#Red Grange

[312cards]

Red Grange, 1933 Sport Kings

[werewolfsmile]

I was tagged by @lindseymcdonaldseyelashes to put my music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs + tag 10 people.

The Hero - Nathan Wagner

Come Over (Acoustic Mixtape) - Sam Hunt

Red Earth Dirt - Greta Stanley

Power Over Me - Dermot Kennedy

Should Have Known Better - Jessie James Decker

Till There's Nothing Left - Cam

Howl - Florence + The Machine

Heavy Stone - Kyla La Grange

Right Here - Ashes Remain

The House Rules - Christian Kane

Tagging: @independent-fics @dinotoaster @vampiritea @undisclosed-serendipity @sagiow @combat-librarian + anyone else who wants to do this, just say I tagged you!

[emotionalsupportbastardmen]

Round one of the Bastard Man (affectionate) championshionships is complete!

Let's take a moment to appreciate everyone who got knocked out in round one, and everything I like about them.

Mammon (Obey Me)

Mammon the love of my life Mammon. </3 Yes he's a demon, yes he's the avatar of greed, yes he's "the scummy brother", but with a heart of gold, deep down inside. Very deep down. Plus he's funny and secretly sensitive and he likes to cuddle. <3 I'm honestly shocked he got knocked out in round one, I always thought he was quite a tumblr darling.

Hercule Flambeau (Father Brown)

Everyone loves a gentleman thief, don't they? Especially one with a homoerotic relationship with his narrative foil? A master of disguise? A secret sadboy with a tragic backstory? A man who broke out of prison? World's sluttiest absent father? When will your man ever.

Inspector Mallory (Father Brown)

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA. He's such a funny character. Little angry northern bastard man. He's awful, and should be easy to hate, but he just suffers so often and suffers so beautifully, you can't help but root for him to win, just once. And he loves his kids! A short king and a DILF.

James E. Negatus (Yonderland)

Listen. Listen. I could never love anyone like I love Negatus. He occupies a special and unique part of my heart just for him. He's babygirl. He's daddy. He's cringefail. He's badass. He's gender. He's really really kinky. I cannot understate this, this is the fetish fuel show and it's like 70% his fault. He's on a mission to kill the hero but he's also sort of in love with her. I'm never not going to go feral for that. He has a tragic backstory and a softness for small children and small animals. He's canonically committed multiple warcrimes, several murders, and also demon-genocide. He's done nothing wrong ever in his life <3

Louis Fairhead (Casualty)

My sweet prince when will he return from war? It's been so long since the show ever even so much as acknowledged him. He wasn't even at his own father's wedding to a woman Louis was practically part-raised by. I think he's fallen into a crack in space and time. Anyway I love Louis. I don't even think he's a bad guy. He's had the most traumatic life imaginable. His mother died in a car accident while he was in the car. He got kidnapped once. One time he nearly got blown up. This was all before he was ten. Then as a teenager he became a drug addict. And as a young adult he had a heroin overdose. I think he's within his rights to be an angry and emotionally distant man. I would defend him to the death. I just want him to be safe and happy and healthy. Feel like pure shit just want him back.

Aristide Valentin (the Father Brown books)

First of all Aristide Valentin did nothing wrong so jot that down. YES he committed murder. But he murdered a Catholic pro-guillotine billionaire so it barely counts. He also stole human remains but this is tumblr, we're used to that. He's a skilled swordsman with a vast sword collection which is just the sexiest thing imaginable. YES he's rude to everyone but you don't UNDERSTAND, he's a genius surrounded by idiots, he gets frustrated. Also he's Parisian, they're just like that I think, he can't help it. Honestly his only real crime is smoking while on the underground platform at Liverpool Street station. That's unforgivable.

Barclay Beg-Chetwynde (BBC Ghosts)

Honestly one of the funniest characters in the show, I don't even care. Every episode he's in is a delight. Every single line delivery is so deliciously bastardly. And he makes a brilliant foil to my two favourite characters, Julian and Alison. He's great.

B.Z. (Santa Claus The Movie)

I love this movie. I love this movie a lot. I've watched it at least twice a year every year since I was a toddler. Often more. I could quote the whole film by heart. And my guy B.Z. is by far the most quotable character. Highlight of the whole film. Every single line of his lives rent free in my head. He has beef with Santa Claus for literally no good reason. He chained up a child for even less good reason. He invented Christmas 2. He exited the movie by eating too many magic flying lollypops and floating away into the stratosphere. Utterly unhinged from first scene to last. Literally no-one could ever compare.

Kerr Avon (Blakes 7)

Ah, Avon. I was obsessed with him as an edgy teen. I think in many ways he is the edgy teen appeal character of his genre. He's like the Shadow the Hedgehog of dystopian sci-fi. I mean this as a sincere complement. And he's once again by far the most quotable character in the show. I feel like that's a very important factor for a good bastard man. Quotability.

I won't say I could fix him, because I don't think anyone could. But I wish someone could.

Cat (Red Dwarf)

My sweet underappreciated boy. In many shows he would be the beloved bastard man. It's not his fault he shares a show with Arnold Rimmer, and you simply can't outdo the do-er.

But everything he does, he does it in ~ style ~

Randal Graves (Clerks)

This character means such a lot to me. He's the worst, of course. He sucks. You wouldn't want to know someone like that in real life. But that's part of what's so tragic about him. He's already resigned himself to the fact he's an unlikeable asshole loser, and has long since given up even trying to make new friends, and now he's a deeply lonely weirdo trapped in a toxic co-dependant relationship with the only real friend he has, who he's simultaneously obsessed with and sort of in love with (no homo) (maybe homo) and would die for, but also treats terribly. He's just such a sad odd man. I think about him often.

Ray Carling (Life on Mars/Ashes to Ashes)

Ray my best friend Ray. Yes okay so he's wildly homophobic and misogynistic, but like. Underneath that he's a very sweet and compassionate man, I promise. He's just trapped under the crushing weight of insecurity and self-loathing and societal expectations of masculinity. His backstory is heartbreaking. Absolutely devastating. I won't go into details because spoilers but Jesus Christ. He's the world's number one most single man, being the only one left not paired up out of the seven main characters across both shows, which hardly seems fair. He deserves a nice love interest I think. Give him a nice girlfriend, or lean into the "Ray is suffering from internalised homophobia" implications that Ashes to Ashes leant into occasionally and give him a nice boyfriend if you want, I don't care which, just give him someone.

Mentally I am holding his hand and buying him a pint right now.

Julian Cantley (literally one single episode of Heartbeat)

Choo choo, all aboard the brainrot express. Get in loser we're forming deep emotional attachments to characters with like 20 minutes total screentime. Anyway I'm obsessed with him right now. It's disrupting my drive to create content for characters with actual fanbases because I just keep thinking about Brooding Spy Man Whomst Only I Care About instead. He's just so quiet and angry and brooding. I have so many headcanons for him. I've even headcanoned what his entire flat back in London looks like. Send help.

Ryan Reeves (The Dumping Ground)

Ah he's just a baby. Just a little guy. Who could stay mad at him. Yes the way he'd learn his lesson only to go back to being evil again 2 episodes later got frustrating, but like. He loves his sister and he rescued Harry and Finn. He's not all bad. Apart from when he's being a teenage supervillain lurking in the shadows for no reason. But it's all because he's SAD, you don't UNDERSTAND,

Michael Doyle (Grange Hill)

Look. He stopped being racist after he turned like 13, okay? He just became a petty criminal and politically corrupt instead. And his dad sucks, his dad says worse stuff than Mickey ever did, he was clearly just parroting his dad when he was wee. And there's something so sad and lonely about him. The way he always tries to join in with the group only get pushed out because everyone finds him unbelievably awful. The way he so wants to be Alan's friend. The way he only has the two friends he's got because he pays them to be his friend. Poor little guy. I have to believe he got it together eventually. I have to believe him and Justin were pals by the time they went to sixth form together. I have to.

Ralph Passmore (Tucker's Luck)

It's Mr Passmore! He means such a lot to me. I'm so happy they started portraying him sympathetically in series 2 because honestly? His rage is so justified. He's unemployed and he's already been cast aside as unemployable. His family have already given him up as a lost cause. His only friend and ally in his family is his younger sister, who ends up leaving home to get away from how verbally abusive their parents are. He drinks to cope and joins a gang for the companionship. He finally gets a job after years of unemployment but finds out it's exploiting vulnerable fellow working class people in his community so he angrily and aggressively quits, after befriending and supporting an old lady. What a king.

[agentgrange]

Will we get to know more about Agent Yancy and Riley? Is Grange meant to imply they are related or are they part of the same "cell' if that term could be implied in MIDCON RED?

By 1980, MIDCON leadership is in a difficult spot. Gone were the glory days of OD FREE BIRD in the 70s, when it was staffed at all levels by silver foxes and human wrecking balls who cut their teeth with the OSS fighting side-by-side with the communists in Yugoslavia, Burma, and Indochina. Something changed behind the scenes, and in short order the old guard were phased out while members from Department of the Interior inter-agency task forces were profiled and brought in. Clay Stone was one of those new guys brought in around 1975. He was well liked too, both by the old guard and the rookies. He had been prior military, flying with Air America over Laos before he got out on Section 8. After a few years of NA, he'd straightened up and found work as a Helitak operator putting out fires for the Bureau of Land Management. He was picked out for not only his experience but his *unorthodox* attitude toward the CIA. It was clear, even then, he was being groomed for command and to carry on the MIDCON torch.

Only it didn't end up that way. Stone didn't make it out of Black Canyon Wilderness School, but Grange did. Grange was his young protege, a junior case officer who had difficulty adjusting to MIDCON from his position at the Depart of Energy National Labs. What should have been an easy mission in MIDCON's backyard ended with MIDCON losing the best hope it had to outlive the first generation and Grange standing in a Clay-shaped hole. He's not Stone, and he's no Fairfield. But he's whats left to lead the new generation in the face of an ever shrinking and aloof executive committee. At least the new members know Yancy's name, thats more than can be said about whoever's still alive at the top. After everything he saw at Black Canyon, Yancy told himself he'd never have children. But a RHEA URANIDE doesn't wash off so easily, and pushes you in weird places. Liaisons with Scarlet Women for strange rituals to pierce the veil. Somewhere, decades later a young man signs up to join the Department of Fish and Wildlife. He grew up poor and rural, with a knack for killing. His stepfather taught him how to take that instinct and hunt boar though, which has now become a single minded passion he seeks to make a career out of. His biological father, he was told, worked for the National Parks service or something at one point and a family name is one of the only things left that open up doors for entry level positions these days.

[holmesillustrations]

Dogs Bracket is here! It turns out a lot of these dogs are horses, but there was exactly 32, which is perfect for our purposes 🐶🐴🦁

Currently on Semifinals

Most of us are i think familiar enough with the stories that this wont be a surprise, but just in case i do want to warn that a few of these illustrations feature violence against or by the animals in question, i'll tag those specifically when we get to their polls as 'animal violence'

Full list of competitors under cut:

(Illustrations in blue were already out, those in green have been newly eliminated)

[Colliers Cover Illustration] Missing Three-quarter, FD Steele

"On the ledge of rock above this strange couple stood three noble buzzards" Study in Scarlet, Charles Doyle

"He laid his hand upon the glossy neck." Silver Blaze, Sidney Paget

"Close to the door of the cage lay Mrs. Ronder, with the creature squatting and snarling above her." Veiled Lodger, FD Steele

"Silver Blaze" Silver Blaze, Sidney Paget

"Phosphorous!" I said. Hound of the Baskervilles, Sidney Paget

"THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES." Hound of the Baskervilles, Sidney Paget

"There's our man, Watson! Come along." Hound of the Baskervilles, Sidney Paget

"The carriage rattled past." Missing Three-quarter, Sidney Paget

"There in the centre lay the unhappy maid where she had fallen" Hound of the Baskervilles, Sidney Paget

"THE DRIVER POINTED WITH HIS WHIP—'BASKERVILLE HALL,' SAID HE" Hound of the Baskervilles, Sidney Paget

"I SAW HIS EYES FIX THEMSELVES OVER MY SHOULDER." Hound of the Baskervilles, Sidney Paget

"Holmes crouched behind the bush with the dog as the carriage approached." Shoscombe Old Place, FD Steele

"Running up, I blew its brains out." Copper Beeches, Sidney Paget

"Holmes gazed at it and then passed on." Abbey Grange, Sidney Paget

[Mycroft's brougham] Final Problem, Harry C. Edwards

[Woman with horse] Shoscombe Old Place, FD Steele

"As I slipped the bars it bounded out, and was on me in an instant." Veiled Lodger, FD Steele

"The dog sniffed round for an instant, and then with a shrill whine of excitement started off down the street." Missing Three-quarter, Sidney Paget

"Dog and man were rolling on the ground together, the one roaring in rage, the other screaming in a strange shrill falsetto of terror." Creeping Man, HK Elcock

"Holmes darted forward and barred their way." Lady Frances Carfax, Alec Ball

"They bundled him into a cab that was beside the kerb" Red Circle, HM Brock

[The professor and his dog] Creeping Man, FD Steele

"Holmes emptied five barrels of his revolver into the creature's flank." Hound of the Baskervilles, Sidney Paget

"We got off, paid our fare." Speckled Band, Sidney Paget

"We were to go to the theatre… suddenly he darted away into the fog." Bruce-Partington Plans, FD Steele

[MacPherson's Dog on the beach] Lion's Mane, FD Steele

"THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES." [Frontispiece] Hound of the Baskervilles, Sidney Paget

"How far to Wallington?" Cardboard Box, Sidney Paget

""Too late, Watson; too late!" cried Holmes" Solitary Cyclist, Sidney Paget

[Lion] Veiled Lodger, FD Steele

"At the same moment Holmes stepped out and released the spaniel." Shoscombe Old Place, Frank Wiles

Full graphic with nothing greyed out:

And finally, i wanted to include every animal illustration, but i did leave out the two from Blue Carbuncle with dead geese, those are not dogs they are ingredience.

Edit: I realised i completely messed up the order of polls in the original bracket, all fine for round 1's results but would have caused problems for round 2. The current one is correct, but obviously had to be shuffled around a lot, so the numbers by each one show their order from round 1 for future reference, sorry bout that!

[jasonsknight3]

Part two! @eva-sparda20

Warning: intermediation? There isn’t much in this one.

Passing by

(AK Jason d Sweet waitress reader)

Today was a cloudy Saturday, not raining though which was an unusual thing. There was always rain with clouds but not today. Not on your day off. Not that it mattered sense you weren’t going out anyway. Your day off was spent watching movies, napping, snacking, and a few hobbies you finally had time for. The man you met hasn’t come back to your dissatisfaction. As intimidating as he was, you felt a force of attraction to him. Not just his pretty eyes and face, not just the way he made your heart leap in all kinds of nervousness but, the mysterious air about him. The alluring mystery to his personality. You still hadn’t figured him out. Not that you really had time to when you first met him. He was on your mind near constantly for the past three days and two nights. There was so much you wanted to know, to explore. He had your attention so much, it honestly bothered you how quickly you felt…attached. It wasn’t love but it was something. A connection somehow.

Around 6:00 pm the sky grew a little darker and you put on the second movie of the day, a personal favorite. The 1950’s movie “Scaramouche” with Stewart Grange in it. A dramatic movie with romance, sword fighting, comedy, and so much more. It wasn’t everyone’s favorite but you enjoyed it. Watching. As the movie plays you feel your eyelids getting heavier and heavier. The last thing you remember was when Andre Moreau jumped in the wagon proclaiming his love to Aline De Galvrillac.

The sound of wood dragging against wood against wood woke you up. Opening your eyes you rub them trying. To rub away the sleep from them. Peering behind the back part of the couch, you look into the kitchen. You gasped as you saw a figure standing there next to the open window you swear you locked. The figure slid off his green baseball hat revealing a familiar face. Your body relaxed a little. It was him, he wasn’t wearing his armor though, instead, he wore a red hoodie, gray pants, and some hiking boots. “You’re back.” You said softly trying to hide your excitement for the much welcomed surprise visit. Getting up stretching you walk to the kitchen. “What did you come here for?” You ask stopping to rest against the counter. “I was actually hoping you wouldn’t be here.” He said flatly. That drug a little but you half expected it. You tried to keep it light, ignoring the comment. “Yea, I have Sundays off. Um…” you look around your eyes settling on the microwave. 8:00. Before you could speak he said “you should really lock your window.” You nod “yea, it’s actually broken. It doesn’t actually lock.” You explained sheepishly. “You should fix it.” There was a long pause before you said anything else. “Would…would you like some dinner?” You question. He looked at the floor for a moment and looked back at you silently longer than comfortable. “Fine.” A part of you felt relief at his acceptance but you also felt he had ulterior motives for staying. You didn’t mind though, you felt as though it wasn’t anything bad. “Does spaghetti sound good?” You ask him. “Sounds fine.” He replied unenthusiastically. Grabbing pots, noodle, ground beef, mushrooms and all the seasoning you set all the items out to start.

As you filled up the big pot with water he leaned against the counter next to the stove. “So, what’s your name hm?” Him asking questions was a surprise but you answered happily. “Um, (F/N).” He hummed in response before continuing. “I could tell you worked at a diner the first time I saw you but I just want to know if my assumption is correct.” You smile, “yea, I work at a diner.” You say heaving up the pot of water and setting it on the stove. Turning the knob and pausing til you hear the three clicks to finally turn it up to nine. The fire caught and started to heat up the water. “Which one?” He questioned you. You looked at him for a moment before answering “why are you asking? What’s with starting all these questions?” You ask curiously. He frowns as if his reasons were obvious. “To make sure that you keep your word.” The water began to boil. Putting in the noodles and storing for a minute you respond. “How would asking me these questions keep me in check? Besides, I'll keep you a secret.” You say as you start to brown the meat. He seemed frustrated. “Your word isn’t enough. Secondly,” he stepped close to the way he presented himself was intimidating, making you shiver a little. “I’ve done my research, you know. I know you to a level others don’t. Your name is (F/N) (M/N) (L/N), I know you are (age), dropped out of college, work at Paul’s diner on Maigani island, on grande Avenue, the one that was rebuilt a year ago, I know your medical history, I know you’re originally from (redacted). Escaped your family, now you're here. I. Know. Everything.” Your heart hammered in your chest, your face no doubt reflecting panic and terror. You didn’t really realize the gravity of who this man was. Possibilities swam in your head. Has he been stalking you? Was the night you helped him planned? Stepping back he relaxed. “Calm down, it’s not that hard to find all of that information, not for me. Let’s just say I used to work for the supposed “best detective” there ever was. I’m a vigilante. I hunt criminals down regularly. Hunting down your information was easy. As for your question about how it helps me “keep you in check” by asking questions. Think of it as a test. I ask what I already know and based on your answer I learn how honest you really are.” It was a lot to take in but it all made at least a little sense. Why he was hurt, why he wore the gear, why he knew so much about you. It all made more sense but still freaked you out a little. You quietly start to add the red sauce. You didn’t know what to say, you felt so exposed, you didn’t have a criminal record but it felt as if he knew every sin you committed.

Out of the corner of your eye you see him looking out the window when his body suddenly jolted , his body going stiff, his head slightly snapping to the side before returning to looking out the window. He closed his eyes for a moment before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, putting it to rest between his lips. Taking a deep inhale he then blew out the smoke. You look at him nervously before saying “could you please open the window?” His iceberg eyes shifted to you. Wordlessly he opened the window letting the cool air of the night carry the smoke out. Within fifteen minutes the spaghetti was ready. The final touches were adding rosemary, mushrooms, pepper, garlic, and some basil. Making a plate for him he takes a seat at the table and begins to eat. Even if he tried to hide it you could tell he was really enjoying the home made meal. After making your own plate you lean in against the opposite counter and begin to eat as well. Once you chewed a few bites you managed the courage to ask him “what’s your name?” Pausing just before taking another bite he eyed you down before replying “No need for you to know.” Not really happy with his answer, you add a little pressure. “Well you know so much about me already. Seems fair I should know at least something about you.” He chewed his bite slowly considering. “I don’t play fair (F/N).” I don’t owe you an explanation but…my name is Jason. That’s all you get.” You smile “Jason, seems fitting.” You say, his facial expression changed, he seemed a little weirded out or at least didn’t know what to say to that. It was honestly kind of funny…cute even. “Yea, well, don’t get too excited. It’s just a name.” After eating he thanked you for the meal.

Before leaving he said “don’t forget to, I am keeping tabs on you.” He paused one more time halfway through the window “and fixed that window lock. You're just asking for trouble.” With that Jason left. This meeting felt different. There was so much that happened in one setting, being left with many emotions, fear, attraction and the biggest of all. Curiosity.

[thefisherqueen]

My top 12 Sherlock Holmes short stories

Time for a bit of reflection! Now I've read all the Sherlock Holmes short stories, which ones are my favourites, and why? It was a hard choice, but these 12 are my favourites. If you haven't read Sherlock Holmes yet any of these stories might be a good place to start.

The priory school. I love this story for its twists and turns, lots of countryside field work by Holmes and Watson, and the delightful passenges of Sherlock Holmes daring to stand up against a rich, powerful man

The six Napoleons. This story is just good fun all around: delightful interactions between Holmes and Watson and Lestrade, a gruesome murder, an original story idea, and a suprisingly touching ending

Silver blaze. This is just an excellent mystery, with many clever hidden details to catch. A quite wholesome countryside adventure overall

The Abbey Grange. Domestic abuse and addiction are examined with much empathy in this story. The two female characters are amazing, and the ending shows Holmes as a caring man that is oriented towards justice instead of punishment

The illustrious client. All the characters in this story are just great, from the frightful abusive, to the infuriating, to the delightful and fierce, and the ending left me quite shaken. Of course the opening scene with Holmes and Watson visiting the Turkish Baths iconic

Charles Augustus Milverton. Milverton is the most creepy villain to ever exist. I hated him so much I made him even worse in a fic I'm currently working on. Oh, and Holmes and Watson acting gay and doing crimes, of course!

The solitairy cyclist. This story does an actually good job of examining the vulnerable position of domestic staff, especially of women. The young female client is a delight. I got so invested in this story towards the end

The red headed league. A very funny story with an unexpected, exciting ending. Holmes and Watson drop everything to go on a date in the middle of it and that is very valid of them

A scandal in Bohemia. The original Irene Adler story that is somehow more feminist than its modern adoptations

The Bruce-Partington plans. In my opinion, this story has the most cleverly put together mystery of all. Also, trains. Also, Mycroft Holmes! :)

The Northwood builder. Sherlock Holmes' desperation and fear for the sake of his client is tangable throughout this whole story, it showcases excellently how much he cares. Also a great commentary of how vulnerable suspects are to the whims and biases of the police. And Holmes is being iconically overdramatic at the end

The blue carbuncle. A very wholesome christmas themed story, funny, with memorable interactions and a thought-provoking, radical ending

[solreefs]

so you want to read Sherlock Holmes?

the canon of Sherlock Holmes as published by Arthur Conan Doyle consists of 56 short stories and 4 novels. that’s a lot. I think most of the issues people run into with reading Sherlock Holmes can be broken down into three questions:

what order do I read them in?

where do I find them?

are there other ways to experience them?

I’m going to tackle these one at a time and I’m adding a cut to save your dash. be forewarned.

1- what order do I read the stories in?

there isn’t really one good answer to this. the stories themselves were not published in chronological order, and Conan Doyle himself was notoriously inconsistent with dates. the adventure of the red-headed league is a particularly good example of this (the month inexplicably changes from June to October in the space of a page).

there exist several timelines made by Holmes scholars over the years, of which William Baring-Gould’s is probably the most well-known. you can find it here. (this website, the Arthur Conan Doyle Encyclopedia, is also a great resource for learning more about Sherlock Holmes stories and their many adaptations.)

(Baring-Gould’s chronology gives Watson multiple marriages; only one wife is ever mentioned by name in the stories, but it is difficult to make a coherent timeline where Watson is only married once.)

another method is to read the stories in publication order. this is the easiest way, since the short stories were published in 5 collections after being printed in the Strand Magazine. these collections are:

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, containing stories published from June 1891 to June 1892.

The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes, containing stories published from December 1892 to December 1893.

The Return of Sherlock Holmes, October 1903 to December 1904

His Last Bow, 1908 to 1917

The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes, 1921 to 1927

including the 4 novels, publication order would be:

A Study In Scarlet

The Sign of Four

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes

The Hound of the Baskervilles

The Return of Sherlock Holmes

His Last Bow

The Valley of Fear

The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes

a third way, and probably the most popular, is just to skip around and read whichever stories catch your interest. given the lack of an official chronology and varying levels of popularity of the stories (the hound of the baskervilles is quite well-known, but have you ever heard of the valley of fear? probably not) which can affect how easy it is to find them, this approach might be the most practical.

I’m also going to be totally honest: you do not need to read all 60 Sherlock Holmes works unless you want to. the stories vary quite a bit in quality, and Conan Doyle is a much better short story writer than novelist. to that end, here’s my recommended twenty stories and the year they were written. the order listed corresponds to the chronology I made myself, but it’s only a suggestion, unless otherwise noted.

A Study in Scarlet (1887) note: if you are going to read this, it makes most sense to read it first, since it deals with how Holmes and Watson first met.

The Adventure of the Gloria Scott (1893)

The Adventure of the Resident Patient (1893)

The Adventure of the Speckled Band (1892)

The Adventure of Silver Blaze (1892)

The Adventure of the Greek Interpreter (1893)

The Sign of Four (1890)

A Scandal in Bohemia (1891)

The Boscombe Valley Mystery (1891)

The Adventure of the Red-Headed League (1891)

The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle (1892)

The Adventure of the Copper Beeches (1892)

The Final Problem (1893)

The Adventure of the Empty House (1903) note: read this right after the final problem, otherwise it won’t make much sense

The Hound of the Baskervilles (1901)

The Adventure of Charles Augustus Milverton (1904)

The Adventure of the Abbey Grange (1904)

The Adventure of the Dancing Men (1903)

The Adventure of the Illustrious Client (1924)

The Adventure of Shoscombe Old Place (1927)

2- where can I find the stories?

as of last year, all of Conan Doyle’s Holmes stories are in the public domain, which makes finding copies of them online much easier. I really love Project Gutenberg, which is an archive of over 70,000 ebooks, including all of the Sherlock Holmes stories! you can download pdfs from that website, or just read them online. the Arthur Conan Doyle Encyclopedia, linked in the previous section, also has the text for all of the stories.

honestly, because it’s all public domain now, just searching “[story] pdf” should get you a lot of good results. if you don’t want to read them online, the Holmes stories are obviously quite well-known, and asking for a novel or short story collection at your library is a good bet. your library might have audiobooks or ebooks of these stories too.

as for translations, Sherlockian.net (another great website) has links to translations in Esperanto, French, German, Italian, Japanese, and Spanish. Project Gutenberg has Polish, Dutch, and Finnish versions of some of the stories, though the selection is quite limited. these are all the links I have at the moment, but the stories have been translated into over 70 languages, so I’d be happy to look for more if anyone asks.

3- are there other ways to experience these stories?

yes! this youtube channel, The Sherlock Holmes Radio Show, has audiobooks for most of the books, the BBC’s radio drama adaptations of the stories, and the radio show adaptation done by Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce. if you prefer your stories in audio format, I highly recommend looking through their videos.

one of the most beloved screen adaptations of Sherlock Holmes is the Granada Studios tv series The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. often referred to as “Granada Holmes”, the series starred Jeremy Brett as Holmes, and David Burke (seasons 1-2) and Edward Hardwicke (seasons 3-4) as Watson. it ran from 1984 to 1994, and was renowned for its commitment to accuracy.

the earlier episodes especially are about as close to one-to-one text to screen adaptations as it’s possible to get. they didn’t adapt every story, and they made some changes (they do not adhere to any established chronology, and Watson never marries), but if you don’t have time to read a whole story, chances are there’s a forty-five minute Granada episode you can watch instead. you can find a youtube playlist of all the episodes here.

finally, I wanted to mention a podcast called However Improbable (link goes to their website). every other week, they air an episode reading one of the stories out loud, and then an episode discussing it. they use Baring-Gould’s chronology, and the podcast is enjoyable both as a new and a long-time Holmes fan. I also like the flexibility that their format offers. if you only want to listen to the stories, you can do that! if you want to read the story on your own and then just listen to the analysis, you can do that!

it is an ongoing podcast, and as of posting this, they’re up to the adventure of the naval treaty.

—

and that’s all I have for now! thanks for reading this, and good luck in whatever you decide to do with this information. if you have more questions, I would love to answer them. I’m always down to talk about Holmes.

also, please let me know if any of this information is wrong or if any of the links are broken.

[wellbelesbian]

Seven Sentence Sunday

thanks for tagging me @hushed-chorus!

here's another snippet from my Shoulder To Shoulder sequel fic. i had originally wanted to post it yesterday as that was the day of Durham Miner's Gala, but didn't finish it on time, so i'll just post it when i get it done.

Even the yellow and white LGSM banner is smaller than most here, made with wood, fabric and paint we could get for cheap from hardware and crafts stores.

"Now, that's just showing off." Niamh rolls her eyes as another banner passes us. It's twice the size of most of the others, a portrait of four bland, blonde men shaking hands while limply holding a clover, thistle, rose and daffodil. At the top it reads Durham Miner's Association, Trimdon Grange Colliery, and at the bottom, Unity is strength.

"Do you think they're compensating for something?" Agatha nudges Baz suggestively and he shakes his head with a chuckle.

rambling and banner photos below the cut

i'm allowed to make fun of the trimdon grange banner, it's my hometown's and everyone agrees is stupidly large and hard to carry. why does it need this massive red trim? just to be big and obnoxious!

(picture is my own)

anyway. i said this in my author's note at the beginning of Shoulder To Shoulder, but my great uncle Tommy (my grandad's big sister's husband) was a big figure in the Miner's Union. he died of cancer about ten years back and hundreds of miners came to his funeral to pay their respects.

his side of the family lives pretty far away, and i don't get to see them often, but yesterday was Durham Big Meeting (also known as the Miner's Gala), a huge gathering of ex-miners where they march with their banners. it's a celebration and memorial in one. and this year, my uncle has been painted on a new banner (he's the one in the middle), so my extended family came up for the weekend. turnout was actually lower than usual due to the rain, but ah well.

my great auntie, his wife, asks me every time i see her "have you got a girlfriend yet?" (i'm chronically single 😭) and told me she wishes her husband had still been alive when their grandson came out, and could have met his boyfriend. i have every faith that he would have been an ally, just like her. he was such a strong, funny, loving man.

so yeah. this new fic was inspired by that banner (also the Mark Ashton Trust and LGSM banners) and the Miner's Gala, and then I decided to explore more things Simon and Baz would have lived through between the end of STS and now.

hopefully i can finish it in at least a somewhat timely manner.

tags and hellos: @forabeatofadrum @j-nipper-95 @artsyunderstudy @that-disabled-princess @prettygoododds @confused-bi-queer @imagineacoolusername @ic3-que3n @aristocratic-otter @larkral @ivelovedhimthroughworse @cutestkilla @shemakesmeforget @fatalfangirl @ebbpettier @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @alexalexinii @youarenevertooold @shrekgogurt @bookish-bogwitch @thewholelemon @shutup-andletme-go @supercutedinosaurs @theearlgreymage @ileadacharmedlife @alleycat0306 @carryonsimoncarryonbaz @comesitintheclover @blackberrysummerblog @orange-peony and @noblecorgi

[americanphysco]

WalMart Supercenter

A Rumpus Original Poem by Erika Meitner

God Bless America says the bumper sticker on the racer-red

Rascal scooter that accidentally cuts me off in the Walmart parking lot

after a guy in a tricked out jeep with rims like chrome pinwheels tries

to pick me up by honking, all before I make it past the automatic doors

waiting to accept my unwashed hair, my flip-flops, my lounge pants.

The old man on the scooter waves, sports a straw boater banded in blue & white,

and may or may not be the official greeter, but everyone here sure is friendly—

even the faces of plastic bags, which wink yellow and crinkle with kindness,

sound like applause when they brush the legs of shoppers carrying them

to their cars. In Port Charlotte, a woman’s body was found in a Jetta

in a Walmart Parking lot. In a Walmart parking lot in Springfield,

a macaque monkey named Charlie attacked an eight year-old girl.

I am a Walmart shopper, a tract-house dweller—the developments

you can see clearly from every highway in America that’s not jammed up

on farmland or pinned in by mountains. I park my car at a slant in the lot,

hugged tight by my neighbors’ pickups. I drive my enormous cart

through the aisles and fill it with Pampers, tube socks, juice boxes, fruit.

In the parking lot of the McAllen Walmart, a woman tried to sell six

Bengal Tiger cubs to a group of Mexican day laborers. A man carjacked

a woman in the parking lot of the West Mifflin Walmart, then ran

under a bridge and disappeared. Which is to say that the world

we expect to see looks hewn from wood, is maybe two lanes wide,

has readily identifiable produce, and the one we’ve got has jackknifed itself

on the side of the interstate and keeps skidding. The one we’ve got has clouds

traveling so fast across the sky it’s like they’re tied to an electric current.

But electricity is the same for everybody. It comes in the top of your head

and goes out your shoes, which will walk through these automatic doors.

In the Corbin Walmart parking lot a woman with a small amount of cash

was arrested for getting in and out of trucks. A man stepped out of his car

in the Columbus Walmart parking lot, and shot himself. I get in the checkout line

behind a lighted number on a pole. The man in front of me jangles coins

in his pocket, rocks back and forth on his heels. The girl in front of him

carefully peels four moist dimes from her palm to pay for a small container

of honey-mustard dipping sauce. In the parking lot of the LaFayette Walmart,

grandparents left their disabled 2 year-old grandson sitting in a shopping cart

and drove away. Employees in the parking lot at the La Grange Walmart

found a box containing seven abandoned kittens. I am not a Christian or

prone to idioms, but when the cashier says she is grateful for small mercies,

I nod in assent. Kyrie eleison, Christe eleison. The Latin root of mercy

means price paid, wages, merchandise, though now we use it as

compassion shown to a person in a position of powerlessness,

and sometimes forgiveness towards a person with no right

to claim it. God is merciful and gracious, but not just.

In the Walmart parking lot in Stockton, a man considered armed

and dangerous attacked his wife, beating her unconscious.

A couple tried to sell their 6-month-old for twenty-five bucks

to buy meth in the Salinas Walmart parking lot. We who are in danger,

remember: mercy has a human heart. Mercy with her tender mitigations,

slow to anger and great in lovingkindness, with her blue employee’s smock

emblazoned with How may I help you? Someone in this place have mercy on us.

[mygwenchan]

Meanwhile Nont is having a spa day with master Prom. Looks like a pretty nice pool actually :)

Flashback time~

We're back in Prom's sex dungeon bedroom. Finally we're getting to the good part 😋

Nont is still trying to continue his investigation, despite being scared as hell. Boy has grange cojones that's for sure!

One thing Nont has missed though: Nuthyim91 literally reads like "not him". So I guess Nuth is not our culprit! (also Nuthyim91 obviously isn't Prom either)

Yes, we would like to switch roles, please 😌

YESSSS~

That's the good stuff :D

OMG 👀

I'd like to point out that this is already the second time Nont has threatened someone with a knife. And that he also owns the same red-black knife that the dog guy used on Nant...

Oh, they actually have a master-slave contract. That means they must've been regular partners

Also Nont totally blew his cover just now. If Prom hasn't already suspected he isn't Nant, now Prom knows for sure

I ran the contract through the Google translator, so you guys don't have to

Oh how the turn tables...

End of flashback~

And the tables have turned again!

Prom is now helping Nont to solve Nant's case and the rumors are true, all the Playboyy boys were involved with Nant!

[kittenintheden]

Rules: shuffle your On Repeat playlist and post the first 10 tracks, then tag 10 people.

Tagged by @tjmystic (fun, thank you! also love an 80s heavy playlist <3)

"Basket Case" - Green Day

"No Lover" - Jetty Bones

"Fire and the Flood" - Vance Joy

"That's All" - Jetty Bones

"Vampire Smile" - Kyla La Grange

"Graveclothes" - Birdtalker

"I Want You" - Third Eye Blind

"It's Alright" - Mother Mother

"Dark Red" - Steve Lacy

"Innocent Party" - Jetty Bones

lol I feel like I might. have an aesthetic idk. a vibe if you will.

tagging: @avenananana @brain-rot-central @tallymonster @olivedrop @carooosa @lipstickghoulie @breenlala @cursedhaglette @vixstarria @eluvisen

[marzipanandminutiae]

a short list of songs that could be about Lucille Sharpe, sung by Lucille Sharpe, or just have Lucille Sharpe Energy

Stolen Roses (Karen Ellison)

Frozen (Within Temptation)

Everything Burns (Ben Moody ft. Anastasia)

Vampire Smile (Kyla La Grange)

I Dreamt I Dwelt In Marble Halls (Michael de Balfe and Alfred Bunn)

My Beloved Monster (The Eels)

Wine Red (The Hush Sound)

Moderation (Florence + the Machine)

The Garden (Mirah)

O Death (Jen Titus)

Poisoned With Love (Neon Hitch)

Rose Red (Emilie Autumn)

Waltz no. 14 in E minor (Chopin)

If I Burn (Emilie Autumn)

Girl With One Eye (Florence + The Machine)

(note that additions are not curated and do not necessarily reflect OP's Song ThoughtsTM)

[the1920sinpictures]

1926 Football hero Red Grange in his 1926 Lincoln Phaeton. From the Jazz Age Vehicle Archive, FB.

[jamesbetch]

Begin Again

Chapter 2

Soon enough the six kids fell into a long conversation, getting to know another. The Thornhart siblings asking the four friends questions to get to know them better. Well, Chris was the one who did most of the talking out of the two siblings.

They got to know that Harry and Luke were halfbloods, Hermione was a muggleborn and Ron was a pureblood. How Harry and Luke didn’t have any other siblings, Hermione was an only child and Ron had five brothers and one sister.

When Stephanie asked Ron where his siblings were, considering he was a pureblood and they weren’t at Hogwarts, she found out that they had all died in an accident alongside his parents.

This caused the young girl to frantically apologize, feeling guilty for opening her mouth and asking an invasive question. Soon enough, awkward silence filled the compartment once again.

Chris, trying to be a good brother and help his sister not feel guilty anymore, moved on to ask Harry and Luke about their parents.

Which caused the compartment to fill with awkward silence once more when they answered that they were orphans.

Hermione trying to clear the air, explained she was also an orphan and that’s how they all knew one another. They lived in the same orphanage and were already friends by the time they received their Hogwarts letter.

Shortly after, the conversation picked up again and they tried to forget about the awkward situation.

Ever since they had introduced themselves, Stephanie had been dying to ask Harry and Luke if they were related to James, considering they had the same last name. But then again she didn’t think it would be a good idea to ask them that considering they had stated that they were orphans and lived in an orphanage.

Her thoughts are cut off when the door slides open. Standing there were four boys, who were already dressed in their Gryffindor robes.

The first boy she sees has black hair that reached his shoulders and grey eyes. He wore a wide grin as he stared back at them.

Next to him was a taller boy that had scars running across his face. He had light brown hair with brown eyes. Unlike the first boy, he wore a small smile.

On the other side, by where Chris was sitting, was a much shorter boy who had mousy brown hair and blue eyes. He kept on looking around at all of them, almost as if he was nervous.

Lastly, standing there in the center was none other than James Potter. James Potter with his messy hair, blue eyes, round glasses and wide grin. He somewhat glanced at the other kids in the compartment but his attention was completely enthralled with her.

The girl with the long dark brown hair, that was wearing it in a half up hairstyle, that was sitting there staring back at him with her dark brown eyes.

Both kids staring at each other with the same lovesick look in their eyes.

“Miss me, Steph?”

“Of course I did. I haven’t seen you in a year.” She replies before quickly standing up and giving him a long awaited hug.

“Hey! What about me? I’m your best mate, not her.” Chris asks with an offended look on his face.

“Yeah but you’re not his future wife. She is.” The first boy says with a cackle. “Sirius Black.”

Stephanie shakes his hand with her face burning a hot red at his comment, before introducing herself.

“Oh, trust me, I know who you are.” He replies. “James never shuts up about you.”

“That’s not true!”

“Yes, it is!”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

At this, she tunes out their bickering before turning towards the tall boy with the scars. She sticks her out towards him with a kind smile before introducing herself. She does the same with the short boy with the blue eyes.

“Remus Lupin.” He replies with a small smile.

“P-peter Pettigrew.” The short boy replies with a nervous look on his face.

“Who are they?” She hears Sirius ask.

By this point, Stephanie had sat back down again. She turned to look at them, just to find them with the same shocked look as they stare at the four boys standing by the compartment door.

“I’m Hermione Granger.”

“Granger? I’ve never heard that last name before.” He replies.

“I’m a muggleborn.”

“Oh, that explains it. What about you three?”

“I’m Ron Weasley.”

“You’re a pureblood?” James asked.

“Yes.”

“So you’re related to Arthur Weasley?” Sirius asked him.

Stephanie didn’t know who Arthur Weasley was. Her mother may be a pureblood but she never taught any of her children to have that pureblood supremacy ideology. Which is why she didn’t know much about other pureblood families.

“No!” Ron quickly yells out. “No, I’ve never heard of him before. Might just be a coincidence.”

“Maybe.” He replies with a slight shrug.

“What are your names?” Remus asks the Potter brothers.

“Harry,” He replies before pointing towards his brother. “and Luke Potter.”

“Potter?” James asks excitedly. “I’m a Potter too.”

“Are you guys related?” Chris asks.

“Not that I know of.” He replies before looking at the boys. “Are we?”

“I’m not sure. Might just be a coincidence.”

“Maybe.”

The boys continue to ask them all questions while James mostly paid attention to Stephanie.

Soon enough, they left to go back to their compartment with Chris leaving with them, after making sure that his sister would be fine being left alone with her newfound friends.

“So, what house do you want to be in?” Luke asks Stephanie.

“I’m not sure. I mean all of the houses are great but I kind of don’t want to be in Hufflepuff because I don’t have any brothers in that house anymore and I don’t want to be left alone.” She replies. “But I still wouldn’t necessarily mind if I did end up in Hufflepuff. What about you?”

“I think I’ll end up in Gryffindor.” He replies, knowing that he did in fact end up in Gryffindor.

“Gryffindor is a good house. My dad was in Gryffindor. And my brothers, Will, Matt and Chris are also Gryffindors.”

“I think all five of us are going to end up in Gryffindor.” Harry says.

“Really? I don’t think I’m necessarily brave though and that’s like the main trait of a Gryffindor.” She replies.

“Maybe you’ll grow to become brave.” Luke says.

“Hopefully.” She mutters under her breath.

————————————

Soon enough the Hogwarts Express arrives at Hogsmeade Station. They had already changed into their robes a while back. As they got off the train, they could hear a loud voice that came from none other than a half giant.

“Firs’ years follow me! Firs’ years! Oveh here.”

Stephanie stares at the half giant in amazement. The tallest person she knew was her dad, who was 6’2’, but he easily towered over her dad.

“Yeh’re the las’ Thornhar’, aren’ yeh?”

“Yes, I am. I’m Stephanie.” She replies. “What’s your name?”

“Yeh can call me Hagrid.”

“Nice to meet you, Hagrid.” She says with a smile before remembering his first question. “Do you know my brothers?”

“O’ course. Lovely lads, they are.” He replies causing a wide smile to spread on her face.

They, alongside all the other first years, head to where small boats are waiting for them. She, followed by Hermione, heads to a boat where two boys were already sitting in.

A boy with brown hair was sitting at the front while Stephanie sat down next to a boy with black curly hair and grey eyes, Hermione sat behind them.

She wanted to make more friends and be more social, like her mom and dad encouraged her to be, and knew the only way was for her to come out of her shell and talk to others. So that’s what she did.

“Hi, I’m Stephanie. Stephanie Thornhart.” She says with a shy smile while sticking her hand out to the boy beside her.

He looks at her hand, almost as if calculating whether it would be a good idea or not to shake her hand. Before she knew it, his cold hand enveloped hers.

“Regulus Black.” He replied.

Unbeknownst to Stephanie, Hermione quickly stiffened at the sound of his name. She knew who he was and knew he had done something important, but couldn’t remember what.

“Oh! Are you related to Sirius? I met him on the train, he’s friends with my brother.”

“Yes, he’s my brother.” He replied stiffly.

“That’s nice.” She replies, not knowing what to say, before turning to look at the other boy. “What’s your name?”

“Barty Crouch Jr.” He replies while looking back at her.

“Nice to meet you, Barty.” She says while shaking his hand. “This is Hermione. Hermione Granger. I met her on the train.”

At that, the two boys turn to look at girl who was sitting at the back of the boat. She offered them an awkward smile before sticking her hand out and shaking theirs.

Soon enough, their conversation ends as the boats start moving across the Black Lake. Stephanie stares out in amazement, her mouth hanging open in awe at the scenery of the castle.

“Ev’ryone put yer heads down.” Hagrid yells out.

The boats take us towards a curtain of ivy before we are carried along a dark tunnel as if we were under the castle. They reach an under-ground harbor before they are instructed by Hagrid to step out of the boats.

They all walk up a set a stairs before walking through the front entry and another long staircase where they are told to wait for a Professor to come out.

In the meantime, all the first years talk amongst each other as they waited. Harry, Luke, Ron and Hermione weren’t far away from where she was standing. She noticed that Regulus and Barty were still standing next to her, which caused her to start a conversation with them.

“What house do you two want to be in?”

“Slytherin. Though I wouldn’t mind if I got into Ravenclaw.” Barty replied.

“What about you, Regulus?”

“Slytherin.”

“My mom was in Slytherin. And I have three brothers who are also Slytherins.”

“All of my family has been in Slytherin.” Regulus says which causes Stephanie to nod. “What about you? What house do you want to be in?”

“Oh! I’m not sure. I don’t think I’m smart enough for Ravenclaw, and I don’t have any brothers left in Hufflepuff. So maybe Gryffindor or Slytherin.”

“The two rival houses?” Barty asks in surprise.

“Yes, well my mom was in Slytherin and my dad was in Gryffindor. So I wouldn’t mind if I was in either of them.”

Their conversation is cut short as Minerva McGonagall walks out and stands in front of them. The sight of the witch causes the young girl to let out a gasp excitedly before a wide smile is plastered on to her face.

“Hi, Minnie!” She says while waving her hand excitedly.

This causes all of the other first years to turn to look at her causing her to stop waving and awkwardly look around at her peers.

In that moment she realized that they obviously didn’t know that she has know the older witch her entire life, as she was her godmother.

She was her father’s favorite professor, and head of his house, which caused them to have a close relationship. She always told her dad that he and Rhaenyra were going to end up together. And she was right.

“Hello, Ms. Thornhart.” McGonagall replies with a smile that was barely noticeable.

“Welcome to Hogwarts,” said Professor McGonagall. “The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory and spend free time in your house common room.”

“The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rule-breaking will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the House Cup, a great honour. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours.”

“Now, form a line and follow me.”

A couple of kids are formed at the front, than it was Barty, Regulus, Stephanie, Luke, Harry, Hermione, Ron and more kids at the back of the line.

As they enter the Great Hall, Stephanie’s eyes immediately look around in awe. She looks up at the ceiling that looked like the sky before she feels someone slightly hit her arm as she walked past the seated students. She quickly looks back in their direction, only to find her brothers, Will, Matt and Chris smiling and waving at her causing her to do the same.

They were sitting towards the very end of the table, towards the area where the Professors were sitting in, in case she was sorted into Gryffindor. She turned to look at the Ravenclaw table and saw that Cole and Atlas had done the same thing. Then she looked towards the Slytherin table and saw Damian, Damon and Lorenzo had also done the same as the rest of her brothers.

She immediately knew that they had planned this to ensure that she didn’t sit alone for her first dinner at Hogwarts, in case she hadn’t made any friends on the train.

This caused a wide smile to appear on her face and she turned to wave to all of her brothers once they stopped walking at the front of the Hall.

Sure, she would have loved for Alex, Ezra or Flynn to still be attending Hogwarts in case she was sorted into Hufflepuff but she knew she was going to be fine with the rest of her brothers. Even if she was sorted into Hufflepuff, she knew they wouldn’t care about the rules and immediately go and sit down right next to her.

With all of her thoughts she didn’t realize that the Sorting Ceremony had already begun. She quickly paid attention once Regulus’ name was called.

“Black, Regulus.”

“SLYTHERIN!”

“Crouch Jr, Bartemius.”

“SLYTHERIN!”

A couple of more kids were sorted before Hermione was called.

“Granger, Hermione.”

“GRYFFINDOR!”

More kids where called before it was the Potter brothers turn.

“Potter, Harry.”

“GRYFFINDOR!”

“Potter, Luke.”

“GRYFFINDOR!”

She knew that it was going to be her turn soon. There was only a couple of letters before it got to her last name and she was scared. There was so many people watching and she was scared that she was going to disappoint her family.

She knew her parents didn’t care what houses their kids were placed in, all her brothers were examples of that. They were still proud of them no matter what. But she was scared that she wasn’t going to be sorted at all. That they were going to realize she wasn’t good enough, that she wasn’t magical enough, and kick her out.

Before she knew it, Minnie was already calling on her. She stayed frozen on her spot before Ron slightly nudged her and flashed her a small smile.

“Thornhart, Stephanie.” Minnie called out again.

She turned to look at her, causing the older witch to give a smile only Stephanie would notice. She walked up to the stool with shaky legs before sitting down. Minnie placed the Sorting Hat on head, which caused her to jumó once it started to talk.

“Ah, another Thornhart. The last and only daughter of the Thornhart family.”

She could feel everyone’s stares on her causing her to look nervously around the room. She turned to look at each of her brothers, each of them flashing reassuring smiles at their little sister which caused her to calm down.

“Where to put you, where to put you. You’re smart, very smart. You have a level of wit that isn’t seen in many. Oh but you’re kind and have a level of patience many wish to acquire in their lifetimes. But you’re determined and have a thirst to prove yourself. Prove to others that you are worthy. You’ll grow to become brave. Desperate to protect the ones you love. And you hold loyalty to the highest account, preferring to end up hurt than betray the ones you love.”

Stephanie was utterly confused.

She didn’t think she was any of these things that the hat just said. She didn’t think she was smart, determined, brave, or cunning. Sure, she was kind and loyal but she had no idea where the other traits came from.

She knew that all those traits the hat said were about all four houses. This caused her to start panicking because what if what she was afraid of happening, was actually going to happen? What if she didn’t get sorted into any of the houses and was kicked out of Hogwarts.

Her thoughts are cut off at the sound of the Sorting Hat’s voice.

“Yes, I know where to put you.” The hat said causing Stephanie to hold her breath. “Let it be…”

“GRYFFINDOR!”

She lets out the breath that she was holding as she hears Gryffindor house burst into cheers. All of her brothers, even the ones that weren’t in Gryffindor, were standing up while loudly cheering for her causing her to break out in a wide smile.

She feels the hat being removed from her head causing her to look up at Minnie. She flashes a wide smile at the sight of her godmother looking back at her with a proud look on her face.

“Go on, Ms. Thornhart.” She says with a nod.

Stephanie quickly jumps out of her seat and runs over to the Gryffindor table where Will, Matt and Chris immediately bring her in to a group hug while congratulating her.

She sits down beside them before looking at her brothers in Ravenclaw and Slytherin. She giggles at the sight of their theatrics and sends them kisses.

As she looks further down the Slytherin table, she finds Regulus and Barty sitting together. Barty was cheering with a wide grin while Regulus was clapping with a smile that he was trying to hold back. She flashes them a big smile and waves at who she hopes to be her new friends.

“Bloody hell, Steph! Could you have taken any longer to get sorted?” Matt asks jokingly.

“What do you mean?”

“You were a Hatstall.” Will replies.

“What’s a Hatstall?”

“It’s when the Sorting Hat takes longer than five minutes to sort you into your house.” Hermione, who was sitting across from her with Harry and Luke beside her, replies.

“I took five minutes to get sorted?” I ask in shock.

“Almost six, actually.”

[themonotonysyndrome]

Bound by hearts, not by blood

It's here! It's finally here! Happy birthday, darling @moonandstarlightsposts! DSJFBDSJ - I had so much fun writing this bday gift for you. Can you believe it? Before this, I've never written anything about our ladies - Kalina and Farah. Well, that changed now! I know how much Kalina means to you, so I hope I did her justice.

(This bday gift contains headcanon from a Redacted fan @/running-tweezers. You'll know which one when you read it.)

Anyway, happy birthday, wifey! I hope you'll have a wonderful day! And thank you @Broccoli for the fanart~

-

Summary: While unwinding with two of his friends, William Solaire is delightfully surprised when Bright Eyes crashes their night.

In scenes where old and new money rubs elbows underneath glimmering chandeliers, it's common knowledge that William Solaire is never without an attractive face at his side. No matter the event, a betting pool and a letter of invitation addressing the Frenchman go hand-in-hand with tongues wagging: "Have you heard who William Solaire is bringing tonight?"

They differ from time to time - flashes of the paparazzi's camera couldn't get enough of the Victoria Secret's model that was his plus-one during the Met Gala. His business associates at the Festival de Cannes flocked around; their inquires concealed by a barely polite veneer about the handsome actor clasping his arm. No matter where he goes, a man with a powerful sway in the international real estate market, a net worth beyond $1 million and air about him as if he steps out of a Renaissance painting, a spotlight will always shine on William Solaire and by extension, anyone he associates with. 

For the Empowered world, William's beaus never made it in the newspapers. What stirs every topic of conversation, though, is when the Solaire Patriarch is attended by two of his women. A pleasant evening can turn into a political nightmare whenever a Vampire King is accompanied by a pair of Old Bloods after all. 

But tonight, the world sighs in relief for William is with friends instead of bodyguards, basking in their company with vintage red wines on a silver tray.  A roaring fireplace lit up the leisure room, and warmth seeps through hidden corners. The chilly night air is Autumn's herald, but the three Vampires are tucked away inside a beautiful manor. 

"This is an excellent Pinot Noir, Kalina dear," Reclining on a plush armchair, William toasted his glass in appreciation. "Is this Cheval Blanc 1947?" 

Moroz Kalina, clad in nothing but a red lingerie and a pair of high heels, shakes her head. Her golden hair tumbles off her shoulders like a waterfall. The red marabou robe drape on her body paints an alluring image of the woman. "Penfolds Grange Hermitage from 1951. Thought you might like it." Her Slavic accent is thick and sensual, especially when she caresses every word that leaves her lips. 

As someone with a palate that had been delicately cultivated over the years, William raises his glass again. This time, to the Ukrainian Vampire for her immaculate taste in wine. 

"I do so enjoy these moments together. It's a welcoming reprieve from a tiresome day." William admits, setting aside his now empty glass. "I hope neither of you will take it to heart that I often relieve my burdens here." 

Kalina tries to shrug but can't because of the body leaning against her left side. So she waves a dismissive hand. "We have spent our years together for far too long to be petty. You need to complain, William? Then complain. The night is still young after all and we always have a spare room for you here." 

"You're cooking breakfast if you're staying, though," A new voice chimes in. The woman who has her head nestled on Kalina's shoulder yawns, shadows from the hearth dance across her glistening fangs. Unlike the two who had been drinking, she let the warmth of the fire lull her into a sleepy stupor with her legs tucked on the sofa-bed. In contrast to Kalina, who looks as if she just stepped out of a photoshoot, this Old Blood is wearing a tiny pair of black panties and a grey crop top that fails to cover her generous breasts; Simple in terms of sleeping garb but no less breathtaking when it comes to beauty. "I've been craving for something French ever since we came back from Champagne." Farah - William's second most trusted Old Blood - added. 

Kalina grins, lightly nudging her. "Did you not eat a Frenchman last week? Was he not enough?" 

"I meant food, Sayang (Love). I shouldn't have drunk from him, anyway. He was a chain smoker. That shit taint even the blood." Farah turned her nose up in a grimace.

"My poor Lady," Kalina coos. Her grin is then directed to an amused William. "There you go. We insist that you stay, William. It has been a while since you amazed us with your culinary skills. I am also looking forward to breakfast now."

"Then I best not disappoint. Do either of you have any special requests?"

The trio discussed the finer details of tomorrow's menu and compared it to what's available in the pantry and fridges. While blood will always be sustenance to Vampires, eating food is one of the aspects of humanity that none were willing to lose. Farah, in particular, has a fondness for the cuisines of the world. 

" - saw this one video from a Korean YouTuber. She made breakfast scrambled but the ingredients were Boujee. I think we might have the ingredients since I ordered some groceries from Whole Foods. I'll share the link - " Farah suddenly stopped rambling. Kalina makes a questioning hum when she detaches herself from her side and pads to the large window beside the fireplace. A cold breeze sweeps in as Farah takes a step back. 

The three silently watch as a body tumbles through the window in a mess of limbs and an oversized hoodie. 

A painful and muffled groan echoed in the leisure room. "I deserve that major L..."

William recognises that voice. He straightens up in his seat and with bewilderment coloured the low timbre of his voice, he asks, "Littlest one? Are you alright?"

Farah drops to her knees. She uses whatever healing Magic in her arsenal to close up the cuts on Bright Eyes' exposed skin - their face and hands. Bright Eyes roll to their back, making no move to get off the carpeted floor.

"Like a horse on Ketamine!" The youngest Vampire in the Solaire Clan declares with a thumbs up in the air.

William's eyebrows knit in concern. That becomes apparent when two of his dearest friends merely chuckle. He kept any reservations to himself and, instead, observed carefully how Kalina and Farah treated Bright Eyes; Frederick's Progeny and the ward of a very reluctant Sam. It's no secret to anyone in the Clan that the tension wove between those three is thicker and more complicated than any spider's web. No secret as big as a pair of young adults murdered by a trespassing Old Blood on home turf can be kept, so the grapevine exploded before William could even officially welcome the two new young Bloods. William would like nothing more than to step in, guiding Sam through a landmine of emotions (both his and theirs), but it wouldn't be ethical since he served as their leader first and foremost.

At times like this, William hates how the crown serves as his ball and chain. At times like this, he's grateful for Vincent's discretion and his ability to seamlessly slide himself into any situation without politics weighing him down. 

"Frederick is settling down at his own pace," William's Second Blood reports during a dinner together. William personally delivered a list of his Progeny's favourite blood type to his chef just for the occasion. Vincent had built a solid rapport with the young man, enough to be considered as a friend, and that deserved a reward. "He's thinking about enrolling at D.A.M.N; said he used to enjoy studying at his old university. Sam's probably gonna give him a crash course about it soon." 

"And what of young... Bright Eyes?" 

Vincent hesitated. "If they're not snapping their new baby fangs at me, they enjoy throwing words around like a flashbang. Most of the time, I think they speak English, but what do I know apparently? I don't live on Reddit or 4Chan's comment threads." He explained, playing it cool, but William felt the suspicion underneath. 

"And here I thought you're quite up-to-date with the modern lingo, Vincent." 

Vincent huffs. "There's modern lingo and there's thrash talk from the Internet. Bright Eyes has a Master on the latter because I can barely keep up when they start talking in gaming terms." 

And that's all William could get about Bright Eyes. A temperamental and wise-cracking Newborn with a hidden depth in them. 

Watching how wide Farah smiles as she carries a stammering Bright Eyes into her arms and dumps them on the sofa so she and Kalina can box them opens up a whole new perspective for William. First off: He had no idea that the three of them were close enough for Bright Eyes to break into their home through the window.

"Oh, Маленка(Kiddo)... while that was certainly more graceful than that time you tried to - hmm, what is that word? Wiggle? Ah, yes - down the chimney, what happened to the key that we gave you?" Kalina croons, her breasts smothering the Not-So-Newborn in a warm hug. A brutal combat medic on the battlefield. A head-turning 'ɡädəs (goddess) on the streets and Farah's Heart - those are the familiar labels associated with Kalina. Maternal never once made it into the repertoire, but here she is, lavishing Bright Eyes with all the comforts akin to a doting yet exasperated mother. 

"It accidentally fell into the toilet when I was flushing it along with his watch." Bright Eyes confessed with a dramatic gasp of air. Finally able to escape from the older Vampire's bosom. They didn't squirm away like William thought they would. Instead, Bright Eyes made themselves comfortable between them. 

"Aku lah... budak nakal betul!" ("Honestly... what a naughty child!") Farah retorts in her native tongue - Bahasa Melayu. Her smile turns amused as she perches her elbow onto the armrest with her head resting on her palm. "Vincent did something again to annoy you?"

"He came by when I was tryna helped Ricky study for a damned test paper - "

"The school isn't damned - " William can't help but mutter as an interjection but at the same time, he's too fascinated by Bright's ranting to stop them. 

"And he wouldn't stop hovering like a Karen in front of the cash register at Starbucks! It was annoying! I bet his orders are just like those caucasoidal femoids - "

Kalina snorts while William realises that it was a mistake to drink again. 

"And you'd think he took the hint when I dissed that he's 3 edges away from being a Sonic OC but the guy just stares at me as if he had a concussion!"

"And then?" Farah prompts. 

"Then I said the RGB lighting inside of his new car looks like a noob Twitch streamer set up so that was a major L for him and he ran to the kitchen but not before I pulled a Sneak 100 and grabbed his Patek Phillip." 

William blinks. Farah snickers. Kalina pats on Bright's shoulder, looking a bit proud. 

"I sympathise Vincent's plight now." For the first time in a long while, the Solaire King is utterly out of his depths. He had no clue how he should react to the verbal onslaught that came out from his Great Grandprogeny. 

Thankfully Farah takes pity on him, "Stick around long enough and they'll start making sense." 

"I... see." Well, if anything, William is quite good at rolling with the punches. Plus, nonsensical ramblings or not, he's not passing the opportunity to learn more about his youngest Blood, whether Bright Eyes acknowledges that or not. "Then please, treat me as your eager student."

William didn't miss the surprise flashes across their face. Like a veteran actor, a mask slides back into place to hide their minuscule reaction. William can hazard a guess that they thought he was about to rebuke them for making fun of Vincent. It makes him wonder if that is a habit of Sam's. 

"I-I didn't know you guys were busy," Bright Eyes stammers, clearly trying to figure out their footing against him. Their eyes sneak a glance to their sides, gauging Farah and Kalina's temperament even after receiving a warm welcome from William's most powerful enforcers. "Uh... sorry for crashing your pow-wow. You guys gettin' hammered?" 

"We invited dear William for companionship and good wine to celebrate his return from overseas," Kalina explains, picking up her glass again. It was still half-full so she threw another carefree toast at William. "He has worked hard for us. Our King deserves to rest his crown for a night, no?" She teases and downs her wine to the very last drop. 

William doesn't deign to roll his eyes but does refill his glass. An image of a curious kitten comes into mind when Bright Eyes leans into Kalina's now empty glass to sniff at it. 

"Whoa! It's like my nose being plugged by liquorice!" Bright Eyes exclaims. Childish wonderment shines through their nickname. A part of William - who suffers through turmoil after turmoil during the first few years of his Turning - is relieved. Despite everything, there's still some innocence left in his littlest one. A Vampire's heightened senses are a lot to take in, so William is glad that Bright found some humour in it. 

Meanwhile, Bright Eyes thrust their arms to the tray beside Kalina, making grabby hands at the wine bottle. One of Kalina's finely shaped eyebrows raises in inquiry even though the young Vampire's gesture is well understood. 

"Use your words, Маленка (Kiddo)." 

"Fine... can I please have the liquorice-smelling drink so I can get hammered too? C'mon, Kalina. It's a celebration, right? A party!" Here Bright Eyes cast a pleading glance at William. Though their lower lips wobble, a calculative gleam pierces through their eyes. 

William didn't verbally defend Vincent when Bright sort of bullied him. He can almost hear the gears running in their head: Just how far can I push this man who can easily rip my head off into drawing his line in the sand? It's a survival tactic; against an unknown threat, the best course of action is to gently push the predator - to gauge its reaction - and then pull back before it has a chance to attack you. William doesn't need a Seer to tell him that Bright Eyes will grow into a formidable Vampire in a couple of centuries with a mindset like theirs. 

However, Farah chose to interject. She rubs Bright Eyes' back. "Tell you what, I'm craving something sweet. We got some of those ice-creams that you like. Sundaes for a Sunday - what do you think?" 

Childlike glee overtakes cold, calculation on Bright Eyes. It's an endearing look to William. They sprint away, followed by Farah at a much slower pace. A reasonable distance rests between the kitchen and the leisure room so that William and Kalina can converse without having to mind Vampiric sensibilities. But just in case... 

"De toutes les choses que j'attendais ce soir, Bright Eyes a été une délicieuse surprise." ("Of all the things I expect tonight, Bright Eyes' came as a delightful surprise.") William comments, that tenor voice adds a layer of beauty to his native tongue. 

The three of them - William, Kalina and Farah - had lived long enough and travelled well enough that mastering languages became as easy as collecting foreign postcards. 

Wine forgotten for now, Kalina sets aside her glass in favour of eyes fixing on the door behind her King. "Ми з Фарах ніколи не мали звички відмовлятися від безпритульних. Особливо таких поранених, як Брайт." ("Farah and I are never in a habit of turning away strays. Especially one as wounded as Bright,") She drawls when her eyes turn to William, they hardened. "Ваш герцог засліплений своїм горем, спричиненим вашою принцесою. Замість того, щоб залікувати свої рани, він зганяє їх на тому, хто страждає від наслідків, які він не може контролювати." ("Your Duke is blinded by his grief caused by your Princess. Rather than heal his wounds, he takes it out on someone who suffers consequences out of their control.")

William can't refute that he's blindsided by her observation, not when he harbours similar suspicion whenever he sees how Sam treats Frederick and Bright Eyes. The difference was a cause for concern and yet... 

"Qui doit intervenir ? Le roi ? Mais alors j'abuserais de mon autorité sur ceux que je considère comme ma famille," ("Who should step in? The King? But then I'd be abusing my authority on those I considered family,") William closes his eyes. "Samuel ne se sent pas à l'aise de me voir autrement que comme son supérieur et le jeune Bright Eyes n'a pas encore décidé si j'étais un ami ou un ennemi. Ni l'un ni l'autre n'apprécierait mon intervention." ("Samuel is not comfortable seeing me other than his superior and young Bright Eyes is still deciding if I'm a friend or foe. Neither would appreciate my intervention.")

Helplessness isn't a foreign concept to William; it's an old friend even. However, it's been a long, long time since it came to visit him. 

"Семюель встановив свої кордони з тобою. Брайт ще ні," ("Samuel laid down his boundaries with you. Bright has not yet,") Kalina surmised, her beautiful expression vacant as she pondered. "Я думаю, що знаю спосіб, як ви можете їх завоювати. Цій дитині буде корисно мати більше людей на своєму боці." ("I believe I know a way that you can win them over. It will be good for that child to have more people in their corner.")

William has been wanting to dote on a GrandProgeny for about, oh, a century now. Alexis and Vincent were so quick to fly off from the proverbial nest that he missed how noisy the mansion could be. Hmm. Perhaps if he's able to understand Bright Eyes, they in return, will indulge his doting. 

Seeing eagerness dawn on William made Kalina chortle. She likes him like this - free of the crown, allowing the ever-curious and ever-hopeful man to emerge. 

William leans forward and laces his fingers together, a picture of attentiveness. "J'adore les bonnes histoires. Dis-moi, quoi que tu prévoies, est-ce la même méthode que celle qui permet de ramener un chat errant dans un foyer chaleureux?" ("I do so love a good story. Tell me, whatever it is that you're planning, is it the same method that corrals a stray cat into a warm home?")

They both can hear footsteps and chatter returning to the leisure room so Kalina playfully leans forward to whisper. "Після того, як ви забезпечили їжу та ліжко, на черзі іграшки та ігри. Тобі пощастило, Вільяме - Брайт давно не грався з нами." ("Once you made food and bed available, next comes toys and playtime. You are in luck, William - it's been a while since Bright played with us.")

The door swings open just in time. Farah and Bright Eyes return with triumphant smiles akin to conquers. Kalina spread her arms wide and Farah assumed her prior position, only this time, she's carrying a tall glass of crisp rice treat sundae with a generous helping of maple syrup. Meanwhile, Bright Eyes is holding up two sundaes. They hesitate at the doorway before marching towards William. The Vampire King is utterly delighted when they thrust one of the sweet treats to him. 

"Oh my, thank you ever so kindly, littlest one," William smiles beatifically and accepts his sundae. A familiar scent twitches his nose. "Vanilla ice-cream topped with lightly grilled strawberries and glazed in balsamic, what an interesting combination." 

Bright Eyes chooses to perch on a window seat, not unlike that of a spoiled cat. Their sundae is peanut butter ice-cream topped with salted pretzel sticks and garnished with slices of bananas and drizzled with honey - a dentist's nightmare. "Yeah, I saw you snacking on strawberries during that dinner party. Vanilla 'cause... ya know. Balsamic to match your Boujee vibe." And with that, they quickly shove spoonful after spoonful of ice-cream into their mouth to avoid speaking further. 

How is it possible for fondness to bloom like a field of sunflowers? Bright Eyes' silliness inspires William to write poetry about the early years his Progenies came into his life, including Sam, Frederick and Bright Eyes. For now, he enjoys how flavours dance on his tongue. "Delicious. I do believe I have a new favourite dessert." 

Bright Eyes let out a tiny smile. They bit their lower lip, hesitant about something - only for a split second though. "I heard you spoke French just now. I'm sorry, by the way. That's got to be my least favourite disability."

William's spoon freezes in mid-air, in between his gaping mouth and sundae glass. The man is too stupefied to speak. 

"William?" Kalina suddenly chimes in, currently enjoying being spoonfed by a doting Farah and the look on William's face. The two women shared a beaming smile before mischievous eyes trailed to him. "Would it be too much of a trouble to reschedule the patrol roster tonight?"

"Not at all. Do you want to take over tonight's shift?" 

"It's a full moon tonight. WonderWorld will soon come alive, yes?"

Bright Eyes notices the change in expression on William and Farah - a secret smile is shared between the Old Bloods and it immediately hooked Bright Eyes' curiosity. "Aite. Emergency meeting: y'all look Sus with a capital S. Too bad this isn't my spaceship or I'd eject the three of you." 

"You can't eject 3 Crew members at once." Farah is quick to correct them.

Bright Eyes stick their tongue out, the perfect picture of petulant. 

"You have never been to WonderWorld on a full moon, have you?"

"Nada. Why? What's happening tonight?" 

"A rite of passage."

-

Tony is 14 years old. But tonight? Tonight he'll be a man. 

"Here we are brats. Wonderworld!" One of the older teenagers - Noah - spread his arms like an expert showman to the abandoned amusement park before them. If it weren't for the moonlight, darkness threatened to consume the entire area. Standing underneath the street lamps alongside the second youngest generation of the Shaw Pack, WonderWorld looks like a scene taken straight from a horror movie. For the Empowered World, that isn't too far off the mark. 

Tony did his best to ignore the anxiety threatening to stop his heart. If Noah and his gang knew just how scared he was, they wouldn't stop teasing him. 

Noah clapped his hands - it was so loud that it startled Tony and his friends who were lost in their own thoughts. "Alright, listen up! The dare is simple: each one of you will sneak into WonderWorld, do one lap and come back here, got it?" The older boy explains, his eyes scanning the pre-teens that followed him tonight. He relishes the sadistic glee at their terrified expressions. "The only rule is not to get caught by Vamps. Simple enough. So, Tony, you're up!" 

Tony's feet take a step back before he even knows it. Two of Noah's friends burst out laughing. 

He'd probably started running in the opposite direction (So what if the older teens drove them here? He'll walk back home if he wants to!) if it weren't for his best friend clutching his hand. Rachel squeezes it before narrowing her eyes at a grinning Noah with all the righteous fury Tony knew that burned in her kind heart. 

"What? Why does Tony have to go first!?" 

"It's what we all agreed in the car, remember? And by all, I mean me so chop-chop, Tony. The moon isn't going to wait for your ass all night." Noah made a show of checking the time on his phone with a bored look. 

"That's not fair! Who died and made you Alpha!?"

"Fine, by all means, you can go first then. And just for that, Rachel has to do a double lap." 

"You son of - "

"It's OK, Rachel. I-I don't mind going first." Tony softly interjects. The thought of Rachel walking around in the dark abandoned amusement park longer than she has to scare him more. 

Some of Rachel's ire disappear like smoke. Concern knit her eyebrows together. "You sure? I don't mind going first. Honest!"

Tony shrugs, putting on a brave face. "How hard can it be? I'm just going in and out ASAP while dodging Vamps." 

"That's the spirit, Tony!" Noah cheers and roughly claps Tony's back. He winces. Noah's friends waste no time separating Tony from Rachel and the others and shove him to the rusty gates of WonderWorld. "Good luck in there." He sniggers. 

Tony gulps. He tosses one last look at a worried Rachel before steeling himself. He then turns on the flashlight feature on his phone and takes the first careful steps into the park. WonderWorld saps all the light the deeper he treads inside, and soon enough, the light from his phone can barely pierce through what's behind the vegetated-infested carousel. His beating heart is so loud even to his ears and that just adds more fuel to his anxiety. 

Because if Tony can hear his own heart, surely any Vampires could hear him before they even see him. He shoves that thought aside before it paralyses him. 

The carousel marks the entrance and only exit of the park. So when Tony passes by a corner of ruined Bumper Cars and a broken sign that directs visitors to a decrepit Haunted House, he knows that he's halfway through WonderWorld. Feeling like he can afford a quick break, Tony studies the signboard in morbid curiosity. "Oh, I'm not going to be the first victim in any horror movie!"

The Ferris Wheel in the distance looms over as Tony continues his round. 

It's eerie, yes, but his heart gradually settles down. So far, his luck is coming through - no one knew just how many Vampires patrol the area each night but perhaps they're taking a break tonight? 

Tony is feeling good about this - 

 The rustling of chains nearby shatters the silent night. The hairs on the back of his neck stand attention. Tony's heart resumes beating furiously. 

He spins to where the sound is coming from, the brightly lit phone shaking in his grip. Sweat runs down his back when nothing but dangling chains hang from the rusted foundations of a fallen Roller Coaster. 

"It's just the wind..." Tony whispers to himself, his breath heavy. His eyes search wildly for any figures behind steel bars. "Just the wind... You're OK." Not wanting to push his luck, Tony jogs away. A tiny part of his brain is screaming at him not to make any noise against the gravel. 

Yet no matter how desperately he tries to silence the fear pumping through his heart and unstable footsteps, something is stalking him. 

They came in the form of heavy boots crunching on dead leaves behind him. A barely-there silhouette slinking on his left. A once lifeless wooden log suddenly topples from the water slide. The sound of it crashing to the ground nearly snatches Tony's soul. 

"Who's there!?" He squeaks, phone spinning in all directions with a paranoid, frantic edge. He can no longer recall where exactly he is in this expansive park. Is he close to the entrance? Did he loop around the familiar-looking carousel? And in the name of everything that's holy - 

Is something getting closer? 

Tony struggles to breathe now, legs rooted to the ground. His mind all but scrambled, trying to come up with a rational solution: maybe it's just a racoon... a racoon that can shove off a large, rideable wooden log... but still! It's possible! Because Tony and the rest all heard of what Vampires do against Empowered trespassers - they got chased away.  That's it. 

So whatever this something is? It can't be - 

"Hey guys, welcome to episode 666 of my Minecraft Let's Play!"

Tony's scream was so loud that it could jumpstart the heart of every Vampire in Dahlia back to life. 

Against everything that Tony assumed, that something turns out to be a Vampire! A Vampire that's grinning ear-to-ear while holding up a peace sign. 

"Greetings, traveller! I am the pitbull of this park."

"Mr. Worlwide!?" He squeaks, words just flying out without a thought. However, that just makes the Vampire's grin near maniacal.

"No, no - more of the das kindershredder version. It's from a German bedtime story, you understand, right?"

Tony could only gulp. 

"Anyway, legend has it that once a year, on the night of a full moon, a fur fest is conducted right here in our glorious crack den for the rejected, the incels and most importantly, the fuckbois. You can thank Vincent for that last one. And since life is just a Bulgarian, you must be tonight's unstolen car."

Now, any sane person who knew better than to live on the Internet would think that the Vampire lost a couple of their marbles but Tony is many things - hypocrite is not one of them especially since it's his life mission to make a career out of his TikTok account with his Hot Takes™ about Sigma Males.  

"I-I didn't mind going first..." Tony mumbled. His face then pulls a scowl, anxiety gradually leaving his body. "Though, did you have to try and kill me via jumpscare? I thought you Vamps just chased us off!"

The Vampire had the audacity to shrug. "I'm just built differently, very Willed Smitherently." They then lean down to offer Tony a hand. The crazed grin dimmed to a more... humane smile. 

Tony mentally debates with himself, only for a few seconds. While he can't quite get a grip on the Vampire's vibe, it's best not to piss them off. So he lets them pull him off the ground. "Are you going to chase me out now?" 

"Nah, it's not fun running around this place while you can't see and there's a maniac with fangs chasing after you," While their voice retains that devil-may-care tone, a flash of self-loathing morphs the Vampire's face. As the unofficial 'runt' of the litter, it's like looking in a mirror. A sense of understanding and camaraderie starts to bloom within Tony. "Anyway, I think that's enough OSHA violation for one night - what's your name, kid?" 

"Anthony Santoro. My friends call me Tony." 

"Mamma Mias and meatballs. I dig it. So here's the deal, Tony - can I call you Tony? - Mr. Solaire said that we're pretty tight with your Pack, so any wolfy trespassers aren't to be harmed. So since I'm not in the mood to run around after you, how about we just chill instead? We can grab the others and hang out at McDonald's or something. You game?" 

Now that they mentioned food, a fright can really make you go hungry, but - "I'm sorry, uh - "

"They call me Bright Eyes. The most certified crack-concentrated Earl of the House of Solaire."

"O...K? Um, while a burger sounds good right about now, I - we can't just leave in the middle of our dare. Noah and his gang would never live it down if I backed out now." 

The Vampire - Bright Eyes - folded their arms across their chest. For the first time since they met, their grin vanishes. "Now would be a perfect time for an exposition cutscene." 

Tony delivers just that. Some confessions come easier in the dark and with a stranger whom Tony has a strong suspicion shares more than one plight. 

" - but they're too chickenshit to do anything to us whenever the Pack is under one roof. Noah's a jerkface but he knows better than to do anything while Alpha Shaw is around."

Bright Eyes snorts. "Yeah, no shit. I've met him. Alpha Shaw has enough male hormones to transition someone just by standing beside him. You know, I think your Alpha would've been fine even without a Mate. He has so much testosterone oozing from every orifice that he can create a son via mitosis."

He can't help it; Tony immediately bursts a gut laughing. It's absurd to even imagine the Vampire and Uncle David being in the same room. "Uncle David might look scary but he's really n-nice," Tony hiccups, rubbing his wet eyes. "But whenever he's not around, Noah would drop his nice guy act. Rachel said he once grabbed someone's wheelchair handles without even asking for permission! He then pushed them around the store as if he was doing them a great favour. I think he just likes the look on their face."

Rather angered, Bright Eyes looks positively ecstatic. They clap their hands once, "He's an Ableist! That's awesome 'cause I'm a Cainist! BRB, these pockets need stuffing." Without another word, they squat on the ground and crabwalk away. All the while muttering themselves about 'biblically accurate rocks'. 

Tony is unsure if he should offer his help or not. This has been the most surreal night in his life! Turns out he didn't need to do anything because their conversation had attracted more Vampires. 

He hears before he even sees them. 

The definitive 'crunch' of a pair of high heels on gravel comes from the shadows of the run-down booths. A new Vampire stalks forward. She wears a simple pair of jeans and a red blouse; with her hair pulled up in a ponytail, cheekbones and eyeliner sharp enough to cut someone, it reminded Tony of those Empresses from SouthEast Asia that the school printed in history books. 

Once again, rooted on the spot, Tony could only gulp when the Vampire studied him with a wry smile. She then turns her head to the side and says, "You wanted Bright to make friends tonight. Unconventional means aside, I think they did a good job, Moonbug." 

From Tony's right, another Vampire emerges from the darkness - boxing him completely. This one is a tall, blonde beauty wearing a tight black dress and a pair of strap-on heels. If the one in red reminds him of an Empress, this one has a strong witchy vibe. As discreetly as possible, Tony's eyes flicker to Bright Eyes, still in the midst of perusing the best rocks for stoning. Is he on his own then?

"Of course they would relate more with the younger generations. Their fire burns with youthful vigour." 

Every instinct within Tony is screaming at him to run, to escape. Unlike Bright Eyes, these two are Old Bloods. It doesn't make sense, though; the Uncles and Aunts in the Shaw Pack mentioned that Old Bloods are a rare sight in WonderWorld. They didn't patrol nightly but no one really knows what they do in the Solaire Clan. 

The blonde woman pulls back her lips into a sweet smile, her eyes half-lidded as she bends to get a good look at him. "Your heart is beating so fast, дитинча (little cub) or should I call you, зайчику? (little bunny?)"

Should he Shift? But Bright Eyes said that the Solaire Vampires don't harm members of the Shaw Pack. 

The woman in red shakes her head fondly. "I think he has enough fright for one night, Kalina. Let's save it for the others." 

Kalina pouts but backs off. "Oh, very well Серденько (My Heart)." She clears her throat and some of that intimidating vibe is toned down. "Introduction is in order, yes? My name is Moroz Kalina and this is my everything, Nik Farah of Perak."

The other Old Blood inclines her head in greeting. "I mostly go by Farah after the 18th century. You can't exactly remain a Queen after you've Turned." 

So Tony was right! However, Kalina continues on. 

"And I believe you have already met Bright Eyes."

"A-ha! This looks good enough to give someone a concussion!"

Tony warily scans all three Vampires. "Uh... do I need to introduce myself again or..." His heckles rise once more when Kalina laughs. Did he overstepped!?

"Thank you, but no need. We all heard it earlier. It is very admiral that you could keep up with our littlest one." 

Farah chips in next. "This is Bright's first time, you know; patrolling on the night of your rite of passage. We thought it would be a perfect way for them to make friends outside of the Clan." 

"I see..." But Tony's first question remains unanswered. "What happens now? If you guys aren't going to chase me off, do we - " He makes a wide gesture to the empty park. " - just chill right here? Does McDonald's do deliveries to WonderWorld!?" 

"About that," Kalina takes over the conversation when Farah excuses herself and goes over to where Bright Eyes is. Tony absentmindedly stares as the Old Blood wipes their dirty palms with a handkerchief, lightly chastising them for picking up rocks with sharp edges. "While we would never step into the affairs of your Pack due to mutual respect and friendship, we would like to explain Bright Eyes' proposal further. I assure you, Mr. Santoro, we will personally drive each one of you home and at the same time, you can enact a bit of a harmless revenge against those older boys that you talked about."

Tony's eyes widened, and her words bounced in his head. Revenge against Noah and his gang? That... that does sound appealing but despite how good of a relationship the Pack is with the Clan, he can't just simply trust a bunch of strangers! Rachel would be so disappointed in him! 

Kalina tilts her head, her golden hair falls over one shoulder. Her smile turns to proud. "You are not convinced. Good. That is a smart brain on your shoulders, дитинча (little cub). William! Come introduce yourself. Your words weigh heavier than mine." 

Tony's heart plummets to the ground when a very familiar-looking man shows up. He and literally everyone in the Pack will always see this man at every important occasion that Uncle David hosts. Despite that, his smile is the kindest Tony has ever seen on anyone other than his Mum, no one can mistake how power drapes over his shoulders like a cape. So no matter how friendly he is, no one other than the Alpha, his Mate, the Beta and also his own Mate dare to approach him. 

Because William Solaire isn't a man anyone can approach. 

But here he is, approaching Tony instead. In fact, a panicking Tony has no idea why the Vampire King is coming towards him as if they're old friends! 

"Thank you, dear Kalina. I'm so very excited to meet Bright's new friend," Again!? Just how important is Bright Eyes to have these Old Bloods looking like they're two seconds away from throwing a party just because they made a friend!? "My name is William Solaire. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"H-hey." Tony squeaks. What is he supposed to do? Does he need to bow? Would it be rude not to look him in the eyes? Thankfully, he doesn't need to think too hard about etiquette.

The King doesn't seem to mind his stuttering. In fact, why does his entire demeanour remind Tony of how his Mum would fondly flip through their family album? "Please forgive my presumption, as it is my hope that you will take up Bright's offer. Making friends is always a joyous occasion and I would like to foster that for our littlest member of the Clan." 

"Oi! I don't need a playdate!" 

Instead of getting angry at Bright's attitude, the King is as confused as Tony when he stares at them. "Weren't you talking about wanting to eat everything from the McDonald's menu earlier? A...  mukbang, I believe?" 

"...Yes." 

"How wonderful! I have Alpha Shaw and Beta Talbot's phone numbers here. If it makes you feel better, Mr. Santoro, you can inform them of where you'll be at all times." 

You know what? At this point, Tony might as well roll with it instead of trying to make sense of what's happening. Besides, any form of suspicion and anxiety evaporates when Bright Eyes jog back with every pocket on their person stuffed to the brim with that maniacal grin.

"You're hanging out with us? Lit. Quick question: how loud can you scream?" 

"Can I call my Beta first? Maybe a lawyer too."

-

Noah's blood runs ice cold when he hears Jason's piercing scream. 

That's the third scream now. The first was Tony's. No one expected it, really - you either made a successful lap around WonderWorld or got chased out by Vampires. That's it! There was never an instance where anyone needed to scream in terror! 

"The runt probably got scared and pissed his pants." Noah rationalises to the group despite the waver in his voice.

"Fuck you, Noah." Rachel spits at him and runs into WonderWorld without even looking back before the older teenagers can even do anything. Her sudden reaction frightens the other Cubs. They fidget, they mutter in broken pleas to go home; how quickly the mood becomes miserable. 

"What do we do?" Noah has always played the role of the leader - the unofficially 'Alpha' of their year group - so it makes sense that one of his buddies would turn to him.

"Everything's fine," Noah insisted, trying his best to calm his racing heart. "Seriously! Why are you all freaking out about it? No one from the Solaire Clan would be stupid enough to hurt us - "

Rachel's scream was as loud as Tony's. Just as terrified. 

Everything goes downhill from there. His friends scrambled into the car and tears down the road, leaving Noah, his own car and the remaining group scared shitlessly. He never thought he would be abandoned just like that!

"C-Can we leave now? Please!" One of the kids sobs. 

"What about Tony? Rachel? They're still in there!"

"Do you think someone k-killed them!?"

"They're not dead!" Noah snaps, startling the poor pre-teens. He grits his teeth; focusing on the anger is better than being frozen in fear. "They probably got trapped somewhere or-or found a dead raccoon. Look, I'm gonna grab them and then we'll leave. Fucking brats, can't even do anything right..."

"You're just gonna leave us here!?" 

Noah can't believe this is happening to him, betrayed and now bickering with a bunch of baby Wolves that are seconds away from wetting their pants. Great. In the end, though, they all went in together. It was difficult walking in the dark when everyone huddled so closely but Noah kept his cursing to the minimum. The sooner they find Rachel and Tony, the sooner he can call his 'friends' out on Tiktok. 

The light slowly fades behind them as they head deeper and deeper into WonderWorld. The brats held each other hands so as not to get lost, and Noah smacked the one nearest to him when he tried to grab his hand. 

"Tony! Rachel! Where the fuck are you!?" Noah's shout echo through the park. One of the pre-teens whimpers in protest at the sudden loud noise. 

No reply. Dread creeps into his mind and heart no matter how hard Noah tries to deny it. He grits his teeth and wonders if he would need to comb through the entire park for the missing kids. And where are the Vampires that were supposed to be on patrol anyway? There's no way -

The hair on the back of Noah's neck stood up. Someone is watching him. 

He immediately whirls around, only for his heart to seize in his throat - he's completely alone. 

"W-When did they - " Noah's eyes widen in disbelief and horror. Every last one of the kids is now missing. They were just behind him! He couldn't hear any footsteps. It happened so suddenly. As if they were snatched - 

"Yo!" 

Noah didn't realise that he had been spinning around in his panic state, eyes searching out for unseen threats. Only for it to pop up behind him as suddenly and silently capably by a Vampire. 

He sees the fangs first. Then the crazed smile. The inhumane eyes. 

"Alright, buddy, I'm going to shit yourself."

Finally, and hilariously too late, Noah catches a glimpse of a rock in the Vampire's raised fist before he's knocked out. 

-

Dahlia's Daily Dirt | OCTOBER 17, 2023

Is William Solaire stepping up as a stepfather?

Written by Madelyn Talbot, a Buzzfeed journalist who covers film, TV, music, and celebrities. 

Ladies and gentlemen, hold on to your burgers and chicken nuggets because the most desirable billionaire in Dahlia is making headlines again. This time though? As a potential stepfather! Yes, folks, this writer couldn't believe her eyes when she spotted William Solaire at McDonald's last night. Spoiler alert: he wasn't alone!

The real-estate mogul, or the man who is known to ignite countless hearts with his sultry smile and gentlemanly charm, was recently seen within the Golden Arches with not one but two stunning ladies in tow. And that's not all; they weren't there for a romantic rendezvous. Oh no! The trio was accompanied by a lively group of pre-teens, sparking rumours that our leading man may be stepping up to the plate as a potential stepfather for this beautiful couple. 

Eyewitnesses inside the fast-food haven couldn't believe their luck as they watched an intriguing scene unfold. Our local Romeo was all smiles in his 3-piece Armani suit as he held up a phone, very kindly helping the kids to video record their mukbang. Could it be that this heartthrob is trading in red carpets for carpool lanes in his limousine?

The two glamorous ladies by his side seemed perfectly at ease with the situation. They laughed and chatted, clearly embracing the mayhem that comes with corralling a group of excitable pre-teens. We couldn't help but wonder, are they the lucky ladies who have captured the heart of Dahlia's most sought-after bachelor? And the question that I'm sure you all are wondering: 7 children? Really? 

While the ladies fed each other fries dipped with ice-cream, our man of the hour was ever attentive in attending to the kids with stories of the latest Met Gala, and from the looks on their faces, it seemed he had a knack for entertaining even the toughest critics - kids with discerning taste buds!

Now, we're not jumping to conclusions, but could this rendezvous be the start of a heartwarming love story? Or perhaps, it's just a glimpse into the philanthropic side of our favourite celebrity, treating some lucky children to a night out. Either way, it's safe to say that this impromptu McDonald's adventure has left us craving answers almost as much as the juicy McRibs.

So, will our media-acclaimed most desirable man be adding 'stepfather' to his list of impressive titles? Only time will tell, but one thing's for sure: Dahlia's hottest heartthrob is stepping up, and we're loving every moment of it. Whether it's rocking Wall Street or at the golden arches, William never fails to surprise and delight us. Keep your eyes peeled, folks - this Modern Family saga: Stepfather edition is just getting started!

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TAGS: Dahlia's Daily Dirt | News | Celebrity | William Solaire | More

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