#Reread all my past drafts and I see the differences

[trolls-poppy-specialist]

writing be like (to me):

[greenduvet]

flowers she gave him pt. 1

A/N: Hi loves!! So excited to finally share this story that has been brewing in my head for what feels like forever. I haven’t posted any of my writing publicly for years! So this is a big step for me, and I just couldn’t keep these thoughts to myself any longer. I want to say the biggest thank you to @luiscarrutherss and @galarian-weezing-on-prep for not only reading the early draft but making me feel excited to write and share my story. Also my girlfriend for helping me edit and watching succession. This will be a friends to lovers slow burn, so if that’s your jam like mine stick around! Anyways, enjoy mwah!

The floor was silent. Most people had gone home hours ago, the lights off in most offices. It was always so odd this time of night — looking out over all the different worlds happening just below, life continued on so vividly yet it felt so stiff and halted here.

It wasn’t the plan to have been here this late. Really he should have picked you up hours ago, the dinner reservation that had been made earlier this week now way past check in.

The reservation was Roman’s idea. Maybe a poor attempt at an apology, the only way a Roy knew how to apologize — dance around it yet never letting it fully resolve. You were used to it by now, a lifetime of Roman had made you well familiar. Yet this time felt different. Roman for once in his life was being distant, independent. He would blame it on work, family, stress, but you knew him better than that.

Tearing your eyes from the window, you look at your phone. Still nothing from Roman, not even a heads up that he would be an hour late to the aforementioned reservation. The thought of sending another ignored text filled you with a sense of irritation. Why wait here when you could see him face to face?

Without a second thought you haphazardly throw your things into your bag, muttering softly to yourself. The lights of your borderline clinical office flick off as you shut the door.

The way to Romans office was nearly tattooed in your brain from years of walking back and forth. Though your office was just down the hall, tonight it felt like a dreadful journey into unfamiliar territory. This wasn't how the night was supposed to go.

Turning the corner you could see him through the thick glass walls. He was staring at his computer, full attention to whatever was on the screen. You swear you had never seen him work so hard in his life… or at least pretend to work this hard. With a soft sigh, you walk into the office and stop in front of his desk, his eyes not once glancing from the screen.

“Late night?” The tone of your voice is dry, maybe a bit sarcastic. You weren’t used to this Roman, the detached, focused type. He had always been clingy, willing to throw his work down as soon as you had walked in.

Even standing directly in front of him, his eyes still never move from the screen. Moving his free hand from the desk to run through his already tousled hair, he hums softly, not bothering to give a full response.

Another sigh leaves your mouth and you turn to take a seat on the piece of foam covered in velvet they called a couch, there more for decor than actual comfort.

~~~

While your back is turned, Roman’s eyes glance quickly to you. The perfect image of a long day, he watched as you slowly dropped your bag without a thought. The whole day he had fought the urge to text you and watched the minutes tick past the planned reservation. He didn’t understand why he was doing this, pushing you away and trying to hurt you. Yet he felt like he was the only one hurting here.

As quick as his eyes lingered on you they were back on the screen, looking at the same report sheet he had been rereading for over an hour now. The sight of you settling on the couch out of the corner of his eye made his brows furrow softly. Why was he doing this again?

“Uh, ya know, Dad had me do some stuff.” He mumbles softly in response, his voice high in octave and almost tense. God, he didn’t even believe himself. He rips the hand in his hair down and begins to rapidly type something on the computer, trying his best to sell his stupid ‘busy’ act. You weren’t buying it, but it was unspoken that you and Roman never really did feelings — maybe that's why you were still so close.

~~~

Sighing, you pull your phone out and slip off the uncomfortable shoes you were wearing. It seems like Roman won’t be finished anytime soon, so neither will you.

The two of you work in a tense but comfortable silence, you clearing old emails and roman rapidly slamming keys. It was routine, though it didn’t keep you from noticing that what was once so familiar was now slowly changing. The silence still comfortable, yet more deafening than before.

“We had a reservation for tonight, did you forget?” Your voice breaks the silence, addressing the elephant in the room. Panning your view to roman, you can tell the question makes him squirm. The vein on his forehead bulged, his eyes widening ever so slightly at the screen.

You wait to hear some poor excuse, something around how it wasn’t his fault or to fuck off… but it never comes. Roman just continues to slam on the keys, the discomfort only growing on his face.

Sitting up, you nearly roll your eyes for what feels like the hundredth time of the night. You didn’t have time to waste sitting twiddling your thumbs to expect a coherent response from Roman when he obviously wasn't interested in giving you one. Slipping on your tight shoes, you grab your bag and rise wordlessly.

You look at Roman, hoping for something. For him to look at you, acknowledge that you were here for him. His eyes remained glued to the screen, though it seems like there is a deeply rooted panic there. 5...10…30 seconds go by and he does nothing.

The voice in your head repeating a mantra of fuck this over and over finally wins, and you turn to the door to leave. Though it hurt, you were tired of this back and forth. That, and your bed sounded much more appealing than the stone couch.

~~~

The second you leave Romans office, his eyes tear from the screen to your disappearing figure. The feeling of panic that had been bubbling in his chest all week started to explode into a deeper fear — you were walking away. He knew he deserved it, but still — what the fuck? Part of him thinks to leave you be and ignore your texts again, but his heart is screaming at him to follow you, chase after you and stop pushing you away like he had been for weeks.

He rises from his desk, leaving his computer unlocked and hastily makes it over to where you’d gone off to.

~~~

It feels like the elevator is taking forever on purpose. Maybe to taunt you for waiting for Roman, or maybe because deep down you had hoped he would come after you. Still, you waited for the doors to open so you could forget about today and the weird feeling in your chest at your best friend ignoring you. Why did it feel like you might actually lose him this time? Roman had seen you through your worst, and you’d seen him through his. But this dynamic was new, and didn’t feel like something you could recover from.

Finally, the high pitched ding breaks you from your thoughts, the doors sliding open to the luxury elevator awaiting you. Stepping in, you scan your badge and wait to be taken to ground level once again. Wine sounded good tonight, lots of it.

The doors begin to close, but before they can shut a hand is shoved between them, forcing them to open. Roman. He was there, face slightly flushed. It was funny, because Roman had never been the one to chase after you originally.

~~~

The sun felt hot – almost scorching. It was the end of June and finally it was starting to feel like summer in the hamptons. The backyard seemed to stretch on forever and was decked in long tables covered in lavish meals. This was a yearly event Logan held for his “partners” and their families — It was for the people who knew where the bodies were hidden. The whole ‘get away’ was to keep them close.

Though the event was mostly filled with adults, a few children were scattered around. A boy almost in his older teens, one a few years younger doing his best to fit in with the adults. An even younger boy with messy hair and big eyes, a young girl with fiery red hair, and lastly another girl who didn’t really fit in with the others. Yet that didn’t stop her from trying.

“Roman! Look at this – it's a worm!” You held out the stick with a worm dangling from it, the soft blue dress hanging on your tiny frame most definitely ruined. The wide grin on your face only grew as Romans eyes widened in disgust as he turned in the opposite direction. You would only start to chase after him again in response, as you had all afternoon.

This was a game between just you and Roman — you bugged, poked, nagged, and in response he would run away, gag, and ignore. For some reason your tiny brain just never got the memo that he couldn’t stand you. Things were easier back then. Innocent.

The sound of a loud bell stops you in your steps, Roman halting ahead of you. Dinner time. Placing the worm gently back to the ground you follow the children you came to know as the Roys.

The feeling of eyes on you from your parents and other bodies burnt like fire on your skin as you approached the dinner table. You hadn’t meant to dirty the dress, but running through the vast yard with the people you called “friends” had made you forget — forget that this was a performance, and that you needed to set a good example so that your family could stand out. Your mother would have words to say about this later.

Each child slid into their assigned seat at their own table away from the adult conversations happening at the other, longer table. You couldn’t help but feel a little relieved — you didn’t fully understand that whole world yet at the ripe age of 5, but you knew enough to be bored. Shiv felt the same way you did, her face more relaxed now than it had been at the sound of the ringing bell.

Roman’s seat was the one next to yours, and it was made obvious by the soft groan that left his mouth when he saw the tag of his name next to yours. Dramatically, he pulled his chair from the table, each action over dramatized and nearly throwing his body into the seat. Though the sour look didn't last long on his face as his eyes panned over to you and your dirty blue dress.

“Mommy and Daddy won’t be very happy with that, now will they?” The sour look fades from his face, a devilish grin replacing it. His tone is teasing and rude. It wasn’t anything new with Roman, though. The only attention he spared to give you was the more unpleasant kind. But it didn’t stop your obsession with trying to break him down and play with you.

You return his comment with a pout and look away from him, your hands finding themselves busy undoing the neatly folded table napkin at your place setting. Gently your fingers pull it apart, corner by corner. Finally you place it gently on your lap, your head high as you reply. “It was an accident. Maybe if you played nice, I wouldn't be messy.”

Roman was almost surprised with the response he was met with, a little smirk filled his lips. He couldn’t help but feel put in his place. He nodded to himself, taking the napkin and ripping the cloth out of its fold. Vastly different from the way you had done it with so much meaning. Maybe you weren’t as annoying as Roman thought.

The dinner was pretty tame. The children made soft conversation about various topics — the summer vacations they had planned, the extracurriculars, the movies they wanted to see. While the adults stuck to business conversation, how it always was and would be. It felt nice though, for once being around other children who somewhat understood your lifestyle. That, and it was a lot better than the company of your au pair.

After dinner, you find yourself with Shiv in the garden playing a game of fairies while running around the well maintained garden of roses. The sound of your feet against the gravel and shared giggles is all that can be heard — a pure moment of childhood innocence. Your dress slowly changed into one more brown than blue, Shiv’s own dress dirtying as well. It didn’t matter though, because for once you were just girls playing.

Logan’s booming voice rips you and Shiv from the moment. You can’t make out anything he is saying, but the both of you know it can't be good. You look to Shiv but her eyes are already on your face, wide and crystal blue. Then you hear it clear as day, the only word that mattered. Roman.

Looking around, you find a flower from one of the many bushes and pluck it gently, making sure to not damage any petals. You didn’t know Roman well yet but you knew well enough that this was normal. The sound of Logan's booming voice most times directed at him, as he seemed to always be the easiest target. Though, there was something about this time that felt worse than the others.

Without a second thought you run off, away from Shiv and the flower garden, carefully cradling the small white flower in your palm. The soft sound of sniffling guiding where to go, eventually leading you to the side of the oversized house.

There he was — sitting on the floor, knees to his chest, and a hand holding his cheek in pain. The spitting image of a kicked puppy.

This was worse than the other times.

Wordlessly you sit next to Roman, eyes not daring to look at him, but glued to the wall with ivy overgrowing. Before Roman can protest or run away, you bring the small white flower into view. A smile fills your lips before placing the flower onto his knee with all the care in the world.

That was the moment everything changed.

~~~

The elevator doors open fully and Roman steps into it with you. Your name falls from his lips as his hands comb through his hair for the umpteenth time that night. “Look– Fuck. Let’s just grab dinner, okay? There’s gotta be someplace still open and half edible around the block.”

You can tell he is trying his best to contain his expression and stay in control of the moment, but he's failing. Miserably.

His hazel eyes watery and nearly pleading, begging you to look at him and forgive him for being a total ass.

Looking him up and down, you hesitate. Maybe to make him sweat or to make him feel how you did all day, you weren’t sure.

“Wherever we go, I want hashbrowns.” You tear your eyes away from roman and click the button that would take you to the lobby. Immediately there is air in the elevator again, Roman’s pleading eyes vanishing. He always seemed to get his way with you.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

[As usual I can't write about this show, so once again these are just thoughts, that I have been writing, leaving in my drafts, deleting a bit, writing some more, and so on. ]

Tis better to have loved and lost?

So, this cliché, of all things, is what's been on my mind since I finished LITBC. I hate this quote. It's not important why right now, I just do. But put it another way. Are things only good if they last? Is the joy, the love and the happiness somehow erased if it doesn't last forever? This is what has been swirling around my brain these past few days while I recover from the pain this show put me through.

Young was never the happiest guy. All through this series, and the novel, he has spoken of his loneliness and sadness. Which is why ultimately, he doesn't fight for Gyu-ho or even is surprised when things don't work out. I think, when looking backwards, is easy to embellish the past, to make it more than it was. To make it happier, crazier, sometimes more tragic even. But what I appreciate about this flashback, is how it all seems so normal. It's a snapshot, a moment outside of reality, because they're on holiday, but we get to see all sides. They fight, they make up. They get rained on, and they have sex. They are wet and uncomfortable but they are together. Like a small representation of their relationship as a whole. The first time we saw them in Bangkok, it was a blip. It was just happy.

And watching these moments,a part of me is sad. The happy ending lover is sad. The little whimpering voice that goes, but they loved each other so much, why can't they stay together???? 😭

And this is where rewatching the final two episodes after rereading the final part of the novel, kinda helped turn a corner and put a damper in my own suffering.

There's a feeling in those last seconds that is nowhere to be found in the novel. Hope. In the novel, he hasn't moved on. He's still stuck in the loss of the relationship with Gyu-ho. There's nothing in it that tell us that he'll be okay from now on. That he turned a page, and can now remember Gyu-ho with a smile. Instead he's still just sad, "crumbling away, little by little."

So, in that way, the show is definitely a less sad. Because like Young, I'm now able to see this relationship in a different way. As something precious that Young got to experience at least once in his life. He got the chance to open himself completely to another person, and be loved for who he was.

Of course the presence of the T-aras throughout contributes a lot to the lighter feeling of the series and specially these last moments. In the novel, he would stay in bed for days on end, and neglect his appearance and hygiene. But here we got to see the T-aras bursting into his place, forcing him to clean himself up and get out of the house. And the fact that he's closer to Eun Su, also made me feel like he's less alone, and maybe there's a deeper friendship there than I believed there was before. And perhaps he will trust him enough to tell him about Kylie. Or even the whole group.

I'm still undecided about the father subplot being added. I mean, since the author is the screenwriter, I'm not gonna say it's wrong, but I could've certainly gone without it. I just don't see what it actually added to the story besides just another person that Young couldn't count on. I already knew he was not present in his life, I didn't need to know he was an even worst human being.

I still wanna rewatch the whole thing to pay attention to the different parts, and the different ways in how they were shot, because I was too focused on all the feels to appreciate anything else.

[moonsun2010]

I'm mad Tumblr ate my anon asks (it's not appearing in my Drafts????) but luckily I have a copy saved to my email so:

HEY YOUR DRACULA ANIMATIC IS SO SO GOOD I can't comment on youtube (bc I have no account) but I've watched it like 10 times now, the song fits so well and the art is incredible, I love all your character designs and the way you portray all the scenes is so spot on!

I just finished re: dracula and idk how you managed to tell the whole story so well in under 4 minutes but it was amazing I love the way you use color in the animatic, the use of mostly black/white/grey is so good for evoking the specific type of horror story this is, and it makes the red in the blood and in dracula's eyes stick out in a way that is absolutely brilliant and that last shot with the sunset is GORGEOUS and then the epilogue!!! I love that you did the epilogue to and having the gentle piano music and doing it in full color gives it such a peaceful and comforting feeling, the drawing of quincey and lucy in it in the afterlife together is so sweet <3 the detail that went into this is amazing, like the captain of the demeter having the rosary even though we only see it for a second, I keep wanting to pause on every single frame so I can properly admire all the cool art lol, also the things like jonathan's beard growing out after dracula breaks the mirror, and the rosary hanging above his bed, and dracula still having the scar from the shovel in the final showdown

AND THE PART WHERE DRACULA CATCHES THE LETTER... literally the way you tell the whole story with (almost) NO WORDS in not even 4 minutes and the whole thing flows so smoothly is incredible I love the way you do like the zoom out thing on some places, it adds a whole new dimension to it visually also the way you draw mina and jonathan after the october 3rd bit is lovely, your jonathan looks so cool with the white hair and i love how you did mina's scar, and the part where her scar disappears at the end was such a cool way to depict that and the difference between human lucy and vampire lucy is done so well, like it's so clearly the same character but you can really see how she's not herself anymore, and the way you used that when they kill vampire lucy and show arthur's resolve to use the stake bc he's now seeing her as a monster who replaced and essentially killed the woman he loved and he wants revenge, literally I will never be over how much story and emotion you managed to fit into a single music video and the way you did quincey's death? crying at that part tbh.

AND THE FRAME OF DRACULA GETTING BEHEADED WITH THE RED BACKGROUND.... IS JUST *chef's kiss* I was going to say I have no words for how much I love this but clearly I have quite a lot of words lol, thank you tumblr for not having a character limit anyway have a good day/night :)

Anon I'm so sorry for this delayed reply,,, I kept rereading this in awe and didn't want to release it into the wild (and it still got eaten anyways-)

I'm so glad you enjoyed the character design!! It's not my strong suit at all so that's reassuring. The colour scheme lowkey started out as a timesaving measure, but it also allowed for me to render scenes with detail that I otherwise couldn't've with the tight time frame I had, since at the time I was also juggling university assignments. I'm glad the sunset scene hit as hard as it did, since I had also just discovered Disco Elys/ium, so it was an attempt to emulate Rostov's illustration of Harry on Filippe III's statue). It worked out in the end anyways, since the grayscale + red accent combined with a colourful epilogue gave a "the horror is now in the past, and we are in a (literally visually) livelier future)" <3

I've seen so many people say they want to pause on each frame to examine it in detail, and guess what, you can get a zip file of them all as watermarkless pngs in my kofi! For free! It's pay-what-you-want since I just really wanted to get as many eyes on this as possible, but any tips would definitely still be appreciated.

It was fun mapping out the match cuts and transitions e.g Dracula catching the letter, Mina and Dracula with Lucy in the churchyard, since the previous semester I'd taken a storyboarding class that taught that, so I HAD to include it. Zoom outs helped add visual interest to otherwise still shots, so I'm glad they didn't come off as overdone haha.

It was tough mapping out what storybeats to include, but I'm super happy that the angst for all the key moments in the video hit right :D Was worried about losing momentum after leaving the Jonathan in Dracula's castle bit, and so I really wanted the ending of each verse(?) to correspond with a red screen injury— notice that "you'd better let yourself off and, while you still have strength in your legs, escape from this horrible hell/你最好放过自己 趁双脚还有力气, 快逃出这可怕地狱" always ends with some character harming another, and when the verse repeats again but with the ending lyrics changed "you’d better let yourself off, rather than crying out to another, “Save me!”... Save me!/你最好放过自己 胜过跟谁叫救命... 救命!", it still ends with Van Helsing staking the 3 vampire women. And of course, the ending "escape from this horrible hell/快逃出这可怕地狱" ends with the sunset, its red now replacing that of the blood the characters had to spill previously, signalling an end to their necessary monstrosity (and also a literal monster with Dracula dying).

Like with the frame of Dracula getting beheaded, the timesaving measures, limited skills (plus lack of any sort of storyboarding software, I was just ""animating"" the movements with Shotcut) forced me to find creative workarounds. I could fill at least 3 pages with writing dissecting all my choices lol but idt therell be much interest in me analysing my own art. Thank you so much for watching my animatic :)

[brick-van-dyke]

Some Thoughts on the 'Writing Process'™

So I see a lot of writers struggle with these very specific things, AKA:

The Staring at the Blank Page Thing where you struggle to come up with ideas, words, etc

The Word Counting Counting where you cannot stop counting your word count

The 'Can Someone ELSE Proofread This Because I Don't Want to Read It' dilemma

The 'How Do I STOP Hating Everything I Write' issue which also leads into the 'How Do I Stop Scrapping Everything' issue

And finally the 'I DONT WANT TO WRITE I WANT TO IMAGINE IT INSTEAD' problem

There are various things that can make writing hard, but I have had some thoughts! And maybe they might just be useful.

So for Issue Number 1, I've found that, if you want to write, NEVER do it before you already have the ideas. Looking at a blank page just makes it harder. You get bored and that makes writing feel boring. Of course, this is all just my opinion, maybe this actually works for you. BUT! In my own personal experience, I find that actually LIMITING how often I open my document helps a bunch. No matter how much you wanna write, there's no point torturing yourself over how little you're doing and shaming or pressuring yourself to get it done. Punishing yourself is just gonna kill your inspiration and, obviously, you're not going to want to write if you now associate it with punishment for not writing. It's a cycle of just being mean to yourself. Well, don't wanna be unproductive? As silly and counterproductive as it sounds; self care is the answer which I've found that actually works.

This actually leads into Issue Number 2. I think these probably stem from the same issue; punishing yourself for not producing. Again, punishing yourself and shaming yourself into just staring at a blank screen or staring at how little the word count is or how much you have to go until your goal is just going to kill your inspiration and make you bored. Shaming doesn't get you to write more, or faster or suddenly become more productive. Believe it or not? Self care and making it fun is what makes a fun story come to life. You're not just writing a block of text that's a recount to sell in this capitalist hellhole (I mean you are but that doesn't mean the process has to be bound by capitalism because FUCK CAPITALISM), you're writing a story you wanna tell; focus on the story before the method and don't punish yourself for it not just magically appearing. These things take time, they take trial, error, mistakes and various drafts, but FIRST? They take those little moments where you just daydream scenes and the imagination you have to exist at all. Focus first on the story and your own health and the rest will come, slowly but surely. Anyway that was a lot of words to essentially just say; don't look at the word count, focus on the story and the length will follow regardless. It's fine to check and obviously, you'll just have to at some point. But please please try and do what you can to avoid checking, even use a different method. I use page count because it's so varied and inaccurate that it actually doesn't matter and just tricks my brain into using that to see my very general progress and makes it seem bigger than it actually is. It also can just be easier to check at a glance if I want to make sure the structure of each chapter is more or less consistent enough.

Issue Number 3 is tricky, mostly because once you've made something, it can be legitimately very boring to reread everything you JUST wrote. For me, I'm sort of chaotic in that I reread as I go or do it very randomly and rewrite as I come up with things. The good thing is though that what you write isn't set in stone. It's malleable and fluid. I always have a cut and paste section on my computer where I just... cut and page and rearrange things as I think of it. I don't worry about "oh but what if I mess up" because you're ALWAYS gonna mess up! That's actually one of the cool things about writing, you CAN mess up and go back and reread it eventually to make it work a bit better after all the other chaotic going-back-and-fixing-things. Which brings me to my main point (especially if you don't want to replicate my chaoticness) I try to leave proofreading itself as much as I can for the end of it all. As in, I just let myself write, yes rearranging and going back whenever I want, but never throwing anything OUT, never scrapping the whole document because it's gonna have bits you might reuse. And more to the point, it gives you a lose skeleton to base your next draft on. It's more work but I find it really reassuring in that you don't judge every little thing as you go, but just say "meh, fuck it!" and write whatever works, then rewrite it in a separate document all over again, never deleting the last one so you can copy and page whatever you liked from the first draft, or second, or third, and use each mistake and flaw. Recycling is good folks, even just in writing. Or... at least it is for me. If this doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for you, but this is just what helps me so maybe it might help you too.

This also goes into Issue Number 4. Honestly, you're never gonna not be your biggest critic. But! You can at least make your work feel a bit more positive and go in with a "eh who cares?" mindset into writing. It may not erase the "wow this is hot garbage" feeling, but it'll feel a bit more like "well this is MY hot garbage and I don't care if it's bad or good, because at least it was fun". Plus, like I said; recycling is very good. The best way to force yourself not to hate something is to get really damn used to it, AKA, never getting rid of it. Which is hard, I know. Especially if you just really freaking hate it. And, well, it's not like I'm saying you should keep absolutely every little thing, I don't want you all to get clutter and folders upon folders of stuff you won't use...buuut I am saying it helps to keep things and get comfortable in your own messiness and imperfection. It starts to feel normal at least, or for me it does, and slowly you kind of just...accept it. Also, making fun little things to enjoy your ideas away from your writing itself. If you draw? Make fanart. Maybe even make AUs in your head. Maybe make some mood boards. HYPE YOURSELF UP! Or as best you can at least, and never force things. If you aren't feeling this particular story right now? Move on to another project and yes having WIPs can be annoying but sometimes it's necessary. Again, these are all just my opinions and stuff I do when I struggle with these; I'm not commanding anyone to do anything and as always, maybe this won't work for you personally. But hey, doesn't hurt to give it a try first and see if it works, or maybe something else will. Whatever the case, this is just my own two cents.

And finally, Number 5. Honestly? This isn't so much as issue in and of itself as much as just an issue of prioritisation. Imagination is the most important part of even coming up with a story to begin with and, honestly, imagining scenes can really help build a mental image of what you want to describe and how things look and feel. One thing, a little cheat code you could say, that I've found is melding daydreaming with research. Which makes absolutely no sense since this is the most funnest part with the most boring part of writing, but hey, it works surprisingly well I assure you. So here's the setup I have; no doc (except for if I really need to jot down some notes), then images that remind me of my work (Pinterest boards maybe, a few mood boards, etc), then the research. I go between each of these; daydreaming. The result? I imagine scenes with the research I want; motifs that work with themes, imagery to use in scenes, what architecture works, what the weapons look like. Then, before I even write, I go back and still daydream WITH what I've researched and it sticks in my mind way better than even the notes I've made. Speaking of, with notes, I like to doodle in the margins of them, make them fun, highlight with fun colours. Sometimes? Research, note taking and writing doesn't have to be work in and of itself, sometimes it can be fun and a little quest of your own. Sometimes making writing and research feel like you're daydreaming can make all the difference between begrudgingly slugging through a chapter, or just having fun writing a new scene you just imagined and that starts to form into something new and exciting.

TLDR: Make writing fun! Like Mary Poppins once said; "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down". Sometimes it's actually better to make the work into a treat instead of using a treat as a bribe or punishing yourself. In fact, making any part of the process into a punishment for not working just makes everything harder.

ALSO! Just in general, take breaks! It's easy to forget what you're doing (especially once it becomes fun) and forget to take care of yourself both physically and mentally. Too much time looking at a screen (or even just a page) can be straining! Remember to eat! Remember to drink water and sleep! Get up and walk around if you can, go to the bathroom and maybe even go for a little walk outside and get some Vitamin D if you're able to. Remember to maybe take a few days away from writing so you can come at it again with a refreshed mind and new perspective, sometimes you can get boggled down and start getting too focused on one little thing. It's good to let yourself have half an hour, an hour or even a few days to just refresh and go out and get new inspiration just from living. Sometimes the key to writing and ideas is to just stop writing for a bit and to just take a breath.

[snowyroads]

I feel so greedy after reading your latest fic, I WANT MORE. 💀 I absolutely loved it, I appreciate that you write our boys in a way that feels realistic. Sometimes I think it’s hard to write dialogue for NFL fics that doesn’t seem odd or forced but I can really see Joe and Ja’Marr in your writing. Hence why I can’t wait for whatever you write next 🥲💜 AMAZING WORK

HAHAHAHA 😭😭🤭 don’t feel bad for being greedy anon!!! I love writing!! <333 (im insane 😵‍💫)

BUT i have a TON of wips rn and i literally keep writing little by little for each because im too obsessed w wanting to finish all of them!!!😔 AND THEN things like last week happened where i get the strongest urge ever to write just about one fic and all my attention is on that one wip 😭 (neglecting the poor others 😾)

so here’s a list of some of the wips i got going on rn: (putting a cut cuz i yap)

1. a joemarr time travel au that has been in the works since october that the wonderful chasedeys came up w and let me write a version of it!!! (she probably doesn’t even remember me asking to write about it cuz it’s been so long 😭😭)

it’s also taking forever because i want it to be multiple chapters and who knew how hard it would be to write the pov’s between the past and the future 😮‍💨😮‍💨 (so this one is most likely going to be my next post because imma put out a couple chapters at different times!!!)

2. a koc/jj smutty Christmas fic 😼😼 (I CANT FOR THE LIFE OF ME figure out how to write a player/couch dynamic) every time i think im getting the hang out it, i reread it and delete it cuz i hate it😭😭 so that one might take a while!!

3. stef/josh angsty reunion. basically they see each other again, outside of the football field (maybe during offseason or sum??) and they finally talk about everything yk?? just a very emotional fic tho with all the angsty and eventually fluff (and probably smut 😭)

4. another stef/josh EXCEPT it has nothing to do with football and it’s a Hallmark au. like city boy Stefon meets farmer boy Josh out in butt fuck nowhere after Stefon’s plane has to have an emergency landing due to weather or some shit like that. and it’s all the cliches of a Hallmark movie. the small town community, trying to save the local bakery, Stefon not liking Christmas that much, Josh teaching him Christmas is more than just Santa and presents, it’ll even start snowing when the kiss. like i wanna go full out!!

but that ones gonna take a while too cuz it would be fully from scratch and i wouldn’t have anything to go off of (if that makes sense??😭)

5. Joemarr in France during the Paris fashion week!!! this was actually asked by an anon a while ago and i still haven’t finished it😔 (IM SO SORRY ANON!!!😓) but basically it’s them in France together and just up to no good yk?? (plus some smut cuz Ja’marr wouldn’t be able to hold himself back after see Joe’s outfit!!!)

SOOO, i have all these wips in my drafts, waiting to be typed upon 😼 CUZ THEY WILL ALL COME OUT EVENTUALLY!!! 🫡🫡

anywhoooo, does this even answer ur question anon??😭😭 TYSM for the compliment btw!! <3333 love you guys!!!💗💗

[uncleasad]

This post came past my desk today, and I thought folks here might find it interesting/helpful, particularly the suggestions (from the academic paper, as summarized by the author of the blog post) for clearing a block—or at least a specific type of block:

Take a break from writing: “Stop writing, decide tomorrow is another day, and walk away from the computer until the next day.” (26%)

Work on a different writing project: “Jump from the work on which I’m currently engaged to another.” (13%)

Keep writing: “Force myself to write to a certain page number” (12%)

Revise or reread current work or skip ahead to work on a later section: “Reread notes or drafts” (10%)

Read a book or watch a movie: “I read the work of authors I admire to become inspired.” (10%)

Take a walk: “I go for a walk” (6%)

Discuss ideas with others: “Ask for advice. See what other people think. While you usually won’t use what they suggest their ideas can kickstart you brain.” (8%)

Change writing location or writing method: “Switch up locations or methods of writing – write using a pen, a typewriter, etc.” (6%)

Exercise: “Exercise/movement” (3%)

Research: “Researching relevant or related topics” (3%)

Eat or drink something: “Drinking coffee or snacking” (2%)

Meditate/do yoga: “Meditate for five minutes” (1%)

Number 2 is responsible for pretty much the entirety of my In-Progress list as well as for the Tales from the Salvatore Kitchen series. I’ve also done a lot of #4 (especially on After Ten Long Years, which currently consists of 5 distinct sections, but I also successfully employed the reread/revise strategy on the final part of the Josie Saltzman’s Final Holidays trilogy), some #6—which is really a specific subset of #9 I think—(often working in the yard/garden or mowing the lawn instead of walking per se), sometimes #7 (looking at you, friends 😀)…and #10 is a good procrastinator 😂

One thing I don’t see mentioned, and the source of all my best ideas (as I’ve mentioned before) is take a shower; the article I linked to in that post explains why that works.

(Sadly, none of these suggestions are relevant for my current case of writer’s “block,” which is entirely a lack of time. Maybe I should stop visiting tumblr 😂)

[consistentsquash]

2023 HP Fic Recs

HP Fics written and completed in 2023 which I read and loved. My recs are based on my reading + taste.

Snarry

OTP!

For I Have Found Salvation by @lumosatnight

Severus is a priest, and Harry is the parishioner who may just make him break his vows of celibacy.

Enough said. Hot, wrong, dirty. So totally Snarry!!! Also with a twist you don't see coming! Rated E. 7100 words. From Snarry AUctober Fest 2023 collection.

  Snake Charmer by @perverse-idyll

Sometimes all Severus had to do was turn thirty-plus years of repressed hunger upon him, and Harry would start shaking.

They are total disaster failmarriage hotness! Feel really sorry for everybody around them. Like a lot! The opening line is giving one really bad vampire in Hunger so much for me :D :D It's like a snippet/draft from WARM my beloved! <3 3200 words. Rated T.

  Devotion by @danpuff-ao3

Is there anything more undignified than needing someone so much?

26000 words. Rated E. Maximum hotness. Maximum wrongness. Maximum dirty bad delicious Snarry. This is the longest HP fic I read this year and 100% worth it!!! I am a big fan of Danni's Snarry and this fic is one of my all time fav Snarries. From Snarry-a-thon 2023 collection.

  In His Bed by @givereadersahug

Jealousy flooded Harry at their familiarity with each other's bodies. Resentment at their ease in getting each other off — the passion, the eagerness, the joy. All so different from his relationship with Severus.

Harry is super Slytherin here! Using the memories in order to learn what makes Snape tick! I really loved the dirtybadhotness of this fic! 450 words. Rated E. HP Kinktober collection.

  Coda to "Soft Touch" by @perverse-idyll

He'd thrown the bait. Would Snape catch it? Yes, he would, and throw it back.

Soft Touch is the Most ethical Massage Therapy fic ever :D Dirty, bad, hot, wrong. So it's incredible to get this really sweet and wholesome coda. You can see the undercurrents of the more complicated themes but also really sweet. 3300 words. Rated T. This is as fluffy as PI Snarry gets :D :D

  Femslash

Nymphadora, Nymphet by @thistlecatfics

Could this woman be a relative of her mother’s?

Bellatrix/Tonks, Bellatrix/Andromeda. 20200 words. Rated E. From Women of the House of Black fest 2023 collection. Really hot, dirty, wrong on literally every single level :D Obviously I love it! The femslash Lolita fic HP fandom really really needed :D

  Candles Lit Against the Dark by @perverse-idyll

Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank/Minerva McGonagall. 13600 words. Rated G. My favorite fic of 2023. From Snapecase 2023 fest collection. Beautiful, beautiful fic which is kind of my personal epilogue for the books at this point. Lost count of rereads. It's packed with beautiful friendships, people focusing on the sweet instead of the bitter, people moving on together, people forgiving each other. It's an incredible fic with perfect execution on some classic tropes like matchmaking and friends who are going to help you whether or not you asked for it. Also some not so classic tropes like celebrating a female character's life/happiness/love being the center of a rich fic. Ultimately this is Minerva McGonagall's fic and I am so here for it.

  Once of Eden by eldritcher.

Lily/Eileen. 2000 words. Rated M. Poignant and super sharp character study of Lily. Lots of storms inside her head about her family/war/Petunia/Snape. This is right before her marriage but she has this feeling she doesn't fit into that life and she doesn't want to let go of her past. Like a lot of us, she's also seeing her past/childhood through these nostalgic glasses but at the same time she's also noticing adults in her life and has this bittersweet feeling that she's an adult now/making adult choices now. Serious Catcher in the Rye vibes. This fic has the Lily for me. Really like Harry, really Gryffindor. It's a really beautiful, sensitive, unique, powerfully human fic.

  Leather by @saintsenara

Tonks/Fleur, Tonks/Charlie, Tonks/Remus, Tonks/OFC. 2900 words. Legit character studies of bi characters are super rare in our fandom. I don't really go for self-discovery type fics but this one is whoa! Love, love, love and highly recommend this one. It's out and proud and amazing. <3 From Ladies of HP Fest Collection.

  Rare slash

Rare as in the only fic on AO3 for the pairing :D

The Ice Cream Man and the Potions Master by @squibstress

Florean Fortescue/Snape. 9000 words. Rated G. From Hoggywartyxmas 2022 fest collection. This is definitely my fav slash fic of the year <3 I feel like a lot of times especially with OTPs the preslash part is kind of assumed to happen in the background. This fic does an incredibly amazing job of setting up the preslash and it's just ultra convincing. New Snape ship dropped <3

Gen

Yeah, I read gen! Tbh I don't except when a character study fic or an author's writing style really grabs me :D

October by @ashesandhackles

Insanely amazing character studies. Rated G. The Barty Crouch Jr. character study, Disappointing Fathers, is probably my all time fav genfic with him. I came out of this super sympathetic for Barty which is something that never happened to me before. So well written and brilliantly characterized.

  Womb by eldritcher

3000 words. Rated M. Phineas Nigellus Black character study with a beautiful friendship with Snape. Dark and intense but the fic has my fav Snape resurrection of all time <3 From Snapecase 2023 fest collection.

  Birds of Paradise by eldritcher

2700 words. Rated G. Fawkes character study with a beautiful friendship with Albus Dumbledore. Really beautiful, ethereal fic. eldritcher can write non-human characters with their own "type" of emotional connect. Normally they use this superpower for writing interspecies :D But this is a beautiful gen fic. From Pandemic, my most beloved. Obviously each and every eldritcher fic has a really special place in my heart but Pandemic is just insanely generous giving something special at the right time when it was needed and it made a huge difference for me personally. Love and anarchy, always!

  The Octaves and the Circumsion of Our Lord by eldritcher

The Dark Lord is circumcised. Nobody knows how everybody knows, but everybody knows.

2300 words. Rated M. Regulus Black character study with a beautiful friendship with Kreacher. Dark and intense fic about Regulus getting radicalized but also showing how he actually buys into those beliefs. Normally I avoid Regulus fics because the characterizations just don't work for me. This is exactly how I imagine Canon Regulus.

  Al Najid by eldritcher

She has come here to make an example of this woman for the son to find. Snape should know that betrayal comes with consequences.

2800 words. Rated M. Bellatrix Black character study set just before she tortures the Longbottoms. A complicated situationship with Eileen. Dark and hot mess Black family fic.

Het

Oof. Literally zero reason to trust my hetfic recs but you got to trust me :D These fics are amazing!

Ariadne by @ashesandhackles

Surrealistic, beautiful character study of Cho. It's got Harry/Cho, Cedric/Cho for pairings but this is 100% her fic. 1100 words. Rated G.

Exploring Cho's feelings for Harry in wake of her grief for Cedric's death, with symbolism from myth of Ariadne, Theseus and the Minotaur

  Four Christmases Pomona Sprout Loved and One She Hated by @kellychambliss.

Aberforth/Pomona. 6800 words. Rated T. This fic keeps it real. I really felt her pain because when you are an adult making new friends is super hard! The BEST Aberforth Dumbledore Snarkiest!!!! <3 I am a big fan of how this author writes The Abe D! Actually I am a big fan of this author. FAVE! <3 A lot of times rarepairs can feel kind of hard to believe because the characters don't have canon time together. You are totally going to be convinced. ALSO BANTER. I love relationship progression with banter. Things get bittersweet because of the war but it's got a really beautiful earned happy ending <3 My fav het fic of the year. Best fic to end this list :D

[oliversrarebooks]

Hey I’ve been following for a while and really enjoy your writing 💖 and if you don’t mind talking about it, I’ve been wondering about your process a bit, as in how often do you write and how much do you tend to get done?

I ask partially because I’ve been considering starting a writing blog of my own but problem is I’m really slow as a writer 😅 like it can take me a day to do half a page and I can’t shake the habit of rereading and editing as I go. You post pretty regularly so you seem to have a good technique going, and I think you’ve said something about having adhd in the past??? I have it too so if Im remembering correctly then you probably understand how productivity can be a struggle. I guess I’m hoping to pick up some wisdom from someone in a similar boat

Anyways, sorry for rambling, keep up the good work and hope you’re having a good day ☺️

Getting faster at writing is just a skill you can develop over time, I think, and even then, some people will be faster than others and that's okay! Instead of worrying about doing half a page in a day, you could try writing 100 words a day for a while, for instance. Writing a smaller amount more frequently will eventually get drafts done.

I've been writing for a while and I tend to be reasonably fast, but a lot of that is practice and planning. I'm often writing from a loose outline of how the scene will go, and for my bigger projects, I have a big picture outline with notes, too. Writing for me is fastest when I treat coming up with the ideas, scene progression, dialogue etc. as a different activity, especially because the "thinking" parts can be done while doing chores or commuting etc. I do Nano each year and there's no way I could ever finish it if I weren't writing from outlines.

I try to write each day and aim for 400-500 words a session, but I often do have to skip days for various life reasons.

I'm only recently diagnosed with ADHD so I don't have any great productivity tips! The entire reason I ended up getting diagnosed was because my productivity was driven almost entirely by anxiety and the stress was literally killing me. I'm trying to get into a healthier mindset now, especially now that I have appropriate meds.

One of my big ADHD-related problems was being unable to ever feel accomplished -- even big accomplishments always feel more like "welp that's one tiny thing done but I still have a mountain to go". That's one of the mindsets I need to shed and remind myself that writing something like Bookseller in my spare time is a pretty good accomplishment!

I feel like maybe I see some of that in your ask, where you're being hard on yourself for writing a half a page. Even if it took you a while -- maybe especially if it took you a while -- that's still something you get to be proud of. No one else is going to tell the story you have in your head in the way you would tell it, after all.

[mediumtires]

i'm rereading copper and wool and did you ever say what christians anniversary gift was for toto 🤔

okay okay SO! this is so funny, a few weeks ago the first person ever (shoutout to FallingStar on ao3) actually guessed right! it's sheep! to me it was so obvious (copper and wool etc) but looking back now, it really wasn't. so christian's anniversary gift is sheep lol.

when i wrote it i was actually planning a tiny little sequel but I abandoned it and now it's collecting dust on my desktop. that being said, i’ll put it here (unbeta-d first draft) for those who might want to read it!

“No. No chance.” “C’mon, be a good sport.” “Nein,” Toto says, trying hard to hide his smirk. “I will not let you blindfold me.”

“What if I were to take you upstairs?” “Are you?” “No.” “Then no,” Toto laughs, a little exasperated, and tries to pull away from Christian’s insisting hands.

“C’mon, darling,” Christian tries again, a wide grin lighting up his features. “You know it’s the standard protocol for surprises.”

“I don’t trust you,” Toto just says and turns away from Christian and the tie in his hands to put the water filter back in the fridge. “Fuck you.” Christian laughs in retaliation and swats the tie at him. “At least close your eyes then.”

Toto sighs heavily and turns back to Christian, propping one hand up on the kitchen counter. “Are you serious?” “Entirely.” Christian knows he’s won when Toto sighs once more in exasperation and rakes a hand through his hair.

“But don’t make me fall,” he instructs. “Or walk me into things. I’m very important.” Christian rolls his eyes. “I know you are. Now, c’mon. Close your eyes. We don’t have all day.” “We don’t?” 

But Toto does close his eyes after all and stretches his hands out to curl them around Christian’s hips. As Christian starts walking, he says, “Y’know, if you would’ve gone for the tie, I might’ve taken you to the bedroom after.”

Toto snorts. “If you want me to tie you up and blindfold you, just ask,” he offers with a devilish little smirk and Christian is glad he’s got his eyes closed. Something to consider. “Maybe later.” He’s aiming for nonchalant, but he knows Toto sees right through him anyway.

When they step out onto the patio, Toto pulls up his shoulders and frowns. “Are we outside?” “Yes.” “Why?” “Can you not just let me do this for five minutes?” Christian asks, exasperated. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

Toto does shut up after that, but it’s mainly because he’s concentrating hard on not tripping and falling when trailing after Christian.

It’s been a few days since their return from Miami and this is the first lull in both their schedules, both of them home early, so frankly, Christian saw an opportunity and took it. Not that he thinks it would have made a huge difference to wait another day or two. Toto hasn’t set a foot anywhere but the chicken coop in a good week, so the probability of him finding out about this is hilariously low. It does make Christian question the whole idea somewhat, but it’s too late now anyway. Still, the Carrera on his left wrist weighs a little heavier than usual.

Toto trips once they reach the gravel path leading further into the grounds and digs his hands into the fleshy bit of Christian’s hips to catch himself. He grunts, stumbles, and Christian can’t help but crack a laugh. “Careful there,” he offers. “Gravel.” He pats Toto’s left hand and then keeps his palm there.

“You are supposed to guide me,” Toto complains, and he already sounds like he’s enjoying this much less than only a minute ago. “You are making me fall on purpose.”

“I’m not.” Christian rolls his eyes towards the sky but keeps moving. “Not everything I do is to antagonise you, darling. Now stop whining.”

Toto does not stop whining because of course he doesn’t. He’s very vocal about how stupid this whole thing is all the way past the chickens, the goats and the donkeys, the pen closest to the house, past their two old ponies, Jacky and Jim, which they had adopted on a whim from the farmer up the road.

For a moment, Christian is contemplating whether he should just push Toto into the pond to humble him. A while ago a bunch of ducks moved in and don’t seem to want to leave again. Christian has grown quite fond of them. More often than not he finds them with the chickens now or waddling around the farm.

“Are we—Is that ducks? Is that the ducks?” Toto has picked up on the distinct flapping of their wings, affronted at the unusual intrusion of their privacy. Christian chuckles at the drake side eying them and pulls Toto further down the path towards the folding. It’s the one attached to the barn at the outskirts of their main property, and Christian had chosen it mainly because it was the one Toto would be least likely to walk into unprompted.

“Almost there,” he says and takes one of Toto’s hands in his so navigating the uneven grounds becomes a little easier. “Should have put on wellies,” he ponders, as he eyes the meadow, the grass long and wet. It’s perfect for the sheep but not exactly ideal for Toto’s dress shoes. They’re Italian leather.

“What?” Toto makes a sound as the damp grass hits his ankles and Christian’s smirk widens. “Christian, you should’ve told me! My boots were right there! These are Italian leather!”

He knows. “I know.” He pulls Toto along. Surprisingly, despite his bitching and moaning, he keeps his eyes closed. “Might have to throw them out later. Shame.” He’ll make sure to keep Toto out here long enough for them to be soaked through and ruined. 

Toto makes another sound, displeased, but Christian can see how hard he’s trying to bite down on his exasperated amusement. Toto’s about to throw a comment back at him when a loud “Baaaaa” cuts him off. “What was that?” Toto pulls himself up a little taller. The sheep must’ve spotted them because there’s another string of agreeable bleating. “Christian, what is that?”

They stop at the fence and Toto, still with his eyes closed, sways a little, gripping Christian’s hand to regain his balance. “Christian.”

“Jesus, yes.” Now that he’s looking at the flock of sheep, all huddled together and warily observing Christian and Toto at the fence, he’s not sure if this wasn’t a silly idea.

He’d come up with it when Toto had one night jokingly suggested they should get sheep.

“Sheep?” “Yeah.” “Do you know how much bloody work sheep are, darling? We can barely keep up with the animals we’ve collected so far! We’re lucky we’ve got Johnny to help us out.” Toto had just laughed and kissed his shoulder and let it go, but then, on a trip to Austria last year, Toto had told him how he’d seen a herd of very specific Austrian sheep every time he’d visited his gran in the countryside and how they reminded him of the better times of his childhood. When Christian started thinking about potential anniversary gifts, it was too perfect to just let go. He couldn’t for the life of him remember the breed Toto had mentioned, but the more he’d looked into it, the more he’d realised that while Austrian sheep are very durable and sturdy, they would probably do less well in the mellow British countryside of Oxfordshire, and so he’d decided on British breeds instead. In the end, he’d just gone for one that looked adorable and was easy enough to maintain. With the accumulation of random animals they already had running around the farm, it wouldn’t make much of a difference anyway. They wouldn’t be using them for wool farming or that, so might as well have them be nice to look at.

The longer he looks at them now, Toto impatient at his side, still holding his hand, the heavier the watch on his wrist feels. Christian isn’t one for huge gestures or anniversary gifts, but somehow things this year felt different. It hasn’t even been a year since Singapore. It still follows them around, the consequences of that day, shadowy and washed out, but he can still feel it, and so can Toto. Christian is just glad they’re still here. They made it to seven years, and beyond, and for whatever bloody reason he thought a flock of seven sheep would be ideal to celebrate an anniversary centred around wool.

“Christian, there’s water in my shoes,” Toto informs him, and Christian turns his head and grins at his city husband, still blind, the corners of his mouth tweaked down.

“That’s a shame,” he says, “You can open your eyes now.”

Toto does so immediately. He blinks, frowns up at the grey sky, rubs at his eyes with the hand that isn’t still holding Christian’s. Christian lets go to lean against the wooden fence instead.

There is a brief pause. Then, “Christian?” “Yes, darling.” “What am I looking at.” Christian turns to Toto with his eyebrows twitching. As if it wasn’t obvious. “Your anniversary gift!” Toto’s eyes go a little wider as he looks back at the flock of sheep, a huddle of white fleece and black eyes. “What?”

“I told you, your gift was waiting at home.”

“You got me… sheep?”

“Well, us, I guess. But yeah.”

“Seven sheep?”

“Well, first of all, Johnny said no less than five.” Christian is getting a little flustered now and so he blusters on in full pretentious confidence of a Formula 1 team principal defending a Max overtake that no one in good conscience should defend. “And so I wanted to get six, but then I thought, well that doesn’t make any sense, does it, when it’s our seven year anniversary and the theme I’m going with is wool. So I got seven. And they’re a family! The two little ones were only born a few weeks ago. I didn’t want to take them from their mothers.” He pulls his shoulders down a little to straighten his back and keeps looking at the sheep to avoid having to look at his husband. “Plus, you were banging on about wanting sheep.”

“You remembered that? That was ages ago.”

“So?”

“Christian.” Toto’s voice is soft in a way it only ever is when he’s about to say something disarming. “Darling. I—” And then he just wraps himself around Christian from behind, chin hooked over his shoulder and nosing Christian’s cheek. “You said they are too much work.”

“Well, you said you wanted them so—” “How do you manage to outdo me every time?” Toto’s voice is awfully quiet. “I really thought I nailed it this year.” Christian breathes a laugh, half of it in relief that he, against better judgement, didn’t mess this up. “You know I love my watch,” he tells Toto, fingers brushing the warmed leather hugging his wrist. “And this isn’t a competition. You got copper, I got wool. Sorted.”

“I can’t believe you got me sheep,” Toto says again. His voice is a little higher than usual, his accent catching on the vowels, making the words come out hitched.

“Well, look,” Christian grabs one of the large hands wrapped around his torso and covers it with his own. “It’s not just—Sure, you said you wanted sheep, but—Look, I know you’re not a farm boy, okay? You’re very much a child from the city and I know you say you love our home, but I want you to feel it, too, I want you to feel at home here and not just come along for the ride and agree to everything I say. Especially after last year, I want this place to be our sanctuary, and if it takes bloody sheep because you said you wanted them, then so be it. There’s your sheep.”

Toto’s smile widens, Christian can feel it pressed to his cheek, and he can feel the pleased little hum too, reverberating down his spine. Toto’s hold around him tightens fractionally. “I feel very at home, darling. You know that, ja? I don’t need sheep for that. Mostly I need you.”

Christian closes his eyes on a deep breath, and sinking further into Toto’s chest he says, “We can put them with the rest of the lot soon. They’ll need another few days or so, until they’re settled in, and then we can move them in with the others.”

“We’ll need a sheep dog now.”

Christian barks a laugh, lets his head thump against Toto’s shoulder in defeat. “Yeah, no, Bernie and Flav won’t do, will they? Lazy little buggers.” “It’s because you feed them at the table.” “Hey, you started that! Flav, with those puppy eyes and you just—Don’t think I don’t know you cut him up steak when I’m not looking!” Toto’s silent laughter comes in short puffs of breath against the skin of Christian’s neck. “No no no no,” he feels the need to clarify even though they both know it’s the truth. “You feed them too, don’t lie.” Christian tries to stifle a smirk. “They are a tad overweight, aren’t they?” “The vet said, last time,” Toto reminds him. “We need to work them harder, or cut out the food.” Christian hums. “It might be time for a third. A puppy will work them alright.” He coughs a laugh, already regretting this, and adds, “Might as well get a cow or two while we’re at it. Not like it matters now.”

“What are we going to call them?” Toto suddenly asks, lifting his chin from Christian’s shoulder to regard the sheep more closely.

“Well, we gotta stick to the theme.” Christian’s mouth lifts into a smirk. “So you better get creative.”

“It’s my turn, isn’t it?” Toto asks. “My sheep, my turn.” “Toto, I swear, if you’re going to name them something stupid—” “You named the donkeys and now I have to call them Max and Daniel!” Christian’s protest dissipates into thin air. “Well, it works, they’re good names.” “Yes, and now it’s my turn.” “Just remember, it’s mostly ewes. One ram, the big one, the rest is ewes, and the two lambs are one of each.” “…ewes?” “Female sheep, darling. So I want no Lewis running around, or George, or whoever you’re already thinking of.” “No,” Toto hums thoughtfully. “Lewis is a goat, not a sheep.”

It's so stupid, it has Christian crack a well-earned laugh.

And bonus (cause I couldn’t work this in):

“You know, they’re like… designer sheep.” “They’re what? Designer sheep?” “Yeah, well, look, we’re not going to use them for breeding, or wool, or meat, are we, so they’re… you know. Nice to look at. Sheep we can keep as pets, more or less. They’re still a durable breed, just. Also nice to look at.”

Toto laughs at him for an hour after that.

Here are said sheep!

“They look a little like donkeys, don’t they?” “You think?” “Ja.” “Well, they’re not, they’re sheep. Kerry Hill.” “Kerry who? Have you named them already?” “What? No, that’s the breed, darling. They’re Kerry Hill sheep. They’re from Wales.” “So basically foreigners, yes? We should give them foreign names. International.” Toto grins at him, then he adds, “We should give them German names you can’t pronounce.”

[bluecatwriter]

For that Director's Cut thing?? uhh uhh O'erthrow Me, please???

Ahaha, you want to see me suffer (ramble about embracing the eroticism of the divine), don't you??? *trying to look offended but actually just grinning like a goofball*

The fic in question: "Renfield asks Jonathan to read him some poetry."

(For anyone unaware, this is a smutfic, so keep that in mind before clicking the "Keep reading…" Also contains mention of sexual assault, Christianity, and spoilers.)

-The idea for this one came when I was rereading some published fics (as I often do), and was thinking about how I'd like to do another Jonathan/Renfield fic. I am obsessed with this ship for many reasons, especially what Jonathan and Renfield bring out in each other, and so I always have some ideas brewing in my head. The thought of Renfield asking Jonathan to read him some erotic poetry seemed like a fun idea to run with, and so the brainstorm began in earnest.

-Despite my premise, I have read very very little erotic poetry, so either I could go on a poetry-reading binge, or I could grab the first one that came to mind: "Batter My Heart, Three-Person'd God" by John Donne, which I've always been a little feral about (despite not really reading anything else Donne wrote. Fake fan, I know). It's a poem addressed to God, but it's incredibly erotic, and fit well with the themes of possession and loyalty that had showed up in my earlier Jonathan/Renfield fics. (I think I'm really into the erotic as a path to the divine as a result of 1) being raised in a branch of Christianity that just. does NOT allow eroticism in any form and, paradoxically, 2) coming of age right when the "Jesus is my boyfriend" rhetoric was really strong in evangelical circles. Learning to find God in all aspects of being human, including the erotic, has been a big deal for me the past couple decades.) I looked up some of Donne's other poems, too, to include, and it worked out really well.

-Usually my smutfics have some sort of build-up beforehand to explain how the characters end up in bed together, but in this fic (and in the previous one in the series, "Enough"), I just dive straight into the sex because this is an established relationship and I don't need to justify why they're having sex right now. (Unfortunately in this fic it's not abundantly clear that this whole thing is taking place with Mina's consent and blessing— but that's just a rule of thumb whenever I write the Harkers.)

-This was the first Jonathan/Renfield smutfic I wrote from Jonathan's perspective, but I knew I wanted to because the other ones had been in Renfield's head, and I wanted to show what Jonathan was thinking and feeling here. It also addresses the elephant in the room: in this version of events, Jonathan has been sexually assaulted by Dracula repeatedly in the past, and so having sex with a different intense old man is going to dredge up some memories. I got the chance to delve into that in this fic, showing how this is a healing experience for him.

-Then we get the Sexy Poetry Reading! Again, I bring up an intentional parallel to abuse that Jonathan suffered in the past, showing how even something simple like someone asking him to read can dredge up feelings.

-Figuring out the logistical details of the physical description vs. the spoken lines took quite a bit of shuffling; I was arranging and rearranging stuff a bunch up until the very last draft. But I'm happy with how the sequence turned out in the end.

-Plus the lines in the poem fit really well with a narrative that has emerged from shipping these two. ""Yet dearly I love you, and would be lov'd fain/But am betroth'd unto your enemy/Divorce me, untie or break that knot again/Take me to you, imprison me…" Again, brings up a lot of the themes that I'd been exploring earlier in the Jonathan/Renfield series, and fit together even better than I expected.

Thanks so much for the ask! :D

(Ask game here)

[elderberries-and-honey]

hey idk if youve answered this but whats ur writing process like? im think of doing a story like decades challenge but ive never anything outside of gameplay really. also how far in advance do you plan is it like this gen or gens in the future? sorry for rambling

Hello! First, you don't ever have to apologize for rambling to me; I love a good ramble! And second, if you're wanting to do the decades challenge, I suggest going for it! It has really helped me find a medium to channel my love for writing and learn history along the way.

To answer your second question of how far in advance I plan, I do plan multiple generations at once. I have a basic outline from 1890 to the mid 1920's already planned out, and this includes Ozzy, Atticus and future children and most of the side characters as well like Beth, Millie and Valerie.

As for my process, it's a little more in-depth and I use a website called Milanote for note taking and tracking birthdays and Google Docs for a bigger spreadsheet and writing the story.

Sometimes I have the full scene already written out in advance, but most of the time, it will be few sentences to get the juices flowing or something I wrote down at a different time. I write small things all the time, like little pieces of dialogue, or a good prose that I don't want to forget.

I personally need to see what the scene will look like before I write it out. Mostly because if I write something, and then can't find a pose for it, I get frustrated. So I shoot the scene first, edit the photos, put them into a Tumblr draft, and then finish the writing with the photos there for me to look at. Lately, I've been taking a few photos and then the rest of the scene comes to me while I'm shooting, so I stop taking photos and write it down before I forget.

Anyway, once all the photos are taken and the first draft is finished, I copy and paste what I've just written into my Google Docs. From there, I let it do it's grammar / spell check thing (mostly because I have it set to British-English so I want to catch American spellings of things and change them for me), reread it and put it back into the draft on Tumblr.

After that, I read the scene outloud back to myself. This helps me catch any weird grammar errors that the computer missed, or any repetitive use of a word & then I replace them (I have an extension that looks for synonms for me). I also just feel reading it outloud back to yourself, helps you read it like it's a story vs you just like...saying what's happening, if that makes sense? Like if I'm finding myself bored just by saying it outloud, it will probably be boring to read.

I do this multiple times over before I decide I'm satisfied, and I usually do it one more time before I publish the post. After I like what I've written, I copy and paste that back into my Google Doc because I consider this "my hard copy".

There is also a lot more organization that goes into it than just this, so if you want to know how I organize things, I'd be happy to explain that as well. It's a lot of spreadsheets and notetaking, but you don't have to do that if you don't want to.

And, this is just what works for me, I can't stress that enough! Other people write the scene before they shoot, and that's perfectly fine too. My process has changed overtime and it's taken a bit of trial and error, but this is just what feels the most natural for me.

I hope this helps somewhat and isn't too overwhelming. You can always do more gameplay than writing if that's what works for you, or build a story with gameplay. So don't let this scare or intimidate you! Either way, good luck with your decades challenge!

[popcornforone]

The Speed of Silence

Mr Ben Fan Fic

I didn’t plan on going back to Mr Ben for a while. The SNL hype had dropped & I was in deep writing some other drafts I had on going. & then @alwaysdjarin tagged me in someone’s twitter post going write a scenario based on a certain idea a moot had. Here I am 12 days later publishing it.

I don’t like to big up my work but there’s a paragraph in here that I wrote & when I reread it I was like damn I wrote that. Also yes I know the book shelf picture is Rockford but it was part of the inspiration for this, so I wanted to include it.

Synopsis: Mr Ben is rumoured every year to be dating the popular girls at university, so why would he ever look at you. But then a few chance meeting & a late night study session in the library, make you both think about making those rumours true.

Word count: 5,700

Warnings: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18!college professors student relationship (but you are not his student) protected PIV sex, public sex, swearing, pining, unrequited love, choking & muffling, rough, teasing flirting kissing. Eventual established relationship.

All feed back as always is welcome peoples… thanks for the read. It’s really appreciated

10pm the clocks slowly tocks past, headphones on, another coffee poured, in the university library trying to write you appendix for your art portfolio your handing in tomorrow. You knew when you looked all these artists & photographers up for inspiration you should have written down who inspired you. But no it’s now 10pm & you’re missing 8 references to submit along with your sight & sound presentation.

You know full well you don’t need the references though. Your photographs you have of traffic moving at night almost leaping out the page at you & your puddle reflection of what life should be like in the city instead for he chaos it is, speak for themselves. No matter who walks past your screen at the moment even if they don’t do the subject for your degree, just stops & does a double take. Your creation is the talk of the university be it pupils & staff or teaches.

But there’s one who’s taken a particular interest. He not your teacher. He teaches Philosophy about 5 class rooms away but he shares an office with your art & photography professor Jane. You are often popping in the office to book additional time or ask to use the larger printer. It was once when you were waiting for Jane to bring some resources back that he came in & started a conversation with you.

“So your little miss photoshop?” He says as he saw you waiting for her to return. “That I am professor, Jane has just gone to get something for me that I don’t have the funds to print off, I’ll be out of your office in 5minutes.” “Ooooh no…” he says with a slight smirk as he pops his bag on the back of the door “I’ve heard so much about this art, I want to see it what makes it so special, why is yours the talk of the campus”. He adjusts his large framed dark glasses. LIt’s nothing really I…” “you can’t say that without letting me judge it, please•”he waves a hand as he pours his coffee & casually leans against the back wall “I’m most intrigued”.

His eyes sparkle at you. You’re not sure there’s a brown rich enough to ever try & replicate those on any art software, they are unforgettable once you’ve made eye contact. Which you just have. It’s for all of a passing second but you’re lost, so so lost in them. You’re never getting out of this trance ever. He must see you blush as he very quickly moves away from leaning & fidgets. You go to your carry folder & produce 4 drafts of your work in progress, about The Speed of Silence & start to explain what it means & why you’ve done it. He stands there nodding hanging on every word you say agreeing & asking your different techniques. He really in engaged in your art & is mesmerised by it, like you with him.

He lowers his hand to ask a question & your hand brushed over his sending chills down your spine, it’s just the slightest feather touch but it’s enough to make you want more. He then takes his hand & rests it on top of yours. You both freeze & gulp, both unsure what to do next. “Professor i…” “shhhh it’s okay I think we…” he’s edged in your personal space, his head slowly drawing close to you, when You both hear the door click & Jane humming to herself so you break the look & return to showing him your art. “Ahhh here you are my sweet, sorry the lift was broken that’s why it took a while. Oooh Ben you’re here. Help me sort these out for her so she can take what she needs” & I pause in a fluster. My breath caught in my throat, my palms sweating instantly. This isn’t just some professor, this is Mr Ben!

Mr Ben every year at university, there is a rumour he’s dating a popular blonde student. It’s kind of mythology, & he goes along with the joke & plays up to it. But no one has ever actually seen him with a partner inside or outside of campus. If he is dating the blonde from the football team as she claims he is, or the brunet from drama he’s hiding it well. He’s not dating Jane, you all met her wife on the field trip to the Andy Warhol museum. But here you are standing in Bens shared office having just had a genuine moment with the man most men & women on campus would give an arm to do… & you did it without even realising.

You’re snapped out of your trance by the voice of Jane eventually “just because your art works at so many rates per second, doesnt mean you can slow down & daydreaming to” “sorry miss I just had a random though & my mind wondered” “maybe if you’ve got a wandering mind, you should sit in on a philosophy class?” Ben asks with a smile on his face that makes you feel weak. He’s biting his pencil & looking at you suggestively “…I…I… I really should get going” you sigh once you’ve taken what you need from Jane & your portfolio is back into your art folder. “It was lovely to meet you professor…” “it’s Mr Ben but please just call me Ben” he extends his hand which you take & shake. Large & firm & also just the right feel to it. It’s only once you get back to your room that you realise in your art portfolio & resources, that Ben had slipped his business card in there, with his office number & email.

You didn’t email him for 2 weeks & you actively asked Jane in her classes for supplies or support. You wanted to avoid Ben for as long as you could, hoping you had dreamed up the meeting & the stolen moments you had shared. He had filled your dreams since that precious glance & you didn’t want to fall further under his charm. Avoiding him you thought would help but it’s just made it worse. However fate lead to your paths crossing, not at campus but at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. You were in the gift shop looking at post cards scanning for ideas for your silent part of your art, when he walked past & turned back almost doing a double take as he went to leave”miss photoshop what a pleasant surprise, what brings you to the met on this wet winter afternoon?” He leans next to the display as he engages in conversation with you. His coat looks warm & cozy even if a little damp due to the rain, but his hair is in pristine place & his glasses are either missing or replaced with contacts making those eyes even larger “I need something for the silence part of my project sir, but I’m having a hard time picking it, so I came to watch people look at art in silence to see if that gave me inspiration but it hasn’t”

“That’s a shame” he says “let me buy you a coffee & we can people watch together if you want” “I’m sorry what professor?” You say in shock “it’s just Ben,” he offers his hand “I encourage all my students at least once a month to go people watch & come up with pretend story’s for who people might be that walk past them, it’s like a window to their own soul as they try to guess others.” “Did you just quote Man Ray?” You ask “because then I’ll take you up on that coffee & we can talk art & photography while we people watch.” The smile on Bens face is infectious. Gone is that moody professor who people gossip about. The person in front of you now is a man & clearly at least a friend, you both have a connection with the other. “I’m happy to talk art & people watch, it would be an honour.”

You start off people watching in silence sipping coffee unsure what to say to each other or about the people. The tension is palpable. & then someone with a Star Wars bag walks past you & you ask Ben “rebel, sith or jedi?” & that’s all it takes. For the next hour you both sit there talking about where all these people are going & what’s happening with their lives, sipping coffee & laughing. It’s only when his phone rings & it’s on loud that people shhh you both & he answers it. “Sorry, I have to go” he says. “But this has been fun, much better to sit here & talk with someone else & people watch than do it on your own” he says as he stands & you notice how tall & long he is. “thank you for the coffee Ben, as much as this was fun, it didn’t provide the spark I need for the silence I need for my project.” “Maybe inspiration will hit you a different way.” He replied & grabs your hands to help you up, almost pulling you into his chest. You can feel as your hand is wrapped around his wrist that his pulse has spiked. You both stand in silence for a few minutes & then shuffle awkwardly unsure what to both do next. At the end of the day you might not be his student but he’s still a professor at your college. You, against everything your body & heart are screaming out for more, decide not to act on your own needs & wants.

You both head outside the museum & it’s still raining. “Do you want to share a cab?” Ben asks in a friendly way “thanks Ben but I’m off to a friends now, i’ll get the subway but I’m sure we will bump back into each other soon” you blush trying to hide his affect on you. “Have it your way I’ll see you soon, I hope you work out your project” he waves a friendly good bye & goes to get in the taxi but he’s still distracted by your big smile & doesn’t see where he puts his foot. “bollocks” Ben shouts. He stepped in a deep puddle before shrugging at you & then gets into the taxi which speeds off. But in that reflection you see in the puddle from the ripples, the grey sky & lights of the city reflect back to you. The madness of the city being so calm & reflective in one tiny puddle. Ben has given you the inspiration for the other half of your project without even trying.

You don’t go to your friends, you head straight for the high line, one of your favourite places in New York & you start taking picture of the rain falling, the puddles forming & slow silent reflections gleaming back at you. It’s almost to perfect the mixture of architecture, nature & photography. It’s too good to be true. You don’t care that you are drenched to the bone & will be sick for 3 days in the next week, this is the perfect calming yang to your traffics ying. It going to look phenomenal.

You have every week since then gone to a different museum to see if Ben is there to people watch with, & you’ve also been popping into the office to discus your art with Jane, talking to Ben a few times. You’ve not yet told him he’s part of your inspiration for this, you will do before the presentation at the end of term. But you & Ben now have a close friendly relationship. He says hi when he sees you walking about & you have slight giggles & little jokes with each other. All harmless fun, but there are still moments when your eyes meet that you can’t deny to yourself, that you would like to be who the rumours are about. He always asks about your art & has asked Jane who it’s all going for you too. You hope he puts in this much dedication with his actual students.

10 days ago however your world crumbled. There was a rumour Ben was dating a student in the first year. As someone in their final year, you’ve heard all these story’s before & know they aren’t true. But you heart just feels like it’s shattered. Everything you had hoped for that you might have one day with Ben has gone. You remember this is just everyone’s fantasy & it won’t be happening to you any time soon. The student is what he’s always rumoured to go for, athletic, bit ditsy, blonde & stick thin. Not someone with blue streaks through their black hair, a squishy nose who could probably eat that girl as she’s so skinny for diner. You are heart broken from the relationship you’d secretly wanted more from, even though you hadn’t been brave enough to act on it. You bury your head into your art & try to not think about it at all.

You’ve seen Ben since this day & been nice to him, but you just feel a little lost. It is just a fantasy, everyone wants for Mr Ben to be there’s. To have a few stolen moments but you were sure it might slightly happen to you but it hasn’t. So you’ve plowed on with & burrowed your head in your art portfolios & are now just hours away from your deadline in the library, referencing as much as you can ready to hand in your appendix in the morning. It’s only when your music pauses in your ears, that you realise someone is sat in the chair next to you, with their own cup of coffee. You can tell from the hand on your music player alone, exactly who it is.

“Ben” you say not having to whisper at 10pm, as you remove your headphones. There’s all of 8 students in here all with their own headphones in. “It’s late what are you doing here?” You ask. You’re startled but also instantly calm that he is here & he is looking so handsome. The tie he is often seen wearing isn’t on, the glasses dark frame matching his dark black shirt & his selves are rolled up. He looks at you with genuine concern & affection in hope to help you with whatever it is you are doing. “Late night study group with my second years, 6 of them just haven’t understood the last 3 essays I’ve asked them to write or read, so we did a coffee & cake night. I think 4 of them have finally got it though, I always think it helps to share the problem, no matter what it is.” Ben takes your hand, that large thumb trailing over your knuckles, what you wish you could do with that thumb. “So I was walking past & thought I’d pop in to see who was in the library this late, & who do I see…you, little miss photoshop, with your head in a pile of books & websites, not actually creating. Is everything okay?” He ask, your eyes meeting & you do everything you can to look back at your work from this handsome distraction, but he lifts his hand to the side of your face to turn you back to face him as he softly whispers “seriously, your amazing, your perfect, I’ll do anything”.

That’s all it takes. You lean in touching his face in return & tentatively take his lips with your own. He’s a-gasp, shocked at your advanced. He can feel all the butterfly’s you have felt for the last few months since you met him. You’re electrified & then you very quickly break away from your embrace & look back at your laptop & not at Ben, but you can still feel him on your lips & how he made you feel like you were going at a million miles an hour but also completely still much like your photographs. “Shit” you mumbled “Ben I…” you don’t get a chance to apologise, Ben has turned your face back towards him & is engaging in the next kiss. He’s hungry like he’s waited for this for ages, like he’s willing to break all the rules to have a few stolen moments with you but he wishes he could have more. Your of age & an adult & not his actual student, he’s not that much older than you. He wants this but he has so many conflicting things going on in his mind right now, as do you. But you are both desperate for each others touch. This kiss is the best you have ever had. No man or woman has ever made you feel this good from just one kiss.

“Sorry” he says “I just had to be sure I wasn’t dreaming”. His words come out breathy as he pants. “I should go…””No!” You shout & realise it was quite loud for a library even when there is no one really here. “Please stay, your presence calmed me when I realised it was you” Bens half way out of his chair unsure if he should sit back down or go home. He wants to stay & distract you from your appendix, In so many ways. It’s all he thought about since he met you. Those few stolen moments in his office, your little smirk at the museum, the way your hands are so expressive when you talk. He noticed every single detail & he is desperate to make a go of this. He looks in your eyes & he can see the same desire & longing being directed back to him. He has to make the choice for the both of you.

“Grab your laptop & books & come with me” he states,”there’s better wifi else where in the library, it will make attaching your appendix faster & then we can talk”. Ben goes to pick up his mug & yours & raises an eyebrow at you. You know deep down that this isn’t going to be studying, you know you’re actually going to be the girl the university gossips about & if it’s true or not. “Okay Ben, I’m almost there though I’ve got 8more…” But Bens hand doesn’t go for your mug & you are interrupted. His large hand strokes across your chin before his thumb that you have often wondered what it would feel like, traces over your lips. You gasp & instantly become aroused. It’s so flat & soft & it make you want to suck it & beg for some of his other fingers else where. “Ben” you moan as his hand moves away. You hit save & collect you items putting them in your 2 bags & grab his hand, while making sure no one is watching you sneak off with a professor.

Ben doesn’t even check, he wants you & he needs you. The second your hand entwines with his, he is off at a speed your art is. He take you to the back of the library which is dimly lit & is where all the media & art books are. “Oooh you actually wanted to help Ben, I didn’t realise.” You feel a little flat thinking Ben has no intention of doing anything other than be a professor at this moment. But the second both your bags are on the table between the two rows of bookshelves, Ben is hoovering over you. Eyes filled with desire, his breathing is short, & you can feel his wanting of you radiating from every inch of his body. He doesn’t need to say a word. You cup his face & kiss him deeply as he pushes you against a chair at the table. Those large hands of his, twisting your hair, before one moves down your back to rest just on your waist, so you can be pushed further into him. You never want to break this kiss. The way your body is responding to his, is magnetic. The way you moan & groan just from a simple deep kiss, one filled with all the lustful dreams you have ever had about Ben, just taking over your mouth & making you want more. You know you’re aroused, your pleasure is screaming for him to touch you even more. Ben is also trying so hard not to just cum in his trouser right now, he needs you to relieve his own pressure as he grows harder.

“I don’t know what happening” you eventually mumble as he starts to kiss your neck “but I’m happy it is” you both say at the same time & then both have a little giggle before his eyes meet yours again. “If you’re not comfortable with this…” Ben starts but you squeeze his arse through jeans which makes him yelp. “So we did have a moment when we first met then?” You ask him “oooh yes & I’ve been trying to work out since that moment if I would be in trouble for asking you on a date, your not my student, I’ve never asked any student out before or even kissed them, even if they have since left” this makes your heart flutter. All the myths about Ben are false, he’s squeaky clean & is a moral teacher to be looked up to. No affairs with any students at all, & then you remember why he’s saying this all to you. You’re about to become his exception to the rule & you really don’t care. You’re going to be the hearsay.

“Well technically we have been on a date at the museum…” “that doesn’t count” Ben replies “& for half of it we sat there in silence & it was a chance meeting” he lowers his head to whisper in your ear seductively “however if you’d have got in my taxi, it might have been another story” he peppers kisses down your neck “no it was destiny for your to leave without me. Where did you think I got my reflection art idea from Ben?” He pauses his kisses for 2 seconds as he goes “really?” Your shy nod through your blushes are as hot as the next kiss he gives you. It’s so powerful that he pushes you into the book case, which creaks. “Ben” you moan at his sudden movement from the table. “This is so intense, I…I” “shhh baby shhhh” his lips are still searching for yours & your chin, as his hands move to your hips, which are desperate for friction.

“I…I…I need you Ben, I need you & im not sure my body will allow me to wait to get back to my room or your place, maybe your office or…” but you her the clink of his belt being undone as he moves a hand so it’s leaning over you holding the book case “baby, I don’t think I can make it to my office. I wish wed had this moment sooner, so I could have taken you out on a date first. I wish I had known, I wish I had” “the signs were all there Ben” you moan back at him as you undo his fly, the zip sound wrong but so erotic “are you happy you want to do this?” You ask & your hands move to your leggins & knickers to roll them down in a second “im the man, I should be asking you?” He responds in a soft tone. “Are you sure?” He asks & his face for a nano second has turned serious asking for your consent. “Yes Ben I want this, I want you” is your clear response Consenting to his pleasure as you step out of both your leggins & knickers & he reaches into his back pocket to produce a condom. “Yes baby, I promise we will do this properly another time” he rolls his jeans & briefs down to just below his knees & you see him cover his impressive length with the protection.

Ben edges closer to you & starts to raise your dress ready for a clear & swift entrance inside you. “You… you are okay with this… this isn’t your first time?” Ben asks suddenly very much aware he’s about to have sex with a student in the university’s library & not everyone has had sex before “Ben I’d have been even more hesitant if it was, & I’m on the pill” is your response. A small smirk creeps across his face before his lips lock with yours & he pushes hard against you & the shelving. He teases you slightly before he pushing inside you. You moan loudly, he’s girthy & much larger than you have had before. It pinches & pushes all the air out of your lungs. “Beeeennnnn” you growl, feeling so full & satisfied already, desperate for more movement.

Ben doesn’t say a word. He just sighs & thrusts again & you whimper. Your mouth & jaw go slack at the most relaxed but also most sexy feeling you have ever experienced in the world. He lifts your right leg to wrap it around him for a better & more enjoyable for the both of you, his hand gripping your thigh firmly. This hand then moves up your body & towards your mound with the next couple of thrusts, before his thumb, that large thumb that was trailing across your lips, flicks at your bud, you instantly clamp around his cock & moan loudly “yessss Ben” & his other hand covers your mouth “shhhh baby we don’t want to get in trouble now do we, be quiet girl & we can have some fun” & his hips really start to move.

Who’d have thought Ben was so adventurous in not only wanting to have sex with a student, but to do it at 11pm at night, not just in public but in the library where he works & you study. He has thought about you & how your body would feel for months now, when you had sex. But here he is, his length pulsing inside your core making you want to make the most erotic noises in the world, as he drills into you, with his hand over your mouth “shhhhh baby we don’t want to get in trouble do we, save the moaning for another night” he says as he movements become larger & the book case starts to creak that he’s pushed you against harder.

Crash! the first book falls from the shelf with an almighty thump from how fast he is pushing you into the unit. It’s not even a small book. It’s Hockneys complete appendix of British culture. It���s a coffee table book. So if he is thrusting that hard at this early stage, how much faster is he going to go? Your eye glances down at it but then return back to those large dark Carmel’s that are dilating with every second , every pulse & every want he has to make you feel even more of a woman than you already are. He’s so large, he’s making you gasp for every breath. He is giving this all he’s got. “I know you want to moan my love, but keep it down okay” he removed his hand from your mouth, but not before he allows you to suck his thumb. “Ben oh Ben oh baby yes” I whisper trying to not sound so needy & desperate.

He moves with an impressive rhythm. The book case creaking & the occasional book hitting the floor is louder than your collective moans & panting. You feel every thrust inside you making you want so much more. Bens lips move from your face to your neck, sucking & pecking away at it. His hand is now towering over you for balance as he goes & he breathes heavier. Such a large hand capable you now know of many naughty things you can both explore. Your own hands are digging into his hips & shoulders as you try not to scream from pleasure. “Yes Ben” are the hushed tones coming from your mouth “baby oh baby,you’re so good” he replies back. Every time he thinks you are moaning too much, he slows down slightly & he kisses you back on the lips, to remind you to stay silent. The moan he makes as he pulls away & speeds up again is louder than the noise you were previously making.

“Fuck ooh yes, so close, you feel so good…” you’ve reached the point of no return, as these breathy high pitched words leave your mouth. His hips blistering into you, he’s almost there too. He grabs you around the throat which makes you gasp & also shuts you up. It’s not firm but you did not have Ben down for doing that. “Shhh baby, we’ll get in trouble”. He mumbles as 2 more large books fall out of the shelving “don’t…care…” you just about manage to get out before your rendered speechless by the next 3 thrusts that hit the spot & you let go. Your orgasm spiralling through your body. Ben lips shhh you as you go to scream yes. You bite into his bottom lip to try & keep your cry of pleasure down. He’s sent you over the edge. Bens rhythm falls out of sink & the deep shallow growl his voice makes into your mouth, happens as he fills the condom with him own cum. Slowly he stops his movements, & eventually the books stop falling & the shelving once again becomes silent.

You wrap your arms around Bens neck as you both open your eyes which you’d both closed while cuming. His eyes less filled with passion now but still so handsome & so dark & mesmerising. Panting & sighing happening between you both. His hand cups you cheek “you have the most beautiful eyes” you eventually manage to say to Ben & a small grin covers your face in your afterglow. “No I don’t” Ben replies “yours eclipse anyone’s with beauty, they really are the window to the soul” You bring his face into yours for another deep kiss, one full of hope & wanting more than this. Your hand goes up into his hair to caress his head as you make out continues.

“We need to clean this up” Ben say when you eventually break from your embrace & he shimmy’s his briefs & trousers back on after tying off his condom. “We don’t want to piss of the library team do we” you quickly put the books back between you & make sure everything is in as a correct place as possible. “Am I really the puddle inspiration?” Ben asks inquisitively as he adjusts his glasses. The glance from your eyes of pure love tells Ben the truth without you saying a word & he walks up to you & kisses you. “So I’m guessing tonight we created our own version of The Speed of Silence?” You muster once the kiss is over, never wanting to be far apart from those lips again. “You could say that” Ben smiles.

For the next month campus is full of gossip. There are rumours that there was sex in the library & that people heard books crashing & that no one been able to find that Hockney book since, but no one’s taken it out. As someone who doesn’t usually contribute & look like they pay attention to the rumours you find all this funny & really what you want to do, is tell people how right & wrong they are. No one has worked out the it was Ben or you or the both of you. You’ve had sneaky sex since, once in his lecture room when you did sit in on a class & twice in the art supply cupboard, but he’s yet to take you on that date he promised. Maybe all the rumours about Ben being a one off passionate lover were true.

However on the night of art & photography show case, things moved. You stand there explaining to your fellow student’s, alumni & teachers about your project when you hear a voice from behind you. “Why puddles?” Ben says & you turn around & you both beam at each other “whatever caused you to think of that must have had a really deep & meaningful impact on you” “yes it did professor…” you wink at him & Ben turns red & try’s to concentrate on the rest of your talk. Moving uneasily desperate for more.

Once the group you were talking to leaves, Ben slides in behind you “congratulations little miss photoshop, you are the talk of the campus, in more ways than one” His hand slips into yours, that large thumb tracing across your knuckles. “So are you Ben” I glance up towards his face. “I wish this was something more thorough, if I’m honest” you sound a little bit down despite this being your night to shine.

“& it will be” is Bens quick response & his eyes gesture to his bag, which he opens & you gasp. He has the missing Hockey book inside it. “Should we go return this, have a repeat performance & then I can take you out for dinner?” Ben ask. Eyes wide & seductive looking into your soul, once again making everything fly past so fast in your mind but also freezes you in time. You hand trails across his chin. “Took you long enough to ask Ben” He waits for someone to walk past before he kisses your forehead, & then takes your hand. “Your art speaks for itself, let’s go now & give the campus some real gossip to talk about” & Ben leads you out of the exhibition & back to the library, for your own private viewing.

[danielfeketewrites]

Hellboy (2004)

First drafts, amirite?

As Ernest Hemingway famously said: "The first draft of anything is shit."

That's an exaggeration, of course. There are first drafts that are at least decent. There are first drafts that could be described as alright. Some writers can do it. Sometimes you just manage to mostly nail it on the first try. But it's a rare thing.

It's really weird, to read an early draft of a film you love. It's in a lot of ways like the thing you love, except... worse. Usually not a whole lot. Just a little. But definitely worse. But you can spot the bits that will be moved, removed, added, tweaked, or changed completely. And you realise that these changes are 9 times out of 10 what makes it the whole thing better.

The first time this has happened to me was probably while reading Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. It's a film I dearly love and reading the screenplay was great... except it was just a slightly worse version. (Might reread it this year for the challenge? Who knows?)

With Hellboy, the experience was maybe even a bit worse, because it's actually quite different at parts to the film I know I love.

And trust me, I love Hellboy.

I fell in love with Guillermo del Torro's two Hellboy films, then I fell in love with Mike Mignola's Hellboy comics. Both of these are very different, but I love them both so goddamn much.

But this script... clearly isn't there yet. Some parts of it are not very engagingly written, and there are some pacing issues, which I think were eventually solved. (Notice the date on the script. It's 1999. Five years before the film's release.)

Also, Hellboy is quite unlikeable in this script. And the one point where I think his dickishness is actually kinda justified, everyone starts acting like he's crossed a line. But by the time this evolves into the film, all of that is largely fixed. The remainders of Hellboy's dickishness are offset by Ron Pearlman's charisma.

And while I said a lot of this is very different, there is so much that made it to the final film: the loose adaptations of Seed of Destruction, agent Myers, Hellboy's relationship with Liz, and so much more of the stuff that makes the first Hellboy movie really enjoyable. You can see the seeds of an amazing film, it's just not finished yet.

It's also important to note how crucial Guillermo del Toro himself is to the film eventually being as good as it is. He's basically writing the roadmap for himself here, he can change the trajectory if he wants to. Eventually, his direction, the cast, and the mise-en-scène end up making the film genuinely memorable.

I love Guillermo del Toro.

And while I said that some bits of the script aren't particularly engaging, there are occasionally some great bits of raw imagery here...

"Rotting steel mills line the street like dead industrial behemoths." This line fucking slaps and you can't tell me otherwise. Raw as fuck, just hidden away in a scene description.

So yeah, there are some great bits. If you're interested in the background of the film, I can recommend it. If you just want some great Hellboy stories, go watch both of the del Toro films. Or go read the comics.

I've read the RaM script on my laptop, I've read the Hellboy script on my ebook reader.

I actually started reading it some time last year. Didn't get past the first act. For the challenge, I pushed myself a little, picked up where I left it and just read the remaining 3/4 of it.

It was ultimately worth it. I think I gained a better understanding of the film's conception and, more importantly, I learned something about first drafts and it's this: If your first draft is finished... No, it's not. Never stop striving to make something better. If you've made something and it's okay or bad or kinda good or whatever, it can always be better.

Suo Tempore.

[mistbornhero]

Hello my dear. Do you have. any book recomendations ever. I'm talking stories that would suck me in and spill me off when I finish it like I went thru a whole lifetime in a few pages. Any genres are cool.

ohhh boooks I'll try to not forget every book I've ever read now lmao

this has been in my drafts for days because I did in fact forget every book I have read. Cutting this into things I am fannish about and books I just liked in general and books I could probably be fannish about with the right incentive.

Cosmere by Brandon Sanderson

honorary mention, mostly lmao

obviously like the books just look at my username

I like the first Mistborn Trilogy best, even if the Stormlight Archive is probably technically better

It gets bonus points for being shorter and already finished

It gets extra bonus points because book one has a heist

Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells

idk if you've read this? but! robots! in space! and found family!

witty and fun

I would die for murderbot (it would roll its eyes at that)

murderbot could have killed many people, but instead it just wants to watch tv, which is a mood

I blame blackglass and her enthusiasm for podficcing every fic for everyone.

All For The Game by Nora Sakavic

gay crime sports anime book

found family!!

so like. this is not a good book, I think

but it also definitely is a fun book, kind of like. self indulgent fics where things that are objectively Too Much happen but in a fun way?

also! canon demi character!

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan

kid has magic! he must now go to magic school!

immediately falls in love with an elf girl and declares noble!guy his nemesis

he thinks this nemesis thing is mutual, but noble!guy is just very in love with him

realized he was bisexual and actually in love with noble!guy (dated elf!girl for a bit, but decided they were better off as friends)

.... would add TLT here, but I think you've read that, seen you post about it,

Not fannish about, but I could be:

The Riyria Chronicles by Michael J. Sullivan

two bros doing crime and being Good at it

fun fantasy worldbuilding

A Taste of Gold and Iron by Alexandra Rowland

fun political things!

slow burn romance

started to reread to say more but then got busy 🥲

The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner

I just love people who are really good at what they do (stealing)

Great worldbuilding

It's part of a series, but I haven't actually read past the second book because there was an event I didn't quite like at the time (not like it's bad, just. different mental space needed?)

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison

I'm in this for the worldbuilding

Should reread honestly

there's a spin-off series that I also love

Not fannish about, but I love:

Before the Coffee Gets Cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi

time travel!! cool rules for it!!!

emotional?? basically you can only meet other people who have been in the cafe, so it's usually people who go back to see the ones they were in the cafe with? so yeah, emotional

It made me cry so much

An Immense World: How Animal Senses Reveal the Hidden Realms Around Us by Ed Yong

fun animal facts!!

if you feel like Learning Things this is also pretty interesting?

Literally just spent the entire time I read it telling people fun facts about how animal senses work

this is not going to be sucking you in and spilling you out with a mess of feelings, but I liked it

[claudiajcregg]

Tell Other People About Your WIPs

make a list of all your WIPs with a brief description of each and then people can ask you questions about them and then tag other people.

Tagged by both @onekisstotakewithme and @miabicicletta 💜💜💜 Thank you, guys <3 I don't know who to tag that hasn't been tagged already. Interested? Tag, you're it! :) (Please do know that there are no set sections. Pick whatever you want. I went the deranged route.)

I have an outdated WIP list, and many others unaccounted for. This is just a selection of stuff I could see myself posting or editing/retooling to write something new. I love talking about my WIPs, about as much as I hate being perceived because they are not remotely interesting. (I also love knowing which ones people are interested in! I have an incentive to work on them!) (Instead of snippets, part of my feedback loop is sending actual rough drafts to get a sense of whether it's worth working on more.)

Multichapters, different levels of completion.

S5 Pregnancy AU. My main WIP. Can you believe I’ve had this idea for a year… almost to the day? I’ve been stuck since November bc I don’t know how I want this one to end, beyond a birth. (As I’ve mentioned in the past, I feel like this has legs to become a fluffy universe. I have ideas! Timelines!) Gist of it: CJ gets pregnant circa Zooey's kidnapping. How does it change S5? It's less angsty than you think.

Campaign bars, aka campaign conversations sometimes happened at bars in the 1998 campaign. Fun stuff. I need to pick it right back.

What Once Was Ours or the IM AU (2021), aka IM ends with a breakup. Not a WIP. Not a UFO. A secret third thing. (“Finished” but not edited, and I’m doubtful people would be interested. Probably bc of some bittersweet ~memories~ attached to it. I mean, I shared a third of it to discord and people couldn’t care less, at least after a while. Now, better IM AUs are being posted these days; I'm not in a rush.) 33 chapters. 150k words. I do reread it every once in a while, and I cannot put it down. But its 'age' takes me aback. If things had been different, I'd have posted this in H2 2021/Q1 2022 (or even the planned Q2-3 2021). But alas.

The “Almost Ready, question mark” Category

Another SVD prompt meme claim: what if CJ has the crush first. The thing is, I tend to write her as having a relatively obvious crush on him at first until something makes her wise up. So this is just some ridiculous, post-first-meeting thoughts. Most of it was written in one sitting! It kinda fits with something in the campaign bars fic, too.

Post birth, hospital story: A couple of hours after their bb girl is born. Pure fluff. Recently reworked it to make it less wordy. Still failed, but it’s better focused now.

Many ficlets – the few I did post on Tumblr that haven’t been posted to the story I’m collecting them in, plus a couple more. I'm thinking the ice skating one, Jan 22, a few post-eps I wrote last year, etc.

Ambitious Projects I don't think are happening right away (or ever), but probably have a detailed outline somewhere

(I put this up instead of last, because the next category has faves, but it's also a long one.)

Danny is back a bit earlier on s7. Toby leaks (or tries to leak? I always wavered) the shuttle to him, as he and CJ are getting closer.

Simon lives. How does his relationship with CJ evolve post-honeymoon phase? What is it like when Danny returns?

You’ve got mail AU. This outline had two ways the climax could go. I had fun.

Epistolary collab (?) fic. Probably an X + 1 fic. The only one with nothing written; don’t rule out writing it individually at some point.

And because this is so long already (but not as long as it could be)… A few more under the cut – more "I just want to make sure I like them" and "this meme reminded me I meant to pick those back up." And they are still not all. (How do you summarize seven years of writing?? I've only posted 20-something of them, lol.)

“Almost Ready (but I feel like I want to make changes to them) (might just redo them altogether)”

Haunted by the Notion, 2007 edition. My beta Ruth suggested this when she edited the other story, and I wrote it around then. It’s another Christmas dinner at Filomena, and, eight years later, things are different. I feel like it hits expected beats, and is just missing some oomph. Maybe. (As much as I do like it, half tempted to make it 2009. Or later.)

Heaven’s here…: A interrupted proposal. I’ve written many proposals over the years, and I love toying with different ideas and setups. Danny takes the lead here, but I’ve been intrigued by the idea of having CJ do the final twist.

5 to 6 am 'me' time. Another story inspired by last year’s rewatch that I wrote right at the start of it (so Jan 2023?). It has five short parts with five different years of what CJ describes in the pilot as her “me time.” This is one when I think one per year would be fun, but I don’t want to repeat myself.

One bed, “sexy” edition. An AU to a sort of AU (one of the drabbles from this summer) and… it's what it says on the tin. The world does not need to read my attempts at smut. If I didn’t put it in the previous category, it’s because I am not sure that I want to post it. (All the previous attempts are locked somewhere; unfortunately, someone loves this one and noticed when I tried to do that, lol.)

First baby kick: I remember writing this while in grad school (so, late 2017? First half of 2018) but I lost it, along other fic, when my laptop had to be reset because I used Bear to write back then, but didn’t have sync across devices. I rewrote it, and I feel like it's not the same, but still. It's sweet! Includes: Danny talking to the baby, domestic fluff, and… baby kicks!

“This meme reminded me they exist and I love them, so don't be surprised if they are posted before anything in a previous category”

(Lbr, if I added something about them in this post at all, it’s because they sparked some memory.)

Mosaic broken hearts: CJ, circa S4, jealousy. Prompted by a former fandom friend, back in my productive era (first half of 2021; before that friend just ghosted me.)

I can’t believe I captured your heart (pancake breakfast, three words and eight letters). For a while there, I edited it so much but then I fell off. iirc, it was part of some morning-related prompts I saw around that I tried to fulfill in 2018? 2019? And they had like internal progression. But this one was the best of the 3-4, and I kept tweaking it.

Green light of forgiveness (IM-ish) — there are many other IM/IM-Tomorrow snippets I’ve written over the years. I’m not sure if this one makes much sense, but I liked it enough.

Distance — I recall liking this one! Might have to bump it up. CJ is in Africa, Danny is at the Farm and sulking because they left off on some sort of argument. There is some Danny-Abbey friendship goodness here. I even have a second file that is “Distance - shorter version (it’s not)”

Danny writes fiction, shows it to CJ during her pregnancy and she’s into it. Technically written. I would probably try to take another stab at it. Third time might be the charm?

San Andreo phone call/fallout from ID. I just had the idea of CJ reaching out once things calm down. This is one of those fics I’ve written a version of every year or so, but I think there was one I liked quite a bit.

Terrible taste in men — a run-in with an OC ex of CJ. It was so dumb.

Fka Impatience - actually beta’d three years ago (by that fandom friend I've mentioned twice before… actually, three times) and “done”. I just think I’d change so much about it these days. It started being something else but ended up being a CJ-Toby friendship story in which they have lunch and catch up. But I would want to rewrite most of it now, and not just because it’s from like… 2019 (but finished in 2021).

I forgot this one initially! he's passing by, rare as the comet in my sky - 2? 3? times CJ thinks she sees Danny somewhere, and one time she does. (Which tried to work in the 'I remember shunning you' line.) I even wrote some sort of sequel later! Probably useless.

I said I would post a lightning round with fics that are either also done but not ready for me to mention them, or just… not done at all. The length of this post and how much I've spent on it is embarrassing. To give a general overview: in line with the nonsense I've been mentioning, includes phone calls at the end of S7, also a few friendship-focused fics around that time, too; present-day stuff; anniversaries; Hollis fundraisers; weddings; many ficlets, introspective thoughts, a “yes day” fic that's super sweet but needs better dares, the third memoir idea (the original one!!!!) that I had three years ago… And those are mostly the ones I had preselected, lol.

If you're interested, I can screenshoot this part in the notes app if you message me!

Anyway, this is embarrassing, and the worst part is that it's not all. fml.