#SHELL DO ANYTHING FOR IT EVEN THOUGH SHE KNOWS ITS WRONG

[yb-cringe]

“i know im not doing the right things. or trusting the right people. i want to do the right things and trust the right people. but its hard when emotions get in the way”

[arolesbianism]

Every day I shake and cry as I stare longingly at years old posts and threads abt oni lore knowing very well that even if the original poster still gives a shit abt oni lore they probably don't give as much of a shit as I do

[elsaellaelys]

Queen Conch

summary: bestfriend!JJ sitting outside Y/N's bath, taking care of her while she's sick.

pairing: bestfriend!JJ Maybank x bestfriend!fem reader

'I was too lazy to count' words

a/n: is a short one. hope y'all like 3>

--☆--

JJ arrived Y/N's house happily, patting the shell he saved in his pocket just to make sure it was still whole, he brought it to complete her collection and so she could listen to the sea till she fell asleep like she always do, but the sounds of pain groans coming from the bathroom put a concern expression on his face, setting down the shell and his keys, he makes his way to follow the cries.

"Hey, Y/N, whats wrong?" he asks, kneeling next to her on the bathroom floor. She whines in answer, leaning her head on his chest like the clingy ill she is. "Come on, tell me what's wrong so I can do something."

"I was painting my book's shelf, the paint smell so bad, now my head hurts." she tells, closing her eyes and sighing to soothe the pain.

"Why you didn't used a mask?" JJ asked the obvious, his hands run through her hair slowly. She looked so small in his arms, he thought about telling her how he wished to put her in his pocket, but it sounded weird even in his thoughts.

"I didn't think it'd hurt so..." She leaned over the toiled, spilling her guts. JJ frowed, disgusted, but hold her hair back, one of his hands caressing circles in her back, he pouted, feeling sorry for her, feeling the need to care for her like a child.

"I'll run you a bath, come on." He said, standing up and turning on the bath faucet. Y/N flushed the toilet, leaning against the closet seat, she watched him furrowing his eyebrows at the soap bottles as to try to decide which was the right one. "You won't like this with... Patchihouly?"

"Patchouli." She giggles softly, her brain pounding against her skull "Urgh, just drop anything there."

"Right, right." he poured the soap on the water, bubbles filling the bath. "Get in." he turned around while she took off her robe, open the door to head out and give her privacy.

"You're not staying?" she whines inside the bathtub. He turns around, careful to not look to any place he shouldn't.

"Uhm..." He chuckles "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Don't be silly. I just don't wanna be alone." Y/N pouts at him. "See?" Her hands shake the water, creating foam above the surface, hiding her body under the soap bubbles.

"Right." JJ sits besides the bed, on the floor. She is laid back with her head against the wall and a pain frown on her face.

"You're a great friend, Jay."

JJ just smiles in answer, his hand brushing the hair out of her face. His mind wonders, not about her chest is half above the bubbles, but about he would do anything to take all her pain away, and see her beautiful smile and shining eyes. He notices the corners of her mouth turning up a bit. "What?" He asks.

"You're staring. Stop."

"I'm not staring. I'm looking out for you. Feeling better?" He asks, brushing her hair off her face. "How's your head?"

"Gorgeous." She jokes, JJ sees its true though, her wet hair, tired eyes, red cheeks, wet and sweat skin...

"Of course" he chuckles brushing it off.

She whispers. "Just talk me away. How did you do today?"

The memory pops on his mind and he runs to the coffee table, coming back with the shell he reaches out for her. "Oh! Is for me? Thank you." she says excited, holding with appreciation the brown and white queen conch. He watches her put it over her ear like always, smiling like a little child. He chuckles. It was so easy to make her happy.

"Is so easy to cheer you up." He points out.

Her cheeks are red, he doesn't know now if that's cause of the hot water, her headache or his words.

"Guess is your superpower."

Her delicate fingers playing with the shell, running throught the stripes, lips blowing softly the drops of water. It's his turn to become burgundy like a school boy.

[roach-works]

for all its (apparently many?) flaws, i really enjoyed the fallout show, and i'm ride or die for maximus, obviously. but one of the things i enjoyed about lucy's arc isn't that she wasn't necessarily proved RIGHT or WRONG about her own moral code, she didn't learn that either kindness is its own reward or that niceness is suicidal in a fight for survival.

what she learned, i am pretty sure, is that context matters. you can't actually help people if you don't know anything about them. you can't enact justice if you don't know what the case on trial is. you can't come in out of nowhere and make snap decisions and be anything more than one more complication in a situation that was fucked up long before you were born.

that's what we see over and over: she comes in out of nowhere, she makes an attempt to help based on her immediate assumption of what's going on, and then everything continues to be dangerous and complicated and fucked up. she doesn't let the stoners explain that some ghouls will genuinely try to eat you the minute they get the chance, and she pays for it. she jumps to the wrong conclusion in vault 4 because not everyone who looks like a monster IS a monster, and she pays for it. yeah a lot of the time cooper is abusing her for his own satisfaction, but when she's a free agent she's a loose canon and it's not because the show is punishing her for TRYING to do the right thing. it's because the show is punishing her for jumping to conclusions.

this show gets a lot of laughs from Fish Out Of Water situations, but i think that even though cooper explicitly says "you'll change up here and not for the better, you'll become corrupted and selfish just to survive" that's not the real message. what lucy learns is how important it is to hear people out, meet them where they're at, and get the full story.

that's why the final confrontation with her father is so important. she hears everyone out. she gets the full story. she listens to all of it. and then she acts with full knowledge of situation. that's what the wasteland taught her: not to be cruel, not to be selfish, but that taking the time to understand what's actually going on really matters.

this is a show that's incredibly concerned with truth and lies. everyone is lying to each other and themselves. scenes change over and over as they're recontextualized. love and hate and grief and hope are just motives in a million interconnected shell games, not redeeming justifications. maximus's many compounded falsehoods are approved of by his own superior, who finds a corrupt pawn more useful than an honorable one. cooper finds out his wife has her own private agenda and this betrayal keeps him going for centuries. lucy's entire society is artificial and from the moment they find out they're not safe and maybe never have been, all the vault dwellers are scrambling to deal with that.

ANYWAY. i just think it's neat. sci fi is a lens to analyze our present through a hypothetical future, and i think it's pretty significant for this current age we live in, where we're all grappling with misinformation, conspiracy theories, propaganda, and deepfakes, there's a huge anxiety over how hard it can be to find the truth out about anything. i think the show suggests that it's always worth the work to try.

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Hi. I have a pretty specific request for Kaz x reader. Basically, the reader was a part of the dregs for some time, well acquainted with Kaz, Nina and Inej (and Jesper, though I don't remember when he dropped studies and joined, but like yeah). After some time (2 years?) the reader is sent off to a job that causes them not to run into the main group a lot. For half a year they almost disappear (maybe swindling people in the harbor or watching some other Dregs’ territory). When they return all is good, new scars were definitely made and all, but that's a part of the job. They did mess up their leg though, having the knee crushed by a heavy object. They didn't get to heal it and after half a year its pretty hard to really fix. Unfortunately, they were known for their dancing and athletics as well as hand to hand combat before. That was why thy were seen as a valuable asset in the first place. And in the Dregs it’s not uncommon to overlook or hide injuries. So, though it's clear that something is wrong, they downplay it, afraid of being seen as weak or useless. But they struggle on the daily. I mean, from experience, that kind of an unhealed injury is hard to manage - they don't know how to sleep without pain flaring up bc the usual positions just don't work anymore, they have to relearn walking the stairs in a painless manner, whether changes are number one enemy, riding in anything is a nightmare bc the roads are bumpy, sitting apparently can cause pain too not to even mention walking. And all the fighting and acrobatics aren't as effective. They try to make others forget, trying to dance with Nina and Jes and sparring with Inej as if nothing happened. They want their life and self worth back

Before, they were known for keeping Kaz at a distance, which doesn't change at first. They still bicker, the reader is still distrustful. But I think he would be helpful. Not out of kindness, especially at first, but out of convenience. He can’t have them messing things up and so it starts small with offhand tips. Just enough not to have them get killed. Later, perhaps, they start talking more and the reader isn't sure if Kaz is still just the ruthless asshole they have to work with

To be fair, I don't have much plot. I just have my love for bittersweet stories and my messed up leg to provide inspiration. Also, don't care what you do with the gender, I used they/them to make in neutral but I don't really care. I know this request is long. No pressure if you don't like this scenario

-☆

My apologies for this taking so long. I was just scared that I wasn’t gonna do this justice. I hope it’s at least somewhat close. 🥺😫

Broken dreams

Playing a part was always hard. Fitting different masks. Making sure they didn’t slip. Always a smile. Always a careless, wild girl. But she just died last year. She was beaten. Broken to bits. Tossed aside. Left to die in that ally. To rot. Forgotten. Would anyone have come looking for you? Would have missed you? Grieved you? They killed the innocent girl that day. Left a broken shell of a woman in her way.

“Come on one more”, Nina pulled at your hand breathlessly. You quickly shoot her a smile, pushing the demons running in your mind aside. “We just sat down”, you chuckled while in reality, the idea of being up on your feet was making you want to turn to the side and vomit. “Oh, come on, we used to dance all night long, remember?”, she tossed her head back, downing her drink. “Jasper always steps on my toes, I need you to save me from that”, she cackled. Your eyes followed Jasper who was turning Wylan around. How much has everything changed in the time you were gone? It felt as if you no longer belonged. As if this version of you didn’t belong here anymore. “Are you feeling okay?”, Nina’s worried eyes watched you and you instantly nudged her, “Morning my freedom now that you’ve pretty much left your boyfriend for me”, you teased her. Happy to see her laugh. Off the hook then. “Lead the way”, you urged her. You could dance. Then down half the bottle of painkillers. Snatch one of the absolute bottles from Kaz’s drawer. It would work. You just had to pretend for a bit longer.

The pain was unbearable once you finally excused yourself. Sobbing the whole way back to the den. The agony felt like tongues of flames. No longer just in your legs. All over your body now. You slumped against the door. Letting yourself breathe. Trying to breathe. Only twenty sets of steps. It used to be only. Now it felt like twenty too many. Ot aggravated you. You wanted your body back. Wanted your freedom back. Wanted to be able to do things that others did. You just wanted it all to stop.

“Back early”, the voice makes you halt. Eyes growing big, you wipe your face before turning around, “Been a while since I drank so freely, Nina is also too persuasive”, you shoot a somewhat dazed smile at Kaz, who’s leaning against the the hallway arch. “You used to dance till early morning sun”, his words meet the target in a blind shot. Making your eyes sting once more. “You used to be more quiet. Don’t want to crawl back to your hole?”, it’s bitter. So bitter because he had learned to live with his pain. You were jealous of that. You had hoped that by watching him you would learn some tricks. How to navigate things that were easy once but brought you pain now. You learned to walk down the stairs because of him. Of watching him.

“You’ve changed”, Kaz’s eyes don’t leave you as he speaks. “Rich coming from you”, you let out a chuckle, locking the outside door. “You’re defensive”, he continues to push, “You were never defensive with me. We argued. You tested my patience but you never bit me”, you hear the sound of his cane, then the smooth steps. “Why are you biting me now, YN?”, Kaz asks. “Don’t make everything about yourself, Kaz”, you turned around swiftly, feeling your legs dip slightly beneath your weight. But you bite back the cry of pain, stepping forward. Hoping to escape him. But Kaz’s cane comes in front of you blocking your way.

“You don’t get to walk away”, he grunts, turning his head to you. “I’ll ask this once”, his voice low, lethal, “So take your time to think”. You can feel him. Feel his eyes when he asks, “Who hurt you?”. The anger takes flight within you. Sending traitorous tears falling down your cheeks, “If I have an idea they would be six feet under”. He had played his part. Made you open the throbbing wound up for him to see. “They captured me. Broke my knees. I couldn’t…”, the words tumble freely, as you hide your face in your palms. “Why didn’t you say anything?”, his tone is blank, emotionless.

“What was I supposed to say?”, you crock out in frustration, “I was worthless then. I was of no use”. Kaz clenches his jaw, “So you hide the truth from me?”. You can’t help but growl in frustration, “I did the job you gave me. I got you what you wanted, what else do you want from me for fuck sake”.

And it’s a matter of heartbeats as your back hits the wall, Kaz’s cane now pressed against your chest, “I don’t give a fuck about the job”, he spats, veins visible in his tense neck now. “We could have gotten you a good doctor, could have…”, he grunts, “Did anyone look at the injury at all?”. You look at him for a moment. You could lie but what’s the point? “Some passing by a doctor”, you admit, “Fixed what he was able to, wished me luck, and left”.

Kaz shakes his head as he steps back, “How bad is the pain?”, “You want to bask in it?”, you clip right at him. “I should throw you out. Make you pay for ruining your own body so carelessly”, he hisses, “Legally you are mine. I own you. So your legs are mine to worry about”. You scoff, “How sweet of you, my gods”. Kaz’s gloved hand catches your jaw, the touch starts you both it seems. “I’m mad at you because you should have spoken up. I would have helped you. Would have dropped everything and made my way to you”, Kaz snarls through gritted teeth, “You’re starting physical therapy from tomorrow. That’s an order”, he steps back, pulls at his west. You blink up at him, knowing that you should say something. Anything. He would have come to you. But was it true? “If you ever pull anything like this ever again…”, Kaz doesn’t finish but you know well what his words imply, “I’ll see you in the morning at my office. Think well about the features of people who attacked”.

[cryptidghostgirl]

The Line (Port Mafia!Dazai x Port Mafia!Reader)

Pairing: Dazai Osamu x Reader

Description: Something is there, but if they both pretend it isn't, then everything is okay.

Warnings: Angsty but also more fluff than angst I think, mafia stuff, bomb talk, its Dazai so double suicide mentioned once. Sex also mentioned in passing like once. I think that is it, please correct me if I am wrong.

Word Count: 1,262

Master Lists:

All Master Lists 

Bungou Stray Dogs Master List

Hazbin Hotel Master List 

A/N so i found a screenshot of this tumblr post of this quote on pinterest and besties,, I am running with it. I will add the quote in at the end.

Was it his hand on the small of her back? Was it the feeling of his whispered breaths against the shell of her ear? When had the line been crossed, if it had been crossed at all? Neither really seemed to know where it had even been drawn in the first place. Perhaps that was the trouble with it all.

Danger was a part of life for those unlucky enough to call themselves members of Yokohama's notorious Port Mafia. It was the only constant, in Y/n's eyes. Well, danger and Dazai, but they were kind of one in the same, weren't they?

"Belladonna."

The same low, constant hum. She looked up from her desk.

Dazai stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame with an aloof air. He'd grown quite a bit in the two years since she had met him. She supposed she must have grown as well but, somehow, he still seemed to be exactly the same. It was the calculating quality of his gaze. It was the smirk, the way the light glinted off his hair.

"That's new."

Y/n gestured towards the man with the end of the pen she grasped in her hand. Almost without thought, he raised a hand of his own to the bandage on his left cheek.

"I suppose it is."

They were never supposed to have even met one another in the first place. Their jobs were ones that should have pulled them far apart from each other's graces. He was an executive, after all, and she was just a lowly clerk. She dealt with numbers, paying off people who needed paying off, covering up the footprints of great men like him. He was supposed to send his subordinates to deal with her. That was what everyone else always did. Dazai wasn't like everyone else though, was he.

"I've got something for you." he stated, straightening up and taking a few steps into the room, his hands firmly in the pockets of his coat.

Y/n raised her eyebrows.

"What is it, another job?"

"A present."

Dazai pulled a box from his pocket, snapping it down on top of the work Y/n had splayed out over the desk's surface before her. It was large and flat. She eyed it suspiciously.

"It wont bite."

"You do."

"I said it, didn't I?"

"What is it, a bomb? Think it would be funny to watch me struggle to deal with something like that?"

"Don't give me any ideas." Dazai playfully replied.

"Is it full of anthrax? I have already told you, I have no interest in committing a double suicide."

"Just open it."

The Mafia was a dangerous place, those who worked there lead dangerous lives. There was no denying the living, breathing thing between Y/n and Dazai but... there was no place for such a creature here. Besides, neither of them would know what to do about it if there was. They had both forgotten how to be gentle long ago, were unsure if it had ever been in their nature in the first place. All that was left was the sharpness.

Hesitantly, Y/n picked the dark red box up and opened the lid. Nestled in the black velvet of the interior was a necklace. It was old, an antique locket of sorts with a few flowers engraved on its oval front.

"Nightshade." she commented.

"Made me think of you, Belladonna."

That was one of the things that helped tow the line, the invisible and complex line. Y/n never called Dazai anything other than his last name and Dazai only referred to her as 'Belladonna.' At first, the name had irritated her. It had felt like a denial of her personhood, her individuality. That was before she had known there had been a line to cross at all. She was older now, wiser. She looked back up at him.

"How sweet." she bitterly replied.

Dazai smiled his lazy smile in response. A girl could give up everything for a smile like that, even her life. Y/n wouldn't though. If she was willing to, that was mean it was all lost. They would have crossed the line long ago, if that were true. They couldn't have that. The line was what kept them safe, kept hem sheltered, kept them. He closed the distance, stepping up beside her in the space behind her desk.

"Here."

Long, slender fingers snaked around the locket's delicate chain, pulling it from its bed. Y/n's breath caught in her throat as his fingers brushed against the back of her neck, securing the necklace. It felt heavy against her chest, a foriegn weight that seemed to cut right through her skin to her bones below. Gently, he slipped a hand under her chin, tilting her face up to him.

"Perfect." he hummed.

Had they already crossed it? Was it too late? If so, what had been the deciding factor? Was it the late nights up on the roof, talking till the sun rose? Was it the knocks at her door at odd hours? Had it been their legs tangled together beneath the covers night after night, no sex required?

"Thank you."

What needed to happen, what change had to occur for them to be able to say the words that echoed in the backs of their minds?

Dazai's hand lingered on her face for a moment longer. Y/n mourned the warmth of his touch as he dragged his fingers from her.

"I have to go."

Y/n sighed, turning back to her messy desk.

"The work of a Mafioso is never complete, is it."

A statement, not a question. Dazai let out a light laugh in agreement. Y/n picked her pen back up, listening intently to his footsteps as he crossed back over to the door. At the sound of a pause, a hesitation in the pattern, she looked back up.

"Same time same place?"

She smiled. Tonight, the kitchens. Stolen food, stolen time. Stolen kisses too most likley.

"Yeah."

Belladonna. Something poisonous, something detrimental. Something completely and entirely his, if he was brave enough to take her. Dazai wasn't so sure he was, not right now at any rate. Dazai was a man who didn't like uncertainties. In fact, he avoided them at all nearly costs. He didn't know if the day would ever come when the bravery or the assurance would arrive. With things as they were now, it felt inevitable. A ticking bomb, a precariously placed glass. One wrong move, and everything would shatter.

With a curt nod, he disappeared back out into the hallway. Y/n listened to his footsteps against the carpet of the hall as he retreated, picturing the way he must look in the moment, wondering where he was off to.

The line was there, the brick wall between them. They both knew it. How far was too far? Was it holding hands as they walked down the street, checking to make sure no one could see? They already did that. They already did a lot of things. Maybe... maybe the line would dissolve when the fear left or, maybe, when it felt more manageable, they would be able to cross it, if they hadn't already.

How far was too far?

Y/n reached her hand up to her chest, fingering the cool silver of the locket where it hung at her collar. Maybe, just maybe, they had gone to far already. Maybe the world was already falling down around them, they just hadn't noticed it yet.

----

Here is the quote that inspired this:

[enb-y]

↬ ROTTMNT BOYS FINDING OUT THAT READER OWNS A KITTEN

rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles.

request: ❝ hello, can i request headcanons where the rise turtles react to the reader having a pet kitten? platonic or romantic, i don't mind, and gender neutral pronouns please ^^ ❞ — anonymous.

warnings: mentions of ticks, deworming, ringworm, fleas, mild swearing, unedited. could be read as platonic or romantic.

characters: raphael, leonardo, donatello, michelangelo.

writers note: cats, my all time favorite menace. I actually have one— well, that felon is my sisters, but I take care of her like she’s my damn cat. (sigh, I miss my cat 😔)

readers pronouns are not mentioned nor included.

*◌ೃ࿔ ┆RAPHAEL.

✶ raphael, the one who adores animals of all creatures. although, some of them don’t even like him half the time. most likely do to fear, or simply he’s not their kind of guy. raph is quite the scary and intimidating guy, yet he’s a major softy inside that scary shell. so, the first thing he does is try to smother the kitten, okay not too literally. however, in a more mature manner, he does try to help you with the kitten, especially if you just got it.

✶ raph will help you bathe the kitten if you find it off the streets. he highly recommends you to take it to the vet to see if it has any major issues, and he’ll definitely help you find the siblings and mother, that’s only if it’s not abandoned.

✶ he's really gentle with the kitten, especially knowing his size and strength. the kitten is smaller than his damn hands. he loves animals, he thinks he’s some kind of animal whisperer, snow white headass. let’s not forget to de-flea it, he will not help you pluck you out the ticks. he’s afraid of doing something wrong and the bug's head getting stuck inside the poor animal's skin.

✶ he’s fine with helping you remove the flea’s from its fur and putting medicine on it, but he will never pluck goddamn ticks from it. he does not fuck with them. and knowing that they also suck on anything that has blood? he’s good, he’ll have nightmares though.

*◌ೃ࿔ ┆LEONARDO.

✶ leonardo thinks kittens are cute. but he’ll only like them if they feel the same way about him. he’ll most likely back off if he sees or hears a cat hissing. he does not fuck with grumpy ass felines, sure they’re cute, but he does not care. leo likes kittens and he would like to have one, yet he can’t, because all the kittens and cats that he and brother brought home all tried to have their dad as their meal. which, of course, got them gradually kicked out of the sewers.

✶ leonardo definitely tries to help you with your animal, especially if it’s a stray. he’s had his fair shares of beef with stray animals and he’s won every single battle. (no he didn’t, he ran away.) he highly recommends you to get the animal checked for any worms and other issues that it may have. not only that, he’s cautions and he doesn’t want you nor himself catching ringworm.

✶ he probably steals cat food for you, since he can’t be seen by humans and all that junk. but if you’ve bought the kitten from someone, he’s definitely smothering the kitten. he’ll think of it as his child, the single child that he’s always wanted. leo likes animals, to a certain extent, and he’s aware of the responsibility of taking care of an animal, especially a kitten.

✶ leo is more than willing to help you out with it, just ring him up and he’s there in a flash, literally. leonardo thinks that cats are cute and fluffy. he likes their purring and how they swipe toys around with their paws.

*◌ೃ࿔ ┆DONATELLO.

✶ honestly, I see donatello as a cat person. he likes their independence and quietness. although he’s aware of how loud they can get and would literally knock just about anything off your desk. but other than that, he likes cats. when he heard that you had just gotten a kitten. he wants to immediately know if that kitten is healthy and to see a vet if it’s a stray. it isn’t surprising that he’s awfully gentle with said kitten.

✶ he’s there with you when you’re picking it up and he wants to hold it the moment you get it, because he said so. this guy absolutely loves cats, he thinks they’re cutest shits on the planet.

✶ he tells you which brand of food is good for the kitten and what litter you should use and what type of litter box you should also get for it.. which some of them are quite expensive. not too worry, he’ll find a way to get you those nice things for your little kitten who will grow up to be spoiled.

✶ he gets toys for the kitten and would love it if the kitten laid on his lap as he pets it. the only thing he doesn’t like is shedding, he doesn’t like things sticking to his clothes that he decides to wear during that day.

*◌ೃ࿔ ┆MICHELANGELO.

✶ he’s also someone who loves animals. he watches enough videos about animals and non-domesticated cats, which he does not like watching all the time, for good reasons too. he literally would help you take care of it, because he wants to and he likes to spend time with the little kitten. he doesn’t care where you gotten it from he just thinks it’s cute to watch over, especially since it’s small and playful.

✶ he’s definitely been scratched and bitten by it. he forgave it because it’s just a baby and they almost always acted out during those ages. if it’s a baby where it still needs a bottle and it’s been abandoned or the mother isn’t around anymore, he’ll take care of it for you if you can’t do it on those days when you’re busy.

✶ he doesn’t really care too much about the shedding that cats do, he keeps those sticky rollers around to take off the fur before he returns home from spending time with you and the kitten.

✶ this guy squealed when he saw the kitten laying on its bed. his first instinct was to hold it. mikey loves animals, so whatever you bring home, he’s the first one, other than his brother raph to hold it and pet it, because he said so. he also adopted it along with you and helps you with feeding and treatments, that’s only if the little one has any, and bought it treats and whatnot.

end - I finally did it. I’ve finally finished this. this has been sitting in the drafts for, not too long, I think. but I’m just glad to have this done, but I’m sorry you had to wait a while for me to finish this. it’s 5:23am so ima try to go to sleep, gm everyone.

[dullgecko]

I realise I’ve been sending you a bunch of fig centric ones so have another that includes all the bad kids

Riz will eat anything and I mean anything like he’s eaten vegetables that were like 70% mould before and didn’t notice anything wrong. At worst he ate a rocks in a bet with Fabian and didn’t even have any adverse effects.

Gorgug can eat most things meat based as long as there not to out of date but when he ate raw chicken in front of the bad kids for the first time it gave all the bad kids a scare apart from Riz who thought it was completely normal.

Pre archdevil fig could eat more than the normal human but not by a huge amount but loved spicy things and you could not find a spice on the mortal plane that she could not tolerate.

Post archdevil is a different story all together now all mortal spices don’t even register as spicy and she has to start getting them from hell. Fig is altogether a good cook due to Sandra Lynn teaching her. So the first time she cooks with this new spices she literally nearly kills riz who’s nose is very sensitive to spices. she has since been banned from cooking spicy foods for other people as the stronger “hell spices” could knock out a normal human

Adaine and Fabian have mostly normal palettes but Fabian swears he can eat more spicy foods than fig and has had to have Kristen heal him on more than one occasion.

Kristen needs to be very careful when cooking because if she adds to much or corn a spiteful Helio will animate it. Though Helio also has issues if she puts not corn in her foods.

Riz and his mom both have mythril stomachs, and given how food-insecure they've been since his dad died he /hates/ wasting food. Goblins dont need to or even want to eat full meals every day but when they do they try to pack away as MUCH as possible. When he got really hungry as a kid he'd even dumpster dive outside their appartment because he didnt want to worry his mom by asking for more food and basically any food scraps he found in there were still good by goblin standards. Its also how he developed his crippling coffee habit, if he gets really hungry he's able to supress his appetite somewhat with it.

He can eat basically anything as long as its not poisonous, and has the jaw strength and tooth sharpness to grind down rocks into powder. Stale bread, bones, shells and even straight up wood don't stand a chance. He does have to be a little more careful about what plants he eats now though because he kept consuming things that he was allergic to and made his allergy reactions worse.

He's not eating random half-rotten or mouldy food as often now though because while at school he gets MOST of his meals from the caffeteria rather than at home because its free. He's less likely to injest something he shouldnt accidentally but just in case he does his whole party is primed and ready to dose him with his allergy meds if he starts developing hives.

----------------------

Gorgug and Riz sometimes have hangouts at the Thistlespring tree where they spend the whole time wilding out a little and ripping into raw meat with their bare hands and teeth (meat provided by Wilma and Digby after Lydia had a word with them about Gorgugs eating habits). Its fun and it satisfies a primal part of their brains to just go nuts on a fresh chunk of animal flesh. When with the other kids they'll, begrudgingly, eat their chicken and fish properly cooked though just because it makes some of them gag.

The other bad kids have caught both of them, on more than one occasion, licking blood off their hands after a particularly brutal fight. Gorgug slightly less often than Riz because he's using an ax, but the goblin if disarmed or unable to swing his sword will resort to biting and clawing. Everyone but Gorgug was initialy grossed out (What the FUCK the ball spit it out you dont know where they've been) but they got used to it eventually. They've started to develop a ranking system, based on taste, of the various creatures Riz has chomped on.

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Fig and Riz are spicy-food buddies, but ONLY if the spicyness itself is from chillis. Riz cant feel the heat from capsasium but he enjoys the taste, whereas Fig loves it for how hot it is so they'll often split some questionably edible mega-hot curries when they order takeaway. Fabian tried a bite once and was coughing and crying for hours afterwards (the second bite he took on a dare required healing afterwards).

Once she starts integrating more exotic spices into her meals is where the problem starts. Riz can finally TASTE the spicyness and he's of the opinion that she's insane if thats what she feels when she eats chilli. Fig accidentally tear-gassed him once by using a spice that, once she did some research, they worked out was a straight up goblin repellant. He walked into the kitchen as she took the lid off a pan full of chilli and immediatly had a coughing fit so bad they were worried they'd have to call an ambulance (he was fine after a while, he just had to sit outside on the lawn in the fresh air until his sinus stopped stinging and his eyes stopped watering... he may have also gotten Adaine to dump a full bottle of milk on his face).

----------------------

Its a delicate balancing act for Kristen trying to make things without what she's cooking become sentient and hostile. Luckily it seems to only be isolated to things that get heated up, so she's safe making sandwiches and salads, but anything that requires the use of the oven or pans needs a quick dusting of cornflower to appease Helio or there are consequences.

[titlemewickedwonderland]

Mask Off (Nameless Ghouls x Reader)

Summary: Nothing hurts more than never being able to see the people you love ever again. Death hurts even worse. So when Y/n, a sister of Sin within the folds of the Clergy gets word that her best friend back in her hometown is dead; she reacts in unexpected ways. The Ghouls know something's up with their favorite sibling and when they find out the truth behind her odd behavior they can only follow their instincts.

Prompt: "Let yourself fall apart, just for tonight. I'll make sure to hold you together."

Triggers: Mention of suicide, grief, angst, cursing, and comfort.

Support my work!

The beautiful thing about the Clergy was its vast diversity. Its range of ethnicity, personalities, and sexualities was large and accepting of those who wished to join the cause. Some siblings joined because they believed in the cause, others were fans who were recruited, and then there were those like Y/n who didn't have anywhere else to go because their family ties were severed or strained.

Y/n had always been the black sheep of the family; that weird sibling or cousin in the family that people would smile at and then talk behind their backs about her while she wasn't listening. She never really had friends; not really. Not those who would do almost anything for her or have her back in a spot of trouble. Except perhaps one. Y/n's best friend since middle school had been her strength for the longest time when she was still living with her parents and the closest thing Y/n had experienced as a family. While everybody else turned their backs on Y/n when she'd chosen to take part in the Clergy her BFF supported her despite both their struggles as outcasts.

Even when her best friend stayed behind in their small town while she went to join Ghost the two stayed in contact. Y/n often worried about them; knowing that they would get picked on and hounded because they were friends with 'that weird girl who left to join a satanic church'.

What Y/n didn't expect though was what would happen next. It'd been a year. A long year apart from her best friend but they kept in contact. Bff never once hinted at something being wrong. Y/n never even sensed the change or felt the brewing storm ahead. That was why the news came as a shock to her. No, perhaps not a shock more like a wrecking ball to her heart, which she'd left unguarded the past year as she'd gotten closer and closer to the Ghouls of the Clergy and made friends with other Siblings of the Church that had helped her break loose from her shell.

She should have known better. She should have seen the signs. And now it was too late to fix things. No one could talk to the dead or bring them back. Not even Papa.

~

The news came not from a phone call from family or even the police. The news came from Sister Imperator herself after the director had gotten a call from Y/n's best friend's uncle who her best friend had been living with at the time.

Y/n had woken up early that morning unable to sleep and decided to take on the tasks of chores she was supposed to do later that morning after breakfast when one of the older era ghouls came up to her while she was sweeping the corridors.

The girl had been idly sweeping while her earbuds rested in her ears blasting music when she'd looked up at the appearance of black boots she nearly swept some dirt and dust over causing her to jump backward and look up.

"Shit!" she yanked the buds from her ears and breathed a sigh when she noticed the familiar figure of the bulky ghoul in front of her. "Ifrit! I'm sorry I hadn't heard you. I was just listening to music and doing some chores a little earlier than usual...is everything okay? Can I help you with something?" she asked flashing him a warm smile.

The ghoul was silent for a moment; a feat that was not like Ifrit at all. He usually was joyous and loud, always physically affectionate and welcoming. But the way he stood there staring at her was unnerving making her think perhaps she'd gotten Ifrit and Alpha mixed up; they were similar in build after all but the notion was thrown out the window when Ifrit's voice spoke through the silver mask that covered his entire face.

"I'm sorry Sister. Would you mind following me? Sister Imperator wishes to see you."

Y/n blinked at him a moment in confusion. Had she done something wrong? Usually, when you were summoned to Sister Imperator's office it meant you'd done something wrong and that was exactly what Y/n thought happened. Had she forgotten a chore the other day? Did she do it wrong? Had she missed something important like a meeting or a ritual? She had been feeling awful tired recently for unknown reasons even to her so she'd been out of it a lot but she swore she hadn't done anything wrong, right?

"I-is...everything okay? Am I in trouble?" her eyes widened a bit fearful now.

Ifrit's head shook as he reached out in his usual form of physical affection to wrap a bulky arm around her shoulders. "No. You're not in trouble. Don't worry. Come on, let's not keep her waiting."

Comforted a little by the fact she wasn't in trouble and the familiar affection from the older ghoul Y/n followed along; leaving the broom leaning against the wall with the dustpan in the hall in favor of walking with Ifrit down the halls toward the director's office.

When they arrived at the office Y/n walked in a bit wary but curious...when she came out her face was utterly blank and her eyes dull. The words still bouncing in her head as she walked almost in a daze back to the broom and dustpan she's left out...continuing her work as if nothing had happened. But her movements were slow and sluggish; her mind not where it should be as she wracked over the news.

She didn't even realize when the siblings began to come out of their dorms for breakfast and greet her with a wave and calls of 'good morning' which were not returned as if they hadn't even been heard. She didn't even realize when the figures of a few familiar dark-clad figures came walking down the hall.

An arm was slung over her shoulders and her body was yanked playfully against a chest at her back as Swiss' voice boomed in greeting somewhere above her bent head.

"Y/n! Morning sweetheart! I heard you were up early-"

his words halted when her head raised and he had a glance at the glisten that coated her eyes before she ducked from beneath his hold and grabbed her cleaning supplies.

"I'm sorry Swiss. I'm very busy right now. I'll hang out another time." she didn't even spare the others a glance as she brushed past Rain and Sodo with her head bent out of view as she went back down the hall to put away her supplies.

"What was that about?" Rain murmured tilting his head and watching as the sibling raced down the hallway as if hell itself was at her heels.

"Something's not right..." Sodo muttered as he too watched before turning to look at Swiss who was staring after the girl with wide eyes behind his goggled mask stock still and frozen in the position he had been in with his arm hovering in midair as if he too couldn't believe she'd just brushed him off like that.

"She...."

"What? What's going on? Hey, do you know what's going on with Y/n she just completely ignored me when I said hi." Aether spoke up as he walked up with Mountain at his side.

"She was crying..." the ghouls turned to look at Swiss who dropped his stance and shook his head. "Y/n never cries..."

"She had a loved one pass away." The ghouls all turned to see Ifrit leaning against the wall behind Swiss; his silver mask leaned sideways against the stone wall as he studied the empty hallway.

"What?" Rain murmured suddenly feeling sad for their favorite sibling.

"Got the news this morning. Her best friend I think. Suicide from the sounds of it." Ifrit murmured before pushing himself up off the wall. "I'd be very careful around her for right now; she's fragile."

"Fuck, man." Sodo blew out a breath as he turned to look at his packmates.

There was a look that passed between them that clearly spoke volumes more than words could as they seemed to speak telepathically.

"Good luck." Ifrit waved to them as he turned knowing damn well Papa's ghouls wouldn't just sit back and do nothing while Y/n suffered alone at her loss.

~

You never know how strong a person is until they lose everything yet still keep going. To have the strength to get up in the morning and simply live. Y/n didn't feel strong. Even when she woke up day after day for the next week; sleep not coming to her so she'd often find herself finding ways to keep herself occupied. By cleaning, organizing, and even going so far as to pick up the work for others so that she didn't have to think about the pain in her heart.

But no one could be strong forever. To act immune and to carry on like nothing happened after such a loss. Whether family or friend; if someone has an impact on you and you lose that person it's one of the hardest things to endure. But just like a cup, it can overflow; there is just too much emotion going on that eventually it'll just combust.

The ghouls could sense it. The irritation, the lack of sleep, and the avoidance of everybody around her. Y/n was breaking and she'd stopped taking care of herself. So when she was in the kitchen preparing some food for the clergy for her morning shift as a cook with a few others and she'd dropped a plate with clumsy hands causing the porcelain to shatter into fragments on the floor they realized it was her breaking point.

Aether who had been helping in the kitchen with her (more so to keep an eye on Y/n than actually to help) was quick to rush to her side as Y/n dropped to the floor to pick up the shards and grasp with trembling fingers as she gripped the sharp pieces without care to safety.

"Hey! Hey hold on. I got it, it's okay -" Aether rushed to reassure the girl as he saw her tremble.

Y/n shook her head as she fought off his hands while trying to snag the pieces off the floor. "I-I got it Aether. It was my fault. I dropped it. I can clean it up. I have to, it's my fault and-" The quintessence's hands engulfed hers when she suddenly hissed and yanked her hands away from a bloodied piece of porcelain that had sliced her finger; stopping her movements and causing her to look up at him with teary bloodshot eyes with the dark circles from lack of sleep.

"Sweetie you look awful. How long has it been since you had a proper night's rest?" the ghoul murmured feeling his heartbreak at how awful she looked.

Y/n only shrugged and looked back down. It wasn't as if it was a secret anymore; it had spread like wildfire of the news. Starting from where she didn't know. But everybody seemed to know about her friend's death but no one seemed to know how to comfort the sibling.

"Come on, let's get your finger cleaned up and get you to bed okay? You need some rest. I'll have some tea made for you and-"

"I don't need to be fucking babied Aether!" Y/n voice rose sharply as she yanked her hands away and went to the sink to rinse the blood off.

The other sibling helping her cook for that morning looked over wide-eyed but Aether merely shook his head silently telling them not to interfere as he rose to his feet and walked over to the girl.

"I know, sweetheart," he replied softly as he came to stand beside her with watchful eyes. "But enough is enough...it's time you start taking care of yourself again. If you keep this up...you'll-"

"I'll what, Aether? Die? Maybe I deserve it! Maybe I fucking deserve to die! Maybe then I'd be able to see them again!" Y/n turned swiftly and stormed out of the kitchen moments after her outburst.

But Aether wouldn't let her get away that easy. Everybody else avoided her; afraid of her anger and her irritation. Afraid of what she would say when she broke. Not him, not him or his packmates. They wouldn't let her fade away or slip through their fingers because nobody wanted to help her.

So he chased after her; catching her in the hallway just as Sodo stepped into her path to block her. He'd smelled her blood. Aether knew. Sodo was the most sensitive to the scent of blood and he'd honed in on it like a shark. But not to devour her instead he blocked her path from escaping as Aether blocked her back.

"Come on baby doll. It's time to stop running." Sodo murmured holding his hands up as she shifted as if she was going to run around him.

"You won't let me go. Will you?" Y/n stared daggers at the two of them.

"Aw, sweetheart you know we'd fight for you to the end. Even if it means we have to fight you to save you from yourself." Swiss sidled up beside Sodo in the hall blocking her in even more; caging her from escaping.

She stared at them for what felt like an eternity before her shoulders slumped in defeat. "Okay..." she finally whispered. "You win."

A pair of arms slipped under her knees and her back before she was suddenly pulled up into Sodo's arms; despite being such a small fellow he had some strength in those lithe muscles as he carried her down the hall. But not towards the sibling's quarters but further past into a hallway she rarely went into - the Ghoul wing.

Swiss opened the door into the common room and Sodo slipped inside followed by the Multi-ghoul and the quintessence ghoul at his heels. Y/n leaned her head against Sodo's shoulder; feeling the rough frill fabric of the shoulder pads of his uniform as he stalked inside and placed himself on the big couch with her on his lap. She didn't protest while she soaked up his heat.

She didn't fight when Mountain came around the couch to sit beside her and grab her hand; examining the cut finger before he began to apply ointment and bandage it. She allowed her eyes to stay closed and her mind go foggy as she lulled herself into Sodo's chest for once feeling as if she wouldn't fall apart - wondering why she had been so afraid of someone trying to comfort her. Because she was scared of looking weak. Of allowing herself to be weak after being the one who always smiled and comforted other people.

When Sodo began to shift off the couch her eyes opened in startlement only to find that while she had been zoned out the others had rearranged the common room; The furniture had been shoved aside and a pile of blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, and other articles of comfort lay in a pile on the floor like some kind of hurricane had gone through the rooms.

Her body was placed onto a soft comforter and she looked up at the towering figures above her in confusion. She didn't have long to wait as the lights were dimmed to their lowest settings and the sound of clanking helmets began to be unfastened. She was surprised when a warm body dropped down beside her on the comforter and she turned her head to see the familiar glow of orange from Sodo's eyes as he pulled her into his side.

She hadn't seen the ghouls without their masks before and even though the dimness prevented many of their features to be hard to see she still sensed a form of vulnerability from them as the others came to the makeshift nest on the floor. Mountain ended up as a cushion for the others as he lounged and stretched out against the pillows. Sodo's head rested against the Earth ghoul's thigh while Y/n rested on the Fire ghoul's chest. Swiss' body came to curl around Y/n from behind and rested his head on Mountain's stomach. Aether draped himself behind Sodo and his arm draped over Rain who'd slithered his way between Sodo and Y/n; resting his dark curly head on her stomach and wrapping his arms around her waist.

She was bracketed and pinned beneath and between the ghouls in a form of a ghoulish cuddle pile but she couldn't find it in herself to feel the irritation and anger of being smothered. Instead, she felt the soft rumbles of her friends like a physical thrum vibrating through her from all sides while clawed hands stroked parts of her they could reach in ways of comfort while tails curled around limbs. She'd never felt so supported and safe then she had in such a long time that it actually made her tear up.

Aether seemed to sense it as he gently stroked his knuckles along her temple. "Hey, it's okay. We're right here sweetheart."

"Take your mask off; just for today," Swiss added as he nuzzled her shoulder.

Rain tipped his head up to look at her; his blue eyes gazing at her with a sense of acceptance instead of pity - glittering with tears of his own as he seemed to feel her pain. "You don't have to put up a brave face with us, love."

"Let yourself fall apart if you have to." Mountain added from above her as his large hand petted her hair.

Y/n felt her lip tremble as her throat closed up with emotion. They were so kind to her. Always even when Sodo pranked her or when Swiss would flirt with her. When Aether dragged her into some kind of mischief when Mountain and Rain would help her with her chores or teach her about nature. They had always been there for her so why had she pushed them away when she needed them the most? Because she was stubborn and hot-headed...too independent. Or maybe because growing up she'd learned love didn't come easy and lies could be deceived through honeyed lips and false smiles.

The first tear slipped down her cheek and she closed her eyes. No one had been there for her except for her friend. But that didn't mean she was alone anymore; because even when her friend was gone from this world. Losing a battle that no one helped fight with them; Y/n's best friend gave her these ghouls to her to show her she didn't have to be alone anymore.

And so she cried. The tears came like a torrent rain as the oceans of emotion, grief, and sadness...of acceptance and love pooled inside of her and escaped through her eyes. She cried for her lost friend who'd been her everything and she cried for herself; of the memories she had and would forever cherish - of the opportunity she realized she had to make more memories with the people who truly cared about her like her best friend had.

The arms around her tightened and Sodo pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead; whispering against her skin as he felt his own throat close up with emotion as he listened to her sob.

"You'll be alright, baby girl. We promise to hold you together."

[melancholicbat666]

Don't do this

Note: Carmen used to be your friend (from work), but then both of you, end up in The Beef, working hard, and hating everything, again, together.

Maybe there will be more chapters.

Carmen's "golden cook" and favorite in the kitchen, was the quickest, most emotional, and skilled out of the staff, despite Carmen's relatively closed-off and neutral demeanor. Carmen moved to the almost bankrupt and stressful restaurant, and Eliza came along; agreed to the idea after almost demoting the head chef to an embarrassing position. The kitchen was now filled with shouts, arguments, and serving food that was anything but perfect.

"Do not stir like that," Carmen said, looking at the pot and then at Liz's face. "It is completely wrong for the food that will be served. Do what I say."

"Oh my god." She said, looking tired and angry.

Liz was on the other side of the kitchen, Carmen heard her but directed his anger at another employee. Even though Carmen never raised his voice at her during their time working together in the restaurants of Paris, she never would have called him a fool, or shouted, "You are getting more and more stupid due to all of this stress! Chef, you are becoming stupid." Even if the explanation was true. Carmen thought if Liz ever made a film about her biography, it would start with "Sorry, but I never used to be so rude in the kitchen, but the restaurant changed me."

At the end of the day, the kitchen is clean (but no less chaotic), and the reception is organized, all ready to close, in just a few minutes. In a futile attempt to calm down, Liz went to the supply closet, into a gray and silent alley, and lit up on her third cigarette, the air releasing the tension from her body. She seemed to be thinking about irrelevant things, about street creation, about the building that made up The Beef's neighborhood, and finally, about the brain's ability to think about irrelevant things, especially when you're on the verge of a breakdown. Two more drags. The rusty metal door made its dramatic sound, she opened it as if in a suspense film (another irrelevant thought), and when the noise subsided, Carmen appeared, passing his hand over his hair incessantly.

They just stood there, staring at each other, with the awkward atmosphere of shyness and discomfort. The embarrassment of not knowing what to think or feel, at the end of the day, after the hell of it all, was all that could be left behind in that alley.

He leaned against the moldy wall, feeling his pant pocket and even his shirt, maybe expecting some secret compartment to reveal itself in his shirt.

-I have cigarettes, if that's what you lost. I have many of them.-Liz said, tapping her finger to knock off the accumulated ash.

Carmen just nodded, and the girl fished in her pocket for a cigarette, withdrew one from her pack, and extended it to him.

-Thank you.-The boy spoke with the tobacco between his lips, making a shell that blocked the sight of the lighter, and once he managed to light it, his face tilted to the opposite side of where the girl was, as the smoke escaped from his lips with a certain charm. Two monkeys, placing in smoke and then throwing it out again, one next to the other, with only kissing sounds on the filter, and sighs.

-Sorry to ask for a cigarette.-His face was still turned away from hers.-I didn't have time to buy yesterday.

-Okay.-Another sigh.-I've always dreamed of this.

-What?-The man ran his blond hair against the dirty wall, as he finally turned his head to her side.

-I've always dreamed of loading you with nicotine all day long, or maybe filling your mouth with cigarettes.-Carmen continued to look, but with an intrigued and inconvenient expression. He threw her cigarette onto the floor.-Then you would stop yelling in everyone's ear.

He turned his body completely in her direction, the cigarette on the floor, his arms crossed, and his body was no longer leaning against the wall.

-I didn't use to yell until I got here. I need to yell to be heard, it's not like any refined restaurant.

-It's not the shouting, it's how disturbed you seem.

Silence settled.

-Then go. I don't have to pretend to be happy or satisfied, while I manage a restaurant in ruins, especially if it's for you, who at least knows more than my name and the foods I know how to do.

And there he was, glaring at her, with his mouth set and his eyes wide open.

"I hope you get better. We'll see each other tomorrow, Carmen."

Liz opened the noisy back door and walked out, hoping to find a taxi or a bus stop. It was a long and sad day and she'd have a cigarette before getting to wherever she'd end up, but damn it, she'd given him her last one.

Meanwhile, Carmen was putting off the day's accounting, staring at the apron that Liz had dumped on her counter, discarded and abandoned. He just wanted the best for everyone, the best of the only thing that his brother had left.

[luniidae]

~ Stubborn ~

Chapter X

Note: Damn, it's been an eternity since the last chapter and I'm sorry for that. The last few months have been exhausting and it was hard for me to write, so... I don't know if I'm satisfied or not but hey, I hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless 🖤

____________________________________

Raphael accepted to teach Luvia how to use her power, on one condition only: since the blood magic practice required a lot of energy, she would have to eat properly and daily again. Because despite her fancy appearance, Luvia has been weakened by all those days spent in her bedroom, barely eating anything. Her eyes weren't as shiny as usual, just like her skin.

Luvia used to be pale, but this time, she looked sick. Sick and exhausted. But she was determined to make everything she could to prove him she was strong enough to endure this new step in her magical education. She wanted to be the only owner of her body again, to be something, someone.

"What are they doing here ?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

About a week later, Luvia seemed to be in a better shape. Her face had regained color and the dark circles under her eyes had completly disappeared, almost as if nothing wrong ever happened. She looked ready.

One day, Raphael and her headed to the training room where the young woman used to practice magic with Korilla, the Cambion had brought five debtors with him.

"As indicated by its name, blood magic requires blood, and you'll make a use of theirs", he made a gesture to designate the miserable beings who followed him.

"But I can use mine", she replied with a hint of challenge in her eyes. Raphael chuckled.

"Oh no, you can't. Not yet. Don't be so eager ... You have to start from the beginning if you want to be as efficient as possible"

Luvia looked a bit annoyed by his response, but she couldn't really protest.

"One more thing before we begin though"

Raphael headed to the young woman

"Here, you'd need these", he handed her a pack of rings which were claw shaped,

"Your supposed claws are too short, so I had these made to fill this little... Inconvenience", he added almost coldly while he was taking one of her hands to put the rings at the end of her fingers.

Luvia's sudden transformation had a few side effects on her, including her nails which will never become claws. She felt a bit hurt by the way he talked about it, as if the fact that she would never be what she was supposed to be wasn't that important. His tone seemed almost reproving and it hurt her. It was his fault if she was in this state, his fault if her "claws" wasn't enough. She wanted to tell him but she remained calm.

"Be careful, they're very sharp", he warned her.

"Say that to them..." She answered with a bold look, giving a nod towards the debtors behind him.

"Do not play this game with me, Luvia ...", Raphael stared at her with a calm yet menacing look, "Now, let's get started"

He grabbed one of the debtors - an elf - and brought her before Luvia who suddenly looked a bit confused.

"... Is there anything wrong?", he asked.

The young woman hesitated for a second, then she finally spoke

"Have I ... To kill them ?"

"Well, it is up to you, but no, you don't have to"

"How am I supposed to do then?"

Raphael raised an eyebrow and sighed.

"Be creative, Luvia. Feel free to scrape them, cut them, stab them, slice their throat, disembowel them even if you want. But remember this: you only need blood, not a slaughter"

The Dracanist had never hurt anyone before, beside her Lackey, but that was different... It was to protect herself.

The miserable woman sounded lost, she weren't really looking at Luvia, as if she couldn't see her.

"They're all doomed, Luvia. They're nothing but an empty shell, so do not hesitate. You won't have this luxury when you'll face more.... "Conscious" creatures", the devil said, stopping the track of her thoughts. Raphael was standing a few meters away, his arms crossed on his chest. 

Luvia took a step forward, grabbing the debtor's wrist delicately, making her shiver 

"Now, make it bleed"

His tone was clear. This was not a suggestion, but a command.

Slowly, gently even, Luvia made her index run along the woman's wrist. She stopped for a few seconds as she saw their flesh being cut as much easy as a piece of paper. Those claws were really sharp...

A scarlet line appeared on their pale flesh, and a few drops of blood fell on the floor, the uncomfortable drip resonating in the silence of the room. Luvia gulped as she couldn't tell how she was feeling at this very moment. It was a mix of disgust and fascination.

Her eyes began to glow with a scarlet sparkle while wisps of blood swirled around her head.. Her power was now awoken.

"What am I supposed to do now ?" She asked again, looking at Raphael.

"You're not controlling anything right now, you need to focus on a specific intention. This a mind game but it is not that different from your usual use of magic"

He took a few steps forward and reached her, looking down at the debtor's arms.

Luvia could feel the familiar sensation of the power within her, but it felt slightly different. She could feel her veins shivering of excitement and her blood boil, it wasn't unpleasant at all. It was warm and comforting, like a discreet yet friendly embrace. The swirls of blood started to crackle and glow as the Dracanist tried to concentrate. But she couldn't do anything with such a poor amount of blood. She needed more... She looked up at the elf, her eyes staring at everywhere and anywhere at the same time. Luvia couldn't help but feel sorry for her. They never have done anything to her and she didn't want to hurt them either but she needed to.

"Go on", the devil said, "You won't make any progress if you're so hesitating, unless..."

He paused for a second, "... Unless that is too much for your sensitive soul", he smirked, his chin resting on one of his fists.

She glared at him. He knew which button to press to make her react, he knew how strong her spirit of contradiction was and how she could be stubborn. And it worked.

However, she also noticed that Raphael used to keep his human form whenever they met recently. It was very unusual since he didn't need to hide his true form from anyone here. But she didn't dare to ask him why... Anyways, she wanted to show him he was wrong about her, and she took the debtor's other wrist firmly, having no idea that she was doing exactly what he expected from her.

Luvia frowned, hit right in her self-esteem. After everything she went through, after the horns, after Haarlep... Being called "sensitive" sounded like an insult in Raphael's mouth. She was mad at him for what he had done, for letting what happened to her happen. But she was even more mad at herself, because despite all of this, she was enjoying the moment and his presence. She has always liked spending time with him, but in those particular circumstances, she felt really dumb...

She took a deep breath, her gaze whispering a silent apology to the poor creature in front of her. She cut the elf's flesh again, confidently and stronger this time, and the crimson liquid flowed out her parted skin.

The bloody wirls became more intense and she could feel the power withing her increase. Luvia started playing with those bloody ribbons, making them dance around her hands and her fingers. She made them spark, crackle, flying away. She kept playing with these for several long minutes, forgetting about her victim, about Raphael, about everything. All this energy, this power, around her, this blood, it felt like.... Home. Like a faraway heritage she never knew yet hidden deep inside, waiting to be revealed.... And used.

Although Luvia thought only a few minutes had passed, her trance had actually lasted a little longer. After a moment, the debtor suddenly collapsed on the floor in a loud sound. Back to her, the Dracanist stepped back in astonishment.

"What happened to her ?!" Luvia exclaimed.

"Out of resources already.... Fine, next one", the Cambion said as he was turning on his heels, about to reach another guineapig 

"Why, what ? What do you mean ?"

Raphael raised an eyebrow.

"You know what happened, we studied it. Do not tell me you forgot everything already..."

"But I... I didn't imagine it would look like this", she admitted.

The debtor was laying down on the floor, completely dry and paler than ever, almost grey or blue. The elf seemed like "absorbed" from the inside and her eyes were nothing but dark holes now. The vision was disturbing since she now looked like an old corpse with an expression of terror. 

"Did I... Kill her ?", she asked, an uncertain echoe in her voice.

"You used her, that is different", he brought her a dwarf this time, he looked more agitated than the previous subject... 

"And you need another one. He's shorter but he's a tough one", he taped his shoulder and took a step back.

As if she had already forgotten about the poor elf, Luvia was surprised to feel more comfortable despite the troubled look of the new debtor. She almost..... Liked that ? She tried to shake off this feeling but she couldn't ignore this sense of satisfaction than was running through her body, to see the fear in their eyes, the apprehension of an inevitable moment... She felt more confident, but the young woman was still hesitating though.

"You want to try something else, don't you?", Raphael asked with a smirk, perfectly knowing the answer.

Luvia looked back at him, a hint of anticipation in her eyes. The sight and the smell of blood were intoxicating, almost natural to her, she wanted more of it and soon, the urge to take it would be stronger than the will to spare them.

”You know...", the devil started,"I said there was no need for a slaughter because I wasn't disposed to send anyone to clean the mess after. But i wouldn’t mind a little bloody show...”, he said nonchalantly 

"I...I don't know...", She said.

"Why come on, Luvia. We both know it is a matter of time before you finally accept this part of yourself"

The young woman raised an eyebrow.

"What do you know about myself anyway?" 

Raphael chuckled.

"Oh dear, you are like an open book. You are not very good at hiding your emotions, and looking into those crimson eyes of yours are enough to know that you're denying the truth, your thirst for blood. You are just too afraid to admit it.... Let me help you"

The Cambion snapped his fingers and the dwarf was now hanging up by his feet, screaming in panic like a pig. 

Luvia frowned since the sound of the debtor was really annoying.

The dwarf was gesticulating in all directions in a vain attempt to free himself. Luvia wondered if he was aware of what was happening and what was going to happen to him. She could almost have felt compassion if seeing him in this state had not awakened something else in her: a primal, voracious instinct, a hunter's instinct that was just waiting to blossom.

Killing prey that didn't flee or resist wasn't stimulating. That had been the case with the elf. Static, submissive, it didn't take much effort or pleasure to settle her score. On the other hand, a prey fighting for its life... This is a very interesting spectacle. Luvia was doing her best not to let this new sensation overwhelm her, but deep down she wanted to see him run, flee from her, hoping to escape her.

She imagined catching up with him and pouncing on him like a displacer beast. She would have pierced his flesh, would have marked him alive, taken his vital essence to increase her power... Luvia shook her head to clear her thoughts.

"Come on, it's never good to repress your true nature", said Raphael playfully, "Or are you really not ready for this training", he added with a hint of challenge.

It's true that Luvia wasn't supposed to start this early. After all, despite her grown up appearance, she was barely 15 years old. Perhaps she should have waited before confronting herself with the tumults of her deep nature. But Luvia didn't care...

Everything always went too fast in her life anyway, today wouldn't be an exception. She glared at Raphael, and with a violent slash of her claws, slit the throat of the poor dwarf who began to bleed out in grotesque suffocation, his eyes bulging, gesticulating even more. Once again, the reddish liquid began to glow upon contact with Luvia, enveloping her in a scarlet swirl... The more she wielded this power of hers, the more her brain felt "anesthetized", making her incapable of feeling the slightest scruple or feeling of empathy towards the poor wretches she mutilated. She almost ended up getting a taste for it.

However, despite her efforts, she was unable to maintain the flow of her magical energy. Once her victim ran out of blood and died, the scarlet swirls would disappear. She concentrated harder, cutting into the pulpits in various ways, in various places, in the hope that it would make a difference. In vain. And soon, the ground was littered with corpses bathing in their own blood.

“That will be enough for today, Luvia” Raphael told her, slowly approaching her and struggling to avoid the pools of blood.

“No, I can do it!” retorted the young woman in a determined but slightly panicked tone. If there was one thing that Luvia had trouble dealing with, especially at her young age, it was frustration, and she couldn't stand the idea of ​​being interrupted in her progress.

“I said, that’s enough”, insisted the Cambion firmly, slightly annoyed to see her once again challenging his authority.

"But I was almost there! I only need a few more. Two or three at most! It's not as if the corridors were empty of them!", she replied in an almost authoritarian and flippant tone.

Raphael didn't know what to answer at the moment, taken aback by the bitterness of her words. His eyes widened for a brief moment then seemed to soften. The subject had never been broached until now... To tell the truth, he had never intended to do so, which did not seem to be the case for Luvia who was struggling more and more to keep her calm.

"It would be so easy, huh?", she continued in a sarcastic tone, "To just... Do it again and... And... Leave me...."

Her voice cracked and her fists clenched so tightly that her hands were quickly covered in her own blood. Blood which crackled only very faintly. She was doing everything possible not to let her emotions carry her away, but her breathing quickened and keeping her teary eyes wide open didn't stop the tears from streaming down her cheeks without the slightest effort. Luvia couldn't finish her sentence.

It was too painful for her, but there seemed to be something else. With what she had endured recently, and added to that a first approach to blood magic that was intense to say the least, it was logical that the young Dracanist was somewhat "disturbed", and her vision became blurred.

Her face, which had previously displayed an expression of anger and pain, was suddenly very expressionless, almost lifeless, with a hint of worry. Her eyes finally rolled back as the muscles in her legs gave out. Raphael barely had time to catch her before she hit the ground.

The Devil had acted without thinking, which surprised him. Ordinarily, he probably wouldn't have lifted a finger and let her fall on the floor. He carried her out of the room and ordered other debtors to clean up the place while he took her back to his room, just like he did a few weeks ago, when he took her from the Boudoir. She seemed so peaceful, and yet there was a real storm brewing beneath the surface. The next few months, maybe even the next few years, would not be easy for her...

Luvia woke up in her room two or three hours later, her vision blurry and her head heavy, trying to put her mind in order. She briefly remembered the last events, her training with Raphael and her inability to control her power. She felt ridiculous, useless, she wanted to succeed on the first try, but she was far too ambitious... Or...

She noticed a plate next to her bed, full of fruits and pastries...

"For my stubborn little mouse"

The note said.

........ Yes, stubborn.....

To be continued...

BONUS:

[jj-maybanks-daughter]

seizure

jjs daughter has a seizure.

warnings- reader has a seizure, blood, throwing up

it was a normal day. y/n had gotten home from a long day of school.

"hey, y/n/n john b called out from the kitchen of the chateuo as she walked through the door.

"hey" she answered. "have you seen my dad?"

"he's working putside, what's up?" he asked putting down his phone.

"I dunno, I just don't feel great" she shrugged and sat next to Sarah on the couch

"what's wrong?" Sarah mouthed to y/n

"period" she mouthed back. "I gotta headache can you get my some ibuprofen? she asked walking back into the kitchen.

"yea, here" john b handed her two ibuprofen from the bottle and she got a.glass of water. she sat on one of the stools up to the counter and took her medicine.

out of nowhere, there was a thud from the kitchen

"y/n?" sarah asked from the living roo., wrapped.in john he arms. she walked in to see y/n on the ground, her body twitching and shaking as her eyes rolled to the back of her head. "john b!" she yelled as she looked down at.y/n

"what?" he asked walking in. "oh shit... go get jj" she continued to shake and John b squatted down to hold her head, noticing the blood on his fingers "shit" she was still seizing and john b still held her head even though he would get her blood all over his hands

jj and Sarah came running in, jj covered in dirt that tracked into the house. he noticed the blood and hos eyes went wide. Sarah noticed too. she ran to the bathroom and threw up at the amount of blood.

"what do I do?!!" jj yelled looking down at his daughters twitching, unconscious body.

john b remained calm for jj. "call an ambulance, shell be ok, but they need to stitch this"

"ok,ok" jj reached in his pocket for his phone "shit, its outide."

"mines on the couch, use it" he watched y/n as her shaking settled and twitching became farther apart. her eyes shut as she lied still. too still.

john b checked if she was breathing "shit" he started doing compressions her body. he knew how to do it from his days life guarding at the country club. jj walkes back in in shock on the phone, but he trusted john b. he took john bs place holding her head as he gave her mouth to mouth.

she started breathing on her own but wasn't conscious. "shes good, Shea good" John b reassured jj. "just make sure she keeps breathing"

sarah came back from the bathroom feeling super guilty but she couldn't help it.

"is she ok?" Sarah asked, wiping the tears in her eyes

jj went to grab a towel or something to try to hold more blood in.

"sarah, come here" john b motioned his finger for her to come closer.

"yeah?" she asked scared

"I need you to hold down right here, can you do that for me?" he asked, nudging his head down to wear his fingers were checking to feel her breath. "I need to keep the bleeding under contoll, but I can't do that if I can't tell she's breathing" he spoke calmly

sarah walked over and sat next to john b, placing her finger under her nose to feel the air, and her head on y/ns chest. john b catches the towel jj threw to him swiftly as jj kept on the phone with the 911 operator.

"they'll be here in ten minutes" jj told the pogues as he slammed his phone on the counter.

"hey guys! what are we- omg! what happened!?" kie yelled as her and pope walked in through the door

"we will explain later" john b spokw, pushing y/n hair out of her face

out of nowhere, she started seizing again, her body jumping up and down and thrusting side to side. "its ok, its ok" john b assured Sarah as she watched in horror

pope and kid watched, holding onto eachothter. jj was outside.waiting for the ambulance while this was going on.

"w-what can we do?" kid asked john b.

"we can't really do anything. not until we know what's going on." john b informed. for the short while his uncle was with him, he had seizurers, leaving john b to take care of him and know what to do.

she suddenly stopped jolting. john b wronged out the blood soaked towel so soak up more. "is she breathing" john b grunted

sarah put her head over her chest and listened for her breathing as the rest waited in suspense

"I-i don't kniw" she cried. john b looked at pope, directing him with his eyes to check.

"nah" pope informed as he couldn't hear anhthing.

"hold this for me" john b instructed as he took a listen for himself. "shit, this isn't good" he pinched her nose with his bloody fingers and blew air into her mouth.

sarah cried to kiara "is she gonna be ok"

"not sure, we need the parametics" john b huffed after waiting to give her more air. "uncle T didn't have them this bad" he informed, looking down to y/he body

after a few more puffs, she was breathing again. "how's she doing" jj asked, oblivious of what just happened

"I don't know dude" john b huffed, smackinf his hands on his pants. "are they almost here"

"I think so" jj sighed, looking down to see y/he discolored face

"Did she say anything other than she didn't feel good?" John b asked Sarah after a moment of silence

"she said she was on her period but nothing else" she sniffed

"sign of epilepsy" john b muttered

"having your period?" jj scoffed

"no, dumbass, seizing when your on your period" he replied

"how the fuck you know,smart ass" jj added, rolling his eyes

"bro go to the couch and pick up the newpapers on the fucking table. uncle t had epilepsy, remember?"

jj got up and walked over. "for the first time in john bs life. he ain't wromg" jj joked

"can I see it" pope asked. "hold the towel, j" he washed his hands of the blood and looked at the pamphlet. he read for a MI Ute "its likely she has epilipsy. I mean that was a tonic-clonic seizure according to this" he stated

"how do you know you weren't even bere" jj asked, burrowing his eyebrows

"she just had another" kid informed

"whats taking them so long" jj huffed,looking at the clock. "its been more than ten minute" he rolled his eyes

he had gotten a call from the hospital. "hello?" he asked

"we were gold to send an ambulance your way. unfortunately, there was a car accident that's eager that we need to take care of. if you can wait another thirty minutes, you can stay there but if not, take her to the hospital." she informed through the phone

"we donf have a car, it's in the shop" he grunted through the phone.

"then you'll have yo wait, I'm sorry, I know this is not ideal"

"shes bleeding and unconscious, I mean we can't wait thirty minutes" he complained

"make sure she keeps breathing and do anything you can to stop the bleed, pack it." she directed

jjs phone died.

"shit"

hopefully remember to finish tomorrow😊

[erogenousmind]

House Guest

The doorbell played a little jingle as Ren pressed it which startled her out of her soporific state. Her rideshare had driven off out of sight, leaving her alone on the doorstep, one hand on the small suitcase trailing behind her and the other hovering, index finger extended, by the button next to the front door of the impressive suburban home she found herself in front of. What on earth was she doing here?

Ren was about to start walking back toward the driveway. But to what exactly? Where could she go from here? She might check the address again, make sure she was at the right house. And then what? Fortunately, the door opened just as she began to turn around. Between the step up into the entry way, the modest heels she wore, and her own impressive height, the women who greeted her stood a full foot above Ren. The word “Stepford” flashed into Ren’s mind before the woman had a chance to speak. Her makeup was perfect, her skirt attractive but modest, and she wore an apron that showed just enough spots of flour and stain to prove its usefulness but still gave her the look of the most perfect housewife.

“Yes? Can I help you?” The woman’s voice was cheery and warm, but almost unnaturally so. She wore a perfect smile showing off her perfect features.

“Um...” Ren began, unsure exactly what to say. “I think I might be at the wrong place. I was looking for my...that is to say, uh...is...” Ren wracked her brain to remember the name attached to the one she had come here for. “Does Joshua live here? Or is he in?” There was a note a desperation in her voice.

“I’m sorry, he’s away right now. Can I take a message, or is there anything I might help you with...” The beautiful woman (even as Ren was overwhelmed trying to come to grips with her situation, she couldn’t help but notice that she was beautiful) seemed as perplexed by Ren’s presence as Ren herself, though her winning smile remained, her eyes bright. She looked like she sincerely wanted to be helpful.

“D-Do you know when he might be...or...maybe I can come back later. I was supposed to...supposed to meet him? We had spoken about uh...well.” The only thing harder for Ren than organizing her jumble of thoughts and memories about what exactly she was doing here was trying to explain it to a stranger.

Fortunately at that moment, the woman’s eyes opened wide with a look of simultaneous surprise and a eureka of understanding. “Oh my god! You’re Ren! I’m so- I wasn’t expecting you yet! Come in, come in! Let me get your suitcase!” And just like that Ren was being ushered inside, her mysterious hostess taking her luggage from her.

“I’m sorry about the state of things. For some reason I thought you wouldn’t be here until this evening at the earliest. And I had wanted to have everything just so for you. Oh well. I need to get something out of the oven, but then I’m happy to show you around. Have a seat!”

If Ren had been dazed standing before the house, she was shell-shocked now. She had been sat down in a cozy breakfast nook in an expansive kitchen, watching the woman work. After a moment, the space was filled with the scent of fresh bread which was turned out onto a little wire rack. The smell made Ren nostalgic for something she wasn’t quite sure she had ever had. “That looks amazing,” was all she could offer.

“Oh, thank you. That is so sweet of you to say. Anyway, with that done, I’m happy to give you the tour.” The woman removed her apron revealing a low cut top. “Or maybe you’d like to sit for a moment?” She frowned, a look of concern on her face. “You must have been traveling all day. Can I get you a drink? A glass of water maybe? I guess this must be a bit much for you. I should probably just give you a second. I’m just so excited to finally meet you in person is all. And here I am not giving you a moment to get a word in edgewise.”

“I uh...” Ren tried to collect her thoughts. “I didn’t know you’d be here...? That is...I don’t think I remember Joshua mentioning. I’m not sure I remember us talking.” She resisted the urge to blurt out “Who are you?!”

The woman froze for a moment before her lips rounded into a coy smile. “Well, I guess I have you at a disadvantage then. I feel like I know so much about you already, I forget that we aren’t the best of friends yet. I’m Anne. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ren.”

“N-nice to meet you.” Ren mumbled. Another pause. “You...you know what I’m doing here? You know why...Joshua...you’re okay with me being here?”

Anne responded with a loud “Ha!” and an even bigger grin. She walked over to the nook. “Let me ask you this, Ren. Imagine that you were talking to...Joshua. Imagine he’s speaking to you right now. Think about how that makes you feel. Think about the frame of mind that puts you in.” She sat down across from the smaller woman, her eyes focused on her target making Ren feel somehow like prey.

“And Joshua tells you about something he would like. You have been chatting for a while and you know how good you feel when he speaks to you. When you can really focus on his words. And there is something that would make him very happy. And you know how much you love when he is happy. You know what his happiness means to you...”

“Yes...” Ren barely whispered. Her eyes were locked on Anne’s now, but they felt heavy. She really could imagine herself in the situation Anne described. His voice. His words. The way it all made her feel. The way it slowed her thoughts...Nothing felt better than his happiness...

“And then imagine there was something you could do to make him happy. Something you could do to please him. Something that your master desired. And all you had to do was obey. All you had to do was as he commanded you to do. And you know it would make him so happy. And you love making him happy.

“Love...” Ren moaned.

Anne’s gaze softened. She sat up straight, stretching a little before she stood again. “I am thrilled to have you here, Ren. What makes him happy makes me happy. Let me take your suitcase to the guest room. You can keep everything in there, and it has it’s own bathroom. I suspect Master will want you to share his bed for at least a few nights to start though. Let me show you the master bedroom.”

“But where will you...?” Ren began. Her thoughts had slowed to a near stop as she listened to the beautiful woman’s captivating narration, and as her thoughts began to turn again, she felt a stream of questions bubbling through her mind.

“We have a king size, my dear.” Anne had that devious smile on her face again. “There is plenty of room for the three of us. Unless you’d prefer to sleep at the foot of the bed. Like our pet. I seem to recall hearing you confess that might be a fantasy you would enjoy enacting. But then again, Joshua - it’s still so funny hearing that name coming from your mouth. It sounds as unfamiliar on your lips as it feels on mine. He had you so worked up at the time, your thoughts draining out between you legs and your words barely coherent between moans that I suspect you would have eagerly indulged any fantasy you were told to.” Anne winked coyly.

“You know about...I mean you heard...you’ve heard what we talk about?”

“My dear Ren, I’ve joined you on most of your calls. Most of the time I’m more lost in Master’s words than you are. But then again, I usually have his hands...or at least some part of him on me. But as I said, I have you at a disadvantage. I know so much about you after all. But Master will want you ready for this evening. You will need to know how to share his bed. And you have an eager teacher ready to instruct you in all the finer points.”

Anne had led Ren to the double doors of a large bedroom. She squared herself to face her and Ren mirrored the movement. Anne raised her arms and placed one hand firmly on each of Ren’s shoulders. “So you can look me right in the eye. Remember the power that eyes have. Remember how open you can feel when someone stares deep into you. Remember how completely you can surrender. And remember that it is time for you to obey.

Ren shuddered with pleasure as the trigger struck her. Once again her thoughts disappeared beneath the surface of her mind. All her focus was on Anne. All she needed to do was listen. All she needed to do was obey. She spoke slowly, almost robotically: “I...must...obey...my mistress.”

“That’s a good girl.” Anne brought a finger under Ren’s chin and gently pulled her toward the bed. “And after we have finished your lesson, I suspect we’ll still have time for a little extra training. We will both be too focused elsewhere tonight and I want to make sure you know how to share a bed with me as well.”

Ren’s conscious mind didn’t really register any of this. All she knew was that she would obey. “Yes Mistress,” she answered.

Anne pushed the enthralled girl gently onto the bed. “I’m so glad you are here, my dear. We are going to have such a wonderful time together.”

[sojourners-melancholy]

something i’ve noticed recently when watching rgu is that everyone has their own way of perpetuating the systems that hurts them, regardless of whether or not they hate the system itself. specifically wanna talk abt utena here.

throughout the show, the audience is constantly told that the student council’s main goal is to “break the world’s shell” in order to “revolutionize the world.” but what is that really? what is the system that prevents them from “truly being born?”

patriarchy. the answer is patriarchy, aka the world’s shell. and while it might’ve been needed in the past in order to survive, it’s not only not needed now, but will effectively be its end if the world chooses to remain the same.

so why the duels? why the fancy swords and the rose bride? why is all the fighting centered around themes and ideals of masculinity? simple. no one’s got it yet.

no one actually knows what touga means when he refers to the shell, touga doesn’t even really know what he’s saying himself. that’s why it’s so cryptic. of course, the student council definitely understands that there is a specific hurdle keeping them achieving self-actualization, but they don’t exactly know what that is. as a result, they end up aimlessly fighting duels with each other and trying to achieve that perfect ideal of masculinity instead. it’s a lot like how a lot of people (used to?) think that achieving the american dream was the way to escape the exhaustiveness and monotony of capitalism. or how red-pill right-wing podcasters think that becoming a billionaire is the way to “escape the matrix.” but it’s not. if anything, it’s just another way to perpetuate the system.

so where does utena factor into all this? lets go back the beginning.

utena was introduced as tomboyish girl; someone trying to chase the ideals of masculinity, not through achieving femininity, but through becoming a figure of masculinity, a “prince” if you will. so even though she’s not adhering to the expected gender norms per se, she is still trying to fit herself into the system of patriarchy via masculinity.

regardless of her feeling uncomfortable with the dueling/rose bride system, utena still participates in duels by using the sword of dios, the imagined ideal of masculinity, to fight and defeat her opponents in the duels. she still continues to perpetuate the system of patriarchy that she has seen anthy, nanami, wakaba, as well as all the members in the student council, get hurt by. ofc, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t fight back against the dueling/rose bride system; utena still actively tries to view anthy as a person and not just a trophy to be won, another cog in the system.

and ofc this is the same with everyone else as well. i just wanted to make a post specifically about utena bc as the protag, the audience expects her to be different, to have done no wrong (in a sense) because she is noticeably different and as a result is seen as the hero. but rgu isn’t a story about a do-gooder trying to defeat the forces of evil. it’s about someone being pushed to realize the horrors of living in such a pervasive and oppressive system. it’s about someone being trapped in a never ending cycle of hurt and pain that they feel like they have no choice but to perpetuate it in order to break out of it. it’s about realizing that no matter which ideal of gender you choose to abide by, you will eventually be harmed by it in the end.

and utena finally realizes this in the finale. after failing to match that ideal of masculinity that she’s chased for so long, after being backstabbed by the only other person who could’ve understood her struggles as her complete opposite (in regards to the system). she cannot fulfill the role of a prince. no one can.

because in truth, true masculinity—in regards to princehood—is dead. dead in the sense that it’s unattainable, that it is only a mere concept, that it isn’t needed anymore. there is nothing that exists to keep it alive. and in return, it will also bring death to everyone who chooses to abide by its principles.

[icedragonlizard]

Kirby AU talk: "Memories Still At A Halt"

Susie stumbles upon an active clockwork star that then invites her to make any wish that it'll be more than willing to grant.

This was by complete accident. She didn't at all plan on activating a clockwork star. She was just taking a vacation on Planet Popstar, and when she ended her vacation and flew across the cosmos on her way home to the Haltmann Work Company's headquarters, this clockwork star seemingly comes out of nowhere.

Susie would've never expected this to happen in a million years. She's completely astonished and bewildered by this occasion.

She didn't do anything to summon it. She didn't gather star power Milky Way Wishes style to activate it... she doesn't even know that's how to summon a clockwork star. It just miraculously appeared right in front of her. It was the absolute last thing that she was expecting.

READY. ->

I WILL GRANT YOU ONE WISH... ->

OK. -> 3... 2... 1... GO! ->

Susie is initially a bit reluctant, but she then decides to make a wish.

It was someone else that gathered the star power to activate that clockwork star. Susie is, technically, stealing someone's wish. This was obviously unplanned and not done out of any sort of malice, but she's technically stealing someone's wish LOL.

The person that summoned it is likely going to be fuming mad, but it's an unknown person that will pretty much never cross paths with Susie. What a big L for them.

At first, Susie is unsure what it is she wants to make a wish for. She still takes about a minute to fully fathom the situation at hand, as her bewilderment isn't very quick to fade.

But she eventually thinks it up. She's made the decision on what she wants her wish to be. She decides that it's at least worth a try.

"I wish for Max Profitt Haltmann to be brought back to life!"

There's a huge amount of nervousness behind her wish. Deep down, she fears that it may go horribly wrong, but she still takes up the chance to finally be potentially able to fix things with her father.

The clockwork star grants her wish. It revives Max Haltmann.

At first, he's comatose. Susie gently grabs him with her mech's arms, and then carries him with her as she makes her way back home.

When he finally wakes up after they get home, he...

.... He still doesn't recognize her as his daughter.

This is why she was nervous while making that wish.

And it still makes her feel incredibly disheartened.

It also appears that he had no ghost in the afterlife and merely popped back into existence in his perspective after the clockwork star brought him back. And the last thing he remembers is Susie having stolen the Star Dream helmet from him when he tried to use it.

This comes off to an absolutely horrible start. After Max Haltmann processes the fact that he was dead and was then brought back, he then snaps at Susie and calls her an "insolent traitor" for getting him killed in the first place. She immediately swears that she never intended to kill him and she was just trying to get him to come to his senses, because Star Dream caused him to go off the deep end.

But he doesn't listen. In fact, he doubles down on his anger towards her. He complains about the "lack of infinite prosperity" because Susie reworked the HWC's practices and policies, as the company is no longer mechanizing planets. He accuses her of being a complete embarrassment that "ruined everything" about the HWC and "turned it into a shell of its former self". He's extremely harsh and rude to her.

Susie doesn't take it sitting down, though. Previously, she'd capitulate and yield to his demands, but now it's different. She now refuses to yield to him when he makes his vehement exclamations. She stands her ground and fights back against every single smear he flings.

The HWC can't even mechanize planets without Star Dream's presence anyways. Susie rebuilt the HWC without it. And she's refused to build another machine like Star Dream to make that possible again because she didn't want to deal with the risks that it'd bring. Plus, she's now friends with Kirby and wants to stay on his good side.

Initially, despite having internal anger at how rude and grating his voice is during his exclamations, she tries to be as calm as possible when she makes her counterarguments. But she eventually loses her cool as he then says something that's especially vile and disgusting.

.... He straight up calls her a wild savage at one point.

That right there caused her to lash out and attack. Immediately after he called her that, she then punches him in the face. There was more than enough strength behind that punch to knock him onto the floor.

Susie asserts her power over him as she's the current CEO of the company, and she has absolutely no interest in giving that up. It's so much easier for her to fight back now as he's not in a position of power to mistreat her. And he can't take back the CEO position because every employee in the company thinks Susie is a much better boss than he ever was. He will need to bend to her now.

Fortunately, things get better after that atrocity of an introduction. Max Haltmann eventually gets some sense knocked into him as Susie is able to convince him that Star Dream was a bad influence and that the company is in a much better place with her practices instead of the ones that were in place from before. He apologizes for being so vile to her as he comes to accepts the HWC's new practices.

... But he's still entirely unable to recognize her as his daughter.

This continues to distress Susie on the inside. It reopens old wounds for her. But at least she doesn't have to steal a supercomputer for him to get him to look her way. At least it's easier to reign him in.

At one point, she tries to explain everything to him. About how he's supposed to be her father, that she was trapped in Another Dimension for a long time and eventually came back, and she deduces that Star Dream tampered with his memories somehow. That the machine somehow caused him to forget about her. She doesn't know that he was trying to use Star Dream to bring her back, however.

How does Max Haltmann react to the revelations? It's... sadly not what Susie was hoping for. He's initially in utter disbelief. Although he does slowly come to understand that it "might" be the truth, but he's still incredibly reluctant to treat her like his daughter because he still legitimately can't recall ever having a daughter at all to begin with.

It's clear that he still doesn't actively remember.

He does become a lot nicer to her after the revelation, but she's still unsatisfied. Especially when he's still not willing to accept hugs from her yet. He awkwardly pats her back to try to comfort her when he catches her being sad, but he clearly still doesn't act like her dad yet.

When Susie left Another Dimension, the first thing she wanted was to hug her dad. She still doesn't get that even now. It makes her feel heartbroken. And it also makes her feel awful for him as she's increasingly convinced that Star Dream stole his memories. Even as he gradually becomes nicer, he's still stubborn, easily confused, clumsy and easy to lose focus. It saddens her to see it.

She takes care of him. She's his caretaker. She gets her employees to work on necessary treatments for his health problems. With how much he's struggling, she's pretty much having to babysit him. Imagine a young woman babysitting her own father. That's lowkey what's happening here.

She puts a lot of time and effort in taking care of him.

But he just... seemingly doesn't reach the line. They're able to have a good relationship, but he's still unwilling every time she tries to lightly gesture for a hug. He seems to view her more as a friend much younger than him than as his daughter. That's... not what she wants.

Susie tries to keep it to a minimum around Max, but she's internally depressed over this. She finds herself weeping at times when she's alone, worrying he's never going to remember her as his daughter.

She vents this to her friends, mostly Taranza and the Mage Sisters. There are also Magolor, Marx and Kirby as friends for her to occasionally vent to, but it's mostly Taranza and the Mages that she talks to about this. Her father is back and alive again, and she's still having to get hugs from her friends because her senile father is still not willing to accept hugs from her. It makes her friends really sad, especially when they meet her dad in person and see it for themselves that he's still not acting like a real dad to her.

The Mage Sisters, alongside their patriarch Hyness, especially feel terrible at this. Even when Hyness was in his bad phase of madness, he never forgot his daughters entirely. It made him feel bad for Susie for still not being recognized by her dad, and it also made him feel bad for Haltmann as he agrees with Susie's claim that Star Dream wiped his memories, as he was able to deduce that's what happened.

Magolor and Marx were the first ones to see Haltmann brought back when they visited the HWC's headquarters not long after Susie brought him back. But they... didn't exactly have great introductions with him.

Most of Susie's friends try to comfort her and tell her that at least her dad is still alive again, and they're proud of her for at least being able to make amends with him at all even if he can't wholly remember. They all admit they can't be sure whether or not he'll ever come around to truly remember, but they tell her to not give up. She doesn't give up, although it's still internally hurting for her.

There are moments where it seems like he's so close to finally remembering, with the more recent kind-hearted interactions that the two have. But sadly, he just doesn't ever seem to get there. She is at least happy to see him being nice to her and that they're able to get along perfectly well, but it's just... not enough. She wants more.

It's probably greedy on her behalf, but he's supposed to be her father.

Is it possible him to ever remember her? He does come to "understand" that he "might" be, but he doesn't take it too seriously. At least for a long while. It still truthfully doesn't sit that right for him.

Will he ever remember?

-----

Thank you so much if you've taken the time to read the synopsis for this AU! This is yet another Kirby AU that I've had in my mind for a bit.

It's also funny because... don't I literally have another AU where Max Haltmann gets brought back? That I literally wrote into fanfiction? "Lost Miracles That Finally Become"? Indeed! But that one's completely different. In that one, Haltmann gets brought back alongside Sectonia, as they both come back in their right minds.

But in this AU, it's different. Haltmann is brought back not in his right mind. At the beginning, his mindset is exactly the same as he was at the time of his death in Planet Robobot, and while he does become nicer to Susie over time, he doesn't ever truly get to remember her as his daughter like she hoped, much to her grief and disheartenment.

I'd like to point out that I normally headcanon Haltmann having a ghost, despite seemingly having been erased from existence. I just like having that as a headcanon so he can feel grief and misery by watching over Susie without being able to interact with her. But this AU fully goes through with the "erased from existence" thing, as it mentions that he had no ghost and just popped back into existence after the clockwork star grants Susie's wish to bring him back to life.

Allow me to link another Kirby AU that I made a synopsis for; Dark Stormy Matters, a story where Kracko goes off the deep end and makes a wish to a clockwork star to revive Dark Matter and then fuses with it to cause wide-scale destruction. Unfortunately, it seems like that post is not viewable in its respective tags when clicking on them and looking at the recent ones! I don't understand that at all. That's partially why I'm linking it here so it hopefully gets seen more.

But anyways... thank you for reading! See you all later.

[sylkiddsey]

Prompt: “I’m not leaving. Ever.”

She’s had so many guns on her in her career. It’s become the normal on the job, but it’s never gone further than a threat. Sure, they’ve been pressed against her head, waved in her face or even gone off near her, but she’s never been shot.

She has always made it out of the situation mostly unscathed with nothing but some more trauma and a few scratches or bruises, but after nearly a decade, her luck has run out.

She always thought it would happen on shift, surrounded by well-trained medical professionals, but it doesn’t.

She’s working a paramedicine shift with Mouch when she’s shot.

It was supposed to be a wellness check. One of their frequent patients hadn’t checked in like they usually did. She’s an older woman with diabetes and a stubborn attitude, but she had always been a consistent caller.

When she hadn’t in days, Sylvie got a little worried. She was afraid Miss Maybelline had some sort of health scare, so she and Mouch showed up.

Sylvie’s biggest worry was that the old woman was dead in her home. The last thing she expected was to come face to face with a gunman upstairs who was clearly robbing the place.

He had pointed the gun and fired before she could even de-escalate the situation. She fell to the egg-shell blue carpet with a thud and then the man ran out.

Now, she knows what it actually feels like to have a bullet lodge itself deep in her abdomen. She’s treated so many of these wounds, listened as her patients screamed and felt deep dark blood seep through her fingers.

It’s the first time that it is her own dark red blood spreading across her white button up and into the carpet.

It hurts. The pain stings and she has newfound respect for the people she’s treated because this sensation is unlike anything she could imagine.

She stares at the popcorn ceiling above, trying to train her breathing to slow. She’s gasping a little and it takes her a second to realize the guy shot her right below the lung.

The wound looks deep, her once white shirt red and it’s lodged in an area that makes it harder to breathe.

She hears heavy footsteps up the stairs and harsh breathing. Mouch is next to her in record time for not being as spry as he was.

“Sylvie, oh my god!” He shouts, moving to grab some towels to hold pressure. It’s what she would do if she wasn’t the one bleeding.

She always thought this was a possibility; getting shot. Her job is risky, and she’s seen too many situations go wrong to not consider it could happen. She’s even thought about it, but she always thought Matt would be there.

He’d be on shift, maybe on the scene and ready to deal with the aftermath. It had been him in the Arnow fire. He had gone straight to her and kept his hand firmly on her shoulder then back. He had been there after the ambulance crash, literally the first face she saw so she always thought he’d be here.

She wishes he was here.

Mouch gets off the phone and she belatedly realizes he called an ambulance. His hand moves consolingly against her head.

She’s glad he’s here though.

“Hang on kiddo. An ambo is on its way. Only a couple minutes out,” he soothes.

She wonders if she’ll know the paramedic.

The pain starts escalating, but she assumes that’s just the shock wearing off. Her adrenaline is gone, and her body is left to feel every drop of blood leave.

“Mmm,” she murmurs, wincing when Mouch holds more pressure. She needs to talk. She would tell her patient to stay calm and alert. “M…Matt.”

She wants him. She wishes he could just appear and hold her hand. She needs her fiancé more than ever right now and he’s not here.

A tear slips down her cheek because God, why can’t he be here right now?

Mouch nods, looking more stressed than she thinks she’s ever seen him. Huh, that can’t be that good. Maybe he’s just having some PTSD from when he was shot a few months ago?

“Don’t worry. I’ll call him soon,” he promises. “Just stay awake, Brett.”

She’s tired now. She’s even more tired than she is on the nights when Julia doesn’t get an hour of sleep.

Oh god. Julia. She has a daughter now.

Sylvie feels the wound with her finger, moving it under the towel and testing her paramedic abilities blind. She doesn’t feel the metal bullet which means it’s pretty deep inside. She’s steadily bleeding, but she’s confident it didn’t hit a major organ. Although, it might’ve nicked the lung based on how difficult it is to take a ful breath.

She’ll probably need surgery. Marcel will have to remove the bullet in an OR and maybe fix any internal bleeding or damage. Worst case scenario, her lung could collapse, and she’d need a chest tube.

The recovery time will be brutal. How is she going to carry Julia around or hop up for late night feedings? What about the wedding? They’re getting married in a little more than two months. Will she be up and walking by then?

She’s so caught up in all the possibilities that she completely misses the sirens in the distance or the ambulance’s screechy brakes. Next thing she knows, two unrecognizable paramedics are at her side, barking orders and discussing things she understands a little too well.

Mouch’s rough hand slips out of her grasp and the room tilts a little. He’s standing by her head, phone pressed to his ear as he stares at her worriedly.

“They’re loading her up in an ambulance now. Meet us at Med,” Mouch explains. “I know. Yeah. I got her, alright? You just meet us there, Casey.”

Matt. He’s on his way.

Sylvie’s whole world moves once again as she’s loaded onto a backboard. She feels nauseous and dizzy, but she’s still experiencing every stabbing, aching and burning sensation in her abdomen.

Time is a funny thing when you’re shot. One minute she’s looking at the framed family photos on the wall as they descend down the staircase, wondering where Miss Maybelline is and the next, she’s wincing at how freaking bright the ambulance lights are.

She makes a mental note to talk to headquarters about investing in dimmer lights because is this really what her patients have to deal with?

“How you doin, Hun?” Mouch asks, smoothing down her sweaty hair. He’s always been like a father to her and if she can’t have Matt by her side, Mouch is a great alternative.

She’s in so much pain and she’s very, very tired. She wants to close her eyes and just wake up in a warm hospital room with Matt at her bedside, but she knows how important it is to stay conscious as long as possible.

She fights the sleepiness, whimpering as the unfamiliar PIC (she assumes he’s the PIC since he seems pushier than his partner) packs her wound with gauze.

At some point, someone has unbuttoned her shirt so she’s just in her bra and blue slacks.

“Been better,” she murmurs, answering Mouch’s question later than she intended. Her brain is having a hard time processing anything at the moment.

“Yeah. It’s no fun, huh?” He teases, trying to break the tension with levity.

The whole ambulance is tense which tells her a lot. She knows what that means. Her condition is serious.

Right. Mouch had been shot almost six months ago. He had been the one that gave everyone quite the scare. If she wasn’t so weak, she’d make a joke about how 51 attracts bullets.

“Brett, how you doin?” The PIC asks. He looks younger than her with a head of curly blonde hair and a real surfer dude look to him. He clearly knows who she is.

“Alive,” she whispers, wheezing a little after each word. Yeah, something is definitely wrong with her lung. “Keep me that way.”

Mouch and surfer dude PIC share an intense look. She knows that one too.

God, she just wants Matt. Maybe if she closes her eyes now, it’ll make time pass and he’ll be here?

She allows them to flutter shut, listening as Mouch tries to keep her alert and the PIC tells the driver to speed up because they are losing her.

She wonders how many times she’s said those words thinking her patient couldn’t hear when they actually could.

It’s not comforting, and she makes another mental note to avoid that phrase in the future while on a call.

She’s drifting closer and closer to complete darkness when everything jolts. She hears distinct brakes, opening doors, squeaky wheels and frantic footsteps.

When she opens them again, she’s being wheeled into Med. Black scrubs are at her side in an instant, probably belonging to Marcel. Mouch is somewhere behind her head because she can still hear his ragged breathing.

Her breathing is quickening too, and she feels like the air is thinning.

“Sylvie!”

She hears Matt’s voice a half a second before his hand latches around hers. He must’ve either beat them here or just arrived because his timing is impeccable.

His blue eyes are wide like they were when she stumbled out of the ambulance a few years ago.

“Oh god,” he mutters, eyes landing on her bloody naked torso. She swears he goes a little pale or maybe it’s just her vision.

Seeing his face is the thing that breaks her composure. She’s been pretty calm for having a bullet inside her, but now that he’s right by her side with a tight grip on her hand and the other on her head, the damn breaks.

Tears flow down her face, pooling in her ears and all she wants is him not to go, but she knows he will once they finish wheeling her into an exam room.

“Matt,” she murmurs, but it’s muffled by the pesky oxygen mask. She wants to take it off and kiss him, but she knows he won’t let her.

They by-pass the exam curtains and the nurse pushing the gurney who took over for the PIC directs her towards the bank of elevators.

Matt asks the question she’s thinking, looking to the doctor. “What are you doing?”

“Taking her straight to the OR,” Marcel hurriedly says, smacking an elevator button over and over. “She has a ticking time bomb in her lung. It collapses, we are in trouble.”

Geez, he doesn’t believe in sugar coating anything, she thinks.

“I’m coming with you,” Matt says, using the Captain voice she’s so obsessed with. Gallo would absolutely start shaking in his turnout pants right now.

“You can come as far as the OR doors, but then you have to stay put,” Marcel replies.

She really doesn’t want to let go of his hand. She’s scared which is the first time she’s acknowledged that feeling. She always tries to remain strong, but she’s terrified.

She’s shoved in a confined elevator. One of the nurses hits the fourth-floor button, and Matt edges closer, running his fingers through her hair.

“Hey, I’m right here. You’re going to be fine,” he promises which eases her nervousness just a little. She knows he can’t know that, but just hearing his words help. “You’re doing so good, baby. Stay with me.”

She briefly wonders where he was when Mouch called. He’s in her favorite red t-shirt of his and jeans so she imagines he might’ve been home with Julia or possibly at a construction job. She can’t remember what he told her over breakfast when she thought it was just a normal day.

Who is with their daughter?

The elevator doors slide open and once again, she’s jolted and sped down a hallway. She can see the big swinging doors which represent the spot she knows she has to let go.

Marcel stops first, informing them he’s going to scrub in and then the nurses will wheel her back.

It gives her a little more time with Matt before he has to leave.

“I love you,” he says, eyes glistening with tears, and she really feels bad for doing this to him. He lost a fiancé already and they’ve had that conversation before. “I love you so much and I’ll be waiting right here for you, okay? I’ll be right by your side when you wake up.”

She nods, struggling more and more to breathe, but she ignores it so she can memorize every detail on his very handsome face in case it’s the last time.

She hopes it’s not the last time.

“We have to take her,” the female nurse informs Matt, holding a hand against his shoulder.

What if that nurse makes a move on her fiancé if she dies?

Matt nods and leans down and kisses her forehead and cheek. “I’ll be with you before you know it.”

She nods slowly, head bobbing against the gurney.

She doesn’t know if she blacks out before or after she’s whisked through the doors. All she knows is his face is the last thing she really remembers before she couldn’t breathe and then everything went dark.

:::

The first thing she clocks when she comes to is that she’s not intubated. It’s a really good sign. Her throat, however, does feel scratchy and dry.

She can tell she’s pumped full of meds because she can barely feel any pain and if anything, she’s more nauseous than achy.

She’s so accustomed to hospital sounds. She’s always here, transporting patients, but it’s never her in the hospital bed. She listens to her own steady heart monitor and zipping curtains.

She has no idea what happened after they got to the OR. How long has she been out? How bad was the damage?

“Sylvie?”

She must’ve twitched or made some sort of sound because Matt’s grip tightens around her hand.

She forces her eyes open, blinking a couple times to adjust to how freaking bright they keep hospital rooms.

“Hey, there’s my girl,” Matt greets.

He’s still in the same clothes from before although now they are a little disheveled. His hair is a little messier and he looks older. It’s funny, she knows they have an age gap between them, but she never really notices it. He looks way to attractive all the time to remember he’s in his forties.

Everything feels floaty and unreal. She lays her palm against his cheek, his hand instantly covering hers.

Just the feeling of his lips against her wrist sharpens her surroundings. She smiles. “You’re real.”

“Of course, I’m real,” he replies. “Where else would I be?”

He has a point. She knows he’d never leave her side and probably didn’t all night. Depending on how long she’s been out, he might have slept here.

Matt brushes some hair away from her face. “How are you feeling?”

She’s really not feeling much. The hospital standard pains meds work wonders. She wants to personally thank the creator of these magical drugs.

“Like I got shot,” she teases, but the joke absolutely doesn’t land. Matt doesn’t even crack a smile. If anything, he looks completely drained.

She brushes her thumb against his cheek. “What happened after the OR? The last thing I remember is you being there and then…”

She’s missing a huge section of time she can’t remember. Somehow, it feels like she’s only been out five seconds and also five years.

She’s very drugged.

“Your lung collapsed. You stopped breathing before they took you in. The uh…” he clears his throat. “The nurses had to bring you back in the hall and then they took you to surgery.”

Geez, that never crossed her mind when she thought about worst case scenarios.

“My heart stopped?” She asks. “For how long?”

She feels okay. She imagines if she was without oxygen for a while she would know, but her brain is working, albeit a little slowly.

His hand falls, linking their fingers together against the bed. “It felt like forever, but it was probably only a minute or two.”

No wonder he looks so devastated. She must’ve absolutely terrified him. She knows if the roles were reversed, they’d have to restart her heart too.

He adverts his gaze to their joined hands, tracing patterns on her skin. “Anyway, they took you to surgery and were able to remove the bullet.”

Well, that’s a relief. She doesn’t think it would be a good thing if they kept it inside.

“And my lung? I mean, I’m drugged, but breathing is a little harder,” she admits.

Matt meets her stare. “Your lung took a good hit, but Marcel doesn’t seem to think there should be long term damage. They put you on a ventilator for a while to give it time to heal.”

That explains her sore throat. She had a breathing tube in for at least a little bit which brings up a whole new question.

“How long have I been out?” She shifts in the bed and strains her incision. She exhales a sharp breath, and then breathes through the pain.

Her fiancé slides closer, smoothing her hair. “Almost forty-eight hours which is exactly why you need to take things slow. You’ve been through a lot.”

God, that’s so much time. That’s time she could’ve been wrapped up in his arms on the couch or rocking Julia to sleep.

Julia.

She startles a little, mom mode kicking up in full gear. “Julia? Who has her?”

“She’s fine, baby. Cindy has her so she’s probably having a blast with all the Hermann’s. She’s okay,” he assures.

She feels guilty. Their daughter should be with them, but she had to get shot. She’s the reason Julia isn’t with her or Matt right now.

“You should go be with her,” she suggests. “She probably wants her daddy.”

“There’s no way in hell I’m leaving you right now,” he argues, which she anticipated. Yes, Matt loves their daughter more than anything, but he’d never leave her side. “Sylvie, you…God, you scared the hell out of me. I mean, when Mouch called, I was worried but when I saw you…”

She knows and again, she feels incredibly guilty. She never wanted to worry him like this, but she also can’t help that some man shot her.

“I’m sorry,” she apologizes, beckoning him closer so she can give him a kiss. “I’m okay.”

He finally grins a little in response. “That makes one of us.” He grazes the back of his fingers against her cheek. “You can’t do this to me again, okay? No more getting shot.”

She’s not sure that’s a promise either of them can really make, but if it makes him feel better, she’ll comply. “Okay, I’ll try my very best, Matt.”

“Somehow that doesn’t comfort me much,” he replies.

“Now you know how I feel,” she chuckles. “I’ve had to watch you run into fires, dangle from aerials and swing off freaking roofs. It’s no fun.”

“Yeah, but at least I never coded right in front of you. Yes, I’m reckless at times, but my scares have never landed me here.”

That’s not entirely fair. He’s gotten very hurt in the past before they fell in love, before they even met. She’s witnessed a lot of close calls, but she understands she freaked him out.

She’s also really relieved that if one of them ever had to take a bullet, it was her. Yeah, the physical pain hurts like a bitch, but it’s nothing compared to the emotional pain Matt could put her through.

She physically can’t take the thought of something terrible happening to him.

“The TBI begs to differ,” she murmurs, squeezing his hand.

“Yeah, and I’d rather take a beam to the skull than relive the last two days,” he retorts.

“Don’t even think about seeking out falling beams, baby. I need my future husband alive and with as many brain cells as possible.”

He smirks a little. “I need my future wife alive without a bullet hole in her lung. I need her to rest and let her body heal because I’m not doing this again.”

She nods. Of course, she hates the thought of not working, but truthfully, she wants time with Matt, Julia and the boys.

“I thought I was going to lose you,” Matt admits, quietly.

She shakes her head. “Never. I’m not leaving you. Ever.”

She almost died.

Wait.

“Miss Maybelline? Is she alive? Did that guy shoot her too?”

He shakes his head. “No. She’s perfectly fine. Turns out that your patient was on vacation. The police think the shooter knew that which was why he was robbing it.”

That’s a relief. At least she’s alive and well. She hopes he couldn’t steal anything too valuable.

…she’ll also have to replace the carpet.

“They caught the guy?”

His sweet loving gaze instantly hardens, and she can see the anger written all over his face. “Yeah. A patrol cop stopped him from trying to rob another house. That son-of-a-bitch is locked in jail where he’s going to stay the rest of his pathetic life.”

It’s not like she wants to stick up for her shooter, but it’s hard to hate someone she barely remembers. The shooting is pretty much a blur.

“Matt,” she gently scolds.

“No. This isn’t one of those situations where you can tell me to see the good in this guy. He shot you like it was nothing and left you there. He…he almost killed you. Jesus, if Mouch hadn’t been there, you might have…”

She would’ve bled out in that house. Mouch’s quick thinking kept her alive long enough for the ambulance to get there. If she had taken the shift alone, she would’ve died.

They both know that.

“I’m not taking pity on him. I can’t,” he expresses.

“Okay, okay. I know. I’m not either. He…he almost took me away from you,” she whispers, voice breaking.

God, she doesn’t want to cry. It’ll hurt like hell because of the stitches and general soreness.

Her fiancé doesn’t let her finish the sentence. He kisses her quickly. “We’re not going there. You’re alive and with me. That’s all I care about.”

It’s all she cares about too. She nods and reaches to fix his hair which is when she sees her bare finger.

Her ring.

She gasps loudly.

Matt’s eyes widen and he checks her monitor. “What? What’s wrong?”

The shooting is pretty much a blur. Did the robber take her ring off her hand? Could he have pocketed it?

Her fiancé is clearly panicked. “Are you in pain? Having trouble breathing? Talk to me.”

“My ring,” she whispers. “Did…did he take my ring?”

His shoulders visibly relax. “Jesus Sylvie, you can’t do that to me.”

I’m hindsight, it might’ve been a little over dramatic, but she loves her ring. She can’t imagine losing the symbol of Matt’s love. She doesn’t want a different ring. She wants the one he proposed with.

He reaches into his pocket and reveals the diamond in his hand. “They had to take it off for surgery. I knew you’d want it safe, so I held onto it.”

Thank God.

She wiggles her finger. “Will you put it back on?”

He nods, slips it on the right finger and kisses her knuckles. “There. Right back where it belongs.”

It does belong there.