series of buildings each containing a dozen apartments. Finn shares the landing of her staircase with the apartment next door, but it’s the wrong time of day for Cindy and Ralph to be returning home, which means—

“Your new downstairs neighbor is hot,” Jocelyn announces as the apartment door slams shut behind her, the gust of warm air ruffling the pages of Finn’s book. She looks up to roll her eyes.

“You think every guy is hot.”

Jocelyn dumps her shopping on the kitchen table and scoffs. “I do not. Just the hot ones.”

“Aren’t you engaged?” Finn glances down at the big shiny ring on Jocelyn’s finger to emphasize her point. Even though Jocelyn moved out six months ago, when her boyfriend popped the question, sometimes it feels like she never left. Right now is one of those times. “What’s Marcus think about all this looking you do?” 

“What he doesn’t know won’t kill him.” Jocelyn punctuates her statement with a saucy flip of her hair and begins unloading her bags onto the small kitchen counter. She holds up a carton of ice cream. “Should I bother putting this away, or do you want to dive in right now?” 

Finn holds her hand out for the rocky road. “You know me so well.” 

“You’re welcome.” As Finn digs into the tub of ice cream, Jocelyn begins putting things away in the fridge. “You know,” she says into the veggie drawer, “I’m not kidding about your new neighbor. He’s got this angelic frat boy look to him. Have you met him yet?” 

“Yeah,” Finn says. “Last week. He offered to carry a package upstairs for me. Very polite, and totally not my type.” 

“Exactly.” Jocelyn sits on the couch with another spoon and slides the ice cream out of Finn’s grasp. “As your older sister, it’s my job to advise you on everything. Starting with your interest in men, which is, to be frank, utter shit.” 

Finn opens her mouth to object, but she can’t find fault with Jocelyn’s statement. Her last boyfriend wouldn’t come to any work events with her but insisted she attend all of his art shows. He had an ego the size of the Milky Way to make up for his abysmal lack of talent.

“You need to stop dating those neurotic, artsy types,” Jocelyn continues, “and date a man who can, like, actually kill a spider.”

“I’m perfectly capable of killing my own spiders.” As long as they’re small and not moving, but Finn doesn’t feel the need to share that caveat. 

“So am I,” Jocelyn says. “Do you want wine?” She doesn’t wait for Finn to answer before she gets up and goes straight for the cupboard that holds the long-stem glasses. “Anyway, that’s not my point. You need to stop dating boys who look good on paper and start dating men who are good. In real life.” 

Finn closes her book so that it doesn’t have to listen to this conversation. She accepts the wine glass from Jocelyn’s outstretched hand and swirls around the liquid within. It doesn’t go with the ice cream, but she’s 25 years old, so that doesn’t matter.

Jocelyn scowls at the closed book. “Virginia Woolf again, Finn? Are you ever going to read anything written in this century?”

Finn rolls her eyes. If there’s one thing her sister excels at, it’s being unsatisfied with all aspects of Finn’s life. “Are you here just to criticize me? Or are we watching ‘The Bachelor’?”

Jocelyn grins, spoon still in her mouth. “Oh, we’re watching ‘The Bachelor.’” 

-----

The thing about “The Bachelor,” Finn decides that night as she’s brushing her teeth, is that, for the women involved, the ones competing for the bachelor’s heart, there are no consequences. 

Oh, small consequences, sure. Your decision might make somebody else cry, or your heart might be slightly bruised, but at the end of it all, you’ve got thousands of new Instagram followers and you’re famous in your small town and everybody wants to date you, even though you chose, of your own free will, to engage in the skeptical that is a dating game show. 

But there are no big consequences, no bad consequences. A few months later and the next season’s airing, and everything you did, every dumb thing you said, every kiss you exchanged—it’s all forgotten. 

Maybe that’s the way to go, Finn thinks. 

Maybe next year, she ought to audition. She develops the pitch in her head: 25 year old ghostwriter of bestselling romance novels; lives alone in Los Angeles; has been considering, for an entire year, the adoption of a cat; has never been in love. 

It’s that last part that would sway them, she thinks. The producers would imagine her doe-eyed and innocent, maybe a bit naive. She’d be pitted against the season’s villain, the girl with dark hair (a visual contrast to Finn’s blond bob) who would stop at nothing to win her man. 

“How can she write romance novels when she has never known love?” audiences across America would wonder. 

Perhaps the bachelor himself would even inquire. Finn would smile shyly, bat her impossibly long eyelashes up at him, and say something coy like, “You could tutor me.” 

Jocelyn would love that. She lives for the drama, for what the editors create in post-production. She doesn’t care that it’s fake.

And every week Finn watches and wonders how she can keep selling love in her books when this show proves, without a doubt, that it doesn’t exist.

-----

The new downstairs neighbor works out in the mornings on his patio. Finn hears his music the next morning, drifting in through her open sliding door, around 8:30 AM. It’s not early enough for her to be justifiably annoyed at him, but she’s annoyed nonetheless, because she’s just sat down at her laptop with the intention of writing something today.

Something. Anything. Words on the page, that’s all she needs. 

Instead, she sighs, closing her laptop and crossing the room to the balcony. She slides the door open further, pushes the screen out of the way, and goes outside. When she and Jocelyn first moved in, the balcony was a huge appeal. “Outdoor space!” they’d squealed when they first saw the apartment listed online. But now Finn’s been here for two and a half years, and the balcony is just another space for dust to collect. 

It’s directly over Downstairs Neighbor’s patio. Finn looks down through the wooden slats and tries to catch a glimpse at him. She can hear Jocelyn’s voice in her head: He’s hot, right? I told you he was hot! 

In truth, though, Finn can’t see much through the small gaps between the planks. She can’t tell if he’s lifting weights or doing jumping jacks or playing a very enthusiastic game of cat’s cradle. He’s definitely grunting, though. 

Finn shakes her head, trying not to focus on the noises he’s making, and crosses the balcony. She leans her arms on the railing and looks out over the beauty of Los Angeles. Beauty referring, of course, to the parking lot. Finn can see her car, about thirty feet away, parked beneath an evil tree that drops red berries. It really needs to be washed. 

Maybe she should take it today. Maybe today will be the first day in a month that she’s gotten dressed in pants that have a zipper and a button, and she’ll go to the carwash and—

Feeling something crawling on her arm, Finn looks down, and oh, shit, it’s a spider. Not a little spider, not a daddy long legs, but one of those ones that’s big enough where you can see its body. It looks like one of those spiders a little kid draws around Halloween. 

Oh, shit. Finn lifts her arm, waving it wildly, trying to shake the spider loose before it bites her and turns her into Spider Woman, and that’s when she throws her mug of coffee into the air. 

“Oh, shit,” she says out loud. Time seems to slow as she watches her mug descend, coffee flying everywhere as the cup turns a full 360 degrees before landing with a crack on the concrete below. 

“What the fuck?” It’s Downstairs Neighbor. 

“Oh, shit,” Finn says again. Which, no doubt, Downstairs Neighbor heard. Oh, shit. That one’s in her head, at least.

She hears a grunt as he, she imagines, lowers his weight to the ground, then the snick of his sliding glass door, then the sound of his front door opening, and then, oh, shit, there he is, standing on the ground, looking at her broken coffee cup. 

Oh, shit, Finn thinks again as she drops to her knees, hiding herself from view. 

Apparently unsuccessfully, as not thirty seconds later, she hears, “I can see you, ya know.” 

Finn rises slowly to her feet and looks down. It’s hard not to admit that Jocelyn was right as she looks down at him, messy hair and blue eyes and muscles visible through his sweaty t-shirt. 

“Hi,” she says.

“Hi.” His eyes twinkle, and she knows he’s trying not to laugh at her. “This yours?” 

“Yeah. Sorry I interrupted you.” 

He laughs then, a light, musical sound that she can feel in her toes. Oh, shit. That’s not good. Finn’s characters feel laughter in their toes, but she certainly doesn’t. Feeling someone’s laughter in her toes is not a real thing, she’s always thought, except, apparently, it is.

“What happened?” he asks. 

“There was a spider.”

“A spider.” 

Finn nods, cheeks burning. “It was a big spider.” 

“You gonna come clean it up?” 

Finn nods again. “In a minute.” 

“Okay.” He grins up at her and she blushes back. 

Finn turns around and goes inside, sliding the door shut behind her, and waits, listening for the sounds of Downstairs neighbor reentering his own apartment, shutting the door, locking it. When a minute has passed without any of that, Finn realizes that he must be waiting for her. 

Oh, shit. Finn doesn’t have to be Jocelyn to know that this is not the ideal situation in which one wants to interact with Hot Downstairs Neighbor. But it seems like she doesn’t have a choice, so she slips on the flip flops she keeps by the door and goes downstairs. 

He’s still there, standing in the sunshine, squinting when he smiles. “There you are,” he says. 

“Here I am.” Finn looks down, surveying the damage. The mug has split into several large chunks, and maybe if Finn were better at diy-ing she’d be able to fix it, but as things stand now, it’s destined for the garbage. “Damn, I really liked that mug.” 

“I’ll buy you a new one,” Downstairs Neighbor says, which is such a strange thing to say that Finn startles, turning to stare at him. 

“Thanks?” she says. 

“You’re welcome.” He smiles, holding out his hand. “I’m Niall.” 

Finn accepts the handshake. “I’m Finn.” 

His hand is warm and a bit clammy, a bit like California in the summer, and her stomach goes topsy-turvy. She yanks her hand back. 

“Nice to meet you,” Niall says. “I guess you’re the neighbor who watches ‘The Bachelor’?” 

Jesus Christ, Finn thinks, dropping to a squat. She gathers up the pieces of her destroyed mug and doesn’t answer him. How nosy of him, asking her that. But then, she was the one listening to him work out this morning. 

“My sister likes it,” she says. “I’m just along for the ride.” 

“Hey, there’s no shame in liking ‘The Bachelor,’” Niall says, dropping down beside her. They reach for the last piece at the same time, hands brushing. Finn draws hers back, trying to ignore the tingling in her fingertips. “Here.” 

Finn accepts the final shard. “Thanks,” she says. “And I don’t like ‘The Bachelor.’ I think it’s silly.” 

Niall smiles at her again, all teeth and sunshine. “What’s silly about love?”

Finn blinks at him, trying to decide if he’s an idiot or just bad at small talk. Maybe both. “That show is not about love,” she says. “Have you ever seen it?” 

“No.” He shakes his head. “But I’ve heard it through the ceiling.” 

Jesus Christ, Finn thinks again. What a neighbor. She can’t wait to tell Jocelyn about this, to prove to her that Downstairs Neighbor may be hot, but his positive qualities end there. He’s intrusive and nosy and way, way too good looking.

“You can get back to your workout,” she says, standing up straight. He follows, forcing her to look up to meet his eyes. “Sorry for bothering you.” 

“Not a bother,” he says. “It was nice to meet you, Finn.” 

“Yep,” she says, offering him a half smile before she turns tail and dashes up the stairs, back to her safe, quiet, Downstairs Neighbor-free apartment. Back to her laptop, and the manuscript due in three months that she hasn’t managed to crack yet. Back to being hot and sweaty inside her apartment, instead of outside. 

“Have a good day!” he calls after her. She doesn’t return the greeting. 

-----

The next morning, a knock on the door wakes Finn up from a dream, the kind of dream that you know as soon as you wake was a good one, but it’s too late, you’ve forgotten it, and you won’t be able to get it back. 

“No,” she mutters, turning over in bed, burrowing into the pillow. “I’m sleeping.” But then the knock sounds again. “Damnit.” 

Finn climbs out of bed and reaches for her phone on the nightstand. 8:27 AM on a Wednesday. An acceptable hour for someone to be knocking on the door, she supposes. Except she was up till 1 o’clock trying to make her messy notes into something resembling an outline that could someday (someday soon, she hopes) be a book. 

The morning person disturbing her sleep knocks again, eliminating the possibility that it’s just UPS dropping off a package. Finn drops her phone on the bed and makes her way down the hall to the living room, where sunlight blares in so sharply it makes her squint. 

“Gah,” she says to herself as she pulls open the door. And then, “Oh, it’s you.”

“It’s me,” Hot Downstairs Neighbor—Niall, Finn corrects herself—says. “UPS dropped off this package at my door, but I think it’s yours.” 

Finn looks down at the envelope he’s holding out, but the label is blurry. Oh, shit, her glasses. “If you say so,” she says. “I’d have to grab my glasses to know for sure.” 

Niall smiles at her, she thinks, but the details of his face are a bit blurry. “I can wait,” he says. “We should make sure it’s yours.” 

Finn frowns at him for a second—He can read, can’t he? Shouldn’t he know if it’s her name on the label?—before deciding that it’s too early for an argument. “Fine, whatever,” she says, turning around and leaving him in the doorway. 

That’s where she expects him to stay, but when she returns to the door a minute later with her glasses perched on her nose, he’s inside her apartment, poking around the bookshelves on either side of her television. The package he brought over has been discarded on the coffee table. 

Finn ignores him for a second as she picks it up. Yep, it’s definitely hers. It’s a proof of her latest Isobel novel, if she had to guess. But she’s not going to open it now, not with Niall here. 

Niall, who is currently nosing around her living room, looking much too closely at things she’d rather he not see. 

“What are these?” Niall steps closer to the bookshelf, his eyes scanning the spines. “You read romance novels?”

“Not exactly,” Finn says. Which lie should she tell this time? She has a few prepared: “they’re my sister’s” or “my roommate forgot them when she moved out.” Said roommate is said sister, but for the sake of the lie, that wouldn’t matter. But then the truth slips out. “I write them.”

“You write them?” Niall repeats. He pulls one of the books out, Summer’s Dalliance, about two yoga instructors who find love during a training retreat in the Maldives. “You’re Isobel Soleil?”

Finn can tell from the way Niall says Isobel Soleil that he’s heard of her. Who hasn’t heard of her, these days? Her books are in grocery stores and airport shops and on bestseller lists and there’s a series in development with HBO. 

As a ghostwriter, Finn isn’t involved, but she knows the show will help move sales, which means bigger checks, which means maybe, eventually, she can write something she actually cares about.

“Not exactly.” Finn takes the book out of his hand and returns it to its place on the shelf. It’s not as if she’s proud of it. That’s not why she has it out. It’s just a placeholder until she publishes a book she’s actually proud of. “Isobel Soleil isn’t a person. She’s a brand. Her books are written by half a dozen different people. How do you think she can pump them out so quickly?”

“How quickly?” 

“Three or four a year.”

“And you wrote all of these?” Niall’s finger runs along the spines. “How many are there? Ten?”

“Eight,” Finn corrects. Eight cheesy, embarrassing, don’t-let-your-mother-see-you-reading-that novels. “But they’re formulaic and simplistic. They’re not… they’re not good.”

Niall shrugs. “They’re not high literature, you mean. Someone reads them, though, right? And the people who read them enjoy them. So who cares if they’re not high literature, Finn?” 

Finn swallows the sudden lump in her throat. How has Niall managed to get to the quick of things so, well, quick? “I care, I guess. This isn’t what I imagined I’d be doing when I was little, telling people I wanted to be a writer when I grew up.”

“So write something else,” Niall says. 

Finn sighs. She wishes it were that easy. If only she could break out of the mold she’s put herself in and write something else, something that’s not about two people falling in love. If only she could write something she actually believed in.

But she has a contract and a deadline and an agent and an editor on her back, and no choice but to finish this Isobel Soleil novel. 

“Maybe next summer,” she says. 

Niall considers her, nods. “Speaking of this summer,” he says slowly, like he’s thinking about what he’s going to say as he’s saying it, “I have free tickets to LACMA, and I just moved to town so I don’t know a ton of people. Want to go with me?” 

Say yes or no more ice cream, Jocelyn’s voice says in the back of Finn’s mind. 

“Sure,” she says. “But you know my secret”—she gestures to the bookshelves—“so now you have to tell me one of yours. So I know you’re not a serial killer or something.” 

He smiles at her and, damn, he’s good looking. “I’m a lawyer,” he says. “My new job doesn’t start till August, so I’m working remotely with my old firm until then.” 

“That’s not a secret.” Not a secret at all, but a great career for a hero in a romance novel. Finn makes a mental note. 

“Okay,” Niall says. He crosses his arms over his chest and leans back, lifting one hand to his chin, a classic thinking pose. “How about this? I’m not from here.” 

Finn shakes her head. She’d already guessed that from his accent, a soft, lilting Irish one that makes everything he says sound like a poem. “Not a secret either. You get one more try.” 

“One more try!” he says with mock shock. “I’ll make this good, then.”

He thinks and Finn waits, and in the thirty seconds it takes him to come up with a good secret, she wonders what the hell she’s doing, flirting with Hot Downstairs Neighbor in her living room while dressed in her pajamas. Oh, shit, she’s not wearing a bra, is she?

Finn crosses her arms over her chest and considers backing out of this conversation entirely by making something up that will put Niall off and convince him that she’s the worst possible LACMA companion. 

But then he says, “I can’t swim,” and that is distracting enough to make her forget everything else. 

“You can’t swim?” she asks. “What the hell are you doing in southern California?” 

Niall shrugs. His smile makes her insides go wonky. “Maybe you can teach me.” Then he holds out his phone. “Here, give me your number. I’ll text you and we can make plans.” 

She obliges, all the while wondering what exactly she’s gotten herself into. 

-----

LACMA day comes much quicker than Finn anticipates. When she and Niall first made the plans a week ago, Saturday seemed like ages away. There was so much she was going to do between now and then: repot all of her plants, make bread from scratch, work on her manuscript. But instead, she putters around her apartment, typing words here and there, ignoring how bad they are, and not baking bread. 

It’s a waste of a week, and not just because Niall is there, in the back of her mind, the whole time. 

Jocelyn’s excited, of course, for LACMA day, and insists on coming over the night before to help Finn select her outfit. Finn keeps reminding her that it’s summer in Los Angeles, so it’s a thousand degrees out and she will melt no matter what she wears, but Jocelyn doesn’t care.

Which is how Finn ends up knocking on Niall’s door on LACMA day dressed in a romper that’s giving her a wedgie, a purse she never carries slung over her shoulder. Jocelyn even forced her to wear lip gloss. 

“Lip gloss makes you a different person,” Jocelyn said last night on her way out. “I left you three options. Please wear one.” 

“I don’t take advice from the Sweet Valley Twins anymore,” Finn had retorted as she shut the door in Jocelyn’s face. 

But she’s wearing the lip gloss anyway. Her hair has already gotten stuck in it three times, and all she’s done is climb down the stairs. 

She knocks again, half hoping Niall hasn’t changed his mind and half hoping that he has. If he has, she can go back upstairs, put her pajamas on again, and continue to stare at her blank Word document. But then he opens the door.

“Good morning!” His smile is so bright it makes her squint. “Coffee?” 

He holds out a travel mug to her, waiting for her to take it. 

“Good morning,” she says after she takes a sip. The coffee is exactly the right temperature and perfectly sweet, which is almost enough to make her smile. “This is good coffee.” 

“It’s from Ecuador,” Niall says. He steps out onto the welcome mat and closes the apartment door behind him. “Hold this for me?” 

Finn holds his travel mug as he locks the door and turns the knob a couple of times to make sure it’s secure. Then he turns around, his smile lighting up his face. 

“Ready?” he asks.

“Ready,” she says, though she’s pretty sure she isn’t.

She learns, over the next few hours, that Niall’s energy is nonstop. He talks constantly during their drive to the museum, talks as they park the car, talks as they ride the elevator to the top floor and begin making their way through the galleries. He tells her where he’s from and where he went to school and what his favorite sports teams are. 

And she finds herself talking too. She tells him about her sister and where she went to school and how she got started writing Isobel Soleil novels, and the entire time, she’s taking mental notes about him, about the way he holds doors for her and grins down at her and laughs even when her jokes are barely funny. 

This is how the heroes in her novels behave. They are handsome and well-meaning and have substantial life goals. They are polite and conscientious and make the heroines feel brave and important and valued. And that’s how Finn finds herself feeling: like if she had something to say, Niall would listen to it. 

After the museum, they stop for lunch at a restaurant Finn found on Yelp as they were leaving the parking structure. It’s small and bright inside, but as Niall pulls out Finn’s chair for her, it occurs to her, for the first time, that this might actually be a date. 

Jocelyn had said as much last night, but Finn had ignored her, as she does with most things Jocelyn says. But now, seated across from Niall, with nowhere to look but at him, reality dawns, and it’s blinding. 

But, she decides, she won’t address it, and she carries on with the meal as if they are recent acquaintances and neighbors, which is, she reminds herself, exactly what they are. 

-----

After LACMA day, Niall texts Finn about the movie he’s watching, and she imagines she can hear it through the floor. Later that evening, he texts her good night, and then, the next day, he texts her good morning. The next weekend, they go to Venice Beach together, and they see a movie in a classic theater downtown the following Tuesday. That night, he comes over for dinner, and they cook together, finding their way around each other in Finn’s small kitchen. 

And all of a sudden, this summer is different, hot and sticky like all the others, but different because this summer has Niall. 

Niall on the couch, bare feet up on the coffee table, listing all the reasons that golf is superior to all other sports. 

Niall in the passenger’s seat of her car, singing along to the radio even when he doesn’t know the words, the sun setting behind him, lighting him up as if it’s saying, “Look, he’s beautiful.”

And he is beautiful. Niall in her thoughts, Niall on the back of her eyelids when she blinks, Niall in her dreams. Niall, beautiful. 

And Niall in her manuscript, try as she might to keep him out. In sticking with the proposal she made to her editor back in the spring, she’s writing about a doctor and an artist who meet when they’re sharing a wall in a duplex summer rental on the coast of Oregon. By midsummer, she’s written thirty thousand words, enough to reassure her editor that she’s still writing, that things are fine, and, upon rereading, she realizes that the doctor has become Niall.

The doctor, so sure of himself, driven and determined and sexier than any other hero she’s ever written. He is confident and has beautiful eyes and magic fingers, and the heroine, the artist, is head over heels in love with him before she’s even thought to like him. 

And the artist. Finn is the artist, the confused, prideful creative soul who doesn’t want love, is afraid of it, just wants to be left alone. But now she has the lawyer, the beautiful, handsome, intelligent, lovely lawyer who makes her want to stop hiding. He makes her want to feel things. He makes her want to reach out for him, to push her fears aside and let her have what she wants. 

July brings that realization and an unseasonal thunderstorm that forces Finn to bring out a bucket and email her landlord about that leak in the roof from December that still hasn’t been fixed. That’s a momentary distraction, at least, from thoughts of Niall, thoughts of Niall that are plaguing her every moment. Awake, asleep, Niall. Always Niall. 

It’s thundering overhead when there’s a knock at her door. She opens it, and there he is, like she’s conjured him.

“I brought wine,” he says, holding out the bottle.

“Come in,” she says. She thinks of how much has changed since she sat on her couch a month ago, drinking wine with Jocelyn. She wishes, for a moment, that she could go back. But then she looks at Niall again. 

And she doesn’t want to look away, like the artist doesn’t want to look away from the doctor. When you find something this perfect, why would you ever look away? Why would you let it go? 

Finn knows from experience, though, that sometimes you don’t get to choose when people leave. Sometimes they leave you, aching and cold and alone. Sometimes it’s not up to you. 

“Come in,” she says again. She grabs two wine glasses from the kitchen and joins Niall in the living room, where they sit on the couch, thighs pressed together, and he picks a movie for them to watch. 

She isn’t paying attention, though, as she downs two glasses of wine and wonders if Niall will kiss her tonight. She’d like him to, she decides, just as much as she doesn’t want him to. It’s like the Schroedinger’s cat of kisses—if they never kiss, she will never know the kiss, but she will also never know what happens after it. She will never know if they go further, if they stop abruptly, if he breaks her heart and leaves her in pieces, smashed on the concrete like her broken coffee mug. 

But she will also never know if it will be beautiful, like the loves of the characters in her novels, characters who risk their hearts when they don’t know what the outcome will be. The difference between Finn and Niall and the artist and the doctor, though, is that Finn can control the artist and the doctor. She can decide their ending, she can choose the words for the last page. 

And maybe, with Niall, she doesn’t want a last page. 

Two hours later, Finn is wine-drunk and sitting on the floor, her back pressed against the couch. Niall is next to her, the table pushed away from them to accommodate his long legs. She leans her head on his shoulder, thinking, in the way only a wine-addled mind will allow, that she’d like to keep this night forever, seal it into a locket and wear it around her neck. 

“Tell me again why you don’t like your books,” Niall says. He has her newest proof in front of him on the table. It’s littered with post-it notes, changes Finn would’ve made to it had she had more time. But it’s too late now, and it will print as is. 

“They’re not good,” Finn says, her go-to explanation. “I can do better.” 

Niall shakes his head. “But they are good. I read Sunshine in Your Mouth, and it’s good. You’re a good writer, Finn.” 

“Oh, no.” Finn ducks, covering her face with her arms. “You read it? I can’t believe you read it.” 

“Yeah, I did.” Niall tugs her arm away from her face. “Stop hiding from me.” 

Oh, if only he knew how apt that statement was, then maybe he wouldn’t say it. Finn puts her arms down and refills her wine glass. She knows she shouldn’t drink any more, but maybe if she does, she’ll stop thinking about how blue Niall’s eyes are and how soft his fingers feel against her arm. 

“Tell me the truth,” Niall says, thumbing the post-its in her proof copy. “Why don’t you like being Isobel Soleil?” 

“Because I’m not her. I’m not like her. I just don’t believe in love,” Finn tries to explain. “It’s like—”

Niall laughs. “Love’s not like the tooth fairy, Finn. You don’t have to have felt it to know it’s real.” 

Finn looks at him, at his soft cheeks and his pink lips and his messy hair. In another life, in another version of this world, maybe she and Niall have known each other forever, since they were kids. And maybe Finn loves Niall. Maybe she always has. Maybe they fit. Maybe it’s the easiest thing this other Finn’s ever felt. 

But the Finn that lives in this world, the one sitting on the floor of her apartment with her knees pulled to her chest and a half-empty wine glass in her hand—this Finn doesn’t feel things easily. Feelings are heavy and feelings hold you back and feelings stick around long after the people who brought them on are gone.

“My parents,” Finn says, “they got divorced when I was five.” 

“Finn, you don’t have to—” 

“It’s fine,” Finn says. The wine is talking now. The wine and the smell of Niall’s shampoo and the plunk plunk plunk of rain hitting the bucket on the kitchen floor. “My dad was sleeping with his secretary. Such a cliche, right? And it took my mom years to leave him. Years. He was sleeping with his secretary while my mom was pregnant with me. She kept thinking he’d stop, that he’d finally realize that he loved her, that he loved his family. She kept waiting, until she couldn’t anymore.” 

Finn feels Niall’s fingers brush against hers where they rest on the rug. “That’s why you don’t believe in love?”

“No.” Finn closes her eyes, her head tilting back against the sofa cushion. “That’s why I don’t let myself feel it.”

“Finn.” 

She doesn’t answer as Niall moves closer. Eyes closed, she can feel him entering her personal space, can feel the heat of his hand as he takes her wine glass, hears the clink of glass on wood as he puts it on the table. Feels his fingers on her cheek as he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Finn. Look at me.” 

So she does, opens her eyes and meets his, and it’s too much, it’s all too much, the way he’s looking at her like he can see her feelings, can read them as if they were written across her forehead.

“Stop looking at me like that,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper.

He smiles. “Like what?” 

“Like you like me.” The words are out before she can stop them, slipping from her lips like a sigh. 

“Finn.” He’s closer now, impossibly close, his hand on her cheek. “Finn, I more than like you.” 

“I—” Finn starts, but she doesn’t know what to say. 

She doesn’t know what this feeling is, the one taking over her chest and spreading to her stomach and traveling up her throat all the way to her eyeballs. It’s a headache and nausea at the same time, plus a sense of doom in her stomach, maybe the unconscious realization that this can’t last forever. 

Because feelings never do. Niall likes her now, likes her a lot, likes her enough to maybe kiss her against her dirty car in the parking lot fifty feet from their building. But that won’t last. He’ll like her for a bit and then he’ll like her less and less until nothing remains but the memory of the fire that used to burn, a bit of leftover smoke drifting skyward. 

And that’s when it will hurt. 

This will hurt, Finn thinks, but she jumps anyway. 

“Then kiss me,” she says. 

So he does, and in his kiss, for as long as it lasts, she lets herself feel everything: lets herself feel the sticky heat of summer and the sticky heat of a love so big it sucks you under, leaves you breathless, makes you hold on tight. 

She slides her hand into his hair and thinks, I will hold on tight. 

When it’s over, Niall pulls back, leans his forehead on hers. He’s breathing heavy when he says, “I’ve been wanting to do that for ages.” 

“I want to do it again,” Finn says. She slides her fingers under the collar of his shirt. 

Niall’s hand tightens on her waist. “Is that the wine talking?” 

Finn shakes her head. “No,” she says. “It’s me. And I more than like you, too.” 

Niall grins, bright and beautiful. “Good,” he says. “You’re my perfect summer.” 

He leans in to kiss her again, and Finn decides, in that split second before their lips meet, that even if all she gets with Niall is a summer, it will be beautiful and it will be perfect, the stuff of novels. The stuff of her novels. 

But, something in her gut tells her, Niall will be around for more than a summer.

He does live right downstairs, after all.