#Queer therapists man

[magpie-to-the-morning]

My therapist said my favorite new thing about demisexuality today: “Oh, so you need to feel held and known to be attracted to someone.”

[facetsofthecloset]

i'm sure it's been said but i feel like both Raxtus and Ronodin can be argued as "the only gay kid in the family and consequently shunned/rejected" and it's like. so weird bc Mull is so Mormon he'd probably rather eat his shorts than even acknowledge the possible existence of gays but

i mean. Raxtus literally has a fairy form. he's a fairy dragon.

Ronodin was just emo lol

and they both get so thoroughly rejected and sidelined by their families their whole lives and it turns Raxtus into an awkward but basically decent guy who runs back to the approval of his family once he's performed masculinity/violence enough to be accepted, only to then realize that he's basically just being used and still not fully trusted/accepted and having to betray them to save his real friends

(who sadly are probably actually homophobic but that's ok bc they're not dragon-phobic so that works out for him)

while Ronodin's like "fuck it. chaos and murder then!" and can you really blame him? he spent his entire life trying to conform to the "right" (in this case, Light) way of life, started spending time with the outgroup and learned to question things, then was told he was "too corrupt" to remain in his home

like. the symbolism is right there.

it's so funny, because sure Raxtus isn't a bad guy, but Ronodin definitely is and he pretty much gets sent to a type of hell at the end of Dragonwatch

and while Raxtus gets kind of a happy ending, like, him becoming an effective killer in a war and being accepted by his dad for being Good At Murder in the first Fablehaven series is presented as a happy ending. if Celebrant didn't wind up being the main villain for Dragonwatch, that probably would've been the end of it! gay kid learns how to soldier and is finally accepted by his homophobic family bc he's finally aggressive enough for them to love him

(i mean i have MANY issues with Celebrant being the main villain later and the reasons he's framed as bad but like. that's a separate rant lol)

the queer reading is right there. but also it's very bad and you can tell completely unintentional. or at the very least highly repressed. idk man i don't look into Mull as a personal individual bc i doubt i'll like what i see and i don't care that much but Dragonwatch was SO MUCH MORE MORMON than Fablehaven already was and it's so weird, seeing the fingerprints of it all over.

i feel like he either has a new editor or he's been doing this for long enough and sold enough books that he has the clout to veto changes made by editors or SOMETHING, bc i feel like? he's gotten worse?? and more unfiltered?? that or something happened and he's like. even more religious than before or something idk

like fablehaven was just kinda generic/bland fantasy with some fun ideas for magic items/powers/one sentence character premises, with just a hint of sus Mormon ideology, and then Dragonwatch just went. Full Mormon.

but then there's somehow even more weirdly queer shit. like. he's repressing so hard he's approaching queer from the other side??

idk man i wish this deeply mediocre man's writing wasn't a formative piece of middle school reading, leading to me still giving more of a shit than i really should over questionable children's literature now

[todayisafridaynight]

I love how my parents attended a fucking "how to prevent lgbt" Seminar and said thank god they raised me and my siblings normal

Ma'am your daughter is ill over silly little gay men

im so sorry but im keeling over 'how to prevent lgbt'. like i cant articulate why thats so funny its so absurd and funny

[stellerssong]

ok sorry the OTHER thing about lucienne is like. as previously stated she is dream's handpicked emissary from the waking world to the dreaming she's the diplomat in chief she's the translator she's the bridge. because the dreaming is, in a very real way, dream's own psyche, this is tantamount to giving lucienne a tremendous degree of access to his interiority and by transitive property also tantamount to entering into a deeply emotionally intimate relationship with her (unimportant for the purposes of this post whether that relationship is platonic or romantic).

now, in general, looking at the pattern of dream's close emotional relationships—dream doesn't share himself with people as a rule (beyond the access that all things that live have to the dreaming; but i'm talking about his self here, the one he doesn't like to acknowledge he even has), but when he does share with people, it's with people who have some shadow on the soul, so to speak. just looking at attested relationships in show canon, his deepest emotional connection seems to be with death, who embodies the duality of light and dark even better than he does himself. calliope is the muse of epic poetry—heroism and tragedy—and also bears the sort of divine pride that led her to cut dream off for hundreds or thousands of years when he wronged her. the less said about that other guy, the better, but he's no sunshine-rainbows-unicorns type—he's a soldier of fortune, a bandit and a killer, a man who profits from the sale of human life. even best bird matthew, in comix canon, had a sordid past that will maybe be partially retconned for the show but has still been gestured at.

dream likes the complicated ones. he's drawn to them. they speak to something in him that he won't acknowledge in himself (he has to be Whole, fully integrated, without reservation, because he is the king and he is the dreaming and if the dreaming ain't whole then the universe is in trouble—but he feels that ache nonetheless).

all that is to say: when people try to portray lucienne as dream's Designated Well-Adjusted Neurotypical Friend, i begin to harm and maim.

[dragqueenpentheus]

feeling SO restless its transitioning to recklessness which means im not allowed to do ANYTHING in case i regret it later but also thats so stupid

[ninjartistic]

GIGAAANNNNS, RISE

Meet my Gigan duo. They’ll be important later

[lavend3r-stardust]

Brb crying at the thought of a healthy relationship with someone because you're terrified of finding someone like your parents or even worse, becoming them and hurting your partner. and you want to change but don't know how to, and you're worried you're not a good enough friend, thus not worthy of a relationship </3

[boy-cow]

Safe

I burrow down into her soft, deep sand,

Housed like pipi, in the cool dark of her.

In her grainy fingers, I am worn smooth.

She slips me from her palms, a new creature,

Wet and naked, glistening like a pearl.

My body staples the sea to the shore.

[bunnyboy-juice]

does anyone else ever get the urge to dress their loved ones up like little barbie dolls? like i love you so much i want to tell you what to wear and watch you prance around in the cute little outfit i picked for you!!!!

[californiaquail]

my therapist: so what have you been thinking about lately

me, thinking about how probably the most impactful thing i've read or watched recently was either the lesbian s&m documentary or a really bad episode of star trek: um. i don't remember

[gxlden-angels]

Oh...oh saying you hate something/someone is pleasant, actually

[arlo-venn]

I went to see a John Waters comedy show tonight with Tyrell bc whomever she was supposed to take with her backed out, or something, and I don’t dislike John Waters but it was really… stupid? Saw lots of Cincinnati folk that I recognized and despite having lived here for ten whole years, that still amazes me— as a person who spent the first twenty years of their life moving around constantly.

Tyrell’s dad came, his seat was very far away from ours thankfully because he asked a very embarrassing question at the end 😅 We got to sit next to our neighbors, the ones who also have a dog named Arlo. I found out that they refer to my son as the better behaved Arlo! Which is good for my ego.

Anyway, I wasn’t expecting a John Waters comedy show to be so… basic? is the word that comes to mind? I was promised that he’s a weirdo but he just seemed like a normal 77yo queer man. I ended up stealthily playing my favorite numbers game on my watch for the second half. But I’m glad I got to go with Tyrell and be there with her for the experience (she’s obsessed with him) and the memory.

[furnace-arden]

Trying to figure out how I feel about transmasculinity is so complicated. I like my skirts and my long hair, but it recently sank it that I'm, like actually dysphoric. Binding is...okay? I mean it's a novelty to be flat and I like not bouncing when I move, but I don't know if it's something I seriously want or not.

My partner has said a few times they can't wait for me to get top surgery, but I'm not even sure I want it? Bottom null surgery? Much more excited about. Full hysterectomy? Would be thrilled. For that matter, I've wished I had cancer before so there would be a reason to remove every single reproductive organ I had. But I'm not sure I want top surgery. I wouldn't fill out my dresses right and I like the way i look in a dress.

I don't want hormones. That comes with facial hair and body hair and needles, none of which I want. Facial hair alone is enough to put the kibosh on that. Not for aesthetic reasons, but because I get stressed I'm going to die when I shave my legs (which is why I rarely do), let alone putting a blade next to my face.

I haven't wanted he/him pronouns before. I use neos and I accept they/them because, well, if you're not queer you haven't heard of them. I LOVE my neos! I wish I could get people to use them, but alas. Lately, I can't tell if I want to use he/him or if I just want people to actually recognize I'm not a girl. I don't want to swap to them out of obligation to become a more acceptable queer. But I'm also afraid that my nervousness around men is keeping me from something I might actually like?

I should bring this up to my trans support group, but after one guy freaked out on me for liking aspects of femininity (clothes. It was my presentation), I don't feel comfortable. He was kicked from the group for his actions against me and enbys in general, but the discomfort lingers. I feel like he wins if I entertain the idea of a "real transition".

[tallandsad]

dating as a fat butch lesbian is impossible like wtf

[lazywerebat]

Me ranting abt my therapist :)) cause i need to share it somewhere lol

i hate how my therapists only focuses on me being trans man but doesn't care when i tell her that i might be autistic and have anger issues !?!?

she always describes my clothes as “boys” like WDYM IM JUST WEARING A HOODIE AND PANTS !?!

then she listened to me explain her whole ass The Lost Boys lore ( from comics too ) she listened abt my headcanons for each of boys, when i told her abt markos headcanon

she was like oh yeah hes definitely that detailed headcanons abt him, THATS ME LITERALLY SELF-PROJECTING ON HIM WDYFM

[newtralgood]

thinking about all the things you can learn from something even after it's gone...or something like that