#man i need a therapist tf

[lavend3r-stardust]

Brb crying at the thought of a healthy relationship with someone because you're terrified of finding someone like your parents or even worse, becoming them and hurting your partner. and you want to change but don't know how to, and you're worried you're not a good enough friend, thus not worthy of a relationship </3

[coridallasmultipass]

It took me, ugh, MONTHS (2), to get to cleaning the two shrimp tanks I have... I had IRL issues going on that would have made it extremely difficult to do a water change especially while injured, and I just had to keep putting it off. It's just shrimp, so it wasn't like, the worst situation, especially since I have established plants and the tanks are a couple years old. There was just a lot of algae build-up on the glass, and, well... Let me just say it was not contributing to my mental health and well-being while the tanks were in that state.

I tested the water before I started cleaning and the parameters were fine (like, I could have left the tanks even longer if I would be okay with selling my soul to the Algae Collective), and the plants and shrimp look fine, too (I mean, I've obviously been keeping an eye on the tanks bc I sit right next to them). Actually, I'd wager to say that the plants are looking really great (the lilies haven't died off [yet? This is the longest period of time I've seen them stay... foliage... fol... foliated? Idk.] and the cryptocoryne in the 10gal is fucking huge and needs to be rearranged, just not right now). That fucking algae was a motherfucker to get off the 10gal (it's a plastic tank and I think that makes the algae grip harder than the glass 5gal).

[Also, fyi, depending on the tank's needs and stability, recommended water changes are a small one every week or every other week. My parameters don't seem to do anything dramatic, so I usually aim for a 20-30% water change every third week (just depends on how much vacuuming needs to be done and how cooperative the shrimp are with moving aside). So 2 months is still a lot. I still did the normal 30% ish amount, since doing more will risk the shrimp's well-being if there's a sudden change in everything, and my water parameters indicated a change was unnecessary - but I don't test for more than the minimum freshwater tests, so there could be a buildup of some mineral I'm not testing for, which is why the change IS actually necessary regardless of what my test kit says - because these tanks were evaporating a lot in summer, it condenses the minerals added with each water addition, even tho I usually top up with R.O. water.]

My back is fucking killing me lol. It has been killing me since spring when it 'went out' for the first time, and I'm not getting any relief, it sucks. But this had to be done.

The 5gal is looking pretty cloudy still, since the filter was super gunked up and I accidentally spilled gunk back in, so I may need to retest the 5gal parameters tomorrow just to make sure I don't have to do another water change, but it'll probably be fine, right? Shrimp love mulm and detritus. I did give both tanks a big ole algae tab for their trouble, tho. (I need a fuckening dish for the big tank. I really wanna clean off that white quartz rock again, but being white means it's an algae magnet, and it's just gonna go green again after a month or two.)

Anyway, shrimp tax:

I lov thees widdle oange bebies.

Wish I could take better pictures rn, but I am. Like. Dying. My recommendation: never live in an A-frame style room if you have the option. The wall above my tanks is slanted, and NOT fun for my back to bend underneath the wall for maintenance. (My only flat wall in the room is for my TV/PC.) Also, treat your back nicely, in general. I unfortunately have not had the option to treat my back nicely since spring (fall now), because 'when it rains it pours,' and heavy shit that needs to be moved will not move itself. Once I get a few more things in my room in order, I will hopefully be done with the IRL chaos, bc I have Halloween socks to knit, and I'm not putting that off for another year. (I'm still mad that I couldn't make the ones I planned last year. And I found more Halloween yarn I forgot I bought, so I'm gonna try to make multiple socks.) And I just really need to fucking chill and knit and stop having panic attacks and meltdowns.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[bosspigeon]

my anxiety has been so fucking bad lately i rly don't know what to do anymore im having like multi-day breakdowns and i am constantly shaking and struggling to make myself eat consistently but like i still have to go to work and pretend everything is normal bc i can't afford not just push through but idk how long i can keep this up

[wendig0re]

so at what point do I stop thinking that killing myself is the only thing that will make me stop feeling like this?

[emo-batboy]

Things Battinson Totally Did During His First Year of University

Using Unhinged or Odd Things I Also Did as a College Freshman :D

Note: for this list, let’s believe Bruce was living in an (admittedly expensive and swanky) dorm because it is required for first-years, especially those entering at a young age, and Alfred told him he needed to make friends. Also yes I did every single thing on this list. I never claimed to be a role model

Bruce, to his TA: I’m so sorry I’m late to class. I gave blood a few hours ago and almost fainted on the way here, but it won’t happen again.

Signs up for a class called “Age of Dinosaurs” despite it not being required whatsoever and proceeds to work his entire schedule around it

Bruce: Your mental health is super important. If you think you should see the on-campus therapist, go see them. Friend: Fine. I’ll sign up for therapy if you sign up for therapy too. Bruce: Hold on-

Finds a loophole in his housing contract that allows him to get a pet frog, calls him kermit :)

Gets a second frog because Kermit was lonely, names it Constantine after Muppets Most Wanted, then realizes that they’re gay for each other. Wonders if the rainbow-colored rocks he got them triggered anything

Swings dramatically between calling Alfred every single day and ghosting him for weeks, cries when he realizes what he did

“Accidentally” joins the student body council, doesn’t know what he’s doing, gets re-elected anyway

Molds a dragon out of Laffy Taffy instead of doing his work

Bruce: *joins Honors, gets all A’s, takes the max amount of classes, has several minors, overachieves* Also Bruce: I’m a failure.

Breaks into a building after hours to study because NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AT THE LIBRARY

Bruce: I will not get seasonal depression this year. Bruce: *gets real and seasonal depression that year*

Meticulously schedules his day with a color-coded planner because if he sits down for too long, the thoughts will consume him

Gives a presentation to his rhetoric class on how much he likes Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse (it is 20 minutes long)

Successfully allocates funding from the student body council to pay for free feminine products in the dorms OUT OF SPITE because someone said it couldn't be done. fuck you, Andrew

Bruce: It is not an all-nighter if I go to sleep before my first class. Friend: It is 7:30am, the sun is in the sky, and your first class is at 12:30. Bruce: But I am getting sleep.

Refuses to go anywhere without his backpack because what if he needs three notebooks at once

Loses over 20 pounds because ✨stress✨ and scares the shit out of Alfred when he comes home for Thanksgiving

Argues with his TA over the one (1) question he got wrong on his Dinosaur exam

Bruce, calling Alfred: Hello father figure. How do I do taxes? Do I have to do them myself? Also, I think I’m having a panic attack.

Joins in on a charity arts-and-crafts project that gives kids books with matching activities made by volunteers, proceeds to commandeer the project because “it’s not color-blind friendly” and rewrites the instructions for everyone

Makes a murder wall

Goes to one (1) sports game and proceeds to leave in the first ten minutes because it’s way too loud wtf is wrong with people

Professor, addressing the lecture hall: I dare you to write an essay about these two sentences. Bruce: *writes an essay about six words, gets a 100, never even read the book*

Crawls into the ceiling for some alone time

Ghosts someone after a date because he’s too scared to tell them he didn’t know it was a date in the first place and now he feels bad

Classmate: How tf does he walk across campus that fast? I go in the same direction he does on my bike, and he’s always ahead of me. Bruce: *is gay sprinting to Dinosaur class*

Refuses to let others use his Favorite Pen TM

Constantly gets mistaken for a Grad Student because he is “so wise and mature” (bestie, that’s the autism)

Alfred: *casually mentions he got into a car accident through text* Bruce: *replies with a meme while hyperventilating because he doesn’t know what to do with that information??!*

Wears a suit to one of his finals

Regularly eats non-organic food for the first time in his life, proceeds to learn about several allergies Alfred forgot to mention he has

Writes “What is a Hot Pocket?” in calligraphy and proceeds to laugh his ass off alone in his dorm because he is so exhausted he’s reached the point of delusion

Locks himself out of his dorm right before class, frantically asks the floor group chat if someone can help, proceeds to tell the nice gay man on the floor who saved him “I love you” because his social skills have hit rock bottom

Makes a little music album display next to his desk for his favorite band (Nirvana) His friends call it a shrine, and they are technically correct

Has a blacklist of people he refuses to interact with because Reasons

Counselor: What do you want to do when you graduate? Bruce: *gestures vaguely*

Refuses to take the bus because there are people in there and he doesn’t like those

Loses one of his frogs, how tf did he do that, they’re fully aquatic, oh fuck, this is probably why they got rid of that loophole a year later because unbeknownst to Bruce, he accidentally started a frog revolution in the dorms, btw he SWEARS he did not mean to do that

Has two trash cans in his room: one for the Good Garbage, and one for the Bad Garbage. Only Bruce knows which is which

Bruce: *writes a creative piece about a ship’s final thoughts as it sinks, bringing its passengers down with it* TA: Absolutely lovely, Bruce, but are you okay?

Goes on Night Walks, keeps himself safe by maintaining a level 12 resting bitch face at all times

Earns the nickname “8th floor cryptid” after pacing the halls at 3am when it’s too cold for Night Walks (honestly tho how tf didn’t he get the nickname earlier?)

Bruce: Do you think a depressed person could do this? Bruce: *has a manic episode*

Okay that's all love you BYE

[chaostudee]

i love you i'm sorry part 2, charles leclerc + jude bellingham.

summary : charles releases his debut album and fans go crazy, y/n and jude are the main talk over social media, and yet charles is adamant to get his girl back. faceclaim : cindy kimberly a/n : since you all asked here is part 2 <33 tysm sm for all the love ily all smmm also here is part 1. also might make a part 3 🙈

y/nusername

liked by judebellingham, kikagomez, oscarpiastri and 5,720,820 others.

user278 oh she's defo listening to i love you i'm sorry

username_211 plsss 😭😭

f1fan ngl her and jude are acc rly cute

user00 the most gorgeous omlll

judebellingham ❤️

y/nusername ❤️

anon ugh what a bitch

username_78 i'm so glad that she is happy :)

f1fan_16 when i tell you i sobbed when i heard this lyric like i'm sorry but you can't convince me that he is not still in love with her

liked by landonorris, f1lover, justaninchident and 56,189 others.

landonorris trust me he is

user728 LANDO PLSS OMG username66 not him outing charles like that i can't

user400 on repeat.

username_15 this song feels like a stab through the heart.

charlesleclerc life recently 🤍🫶🐶

liked by landonorris, georgerussell, lewishamilton and 2,829,667 others.

user11 stoppp this makes me so sad to see leo without his mum 😭😭

f1fan i rly hope that he's okay

username_ we love you charles <3

user516 stop charles is actually the nicest person ever he does not deserve this

f1lover_45 ik charles is okay because he has lando

landonorris damn right

user526 off topic but the fit is fire 🔥

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

texts between jude and y/n

baby? jude

yeah? y/n

can i come with you to paris fashion week jude

what omg acc?! y/n

id love to come and support you sweetheart jude

stopp why are you so perfect 🤭💗 y/n

that's all you jude

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

judebellingham angel face

》 omg waitt is jude coming to paris fashion week?!?!

》 wait they are acc so cute

》 charles is better

》 y/n is acc so pretty

y/nusername paris fashion week with @ miumiu

liked by judebellingham, pierregasly, kikagomez and 3,282,962 others.

user82 she is defo getting war flashbacks from being in paris rn

username672 serving face !!

f1fan ooooo body is tea

justanichident so jealous of her beauty 🫠

kikagomez gorgeous gorgeous girl

y/nusername mwah

miuiu love the fit 😉

user526 guys guys did u see jude cheering her on ughh so so cuteee

judebellingham that's my girl

liked by y/nusername, kylianmbappe, lewishamilton and 9,728,551 others.

y/nusername love u smm thank you for supporting me 💋

judebellingham love u sm babygirl

user991 jude bagged a baddie fr

username both serving cunt

user_18 ultimate bi panic

f1fan oml the fits are actual perfection

ln4_67 y/n we need the skincare routine !!

username_99 my fav couple 💗

charlesleclerc album is finally out hope you enjoy!!

liked by lewishamilton, landonorris, oscarpiastri and 13,629,829 others.

user777 i'm in a puddle of tears

username51 i'm acc not okay LIKE SOME WARNING OF HOW HEARTBREAKING THIS IS WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE

f1fan okay kinda team charles rn because tf

justaninchident imagine your ex making a whole album about you, crazy stuff.

user33 LEWIS'S VERSE OMG THIS MAN I DIED

landonorris so proud of you man and so happy that not only me but everyone can hear this incredible record you made 🫶

user00 aww supportive bsf lando we love to see it

username11 so so good

f1lover oh charles

liked by justaninchident, f1_67, user88 and 172,552 others.

user415 nope.

username11 i'm crying over this like it's my own breakup.

justaninchident my therapist has heard too much about this that she is acc fed up of me.

f1fan_333 best song on the album but the saddest

user00 omgg guys imagine if he went on tour and sang these songs

f1_5 y/n lost a good one

user44 we all know damn well that she would take him back in heartbeat

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

texts between jude and y/n

why did you lie to me??? jude

i didn't exactly lie....i said i was meeting a friend y/n

A FRIEND AS IN YOUR EX WTF Y/N jude

i'm sorry i didn't think you'd y/n

well i sure as hell do mind jude

you know damn well he is still in love with you jude

yk what? jude

what? y/n

i think you are still in love with him too jude

jude baby what are you talking abou i love you y/n

bffr y/n jude

i acc can't with you rn jude

i knew that getting myself involved with you was a mistake everybody warned me saying that you'd go back to him, well ig they were right jude

but i love u y/n

well too bad jude

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

judebellingham no caption.

liked by kylianmbappe, footballfan_67, user626 and 7,529,331 others.

user432 no y/n.....

footballfan_67 my goat 🐐

username55 he deserves better than y/n honestly and anyone who says otherwise is dumb asf

f1fan he's so real for the no caption

username_411 yesss no y/n finally she was such a bitch

user11 bro acc finally looks happy

f1lover wait do we all acc think they broke up??

y/nusername

liked by charlesleclerc, kikagomez, landonorris and 5,311,905 others.

user445 i'm so in love.

username67 serving face

f1fan i hope she's okay she looks a bit sad :,(

f1lover omggg charles in the likess

user900 my fav ever actually

username526 petition for y/n to become a victoria secret model 🪽🫧

y/nusername

》 omg

》 y/n defo cheated i don't believe this crap

》 it defo wasn't mutual literally jude is with another girl, he either cheated or y/n did

》 oh she is soooo going back to charles

y/nusername

liked by charlesleclerc, landonorris, carlossainz and 12,618,341 others.

user516 SHE'S BACKKK

username_67 omfgggg

f1fan ARE THEY BACK TOGETHER WHAT WHAT

justaninchident guess she finally realized that charles is just better

anon girl just broke up with jude and is now back with charles bffr omg like

user19 i need a moment BECAUSE WHAT

f1lover this is so y/n coded

user890 it girl before it girl now

username_56 i've never been happier 😫😫

user_53 guys guys hold up they could just be friends

anon shush let us dream

taglist⭑.ᐟ

@lottalove4evelyn

@sweetestgirlintown111

@mxryxmfooty

@hadidsworld

@llando4norris

@heavy-vettel

@nichmeddar

@seonghwaexile

@janeh22

@love2readd

@depressedriches

[0lympian-c0uncil]

*your at Dionysus' funeral*

Hera: Hello and welcome to Dionysus'funeral-

*video of Dio starts playing in the background*

Dionysus: WHOOOOOO! I'M DEAD!

Hera: *shocked*

Dionysus: Mom and Dad you outlived me! Therefore you win!

Hera: OMG SOMEBODY SHUT THAT OFF! NOW!

*Video is shut off*

Hera: I am so sorry-

*Another video starts playing in the background*

Dionysus: This is a backup video in case the first video gets shut off by the fishy officiator!

Hera: ...

Dionysus: Fuck you man. I hope you're next

Hera: *glares*

Dionysus: Hello everyone, welcome to my funeral! Now everyone check under your seats. There's a box for each and every one of you.

Dionysus: Open it

*everyone checks and starts freaking out*

Hera: *confused*

Dionysus*with everyone screaming in the background*: The boxes contain my body parts. You can build me back up like a Build-A-Bear. This is supposed to symbolize that every time you fall apart your loved ones will build you back up.

*everyone, still screaming and freaking out*

Dionysus: Beautiful I know! It's making me tear up here. I am tearing up.

Hera,*opens hers slowly to find a knife and picks it up* : Tf??

Dionysus: Also if anyone has A knife in their box don't touch that that's the one I used.

Hera: *Drops it in shock*

Dionysus: You wouldn't want your fingerprints on it. That would be very sus.

Hera,*puts it on the floor*: Oh my god...

Dionysus: 🎶Don't be a sussy baka!🎶

Everyone: *still screaming and panicking*

Dionysus: Now don't worry, I didn't forget about the children.

Hera: *looks back at the screen*

Dionysus: right outside. There's a piñata for you guys. It's my head filled with candy. My eyes are taken out so it fits more candy.

Hera: *freaking out trying to calm everyone down*

Dionysus: Ok now everyone sing with me!! I'M ON A HIGHWAY TO.....

Everyone: *screaming*

Dionysus: HIGHWAY TO...

Everyone: *Still screaming*

Dionysus: THANK YOU FOR COMING-

*Three weeks later*

Hera: Apparently he also set up cameras because 3 weeks later he mailed us pictures of the event titled "memories!"

Chiron: Yeah I think you might need a new therapist.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

U WRITE FOR SIMON :00

Can I request Simon finding a friendly polar bear in his home which is sweet to him..and becomes basically his guard and Therapy animal headcanons?? :0 please the old man needs it-

Oh thank you first Simon request, yippee!!

........

You lived in Ice King's castle as a pet of sorts, turned immortal simply because you were, according to him, "too cute and cuddly to die".

If anything, though, you were basically his emotional support polar bear as he rambled about his loneliness and failures to catch yet another princess, oftentimes sobbing into your fur when it gets to be too much.

Like Gunther, you couldn't really talk. But you were there for him anyways.

After he becomes Simon again, his memories of you become a complete blur...

Until one day you show up at his "house" (the 20th Century Museum) and nearly give him a heart attack.

For a split second he thought the crown was on and he accidentally summoned you,,,bc how else would a polar bear get inside undetected???

To make a long story short, Prismo granted your wish to speak human language (how you got to the Time Room and how tf he knew that was your wish both remained a mystery), and you used that in your search for IK.

Although Simon was reluctant, he decides to let you stay since you went through a lot of trouble to find him.

Plus, he needed somebody to vent to....yet despite not remembering much of you from before, he still feels immense guilt. He even apologizes for burdening you so much in the past.

But you reassure him you don't mind it at all.

Whenever he regresses back to his IK days, you're there to comfort him and let him cuddle up against your side.

Instead of him overdramatically sobbing about some random princess like before, he sheds a few tears for Betty..his one true princess.

You met her a few times, but never reslly got to know her, although given the stories Simon told you..it's clear that he still loved her dearly.

While accompanying him on his multiverse adventures with Fionna and Cake, you're there as his bodyguard, being a fierce defender (you damn near mauled the Scarab to death when he got too close to your friend).

After he eventually learns to move on and live for himself, you get officially registered as an ESA by his therapist.

You even got your own service vest/uniform so everyone in Ooo knows you have a VERY important job to do.

[absolutebl]

Heya ABL !! Hope you're having a nice day .

So I recently started watching Laws Of Attraction and ngl Mr. Charn's smile is one of the most terrifying smiles I have ever seen in all of the media I've consumed throughout my life . He's the kind of person I won't fuck with. Ever . And that brings me to the question I have for you . I'm curious to know, who are some of the characters in BL you'd absolutely NOT fuck with irl?

Characters in BL I would NOT fuck with IRL

OMG I love the question, but I have a ton of answers, a busy work day, and tumblr keeps eating my posts so I'm gonna be super rough with this one.

Criteria

Generally the red flags I avoid are:

broken beyond repair,

unpredictably unhinged (elbows everywhere),

just too angry,

stalker

looking for salvation (AKA deal with your own damn problems)

AKA baby, you aren't smart enough to be worth the drama.

Ready? Here we go.

The "You Legit Unhinged" Bracket

Charn in Laws of Attraction

Currently my favorite character by a land slide he's evil, manipulative, bonkers, and damaged. RUN AWAY.

Devil Judge goes in here too. Not BL but... The "censored off my lists" Chinese historical BLs have tons of these characters.

The "baby is WAY too extra" bracket

Aoki in Kieta Hatsukoi

No thank you. I like my life peaceful. Sweetie, you cute but CALM TF DOWN.

I'd put quite a few other disaster ukes outta Japan in here, the kids of Mr Unlucky, Senpai, etc...

The "your damage is on the outside" bracket.

The men of My Beautiful Man

Yeah, neither of them. BOYS. I mean to say... BOYS. You are way way WAY too much work.

I'm coming around to putting both Weatherman boys into this bracket too, and what's his bucket from the Pornographer series. Oh and Takumi! Ugh.

The "a boyfriend is not a therapist" bracket

I couldn't pick a winner for this bracket so here's my list:

My Tooth Your Love's Bai Lang

Uea in Bed Friend

What's his name from The Eighth Sense (probably quite a few other Korean BLs, actually)

Fiat in Don't Say No et al

Team in Between Us

Sky in LITA

Anger management issues

Semes in: Love Syndrome III and Dinosaur Love

and Type in TharnType

Stalkers need not apply

Secret Crush on You

Be Mine Super Star

Love Mate

Currently airing stalker pulp thingy.

There are more. A lot more.

You're not romantic, you're just a jerk

and probably should be in prison

Tharn from TharnType (could have gone into the first bracket too)

Bohn in My Engineer

Pai in LITA (bite me)

Pure in My Gear Your Gown

Some of these may surprise you because they're some of my favorite characters. But just because I like them on the screen doesn't mean I want them in my life.

I left the Japanese dark BL off this list for the usual reasons.

Honorable mention:

[mxrmaid-poet]

I was thinking abt the fact that Emma seems to fix ALL the suitors so with that being said if I was Belle, who would I realistically date in order of most likely to definitely wouldn’t want to fuck with:

1. LEON - he’s so charming and likeable. I rlly don’t see any wrongs in him as a guy. such a green flag of a man honestly.

2. YVES - i, too, pay close attention to my appearance and similar to him deciding that one day he would take care of his image, I did the same and never stopped (it’s personal for me). for someone to dote on me the way Yves does?!! damn well I’m falling for him. 🤭

3. LUKE - he pays so close attention to Emma and notices everything abt her, that id feel so special if I got to experience that. and his affection…. NEED.

4. RIO - bro is so attentive, compassionate and caring for Emma, if I were her I’d be so gassed lmao. he’s a perfect boyfriend, I’d def fall for that.

5. SARIEL - I dont even have daddy issues but i like older men sooooooo yeah id fall for him.

6. JIN - he’d be higher on the list if it isn’t for the fact that there’s so many women that just know him personally. i love how he acts in a relationship but I would be so intimidated and self-conscious of the women who’ve known him intimately (which is basically all of them)💀

7. CLAVIS - the way he acts… we would hook up for fun but no feelings after that. I don’t know man, I couldn’t handle an eccentric dude like him.

8. KEITH - I’m looking at this at an angle where maybe I go on a date with kind Keith and it goes well but suddenly alter comes out and scares tf out me. it would be a horror story. no hard feelings , keith <3

9. GILBERT - ngl, I’d be a little afraid.

10. SILVIO - nah, he’d annoy me. cus sometimes I act like him too so I think we’d bicker and end it off there.

11. NOKTO - his frivolous ways would annoy the crap out of me. i wanna send him to therapy not a relationship with me or anyone. sorry nokto

12. LICHT - as much as I love licht, I can’t see him as anything other than a friend. and I wouldn’t want to be a therapist either so uhm no…

13. CHEVALIER - he’d actually scare the shit out of me. I’d be too scared to make conversation with him. I’d just ignore him to avoid being on his bad side.

[jennazed]

So today I was kinda bored and decided to read the "Be More Chill" book to see if there were any differences between the book and the musical.... and OH BOY WERE THERE SOME DIFFERENCES!!! I wrote down some of them, enjoy (beware spoilers obviously)

Jeremy has humiliation sheets to quantiatively determine how much of an incel he is

Madeline is now Elizabeth?

Who tf is Mark, why does he exist, and why is Jeremy friends with him?

Everyone knows Jeremy wrote the letter to Christine, but now he wants to give her a chocolate shakespeare bc he is a total flirt (TM)

Jeremy's mom is around and has a divorce lawyer-ing firm with his dad now

Michael is a white boy with an asian girl fetish

JEREMY IS A THEATER KID! JEREMY IS A THEATER KID! JEREMY IS A THEATER KID! JEREMY IS A THEATER KID! JEREMY IS A THEATER KID!

Mr Reyes doesn't microwave his own hot pockets, he uses child labor to do so instead

Christine is super angsty like she needs an anger management therapist or smth

Michael's brother got a squip apparently and is going to Brown University

Oh btw, Jeremy's dad doesn't even wear underwear around the house he just lets his son see his junk?

Michael also has a knee fetish apparently???

Sadly, the play is the actual Midsummer's Dream and not a Midsummer's Nightmare about Zombies

Ok Christine is no longer angsty?

Nvm she is angsty again that was quick

Jeremy goes "Heh-heh." a lot

According to Michael, all girls are shirt thieves and should never be trusted

Ok Christine is no longer angsty again and apparently she is very specific on how relationships are supposed to be formed bc of course she is

The whole Halloween party is now a school-sanctioned event

Is Jeremy a furry? what does "sometime tonight I’ve got to find pics on the Internet of girls with tails" mean???????

Instead of dressing up as Juliet, Christine dresses up as a prostitute angel for the halloween party

Btw michael knows all about the squip from day 1, his brother has one

Rich does his whole ITS FROM JAPAN moment at the halloween party instead of while pissing

Rich's halloween costume is marijuana

the squip is no longer "top secret can't even look it up on the internet shit" bc there's like 361 results for it on yahoo apparently

Jeremy's dad might have been gay for Ben Franklin

Instead of using his Bar Mitzvah money, Jeremy steals his aunt's beanie babies to finance his squip

LORE!! The guy from the lady's running shoes place who gives Jeremy the squip, his name is RACK LMAO

Jeremy keeps his squip-shenanigans secret from michael so we don't get the awesome sequence "try to say something cool" "i think i just blew my bar mitzvah money on a wintergreen tic-tac" "yeah not cool" :(

RACK instead of the squip says the "You can also set me to Sean Connery, Jack Nicholson, Sexy Anime Female hehehehe" line. This change is devestating

"The gayer it feels, the better your posture" YOU HEARD IT HERE FOLKS GAY PEOPLE HAVE BETTER POSTURE

In the book, the squip can see into parallel universes bc quantum physics

Brooke is Anne

Jeremy flirts with Chloe instead of Brooke/Anne man they really changed a lot of stuff around yk

Eminem dies like immediately. That squip DEFINITELY killed him lol

Fun fact: Jeremy is NOT circumcised!

Apparently you just think about the squip turning off to turn it off wow

Jeremy now does pushups whenever he sees an attractive guy on tv instead of whenever he thinks about sex

SQUIPS CAN CONTROL YOUR DREAMS? THATS SO COOL!

lol the squip hates singing

Jeremy instead of the squip says "up up down down left right left right B A start"

wait Brooke is in the book? Then who tf is Anne???

Madeline is now Katrina?

The squip becomes murderous if you drink, i love it!

how does jeremy not know what a pheromone is but is perfectly able to memorize monologues about how humanity has stopped evolving?

Jeremy is a professional boxer and will punch you in the neck and make your gameboy say "dont fuck with me >:(" if you mess with him, remember that folks

Apparently the squip thinks acting like a dog is cute?

NOOO! Some dude named Jason Finderman is the one who has his parents on the run for money laundering and hosts the party instead of Jake

Huh, no optic nerve blocking of Michael? Maybe this version of the squip is actually trying to help Jeremy

Poor Jenna :( she just wanted to talk about how Elizabeth is a slut and Jeremy turned her down

Apparently the squip is also a certified drivers ed instructor! Who knew?

JEREMYS DAD SAYS THE N WORD OK ITS PROBABLY FOR THE BEST THAT ONE GOT CHANGED

Ok smth is up with Jeremy, why is he confessing to Chloe while on ectsasy that he constantly dreams of her with a tail? AND WHY IS SHE KINDA INTO IT??

Fun fact: ectsasy turns the squip spanish

Apparently Chloe's boyfriend in the book is named Brock. Imagine going through 9 months of pregnancy and deciding that your baby should go by fucking Brock lol

Hugging legs is Jeremy's coping mechanism

I love this version of the squip: "TODO LO QUE USTED ES BUENO PARA ES SEXO DEL INTERNET." lmao

btw rich has a belly button kink

Rich named his pp Li'l Cheese Head

No michael in the bathroom moment, instead its more of a michael in a bathtub with an asian girl moment

Michael, who is still buddies with Jeremy :), rushes to tell him of the rich fire

I think rich set the fire bc alcohol + squip = murderous rage in this universe not bc he was trying to get it out

YOOO CHRISTINE IS GONNA BE A PSYCH MAJOR

Jeremy gets a therapist bc his mom freaks out when he tells her about the squip but the therapist is also squipped lol

lol all hollywood actors have squips, awesome

The squip's plan is to have Jeremy confess his love to Christine during the play in front of everybody but she calls him a loser… oof

The squip plans to write Jeremy's life story in a book and then have it kill itself with mtn dew red :O

THE WHOLE STORY WAS A BOOK JEREMY/THE SQUIP WROTE FOR CHRISTINE????? AND THEN IT JUST ENDS??????

That was one way to spend like four hours

[carmenized-onions]

NEW CHAPTER, 14, new recap (can you believe the first one i recapped was chapter 5 oh my) lets rip some coke and goooo

“I thought it was a good bit!” “Cause I’m a piece of shit?” - IVE MISSED THISS

CHARMIN SOUNDS LIKE CHARMING 🥹🥹🥹

the deer in headlights bit is v funny, you’ll see when you see the memes (which i made before the chapter, i am nostradamus)

she is fruity for sure

nodding like i understand food talk (tf is a3)

unrelated but the same therapist thing reminded me about something i keep forgetting to bring up - RICHIE IS HR. so when you mentioned the bear needs an HR, well they do. and as long as carmy treats chip right i think he’ll accept the co-worker relationship (anything to be able to work with chippy)

THE CAT. he is those cute curly kitties. the shat, iykyk

the fact carmen wants to say ‘i love you’ this early (something he struggled a lot to say to his family) IS SOOOOOOOOO

OMG CHIPPY GOING TO WORK FOR THEM FOR REAL????:333333333

This has been Carmichael Burrowski, folks! Don’t call no one— — DNEKRKRIOELEKDKFODNEKE CARMICHAEL BURROWSKI

Ugh, boyfriend? What kind of word is ‘boyfriend’? That's fucked. - THEYRE SO SIMILAR AND PERFECT TOGETHER

And you cannot say you love him because that would be weird. - OH SHUT UP THEYRE SO

“I’m going to kiss you.” “Yeah, okay.” - THAT IS SO FUNNY SJDJFJKF

He’s fine with the touch of hair pulling, on your part— Possibly more than fine. — *giggles in meme*

“You’re so pretty.” You tell him anyway, speaking into his half open mouth.  Whatever thought he had, it’s dead now.“—Jesus fucking Christ.” - i need them to know how much i love them jesus fucking christ

“I’m not a fucking virgin.” - LMFAOEKRKKEOEKEKRNRKRKRKEKEKEKE

“It was a recent development, okay?” “Darn. Sorry I was late.” - 🥺🥺🥺 imagine -

“I want you in every sentence.” - FUCKING KILL ME WHY DONT YOU CARA MIA😭

to bite you like a cannibal - this man and his hickeys🤭🤭🤭

“Fak is still outside, I’m pretty sure.” - CHIP??1?2?2?3kr3kr3kr3kr838484kr4&4&4

“Wait— Are they?” Oh, so Richie’s here, too? Good. - oh great everyone’s here, bet squid is there too

NUZZLING NOSES

her old cat, her old pu-

Nuzzling your face into Syd’s cheek - squidink as she’s holding carm’s hand?? wild

“First of all, wrong placement.” - ofc it is

When shit happens, you call me - 🥺🥺🥺 bestie!!!

“Get your weird little hands off my Chip, you perv—” - LMFAOOOW DJEJEJDJDJ I LOVE HIM SO

and syd’s reply sidjdifi

“Y’know how going to a different barber is like cheating—?” - SJDJDJ GET HIS ASS CHIP. they swapped her for fucking ted fak???

“You’re still— We’re still sharing, right?” - SYD SHENJEHEJE

I’m sexually normal - very normal thing to say, it me tho

OMFG IF CHIP RECOGNIZES DONNA AND PETE FROM OUTSIDE THE RESTAURANT

“Baby’s do traditionally experience time, yeah.” “You n’ that smart mou—” - their dynamic is unmatched

You have to respect the power in that. “Damn.” - that reminded me of marcus

“Oooh, Charmin gets his first paycheck suddenly he’s all that—” “You wanna come up to my room or not?” - i was gonna comment on the charmin thing but HELLO1??1?23)kr3:kr

THEY CAN HANG. SURE BRO

THEYRE WATCHING RATATOUILLE OMGGGGG

Sleeveless black turtleneck? Maybe black palazzo pants - HOT

Please say yes to the white apron. Please say yes to his team. He'll get your initials monogrammed and everything. - *passes out*

the wonderful rat chef

ON GOD

“Yeah. I’ll answer.” - bc 🥺😭

“You’re fucking Carmen!” - GOODBYEEEE. not carmen outing them YET AGAIN

“So fuck you, actually.” - 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

“Fuck off! I’m already coming to fucking Time Square with you, don’t be whiny.”  - this is giving when dwight was like ‘of course i’ll get that stuff for you so just shut up’

“I nominate Carmen.” “I second the nom.” - tag-team<33

Don’t fuck in a fuckin’ Holiday Inn Chip’s worth mo - he’s so sweet and yet so???

HE CALLED CHIP BABY I REPEAT

It's absolutely going in Carmen's top five favourite expressions of yours. - 🕊️🕊️🕊️

“Syd said she will be knocking violently if I’m not back at midnight on the dot, yeah.” - SQUID GIVING HER GF A CURFEW

THE BERF SHIRT

“God, it’s over—” - squidink is so over rn😔

“Baby, just say you’re happy for me.” - BABY. THEYRE SO BACK

squid can stab men, a little, as a treat

You hand her your water bottle when you spot her looking at it. - 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

her instinct is to call chip, oh OH oh

“I didn’t ask you to be great.” Syd says it before she thinks it, and it’s enough to make your eyes water - MINE ARE RUNNING TOO ACTUALLY

God you’re dehydrated - *careless whisper plays* i mean what I SAID NOTHING

squid out🦑🦑

“It’s so crazy that you think that’s gonna happen—” - I LOVEEE SHEEE

Your shoulders touch as you both stare at the ceiling. - CUTIES

She hums, pointing to the popcorn tiles - namedrop! jk…unless?

“Oh my fucking God it’s that bad—”- GET THEIR ASSES SQUID

In front of everyone, accidentally while saying goodbye, off-handedly while hanging up, over text, and so on and so forth. - all of those are cute actually

“Now it’s three.” “Fuck, it’s gaining interest?!” - WE’RE SO BACK!!!!

“Wait, what the fuck, Syd, say it back!” - REAL!!

this was so cute!! just them and their adventures

LETS. GET. ROLLLINNGGGG!!!! (papers!!!) (we both can do drug jokes in this house!!!) (there will be a wip under all this as a treat I promise)

I’m honestly shocked Charmin isn’t a canon nickname (yet!!), cause like. IT DOES SOUND LIKE CARMEN!!! AND THE TOILET PAPER BEARS!!! AND THE TOILET PAPER BEARS ARE BLUE NOW TOO!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!

You are frfr an oracle with your memes, occasionally I look at em like hmmmmm,,,, this is gonnna be a lot funnier after the next one. My comedic Nostradamus genius. (the secrets of the universe ARE in the popcorn ceiling!! U!!)

The benefit about writing about food for people who did not come for food is that I also don’t have to fully understand what I’m saying. Had to look at a wagyu chart and make a lot of assumptions. I am not going to make steak with pop rocks to find out if it’s any good.

OKAY WHAT THE FUCK I S RICHIE’S JOB I’M BEING SO FR I DO NOT !!! Carmen’s Exec, Syd’s CDC/Head, Richie is… HR/Co-Manager/Host??? No wonder he can afford fuckin eras tour tickets bro is getting THREE DIFFERENT PAYCHECKS WHAT!!! But this does make sense. Bro IS THEE Human Resource.

Had to look up photos of sheep cats. Yeah that’s him. That’s Carmen but a Cat for sure.

RAHH. The held back I love yous are very. Very rah. Theres a lot of thought behind them for me but I shant share because I feel like that may give too much away I fear?

Carmichael burrowski is brought to you by seeing Carmichael company vans a lot and Mae Burrowski from Night in the Woods. Thank u both for ur service.

I completely forgot about the ‘that’s fucked’ convo with Fak until I saw a gifset and went OH YEAH…. It IS fucked. They are so stupid. They are also both unable to say I love you because that would be WEIRD!!!!!!!

I am so happy with the incredibly funny smooch because it was very much to mimic Carmen’s —

I think funny kisses are the way to go. There is something very charming (CHARMIN!) to me about awkwardly expressed consent.

YOU DIDN’T PUT THE RATATOULLIE MEME IN THIS ONE FOR THE PUBLIC TO ENJOY AND FOR THAT!!! YOU’VE DEPRIVED OUR PEOPLE!! i knew if I was gonna make him watch ratatouille and have him relate, he’d have to relate to more than just remy.

I’ll call them and let them know you love them, promise. Whenever they get out of the bathroom.

Carmen 30-Year Old Virgin Berzatto— Or 28-29, time line is UNCLEAR!! Regardless, I couldn’t take away my man’s one W. He fumbles most people, I had to let him have the one he canonically got. And also it was too fun to consider him absolutely STEWING as Tony recounts her emotional relationship with Mikey, just thinking in the background “I need to tell her I am in fact. NOT . a virgin!” I hate this man.

I WANT YOU IN EVERY SENTENCEEE RRAAAWHWHWHEHE!!! Loved that. Loved writing that paragraph. Love love. Love wanting to have someone so intrinsically in your life that in order for someone to know you they have to know them. WOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Carmen give her a hickey before we have to confront the emotional implications, GET HER BOY!!

Well how much did you bet on syd being there because now I owe you

CHIPS GOT TWO HANDS FOR A REASON BABY!!! I’m kidding the triangle would never work. But they should try anyways.

Whole Richie scene makes me :)) it’s fun to navigate these two going through like, so many internal emotions obviously over Chip’s trauma dump, and deciding what Richie would actually take a moment to comment on. And I think it absolutely has to be the ‘imagine your friends are dead’, bro 100% HAD TO BE HELD BACK FROM RAMMING THE DOOR DOWN TRULY TRULY. Don’t imagine I’m fuckin dead cousin!!!!!! I’m not a fuckin ghost!!! Call me!!!!!!!!! I am literally your guy!!!!!

Watching season 3 and seeing half of the season unnecessarily focusing on a Handyman (Ted) really had me clutching my pearls like. Bro. where’s my baby. Who the fuck does this guy think he is. This is CHIP TURF!!

BIG SHOUT OUT TO SYDNEY ‘THE SQUID’ ‘SEXUALLY NORMAL’ ADAMU!~

Donna!! Donna!! Finally semi-time that I have to face my white whale of writing,,, da mom… I’m still mentally tackling how to write her, but we’ll get there when we get there…. (truly thought she was gonna fucking die this season I didn’t think I was gonna have to DEAL WITH IT!!)

Everyone simultaneously did a record scratch at ‘do you want to come up to my room’ and I think that’s beautiful. I think that’s everything I wanted and more. They can hang bro. and watch ratatouille. Like hang out and be normal and fantasize about easily removable aprons with monogramming done.

Carmen is a certified shoe in his mouth yapper. Sugar, hand the crown to your brother, you may step off your throne; because this fucker has gotten caught like three separate times simply by being himself.

VERY DWIGHT Very like, sibling texting ‘fuck you I hate you what do you want from mcdonalds im omw home’. That’s the Richip dynamic to me. And then they kill carm.

Chip baby!!! This is not a drill he finally called her a pet name!! men, to your stations! And she didn’t even have the brain to COMPUTE IT, alas.

The post squid scene was so tough I was like, ‘do I cut this and just end on carmen?’ but then I knew, I’d never write this scene, cause spoiler alert, we’re doing a very slight time skip. So like. I just wanted Squidink to have their actual last beat to their sad no contact era because!!! So many feelings to be had over not contacting your boy in forever!!! But god its so OVER!

‘Didn’t ask you to be great’ is SUCH a punch to the gut, esp for a people pleaser like Chip (or me, man). Like. Fuckin. GOD. It’s the same sentiment Richie had in Just Dropped with ‘I’d love you even if you weren’t useful’, but like, this side of it is pre-useful. Like. Not only would I love you if you weren’t useful, I would never ASK you to be useful. HELL.

All of those I love yous are cute you say? Well I will have to up my game in coming up with something truly mortifying, then.

Shout out to me, directing on set, and demanding that my crew says it back when I say I love you. Genuinely my ‘Heard’ is a reciprocated ‘I love you’. No one call Richie/HR.

also the memes. immaculate as always. AND THE AUTHOR/CHIP COMPARISON,,, ART IMITATES LIFE, what can i say? if carmen/chip manage to live together at a point i really can't imagine him denying anything she wants. i think he would only have opinions on the kitchen and maybe efficiency of moving through spaces. (WE NEED TO PUSH THE COFFEE TABLE BACK!!! SIDLING AGAINST IT TO GET TO THE COUCH IS CAUSING A 3.4 SECOND DELAY IN MOVIE TIME!!!!) psycho.

Anyways. As always, a pweasure to hear your thoughts. I am hoping next weekend will finally be the fucking weekend I put something out. It’s hard slugging through this next chapter because it’s basically our so much fucking dialogue chapter, and navigating action and meaning AROUND that has been a nightmare. I think I’m probably over thinking the fuck out of it, to be fair. I feel so bad making y’all wait, so here is a juicer snippet.

THANK YOU LOVE YOU APPRECIATE ALL UR PATIENCE AND ALL UR THOUGHTS I LOVE TO HEAR FROM YALL!!

[kolour-me-kourt]

Chapter Fourteen: “They always seem sweet in the beginning”

Where are Jayson and YN now? A month after the infidelity little progress has been made after the first week Jayson made an appointment with a therapist and begged YN to come with him. It's been four sessions and YN does not like the therapist at all she tries to hide but she doesn't do it well enough. Her relationship with Melo? Stronger than ever it's like they've truly become friends like she's claim they've always been the only awkward moments where when Melo and Jayson crossed paths they would speak but never talk too long YN wanted to fix that but she had to work on her and Jayson first.

Currently her and Jayson were in therapy session number five her friend had dropped her off because they carpooled to work together so YN was a little late which already had pissed Jayson off so tensions were high as the session continued.....

"Infidelity can affect people in many different ways... YN can you tell Jayson an emotion that you felt other than anger and sadness after he told you he cheated" "I felt betrayed" "Jayson how does that make you feel to hear that" "like shit... we were working on being a team ... I knew everything she had been through and I still messed  this up.... badly" "YN can you acknowledge Jayson also has some intense feelings about the cheating incident" "I'm sure he does have feelings about it..... but do they matter"

"I don't matter?" Jayson asks YN the therapist takes over again "let's rephrase the question Jayson" "i don't know how to rephrase that she just said  I don't matter! " YN rolls her eyes "no.... I said they don't matter as In your feelings about fucking your ex don't matter cause Nah I feel like every bad feeling you feel about that situation you should" "YN are you actively working on forgiving Jayson cause that sounded very vengeful"

"do you want me to tell the truth or not? .....of course I wanna move forward but it's only been a month and guess what? we haven't even been around eachother that much between him working and being a father he doesn't have much time for this relationship which didn't use to be a problem but now.... I require more because of the lack of trust " "I make time as much as I can I can't put being a father or my career on the back burner and I know you don't even really want me to do that you just trying to make me hurt so stop I'm on to your game" she smiled

"Okay I'm stoping" "YN please try to explain your feelings throughly" the therapist tries to save the conversation before it goes off the deep end "is our time not up yet? I swear I've been in here more than an hour he told me to stop so I'm stoping I'm over it" "you don't listen to shit else I say so Tf you talking about" "who tf you talking to Jayson don't raise your voice in front of this man like you run something" "see this the shit I was talking about" he said to the doctor YN lifted her eyebrow

"you were talking about me before I came in?" "Well you were late so I'm gonna get my moneys worth" "oh wow okay" "if you wanted to be on time you would've been but you don't care about this" "stop doing that!! you can put your career first but as soon as I do the same I get accused of not giving a fuck also I wasn't driving you expect me to leave my job in the middle of meeting to go to a therapy session? No Jayson real jobs don't work like that" "see how she says real jobs ... I have a real job" "yeah you do so let me rephrase corporate jobs don't work like that Jayson you wanna be fixated on every word I say instead of trying to figure out what I'm actually saying cause it makes you look like the good guy but newflash nigga we're in therapy because you cheated!" Before Jayson could speak the therapist cut him off

"let me jump in here you guys just said a lot YN first can you explain your earlier statement when you said you need more time or he doesn't make time can you explain that"

"Yeah ... all I'm saying is to a certain degree he makes time  but by the time you get to my city in my place you look so damn tired I don't even wanna bother you with anything serious or heavy I rather just sit there and soak up the time I do have before you have to leave again most of our couple time id spent here now"

"so you do like spending time with Jayson still?" "Absolutely.... Or I would've just left we only argue here cause we only talk about real stuff in here " " not as much as Melo" Jayson stated "here we go again" "who's melo" "a friend" "a friend who use to fuck her" "but have I fucked him since we started dating" "no .... But that wasn't my argument anyway ... seeing you together as friends makes me feel like we might never have that especially since I fucked up this bad" "you want a friendship?" She said softly "yes I feel like that part of our relationship .... I'm being replaced because you have Melo back I don't think you would cheat so I wasn't trying to say that I'm sorry if you felt like that's what I was saying " she kissed his cheek melting to the sound of his voice

"okay I understand that.... How do you want me to change that though" "just be more friendly with me we don't do fun stuff anymore it's all romantic stuff which I enjoy but..." "nah I feel you um okay" "just okay?" "Yeah I understand what else should I say?" "You know what nothing whatever" she gets upset again "yeah whatever" "well I think we've approached the end of this session .... I'll see you two same time next week?"

"Ask him not me"  "yeah I'll be here doctor on time idk about her though" "I'm always where I'm supposed to be so what are you talking about" "let's focus I'll see you guys next week same time okay thank you remember your homework" "thank you sir" YN smiled standing up Jayson shakes his hand "yes I'll fill her in" and then opens the door for YN letting her walk out first.

he guides her through the lobby and out to the car

"I wanna keep talking when we get in the car" Jayson said glancing down at her "I'll pay you big money if you don't" YN laughed he lets her in the car and then gets in glancing at her. "I don't feel like you working with me" "Jayson I'm trying this is all I got ...." "Alright" he pulls off speeding to her house "okay then" "next time I'm picking you up from your office so you can be on time" "mhm"

he laughed slightly smirking "what?" She glanced "I can feel this getting toxic cause all I wanna do right now is fuck you" "oh wow okay" "you gon let me?" She licked her lips "yeah I'm gonna let you" "you want me?" She smiled "always" "let's get home then" she smiled in the seat

They hadn't had sex since she's known everytime he would start up she would get nervous and make him stop. But now she was to the point where it's been a month and she wanted to rip the band aid off. After all their sex had never been an issue she enjoyed getting fucked by Jayson and some good sex might truly be the only way to spice up this day.

"We still moving at your pace so if you don't want to by the time we get home I understand" he glanced at her "I want to... I need you" she said the second part softly but he heard it made him feel good for her to say that. The relationship had been rocky but to hear that she still wanted him this badly he had a lot to live up too.

*Time skip*

She found herself unfulfilled as soon as things would start to feel good he changed what he did they were just totally out of sync and she didn't know what she needed she just knew that the sex wasnt it for her. So as she laid in bed beside someone she loves dearly she wondered if she could continue to fake this cause he clearly had a good time. What she didn't know is he absolutely knew something was off but he didn't want her to take it the wrong way so he didn't say anything. He felt great but he could tell she didn't and he tried his hardest to get that to change but it didn't. He pulled her close kissing her forehead

".... That was amazing" she said softly "for me too.... You did your thing I missed you like that" he groaned she laughed slightly During the sex she found herself on another level just simply trying to cum but she couldn't get it to happen and he couldn't either "I understand you baby" "I did something wrong?" "No why you say that?" "No reason just wanted to know... I didn't wanna rush you into anything or make you feel rushed I'm not going no where" she smiled getting up to straddle him

"I love you .... A lot and I wanna apologize for the way I acted in therapy ... *sighs* I just was feeling a little ... idk the word but I do want you to know that I heard you about the friendship thing and we can start working on it ... cause I love you and I want this" he casually rubs her butt as she talks to him "thank you for telling me that baby I needed to hear it... gimmie kiss" she leans down kissing his lips "you forgive me?" "Yes I forgive you.... Now you really feel okay about the sex?" "Yesss I loved it"

"okay good that's all that matters .... I know it's gonna take us a while and I was just making sure we was good on that end" "yes nothing to worry about" ".... Can we go for round two?" He lifts her up slightly holding her up "mmmm should we?" She smiles he sits her back down gently "nah you right we shouldn't ... I'm trying to take you out later as a friend" he smiles she laughed "hmmm? And do what?" "Go back to the basics .... We going bowling" she laughed "should I dig out that pink dress?" She kissed his lips again "I would love to see you in that ... we was matching that day cause I had on some pink shorts" "yes you did... looking edible" "why you ain't let me hit then?" She hit him gently laughing 

"I didn't wanna start this relationship off with sex.... Cause sometimes sex fades and what if we didn't like eachother" "you right baby .... You like me again?" She sighed "unfortunately" she smiled rolling her eyes playfully and he laughed "fuck you mean unfortunately?" He flips her over on her back pinning her down "babyyy I was just playing" "better be" he starts kissing all over her face "mmmmm" he starts fingering her "Jayson baby...." "Can you cum for me? Please" "I..." "please?" He kisses her lips "yes" "you so fuckin wet... cum for me" he keeps kissing her "want me to rub your clit?" "Yesss please" she tried her hardest to cum but just couldn't he kissed her lips. He felt her getting wetter and wetter "right there baby" she moaned softly "you sure?" "Yes just kiss me" his fingers continued flick upwards as his thumb rubbed her clit and she moans into his mouth. It was evident she wasn't cuming at least not with him she moved her hips and started shaking her legs. "Mmmm" "there you go ... cum for me" "ahhhh yesssss" "gooddd mm" he moaned while kissing all over her face. She smiles "thank you" "nah thank you" he stands up looking down at her. She closes her legs sitting up

"You have to leave ... tomorrow morning" "nah" " what you mean?" " you got three more days with me ....if you want me" "why?" "I mean I can go home" He started to get annoyed "I'm just simply asking .... Is their a specific reason?" "Deuce isn't gonna be home until the end of the week ... so it's no point in me rushing home and I wanted to spend the time with you" "I want you to... I was just making sure you weren't jeopardizing anything" "no not at all ... so can I freshen up and we go out?"

"Bowling?" "Or something else if you don't wanna do that" "I wanna do something together... like if we go bowling I'll be forced to beat your ass" she smiled "bae I beat you in two games last time so what you talking about?" "Jayson stop lying" "I'm lying?" "Shhh let me dream" "what you wanna go do? I have an idea but if we do it I wanna surprise you..." "let's do that then" "let me make some calls..." "Well hurry up so I can shower before we go"

*time skip ****back in the car*****

"I wanna have fun with you tonight but can we talk about something?" He said as he speeds down the highway slightly glancing at her "yes?" " don't get mad I don't wanna argue" "okay" "I heard you in the shower...." "singing?" She smiled "no be serious bae .... I guess you were using the shower head why you ain't call me in there?" Truth be told she was so sexually frustrated from him not being able to make her cum so she finished up herself because she didn't wanna have this conversation and more importantly she didn't wanna be disappointed again like not making her cum while having sex she kinda gets since they've been off ... but he couldn't even finger her she loves him dearly so she'll finish herself.

"I figured you were tired and I was still .... Feeling like I needed more so I just did something quick plus I wanted to go out I didn't wanna get something started and then we wouldn't leave"  "and you sure that's all?" "Yes I'm positive" "well next time call me in there baby I wanna help" "okay I didn't think it was the deep honestly" "you wasn't moaning for me like that but for the shower head...." she cuts him off

"Jayson I didn't know you could hear me I'm sorry" "bae I dont think you get it" "well help me too" "we're working on being a team right? Before I cheated you would've called me In the shower I know you would have and that's all I'm saying I know it's gonna take time to grow but I wanna call out the moments where it's clear we're not being a team anytime you wanna cum and I'm around I wanna help that's all" " okay baby I understand now I'm sorry" "it's okay I just wanted you to know these things so it won't become an issue" "okay" "I made a few calls so I hope you enjoy tonight" "I'm sure I will" he picks her hand up kissing it softly "I hope I didn't ruin your vibe" "no not at all Bae" "well we're almost there"

"And where are we going?" "Didn't I say it was surprise" she laughed "yeah you did" soon enough he parked and they were at this building that looked very modern she was excited. He got out the car coming over to let her out to.

"Am I dressed correctly?" "You look good"

He grabbed her hand walking her into the building to see a bunch of tables with food on them.... "Cooking lessons?" "Just a cooking class bae" "ooou this will be fun" she smiled as he pulled her in to meet the person leading the class and a few more couples walked in jayson and YN decided to stand in the back.

As the class went on one thing became unbelievably clear .... They were still a team. They were working completely in sync not having to say anything too much and their dish came out amazing. Being completely in sync in the kitchen made YN realize their sex wasn't bad she was just in her head about it and once she can let those walls down and be into her man like he's into her the sex will be good again.

"Hmmm lessons and then we get to eat? This was great" she kissed his lips "and we got to work together.... I think we did a great job" "we did" he pulled her close as they continued to eat.

"We gotta get to the next place Bae" "oh okay" they pack up and clean their station before getting back into the car "what made you think of cooking lessons?" "My mama said it would be something you enjoyed" "Brandy knows me well" "and she likes you" "did you ever tell her .... What happened?" "Yeah.... Especially when I didn't think you were coming back to me" "how did she react?" "She was disappointed because she raised me better than that and because she liked you so much and because she knows I love you"

"you love me?" She smiled "yeah I love you from the top of your head to your fat feet" "my feet are not fat😒" "mmmm okay Bae" "you're annoying you know that?" "Yes but you love me" "I do love you from the top of your head to your ugly feet" she laughed "you know I'm self conscious about my feet" Jayson said holding back his laughter "boy bye your feet look like you've been playing basketball all your life.... Cause you have" he pauses at the red light glancing at her kissing her again. "I'm glad we going in the right direction .... Cause Fr I do love you and I don't wanna lose you.... Ever" "well .... Let's make sure you don't bae"

[abandonedaccount1234]

MY THOUGHTS ON EPISODE 7X08

First off: RIP RICO PRIEM. There needs to be better safety precautions and LAWS put into place, not just contract negotiations, to ensure the safety of all cast and especially crew. No one should have to die to see our favorite show get made. We can week a few weeks/months between episodes if that is what it will take. Our little weewoo show is not more important than people getting home safe.

-honestly, tell him how it is Amir. Bobby affected more lives than just the 148 he took. As much as I love his growth and how he’s healed, the trauma extends past his victims into generational trauma that will probably be felt for several generations.

-it’s so emotionally jarring sometimes to see fun loving bobby who’s worked hard to piece his life back together. and then also remember, he’s the cause of 148 lives being taken. like....how does the man have a job? he would not experience the same treatment of the freedom he’s been allowed post apartment fire if he was a man of color.

-i love how the characters are flawed and not perfect people.

-MAY GRANT where you been my baby

-Athena/Bobby goals 🥰

-so bobby comes from a long line of abusive alcoholics and has been a people pleasing emotional therapist for most of his life, good to know. good. to. know.

-i haven’t personally been too fond of the whole amir’s gonna burn the building down because it kind of plays into stereotypes of black men being violent and unable to work through their emotions in a healthy way.

-i do think race aside, it’s a possibility but after tonight’s episode, it’s not something i wanna be dead set on or right about because fighting fire with fire is not good for anyone involved, no matter how much gut wrenching pain they’ve caused you.

-i mean the cartel is a storyline they haven’t touched on before. i wonder what’s next? bridge collapse? plague outbreak? eddie being demisexual?

-side note: that guy’s flowing long hair is actually so pretty

-his mother should have stepped in more

“you can keep your amends, i didn’t ask for it. it doesn’t mean a damn thing to me.”-oh damn damn DAMN they got me crying on bridgerton day AGAIN

-oh please don’t tell me bobby learned how to cook out of trauma of almost burning his house down because he had to take on the role of his mother after she left his alcoholic father

-Bobby Nash? Nah. Bobby BURNT.

-Get up Amir! Don’t die! You’ve come too far! (in the wise words of my father: a black man can’t ever catch a break, can he?)

-is he actually a ranch worker? don’t trust a man with a truck you don’t know kids. DONT DRINK THE WATER. ITS GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT.

-of course the guy with the car WAS HIS GRANDSON

-did i not just tell you to not take candy from a strange man you just men in the middle of nowhere?

-BOBBY NASH DOES HIS OWN STUNTS

-ommercial break mantra to calm myself: athena will always find you, don’t worry. do what you gotta do to survive guys.

-back to bobby/amir: i think it’s important for bobby to meet someone who can’t forgive him for what he’s done, who no matter how much he’s grown, will never be able to see him apart from the trauma and pain he inflicted. it’s more realistic.

-Who Can It Be Now? Song by Men at Work

-Bobby’s dad dies in an alcoholic accident after he verbally assaulted him for being a kid who was left on his own to figure things out is INSANE TIM MINEAR SHIT.

-i don’t think he’s alive anymore bro...

-is bobby can drop to his knees and pray or something?

-welp he dropped to his knees

-poor little bobby

-NOT HIM BLEEDING ALL OVER THE SCRAPBOOK WHAT IN THE WORSE THAN EVAN BUCKLEY TRAUMA IS THIS SHIT WTF THAT’S UNCALLED FOR NO WONDER HE BECAME AN ALCOHOLIC JESUS CHRIST

-stay alive by matt alder

-I hope Amir sticks around. I like him. He keeps things emotionally interesting. I needed a good cry.

-commercial break thoughts: where tf is charlie now? i didn’t realize how much older he was supposed to be

-BIG PROPS to the makeup team

-i like this new girl, hope we see her again. her hair is flawless.

-acting pro peter krause

-“i live my life just trying not to make anything worse”

-michael jamal warner. incredible work tonight my man.

-what in the offbrand huge hulk loke tommy/buck/eddie are those firefighter dudes

-DONT DO IT LITTLE BOBBY YOU ARE A CHILD WHY DID THEY LEAVE HIM ALONE

-I WAS RIGHT THEY TRY TO BURN BOBBY’S HOUSE DOWN WTF I WAS RIGHT I BET ITS THE DAMN CARTEL

[platonically-loving-alastor]

Hazbin Top 5

I was going to make a top 10 character list, but realized after the first 5 I didn't know where to place anyone- But in case you're curious, some contenders for the remaining 6-10, in no specific order, were Angel Dust, Charlie, Emily, Niffty, and Sir Pentious. Now here's my top 5 with reasonings and appreciation for them all!

5. Lucifer

Obviously bro is relatable, not only for his awkwardness and hyperfixations, but he also happens to be the same height as I am at about 5'2" (according to the sources I've seen). Being the same height as Lucifer is my biggest flex lmao- I still have no idea why his hatred of Alastor seemed so instant. Like yeah, Alastor was trying to annoy him by being a better dad to Charlie, but the whole 'fuck you' moment happened before any of that started. Did he just sense the bad vibes off of him or what? Anyway, his awkwardness and desperation to connect with his daughter make for probably my favorite lines of the episode, such as the "Hey bitch!" and the whole "You like girls? So do I!" situation followed by him being so distracted he called Vaggie by the wrong name. Perfect comedy

4. Lute

I love her an insane amount for someone who shows up so relatively little with so few lines, but here we are. I've already made an entire post about her, here it is if you want it, so I'll keep this short (Spoiler alert: I failed). I actually don't think I mentioned just how attractive this woman is, so let's get that out there right now. I know I'm not the only one who thinks this, about half the people I've seen react to Episode 6 have seen Lute without her mask, took a pause of recognition, and we all knew what they were thinking before the pressed play. Istg my taste in women (and sometimes even men, thanks Vox) is just "Can they murder me without a second thought? Yes? That's hot". My favorite line of hers is when she's hyping up the army with Adam and says "Rip Vaggie's cunt mouth out her ass!" and even Adam has to be like "damn girl chill what the hell-" She's so feral I love her so much

3. Rosie

Everyone needs a Rosie in their lives. I don't just mean a regular therapist, I mean a person in your life, friend or family member, who will talk you out of your downward spiral and gently call you out on why those paranoid thoughts are actually pretty unrealistic (the other side of the same coin would be Husk, he's just more blunt about it). I'm also still completely convinced she has some interesting and sad backstory based on how she was talking to Charlie and I need to know about it so bad. "It can be difficult to admit to things you're not proud of, especially if those things hurt the ones you love" Ma'am what did you do? I find it hard to believe it's just about the cannibalism. I don't know if in this instance, she's the one who hurt someone or someone else hurt her and she was the one who failed to forgive them, but either way I need answers.

2. Vox

Y'all know I love this man in more ways than one, he one the hottest Hazbin character poll for a reason. But I swear everything about this man makes me love him as a character more. First, I always love a technology based character, his electricity powers and literal screen head are the coolest thing in the world to me. He's voiced by Christian Borle, which was a fantastic choice, along with the glitched effect his voice gets when he's mad, I love to see it. Apparently it's also canon he can fly (with rocket shoes)?? He just keeps getting the best character design choices possible, this can't possibly be fair- The fact his first introduction was being done with Val, telling him to call tf down, and treating him like a child ("Now that's why they pay you the big bucks!") was a pretty good first impression for me lol, made even funnier when it was followed by him losing all sense of rationalism when Alastor entered his line of sight.

1. Alastor

The character my blog is named after, this should not be a surprise. Shockingly enough, despite my obsession for him and acknowledgement of his charming nature and generally attractive design, I' do not simp for him in the slightest'm not personally attracted to him in the slightest. I simp for a TV and yet apparently deer man with permanent smile is where I draw the line idk- The most I want from him is to be as good of a friend to him as Rosie is (well that and to touch his ears but that's a given). But this is another character I love literally everything about. Who would've thought the concepts of 'radio host', 'serial killer', and 'literal deer' would work so well together to create this dapper yet terrifying fucking cryptid. Not only can he be either incredibly scary or a silly guy, he can and has done both at once. Example: Episode 3 when he's just casually eating a deer carcass in his room (in which he summoned a whole ass bayou). I was genuinely so glad when the 'this face was made for radio' thing happened in episode 1, confirming that they were still gonna lean into his creepy-as-fuck distortion and general vibe he had in the pilot. He's horrifying and evil and I love that about him. Meanwhile he also says shit like "Now he's pissy, that's the tea" (definitely taught to him by Rosie) and kicks his legs on the bed like a schoolgirl as if he hasn't committed countless atrocities. My favorite character, everyone-

Wow I wrote more than I meant to for this, sorry about the essay-