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the-conversation-pod · 13 days ago

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Finally, Some Good Fucking Food: The Marahuyo Project and Ossan no Pantsu Episode

AND WE'RE BACK!

After a longer break than we expected, we are finally back to catch up on some shows we really enjoyed this season. Come join us for a Bangers Only episode as we take a break from BL and explore the queer truth found in JP Habac and ANIMA Studios' (Gaya sa Pelikula) Marahuyo Project and Ossan no Pants ga Nandatte Ii Janai ka! aka Don't Care For an Old Man's Underwear!

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Welcome

00:01:15 - Introduction

00:08:40 - Marahuyo Project: A Queer Activist's Story

00:20:24 - Marahuyo Project: On Queerness

00:30:16 - Marahuyo Project: Our Characters

00:42:09 - Marahuyo Project: The Christina Story

00:48:52 - Marahuyo Project: Parents and Children

00:54:54 - Marahuyo Project: Final Thoughts and Ratings

00:59:48 - Ossan no Pants

01:05:18 - Ossan no Pants: Our Characters

01:26:30 - Ossan no Pants: Key Character Arcs

01:36:49 - Ossan no Pants: Furuike and That Fucking Guy

01:45:25 Ossan no Pants: Final Thoughts and Ratings

01:51:18 - Importance of Variety in Media Consumption

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00:00 - Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re you’re drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

00:01:15 - Introduction

Ben

And we're back. This week we're going to be taking a little bit of a break from BL and doing a special class pre-award season discussion of two shows we loved so much that it restored my faith in television as a genre. We're going to be discussing Marahuyo Project from ANIMA Studios and we're going to be discussing Don't Care for an Old Man's Underwear! The Japanese name is Ossan no Pantsu ga Nandatte Ii Janai ka!

Before we get into this, we're gonna do a little bit of a breakdown on our special class awards and why we often will pull them aside from our BL discussion. NiNi, would you like to offer some insight for us?

NiNi

Sure, Ben, but first, we've got a guest. Say hi, Shan. [laughs]

Shan

Ben just forgot that I'm a guest at this point.

Ben

It’s true. Shan's still here! She has not left the booth. [laughs]

Shan

I just stay here permanently now. I have squatted in the booth. Hi people, it's Shan.

NiNi

Always good to have you around, Shan.

So, so we are talking a little bit outside of the BL genre this week. We are talking about our special class type programs. We have several categories of special class in our VIIB awards, but the one that we're talking about here is standout queer narrative. Those queer stories that are not technically romances, or at least go beyond the romance genre to reveal and get into some kind of queer truth that maybe romance is not best placed to delve into.

Ben

Since Shan is here and she has watched so many dramas, [laughs] Shan, why don't you walk us through some of the things that distinguish broader sort of family- and community-oriented dramas versus, like, romcoms and romantic dramas.

Shan

I think what makes a show a family drama, versus a romance drama that has family elements, is really what drives the story, what the focus and locust of the story is. In a romance, in a BL or a GL, a QL in general, the primary driver of the plot is a romantic relationship. In a family drama, what drives the plot is more about the relationships of a family unit. Or a drama that's more about community, like something like a Moonlight Chicken, you get community and the relationships between different community members, friendships and neighbors and things like that, being the driving force of the plot.

So when you're talking about categorization, that's really the difference. It's not that a family drama or a community-based drama cannot include romances. They very often or even usually do. It's just about really what drives the story. And in both of the dramas that we're talking about today, what drives the story is relationships that are more familial in nature or more friendship-oriented or more about how a community of people comes together.

Ben

Something else that I think is notable in different styles of drama is what role the supporting cast has. NiNi, you've been probably the biggest fan of side characters and their roles in all the various QL we've watched. I’d like you to maybe talk a little bit about the role you feel for side characters in romance versus side characters in dramas.

NiNi

When it comes to side characters in a romance, these people are usually the friends and family of the main couple. And they're usually deeply integrated into how these two people are coming together. Sometimes they have their own stories happening alongside that are sort of echoing the themes or maybe even opposing the themes in some really interesting ways. That's what I'm looking for when I'm thinking about side characters in a romance story.

When you’re going outward to like family or community and talking about those stories, what you're looking for, for me anyway, is an expansion of the world. I want to know everything about this universe when I'm getting into a family drama, a community drama, a workplace drama. I want it to expand. I am a romance girl, so I like when a romantic drama focuses on the couple, and yes, you get some expansion of the world in that and an understanding of the world around them. But the couple's really the focus. I think in these wider dramas, I like understanding how these people's world operates and how they are all connected to each other inside of that world.

Ben

I like the way you broke that down. In BL in particular, the friends are always built around their support for the core couple. Even in our award season, we award a Best Boy and Best Girl award each year. And that usually goes to one of the standout friends that supported our romantic leads. But in drama like this, I'm interested, like she said, in expanding the world, like what perils and challenges are the side characters facing that help add flavor to the core themes that we're exploring here?

So with the two shows are gonna be talking about today, Marahuyo Project is about a young man who's a very out queer activist in his school in Manila, and after being expelled from the school is sent to a very rural town and there decides to create an LGBT club. Sorry, he uses the full acronym. LGBTQIA+ community while he's there. In our other show, Oppan for short, we're dealing with a middle-aged man kind of a grognard stuck in his way who, after a surprise encounter with a young gay man decides it's time for him to update himself and rebuild his relationship with his family and his co-workers. And it's a show fundamentally about personal growth.

So those themes don't necessarily prioritize romance in them. And we'll get into that more as we focus on those shows. The last thing I wanna highlight before we talk about these shows, ‘cause we've been talking about it a lot, particularly with last season's complex disappointments for us, neither of these shows is in the bubble. These shows exist in a world very reminiscent of our own, and homophobia and the expectations of society at large and how queer people should conform are very much present themes in these stories.

And with that, NiNi, take us in!

NiNi

Why is NiNi always taking us in? NiNi never knows what's happening here. [laughs]

00:08:40 - Marahuyo Project: A Queer Activist's Story

NiNi

So first up we're going to talk about the Marahuyo Project from the Philippines. Ben, what is Marahuyo Project about?

Ben

About how that thankfully ANIMA Studios is not dead and Gaya sa Pelikula is not the last thing we're gonna see from them. JP Habac is still out there, friends, and he's still making stuff.

Marahuyo Project is a kind of, like, a romance drama, sorta, about a young man named King. He is a queer activist at his school in Manila and he does not like the dean of his school. He ends up fussing with her and to piss her off, he ends up making out with his friend in front of her. She tries to separate them and he throws her to the ground accidentally, gets expelled for laying hands on her. And so he is sent away to the town of Marahuyo, a town very far from Manila, and he has to figure out how to exist in this community that doesn't have very much of an out queer network here. He decides to build an LGBTQIA+ organization on campus. And as with everything with these sort of stories, as soon as one person starts coming out, other people start coming out quite loudly in response, or not so loudly in other ways. This show is really fascinating because they insisted on using the entire LGBTQIA+ acronym, and they were intentional about that.

Adrian Lindayag played King in this and he was also in The Boy Foretold by the Stars, which I forced Shan to watch. And she did not like it!

Shan

You sure did. Forced is the right word.

Ben

And she did not like it!

[Ben and Shan laugh]

Shan

I did not like it! But I loved Adrian. I was so excited to see him get another show, and a frankly much better written show. [laughs]

Ben

And his friend who he kisses in the first episode is played by Tommy Alejandrino, who was the lead in The Day I Loved You, a show that I really loved. And I thought it was really special and kind of interesting that this show led in its very first episode with a kiss between two boys whose actors had played kind of femme-y characters before this. That felt really intentional.

I actually want to start with you, NiNi, because you grew up in an island community. I actually want your perspective on King being moved from the metro of Manila to an island that doesn't really have a stable power grid for all day power, and how you feel about him going from an urban center to a rural town.

NiNi

It's so funny. I grew up in Trinidad and the southern Caribbean. Trinidad is considered a quote-unquote rich country and I grew up in the city. But I have friends who grew up in the country. My own family is from the country. My aunt used to tell stories, leaving town and going down to the country to spend time with her father's family, with her grandmother, sometimes with her cousins, and my friends now tell stories about that kind of stuff, as well. There's even a joke sometimes that if you got into trouble in town they would send you down south which is more rural. Or they would send you to live with your grandmother in Manzanilla, which is another rural area. So, there's some elements of that to the stories that I knew about the way that people grow up. And so there's a lot about Marahuyo that reminded me, not just of parts of Trinidad, but of other parts of the Caribbean that I'm familiar with and people that I know and that I'm friends with, have grown up in.

So the whole thing about getting sent to country, it was so familiar in a lot of ways. That whole thing about not having power, or having these village politics kind of mentality about a lotta things. And ways that people can surprise you as well, because you have certain expectations of people who come from those kinds of communities and that kind of background and those kinds of situations where, you know, oh, you don't have lights, what do you know about anything? People make assumptions about people being backward or whatever, and actually no, that's not how it is. So this had a hint of familiarity to it in terms of the story.

Also, I was glad to see it because so many Filipino stories are set in metro Manila or are set in the pretty tourist parts, not places like Marahuyo. I really enjoyed seeing that aspect of life in the Philippines. It felt very homey to me in a lot of ways. But this is one of the things that I enjoy about Filipino drama and about Filipino BL. A lot of these BLs are coming from countries that do feel familiar to me, but Filipino BL in particular has that ring of familiarity to me in a way that some of these other places don't.

Shan

NiNi, I think what you said about the assumptions people have about people who live in these more isolated places in the country or, like, on a small island, is really such an important thing that informed this story. Because King stormed onto that island with his big city attitude and he assumed that every single person he met was a hick who would never understand him. And I think one of the best parts of this story was seeing him have his eyes opened to the reality that there are queer people everywhere and there are people who can understand him everywhere and he has to be open to seeing them and connecting with them. I thought that was such an important piece of the journey that he went on as the main character of this story. I really loved the way the show peeled back those first assumptions that he had about a lot of the people he met in Marahuyo.

Ben

It's very clear that King was sent to Marahuyo in the hopes that isolating him there digitally and physically would sort of, like, contain him. And it didn't. He seemed to adapt to his circumstances fairly quickly, even as he demanded that those circumstances [laughs] also adapt to him. I thought it was really interesting that they sent him to the mom who abandoned him essentially to hang out and live with his grandmother who's always had his back. That was probably one of the most unexpected dynamics in the whole show. I was not expecting that complex set of interactions where the grandma was so on his side that she had put a whole pride flag in his room and had dresses ready to help his friend, but the mom's still sorting her shit out.

Shan

I loved the nuance of that, because… it can be complicated. We are shaped to some degree by our families and by the people who raised us, but we're also shaped by the world we live in. And I thought it was a cool choice to have King have an accepting and loving grandmother. His mother did not learn her fear and her bigotry from her own mother. And I think that's an interesting choice that really reflects reality.

Ben

I think what worked really well about having his grandma be so queer friendly is that when she tells him to give Marahuyo a chance, the growth arc that you mentioned is possible because he's able to receive that message from someone he trusts and respects, who he knows also trusts and respects him. I think that that sets him up to be open to learning things. ‘cause he spends the beginning of almost every episode giving us a small lesson in Filipino queer history, particularly as it pertains to colonization.

I was gonna go to NiNi for that one and see if you had thoughts about that because you've spoken at length about the diasporic experience and living under extensive colonialism.

NiNi

I mean, how much time do we have to have this conversation?

Ben

Probably five to eight minutes.

[all laugh]

Shan

Yeah, do your whole talk on colonialism in five minutes, NiNi.

NiNi

Oh my god, okay, no pressure. Yeah, I think that's one of the reasons that Filipino BL in particular does speak to me because of that colonized experience. The colonized experience is so specific and so similar all over the world, no matter where you were colonized or who you were colonized by. You recognize it in people, you recognize it in the society, you recognize it in the environment. The way that the Philippines is so Catholic and Catholicism is all over this story. How Catholicism has harmed people, how people find shelter in it, how people find safety in it, it's all over this.

And one of the things about coming from a place that was colonized is that you have this sort of weird love/hate relationship with the people and the places and the experiences of the colonizer. On the one hand, like, revolution, resistance, that's part of it. And that's part of what King is dealing with as well. Talking about the parts of history that get hidden by the colonizer because it's inconvenient to them or they wanna bury some particular truth. That's the resistance part, but also the part where people are talking about things like tradition and gentility and all that stuff that the various deans, because it's two deans—three deans, I think—in this story. And they're all talking about things like propriety and respectability. And those are things that you're fighting against every single day, where those ideas even come from is a place in yourself that you sort of recognize, but you fight against every day. The experience of being colonized does a number on your head, it does a number on your society. It is wild to experience.

One of the things that I enjoyed about this is that it did give me that kind of feeling of wanting something out of the experience that you're not even sure what it is. Like you want revolution, but you also want all the things that the colonizer told you to have. It's this bizarre feeling.

Shan

It’s a mindfuck.

NiNi

Yeah, it is a mindfuck. And it's a hard thing to explain to anybody who hasn't had the experience.

00:20:24 - Marahuyo Project: On Queerness

Ben

I wanna start moving into our character specific discussion. When King first gets to the island, he has a very weird meet cute [Shan laughs] with like the island's favorite boy who's the scion of their most beloved or most successful, whatever, family—the Soliman family—where a, like, shit ton of fish gets thrown in the air. [laughs]

Shan

There's so many fishes!

NiNi

He literally gets showered in fish and I'm like, this is so clever. Like, as a joke, it was a very good joke.

Shan

Very effective.

NiNi

It was a very effective joke. And as a metaphor, also extremely effective. It was so good. This is the kinda shit that JP Habac excels at.

Ben

I knew you were gonna love that. So, right away, because King won't shut the fuck up about the fact that he's queer, he ends up finding a trans girl in his class almost immediately, who's also beefing with the local priest, who ends up going by the name of Venice. And the two of them team up and decide they're gonna start their own LGBTQIA+ organization. And Venice, was like, we added more letters? Wait, what?! [laughs] How do I say all of those?

Shan

I love my naive girl. She doesn't know anything.

Ben

She's so pretty. [laughs] Also, shout out to Venice for eating in, like, every scene—

Shan

Every scene!

Ben

—for eight episodes.

NiNi

So much rambutan, I swear.

Shan

Always eating rambutan specifically, not just eating, eating this specific island fruit. [laughs] She loves ‘em.

Ben

So, Ino's family is very beloved on this island and Ino is the first obstacle they think they have to get past to getting their organization approved. But very quickly we suss out that Ino is likely closeted. And then we confirm that he's closeted in a really interesting bit we'll get into in a bit.

I wanted, while we're here talking about the island politics, NiNi, to talk about the reveal we get later on that Ino’s ancestor, who his family has all of this pride for, exists because he outed a queer man and then robbed him. And then the island community built a tradition around the poetry that they stole from a queer man, who they then basically drove to death.

NiNi

Yeah. This is a comedy, by the way.

[all laugh]

NiNi

I just had to fire that one out.

Shan

We started with all this super serious stuff. It sounds like such a heavy show. And it is, kind of, but it doesn't feel heavy. It just deals with heavy things.

Ben

The themes are actually heavy when you think about them, but because you've got really optimistic and energetic young people, it doesn't feel as heavy as it actually is.

NiNi

It really doesn't. But I mean, again, this is a story of colonization. Things get stolen all the time. Your own history gets stolen from you. And you have to go back into history and find your truths. So that work of uncovering and unearthing and archiving and storytelling and passing things down from generation to generation, that is real active work that takes place every single day in a colonized place. Unlearning a lot of what the colonizer tells you about yourself. All of that is part of the colonized experience and that's what I was really gratified to see them tackling in this show. This idea that they hid the truth from you and now you have to not only go and learn the truth but tell it to as many people as possible.

Shan

Yeah, and I think it's really meaningful that they found out this truth via a story told to them by an elder on the island who they just kind of happened upon.

Ben

But it happened because they were doing research. They were trying to justify their organization and it was recommended to them that they show that this organization would be good for Marahuyo as it currently is, not just because some kid from Manila says they need to have this. And so the trio that had formed at that point was doing real research into the history of the town itself, and that's what eventually led them to asking this woman about this history.

Shan

Yeah, and to tie that into the romance, which you kind of alluded to, Ben, but we haven't really talked about is, King and Ino, they start with a very antagonistic relationship. Over time we figure out this antagonism on Ino's side is because King is pulling things out of him that he's trying to suppress. He feels uncomfortable because he is a closeted queer kid and King is loudly and forcefully demanding that folks recognize his queerness and also the queerness within themselves. And so, they have an uncomfortable dynamic that starts to smooth out over time as they get to know each other and understand each other better and as Ino decides to kind of push back his fear and start helping King try to make this club happen.

So it's in that context that they're on this research trip and they go to this elder and she sits them down and she tells them this story. And that is how Ino finds out that his whole family legacy is built on a lie and that his ancestor harmed somebody who's just like him, a gay man who did nothing wrong. All he did was profess his feelings for somebody who didn't return them. And he was destroyed over that. That is what Ino's family legacy was built on. Finding that out was just a huge moment of despair for him. And in some ways brought him and King closer together as they worked through that, and in other ways made it even harder, I think, to imagine being able to be with someone like King, who's so open and so free. It was a really beautiful moment and it was a really important moment, both in the romance and in the broader story.

NiNi

There's two things that you said there, Shan, that I actually want to pull out. The part that you said about Ino’s ancestor having harmed somebody whose only sin was expressing feelings to somebody who didn't return them. I actually, I can't remember exactly, but wasn't the story that he did return the feelings and then panicked about them, or something like that? I can't remember.

Shan

I think we don't know.

Ben

That part is unclear.

Shan

It's a speculation.

Ben

What we learned, based upon what is provable, that he had written poems about his unrequited love for the Soliman ancestor. And then the Soliman ancestor unintentionally—or maybe intentionally—discovered these poems. He had not been given them. I think that's a big part of this too, is that—what's his name, Nalundasan—was outed. And then the Soliman ancestor turned on him in a vile way. And that ended horribly. And—

Shan

So we don't know if he turned on him because he was afraid, because he was suppressing his own queerness, or if he was just a garden variety, homophobic heterosexual man. We don't know.

Ben

I think what also makes me particularly sad about that story is Nalundasan, the person that they harmed in this, had performed a role as a community and cultural leader. And had chosen to closet himself, he left descendants behind. He formed a marriage and had kids. This was just the part of his life that he was not able to express, so he expressed it in his poetry that he had kept private until it was made public. And that part is really sad too, because Ino is closeted and knows it.

A lot of times in BL, a lot of these guys are, like, untapped sexual beings who are activated by the power of BL and product placement. In this story, most of the characters are well aware of how they feel about who they are and what's going on with them. King definitely knew who he was the whole time. His loud gay ass showed up with his mullet and was like, you can't tell me what to do.

Shan

His rainbow mullet.

Ben

Speaking of his mullet, I have to get this out on the podcast. I will never forgive his mother for cutting his hair while he was asleep. That was horrible and vile. And the only thing saving her from these knives is she's played by Sue Prado.

[Shan laughs]

NiNi

No, but legit, the fact that the show lets this go really upset me. Because it was such a violation. When it happened, I gasped. And the show gave it a lot of grace and let it go and that did not sit right with my spirit, I have to say.

Ben

I agree.

00:30:16 - Marahuyo Project: Our Characters

Ben

Ino is an interesting queer character in that when he sees King right away, he sees him almost as a threat, because Ino is trying not to draw attention to his own queerness. Like, it's clear he maybe wants to leave at some point and then deal with his shit. And he can feel that he's not going to be able to get away with that around King. He's also drawn to King because, I mean, why wouldn't he be? He's tall, he's really pretty. He wears ridiculously gay shirts. Some of them show off his midriff.

Shan

And he's brave! He's brave in a way that—

Ben

So brave!

Shan

—-Ino wishes he was. That's the thing, right?

NiNi

There's so much about King and King and Venice in particular that had me thinking a lot about the importance of the people who can't hide.

Ben

Mmhmm.

NiNi

And what they mean to the community and what it means for them to be out there at the vanguard, taking all the shit and how that's almost never recognized or rewarded or anything like that. But it's so important for the ones who are like Ino, the ones who are like Archie, to see the Kings and the Venices just loud and out in front and visible and unhideable and unapologetic and what that means. And the show really made you feel that. It made you feel not just that King and Venice are brave, but also how important what they were trying to do was, what the mission for them was.

Ben

It's also interesting too because their mission is not academic for them. King was dealing with homophobia even in Manila. Then he lands in Marahuyo and he's like, same shit different day. That man got called a slur and was like “hmph, uncreative.” And I was like, wow, they're throwing slurs around in these shows again. Finally, mask off. And I was weirdly relieved that the show was mask off about its homophobia because it's very frustrating sometimes to talk about shows where the homophobia is kind of subtle. And you have to argue with people about your interpretation, where they think you're being cruel to the show for recognizing what the show is doing. I like that that wasn't an issue here, thank you, JP Habac!

But in terms of what Venice is dealing with and what Archie and Ino are dealing with, queerness is also not academic for them either. King is not the first other homo they've ever encountered, because we learn that Ino's father almost or temporarily left his family for a love with another man and then chose to come back to his family and stay with their mom. And his dad explains that he loves Ino's mom and wants to be her husband even if it means he cannot enjoy his attraction to men. So, Ino is dealing with, like, a double closet in his life where the whole fucking town knows about his dad steppin’ out on his mom with a man.

We learn that Venice and Archie lost their friend.

Shan

Should we do, Ben, a rundown of the characters? ‘Cause we haven't really done that yet.

Ben

We probably should. Let's go down the whole cast!

Shan

Let's go down the list.

Ben

We've got King, our favorite gay boy with a mullet that should not have been lost. [Ben and Shan laugh] We have Ino, who's our big man on campus who gets his shit rocked. We've got Venice, everyone's favorite local trans girl. Who eats rambutan all the time.

[Ben and Shan laugh]

Shan

She loves those fucking rambutans.

Ben

Hanging around the local priest all the time is Archie, Venice's former friend who has pulled back on his friendship with Venice because of the death of their friend, who he repeatedly deadnames over the course of the show until he finally cracks through the core of his grief.

Archie is a complex character to talk about because he is also queer in some way and suffering in his own closet. And he's choosing a path that leads him to the priesthood as a way to survive under the pressures of the homophobia he lives under.

NiNi

So many thoughts about that.

Shan

Yeah, let's not, let’s not lose sight of the girls. Let's not go down the Archie Road yet. We also have—

Ben

Lorena! Aka Lorie. Lorie is probably some kind of queer. Might be bi, might be a lesbian, might be asexual. It's very clear—

Shan

She's figuring it out.

Ben

—she's still figuring it out by the end of the show. We are not going to label her here because she has not chosen one for herself. She is sorting through her own angst with men because of her own father's infidelity. And she's very close to her friend, Lili, who is eventually revealed to be probably intersex. And it's very clear that their friendship is extremely important to them in a way feels romantic on Lili's end, but Lorie is still sorting through. But the reveal from Lili to Lorie about this truth about her is one of my favorite moments in the whole show.

And then there's that asshole Marco who ruins it like five minutes later. I hate that boy.

Shan

Marco, our villain.

Ben

I hate that boy.

Shan

He's really the most villainous character in the show.

Ben

I hate that boy so much!

Shan

He's the worst. He's the fucking worst.

Ben

[laughs]I hate him. I hate him so much! Mmmmmm.

Shan

This is a story that takes place on a small island, but it’s also in a school. So there are school dynamics at play here with this group and how they come together. King and Venice connect pretty much right away when he gets there because they are both visibly queer and they latch onto each other. And King is very much, as Ben said earlier, an activist. He is loud and proud and he demands respect for his existence. And he also wants to create space for other people like him, or somewhere on the queer spectrum to have pride and to be able to come out and have space, too. Venice is very classic sunshine character. That girl is so pretty and so dumb and she's just the nicest girl, just ever! [laughs] But she just doesn't really know much. She doesn't know much about queerness because she's been very isolated. So King is teaching her about what it means to be a queer activist, what some of these terms mean, what it means to try to fight for your space, ‘cause she has been in a space of insisting on living as herself, but also accepting that in some ways she would have to just be quiet and conform to get by in the school, and King doesn't find that acceptable. So they latch onto each other through that.

And then Lorie is the mayor's daughter, so she has a lot of status in the town, similar to Ino, who’s part of this family that is the big legacy family. So they both have a lot of positional power within the school and within the community, which they use over the course of the story to help with the club and helping some of these other kids who are more like outcasts. Lili is friends with Lorie and that's her social entree in the school. Archie is part of the local church and close with the priest, which gives him a kind of authority too. He's seen on the island as almost like the deputy priest.

Ben

I have to say it, he has the authority given to an overseer.

Shan

Exactly. That is definitely his role. He's kind of a cop.

And Marco is just a little asshole who’s just a fucking asshole to everybody all the time. And they're all in school together, they're in this forced proximity and King and his arrival to the island really awakens in a lot of these kids who are queer but have been suppressing it, who are closeted either knowing or not, he really awakens in them this kind of connection to their own queerness. And they have varying responses to that. Some of them really joyfully wanting to come and be part of what he's building. Some of them being really afraid of it. We see the whole spectrum of responses there.

Ben

I think what also really works for me in terms of how this felt particularly queer, there's two big things. First, spoiler alert, they do not get to have their club. They are not given official approval for their club, but then they go, fuck you, we don't need it anyway. And then they have their march regardless. I love that.

The other part I like is that we have three characters who agree to out themselves in some way by trying to pursue the organization that they want to have. You get King, who's like, “I'm gay. You can use whatever slurs you want. They apply.” You got Venice, who's chosen to stay optimistic despite the death of Christina. And then you've got Lorie, who's like, you guys suck. I have way more fun with these guys. I'm going over there with them. And then each of them ends up holding the confidence of someone else who is closeted that they're close to.

King is developing a romance with Ino, Venice is holding the confidence of Archie, who does not come out over the course of this show. He's still closeted in the end and cheering for them from the closet. Something that I really appreciate the show doing. There are still people in our communities who do not feel safe enough to come out. And Lorie is holding Lili's confidence about her truth about being intersex. And I like that those three did not betray that confidence to each other. I thought that was a really important thing that the show did because when you are protecting someone who's closeted, the best way to do that is to shut the fuck up. You don't even tell people who could be trusted with that info because it's not your info to share.

That's the big point about protecting closeted people, is, if they're gonna come out, they need to feel like it's something that they have control over. What's so evil about Marco is he went out of his way to take that moment from Lili because she embarrassed him because he wouldn't stop sexually harassing Lorie.

NiNi

Yeah, I do like that you get three different takes on that whole, I guess you could call it end game, of the closet because you've got Archie who stays in, you've got Ino who comes out, and then you've got Lili who gets outed. And then you get to see how each of those things impact the characters. I found that to be really, really interesting to watch.

00:42:09 - Marahuyo Project: The Christina Story

Shan

We should talk more, we've been alluding to it, but we should fully elaborate on the backstory with Archie and Venice because it is, I think, one of the most touching stories that this show told.

So Archie and Venice and their friend Christina grew up together. They have been best friends since childhood. We don't get every detail, but what we do learn over time is that Christina, like Venice, was trans and somewhere in her transition and in her coming out, something went very badly for her and she ended up, presumably, ending her own life. This created very different responses in Archie and in Venice. Venice kind of carried on, she's a very optimistic person at heart and she carried on that way, kept Christina's memory close, and continued to live in her truth as a trans woman and carry that forward. Archie became so deeply afraid of queerness and the way that it could damage somebody's life that he locked up tight, and as a result of that, rejected Venice and her transition.

When the story begins, he seems like—on the surface—just this hateful bigot. He's constantly deadnaming Venice and Christina. He is disapproving of Venice. He doesn't support her. And then you find out more about this history that they share together. And you find out more about what motivates him and how ultimately at the root of it he really is just so terrified for Venice that she will end up like Christina. And he thinks, wrongly of course, that preventing her from transitioning is going to save her life. And that is what is driving his behavior. What a nuanced story to tell about what is normally reduced to something so simple and hateful.

The emotions between Archie and Venice are so complex. And Venice, because she's a very kind and generous person, she has a lot of space for Archie. She understands why he's behaving the way he is, and she gives him a lot of grace around it. And she really tries to support him. Like, he is so afraid and doing so much to suppress his own queerness that it's manifesting physically for him. We see throughout the show he's got this anxiety habit of scratching at his neck. It gets gross, like, to the point where he's basically scratching—

Ben

It was gross.

Shan

—his skin off.

Ben

If you have any phobias or squicks around people self harming because they've been scratching at themselves too much. You're gonna want to maybe be ready to look away when they show the back of Archie's neck—

Shan

Yeah, be prepared.

Ben

—because he's legit tearing his own body apart. They manifest how deeply he's tearing himself apart in the way he's scratching up his neck. It's really uncomfortable to watch.

Shan

It is. And so Venice sees that, and she has a lot of sympathy for him. She understands why he's behaving in this way. And she doesn't tell anybody else. That's their private personal history. And she doesn't think it's hers to tell. It's just a really nuanced look at how these fears and anxieties and how suppression of your own queerness can manifest in these different forms of self-harm and harm to others. I just, I found it to be such a beautiful and touching story that didn't get all the way resolved by the end of the show, because you don't just fix something this deep overnight.

NiNi

I think that the colonized thing adds another layer to this as well because the place that Archie is running towards, running away from himself, is the church. That's the colonial ramification. That's the idea that respectability will save you. That comes from the colonizer. All of that stuff is on top of all this other stuff that's happening with Archie. It's something that I recognize from people that I know, people that I grew up with, people who grew up in the Catholic Church, definitely, but also in other traditions that are imported traditions, that are colonizer traditions. This idea that if you are part of the establishment, if you are part of what they value, if you are somehow involved in that stuff, then you're safe. These ideas are not uncommon to even uncolonized societies, but there's a whole different layer and level of it that you get in colonized societies or societies that were colonized.

I don't even know if I can accurately describe how it works, but just know that there's layers to this shit. And one of those layers is Archie trying to disappear into the Catholic Church.

Ben

My favorite thing about Archie, too, was despite how awful he seemed at first, they gave us signs early on that there was more going on here. There was the way that Venice didn't sneer at Archie. She mostly looked annoyed and disappointed. Like, it was clear that they had a relationship. And there was a moment when an adult stormed in on their party and Venice was in a dress. Archie, from the shadows, reaches out to her back and tries to pull her back from being seen because he's worried that something might happen to her. And I'm like, never mind. I know where the story is going! And I was way less worried about Archie.

By the time we get the reveal about what happened to Christina, Archie is the one who is seemingly the most visibly devastated by this loss. So, all of his cruelty towards them was given context for me that doesn't make it okay, but humanizes it. This is not the best way to cope with this, because shoving your other friend into a closet is not going to help her either. But I understand that this is how you're trying to cope. It's not helping you, either. But I understand you.

00:48:52 - Marahuyo Project: Parents and Children

Ben

So, on a lighter note! [laughs] Since we've talked about a lot of sad things here.

Shan

Here we go! This is a comedy. Let's remember. [laughs]

NiNi

I was just about to say.

Ben

On a lighter note, one of the most absolutely fantastic things about this show was the way that they had Adrian constantly breaking the fourth wall to look at us and kiki with us as the audience.

Shan

Yes! Whenever King would look at us, I would get so thrilled. [laughs] And he was always pulling the best faces. [laughs]

Ben

Adrian is really funny. Adrian, I don't think you'll ever hear us because we're a tiny little podcast, but we loved your work, sir. I loved your work and all three things I've seen you do. It was great. We love you. Thank you for the gift of King and the gift of Dominic.

Shan

Do you have a favorite fourth wall break? Mine was when [laughs] he looked at the camera when Ino was talking to him by the water and was like, “oh my god, he loves me.”

Ben

Yeah, that was the one for me!

[Ben and Shan laugh]

Shan

I love that kid so much.

Ben

I liked the little march they did at the end. I don’t think the mom deserved to be there. And I don't know about Ino's dad deserving to be there, but grandma deserved to be there and I'm glad she was there. I liked seeing them all walk together because it's a cool visual, even if I think it's not wholly earned by some of the time that they had available.

Let's talk about Ino's mom. Ino's mom clocks very quickly when she starts seeing him hang around King that clearly he's gay, too. And she's like, what the fuck? What are you gonna do to our family? And he pushes back on that because he was ready for that particular fight. I was really proud that for a kid who they've been grooming to speak in front of crowds and talk about stuff, he was able to hold his ground against his mom. And I was really frustrated with his dad. I did not think his dad gave him any useful perspective or advice at all. And that was a real failure.

Shan

That man was useless.

NiNi

I actually found the dad to be really sad. I think the dad was included almost as a cautionary tale? Because the dad just seemed so beaten down by his whole life, by everything that had happened to him, by all the choices that he had made. Yes, he's trying to make it so that his son doesn't have to make the same choices that he made once he realizes what's going on. Because the other thing is that he definitely buries his head in sand a little bit about Ino because of his own background and his own history.

Ben

I think that's the only way to read him.

Shan

He definitely was.

Ben

I don't think we got really great answers about Judy, King's mom either, about why she left.

Shan

That was one of the disappointments for me. I really loved the show. I didn't think it was perfect. It had a couple areas where I think it could have been stronger and one of the primary ones was on Judy. I really wanted to understand her better because we know her mother, we know that she wasn't raised to be this way. So bigoted, so afraid. And I don't really feel like we ended the show understanding better why she left King. Why she treated him the way that she did. I just, I wanted to get a little bit deeper down into what was going on with her. And I just don't think we ever got there.

NiNi

Well, maybe the show didn't get there, but I got it. I know so many Judys. She left the country, went to the big city, fell in love with this man. I don't know what happened with her and the husband, but whatever it is, plus the whole thing with King, she didn't know how to deal with it. She ran straight home to the arms of something simpler and more familiar. It has nothing to do with the way that she was raised. It has everything to do with that, like, colonized mentality. Her life went to shit and it was because she didn't do the things that in her mind she was supposed to. Because I guarantee that she rebelled against her own mother, not just in running away to Manila, but also I am sure her mother's such a free spirit, she's definitely straight-laced, I'm telling you. It's a story that I've seen so many times.

I agree that it wasn't on screen, but for me it was a shortcut. Like, I saw Judy, I saw the grandmother, I was like immediately I got it.

Shan

Yeah, I appreciate that. I definitely needed the show to actually go there, [laughs] especially because like, this is a woman who abandoned her child and I wanted to understand why. And I wanted to understand the way that she chose to interact with him even after he came to live with her. And they just never dug into it. That was a bit of a disappointment for me.

Ben

Big fan of this show never showing us King's dad, fuck that dude.

Shan

Yeah, we didn't need to see him. I don't care about that.

Ben

I also want to talk about… one of my favorite things was despite having limited connectivity on the island, King did not lose touch with his bestie in Manila, who called that man out on his shit every single time he got her on the phone. [laughs] It's very important when you're gay and extra that you have somebody who tells you when you're doin’ too much.

NiNi

You do need a get a grip friend. And she was definitely the get a grip friend. It's one of the things that JP Habac likes to do, because he did the same thing with Vlad and his friend Sue in GSP [Gaya sa Pelikula]. She was not there, but she was his get a grip friend. She's the one who called him out on, like, sad dancing to The 1975.

I love a get grip friend, my favorite type of character.

00:54:54 - Marahuyo Project: Final Thoughts and Ratings

Ben

My last positive comment about this show—I'm lying, I probably have hundreds more—[Shan laughs] is this show wore its politics on its sleeves, but in a way that didn't feel preachy. There's a really great moment where King is pushing back on a lesson they're having about fucking Machiavelli's The Prince. Oh my! [exhale sound] I went to an all male Catholic school, I have strong thoughts about [laughs] Machiavelli.

I love King reminding people in that whole stupid argument that no social progress has ever been made by people being very polite to the powers that be. Every form of welfare and the social safety net that we all expect and rely upon, people fought and bled for. And I liked that there was not really a response to that. Are there any social services that you rely upon and expect? People died for that. So shut the fuck up.

Great work. A+.

NiNi

And there's some little things that I want to really pick up the show on. The whole Balagtasan tradition, the debate in verse, it was so beautiful. I really enjoyed listening to the debate on a musical level, almost. And while we're talking about music again, this is from the people who did Gaya sa Pelikula. So of course the music was gonna be bangin’.

Ben

This soundtrack, this soundtrack fucks!

Shan

Let me actually get the name of the song because holy shit, one of my favorite songs that I have ever heard in a drama. Let me pull it up.

NiNi

Which one are we talking about? Di Inakala or Magpatuloy?

Shan

My favorite song in this drama, so beautiful, it's called Di Inakala by Paul Pablo. Gorgeous.

Ben

It really is.

Shan

It was used in the romance arc.

NiNi

It's fabulous.

Shan

What was the one you really liked, NiNi?

NiNi

I like, there's a song called Magpatuloy by Mijon and that song, I listen to literally every day now, every single day. One of the things I always love—

Shan

Beautiful.

NiNi

—about this team, about JP Habac, and he works with music supervisor Patricia Lasaten, they always pull out Filipino artists and songs in Filipino language front and center when they're doing music for their shows and I love it. I've learned about so many great artists and gotten into so much great music because of this team.

Ben

We're gonna have to move on ‘cause now I'm gonna start talking about the consent part of their first kiss and how great that was. The show's great! Please go watch it.

Let's finally rate this show. Let's go around the board. Shan, rating?

Shan

I gave this show a 9. I loved it. I think it's beautiful. I think it is required viewing for anybody who cares about queer drama, good community drama, good Filipino drama. There's just so many reasons to watch it. It has a bit of rough edges around some of the storytelling decisions. I don't think it's a perfect show, but it is beautiful and I intend to rewatch it and I hope everybody listening to this will watch it if you haven't already.

Ben

NiNi, rating?

NiNi

I also give this a 9 because I do agree that the things around King's mom sort of hung there. I don't think they necessarily had to be resolved, but they weren't really even addressed very much. So that would be why I dinged it, but it is a fantastic show.

Ben

My public rating for this show is a 10. I do think it's one of those shows that anybody should watch. And if you are one of the listeners who likes what I have to say about things and is curious about how I think about stuff, it's one of those shows that I beg people to watch. It's one of those shows that you show people: here’s a short list of shows to watch to understand me as a person.

I think everybody should watch it. I agree with you both. Not a perfect show. Has some rough edges, but in terms of me recommending it to people, I'm givin’ it a 10. Top of the list. Go watch this. Right now.

NiNi

So two nines and a ten, okay, I'm not mathing today. We're gonna give it a 9.5 from The Conversation.

Shan

Feels right.

Ben

I think a 9.5 from us is correct. It is an incredibly good show with a couple of quibbles we have about mostly the way they handled some of the adult storylines. But I think the youth storylines are crystal clear and really well-executed. And we get to see a side of queerness that we very rarely see. It’s a beautiful show. Please watch it.

00:59:48 - Ossan no Pants

NiNi

Let's move on now to the next show that we're going to talk about, and it is called—let me see if I can get this correct…Ossan no Pantsu ga Nandatte Ii Janai ka!…I totally butchered that. English title is Don't Care for an Old Man's Underwear!

I just started watching this today so I'm very excited to discuss what of it I have seen and I am just prepared for the spoilers that are going to come. So Ben, what is Oppan about?

Ben

About how if we give Japan 50 minutes to tell a story, they're gonna use that time well! [laughs]

Shan

So well!

Ben

Oppan is about this man named Okita Makoto, who is a kind of upper-middle manager of a printer sales company. He is very much a salaryman type who is upholding a lot of casual misogyny because this is what he is taught to do, and he believes he's filling in the role that's expected of him. He goes to work every day. He works really hard. He sacrifices everything of importance that matters to him to be present for the work. and he leaves the household matters to his wife. And it's not going that great!

He finds himself feeling distant from his wife, distant from his daughter who doesn't seem to like him; and their family is dealing with the crisis because for whatever reason, his son—who he's never been able to feel close to—refuses to go to school and doesn't leave his room.

One day while walking to work, he almost falls down the stairs, because he lives in a walkable community, and is saved by a young gay man who catches him. The two of them have a little bit of bonding that comes from this. A friendship begins to grow between them. And over the course of this friendship, Makoto decides that he needs to change with the times and update himself, because he recognizes that he wants to better connect to people and what he's currently doing is not working.

And the rest of the show is about Makoto learning how to be a good friend to this young gay man who's near to graduating from veterinary school, his wife, his two children who are an adult and approaching adulthood, and his coworkers.

This is one of the kindest shows I've ever watched. When I tell you that a show about a misogynist was one of the most empathetic things I've watched this year, I am not being funny or being ironic. This show understands how everybody responds to societal misogyny, how it shapes them, hurts them, but doesn't have to be the end of their story. This was an absolutely delightful experience. I loved every single moment I spent with this show. Holy shit.

NiNi, before we get into Shan's impressions, because I have much I want to ask Shan about, you are three episodes in. Just give us some of your initial impressions and thoughts on how you're feeling about the characters, and some of the stories you've encountered so far.

NiNi

The only reason that this show works is because Okita loves his family. He really truly loves his family, and he doesn't want to lose them, and he knows that they're slipping away from him. And there are so many ways that that kind of story turns negative. In this instance, the show uses that love and that fear of losing his family, and turns it in a positive direction. He turns it in on himself and says to himself, “What can I do to not let this happen? How can I bring them back to me? What have I been doing wrong and what can I now start to try to do right?” And that's really what stuck with me.

We don't talk about this a lot in the world. I know this is a weird segue. Life is extremely hard on middle-aged men in the modern age, because they were told a certain way to be that has just, to their minds, vanished. They were told they were the main character and that everybody was around them to make sure that they succeeded. And that's gone, and they don't know how to deal with that. Watching a middle-aged man deal with that in a healthy way, in a way that looks at himself and says ‘I have to do better,’ I find incredibly satisfying. That spirit of, ‘I need to look at my life, look at my choices’ basically and ‘I need to fix the relationships in my life because I have broken them.’

01:05:18 - Ossan no Pants: Our Characters

Shan

I think we need to start with a little character cheat sheet.

Ben

Let's first name the Okita family members.

Shan

Makoto is our patriarch, as NiNi just so eloquently said, is the heart of this show, his journey. We have in his family, his wife Mika, his daughter Moe, and his son Kakeru. That’s our core family that we will keep coming back to.

Our other main character is Igarashi Daichi, and he is the young gay man who lives in the neighborhood who meets Makoto and kind of starts the journey that he's on. Daichi also has parents who are relevant to the story. Mihoko is his mother and his dad, we will just be referring to as ‘That Asshole.’

Ben

—Fuck that dude! Ho ho!

Shan

Fuck that dude. We don't need to give him a name.

Daichi also has a boyfriend who, in what I considered a bit of a revelation for this show, actually matters and has a story. Madoka is his name. He's very important. We'll talk about him.

We also have a broad constellation of side characters in this show. I will not name them all because there are far too many, but a few that I think are really important to know because they have important plot lines or are part of important plot lines for our family are Hasegawa, who is a schoolmate of Kakeru's who is on the baseball team; and Shizuka, who is a schoolmate of Kakeru's who bonds with him over a shared interest. And then we have Furuike, who is Makoto's senior at work. Those folks all have pretty important actual arcs in the show.

There are also other side characters who are Makoto's coworkers, Kakeru's schoolmates, and Moe's friends, but they're not as present in the narrative.

Good luck to our translator for having to do all those names. [Ben laughs] That's me, why am I, I'm giving myself luck!

It's a big cast. This is an ensemble show. It's a family drama. It is rooted within a family as the central unit of the story, and then we follow each of these family members on their own individual storylines that intersect with some of the other characters that we talked about.

Like, in terms of my overall feeling about this show, I just fucking love it. It is one of the best family dramas I've ever seen. It is one of the most thoughtful and smart shows that I have seen in the way that it takes the themes that it wants to explore and it really digs deep into them in a way that still feels really natural. Like, this show is absolutely intended to be educational television for a broad audience. And it also is just a really good drama that does not feel, usually, like an afterschool special. It feels like a very organic and natural story of a family and the people around them, rather than a show that's just sitting you down and preaching at you all the time, despite the fact that it is literally preaching at you a lot through the story and through its themes.

You know, I think NiNi's summary of, kind of, the core plot of the story and the purpose of the story was spot on. This is really rooted in Makoto's journey to do better, to recognize that he has damaged his own relationships with his inability to change and evolve with the times, that he is the one who needs to do some thinking and some learning. And I think what's so beautiful about this show is that he is able to do that through the kindness and the compassion of a stranger who sees potential in him, who sees an opportunity to engage him and to help him learn, rather than just dismissing him.

You really need both sides of that equation to make this work. You need somebody who is willing to admit that they're wrong and be open to learning. And you need someone who is willing to have patience for them and to see the good intentions behind some of their mistakes. And that's what you really get in Makoto and Daichi. They are the unconventional friendship that really powers this show, that gives Makoto the energy he needs and the knowledge he needs to do better by his family. And then in turn gives Daichi the support he needs when his life starts getting a little bit messier.

One of my favorite things about this show is that when it starts, you kinda get a little niggling in the back of your head, you're a little worried. You're like, is Daichi a manic pixie dream gay? Is he just here to be this fairy who blesses Makoto and helps him be better and is used as this font of wisdom? Or is he going to be a full human and a real person? And it's definitely the latter.

As the story goes on, we get his life filled in too. We learn about his struggles. We learn about his relationship. We learn about his family. We see him make mistakes, and we see him need to draw on strength from Makoto. This friendship becomes very mutual, and they change each other's lives. This is an all-time great drama. I love it. Everyone needs to watch it.

Ben

NiNi, I want to check in with you about Daichi at episode three, because you just got through the sequence where they went to the public bath together, and Makoto was trying to show Daichi some appreciation. And it was well intentioned, but kind of annoying. And Daichi got legitimately irritated in that moment and very politely told Makoto to step back.

I want to know how you feel about Daichi coming out of the sequences that happened in the public bath,

NiNi

I think the timing and pacing of that is actually perfect because I was just getting to the point in the story, having watched two and a half episodes of Daichi having what seemed like unending patience for Makoto and his foibles and his crass, sometimes crude expressions and the way that he is often unthinking before he says something. I was just getting to the point of being, does this kid not have any feelings or does he just exist to be Makoto's conscience and sounding board?

And then that moment in the tub happened and I was like, okay, so he does get pissed off. And he does get annoyed and he does get exhausted and he does get tired of having to deal with this shit.

Ben

Daichi joins a very short list of characters who are now my all-time favorites. He and Shiro are gonna live in my psyche for the rest of my life.

Daichi is so fascinating because he's a well-read, self-actualized queer character who has the full support of his mother, who has clearly dealt with a lot of homophobia. And we learned that he suffered in high school when he was outed. But he has chosen to proceed through the world with kindness and not assume the worst from people, because it burns you out. We get to experience Daichi's complicated romance with his closeted boyfriend.

And then the relationship he forms with Kakeru. Daichi is helping Kakeru because Kakeru might be going through some sort of queer awakening. He wants to have control over his gender presentation and he likes to be cute. He wants to be pretty. He wants to use feminine styling and cutesy girly things, because they make him happy. But he is not certain yet where he sits on the spectrum of sexuality. The big thing he hates the most is people projecting and presuming about him.

Shan

They really made a contrast here because Moe, Kakeru’s sister. She is so schlubby. She's like hair tossed up in a headband, unshowered, wearing, like, shapeless sweats. Just like looking like, you know, she didn't even bother with anything in the morning besides rolling out of bed. But then when she has to go out in the world and she does her hair and puts on makeup, she looks like a different person. The first time they showed Moe outside of the house all done up, I was literally like, who is that? Who the fuck is this girl? Why are we following her? It really took me a second to click in and realize that was Moe.

What I liked about the contrast there is that Kakeru, for him being pretty, coming on with these feminine styles, doing his makeup every day, that is what actually makes him happy. So he looks that way even when he's sitting in his own home. For Moe, that's not part of her self identity so much as part of the armor that she puts on in the world. They didn't comment on it at all in the show, but the visual contrast was there the whole time between these two siblings.

Ben

I love so much that Daichi was able to help Kakeru get himself out of that room by never telling him what to do, by always focusing on asking Kakeru questions to help Kakeru find the answer in himself. He often did the same with Makoto as well. He very gently corrected presumptions.

Like, he—Makoto asked a reasonable question. “My son likes to dress up like a girl. Is he trans, and what do I do about that?” And Daichi is like, “Well, he hasn't said he's trans, so let's not presume there, but let's think about trans people for a moment.” And I really love the way that that was handled because Kakeru tells us plainly that he does like being a boy, but he wants to be pretty.

There's the bit where Kakeru is leaving and he thanks his dad for what he did, and his dad, desperate to try and say something that helps his son is like, “You survived being my son for 17 years, you can handle anything.” And I was like, Oh, buddy. [laughs]

Man, I'm getting lost in all the characters I want to talk about. Let's go back one step and let's focus on Daichi. Daichi helps Kakeru by being gentle with him and letting him figure things out for himself, and then giving him encouragement and friendship when he needs it. And when we finally get to see Daichi's relationship with Madoka, it's complicated. He has an incredible meet-cute with the biggest man we've ever seen in a Japanese drama.

NiNi

I have seen that man! He is large!

Shan

That man is large. He's large.

NiNi, immediately: “Why did no one tell me there was a large man in this drama?”

NiNi

Ben and Shan can attest, literally I paused and I typed in the chat, “So who is this big one?” I was like, why is there a large man and nobody told me there was a large man here?

Ben

Shan is like, I feel like we failed on our strategy with needing to get her to watch this. We should have told her it was a big man. I'm just like, see, but then she would have felt like we were baiting her and she would have taken even longer to start. It's better that you discovered the large man—

Shan

—We decided to let you discover on your own.

Ben

—You needed to discover the large man on your own as a, as a pleasant surprise.

NiNi

Listen, it was very pleasant and very surprising, because all of a sudden he was just there and he was large and I was like—

Shan

There he is. Can't miss him. He's so big.

NiNi

—these bitches, these, these bitches didn't tell me that there was a large man here—

Ben

Nope!

NiNi

—I'm disappointed in you all. I will say that much. [laughs]

Ben

Nope. We got exactly what we wanted. Because you kept watching. You like, “There's a large man. Is he going to show up again?” And then you kept watching.

[Ben and Shan laugh]

NiNi

You…

Shan

Let's tell the people more about Madoka, Ben.

Ben

So Madoka is from a smaller community, and his family is anticipating his return home after completing his veterinary studies. He's going to take a position at a large clinic that's basically been prepared for him. He's expected to marry. And this is a huge amount of pressure on him. He doesn't want to disappoint his family and let them down because he's not shared this truth with them because he's afraid of that disappointment.

I think for a lot of us, that was my big thing that kept me in the closet. Because my family wasn't more homophobic than like a standard Southern cosmopolitan family. But they have these ideas about who you're going to grow up to be in the life that you might be sharing with them as you get older. And when you tell them this about yourself, you are shattering whatever image of your life that they had growing up, particularly when you were able to hide what you were.

Certain people cannot hide who they were. Daichi is one of those characters who could not hide who he was, and his peers made him suffer for it. And his father. Fuck that man. Fuck that man!

Shan

Seriously, fuck that man. We have nothing nice to say about him. Nothing!

Ben

But Daichi is being patient with Madoka, too, because he's not gonna demand like, “You have to come out so that we can be together.” He's patient with him and lets him sort through that. And the show lets that be as difficult as it needs to be. When these two eventually decide to marry, they have a stellar sequence that I will never get out of my brain. I don't wanna describe it further because you’re gonna watch this scene, NiNi, but know that the proposal sent all of the clowns into the stratosphere.

Shan

All of the clowns and all of the characters within the show as well.

[Ben and Shan laugh]

The people inside the show reacting to it happening were perfect mirrors of all of us at home reacting to it happening. It was so good. And that's a surprising thing in and of itself, that in this family drama that was meant to be more mainstream, we actually saw two gay men decide to marry each other. Same-sex marriage is still not legal in Japan. That doesn't mean that people don't want to commit to each other in a meaningful way, and I think it was really powerful to see these characters make that choice. As the show goes on, we learn more about Daichi's family and his horrible fucking father—

Ben

—Horrible man!

Shan

—and a fucking horrible homophobe who has made Daichi feel so isolated and small in so many ways. And we see this dynamic flip between him and Madoka, where he's been the one who's been patient and been strong while Madoka had to work out talking to his family. And then his horrible father comes back into the picture, and suddenly Daichi is the one who's having a crisis of confidence. And he doesn't know if he can commit to this life that he knows he wants because of the way that it disappoints his father, who he still has this attachment to.

To see them get the chance to support each other through those journeys and to come out the other side of it was just such a really meaningful part of this story. And the way that it tied back to the Okita family because they have come to love Daichi. They have their own relationships with him. He's so important to them in a number of different ways. And so they get very invested in his life. We talked earlier about how in these dramas, the side characters don't exist just to power a romance, right? These are not fujoshis. That's not what's going on here—

Ben

—Well, there is a fujoshi in the story. Like—

Shan

Although Moe does write—

Ben

—gay boys— [laughs]

Shan

Yeah, she's a mangaka. She does actually write yaoi manga, but she's not like that about Daichi and Madoka. They are real people to her. She's not looking at them as a fan girl. She's here for fictional romance only.

So, the Okita family really cares about this couple and wants to see them happy and is so deeply emotionally invested in them that it becomes part of their family story, too. It's just a really beautiful way that Daichi's family became very connected to the Okita family, and that all of them became a bit of a surrogate family for Madoka—whose own family by the end of the story does know more about him and have accepted him—but are kind of far away. So he gets this familial support system through these other two families coming together and surrounding him and Daichi with love.

NiNi

Shan you said something there about being surprised about how they got to a wedding. I'm actually not surprised because one of the things that Ben and I have been discussing about Japanese drama when we've been discussing it lately is how there seems to be a category of Japanese drama in like the last five to ten years I’d say which is what I've been personally calling normalization drama.

Me, My Husband, and My Husband's Boyfriend. She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat. Koisenu Futari. Like, there's a list of these shows, and this list is building up, of shows that are looking at, they would probably use the term 'alternative lifestyles'. But what it's about is normalizing these things because so much of what I understand about Japanese culture is about not standing out. It's about conforming. And the reason, and Ben and I have talked about this, that a lot of homophobia and stuff that comes out in Japanese dramas is more about how people are rocking the boat than necessarily about the queerness in particular sometimes.

One of the things that I have been looking at in these normalization dramas and in terms of what Japan tends to put in front of its audiences is about saying, “Look at these people, they're just like you. Isn't it lovely? Isn't it normal? These people are like us.” So I'm not surprised that this is something that came out of Japan.

Shan

I think that's a really accurate description of what this show is trying to do and why it does fit into that pattern. As we were watching live, it wasn't clear to us as we were going how much any of these side characters or storylines was going to get real attention. And so I think, honestly, I think we were all surprised that he was a real character, that Madoka got his own storyline, that he wasn't just there to be part of Daichi's backstory. That he wasn't just there to be a complication for Daichi, but that he became a character in his own right and got a whole story.

Like, this show really became a true ensemble piece. Makoto's at the center of it always, but this show really cared about every single character. Even the side characters. Like, the characters that you would normally expect to only kind of be in the backgrounds of scenes. Some of them really got to come to the fore for, like, limited periods of time and really shine.

One of my favorite side characters was Hasegawa, who is a classmate of Kakeru's, who was on the baseball team with Kakeru. One of my favorite little side stories in this show is that Hasegawa, he actually is really curious about Kakeru and he cares about why he has disappeared from school, and he wants to understand him. And he really makes an effort to reach out to him. He goes to Kakeru to ask for help with skin care because he has acne, and Kakeru gives him an amazing routine, buys him a whole slew of products and gives him—

Ben

—And it starts working like right away. That man's skin cleared up in like a week!

Shan

That boy looks amazing! His skin was cleared up within a week! He went to him for skincare help because he knew that that was a way to approach Kakeru that would be acceptable to him, and then use that as an in to try to rekindle their friendship. And eventually when Kakeru was ready, and felt like he could trust him again, they did start having more mutual exchanges and rebuilt their friendship.

I mean, listen, I can't lie. We all know I was shipping it. I know this is not real—

Ben

I did not feel bad for Makoto when he was like, “Kakeru seems to be having some very nice interactions with a boy. I mean—

Shan

He fully, he was like, does he like that boy?

Ben

—if that's where it's gonna go, we gotta make sure he knows. It's okay, son.”

Shan

Yeah, and we kind of knew it wasn't going to go there because that's not the point of the show. This is not a romance drama, and they already had a romance storyline that they were dealing with with Daichi and Madoka. But I was kind of shipping it, because this boy was such a nice boy. I really liked the way that this show made room for that. That one of the things that I think stands out the most about this show is how much empathy it has for all of its characters. Even the shitty dad.

This show has some empathy for him. We don't like him, but the show has space to understand his perspective. All of these side characters, the show really cares about giving space to who they are and revealing through context that they also have the chance if they're willing to take it to learn more and open their mind and be kind to others.

01:26:30 - Ossan no Pants: Key Character Arcs

Ben

I'm gonna blow through a lot of these characters to power through some of the arcs they went on.

NiNi, you watched episode two where Moe was determined to go to Comica to sell her manga to her readers. But the family was like, you're too sick. You cannot go to a public venue. And Makoto decides to step up and go sell the books for her and brings Daichi along to help. That was a really interesting episode for us to see Makoto step into Moe's passion and Moe's world and see what she values. And it's the beginning of the rebuilding of their relationship.

NiNi

The show isn't just about Makoto's relationship with Kakeru, it's about his relationship with his entire family. Because you see how disconnected he is from his family. Like, even the dog— ignores him.

Ben

—Carlos!

NiNi

Like, there's a whole side plot about the dog ignoring him. Okay? I have a lot of thoughts about men of a certain age. We are feminists on this show, and as feminists we actually do love men and want better for them. One of the things about this show is watching a man also want better for himself. Beautiful.

Anyway, he's become so disconnected from his family because he doesn't have any kind of interiority, he has no inner life, he has no conception of self beyond what society has given him. He has no hobbies, he has no things that are interesting for him. On a day when he's at home and all the rest of his family is out or doing something that means something to them, he's sitting at home because he doesn't have anything to do. And then he eventually ends up going out and getting drunk in the park because what else does he have to do, because he has no other interest because he's never been allowed to have this internal life.

And part of the show is about him actually doing that, and part of that story is him understanding his daughter's internal life because he's been so dismissive of what she does. She's a mangaka, she works on what we in fandom call the transformative works space.

Ben

[laughs] She's a doujin artist writing fic about her favorite characters.

Shan

I love her so much.

NiNi

She's fantastic. This is not something—yes, she makes money on it occasionally—but she does this for the love. This is a hobby for her. And he doesn't understand being so involved in something that you are not a professional at, you are an amateur in that sense of the word, but it's important to you. And what you do is important to people. It made me feel a lot of feelings about this podcast. I gotta be real with you. But anyway—

Ben

Aw, bestie!

[Shan laughs]

NiNi

It did, it really did. So him sort of stepping into her world and understanding that about her—to my mind the way that I saw it, it made him also feel a little bit sad that he doesn't have anything like that. I saw a little bit of sadness that even as he feels the joy of stepping into her world, and starting to understand his daughter a little more, and having them getting that little bit closer off of this interaction, and opening a little bit of a door for their relationship to start being repaired, I could see it raised a little bit of sadness in him as well. And I'm curious to follow that thread and see where it goes.

One thing that I've been really interested in, I realized that Mika, the mom, actually does have a job outside of the home. When she first called from work, in my head I'm like, did we know she had a job? And the fact that when he gets home, she's always got food prepared on the table for him. He never asks about it. He never says thank you about it. It's expected that it's gonna be there.

Ben

Good—

NiNi

He comes in at the end of the day. He never asks her about her day. He doesn't seem to have any interest. And I am waiting for him to realize. I am ready and excited to see how he starts repairing his relationships with each of these people in his family. Like he even has to repair his relationship with the dog at this point. That's how bad it's gotten.

Shan

[laughs] I'm so excited for you watching this show, NiNi. I do want to give Mika her due because she is the overlooked member of this family, she is doing so much of the invisible and emotional labor for the family. And the show does give her her due and you'll get to see all of that. It kind of builds on what you were saying about Moe and how she feels about the fandom stuff that she does.

Like, this show really understands fandom and what it means to people. Mika, she is a mother. She does have a job that you'll learn more about. And she's also a fan. She is a fan of a K-pop group called RANDOM. That actually ends up being a really important part of who she is and a part of her story with Makoto and his journey to understand her. They really take that seriously and they really help you understand and they motivate her obsession with this K-pop group and really root you in following them as a fan has done for her in her life, and allow Makoto to understand that too.

And when he gets there, when he finally fully clicks into what he owes to this group of K-pop idols who have given his wife something to feel joyful about is one of my favorite moments in the show.

Ben

So, Mika tells us about how she's given up a lot in her life to be the mom figure of this family. She was spiraling in a depressive state when Moe was having problems, Kakeru wouldn't leave his room, and Makoto didn't even want to talk to her about any of these big family problems. And she felt like if it had been someone else, they would have solved it already, that she had failed as a mom.

In this moment of despair, she saw an interview with the leader of RANDOM, and was really touched by the way he talked about dealing with the challenges in his life. That gave her a light out, and caring about RANDOM and the goings on with that band gave her a little light that she was able to hold on to, to hold fast, as her family dealt with these big problems that she was trying to just tackle for them.

Once she reveals all of this—as they're on the way to a concert together, by the way!

Shan

Hell yeah!

Ben

Makoto says, “Ah, then RANDOM is the Okita family's benefactor.” I just love that man so much because that is the right response.

Shan

What a good attitude, sir! You’re doing amazing!

NiNi

What you just said just leads me to think about the scene that gives the show its name about the old man's underwear thing. Makoto has ways, of expressing yes, but also of conceiving the world through a lens that he can comprehend. The things that are incomprehensible to him. Finding a way to reframe it to himself that's comprehensible. Sometimes that's serendipitous, like the thing with the underwear. And sometimes that's considered, but him saying something like “RANDOM is the Okita family's benefactor,” that's him reframing this thing into a thing that makes sense to him that he can then use that as a way of understanding the idea that he's grappling with or that he's struggling with and I really like that.

Shan

Absolutely.

Ben

You're gonna love that moment you get there, NiNi, because you just came through the Comica stuff where Makoto, like you mentioned, has his own way of contextualizing how he appreciates what people are doing. He went through the whole Comica experience, and he appreciated how passionate everybody was, and how diligent and organized they were—

NiNi

—And how efficient they were.

Shan

—Yes.

Ben

Yeah, that was his big thing he took away.

Shan

He saw them through a workplace lens ‘cause that's what he knows, you know?

Ben

And there's this great moment when they come out of the RANDOM concert. He lets Mika go and hang out with her other friends, because Mika ends up hanging out with Daichi's mom and another older female fan who are having fun talking about their favorite boy group. He ends up reading about RANDOM.

When he's still hanging around, Mika wasn't expecting him to wait around for her. They're walking home together. They're talking about the band. He's like, he's read some articles. He's read about them. He's talking about the band—

Shan

—He selected a bias!

Ben

He picked a bias! He's like, “I completely understand why you like Seojun. I found that article you mentioned where he told that story. It's a beautiful, touching story. But we were watching them on the stage. Did you notice that the other member noticed when the other guy tripped and he helped cover for him?

[Shan laughs]

“I really appreciate the teamwork and determination he showed in that moment. He really touched me in that moment.” And he had his own bias coming out of the concert! [laughs]

Shan

And then they’re out there practicing the dance moves! I can't wait for you to get to that episode.

Ben

It's so great because… Like, Daichi says it early and it kind of throws Makoto off. He's like, “I don't have any hobbies.” He's like, “Your family is your hobby. Everything you do is for the benefit of your family. That's what you're most passionate about.”

And so we get through this whole thing where we learned that Moe is passionate about manga, it’s what she loves it’s what gets her up every day. Mika is passionate about RANDOM. It's what helps motivate her day in and day out. She gets this really great moment where she gets mad at her family for not appreciating the food she's doing, because she wanted to share a recipe that had won a contest with them. Nobody checked the fucking group chat. And everybody was up in their asses about their own shit that night. Nobody congratulated her, said anything nice about her food. And she went the fuck off on them and they all deserve that ass whooping.

We go on this long journey with these characters of understanding who they are and rebuilding their relationships with each other in a way that is so beautiful. This is great.

01:36:49 - Ossan no Pants: Furuike and That Fucking Guy

Ben

There's even in the show where an older version of Makoto shows up, like one of Makoto's seniors who has been displaced from one team because of being rude and sexually harassing women there. I don't think he was touching them inappropriately per se, but just his general demeanor was deeply offensive.

And so he gets reassigned to their team. Makoto is able to reach through to him in a really great moment where they go and solve a major work problem together the way guys like them used to solve problems. And it's a way in for him to talk about how “That's not how the young people operate now. And your information and the way you operate is good and we should teach them. But also we got to open up to them too." What's so great is, like, Makoto is kind of an idiot. He's not mean-spirited, but he's doing irritating and annoying and harmful things to the people he cares about.

Daichi's dad is the worst kind of bigot because he is well-read. He has heard all of the arguments. He does understand that his son is suffering, and is willfully choosing to exacerbate that dynamic because he thinks he knows what's best for his son. But it's not really for the benefit of his son. It's about power and control.

One of the things that often frustrates us when we talk about these shows, particularly Shan. Hello, Shan—is these shows often like to rush reconciliations and apologies so that we end with a moment where the whole family’s come back together through the power of love and teamwork or whatever. And Daichi's dad does not get to have that moment. He is excluded from the final triumphant moment of the series because he is too bigoted to let go of his own ego.

Shan

It was a thing of beauty to see a parent who did not deserve to be forgiven unforgiven and excused from the table.

[Ben laughs]

It is everything that I have ever wanted from a drama. I was so fucking happy, because most of the time in these shows, they just insist on pushing toward this unearned redemption that is so unsatisfying. And this show just said no, because you know what? This show has a really clear thesis. And it came through, I think, in a final speech from of all people, Furuike: You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to know everything, but you do have to care about hurting people. And you do have to try to do better. And you do have to be willing to learn and update yourself.

And what he says in this final speech in the workplace is, “I'm older than all of you. And I have learned that going through life and all of its good and bad can really desensitize you to the things happening around you, to the experiences of others. And if you let yourself become desensitized, you will hurt other people. And if you can just try really hard to not get used to yourself, and to keep learning and to keep trying, you will do better and you will enjoy life more.” And that is really this show's thesis.

And Daichi's father doesn't do that. He's not open to learning. He doesn't care ultimately that he's harming other people, because he thinks he's right and that's all that matters to him. And so he doesn't get forgiven. And he doesn't get to sit at the fucking family table at the end of the show and play happy families with everybody. He's not invited to the wedding. If he wants back in, he's going to have to try, and he's going to have to care. And he is going to have to put in the effort to update his thinking and make amends with his son and with the people his son loves. Until he does that, he is not welcome and he is not part of the family.

And I just loved that the show was so firm on this. There is room for redemption for everyone, everyone deserves the chance to do better. But if you don't put in that work, you don't get to sit with us. Period.

Ben

PERIOD!

Shan

PERIOD!

Ben

[laughs] Let me tell you, NiNi, you will lose your mind when you get to this scene. I am still thinking about it. I was screaming to Twig for three hours about this scene because the Okita family is in this very fancy restaurant wearing their jackets and stuff and they start removing their jackets like fucking Care Bears revealing their stomachs and blasting this man with the hearts of everything that they love.

Shan

It was like the family Care Bear stare. Like they all pulled back their shirts and the beams came out of their chest. [laughs]

NiNi

I'm so mad at y 'all for a Care Bear stare. I haven't thought about the Care Bears in at least, at least two decades—

Ben

—30 years? [laughs]

NiNi

I can't stand y 'all ass. I can't stand y 'all ass!

Ben

Kakeru is like, “Yes, I'm wearing women's clothes.” And then Moe was like, “And I love to draw fujo art, fuck you.” And Mika's like—

Shan

—She like pulls back, she's got a t-shirt with like two people kissing on—

Ben

—she's like, “I'm old and I get to like idols too.” And then he looks over at Makoto's like, “At least you're the only normal one.” He's like, “No, I'm not. I’m the most fucking crazy person here. I love my family. I love all of these people. And I was asked to be here as the matchmaker for Daichi. And I'm going to tell you to your face that you are a bigot and an asshole.��

He asked that man the most important question: “You are correct that the world is harsh, and that it's not going to be nice to our kids. But it doesn't matter if they're queer. They're going to be made to feel awful and bad and weird and wrong for any number of reasons, whether it be Moe loving to draw fujo art, Kakeru wanting to wear the clothes that make him feel better, or Harunishi wanting to wear his b-suke-kun to work every day.” [laughs]

For any number of reasons these kids are going to be made to feel wrong and unhappy. And that's one of the things the show makes clear. None of the older men in this show are happy at all. Not Makoto, not Daichi's divorced dad, not Furuike when he gets assigned to their team originally, and not multiple colleagues of theirs who get downsized over the course of the show. No one is happy.

Everyone is being asked to present and conform for the sake of others in the society and everyone is miserable as a result. And the Okita family says, “No, we're going to prioritize our happiness in this family. I'm doing these things as a parent because I love my family and I want them to be happy. I don't want them to suffer for other people and be miserable like you.” And he asked that man directly, “If the whole world is lining up to be cruel to your son, why are you trying to cut to the front of the line to get the first lick in?”

And that man had no answer for that.

Shan

Man, that was so infuriating. This was what was so challenging about fighting him, why Makoto struggled a little bit, and why Daichi really struggled, was that he wasn't an in your face, loud, screaming bigot. He would espouse his bigoted ideas in the most calm, rational matter of fact way. And it would make the other characters second guess themselves. He wasn't talking as if he was being hateful. He was talking as if he was just being the rational one in the room and the rest of them needed to come back to reality.

That can be very disarming, trying to deal with somebody when they're presenting what they're saying to you as if they're just talking common sense and you're the one who's offbase. I liked that representation of a kind of bigotry that can feel a lot more insidious than the more in your face stuff that we often see depicted in media.

Ben

I was really happy with it because they showed through Makoto and Furuike that they aren't trying to be mean-spirited when they interact with people these ways. They're just deeply out of touch and deeply misinformed and they were taught poorly. The worst thing about Daichi's asshole of a father is he's the people who teaches people to be like that.

01:45:25 Ossan no Pants: Final Thoughts and Ratings

Ben

What really works with this too is, like, Kakeru can be a real bitch over the course of the show when he gets pissed off with people expecting things from him. But I really like that for all that he doesn't share interests with his father that much, in so many ways he is a lot like his dad and how he handles interactions with people. That was a really well done arc—

Shan

And him continually recognizing that.

Ben

—that he and he starts to recognize too. Yeah.

Ben

The final scenes of the show are so earned. Makoto is like, “If the world is going to fight my kids, they're going to have to go through me!”

Shan

Hell yeah!

Ben

—And he's flexing in the mirror. And then the kids are coming through the door of the bathroom, because it's the day of Daichi's wedding. And Moe dunks on him right away. She's like, “You're not going to get buff in three days, Dad. Move. We have things to do today.”

[Ben and Shan laugh]

Kakeru’s like, “Move.” He's like, “Don't look at me like this.” They're like, “Get out of here, Dad.” And he's like, “Oka-san, your children are bullying me!” [laughs]

Shan

It was so nice to see this family that in the beginning was so strained with each other, they would have never joked with him that way when the show started because they had no trust in him and they were tense around him all the time. And to see them come all the way to the other side of getting back to a normal dynamic where they can just make fun of their dad for being a dork. That's such a beautiful way to show that he has rebuilt that trust with his kids. They feel comfortable now to make fun of him when he's standing in front of the mirror in his dorky underwear making macho poses.

Ben

[laughs] We finally get to their wedding and Makoto is given this parental position as Daichi's stand-in father. And of course Makoto is a crying, slobbery mess at this wedding.

Shan

The way that he weeps over this relationship makes me laugh every single time. [laughs] He's just so happy for them. He's so invested.

Ben

The long and short of it is, this is a show that is super empathetic about the way internalized misogyny has done so much damage to all of us. And it wants to gently lead us down the path to learning to reconnect with the things we love and the people we love without feeling the need to enforce arbitrary norms that have only made everyone miserable.

And it earns that repeatedly in every single moment for 11 fantastic episodes.

Shan

Man, what a show.

NiNi

I look forward to watching the next eight.

Shan

I'm so excited for you to finish it, NiNi. You're gonna love it.

Ben

Alright, hot ratings. NiNi, can't rate it yet. Shan, rating.

Shan

I gave the show a 9.5. I love it deeply. I think it is excellent. I think everyone should watch it. My ratings are about execution and I think there were a couple—not really wobbles in the show—but a couple little bits that could have been smoother. There were a couple scenes that didn't quite carry off the PSAs in a way that sounded like natural dialogue.

Ben

You're going to have to let go of that moment at the end of episode five.

Shan

I can't do it. It's sticking. [Ben and Shan laugh] There's one scene in particular that felt deeply inauthentic in the way a character—

Ben

—You're so mean!

Shan

—I'm sorry, but it's true. In the way the character reacted to something, instead of reacting in a way that felt authentic for his character, he gave a very after-school special speech, which felt so wrong from a character perspective. It just sticks in my brain.

And so it's not technically perfect, but it is spiritually perfect. It is emotionally perfect. I love this show so much and I want everyone to watch it. I am in the process of bullying my own family into getting a Plex media server so I can force them to watch it. I just, I think everybody should see this show.

Ben

I'm giving this show an 11.

Shan

Nice. He's just gonna make sure the average pulls it back up to 10. [laughs] Which I am fine with!

NiNi

You see, whenever, whenever Ben does this and he calls producer privilege, I just sit here and I go mm okay. Because he's always on me about it.

Shan

Okay, I see how it is.

NiNi

Okay, have your 11, sir. Have your 11.

Ben

This is one of my favorite shows of all time. We've made a lot of memes on this podcast about my repeated mentioning of What Did You Eat Yesterday? or random diatribes about how New Siwaj could make good work if he wanted to make good work.

Shan

Oh boy.

Ben

But this is, this was probably one of the most enjoyable experiences I've had with TV itself in a really long time. This was the kind of really homey and welcoming drama that I have really needed to believe in TV as a medium again.

I loved watching the show and I loved talking about this show with our friends the whole way through. This is the kind of drama that I feel determined to show to people

So, it gets a 10 from me, from The Conversation.

I am desperately begging you to go watch it. And then tell us how you feel about it.

01:51:18 - Importance of Variety in Media Consumption

NiNi

So what are the connection points between these two shows, other than the frame, obviously, which is that these are queer narratives that go outside of and beyond romance?

Ben

I don't want to be harsh to our listeners who enjoy BL when I say this. Watching both of these shows is a real relief for me, because sometimes BL feels so detached from reality that it can feel kind of alien. I need to get a couple of queer dramas in me a year that are about the queer experience in a grounded way, or else I go insane.

I am really relieved that both of these shows came to us when they came to us. Because I need experiences like this to make BL worth it for me. These are the kinds of projects I only encounter because I'm in the BL space.

Shan

I think what connects these shows for me is that they both really care about all of the characters involved in the story. They try to tell really full stories about a community or a family that does not just narrow down to one point that's about one person or one relationship. They really try to take a holistic look at the full world around our characters, and how all of them form relationships with each other and how the world around them informs those relationships and puts stressors on them. It's just, like, a really complete immersion in both of these shows into a place and a way of living and a way of being that can sometimes feel missing in some of the other things that we watch and discuss on here.

It's really refreshing to watch stuff like this sometimes. I think any healthy media diet requires some variety, requires stepping out of the same formula that you are used to in the media that you consume. What really matters to me about these shows in the context of this podcast where we discuss queer works, is that it really takes queer reality very seriously. And it roots its story, both of these shows, in a very close-to-realistic version of what it would mean to hold these identities in the world that we actually live in. When we are often watching shows that are in a bubble that don't deal with those realities, it's important to dip into that every once in a while.

And, this is not a homework assignment, either of these shows. They're beautiful dramas. They are joyful. They are fun to watch. They are touching. Just because they have heavy themes and because you learn a lot doesn't mean that they're not also incredibly entertaining shows.

NiNi

For me, what I get out of being in this particular space and shows like these. I was calculating today. I am actually in a relationship maybe about once a decade, but I am living in the world all the rest of the time. While romance for me is…not exactly an escape—there are escapist elements to romance for me. I find a lot of fascination in different aspects of romance. I live in the world all of the time. And so getting into shows that are in the world, that are focused on things that I have much more of a day-to-day connection to than romance. Occasionally it's just fun to sit there. It's good and enjoyable and it feels good inside to sit in. You feel a little bit of coming home about it. And that's where I'm sitting with these two shows so far. Every so often I do need to watch something that isn't a romance, and I like when it's good.

These two are really good.

Ben

I gotta say that, too. Like, no disrespect to a lot of the work that we talk about on this podcast. We watch a lot of shows that are flawed in one way or another. And it's not for a lack of effort from the people making them. But every now and then, it's really helpful to watch a really, really good show or a really fucking good movie, and be like, damn, that was something else. It can be really inspiring and it can help keep you grounded.

You need to balance your media diet. You have got to not just watch romance. It will overly flavor your taste, and you're not gonna notice when the creators are playing with things outside of romance. You got to...expand your horizons, because the more types of stories you encounter, the more you'll be able to enjoy the stories that you love the most. It's good for you to watch something other than BL.

NiNi

And with that, that is going to wrap us up on episode one of our fall season. Dun-da-da-dun!

Shan

Wow.

Ben

I'm really glad we're starting on a high note because BOY was summer rough! Ha ha! Shit!

NiNi

I just want to point out we just at the end of the summer had our 50th episode. So this is our 51st and this is our 8th season. We are rounding out into almost two years of doing this show. We're going to have some thoughts about that as we wind down.

With that, we out. Say bye to the people, Shan.

Shan

Bye, people.

NiNi

Say bye to the people, Ben.

Ben

Peace!

#ben and nini's conversations #the conversation #on art #podcast #lgbtq #marahuyo project #ossan no pantsu ga nandatte ii janai ka #don't care for an old man's underwear!#filipino bl #japanese drama #jdrama #bl series #winter 2024 #Spotify

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thesilliestrovingalive · 5 months ago

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Updated: December 13, 2024

Reworked Character #3: Eri Kasamoto

POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING: Viewer discretion is advised due to references to abandonment, abuse, underage drinking, crime, an unhealthy romance, death, and SA.

Real name: Chizuko Utsunomiya

Alias: Memphis Bomb Princess

Occupation: Staff Sergeant of the S.P.A.R.R.O.W.S., one of Ptolemaios’ deputies (formerly), and the leader of a street gang (formerly)

Retirement plans: Open up an inclusive orphanage in Hiroshima and get the necessary requirements to become a pyrotechnician and swim instructor

Special skills: Orchestrating stealth missions and suppression operations, proficiency in explosives, survival techniques, lock picking, and seduction

Hobbies: Swimming, kickboxing, building and testing out explosive gadgets, thinking about her past mistakes and what she could’ve done better during her solitary nature walks, and playing card games with her friends that include some sort of money-related bet

Likes: Fio, pyrotechnics, aimless walks, a keychain that was gifted to her by Emily, and having the swimming pool all to herself on a hot summer day

Dislikes: Missing out on chances to put her kickboxing skills to the test in combat, riding in vehicles she isn’t able to drive, overly mischievous, lazy, and hot-headed people, being touched without permission, and cults

Favourite drink: Vodka (preferably Spirytus)

Sexuality: Homoflexible sapiosexual

Gender: Female

Age: 16 (in 2022), 22 (in 2028), 24 (in 2030), 26 (in 2032), 28 (in 2034), 35 (in 2041), 37 (in 2043), 38 (in 2044), and 41 (in 2047)

Blood type: B-

Weight: 126 lbs. (57 kg)

Design: She’s a 5’ 6” (167.64 cm) Japanese ectomorph with an athletic, sylph-like build, broad shoulders, sand-hued skin, a black mole under her right eye, and top scars. She has dull chestnut eyes with visible bags beneath them and fingernails that are painted a metallic green. She has jet black hair with choppy bangs that has been bleached dirty blonde and is styled in a mid-back shaggy wolf cut, often worn up in a ponytail.

Eri has a jarring diagonal scar that runs from the left side of her temple, across the bridge of her nose, to her right levator scapulae muscle. She also has self-inflicted stab scars on the palm of her right hand, cut marks on her right forearm, the skin on her arms and shoulders have been picked at, and her legs are riddled with scrapes. She lost her left forearm in a traumatic incident, later receiving a metallic silver prosthetic replacement from Ptolemaios during her training. She dons green gold snake bite and silver jestrum piercings, and her makeup features a glittery artichoke green smoky eyeliner, light brown mascara, and coral pink lips.

Eri’s military gear consists of an olive green bandana on her head, a metal dog tag necklace with her name, and a black headset for communication with her snipers. She wears a black bra, myrtle-hued sleeveless button midriff, and a satin crimson sash. She wears a purplish-grey unbuttoned coat with ripped sleeves, four pockets, and a hidden strap compartment that holds her electrical baton. On the back of her jacket is the logo of the S.P.A.R.R.O.W.S., which Fio kindly embroidered for her. Her purplish-grey army cargo pants were tucked into black combat boots and held up by a silver-buckled dark teal belt around her waist. She has a sheath for her combat knife and a drop leg holster for her handgun with a silencer.

She wears a black gas mask with red-tinted lenses, olive green gloves, black knee and elbow pads, and sage-streaked silver tassel earrings. She wears a keychain necklace, a gift from her late girlfriend Emily, featuring a fiery comet encircling a reddish-purple amethyst stone carved into the shape of a human heart. Eri is adorned with two black steel armlets, one on each arm: the right armlet has a circular green crystal at its centre, while the left armlet has a red one. The green crystal grants her the power to unleash grey lightning, while the red crystal, forged from a fragment of Sol Dae Rokker, can summon deadly, wolf-shaped spirits that dive-bomb enemies.

Over her midriff, she dons a Soldier Plate Carrier System (SPCS) with a MultiCam pattern, which carries around her walkie-talkie and ammo for other firearms. She carries around a sage green load-bearing backpack that contains camping equipment, grenades, fire bombs, mines, hand-crafted explosive gadgets, portable ammo boxes, a canteen full of water, three canisters of gasoline, a rocket launcher, and a bottle of vodka. Her olive green waist pack, secured at the back of her belt, holds a silvery flask of vodka, a matchbox, and a compact makeup kit containing her eyeliner, mascara, and lip gloss.

The pockets of her coat contain a pack of fruity bubblegum, a navy blue lighter, a rainbow-coloured bouncy ball, a deck of playing cards, and her lucky gold Kaiki Shoho coin. Meanwhile, her cargo pants hold lockpicking tools and three boxes of cigarettes. She has worn gauze wrapped around her right forearm, a gun holster for her handgun, and a sheath for her machete. She's still in possession of a Ptolemaic Army-commissioned scoped bolt-action rifle, which is often draped over her left shoulder.

Character summary: She's a vengeful, sarcastic, cynical, and tomboyish leader who will stop at nothing to brutally hurt anyone she perceives as a threat to her comrades and friends or have caused them genuine harm. She has a sadistic streak, evident in her peculiar habit of smearing her enemies' blood on herself to intimidate others. When focused on her military duties and protecting those she respects and cares about, she tends to neglect her own needs. Eri's outspoken and crass demeanour shows no fear in speaking her mind, telling others off, and using profanities.

As a self-reliant and lonesome individual, she’s bitter and aloof towards those she dislikes and strangers. She has a tendency to engage in dishonest behaviour and manipulate situations to her advantage. When confronted about these actions, she often responds with aggressive language and contradictory arguments. She holds immense respect for the deities, particularly Sol Dae Rokker, due to her deep understanding of their crucial role in maintaining the universe's equilibrium and their tireless efforts to uphold the concepts they embody. She’ll go to great lengths to worship and make sacrifices to Sol Dae Rokker, often ritually sacrificing the remains of her enemies and indulging in drinking contests and card games with her team of Ptolemaic rebels.

She fearlessly rebels against anything she deems morally wrong or a life-threatening risk. She shows no mercy towards her enemies, and her military missions showcase her exceptional resourcefulness, cunning, and tactical prowess. She’s capable of sympathy and offering wise advice, but her willingness to do so greatly depends on the situation and her personal connection with the individual. She has immense compassion for those who endured a difficult childhood and does her best to offer comfort and support.

She becomes deeply distressed and depressed if she discovers someone she cares about has attempted or died by suicide, believing they had the potential for happiness and a meaningful life. She finds narcissism, toxic masculinity, and attention-seeking behaviours utterly distasteful, and is particularly sensitive to being misjudged or perceived as a "bad person”. Lacking formal education, she takes initiative to educate herself on a wide range of subjects from fundamentals to practical, real-world issues.

Eri considers her team of Ptolemaic defectors and select members of the Regular Army's elite forces to be like family, including Ralf, Hyakutaro, Tyra, Alisa, and Red Eye. She's overly protective of Fio, whom she regards with sisterly affection, Marco, whom she admires as a courageous leader deserving of comfort and sympathy, and Walter, whom she treats like a younger brother with endearing curiosity.

She harbours significant animosity towards Tarma, seeing him as a hot-headed idiot who only causes trouble and can't take things seriously. Despite her best efforts to tolerate him, she can't help but snap at him when his silly antics go too far, he inadvertently ruins a plan or he gets too flirtatious and physically close to Fio. She longs to understand why he left her all those years ago and can't shake the feeling that he was only interested in a fleeting excitement, violating the trust she once had for him. She's eager to reach out to her younger brother, yet worries that acknowledging their biological tie might lead to rejection, and she'd miss the opportunity to connect with him face-to-face.

She deeply appreciates the unwavering loyalty and obedience of her team of Ptolemaic Army rebels, who show remarkable kindness and respect towards her friends and comrades. Their well-being is paramount to her, and she'll stop at nothing to ensure their safety, driven by a profound fear of losing or failing them. Although she hesitates to acknowledge it, lest she hurt their feelings and/or diminish their sense of worth, she does harbour a special affinity for certain members, with some holding a closer place in her heart than others.

Her top favourites are Mikuláš, Thandolwethu, Amilcare, Efterpi, Yohanes, and Zdravko. She holds them in high regard due to their unwavering support, exceptional expertise in guerrilla warfare and stealth, and efficient completion of tasks. On the other hand, her least favourite team members are Harvie, Souma, Juozapas, and Priyanka. She finds them less impressive due to their tendency to slack off, often distracted by gossiping, playing card games, taking frequent smoke breaks, admiring nature, playfully teasing their comrades, coercing others to do things they shouldn't be doing, and engaging in flirtatious behaviours. She's most concerned about Gyeong-Hui and Dezső, given their young age, socially withdrawn nature, difficulty trusting others outside of their team, and clingy relationship with her, viewing her as a maternal figure. She deeply respects them and appreciates their dedication to their military duties, and frequently checks up on them to ensure they're doing alright.

She lives with claustrophobia, mild generalised anxiety disorder, insomnia, atypical depression, and borderline personality disorder. To cope with her mental health struggles, she often presents herself as highly intelligent, serious-minded, and seductive. However, when anger takes hold, her emotions can be difficult to contain, although she strives to maintain some self-control. Notably, Eri prefers not to be called by her old name as it evokes memories of her past trauma, which she’s trying to desperately forget. She's a hardened pessimist, often appearing mentally exhausted and emotionally unfazed, yet she consistently demonstrates resilience and stubborn determination. She can't help but feel jealous towards those who have loving parents and weren't abandoned by them. When she's had too much to drink, she becomes prone to argumentativeness, physical aggression, and melancholy, and often sleepwalks.

She has a deep-seated distrust of Christianity, believing that many people hypocritically exploit God and Jesus' teachings to conceal their true intentions. She also thinks that certain Christian teachings clash with the harsh realities of life. Furthermore, she believes that God seems apathetic to humanity's well-being, watching them suffer endlessly, letting evil to continuously flourish, and restricting the potential for salvation. She holds that morality is culturally relative, and therefore, there are no universal moral laws, making it challenging to distinguish right from wrong.

In her view, human societies construct their values based on their distinct beliefs, customs, and practices, which are also influenced by social and emotional pressures. She believes that right and wrong are simply labels and nebulous concepts that nobody can fully grasp because they’re obscured by cultural influences that shape morality to control individuals and prioritise personal comfort. She believes that individuals have a moral obligation to protect innocent lives and uphold the goodness inherent in justice. Regarding war, she thinks it can be justified if it meets certain criteria: it’s openly declared by a governing authority, has a just cause, and aims to establish a lasting peace. She acknowledges the coexistence of life and death but does not see a clear connection between the two.

Backstory: Chizuko Utsunomiya was born on June 6, 2006 in Hiroshima, Japan. She was abandoned as an infant at the entrance of a Christian church by her parents, who had wanted a son instead of a baby girl. Her name was discovered on a piece of paper tucked inside her baby carriage. She was raised by the Christian church where she was sent to live, an institution with a strict religious environment. There, children who misbehaved were subjected to psychological reprimands. During Chizuko’s younger years, she acted out as an attention-seeking troublemaker, but was frequently punished through humiliation and isolation in a dark closet.

She would be frequently bullied by children who were considered to be well-behaved and good in the eyes of the church staff. They targeted her for her perceived sinfulness by spreading false rumours about her, belittling her, and vandalising her toys. She endured occasional physical abuse and emotional manipulation by the church orphanage staff who used the threat of eternal damnation to control her behaviour. This treatment had a profound effect on her, making her quiet, nervous, and obedient. As a result, she grew to resent the church, finding its teachings to be at odds with the harsh realities of her own life. She eventually lost faith in God, feeling that He seemed indifferent to human suffering, allowing it to persist without genuine intervention or care.

At the age of 6, Chizuko met Tarma and quickly befriended him after building a sandcastle and searching for worms under a heavy rock. This chance encounter taught her that there were kind people outside of her church community, and she had opportunities to form new connections and discover herself. She met up with Tarma a few more times until he stopped visiting Hiroshima, leaving her feeling alone and sorrowful.

Once she figured out the ways of the world, she escaped from the sanctuary of the church at the age of 12, alongside a small group of friends, eager to taste the forbidden fruit of the world. Seeking vengeance, she and her friends burned down the church orphanage in retaliation for the abuse they had endured. Most of her early life remains private. However, her invigorating and tomboyish nature lended her as a capable leader, founding a gang of street kids. They engaged in criminal activities, primarily petty theft, drug sales, weapon trafficking, and murder.

Details about this period are scarce, but it's known that Chizuko developed a fondness for vodka during this time. She narrowly escaped being taken into custody by the police through financial bribes, avoiding a potential juvenile detention. She would also go through a couple of romantic relationships with girls. Her first relationship was short-lived after she quickly discovered that her girlfriend was using her for financial gain. Her second relationship seemed to be going well, but it ended when her girlfriend's parents found out about her being a delinquent and forbade their daughter from seeing her again.

At 15, she reunited with Tarma after he ran away from home, inviting him to hang out and drink beer and vodka. As they caught up on each other's lives, she began to flirt and get physically close, seeing him as someone she could trust. However, Chizuko’s desire to escape the past and run away from her problems clouded her judgement. They spent many nights together, engaging in erotic activities, and she even convinced him to participate in a few crimes. But everything changed when Tarma abruptly ended things and returned home to Hokkaido. Devastated, she felt betrayed, despite having used him to fulfill her own desires and advance her gang interests. This experience explains her lingering animosity towards Tarma.

Her leadership skills and her gang had continued to grow successfully, but that success was short-lived. Two months before she turned 18, Hiroshima was suddenly attacked by multiple bombings from a mysterious group, resulting in the loss of thousands of lives, including her entire gang—her first true friends. This incident sent the Japanese populace into a deep state of panic and uncertainty. In the chaos, she also suffered a devastating injury, losing her left forearm. With quick thinking, she managed to improvise a tourniquet by tearing the sleeves of her medium-sleeved shirt and stemming the bleeding.

While treating her injury, she was approached by a brown-haired, grey-eyed woman wearing the attire of a Ptolemaic guerilla. This guerrilla fighter didn't want to leave Chizuko behind, knowing she would feel terrible if left alone. So, she convinced Chizuko to come with her to meet up with Ptolemaios. Chizuko was hesitant at first, but with no other options, she took the opportunity. The guerrilla introduced herself as Emily Kuznetsova, and Chizuko decided to adopt a new name: Eri Kasamoto.

Unbeknownst to her, Ptolemaios had been observing Eri for some time, recognizing her potential as a valuable asset for his army. She was first showered with excessive attention and affection by Ptolemaios' most devoted followers. Afterwards, they subjected her to an initiation ritual where she was forced to consume the heart of a deceased baby goat in the name of the Dark Lord and drink Ptolemaios' blood. He arranged specialised training for her to enhance her espionage skills and expand her militant capabilities, focusing on shock tactics and demolitions.

Once she received sufficient training, he appointed her as one of his deputies, sparking jealousy among a few of the other deputies in the Ptolemaic Army. On his behalf, she was responsible for multiple stealth missions to further the technological advancement and tactical plans of the Ptolemaic Army. She would also carry out targeted assassinations of traitors on Ptolemaios' behalf, which would often result in him rewarding her with bottles of premium vodka and, notably, her two prized black steel armlets.

During this time, Emily's compassionate and courageous nature won Eri over, and she developed a strong romantic attraction towards her, which would eventually blossom into a full-blown relationship. Ptolemaios viewed Emily as a potential obstacle to his objectives and sought to eliminate her, motivated in part by his suppressed and secret sexual attraction to Eri. Emily's death was staged to appear as a suicide, with her disemboweled body found in a dumpster, however, the circumstances surrounding her death remain unclear.

Two deputies—Elite Special Forces Commander Zoilo and Lieutenant Colonel Macba—observed Eri's struggle to cope with Emily's death and offered her superficial comfort. However, in a devastating and traumatic turn of events, Eri was brutally sexually assaulted by the three deputies, driven by resentment over her close bond with Ptolemaios and the favouritism he displayed towards her. Eri's experiences, including the loss of Emily and the traumatic assault, had a profound impact on her, fueling her feelings of grief and anger, and prompting her to re-evaluate her involvement with the Ptolemaic Army. Memories of Zoilo, Macba, and Ptolemaios’ cult ignited intense anger and a desire for revenge against the Ptolemaic Army as well as self-loathing for her own complicity. Conversely, thoughts of Emily would intensify her longing for vengeance while also filling her with profound sorrow and existential despair.

She formed an alliance with like-minded individuals who shared her vision of opposing Ptolemaios' regime, recognizing that his ambitions posed a significant threat to global stability and universal security. They also sought to prevent Ptolemaios from summoning the Avatar of Evil, fearing its awakening could trigger a catastrophic apocalypse. The group consisted of four guerrilla troops: Mikuláš, Gyeong-Hui, Thandolwethu, and Harvie; three snipers: Amilcare, Efterpi, and Souma; four special forces operatives: Juozapas, Priyanka, Yohanes, and Zdravko; and a single masked soldier: Dezső.

During their fight against the Ptolemaic Army, they caused significant setbacks on the enemy's military advancement, hindering weapons development and army growth, while also eliminating numerous soldiers and cultists. As Eri clashed with Macba, she uncovered a stunning revelation: he, along with Ptolemaios, Colonel Hilde Garn, and 1st Lieutenant Wired, were behind the terrorist bombings in Hiroshima. As she attempted to take Macba’s life, a seemingly malevolent presence intervened, halting her progress. Ominous whispers echoed in her mind, cautioning her that it wasn't yet time to end the Ptolemaic Army’s reign of terror. Uncertain and intimidated, she and her rebel Ptolemaic soldiers retreated from Ptolemaios' Osaka compound, fearing the consequences of defying the mysterious presence. This decision would become a deeply regretted moment, one that she tried to suppress by viciously stabbing the palms of her hands.

Shortly after this event, she ripped off the sleeves of her purplish-grey coat to use as makeshift tourniquets for Yohanes and Efterpi. She then intentionally acquired her top scars as a symbol of empowerment, seeking to erase the past, defy societal expectations imposed on women and girls, and embody her true identity. Around this time, she pledged loyalty to Sol Dae Rokker, harnessing his vengeance-fueling abilities to drive her determination to overthrow the Ptolemaic Army when the opportunity arose. Following this allegiance, she and her team of Ptolemaic defectors renounced their former loyalty, removing their armbands bearing the Ptolemaic Army insignia and dedicating themselves to just causes and the worship of Sol Dae Rokker.

Although she harboured resentment toward her parents after learning from a church orphanage staff member that they had abandoned her for selfish reasons, she was curious to learn about them. She conducted research into her heritage and made some intriguing discoveries. She learned she has a younger brother, Masahiko Utsunomiya, who works as an electrical technician. Additionally, she uncovered information about her extended family: her biological father had passed away and her biological mother had remarried and had two more sons. Her research also revealed a notable ancestor, Tsuneo Rokumeikan, her great-grandfather, who designed the Murder Model-1915 .38 Mk.1Am handgun and worked as a mercenary for the Intelligence Agency.

At the age of 20, she and her team decided to apply for military service, working under the Intelligence Agency as a formidable group of agents. Eri made a name for herself in numerous missions, earning a reputation as a vengeful leader amongst the Regular Army. She was known for eliminating numerous individuals, including treacherous soldiers and corrupt politicians, with some of her most notable assignments involving strategic seduction that lured her targets into vulnerable positions. However, she began to feel increasingly disillusioned by the constant assassinations and conspiracies that weighed on her conscience, reminding her of her time with the Ptolemaic Army. She applied for a transfer to S.P.A.R.R.O.W.S., which was specially approved due to her exceptional record, indispensable skills, and intimate knowledge of the Ptolemaic Army's inner workings.

As the demolition and stealth expert of S.P.A.R.R.O.W.S., Eri led her rebel Ptolemaic soldiers with immense success. She befriended Fio and felt an instant, deep connection after a few interactions, viewing Fio as the younger sister she never had and vowing to protect her at all costs. She vividly remembers the time when she and Fio took Tarma's custom-built motorcycle for a test drive in the desert, only to have Fio, who was behind the handlebars, lose control and crash. Fortunately, they escaped with minor injuries, but the incident profoundly heightened her protective instincts towards Fio, leaving her with a lingering fear of losing her. Ever since, whenever someone else is driving, she's gripped by uncontrollable anxiety, haunted by the possibility of another accident.

She played a crucial role in the Great Morden War by providing Marco's team with explosives, emergency rations, and valuable intel on Rebel Army positions through stealthy infiltration. Eri showcased her advanced combat and leadership skills by helping to thwart Morden's second coup, which was aided by her team, Fio, Tarma, and Marco.

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cillians-sweetheart · 6 days ago

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𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓮𝓬𝓾𝓽𝓸𝓻𝔂 ☣︎ Chapter 37 (End)

Description: Johnathan Crane x Patient Reader. An 18 year old girl suffers from a mental disorder that Dr Crane takes an interest in, but It isn't just the disorder that catches his eye. Their love becomes so strong it drives her dangerously mad... more mad then she or him could ever imagine.

ROMANCE + HORROR + SMUT STORY

No Batman and not everything about crane that's mentioned is correct to the actual character in DC.

TW: Violence, Sexual Content, Alcohol/Drug Use, Gore, Mental Illness, Parental Issues, Smut, Murder, Extreme Kinks (dom/crane, blood, choking, hair pulling, spanking, age gap, toys, dub-con and daddy kink) and Mention of Abuse, Assault and SA.

Not all warnings shown will be used in this exact chapter! Bold warnings are some to be expected throughout the chapter below!

I stood with my shaky knees up to him as he tucked himself into his pants half assed. With the tip of my finger I wiped my lip looking into his eyes. Eyes that looked so drained but filled with an immense amount of lust. He looked at me the way a predatory animal would. Hungry for its prey.

Johnathan lifted under me and swapped our positions. He slammed my back down onto his desk and ripped into the hem of my leggings. I was stripped down on his desk within seconds. My soaked panties were ripped by the strap with a sharp snap, and thrown onto the desk next to my face. But I couldn't complain since I wasn't the one who bought them.

Johnathan's hands gripped onto my thighs ripping them apart and pushing them up. I was completely bare and spread in the window. But luckily I was covered by Johnathan's head as he shoved it between my legs. He kneeled and squeezed incredibly tight onto my thighs as he dug his tongue as deep as he could into me. My head fell back against his desk where I let out a long and loud moan. He sucked all the way up from my dripping hole to my pulsating clit. His tongue went back and forth from circling and sucking. At occasion he would fuck me with his tongue, sticking it deep in my hole and licking my insides. Not one drip of my arousal was left untouched. He licked everything I produced making me almost go dry.

"You taste so good" He moaned with his mouth lifting just barely. His words brought me incredibly close to my edge.

I lifted my head and saw him already looking up at me while his tongue slithered along my slit. The sight became too much, I felt as if I were gonna finish so quickly just looking so I put my head back down. My thighs twitched and closed together against his head. He could sense my closeness with the way I pulsed and throbbed under his tongue. His eyes closed and his face dug deep. His hands rubbed along my thighs while he groaned into me. I uncontrollably moaned "daddy" While my fingernails dug into the wood of his desk.

Meanwhile sounds of explosions and fear filled the city below us. Each pathetic individual inhaled the rotting gas, causing an amusing burn in their brains; Frying every last cell.

Johnathan and I were far too busy to watch the whole thing, but just the sounds of fear from the streets alone were incredibly electrifying, arousing even. Nothing could have ever played out so beautifully. Even after the rain comes the sun, the success, the glory. We had it all. Gotham city, and soon... the whole world.

But again, I heard the distant knock. Coming from all around me. From the walls, the ceiling. My eyes dart from every corner of the large, spacious room. My breath remains held in the chest, growing heavy and cold. I blink just a single blink. But my eyes don't open. With all my strength I still see nothing but the darkness of my own mind. My arm tries to reach, but with no movement, nothing but a numb paralyzation.

Bright, blinding light stings my eyes as they open suddenly. Above me; a large circular light, a familiar light. My head whips around, Lying on the same chair in Johnathan's office, and to my side standing concerningly, is Johnathan.

I look at myself, In the exact clothing of my first visit with Dr Crane. As for him, in the same suit as I remembered ever so vividly.

"You went out for a moment Y/N." Dr Crane slowly tilted closer to me with his clipboard clenched in his arm.

"What?" I sat up slightly and my eyes searched the room looking; desperately searching for any sign this is a dream.

"You went unconscious for about..." He peers down at his watch. "10 seconds."

"Johnathan, why are we here?" I was no longer amused with this prank of his. My tone grew paranoid while also agitated.

His face turned cold, unsettled. "How do you know my name..." He said with almost what sounds like fear. Which coming from him, was quite the surprise.

"Johnathan stop, why are you acting like that?" I sat up and leaned towards him and he in an instant began backing away from me. "Baby..." I tried to be reassuring as best as I could in this situation. "What is going on? Why are you being so weird?"

"Did you um... Happen to see anything while you were unconscious Y/N?" He said trying to keep himself serious but still with great concern. The black pen being held tightly between his fingers.

"What do you mean? No?"

"How did you figure out what my name was?"

It felt almost silly answering that. "What? We are married, why would I not know your name?"

"I am serious."

"So am I!" I felt now I could cry. It no longer felt like a joke, or a bad dream. This was real. "We moved in together, we got married, you got me a dog!" Tears welled up in my eyes. Dr Crane shook his head, in concern, but amazement. "And- and we had such beautiful sex..."

"Y/n that is inappropriate."

"But it's true! I remember every moment of it!"

Crane lowered his head, and rubbed the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

"It was nothing but a dream, Y/n." His eyes returned back up to me.

"No... w-we did so much together..."

"We didn't."

"My mom... I killed her..." My breath was heavy. "And Tanner, a-and those other people..."

"Really?" Dr Crane now became intrigued, but still holding the annoyance in his voice.

"Yes, here... S-She is paying you to kill me!" The look, and expression portrayed on Crane's face changed quickly as I revealed what I knew. He went silent. Lost for words.

"Where did you receive that information?" His eyebrows furrowed, while he brought the clipboard in front of him. Clenching it tightly.

"You told me, a-and then we; I killed her."

"In your dream perhaps, but your mother is still just down the hall."

"She's alive...?" I asked, my heart sinking in my stomach, and my blood running cold in my face.

"Yes." He said seriously with a single nod.

At that moment, I froze in my spot. I couldn't feel a single thing throughout my whole, frightened body. My vision blurred in front of me, and my hearing faded.

"Y/N?" Dr Crane's voice was nothing but a mumble coming from a distance. "Can you hear me?" He spoke again. His words still not phasing me.

With a flash of paranoia I bolted at the door, opening it roughly. I didn't feel anything, nor did I have a single thought in my delusional mind. I ran, and ran throughout the halls of the dark, medical smelling asylum.

Tears of fear and betrayal ran down my cheeks, down onto the concrete floors. My feet fell harshly and my breath heaved heavily.

Not far behind me was Dr Crane; and in the far distance of the lengthy hallway, my mother. Both of them trying to holler, and catch up to me. My eyes, and my head whipped back to them every second. Seeing them becoming closer and closer. Yelling and taunting me with such a devil-like presence.

I'd been so focused on them, on seeing the distance between us closing with every passing moment. I hadn't seen ahead of me, the concrete wall coming in contact with my head.

Everything went black, and empty. The light above grew closer; brighter, coming to me. With my little strength I tried, but couldn't move. At all. Nothing but darkness, and light surrounded me. My mind, and body are completely paralyzed.

Circling around her, Dr Crane and Ms Y/L/N peered down at her lifeless body and fractured, bleeding skull. Her mother felt a pang of relief, and also guilt with her sudden, accidental suicide.

"I-I don't know what to say..." Her mother's eyes couldn't pull away from her daughter's dead body.

"Then say nothing. Mental insanity is not to be praised. Especially with a lunatic like her. Be proud she shall never roam Gotham City again."

"Thank you, Dr Crane." Her mother nodded, turning her eyes to him.

"Do not thank me, but your child for doing us all a favor in taking her own life."

The End

#cillian x reader #cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #johnathan crane #cillian murphy x y/n #cillian x fem!reader #cillian murphy x reader #batman begins #cillian fanfic #batman #johnathan crane smut #johnathan crane x reader #johnathan crane fic #dr jonathan crane #dr crane #dr crane fanfic #cillian murphy fanfiction #cillian murphy x you #cillian fic

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gojosoath · 2 years ago

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wilted grace — nanami/gojo fic

MINORS DON'T INTERACT // 18+ ONLY!

pairing: nanami kento x gojo satoru x fem!reader (uses she/her pronouns) x poly relationship

tags: romance x angst x smut x polyamory x AU (no sorcerer stuff in this au, nanami and gojo are just normal dudes living in a normal world, lol)

warnings: a bit of an age gap (everyone is a consenting adult fyi) x implications of SA done to Y/N x Y/N has a panic attack x dissociation summary: (AU) The story follows Y/N, Nanami and Gojo in a polyamorous relationship; the three of them navigating the new dynamic relationship for the first time in their lives. The three of them begin exploring aspects both emotionally and sexually, finding themselves on a complex journey of facing their inner demons and also healing themselves.

Table of Contents // my ao3 // taglist form taglist: @adequate-superstar ; @chifuxu ; @moonlightchildz ; @crown5 ; @frankiesteins-world ; @peachytears11 ; @chaneleden ; @soumies ; @nanamingojo ; @sunfairyy ;

a/n: umm so sorry for not updating in a while. my writers block is the worst...i have no excuses, forgive me yall. enjoyy x :)

Part 11: One, Two, Three... (wc: 3.1k)

8 hours earlier

“Mr. Kento, do you realize what you have done by leaving early and not even attending the conference you were supposed to lead?” The boss’ voice is sharp and cold, making Nanami pinch the bridge of his nose. He paces the hallway, letting his boss bite his head off for leaving the business trip too early.

“I notified you that it was an emergency, something came up,” Nanami reminds him.

“Last minute,” His boss retorts, “it did not give us enough time to send in a backup.”

“I know, I know,” Nanami rubs the back of his neck hoping that it will somewhat give his tense muscles some relief. When he gets to the end of the hallway, he stops in his steps when he sees you and Gojo in the kitchen; you are crying in the high chair while Gojo is kneeling, both of your guys’ hands together. Nanami tunes out his boss continuing to give him a hard time, while he continues to watch the two of you. He doesn’t hear what Gojo says but he sees his lips moving. For some odd reason, Nanami doesn’t feel jealous but rather…thankful? Even though Nanami doesn't fully understand it, he feels he should be jealous.

“...I’m expecting you in the office tomorrow, we will talk about the details then…” Nanami hears his boss say.

“Hmm,” Nanami hums, his mind completely occupied with something else. The call ends, and Nanami is left standing there, phone to his ear and watching as the two of you continue eating breakfast.

Nanami walks back into the kitchen, coming up to your side and placing a kiss on top of your head. Your eyes are red and your cheeks slightly wet but you still smile at Nanami, making his heart feel like it’s melting.

“You doing better?” Nanami asks you.

You sniffle, “Yes, thank you,” You whisper to him. Nanami glances at Gojo and he seems preoccupied stuffing his face with pancakes.

“I can take you back to your dorm,” Nanami tells you, his hand rubbing gentle circles on your back.

Your club dress is in a plastic bag that Gojo had secured for you to take home. You sheepishly thank Gojo and Nanami notices the light blush spread across your cheeks. Nanami takes you downstairs to his car, you look awfully tired. The drive to your dorm consists of you two holding hands, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on your hand.

At a stoplight, Nanami continues to reassure you, “Don’t worry about my job, everything is going to be okay.”

“But is your boss mad at you?” You press on.

Nanami sighs, “He’s not the happiest.”

“Please, just be honest with me,” You plea wearily.

The light turns green and Nanami steps on the gas, “He’s pissed off,” He finally says.

You nod your head, “That’s the feeling I got…” Your voice trails off, and then you add, “is he going to fire you?”

“No,” Nanami consoles, “I’m probably just going to get an earful.”

You inhale shakily, looking out the window, “I’m sorry, Nanami.”

Nanami brings the back of your hand which he holds to his lips and presses a soft kiss, “Nothing to be sorry about, you always come first.”

You turn your head to look at him, eyes shimmering with tears, “It means a lot,” You whisper. Nanami parks the car once he’s made it to your dorm parking lot. He looks calm on the outside, but you know that he’s wanting to talk to you about something. You’re the one to initiate it, “What’s wrong?”

“I’m worried about what happened last night,” Nanami voices.

“Are you suspicious something happened between Gojo and me?”

Nanami shakes his head, “No, not you two. It’s about what happened at the club. Do you remember how you ended up on the second floor?”

You look lost in thought when Nanami asks you the question, face becoming pale. He doesn’t push it any further, he embraces you in a hug. You find yourself crying into his chest again, his lips against the crown of your head.

“It’s okay,” Nanami says softly, his hands rubbing circles on your back, “we don’t need to talk about it right now. Just know I’m here when you’re ready.”

“I’m sorry,” You blabber into his chest, “I’m so sorry,” You have, your body trembling in his hold.

“What are you sorry about?” Nanami holds your face in his hands, his thumbs wiping at your tears. “You haven’t done anything wrong, my love.”

You’re hyperventilating again, tasting nothing but the saltiness from your tears, “I’m sorry,” You keep repeating.

“Baby,” Nanami persists, “hey, look at me.”

“I’m sorry!”

“For what?” Nanami asks, his brows pulled together in concern, his brown eyes scanning your face.

“I don’t know what is wrong with me!” Your voice cracks and your fingers are wrapped around Nanami’s wrists where you squeeze them.

“Hey, Y/N, look at me,” Nanami continues to try to ground you, “you’re okay, I’m here.”

You finally bring your gaze to meet him, biting your bottom lip to close off any more cries that threaten to fall past your mouth. You don’t know what it is, and your heart stops for a moment, you love Nanami but there’s more space in your heart than you know it;

“I think I like Gojo, too.” Nanami is silent, his gaze doesn’t break away from yours. You can’t seem to put a pause to what’s spilling from you, “I like you…I like Gojo, too.”

You hold your breath, you’re expecting Nanami to retaliate in disgust, in anger. Instead, he surprises you when he hugs you again, pressing a kiss to your hairline; “That’s okay,” His voice vibrates against you, “I accept all your feelings.”

“I don’t know why I feel this way,” You say wearily into his chest, closing your eyes as he gives your body a light squeeze, “it’s not possible, right?”

“I don’t know,” Nanami says, “we’ll figure it out together.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“Not for a moment,” Nanami reassures you, giving you another kiss, “I just want you to be happy.”

Nanami walks with you up to your room, and thankfully your roommate is already in the room. She is relieved to see you, hugging you the moment she sees you and explaining how sorry she was that the two of you got drifted away. Nanami helps you get into bed, tucking you in and sitting beside you until you’re drifting off into sleep. Nanami doesn’t leave without a kiss on your forehead and then heads out where he knows he will have to meet up with Gojo to talk with him.

┅

“What?” Gojo asks.

“She said she likes you…that she likes both of us.”

Again, Gojo says, “What?”

“That's why I asked you if you liked her,” Nanami says, “again, it’s okay if you do.”

Gojo's palms are sweaty, “She is very pretty,” He confesses, attentively watching Nanami’s reaction.

Nanami agrees, “I know, she’s gorgeous.”

“She seems nice,” Gojo continues, “so…I might like her?” Even Gojo is confused, he’s not sure what he feels either.

“I know this is a lot,” Nanami steps in, “I just feel we should get together and talk about this,” he shrugs his shoulders.

“Look, you can like multiple people at the same time,” Gojo retaliates, “so, I’m sure it’s just a crush that will fade away.”

“Can I be honest with you?”

“Yes, of course.”

“I don’t think I’d mind her dating the both of us…” Now it’s Nanami’s turn to attentively watch for Gojo’s reaction, and Gojo is caught off guard.

“You want her to date me?!”

“If she wants to, I’d be okay with it,” Nanami clarifies, “would you be okay with that?”

“I’ve never…” Gojo’s voice trails off, and then tries again, “I’ve never been in a relationship with more than one person.”

“Neither have I.”

“Is this what Y/N said she’s willing to try?”

Nanami says, “I was thinking the three of us would go out for dinner and discuss it.”

“If you two are comfortable with that, sure, we can do that,” Gojo agrees.

Nanami and Gojo hold each other’s gazes, the two men sharing an undeniable silence between the two of them. Brown eyes holding blue ones, they take a sip from their drinks in sync as the world around them continues to rustle.

┅

You’re awoken by your phone vibrating with a text message. After Nanami had dropped you off, you were lights out. It feels as if you’ve been sleeping for days but when you take a look at the time on your phone screen, it’s only been a couple of hours. You have a text message from Nanami;

Nanami: Hey love, just got back to my place. Hope you’re sleeping well. I miss you and love you

You sit up in bed, rubbing your eyes to adjust to the brightness on your phone screen. You receive another text from Nanami;

Nanami: I also talked with Gojo earlier, know we both support you

You feel your heart beating fast, at the thought of Nanami and Gojo talking about you — were you being narcissistic? It wasn’t that, it was something else. Something that had crossed your mind and heart several times; you wanted to be with both of them. You’re pressing Nanami’s contact icon and putting the phone to your ear, which he picks up in a heartbeat;

“Y/N,” His deep voice reminds you of home, “how are you doing? Did you sleep well?”

You bring your knees up to your chest, warmth making its way up to your cheeks, “Yes, I did. How are you?”

“I’m good, just worried about you.”

Your fingers play with the edge of your blanket, “Can I see you?”

“Of course,” He says, “it’s pretty late, too. Did you want to stay over?”

You nod eagerly, “Yes, I do.”

“Get your stuff ready, I’m on my way.”

┅

The two of you don’t talk about the elephant in the room on the car ride to Nanami’s place — at least, not yet. Once you two got into his place, Nanami hugged you. His scent overwhelms your senses, his arms around your waist tightening. You allow yourself to relax against his figure, feeling through his work shirt the defined muscles that lie beneath it. You feel that you could melt into him for how safe he feels as his arms engulf your figure. The two of you put your foreheads against one another, you can feel the heat radiating off from his body. Your hands are placed over his chest, your fingers fidgeting with the desire to remember how he feels until that’s all you can breathe.

“I know I’ve already said this,” Nanami’s hands move up to either side of your jaw, his fingers laced behind your ear and in your hair. He guides your head up towards him, “but I’ve missed you so much.”

You sigh, “I’ve missed you, too…so badly,” you’re the one to lean in so your lips meet his. The kiss is sensual and soft, the two of you taking your time drowning in each other’s taste. Nanami leans his head to the side for more access and you mirror his actions, opening your mouth for him. You feel him shudder as he slips his tongue into your mouth, lapping against the top of your tongue. Your hands grip the material of his shirt by his shoulders, his other arm inviting you to clash against his body by pushing your lower back into him.

You can feel his hardened bulge against your lower half, which makes you let out a strained whine into his mouth. Both of you pull back to catch your breaths but you have more in mind. You don’t waste time, you get down on your knees in front of him, your hands placed onto his thighs, and push him until his back comes in contact with the front door. Surprise is plastered across his features at your brazen ways, your nails running down his thighs as you say;

“Can I?” You motion with a nod of your head towards his bulge. You see Adam's apple go up as he swallows, still looking taken off guard. His eyebrows furrow in submission, eyes softening as his hand goes to the back of your head, his fingers threading throughout your hair.

He breathes out a ‘yes,’ and your fingers work at his zipper and button. You’re practically salivating at the thought of having him in your mouth, but that’s the thing, he deserves you to take your time with him. You push his pants down past his knees, pooling down by his ankles. You press your palm against his clothed bulge, making his hold on your hair tighten followed by a muffled moan. You press the flat of your tongue against his clothed bulge, your eyelids fluttering close with heavy pleasure.

Nanami doesn’t mean to, but due to the friction of your tongue against his aching cock makes his hips jerk forward. He knew himself to always be composed, being able to stay rigid no matter what circumstances went around him. But with you, with your hot tongue against his bulge and how you look on your knees for him — he was falling apart at the seams. Your fingers made their way to the top of his boxers and pulled them down, with his hardened cock springing up and falling against your already open mouth. You had your tongue out, too. Nanami wasn’t even aware of how hard he was panting, sweat building by his temples.

“Put it in your mouth,” He finds himself saying, pulling your head back by the hair so that the tip of his penis comes in contact with your tongue. You make his wish come true and wrap your sweet lips around his head, looking up at him, and Nanami understands. “Suck on it,” He instructs you, your cheeks hollow as you do so. He puts his cheek against his shoulder, a shaky breath dancing out from his lips.

“Fuck,” He grunts as you take him in even further, he can’t help but feel both surprised and proud as to how this is only your second time giving head and you already feel like you’ve been doing it for years. You bob your head up and down, your hand accompanying his heavy balls, giving it small squeezes.

“Good girl,” Nanami praises you in a rasped tone, “just like that, suck me off like the good girl you are.”

His words only make you take him in even deeper until it touches the back of your throat and you gag. You pull back, a string of thick salvia stretching from the tip of his bright pink cock and connecting to your bottom lip. Nanami swipes his thumb across your lower lip, your glistening eyes holding his gaze. He has never been this way before; yes, he’s had his cock sucked before by his previous relationship but it was just good. Whatever this was, it was the gates of heaven. His body was burning — no, trembling from the inside, and out.

Nanami bends down with his thumb and the rest of his fingers pinching your cheeks, your lips puckered out. He gathers saliva in his mouth and says, “Open wide, princess,” and like the good girl you are, you do so. He lets his spit dangling from his mouth and into yours, swallowing all of it. It was like he was a completely different person from you, never in a million years would he think that he would be this…filthy.

You grab his dick and put it back into your mouth, your other hand going on top of his that continues to hold your hair. You give it a nudge and Nanami pushes some more against the back of your head. At first, you have to take some breaths of air and Nanami is patient throughout all of it, “You’re doing so good,” He reassures you, “you’re making daddy so proud.”

Once he’s back in your mouth, Nanami finds a rhythm of pushing your head back and forth on his cock. The sounds of you choking are making his vision go blurry, his breath catching in his throat when he feels you drag your nails down his thighs.

“You should see yourself,” Nanami is a rambling mess, “how good you look…choking on my dick, angel.” You come back to catch your breath, his precum and saliva glistening around your mouth and running down your chin. “As much as I want to cum in your mouth,” Nanami breathes out, “I want to be inside of you more.”

You nod your head eagerly at him, standing up on shaking legs to indulge in a sloppy, fervent kiss. His strong arms lift you by your legs which wrap around his waist as he brings the two of you to the island in his kitchen that’s right by his front door. His hands roam your body eagerly yet attentively, his lips on your neck that give you open-mouthed kisses. His tongue against your skin sends shivers to tremble you in your bones. You lean your body back, setting your palms on the island counter.

Nanami’s large hands are all over you, he’s pushing your shirt up and his mouth latches around your nipples. He needs you so badly that he’s impatient. Your back arches into him while his other hand works down at your pants, moving underneath the fabric until you feel his fingers against your clothed pussy. You're unbuttoning his shirt, you’re impatient as well. Both of you are panting messes as the two you undress one another until you’re both bare. Your shirt is pulled over your shirt, while Nanami’s is pushed off his shoulders. Your pants and underwear are thrown somewhere to the side. He tugs at your hardened nipple with his teeth, looking up at you to watch your reaction. You hiss from the pain but it feels so good. Nanami trails kiss down your navel and stomach until his head is between your legs.

He plunges his face into your wet pussy, tongue licking over your plush nub. You let out cries of pleasure, your fingers in his hair. He lets out a growl against your pussy, followed by plunging two fingers into your wet entrance. Your thighs tremble, not even realizing how fast you’re reaching your orgasm. Nanami can tell, with his tongue working at your nub and fingers curling up inside you. Just as you're about to reach your high, the doorbell rings.

You and Nanami stop dead in your tracks, nothing but the sound of your heaving breaths can be heard. Nanami’s lips and chin glisten with your wetness. He stands up straight, running a hand through his messy hair (thanks to you).

“Fuck,” Nanami breathes out.

You ask, “What is it?”

Nanami says to you, “I forgot I invited Gojo tonight.”

#gojosoath<3 #kento nanami #gojo satoru #nanami x y/n #gojo x y/n #jujustu kaisen #jujustu kaisen au #anime fic #fluff #smut #angst #gojo angst #nanami angst #nanami and gojo #gojo au #nanami au #polyamory au #gojo smut #nanami smut

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mermaidsirennikita · 1 year ago

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sorry if you've done this already but can you recommend HRs with age gaps? I always love your posts about historical romances

Thank you! I appreciate it.

And I do have some age gap recs! For context, while I personally don't think an age gap gets "impressive" until you hit 15 years, I know that isn't everyone's measure, so I began with a 10-year gap.

Olivia and The Masked Duke by Grace Callaway has a 10-12 year gap, heroine is between 18 and 20 and has known the hero since childhood, kinky and fun with some myster.

Glory and The Master of Shadows by Grace Callaway has a similar ga, hero is the heroine's mentor is determined to not give in but.... alas...

Fiona and The Enigmatic Earl by Grace Callaway is a marriage of convenience book, similar age gap, SUPER hot, both the hero and the heroine have secret identies~.

My Dirty Duke by Joanna Ship has a 20 year old heroine and a 43 year old hero (she maaay be 18) and he's her dad's BFF she decides to seduce.

What I Did for A Duke by Julie Anne Long is a lovely house party romance with a 20 year old heroine and a hero pushing forty who's trying to seduce her as revenge against her brother, who basically cucked him.

Again the Magic by Lisa Kleypas--the main romance has two characters close in age, but the secondary romance (which is strong--it has its own POV chapters, etc) has a pretty substantial gap between a hero who needs to clean up his act and a heroine who holds him to that standard after her own trauma (her fiance died and she lost their baby after).

Lady Sophia's Lover by Lisa Kleypas has a a younger virginal character who installs herself as a maid in an older widower's house so she can have REVENGE.

Duke of Pleasure by Elizabeth Hoyt has a rakish duke hero and a younger (I wanna say 10-12 years) heroine who he runs into during an investigation. She's basically a street urchin who disguises herself as a boy often for safety, and I think that adds to this because he really awakens the grown woman~ in her. TW: violence because vigilantism, discussion of sexual abuse (I don't think towards either of the leads).

After Dark with the Duke by Julie Anne Long has a 25 year old scandalous opera singer heroine and a stuffy war hero 42 year old her who's literally about to become a grandpa. He looks down on her a lot, then they're forced to spend time together and he realizes she's amazing, of course.

Joss and The Countess by S.M. LaViolette has a 39 year old widowed heroine and a 28 year old hero who is her servant and then begins doing... other things... for her. TW: her dead husband was abusive in a very particular way, and there's a lot of discussions of SA in this.

Waiting for a Scot Like You by Eva Leigh has a heroine who's 46-47 and a 34 year old hero. She's widowed with grown children and is finally gonna get hers by attending this famous orgy, and he's her bodyguard on the trip.

#romance novel blogging #book recs

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kc-drama-fanatic · 10 months ago

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King the Land (2023)

Genre: Comedy, Romance

Main Actors: Lee Jun Ho, Yoona, Go Won Hee, Kim Ga Eun, Ahn Se Ha, Kim Jae Won, Kim Sun Young

Plot: A speedrun enemies-to-lovers workplace romance, with a little chaebol inheritance scheming thrown in. It's a fun, lighthearted drama with a great friend group (#SquadGoals) and low-stakes plot. The story unfolded naturally, not feeling rushed or dragged out over the 16 episodes. 10/10

Relationship: Gu Won is one of the top-tier green flags. His and Sa Rang's relationship was so wholesome and mature; I thoroughly enjoyed it. This is what happens when you communicate, y'all! 10/10

Characters: The characters were all thoroughly endearing...except the antagonist, but she experienced character growth, so I'll give her that. 10/10

Favourite Quote/Scene: Episode 11's ending/ When Gu Won asked Sa Rang for permission to kiss her. Just when I thought the man could get no hotter...

Final Thoughts: This was one of the best kdramas I've seen. It has it all: humour, romance, friendship, great plot, cast, and production...10/10

#king the land #kdrama #kdrama review

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hesitationss · 1 year ago

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i'm hoping to do pitching events and apply for creator grants soon, so i'm asking a bunch of friends for feedback plus i am curious to see which idea tumblr likes too! i'm currently trying to figure out which one to focus on since they are all at similar stages of development. if you want, you can also share your thoughts about why you picked the one you did! descriptions for each concept under the cut.

Dirty River

Pitch: During the occupation period, a 16 year old is living with her mom in a pacified village where the military force is stationed to crush the guerilla army. After a near death experience in a the nearby river, a ghost-like monstrosity begins to torment the occupying imperialists.

Comp: Pan’s Labyrinth dir. Guillermo Del Toro x Spirited Away (Studio Ghibli) x ATLA (blood bending and painted lady episodes)

Audience & Genre : Young Adult with some mature themes (poverty, war, death) | Horror (Ghost story, Folk Horror), Drama, Historical Fiction.

Extra Info: Takes place in a mountain village in fictious 1940s china. the monster is a ghost woman made of eels. plot b is that the protagonist is being pressured into marriage, in a sense, the vengeful eel woman is her saviour. it's partly a retelling of puteri gunung ledang who made impossible requests of a sultan because she was not allowed to formally refuse his advances.

Swimming Lessons

Pitch: Elementary school student Winny Yee has been signed up for swimming lessons after her family receives a low-income qualifying membership at the YMCA. Attempting to recover from almost a decade of failed swimming attempts, she takes her first kicks and tries not to sink.

Comp: This One Summer by Mariko and Jillian Tamaki x Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson and [GN adaption artist] Emily Carroll

Audience & Genre: Middle Grade w slightly mature themes (poverty, social anxiety, puberty, gender) | Social Realism, Coming of Age

Extra Info: Winny has an undiagnosed developmental disorder that is somewhat mild so she doesn't receive support which is why she feels she is always "behind". Mature themes include things like growing boobs, precocious puberty from implied family and poverty stress and feeling anxious about occupying a changing body. Set in the Pairies.

Summer Flood

Pitch: Chinese-Canadian coming of age family drama - At the start of summer, 20 year old Kiana Hom and her family move back to her childhood home to care for her ailing grandfather after a frightening trip to the emergency room.

Comp: Bone by Faye Myenne Ng x This One Summer by Mariko and Jillian Tamaki x Driveways dir. Andrew Ahn

Audience & Genre: Young Adult/Adult | Coming of Age, Family Drama, Social Realism, Multicultural

Extra Info: Social realism topics include eviction, micro-agression from White Canadians, their elderly Indigenous neighbour being neglected by Accessible Transit, medical care neglect, mother-daughter tension, but overall learning to adapt and find joy despite adversity. Set in the prairies, like 2006?. Basically: cleaning up your hoarder grandfather's neglected house which is your childhood home and the memories that accompany that.

Skinning House

Pitch: Late 80’s - Childhood friends are re-united when Lucy’s neighbourhood is displaced from gas leak explosions. The large house of her family’s friend is one of both magic and horrors. Featuring - Witches, werewolves, queerness, hauntings/gothic themes, romance, coming of age.

Comp: Tithe by Holly Black x Mooncakes by Wendy Xu & Suzanne Walker x Mamo by Sas Milledge

Audience & Genre: Young Adult | Coming of Age, Fantasy, Horror/Gothic themes, Urban Fantasy

Extra Info: Lucy is the protag, but her childhood friend Cam is being magically tortured by their father who treats them like an animal since their mom (witch) turned them into a werewolf and went missing. Lucy, also a witch, is being hunted by something inside the house. Late 80's in a developing prairie city beginning just before winter.

thanks!!!! <333

#no rbs pls !!#if you took the time to read all of that... thank you!!!#okay getting ready for bed now!!

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amethystina · 8 months ago

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Nine people you'd like to get to know better

I was tagged by @fr-wiwiw! Thank you so much, darling 💜

3 Ships

I guess I'll just make it easy for myself and pick the ones I'm currently most focused on writing fanfics for? xD

Kang Yo Han/Kim Ga On - The Devil Judge

5-8/Yoon Sa Wol - Black Knight

Seo Moon Jo/Yoon Jong Woo - Strangers From Hell

First ship

Destiel. If we're going by the first ship I got REALLY invested in.

Last Song

MAISON - Dreamcatcher

It's my girls 💜

Currently Reading

The Lady's Guide to Celestial Mechanics by Olivia Waite

It's a delightful F/F historical romance! And SUCH an improvement from the book I read a couple of days ago which was a M/M fantasy romance which SHOULD have been good, had it not COMPLETELY failed at the power balance in the BDSM relationship. I mean, I admit I'm no expert, but even I can do better and writing isn't even my job.

Okay, there were a lot of other things that were wrong with that book — like the lazy world-building, repetitive characters, repetitive tropes, predictable plot etc. — but the thing that upset me the most was the power balance. Or lack thereof. I do NOT find it enjoyable to read about a sheltered and emotionally abused nineteen-year-old who is an unrecognised and powerless bastard child of a noble and so small and frail he is described as having hollowed-out bones like a bird, ending up as the submissive to a 27-year-old prince built like a tank and with enough influence, political power, and magic to literally rule an entire kingdom.

Like, knock yourself out if that's your thing — I'm happy for you — but it just felt icky to me.

I much prefer my astronomy lesbians, thank you.

Last Movie

I genuinely can't remember since I've watched so little lately. I think it might have been Gunpowder Milkshake back during New Year's?

I should maybe do something about that.

Currently Craving

Sleep. Or anything containing sugar to combat how tired I am. I couldn't sleep last night so today has been rough. But tomorrow will most likely be even rougher. I'm most likely going to end up with a fever. So yeah.

I tag whoever wants to do it! :D

#Amethystina Does Tag Games #I was genuinely baffled by the movie question #I really thought I must have seen another movie since then #But I can't think of one #So I guess not?#Not even REWATCHING a movie #I guess that says a thing or two about how little I've watched lately #I've been more focused on writing and drawing #And now reading #Ah well #That's how it is sometimes

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hydranomago · 8 months ago

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[Lyrics & translation under cut]

Furui ARUBUMU no naka ni, kakurete omoide ga ippai Mujaki na egao no shita no, hizuke wa, haruka na MEMORII

The pages in this old album is full of hidden memories. Under these innocent smiles, it dates back to distant memories.

Toki wa mugen no tsunagari de, owari o omoi mo shinai ne Te ni todoku uchuu wa, kagirinaku sunde Kimi o tsusuinde ita

Time continually flows forever. If it ended, feelings wouldn't die off, would it? The universe that you can reach with your hands is exceedingly clear. It will envelop you.

Otona no kaidan noboru, kimi wa mada SHINDERERA sa Shiawase wa darekaga kitto, hakon de kureru to shinjiteru ne

Climbing up the steps to adulthood, you are still Cinderella. Fortune will surely come to everyone. Believe that the carriage will bring it about, ok?

Shoujo datta to itsu no hi ka, omou toki ga kuru no sa

Time will come where you'll wish for the days you were just a young girl.

Kirari komorebi no youna, mabushii omoide ga ippai Hitori dake yokomuku, kinen shashin da ne Koi o yumemiru koro

The way sunlight glitters as it filters through the trees is full of dazzling memories. You turn to the side by yourself. This was a commemoration photo, wasn't it? For those days where you dreamed of romance.

Garasu no kaidan oriru, garasu no kutsu SHINDERERA sa Odoriba de ashi o tomete, tokei no oto kinishite iru

Climbing down the glass steps with glass shoes is Cinderella. You stop your feet as you notice the chime of the clock in the ballroom.

Shoujo datta to natsukashii, furimuku hi ga aru no sa

There will be days you'll turn around and miss being just a young girl.

Otona no kaidan noboru, kimi wa mada SHINDERERA sa Shiawase wa darekaga kitto, hakon de kureru to shinjiteru ne

Climbing up the steps to adulthood, you are still Cinderella. Fortune will surely come to everyone. Believe that the carriage will bring it about, ok?

Shoujo datta to itsu no hi ka, omou toki ga kuru no sa Shoujo datta to natsukashii, furimuku hi ga aru no sa

Time will come where you'll wish for the days you were just a young girl. There will be days you'll turn around and miss being just a young girl.

Credit: http://www.animelyrics.com/jpop/chihiroyonekura/omoidegaippai.htm

#yuuri #優里 #yuuri singer #song #japanese songs #80s music #80s songs #translation #lyrics #kimura yuuri

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write-it-motherfuckers · 2 years ago

Audio

🖤~Song Of The Day~🖤

The song of the day is: Re:Tune - BattleImedley from Romancing Sa Ga 1,2,3,Romancing SAGA -Minstrel Song- -by- Kenji Ito

The challenge is to write something based off of this song, be it the name, the cover, or the tune itself. Let your imagination go wild and see where the music takes you.

Have at it Darlings!

#write-it-motherfuckers #writing prompt #writing prompts #writing #prompt #story prompt #story prompts #story #prompts #story time motherfucker #song of the day

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pitagain · 2 years ago

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#365DaysOfVGM Day 147:

Leonid Castle (Romancing SaGa 3 [1995])

‘Twas a good 10 or 11 days of really popular tracks, or at the very least, tracks from franchises almost everyone knows about. That streak had to meet its end someday, but don’t scroll past this one just yet, it has just as much appeal in the music department, perhaps maybe not in the areas you’re expecting. Without further ado…

Easily the most melancholy music I’ve heard on the Super Famicom, being a top favorite for sheer atmosphere and emotions for said atmosphere getting as close to perfection as possible, as short as it is! The heavy Drums keep you on your toes with how sudden their louder noises are, echo-ing across the halls. Those long, drawn-out Strings especially make it feel like a gigantic funeral for the many creatures now turned undead. It’s also a grim reminder of this vampire’s castle that you’re likely struggling to get to the deeper basement floors of, since most of the haunted creatures here will quickly wipe any team that isn’t already in late-game power.

Imagining this in the bleak-looking kind of final stage for any game that takes itself seriously enough, elaborates how much staying power this track has in my mind! I’d have to do a 2nd playthrough of Romancing SaGa 3 to confidently say if it’s worth playing these days, but I can tell you that I had a pretty good time with it during my 1st playthrough, tackling whichever challenges I stumbled upon along the way.

The lack of clear direction most SaGa games have, as well as their highly customizable characters that can eventually master any field in combat you desire, present a kind of openness that might not appeal to that many, but is part of SaGa’s identity (Want a team of only heavy sword users? Kinda impractical, but fun with enough planning, especially since you have plenty of different techniques to use for each weapon in its own limited point system, as if they were their own magic class! Oh, and you can recruit Leonid the vampire himself if you can get through his castle, with his own unique traits and magic class too!)

(Length before loop: 1+ minutes)

youtube

#Romancing SaGa 3 #romancing saga #rs3 #RomancingSaGa 3 #Romancing SaGa #RomancingSaGa #RS #SaGa #Sa • Ga #super famicom #SuperFamicom #SFC #365daysofvgm #youtube #Youtube #Leonid (SaGa)#Sa•Ga

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lemonkeiku · 1 year ago

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Bambi : Old Comrades

Call of Duty Original Character Fic

Summary : During 'Old Comrades' mission, Price introduced Kyle a new figure; another SAS operator who had an extreme methode of interogating a subject.

Pairing: None. This story won't lead to any romance build up. Maybe platonic for later.

Words count: 4,216

Warnings: alternate universe, civilian hostages, violent description, possibly bad English especially the grammar (sorry, English is not my first language), lack of British written accent, inaccurate military term (I tried my best to do research).

Author's nore: This is the second part of my first series of How 141 met my OC; Bambi with Gaz. This part took a scene from Modern Warfare 2019.

31 OCTOBER 2019 1700 St. Petersburg, Russia.

Kyle had been so prepared for this day. From the moment he walked into the room, he knew it was time to take The Butcher down for what he'd done at the Embassy. In fact, he couldn't wait to get down there and take The Butcher out, if only Price wouldn't hold him back and make him stick to the plan. Although this mission was technically unsanctioned, no one wanted to draw too much attention to themselves. Kyle himself didn't want to start an unwanted war.

The plan was to ambush The Butcher and bring him in for questioning. They needed to know where the gas was. They also needed to know where Hadir was and what his plan was. After Hadir’s betrayal, it was only a matter of time before he did whatever he had planned.

On that small flat, they’ve been watching over The Butcher since his arrival. Who knows what happened inside the building, but clearly, they knew The Butcher was in there. As Kyle saw the situation, there were not that many men guarding outside. Apparently The Butcher didn’t bring big numbers of men, so it was a good start.

“Let’s gear up, get evil– clock’s tickin’.”

Three of them–including Nikolai–started to move to a different room. All their gears were there and Nikolai made sure everything would be untraceable. Considering they had to stay low, they got enough supplies to catch The Butcher. Kyle wouldn’t complain. It was an easy job, he was sure he wouldn't need any additional ammo.

“Rally at the warehouse,” Nikolai informed. As far as Kyle knew, that was where they would bring The Butcher for questioning.

“Rog’. Bring the package.” Price’s response made Kyle question his head. He didn’t know anything about any package. But for now, he thought it would be something to make The Butcher talk. “And don’t forget to pick up that Young Lady,” Price added.

Nikolai nodded his head. “On my way, Captain.”

“Young Lady?” Kyle was confused–obviously. There was a package that he didn’t know about and now there was someone called ‘Young Lady’. He couldn’t help himself to wonder if he really knew about the whole plan. “Another old comrade of yours, sir?” He guessed as they made their way to leave the flat.

“Not really. Just someone who can make our plan run easier,” Price answered. “I know you want another shot at The Butcher.”

Both Kyle and Price went down the stairs as they stopped right on the exit door. They needed to check the situation again before stepping out of the building. The building they were in was directly across the target location and there were four men guarding outside. All of them were armed–definitely.

“We sweep the guards up so they can’t alert the others, then move in on the rear door,” Price briefed. “Guns on my signal, not before.”

“Rog’.”

Kyle was so ready behind Price as they managed to leave the building, stepping their foot outside where the four men were aware of their presence. He tried to act as calm as he could, especially after he saw how calm Price was. They proceeded to approach the four men. It was obvious they would start to act aggressively towards the two.

Price was the one who stepped closer as one of those men approached him. Price didn’t try to reach his gun–yet, even though the man in front of him swung his gun in the air. Not gonna lie, Kyle didn’t feel at ease seeing how the man was getting more aggressive on each step.

“Easy. Easy, mate, we’ve got permits, alright?” Price tried to convince and of course it wasn’t convincing enough.

The man was pointing his gun now at Price. “You’re not welcome here! Go away!”

“Show him, Kyle–Now..!”

Kyle drew his gun immediately. He took out two guards in a split second, as fast as he could when Price shot two more before anyone could open fire. They didn't waste any time at all. They had to find out the whereabouts of Hadir and the gas as soon as they could.

They moved quickly to the door of a building where The Butcher was. The door led them down into a basement level. Kyle could hear the distant voice of a man speaking. It must be The Butcher.

For the time being, it would be best for them to have a look at the situation they were about to face. Kyle took the smallest step he could so that no one would be alarmed. Price was right behind him, making sure that there was no extra treat that was following them.

To the room, where The Butcher’s voice came from, Kyle could see him from between the racks. It seemed like he conducted a meeting with three AQ members. Whatever it was, Kyle won’t let it last longer.

“There he is…” Price whispered behind him. As a sign, he patted Kyle on the shoulder.

Kyle shot two of the men around The Butcher, while Price took out another man. They were able to take out the guards, but The Butcher was quick to react and took off running.

“Butcher is running! Get after him!”

Kyle didn't hold back. He ran. He ran as soon as he saw The Butcher running. Even when some AQ soldiers tried to stop him, he wasn't going to let him get away this time. He tried to escape through the bar and went to the other side of the building. The Butcher was even sneaky enough to run out into the main street, where many civilians ran in panic at his appearance. Not only that, but he didn't hesitate to shoot, regardless of whether the civilians were hit or not.

Kyle and Price ran after the man through several buildings. Many AQ soldiers appeared out of nowhere, ambushing them and trying to stop them as The Butcher continued to try to escape. For a second of thought, Kyle was afraid that he might lose The Butcher. The man didn’t stop and it felt like they couldn’t stop him with dozens of AQ soldiers kept coming and shooting at them. Not to mention the fact that they have to run all over the city, in and out of buildings, to catch up with the Butcher before they lose him.

They left the café and returned to the main road. There they saw the Butcher still trying to escape. But to their surprise, a black van hit The Butcher hard at high speed, knocking him to the ground. Turned out the driver of the van was Nikolai. He grabbed The Butcher and dragged him into the van with Kyle’s help.

“Who are you? So my men can send your heads home to your families…” The Butcher still could talk apparently, even after Nikolai hit him so hard.

“Fuck off, shit-pouch,” Kyle cursed.

“How’s the preparation?” Price asked as he was jumping onto the passenger seat.

“Everything’s ready, Captain,” Nikolai answered. The van started to move, driving them away before the police arrived.

Price added, “And the Young Lady ?”

The Young Lady was mentioned again and, yet, Kyle still didn’t know who she was or what was her role on this mission. Kyle couldn't guess whether she was from the SAS, CIA or one of the old comrades Price had mentioned earlier.

“She’s already there.”

Kyle definitely had so many questions but this wasn’t the right time to ask. For now, he just needed to follow his Captain and see what’s coming.

—

They’re van arrived at a warehouse in the suburbs. The place was quite big but the only men they could see were people involved in the mission. Kyle thought that was quite reasonable. It’d be a problem if there were civilians there.

As they entered a building, Kyle’s eyes immediately locked on a young woman standing near another truck that parked there. He never saw her before– maybe, he wasn’t sure. She didn't look familiar. She had wavy black hair with eyes as blue as the ocean–literally. It was quite noticeable actually. And another thing that really stood out was her dark purple lipstick she was using.

She must be the Young Lady that they had been talking about. It was the only reason why she was there.

“Having a run around, eh?” She grinned, most likely to Price.

As some men brought The Butcher inside the warehouse, Price seemed to be walking directly to the young woman. Kyle even saw them shaking hands that indicated that they already knew each other.

“Diggory,” he greeted . “Thanks for coming.”

“Gerald did a great job at convincing me. You’re lucky I managed to slip between my schedule,” she responded, making Price chuckled.

“How’s your wound?” he asked.

“Try to be nice, yeah, Captain?”

“You got me.”

“I've been back on duty since 2 months ago.” She crossed her arms. “Clearly you've missed the news.”

The two of them kept talking for a while like they were trying to catch up with each other. That made Kyle wonder if both of them really knew each other for some time. And after a little observation–he could be wrong, but Kyle felt that the young woman might be younger than him. She had a warm expression on her face for the entire time. She also sounded easy going. Most of the time she talked very casually but tried to stay respectful toward Price.

“Garrick.” Price looked at him. “This is Corporal Diggory. SAS. She’ll help us get what we need from The Butcher.”

“It’s Thea.” She smiled at him. “But Diggory’s fine.”

“Glad you’re able to join us.” The two of them shaked hands.

“Just giving the Captain a little favor,” she replied.

“Let’s not waste any more time, shall we? Diggory, stand by for the packages. I’ll call you when you’re needed.”

“Rog’ that.”

—

The Butcher definitely won’t talk. It has been more than an hour since they tried to get intel from him but he gave them nothing. Yegor also seemed to be getting tired of beating him relentlessly from earlier. He was really hard to break.

Kyle stood there, watching the entire session. Actually, he was already furious that he couldn't do anything about it. If not for the information they needed, Kyle wanted to kill that man right now. He didn't stop chattering, trying to provoke them all.

“You can’t hurt me, you weak piece of shit!”

Price seemed unbothered.

“But you, Captain. Oh, you can do better than that… You think I forgot your face, SAS?” He was chattering again. “Or you, Sergeant?”

Kyle took the bait.

“You motherfucker–” His anger controlled him eventually. His anger was almost overwhelming and he was about to punch that man if only Price didn’t stop it.

“Hey! Get your head in the game, Sergeant,” Price warned him.

“We need to break this bastard, Captain…”

“We are about to…” he assured. “You go to Nikolai, you get the package, you come back here. Alright? And bring Diggory with you.”

Kyle didn’t talk much. He didn’t say anything, actually. He immediately turned himself back and walked out through the door.

He could see Thea was still there, standing and waiting as another van reverse pulled into the warehouse. The van stopped with not only Kyle and Thea, but also Nikolai walked closer to the back door of the van.

That was another thing Kyle didn’t know anything about; the packages. Deep down there, Kyle felt already annoyed with the sudden addition of Thea to the mission. But his question about her was already being answered–even it was not a clear answer. Now, he still had a lot of questions about the mysterious packages.

What was the package? And how were they going to use it against The Butcher? Was it really gonna work?

He felt like they kept him in the dark about this one.

“Sergeant Garrick. Corporal Diggory,” Nikolai said. “Package is in the back.”

“What is it?” Kyle questioned.

“Oh, you're gonna love it.” Kyle saw Thea grinning at the van’s door, making him curious if whatever is in there will make The Butcher talk.

Nikolai also sounded enthusiastic, “Truth serum.”

Truth serum? Kyle was unsure whether Nikolai meant it literally or metaphorically. He knew truth serum wasn’t a real thing. At least, it must be something that could make The Butcher’ spill the truth.

He approached the door as his hand grabbed both of the door’s handle and opened it widely. The first thing that came through his mind when he saw what was in the van was pure confusion.

In that van, there was a woman and a little boy–probably her son, hugging each other in fear. The mother started begging him not to hurt her and her son right after he saw him open the door. She kept saying she knew nothing before Kyle even started to talk.

Kyle was really confused right now. His body froze, couldn't even move. His mind couldn’t even think.

What is it? Why are we kidnapping innocent people?

“Bargaining chips… for negotiation,” Nikolai explained. “Perhaps, the Butcher will have a change of heart.”

There were already many questions piling up in Kyle's mind and now it felt like he was getting more questions than answers. He looked at Thea as he asked if she knew about this too. Seeing how calm she was, he got his answer immediately.

He really wanted to ask about this, but he couldn't. All he could do right now was pull the two of them out from the van.

“Please don’t hurt my son– we’ll do what you say…” the poor woman begged.

“Then move out.” Thea’s tone was cold as she didn’t question her doing like Kyle did. Her eyes changed, her warm expression she showed before was also gone like she was a whole new person.

The poor woman responded with a scream, her son was terrified as they were guided to the warehouse door. She tried to calm her son down while walking through the door. And those scenery didn’t budge Thea at all who walked ahead of them . That was really concerning for Kyle.

“Keep begging like that when you are inside,” Thea told them. “It might help you there.”

“What you’re doing is unforgivable. We are innocent people…” the woman claimed.

This time, Thea smiled but she didn’t say anything. She took off something from her pocket; a pair of black gloves and wore them as they were about to arrive at the door. Another thing Kyle noticed was a gun on the back. She didn’t try to conceal it like she meant the mother and her son to see it.

They stopped right before the door. Then Price walked out from the door like he was welcoming them. He stood there for a while, even the mother started to beg again. But just like Thea, he didn’t react besides telling them to keep silent.

“Kyle, you don’t have to do this. Thea will take over from here,” Price stated. “You’re in or out?”

Thea turned at Kyle, almost like she questioned the same thing to him.

There shouldn't be any question about what Kyle wanted. He wanted to see the Butcher break, no matter what kind of method they were going to use.

“I’m in, sir… All in.”

“Good.” Price opened the door. “Hand them off to Yegor.”

Thea walked in right after Price. Kyle was still with the hostages as they entered the room. The Butcher immediately reached when he saw the woman and her son, recognised them as his family and demanded to let them go.

A lot of things happened in just a short period of time. As Kyle could see, Yegor took over the hostages, sat them on a chair next to the Butcher while still hugging each other and covered their heads with sacks. Thea pulled her gun out right in front of the Butcher, who started yelling, and his family.

Somehow, this was too much to see for Kyle. No wonder they didn’t want this on record. What they did here was almost illegal– it felt wrong.

“What did you do?! Your son is here! Your own child!” the woman demanded her husband.

“He’s got no problem hurting children… Isn’t that right, Sergeant?”

Kyle knew exactly what Price referred to. He remembered clearly how the Butcher killed an innocent child in the Embassy. How ironic, now he begged his son not to be harmed.

“None…” Kyle answered coldly.

“What have you done?! You promised you’d keep this away from us!” The woman kept pleading that left the Butcher speechless, enough to put his guard down.

“Captain,” Yegor interrupted. “I can’t do this.”

Even Yegor couldn’t handle this. Kyle won’t be surprised, neither Price.

“You’re excused,” Price let him walk out the room, leaving the three of them with the hostages. “She’ll take over from here.”

Yoger was already gone, even Price took a few steps back as he was letting Thea proceed the session. Kyle also stayed where he was, observed whatever was going to happen. At this angle, Kyle could only see her back. He didn’t know what expression she gave right now, let alone what she was thinking that could make her stand up straight there.

The woman kept begging for her life and her son. It was almost too hard to hear. Both of them were terrified and they had the right to feel so.

“Let’s make it quick, shall we?” She raised her gun to the head of the woman and her son without hesitation. “Which head will get you talking?”

The woman started screaming and her son began to cry. Thea’s voice alone was enough to make the atmosphere more intense. Whatever face she made, it managed to make the Butcher frightened.

“Don’t… don’t… don’t–Hey, hey, hey, hey!!”

“Please, please… We are not involved with any of this. I assure you…”

Thea was unmoved. She unpinned her gun’s safety just to make three of them more frightened. “I asked, which head?”

“Hey! Hey! Look at me! Stop! Stop! They have nothing to do with this!” The Butcher yelled, begging for Thea to stop pointing her gun to his family.

“THEN TALK!”

A shot from her gun exploded, aiming right a few centimeters away from his wife's head. The wife screamed even louder with her son that could stop crying in her arms. Kyle was shocked, but tried not to let any gasp out from his mouth. He never thought she would do it. She maybe didn’t aim her head, but what if she will? Is she going to go that extreme?

“Okay, okay! Stop! Please! Please, leave them alone, they have no information for you.”

Thea fixed her aim, now pointed her gun right to his son’s head and made sure the Butcher saw it. “I know. But you have. Now start talking or I’ll make sure to aim for your son's head next.”

“You heard her. Where’s the gas?” Price slipped back in.

But it seemed like the Butcher forgot about Thea’s threat, so he pushed off the Captain. “Fuck you!” he cursed.

Price was also getting impatient. He raised his chin at Thea as a signal and she immediately grabbed the son away from his mother, creating more panic among the parents who started begging even harder. The voices of screaming, begging and crying echoed through the room they were in.

“Hey, hey, hey! No, no, no! Leave him, leave him! No!” the Butcher kept begging.

“No, no, please! Leave him alone! No!” and his wife cried for his son.

But Thea showed him no mercy as the tip of her gun now pointed to his wife’s head while holding his son. “Last chance, where is the gas?” she demanded.

“Listen to me, listen to me! Karetka Theater–”

“Lying!” Price cut him off.

“No, I’m not! I swear to you. I’m not! The gas is there. I swear!” He didn’t sound like he’s lying for Kyle. With his family in danger, lying was probably the last thing he would do.

Kyle now decided to join the session. He couldn’t just watch there and not do anything. At least Thea already did the hardest part. Now they managed to break the Butcher, it was the right time to dig more information from him.

“Where’s Hadir?” Kyle questioned.

The Butcher now turned to him. “The ‘youngblood’? You– you’re too late to stop him. General Barkov will already be dead.”

Kyle didn’t exactly understand what he meant, but it was clear that Hadir went after Barkov. The only thing that remained the same was he wanted Barkov dead.

“Hadir– he’s going after Barkov,” Price concluded. “We’re done with him. You take a minute.”

Thea let the son back to his mother as Price walked away. Kyle stayed there for a moment when someone handed him a gun. It was Thea with the same gun she had been using.

“You look like someone with a lot of anger, Sergeant. Guess I’ll let you decide his fate,” she suggested when she handed over the gun to Kyle. “My job is done. I’ll see you outside.”

Kyle took the gun– yes he did, but somehow he decided to spare the Butcher’s life and let the Russians have him. Knowing his family was involved and in danger because of his actions was punishment enough for him. For the rest of his life he had to face his own family who were disappointed in him.

He walked outside, closed the door behind her before catching after Thea.

“Hey– Thea!” he called. “Was that really necessary?”

She turned around, stopped her steps to face him. She gave him a confused look, as she questioned his question. “Which one?”

“Threatening his family– threatening his wife and son. Do you even agree with this method?”

“But it did work, didn't it? So, I’d say it was necessary,” she smiled.

“Does it have to go that far? Threatening people who might not know anything?”

“We fight for what we think is right, Sergeant. So do what you think is necessary. Even if it means over-egging the pudding.”

His morals felt like crashing to each other. He completely agreed with her, but if it meant they had to hurt innocent people just because they were related to their target, it felt wrong.

She then sighed with both of her hands on her waist. “Look– if you’re wondering, was I really gonna shoot them, the answer is no. My job is just to give him a little push so he would talk by any means necessary, but– of course– I draw a line how far I'd go. So don’t worry– I’m not that mad,” she added– or more like clarified.

Strange, it made Kyle feel a little relieved.

“Happy?” she asked.

Kyle hated to admit it. “At least we got the location of the gas.”

He hated to admit that her method did work. They knew where the gas was. They even got to know what Hadir’s next plan was.

“Come on, Sergeant– we need to move.”

Price was already in front of a Russian police car that was parked there. Kyle heard that Nikolai said it was going to help them out of the city.

“Garrick– Get in the car. Cover us,” Price told him.

Kyle was about to get to the car but he saw Thea was staying with Nikolai.

“Is she not coming with us?” Kyle asked.

“Me? Oh, no, no,” she answered. “I need to get back before anyone notices I was gone. I have my own things to do after all.” She smiled again and this time, her warm expression was back like he first met her a couple hours ago.

It was a unique experience for Kyle to meet someone like Thea. She was young but she seemed to know things more than he did. She also handled the situation well and stuck to her objective.

And he thought Price would agree.

“Thank you for your assistance, Diggory. You did a great job. I owe you one,” Price praised her.

“Yeah, yeah… Glad I could help,” she replied before walking towards the car. “I’ll see you around, Sergeant. Pleasure to work with you.”

“You too, Corporal.” He opened the car’s door and hopped in, rolling down his side’s windows.

“Bambi.”

“Sorry?”

“Next time we meet, call me Bambi.” She smiled, putting both hands on her waist. “That goes for you too, Captain. Try to start calling me with that name next time.”

“You got your own callsign now?” Price stuck his head out of his seat window

“Yeah… I just got my own weird name and it'd better I tell you now rather than later.”

“Bambi, yeah? It suits you,” Price chuckled.

“Suits me my ass.”

“Diggory. Language.”

“Whatever. You better off now before I flip over this car.”

Kyle couldn’t help himself from laughing to their interaction. But joke aside, she was right, they had to go now. They shouldn’t waste any more time by now.

Price drove the car off as Kyle could see Thea waving at them– vanished from his eyes as they left the warehouse.

#call of duty #call of duty original character #cod oc #cod original character #original character #captain john price #kyle gaz garrick #gaz x oc #gaz cod #gaz call of duty #price cod #athea 'bambi' diggory

3 notes · View notes