#Pretty much my first ever proper character centric fic

[browngurl99]

Summary:

Maki was questioning her decisions. She acted too fast when things like this crossed her mind, without a second time. She was also scared which she did not like to admit that often. But who could blame her for fearing when she was about to meet one of the most powerful jujutsu sorcerers? That too with nothing but a wooden sword for self-defense.

OR: How Maki met The Gojo Satoru and Became a student at Jujutsu Tokyo High

[apatheticlexicographer]

BYLER FIC REC WEEK 2023 DAY 5: FULL AU recs

breathe (in the air) by clearskiies

mike-centric; no plot. 1970s AU, the party are in their 20s. mike and will’s friend groups meet at a music festival and they spend the whole time attached at the hip. there’s a lot of internalized homophobia angs,tbut mike doesn’t lash out at will over it and their flirting is sweet. elumax are going through their own shit in the background too. multichapter, ongoing

wheeler news by solarhazard

will-centric; some plot. social media fic where mike is a famous musician and will runs a stan twt account for him. his world gets flipped upside down when mike notices him and they start becoming friends. it’s so dumb but so fun. multichapter, hasn't updated in a while but it hasn’t been officially discontinued to my knowledge

Nocturne by lilacline

mike-centric; plot. mike rescues a small brown bat from a weirdly evil plant and nurses it back to health, befriending it in the process. side note: bats aren’t supposed to understand human speech, mike. that’s not normal. that’s not a normal bat you have there, mike. considering it’s tagged as a vampire AU, i’m sure u can see where this is going. mike is a mess (affectionate) and he’s filled with Queer Terror. will has only just appeared as a character (...officially) but he’s already melting all 3 of mike’s braincells. mike is actually the best brother ever to holly and i would die for her. multichapter, ongoing

A New Fight by Tea_For_One_Please, and both of its sequels

alternates between mike-centric and will-centric; plot. a star wars fusion AU where will is a stormtrooper who defects to the rebellion and becomes a member of mike’s crew. el escaped the jedi massacre and teaches him to wield the force. the first fic takes place about a year before episode IV, the second concludes directly before episode IV, and the third is set in the gap between episodes VI and VII. since this is a fusion AU the canon events of the star wars timeline happen as usual, with the party’s story taking place in the background. you could probably read this without having seen star wars, but it wouldn’t make much sense. i was so engrossed that i read all three 30k~ long fics in one sitting. multichapter, all entries complete

with honor, we hound by hiscleric

mike-centric (so far, may have will POV); plot. as of now there’s only been one proper chapter of this, not including the prologue, but i can already tell it’s gonna be sooo good. it’s a fantasy/cleradin AU which is always a win, and the writing is lyrical. will was the youngest prince of the kingdom, who mysteriously vanished one day. mike is a knight and the heir to a noble family, but secretly wished to be a scholar. there’s a prophecy, a quest, and what seems like it’s gonna be a secret identity plot with will. literally what more could you want??? multichapter, ongoing

ground control to major tom (your circuit’s dead, there’s something wrong) by andthentheybow

alternates between mike-centric and will-centric; plot. another star wars AU!!! there’s only one chapter out so far, but it’s the setup for a heist story so i just know it’s gonna slay. this one is set several centuries after episode IX, rather than in tandem with star wars canon. mike is a bounty hunter and will is very… mysterious ;))) i can’t wait to see what comes of it!!! multichapter, ongoing

A Flower That Resembles You by perexcri

will-centric; plot. a byler fantasy AU that’s not cleradin??? gasssp :000 i won’t spoil to much but it’s got childhood friends to strangers to friends to lovers, really pretty depictions of magic, hella quantities of angst and yearning so sweet and tender it makes even my aro heart ache. the mortifying ordeal of allowing yourself to love and be loved… effervescent. multichapter, complete

Ley Lines and Shadows by Aabh

will-centric; plot. fantasy AU! will is a baker who lives in a tiny town. the town was cursed years ago by a now-dead witch. he helps a stray cat after it gets attacked, but as he spends more time around it it becomes clear that it's not a normal animal. the ominous dreams that plague will's sleep only add to the feeling that something is…off. the writing is flowery and fits the fairytale setting nicely. there's a mild sexual content tag on the fic, but i believe that refers to a single paragraph. there's nothing explicit and they're adults. multichapter, complete

another one bites the dust by losingcontrolnow

will-centric; not really plot. high quality zombie apocalypse content!!! i like more hardcore apocalypse stories than the stuff you usually get in s5 speculative fics, so this AU makes me very happy. the contents of the fic itself don't make me happy because, duh, it's a zombie apocalypse AU, but it's soooo good. oneshot, complete

didn't i (blow your mind this time) also by losingcontrolnow

mike-centric; no plot. you know spiderwill, you love spiderwill, but for your humble consideration: spidermike!!! featuring yearning (both), pining (both), oblivious idiots (both), and sudden onset superpowers (just mike). mike is exactly as much of a mess about, well, everything as you would hope and he is so so dear to me. longshot, complete

[maramiri]

OA C1 author's notes

welcome to the new home for these stinky notes. man i can tell i was just so excited to share things with ppl smh.

anyway on with the show

Officially AU from 184, and of course, some events have been shuffled around so I could shoehorn them in (detailed notes at the bottom).

Mostly Tanjirō-centric with some Muzan sprinkled in every so often. Occasional Demon Slayer(s) POV; I’mma be real with you, they can probably be skipped if you don’t give a shit about the DS goons.

First arc’s song: Valky — Any Time

Astral projection: I am a very literal/gullible reader and I accept everything I read at face value, so there might be other people like me, heh. When Muzan talks about tethers, paths, lines, astral projection, etc, he is not literally doing any of that. It’s just visuals to help him (and readers) logic his way around as he uses his telepathy to bad-touch Tanjirō’s brain.

Notes regarding going AU from CH. 184:

Deaths: Nearly everyone should have survived, albeit with varying amounts of serious and non-serious injuries. I just can’t handle the death(s) of major characters ;w; Shinobu does NOT live (I wish I could have her live, ‘cos I hecking love her, but her death was a little too hard to come back from haha. I could think of a few scenarios where she manages to scrape by, but she ultimately doesn’t add anything to the plot so I have chosen to let her death have meaning). Oh, yeah, and Tamayo is officially dead but I mean… she died this chapter.

Sequence of events (in canon): I believe Yushirō’s cat delivering the remaining Tamayo drugs, her explanation of them, and Muzan searching through her cells to find the answer, all happen around CH. 191-ish. Since I couldn’t quite clearly tell if Muzan had drugs 1-3 inside of him already and needed 4, or if he only had 1-2 inside of him and needed 3-4 from the demon cat, I decided to have him be afflicted by all four when he was first initially poisoned, and then he learns everything about them from searching Tamayo’s cells while in the forest. While some side effects do remain from a plot standpoint, I don’t think the nuances of this particular scenario will affect my plot overall. Muzan will still definitely suffer side effects as a result of these poisons, but not to their full extent. [FUTURE HILDA HERE: pretty sure I misremembered and the cat actually injected healy-boopies into the good kids, but it still doesn't matter XD]

[Humanification] Well, he obviously doesn’t become human, and he canonically neutralizes it on his own so that’s out. Added bonus: he now knows how to reverse-reverse engineer what Tamayo did, meaning he could probably humanify anyone he wants? Because that’s something Muzan would do?

[Rapid Ageing] Yep, Muzan is now a 10,000 year old vampire loli daddy. The explanation takes place later after CH184, so therefore he wouldn’t have been 10,000 until that point, but that nuance is too much for my poor brain to figure out. Sure, I could use cues from the time announcements to figure out his proper age but…

[Cannot split apart] Well, he better not get caught like that ever again in the future kek

[Cell destruction at weak points inflicted by Yoriichi] This should still affect Muzan as well, but there isn’t really anyone available with the knowledge to take advantage of this weakness. Yushirō would know and would have told the other Slayers, but Tanjirō wouldn’t know, as this knowledge becomes known in like CH194-ish. Since Muzan knows about the drugs’ effects and/or is more careful, he will likely synthesize a ‘cure’ for the drugs in due time. As of now, his body is simply regenerating the damage. So I suppose he would treat them as permanent handicaps to his ‘energy reservoirs.’ In essence, his battle power has decreased (as he has stated in the manga). For the purpose of the fic, I would say his body has ‘naturally’ fought off the second stage of the drug and is attempting to autonomously decompose the third and then fourth stage. Muzan even considered dedicating his mental capacities to dealing with it, but obviously didn’t because he judged it to not be worth his effort and is fully confident his superior god-like body will take care of it—and if it doesn’t, I mean, he has all the time in the world (again) to deal with it later. Plus, like, he needs a lab and he’s currently shacking up with Tanjirō in a hole he dug up.

THE FOREST AND CAVE: I had to flip back and forth through so many chapters to make sure I wasn’t having a fever dream. (In the manga). There is a scene where Nezuko runs through a field of rice paddies towards the city, and in the distance are some spare forests and mountains. So… [roughly applies artistic license juice into your eyes] for my nefarious purposes, it is now a dense forest with a lot of random caves.

[heffrondriving]

every time i finish a btr fic with jett in it (especially when it's centered in his pov), without fail my neurotic brain immediately launches into the five stages of grief and rapidly cycles over whether i wrote his character badly because maybe it's not quite as faithful to the show as i would like it to be and maybe i'm just writing an entirely different character at this point and oh god this is terrible jett would never even know these things and maybe he's coming off too shallow and abrasive and wow this isn't jett who is this loud idiot and i would never even know since no one and their mom's gonna read this mess etc. etc. then i contact mad Himbo brainworms and do it all over again,

(n e way random jett passionate appreciation and tag discourse down below tbh it's a lot more interesting than me lamenting over my poor writing skillz vvv)

[wangxianficrecs]

Follower Recs

Stories I haven’t read yet, but clearly need to put on my ever-expanding List.

~*~

Welcome back queen [Thank you, it’s so lovely to be back!] if ur still doing follower recs I gotta recommend I would wait for a thousand years by bleuett it’s soooooooo good

[This one was actually recced to me by two different people, the other of whom said, “ Maybe I'm crying a little so I feel like a should recommend ‘I would wait for a thousand years’ by bleuett on ao3.”]... it’s def. on my List!

I would wait for a thousand years

by bleuett (T, 10k, wangxian)

Summary:  During the worst of winter, a traveler comes to stay at Lan Wangji's inn. He wears a red ribbon in his hair.

“Do you see the rabbit?” Wei Ying asks and points at the moon. “That’s the moon rabbit, he helps make Chang’e more immortality elixir. He keeps Chang’e company.”

“I do not wish the rabbit for company,” Lan Wangji says tightly. “You are the one I want by my side.”

“And I’m here, Lan Zhan. If you go to the moon, I’ll follow you, I’ll always be here now.”

~*~

I just read a great fic by aisthuu "every love story is a ghost story", didn't see it in your recs so wanted to recommend it! LWJ is a guqin composer and teacher, buys a cheap guqin off eBay which ends up being attached to WWX's spirit from canon era. It's bittersweet, LWJ deals with Lan's homophobia (implicit in a Lan way) and his feelings towards the ghost. This is author's only ao3 fic and honestly I don't remember how I stumbled upon it, but I'm happy I did and hope you will enjoy it too!  [I’ve recently read this one, and loved it!]

every love story is a ghost story

by aisthuu (M, 59k, wangxian, my bookmark)

Summary:  The man is in Lan Zhan’s bed. Did they—he begins to wonder, eyes trailing to where the man’s body lies under the blanket. Had Lan Zhan—?

Then the sleep-fog clears and Lan Zhan realizes that the young man isn’t quite opaque around the edges.

“You’re a spirit.”

The spirit narrows its eyes. “I’m so much more than that.”

(Lan Zhan buys a guqin off eBay for a suspiciously low price, only to find that it’s haunted. And now there’s a ghost in his bed.)

~*~

Ok so I absolutely have to rec "see you yesterday" by glyphic. It's a wip, but it's currently at 101k so there's a whole lot there, and it's terrible and wonderful and beautiful all at once. The way the backstory of canon events is adapted to the modern-with-cultivation setting is brilliant, and then there's the amnesia, and then there's the time loop. This fic lives permanently rent-free in my brain.

see you yesterday

by glyphic (M, 101k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary:  

Wei Ying 21:09 hey lan zhan what’s the weirdest way youve died

Lan Zhan 21:11 Falling encyclopedias.

Wei Ying 21:12 omg no way that’s so rude turning books against you???

Lan Zhan 21:13 A betrayal I will never forget.

On Halloween night, an exiled demonic cultivator and a Lan disciple get stuck in a time-loop, find each other, and try to figure it all out.

~*~

If you are looking for recs for yourself I absolutely love (the complete!) story Just as the Snow Melts by draechali on AO3. It's a canon divergence where everyone lives, even WWX! ~ @airmidcelt

Just as the Snow Melts

by draechaeli (T, 67k, wangxian)

Summary:  Like a snowy mountain top in spring the residents of the Burial Mounds trickled down the mountain and joined the flow of society.

“I went to the Burial Mounds,” Lan WangJi said.

“Ah, yeah… I’m sorry Lan Zhan,” replied Wei WuXian, “I hadn’t thought anyone would come to visit. I am still not sure how it happened; I brought A-Yuan to Yiling to play by the river and then ended up somehow teaching a bunch of children swimming and writing along with him.”

~*~

Hello! It's come to my attention that you have not as yet read Grandmaster of Meme-onic Cultivation! Please do! It's the only thing that gave me joy during 2020 😆 like proper belly laughs and disney villain style cackling. It is a wip, and it is long but so so worth it!! The author has reworked the entire canon through these message crystals and still conveys complex characters despite the tricky format. It's just so good!! Highly highly recommend it! ❤ ~ @theladypeartree  [Oh!  I’ve been subscribed to this one, and know that @swaglexander-the-great is a reliable provider of Hilarity, so I’m excited for it to be finished!]

Grandmaster of Meme-onic Cultivation 

by Hades_the_Blingking (T, 49k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary:  The Untamed universe is exactly the same, except everybody has magical crystals that have a suspiciously familiar messaging system. The story is pretty much the same as the show, except everyone lives!! (so minor changes).

or in which Wei WuXian tries his darndest to date Lan Zhan, Jiang Cheng possibly has a aneurysm, Jin ZiXuan is still the most awkward human alive, and Xue Yang makes me write some VERY cursed things. Written in chatfic format! :3

~*~

Chomrafy on AO3 deserves love and encouragement; she’s written a body of compact, poetic, and eloquent shortfics each of which can stand alone, but that comprise an intricately cross-referential and mostly internally-consistent universe. They’re grouped as chapters in works according to theme; for example, “in cupped hands” focuses upon Jin Ling and his second-generation baggage; “Departure in Autumn” portrays the last years of WWX’s first life. Follow the tag “Chomrafy’s MDZS shortfics.” [I don’t see this tag?]

in cupped hands

by chomrafy (G, 2k, wangxian)

Summary:  Of secrets, of futures, of love. A Jin Ling-centric collection of 200-word fics.

Ch.1: Jin Ling repays a debt (JL, JC, & WWX). Ch.2: Jin Ling and a ghost in the mirror. (JL & JYL) Ch.3: A matter of friends (JL & the other kids) Ch.4: In this house we don't keep dogs (JC & WWX) Ch.5: In the end, he remains silent (JL & uncles) Ch.6: A first night hunt, of sorts (JL & the other kids) Ch.7: Jin Ling, forgiving, forgetting (JL & LXC & JGY) Ch.8: Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling argue (JL, JC, & WWX) Ch.9: Jin Ling and his father (JL & JC) Ch.10: Jin Ling speaks up (JL, JC, & WWX) Ch.11: Jin Ling and a piece of home (JL, JC, & WWX)

Departure in Autumn

by chomrafy (not rated, 6k)

Summary:  Four perspectives. A steady march to the end.

Ch.1: Because if anything happens to them, Wen Qing would never be able to heal with these hands again. Ch.2: As long as this is still home, Jiang Yanli will wait as long as she needs to. Ch.3: Five times Jiang Cheng reaches for Wei Wuxian, one time he turns away. Ch.4: Whether the road is broad or narrow, bright or dark, they would have to keep walking. Wei Wuxian digs Wen Qing's grave.

~*~

Hello, hope all is going well. I don't have an ask, by I do have a recommendation. I read this fic a while ago and found it again. I just wanted to recommend this for everyone. Let me know what you think please. Thank you. [Oh!  This one’s in my To Read list, but  I’d forgotten about it.  Mmmm, fox!wwx and dragon!lwj.]

Ten miles of Lotus Flowers

by Yukirin_Snow

M, 274k, wangxian

Summary:  He was a mischievous fox spirit, wreaking havoc where he went, about to depart on a journey that would span centuries.

He was a heavenly prince, a proud dragon destined to ascend the throne to become emperor.

Neither expected their paths to collide over the span of three lives.

~*~

I forgot if it was your blog 😥 that recommended “Bestseller” (when Wei Wuxian writes the Xianxia cut-sleeve equivalent of Fifty Shades of Grey, based entirely on his experiences with Lan Wangji, he doesn’t expect it to become the next big hit) (https://archiveofourown.org/works/21528316/chapters/51318766)

But OMG IT WAS HILARIOUS!!! I LOVED IT!! And if it wasn’t your blog, I’m so sorry for how weird this sounds 😭😭😭😭 I just loved this fic so much that I have to tell it to someone 😢 [It’s on my List, but I haven’t read it yet!]

Bestseller

by pupeez4eva

M, 8k, wangxian

Summary:  He had written the book to prove a point. It was never supposed to be a big thing, and he certainly never intended for everyone — Jiang Cheng, Zewu-Jun, the Juniors, literally everyone— to be reading about his sex life.

Oh God, he definitely needed to make sure Lan Zhan didn’t find out about this.

(Or, when Wei Wuxian writes the Xianxia cut-sleeve equivalent of Fifty Shades of Grey, based entirely on his experiences with Lan Wangji, he doesn’t expect it to become the next big hit).

~*~

I’d like to rec On Your Marks, Get Set, Bake! by @blackwiresgrowonherhead

It’s one of my absolute favorites and I laughed out loud so many times when reading it

on your marks, get set, bake!

by BlackWiresOnHerHead

G, 41k, wei wuxian & juniors

Summary:  Jin Ling resumes thumping on the door to room 721, and the small collection of freshmen starts chanting “Senior Wei! Senior Wei! Senior Wei!” with increasing volume until finally Wei Wuxian opens the door.

“Yes?” he says with his widest, most innocent eyes.

“Senior Wei!” demands Lan Jingyi, shoving himself to the front of the group. “Why didn’t you tell us you’re a contestant on this year’s season of The Great Gusu Bake Off?!?”

--

Several months ago, college student Wei Wuxian secretly competed in the most popular reality show in the country. The show starts airing in the fall. The freshmen in his dorm collectively lose their minds.

~*~

If you're in the mood for v. short ridiculous fun fic, may I suggest My chain hits my chest/When I'm bangin' on the radio by x_los It's 2k modern cultivators AU, featuring WWX calling LWJ's sword Bitchin' [omg I’m laughing so hard] and I think it's more fun going in blind?

My chain hits my chest/When I'm bangin' on the radio

by x_los

T, 2k, wangxian

Summary:  Lan Wangji finds he doesn't even need to call for help for Wei Wuxian to come running.

[shadowhannibad]

TIRED

I’ll start by saying that I hate that I’m doing this. I did not want to give these people more of my time and attention, but alas, there’s only so much public bashing and vagueblogging a person can take. The infamous lazaefair has composed a list containing the ao3 ID user numbers of twelve people, made up of writers and artists, to be blocked “due to recent events”.  

I’m in the list. My ID user number is 8779004: ClaritaWinter. Now that you know this, does it make it easier for you to block me? “Oh, of course that racist cunt is there! Block on sight!” or does it make it a little harder? “Oh, I’ve read a few of her works and I enjoyed, damn, what should I do now?”

Regardless of your answer, this situation is disgusting. The list is being seen by some as just a helpful way for people who want to curate their fandom experience, but since you can’t actively search the people on that list, you will have no idea who’s content you are “protecting” yourself from. Some of the people in that list have never written porn. Some of them have never drawn porn or anything remotely close to it so far. Others have written 20k+ fics solely focused on Joe that will be immediately dismissed for the simple, small and (what should be) irrelevent detail that Joe topped in it or it was written by an author who commonly writes topJoe (yes, the trend of using top/bottom as “the rule of the thumb” to assess how racist is a a fic continues). 

What I’m gonna say here is pretty much obvious but... do not outsource your opinions. You can check those people and decide that yes, the content they create is not for you and this case, by all means, block them, make your experience online better. But don’t do something just because someone told you to, not without proper context, especially when that person has proven time and time again how malicious her intents are. Lazaefair is not an authority on fandom racism. She does not get to decide or to tell you which works are racist and what aren’t. Or which ones are intentionally harmful or unintentionally fall under racist stereotypes. She does not get to sanction how a person should write Joe based on her whims, morals, her personal experience that isn’t of a MENA gay man. 

Every talk about representation and racism in this fandom always gets warped back into the top/bottom narrative to the point, and that weakens their own argument. Joe-centric fics now are only bottom Joe fics, then? TopJoe isn’t racist in itself, as they keep saying, but if you’re looking for racist trends in fics, well, then the topJoe tag is where you should begin. Are you serious? And you still don’t want people to perceive this as a top/bottom discourse? Or as policing? Every action that they take contradicts their own words. 

I’m only naming lazaefair here because she was the one who made the blocklist (and other redundant, pathetic list as well), but I know there are plenty of other vocal perpetrators that have backed her up since… July 2020. That’s right, since July. I’m not going to name them in this post because they haven't attacked me directly as she has done it, so cowardly, twice.

I started writing fanfiction in January, 2021. TOG is literally the first fandom I have ever written for. English is my second language, I’m not a professional writer and my fics are usually short, around 3k.  All of my fics have been TopJoe. All of them, without exception. I’m not ashamed of that, and I am aware this puts a target on my back in this fandom, but I ask you, do your own research, go through my fucking ao3 first and see for yourself. If you still think my content isn’t for you, at least it’s your choice.

If I hadn’t been so used to the general mess that this fandom is, this could’ve broken me. I’m still very, very insecure about my writing and I’m always surprised that people take their time to read what I write at all. In case people think that the members on that list shouldn’t be offended, here’s what this list is pretty much saying: These authors and artists are racists because they write/support top!Joe content. They’re dangerous. Protect yourselves.

How in the fuck am I not supposed to take this personally and not be pissed off? Tell me, how? 

I’m not saying I might not have reproduced racist stereotypes in my writing. I am a human being living in a racist, cisheteronormative, capitalistic society, so yes that’s a possibility. Even though I always try to be mindful about giving Joe dimensionality and not to make his sole character revolve around Nicky (of course, some of my fics are just porn and neither one of them have much in terms of dimensionality so, well). But do I deserve to have my user put in a list that is telling others that my porn is a danger to society? 

It’s also very interesting that this is blowing up right in the middle of a fun event that the TopJoe server is running and decided, for the first time, to open it to the general public.

If you have made up your mind about me based on other people’s opinions, I literally don’t have anything else to say to you. If you don’t,  I will just ask you this: Don’t outsource your critical thinking. Don’t go after someone without knowing their side just because SJW #3 said you should.  Do your research. 

But you don’t get to tell me how I should feel about that list. It’s not your ID in it. It’s not you that have had your views and words turned into something ugly by someone whose sole purpose seems to be to drive every person with a topJoe preference out of this fandom. It’s not your friends having anxiety attacks right now. You do not get to do that. 

Last but not fucking least, if you are a “mary-go-with-others” (as we say here in Brazil) then yeah, fucking block me, I don’t want weak-minded people around me.

[i-did]

Ok ok this may be a dumb question but we'll see, what are your thoughts on bdsm + andreil? The vast vast majority of these types of fics have Andrew as the dom (and I get why) BUT theres 1 dom Neil fic and I'm like 99% sure I think I saw u comment on it so I'm assuming ur reading it and enjoying it too. And tbh, I find it much better than pretty much all the dom Andrew stuff, I hadnt realised the potential dom Neil could have until I read it. But anyway, I wanted ur thoughts? 🤲 (this is so badly phrased I apologise)

Lmfaooo being perceived is so weird. I hope I didn't say anything because I remember commenting on that fic and thinking about commenting something about my personal sex life, but I don't remember if I did lmfaooo. Omg okay, all that aside–time to now respond to this seriously.

Okay regarding that specific fic, yeah I read a lot of AFTG fics of all types, I haven't read something NSFW in a while, but when I saw the ‘Dom!Neil’ tag I decided to give it a shot. It’s interesting seeing how other authors go about their ideas and just enjoying their story. It doesn’t align with my personal ideas of everything obviously, but those are my personal HC and that fic is that authors personal HC. I like that they’re exploring something that this fandom doesn’t see explored a lot and is just a fun read, lol. Honestly I give up on most BDSM fandom fics because the depiction of Neil makes me uncomfortable ...almost always. I agree a lot more with this fics concept of how they would explore power vs control in a BDSM sexual sense, than most Dom!Andrew Sub!Neil fics– which I have long ago stopped trying to read.

Okay here are my personal ideas about Andrew and Neil, and how they would explore sex.

Many NSFW HC below the cut:

I personally don’t think canon Andrew and Neil would go into BDSM culture or ascribe to either roll strictly. I feel they wouldn’t like established dynamics like that and would get turned off by that aspect, especially since Andrew both craves control of situations but fears ‘being like them’ and a lot of Dom play is about power dynamics that he wouldn't be comfortable with. Andrew sees power in sex as different as control during sex. He needs a controlled environment, and be in control of the other by having them listen to his boundaries, but he can’t feel he’s overpowering the other person. I don’t think he could do a lot of strictly Sub things either for similar reasons, he would feel like he's giving up control of the situation in a way that could make him very uncomfortable.

Neil on the other hand is also often portrayed as a very textbook sub, but I don't think he is. I see him written as a brat a lot, but personally I don’t see him doing that since a lot of what playing with a brat is, is giving them what they want and denying them what they want and them ‘defying you’ and stuff. It's like a form of playful miscommunication I don't see Andrew or Neil ever actually doing. Obviously all healthy and proper play is outlined and discussed beforehand, but I see Andrew and Neil as needing the actions themselves to be clear and cut and dry.

Neil also gets off on Andrews pleasure, Andrew is the same about Neil, they're almost like a feedback loop of “the other enjoying themselves is inherently hot.” to me, Neil getting off on other people (Andrew) getting off is a very Dom like quality. In turn, Andrew is very turned on by pleasuring Neil, but from the point of his knees, which is almost sub like, he is turned on by sucking someone else off and seeing how into it they are. Either way, I think they both wouldn’t be into hardcore BDSM or BDSM culture but also aren’t vanilla. I don’t see either of them going to leather clubs instead of Edens and going to Folsom Fair and joining BDSM social groups and stuff.

I also don’t think either would ever use titles for the other, I think they don’t call each other by their names often on a day-to-day basis, since usually the people were talking to already know their name, and we don’t need to use it for clarification. I do think–just like in canon with emotionally charged moments–names will be used with more emphasis, especially Abram which is not used frequently.

Side note about my Jewish Neil HC: Judaism rocks because sex isn’t shamed, but rather considered a blessing and a holy act. In fact, it’s a good thing to have sex on Shabbat, G-d is actively like ‘fuck yeah you little humans, enjoy life’s pleasures and each other's company’ sex was designed to feel good and a way to connect. Shabbat is all about human connection with those important to us, and a day of rest away from work, so sex on Shabbat is actually actively a good thing. I don’t think Neil is ever religiously Jewish, but Andrew making a joke about this once would be peak to me. Which also fits Abram, a very Jewish name I HC to be not just Neil’s middle name but his Jewish name, and is used in said holy context of sex.

I think like a lot of healthy adults who are sexually active, they will explore and will be more adventurous to try new and other things, especially when dealing with issues like waning to get off but having touch aversion and issues like that. I have a lot of sex life HC about them actually, ways they navigate erectile dysfunction, mental health, and what they like in a safe environment. They trust each other, and I like imagining different ways aspects of their relationship would change or evolve in my head in all different types of ways, including sexual. I also enjoy giving them kinks and inclinations I specifically don’t have, because it’s like me exploring the concept of why someone else might like something even though I personally don’t. I’m not imagining things that make me uncomfortable necessarily, just things I'm neutral on or don’t see the appeal of, but know why they appeal to others and try to imagine what these characters might think.

I feel canon Andrew and Neil explore sex and dynamics that make them comfortable, I have HC about Andrew possibly exploring pup play and wearing a collar for Neil partially as a “joke” in the beginning, but discovering they really like it. I also HC Neil is really into athletic stuff sexually, he thinks Andrew half dressed with his padding still on and a jock strap is just peak sex appeal. I also think Neil is very sensory, and makes associations with smells and senses easily, so he develops a sweat kink, which leads into his armpit kink. Neil isn't turned on by ‘the bad smell of sweat’ but rather the fact that when Andrew is sweaty he smells like Andrew a lot, rather than after a shower he smells more like soap, and he can’t smell Andrew as much. Andrew on the other hand prefers cleaner sex. He’s not triggered by dirty sex though– he used to suck guys off at an alt dance club and is used to the smell of sweaty balls, it's just not an active turn on. Neil has ‘nothing is hotter than Andrew wearing running shoes and socks, and only running shoes and socks’ energy to me too. I think Andrew feels good about himself in leather, but isn't going to be a leather daddy and wear the leather assless chaps and the cap, he will wear the leather harness that every gay wears to pride, but he wears it just for Neil. Also, Neil loves Andrews pecs, Neil’s kinda a boob guy, but for Andrew’s pecs specifically.

I personally think Andrew and Neil typically don’t have penetrative sex. They do it sometimes–and when Andrew is ready he will bottom more as a way to prove something to himself than anything–but it’s not their preferred way or their ‘go to’. When they finally do, they don’t see it as ‘finally having sex for the first time’, since all the sex they've been having is real sex, even if its oral, hand jobs, etc. I don’t think Neil is naturally inclined to bottoming, and since even the visual of topping can make Andrew uncomfortable, they enjoy sex in any other ways, thigh fucking, docking, Andrew fucking Neil’s ass cheeks, sucking each other off, mutual masturbation, frottage, etc. and it leads to stronger orgasms when they don’t have to hope ever second will be a cliff edge and turn into a panic attack. Safer waters are simply more comfortable for them to swim in, and they deem all sex as equal in ‘value.’ that being said, Andrew likes his ass being ate, as long as its just Neil’s tongue, while Neil is neutral on his ass being ate, but loves doing it to Andrew.

I also think they would explore toys, but not in the way they're often explored in fics, which is very vibrator and dildo centric. I think they would use jacking off toys, the disposable egg kind or some more long term ones, maybe even something they could use at the same time. I don’t see them ever actually using handcuffs or restraints really either. Andrew would see Neil tied up as an equivalent statement of ‘I don't trust you not to touch me’ when he wants to actively progress past that, and shows he trusts Neil by not holding his arms back or letting him touch him. Andrew had to hold down previous partners, but Neil is different, Neil listens. This isn’t my personal opinion about restraint, but it is what I think Andrew would think.

I have no idea if this is what you meant by ‘my thoughts’ but here they are. *puts something in your open palms,* idk what emoji that would be

[coralsweep]

fic rec list nobody asked for 1/5

I applied a bunch of filters on my bookmarks on AO3 and picked some out. There’s a few different fandoms on here, and the next fic rec lists will have different fandoms as well, because I’ve read for so many lol. I haven’t included all the tags or anything, though, so please read those and take care :)

BNHA

putting in the hard work now by pvwork - 500 words, Midoriya Body Horror

Your body is at once a prison and a spaceship. It'll take you far, but you can't ever leave.

of weight by Anonymous - 300 words, Midoriya-centric

You think about giving up, sometimes.

always by valdera - 1.1k, Bakugo & Midoriya

Destiny is a piece of shit, Bakugou reminds himself, and so is Deku. Neither of those will get the better of him.

(a study on bakugou katsuki, destiny, deku, and everything that connects the three)

Little Matron by mochacreams - 1k, Momo Character Study

Momo remembers the first time she tried making a matryoshka doll. She remembers the chipping paint and oblong body shape and cracked bottoms. She laughs, looking back, at the ones she’d created without faces and the others that had no heads at all. Practice makes perfect.

Show & Tell by babbeige - 700 words, Hawks Character Study

he's the toy being shown and told, undesirable parts of him hidden and hushed, because the audience wasn't there for his dirty secrets and sad truths. they're there for the golden, the heavy cast of liquid perfection covering his sunspots, jagged scars and sinking into his wounds. bleeding into his blood stream, and turning him golden and pretty inside out.

hes good at following orders, at playing the golden boy trapped in his perfect golden cage. the golden boy craving freedom and needing someone to break open his prison.

but the reality is, the cage door is wide open, gold bars spread far enough for him to slip out, and yet he's staying in his cage like a stupidly loyal pet.

my god, i’m so lonely by Kaleid369 - 2.5k, Hagakure Character Study 

Tōru is four years old when her Quirk first manifests. It happens slowly, gradually, and she doesn’t notice until it’s too late.

It starts with her hands.

Hagakure Tōru grows up far too fast.

Graves of the Firefly by Yomi_is_tired - 190 words, poetry

hope has died to-day.

raise your hand to catch the sunlight (clench your fist around the dark) by livtontea - 1.9k, poetry on various characters

A collection of my bnha poems because,, i got back into it lmao

the cities like shimmering novas by Heronfem - 1.9k, Hawks & Amajiki 

Suneater and Hawks have an unexpected discussion overlooking Doutonbori canal, making Tamaki reflect on just what kind of hero he wants to be.

like stars into existence by shantealeaves - 4.2k, Momo & Mei

“Is she good?”

Tenya stared at her for a moment. “She’s the best,” he finally said—and it was clear his silence came not from second-guessing the recommendation, but from not understanding how she could ever doubt it.

Pro Heroes Yaoyorozu Momo and Hatsume Mei form an unexpected partnership. Written for the Big Damn Heroes Zine.

Noragami

apotheosis by celestial_nova - 860 words, Hiyori-centric

when zeus gazed upon semele, she burst into flames; for what more is a human, in the face of a god, than predestined ash?

The Half-Life of Recovery by rabbitprint - 7.3k, Takemikazuchi & Kiun

Spoilers for vol. 17, Takemikazuchi backstory. Pre-series.

Even though Takemikazuchi's surviving shinki have not been memorialized by gravestones, they are just as much his victims -- and neither side can forget.

what is reflected by ali_summerset - 1.2k, Kazuma Character Study

"He doesn’t know what to make of Iki Hiyori at first."

Kazuma contemplates his similarities with the half-ayakashi human girl.

oh nostalgia, i don't need you anymore by swanfrost - 5k, Yato Character Study

yato’s shinki always have the tragic habit of quitting on him. and like a coward, he lets them go.

“that’s just proper etiquette,” kofuku says, nodding in approval at yato’s apparent respectability. but every time yato has to face a slobbering ayakashi empty handed, every time he instinctively reaches to call for a name he doesn’t have the right to say anymore —

yato wonders how long it will take for him to become forgotten.

yato, yukine, and the question: what is the duty a god has to his shinki?

DRRR!!

Cuardaigh by odette (thimble) - 700 words, Graphic Depictions of Violence. 

You know that the sky is blue, the grass is green, and blood is as red as you are a Dullahan. You ride on a steed blacker than night, your purpose is hidden, somewhere, in your immortal bones, and for the first time you fear everything and revere nothing.

Your name is Celty Sturluson.

But that is all you know.

[b-rainlet]

📓📓📓📓

- the-scarecrxw

(Since you sent 4 of those emojis I'm gonna go off but I'll stick to one in this answer and make seperate posts for the others aksnsns)

I can't give you anything Jonathan centric (that isn't Tommy/Jonathan, one of my fave rarepairs) but Jerome features in lots of my AUs.

This one is one of my faves that's entirely self-indulgent and if it ever gets written it's probably gonna be the longest fic I ever published (Again: If it ever gets written):

I gotta apologize in advance, it's just a fun little AU I haven't put too much thoughts into in terms of plotting so this is gonna be A. Long, B. Messy and C. A little chaotic

- First off, you gotta understand that @nsfwitchy2 Me had some fun with a pretty nonsensical and definitely not canon-compliant AU where Jerome and Jeremiah have three Mums (Tabby, Lee and Barbara, who all date) and live with them and Barbara Lee as their little sister.

- Ecco also lives with them, she sees herself as both the twins' gf more than a genuine part of the family tho (for now)

- (Meanwhile at Wayne Manor Alfred and Jim date and are very tired parents of Bruce and his clone 514A, in this AU - and pretty much every AU - nicknamed Brook)

- (Selina kinda goes back and forth between living at Wayne Manor or at Lee's place)

- Also, everyone dates. The twins. The clones. Eccomiah, Jecco, Batcat, Valeyne, Wayleska, they're all fucking

- Which isn't THAT important for this particular AU but I figured I'd give a warning xD

- This is mostly my attempt to give Tabitha some more backstory? Just...how I personally see her character and how I could see her end up if things would've went differently after S2

- The google docs file is called 'How Tabitha started being a Mum while disregarding canon completely' lmao

- Like her current life involves having 4 kids (if you count Selina) and two wives and that's a hell of an AU and I just like to overthink things and play with the way things would have needed to have gone in canon to have her 'end up' like this

- Also I can see her struggling with having a family all if a sudden (that isn't a manipulative brother or a weird cult)

-Especially if that involves Motherhood

- So on one hand it's a 'S2 until now' fic, explaining what happened to her in my canon

- But also - mostly because I find that easier to organize in my brain - it's interwoven with a 5+1-esque fic of all her children calling her 'Mum' (and her getting emotional over that)

- So it switches back and forth between the past and the present but for rambling's sake, I'll start with the past

- She still leaves Theo behind and flees with Silver but she keeps Silver close instead of immediately sending her away

- And her and Silver get taken in by Fish after they leave Theo because they have nowhere to go and Fish loves taking care of strays

- (Fish, who probably didn't end up in Indian Hill but rather lives in hiding until she is ready to strike against Penguin)

- She refers to herself as Liza's Mother in canon, you can't tell me she wouldn't instantly adopt Tabby and call her 'Honey' and give her motherly advice while Tabby tries to be all bite but actually enjoys somebody taking care of her for once

- Selina🤝Tabby

'Trying so very hard all the time to not show how soft and insecure they are'

- Actually, I'd start diverting from Canon even sooner aksnsjd

- Well not full on changing canon, but I'd...pepper in some stuff

- Like some scenes of her back with Theo and the Maniax

- Mostly her talking to Theo about Jerome's planned murder, which, yeah, she knows it's been set in stone from the beginning but that doesn't mean that she isn't talking about alternatives where he doesn't get killed off

- And Theo's like "Don't tell me you're going soft. No one will miss him. He was just a boy. Not worthy enough to be remembered."

- And later on she betrays him and goes 'I remember him'

- Anyway, they stay with Fish for a while but Tabby doesn't wanna keep Silver in Gotham

- So she sends her back to the school she went to before coming to Gotham with Theo (but makes sure their weird cult can't get their hands on her there)

- And Silver wants her to come with but Tabby says she has some unfinished business

- Aka she just doesn't wanna leave Barbara (who is in a coma atm, if Memory serves right)

- And Tabby's reasoning is that it's not safe in Gotham but really, she thinks she can't be responsible for another person

- "She needs a mother. A Family. I can't give her that." - "You are her family."

- So Silver's out of the picture and Tabby hangs with Fish until Barbara wakes up and they get together again (and never ever seperate)

- Also there's no Butch/Tabby because that was unnecessary as fuck

- And I gotta be honest, I haven't thought more about canon because Butch/Tabby alone makes my head hurt already but somehow they start dating Lee

- Who brings Jerome into the relationship because I sure am fond of Lee being Jerome's Mother (like as in, I have several wips with that concept alone not counting this one)

- Jerome probably came back to life after S3 and Lee fought to have him not be treated like a violent criminal but rather a child who was taken advantage of and after his release from Arkham (where she visited him and made sure he got some proper treatment) it seemed natural to have him live with her

- (But also he's still a criminal aksnsjs, you can see how much I thought about this)

- (Sue me for sticking to the heartfelt scenes and avoiding the mess that is plotting)

- Tabby and Barbara already had Selina and through Jerome, Jeremiah and Ecco were added et voila! Their Family is complete

- (Why exactly Barbara Lee exists if Tabby and Barbara have been non-stop dating since S2 I can't tell you, I simply think she is neat and I like the idea of big brother Jerome)

- (This AU? Self-indulgent? Why would you ever think that?)

- In the present however she is dealing with what is mostly referred to as 'feelings'

- Mostly panic at realizing that the bunch of weird children she's been living with are seeing her as some kind of parental figure

- Because suddenly they all call her 'Mum'

- Unsurprisingly the first one to call her Mum is Jerome at breakfast

- She's reading the newspaper and there's an article about a hostage situation the twins planned and he goes 'Mum, are you done with that? Can we see?'

- And they snatch it from her and argue about how they didn't even make the front page while Tabby nearly chokes on her coffee

- And of course she breaks down talks to her wives about it later while they get ready for bed because no one ever called her 'Mum' before

- Barbara's braiding her hair, while Lee's off to the side, getting ready for bed and it's very domestic and I am very gay

- But neither see it as a big deal because both of them have been called Mum before (by Jerome at least. Like. Immediately upon meeting them)

- So she's trying to be nonchalant about it because it's only a big deal if she makes it one

- While also not being able to deny the warm feeling that spreads throughout her body when Jerome keeps calling her 'Mum'

- Miah and Selina on the other hand are both hesitant to call anyone Mum

- Miah cause of Pride, Selina cause of her Mummy Issues

- But they both do at some point

- I think I have more notes on this SOMEWHERE but I kinda wanna have Miah call her Mum while he's ill (because we all know he'd be super fussy and want attention 24/7)

- So she humours him and while he's close to falling asleep - and she's totally not carding her fingers through his hair because she isn't soft or anything - he mumbles: "Thank you Mum" and she melts

- Selina would be more angsty

- Like, maybe it's her birthday and she disappears for a while (as she tends to do) but Tabby (who's closest to her) knows how hard this day is for her (since again her Mum isn't there with here and looks for her and brings her back home but doesn't make a big fuss out of her birthday

- Just...lets her be, gives her space but also lets her curl up close to her and maybe Selina doesn't call her Mum on that exact day

- But it's the day she realizes she wouldn't mind calling Tabitha her Mother, so she hesitantly tries it out a while later (maybe days, maybe weeks, however long it takes for her to feel comfortable with it) and they share a smile

- Then there's Barbara Lee, but she barely counts because she's a toddler and calls everyone 'Mummy'

- Even her father ajsnsnsn

- The last one would be Ecco because I have a very soft spot for Tabby and Ecco being close

- Ecco's rather formal with them for the longest time (she calls Barbara, Lee and Tabby 'Ma'am' for the most part because she may like them, but she doesn't think they see her as family. She's just the token girlfriend).

- So there's a scene where they connect, possibly over Tabby's hand and Ecco's head since I hc that Ecco gets headaches and migraines a lot (considering that she still gets shot in the head by Miah, like I said, this AU isn't necessarily the most bullet proof in terms of linear timelines)

- But so is Gotham so-

- So there's possibly a scene where Ecco's headache is getting super bad and no one's around (especially not Miah to dote on her) and Tabby awkwardly tries to bond by telling her about her hand and how she can't feel much (is a little clumsy with it) and Ecco immediately imprints on her like a duckling

- Maybe it's even the first time anyone reached out to Ecco in a way that feels genuine, especially without the twins or any of her (various) other partners being present so now she's willing to die for Tabby

- Which ends in her also calling her 'Mum' (while she keeps calling Lee and Barbara 'Ma'am' and Lee's so mad ajsnsjdj she was trying so hard to bond with this kid but couldn't quite get it right and you're telling her her socially pretty clumsy - but still wonderful of course - wife managed with just one conversation?? Slander

- And of course because I can't stop myself, there would be even more tidbits here and there of Tabby overcoming her previous way of living (as in, thinking caring or showing emotions is weakness) by having her reminisce a LOT about Theo

- For example by having Jerome climb into bed with her while Barbara's sleeping and Tabby is waiting for Lee to come home

- Lee works as a doc in the narrows which may be a little illegal, but the people didn't just stop needing help after her Queen of the Narrows arc was over, so I vote she keeps at it (and is held in very high regard for it by pretty much everyone)

- Tabby always stays up until everyone is home because she likes knowing where everyone is and that they're safe while Jerome has frequent nightmares and wanders around the house, so this isn't a rare occurrence

- And sometimes, they talk Theo

- "You miss him?" - "Don't know."

- "I wish he was still alive so I could kill him." - "....Me too." - "Which one?" - "...Both."

- (ajajsbssj this is all just copy pasted and cleaned up a lil', leave me and my pretentious way of writing dialogue alone)

- Tabby also has a lot of interludes where she thinks about what growing up with Theo was like/her childhood in general

- How she always protected him from other children bullying him and how they swore to have each other's back but how in hindsight, she was the one doing all the dirty work for him, helping him fulfill his dream and enact his revenge

- Realizing that he probably never cared for her, not like she cared for him

- There's also allusions to them having sex because you cannot tell me they did NOT have sex

- And it ends with Tabby realizing that she is quite happy with how she ended up, even if it's neither how she thought she would ever live nor what her old self would've even wanted, possibly seeing too many attachments as 'weak' judging by the way she canonly used Butch for convenience sake at first

- And yeah, maybe now she can provide the family - the Mother - somebody else desperately needs

- So she brings Silver home

[maybankiara]

i’m working through WWOH and i am realising that this fic has the potential to become the fic with the highest word count in the jiara tag on ao3. i love my most intense effort going into a niche fic <33 anyway bit of writing chat below the cut if anyone’s interested (and slight spoilers for WWOH)

when i started this trainwreck i had maybe 5, max 10 chapters in mind. seriously. now i’ve got three parts and eleven chapters planned out. part one’s first seven, part two is about the next five/six/seven, haven’t come that far. and there’s the entirety of part three, which will probably be the longest part. so we’re talking about a definite 20 chapters, at least. and bear in mind that each of the chapters will probably be around 10k, since i’m basing the chapters off thematic purposes and not length. each chapter has about a handful of scenes which rarely run below 2k words each. 

this is going to be a monster. the whole subplot of jj’s unresolved (and unexplainable) issues with pope, the enemies to friends to lovers thing jj and kie are going through, it was all supposed to be there but not... like that. it was supposed to be shorter. more concise. more dynamic. 

but lo and behold, i realised i can’t write jj making peace with his past without making him deal with his dad, and then this introduced an entire new subplot that takes over the majority of part two, and is crucial in jj’s character development. there’s also the growth of jj and kie, jj’s kickboxing career and a little bit of other things sprinkled in that are actual spoilers. 

and to top it all off, there’s the jiara romance, which may just be the biggest fucking slow burn anyone’s ever written. like, these idiots are proper fucking idiots. but we need that character development <3 everybody has character development. and kie and pope really feature prominently in part three, because guess what?? 

john b is also dead. and jj hasn’t gotten over it. so in order to live long and prosper, he needs to, which complicates things even more and brings in another subplot. 

(to be fair - most of these subplots are a part of the main plot since the actual main plot is kind of just these subplots. it’s a bit complicated. and i’m not that good at explaining.)

okay yes i did this to myself by setting up the premise that i did, yay congrats dea ily <3 literally there was no way to make jj ditch obx and kie and pope and then have kie come back ten years later and not have a shitload of issues to resolve. like. what was i thinking? i am a character-driven writer. my stories are driven by character development. plot is driven by the characters.

like there is literally no reason why i should’ve thought this wouldn’t be a terribly long fic. if it was to be written well (not saying it is written exceptionally well or anything just that if it wasn’t going to be utter shite) then jj’s character had to be entirely explored. this dude is traumatised and i somehow made him even more traumatised without really realising. i swear this is because i took up a course on trauma and we’re reading all the possible articles on representation of trauma in fiction and i just keep seeing how much it applies to jj and i just. well. consider me painfully trying to emulate everything that jj deserves, aka actual resolving of his trauma in a healthy manner and a manner that actually addresses the trauma, instead of glossing over it like obx actually did. catch me being bitter about that nearly a year later.

this started off as a jiara centric fic that somehow turned into a slow burn jiara fic that is basically all about jj because guess what, i didn’t even properly think about kie’s plot in this. she just kind of exists to help jj. which i absolutely hate. and only realised while i was writing this, so i guess it’s a good thing i did this, and now i have to go back and redo pretty much absolutely everything. 

(actually, it kind of fits for kie’s story to unravel in part three. okay. all’s not lost, but i was about to riot for a second there.)

anyway. wwoh is a mess but it’s my loving mess and i’ll try my damnest to finish it. it’s literally so self-indulgent and i’m writing it because i love the plot and the amount of angst i’ve created because i love to torture myself and anyone willing to read my work <3

p.s. if i ever actually finish that fic, i will probably have a mental breakdown. i’ll probably start and finish and publish my actual novel before i finish this. dear wwoh, here’s to likely years to come, may we be kind to each other <3

[stardatextoday]

Fic Writer Review

Thank you to the brilliant and wonderful @curator-on-ao3​ for the idea/post! I’m only going to use Ao3 stats, because my fic on ffnet is bad and I don’t really want to post about it lol. 

how many works do you have on AO3?

41, though most of them are ficlets for older fandoms that I don’t write for anymore. 

what’s your total AO3 word count?

400,868

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

11. They are: Rizzoli and Isles, Star Trek: Voyager/Picard/TNG, Greys Anatomy, Resident Evil, American Horror Story, The X Files, The Fall, Sailor Moon, and Xena. 

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Pet and the Pendulum - Lady Dimitrescu x Reader deep-dive into Alcina’s lore and a lot of talk about psychology. 

Teach Me Tonight? - Lady Dimitrescu x Original Female Character. Alcina shows Rhiannon how to begin the steps to loving herself and helps her see sexual intimacy in a new, healthier way.

You Are My Sunshine - Seven of Nine/Janeway - a Seven-centric history of what happened from the time Voyager landed until Picard-era. 

Laudato Si Ad Astra - Sequel to The Pet and the Pendulum

Extrasensory Perception - Cordelia/Misty Day. a Foxxay-centric rewrite of AHS: Coven

do you respond to comments, why or why not? I absolutely do! I love comments, no matter how long/short they are!

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Blue Skies, probably. When I started writing it, I tasked myself to mention as many relevant Star Trek pairings that I could. The kicker, however, was that none of them could be endgame. No one ends up together (except for the pre-established couples). So, while the fic features Janeway, Seven, Raffi, and Chakotay - none of them end up happy together. 

do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I wrote Rizzles/MSR that was fun. I abadoned the story at a shitty point but at that time both fandoms stressed me out so I quit it.  I’m currently writing a Lady Dimitrescu/Scully fic and I’m excited for that. 

have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not really. I’ve had some constructive criticism on them, but overall they’ve been pretty well-received. 

do you write smut? if so what kind?

Just recently. I wrote some dark-themed sex into The Pet and the Pendulum. My favorite so far is all the tender exploratory smut I wrote into Teach Me Tonight? though. That fic is so dear to my heart. 

have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope!

have you ever had a fic translated?

I don’t think so? I kind of fly under the radar with fanfiction. hahahaha. 

have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope. I’m open to it though. 

what’s your all time favorite ship?

It rotates on the daily. 

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have a WIP that combines Midsommar and Castle Dimitrescu that is kinda stagnant. 

what are your writing strengths?

I don’t know, honesty. I don’t mean that in a self-pitying way. I just (imo) switch styles and methods so often that I’m unsure! Gay prose?

what are your writing weaknesses?

Continuity. Little things like if someone is standing, or where the scene takes place it. Dates are the worst. 

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don’t mind. I’m annoyed when people translate it in-fic though. It yanks me out of a story. I try not to write in other languages except for a small pet name or a proper noun. 

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Sailor Moon (that fic is long gone lmfao)

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I have three, and I’ll explain why they are my favorites. 

 Teach Me Tonight? This one is my favorite and also my most recent. I adore my OC Rhiannon (based heavily on Tilly from DISCO) and how relatable she is. I wrote a lot of self-soothing things to my younger self about body image and sexual dynamics that I really wish I had known earlier. So much of it was a catharsis for me and the reviews and messages I got about how much it meant to others has truly changed me. 

You Are My Sunshine This was my first long fic that I planned out and wrote in two weeks. I wrote while having COVID and having only watched Voyager three days prior. It brought me so many friends and such a community. I am proud of this fic because it marks what I like to call my “Adult Writing” phase. I took my time fleshing things out, dug into characters, and tried to tell my best story. 

Because of the Shame Written immediately after receiving a BPD diagnosis, I sought to write Mulder as someone who also had BPD. I go back and forth over my characterization in this story but it’s one that I wrote in the Starbucks cafe over the span of three months and listened to the song (same title) by Against me (along with Harsh Realms) . I really wrote out my entire inner monologue as Mulder and while it’s probably on a permanent hiatus, I do still love it.  

[ljf613]

Fanfiction and the Comics

Alright, confession time (again): I actually really like the ATLA comics. I’ve read all of them: All six trilogies, both short story anthologies, and even the new stand-alone graphic novel (as well as both LOK trilogies), and I do consider them canon.

Yes, they definitely have certain issues, but so does the show, so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The question then becomes, of course, whether or not to use them when writing fics. For me, it depends on the story, so I figured I’d make a public service announcement as to which of my stories are comic compliant and which are not.

My first ATLA/LOK fic, The People They Once Were, is set, like 150 years post-LOK, over 200 years after ATLA, and most (if not all) of the characters are OCs. By that point it really doesn’t matter if the comics happened or not. I’ll say they did, just so that, if I decide later in the story to mention an event or character from the comics, I can.

As for my Azula-centric series, Between the Emotion and the Response, I originally considered using the comics. However, when I started working on this series, it had been a while since I’d last read them, and so I inadvertently wrote certain things in a way that directly contradicted the comics, and I don’t really want to change those scenes now. For now, I’ll say it is not comic-compliant, although I reserve the right to cherry-pick certain tidbits from the comics if I so choose.

Meanwhile, my Toko series, we all want love/we all want honor, is very much comic-compliant-- to a point. Because it’s an AU and events go down differently than they do in the show, the same applies to the comics. (We’re still pretty far from that, in any case.) However, any world-building and characters introduced in the comics (Yu Dao, Jiang, etc) definitely exist, even if they don’t appear in the story proper.

On the other hand, my very worldbuilding-heavy series, We Have Lost Our Humanity (Or Did They Lose Us?), which will primarily be set several years post-canon, is very much not comic-compliant. At first, when I thought it would just be a one-shot, it was just because I wanted to be able to write certain events in a certain way without having to worry about events that, chronologically speaking, would have happened in the comics. However, as that universe has grown and expanded beyond what I could ever have imagined, it’s become very obvious that to try and make any of it work with what we’re shown in comics would be way too much trouble, so I’m not even going to bother. In other words, assume nothing shown in the comics happened in this universe (unless explicitly mentioned). This includes certain things which, while only shown in the comics, are considered fairly obvious by the entire fandom, even those who don’t consider the comics canon. (And no, I’m not going to tell you what that means, you’ll have to wait and see.) (Though, again, I reserve the right to cherry-pick certain tidbits from the comics if I so choose.)

As for my various (current and future) one-shots that aren’t connected to any particular series, I’ll take those on a case-by-case basis-- if I don’t use the “Not Compliant with Avatar Comics” tag, then they either are comic-compliant, or it doesn’t really matter.

[intheseautumnhands]

Um! Kliego, and.... your favourite other TUA ship (lawd, I'm suddenly hoping that you ship kliego lmaooo, sorry if you don't :'))

Hah, it’s fine! I’m into pretty much every single Hargreeves ship to some extent. Klaus/Diego* is not super high on my list to be honest, but I’m definitely still into it overall! I think it’s just fandom saturation more than anything that puts it lower down, because I do think the dynamic could be of interest.

* (I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I cannot use smushnames. I don’t begrudge anyone else use of them, they don’t bug me *that* much, but typing them feels so awkward.)

Choosing a favorite is honestly harder because I just want to ship all of them but I will... I dunno. Maybe RNG stuff I’ve written lately to pick. XD

Gonna cut since I’m already rambling before I even put in the questions, whoops.

(Also, two-days-later A: Hi I fell asleep in the middle of this and then barely touched my computer yesterday. Sorry!) 

 Klaus/Diego:

when of if I started shipping it: I walked out of my first viewing singing the song of my people at every single combination possible (Not even walked out, I watched over several days, it only took the first. not even half a season.) (The song of my people is, of course, I Ship It by Not Literally.)

my thoughts: Again, it’s not my #1 ship for the show, but I definitely could see it. I like that, of all the possible combos that could have hung out during the time between leaving home and the show, they seem to have the least amount of active vitriol and bitterness. It opens up interesting windows for that time period, as well as means it’s among the ships that need the least foundation work to get to somewhere decent afterwards. It makes it an interesting counterpart to some of the more actively difficult combinations, which I like especially in a poly context (because I am me and everything happens in a poly context).

What makes me happy about them: Again, the possibilities during the time gaps! And the general sense of... friendliness? It does feel like they’d have a lot less to get over than a lot of the pairs and I like it. (granted I think Klaus in general, while he has plenty of issues, seems to have less of them with his siblings specifically than most, so that’s playing into it, but I also see Diego as probably the one with the most after Vanya, so that’s interesting in and of itself.)

What makes me sad about them: I’m just sad for all these children growing up in their shitty, shitty childhood. And by sad I mean I want to read a lot of things that make me want to cry. Either as children but also I’m down for adults unwillingly letting the conversation drag around to their trauma too.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: Klaus is snarkier, more clever, and a lot stronger, mentally and physically, than I feel like a lot of fic gives him credit for. I think that goes for a lot of fic in this fandom, but since it’s one of the biggest ships and he’s in it, I feel like it shows up a lot for K/D. I’m not a big fan of them being really close as kids, either, which comes up a lot; my headcanon for Diego being pretty distant from all his siblings is strong enough that it takes a lot of set-up for me to accept anything else. (Awkwardly getting close in late teens as both of their ‘get me the fuck out of here’ drives get stronger and stronger is easier for me to see than close-as-kids.)

things I look for in fanfic: Tropes! The writers for this ship give me all the tropes. I want to marinate in it. I’m also kind of into general ‘it was casual, then whoops, I caught feelings, now what??????’ for them, because I could see it. Other than that, like... look, if it looks like it’s interestingly written or has an interesting concept, I will read it. I’m not super picky in this fandom, if it’s Hargreeves-centric and doesn’t bitch at shippers in the tags I’m in to at least give it a try.

My kinks: Uhhhh. Hmmm. I haven’t actually read a lot of kink fic for this ship or considered it, but I feel like I want mutual sadism/masochism.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Honestly my hope is for most of the characters to end up without another major romantic plot. I’m here for canon Allison/Luther but hoping the rest of them just... don’t. Especially since I don’t see them going for two sibling ships and that’s really all I’d want to see. If not that, both of them with new characters would be my preference, because there’s no one actually in the show I’d be down for. Maybe if they somehow warp the timelines around enough to bring Patch back, but even then, eh, just let me have family stuff.

My happily ever after for them: In general as characters, my ideal endgame for both characters is in healthier places than their start point, still clearly working out their shit, and on good terms as a family. As a ship: I feel like both of them would get bored eventually by any kind of ‘and then they went and got a happy domestic place to live and nothing exciting ever happened again’, even if it might be nice for a little while, so... active, somehow. Either they end up somehow finding some kind of active hobby to screw around with together, and enjoy flirting with each other while they do it, or like, I don’t know, get bored one day and accidentally buy a business just to have something to do and find they get weirdly invested in running it. (Maybe, like, a restuarant or something else that’s really high-stress. Or maybe the gym Diego boxes at goes for sale and he doesn’t like the look of the most likely potential buyer and buys it himself before he realizes he has no idea how to run something and has to slink back home and let Klaus laugh at him. Shit, I want that fic now.)

who is the big spoon/little spoon: This assumes either one of them are capable of sleeping totally still which honestly I don’t see. They both seem like the kind of people who flip around in their sleep and wake up five times a night. So, they both take it in turns and also sometimes just end up in weird sprawled positions, either on top of each other or really far from each other.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Honestly, I feel like joking around and talking together would probably be it. I could see road trips, too.

Uhhhh I RNG’d things I’ve written lately and I got Ben/Allison. Nobody else writes that but it’s the tiny ship of my heart so I’m gonna do it anyway. I’m sorry, my random teeny ships are what you sign up for when I get to choose. >>

when of if I started shipping it: On like my third rewatch Allison’s little “I miss him” while she’s watching the cameras burned itself into my brain and I have wanted more for the two of them ever since.

my thoughts: I just! Look it’s pretty much canon that everyone loved Ben, but something about his snarky-but-because-I-want-you-to-do-better-and-I’ve-given-up commentary with Klaus and Allison’s alternating defensive and concerned mode -- I just want them to team up together to despair everyone else’s problems and try to figure out how to help (and often failing; I feel like in a general sense, they’re both better at pointing out the problems than actually fixing them on their own). And I feel like they both get prickly in ways the other would understand and be able to deal with easier than most of the family.

What makes me happy about them: I feel like this just blends into the thoughts above. I love the potential for how they might interact, and the potential for them to call out each other’s shit (and probably everyone else’s).

What makes me sad about them: Everything about Ben in canon is sad! Even the happy things are sad!

things done in fanfic that annoys me: There are exactly two fics for this pairing and one is me and one is PWP smut, which just isn’t super my thing. So uh. there needs to be fic to annoy me. Please write fic specifically to annoy me, oh no, don’t throw me into that briar patch. (That said, in general, I feel like both of them get their sharper points filed down a lot in fic. They both have their pointed sarcasm and their moments of outright lashing out, and I want to see more fic deal with that.)

things I look for in fanfic: Again, I say, please let fic exist. Also, I badly want a proper AU of Ben surviving and running off to Hollywood with Allison. I did not do it justice in my tiny thing.

My kinks: I want switchy powerplay with an emphasis on play -- competitiveness and teasing and wrestling. Also younger or AU Allison who hasn’t yet tried not to use her rumors for everything not trusting anyone but Ben enough to gag her, because her voice is her best weapon. 

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Please please give me an Allison/Luther endgame. Ben I have no feelings on -- I still stand by not wanting any other romantic subplots, really -- but I am rooting for Allison/Luther in canon no matter how many others I ship them with.

My happily ever after for them: Possible in canon, as characters: Allison figures out how to balance ‘not using her rumors at all’ and ‘rumoring everything always’; Ben gets brought back to life and gets to be happy. As a ship: Honestly, connected to the family and both doing their own, fulfilling, non-superheroy things. Allison can act and Ben can get a chance to figure out what he wants to do, because I feel like even if he’d survived that would’ve been hard for him.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: Especially if we’re going with some semblance of canon and Ben’s died and come back, he’s the little spoon, because being wrapped up in someone else is comforting. But also just any kind of cuddling is welcome.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Judging everyone. No, I kid. Sharing and discussing books and movies, maybe. Ben passes along books he liked* and they watch movies together and Allison dissects acting choices and they both debate themes and ending of more ambiguous stories. They are loud movie watchers if they stay home to watch things, and go have loud debates over coffee after if they go out. *(I actually have a whole tangent in a fic that got cut out that I want to reuse for this fact, specifically about Ben having a slightly masochistic Lovecraftian phase in his early teens and passing it on to Allison, and Allison in her 20s thinking that if it fits either of them, it’s her, because she gets in people’s brains and rewires them and they forget what she’s done to them, and if either of them could make people go mad, it’s her.)

[roommatesandwiches]

Movie Night

For context: This WIP is set in The Consequences Of A Magic Sandwich, a series (with currently only one fic) based off that 'demon sandwiches' thread; Reader is a human that pals around with demons and serves them sandwiches when they come visit. It's supposed to be Vox-centric, but I somehow ended up writing about other demons more. (this one is set a bit after Reader's met Vox for the first time)

I wanted to write a one-shot of Reader hanging out with the VVV but realized I had zero idea how to write proper dialogue, especially with characters I'm not all that familiar with. I chickened, basically, because we have little to no information what all of their personalities are, but this came out decent enough so I thought I'd share.

Viv mentioned that all of the stuff in Hell are 'off-brand', and the following is kinda how I interpret the meaning of that as well as Velvet and Valentino's personalities while we still know little about them.

-----

The ice cubes clink as they touch the bottom of the glasses. Following after them is your fresh, homemade lemonade that you pour carefully from the jug. You then pop the straws into the glasses before carrying the tray over to the table where your demonic guests are sitting. Valentino is casually eating a sandwich, his eyes glued to his hot-pink phone, while Velvet is wolfing down your cookies one after the other like a homeless person who hadn't eaten in weeks. You place the tray down and the demoness immediately snatches a glass at the speed of light and knocks it back like a shot of vodka, ignoring the straw entirely. Her haste is rewarded with the ice spilling out and onto her face, some bouncing down her chest to her lap. "Slow down," you tell her as you hand her a napkin. "It's not going anywhere." "I know, but your food is just so good!" she draws out the words, and your worry that she'd get brain freeze disappears as she continues to be just as chipper as ever. Do demons not get brain freeze? Maybe she's just too hyped up to notice. Do demons get adrenaline rushes? You consider asking, but Velvet's stuffing her face with cookies again and Valentino is distracted. "Thank you," you say and you take a sip of your own glass of lemonade through the straw. You turn to the taller demon across from you, effectively catching his attention with your gaze. "You're not texting one of your workers, are you?" The pimp is quiet for a moment. "...'Course not." he says, but he puts his phone down. You sigh disappointedly, earning an annoyed look from him that you brush off easily.

"No working when you're here, remember?" you say. "This is a place for demons to relax. If you wanted to work over sandwiches you can do that in Hell." He frowns at your mothering, crossing his lower pair of arms poutily. "Fine, fine." He finishes his sandwich and finally takes his glass and brings the straw to his lips. He takes a sip and his eyes widen. "Dang, baby! This is f*cking delicious!" It tastes pretty average to you. "Don't you have lemons in Hell?" "Kinda?" Velvet made a face. "They taste gross. Everything tastes gross." "We have lemons, they're just... Off-brand," You raise an eyebrow. Off-brand lemons? "Just like everything else down there. We've got all the food and all the products you have up here but they're all sh*tty as f*ck." So that's why they like your food so much. It's not really great, it's just leaps and bounds better than the food in Hell. Velvet sighs and leans into her palm. You wonder if the brain freeze finally caught up to her. "Yeah... Even the Oreos are terrible." She suddenly perks up again and gasps sharply. She leans into you, filling your vision with her face. "Do you have—?!" "Oreos?" You push her back a bit by the shoulders as you try to remember. "I'll go check." You get up and make your way upstairs. Behind you, Velvet squeals and hits Valentino's arm excitedly. You hear the pimp say, "Calm down, Vel." but he sounds a bit excited, too. You go into your room and look into your snack drawer. After pushing aside a package of candies you spot a blue Oreo package hidden within and pull it out of the drawer. You grab some scissors before you bring it downstairs and show it to the demons triumphantly. They visibly brighten at the sight of it and won't stop looking at it in awe even as you cut it open. You hand them each a pack and they waste no time in tearing them open. They each toss a cookie into their mouths and simultaneously moan with delight as they bite into it. "So... So good," Valentino says with his mouth still full. Some drool drips down his chin and your fingers twitch with the urge to wipe it with a napkin. Velvet crams the other two Oreos into her mouth without even swallowing the first one and gets crumbs all over her dress and your tablecloth. Valentino at least takes his time to savour the sweet, sugary goodness. The demoness next to him reaches for another packet but you pull it out of her reach. She pouts like a puppy but you remain firm. "If you eat them all there won't be any left for other demons," is your reasoning, but really you don't want them to eat too much and get sick. You know how terrible that feeling is. Besides, you mother them enough as it is. "Just buy more." Velvet whines, making grabby motions with both her hands. "I'm not made of money," you say. Valentino opens his mouth so you add, "I can only get promoted so many times." "Actually, what I was going to say was that you could get a better job. We can easily make that happen, baby. You've just gotta ask." He winks and snaps his fingers with a flourish. "Thanks, but I like my current job," you say with a polite smile. "It's not the best pay, but it pays good and I like doing it." "Suit yourself, then." the pimp sighs and takes another Oreo. "I mean, with the extra money you could get some better clothes," Velvet comments, glancing at your outfit. You furrow your brows at her and she shrugs. "A change could be nice." "My clothes are perfectly fine as long as they fit me." you state with finality. "There's nothing wrong with looking good, sugar." You cast Valentino a look at that. "Not that you don't look good, I'm just saying that you could look better." "Well, I don't care about looking better. I like how I look right now." When clothes shopping, you usually just get whatever you think looks good, comfortable and is affordable. You've never really thought about how good anything looks on you and you don't really have any regard for style and brands. It was less of a hassle that way. "Are the clothes in Hell off-brand, too?" you wonder aloud. "Oh yeah, totally," Velvet says as she snaps a picture of the Oreo pack with her 'Hellphone'. She picks at the fabric of her dress. "A lot of the stuff for sale are tacky as Hell. If you want good clothes, you gotta make them yourself or pay really good money." "All my clothes are custom made and cost more than your house." Valentino adds. He gestures with all four of his arms and you easily understand why that could be. A lot of people in Hell probably didn't care to make clothes that accommodated demons that are shaped less like average humans. "That sucks." "It's Hell, babe," Valentino shrugs. "Everything sucks." "Even movies?" you question. "Yeah. Well," the pimp smirks. "Not our movies." Oh right. They make porn. You're not into that stuff, but you understand how some people are. All to their own. "Drugs don't pay for themselves!" Velvet laughs hysterically before adding, "We sell drugs too." Well, no wonder they were so stinking rich and high up Hell's hierarchy. Sure, power played a part, but down in Hell stuff like porn and drugs are likely really high in demand, you'd think. Velvet suddenly gasps again and turns to you with wide eyes. "O. M. G. Do you have—" Drugs? "—Movies?!" You look at her quizzically. "Of course I do—" "Ohmygoshohmygosh!" She's practically vibrating with excitement and her pupils dilate to the extreme. She's so excited that you're afraid that she might explode and get blood all over your dining room. Her claws snag on your shirt as she pulls you close. "Can we borrow them?!" You're about to say "Yes." when you second-guess it. You close your mouth and take a moment to think about it, prying Velvet's hands off of you as you did. "I... Don't know." you end up saying. Honestly, you don't doubt that she'd slit your throat and snatch up all your DVDs (or just steal them without going through the trouble of killing you) if you said "No." Velvet grins maniacally, giggling. "Don't trust us with your movies, huh? Haha! I wouldn't either!" "How about a movie night?" Valentino suggests. You look up at him and you swear his eyes are sparkling with excitement at his own idea. "Instead of borrowing them, let's watch them all here!" He grins expectantly at you and you suspect that he expects you to hate the idea, but surprisingly, you don't. Having a movie night with some demons isn't a bad idea. It'd be just like having a movie night with humans, but demons. It's been a long time since you've had a movie night with anyone, anyway, so it'll be nice. "That sounds fun," you say truthfully and Valentino frowns. "I can prepare the snacks, but oh—Don't you guys have work, though?" "We already have a night set aside for movies!" Velvet pipes up. "Ooh, Vox's gonna love it!" That makes you pause. "Vox?" "Um, yeah! We can't have a movie night without Vox!" she says as if it's the most obvious thing. "The point of movie night is so that we can hang out, duh."

(That's pretty much it. Thanks for reading y'all.)

[catsitta]

Handle With Care - Post Mortem

When I first started writing Handle with Care, it was going to be 100 chapters long and there were a few key differences in the plot. These changes occurred generally slowly as I gained a better understanding of my world and characters, while some shifted dramatically due to my feeling they were thematically inappropriate for the story I wanted to tell. So with the conclusion of the main fic and its various continuations, I decided to detail a little more in how I approached a 100 word daily drabble fic, and why certain events occurred or why certain characters played certain roles. This post is mostly for the folks out there who like all the nitpicky background information that goes around in the author’s head while writing.

100 WORDS A DAY

In choosing to write 100 words a day, I gave myself both a goal and a challenge. 100 words is often little more than a paragraph. Maybe two. I often found myself writing on my commute into work or during lunch on my phone, because while 1000 might feel overwhelming, 100 is not. Right? Yet some days I found just enough time to type up 100 words between work and other commitments (October was interesting, since I did Inktober and well as Promptober, on top of my usual working schedule). But the most challenging part was not writing 100 words. Writing 100 words was easy. Writing ONLY 100 words was where things became tricky.

In my original intentions for this fic, scenes were not supposed to span over multiple chapters. Each drabble was to be a self contained snapshot of time. But as the story became more emotionally centered, I shifted away from that idea and focused more on making each drabble exist as a chapter. Chapters can have cliffhangers. But they need to communicate a thought. An idea. A feeling. With 100 words a day, my objective became: Progress the story in a meaningful way or communicate some important information to the audience. With 100 words, there was often little room for getting lost in details.

Now one my ask again, why 100?

100 is the number of words in the definition of a drabble. 100, again, is an easy minimum to reach. But when you are used to writing 2-3k word chapters, flexibility is minimal and you have to decide what needs to be said, and what you were saying to fill space. And I found it a wonderful learning experience and valuable exercise as a writer. I’ve attempted to start drabble fics in the past, but rarely did they ever get past a couple chapters before I would get frustrated by the limitations. Because let’s be honest. Writing a 25,000 word story, 100 words at a time, is a test of one’s patience as much as anything else.

THE STORY

Handle with Care was originally supposed to be pure romantic comedy with just a splash of darker undertones in the background for color. But as much as I love fluffy comedies, as I wrote, there were conflicts that I didn’t feel should be glossed over. As some of my long term readers and commenters will know, I’m terribly fond of bitter with my sweet. Angst with my fluff. The bad things in life make the good all the brighter. And conflict drives a story forward.

So what changed?

There were many different variations on how Sans ended up raising Papyrus alone. Some took our overbearing science dad, Gaster, and outright cast him in the role of a villain as opposed to a mid story antagonist. Straight into, why aren’t you in jail, territory. Others barely featured Gaster at all, as he was disconnected from Sans after his son didn’t end up pursuing a ‘productive’ career in the sciences. There were even a couple considered drafts where Papyrus and Edge did have another parent and the reason Sans was distrusting and cagey was because of a broken Soulbond. (And for those of you who were Web/Sans theorists, well, there was a version where you weren’t wrong! Sans started an affair off with Web after the LOADs began as a sort of ‘regain control of his life’ thing.)

What may interest folks is that the story was originally not supposed to end with a wedding and a house in the planning. The happy ending was going to be less sugar and more height of the moment drama. Around the time Frisk intimidates Red into silence, she was going to instead start him on the path to discovering answers. No confessions from Sans. No journals. Instead Red goes on the hunt for clues and gets fragments of the story from different people, especially Gaster and Frisk. It was all quite emotional, but the pacing felt off, and I felt it would be more rewarding if Sans grew as a character and he was the one to confess all his secrets.

Another altered thread was Red being only Web’s son. Early, early on, Red was the product of Web and some other monster. I even considered that monster having died in birth with Edge. But I scrapped that quickly, and decided that instead, Edge was Pap’s twin, and that the grim mood Web was in, was because of what he saw as well as what he remembered from past timelines. He almost watched his friend and coworker dust in his arms. Properly traumatic, eh?

There is a completely cut scene that I may write in the spin off that goes more into detail about Red’s similarities to Gaster, and Sans’ to Web, and how people often choose partners that are like their parental figures. You may ask. Wait. What do you mean? Well, Webdings didn’t smoke. He drank. Red, despite having dabbled with the stuff, is never shown to drink recreationally or get drunk in the fic, for more reasons than being underage to do so. However, it is very lightly implied that Sans’ coping method of choice is alcohol, though Red quickly quashes this habit after the drunkenness incident. Now, who else smokes? Gaster. Sans doesn’t like that Red smokes (for obvious reasons it reminds him of his father and Red does try to quit in the fic, though ends up falling back on it when stressed.) There are other similarities if you look close. It’s one of the reasons that Gaster and Red don’t get along. They’re both strong personalities, and can be pretty quick to pass judgement on someone.

THE CHARACTERS

As many folks picked up on, Handle with Care, has multiple meanings. It is a moving pun based on the CAUTION: FRAGILE | Handle with Care, labels on the sides of some boxes. It is also one of the main themes of the fic itself. Everyone in the story is a person with their own pasts and pains, which makes them fragile in different ways. And some of them even represent different types of relationships and people we encounter in our lives.

Red - Our protagonist. He’s a young man picking up the pieces of his life after his father’s apparent suicide, left to raise his baby brother when he was only sixteen. He’s the child of an alcoholic and forced to take on an adult role too young. As a result, he has a few unhealthy coping mechanisms, struggles with his temper and his sense of self worth. But he’s the one that got out. That put his life on the straight-and-narrow.

Sans - The love interest. Grew up young from the sheer expectations in his life. He was never without, but when the LOADs happened, he cracked under a lifetime’s worth of pressure. He broke down. Stopped trusting anyone, including himself. And very likely only kept himself from Falling because of Papyrus. Much of his struggles is based on the single mothers who would say that their child is what saved them or got them through those darkest time by just existing. He is also the individual who was groomed for success that ended up with absoluting no proper coping skills because of his rigid upbringing.

Papyrus - The optimist. He stays positive through everything. Everything and everyone can do better, and he sees the best in all situations. But he also has a responsible streak with an urge to organize everything (clean/cook/no desserts before dinner). His relationship with Sans could have very well ended up problematic, with Paps taking on a parental role for his parent early on in his life.

Edge - The pessimist. Edge is the other side of the coin from Papyrus. While his world view is often just as rigid, he is emotional. While it is implied he was always a fussy baby, he’s very sensitive to change, and shows that children are capable of picking up on things that the adults in their lives try to hide. His abandonment issues run deep, and will cause him to lash out until he is older and learns better self control and comes to terms with his father’s death. It is not uncommon for children of single parent homes to become resentful, if not at their present parent, but at the one that is gone. It is difficult for Edge to separate his father’s death, and Red’s fights with Sans, away from himself, and his self-centric view of the world.

Gaster - The (sympathetic?) antagonist. There are points where you love to hate him, and other times, you have to step back. He’s the authoritarian parent that dictated most of his child’s life up until that child literally vanished and became a hermit for a while. It isn’t through callousness or unkindness that he acts this way, but in what he believes is the opposite. He struggles with emotions, especially showing them, an example of how often older generations, especially males, often don’t/can’t/won’t show emotional vulnerability. He wants the best for Sans and those he cares about, even if he often fails to show it properly.

Web - The dead dad. Red’s relationship with Web is complicated. He remembers when Web was a brilliant man, even if not the most fatherly of fathers. But he also laid witness to his fall from grace as well, his drinking habit the most evident. His role is ambiguous much of the story, though he’s left behind hole. His death is the catalyst to a number of the story’s events, and Red’s struggle with him in death is to show the complicated feelings people may have when they lose a loved one who may have not been the best person. Sans’ relationship with him was more to highlight how far he’d actually fallen in the end from where he used to be.

Toriel - The mother. She is a maternal presence in many character’s lives. Her mothering is revealed to be related to her inability to conceive a child. Infertility is a common problem for women. She goes on to foster, babysit and even adopt after Asriel is born. She also an example of the powerful bonds we form with others and how sometimes families are found. Toriel was as much of a mother to Sans as she was Asriel.

The Fallen Humans - The catalyst. If Frisk didn’t exist, there wouldn’t be a story. After all, she was the child that climbed the mountain, starting the events of Undertale. Frisk and Chara both are implied to have troubled pasts, which lead them to being vulnerable to that idea of absolute power corrupts absolutely. The meddle. They are often selfish and don’t consider the consequences of their actions, and when they do, there is a sense of it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters when you can manipulate reality itself. But where Frisk possess a sense of guilt for what happened with Sans, Chara does not, and even outright tells Red that he is willing to do anything to accomplish his goals (even if that means hurting everyone else). Kris is a ‘dreamer’, and while he has more control over tweaking the events that play out, he is far less calloused by RESETS and LOADS. He just wants to be close to his brother Asriel, as well as help his ‘siblings’ find a sense of belonging.

Undyne - The Protagonist’s parallel. A child of divorce, which for monsters often leads to trauma and death, she is left to be raised by Gerson. She’s angry, resentful and prone to get in fights. Red often compares her to Edge, but can also empathise deeply with her troubles. At fourteen she is old enough to understand the reality of the situation, but also young enough to be deeply affected by the changes. Given the rarity of divorce, it is implied that her home life was unstable before the events of the story. Red tries to help her as he never got help himself.

Asriel - The miracle child. Mostly a background character. Asriel’s main connections are to Kris and the Dreemurs. He was the child that a couple struggling with fertility finally conceived. His being born, however, resulted Gaster creating Red for Webdings.

Asgore - The powerful person. Gaster and Toriel both have names that are impactful in the community, but Asgore is the founder of Dreemur Medical and Biotech. He was the King of Monsters. Despite his passive role, he influences many of the character’s choices and actions but simply EXISTING as a person of importance. Gaster tries to literally create viable monster cloning/fertility enhancement methods for him which lead to Sans and Red being born. His inviting Web to work with determination led to the creation of the Machine.

Gerson - The substitute parent. His main role in the story is as a family friend of Undyne’s and in the end, her new parental figure. She resents him and he takes care of her. He cannot replace what she’s lost, but he tries to provide her a future. A hard role to fill in a child’s life.

Grillby - The old friend. Grillby plays are far more subtle part. He’s survived a broken Soulbond, he’s friends with Sans, and through every up-and-down, he’s remained open to Sans when he comes back around. Sometimes as children we form friendships with adults that are just as strong as those we form with our peers. This is true for Sans.

There are a few more characters that show up mostly for color and world building but don’t play a significant part in pushing the themes of the story.

CONCLUSION

Would I do this again? Yes. I am planning on continuing the 100 word trend in the Pre-Sequel This Way Up. It may be truer to the spirit of drabbles since we will have a lot more ground to cover since it will be telling Sans’ history. We’ll get to learn more about Gaster, Webdings, the Dreemurs, Grillby and the Fallen Humans. And for those of you who want to know more about the HwC boys as they are? Moving Day will fill in the blanks. And I also promised a sequel. Bubblewrap Blues will take place significantly in the future and center around a certain aptly named skeleton and the edgy boy that likes to get coffee in his cafe.

I’m pleased with how the story turned out.

I never expected the reaction and the feedback. To those of you who commented and kudosed. Thank you. And to those who quite literally followed me from the start, reading and commenting near every day if not every day? You’re extra amazing. Thank you. Thank you so much.

[nikkigrand]

Fic Start-up Dump

This is a long one! But here are all of my stories I started and probably never will continue lol

Sakura-centric “Sakura is a necromancer.”

When Sakura had been born, a crow had crashed through the window to then die at the foot of Mebuki’s hospital bed.

She’d never believed in bad omens; but as she held her precious minutes old daughter closer to herself—her mother in law whispering prayers in the background and Mebuki’s own mother hastily disposing of the dead bird—she knew that fate would only make it so that she’d soon believe.

--

Sakura had been four when it first happened.

Mebuki and Kizashi had gotten their precocious child a puppy for her 4th birthday. Mebuki had been accosted and begged for a pet for nearly three months before she and her husband gave in and bought a puppy from a neighbor. They didn’t even know what breed it was; but it was a small thing, quite the runt of the litter, and Sakura had loved it dearly.

When the poor thing soon died from what the Inuzuka’s diagnosed as the parvovirus, Mebuki and Kizashi thought that it’d be a good opportunity to introduce the concept of death to their little girl. After all, they lived in a shinobi village and death was their people’s livelihood.

If she had known that doing so would induce such horrible sequence of events, Mebuki would have told Sakura that the damn thing had run away and be done with it.

The couple went home with the dead puppy nestled tenderly into a nondescript, white shoe box. She’d carried it with a heavy heart, knowing that she’d soon be witness to her precious child’s first heartbreak.

Of course, when they told Sakura, the small pink haired girl had wailed and sobbed for nearly an hour. To appease her, Kizashi suggested they hold a small funeral for their smallest friend, and it was the only thing that had made Sakura stop crying.

Mebuki watched over Sakura as she gathered flowers from her mother’s garden, then as she scribbled the puppy’s name in her childish writing—backwards characters and all—on a flat stone. Kizashi gathered the other members of their family—which were only her mother and grandmother—before he then began to dig a small hole in the backyard in silence.

Sakura, with her small, innocent hands had laid their pet to rest. She’d adjusted the shoe box lovingly into the ground, bowed her head to say a choppy prayer she must have overheard from her grandmother, and then swept the soil over the box.

Mebuki had never been more proud of her daughter as she’d been on that cool spring afternoon. Her daughter, who held such compassion and love in her small body that the only way to stop the flow of her tears was by giving her first friend a proper burial.

The family collectively said a prayer for the puppy whose life was so brief then shuffled back inside their normally cheery home. She’d only chanced a look back when she noticed that Sakura was not with them, and saw that the rosette child was still gazing sadly at her makeshift tombstone.

“Sakura?” Mebuki had called, “Let’s go back inside, sweetheart.”

Sakura shook her head, her short locks sticking to her baby tearstained cheeks, “Not yet, Mama. I need to say good-bye.”

Nodding, Mebuki’s lips curled into a small smile and she headed inside to make her baby girl some lemonade and her favorite treat—umeboshi. Maybe that would cheer her up.

She must have been in the kitchen for only ten minutes when the sound of Sakura’s cheery laughter made her fumble the knife in her hand. Cursing when the sharp blade sliced into her palm, Mebuki hastily wrapped a napkin around her hand to stop the bleeding before curiously peeking out the kitchen window into the backyard.

Mebuki’s face paled, her jaw going slack, at the sight of her precious baby playing with their deceased family pet.

KakaSaku Age Swap “Sakura-sensei awoke the beast”

In Kakashi’s, admittedly short, lifetime, he’d never paid attention to the fairer sex. He didn’t find anything wrong with them, but he didn’t find them interesting either. Where Obito gushed over Rin’s pretty hair or pretty eyes, Kakashi complimented her medical ninjutsu and usefulness to the team. To him, girls were just boys with different parts. He didn’t see the point in crushes when he could be training; he didn’t understand why Naruto-baka-sensei got all tongue tied around his pink haired teammate, or why his father’s eyes lingered on Ayame-nee’s chest.

He understood attraction, in theory, but it just didn’t rank high in his list of priorities. There was too much to do, too many jutsu to invent, too many records to break. Girls and their soft parts were just another distraction he didn’t care for and Kakashi had been content with his feelings on the matter.

But then his stupid, dumbass, idiot, sunshine happy sensei came down with a bad case of the flu in July and everything had just gone downhill from there.

“I’m sorry, guys,” Baka-sensei sniffled, blowing into a handkerchief. “I’m really sick and won’t be able to teach you guys for a bit.”

Rin gasped, the dramatically empathetic thing she was, eyes wide as she asked, “Will you be alright, sensei?!”

Naruto-sensei nodded, loudly blowing his nose. “Yeah, but Sakura-chan says I should be resting and she’ll kill me if she knows I’m out here with you guys instead of—”

“That’s right, Moron, you’re supposed to be in bed.”

 ItaSaku Soulmate AU

It was a truth universally acknowledged among shinobi that no one wanted a soul mark. 

It was always too painful, no matter the circumstance, to have someone's dying words branded onto your skin. Some people never knew their soulmates, others until it was too late, and it always took a piece of them when the only other soul meant just for them was beyond their reach. 

 It wasn't so bad, in reality. Most people went their entire lives without ever receiving a soul mark, and it gave them the liberty to pursue and love whoever they pleased. But you could almost always tell who'd been marked—they always had an air of such sorrow about them. 

 The moment Sakura first heard about soul marks as a child she'd wanted one. Up until her father died, she'd thought that having a soul mark meant finding her one true love and living happily ever after—not losing them. But she'd never forget the crash of fine china as a plaintive wail pierced the warm afternoon silence of her childhood home; she'd never forget the face of her mother's agony as the words 'Mebuki, my love, my wife' seared along the delicate skin of her neck. 

 After that, she hoped with all her heart that somewhere out there, wherever they were, her soulmate was safe. 

 So when she felt the telltale searing of her skin during a spar, three years after Sasuke's defection, she immediately panicked and ripped off her vest to watch as words appeared on the pale skin of her chest.

 Naruto, who firmly believed that Sasuke was her soul mate, was beside her in an instant with tears shimmering in his ocean blue eyes. Whether it was for her loss, or Sasuke, she'd never know, but everyone knew that the appearance of a soul mark meant the death of . 

 When the words fully appeared, they were as red as its originator's bloodline, and Sakura burst into tears as Naruto stumbled back in horror. 

 Kakashi averted his eyes in pity, for he knew of only two people in the world whose soul mark manifested as the glaring red of their clan's bloodline—and it wasn't Sasuke. 

 As Sakura shakily zipped up her vest, poorly suppressed sobs tumbling from her lips, Kakashi watched as the words disappeared beneath red cloth. 

 Forgive me, Sasuke, there won't be a next time..

 How cruel was fate, he thought, to give and take so easily without remorse. 

 --

 When Sasuke saw her soul mark, they'd been at war for months and her shirt had been torn just above the chest by an errant wind jutsu. 

 He'd caught the words only by grace of chance when a quick dodge of a kunai made flaps of cloth expose them. he'd gone still with shock before hurriedly killing their enemies and grabbing her arm and unabashedly ripping the rest of her shirt to reveal her soul mark fully.

 "Hey!" Sakura cried, angry at his audacity, "Let go of me!"

 But he'd ignored her, eyes glued to the words he had inadvertently placed there.

 "Aniki..." He breathed sorrowfully, eyes finding hers and she nearly growled at the pity she saw there, "Sakura...I didn't..."

 Jerking her arm out of his grip, she glared at him as she moved away. "It doesn't matter anyway, he's dead." 

 But he followed behind her angrily, uncaring of the bodies he callously stepped over and on, and jerked her to a stop.

 "He was my brother, Sakura." He said angrily, as if it were her fault she bore the mark of his guilt. 

 Whirling around testily, she hissed with saccharine sweetness, "Yes, and you've killed him, and I didn't know him so it doesn't matter."

 Sasuke looked as if she'd struck him by reminding him of what he'd done, and Sakura refused to let herself feel regret. Itachi had been destined to be hers, and like everything else, Sasuke had taken him from her. 

 But it was hard to mourn someone she didn't know, even if her soul would never feel complete for as long as she'd live, and she found it hard to hold a grudge against him. 

 As she walked away, she casted her eyes towards the horizon, remembering the one other time she'd seen Itachi in passing and feeling her very being yearn for him. She'd been horribly confused and flinched when his cold disinterested stare passing over her made him feel like home.

 She hadn't dared spare him another glance, choosing instead to chase after another, so she'd missed the sharpness of his gaze when he, too, felt that comforting warmth. 

 It would trouble him until his death—these thoughts of what could have been.

  KakaSaku “Prompt: it serves to reason that, with how dramatic Sakura was and still is, their child would inherit her penchant for theatrics.”

Kakashi had always known that Sakura was an eccentric, if not dramatic, girl. She wasn't eccentric in the way Naruto wore orange as if he had a personal vendetta against humanity's corneas, or in the way Sasuke spouted promises of vengeance like a particularly annoying broken record. He'd always thought her eccentricity was subtle, less prone to surfacing unless she was around Sasuke-kun or Naruto's greater moments of idiocy. 

 But that was when he didn't really know her, and how dramatic she could be, and Kakashi found it hazardous to his health.

 He'd come to learn that Sakura solved all things she deemed annoying, troublesome, or scary with her fists. Or her screams. 

 She'd been twelve, almost going on thirteen; and he remembers only because she had been not so subtly dropping hints in Sasuke's direction about her upcoming birthday, and wouldn't it be nice if a cool, handsome boy would take her out on a date?

 They'd been on a simple mission outside the village gates, not too far from patrolling ANBU and safe within all reason. So, when Sasuke ignored her hints like he ignored his therapist (who, in hindsight, should have had their license revoked the second that boy learned the word revenge), and Naruto shouted that of course he'd take her out on a date, Kakashi wasn't too concerned when Sakura howled at the boy to mind his business and then angrily stalked off into the surrounding tree line.

 To regroup and strategize her next approach, he presumed. Sakura was smart like that; if she didn't have a career in the field, she'd have one in intelligence. 

 He was concerned, however, when a horrified scream of heart stopping proportions pierced through the raucous bickering between his two male charges and his job of not doing a thing to stop them.

 There wasn't a clear, defining moment from where his ass left the soft grass to where his feet barely touched it as he sprinted to his sole female genin. He had been terrified, he remembers, because of course he'd been given the team with the uncanny ability of attracting trouble and of course one of them would die within two months of knowing him.

 That's usually how things worked with him, he'd say.

 But it wasn't fair, because they weren't in times of war and who'd attack a pink haired little girl??

 His keen ears picked up Naruto and Sasuke's rushed footfalls behind him, and when another one of Sakura's terrified half scream half sobs rent through the air, he left them in the dust.

 With the way she was howling and screaming, he'd expected to find her dismembered and dying, but no. He found her flailing and sobbing and brushing at herself (her arms, her legs, her hair) frantically and wailing, "GET THEM OFF GET THEM OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF!"

 Putting away his kunai, Kakashi was decidedly unamused as he approached her in an attempt to calm her. But, to his surprise, it was like she was blind to him and her surroundings in her desperation to brush off the hundreds of infant spiders crawling and falling off her skin.

 It appeared that she'd walked into a cluster of spider's nest, and like most teenage girls, she was deathly afraid of them. Kakashi's eyes widened in alarm when her hand violently grasped the zipper of her dress to pull it down, his hands slapping over both of his male charges' eyes as they crashed through the underbrush and ignoring their pained yelps.

 There was the type of relief you felt after stepping into an air-conditioned building on a hot day, and then there was the type of relief you felt when you crashed into bed after a long mission, but nothing compares to the relief of seeing twelve-almost-thirteen-year-old Sakura step out of her dress and finding her decently clothed in a tank top and shorts. 

 Sakura-centric “The Mantis Program. Designed after the praying mantis who kills her mate.”

From the moment she became a kunoichi, Sakura always knew what was expected of her. It wasn’t blatantly spoken of, but the underground rumor mill was powerful and everyone knew the responsibilities of clan-less kunoichi. So, she supposed that when Tsunade called her into her office at the age of 18, it had been a long time coming.

What she hadn’t accounted for, however, was the actual truth to the rumor.

“I know it’s not what you want to do,” Tsunade said, her voice taking on that soothing quality she often had when speaking to cancer patients. “But it’s a requirement for…civilian kunoichi.”

Sakura licked her lips, the only part of her frozen body that could move, and thought of how fucked up Konoha’s archaic method of teaching kunoichi still was. Her shishou had wanted to do away with the program, but was overruled by a council that was still governed by old traditionalists who still upheld the ancient ways of the ninja.

“I’ve tried to keep you from it for as long as I could, but you are now a woman of 18 and I can’t anymore. I’m sorry.”

She wanted to rage and scream and cry, but she understood. Tsunade couldn’t keep her from the program any longer without accusations of favoritism, and while she had never attended, Sakura knew that her mentor was loathed to make her go. Not for the first time in her career, she cursed being born to civilians though she loved her parents.

Tsunade sighed, her right hand coming to rub the tension building between her eyes. “I’ll call in your team—you know the procedure.”

“Yes, Tsunade-sama.”

As Sakura waited for the rest of Team 7 to arrive—including Tenzo and Sai—she thought of what it meant to be a clanless kunoichi. She thought of the unfairness of it all, of how scathing words spat by children who knew nothing could still define her.

Because, from the moment she had entered the academy, Sakura was destined to become a Mantis. It was her responsibility, after all.

As described by Tsunade, the Mantis program was designed to produce masters of seduction, be it male or female, and was required of clanless shinobi. Shinobi would be sent away to an obscure academy in an unknown section of the Land of Fire to learn how to seduce their targets, extract information, and then eliminate them.

The Mantis program was two years spent with other recruits, isolated from the rest of the world. Their focus would be on learning the intricacies of desire and sex and were expected to shed their modesty and morals. They would learn to think of their body as a tool for the village and abandon the sanctity of intimacy with another human being.

No one knew exactly what was taught in the Mantis program, but Sakura had heard whispers. When male shinobi were drunk, they’d spew songs about golden pussy and honey tongues, then leer at kunoichi they assumed were Mantises.

It was widely considered invasive and in poor taste to ask kunoichi about their clans, as no one really wanted to know who had gone into the program. After all, they were the village’s whores and the stigma of being unclean would remain forever.

She felt a little sick to know that once she became a Mantis, she would always be a Mantis.

Konoha might be considered the softest village in all the Elemental Nations, but Sakura had learned that it was also the darkest in the ways that mattered.

Loud laughs sounded from behind the doors to the Hokage’s office and Sakura tensed. She was dreading this part of the meeting, knowing that her clan born teammates would not understand and would be outraged on her behalf. Also, she wasn’t quite sure how to feel about five other males learning of what she would have to do.

The doors swung open, Naruto’s exuberant shout the first to mark Team 7’s arrival.

“Baa-chan!” He cried with a joyful grin, arms akimbo as the rest of the squad trailed in behind him.

Then he caught sight of his teammate and swept her into a bear hug that left her breathless and choking. Casting a look over his shoulder, she observed the rest of her team. Sasuke had moved to stand by the window, hands in his pockets and looking as bored as ever. Sai, with his ever present stiff smile, stood beside Yamato whose eyes were focused on the Hokage. Kakashi had his nose buried in his porn but lifted a hand in greeting anyway.

“You called for us, Hokage-sama?” Yamato asked curiously, hand reaching over to snatch at Naruto’s collar before he touched any of Tsunade’s expensive baubles she had on her book shelf.

Tsunade looked at them evenly and something in her gaze must have sobered them, for the atmosphere in the room changed. The blonde sighed and reached into the bottom drawer of her desk, pulling out a bottle of sake Sakura had sworn Shizune had hid.

As she poured herself a glass, she said, “There’s no easy way of saying this, so I’ll cut to the point.”

She surprisingly pushed the glass towards Sakura and said, “Sakura will be entering the Mantis Program, effective immediately.”

There was a weighty silence before Naruto burst out, all sunshine and rainbows as usual, “That’s so cool, Sakura-chan!”

His fingers came to scratch at his cheek, eyes narrowing. “Is that some kind of cool, secret division in ANBU?’

“No, Dickless, she is going to whore school.”

The subsequent silence was deep enough to hear a pin drop, the weight of Sai’s words impacting each shinobi differently. Sakura reached for the offered sake and, with a shaking hand, brought it to her lips to choke it back. It was the only motion in the room.

Those few scant seconds where no one spoke felt like an eternity for her, but she would not dare to peek at anyone’s expressions for fear of what she’d see.

“Tsunade-sama, what does Sai mean?” Sasuke asked, surprising her. She’d never pegged Sasuke as someone to ask questions concerning herself.

Tsunade opened her mouth to speak, but Sakura felt that since she was the topic of conversation, she might as well participate. Her involvement in this was non-negotiable, she had to go. She had no other choice. It wouldn’t do to show fear and uncertainty in front of them. For all her fears and doubts, Sakura didn’t want them to think her weak and incapable.

In some way, she didn’t want them to worry for her—she didn’t want them to think she’d be broken.

So, before her shishou could speak, Sakura clarified, “The Mantis program is designed for honeytrap missions. I’m sure you’ve heard of them, Sasuke-kun.”

Sasuke’s brow furrowed as his eyes settled on her before his eyes pinched angrily. He was a smart man, she was sure he’d figured out what types of things she’d be learning and doing in the program. At the same moment, Kakashi started pacing around the room agitatedly. He stopped by the window and exhaled deeply. He, no doubt, knew exactly what the Mantis program was—even if he’d never been a part of it.

“Sakura-chan,” Naruto said as he stepped closer to her, “I still don’t understand.”

She sighed, thinking that Naruto could be dense at the worst times.

“Sai’s right,” She said, jaw clenching angrily. “I am going to whore school.”

“Sakura!” Tsunade reprimanded, hands coming down angrily on her desk.

Sakura whirled on her, feeling all of the righteous fury that came from being trapped rise up like molten lava as she spat, “That’s exactly what it is, shishou and you know it.”

But Tsunade didn’t rise to the bait, instead sitting back to level her with stormy, yet disappointed, eyes.

“Do you think you’re the only one to have gone through this?” She asked simply, and Sakura suddenly felt ashamed.

Because she wouldn’t be the only recruit at the Mantis academy. She wasn’t the only one who’d have to lose her dignity and pride for Konoha.