#Pray for me for I am so unsure of my abilities.

[mathewryf]

Okay I'm doing this to curb my impostor syndrome so...!

7 + 8 = 15, carry the 1, 2 + 4 + 1 = 7

7, 5, 75, that's three quarters. that'll get me 3 gumballs.

Wait I haven't seen a gumball machine in years.

Time for me to relive my experiences from that time for the next 2 hours in my head.

... yes that is seriously how my brain works.

[grotesquedarling]

All Yours.

Toby Rodgers x Werewolf!Fem!Reader

Summary: You are assumed dead, after going on a walk and not coming back. Toby finds evidence of the 'death' and thinks the worst. You return hours later, your ability to heal not working well. Toby helps you clean up, which leads to much more.

A/N: This is a one-shot for a story I am writing for Toby, where reader is a werewolf. If anything is confusing in this one-shot, God I pray not, it is connected to my story and things will fall in place as I post it! Divider made by cafekitsune! Please go easy on me, this my first time writing smut, or anything really, in about 2 years, due to writer's block, so things may be clunky.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI!, P in V, descriptions of violence and murder, no protection. (If I have forgotten one, please let me know!)

Word count: 3k

“Wh- What now?” Toby yelled. “Sh-she is d-dead!” He was getting worked up, stuttering more than usual.

Tim and Brian couldn’t do anything, nothing that would be helpful anyway, so they listened. They listened for so long they were to the point of ‘listening’. Which consisted of sitting in the room and dissociating while looking interested.

Toby was getting louder, pacing faster, unsure of how to handle the situation. “Are y-you even li-listening to m-me? SHE’S GONE!”

Before Tim or Brian could say anything, there was a loud bang on the cabin’s front door. As soon as all their eyes shot in the direction of the sound, the doorknob was ripped from the door, leaving a gaping hole where it once was. A few bloody fingers could be seen going into the hole to open the door.

The door swung open and there you stood, bloody and bruised. The three men looked at you in awe and confusion. 

“How-?”

“Don’t fucking speak to me,” you growled, “I am going to take a shower.”

Toby just stood there, unable to process the fact that you were actually alive, you may have looked like shit, but there you were, covered in blood and looking hotter than ever. 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

As the cold water started to run down your body, the dried blood and dirt washed away. The images of the people that had been mauled, maimed, and mutilated didn't go anywhere, though, as a matter of fact, they just lingered and kept replaying.

“Shut up! You stupid fucking cunt, just stay down. Quit fighting back, you won’t win.”

A hand grabbed your hair as you were being yelled at, dragging you over to the lake you had been brought to to be thrown in after being killed. The thought of not being able to swim crossed momentarily, it was gone as soon as it seemed to come. Staying conscious was getting harder by the minute, eyes trying to close and breathing was almost impossible.

Unsure of what to do, a last burst of adrenaline hit, right before getting dunked into the lake. Your hand wrapped itself in the hair of the woman holding you, and dragged her off the dock with you.

Fighting underwater was not as easy as one would hope for in this situation. All you could do was hold on to the throat of the woman trying to murder you. If you’re dying, so is that bitch. Time felt almost as if it was slowed, as you waited for the bitch’s partner in crime to try to help her, he never showed.

Even struggling was hard, but losing is something you were never okay with, you had to win, or not die. Finally, life seemed to have left the woman, but you weren't about to let her trick you. You pulled yourself above the water, dragging the woman with you.

Your hand scrunched a bunch of the woman's hair, and quickly, with all the strength you could muster, you smashed her head into the dock, probably a little more than what would kill her. She will not be coming back from that one, you made sure of it.

As you finished, you stood up and looked down, blood was everywhere, yours and your attacker’s. You had no time to worry about that though, there was a man, somewhere close, who also wanted you dead. Blood loss and pain seemed to start setting in as you reached the grass, knees bruising as you hit the ground.

“What the fuck did they do to me? Why am I not healing? And where the fuck is-?”

Dead. As soon as you saw something, or someone, out of your peripheral vision running off, you noticed the guy was way beyond dead. You gave the woman you left on the dock one last glance, there was absolutely no chance she was coming back, unless someone were to gorilla glue her brain back together.

With both of them dead, you took a few minutes to lay in the grass, in the hopes that regulating your heart rate would start the healing process. It did not.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Tears fell down your cheeks as you sat on the floor of the shower, the back of your head against the wall. Pain was something foreign to you, considering your healing factor, but the healing wasn’t happening, not as fast as usual anyway. The pain was almost unbearable, but the feeling of possibly being dramatic due to never having to feel pain for long seemed to cross your mind.

Unaware of how long you’d be sitting under the warm water, you realized it had been at least 20 minutes. The water started to get cold, the change in temperature wasn’t a bother, considering you run hot anyway, but that meant someone would be checking on you soon, probably Toby. You two had gotten close recently, very close. Too close, according to Tim.

Keeping your composure under the cold water was getting hard, the adrenaline had worn off and everything hurt. Suddenly, you were hyper aware of every bruise and open wound you had, your legs hurt, your body ached, and breathing started getting hard again. A panic attack hit.

A heavy knock hit the bathroom door, and the door opened. The realization of how loud you were sobbing seemed to bring you back to reality. Trying to speak to Tim, who just slung the bathroom door wide open, was impossible at the time, the only thing coming from you were sobs.

The shower curtain moved to the side ever so slightly, Tim’s eyes met yours as you looked up at him, curled into a tight ball, knees against your chest.

“He wanted me to check on you first, can he come in?” Tim seemed to be hiding the worry he had for you, hoping that if he didn’t worry, Toby wouldn’t worry as much. That didn't work. Toby peeked over Tim’s shoulder to see how fucked up you were.

“G-get out Tim,” Toby shoved Tim aside and out the door. Once the bathroom door closed, Toby just stared at you for a minute, taking in the wounds that were not healing. “Why are you st-still bleeding? I th-thought you-.”

Your eyes stayed glued to the wall in front of you, unmoving as your head rested on your knees. Words weren’t coming easy, the panic attack seemed to subside, breathing still seemed to be a big task, and you felt mentally numb.

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Toby crouching now and knew he wouldn’t go away without getting the information he wanted and making sure you were okay, and since being okay was not a thing at the moment, he would not be leaving.

“If you’re just gonna sit there and stare at me like that, you might as well get in.” You deadpan, eyes still glued to the wall. “It’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before.”

His eyes widened, “I-I,” he stuttered out, shocked by your offer. “I’ll h-have you know, I haven't ever s-seen you n-naked by ch-choice. You don’t l-lock doors.” He was flustered, but he wasn’t going to turn down the offer. He started to remove his clothes, and quickly.

While trying to stand up so Toby could get in the shower, stars filled your vision and put you right back on your ass and a little yelp left your throat. You leaned into the wall again, completely and utterly ready to give up.

Toby sat down beside you, both of you completely vulnerable, and seemed to be scanning the severity of the damage to your body. He was quiet, more quiet than usual, it was almost scary. His eyes finally made his way up to yours, tears started streaming once again. Never in your life had you wanted to be held so badly, you had always been able to be independent and take care of yourself.

With his eyes still locked on yours, the words ‘hold me,’ slipped from your lips. Without hesitation he pulled you into him, causing you to wince with how fast and rough the action was.

“S-sorry,” he whispered as he gently loosened his grip on you. His fingers started tracing the bruises on your arms, then stomach, then your thighs. Something about him having to be gentle with you for the first time, made you feel a way, you couldn’t tell what that way was, but it was nice.

Leaning into him was a lot better than leaning on that hard ass wall, as he continued looking over your body, you listened to his heart as your head rested against his chest, regulating your own breathing and heart rate.

Pain started to slowly subside, your chest was not as tight, and the anxiety had melted away. Healing still wasn’t happening, at least not fast enough, it only seemed to be slowly coming back, and being the most impatient person in the world it might as well just be not working.

“I don’t understand why I am not healing,” you thought aloud, “If you're done looking at my tits from over my shoulder, will you help me just clean up? I feel absolutely disgusting.”

Toby was flustered once more, and hid his face in your shoulder for a moment. “Y-yeah, I can,” he whispered before helping you up.

Being in such a vulnerable state with you was something he never thought would happen, at least not when you first met anyway. Something about the innocence of sitting with each other, naked in the shower, made him want more than that. He was craving you, in so many different ways.

His impulse control was in overdrive but now, he didn’t want to hurt you, he was supposed to help you clean yourself up. All he could think about, though, was having his way with you. His hands were a little shaky now, trying not to think about grabbing you and pushing you against the wall. That seemed to be the only thought his brain could manage to give him, he was getting frustrated.

“You know, as a werewolf, I can smell many different pheromones, and I-,” you were quickly interrupted before you could finish the sentence.

“Sh-shut the f-fuck up!” Toby practically shouted. “You s-stink and you need h-help showering, let me f-finish helping you.”

“How about I help you after this, then? If I’m not too sore anymore.”

The look on Toby’s face was of pure confusion, “with what?”

You shook your head, “Let’s just finish here first.”

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Toby caught on a lot quicker than you thought he would, you hadn’t seen him move that fast and sporadic before. He needed you though, and when you offered yourself to him, even with the state you were in, he was not going to let opportunity slip away.

Your healing seemed to be back to a semi-normal speed. All you felt were light aches and any open wound looked like a gnarly scar, but they were closed up and not bleeding. What more could someone ask for?

“What the fuck were you two doing in there?” Brian asked, but quickly took the question back. “You know, don’t actually answer that. You two share way too much information already. Pretend I never asked, I am leaving.”

As Brian walked away, Toby practically dragged you to his room. His excitement was unmatched. He has wanted to do this since you two beat the shit out of each other sparring, which was about three weeks ago. Something about you looking feral unlocked something within him.

The thought of you scraping your sharp canine teeth across his neck, bringing blood to the surface while riding his thigh was something he never knew he wanted or needed. He wanted to be buried deep in your pussy, he wanted to be between your thighs, he wanted, no he needed to have you in every way possible.

Toby couldn’t decide what to do first, his thoughts were racing as you stood behind him while he locked the door. Once it was locked, he turned to you and lost the little bit of composure he had left. He grabbed you and ripped the shirt you had just put on after the shower completely off your body, and pushed you down on his bed.

Now all that was left on you was your panties, his focus wasn’t there yet, though. His kisses were sloppy yet held so much passion. His hands seemed to wander your body as he started kissing down your jaw line and making his way to your collarbone.

A small gasp escaped you when his hands finally found their way to your breasts. The way he squeezed them made you think he’d been waiting for the moment. The way he held onto you in general made you wonder how long he’d been wanting this. You had to admit, you had also been waiting for this, the way Toby had been acting around you, the way his glances started lingering, or how you could hear his heart rate change slightly when he’d see you.

His lips were back on yours now, and he was growing more and more desperate by the second, he whined a little as he started grinding into your thigh. You smirked when you realized how needy he was. He took that as an opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth.

You could tell he didn’t know what to do next, the way he moved, twitched, and whined into the kisses. Pulling away from his lips for a moment caused him to become confused, but when your hands moved down his chest and started pulling at his pants he realized you weren’t trying to get away, you were helping him. A giggle came from you when you saw the look on his face.

“Wh-what? D-did I do something wr-wrong?” He was slightly worried.

As you shook your head, your hands went to his hair and pulled back into a kiss. He seemed to melt into you. He was so rough, even while trying to not be rough, then there was you. So gentle and loving. Despite being some sort of monster, you were just so patient, it drove him crazy, he loved it.

“I, I don’t kn-know what to d-do first.” He stuttered through his kisses.

Deciding to take things in your own hands so he wouldn't have to decide, you flipped him onto his back. His eyes went wide, he forgot about your strength, he was not going to argue though. With you on top, he seemed to be in awe. The way you looked was angelic.

“Are you ready?”

All that came from Toby was a whine as you went to sit on him, but you were going slow, way too slow. His hands grabbed your hips hard enough to bruise you as he forced you down. He started grinding up into you, and moving your hips whichever way he wanted, there was no rhythm, just random thrusting.

Now it was your turn to whine. Your hands rested on his abdomen and your claws started to come out. A growl escaped you, as your hips rocked in a more rhythmic way, syncing with his.. The moans and little growls rumbling through you were almost enough to get Toby to cum then and there.

His grip tightened on your hips as he started controlling your movements again, very sporadically. You didn’t care though, you were close too.

“Toby, I’m…” was all you could manage before a warm feeling came over you and you were orgasming. Your head went back and your eyes shut tight, and with your pussy clenching around his dick as you rocked your hips through your high, Toby quickly found ecstasy after you.

A string of moans and cusses came from Toby as he rode out his high with you still on his dick. He didn't want you to move, not yet. His grip on your hips was so tight by now that his knuckles were white. It felt as if he was making sure this was real.

“F-fuck,” He managed to moan out. “That was s-so much b-better than any of the p-porn I’ve ev-ever watched.”

You giggled again as you rolled from the top of Toby to the side of him. You laid your head on his chest for a moment, just listening to his heart. You gently kissed his cheek, before throwing your legs over the side of his bed and putting on a shirt that was on his floor. You were almost certain it was not a clean shirt, you used it though, just in case Tim or Brian came in and saw you with absolutely nothing on. Not that they would ask you any questions about what you were doing though. They have learned their lesson asking that one too many times. 

“I don’t know how much longer they will be gone, but I have to pee. When I come back-”

“We’re fucking even ha-harder. I have s-so many th-things I want to try wi-with you.” Toby was very serious saying this, but laughed a little, until he heard Tim and Brian walk in through the front door. He wasn’t going to be able to do anything with you now, they would complain about the noise.

Brian was quick to speak as he walked in, “We’re back, please don’t be fucking in my line of sight.”

Tim shook his head at that statement. “I am going to bed, if you are fucking, do it quietly,”

“They are such party poopers. Looks like it’s bedtime at the old folks home. Whatever, you good if I sleep in here tonight? That couch is going to give me tetanus with those rusty springs stabbing me in my ass cheeks.”

Toby looked from you to his bed, and gave you a strange look. “Your bed is way more comfy!”

“H-how do you kn-know that?”

“I take naps in here when you’re out or whatever.” You spoke matter of factly. The two of you stared at each other, unblinking for about ten seconds. Toby sighed, and promptly made a small  space for you.

“D-don't make this a habit.”

“Sleeping in your room? We just fucked in your bed. Shut up.”

[httpswritings]

The Great War — Katie McCabe x Reader

Additional info: Story inspired Taylor Swift’s The Great War. I’m in my Katie era, but I’m also planning on writing about other players, especially Alexia, which I have like four ideas to write about. We’ll see. I also have a draft of Ruesha x Katie inspired in Moth to a flame by The Weeknd, but I’m doubting about posting it or not. Maybe in the future I’ll write a Caitlin x Katie fic, but I don't have a clear vision of them yet to properly write about them.

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, throwing up and therapy, sensitive topics overall, avoid reading if you find them triggering. Angsty Katie.

Word count: 1691

Right after Katie ended her relationship with Caitlin Foord, she met Y/N. After some time, they got into a relationship together. They enjoyed every single second of the magical connection they seemed to have. With the passing of time, Katie became more and more anxious about her relationship with Y/N. She doubted she could be what Y/N deserved, even though her girlfriend took her time every day to remind Katie that she's never been as happy in a relationship as she was with her.

«My knuckles were bruised like violets

Sucker punching walls, cursed you as I sleep-talked»

Two heartbreaks in such a little time, with both her Ireland National Team's member Ruesha and girlfriend of seven years, and her Arsenal's teammate Caitlin Foord, who was her girlfriend during half a year, made the Irishwoman insecure about her ability to love, to trust, to have a happy fairytale ending. Katie knew these thoughts would damage her relationship with Y/N, but she couldn't help but to spend most of her day tracking every single detail that built her relationship to the obsessive point where she felt absolutely sick of herself.

«Spineless in my tomb of silence

Tore your banners down, took the battle underground»

When she reached her limit, she told Y/N about what was going on. Y/N responded well and helped Katie, and it started well. Really well. But after some time, Katie fell back into a cycle of doubt and anxiety, and those sensations kept growing when she noticed any change in Y/N's mood, as she took it too personally. This made her re-experience in her mind those moments of stress while she was with Ruesha or Caitlin.

«And maybe it was ego swinging

Maybe it was her

Flashes of the battle come back to me in a blur»

Y/N tried to understand her, she tried and tried but eventually, she reached her limit.

“I want to help you. I really do. But I can't continue like this. I'm not Ruesha, nor I am Caitlin. I am aware that being in a new relationship it's difficult for you, so maybe we should take things a bit slower. I don't mean to take a break, but maybe I should go back to my flat. We will move on slower than we did before, but I do think it's the only way to work it out.”

«All that bloodshed, crimson clover

Sweet dream was over»

“Yeah, maybe you're right´”, that was Katie's only response. Y/N limited herself to sigh. That night, Katie slept alone in her bed. Her body reacting to the cold sheets and crying herself to sleep.

«My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War»

Sweet morning messages from Y/N, “Good morning, baby. Do good at training today! Love you ;)”

Surprise visits from Y/N, lovely gifts, usually handmade ones, brought Katie to tears as she felt endlessly loved.

«Always remember

Tears on the letter

I vowed not to cry anymore

If we survived the Great War»

Katie prayed for things to get back as they were during the first months of the relationship. The feeling of her not being a good girlfriend to Y/N haunted her even in her sleep.

«You drew up some good faith treaties

I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone»

Y/N suggested going to a therapist together, but Katie was unsure about that. She thought that if she couldn't quite open to her girlfriend about her feelings and thoughts, she wouldn't be able to talk about what was bothering her to a therapist. Such a huge contrast between the two parts of the relationship that drew them even more apart.

«You said I have to trust more freely

But diesel is desire, you were playing with fire

And maybe it's the past that's talkin'

Screamin' from the crypt

Tellin' me to punish you for things you never did

So I justified it»

“No, I'm sorry, but I'm not doing this. I feel uncomfortable talking to a stranger about our issues.”

“I know, baby, I was just suggesting it. Let me explain you why. We are aware of having some problems in our relationship, but we don't really know how to get through it. We've tried and things keep getting worse. Maybe talking to someone who's out of our relationship can make this whole situation clearer for the both of us.”

«All that bloodshed, crimson clover

The bombs were close and

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

The burning embers

I vowed not to fight anymore

If we survived the Great War»

Katie took some weeks to meditate Y/N´s idea. She was terrified of being judged by the therapist they would talk to. Even more scared of Y/N realizing she didn't do any good to her. Eventually, she agreed.

“Maybe she's right. People attend therapy sessions. It's normal, Katie. It's normal”, she said to herself.

«It turned into something bigger

Somewhere in the haze, got a sense I'd been betrayed»

Katie was not new to getting help from a therapist. She was very open about her mental health in different areas of her life, whether that included football or not. The first time she attended a therapy session was when she was a teenager. It went well, so did the first sessions with Anna, Katie's and Y/N´s psychologist.

Making progress is not a linear process, and making mistakes is a part of the success. Mistakes are a victory in themselves, it means that you're still trying. One day, Katie had an individual session with Anna. Anna felt it was Katie's time to open about her two past relationships; a young adult romance that lasted for more than half a decade and a short but intense romance of one year after a breakup.

It was a slow conversation filled with many pauses from Katie.

“Are you gonna tell Y/N what I'm telling you?”

“No, Katie. This stays between me and you”, said Anna.

As Katie told her her experiences in love, she broke down.

The wall she had built, in order to avoid being hurt and judged, collapsed in that therapy room.

“Don't be afraid to cry. You have nothing to prove to me nor to Y/N. This is about you and your healing process. Y/N will help you and accompany you, but it's crucial for you to work on yourself, especially being a public figure.”

«Your finger on my hair pin triggers»

As Katie arrived home, she unlocked her phone and asked Y/N to come over.

“I've asked Anna, and she told me it was a good initiative and a great way of gaining some independence in our relationship, leaving her out of it for a while. Don't feel obliged to!”

“I am exhausted, baby. Work was something else today, and I’m a little bit irritated because of it, lol. Maybe another time? Love you.”

As Katie was about to spiral, she remembered Anna's advice. She breathed deeply. Y/N was setting her boundaries. She trusted Katie enough to tell her the truth and not to make any excuses. She felt tired from work. Y/N is not mad at her. She didn't do anything wrong. Everything’s okay.

«Soldier down on that icy ground

Looked up at me with honor and truth

Broken and blue, so I called off the troops»

The next day Katie woke up to a text from Y/N.

“Good morning, princess. I had a great sleep, what about you? How did you sleep? I’m up to seeing you today if you feel like it. Love you.”

Still slightly asleep, she smiled.

“I can't wait to see you today, beautiful girl. I had a good sleep, too. Good to have the bed all to myself ;))”

She frowned after sending the text with that joke at the end.

“Breath, Katie, let these useless thoughts pass. Both you and Y/N feel comfortable teasing each other”, said Katie to herself.

“Ha, ha, really funny. We both know you missed having me snoring next to you.”

“How do you know?!?!”

«That was the night I nearly lost you

I really thought I lost you»

As Katie was preparing herself to go out with Y/N to have lunch, she remembered the night where Y/N left her house.

She doesn't freak out to the thought of it, but instead she does an exercise of introspection. She sees herself in her mind, almost throwing up, completely emotionally depending on her girlfriend while pushing her away and bottling up her feelings.

«We can plant a memory garden

Say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair

There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair

And we will never go back

To that bloodshed, crimson clover

The worst was over»

Now she looks at herself in the mirror. She sees herself, Katie, as the woman who knows that she's loved, and she's deserving of being it. The woman who respects her girlfriend’s boundaries and doesn't freak out at the tiniest change that she perceives. The woman who's going to take her girlfriend out to have a good time having lunch, not worrying about anything but what order she's going to have.

«My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

We're burned for better

I vowed I would always be yours

'Cause we survived the Great War

I would always be yours

'Cause we survived the Great War

I vowed I would always be yours»

As they arrived home back from the restaurant, Y/N walked towards Katie.

“I’m so proud of you, baby. You did this. You are doing it every day. I’m so excited to see where our relationship leads us to.”

As Katie sobbed, she softly laughed, “It’s nice to cry sometimes. God, I feel so relieved. I’m so proud of myself, too, of us! Thank you for being there for me, Y/N, thank you. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life as your girlfriend.”

“Even when you'll wake up to my snoring?”

“Especially when I'll wake up to your snoring.”

[grapejuicestyless]

hi, hope you're well! i was wondering if you could write something for conrad based on the song my love mine all mine by mitski? i've been obsessed with it lately and it reminds me off him 💖

My Love, Mine All Mine.

Conrad Fisher x fem!reader

summery: Y/n has always gave too much. She always loved, believed too easily. She can’t control what others will do with that, but she can control how she loves.

Sorting through the shiny papers, the corners cut into my skin with each photo I crumpled up, tossing it into the shadows. Each memory ingrained forever on a film that would only taunt me with the past.

I hate the way the sun shined through the leaves in each one. How the sand looked so soft under our feet, the ocean bluer than any summer sky could every paint it now. I am reminded of how vibrant the world became with him in my life, when he was mine.

I say that he was mine loosely. I am unsure if I even have the ability to own something so pretty, so precious. If I ever even did. I remember the way my hands would run through his salty curls after a beach day. How he would hold me extra tight, we’d only bring one towel to share. His lap was soft, shorts scrunched up and dripping still.

I think of his lips on mine. How perfectly they fit on mine. I remember how desperate each kiss was. Not once had he ever made it seem like if it were to go no further we would cease to exist, but he was feverish enough with each lick into my mouth where I knew no matter what, he would never be satisfied. He always wanted more, more, more. How foolish of me to believe it was because he could simply not get enough of me, not because I was not enough.

He was kind, showing me affection in ways he swore would only ever be for me. He decorated his walls with love letters and Polaroids of us, of me. He had stacks of our adventures in an old shoebox under his bed for when I was away and he was missing me. He reminded me everyday how much he adored me. Counting down the seconds until he could hold me in his arms. He promised me it was a feeling that nobody else could ever give him. A heart rush that only ever came over him when my name was involved.

So why does he look at her that way? Why must his eyes carry the same shimmer of lust in them that he once held for me? I see the way his hands grip at her hips, her thighs. It’s animalistic in a way, primal. He wants her, needs her. He’s hers.

I remember the night I discovered their secret. My lover and my sister hand in hand one late June night. I stood still on the grass watching over them. My tears came out dry. I couldn’t even try and sob, let myself break. With his leaving just months ago, I’d already rung myself dry of any tears I had left.

It’s funny how something that once made you feel special can make you feel so sick so suddenly. What once gave me a reason for my living killed me so suddenly.

I knew I was always destined to die, to burn out and disappear. I never imagined how it would’ve happened at the hands of the two I trusted the most in my life. Looking up at the moon that night, I prayed to forget, to heal so suddenly. Rid me of the ache in my heart and replace it with a cold emptiness.

He holds her while she sits in my spot on the couch. She laughs at the jokes I told him that now spew from his lips. Her hands find home in his hair and the towel we once shared as become theirs. It’s all reused, it’s the same. He makes her feel special, wanted, lusted after. He’s a damn good actor, he fools the whole damn world with his cruel games.

Now I know better than anyone that when calling him mine, I must use it loosely. At some time, he might have been. The photos I tear up in my room are only proof of our years spent together. Two summers spent doting on each other. He was with me, but could I call him mine? If he left so easily, did he ever even need me? Want me?

I hold the final photo in my hands, the moon shines down on us. We’re only young in the photograph. His cheek is pressed to mine, our smiles touch. We look so free, so happy. I feel guilty if I were to rip it up when it still feels so happy.

Grabbing a pin from the bedside table, I poke it into the wall beside my mountains of other places and people I’ve seen. It sticks out, like it’s been highlighted in bright red. It stings to look at, but it reminds me of a better time, a time when I believed I had the ability to have good things.

Now I know, nothing in this world belongs to me. Not my baby, not my sister’s loyalty. Not my mother, not my brother. I have no control over anything. Yet, each time I allow myself to believe that I do. That I mean something. I pay a price for the immaturity of my heart. I act a fool over the smallest affections, the most discrete love. And I watch as each time it is taken away, leaving me with a heavy chest and a heart far too full for my body. Nothing in this world is mine for free. Nothing in this world belongs to me but my love, mine all mine.

[samgirl98]

Mending a Family 46/?

Prev | Next

Talia oversteps her place but still tries; Jason has no idea how to feel about his mom

Talia sipped her tea as Jason stared at her. He still had no idea why she was here.

Thankfully, Danny was at school when Talia appeared on their doorstep. Jason couldn’t help but feel tense when he saw her. Jazz had taken over and made a pot of tea so that mother and son could drink something relaxing while they stared each other down. Jason took a few sips of tea before the silence got to him.

“Why are you here, Talia?”

Talia raised a manicured eyebrow, “A mother can’t visit her child?”

“You always want something, so I ask again: why are you here?”

Talia sighed and put her cup of tea down. Jason was too paranoid for his own good—a trait he had picked up from his father.

“I do want to spend time with you, Jason,” Jason snorted in disbelief, making Talia frown, “I’m worried about you.”

“And why, pray tell, are you suddenly worried about me? I’ve been answering your texts and calling you once a week.”

Talia tapped her nails against the table, unsure how to ask the following question without Jason getting angry. She sighed. Talia might as well get it over with.

“I heard a little bird came to visit you. Does that mean you’re ready to return to your father and his family?”

“You’re spying on me?” Jason asked. He got up suddenly, making the chair fall behind him; his eyes were glowing green.

Talia shrugged, “I ensure my children are fine, even if they don’t like it.”

Jason was fuming. How dare she? How dare she? This was one of the reasons he didn’t want to contact Bruce; he wanted to live his life with his family without fear of being watched and judged. Unfortunately, Talia was doing precisely what Bruce would’ve done.

“You’re gonna call off your spies, or I’m going to leave and disappear so thoroughly you’ll never catch wind of me or my family again,” Jason threatened in a low voice.

“Do not threaten your mother, Jason.”

Jason’s fist hit the table, making the teacups rattle.

“Call off your guard dogs!”

Talia stared at Jason, trying to get a read of her eldest. His eyes were glowing, and there was a manic look behind them. The tea in the cups was boiling, and Jason’s hair was smoking. She knew her son wasn’t playing around, and while she didn’t doubt her ability to find him, she didn’t want him running from her the same way he was running from Bruce.

She nodded, “Fine, it pains me not to know how you and your family are doing, but since you do not like it, I will call off my people.”

Jason glared at her, trying to find out if she was lying. He didn’t feel any untruth in her words, so he nodded and sat back down.

“You shouldn’t have done it in the first place, T. I’m not one of your soldiers to be spied on. If there’s something I want to tell you, I will; if not, you suck it up and get used to not knowing every little detail of my life like every other parent out there with grown-ass children.”

Talia’s mouth twitched, the only emotion she showed.

“I apologize, habibi, for overstepping my boundaries. I will endeavor not to do so again.”

“Whatever,” Jason grumbled.

“How is Daniel?”

“Like if you don’t know already.”

Talia sighed and took a sip of tea. She frowned at the bitter taste. The leaves had burned.

“I apologize once more, habibi.”

Jason took a deep breath, “Danny’s fine. He’s about to finish the school year. There’s an end-of-the-school-year festival that he’s excited about. He will pass the grade with the highest score in his class.”

“Daniel is a smart boy. His potential is limitless.”

Jason tensed. It almost felt like Talia was talking about a potential warrior rather than a grandmother praising her grandson.

“Relax, Jason, you do not wish to bring Daniel into the League’s world. I understand and, as his father, respect your wishes. I am merely stating a fact. His potential is limitless.

Jason slowly relaxed. Talia could lie with the best of them, but she hadn’t technically lied to Jason directly.

“There is another reason I came here.”

And Jason was tensing again.

“Habibi,” she admonished, “stop thinking the worst of me. I only wish to give you and your family a trinket.”

“It isn’t a weapon, right,” he asked warily, the kris in the safe mocking him.

“No, I understood your message the first time loud and clear. I merely wish to give you and your family jewelry.”

Talia took out a beautiful wooden box Jason was sure was an antique. She opened it, and in the box were two necklaces and two bracelets. One necklace was on a thick, long chain. The other was a thin, delicate one that was more like a choker than a necklace. The bracelets were small, clearly for a child’s wrist.

What truly caught Jason’s attention were the round, shining green pendants on each piece—the color of the Al Ghul family.

“Talia, what is this?”

Talia touched her necklace with a similar pendant on it.

“If you don’t want to accept it, I understand. These pieces will undoubtedly tie you to the Al Ghul’s—to me. However, I couldn’t not ask, at least. I wish to make you my son in more ways than just a statement. I want to adopt you into my family. Make you one of my heirs.”

Jason opened his mouth to protest.

“Not as an heir to the Demon’s head or for the League, but as my heir. As an heir to my businesses, my money, mine. Not to my father’s kingdom and goods,” she hit her chest, “but to mine. You are my son, and I wish to make it legitimate. I know you are hiding from your father, so I can’t do it through other means except the League’s way.”

“I wish for your family also to be my family. I wish to have Daniel as a grandson. I wish Jasmine to be a member of my family, and hopefully, in the future, I wish to form bonds with her so that she may one day be my daughter.”

“Of course, this is all up to you and them. I know you consider me a mother, but even if you don’t want to make it official, I will not stop considering you my son.”

Jason picked up the necklace he knew was made for him.

“You just admitted to spying on me. You want me as your possession, not as your son.”

Talia touched Jason’s cheek, “Habibi, I am not the best mother. I do not make cakes or kiss wounds to stop the hurting, but my children are my children, and I will always love them fiercely. You are not a possession. I worry about you like I worry about Damian, but I always do my best to respect my children’s wishes.”

Jason stared at the necklace.

“You are your own person, and whatever you decide to do, I will support or guide you however I can.”

Jason didn’t say anything and put the necklace around his neck. It didn’t feel like a nuke like he thought it would. Somehow, it felt warm. He knew Talia had her flaws, but she was trying, at least. Besides, it was nice to have one parent by his side.

“I can’t guarantee the others will want to become your family, but you can ask.”

 “Thank you, habibi, for opening your family up for me.”

____

That night, Jason stared at the pendant. No one else had accepted Talia’s gifts, but the woman didn’t look mad or discouraged. She thanked them for listening to her and took the jewelry back with the promise that they would always be there.

A part of Jason was sad that his new family had rejected his mother, but he didn’t blame them. They barely knew Talia, and what little they had seen didn’t leave a good impression. Still, Jason was glad to have one parent back, at least.

He fell asleep feeling warm.

Talia is such a complicated character, but I love her. Sorry if you don't like this chapter because of her, but I just had to write it. Jason deserves at least one parent, dammit.

[nightside-of-siberia]

Blood On My Hands Like The Blood In You

Pairing: Agatha x Reader Request: yes (by anon) Prompt: here Words: 1,126

AO3 Version

“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” you hear her sing, bright and light and lilting. You frown, head tilting as your hands flex anxiously against your thighs. The bookshelf you’re hiding behind can’t be seen from the hall - there’s a corner and two more bookshelves in the way - but that doesn’t have to mean that you can’t still fear that, somehow, in some way, Agatha might be able to do exactly that.

After all, she's already tracked you halfway around the world, so what good would any of the rest of this shit be?! She's also already rampaged her way through the rest of Kamar-Taj, so it’s only going to be a matter of time before she ends up in here.

Mere feet away from you.

You have nowhere else to go, though. There’s only one way in or out of the library, and it’s currently blocked by a shattered mess of splinters that once used to be a rather ornate set of intricately hand-carved doors. They’d always felt a bit out of place to you - they should’ve been in a museum, not separating a library out from a corridor barely wide enough for two people to walk side by side - though you suppose it doesn’t really matter now that there’s going to be no one left to argue about this with once Agatha finally gets around to finding and doing gods knows what to you.

Your heart sinks a little in your chest, you eyes glazing over as ice cold tendrils of dread, of tired resignation and bone deep hopelessness begin to slither their way through your veins. Your ears are ringing to the beat of the footsteps echoing in the corridor, and there’s a hint of chalkiness to the wood dust settling upon your tongue. Blood, slick and sharp and tangy, stings at the sensitive insides of your nostrils, daring you to sneeze in revolt as calloused fingertips trace out a featherlight path along the edge of your jaw -

You blink. Grey eyes stare back at you as pale lips stretch out into a smile that could only be described as positively deranged. A shiver rushes down your spine, but you don’t dare recoil away from her and the glimmer of madness currently dancing within the depths of those expressive - and, once upon a time, beautiful - grey eyes.

“Well, look-ee here,” Agatha croons, a delighted lilt to her voice as she looks you over with a careful, appraising eye, “you’re all safe and sound, now, aren’t you?”

You swallow, nod, feel the knot in your belly grow. It’s not very often that Agnes manages to reassert herself, but - if anything - that just serves to make her arrival all the more ominous. “I am,” you say, a shrill, fearful trill colouring the back end of your words as you try desperately to mask your fear with a feigned mask of relief, “so, um, what do we do now?”

Dark curls tumble forth to dance lightly across a cheek made almost rigid by the fragmentary red-black remains of the dried blood clinging to her skin. “Why, we go home, of course!”

Your heart sinks. “Of course,” you repeat, pray that she doesn’t notice the dull, lifeless edge to your voice as she pulls you to your feet with a bright, gleeful enthusiasm that you’ve long since lost the ability to replicate, “to home we go, then.”

Agnes smiles, wide and toothy and a tad bit unsettling as she weaves her fingers through yours. “I’m glad they weren’t able to brainwash you into accepting their delusional little speel about heroes and villains,” she says, her voice soft and welcoming even as her fingers tighten almost painfully around your own, “it’s a little reductive, don’t you think?”

You nod, unsure of whether the words that’ll come out of your mouth will be the ones you wanted to come out of it. Thankfully, Agnes only hums with content satisfaction, seemingly oblivious to the deeper implications of your silent answer as she turns away, tugs lightly on your hand in what is clearly meant to be a, ‘follow me’ gesture. You sigh, quiet and unseen, as you obediently fall into step behind her.

You head turns, eyes dancing over everything as she leads you from the library - the remnants of the doors have been blown free from their previous resting place, likely as a way to facilitate Agnes’ (or Agatha’s, depending on when, exactly, the personality change took place) entry into the space - and out into the central training yard.

Horror turns your blood to ice in your veins as your stomach turns with revulsion. Torn and sundered bodies litter the ground around you as rivers of still liquid blood continues to ooze their way through the gaps and grooves that exist in and around the cobblestones beneath your feet. The smell of death, of crackling flames and melting fat tickling at the inside of your nose as the sting of smoke and burning bodies presses itself up against the back of your throat.

You blink, feel a tear trickle down your cheek as the world grows blurry around you. “What have you done?!” you breathe, any hope of maintaining some sort of façade now melting away as you pick out face after familiar face, “what did they do to deserve any of this?!”

You’re distantly aware of Agnes' thumb sliding lightly across the back of your hand in what is likely meant to be a soothing gesture -

“They were trying to keep me from you.”

You swallow, feel sweat begin to gather under your arms and in the palms of your palms. “What if I asked them to do that?”

Agnes tilts her head, looks at you curiously as something dark, predatory and downright dangerous flashes in her eyes. Your stomach drops, dread washing over you like a tsunami over an unprotected city as, in a voice all light and airy and innocent, she asks, “now, why would you need to do something like that?! I would never hurt you!”

Bile burns at the back of your throat. You swallow it back, push the rebuttals away, feel the suffocating cage you’d fought so hard to escape swing shut around your chest once again as you concede with a smile and say, “no, of course you wouldn’t.”

A smiles spreads across Agnes’ lips. “Good girl,” she purrs, and air of proud contentment oozing from every part of her as she pulls you in towards her, wraps her arms around your waist, “home?”

You nod, numb and reluctant, mumble, “yeah - ‘home’,” as the magic begins to swirl - slowly, at first, then all at once until there’s nothing left to see but clouds of purple-black and scraps of vibrant red fabric -

[cinnbar-bun]

Peaceful Rest

Pairing: Marth x Alear/Reader

Rating: G

Words: 1025

Summary: It has been many years since they had fallen asleep. Marth continues to wait for them, hoping to be reunited with them again. He thinks of them and muses on their relationship. The best he can do for them right now is comfort them to the best of his abilities.

Notes: No major spoilers, nothing crazy at all just Marth wanting them to wake up. It's GN, they're not named, and no physical descriptions of their body is written, so feel free to imagine you, Alear, or your OC if you want. Marth for real the true relationship in Engage lmao.

Can be found on my AO3 right here!

Marth doesn’t know how to comfort them as they rest. He thinks of all the things they had gone through and the incredible pain they had suffered. 

Normally, one would complain about being stuck in this situation, but Marth was a gracious man. He did his best to see the good in everyone and everything, regardless of what was going on. 

He knew they would miss many years of their life, and, admittedly, he too lost track of how many years he had been waiting for them to wake up once more. But that was alright. He had grown to care for and enjoy their company from when they were awake. Even now, their bond was still close enough for him to want to make them feel better. 

Here, he was close enough to notice their brows twitching slightly, as well as a small frown on their face. A sign they were troubled in their sleep. While it was unbecoming of someone of his ranking, he cast that notion aside and stretched his hand to lightly caress their head. 

Marth honestly didn’t know if they could even feel him like that, but their face softened considerably. He assumed that even as a spirit, their bond made their connection more physical than what would have previously allowed. 

With all these assumptions and unsure thoughts in his head, he began to speak again to their dreaming form. He called out their name, like one does to a friend. Or, perhaps, something closer? He hadn’t figured that out yet. All he could know was that he yearned for them to wake up and open their eyes. 

“I wonder what you dream about,” he thoughtfully says. “Do you dream of your memories? Do you dream of the future? Why do you look so afraid of what you see?” 

Well, he has an inkling of an idea why that is, but he wants to confirm it only through their words. 

“Am I there, too? I know, it’s selfish of me to ask, but I wonder if you think of me by your side.” 

He sighs and continues to stroke their head. They remain as still as a statue to his questions. 

“It’s a beautiful evening outside. I think you would have loved it. The stars are just coming out and the sky is full of color. It… it reminds me of you.” 

No response. No movement. 

He’s used to it by now. But he won’t give up no matter how long he must wait. 

“Queen Lumera stopped by. She prayed for you to awaken soon and then she introduced the third steward to take care of you. She’s a funny woman but she has an eye for detail. She started arranging flowers for you, saying they’ll ease your worries in your sleep. I think maybe she is right. You look more peaceful than before.” 

He gazes down at their form, that bittersweet emotion rising within him once more. He knows he should let them rest, that he should let them be- but a selfish part of him wants to see them lively again. He would love to train by their side and listen to their voice. 

Gods, how he would give anything to hear them talk again. 

He truly did not understand how he had taken every little thing about them for granted when they were awake. 

Their eyes, their smile, their laugh, the excited lilt in their voice when they saw something sparkly, and the way they would show all their emotions on their face. 

Seeing them so quiet, so unnaturally still, made him realize just how much they had imprinted themself onto his psyche. If there was anyone he wished to defend and fight for again, it would be them. He would single handedly face an army of thousands in order to see their smile one more time. 

He removed his hand from their head and placed it by his own self. He felt so weak in this situation. Here he was, a powerful hero-king who couldn’t even help the one he cared for so dearly. And here he was, a man who had missed the comfort his partner had brought him. 

But he had to steel himself. He couldn’t falter, nor could he give in to despair. He would wait for them as long as he needed to, even if the world would be destroyed by then. He would wait forever and be the first to greet them as a new dawn approached. 

He gently placed his hand over theirs, and recited a quiet prayer that he had heard the other worshippers say when they saw his partner. 

“I hope my words are reaching you. I will always be by your side. I will come running to you the minute you call out my name. Please rely on me again. Because I… I am truly weak without you.” 

A heavy weight was lifted off his shoulders as he continued. 

“I hope your rest is a lovely one. I hope that when you wake up, we can continue to grow even more alongside each other. I hope that I can ease your worries while you are asleep, so you can live the life you truly wanted when you awaken. We made a promise to one another before and I intend to help you achieve all your dreams, if you’ll allow me that chance.” 

He closed his eyes and let out of a quiet breath he didn’t know he was holding. He quietly whispered their name. 

“I will do my best to support you, dear,” he smiled, keeping these intimate feelings brief. There was so much more he wished to say, but he felt it would be wrong to continue when they were unable to respond to him. 

So, just like the many years before, he would wait for them and give them some comfort while they were resting. He would ease their fears and worries, and make way for pleasant dreams for them to think about. He couldn’t wait to hear all about them when they woke up. 

It would be the best day ever, in his eyes.

[mxhirus]

As someone with a "platform", I feel the need to speak out about this. I think the censorship of media on TikTok related to Palestine is insane. Like, I rarely ever see anything about it on TikTok anymore, and I found out it's because they apparently tend to censor or block out certain trigger words (and I figure Palestine is one of them). When I do hear about it, words like "Watermelonia" is used as a substitute.

Another thing I feel the need to point out is that not many people really talked about Israel's Eid 2021 surprise, bombing. The sky was practically ablaze with how many bombs they shot out onto the innocent people of Palestine, and it's disgusting. It's disgusting how long this has been going on. It's been around 75 years (correct me if I am wrong) since this conflict began. As Ramadan is arriving soon, it's becoming more and more apparent that the people of Palestine will not be able to experience a peaceful Ramadan because Israel keeps coming back for more every singular year. Astaghfirullah, It's absolutely abhorrent.

What's going on in Palestine is a genocide, and we, as human beings with basic emotional intelligence, empathy, and capacity, have the ability to do something about it. The fact that anyone would do something against it is completely beyond me. I pray for Palestine everyday, as this is absolutely tragic. My heart will always go out to them for the tragedies they are taking on. Palestine is incredibly strong to be handling this, and so are its people.

That being said, here's a good resource I discovered while on Twitter. arab.org is a website in which all you have to do to help out is click a button. It's great for people who can't afford to donate or are unsure as to how they can support Palestine. A link to an article below on what's going on in Palestine is also provided, since some people might not be caught up (surprisingly, seeing how so much has happened already).

[iamluzgar]

I finally finished FFXIV Dawntrail and I have many many thoughts about it. So, spoilers, and bare with me.

I had a lot of troubles to get into it at first, but I always feel that way for much of the extension I've played so it didn't change much. I pushed through, and I'm glad I did. I loved the theme of discovering new people and cultures to get to know them, and to like them. Which was an ongoing thing.

I liked Wuk Lamat a lot as a character. She's a bit immature, but she has a lot of potential, as you say to Gulool Ja. Loved having Thancred and Urianger against me for a change, especially in that dungeon. I got into it more and more, wanting Wuk Lamat to succeed because there were many hints showing she would do well (like for example with the bandits, I saw another post on tumblr mentioning it, but she directly thought about a system failiure problem, rather than thinking the people were bad). She adapted herself to the best of her ability to the culture she met with an open mind, even when she was afraid, unsure or disagreed with it. The VA did a fantastic job imo for her voice.

Of course the rest of the gang was here too and it was incredible. I loved how Erenville finally got the spotlight he so deserved. I wasn't a fan of Krile, but now I do like her and that's the power of FFXIV imo.

Anyway, the first part was great, and it was an important part because the WoL can finally indulge in some "selfish" actions like battling big dudes, deities, eating stuff, traveling, meeting people, doing the good old Azem and I think they'd be proud. The game keeps pushing you Emet, from what he said to you on the last expansion, and I liked that, it keeps him alive. I obviously missed Venat, Hythlodaeus, Elidibus and Emet a lot from this expansion, so it was nice to have some mentions of them. However, especially with the second part of the game, you realize how the shadow of the Ascien still fly above us and all of the reflections. Because I am persuaded they had a hand in the creation of electrope and the key.

The second part was even greater. It started weak with the Western like stuff (I'm not a fan of that and it felt like post-MSQ quests), but then it really starts: not only it brings back stakes (because... Well, I laughed when people made Valigarmanda a "big threat", considering we killed Despair a few months ago in the game), but it also is a pay off from the first part. You grew attached to Wuk Lamat, to Tuliyollal and its people. And now they're in danger.

Which brings us to New Alexandria, with its strange culture of pushing away death. The whole part with Alexandria felt like a metaphore from our own real world. We too, tend to push death away, put people dying away from society and from our eyes, forget them. It really resonated with my experience, especially considering I've been a volunteer in palliative care for a year. The whole thing of accepting death is a main topic in this second part of the game.

We brushed a bit too fast over the identity issues Zoraal Ja felt, I feel, sadly. I wish we could have had a bit more to humanize him.

Then the last zone... It truly touched my soul. We do the exact opposite thing that we did in Endwalker. In Endwalker, we started from nothing, we added music, colors, we reanimated species from death. In Dawntrail, we "turned off" people, we removed the colors and the songs from the places we were visiting. It was powerful to observe it, doing a different kind of walk, maybe even a harder one. Idk for WoL, but it was harder for me. Because we were still "killing" people, and we can only sympathize with Sphene's desires to let her people live more, whatever the cost of it. We hope and pray there might be another way for everybody to be happy.

It brings me back to palliative care in the real world. This world Sphene created, was a metaphor for therapeutic obstinacy and the artificial prolongation of life. At some point, there is nothing you can do, and you have to "pull the plug". You have to say good bye. To your own family, to your friends, to people you knew more or less. What's left of them then? All the memories you had with them, and that's it, and as the Yok Huy's philosophy, they kinda live through you that way.

Contrary to Meteion, our action of killing the people in that zone was not born of desperation of not being able to save them, but from an acknowledgement that this artificial prolongation of life is no longer sustainable, it will give more pain and will sacrifice ressources that could be given to people who still have a chance to continue living. At some point, when there is no chance to sustain a life, we need to make peace with the fact that it's over. That death is a part of life, and might always be. The next day always happen, with a beautiful sunset, new lives, new hopes, new stories, and new adventures, with new people. It's an end, but it's not the end.

As someone who lost my mom when I was a teenager, it was comforting to see those moms having so much hope, love and pride for their children. I could hear my own mom through them. We see a lot of moms, and we have to say good bye to a lot of them, and that was difficult. I both hate and like the fact that FFXIV has a tendency to kill moms or otherwise important female caretaking figures. :( They displayed a lot of different relationships between family members regarding their future death, and that was also interesting. Family, in the large sense of it, was a very big topic of this expansion.

On a gameplay part, I loved almost everything. They upped up the difficulty a notch, and it was perfect. I love how they made new ways of seeing AoE while also still making it clear it's an AoE. Very good ideas there. Loved the last two dungeons.

I was not a fan of the music this extension, but well nothing is perfect. I'm not a fan of FFIX and obviously a lot was taken from it.

Hope that didn't bore you out!

TL;DR Incredible writing as usual.

[iceskatingmobsters]

so. ffxiv classes for Outer Wilds characters? I am interested

you ever accidentally leave something in your drafts for like a week? anyways, it appears you have activated my trap card--

this is a VERY incomplete list because I'm in between classes for a lot of them. everyone gets a dps and support class so party composition can be shuffled around (because thinking abt party dynamics is half the fun). this is gonna be disjointed as hell bear with me and under a read more because it got LOOOONG. spoilers below ye have been warned

Feldspar: your honor this is a dragoon and I refuse to take any other answer. as for a support class, they're definitely a tank and I can preeeeetty much see them going any tank that isn't paladin but I lean dark knight personally -- the invuln in particular sells it for me, more than warrior's even, because you refuse to die and THEN heal yourself back to full. very self sufficient but still needs help from the party. still can very much see them as a warrior (who needs a healer when you have bloodwhetting) or gunbreaker (superbolide is an objectively funny ability and my brain can't let go of the image of feldspar panic-bolide-ing)

Slate: the easy answer is machinist and gunbreaker and I'm going with that. with all the stupid stuff that machinist gets in its later levels ESPECIALLY like you get a flamethrower and multiple attack automatons it's practically tailor-made for slate "my autopilot throws you into the sun but it's functioning so I'm using it" outerwilds. gunbreaker I'm less sure about for lore reasons but I do know that should Slate go gunbreaker they superbolide maliciously (gossan refuses to heal if slate is tanking). can also see them going black mage or warrior as well

Gossan: I had a hard time pinning them down to be honest!! I've mostly settled on sage/ninja. NIN is flashy but not as much as dragoon is, plus it's more precise than DRG's "jump in the middle of the pack with a trail of fire and pray." also, trick attack/mug I rest my case. could also see them swinging monk because iirc monk has more overall party buffs (possibly red mage but my brain insists they're melee). as for sage this was more of a process of elimination -- I wanted them to be a barrier healer but I didn't think scholar fit them. sage's multitasking "do damage to heal" also Fits in my head for whatever reason

Hornfels: astrologian/red mage. they keep the observatory of COURSE they're an astro! the entire job quest is about awakening your abilities through observation of the stars! I also like the idea of them being a pure healer vs gossan's barrier healing but this is just to service the "slate healchecks the party with superbolide" joke. red mage because it's got so much party utility and Hornfels Is A Mage (black mage Hornfels would be very funny though considering black mage/thaumaturgy lore I'm not sure they'd go that route. summoner maybe, but again, considering lore eehhhhh unsure if Hornfels would like to square up with bahamut any time soon. most hinged member of owv)

Esker: my s.o who loves esker dearly is 100% convinced Esker is a blue mage which is very good considering it's a limited class but in the context of "everyone is actually in eorzea" I myself think they'd go for summoner and a tank (I'm leaning warrior). despite the summoner class quests once you actually do square up with various monsters and primals it gets pretty relaxed from there, and that fits prettty well -- esker did a lot of scary work getting the moon base up and running, and now they're kinda vibing, even if it does mean that the others esp. the newer owv members forget the work they put in (hey remember when summoner had a five-minute/sixty skill opener???). tank, specifically warrior because... ok forgive me but you know the end of bloodborne when gehrman gets up from the chair? That's Esker

Gabbro: they're a bard. quintessential full stop bard. like bard barely has a real rotation you just hit your procs as they light up and the later class quests are "one of your two job tutors and the one that is ACTUALLY A BARD fucks off to do smth stupid and unrelated and comes back with something useful and poignant, somehow" hi hello COME ON. I'm putting their support class as tank but I feel like they pretty much go bard exclusively. if they do tank I initially thought paladin but maybe they get DRK rights after being stuck in a time loop idk. that's probably enough angst to awaken an Esteem if gabbro decides to unpack that (they won't)

Riebeck: scholar scholar scholar it's perfect considering how archaeology-focused the SCH quest line is. Riebeck also deserves a cute lil fairy friend please give this fish eos they deserve a break!! as for THEIR dps class they have to be ranged, no way in hell Riebeck is getting within five ft of Thing That Wants To Kill Us. they're probably either bard or red mage (RDM being the relative Sanest magic dps option though good luck convincing them to Actually Do their melee combo). they'd be a shoe in for MNK since its questline is also about restoring a lost offensive art but, again, not brave enough for that ;; (though that would be a beautiful lil self conatined character arc, going from bard to red mage to monk as they get more confident and braver)

Chert: 100% astro they wear a scarf embroidered with the stars. this also furthers my "hornfels as chert's mentor" agenda (that I really wish I saw more of YES I have wips about it). also it's got lovely angst potential considering astrologians are supposed to divine the future from the stars : ^) I'm pretty sold on chert going monk for its themes of discipline, and because despite its scrappy beginnings, it's also a pretty precise class. could also see them as samurai considering how seriously that class takes itself (at least in its first four or five questlines, I've only got it to 59 yet oops). chert absolutely gets Melee Rights tho

Hatchling: omniclass they get to do whatever they want LOL no, actually, in all seriousness I have them as a PLD -> DRK and reaper. the reaper choice is based on the newest dungeon where you get some lore about a former I think garlean settlement that gave rise to reapers for defence purposes (they were farmers that basically made deals with demons to protect their home from demons iirc) and the nomai could absolutely fuckin stand in for that, so it makes a sort of poetic sense that the hatchling would pick that up after them. PLD to DRK for the same reasons as Gabbro but the hatchling sure does unpack all that

As for the other villagers, I only have four that I have solid ideas for right now. Gneiss is a bard/white mage, Hal is a scholar (there is a part of me that wants to make them a black mage as well since black mage invents new spells all the goddamn time and definitely not because I'm a blm/sch,) Rutile is a paladin, and Porphy is a white mage/dancer (did you know that NIN is really high on the dance partner priority list?? :3c) it'd make more sense for the villagers to be disciples of the land/hand exclusively -- gneiss as a carpenter, porphy as a botanist, spinel as a fisher (lol), hal as probably an alchemist -- but this is already a crack crossover and I'm making the rules so everyone gets a disciple of war/magic even if they wouldn't need one

for party compositions and dynamics I will be brief bc this is so long already but light party one would be feldspar and gossan as DPS, hornfels as healer, and slate as tank OR feldspar as tank, slate and hornfels as DPS, and gossan as healer. light party 2 used to be Esker as tank, gabbro and chert as DPS, and riebeck as healer/esker and riebeck as DPS, gabbro as tank, and chert as healer (though the second config happens rarely). full party would be prooobably esker and slate on tank, riebeck and hornfels healing, and the rest on DPS. once the hatchling is trained they take esker's place -- esker is enjoying their quasi-retirement from adventuring for the most part but misses it sometimes and will step in to fill as necessary.

...oh god I have so many dark knights what happened--

[lovecomesin]

31 Birthday Wishes

As I prepare to embark upon my 31st birthday I wanted to take the time to be especially intimate with myself. I am so proud of how far I am come and I look forward to all the places I still have yet to go. This is the last moments of my 30th years of life and I can say I truly spent my 30th year being selfish in the way that I have always deserved. I plan to keep this up. As I enter 31 I look forward to my future as a single woman. Alone if you will. There was a time when the word “alone” was hurtful to me because I once believed that my solitude was a direct reflection of myself. I could have never been more wrong. Solitude is a beauteous thing that is vital to a happy and successful life. I am alone but I am not lonely in the slightest. After everything that happened once I began to speak as an adult and put childish things away I was unsure how to navigate life as an adult. I didn’t know what life would or could look like for me specifically. And by the grace of God I have found My Way. I trust in my ability to be a lone individual who is capable of getting things done all by myself for myself. It’s a refreshingly intoxicating feeling to know that you hold the power to see your dreams come true in real time. God has wiled it so. My journey has taught me that I can and should rely on myself because with God I can do all things through the strength that he gives me. It is my testimony that I have made it out and I am at peace with everything. My heart and mind are clear and I hold no ill will towards anyone. I look forward to 31 with love, happiness, faith and joy for all to come. I Thank the Lord for allowing me to see another day where there is another opportunity for me to grow into the best version of myself. I aspire to continue on this journey of truly loving myself so that I may be a better lover to myself as well as others. I pray that the Lord allows me to continue to navigate my life with him at the head and peace in my heart. I look forward to all the new relationships and friendship that are to come. I pray for all I used to know and all I still do know and pray that you have mercy on our souls and keep us safe if your arms Lord God. Thank you for allowing me to experience this beautiful moment as I type these words to myself now. I remember there was a time when all I wanted was to change be different and feel different. I love myself just as I am, past and present. I release myself from people, places, spaces, mindset, behaviors etc. that no longer serve me and I welcome all the new and wonderful possibilities that are to come. This year is even more personal for me and I am so excited to be able to celebrate myself and relax. I will be spending my 31st birthday out of the country by myself and I look forward to this trip. It’s a small step into the direction of independent that I look forward to. I do still desire to experience healthy romantic love and make new friends and I trust that God will continue to supply all my needs, wants and every desire. “Maybe right now, your journey isn’t about love. Maybe right now, your journey is about being alone. Maybe this is the season you are being challenged- to learn how to wake up in the middle of the bed to finally find hope in the vacancy, to finally find hope in the quiet, hope in the way you stretch into your life and give yourself permission to take up space within it. Maybe right now, you are being shown- that you can take care of yourself, that you can depend on the person you have become, that you can be your own home no matter what comes your way. I write this letter to you merely days before your birthday to let you know that I am always with you Ebony. I am your home and you are mine. I stand with you and support you. I love you with all my heart and will do right by you at every step for as long as I shall live. Happy Birthday my dear sweet Ebony. It is with love, admiration and grace that I wish you all the best and more. I will love you until forever ends, until then, later baby.

[christianfamilymatters]

The Choice Is Yours

The Choice Is Yours

By Claire Jennings

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! —Philippians 4:4 NLT

I remember watching as my 10-year-old niece attempted a penalty kick in her soccer game. There wasn’t much time left on the clock, and the game was tied 3–3. She jogged a few steps, kicked the ball, and made it just over the goalie’s head. We all screamed and ran around like crazy people! The joy on my niece’s face as things went exactly how she wanted them to go is now a memory our family talks about all the time.

Would that moment have looked different had she missed the goal? Absolutely. Sometimes things don’t go how we hope for them to, or we miss the goals we are aiming for with all our strength. And if we’re honest, joy seems nowhere to be found within those moments.

I once heard a pastor say, “Joy is often the determined choice to praise God.” This tells me that while joy is sometimes felt, more often, joy is a choice. It goes beyond a fleeting feeling in a positive moment. If you were to change the word joy into a verb, it would be the word “rejoice.” As believers, the Bible instructs us to choose to rejoice in the face of difficulty. Our response doesn’t simply “happen” to us; no, we have the divinely appointed ability to choose it.

Sometimes joy comes naturally, but other times we have to muster it up from deep within our souls and spirit. Joy stems from knowing who God is rather than who we are or what is going on around us. I remember telling a friend about an uncomfortable new season I was stepping into and not knowing which direction to pursue. She looked at me with a smile and said, “God is good! Aren’t transitions fun?” I smiled, and she prayed with me. I walked away from that moment, knowing I had desperately needed to hear my friend’s words. Through the power of the Holy Spirit inside of her, she found joy in difficult situations, and she was encouraging me to do the same. My friend taught me how to rejoice even when I felt so unsure about the future. She showed me how to look at my situation and choose joy.

I encourage you to dig deep today. Decide that today truly is the day the Lord has made, and you will rejoice and be glad in it (see Psalm 118:24). Fill in the blank of whatever circumstance you are facing and depend on God for the courage to rejoice in the face of it. The way to do this is by knowing and trusting who God is.

If you are struggling to find joy today, ask the Holy Spirit these questions and then write down the answers you hear:

Who is God?

How much does He love me?

Has He given me the strength to choose joy today?

Ask the Lord to help you, and be prepared to be amazed as you watch Him fill you with supernatural joy from the crown of your head to the tips of your toes.

Prayer

Lord, You are my source of joy. I know You care for me better than anyone else ever could. Thank You that I can always count on You. Help me to lean into the Holy Spirit and experience the joy that You so freely offer–even in moments when I don’t feel it. I know Your plans for me are good, and today I choose joy over the other feelings I am experiencing. I fix my eyes on You, and I rejoice in your faithfulness today! In Jesus’ name, Amen.

For Further Reflection

Find four Scriptures you can reference when you need joy and put them in an accessible place (lock screen on your phone, notecard on your bathroom mirror, etc.). The more you read and recite these verses, the more the truth of God’s Word will bring joy into your heart even when you don’t feel it.

Ask the Lord to help you find joy in the moments you need it each day. Declare joy over yourself, and watch the difference it makes in every area of your life.

[qualitywitchchaos]

I'm am but a Page In His Story.

I'm not a novel in the series he could write about his life.

If he started to write it, I wouldn't even qualify as a chapter...

I'd be a page.

A page strewn with question marks. Instead of love; confusion.

We have been together for two years, and we're still not on the same page as me. I would go so far to say that we weren't even in the same library. Not for a lack of trying.

He loves me. He loves me not.

The constant battle for acceptance and wanting love, but letting go because he's unsure whether he's capable of giving such a love to you.

You would do anything for him. In fact you have. For these past two years, that is all you have ever done.

However, he did not return those actions. The feelings you received were that of a friend, not a lover. Nothing more than a pat of the back for those depressing days and a side hug for those moments your vision would blur because your tears were blocking your ability to see the road ahead of you.

You carried your relationship on your shoulders because you loved him; but he didn't love you. He said the words you longed to hear but they were empty. They floated away in the air like a helium balloon were to be attached to each word, which carried them away in front of your eyes, into the vast heavens above. No weight visible to his words of love and commitment.

You'd die for him. Without hesitation. If it meant for him to live and be alright, you would die for him.

For you; he would consider such an act. He wouldn't jump in front of a bullet, pull you out of the way from a speeding car. He would stand still and think it over. Contemplating his options amidst his confusion.

Now is no different to then, because he has always loved someone else. That's why he can never love me fully. He can never treat me the way he treated her. He could never love me for who I am.

To him, I am an escape and a burden. I am and never will be; her.

He looks at me and compares me to her. He was there for her when no one else was, he would take care of her.

He is there for me, when he wants to be. I take care of myself.

He says he would like a future with me but, there's only so much track a train has to follow before it's the end of the line.

Leaving him, would break me completely. He, however: would be fine. Completely fine.

What to do? Break my heart or wait a while longer and it breaks anyway?

Would he change? Will he change?

I honestly wouldn't know. I can read people as if they were open books but, this man is sometimes hard to read. As though the pages are smudged with ink, or in a long forgotten language nobody, not even him  speaks anymore.

Therefore, the page he writes about me that I grasp in my white knuckled fists reads, "????????" and those are the only sounds I need to hear, to know that I should let go.

He cannot mean the words I long to hear pass his lips. When he calls my name it is a bitter sweet symphony of anguish and love.

Love.

Something he will never understand with me, nor anyone but her.

The impossible love. She cannot return to this world, she was taken too young, many years ago and so was he. He walks, he talks, but he died with her - holding her hand.

It makes sense to me as to why it's always so cold when he holds mine.

For tomorrow, I pray that he will love me.

For now, and the rest of time, I know that he will not.

[x-rambles]

June 15, 2023

I do not want to ruin my life.

I appreciate my attorney's advice, and of course, she's the expert. It would be best not to continue "pouring money" into this house without being clear.

The house did not appraise. This means I would have to give 15k...

There is so much on my mind and on my heart. I do not feel good living with my boyfriend. I do not want to live with a man who is unsure of me. I do not feel comfortable with his perspective of me. He's unsure, he has questions, and he.....I cannot focus on him. I wrote at the top of my journal, Why do I want to be married? It's an important question for me to reflect on.

Unfortunately, I know a big part of this is not wanting to spend time in "limbo" which in some ways is what my relationship feels like. I also don't feel good...I don't want to spend my birthday with him (again) I don't feel confident in his ability to make me feel special. Unfortunately, I just suspect that because of his view of me, as selfish, and not giving enough, makes him unable to give to me. Some of it can also be our differences, he may not see gifts in the same way. But I do feel that he used to be giving, and he's not anymore. Like--he's not thinking to do anything special for me, and also...his financial situation is very particular at the moment.

If I'm honest in so many ways my twenty-fifth year has been Hell. I pushed myself so hard, to do so many things. And I have done so many things. I'm proud to have a driver's license, a teaching license, and a new, higher-paying job, and I know that I will be proud to own a house too.

Even closing on a house where. I pull money out of my pocket and am left with barely any savings, I will be proud. It's crazy, these accomplishments, do not fill me up. These accomplishments do not make me whole. Yes, I grow, and I learn, but they do not make me love myself. I've pushed myself in such a big way, and I have not been taking care of myself as much as I intend to.

I remember talking to my friend once, I said the to-do list never stops growing. It's true. I genuinely feel that, when I get my house, I will focus on myself. I know for sure, I'll have to stay in my house most of the time. I want to journal, I want to pray, and I will invest in therapy (may have to put off French class) but therapy is a NEED.

I would rather deplete my house with these savings. I truly have faith that the money can come back. I have to believe I can get reliable enough tenants, who will pay their share. My alternative is spending A LOT on rent. If I don't move forward with the house I keep renting? Continuing to rent does not feel like an option. I love my apartment, I love all it's done for me, and I will miss it, but I have to move on.

I have to remember that refusing to continue renting is not ruining my life. My boyfriend thinks living together would be a good "test" he told his mom we'd see how it is, to "test" how we feel for each other. I am not a test. And he would view living together as a test. I do not want to ruin my life by leaving my apartment. My house still feels complete up in the air "there are aspects of real estate that nobody controls" and it's so easy to Would've, Should've, Could've--but if only I had more comfort zones in life. I was dealt my hand in life, and I could never pretend that the blessings and favor were not abundant,

Realistically my options look like:

-I move out of my apartment, save. the $$ living with my boyfriend, and soldier through this process for two months max, ending with much smaller savings and closing on my house. I will stress about my tenants, I will RUSH & JUGGLE to get things in order for tenants, and AirBnB (ASAP)--it may help move things along, and I'll PRAY by the time I'm in front of students, I'd be stable

I would still need to talk with my boyfriend about dividing money while living together.

-I move out of my apartment, save the $$ living with my boyfriend, shit hits the fan, it's weird and confusing, and I SOB because the deal dies. I pray gratitude that my deposit is returned, so my savings are still intact. I keep saving... I can talk with my boyfriend about how we'd have to divide $, I'd still be saving without rent, utility, and wifi Bills. I'd have to talk with myself--I cannot be a test. Do I requalify with this program in September? When do I decide to leave his home?

Either I close on the house, or I do not close on the house. But if I'm honest, the house is so perfect. I really feel in my heart that it's meant to be mine. I'm not compromising on anything with this house. My only compromise is sacrificing a big piece of my savings...

There are still negotiations, and I still have professionals working. on this. I'm overwhelmed, with all the shit going on, I am overwhelmed. I have so much shit I have to do, and yet, I feel very depressed. I'm not really able to do anything, not able to be productive...

I have never overwhelmed myself like this before in my life. But I know that I always work, I always do things. And at the end. of the day, a lot of these things, I lot of these requirements have a time clock on them...the time will pass either way.

There is a lot going on. When there's more information I'll be able to update. In 12 days, I will be 26 years old.

XoXo, C.

[worldinshadows]

I think what makes me sad is how everything simultaneously felt so avoidable yet unavoidable, especially near the end. 

I was at a point where I just wanted to feel like we were dating--just any semblance that we were dating. I wanted to feel happy talking to you or doing things with you. I wanted the looming clouds of conflict to peter away. I feel like I raised my concerns with you clearly as well as the importance behind those concerns. I outlined why this was important to me and reassured that after these clouds fade, I won’t require this type of reassurance any time soon. I understand some of my needs at the time were the opposite to what you needed for your independence--I was fully conscious of that and wanted to ensure that I will accommodate for them after feeling like we were still... something.

In that period of time, I truly felt like we were something akin to flatmates; however, as I said, it felt worse than that because you’d never talk to your flatmates the way you talked to me. You’d never feel as upset with them as you did with me. I wanted the ability to have a normal conversation with you without anxiety affecting either of us. I wanted to be able to connect with you and so desperately feel something from you that wasn’t animosity.

Maybe you didn’t realise how significant this was to me or how much arguments like the one we had at Little & Easy affected me. It truly crushed me. Imagine praying all this time for a sign that things will be better and I am greeted with an argument. I felt like my hope was weathering away alongside my happiness. I felt so lost and unsure of what to do. I just wanted to be happy. I wanted to be happy with you but after what transpired within a week of you coming back from a 3-week long vacation, I realised I had to choose between my happiness and the relationship.

Everything felt avoidable because I felt like we both knew what we needed. You needed space and independence, and I needed something that communicated that *we* were something. You needed empathy and reassurance; I needed empathy and reassurance. Yet, in the end, we both did not have our needs met. Maybe that’s just life and bad timing on both our ends. Maybe that’s just life.

[claumanlambus]

Bye 2022, Hello 2023!

Hi everyone! How time flies! It's already 2023! It’s so nice to see I was able to make two blog entries last year. I tried my best! Anyway, I just wanted to share my 2022 highlights because it's been such a wonderful year for me and my family! I wanna share how grateful I am for all of the blessings we received over the past year. I really felt optimistic that 2022 would be a good year for us and indeed it was! Even though it hasn't been really an easy year for us, I am still grateful.

It just feels surreal! I am still in awe of how things turned around for us in 2022. First, is my promotion as a Lead Trainer. I've been a Training and Content Developer since 2018 and I am actually unsure about my career path. I am somewhat considering going towards the leadership path but felt it's just not really something I wanna pursue for now because I don't want other responsibilities that would make me spend less time with my family or for my self. I was actually happy with my role but then I've been in that position for 4 years already and probably got too comfortable with it. That is why I tried working on more projects and helping out our team more. Being a Lead Trainer is the next best option for me since it’s a role where you don’t actually have people under your bucket yet but just working more on the analytics side of the whole Training Team. Luckily, out of all the other eligible candidates from my teammates, I was able to get the post. I am really thankful to my leaders for believing in my abilities and entrusting me with this position. Of course, I worked hard for it too, and prayed and hoped to get this because I know I will definitely learn new things and enjoy this role.

Another blessing we have received is for my partner. His long-awaited Bar Exams finally pushed through after waiting for two years! Xavier graduated from Law School in 2020 but the pandemic happened so it got postponed for quite a while! It's been a struggle because I’ve been the sole financial provider for our family ever since he resigned from his job last 2016 to focus on Law School and with the bar exams getting delayed, our plans for our family was greatly affected. I know, It was a significant risk we took and it’s a total struggle but we just hoped and trsuted that these sturggles will be worth it someday. I just can’t explain all the details because it will be a very long story, but glad we were able to survive. But of course, the waiting and the agony doesn't end when he took the bar exams. We were dreading about the results because that is a make or break for our future. But by God's grace, my partner passed the #BestBarEver and is now officially a lawyer! ♡

However, it hasn’t been all sunshines and rainbows for us. I know this one I'm about to share isn't something to celebrate but maybe God's reminder that despite all the achievements and blessings we received, we should not forget our loved ones who have been with us all throughout the things we have been through. We lost our first family dog, Ginger. Ginger is Xavier's gift for my 25th birthday that is why she is really special. She’s been with us for 7 years. The whole time while Xavier’s in law school. What makes it harder is we were out of town when she left us. Ginger has been the most loyal and strong out of all our dogs. Prior to Ginger we already lost 2 furbabies, Twix and Cali due to Ehrlichia. I can't help but blame myself because we've been so busy with other things that sometimes we tend to neglect our pets. It's so heartbreaking thinking that they deserve better but my partner and I have really tried to be a better furparent for them. But I guess that's just life. This made us feel we are not really ready to have pets in the meantime especially since our youngest child is still a toddler.

Despite the heartbreak we experienced in losing a pet, I guess it's just something we have to experience to be able to move on and be ready for the next phase of our lives. This is really something unexpected but we were finally able to get a place of our own. We got our own Condo! After years and years of renting, God finally answered our prayer.

Just a short story, Xavier and I decided to live together in 2014. Since we don't have the financial capacity yet to get a place of our own, we just rented. We have been renting for 8 years. In between, of course, we hoped and tried to look for our own place but just really can't because of our financial situation. The unit we got right now is something we've been eyeing since it was pre-selling I think around 2015 or 2016. You have no idea how bad I wanted to get a unit here because of the location, the amenities plus the unit size and layout are definitely way better than the other Condos we've seen online. But you know how things work. it won't always get in our way so I just kept on praying and hoping that someday we can finally get a unit here. Well, I guess God is really listening and got tired of how stubborn I am so he finally gave in. LOL! Just kidding! We just have to believe that great things take time. God probably just tested our faith and patience to see if we are ready and deserving of this.

We just trusted him and believed it will not always be struggles. I just can't believe how things are aligning for us at that time. Since Xavier can help me out with our finances because he finally got a job as a Lawyer, we were finally able to get our unit! and I am proud because this is something that we worked hard for on our own.

Here's a photo of our community from our balcony:

I had fun deciding what furniture and appliances we should get since our condo unit obviously has bigger space than our apartment. From choosing the curtains, pillows, decors, plants, and many more! I'm actually still not done decorating our interiors and still enjoying buying stuff for our home. That's my guilty pleasure right now! I guess that phase won't end anytime soon. We also celebrated our first Christmas and New Year here and I am already excited and looking forward to the next holidays, actually! Now, we have been here for 5 months. Turning 6 months by the end of January.

I am excited about what 2023 has in store for us. Hopefully, this will still be a good year for us. Of course, we will continue working hard for a much better future. I am excited to share more stories through my blog. Hoping that I could get more time to post this year.