#I literally got called into the office because the head of the program I was in was so blown away!

[mathewryf]

Okay I'm doing this to curb my impostor syndrome so...!

7 + 8 = 15, carry the 1, 2 + 4 + 1 = 7

7, 5, 75, that's three quarters. that'll get me 3 gumballs.

Wait I haven't seen a gumball machine in years.

Time for me to relive my experiences from that time for the next 2 hours in my head.

... yes that is seriously how my brain works.

[lizbethborden]

I think the point these people make is that thinking that Harris is better than Trump is an illusion. They're two sides of the same coin, funding cop cities, funding racist anti immigration programs, funding Israel's genocide in Gaza, spreading dangerous islamophobic antisemitic misogynistic etc rhetoric. Trump is just doing it in a vulgar style. Harris has been vice president for a while now and her administration has not undone much of the work of Trump, when it hasnt prolonged or amplified it. So I think lots of people are feeling defeated, disillusioned, and like they are being manipulated when the 'at least she's not Trump' argument is brought forth. If she's not Trump, but signs off on the same policies and budgets, and represses protests the same way, there is no difference on the ground. Also I think more people are becoming radicalized and hope for a global change - third party candidates, the people's revolution, whatever. It's a rejection of the establishment altogether rather than rejecting just one - I understand the frustration but I can't fault people who refuse to participate in a system that they feel is working against them regardless of the outcome.

I take issue with a lot of the framing of this response.

First of all, it's not Harris' administration; it's Biden's. I'm not going to argue she has no agency as a political actor, but the way the system works is that he is the central driver of action and policy. Arguing that she, personally, should have accomplished more is frankly silly, both when 1) they HAVE accomplished quite a lot and 2) where they have struggled to accomplish goals, it is often because of deadlocks in the legislative branch, where Republicans hold a majority in the House and Democrats only the slightest majority in the Senate (and considering one of their number is Joe Manchin, it kind of doesn't count).

To the point that they HAVE accomplished a lot:

Established the Office for Gun Violence Prevention and signed anti-gun violence legislation into law

Passed the Inflation Reduction Act, which has significant climate change and drug price provisions

Approved literal billions in debt relief for people with student debt, with still more to come

Signed an executive order to regulate AI usage and to scrutinize use of AI for potential discriminatory effects

Passed the Bipartisan Infrastructure Law, allocating over $400 billion for infrastructure works

Pushed protections for consumers re: airline travel and its exorbitant fees and delays, via DoT and Pete Buttigieg

Achieved a 3.5% unemployment rate, which is the lowest in 50 years

Harris also has, explicitly, called for a ceasefire in Gaza and in fact had her intended statements about the humanitarian crisis there "watered down" by officials, ostensibly so that she didn't seem to be breaking away from Biden's approach to Israel and the genocide. I am not going to argue that the Biden-Harris administration is perfect, does no wrong, or does not have significant responsibility for dangerous, violent policies and political actions. That's the nature of Western government and it would be deeply offensive to suggest otherwise. But to suggest that they're just Trump but more polite is inaccurate and honestly shows a significant degree of political ignorance. Also very odd to suggest that a Black woman is like, equally as racist as Trump?

Moreover, the head-in-the-sand, I-would-prefer-not-to, "the revolution will come soon so no worries :D" approach is simply not helpful in the day-to-day. So, I, for one, absolutely can fault people who choose not to participate in the actions that will have significant effects on the day-to-day governance of the country in which they live. If the idea is to sit around and complain until all the oligarchs get beheaded, nothing will get done. This is the exact attitude taken during the 2016 election, which actually got Trump elected and resulted in the policies that killed large numbers of people during COVID, exacerbated racist and islamophobic violence, and nearly led to a white supremacist Christian nationalist coup that overthrew the government. If you're fine with that, good for you. I, personally, am not.

[liquidluckandstuff]

Another Dadmort Idea / Supernatural au?

Shared from Up to Some Good I'm going to word Vomit here because I've got another fuckin dadmort fic in my head that doesn't make sense to anyone but me but if i get it out now i can focus on other things.

A Supernaturalish/HP crossover Where Harry is a SORCERER not a Wizard (DnDish Rules, Wizards have to LEARN magic where Sorcerers have a natural aptitude for magic and don't really need crutches like spells or wands or anything).

During the Yule ball harry wanders off because he is a little overwhelmed with the noise and ends up running into a woman being attacked by demons. Harry ends up kicking their asses but the hell hounds get her anyways. Harry is a little panicked but CROWLEY himself comes up and talks to Harry about it.

Saying he doesn't belong at Hogwarts bc he isn't a wizard but surprise surprise there is a school for people like him (Aka a school for all the kids who are a little different and don't fit into the wizarding world like children of demons, werewolves, banshees etc) Crowley even says they have a "summer program" aka these kids have no home to go to and stay in school year round.

Anyway. Harry says hell no at first (pun intended 🥁 ) But then the graveyard thing happens and Harry has a total meltdown about going back to the dursleys and dumbledore is a little forceful about it. Harry sends a letter to Crowley asking to go to school at his school

The Dursleys have to sign a demon deal basically (but not for their soul) agreeing for Harry to follow the schools rules and so he can stay there year round what they DON'T realize and nor do they care of course, is that they basically just sold him off.

there are a bunch of demons at Kings Cross waiting to escort him. The Order of course freaks out but Harry tells them "I told you I wasn't going back. You didn't want me, so I had to make other arrangements."

They try to argue about his saftey but harry says "When tf was i ever safe with any of you? I wasn't safe at hogwarts and who is supposed to protect me from the Dursleys? At least here I KNOW where I stand." Etc Etc.

Anyway, the summer + First part of the year go surprisingly well. Harry makes friends who don't give a fuck who he is past "Harry" and he makes a few rivals of COURSE.

Well, harry gets into a fight with one of them and Harry ends up with a few good scrapes and a bloody nose, but the other kid ends up in the hospital wing.

Headmistress says "well we have to call in your guradian" and harry is like "idgaf they hate me and aren't gonna come anywyas" Not realizing that 1. this is a demon and 2. they don't follow normal guardian rules.

With a letter that gets sent off and a few moments later, suddenly Lord Voldemort himself ends up in the headmistresses office. Turns out, they follow Blood relation rules, not legal Guardian rules. And since they share blood now (and maybe a little bit of actual realation) voldemort is literally the strongest canidate out of ANYONE to be Harry's guardian.

After a WTF is happening from both of them, The headmistress who doesn't gice a fuck and sees shit like this all the time (bc remember these are all misfit kids with wack ass parents) she sits them both down (demon powers baybeee) and starts her talk.

First she goes over what Harry did and he is NOT looking at either of them because he is embarrased/ terrified as fuck.

Then, she goes over his grades in his classes. He is doing above average in most classes EXCELS In the Dark Arts class of course, but struggles in poitions. She says that his teachers suspect his vision is the problem but can't do anything about it without signed permission from his guardian.

Voldemort is absolutely stunned about the whole thing (I mean a sorcerer?! what?!) and then she leaves so they can chat privately.

They are quiet for an awkward amount of time while Voldemort reads over the paperwork that she gave him with his grades and classwork etc. and then after some back and forth bickering, pulls a "you couldn't at least done this OFF campus so I didn't have to get dragged here? At least you won… " or something and Harry has no fuckin clue what to say to that.

Then, he freaking SIGNS the permission slip to get Harry's eyes fixed, AND AND signs him up for potions tutoring and then fuckin leaves just like that. Harry is STUNNED.

(If he doesn't cooperate, then it might ruin what little relationship he has with the Demons and it might cost him the war so he HAS to do it. Crowley invited Harry to the school to be a little shit. ) So now, you got reluctant father son moments because if VOLDEMORT doesn't cooperate, then he might lose the Demons on his side. If HARRY doesn't cooperate then he has to go back to the Dursleys and Hogwarts where literally everyone hates him.

Harry def gets a howler because he skipped a class or two to go hang out with his friends at the muggle town to get drunk. Aka he got to be a normal kid.

He is completley MORTIFIED that he got one, but then everyone is comparing "Well when MY mom/dad sent me a howler" and then Harry realizes that he is completely normal here and acts up a little more to get his attention bc that is the only way he knows how.

The teachers of COURSE catch on this and they have another Conference explaining the whole thing and that's how Harry gets to go home for christmas

[dokutah-exe]

the routine

wake up (i slept in the same clothes as usual, helmet and all)

enter the factory

pocket my gold, then hand it to my financial consultants(tm) to trade up to lmd

pocket that lmd for Rhodes Island's funds

walk into the reception room. say nothing, greet no one, inspect clues made by my peers and also alternate universe doctors (i call them my "cousins" as a code word against the other operators as to not scare them)

realize i dont have that one specific clue again for fucks sake i need clue one not clue five everything else comes so damn easily what the fuck

dont send clues to my """""""cousins"""""""" unless i literally have no choice and need to reduce my clue count because get fucked i like chaining exchanges back to back for maximum currency

revisit all of the other areas again with my Oversized Wheelbarrow to haul away Overexhausted Workers (or OWs for short)

haul my owies to the dorm and start evicting people like a landlord on heroin who just got all the rooms cleared by an air bnb company shitting lmd

drop my owies into said dorms (time starts from the moment theyre dropped for breaks, not the moment they wake up from their exhaustion coma)

go back to every factory "node" and then just ring up motherfuckers at random for their shifts (kal'sit hates it when i do this but she cant do anything about this one cause its actually a clause in our contract stating i can do this in more formal terms)

once finished, i pat everyone on the head as per the additional mandated clause of Doctor Affection for all workers as the equivalent of my acknowledgement for their work

i step into [Redacted] and visit my """"""""""""cousins""""""""""""" in their land vehicles, but only the ones that give me cash like a twice-removed relative during their birthday

with all my credits i show up to the credit store while flipping off closure and begin my purchases while also receiving extra credits because im on the Platinum Program (no relation to the lesbian)

i leave the credit store flipping off closure (you will never get my credit again)

i go to the factory again with my duly purchased gold and double dip in lmd orders thus pissing off my financial consultants

i talk to that hal 9000 looking motherfucker to get my "daily" "missions" done

i crawl back into my office and lay down for the next day

rinse and repeat

there's nothing here i wanted it to end at 20

[annoyingheartenthusiast]

Toontown X Puzzlevision SMG4 (all i have are vauge ideas so far)

in the early days of C.O.G.S Inc: there was a 6th department ran by a cog named Puzzles and his department was all about TV programming. Puzzles was close with the other cog bosses, despite not being nearly as tall as most of them (at least, a without his special vehicle which is big actor/director chair) once he was commissioned by the VP to create a son for him. Puzzles liked making shows, but he grew tired of the same old and fairly unpopular cog shows, he wanted something more entertaining and dare he say "fun" to make, to make a perfect show for everyone. one night while exploring outside of cog territory. he quite literally bumps into a toon. at this point in time neither toon nor cog have heard of each other. but after getting to know this (as of now unnamed) toon. at one-point Puzzles suggested if they could privately make a cartoon with them, to which the toon happily agreed to. when they released their show, it was the best thing Puzzles put out in years, it even just about to get 5 stars. that is, until the chairman caught-on to what was happening. he called Puzzles and his friend to his office to explain themselves. when they got to the part where they explained who/what the toon was and where she lived. the Chairman got the bright idea to harvest this toon's town of its resources. Puzzles and the toon rejected his idea. but the chairman wasn't going to take no for an answer and a big confrontation took place, puzzles tried to explain to his boss that if one toon could improve his ratings, imagine what teamwork between toons and cogs could do. the chairman retorted that he got better ratings because he had help! by himself? he will never make the perfect show. that was the last thing puzzles heard before the room fell apart. causing the toon & Puzzles to go unconscious. The chairman left just before it all fell apart, when he came back, he promptly decided to shut down the TV department, lock away the toon and Puzzles, separately. and move forward with his plans to harvest Toontown. and that's where it ended, until now. for one reason or another, puzzles reactivated and left the storage room he was in undetected. Instead of repairing his old head, he completely cut it off in favor of using one of his old TVs for a head. it became clear Mr. Puzzles was not the cog he was before. with a more screws lose in his head and mind. he is more determined than ever to create the perfect show and get 5 stars. he's gonna use the thing that almost got him 5 stars last time. toons. he will set up genre themed adventures for them to go on. (👁🤠🕴) then he will take over C.O.G.S forcing unimposing cogs to work for him backstage and locking up any cogs who DO appose. then he will trap all the toons in Toontown in his world to play in his shows. all for his streaming service. and once he gets 5 stars, he'll make sure EVERYONE can join the fun :)

there are a few cogs who are planning to stop him. like Misty, Chip, Cathal, Thomas, Buck & Dave. hopefully they'll succeed

[compressednerve]

Exploring Zachariah Trench's Office with @parasitefun

So many crazy white boy moments in his office so here's rambling about observations we made together. BTW we haven't finished the game yet (we're at The Prime Candidate Program and just found out who P7 is) so PLEASE DON'T TELL ME IF THESE ARE CORRECT OR IF I THEORIZE THE WRONG THING. I don't wanna be spoiled on anything >:O thank you.

Analysis, headcanons, and observations below!

What does his diploma say? Lets zoom in

DIPLOMA THIS CERTIFICATE IS PROUDLY PRESENTED TO

Zachariah Trench

One morning, when Zachariah Trench woke from troubling dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin.

..........oh!! oh ok, the Kafka quote about becoming so disabled you can no longer work? And you see yourself as A HORRIBLE VERMIN because you're disabled? And they put that on a diploma and proudly gave it to Trench! Jesus Christ!!! Go listen to some of The Downward Spiral, Zachariah!!! My god I'm so fucking heartbroken over how Zachariah talks about being old and frail and weak and BROKEN!!!!!!!!!!! and useless and-I could go on. I'm a mostly bedridden disabled person myself and I usually find myself relating the most to the older characters in casts of media because they're usually the ones portrayed with the same issues I have as a younghead (arthritis, brain damage/brain fog/amnesia, fatigue and exhaustion, difficulty moving and speaking, just.. yum). And being bedbound myself is something that I feel really deeply in Kafka's work. To realize Trench relates so deeply to Gregor Samsa as well is just such a juicy delicious detail for him. And it's a diploma? My head is spinning! His self-hatred is infinite...

I love that the diploma is tucked away behind the slide projector as well. I'm not sure if this is The Slide Projector that's been hinted at but it'd be neat if it was!

NOBLE SHERIFF: "There can only be one Sheriff in town" ... :rolling_eyes: ok Mr. The Only Person You Should Fail Is Yourself ok Mr. She Knows I Don't Like Relying On Other People ok Mr. I Need A Team To Clean Up My Horrible Mistakes (k!lls self to avoid taking accountability for his actions and dumps it all in Jesse's lap). He was just drinking straight from the fucking bottle at his desk!! That's so disgusting I love it, no chaser or anything. I love the tasteful rolodex, the smooth marble pen holder (with silver in the black, but, kind of evocative of The Astral Plane hmm?), his stapler, his disgusting jug of booze, and the FRESH PACK OF CIGGIES!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!! God, Trench's addictions and compulsions being literally on his desk, the most intimate and well-frequented area of his general daily life, is just so fun! Remedy does so good with environmental storytelling.

I love how even the brands he uses are manifestations of his inner thoughts. The booze label, the tool that relaxes him and dampens his inhibitions, is of course praising him. The Lone Sheriff. The Director. The Last Line Of Defense. Zachariah Trench sees himself as the sole protector, and The Oldest House his town, his community, his ward. The most likely intentional framing of the documents he was signing being splattered with blood, acting like a barrier of his Work vs his Needs (need to relax, need for a painkiller cuz booze is a great painkiller)

I got to his documents piles and literally shouted, "HE HAS SO MUCH MORE WORK TO DO!!!!". I love that the OUT pile is more full than the IN pile, Trench is so judicious with his correspondence :pleading_face: he's so tired. I bet he wishes he was still a Field Agent a lot of the time :sobbing: Looking at all the stuff on his desk like the sheer amount of documents and phone calls and other shit he has to do in a day to day as The Director must be sooo overwhelming...

It was during this moment that Paras and I realized that the greater joke of Control is about older people who stay in their jobs and refuse to make room for other workers, and they get Promoted To Incompetence! lmfao because like, Zachariah was so focused on Field Agent Stuff (in one of his Hotline calls he says, "I kept my head down. I worked my ass off." in a classic blue collar way) and being all tragic and putting his life on the line for his squad, then suddenly and forcefully being promoted to The Boss Of Everything. No wonder he has such a complex about Failing The Bureau :O

the same applies to Dr. Darling--! He's been in The Bureau for a 24 years!! He has 22 labs spread across the ever-shifting expanse of The Oldest House. He, mainly, wants to Do Research and Write Essays and all sorts of other shit that mainly revolves around being an isolated scientist with a modest team. And instead he has to make presentations for the laymen of The Bureau and he has to manage all THE ENTIRE RESEARCH SECTOR, who sends him catty memos about how their department deserves more funding (parakineseology department bribing him with his favorite booze???), and interns and junior scientists who don't know the first thing about The Astral Plane, and as Dr. Underhill complained about- The Bureau's ultimate goal is to exploit what they find, rather than actually comprehend what it is they're dealing with. Most Rangers retire due to cognitive collapse because The Bureau just shoves them in the meat grinder of trying to contain/control Everything. Ugh!

So anyways Zachariah Trench isn't a bad Director but then he's literally such a bad Director, the Worst Director Ever at the same time because it just wasn't his archetype. He took it way too seriously with a hammer in hand, seeing every problem as a nail. Dr. Darling fits the opposite of this niche as well in his own archetypical way- going from goofy underling to The Guy In Charge Of Everyone. They're both socially awkward, domineering, prone to pettiness/hostility, and under so so so much pressure for roles they were universally understood to not be able to fulfill.

All of the people we see in Control that are actually useful and agreeable with Jesse (who has been a dropout who mainly ever worked manual labor jobs up to and including janitor) so far are like, Ahti the mid-60yr old janitor who also just so happens to be the first friendly face you see when you enter the FBC and like, Simon? And fucking Langston (who is so hot I gotta write some Jesse/Frederick later)!

Langston, who is what I imagine is a direct parallel in a positive light compared to Dr. Darling and Director Trench, as in, how he entered The Bureau (he worked in the Postal Service of all places and an uncle at The FBC got him a job there), and Langston, like Trench, worked his ass off, kept his head down, but schmoozed enough to get a nice promotion, and then continued to work at a slow, steady incline for 15 years until he became Panopticon supervisor. He's like one of the only dudes in a high ranking spot who actually respects his position.

And of course who could forget dear Emily Pope :pleading_face: she's been Dr. Darling's underling for idk how long but clearly a while and she's so so ambitious like Darling is ambitious but she's so so so inhibited and held back by Darling's misogyny and higher ranking and having to be ordered to research shit but not actually be able to ask the real questions. You can really get a feel for how passionate Emily is in her work by like, not just how she talks to Jesse but in her correspondence and especially her research papers. The way she words documents ordered by Dr. Darling vs how she words documents ordered by Director Jesse Faden is literally night and day, but not for lack of enthusiasm. You can tell under Darling's mentorship she's soooo stifled, and with Jesse's lax permission "please just do whatever you want so long as it advances my (and The Bureau's) understanding of things". Emily's like a kid in a candy store and it's exactly what she needs to flourish.... Oh to bask in the light of a manual laborer :heart_eyes:

Another angle of his documents which I find titillating. The majority of his blood splatter landing on the IN pile... efflorescent....

THE FUCKING. BLACK ROCK PRISM ON HIS DESK. Paras has something to say about that later in a fic or some art. The other pack of ciggies that he was in the process of smoking (I counted the cigarettes. He has 8 ciggies left which means he's smoked 12 already. There are 4 in the ashtray which means at some point after opening the pack, he smoked 8 and then dumped the ashtray. This shows he keeps his ashtray relatively clean, which is a specific kind of character quirk about Tidiness and Cleanliness for Trench because chainsmokers like me and Paras are disgusting and our ashtray is overflowing by like, three packs and it smells horrible). The way it sits atop all his other shit he needs to sign, he's just drowning in documents (sort of like how I imagine Alan is drowning in manuscripts? WHO SAID THAT?)

*looks over Jesse's shoulder and realizes Trench's body is gone* *nearly shouting to Paras, who is sitting right next to me* WHERE IS TRENCH'S BODY? WHERE DID HIS BODY GO? WHY IS HIS BLOOD ON THE FLOOR BUT NOT HIS BODY? DID THE FUCKING BOARD TAKE HIM? DID THEY EAT HIM? WHO ATE TRENCH?

I've been likening Zachariah Trench a lot to Rorschach in his perpetual death-wish (he wants to die so bad but he'll fight everything that tries to kill him to the bloody end because he feels he can only die when he's ready to die ugh yum). The empty blood splatter after you come back from The Hotline Chamber for the first time (and realizing that The Hotline Chamber is DIRECTLY CONNECTED TO TRENCH'S OFFICE? HELLO?) is soooo fucking reminiscent of Rorschach's final death scene, where the blood splatter is the shape of his mask :hand_over_mouth: soooo symbolic sooo iconic. Note to self: Paras and I need to write/draw something about different people devouring Trench's corpse (yum).

(SIDENOTE: PLEASE DONT TELL ME IF THERE'S A CANONICAL REASON FOR WHY TRENCH'S CORPSE DISAPPEARS. THAT'D BE BALLER IF THERE WAS A CANONICAL REASON BUT WE WANNA FIND OUT ON OUR OWN!)

I wanna lick the blood off his desk and phone. Oohhhhhhn n the way it drips down the edge of the desk. I want to give him so many head wounds here. He spilled his final blood all over his classified documents and telephone and finished work and desk that he sat at a lot :pleading_face: and he was only 64 years old wah. He was so tragic and so sad and what if there was a dude who was so sad he DIED because his boss was like "put the gun to your head and see if we still like you" and Trench was like "oh good, finally, an opportunity to see if I'm still worthy" AND HE FUCKIN. WAS PROVED. UNWORTHY? OUCH, DUDE!!! HARSH!!!

Zachariah's Personal Signature Rubber Stamp (CUMS UNCONTROLLABLY)

Dude I had no fucking clue he had a picture of himself when he was younger (and healthier, and happier, and) with his kid that he accidentally killed. Like what??? He's so miserable and he sits at his desk with TWO packs of cigarettes and a giant bottle of like i'm guessing whiskey or scotch, and he just sits there and gets nosebleeds from using The Hotline and chainsmokes and stares at his Former Glory. MY GOD!

...............pistachios :pleading_face: he eats pistachios. he has pistachio snack. he enjoys pistachios. there is a bag of pistachios at his desk. he had to have gotten that at a vending machine. zachariah trench had to either ask someone to get him some pistachios (vulnerable) or he had to get up and go to a vending machine and put his money into the vending machine because he wanted a snack and he chose to get pistachios and he had to bend over and get the pistachios out of the bottom of the vending machine. zachariah trench eating pistachios. he has to crack the shells open and dispose of them somehow. pistachios are green. he eats pistachios. he wants a snack. i am literally a shell of a human being.

Imagine the smell of his nice leather briefcase. The weight of it in your hand. The privilege to watch Trench open it up and rifle through the papers, or *gets lightheaded* being able to hand him a document that he then has to place in his briefcase. I can't breathe. I like the pneumos in the background too. He has a very natural gentle clutter to his desk, like I imagine how he perceives the clutter of his mind. There's so many things to keep track of, and he's so tired... :weeping:

I'm so utterly enraged that he didn't finish two of his cigarettes. He didn't even finish his ciggie before he died!! are you fucking kidding me?! I was somewhat bewildered because the texture of the inside of the ashtray (the ashtray) looks... wet? and the two finished cigarette butts are visibly wet (distorted color, swollen cotton) and Paras said that the ashtray probably has a sort of perpetually wet sand inside it. Works for me!

Did you know if you shoot the Prism, it's breakable? I didn't know that. Makes the screenie a bit goofy but I don't care. Look at his over half-finished pack of ciggies. I would pay. kind of a lot of money. for like a collectors edition of real Black Pyramid Cigarettes are you kidding me? What kind of nightmare dimension tobacco do they put in those things?

He looks so moe here receiving his gay little medals or whatever's happening (idk if this has story relevance and gets revealed later or not). His hairdo is so cute??? Did he... did he bleach his hair? It looks like his roots are showing thru old bleach... is... Yung Trench a bleached hair baddie? I'm gonna pass out.

Me: look at that! Trench is watching the presentation! Paras: LOOK AT HOW SMOKY THE ROOM IS! HE'S HOTBOXING HIS OFFICE WITH NICOTINE! Both of us: *gagging*

So first of all this is such a big moment in terms of setting up Zachariah and Casper's relationship to each other, and how they interact with each other. Jesse uses The Hotline, and then we're treated to an interdimensional 3D Memory Flashback of observing Trench. He's sitting in his office, which is dimmed so the projector can play. He's chainsmoking so much that the ENTIRE VOLUME of his MODESTLY LARGE OFFICE is FILLED with CIGARETTE SMOKE. I genuinely am so disgusted and enamored by Trench's hardcore nicotine addiction, his.... dedication to the Ritual of Smoking. So anyways, engaging in his comfort ritual of Smoking, sitting in his nice chair and watching Darling's presentation. Imagine him ordering Darling to put together research on The Hotline immediately after his first call with The Board... and he's the only one who can communicate about what the experience is like... and then when Dr. Darling is done he delivers the video to Trench and then Trench sets aside specific dark-room-and-smoking time JUST to watch The Presentation? CAN IT GET ANY MORE HOMOSEXUAL THAN THIS? I *will* be writing about this later.

Sidenote the perspective of viewing behind his head like this is so intimate. I feel so voyeuristic, I want to hover closer to the back of Trench's neck and feel/see the hairs rise up in extrasensory response to my presence. I want to nibble on his ear.

I need him. to blow smoke in my face.

...

Well that's all the screenshots I have at the moment! Thank you for reading my post and please feel free to contribute your own ideas and observations to this because I LOVE META!! And I love hearing other people discuss it too >:3

[blackknightax]

Virtual Idol Friend (working title)

Chapter 1: digital life is born.

Emily was a sad lonely girl. She is a 3d animator by hobby, office worker by trade, and no one to the people around her. None of her projects have ever gotten any real attention, she has a couple hundred subscribers, her most popular video is an animation she made using audio of a popular streamer that's only really popular because they featured it. She has no friends and most people think nothing of her. She is currently working on a bit of a passion project that she's sure she'll never finish, because she isn't musically inclined and definitely can't afford to license it. But she's working on an idol girl model for this project. She just finished rigging it. She posed it a few times before right clicking on it and hitting "name object" She doesn't often use this feature but she did this time. She was kinda zoned out when she did it so instead of writing a name she wrote something inspired by what she said as she was thinking out loud. "Man... I wish you'd be MY best friend.... I could use one..." She sighed and absent mindedly named her "best friend" then she was called away by a sudden need to do laundry.

On the screen something happened as “best friend” suddenly moved. She looked around at her environment before literally stepping out of the 3d modeling program she was made in. She fell out and landed on the Taskbar. She mouths an "owie" and then realizes she cannot speak,  though attempts to a couple more times. She tries to say "huh?" Then tried to scream, nothing. She gets up, dusts off her skirt, and looked around again. She was mainly seeing how big she is. She pressed the button on the far end of the Taskbar that reveals the desktop and runs to the icons on the far left. The top of her head perfectly aligns with the top of the third row of icons. She touched it and found that she can, even climb it. She raised her arms victoriously after climbing a couple more. She was now about a quarter of the way up the screen. She kept climbing her goal to reach the top. But she got distracted by the icon of the music player. She climbed her way to it and tried slapping the icon. This caused it to open, and her to fall. She falls onto the menu of the music streaming service.

She looked at the recently played and other menus. She grabbed the side of the program and found she can move the scroll bar, much easier than climbing. After looking through the menu she found Emily's "my Playlists" She jumped from the side to go into that menu. She found a Playlist of Emily's favorite idol anime songs. She goes to that Playlist and hits play. She starts lip syncing and dancing to whatever song plays. 

Only now does Emily arrive back with her laundry. First she's confused why the computer is playing music. Then she sees the music streaming service open, and the little idol girl dancing on screen. The idol looks to her, stops dancing, and kicks the pause button on the music. Emily opens the modeling program to see the idol left it. She nervously waves her cursor at the idol as though to say hi. The idol excitedly towards the screen started waving her arms as though she were repeatedly saying hi. Emily opens a word document and writes "do you talk?" The idol puts her arms down in defeat and shakes her head "no" Emily is a little disappointed but she didn't voice it.  Emily opens the start menu and finds the on-screen keyboard program that every computer has. When it opened the idol climbed into it and started slapping letters. "Hello Emily san! It's good to meet you!  Sorry I started making so much noise. I wanted to dance!" Emily felt a feeling she hasn't felt in a long time, a warmth, a happiness.  "Well, ‘best friend’ can't be your name. I think I was going to name you Aiko, are you okay with Aiko?" The little idol pressed enter and responded "yes Emily San, I love Aiko!"

Thus, a beautiful friendship was to begin between Emily and her creation Aiko. End of chapter 1.

I, might, do a commentary if asked... Image is a drawing I did meant to portray my main character of sorts. I'd love to do a "ask my OC's" but we'll see if I'm brave enough for that

[cutiedwaekki]

a cute carnival au !! jisung works as a carny, either aiding other acts or performing his own jester/trickster act, and meets his new rival jeongin the acrobat. wanting to sabotage the other to maintain his popularity, he tries to get jeongin to ruin his diet, but each one of his plans backfires on himself and causes him to gain weight instead. meanwhile jisung has been viewing jeongin as his enemy, jeongin has actually started falling for the comedic performer, especially since hes started gaining !! bonus points if they decide to perform together as a duo in the end instead of competing acts ☺️💜

the concept ? I love it.

The idea ? Perfect.

I wish you ? A happy birthday

Hotel ? Trivago.

HAHAHA

CIRCUS

Jisung was at the hall of his fame. Having worked in the circus for years, he was finally receiving the recognition he had always craving for.

He wanted to be a ringleader, the one who would present the circus shows and finish them off with his own part: magic ~.

As he prepared in his dressing room, he rehearsed his lines.

-May i have attention my ladies and gentlemen, the show can-

- "Han-ah , han-ah, han-ah !!"

- "What now Felix? You know I have to know my lines for tonight".

Indeed, despite all this, what Jisung had to learn from was his haughty nature, which only his best friend Felix could manage.

Felix was also part of the circus, coming in second with his juggling tricks just before Hyunjin, who was literally playing with fire.

But anyway, enough about the program, after all Jisung didn't care, he only cared about one thing: the show started and ended with him and him only!

-It's Mr Bahng, he wants to see you!

Confused, Jisung put down his paper and followed Felix to Director Bahng's office room. He's the head of this circus, the one who manages everything from A to Z, looking after everyone's well-being.

What a load of crap! He spends most of his day stuffing his face with popcorn while we sweat! Thought Han

But once in his office, he was surprised to see that next to Chan was a young boy. Not much taller than him, with blond hair and visibly shy.

-Here he comes! Jisung, meet Jeongin, our new recruit", exclaimed Chan, gently pushing Jeongin towards Jisung to greet him.

But Jisung barely reacted to this information. So he had an assistant, so what?

-You called me here just for that?

- "Don't be so haughty, Sungie, everyone knows you don't do anything except go over your lines!"

- "It's my duty as the show's leader to know my lines!"

This made Jeongin chuckle and earn a sideways glance from Jisung.

I already don't like this one , he thought.

But the worst was yet to come

-"As you know, Changbin decided to change his talent presentation for ... some reason ... and so there's no fun left to close the show".

Meh rather say that these "certain reasons" were due to his fat ass who couldn't swing without risking breaking something.

-Why do you need acrobat to end up the show? I'm here with my magic trick!"

- "But Minho is just doing magic by cutting Seungmin, you know I agreed that you'd do the end only until I find a replacement! I'm sorry, but from tonight you'll have to be content with doing the show's introduction."

Han's mouth fell, so Chan stole his moment of glory from an incompetent youngster.

It's best not to describe all the sins that came out of Jisung ace's mouth at this point, but let's just say he was clearly very angry with Chan.

On his way out, he was closely followed by Jeingin, who would be under his orders for a while until the show began.

-I... I'm sorry, I didn't know I was going to take someone's place-".

- "Spare me your lame excuses, I've got other things to do.

And so Jisung walked away, leaving a lost and confused Jeongin.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Jisung was angry, very angry. He was angry at Chan for his decision and at Jeongin for his talent.

Because yes, that evening he had been grandiose, a star among the stars that everyone had applauded and Jisung had been so speechless that he had apologized to the youngest for what he had said earlier. And everyone knew that the great Han Jisung never apologized!

So he now hated Jeongin, who had humiliated him by making him demean himself in order to apologize.

He wanted to get the last part of the show, it was his not Jeongin's!

Then a thought popped into his head. After all, Changbin had become a clown because he'd become dangerously too fat to be an acrobat.

What if he did the same to Jeongin? After all, the youngest seemed to admire him and followed him whenever he saw him, so it would be easy to fatten him up, sabotage his show and get his place back!

Yah you're a genius he muttered to himself.

His plan was about to start today

���── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

-Innie yah! Come I have something for you!"

Jeongin turned and walked impatiently into Jisung's dressing room; for two weeks now he had been part of the circus troupe, everyone had been so kind to him but he much preferred Jisung; he saw in him the soul of someone he could trust, someone who knew how to take responsibility for his mistakes, the proof being that the one and only time he had spoken badly to him, he had come to apologize!

(The other times, Jisung ignored him, but Jeingin took it as a moment when they missed each other).

- "What is it hyung?" he asked curiously as he caught a whiff of a strangely attractive scent.

- "Changbin hyung gave me all these cinnamon buns and I thought you'd like them, since you know... you're the baby bread of the group".

Jeongin then started to blush, it's true he was nicknamed that, but when it came out of Jisung's mouth, it was totally different.

-Oh ... I'd love to, hyung, but ... with tonight's show, I've got to maintain a strict diet, otherwise I'll miss my turn and ruin the whole performance".

Jeongin pouted as Jisung, taken with pity, advanced one of the buns to slui oiur the fakre to smell the sweet scent of sicre and cinnamon mixed together.

-Just one won't make you miss the whole show, right? I'll eat one with you if you like, so if you miss out then I will too".

Wow, even Jisung surprised himself with his own words, which came out so naturally it gave him the shivers.

But at least it worked, because Jisung accepted the bread and ate it happily while Jisung had to do the same.

Unfortunately, no sooner had Jeongin taken a bite of his bread than Minho called him over.

-Oh no, hyung, i got to go! Thanks anyway for the bread" he said before leaving.

Jisung then left alone with a barely devoured cinnamon bread and a full basket that he hadn't been able to give to Jeongin.

-Well ... I'm not going to waste such good food right?

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

And these moments went on and on, becoming too frequent.

Jisung would bring a whole bunch of food to Jeongin, who would either politely refuse or eat only a little, leaving the rest for Jisung, who didn't like waste food.

As a result, two months passed and two different visions of the situation emerged on both sides.

-He offers you food every week?

- "yes"

- "Just for you?"

- "Yes"

- "And he complimented you?"

- "Yes"

- "Man ... i think Jisung's in love with you."

Jeongin blushed, although charmed by this idea, after all it seemed clear that he was acting like this because he was shy and had trouble expressing his feelings properly, right?

-Thank you Seungmin Hyung, you're a great help!

But on the other hand...

- "Suck in your belly!"

- "I already do it, I don't want to do any better"

- "Jisung ah I think this corset has become too small for you"

- "You're talking nonsense Felix, try tightening, no one can be too big for a corset!

And Jisung was the exception, after all that gorging on so many sweets every week had caused his otherfiidly thin waistline, which he accentuated with a red-threaded black corset, to expand, as did his tummy, which was beginning to hang out of his black shirt.

And let's not even talk about his thighs, which had become so thick they were fortifying with every step he took. He'd gone from a dream body to a chubby one in such a short space of time that people dared to compare him to Changbin! Yes, Changbin the old acrobat who become a clown , a clown so fat that people laughed more at his fat body than at his tricks!

-The Jisung said, "You've put on weight! Don't worry, we can ask Haewon to make an plus-sized outfit that would be better for-" .

-I'd rather die than admit that i'm now olus-sized! I'm going to wear that corset , period!

In the end, he made the show wearing one of Changbin's old stage outfits, which miraculously seemed perfection, and let's just say that during his presentation, a certain acrobat had his eyes riveted on him.

- "Looks like someone's enjoying the view~"

-"'Hush shut up hyung the others might hear you "

Seungmin simply chuckled, it was obvious that Jeongin also had a soft spot for Jisung, but that evening, he was totally captivated by his body, after all, he was usually wearing a corset to hide his growing belly, but this day, for the first time, he wore a checked shirt that seemed to fit him perfectly even if it does seems a bit tight on his midsection.

Jeongin then imagined how cute his hyung would look if this shirt pressed against his swollen belly. How with just a few more pounds this shirt could also become really tight on him.

-Why is your face so red, Innie?

- "For nothing hyung .. for nothing"

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Jisung was definitely defeated.

For one thing, he hadn't recovered by the end of the show, and now Jeongin had become so popular that Chan even suggested he take a seat next to him at the beginning of the show!

Secondly: his plan had failed, Jeongin hadn't taken a single pound, but Jisung was swelling up like a blimp.

And, of course, this second point was also a good point, as he had seen more people de coming since he had stopped wearing corsets.

Maybe fat admirer that just wanted to see how their favorite carny turned to a total hog in just a few month

And third: Jeongin didn't stop sticking to him h24 nonstop. And since then, he even offered him sweets and other delicacies in large quantities.

Was he trying to fatten him up? So the little acrobat was vicious? Jisung had to watch out for him at all costs.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

-Hyung, I brought you some cookies from your favorite bakery.

- "How do you know my favorite bakery, you idiot?

- "Felix hyung told me"

Jisung clicked his tongue on his puck before sighing, even Felix was betraying him now.

But then again he's not going to turn down free food right?

He didn't bother to thank Jeongin as he grabbed the box and devoured one, followed by a second and before Jeongin even realized what was happening, Jisung had just finished and was rubbing his belly as he sat heavily on his seat.

-"Well, if you've got nothing else to do, I'll be off," Jisung began before rising from his chair. It took him longer than usual to get up, but he had to understand that his whole body had become so heavy that he had to exert himself for such small things.

A great effort that tore his pant in two, letting the sound reverberate throughout the room that everyone present had heard what had just happened.

Jeongi was both shocked and excited, while Jisung was flushed with shame. He turned to Jisung and let his rage do the talking.

-Are you satisfied now? You stole my place and now I'm a lazy pig! Look at me I'm a fat slob with a lazy fat ass!!! I hate you Yang Jeongin! I hate you!!!" He said before waddling off.

Jeongin was hurt by his words, but he didn't let them stop him, he saw his crush in pain and by his own fault ! He had to go and confort him

He followed him and didn't toruva him anywhere where he was normally. Not in the dressing room, not in his bedroom and certainly not in the toilets or fitting rooms.

He was about to give up when he heard sobbing not far away, near the still-closed dart shooting range.

He stepped forward and saw Jisung crying, the poor selblait so helpless and weak that the youngest felt sick to his stomach at the sight.

He approached him shyly and put his hand on his shoulder before speaking in a low voice "hyung".

Jisung looked up and didn't even bother to get angry "What? Have you come to gloat over your victory in front of me?"

-No ... I just wanted to cheer you up".

- "I don't need tour pity, I understand you're perfect and I'm not"

-"Don't say that, you're extraordinary! You're so talented, when you do your show at the start I have butterflies in my stomach"

Jisung stopped in his tracks and turned to Jeongin confuse "Do you really think so?"

-Obviously that I think so! Tiut the world finds you talented Jisung hyung! "

There was a silence as the two looked at each other in silence.

Suddenly Jeongin cleared his throat before adding

-You know, if I decided to join this circus, it's because in the evenings before exams I loved going to the circus, it allowed me to relax and make me realize that there was more to my life than books and teaching.

And then ... there was that evening when I saw you ... you shone, your look showed that you loved what you were doing, it made me want to throw everything away and become an acrobat and here I am! I'm sorry that you thought I was stealing your place hyung, I was just in awe of you and I-

But as Jeongin spoke, he was suddenly stopped by a pair of lips that landed on his own, Jisung's own lips, he was kissing him!

The kiss was both short and simple, yet lingering and passionate. All kinds of emotions flowed through the two bodies as they kissed again.

This time Jisung spoke up

-"I'm sorry for what I said, I was jealous of you and your talent, but I guess deep down I just couldn't face the fact that I was crazy about you".

Jeingin smiled shyly before kissing his hyung again with tenderness.

-"There's a first time for everything, as they say, there's only one step between love and hate".

Jisung chuckled before kissing him again.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

-Where the hell have you been? We've been waiting for you for hours! Chan shouted as he saw how the two new lovers had arrived totally out of breath and in bad shape, their hair and clothes in disarray.

-' Jisung change your shirt, it doesn't fit you at all! And you Jeongin put on your outfit, the show starts in less than an hour!"

Chan clapped his hands to make them hurry as they both went to get into their show clothes.

That evening, Jisung agreed to wear the plus-size outfit Haewon had prepared, after all a certain acrobat had expressed his admiration for his plump body and finally accepted that his extra kilos made him cruelly seductive.

And that evening, a certain acrobat had drooled a little too much over his boyfriend's presentation.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

"So you want to share the stage at the beginning AND the end?" Asked Chan confused as the two mutually agreed

- "Yes, for presentation Sungie- I mean Jisung hyung does some magic tricks where I appear as his assitant and"

Jisung then cut Jeongin off to continue "And in the last stage Jeongin comes on stage and I'm his assistant who comes to pick him up and make him disappear!"

Chan was confused by these rather messy exolanation but the couole seemed so passioned et determined by this idea that he ends up accepting

And he was right, that stage was such a success that Jeongin and Jisung's part became one of the circus's main attractions.

But by this time, the coupke were taking advantage of their day off to go to the funfair, they had decided to take a ride on the ferris wheel , admiring the fireworks in the sky with their hand squeezed tight and our fingers intertwined .

-"You want to know something fun?"

Jeongin then turned to Jisung, curious.

-"At first, my plan was to make you bigger so that you would become like Changbin hyung, so that I could have my stage again".

Jeingin then laughed at this sudden declaration before placing his hand on his lover's growing belly. In recent times, Jisung's weight had increased tenfold, to the point where he was now forbidden to take some attraction like the rollercoaster in the fairground, which was both frustrating for Jisung and exciting for Jeongin.

-"Hyung, you're such an idiot but it's so cute".

Jisung then puffed out his cheeks, making is double chin stand out.

-"But I'm your idiot, aren't I?"

- "Of course , your my favorite plump idiot ."

Jeongin kissed his idiot's cheeks before lying down beside him to watch the fireworks.

[pbandjesse]

I was maybe a little overtired this morning. Overly emotional. But I feel a lot more normal now. And today was good. For the most part.

After I posted last night I had a few more hours. I would have fun though. There was some more funny moments. Like when one of the staffers called me a cutie and then almost immediately started crying because he said it's like the end of summer camp and he's going to miss working with his friends and that was just so sweet. I would run around with Jesse cleaning and making sure everything was good. But at 1 I let him know I needed to tap out and it was time for me to go home.

With no traffic it was a 10 minute drive. Parking thankfully wasn't hard. And I brought everything inside.

James left the lights on for me which was nice. They were fast asleep though. I would eat some of my leftovers chipotle. Take a shower. Washed my hair. Sat in front of my mirror for a little bit. But I was in bed by 2 and fell asleep pretty quickly.

I woke up at 7 but when I found James asleep still next to me because they were going into work later today because of extended museum hours, so I decided I could sleep an extra hour too.

And I'm glad I did. When I got up at 8 I felt a little more normal. Not 100 but fine. My hair had dried crazy but it was fine. I got washed and dressed and felt good about myself. Though the humidity would make my hair get real frizzy later one. Ah well.

I left and James would leave to bike soon after me. And it was a fine drive even if traffic was a little annoying. The rain seems never ending. But it is making all the plants very happy I'm sure.

The piano was gone! I was surprised. But also not. It was bound to be gone eventually.

I would not be the first in today. Alexi was already there and Sarah came in at the same time as I did. I enjoyed telling them about last night. I was in a good mood. But weirdly that did not last long.

Pretty quickly Elizabeth was texting to check in about the lodge. Saying to go check it was clean because for some reason that wasn't done yesterday? So I walked over there with my little raincoat and was trying to not be salty but I was. Why wasn't the trash taken out? Did we have enough tables set up? I was just a little frustrated.

I cleaned the bathrooms. And was getting more and more worked up when I asked a question in the chat and it was not answered, instead a question I didn't ask was answered because they were making an (incorrect) inference. And like people do that all the time but man does it drive me crazy.

I was trying to not be insane but I was spiraling. I sat outside on the rocking chairs. And when the bus came I went down to meet them. And I didn't realize it was prek!! They were so little! And half of them came off the bus and immediately gave me a hug it was great and helped me a little.

But very very quickly I became wildly disregulated when Gabe got started with the group and announced we were doing lunch first?? And I hadn't set up my afternoon program yet because we normally do that during lunch and no one was communicating what project they were expecting and late Gabe said I wasn't snippy but I don't like how I was in that moment. And I melted down. Thankfully held it together until I got away from the lodge but I was walking across the field crying. Wishing I could quit. Not my best moment. And worst of all I knew I was being irrational. I was texting Jess in that moment about how irrational and ridiculous I was being. But I couldn't stop.

I went and set up my program and then headed to the office and ate my chipotle leftovers and literally was fixed. I felt better for the rest of the day. I got a hug from Heather and was all fixed and still felt a little sad inside but I was much better.

It was decided that they were going to order us lunch from Casa Mia, an Italian place, later. I was excited about that. I would request a grilled cheese and fried ravioli. I am very appreciative of Alexi appreciating us through food. It's my second favorite thank you after money.

I would go and get my group for our hike. I set myself up with Victor's group, who I haven't hiked with before, but I know he had a science background and I thought that would vibe well with me. And I was very right.

We had so much fun. We would go to the Glen, stopping at every mushroom I saw. We would turn logs. Look under rocks. And we even found a snake!!! This is my first time finding a snake all by myself. It was very exciting for me. And the kids were so young they weren't even afraid, didn't know they should be! It was great.

We let his slither away and headed to the tipi field to hang on the hammock for a bit. Then over to the fields. But the horses were to far. So I took them to the barns and there were horses there, including Obie the mini, and they fed them hay and it was great. They were all so cute being gentle and trying very hard not to scream. I was proud of them.

After a stop at the latrines to wash hands we walked to the field to get ready for our party free choice hour.

I decided to pivot and had the kids draw flowers and plants. Some kids drew other stuff but it was mainly just a nice calm program for me. I worked on a flower drawing and had music going and all the kids were being calm and sweet and wanted to learn some stuff because they liked my drawing. And I encouraged them when they said they were copying me I would tell them that they were inspired by me but they were making their own! That's just practice! I hope they internalize that and find their own confidence.

It was a nice hour. And once we were done I cleaned up all their pictures to hand off to Victor and the. Said goodbye and went to the office.

I took a few minutes break. Has a little snack. Elizabeth said lunch would be here in about a half hour. So I went to the lodge to clean the bathrooms. And then to the nature building to see Samson the turtle. Who apparently hit Sarah very very hard today which is not like him at all. Very surprising. Thankfully did not break the skin.

Joe was over there feeding them and I would hang out with him for a bit. Went with him to the chickens and even got to pick one up and held it for a bit. Which was nice. And then back to the office to send some emails before our lunch.

At first I did not join everyone else siting outside. It was cold out there. But I would eventually come out. I still was feeling a little other. A little off. But I shared my ravioli and my fries and things were good. There was even baby birds on the bookshelf behind me and I thought that was the best.

Elizabeth said I could leave whenever since there wasn't anything for me to do. And I took advantage of that.

I left and decided to go search for some more aquatic frogs since omelet seems to have??? Disappeared?? Something? I have seen him once since we got back from Africa. And I miss him. I love my frogs.

I was not having great luck. The first three stores has none at all. I would stop at a restore and found a little wine rack I think would be good for shoes. Ran into one of my BAS students but he didn't notice me so I didn't say anything. It was nice to see him out in the wild though!

I would go to five pet stores in all but I finally found some!! I was thrilled. I would get two. I decided to name them French Toast and Avocado Toast. The toast brothers. They are so very small. I really hope they do okay in my tank. I just want them to be happy.

I would head home and was very happy to be here. I would get my tank to the correct temperature and introduced them to the water. I would take Ruby the Roomba upstairs to clean. And I would set up the little wine rack.

Eventually I would head upstairs and tried on some dresses that I was given yesterday and a few of them were great. One is like a black tennis dress with built-in shots. Very excellent.

I took a bath. And have been hanging out since then.

James just got home! They are feeling a little sick but I am just so happy to have them here. I am hoping to get to bed fairly early. Tomorrow is another long day with a field trip and then an event. But I am looking forward to the activities. I hope you all have a good night. I love you all. Until tomorrow!!

[glittiris]

"No Day Shall Erase You from the Memory of Time" - Virgil

This weekend I decided to partake in some mother-daughter bonding by visiting the 9/11 Memorial Museum. I’ve always been interested in this tragedy because it feels very personal to me even though I wasn’t there to witness it. The majority of my family and people who were adopted into my family through religion (God parents/God family) lived in New York at the time and were there to experience it up close to the point that some are a part of the group that developed respiratory problems. My aunt was pregnant during the attacks and gave birth prematurely because of all the running and stress she had to endure. My mother was on the train when the subway service was suspended and when she left the station, she saw the smoke and moments later the North tower collapsed. People were running in her direction, and she followed, and never looked back to see the smoke swallowing the city. She had to walk for 10 hours to meet up with my father, then his sister and then head home. She was wearing her favorite boots on 9/11 and after experiencing the hell that was that day, she threw them away because she didn’t want to wear them ever again. I feel claustrophobic being surrounded by all the skyscrapers in the city. I don’t like that most of them are glass, I don’t like that they’re oddly shaped and there’s no escaping them because they’re everywhere. It makes me nervous and learning about 9/11 when I was younger just gave me more reason to be afraid, and I think that’s interesting. The world was in that moment then and the world is still feeling that moment in a variety of ways today. My mother agreed to take me 23 years into her past and said, “maybe it’s time.” 

The museum got more intense as we went further down into the foundation of what was once World Trade over two decades ago. It was a very heavy experience both physically and emotionally, but thankfully they don’t hit you all at once with the really disturbing stuff. It’s a gradual transition from the facts to the stuff you might’ve not even wanted to know or see, but you’re seeing it and it’s tough. At the very bottom of the museum is a giant wall called a “slurry wall” that once served the purpose of keeping the Hudson River out of the basement levels of the twin towers. It smelt bad and made my throat very dry being next to it. My mother says that it smelt like that and smoke for years. It’s shocking that the smell is still down there, but it makes sense because we were literally in Ground Zero. 

There were many rooms where you could watch programs projected on the walls. The only one that was somewhat enjoyable was a program explaining what was so grand about the World Trade Center. People were very giddy to say they worked in or even near World Trade. My mom was one of those people who were always so proud to say she worked near World Trade and her law firm worked with offices that were located inside the towers. The program was exciting and made me feel like I was learning about a building I could go visit right now. It was a good break from the rest of the museum. I learned that skyscrapers sway! I hate that. I hate everything about that. That’s scary to me and I never want to be in a building that sways. I don’t care that swaying equals a stronger building. I’m icked out by that. I never knew that the elevator was fast, and I thought it would take forever to get to the top. People were very excited about the elevators too and a man in the program described his feelings towards it as a “rush.” People took so much pride in these towers 

Another thing I thought was neat, were these audio things that kind of felt like house phones. They either had voice mails from people on the planes or in the towers, or you could listen to people involved in the cleanup/rescue. You hold a long speaker up to your ear and you listen to the voice mail as if you’re the person it’s for. I can’t imagine being the loved one who received those messages. Most of these personal moments you’re let in on are in areas where photos are strictly prohibited out of respect for the grieving, so I have nothing to show. 

The entire museum is built around the rubble, so framing the different exhibits is what is left of the structural support for the towers. These are called box columns and I think this is the only one in the museum. The rest are just outlines of where the box columns once were. In the box column rubble, I spotted a footprint.

There were beautiful photos on the walls of a long walkway taken from in the rubble of the collapsed towers. I say beautiful because the composition and colors really wowed me. The quality makes it seem like these photos were taken today. I really wonder how they managed to do that or if I’m just downplaying what the cameras of the 2000s were capable of. I can’t explain why I find these pictures beautiful. My mother agrees though, so I'm not just a freak with a fetish for tragedy. There’s just something about them. 

The whole time we were there, my mom was trying not to cry, but that all changed when we got to the section of the museum with the truly disturbing parts of the tragedy. Videos of people trying to escape the tsunami of debris, people covered in blood, ash and burns, people jumping from the towers because it was either burn to death or have 10 seconds of fresh air before your demise and so much more. The first disturbing room we visited showed photos taken of people jumping out of the windows and my mother just broke down. She had never seen any photos of people falling before. She knew the photos existed, but never wanted to see them. She had her hand over her mouth and then she covered her whole face, and I felt bad that she had to see those pictures. Luckily there were tissues right outside the room and she was able to clean herself up. Honestly, seeing people jumping to their deaths was the worst thing to see in the museum and nothing else there compares to how heart wrenching that is. These people had no way to escape because the stairs they would’ve taken in the event of an emergency were blown out by the plane. The flames were unbearable, the smoke was toxic, and many firefighters knew that this would be their last shift going into those buildings. It’s scary to think about because this could be anyone and it could even be you someday. These people obviously didn’t go to work thinking it would be their last day on earth and everyone was so confused. Some jumped holding hands and embracing co-workers, some jumped facing the blue sky and some spiraled and flailed out of control as they dropped. It’s so shocking and a lot to take in. That was enough for us, and we decided to conclude our visit to the museum.

We visited the memorial pools. I heard that the waterfall drowns out the sound of the city and it actually does! It was calming and what we needed after all that. 

We went to shake shack afterwards and I had the best burger of my life. The bourbon bacon jam. It was sweet, tangy and I want another one right now. I recommend it. Go have it right now. 

[faitsansorganes]

I drank a little so now it's my followers' problem if they decide to read this post (unwise decision)

anyways why do I always latch onto some professor (or in the past teacher) as a free parent when they can never be that. and I have so many conversations with them in my head where I pretend they are praising me or telling me things are going to be alright because that's what I want really. even though when I do impress people no matter how much it's never enough but still I crave it from these people I reverse-adopt in my head. and I feel so bad about it it's so weird to have someone you elevate mentally so much when really they're just some guy who happens to have a position in shaping you and yet to you they're like something you hang your entire sense of self on. which of course I can't tell them about bc this is insane right. anyways why did I start thinking about this right it's because well (as some who have the misfortune of reading my posts may have guessed) this year it's my philosophy professor and the academic year is coming to an end. less than a month of classes left, I only have him for lectures and the one this coming week I can't even go to because for another class we have odrabiane zajęcia (not translating this bc we never had odrabienie zajęć in the states so I have no idea wtf to call this) which my classmates voted to hold at the same time as the philosophy lecture. so like... two more lectures? maybe I go to his office hours one more time and that's it. and yeah literally that's all our interaction has been, my going to his office hours a few times to ask questions (and I feel so unconfident it took me two times going to the philosophy department building before I finally got the nerve to actually go to his office to talk to him) from which he supposedly thinks I have "exceptional talents" but what are those? going and complaining about Kant? fucking up my grammar spectacularly? that's another reason why I can't feel too happy at his praise because he's a very kind-hearted man so he says for example I "speak Polish wonderfully and write fantastically" but that's not true. my speech is communicable (very messy) and my writing is decent but that's all. I don't think he would lie but I think he has too gentle an opinion. I don't know what my talents are. it's nice he thinks I have some though

also the thing is I don't even know, I might end up working with him next year if everything works out and I get into the interdisciplinary program I want because each student gets a "tutor" right. and they can ask whoever technically but certain ones will be suggested based on interest. and anyways I'm planning to focus on philosophy bc irregardless of my wish he was idk basically my father I guess it's also just very fascinating to me and then I think my secondary focus will be Japanese which he is also interested in so I can him being suggested especially when I think I have a lot more philosophical interest in common with him (fucking works in the aesthetics faculty hahahahahahahaha and interested in phenomenology, left politics, etc.) than say a professor of logic or ethics but even so. he might be too busy for that or maybe someone else will be suggested for other reasons in which case I will be too embarrassed to ask him or maybe I won't get into the program for circumstances reasons. but either way it's pathetic for me to care this much right? I objectively shouldn't and it's weird as hell

I forgot how I planned to end this post and now I'm sobering up anyways so idk. posting this before I get too entirely embarrassed. oh yeah I was wondering what am I going to do when I'm older? it's already laughable when I could have theoretically graduated university already if my life weren't so ??? and I'm still doing this but what about when I'm wrinkled?

I'd like to believe I'll have a better sense of self by then that doesn't rely on latching onto poor people just going about their lives. that's a nice thing to hope for. let's end this post on a positive note!

[sometimesraven]

What Do You Call A Double Life When It Doubles? || Chapter 4 FINAL

Fandom: Quantum Leap x Torchwood POV: Ian Wright

Summary: Jack makes an offer -- and Ian can't refuse. Literally.

(the last chapter, not the last crossover fic don't y'all worry~)

AO3 Link

Ian was quiet on the journey back to the city. They would be lying if they said they hadn't thought about their-.. attempt since it had happened all those years ago, but since breaking up with Rachel, being 'out' in public, the stress of this new job... It had crossed their mind. Something about being on the precipice of seeing those thoughts come true through no control of their own was enough to shake them silent. Gwen hadn't yelled at them again, at least. She mostly seemed to be worried, anyway.

"You know," Jack hummed about halfway into the awkward silence, "we have rules. Nobody was supposed to know about our little operation."

"Gonna arrest me?" they muttered, numbly staring out of the tinted window.

"We're supposed to wipe your memory, actually," Gwen said, her expression awkwardly apologetic, "...again."

"Again?"

"Doesn't matter," Jack hummed, "Not gonna do that this time."

"This t-- you wiped my memory?" Ian's shock was immediately forgotten, outrage taking over as they leaned to glare at Gwen, "That's what happened last time you visited-- Jenn thought I got drunk without her, what the cuss-"

"Cuss? Really?" Jack interjected, grinning boyishly at the term, "Okay, ignoring how much I wanna squeeze your adorable cheeks right now: it had to be done. The work we do is dangerous, Ian -- just knowing about it puts you in danger."

"So why not do it again?"

"Because I like you, Doctor Wright," Jack said simply, "I'm gonna make you an offer."

"Great," Ian groaned, pinching the bridge of their nose as they immediately saw where this was going. "I'm getting poached."

The laugh that rumbled in Jack's throat was almost fond, glancing up in the rearview mirror to address Gwen. "I like them -- have I mentioned I like them?"

"Few hundred times," she sighed.

"You can keep your job, Ian," Jack hummed, "But I want you part-time. I'll have a talk with Magic, see what we can figure out; if he's anything like Al was I'm sure he'll work with me."

"What would I be doing?" they wondered despite themself, "Because just for the record I suck at fighting, like I took some self-defense but I don't think that'll work against literal aliens. And I'm not great in a crisis. Or long-haul flights. Or-"

"Relax, oh my god," Gwen laughed softly, "You'll be doing tech, don't worry."

"You're rebuilding Quantum Leap -- we're doing the same with Torchwood, and we need a systems op," Jack explained, "All we'd need you to do is programming our base, then a couple trips per year for maintainence and emergencies."

"Oh." They could do that. "What if I say no?"

"Memory go bye-bye."

"Right. Love a nothing choice." There were worse ultimatums, they guessed, returning to staring out of the window as they pulled through half a dozen security checkpoints.

They were still pondering even as they led Jack and Gwen into the building, heading straight for Magic's office. Could they really do this? Coding another supercomputer sounded like fun, but they already had so much to do at Quantum Leap, and the danger-..

Not that they hadn't already been in danger just by association. Twice, apparently. Maybe they'd be safer knowing what to look for; what to expect. They could get Ziggy to run a few algorithms in secret to detect alien activity in advance, maybe run a database of sightings...

"Hey, Jack?"

Jack paused mid-stride, just before Magic's door, and gave them a quizzical smile.

"I'll do it."

Jack and Gwen shared a glance and a smile, the former reaching his hand to take and shake Ian's. "Welcome aboard, Doc."

[casspurrjoybell-33]

Blue's Rose - Chapter 28 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

Boys Will Come Out

Blue Cavanaugh & Kulap 'Kool' Somboon

"We are moving your marriage to Mia up and you are not to meet up with him again."

That game he had likened them to playing, over.

Kulap sucked air into his lungs as he sat there feeling lost, defeated.

He had spoken his biggest secret and he had been rebuffed 'by his mother'.

He had divulged and had been rejected 'by his mother'.

He had been found unworthy 'by all people, his mother'.

Her revulsion to his declaration was more painful than he thought it would be.

He thought she no longer had the power to hurt him.

He had been wrong.

Why had he expected anything different?

The non-humorous thought crossed his mind that it shouldn't be called 'coming out' but 'opening up' because in telling his mother his lifelong secret he had opened himself to one unexpected horrible heinous response after another.

He sighed and shook his head wearily.

The meeting had gone nothing like he had planned.

He was still confidant she would say nothing to his father.

It was clear by her parting words that she considered the status quo to stand at the same.

He would marry Mia, continue to run the business and the Somboon heir would soon be born.

Her perfect world would continue to rotate on its axis.

It evidently didn't matter that his would be wobbling.

Kulap stood on shaky legs and ran his hand down his face, imagining he could erase with his palm the haunted look he could literally feel plastered across it.

With a calm he did not feel, he turned and made his way out of his mother's office and straight out of the house.

He only had one destination in mind.

As if programmed by GPS, Kulap on autopilot made the appropriate turns and stops and navigated his way safely to Blue's hotel.

He got out and walked casually, looking like any other guest in the hotel, as he made his way across the lobby to the elevator doors.

He exuded limitless patience as he waited for the lift to arrive and as it stopped floor by floor on its way up to level nine.

Kulap handled it all with smooth aplomb.

He knocked lightly at Blue's door, happy that he was feeling more in control.

He would have hated to have arrived distraught and worried Blue.

Now he could walk in and they could talk about things and he could show Blue he was alright and better yet he could make sure Blue was okay.

Blue opened the door within seconds of Kulap's taps.

It was clear he had been anxiously awaiting his arrival.

The two of them stared at each other for long moments across the threshold.

Blue's eyes searching his, Kulap dodging the visual examination as he stepped into the room, hearing Blue close the door behind him.

That was all it took for his fake calm to disintegrate.

The sound of the lock clicking into place acted as a catalyst.

Kulap's body and all of his suppressed emotions galvanized into action as one.

His well-maintained control suddenly evaporated into thin air.

His body shook, his throat worked, and his eyes burned.

Kulap whipped around and threw himself unhesitating into Blue's already opened and quietly waiting arms.

The two of them just held each other tight.

************

Long moments later, Blue released Kulap enough to turn his body so they could shuffle their way over to the bed.

Blue leaned down and plumped up the pillows then turned to sit down his back upright against their downy softness.

As soon as he was settled, he pulled Kulap down to sit within the vee of his legs, his back snuggled to his chest, Blue's big arms tucked tightly around him from behind, cocooning him in his comfort.

They sat together in silence, Blue's chin resting on Kulap's head, his lips occasionally leaning downward to kiss the prickly softness of his hair.

"I officially came out to my mom today," Kulap finally admitted into the silence.

He felt Blue's muscles tighten, in his shoulders, arms, and thighs that surrounded him so tightly.

"Not," he added.

"That she needed my confirmation since she obviously already knew."

"So, she showed you the pictures?" Blue groaned leaning his forehead down on the crown of Kulap's head, hating that he had been put through that.

"What pictures?" Kulap suddenly asked, his body frozen in mortification.

Kulap felt Blue's hesitation to answer and he tried to turn his head first and then his body around to look at Blue but Blue held him tightly, not letting him move away from his protective hold.

"Shh," he whispered soothingly into his ear, kissing his temple.

"Shh," he repeated again and again, placing soft kisses and soothing the smaller man until Kulap's body became less rigid and he relaxed once again back against Blue.

"She had pictures?" Kulap whispered feeling repulsed.

Kulap was thankful.

Though his initial reaction had been to whip around and get all the details, Blue's refusal to allow him to had been the right call.

Sometimes a person just didn't need to know what would only hurt them.

"I'm sorry," Kulap murmured to Blue.

How ugly his family was and how that ugliness had touched Blue devasted Kulap.

"No way baby," Blue answered arms tightening along his waist.

"I don't want to hear that from you. Not about this. I don't owe you an apology and you don't owe me one, got it?"

Despite everything, Kulap felt a small smile lift his lips.

He loved how Blue talked.

He always sounded so familiar and approachable.

Comfortable like Kulap imagined a home should feel.

"Got it?" Blue asked again with a little shake of his arms around Kulap.

"Yes," Kulap answered the smile still present.

"How did it feel coming out?" Blue asked suddenly.

"What did you say? What did she say?"

If there ever was a way to make a smile disappear that was probably the quickest way to go about it.

Lips grim, face pensive, Kulap recalled that moment in his mind.

He had felt so brave and assured of himself and she had demolished him with her complete refusal to listen or accept and had gone so far as to insist he push up his marriage.

"All things considered, I think it could have gone better," Kulap answered.

Blue chuckled softly at Kulap's response, crooking his head to place a soft kiss on Kulap's sharp cheekbone.

"I think we should officially dub you the 'King of understatements'."

Kulap gave Blue what he wanted.

He smiled for him.

It was small and it didn't linger on his lips very long but it was the thought that counted.

"Are you going to tell me?" Blue prompted him, pulling his head back and leaning over to the other side of Kulap's face, kissing his other cheek.

He continued to hold Kulap tightly within the contours of his body and Kulap was so ever thankful for that.

A stray tear suddenly slipped from the corner of Kulap's eye.

It's path was short as it touched upon Blue's lips.

Blue licked at the salty dampness then cursed up under his breath.

Kulap's lips quivered as he tried to speak. It took him three attempts to voice a three worded question.

The pain behind the query, resonating through every syllable that he uttered.

"Am I disgusting, Blue?"

"Oh my God, Kool," Blue groaned as he squeezed the warm body in his arms tightly to him.

Kulap lost his control then, exhausted and verbally bruised inside and out he no longer could contain the pain inflicted by the woman who was his mother.

He raised his hands up to cover his face as he wept quiet tears, only his sniffles and shuttering breathing revealing his emotional release.

Blue held him throughout, at one-point Kulap wondered if Blue was crying too because he heard short snuffles along his ear and felt Blue's chest behind his head lift in short bursts before subsiding but he didn't glance back at him to confirm.

He didn't know what sort of a mess he would turn into if he saw Blue crying as well.

So instead, he burrowed his back deeper into Blue's chest and cried.

Two minutes... twenty minutes... two hours... later, Kulap was unsure having lost all track of time, the tears finally subsided.

Oddly enough, except for being sleepy, he felt better, almost lighter.

He even suddenly felt the need to laugh and he did so.

Kulap felt Blue stiffen beneath him and Kulap patted his large hands that were secured tightly together around his waist.

"I am fine," he assured him, realizing Blue may have thought he was about to go into a fit of hysterics when it was anything but.

[arpov-blog-blog]

GOP 2024 Is Weak, Struggling, A Raging Dumpster Fire - Top Trump advisor Steven Bannon is headed to jail, joining two other Trump advisors, Allan Weisselberg and Peter Navarro who recently reported to prison. Former House Speaker Paul Ryan said he isn’t supporting Trump, joining a growing list of prominent Republicans working against the GOP nominee. Trump’s struggles in keeping his coalition together showed up again in Indiana Tuesday night where long gone Nikki Haley got 22% of the vote. MAGA Rs tried to take down their own Speaker, again. A porn star talked of her adulterous affair with Trump in court this week, as he watched, silently, from a few feet away.

This morning the Washington Post published a remarkable story about the financial and organizational struggles of the Trump campaign and RNC. I literally laughed out loud a few times reading it. There is Olympian levels of GOP bullshit in here and all sorts of signs of serious dysfunction. Some excerpts:

Strategists for both major parties expect Democrats to raise and spend more than Republicans over the coming months, a dynamic that has been magnified by the significant legal costs Trump’s fundraising apparatus has absorbed to defend him in state and federal courts. The situation has alarmed GOP officials in key states like Arizona, Georgia and Michigan, who have yet to receive promised funding, staff or even briefings on the new plans since the Trump team took control of the Republican National Committee in March. An earlier party blueprint for a general election build-out has been discarded, party officials say. Plans to open new offices have been scuttled. Hiring has been slowed. “In order to win close elections in Georgia, you have to have a ground game that emphasizes turning out early votes and absentee votes,” said Cody Hall, a senior adviser to Gov. Brian Kemp (R). “I have seen no evidence of them having any of that. The Trump campaign has a consultant in Georgia, but there is nothing else that I can see. … Everyone is generally concerned.”

and…..

Arizona GOP chairwoman Gina Swoboda called RNC Chairman Michael Whatley on Monday to raise concerns that Arizona was not getting enough resources, according to three people familiar with the call, who like others for this article, spoke on the condition of anonymity to describe internal discussions…. “There is no sign of life,” said Kim Owens, a Republican operative and public relations professional in Arizona. “Especially in a state that Trump lost so closely last time, you’d expect to have more of a presence. I would think, ‘Let’s step it up.’ I think it’s a terrible mistake.” In Michigan, some of the state’s operatives and Republican lawmakers have grown concerned about a lack of an operation there, according to four people familiar with the matter…

and a reminder that the idiocy remains very very strong with Trump:

Trump himself has echoed that view in conversations with multiple top advisers, according to people familiar with the conversations. He has told people in charge of the RNC to focus on election security more than field programs, because he believes he will be able to personally motivate his voters to the polls in the fall, these people said. In private conversations with both Whatley and McDaniel, Trump told them to not worry about getting out the vote since he could do it himself. He told them to “focus on the cheating.” Party leaders say they are planning a massive operation around “election integrity,” with tens of thousands of volunteers who will monitor precincts and vote-counting across the country.

and……

But in the meantime, the complaints have continued. One person who works on battleground issues for the Trump campaign said there has been a lack of strategy articulated to workers in the field. “What they are totally missing is a rank-and-file army,” a Republican involved in Trump’s efforts said. Another key Republican familiar with the national GOP’s operation in Arizona bemoaned the lack of money, staffing and direction from Trump’s team in the sprawling battleground state. In 2020, he lost the state by 10,457 votes and its 11 electoral votes went to Biden. “They haven’t even sent a data person,” the Republican said. “I said to someone yesterday, ‘No one’s coming — it’s just us.’”

This story confirms something I’ve been writing about here for weeks - Trump is very behind Biden financially and organizationally, and simply is not going to be able to catch up this year. It’s all very Trumpian - all hat, no cattle. And it is a very very big problem for the Republican Party up and down the ballot in the battlegrounds and across the country."

[karma-and-faith]

“I don’t know, I was recommended a few projects to personally work on but I barely survived the last round.” Carmafe sighs, kicking her legs up in frustration. “I don’t want to think about fucking torsion and tolerances for another week- ugggggh!!” Her friend on the end of the call let Carmafe get all of her whining out before responding, already knowing that otherwise she’d be interrupted every other minute.

“Why don’t you just take a vacation? When was the last time you had one? When we all went to the summer islands 3 years ago?”

“I- Fuck, I guess it has been like 3 years.” Carmafe rubs her eyes and swipes her arm across the bed until she finds her discarded phone, “Maybe I do need a break. Would you want to come along?”

“Sorry sweetheart, I’ve got a big-“

“Project and the deadline’s coming up,” Carmafe finishes for her with a sigh. That’s the problem with half of your friends being contracted engineers and the other half being engineering consultants- someone always has a project and there’s always a deadline. Getting even 2 friends together for a lunch date was a 2 week affair. Of course she shouldn’t complain- how often had she rejected plans for the same reason?

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll take the day to think about where I want to go and then make the calls to see who’s free.” She rolls out of bed and steps into her slippers before heading out the door, “Call me back if you want to play hookie.”

“I’m literally working with explosives, I can’t!” Carmafe laughs at her friend’s distress before snapping her phone shut. She walks downstairs, pointedly looking away from her home office and goes straight to the kitchen.

“Water, soda, lemonade, y agua de jamica. So many options.” When the pantry turns out to be equally barren, she digs out a frozen lasagna she had prepped last week. “Really need to pick up groceries today, gonna be eating lemonade ice cubes for dinner if I don’t.”

While the lasagna bakes, she takes a minute to dust off her social media sites and check up on her other friends. As always, she goes to each page and scrolls down, liking every single post. No deaths, a few promotions, and a handful of photoshoots to honor the new season. After her little role call, she goes to aimlessly scroll through videos for a while but upon opening the app is immediately met with a girl crying about how she hadn’t been chosen and that there must be a bias because her essay was perfect. Carmafe checks the tags and then had to double check the date.

“Wow, they’ve already picked out the exchange students huh? But how does she know she didn’t get in?” Carmafe mulls over the video and decides to watch the promotional videos as she ate her lasagna.

The Royal Academy of Diavolo is proud to present its esteemed student council. It is our honor to open the doors of our school and welcome in a new generation of demons and humans alike to-

For as much as the video hyped up the program and intrigue of going to school in a different dimension, it didn’t say much about the school and kingdom itself. Everyone that went and came back was sworn to silence but had given generally positive reviews. Most of the negative ones were over petty shit like food preferences and the amount of walking and studying you had to do, but isn’t that just every college campus? The thought of returning to college and getting to study topics like magic and deadly toxins sent shivers up her spine, and Carmafe wonders for the hundredth time if her essay had been good enough.

As the leader of the “Fuck Around And Find Out” club, of course she had applied. Nothing on earth could compare to the thrill of just imagining going to live in a place with magic and demons, the moon looming over you for eternity. Another shiver of excitement course through her as she threw her plates into the dishwasher and scrolled back to the video of the crying girl, checking her comments for hints on how to know if you’d gotten in. Almost every comment was some kind of whine or complaint about not getting in, and those that weren’t were condemning everyone who applied. She switches to her email app but catches her breath form steam in the air. In under a second the room had darkened and she was chilled to the bone, a large purple portal tearing itself open in front of her.

“I guess that’s my acceptance letter.”

[jedidragonrider]

Just finished my Masters in Library Science Thursday (got word I passed my comps!!)

The amount of times I’ve had to defend my choice to get this degree is absurd.

I spent the last two years financing my degree while working at the library on the campus I got my degree at. The job I had was a coding job. I coded online library exhibits, managed databases from the back end, updated and maintained the website (so. Much. HTML and CSS coding, not to mention XML). I did not have a computer science degree but I was hired because I had taken one semester of basic python coding while in undergrad and libraries are struggling to get people who understand computers. I only got to check out books and sit at the reference desk when those departments needed someone to cover a shift. Other than that, I was in a back office fixing computer code.

Librarians do literally so much. She mentions in the video social work. I live in Washington DC, a big city with a huge homeless population. The public libraries here are crucial in helping the homeless find resources, in getting people on their feet, getting them medical care and counseling, etc. She also mentions librarians as teachers. Aside from teaching computer literacy skills like she did, librarians teach so many other skills. I took a whole class called Teaching Information Literacy that was about how to help people find information in a world that is so saturated with misinformation (how to find reputable sources, how to search correctly, etc.). A huge part of that class was also about how to teach, so we did mock lessons in front of the class, lesson planned, learned about different learning styles, basically things that my education major friends learned in their education classes in college. Librarians also are coders (I guess I can call myself a coder now) and experts in their own fields (many university librarians have higher level degrees in other fields like history, foreign language, philosophy, biology, etc. because they are the liaisons for those subject areas and therefore have to have expert knowledge in those areas). We have to negotiate license agreements (took a whole class on that) and develop collections, which goes beyond just ordering books off Amazon (also took a whole class on that). We catalog books into the library site so you can see them (that is some advanced coding that I am incredibly intimidated to learn but I have to for my next job).

I took a class on federal libraries two weeks ago, and we toured various federal libraries in DC such as the Library of Congress’s various reading rooms, the State Department, the Department of Justice library, etc. There was a theme in a lot of them of advocacy and how hard it is to advocate for the library’s existence. However, the director of the State Department library told us a story about how she was in a meeting with various department heads within the State Department (so basically a room full of some very VERY smart people) and they were freaking out because they needed a document but were convinced it would take weeks to find. They spent twenty minutes arguing about the best way to go about finding that document. Meanwhile, the library director is searching for it. After those twenty minutes, she stopped them and said “I have the document right here.” They were absolutely amazed at how she was able to seemingly pull it out of thin air. But no- she was using her highly specialized skill in finding information quickly to get them what they needed. That’s what is probably most heavily emphasized in library school (at least in my experience): learning how to search for information effectively.

You also have to consider different types of libraries. There are public libraries, sure- that’s the vision I had for myself when I started the MLIS program. But there’s also academic libraries, where I worked for the past two years and where I will start a job come September. There are school libraries within schools that serve students directly. There are specialized libraries like the federal libraries that have specific and narrow collection development focuses. There are archives and cultural heritage centers (I knew several people on the cultural heritage track; it’s such an interesting area of librarianship). There are historical centers and museums. Heck, the federal government loves hiring people with MLIS degrees because we are taught how to organize things efficiently and easily for everyone to understand. I read an article once that shared a statistic from one MLIS program where 98% of their graduates don’t even work in a library; they work in big corporations doing data science work organizing company data. We have those skills too!

We are not just people who check our books and shelve them. We are so much more.