#Right whatever you want who am I to say anything

[swappermanent]

Gym Crush (Part 2)

Read Part 1 by @exploratorytfs.

It’s been a year and a half since the swap, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about how crazy it all was. You might be wondering—why would I trade the life I had? I mean, I had it pretty damn good.

Before all this, I was hot. Not just passable, but the kind of hot that turned heads. I had worked my ass off to look the way I did—hours at the gym, eating clean, all of it. And then there was Edgar. God, Edgar. This dude was a walking Greek statue: broad shoulders, a thick chest, veins for days. I mean, it wasn’t just the muscles; it was the way he carried himself. Confidence, swagger, like he knew he could get whatever he wanted. And yeah, I guess at the time, he was my boyfriend.

But even with all of that—being hot, dating a hunk like Edgar—I just couldn’t do it anymore.

You’re probably thinking I’m nuts. I mean, guys like Edgar don’t come around often, especially not for guys like me. Let’s be real, most dudes who look like him wouldn’t even give a trans guy like me the time of day. So, yeah, I was lucky. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself. I should’ve been happy, but the truth is... I wasn’t.

Why? Well, Edgar. He wanted me to be this perfect, submissive, fem bottom. And look, I’ve got nothing against that. There are guys out there who rock that vibe, who own it, and good for them. That’s just not who I am.

I know, I know—saying this out loud would probably get me canceled in half the gay bars across the country. But I really am masc for masc. Always have been. I’m not saying it to be some sort of gatekeeper or anything; it’s just... that’s what I’ve always wanted for myself.

And it’s not just about who I’m attracted to—it’s about me, too. My whole life, I’ve been trying to prove I’m man enough. To the world. To other guys. Hell, even to myself.

Transitioning was the first step, obviously. But it wasn’t enough. I wanted to look the part, you know? That’s why I inked myself up. And the gym was my second home, but even after countless hours of sweat and dedication, I could never quite bulk up. No matter how much protein I shoved down or how hard I lifted, my frame stayed twinky.

Don’t get me wrong—there were plenty of guys who loved me for it. I mean, twinks are kind of a whole thing, right? A lot of guys would’ve killed to look like I did, but that wasn’t the point. It didn’t feel like me. I didn’t just want to be a guy; I wanted to be a man. The kind of man Edgar was.

And Edgar... he didn’t see me that way. Sure, he’d call me hot, touch me like he couldn’t get enough, but then he’d taunt me. He’d weaponize my body. Every time he called me “pussy boy” or made some comment about how he was more of a man than I was, it chipped away at me. He might’ve thought it was playful, but to me it was cruel. And I couldn’t take it anymore.

Initially, I thought if I just stuck it out, maybe things would change. Maybe he’d see me differently, respect me more. He didn’t. My self-esteem tanked. I started dreading the time we spent together, and eventually, I just... stopped putting out.

And of course, that’s when things really fell apart. Edgar doesn’t do well with rejection—big shocker, right? So yeah, I wasn’t exactly surprised when Edgar came sliding back into my DMs after. But honestly, I wasn’t planning on responding. I’d already been down that road, and I’d told myself after the last time—no more.

Still, when I saw what he was pitching, I couldn’t help but be curious. Swapping bodies with a cis guy? At first, I rolled my eyes. Like, thats even possible. But the more I thought about it, the more curious I got.

The guy Edgar had in mind? Not exactly a stunner. When Edgar sent me his photo, I remember staring at it for way longer than I should’ve, trying to pick out anything redeeming. The dude was... average. A little too soft in the face, a little too plain. But, to be fair, there was some potential there. Barely.

His eyes were nice, though—kind of soulful, in a way that made you think he might be a good guy deep down. And the kicker? He was taller than me by a good 6  inches. That alone had my interest. But let’s not kid ourselves; the real selling point was the fact that he had a cock.

That was the dream, wasn’t it? My own cock. I’d spent years dealing with the disappointment of not being able to fully live out the life I wanted. Transitioning had given me so much, but this? This was the missing piece. In this kid’s body, I could finally live out the fantasy that had been sitting in the back of my mind for years.

I could be the top I’d always wanted to be. I could take guys home, pin them down, and breed them with my own cock and fill them with my own cum. No more strap-ons, no more awkward positioning—just me, fully in charge, giving them EVERY. SINGLE. INCH.

Maybe with a little muscle here, a little polish there, I could make it something great.

So I said yes.

I’m not gonna lie—the first year in this body wasn’t easy. Adjusting to a new frame, new habits, new... everything? Yeah, it was a grind. But if there’s one thing I’ve always had, it’s work ethic. Between that and this body’s naturally high testosterone—and okay, yeah, I might’ve dipped into some steroids here and there—I’d say I built myself up pretty damn good.

Look at me now. I run my own training service. I mean, it’s not like I’m the most skilled coach out there or anything. But honestly? That doesn’t seem to matter much. Guys line up for my programs, and we all know why. They don’t just want my advice—they want to look like me. I’m walking inspiration. Living proof that the dream is achievable, or at least that’s how they see it.

And man, the way people treat me now? Everyone’s calling me “bro” or “dude” every other sentence. Not that they didn’t before—I’ve always leaned into that vibe—but there’s something about hearing it now that hits different. Maybe it’s the weight of my cock swinging in my shorts as they say it. It’s like the final piece of the puzzle clicked into place. Everything just feels... right.

And the best part? This manhood of mine? Oh, it’s gotten around.

I mean, come on. Looking like this, how could it not? Guys want me. They crave me. They crave my fleshy, thick, no kidding, natural, beer can of a cock throbbing inside of them.They’ll do whatever it takes to get a night with me, and honestly, who could blame them?

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Feels Like Home

Fandom: Marvel (Mob Boss AU)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Summary: Bucky's world is filled with a lot of blood, death, and danger. But when he's with you, everything is filled with love, light, and gentleness. It's a feeling he didn't know he craved until he met you.

Bucky Barnes Masterlist

Bucky at home was a stark contrast to how he was out on the streets of Brooklyn. To the outside world, he was James Barnes, the fearsome head of the Barnes Family, the leading crime family in Brooklyn. But when it was just you and him, in your dingy apartment, he was your Bucky Bear, a soft man who loved to cuddle, cook you dinner, and watch rom-coms with you.

That's the Bucky you'd always see as soon as he was in your presence.

Right now though, he isn't your Bucky Bear. He's James Barnes and he's got death on his mind. In the shadows of the alleyway, you can see how he's pointing his gun at the man in front of him.

"You've given me excuse after excuse, Dalton. I'm sick of it. Where's my money?" he grips the man by the caller of his shirt, and pulls him in closer, the barrel of the gun staring him in the face.

"Buck," Sam murmurs Bucky's name.

You watch as Bucky looks to Sam and when Sam nods in your direction, Bucky follows. His eyes widen, "Sweetheart." He immediately pockets his gun and rush over to you.

"What're you doing out so late at night?"

Your dog, Taffy, jumps at Bucky's legs when he gets close. Bucky leans down and scratches the corgi behind her ears, "Hiya, girl."

"She had a lot of energy when I got home from work. So I figured a walk around the block would be good for her." Your eyes dart to Sam and the man in the alleyway, "Is everything okay?"

Bucky looks over his shoulder and then back at you, "Yeah. Just...business." He wraps a protective arm around you, leading you away from the alley, "Wait here. I'll walk Taffy with you and we have dinner."

He moves to pull away but you grip at his wrist, "Bucky, it's fine. I can walk the neighborhood by myself. Go handle business or whatever."

Bucky continues to walk back, "Stay there." At his command, Taffy immediately sits and he chuckles, "At least she listens to me."

When he heads back to Sam and the unknown man, they exchange a few words you can't hear. The man looks at you and that pisses Bucky off.

"Don't you fucking look at her," he says, forcibly turns the man's head to look away from you.

After some low words exchanged, Bucky walks away from them, with Sam dragging the man to the other end of the alley where a car waits.

"C'mon, baby," Bucky murmurs, his arm wrapping around your waist. Taffy is happy to continue her walk, as she prances a short distance ahead of you and Bucky.

There's a weird tension between you as you walk Taffy around the block and eventually back to your apartment. You shed your jacket and shoes, unleashing Taffy, and going straight to the kitchen.

Bucky follows you, leaning against the kitchen counter, "You okay?"

You nod, "Mhm. Sorry, I just-I forget sometimes that you're..you know."

"I see."

"I've never seen that side of you, so it was a little...jarring."

"Do you...want to break up?"

You look at him with wide eyes, "What? No! Do you?"

"No, but I told you who I was from the very beginning, baby. If what I do ever puts you off, I'll completely understand if you don't want anything to do with me."

You shake your head, "Bucky, that's not it. I still want to be with you. I just forgot who you are outside of here. I forgot that's actually who you are."

It was Bucky's turn to shake his head, "Nah, baby. That's not who I am. That's who I had to become in order to survive. But here?" he points to the apartment, "This is who I really am."

You hum, "So you're really a big lovey dovey teddy bear that loves to be the little spoon, cook me dinner, and cry at rom-coms?" Bucky playfully rolls his eyes at your teasing and you continue, "Okay, really though. Does anyone else know this side of you?"

He shrugs, "Not really because I never felt super comfortable to be myself until I met you."

You scoff, "Sap."

"Only for you," he leans in and pecks your lips, "You sure you're okay? Are we okay?"

"Yeah. We're good."

Bucky pulls you in, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug. You nuzzle your face into him, letting his scent encompass you.

You felt at home.

[glypt0don]

So, this is quite a rant. You can skip to the bottom, if you want to know my opinion but don't want to read that much... But I worked hard on it and I think it's important, so it would make me very happy if you read through the whole text.

So this fits into something I wanted to post about anyway: a broader theme of why do we frame things as wars? Like, why is it culture war, specifically. First I liked the concept, I thought it described something quite complicated reasonably easily. But I pondered on it a bit more and I think there's more going on.

It's pretty trivial, that most societies went through a huge change over the last half century. It's not just feminism. I could make a whole list of things we as a people took on. Anti-racism and civil rights, religious acceptance, global trade, reinterpreting the meaning of peace, connecting the word through the world-wide web, etc. We ( or, as I am barely an adult and have no idea how to change things for the better, I should say you, or maybe chat) decided it was time for change, so change came. You brought it about.

And I agree. Change WAS and IS necessary. What that change should entail, well, we all have our ideas, right? And they have the ugly tendency to differ from each other. The question then is, how do we coincide our contradictory ideas on society? The answer is both worrying and very important.

To be fair, our race doesn't have a great track record on solving these kinds of issues. I dug into my historical knowledge, since, you know, those who don't learn from it, repeat it... The only thing I can compare to what's happening today would be the Reformation (which probably says a lot about my historical knowledge). That's the only time I know, where societal assumptions were altered so much in such a short time. That time it was specifically about the Catholic church (if you don't know, what I'm talking about, you really should, so Google it), and the result was a series of wars, that ultimately may have wiped out about a fifth of Europes population. The wars were of course led by powerful men, who capitalised on the divide to further their own goals.

As back then, now too, we can't rely on institutions to tame the public. Many media and political identities have a direct interest in polarising society. Because that's what happens. All these contentious issues about gender, class, or foreign policy become dividing lines between folks who are supposed to be parts of the same whole (call it community, state, nation or humanity, depending on how wide you can think). You know, how it works, probably saw it a few times, whatever your interests are. It's literally everywhere! We fight it out with the perceived enemy of the week sometimes, when there is an election, something notable happens, or it's simply Pride Month. Then everyone goes back to their respective corners, where they vehemently agree with themselves. We don't talk a lot, just throw words at each other, like Buggs Bunny, playing tennis with a dynamite.

I should say, this post is a notable and refreshing outlier. Thanks, @trans-androgyne , for starting a discussion for a change!

I know, it's a bit like nuclear armament. You can't just stop, because THEY won't, and then they win, and you can't allow that. It's life and death! And I don't have some magic pill to make it all go right, or believe me, I wouldn't sit here, typing this out at 3 in the morning Central European Time. But let me propose this: don't call it a war! Neither culture war, nor gender war, nor anything like that. Because this isn't a war. Just ask anyone in the middle east! They can tell you, what is war, and THIS IS NOT IT! And also, because it may not be guns and destruction yet, but nothing guarantees, that it stays that way. We already had multiple attempted takeovers of capital buildings since this cursed decade began, because our social reality became so fragmented, that you can't accept the results of a popular election anymore. That should raise alarm bells. I know it does, but it can be much worse! Learn from history, do not repeat it! Hit the Wiki page on the Huguenot war! On the siege of Magdeburg. Or, if that's not your cup of tea, watch Civil War! I genuinely think it's the best movie of the year.

Call it Social Discourse! That sounds much more manageable, doesn't it? Or you can come up with something else, as long as it isn't some warmongering bullshit. And maybe the next time you meet someone with sexist, homophobic, racist, or maybe radical left and anarchistic views (whatever you're opposing), don't attack them with your words! Those aren't weapons. Try to talk to them instead! Try talking about feelings! Listen to theirs, make them understand yours! I say feelings, because you both have those. Try finding a common ground, however small, and build up from there. Like Minecraft Skyblock. It can be hard in a challenging way, instead of making you want to shoot yourself in the head. Remember, you aren't fighting a war. You are having a discourse.

All of it is to say, the world and society are changing, wether you like it or not, and we have to change with it, to survive. That is the simple fact. If you call that change a war, that's just gonna make the whole thing unnecessarily painful for everyone involved.

This was sociopolitical advice from a giant armadillo.

Genuinely, what happened to “feminism is for everyone”?

That’s the feminism I grew up with: encouraging people to recognize that fighting sexism and restrictive gender roles helps folks of every gender. We’d push back on the idea that feminists hate men, pointing to inclusive feminist literature and how many men are feminists.

Now, there are so many people insisting that the solution to patriarchy is to openly hate and ostracize men no matter what. Why? What is the benefit? It’s certainly not effective in fighting oppressive structures to exclude half the population from your cause on the basis of immutable traits. It may feel cathartic to say horrible things about men and try to punish them for your frustrations with patriarchy. But the only actual effect I see is the increasing right-wing radicalization of young men, who are being told that the left hates them for the way they were born and presented with an abundance of proof that it’s true.

Why are we going back to treating men and women as different species? It doesn’t fix things to say “well women are the good gender and men are the bad one” this time. If you sincerely want to dismantle sexism, you’re going to have to unpack and let go of all sex and gender essentialism—even that which considers women inherently pure and men inherently immoral.

[daisymbin]

Hi can you mix number 11. "do you even love me?" And 35. "you have no idea how much i want you right now." Hoshi being fwb with the reader and him asking her….? 🫶🏼🫶🏼

omg I love this mix though im not sure if i did it justice :( let me know what you think! & thank you for requesting!!! 🫶 I hope you like it!

request your own: full prompt list!

check out my masterlist!

angst prompt #11: "do you even love me?" +

suggestive prompt #35: "you have no idea how much I want you right now."

"what the fuck was that?"

his voice slices through the quiet like a whip. you turn to face him, your stomach twisting at the way he’s leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed but his jaw clenched like he’s barely holding himself together. "what?" you asked. the weight of his words hits you like a brick, he's never spoken to you like this before. "where is this coming from?"

"earlier tonight," he says, pushing off the doorframe and taking a step closer. "you laughed at everything he said. you couldn’t stop smiling at him."

"who?" you ask, genuinely confused.

"vernon," he spits out, like the name tastes bitter on his tongue. "that guy from your office. the one you invited to sit with us. you didn’t even introduce me as anything, just soonyoung. no title, nothing."

you stare at him, wide-eyed, his passive aggressiveness catching you completely off guard. soonyoung continues to glare at you, his hands clenched at his sides.

"what the hell am i supposed to introduce you as?" you spat, crossing your arms defensively. "the guy i fuck occasionally?"

"you could’ve said anything else," soonyoung shot back, his voice low and sharp. "but instead, you acted like i was nobody."

"you have no right to be upset about that," you said, shaking your head. "and you have no right to be jealous. we're just fucking! nothing more."

his laugh was bitter, humorless. "then why do you look at me like that? every time before we-," he stops himself, "& we kiss... why do you look at me like... like you love me? do you not? was that a lie? do you even love me?"

his words hit like a punch to the gut, leaving you breathless. what is he trying to do? is he trying to taunt you? shame you? make fun of you?

"so what if i do?" you snapped, your voice shaking with anger and humiliation. "are you happy now? getting me to admit that?"

soonyoung froze, the silence between you stretching unbearably long. the vulnerability you’d just exposed sat heavy in the air, suffocating you. he hadn't expected to get it out of you so easily.

his lack of response was enough to make you turn away, tears threatening to sting your eyes. "forget it," you muttered, moving toward the door. "this was a mistake."

but then his hand wrapped around your wrist, firm but not harsh. his touch stopped you in your tracks, his voice breaking the tension.

"you didn’t ask me how i feel," he said softly, his tone holding a hint of desperation.

your breath hitched, and you turned back to face him, your eyes searching his. you let out a whispered sigh, your voice trembling. "do you love me?"

he stepped closer, his gaze piercing, his lips parted like he couldn’t find the right words. "you have no idea how much i want you right now," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion, almost breaking.

your pulse raced as he leaned in, his forehead resting lightly against yours. "not like that, soonie,"

his voice dropped even lower. "i don’t want anyone else. it’s always been you. in whichever way, whatever way. you're the only one i want."

the raw intensity in his voice sends a shiver down your spine. but it’s not just his words—it’s the way he’s looking at you, like you’re the only thing he’s ever wanted, like losing you would shatter him.

you pull away slightly, your brow furrowing. "soonyoung, this isn’t just about wanting," you say softly, your hand reaching out to graze his. "it’s about how we feel."

he looks at you for a long moment, his jaw tightening. "but do you get it?" he asks, his voice low but laced with frustration. "you're not just some... hookup for me. i don’t just want you in the middle of the night when it’s convenient. i want all of you,"

"just tell me you’ll stay," he whispered, his breath brushing your lips. "because if you walk out that door, i’m going to follow you anyway."

you take a step back, the weight of his words sinking in. the intensity in his eyes is like nothing you’ve ever seen before—he’s vulnerable, but also... determined.

you stare up at him, your chest tight. "so you love me?"

he nods, his thumb tracing along your jaw. "yeah. i love you. and it scares the hell out of me."

"but what about... everything we’ve said before? what about keeping it casual?"

"fuck keeping it casual," he mutters, pulling you closer. "i don’t want to just be ‘casual’ with you anymore. i want all of you, every part of you. and i want you to want the same."

his lips brush against yours in a soft kiss, and you finally give in, closing the space between you and pressing yourself against him. the heat between you both intensifies, but it’s different now—more than just a physical need. it’s a promise.

when you pull back, breathless, you look up at him. "i want you, too."

"good," he whispers, his lips curling into a satisfied smile. "because you're not going anywhere."

the tension is still there, but it’s different now—familiar, comforting. and the next time he kisses you, it’s not just about desire.

[batboyblog]

See I kind of get the idea of wanting her to at least say “I’ll comply but I’m not happy about it” even if that does t fix anything it feels like more self respect?

But as it’s been said Sarah McBride is in a bad situation, perhaps her coming across as “weak” will let the republicans underestimate her and allow her to slip some good in under her radar.

my thought is, Sarah McBride is the first trans person elected to a State Senate seat, she's the first trans person elected to Congress and the first trans person to win a statewide election anywhere in the United States.

SO! I'm going to say that she knows best how to deal with politically motivated transphobia.

people might say "well I would have said..." but in this case maybe just maybe defer to the expert, she's broken so many barriers, overcome so much, opened the way for everyone who might want to follow her. You do not live her life if you are weak, it takes unspeakable strength and will power to do what she has done. She's a very strong person and I think everyone owes her the respect to allow her to handle her business how she thinks is best and again since she's the first trans person to win a statewide election, I'm just gonna guess here, she's right, whatever she chooses to do is likely the smartest best move a trans politician could make because spoiler she's the greatest trans politician in American history.

I was gonna end there, but I am again reminded of the words of the legendary Ann Richards

"I think of all the political fights I’ve fought, and all the compromises I’ve had to accept as part payment. And I think of all the small victories that have added up to national triumphs and all the things that would never have happened and all the people who would’ve been left behind if we had not reasoned and fought and won those battles together. And I will tell Lily that those triumphs were Democratic Party triumphs."

Thats politics, all the compromises, often painful, she doesn't say the set backs up yes the set backs, but you stay in the field you keep fighting even when they humiliate you, because if you give up and go away, like they want you to, all the people who get left behind, so you tough it out, for them if not yourself.

[yourstarstruckbeloved]

kriti; an ode to devotion

dr. ratio x fem!reader, in which ratio finds himself absolutely smitten for a musician from earth.

content/warnings: 1.4k words, reader is very very feminine, referred to with she/her, reader is also indian and a maestro at indian classical music, i made this purely as a self-indulgent self-insert piece, religious imagery/writing, good ol’ potential ooc dr. ratio warning, he does not know ANYTHING about indian classical music or hindu culture, a few sanskrit terms used

author’s note: aaaah i can’t stop thinking about how dr. ratio would absolutely just fall in love with people passionate for their lines of work. i know this is pretty much just a self insert of my own but the thought of ratio with an s/o devoted to music or dance is so... <3

ratio feels like he’s sighed for the millionth time today. “didn’t you find someone else to do your bidding, gambler?” his question is met with a resounding and joyful nope! from aventurine, who drags him into the crowded theatre. “i had two tickets for this show because my friend was very kind. but no one else could make it on such short notice,” the blonde says, the smile never leaving his face. “so, i’m glad you came with me, doctor. ah! two empty seats! lucky us, eh?”

“whatever.”

ratio can’t say he’s the biggest fan of music— he dabbles in it from time to time, but nothing too much. it it weren’t for the gambler’s insistence, he would currently have been home and indulging in a relaxing bath; but alas, aventurine always gets what he wants. “i’m surprised you even have friends with a personality as repulsive as yours.”

“that hurt, you know,” aventurine says, clutching at his chest and forcing a pained expression onto his face. “do you really think i’m that bad?”

“no, i just think you are an idiot. or that the friends you have are equally as repulsive as you.”

the chatter around him turns into static white noise and he stares emptily at the blank stage, numbers and letters going left and right and center in his brain. the frustrating proof that the doctor had been trying to work on for weeks now is making a resurgence in his head. well, on second thought, maybe it’s not so bad that he got dragged out… perhaps, the doctor could make use of this opportunity to unplug and relax a bit. maybe the gambler isn’t so much of an idiot after all (aventurine knows, but he won’t let up).

ratio is snapped out of his daze as the curtains draw to a close, the stage now hidden behind them. a good portion of the crowd silences, in anticipation of the performance that was about to begin any second now. he heaves a sigh when the curtains reopen, a subconsciously bated breath being released.

in the middle of the stage sits a woman wearing a rich blue… robe? stole? no, it’s probably a saree, he surmises. “that’s her!” aventurine says excitedly with a gasp. “do you see her, doctor?” the soft light falling on the woman seems to reflect off of her in a subtle shine. almost like an ethereal goddess... “yes, i do, aventurine, i am not blind. i’m actually surprised you have friends from earth, of all planets.”

and ratio truly was genuinely surprised— not because he truly believed that aventurine’s personality would be an obstacle between him and his friendships, but because as far as he knew, earth was one of those tiny planets in a remote arm of the milky way galaxy. the people of earth tended to have their own cultures and gods that they worshipped instead of the aeons, and all of this differed widely between major regions on the planet. the… earthlings? well, in any case, they rarely ever travelled outside of their home planet— the maximum they usually ever went was within their planetary system. maybe they’re finally beginning to get out of their comfort zone? no one knows for sure.

the chatter of the crowd gradually dies down as three others assemble next to the woman with their instruments. she takes a sip from the bottle that lay next to her, and ratio notices the slight motion she makes with her hand. he assumes this was to get the show going, because the instrumentalists began playing their parts. they start with a monotonous and constant drone, after which the other stringed instrumentalist joins along with the harmonium player— and finally, you. ratio finds his interest piqued— he does not know much about earth and its customs and cultures.

you take a breath and you start singing. you start off slow and mellow, but ratio can feel the intensity and tempo of the performance gradually increasing— and with it, the intricacies of phrases that you’re singing. he finds it infuriatingly captivating, the way you jump through the chromatic scale with ease, like a deer prancing about in the forest. he wonders if you speak in melody.

ratio swears it’s the most masterful thing he’s ever listened to. he’s never listened to this kind of music ever in his life before, he knows nothing. it’s not as big as a choir or orchestra— and yet, he finds it amazing, the ease with which you conduct everyone with a flick of your hand. no… it’s not conducting. it seemed too unauthoritative to be. honestly, he has a lot of questions but for now he lets himself think of it simply for what it probably was— a well coordinated performance (and he would not be wrong to think of it that way either).

the skillful gliding of your voice has ratio enamoured. he finds it impressive, how easily you seem to be gliding over three octaves of notes without breaking out into as much as a sweat. he can only imagine the years and years of practice that must have gone into gaining such mastery— you make it look as easy as breathing. he would be lying if he said he didn’t find it attractive to some degree at the very least.

it takes him completely by surprise when you look in his direction and shoot your biggest most saccharine smile ever. and then he remembers about your supposed friendship with the man next to him and realises that it wasn’t for him. the gambler wasn’t lying, eh? who was ratio kidding, you didn’t even know him.

but he’s starting to become far gone. ratio isn’t a sapiosexual or whatever, by any means, even if he comes off as such. he knows that people think he would only be willing to date someone who has more phds than he does, but that’s not true at all. ratio believes that one must be passionate about anything that they choose to do. ultimately, that’s really what gets him hooked. he’s absolutely taking delight in looking at the fruits of your years of devotion to your art. and you, your performance is so enchanting it almost hurts. he feels like a dazed sailor drawn to a siren.

heh, it wouldn’t be so bad if the siren was you, he thinks, but immediately cringes at the thought afterward, discarding it into some corner of his brain he hopes to never see again.

oh, aventurine isn’t blind to any of this. he looks at the doctor’s eyes glued onto the stage with hyperfocus, and laughs. he doesn’t miss the way his grip on the armrests grow tighter and tighter, the flexing and tensing of his muscles obvious. who would’ve thought that his musician friend from earth of all people would’ve had the doctor whipped? he supposes it wasn’t a bad decision to bring ratio along, after all.

the audience bursts into thunderous clapping once you hit the end of your performance. ratio almost thought there was going to be no end to it— not that he’d complain though, it would’ve given him more time to study your performance, your art, more time to study you. “that was… that was a splendid performance. i wasn’t expecting to find myself hooked onto a musical of all things, seems like you aren’t completely bad, gambler.” ratio is completely candid with his compliment.

“oh, i know how much you enjoyed this,” aventurine says rather suggestively, catching the doctor off-guard. “hey, i’m going into the backstage to meet her— would you like to tag along?”

ratio is elated at the offer. of course he’d want to meet you, he’s got so many questions and— “sure…” his expression remains as stoic as ever. he’s always been able to count on himself but now? he hopes his deadpan image isn’t betrayed by his feelings, and he finds it so impossibly difficult to fight back the smile that’s slowly creeping onto his features as he watches you and aventurine converse like you were best friends reunited.

“this is my friend, doctor ratio!”

“oh, so you’re the doctor that everyone talks about! nice to meet you, i’m _____.”

you knew him already? well, it’s no big deal, you must have heard about him from aventurine. fuck, you look so much more heavenly up close. you’re like the manifestation of a goddess, with the way you seem to literally radiate a glow and everything. shit, if he didn’t know any better, he’d think you were an emanator of beauty, or an incarnation of devi saraswati (he hopes he isn’t thinking of the wrong goddess with his limited knowledge of hindu culture).

“likewise. just veritas is fine, too. that was an absolutely phenomenal performance, back then.”

veritas doesn’t know the first thing about the gods you sung the praises of during your performance, but he does think that your devotion to the art must be unmatched. he feels like you are a personification of the heavens, and he’s blind to everything that isn’t your divine beauty. there’s something so ancient about your art, and you’re almost like an envoy of the gods— aeons, you’re slowly getting him wrapped around your damn finger, and he doesn’t think he’s going to do anything to stop it.

“thank you, veritas,” you smile at him, and he feels a slight warmth. “i’ll be performing again at the grand theatre soon. you’ll be there, right?”

[lostintransist]

This song inspired a whole fic I don't have the time to write. But here is the blurb I threw at @backseatsoldier and @scaredyspooks

Background Johnny has low self esteem and accepts whatever affection he can from a friend bitch who takes advantage of that, shoving him in boyfriend situations emotionally for far to long. His best friend, you, has been pinning for him so long you have started to give up hope.

When the bitch moves to a city far away and you see her give Johnny a goodbye kiss that you don't realize is such. You turn on a heel and walk away, ignorning Johnny's calls and texts for the next few days.

Johnny thinks it unusual but it is about time for your period to start and you tend to be a bit wonky until the blood starts flowing. He brushes it off until a random man on base asks about his girlfriend.

"My what?"

"You're girlfriend sir, the woman on your home screen? She is your girlfriend right? I've seen her at some of the parties hanging out with you. Always has hearts in her eyes when she's around."

"Do you love me?" "Johnny I can't talk about this right now," she pushes on the door. It catches on his boot. "Please, I-I need," Johnny swallows down the fears crawling up his throat, "Do you love me?"

The dam breaks.

"I have loved you for a long time," your jaw quivers as you stare into his eyes, more familiar than your own.

"Oh thank god," he rushes forward, pulling you into a hug. One arm wraps around your ribs while the other grips into your hair, pushing your head into his shoulder. He kicks the front door shut. "I thought I would be to late," his voice breaks on the last word.

"What do you mean? You want Shannon?" Your fingers burrow into the back his shirt.

"I did. She represented everything I thought I deserved."

You try to pull back. Johnny isn't to much taller than you but the mucsle he maintains for his job robs you of the ability to flee from his words.

"What happened then? Why are you here?" You bite the words out in the space you could create between his chest and your face.

"Someone asked me today if I had broken up with my girlfriend. I was confused until they said the woman on my home screen, the one I am always gushing about. That is when I realized that he meant you."

That makes you pause in your efforts to escape. You were his home screen? Looking up at him Johnny shifts his hand from your hair to caress your face, thumb sweeping the leftover tears from your cheek.

"How long have I been your lock screen?" You whisper.

"Years," he whispers back.

The tears start up again.

"Why?" You can't force your words any louder than a whipser.

"There was a challenge a few Christmases back, to change your home screen to a photo of something that brings a smile to your face every time you see it. The last photo I had taken had been you. I've updated the photo a few times but it's been you since."

"Why did you never say anything?" The words hurt your throat as they leave.

"How could I tell one of the most important people in my life that I love her but I am a bad man who has done unspeakable things and don't deserve time or love from her? Why would I set myself up to be rightfully refused? For you to scoff at my affections?"

It's your turn to caress his face. He loosens his arms enough to allow you to touch him, but not enough to step back.

"You don't get to make that choice for me Johnny. And I don't like the version of me that lives in your head if you thought I would ever scoff at you."

He recoils, eyes slamming shut and chest caving in as if he took a bullet to the chest. Feckin' hell, she was right. It had to be him that didn't think he deserved anything resembling love though you had been peppering him with it for years.

You give him five breaths to deal with the emotional revelation before you are squishing his cheeks into his teeth, causing his lips to pop out.

"I would like to sit down and talk about this instead of being held hostage in my entryway. Would you like something to drink while we talk Johnny?"

You give him the softest smile he had ever seen, the gentlest crinkles forming around your eyes.

"Aye love, I think I need a drink." He presses a kiss to your forehead. "Can I hold your hand while we talk?"

"I would love that."

[jamethinks]

Model Un but instead it's model parliament.

Damian obviously goes for prime minister but he couldn't pick between emile and ewen for deputy so he just picked George for some reason.

Becky wanted to go for leader of the opposition but got too nervous, and somehow, Anya managed to become the leader of the opposition. Everyone was pissed because they were sure Anya was going to lose. Becky was realistically their best pick since she had the charisma and aggression to match Damian.

In a shocking turn of events, Anya actually does well. Her method? Just disagree. Eventually, the cracks in Damian's plans will show, Mr Henderson will catch it, and therefore, Anya will and she can send him packing every time.

Also, since Ostania is a capitalist hellscap, comrade Anya had no problems denouncing everything with a bit of repressed Marxism.

----------

Damian: Before we begin, let's have a prayer and welcome the Lord into this space to guide us along this discussion.

Students: sure

Anya: hold it right there buckaroo. I am not Christian I am Muslim. I have no interest in praying to your God.

Damian: fine then pray to whatever made up god you worship

Students: *nods in agreement, Anya's team is getting nervous*

Anya: Mr. Desmond. Did you know only 47% of Ostanians identify with some denominator of Christianity. Not to mention there's an approximate 0.1% who practice Islam. Are you sure this is the approach you want to take when discussing religious diversity.

Damian: jeez what's the point of focusing on 0.1% of the population? Just sit down and let us pray.

Anya: *mischievous smirk*

--------------

Damian: i think we can all agree the tax rate for the upper class is far too extreme. We worked very hard for our money no reason we should be punished extra for doing better

Students: *rousing applause in agreement*

Anya: I object!

Damian: that's not what you're supposed to say Anya

Anya: speaker of the house, I want to relay a few important statistics to you. The proposed tax brackets will mostly impact Ostanians making over one bazillion dalc a year. And according to recent surveys only 0.1% of Ostanians make that much a year. In fact, the total percentage of people that will be caterized in the upper 3 brackets is a whooping 3%.

Damian: whats your point?

Anya: I'm just saying, the increase in government revenue can be extremely beneficial to the public and helping to improve the southern states infrastructure. Why are we passing on such a beneficial bill? Because it can slightly inconvenience 0.1% of Ostanians compared to the 36% that will be aided with the infrastructure improvements?

Henderson, in his head: honestly I'm just surprised she knows so many words and numbers. I checked out an hour ago when they started debating ice cream flavors.

Damian: t-those statistics are wrong

Anya: oh really? *snaps*

Martha, fabricating out of thin air, sets up a poster board.

Anya: right here on this board we can see all my numbers accurately crunched with sources properly cited.

Damian: there is no way you did that.

Anya: Of course not. Your brother did.

Damian: WHY WOULD YOU MAKE MY BROTHER DO THAT?

Anya: fufu, in the wise words of the longest running Prime minister of Ostania, the Right Honourable Sir Donovan Desmond, "The key to success is humility. To know what you cannot do and surround yourself with those who can."

Students: *applauding in agreement*

Damian: don't quote my dad? And what does that have to do with anything?

Anya: tch, Is this your prime minister? I say we have a vote of no confidence!

Students: *cheering in agreement*

Anya: *goes on a vaguely communist tangent. Starts just speaking Russian at some point*

Damian: what the hell just happened?

Class: Proletarier aller Länder, vereinigt Euch! Proletarier aller Länder, vereinigt Euch! Proletarier aller Länder, vereinigt Euch!

Henderson: none of you are working class? You're literally calling for your own downfall...?

[thosewickedlovelies]

Crossroads: the second meeting | Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: The second of your and Joel’s promised three meetings. And third, and fourth, and…?

Tags: we’ve got INTRIGUE, we’ve got ~demonic temptation~ (consensually), we’ve got getting caught in the rain 👀; it’s all happening. demon!Joel; not an age gap fic. Reader has their period in one scene, but honestly aside from that we’re still a GN!Reader.

Words: 6,717

Note: We are IN IT now babes okay I promise, if you thought the first meeting was boring just forget about it and read this one 😌🙏🏼

Crossroads | Moodboard | Masterlist

No matter how you angled, jiggled, or cajoled it, your front door key remained firmly stuck in its lock. With a deep sigh, you rested your forehead against the painted wood, and you thought of Joel. Right now your greatest desire was to be inside your house; you wondered what price he would demand to grant your wish.

“You rang?”

Gasping, you spun around. Your heart slammed in your chest. “Jesus! Joel! What the fuck!”

In the hallway behind you, Joel came to a stop. He put his hands up, a chuckle rolling out of him. “Sorry, sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. Could sense you wishin’ for my company, that’s all.”

“I wasn’t wishing for your company.” Lingering adrenaline sharpened your tongue, and the words sliced from it before you could consider who you were talking to. “I was wishing for your powers, so they could give me a damn working door.”

In the dim hall, It was hard to read the glimmer in his golden eyes. “Whatever you say, kitten.” Joel nodded toward the door, and it swung inward.

You scrambled after it, but the key remained firmly stuck in the lock.

You sent him a disbelieving look.

Joel shrugged innocently. “What? You didn’t say permanently working. You gotta be specific with these things.”

You took a deep breath, very deliberately focusing all of your attention on easing the key free. Once it was, though, there was nothing to distract you from the reality: Joel was at your house. Finding you in town was one thing, but appearing outside your home…

You smothered your nervousness. “Do I need to invite you in like a vampire, or..?”

Joel shot you a dark look. “Funny.”

And then he was stepping over the threshold, and you were shutting the door behind him.

Your building had originally been a two-story house, but it had been modified so that the first and second floors were now two separate apartments. Some might call it small, but you preferred to think of it as cozy. It was the perfect size for your one person.

Joel’s wide shoulders seemed to fill the room.

He turned in a slow circle, observing everything. The extensive spice rack hanging over the pantry door. The lantern string lights stretching around the living room. The plant with long green arms splaying crazily out of its pot on the windowsill.

All the things that made you you. He ran those otherworldly eyes over all of it, taking it in- taking you in. His glance flickered toward the half-open door at the back- your bedroom- before returning. 

The silence gnawed at you. “So what are you doing here?”

“What do you mean, what am I doin’? We have a deal, remember? Three meetings?”

He didn’t use the word date this time.

“I mean…why are you at my house?”

“Didn’t know you were home.” Joel smirked. “I pop up wherever you are. Wouldn’ta known where you lived otherwise.”

You sighed.

“Nice little place you got here…Kitten.”

The way he purred Ruby’s nickname sent goosebumps racing down your neck. You whipped your head toward him, glaring uncertainly.

Joel chuckled. “Been meanin’ to ask about that. Plain forgot by the end of our last meeting.”

You set your jaw. “By the end of our last date, you mean?” you said sweetly.

His mouth flattened. He held your gaze until you looked away.

“It’s not that exciting of a story.” You moved around as you spoke, setting your things in their usual places. “Um, do you want a drink or anything? I don’t have any whiskey, but I have other stuff, water, uh..”

“I’m-”

Joel cut off mid-sentence. You turned, and your brow furrowed. He’d gone rigid, his eyes wide and focused intensely on nothing, as if listening to a distant sound.

“...Joel?”

He blinked rapidly. “I gotta go. But I’ll be back.” His yellow eyes flashed to you with renewed clarity, and he pointed a warning finger. “This meeting ain’t over until I hear that story.”

Your vision warped strangely, like the affect of a heat shimmer, but magnified a hundred times. When you could see clearly again, Joel was gone. The bitter scent of scorched earth hung in the air.

“What the fuck?”

--

Three days had passed since Joel’s disappearance. Your bed was as welcoming on the third day as it had been on the previous two, but its comfort did little to alleviate your confusion. The house’s every little creak and sigh made you jump, thinking that it might be Joel appearing. You wondered, yet again, what on earth had pulled him away so abruptly before, and if he’d meant what he said- that when he came back, it would still be your second meeting, not your third.

A new book managed to quell your restless thoughts. You read until slightly too late- it couldn’t be helped- and yawned as you turned off your lamp. Sleep tugged you down…

Something thumped to the floor of the room. A heavy something. Your eyes flew open. Fear spiked through you at the shadow in the doorway- the large, human-shaped shadow.

But was the shape…familiar? A smoky scent tickled your nose. It couldn’t be. With a trembling hand, you reached for the lamp.

It was. Like a great, shadowy tree had suddenly sprouted in your room, Joel stood blinking in the light.

You sucked in air, ready to berate him for scaring the shit out of you- appearing in your bedroom in the middle of the night!- but something stopped you.

His eyes were bleary, their amber glint dull. Heavy, bruise-colored bags hung beneath them. His clothes looked unkempt, and his normally neat swoops of hair were disheveled and drooping. 

You swung your feet to the floor. “Joel?”

It took visible effort for him to focus. “Kitten,” he murmured. His gaze slid around the room like mercury in a glass, seeing but not really registering anything. The only thing that finally seemed to snag his attention was the beanbag chair beside your desk. It was adult-sized and teardrop-shaped, sitting upright in a mellow shade of teal. Joel swayed a step forward. 

“What are you…are you okay?” You stood, though you were unsure how you’d be able to help if he did something like collapse. 

“Sure I am. Just need to rest a second.” His words were heavy and blurred together. He made his way toward the beanbag with an exaggeratedly slow, squinty-eyed focus. He folded himself to the floor, the cushion ballooning beneath his weight. His head lolled against the upright back.

Your mouth hung open. “You can’t…sleep here..?” 

Joel scrubbed a hand over his face. “But if I’m here, I’m working.” The end of his sentence was split by an enormous yawn. “Won’t be bothered if I’m workin’,” he muttered. His whole body seemed to deflate.

A heartbeat later, a muffled snore rose from the beanbag. 

You stared in utter bewilderment at the unconscious demon on your floor. His body looked comically large spilling out of the beanbag chair; his legs stretched nearly halfway across the room. What the fuck were you supposed to do now? Sleep, while a representative of the devil sat not six feet from you?

You hesitated. Joel hadn’t given any indication that he wanted to harm you. It would be against his best interests, even, since then he definitely wouldn’t get a bargain at the end of your meetings. 

Even asleep, the furrows on his forehead haven’t relaxed. You laid back down, resolving to just…keep your eyes open…

--

You woke with a gasp. 

Your lamp was still on, your body was intact, and Joel…

Joel was asleep in your beanbag chair.

In the daylight he looked even worse. His clothes dusty and wrinkled, the lines on his face carved deeper than normal. He looked tired even while sleeping. 

And he was in your room.

The soft click of the lamp’s switch made you cringe. You didn’t dare make any greater noise or movement- there was no telling how he’d react to being woken suddenly in a strange place. 

Damn, you kind of had to pee, though. Surely you could tiptoe in and out of the room for that without waking him..?

Twin golden slits appeared- Joel’s eyes opened.

He sat straight up, his gaze darting all around. It found you, which seemed to dredge up the relevant memories, because after a tense moment of staring, he slumped back into beanbag. The alarm faded from his features. 

“Good morning,” you said cautiously.

Joel grunted. “Kitten.” His voice was a gravelly rasp. 

“Do you…remember coming here last night?”

His gaze flickered as he sifted through his memory. “Sorta.”

Words failed you. You wanted to ask him what the fuck happened, and also if he was okay or injured or anything, but you also didn’t want to provoke him. You didn’t know what his deal was- one-night stand etiquette hardly applied to this.

Joel pushed himself to his feet with a stiff slowness, like a toy without enough moving joints. “Well, I’ll get outta your hair. Thanks for lettin’ me crash here.”

“Wait!” You stood hastily. “Um- like, are you okay? Do you..need anything, like- breakfast, or…” 

He listened to your stuttering half-turned for the door. When you trailed off, Joel faced you again. His eyes were low candle flames, wavering as they dipped to your pajama shorts, but his face didn’t lose its suspicion. “What kind of breakfast?”

--

As soon as you said ‘coffee’, Joel had lit up.

Turned out he liked coffee almost as much as whiskey. But it was “harder to come by”, apparently. He hadn’t elaborated on that. Joel still looked kind of foggy, like all that was propelling him was the promise of breakfast food (or maybe the coffee), but you were betting on him perking up once he had some fuel in him. 

Joel seemed pleased by your choice of diner and its familiar, timeless fare. Waffles and pancakes, eggs and bacon…and most importantly, unlimited coffee. Holding a mug beneath his nose, he inhaled deeply; then sighed it out, looking more serene than you had ever seen him. 

Amused, you sipped your own coffee. It wasn’t anything to write home about- for that, you’d have taken him to Blackhammer, your favorite cafe- but you’d figured the food and atmosphere here would be more pertinent today. 

You waited until he’d inhaled half of his ‘Hungry Man Special’ to bring it up. “So…can I ask what happened?”

Joel froze mid-chew. He swallowed, then cleared his throat. “When I was last here, I got…called into the office, so to speak. There was some big ruckus, needed all hands on deck. That’s why I couldn’t come back for a few days. I got away by saying I had a deal in the works, couldn’t let it disappear. Probably shouldn’t have,” he muttered, his face darkening. “Could come back to bite me in the ass.” He shoveled more sunny-side-up eggs and sausage into his mouth.

“But why did you look so…you fell asleep on my floor, Joel.”

He shrugged.  “Life of a demon.” His smile was as bitter as the diner’s black coffee. He’d pulled some magic trick in your bathroom before leaving, so he looked physically refreshed- unwrinkled clothes, gray hair tidied- but exhaustion lurked in the lines around his eyes.

“Did you mean it when you said that our meeting wasn’t over? This is still our second meeting?”

“I’m a demon of my word- this meeting ain’t over ‘til I get that story, Kitten.” Joel’s spark seemed to have returned; he waggled his brows at you suggestively, his eyes flashing gold.

Your mouth twitched. You opened it to speak-

Joel cut you off. “But not now. I’m too tired to be able appreciate it.”

He kept his head bent to his plate. It took a moment for his meaning to land- but when Joel looked back up, you nodded.

--

Joel appeared fully back to his old self the next time you saw him, which was at the grocery store. It was utterly surreal to be grocery shopping with some kind of supernatural being by your side, but Joel strolled alongside your cart without any compunction, peering at the shelves and watching what you selected with avid interest. 

It was an insightful experience. You watched Joel ‘accidentally’ bump into one of the elementary school teachers in front of the strawberries and flirt until you thought the woman’s striped dress would melt right off her; he then followed you down the cereal aisle and made faces at a baby behind the father’s back. He shook his head at your selected brand of chili seasoning, examined every side of your container of matcha, and wrinkled his face in fascinated disgust at the range of Oreo flavors. 

All of it made you wonder. Joel never answered your question about how long he’d been a demon. He enjoyed Oreos, but didn’t know there were golden ones. He’d never seen an iPod Shuffle, but didn’t seem overly baffled by the capabilities of your smartphone. His speech sounded more or less modern. 

How old was Joel really? What would he think of your theory- that he’d become a demon like this because he’d sold his own soul?

--

The library’s busy hush was blissful. Peaceful yet thrumming with life and purpose, you always got your best work done here. Steam curled from the opening in your coffee cup, drifting past your laptop screen, barely registering in front of the lines of text rapidly appearing.

Somebody plunked a book down at the table space beside you. Your attention flickered. You’d be annoyed by the person in a minute, given the number of empty tables they could have chosen to sit at, but for now you typed on, determined to finish your train of thought.

You were about to glance over when someone’s mouth grazed your ear. “Working hard, kitten?”

You clapped a hand over your mouth to keep from yelping.

“Would you stop sneaking up on me every time you appear!” You snapped your head around to hiss the words, but that just put you inches away from a pair of familiar golden eyes, and your head reared back on instinct. 

Joel straightened up, shrugging archly. “Not my fault you’re unobservant.”

You scoffed. “I’m not unobservant, I’m working. I can’t play with you today, I have a deadline.”

His eyes gleamed as he spotted your coffee cup. “What’s this? ‘Blackhammer’.” Joel picked it up to read the label. Before you could stop him, he stole a sip.

His face contorted in disgust. “Jesus, what the hell’d you do to this? Can’t even taste the coffee.”

Stifling laughter, you carefully took the cup back from him. “That’s because it’s a hazelnut latte, not regular coffee.”

Joel smacked his mouth exaggeratedly, giving the cup a suspicious look. “I’m not sure I trust this place after tasting that.”

“They do have nice coffee roasts, they just also have basic bitch drinks.”

“Basic- what?” Joel looked mildly appalled, your choice of vocabulary finally pulling his attention from the coffee.

Your amusement warred with your annoyance. The ubiquity of memes and the breadth and variety of new, ever-evolving slang was one of things Joel had approximately zero knowledge of, as you discovered at the grocery store, after he asked if an advertisement was using ‘slay’ as a reference to ‘that vampire slayer chick’. Normally you were happy to explain things, but today you were busy.

“It’s just a descriptor, it’s not really an insult…anymore.”

Joel didn’t look like he believed you. “You’re in a library; go look it up.” You gestured to the bank of computers. His mouth crinkled dubiously. 

You sighed. “Look, give me like, 30 minutes. You can brush up on Urban Dictionary, and then I’ll take you to Blackhammer.”

Joel straightened, adopting a unaffected expression. “Naw, don’t worry about it. You can take me tomorrow, when you’re not workin’. Later, kitten.”

--

It was a twenty minute walk from your house to Blackhammer, but despite Joel’s declaration that the rain would hold off, you definitely just felt a drop hit your nose.

The clouds were dark and the breeze mischievous- not unlike the conditions of your first meeting. A sideways glance caught Joel’s yellow eyes glimmering back at you, confirming that he was remembering it, too.

He stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans as he strolled. “Did you make your deadline yesterday?” 

Keeping one eye on the sky, you told him a little about your work. Ten minutes later, undeniable dark spots started to speckle the sidewalk. Joel scoffed- but when the speckles started to become patches, he was right behind you as you scurried under the nearest awning.

The skies opened. Rain poured down like someone had opened a tap over a colander. Thunder rumbled, though half-heartedly, as if to say that it could be a storm, if it wanted to, but it didn’t feel like it today.

Joel lifted his hands to ward off your pointed look. “Now, listen-”

“You insisted-!”

But you were laughing, and his grumbling was good-natured, and you waited companionably under the awning. Several people more prepared than you walked past holding umbrellas. 

After another ten minutes or so, the rain lightened- but not so much that it couldn’t still be called a downpour. The wind had fallen still, and the clouds gave the impression of settling in for a good long soak.

You glanced at Joel. “I don’t suppose you could magic us up an umbrella.”

Joel smirked. “I can do better than that.”

To your astonishment, he walked right out into the downpour. Your mouth opened to protest, but when he turned around, it closed- he was as dry as the sidewalk had been twenty minutes ago. There were no speckles on his shirt, no droplets beading on his hair. He spread his hands, looking smug.

“How did you do that?”

“I wanted to stay dry. Granted my own wish.” 

He hadn’t mentioned he could do that during your conversation at lunch. “Huh.”

Joel beckoned. “Come on. Your turn.”

After a moment’s hesitation, you stepped out into the rain.

And promptly got soaked. Cold and wet splashed you as suddenly as if you'd been hit by a couple of water balloons. You leaped back under the awning, swiping water from your face. “What the fuck, Joel!”

The bastard was laughing. Joel was bent at the waist, clutching his middle, crowing at his own little prank.

He straightened, wiping his eyes. “You shoulda seen your face,” he hooted. 

It was difficult to stay mad when he was suddenly, startlingly pretty, this man- this demon- with the lines on his face creased in laughter and humor sparkling in his sulfur-yellow eyes.

You gave it a try nonetheless. “You said you wanted us to stay dry!”

Joel’s grin didn’t fully fade. “I said I wanted to stay dry. Never said anything about you.” His eyes, still shimmering, glance down your body, dripping like rain over the clinging patches on your shoulders and chest.

You couldn't look away from him. The rain hissed down around you, a silvery curtain preserving the moment, blurring out the rest of the world. 

Joel’s eyes were as warm as sunlight in the distance. He held out his hand. “Alright, come on. I owe you now. My payment’ll be keeping you dry this time.”

You stepped up to the border of wet and dry on the sidewalk. Your arm stretched over the line…and stayed dry. 

You placed your hand in Joel’s. He tugged you out into the rain, and though he released your hand, not a drop touched you.

--

Coffee culture, you suspected, had not been as advanced the last time Joel had been in a cafe. Luckily, the other reason Blackhammer was your favorite palace was the baristas- they were patient, not pretentious, and cheerfully explained the various brewing options to Joel until he was satisfied with his choice. Now he sat and watched his single-origin pour-over brew with forced patience, glancing over disdainfully as you added several brown sugar cubes to your own mug.

As soon as the last drop fell from the filter, Joel was on it. One sip, and his face transformed- he lit from within, chuckling in pure disbelief. He admitted without any arm-twisting that it was worth the wait.

“Can I ask you something?” You didn’t want to to ruin the comfortable atmosphere, but your theory couldn’t wait any longer. 

Joel lowered his mug. “Meeting number two’s big question, huh? Fire away.” He looked resigned, but not annoyed, which you took as encouragement.

“Three dates, three questions,” you reminded him cheekily.

Rolling his eyes, Joel gestured impatiently.

“When I asked you before, about how long you’ve been a demon…you didn’t answer.” You snuck a look at him, but he sat stone-faced. “Will you answer it now?”

Joel took a deep, slow breath. “I’ve been a demon…for somewhere around twenty years.”

He didn’t volunteer many details, and you didn’t ask for them. He made a deal to save his family, and, he said, he’d do it again. His brimstone eyes flashed. 

“I was too scared to try and pull anything clever,” he admitted. “But I’ve learned a trick or two since then.”

“So, who…owns your soul?”

The furrow in Joel’s brow deepened. “The demon who made the deal with me, I suppose. I’d have to check the contract,” he said sardonically.

You phrased your next question very carefully. “If he didn’t own your soul anymore, what would happen to you?”

The full weight of Joel’s attention fell on you, his face a mix of serious and suspicious. “Depends on what he did with it. He could toss it with the rest, and I’d die like everyone else. He could give it to another demon, and I’d stay the same. I guess, theoretically…” You hardly dared to breathe.

“He could give it back to me. Then…well, I dunno really. It’s not exactly common practice.” Another eye roll. “But theoretically, that could mean I’d be a normal human again.”

“Can a normal human own another human’s soul?” You spoke casually, easily, hoping Joel would think you were just musing aloud as the thoughts occurred to you.

“I think that’s generally a no-no, unless they have access to some powerful magic.”

His golden gaze was scorching, his unspoken questions louder than your unconvincing casualness.

But you said nothing more on the subject.

“If you’ve only been a demon for twenty years, then is this your actual age?” You nodded toward his appearance, letting your mouth curve and your eyes sparkle with implication.

Blinking, Joel glanced down at himself. “Thereabouts. I haven’t changed the way I look since I was, uh. Recruited.” His gaze strayed into the distance, clearly still distracted.

“Could you?” you ask curiously.

“Some do.” Joel pushed his mug away abruptly. “I gotta go. Thanks for the coffee.” Shoulders hunched pensively, Joel walked all the way out of the cafe before vanishing.

--

You still hadn’t explained the ‘kitten’ thing, and it was driving you a little bit crazy. 

It’s not that you wanted to end your meetings. It’s just that it felt like unfinished business; like it was keeping you on uncertain ground. Every time Joel used the nickname, it jolted you- was this the moment when he wanted you to explain it? Was he hinting that he wanted the meetings to end?

And the way he used it. He’s made it his own, really. Or at least, you hoped he saw it that way. Joel certainly didn’t use the same inflection as Ruby when he said it.

“Kitten.” You heard it in his teasing voice, low and rough as a lion’s purr, and you shivered. Only when he said it did it sound like you were in a novel of a certain genre…

Oh, no.

Oh, no, this was not a romance novel. You couldn’t be having a crush on a demon.

…But he wasn’t just a demon. He was Joel.

You didn’t even know if it was possible for the two of you to have a future. Particularly given that, as Joel said, another demon owned his soul. Come to think of it, who would own your soul if you sold it? It should be Joel, you reasoned, because he would be the one making the deal. Now there was something to consider…

--

Joel coalesced, and the moment he saw the plant on the windowsill, he smiled.

The smile vanished, however, at what he saw next: your body prone on the sofa, your face pale and taut.

You groaned, curling in on yourself. “You know how I enjoy your company, Joel, but I’m not really up for making deals today. Come back tomorrow, or later tonight if it’s really urgent.”

It should bother him that you’re so unmoved by his presence. That you’re so comfortable blithely shooing away a demon with power like his, so sure that your artless dismissal will result in his disappearance. 

Joel felt not a whisper of annoyance. Instead, as your face contorted in a clear grimace of pain, he felt…anxiety.

“What…what’s wrong?”

“What?” You opened your eyes, seeming confused that he was still there. “Nothing, just period pains. It’s normal.” Your legs shifted restlessly. “You could pass me that bottle of painkillers before you go, though, if you’re feeling generous.” You nodded past him, toward the kitchen table.

Joel didn’t move. “Or, I could…make it go away.” He didn’t shift, didn’t fidget. Didn’t make any expression at all as the offer left his mouth.

“Uh-huh. At what price?” You laughed weakly. “It’s fine, Joel. Happens every month.”

“No price. A gift, freely given.” Joel was kneeling beside you before he was even aware of moving.

You drew a startled breath. The motion pulled at the aching muscles in your abdomen, and your face tightened again.

A ferocious need snarled to life inside Joel. He hadn’t felt anything with this strength in years. It burned through him, demanding his attention, forging pathways he’d thought long-atrophied. It brought everything into sizzling clarity, like- like-

Like having a soul again.

Joel’s hand hovered over your belly, so close to touching you could feel the warmth of him. “Say yes,” he said.

There was something fierce in his tawny eyes, in the set of his mouth- something you didn’t dare interpret. You nodded.

Joel rested his hand on your abdomen- and the pain faded away. 

“Ohhhh.” Your whole body relaxed, and you released a great sigh. You gripped Joel’s wrist without thinking, keeping that sensation there. It was like a warmth, but also something else- not just the absence of pain, but the presence of pleasure, a sweet, honeyed glow emanating through your lower belly and into the rest of your body. 

Joel’s pinkie finger rested on a sliver of skin exposed by your top. The pleasure seemed sweetest there, the richest feeling originating from that tiny length of skin-to-skin contact. As the pain receded and your presence of mind returned, the concept of Joel’s skin on yours became all the more remarkable.

“Joel.” You looked up, intending to say more, but the look on his face stopped you. It was hard but satisfied, the ferocity of earlier gentled. His eyes were the same color, though- tawny-amber, like a mountain cat’s.

You swallowed. “Thank you.”

Joel nodded. He gently extracted his hand from your grip, and the loss of that feeling left a cold hollow. You made a tiny, involuntary sound.

Joel stood, wincing as his knees cracked. Maybe he hadn’t altered his outer or inner workings, like he’d said at Blackhammer. Knowing that his beauty was all-natural was strangely dizzying, overwhelming, and not something you needed to be fixating on right now…

“Get some rest, honey. This meeting ain’t over.”

Your mouth quirked even as your eyelids drooped. As you fell asleep in his presence for the second time, Joel allowed himself a small smile, and then vanished. 

--

“I told you this farmer’s market was good.” Your door unlocked without the slightest struggle; pleased, you made your way inside.

Joel closed the door behind him, satisfaction flickering across his face. He followed you to the kitchen table, watching you unload your purchases. “It was good, I just thought the Sunday one was better, is all.”

“Well, yeah, the weekend ones are always bigger. The Wednesday one is calmer, though…”

Joel had to concede that. The town’s Sunday market had been bustling, with crowds so thick they funneled like molasses, in a slow-moving stream. Once he got used to the noise and the sensation of being gently buffeted about, though, he’d started to enjoy himself. All the smells in the air and the range of goods on offer. Today’s market, though slightly smaller, had a more local feel- the vendors could actually hear each other across their stands, and called greetings and inquiries about lives and jobs.

Several enormous peaches now sat in a basket in the center of the table. With an expression of relish, you plucked one out and went to the sink to wash it. 

A question you asked several dates ago was turning slowly around and around in Joel’s mind. It had lodged in his thoughts the day you’d asked it, growing into a ponderous yet inescapable vortex that was now on the verge of sucking him in. He was usually reluctant to use his gift, but something had its teeth in him- something he didn’t care to examine too closely. You had asked for it…

Returning with your peach, you sent him a quizzical look. “You look like you’re thinking about something.”

“Do you remember at our first meetin’, at lunch, when you asked me if I could show you the…’tempting’ that I can do?”

The hand holding the peach paused halfway to your mouth. “...Yes.”

“I could show you now, if you want.”

Your arm lowered. “Okay,” you agreed.

Joel held out his hand. You stared at him, bemused, until he nodded toward your uneaten snack. Nerves fizzed in his fingertips as your hand neared, as the downy skin of the peach met his palm. 

He held it up. The fruit was nearly as big as his fist, which was saying something. “You want this peach?”

“I did,” you replied, amused and intrigued.

Joel turned and made his way to the couch, sinking into one end. He waved the peach at you again. “How bad?”

Only slightly wary, you followed, sitting opposite him on the couch. “Not bad enough to fight you for it, if that’s what you mean.”

Joel shifted to face you. His attention burned, as unavoidable as a desert sun. Looking at you intently, he tilted his head. “What about now?”

All at once, the peach looked like the most delicious thing you’d ever seen. It seemed to glow in the afternoon light, a fragment of summer itself in Joel’s hand. The rosy flesh was near to bursting with syrupy juice; all you could think about was how dry your throat felt.

Joel brought the peach to his lips. You were transfixed by the sight of his teeth piercing the skin; the wet sound of the flesh as it parted; his mouth and throat working as he slurped at the juice. 

Joel’s mouth glistened. “Do you want this peach?” He held it toward you, offering it like the precious gift it was.

You leaned forward, your knee touching Joel’s. The low rumble of his voice reverberated in your chest; your eyes darted back and forth between his face and the fruit. The peach’s fragrance, thick and floral, floated in the air. “Yes.”

“What would you trade for it?” Joel lifted the peach to his mouth again.

“Wait!” you cried. “Um-” You looked around wildly. In your frantic, clumsy haste to find something, you toppled forward.

You planted your hand on Joel’s chest to stop yourself. He sat unmovable, solid and warm. The woodsmoke scent of him threaded through the sweetness in the air. You lifted your eyes to his- his gorgeous eyes, golden like honey, like sunlight. His mouth was lush and wet as the fruit you’d all but forgotten about. Your interest in the peach was fleeting, a drop in the bucket compared to your desire for-

“Stop.”

The vitality of the moment faded. After a few fraught seconds, everything seemed slightly less…vibrant, somehow. Joel’s mouth was a flat line, his jaw tense. He didn’t move. 

Slow and cautious, you sat back, your brow furrowed. You remembered everything that had just happened, but the thought process behind your actions was less clear. 

You eyed the peach, wondering where its appeal had gone. “What did you…”

“I didn’t do anything. I asked if you wanted the peach. My powers did the rest.”

Joel’s powers. His aura of temptation, convincing you that what you wanted most in the world was perfectly within reach. Until…

Your face felt like it might burst into flames. “And then…”

“And then you got distracted,” Joel said shortly.

He set the peach on the coffee table and stood. “I’m late for something. I gotta go.” For once he left through the door, rather than vanishing in his uncanny way.

Your apartment felt strangely empty without him taking up so much space in it.  

Your cheeks blazed with heat beneath your palms. What just happened?

Joel said you’d gotten distracted. But his powers didn’t create desires, only amplified existing ones. Which meant…

You stood suddenly, overcome with the strength of your realization.

And Joel knew.

--

The ground Joel trod was uneven rock, but his mind was nowhere near his feet. It was back in your apartment, frozen in the exact moment he felt your desire shift, its focus change. 

To him.

It couldn’t be. But it was. He knew exactly what his powers could and couldn’t do, and they couldn’t put that fire in your eyes without a spark. 

Joel’s hands shook and his blood raced, propelling him toward the meeting place fast enough that he would no longer be late. He’d give himself away, but it didn’t matter. Tess was waiting.

--

A small crowd was already waiting at the crossing. You fell in at the back, using the wait to dig in your bag for chapstick. When the crowd started forward, you looked up.

Joel was standing on the other side.

You froze. People flowed around either side of you. In your indecision, the crossing light changed from green to red again.

It’s been 48 hours since you’ve seen Joel. Since his powers lifted the veil on your desire for him, bringing it into the light for you both to feel. 

Your eyes locked onto him. He stood as inscrutable as ever, hands in his pockets, his hair glinting silver in the light. He jerked his head in a summoning motion.

That was more like the irritating demon you knew. That familiar combination of annoyance and trepidation gave you the courage to cross the street.

Silently, he fell into step beside you. You walked slowly, both of you gathering your thoughts.

“That ice cream place you mentioned, when we went to lunch. Is it open now?”

It was so beyond anything you might have expected that you stopped, right in the middle of the sidewalk. 

“What?”

Joel paused a few steps later, turning his head, and then the rest of his body, back toward you. “The ice cream place. Is it open right now?” he repeated.

The gears of your mind turned stickily, slow to catch up. “Um…I think so.”

“Can we go?” Joel looked at you expectantly.

“Right now?”

Joel huffed in exasperation. “Yes, kitten. Right now. You feelin’ okay?”

“Sure, yeah, um…” Your thoughts juddered into motion again. “Just, it’s this way.” You pointed back the way you’d come. 

The line at the nearby ice cream place was long. You weren’t surprised. Neither was anyone else, it seemed. Families and couples waited without complaint, enjoying the balmy weather. You and Joel joined the end, still mostly silent. It wasn’t awkward, exactly. More…unsure.

“If I pay for this,” Joel finally said, “will you tell me the story behind your nickname?”

Oh. You didn’t answer for a long moment, your mind ticking. “Yes,” you said.

Joel nodded once, his face mostly stoic, and yet…not. You couldn’t put your finger on any specific emotion. Only that he didn't seem...satisfied, as if he wasn't quite convinced by his own course of action.

“Why do you even still have money?” you asked. 

Joel rolled his eyes. “To buy my victims ice cream, of course.” He gave you a sidelong glance, before stepping forward to peer at the menu.

You shook your head, looking away to hide a smile.

You expected to feel sad. Disappointed, about the idea that Joel wanted to end your second meeting and start your third and final one.

But you just couldn’t.

You couldn’t feel sad when Joel was still cracking lame jokes and suppressing smiles at your grudging laughter. You couldn’t feel worried that you fucked everything up when he handed you your ice cream cone with easy care, letting your fingers brush for a prolonged moment. You couldn’t fear that he wanted to end things when he asked if you had any plans for the local holiday next weekend; as if he paid attention, as if he cared. 

“Nah,” you answered. You didn’t notice Joel’s golden eyes flicker as you busily chased a trickle of melting ice cream with your tongue. “Well, I mean yes, but they’re the same as everyone else’s. Go out, get drunk, have a good time.”

“Where’s your favorite place?”

“What, to go out? The Chameleon, probably.” Your eyes closed to savor your ice cream.

The Chameleon was a place you’ve mentioned before. It was sort of a bar and a club stuck together, but the setup worked for everyone- especially the bar, whose patrons only needed to head into the back to ramp up their night out. You'd said the 'vibes' there were always good, which Joel thought sounded a bit retro, but which you assured him was currently modern slang again.

“Any good times planned?”

You sent Joel a curious glance. “Some, for sure, but they’re more open-ended plans.”

Joel looked away, across the lot full of picnic tables and families with their sweet treats, and concentrated on his cone. The height of his ice cream swirl steadily shrank, until finally it was level with the top of the cone. “So,” he said. “Kitten.”

You froze, a mouthful of ice cream half-melted on your tongue. You swallowed quickly, shivering as the cold caught in your throat. “Kitten,” you agreed.

The memory made you smile. Nostalgia tangled with a twinge of inevitable sadness as you finally told the story that had held the end at bay for so long.

“I was hired at Ruby’s right before Halloween. Normally Ruby meets all the new hires herself, but she was away that year for some reason. So I didn’t meet her until the day of Halloween. I was wearing a headband with little cat ears on it- employees were allowed to dress up, but I’d only just started, so I didn’t wanna do anything crazy- so the headband was my only ‘costume’, but Ruby comes in and she looks at me and goes ‘Well, who’s this little kitten?’”

Joel could hear it in Ruby’s exact tone. You laughed, shaking your head, and continued. “She just called me ‘kitten’ for the rest of the night- for the rest of the week. She did eventually learn my name, but it was too late by that point. Everyone else there started calling me 'kitten', too, and it just stuck

You shrugged, darting a glance at Joel. “I told you it wasn’t that exciting.”

“Maybe.” Waffle cone crunched between his teeth. “You mind that I use it?”

You looked up in surprise. “No.”

Joel’s eyes were bright, the yellow as defiant as dandelions. He popped the end of the cone in his mouth with relish and sucked the ice cream off his fingers. “Good,” he said. “Kitten.”

---

Thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist

[hazbinhotelxreader]

Hiiii, how's it going??? A few days ago this idea crossed my mind. A reader who is afraid of loud noises (phonophobia) x Alastor. Definitely something comfort. I was curious how he would react. Feel free to ignore this if you are not interested, I know you have tons of requests. ♥️🖤

Yep! I apologize for the long wait! I’ve been so busy! (I am VERY rusty. I havnt wrote since like July 😭)

Alastor x sinner reader with Phonophibia (platonic)

“Too Loud”

It was late afternoon at the hotel and you were sitting at the small bar in the hotel, drinking some of the alcohol left out, trying to drown out the noise of the others. It was..Choatic. Nifty was being nifty, Angel was being loud as usual, Charlie seemed more loud and happier than usual, Husk was getting pissed like usual, pentious was boasting just as loud, and Vaggie was getting ticked off by Angel and Alastor….Probably the only calm one right now

You hated it. You left your home to escape the loud chaotic and overwhelming mess and came to the hotel thinking you’d be safe. Turns out they can be just as crazy. From Charlie always getting into your personal space (which you don’t have the heart to tell her no), to Pentious getting distristful and defensive when you get too close to him or his machines. You just wanted peace. Peace was always on your mind..But then again when did you ever get it? Never. Its hell, nothings peaceful

You could have sworn your head was beating by the chatter, your heart rate increasing, it felt like it would jump out of your chest. It was too much, too loud, too noisy, too much chaos. You could here the light ringing in your ears, the small foggyness in your sight..

While you were in your own little episode, you weren’t aware of the figure approaching you. “Now whats with the frown dear? Don’t you think a smile will make you look more approachable~?”. A familiar radio voice rung out.

You jumped a little in surprise at his usual confident tone and turn to look at him, caught by surprise at his sudden appearance as you calmed down. “Hey Alastor..” You say a little tired, not going unnoticed by the radia demon.

“What’s seems to be the issue dear?”.He asked, looking over at you. He was still pretty intimidating for you, this was the radio demon after all…

“Nothing its just….loud in here” You say and look down at the almost empty glass bottle.

“Loud you say? Well you certiantly arent wrong my dear! At the Hazbin Hotel theres never a sleeping moment!’ He said with confidence as he leaned against the counter,holding his radio staff (right??) in his hands with his usual smile.

“That’s what im worried about…” You say with a tired expression and look back down.

Alasotor looked over at you, keeping his smile but a small ounce of concern, why was he concerned? He’s not use to this, he shouldn’t be concerned for another lowly sinner should he? Maybe its the fact that your one of the few demons that annoy him, maybe its the fact you aren’t loud or sexual, maybe its the fact you respect his personal space. Whatever it was, he liked you, well at least he disliked you less than the others.

“Well then my dear, don’t be afraid to come knocking on my door if it’s too much, my room is the furthest from everyone and I sure would like the company when I’m eating” He reassured with a smile.

You smile back, even if your a little suspicious of why he’s doing this, but having some peace and quiet for the firstime in…how long now? It doesn’t matter right now. “Thanks Alastor…you don’t know how much I appreciate that”. You weren’t sure how this would go…But anything was better than staying in a noisy hotel.

(Sorry I’m so rusty 😭😭😭)

[insolentmedico]

Alex didn't trust easily. He was someone who had been hurt, and who have been left behind. But Jo, she was different and she was someone he seen himself with and making plans about the future with. Their beginning was really rough and he knew that it took time, because also his reputation at the beginning wasn't the best either and he knew that. Alex just had to break through all those walls and make sure that it was right. But she finally said she loved him and he loved her and it was just about complimenting one another. The soft looks and the touches and that is something that Alex hasn't done in so long, and it was easy with her. Better then with anyone in his life and he knew that Jo didn't know that either. All that was shattered because decided to leave.

Alex knew he messed up. He knew that Jo didn't trust easily and she didn't give into anything easily. He was the one she let her guard down for, and him her and things were thrown away. At least that is what he has told himself because he knew Jo, once that trust was gone, it was hard to gain it back, because he was the same way. Jo had been through a lot and he knew that. Took him a while to realize just how she felt because she hid it well, and now, he knew he did that. He did the one thing he told her he would never do. The one thing she was scared of and he had told her not think like that. So whatever happens was on him and he did it. Alex had no one to blame but himself.

He had a wild hair up his ass, and they kept writing back and forth. The type of thing only people who wanted answers and closures with. But he knew right then and there he made a mistake and that Jo was the person he should have been with Izzie and him, they don't get along, it is more for the kids, and he just needed something more. He needed to be able to make things right because Kansas was not the place for him. But being pen pals with her, it was hard because he knew no one could find out. But then the call happened. He wasn't expecting it, he knew she was mad, and he knew she wanted answers, but he made a mistake and was kind of glad the papers weren't signed. He knew he couldn't live with himself if she signed them. With the phone to his ear, it felt new but also familiar with her.

Shaking his head, he knew this was going to happen. He knew no matter what he said, it would be taken wrong. "No that is not what I am saying Jo. Not at all. That is not what this is. It was more, I wanted to meet my kids, and Izzie and I, we were never a thing anymore. She is not who I wanted, and I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. You were the person I kept thinking about as soon as I got here, and even now, you're all I am thinking about and how much my kids would love you." He heard loved and that stung, he knew he couldn't blame her though. "Loved me? So, there is nothing else there Jo?" he felt his heart breaking a little bit and it wasn't fun, now he knows what it feels like for her when he did what he did, maybe he deserved that. He wasn't going to push it. "I won't push, but I am here and you are the one in charge of everything. I am just trying to show you it wasn't what you think and it wasn't what I made it seem to be."

@InsolentMedico 

Hurt; Jo was built for the hurt. She’s experienced the let down her whole life. From hoping for a family to take her in, from the disappointment she felt realizing she was on her own. She experienced feeling not enough, unwanted. It was her childhood. But at this age and how far she’s grown Jo realized what true undeniable love was about. Alex Karev showed her what it felt like to be loved and how hard you could love someone. He made her happy, smiling from ear to ear. He made her feel safe. He loved her despite all her history and flaws. It was an unconditional love Jo never experienced before him.

And even when he left; she felt as if she couldn’t breathe without him. It took weeks to understand; to know the why. Man she was so angry so mad at him for being a coward. His letter was the words she never thought he’d say. He broke every promise he ever said to her. A vow he made to never hurt her, to never abandon her. But he did. And at the time she took the time to process to accept he was gone. Once Meredith, and Bailey got their letters and the word for a new peds surgeon broke the whispers were like wildflies. The stares and talk of Alex Karev leaving her. Jo tired to pretend to focus on her work. But each night she came home to an empty loft; until she found a friend in Levi; he was the intern she slept with. But a good friend now that he wasn’t out to beat her; or flirt with her. Jo even hid the letters from her roommate here. She wanted to keep her litter conversations with Alex a secret. At the time when she wrote that first letter it was a way of grieving the life she wanted. The future she thought she had. And now she was forced to pick up her own pieces. One letter led to Alex responding. It was a shock each time she received a letter. It was supposed to be therapeutic for the brunette; easier to let go. But instead it only made her keep writing; his words. His mind on why he left; on what was going through that head of his now. 

It captivated her forward. Jo kept telling herself no. He left you. He picked a new family; the family you never gave him. It was a pep talk to convince herself that it was in her best interest to let him go. But now; as she stared down at his letter. The words he spoke; the love drawn onto the page it made Jo be impulsive. It made her call. But did she believe he’d answer? No not after all the times he dogged her call.  Even when she was that pathetic girl on the phone begging to hear his voice. Begging for him to answer; to give answers as to why he lied; why he disappeared. If he was okay. All she got was silence; so yeah color her surprised when the dial broke; his breathing was heard followed by his voice. 

The voice she longed to hear. The voice that always made her smile; always made her miss him more. Jo never held back; it made her angry to feel love but also feel his abandonment. So it was no surprise to hear herself speak back to him. To call him out for his crap. It was a trait Jo was aware he always adored about her. 

“ Sure it doesn’t.. Alex there was like a billion other ways you could’ve gone about this. About handling the news you had kids. You don’t just abandon the life you were building..” Angry and hurt shown in her voice. Holding the phone tightly in her grasp the brunette let her eyes close taking in the memory of his voice. Even if it hurt to have this conversation. 

She missed him; he still knew how to make her heart skip a beat. Rolling her eyes at his words. “ Because I’m the one not afraid to tell you when you’ve messed up Alex.” Pausing briefly before she geared herself to say her next words. “ If you really think I wouldn’t of supported you when you found out then  maybe all these years were a waste of time. I would’ve wanted  the kids because they were yours. I would’ve supported you. I’m not angry because of the situation. I’m angry because of the little respect and credit you’ve given me..” Words hurt; and yeah her intention was to hurt him. He ripped her apart; and basically wrecked  her. 

And now Jo hung on by a thread.

[springs-hurts]

okay not much hate against Remus but how tf people read His part in the story and came to conclusion that Harry deserved him as Godfather and not Sirius and James made a mistake(not lily, see she knew it was mistake, nvm Lily loved Sirius as well)

Like did we not read how He never visited harry when he was a kid? How even after meeting him, seeing Harry by his own eyes, he still didn't interact with him during whole goblet of fire, even though Harry was Hogwarts champion, still at risk? No? Like wow man! This man only knew how to Run away from his problems, how to avoid them best.

And the number of fics I've read where he's "2nd godfather", " Better than Sirius ", " I'm sorry for doubting you Remus, begging you please forgive me, nvm you doubted me as well" Like gods!!

Harry's Godfather, Sirius Black did not live on rats only for you to say He didn't deserve to be his godfather.

He did not went to privet drive just after breaking from Azkaban for you to say "James and Lily were wrong to go for Sirius"

He doesnt deserve it, and I'm glad now I've seen that changing. While not enough but atleast not how it was before!

[howtodisappearcompletelyand]

20/10 stars little guy

[hellonerf]

unusual face post where i don't bring up caname marriage. all of their gangstalia childhood photos have been shown! i've been very captivated by their answers

the question is virtually the same for each of them with different wordings. here lord and owner have a goal for their future. between a distinguished admirable grown up and a welcoming hotel runner. meanwhile hero and parrain's answer are like. so vague. [(i?) can be anything] and [(be?) me] makes me laugh. what are these kids even saying? such blatant different personality dynamics. i actually don't have any coherent words i just point at a difference and go wowwww coool(keys jingling in front of me). but really. how sweet!!! the different similar answers

[eyewyrm]

noel and identity loss...

trying to articulate why it feels wrong to call him charlie, because thats still him but at the same time not.

he's changed and things cant go back to the way they were, noel took up a new name one to remember but also to move on

i don't think noel is a fake name to him more so just a new identity he's taken up as an extension of himself. or at least someone he's rebuilt himself as after the dreamlands. i don't think he's discarded charlie as an identity but that he just has two names that are both very real to him, however just one of them is more in the forefront than the other so he'd be unused to his old name being used.

but i also think that he'd feel extremely disconnected to his old life and name that it would be uncomfortable and feel wrong for him, might feel that his past is catching up to him or maybe he'd be afraid that if he stops using noels name he'd be abandoning him in some way

or just using the name as an escape from the king in yellow who likely would've called him by his original name

i recognise this is like probably nothing at all but it is rotating in my brain and i need to get it out, i love saying shit and being completely incoherent

[sciderman]

(Idk if someone asked this already) since we’re on the topic of gender

sci what is gender to you and how do you see it in you and how you express it in your art?? (Just a young queer artist who wants some light shined upon them 🥺)

i 'unno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯