#s4 raising me from certain death

[circumstellars]

guess who's back

back back

back again -gain gain gain

stellar's back back

tell a friend

[oodlyenough]

dw empire of death

spoilers ofc

hm. like many RTD finales, a bit of a mixed bag. i feel less certain of my overall thoughts than last week (which i thought was a blast, tbh).

the good: i'm... pretty happy with the ruby mom reveal. this whole mystery box set up turning out to be "she was just a scared young woman who couldn't raise her baby", an ordinary woman mythologized by ruby and the doctor over the season, etc, is an extremely RTD solution. and as a fan of his stuff I liked seeing that... well... pivot to his roots as opposed to her being part of the pantheon or something (which I admit I did wonder about myself).

the *idea* of her pointing at the sign to name the baby is nice, I like the meaning of it and what Ruby takes from it, but it is a bit of a clumsy set up. very dramatic pointing, ms miller.

also as much as i was dying to see what the screen said lol i DID love the character moment of ruby stepping forward to offer the name to sutekh, only to smash it, and then clip his collar (lmfao btw). i thought that was a nice character moment for ruby. in that moment i thought perhaps we'd never find out the answer, and that would be something ruby sacrificed for the greater good. i wasn't sure how satisfying that would be and I guess I'll never have to find out bc it's not what happened lmao, but it is where i thought we might be headed.

i liked seeing the gloves and the rope from TCORR come back. i like surprise tools that will help us later :)

loved the memory tardis from the time window and the use of that tales from the tardis set. how cool.

loved the time window playing clips of classic who that's so fun. mel's moment with six's outfit awwww. and i'm sure i missed some of the namedrops of planets etc that fifteen was going on about but i liked the ones i caught. shan-shen! oodsphere!!

i thought the effects of the dust wave and the insta-crumbling was pretty good and spooky

i really like having mel around! i hope we get to see her cameo again

the mixed bag:

'the death wave is eating memories and going back through family trees in reverse' is pretty cool as a concept, i thought. where i think this hurts the resolution a bit is that in the moment i thought, "ok, well, ruby's "safe" because there's the Mystery, there's no family tree for it to climb!" but like... there was. does sutekh need to personally be aware of your family tree to kill you?

i really liked the moment of fifteen and ruby watching louise outside the coffee shop, and i really liked the moment where ruby sits down across from her and then the barista calls the name ruby and they have this look. i ... kind of found myself wishing that it would stop there? i mean, i'm happy for ruby, and i think "ruby found her bio fam and now ruby and her big family are together" is a nice ending for the character. but there was something so emotional and bittersweet about that split second of wondering and connection between the two, and ruby having that choice to make...

the goodbye between ruby and fifteen was lovely. millie gibson is so good her big watery eyes make me so sad. i've enjoyed the two of them together and i think they have incredible chemistry as characters and actors, like, what a team of besties. i'll miss ruby on the TARDIS. but ... only 10 episodes, a couple of which didn't feature them much at all... a bond that didn't get super developed on screen ... I dunno. Left me wishing we got more from them through the season.

I do know we'll see more of Ruby next season, so I'm excited for that. an s4 Martha situation. but then I also worry about Varada Sethu's character getting development time too...

the not so good:

killing off rose, kate, etc in the first minute removes stakes, because while you might worry about characters like cherry or carla who won't necessarily stick around when ruby leaves or whose deaths will impact ruby, you know rose and kate are not going to stay dead permanently. also very infinity war (derogatory) where there was the same issue -- no these characters won't stay dead and i'm not going to humour it lol

rose temple sweetie it was nice to see you stand in the background and not speak. what was that about. she FINALLY got all of two lines. it just felt like she didn't serve a lot of purpose in this ep. I mean I liked seeing her but she did not do anything to the story in either part of the ep

the solution of "death kills death" was a bit goofy lol but it's doctor who the solution is always goofy. i didn't care too much about that i guess. but it was goofy

i really think we could've used a more decisive scene with carla and ruby. carla seems to understand ruby's desire to know her bio fam and be supportive of it and that's lovely. obviously ruby loves carla and vice versa. but i think it would've been nice to have a moment of on-screen explicit acknowledgment between carla and ruby that there might be weird feelings there, that louise isn't replacing carla, something like that.

related to the above, the Doctor says Ruby redefined the way he thinks of family, which is a huge thing to say, but I don't feel like I ever saw that happening on screen. it COULD have. all the pieces are there with foundlings and foster care and adoption...

[desperatelyseekingcannibals]

a little Halloween treat...

Laid To Rest (ChillyWilly and Hannigram S4) - Shortfic

Explicit // M/M // Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, Will Graham/Frederick Chilton // Tags: Crack almost treated seriously, Season 4, Cuba, Chilton is dead, Chilton is a ghost, ghosts, Haunting, sexual molestation (by a ghost), non-con becomes dub-con becomes con, wet dreams, blow jobs, hand jobs, fantasies, cuckolding, purposefully mixed POVs, riding, anal sex, jealousy, possessiveness, Chilton is finally laid... to rest. Patreon prompt fill.

TW: This is a light hearted and ridiculous story, however the initial interactions between sleeping Will and ghost Chilton are non-consensual and may be something some readers might wish to avoid. 

Hannibal and Will are being haunted by the ghost of Frederick Chilton, there's only one way to lay him to rest.

Laid To Rest (3.6k words):

Will woke in a cold sweat, sitting up in bed in a way that twisted the sheets around him and pulled a grumble from Hannibal.

He panted as he tried to focus on the room but it was too dark to make out much. There was nothing there, he knew. Despite his hard cock straining at the sensation that he must have imagined. If Hannibal wasn’t clearly so fast asleep beside him, he might have believed his lover was trying to wake him with a blowjob.

He groaned and pressed his hand down on his crotch. It was that faceless figure again. Or not faceless but obscured, just beyond his reach, like he wasn’t quite real. And it was a he, and it was, Will knew, someone he had known. He might not be able to clearly see who the person is, but he could feel him. A smugness and void of charm that persisted after death.

“Will?” Hannibal mumbled and reached for him and Will took his hand, squeezed it and then got up from the bed. He needed a shower, a cold one. And then he’d cuddle back up to Hannibal and hope to get back to sleep.

*

“Are we going to talk about it?” Hannibal asked over breakfast.

Will would have sniped that he didn’t know what Hannibal was talking about, but given that they shared a bed, it was difficult to hide anything from his once therapist.

“Not if you’re going to go all psychologist on me,” Will replied before forking eggs into his mouth.

“You’re not sleeping. This is the sixth time you’ve had a disturbed night in the last two weeks,” When Will continued to eat rather than replying Hannibal continued. “If it’s nightmares, Will, it may help to discuss--”

Will shook his head, about to protest that they weren’t nightmares. But what were they?

If he was honest, he wasn’t sure they were even dreams. Not that he was trying to ignore that they might be wet dreams, even if nightmarish due to the subject involved. It was more that it felt so real.

“It’s not nightmares,” Will finally said. “I don’t know…”

He felt discombobulated by the whole thing, he didn’t even have words to describe it. But if he couldn’t discuss it with Hannibal, who could he discuss it with? And after several nights of this, he really needed to tell someone.

“You’re going to think I’m crazy.”

Hannibal raised a brow, “Crazy is not a word I use without caution. What makes you think you are crazy, Will?” His tone had slipped into his familiar therapist manner.

“They don’t feel like dreams,” Will replied quickly, “whatever it is, it feels real.”

“Dreams can often feel very real. The same parts of the brain that are active when we are awake are also active when we are in certain stages of our sleep,” Hannibal took the hint from Will’s expression and instead then asked, “And what happens in these not-dreams?”

Will swallowed and focused on Hannibal intently then, giving him a look.

With some amusement, Hannibal’s lips tweaked into a small smile, “Something of a sexual nature? Will, it is quite normal for men of any age to have--”

Will waved a hand dismissively, “If I was just having, um, night emissions, do you think I’d be so concerned? It’s not about what happens… what I do… It’s about what is done to me.”

Hannibal frowns at that and his concern is obvious, “Please explain.”

“In the night, I feel like… it’s like someone is there. A third person in our room… touching me. Sexually.”

“I see,” Hannibal’s tone and expression were dark and for a moment, dark enough that it sent a chill up Will’s spine.

Continue on AO3

[queer-geordie-dyke]

A nuanced and insightful interview with Mira from November 1996, in the middle of filming S4 of Babylon 5 - it touches on her war time experiences in Yugoslavia and the events that drove her from her home, and the similarities between her own life and that of Delenn. Once again, I am bowled over by the incredible integrity and courage she possessed:

STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND

It's the one subject that pains Mira Furlan to discuss. The one subject that invades her privacy. The one subject that so violates her very soul.

And yet, it's the one subject that can't be avoided.

Nearly five years to the day of this interview, Furlan left her homeland of Yugoslavia, which was about to be engulfed in a bloody and horrific civil war. Ethnic passions restrained by decades of Communist rule had been unleashed by its collapse. Fascistic Nationalists arose to take its place, many of them former Communists. In their lust for power, they tore apart a nation of disparate republics and peoples that had once been a dream of poets, intellectuals and writers.

As one of Yugoslavia's most prestigious actors, Furlan risked her life and fortune to perform in cities on both sides, in Croatia and in Serbia. She hoped that she could be a bridge of unity, a symbol of pacifism, a clarion warning what terrible price their country would pay for unleashing the war their leaders were about to start.

Except for her husband, Goran Gajic, no one supported her.

Her colleagues abandoned her. Nationalist demagogues threatened to have her killed. Anonymous death threats were left on her answering machine.

She could not go silently. Before she left Yugoslavia, Furlan picked up her pen and wrote a farewell letter to her country. The letter was published a few days later in Zagreb (the capital of Croatia) and Belgrade (the capital of Serbia), cities on opposite sides of the coming war. It began:

“I hereby wish to thank my co-citizens who have joined so unreservedly in this small, marginal and apparently not particularly significant campaign against me. Although marginal, it will change and mark my whole life. Which is, of course, totally irrelevant in the context of the death, destruction, devastation and bloodchilling crimes within which our life now goes on.

This is happening, however, to the one and only life I have. It seems that I've been chosen for some reason to be the filthy rag everyone uses to wipe the mud off their shoes. I am far too desperate to embark on a series of public polemics in the papers. I do, however, feel that I owe myself and my city at least a few words. Like at the end of some clumsy, painful love story, when you keep wanting, wrongly, to explain something more, even though you know at the bottom of your heart that words are wasted; there is no one left to hear them. It is over.”

In Yugoslavia, Furlan was a leading actress of film, television and stage. She appeared in over 25 films, and won two Golden Arenas for Best Actress, their equivalent of the Oscar. Among her acclaimed theatrical roles were Ophelia in Hamlet, Celimene in The Misanthrope, and the title role in Euripides' Helen.

Under socialist rule, the arts were state-funded. "Your star status didn't mean that you were making money. But there were other advantages. Money was not the main obsession. The absence of money gave you a certain degree of creative freedom. We had all the time in the world. Movies were shot forever. Theatre plays were rehearsed forever. I personally was bored with that; things were not quick enough for me. But you had the luxury of having time to explore, to enjoy the creative process. These were the few advantages of living in socialism."

The notion of "freedom" in the arts in a socialist country may come as a surprise to Americans raised on Cold War propaganda asserting the opposite. "With my generation, the Communists were dying off," Furlan said. "Their grip on the artists' community was not as strong as after the war (World War II), when you could be in prison for just saying the wrong sentence. So we didn't feel it. I grew up totally despising them - the so-called them - and not having anything to do with them. And they left me alone. So there was relative freedom. Theatre was free because no one cared, basically. It was so marginal to the cause of the regime that people were left to do what they wanted. Film was much more dangerous, thus much more controlled."

That started to change when the Nationalists came to power. "The Yugoslav Communists didn't have the force that these new Nationalists now have, because these new leaders feel that the world is starting from them. They're creating new realities, new history, new language, new values. There's always this passion in the beginning; as a citizen, you don't want to be touched by that passion, because it can cost you your life."

Life in the former Yugoslavia was a political lifestyle largely unknown to Americans. "It was a double life. People had their own private thoughts. Publicly, they behaved as was prescribed; the majority were members of the Communist Party. Opportunism ruled. I think all Eastern Europeans have that built in — no confidence in any government, in any politicians. But, a contradiction! When Communism collapsed, Nationalism was born out of the old Communism. Trained in opportunism, people easily converted from Communism to Nationalism. That's the irony of it. Nothing has changed. The same people, the same names. The same faces. They just converted, switched just like that. That's what's so ugly in that whole situation. You just watch it and cannot believe that people don't remember what they were saying just two months ago. They didn't learn anything. They actually jumped into the first trap, completely surrendering to those new Nationalist leaders that brought them only pain lsss and devastation."

“I have no other way of thinking. I cannot accept war as the only solution, I cannot force myself to hate, I cannot believe that weapons, killing, revenge, hatred, that such an accumulation of evil will ever solve anything. Each individual who personally accepts the war is in fact an accessory to the crime; must he not then take a part of the guilt for the war, a part of the responsibility?”

"Historically, there were all kinds of frustrations on all sides, among all the peoples of the former Yugoslavia. There was a general feeling that each of these peoples who lived together in the former Yugoslavia had been somehow abused by the others. And there was a lot of truth in that. Nationalism is always partly grounded in truth. The Nationalists' politics manipulated the existing anger and frustration of the people and put their emphasis on that, and that's how the war started. The new Nationalists, who were for the most part converted Communists, took all the media. Journalists, I think, and media in general, bear an incredible responsibility for what happened."

The Babylon 5 episode being filmed during this interview, "The Illusion of Truth," has some eerie parallels. An ISN news crew films a documentary on B5, only to use the footage in a propaganda film for President Clark's fascist regime. It's an allegory for how America was consumed by Senator Joe McCarthy's witch hunts in the 1950s. "Sometimes I'm so appalled by what Joe (Straczynski) knows. I happened to experience a witch hunt — as an object! — but it's nothing new. Old stuff."

Furlan drew the attention of the Nationalists after she travelled from her home in Zagreb, Croatia to Belgrade, Serbia to perform at the annual BITEF Festival. BITEF was an international theatre event attended by actors from across Europe. She believed that her participation was a statement that her profession should not be drawn into supporting any political or national ideas. She felt it was her responsibility to establish bridges and ties, "for the sake of something that would outlive this war and this hatred which is so foreign to me," she wrote at the time. But the political leaders in Croatia were furious with her — and targeted her as an example of what would happen to others who chose the same path. Fearful for their careers, if not for their lives, and perhaps even sympathetic of the Nationalist cause, none of her colleagues spoke up to defend her.

“I think, I know and I feel that it is my duty, the duty of our profession, to build bridges. To never give up on cooperation and community. Not that national community. The Professional community. The human community. And even when things are at their very worst, as they are now, we must insist to our last breath on building and sustaining a bond between people. This is how we pledge to the future. And one day it will come . . .

I was willing and I would still be willing to undertake all and any efforts, if the hatred hadn't suddenly overwhelmed me with its horrendous ferocity, hatred welling from the city I was born in. I am appalled by the force and magnitude of that hatred, by its perfect unanimity, by the fact that there was absolutely nobody who could see my gesture as my defense of the integrity of the profession, as my attempt to defend at least one excellent theatre performance.”

"People's behavior is mainly built on fear. People think, 'Let them destroy her but just leave us alone.' When the media went crazy in Yugoslavia, I was a good example. I was a perfect target. I was a totally unprotected woman. Woman, that's very important. The war propaganda was constantly in search of 'internal enemies' just to homogenize the people, and to put fear in their heads so they could manipulate them. It's interesting that the majority of the 'internal enemies' were women. It's a very misogynist culture. It's a very misogynist world. I happen to be partly Jewish, and that came into the picture nicely. And I was never very obedient in my life and career. I left projects that I didn't really believe in. I made some unexpected choices in my work and in my life. All of that got wrapped up - Liberal. Feminist. Whore. Jew. Everything. The media combined it into this juicy bundle and served it to the people, who devoured it."

Abandoned by her friends and colleagues, and living with the threat of assassination, Furlan and her husband left Yugoslavia on November 15, 1991 for New York. She left behind the open letter explaining her departure.

“I am sending this letter into a void, into darkness, without an inkling of who will read it and how, or in how many different ways it will be misused or abused. Chances are it will serve as food for the eternally hungry propaganda beast. Perhaps someone with a pure heart will read it after all.

I will be grateful to that someone.”

American life and culture were a difficult adjustment, both in her profession and her personal life. Furlan has found the acting profession, indeed the entire entertainment industry, radically different from what she knew. Unlike in Yugoslavia, she found that diverse acting talents in the United States were rarely appreciated, much less rewarded.

"It's a European tradition among actors. Serious actors build their career in the theatre," Furlan said. "It's a completely different thing in America. The theatre is so marginal. The theatre doesn't matter because it's not mass culture. It's not the money-making machine. So yeah, I've learned that. We had a crash course in capitalism in the toughest spot. Hollywood is probably the toughest spot on Earth that way, the most cruel. It's a struggle, it's a fight. It's all about publicity and agents and names. That's what I really hate about being an actor here. I hated many things about acting in Yugoslavia. I was frustrated, and felt hopeless as an actor in socialism. I hated many things there, but I really miss concentrating on my work, which should be enough ideally, and it's not. Here, it's just a tiny part of everything else. Everything else is much more important, and you have to do so much of it yourself because no one else cares. Doing stuff that takes away your energy and your concentration and your precious time. These telephone conversations with people who have no interest in you, who don't have interest in anything but quick and easy money."

Babylon 5 is Furlan's first major television role in the United States; in fact it was one of her first auditions. It was also her introduction to science fiction. "I'm completely new to this whole thing. I knew the basics of science fiction literature — Bradbury, Clarke, just general culture — but there wasn't anything remotely similar to this. I was shocked when I went to my first convention."

The similarities between Furlan's life and Delenn's travails are striking. But it seems that it's no more than an amazing coincidence. According to Furlan, Straczynski didn't even know about her personal history when she was hired to play Delenn. "He surprises me so many times. And sometimes I feel as if he's written something directly for me. But he didn't know anything about me. Nothing. When the series started, we talked and he found out."

Furlan was an only child, raised among adults in a family of university professors. What was it that led her into acting? "It was a game! I always wanted to study languages. I studied English and French when I finished high school. I did them together, languages and acting. I went to the Academy for Film, Theatre and TV, and the University. But it was the other part of me, the part that wants to play, that finally won over the serious part, the one who sits at home and reads and learns and does research. It started as a game, it started as 'Let's play.'

"When I started at the Academy, they always used me for comedy, for light, playful stuff. Then I did a play in which something clicked in me. It was an English play in a famous little avant garde theatre, with only me and another actor. It was a very heavy play about marriage, marriage in three stages, which ends with this woman committing suicide on stage. I was so much younger than the part I played, but it completely opened this world of reality in acting. It started a journey inward for me. Once you experience that, once you open up in that way - people talk about getting in touch with your emotions, that's what you do in acting. That's your main job. That's your profession.

"That's why I miss theatre. That's the beauty of doing theatre. You are in touch with the greatest writers of world literature. Their thoughts, their characters. That's unbeatable. That's a pleasure in itself, no matter in what way it forwards your so-called career. I miss film. I miss having time to try things to discover subtleties, layers, little things. The comforting thing on Babylon 5 is Joe's writing, which sometimes touches the depth of the classic literature."

If Straczynski were to ask her to write a B5 episode, what story would she tell?" I have an image for some reason of the set for The Wizard of Oz. I'm in the middle, kind of a Dorothy figure. On one side is G'Kar, and on the other side is Londo, and we walk towards some incredible adventure. Having them on each side of me would make me feel strong and protected, and I would dare to go anywhere!" She suggests that her cat could play Toto, and we agree that cats are very Minbari.

Babylon 5 is fiction. But much of that fiction is rooted in reality, the reality of our 20th Century. It's easy to turn off the TV each week at the end of the hour, put away the popcorn bowl and say, "Aw, that couldn't happen here." But it has. It does. And it will.

Delenn is a fictional character, but Mira Furlan is not. It's easy for a fictional character to risk her life for a cause. For a living human being with friends, family, and a successful career, that decision is much more difficult. Fiction often poses for its characters the question, "Will you sacrifice all for what you believe?" In the fictional world of Babylon 5, that question is, "Who are you?" Reality rarely presents any of us with that challenge. Few of us will ever know what our answer would be.

All Mira Furlan ever wanted was to experience the pure joy of acting, the inward exploration of her soul, and to share that exploration with her audience. But history forced her to explore down unseen paths, paths of darkness, the same paths that took countless lives in her homeland. History demanded, "Who are you?"

Mira answered, and suffered for it. She and Goran have started a new life in America, strangers in a strange land. Their experience reminds us that life may one day demand a test of our integrity. If it does, let us hope that we are equal to their courage.

[heavencasteel420]

tbh i think mileven will remain canon, but it'll seem weird to me if they still portray their relationship (and jopper for that matter) as flawless ~TWU WUV~ but totally ditch jancy. i'm biased, but it would feel off to me.

I agree completely. The strongest argument in favor of Jancy breaking up—really one of the few serious arguments, as far as I’m concerned—is that they are both very young and might benefit from experiencing more of the world separately/not having to make their college plans around each other. I have a hard time imagining a “Nancy and Jonathan go their separate ways” ending that wouldn’t leave me feeling unsatisfied and a little jerked around, plus I don’t trust them to address Nancy’s loneliness or Jonathan’s anything, but I get why other people think it’s a good idea. If I weren’t so invested in both characters it’d probably sound sensible.

Yet this argument applies even more strongly to Mileven, who are even younger and less experienced (especially El), and who don’t seem to share many goals/interests. Anyone who’s nodding along approvingly with “don’t go to college with your high school sweetheart” isn’t going to (or at least shouldn’t) be smiling on two characters (one lab-raised) meeting at twelve and staying together forever. I guess the show could avoid the issue somewhat by ending the story before their senior year and not doing any flash-forwards? Still, they both seemed pretty restless in S4.

(I will also say the applies strongly to St4ncy, supposing that happens. What, she’s going to break up with her high school boyfriend, only to immediately get together with her previous high school boyfriend? Is Steve going to follow her to Boston? What’s he going to do there? I think there’s a reason most St4ncy fics I’ve read either focus on the immediate aftermath of S4 or flash far into the future.)

And, yeah, Jopper doesn’t have the logistical problems (imminent or eventual) of the teen/YA ships, and I think they enjoy each other’s company and work well together for the bulk of the series, plus they have the kids in common, but I really hate how rude and dismissive he is to her in S3. It’s so jarring how they play that for comedy after Lonnie spends S1 gaslighting Joyce so he could exploit Will’s death and using her mental health struggles to scare Jonathan into not telling her about the demogorgon. And not to defend Lonnie but at least he didn’t know that shit was real (unless certain theories are true). I end up just kind of ignoring their S3 dynamic tbh.

[bisexualchrissycunningham]

Chrissy wants to have SEX!! I’m also intrigued by monster hunting stali.

Ha, I didn't get too far with the former idea, but basically, it's an established relationship and Chrissy announces she wants them to have sex for the first time. Here's a lil excerpt:

“I mean, I’m the one who should be nervous.”

“How do you figure?”

“Well, Jason was my only–you know. He’s the only person I’ve ever been with, and I’ve already told you what it was like with him.” She’s staring up at him with her wide doe eyes, so open to him. 

He frowns. “But–You’re not worried it will be like–like that, right? That I’d be like him?”“No! Of course not. I know you, Eddie. I trust you. More than anyone I’ve ever–I just meant–you make me feel things he never did. You make me feel safe to ask for things. To like things, to want them. And that’s, it’s amazing. But scary. It’s really scary to be so–” She falters, not finding the words. She just meets his eyes again, imploring him to understand.

And I'm gonna give you a peak at monster hunting Stali too, cause maybe it'll give me the motivation to finish it up and finally add something to the Stali tag. Kali showed up in Hawkins post-S4 to deal with the fallout.

Weeks of Kali's inscrutable sidelong glances, raised eyebrows and stubborn silence, and he'd only managed to provoke a laugh from her once–when Dustin convinced her to use her powers to trick Steve into thinking his hair was falling out. His panicked shrieking as he ran into the Henderson living room gave the whole Party the first uncontrollable laughing fit they’d had since the day the sky went dark and all the plants died.  

But he's run out of time to win over the moody girl he'd fallen head over ass in love with within ten minutes of meeting, and now here he is, walking into near-certain death. It’ll probably happen in the most unmanly way possible too, if his past experiences with the Upside Down are a decent precedent.

And in the presence of the hottest and most terrifying woman he's ever known.

Ask me about my WIPs!

[nexus-my-beloved]

Here to help you, bud :

SPOILER WARNINGS FOR S1 - S3 OF SPN !!

1) as far as supernatural : you WILL want at least season 3 before you watch season 4 (where the gay angel of Thursday, castiel, arrives, episode one of season 4) because otherwise the first episode will be very confusing (theres the main gist below, but I'd prefer you watch it, as S1-S3 are the heart of spn in my eyes)! You can probably get by without watching the first few seasons, but I wouldn't really recommend it, you'd miss some of the things that shape the characters in the beginning, but if you still want to skip it, here's the quick rundown:

Supernatural surrounds the story of two brothers, Sam and Dean Winchester, and originally starts out as the two going to find their dad who has been off on a trip hunting monsters for a few days that has not come home! The brothers were raised with hunting by their father after their mother was killed by a demon, so while they follow clues to find their dad, they help people with other creatures and save lives! To do this, Sam was picked up from his college life at Stanford that his family wasn't the happiest about him going to, and he has problems with their father because of it, so it'll lead to fights. Eventually they find their dad, but he's not the most helpful, because he tries to leave pretty quick again, hunting the "yellow eyed demon" that killed the boys' mom! Eventually, they end up fighting together, end in a car crash, end s1. S2 John (their dad) leaves the picture, Sam and Dean continue on, and Sam realizes he has psychic powers due to being fed the yellow eyed demon's blood as a baby! Sam spends the season trying to help people with these visions he gets, he discovers other people that are psychic like him, and eventually, he gets put in a fight to the death, only one psychic allowed to live. He dies, Dean makes a deal with a demon to save him, and now Dean has a year to live before a hellhound comes to kill him and take his soul to hell. End s2. S3, Dean is careless with his life, and Sam tries to find a way to fight the contract on Dean's life! Along the way comes a demon named Ruby and a demon named Lilith, and Ruby seems helpful! She tries to help the boys! Lilith, however, tries to kill them, and it is during a final fight that Dean's contract is up, a hellhound killing him and taking his soul to be tortured in hell, whereas Sam's psychic abilities save him from Lilith's attempt to kill him! End s3. S4 begins with Dean crawling out of his grave, not a scratch on him, except for a handprint burnt onto his shoulder from a certain angel.

2) good omens !!

Good omens s1 isn't really sad at all! It's lovely, really. Season 2, however, depends on how well you handle sadness and how attached you get to the characters. It is very sad, I didn't cry, but I do almost cry thinking about it later on! It's not exactly a heat of the moment sadness for me, just so long as you don't think too hard on it while it's fresh in your head, you'll be okay.

I HOPE THIS HELPS AND THAT IT WASNT TOO LONG !! :))

I WISH YOU LUCK IN ENJOYING THE SHOWS

tumblr if i wanted to just watch the gay seasons what season does the angel boy show up in Supernatural. how much backstory do i need to see the angel boy. do i need to watch all the seasons b4 angel boy shows up HELP

also, while i have you. good omens; i've heard that its sad. is it bawl in your room-can not watch in public becuse you will cry levels of sad? or is this i can suck the tears back up into my eyelids type sad

this is not a joke post i am dead serouis can anyone explain in breif detail the supernatrual show's plot before the angel shows up so i don't gotta watch it thank you

[mermaid-trash]

Russian Into Love - Pt 1

Pairing: Alexei x fem!reader

A/n: (pls ignore the pun title, it was meant to be just a working title but I can’t think of anything better 😭) soooo this is the first part to a slow burn fake dating/marriage thing that I’ve had in my head since watching s3 of Stranger Things, I’m gonna be playing fast and loose with canon and idek if the s4 plot will be in this buuut I’m having fun writing it :)) pls feel free to comment and tell me what you think bc I personally love this and I want you all to love it too ❤️

(All Russian translations were taken directly from google translate so pls don’t attack me, attack mr google instead)

Wordcount: 2.9k

You were certain that you were going to lose your mind. It had been days since you had really looked at the sky, watched the clouds roll by like passing trains, and you were convinced that another day spent staring at the same faded floral wallpaper would be the death of you.

“Y’know, Murray, I’ve been thinking…” You began tentatively, not raising your eyes from the gossip magazine you had been pretending to read for quite some time.

“Sounds dangerous. Try not to do it again.” Murray dismissed without even looking up from the book he was wasting away his own time with. Ignoring his quip, you continued as though uninterrupted.

“I think we should go to California with Joyce and the kids.”

The idea had been playing on your mind for days, ever since you had learned that Hopper was gone. And after 4 days hiding in a motel room with Murray and the quiet Russian scientist, you were desperate for any opportunity to get out and as far away from these four walls as possible. Murray’s head snapped up from the book he was reading in the old armchair in the corner of the room, and Alexei’s eyes left the TV playing Loony Tunes to watch the conversation in interest.

“Oh? And why’s that?” Murray asked, his voice tinged with the familiar condescension that you had come to expect from him.

“Well, first off, if we have to stay in this motel much longer I think I might snap and start killing people. Secondly,” your tone softened slightly, “I’m worried about Joyce, and I think we should try to be close by.”

As Murray pondered your words, Alexei watched you both patiently while waiting for a translation. Murray knew as well as you did that with everything that had happened in the Starcourt mall and the subterranean Russian lab, Joyce had a lot to deal with right now, and while you both knew that she was capable of looking after herself, you just couldn’t stand the idea of her moving away on her own.

“As much as I may agree with you, we can’t go anywhere until Alexei’s green card situation is resolved.” Murray argued eventually.

“в чем дело?” [What’s going on?] Alexei asked, but before Murray could respond to him, you continued.

“Yeah, well, there is an easy way to deal with that. If Alexei wants to.” You said, and Murray’s head snapped up to look at you in obvious surprise.

It wasn’t the first time the idea had been brought up; Murray had mentioned marriage as a solution to Alexei’s citizenship situation on the very first day of your captivity, but it had been dismissed quickly because finding someone to marry Alexei would prove difficult, perhaps even impossible. So, Murray had moved his attention onto finding other ways to solve the problem, whereas you had been unable to stop thinking about it; it was such a simple solution, you were willing and as long as Alexei was too, you could soon see the other side of the motel room door.

“There is. Are you volunteering?” Murray asked with a cocked eyebrow.

“If it gets us out of this room, sure.” You replied, crossing your arms across your chest determinedly and trying to ignore the nervous pounding in your chest.

Murray’s gaze fixed on your face only intensified, his eyes narrowing as he regarded you closely from behind tinted glasses.

“I don’t think you’re taking this as seriously as you should be. Marriage is a big deal for most people, you know.” He explained with a frustratingly soft look on his features.

Wordlessly, you stood from your spot on the garish floral bedding and crossed the room to peer through a crack in the blinds. Both men watched you as you made a show of peering from left to right across the mostly empty car park.

“Nope, just as I thought, there’s no queue of men waiting for my hand in marriage.” You sighed dramatically and flopped back down on the bed, while Murray scoffed at your dramatics.

“Murray, что она сказала?” [Murray, what did she say?] Alexei asked again, and this time Murray answered.

“она предложила выйти за тебя замуж из-за грин-карты. и она хочет переехать в Калифорнию.” [She offered to marry you for your green card. And she wants to move to California.] He explained, and Alexei’s head spun quickly to stare at you, eyes wide behind his glasses.

“если мы поженимся, я стану гражданином США?” [If we marry, I’ll be an American citizen?] Alexei spoke, his eyes never leaving you.

You toyed anxiously with a loose thread on the bedding while Murray explained your idea to him. Alexei’s approval of this plan was the only thing coming between you and your escape from this room, so while being rejected by him wouldn’t be the biggest hit your ego had ever taken, it would mean staying here for longer. With the man that had rejected you.

“да. но вы также будете женаты на ней.” [Yes. But you’ll also be married to her.] Though you didn’t understand Murray’s words, you couldn’t miss the disdainful tone at the end and so you shot him a venomous look. Alexei looked thoughtful for a moment, still staring at you.

“это было бы не так уж плохо.” [That wouldn’t be so bad.] He said finally, and Murray let out a hearty laugh.

“What’s so funny?” You asked, jaw clenched at the sigh of Murray’s glee.

“He thinks it’s a good idea.” He stated, causing your heart to leap. It had been surprisingly easy for Murray to convince him, you thought absently. “I’m not taking you to buy a wedding dress, though.”

—————————————————

So just a few days later, after what you were sure must be the fastest, most pragmatic wedding ceremony ever held in Hawkins, you, Murray, and your new husband piled into Murray’s van with what few belongings you still had, and set off for California.

You were admittedly beginning to grow nervous about your plan; once you arrived in California, you and Alexei were moving into a small home under the half-correct guise of being a newly-wed couple moving into their first home together, while Murray had found a new base for his own work somewhere nearby. The nervous pit that bubbled in your chest had nothing to do with the prospect of living with Alexei, you had been living with him in that horrid motel room for over a week at this point and despite the close quarters, he had been a wonderful roommate. Instead, your nerves were flaring up the idea of being caught in the ruse you had agreed to live in for the forseeable future. Or at least, until Alexei met someone he wanted to really marry.

But as you watched the scientist eagerly watching the scenery go with his forehead practically pressed against the windows of the van, you felt your worries fade a little. His smile was infectious, and just existing around him was easy, as natural as breathing. Not to mention the fact that his English was improving steadily; faster than your Russian, luckily.

Just then, Alexei turned towards you and caught you staring. His face split into an ecstatic grin that you couldn’t prevent your own from mirroring.

“это так…тепло.” [It’s so…warm.] He said with a small chuckle, gesturing out of the window.

Even though you didn’t understand his words, his joy was simple and genuine, and you couldn’t stop yourself from grinning along with him. You didn’t even realise you had been staring at him until Murray coughed pointedly, drawing both of your attentions to him.

“Now, I know that this is all very exciting, but you two need to remember that to your neighbours, and friends, and coworkers, and everyone except for me and Joyce, you two are married.” Murray reminded for the hundredth time, enunciating his words with annoying precision as though you were rowdy children. He glanced past you at Alexei, and translated. “Вы должны вести себя так, как будто вы на самом деле женаты. Понять?” [You have to act like you’re actually married. Understand?]

With a glance in your direction, Alexei nodded. Murray turned his gaze on you, one eyebrow raised in that universally understood question: well? You huffed, avoiding his gaze.

“Yeah, sure. Are you gonna give me strict instructions on how to do that? A list of my wifely duties or something?” You questioned snarkily, and Murray tutted in response.

“No, actually, I thought maybe California might melt that icy heart of yours and you can figure out how to be affectionate on your own.” Ignoring your indignant noise, he continued. “Look, I’m not asking you to consummate this faux marriage, just try not to act like our comrade here repulses you too much.” He explained firmly.

“He doesn’t repulse me.” You replied entirely too quickly. Embarrassed heat flared in your cheeks and you ducked your head in the hopes that Murray would not notice; the chuckle he let out told you that he did notice.

When the van finally pulled into the driveway of your new home, set against the late afternoon sky, you hopped out of the back of the van excitedly. It was a relatively small two-story house, with houses on either side that looked like the epitome of suburbia; beige buildings with pristine gardens, even complete with a white picket fence. The mundanity made you want to retch, but instead you focused on your own home and allowed yourself to pretend for a moment that it was real, that it could ever be real for you.

Suddenly, a large hand was in yours, and it raised your hand to Alexei’s lips for him to press a kiss to the back. You stared at him in utter confusion for a second, before he nodded surreptitiously behind him, in the direction of a neighbours house.

In a window at the front of that house, you could see a tanned, blonde woman peering through her curtains, watching your arrival as subtly as she could. Sending her a friendly wave and a smile that you hoped looked genuine, you scoffed lightly.

“Nosy neighbours. Fantastic.” You murmured, mostly to yourself. Alexei watched you with a faint smile, before pulling you eagerly towards your new home.

Together, though no longer holding hands, you explored the house; Alexei was simply delighted by the small pool in the backyard, and you were pleased to find the kitchen already equipped with a fridge and oven. Then you ventured up the stairs and found four doors, behind which were a linen closet, a hideously beige tiled bathroom, and thankfully, two bedrooms, both already furnished with basic double beds.

You glanced at Alexei and he met your gaze with a half smirk, both of you seemingly grateful to not have to share a bed in order to protect your newly-wed image. He entered one of the rooms wordlessly and you entered the other, one with a window overlooking the back yard, and dropped your backpack on the floor at the foot of the bed. You couldn’t help the sigh of relief that slipped past your lips; all things considered, the house was nice. Murray had really showed you some mercy with the two bedrooms, too. You had almost been expecting him to make this as uncomfortable as possible, just to spite you for being a constant thorn in his side.

“Alright, lovebirds, I’m leaving!” Murray called up the stairs, and you stepped out onto the landing to see him standing at the bottom of the staircase.

“Wait, we don’t have any groceries and I’m starving, you’re leaving me here without food on my wedding night?” You asked in faux incredulity, to which Murray rolled his eyes.

“There’s a flyer for a pizza place by the front door, will that be adequate for the blushing bride?” He asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” You waved off his snide comment with a dismissive scoff. “You’re coming back tomorrow though, right?”

“Yes, I’m coming back tomorrow to take you and loverboy to buy a car. Hopefully, that’ll stop you from bugging me to take you places.” Murray replied with another roll of his eyes.

Before you could respond with a quip of your own, Alexei stepped out of his bedroom and onto the landing beside you. He and Murray exchanged words in quick fire Russian, before Alexei nodded, and brushed past you with a gentle smile into the bathroom.

“I just told your dearly beloved to be ready to go at 10am tomorrow. You’d better not make me wait.” Murray explained, waving a finger at you as though you were a naughty child.

“Would I do that?” You asked as innocently as you could, fighting back a smile as Murray began to walk away.

“You would and you have, repeatedly. Don’t make me leave you behind.” His final warning, only intended half jokingly, rang out as the sound of the front door closing signalled Murray’s departure.

Breathing out a slight chuckle, you tried to ignore the ache in your chest that already missed Murray and his quick wit; although you had always argued with him and seemingly done everything within your power to irritate him, you and he both knew that it was all in good fun. After years spent alone, you both had found verbal sparring partners within each other, and the few short years you had lived with him had been the happiest that you could remember.

You remained in place on the landing, absorbed in your thoughts, until the sound of running water reminded you of Alexei’s presence in the bathroom. The realisation that he was there, just on the other side of the dark wooden door beside you, and presumably about to shower, sent a cold jolt though your veins and before you could think about it you were darting away from the bathroom door and bolting down the stairs as quickly as you could.

Since your living room was totally devoid of furniture, you elected to sit outside in the back yard beneath the late afternoon sun as it slowly dipped towards the horizon. Lying on your back on the warm ground, you kicked off your shoes and allowed your feet to dangle in the pool, relishing in the coolness of the water around your ankles as you gently kicked your feet. With your eyes closed, you allowed yourself a single moment of peace and serenity before what you were certain would be a busy week, with your new house to be fully stocked and decorated.

The only thing that signalled Alexei’s arrival by your side was the shadow that he cast over your face, the sudden darkness prompting your eyes to open. He stood, towering above you, with damp curls and that same cheery smile across his face.

For an evil genius Russian scientist, he sure does look friendly, you found yourself thinking.

“Hi,” You said, peering up at him as a smile began to unfurl across your own face.

“Hello.” He said, his accent distorting the word slightly.

Carefully, he lowered himself to sit on the ground beside you, his own feet dangling in the pool beside yours. For a moment he was silent, and you attempted to settle back into the peaceful moment you had found just before, until you were again disrupted by a gentle prod to your cheek.

You opened your eyes to see Alexei, now propped up on an elbow so that he was almost lying beside you, holding a flyer in front of your face. After some squinting, you recognised it as the pizza place flyer Murray had mentioned, for a place called Surfer Boy Pizza.

“You’re hungry?” You asked, tilting your head up towards him. He nodded.

“Da.”

“Alright,” you replied, happy with the simple exchange, and unfolded the flyer to read the menu, “let’s order something then.”

As you were reading through the topping options, Alexei leaned further down over you to point a finger at one of the pictures on the flyer, a picture of a fresh, greasy, pepperoni pizza.

“Say?” He said, looking down at you intently.

As you looked back up at Alexei, his face was cast in shadow from the late afternoon sun behind him, making his features difficult to make out clearly, but you were fairly certain that he was staring intently at your lips. You froze, fixed in place by his watchful gaze. The whole world seemed to stand still for a long moment before you regained the ability to speak.

“P-pizza?” The word came out as a question, and heat flared in your cheeks as he grinned.

“Pizza.” He repeated.

Oh. The pronunciation.

“Y-yeah, pizza.” You repeated, breathing a slight sigh of relief when he finally turned his attention away from you again. “Um. Okay.”

You rose shakily to your feet, the flyer trembling in your grip.

“I-I’m gonna, uh, just, um, go? Inside? And…order pizza? Yeah, um…okay.” And with that, you darted back into the house without a glance back at the man sitting, looking very confused, at the edge of the pool.

The cool indoor air did nothing to soothe the burning in your cheeks after your unbelievably awkward exit, though it was a relief to no longer have Alexei staring at you. The memory of his attention focused so intently on you made you want to curl up in a ball; it had been as though he was the first person to ever truly look at you, and it had made you feel vulnerable in a way you hadn’t in a long time, not even with Murray.

Before you could allow your thoughts to delve too far into what that could mean, you snatched the phone from the receiver and punched in the number with more force than strictly necessary.

[mc-critical]

Could you do a personality reading/analysis on Nurbanu? Her development, crucial points in her story. Also, do you think she truly loved Selim or only cared about becoming a Haseki and then working towards becoming Valide Sultan? Early S4, we see her asking Canfeda if Selim is going to become Sultan, which raises the question if she was plotting for her own benefit or actually fell for Selim?

I find Nurbanu to be a character ripe with personality, despite that she only has a single season of material. Just like with Selim, or perhaps even more so, I find what was done with her fascinating. She's the second character that follows the general pattern of a "SOW" arc and it's interesting to see how much she parralels and differs from that arc.

While Hürrem starts out on the ship that was going to the Ottoman castle, we meet Nurbanu already there, standing right in front of the doors outside; sharing the same fate as the others next to her, yet it looks like she's entering there like an external witnesser of a whole other culture. But she hasn't forgotten who she is. She's used to a fairly calm life she looks very much proud of, the life of a Venetian noble woman with dignity and pride, and that is suddenly snatched all away from her. She justifiably resents those that have done this to her. She wasn't willing to go through the harem life at first, so she wanted to take her own life. I feel this comes from her genuine hopelessness that overtook her in the beggining, the situation she was in might have been way too much for her. After all, she isn't faced solely with a sense of lost identity, her current position in the harem is the exact opposite of what she was meant to do before. But after she was saved by Selim, it was perhaps then she decided to fight and survive in her curcumstances.

That said, while it may be result of her more condensed development, I always remain surprised of how fast Nurbanu found out what exactly she had to do to go on top. Maybe I shouldn't, since part of her motivation may come from not only her natural instincts, but also her will to return to the closest equivalent of her previous position once again, but the way she orients herself, how quickly she tends to react, the way she decides exactly how to act following both instinct and logic. I really like that about her. She reacts so well in tense situations, knowing which buttons to push to get the wanted effect in all her interactions with Hürrem, Selim, Canfeda, etc. It's telling of how much one particular event can change a person, opening up traits and qualities one may not have previously demonstrated. And for me, Nurbanu is one of the best examples of this.

Her "tertiary character trait" is very unique for the show, and overall: her ability to read the stars is amazing on its own and should be more appreciated, but the way it complements her character makes it even better. It's like a consitent guide for her: whether she's going on the right direction. And when she sees she's supported by fate itself, she gets even more of a push to rise up in the hierarchy and pull a victory. I loved the scenes where she went out to see the stars and where she told Hürrem of her future - they establish a lot about her. I only wish we saw even more of it. (I feel that ability of Nurbanu's works pretty well in a thematic way, as well: it enforces even more strongly that times/eras change, just like the positions of the stars change. And the motif of changing eras is major for her future conflict with Hürrem and the SOW, as a whole.)

Nurbanu also has a very psychological side of hers that was key in helping her realize what exactly Selim needed to get the motivation necessary to fight for the throne. She so often understood what exactly he needed and what had to be done, making her a voice of reason for him that could give him her word of advice. And that evolved even more as time went on: first she helped him to stand on his feet, then both of them made plans on how to get further ahead in the game, in conjunction with her own rise in the hierarchy. Even her provocations (mostly towards Huricahan, but Hürrem too later on) seemed more intentional than anything even when they weren't. Most of the time, she knew where to hit and what to say.

Even though she had a tendency to work more alone and had the intention to rise to power from the start (similarly to Hürrem), I think she fell for Selim. Wanting power, knowing what you need to do to get it and still caring for the person next to you that advances your power aren't mutually exclusive things, especially not in that time period. Maybe all Nurbanu felt for Selim was gratitude for saving him at first, but when she went to Manisa, she did come to love him eventually. She felt jealousy anytime he touched other women and always strived to comfort him in his problems and I don't think it's solely out of manipulation, knowing the core of her arc.

For me the major goal of Nurbanu's character development, her gaining more agency to fight her way to become Valide Sultan aside, was her slowly and mostly letting go of any possible scruple left in her in order to win- letting go of her more human side. We see in many instances in S04A that there's much humanity left in her and sometimes she isn't ready to do cruel stuff, even if asked to and no matter how much she wanted to adapt, she didn't realize how far exactly did she have to go to achieve her goals until a certain point. Because Nurbanu is a very patient character that goes more "one step at a time" in Manisa. She's focused on one certain aspect of the goal that contributes to the bigger victory: first it was to go to Manisa, then to win Selim over, then to make sure no one stands in the way, then to help him get advantage, then to grow herself, then help him defeat Bayezid, then erase the obstacle of Defne, as well, to become Valide, with little to no break in between. And sometimes both her own mistakes (like beating up Huricihan) and the system's cruelty (like Mustafa's death) tend to surprise her and go to paths she didn't expect to go otherwise.

I summarized most of the major story beats in her development (and talked a bit more about her in general) here, but I'll delve into them more. Her relationship with Hürrem demonstrates the best of Nurbanu coming into her own. It's not to be denied that Hürrem was the one who gave her a head start with giving her the name and sending her to Selim's sanjack, Nurbanu's arc began with her being loyal to someone else. But she's just as brave, ambitious and determined as Hürrem and for that reason their paths were always meant to separate. Nurbanu wanted for her own time to come, not to be bound by someone else, hence she isn't one that would blindly follow orders. From the beggining she had her own compass and instincts she would follow and that slowly made her clash with Hürrem, who envisioned Nurbanu as someone loyal to her first and foremost. The distance also helped in separating them, with them only sending letters to each other, when Hürrem was doing her own thing in Topkapi, while Nurbanu - in Manisa, both working for different goals entirely. The first challange of her loyalty she faced was also connected to her humanity, to the demise of someone close to her. Even though she obeyed the order (albeit more accidentally), she swore not to repeat it again and her remaining loyal was put at doubt right then and there. But what sealed the deal was Huricihan, where I feel Nurbanu got completely disappointed at Hürrem not wanting to cover for her, which is why she put out that ultimatum in the first place.  Even then Nurbanu was surprised to detach from her completely, even though the hints were there before. I don't think she truly expected for Hürrem not to support what she worked for with Selim in the end, because it was only natural for Nurbanu to help him fight, not only preventing and covering his mistakes. Turning against Hürrem was more of a necessity for Nurbanu - she knew where she came from, but she was ready to fight for her position, even if it meant fighting against Hürrem herself. She was careful enough with her before they became full on enemies, though- she asked her for help when Selim messed up in Topkapi, she was reporting to her about the progress in Manisa, she showed the necessary respect for Hürrem. But that appeared to be over when she stole the ring, the symbolic demonstration that now, the power is in Nurbanu's hands - that's the truth and that's the future, no need to lean on the past anymore. And it's the main thing she would capitalize on now.

Her humanity shone most in two personal aspects of hers: her relation to Nazenin and her fight with Dilşah.

Her relation to Nazenin is probably the clearest showcase of her old ways she's still letting go of. Once they arrived in the harem, Nazenin seemed to adapt way faster; their dynamic changed to a point they were already on equal ground, something Nurbanu isn't used to and doesn't take very well, as a result. When Nazenin is the one supposed to go to Manisa instead of her, Nurbanu didn't like it, either, and wanted to be the one to take that chance instead of her. And when they reunited, they had to deal with the difference in their changed positions much more openly, with "fighting" about who's superior. It's like their dynamic changed in the blink of an eye and it's moments like these where Nurbanu shows her remaining pride to people in front of her, because seeing a person in a lower position before being elevated as highly as her, no matter how much she would care about her, wounds the pride she once had as a noble woman and that was on her way to keep going on. Even then she certainly didn't want for Nazenin to die and her death was about the last fraction of Nurbanu's past going away and the first step of her human side going away, too. Despite their strained relationship, Nurbanu lost a close person who's been with her from the beggining in this game. [Nurbanu and Nazenin have their share of parallels with Hürrem and Gülnihal: both pairs were together from the start and were forced to stand against each other through an order (though for Nurbanu and Nazenin that wasn't the entirety of it), both Nazenin and Gülnihal wanted to gain their agency and became understandably proud of what they've gained and both Hürrem and Nurbanu were against that and did something to them that put that kind of conflict to an end. Nazenin could also be the "Leo" to Nurbanu in terms of the past to an extent.]

Her dynamic with Dilşah, while mostly being a fight for Selim we knew Nurbanu was going to win, caused another human side of Nurbanu to go away - her bringing a dog in the harem and that dog ending up killed by Dilşah. (similarly to Valide killing Hürrem's horse, which played a role in comforting her during the Isabella arc.) That strongly implied that Nurbanu had a soft spot for animals and that she had a warm, caring side, contrasted with her otherwise cold and pragmatic nature. The killing of the dog, done solely to hurt her, helped to further enforce that coldness and pragmatism and went against any attachment, because perhaps such attachment would only render you vulnerable. 

But Mustafa's death was the turning point of Nurbanu's arc, just like with Selim. It sealed even further the path of no return when she saw something she doubted was ever possible ("can a father kill his son?") and while she has "played dirty" before, now the methods she was slowly developing were even more assured. It's like she and Selim had to become unscrupulous at all costs.

In spite of her plans working almost everytime, she has definetly acted irrationally and that is a part of her pride. She acted against Huricihan mostly out of sheer pride and she wouldn't allow for someone to challange her position, even rightfully. That ounce of pride doesn't consume her, however, and doesn't go in the way of her plans, and even if it does, she can turn things around in her favor, like with her part in Huricihan's death.

In the end, Nurbanu has reached a point where she is fixated on her own power and victory at hand, mostly discarding anything else. She looked like a very strict mother the moments we saw her as one - wanting the best for Murad and keeping an eye on who he interacts with. She's developed a huge perceptiveness and sensitivity of future threats that extended to Defne and fixed on Safiye - I feel she realized she would be a danger later down the line during their scene together, even if we leave alone her being raised and gifted by Mihrimah. She may not have expected the amount of Safiye's growing power and influence and that may have caused her to be drastic. We're meant to believe through Safiye's words that Nurbanu became crueler as a Valide Sultan, but that could be coupled by both her development and Safiye's own distinct view on Nurbanu. She probably used means similar to both Ayşe Hafsa and S04 Hürrem.

I see Canfeda as Nurbanu's guide in the Manisa harem itself that also helped her in quite a few ways. But they always came to work more as a unit, considering what is best for Selim and the future in that moment. Both of them are smart, quite opportunistic and dedicated to what they do, that's why they complement each other so well. Canfeda, similarly to Nigar, saw Nurbanu's potential to elevate, but still insisted on following the harem tradition when it was needed. (like with Selim's concubines) Nurbanu seemed really eager to learn from her. They had soft spots for each other, but the quickly changing circumstances they were in didn't allow for many "heart to heart" moments.

[babygirl06301]

When Did Dean Fall In Love With Cas?

tl;dr: S11

I’ve wanted to talk about this since the show ended and the Spanish dub that broke Tumblr came out. So, when did Dean Winchester fall in love with Castiel?

This is entirely my opinion of course, and I know there are some people that will say it was right away or that it never happened at all, but I wanted to put my thoughts out there so other people could tell me their thoughts, too. I’ll probably get off on some tangents here and there, so feel free to send me any Destiel thoughts you’ve got.

Also, it’s worth noting that, to me, there’s a difference between falling in love and actually being in love. I mean, if you’ve fallen in love with someone, every point in your relationship has been a stepping stone to that point, so I guess it’s all abstract, but still. Hence, S11 being my answer to this question.

Keep in mind I’m doing this without the benefit of a recent rewatch, so I may miss some behaviors from Dean that would change a few things.

Warning: sappy stuff ahead; read at your own risk (also crappy images).

S4-5

I don’t think it’s that big of a secret that Dean attached himself to Cas, like, right away. I mean, the dude never talks about his emotions, and yet, it took eight episodes of Cas being around for Dean to break down in front of him and talk about his fears. It’s almost like you could say that’s because they were always meant to fall for each other.

However, I don’t really the think the process of falling in love with Cas had started yet. I do think that Dean cared about Cas, but I don’t think it was anything extremely special. Reason being: it was the literal end times and Dean didn’t have that type of time. That, and I think there’s something to be said for being raised a certain way and believing certain things about yourself that affects how long it takes for you to notice that something has changed. So, yeah. I don’t think Cas had been around long enough at this point for Dean to start feeling anything more than kinship with him.

That’s not to say, though, that Dean didn’t subconsciously find Cas hot or get the warm fuzzies sometimes because:

I mean, come on.

S6-7

So, this era is weird because I do think something had begun to change in how Dean saw Cas, but I don’t think he got to fully begin the process of falling in love with him because: a.) Cas betrayed them and b.) Sam’s head was broken.

I’m gonna say something rude now: I think a lot of the Destiel moments in the beginning of S6 were born of Dean needing Castiel’s abilities as an angel and not of needing Cas. For example, Dean calling on Cas to help with the Staff of Moses or with Soulless!Sam. He was usually pretty demanding and sometimes curt with Cas and got irritable when Cas couldn’t help.

However, I think that Cas always being there despite his battle in Heaven began to shift Dean’s feelings toward him. I do think this change was almost imperceptible, but you can see Dean showing more and more concern for Cas as S6 progresses. Like this:

This is the primary reason I think Dean got so defensive of Cas when Bobby and Sam started suggesting that Cas was working with Crowley. It’s also why he got so hurt when he found out that Bobby and Sam were right.

Here’s my super abstract and vague take on it: he’d started feeling romantic emotions for Cas, but as soon as Cas’s betrayal was revealed, it got replaced with pain. Basically, Dean almost started to fall for Cas in S6, and then the Purgatory storyline interrupted it.

And then Cas died. Which didn’t help.

Here we enter S7, which has fuck all for Destiel content beyond the first two episodes—until Cas comes back. I know some people are going to say not to gloss over the trench coat thing, and fair enough. I think the keeping of the trench coat was akin to Dean trying to hold onto what he did feel for Cas, obviously not consciously. Almost as though Dean could tell he’d lost something special when Cas died, and not just in losing Cas, but in losing part of himself, a part that he didn’t know existed yet. I don’t consider the trench coat to be a sign that Dean was falling in love with Cas but a sign that he was about to or that he could’ve. Is that weak? Whatever.

Now, I do think that some shit got shaken loose when Dean saw Cas again because, for all intents and purposes, he should’ve been pissed. But instead he was... whatever this is:

I still, more or less, think that he was too preoccupied with Sam to really begin falling in love with Cas. I think that’s clear to see in how he treated Cas after he came back into the story for the final battle with the Leviathan. He did give the whole “I’d rather have you” speech, but all the stuff before that was more along the lines of “Nobody cares that you’re broken, Cas! Clean up your mess!” So, yeah.

S8

Okay, so this is where the Purgatory stuff comes in. In the words of the great John Mulaney, “we don’t have time to unpack all of that,” but this is where I believe Dean started falling in love with Cas.

Dean told Sam that Purgatory felt pure because he could only focus on the fight at all times... but he still had the emotional availability to worry about and search for Cas, so...

If I had to pick an exact moment, I’d say somewhere around here:

And thus, rather than just keeping a trench coat when he lost Cas, Dean literally rewired his own memories because he would rather think that he left Cas behind than think that Castiel chose to leave him.

From here, we can start seeing Dean paying attention to Cas more, noticing when he’s not being himself, and more than that, worrying about him in a more personal way. For instance, when Dean insists that Cas talk to him about what’s bothering him in “Hunteri Heroici.” Not to mention, Dean becomes a lot more emotionally vulnerable regarding his feelings for Cas. One example would be when he insists that he didn’t abandon Cas in Purgatory. Another would be, of course:

I would also mark this season as the season Dean’s prayers to Cas become more emotional and, at times, cathartic, as though he’s confiding in Cas. In “Remember the Titans,” for example, Dean prays to Cas to ask him to look out for Sam; the scene reads like Dean is asking for help but is, in equal measure, asking for Cas. This is also the first season an adversary pokes at Dean and Cas’s relationship in a way that specifically targets Dean and his feelings about Cas rather than Cas’s feelings about Dean as it had been before; this would be when Naomi says “You’re hoping Castiel will return to you.”

S9-S10

Well, these seasons are complicated to say the least because of Gadreel and the Mark of Cain. I don’t think, at this point, Dean ever stops feeling what he’s feeling for Cas. However, I do think that a lot of the hiccups throughout S9 and S10 made Dean step away from those feelings.

Of course, Dean is still stressing about Cas 24/7 in the beginning of S9 what with Cas being human, Cas being hunted, Cas dying, Cas working at a Gas-n-Sip—you know, drama. I think when Gadreel said that Cas needed to stay away if Dean wanted Sam to be healed, Dean had to let what he was feeling for Cas go—not that that means he stopped feeling it, mind you. No, I don’t think Dean consciously went, “Well, guess I’m done falling for this dude,” but I think he knew somewhere in his heart that it wasn’t the time.

Now, the Mark of Cain. The storyline that put the characters down on the page once and left them stagnant and unchanging until it was resolved. Now, as you might imagine, slowly turning into a demon that wants nothing but death would put a damper on any relationship. Finding Destiel in the B season for S9 and throughout S10 is hard. Especially on Dean’s end. 

There are moments when you can tell that Dean’s feelings for Cas are still there, and I would say, developing slowly, like the cheeseburger date. Probably the biggest Destiel moment in the entire Mark of Cain stretch is when Dean nearly kills Cas but resists, despite the Mark’s hold on him.

That’s really it, though. No backwards movement, but barely anything trending the opposite way, either.

S11

This is the Big Season™, the one I believe Dean fell in love with Cas in. Now, obviously, it isn’t like Dean lost the Mark, and boom, fell in love with Cas. Plus, there’s the whole pull-to-Amara thing. However, I don’t think falling in love necessarily has to be a big moment; I think it can just happen, and I think that’s what happened with Dean. At some point between the start of this season and Cas being released from Lucifer’s possession, Dean fell in love with Cas.

That being said—if I was really reaching for a moment—I wouldn’t say it happened during a happy scene. I’d say Dean fell in love with Cas when he lost him.

I know that sounds weird, that Dean didn’t fall in love with Cas completely until he realized Cas had been possessed by Lucifer, but in my head, it fits. I think it’s because Dean is so emotionally closed off and tries not to let his emotions show if he can help it that it took knowing that Cas was gone for that last switch to flip in his heart.

So, now Dean is in love with Cas, but Cas is Lucifer. I’d say this has something to do with the fact that, even though Dean is supposed to be attached to Amara, he still calls out for Cas even though Amara is right in front of him.

Considering the fact that Cas comes back in the literal last episode—at least, that’s when Dean realizes he’s back—there isn’t a whole hell of a lot of time to see how being in love with Cas has changed Dean. We do get the “you’re our brother, Cas” scene, but seeing as how that’s pretty inconsistent with everything that comes afterward, let’s just chalk that one up to bad writing and/or Dean being dense.

S12

Alright, so my post should be done, yeah? I’ve answered the question I’ve set out to answer. However, there’s still more to talk about here. When did Dean first sense that what he felt for Cas was different? When did he have an inclination that it was romantic? When did he know for sure?

That’s why we’re here in S12. Now, S12 is the most Destiel-heavy season in the entire series. In my opinion, while it does have many of the best Destiel scenes, it doesn’t have the best Destiel scene. However, as far as number of moments, S12 takes it.

This is where we really get to see how being in love with Cas has changed Dean. Realistically, I think this has a lot to do with S12 being the beginning of the Dabb era because this era marked a change in tone for both Castiel’s character and his relationship with Dean. Dean began to worry about Cas a lot more frequently and, as a result, got mad at him a lot more, too. I see S12 as the season that Dean moved away from simply being worried about losing Cas to being terrified of losing Cas. And that translated into anger any time Castiel put himself in danger. For example, killing Billie. Any other time, the threat of losing Cas translated itself into fear, like when Cas nearly died from being stabbed with the Lance of Michael.

Of course, the mixtape is also in this season, which is another example of how being in love with Cas has affected Dean. I could probably make an entirely seperate and very long post regarding Destiel in S12, but the general idea is that Dean’s newly found love for Cas made a big difference in how he treated Cas.

S13

Alright, S13 stands outs to me because I believe this is when Dean first realized that Cas meant something more to him than a friend and that he felt differently about him than he did about his family. Again, I don’t think that Dean actually thought those exact words, but I think his heart knew them to be true even if he mind didn’t. Reason being: Cas had just died. Which is the first time Castiel has died since Dean fell in love with him. Dean knew he needed Cas, in a way he hadn’t really realized it before. Which is why he demands that Chuck bring him back.

Then Cas comes back, and it’s like Dean forgets what hopelessness and misery are because Cas is his “big win.” After this, honestly, there isn’t much else by way of emotional development for Dean regarding Cas, but I see that as a good thing. It’s a sign that, though Dean hasn’t realized it yet, being in love with Cas is comfortable for him. There are still expressions of concern for Cas’s wellbeing throughout the season, but mostly, we just get to see Dean be content with Cas.

S14

Alright, S14 a.) mostly saw Dean’s feelings much in the same place as they were in S13 and b.) just kidding because Dean tells Cas that he’s dead to him in this season.

To be fair, if we’re talking Destiel, there’s more of it on Castiel’s end this season than there is on Dean’s because Dean is dealing with Michael. There are a couple moments that stand out to me as moments where Dean’s love for Cas comes through: when Cas asks Dean if his plan to trap himself in the Ma’lak Box means that they’re supposed to say goodbye and when Dean confides in Cas about how he’s handling keeping Michael trapped. In the former scene especially, I think it’s clear to see how much the idea of saying goodbye to Cas affects Dean.

And then we get to “Absence,” which is the episode where Dean tells Cas that he’ll be dead to him if Jack killed Mary. Now, going off on a tangent here to explain how this ties into Dean being in love with Cas, let’s talk about when Dean gets mad at Cas.

When Dean gets mad at Castiel, it’s always out of pain. I think that’s a very unique effect that Cas has on Dean that no one else does, and I believe it’s because Dean gets so overwhelmed with the emotion of betrayal that all he can do is push Cas away. Why a feeling of betrayal? Well, in this case, it’s because Cas knew something was wrong with Jack and didn’t say anything. I think that, as Dean fell more and more in love with Cas, his expectations and feelings for him grew, and because of that, when he feels like he’s been let down by Cas, it turns into rage. 

When Dean walks away from Sam, it’s usually because he’s either worried or angry. With Jack, he walked away because of anger, maybe even disgust. But with Cas, it’s always pain; it’s always because Dean feels like he’s been personally betrayed in a way that has nothing to do with worrying about Cas and everything to do with wanting to hurt Cas back. It’s almost a selfish sort of anger, which is actually a positive for Dean’s character since he rarely puts himself first.

To me, the way Dean gets mad at Cas—especially in S14—is so personal and unique that it serves as proof as to why Dean is in love with Cas. So, even though the “then you’re dead to me” line is so damaging, it’s still a result of Dean loving Cas.

S15

Last season. The hardest season by far, for a lot of reasons. I’m not going to get into the lack of closure the ending of this show gave us in terms of Dean and Castiel, and I’m not going to talk about this final season in conjunction with the Spanish dub—just what I, as an English speaker experienced in canon since that’s what was intended in the final cut—but I will talk about everything else. There’s three episodes/points I’m going to hit with this season, and I’m sure we all know them: “The Rupture,” “The Trap,” and “Despair.”

I’ve already discussed why Dean’s anger points to his being in love with Cas, but I think the important thing to note with “The Rupture” is that Dean still didn’t want to lose Cas, even in the moments when he was hurting Cas and pushing him away.

There’s still a couple questions I’ve asked that I haven’t answered yet, and one of them will be answered with “The Trap.” I think this episode—and really, the moment Cas told him he heard his prayer—marks the first time that Dean considered that his feelings might be romantic. I don’t know how clear those thoughts were or if Dean told himself he was wrong afterward, but I do think that that scene was the beginning of possibility for Dean and Cas. Had they had enough time, they would’ve decided to be together, and that scene is where they both really felt it for the first time—even if they didn’t believe the other felt the same way.

I’ll be honest: I really don’t want to talk about “Despair” because it’ll just make me sad. Alas, there is one question that still needs to be answered: When did Dean know that he was in love with Cas?

When it was already too late. Much like in S11, I think it took Dean losing Cas to realize how he felt about him. The difference here is: I think Dean would’ve realized it regardless; hearing how Cas felt about him and then losing Cas just forced it. Had Cas not died, I don’t believe it would’ve been too long before Dean realized it naturally, and that’s the most frustrating thing about this scene is that Dean didn’t have to learn how he felt through the trauma of losing Cas.

I’m not trying to diminish this scene because, had there been closure—and proper editing—I’d say this scene was the perfect avenue for Castiel’s character to go down because it would mean that, when he came back, he could be with Dean.

Again, I’m not getting into the semantics of the final couple episodes or how they handled Destiel because it’ll just make me mad, but I think Dean realizing he was in love with Cas was just as big of a factor in him seeing himself differently as Cas’s speech was. I think Dean wanted to honor Cas by being the person Castiel saw him as; I think Dean wanted to live as a man worthy of being loved by the man he fell in love with.

Anyway, that’s my take on when Dean Winchester fell in love with Castiel based on what canon gave us. As someone who had been very realistic about the possibility of Destiel over the years and had never truly hoped for it in canon because I knew better, I have never been more convinced that Dean is in love with Castiel as I am now, after the show has ended.

I don’t think I can say I believe he was in love with him all along, but I believe that his story, their story, of falling in love is real and true, however long it may have taken. I’ll never say goodbye to these two, but I’m happy that I can at least walk away from this show knowing that they found each other in the end, even if their ending didn’t do justice to their legacy.

Let me know when you think Dean fell in love Cas or vise versa. I’m curious to know what you see in their relationship. I don’t think I’ll be making a post like this for Castiel because, in my opinion, Cas fell in love with Dean rather quickly—his journey was just realizing what that meant. Anyway, thank you for reading this, and thank you for being a part of this twelve year long love story that is Destiel.

[fandom-hoarder]

Ya see now I'm picturing Fem!Sam and Dean having so much fun with this new body. The curse wears off after a few weeks. They wake up to Sam back in his regular body and they just keep the new relationship going. Jokes here and there how it was easier as a girl because Sam's body self lubricated. But now it's been about 2 months since then, Sam feels sick and they both think it's a cold/flu/stomach bug/anything because of they are constantly on the road.

Let's say this is set during season 3 because I'm a dramatic person and they get a call from Missouri. Firstly getting after Dean for the deal but understanding why and feeling sorry for them. Secondly because she can't believe Sam's pregnant and that the curse isn't fully gone.

See when Sam got whammied by the curse, it had certain conditions. Fertility conditions. Now Sam will always be able to carry for him and Dean.

PERMANENT WOMB SIDE EFFECT?!

Anon, you come into my ask box and feed me like this on Thanksgiving weekend?! omg I'm a glutton.

S3 pregnancy. The angst!

S3 pregnancy could make Dean come around sooner to trying to save his soul from the deal. It puts an even angstier spin on the Doc Benton ep if they still go there. ("So, what, we're going to raise our child as zombies? What the hell do you think that's gonna do to a kid?!")

Omg, but imagine Dean still goes to Hell and comes back s4 and finds out RUBY'S been helping Sam raise their baby. Oh lord.

(Quick aside: if I imagine Sam actually can and does breastfeed, how does imbibing demon blood affect things? Does he refuse demon blood for his child's sake? Or switch to formula and do demon blood anyway? Probably switch. But imagine if Ruby convinced him he didn't need to switch. Imagine Sam and Dean's baby going black eyed and outing Sam's extracurriculars 😱😱😱)

But before he found that out, would Dean be devastated that his brother followed in their father's footsteps--hunting with their child in tow, obsessed with getting revenge for Dean's death? Except no one's seen Sam for ages, so who's been helping Sam out the way all Dad's friends helped him out with babysitting?

Cue the Ruby reveal. Cue breakup arc with a fucking custody battle. Cue Dean getting verbally smacked down by Ellen and Jo for sexism when he goes to them first for baby duty. Oh brain, why?! 😭

...imagine how the angels would use their child and Sam's fertility against them 😱

Make it worse. [Temporary child loss warning]

Imagine Sam gets pregnant again and in that confrontation with Zachariah, instead of taking Sam's lungs he takes Sam's entire womb.

Maybe he does both.

Maybe he leaves the womb but Sam's bleeding out between his legs.

Imagine Sam and Dean having to entrust their friends with babysitting shifts in the panic room to keep their child safe from angelic or demonic kidnappers.

But wait, let's rewind.

Let's say Missouri does call them with the surprising news, and also has information to help them break Dean's deal. Somehow they get Dean out of the deal and they both get to live. Sam works with Missouri to strengthen his psychic powers and keep his family safe.

But this results in more boyking!Sam cultists coming around for them. Sam's ability to get pregnant is some kind of sign of his coming, and there are subsets that try to kidnap their baby for worship. There are also Lucifer followers still trying to fulfill their plan, wanting to kidnap the baby for leverage or sacrifice.

Sam and Dean always manage to defeat them, but it feels like they can never rest. When Bobby builds the panic room, he suggests they leave their daughter (ok, I'm deciding they have a daughter. She's almost 2!) in his care for a weekend and recuperate/have a honeymoon.

It's when they find out that Sam's pregnant again that the angels make themselves known.

[possiblyimbiassed]

John’s wedding is a crime scene - Part V

I’ve already talked a lot about what ‘crimes’ might have been committed in Sherlock’s ‘reality’ around John’s wedding in TSoT, so now I think it would be interesting to analyse some events that might have lead up to these ‘crimes’, and also how Sherlock might interpret them in his Mind Palace. 

This idea occurred to me after a new discussion surged regarding Part IV of this meta series - a discussion which you can find here (X). (To anyone who prefers to start from the beginning of the series, here are the previous parts: Part I, Part II, Part III). In one of the additions, @lukessense was talking about TLD and asked the following questions:

Sherlock gets beaten by John, because he blames him for killing Mary and asks him if this is a game to him (Sherlock thinks he ‘killed’ Mary because he…flirted with John? Or what is the game here? The game of not confessing? The game of unanswered questions about their feelings?).

These things have been puzzling me too, and I’m not sure about the answers in any sense. The following is just my very subjective opinion, and there could certainly exist a lot of alternate explanations. But I’ll try to lay out my view of it all here - in an emotional context - and see how S4, in particular TLD, can relate to John’s wedding and to other events before it.

The Macho Game

Continued under the cut

First of all: what is ‘The Game’ we see played out in the show actually about? I think The Game is basically between Sherlock and John and it’s about not admitting to (romantic) emotions; it’s a sort of ‘macho’ game where the first one to show the ‘weakness’ of being in love with the other one loses. They can dance around each other for ages, but none of them will lower their guard first and risking the harsh destiny of unrequited love and abandonment and consequently be seriously hurt (’killed’) - risking to have their heart burned.

In Sherlock’s view, to fall in love is to lose all power and control over your own life - hence the constant death metaphor for it in his mind. To confess to feelings is to bare your throat to the attack of the ‘enemy’ - and the enemy is Love; in Sherlock’s eyes the culprit of much of the suffering in this world.

Why is this ‘game’ so important to maintain for Sherlock? Because emotions is such a scary, unreliable and stigmatising thing, especially between two men, and they have to be kept at bay. I think Sherlock is against them on the surface because they interfere with the logical reasoning in his work, but in reality he’s scared as h*ll of them because of his childhood (and maybe youth) traumas. I would guess something really bad happened to him, probably involving Victor Trevor and maybe also his parents.

Sherlock’s aim is to be on top of all that, to never feel doubt of his own capacity and to never give in to the dangerous dominance of emotions. His way of doing this has unfortunately been to repress all affectionate emotions which he sees as a threat. But this ’strategy of survival’ has also damaged him gravely. And inside himself, a part of him is still fighting against it.

My view of John is that he has probably been raised in a homophobic and even abusive ‘macho’ environment/family and been taught to look down on LGBTQ people, hence his gay sister’s problems with alcohol. He’s a very reserved guy who rarely talks about how he feels. He struggles with the duality of his sexual orientation and with fear of society’s condemnation of the gay side of it (”people will talk”). He may think he has a ’liberal’ view of these things (”...which is fine, by the way”), but John also believes he needs to live up to conventions and social expectations, at least on the surface, in spite of never actually having his heart in it.

John engages in this ’macho game’ with Sherlock because he’s also very confused about his own emotions. On one hand he’s both sexually attracted to and deeply in love with Sherlock, but on the other he’s afraid of what these feelings are doing to him. He thinks there’s ’something wrong’ with him for feeling this way about Sherlock. But he’s also an adrenaline junkie; he can’t resist danger. His worst nightmare is to openly confess his (romantic) love to Sherlock, only to then be abandoned by this ’un-feeling psychopath’ and left with the stigma of coming out, but with no-one to support him. I see it as unlikely that John will make the first move to break this ’dance’, unless he has reason to feel sure about Sherlock being there for him.

False conclusions

Now, even if S4 is all composed of Sherlock’s dreamed/imagined scenarios inside his Extended Mind Palace, I don’t think we can interpret everything we see in them as his ’gained wisdom’. In science, scenarios are never more accurate than the data you put into the model, or than the algorithm you use to run the scenario. And these being dream scenarios with no support in ’reality’ (in this case John’s blog) prevents us from using common logics to interpret them; the metaphors are mixed and many-layered. And all the events we see in S4 are fabrications, but maybe partly based on things that did happen before, which Sherlock’s brain now uses in ’new’ situations for the purpose of analysis. Also - and this is important - some of it may show us Sherlock’s mistaken conclusions - he might actually be wrong. :)

As for the hug scene in TLD, I think Sherlock still believes that John really wants to be the guy Mrs Het Norm Mary expected him to be, but he can’t and that’s why John starts crying at the end of the scene. When the truth is that John just can’t play this ridiculous game anymore; it has made him a liar and a cheater and it’s eating him up from the inside (and destroying his character on the meta level).

This has most probably to do with internalised homophobia, but I don’t think Sherlock has realised this just yet (because they both have it internalised). If Sherlock and John had sex on the stag night, then yes; maybe Sherlock (subconsciously) believes he thereby destroyed John’s protection from exposure. He ‘killed’ Mary, he ’broke the spell’ by making John cheat on her, and the result is a depressed John. 

All of this is conclusions that Sherlock reaches first in TLD, after having run this whole scenario about John’s psychological motivations. (And I don’t think Sherlock is aware that his brain keeps running scenarios; he thinks everything in S4 actually happens). I have tried to describe my view of TLD in my meta series ‘What happened to Sherlock’ (X). All seems back to normal after the hug scene, but the problem is that TLD still ends with John being shot, so the problem has not been solved. Which propells Sherlock into his next mental scenario, TFP, where he finally has to confront his own emotions and traumas.

But I think the hug scene in TLD is false - at least partly - because it shows us a John whom it is very hard for Sherlock to comfort because of John’s self-loathing. I actually don’t believe the ‘real’ John would tell Sherlock that “it’s not okay” when Sherlock for once is there for him emotionally and actually offers him something as intimate as a hug. The ‘real’ John would take this opportunity without hesitation and hug him back. But Sherlock misinterprets his own data; he thinks this is all about John’s love for Mary, and his mourning after having lost her. While in ‘reality’ (where Mary may not even be dead) I think John is hoping for precisely this; he’s waiting for Sherlock to show his cards first. But this would mean that Sherlock first has to embrace Sentiment. 

All in all I think Sherlock is a very empathetic person who cares deeply about people, especially those closest to him; he is by no means a ‘psychopath’. In fact he uses empathy as a method of crime solving; he puts himself in another persons’ shoes to see what he would do in that situation (and this comes directly from canon). This way he often manages to reason backwards to reconstruct what has happened. The problem with Sherlock’s analyses, though, is that he actively tries to avoid considering emotional aspects. His fear of certain emotions sometimes leads him in the wrong direction. 

Why the beating?

So what about John’s beating of Sherlock in the morgue in TLD, where he blames Sherlock for killing Mary? This scene is outright horrible to watch and very difficult to understand. Disarming Sherlock and make him drop the scalpel is one thing, but how can Sherlock even dream that John would assault his best friend and kick the sh*t out of him while lying defenseless on the floor? For something that he didn’t even do? This is so absurd that I strongly suspect something else is going on. But here we must remember that this nightmarish scenario, as well as many others, might be based on things that have actually happened before; things that might have lead to the oddity of John’s wedding becoming a ‘crime scene’. 

So let’s use Sherlock’s empathy methods on himself here, and try to analyse how Sherlock might have interpreted certain things that lead to the situation in TSoT. Because I think this is basically what Sherlock’s brain is trying to do in TLD, even if he still doesn’t actually ‘get it’. :P Which, by the way, is smoothly illustrated by this interchange between Mycroft (= Sherlock’s Brain) and Mrs Hudson (= Sherlock’s intuition? His heart?) in TLD:

Before beginning I want to point out that in my view most of the things we see happen in the show (especially after TSoT) represent Sherlock’s lively interpretation of what John has written on his blog. So in order to understand the beating in TLD, the first thing I would do is look for any kind of beating accounted for by John on his blog. And yes; there is of course this one in the blog post The Empty Hearse (X):

John actually admits publicly that he did beat up Sherlock in a restaurant, and then he goes on to wave the whole thing away without even a shred of remorse. Trying to look at this through Sherlock’s logical eyes (where emotions are repressed), I get the impression that John thinks this was a perfectly OK thing to do, after Sherlock’s little ‘joke’. It’s as if John were saying, in big macho style: “Don’t mess with Captain John Watson, Sherlock, because this is what happens, see? Sneaking up on me like that, you’ll get what you deserve.” 

In fact, this whole blog post stands in stark contrast to what John had written about Sherlock when he thought he was dead. Instead of honouring Sherlock’s memory, now he talks about “Sherlock Bloody Holmes” and “I know he's a psychopath and I've accepted that, but...” And also that “he hadn't trusted us enough to tell us what was really going on. Not sure I'll ever truly forgive him for that”. And “he comes back into my life which means I find myself being attacked, kidnapped and stuck in a bonfire”. In this blog post, the only redeeming quality that Sherlock seems to have in John’s eyes, apart from his crime solving, is that he offers John a chance to help with it, which means danger for the adrenaline junkie. “He’s like a drug”. And John finishes with stating that Mary “is the best thing that's ever happened to me”, addressing it directly to Sherlock with a smiley.  What is Sherlock supposed to make of all this?

I can understand that John is upset and appalled by Sherlock’s seemingly heartless nonchalance in just appearing before him like a ghost and behave like John’s years of grieving were all but a joke. But once he had assaulted the guy (thrice, if we are to believe the show’s version), why still this intense resentment? Why wasn’t it even enough to ‘vent’ by hitting the guy? Hadn’t he begged and hoped that Sherlock by some miracle would still be alive? 

Apparently, now that Sherlock is back from the dead, all John’s emotional defenses immediately snap up again like a protective wall and the 'macho game’ is on once more. But unfortunately I don’t think Sherlock gets this, because it’s about Sentiment, and it has to do with him and John. Sherlock probably wouldn’t look at it that way.

But my point is, that this is what Sherlock’s subconscious is trying to tell him through the comatose scenarios in TLD: ‘Mary’ is dead because Sherlock has effectively destroyed John’s heteronormative façade. 

And when did this happen? Well, it probably began when Sherlock suddenly returned from the dead; by that he managed to explode John’s carefully crafted little bubble of ordinary life. Or - more accurately - he blew up his little bubble of heteronormative life; he started to ‘kill Mary’. Hence John’s deep resentment; he was losing ‘the game’. But the biggest blow would have happened around John’s wedding, I think. Because if they actually did end up in bed after a wet Stag Night, this would have been the ultimate proof, wouldn’t it? The final evidence that Mary was not the best thing that could have happened to John, that this was just some BS that John was trying to hide behind. 

John’s cover would have been blown, but he still proceeded to marry Mary Morstan as if nothing, making Sherlock feel like a trash can, only worthy of abuse. I even think there is some more evidence of this in John’s comment to his own last blog post about the Mayfly Man:

So John tries here to legitimise his own conduct, right? A married man who wanted some one-night stands. It might be significant that Sherlock doesn’t even comment on this blog post, but after the wedding he simply hacks the blog. No wonder that Sherlock’s scenarios in HLV, TAB and S4 would be dark and cynical then, is there? No wonder Sherlock calling himself “a sociopath who solves crimes as an alternative to getting high“. No wonder him calling it “surgery” when Mrs Het Norm ‘Mary’ skillfully cuts out his heart.

But the thing is, that John’s useless marriage could most probably have been avoided if Sherlock had been frank and honest to John about his feelings for him in the first place. And it’s still not too late; the ’crime’ can be reversed. I still have good hope that Sherlock will eventually reach that point in S5 by finally recognising the importance of emotions and take on the real criminal here: homophobia.   

Tagging some people who might be interested:

@raggedyblue​ @lukessense​ @sarahthecoat​ @gosherlocked​ @ebaeschnbliah​ @sagestreet​ @tjlcisthenewsexy @loveismyrevolution

[clairvoyantsam]

#JUSTINDESERVEDBETTER talk & 13 Reasons Why S4E10 thoughts

So ... I’ve already watched the series finale, did it right after episode 9 but it was hard for me to watch and write my thoughts simultaneously because I was ugly crying the whole freakin time. Thus, I’m posting this now. Haven’t cried this much in a LONG while. My heart is fucking broken. I’m gonna start by talking about my favorite character whom the show did SO. FUCKING. DIRTY. JUSTIN FOLEY DESERVED BETTER. (obviously, OBVIOUSLY, it was gonna be MY favorite character who gets screwed over and dies a horrible death, just my luck, why did I expect a happy ending, I don’t even know).

Justin was the most tragic figure of the show. Raised by a junkie mother who never gave a damn about him, sexually molested as a little kid by one of her many drug addict & violent boyfriends, he often went to school dirty and hungry because of the neglect. He never had a positive influence in his life. He only managed to do better with Bryce’s help (Bryce was a bastard but he did care about Justin in his own way, that’s for sure). 

After the events of S1 with Hannah’s suicide and the tapes and everything that happened with Jessica and Bryce, he left his abusive home and lived in the streets where he barely ever found food and what money he got from charity or the men who paid (and hurt him) to use his body, he gave to drugs. 

In S2, Clay and Toni, found him and saved his life, helped him get back on his feet and he tried his best to set things straight with everyone. He even saved Clay’s life who came so close to killing Bryce and even worse himself. He didn’t hesistate to face the legal consequences if it meant helping the girl he loved. And Clay eventually became his brother as his parents decided to adopt him. 

In S3, he started going to school and doing well, got a job, tried to start his life over, this time in a safe environment with a real family and friends who supported him. He was doing exceptionally well, he looked much happier, he finally felt what it’s like to be loved by a mother and father and a brother and he got some sense of normalcy in his life. He was there for Clay when things got bad, believed in him and he had his back ALWAYS. (still emo about their scenes together where they told each other “I love you” & “I’d do ANYTHING for you”), Plus, he was one of Tyler’s biggest supporters stating Tyler deserved a second chance to be better.

Come S4 ... he’s fresh out of rehab, looking better than ever. His friends welcome him when he gets back but everything is different. EVERYTHING. And everyone has changed. THE ENTIRE SEASON, NOBODY, NOT A SINGLE PERSON gave a fuck about him except for the coach and to a point his adoptive parents. He had done so much progress, he wanted to make his new family proud so bad, he was clean, he was doing great at school, he even got accepted into college!!! And what did he get in return???? NOT ONE OF HIS FRIENDS HUNG OUT WITH HIM ONCE, NOT EVEN ONCE. Every time he tried to approach someone or help THEM deal with their problems, he was turned away and even insulted. They would tell him he shouldn’t be giving advice and that he would never change who he used to be. He confessed to the coach that he felt like nobody believed in him and frankly?? NOBODY SHOWED THEY DID!!!!!!!! Jessica brushed him off all the time because she was MAD he broke up with her so he could FOCUS ON HIS HEALTH!!!!!!!!!! WHAT??????!!!!!!!!! She kept parading everywhere with Diego when she knew this was hurting him deeply. Clay was so fucking MEAN to him and I didn’t understand WHY after their great bonding their previous two seasons. Sure, he had his own problems, but there was NO reason for this, absolutely none. He was jealous of the moments Justin shared with his parents and how he was doing well at school and sports and got accepted in college. He even told in his FACE that Matt and Lainie are his parents ALONE, not Justin’s when he knew Justin’s biggest need was to feel the love and warmth of a family. Justin wanted to go to a free college so that Clay could have the money go to the BEST one and so the Jensens didn’t have to spend any on him. And I’m 100% sure he never told them how sick he was until it was too late because he didn’t want to be a burden so he decided to die quietly and slowly without upsetting them. Clay had the NERVE to pin the positive drug test on Justin when Justin was fucking CLEAN and then went on to smoke POT at that party. It broke my heart in 1000000 pieces when Justin asked him why he hated him so much. Zack wasn’t better either, basically telling Justin that he’d be a junkie his entire life and he could never change. The others mostly didn’t give a flying fuck, focused on nobody else but themselves and stayed far away from him the entire season. His mom died of OD and he didn’t tell anyone but the Jensens and Jess and he had to deal with everything all on his own again. He only had the coach to listen and there was a limit to what help he could give. So, he finally broke. He stopped caring since nobody was giving him a chance, he started using again, he lost his job, he didn’t care about anything. Jess and Clay knew he was using again and did NOTHING to help except tell him “Hey, I thought you quit! I thought you were getting better!”. Wow, BIG HELP, ASSHOLES. They all left him alone on prom night, and Clay SAW how sick he looked but he preferred to go to prom rather than stay with his brother who needed him.

Justin, with what little strength he had left, got dressed and went to the prom towards its end, he looked so beautiful in his suit, like Prince Charming. He lived one last carefree moment with the girl he loved and then he collapsed. And THAT’S when everyone said “OH, NO! Let’s go see our sick friend!”. Well done, now he IS DYING, YOU IGNORANT IDIOTS. Now that he’s at death’s door, you want to be there for him but WHERE WERE YOU WHEN HE WAS SO DESPERATELY TRYING TO LIVE?????????? Yes, it was proven that he had HIV, probably from the time he lived on the streets and without the proper care it went on to become fully AIDS and he had numerous other issues with his health as a result of that and the drugs to the point that he could no longer breathe on his own. BUT. Had he shared his problems and told the Jensens how sick he was feeling for so long, his death could have been prevented. I know someone in real life who got HIV in his 30s and he’s now in his 60s and his life is perfectly fine. He has friends, he has family (didn’t get married), he travels, he does what he wants. Justin could have been saved if someone had NOTICED. Like HANNAH could have been saved if someone, ANYONE was paying attention. Needless to say, I fucking died during his scenes in the hospital, it was so hard to watch him waste away in that hospital bed. When they took the tube out so he could say his goodbyes to Clay, Jess and his adoptive parents ... I LEGIT haven’t cried so hard in SO long ... I still have a headache from all the crying. My poor CHILD, he was scared but he told them all how much he loved them and eventually died in his sleep, holding his brother’s, Clay’s hand. The episode was meaningless after that for me. I only watched to see how everyone’s stories would end, even though I didn’t care and knew that they’d get their happy (mostly) endings. The one character who TRULY deserved the best and happiest ending, got royally fucked and buried six feet under while everyone went about their lives like nothing had happened.

I really don’t have much to comment on the rest of the story. Clay did one final extreme act by walking in the police department, saying he had a gun. Not convinved he didn’t really want to die too after Justin but perhaps his psychologist was right and he was just trying to make people notice he was hurting. I’m happy for Toni for doing what’s best for him and deciding to accept the scholarship and go to college, same goes for Tyler, he deserved to be happy and I’m glad he ended up with Estella. Relieved that Jess and Diego tested negative for HIV but disappointed they were ready to get back together so soon after Justin. Winston decided to not use what he found out about Bryce’s death against Alex and the others and that made me respect him a little bit. (Winston and Ryan btw? hehe, I kinda saw it coming ever since I saw Ryan and Courtney at the graduation-did anyone also notice Bryce and Monty in the crowd too??lol). Liked the graduation and Hannah’s little cameo (although it was archived footage) but it left me with a sour taste because Justin wasn’t there among the rest, only as a ghost in Clay’s mind. Also that Heidi girl talking to Clay, uh, SO cheesy and unnecessary. Clay reading Justin’s college essay with Justin’s ghost in their bedroom and seeing how it was all about him and Justin calling him his brother ... IT DESTROYED ME. UTTERLY AND COMLETELY. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME. WHY WOULD YOU KILL THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CHARACTER OF THE SHOW. THE MOST COMPLEX AND DAMAGED ONE. WHY COULDN’T HE HAVE A HAPPY ENDING LIKE THE REST OF THEM. IT’S FUCKING UNFAIR.

I’m glad the final scene was just Clay and Toni driving away, always enjoyed their friendship. Having no word exchange between them was pretty powerful because you only needed to read their expessions to feel the emotions.

All in all, a powerful season who dealt with so many important issues, well directed and full of action but disappointing for me where it mattered the most ... Right now, I don’t want to even touch another show for a long time, I need a break to recover from this, it was too much. I wish I didn’t get so attached to certain characters, but I do and it hurts me deeply when shit like that happens to them. Anyway ... Goodbye, show ... it was (mostly) good while this journey lasted ... I sure hope I see all these HUGELY talented actors and actresses in other projects in the future, especially Brandon Flynn (Justin), Dylan Minnette (Clay), Katherine Langford (Hannah) & Justin Prentice (Bryce). I also hope Brandon & Dylan get ALL the awards for their performances in S4. THEY DESERVE EVERYTHING. I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on all this, it was such an intense experience.

[fanmoose12]

(1) SNK’s continuous alignment to certain dark and hopeless themes has been pushing me on the verge to discontinue reading the work. Perhaps the one that tops it all is that there is death after death that delivers poor sense of culmination to each of the the characters’ arcs for the sole reason to get rid of them as they no longer contribute to the development of the plot.

(2) For me, I’m disappointed with how Isayama handled Shadis’ and Hange’s character arc during S4 because those were the two characters who shared similar internal and external battles that had the potential to grow and develop. They did pave the path for something to happen but that doesn’t necessarily mean that their sacrifice would be the “perfect” conclusion, like a redeeming act, to end their character arcs. IDK, but maybe this is the why I felt so bitter about this kind of pattern.

(3) Sorry for the long rant. 😞 How about you? What do you think about it?

both hange and shadis had struggled with responsibility that was thrown onto them and both suffered because of the death they have caused, and maybe there is some sense in them sacrificing themselves, so the younger soldiers can keep going on, but like, c’mon, hange’s arc wasn’t resolved at all. i know she received validation in the form of erwin telling her that she did great (whether it was real or just her hallucination), but it doesn’t actually develop her character or something. if anything, she died just to escape the bigger responsibility by dealing with eren. besides, hange’s and shadis’ death came really out of nowhere and i know there are people saying ‘but they had red flags!!!’, but it doesn’t mean that their deaths were logical. it’s attack on titan, everyone has red flags. especially, shadis’ death (like i get that hange was so smart and yams didn’t know what to do with her), but why did shadis have to die??? at this point, he wasn’t contrubuting to the plot at all, so why bring him back just to kill him? also, remember that foreshadowing in ch126, where he watches 104th kids ride away from the town? i thought it would end up in something really cool smh. i mean we don’t know how isayama is going to end the manga, but why couldn’t shadis live? raise the new generation of kids and all that? but nooo, his time has come and so he has to sacrifice himself, even though he could have continue living. also, both deaths were rushed as hell and i really hate it. hange was one of the main characters and she died in a span of one chapter? c’mon you could do better, yams. like i understand why there are so many people believing that ‘hange is going to become beast titan’ theory, because her death was unsatisfying as hell. 

[phoebehalliwell]

I loved your cataloguing all of prue’s potential kids!! Like the detail that went into it is *chef kiss* I can’t wait to see what story you come with with Sheridan and Warren! Also, that post got me thinking, what do you think would have happened had Andy become a whitelighter and come back? How do you think that would have effected his and Prue’s hypothetical kids? Like would one of them been the twice-blessed do you think?

it’s 2.2k under the cut bc idk how to shut up

okay so for a whitelighter!andy & prue i think The Move would be like in the s3 finale the source has tempus reverse time but then like idk knocks out leo or whatever because he knows that without him there both prue and piper will die from their injuries what he doesn’t know is that there’s a certain other whitelighter who will watch from the fringes check in but not interfere for risk of being caught going against the rules but when he sees piper and prue inches from death and no way leo can get to them in time, andy has to make a choice. he has to heal them. oh but now we have the elders all pissy because whitelighters are only supposed to work with their own charges their not supposed to run around freelance healing other people’s charges that’d be chaos so clearly there needs to be some consequences and andy’s ready to like gracefully take whatever’s dealt out to him and prue’s like I Think The Fuck Not and like goes to bat for andy talking about how she would have been dead without him how the charmed ones would be gone without him really rains hell down on the elders so they’re like ᵒᵏᵃʸ ᶠᶦⁿᵉ ʷʰᵃᵗᵉᵛᵉʳ ʷᵉ ʷᵒⁿ’ᵗ ᵖᵘⁿᶦˢʰ ʰᶦᵐ ᶦᵍ ʸᵒᵘ ᵈᵒⁿ’ᵗ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵇᵉ ˢᵒ ʳᵘᵈᵉ blah blah blah so prue and andy talk in the heavens and it’s sorta awkward at first bc prue’s like so. you’re not dead. that’s good. bc you know. you’re not dead. and andy’s like yeah. but like he’s reading the subtext here bc he Knows prue and she’s saying i’m so happy your alive but i’m really hurt that you never told me. that i mourned you and thought you were gone forever but you weren’t you were right there. and andy’s not entirely sure what to say bc like. what was he supposed to do. and he understands how prue feels but he couldn’t have just orbed in like hi i’m a whitelighter and you’ll never see me again it was better for prue to mourn and move on so she that had a shot at happiness but now he’s face to face with her and what i thought it would be better for you? it sounds hollow so instead of trying to explain himself he just says the first thing that comes to mind i never stopped loving you and he’s ready to orb back into the ether or whatever bc while the elders won’t punish him for saving prue & piper they’re still not jazzed and he’s still not allowed to interact with them when prue kisses him and tell him like i lost you once i’m not about to do it again marry me. and like they’re married within the hour bc by now the charmed ones have done this before they can do it on a speed round mode and the elders are like hey we said- and prue’s like sorry i can’t hear you over the sound of holy matrimony suck my balls blah blah blah like end season 3 i’m not sure when prue would have her first child though and if it would predate wyatt bc like. y’know her career’s still very much in its early stages she’s still on the up & up and her and andy haven’t actually like been together in a minute so there’s a lot of catching up to do whereas like piper and leo have consecutively been together longer she’s owned p3 longer than prue’s been a photographer so she’s already p locked in on that & she can do her job sitting down which is a plus. so i think in a whitelighter andy au wyatt will still be born first but patricia will be born within the same year, maybe six months after wyatt and i don’t think wyatt would really be like the twiced blessed bc like patricia would be Right There and he’s just no longer special enough to really warrant a prophecy y’know? i also think in this au it would take longer for prue and andy to move out bc y’know like again they just got andy back but i think she would still be out of the house by the end of season four beginning of season five ish i also think like the thing they really didn’t consider is that their kid’s gonna be half whitelighter so when piper’s like yeah have you vomited orbs yet lmao prue’s like wait. especially bc like andy’s only been a whitelighter for like a year or two and they’re both like oh word what does this mean and like they have leo and sorta piper to answer their questions but it’s sorta like they’ve got this vibe that no matter what happens like we’re in this together we have each other���s back we can do anything real power couple vibe they’re very like sappy like they’re aware they’re sappy & they’re not gonna stop.

& then a bit on sheridan & warren bc in the specific au i’m gonna write them in it still starts the same as it did here but i am keeping prue’s canon death in s3. and so like s4 the twins are still toddlers and i think piper and phoebe would still offer to watch them on like weekdays or whatever bc they still have a bedroom in the manor and jack still sorta lives in a bachelor pad and like the kids do have magic powers and jack definitely is there more and shows up more bc those are his kids and one day he shows up and there’s a demon attack and he like knew prue fought demons but he had never y’know. been in the line of fire so to speak and he’s like does this happen a lot and piper’s like yeah sort of and phoebe’s like there’s no need to worry warren and sheridan are totally safe here and jack’s like really because the scorched wallpaper begs to differ and piper’s like we understand your panic but like we can keep them safe and jack’s like no i don’t think you understand my panic those are my sons they’re my only kids and they’ve already lost prue i’m not. i’m taking them with me. and like the girls get where he’s coming from (paige is also here she just doesn’t really know jack so she’s hanging out with leo in the kitchen like 😐) basically they bind warren & sheridan’s powers and phoebe modifies the dominus trinus (now the dominus dualis ig) and tells jack that when they’re ready this will give them their magic back. and so like he moves them into his place but it’s not built for kids and so he’s on the hunt for a new place but also like a new jobs bc like bucklands blows without prue and almost everything there reminds him of her and he really just needs a fresh start so when he gets a job offer in japan he packs his bags & the three of them are off and then it’s like maybe four years in japan and then we’ll say he goes to new york and that lasts maybe two years and now warren and sheridan are like in elementary school and he knows the hopping from place to place isn’t like good for them and he really needs to settle down for a place that’s gonna be like Home and he knows he has to return to san francisco. so 2007 he’s back in san francisco he does not cross paths with the halliwells again and he sorta feels like he should bc like sheridan & warren Are Witches that’s like part of who they are and like he and prue had agreed before that they would raise them with magic because prue wishes she had known she was a witch she had always thought that had she had come earlier to the craft she could have done more good maybe not lost as many people and jack knows he has to unbind their magic eventually especially bc that was what prue wanted and like prue was always right but like. fuck dude. his kids were wizards. witches, whatever. like how is he supposed to raise kids with magic. like should he just go back to the manor and be like hi raise my magic kids for me he doesn’t want to do that those are his kids he doesn’t want to dump them off somewhere much less the place where their mom died so basically he keeps postponing it he keeps blowing it off and the kids are growing up normal & safe but still it’s gnawing at him bc it’s not what prue wanted and he doesn’t want to send them into the world unprepared and like sheridan & warren are like sixteen now and he’s like fuck. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. what am i doing what am i gonna do i don’t know a goddamn thing so he’s like fuck it. hi god it’s me jack. i don’t believe in you and i don’t really believe in praying but here i am on my knees bc i’m lost. i think i’ve fucked up but i don’t know how to make it better, i want to do the right thing but i don’t even know what that is, would love some like. guidance. or something. i guess. and he like waits because like magic is real so like. hey god. do something please. and nothing happens and he’s like whatever this is why i never went to church blah blah blah That Night he dreams he’s at p3, which is weird because it’s been closed for like eight years and jack hasn’t thought about it in like twice that long but that’s where he is. and it’s like empty and a bit messy like there’s been a concert but now it’s late and everyone’s gone home. everyone except him, and the raven haired woman at the bar. prue. and listen jack doesn’t cry okay he doesn’t saw marley and me and like didn’t even sniffle (lie, he cried) but he sees prue and well uhh he’s crying a lil bc like fuck. he misses her. and he misses her confidence and the way she always seemed to have the right answer and could always manage to save the day and he misses her. and he’s like i hope you’re here to answer my prayers and she smiles at him bc he’s always so glib and stupid and it drives her up the wall but she still loves it about him and she’s like actually, i am. and idk she talks with him and quells his fears and he’s like how do i even bring that up to them he guys you’re wizards -witches. yeah that. like how do i even broach that. and prue’s like get the spell. and be ready. and she just sorta vanishes and he’s like cool are you gonna save the day like you always do but he can already feel she just isn’t there anymore and he’s like okay :/ and he wakes up and it’s like three am and he wants to go back to bed the whole magic thing is just niggling at the back of his mind so he gets out of bed and hunts down his old briefcase he had from all the way back at bucklands and finds just like a blank unlabelled folder and takes a deep breath and in it are some old photos of prue and him from the 90s and a thick folded up piece of paper with a torn edge and he carefully unfolds it and in like a really nice script is the unbinding spell and then like warren and sheridan are like dad? why are you awake right now and he’s like why are you awake right now? and they twins sorta share a look and warren’s like weird dream and sheridan’s looking over his dad’s shoulder and sees the pictures of prue and is like is this mom? and he takes the pictures and jack’s like yeah those are from. they’re from a long time ago. and sheridan and warren are looking at these pictures and like they wanna ask something but aren’t sure how to say it so jack goes first and he’s like your mom wanted you to have this and hands them the spell and they’re like what. is this? and he’s like its a spell. to unbind your powers. magic powers. i know i should have told you earlier and i’m sorry but i- are ghost real? what? like. can dead people... y’know... and jack breaks into a smile bc he’s so glad that they actually got to like. meet prue. have at least one memory of her. and so sheridan and warren take the spell and are like. so do we read it? and jack’s like idk i’m not a witch yeah i guess so y’know  hear now the words of the witches, the secrets we hid in the night. the oldest of gods are invoked here. the great work of magic is sought. in this night and in this hour, i call upon the ancient power. bring your powers to we brothers two, we want the power, give us the power. and like the apartment shakes and idk the lights flicker and the brothers are like cool. now what. and jack’s like i don’t know. guess we’ll find out.

[sometimesrosy]

Let me ask your opinion, would you be satisfied with the ending of Bellamy dying but Clarke being pregnant with his baby? I wouldn’t necessarily be dissatisfied with it but I know it’s been done a million times. Or is there an ending you absolutely wouldn’t be satisfied with? Just curious your thoughts, sorry if you’ve answered something like this already, haven’t been to your page in a while.

People ask me this kind of question ALL the time.

I don’t know why. Maybe because this is the way they think? They speculate on the possible outcomes of the show and then decide to be heartbroken or satisfied or angry based on their speculations and decide how they feel about a show they haven’t seen yet according to how they feel about speculations that they are afraid of or other people believe.

I am satisfied by a story depending upon HOW the story is written. By the way certain narratives are wrapped up. By how it brings together the various threads and themes and resolutions. How the character arcs come together. Whether the questions and narrative threads are answered. What the show seems to be saying about the world and humanity. If it all makes sense. 

There’s always going to be room in a story for certain things to not go my way... as in not end the way I personally want them to. For instance. I DID. NOT. WANT. A time jump at the end of season 4 where they left Clarke behind. Was. Not. Pleased. with that narrative choice. And YET, the way they told the story was actually satisfying. Setting the three groups of delinquents in heaven, on earth and in hell was a lovely symbolic way to tell a story that fulfilled the themes I’d been paying attention to. Giving Clarke Madi and also an idyllic valley was satisfying. Leaving Bellamy so changed and internalizing Clarke in his life was satisfying. Making Clarke and Bellamy into this epic love story that lasted beyond time, space and death was poetic and satisfying. Even the beginning of B/E was satisfying to me, because I ENJOYED the love triangle bringing Bellarke into the main plot of the story instead of a subplot. 

The disliked narrative choice of leaving Clarke behind opened up a story that made Bellarke more romantic and more epic and more poetic and soulmates. And while there were other ways they could have done it that I might have liked better, I LIKED where this narrative choice led. 

So when you ask me if I’d like it if Bellarke was split up by death, but also carried on in a Bellarke baby, I can’t tell if I’d be satisfied until I see how they handle it.

I believe that was one of the possible endings I said could happen but was one of the less likely. Especially since it essentially happened in s4-5 with Bellamy leaving Clarke behind and her finding Madi who is the *spiritual* child of Bellarke. It IS a trope, and it DOES fit the themes and tone of the show, partly because they’ve already done it and worked through the tragedy and even romance of that storyline (2199 calls.)  Now this show DOES do call backs and circular storytelling, so it might very well redo an old narrative, and my MOST likely ending concept is actually do redo MARPER’s ending, and have Bellarke disappear from their people to get to live their own life and raise a family and find hope. 

I COULD find some satisfaction in that Bellarke endgame, Bellamy loss, Bellarke child ending, even if it wouldn’t be my preferred ending.

I need to see how they do it.

What would make me dissatisfied is if their story that they’ve been building was ignored for some flashy ending. If they dropped the elaborate development they’ve done for a cheap narrative twist. Like “It was all a dream.” or even, honestly, if Bellarke got a happy ending at the expense of, say, the point of the show or saving humanity, or the other characters, or Clarke and Bellamy’s character arcs. Like, for instance, I shipped Jonerys, and even though I got my ship, D&D abandoned about 75% of the storylines and character development, twisted the themes for the status quo to end up winning the day, did not break the cycle, and had Jon betray Dany, after the  writers betrayed Dany’s character arc. 

That does mean that I would be disappointed if Bellarke never happen. If they were never addressed, or if it was addressed but they chose not to go there because of some stupid self sacrificial urge that they have both been working through. But this disappointment is not because I wouldn’t get my ship, but rather because it would ignore all the canon development that’s in the show. Because when I do my analysis, I am not going off of what I want to see, but the story being told. And the center of the story IS Bellarke. 

This is why when Bellarke didn’t end up kissing at the end of s3, 4, or 5 I was still satisfied, because I could see that the center of the narrative was Bellarke and they were actually moved closer to the goal post of canon romantic Bellarke. The story has continued to get more romantic every season. So that’s why, even when I didn’t get my speculated romantic resolution, I kept getting a romantic upgrade, so I wasn’t disappointed. The narrative was continuing in the direction I saw in the canon. It didn’t mean I didn’t want them to kiss or was deluding myself about an endgame that wasn’t in the narrative. It was that I still saw the development and readjusted my expectations of the timeline it was being told on.

I want a good story. I don’t want the story I want to see. For that, I write my own stories. It’s a lot of work, but I have the control and can do what I want to satisfy my whim. 

There ARE ways this story could disappoint me, but I can’t tell you what they are until it actually disappoints me. Like for instance, I didn’t like the ending of Kabby. That was disappointing. Partly because it was dark and lacked hope and Abby did not reach a positive ending for her character arc, but a negative one and Kane’s belief in good things was not based in the situational reality enough to give us a good ending. BUT they were not the main characters nor were they the main ship, and were instead used as a lesson for the rest of the narrative. It sucks for Kabby, but not really for the narrative as a whole. It fits. It is disappointing, but that is part of this story. Sometimes the characters fail in their journeys. It’s part of the themes of doing better and breaking the cycle and tragedy and redemption and rebirth.