#Regulus just wants to sleep | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jamesisasimp · 2 years

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Well if the good omens bartylus brainrot can't be stopped then it must be encouraged

Can you share any interaction or dialogue you can't stop thinking about?

(also, good whatever-time-it-is-in-your-timezone!)

Helloooo Ary, my dear

I hope you know what floodgates you just opened. I'm going to try to make this sound even a little bit concise and not just like a lengthy ramble, but no promises

It's going to be a mix of me gushing over Good Omens and how perfectly bartylus translates to it, so strap in ♡

First of all, Crowley. Barty. Need I say more?

Fanart credit: twosidedstarr on Instagram and Pinterest

Look at them! They're two of the same, swagalicious, out of pocket, impulsive idiots, and, I'm sorry, but Barty as the snake in the Garden of Eden?

In God's universe, Bartemius, now affectionately referred to as Barty, along with the rest of his human name, Crouch Jr. (not to be confused with Crouch Sr., who was also him, just a couple hundred years ago to be realistic), has been dealt a losing, rather shit hand. Course he is a demon, that's sort with the territory, but he was an angel once too. Doesn't really get what all the fuss was about, it was awful up there, all the white and the glass, gave him a headache.

He was never cut out for Heaven, and Hell is just depressing, and in either he's a miserable excuse for a being, either occult or ethereal, and that is why Barty, formerly Bartemius, Crouch Jr., formerly Sr., is so in love with Earth.

And then there's Aziraphale and Regulus, which is, I think, more of a reach but definitely still completely valid

Fanart credit: twosidedstarr on Instagram and Pinterest

It's important to note that Azzie here is softboi core to the bone, and Regulus is absolutely not. While I think they have a lot of the same fundamentals ideologies, like fierce loyalty, they are very different. Aziraphale wants to believe in the good will of angels only to, slowly, over time, realise how corrupt it is, and I think this parallels amazingly with Regulus's experience with Death Eaters and the Dark Side - BUT Regulus is NOT a softboi, I will not reduce him to this

Consider this analogy for further explanation

Aziraphale and Crowley:

Barty and Regulus:

Regulus can't just abandon Armageddon all together. Not because he particularly fancies being at war, but because of the opposite. He's not the coward Barty seems to think he is - he's not the one trying to run away from this. He's the one trying to fucking stop it from happening entirely, if not for his own sake then for all those innocent humans that aren't ready to be judged yet. That never asked for any of this. That are caught in the crossfire just so good and evil, whatever the fuck those even mean anymore, can figure out who's best.

Regulus has to try. If Sirius taught him anything it's that hope is worth the plunge, no matter what's waiting on the other side.

NOW why am I currently obsessed with this, may you ask? Does it have to do with David Tennant's David Tennant-ness? Yes, a lot actually. Because through him and his portrayal of Crowley, I was able to understand a version of Barty that I could see in Crowley, because I actually relate to him. Probably more than one should relate to a demon but that's the whole point of the show!

The glory and freedom, allure of humanity

It's the story of a demon and an angel that have fallen in love with humanity (and each other) and are willing to give everything up to stay together. Because, if they lose humanity, they lose the bridge over which they can be together, and when the end of the world threatens it's destruction what do they do?

Stop the end of the world, obviously

They go against everything they've been taught, everything they've been told is right and wrong and devine and instead of doing what they should they do what they want to do, which I just think is so beautiful. And opens up a lot for Regulus's character. I mean, Barty's a fallen angel soaked in corruption, he's not blind to it and escapes it in humanity, fueled by spite, whereas Regulus wants to believe he's doing the right thing, that's he's on the right side, and has only really a matter of days to understand that he's not - that there is no right side, only a wrong one. And, instead of fighting for the greater good, do you know what he fights for?

Barty. A demon. A demon that was never evil and never cruel to him, a good person deep deep down

It just suits them SO WELL in my mind

But that's not enough for Barty, of course it's not. To him, he's still just a stubborn coward that still believes in God's Plan. To Barty, he's given up on them, and he can't tell him that he'd never do that, not in another six thousand years, not in eternity if they ever even make it there.

I've written out their version of the bandstand breakup, and I WANT more than ANYTHING to write Barty saying the words "you're so clever, how can somebody as clever as you be so stupid" right to Regulus's face (for those of you that haven't seen the show, don't worry, he absolutely deserves it in the moment). I want to write Barty's collapse, his last few hours on Earth, saying goodbye to the life he loves and his best friend, his partner, his Angel, who he'll never get to be with again. His desperation to find an out, to keep his little Regulus shaped slice of heaven that he knows he doesn't deserve

I want to see Barty when he believes Regulus has gone back to heaven, just hours before the end of the world, and that he never even got to say goodbye

Skip to 2:20

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Also, come on, Barty driving through hellfire while blasting queen just to make sure he gets to the end of the world in time to stop it from, well... ending

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Then of course there's the holy water scene, Regulus breaking the rules to get Barty a thermos of it so he doesn't end up risking own life to get it in less legal ways. Giving him LITERALLY the means of his own destruction, because Regulus is the only one how can

Because, you see, the trouble with loving someone is that, in doing so, you give them a step my step guide on how to destroy you. Not with holy water or hell fire, but deep deep within. You don't even realize it, Barty certainly didn't, at least not until right now.

I also really want to explore their dynamic! Barty shares Crowley's impulsivity and energy, and he's a bit of a gambler in my mind, getting more of a thrill out of just winning for once than the actual game

"It's not like you need human money," Regulus reminds him.

"Nah," he just shrugs, shoving his hands into his British pound lined pockets. "I just enjoy the game, really. It's fun, you should try it sometime."

"Definitely not."

"And the atmosphere. Can't get that kind of an atmosphere anywhere else."

"Think a nightclub might be similar? Perhaps a pub?"

"Eh. Too much lust, not enough greed, and I get enough of that downstairs," Barty corrects and gets out his keys. "Dinner?"

Regulus, on the other hand, is more reserved and to the point. I did come up with this particular distinction between them that, if someone were talking to them and they didn't really want to talk, Regulus would stay and listen though making it clear he wasn't interested, and Barty would just say "yeah, sorry, don't really care" and be on his merry way. I also think Regulus is a bit of a foodie, in that he loves the different types of human meals and flavors and how each reflect a different culture and background. It's just the little things for Regulus, food and books. Books that allow him to travel to different worlds in which God doesn't exist and he can be anything he wants to be, not just an angel bound to the Greater Good

Also Barty is an ABSOLUTE simp

Regulus, much the same and far less likely to admit it, is in love with the fascinating world of humans too. Most particularly the food. Technically they don't need to eat, it's not a requirement, Barty only ever does it when he feels it's neccessary for appearances or when Regulus insists that he just can't go on living without at least trying a bite. Regulus, however, is a connoisseur. When he acquired his townhome in central London back in 1979, his main concern was the size and capabilities of the kitchen. For comparison, Barty doesn't think he's ever once touched the kitchen in his flat, aside from the one time Regulus asked him to store a cake in his refrigerator. He's thinking of having it refinished into another plant room.

His all time favorite is French food, after a particular excursion during the French Revolution filled with temptation, miracles, crepes, and a near mountain of baguettes. He learned quiche, creampuffs, and croque in Paris, fell in love with garlic in Italy. Spain got him hooked on chocolate and olives, and the shrimp came about from one confusing trip to Japan that Barty isn't fully certain actually happened. He also likes waffles, but that's far too American for him to admit.

So Barty takes them to Le Gavroche, which he is aware is secretly Regulus's favorite, not because the food is good, but because the restaurant itself is so flashy and sought after it takes an angelic miracle to secure them a table. He, as a higher, or technically lower being, is not limited by human languages, well versed and able to communicate in any one he chooses, but there is an unspoken agreement in which he allows Regulus to translate the menu into English for him and does not remind him that he, too, knows French.

So, in conclusion, it's not really a concrete thing it's just the entirety of them. The story of Good Omens is so good and through the lense of Barty and Regulus, who are both very different and very similar to Crowley and Aziraphale, would be just *chefs kiss*. They're two idiots choosing each other over a war and how can you not fall on your knees as to how tooth achingly sweet it is?? "Aww, Reg. You were willing to kill the antichrist for me? Little ol' me?" "Shut up."

Ary, this was very long and hardly made any sense, so I apologize, but I had the time of my life writing all of this down for you. Did I actually answer your question? I have no idea! But I definitely did something, so... tada!!

Brainrot successfully encouraged, this going to be all I can think about for the rest of the day...

#also i wanted to explore some of their sexuality too #i mean obviously they're an angel and a demon #they're agender and asexual however male presenting and completely in love with each other #less of determining labels i think barty would be attracted to it just because of the humanness of it #he loves all things human #but i don't think he's just sleeping around #i think that's something he reserves only for regulus #and i think it started after a run in with hadrian and antinous in londinium in 128 #historical mxm lovers from the time of ancient romans #and this got barty thinking naturally #it's weird because i don't want it to appear how sex usually appears #because it's much different for them #it's connecting with each other and humanity in a way they can't in any other fashion #so it's not about the details or how it's done or the end result as humans are so typically infatuated #it's just the act of doing it and knowing that's what they're doing #something so so human #that makes all the difference #anyway this was a lot #and there is a ladybug in my blinds i have to take care of #so apologies once again for all of this #but ary asked for it!#it's not my fault!!#i do hope you enjoyed this trainwreck of an explaination though ary ♡#thank you for the ask!#ary tag #♡♡♡#the brainrot prevails #bartylus #and their good omens counterparts #essay done ted talk over

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drowningregulus7 · 1 year

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Hear me out:

Sirius Black can be irrational, right? A flaw that’s slowly gotten better over time, but not completely gone. Imagine him stuck in his house, unable to visit his friends, even when his best friend’s wife is pregnant. He decides to drink his stress away, taking his motor bike to the nearest club he can find. He drinks, and drinks, and drinks, but no one knows he’s gone. He gets even worse while he’s drunk, and he wakes up in someone else’s bed. A woman’s. He gives her his address and a letter, in a friendly way, because he’s not an asshole who just leaves without any warning after an.. eventful night. Two weeks later he gets a letter.

She’s pregnant.

Of course, he wants the kid. They both have no romantic attraction towards each other, but there’s certainly enough milk that he doesn’t have to go and buy more. He’s over the moon, writing letters to James, Remus, and Peter alike. Strangely, Remus isn’t as excited. (I wonder why.. hmm..) After a few months, things are getting worse. Muggles dying everywhere, wizards going missing, it’s scary.

Then, the mother of his child bursts into his house.

“Sirius- I think- I need- please-” she blurts out, sobbing. Sirius immediately takes her to St. Mungos. He’s in a bad way, restless energy taking over him. It’s too early, will the baby be okay? Will she? All these thoughts run through his head, and then he turns to see James. James, with Lily, who is obviously in pain. Sirius looks at his best friend, James looks back with a bewildered expression.

“Are you.. is..”

“The same day? The SAME day?! They’ll be like twins!”

James is ecstatic, Sirius is a worried mess. He paces around the room, and a healer gestures for him to come over.

“I’m pleased to say that the baby is quite healthy, despite his early birth.. but, unfortunately, his mother-”

-and Sirius falls to his knees. This is his fault. Why did he leave the house? Why can’t he just control himself? Why did he accept her choice to have the baby? He didn’t love her, not romantically, at least. Why, why, why-

“Sir? Sir, please calm down..”

Sirius is so distraught he can’t even cry. He gives money to the woman’s family for the funeral, goes to Lily to visit her, to see if she’s okay. But she’s with her newborn son, with James, who is happily rambling about how cute he is. A part of him is jealous. But he’s happy for them all the same, and even happier when he’s announced Harry James Potter’s godfather. That’s when he makes his decision.

He storms to St. Mungos, demanding to see the young healer who had delivered the news that made his world fall apart at the seams. He slams a quill on the table, his eyes filled with tears

“I want my son. I want him. I’m raising him. Who in the name of Merlin’s beard gives a shit about whether I’m a woman or not? He’s my child, mine, I’m taking him home.”

And so he does. He holds the newborn carefully, looking down at him with pure love. How can anything be so small? He never really held a baby before, unless you counted the time when Regulus was born and Sirius was a curious toddler, he still has the picture. He watches as his son raises a tiny hand, and Sirius takes it in two of his fingers.(p

“Regulus..” he whispers, biting his lip. Regulus, who was foolish enough to believe his family. Regulus, who he hadn’t spoken to since he got sorted. Regulus, who never came back to him.

“I’ll take care of you better than I took care of him, I swear.”

And so, Regulus Black Jr is taken home.

Sirius has a ton of help from Lily, he names Remus godfather, Lily godmother. Regulus and Harry get along as well as babies can do, and Sirius is livid that they can’t spend their first birthday together. Nevertheless, Remus and Sirius enjoy themselves as little regulus somehow makes a mess of the cake. Remus offers to stay the night, which was probably for the best, since Regulus was on a sugar high until 2 in the morning. Sirius cries a little about Regulus’s mother, he took regulus to her grave. Even if he had no clue what was going on, it felt right for Sirius to take him. Remus, being the best friend (sure.. friend..) he is, comforted him. They then fell asleep on the sofa, at around 4 in the morning.

He hears the news about James, about Lily, about his godson. He drops regulus off at Remus’s, getting on his motor bike and speeding to find Peter. First he lost his son’s mother, now his godmother and uncle? Sirius’s best friend? His best friend’s son? Hagrid refuses to hand over his godson.. how dare he? How dare he?! Who cares about Dumbledore? Dumbledore’s the one who couldn’t protect Lily and James! He wipes the hot tears streaming down his face, then practically pounces the second he lays eyes on Peter.

I think you know the rest.

Remus finds himself fighting for his right to keep regulus, as his godfather. Sirius, a traitor? He was a father, he couldn’t, surely.. That doesn’t mean his child deserves to be punished too. He’s still fighting his case, over the years, but regulus is in his custody while he’s doing so.

Fast forward ten years. Regulus is the spitting image of his father, except with soft brown hair. It makes Remus cry sometimes, he does his best to hide it, not that he’s good at it. Regulus also acts very much like his father, a social butterfly with an unfortunate habit of attracting trouble. Or being the trouble.

“Reg, stop running! And push your own trolley, I’m not doing it for you.”

“But Pa, the train leaves at eleven! It’s on platform 9 and 3/4, right? All I have to do is run through there! The trolley will slow me down!”

Harry overhears this conversation, edging to Remus and poking his arm

“Excuse me, sir.. I don’t know.. how..”

Remus jumps. Suddenly, he’s eleven years old again, seeing James Potter with his hair sticking out from the back. Except this time he’s nervous, fragile, a little scared, with a lightning scar on his forehead. He wants to cry and hug the young boy, but he stops himself. A conversation for another day, another time, another place.

“To get on the platform? Don’t worry, cub, it’s regulus’s first day too.” he mentally slaps himself. Cub? Why’d he say that? He hasn’t called Harry that in ten years, he hasn’t seen Harry in ten years.

“Yeah! It is! C’mon, I’ll show you!” regulus takes Harry’s hand, and runs straight at the barrier, dragging the green eyed boy. Harry’s practically screaming.

“There- There’s a wall! Are you MAD? THERE’S A WA-” Harry closes his eyes, preparing to feel extreme pain. But he doesn’t. He hears regulus laugh, and lets go of his hand as he slowly opens his eyes. It’s the Hogwarts Express, platform 9 and 3/4. In the end, Remus did push Regulus’s trolley, he also pushed Harry’s.

Harry and Regulus rush to the train, finding an empty compartment. Regulus rambles about houses, and quidditch, and magic in general. Harry is amazed. Then Ron Weasley peeks in, asking if he can join them. Regulus agrees, Harry just nods nervously.

“I’m Ron, Ron Weasley.”

“Regulus Black! Junior, that is.”

“Uh.. Harry. Harry Potter.”

Regulus jaw drops, looking from Ron to Harry.

“WHAT? You said Harry, you didn’t say POTTER! Why didn’t pa tell me? He saw you too! Do you have the scar? Can I see? I mean, only if you want, it was probably super scary, right? Can you remember it?” he starts bombarding Harry with questions, and he does get answers.

A few hours later, they’re munching on chocolate frogs, fizzing whizz bees and pumpkin pasties. A girl with bushy brown hair and rather large front teeth pokes in, her Hogwarts robes already on.

You get the drill.

So, imagine this.

Harry Potter, staring at Hermione Granger curiously. Ronald Weasley and Regulus Black Jr sharing bewildered expressions.

The Marauders Jr.

#harry potter #writing #sirius orion black #james potter #regulus black #lily evans #wolfstar #i just want to sleep #i need sleep #idk what im doing #first post

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my-castles-crumbling · 3 months

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limb - @jegulus-microfic - word count: 252

“You’re breathtaking,” James mumbled adoringly, staring into Regulus’s eyes as they cuddled together in his bed. Though their limbs were tangled together, the moment was purely innocent. All he wanted was to stare, to take in the vision in front of him, to revel in the moment as their foreheads touched and Regulus’s eyelid fluttered closed in obvious happiness, a rare smile flitting across his face.

The smaller boy sighed contentedly, pulling James closer, and he felt as though they were the only two people in the world. Like they were in a bubble, protected from outside eyes and evil forces. Just them. Sharing this moment. Safe. Together.

“You’re too good to be true,” Regulus mumbled back, eyes still closed, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. But there was a hint of longing there. As if he truly thought he would wake up and James would be gone.

And James couldn't have that. “You’re so loved, Reggie. Never forget it,” he breathed, kissing him back, tracing a hand along his jaw, hoping to communicate even an ounce of the way he felt for the other boy.

Regulus smiled. “You’re-”

“You’re sharing a dorm, you perverts!” Sirius’s voice yelled from outside the curtains, making both boys jump. “Go find someplace else to be disgustingly cute! I need to sleep!”

“Alright,” James yelled, turning away from Regulus’s scowl just for a moment. “But only if you can tell me you’re not in Remus’s bed right now!”

The silence spoke volumes, and nobody moved.

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ellecdc · 2 days

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About the onde bed trope… since there aren’t a lot of those, I was wondering if you could write one with reader and wolfstar? Maybe a smut or just something fluff

hi babes! so I got this request right after someone had asked for recommendations for one-bed tropes, which I had only ever read one and shared it. SO, I wanted to remind everyone of the cute wolfstar x reader one bed fic I read by @longlivedelusion, and know that while I'm happy to contribute to this super fun trope with our lovely wolfstar, that it was more than likely inspired by their awesome work linked above!

poly!wolfstar x Potter!reader who have to share a bed [2.8k words]

CW: mutual pining, feelings of 3rd wheeling, fluff, potter family

The hotel was bustling with what appeared to be just as many staff as there were patrons waiting in the lobby.

Bags were being whisked away, key cards were being handed to waiting hands, and nearly every second person was wearing a Manchester United jersey.

James was positively giddy and practically vibrating with excitement, Lily and Regulus had their faces shoved into Lily’s phone as they (re)read the itinerary they had planned for James’ birthday trip, Remus arched his shoulders as he let his duffle fall to the ground and Sirius murmured promises of a back massage when they got to their room, and you people watched.

Your parents had given James (and all of his friends) tickets to the Manchester home game and a few nights stay at a posh hotel close to the stadium.

Lily and Regulus, being James’ dutiful partners, planned other things for the lot of you to do while you were here, too.

Right now, however, you wanted nothing more than to get to your room, take a shower to wash the train off of your being, and go to sleep.

Mercifully the check in counter cleared and your group stepped up to the waiting concierge.

“Hi there! We’re checking in for Potter; group of six.” Lily offered primly as she handed the man a copy of the booking number.

“Right! Okay, so Potter, two rooms, each with a king, for three nights.” The man read from the screen, looking over in concern when six varied protests sounded from the group.

“No, I’m quite sure it’s meant to be three rooms.” Lily corrected quickly, offering you a worried glance before she nearly leaned over the welcome desk to peer at the computer monitor as if she was ready to take over for the concierge.

The man hummed as he continued tapping keys and clicking his mouse and scrolling and please for the love of God don’t let there be a mix up.

It was going to be you that was the problem; not Lily and Regulus who were counting on a romantic trip to celebrate their boyfriend, and not Remus and Sirius with their long-established relationship and promises of Remus’ massage.

“The booking is only showing two rooms, uhm, let me just confirm with my manager that I’m not missing anything.” He bumbled awkwardly before standing and all but fleeing from the group of you.

“It’s probably just a mistake.” James offered quickly as he jostled your shoulder. “With this many people here, the system is probably just lagging.”

But it wasn’t just a mistake and the system wasn’t just lagging and there was very much only two rooms booked under Potter.

“Is there any way we can book a third room? It can go on the same card.” You asked meekly, nervously glancing between the manager and the computer.

“Unfortunately, the hotel is entirely booked.” She offered you with a pained smile, and just from your survey of the lobby while you’d been waiting in line, you knew that had to be true.

“Do you have any cots we could have sent up to the rooms?” Lily asked hopefully, earning another grimace from the manager which was all the response you needed.

You could feel the group looking at you awkwardly and you immediately regretted even coming; you should have just left James to celebrate his birthday with his partners and best friends and stayed out of it, but instead, you were the troublesome younger sibling who your parents forced the group to bring along. Maybe you could catch a train back home? Maybe you could catch a train a town or two over and just have your own mini vacation and leave them to their celebrations.

“Don’t worry, bug!” James said as he rubbed your arm roughly before reaching over you to grab the keys to the two rooms from the concierge who was clearly now only waiting for the lot of you to bugger off so he could help the people behind you. “We’ll make this work.”

“You shouldn’t have to make it work, Jamie.” You moaned as your group moved to stand against a wall across the lobby as you all tried to problem solve this.

“Both rooms have just one bed each, right? Do either of them have a sofa?” Regulus asked first.

“The pictures online didn’t look like it; the rooms had the bed, one grandfather chair, and a desk with a rolling desk chair.” Lily responded.

“Okay, well, both rooms have king sized beds, we can share.” Sirius offered simply, causing you to nearly whimper.

“I’m not going to impose on anyone’s beds.” You murmured as you stared resolutely at your feet.

“You can share with me! It’ll be like the old days when we’d have a “sleepover” in the living room!” James offered excitedly, and you had to hand it to him for his sense of adventure and enthusiasm, but you couldn’t help but notice the quick glance Lily and Regulus shared.

“It’s your birthday weekend, Jamie, you should get to spend it with your partners.”

“Okayyyy, uhm, what about the girls room together and boys room together?” He offered instead, causing Lily to furrow her brows at him.

“But then two of us will be sharing while four of you will be sharing.” She countered, followed up quickly by Regulus who stated he would not, under any circumstances, be sharing a bed with his brother.

“No, you’re right, erm, well… Me, Pads, and Moony could share-”

“James, I love you, but you’re terrible at this.” Sirius interrupted before turning his gaze to you. “You should just stay with me and Moons; leave these three to their…canoodling.” He said around a theatrical gag.

“You guys were probably looking forward to a romantic stay too.” You muttered somewhat petulantly, and that was what nearly brought you to the brink of tears.

Not that you were the figurative sixth wheel, not that you were left without a room and imposing on two relationships, and not even that you felt particularly out of place.

No, the thing that nearly brought you to tears was the fact that you were acting so petulant on your brother's birthday which he had been so incredibly excited for.

You would not ruin this for him, for any of them.

“No, you know what, sorry, you’re right, Sirius. I’ll pile the extra bedding they keep in the closets and make myself a little nest on the floor, it’ll be like camping!” You decided, pasting on the widest smile you could muster.

You swore you saw Sirius’ face fall slightly but powered on when James was back to clapping his hands together excitedly. “Brilliant! This will be so fun, and so worth it, bug. Don’t you worry.”

And you were worried, but he didn’t need to know that.

ʚ ═══·୨ ꕤ ୧·═══ ɞ

“You’re not actually going to sleep on the floor, right doll?” Sirius asked after the hotel door shut with a click behind him as he glanced around the room.

It was perhaps a bit tight, but if you set up your little nest underneath the window, neither boy should trip over you in the middle of the night should they need to use the loo.

“Oh it’ll be fine.” You offered in what you hoped was convincing nonchalance.

“I really think the bed is big enough, dove. And Sirius usually latches onto me in the night so you shouldn’t even notice we’re there.” Remus offered gently, watching as you flung the closet doors open to procure the extra bedding.

“S’not my fault, moons.” Sirius countered as he trailed right on your heels to where you were trying to make your ‘nest’. “You keep the thermostat so sodding low, I’d simply freeze to death if you didn’t share your body heat.”

He ignored your indignant “oi!” as he immediately plucked your pillows and blankets off the floor from where you’d placed them and moved them to the end of the bed. “And, I think you do that on purpose; you like cuddling.” He continued, gently swatting at your hands as you tried to reclaim your makeshift bed.

“Oh, I love cuddling.” Remus agreed readily, clearly ignoring the fact that you and Sirius were currently in a petty squabble over linens. “What I don’t like is being jolted awake to your ice cold feet being shoved under my thighs at three o'clock in the morning- dove.” He gave you a pointed look with one arched eyebrow as you huffed petulantly and crossed your arms.

“You are not sleeping on the floor, doll. Your parents paid for the sodding rooms.” Sirius claimed resolutely.

“They were meant to pay for three rooms so that you two would have some privacy.” You argued.

“You’re really the only one upset about this, babes.” He stated, face softening when you nervously pulled your lip between your teeth. “If you’re worried about space, I’ll take the floor.”

“I don’t want you to take the floor.”

“Then I’ll take-” Remus started, but was interrupted when both you and Sirius spat “you’re not sleeping on the floor, Remus” and “like fuck you’re sleeping on the floor, don’t be ridiculous”, respectively.

“So those are your choices, sweetheart; I take the floor or we share the bed.”

After this many years of knowing each other, you knew when Sirius was bluffing, and you knew when it was better to fold; with the no nonsense look that currently adorned his face, you knew that those were, indeed, your only options.

You looked over at the bed wearily; it really was quite large…and you could use your own blanket so that you weren’t encroaching on their space or stealing their blankets.

The problem was that the bed wasn’t the only problem. It also was very much the fact that you were pretty well completely gone for two of your brothers best friends.

Two of your brothers best friends who were very much dating each other.

Two of your brothers best friends who were dating each other that you were completely gone for and now forced to share a bed with them.

Awesome.

ʚ ═══·୨ ꕤ ୧·═══ ɞ

Sirius just about died when you stepped out of the bathroom with wet hair leaving damp patches on your sleep shirt and your legs on full display thanks to the matching shorts.

He just about died again when you caught him staring at you.

He nearly died a third time when Remus’ pointed clearing of his throat was what finally broke him from the trance you had on him; both he and Remus now red in the face while you looked to be fairing little better as you hid behind your wet hair and fussed with your toiletries instead of looking at either of them.

Sirius felt horribly pathetic - years of living with the Potter’s did absolutely nothing to dim the flame he held for you, nor did the physical space that living with Remus in their own flat for the past few years offered him.

The only thing that made his infatuation slightly less embarrassing was the fact that Remus held a similar flame for you, too.

So while this was sort of everything he’d ever wanted - spending the night in a bed with two people he was absolutely crazy about - he was equally afraid of making you horribly uncomfortable.

“Smooth.” Remus muttered as he came up behind Sirius only after you’d gone back into the bathroom to brush your teeth.

Sirius wanted to turn and sneer at his boyfriend. “I know I am” danced on the tip of his tongue; his usual suave blaseness in all its glory rearing its head at the insinuation that Sirius was anything but a certified charmer.

But all that managed to leave Sirius’ lips was a breathy “fuck” as he stared decisively at the space you’d been standing previously.

But before Sirius could spend any (more) time spiralling or Remus could offer words of encouragement (or commiseration), you were tentatively sliding into what the three of you had agreed would be your side.

Your side.

The sentiment made Sirius stomach dip; after all these years he was finally getting a taste of what he’d always wanted.

Yet it wasn’t enough.

The lights were off and Sirius’ back was pressed into Remus’ chest as they both watched the steady rise and fall of your shoulders as you slept. They’d both felt so tired on the train ride here, yet neither of them could bring themselves to close their eyes when the alternative was getting to see you rest in their bed.

“Is this really happening?” Remus whispered quietly then, causing Sirius to snuggle impossibly further into him.

“Feels like a dream.” Sirius whispered back; his hand itching to reach out and twirl a lock of your drying hair around his finger, to encourage you to roll over so that they could see your pretty face, to pull you into him and hold you close.

Remus tightened his hold around Sirius and pushed his nose into his shoulder. “We should tell her; need to tell her… this weekend.”

Sirius shook his head, but it wasn’t in disagreement. Rather, it was in exasperation.

“I can’t believe she can’t tell how crazy we are about her.”

And Sirius nearly died a fourth time in one night when you seemingly shot up out of a dead sleep and spun to face them.

“You’re what?” You asked; no hints of sleep in your tone (nor your wild eyes) as you stared at them incredulously.

“Fuck.” Sirius repeated eloquently as he and Remus both sat up, the latter leaning over to turn on a lamp causing both you and Sirius to wince as your eyes adjusted.

“I thought you were asleep?” Sirius accused then, but you didn’t take the bait.

“You’re…what about me?” You whispered carefully.

“Crazy.” Remus responded quickly; whether he was braver than Sirius or opting to rip the bandaid off, Sirius didn’t know. “We’re crazy about you.”

You made a breathy sound, almost as if you were going to ask “what” or “why” or “when” before the question died on your lips.

Sirius stared at you in wait; he didn’t know whether you were about to cry, whether you were going to demand they let you build a ‘nest’ on the floor so you could escape them, or whether you were going to call your folks and ask them to pick you up.

So when your face broke out into a slow, still disbelieving but equally relieved grin, well…he’d be damned.

“Yeah?” You asked hopefully, eyes swimming with unshed tears as you nervously looked between the two of them.

“Yeah…” Sirius let out with a breath, daring to reach across the expanse of the bed that the three of you had clearly decided would be a no-man zone and delighting when you eagerly accepted his hand in yours.

“We thought you were asleep, dove.” Remus offered gently, and a shy smile crept across your face as you shook your head, a lone tear trailing down your cheek that your free hand was quick to wipe away.

“Couldn’t.”

“Why not?” Sirius cooed pathetically, rubbing along your knuckles with his thumb as he took your inability to sleep to be a personal offence.

“Was too busy thinking about how crazy I am about the two of you, too.” You admitted in a whisper, and Sirius wondered if he had even frozen long enough to share more than a 0.35 second glance with Remus before he bodily launched himself and tackled you to the bed before peppering your face with kisses as you squealed.

“You mean-” kisses “to tell me-” more kisses as you giggled “that we could have been doing this” you squealed as he nipped at your collar bone “this whole sodding time!?”

“Oi!” Remus chided teasingly. “Don’t maul her!” Though his statement was severely undermined when he all but pulled you into his lap to press his own rough kiss to the side of your face.

“Oh, I’m just getting started.” Sirius threatened with a beaming smile as you looked at him breathlessly; eyes bright, smile wide, and heart full. “We have lost time to make up for.”

ʚ ═══·୨ ꕤ ୧·═══ ɞ

Enough was enough, quite frankly. The tiptoeing, the dancing, the shy glances, the longing looks - it was all too much.

Something simply needed to be done.

Was it temerarious? Perhaps. Was it conniving? More than slightly. But was it also necessary? Most definitely.

She only hoped that she hadn’t gone too far, is all.

But any worries that Euphemia Potter may have had vanished entirely the second that her phone buzzed with a text from James the next morning that simply read: it worked.

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aithusarosekiller · 2 months

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Starchaser hcs :D

Regulus is VERY adamant on no nicknames/petnames at first but eventually James is able to periodically slip them into conversation, progressively getting more cringey and sappy with them until 'Baby' is in his daily vocabulary and Regulus just...doesn't care anymore

The first time James hugged Reggie his brain went into shutdown for about ten minutes and he had to take time to PHYSICALLY recover from it because he wasn't used to enjoying physical touch anymore since his family all grew up before him and had stopped going near him as much

They both wanted to propose around the same time and both asked Sirius for his blessing and the little shit just agreed and kept quiet, wanting to see who would go first. In the end it was James but Reg still proposed right back to him a week later and Sirius thoroughly enjoyed the shock on both of their faces when they realised he knew and kept it quiet.

They have a very long period of 'I love you and it makes me want to VIOLENTLY HURL' before they get together and it lasts throughout the first two months of their relationship too before it fades into just 'I think you're the one and that is mildly irritating'

They both refer to each other as 'my partner'. Idk they just seem the type

James goes through a small phase of convincing himself their relationship is fake and reg could never really like him unless it's a joke. Reg snaps him out of it by straight up yelling at him to not be so dense and accept that he loves him. It's the first time either of them say the word love

James is a 'kiss it better?' Guy through and through. Burns his finger on the stove? Reggie, please kiss it better :( . Scrapes his arm while pissing about in the garden? Regsy, can you kiss it so it will go away :(? Breaks his fucking leg playing quidditch? Baby, I know it's in a cast but can you kiss it better or I won't be able to sleep :(. Purposefully gets hit right in the mouth by a football? Reggie baby, come here real quick, I need you to kiss it better :).

They OBSESSIVELY say they love each other. And it's less of a soppy pda thing and more of a 'I need to know you love me and want me more than anything else in this world' it's a comfort thing and a devotion thing

Regulus is a huge cuddler when he's sleeping. He'll end up sleeping sprawled on top of James every single night to the point where he's practically suffocating. James just wraps his arms around his waist and holds him closer.

#jegulus #starchaser #sunseeker #regulus black #james potter #marauders era #marauders

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777heavengirl · 15 days

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spill your guts

sirius black x reader one-shot ! warnings: miscommunication? (apparently, that’s all ik how to write), friends to lovers, mentions of injury, no war AU! word count: 6,730 masterlist a/n: sorry I've been MIA uni is BEATING my ass and i rewrote this like 35 times, enjoy!

“I have this dream that I am hitting my dad with my quidditch bat” Sirius's clammy skin and the breeze that flew in from the window you had slightly cracked open when he awoke hyperventilating, caused goosebumps to crawl up his skin. You stayed quiet at his confession, your eyes trained on his face but his burned holes into your baby blue duvet. “And all he does is scream and cry for help-“

He took a sharp breath, this was one of those rare times when everything rotting inside him tried spilling out. For many years it was just James and Remus, Peter occasionally, but now he found that he couldn’t help but want to spill his guts to you. You stayed quiet as he spoke, scared to say anything that would cause him to shut himself in again.

”And maybe halfway through, I realized that it has more to do with me killing him than it ever did protecting myself.” Sirius never spoke of his father. His mother usually plagued his nightmares and it was the abuse he was more inclined to share.

Not his father's.

”He was really pushing his luck-“ His dry laugh, seemed cruel, but you could see how his fingers fidgeted, playing with a small thread on the edge of his boxers. The need to light a cigarette flashed in his mind.

You knew the man was dead. You were with Sirius and the rest of the marauders the day he was buried. After everyone else had left the funeral, the brothers stared at the coffin on the altar of the mausoleum the rest of their family rested in. Regulus didn’t speak a word but gripped Sirius’s arm with white-hot knuckles. Sirius put his cigarette out on the shiny, polished wood, one last act of defiance. His brother nodded, almost as if in approval, but not quite, and apparated away with their family house elf soon after. Sirius linked his arm with yours. You didn’t ask how he died, nor did you ask about the brothers' relationship now that both of their abusers were dead and buried. Now that everything between them rotted away.

You never wanted to push the boundary more than he’d let you. Your relationship, if that’s what you could call it, was already precarious as it was.

Tonight had started like many others, Sirius knocking at your door. The flat you shared with Dorcas in front of the one he shared with Peter and Remus. And you answered, you always did.

“you look good tonight-“ You thought the way too small sleeping shorts were the reason he said so, it wasn’t the mismatched socks or the oversized muggle band tee you had stolen from their dorm fifth year. Definitely not the messy, bed-ridden hair. He had only seen your face, the glint in your eyes, and the pull of your smile. That had been enough for him to decide you were the most beautiful creature on the planet. “can I sleep in your bed?” You said yes.

You always said yes.

You didn’t have sex. But you slept together, his fingertips digging into the supple skin of your waist as he slept with his face buried in your neck. You often played with his hair, tracing spirals on his back until he snored softly. You wouldn’t have guessed that tonight would end up with him waking up, in a cold sweat and gasping for breaths, much less confessing his dreams of murdering his already deceased father.

You didn't hold that against him.

You took a hesitant hold of his trembling fingers, he seemed to welcome the touch as he intertwined his fingers with yours.

He pulled you close to him again after he laid back down. The window remained open with the nippy night breeze flowing in, but his skin eventually lost its goosebumps and his grip ultimately loosened, he was soft and warm and moldable now. He melted onto your side and you couldn't help but stare. At his perfect nose and perfect lips, the weight of the world that he held on his shoulders faded away when he slept, even if just for a few hours.

You reveled in the fact that it was your bed he felt this comfortable in.

You hoped it was only yours.

Even the mornings where he had crawled out of your bed and your flat, the ones where you awoke alone and cold, he stayed in your head. He had imprinted himself on your mind, he had made it his home. Sirius Black, the man you were not dating, but the man you shared your bed with, occasionally made breakfast with in between fits of laughter. The man who had declared very loudly, and very drunkenly, that you'd make the perfect girlfriend at a party four months ago, and yet continued to ignore any hint that there might be something else between the two of you. Your bed felt cold the rare nights he didn't knock at your door, at this point your entire apartment called for his presence. Dorcas joked that he was your third roommate.

You always wondered if he had found some muggle girl to woo for the night, sleep in her foreign bed, and disappear in the morning. You wondered if he ever stayed 'til the morning in their beds, if he enjoyed them more than he enjoyed you. If your bed and your embrace weren't enough.

Until there was a knock at your door, the clock marked 1:27 am.

"A long time ago, my great-great-great-great-grandfather took something that did not belong to him," You wondered if this would also become ritual, him baring his heart naked. Baring his family's sins, his sins, to you. As if your divine acceptance would tip the scales, and that it would weigh his heart as pure. Your skin was the one riddled with goosebumps this time, as the cold that seeped through the window nipped at the thin material of your shirt and you duvet stayed discarded at the foot of the bed. You didn't mind it. He blew the smoke of his cig out the open window and turned to look at you again, unapologetically staring into your eyes. "And that is why I kind of look the way I do, 'm part Veela," you wondered if his confessions were a new level of intimacy you had gained access to.

"As if I couldn't tell," he gave you a crooked smirk, the type he gives you when he's about to make some obscene, dirty joke. He didn't this time though. You visibly saw his shoulders relax when you made a quick quip, ignoring the heavy atrocity of his ancestors. It wasn't him after all, why would you hold it against him? He hummed, reveling secretly in your compliment. Maybe you genuinely did think he was beautiful. Regardless of the tattoos that now littered his body, or the scars of abuse that would never leave him, or even the random bruises that sometimes stained his porcelain skin, from his bike, from Moony's transformations, from everything. Maybe you even saw past the commitment issues, and unspoken words, or the fact that he left you to wake up to an empty bed often.

Maybe, somehow, you were able to look past all of that. All of him.

Sirius knew it was wishful thinking.

“Don’t look at me like that Moony,” Sirius said with a groan as he stood at the door, still holding the handle from closing it. Remus glared at him from the top of his cup as he sipped his tea, Sirius really wanted to skip the whole lecture, you woke up early meaning he also had to, and had to make the treacherous journey across the hall. He glanced at the clock on the wall, it glanced 6:30 am back at him. Why was Remus even awake?

“you’re a prat Padfoot-“

”I needed some sleep, it's not like we're-“

“It doesn’t matter, what you’re doing to that poor girl is horrible, if you really can’t sleep drink some tea, go to a physician” Remus turned his back to Sirius, angrily cleaning his cup in the sink, although he couldn’t see him, Sirius knew Remus’s face was twisted into one of disappointment and anger. “you know she loves you, and you use it instead of telling her there will never be anything between you-“

”I love her”

”You’re not in love with her, are you?” He turned the water off, turning around with a glare as Sirius stayed quiet. “She is.”

Sirius didn’t know what he felt for you if he was honest. He loved you, though. He had always loved you. From the days you ran around with the four of them around Hogwarts, when you passed notes in class, when you accompanied him on secret trips to the kitchens, when you helped clean his wounds at Potter Manor the summer he ran away. Sirius has always loved you.

Remus might think that’s worse.

”Stop sleeping with her and having breakfast with her the morning after, Merlin-“ he took a deep breath, his fingers coming up to rub his temples in frustration and the Welsh accent seeped into his words, “What the hell are you thinking Sirius?”

Remus knew he was being tough, but he felt bad. He felt bad about the way your eyes always trailed after the boy, and how you always stared at Sirius’s closed bedroom door when you were over for tea. You needed to be able to move on with your life. It didn’t help you and Dorcas lived right in front of them.

”Alright Moony,”

“You’ll leave her alone?” Sirius refused to meet the taller boy's eyes.

”I’ll try”

Sirius did not listen to Remus.

He never did really, but he felt guilty now. He stared at you from your bed, you paced around stripping away the day, being a healer at St Mungo's was an arduous job most days. Some it was just kids with dragon pox and their mothers who came with worry stitched in their souls, doing rounds with residents that had been there longer than you, the older ladies always gave you candy. You didn't know where they were getting it from. Most nights you dragged yourself into your apartment late enough you might as well say it’s morning, and dropped, ruined and exhausted, on your bed. The worst days, it was back-to-back shifts of trying to heal curses, creature attacks, and mysterious maladies that left you drained and hopeless. Ones that made you fear the magical world that surrounded you. These nights you would've sought Sirius out, the way he did you, but you didn't need to. He was always there, somehow knowing and waiting outside your door. Sometimes, he was just exiting his apartment, going to knock on yours when you came up the stairs, other nights, like this one, he waited for you. He sat on the floor with his back against your door and his eyes closed until he heard your footsteps. He stood and greeted you silently with a kiss to your temple.

He trailed after you, into your room and onto your bed. So he sat, his back against the wall and the bottom parts of his legs hanging from the bed. He didn't say much, he observed as you sighed and sniffed, wiping your eyes as you muttered to yourself. He watched in awe as you took off the green healer robes they made you wear, your buttoned shirt coming off with it.

“I don’t understand how hard it is to keep your kid away from places like those, the kid was barely five and now he has all these welts-“ you huffed in frustration as you stripped off your pants and walked into the bathroom, the door open so you could continue to ramble “how does a five-year-old get cursed? I had to call the Ministry-“

Sirius didn’t think he could deny the fact that he reveled in these moments, he couldn't hide it for the life of him. The ones where you were so comfortable with him, walking around in your mismatched underwear angrily rambling about negligent mothers and how now you have to testify at the Ministry next week. It was laced with domesticity and a cloying sweetness that covered his skin. He wanted to stop you and kiss you silly. To sleep with you, in all your naked glory, and not care because you’d be together. He shook away the need to keep you for himself. He shuffled close to the edge of the bed, his feet finally touching the floor and he picked up a trinket on your nightstand. He bought it for you when he visited France last summer. He promised Regulus he'd gone to see him a few days. It went well, he realized. He also thought of the fact he didn't tell you that's what he went to do.

”Sirius?"

"Hm?" he finally focused back on your words, his eyes flickering back to you and the small smile that formed on your lips when you saw what he had in his hand.

"I said, what'd you reckon will happen to the kid?" your smile faded, and you picked nervously at your cuticles as you thought about him. Would they take him away? Would he be put in an orphanage? It was protocol you had no other choice but to call... and yet you couldn't stop thinking about it. You started moving around your room again, like a bee collecting pollen from flowers. Bees were cute, right? Sirius hoped you wouldn't think he was silly, Bees were cute, he decided. You grabbed a couple of items of clothing, collecting them in one arm as the other one massaged your scalp.

"I dunno," he remembered to answer now, "I had never thought about it,"

He could hear you turn on the shower, but you padded back into the room as the water warmed. You looked at him, still in your underwear, the eye bags underneath your eyes were visible, your makeup long faded by now.

"You never went because of your mum?" He shook his head, and you shuffled closer, the side of your leg pressed against the bed and your knee knocking with his as you looked down at him. Your hand went to caress his hair instinctively, his soft glossy curls sliding through your fingers easily. "I'm sorry no one noticed Sirius," this part was a whisper now, you feared overstepping a boundary you weren't aware of. He smiled at you, his hand coming up to pinch your naked side.

You yelped and batted his hand away with a laugh.

"She's good and dead now, I reckon it doesn't matter anymore-" He gave you a saddened smile, his nimble fingers grabbing a hold of your hand pulling you closer to him again. It was private moments like this, that confused you. The intimacy of it all, the way his lips pressed against the back of your hand and looked at you through half-lidded eyes. You were suddenly hyper-aware of how naked you actually were. You had been friends for the majority of your life, shame was long gone, but when you were so close you could feel his breath across the stretch of your tummy, it felt different.

"I reckon it does matter," You pressed a small kiss to his forehead and unpeeled yourself from him, "don't bury it all inside you, Mr Black"

You floated away now, in the sea of your anxiety over your actions, closing the bathroom door behind you.

Sirius had a lot of destructive behaviors, he knew that. The smoking since he was fifteen, the reckless way he rode his motorcycle around, the growing collection of tattoos on his body, the tumultuous relationship he had with his brother, Merlin definitely the excessiveness in which he drank, not to mention the way he showed up at the Potter's every once in a while seeking James's comfort and unconditional love, ignoring the fact that the man was a father and had a million things on his shoulders. Lily didn’t seem to mind. At least he was a decent godfather, took care of Harry to perfection, it took a few tries but he got it. Loved him with his entire heart. But you, Sirius, thought you might be the worst of it.

The worst thing he’s ever done to himself is allow for this domesticity between you.

You came back from your shower with your hair slightly damp and smelling of your signature body wash scent, sweet and enveloping. The oversized shirt that covered your torso was almost long enough to cover 'til your upper thighs. It made Sirius’s lips curl into a lopsided smile that he tried to repress.

He was lying down now, starfishing on your bed as he stared at the ceiling.

”Are you coming to bed?” The clock blinked 3 AM at you, and Sirius reached his hand out. You walked closer to him, a small smile playing on your lips. You sent the towel you had been using back to its spot with a swish of your hand. Basic handless magic was a difficult skill to gain but Merlin so gratifying.

“I forgot my pants silly,” he shook his head no, and reached for your hand with a bit more effort, grabbing a hold of it and pulling you down with him.

”Let’s just sleep, you don’t need those-“ He covered the two of you with your heavy duvet as you laughed, he leaned over you to turn off the lamp on your nightstand.

Yes, Sirius thought as he buried his face in the crook of your neck and threw one of his arms over your torso. You were the worst thing he had ever done to himself. He would never be able to let go, your hands stroking his hair until one of you fell asleep, the small ‘night that slipped past your lips just as your eyes fluttered shut. He'd never get enough of your saccharine scent that enveloped him like a blanket, comforting and warm. All-encompassing and suffocating, in each other’s arms every night, in the comfort of your room.

Sirius knew it deep in his heart, what he had been afraid of for so long. Maybe Remus had it all wrong, maybe he was in love with you.

Because what else could this feeling be?

You tried to ignore the ache in your heart when you woke up to an empty bed. You tried to forget the fact that you’d probably do it all again tonight, and the next night too, all to bear the fruit of nothing.

Dorcas shook her head and she pushed a cup of coffee towards you.

“Don’t look at me like that Dorcas -“

”I love Sirius as much as the next guy but-“ you picked up the coffee and sighed at its warmth “He’s being a prat honey-“

”It's not like we’ve been having sex, he just needs some sleep” You shook your head and looked away, afraid that your eyes would betray you, “hell I needed sleep too”

”It doesn’t matter, Y/N you’re a healer get him a stock of sleeping draught and yourself some too while you’re at it…” She furrowed her brows but you stayed quiet, not daring to meet her gaze “I know you love him, but I’m not so sure he sees you that way-“

” I’m not in love with him”

“I didn’t say you were in love,” Dorcas sighed now, placing her cup on the sink and walking towards the small chimney in your flat. “Promise me it won’t happen anymore, that you’ll try to break it off”

”I’ll try Dorcas,” she didn’t believe you much, you didn’t believe yourself either, the Floo Flames engulfed her body.

It was hard to, separate yourself from him that is. Sirius Black was addicting, simply from the way he moved. Just watching him is entrancing on its own. Speaking to him, with his suave words and low tone. Everything about him, everyone craved to have a simple conversation, have even an ounce of his attention. Sleeping in his arms though, heart to heart? Now that was in a league of its own.

You dragged yourself into your building, the day bearing down on you. You half hoped that Sirius would be waiting outside your door again, sitting waiting for you to lay in his arms. Disappointment added to the sack of bricks you felt like you were carrying when you turned to see the empty hallway. You sluggishly made your way up to your door, hoping to see Sirius's head pop out of his apartment door. Giggles came down your hall, as you fiddled with your keychain trying to find your key. The drunken whispers got louder and just as you grabbed a hold of your key you heard your name echo softly down the hall.

You dropped your keys in surprise as you took in the sight. Sirius stood rather close to a short woman, her bubbling laughter and her roaming hands didn't stop when he let his arm drop from her shoulders. All color drained from his face and his drunk, loose smile fell quickly from his lips. The girl that clung to him like gum to a shoe hadn’t noticed your presence nor how Sirius seemed to sober up at the sight of you.

You scrambled to pick up your keys as the blonde started whispering in his ear, starting to pull at him again. He called out your name one more time, moving towards you now, dragging the poor girl down the hallway with him.

“have a good night Sirius-“

You miraculously managed to get your key in the hole swiftly, turn it, open, and lock yourself inside just in time. Pressing your back against the door, your heart felt like it might leap out of your chest. You had always hoped that he wasn’t seeing other people, or meeting anyone else. And the absence of encounters just like this one had solidified that thought, you were properly convinced. Now though. You had just been lucky enough to not encounter them. You thought back, it was impossible not to feel like Sirius’s look had been one of guilt. Like he got caught. But the two of you weren’t anything.

You were painfully reminded of that fact tonight.

You hadn't noticed how fast or how hard your heart was beating. You felt like it was ready to break through your ribs, leaving you shattered and with a void in your chest. But it didn't do such a thing. No, you stayed perfectly intact, even as you felt the panic batter your chest and the notion that you were definitely not the only woman in his life torturing your heart.

"What's wrong?" Dorcas said in a whisper as she looked up, her large glasses sliding down her nose. The yellow lamps that decorated your apartment gave Dorcas's dark skin a low golden tone, like the type you'd see in paintings of candlelights and sultry lounges. Marlene was over today, her short, bleached blonde strands fanning over her face as she slept with her head on Dorcas's lap, her arms wrapped around the girl's waist. If it had been any other time you would've run for the muggle Polaroid camera Lily bought you, flashing a picture of the two of them.

"Sirius was just outside with some girl," Dorcas gasped now and shot up, dropping Marlene's head on the couch. The blonde groaned awake and asked what was wrong.

"Sirius brought home a girl" The blonde shot up as well and the girlfriends ran to the door, trying to look through the peephole. "Well this whole thing has gone arse over tit hasn't it?" Marlene pushed Dorcas off for her turn at the peephole.

"There's no 'thing' between us anyway"

"Well, shit" The blonde outside kept pawing at Sirius, trying to reach his face, to eat it Marlene guessed. He stared at the door, trying to hold the girl who stuck to him back. Marlene felt as if she was in a staring competition. She knew Sirius couldn’t see her but she still liked the thought that she’d win.

Dorcas was the first to peel herself off of the door and pull you into a tight embrace. Her hand rubbed circles on your back and Marlene followed, embracing the two of you. They smelled coconut-y and sweet, even the remainder of Marlene's stronger perfume wafted over you ever so slightly. It was grounding, really, to be hugged tightly by your closest friends, the smell of home, the comfort of knowing that you were loved, even if it wasn't by him.

"I'll hex him for you if you want" Marlene's suggestion, although serious, wasn't necessary. You shook your head sighing.

"He didn't do anything-" Dorcas flicked your head now, a frown forming on her face as the three of you parted.

"Like hell, he didn't-"

"He doesn't owe me anything 'Cas don't be harsh"

"He's been sleeping in your bed for the better part of six months I reckon he owes you a lot" Dorcas gave you a look of pity now, like you were a wounded abandoned animal.

"I say we set his motorbike on fire," Marlene suggested casually like she was talking about the weather. You slowly peeled your layers off, as you dragged your feet towards your room. You knew the girls felt bad for you, but it was your fault. Who in their right mind would let Sirius Black so into their hearts, knowing that no commitment would ever come from it?

You.

You would.

From his muscles softened under your touch, his warmth spreading to your body, to the way he mumbled in his sleep. It was something your soul craved to see, to feel, to hear. He had bewitched you, without you wanting him to, without meaning to allow him. You threw yourself on your bed, starfished and in your underwear, freshly showered. The water did not wash away the regret nor the hurt. They only made you think of coming back to Sirius in your bed, smiling and pulling you into his arms. Your sheets were cold, and tucked in neatly, very unlike the cozy mess Sirius usually made of it. So you stared, long and hard at the white of your ceiling. You prayed sleep would take you, you were exhausted. Like your body had been beaten, like your heart had split in two.

No such sleep would overtake you. Instead, you could hear frantic knocks on your front door, your muscles twitched but you didn't dare move, like if you breathed he'd know. You heard Dorcas rip the door open, the force of it reverberating through your small flat.

"You got some balls coming here," It was muffled, but you could still hear the venom in her voice. She didn't let him speak. "You're going to die cold, sad, and alone Black— don't you ever forget it" She threw the door closed now, the bang shaking your room again. It was jarring to hear that, especially from someone as sweet as Dorcas was, and she meant it. Hell, you felt like she would make sure of it, no matter the cost.

"Sweetheart-" Dorcas spoke through the door, her knuckles grazing the wood but not quite knocking. You didn't answer.

A muffled she must be asleep, and you felt like you could breathe again. You knew Sirius wouldn't end up alone. If he did romantically, the friendships in his life would fulfill that void anyway. He had a family. Most of your friends were his, and you knew, that you could never ask any of them to walk around the uncomfortable wall that seemed to form between you, or god forbid pick sides. It was stupid, you knew there was no reason you should be upset. You were not together. You weren't anything to him, and he wasn't supposed to be to you.

But oh he was. He was everything.

On nights like these, you thought you might reach your limit and have to be admitted into the psychiatric ward of St Mungo's yourself. You felt sweaty, and the stuffy healer robes didn't help to ease the heat that crawled up your skin. Your hair felt frizzy and out of place, and your buttoned-up shirt felt like it was choking you, but you couldn't stop. You couldn't afford to nor could the patients that kept coming in. The St Mungo's emergency room was nothing short of a battleground, it was vile and the worst turn to get. Especially during the overnight shift. These were the types of shifts that made you second guess your career choice, the ones that made you want to throw in the towel and drag yourself back into your apartment and never come out.

"Y/N come on, they're bringing in a flying vehicle accident-" you frowned as you let your turn partner drag you towards one of the newly entered patients. For the first time that shift, you felt dread crawl up your throat, your heart skipping a beat as you saw Sirius lying unconscious on the bed. For a second you thought you had forgotten how to breathe, your fingertips felt numb and your ears rang. His perfect nose was bloody, his perfect lip bruised and split. There were scrapes on his cheeks, and his jeans had been ripped and stained red. It wasn't noticeable at first, but the metallic smell and the caked-on blood on his black jacket became visible as you approached, it all made it clear, it had been bad.

You couldn't understand what your partner was telling you, the ringing in your ears too loud for you to make out the words, but as they moved Sirius onto a proper bed, it all came crashing down again. Repeated prayers of no's rang through your head along with pleas to a higher power to let this be a nightmare, one you'd wake up from cold and sweaty but knowing he's safe. No such relief came, and your fingertips buzzed with electricity once again, moving so fast it was like you moved at two times speed. You couldn't think of anything but prayers, to what? You didn't know, but you did so nevertheless. To the stars, and the heavens, or the magic that ran through your blood, through his. You didn't know. But you muttered words of hope and love, as you cleaned his wounds, hoping he'd hear you.

You busied yourself and basically assigned yourself to his care, after they moved him out of the ER, into one of the beds in the rows of other patients divided by sheets. You barely left his side, just to shower and change into the spare clothes Dorcas had brought you reluctantly, mildly upset you were taking care of Sirius. You ate next to him, talked to him, read your favorite poems, and hummed his favorite songs. He mumbled here and there, and his eyes would flutter sometimes which you took as a good sign but the tension didn't leave your shoulders, and your prayers never ended.

James, Remus, and Peter passed by, dropping some baked goods off and comforting you with teary hugs.

"I told him that bloody bike would kill him-" Remus said as he shook his head and sat next to Sirius for a bit, his hand on the boy's knee.

"How's he doing doc?" you rolled your eyes, amusement played in James's eyes at the pull of your lips. He had always secretly been a worrywart, but he played it off well as if his heart didn't almost beat out of his chest when he got the call.

"As long as he wakes up he'll be fine-" He smiled genuinely now, "Few broken bones," He hummed, looking at Remus and Peter huddled next to Sirius's bed.

"few broken bones hm? wouldn't be the first time." You talked for a while, each one of you ignoring the nagging feeling of worry. Sirius's boisterous laugh was poignantly missing from the conversation. But soon enough, James's father's duties called and he pressed a kiss on Sirius's forehead and one on yours very fatherlike and apparated away, Remus and Peter gathered themselves up as well not long after.

"Call if anything, okay doll?" Remus pulled you into a tight hug, his lips pressing against your temple as well. Peter gave you a small hug, his eyes trailing over Sirius's form sadly.

You were left alone again, the window panes that surrounded the hall letting some moonlight in. Time felt like a thick jelly, your eyes staring at the clock as you ran your hands through his hair, the exhaustion was quickly catching up to you. But the thought of another coffee made your stomach churn and your eyelids felt heavy like lead. So you gripped his hand tightly and laid your head against his arm.

If he woke up, you'd be there.

Sirius felt like he might be in heaven, the second his eyes fluttered open you were there. Your face pressed between his forearm and the bed, your hand tightly clutching his. He could feel the ghost of your lips on his skin and goosebumps threatened to crawl up his spine, his thoughts straying to your pout. Your closed eyes and your steady breathing made it clear you were sleeping, Sirius couldn't help but smile. He very rarely got to watch you like this, by some miracle he always fell asleep first and woke up second. You were so lovely, with your soft skin and the angelic glow from the light of the moon glaring against the curve of your face. If it wasn't for the stinging in his face or the way his ribs felt like they were collapsing in on themselves, Sirius would've sworn up and down he had died and gone to heaven.

He squeezed your hand, and the weight of the realization that you had been taking care of him fell on him. Guilt clawed at his throat, he had broken your heart and you still took care of him. He'll never forget the look on your face, the surprise, and the tears that threatened to fall. There was no other word to use besides heartbreak, and it had been his fault. He didn't know why he had brought her home, he didn't particularly fancy the girl, but the alcohol made his veins feel warm and she smiled at him and the impulsiveness and self-destruction within himself were a shoot-first ask-questions later duo that ruled his brain. He realized that you deserved more. More than him, more than the empty bed he left you with, or the avoidance of feelings. Sometimes Sirius wished you'd forget him. It would be better for you.

To forget his face, forget his name.

Your eyes began to pry open, and he couldn't help but spill his guts again.

"For so long I hoped I'd fall asleep at the wheel and crash my motorbike on the ride home-" Your heart jumped to your throat, your head shooting up at the realization he was awake. His words were raspy and as much as he tried they were barely a whisper. "But then you came back from your apprenticeship, and moved right in front and it felt like-" he looked away now, his fingers fidgeting with yours. "Like you were that light at the end of the tunnel." Your hand was still pressed against his.

"I stopped wanting to fall asleep on the bike, I just wanted to fall asleep with you"

"You are an idiot Sirius Black" The frustration gathered over the last two days flushed your system, tears threatening to fall over "you are so reckless and so utterly stupid-" tears flowed down your cheeks but you wouldn't let them fall, furiously wiping them away with your sleeve. He looked at you heartbroken.

"I know love"

"No," you shook your head now and stood up, his hand falling back to the bed "You don't know, all I do is worry and care, and you don't!" your laugh came out crueler than you meant but it came out nonetheless "You never care Sirius- Oh and imagine when I don't see or hear from you for days, and suddenly you're dragged in here looking like you're seconds away from dying-" you paced around as you went on, your hands running through your hair in frustration.

"I didn't think you wanted to see me" he stared at you now, hoping to catch your gaze. Hoping to see if you meant it, hoping to see, something. Something that would tell him what he so desperately wanted to know.

"I always want to see you" You locked eyes with his, his stupidly gorgeous stormy eyes. And he knew, from the pain in your eyes, from the way your pupils blew the second you looked at him, from the way you softened, anger dissipated when you looked at him. You didn't understand how anyone could look like that, how even scratched up he looked like he had been carved out of marble. "All I want is to see you," you were close enough for him to reach for your hand, even with pain shooting down his ribs, he did.

"I'm sorry,” you sat on the edge of his bed, closer than you had intended, as he spoke, looking at your intertwined hands. “and I’m sorry about the lass too-“

You scrunched up your nose, “I reckon that is none of my business” and he wondered how long you had to tell yourself that until you believed it.

”I sent her home, nothing happened-“

“you can go out with whoever you wish”

”I only want you”

You looked at him again, into his eyes, into his soul. Hoping to catch a flicker of truth. His eyes looked at you with hope and want, and you knew. Sirius would never lie to you, he might be a drunk, and emotionally unavailable, and Merlin knows that he’s a mess, but Sirius Black was not a liar, especially to you. He squeezed your hands, pulling them close to his chest, pressing them against his heart.

”I’m so in love with you, you drive me mad,” he said this last part with a laugh, pulling a teary giggle out of you. You couldn’t help yourself, the wetness of your eyes and cheeks coming without you meaning it to. He swiped a thumb under your eyes, a nervous laugh threatening to spill from his lips, a watery smile forming instead.

“I am regrettably, in love with you as well” You smiled now, looking away from his scoff. His lips curled into a full-fledged smile now, as did yours.

“Am I that awful?”

”I fear so Mr Black,“ you glanced at him teasingly, the glint in your eye he loved so much returning.

“I reckon you wouldn’t want to kiss a tosser like me then,” You couldn’t help but smile, as the both of you subconsciously leaned closer. His hands cupped your cheeks as your foreheads pressed together. “Can I—“

You didn’t let him finish, finally closing the distance between you. He kissed you shyly, a trait you didn’t know he possessed. You kiss him soft and open-mouthed, a small hum coming from his chest. His fingers hold on to your face, desperate to keep you close, and and you revel in the fact that his kiss turns hungry like he’d never get to kiss you again.

You part with a small satisfied sigh, foreheads pressed against one another and eyes fluttered shut. Sirius thought about the many times he wondered what this would feel like, to press his lips against yours. He had dreamt of this for months; when you walked around your room in your underwear ranting or every time you opened the door, he dreamt of kissing you in the mornings and late at night.

Sirius realized, as he pressed another kiss to your lips, he had dreamt of kissing you for years.

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writtenicarus · 2 months

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you know, i totally get that people want to stick to regulus being tough and cruel because we have softened him too much, and i agree at the most part, but i also feel like regulus is so sensitive. he was a caring, loving child, the complete opposite of who he became. so within that, if you find a way in, he becomes just as sickenley loving. he cannot bare anything casual. he loves with his whole being. consumes. engulfs. he sleeps with stuffed animals. he needs barty to hold his hand when he panics in class. he is, in the words of mistki, a tall child.

#marauders headcanon #marauders au #marauders fic #marauders era #the marauders #marauders #regulus black #regulus deserved better #regulus arcturus black #jegulus #barty crouch jr #bartylus #the slytherin skittles

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ecstarry · 22 days

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@jegulus-microfic / sleep / 301 words / a self indulgent bday fic for myself / thank you for everything mwuah @star4daisy

“Can you just keep talking to me?” Regulus asked softly. He had been on the phone with James for an hour. His birthday was tomorrow, and James’ flight had been delayed, meaning he wouldn't make it back in time.

“I’ll do anything you want, love.”

They whispered sweet nothings to each other for a few more minutes before Regulus drifted off to sleep. He was certain he had fallen asleep while James was still talking to him—his voice was his favorite lullaby.

He woke up to the sound of his doorbell ringing. Regulus glanced at his watch and saw it was still early morning; Sirius wasn't supposed to come over until brunch, so it couldn't be him. Still half-asleep, he didn't bother putting on a shirt and headed downstairs in just his pajama bottoms.

“Happy Birthday, love.” It was James.

There stood James, holding a bouquet of flowers, a balloon with a silly pun about his age, and his suitcase. Regulus launched himself at his boyfriend, and James dropped everything to wrap his arms around his waist.

“Oh, baby, the balloo—” James tried to reach for it, but Regulus quickly snatched it back, insisting his hand return to squeezing him.

“It’s okay. You’re here.” Regulus pulled back slightly to look at James. “You’re not a dream.” He smiled.

“There was something I needed to do in person,” James murmured against Regulus’ lips before finally leaning in to kiss him tenderly. Regulus deepened the kiss, his hands tugging at James’ hair. James lifted Regulus and pressed him against the wall, slowly moving his kisses from Regulus’ lips to his jaw, and then to his neck. “We’ll get the flowers later; I have another birthday gift I’d like to give you first.”

No dream would ever compare.

“I’d like that, baby.”

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ultravioletbrit · 1 month

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“boom” - Jegulus microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - 329 words

Regulus is drunk. Very drunk. James has seen him tipsy a few times but never this drunk. Regulus is very drunk and currently cuddled up beside James, practically sitting in his lap.

James looks over at Barty who seems to be very amused with the whole situation. “Is he always like this?” James asks him.

“He’s a cuddly drunk.” Barty tells him with a shrug. “Although, I will say, this is a bit more than normal.”

“Reggie, back off a bit, yeah? I’m sure James doesn’t want you hanging all over him.” Sirius chimes in.

“He… uh… He’s fine Sirius.” James tells him, trying to suppress the blush he knows is working its way to his cheeks.

“Yeah, he’s fine Sirius.” Regulus mocks Sirius, slurring his words and cuddling even closer, laying his head on James’ chest.

“James! Are you okay?!” Regulus sits up quickly and looks at James with real concern in his eyes.

“Uh… yeah, why?”

“I think you’re having a heart attack!” Regulus exclaims in a panic.

“What?” James asks, genuinely confused.

“Your heart is beating really fast! It’s like, boom boom boomboomboomboom! That cannot be normal!” Regulus is truly distressed as he places his hand over James’ heart and looks at him with wide eyes.

James knows he can’t hold his blush in any longer and he feels his entire face growing hot.

“Oh, I think it’s perfectly normal for how he’s feeling right now.” Barty says with a knowing smirk.

Regulus regards his friend for a moment then looks back at James seemingly unconvinced but ultimately lets it go and lays his head back down.

“Well, stop it.” Regulus commands James with a yawn, “I want to stay here, but your heart is really distracting.” He mumbles, his voice is getting soft, and he seems to be falling asleep.

After a moment, Regulus snuggles even closer to James and just as he drifts off to sleep, he whispers “Your heart is always distracting me.”

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theostrophywife · 8 months

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snow on the beach.

pairing: theodore nott x reader.

request: can you write some cuddles with theo? maybe he’s comforting reader, or maybe reader is comforting him, but this boy need some love pretty please.

song inspiration: snow on the beach by taylor swift.

author's note: as soon as i saw the gif by the lovely @dramaticals, i knew that i had to write a piece with it as the cover. get in, babes. we're simping for theodore nott.

The snow fell softly over Hogwarts, covering the castle with ice and frost. From the beach, Theo watched as the flurries glittered against stone and spire and frowned as the cold seeped into his bones. Underneath him, the Black Lake was frozen solid yet crystal clear. It might’ve been unwise to venture out so far from the shore, but Theo welcomed the clarity of the cold.

The cigarette cradled between his slender fingers provided some much needed warmth, the nicotine filling his lungs and dulling his senses as he released a cloud of smoke into the air. Spread-eagled on the ice, Theo sprawled out like a snow angel, blinking away the snowflakes as it gathered on his lashes.

Beyond the treeline, Theo glimpsed his friends chasing each other on their brooms. A loud cackle echoed from the Forbidden Forest as Mattheo hurled a snowball at Draco. Enzo and Regulus cursed as they narrowly dodged the attack, racing away from Mattheo as he laughed maniacally, clearly relishing his reign of terror. On any other day, he would’ve been flying right along his mates, but today was different.

The boys could sense it as well. All morning, Theo had been distant and distracted. He barely participated in the conversations happening around him during lunch. When he turned down Mattheo’s invitation to play quidditch in the snow, his mates took the hint that Theo really just wanted to be alone.

So here he was, smoking in the freezing cold and hoping that the frigid air would provide a moment of reprieve from the complicated thoughts and emotions swirling within him. For his efforts, Theo was rewarded with a sore arse and a growing migraine pulsing behind his eyes. In other words, he was truly shit out of luck.

There was no escaping today.

A soft shuffling beckoned his attention, but it wasn’t necessary for Theo to turn around to know who the steps belonged to. He could identify his best friend by sound alone. You always walked with purpose. Judging by the decisive click of your boots against the ice, Theo could tell that you were on a mission. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips as you came into view, your cheeks and nose flushed from the cold.

With a hand on your hip, you cocked your head at Theo and posed a question in your usual no-nonsense tone. “Would you like some company or would you prefer to brood alone?”

Theo looked up from his cigarette, biting back a smile. You were always straight to the point. Never one to mince words. Theo liked that about you.

“I don’t mind the company if it’s you, principessa.”

A soft smile graced his face as you transformed your robe into a blanket, laying it on the ice and beckoning him to move. Theo happily obliged and attempted not to chuckle as you fussed over him, clearly biting back on lecturing him on the dangers of catching hypothermia in this weather. You placed your bag underneath his head before laying beside him in the cocoon of fabric.

Without a word, you tapped your shoulder. His heart warmed at the familiar gesture as he leaned against you. A sigh of satisfaction slipped past his lips as you ran your fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp and easing all the tension from his body.

“What are you doing out here?” Theo asked as you toyed with the curls at the nape of his neck. “You hate the cold.”

“I do, but I don’t hate you.”

Theo nuzzled against your neck, humming softly as the warmth of your skin soothed his senses. “I missed you at breakfast. Thought you were sleeping in, so I didn’t bother to wake you up.” His mouth quirked in amusement. “We both know what happens when your sleep is interrupted.”

“I’m not that bad,” you said sheepishly.

“The last time I tried to wake you up before noon on a weekend, you threw a slipper at my head.”

“I thought you were an intruder.”

“Mhm,” Theo murmured against your shoulder. “That explains why you yelled, ‘Leave me alone, Theodore!’ after physically assaulting me.”

By the way you shifted beside him, Theo knew you were rolling your eyes fondly. “For your information, I woke up bright and early this morning to head to Hogsmeade.”

“Has hell frozen over?” Theo asked dramatically, furrowing his brows as he looked up at you. “The Y/N I know wouldn’t be caught dead in all this snow. Especially not without stealing at least three of my hoodies before stepping foot out of the castle.”

You chuckled, brushing a strand of wavy hair away from his eyes. “Contrary to what you may believe, I’m not completely helpless without you. I bundled up and braved the snow to pick up a package from the post.”

“I wish you would’ve told me, dolcezza. I would’ve gone to the village with you.”

“That’s sweet of you, Teddy. But it was a quick trip and I managed fine on my own.”

Theo grumbled with displeasure, but rested his head on your shoulder once more. The two of you sat in comfortable silence, just soaking up each other’s company. You were clearly aware that something was on his mind, but you didn’t push. You knew that Theo would talk if and when he was ready. It was one of the many things he appreciated about you. Whenever you were together, there was never any need to fill the silence. Even without words, you could read him like a book.

After a while, Theo put out his cigarette and turned over to face you. You smiled as he scooted closer and breathed in your strawberry shampoo. He brushed the snowflakes off of your cheek, but more fell to take their place.

“How did you know I’d be out here?”

“For reasons I will never understand, you love the cold. You said it helps you think clearly,” you replied, tracing the moles and freckles that littered his skin like constellations. “I figured you had a lot on your mind. I imagine the anniversary is a rough day for you.”

Theo blinked in surprise. Though you told each other nearly everything, Theo had never disclosed the anniversary of his mother’s death. He rarely spoke about her to anyone. Even after ten years, the loss still made his heart feel hollow.

“You know what today is?” He asked in a small, quiet voice.

You nodded in confirmation. “Your nonna mentioned it in her last letter. I know you usually like to be alone to remember her, but I wanted to at least check up on you.”

There was an ache in his chest as he met your concerned gaze. You placed your hand above his heart and rubbed over the spot like you knew how heavy of a load it was to carry. Theo’s fingers gently closed around yours.

“I’m glad you did.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked softly. “All these years? I would’ve liked to be there for you.”

There was a hint of pain in the edges of your voice as though robbing you of the ability to comfort him physically hurt. Knowing you, it probably did. You cared so deeply and loved so fully. It was just the type of person that you were. It was what drew him to you in the first place.

“I didn’t think I could,” he admitted truthfully. “After my mum died, my father never spoke about her again. He just acted like the day of her death never happened. For him, it was just another normal day and not the day that I lost half of myself. My father said it was weak to show emotion, so I never did. I had no choice but to be strong, so I am.”

Theo closed his eyes and attempted to tamper down his emotions. When he opened them again, he was met with your heartbroken expression. A pang of guilt struck his heart like an arrow. The last thing he wanted to do was upset you. Seeing you in pain was worse than enduring the Cruciatus curse and Merlin knew he had plenty of experience in that regard. Thanks to his cruel, ruthless father. Theo started to apologize, but startled when you cradled his face in your hands, your gaze full of bravery and determination.

“Emotions don’t make you weak, Teddy. You’re allowed to feel. You’re allowed to grieve and rage and cry. You don’t have to be so strong all the time.”

The words struck him to his very core. It had never occurred to him to let his armor fall. He wasn't aware that was even an option. All his life, Theo thought that repressing every ounce of emotion was the only way to cope with his mother’s death. He wasn’t granted permission to speak of her, much less grieve over her. Self-preservation had been drilled into him even before he was sorted into Slytherin. It was how he survived.

“I don’t?” He asked in a broken whisper.

“No, you don’t.” You replied, pressing your forehead against his. “I’m here for you and I won’t judge you for being vulnerable.”

Theo swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I don’t want to weigh you down with my burdens.”

“You won’t,” you promised. “Whatever heaviness you’re carrying, I’ll carry it with you. You never have to do anything alone, Teddy.”

The ice in his chest cracked and the armor he so carefully crafted around his heart splintered off into a million tiny pieces. It should’ve terrified him, but instead, all Theo felt was relief. You were giving him a safe space to feel. A luxury that had been ripped away from him the day his mother died.

“I miss her so much.”

With those five words, Theo felt the dam break. Years and years of sadness and anger and grief washed over him like a tidal wave, flooding his heart with the intensity of it all. The rush of the current would have wiped him out entirely if it hadn’t been for your arms wrapping around him, holding him to the present like an anchor. Theo clung onto you for dear life and sobbed.

He sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. He cried until the front of your sweater was soaked with his tears. He cried until his throat was raw from screaming. He cried until his eyes were bloodshot and red and as heavy as lead. Through it all, you hugged him tightly, holding him against you firmly as you rubbed his back and whispered soothing words in his ear.

“It’s okay, Teddy. Let it out. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Theo gripped the back of your sweater, bunching up the fabric between his fingers as he unleashed ten years worth of grief out into the open. You didn’t balk at any of it. The two of you had weathered the good, the bad, and the ugly together and none of it had scared you off. Theo believed you when you said that you weren’t going anywhere. To you, it was a sacred promise. One that you had kept faithfully since the day you met him.

“I’m here for you,” you declared in reassurance, rocking him back and forth. “I always will be.”

He didn’t know what he did to deserve someone like you. During times like these, Theo was convinced that you were his guardian angel. A gift from above to offset all the shit and misery that life brought. It was cathartic to cry in the arms of the girl he loved because he knew that you would hold him as he fell apart and put him back together in a way that only you could.

After what seemed like ages, Theo finally looked up. With a sniffle, he watched with an awestruck expression as you wiped the tears from his cheeks and kissed his forehead.

“I got something for you,” you whispered softly. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, but I think it might help. It’s a way to commemorate the loss of your mother, but to also honor the happy memories that live on in your heart.”

You fished around in your bag and pulled out a small paper lantern. As you held it in your hands, it glowed as though enchanted.

“Back home, we light these lanterns and release them to honor the loved ones we’ve lost. I asked my mum to mail me one and it just arrived in the post this morning. Special delivery.”

Just when Theo thought he was all out of tears, a fresh wave crashed over him. He was the reason why you’d trudged out in the snow and frost so early in the morning. To pick up the most thoughtful gift that anyone has ever given him. Theo couldn’t help but bawl.

Your eyes widened. “Oh no. I didn’t mean to upset you. We don’t have to do it if you want to. I can send it back—“

Theo shook his head. “No, no, no. It’s perfect. It’s the most thoughtful thing anyone’s ever done for me. Thank you. For writing to my crazy old nonna and letting me get snot all over your favorite sweater and turning a shit day less shitty. Thank you so much, Y/N.”

You smiled, brushing his waves back. “You don’t have to thank me, Theo. I’d do anything for you. That’s what you do for the people you love.”

His breath caught in his throat. Theo looked up at you with hopeful eyes. “You love me?”

“With every fiber of my being.”

Before he knew it, Theo was crying again, but this time it was happy tears. He leaned in, cradling your face in his hands just like you always did to him, and pressed his lips against yours. The kiss was so soft and so gentle, like he was afraid that you might disappear.

“I love you, Y/N,” he declared with certainty. Theo loved you like the moon loved the sun. He loved you like the shadows loved the stars. You were the light that he’s been waiting for in the darkness. “I think my mum would’ve loved you too.”

You smiled, intertwining your fingers together and kissing his knuckles. “I wish I had the chance to meet her.”

“You still can,” Theo said with a smile. “Will you show me how to light the lantern, cara mia?”

After you showed him how to enchant the lantern, Theo was able to light it by himself. The lantern glowed in his hands as he looked over at you. “What’s next?”

“Usually, we say a few words to honor the dead. It can be as short or as long as you’d like.” Theo swallowed thickly. He seemed to be grappling with his thoughts, searching for the right words. You grabbed hold of his hand and squeezed. “There’s no right or wrong way to do it. As long as it comes from the heart. Don’t be scared, Teddy. I’m right here.”

Theo nodded, smiling softly as he squeezed back. He composed himself for a moment and stared at the lantern.

“Ciao, mamma. It’s Teddy. Today was really hard. It’s been ten years since I lost you, but I still feel you everywhere. I miss you a lot. I’m sorry that I never talk about you. Even now, it still hurts. But I’m learning that sometimes you just have to let yourself feel the pain. That it’s okay to let other people in and let them carry the burden with you. I’m lucky, mamma. I have nonna and my cousins and my mates. I have Y/N. She takes care of me. She always asks me about my day. She remembers every little thing I tell her, like the fact that I hate crusts on my sandwiches and pineapple on pizza.”

You chuckled as his nose scrunched up in disgust. The sincerity of it all made your heart feel like it was overflowing with love for this beautiful boy. “She’s always bossing me around and fussing over me, but I secretly love that she cares so much. She’s got such a big heart, mamma. I’m lucky to even occupy a small portion of it. I guess what I’m trying to say is, you don’t have to worry about me. I’ve got Y/N to watch over me. I love you and I miss you. I promise I’ll talk about you more. Ci vediamo, mamma.”

Your eyes welled with tears as Theo released the lantern. He turned to you, wiping a tear away. “Hey, none of that,” he teased. “I’ve cried enough for the both of us tonight, love.”

“I’m sorry. That was just so beautiful. I’m so proud of you, Teddy. I know it wasn’t easy, but you were so brave.”

He leaned down to kiss your temple. “Couldn’t have done it without you, cara mia.”

Theo laced his fingers through yours and tugged lightly. “Now come on, dolcezza. Let’s get inside where it’s warm. I know you’re dying to lecture me about being out in the cold for this long.”

You chuckled, not even the least bit surprised at how well Theo knew you.

Later that night, after the two of you dried off, changed into pajamas, and snuggled underneath your warm blankets, you listened as Theo told stories of his mum. You laughed when he recounted the time his mum hexed Lucius for stealing her shampoo in third year. You cried when he recalled the way she’d always let him curl up in her bed after a nightmare, singing him to sleep and soothing her Teddy.

In one night, the memories that he kept locked away in his heart for ten years came spilling out of Theo. You soaked up every detail like a sponge, hanging onto his every word. The sun was rising by the time he exhausted himself, but he felt so much lighter than he ever had. With your arms wrapped tightly around him, Theo knew that he was loved beyond measure. He could feel the affection and devotion radiating between you, like an invisible string that tied the two of you together.

As you spooned him, Theo grinned and kissed your fingertips. “Thank you for letting me talk about my mum. I’ve never told anyone any of that before.”

“What makes me so special?”

Theo turned over and smiled. “You make me feel safe,” he whispered in the darkness. You teared up at his words, knowing how hard it was for Theo to let his guard down. The fact that he allowed himself to be vulnerable around you was a privilege that you’d never take for granted. “You take all my fucked up, broken pieces and put me back together again. With you, I feel whole.”

“It doesn’t matter how many times you fall apart, Teddy. I will always be here to pick up the pieces.”

“Me too,” Theo murmured sleepily. He leaned over and kissed you, soft and sweet and pure. Your heart ached for him. You were convinced that your soul would’ve searched through infinity and back just to find him. “That’s what you do for the people you love.”

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#i am so sorry for doing this to all of you but if i had to cry about him then you do too #theo nott #theodore nott #theo nott x you #theo nott x reader #theo nott x y/n #theo nott imagine #theo nott smut #theodore nott x you #theodore nott x reader #theodore nott imagine #theodore nott smut #theodore nott x y/n #theo nott fluff

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