#Primarily aos I should say

[auroradicit]

my desire to send things from Jim vs anxiety.....ig let's call this an interest check?

like or lmk if you'd be interested in writing with a genderflux headcanon-heavy interpretation of Jim Kirk

[tleeaves]

Folks going "WHAT they made a show about the Fallout franchise?? I've been hearing people say Bethesda messed it up, but I haven't watched it myself, so I'm going to trust the word of other people -- some of which also haven't finished watching it" is driving me insane.

Being a hard core fan of something obviously brings with it a lot of passionate feelings when adaptations come into play. Of course, there's going to be people going "but in 8 episodes of the first ever season they made, they didn't explore Theme C or D, didn't introduce factions E and F and G, and because the source company is notorious for its scams, we and everyone else who's a TRUE fan should hate it".

The Amazon Original series Fallout follows the videogame franchise of the same name. It is a labour of love and you can tell by the attention to detail, the writing, the sets, and YES THE THEMES ARGUE WITH THE WALL. It's clearly fan service. I mean, the very characterisation of Lucy is a deadringer for someone playing a Fallout game for the first time. She embodies the innocent player whose expectations drastically change in a game that breaks your heart over and over again. Of course, she's also the vessel through which we explore a lot of themes, but I'll get to that.

There're some folks arguing that the show retcons the games, and I gotta say... for a website practically built on fandom culture, why are we so violently against the idea of someone basing an adaptation on a franchise that so easily lends itself to new and interesting interpretations? But to be frank, a lot of what AO's Fallout is not that new. We have: naive Vault dweller, sexy traumatised ghoul that people who aren't cowards will thirst over, and pathetic guy from a militaristic faction. We also have: total atomic annihilation, and literally in-world references to the games' lore and worldbuilding constantly (the way I was shaking my sister over seeing Grognark the Barbarian, Sugar Bombs, Cram, Stimpaks, and bags of RadAway was ridiculous). Oh, and the Red Rocket?? Best pal Dogmeat? I'm definitely outing myself as specifically a Fallout 4 player, but that's not the point you should be taking away from this.

The details, the references, and the new characters -- this show is practically SCREAMING "hey look, we did this for the fans, we hope you love it as much as we do". Who cares that the characters are new, they still hold the essence of ones we used to know! And they're still interesting, so goddamn bloody interesting. Their arcs mean so much to the story, and they're told in a genuinely intriguing way. This isn't just any videogame adaptation, this was gold. This sits near Netflix's Arcane: League of Legends level in videogame adaptation. Both series create new plots out of familiar worlds.

Of course, those who've done the work have already figured out AO's Fallout is not a retcon anyway. But even if it was, that shouldn't take away from the fact that this show is actually good. Not even just good, it's great.

Were some references a little shoe-horned in to the themes by the end of the show, such as with "War never changes"? Yes, I thought so. But I love how even with a new plot and characters, they're actually still exploring the same themes and staying true to the games. I've seen folks argue otherwise, but I truly disagree. The way capitalism poisons our world, represented primarily through The American Dream and the atomic age of the 45-50s that promoted the nuclear family dynamic -- it's there. If you think it's glorifying it by leaning so heavily into in the adaptation, I feel like you're not seeing it from the right angle. It's like saying Of Mice And Men by John Steinbeck glorifies the American Dream, when both this book and the Fallout franchise are criticisms of it. If you think about it, the post-apocalyptic world of Fallout is a graveyard to the American Dream. This criticism comes from the plots that are built into every Fallout story that I know of. The Vaults are literally constructed to be their own horror story just by their mere existence, what they stand for, what happens in each of them. The whole entire show is about the preservation of the wrong things leading to fucked up worlds and people. The missions of the Vaults are time and again proven to be fruitless, unethical, plain wrong. Lucy is our brainwashed character who believed in the veritable cult she lived in before she found out the truth.

So then consider the Brotherhood of Steel. I really don't think it exists in the story to glorify the military. We see just how much the Brotherhood has brainwashed people like Max (also, anything ominously named something like "the Brotherhood" should raise eyebrows). Personally, I don't like Max, but I am intrigued by his characterisation. I thought the end of his arc was rushed the way he "came good" basically, but [SPOILERS] having him embraced as a knight in the Brotherhood at the end against his will -- finally getting something he always wanted -- and him grimly accepting it from all that we can tell? Him having that destiny forced upon him now that he's swaying? After he defected? If his storyline is meant to be a tragedy, it wouldn't surprise me, because Fallout is rife with tragedies anyway. And a tragedy would also be a criticism of the military. That's what Max's entire arc is. It goes from the microcosm focusing on the cycle of bullying between soldiers to the macro-environment where Max is being forced to continue a cycle of violence against humanity he doesn't want to anymore because a world driven to extremes forces him to choose it to survive (not to mention what a cult and no family would do to his psyche). Let's not forget what the Brotherhood's rules are: humankind is supreme. Mutants, ghouls, synths, and robots are abominations to be hated and destroyed. If you can't draw the parallels to the real world, you need to retake history and literature classes. The Brotherhood is also about preserving the wrong things, like the Vaults (like the Enclave, really). They just came about through different method. The Enclave is capitalism and twisted greed in a world where money barely exists anymore. The Brotherhood is, well, fascism plain and simple.

Are these the only factions in the Fallout franchise? Hell no. But if you're mad about that -- that they're the main ones explored, apart from the NCR -- I think you're missing the point. These themes, these reminders, are highly relevant in the current climate. In fact, I almost think they always will be relevant unless we undergo drastic change. On the surface-level, Fallout seems like the American ideal complete with guns blazing that guys in their basements jerk off to. Under that surface, is a mind-fuck story about almost the entire opposite: it's a deconstruction of American ideals that are held so closely by some, and the way that key notion of freedom gets twisted, and you're shooting a guy in-game because it's more merciful than what the world had in store for him.

I mean, the ghoul's a fucking cowboy from the wild west character he used to play in Hollywood glam and his wife was one of the people who helped blow up America in the name of capitalism and "peace". There are so many layers of this to explore, I'd need several days to try and keep track and go through it all.

The Amazon Prime show is a testament to the Fallout franchise. The message, the themes? They were not messed up or muddled or anything of the sort, in my opinion.

As for Todd Howard, that Bethesda guy, I'm sure there's perfectly valid reasons to hate him. I mean, I've hated people for a lot less valid reasons, and that's valid. We all got our feelings. But the show is about more than just him. My advice is to keep that in mind when you're judging it.

[profoundlyfaded]

[HC] The Orb and Karsite Weave

(Or: How Mystra is Only Out For Herself)

This primarily comes from my head canon that I use in all cases about the The Orb, and well specifically the book from where The Orb was contained.

I think the book in which the Orb was contained arrived back on the Material Plane at the same time The Crown was heisted out of Mephistopheles’s vault, stored by the Archdevil because he knew it contained this nascent divine power and perhaps he was considering whether a time would come when he would use it.

The Book, and by extension The Orb, were accidental passengers in Durge and Gortash’s return from Cania, perhaps that one could not be without the other - however, they completely overlook this book. But the Book and Crown are a pair and had our two villains realised this, they’d have had something more powerful than even they originally conceived!

So, it lands in the world and it’s like a flashing beacon; ancient, almost primordial. At first, Mystra’s Chosen picks up on it because it’s his work, seeking out and destroying magic that would threaten The Weave. However, his assessment of it is that of the old Weave, Mystral’s Weave, before she unravelled to end Karsus. Restoring this would be a great boon to Mystra, and to him, increasing her opinion of him in her eyes as well.

Gale has no idea it’s Karasite Weave; he tells us this in Act III and there is absolutely no subterfuge on his part when it comes to his titbit of information. And this isn’t a ridiculous notion - all magic was destroyed that day, and the Karasite Weave probably only existed for seconds. It should have been wiped out as something too small to shatter.

The only person who knows what it is, is Mystra. And I have trouble believing she wasn’t aware of what her Chosen had found until it was too late. Mystra could have stopped Gale, saved him before he needed saving but she let him open the book.

I suspect her reasons stem from a ruthless decision that she was willing to let any number of people die to destroy this piece of magic. It’s a threat to her - something that has utterly destroyed her Weave in the past (Gale tells us this in the none-romanced version of this discussion). It’s important to note from the Audience between Mystra and Gale is she says herself that it was his focus on saving himself that caused her to shun him. So, in essence, Mystra has two things to fear - the Crown itself as well as her Chosen now being imbued with this terrifyingly powerful nascent divine power. She knows if Gale combines the two, he’ll probably outstrip her as a God in a very short space of time.

(As an aside here, I think Dekarios the Divine does eventually usurp Ao if you pursue Godhood - that’s my interpretation of Raphael’s ‘warning’.)

Mystra shuts herself off from Gale, hoping, maybe even going as far as praying that he’ll run out of artefacts and explode, destroying the Karsite Weave with him. Again, she doesn’t really care about the casualties, to her any number of dead justifies the destruction of the Orb.

But he doesn’t run out. Instead Gale crosses paths with the Mindflayers, their Netherse imbued tadpoles and in orbit of The Crown.

Mystra sees the opportunity - she knows Gale has no idea what he’s really dealing with. She can be rid of The Crown and Orb in one fell swoop, and Gale is the Chosen who fell in service to his Goddess. I get the feeling the Mystra thought Gale might be grateful and much more willing to do this than he actually is, and feels her path is assured. She doesn’t count on the leader of the pack (or in the case of a Gale Origin run, Gale himself) deciding not to kill the Elder Brain at that moment.

It’s the easy route, isn’t it - what is a little sacrifice to save the world? Why would these heroes opt for the harder path?

So she dispatch’s Elminster to deliver the news and provide Gale with the much needed relief to let the Orb feed off the Weave. Remember this is not a cure, it’s a temporary respite that she could take away again.

(Aside here - the Human!Gale Orb ending is actually, in my opinion a really double edged sword because he’s not cured).

I do actually believe that Mystra couldn’t cure the Orb before now. The quest information for The Wizard of Waterdeep tells us, regardless of Gale’s decision, that if he seizes the Crown, the Orb will answer to him. I think Mystra can’t outright cure the Orb until she gets the crown because other Weaves don’t answer to her - look at the Shadow Curse, her power is deeply limited within Shar’s domain.

Once she has the Crown, it becomes in her best interest to extract the Orb from Gale. She takes it for herself, and we don’t really know what she does with it - perhaps she locks it away in one of her Pleasure Domes; perhaps she ponders using it against a fellow God such as Shar - but she needs both the Crown and Orb together. She cures Gale because it suits her and she’s not outright malicious enough to kill him in the process. I do think she held on to lingering affection for him but she also views him as what he can do for her.

[pennyblossom-meta]

Incoming analysis on The Temptation of Elminster by Ed Greenwood and how Elminster's relationship with Mystra is a direct parallel to Gale's. Should be able to get it out soon. EDIT:(currently a bit overloaded with work, but working on the analysis. Might need to split it since it's turning rather monstrous).

As a very short summary of the bigger piece of meta, I'll say this:

The way Mystra, in her infinite wisdom, is placed on a pedestal is quite... something. It's certainly unique to see how her Chosen (i.e., Azuth, Elminster) are happy to be "tempered tools for her to use". Here's a quote from Azuth, to Elminster:

"We are her treasures, lad...we are what she holds most dear, the rocks she can cling to in the storms of wild Art. She needs us to be strong, far stronger than most mortals ... tempered tools for her use. Being bound to us by love and linked to us to preserve her very humanity, she finds it hard to be harsh to us...to do the tempering that must be done. She began the tempering of you long ago, you are her 'pet project,' if you will, just as the Magisters are mine. She creates her Chosen and her Magisters, but she gives the training of them to others, chiefly me, once she grows to love them too much or needs them to be distant from her. The Magisters must needs be distant, that creativity in Art be untrammeled. You, she has grown to love too much."

That being said, Ed Greenwood is a so-so writer with an enviable imagination. But after reading this book, I now understand Mystra's allure to wizards better and the power dynamics between Gods and mortals in Faerûn. It's not pretty and there's a lot of whimsical fancy going about that she indulges because Mystra herself sometimes falls prey to her mortal side and the Chosen are a link to that remnant of humanity.

However, Mystra has the following twist: she is a woman who is primarily a goddess, being described as an unfathomable first love with superpowers, a mother figure, a teacher, a lover while being petty — and suffers from the idealistic narrative perspective of the Male Gaze.

At the same time, it's important to understand that Mystra's plans are for the long run, and possibly in league with Ao's commands to maintain the balance of her portfolio; otherwise all magic might collapse.

In the main post, I've an in-depth analysis of Azuth's message to Elminster. I'll highlight some of the more important passages:

"You are the dearest of her Chosen, yes," Azuth said with a smile. "She speaks often of you and of the joy you've brought her in the times she's spent playing at being mortal."

"All who work magic serve Mystra whether they will or no," he said. "She is of the Weave, and every use of it strengthens her, reveres her, and exalts her. You and I both know a little of what is left of her mortal side. We've seen traces of the feelings and memories and thoughts she clings to in desperation from time to time, when the wild exultation of power coursing through the Weave...that is the Weave...threatens to overwhelm her sentience entirely. No entity, mortal or divine, can last in her position forever. There will be other Mystras, in time to come."

"Mystra loves you as no other," the god told the mage, "but she loves many, including myself and others neither of us know about, some in ways that would astonish or even disgust you. Be content with knowing that among all who share her love, you are the bright spirit and youth she cherishes, and I am the old wise teacher, None of us is better than the other, and she needs us all. Let jealousy of other Chosen...of other mages of any race, station, or outlook...never taint your soul."

And this describes very well how Mystra's relationship with Gale went. My perception is that most Chosen (if not all of them) are in love with Mystra and that this love comes from the nurturing feelings that the Weave produces.

By the end of the book, after trials and tribulations aplenty, Elminster says this:

"Oh, Mystra, ye've been my lover, my mother, my soul guide, my savior, and my teacher," Elminster said aloud. "Please, hear me now."

Are wizards generally in lack of nurturing, motherly figures or is it just the Chosen? Mystra seems to turn her relationship with the Chosen into a dysfunctional, co-dependent mother-son-lover-teacher situation. When she needs the men who are her Chosen to "grow up", she distances from them and gives them tasks, while keeping them fondly within her reach — as they look after her fondly from afar, remembering the romance of youth.

[walkingstackofbooks]

DS9's Valiant (6x22) always makes me think of AOS, and it drives me nuts.

Valiant is such a poignant episode, and you can see all the time how young the crew are. They all feel like they are play-acting as senior officers, none of it feels genuine and just a little uncanny. And in the end it doesn't work out for them, because they are cadets, with limited experience and caught up in the personality cult of Watters. (I also can't separate this coda from the episode; it's perfect.)

Jim's crew is also made up of primarily cadets, and I guess in fairness the stakes are higher, they are the only ship between Nero and Earth? But even if his field promotion was good for a day, I think Valiant really highlights the difference between knowing how to command a ship - Watters was capable - and knowing what you should command the ship to do.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if Jim didn't have his destiny as James T. Kirk written for him, if he wasn't protected by plot armour, there wouldn't be any difference between him and Watters.

Gah, words are messy and there is more to this than I can tease out of my brain right now. But anyway: thoughts?

[kikyan]

Have you already done a nezha reborn ask for nezha/li yunxiang? If not could you do one whether it be yandere, nsfw, or some headcannons?

Don’t know why it took me so long but here you go! I was actually planning on writing about him first but then my friend got horny so Ao Bing happened before him, sorry Yunxiang </3

Yandere Li Yunxiang Headcanons 

These are my interpretations of his persona and none of these are 100% accurate. I don’t condone any of these actions in real life and all of this is purely fictional and should be taken as such. 

I’ve seen the movie like twice so I hope it’s enough, but until then I have this much to offer so hope you like them! Anyway, I see him as overprotective, possessive, manipulative, and controlling (depending on the scene). 

Okay so I know it’s not a lot but he’s, in my opinion, a very easy yandere? Like I can kinda think from the top of my head for traits. For starters, in the movie, he not only expresses a hard-headed and very stubborn personality, but he is also very emotional leaning towards anger. We can see that he can joke with Kasha and carry a friendship/conversation, but with his father, we can see that he has very different ideas and can stick to them. If he is angered he can very much act on it or avoid it together. Offered money to forget what Ao Bing did? Yeah, no his idea is an eye for an eye and he isn’t switching. Kasha, his father, brother, is very overprotective of his family and friends. 

His S/O is no different. He has one before him finding out he is Nezha? He’d be very overprotective of them and quite possessive. You and he would have a very serious and joking relationship. I see it as it would be like his and Kasha? Kinda like that, just obviously a bit more intimate. Does someone jokingly say something about you? Harmful comment or flirtatious comment? His tone might say joke, but his eyes and actions reveal his anger. Funny enough, while he is very stubborn and I see him as wanting to ensure that EVERYONE knows you’re his, he would never push it. He knows what is okay and what isn’t, while it may be difficult to admit he knows. 

An easier and less confusing way to describe the vibe I get is this. Try to be the dominant and always right, if they are proven wrong or do something wrong they will never apologize and either make it up some other way. With him though, I see him owning up to his mistakes just never admitting them out loud because it’s something he doesn’t want to express. The obsessive and possessive I also see as a common trait in wanting to be dominant and right. Regardless, it’s something he has. Now let’s get into more detail if his S/O replaced Kasha’s place and lost their leg? Ao Bing is gonna die (sooner) and literally, everyone will feel his wrath. If the clan has ever hurt his darling or affected them in any way, they will suffer as well. His anger issues also play a big role in this, his anger is primarily his driving force in controlling Nezha, and sooner or later he gets the hang of it without it. 

Manipulative and here is why. Have you ever jokingly said something and been like “Oh I guess you just don’t like me?” or something similar but then you encounter someone who HAS done it seriously. That’s him. If you ever argue, he WILL pull that stupid card. Gosh, I know people who do that and it’s so fucking annoying. Also sorry Anon, you asked for headcanons but I’m just slandering this poor man. That’s basically it along with gaslighting. He gives me toxic machismo vibes. 

Danger level? 6/10. Despite my slandering, he’s like Bakugo and many other characters with similar personalities. It’s hard to admit how one feels and they can’t. Sure, they get angry at times and it’s hard sometimes but while they don’t mean it they can’t control themselves. Sometimes they will apologize or sometimes they will make it up to you. Deep down, he cares for you and doesn’t want to lose you but it’s hard admitting the truth. Pretty sure I butchered his personality and this is not what you wanted so I am so sorry but yeah, that’s all I got. 

[aks3raao1]

Me, to Luja: So tell me about yourself

Luja: No

Me: ...ma'am I need to write the story—

Luja: Good luck <3

[now that I do think of it, ALTERNATIVE's main duo that's established right at the beginning is literally a chiller but edgier Katsuki and way worse sUrViVe Nagito genderbends]

~~~~~~

Luja Sen, she/her

Anyways, Luja and Romila are friends from middle school (the story starts with the beginning of their high school at AoS (Academy of the Specialised) which was essentially founded by Nyx). Luja gains her Specialisation (Ferrokinesis: The Ability to bend metal) at the age of twelve, so she has it for a lesser time period than Romila.

Luja primarily wants to become a scientist. Her family is happy with that, because it's praised and everything, especially in our society.

She has a gifted child superiority complex. Being a gifted child + Specialised means that she hardly had many friends in school. Her family had tried to get her to socialize....which didn't go down too well.

She believes that most people are annoying because they waste too much time on useless things like gossiping and what not, which she never showed much interest in and doesn't like to be dragged into those nonsense.

She is friends with Romila since they do share the same taste in stuff and were the only Specialised ones in their class. And they kinda stuck together for most of middle school and went into high school.

She has a problem when it comes to seeing Romila since she tends to see her bad parts and is like, "It's a phase" considering that it's not necessarily affecting her. Romila doesn't get too cranky with her since she fascinates her, with her passion™ for science. Also because she isn't all self sacrifice UwU.

Luja cares for her own self above others (but tends to put Romila pretty close to that hierarchy, which is why she's one of the only two Romila trusts during the Mansion of Death (the other person is Kratanos)) however she also does want to keep what friends she has and is generally caring towards them.

She has a genuine love for science and loves to discover how things work and why, and her favourite facet is Physics. She does want to invent things and honestly just make stuff easier for the Specialised who face a LOT of issues, especially when it comes to amenities since the government is an ass about accomodations and they gained the Fundamental Rights like ten years or so ago in the ALTERNATIVE timeline. And they gain an additional right ("The body won't be harmed for science") when they graduate from school, after signing a contract that they dedicate themselves to helping the government when called upon. (The whole contract is stupid and basically oppresses them more especially the punishment for not abiding by it).

With her goal of becoming a scientist, she wants to use her talents to make accomodations specifically for them so that she could have done something.

The things she fears the most is failure. Failing as in being unable to accomplish her goals. She is afraid of it because it's an unknown variable that's constantly haunted her and she's working hard for it to never reach her.

I suppose there's a way for her to confront that fear during the Mid terms at AoS where she essentially "loses" in the practicals due to her......teamwork issues.

Everyone thinks of her as stuck up and isn't interested to listen to her much and since she views the others as annoying people with annoying habits, she tends to fail to regulate them, causing Romila to win instead (yes, it's THAT unfortunate of a situation) in their match, which causes her to review a LOT of things and she tries to see what caused her to lose after having a severe breakdown.

She develops an inferiority complex in respect to Romila and then spends a long time wondering where she went wrong.

Rena (who somehow clung to her) tries to cheer her up but gets turned back halfway, but she still stays on and Luja is like, "Wtf" until she sees Romila going entirely off the deep end (she presents an interesting contrast to how Koldin sees Romila as well, she sees Romila's behavior and considers it as a justification for her own self....she uses Romila to justify herself a lot (since if you asked Romila, Luja was more or less fine according to her since she wasn't being a doormat and stood up for herself) while Koldin sees Romila as the reason he should cling onto his own stuff) and realises that she could be on the path to destruction herself and accepts Rena's help and tries to be more open to others which leads to the Mid terms parallels in the Archenemy of Society arc where she "succeeds" instead and manages to get the class together enough to escape the situation.

However it doesn't mean that her fear of failure has entirely vanished into the blue, she just reviews the ways she can fail better now and works around it to avoid it and has more confidence in her own self. But she is still scared of failing and would love to avoid that more than anything. However she's chiller after that.

Her intelligence is more or less on par with both Romila and Kratanos, making them the three main strategists in the final battle against the bigots (which is basically a rerun of the Mansion of Death situation but way way worse and fucked up and has different leads to it).

....

The thing is that, no matter what I do, she winds up feeling like one dimensional/repetitive, which is something I am trying to amend about all the characters (I mean, I had to revamp a lot of characters so it will probably take me a long long time to actually get to writing.........sigh besides she stands up like a cardboard amongst people (I mean, you have Romila and Kratanos with extremely complicated storylines and then you have her. Just there))

So the main question is how to make her more interesting as a character and on par with the rest while still keeping her character flaws and personality?

I think the easiest way to go abt this is to view her as a sassy Bakugo. They have the main points in common. They're salty, don't like to socialise, feel inferior to a certain someone while still having some semblance of confidence and a terrible fear of failure

Now as much as I hate to compare your character to another one, it makes it a lot easier to have them become - as my English teacher would say - more. So I am sorry if this comes off as offensive-

For Bakugo, he became interesting by playing a big part in the mc's main story and we do get a few scenes where his vulnerability is shown. I assume it's the same with your character but...what rlly ties the knot for me when it comes to Katsuki is the fact that his problems...are more than just an inferiority/superiority complex. His whole thing stems from background especially (*cough* abusive mom *cough*) and the fact that he's not the main character (or rather that the story isn't being told in his perspective).

These facts make us over think and want more of him. The mystery draws us in which is why I think Luja's character is so perfect for someone in the background. She doesn't like to reveal things abt herself and is pretty dismissive to most things on top of that (plainly just salty). Her character rlly draws you in and the best way to portray those kinds of characters is through another character. Ofc, you'd have to get to their POV eventually but it's important to note that most of the details should come from someone else's POV (an observer, if you will) instead of info dumping and starting straight with hers. A character that's mysterious with a very simple yet relatable story attracts a LOT more attention and interest when seen from someone else's perspective than when you kickstart it from theirs.

Ofc, if u are planning (or already have) started the story from her POV, that would be a bit problematic in terms of interest. But not a train wreck. This is where my other point comes in. The point of making a character have more than one problem

Different ppl as well as characters have a main problem but also different ones, no matter what way you look at it. It seems that even you are confused with all ur character's ins and outs (dw, we've all been there... I am still there tbh) and a solution to that is backtracking a bit and looking at their life from the very beginning in HEAVY detail (like more than u already did). Think abt what other trauma could have been caused, what doubts and fears could have slowly crept it's way to her heart and head (I am a sucker for long-lasting doubts that develop over time) and anything you can even so much as GRASP on. If you look at it and see it as a possibility, try to fit that into her character and add it subtly in different places (as subtext or a creative pattern, wordplay, doesn't rlly matter as long as it's not openly stated bc, remember, the key thing to these types of characters is mystery).

For example, a fear of failure can stem into anxiety before the character has even lost smth later in their life. They probably get rlly anxious when evaluating smth but don't show it much or at all so no one notices. This adds even MORE to the character bc you can build it up after other events. Like once they have failed, they could probably get even more anxious and then develop a bad relationship with the person who beat them (double the points if it was a friend). You could build all that up and turn it super toxic instead of jumping right to the healing. It makes it more interesting, doesn't it? Plus, reevaluating almost everything including world views after 1 loss is...kind of hard to believe even with anxiety (no offense)

Adding a lot of little problems and thinking abt how Luja's behaviour can impact other characters helps a terrible lot if ur doing most of the story from her POV. Especially since she's probably the most relatable character (from what I've heard anyway). I have a certain saying... it goes like, "It's better to have a relatable and connecting character than one with a problem that is too big for normal people to fathom."

I like characters with heart-wrenching problems that I would never be able to relate to (take maybe Shigaraki as an example ig?) But my favourite are the ones that make me feel as tho I made a real connection

Also, I would like to say...if ur looking to progress her character even further, I would debate on whether it's the complete end to the novel or if there'll be a second part. If it's a second part, keep some of Luja's issues. Make her get better but not completely "YAY, I AM DONE BEING TORMENTED". If it's the end of the novel/series/etc., make it so that she's resolved most of most of her issues. They don't have to be completely gone but they have to be a lot better compared to how they started. And how i would work that out is a mind map but knowing ur a scatterbrain...lets talk it out where everything is all over the place

Luja's main thing is to gain confidence in herself and be finally ok with losing, right? If you ask me, that's a tough one but not impossible. I think to get her from point A to point B is to put up a bunch of events like:

Get her super anxious when doing smth

Lose to *insert person*

Have a breakdown and over think on what she could have done better (on the project or whatever she lost at)

Get even more anxious and totally mess up the next thing

Lose once again (double points if it's the same person as last time)

Overthinking abt how she's not good enough

F i g h t i n g f r i e n d s c o z d r a m a

"YoU'rE nEvEr GoNnA gEt BeTtEr If YoU kEeP tHiNkInG aBoUt YoUrSeLf"

Over think abt no. 8 bc out of options and ideas and ✨a n x i e t y✨

Try listening to others more and become b e t t e r

Win smth (bc creator forbid 3 losses in a row to start depression)

Lose again (there is gonna be a bit of back and forth but is necessary for development)

"I tHoUgHt I wAs FiNaLlY dOiNg SoMeThInG rIgHt AnD nOw LoOk"

"Losing is not th3 3nd of th3 fucking world, you lunatic"

"WELL, IT IS TO ME, BITCH"

*insert psychology somehow idk*

Another loss

"I'm angry...but I'm ok"

Note that idk where bullying would come in and these are only how I would think it to go-

A character like this isn't rlly my strong suit when it comes to them resolving their problems but they are fun to write and think abt-

................................did I just give you advice on how to traumatize? I-

[thethirdamell]

hello! i've recently binge-read ur fic in like two weeks, which is crazy. 900k words and i somehow still managed to show up for work! i'm very much in love with it holly crap. i hope it's ok to ask some things tho? i was wondring, other than the obvious, is there any reason in praticular you chose for anders to keep what happened to him from amell? is it to give their relationship a change to grow naturally rather than just for amell to fix him? or am i reading into this lol. i'm so curious! ty!

Hello!

Thank you for reading! I’m glad you made it to work! (Two weeks? Wild!)

It is always fine to ask things. I love questions and talking about Accursed Ones. I’ve been working on this monstrosity for six years so I am a bit wrapped up in it. 

Realism

The majority of abuse survivors do not actually report their abuse for a variety of reasons. Fear, shame, not wanting their family and friends to know, not feeling that their abuse is important enough to report, feeling the abuse is too personal to disclose, feeling there’s no proof of the abuse, that the abuse wasn’t serious enough to report, that the abuse wasn’t really abuse at all, and overall fear of the person abusing them. 

In addition to all of the aforementioned reasons, recovery from abuse can take anywhere from days, to weeks, to months, to years depending upon the person. Even without considering the gaslighting, abuse survivors tend to have some fairly common responses, like PTSD, self-blame, isolation, anxiety, sexual concerns, etc. 

Working off of this, Anders speaks very little of his abuse in the Circle and what he suffered there beyond mentioning that he was in solitary for a year to the Warden Commander. When speaking with Hawke, he speaks in broad, but impersonal terms, and I suppose it could be argued that’s Justice influence, but I would argue it’s also a realistic response of an abuse survivor.

Sometimes it’s easier to tell some people, and not others. Some times you want to tell some people, and not others. Arguably, there’s no reason any abuse survivor should feel obligated to disclose their abuse in any detail to anyone. 

Narrative 

In the context of Accursed Ones, given that it follows Anders’ perspective, this particular arc is something of an abuse survivor story. While I love dark themes, I also want to make sure those dark themes are appropriately identified as being dark, and that they aren’t excused in the context of the narrative. Similarly, I want the positive aspects to be appropriately identified as being positive.

I do not believe an abuse survivor story should come with the caveat that the survivor must share that abuse to anyone for any reason. Sometimes someone already knows because they witnessed it (Fenris), sometimes telling someone is helpful (Nathaniel), sometimes you get outted and don’t have a choice (Franke), and sometimes it’s just not necessary (Amell). 

Amell is a little bit complicated because Anders’ behavior towards him was primarily - but not completely - a result of the situation he was in at the time. Anders is self-absorbed in a lot of aspects of his life (in AO and arguably in canon), and the major tension for their relationship came about as a result of Anders being so wrapped up in himself he didn’t consider Amell’s feelings... probably ever. 

That has nothing to do with Hawke, so there’s really no reason for Anders to address his trauma with Hawke to be forgiven by Amell. Amell also contributed to the problem with how much he allowed Anders and his general refusal to establish boundaries for himself. That said, the message isn’t that Anders needs to provide an excuse or even an apology to be forgiven, it’s just that he needs to change the behavior.

Relationship

From the context of the relationship it’s more important that they learn how to communicate as equals than it is for Anders to revisit trauma he fears would change Amell’s perspective of him. If Anders opened with his behavior being a result of trauma, Amell would have buried any of his own feelings, and had no character growth in learning to express his own needs. It also would have put a lot of strain and doubt on the relationship as to whether or not any emotions were genuine or simply born of sympathy on Amell’s part and escapism on Anders’.

The two of them are supposed to have each other on pedestals, and while that may never change, it’s important they be able to recognize there are people under the pedestals. If Amell came in and rescued/saved Anders from Hawke, the chance of Anders ever seeing him as a normal human being more or less goes out the window. I also wanted Anders to recognize that he can exist independent of Amell/anyone and be his own hero if the situation calls for it. 

All that said, I don’t think it’s much of a spoiler to say that at this point given Anders’ behavior Amell is aware he went through some form of sexual assault/abuse just given the way Anders has been acting and being a survivor himself. Finding out in bits and pieces as time goes on and little things are shared as the two grow more comfortable with each other is, hopefully, a more realistic and satisfying way to address it.

[yuusaris]

Rules: tag people you want to get to know/catch up with

Tagged by - oh, god @pyro-sea I just saw your blog on desktop for the first time and I was not expecting to be invited to a bowling alley birthday party - I'm here for it, don't get me wrong, I just did not bring any money for Shirley Temples, the quintessential drink of bowling. As we all know. [/jk ilu]

Last Movie At Home: My husband (@tepperz) and I just watched Encanto last night. And it is solid, I've been listening to Surface Pressure all day, I'm in love with Luisa, what's the news there... I have my little umbrages' with it (Mostly spoiler stuff, but also that I wish it wasn't Disney animation, I felt like it needed something a little more unique to really make the story pop - like how The Book of Life's already solid story is enhanced by it's style? I think a different animation style would have made it just a bit stronger.), but that's any Disney movie really? It was a fun movie, I haven't had fun with a Disney movie in a long while. I do reccommend it.

Favorite Color: Hnnnngggrhgleggfsjglaks don't ask me thiiiisssss, they're all good for different thiiiiings.

Uh, fuck, uhhhh llllightish red?

Last Song: Surface Pressure from Encanto, like I said. All day.

Sweet, Savory or Spicy: Ohhhh, they're all so good, but I gotta go with sweet. I love spicy foods and savory foods, but after eating any of them, I immediately crave sugar.

Currently Reading: A shit ton of witchy books that I haven't had the spoons to crack back open - primarily wanna finish Murphy-Hiscock's "House Witch" just to say I finished it, but at this point it's mostly a resource book. I wanna go through and highlight the parts I would reference though. Afterthat, I wanna pick The Crooked Path back up.

Otherwise, I'm currently on the audiobook for Iron Widow which is fantastic and gorgeously crafted. 11/10, recommended. Well worth it.

Currently working on:

So, like, I'm currently wrapping up the finishing touches on chapter 1 of my Body/Life follow up, Wedding Soup, which pal was kind and gracious enough to beta for me, and working through it with Tay, he and I are just trying to make some things more clear because the beginning isn't clear in how far back a flashback it is or if Ryou didn't know Bakura yet or not and ftgyhujiko a lot of things just need to be fixed.

Meanwhile, I need to start working on chapter 2 - Chapter 1 invovles an ao bozu, the second was planned to involve tsuchinoko but now I'm questioning if I'm really into the tsuchinoko angle as a choice for this, but I'm struggling to come up with more, so I just need to write it out, y'know? See what I want and what sticks, third chapter is nearly all the way written, and I know what I want for the others, but Chapter 2 really is kinda sticking it to me atm.

I am STILL working on the Rose/manipula fics Pyro requested in that prompt meme, but I'm making progress!

This is what I do when I'm stuck between paragraphs, I just blurt out what I want and how it should happen and then I color it purple because that's the color I use for text that needs to be changed/altered. I've doing this with manipula next, but it's been helpful for rose so far, I managed to bridge and eliminate a lot of unnecessary gaps and refine my pacing - it's still kind of a sloggy fic atm, but it's almost done and I can look it over more when it's a full copy.

Oh! I also started - okay Vrains has 120 episodes, I have 118 left to watch because I started a Chatshipping fic and I love them together, aaand I wanna work on a combo DM/Vrains vampire fic and for both fics I need to finish Vrains. My Chatshipper brain knows no bounds.

I'm also just dumping more FeyFic thoughts into a document right now - if anything, it'll at least be a good dump doc post, this fic is a plague upon my brain - Did i say Ryou stole Bakura's attention? he got mine in the deal too.

I am also.... on a binge to comment on every single ao3 fic in my bookmarks to show my appreciation for how much I loved reading it all, but got too self-obsessed to comment on when I added them. I'm really enjoying it, actually , even for fandoms I wasn't in for very long, there's a reason I bookmarked them, y'know?

And in my endeavors... I learned that - a lot of them updated.

With about 20+ chapters.

A piece.

I have... a lot of reading to do.

....

..... I'm gunna tag @justapalspal, @pyropelove413 @ygio and @tepperz

[rainnorshinee]

a pinned post — 🌸

☀️general;

hoi i’m vee, i’m 20, and go primarily by she/they. this my main blog and i generally post whatever i’m currently obsessed with here, so in case you followed me for something specific definitely check out my tags below. (´ ꒳ ` ✿)

🏷 tags;

#vee rereads l&co — what it says on the label, now with my unsolicited opinions and theories, but like only the posts i made AFTER the series was finished and i calmed down :)

#mine — any of the writing i’ve done!!!! yes!!!! Contains so much italics your eyes are gonna suck as much as mine do!!!!!

#asks — now without the dumb ask games i did when i was 14!!!! Huge!!!!

#vee reblogs — in case you wanna filter out anything that you might not care about!!!! i don’t mind!!!!

#yaaas music!!! — sometimes i think my music taste is really boring and then i see what my old highschool friends listen to and suddenly i feel like apollo himself yesyes

#aos — don’t watch this show anymore but if you somehow stuck around since, what, 2015? all of my ward hate should still be up :)

[orihara-infobroker]

Omnyodo and Onmyoji

Japan has a unique and diverse mythology that draws from different sources and it's quite fascinating to look at. This is a stream-lined rundown on how Onmyodo came to be.

Shinto is inherently Japanese, an animistic/shamanistic religion based on the concept that there are spirits everywhere. They call their gods "The Eight Million Kami" because to them there is an unknowable number of potential kami in the world. Shinto is both widespread and also localized. Local shrines may be dedicated to kami known only to that region, while some kami are known and revered across the country. Kami are neither wholly good nor evil, possessing the characteristics of both and inherently connected to nature, to the living and dying world. They are often looked at as beings humans should aspire to be, existing in harmony with the world. They are hidden from the mortal world, existing in their own spirit world that is a mirror to ours, separate yet connected. Shinto is led by priests, those whose role is to be an intermediary between spirit and material.

Buddhism was brought to Japan from China. A religion that deals in reincarnation and dharmic balance, it urges humanity to strive for purity, a wholly pure and good existence by which one might eventually achieve enlightenment and become a bodhisattva. Buddhism has distinct places that are equivalent to heaven and hell, and how you live your life reflects how you will be reincarnated. You may be reincarnated on earth, as any living being, or you may ascend to heaven, or descend to hell. There are a great many sects of Buddhism and it can be quite complicated to navigate. I've only a cursory understanding of it as it isn't my religion and I am not drawn to ascetic lifestyles. Buddhism does not have priests. Buddhism is a path you dedicate your life to and so they have monks. 

There is a saying in Japan: "Married Shinto, buried Buddhist." This is the reflection of these religions. Shinto is about life, Buddhism is about death. 

Onmyodo is not a religion. It is an occult practice that mixes the elements of a variety of mystical practices. An onmyoji is an occultist, not a priest or a monk. And Onmyodo primarily roots itself in the practice of Taoism, another Chinese influence on Japan. 

Taoism is, similarly to Shinto, a way of living harmoniously in the world. It's quite old and quite complicated, having a very long time to grow and change. The important parts here are that Taoism uses cosmology to determine the best path for humans - fortune-telling, feng shui and horoscopes - and it holds up an elemental balance using five elements - earth, water, fire, wood, and metal.

These are important because the roots of Omyodo lie in the practices of fortune-telling, reading the stars, and using the elemental energies. But they also lean into Shinto's native animism, involving spirit magic in the mix. So not only do Onmyoji tell fortunes and read the stars, but they can also summon or banish spirits. 

A side note here: while it is possible for Priests to exorcise spirits, it is not usually within their realm of ability to summon them. They can call upon the kami of their shrine but they cannot bend one to their will.

Onmyoji, on the other hand, were known for their ability to call on the spirits, often forming contracts with them. These are most often referred to as shikigami. The most common tools that Onbmyoji use are the five-pointed star symbolizing the balance of the five elements, combined with the ofuda, Japanese talismans commonly seen in Shinto, though the ones used by Onmyoji often used constellations rather than invocations of the kami. They also used hand mudra - taken from Buddhist influences - called the Kuji-in/Kuji-kiri. There were nine syllables to the mudra the Onmyoji used:

Rin (臨) - The strength of mind and body

Kyō (兵) - Direction of energy

Tō (闘) - Harmony with the universe

Sha (者) - Healing yourself or others

Kai (皆)- Premonition of danger

Jin (陣) - Reading the thoughts of others

Retsu (列) - Mastery of Time and Space

Zai (在) - Control over the elements of Nature

Zen (前) - Lighting and speed

Onmyodo was very popular in the Heian era but really reached its height with Abe no Seimei who was said to be particularly skilled and charismatic. The Tsuchimikado clan, whom he is either attributed to being the head of, continued his legacy, keeping close ties with the Emperors for centuries until 1868 when Onmyodo was outlawed and the Tsuchimikado clan was disowned by the Court.

So this is a very truncated version. It’s a centuries-old practice that mixes together other centuries-old practices to create something unique but information on it is not as accurate or available as on the practices that it stole from because of it being outlawed. The Tsuchimikado clan had actually developed a rigid curriculum of sorts with which to teach the practice but much of that was effectively lost or fragmented. I find it quite fascinating, especially where it overlaps and where it goes in its own direction. There are quite a few animes that incorporate onmyodo elements or characters:

Tokyo Babylon

Tokyo Ravens

Yami no Matsuei

Nurarihyon no Mago

A Certain Magical Index

Shaman King

Shounen Onmyoji

Natsume’s Book of Friends

Twin  Star Exorcists

Ao no Exorcist

And really, most anime that get into yokai also tend to touch on onmyoji. The Onmyoji mobile game is getting an anime in 2020:

So yeah, fun and excitement. I’m going to eventually follow up this post with some related thoughts on how I headcanon this working in the Harry Potter-verse because I’ve been a bit preoccupied with the thought. And I also am going to do a small post talking about the kotodama at some point which is a completely separate weird Japanese magic thing. This one will probably be much later because it’s still kind of a secret in Shadow and Light :3

[pair-annoyed]

Anime I Watched in Quarantine

With some of the restrictions being lifted, I wanted to make a sort of master post to see just how much I’ve watched in my time off. Plus, I wanted to share something more lighthearted with everyone.

All of these anime will be rated on a 1-10 scale, 10 meaning masterpiece, 1 meaning complete garbage. I’ll also share what I liked/didn’t like about each show. This list will go in chronological order, and will encompass all anime from 3/13 - 6/13. Multiple Seasons will be grouped together. 

1. Beastars - 8/10 

I dig how human and down-to-earth Beastars is. The pacing was a nice and the animation was unexpectedly great! It’s driving force is its characters and their interactions. Felt a little slow at times, and Juno annoys me, but that’s okay. I’ll be watching season 2.

2. Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun - 8/10 

Oh my god! This visuals for this were absolutely wonderful! It did feel a little cliche at times, I won’t lie. But, I still loved all of these characters and the nice balance between creepy and comedy. 

3. Ao No Exorcist - 6/10 

I posted about this one after I finished it. The ending really pissed me off. I feel like if I had watched this when I was 13, I would’ve given it a higher score. Compared to some of the other shounen I’ve watched, this felt a bit basic. That doesn’t mean I still didn’t like it. Still have to get around to watching season 2...

4.  Kaichou wa Maid-sama! 6.5/10

Shoujo usually isn’t my cup of tea. Maid-sama was a nice way to ease into the cliches of shoujo. Misaki is a great protagonist and the ending Maid-sama was so satisfying. I’m only giving it a low score because of its slow pacing and lack of certain character development. 

5.  Violet Evergarden Gaiden: Eien to Jidou Shuki Ningyou  - 7/10

I’m a big Violet Evergarden fan to begin with, so of course I liked this movie. It did not resonate with me as much as the series itself, but I still enjoyed it. Kyoto animation is never disappointing in their visuals and sound design 

6.  Chuunibyou demo Koi ga Shitai! - 8/10 

Chuunibyou demo Koi ga Shitai! Ren - 6.5/10 

Chuunibyou was a breath of fresh air for me. It was so different from all other romance anime I had seen at the time. It for sure has a slice of life vibe to it, but it was still so good! It reminded me of being in middle school and my “chuunibyou” phase. The second season was not as enjoyable as the first. I guess I just had higher expectations for Rikka and Yuuta. 

7. Dr. Stone - 7/10

Dr. Stone is honestly such a perfect shounen for me. I’m a science nerd, and with taking AP Chem this year it was kind of nice to sorta apply my knowledge. This show also has some of the best reaction images ever. The tone, however, is a little inconsistent which made it hard to keep watching. I do love the relationship between Senku and his Dad, that whole sub-plot was so endearing.

8. Oshiete! Galko-chan - 6/10

This one only gets a low score because its so short and the op takes up like half an episode. This show had been in the back of my mind for a while. I decided to watch it after seeing a video essay discussing it. Its masterful subversion of tropes and stereotypes was refreshing. The message of this show is so positive, and everyone can benefit from watching something like this.  

9. Mairimashita Iruma-kun  - 5/10 

The second half of Mairimashita Iruma-kun was so much better. I’m not completely sure why I didn’t like this as much as I should have. Overall, its a really average show. The comedy (and musical numbers???) give this show and charismatic and chaotic vibe. I’m someone who focuses primarily on character-character interactions, and this show definitely had it. It isn’t monogatari levels of dialogue but it’s still nice. For the studio’s low budget, they were able to make a really bright and colorful show. I’ll be watching season 2.  

10. Byousoku 5 Centimeter - 8/10

Very. VERY. Pretty!! This one was another one that didn’t completely resonate with me emotionally. I still loved the story and the way it was told. Its not like Your Name or Tenki no Ko, it’s realistic and grounded.

11. Mob Psycho 100 - 8/10

Mob Psycho 100 II - 9/10 

Style alone made Mob Psycho 100 so impressive. By the second half of each season I was emotional invested in Mob and his whole journey. Season 2 is receiving a higher score because it was able to make me cry. That’s something I NEVER expected. I’m mad I didn’t watch this sooner. It is a great balance of action, comedy, and heart. 

12. Noragami Aragoto - 8/10 

Not sure why I put off Norogami’s second season for so long. I absolutely loved it. The focus on Bishimon was a nice change of pace and it was great to see Yukine develop more as a character and begin to loose his arrogance. Kazuma was my favorite character in all of this. His ability to affect the people around him was presented nicely. I was emotionally invested the whole way through, and I’ll probably pick up the manga. 

13. Ookami Shoujo to Kuro Ouji - 3/10

Ah yes. My least favorite thing on planet earth. This is a wonderful example of Shoujo at its worst. Their relationship was incredibly toxic, and the characters themselves were poorly developed and generic. The whole time all I could think was that I was watching normalized Stockholm Syndrome. Our MC deserves so much better. 

14. Youjo Senki - 6/10

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting to like Youjo Senki as much as I did. I’m not usually one for iesekai. The action was great, but the use of CGI bogged down scenes. I do NOT really like the protagonist that much because she came across as apathetic. Towards the end, I started to like her more. This was also my first military/warfare-focused anime. If either a movie or second season is made, I will probably not watch it. 

15. Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica - 6.5/10

I wanted to like Madoka Magica more than I did. I really did. The style was compelling and the story was interesting. Especially in the beginning, a lot of the death and sad stuff didn’t feel all that sad. The last 4 episodes are a solid 8/10, I love time shenanigans. The emotions and character development really shined through in the end. Madoka is such an inherently kind-hearted person, I love her so much! 

16. Yakusoku no Neverland - 8.5/10 

I was expecting Yakusoku no Neverland to be more graphic, but I’m kind of glad it didn’t go that route. Like Madoka, the last four episodes had me really invested. However, the character development was not as rushed. It’s a smart show and welcomed change of pace. Emma is my favorite character and you bet I’ll be watching season 2. The more I think about this show, the more I appreciate it. 

17. Mo Dao Zu Shi - 9/10

Mo Dao Zu Shi 2nd Season - 8/10 

I know that is is technically a donghua, but I’m counting it as an anime because its on MAL. Amazing visuals and an incredibly layered story.  Censorship makes it difficult to fully appreciate this work and its original novel. Even though I was confused for the first 2 episodes, Mo Dao Zu Shi did a great job of developing the time period and character relationships. The second season wasn’t as satisfying as the first but still great! I don’t think I’ll be watching the live action anytime soon, but I believe that a 3rd season is confirmed for 2020.

18. Banana Fish - 8.5/10

I knew nothing about Banana Fish going into it. Although I didn’t cry at the ending, it definitely made me feel some type of way. Kind of... numb. Banana Fish is painfully realistic. So much so that I had to take a break after episode 15 because I felt sick to my stomach. I also praise Banana Fish for it’s healthy, non-fetishized relationship representation. Eiji and Ash have such a complex but healthy relationship. I hope Banana Fish is able to pave the way for better representation in media. 

19. Promare - 5/10 

Why do people praise Promare so much? I hated how predictable it was. The whole movie felt like a 2 hour animation flex for Trigger. The only character in this movie that didn’t manage to piss me off it some way was Lio. The only other thing I’ve seen by studio Trigger is Kill la Kill, so compared to that, this felt like such a step down. :( I was disappointed. 

20. Given - 6/10

Given made me both sad and made me want to start a band. Overall the animation is nothing special, I do like the reactions that some of the characters had. Especially that “It’s Mutual” gif set. I couldn’t get over how much Ritsuka looks like Kageyama. My only complaint was how rushed Mafuyu and Ritsuka’s relationship felt. More time should have been dedicated to Mafuyu dealing with and moving past the loss in his life. All that said, I’m still watching the movie.

21. Enen no Shouboutai - 5/10 

Generic Shounen, bad ending, great animation. Need I say more? I did not watch Soul Eater (made by same creator), but this was enjoyable. Really cool fights, not so cool character development. A lot of the explanations towards the end felt like complete bull shit. Same energy as using fancy sounding science words to explain things. 

22. Hataraku Maou-Sama - 5.5/10

This is another show I felt I would’ve liked more if I watched it when I was younger. The iesekai trope is so beaten down that classics like this don’t really carry as much weight as they originally did. A 24 episode season with more Slice of Life episodes would’ve benefited this series greatly.

23. BNA - 7/10

BNA, in my opinion, was so much better than Promare. Like Hataraku Maou-sama, BNA would’ve benefited from a longer season with more Slice of Life Episodes. Trigger’s newer animation is beautiful and I really hope BNA gets renewed for a second season. The ending was cliche as hell, but still really enjoyed this show!

24. Devilman: Crybaby - 7/10 

A.K.A. The one show I’ve got to watch when I know I’m alone. The use of multiple languages besides Japanese in the sub was a unique take. The animation was also a little jarring at first, but I came to love it. The themes in this are not the most positive. The end left me feeling numb, but also appreciative. Ryo pissed me off as soon as he tried to kill that cat, so it was hard to sympathize with him in the very end. It is a really good show, but also sickening, Watch at your own discretion.  

[myheartisbro-ken]

you mentioned in a comment on a supercorp fic (i feel like a stalker, yikes) that you got in contact with darren doyle and he gave you some tips on using kryptahniuo, the sentence structure, the krius thing, etc.. would you mind sharing them? because i feel like i've sucked all available resources dry, and as a huge kryptonian nerd, i'd really appreciate it! (ofc, feel free to ignore me and pretend like this never existed if i'm intruding or unknowingly acting like a jerk.)

Okay, soooo, this is all from 3 years ago and I don’t have the best way to make myself clear when talking to people, but I’m gonna put here the things that are relevant and cut out my cringey communication. This is also for anyone who writes and would like to know a lil bit more about the language, or just people who enjoy conlangs. The vocab is over at kryptonian.info, but this is a clearer explanation of some things I had a bit of trouble with.

It’s pretty long though, so strap in.

Here we go:

Me: I was kind of having a hard time trying to figure out what the present form of zhao would be since it already ends with an 'o' and the present suffix is 'odh', I wanted to say 'I love you' with zhao , and on your page I could only find the ukiem sentence. Would it be zhaodh? And how would the full sentence be? What about shovuh, would it be shovuhodh?

Doyle: Sweet! I'm glad to help (I only wish the writers of the show would help instead of butchering the grammar ... and pronunciation)

Ok ... give me a moment to work on this...

Ok ... /zhao/ ... this doesn't end in /o/ (as in go) it ends in /ao/ (as in cow) which is a different vowel. Even if it did, though, you would still go ahead and use the /odh/ suffix. Two vowels in a row in Kryptonian is going to be super rare (pun intended), but in those cases Kryptonian phonetics will use a slight "w" sound to separate the vowels.

So ... it would be /zhaoodh/which would be 3 characters in Kryptonian writing: zh + ao + odhSo, your sentences would be: /zhaoodh (khuhp) w rraop/ and /shovuhodh (khuhp) w rraop/The subject is optional

Also, this is a sentence that would likely be gendered (familiar and/or intimate speech)

So, "I (female) love you (male)." would be: /zhaoodh (khap) w rrup/

BUT

Let's talk about informal speech, because the I love you stuff gets weird ...

zhao and shovuh are primarily nouns, but at some point they got codified as type 1 verbs (taking suffixes)... and grammatically (especially formal writing) type 1 is kind of the "proper" way to use them. But in day-to-day speech, these usually get treated as type 2 verbs (no suffix)

I should back pedal briefly and say that all this applies to /ukiem/ (familial love) ... and actually to /:jev/ (n. happiness, joy) with /:jevodh/ meaning essentially "like" or "enjoy"

So anyway, the informal variant ends up as something like /zhao w rrup/ (you would almost never use the subject with the type 2 forms of these words) Total side topic ... (hope I'm not overwhelming you here) ...

Since type 2 verbs mark tense with a vowel change, there is an interesting result with /zhao/ ... since the past and future versions end up being /zha/ and /zhi/ respectively which also just happen to be the words for "yes" and "no" which also act as augmentative and diminutive markers...

It's a bit of a chicken and egg situation as it's unclear if the "will love/did love" meanings gave rise to the "yes/no" meanings or if the existing "yes/no" words guided the vowel shift as /zhao/ went from noun > v1 > v2

Me: Okay, first, in the verb section of your page you say that not using a suffix creates the potential form of the verb, yet there is a prefix, kai, for potential, so if someone were to ask 'can you do...' say, 'can you speak/say this' would it need the prefix and then the present suffix, or just not use either. Like, would it be 'ta-kai-ehworodh rraop w [thing]' or 'ta-kai-ehwor' or just 'ta-ehwor' or is all of that completely dumb and I totally misunderstood everything? (I'm also not sure when I should and shouldn't use the hyphen) And the second is simpler, I guess: going by 'us-kah' as like a petname for your child, would the same apply to a parent, such as saying 'jeju-te' in sort of the same way kids say 'mommy' and not just expressing relationship. And could that apply to a person's name as well? Like, idk if that works in english, but say you have a nickname for someone and then you say 'that's MY [nickname]', (I do that for my aunt in portuguese, which is why I'm asking)

Doyle: Dang ... the "suffixless form of the verb forms the potential" is actually a holdover from an idea when I first started making the language that eventually got abandoned. Thought I removed references to it, but I missed that I guess.

Hyphens are just there to help show the morpheme breaks when explaining the language. If you are just writing Kryptonian, then you wouldn't use them at all.

so /?takaieworodh rraop ki kryptahniuo/ would be correct

Ok ... the "familial-possessive-honorifics" ...

They kind of act like an honirific (Mr., Mrs., Sir, Ma'am, Señor, Señorita, San, Sama etc.)

They attach using the proper noun punctuation...

So ... Kal-El => /kal,ehl/

Mr. Kal-El => /kal,ehl,jran/

(I'm not related it Kal-El)

Let me start over on that last one

I am talking to you about Mr. Kal-El, I would say ...

* (neither of us is related to him): /kal,ehl,jran/

* (I am related to him, but you aren't): /kal,ehl,te/

* (we are both related to him): /kal,ehl,kah/

* (I am not related to him, but you are): /kal,ehl,ni/

* (Neither of us is related to him, but we are talking about someone who is related to him and that relationship is pertinent to the conversation): /kal,ehl,cheh/

So in that sense, these are honorifics ... they are more formal, not less

so ... us,kah for a child probably wouldn't end up being a pet name

and it means "our" child ... so even less likely in that sense (us,te would be "my child")

and it uses the less intimate gender-neutral form

wait ... scratch that ... /us/ is masculine (derp derp)

so, a more likely candidate for a pet name for your child would probably be /us kir/ (little boy) or /is kir/ little girl

you could also do something clever like /krius/ or /kriis/ (that second word would be pronounced "kree-yees") ... borrowing the "bright" prefix and applying it to the child noun

For Kryptonians that wouldn't have as much of the meaning that an English speaker would assign to "bright" (smart, clever, etc), but more of a sense of "joyful", "pleasant", "you-light-up-the-room" kind of sense.

An English equivalent to /krius/ would be something like when you refer to someone as "my little ray of sunshine"

getting back to your actual question ...  

/jeju,te/ and /ukr,te/ would also be more formal. Kids (especially older kids) would be expected to use this form in public when addressing parents

but at home it would probably be just /jeju/ and /ukr/

for the very youngest kids, /jeje/ would be "mommy", and /uku/ (or even /kuku/) would be "daddy" ... but, unlike some dialects of English (especially in the Southern states), those variants wouldn't last very long as kids would be encouraged to use /jeju/ and /ukr/ as their speech developed

So ... ummm ... I'm not sure if I've answered your actual question ... if I have, I may have indicated the opposite... Kryptonians would remove the "my" on a petname ... does that sound right ... hmmm ... thinking about it

Shoot ... I guess I don't really know how to give you a solid answer on that one. Pet names can be funny things, I think ... because even in English I can see formal titles being absorbed as "cute" ... like having a little fluffy dog that you pick up and in a cutesy voice call "Sir Snuggles"

so ... armed with the info for "normal" speech/grammar ... pick whatever feels right to you!

Me: The first I wanted to ask is if 'Awuhkhu zhadif khap w rrip' is correct for 'I'll never leave you'

And the second I tried to make it out, but the result looked weird so I was just very unsure about (while the other I'm a bit more confident about) so how would 'please don't leave me' be, cuz 'please don't' is a full prefix, right? so it'd be 'please don't' prefix + leave + present suffix and then the pronoun separately. By that logic it'd be 'sozhaoawuhkhodh khap' is that correct?

Now there's actually a third one that I don't even know where to begin (mostly because I didn't try too hard) but I wanted to know would you say the sentence 'she left me alone' or 'my mother left me alone'?

Doyle:

/.awuhkhu zhadif khap w rrip/ ... yep, that's correct!  

/sozhaoawuhkhodh khap/ ... yep, that's right too

or you might go with the future tense, especially if those two sentences are going together

/sozhaoawuhkhu khap/

actually ... whoops... /khap/ is the object of the sentence...

/sozhaoawuhkhu w khap/

Let's see for "she left me alone", I would use the malefactive and the past tense of "to go" (which I just realized wasn't in the dictionary - doh!).

So ... let's see... go+past-perf she w me mal.

hmmm... alone, though ...

cause/PST she be/PRS me w alone ki go/PST/PRG ... ?

/podh zhehd nahn khap w chahvymah ki rrosh/ (that last verb wouldn't take a suffix, derp) ... "She made me alone by going" ... hmmm...

You could always just use /podh zhehd nahn khap w chahvymah/ ... she cause me to be alone ... that's probably the closest to the English 

So that’s it, so much information that I thought it was actually a longer convo

[yourdesertsunflower]

Analysis/Opinion, Boruto Episode 178

Cause when they do something right that is worth watching I got to give them credit. 

Okay, okay, okay.  What the hell did just happen? Boruto almost made me tear up? Yes, almost.  I know I’m late (way too late, and I haven’t seen this weeks episode to be honest) but I needed to speak about this episode because, causing me to almost tear up is somthing that both OG Naruto and Naruto Shippuden only did in other occasion which, uncoincidentally, involving the same two characters. But well, we get more into it later but before starting with the analysis, which will be done in chronological order, I will just warn you: SPOILERS! Now yes, let’s get into it. 

At the beginning of the chapter I already knew this was going to be good. Like, really good. The first shot showing Shikadai tying up his hairs lacks of subtlety yet is a very good symbol and a clear indicator of what will come up next. Nara’s pineapple hair is quite a staple for the clan, it show us the tradition passed down from generation to generation. It’s, also, something that connects, both in a visual but also symbolical level, all three grandfather, father and son. Having Shikadai tie up his hair at the beginning of the chapter just was a sneak peak of all to come, how in some moment Shikamaru will have to do the same as his father and entrust everything of Shikadai knowing that he’ll be able to make things right. Really short and sweet. 

The “breakfast scene”, that’s how I called it. Well, this is the only moment we actively was Temari which is sad because I’m craving for moments with her and actually thought this was a good opportunity to do so. Yet, I respect the decision that Studio Pierrot made to focus primarily on Shikamaru and secondarily on Ino, though I would have loved to see a little bit more of the later but I’ll talk about that later. 

I think the gesture of Temari talking to Shikadai before hand about everything is very telling of Temari as a character and her relationship with Shikamaru. It does not only show a deep bond between the couple, created through a deep comprehension of and care for each other which is nice. Both Temari and Shikamaru know about loss and it’s really nice that they know what each other need during the times of grieving. She doing the dishes, talking to Shikadai or giving him the space during that day feels fitting as Shikamaru is known to be someone who needs to process things on his own. However, Temari always is there, and through little acts she shows it (even I liked the strict parenting that it was displayed here, is more of what I’ll imagine Temari doing). But, yes there is no need of flashy displays she just does it everyday which, is beautiful.

I got no particular dislike of Shikadai not remembering the date. He is almost a teenager born and raised in a period of peace and it shows. Probably he had other things in his head but, boy, you are supposedly a quick thinker! If you saw not only your father unusually late at home but both your parents are dressed all in black. I really don’t think that connecting the dots was so difficult. Still, it was passable since it gave the excuse for Temari to talk (which though sad, it’s true). 

Shikamaru in this scene is anticipating what will happen through the chapter. This is an important date not only to them but the whole of the villages but, also the change between the sequences to the monument of those who died in the line of duty, the Will of Fire also sujested the grate importance that it has to him even though he doesn’t like to admit it that openly. There is something that kept ruminating in his mind since that day; something that makes that day even more than a commemoration day towards his father.

Okay now, having finished with that opening scene, let’s get into the second scene. Before entering into the more detailed thing let’s get through this first. I know people were pissed about Hinata not being part of the group while being present at the commemoration ceremony. I find this to be understandable in terms that Hinata is no longer a active jonin, and that all the once that were up in the stage were people who thought at the Fourth Great Ninja War for Konoha and still are active ninja. Does this justifies it? No, but it gives us some sort of explanation. I personally was way more focused on having Hinata bringing Neji’s portrait. I found this enduring and a really nice gesture that just makes me want to have seen more of their relationship and development in Naruto Shippuden. In the same manner though I was pissed of that Choji wasn’t that present I understand the necessity to fill a story in a 22 minute timelapse so, even though I think Choji could be easily added better within the chapter, I understand the decision to not involve him that much. In the same manner it would have been nice to see Yoshino and Choza within the people of Konoha, a real missed opportunity.

Shikamaru looking above to the sky is a lovely gesture that carries a lot through it. I often talk about how beautifully written is Shikamaru’s arc through Naruto. He is the pivotal character that I would put a focus if a coming of age story is what you are looking for. And this character arc left us with one solid idea in my opinion, sometimes what you always wanted won’t be what is given or what is needed from you. Growing up is about taking responsibilities about following the path you consider to be right and not the easiest. However in this little moment we can see a really human Shikamaru that, is not only looking up into the sky towards his lost father but his lost dreams. There is almost a melancholic tint to all this scene, because we all have times in which we wish we could be kids again and really don’t care. It’s really humanising and it is done with such a subtlety that it surprised me.

Ao coming back is still something I don’t end up getting used to, even with two rewatches of the episode. But I got to say it, even though I find it quite convenient, he fufills the role that is needed from him in this chapter being the only person that can answer the question that’ll bring peace to Ino and Shikamaru so, even though a little bit crappy in its execution I really don’t mind he survived.

Shikamaru and Ino and their talk was really fresh and something I never knew I needed. As I always said, I love Team 10 and their dynamic. There is an undying love, support and care for each team member to the others that is so wholesmome and sweet. And in this scene they were able to replicate this perfectly. The friendship between Ino and Shikamaru was always a beautiful element within the narrative because they are, in my opinion, a really good representation of a female-male friendship. And no, this doesn’t mean that you can’t ship them (I mean you do you) but it means that I think that it was a really nice scene between two friends, one a woman and the other a man, that care about each other like family and that I am sure would do anything for each other and I think that is beautiful. Friendships between men and women should be normalised on screen and I think that Ino and Shikamaru, beyond the Ino-Shika-Cho as a whole, are a really true example of what a healthy friendship can be. They joke around with each other but also don’t shy of being vulnerable and supportive.

Here enters the well known “Survivor Syndrome”, also called Survivor Guilt, something that all three main characters within the chapter have, meaning, Shikamaru, Ao and Ino. This is a mental condition that occurs when a person believes they have done something wrong by surviving a traumatic or tragic event when others did not, often feeling self-guilt. Obviously all characters show it in different degrees; for someone like Ao that guilt is turned into the inspiration to move foward with his rehabilitation in order to live for those who died but in the case of Shikamaru and Ino it is explored completely diffeng through one element, key for this chapter.

The Recurrent Question, is basically a lovely way to introduce us to syche of this two characters and better understand the weight this two characters carry beyond the leadership of their clans. Their parents died at a fairly young age and their kids were inexperienced as it regards a war of this magnitude beyond being basically teenagers. Taking all this into account, beyond Shikamaru’s characterisation which goes alonb with it, it really isn’t weird the question they have. It fairly logical, give the situation they found themselves in years ago but also nowadays as parents to the next generation. It is really a ver humanising question as it reminds us that, before being incredibly talented ninjas they are people. This is something they need to understand for personal reasons: both as son and daughter but also as parents. Compeleting that piece of the puzzle is what something will give them a much needed peace and, also the key to move foward as it’ll be gaining a better understanding of, not only their parents, but themselves

The Next Generations, is a theme that was always reinforced through all the series but specially in Team 10. This is not only given the importance the Will of Fire had for the characters that conform it but also in the genesis of the team itself. The formation of the Ino-Shika-Cho is a strategic one that is built and reinforced through tradition. Hence the strong bonds between the different he generations of these clans because, by the passing of the torch they are entrusting there lives and legacy to the following in line. They importance of trust and time become apparent as they show us the new generation of the Ino-Shika-Cho as Shikamaru says that one day they’ll entrust everything to them, unknowingly, providing him with the answer to they question he asks. But, why he doesn’t notice this? Because he had to hear it himself, showing the respect and admiration they had as shinobi. As Ino said they were heroes, real shinobi till the very end, but is that really so? I don’t think so.

Then we go to the sequence in which Ao leaves a flower to greet farewell to Inoichi and Shikaku which I think is a really nice yet simple moment. He also had the weight of never having said goodbye to them and through this gesture he is finally coming together and giving himself a much needed peace; he finally forgave himself for being the sole survivor of that division and of the destruction.

“You look just like your father”  Well that hit me on a personal level. All people since I can remember always told me I look exactly like my mother. And, as many people that also where told so may know is not something you particularly like to hear when you are a child. You want to your own individual unbound of you parents and their lives but, when you grow and loss that special someone, well it hits differently. I can imagine what those words would mean for Shikamaru, probably some needed words that we all saw coming. It’s the idea that, somehow, he is able to keep with his father’s legacy which transcends the looks. It’s nice and sweet.

And here the question comes. Since Ao was introduced it was obvious he’ll fufill this role; answer the question. It was so brave for Shikamaru to ask it, knowing the answer may not be what he may wanted. The fact he says he “sometimes” thinks about this, shows us that the question tormented him for quite some while, fifteen years. It’s really sad if you think about the uncertainty that covered this vital part of his life that would go on to affect everything, his role as an advisor, as a Shinobi and as a father. But the answer was definitely something way needed for this two, and deserved. Seeing Ino and Shikamaru (well Shikamaru almost) cry made me almost tear up. And that’s what I said previously, Inoichi and Shikamaru as so many pointed out weren’t shinobi in their last breaths but fathers. And great ones, that entrusted without doubt and absolute trust everything to Ino and Shikamaru. It was a really beautiful moment that really felt gained and I couldn’t help but smile, though it always been obvious to me, I still was nice to hear it.

I would have loved to see more of Ino and her point of view through the chapter. I think we followed Shikamaru all through it, and don’t get me wrong I am a sucker for any Shikamaru-centric episode, but it would have been lovely to see the other side of the coin, the complete story and view. So yes, my main complain with this chapter as a whole would be that.

And we get to the ending. First of all we see Shikamaru watching the clouds as he used to do when he was a child, for me a clear indicator that a big weight had been taken away from him. It’s a lovely remainder that we can still dream and recall the child we once were.

Temari sending Shikadai to find Shikamaru is really fitting and a good gesture of Temari to be honest. I think she knew he’ll need Shikadai, as I said before this two know each other so much, so I doubt this was arbitrary.

Shikamaru and Shikdai are really such great father-son duo, I really like their interactions and how Shikamaru is able to reflect himself in Shikadai, hoping that one day his son can learn something from him as he did with his father and knowing he’ll be able to entrust everything when the time comes. And, who I am lying saying that the time will come? Some people say that this was a the anime anticipating Shikamaru’s death but, to be honest, that’s something I already knew since nothing of his dream come true. He never had two children and the first was a boy, he married a stunning and troublesome woman he truly loves, he is the Hokage’s advisor and one of the most important figures in the Shinobi world. Besides, Asuma’s and Shikau’s death I think showed Shikamaru that there is a way more fitting way for a shinobi, but even more importantly for a human, to die than peacefully which will be protecting what he loves. Yes, that moment will probably break my heart but, if done correctly, it’ll be a perfect end for this character.

The only thing I got left to say, because I won’t analyse the last scene cause (being honest) I was completely taken by surprise is, what happened to Temari? I got to say, that wasn’t really nice of Shikamaru and neither of Shikadai. Shikadai was looking for Shikamaru in order to go home to Temari, who was waiting for them. I just gonna set this clear - now Studio Pierrot owes us a Nara Family Moment/ShikaTema for doing dirty at last second lmao.

Well this is my opinion/analysis of this episode of Boruto. I hope I didn’t bore you that much when reading my opinion and that you enjoyed the episode as much as I did. Have a nice day! ❤️

[flabotanum]

The AoS Finale - Where Everyone Ended Up

A Positive Review:

I’m just gonna preface this by saying: I don't think this was a perfect end to the show but in my opinion it came pretty close and I'm happy with it, so this is a positive outlook on where all the characters ended up. I’m not super interested in dwelling on what could have been and this show means a great deal to me so the fact that I’m overall happy with where everyone ended up is something I was hoping for and glad came to be. (This also ended up being way longer than anticipated hence the “keep reading” if your interested in my rambling)

The Nature of Family:

“Yet, this is the nature of families; I have seen it countless times on countless worlds. People arrive so we celebrate, and people leave us so we grieve. We do what we can with the time in between but the cycle is always there - no-one escapes it, not even me.” - Enoch (7x09)

The found family has always been my favourite aspect of the show, so finding out that the team wouldn't be together at the end (ever, because Deke stayed behind but also just them not staying a team) hit me hard. But after seeing it and how it was done, it honestly feels like a pretty realistic and bittersweet ending that fits the characters’ progression without ruining what I loved about their relationships. Because it doesn’t feel like they've really broken up the family – in fact, they feel like they're practically an actual family despite being apart now. That VR meeting they had was very reminiscent of an awkward family reunion, except we can clearly see that they all still love each other and aren’t interested in losing contact – there's no longer an imminent threat and so life goes on; the team members have their own lives now and those lives involve them not being together beyond meeting up every so often.

(Also, the spirit of a found family isn’t lost with the addition of Kora and Alya into these characters’ lives - sure, Daisy now has a biological sister and Fitzsimmons have their own kid but that doesn’t negate any of their other relationships to the team but instead makes it so that Kora and probably more so Alya are extensions of this larger family - like Deke was)

Happy Endings and New Beginnings (Each Character’s Ending):

LMC!Coulson: I fully expected LMC!Coulson to deactivate himself at the end of the season, but I actually like what happened with him in the end. Real Coulson being denied a peaceful death is what started this show and so when season 5 came, I was honestly happy that they ultimately let him die and it was a major concern for me that LMC!Coulson would take away from that, so seeing that in the end he was given full autonomy over that choice made me very happy. He's still with SHIELD but is also being allowed to do his own thing, and he is finally being left in charge of his own fate: the team obviously wants him to stick around but they are respecting his choice to decide that for himself. Plus, ending with him and Lola 2.0 flying off felt like a very good and satisfying bookend for the show to me.

May: I'll start with Philinda – I couldn't see any way for Coulson and May to end up together because the real Coulson had died and LMC!Coulson is ultimately not him; as much as I enjoyed their scenes together this season, it wouldn't have felt right to me for them to end up in a relationship together (and as for saving Real Coulson – they didn't go anywhere near that time and honestly saving Coulson would've been unfair to both him and LMC!Coulson, so I don't think it would've worked properly, especially with only 13 episodes)

So for May's actual ending: I think it's great. Over the course of the season it seemed to me that she was getting semblances of emotion back and in the VR meeting it looked like she was almost back to normal (I’ll admit that this should have been confirmed explicitly and overall explained a bit more but I digress). And as for being a teacher, she has been a maternal figure and S.O. for the majority of the show to several agents (primarily Daisy) and so ending the show with her retired from active field duty and becoming a teacher for a whole new generation of SHIELD agents (at Coulson Academy no less) felt like a wonderful ending for her character. It also felt - to me at least - like she and LMC!Coulson still have a bond (her offer was the only one he really responded to) and I think leaving it open was the best thing they could’ve done.

Daisy: I was always one of the fans that wanted Daisy to be the director at the end but given the character’s progression, I’m happy with what we got. Daisy has always been shown to be a good leader for small teams; we saw that with the Secret Warriors and the Space Team at the start of Season 6, so giving her a team and her own Zephyr to go out and explore space felt appropriate. She's in a place where she's comfortable with who she is and so allowing her to fill the role that Coulson had in her life with Kora brings her story full circle. She's "loving the journey" with Sousa and seems to be actually happy with her smaller space family. She was definitely the least comfortable with leaving the team for good, as shown by her looking at all the empty chairs at the end of the VR meeting and everything she said to Mack in 7x11, but I think it was important to show that despite the team splitting up, she still has that family - it’s just that she doesn’t see them all the time and that’s okay because they’ll still always be her family. (Also, Coulson asking her to give him a call when she got back felt a lot like a parent who’s kid had moved away which drove home that idea for me)

Fitz and Jemma: Not much to say for these two – they got their happily ever after with Alya and I think that's beautiful. Fitz fully retiring felt like the right call given that being a SHIELD agent was the cause of a lot of pain for him (I'm not saying it didn’t result in a lot of pain for everyone else because it definitely did, but I've always felt like Fitz would be better off living a peaceful and uneventful life since he's never really much enjoyed the good parts of being an agent like the others did). Jemma sort of retiring but helping Daisy with some stuff was also great. Honestly, just the two of them raising Alya is a good ending for them (not to mention Alya having this massive extended family that spoils her - it just warms my heart)

Deke: Deke probably has the most bittersweet ending because he doesn't get to see the rest of the team again. I have no doubt he'll look after the versions of the people he loves in his new timeline (like he told Mack he would) and he also has his own little found family with the Deke Squad (if I recall correctly, they said they’d be at the Triskelion after a few weeks so I don’t think they got killed when it went down) so I think he'd ultimately be happy. Sometimes you don’t get the girl but Deke made a major sacrifice for the girl he liked and the family he'd grown to love, and that’s a testament to how much he had grown from the guy we met in the future who didn’t understand how people would be willing to sacrifice like that. (Also, as much as it'd be nice for Alya to actually be Deke's mum - they kept saying “maybe” so I think they know the odds are extremely slim and are just being very hopeful - this ending made it so that messing up another timeline had actual consequences that Deke has to deal with and I can appreciate that)

Mack and Yoyo: I don’t have much to say for these two either. I was surprised that Mack remained at SHIELD but honestly, he's really grown into the job so him being the Director of a fully re-established SHIELD and getting to continue working with Yoyo, May and Coulson (and Daisy I think) in some capacity is nice – it also seems like he's enjoying it so that's great. Yoyo being a highly decorated agent, getting her own team and working for an institution she trusts (in no small part because Mack is in charge) is also a great ending for that character, because when we met her all she wanted was to make a difference which she can continue to do with SHIELD. (also Yoyo usually seemed to, for the most part, enjoy being an agent so that’s a happy ending I think).

All in all, I think that the way in which the show ended and where we see all the characters after a year was handled well. They’re all pretty happy but there’s a bittersweet realism in that they’re no longer all together and sometimes you have to embrace that life goes on. As far as I’m concerned, they’re still a family but they’ve entered new chapters in their lives - like Mack and Daisy said in 7x11, it’s not the same but that’s okay.

[melindacoulson4]

By her side

AOS started with the death of a hero. The Tahiti project was created to bring back a fallen hero. And so the cycle continues....only this time it isn't Phil Coulson.   Daisysous fic. Post-finale.

THIS IS WILD. PREPARE FOR FEELS. 

She jerked awake. Her eyes automatically looking to her right for the man in the chair. He was there, watching her closely. It took him a minute to react. He froze sitting up quickly, mouth falling open. "Hey. Hey. You're awake." He stood up and moved to her side quickly.  

There was a beeping. Her body hurt like someone had thrown her off the side of a building. At first glance, she saw nothing but white. White walls. White blanket covering her body. White bandages over her arms. Several things ran through her head at once. Miles was always telling her that she needed to cool it with her speed. That her van would turn into an accordion against any vehicle with substance. A car accident that had to be how she'd wound up in here. And this guy at her side was some nice citizen. A witness that had come to make sure she'd be alright.  

He completely surprised her when he grabbed a hold of her hand. "Skye," he whispered.  

He knew her name. "Huh?" She said. The way her voice sounded startled her. It had come out scratchy and deep, leaving the inside of her throat aching.

"Are you okay?" He looked down at her full of concern.  

No. Most definitely not okay.  

She tried sitting up. And that brought a spike of pain that went rolling down her spine but she continued to try anyway.  

"Hey. Hey. Hey," he protested. "Take it easy," he said, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder. "What is it? What hurts?" He asked, slowly transitioning to a seated position at the edge of her bed.  

The overwhelming sense of unknown threw her into a panic. "Everything. I. I. I..." She stuttered. "What's happening?" Against her will, her eyes watered. She didn't want to appear weak or fragile but it was kind of hard not to in this situation. It couldn't be helped.  

"You were in an accident," he told her, rubbing his thumb against the top of her hand. He was gentle in the way he touched her.  

An accident. That was acceptable, but the thing that scared her most. That had her palms sweating under the knit white blanket and her breathing picking up was that the last thing she remembered was white sand. Had she nearly drowned? Or worse, attacked by some stranger?

"Breathe. Just breathe. D- Skye. Look at me." It was a request, not an order. "Breathe with me, okay?"

Eyes swinging back to him, she nodded. His presence was calming. She blew a breath out. Her heart continued hammering away.  

"Slow...in and out," he coached softly.  

His chest rose and fell rhythmically. She did her best to mimic it. "Okay. Okay," she whispered. Feeling rational thought return. Things were okay. For one, she was alive and two, this man was here. As she knew he would be....somehow.  

Sensing her need for space again, he backed up slightly, but didn't go far. He stayed an arm's length away.  

Her mouth was so dry. Like someone had shoveled a truckload of sand into it while she slept. "Water," she requested.  

A styrofoam cup with a bendy straw appeared in front of her. She swallowed it down greedily, finishing it in three long gulps. His eyes never wavered from her face as he held the cup in place for her. When she found her breath, she asked, "Not to be rude or anything but...who are you?"

He looked down, swallowing hard. "James." It was not what she expected him to say. "You like calling me Jim though." He said, attempting to smile, but it failed to reach his eyes.  

"Jim," she tested. It felt weird, but she nodded anyway, wanting to make him feel better as he just did with her. His clothes were rumpled. Dark circles seemed engrained on his face like he hadn't slept in weeks. Several stacks of newspapers sat on the window ledge. He'd been sitting by her bedside for a while then. And it looked like he'd been in the same accident as her. A long, odd looking bruise lined his jaw. Several small cuts were sprinkled over his face. There was a black sling around his neck, cradling his entire right arm.  

Her eyes dipped to the hand he had near hers on the bed. No ring. So they weren't married. Given the hand holding and lack of ring there were only a few options. "Okay. Jim. Um. What are you to me?"  

She expected pain to cross his face or more realistically anger. Forgetting him entirely wasn't exactly a nice thank you for him sitting by her bedside. But he remained straight-faced, almost stony. "Your boyfriend," he said.  

Should she apologize? Hey Jim, you seem like a swell guy, but I have no memory of our time together at all. "I can't remember anything," she whispered, sounding small.  

He nodded. "That's okay," he answered, calm and collected. Not anything like his world had just been flipped upside-down, which lead her to suspect that he'd anticipated this.  

There was a cot pushed against the far wall. She had no roommate. A blanket was thrown over the back of his chair. A tower of books were stacked off to the side. She read the spine of the thickest one. "A concise history of the 20th century". He'd been bored enough to read something like that. Just how much time had passed? Long enough to accumulate these things to keep himself occupied. She was afraid to know the answer, so instead she asked, "What happened to us?"

He looked her right in the eye. "Helicopter crash."

That did not sound right at all. "A what?" She blurted, doubt clouding her mind.  

"There was a helicopter crash. We were...in Tahiti." He shook his head as if recalling something painful. "It completely shattered your left shoulder blade. You had a concussion. Ten broken ribs..." He trailed off.  

Come to think of it she did feel different somehow. Like she'd been torn apart and then put back together again, piece by piece. She expected some other explanation. Maybe it was the disorientation of the memory loss. Either way it was a deeply odd feeling to have.  

"Believe it or not you were lucky." His face shadowed over like he'd seen too much. Witnessed too much. "We...were lucky," he amended.  

And others not so much, her brain finished for him. "People died?"

"Yea." A haunted look crossed his face.  

It made her uncomfortable, so she didn't look at his face. He caught her staring at the rest of his body. "I have a broken arm, but it's healed well. It was in a...cast. But now I have this." He gestured to the sling.  

The door opened. A young woman walked in, shuffling papers and watching Jim. The doctor, Skye suspected. The woman smiled at Jim like they were on friendly terms, familiar with each other. "Ma-

"She's awake," he said, interrupting her.  

The doctor turned to her, shocked to her core. "You're awake," she repeated Jim, almost in disbelief.  

"I am," Skye confirmed, then felt stupid.  

"How long have I been here exactly?" She asked, changing the subject.  

The doctor stood in place, still staring at her, stunned that she was even speaking. Skye had never seen a doctor so thrown by a patient waking up.

"A while," Jim answered. His eyes flickered away.

That scared her.  

He seemed to detect her fear because he reached out and touched her fingers. "It was bad. I thought you were gone."

"You're a fighter," the doctor said. Skye felt that she could trust her. There was a genuineness about her. A face that you'd want to tell anything to.  

"Not literally though. I work with computers for a living," Skye said almost on automatic. The words felt true though. Keyboards and screens. She remembered that. "Right?" She looked to Jim for confirmation.  

There was a long pause. Jim seemed almost mournful for a moment, then he smiled. "Yea. Don't ask me the details though. I don't understand the first thing about those things."  

Both he and the doctor laughed, but it failed to truly reach either of their eyes. They both seemed worn down. There were more lines on Jim's face than she remembered ever being there.  

"I'm feeling...." Skye trailed off, thinking about what to say. Claustrophobic. Locked up. Trapped in a bubble. "Could I maybe take a walk?" She asked the doctor hesitantly. She wasn't really in great shape, but she needed to move.  

When no answer came, her eyes flickered to the doctor. She seemed trapped in some sort of trance, staring down at the papers in her arms.  

"Doctor?"

The woman blinked, coming back from where her mind had been. "Sorry. What did you say?"

"A walk. Do you think I could take one?"

The doctor opened her mouth, denial clearly on her tongue.  

"Please," Skye added quickly. "Please," she begged, meeting the doctors eyes. She seemed like a good person. Human and able to work with a patient.  

The doctor swallowed past a lump in her throat. "That can be arranged for you," she stated quietly.  

It wasn't until she and Jim made it into the hall that Skye realized she never caught the doctor's name. The woman wore no nametag nor white lab coat. But it had been obvious who she was by her caring demeanor. As she'd fiddled with the machines and disconnected the IVs, Skye felt a healing energy around the room. She wanted to ask the doctor where she was from. The accent was British and could hardly be missed, but the doctor had grown skittish towards the end. Like something was deeply upsetting. Jim had stepped in to help her stand from the bed. The doctor had made herself scarce after that.  

The going was slow. She kept her eyes primarily on her feet. One foot in front of the other. She couldn't ever remember having to use crutches before. There had been the time in middle school when she'd fallen over a soccer ball. On the landing there had been a distinct crack from her leg. She didn't dare say anything to her foster parents. All they needed was one excuse to be rid of her. That's how they all were, so she'd walked with a pretty profound limp for a while. And that marked the permanent end of her sports career.  

During her time in the bed, her muscles had grown weak. Her body itself seemed to be in relatively okay shape for a woman who'd had so many injuries. As she lifted the crutches, she wobbled a bit.

"Woah. I've got ya," Jim said with a supportive hand at her back.  

She believed him. She knew it was true down to her core. He would always be there to pick her up. Or not let her fall in the first place.  

It was quiet out here. So much so that her crutches seemed a thousand times louder than they truly were. When she tapped them on the tile, the noise seemed to echo all around them. She had the suspicion that this hospital was really small. There was barely any activity around. No nurses hustling around. No other patients. Maybe she'd seen too many movies. At this point she was kind of desperate just to see different people around. Just when she was about to ask Jim where they even were in terms of a city, she saw actual people.  

They passed a small waiting room. It was an open area filled with chairs and tables. She saw a middle aged-man and woman sitting side-by-side. Clearly a couple by the way they leaned on one another. The man wore a white checkered shirt that was tucked into a pair of khakis. Dark rimmed glasses rested on the tip of his nose. He had a book in hand, halfway finished by the looks of it. The woman wore a light purple sweater and a necklace. Her dark hair was pinned back. Her arm was threaded in the man's. They looked like old sweethearts.  

The woman caught Skye looking. They locked eyes and Skye felt her chest tighten. The woman smiled politely, but it was a facade. Putting on a brave face, Skye thought. There was a deep sadness to her. She clutched at her husband's hand. They both appeared tired and worn down, like they'd received bad news or were waiting on news of a close family member. At least they had each other. She hoped things would work out for them.  

One of her crutches caught on the tile floor. She found that she could no longer lift it. Her breathing had kicked up. Heart beating erratically. Sweat had broken out under her arms. She could scarcely hold onto the rubber grip attached to the crutches. She halted in place, feeling like she couldn't move forward. There was something deeply wrong...but her mind blanked.  

"You okay?" Jim asked from her side, but he sounded far away. So far away.  

The world was spinning fast, intending on hurling her off somewhere that she didn't know. She'd never felt so lost before. Her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to fight it all off. Parents. The word had entered her mind from nowhere and spread out like wildfire. Even though she was an adult she wished she knew who they were. It hardly mattered at the moment. She couldn't understand why this was happening now.  

"Skye, can you hear me?"

Jim. Jim was still here. And just like that everything was okay. When she opened her eyes the world had grown still once more. Normal. Things were normal. He was at her side and he wasn't going anywhere.  

"What just happened?" Jim questioned, clearly distraught.

She didn't want to worry him. She wanted to see him happy. A smile on his face, that was something she could remember. When he chuckled he looked so damn endearing and genuine. So she put on a brave face. "Just out of breath for a sec," she told him, brushing her panic away.  

"Maybe we should go back." His warm hand settled against her shoulders.  

Nothing seemed real in here. Like she might be dreaming. She wanted to see birds flying through the air, feel wind on her cheeks, and hear the sound of traffic. What she didn't want was to keeping breathing stale, recirculated hospital air. "No way I want some fresh air. Just needed a breather is all. I'm good now. Promise," she said, determined to finish this.  

So they continued on.  

Something flew across the floor, bounced off the toe of her shoe, and came to a halt about a foot away. A green dot. It was tiny, not even the size of a penny. The word pebble popped into her mind, but it wasn't right. That was a stupid thing to think. Pebbles weren't lime green. It was a piece of candy. She stepped over it easily.

The proof came a few feet later. A man had a red baggie in his hand. He was busy tossing skittles and catching them in his mouth. And from the looks of him, he was terrible at it. But luck seemed to be on his side, most of the candies had wound up in his lap so he could try again. Best two out of ten, she thought.

There were several candy and chocolate wrappers on the empty next to him. She counted at least three lemon head baggies. Clearly he had a sweet tooth. He upended the Skittle bag into his palm. It was red. He looked about ready to prepare for the next toss, but stopped short. Wondering what the hold up was, her eyes ran up to his face. She was almost taken aback by the way he was staring at her. His eyes were blown wide, like a deer caught in headlights. She'd always heard the expression and had used it herself sometimes, but now she was seeing it in its truest form. If a giant bulky alien popped up and punched him in the face, she didn't think he could look anymore shocked than he did right now.  

The woman next to him seemed to notice his rude behavior, turned and elbowed him in the gut. He flinched, dropping that last Skittle. His head swung towards the woman. "Ow!" He complained, outraged.  

"Pendejo," the woman said.  

The two began bickering back and forth like siblings. Clearly they had a familiarity with each other. Neither one looked at her again.  

Completely thrown by the exchange, Skye's brows furrowed. Both of them were purposefully not looking at her. A terrible thought crossed her mind. Had she been disfigured? A face transplant. Or skin graft. Helicopters could explode and Jim never gave her the details. All the terrible ways someone could be hurt in a crash ran through her mind. "Is something wrong with my face?"

"No," Jim said quickly.  

"Don't lie to me," she warned.  

"I would never lie to you about something like that," he said seriously. "Besides a few gnarly scratches and some bruises your face is perfect."

Perfect. Where did she find a man this nice? She didn't think she'd ever heard someone call her face perfect. Caring. Supportive. Nice. Attractive. She patted her past self on the back for choosing him.  

A large guy, built like Dwayne "the rock" Johnson coming down the hall.  

"Holy God. That guy is big," she murmured.  

He was stacked with muscles, but slim. He had a cardboard carrier in each hand. Both completely full. There were four coffees in each carrier, each of varying sizes. One was even a frappuccino.  

"How many coffees does one guy need?" She whispered, trying not to stare.  

"When you're that big, I guess eight," Jim responded.  

She chuckled. They kept moving and when they passed the coffee man he actually met her eye without reacting like she looked like a leper. He nodded politely as he passed. She smiled and did the same.  

There were pictures all along the walls of different landscapes. She stared at them and wondered where her home was. She had no idea. The only thing she knew was that Jim was in her life. That felt right.  

To fill the silence, she asked, "So what were we doing in Tahiti anyway?"

"Taking a long deserved vacation. Which is what we're going to continue doing until you're all healed," he said.  

A vacation from what? She tried to picture herself living with Jim. Maybe having dinner ready for him just as he set foot in the house after a long days work. She couldn't picture it. She wanted to know what he did for a living. Then she realized that she didn't even know what her own job was. So many questions and not enough answers. She didn't want to hurt him, but she could barely remember anything. The last thing she remembered was the pain. She'd fought so hard to live. Several questions bounced around her head about the accident. She wanted to know more, but thought back to his reaction in her room and decided she could wait. She didn't want to upset him.  

They made it outside without even having to use an elevator. Apparently her room was on the first floor, the only floor. Weird hospital. This must be a really small town or some private place for rich people.  

Jim lead her over to a bench and helped her sit. The black metal had a soothing warmth to it from soaking up all the sunshine. It was a welcomed difference from inside the hospital. The sun felt nice on her arms. Most of her arm was bandaged up, but the skin that she could see was pale. So she held out both arms as best she could, enjoying the heat that soaked into her.  

Jim's hand rested on her thigh, barely there so as not to hurt her. But enough so she could feel his presence. Because of him she felt warm inside too.  

She didn't know how much time had passed, but the next time she opened her eyes a little girl had appeared. Merely a few feet in front of her stood a small girl, no more than five. She had blonde hair that was almost white and was wearing the biggest smile on her face that Skye had ever seen.  

"Hi there, cutie," Skye said, smiling back. The little girl's happiness was infectious.  

She felt Jim sit up straighter.  

"No no no no." A man came over in a rush and completely out of breath. "Over here, sweetie," he said, directing the little girl away.  

He had an accent. Just like that doctor. What were the odds of that? Small odds. Waking up from a coma? Also small odds. Maybe the universe was trying to tell her something. She should go buy a lottery ticket.  

The girl proved to be a stubborn one. She plopped down right in front of their feet, unwilling to budge. The man scooped her up. "I'm so sorry," he apologized to her and Jim, barely sparing them a glance.  

"Don't be," she said, smiling at how sweet the girl was.  

No response came from the man. In a rush of nervous energy, he booked it away from them. Almost as if he couldn't get away fast enough. Like he thought they had some disease. Odd.  

A heartbroken cry echoed.  

Skye looked to their right. The little girl had her arms stretched out, reaching back. Her face was very displeased. That was when Skye saw a small plastic monkey toy discarded on the sidewalk.  

The man seemed to notice too. Grudgingly, he backtracked his steps.  

"What's her name?" Skye called out to him, desperate for conversation or something else she couldn't figure out.  

The man looked at her, startled. "Uh um," he fumbled over his words. He had a young looking face, but the beard and mustache combo mad him more distinguished. Avoiding her eyes, he grabbed the toy, then paused like the ground had suddenly cracked apart and was about to suck him in. After a long pause he finally spoke. "Dandelion....Dandy for short." Without waiting for her response, he spun around and took off like a fire had been lit under his ass.  

Weirdo...

People these days were weird. Not only his reactions, but that name....dandelion. What happened to boring, normal names like.... Melinda or something? "Remind me that when we have kids not to name any daughter we have after a flower," she said to Jim. He stayed quiet and her brain caught up to what she'd said. She shut her eyes in exasperation. Idiot.

"I'm sorry. Was that too soon? I actually have no idea how long we've been dating."  

"Dating," he said as if the word were foreign to him.  

Oh god, he wasn't one of those kind, was he?  Afraid of any commitment. Worry settled in the pit of her stomach. "That's what we're doing, right?" She asked, confused now.  

He leaned towards her, quickly grabbing her hand and meeting her eyes. "Yea....yea...of course...I just....I like calling it....going steady," he said almost nervously.  

That made her laugh. "What are you? Ninety years old?"

He chuckled and there was that happiness from him that she loved to see.  

She turned, searching for the little girl again, but she and her father were long gone. "That was weird, right? That guy. Acting like we were going to steal his kid or something..." She looked at Jim for confirmation that it wasn't just her that thought so.  

He nodded. "It was weird. Maybe he's just paranoid."

"Speaking of weird. In that hospital room, when I first woke up...even before I opened my eyes, I just knew that you would be there. Like I had this sixth sense of you sitting by my bedside or something," she told him.  

"Maybe you heard me talking to you," she said and she could feel the rumbling in his chest as he spoke. "Telling you I needed you to come back to me." He took her hand, threading their fingers together.  

"Maybe." She smiled. It felt good to just sit and not have any commitments. To not have to rush to respond to something. To what? She didn't know, but either way she was going to take advantage of this.  

She stared up at the sky, still lost in thought of the image of him asleep in a chair. In her mind he was wearing blue and he looked damn good.  

"Someone's getting tired," he observed.  

"Sorry. Yea, I think I am." There was a pounding going on in her head that she didn't like.  

"Let's go back in. I don't want you pushing yourself like you always do," he said.

"Okay," she agreed. Anything to make them get back to her bed faster. This whole thing really had tired her out.  

Everything was going to be okay though. She felt safe. She felt at home. Jim was with her.  

//end//