#S4 nonsense

[tothelasthoursofmylife]

S4E8: KuroTangled - "And for that one moment, everything was perfect..."

All those days watching from the windows All those years outside looking in...

All that time never even knowing Just how blind I've been...

Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight...

Now I'm here, suddenly I see...

Standing here, it's all so clear I'm where I'm meant to be...

And at last I see the light...

And it's like the fog has lifted And at last I see the light...

And it's like the sky is new And it's warm and real and bright...

And the world has somehow shifted...

All at once everything looks different...

Now that I see you...

All at once, everything is different Now that I see you

Now that I see you...

[circumstellars]

TUA S4 Trailer + We're back!

↪ First S4 trailer || {TUA} {cast+} |  ☕  

[finnsfunworld]

honestly? i want a s4 fic where five brings them all to the five diner, and they live out their lives there

[mangoshorthand]

Abigail sucks harder than Reginald.

I will never watch S4 again, so you might have to correct my memory here, but can we agree that Abigail is a total cunt? 1000% worse than Reginald.

She literally created marigold in the Reggiverse. Reggie had removed it from the Umbrellas, (right? Hence no powers?) and she *chose* to reintroduce it because apparently Reginald needed a lesson on hubris that just happened to take out several billion people in the process.

Abigail. Honey. Just kill yourself if you're that bothered. Don't like it? Just take yourself out of it. What the fuck is this? Why make a weird and convoluted plan that involved brewing up a batch of marigold, giving it to the umbrellas and just assuming they'd drink it when you could have just taken yourself out of the situation? (Not to mention that you could have executed your little world-annihilation plan by finding Jennifer and dumping the jar on her head. Why the umbrellas gotta be your middle man?)

Again, unless I'm misremembering something, this just seems like horrible writing. If there was no marigold in this world, why was it supposedly doomed?

And, I'm sorry, but when Reginald reset the universe using a machine left there by its creator, why the holy fuck did all the other timelines still exist to be navigated by that dumbass subway? Surely that should wipe them out and create a blank slate. It's a *reset* dammit.

[wwonkkaa]

season four is literally just a fanfic like i’m 95 percent sure jennifer could genuinely be considered a mary sue

[r0semultiverse]

The whole Lila & Five season 4 situation can be summarized by this tumblr post

[fancygremlin]

Arthur and John each have a moment in the narrative where one perform a "leap of faith" and the other saves them. Both moments are quite interesting and serve to help the characters realise thay are no longer alone and that they can truly rely on one another (full analysis here, if you're interested).

However, I think there is a third "leap of faith" that occurs way later on... however this time the focus is neither John or Arthur, instead the character being saved is Noel.

Just like Arthur and John, the detective was forced to learn to be independent and self-reliant to ensure his own survival. He was separated very abruptly, and subsequently lost his only friend before being stuck in the Dreamlands. He was completely on his own against the King in Yellow, who tortured him relentlessly and cruelly for months. Noel was then carelessly spit back out in Arkham, traumatised and alone, and had to rebuild his life back up without being able to rely on anyone else.

How could he ever hope to explain all the horrors he was subjected to when no one could ever even begin to understand half of what he had to endure?

But then, years later he meets John and Arthur, and it seems that they can and do understand him. Noel allows Arthur to share his experiences in the Dreamlands... and the detective allows himself to finally recount his story too.

Then, in Part 40, Noel infiltrated a cultist base with John and Arthur and everything goes sideways. His trust in the characters is momentarily broken when John's real identity is revealed to him. Noel is then weakened by reliving his experience in the Dreamlands and nearly loses himself as the King in Yellow once again controls his mind and nearly kills him...

Noel takes a leap:

Noel was the first character that not only knew about Arthur and John's sharing a body situation, but also the first that wholly accepted them and tried to understand them better. It's only right that both Arthur and John reached out to help him and save him when he nearly lost himself.

As a side note, I think it’s really interesting how Arthur kept calling him out using his real name (Charlie), while John tried to reach him using his chosen name (Noel) during this scene. It's such an excellent, little detail which I really enjoyed.

I like to think that the use of both names is because just as Charlie/ Noel accepted both John and Arthur both as a unit and as separate people, the two characters are doing the same by accepting and recognising both the detective’s (past and present) identities as well. They decide to accept and save any and all versions of Charlie/ Noel.

Of course this is not the only interpretation. For example, the use of one name or the other might reflect how John and Arthur are recognising core parts of themselves within Noel/ Charlie instead.

John is calling the detective by his chosen name because he is honouring Noel's choice to start anew. Noel had been hurt in every possible way and reduced to nothing after his experience in the Dreamlands. The detective found that the only way to move forwards was by leaving all the (too far) damaged parts of himself behind and try to create a new self. A clean slate and new name for a new beginning to start a better life somewhere new. He needed to leave his past behind and forget the parts of himself he didn't want anymore. That was what John did too when he dissociated from the King in Yellow and began forming his own identity.

On the other hand, Arthur is calling the detective by his real name because he is honouring the person Charlie was in the past. Charlie was the part of himself that he left behind because he deemed too damaged and too ugly to salvage. Arthur drags behind his past mistakes like deadweight, he carries all the guilt and sorrow with him wherever he goes. He wants to believe that all the hurt, all the damage and all the scars he deems as the ugliest parts of himself don't make him an utterly repulsive and unlovable monster. I think he is trying to demonstrate that Charlie is just as worthy of being saved as Noel is, weaknesses and broken parts included.

Hm, and I seem to have gone off a giant tangent here... I shall stop blabbering now before I completely lose track of what this analysis was supposed to be about.

[pepperf]

If you want to see a very healing video of the Umbrella Academy cast, initially just about which character said what, but morphing into a love-in for one another, look no further:

[perypera]

(TUA s4 spoiler)

Surprised? A pair of equally smartass obnoxious brats-former assasins, both harbored hatred at first but by circumstance reluctantly became partners. In the course of 6 years got lost together in space and time, only had one-another as companion to travel timeline by timeline while fighting side by side in order to - Survive - Find a way back and Stop an Apocalypse in their own home, overtime gradually falling for another.

This 🔝 is what was taken from us, a glimpse into the lost time, this is why I am FOREVER stan that Five & Lila is the one very understandable thing compared to every monstrosities they thrashed in TUA s4.

And when ones still in the proceed of he wouldn't/ she wouldn't. I can write a big a** essay about they would, yeah, they would HARD.

It will have the first paragraph of canon events like - Please gather here for context, what was conveniently be forgotten :

s1 - s3: Happened in 28 days EST (depend on characters)

D!ego & Lila actually met and get together in 20days - few months give or take with Lila traveling in time : Lila found out she was pregnant, always had dreamed about a family she couldn't have , well, when D!ego is a responsible good man who she had feelings for was right there.

-> boy & girl built a family together after few months because the girl (killer - assassin past/ manipulative skills) got pregnant so asked the good boy (made of big chunk hero complex spice with abit mummy issue) for a family.

(keep in mind i'm talking context, never judged anyone /anything)

Every single one of Hargreeves's siblings wanted to walk out of the family at one point or another. Have experienced love for family and love between lovers (2 souls who match in all levels) - (must i clarify those are totally different kind of love?)

mr.Five - mr.i know best - authority complex (from being the oldest) respectfully disrespect every sblings. Meanwhile showing his questionable ability to control his emotions (the irony is this made him a loveable character)

s4: After 6 years in the new timeline:

Girls got tired, Boys got tired, siblings all so tired.

mr.Five showing his questionable ability to control his emotions. Have experienced love for family and love between lovers (2 souls who match in all levels) (I should clarify those are totally different kind of love)

All of the above pulled out from watching the show, and i can write more about the Subway storyline is not that out of blue for their characters. Anyone shared the same thoughts is welcome.

This is inspired by a quote "May you find someone who speaks your language so you don't have to spend a lifetime translating your soul"

[tothelasthoursofmylife]

How often...

... is that loser...

... going to...

... lose...

... his treasured locket chain?!

[thehargreevesfam]

Hiii I needed to hop back on to say s4 was dogshit

[1-800-cuupid]

I'm nosey so I did my own investigation

Okay so, sparked by intrigue and curiosity, I decided to take a real close look at false god's and moood's hair and I have to say...

Looking closely at the hair, for me to think that the mesh is stolen, it would have to match a set of criteria:

I'm expecting the hair mesh to line up closely, if not, match 100%

I'm expecting the UV Layout has to be very similar

I'm expecting to see solidified planes, not individual strands of hair

In this example, I couldn't get my hands on all the hair meshes that Moood is claiming False stole so I'm only using Apollo & N73 (the one Moood used to compare in a gif originally.

Going off my check list in order:

The hair does not line up at all. I can see where the hair tapers off from curves, where Moood's alpha hair clips through or where strands of hair are just straight up missing where they would be on a copy of the hair's mesh. I've included a few photo examples where I see this.

N73 vs Boyzzz: (Blonde hair is False's & Black hair is Moood's) (Red Line is Moood's & Blue Line is False's)

Apollo vs Conquer:

2. Again, if a hair is a copy of another, you can reasonably expect the hair to have a near similar UV Map, be it layout or shape of the uvs. When looking and comparing them both, you can see that they are no where near similar.

Apollo vs Conquer:

N73 vs Boyzzz:

3. Last but not least, solidified planes. As I said before, I have glanced over a few tutorials on how to make an alpha hair clay and as stated, you do not have to use Blender to do this. It consists of modifying the texture of an alpha hair to make it clay, not going into blender to make individual strands.

In this example, I'm using the solidify modifier to hypothetically turn Moood's hair into a clay hair, using Maxis textures with a similar UV Layout to showcase what it would look like if someone were attempting to pass off an exact copy of Moood's hair as Maxis Match.

Clearly, this is just quick and dirty because I'm not about to go through the process of sculpting each strand to look similar to that of False's but it's clear that none of the hairs are exact copies of each other.

My verdict is:

While False did build the mesh from the ground up (i.e. from scratch) they did have Moood's hair present in Blender and they WERE using it as a GUIDE (as in; Moood's hair on the bottom and their new mesh on top or side by side) while they were making their hair hence extremely similar strand placement. False did not steal and attempt to pass off an exact copy of Moood's hairs as their own.

A small aside: If they referenced the hair be it from Pinterest, google, a web comic, etc, the style is fair game. People copy off of others all the time just as Moood copied the hairs from another artist. If it was their OWN design that they came up with from their heads, no references, THEN it would be a diff story. But they didn't, so it's not.

You can even look at the Blend file I made to compare the two hairs if you wanna make your own judgement, download here.

Either way, it's no reason to call someone a necrophiliac lol

[finnsfunworld]

yall whenever i see any s4 edits of five i get so scared that theres gonna be a five x lila jump scare

[circumstellars]

guess who's back

back back

back again -gain gain gain

stellar's back back

tell a friend

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 24 thoughts

season FINALE!!! whew, it has been an emotional time these last few months, let me tell you that. i’m wondering how or if this will be wrapped up. 

the episode description makes no mention of scully’s illness, just more aliens. we always end the seasons with aliens. i imagine that this will also be a cliffhanger, so i’m trying to brace myself for that now.

(author's note: there was nothing short of reaching enlightenment that could have prepared me for this, and even if i had ascended to nirvana, i might have been ripped back out by the sheer tragedy of this storyline)

but damn, with a title like gethsemane, i’m expecting even more tears than usual. 

(author's note: yeah)

let us no longer delay. 

we begin with some videos from 1972, including carl sagan! what’s he doing here? well, he’s doing alien things. are you surprised?

the man on the screen is speaking about the probability of contacting aliens. he says it is very high.

and then cut to scully in some very yellow lighting, politely trying to get to a crime scene to do some FBI business!

wait. is that mulder’s couch???

she just needed to make an ID on a body and BRO WHAT. DID SHE FIND MULDER DEAD??? IN HIS OWN APARTMENT?????

HELLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO???!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

now she’s in a meeting room with a lot of important people…. 

she’s explaining how she was assigned to the x files four years ago…. and she’s explaining the mulder lore.

“i come here today, four years later, to report on the illegitimacy of agent mulder’s work” <- WOAH WHAT??? betrayal?????

“it is my scientific opinion that he became over the course of these years a victim- a victim of his own false hopes, and in his belief in the biggest of lies” <- that is so sad????!?!??

HELLO??? WHAT??? hey. what’s going on. is that really scully? or is it an alien?

well. they’ve gotten me both hooked and worried. 

is she lying to save him?? is he dead?? is she preserving his reputation in death?? because she said that stuff in the past tense… or maybe he was killed and she will be next if she doesn’t renounce everything???

WHAT IS AFOOT HERE.

scully i just publicly declared you my favorite, you can’t make me take that back…

(author's note: i should have never doubted her <3)

ohhhh fancy, the intro says “believe the lie”

helicopter over the yukon in canada. some guys say the stuff at camp is unbelievable. that's quite a jump in tone from before.

and now they’re marching up the hill, saying they’re very excited etc etc. it looks to be exhausting work. the score is very suspenseful.

they arrive in a cave and shake hands as the newcomers are introduced. and what is in there but…. a frozen alien???

i was hoping it would be a perfectly preserved mammoth :( but okay… whatever… (sadly kicks dirt around)

back to the meeting room with scully!!! she says there have been recent developments on the assumption that aliens exist… mulder was contacted by a man whose “pursuit of this evidence seemed to coincide with his own”, and she says he was duped!!!! fooled by scientific slight of hand!!! 

and she’s here to expose this lie… and to expose his work for what it is….

GIRL, WHAT WENT DOWN???

now a cut to some sort of scully family event!! she’s telling a story about her brother bill. will we finally get to see him!? yes!! here he is!!! like their father, he is also in the navy, and seems to be pretty decorated. 

and he says he sent her a birthday card, to which she says “thanks for remembering this year” LMAOOO get him again for me!!

(why does no one remember her birthday!!! i will cry!!!)

the priest arrives… and scully’s face falls…. why is she sad to see him? and why did he get invited??? i’m stressed. 

father mccue is talking to her about drifting from the church and feeling awkward, but her mom asked him to come tonight. he says turning back to faith is essential in times like this. she says she hasn’t felt a need to draw on faith for strength, that she has some. and she won’t coming running back now.

huh, i wonder if she thinks that “running back” to the church will be admitting defeat. she says she’d be lying to herself and to him if she did that.

maybe she has only lightly been dabbling in god-related affairs since revelations, but not enough to want to return to mass.

but a phone rings… it’s mulder!!!

he says he’s sorry to interrupt her dinner, (so at least there’s some self awareness there) but someone named arlinsky at the smithsonian contacted him about a mountain in canada.

he says she needs to meet him RIGHT AWAY. BRO???????? she looks SO sad when he said that. 

she would do ANYTHING for him. and tbh i see why she wants to expose him now. fuck that. 

she’s assuring him that it’s okay, and he’s trying to apologize, but i’m still mad at him, and scully should be too. and who the hell is this arlinsky guy? apparently he was involved in a ufo photo faking?? but he claims he’s innocent?? THAT is what disrupted her dinner??

he says he won’t tell her what she’s about to see….

he has pictures of an alien frozen in the mountain and she looks deeply unimpressed. girl me too! 

apparently the alien has been in the ice for 200 years. and babcock (arlinsky's colleague) was part of the team that found it.

arlinsky says it’s a very remote location for it to be a hoax, to which mulder once again displays some self awareness with his “well if you’re gonna go, why not go all the way?” but again, not enough to prevent himself from getting in this situation in the first place

arlinsky pulls out the ice core samples from each side of the body, and says he sincerely believes they have a full corpse of an alien. 

but family dinner. i care about that more.

mulder says no one will believe him, and the same people that hid the truth will be asked to authenticate it, so there will be no confirmation either. which is why arlinsky wants him to go and get the body, because he knows it means everything to mulder

ohhhh scully says she has no opinion… “this is your holy grail, mulder, not mine” <- i am glad she is admitting she has no horse in this race

OHHH “proving the existence of alien life is not my last dying wish” <-yeah remind him that you’re literally dying and you can’t waste time because he SEEMS TO HAVE FORGOTTEN!!!!

“this is not some selfish pet project of mine, scully” <- well if it’s for the sake of your sister, but you’re hurting the people around you for it, that is still selfish actually 

woah woah woah i had to write this next part out...

“you already believe, mulder, what difference will it make? i mean, what will proof change for you?”

“if someone could prove to you the existence of god, would it change you?”

“only if it has been disproven”

“then you accept the possibility that belief in god is a lie?” (where are you going with this…? this is a sensitive subject for her!)

“i don’t think about it, actually. and i don’t think it can be proven”

“but what if it could be? wouldn’t that knowledge be worth seeking? or is it easier to go on believing the lie?”

this exchange made me feel frustrated. i wish he would be less ahab-like all of the time. yes, it is a huge deal that someone found an alien. but i see no reason why he couldn't have gone to that meeting by himself. and bringing god into this when he knows that's something very personal to her is a low blow. i get the point he was trying to make about believing the lie and all that, but c'mon man.

mulder honey, i get that this is a big deal to you, but time and place.

she tells him that she cannot go with him, but then he says, well can you just look at the ice core samples please. and she nods her head reluctantly. 

cut back to the big meeting room with scully and other very important people

“what i couldn’t tell agent mulder, what i had only just learned myself, was that the cancer which had been diagnosed in me several months earlier had metastasized. and the doctors told me, short of a miracle, it would continue to aggressively invade my body, advancing faster each day towards the inevitable” <- OH MY GOD??? oh my god. 

but why wouldn't she tell him... did she think that telling him then would interrupt his alien quest?? and she didn't want to do that because she knows how important it is to him? or did she not want him to worry?

because i would have told him!!! i would have said it right then and there!! but she is very different from me...

the fact that she is aware that she has so little time left and STILL left her dinner to go deal with his nonsense… scully, i fear you give too much and need to do things for yourself, please please

back on the mountain, they’re cutting the ice with a chainsaw. feels a bit unscientific, but i mean i guess that’s how you get that stuff done.

one guy is loading a pistol??? saying he doesn’t know the men well. that’s suspicious. i don’t care for it. 

there’s something in the ice. maybe a bubble. or a casting hole!! of liquid poured!! could this be a fake?? but the angle wouldn’t make sense, says one guy. hmm... i'm not sure what to think.

did they put a fake alien all the way up here…? and why is gun guy looking around all shady like…?

back to the core samples in DC. the scientist says he found some hybrid cells in there, not plants nor animals, but chimera, and he wants to get them under a microscope. hmm… can we clone da alien :3

someone walks into the cave in the yukon with a shotgun!!! and kills all of the men!!!!! what the hell!!! is this a real alien then?????

this happens just as others begin the hike up the mountain, including the smithsonian guy arlinsky. and mulder!! i didn’t even recognize him under all those baggy coats and sunglasses. wow. i feel like a fake fan.

someone was supposed to meet them and guide them up the mountain, but there’s no one there, and all the supplies are frozen over. so they begin the hike on their own, following the tracks from the others.

oh! the find someone keeled over in the snow, to which mulder remarks “funny place to take a nap”. again with the inappropriate jokes as a coping mechanism. it’s the guide that was supposed to meet them!! and he was shot and killed!!!

well, the alien is starting to look more authentic as the bodies pile up. 

back at the lab, scully is looking for the scientist, but she doesn’t find him. what she does find is a guy stealing the core sample???

he shoves her down the stairs?????? what the HELL!!!!

see, i thought the alien was a lie at first, but now it’s starting to appear compelling.

mulder and smithsonian guy arlinsky have arrived at the cave, and he pulls out his gun. they find all of the bodies from the crew, and no alien!!! it has been carved out!!!

mulder hypothesizes that perhaps someone was listening to their radio comms and came to hide their alien knowledge, but they hear some groans. and babcock is still alive!!

he says that the alien body wasn’t taken, but that he buried it!! and sure enough, they find it beneath their feet. mulder looks at it with amazement. big moment for a guy like him.

but scully!!! her face is bruised and her pristine lab coat is covered in blood! bill comes in with a change of clothes. and he didn’t tell their mom what happened. 

“i was knocked down a flight of stairs… but i’m okay, luckily”

“you’re not okay, dana” <- OHHHH BILL. please tread carefully.

he says he knows about her cancer and she says mom wasn’t supposed to tell him!!!

she says she doesn’t want sympathy, and he accuses her of thinking she can cure herself. which feels like a terribly low blow.

OHHHH MY GOD. wait hold on. hold on.

“what are you doing at work getting knocked down and beaten up? what are you trying to prove? that you’re gonna go out fighting?”

“oh now, come on, bill”

“do you know what mom is going through? why do you think i didn’t tell her when they called?”

“what should i be doing?” (said with great frustration)

“we have a responsibility, not just to ourselves, but to the people in our lives”

“hey, look, just-just because i haven’t bared my soul to you or to father mccue or to god, it doesn’t mean that i’m not responsible to what’s important to me” (this was very defensive and exasperated in tone)

“to what? to who? this guy mulder? well, where is he, dana? where is he through all this?”

well…. i want to defend mulder, to say he doesn’t know, but just because he doesn’t know that her cancer is getting worse doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have been more sensitive. he actually has been very conscientious, which makes this whole alien thing all the more sudden and infuriating!!!

she is stunned into silence as bill looks at her with fury. and she doesn’t say anything more to him beyond “thank you for coming” <-god, what was she supposed to even say?? i get trying to shake her back to reality, but who did that cruelty help??

bill, i get what you were trying to do, but you pissed me off in the way that you did it. do you always show the people you care for that you love them by screaming at them? because if so. not a very effective tactic.

mulder is unboxing the alien, which is now in DC, and he’s trying to thaw it with the smithsonian guy arlinsky and babcock! who is doing better! despite taking a shotgun bullet.

babcock asks if it were a hoax, why would there be 6 men dead over it, which is a good question. 

ewwww, the alien looks so gross….

with the help of another FBI agent, she finds the guy who hurt her!!!! and he’s working for the government!!!! in the pentagon‘s research facility!!! his name is kritschgau. they should not hire people in the government who assault women in stairwells.

mulder and crew are getting x rays and scans of the alien. mulder is wearing a sweater, but i’m still mad at him so i will NOT make note of how cute it is. 

the alien body is gross as hell. they’re filming an autopsy. ohhh he’s cutting the eye membrane off. EWWWW. EWWW.

now the ribs…… ewww ewww ewwww EWW IT CRUNCHES. NASTY. he takes the ribs out and starts looking at the heart and lungs and some other white stuff in the chest. gag.

meanwhile, scully’s casing the joint looking for the dude kritschgau who assaulted her, and she finds him, tracks him down, and nearly hits him with her car!!! she has her gun and is going after him!!!! he is under arrest!!! 

she is NOT messing around. we see a level of scully fury here that is incredibly potent and shown to us infrequently. i enjoy it, but it also makes me sad, because it shows how much stress she is under.

it appears he has slipped away, but she catches him!!!!! yes ma'am!!!!

kritschgau says that if he gets arrested, they’ll kill him. “they” being the same people that gave her cancer!!! how tf does he know about that???”

meanwhile, the alien organs are being weighed.

then cutscene back to the big meeting with scully!!! she’s telling them about how they smuggled the corpse back, saying mulder was ready to believe it was an alien.

but kritschgau convinced her it was otherwise, and not a true alien… he explained how mulder and her had been deceived and used, and that it was part of their plan that led to missy’s death and her illness.

god, how she must have felt hearing that… that everything that had happened to her was a waste, that the only point in her suffering was to advance corruption... it must have been devastating

as mulder leaves the warehouse where the autopsy was occurring, it seems he’s being watched by a guy with a shotgun??? is the shotgun guy going from before after the alien people????

it IS shotgun guy from before!!!! he knows babcock?? and he kills smithsonian guy arlinsky!!!

now who tf is this babcock fellow?!?!?!?!?!?

kritschgau is now sitting in mulder's apartment, explaining the "everything is a lie" story to him. mulder asks why he'd do this now- a fair question- and kritschgau says he came to him because his son is very sick after serving in the gulf war. i suppose if in this universe that is also something that has been covered up by the government, it could spark some disillusionment in the whole process once it impacts him personally.

he says "they" invented mulder, the regression hypnosis, the story of his sister and what they told his dad, and that the alien body was made carefully in a lab. and it would never be carbon dated, it was only for him to see so he would go public with the news and discredit himself.

mulder declares kritschgau to be a liar, but he says the body is already long gone, so he leaves to check. and sure enough, when he goes back to the warehouse, it isn’t there, but arlinsky is dead, as is shotgun guy!!!

again, WHO TF IS BABCOCK??!?!?

the cellular materials were an exact match to what kritschgau described. 

and this brings us to scully and mulder really fighting, really really fighting

“after all i’ve seen and experienced, i refuse to believe it’s not true” “because it’s easier to believe the lie, isn’t it?” <- ohh callback to earlier....

and she reveals that he said she was given this sickness to make him believe… oh my god, if that’s true, and her life is just a prop in their sick game… 

he storms out. 

back to the video from the 70’s we began with. 

mulder is watching it and crying. oh no… the beginning is clicking into place for me…… oh no, i see what is coming…. 

back to the meeting room. she says she went to his apartment that morning to identify a body, and that mulder died of a self-inflicted gunshot 

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK?????????????????

thus concludes the episode

she’s crying, she’s crying, all i can think about is her crying, what the hell, what the hell….

so he killed himself because he realized he was being used as a pawn and it was his fault scully was dying…

normally i would have more to say. but i’m not gonna lie to you, i don’t. this is just so fucking sad. i don’t even have the words. never in a million years did i see this happening. what the hell???? what the hell?

do i believe this kritschgau guy??? i think he’s probably telling 30% of the truth. but not the whole thing. why would all those men die for a fake alien? i think he’s being deployed as a cover story as mulder gets too close. and i think some of this is engineered, but not as much as he claims.

and i'm willing to bet that "believing the lie" actually refers to scully believing his cover story!!!

man. i’m sorry but i’m just so sad. i have been so sad this whole season!!!! 

mulder…… it was rude of you to interrupt her dinner…… but this was not the answer… 

how is sneaky mulder going to get out of the situation THIS time??? and how is scully going to get out of the hole she's dug by reporting all of their work as fraud?? is bill going to be happy now?? lowkey fuck bill, btw.

wow... this is just painful. and i don't even have to wait months to find out what happens next. had i seen this when it aired live i probably would have entered a state of mourning.

so that's the end, huh? of the season, i mean. just sucker punch after sucker punch. i hope this isn't the tone of everything else moving forward. can i get uhhhh one order of whimsy please. with a side of mutual pining. and a small hurt/comfort, emphasis on the comfort. thank you.

after waiting 24 hours from watching the episode initially, i am still torn between how to proceed next. part of me wants to compile all of my favorite moments from the season like always, but the other part of me wants to begin the next episode right away, just so i can move on from such horrible mental imagery as mulder dead from a self-inflicted gunshot. what a terrible thing i wouldn't even have expected from fanfiction!

but, i can also see that the next episode is a two parter, and to be left on ANOTHER cliffhanger would be horrible- but probably LESS horrible than being left with the sadness of dead mulder, right? i don't know what to do! i am filled with indecision!!!!

:(

at least i can take away some fascinating analysis regarding scully's relationship to catholicism, and her idea that depending on any force outside of herself- be it family, friends, or god- is a sign of weakness. i mean, that is pretty telling about her character. and the fact that she believes this so strongly she tried to hide her cancer getting worse from her brother and succeeded in hiding it from mulder!!! to even voice the truth would make it real. maybe that's why she can't tell them, can't go to mass- because it would mean that the end is really near if she did so. i think it's about both the perceived ideas of weakness ingrained in her by her hardass parents and a refusal to let the situation she has found herself in be registered as real in her own mind. she knows it is. but maybe if she pushes it to the side, she can forget for a while.

wow. that sure is something to think over, and think it over i shall.

[butterflysonnets]

still pissed argyle supposedly isn't coming back for s5 when he was the only one other than dustin and suzie getting shit done and solving problems last season. literally the only reason cali gang made it. argyle has many rights and not being confirmed for s5 is infringing on them. put him back where he belongs with his queerplatonic buddy jonathan or so help me