#SHE WASNT MISERABLE
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Hey Dandadan?
Fuck you
#THIS FUCKING EPISODE HAS ME FUCKED UP#WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT#THAT WAS NOT FUCKING NECESSARY#SOMEONE GIVE THIS WOMAN HER FUCKING DAUGHTER BACK#WHAT THE HELL#FUCK EPISODE 7#SHE WASNT MISERABLE#SHE WAS A HAPPY GIRL#YOU WERE A GREAT MOM#YOU ARE A GREAT MOM#THIS EPISODE AINT HELPING MY MOMMY ISSUES#dandadan
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why are they so hard to draw
#i started sketching this instead of sleeping so im miserable at work today 👍#im a professional adult#ahsoka in particular is so difficult#the pain she is giving me...#i dont have a good reference of the angle so its killing me#will redo her face for the 4th time when i get home🫡#might have to fall back on the art class method of posing for my own reference photos.. which will haunt me#literally the biggest thing thats stopped me from drawing for 4 years was having to show those pics and drawings in front of class#i wasnt even an art major/minor i shouldnt have to suffer like that 😭#i type into my silly little keyboard everyday making silly little software all day#anyhoo here is a preview of some girls being girls#this is just the super sketchy phase so hopefully it looks better on another pass#im mostly posting this now so i force myself to finish it 🫡#私の#barrissoka#ahsoka tano#barriss offee#my wips#star wars
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Okay what if the winners got to meet previous versions of themselves through the life games.
Like grian meets no one. He didn't have any previous "versions".
Scott meets 3rd life Scott.
Pearl meets 3rd life and last life pearl.
Martyn meets 3rd life, last life and double life Martyn.
Scar meets 3rd life, last life, double life and lim life him-
This whole thing was an idea that I got just because I was thinking about ll and sl scar because they were both so lonely like wtf and I just though about a scene that would be so. Grips chair.
Ll: "We won?"
Sl: "Yeah"
Ll: "Did we have allies? Friends?"
Ll scar probably thinks sl scar won only because he had allies to support him. He knows what its like being lonely and he hopes no one has to go through that loneliness. And he wants to be optimistic for once that sl scar, future him, gets allies, gets friends.
He tries to hope and then he sees the look on sl scars face. Or maybe sl scar tries to lie- maybe he tries to say they had allies.
Ll scar sees right through him. He's him after all. Maybe he's always gonna he lonely anyway
#im being insane give me a momebt#also i forgot pearl wasnt jn 3rd life but its okay. she was in 3rd life to me <3#ALSO? THE POTENTIAL OF 3RDLIFE SCAR? AND DOUBLE LIKE AND LIM LIFE SCAR?#3rd life scar is optimistic. he thinks its okay! grian is his ally in the fjture too right? he wins with grian?#no other scar wants to look him in the eye becayse they all remember the allyship they had with grian thay crumbled in ll#and that got completely destroyed in double life.#double life scar doesnt want to tell 3rd life scar and tell him grian doesnt care. he cant do that to himself.#tell his younger and more optimistic self that grian doesnt want them as his soulmates... that he would rather sneak off with skmeone else..#and lim life scar. he was excited for the future because he did have friends! he had allies jn lim life- but seeing sl scar?#seeing how they just go back to being alone again?#its soul crushing.#(inserting my aroace angst here: is he really that unlovable? is his lack of romantic love so unappealing?#does no one want him? does no one but himself love him?#does he himself even love him? can he? seeing how miserable they all are it feels hard and lonely#lim life scar probably wants to comfort them all- but isnt it sad that the only person to comfort him would be himself?#) okay im done being insane goodbye-#stiff talk#gtws
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every day i struggle to make choices
#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind#mostly because options suck#i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician#cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert#i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually#working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term#surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time#which is what limits most of my choices#i need to find more paid training programs i guess#if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself#but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late#i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly#acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying#it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics#but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever#i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training#because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for#and again#a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing#if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it#thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different#id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people#im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port#they were able to run like seven tests off of it#i had to use a couple ped tubes#she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier#labs are so miserable#checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world
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fuck every other 5star prediction i need saya vs syuri in the semifinals to get footage for an olivia rodrigo obsessed amv
#o#saya going full pop punk hot topic in the wake of utami leaving her and destroying the legacy of one of the longest running factions in#stardom because she wasnt good enough or smart enough to hold it down.#DELICIOUS.#fascinated by her. failgirl of all time#need her to get fullyyyyy fully psychosexual crazy in a big match against syuri#trying to figure out why she wasnt good enough for utami to stay. why utami was never as happy with saya as she was in that angle with syur#whether or not she can taste utami off syuri's mouth if she can just get one good hit in. -_- anyway#and obviously with syuri on the warpath against hate now she'll be looking for saya's blood too#i know shes been asleep on my side in your bed and i can feel it im starin at her like i wanna get hurt. hello. can anyone hear me.#i want saya to get weirder with momo too........#utami off in another company having a queen of queens match with io shirai#and neither saya nor momo's names even get mentioned in that conversation of who was the best#i need saya and momo as shitty evil rebounds and theyre both miserable the entire time taking it out on each other pretending they wanted#this and they havent ruined their lives/careers because they were too scared to really try#soundtracked by olivia rodrigo bad idea right. obviously.#omedia#owrestling
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ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode
#crow.txt#the absolute levels of stress im under could create diamonds out of free floating carbon atoms my fucking god#can i have. Literally just one day of peace. just one!! fuck!!!!#at least now i have SOME validation from everyone else of shit that mom has honestly kinda always done#be absolutely furious and bitchy usually for no good goddamn reason and then immediately turn it off to look good in front of someone else#i had a feeling mom coming home was gonna be utterly miserable sooner rather than later#i literally cannot leave my room without her yelling for dad bc she thinks im him i guess. she has gotten him up like 4 times now#what the fuck do you want any of us to doooooooooooo. according to dad shes also just been really fucking hateful today#including to her SISTER who has been facilitating literally everything medically for her for the last month plus#like on one hand i know its hard and frustrating etc etc absolutely. on the other. what the fuck are you yelling at any of us for!#whatd we do! not a damn thing for the most part! holy shit im exhausted#and then im sure she will have the audacity to wonder why i dont really want to interact with her much rn#its very apparent she doesnt really understand whats going on or how much of anything works at this point including hospice care#but i truly cannot help you when your knee jerk response is to yell and be abusive. like. dads not been great either#bc hes also one to bitch and moan and yell abt shit. but like. so is mom. more than usual#and ill actually be damned if i let her treat me like that honestly ever again. like idk for once i can just#walk away from this behavior with zero consequences. i dont have to take it anymore. im not free but at least im fuckin closer than i was#guess my aunt wasnt kidding when she said her being coherent and rational last week might be the calm before the storm
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y'all really have an issue whenever feyre says or does ANYTHING my god.... get over yourselves
#'shes selfish!' 'she destroyed spring because of petty reasons!' 'she didnt want to picture elucien having sex so she hates lucien and#thinks elain is a baby and/or a whore!'#are yall fr?? are you REALLY telling me that every single one of you wouldnt cringe thinking of your siblings having sex with ANYONE?#and SELFISH? THEE feyre archeron?? someone who hunted and sacrificed for a family that didnt appreciate her??? ok#also she quite literally reflected on what she did in spring (which wasnt all her fault anyway be so fr) and regretted it#at this point yall are just LOOKING for reasons to be pissed off... you all sound miserable#im pro feyre before im anything else so block me if this bothers you <3#tp
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I feel people forget rodyas not necessarily blood thirsty or a unique evil. If you so much as changed one little thing this would either have never happened or he'd give up. I think so much as a hug would prevented this. Im so serious.
#floyd.txt#its late i cant think of better terms but yknow#i dont think he feels guilt for the pawnbroker but i believe he feels guilt for lizvaeta i really do#but weve seen his moments of selflessness hes not entirely selfish. that wasnt his plan and she didnt deserve that#i dont get the take of he feels no renorse for either. simply not true. but some people believe hes entirely#cold and unfeeling. no. he is merely human!!!! under miserable conditions.#i dont know i love to think about it. the little things. if one little thing was different in any aspect#so much as not going to that bar when the pawnbroker was being discussed or razumikhin told him his plan earlier. etc#though those arent Very Little id say but i mean. gyah#i do love thinking on what all changes when you alter one single thing though. very very cool#isolation itself can do so much to the brain. if hes already with these theories ontop of his field of study yeah#i can see how he got here
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sometimes..so.etimes they change something even after the premiere. sp you appear and watch an entirely new and prolonged monologue. and it's like. FUCK YEAH.
#me showing up at the theatre: be normal be normal be normal be normal be no#me realising they added some things and it adds a lot of characerisation: BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL!!!!!#(misson failed but at least i was Quiet lmao)#the fun thing about seeing this several times tho is that by now ive stopped trying to figure out the plot#bc i Know the plot by now and i can speak along to a decent portion of lines#so now i focus not on what they mean but what exactly they say in any moment#i notice all the small irrelevant lines that still add so much to the characters voices and dynamics#its sooooo fun#and sometimes its also just really funny#'hell do good' 'didnt you just talk to him? the fuck he will. that man cant even pretend to have any self control'#i mean she was RIGHT#my man is out here being such a miserable little fuck being dramatic about his problems#if he could get a grip on himself for like five minutes everyone could have lived! idiot <3#AND THE OTHER GUY#if you had just KEPT AWAY instead of Walking Up To Your Murderer and distracred them for like. a few minutes longer IT WOULD ZAVE WORKED#like yeah youd still be dead BUT THAT WAS THE POINT WASNT IT#LIKE THIS YOU JUST DIED FOE NOTHING#YOUE BUDDY DIES TOO BC YOU GOT YOURSELF MURDERED TOO SOON. idiot#ill be honest. if they had kissed (and if youd seen rhe way they LOOK at each other) things might have actually gone well#im convinced of this#i have Textual Evidence#anyway. i should read the og play and find out if its the play or just the actors#like do the characters actually constantly refer to each other as 'my [name/title]' or did the theatre make it even gayer themselves#ik the actors are doing it on purpose anyway. that is Not coincidence#a biscuit's rambles
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#i knew the vibes were going to plummet as soon as we left the restaurant#ny dad actually isnt in a bad mood about it#he didn't like the loud music but hes not mad about it#but my mom is like 'i picked a bad place i shouldn't have picked that one i didnt even know they had music#and they just HAD to sit us at the loudest table 🙄'#well yeah. it was the only one open when we got there#and she kinda complained about her food and the waitress 😵💫#she said she was stressed the whole time bc she knew my dad was stressed#well. the difference between them is my dad was stressed about the loud music#but once we left the place with the loud music. he wasn't stressed anymore#my mom was stressed. so she will find every single thing she can to contribute to her stress. and it will remain. for hours#in fact. probably years from now. we will be like remember that nice trip in September 2024 :) and she will be like#'oh yeah the one with the awful restaurant that i picked out that everyone was miserable about'#(she was the most miserable bc she stressed herself out)#and its just.......... :/ im sorry my dad was uncomfortable with the noise. and that my mom didn't have a good time#but. i cannot remember the last time a restaurant caused LESS anxiety actually.#and on a different vacation earlier this year we went to a restaurant that Everyone else wanted to go to#and it was quite literally one of the most miserable experiences of my life#it was SO loud. the dining room was so small and cramped and it was so crowded and everyone was YELLING#i kept headphones in the whole time and sat with my head down and could barely even eat anything#it was like. an hour+ long panic attack. i wanted to cry the whole time#but when that happened. my moms dinner wasnt ruined bc she felt bad i was stressed#so . 😐 im just saying
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hm. thinkin about which cosplays i could bring to mcm october
Maggie (good omens) yellow cardigan, with upgrades
Flora Reinhold (Professor Layton) with upgrades
Nona (Oxenfree)
Anne Bonny (OFMD)
Sherrif Ginny (mysims kingdom) if i finish it
i dont think i have time to make toph (i havent started) and i did consider Janet (the good place) too, but again, not started.
most of these are more casual costumes, but anne is kind of uncomfortable and theres some bits im not super happy with, and honestly, flora was a bigger hit than anne... so. but i feel weird about going to a Big Con and not bringing a costume thats a showpiece, you know? half of these are just bough/modified costumes & i feel like its not representative of who i am as a cosplayet/crafter... but also theyre more comfy. i havent made most of my planned big builds. idk
#sorry that got a lil miserable to the end its fineeeeeee#this wasnt supposed to turn that way#idk im just. thinking about what im bringing so i can figure out what i need to do to get them ready#theres also recognisability. flora was a suprise hit but i dont think many people will know nona. or ginny#but nonas spooky n its a Halloween con so#i guess i could also do Halloween meru i think i have all the stuff#nyxtalks#i think im def bringing flora. she was fun + comfy + popular and i think its gonna be a good 'try & make a good wig' task
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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atkh soon come??
Ahhh thank you for sending me this ask I was low key kind of thinking maybe no one would notice if the update was suuupppper late (and by that I mean hopefully tomorrow).
The original plan had been to finish up the chapter yesterday. BUT THEN I managed to give myself a mild case of heatstroke / sun poisoning at the barn yesterday (yay summer) and basically spent most of the day laying on my cold tile floor with my work laptop wishing I was anywhere else. I went to bed at 6:30pm that's how bad it was. And then so today I was playing catch up on all the work stuff I didn't really do yesterday because I was laying on the cold floor wishing I had remembered to drink Gatorade. Which means I have not even looked at the chapter since earlier in the week and it is in fact not finished 😞 BUT I'm actually finally starting to actually feel better (yay!) and the plan is to finish it tomorrow - hopefully before the Oilers / Panthers game. I'm so sorry for the delay, and thank you so much for checking in about the update. I'm so grateful that you're enjoying ATKH and hope you continue to do so. I hope your Friday is going better than mine and that you have a wonderful weekend!!
❤️Ally
#allylikethecat#ask ally#anon ask#keep it kind#fanfiction#matty fic#gatty#fanfic#all the king's horses#equestrian au#atkh#im so sorry for the delay#i should have posted something#but if im being perfectly honest my head has still been a little foggy#it went from like regular wow its hot#to record breaking hot#really really fast and i did not prepare or adjust properly#it wasnt just me though one of my barn besties also got really fucked up by the heat yesterday#she was texting me this morning and was like “i am unwell” and i was like same#Pop is fine though he is living his absolute best life#he has his own personal fan and a mister and is now only getting turned out at night#and the grooms pull him out and hose him off with cold water twice a day#and he gets plenty of electrolytes and he's a good drinker#idk how my trainer manages but their autowaterers are still cold in the summer#lol sometimes on the really hot days they'll freeze gatorade in like donut pans or bundt pans#and hang it for them to lick#he loves when he gets to have a pony popsicle#i was so unwell yesterday though omg#it was bad#i cant remember the last time i felt so miserable
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i love the bias + the fan pairings so much because on the surface its very "oh, well, the bias just has to fall for the fan and then its happily ever after" but no! its way more fun than that!
the fan isnt in love with the bias. in fact, the fan doesnt view this world as reality, nor do they even view their bias as a human. the fun part of this pairing is the fan having to recognize the world they live in as their new reality and the people around them as people! the bias falling for the fan is just part one, the fan falling for the bias as an Actual Human Being is just as important an element
#wwaffles bein' an idiot#wwaffles reads stuff#keeps it gender neutral even though i've only seen f!fan/m!bias#miss not-so-sidekick did this pretty well although she did a 'oh this is reality' speedrun#if this one goes well i'd put it up on the same shelf its pretty good so far#we're like 30+ chapters in and she's still referring to him as her favorite character. fantastic#there was another one i was reading that i can't recall the name of (long title i think) that i havent read the end of yet#but it had a similar premise just not done as well#or that is to say. it seemed to skip the 'this is reality now' realization#but the problem with that is HES searching for someone who loves him. and SHE loves him as a fictional character#so hopefully they do address that at some point because that could only go well#anyway back to the actual topic#its actually very similar because cael wants someone who loves him for him#and she just wants him to be happy and to shove all her affection on him because shes his fan#she doesnt even factor herself into the equation of his happiness because he's not real and she is#she's still lowkey thinking she's gonna go home eventually (maybe?? unclear)#anyway i just love this particular subgenre its so good#also what happened to her depression. i mean having a bias is just like that but she wasnt doing so hot either#i wonder if there'll be a antagonists pet reveal where she's actually miserable#and a big part of 'i'll devote my life to my bias!' is that she literally has nothing else to live for
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i know that i spend a lot of time on my phone/on social media but i honestly think boomers are way worse
#like i live with a boomer#and she cant exist without facebook vids playing at full volume#i try to have a conversation w her? copyright free music is playing and i can barely hear myself#doing online school in 2020? can't turn my mic on because of facebook videos#trying to sleep? i can hear her phone across the house#im just#ugh#she doesn't acknowledge anything around her half the time because of her phone and its soooooooooo#like its miserable. youre missing out on life and i am forced to hear it#i know this isnt like an unpopular opinion#but im justtttttttttttt#its frustrating#i miss life when everything wasnt online and displayed in 10 sec videos overlayed with 15 songs#im tired
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.
#the day was going so well until my mom decided to be mean to me for no reason in a piblic space where i was already feeling scared and over#stimulated. i wanted to try out the skateboards in decathlon but there were too many people and i got scared. and my mom suddenly said that#the skateboard that she was going to buy for me after/on my birthday. she had decided to buy now. since we were alr in theshop and i said no#way bec i hadnt decided which one i wanted yet and i was soo panicked. and then after some time when id calmed down a bit and was gonna try#to skate anyways she started questioning me abt when i planned on peacticing and where i was gonna do it and i obviously just started saying#things that i thought she would approve of. and then she told me i didnt have the time management skills or resolve to make it work. and she#just kept on passive aggressively bullying me until i just couldnt do it anymore and i told her i wanted go leave the store bc she was#spoiling the mood. and then she started bullying me louder and she told me to stop blaming her bc she was only asking me a question and she#didn't want to waste any more money on things that i wasnt gonna do even though ive wanted a skateboard for years now and have been actively#asking her for months. and i just lost my emergy and my appetite and i wanted to leave the mall and go home but insteaf she gook us to a#bagel place that ive been trying to get her to take us even though i felt like throwing up before we even left the mall and i told her i#didnt want to go there. and my brother even told her that she was ruining things for everyone. and he still ended up blaming me in the end.#but whatever. i kept getting flashbacks to insanely traumatic moments where shed yelled at or bullied me or cornered me or tried to#embarass me in public. and this is most likely my last year at home. and my last year of childhood. and its all going to be remembered in my#brain as underwhelming and depressing and mostly horrible. and im going to leave home and never cone back and my last year at home is going#to be just as shitty as every other year and ill just have to deal with that and try to build something good and new and kind when i leave#she shouldnt speak to her own children like this. she shouldnt be looking for reasons to make things miserable for me all the time like this#i should study. my head hurts. my entire body hurts so bad#delete later
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