#Posts like this already exist but I wanted my turn to speculate

[artisticxlly]

Some (actually a lot) of my thoughts on Kagehina; the theme of soulmates

Disclaimer: I am still somewhat new to posting in this fandom. Someone might've posted these same exact takes already (I'm not well-versed in Kagehina analyses). This is just my pure brainrot (also unfiltered, so this doesn't have a ton of structure, just a collection of thoughts)!

As I'm getting more into this ship, there are a lot of things that make me emotional about them.

A thing some people point out when it comes to these two is that Kageyama's backstory is shown extremely late in the manga as a 'protagonist' (or at the least a very essential character). You can argue whether or not it's done well, but for me this is perfect to demonstrate a full-circle moment, as not only did Kageyama find this person that Kazuyo promised would find him, you as the reader only get to realise that now as well.

And adding onto that, in my opinion it also contrasts nicely with Hinata, as his backstory is shown from day one, it is one of the first things explored in the manga. It starts and ends with them, so to say.

About their backstories: As someone who is very much invested in Kageyama's whole arc of 'king of the court', here is a speculation of how he actually got to that point.

Maybe this is a bit obvious, but losing someone like Kazuyo is devastating. And at the time, Kageyama would struggle with making new friends. He always stands out in those flashback panels as someone who carries a passion for volleyball like no one else (at least for his childhood) e.g., he gets made fun of for not owning any video games.

At its core, that intense interest in volleyball is what connected him and his grandfather so deeply.

It makes sense for Kageyama to desperately dig his nails into that remainder of Kazuyo, to train more and more, chasing that feeling of connection to someone he was actively grieving.

And another point would be this famous panel:

"If you get really good". And Kageyama takes his word for it, because really, his grandfather would be one of the people he trusts more than anything. And he practices until exhaustion, until he can't, because he wants to have a relationship (no matter the nature) like that again, wants a deep connection that he gains through his passion for the sport. He wants someome to find him.

I think Kageyama would reach a point where the amount of time he invests into training would be both physically and mentally unhealthy.

And perhaps, that's what also leads to him having no compassion for the people who don't share the same fire as him on the court (which is honestly a bit of a common theme for Haikyuu and its characters). He'd probably doubt a person who is like what Kazuyo described exists.

And then Kageyama and Hinata meet for the first time one the court.

The first time you read the chapter, without knowing Kageyama's backstory, it's moreso framed that he is insensitive, a bit of a jerk too. You could even go as far as to interpret the line as "what have you been doing until now?!" as Kageyama thinking that Hinata should've just practised harder, especially when he later goes on to say that Hinata should get "better" if he truly wants to stay on the court for as long as possible.

When you reread the chapter after going through the whole manga though, these lines make a lot more sense, and - depending on your perspective - are a peek into just how taken Kageyama is when faced with someone who has an equal drive as him on the court.

"what have you been doing until now?!" turns into "why havent I met you sooner?" and "get better" turns into "get better (than me), so we can find each other again" (As Kazuyo promised Kageyama).

And actually, Kazuyo's promise doesn't become fully realised until they're both on the court again, now in different teams.

That's why the flashback to that line is used then, not when Hinata and Kageyama first bond together in Karasuno. Not when they make it to nationals. No, when they're in different teams, after you see Hinata go through a whole lot of development away from Kageyama, then the promise is finally fullfilled. You could argue back and forth which one of them ended up being "someone better" but the point is that they found each other again because of it. Doesn't even really matter that they're on different sides of the court.

That's their arc, at least if you focus on Kageyama's backstory.

In general though, they are characters that continue to parallel each other, over and over. The amount of which is honestly almost absurd.

One of the biggest ones is just how much time they invest into practicing. The manga makes it a point with both of them that the people around them don't have the same energy as them and get tired out while those two continue (like maniacs /hj).

I mean, they even like the gym for the same reason, they're fond of the smell (which makes me mushy I won't lie, these goddamn weirdos /aff).

Another one is that they both want to play as long as possible. During the first chapter of the manga, this whole theme drags through the whole chapter, as they both talk about competing to get to stay on the court longer than anyone else.

A last one, that I just find funny, is that their numbers are ALWAYS one apart and sometimes even the same as in previous teams, EXCEPT for their third year in high school.

Junior high 3rd year: 2 and 1

High school 1st year: 9 and 10

High school 3rd year: 2 and 5

Adlers/Msby: 20 and 21

National team (2021): 9 and 10

Ali Roma/Asas São Paulo: 20 and 21

Like it's not funny, how much these two share even before knowing each other. And yet, despite all the similarities, they don't immediately get along in the way you'd think. There is this weird tension where they meet, they immediately get into an argument, too. But there is nuance to it. Izumi points it out actually, that Kageyama took Hinata seriously. The rest of the people there didn't think much of Hinata and his team, and yet Kageyama seemed to have this 'innate' sense that Hinata wasn't someone you should underestimate.

And they fight again, when trying to get into Karasuno, when they're in Karasuno, etc. etc. But it's never them genuinely disliking each other, it's just bickering at most. And as you read along you grow very fond of that aspect of them.

Maybe it is an overused word, but I don't think you could make it any clearer that those two are written to be soulmates.

Anyways, those are my thoughts! I'm obviously not normal about them, but I hope someone else can agree with these takes ^^

[ask-jiro-kirisaki]

Relationship Headcanons

Being in a relationship with Jiro would require a large amount of patience at first. Given his lack of social awareness, he would often need to be told what you need from him. You would need to sit him down and have a conversation about what kind of affection you like as he often just does what he's told. Finding out what he likes would take a bit of exploring. He rarely thinks of his own needs, so it's likely he doesn't even know what he wants. Once he does figure things out, you'll find him just going for what he wants, within reason. Don't be surprised if hugs and kisses come out of nowhere. He might pull you to sit on his lap or carry you someplace where he can keep you to himself. Jiro takes the path of least resistance, so be sure to tell him what you're not okay with. He will do his absolute best to commit it to memory. The goober sometimes forgets his own strength, so you may find your feet leaving the floor more often than you think. After a while, you'd begin to wonder if it's an accident or if he's lifting you on purpose. I think once he gets a taste of physical affection, he'll start to crave it. He'll hold you close while you're snuggled up together and he's reading a book. He'll start absently playing with your hair or leaning on you. He might even reach for your hand if you're close enough and otherwise unoccupied. The feeling of your warmth is a pleasure that he seeks over and over again. He tends to run a little cold in his extremities, so brace yourself for cold hands. Once he knows what you like, he will dote on you as much as he can. He has a hard time expressing emotion, so he compensates with these acts to make sure you felt as loved and appreciated as you make him feel. If there's ever a proposal, don't expect any grand, sweeping gestures. One day, when he feels it to be the appropriate timing, he'll just bring it up as casually as asking what's for dinner. He doesn't see the need for anything else when it's just a simple question. If you end up saying no, it wouldn't hurt his feelings any. He'd simply conclude it's not the right time and try again later (unless you explicitly say marriage isn't in the cards). Patience will still be required as he has a chronic illness. He'll need frequent treatments. He can't eat or drink anything without assistance. He gets sick easily. His wounds reopen frequently. Even so, he tries to work and make you happy, so it might become your job to make sure he gets rest. He can be easily coerced back into bed with some cuddles if he's not feeling well though. I'll make a separate post for the NSFW stuff once I figure that out.

[copperpipes]

I spec bio'ed Ultraman from Ultraman:Rising for fun (part 1)

the actual file I've written (and still writing) is now far over 2k words, so I desided to break it down to a series of posts so that it would be easier to digest, but if you don't want to wait for me to get them one by one out you can just go and read that long ass file yourself/lh

I understand that the film wasn't meant to be looked into on this level, at the end of the day this is just fan speculative biology, not an official theory, nor is it law, if you find a scientific inaccuracy i'll gladly hear you out in the comments to this post. but essentially what i'm doing here is having fun in my own silly little way :]

I've done some research into ultra physiology and some things didn't make sense to me, partially because there are more than one iteration all with their own worldbuilding, but I'll do my best to try and piece them all together without losing the source material too much.

[updated ultra Kenji design]

(The rest under cut) vvv

fact no.1

ultras are aliens and before they were ultras they were humans (or humanoids, or human-like, i'd like to believe so and i will do you one better).

not going to spoil much but something happened, and they were forced to build this thing called the ultra-spark to keep their civilization going, and the ultra-spark turned them all into giants, ultras.

fact no.2

the weapons ultraman uses (those buzzsaws thingies, shields, beams and glowing fists) are made out of something called spacium energy, positive running through the right side of ultraman’s body and negative running through the left, with the spacium beam appearing when he connects those energies by crossing his arms.

fact no.3

Ultraman himself is made of spacium energy and its presence is vital for him to exist. the ultra-spark is what gave and gives the ultra species spacium energy, ultras can also produce it on their own using other types of energy (solar energy on earth for example) but are not as efficient as the source material, hence why on earth ultraman’s energy runs out quicker then it would for example in space where energy is more abundant.

What is spacium wasn't completely clear to me, what I understood was that Ultraman has it (I think it was his skin that was made out of spacium?) and uses it to convert solar energy into spacium energy. 

I think spacium is meant to be an original element. and from what a mutual kindly told me (thank you @bazookaboi!!) its atomic number is 133. very very unstable in natural environments and extremely radioactive, so with all due respect allow me to ignore that entirely and let it remain a mystery for everyone’s sake.

fact no.4

ultras as a culture have a very strong sense of justice and moral code. (and I guess very emotionally intelligent? empathetic? but i'm not sure about this part ;-;)

Now let us finally start with the Ultra spec bio:

i'll start from the less obvious half for my own sake, you may skip this part if you're here just for Kenji’s human part (which i won't blame you for the designers cooked with this one) but just so you know there would be parts you won't be able to understand.

general ultra spec bio: physiology and body structure (my favorite part):

Do ultras breathe? was my first question and my answer would be, i don't think so.

down to the cellular level cells use oxygen in order to generate chemical energy that comes in the form of ATP, out of glucose and oxygen with ATP and CO2 as the outcome. (The difference between animal and plant cells is how they get their glucose.)

Now ultras don't seem to eat, and why would they? and breathing is not necessary since they already get the energy they need from spacium converting outside energy into spacium energy, on the outside there’s the spacium, and on the inside there’s the spacium energy just running around. it can be let out in certain areas of the body, but essentially this energy is all held together by the ultra’s skin (also probably why ultras have no openings on their body, so there wouldn't be a leakage of their life soup).

An ultra's internal structure is unknown, or at least I haven't been able to find anything on the matter, but in the movie both Kenji and his dad get injured, which means that there is something to be damaged.

i really like how the film handles injury actually, it shows explicitly the consequences of a serious injury and how it can sometimes be a life changing thing. It has a blatant effect long or short term and I need someone to analyze it more in depth. I know someone will eventually.

part 1

All the people who wanted this, i call thee.

next, part 2

@wtf-a-psychoanalysis @fantasma-espacial @spuuks-s @theviewer @whimsicalloser @m1lf-hunter-69

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

Do you have any specific idioms that you’ve come up with for Rohan?

Yes! I’ve got a huge mishmash of adages, idioms, little sayings and turns of phrase that I’ve made up over time for use among the Rohirrim. A bunch of them are in old posts, which I can’t locate because Tumblr’s search function is garbage, so here’s just a random helping from memory in all of the above categories:

“Crumbs will do when crumbs must do” (often shortened to just “crumbs will do”). Leftover from the famine of the Long Winter, it means “stop whining and make do with what’s available.”

“The proof is on the tongue.” This refers to the cultural tradition that the way to recognize whether a stranger is a friend or foe is to see if they can speak Rohirric, but it gained added nuance after the reign of Thengel, when he came back from Gondor speaking Sindarin and Westron all the time, which rubbed people back home the wrong way. Now it’s used as sort of a general expression about whether something or someone is genuinely of Rohan.

“Cirion didn’t win alone.” Based on Cirion coming to Eorl to ask for his assistance (which ultimately led to the Oath of Eorl and the founding of Rohan), it means “don’t be too proud to ask for help when you need it.”

“[Person] rides with their hands at their chest.” Proper riding posture has your hands at hip level, but amateurs often end up raising them higher to keep their balance (rather than making the correction in their seat as they should). Basically, this is one of the harshest insults you can fling at someone by insinuating that their horsemanship is bad.

“He’s going to hear Béma’s horn.” Referring to Oromë’s sounding of his great horn as he rode against the servants of Morgoth, it means that someone did something very stupid and now he’s going to face wrath for it.

“The glory of the grass is the glory of the field.” I stole a version of this from one of my favorite books, Matrix by Lauren Groff, but I think it’s perfect for a kingdom of plains and grasslands where collectivism is necessary for survival. One blade by itself is nothing, but a field has shape and substance and beauty. And if your field is not doing well, your personal glory as a single blade is still diminished even if your blade is thriving.

“[Person] has gone with Ácith.” Ácith is the Rohirric name for Béma’s wife. Flowers bloom in her wake, and so they believe that the appearance of simbelmynë on their graves means that she’s been there to escort the dead person on to their after life. So to “go with Ácith” means that someone has died.

I *also* really like thinking about unique words that would exist in Rohirric and not in other languages. I’m already on record as saying that I think they have DOZENS of words for “horse” that recognize different distinctions and nuances that no one else bothers with, but I’ve also speculated that they’ve got words like something that translates directly as “oath honor” and means the pride of having fulfilled your promises/commitments at great personal cost.

I totally LOVE this stuff and could sit around thinking about these all day every day, so if anyone else has examples that they want to throw out there, please do. I would LOVE to see them!

Check out part two here!

[perseruna]

Endiness made a beautiful long post with all his quotes on that topic that I think is very informative and worth looking at, so here’s a link to that. And with that already discussed, I thought I’d make a thread of all his changes that we are aware of, because when you look into them, you find that none of his “book accurate” changes are actually book accurate. 

His decision to make Geralt grunt and cut his lines.

HC: "All the grunts, I either added or I didn't say anything and just grunted instead. It was often up to the other actors to go, 'I think he's not gonna say anything now.'"

JB: "Henry likes to cut his lines, 'cause he's lazy. No, he literally just likes to cut them. He likes to do more up here [frames his face with his hands] and just with face and hmms and grunts. There's a lot of hmms, and so I often have to take a lot of his lines and turn it into a lot of my stuff so that the plot happens."

So, as everyone who has read the books knows that Geralt is and always has been a yapper. Gerakt often talks or thinks in monologues, and definitely not in short grunts.

Of course when the audience started making fun of Geralt for not being able to speak in full sentences Henry promptly went back on admitting the blame and instead said that the big bad writers were the ones who didn't give him lines, and now it was his life’s mission to fight for a book accurate Geralt who speaks. 

Roach’s death scene

After S2 came out, Lauren received a lot of backlash for Roach’s death scene, with multiple sources citing that she wanted the moment to be more “comedic” before the brave Henry Cavill stepped in and refused to participate in such horrible anti source material activities.

LH: "Henry was so unhappy with the line. Finally I said, 'You know what, you come up with something. I trust you, you know this material so well, you know the book so well, you don't even have to pitch it to me.' And he came back the next day with a beautiful speech that's at the end of 'Sword of Destiny' when Geralt is facing death.”

This is the line he ended up using:

“Enjoy your last walk across the meadow and through the mist. Be not afraid of her for she is your friend."

This was Lauren’s response AND the original line.

LH: “Here's what was scripted, in homage of the fact that a previous Roach had existed, and another one will exist soon. It's hardly a joke. Henry wanted a longer, more emotional moment, which I was more than happy to give him. Don't create drama where none exists.”

So in S2 Geralt ends up quoting a part of his monologue from ‘Sword of Destiny’ when he’s at his lowest after thinking that Yennefer had died at the battle of Sodden Hill, and he has nothing left to live for. Which to me doesn't work that well with Roach at all. That line was a response to Geralt thinking he's lost the love of his life, not his horse. In my opinion, the original line Lauren penned out is more heartfelt and actually more emotional and more book accurate as well.

The absolute removal of any Triss and Geralt “romance”

This one we don’t have that much information on in comparison to others. But there were multiple reports that at the beginning of S2 Triss and Geralt were supposed to have some kind of a romantic scene with each other which then was cut during production, and it was largely speculated that it was due to Henry Cavill. 

“Several months ago we reported on a sex scene happening between Geralt and Triss, sometime in the first half of Season 2. That didn’t happen, as we all saw, but here’s what we know about the original plan for that: Geralt and Triss are in a room together, they seem friendly at first. They are playing some kind of weird game. Whoever wins a round, gets to ask a question. We’re not privy to the exact flow of the conversation, but it eventually leads to both of them ending up in bed. We can only guess why this was cut, but perhaps it was thanks to Henry Cavill.”

Now, irrelevantly on your feelings on book Triss and Geralt you have to admit that that short-lived “romance” is indeed a part of the books and therefor book accurate. So the removal of it would go against Mr I’m fighting to make this show as much book accurate as possible. 

The removal of the Yen and Geralt sex scene in S2

"We just wanted to be very careful that it was true and real, and it didn't turn into something that we, as actors, didn't believe it should be," Cavill stated. When Yennefer and Geralt unite, they embrace, but it doesn't go further than that. He continued: "We wanted it to be emotional rather than sexual. It was really, really important, and we had to lean away from what was originally on the page." Initially, Geralt and Yennefer were written to have a more passionate night. Henry Cavill and Anya Chalotra went to "The Witcher" producers and explained why they thought a steamy evening was not the way to go. "These are people who believe one thing about the fate of another and then find out something else is true," Cavill said about Geralt believing Yennefer was dead. "That's not how they behave," the actor added. "How they behave is they just want to be with the person and emotionally recognize their existence again in that shared space.”

This one is a bit tricky because I am willing to get behind an actor who doesn't want to do a sex scene out of comfort reasons or whatnot, but Henry saying that "That's not how [Yennefer and Geralt] behave”, is quite absurd in my opinion. Because that is very much how Geralt and Yennefer behave, especially in the short stories and ToC. They are inherently a very sexual couple who come crashing in and out of each other’s lives while having very passionate sex. But I can understand wanting this scene to be more “emotional” (as if sex isn't emotional), so this one I am willing to give him a bit more leeway on. (But then again looking at the blinds saying that he refused any sex scenes because oh his “ideals” and was allegedly really nasty to Anya about it, well..)

Geralt being the perfect father figure to Ciri with no flaws and no struggles (which inevitably snowballed into the Yen Betrayal Arc)

This one I don’t see talked that much at all, and to me this one is his most detrimental one. 

@LHissrich: “In interviews, Henry explains how he felt strongly that Geralt NOT be bumbling, nor a struggling father figure. In fact, a lot of S2 is about how Geralt does come from a loving (albeit unconventional) family. Henry was passionate about this shift, and we discussed it a lot, and ultimately thought it was wonderful for his character development. But it also had the domino effect of changing what Ciri needed from Yen when she entered the picture. Thus, introducing the idea of balance.”

So I don’t know about you, but I love when characters have flaws and naturally progress be it for good or bad, some would say that that's what story telling is about, well that someone wouldn't be Henry Cavil. Geralt being a struggling father figure at first, someone who makes mistakes and learns from them and tries is very much a prominent theme in Blood of Elves and is actually very real, people make mistakes! Especially in huge shifts such as “becoming a father overnight’ but we didn't get that because Henry refused to play it that way. What we got is Geralt who already basically knows exactly how to parent, he always knows what to say, what pep talk to give and also doesn't hold any resentment and any negative feelings towards Vesemir at all. It's all one dimensional happy family here! Which goes against not only the books but what he preached about fighting tooth and nail to make the “forgotten” male characters three-dimensional as well because the horrible feminist Lauren only thinks about female characters. 

Lauren then goes on saying that “it also had the domino effect of changing what Ciri needed from Yen when she entered the picture. Thus, introducing the idea of balance” So, it is fair to speculate that Henry’s refusal to showcase Geralt having any flaws at all and act book accurate snowballed into The Controversial Yennefer Betrayal Arc. 

These are the ones that I can remember off the top off my head, so there might be more, there’s probably more that we aren’t even aware of. I think putting them all together showcase a very interesting picture. One of Henry Cavill never actually understanding who Geralt fundamentally is as a character, and of him not being a team player at all. I just hope that more and more people are aware of the insane PR his team did for him when it came to this show, and that more people are able to see through it. 

[sister-lucifer]

READ THE FIRST PART HERE 

READ PART THREE HERE

Genre: Fluff, a bit angsty but has a happy ending, not explicitly romantic

Summary: It’s been raining all day, and the gloomy weather has you thinking about what could’ve been, and especially what never will be.

Content/Warnings: Brief mentions of alcohol, brief mention of death/suicide, it’s a little sad, I guess? But that’s it. Reader just speculates on how life would’ve been if the Operator hadn’t fucked them over and gets down about it, but theres a happy ending. 

Like my writing? I take requests! NSFW or SFW for any fandoms in my bio (request rules + masterlist in pinned post)!

Also, please reblog! it’s free, takes two seconds, and really helps me out 

Feedback is encouraged and appreciated:)

Not fully proofread! Let me know if you see any errors!

It’s raining again. Not that that’s new. Springtime out here sees its fair share of storms. Normally you’d observe the rain from inside, but today something inside was gnawing at you for some fresh air. 

The old rocking chair creaks beneath your weight, moving to and fro softly as you watch the rain. It comes down in sheets off the sides of the cover, splattering to the muddy ground and making a shallow moat around the patio. It lands loudly on the old tin roof, rattling and groaning in a manner that is far too dramatic. It obscures anything beyond the perimeter of the cabin and hides everything in a misty haze. 

It’s going to be foggy tomorrow, you think. It usually is when it rains like this. It’ll be cold for the next few days, too, and the ground will be soggy for weeks. Miserable weather, that is. Not that that’s new. 

It’s a good day to wonder, that’s all. You’ve been doing plenty of that lately. A bit too much, maybe, but there’s no helping that. 

You’ve been living out here with Tim for…shit. How long has it been? Almost a year, you think, but your perception of time is unreliable at best. It’s just one of the many things you lost when your world turned upside down.

That’s what it’s really about. The loss. Tim doesn’t like to talk about it, but you know you both feel it, him even more so than you. He was going to go to college, get a degree, and he’d be damn good at it, too. He was going to find a place of his own, maybe adopt a dog, a big old Saint Bernard like he had when he was a boy, the only type of housemate that wouldn’t annoy him. That’s what he’s told you, anyways. Not sober, of course, not even close; he’d never tell you anything that personal without at least a bit of alcohol in his system. He’s been drinking less since you showed up, though. You noticed he was cutting back a couple months after you moved in. You wonder if you’ll ever get him to open up like that again.

But those were Tim’s plans. He was already in his mid twenties when things really went south, you were barely out of high school when everything started. You didn’t really have plans. So…what are you mourning, exactly? 

You don’t really have an answer to that. 

You didn’t really have a set path for yourself. Your plan barely existed, and it’s feeble skeleton was little more than an intention to simply float around until something caught your eye. You’d find your way eventually, there was no need to worry. At least, that’s what you used to think. 

Now where do you go?

You didn’t have any real plans, no, and you can’t mourn something that never existed, but it there’s this heavy feeling that comes with knowing you’ll never be able to choose. 

That’s what it comes down to, you realize. Choice. 

No, you didn’t have any plans, but that was because you had all the options you could ever want. Now, you don’t have any plans because you’ve only got one. 

Tim does everything he can to keep you entertained out here. Hell, he risks his life every time he walks down the path to his truck to go to town for you, or when he just steps off the porch to refill the bird feeder he knows you love to watch. Nothing outside of these walls in these woods is safe. If it weren’t raining so hard, he’d tear you a new one for even sitting on the porch. 

It’s a miserable existence, but it’s so nice to have someone to be miserable with, even if he can’t change anything. 

You just wish that was enough to push away that yearning for more, that subtle thrumming ache that only wells up in your stomach late at night, that want that urges you to just take the truck and leave, to forget this cabin and Tim and everything in these godforsaken woods. 

But you can’t. 

You’d die. And even if you didn’t, the guilt of stranding Tim would eat you alive, especially knowing he’d kill himself before letting that thing get him. 

You don’t want to think about that. You push the thoughts away before they can take root in your mind. It’s better to just not consider that possibility at all. 

You jump when you hear the front door open. You look back to see Tim standing there, one hand buried in his pocket and the other still on the door handle. 

“The hell are you doin’ out here?” He huffs, “I been yellin’ for ya, thought you up and ran off.” 

You give him a weak smile, but you can’t keep it up for very long. You pull your knees to your chest and rest your chin on them, curling up as if trying to make yourself look as small as possible. You mumble an apology, but don’t look at him. 

He pauses, then, and you can imagining his expression changing to confusion and then concern before he covers it up again. His footsteps come up behind you, the wooden porch creaking beneath him. His hand grabs the back of the rocking chair and forces it to still before he pulls it backward to get a look at you.

“…What’s up with you, kid?” 

You shrug. It’s an easier response than an explanation, but it doesn’t satisfy him at all. 

“C’mon, we both know that’s bullshit,” He says with a dry chuckle, and he’s entirely correct. “What’s goin’ on?”

You sigh, thinking for a moment about your answer. 

“…It’s just…I dunno. Do you ever, like…think about what would’ve happened if you hadn’t…you know…”

It’s a stammering, stumbling attempt at explaining yourself, but he understands. He nods, crossing his arms and leaning back against the house. 

“Yeah, sometimes,” He replies, scratching at his stubble, “But if I’m bein’ honest, it ain’t gonna do you any good. That sorta thing only gets ya down.”

He’s right about that, too. If only it were that easy to just stop. It’s just so hard not to wonder at least every once in a while, it’s human nature. You just wish you knew when to stop. You just wish you were able to ignore the ‘what if’s that piled up in the back of your mind until they couldn’t stand anymore and toppled over into a pathetic mess of rubble. They’ll crush you one day if you aren’t careful, but such an idea seems almost inevitable. 

“Do you think—“ You start, but stop short before you can get any further. Tim quirks a brow, and you don’t have to look at him to know he’s making that skeptical face. 

“…Do I think what?” He asks. 

You hesitate to answer. Is this really a question you want to ask? If this starts an argument you won’t be able to take back, will it ruin the comfort you and Tim have finally managed to establish with each other? You can’t just not tell him now, though, or you’ll just piss him off more. He doesn’t care for secrets, but he can’t stand when someone wusses out of a conversation at the last second. 

“…Do you think if you had the chance you would…like, go back in time? If you could make it to where none of this ever happened, would you?”

You feel stupid asking that, and it doesn’t help that Tim is silent for far too long before he answers. You’re already regretting this. 

Tim finally opens his mouth, and he stammers for a few moments before his sounds turn into words.

“…I don’t really think I can answer that, kid. That’s a tough one.” 

He sounds monotone, almost uncaring, but you can tell he’s doing it on purpose

to conceal whatever he doesn’t want you to know he’s feeling. You finally turn to look at him with a look that says ‘Can you please try?’ 

His eyes widen for a moment, his shoulders tensing in that subtle way they only do when he’s scared. His lips part slowly, and it sounds like he’s forcing his next words out. 

“I don’t know. Maybe? I…”

He trails off, and you turn away again. Then there’s silence for another few moments. 

Then he’s beside your chair, slowly lowering himself to sit down and doing that annoyed groan he does anytime he has to strain his back. He takes a moment to get comfortable, and you see him reach for his pocket to grab a cigarette only to sigh in disappointment when he realizes he left them inside. You feel bad for smiling, but at least he won’t be able to hide behind his smoke the way he likes to when a conversation makes him uncomfortable. 

He accepts his fate, leaning back on his hands and staring out into the rain with you. 

“I might,” He finally says, “But it wouldn’t be an easy choice.” 

“Why not?” You ask, and for some reason he chuckles at that. 

“Good question. This isn’t how I expected things to end up, no one does, but…I couldn’t just up and leave this.” 

‘This’ he says. ‘This?’ That hardly answers your question. You quirk a brow at him, and he begrudgingly continues. 

“You know, I just…I’ve gotten attached to all this—“ 

“What’s this, exactly?” You interrupt, and he winces like he was hoping you wouldn’t ask that. “I can’t imagine there being anything here worth sticking around for.”

“…There wasn’t. Not for a long time,” He says, and now it’s your turn to pause. 

“…What did you say?” 

“There wasn’t,” He repeats, “Not until…not when I was alone. But now…” 

‘You,’ you realize that’s what he’s trying to say, ‘You are the only thing worth staying for.’ 

For some reason, that hurts. Maybe you feel guilty that you ever thought about leaving him, or maybe you feel bad that you of all people are his only friend. The bar for happiness is really low around here. 

You slowly unfurl from your spot on the chair, letting your feet rest on the porch as you slump down a bit. 

“So…you’re saying you wouldn’t?”

You expected an immediate answer. Stupid of you, really. He’s hesitating again. You’d thought you’d get a quick yes or no. You’re not sure if this is better or worse. 

“I’m not…saying anything,” Tim assures you, “I’m just saying that…I’d at least have to think about it.” 

“Yeah, but you have to make a choice,” You say with an eye roll, and the words coming out more forceful than you intended. Fortunately, his stoney exterior deflects any vitriol you could spew at him. 

The silence that settles over you this time is heavy. It makes you slump even further down in your chair. You hate the silence that always follows when you say something that turned out far too mean. 

You don’t breathe until Tim speaks again.

“Okay, yeah…I would.” 

You don’t know how you feel about that answer, but you don’t have much time to think before he continues. 

“But only because I’d know where to find you this time.” 

That surprises you. You sit back up in your chair, looking down at him with an unmistakably confused look. 

“Huh?” You blurt out, and your cheeks warm a bit when he chuckles at your noise of bewilderment.

“I’d do it, yeah, but I couldn’t just leave you to fend for yourself,” He explains, “I’d do it, but I wouldn’t abandon you. Now I know who you are, what you liked to do, where you’d hang out, all those things from before shit hit the fan. I just don’t want you to think I’d, ya know…forget about you like that. I’d come find you, that’s all. I think we’d find each other anyways, though.”

Something in your chest aches as he speaks, and it makes you want to curl up again, but you can’t move. You stare at him for a long few moments, and you’re lucky he doesn’t look up at you because you wouldn’t be able to pull your eyes away. You can’t even blink. 

“I told you kid,” He adds, “I care about you. I always have.”

What do you say to that? 

You don’t know, so you stay silent. You want to say something, to return the monument of emotion he’s just offered to you, to somehow express reciprocity, but you don’t know how. You’re silent. 

You don’t move as Tim stands back up, cracking his back and stretching his legs. He puts a gentle hand on your shoulder, giving a small, affectionate squeeze. 

“I gotta go start dinner,” He says curtly, “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me. Don’t spend too long out here. If you get sick, Imma say I told you so.” 

You nod, but give no further response. He pulls his hand away, and you think that’s the end of it, but just as you realize you haven’t heard him go to leave you feel him leaning over you. 

You tense. You’re not sure why, but you do. 

You feel him press a brief kiss to the top of your head before he pulls away again. It wasn’t even a kiss, really, he just pushed his lips against your head for a moment, but for that moment it was like everything you’d ever worried about up until that point was arbitrary. It doesn’t last long, but it lingers in the air like the smoke from Tim’s cigarettes as he pulls away and walks back into the house. 

You’re alone again.

Now what? 

You weigh your options for a moment, but once Tim’s footsteps disappear into the house it feels far too quiet out here, even with the rain beating down on the roof above you. 

You wait for only a few moments more to make sure you won’t seem too eager to follow him before you get up, lazily making your way back inside. 

You find yourself wondering again, this time about what Tim is making for dinner tonight, and you take a second to appreciate the pleasure in such simple problems. 

There are things that will never be now, and there’s no changing that.

But for tonight, this is pretty damn nice. 

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[canonicallyobserving911]

Buddie: Buck’s “In Another Life” journey continues into Season 8.

Buck’s and Eddie’s journeys are the MAIN FOCUS and Buddie is the ‘SHIP’ TM (showrunner) is highlighting and is primarily concerned with since the other ships, Bathena, Henren and Madney are already CANON.  Based on the way things happened in 8x5, it appears he’s reverting back to the original reason why he included Tommy in the first place and it’s evident in the way the character is being portrayed!  Instead of being Buck’s boyfriend, he was shown to GUIDE/ADVISE him in a way that would lead Buck to Eddie.  Furthermore, Buck and Tommy are NOT boyfriends!  It was illustrated numerous times in 8x5 via the absence of any displays of affection between them.  There was no kissing, no longing gazes that illustrated how much they like each other and there wasn't any casual intimacy of any kind included in the episode and that was ON PURPOSE.

This is a LONG POST because there’s a lot about Buck’s, Eddie’s and Tommy’s scenes in seasons 7 and 8 to unpack.  It’s imperative to note a lot of things changed after 7x4 aired and I’ll get into the possible reasons why below but it’s important to specify some details before I get into the analysis regarding the way it appears the showrunner wanted Tommy’s role to be handled in that initial episode.  When things went sideways and some fans turned into BT and LFJr. STANS, they started walking back the things that happened after 7x4 to rectify them and in season 8 they’ve included callbacks, foreshadowing and metaphors that specifically lead back to Buck and Eddie.

Before I delve into this, please note these are my interpretations and observations and everyone may not agree with them especially since people interpret media differently. I'm basing my speculation off the entirety of Buck's and Eddie’s 7 year relationship which includes a lot of depth. If someone doesn't agree, that's perfectly ok because differences of opinion can co-exist. DO NOT REBLOG THIS AND ADD AN OPPOSING OPINION BECASUSE IF ANYONE DOES THEY’LL GET BLOCKED.  EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN BLOG TO POST ON SO PLEASE KEEP THAT IN MIND.

I ONLY SHIP BUDDIE!  I ALWAYS HAVE AND I ALWAYS WILL.

Now back to the regularly scheduled program...

Analysis of episode 8x5 is below the cut.

Before I begin, there are a few points I need to highlight.

I haven’t watched any episodes in season 8 live because I need to be able to fast forward through scenes I don’t want to see.  Therefore, once I finally watched 8x5, I was able to rewind certain scenes to see what the show was trying to relay to the audience.

While watching the episode, I HAD TO REMOVE MY BUDDIE SHIPPER GOGGLES AND PUT ON MY GENERAL AUDIENCE LENSES.  Also, I asked myself questions that I believe TM considers when he’s originating his ideas for each episode.  I did this because numerous times he’s explained how his focus for episodes is based on the network’s needs and the things he believes the GA should see.

1. What information does 9-1-1 want the GA to gather from the episode? 2. Which main characters’ story/stories is/are being told? 3. What should the GA interpret from the included scenes? 4. What is Tommy’s purpose? 5. Why was Eddie included in several of Buck’s and Tommy’s scenes? 6. Why are Buck and Tommy acting differently with regards to displays of affection?

Full Disclosure: I DON’T LIKE TOMMY KINARD!  My dislike for him has nothing to do with Buddie but it has everything to do with the way his character was originally introduced in season 2 as a racist and a bigot!  I’ve posted about it numerous times and I still don’t like him (I NEVER WILL) but in order to provide a balanced and fair assessment, I had to review the character from the same perspective as any other person in the GA.  I’m not excusing his past behaviors because I’ll never forget them and I’ve already posted about the reason why I think Gerrard’s and Tommy’s problematic pasts were pushed under the rug never to be discussed again (linked here).

Based on the way things played out after 7x4 aired, it appears the “Network” stepped in (just like they did with the airplane disaster) and if they did it after that episode, then it could be the reason why Buck’s storyline and arc for season 7 went in a different direction than the showrunner intended.

Since TM (showrunner) appears to be fascinated with old movies, he’s continued to incorporate them into 9-1-1 scripts, i.e., “Earthquake” 1974 (season 2 opener); “The Poseidon Adventure” 1972 (season 7 opener); “Vertigo” 1958 (episodes 7x7 and 7x9) and the list goes on with “Speed”, “Tsunami”, “Rear Window” and others.  Additionally, the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” was used as a point of reference for 6x11 “In Another Life” and based on the way things have been handled over the past two seasons, it’s possible it might still be in play.  Before 7x10 aired, I posted “My Buddie Crack Theory” (linked here) and it includes a lot of details about why I believe Buck could have still been in a coma during season 7.  I don’t know if he is now but his actions show that he’s still trying to figure things out and now I’m thinking he may have some form of retrograde amnesia because of the way his interactions with Tommy were handled in 8x5 since he can’t remember or understand the nature of his relationship with Eddie.

Let’s get started!

Overall, my perspective after watching 8x5 is that Tommy was NEVER meant to be Buck’s boyfriend and 9-1-1 is course correcting in season 8 by putting him in the role they originally intended during season 7.  All the scenes he had with Buck and Eddie and the ones he had alone with Buck portrayed him as a HELPFUL friend or a supportive guide but after 7x4 something happened and I have my suspicions it was related to network interference.  Basically, the writers gave him a personality transplant and put him in the position of a guide or an advisor so he can be there for Buck to help him realize who’s attention he was after in 7x4.  IIRC, since he was reintroduced, Tommy has never considered Buck to be his boyfriend and in fact, in season 7, he continuously told him that he didn’t think Buck was ready for a relationship.  Additionally, after Tommy showed up unannounced at the loft, he told Buck that he could have more than one friend.  Therefore, Buck is being shown to do what he’s done in the past which is cling to someone even though they aren’t looking for anything serious and he’s the one pursuing Tommy but reminder, the story is being told from Buck’s unreliable perspective.

The character’s point of view is important because TM said in a season 7 interview that Buck’s not really seeing things the way they actually are (paraphrasing).  He was trying to get Eddie’s attention but he got confused and projected them onto Tommy.  That projection of his misplaced feelings was supposed to be temporary but I’ll get into that later.

“Evan” vs. “Buck”

IMO, Tommy calls Buck “Evan” for two reasons.  First, Buck listens when people call him by his legal name and in CANON there have only been a handful of people to do it.  His parents do it consistently even though he’s asked them to call him Buck (in 7x6, Phillip called him Evan again when he called him before the wedding), Maddie also calls him by his legal name but she uses it interchangeably.  Bobby called him Evan once and it happened on the day Buck arrived at the 118 and Dr. Copeland calls him Evan.  Once or twice Ali called him that and since I rarely listened to anything Taylor said, I can’t recall if she did.  Finally, Eddie called him Evan once in CANON and that was during the will reveal.  Therefore, it leads me to my second point of reference, the will reveal.  I think Tommy calls him Evan to remind Buck about that important encounter that happened the day Eddie was being discharged from the hospital.  It was a pivotal moment in their relationship because it’s when Eddie gave Buck his heart for the rest of his life.  Make no mistake, Chris is Eddie’s heart so him updating his will and naming Buck to be Chris’ legal guardian is a huge deal for both Eddie and Buck.

Here's another point I want to make about Buck’s death and I’ll start with his comment in 7x4 to Tommy because it’s where all of this begins.  While they were at Air Operations, Buck said, “I guess that night was the most fun I’ve had since being struck by lightning” and Tommy replied, “You need to raise your bar, kid!”   Then Buck responded, “Not that being struck by lightning was fun, just uh… using it as a point of reference.”  Every word in the script, every piece of clothing the actors wear and every item on set has meaning, therefore Buck referencing the lightning strike is important and it’s his comment that kickstarted all of this.

Their conversation and everything that followed it appears to CLEARLY illustrate the way TM wanted Tommy’s character to be perceived and that’s as a GUIDE/ADVISOR person for Buck the same way Clarence was the AS2 for George in “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Several of the scenes are similar to those in the movie and I’ve compared them below.

Why is this relevant?  Because in a post 7x4 interview, OS explained it each time a journalist or podcaster asked him about Buck and Tommy’s relationship.  He said (paraphrasing) the character of Tommy was serving a purpose because he was there to help Buck navigate that time in his life and once it was over, he hoped Buck and Tommy could remain friends.  He said it repeatedly but then someone (perhaps network interference) had the idea to put Buck in a relationship with him so that they could maintain the new viewers who started watching just because of the kiss.  Instead of the focus remaining on Buck, the effects of changing the course of the narrative resulted in a $hitshow of epic proportions because several BT Stans refused to see what the show was illustrating.  It didn’t help that the actor who plays Tommy egged them on with his Cameos which made the hiatus unbearable for the network, showrunner (TM admitted it in an interview), cast, crew, fans, audience and Buddie shippers by sending death threats, harassment and just plain vile actions.  These are facts and it’s the reason why I believe the show is rectifying and retconning whosever decision it was to turn Tommy into a love interest instead of leaving him as Buck’s advisor who’s purpose was to lead him to Eddie.

During their conversation at the hanger, Tommy called Buck “kid” but the only people who have ever called him that in the past were Bobby, Red and Athena.  Additionally, if Buck’s death wasn’t supposed to be highlighted, he wouldn’t have mentioned it.  Reminder, everything in CANON has a purpose.

Furthermore, after Eddie drove up and Tommy said, “This guy” to Buck then patted him on the back, he was trying to tell him that he doesn’t realize he’s overlooking the fact that Eddie’s right in front of him and he’s been waiting for Buck to realize it.  There’s a slang definition for this phrase and I’ve already posted about it (linked here).

Also, Tommy mentioned how saving someone’s life and then DATING them never turns out the way someone expects it and his comments parallel with Clarence’s statement to George about the reason why he jumped into the river.  He told him that he did it because he wanted to save him but George said he jumped to save him.  Clarence responded that he knew George was going to jump in to save him if he saw him drowning and he did it to prevent George from committing suicide. The point is the NEW AND IMPROVED Tommy shares a lot of character traits with Clarence since they’re both supposed to be guides to the people they were assigned to. Buck can be compared to George and Tommy can be compared to Clarence.

8x5 - Scene Analysis

I’m not going to delve into the Christopher birthday party scene in 8x1 because Buck, Eddie and Tommy were the only three there.  Also, Tommy only had two lines and one was “You’re a vision in a cone” which was weird but after analyzing their scenes in 8x5, I don’t think he meant it as a compliment but let’s move on and my reasoning for this will be explained below.

Billy Boils’ Introduction

The introduction of “Billy Boils” or “William James McCurdy” is important because it appears Billy’s life parallels with Buck’s in a lot of ways.

Buck’s description of him while he was in the hospital relates to Buck’s life, i.e. his birth year 1993 (which was CANONICALLY retconned from 1991 in season 6) along with the year Daniel died but there’s one date he didn’t have and that’s what’s missing. Also, when Tommy asks is there a twist coming? The answer is YES! Why? Because the twist is Buddie is coming! The camera panned to Eddie after he asked the question. Just saying.

Additionally, at first glance, Billy’s shirt appears to be similar to the suit jacket Eddie was wearing in 7x6 during the bachelor party but once Billy’s whole casket is shown, it’s apparent he’s not wearing a full suit.  His shirt is similar to the suit color but he’s wearing a red bandana around his neck and he’s also wearing a pair of blue jeans.  I think the jeans and the bandana were meant to connect with the “Cowboy” costume Buck wore later in the episode since he was wearing those clothing items.

The hospital

When Tommy arrived, Eddie was already present and most of the time while he was talking to Buck, he kept glancing at Eddie for some reason and at first I thought it was because he was trying to get at him (my Buddie shipper goggles state he still is) but upon further review, it appears he was trying to direct Buck’s attention to Eddie.  He did it several times throughout their scenes and on at least two occasions, he verbally said something that caused Buck to refocus his attention onto Eddie.

Tommy was outside while the doctor was in the room and he only entered afterwards.  I’m not going to delve into his visitor’s badge and other things because they’ve already been discussed but I will focus on the lack of affection between the two of them since it was a theme throughout the episode.  It seems like the show wanted the audience to know that Tommy and Buck are friends and nothing more.  If they were in a relationship, then Tommy would have reacted differently especially since Buck didn’t have any boils on his face at the time.  I mean Buck was lying in bed with his chest all out and from both a Buddie shipper and a GA perspective, I asked myself why because every other time Buck’s been in the hospital (he’s been in one at least four times over the seasons) and each time he was wearing a gown but not this time.  Therefore, there had to be a reason.  Logically, if Tommy and Buck were dating, Buck would have covered up since Eddie was in there but he was bare chested before Tommy arrived.  Additionally, Buck hasn't been seen SHIRTLESS IN YEARS (IIRC, season 2 was the last time), so there's a reason why he was naked up top, right? Right! I will point out that he pulled the covers up when Tommy entered so there’s that but from a viewer’s point of view, Buck’s boobs were out for Eddie’s benefit.

Also, the part about Billy getting his sights on someone, that was another reference to Eddie because once Buck figures out he was trying to get Eddie's attention, he'll never let him go. 😎

The loft before Eddie arrived

The next time we saw Buck and Tommy, it was nighttime and they were in the loft getting ready to go to sleep.  Buck was doing one of his deep dives on the internet about Billy Boils but after Tommy got him an ice pack and some ibuprofen, he wanted to lay on the couch and go to sleep.  Now before I mention any details regarding the things he said to Buck, I’ll admit when I watched the scene with my Buddie shipper goggles, I thought he was being an asshat.  However, when I viewed it from a GA perspective, I asked myself what the show wanted the audience to see and it appears he came across as a friend who didn’t want to end up there taking care of someone he’s only known for a few months.  It would have been easy to have Eddie there especially since he spent time there with Buck during the pandemic as well as other times.  However, if he would have been there, it’s possible the audience wouldn’t have questioned why Tommy wasn’t.  Apparently, this is all part of TM’s big relationship reveal for Buddie.  Was it painful for anyone who knows the character of Buck to watch?  YES!  Why?  Because Tommy literally told him to go to bed and that he needed to turn off his laptop.  He sounded like a parent and the more I think about it, the more I believe that’s the option the show wants the GA to see and believe.

Reminder, Tommy calls him Evan but what other grown man on the show calls him that?  PHILLIP!  Eddie’s only called him Evan once but Phillip does it all the time (I’ll do a separate post about this because if I include it all here, this post will be even longer).

The point is if Tommy’s supposed to be Buck’s boyfriend, then the GA will question why they aren’t acting romantically.  Therefore, it appears the show is allowing them to demonstrate in CANON that they ARE NOT in a relationship.  Why is this important?  Because if someone watched 7x4 it means they saw them kiss and now they’re questioning why they are so distant and why they aren’t touching each other or holding hands.  They showed just enough for their relationship to be questioned so that whenever Eddie was in the scene, it would be CRYSTAL CLEAR that he’s Buck’s life partner NOT Tommy’s.

The loft after Eddie arrived

The next day, after Tommy literally recoiled at Buck’s boils, Eddie was there and he was shown medically assisting Buck while Tommy just watched.  This is also important for the GA because they should ask themselves the same question I did since Tommy’s a firefighter/EMT too (post linked here).  I wanted to know why he wasn’t helping him and honestly, it pissed me off regardless as to whether I was viewing the episode as a GA member or a Buddie shipper.  It’s just another reason why it seems like the show wanted Eddie there and IMO, it worked perfectly.

While they're talking, Tommy actually tells Buck to "listen to the medic" and "Well, there's you answer" and he was looking at and talking about Eddie when he made both statements. Reminder, Eddie and Chris are the answers (related post linked here).

The firehouse

When Buck arrived at the firehouse, Eddie wouldn’t look at him and from a Buddie shipper perspective, initially I thought it was weird.  But after I remembered the way Eddie was wearing sunglasses for the majority of 7x4, I figured he did it because he didn’t want Buck to see his heart eyes.  Reminder, the episode is called “Masks” and Eddie did everything he could to avoid looking at Buck whenever they were alone together.  It happened at the hospital while he was pretending to read a magazine, at the firehouse and at the hospital again while they were waiting to get news about Denny.

If they caught it, the GA should question it but since most viewers only watch an episode once, it’s possible they didn’t.  Reminder, they don’t theorize, look at scenes more than once to see how many times they looked or glanced at each other and they don’t analyze episodes.  Therefore, the interactions between Buck and Eddie have to illustrate they’re perfect for each other from an overall perspective so they can notice it and that’s what it appears the show is doing.

The hospital scene with the 118

After I watched this scene I laughed because it kind of seemed like Tommy wasn’t even present.  My perspective didn’t change when I rewatched it because I noticed for the second time that no one was interacting with him except for Buck, the nurse who asked Buck if he’d been seen and the one time Eddie looked up.  This was another scene that reminded me of George Bailey since there were times when he was the only person who could see Clarence.  I thought it was interesting that Chimney, Bobby and Athena didn’t interact with Tommy once and in fact, they never looked at him.  Chimney was literally sitting in front of him beside Eddie but he couldn’t be bothered.  From a GA perspective, I asked why and I think other viewers might have too.

The graveyard

After watching Buck stand in the graveyard with Tommy several feet away from him, I was reminded of Buck’s and Eddie’s graveyard scene from 6x15 along with two movies; “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “The Karate Kid.”  First, the way Buck and Tommy were standing caught my attention because when George and Clarence went to visit George’s brother Harry in the graveyard in “It’s a Wonderful Life”, they were standing several feet apart too.

Reminder, Clarence was an angel who served as a guide to George when he questioned why he was born.  Also, if George had never been born, then his brother Harry would have died.  It’s similar to Buck’s story, however even though Buck was born to save Daniel, he wasn’t able to save him.

Second, in the movie “The Karate Kid” after Daniel kicked that bully’s ass (I don’t remember his name), Mr. Myiagi (the man who taught Daniel how to do karate) was standing outside of the ring watching Daniel during his final match.  When Daniel won, Mr. Myiagi smiled and nodded his head the same way Tommy was doing while Buck was talking to Billy Boils.  It stuck out to me because Mr. Myiagi was the guide/teacher/advisor to Daniel and it appears that’s who Tommy is to Buck.

While Buck was doing his monologue, when he got to the part about dying alone and the scene cut to Eddie, my heart broke and it reminded me of the scene in “It’s a Wonderful Life” when George went to find Mary (the woman he married) who ended up being an “Old Maid” (the movie’s words not mine) because George was never born.  I think that’s a reference point and if my season 7 analysis is correct about Buck still being in a coma or having amnesia, then it’s possible Eddie’s still waiting for Buck to remember.

Also, when Buck asks Billy to lift the curse and he walks away, Tommy says, “Please lift it” but I don’t think he was saying that for himself.  My interpretation is Tommy’s found himself in a situation that he never intended to be in because he’s a loner and he’s the type of person who does exactly what he said in 7x4.  He doesn’t date people he meets on calls because it never turns out the way they expect it to but they’re grateful.  If that’s the case then it seems like the show has turned Tommy’s character into someone who’s only supposed to be there for a short time, i.e., a teacher, an advisor or a guide which means he’ll be gone soon.

It appears Buck’s the one who’s trying to turn him into his boyfriend simply because he’s confused about who’s attention he really wanted.  OS has referenced relationship problems for them but no one knows what those are.  Based on this episode, it’s possible it could revolve around the status of their relationship or the fact that they were never meant to be.

Additional references

There are several references that link Eddie and Buck that have been incorporated into episodes and I’ve included some important ones below.  Four of them are specific to Buck, Eddie and Tommy and they include the words “Math” (or functions that relate to it), “Cowboy”, “Exhausting” and “Dating someone you rescued.”  They appear to be used as a way to direct the GA to Buddie since Eddie said them first, Buck repeated them and Tommy said the words too at some point while he's been on screen. It appears he was gently reminding Buck that his focus and attention should be on Eddie!

“Showstopper”

Buck told the 118 that Billy Boils was a real showstopper and after he realized he was a real person, Bobby told him he was right, Billy was a real showstopper.  I included this reference because it seemed like it was relevant to 7x4 since Buck’s bisexual journey began at the end of the episode and it was a showstopper.  It’s just the BT stans took things too far by focusing on the PLOT DEVICE instead of the MAIN CHARACTER and that’s how things got off course. Buck and Eddie are MAIN CHARACTERS and Tommy is NOT. He never will be so it's evident the show wants the GA to remember that especially since Tommy will be gone soon.

“Math”

In 3x4, Eddie told Buck, “You don’t know math!” while Buck was the Fire Marshal and in 6x13, after Buck was struck by lightning, he ended up with a special math skill.  He told Eddie and Chris, “Turns out, I love math” and in 6x15, while Buck and Eddie were standing in the cemetery, Eddie said, “I know we razed you about your old ‘math’ skills.  Maybe I even tried to get rich off of them.”  And in 8x5, Tommy referred to his accountant (math related field of study) cousin and commented, “Every tax season, my accountant cousin breaks out in hives all across his legs.”  FYI: Math is a universal language just like love.

“Cowboy”

In 6x10, Eddie said, “Alright ‘cowboy’ go get ‘em” right before Buck went up the ladder before the lightning strike.  In 8x5, Buck’s costume (reminder, his blue jeans was the bottom half of Billy Boils’ costume) was a ‘Cowboy’ and later in the episode, Tommy said, “I think someone was up too late with their ‘cowboy’.”

“Dating someone you rescued”

In 6x15, Eddie told Buck that dating someone he rescued from a call wouldn’t end well which means Buck knows this but he did it anyway.  Then in 7x4, Tommy reiterated what Eddie had already told Buck when he said dating someone he rescued never ends the way he expected.  This is one of the reasons why Buck dating Tommy would never work because Tommy isn’t looking for a long term relationship but Buck is and now Buck’s clinging like he always does and it appears Tommy wants to leave.

“Exhausting”

In 3x5, during Eddie’s and Buck’s famous supermarket argument, Eddie said, “Because you’re ‘exhausting’!” then he continued and explained his reasoning (which had absolutely nothing to do with firefighting and everything to do with how much he missed Buck).  Then four seasons later, in 7x4, since Buck was STILL confused about who’s attention he was trying to get, he told Tommy “Trying to get your attention has been kind of ‘exhausting’!” but Tommy’s response of “My attention?” proves he KNEW Buck wasn’t trying to get his attention and the showrunner called back to this in 8x5 when Tommy said, “Lights out Evan.  I’m ‘exhausted’.”

Similar to the cowboy reference, Eddie said it first, Buck remembered it and said it to Tommy who turned around and referred to it in 8x5 to Buck to HELP GUIDE HIM TO EDDIE!

The point of this post is to illustrate 9-1-1 was trying to show the GA that Buck and Tommy were never meant to be a couple.  If they were, then they would have shown some sort of public displays of affection.  They would have been in bed together when they went to the loft and REMINDER, this is a TV show and that “Hotshots” director reiterated that when Bobby was trying to tell Brad and the other actors about using sledgehammers to open the wall.  That’s important because TV shows aren’t accurate and that means if they wanted to, they could have let Buck and Tommy be romantic and show intimacy BUT THEY DIDN’T BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T WANT THEM TO AND THEY’RE NOT A COUPLE.

Tommy didn’t kiss Buck once but he touched his leg when he arrived at the hospital and that was before the boils appeared on his face.  The bottom line is in 7x4, Tommy was set up to be Buck’s confidant and guide so that he would have a supposedly more experienced and older person to help him as he learned more about his bisexuality.  However, either the network, BT Stans or both ruined it because they cared more about Buck being with ANY dude than the man who’s given him his heart over and over again (EDDIE).  Therefore, it appears the showrunner is unraveling the messy way season 7 ended with Buck being in a relationship with the person who was supposed to be more of a friend so that Buck and Eddie can get their EPIC LOVE STORY!

It’s likely Buck’s next onscreen kiss will be with EDDIE DIAZ and reminder... Buck’s boobs weren’t out for nothing. 👀 Eddie was trying not to look but Tommy didn't look below Buck's face at all for the entirety of episode 8x5. Just saying.

These are the things that were shown in CANON and I am not involved in the show so I don’t have any say in how things are done.  But if I did, Tommy wouldn’t have ever been included because IMO, he wasn’t needed since Buddie’s romantic foundation was established several seasons ago (looking at the kitchen scene).  For some reason, TM felt like he needed to redo everything and here we are waiting on Eddie’s storyline to move forward and Buck to remove himself from whatever TF he has going on with Tommy.  The only logical idea I can came up with is maybe TM wanted to start over since they’re on a new network but it wasn’t necessary especially since 9-1-1 is in its 8th season.  Older shows run out of time and if viewership keeps dropping (I’m talking about live viewers), it’ll be difficult for them to get a 9th season so this show needs to get on with making them CANON so they won’t run out of time.

Before I end this post, I’d like to invite everyone to think about what happened at the end of “It’s a Wonderful Life.”  George went home after he realized he was better off being alive than dead and he went home to his wife and kids.  I’m not saying Buck will go home to Eddie for Christmas but… if my analysis is correct and 9-1-1 is still using Buck’s coma dream/amnesia or whatever as a point of reference then who knows what could happen before the end of 8A.  Also, as of the date this post is completed, there hasn’t been any confirmation that there will be a Christmas episode this year.  One last thing, in 3x10 “Christmas Spirt” Buck worked with Athena so the 118 could celebrate Christmas with their families since they had to work and in 2x10 “Merry X-Mas” the Christmas Elf told Buck, “You two have an adorable son” and Buck said, “Thank you.”

We’ll all just have to wait and see what happens.

TLDR: Buck and Eddie are the main characters and the BUDDIE SHIP is the primary and only focus.  The showrunner created the ship, he’s very vocal about his opinions of it and he’s quick to let the audience know it was his idea.  BuckTommy is a fan/stan created ship, it’s NOT part of the plan, Tommy will never be a main because he’s a PLOT DEVICE who had one job and that’s to guide Buck to Eddie because Buck was trying to get Eddie’s attention in 7x4.

[drconstellation]

Chiastic Structure of S1

Here it is!

Yes, I deliberately made it detailed. You NEED to see the detail, it is, quite frankly, eye-opening in parts.

If the image I have posted is not clear, let me know, and I'll post a broken-down version in sections so you can read it. I'm just not sure how this is going to work.

I've got five footnotes for various sections where I want to make extra comments, so see them below.

If you don't know why some of us are looking into this - a chiastic structure or pattern a literary device where a sequence of events is presented then repeated in reverse order. For a complicated story like Good Omens this can and does gives us some interesting insights into the hidden stories we meta writers like to speculate on and discuss.

I have to admit it got a bit messy in places, so there still might be some tweaking to do in the middle parts.

The plain parallels still exist - I have a couple to mention in the footnotes. I'm also very excited about taking this challenge on because I've basically found proof that backs up my theory about the scene at Tadfield Manor telling part of the story of the Great War in Heaven, and also proof that the Flood may have been the time of their first "vavoom."

[1] M-pair: When Newt turns up to his new job there is an office meeting called and the upcoming "training initiative" is discussed. This then leads on to the paintball fight at Tadfield Manor. I discussed how the two scenes give us an insight into the past and the Great War in two metas, The Great War of Tadfield Manor, and The Newton/Crowley Mirror-Parallel in S1. The mirror-pair here is Dagon is rousing the troops with reminders of the "Glorious Revolution," providing us with a direct connection to the events of Tadfield Manor.

[2] Q-pair: This is a really interesting pair, as as it is still tied in with Tadfield Manor. Does it give us any insights into Crowley's role in the Great War and his Fall? I'll be looking more closely at this in the future!

[3] There is an interesting set of parallels around this area that didn't quite fit into the chiastic structure proper that I though was worth mentioning and I have already flagged for a meta before I had finished plotting this out. It's to do with Newt and Anathema and the prophecies in the book - oh, and the Velvet underground reference. Actually, I really need more space for that...you'll have to wait for the meta, sorry.

[4] Ohhh yeah. This one. The Vavoom moment. I wondered if the sex under the bed between Newt and Anathema would reveal anything. It certainly did! If you haven't read @vidavalor's meta about the first time they probably kissed, then you should. Stat! This pair backs it up - and maybe more.

[5] There is a parallel noted here that doesn't fit in the structure, that Crowley signs to start everything rolling, and Aziraphale signs to end it.

On to S2. Then I'll see if I can work a three-series structure together for some predictions.

Link to S2 Chiastic Structure Post.

@aprilodite @kayleefansposts @ineffable-endearments @sendarya

[otomes-world]

Longing

Hello everyone! I had a strange urge to write something, so yes.. AU belongs to @shiny-jr I'm just interpreting. This is also my parody to the five stages of grief. Another sentient twst works are here. Enjoy 0/

Upd: I've finally got permission to post this thing! But.. I forgot about it.. and I'm no longer like it.. and it's so small.. but, yeah, let it exists.

Disbelief.

It was the first emotion that began to creep into consciousness with a light touch from just hearing about the “shutdown.” The player just took a break, was busy, preparing for exams, tests, work, whatever. Causing panic out of nowhere was stupid. This had already happened more than once, but..

The hours merged into days. Days became weeks. Only the most stubborn began to count beyond the month. The mistrust and fear began to be felt stronger than before. More and more often insidious “what ifs” were spinning in head.

You were only gone for a short moment. Maybe a little longer this time, but you would come back. You would, except… Yuu turned into the doll they always were. A puppet whose only value was in you, who controlled it. When there was no point in denying, a storm broke out.

Indignation.

Anticipation caused hearts to experience previously ignored emotions and heads to question. What could be the reason? Could something happen in that inaccessible world? Do you feel the same confusion, unable to connect?

Could you become bored with their existence?

Did you choose them, him, over someone else? What exactly made you hesitate? A beautiful singing voice? Looks that could challenge the Evil Queen? Fame? Wealth? What?

Was the effort really not enough to captivate you, to make you pay attention? Place in your heart the desire to stay. Is it really his fault or is it yours?

Grief.

Bitterness replaced frustration. The one that was ripping chest, made him want to cut his own throat open if it would give any peace of mind. If it would strengthen confidence of your return.

When it seem that the empty vessel was about to break, hope still glimmers at the bottom. When the ear listened to every rumor, rustle, speculation, even if it was false. When the one he least want to see looked at him from the mirror.

When he didn’t want to, and most importantly, couldn’t stop. Gave up. Let every attempt, broken hope plunge him into the abyss of despair much deeper than the last time. Getting back on feet became more and more difficult. Sometimes the thought of acceptance flashed but gaving up the most desired thing was hardly possible. Even if the chances that no one would understand and that everything would burn out were higher every moment.

Longing.

Yearning invariably replaces suffocating pain. Very reluctant, denied by all means.

When there was nothing left in tired beating heart - not a single drop - only memories of the time spent with you through Yuu. Then he still did not understand other people's adoration. He thought that this would bypass him. However, like everyone else, he couldn’t resist the eyes, your eyes and no one else’s, looking at him in a special way. As if in the world of colored pixels he was worth something.

A smile involuntarily plays on his face, although he barely had enough strength to maintain an imitation of life. In moments of overwhelming loss, pride insisted: you were not worth it. You were not worth all the torment, all the tears he shed. You were not worth.. but this was a blatant lie.

When everything around him would merge into one colorless heap, when he himself would cease to exist. The only thought at the last moment would be dedicated to you. Therefore, as soon as the news of the appearance of an impostor who dared to pretend to be you reached the exhausted mind, remained only... rage.

[thegayhimbo]

I know this is coming a bit late, but since all of this was posted mere hours after Trump won the election in my country, I really wasn't in the mood at the time for making theories. I'm still technically in a funk, but I'm getting this done now to keep on top of things because I am really far behind in my reviews and speculations for Stranger Things.

1.) I am 80% convinced that the "Wheeler" who will vanish is Holly since the tidbits they've released indicate she's going to have a major role in season 5 and some kind of connection with Vecna. The book Alice in Wonderland will probably play a role in how they craft Holly's story since a reference was made to it on the Duffer Brother's Instagram post:

There's also how Holly's clothes in one of the BTS photos looks eerily similar to Alice's blue dress from the Disney movie:

Makes me question which Wonderland character Vecna is supposed to represent: The Mad Hatter? The Cheshire Cat? The Caterpillar? Maybe a male version of The Red Queen/Queen of Hearts?

2.) I speculated a while back that the book A Wrinkle in Time would be influential in the writing for season 5, especially with one of the titles being "Escape from Camazotz." While I have doubts now that Mike will be the one who disappears (as I originally suspected, though I could be eating my words later if I turned out to be right on that call), I do think there will be some kind of journey to a Camazotz-like location in the Upside Down to rescue one of the main characters (one of the spoilers from earlier this year implies that Mike, Will, and Holly may share the same story, so it could be that Mike ventures with Will to rescue Holly from Vecna) and that the Duffer Brothers are intentionally drawing parallels between the Hive Mind in the Upside Down and the one in A Wrinkle in Time that IT (the main antagonist of the book) uses to control the planet of Camazotz.

Plus, the Duffer Brothers posted this on their Instagram a while back during the production of season 5:

3.) The title "The Bridge" is likely referring to the bridge between the Hawkins and the Upside Down, and I suspect that episode will be about said bridge being damaged in a way that needs to be fixed in order to stop the UD's threat. However, since there have already been several references to children's books, I think there might be a third that this title is referring to: Bridge to Terabithia.

I remember reading this book in elementary school, and I know the story deals with two friends who create an imaginary world called Terabithia that can be accessed by crossing a river, and they go to this world as a means of dealing with their own struggles in the real world. Since one of the themes of the books is about building the bridge (both metaphorically and literally) between the two worlds to create stability in the main character's life, maybe that's what will happen with the Upside Down and Hawkins: Instead of the complete destruction of either Hawkins or the Upside Down, an equilibrium is established between both worlds (with effort from the main characters) where the Upside Down no longer poses a threat but can co-exist with Hawkins in a peaceful and stable way.

4.) "The Rightside Up" is pretty self-explanatory as a title. The question isn't whether the main characters fix things, but HOW they do it and what the cost will be.

5.) Every BTS photo I've seen gives the impression that the Military, and likely the residents of Hawkins who've taken up Jason's crusade from Season 4, will be antagonists to the main characters just like Vecna and the Mind Flayer. I also have no doubt Colonel Sullivan will have spent the last year and a half hunting for El while also trying to contain the threat of the Upside Down. What I want to know is why the main characters are still in Hawkins after all this time? We see photos of Mike, Lucas, Dustin, and Will going to Hawkins High School, but I thought the idea at the end of S4 is that the Upside Down was leaking into Hawkins, which would make it a hotspot for toxic air, decay, and monsters popping out of the ground. Did the military quarantine the whole town and the residents can't leave Hawkins because they are infected? Or did they only seal off certain parts where Vecna's gate opened, and the town simply rebuilt around it and tried to get back to their lives?

[bubblewrapsnek]

Phantomarine Live reread: Prologue

I'm anticipating the reread before the chapter finishes cause I want to read it now again, altho I wanted to wait the chapter to be over to have a cleaner finish line for mental order and to avoid posing questions to things that would be maybe have more ground to speculate on or outright be answered in a few days This is my first time rereading Phantomarine, so if anyone is actually goint to read these posts expect me to come to realizations about stuff that everyone knew ages ago probably, also it's my first time liveblogging something since a friend suggested it could be appreciated, I am not convinced there would be interested but it can't hurt I guess. That said I hate the idea of clogging with posts and like keeping stuff a bit more tidy, so I'll post one post per chapter with my thoughts, silly ramblings and whatever comes to my mind that I feel like sharing while trying to put my thoughts in order

So uhh if you exist and are reading, have fun and feel free to interact!

First thing I'll not here with a few examples and try to not say everytime, but I can't help seeing how the royal family brands EVERYTHING with the Manta, I swear you could fill a where's waldo book by searching the mantas in Phantomarine's pages at this A manta hat, manta drawer, manta desk, and a manta polo in just the first pages, I swear they have a disney park-esque gift shop outside the palace

A manta hat, manta drawer, manta desk, and a manta polo in just the first pages, I swear they have a disney park-esque gift shop outside the palace

Bonus neat things, the candle has the same pattern as Cheline's dress and there is what I guess is a samoyede on Irving's shirt

Next thing is something I hadn't noticed before but I've seen already people point out in the comments now, Irving having very clearly pink eyes, at first I thought it might have been lighting but in the pages where he is alive they are very clearly pink, and even when in shock the characters get drawn with pinprick irises, while the others get black dots he has pink and is even more blatant in the shot with the Fata morgana stabbing them where he is eye to eye with a Fata with the same eyes

Bonus: alive Lani is very cute

I pointed the next thing in another post but I love how Cheline wanted to be sure to scapegoat the Fata Morgana so much she painted the arrows and bow too with Cheth's name bands(confirmed to be painted on by the transcript too altho it was the only possible reason they had those bad with what we know now), also I love that the cyan outline was faintly on the Fata Morgana's eye from the beginning

I am also getting suspicious about the ghosts being blue and the veins(referred as such in the transcript) that spread from the bite being purple, tho I don't have a concrete or sound thought about this

Also, something I love a lot in comics is paneling so some of this won't be thoughts but just panels that are really pretty or fun or creative here I love how the action flows very well, having many details making what happens readable such as the "magic" squares making phae's body on the bottom edge of the silouhette in the middle also appear on the heart, showing the wound being "repaired"

Love the veins snaking behind her

Something I had completely glossed over was Phae's middle name being Augusta, and I do find it possible to have a reading on it, as Augustus was the name and title that Octavian took as the first emperor of rome, the member of a what can be considered a royal lineage establishing the name for himself and becoming a key turning point in the history of an empire, just as I can see Phae become the turning point for the history of her reign, a change of the guard and of the status quo of the kingdom she watches over

End in the end, to finish the prologue of this reread, a funny typo Cheth appears, tipping his fedora: "M'Phaedra"

[tonydaddingham]

oh holy shit ok so i think anyone who has read it has had their third eye blown right open by this meta by @justhereforthemeta (and i am not immune, i genuinely had to walk away from my phone for a minute). but it kinda shifted something in my brain.

because they're right - not in an attempt to reduce their beautiful work to a single, rather reductive point, but: the turtleneck is not the Going Out Top, it's the I'm Working On A Heist top. and i think crowley might actually have cracked it.

now this is going to go off of a separate speculation of my own as concerns the book of life, but if we just - for the purpose of this post (but actually i think is literally supported by this post in turn) - accept that the BOL doesn't erase angels from existence, but more specifically their memory of themselves as angels, (and in essence makes them fall), crowley has already seen the BOL. his heist worked. he knows where it is.

i think - think - saraqael is literally holding it, or at least holding access to it. would make sense, if they are indeed metatron's sort-of right-hand angel. metatron didn't want to wipe gabriel's memory and cast him out to hell, no - that's too dangerous... but they were definitely going to wipe his memory.

however, gabriel is no longer in the database - he's not in the book - because he's already shoved his angelic memory into the fly, and escaped through the main entrance. gabriel, somewhat, made himself fall. they can't wipe gabriel's memory, because he no longer exists. because he's no longer in the book of life.

but saraqael has posed themself as a friend, and seem to be pretty trustworthy. they've willingly shown crowley the trial. they have control over the BOL, and deliberately shown that to crowley. i think crowley trusts that saraqael won't let it happen - and he knows where it is, what it can do... and that might be, possibly, contributory to why he's so relaxed here when aziraphale is being directly threatened by michael.

he knows its not the threat he was scared it was. he's done his reconnaissance, he's worked out what the BOL is, what it does, and whose hands - at least, for the moment - actually control it. michael doesn't control it, and it seems metatron as a giant fuck-off head doesn't control it either. in fact, a likely ally controls it. for the moment, they're safe.

[rambleyrambles]

Hey buddies!

What's up with Mollie in Chapter 1?

There's a couple different things I wanna cover, so bear with me as I ramble on a little bit to figure out where to start. Like, I've got something I haven't seen others mention, a few theories tied to it, and other speculation. So I guess I should start with that appearance?

Also note: I'm not going to be going over the mascots as a whole here. They definitely need something all to themselves, so maybe I'll ramble about that some other time.

And just so we don't get too long and clog anyone's dash~💜✨

So! A Mollie thing I haven't seen anyone else talk about!

Well, the other day I saw this post, and as you can see by my tags (under the little "info" tab at the top) I was planning on playing again to see it for myself. I can confirm that exists, and I'll get back around to that in a little bit.

Having played through the game a few times, I've been slowly getting accustomed to the sound of Mollie's voice and I've been trying to make out the words she says. So imagine my surprise when I heard her in the section before where I thought she first appeared in the queue to Rambley's Railroad! You can hear her very faintly in the background repeating the words "set up" after Rambley directs you to the gift shop for your Critter Cuff. (Can be heard here. I've linked to Rambley's last line so you can hear how she mimics it.)

To me, this sorta brings into question how long Mollie was watching Ed. I mean, before it seemed like she happened to be in the railroad's area and was sneakily watching you after you stumbled into the area she was occupying, but now? Now we know she was outside in that starting area. Granted, she sounds kind of distant unlike when we hear her "Closed for repairs" after Rambley and Finley's interaction, but that doesn't mean too much because the little "Hey buddy" she lets out in Lloyd's Mane Stage when she leans around the door to storage. (As demonstrated in the video I linked, you can turn on your way to storage and see her right away once you hear her.)

Now that I've written all those mimicry bits down, it feels a little weird that she mimics only Rambley, especially given she's not directly repeating him when she appears at the end of the hallway in the Mane Stage. Rambley does say it in that area, but it's not in that same call and response manner like the other two. Something to think about.

With all this in mind, I think it's plausible that Mollie could have seen Ed before the first encounter in Rambley's Railroad.

How soon does Mollie know Ed's there?

This is more speculation on my part, as the earliest I can definitively say is the Critter Cuff mimicry being around when she likely notices him. That being said, we do have a gear that falls at a suspicious timing.

That being said, if you've seen David Baron's video on his beta test footage, you'll notice the gear was already there from the start. He makes the suggestion that the gear be out of the way and fall from somewhere above when it's needed so it doesn't confuse the player. It could be argued that that's all that is, but I'd like to point out the whole suggestion was for the gear to fall when Rambley tried and failed to open the door, thus causing the building to shake due to failing equipment just enough for the gear to fall. The timing we see in the final game does not match that. (Whole video can be found here.)

I think it's not out of the realm of possibility that Mollie could have known about Ed's presence the whole time, and could be the reason the gear falls in the first place. It's suspicious enough timing, and I'm not sure what Rambley himself could do to make it fall unless you want to argue something about having a mechanism up there, but this is a pretty specific situation he'd have machinery to deal with considering there's not supposed to be a hole in the ceiling there to begin with.

What Mollie's motivation for helping would be... I'm less sure about that. Especially as it related to my next point.

Did Mollie sabotage the mechanisms we needed to fix?

This is in reference to the Indigo Violet Generator from getting in the front gate, and the machine backstage that we needed to fix in lieu of getting an introduction to Salem. Before realizing Mollie was in the beginning area, only one of them was anywhere near her, so pulling any lines to correlate her and them just didn't make sense. With her being heard in that first area now though...

I think it's possible that she could've been the cause of the gears being out of place. She's present in and around where both are and we don't see any others like it in the chapter.

It's especially interesting because one is in the backstage area for Rambley's Railroad, where we see her pop in and out of while we're on the ride. One could even argue that she could have sabotaged that area while we were already on the ride, though that's between hard and impossible to prove at this point in time.

What makes Mollie aggressive?

While not exactly tying into my previous points perfectly well, I do think the fact that she's so passive and just follows you around until the very end is strange. When she shows up in Lloyd's part of the train ride, Mollie is quite literally within grabbing range of you. If she wished you ill will, surely she could have done something then?

If you want to argue that Rambley was right there at that point, might I raise her appearance in the Mane Stage. As far as we're aware, Rambley might not have been able to see her there, so there's no reason for her to hold back. Lloyd was fended off with a high pitched noise from the Critter Cuff, but it's long stopped doing that by the time you potentially see her after you leave, and that's only if you see her after you leave.

Mollie doesn't get aggressive until you're far into her area, and about to head further in. It's only then that she properly gets in your way with the intent to rip Ed's throat out. So is there something in there?

(It can be argued that Lloyd is similar. Even when it'd potentially be easier for him to attack, he moves away. That's a post for another day though.)

Beyond any narrative design decisions for how to get the player to Oceanic Odyssey after getting spooked by a lurking threat; I have to wonder if there's an in-universe reason for why Mollie stalks along so passively before turning into a threat in that spot.

Is there something beyond the door she came through that is important to her? Is she trying to protect something? Is that just an area she considered private/safe/hers so this is something territorial? Is there something she wants to protect? Is there someone?

The last one is unlikely, but it's interesting to think about, if nothing else.

Final Thoughts 💜

While this isn't an exhaustive list of everything about Mollie, I feel this is a solid base for discussion or to at least think about. I mean, I barely touched on her mimicry as a whole. There's a whole box of interesting lines with all sorts of interesting implications! Unfortunately, I don't really know how to dig through game files to find them all and listen to them on loop until I understand them, so I'm stuck trying to understand them over the loud - but absolutely a banger - chase music.

All in all, I hope I gave you all something to think about!

Bye for now, buddies!~

[carminecarnivale]

Literally no one is talking about this (that I’ve seen anyway) and the episode is old now but I can’t stop thinking about it so I’m making a post anyway.

This is about the scene in Helluva Boss season 2 episode 7 “Mammon’s Magnificent Musical Mid-Season Special” where a young imp and Fizzarolli sign to each other.

TLDR: The signing is wonky and the scene feels unearned.

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT DEAF AND NOT AN ASL EXPERT. THIS IS JUST MY INTERPRETATION OF THIS SCENE. I DO NOT SPEAK FOR DEAF OR HOH PEOPLES’ OPINIONS.

Right. So, surface level, what do the writers *want* to have the signing mean? What is their desired English sentiment?

Kid: Fizzarolli! I’m a big fan!

Fizz: Come on over here

Kid: I want to be a clown just like you!

Fizz: You can do anything you want to do.

Cool, great. Now, what did they actually sign? DISCLAIMER 2: THERE IS NO WRITTEN FORM OF ASL, ASL CAN BE SORT OF TRANSCRIBED IN ENGLISH BUT IT IS NOT WRITTEN ASL.

Kid: F-CLOWN (name sign, “Fizzarolli”) I BIG FAN.

Fizz: [Gesture to come over]

Kid: CLOWN SAME-AS-YOU.

Fizz: IF/SUPPOSE WANT, CAN-aff WORK.

On the most basic level, this is fine. It more-or-less represents what the writers wanted to be said. But it’s just…not great. It’s so simple compared to what the writers wanted to say. It makes the translation put up on screen look wrong.

The kid makes no indication that they “want” to be a clown, they could very well have been meaning that they currently ARE a clown, maybe even in training. There was no indication of “becoming” or a future signifier. There was a general lack of pronouns making it sound vague. The final sentiment from Fizz is much more grounded than what the writers wanted him to say. “You can do anything!” vs “you could work as a clown if you wanted to.” The difference speaks for itself.

There ARE signs for the sentiment they want to convey!!! They exist!!! LOOK: https://youtu.be/JbfWzc0-R6E?si=FxvbC9l-hvArLPg0

“But wait!” I hear you say. “What if they got the signs first and mistranslated it?”

Since this is an English show for English speakers that must be written in English, no. They wrote the translation first and put mediocre signing in the episode.

Could the sentiment have been gutted for time/animation constraints? Quite possibly! But we’ve seen the kinds of shots the Helluva team can pull off (Striker’s 3/4 turn with the pistol, DHORKs full camera action spin, to name a few) so I don’t doubt they COULD have animated the signing appropriately if they wanted to.

Now, they did have an ASL consultant for this episode (the bare minimum we love to see it, AND on the very last page of credits? wow), his name is Salvador Baltazar. There’s not much out there on him, but he’s primarily an interpreter. There is no way to know what he helped with or how much he dictated the scene and I don’t plan on wildly speculating. It’s great that he’s there, why did he let this signing air the way it did though.

Finally, what’s the purpose of this scene? Why is it here? Why these characters in this situation?

More competent analysts than I have picked apart the woobification of Helluva characters and how, once they’re not a villain anymore, their characterization and morals get completely overhauled to appeal to the “oh he’s so traumatized!” crowd.

I think this scene is a part of that. And it got its desired reaction.

Seeing celebrities interact well with children is already something that would net a character some popularity brownie points. If that child is clearly an “other” and the celebrity does something special to recognize that child? Brownie fucking bakeries.

The purpose of this scene is to show that not all of Fizz’s fans suck, yes, but also to show how kind and nice and thoughtful Fizz is just to hammer home how TragicTM his situation is.

And the fans went wild!!!! Here is a character putting in effort to learn ASL and speak with child fans! Wow he’s so great! He’s so amazing! What Herculean tasks he’s taken upon himself to be so cool! Wow! (Not everyone says it like that, but that was the general vibe of the Helluva tag following the episode’s release).

It got fans speculating; “I wonder if this ties into his Tragic BackstoryTM!” We’ll probably never know because Fizz’s fluency in ASL, his role in the Deaf community, is not something the writers care about exploring. They didn’t include a scene with ASL because they wanted to have a deaf character, they included it to make Fizz look good.

Something a lot of people have brought up about this kid—and rightfully so—is their age. What’s this 9 year old doing at the blow-out clown sex appeal concert? How did they get into the VIP section? Couldn’t you contrast the possessive critic guy with another adult who isn’t gross? Wouldn’t it make more sense if this character was an ADULT at the ADULT SHOW?

Yes! Yes it would! But would an adult signer garner half as many pity points as a young child with stars in their eyes? No. I doubt it would.

This scene is not here to show respect for deaf people. Just like the show doesn’t respect deaf people. I ask you to check out the captions for season 2 episode 6. Go on.

Because you know what you’ll find?

A bunch of loud, keysmashing inanity, that ignores describing what’s being said in favour of making queef jokes. These are not functional captions. For a show that prides itself on being just as professional as what you can find aired on TV or streaming, this is laughably bad. This is YouTube 2013 gaming jump scare compilations bad. And those captions are Still There DESPITE people pointing out that they’re not functional.

From a studio that’s fine with sabotaging their own captions I really shouldn’t be surprised with their treatment of ASL as sloppy, basic, and only really there for pandering.

Jesus Christ, do better.

[spicerackofblorbos]

Chapter 3: January

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse (to be continued as writing is ongoing)

☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! I'm so proud of myself for getting this out before the end of January hehe. I hope you enjoy!

☾ Word Count ➼ ~7.5k

January, you thought, had to be one of the most depressing months out of the twelve. It’s cold, dreary, and full of post-holiday blues. The gloom that came with those blues was only intensified by the immediate and prominent holiday of “Remembrance Day”, a cultural holiday created to celebrate and mourn those who have long passed.  

‘I don’t know why we can’t just stay home and celebrate privately like we usually do. It might be crowded.’ You sign outwardly to your sister as she drives, making sure to go slow so she can see through intermittent glances. You stare out ahead as the snowy landscape zooms past. The late afternoon sun glints off the fresh snow, blinding you as the light refracts off the crystals.  

When you were younger, this annual holiday was something you used to ignore. Even at a young age, you were aware of the situation you were forced into. You lost everything and then were thrust right into the foster care system, tossed in with families who didn’t want you. You had to do it all alone and because of that, you never learned how to grieve properly. It wasn’t until Hange’s family, your family, took you in that you were taught how to deal with your past and the residual effects that came with it.  

Hange tuts at you as they turn a sharp corner.  

“Hey, you’re the one who said you’d be okay with it this year. And besides, maybe this town is full of early morning mourners. The temple could be all ours.” They speculate aloud, wiggling their eyebrows at you. It just prompts a signature eyeroll, and you stare back out the window. The residential homes turn into office buildings as the two of you make it closer to the designated temple in town. It’s not much longer until they turn down a gravel road, pebbles and snow crunching under the heavy wheels. 

Busy is an understatement. Due to the small nature of the town, only one temple exists, and it sits in the middle of the local cemetery.  When your sister pulls into a dirt parking lot, you notice the multitude of cars already vacant of people who are milling around the grounds. A bubble of anxiety threatens to rise in you, but you swallow it down. You and Hange step out of the car and are met with a brisk wind; It makes all the air in your lungs escape from shock. When you take deep breaths to calm your heart down, puffs of hot steam billow out from your mouth. Hange locks the car behind them and turns to you with their hand out.  

“Well, c’mon, my little berry. Those votives aren’t going to light themselves.”  

You take her hand without hesitation and you both set forth up the hill. You are at a loss for words because of how stunning your surroundings are. Leafless trees remain stoic and strong under a layer of snow. They pepper around the ample lot, giving off shadows of tree branches everywhere. Up a dirt path rests a sizable temple with a dark blue exterior and a wrapping porch around the building that offer various access points to the inside. On the edges of the dirt path lie smaller stone paths leading to rows and columns of personal gravesites for the residents of Jinae. The winter sun beams down between fluffy clouds, warming up the air as the day goes on. It was melancholic in a way that fit the day of Remembrance perfectly.   

Fortunately for you, most of the crowd was at their family stones, so the trek up to the temple took little to no time at all. This is where the designated altar is set for those who wish to pay their respects but had no tombstone to do so at. It’s the first time since your teen years that you've prayed outside of your home. When the Zoë’s took you in, they explained many of the traditions to you that you were in the dark about due to your lackluster upbringing. Remembrance Day was one of those and on paper it sounded great, until they took you out to the temple the following January and you had flipped out from the candles. You were a little better about it nowadays, but you requested shrines at home with electronic votives from then on.   

After stepping through the open doorway, you note only a handful of people lingering at the altar, lighting green candles and bowing their heads in prayer. You avert your gaze quickly from the bright flames, looking anywhere else. It was relatively quiet, bar for a few whispers here and there. You and Hange step in line behind an older couple, who are now turning towards you to leave. Tears streak down their faces as they head in the direction of the doors behind you. You bow to them in respect, as they do to you in return. The two of you step up onto the ledge and Hange takes the match sticks from the table. She gingerly holds out a stick for you to take as she regards you carefully. 

“Did you want to try it this year?” They grab your hand with theirs, looking into your eyes closely. 

You take a deep breath and raise your hand as if to take it, but it falters. Something sears in the back of your mind. Letting your hand flop to the side, you shake your head and sigh heavily. She just gives you a soft smile and squeezes your hand in reassurance. 

“That’s okay, Love. I’ll take care of it for you. Just close your eyes and think of them.”  

So, you do and reminisce about your lost family. There were so many memories you were still unable to recover from all those years ago. So, you opt to think of your parents' soft smiles and gentle hugs. Of an older brother that you think had a mischievous grin. You focus on the overall warmth you associated with them, feeling that warmth curl into your toes. You hear your sister strike the match and then she blows it out just as quickly. You were never saddened by these thoughts, even in your younger years. Hange often wondered if this was due to a detachment of your own making. You open your eyes after a moment and flinch back from the sight of the votive right in front you, flames flickering. 

“Let’s get going.” Hange hadn’t let go of your hand this whole time and she uses that to pull you away quickly out of the side door. Even though it’s cold, you feel miles better outside and you let loose a breath as if you had held it in the whole time. You wonder when you’ll be able to withstand being so close to fire again; you think maybe you never will. A sudden flash of black hair whipping around the corner of the temple catches your eye and you whip your head around to stare at the now empty space.  

“Is something wrong?” Hange squeezes your hand again, and you turn back to look at them to shake your head ‘no’. Some part of you hope it was him. You haven’t seen Levi since the whole debacle at the gala last month. He never made any attempt to reach out to you. Truthfully, you didn’t expect that from him anyways, but it irritated you to no end at the time. Your sister had pushed you to go to the café at least once to just say ‘hi’ because they could see how much it bothered you, however you refused to budge.   

“Then let’s go sight-seeing. I want to see how the people of Jinae celebrate their loved ones before heading out.” The two of you head back down the hill, the cold wind biting at your nose. At some point, Hange turns down a nearly empty path. The stones ahead were covered with a wide assortment of flowers in various colors. People had also put offerings of their loved one's favorite foods out at the base of the stones. It makes you smile at how loved these people are even past their time.  

Hange leads you around for half an hour, taking in the sights of the different offerings and gifts laid about. She points and grins as she mumbles things to you, but you’re not really paying her ramblings any mind. You find that nodding in response was enough to get them to turn back around and jaunt off somewhere else. Another fifteen minutes later, and their rumbling stomach is so loud you can’t help but laugh. You now realize why she’s staring so heavily at a plate of cold dumplings left on a headstone. You reach for her shirt and tug on it to get her attention. 

“What’s up?” They twirl around on you with worry. 

‘Want to go get some dinner?’  

“We probably should, shouldn’t we. Sorry, I’ve just been so engrossed in all of these displays!” She points to one right next to you. It’s littered with quite a few child’s drawings taped to the stone. A plate of cookies sat at the base of it with a steaming cup of coffee right next to it. The family must have just been here. When you look back up to meet Hange’s gaze, she’s staring at something behind you with an amused expression.  

You turn to see what she’s gawking at, and you spot a familiar raven-haired man. He’s standing next to a not-so-familiar messy blonde-haired man around the same age that is currently kneeling on the ground as he places a plate of something on the stone in front of him. The one standing darts his eyes in your direction and there’s no mistaking it; It’s Levi. Panicking, you whirl your head back around to face Hange and she’s smirking. You attempt to step forward to pass your sister, but she just grips your arm firmly and starts tugging you in Levi’s direction.  

Oh no, oh no, oh no. 

You try your best to wiggle out of the grip but it’s of no use, she’s latched on to you. After a few more futile attempts, you give up with a huge huff. You don’t even turn around, you just let them drag you along.  

“Levi, what a pleasant surprise!” Hange yells out to him as they close the distance, you still in tow. 

When they stop abruptly, you almost bump into them. You avert your gaze as far away as possible and turn around slowly. A family of four passes by in silence on the path next to you, a little girl with pigtails flings around a stuffed rabbit as she trots along.  

“Tch, I don’t see how this is a surprise, Four-Eyes. The whole town is practically here.” You hear Levi’s gruff voice respond back. It makes your stomach flutter with anxiety, but you’re not sure if it’s a good or bad kind of anxiety. There’s a ringing silence that follows after, but you can’t be brought to look up. That is, until someone clears their throat. 

“Uh, hi! I’m Furlan, Levi’s friend! It’s nice to meet you...?” He trails off. The voice is boyish and playful, and very different from the man next to him. You glance up to the source and the dirty-blonde haired man is looking between your sister and you with gray eyes. Not as deep and metallic as Levi’s though, they were much softer and lighter.  

“Hi! I’m Hange Zoë, and this is my sister!” She lets go of you to throw her arms around you as she squishes your face with hers. You feel warmth creep through your whole body from embarrassment and it makes you want to run away. “She’s hearing but she’s mute and speaks through sign language mainly. I’ll translate for you for the sake of brevity, though. Unless you already know it?” Your sister releases you to meet Furlan’s outstretched hand with hers and shakes it vigorously. The man laughs, and it’s a light airy sound.  

“I don't unfortunately. But it’s nice to meet you both!” He waves to you with a wide grin, and you give a small wave back. Furlan continues, “I see you know Levi.” You chance a look at Levi and he’s staring straight at you. Your eyes shoot back to his friend.  

“Well, ‘know’ is an understatement. He’s not very forthcoming about his life unlike his roommate. Uh, Erwin and I became close after a very unfortunate relationship mishap.” Your sister chuckles at her dark joke.  

“Ah! I thought I recognized your name! Erwin mentions you in passing a lot. And, well, that’s Levi for you. I had a hard time getting to know him when we first met.”  

“You idiots know I’m here, right? And that’s because you were trying to beat me up, asshole.” Levi’s terse tone cuts in, shooting daggers at his friend. Furlan just laughs again, loudly, and raises his hands in defense. Hange nudges you gently with her elbow and you glare at her, but the look in her eyes makes you nervous.  

Winking at you, she grabs her phone and yells, “Oh jeez, hold on a second. Someone from the lab is calling, it must be about last night's reports.” and starts to walk away. You hold on to her hand for dear life with your mouth wide open in protest, but she pulls away with a flourish. “I’ll just be a moment!” And then she’s gone.  

You stare down at your empty hand and then back up to the two men in front of you, pressing your lips into a thin line as you clench your jaw. ‘Fuck.’ you think to yourself. Tapping your foot impatiently, you also fold your arms across your chest. You keep your gaze averted from them, but you still feel Levi’s stare aimed directly at you. Finally, Furlan clears his throat again.  

“Did you two kill each other’s cats or something? Jeez.” Levi clicks his tongue at the same time as you roll your eyes.  

“Sure, if that’s what you want to think.” Levi retorts dryly. A heavy huff escapes your mouth as you fiddle with your jacket sleeve, foot tapping even faster. Another silence. Furlan examines your face closely and looks back at Levi in thought. If you were looking at him, you would have noticed a lightbulb go off in his head. 

“Wait wait wait! Is this the girl you were talking about a while back?” That makes your eyes fly to Furlan’s and you can’t keep the shock from filling your face. He talked about me?  

Without even waiting for an answer, he states, “So I heard you like colors.” You feel a blush start to seep up into your cheeks and you look away again, shrugging. Levi kicks Furlan in the shins and he doesn’t even react in pain.  

 “Wow, it’s super nice to meet you then. This guy would not stop talking about you aft-” Levi kicks Furlan in his other shin and it must have hurt this time because he winces.  

“Furlan, shut up.” Levi scolds. 

“Is that an order?” Furlan smirks as he leans down to rub the now sore spot. 

You’re not even listening to their bickering; your mind was going a million miles a minute. Levi had talked about you to other people. Were they good or bad things? And why did he have to mention your issues with picking a favorite color? You chide yourself for being willingly open about such silly things with Levi after just meeting him. You reach for your phone so you can say something but then are cut off by Hange coming up from behind you noisily. 

“Sorry about that! What are we talking about?” Hange rests her chin on your shoulder and stares at the two friends.  

“It’s nothing, we were just about to go.” Levi replies coolly as he starts to turn away to leave. He must still be mad at you, you think. Irritation itches at your skull again, but something in your heart aches. 

“Wait! ‘We’? Where’s Erwin? It’s weird to see you without him, Levi.”   

“Oh, he’s currently back at their apartment cooking dinner for us. He came out to show his respects early this morning.” Furlan cuts in before Levi can say anything. 

“Sounds great, we’re in.” You stare at your sister in horror before shoving your hands in their face. 

‘No, we’re not!’   

“Oh uh, I don’t know if Erwin...” Furlan trails off as Hange just chuckles and waves her hand dismissively. Then she pulls out her phone to check something before shoving it right back into her coat pocket.  

“Erwin doesn’t mind, he said so.”  

‘We are not going!’ You’re practically flinging your hands at her face, but she just gives you her puppy-dog stare. 

“But I’m so hungry! And he’s fine with it. Plus, a homecooked meal! It’s so much better than fast food!” Hange whines. 

‘I know what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work.’ Her face pouts even more, which you didn’t think was even possible. ‘You’re the worst. Fine!’ You stick your tongue out at her as you stomp your foot for good measure and her whole face lights up in response. 

“Well, I’m not fine with it.” Levi shoots back, eyes narrowed at the two of you.  

“Oh, c’mon Levi. Miche’s already going and Erwin said it’s fine. The more the merrier.” Furlan grabs Levi’s arm to keep him from leaving. Your sister whips her head to stare at Furlan in surprise. 

“Miche’s going?! What the hell, and Erwin didn’t even invite me!?” She yells. 

“Tch, fine, do whatever you want. I don’t care. Furlan, we have one more stop, let’s go.” Levi stomps off in the opposite direction, leaving the atmosphere 10 degrees colder.   

“We’ll meet you there. We have one more grave to look at but then we’ll be on our way.” Furlan nods to the two of you and gives you a warm smile before darting off after Levi. You exhale a big breath and round on Hange, not even sure what to say. There’s a mischievous glimmer to her eye and you regret leaving the house at all.  

When Levi and Furlan are out of earshot, Furlan knocks his shoulders in Levi’s and smirks.  

“Isabel would have liked her, don’t you think?”  

Levi says nothing back, but he can’t help but agree. It’s been 10 years, but his chest still tightens at the thought of Isabel. He pulls out the bag that had sat tucked into his jacket pocket, holding the slice of vanilla cake he made for his fallen friend. 

.

Erwin and Levi’s apartment is immaculate. Years of cleaning after Hange had given you the confidence to say you were a tidy person. But after seeing their apartment, you felt like an amateur at best. Even the air felt fresh, albeit it was filled with the smells of cooking dishes. Light tones filled the whole room, broken by the occasional pop of color. There was plenty of white as well, so you know Levi had a lot to say when it came to decorating the place.  

“Wow Erwin, your place is so clean!” Hange mutters as she pads around the whole living room. Erwin and his friend Miche were both in the kitchen working over separate pots. Miche was a very strange man, much stranger than Levi for sure. The second you stepped into the apartment, he took a huge whiff of you and grunted. Hange and Erwin chuckled and reassured you that it was normal, but you were still freaked out. If Miche had a problem with your smell, he didn’t say so. 

“You can thank Levi for that, mostly. He likes to clean.” Erwin calls out. You knew that of course, thinking back to that fateful night at the bar.  

You decided to make yourself at home, curling up at the end of their 3-person couch. Pinks and oranges begin to filter into the room as the sun starts to set. You stare out of their balcony door that overlooks part of the downtown area. They were so close to their café, and you wonder if they had chosen the café location just because of that. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t invite me tonight, Erwin!” Hange whines as she leans over the island to see what Erwin was working on. He swats at her to back up and she does so with her glasses fogged up from the steam. 

“I already told you. I invited you a couple weeks ago, but it seems to me you weren’t listening to me then. I think you were going off about some lab report that frustrated you.”  

“Oh yeah. Okay that’s totally fair and on me. You should have reminded me at least!”  

Miche comes over to you with a small plate of some raw vegetables for you to snack on. You take it while smiling at him gratefully, and he just nods before heading back into the kitchen. He had already known you weren’t verbal before you walked in the door, you guess Erwin had told him. Apparently Miche and Erwin were friends for a long time before Levi came into the picture. Just by watching them in the kitchen, you can tell that they worked very well together without having to say a word. 

After gingerly placing your empty plate down on the coffee table in front of you, you stand, stretching your limbs with a big yawn. If you sat for any longer on that soft sofa, you figured you might fall asleep. So, you shuffle your way towards the kitchen, making sure to pick up your plate as you do. Miche takes it from you without saying a word and you wonder if he had a hard time speaking growing up or if it was a conscious decision not to say much. Regardless, you sign a quick thanks then turn to Erwin, who was in the process of mincing some sort of herb.  

‘Where is your bathroom?’  

“Down the hall, it’s the door at the very end.” He slaps Hange’s hand as she’s reaching for a dinner roll over the counter. You smack her in the head on your way past and she just blows a raspberry at you.  

You take your time going down the hallway because your eyes are distracted by various photographs framed on the walls. There weren’t any family photos of either of the two, but plenty of random friends throughout the years. There were a couple of Erwin when he was younger, maybe in grade school, with a few friends hanging around him. You think you spot a young Miche with him in one of the photos.

That must mean they’ve been good friends for more than 15 or so years. There’s another picture frame of Erwin and Levi in graduation gowns holding up diplomas, college you think. Erwin has a huge grin showing off his pearly whites and his arm is propped up, leaning on a short-statured Levi. Levi’s not even looking at the camera, electing to look off to the side with a scowl stuck to his face. That checks out, you think to yourself.  

You look closely at the one at the very end of the hallway and you notice it’s another photo of Levi. It’s a picture of him and two other people, Furlan being one of them. They’re all pretty young looking in this, but the girl in the middle who had her arms wrapped around the other two looked even younger. She has the brightest, widest green eyes you’ve ever seen. Her red hair is choppy and pulled into low pigtails and a large grin plasters her face. Furlan’s to her left, and he’s looking over to the other two contentedly. Levi is on her right and he’s looking away like he always does, but an actual small smile seemed to pull at the corners of his lips. You also note that this was before whatever accident fell upon him as his scars were missing. They look very happy.  

“That’s our friend, Isabel.” Someone mutters softly next to you. You squeak as you jump back, punching into the space where the voice came from. Something catches your fist before it makes an impact. Turning, you see it’s Furlan, holding up your fist in his hand. Panicking, you pull your arm back out of his grip and step back. He stifles a laugh. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just needed to use the bathroom but saw you standing here staring at the wall.” Furlan rubs the back of his neck and glances up at the picture, a wistful smile appearing on his face. Wording a voiceless apology with your lips, you back up into the wall so he can scoot past you to the bathroom. He thanks you before slipping into the room and clicking the door behind him. You take a deep breath and head back to the kitchen, your trip to the bathroom forgotten.  

When you emerge from the hallway, the sounds of clinking glasses and heavy plates can be heard from the dining room. Not really sure where to sit, you go to stand by the table as Erwin and Hange set it. Miche comes over to place a bowl of the dinner rolls that your sister was eyeballing earlier, and he points to one of the chairs against the wall for you. Again, he seemingly knew what you were thinking. At this point, you’re convinced that he knows how to read minds.   

You plop yourself down as your sister does the same next to you. She starts pouring wine into the glasses around the table, save for your own; she hands you a soda can and you bump her shoulder with a smile. Furlan comes back from the bathroom just as Erwin and Miche take their seats. Steaming plates of delicious foods consisting of a spiced chicken dish, baked asparagus, smashed potatoes, and sweet carrots lay around just waiting to be served.  

‘You really know how to serve a feast.’ You sign to Erwin with a wide smile. 

“Well, it’s not all just me. Miche makes a great sous chef.” He jokes. 

“Hey, where’d the grump run off to?” Hange inquires as they take a sip of their white wine. 

“The grump is right here, tch.” a voice cuts in.  

Glancing up, you see Levi drying his head with a towel as he makes his way to the table, water droplets falling from his hair down onto the gray long sleeve he had on. After folding the wet towel and placing it on a table behind the couch, he pulls the chair out across from you and sits down with a small huff. You both lock eyes for a second before looking away.  

“What are we waiting for? I’m dying over here!” Hange starts plating up without waiting for a response. She starts to help you too, but you just grab the serving utensils from her hands and huff at her. She playfully slaps your arm but starts digging in. Erwin had thrown on some background music before sitting down, so soft jazz reverberated off the walls mixing in with the bustle of plates being filled.  

“So, Hange, what do you do?” Furlan pipes up after a few minutes, tearing a roll up with his fingers.  

“I work at Titan Labs, head researcher and what not. I’m working on ways to create zombies!” She cackles and takes another spoonful of her potatoes. The look on Furlan’s face was priceless and he stared at Levi and Erwin for confirmation.  

“They’re just kidding, Furlan. They work with curing viruses, at least that’s what I’m told. Hange you can’t just go around saying stuff like that.” Erwin scolds and Hange just grins. 

“Oh uh. Okay. I guess that’s a little better.”  

‘My sister can be a little overzealous and crazy sometimes.’ You sign to Furlan and Hange just grabs her heart dramatically.  

“Pft, I’m not that crazy.” That's all she says before diving back into her chicken, paying the rest of you no mind.  

“There’s nothing wrong with crazy. Just try not to get us killed, okay?” He laughs a little and winks at you. Feeling your face flush, you let your eyes roam over to Levi’s. His gaze flickers to yours briefly, but he just takes a swig of his wine and peers out the window. The evening sky was clear, and the stars had started to come out.  

The rest of the meal was filled with mindless chatter that you observed happily. Erwin and Miche had roped Hange into some sort of debate, so them translating for you was a little difficult. Luckily, Furlan understood and was fine being the only one talking as Levi just ate in silence. You listen intently but your mind wandered to Levi occasionally, wondering what he was thinking as he delicately cut into his food. Furlan got to a point where he picked up on asking you yes or no questions for the sake of the language barrier and lack of interpreter. It was hard not to smile at his warmth, and you’re open to all of his questions easily. The flush on your face does not disappear the whole meal. 

With stuffed bellies and sleepy minds, everyone decides to leave the table and move into the living room to wind down. All except for Furlan, who had said he had an early shift the next morning and needed to leave before he ended up staying all night. Hange, Erwin, and Miche were murmuring together with intermittent laughs about something random. Levi just sat in a chair in the corner of the room scrolling on his phone and not paying any attention to his surroundings. That left you to juggle between staring at the TV and checking your phone every once in a while.  

A couple moments later, there’s a scratch of a chair against the floor as Levi gets up from his spot. He slips out of the balcony door with a blast of cold air before closing it shut behind him. You can see his puffs of hot air as he stands, leaning against the rail with his back to you.

As you’re staring, you feel someone tap your shoulder and when you turn to see the source of it, you’re surprised to find its Erwin. Crystal blue eyes stare back at you and then they flicker over to where Levi stood. He says nothing else and sits back down in his spot like nothing happened. Hange gives you a supportive wink and goes back to her conversation with the two men.  

Ugh.

You stand up and pull on your jacket that you had slung over the backside of the couch hours ago. Zipping it up, you take a deep breath before sliding the door open and forcing yourself into the cold. Levi does nothing to acknowledge you, he just stands stoically looking up at the stars. You tighten your jacket around you and stand awkwardly behind him, shifting from one foot to the other as you consider what to say.

As you feel the winter air nipping at your skin, you exhale softly and pull your phone out to type out a message. It takes you a few minutes of typing and deleting repeatedly, but Levi says and does nothing as he waits, hearing the clicks of the letters coming out of the speakers. 

‘I’m sorry. For exploding on you last month. I threw my anger at you when really, I was angry at myself. It wasn’t nice or warranted and I apologize.’ You shuffle up next to him and hand him your phone carefully. He takes it from your cold hands, his own brushing against yours and they’re surprisingly warm. You see his eyes slide over the words, face bright from the phone light in contrast with the dark night.   

He rolls his silver eyes and just scoffs. He doesn’t say anything, and you fidget with your phone. When it was clear he had nothing to say, you fight the urge to turn around and leave. You glance behind you and see Erwin and Miche doing a bad job pretending not to stare at you and Levi. Hange, on the other hand, gives you a big smile and a thumbs up. You swallow hard and type out another message.   

‘Are you mad at me still?’ 

“Still?” He stares up at you in confusion then slight guilt. “I- look, I was never mad at you. It’s just...” He runs his fingers through his hair to push it back, and you spot a few piercings climbing up his ear that you didn’t notice before. They glint off the full moon which sits high in the sky. He takes a deep breath and looks away from you.  

“Okay, I was a little mad at first. But I’m clearly not anymore.” He mumbles.  

‘Clearly.’  

“I know I can come off rude and cold but it’s just... Shit!” He grips the rail so hard that his knuckles turn white. “I’m not mad at you, and I haven’t been for a couple weeks. I just- I felt awkward after the whole thing and I didn’t know how to talk to you. Plus, you know, I thought you were mad at me. So. You have nothing to apologize for. And, here,” he grabs your phone that you loosely held and starts moving around apps, pressing random buttons as he goes.

Then he hands it back to you with a side eye, opting to stare back out to the moon as he spoke. “I don’t want to throw your phone off the balcony so from here on out, just directly text me and I’ll respond.”  

When you look down at your phone, your mouth opens slightly in awe. Your phone screen displays a newly made contact page for “Levi Ackerman”. So formal, you think. Clicking the message icon, you type out a little text to him with shaky hands. You’re not sure if it’s from the excitement or the cold. 

'Hi' 

You hear his phone ‘ping’ and he pulls it out of his back pocket.  

“We’re great with words, aren’t we.” he says with a smile playing on his lips.  

‘I’m glad you’re not mad at me. I’m still sorry for last month though.’  

“It’s fine, but thanks anyways.”  

Like a breath of fresh air, a comfortable silence falls on the two of you. You lean forward against the rail and stare down to the ground. Levi and Erwin’s apartment rests on the third floor so there was quite a drop. The yellow glow of streetlights reflected off the snow that was piled on the sides of the road. You shiver as a gust of wind blows through your hair, so you pull your hood up for extra warmth. Against your better judgement, you shoot him another text with something that’s been itching at you all night.  

‘Who’s Isabel?’ You watch him carefully.  

When he eyes the text, the small upturn to his lips disappears and he freezes for a moment. His hand grips his phone a little tighter as he sighs heavily. Exhausted. The circles under his eyes seemingly darker. He hangs his head down, giving you another side-eye between his raven locks as he starts speaking in almost a whisper.  

“She was one of my best friends. Well, Furlan and I’s. We all, uh, grew up together.” Levi swallows hard.  

‘What happened?’  

His body tenses up once more and you worry for a moment that he might get defensive, but he just grips the rail tightly in both hands again. 

“I used to ride motorcycles. I suppose you wouldn’t know that.” You shake your head at him, and he just purses his lips. “Yeah... well. Isabel had this annoying habit of wanting to go everywhere with us but she wouldn’t get her own license so she would ride on the back of Furlan and I’s bikes...” He shifts uncomfortably and leans forward over the rail, looking down at the ground.  

“Well one day, my uh, relative, was having complications at the hospital in town and I needed to get there fast. And of course, she wanted to tag along. I didn’t have time to fight with her, so I let her on with me. But...” You reach out to try and touch his arm in reassurance, but Levi jumps at the close proximity, and you pull back quickly. Mouthing a ‘sorry’, you shove your hands in your pockets. 

“You’re... fine. It’s fine.” He pushes off from the rail and folds his arms across his chest and stands up straight. “It was raining that day, and I was being careless. I was so caught up in where I was going, I didn’t take the time to be cautious of my surroundings. I don’t remember much but we ended up skidding off the road. I woke up in the hospital with this,” Levi raises the hand that was missing his index and middle finger and then he points to his scars. “And no Isabel.” 

You have no words. Even if you weren’t mute, you wouldn’t know what to say to him. You notice in the time that you’ve known him, you haven’t seen him ride before, nor have you even seen a bike in his vicinity. So that alone was a surprise. But another thought scratched at you. Something about his demeanor right now screamed guilt. Did he still blame himself for Isabel’s death?  

“I went to go celebrate her today with Furlan. She always had a thing for sweets.” He mumbles, looking a little more relaxed. He has a faraway look in his eyes.  

‘What was she like?’ His eyes shift to yours, now soft.  

“You remind me a lot of her, actually. Stubborn. Happy.” Levi huffs, but you could have sworn it was a little laugh. 

‘You’re pretty stubborn yourself, you know.’ He just rolls his eyes again at you but says nothing else. ‘I think it’s great that you’re celebrating her life. She sounds wonderful. Thank you for sharing that with me.’ You offer him a slight smile and his lips twitch at you in return. He puts one of his hands in his pocket, making sure to keep his phone out with the other as he spoke. 

“Who were you and Hange celebrating today? I saw you two at the temple earlier.”  

‘Are you creeping on us or something?’ You smirk at him teasingly and his already rosy cheeks turn a darker shade.  

“Tch, no. I just passed by, is all.”  

‘It’s okay Levi, I get it. We’re that fascinating lol. She was there for her grandparents.’ You fidget with your phone in between numb fingers. It was really starting to get cold, and you weren’t sure how much longer you’d be able to stay out on the patio. But you didn’t want to leave just yet. 

“So, you’re not celebrating anyone today?” His innocent question makes you pause. It was your turn to look away, staring at the twinkling stars above. You suddenly feel small, like the universe was too big for you. Biting your bottom lip, you start to type away.  

‘Yeah, I have. I lost my parents and brother when I was around six or so. I don’t remember much but there was a big fire, and I was the only survivor. I am not a big fan of fire now.’ Silence ensues for a few minutes as Levi digests what you texted him. Your hands mindlessly trace the scars that trailed up your left arm from that disastrous night. 

“I’m really sorry to hear about that.” He says, finally. 

‘Oh, it’s fine now. It was so long ago. Hange’s family took me in after 8 years in the foster system, and now I’m stuck with her.’ You give him a meek grin and point behind you. He’s watching your face carefully. 

“I’m sure there are worse families to be stuck with.” Levi jokes quietly.  

You have no idea, you think to yourself. The thought of the households you lived in prior to the Zoë’s makes you cringe a bit. Memories of being left behind, small cupboard-like rooms, and physically abusive foster parents swirl through your brain. You close your eyes tightly to try and push them away. You feel something warm holding your fidgeting hands still. Opening your eyes to see what it is, you’re met with Levi’s pale hands cupping yours into his own.  

“It’s been a very hard day for us, huh?” You don’t want to tell Levi that it’s not your family’s passing that’s upsetting you right now. You figure if it came up later, you would tell him then. You nod once, meeting his silver eyes with earnest. He releases his grip abruptly, your hand freezing from where he had left it. Another comfortable silence falls on the two of you and it warms you from the inside out. Knowing that he wasn’t actually mad at you filled you with immense relief and you were glad that the confrontation was over. Or so you thought. 

“So Furlan huh?” He playfully chides. You stare at him, incredulous.  

“What? He just seemed really into you. Do you feel the same?” There was a look in his eyes that confused you. You feel your face heat as you tap away at your phone screen. 

‘He was just being nice. I don’t know what you mean. There’s no way he could be interested in me.’ You watch his face anxiously, not certain why he was bringing up such a topic. You didn’t really feel comfortable talking about other boys with him just yet, whether it be because you still barely knew Levi or something else you couldn’t quite describe.  

“Tch, you don’t know.” He cocks an eyebrow at you but says nothing else. You just shake your head at him, at a loss for words of what to say next.  

Suddenly, there’s a knock at the sliding door and peeking through is a Hange with a wide grin.  

“Are you ready to go home, my little berry?” Their muffled voice penetrates through the glass pane. You give them a thumbs up and a small smile. They give you a thumbs up in return then spin around to Erwin and Miche who are now standing up, going back into a conversation. You glance back at Levi and find his dark eyes gazing at you. The moonlight hit his entire figure at an angle that made him look almost... otherworldly.  

.

A couple hours later, you’re lying on your side in your bed with fluffy sheets surrounding you. The clock reads late but you can’t sleep due to the giddiness from the buzzing of your phone. You stare at a message notification sent by one Levi Ackerman, and a smile playing on your lips. 

Thanks for confiding in me. I don’t mind learning more about you, if you want. 

You had received the message a good 5 minutes ago, but you weren’t sure how to respond. For starters, you were extremely shocked to see that he was still awake at such an absurd time. But then again, so were you. You start typing but then delete it right after, going back and forth until finally you give up and just voice what you wanted to say.  

Sufficient with your response, you lock your phone and place it on the bedside table. You stare hard at the table, willing for something to come your way but nothing does. Maybe he fell asleep, you wonder. After a few minutes, you start to drift off with the thoughts of a curt man with silver, glowing eyes. 

Levi can’t help but chuckle at the three dots in the corner of his phone as you start typing but then change your mind. It had taken him forever to find what he wanted to say to you, but he never imagined your response to something seemingly so simple now could take you so long. In truth, he was surprised to see you open the message so quickly and at such a late time. Perhaps you struggled to sleep as well.  

As he waited, he couldn’t help but wonder what to make of you. There was something so intriguing about you that he just couldn’t quite reach, and honestly it confused him even more. Something else bothered him as well as he recalled the haunted look in your eye after talking about your history. Were you holding something back?  

Finally, his phone pings and he scolds himself for how swift he was to pick it up. A simple message brings butterflies to his stomach and unknits his tight eyebrows. Whatever it was that you had kept to yourself, he figures it didn’t matter. He would make it his goal to try and get to know you better.  

Ask away, I’m here for you. Goodnight, Levi.

☾ Previous Chapter: December ☾ Next Chapter: February

[jennifercheckapologist]

in lowercase inside a vault

contemplating how willing i am to finish this so here it is in its very early form

It’s the in-between.

You exist in the palm of her hand and curled into her couch cushions, cold and shivering like a stray. You wonder if she likes that about you. You speculate over whether she has ever really noticed.

She’s keeping her distance now, plucking away at her guitar with a crease between her brow like she knows what will happen if she looks up- if she gives you something to hang on to. You’re doing your best not to wear your disappointment in front of her.

“You’re being difficult,” she mumbles, her eyes darting to your mouth when you bite at your thumb nail, “Come. Have a drink…” Her voice trails off as if she has more to offer you, but she’s drawing a blank. Come for me. Have a drink with me.You’re itching to scream out to her. Just ask one thing of me. Instead she toes at the ground like a child.

You want to leave, but it’s warm here. You are comfortable here. You haven’t belonged many places in your life, but sometimes you feel like you belong here. You can feel yourself become the faithful dog completing circles before bedtime. You can feel your leash tug before you get to mark your territory.

The sleeves of your sweater feel tight as your wrap your arms around yourself and counter, “I can have a drink at home.”

“Can’t let you drink alone,” she finally looks you in your eyes. Maybe you preferred it when she was dodging your gaze because suddenly you’re on fire. You can feel the warmth in your cheeks. She clears her throat, “Dina and Jesse would never let me.”

It’s silly. Seven words and jealousy is lodging itself in your every tooth- a cavity you could never fill- and wrapping itself around every hair in your head. It yanks your head viciously, a sharp backward moment. Once you were normal- your head moved in only slow arches and turns, never envious jolts- and soon you will be again. For now you are in-between.

“I’ll think about it,” you concede as you pull your legs to your chest. You fold into yourself in hopes that she’ll want to touch you too.

You wonder what happens after this. Post-Ellie. You awoke one day, syrupy sweet with thoughts of her. One day you will be yourself again. You will survive; you are certain of it.

Ellie stops her strumming and sets her guitar to the side to join you on the couch. She sits close enough to touch you if you’d only open yourself back up. Her hand finds your knee and you can already feel yourself unraveling.

“Say yes,” She insists, “You can’t spend all your time alone.” “I spend my time with you.” You can already feel her building her argument. That’s different. We are different. You don’t let her get there, “I’ll swing by… have a drink with you.”